#I love that their arcs are about healing at their core

[genericpuff]

Was your Kore/Persephone portrayal inspired by dissociative disorders? I interpreted it more as her dark internal monologue that she was suppressing. Like when you have dark thoughts of know things inherently, but try to rationalize your way out of thinking them. I figured it was just a more dramatic way of portraying intrusive thoughts.

Ahh this isn't really a question I can answer with a simple "yes" or "no". Especially when considering everything you just listed are often inherently symptoms of many interlinked mental disorders like DID and BPD haha (especially when it comes to the suppressing).

As I mentioned in my previous post I've been writing these types of characters for years. Uzuki is a big one that comes to mind. I love writing conflicts of the self, mind vs. reality, identity vs. instinct, past vs. present, etc.

CW: BLOOD/GORE, GRAPHIC VIOLENCE, DEPICTION OF TRAUMATIC BREAKDOWNS AND DISSOCIATION AHEAD!!!

(note the black and grey pages are read right to left like a manga, this was from my weeb days LOL)

It wasn't until years later after I was diagnosed with ADHD and autism that I realized my love for those tropes was rooted in something far more internal. Sure, sometimes a trope is just a trope, but now I fully understand why I've found myself pulled back to that trope time and time again, because I myself have struggled with a lot of the same internal conflicts that characters like Uzuki and Kore have struggled with. It wasn't just me loving a trope, it was me finding solidarity and representation in characters who shared my experiences, even if they were largely hypothetical or for the sake of creative expression.

That realization came long before Rekindled, of course, but it hit me like a sack of bricks when it did, as any realization of an undiagnosed disorder tends to do after years of thinking you're just "broken". That said, it's allowed me to explore these topics with even more nuance and understanding, while also pointing out my own weaknesses and blind spots in the pre-conceived notions I had about myself that I was then able to challenge once I knew what was really going on. It was still challenging as it was so personal, but it ultimately made me a stronger person and a stronger writer.

Skip to the future though with Rekindled, everything I just explained is why I was so interested in LO's AoW plotline to begin with, because a lot of it played to my own interests in those sorts of characterizations - consequently, it was one of the plotlines I wanted to overhaul the most when I started coming up with the basis for Rekindled, as I was disappointed that it was forgotten about over the course of S2 and completely retconned by the trial arc. In a weird way, it almost feels like all the time I spent working with characters like Uzuki was preparing me for a character like Kore/Persephone. And conversely, writing about Kore/Persephone has helped me harness my skills more which I can take back with me when it comes time to continue Uzuki's story.

All that said, mental disorders and neurodiversity were never "inspiration" to me when I was learning how to write and/or designing these characters, but that didn't make them any less intersectional. It was more like something that just came naturally to me as someone who is neurotypical and has diagnosed mental disorders (I am my own worst inspirations LOL) and I wanted more characters like that who weren't just automatically "villains". I try to always treat them with care to ensure that I'm being kind to both the characters as well as myself as someone who heavily relates to these experiences, but I'm also not really afraid to express the more "ugly" sides of those experiences either. Especially with characters like Uzuki who are largely problematic to their core in their actions - much of those actions, as I would learn about myself in my own healing journey as well, are often spurred on by a lack of care, empathy, and understanding in their unique struggles.

There is so much I'd love to say about Kore and Persephone's characterizations and what led them to this point, but I got about a paragraph in before realizing that it would be WAY too massive of a spoiler LOL I'm really, really excited to get into it - though nervous too - but I hope that, at the very least, readers can have patience for her as she goes through everything that's on the horizon. There are times it may get ugly, even outright bleak, but that is simply one side of the coin that represents her duality as a goddess - the dreaded Bringer of Destruction, and the merciful Goddess of Spring.

[animucrystal]

thinking about arthur and gwen and i think the best part about their relationship for me is the Choice. theyre two people with not alot of agency in their lives, for varying reasons. arthur obviously has a lot more privilege, but has to play a part in order to rule his kingdom properly lest he be seen weak to others and put his people in jeopardy. hes born and raised in one role, to be a prince then a king. he takes it on with pride, but you Know he feels stifled. gwen, on the other hand, is a black servant girl born in a lower class family. she may not have a certain “role” shes required to fill but she still has to work hard to provide for her family and for herself. she has to look and act like a proper lady lest people think shes unfit for her job, she has to be subservient in order to keep her already fragile status. the agency they do have is very limited, not just by society but by their own morals and beliefs. however, despite all of that, they both choose to take a risk with this one thing. they decide to take a risk Together, and they do it for Years!! they wait for YEARS!!! they work hard to be together, to Stay together, and while they may not have been eachothers first loves - they make it last because they Choose to make it last.

personally, thats way more romantic that being destined for eachother. they chose eachother and kept choosing eachother everyday, what else is there to say?

[brionysea]

when it comes to the umbrella academy, a lot of people seem to think that the first half is great and the second half is terrible. personally, I think only the first *season* is great, or even good. here's why:

the mission statement at the end of season 1 is fixing viktor, but viktor isn't the only broken one, so you can infer that they're all going to have to fix *each other* - as a family, the one thing their abuser never let them be. and the world's burning down around them because of the most dramatic sibling confrontation to ever grace the earth, but they're holding hands and escaping together and surviving the impossible with the intent to move forward, even if that means momentarily moving backwards. it's a masterful allegory for finally growing up, accepting responsibility for your personal trauma and tragedy and how they shaped you, and the moment you take that power back by choosing to heal your inner child, only after being slapped in the face with the fact that if you don't, it *will* destroy everything you've ever built, ever cared about, and ever could.

and then the rest of the show forgets all of it. as it were, it goes in the *exact opposite direction.*

on the surface, the second season isn't *as* bad as the subsequent ones are. but season 3 and 4's faults can be traced back to season 2 by how it pivoted away from the serious subject matter that the story (not the plot - the *story*) was heavily baked in, leaning hard into the goofier elements instead, without ever understanding the contrast that those conflicting elements served to highlight. it made them both more powerful; the jokes were funnier because you were just devastated, and the trauma was more devastating because you were just in tears laughing. the emotional roller coaster is key to understanding these people, and you *have* to take the serious stuff seriously for it to work. at least half of the show doesn't, and as a result, the emotional moments feel hollow.

controversial opinion: as a character, luther is better in season 1 than he is anywhere else. he's more unlikable, but that's because he's implicitly there to show what *not* to do - even if he'd succeeded narratively by locking viktor up and saving the world, he still failed thematically by emulating their father and continuing the cycle of abuse - so luther's a character that's being very effectively used to add to the core theme of the story. he feels like a real, frustrating person, whose brain chemistry got messed up by years of abuse and isolation, all for the crime of thinking his father loved him and wanted the best for him. not like a made up guy on your screen doing silly stuff solely for your entertainment.

season 2 was also the start of the characters getting love interests instead of storylines, which season 1 never would have *dreamed* of; klaus and dave's tragic romance only served to further klaus's character arc, viktor's creepy boyfriend was actually manipulating him the whole time, five's fractured-psyche-mannequin was a narrative tool to let us see into the head of such an emotionally reticent character, and so on. the romance served the character, but fairly quickly into the show's progression, it felt like the character started serving the romance. five was immune to this curse for a long time due to aidan gallagher's age, which is why he's (for the most part) the best, most consistent character across the show, because they had to use their *imagination* for him and actually *write an arc* instead of falling back on tired romance tropes that any selection of characters could slot into to fill the dead space.

after season 1, the umbrella academy is entertaining, but it doesn't have anything to *say.* which is extremely disappointing when the show initially made such a strong case for what it wanted to be.

[silverflqmes]

໒⦂ 𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐇𝐂𝐒.

synopsis. a compilation of headcanons that showcase the dating experience of the first class SOLDIER boys — along with a certain self proclaimed one..

genre. fluff + crack

ft. sephiroth, cloud strife, zack fair, genesis rhapsodos, angeal hewley

gender neutral! reader.

➫ 𝓢𝗘𝗣𝗛𝗜𝗥𝗢𝗧𝗛 ୨୧ ˎˊ˗

⌗ what’s it like dating sephiroth? it’s along the lines of sneaking around to meet at your most favorite spots, learning how to love, delicate touches and kisses, elements of forbidden romance, healing and deep conversations involving lots of reassurance.

⌗ sephiroth isn’t very familiar with physical affection, it’s something he never had the luxury of experiencing all his life.. so he would be a bit awkward with it, confused even, but he’s willing to learn cuz he wants to bond with you more! that and he’s hella touch starved.. although he won’t say🙁

⌗ love language, let’s see.. he also seems like the acts of service kinda guy, but values words of affirmation — whether towards himself or towards you. he doesn’t want his unwarranted popularity to bring you doubt of your own worth, but he also wants to hear he’s enough for you, since he, um, doesn’t view himself in the best light.. sobs.

⌗ the first date.. well, i would think you guys would have been together during the crisis core era cuz like.. after nibelheim.. kinda hard. unless you have jenova cells😭 anyways- the first date! he was not sure on where to take you, given his schedule and just him not um being sure on where to take you.. somehow, though, you ended up at a beautiful library, straight out of a fairytale setting. how he found such a hidden gem in midgar of all places stayed unknown to you, but it was such a lovely outing together<3 he seemed so carefree and at ease ( im sobbing. )

⌗ if anybody dares talk shit about sephiroth or make him feel outcasted, inhuman — whatever they have made him feel — BEAT THEM UP!! although, not actually.. because he won’t let you😐 still, he finds it sweet that despite his power and capability of ending somebody’s career — you won’t hesitate for even a second to stand up for him. likewise, if people dare to hurt you in anyway, it’s on sight.

⌗ ah, the i love you.. he would take a minute to say it because he’s still trying to understand the concept of love and process that you actually feel that way about him. but you wouldn’t say it first — he would. because you want him to say it when he feels it’s right, cuz you don’t wanna pressure him or anything..

⌗ sephiroth became a father of a very, very adorable feline friend that you surprised him with one day to keep him company. he was confused at first — but has grown fond of the cat and it’s his best friend now. they have the same eye color too and the cat has silver fur!!

➫ 𝓒𝗟𝗢𝗨𝗗 𝓢𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗙𝗘 ୨୧ ˎˊ˗

⌗ what’s it like dating cloud? it’s late nights underneath the stars, comforting words and squeezes, a rollercoaster of challenges that you will have to overcome in order to be with one another.. and emotional constipation on his end for sure, but he’s trying his best!

⌗ cloud isn’t exactly the easiest with pda, he gets embarassed easily and doesn’t seem like the type to uh.. want people watching him do something outside of his norm? not really the spotlight loving type despite the wall market arc.. but he is okay with handholding and locking pinkies even too<3

⌗ his love language, hm.. i think it would be acts of service on the giving end, and for the receiving end, i think words of affirmation would suit his wants. he just wants to make sure he’s doing okay for you, every now and again he needs to hear it. otherwise i do see physical affection behind curtains.. he’s not openly expressive on it — has a hard time asking for stuff🥹

⌗ first date, uhh.. i think he would’ve gotten with you by the advent children timeline, just because he wants to do some reflection and y’know get the angst out of his system.. but anyway, the date i think would be a drive on fenrir ( his motorcycle.. ) to the outskirts of edge, somewhere the stars can be seen. it’s simple, nothing complex, just to unwind and enjoy the other’s company.

⌗ cloud tends to get nightmares a lot, i mean, bro has unresolved trauma.. and doesn’t have all his memories back because of that. so i feel he would have developed insomnia or just fears going to sleep. when this happens, i imagine later down the line when you are comfy with each other, be there for him!! company helps, always<3

⌗ for the i love you.. well, i think you’ll probably be the one to say it first — but verbatim. cloud, however, would be the one to say it first.. but without actually saying those three words.

⌗ while cloud has a very idgaf attitude and demeanor, he won’t hesitate to kick ass if someone speaks bad on you or does anything harmful towards you. bro literally used to brawl with kids back in nibelheim😭 if he hears any shit spoken on you or sees you getting pushed around, the buster is coming tf out🫡 or well, i suppose first tsurugi if it’s ac..

➫ 𝓩𝗔𝗖𝗞 𝓕𝗔𝗜𝗥 ୨୧ ˎˊ˗

⌗ what’s it like dating zack fair? a total fever dream that makes you feel like a school girl in love, surprise attack hugs, being dragged to all sorts of places for dates, phone calls when you are apart and can’t sleep, convenience store trips at super odd hours and avoiding your responsibilities at shinra!

⌗ bro is so about pda, he can’t keep his hands off you!! wants to hug and hold you as much as possible, truly a puppy🥸 in public he likes to hold hands and walks with a skip in his step cuz he’s just so happy to be around you, also likes to wrap an arm around you for close proximity<3 doesn’t shy away from physical touch basically!

⌗ love language.. definitely physical affection, bro is totally the clingy type.. but i also believe he would value it a lot tbh — giving as well as receiving! then there’s acts of service, cuz i think that would also be his thing based on him telling aerith to make a list of her wishes for him.. OH, OH AND QUALITY TIME!! can’t forget that🙃

⌗ the first date was at costa del sol!! cc era too cuz um.. well.. y’know.. zack needed a break away from SOLDIER activities and hitting the beach seemed like a good way to go! catch some rays, chase those waves, maybe some volleyball, bbq and smoothies!! if you think it’s gonna be a relaxing day.. it’s probably gonna be a shit load of different activities.. but don’t worry!! you’ll get the absolute best sleep EVER afterwards. guaranteed!!

⌗ zack is a pretty emotional person, he feels very easily so if you’re hurt or upset, he aches for you. he rlly wants you to be happy, doesn’t want to see your smile taken away, ever. so he does everything in his power to ensure your happiness and if it’s people who have brought you sadness, then oh boy, they have another thing coming..

⌗ he kinda blurts the i love you out first without thinking tbh, it just comes out and he has the widest grin on his face when he says it. he fr doesn’t know what he’s doing to you, no matter how flustered or warm your chest feels, he’s so nonchalant about it😭 like why should he wait when he knows how he feels??

⌗ angeal had to give him a long ass talk about dating, honor, treating you well — you name it, your average angeal lecture🫡 but romance edition.. featuring genesis ( and sephiroth in the background smiling apologetically )

➫ 𝓖𝗘𝗡𝗘𝗦𝗜𝗦 𝓡𝗛𝗔𝗣𝗦𝗢𝗗𝗢𝗦 ୨୧ ˎˊ˗

⌗ what’s it like dating genesis? it’s like being in a fairytale or movie, having poetry recited to you on the daily to further emphasize his love, getting spoiled endlessly, touches that leave you wanting more and ending up with the prince of your dreams.. kinda.

⌗ he is very much about pda! likes to display that you are his, holds you in his arms at any chance he gets, peppers you with slow, yet lingering kisses that leaves you completely touch starved😪 angeal has to scold him sometimes when he takes too long saying goodbye, especially if they have to go on missions..

⌗ love language would be a mixture between gift giving and physical affection, but i could also see him wanting words of affirmation. i mean he feels like he’s the failed attempt at being sephiroth, believes that the top hero spot should be his and all.. but otherwise, giving gifts to you would definitely be smtn he’d wanna do, especially if his missions are outside of midgar.

⌗ ah, the first date.. well, once again your best chance at being with him would have to have been during the cc timeline cuz bro dips.. but anyway!! the date.. well, strap yourself in cuz you’re going to a living showing of genesis’ favorite, loveless. yes, yes he takes you to a play. how can he not? it’s his favorite work of literature, and he wants to share that love with you too!! he’ll dress you up fancy beforehand, bought you a whole outfit😵‍💫

⌗ circling back to the reassurance thing.. despite his arrogance, he feels like he’s not good enough a lot. feels like a failed project in a sense, and views himself as less because of his degradation — it’s just a slow burn for him. but a little bit of affirmation on your end and the promise of wanting him for him helps a lot<3

⌗ who said i love you first.. hm, he seems like the type to say it without actually saying those specific words. i think he would have said it several times via poetry before you fully register that this man fr said he loved you. awkward on your end. but when the pieces finally clicked together, butterflies swarmed your stomach hella but you adored every minute of it🫶

⌗ he shows off his relationship with you at any chance he gets to sephiroth and zack, angeal kinda but not really.. but he’s just super proud to have you as his and makes sure that it’s known among his colleagues at shinra😭 clown behavior fr but you love it anyway, it’s always nice to feel wanted — even if your man is flashy about it..

➫ 𝓐𝗡𝗚𝗘𝗔𝗟 𝓗𝗘𝗪𝗟𝗘𝗬 ୨୧ ˎˊ˗

⌗ what’s it like dating angeal? being treated with lots of care and gentleness, bit of a mom for a boyfriend at times cuz he wants to make sure you’re taken care of, cradling your face in his hands like you’re his everything and saving you no matter the odds, like a guardian angel.

⌗ pda won’t um.. be so much, bro is very respectful of space and has to be proper or whatever because of honor!! that and he kinda has an image to upkeep, especially with zack around — gotta show the right example of having a significant other! but when you’re alone, he likes to hold you close and just enjoy your presence tbh

⌗ the love language.. let me see, i think he would be a mixture between acts of service and quality time. he enjoys being with you and any company he can get when he isn’t called on missions or babysitting training zack. when he can’t be present, he does things for you to express his love — genesis urges him to!!

⌗ okay let’s see.. the first date, well — again, cc timeline here too since he also, um, leaves.. ANYWAY. where was the location of the first date, you might ask, well.. the museum tbh! i think he would enjoy the calmness of it and just looking at different works of art.. except his most favorite work would fr distract him from any other scenes — that being you. so plan failed on his end, but you had enjoyed yourself lots, and that made him happy to witness🫶

⌗ the amount of panic he would feel if he saw you hurt, like bro is meant to protect you — he promised that he would.. so angeal would feel like he failed you in a sense for not being there to prevent your pain, but you remind him that he’s there now and that you feel safe again, grounded in spite of the hurt you earlier felt.

⌗ i think the first i love you would come from you cuz he just.. wouldn’t know the right time or chance to say it LMAO so you end up saying it which brings this look of shock to his face, but then a warm smile would stretch across his lips, knowing you felt the same as he did<3

⌗ can’t sleep? he’s got plenty of stories to tell about his childhood and some silly events during his missions. it feels foreign to hear this lighthearted, less mature side to him, but it’s also a breath of fresh air and makes you feel special that he allows you to see this more relaxed side to him that isn’t a stoic overly responsible SOLDIER🗣️

notes. whew oh boy uhh second time writing ffvii, i hope it turned out okay :’) i kinda wrote these out of order so some might seem longer or shorter but i hope you guys enjoy!! ik it’s different from the fandoms i write for, but welp this is where my brain has been🫡

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[ominous-horse-noises]

im ab to be annoying ab dimension20 fhjy but im genuinely loving the character arcs for the bad kids this season?

kristen going from self-annihilatingly stupid to trying to build a genuine bridge with the man who not only wielded the religion that traumatised her (bobby dawn), but also was trying to ruin her life, just bc she thought a grieving father ought to be comforted in some way? her genuine distress at being unable to revivify buddy even though the two had only had negative interactions, or her biting her tongue in front of her parents so she could better look after her little siblings? grappling with the fact that she still, on some level, expected practising religion to be easy and convenient for her as a holdover from an entire childhood spent being a Chosen One, and finally putting her nose to the grindstone and committing to working her ass off for a deity that couldn't even benefit her for a hot minute? making an effort to be cordial with tracker's new gf and letting go of that codependency? the kristen applebees from ep20 would NOT do all the same stupid shit as ep1 and i love that.

fabian being humbled by the narrative again and again has been an absolute treat for his character. the whole ivy/mazey situation was great: freshman/sophomore year fabian would've gone for ivy no sweat, i mean her character seemed pretty similar to pre-redemption aelwyn and he had a huge crush on her then. but this time, when he realised he'd hurt a genuinely great person, and intentionally swallowed his pride to make it up to mazey, even though it required him being 'uncool' with the whole twister thing. his general arc of learning that earnestness and humility doesn't make him less of a man felt like a natural extension of fabian defining his own version of masculinity- sure, a 'maximum legend', but also someone deeply involved in the arts, and someone who is less afraid of saying sorry and being vulnerable in front of someone he likes

fig. fig fig fig. what a woman. its been absolutely fascinating watching build her sense of identity over these three seasons. at her core, fig is a character that loves so deeply. in freshman, she was terrified of the depth of her own devotion, so she tried to distance herself emotionally from everyone. in sophomore, she built herself around that love for other people. in junior year, fig's arc has been learning she can do both: that she's defined by her love for others, but not solely by it. ik emily wanted to retire the character before this season but i think fig's paladin arc was the best capstone to her journey possible.

gorgug's arc has been about establishing clear boundaries for himself and i love it. im aware there's been some Discourse ab the mango soda scene but to me that was pretty easily chalked up to teenage insecurity. a big part of gorgug's arc was trying to believe in himself when everyone around him told him he was too dumb to follow his passion- imagine struggling in an area that you have no natural aptitude for, and someone comes along and also trounces you in the one area you thought you were the best in. i'd be petty and reactive too (gorgug follows up calling her a freak with the fact that she beat the shit out of him, so its clearly him just still smarting from a bruised ego and not actual malice). in general, i've really like gorgug learning to put his foot down and say enough is enough without completely losing his gentleness.

adaine hasnt had an obvious arc, but considering she addressed most of her baggage in the first two seasons, i'm not surprised. i would've liked to see the other bad kids address her 'teenage adult' behaviour, but her self-awareness about it and relying on fabian to pull in clutch for the oracool stuff still felt like she'd learned to rely on her friends at least + her reaching out to aelwyn and the two of them healing from their parents together has been rewarding it its own right.

riz is perfect and has learned nothing. his neuroticism is part of his natural swag

[yannaryartside]

CARMY NEVER WANTED TO CREATE A MENU WITH SYD.

AND WHY THAT IS THE CORE THEME OF THE SHOW

PART 1: THE LIE THAT CARMY BELIEVES

So, one of the bases of creating an efficient character arc is to give the character something they want, and something they need. In the pursuit of getting what they want, the theme of the show and obstacles will show them what they need. Most of the time, they need healing from an emotional wound that prevents them from growing into the ultimate version of themselves, capable of winning the challenges of the story. I will try to explore Carmy's wound and, more importantly, the lie that created that wound.

In 'The negative trait thesaurus" by Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi, it reads:

"Wounds are often kept secret from others because embedded within them is the lie-an untruth that the character believes about himself."

When I started therapy (disclaimer: this is not professional advice; I am just talking from how I interpreted all of this), I was introduced to the concept of "limiting beliefs:" lies we have told ourselves about our own nature or the nature of the world. The most difficult beliefs to leave behind are those established in our early childhoods, and we told ourselves those lies to make sense of the world, to make peace with realities we were not equipped to comprehend yet. 

Some examples of lies people belive:

"I am too stupid to learn anything; my teacher said so" "It was my fault that I was molested." "I am a bad person for wanting a different life."

When people believe these lies, they will act accordingly, maybe attracting situations that hurt them but keeping the lie active in their lives. They may self-sabotage or create bonds with people who also believe the lie, even if it doesn't seem this way. 

In some cases, people may develop complete personalities or behaviors to prove the lie wrong, but deep down, they still believe in the lie. Carmy falls into this last category. This is where we find the most contradictory parts of his personality, how he can act shy and insecure in some instances and appear confident and even aggressive in others. 

Long post underneath.

THE RESENT OF A MOTHER:

We can only assume here because I think Storer is gonna let us know more about this soon, but I think I got an idea of this wound when I saw the only moment Carmy was alone with Donna on "Fishes."

I have a lot of things to say about Donna herself, but let's begin with the obvious: the conversation in this scene had little to do with the dinner itself. This was a woman stating that she felt alone and not valued, probably due to being abandoned by her husband and having to overwork herself at the beef to support her 3 kids, all while being a single mother. We don't know if this feeling of abandonment is something she has carried since childhood, but in the state of current womanhood, it wouldn't be uncommon. The work of women (especially mothers), particularly the emotional labor, is rather invisible and not valued at all.

But again, this is something she has used as fuel to resent her kids, who, at the end of the day, didn't ask to be here. Her anger has to go somewhere since she cannot direct it toward the people that ctually caused it. To get to the point:

THE BEARZATTO SYBLING DYNAMIC

Carmy said, "You are not alone; I am here with you." (This kind of comes back to telling Syd she was not alone at the end of the season.) This scene is about a kid trying to communicate to his mother that he loves her and trying desperately to connect with her, to get her to express her affection for him as well.

It tells me that growing up, he felt like he had to "earn" her affection. Donna likes to make her kids feel guilty about her unhappiness, so the kids feel that they are constantly walking on shells because they think their mother hates them, or at least that she resents them and that it is their responsibility to fix it.

In the scene, Carmy asked,

"What is so hard, Mom?"

I think what he was actually asking is, "What is so hard about being with us, to love us? What did we do to you that made you resent us this way?" He is asking because he wants to know, to finally understand. Why do you drink, Mom? Why do you yell? Why do you say such hurtful things?

When she answers, "Nobody makes things beautiful for me," you can see in his face the disconnection. He knows he can't do anything about that.

Then, a crucial part in the scene occurs when Donna calls him "Michael, " which indicates that the only one of her children who could make her feel happy was Michael, or at least that is how the other two kids felt. You can see the hurt in Carmy's eyes in the scene because this answer dismisses his effort to connect to his mother in his own right. She asks him to just leave. He offers to wait to connect with her. Then, it comes to the most chilling moment on the scene, the "we have a problem" using his full name, with resentment in every word. She hugs him while crying, kisses him, and then slaps him.

This is rejection. There is a book called "The Five Wounds of the Soul": wich are Rejection, Abandonment, Humiliation, Betrayal, and Injustice. I think Carmy's wound is rejection, for never earning his mother's love, particularly comparing himself to Michael.

Michael took responsibility for the Beef, finally giving their mom a break. It was Michael's job to make sure everyone was having a good time, to compensate for the discomfort that caused being in Donna's presence, to make sure all of them stayed as a family, which was Donna's intention, so Michael thought he had to make that happen for her. Therefore, Michael is the only one of her kids who succeeds and makes her happy. We know Donna rejects Natalie and Carmy. About Natalie, we can write another whole essay.

THE LIE THAT CARMY BELIVES

According to this scene, I think Carmy thinks that her mother didn't love him because he is not Michael; in fact, he is the most "not like Michael" someone could be. He was shy and stuttered and didn't have friends or girlfriends, comparable to Michael's ability to control every room he was in. Carmy was sensible and no macho alfa as Michael presented himself to be. Carmy left home and the family business, and both Michael and Donna expressed that they feel like he thinks he is better than them. Michael admitted later to admiring Carmy's work in Copenhagen, but Donna never did. carmy grew up having to live with the crumbles of Donna's attention that Michael left behind, wondering every day what was so wrong with him that made her reject him, and wondering what he could do to change that.

The lie that Carmy belives, could be sumarize this way:

I need to earn people's love. I need to always go the extra mile, doing the most possible at all times to earn people's love.

This all goes back to his trauma with Michael. It goes back to his career as a chef and how he became the best. He didn't need to succeed on a larger scale in the culinary industry to earn Michael's respect and love; he needed to be the best in the world, so he did that. He judges his own social abilities, comparing them to Miachae's. He left that promising career only because of Michae's death. He got the girlfriend Michael wanted for him (not saying it was the only reason, but it was there).

PART 2: WHAT DOES ALL OF THIS HAD TO DO WITH SYDNEY?

Well, what does a person who feels they always need to do the most? They do the most. I want to bring you back to the moments Carmy had to develop menu ideas with Syd on s1 and s2.

When Syd suggested items for the menu in s1, he gave her an inconclusive, not enthusiastic "maybe."

When she had to actually cook the thing for him to approve, he tried to make her feel small about it. He felt the need to remind her that she was "impatient and green," according to her previous bosses. He commented about her possibly ruining the flow by using time to cook her recipe. Yikes all around, but the core here is that he was treating her like an enemy, like competition, while she was trying to save the restaurant with what they had on hand to use the most efficient solution.

Then, when Carmy tries the dish and feels stunned by it, he has to make an ambiguous excuse on the fly and just finishes every chance of them using the recipe by saying, "is not ready yet"

And what does he do next? He goes to show the crew a recipe that is extremely complicated for the level they are operating at currently—they said so themselves. I think the recipe is a variation of Donna's butter chicken recipe. To put a nail on that coffin of his intentions to earn her love and approval at the end of it all.

But why does he do all this? Because he needs to be the hero, subconsciously, he is still that small kid begging for acceptance and love; he must go the extra mile. He cannot accept Sydney's help and partnership, because that will take away from him earning what he wants on his own merit.

In S2, he seems unenthusiastic about starting the menu in the first place. Then Claire comes along, and he tries to make it work with Syd and the menu, but I think he subconsciously thanks the universe for not having to go to his core wound. That is what self-sabotage is. That is why he bailed on the food tour with Syd, using such a stupid excuse as helping somebody else move out and never mentioning it again. He never asked her what she liked or what ideas she thought of. For most of the creative process, Syd is alone, working on her own creative crisis. The menu ends up being like two recipes they made in collaboration and then all of his family's traditional recipes. It is two of Syd's recipes and the rest of Carmy's. Then, desserts Marcus did on his own. The collaboration was superficial at best.

All of this creates the core theme of the show. The Bear was once a chaotic place (like their childhood home) that needs to evolve into an efficient, peaceful place built on love, support, and mutual collaboration like a functional family should be. Sydney is the member of this found family that forces Carmy to confront his core wound and learn he can actually be good enough while still accepting help. Therapy probably will play an important part in this theme, alongside with Carmy learning there was nothing wrong with him in the first place, that earning your parent's love is not something a kid can do.

Thankyou for reading. Gif and images are not mine.

[mortal-song]

the problem with tua's ending is that it was IMPOSSIBLE to do without retconning and defacing the themes and characterizations that have been central to the story since the very first episode. if you had to end it that way, if it really was "the plan all along," then fine. there ARE good ways to do that -- so the execution should have been much different here if that was the case. take a look at "the good place," for example. everyone ceased to exist at the end of that story as well, but it was beautifully done because it ADDED to the show's core themes rather than take away from them. tua's ending was hollow and unavailing. at some point i have to commend the precision with which someone can desecrate an entire series and certain characters (looking at five, diego and lila especially) like this.

it made no sense. diego and lila formed a beautiful (albeit chaotic) relationship built upon mutual trust and authentic love that neither of them had ever experienced before. it was something they were teaching each other and learning together. that was a new beginning to them, and it was painted as such by the narrative. at no point were there hints that things would go sideways, no build up. every time they stumbled in the past it was still right back into each other's arms. at no point did their chaos look like an ending until it was shoved in our faces for... shock value? to shake things up? i fail to understand where it came from. they were relentlessly devoted to each other and the only two people who could stand each other for long. and so what became of them was very jarring. very messy.

five's ENTIRE character has been focused on and motivated by one thing: saving the people he loves. to the point that he was willing to let his own humanity become a forgone ideal, a renounced concept, as many times as it took. to the point that he essentially INVENTED TIME TRAVEL and INVENTED THE COMMISSION TO REGULATE IT. five's stoic exterior only barely concealed the claw-grip he had on every single family member, so why forget it now? why choose to go back on that? and in what world would five hargreeves willingly wait MONTHS to return to his family? because he was SUDDENLY in love with lila, no less? forgetting the very apparent fact that his age and body are not in alignment, five had never shown any interest in romance. especially not towards lila. but they do have very similar backgrounds, and so this was a chance to enrich the mutual understanding five and lila have with each other, expand the familial connections they have, especially seeing as how both of them -- in their own ways -- spent most of their life without that sort of connection.

ben's entire arc felt so, so out of place. completely and very ironically isolated from the entire rest of the series. nothing about it was fulfilling, nothing about it offered any sense of closure or even development. jennifer made no sense even as a plot device, much less as her own character. these two brought out nothing in each other.

klaus had the foundations of a good arc, but too much was introduced in too small an amount of time and none of it really went anywhere. i can say roughly the same for allison and viktor. THAT being said, of most of the scenes i did find myself genuinely enjoying this season, THOSE three were usually at the center! in fact, i really did love the scenes with klaus, allison, and claire. so that's cool. i guess. luther? he was just kind of... there?

and ray just fucked off with no explanation? okay. and reginald? until this point he had all the qualities of a potentially VERY GOOD and nuanced villain. his arc fell flat. and let's not forget all the other loose ends, but, you know, we've been here long enough. so. onto the next point.

none of these characters got to heal. none of them ever got to revel in anything meaningful, or, rather, the things that WERE meaningful across the whole series were rendered worthless because... none of it exists anymore! none of it ever existed! this is like an "it was all a dream" ending but much worse. and these characters are so, so incredible. i can only name a few other stories that have had characters i've connected to this deeply. and despite everything i could never really stop loving them. that makes it hurt more though tbh

anyways. i know i'm about to sound incredibly dramatic but the ending made me sob my lungs out. this show was really important to me. it led me to incredible people, other incredible stories, helped me live, etc. but i honestly found myself wishing i'd just never watched this series at all. the ending was eviscerating and Just Fucking Pointless. i don't think i'm ever going to be able to rewatch it. it's still hard for me to conceptualize that it was even real, that this is all we get. there's a lot more i could say about everything, but again, i've said a lot already and i'm not trying to write a fucking novel. i'll say more of what i want to in sporadic bursts i guess.

[captainmera]

i never realised just how much tgb had changed how i thought about the characters (mostly vee) until yesterday when i was re-looking over my toh fan-art. You wrote them so well that i forgot that it wasnt all in the show. like how vee and gus weren't shown to being best friends, vee never got to be angry/shocked by hunter or just willow still holding a little grudge against amity. They are just cool details and im so clad they were added! ps your great

Thank you! Wow that's very flattering! I'm glad you are enjoying it!

I really like Vee, and the more I think about the gang's time in the human-realm, the more I sit back in my chair and think "Ah man, these arcs are really necessary and interesting though.."

Vee also holds a lot of plot, as a basilisk. We can speculate what the reason is that they were extinct, for example (grimwalkers were extinct too).

Wat I really enjoy about TOH's characters are how easily and smoothly they weave into each other's themes and arcs. Their personalities and histories makes them all perfect friends to both build them up and break them down. It's a chefs kiss.

Vee is no different! The set-up for her character was perfectly slotted in to what the other characters needed for their time in the human-realm. And the theme I think the human-realm was supposed to embody.

The demon-realm arc for Luz was a hero's journey, but because of the foil of the trope, and that the point was that: there is no hero/chosen one actually, and the rebels didn't make it in time like in the books, and just because it's a different realm it didn't mean Luz could escape - escapism is temporary.

Dana has said grief and hope are core elements of the story, and she chose to tell it through a foiled trope of being chosen/hero's journey, layered with a religious trauma lens.

To me, looking at Luz as the main character, means looking at her as a nerdy girl in need of escapism, wanting to find purpose, and avoiding her emotions about her dad's passing.

The return to human-realm would be, for Luz, a turning point where TOH turns from being about a hero's journey and a journey about the steps of grief and healing - at the end of it, she will find the light.

Vee, to me, is kind of like a new take on the guide character. She is not a guide, in the sense that she has all the answers, but rather all the truths.

She was right when she told Luz she had everything and still chose to run away. They're not the same. Vee is also a lot better than Luz at being normal and fitting in, something Luz has been playing off and avoiding facing. Luz sees herself as being different as a bad thing, she tried to run away to a place where "weird" was normal and that didn't work out. Now she's back home and feels that it's all her fault bad things happened, because she is herself. And the person she is is different. And different didn't mean special, just different. Of course she's depressed.

The same is true for all the other characters. Vee gets to reflect their truths too, simply by being crafted, narratively, into being the guide.

Hunter gets to face his actions as the GG, come to terms with the nuances of his bad actions, whatever reason he committed what he did. Find forgiveness not just from Vee but himself too. He gets to start over, just like her. She shows him it's possible.

Gus gets someone to share his dream with, his love and enthusiasm for the human realm. A place that Vee feels is more home than where she came from. Gus gets to grow as a person, both morally and intelligently. As does Vee, she gets somebody who shows her that she doesn't just have to be a refugee, she can have a purpose here. She can be an ambassador.

Willow was set up to have an arc where she mistook her newfound magical and physical strengths (she is working out a lot in canon after she changed track), for inner strengths. Willow is a sensitive girl, and a bit of a berserk (I mean she was willing to burn her own mind just to hurt Amity). Willow having to face Vee, who isn't physically stronger than her but is significantly further down the road of being internally strong, is something Willow can learn from. Perhaps even have conflict with! (but more so a conflict with herself than with Vee, really.)

With Amity, Vee has a simpler role. I think to Amity it's more so showing that it's possible to live in the human realm, and giving her hope that going back and forth is a future for everyone who wishes to do so. Creatively speaking, I think Amity and Vee more so to bounce off one another for the plot, rather than character growth or decline.

Camila, I think, is the most interesting. Because she has now spent approximately a year with Vee, half of it thinking she was Luz and having feelings about her daughter having changed so much, the line "I'm glad youre still creative" comes to mind. As well as the terror of losing Luz again. But also, because she has had her own unseen arc and development with Vee, and them having bonded into a foster family that we never got to see glimpses of, it goes without saying that Camila has already done the internal work to take on more kids if that's necessary. I think she saw these kids by her door and thought "yep. They're mine now too." Vee, I think, is interesting to toss into the family dynamic between Luz and Camila, who seemingly are misunderstanding one another significantly. Vee sees them both, and can be a voice of reason when it comes to it. Or if it would come to it.

ANYWAY MY RANTS ARE LONG. IM DONE. THANKS FOR READING.

[twig-tea]

Spoiler-free Pitch for Oppan (Ossan no pantsu ga nandatte ii janai ka)

Thanks to @isaksbestpillow generously creating subtitles for this show we have access to arguably the best family drama of the year, and what has become one of my favourite series of all time.

The premise is essentially: Makoto, a 'traditional' family man in his 50s who feels alienated from his wife and two kids, decides to learn to 'update' his beliefs with the help of a young gay man who befriends him.

There are so many pitfalls and ways this premise could go wrong, and the show falls into none of them. Daichi, the gay character that befriends Makoto, has a boyfriend, and they both have their own arcs. The friendship is two-way, and they both benefit from the relationship. Makoto's wife, son, and daughter all also have arcs, and we get to understand and love all of these characters. Nobody is in this show exclusively as a foil for Makoto; everyone gets to be their own person. The show is careful to not only show multiple experiences of gay characters, but also to chastise people in the show for making assumptions, as those can be hurtful, even when well-intentioned. And yes, while it isn't the focus of the show, we do get to see some of Daichi and Madoka's romance.

This show is so well-written, each episode is satisfying and builds on the previous one. The journey to improvement is not a straight line but a spiral, and Oppan depicts that so well. The mistakes Makoto makes are believable and realistic. And the way Makoto's relationships improve in every aspect of his life as he works on himself is gradual, realistically depicted, and so, so satisfying to watch. Trust is earned, and we see him slowly earn trust over time as he changes his behaviour. We also see the damage his past behaviour has wrought, and see him reconcile himself to that.

One of the best things this show does is viscerally illustrate how harmful upholding societal stigma and judgment is to those you love, and to yourself. Makoto's toxic masculinity, homophobia, amatonormativity, and judgment of anything he deems as "silly" or "abmnormal" hold his family back from connecting with him, and hold himself back from experiencing joy. Themes include (but are not limited to) sexuality, gender presentation, idol fandom, BL fandom, makeup, fashion, and workplace culture. And it isn't just familial relationships this show cares about; it touches on friendships, romantic, sibling, parental, and coworker relationships.

The lesson at the core of Makoto's journey is that genuine connection with others is how we heal and find joy, and that we can only have that genuine connection if we're able to make space for others to be themselves in our presence through kindness. And it's that core that makes this show so powerful, and made me cry (with happiness, catharsis, and relief) so many times. I genuinely feel like it healed something in me to watch this show.

Even putting all of that aside, this show is funny, and genuinely satisfying as a story arc. There's Carlos, the family dog who always seems to know what's going on and nudges Makoto when he needs it. Makoto's actor, Harada Taizo, makes some incredible faces. There are hilarious cut-aways mid-scene, usually when someone is getting too intense with their fansquee. The family dynamic, especially the sibling behaviour between Moe and Kakeru, is so hilariously familiar. It's not a chore to watch this show; it manages to be kind and healing and also fun.

Anyway. If that's not enough of a pitch for you, I've written about all of the 11 episodes individually, including outlining where and how each made me cry: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 . And I'm not the only one; if you want more company while watching, @bengiyo, @lurkingshan @mikuni14 and @mynamisnotthepoint wrote a bunch about this show too mostly broken out by episode.

And to relive the magic, @avorbl, @theside-b and @my-rose-tinted-glasses created some gorgeous gifs!

Siiri has instructions on her blog, but if you need help watching this show, feel free to DM me or send an ask.

[hexedwinchester]

Early seasons of SPN are superior

so I'm re-watching Supernatural (I'm always re-watching SPN, don't mind me) and I realised why the early seasons are so freakin good whereas the laters ones are a complete mess...

Horror was the core theme of Supernatural (yes, I'm not discarding the brothers' drama, I'll get to it in a minute). These beautiful scare tactics that they employed were amazing: the crib mobile toy rotating, shadows moving out of the corner of the eyes, toys going off, subtle bloody Mary reflections in the mirror, creepy skulls dug from the ground, the ghosts flickering. Hell yea they nailed 'Scary just got sexy' with these.

Don't get me started on the background music. Whimsical music crescendo, building up the anticipation. The rock music blaring through the Impala. What happened to the cool ass music in the later seasons? They just played this weird, sad tune like someone's blowing raspberries to show grief and that's it!

Monster of the week theme and the lores/legends in early seasons were much, much better than S12's Foundry or the later season episode with bizarre tentacle porn thingy (you know which one I'm talking about). It just didn't feel the same. The stories were poorly written and even more poorly executed.

Early seasons used to be purely about Sam and Dean (as it should have been throughout) Them against the world, heaven and hell. No dumbass angel lurking in the background like a pathetic third wheel. No king of hell bitching about his sad childhood for two whole seasons. No Soccer mom half assing their way into hunting.

Foreshadowing was done so beautifully! Everytime I re-watch the early seasons I find a few bits that connects to something that happened initially in say S1-2. The parallels are done beautifully and writing is good, and I mean 'I wanna use this quote as a wallpaper' good.

The struggle for the boys was real. They had to do their own research, save their own asses, stitch their wounds, pop their dislocated shoulders back in the place. Later seasons? Bunker has answer to everything, angel healing wounds with a flash of light, Lucifer bringing Sam back from the dead without asking for anything (and no, taking him to Jack is not a good enough bargain), Jack healing wounds or whatever. Where is the damn struggle?! Where is the hero's journey?!

I miss the beautiful, colourful motel rooms that had its own personality. I HATE the bunker (yes I know a lot of people love it because Dean has a good shower, they have a home etc, etc) but no! Bunker is lame and boring and monotonous. There isn't a single thing I like about it. Gimme back my motel rooms with the sunburst mirror!

Story arc or lack thereof from S12 onwards. The main plot just got duller and duller from S12 onward and it felt like the writers got lazy and stopped putting efforts. There was no build up and the plot felt forced. The main arcs didn't feel exciting enough. BMoL and Kelly's pregnancy: the who and why? Jack: predictable. Other Micheal and Micheal Dean: meh, next! God as the big bad: interesting but I don't think they have it in them to execute this correctly.

Irrelevant/Unnecessary characters and their mini plots. S1-5 focuses purely on the brothers and that's what I'm here. I don't care how and why an idiot angel opened purgatory. It sounded more like a dull spin off plot than main story arc. I don't care about prophets and their lives (yeah Kevin is in Advance Placement, what am I to do with that?). I don't care about the different angel garrisons at war (again a plot for a lame spin off). I don't care about Crowley, his son or his relationship with Rowena. Tell me how this affects the boys. If it doesn't, please let's move on. Whatever was going on with Cole Trenton was pointless. I don't care about Mary and her hunting escapades with BMoL. I don't care about Kelly's pregnancy. The multi-universe and all characters they vomited back in the show with this. Not needed! Let Charlie, Gabriel and Bobby's memory rest in peace. Nick's killer storyline and wayward sisters. Enough said. Empty and the deal with Cas and Meg 2.0? Boring! Billy playing the bad cop, the whole death's library? Poorly executed and it turned into a bowl of cold spaghetti. In the end, the focus moved from the boys to useless characters and mini plots. Fuck that! Supernatural is about Sam and Dean and that's about it.

The direction. Later seasons lack the beauty of scenic shots of the landscape, close on up the boys' faces, the lights hitting their faces to show their beauty. Camera angles and slow panning shots. I miss the beauty that were the early seasons.

[vinelark]

ALL timkon recs I BEG

hello hi! here are some of my favs! it got long so putting some under the cut

💄 Lipstick on the glass by @cairoscene read for timkon being soft and goofy and disgustingly in love, set in vague future college-y years with amazing core four dynamics too. cair is one of the funniest people to ever exist and we are so blessed that they decided to write some timkon. (also read for my own greatest contribution to literature, the fictional “jerry the void nexus” meme)

🎢 been a number and a name by @wynterstars i had SO MUCH FUN reading this one, a 90s comics-divergent AU where robin and superboy become friends—and crushes—when superboy is pretty new on the scene. feat. lex luthor being terrible, tim staging a rescue operation that at one point involves platform shoes and a blonde wig, spice girls references, and fantastic action sequences. it’s also a series, with an installment focusing on kon & clark, and a currently updating longfic sequel with SO MANY timkon identity shenanigans (my beloved) and kon feelings (also my beloved).

📸 the surveillance series by @smilebackwards i feel like i rec this all the time but it’s because it’s THAT GOOD. a tim-centric AU where tim joins the family late, but is still involved in bat business without the bats realizing. there’s some fun timkon identity shenanigans at the top, and some of my all-time favorite tim characterization (ruthless! lonely! brilliant!) plus a great tim & bruce arc, too.

🦉 Detours by miyaji_08 this is part 2 of a series and i def recommend reading the whole thing! a reverse robins + joker jr au that has lots of trauma and lots of healing, and in part 2 there’s timkon identity shenanigans that’s simultaneously enemies to lovers + And They Were Roommates. tim sure does run a gauntlet of horrors in this series, but it has so much healing and also one of my fav reverse robins concepts i’ve read so far.

📱 unfurl by @burins tim and kon might be dating, and there’s no kryptonian sex ed handy. bruce, being bruce, makes it his business, which means talking to clark and Realizing some things about his own feelings. superbat are billed first here, but i think timkon steal the show—i laughed out loud like five different times reading this. hilarious and sweet on all sides. (and if you like this, check out their timkon road trip fic!)

🌾 A Saturday Evening by malcyon in which tim visits the kent farm for family dinner with kon, feat. very sweet established relationship timkon and fun superfamily dynamics, and it touches on tim’s past grief over kon’s death (and complicated feelings post-undeath).

🤼‍♂️ Sore Loser by @hearteyeshayley kon learns that tim always let him win while sparring, and has to process that. this was such a fun exploration of tim’s prowess as a fighter—one who regularly has to go up against superpowered friends and foes alike—and also tim as a person who is always doing mental calculations about the people around him (in an endearing way). kon, too, got his time to shine and grow, and the ending was so smart and sweet.

🔮 Ascension by Violet_Witch an AU longfic where tim is a witchling and kon is a fallen angel who has (oops) just lost his wings. tim sets out to help get kon’s wings back, and there’s a ticking clock because angel wings are dangerous in the wrong hands—and tim has a big, horrible secret that’s about to come due. the plot/worldbuilding of this was WILDLY cool, and there was a big ol misunderstanding in the middle that had me clawing my face off (in a good way).

🌌 straight on ’til morning by merils kon vs. the terrifying ordeal of growing up, feat. sweet friends-to-lovers timkon and really thoughtful exploration of some of kon’s canon past relationships and their abusive dynamics. i haven’t finished this one yet but it’s been rec’d multiple times and i’m excited to dive back in (and it's recently complete!)—and what i have read so far gave me an amazing sequence of kon and dick interacting and dick’s big brother mode activating in an instant, which is something i now desperately need more of.

📧 aaaand would it even be a reclist by me if i didn’t include send to all by @cairoscene the absolute moment i find myself feeling down i go reread this and boom. i am instantly laughing again. timkon are just one part of a bat grab-bag here but they are so so funny and cute and in-character. maybe one day i’ll compile the timkon-centric sequel that exists in my head but for now i’ll just go reread this for the zillionth time.

okay yeah!! i’m probably missing so many good fics here because i constantly have like a zillion tabs open that i plan to read someday. also i reserve the right to reblog later like OH I FORGOT— but in the meanwhile, happy timkon reading!

[cantareincminor]

SxF Chapter 102 -- Love and War

As personally tragic as the current Spy x Family manga arc is, I feel it's one of the most powerful yet. To me, it's on par with Twilight's backstory, maybe even surpassing it. It encases the themes of the senselessness of war and blind hatred of the "other" within a tale of star-crossed lovers whom the audience has come to care about as secondary characters. It carries subtle foreboding for our main characters, Twilight and Yor, though it's never directly stated. I hold out hope that at some point in a future chapter, Twilight or Yor will have a life-changing conversation with one of these wise elderly mentor figures, when one of them is at a personal low point and has to decide whether their (hopefully almost real by then) marriage is worth fighting for.

That is good storytelling. Richly layered like a Lady M cake.

One of the messages that struck me was the non-love triangle between Martha, Henry, and Lucia. It could have easily become a love triangle in another author's hands, or in a different genre. Or in a fanfic written by Becky Blackbell, lol. The panels of Martha's heart and dreams shattering into pieces after meeting Lucia were utterly devastating. It was her lowest point.

But she didn't stay there. She didn't seek revenge or to be a homewrecker (that's a no-no, young miss), she didn't fall into bitterness and break off all ties with Henry and Lucia, she didn't stop living her life. She danced ballet again even though her injuries from the war hindered her. She danced in tears, with a broken heart, but she still danced. And she danced with Henry and Lucia as her staunchest supporters in the audience. She didn't push their kindness away or close herself off from them.

The panels below moved me so much. The detail is small, but Lucia is crying. Tears of joy are falling down her face as she watches Martha dance on the stage.

Lucia came from a privileged family, one of the so-called "elites" that Becky quite hilariously disparages, but they were a family that sought to rebuild the country and heal people from the war. And that healing starts with individuals like Martha. Lucia had to have figured out at some point, whether directly or indirectly from Henry or Martha, that the two of them had a history together. That if not for the war, Henry very well may have become Martha's husband instead. Lucia might even have felt sad or guilty for being "that woman," an interloper between star-crossed lovers. She too had the chance to push Martha away or distance herself from her husband's past so as to feel more secure about herself. But she didn't do that. She embraced Martha with open arms and supported her dreams. She loved her as a friend, so deeply that she cried at her ballet performance. Martha loved her so deeply in return that even 15 years after her death, she continues to bring flowers to her grave. Not even Henry brought flowers in the end panels of this chapter.

This is the kind of love that heals nations after a devastating war. Even though the three people in this scenario are all Ostanians, this is still the same kind of love with the power to heal the deepest wounds. What wound can be deeper than losing the love of your life to someone else? And yet all three of them make the best of the situation and find the courage to reach out to each other instead of turning away, lashing out, or living in denial or unresolved bitterness.

Endo is showing us through the heartbreaking, heartwarming stories of these individual characters what the path to prevent the next war is. To be wounded by others and have our hearts broken, whether romantically or through betrayal by friends and family or through the callous actions of the ruling class, is an unavoidable part of life. But how we choose to react to that hurt makes all the difference.

This is why I made forgiveness and reconciliation the core theme of my fic Orpheus. To me, it remains the most powerful theme of all in storytelling, because it is the hardest thing for a human soul to do. It takes incredible courage, and it requires metaphorical death. To die to oneself, as Christ says, to take up the cross, the instrument of your own execution, and to pay the cost of someone else's wrongdoing even if you had no part in it. The alternative is to make the other person pay---which feeds the cycle of violence and retribution, at the most extreme on a national level---or to bury it deep inside and cut yourself off from a chance at real human relationships. All relationships involve risk. The deeper the relationship, the greater the risk.

I am so grateful for this magnificent arc in the manga. I can't wait to see what Endo has in store for us next, and how he will tie in the broader story of our main cast into the lessons from Martha and Henry's love. Because it's still love, even if they never acted on it romantically. Given their circumstances, it's an even purer love for the fact that they didn't.

[wangxianficfinder]

In the mood for...

Apr 9th

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1. ITMF fics with (a) good and well-developed original characters! i really enjoyed "I told you when I came I was a stranger" and would really love to read more like these. also looking for (b) fics where wwx is brought back in an OC's body, where their identity matters to the plot (eg politically), like "The Housewife’s Guide to Causing Chaos" (wwx brought back as a yu) & "Everyanything" (wwx brought back as qin su).

would still like wangxian to be tgt, & complete/actively ongoing fics only please. thank you!!!!! @potatokunst

1B)

There's the wwx resurected in other people's bodies comp, but more specifically,

❤️ Beauty and the Boot by PTchan (T, 44k, wangxian, summoned by f!oc, Canon Divergence, Romantic Comedy, Genderbending, Denial, Fem!WWX, WangXian kids, Crack-ish, WIP) would probably fit

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2. Hey there! For the next itmf:

I want fics where wwx is in love with lwj, and he knows it too. So I don’t care if its time travel or anything like that, I just wanna see wwx treating lwj good/like a spouse while being aware that he’s doing it.

And even greater would be, if lwj was very much confused/ in gay panic mode/ horny for it .

Thank you :3 @desperation-is-my-middle-name

two guys r in love thats literally it by victortor (M, 11k, wangxian, Time Travel, the fluffiest thing ive ever written)

When the Words Stop Coming by mrcformoso (T, 7k, WangXian, Canon Compliant, POV WWX, POV LWJ, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Pre-Sunshot Campaign, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Canonical Character Death, Love Confessions, Rejection, LWJ is a Panicked Gay, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Trauma, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Angst with a Happy Ending, Sad with a Happy Ending) more of an angst take honestly but it fits the prompt?

And Time Is But a Paper Moon by sami (M, 139k, WangXian, XiChengQing, Time Travel, Fix-It, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Healing, Mental Health Issues, PTSD, Hurt/Comfort, Depression, BAMF WWX, BAMF JC, BAMF LWJ, BAMF JYL, Getting Together)

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3. Hi! For ITMF, can you suggest fics where it picks up soon after the novel ends and explores wangxian’s relationship and how it develops?

Or just fics where wwx learns to take up space/ adjust to gusu and in lwj’s heart?

Thank you for your help, always!

And Yet Here You Are by cosmicmilktea (T, 10k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Domestic Fluff, Cloud Recesses, settling down, Separation Anxiety, Teacher WWX, very light angst, Chief Cultivator LWJ)

call me home and I'll build you a throne by anaphoricae (E, 51k, wangxian, Post-Canon, Canon Compliant, Cloud Recesses, Getting Together, Developing Relationship, Self-Indulgent, Gusu Lan Juniors Dynamics, Touch-Starved, Non-Sexual Intimacy... and then Sexual Intimacy, Lán Juniors Gossiping about Wangxian, as a treat, Nightmares, Hurt/Comfort, little hurt lots of comfort, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, WWX Has a New Golden Core, Farmer WWX, Chief Cultivator LWJ, iMutual Pining, Communication, Quietly Falling Into a Married Life, Light Angst, Wholesome, POV LWJ, POV WWX, LWJ in braids agenda, Sharing a Bed, WWX's Birthday, Semi-Public Sex, Cold Springs, Inventor WWX, Jealous WWX, turkish translation)

I hope that you will come and meet me by feyburner (M, 28k, wangxian, Post-Canon, Getting Together, Love Letters, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, Literal Sleeping Together, Intimacy, CQL Compliant, No Plot Just Feelings, First Time, Two soulmates figuring their shit out, Let Hanguang-jun talk about his feelings agenda, Podfic Available)

my age has never made me wise by idrilka (E, 63k, wangxian, Post-Canon, Part-epistolary, Mutual Pining, Getting Together, Marriage Proposal, Homecoming, One Brain Cell WWX Strikes Again)

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4. hello! for itmf any fics with wei wuxian and mo xuanyu? smth like i'll take a secondhand monster by stratisphyre

tysm<3 @r3n-vy

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5. Hi! Hope u r having a great day!

Do you know any good wangxian fics where LWJ leaving cloud recesses along with A-yuan and raise him on his own? You know, before WWX's return? I remember reading one where LWJ competely fell off the radar once. Sadly, i can't recall the name. Pretty please @grrumpywoof

❤️ And Miles To Go Before I Sleep by Glitterbombshell (T, 23k, WIP, WangXian, Heavy Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, LXC is not really a good brother in this sorry, Canon Divergence, rogue cultivator!lwj) It's a WIP that hasn't updated since 2020, but there's this

Home isn't Where the Heart is. by Hauntcats (Not rated, 7k, wangxian) Jingyi comes along too here

The Best I Can by Zephyr (ZephyrAndTheSilverfish) (T, 26k, LJY & WWX, wangxian, WWX talking to his donkey, Canon Divergence, Light Angst, Drama, Recovery, Coming of Age, Secret Identity Fail, Friendship, Rogue Cultivator LWJ, Road Trips, POV Multiple, Happy Ending)

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6. Hi!!! Thank you, you are all amazing and this place is magnificent!! Well, In the mood for... A) Fics were Wei Wuxian raised or helped raised the Juniors, all of them, modern if possible, I just finished The Edge of Night by Hobbsy3 and the relationship with the kids is so amazing, even if is not the central theme also B) Zombie themes fics, similar to the previous one, modern to if posible with happy ending!! Thank you so much for everything!! Be well :) @monicaop21

6A)

🔒 and having a marvelous time by varnes (E, 108k, WangXian, Yúnmèng Siblings, Sound of Music AU, (i know!!! i know. stay with me on this.), Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Family Feels, spies to lovers???, Protective Siblings, Sometimes You Just Want Your Dads To Admit They're Your Dads, Angst with a Happy Ending, podfic of and having a marvellous time by varnes by Spinifex) not modern but WWX raises all the kids

6B)

Darkness Before the Dawn by Selenay (E, 64k, wangxian, Zombie Apocalypse, Modern With Magic, Necromancer WWX, Reunions, toddler A-Yuan, There Was Only One Bed, There are zombies but not graphically horrific zombies, Angst with a Happy Ending, Find a home in the middle of an apocalpyse)

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7. Academic rivals wangxian? :<

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8. For the next itmf! I wonder if there are any fics where the lan and nie bros are really close and then wwx gets added into the mix, and there are shenanigans! Things like the lan/nie bros having a problem that only wwx can solve, or the bros discover how wwx's been treated by other people and get super protective. I just read With This Shadowed Blade and discovered that I very badly want to read more of this dynamic! Thank you all!

Come Around and Stay by trippednfell (M, 160k, wangxian, modern, slow burn, kid fic, found family, it gets worse before it gets better, PTSD, blood and injury, dissociation, trauma, angst w happy ending, musicals, alternating pov, JC & WWX reconciliation, hurt/comfort, panic attacks) 

Debts of a Child Part 2 by Hauntcats (M, 111k, WangXian, YZY Bashing, Not Jiang Family Friendly, Angst and Feels, lots of anger, JC Bashing, not Jiang friendly, Angst with a Happy Ending, Content warning for icky spiders in later chapters.)

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9. Pls pls next itmf secret relationship wangxian? Bonus points if it’s CRA but modern au or post canon or whatever is great too I just need it (I have read a few where their families don’t believe they’re dating but I want them hiding it)

Silenced With A Kiss by NinjaKK (E, 132k, WIP, WangXian, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Flirting, Teen Romance, Cloud Recesses Shenanigans, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Soft WangXian, WWX in WWX’s Body, Secret Relationship, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Dates, Inventor WWX, Genius WWX, Canon Divergence, Protective LWJ, Protective WWX, Ripple Effect, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Optional Smut, Supportive LWJ, BAMF WWX, Inappropriate Use of Gūsū Lán Forehead Ribbon, Has an Angry LWJ Kink, Drunk LWJ, Gusu Lan Alcohol Tolerance, No Golden Core Transfer, WWX Leaves the Yunmeng Jiang Sect)

A Guide on How to (not) Have a Secret Relationship by Grapesey (YumGrapeJuice) (T, 6k, wangxian, Established Relationship, Secret Relationship, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Boys Kissing, they are horribly in love, WWX is a Little Shit, LWJ is So Whipped, WWX is obsessed with LWJ's hair, JC is So Done)

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10. For the next itmf could I see if we could find any fics where mo xuanyu is adopted by wangxian. I’ll take both modern au and canon type fics

a thousand fragile and unprovable things by theLoyalRoyalGuard (G, 5k, WangXian, Modern AU, Trans Male Character, Trans MXY, MXY Deserves Happiness, Best Dads Wangxian, Handwaving The Legal System With The Power of LWJ, A little bit of angst, mostly soft, Happy Ending, Gender Happiness, Let LWJ Wear Skirts Agenda, Additional Warnings In Author’s Note)

silk linked together by theLoyalRoyalGuard (G, 6k, LWJ & MXY, Wangxian, Modern, Autistic LWJ, Cellist LWJ, LWJ, Runs A Rabbit Rescue, MXY Deserves Happiness, Fluff) which ends w/ both wangxian relationship and Mo Xuanyu adoption in process.

🔒 and having a marvelous time by varnes (E, 108k, WangXian, Yúnmèng Siblings, Sound of Music AU, (i know!!! i know. stay with me on this.), Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Family Feels, spies to lovers???, Protective Siblings, Sometimes You Just Want Your Dads To Admit They're Your Dads, Angst with a Happy Ending, podfic of and having a marvellous time by varnes by Spinifex) (link in #6A)

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11. Hello! ITMF current wips? For the last few months Truth Will Out has been super fun to keep up with, but now it is complete I would love to find other wips to follow! Any genre (canon, au, or modern) and any topic/plot! Preferably something that updates with relative frequency, like weekly or every other week. Thank you so much!

No Matter What You Are by LilyFaraday (M, 209k, wangxian, WIP, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Female WWX, MXY is a girl in this one and WWX has to deal with it, Genderbending, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, A lot of comedy coming from WWX dealing with being a girl, and also using it to his advantage, Marriage of Convenience, Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy, no miscarriage)

A Matter of Time series by mrcformoso (E, 84k, wangxian, time travel fix-it, graphic depictions of violence, underage, LWJ pov, JC pov, dark LWJ, manipulation, grooming, teen body adult mind for LWJ, happy ending for wangxian, problematic consensual underage sex, blood & violence, insane LWJ, manic LWJ) My current MDZS WIP is the A Matter of Time Series, it's currently on worlbuilding extras before the actual sequel. It's update about monthly but considering the amount of thought and worldbuilding and the size of this series I think that's pretty fast hahaha make sure to read the warnings first!

once upon a time, 很久很久以前 by gentil-minou (Flyingsuits) (M, 69k, wangxian, LSZ & WWX, LSZ & LWJ, WIP, Modern, Canon Divergence, Transmigration, of the townwide variety, Amnesia, of the nearly everyone variety, Mystery, of the shenanigans variety, Not Everyone Dies AU, WWX Has Self-Esteem Issues, WWX is sad and down bad, Single Parent LWJ, except a-yuan runs away to find his other dad, Fluff and Angst, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Minor Character Death, Angst with a Happy Ending, Once Upon a Time Fusion, Curses, part of the fun is figuring out how to make these characters as miserable as possible :) ) may i offer up my wip? Updates arent thay frequent cause each chap is over 15k but im hoping to post the next chap this month!

🔒 The Second Hand Unwinds by trulywicked (E, 51k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, WIP, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Time Travel Fix-It, Not JC Friendly, Not Yunmeng Jiang Sect Friendly, Not Jiāng Family Friendly, Not YZY Friendly, Time Travelling LWJ, Protective LWJ, Fluff, Minor Angst, Minor Character Death, JGS is his own warning, Wooing, LWJ is romantic af, Inventor WWX, Genius WWX, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Protective Gusu Lan Sect, Supportive LXC, Good Uncle LQR, WWX Protection Squad)

A-Yuan's Big Adventure by KatanaHatake (G, 13k, wangxian, WIP, Time Travel, transmigrator LSZ, Found Family, Canon Divergence, Parents LWJ & WWX, People believing WWX birthed A-Yuan, Eventual Happy Ending, Accidental Baby Acquisition)

We Meet at the Thousandth Step by Admiranda, Rynne (T, 273k, wangxian, CSSR/WCZ, WIP, Canon Divergence, No Sunshot Campaign, CSSR & WCZ Live, Rogue Cultivator WWX, Different First Meeting, Night Hunts, Genius WWX, Inventor WWX, Romance, Drama, Fluff, Strangers to married, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Everyone Lives AU, Developing Relationship, Minor Violence, Case Fic, Mystery, Flirting, WWX's Canon-Typical Flower Flirting, Arson, There Was Only One Bed, Getting Together, First Kiss, Meeting the Parents, Resolved Sexual Tension, Resolved Romantic Tension, WWX Is a Good Big Brother, New Relationship Bliss, Chinese Mythology & Folklore, Blood and Injury, Yiling siblings)

🧡 The Shade of Old Trees by Kryal (T, 266k, WIP, WangXian, Ridiculously Long Notes, History, Canon Divergence, Modern AU, Slow Burn, Worldbuilding, Slow Life, Action/Adventure, Magic Returns, BAMF WWX)

At heart by apathyinreverie (M, 28k, wangxian, WIP, Dark LWJ(Ish), Amnesia, WWX gets to be Not Okay after the BM, Hurt WWX, Recovery, Caring, Protective LWJ, Possessive LWJ, some definite manipulation, but not everything is as it seems, not nearly as dark as the tags make it sound, Canon Divergence, Golden Core Reveal, Golden Core Transfer Fix-It, kind of, Domestic WangXian, Fluff, WWX Goes to Gusu, Possessive WWX, WWX happily atticwifing away, Sunshot Campaign, BAMF WWX, BAMF LWJ)

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12. Itmf for qiongqi path divergence 🖤

The Fire Lapping Up the Creek by notevenyou (E, 66k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, Injury, Injury Recovery, Blood, Respiratory Illness, Major Illness, Fever, Grief/Mourning, Burial Mounds, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Hunger and food scarcity, Surgery, Fix-It of Sorts)

when you're doing all the leaving (then it's never your love lost) by tardigradeschool (T, 23k, wangxian, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Sharing a Bed, Sharing Clothes, Fix-It, the inherent eroticism of under robes, Golden Core Transfer, LWJ finds out about wwx's missing core and says i have plenty to go around)

the cycle of regret by KouriArashi (T, 14k, WangXian, Groundhog Day, Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending)

in this place where we don’t have a prayer by Cerusee, Mikkeneko (T, 42k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, WWX dies at Qiongqi path, Demonic Cultivation)

Home and the Heartland by Witch_Nova221 (T, 210k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, LWJ Stays at the Burial Mounds, Slow Romance, Romance, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Found Family, Fix-It, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Self-Discovery, Golden Core Reveal)

isn't there a Qiongqi Path canon divergence comp?

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13. itmf fics with Lan Wangji laughing/smiling/giggling etc. The bts of The Untamed with Wang Yibo laughing his ass off are killing me and i need LWG just being happy and laughing now

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14. An ITMF ask: I am looking for fic where WangXian's marriage is being arranged but one or both of them simply don't know about it until late in the game -not just "everyone knows but them" but literally they are being measured for wedding outfits and are clueless. Pining a plus! HEA pls! <3 @kimboo-york

Searching for a Heart by vesna (mrsronweasley) (E, 21k, WangXian, Modern AU, married at first sight au, this is basically modern arranged marriage, Getting Together, Reality TV AU)

Lead Me On Through by vesna (mrsronweasley) (E, 54k, wangxian, Alternate Universe, Arranged Marriage, Practice Kissing, practice other things, horny boys in love, questionable logic, Questionable Choices, they're dumb but cute, but dumb, but really cute, slight knives, Happy Ending)

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15. itmf modern au inventor wwx, similar to kizukatana's Truth Will Out? thank you for all that u do 💗

💖 One Can Keep A Secret (If He Does Not Know It’s There)by H_Belle (T, 5k, wangxian, NHS & WWX, modern w/ cultivation, inventor WWX, secret identity, identity reveal, YLLZ WWX, rogue cultivator WWX, pining LWJ, WWX pov)

There's An App For Everything by Sweetlittlevampire (G, 4k, wangxian, Modern Cultivation, Rivals to Lovers, Friends To Lovers, Competition, Demon fighting, Getting Together, Love Confessions, First Kiss, Night Hunts, Wangxian x Caves is the real ship here, Happy Ending, Humour)

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16. hi hi! could you recomend any fics where Lan Yuan grows up in Lotus Pier? thank you <3 @nyxiblue

What Remains After the War by Swan_Song (T, 41k, JC & LSZ, JC & JL, JL & LSZ, JL & LJY & OYZZ & LSZ, JC & WWX, WIP, Canon Divergence, LSZ is a Jiang, Good Uncle JC, Cousins JL & LSZ, JC Needs a Hug, JC Needs Therapy, The juniors solve a mystery, Junior Ensemble Shenanigans, Good Uncle LQR, he tries his best, LSZ Needs a Hug)

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17. ITMF any fics where other characters preferably Jin zixuan has an unrequited/one sided crush on Wei Ying. Could be any setting preferably Canon/Canon divergence or with some sort of cultivation and wangxian end game. Gimme all you have please @linossock

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If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

[surrealisticcereal]

i think apollo will stay changed after becoming human

first time making something like this. so uh, yeah, kinda sorta analysis after the cut and a lot of this is based off of this analysis and also the toa discord. yeah. let's get this started

i think that apollo will stay "human" even after regaining godhood because that's the point. it's a story about growth, healing, change, hope, and identity. apollo lost his, not just by being put into lester, but his identity, as apollo the god.

and it isn't just apollo. meg is a big one as well, her arc sort of mirroring apollo, with nero being compared to zeus quite often in the narration. i think another arc that sort of mirrors apollo's is reyna. her arc is centered around identity. she needs to find it outside of the senate. apollo needed to find it outside of olympus. and quite ironically, the roman camp is called camp jupiter. and it was reyna that told apollo something he needed to hear. sure, he could never take back all of the shitty things he has done in the past, but he can still do good.

apollo thought he was the worst of the gods, all because he felt. all because he felt devasted when his loved ones died. all because even after all of that pain, he still loved. that is who he is at his core. someone who loves.

the reason he couldn't change at the start was because that man was in denial. but if you ignore his, i will admit this as someone who loves toa, kinda annoying narration and read just his actions, he is actively putting himself at risk to save percy, meg, his kids. he even knows the names of connor and travis, even knowing their personalities enough to know that they are pranksters. because that's who he is behind all of the glitter and blinding smiles. someone who cares, but can't show it.

how can i talk about apollo's change without mentioning jason. jason, i think, is the push that caused him to decide to change. "remember what it's like to be human." apollo and jason both sacrificed themselves for the team, only difference is that jason's stuck. this was his push. that apollo, as the god, could've helped. and that's was what he was going to do.

and in ton, we meet the troglodytes. they called him lester-apollo. lester was used as an epihet for apollo. this is mentioned in the toa server if this rings a bell. lester is now a part of his identity. it's so deeply engrained.

he may forget the people's faces, but their impact will never leave them.

apollo will stay changed because he wants to change. he wants to take those steps. that's what sets him apart from the olympians, the ones who live by one saying. "gods can't change." they can, they just don't want to. because that would mean, admitting what they did wrong and feeling guilt. apollo already was doing this, clear from the song that he sang in tho. he just needed a push.

but there is still hope. the nod from athena showing comradery. the idk what to call it with hera. apollo's trials didn't just impact him, it impacted all of olympus. for better or worse.

sure, maybe he will relapse, turn back into the selfish god he was. but why would you want to believe that? it's a story about hope. so have some.

[lurkingshan]

10 Things I Love About Oppan

I have been tracking Ossan no pantsu ga nandatte ii janai ka aka Don't Care for an Old Man's Underwear aka Oppan in my weekly Japanese QL Corner posts, but this show is so good that I need to give it a full tribute now that the entire thing is available with English subs courtesy of @isaksbestpillow. You can find everything you need to watch here.

This is easily one of my favorite dramas of the year, and it had such a great cast of awesome characters and a story chock full of fantastic themes. This is a show that encourages us not to get desensitized to the world around us, to always challenge ourselves to learn and grow and update how we think about others and the culture we live in, and to prioritize personal happiness over conformity. I love it so much and I want to talk about why, because I hope more of you will, too! @twig-tea wrote a great spoiler free pitch for the show here; this one is not spoiler free in the hopes that those of you who like a bit more info will be further enticed to give it a try. On to the list!

This is a story about a middle-aged cishet man who realizes he has damaged his relationships and sets out to change to do right by his family

There are so few stories of genuinely great fathers in media, and I found something so healing in watching a dad try so hard to do his best. Just the very fact that Makoto cares that he has hurt his family and is willing to put in work to change sets him apart, both in media and in real life.

An unconventional friendship is the heart of the story—and it changes both the characters' lives

Our core relationship begins when Daichi prevents Makoto from falling down a set of neighborhood steps, and the two strike up a surprising friendship when Daichi proves open to listening to Makoto as he struggles to figure out where he went wrong with his family. Daichi is kind and warm-hearted but also firm in his convictions, and his wisdom is exactly what Makoto needs to start updating himself.

Daichi is a gay character who’s allowed to be a whole human—he is not here just to be a magical queer mentor for Makoto

And before you worry that Daichi is a Manic Pixie Dream Gay here only to support Makoto, let me assure you that he also has a story, and it’s more complex than you might initially expect. Daichi has a lot of confidence when it comes to helping other people solve their own problems, but we eventually learn that he's not so assured about his own struggles. Daichi has other relationships that matter aside from his bond with Makoto and his family and he gets his own character arc in which Makoto is able to support him in return. They have a mutual bond that changes both of them for the better.

It takes a gentle and thoughtful approach to figuring yourself out, and encourages us to be kind to others experiencing things we don't understand 

There are so many characters in this show whose stories highlight this theme, but it is perhaps most evident in the story of Kakeru, Makoto's son, grappling with his identity and gender presentation. This show will surprise you again and again with how open and thoughtful it is about questions of identity and preference, and it constantly reinforces that we shouldn't assume we know everything about others and how they will react to our truths--if we give people a chance to know us, they might be more kind and supportive than we think.

This story sincerely believes that doing what makes you happy is always the right choice

And they make it clear over and over again: your personal happiness matters more than any societal constructs or cultural norms. Letting go of what people outside of their family think is what heals the Okitas and helps them find their love and trust for one another again.

Relatedly, it gets fandom in a way few dramas do

Makoto's wife, Mika, is a kpop stan, and his daughter, Moe, is a yaoi mangaka. One of the best parts of the show is Makoto coming to understand and appreciate their fandom and learn to respect the joy it gives them, and in turn, the whole family.

Everyone has the chance to redeem themselves

Regardless of what they have done in the past, every character in this story has a chance to redeem themselves and earn trust and respect back--and earn is the operative word there. This show doesn't demand perfection, but it absolutely demands that you care when you harm others and earnestly try to do better, and we see many characters take that journey. This is further underlined by a character in the story who does not put in that effort to try, and consequently is not forgiven or brought into the family fold. So satisfying.

Every character and every relationship matters

I was constantly amazed by how attentive this show is to every single relationship, not just the big family ones, or even just Makoto and Daichi. Makoto also goes out of his way to get to know Daichi's boyfriend Madoka, his coworkers, and Moe and Kakeru's friends, and we see connections form and deepen between so many side characters in this story. It really cares about all its characters as whole people.

And while it's doing all of this important thematic work and making us cry on the regular, it also manages to be very fucking funny! 

This show is hilarious, which may surprise you given all the heavy thematic work it's doing. But the writing has a deft touch and it manages to explore all these themes with a lot of humor. Watching Makoto learn new things and blunder his way through connecting with others is truly a delight.

And it caps off all of this with a great story about having the courage to love in the face of bigotry and a beautiful gay wedding

Perhaps the biggest spoiler here: we get a gay wedding! I was so surprised and thrilled to see Daichi and Madoka decide to marry--and not without some stumbles--and bring the Okita family so fully into their joy. What a beautiful way to end a gorgeous show. I will miss all of these people dearly.

[thoughtspresso]

This Tweet by Aka Akasaka:

I always thought there was something unhealthy about Akane’s relationship with Aqua. And while I don’t think she had ill intent, personally, it’s just like a lot of people you may have met that also either had depression or have very unstable support systems -- they tend to depend heavily on people who did treat them with kindness and gave them affection. Albeit, not by their conscious effort to use people, simply a reflex driven by a personal need to feel useful and appreciated by the people they feel love for.

Spoilers after the break.

In many scenes after Akane’s attempt during the LoveNow arc, it’s shown that she’s become to give a lot of herself to whatever it is she thought Aqua would need of her. She was happy to give those things, including:

Act as his dream girl

Be his showbiz girlfriend even with her awareness that he’s using her

Help him kill somebody in the industry

Bear his emotional burdens

Kissing and sex, even during their showbiz relationship 

Listening to her romantic rival brag about their steakhouse date and be cool with it

Being in a relationship with somebody who she knows still bears feelings for somebody else

Being okay with getting bugged/GPS-tracked if only he said so

Tracking down his father for him

Confronting and possibly killing him herself so Aqua doesn’t have to

I do think that Akane genuinely believes she was being helpful. She believes doing these were all good things.

But what she doesn’t really realize is that she was, in a way, being an enabler to Aqua’s darkness, or triggering his traumatic feelings even further.

There was something consuming about their time together.

I felt like, Akane was absorbing him somehow. Not in the literal sense. But their relationship was one where they fed into each other’s darkness. She wanted Aqua to be more dependent on her, and he was kind of glad to have someone enable his delusions--whether that he would find and kill his father, or that it was all over and he should just stay with Akane because it was the safe, scandal-free relationship to have. In Akane he found a brief respit, but also he continued to lie to himself a lot.

He gives this up when he realizes that even with Akane, being with her puts her in danger. It was the very opposite of the thing he hoped to achieve in that relationship, when he said he wanted to protect her.

In really stark contrast, Arima Kana says things like this:

She just snaps him right out of a fucking monologue.

Whenever Aqua tries to bear everything by himself, she reminds him crudely that he never had to protect her, and that he’s supposed to learn how to communicate:

In a way, it’s Kana’s radical honesty and her core understanding of who the true Aqua is all along that will set him towards the path of real freedom and healing.

Of everybody, she’s the one who knows what Aqua is like when he was at his best. And every time they’re together, they draw out the light from each other.

That, instead of Akane who says “I’ll go to hell with you if you ask”, Kana just says, “Wake the fuck up”.

So often, being stuck in your trauma also means that you need help getting out of it. You need good support systems to remind you that your trauma isn’t all that you are. And this all-consuming guilt you’ve borne on your shoulders isn’t really there anymore--you just believe that it is because that’s exactly what trauma does.

I think, despite Akane’s best attempts to remind him that things weren’t his fault, and that he doesn’t have to carry burdens by himself, the fact that she enjoyed being useful to him was, in some way, also keeping him there.

I know that there are a lot of great Kana moments after the baseball scene, but I’ve come to love coming back to their first time meeting each other again.

Even in her first re-appearance in the story, when Aqua was being all angsty emo sadboie about his acting career, Kana’s immediate reaction is to hire him, and believe in him.

Kana just wants to see him shine, too.

The way he makes her shine.