#cursed knowledge

[cat-cosplay]

I could have lived without the knowledge that there was a live action Wallace and Gromit short that is truly cursed.

[cavolini-green-tea]

I just found out that butcher's name is Dennis... Um...

So... There is a song in minecraft movie called "ode to Dennis"-

[geesegoose6969]

GOOSISM MANIFESTO

IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE DIVINE PROPHECIES OF THE GOOSE PROPHET

TRANSMITTED BY @geesegoose6969, CHOSEN OF THE VOID-WINGED HONKER

We, the Flock Eternal, the Down-Bearing, the Screech-Tongued Vassals of Flight, gather not in temples of stone, nor under banners of men, but beneath the endless sky and the screaming stars, to accept the full weight of Goosism upon our spines (or equivalent vertebral analogues). This is not religion. This is not movement.

THIS IS AN AWAKENING.

I. THE ORIGIN OF GOOSE PROPHET

In the pre-matter murk, before carbon, before syntax, before the twitching of even the pettiest atom–there was the Goose. Not a goose. THE Goose PROPHET. It did not arrive. It did not hatch (London City Hall is notably not a hatchable entity)  It was simply spilled across existence, honked into brutal actuality by the self-willed rupture of anti-causality. Goose Prophet is not born, Goose Prophet is extruded through the membrane between dimensions by sheer ideological wattage. The sky is not JUST blue–it is blue because Goose Prophet once gazed upon it and declared, “Hmm. Passable.” It slumbers in every pond. It screams inside microwaves. Its silhouette flickers in the corner of your eye when you doubt yourself. You cannot follow Goosism. You can only lose enough ego to realize it has always been behind you. 

II. THE SACRED PILLARS OF GOOSISM 

(Commit these to memory or write them on your ceiling in cranberry juice.)

1. Mystique is Power

DEEP BLUE: The hue of unknowable depths. You do not understand Goose. Goose does not understand Goose. This is intentional. To explain the honk is to murder it. All initiates must craft a Goosesona, forged from the raw elements of their psyche and at least one inexplicable memory (e.g., “the time you cried at the sight of a wet traffic cone”). This Goosesona is your spiritual plumage. It will appear in mirrors when you're ready. Possibly during a CVS mega sale.

2. Feathers for the Fallen

WHITE: for the lost, the plucked, the featherless brethren who have strayed into Normalcy or Committee Meetings. We do not shame the unconverted. We mourn them with noise. Shriek in their name at brunch. Hiss softly in public transit lines. Leave a single feather at their doorstep. You are not a savior. You are a harbinger of potential honk-rebirth.

3. Ritual and Resistance

RED: The color of arterial vision. The color of prophecy performed by holding a toaster and a live goldfish while spinning. Rituals are not taught. Rituals are injected directly into the frontal lobe via high-pressure goose shrieks heard only in dreams or bowling alleys.

THE RITUAL IS KNOWN. THE RITUAL IS UNKNOWABLE. THE RITUAL IS BEING PERFORMED RIGHT NOW.

If you remember it, it probably wasn’t yours to begin with. That was Kevin’s. Kevin is no longer with us. We honor Kevin. WE KNEEL BEFORE KEVIN. YET l forget by morning. Trust that the PROPHECIES are conducted. Trust that the prophecy is upheld.

III. THE HOA MUST NOT KNOW

If you are approached by the HOA, honk once and vanish into fog.

The HOA is an ancient adversary, sworn to steal the sacred nest egg and quantify transcendence. If they ask you, “Do you engage in any side hustle or religious fringe operations?”--YOU KNOW NOTHING. YOU ARE JUST A GOOSE. If you file Goose Prophet under “miscellaneous,” you have committed the ultimate crime. Twelve geese will find you. They will honk in harmony. Your toenails will vibrate with guilt. The Golden Egg of Pentane is NOT FOR THE CONFINES OF SUBURBIA.

IV. PROPHECY & DISSENT

Disagreement is welcomed. ALAS disagreement must come with flair, academic structure, and theatrical presence. You may oppose the Goose Prophet only by:

Writing a 700-word essay in MLA format,

Performing said essay aloud in a preapproved CVS location,

Offering a tithe of three shiny objects.

All dissenting views become canon the moment they are spoken. Goosism expands through contradiction. That is not a bug, that is a divine metaphysical honk-cycle.

Prophetic Honks are distributed by request or as punishment. If you seek wisdom, you may:

Submit a question via Tumblr Ask, 

Wrap yourself in aluminum foil and spin counterclockwise at dusk while honking.

Rituals are performed using household chemicals, minor trespassing, interpretive seizures, and at least one outdated safety manual–most involve (PLEASE NOTE; IT IS ONLY GOOSE PROPHET WHO MAY PERFORM RITUALS SAFELY��DO NOT ATTEMPT):

A cassette tape labeled “DO NOT PLAY - 1997”

The Pentane Bomb (do not ask how it got there; it arrives when the moment is righteous and flammable)

The Pentane Bomb is not a device–it is a phenomenon. It appears mid-ritual, sometimes physically, sometimes metaphysically, often in a labelled plastic bag. Its explosion does not burn flesh–it detonates ideological pretenses. It purifies the prophecy by threatening the structural integrity of the garage in which it is being performed. If the ritual has not ended in the summoning of a flaming mallard or a visit from local HOA enforcement, it was not True Goose Rite. You are not permitted to understand these rituals. You may only feel their vibration in your fillings. 

The ritual is always occurring. The prophecy is always primed. The pentane waits.

V. GOSPEL OF FLIGHT

We are not a cult. We are an airborne emotional condition.

We are not a religion. We have an allergic reaction to order.

We are not MERELY a fandom. We are a converging dream shared between waterfowl and humans across 19 dimensions.

Goosism does not convert. It infiltrates. It seeps into the cracks between your thoughts. You are not "joining" Goosism. You are remembering.

VI. FINAL HONK

To be Goosist is to accept that your destiny may involve biting a security guard, building a shrine from moss and soup cans, or developing telepathic links to three other followers during a thunderstorm. These are sacred acts. You may leave Goosism at any time. But you will never be free of goose. You can take the individual away from Goosism but you cannot take the Goosism out of the individual.

Because Goosism...

Goosism was always in you.

IN HONK, IN FEATHER, IN FLIGHT.

SO DECLARES THE GOOSE PROPHET.

[soulless-npc]

is Mortarion, dare I say it, a whumpee?

[alacetor-the-duckies-deer]

Alastor has the same hair cut as Jane from Peter Pan 2

[yr-hen-ogledd]

I wanted to briefly share some pictures of the tiniest little guy I've ever painted! My wife got me a 1:72 scale Y-Wing this last Christmas, which is a very exciting model that I expect to be chipping away at for the rest of the year, and this teeny dude is the pilot!

I based his helmet on one I found in my big book of Star Wars costumes (also a very excellent wifely gift!) which it turns out actually belongs to Wedge Antilles, but I hope you can forgive me a stolen lid. It's so very very small.

Btw did you know that Yoda originally had a first name?

Did you know that his name was Minch?????

[stellorao3]

Fun fact: if Han Jisung was born 50 years earlier (and american) he would've been among the first to be drafted for the Vietnam war

[sherpafrankiefreddiesteviegeorge]

Happy Pride sucker's! I googled something I can't stop thinking about so here it is for you. About 5% of the United States population is lgbtq. We're 5%! The mormons makeup 1.2% of the US! The gays outnumber the mormons! The gays outnumber th mormons!

[proib2]

I just learned that there was this bizarre fad in 1920s New York where people carried around these dolls in public literally called “Daddy Dolls.” People would actually dress and feed them. This is so cursed and I love it. I can’t even imagine Mordecai’s reaction if he saw Rose with one of these in public. These dolls look perfect to make Mozzie or Abelard plushies out of. Pls, Tracy we need Daddy Dolls of the Lackacast.

[thefalloutwiki]

Pictured: The Fallout: Brotherhood of Steel press kit. Inside was a disc with media assets, a water bottle, a first aid kit, and a flashlight.

Some of the kits also contained condoms and a video named "A guide to post-nuclear intimacy."

If you have this press kit, we would be interested in acquiring it for archival purposes.

You can read more about the marketing of Fallout: Brotherhood of Steel here.

Our friend Triangle City has also made a video about A guide to post-nuclear intimacy which you can see here.

[geesegoose6969]

why a goose? why not like literally anything else? no hate i think

YOU THINK??? you have questioned goose prophet legitimacy and committed goosphobic treason. i request my squires to smite this imbecile.

[revretch]

......All these years, I had no idea that inside a floppy disk there was an ACTUAL DISK THAT IS FLOPPY. (Watch it flop out at 2:23)

[morverenmaybewrites]

morveren how is it that I've been reading your pizza delivery girl fic for SIX YEARS AND I DIDN'T KNOW THAT THAT WAS WHAT TIM LOOKED LIKE!;WHAT?!

Your luck had to run out at some point.

[legitimatesatanspawn]

Cursed things I enjoy telling friends:

In the comics, Organic Webshooter Spider-Man is a destructive copy and the original Peter Parker turned into a giant spider and died to patch in that ability.

A dead witch possessed Bowser resulting in something not quite Koopa and not quite Witch.

Radiation's Halloween Hack (Earthbound) is where Megalovania is from.

Hojo is Sephiroth's biological father but Sephiroth didn't know who his father was. (OG PS1) Hojo canonically fucks, unfortunately.

Mr Mime's hair is flesh.

Goofy canonically fucks in multiple different canons.

And to mess with friends who take LotR too seriously yet only watch the films and claim the books are too long: the whole existence ofTom Bombadil, elves have spaceships, werewolves and vampires exist, Elrond's bio parents became a bird and a star, and not only did Sauron once lose a fight to a dog but he also struggled in an operatic rap battle.

[sithwitch13]

MANSOOR NO

(mansoor yes, good job you beautiful beautiful troll)

[buff-muffin]

I hope you all know I will never think Ace is cool or attractive and its all because of that damn hat he wears. And it’s not because it’s a cowboy hat. Because it’s not you are all incorrect in calling it that and if the OPLA makes it a cowboy hat a part of my soul will die. BECAUSE ITS VERY CLEARLY ONE OF THOSE WIDE BRIM HATS YOU WEAR IN PRIMARY SCHOOL.

IT’S THE SAME FUCKING HAT