#I love my traumatized fictional men

[bellaxgiornata]

I wasn’t sure if you were still doing the questions for author—but I wanted to inquire about #2 and #11 🤗🤗🤗

Also I hope that your weekend helped you recharge my friend 🤘🏻

Ahhh yes! Hi, friend!! Anyone can feel free to ask me more questions from that post here! It's fun to still focus on these fics in some way even if my brain just doesn't want to write this weekend. And thank you! 💕 It was a bit more relaxing than my weekdays go fortunately, but it was unfortunately a short and busy weekend for me. Though next weekend shows a promising outlook for me to focus and relax at least! 😆 And as I've been doing with these since my responses are always so damn long, my answers are below the cut for those interested!

2. Do you consider yourself a writer? Why or not?

It’s funny because I used to view writing fanfic as something that technically was writing, but I didn’t necessarily view myself as a writer back in the day (like years ago when I first began writing fic). But I think that’s just because there’s generally been this negative view around writing fanfiction as opposed to writing entirely original content that you’re trying to publish. But looking back on that viewpoint now, it makes no sense. I definitely consider myself–and everyone else who writes fanfic–writers. We might be playing in a sandbox with some tools that others have given to us to play with, but we’re all crafting something different with those tools. Making our own unique content from it–which is the beauty of fanfic. There is literally so much creativity and love in fanfiction and I’ve read vastly better fics than I have published works, personally. And I also believe writing fanfiction is a fantastic way to improve writing and story-telling skills. I’ve certainly grown in my plot-writing, character development, dialogue and descriptions, etc. through writing fanfic. 

And I’ve written and published almost 1.1 million words over on AO3 in just over a year. So yeah, I’d tell younger me that I am in fact a writer 😆

11. What attracted you to the fandom(s)/media you write in?

This question is a bit more difficult for me to put into words an answer to, but I was drawn to Matt’s character as a whole when it comes to the Daredevil fandom. Like yes, the man is attractive and the whole wounded puppy thing gets to me, but there’s so much depth to Matt and I really love exploring that. He’s often struggling with so much internal conflict and past trauma, even struggling with letting people get and stay close to him. Though honestly, a lot of that’s also true of Michael Kinsella in Kin and Frank Castle from Punisher, too.

So besides finding them physically attractive (I mean obviously), I think I was pulled to these fandoms for the characters. I'm drawn to that internal struggle/battle within themselves and the individual traumatic pasts that all three of these men have gone through. Because I’ve experienced quite a bit of trauma in my past, too, and I feel like I can deeply relate to these three characters and their pain in my own way, especially when it comes to trying to navigate life under the weight of these things that still hang over you. But at the same time, deep down and at their core, they're all good men desperate to stay ‘good’ despite what they’ve endured and what they do. Which is just something that personally resonates with me. Though I will admit that there's just something about Matt Murdock and his inability to take care of himself for the sake of helping others that I also connect with and that I think plays a bigger role in why he's my comfort character and why I write so much for him. I see a lot of myself in Matt–his flaws especially.

[lynx-kin]

Me: *Minding my business, getting gifted a new game for my birthday.*

My Brain: Ooh, what's this?

Me: Hey wait-

My Brain: :0 New hyperfixation?

Me: Wait NO-

My Brain: NEW HYERFIXATION :DDD

Me: WHY

So, in other news, I have acquired baldur's gate 3. And to absolutely no one's surprise, this traumatized vampire twink has stolen my attention. Clearly, I have a type.

[annaizscribbling]

My sad little meow meow

[shiril-lathuil]

started doodling some characters on a break from work, and I think I just created two new potential OCs. I will make them smooch.

[liberty-spiked]

i need paper for my printer so i can make a big hot video game dudes collage.

[yandere-writer-momo]

Need more Liam and Jesse headcanons

You write men way too fine

It’s not good for my health

I can only ever date fictional men now. You’ve ruined me. I hope you’re happy

I live to ruin people and their perception of love

But yes I can. And I’ll also share more lore on Liam Isbert.

Yandere Headcanons: Happy Family

Yandere single father and Yandere platonic stepson

Getting used to living with Liam and Jesse was strange. First you had been abducted to live with the two of them. You do not ever expect to play happy family after you yourself had went through an abusive relationship.

For many years, you had been scared to love again. So this is all very new to you. You did not expect to be loved so intensely by a father and son who are so desperate for love to the point they’d abduct you from your life to be in theirs.

Liam often bought you roses to try to make up for your abduction. He would take you on dates and clumsily attempt romantic endeavors with you. Such as fancy diner dates with exquisite clothes you could never dream to afford. Or he would take you and Jesse on vacation to tropical Islands. The world was at Liam‘s fingertips… you had no idea a man could be so wealthy.

Jesse often snuck into your room to sleep beside you. The young boy desperate for your affection. He’d always bring a book with him so you could read to him every night.

Jesse often would want to try to get you to help him tie his shoes or cut his crusts off his sandwiches too. He’d even try to get you to style his hair for him, he adored your love more than anyone. And he wasn’t happy about you shying away from him and his dad. Couldn’t you just accept them?

Liam never touched you in ways that made you uncomfortable (save for that kiss many months ago before he took you home). Liam was apologetic about his actions but he didn’t want to return you… he too was scared by a relationship

In confidence, Liam shared with you his trauma without Jesse present. It turned out that Liam was assaulted by a woman who wished to be involved with the Isbert family at a dinner party his father organized. From that traumatizing night, Jesse was conceived and that woman did her best to threaten Liam to pay her or she’d ruin his name.

Liam was lucky she had died during childbirth but his experience with her made it hard for him to bond with Jesse. He knows that Jesse was not to blame and was just as much a victim as him, but Liam saw snippet of Jesse’s mother in him.

Liam was so grateful to you for showing him how to love and move past his trauma. That he wished to do the same for you despite not knowing much about comfort.

Liam truly wants a happy relationship and he’s willing to give you as much time as you need to accept him, but he won’t give you back your freedom. Liam has too many enemies and snakes that desire your spot, you could be killed and he’d never forgive himself for that…

It takes a few more months for you to open up to trying a relationship with Liam and he’s over the moon.

Liam is a bit clumsy as a lover, but he’s trying. He’s turned off his emotions for so many years and he’s not used to expressing them in a healthy manner so you’ll have to teach him how to love

Over all, he’s not a horrible husband and father. Liam is very easy to guide and teach.

And Jesse is just thrilled to finally have you as his mommy. He finally has the happy family he had dream about since he was three.

[tismrot]

The uwu-fication of Good Omens

I’m not saying this to piss on anyone’s parade, everyone can like whatever they want and I realize that people who are perhaps… not experienced in traumatic adult relationships and/or aren’t bitter remnants of whatever ray of light they were supposed to be - I realize their fiction will probably be (for lack of better words)… light and easy.

I also realize that due to the collective heartbreak we’ve experienced after the end of season 2, a little fluff is perhaps needed. Again, not defecating on any crowds - but, like, we did watch the same show, right?

There are some REALLY good meta out there, as well as some fics and some art that really captures the essence of both Crowley and Aziraphale, and the context they struggle within.

…And then there are fics and art/comics where particularly Crowley is reduced to this very tsundere, cranky-despite-secretly-affectionate anime character who blushes and gets ✨ve-y angy✨ whenever he gets a kiss on his cheek or something and I’m like… okay? But. That’s not Crowley, is it? (Yes, you can make him into a hemipened waifu pillow for all I care, go do what makes you happy) - it’s just… You know?

Crowley and Aziraphale are (despite their celestial origins) - at their core - two middle aged, closeted, homosexual men who used to work for two equally oppressive, evil and incompetent fascist governments. That’s why they meet on the benches in the park, like all the other agents sent from other oppressive nations and agencies. The book was written during the last years of the cold war, and during the height of the AIDS crisis. Correct me if I’m wrong, but the first meds for HIV came in 1992 - being gay and being seen with the enemy could bring about equally terrifying death sentences. Yet, they do their best to thwart their Cold War, and then, the nuclear apocalypse.

After barely succeeding, they become as close as they dare to be, and they both know they love each other. Of course they do. That’s why Crowley wants them to stop pretending they don’t. He already assumes Aziraphale knows, because HE DOES KNOW.

Crowley isn’t (canonically) an uwu angy tsundere snek. He is a miserable ex-agent screaming at his closeted, gay lover for refusing to run away with him after 6000 years of war. Crowley is the opposite of tsundere, he is an open, aching wound.

Aziraphale isn’t a kawaii angel cup of hot chocolate, he is a desperate and scared idealist who is threatened into compliance by Great Leader, and who secretly wants nothing more than to let go of all propriety and just allow himself to be happy and freely experience life and love with the man he’s wanted all along, far from all oppression both from society and Heaven.

You guys, this is a story about fighting oppression for love. I just wanted to make sure we’re all on the same side.

And perhaps I’m just old, perhaps my experiences with multiple failed relationships, friendships and my own fallen idealism tints my glasses… But I feel a certain way about all the uwu. I’m sorry. Do uwu if you want. I’m gonna focus on the OPPRESSION, because - apparently - that’s the wall my socks stick to.

And yeah, I know this is very old man yells at cloud. Younger people (or people who just aren’t exactly like me) seeing this show or reading the book deserve the right to play around with it, just like I do. I know, I know, I know. I just needed to say this. Slay me if you must.

End of rant. Thank you for coming to my depression.

EDIT: Yes, I made the Avril Lavigne thing further down. Yes, I am a hypocrite. I’ve made my peace with this.

[chaoticspeedrun]

saw ur recent post and thought

lets all stereotype the tmnt simps like they’re animals at a zoo together chaotic

[insert funny picture of us staring at the funny ppl in the cage with their desired turtles (i lowkey couldnt find a meme that would suite this 😠😠😠)]

raph simps ; either fiesty gremlins who’ll bite ur toes off if you go near them and spray them with water or sweet little souls who’ll tuck you in bed and give you forehead kisses. both simp types aren’t rare and are commonly found together as a pair, explaining their view on the himbo buff boy raph and how they can either “fix him” or “make him worse”.

leo simps ; traumatized beings, it doesnt matter if you’re a cocky and mean in a loving way or a i’ll do anything you say because you’re so great kind of leo simp, you’re traumatized in some sense, whether it be through fiction or real life. you guys lowkey ENJOYED giving ur oc’s or self inserts loads of angst when it came to the future and movie. man, you guys have so much love for this one turtle his ego is literally thru the roof.

donnie simps ; a true simp. let me guess— you like nerdy men who are also queer as hell, who is also straight as hell at the same time, who is also the type of man you’d expect him to do nice things for you to only throw you under the bus. listen up you simps, i understand that the few of you “down down bad” simps are into that and might sans fangirl your way into this— but let me explain and introduce you into the “ilovehimsomuchiwoulddieforhimandhisbigforehead” simps. you’d be an awesome duo trust.

mikey simps ; now i KNOW you guys got something beneath those precious and fluffy oc and self insert moments. there has gotta be SOME SORT OF EVIL ANGST AND TWISTY MOMENT YOU GOT GOING ON— much more worse than the leo trauma, FARTHER WORSE— teehee you guys got such a cute puppylove selfship going on teehee 😊😊WELL WHABAM!! the moment mikey gets his mystic powers n angsty moment in the movie out comes the freaking angst beast and comfort waves following behind it >:))))

— 🖼️🗝️ (guess whooo 🙃🙃🙃)

Not me looking at the way you signed and going "Who's Keyframe?" I AM HAVING A DIFFICULT TIME FIGURING THIS ONE OUT.

Also, I love psychoanalyzing people💖

In my opinion, from what I have seen at least, most Raph simps I've interacted with are like really sweet and anxious people that REALLY NEED A HUG just like my boy Raph.

The Leo simps, as I said earlier, enjoy bullying him so much- and with that I mean, they're most times the kind of people that tease or bully their crush, but they care so much about him and love adding so much depth to his character.

The Donnie simps I know can't drop the color purple for ONE DANG SECOND, the color is everywhere all the time all at once, they seem very curious and are some of the ones that I see the most active in the fandom.

And Mikey simps are freaking wild, one minute they're the sweetest and the next they're jumping around the walls and scaring you, I love those.

*Sips on coffee, staring at the cages*

Ah yes, what a wonderful and interesting set of specimens.

[mrs-snape5984]

“Can we always be this close…forever and ever?”

“My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue. All's well that ends well to end up with you.” (“Lover” by Taylor Swift)

Today I want to share something more cheerful with all you lovely people of Snapedom, because - to be honest - considering my last few posts on this blog, they could suggest the idea, that I might not be the most zestful person around here. Well…guilty as charged! 😅So, please, take my apologies for my constant venting and complaining about ME/CFS and the ways, in which this bitch of a disease destroyed the life, I’ve known before. But this particular post will be dedicated to LOVE.

I know, I’m using this blog as my personal journal in order to cope with the hardships of my existence, always relying on my 21 years lasting connection with Severus Snape…who is undeniably the one true love of my life. Some of you might judge or mock me for being so pathetically devoted to a fictional character over such a long period of time, but believe me…my love for Severus is my safe haven!

Sure, I’ve tried to give other relationships a shot, but after some really traumatic experiences with men and women, as well as two failed marriages, I’m coming to the conclusion, that I’m better off alone. I must admit, that being doomed to endure a so called life in my bed, only surrounded by darkness and mostly solitude, definitely has an influence on this conviction. Who knows, if I’d have the same beliefs if I weren’t “un-dateable”…but this doesn’t matter anymore, since there’s still no cure for my disease.

And yet… (enter dramatic sigh here 😂)

And yet, I still believe in love, despite my own failures…despite all the pain, the sorrows, the humiliation and the traumas, I’ve been confronted with. I guess, being intelligent (or at least well educated) and overly realistic didn’t prevent me from being a hopeless romantic human being.

My adolescent twins are currently entering the phase of their first “loves”. I’ve taught my three children from the very beginning, that it doesn’t matter, who they love, unless they’re feeling safe and happy about it. My daughter is proud to have her first girlfriend, even though she’s already facing some difficulties in her environment, due to her frank nature to enjoy her crush. For me - a woman, who’s living openly bisexual 🏳️‍🌈 since I’ve been 14 years old - it’s absolutely unbelievable, that there are still so many people in our society, who seem to stick to their restrained beliefs about sexuality and gender. I will always try to support my children in their journey of self-acceptance and self-discovery.

So, yes, I still believe in love…no matter how this love might look like. Even though I’m confined to this prison, which is formed by my disease, I was allowed to find some kind of deep love in my friends. I want to share a short poem with you (written by Whitney Hanson for her book “Harmony”) which reminds me of the love, that I feel for these friends of mine:

I have always loved the way

Music could make the world feel

Like it doesn’t exist

As if suddenly all my fears

Are swept away

Who knew

That there are people out there

Who could make me feel the same way

Another love, which makes my heart swell with joy, is my love to all those amazingly talented artists of Snapedom, for whom I’m rolling out the red carpet on my blog, by using their art as my very personal soothing balm for my troubled heart and soul. This time, I’ve commissioned the lovely @kruzbr for the very first time. I’ve been fallen for their Severitus comics, so I asked them to help me out with making my own version of Severitus, together with my undeniably self-inspired OC Jules, come to life.

Anderson, your understanding of my ideas and your kindness made it a pleasure for me to join the process of creating this mesmerising masterpiece of art. I’m beyond grateful for your service and I can assure you, that this won’t be the last time, I will commission you for another adventure of Sevy & Jules. The next idea is already stuck in my mind, so keep an eye on your postbox! Thank you for everything, my dear!

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

🖤Sevy & Jules🖤

[corvidcrybaby]

This is probably gonna sound odd and sudden, but I love your Hellsing theories and character headcanons so I thought I’d take a shot.

Does anyone else hc that Alucard might be a little bit of a misandrist?

From his past, it would make sense, and his closest relationships are mostly women with the exceptions of Walter (and Anderson if you wanna add that mess into it).

Maybe it’s just a little bit of projection on my part, but it seems that to me Alucard gravitates towards women when it comes to any type of relationship before men.

This is an interesting take, and I do see how someone could arrive at this conclusion. Alucard has suffered much at the hands of men, between his childhood victimization at the hands of the Ottomans and his further-traumatizing defeat and enslavement by Van Helsing (something we know has left deep emotional wounds in his psyche, given the nightmare sequence we see him wake up crying from). One could easily make the argument that this has resulted in an aversion to men, and while I don't think it's a core facet of his character, it's all in how one wishes to read the script.

Me personally, I think this mostly plays on inversion of the usual tropes of vampirism, as Hellsing and Hirano both really love to do that. Take, for example, the scene where Integra forces Seras to drink her blood through a domineering and seductive approach to force Seras to embrace her base instincts, that she has thus far insisted on resisting. This type of scene is normally inverted. Most vampire fiction would have a female vampire pushing and seducing a human woman, and moreover, it is far more common to see this dynamic in the classic Male Vampire/Human Female that is so archetypical and classic a trope for vampire lit.

Subsequently, it is then very subversive and interesting that Alucard's Master whom he is so dedicated to, is Integra. A woman. It is implied that he has mixed feelings about Van Helsing, and his opinions on Arthur aren't explored much beyond showing that Arthur was something of a womanizing buffoon. It could stand to reason that Integra being a woman lowered Alucard's hackles, even if it were subconscious. I personally think this is moreso commentary on the dynamic and duality of human and vampire and part of Hirano being a geeky little dude who enjoys playing with tropes and turning them inside out, upside down, pulling them apart and putting them back together again.

But, as I say, the implications are certainly there!

[featheredstorms]

I need to be active on this blog more and be silly about my obsessions, aka the fictional men I absolutely adore throughout the years of my childhood. Thanks to Mush, for putting Voltron on my feed, I am thinking about my first ever obsessions which is Shiro from Voltron. I will not explain why or how this became to be. All I remember is that I was a young child falling in love with a traumatized fatherly figure. 🧍‍♂️

Like. . . LOOK AT HIM HE’S SO SILLY 😭

[autistichalsin]

I have very complicated feelings about Halsin's Drow brothel dialogue that I want to share. I want to say, immediately, that I am not telling any other survivor how to feel about this, because we all have our own experiences that affect how we feel about this, and I will ask that you show me the same courtesy. I have had past posts of mine met with rudeness- from questioning whether I really had seen the scene in question to someone accusing me of having a "fetish" for rape recovery- telling me "go do Astarion's storyline instead"- to someone saying "the entire concept" (of trauma recovery, I guess?) is "western nonsense". Do not do that on this post.

The most common statements made as criticisms against Halsin's scene, post patch 5* are the following:

*Pre-patch 5, most of the criticism was about how out of left field it is and how there was no ability to follow up with Halsin about it/ask if he's okay.

It's OOC (or at least just nonsensical) for Halsin; he's a big, strong, wise Archdruid, so it makes no sense that he was raped.

Halsin obviously healed completely from his Drow-related trauma offscreen, and any statements from the player questioning this are condescension and/or infantilization and/or the same as demanding Halsin go through therapy onscreen- demanding all survivors have the exact same cookie-cutter reaction to be "valid".

The presence of the one rude "sounds traumatic, you may need to reflect on that" line means the entire scene is condescension as well.

Halsin's trauma isn't actually trauma/Halsin doesn't count as representation because it was not put in the story in good faith/was a joke, and it's insulting to change the scene to be more serious.

By changing these lines, the creators have prioritized one group of fans (those who wanted to see Halsin discuss what happened to him as an assault, not as a "fond memory") over another (those who felt this conversation was an indication Halsin had already had a complete recovery).

Gently and respectfully, I don't agree with any of these arguments. My feelings on these, point by point, are:

Rape can and does happen to anyone. Quite the opposite of being OOC for Halsin, it's important to have Halsin as representation alongside Astarion, to show that big, strong men can be victimized too, by any gender. Victimization can happen to a wide range of people, be committed by a wide range of people, and can have a wide range of effects on the survivor.

I love healed survivors, and I would love to see more in fiction. However, Halsin never once came across like a healed survivor to me, in this scene or otherwise. He came off like someone deep in denial (or perhaps just crisis mode) who was victim-blaming himself to downplay it. He called his rapists "hosts", himself a "guest, prisoner, and consort", himself a "foolhardy young Druid". Those are worrying ways to describe being made a sex slave for three years. I personally can't imagine how we were supposed to hear that repeated denial/downplaying/use of euphemism and infer healing from that. If that was truly what the writers intended, I think an exchange to the effect of "are you okay?" "Yes, it was a long time ago, and the wounds have healed" would have been acceptable- it's weird to think that wanting to be able to talk to Halsin after that and ask if he's okay is the same as "demanding he go through therapy for us" to some folks.

That one line isn't the best or most sensitively phrased, but it is HARDLY unique in that respect; there are many moments where your responses to delicate situations are awfully callous instead, even your "nice" ones. (See: immediately after Wyll gets his horns, where your nicest option is "The Blade of Frontiers has some explaining to do." No "oh my gods, are you okay? Are you in pain?") The lines following the nasty option include some wonderful choices (and a few callous ones, as per usual); "It's not for me to say- I wasn't there. But I'm here now, if you wish to talk," for example, which leads to Halsin thanking you and explaining that he hasn't had anyone to confide in for a very long time. Also, the offputting "you may need to reflect on that" option isn't the only way to get to the following lines; a Seldarine Drow, for example, can offer empathy by telling him he threaded the needle by surviving Lolth's pitiless followers at all. Sometimes, a writer's abstraction of situations like these can be really hard, and sometimes writers for dialogue trees fail to anticipate the responses players will want to give. (I.E. not foreseeing that players might want to sound less judgmental to Halsin's recovery, or that players' first concern will be with Wyll's wellbeing in the aftermath of him growing horns, not anger at his "dishonesty".) I would like alternatives to those callous responses, sure, but I don't think they imply bad intentions. Occam's razor and all that.

The truth is that we will never conclusively know what the intentions were behind the original version of that scene. However, in following with Occam's Razor, the simplest explanation is the best one, and it is almost always simpler to assume good intentions than to assume malice. With the care this game showed to rape, slavery, and other issues in the rest of the game, I find it much easier to believe that there was just bad conveyance of Halsin's past than I do that it was intended as a meanspirited joke against sexual assault survivors. Even if it was intended as a meanspirited joke, quite a lot of people had already found comfort in Halsin's character. There is no un-ringing the bell, so the best alternative was to improve the writing to address fan concerns.

Truthfully, any decision made could be argued to be prioritizing one group of fans over the other; if they had kept the status quo, they would have been prioritizing the group of fans who liked Halsin's downplaying of his trauma. Ultimately, Larian has shown that they enjoy making changes to the game over time (sometimes over the objections of fans, I.E. Gortash's letter); if they truly felt the true vision of their story was the original version and they felt it important to stick with it, they would have had no problem ignoring those fan complaints. Hell, one of THE most common complaints about Halsin is regarding his polyamory (especially from Early Access fans on the forums, who are quite vocal about feeling betrayed that Halsin isn't monogamous), and Larian has kept him poly because it is how they intended him to be. Larian didn't change Halsin's post-Drow scene solely because of fan outcry- they changed it because they wanted to. They have no problem keeping unpopular characterization beats and scenes in the game. If it were really a matter of "fan outcry = changed scenes" there would be an evil ending epilogue by now too.

Those are just my thoughts on the issue. I am leaving this untagged out of respect for other survivors who may not agree, but please feel free to reblog or comment- as long as discussion stays respectful.

[vexingwoman]

I'm radfem adjacent, and primarily consume "whump" for a lot of the reasons already detailed here. For me personally I find a lot of catharsis in this kind of content, but I admit a large part of it is probably my brain being rotted by fanfiction.

A lot of it is self fulfilling prophecy. It's simply way too difficult for me to see a woman character being hurt or tortured, and seeing a man under the same situation is in both parts a kind of revenge or catharsis for my own suffering. And if I desire to see this dynamic, there are truckloads of fanfiction and doujin about this specific topic, sometimes even with a happy ending. Someone else proposed that seeing your favorite character that vulnerable is appealing, which I think holds true for me as well. I think so many women are primarily drawn to gay male fiction because of internalized misogyny, but primarily in the sense it is difficult to see oneself in a sexual fantasy. Projecting or inserting myself into a female character requires so much internal observation of the self. It completely changes the dynamic in my mind, so it is so much easier to just insert a male character that I can project onto as the victim. With a female character I'm asking myself all these questions. Am I as attractive as her? Would the character I'm interacting with in this scenario ever be attracted to me? Would the sexual fantasy proceed in the same way if the other character perceived me as female? It is too painful to think about these things, so I just default to a comfortable impossible yaoi fantasy.

I find female fandom space fascinating, because it is the only part of the internet men have never had any interest in colonizing. So it's an almost clear mirror of how women feel in a hypersexualized society. There are certainly women who sexualize real gay men, but a fictional man is not a man. A fictional gay man is not a gay man. Lines on a screen will always be a projection. As long as women exist in a society where they are told constantly they could be raped, when all real life porn is men getting off to random women being raped, a lot of women will naturally turn that fear into a fantasy that can take the edge off of this constant, looming fear.

Very interesting. You touched on a sentiment I’ve had for a long time, which is that male characters get to be viewed as human first and male second, but female characters are viewed as female first and human second. For example, when a male character is emotional and vulnerable, it’s viewed as a consequence of his individual self. But when a female character is emotional and vulnerable, it’s viewed only as a consequence of her being female. I can definitely understand the feeling that envisioning yourself as a male character is much easier and requires less self-awareness or internal observation.

Honestly, it’s fascinating that you’re interested in the victimization of male characters, at least partly, as vicarious revenge for misogyny. It almost comes across as though you hate these male characters. However, as I mention here, most women in these communities are extremely vocal about loving, caring for, and adoring the male characters whose anguish they romanticize.

Overall, I’m learning that the radical feminist community has very differing opinions on this matter. You and many others have expressed the opinion that whump consumers are interested in male victims because female victims are too real and horrifying to read about. However, myself and others are of the opposite opinion, which is that whump consumers are interested in male victims because there is a lack of compassion for female victims—meaning, female anguish is only recognized for the horrifying tragedy that it is when imposed onto a male character.

@misandry-is-justified articulated this view nicely: “when a woman is victimized its to titillate the (male) audience, but when a man is victimized it is treated rightfully as a horrific and traumatizing incident […] this is why whump so often uses a male victim, because only then is trauma and violence treated as it should and only then is the victim truly treated as a victim.”

[raisedbythetv89]

I just started watching White Collar for the first time and a realization about most male written and directed media smacked me DIRECTLY in the face which is that SO MUCH media written by a for men is genuinely just male nerd self insert, non-canon compliant, AU fan fiction??????

Like them writing and creating stories is just “ok so these guys are soooo smooth and well dressed and women just flock to them at every turn and they can get away with anything and everyone believes and supports them when they do mess up and everyone thinks they’re sooooo brilliant”

This media isn’t just portraying women “for the male gaze” it’s EVERYTHING. Everything in these stories is supporting and uplifting mens’ delusions about who they are, how they’re perceived, and how they should expect to be treated. Which is incredibly ironic because anytime media portrays women or the world in the female gaze in a more “in my ideal world things would be like this” instead of portraying us as nothing but weak, broken, unloved, traumatized, victims OR one dimensional sex symbols with no needs or emotions they’re screaming, crying, throwing up about how stupid and unrealistic the story is….

This explains SO MUCH about how male characters are handled in shows like Veronica Mars and Buffy. Even though they’re shows staring women all the “good guys” get the delusional self insert, y/n, AU fan fic treatment (Buffy still wants Angel in season 3 and Riley in season 6 even after everything they did and Xander is CONSTANTLY forgiven for all the atrocious shit he says and does and is wanted by all women besides Buffy. Veronica forgiving Duncan and getting back together with him and even CONSIDERING Piz could truly only be born from men being delusional AS FUCK. Writing how they want men to be treated by women rather than being based in reality and the woman having even an ounce of self respect.)

Which is why the “bad boys”, Logan and Spike are such better characters. They’re so much more realistic, they get held accountable by the women in their lives, have better growth and are just way more appealing and attractive because they’re not the walking embodiment of what MEN want men to be treated and act like.

Oh god this feels like such cursed knowledge to have like it’s important to see this media for what it really is but now watching it feels that much yuckier like finding the porn of someone you DO NOT LIKE but like their emotional porn “this is what life would be like in my fantasies” and they’re the fantasies of the grossest men alive 😭😭😭😭😭

Also it shows their emotional maturity like all of these things are what 13 year old boys fantasize about not actual mature, grown men….

Also just realized this is why the Star Wars sequels were so hated. It wasn’t just Rey being powerful and loved by her found family and Kylo. It was that the movies showed the reality of men like Kylo. They destroyed the male fantasy Darth Vader created. They aren’t super cool, powerful badasses. They’re extremely sad, broken, temper tantrum throwing lost little boys who just want love and acceptance but have lost the ability to accept it because of the dark side (aka the patriarchy) which is the reality and that made me SOOOOO ANGRY lololololololol and this is why Joss Whedon THOUGHT making Spike into a sad pathetic mama’s boy of a poet would make the audience not like him because that DOES work on misogynistic men who enjoy the male gaze but does NOT work and only humanizes and makes Spike even more complex and lovable to the female gaze 💀💀💀💀 oh good lord

[qiific3]

have y’all ever stopped and asked yourself Why you think the vampire is hot? or at least why you like him so much? i certainly have and have some thoughts to share.

first and foremost i love a fictional character that is so traumatized that i can very shamelessly project onto them, although with astarion it came completely to my surprise. didn’t know his storyline was something i was going to bring up in therapy and use it to make sense of MY problems— but alas here we are. regardless, i love my fictional men as relatable as possible.

second and perhaps the most obvious is that he’s a vampire, but in the same vein (hehe) what is so attractive about a vampire. their whole thing is taking away your “life force” to sustain themselves. it’s in itself a selfish interaction, one where you not only do not benefit from it at all, but are actually actively harmed by it. but then again maybe that’s part of it. maybe there’s something about being able to choose to keep someone else alive by being vulnerable in such a way that’s so attractive— especially in the astarion scenario where it ends up a consensual transaction.

why do you guys like that little rogue? i’ve always been such a fan of vampires.

[thefrogdalorian]

Dincember Day 13: Family

Word Count: 2710 Rating: Teen Summary: Din Djarin is a complex man, with many walls you have not yet successfully broken down. You have been slowly building a life with the man who has a traumatic past he has alluded to, but never discussed in detail. One night, Din wakes up from a nightmare and finally lets you in. You comfort him, reminding him of your love for him and how much he deserves his unlikely family. Content Warnings: This one is pretty heavy. Deals with grief, PTSD, nightmares, survivor's guilt. Please be aware before proceeding! Author's Note: This came about because of how much I NEED to hug Din Djarin and make sure he's always loved and protected against The Horrors. Yes I know he's fictional but the sign won't stop me because I can't read. Also, I've written about Din comforting reader before but never reader comforting Din and I loved this for a change. Sometimes men just need a blub and a hug. Back to some festive fluff I hope tomorrow, but I hope you enjoyed!

Link to read on AO3 | My Dincember Masterlist

The slight movement next to you caused your eyes to flutter open. The cabin was completely dark and silent, save for the strange noise coming from somewhere next to you. At first, you thought that perhaps Grogu had wandered into your room as he sometimes did when he would Force leap to snuggle up with you and Din after a nightmare, and the peculiar noise was the sound of him snoring. You soon realised, though, that it was too loud to be Grogu. That left only one other person. You turned on the light resting on a small table next to your side of the cot to better assess the situation. 

When you turned over to face Din, the sight that greeted you caused your stomach to drop. You realised that something was seriously wrong. Din was sitting bolt upright, his broad shoulders rising and falling as the sounds of him quietly sniffling filled the room. 

“Din, are you alright?” You asked, voice full of concern as you sat up and rested your hand on the small of his back, moving it up and down, attempting to comfort him.

There was no response with words, just a choked sob. Din was too upset to vocalise his emotions. He shook his head slowly, looking around at you, his brown eyes shimmering with tears that had not yet fallen down his cheeks.

“Take your time, I’m here, I’ve got you,” You soothed, continuing to rub the warm expanse of Din’s back slowly. You hoped your motions brought him comfort, even if he could not vocalise a response. 

The sounds that were coming from the man you loved so much were like a punch in the gut, your insides twisted as you listened to the blood curdling sound. You wrapped your arm around Din’s shoulders and brought him closer to you, so his head rested on your chest. You ran your fingers through his curls softly, hoping that the motions would ease whatever pain he was currently experiencing. Your chest ached to know that he was in so much distress. You felt paralysed. Despite doing your best to help him, the awful sniffling sounds did not cease.

“I’m… I’m sorry,” Din sniffed into your chest, “I wo-woke you up.”

“Din, it’s fine. I wouldn’t want you to go through this alone,” You said, kissing his head softly, “I’m here for you. You’re going to be okay.”

Din just nodded against your chest. You felt relieved that at least he was able to respond to your words, giving a small indication that he believed them. Despite his anguish, knowing that your comforting touches and words were reaching him on some level reassured you. 

“Was it a bad dream?” You asked, once the sniffles had died down.

“I had a nightmare about…” Din gasped, “My parents.”

“Oh, Din,” You soothed, pulling his head against your chest and wrapping your arms around him even more tightly. You did not fully know what had happened to Din’s parents, only that he had lost them under traumatic circumstances at a young age, which was why he had been adopted by the Mandalorians. “I’m so sorry, that must have been awful. I wish I could do something more to make it right for you."

“It was,” Din squeaked. His usually calm, steady voice sounded so shaky and small. It was as if he were a frightened boy, rather than the hulking man that he was.

“I’m so sorry you had to relive that, honey,” You soothed, “It was just a dream though. You’re safe now. You're here in this cabin with me and Grogu and nothing bad will happen to you. Alright?”

Din nodded again. You felt some of the tension he had been holding in leaving his body as he relaxed slightly in your arms. It would take some time before he was fully calm again, but you knew he was on the right track at least, as the sniffles grew gradually more infrequent.

“Thank you,” Din finally said gratefully. He slowly lifted his head from where he had nestled it in your chest and turned to face you.

Your breath hitched at the sight of him, Din looked utterly broken. His eyes were bloodshot; there were deep, dark bags under them too. The lines on his handsome face seemed even more drawn than usual, the warm orange glow of the lamp that you had switched on revealed the devastating toll that his nightmare had wrought on him emotionally. 

“Oh, Din,” You whispered, reaching up to hold his face in your hands, stroking his stubbly cheeks gently with your thumbs. “I hate to see you like this. If you want to talk about it, share your burden with me, you know I’m here for you.”

“Thank you,” Din sighed, breaking eye contact and looking down at the cot below you. “I’ve never told you what happened to them, I mean, my parents… have I?” Din asked, his brown eyes remaining firmly fixed towards the blankets. 

“No, you haven’t,” You shook your head, “But you don’t have to tell me if it will upset you more.”

“I think… it would be good for me to share things with you. I mean, I thought for so long that they were the only family I would ever have,” Din admitted, brown eyes now looking at you once more. “Until I found you,” Din added, a small smile pulling at the corners of his plush lips.

You were floored by the beautiful sentiment. Sometimes, glimpses of the closed-off, emotionally unavailable bounty hunter that Din had once been came through. Despite how much Din had grown as a person since you had gotten to know him, you knew there was somewhat of a dark past there that he was still doing his best to overcome. The loss of his parents at an early age undoubtedly was a part of that past, and you were honoured that he trusted you enough to confide in you about what had happened to them. You both shifted so that you were sitting facing each other and you reached out to hold Din’s large, warm hands in your hands as they rested in his lap, you wanted him to know that you were with him.

“I was born on a planet called Aq Vetina. I had a happy childhood, my parents absolutely adored me. I never doubted for one single second their love for me. And they adored each other,” Din shut his eyes and inhaled deeply. You could see how much pain it was causing him to cast his mind back there. You looked at him encouragingly, squeezed his hand and with your reassuring touch, Din continued: “It was like any other day. I think I was running around the town centre with my friends, playing happily like a child when we heard it. This terrible noise was unlike anything I had ever heard before. It was the sound of them approaching... the Separatists. My friends... we panicked and scattered. I sprinted back in the direction of my home, but my parents had already heard the commotion. Somehow, I found them in the chaos, and my father picked me up. When I found them, I thought I was safe, but we weren't out of the woods yet. My father was carrying me, my mother was running alongside and we were heading for shelter away from the destruction but…”

Din was too upset to continue. You wanted to reassure him that he did not have to relive it if it was too painful for him: “Din, you don’t have to–”

“No, please,” Din said, exhaling shakily. “I want to tell you. I think… Talking helps, it’s important for me that I talk about them. So that I never forget them.”

“Okay, Din,” You nodded, trusting he could handle it.

“We tried to make it somewhere to hide, but it was too late. The droids were right there, obliterating everything in their path. Up ahead, there was a building that we probably could have taken shelter in, but it was risky, there were more droids up ahead. So my parents… they found somewhere small enough where I could hide and be safe. They hugged me, then opened the doors and put me down below, in a cellar. The doors closed and that was the last time I ever saw them. The next time the doors opened there was a Battle Droid there and I thought…” Din stopped, shutting his eyes and taking a deep breath, “I thought I was dead.”

“But you’re not Din, you lived, you survived,” You reminded him.

“I know. All thanks to them. My parents... they paid dearly to keep me safe. In my dreams, the door opens and the droid is there to shoot me, except the reality where the Mandalorians arrived at that moment, shot the droid and saved me does not happen.” Din said shakily, his voice cracking. “In my dream, no one comes. The droid is there and it… it…” Din whimpered.

“I know, Din,” You held his cheek in your hand, wiping the tears that fell as he cried softly, “I know, you don’t have to finish that off.”

“I just feel so guilty sometimes, why did I survive?” Din said, between sobs. “Out of everyone on that planet, why me? My parents, they should have had long and happy lives together, grown old and watched me grow up. But instead, they were wiped out along with everyone on Aq Vetina. Yet, I survived.”

“Oh, Din,” You breathed, “I cannot even imagine how traumatic that burden must have been for you to carry. You were so young, too. It's no wonder that it still haunts you all these years later. But you have nothing to feel guilty about. Your parents, they wanted you to live. They made the ultimate sacrifice so you could live, they would want you to do so without guilt. To be happy. And if they could see you now, they would be so proud of the man that you are. Do you know that?”

“I just… I go between gratitude to them for the life I’ve lived since and thinking that I should have… gone with them,” Din whispered.

Hearing Din say those words floored you, the air was sucked out of your lungs. To think that he would contemplate such a thing devastated you. 

“I’m sorry. It’s just when I have these dreams, these dark thoughts surface. When the droid comes, I think it might’ve been fairer if there was no Mandalorian to save me, so we all went together,” Din whispered darkly. Your hand was still cupping his jaw but he was no longer looking at you. “I just feel unworthy sometimes.”

You took a deep breath and reached out to hold his face with both hands. Din lifted his chin to look into your eyes. You exhaled and began to reassure him. “Din Djarin, you are more than worthy of every single good thing that has happened to you in your life,” You said, firmly. “You were just a little boy when it happened, Din. There was nothing you could have done. There is nothing you can do to change the past. I think it’s… it’s probably a pretty normal thing to think after such a traumatic experience, but you mustn’t believe it, Din,” You pleaded, “Okay? You lived for a reason. Look at everything you have achieved, the way you love Grogu, the enormous role you had in retaking Mandalore. And the way you love me. You deserved to live, Din, you deserve to be happy.”

“Thank you,” Din said, closing his eyes and sighing deeply. “I know you’re right.” Din opened his eyes again and looked at you. “I just wish I could see my parents one more time and thank them. I wish they could see me now. I know it’s been so many years and I probably should have gotten over it by now," Din shrugged.

“There is no timeline for getting over something like this, Din. It will be a part of you forever. But I also think what happened to you shaped the man you are. The man who I love so much," You said, stroking his cheeks with your thumbs tenderly. “You are giving Grogu all the love that you wish your parents had been able to give to you. That little boy lost his parents too, you know what that feels like. But then you came along, you gave him a life, Din. After so many years of pain, now he has a father to love and protect him. Where would he be without you?”

“I know, I love him so much,” Din admitted, his voice cracking at the mention of his son.

“And he loves you. And I love you,” You wiped the tears that trailed down Din’s cheeks with your thumbs. “We are a family, Din. You lost your parents when you were so young, but you have a family now.”

“I don’t know what I would do without you,” Din whispered.

“Well, it's a good thing I’m not going anywhere,” You smiled through the tears that had begun to fall down your own cheeks. “I’m with you forever, Din. Until our songs are written.”

“I love you,” Din whispered, bringing you close to his chest and wrapping his arms around you. “Thank you for loving me, for being my family.”

You just allowed Din to hold you, knowing from the way he nuzzled into your hair that he was getting comfort from having you in his arms. You stayed like that for a while, drawing strength and comfort from each other.

“Do you want to try to get some more rest?” You asked eventually, aware that Din had not slept very long. The Nevarrian sunrise was still hours away.

“Okay,” Din whispered, manoeuvring the two of you so that you were lying down. Your cheek ended up against his broad chest, so you could hear his beating heart and his arms wrapped around you. “Thank you, for everything, cyare.”

“You’re welcome, Din,” You replied, “I’m here for you, always. Thank you for being so open. I’m proud of you. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Din sighed. 

You closed your eyes, suddenly aware of how exhausted you were after such an emotional conversation. Sleep would not be far away, it seemed. But judging by the small, even breaths coming from your favourite Mandalorian, it seemed that Din had beat you to it. The soft sounds indicated that he had finally slipped into the much needed slumber that his mind and body were crying out for. 

You hoped that confiding in you about the terrible nightmare he had endured and subsequent thoughts that haunted him had eased some of the burden that Din carried with him. As you turned to look at him, pride swelled in your chest. You were so proud that the frightened, traumatised boy from Aq Vetina who had lost everything he ever knew and everyone he ever loved that one fateful day had grown into such a kind, honourable man. You knew Din loved you and Grogu with everything he had. Despite the horrors he had endured, he had worked hard to overcome them and not let his traumatic past define him. 

And along the way, he had found his own unlikely little family. A family that would receive all of the love he had stored up inside him, love that had been dormant, just waiting to be unleashed; to be given to others. Learning to love others was a process that had begun with Grogu, the special little boy softened the cold, detached Mandalorian's heart and revealed his softer side. But in meeting you, Din had discovered that his capacity for love went beyond what he ever thought possible.

You felt honoured to receive that love every single day, just as you knew that Din felt grateful for your love in return. You knew that regardless of what trials and tribulations lay ahead, Din Djarin would always have the one thing that had eluded him for so many years, but had nonetheless always deserved: his own family.