#I love that there’s a possibility Frank had a secret blog to post his secret poetry on

[kiki-strike]

Sometimes I forget ft willz isn’t actually a famous poet and is just some sad guy with a MySpace page in 2008 who might have been Frank iero

[lemotmo]

First time I've seen them be, deservedly and understandably, short with someone. The ask was vile but I love the answer so enjoy! You will have no trouble figuring out what the ask was.

A. Anon, I debated long and hard about answering your ask because, to be frank, it's rude as hell. But I decided to answer it because there are a couple of points I would like to make and you gave me an opening. I will be more polite to you than your ask was to me, but this is my third draft of this response and it's still not as polite as I strive to be to people, but it's clearly as polite as I can be on this one. Enjoy.

It's not possible to 'turn on Tommy'. He is a plot device. His character is whatever the plot needs him to be. I said from day one I liked the intended purpose of Tommy as far as present Buck is concerned. I get what the show is doing with him and I like it, right now, for Buck. I never pretended it was more than that. You are correct, my blog has lots of pro Eddie/Buddie posts. I've watched from the beginning. If you actually watch the show it is hard to not like him/them. You're also correct in that I view Buck/Eddie/Christopher as a family unit. That's the way they're written. We're supposed to see them that way, again watch the show for context. I love Eddie. He deserves better than the neverending Shannon go round. Ryan's recent interviews seem to imply he would also like to get off that particular ride. That doesn't make me or anyone else a Tommy traitor, because again, can't betray a plot device.

As for the Lou part of your ask, I have made no secret of my personal issues with him. I don't feel the need to reference it in every single answer I give, but they're easy to find on my blog. Screaming at me that we have no proof he's supported trump since 2016 is not the character win you seem to think it is. He was just as misogynistic, homophobic and racist then. So not a point in Lou's favor. I also have issues with the Cameo videos. It's gross to charge fans to talk to you. Did he have every right to capitalize on his fandom moment, sure, but I can still think it's icky. I can also acknowledge the nightmare it has caused for Oliver and Tim, and even more disgustingly so, Ryan. Most of us figured out it was the same 8 or 9 blogs purchasing the videos (no surprise who those blogs were) which I'm also sure Lou eventually figured out. He wasn't talking to a wide audience. The view count told you that. Which is why I stress that people have to stop pretending that Buck and Tommy are some wide spread loved couple. Reality doesn't support that. Shouting into a vacuum of like minded people is not the same thing as being an audience favorite and most of the people shouting know this. The videos served no purpose except financial. Which again, he had every right to do, but i have the right to be grossed out by it. I try very hard to be respectful of everyone's opinions. I am an adult. I don't need everyone to agree with my every thought. I expect the same basic level of politeness in my ask box. Your misunderstanding or deliberate ignorance of what is very clearly displayed on my blog is not my responsibility. I understand what I think the show is trying to do with the character of Tommy. I get it, and I don't hate it. I like the idea. Voicing that was never stating I'm anti Eddie or Buddie. And understanding and voicing where I think the show is going doesn't make me a Tommy traitor. Because once more, he's a plot device.

Louder for the people in back!

Oh wow. What a truth bomb. Slay! OP your ability to stay calm and collected when obviously answering a very rude and disrespectful ask is remarkable and commendable. I always strive to do the same on my blog, but even I sometimes lose my patience when it comes to the more 'rude' messages in my inbox.

What can I say about this? It's the truth. Nothing more, nothing less. Enough said.

Remember, no hate in comments or reblogs. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of the anonymous OP’s posts, you can find all of their posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[amhrosina]

NSFW Alphabet (Matt Murdock x Reader)

MASTERLIST // JOIN MY TAGLIST

Read the Frank Castle Version

A/N: I have no idea what happened when I posted this earlier today, but when I came back after making the most delicious sugar cookies ever, it had been flagged and removed from every tag. Let's try this again!

Highly requested (so much so that I can't even respond to all of them because my blog would become one long nsfw alphabet matt request blog lol). Thank you to everyone who requested and sent me love about the Frank one! I'm feeling like maybe a Namor one next??

(Warnings: literally all the basic NSFW warnings you could think of, if you’re not into smut please don’t read this lmfao, no daddy kink, no blood/knife play, but almost everything else) 

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex) 

Matt definitely wants to be an aftercare king, but let’s be real – he’s usually so blissed out by the end of it that you end up taking care of him. 

That isn’t to say you always take care of him – when he’s feeling particularly dominant, he’ll wreck your body, mind, and soul and then cater to your every need afterwards. 

Making you tea after he ruins you is his love language.  

Cuddles are an absolute must and I stand by that.  

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) 

THROAT!!!!!! If having a neck kink is a thing, Matt absolutely has that.  

He loves anything that has to do with your throat which includes (but isn’t limited to): choking, biting, sucking, kissing, and especially licking up the column of your throat when he’s about to cum. 

Your favorite body part of Matt’s is his eyes. 

He keeps those glasses on 99% of the time when he’s in public or with clients, but as soon as he’s alone with you, the glasses come off. 

His glasses are like a barrier between him and everyone else, but with you he doesn’t have to hide himself. You love that he trusts you enough to do this. 

Obviously, Matt is seeing-impaired, but sometimes you swear you can feel his stare at you from across the room.  

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically) 

Are you guys ready for this one? Are you sure??? 

MATT MURDOCK LOVES CUMMING ALL OVER YOUR PRETTY FACE!!!!!!! 

Sorry, it had to be said. 

He tries to schedule these incidents around your hair wash days because he knows it gets in your hair and that causes more work for you, but sometimes he can’t help himself.  

He likes to swipe some of it off your cheek and make you suck it off his fingers.  

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) 

Matt secretly loves it when you go out of town or have to leave the city for a night or two, because that means *phone sex*!!!! 

I mean like he hates it when he’s apart from you, but he’s always a little giddy because it means you’ll call him from your hotel room for some fun. 

The sounds of your breathy moans through his phone speaker always makes him cum so hard.  

This isn’t necessarily the dirtiest secret, but Matty is a religiously traumatized baby boy and the idea of using such lude language when he talks to you really gets him going. 

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?) 

Oh boy. Matthew Murdock is a dirty little manwhore and I am HERE FOR IT! 

He’s never left a partner unsatisfied, and he never will.  

The little hyper-sensitive hearing trick really helps him when he’s going down on you. When your heart rate picks up, he knows he’s doing something right. 

He could make you cum in 12 seconds flat if he really wanted to, but that man is a tease and will drag it out for as long as possible when he has the time. 

The king of delayed gratification and nights with at least half a dozen orgasms. 

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying) 

Matt’s a simple man (lmfao), and he loves it when you ride him because he has unlimited access to your throat in that position. 

His absolute favorite thing is when you’re so worn out from the hours of sexcapades with him that you end up laying down on top of him, giving him full permission to fuck up into you with as much force as those juicy thighs allow. 

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.) 

Matt isn’t so much goofy as he is excessively happy that he’s with you. 

He’ll have a dopey little grin on his face the entire time he’s inside of you (unless he’s feeling super dominant) and whisper the most exquisitely worded praises you’ve ever heard in your ear the entire time. 

The only time you’ve ever heard him laugh during sex is when Foggy walked in on the two of you going at it on his office desk. When you pointed out that he definitely heard Foggy walk in and just wanted to show off that he was getting laid, he busted out laughing because true, but also Matt wasn’t really paying attention to the noises around him. He just loves the sounds of your quiet moans so much. 

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.) 

I’ve always questioned this because how does a blind man groom himself down there???? 

But Matt’s a pro because he’s Matt. He doesn’t like it to be too hairy, so he has a pretty regular maintenance schedule.  

He knows how much you love his happy trail so he doesn’t dare touch it, for fear of your wrath. 

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect) 

Oh brother, Matt is so sentimental about it with you.  

He loves you so much and ensures that you know that every time he’s inside of you.  

Even when he’s being a dom, he can’t help the occasional gentle caress of your skin.  

Matt’s love language is touch, and mans was touched starved for so long, so the fact that he gets to touch you whenever and wherever really puts him in a grateful headspace. 

He can’t stop the praises from falling off his tongue anytime you two are together, and he doesn’t really care. He wants you to know how much he loves you, so he tells you every chance he gets. 

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon) 

The whole delayed gratification thing puts Matt in a tough spot. On one hand, he’s always horny for you. On the other hand, the idea of getting to cum in you keeps him from touching himself until he sees you again.  

It’s not a daily thing, but during the weeks that you’re both busy and don’t see each other much, he may have some solo fun every once in a while. 

He’d much rather cum in/on you, so really this isn’t a big thing for him. 

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks) 

You know this already but CHOKING KING KINK!!!!! 

That man loves one thing above all, and it’s your throat. 

It’s not even a conscious thought anymore. He’ll be halfway through fucking you into the mattress and realize his hand’s been wrapped around your throat the entire time.  

He’s a soft!dom and will shower you with praises the entire time.  

L = Location (favorite places to do the do) 

He’d gladly fuck you on any surface if that’s what you want, but he prefers his bed more than anything. 

The combination of the silk sheets and your kisses on his skin sends him into a state of euphoria. 

He also loves that it leaves behind your scent on his sheets. Our boy’s overly sensitive nose can’t get enough of your scent when you’re gone.  

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going) 

Like I said 1 bullet point ago, Matt loves it when your scent lingers on his sheets or around his apartment.  

If you’re not in bed when he wakes up, he’ll roll over onto your side of the bed and bury his face in your pillow.  

His third leg makes an appearance shortly after this. 

Also, (obviously) anytime he has access to your throat, he turns into a feral little devil. He can’t get enough of you, even if he’s deep inside of you. 

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs) 

Any kind of blood or knife play. 

Mans is traumatized by his old scars/wounds and would never want to inflict them on you. 

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.) 

Matt is a generous man, and that doesn’t go away in the bedroom. 

If he could situate his tongue between your legs for the rest of his life, he’d gladly do it (with honor).  

Like I said before, he knows your body so well that he can make you cum with very little effort on his part, but he still likes to put in the effort because it’s you. 

All this means is he gives you multiple orgasms before he even thinks about himself.  

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.) 

Matty’s a slow lover, and it drives you absolutely mental, because he’s so damn good at it. 

He could fuck you slowly for hours without cumming, all the while making you fall apart around him. 

Did I mention delayed gratification king??? 

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.) 

He’s not a fan, because it usually means he doesn’t get to fully satisfy you the way he loves to, but he’ll never say no to a quick fuck, ya know?? 

Lots of office quickies. LOTS of office quickies. 

He just looks so good in a suit, and you can’t keep your hands off of him when you stop by to have lunch with him.  

His greatest triumph (and his greatest shame lol) is the quickie you had in the bathroom of a church one time. 

You couldn’t stop rubbing your thighs together during mass, turned on by how wrong it would be to fuck Matt in a holy building. 

As soon as your scent his Matt, it was over for him. You’d excused yourself to try and clean yourself up, but Matt had followed and silently fucked you on the counter of the bathroom. 

He was clearly turned on by it too, but you were careful not to mention it when he was re-living any religious trauma he experienced. 

Matt secretly loves to think about it when he’s anywhere near the church. 

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.) 

Your Matthew Murdock??? Risky??? Noooooo. 

Obviously, Matt is down to try anything with you.  

Getting a visual of Matt furiously searching the web for new positions to try with you. 

He hasn’t told anyone this but his goal for the New Year is to have tried every position listed in one of those sex books with you.  

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?) 

Oh man, he could go for literal hours, and on nights when he has the time, he will go for hours. 

Matt is so disciplined with himself that most nights, he’ll make sure you’re absolutely spent before finally cumming in you. His orgasms are always earth-shattering, which is why the aftercare usually ends up being something you do, or at the very least, delayed. 

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?) 

Matt doesn’t need toys to help him get you off, but he’s always game to use them if you ask.  

One of his favorite things to do is call you when he’s leaving work and tell you to get started with your vibrator while you wait for him to get home.  

You’re allowed to get as close to cumming as you want, but you are definitely not allowed to cum before he gets there.  

He can pick up on the soft buzz of your vibrator from miles away, and the closer he gets to you the more eager he is to bury his face inbetween your legs.  

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease) 

When Matty’s feeling particularly sneaky, he likes to tease you by almost making you cum a dozen times before finally giving in and making you cum.  

You’ll be a shaking, sobbing mess, begging him to make you cum, and he’ll just have a vicious smirk on his face as he pulls away from you.  

When you finally do cum, it’s so mind-bending that it takes you a few minutes to catch back up with reality. 

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.) 

Matt’s usually so busy praising you that he doesn’t really have the breath to make other noises, but on the nights that he does, it’s magical. 

The soft grunts he breathes into your ear is so sultry that it alone could probably make you cum. 

When you get the rare chance to tease him, the whimpers he lets out are heavenly. You like to stretch these nights out because his whimpers are like music to your ears. 

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character) 

Matt likes your hair a little on the longer side because he likes to tangle his fingers in it and pull on it when he’s fucking you raw. 

One hand in your hair, the other wrapped around your throat, and Matt Murdock ascends into the stratosphere. 

He can’t imagine a better way to spend his time.  

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes) 

Whether Matt actually has a big dick or not, he for sure has big dick energy. 

The game that man has puts everyone else to shame.  

But we all know he’s huge. Like I just know his dick is big. It’s not even a theory, it’s a fact, and I stand by that. 

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?) 

Matt is insatiable for one thing, and that’s you.  

He wants you at all hours of the day, and on the days that both of you are off work, he’ll spend the hours fucking you slowly. 

(If you have a uterus), it’s a miracle that you aren’t pregnant by now. Even with all the precautions, it’s a god damned miracle. 

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) 

Sex doesn’t put Matt to sleep, so if it happens at night, it’ll definitely be a couple hours before he’s tired enough to fall asleep. 

He usually uses this time to patrol Hell’s Kitchen (if he knows you’re safe and taken care of). 

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[beneathashadytree]

Hello! I recently found your blog and I was wondering if you could do nsfw alphabet with Sherlock Holmes from Moriarty the patriot..?

NSFW ALPHABET - SHERLOCK HOLMES HEADCANONS

Warnings : this is obviously very nsfw, use of drugs and smoking (trying to keep this as in-character as possible hehe), some anal play on Sherlock himself, this is not proofread, as always reader is gender-neutral!

Genre : smut

Word count : 2.3K words

Additional notes : Thank you so much for requesting! I got really creative with this one🫣 I have it bad for this man tbh, every time I see him (especially post-timeskip) something awakens within me🫦 Hope you enjoy reading these!💗

Requests : Are open! Check the rules over here.

Want to support me financially? Here’s my CashApp.

Masterlist

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Ideally, Sherlock would like to unwind with his lover by cuddling them into his side, one arm around them as he chatted about one thing or the other, his other hand holding a cigarette to his lips. Occasionally he’d indulge in some opium, but only as long as his partner’s fine with it in bed.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He’s quite fond of his fingers. He’s proud of being able to bring his lover to orgasm with them only and within mere minutes, and loves watching them suck them into the warm cavity of their mouth. He always buys rings to adorn them just like they like it.

On his partner, he loves their ass. Big or small, one can always count on seeing him with a handful of their flesh groped in his hand (only in the comfort of their flat, of course; when they’re outside in public, the most he does is let his hand wander for a second and inappropriately tap their cute butt).

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Something he discovered one night after going for several rounds is that he’s particularly fond of cumming right outside his lover’s slick hole. After filling them to the brim with his release that oozes outside of them, there aren’t any other options, really. His cum runs a little on the thinner side, but he does cum a lot and in one go.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Not particularly a secret to his lover since he made sure to tell them that after a while together, but despite being a top in bed, he does enjoy some anal play on himself. He’s worked himself to a prostate orgasm on his own before, and would doubly appreciate it if his lover decided to indulge him.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Heavily inexperienced, but a very skilled learner. Sherlock had expressed no interest at all in romance, thinking himself better off without personal and sexual attachments to someone else. He wasn’t particularly needy for it either, so he never sought pleasure out. He’s a detail-oriented person, though, and relies heavily on his partner’s reactions to figure things out unsurprisingly quickly.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Rocking Horse position is his favorite; his legs opened to fit his lover in between, and his arms encasing them. He can adjust the depth at any time and seek their mutual utmost pleasure, while also holding them close to him. It’s equal parts intimate and erotic when he can see them fall apart so closely.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Sherlock’s a bit of a dork unknowingly, and tends to let slip a few comments unaware that have his lover giggling breathlessly. But aside from these few moments, he’s pretty serious about sex, since it’s something so treasured to him. He’ll make sure it’s equally enjoyable for both parties though, and never lets the mood get too stiff. He does have a playful side to him, after all.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

To be brutally frank, Sherlock had long given up on taming his black bush. His hair’s always been difficult to maintain everywhere on his body, so he makes up for it twofold with his impeccable cleanliness. If his partner finds themselves bothered by the bush, he’ll grumble a little but trim it, even though it’ll grow back almost hilariously fast.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Given his favorite position of choice, and his penchant for making it an absolute whirlwind of a ride, it’s pretty intimate. However, he probably won’t be able to outright say “I love you” during sex for quite a while. Go easy on the man; he’s still getting used to the whole notion of romance. Even so, his body says it a hundred times before his lips ever do.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Quite rare honestly. Sherlock doesn’t get to jack off often because he’s too caught up in his cases and pursuits, not to mention the fact that he’s never prioritized sex or even cared much for it. Though he values it in his current relationship, he never finds himself needy enough to pull his cock out and rub one out. The few times he did, it was to experiment on himself what he liked most, including anal play, to ensure a healthy sex life with them.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

As someone who’s in tune with his senses, Sherlock has a bit of a scent kink, and finds himself burying his nose into his lover’s damp skin, inhaling their scent that’s completely unique to them. For some reason, it has him so hard he starts leaking precum before they even pull his cock out of his pants.

He’s also into dacryphilia, though he does feel a little rotten that seeing his beloved cry turns him on. But how can he help himself, when the reason they’re tearing up is because he’s so big and stretching them out perfectly? Not to mention how breathtaking they are with their damp cheeks and glistening eyes…

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

He’s not too fussy about locations. Kitchen counter-top, bathtub, bedroom, office desk, even the floor; as long as the mood’s intimate and enjoyable for them both, he’s game. He does enjoy their office sex though, because the lingering smell of opium tends to stimulate him even further.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

If he’s got a couple of drags of opium in him, he’s all geared up and good to go—as long as his partner’s fine with that, of course.

Sherlock won’t admit it at first, but a small depraved part of him gains immense satisfaction when they’re completely submissive to him, because then he can fully indulge them in anything they want. He’s the textbook definition of a service top, after all, and loves to reward his darling for their patience.

A little game of chase in bed never hurt either. He likes the idea of “capturing” his “prey” so to speak, though it’s all light-hearted and never too rough. That’s some roleplay he fancies; detective vs. suspect.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Though he does like some substance, he never consumes too much to call himself particularly high on it. He’s never out of it; that’s one rule he’s strict on, because he likes to always be aware of everything. It’s caused by a mix of paranoia and love.

He’s got a bit of a possessive streak too, because he likes knowing he’s the closest person to their heart in the same manner they’re the only one in his, so he’s definitely opposed to sharing with a third party. His competitiveness also plays part in this; his ego wouldn’t stand to see his lover enjoying someone’s body and pleasure more than his.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

When it comes to oral sex, despite being a service top, Sherlock prefers receiving. They’re just so good at bringing him to the edge with their warm mouth and skilled tongue, their hand taking what their mouth can’t. The sight of their lips stretched to accommodate him and choking on his girth always has him throwing his head back with immense pleasure.

Though he’s quite skilled at giving his darling mindblowing oral sex after they guide him through it the first couple of times, he found he much preferred fingering them. The way their eyes roll back with every digit of his pumping inside them is just too cute.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

His favorite positions always allow him both, but he finds that slower paces are better for him to last longer. He’s rarely ever desperate enough to rut into them in a crazed frenzy, like their warmth was the only thing keeping him going. When he does though, both their orgasms are so powerful that he stutters on his moans and their toes curl.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Not a big fan of them, but not entirely opposed to them either. He’s not the most organized person around, but even he’s not a fan of the crumpled mess that becomes of them after quickies. If his beloved is up for it, he won’t say no, but he personally doesn’t have any need for the ridiculously short sessions.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Sherlock’s big on self-exploration, whether concerning sexuality or general sexual preferences, and he believes that disovering them with your partner helps better your sex life a hundred times over. Once he experiments something and finds he likes it, he asks them to incorporate it the next time they have sex, and encourages them to do the same.

He’s not a very risky person when it comes to nightly activities, unless you count slipping in the bathtub or accidentally swallowing opium as risks. Basically, most risks are comprised of accidents due to the mess he leaves around the apartment.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He doesn’t last very long, and there’s nothing shameful about that. Sherlock was never one for exercise, and his libido is quite low in the first place, so he lasts a couple of rounds at most. He’s hell-bent on bringing his lover to the throes of pleasure over and over again, though, so he’ll resort to using his fingers or mouth on them as breaks for himself in between.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Related to the previous headcanon, he’ll definitely own toys to help his lover reach their own orgasm when he’s tired out. His competitive nature prevents him from using the toys during the sex itself, though, because he wants to be the one to bring them the most pleasure.

He’s certainly tried out the dildos available at the time on himself a couple of times, before telling his lover exactly how he likes it inside himself. It definitely made the nights more fun, in his opinion.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Sherlock could be a little shit when he wants to, and that translated into the bedroom too. He did like to tease often enough when he was in a particularly playful mood, repeatedly bringing them close to their climax before robbing them of it. Only when their tears started dripping down their cheeks and he’d made a mess of their hole did he finally grant them release.

Other times he’s rather straightforward about it. Making love like that took up so much of his concentration that he could only send them hurtling towards orgasm. They felt too good like that, their insides swallowing his cock.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He’s absolutely shameless. Sherlock has some of the prettiest moans known to mankind, and it’s quite arousing to hear just how pleasured he is by them. He’s so loud that even the neighbors have sent complaints before. He makes sure to tell his lover just how incredible they’re making him feel, and might even let a whimper or two loose as he cums.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

The single hottest thing that had ever happened to him was when his lover once straddled his lap, took his cigarette from his fingers, inhaled deeply, grabbed his cheeks to pry his lips open, and breathed the smoke out into his mouth. Much to his humiliation and their amusement, his entire face burned red at their hooded eyes through the smokey haze. His cock was embarrassingly hard in his pants, and it only took them grinding down on his bulge a couple of times before he came in his pants. Their little derisive chuckle at that probably awakened something in him.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

He’s definitely big, to the point where it’s actually a bit of a struggle to take him. 7 inches when hard, his cock flushes pink at the lightest bit of stimulation, and weeps a lot of precum. It curves a little to the right too. He’s got twin prominent veins at either side of it, and his lover always cries out how good he feels when he’s pulsing inside of them.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

I’d say out of all of the characters, he’s got the lowest sex drive. He doesn’t tend to have sexual desires much, and doesn’t yearn for sex unprompted. He probably falls on the asexual spectrum (remember, being ace doesn’t necessarily mean not wanting sex at all!), or is demisexual and is only sexually attracted to his romantic partner whom he shares a deep bond with. He’s also pretty busy with his detective work, so more often than not it completely slips his mind. He’s always up for it if his significant other wants to, though!

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

As a smoker, he doesn’t really get much sleep. But when he does, he’s completely knocked out. The exhaustion that comes with a very thorough session in bed with his darling is very rewarding, but after a couple of smokes and a few interesting conversations, his speech begins to slur and his cigarettes die out.

At times like these, his lover takes the liberty of plucking the smokes from between his fingers and pulling him into the warmth of their chest, fingers running through the soft tresses of his hair.

Taglist: @sherlockscumslut @lilias-highlights @thispersoniscrazy

[spencers-renaissance]

Writing Masterlist

All of my writing is available on AO3, but I’ve put together a masterlist of all my work so far for everyone who gets their fic fill on tumblr and will keep it updated! Keep your eyes peeled for new fics on the regular <3

⭐️= indicates my personal faves

If you’re looking for smut, you need to head to my smut masterlist on my nsfw blog!

Current Fic Count: 30

Aaron x Spencer

⭐️turns out that I need you now (much more than you need me)

Spencer is suffering in silence and it’s only made worse when the team messes up and makes him feel even more hurt and insecure. When Hotch goes to check on him, though, things start to look up.

3.5k, angst, hurt/comfort, protective hotch, happy ending

⭐️Vivaldi on Full Volume

Spencer’s done enough pining, so he decides to write a letter for Aaron telling him exactly how he feels and gives it to him on the jet. He cannot be held responsible for what happens when they land.

5.2k, fluff, love confessions, shy spencer, insecurity

Living the Same Lie

Aaron breaks up with Spencer, but when an attempt to move on goes horribly wrong they get a second chance.

5k, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, fluff, breaking up and making up, implied/mentioned physical assault, implied/mentioned sexual assault

East Coast

Spencer and Aaron happen to sit opposite one another on a busy train, and when Spencer spots a breakthrough in the legal case Aaron is stuck on, they strike up an innocuous conversation that quickly stirs up feelings.

2.1k, fluff, meet-cute, train carriage au, lawyer!aaron, academic!spencer, shy spencer, firsts 

All Roads Lead Home

Spencer’s working the Christmas Eve shift when a young boy with a hurt arm comes into the ER. Nothing out of the ordinary, except his rather flirty dad and leaving later with an extra phone number in his contacts list…

2.1k, fluff, hospital au, getting together, first date, gentleman!aaron, soft spencer

To Look on Tempests and Not Be Shaken

In the wake of a blazing row and an empty apartment, Aaron finds Spencer’s well-thumbed copy of Shakespeare’s sonnets and recalls the morning after their wedding, when Spencer sat on his lap and read Sonnet 116 to him. Suddenly, everything makes sense.

2.6k, angst with a happy ending, fighting and making up, married hotchreid, relationship dynamics, introspection, fluff

Derek x Spencer

Even More Beautiful 

The BAU is stuck in Michigan with no case and no way home, so naturally, Spencer and Derek confess their love for one another. (Based on the prompt ‘You look even more beautiful covered in snow.’)

3.5k, fluff, love confessions, shy spencer, insecurity, hurt/comfort

⭐️Hear it in the Silence

A short, fluffy chronicle of Spencer realising in increments how in love with Derek he is, and navigating a real, beautifully sweet relationship that's not always smooth sailing, especially since he's been hurt before. (Based on Taylor Swift’s You are in Love.)

3.7k, angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, dev relationship, tw past abuse, domesticity

⭐️Still Left With the River

Derek wakes up to find his boyfriend crying on the sofa. Cue the hurt, the comfort, and the fluff. 

1.6k, hurt/comfort, fluff, caretaker!derek, autistic spencer, crying, sad spencer

100

Spencer's an academic researcher who spends every morning at his local library. Derek just happens to drop by one Tuesday and ask the pretty boy in the classics section if he can help him find a book. Sparks fly.

2.1k, library au, fluff, meet-cute, pining, shy spencer, coming out

when I fall asleep (it is your eyes that I close)

Spencer’s not been sleeping, and as much as Derek adores his sleepy clinginess and physical affection, as soon as they get home he’s determined to get to the bottom of it. 

1.9k, fluff, hurt/comfort, sleep-deprivation, clingy!spencer, physical affection, anxiety, cuddling

⭐️Trees and Seas Have Flown Away, I Call it Loving You

Derek says something hurtful, but it happens to lead to just about the best thing that’s ever happened to Spencer.

3.2k, hurt/comfort, fluff, angst, fighting/making up, angst with a happy ending, autistic spencer, coming out, getting together

⭐️A Christmas Like This

Spencer has a very specific plan for their first Christmas in their new house, and it has to be absolutely perfect. Derek’s going to do everything in his power to make his boyfriend as happy as possible, even if that means a house covered in garlands and a tree covered in animal skeletons…

2.9k, fluff, christmas fic, est relationship, neurodivergence, romance, domesticity, day in the life

Secret Santa

Penelope rigs the BAU’s Secret Santa game to finally get Derek and Spencer together with extraordinary success, and they have her to thank for their future first date. Oh, and a sprig of mistletoe nearly throws the whole thing out the window. 

2.8k, fluff, getting together, insecurity/anxiety, christmas fic, first kiss, misunderstandings, friendship

⭐️A Chronicle of Loss

5 people Spencer Reid lost and 1 person he gained. A look at the traumas Spencer faces over the series, and giving him the happy ending he deserves.

3.6k, grief, loss, abandonment issues, insecurity, depression, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, getting together, ‘didn’t know they were dating’, protective derek, autistic spencer

Mayhem

Imagine that scene in S4E1 when Derek is driving the ambulance loaded with a bomb about to explode, except it’s Spencer on the other end of the phone and they finally get their shit together. 

4.2k, canon divergence, spencer is the tech analyst, getting together, mutual pining, insecure spencer, angst with a happy ending, fluff, declarations of love

⭐️my heart talks about nothing but you

Derek finds Spencer staring longingly at dancing newlyweds while on a case and once he gets to the bottom of why he’s tasked with making a proposal to a man who knows it’s coming special somehow. (He pulls it off.)

2.5k, established relationship, hurt/comfort, minor angst, fluff, relationship discussions, proposal, protective derek

I told the stars about you

Derek and Spencer have their first date. They dance to Frank Sinatra and cuddle in an ice cream parlour, before kissing the hell out of each other at Spencer's front door. That's pretty much it. (Prequel to above fic.)

2.1k, first date, first kiss, pure tooth-rotting fluff, dancing, flirting, protective derek

⭐️I can’t hold enough of you in my hands

Derek and Spencer are finally getting married and the rest of the BAU are there to help them through every step of the day. Including a little surprise that Derek has up his sleeve for their first dance. (Third part to the above two fics.)

3.1k, tooth-rotting fluff, marriage/wedding day, team as family, team dynamics, domesticity, paternal hotch, maternal alex, just a whole lotta love man

⭐️ dry me off and hold me close

Derek has finally relented and is bringing his boyfriend Spencer to meet the rest of the team. That means, though, he has to finally tell them about his boyfriend's disability. Terrified that they'll react badly, he puts it off until he can't anymore. Turns out he was worried for nothing

5.7k, so much fluff, protective derek, disabled spencer, caretaker derek, spencer is not in the bau, team as family, hurt/comfort, light angst, est. rel, chronic illness, slice of life: disabled edition

Honeysuckle

The BAU decide to head out for a picnic one summer afternoon, but they’re soon rudely interrupted by a bee sting and anaphylactic shock. Seeing Spencer carted off in an ambulance is not exactly how they expected the day to go.

2.3k, whump, angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, hurt spencer, friendship, medical conditions, severe allergic reactions

⭐️The Noiseless Crash of Crumbling Walls

After Derek and Spencer are paired up on a science project in their senior year of high school, they become the closest, most unlikely friends possible. But what happens when Derek finally finds out what Spencer's dealing with at home? Inspired by the prompt “where did you get those bruises?”

4.5k, high school au, hurt/comfort, fluff, angst, hurt spencer, protective derek, abuse, friendship, pre-slash, spencer just turned 16, derek is almost 18

Luke x Spencer

Start With This

Luke accidentally hurts Spencer because they are both hopelessly stupid, but when Spencer’s faced with a dangerous situation there’s nothing he wants more than Luke. Calling him turns out to be a very good decision.

3.9k, hurt/comfort, angst w a happy ending, fluff, getting together, misunderstandings

⭐️Foolishly, Completely Falling

Spencer declines to spend the night with Luke, but there’s a reason for that, and things start to click into place when Spencer shows back up at his doorstep at 2am, hours after being dropped home.

2.5k, hurt/comfort, fluff, angst, past toxic relationship, nightmares, est/dev relationship

You Said You’d Never Smile Again

“At one point, we had a conversation about how hard Spencer was finding life after prison and he told me that he didn’t think he’d ever smile again. And so, I made it my mission to prove Dr Spencer Reid wrong for the first time in his life.”

1.4k, weddings, tooth-rotting fluff, implied/referenced depression, post-prison spencer, insecure luke, found family 

Emily x JJ

Don’t Be Scared, I Love You

JJ is shot and Emily's world stops spinning.

1.7k, whump, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, fluff, protective emily

⭐️my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand

Emily leaves. Her heart is breaking. JJ follows. Hers is waking up.

1.3k, angst with a happy ending, fluff, mutual pining, crying, first kiss

Emily x Reader

⭐️Night In/Night Out

Emily Prentiss is your girlfriend and she finally asks you to meet her family (the BAU): cue the fluff.

3.2k, fluff, flirting, cuddling, domesticity, protective emily, slight shy!reader

baby, you’re my new years’ eve

You and Emily are hosting a New Years' Eve party for all of your friends, but she's acting a little weird. You finally find out why when the clock strikes midnight.

3.6k, fluff, nye fic, proposal, getting engaged, domesticity, romance, flirting, day in the life 

Gen

Pull Me Out of the Glowing Stream

Spencer develops bacterial meningitis and Hotch sort of forgets how to breathe. 

3.8k, paternal!hotch, hurt/comfort, sickness, whump, fluff, happy ending

I found my way home

After Spencer tells Hotch about his recent autism diagnosis, he expects that to be the end of it. Somehow, though, it keeps coming up, and Hotch keeps proving himself to be the best father figure he could have asked for. 

4.1k, autistic spencer, protective hotch, hurt/comfort, fluff, paternal hotch, team as family

⭐️The Colour of Waiting is Purple

Spencer's just trying to get home as quickly as possible when a bad decision to take a shortcut down a back alley leaves him broken and bleeding into the night. // Hotch thinks it's a new case when his phone rings at 3 in the morning. It isn't.

3.7k, whump, hurt/comfort, physical assault, major character injury, hospitals, dad hotch, hurt spencer, angst with a happy ending, eventual fluff

[bigskydreaming]

Why do You dislike Scott Snyder? I mean I have my reasons.. like a lot of the Court of Owls stuff, his convoluted plots, making Dick a punching bag for the broody bats, horrible at writing the family as a family he literally wrote Death of the Family I mean....*kill bill sirens* ... Also the ''son of a Damian'' line from Black Mirror etc. But I'm curious if you have more reasons since I'm pretty new and I'm told that he likes Dick and wanted to write Dick focused books and I don't.. buy it.

LOL yeah, all of that for sure, and I mean.....tbh, I don’t pay enough attention to his interviews and stuff to even be aware that he’s said that about liking Dick and wanting to write Dick-centric books, but I’m with you on that....not necessarily meaning anything.

God knows I’ve lost track of how many fic writers in this fandom swear up and down they love Dick Grayson and yet I avoid their stories with extreme energy, lmao, because I’ve read enough of their takes on DG that I’m like hmmm, yeah, we are not the same, lol. I mean, there’s a certain couple fic writers who just are like....DETERMINED to mention Danny Chase every single time I make a post about why I’m annoyed by the focus on Dick’s allegedly infamous temper. And its always the exact same song on repeat, they’re like “OH-HO, so apparently you don’t remember the time Dick choked Danny, a literal CHILD, just because Danny had the nerve to tell him Jason died, cuz like, I do, and it was AWFUL and Danny could have died TOO y’know, that’s how mad Dick was.” 

And then I just kinda stare at these words that apparently mean things, and enter a fugue state where an unknown amount of time passes and by the end of it I feel 80 million epochs older, and its like....no, I absolutely do remember that time when Dick grabbed Danny by the shirt and yelled in his face because he just found out his brother died and Danny said “what’s the big deal, its not like it doesn’t happen all the time” and this was absolutely not an awesome and fun scene for anyone, no matter how understandable Dick’s upset was at the time. BUT, I also happen to remember, since y’know, it was in that literal exact same issue, how then Dick went to see Bruce, and due to BRUCE’S upset about Jason’s death, Bruce literally punched his remaining son to the ground, screams about how it was all Dick’s fault, and kicks him out of the house Dick grew up in and tells him to leave his keys with Alfred. 

And its like......the very same people who LOVE to throw around references to Danny Chase in order to puff up the claims about Dick Grayson being volatile and extreme and having a Dangerous Temper like, flat out REFUSE to ever even ACKNOWLEDGE that scene with Dick and Bruce, from the literal exact same issue, because they at the same time claim that THIS was bad writing and OOC and Bruce would never.....but apparently, the writing from ten pages before it was just fine and completely accurate and Dick absolutely would not only ever, he would always, and thus Dick’s Legendary Dangerous Temper is canon and its why Dick can’t have nice things or people being nice to him in these writers’ stories, its too Dangerous, he might get mad I guess.

And each time this comes up on this site, I’m always like....hey, science side of tumblr, is it possible that insisting on vilifying Dick for his reaction to someone in the wake of Jason’s death whilst simultaneously refusing to acknowledge the scene of Bruce’s reaction to Dick is canon or in-character despite existing in the exact same issue and written by the exact same writer.....like....could this be one of those double standards I’m always going on about? And isn’t it in fact reasonable to question just how much or how little someone actually means it when they say they love a character but want that character flogged in the middle of the town square for a Bad Reaction to something that also prompted a Bad Reaction from another character but this character, they’ll like, throw themselves in front of a moving train if it keeps someone from daring to even suggest that THEIR reaction was canon and in-character and might potentially say something damning about their temper or behavior with friends or family?

*heaves endless sigh of endlessness*

Sorry, that example was right there on the tip of my brain today because like....I literally just saw another post around this oft-deceased and resurrected and killed to death again dead horse like, five minutes ago and then came to dip into my ask box for the first time today and it was like.....destiny. Assuming destiny has some free time to kill and nothing better to do, which, I mean, hey, everyone’s allowed a hobby is all I’m saying.

LOL sooooooooooo, ANYWHO, its just like.....ugh, I’m so over being expected to take at face value any writers, whether professional or fan, saying “oh but I love this character or that character, and due to that being my preface to everything else I say or do in regards to this character, you have zero basis for claiming that you do not like or trust my depiction of this character because ummm, read much? I literally JUST said, I love them though? Wow. Insert scoffs of incredulity here, I don’t even know how to talk to someone who thinks I don’t like a character I claimed I like just because literally everything else I say or do about them paints an opposing picture to the contrary.”

LMAO. Sorry. Had to get that off my chest. But yeah, like, I think EVERY canon Batfam writer has made a similar claim in recent years about pretty much every Batfam character, and at a certain point it starts to be like....okay, if all of you are telling the truth here, shouldn’t we see more canon evidence of like....these characters that you’re writing, like....actually even LIKING each other? At what point are we allowed to question the legitimacy of you saying oh I totes love this character, that’s why I write their family as abusing them, that’s just love, baby, that’s what it looks like.

Personally, I’d like to see more of us at least using qualifiers? I mean, I do say I don’t hate Tim, or Bruce, or any of these characters, but I get how people could be dubious about that and be all, umm, you rant about them a lot, because like...yeah. Fair. That’s a valid critique. SO its a lot more accurate for me to be like, I love 90s Tim and I just have become increasingly less enchanted with the character over the past twenty years since then, enough so that my knee-jerk reactionism to people bashing Dick’s character BECAUSE of what Dick did or didn’t do to Tim in their eyes, is like.....disinclined to view the situation or his character these days through 90s-Tim rose-colored glasses. 

Similarly, I truly don’t hate Bruce, at least not when he’s not being written as physically and emotionally abusive and/or just plain neglectful, BUT I absolutely despise the abuse apologism rampant in most fandoms, but particularly in this one, where people will make like Cirque-de-Soilei contortionists in order to prove that Bruce beating this kid or that kid isn’t actually abuse, its cuz they made him do it....rather than people just being like, no, that’s abuse right there on the page and I don’t stand for it or stan that Batman, so I have zero desire to defend that scene or his actions there from his perspective, and am totally fine with taking a seat when someone speaks up about how much they hate what Bruce did to his kid there in that scene and how it affects their read of the characters as a whole.

Its like....that too, is a thing you can do, instead of just.....trying to explain why Bruce isn’t abusive see, because what happened there wasn’t actually abuse, since it couldn’t have been, because Bruce isn’t abusive, see, he would Never.

And yet so rarely do people actually do that, and we have people literally championing themselves as members of the Good Dad Bruce Protection Squad when the frank reality is there CAN BE NO GUARANTEE of him ever and always being a Good Dad, when like....his characterization, ultimately, is dependent on how he’s written by canon writers who ARE NOT US. Which makes that desire to see him as just a good dad and nothing but a good dad always, like....not quite as understandable as it otherwise might be, and instead just kinda....willful, an admission that a lot of fans in this fandom will just flat out ignore all evidence to the contrary of this stated claim about what Bruce inherently IS, when inherently all he is happens to be a character who manifests whatever those in creative control of him choose to manifest via him. Like.....there are ways to go about that kinda thing, its just....that isn’t it. Something like “Proud member of the Keep Bruce Wayne a Good Dad Squad’ or something along those lines? I’d have ZERO issue with, because that’s ACTIONABLE, not WILLFUL. It posits not that Bruce simply IS this way and there’s no ifs, ands or buts about it, but rather that just because he isn’t this way in some instances, that doesn’t mean we have to agree with it or condone that interpretation of him, y’know?

But people are like....unwilling to make that distinction or hold that nuance a lot of the times, so my dislike of Bruce as he’s written in certain ways or by certain writers like....grows and evolves and mutates into Godzilla rampaging through downtown New York, until its understandable that people reading my blog intermittently and who don’t follow everything I say on the subject are like.....”Bold of you to claim you like lizards in this one post when I have here nine other posts where you’re just like, FEAR the murderous monster-lizard destroying New York for it is Dangerous and Fearsome. Cuz one of these things is not like the others, bud.”  

*Shrugs* Anyway, all of that’s just my allergy to Staying on Topic, so make of it what you will, hopefully you get what I mean though even if you don’t have like, the requisite Kalen-Garbled-Nonsense Secret Decoder Ring. Back to Snyder though....yeah, he can claim he likes Dick all he wants, because y’know what, Tynion says the same thing and its been well established by moi that my fondest wish for Tynion is that he be kept far, far away from Dick’s character whenever possible. And I’m pretty sure Tom King claims he loves all these characters and we’re all like HAHAHHAHA and we know Lobdell insists he loves Jason Todd and its like wow how curious then that hardly any other Jason Todd stans love you.

The ironic thing about my random bouts of ugh Snyder in a lot of posts however, is that......tbh, its not even his depiction of Dick that makes me dislike him as much as I do? LMAO. I mean, I’m not a fan of it personally, for a lot of the reasons you mentioned, but I don’t like a lot most canon writers’ depiction of Dick these days and haven’t for years. The thing I really dislike Snyder for, personally, is his depiction of Damian.

Its just.....its very Not Good, a lot of the time. Oh, there are moments here and there, but you could claim that for any writer, really, but for the most part, like.....ooof, I haven’t read Snyder’s work on Damian recently enough to really cite specific moments off the top of my head, because I’ve been avoiding anywhere he’s writing Damian for awhile now BECAUSE of it, but....a LOT of the ‘demon brat’ shit in regards to Damian comes from Snyder’s work, and like, I’m always kinda like “hey is making Demon anything the go-to nickname for a kid of Arab descent who is already compared to a terrorist enough as it is like....really the best we can do” to begin with, and Snyder absolutely 100% does not help with that.

To be fair, its not remotely like its all just on him, the stuff that has had a lot of us complaining for years about the blood son crap and the insistence on acting like there’s this stark divide between Bruce and Damian and the rest of the Bat siblings, I mean, see: Tom King again, its just. Ugh, okay, Im gonna have to get back to this in the near future with actually sourced gripes about why I think Snyder’s Damian in particular is absolute crap and could he just not, though. Because it really is my chief complaint with him, like I was never gonna be a fan of his in general just because he’s someone who's like DARK MULTIVERSE BATMAN FUCK YEAH and I’m someone who’s like DARK MULTIVERSE BATMAN UGH FUCK WHY.....lol....BUT like I mention in other posts.....its not like he’s incapable of doing decent stuff or that he’s never written anything I like, because ironically, he IS the biggest canon backer of Duke Thomas and pretty much single-handedly responsible for Duke retaining as much of a presence as he has in recent years instead of just appearing and blipping out of existence like a one-hit wonder, and that can’t be overlooked or considered inconsequential.

That just also kinda makes it all the more annoying that his Damian is so very.....objectionable to me, but yeah. Anyway, that’s the curious case of my very mixed feelings on Scott Snyder, with a side dish of generalized “lol oh, so you do in fact love this character? Well magically all my criticisms of your take on them have now disappeared!”

[hrystallized]

A RIDICULOUSLY LONG POST ABOUT MEMBERSHIP IN THE SLUG CLUB & HORACE’S STANCE ON INCLUDING DEATH EATERS/DE CHILDREN IN HIS CLUB RANKS. 

BACKGROUND / PREAMBLE :

the slughorns are among the sacred twenty - eight ;    horace was raised by rich pureblood parents who, although not staunch supremacists,  were certainly sympathizers to the cause who undoubtedly benefited from and indulged in the high society culture and snobbish elitism and systemic privilege that that crowd cultivated.    his parents and their friends taught him from a very young age that he came from greatness.    and that greatness began with his surname because brilliance came through the bloodline, talent ran in families.   his parents urged him to associate with only the    “right sorts”     having been groomed to be able to see something intrinsic about people that would make them worthy of his company,  he went to hogwarts as a student on the prowl for the proper ilk to cultivate around him. he learned how to pick up on every single connotation of a given surname, how to learn the ins and outs of other lineages as if his own.    he learned how to sum up a man by the way he carries himself when he knows everything is watching and a woman by the way she holds herself when she thinks no one is.    he learned knowledge as power, influence as power, connections as power,   family as power, charm as power, sex as power .  .  .     horace learned how to be a socialite before much else.

then he  learned how to be a scholar.     he learned how magic functions,   how potency is impacted by intent and instinct,  how deeply within magic can be felt and how far it can radiate.     he grew up to be an adult who does see a genetic or inherited component to magic capability.    it can be taught, certainly .  .  .     but the STRONGEST,  the  BEST,   they have some of both natural talent and rigorous training.    nature and nurture combined.

i say all of this as preamble to establish the precedent that horace has always cared about a few things:    1) the bloodline from which someone comes,  2) innate charm / charisma / talent,    3) ability to be mentored/taught as well.    these characteristics have always played a role in selecting slug club members.

REGARDING THE PICKS FROM HARRY’S YEAR :   

these are rather emblematic of his philosophy because he is intimately familiar with most of the magical families floating around hogwarts at the time.   he went to school with many of these students’ grand- or great-grandparents and taught many of their parents,  so he certainly has an idea of surnames to be on the lookout for.     that’s how horace has always constructed his initial shortlist —- just by family name alone.    that’s certainly mclaggen’s ticket into the club,   and it’s what gives belby his initial invitation,  immediately retracted once he learns that any connection to his wolfsbane-creating uncle is nonexistent.    we also have zabini,  though that is a slightly different example because the zabini name doesn’t signal talent,  but money.   but money is power,  money is influence,  and horace is going to capitalize on that. 

harry and neville are a subset of that,  to be sure.   ————–  it  should  be  noted that i don’t think horace would have actually dropped neville like a hot potato ?     i think j/k/r just lazily used him as another device to show how people disregarded neville,  to be completely honest.  his ability in herbology would have reserved his spot somewhere lower to the bottom of horace’s ranks.   for evidence of this,   i point to snape of the previous generation,  whose general appearance and demeanor should have disqualified him from the slug club if charisma and presence were the only determining factor but whose potions prowess horace found undeniable.   although horace would have certainly found neville to be bumbling and a bit useless,   the first time a complimentary note came from sprout’s lips regarding him,  horace would have been sold again that perhaps there was some of frank and alice within him.    (  i suppose that we could explain neville as not being in the slug club in that he chose not to accept horace’s invitation, but i would have to plot with a neville tbh. )            

ginny and hermione represent the next way that individuals can earn an invitation,  and that is through demonstrated talent of their own accord.   hermione’s,  he learns about through her reputation  ;     ginny’s, he witnesses firsthand.     with the latter,  i think it noteworthy that he invites her on the spot after having seen her perform just one powerful spell ——- this is indicative to both A) his trust in his gut instinct  and  B) his understanding that he must POUNCE on opportunity when he sees it.       /    horace’s parents surely would not have been pleased with this application of the skills they taught him,   associating with a muggleborn and a blood traitor,    but horace was a great deal more liberal in that sense.   more on that below and also scattered throughout  my blog. 

REGARDING HIS DECISION TO EXCLUDE DEATH-EATER AFFILIATED CHILDREN :    

it’s honestly mostly self-protection.   he doesn’t want to get any closer to that whole .  .  .    THING .  .  .    than he has to.    of course,  there is the matter that he fundamentally disagrees with what voldemort and the death eaters stand for,  but excluding them isn’t him actually taking some grand stand.   it’s him trying to protect himself.  

COMPARING THIS TO HIS SELECTIONS BACK IN THE DAY: 

many,  many death eaters were slug club members.   many others who were not official members were students liked, favored, and regarded fondly by horace over the years,   without any shred of doubt.   the same tactic was not applied at all and would also not be logistically possible for the following considerations----

                 1)  if  we accept and believe remus when he states that the death eaters outnumbered the first order 20-1,   then we are talking about upwards of 400 death eaters amongst voldemort’s ranks.   many of these would have been slytherins,  students of slughorn’s own beloved house.   furthermore,  there’s the entire matter that identities of death eaters were incredibly secret.   he would not have been able to avoid them, even if he wanted to.

                 2)   he  wouldn’t have wanted to ———— horace was an absolute COWARD during the first war.    he lived in constant fear of voldemort,  of tom  and what he had become.    he had absolutely no desire to join that side,   but he also had no desire to publicly decry their actions.    he tried to stay very team switzerland because in the end, banking on the fact that if he did nothing to significantly aid either side, he could reasonably assimilate into the culture of whichever side won.   he spent the first war trying to maintain very business-as-usual operations and part of that was just simply recruiting people based on talent.   if he ever suspected anything of anyone,  he put it out of his mind.   ignorance continued to be bliss.  

                3)  we also know that many death eaters and blood supremacists in general are ministry-affiliated.   horace has deep connections with the ministry and likes it that way, frequently recommending individuals for various positions and promotions.   he is a well-respected figure and he likes it that way ;    maintaining those connections is fundamental to the lifestyle he loves to lead.    

              4)  the first war would have been offspring of many of his good friends from school.  lucius malfoy,  for example,   he would have been SALIVATING  over.    it would have been a dream come true to be able to sit around his office and tell old school stories and chuckle haughtily about it all.   but  blood supremacist purebloods raised death eater kids.   not a hard formula to figure out.  

             5)  i suppose it’s sort of important to note that while ‘ignorance is bliss’ mostly applies to horace wanting to maintain peace of mind and generally not think about a war that doesn’t impact him personally,  the one sort of more pure-hearted application of it is that he genuinely never wanted to believe any of hist current or former students to be capable of the awful things that the death eaters did.   granted,  he should have learned his lesson with tom,  but he didn’t.   he, most certainly foolishly,  chose to turn a blind eye to the fact that any of his students would use their gifts for such vile and violent things.   accepting that alternative would break his heart.

[frankwallace]

Yo-yo time | the up and down of life and death

It’s yo-yo time folks. Please pull yours out and think of me. Down, up, down, up… Down.

One day I am in enough abdominal pain (intestines, stomach, liver, kidneys) to want to die, and then I have a day like Wednesday and Thursday last week. I somehow willed myself into our greenhouse to record thirteen new videos using four different guitars. Never felt so alive. I am so grateful to be able to fulfill one more dream of recording many of my newest works ( if I can finish the editing!). Of course, the next day I had to get myself to the chiropractor to fix the damage I did from pushing myself so far. Then I slept most of the next two days, followed by a tired but wonderful afternoon with both of our boys, Gus and Adam.

The special video from these sessions is appropriately Sweet Enigma, which I wrote for an old, old friend who I have not seen in 50 years. Dave Blanchard commissioned me in January to write a memorial for his daughter who tragically died at age 17. Read more here. The title came to me while thinking I could not possibly understand the pain of such an event, and what mood do I try to strike—enigma: a person or thing that is mysterious, puzzling, or difficult to understand. “Death is the ultimate enigma and we’ll never know its secrets.”

So the yo-yo is a little strange in that you have to throw it down. Most things drop. Footballs, basketballs and baseballs all fall after you throw them up. Gravity—we normally don’t pay much attention to it—is always there, pulling us down to Earth. As my legs get weaker, I am more sensitive to very subtle changes of slope. The slightest rise and I struggle. Staircase – forget it. But down is a relief, and that is the direction I’m headed. Into the Earth. Gravity will swallow me and I will be embraced by this grand globe and all the souls who reside there. And I will be relieved.

BTW, I think “passed away” is a terrible euphemism. It symbolizes our culture’s fear of death, and dying. After all, we don’t refer to the “passed away.” We talk about the dead. Even “deceased” is a distancing from the stark, inevitable and totally natural reality. I will die. And my body will go away. But hopefully my spirit will remain in the hearts of those I know and love and those who encounter my legacy of compositions and recordings.

I am pleased to mention that a dear friend of mine asked for permission to use my last blog post, I look west, for the words to a new choral work. I’ll let him do the announcing when it is done. But he mentioned that the words made him recall singing a choral piece by Heinrich Schütz – Selig sind die Toten – as a freshman in college. These are the words:

Selig sind die Toten, die in dem Herren sterben, von nun an.
Ja, der Geist spricht: sie ruhen von ihrer arbeit, und
ihre Werke folgen ihnen nach.  — Revelation 14, v.13

Blessed are the dead which die in the Lord from henceforth: Yea, saith the Spirit, 
that they may rest from their labours; and their works do follow them.

And finally, a recent poem of mine:

Where I Go

No pencil No pen No voice?

No PDFs No MP3s No CD, VCR, TV or apps No .com, .biz, .wav —Heaven!

No thoughts No trails No tears

No fears, fights, or fools No trials, triads or trills No practice No proofs No Pringles, no jingles

I go to the primordial jungle the source where all is created where all is consumed where Nothing resides

All is remembered All is forgotten Nam myoho renge kyo.*

—FW May 11 2020

* Namu Myōhō Renge Kyō (南無妙法蓮華經; sometimes truncated phonetically as Nam Myōhō Renge Kyō) (English: ”Devotion to the Mystic Law of the Lotus Sutra” / “Glory to the Dharma of the Lotus Sutra”) are religious words chanted within all forms of Nichiren Buddhism.

Yo-yo time | the up and down of life and death was originally published on FRANK WALLACE

[oursoulsareone]

On the week of my trial against the domestic abuse suffered by the hands of Matthew, I have decided to finally write the post that has been going around in my head the past year or so. And to be honest this post makes me a nervous wreck to sit down and write because I will likely publish it to my actual-not-so-secret-real-blog as well.

There is something that needs to be addressed. It is 2019 and this is still a huge issue. I am generally not vocal about the abuse too as I still have anxiety from it and it’s hard for me to relive but I want that to change because most domestic abuse (and rapes) go unreported. Why? Because no matter how much girls preach ‘feminism’ and ‘believing women’ and all that bullshit (and yes, I say bullshit because most of those girls are sitting behind a keyboard when it comes time to do the right thing, most girls fall away. 

Women and girls are afraid to speak out. 

And sure, it has to do with being afraid of the abuser/rapist. It’s scary as hell. I know when I was convinced to report Matt that I was afraid he would come kill me. I had a police presence in the neighborhood making sure there was no face to face contact with him. 

But also, it has to do with all those people who choose not to believe you. So and so is so charming. He’s so nice, he could never. Fact; most abusers, rapists and serial killers are charming, charismatic and socially manipulative. So of course it is unbelievable for the vast majority of friends/family/acquaintances to believe. 

I recently have met a friend of mine (we’ll call her Mary) who went through something very similar in her life time. We have a lot in common. Anxiety. Our views on our self-worth. The way we handle problems. The wavering tone in our voice as we opened up to one another about the hell we suffered... But she never reported her ex husband (we’ll call him Frank). Why? Because people either didn’t want to get involved or people didn’t believe her.

She lost her best friend in the divorce because she just could’t see him being ‘the type.’ But there is no ‘type.’ Some are outright aggressive, some are really sweet in the light. Others are only aggressive in fights (Matt) and amazing all of the other times.

Mary’s story is not my story to tell so I won’t go into too much detail, but I will tell you, her ex-best friend set her own roommate up with Frank and a few months later, Mary received an apologetic call from this girl... but by then it was too late. 

My relationship wasn’t the typical-abusive one you see in the movies.

Most aren’t.

Most abusers aren’t drunk, aggressive assholes who come home from work angry at everything and beat their wife. 

Most abusers are normal guys. Which is why it’s so hard for people to wrap their heads around the idea that the guy the know would be capable of doing such horrible acts. 

Most abusers only get physical when they are angry. In fights. And most women in these situations become experts at deceiving. 

Matt is extremely manipulating. He knows how to act to get people to like him. He is like a chameleon, you like horses? So does he. You like to fish? Sure he does. And he’s just smart enough to know what to talk about. He’s witty and funny and comes off as very caring (in all honesty, I am sure he is a caring person, just has an anger inside of him) and passionate. 

But there is a reason he failed a handful of psych evals for police departments in Washington before we moved to Utah.

There is a reason the police were called on him several times for aggressive acts (fights with our neighbors, luring my ex boyfriend to my apartment, noise/yelling).

Because underneath the facade there is a monster. And the monster only comes out with anger, otherwise it is shocking.

Classic domestic violence research will tell you why I stayed. I thought I loved him. And I did. I loved the sweet, Matt. The fun, Matt. The Matt that played with my family and cousins. The Matt who left me sweet messages and flowers. The one who did everything possible when we were not fighting to make me open up and forgive him again. I barely told a soul. I didn’t want people to hate him. I care far too much what people think (or did at the time) so I acted like we were in a perfectly happy marriage, because most of the time we were. 

Everything was great in the beginning.

And we rushed into marriage. I was in love, or as much as a sheltered 19 year old could be... and I was happy.

I was even happy when the abuse started. The arm twisting. Pushing me around (at this time it was usually only to beds and chairs and barely hurt). He’d apologize profusely. And the fights were few and far between.

But after deployment he was angrier. More aggressive. And months went on and the abuse got worse. Once something happened it was so much easier to go back to it. 

He never, ever close-fist punched me. I think he took that as the definition of “abuse” but for some reason he didn’t see a problem with hair pulling, slamming my head into the ground and choking. Screaming so loud into my face that spit covered my face. 

The fights would end.

And everything was back to “normal.”

As time went on this weighed on me. 

I become more reserved. Quiet. I stopped blogging.

I focused on my job. I focused on becoming a mom.

The fight that ended the abuse.

Looking back I wish I had told someone everything sooner. The biggest fight we had. I was thrown down the stairs. Choked on our entry way floor until I lost consciousness after being slammed down a few times by my hair... I woke up. And I left. To our best friends house. She was gone. But her husband was home.

He saw the bruises. 

His mom saw the bruises.

My best friend saw the text with the bruises. She saw the leg bruises much later.

But just like that.

The abuse stopped.

He always told me, threatened me, not to tell anyone. But I did. I caved. I got so scared that I reached out. And it stopped. 

We were so far pulled apart at that point that the next 4 months we barely kissed or spent time together. I was still under the manipulation spell, I was just so depressed I had nothing to do. Nothing made me happy. I was convinced I deserved nothing. 

And then he sat me down in early January 2017. And told me he didn’t think he could do this anymore. Of course at this point he had been having his affair for months now, unbeknown to me. 

I was devastated. I thought my life was ending. I was so convinced no one would ever love me again. I didn’t want to be a statistic. He made be believe I had everything wrong with me and was broken. 

We wrote up the divorce papers. And I was having such a hard time accepting all of this.

And then I was set up on a date with a good guy at the very in of February. A few dates. A few months fling. Did I love him? Nope. But did he show me there was a better life ahead? Yes. He treated me like I deserved and showed me my worth. 

Matt realized I was happy. His control was gone.

So he tried to get it back. He begged for me back for a solid week in March. He got drunk. Sent love messages. Cried. But I was out of his grasp. I made it out.

I was still lost. I was going to almost-weekly counseling at this point. Building myself back up, working on anxiety and learning just what abuse does.

The post linked below is a great one that addresses this in greater detail. My purpose of writing this specific post was to talk more about the hypocrisy that is most women who call themselves feminists but won’t stand behind a “friend.”

http://oursoulsareone.tumblr.com/post/179269571592/why-didnt-you-just-leave

[jerseydeanne]

SHOCKINGThe Hollywood Followers of Nxivm, a Women-Branding Sex Cult

Its founder, Keith Raniere, was just arrested in Mexico. But the controversial cult Nxivm has also attracted many rich and famous followers over the years.

AMY ZIMMERMAN

03.30.18 5:15 AM ET

From a Smallville actress turned alleged top recruiter to heiresses and billionaires, the cult Nxivm has cycled through a host of famous and influential followers.

Formerly known as Executive Success Programs, Nxivm is the brainchild of Keith Raniere, who was just arrested in Mexico on sex trafficking charges. As The Daily Beast previously reported, Raniere has been accused of creating DOS, a “sorority” in which female “masters” recruited “slaves” who were reportedly branded with Raniere’s initials and, according to FBI official William Sweeney, “considered [Raniere’s] sex slaves.”

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Sweeney continued, “He allegedly participated in horrifying acts of branding and burning them, with the cooperation of other women operating within this unorthodox pyramid scheme.”

According to the AP, “Investigators said Raniere preferred exceptionally thin women, so ‘slaves’ had to stick to very low-calorie diets and document every food they ate. As punishment for not following orders, women were forced to attend classes where they were ‘forced to wear fake cow udders over their breasts while people called them derogatory names,’ or threatened with being put in cages.”

But long before Raniere was arrested—before ex-followers alleged branding rituals in The New York Times, leading him to flee upstate New York for Mexico—Keith Raniere was just a sketchy “executive coach” hawking his courses to an impressive list of acolytes.

A 2003 Forbes profile of Raniere reported that “some 3,700 people have flocked” to Executive Success Programs. “Prompted by a potent word-of-mouth network, they include Sheila Johnson, cofounder of Black Entertainment Television; Antonia C. Novello, a former U.S. surgeon general; Stephen Cooper, acting chief executive of Enron; the Seagram fortune’s Edgar Bronfman Sr. and two of his daughters; and Ana Cristina Fox, daughter of the Mexican president.” Emiliano Salinas, the son of the former president of Mexico, likened Raniere’s courses to “a practical M.B.A.”

“Why should we pay attention to this psycho factory? Because it has well-placed, well-heeled members and appears to be actively pursuing an entrée into political fund-raising...”

Salinas is listed as “VP Ethics” on Executive Success Programs’ website; his bio notes, “A member of ESP’s Executive Board since 2009, he is involved in helping to maintain the company’s standards and responsible for leading its sales force.”

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While Raniere appears to have long courted wealthy and high-profile followers, there’s a wide range of involvement, from those who took Executive Success Programs to long-term believers who are alleged to have been involved in Raniere’s more nefarious machinations. A 2010 Observer articlecalled out a few high-profile dabblers, including billionaire businessman Richard Branson. Branson reportedly “has hosted an intensive NXIVM course on the Caribbean island he owns” and was “listed along with Sara Bronfman as one of the two ‘benefactors’ of the 2008 Albany A Cappella Innovations conference, the culmination of Mr. Raniere’s brief obsession with a cappella singing.”

According to a Virgin Management spokesperson, “Sir Richard Branson has never heard of Keith Raniere, he has never met him and there is no association between Sir Richard and the NXIVM group. Necker Island is available for hire by members of the public and Sara Bronfman hired Necker Island several years ago. Sir Richard believed the booking was for Sara Bronfman’s family and friends.The booking was not in the NXIVM name and Raniere was not listed as a guest on the island.”

Forbes was cited in 2003 court filings, in which Raniere said “we have been called by MSNBC and Forbes who are contemplating running stories based on the false information.” Later on in the filing, Raniere complained that, “Goldie Hawn cancelled her engagement with us next week because of the false press.” This cancellation was cited in a 2009 op-ed in the Daily Gazette, which argued that the Dalai Lama ought to cancel an upcoming trip to Albany in light of the fact that it was sponsored by a Raniere-founded group, the World Ethical Foundations Consortium. The writer argued, “In 2003, Keith Raniere roped actress Goldie Hawn into speaking at Vanguard Week, an annual NXIVM event. When Hawn learned about the controversies surrounding Raniere, NXIVM and ESP, she canceled her appearance. If Goldie Hawn has the sense not to appear at an event sponsored by Keith Raniere, then cancellation by the Dalai Lama, winner of the Nobel Peace Prize, should be a no-brainer.”

While the Dalai Lama did initially cancel his visit, according to a 2010 Vanity Fair expose, “What happened next is something of a mystery.” The article continued, “People believe that Sara and Clare [Bronfman] flew to Dharamsala, India, to plead with him. And, if so, it’s possible they were just extremely persuasive—because His Holiness changed his mind. But the Dalai Lama Trust, registered in New York State just two days before the Dalai Lama’s appearance in Albany, raised eyebrows. Calls to the trust were not returned. The Bronfman money, it was said, might still be able to buy a lot of things, but not respect.”

Although the aforementioned Bronfman sisters may not be Raniere’s most A-list associates, various reports have made them out to be an invaluable resource to Raniere.

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The Bronfmans, heiresses to the Seagram’s fortune, made an appearance in the 2003 Forbesprofile, which featured allegations that Clare Bronfman had “lent” $2 million to Raniere’s program. Allegations against Executive Success Programs were made by none other than the Bronfman’s own father, Edgar Bronfman. While Bronfman once participated in an Executive Success Programs course, Forbes reported that, “He hasn’t talked to his daughters in months and has grown troubled over the long hours and emotional and financial investment they have been devoting to Raniere’s group.” Bronfman even went so far as to call ESP a cult.

The subsequent Vanity Fair piece, “The Heiresses and the Cult,” delved much deeper into the Bronfman sisters’ financial backing of Raniere’s dubious endeavors, alleging that, “According to legal filings and public documents, in the last six years as much as $150 million was taken out of the Bronfmans’ trusts and bank accounts, including $66 million allegedly used to cover Raniere’s failed bets in the commodities market, $30 million to buy real estate in Los Angeles and around Albany, $11 million for a 22-seat, two-engine Canadair CL-600 jet, and millions more to support a barrage of lawsuits across the country against Nxivm’s enemies.”

In 2012, Albany’s Times Union published a list of high-profile Nxivm-ites entitled “NXIVM courts rich, powerful and influential.” It cited Roger Stone, who was allegedly employed by Nxivm. A 2007 New York Magazine articleasked, “Why should we pay attention to this psycho factory?” continuing, “Because it has well-placed, well-heeled members and appears to be actively pursuing an entrée into political fund-raising. Stone, paid by NXIVM, had funneled at least $20,000 to the state GOP; the heirs to Seagram’s fortune are devotees; and, per the Post, Richard Mays—a Clinton friend and one of Hillary’s top fund-raisers—is an ‘Espian’ as well, having taken so-called intensive classes with Raniere.”

The Times Union piece also named a contingent of actresses, including Linda Evans, Nicki Clyne, Allison Mack, and Kristin Kreuk. Grace Park, best known for roles on Hawaii Five-O and Battlestar Galactica, took part in “Keith Raniere Conversations,” a collection of “informal thoughts on civilization, ethics & humanity.” While the conversations featuring Park appear to have been taken down, remnants of Park’s participation can still be found on the internet.

Raniere fled for Mexico after The New York Times published its shocking Nxivm report in October, complete with testimonies from former members. The article featured Dynasty actress Catherine Oxenberg, whose daughter India was initiated into the sorority. In a statement following Raniere’s arrest, Catherine Oxenberg wrote, “For months, I have worked to expose Keith Raniere and NXIVM, and today’s arrest vindicates my efforts. I want my daughter to know I love her and that I want her back in my life.”

As The Daily Beast previously reported, allegations have swirled around Mack, the former Smallville actress who is now rumored to be a top Nxivm recruiter. Mack has written openly about her involvement with Nxivm and Jness, a Nxivm women’s group of which Raniere has deemed himself the “conceptual founder,” and can be seen in Jness video testimonials, as well as ones interviewing Raniere himself.

Frank Parlato, a businessman and reported former Nxivm publicist who is involved in an extended legal battle with the Bronfman sisters, has spoken out about Nxivm on his blog, The Frank Report.

In a 2017 blog post, Parlato wrote at length about Mack’s alleged involvement in DOS: “Both women’s groups, Jness and DOS are based on the teachings of Mr. Raniere. Both require members to keep the teachings secret. Jness is open to females who want to take entry level self-improvement courses on female empowerment. A beginner is not told about the higher level teachings until she proves qualified…Since Miss Mack has assumed control of both organizations, Jness is evolving into a training ground and recruitment camp for women who may qualify for the teachings of DOS. The ‘cream’ of Jness women are invited to join DOS, and the ‘cream’ of DOS women are invited to join Mr. Raniere’s harem [subject to his approval].”

Mack is further alleged to be one of the women who was living with Raniere at the time of his arrest, who “chased the car in which the defendant was being transported in their own car at high speed.”

On Wednesday, Parlato told the New York Post that Kristin Kreuk actually introduced her Smallville co-star Allison Mack to Nxivm. “Kreuk had come first, sometime around late 2005, early 2006,” said Parlato, although she allegedly left the group in 2012. Parlato further claimed that, “Allison was used, as was Kristen, as a lure to bring in other women because of their celebrity status.”

UPDATE:

Kreuk tweeted out a statement acknowledging her affiliation with Nxivm, writing, “During my time, I never experienced any illegal or nefarious activity.” The actress insisted that she left the program “about five years ago” and that, “The accusations that I was in the ‘inner circle’ or recruited women as ‘sex slaves’ are blatantly false.” Kreuk went on to share her disgust with “what has come out” about DOS, and described herself as “deeply disturbed and embarrassed” by her former ties to Nxivm.

Amy Zimmerman@ahzimmamy.zimmerman@thedailybeast.com

Got a tip? Send it to The Daily Beast here.

[2-fast-2-curious]

Come Around

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Summary: You’re dating Peter Parker but thirsting for Spider-Man.

Warnings: The language in this is filthy, definitely NC-17, Peter and the reader are adults and apparently being an adult means that you gain like 3498 levels in dirty talking ability, there’s unprotected sex and thigh riding.

Words: 3026

Author’s Note: I have no idea what I should title this. I spent my 23rd birthday writing this because I have no life/friends. Also watched The Punisher while I was writing and wondering if Frank Castle and Peter Parker ever cross paths when out and about fighting crime in New York City. What I would give to see that interaction… Peter Parker was such a piece of sunshine in Homecoming while Frank Castle is all doom and gloom.

On the subway back to your shared apartment, you texted Peter asking him mundane questions like if he would be home for dinner and whether or not you should wait for him to get home before starting another episode of Bojack Horseman on Netflix. As much as you hated to admit it, you and Peter had settled into a routine and become a boring domesticated couple. It didn’t help that you two hardly saw each other with his sporadic Spider-Man work schedule. The only thing you liked about Peter being gone all the time was the fact that it allowed you to keep a secret of your own.

You sighed as you entered the apartment. There was something about being inside your home that alleviated all the fatigue from your body. You wondered where this energy had been when you were at work. You slumped into the couch and opened your laptop to check on your dirty little secret. It was a blog, a tumblr blog that posted suggestive imagines and visuals for the various superheroes in the universe. Captain America was the most popular with his muscular physique and golden locks. But occasionally they would even post a little something about a certain web-slinger you called your boyfriend, those were your favourites. You typed ‘Spider-Man’ into the search bar at the top of the blog and were happy to see there was a new post.

You bit your lip as your cheeks flushed. The thought had never even crossed your mind. When you first found out you were dating Spider-Man, you were wondering how long it would take until your life was in danger. But that day never came. You probably owed it all to Peter for working so hard at keeping his identity secret. You closed your eyes, imagining what it would be like. You would probably be panicked so the adrenaline would be running through your veins, making all your senses heightened. And when Spider-Man came to save you, he would look oh so good in his skin-tight suit that showed off his masculine form. He would take care of the bad guys who had taken you and help calm you down. You’d be overwhelmed with his generosity and kindheartedness that you couldn’t contain yourself and you’d pull his head to yours in a passionate kiss. And maybe things would get even more heated when you-

You heard the jiggling of keys enter your doorway. “Sweetheart, I’m home“. Peter leaned down and gave you a kiss on your temple as you came back to reality. You watched as he pulled out a large styrofoam container from his backpack. You smiled catching a glimpse of his suit, tucked safely inside his backpack. “I stopped a stick up at a Korean restaurant in Midtown, the owner gave me japchae to bring back.“ Peter said, completely unaware of the fantasy that he just ruined.

You smiled at your boyfriend, he seemed so pleased with himself. “I’m sure you were amazing, babe, you always are.” You grabbed a plate and helped yourself to the delicious tangle of sweet potato noodles

For the next couple of day, that scenario was all you could think about. And maybe, just maybe, you had gone on PornHub and searched for erotic videos based on your boyfriend’s alias.You had fallen in love with Peter Parker but now you were beginning to realize that you also had Spider-Man as well. You fell for Peter and his goofy smile and his unrelenting kindness. But Spider-Man took those qualities to a whole other level. He spent all day helping people, putting others above himself, sacrificing his life, and asking for nothing in return. You felt that Spider-Man deserved to be rewarded, something that was a little more personal than the heaps of praise recognition he got from the general public. You wanted to give him something that was shared between just the two of you and your mind was running wild with an endless list of ideas.You decided that this fantasy was too good not to share. 

One day, you got off work early and to make the proper preparations for your fantasy real. You splurged on fancy lingerie and wore it underneath Peter’s favourite outfit of yours. A sweatshirt of his that was oversized and a pair of comfy drawstring pyjama bottoms. You finished doing your makeup just in time to see your boyfriend texting you that he would be back in fifteen minutes. You called your best friend who begrudgingly agreed to tie you up to a dining chair in the middle of your apartment. As your friend was working on getting the rope around your legs, you messaged Peter, telling him to come through the window. You told a little fib about your neighbour having a party with several loud, inebriated guests hanging out in your shared hallway.

Your friend finished tying your hands to the chair and swiftly left the apartment. The sound of your front door closing was perfectly timed with the sound of your living room window opening. Just as you predicted, Peter was in his full Spider-Man get-up with the mask obscuring his beautiful face from your view. Peter wondered why your apartment was so dimly lit and was about to take off his mask when you let out the loudest sound you could make with your mouth taped.

Peter’s head turned at record speed and the eyes of his mask widened when he saw your constricted form. “Y/N, what happened?!?!” He ripped the duct tape off your mouth and you winced, surprised how much it hurt, next time you would fashion a gag out of a bandana or something. “Spider-Man, I’m so glad you came!”

You could see Peter’s brow furrowing through his mask. “Of course, I would come, I texted you that I would be back-wait did you just call me Spider-Man?“ In all the years the two of you had spent together, you had called him Peter, even after he told you who he was and why he was always cancelling dates at the last minute despite being completely smitten with you.

You nodded. “Well, you are Spider-Man, right? Our friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man? And you heard my cries for help and came here to save me.“ You fluttered your lengthy mascara-coated eyelashes for emphasis.

You knew Peter would catch on eventually. He was a smart guy and he was a superhero to boot, he knew how to pick up on context cues. “Why yes, yes I am. I’m Spider-Man and I’m here because I had a feeling there was a beautiful woman who needed my assistance. Now, why don’t you tell me what happened here?“

“Well Spider-Man, I had just come home from a bad date, slipped into my sweats when I walked into right into a break and enter happening right in my apartment.“ You smiled feeling Peter’s covered fingers running through your hair in a soothing manner. “Well the robbers tied me up, but it wasn’t long until you got here Spider-Man. Luckily they weren’t able to take anything important.“

“Aw sweetheart, I’m sorry this had to happen to you. I’m also sorry you had such a bad time on your date.“ You could tell that Spider-Man was the kind of hero who would actually listen to you complain about your non-existent love life, he was such a genuinely good person.

You sighed. “Yeah, that sucks. It’s been awhile since I’ve met a guy worth my time. I thought this one might be the one to break my dry spell.“ You looked up at Peter, strategically adjusting yourself against the restraints. Your movement caused the neckline of your/Peter’s sweatshirt to fall off of your shoulder, revealing a lace covered breast. “I even wore my best lingerie.“

Spider-Man’s eyes widened at the sight of the lace, stretched tight over your chest. He wanted to reach out and grope your chest like he would’ve normally. But one look at the red and blue material covering his hand reminded him that to you he was Spider-Man, not Peter Parker, and Spider-Man didn’t go around squeezing the breasts of women he just met.

You cleared your throat, even though Spider-Man had held back on touching you, apparently, it was totally okay to gawk at your chest like he was a teenager seeing a girl in the flesh for the first time… “Spider-Man, aren’t you going to untie me? I can’t possibly thank you properly when I’m restrained like this.”

“Oh right, sorry ma’am.“ Peter made quick work of the knots and soon you were able to move your limbs.

You got up from the chair and leaped into Peter’s arms. “Oh thank you, Spider-Man.“ You lifted up the bottom of his mask and uncovered his full pink lips. You kissed him, taking your time to test and see if kissing Spider-Man was different from kissing Peter.

Peter cupped his hands on your bottom supporting your weight. “You’re very welcome Miss.“

“If it’s okay, I’d like to do more than kiss you to thank you, Spider-Man.“ You gave him a demure smile as you took your sweatshirt off all the way. “Like I said, it’s been awhile since I’ve been well… properly fucked as to speak.“

“This reward you’re proposing sounds a bit selfish don’t you think?“ Peter ran his tongue down the side of your neck, planting soft kisses with his newly exposed mouth. “You’re going to get fucked and I’m going to make you come over and over again and what am I going to get?“

You bit your lip. “I have eyes you know… I see the way you’re looking at me. I bet you’re wondering what I look like underneath these pants, don’t you? Well, let me help out your imagination…” You hopped out of your arms and slowly shimmied your pyjamas down your hips. Bending over to give Peter the best possible view of your wet slit soaking through your panties. “See… Spider-Man, this can be beneficial for both of us.”

Peter ran a finger down the spine of your bent over form and a shiver soon followed suit. His hand continued it’s way down your bottom and gave your cheek a tight squeeze. You giggled as straightened your spine back to standing. “I like it when you touch me, especially since you still have your suit on.“ You guided Peter to take a seat on the chair you were previously bound to and straddled him. “It makes me wonder what that suit feels like against other parts of my body.“

To nobody’s surprise, Spider-Man had amazing thighs. They were thick and muscular. You had always admired Peter’s thighs and although you had thought about it a lot, the two of you had never done this before. Due to your lack of experience, your hip motions began timidly as you tested the waters of what felt right. Soon enough, you had built up a rhythm and throwing your head back in ecstasy. “Spider-Man, do you feel how wet I am? Am I soaking your thigh with my wetness.“

You continued to perform your impromptu lap dance, making his suit feel tighter by the minute. You smirked as you watched him awkwardly scratch the back of his head. It amused you how the more time you spent with Spider-Man, the more Peter Parker mannerisms snuck out. “My suit is made out of a water repellant material…“

You rolled your eyes, of course, it was, you bucked your hips and increased the pressure making Peter groan. “But I do feel how warm your pussy is, it feels so nice.”

“Even better“ Your eyes began to flutter as you felt that familiar warmth heating up your loins. “Spider-Man, I’m close…”

“Cum for me, babygirl, soak those panties for  me.“ You clung to his broad shoulders as your entire body shook.

You let out an unsteady sigh. “That was amazing.“

“Yeah? I’ll bet that’s the first time you’ve cum on someone’s thigh before isn’t.“ You nodded, rubbing your cheek against the slippery material covering his chest. Peter knew this was a new experience for you.

“I want your hard cock inside of me. I want you to fuck me Spider-Man.“ Your hands found themselves where they usually went, to Peter’s crotch, but then you realized that there wasn’t a button and fly like pants. Even your research on PornHub hadn’t prepared you for this. “Um…Spider-Man, how does this work?”

“Well, the thing is that it’s a one-piece type of deal. So there’s no way I’m going to be able to have you bouncing on my cock while I’m still wearing it.“ You moved off of Peter as he got off the chair. You smiled when you saw that his right thigh had an extra gossamer sheen due to your actions earlier.

“Oh, okay. Can I take this off?“ you asked gently running your hand down his jawline.

“Yeah sure…“ Peter agreed and shed the tight material off of his torso while you pulled the mask off of his face.

Your mouth fell when you were met with your boyfriend’s brown eyes and sweaty curls. “You’re really handsome…“

Peter chuckled. “You’re not too bad yourself.“ He pulled you close to his body and you pulled away in shock not quite expecting to feel so much of your boyfriend’s skin against yours.

“Do you…do you not wear anything underneath this?” This was completely new information for you, and not just the damsel in distress you were playing.

Peter shrugged. “I don’t really need it. The suit has netting to keep everything in place.“

“That must be some powerful netting.“ You reach down and stroked Peter’s hard cock. “There’s a lot to keep in place.“

Without his Spider-Man get up, it seemed like Peter had reverted back to being your shy and affable boyfriend. His cheeks reddened at your bold comment. “Yeah?“

“Yeah.“ Peter managed to navigate the straps and lace that made up your lingerie well enough to get you out of it. You gave Peter a quick peck on the lips and led him over to the couch. You leaned over the top of it, planting your hands on the cushions, your feet dangling. “Ever since I got this sofa I’ve been thinking of this. You’re so strong, I bet this should be a cakewalk for you.“

“I’d love to fuck that wet cunt of yours when you’re bent over like this.“ Peter used to fingers to spread the wetness between your legs. It was the first time you had been touched all night. Feeling the pads of his fingers lightly brush against your clit made you moan. You felt so sensitive, any kind of stimulation Peter gave you felt like too much and not enough at the same time.

“Wow, you are throbbing, baby girl.“ He put slightly more pressure on your clit, making your eyes close in bliss. All of the sudden, it was all gone. You turned your head, ready to beg Peter to put his hands back on you, just in time to see him licking his fingers, savouring your taste. “You are just absolutely delectable.“

“I’m ready for your cock, I want you to feel you stretching me out.“ You were getting needy. You were getting impatient and started wiggling your bottom wrapping your legs around Peter’s hips, trying to get him closer to you.

“Okay, okay. My greedy girl, I’ll give you what you need.“ Peter lined himself up and used his hands to guide himself inside you. “Oh fuck, you’re so wet. You feel so good.“ He let out a groan, no matter how often the two of you did this, he was never totally mentally prepared for how euphoric you felt wrapped around him, squeezing his length.

You simply weren’t in the mood for Peter to take his sweet time. You put more of your weight into your hands and pushed your hips back, driving his cock deeper inside of you. Peter whimpered at the sight. “Look at you, fucking yourself on my cock. You really are desperate for me aren’t you sweetheart?”

Peter held your hips still, forcing you to stop your movement, waiting for his answer. “Yeah, I’m desperate for you, please.”

“Don’t worry, I got you babygirl.” Peter began exerting more effort into his thrusts, the sound of his hips hitting your ass filled the room. Peter lean over your bent form, his hands playing with your hard nipples. His extra weight on your back pushed you deeper into the couch, further embossing your body into the structure of the couch. It meant that every time Peter bucked his hips, it caused your clit to rub delightfully against the soft velvet material.

“Peter, I’m going to…” You ground your hips, trying to get more friction onto your clit. The fabric of your couch was now completely wet.

“That’s it, darling. Let it out.” Peter whispered encouragingly in your ear. You came for him, yelling Peter’s name as he increased the pace of his movements, your arms giving out and your body falling limp against the support of your couch. Peter release came moments after yours filling you with warmth.

Your boyfriend left your spent body momentarily to go into the kitchen. Upon his return he ran a wet, warm towel between your legs, cleaning up the bodily fluids that were dripping out of you. After he was done, he wrapped you up like a human burrito in the throw blanket that you kept on the couch, laying you down. “I’m sorry you didn’t get to fuck Spider-Man.“

You yawned snuggling into your boyfriend. “Really? Because I’m not. Everyone else in the world knows you as Spider-Man, but to me, you’re Peter Parker, my boyfriend, and that’s something no one else can say. I love you.“

Peter couldn’t resist himself. “I know.“

You shook your head at your boyfriend, trying to suppress the laugh that wanted to escape your lips. “Yeah, I love you, even if that subjects me to your random Star Wars references.“

[aion-rsa]

What If…? Episode 9 Review: A Missing Puzzle Piece

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This review contains spoilers for Marvel’s What If…? episode 9

In the season finale of Marvel’s What If…?, ‘What if… The Watcher Broke His Oath?’, we discover what happens when The Watcher finally intervenes in the MCU’s escalating multiversal madness.

As some of you may have assumed, the Guardians of the Multiverse do indeed assemble to stop Tony Stark’s godlike, universe-slaying murder bot, with Doctor Strange helping to pull Ultron’s strings as the team’s de facto leader.

There’s a lot to enjoy in the episode, but it stops short of greatness through no fault of Marvel’s own. Due to pandemic-related constraints, the season is missing a pretty essential Gamora and Tony Stark-centric installment that helps set up the whole ‘Guardians of the Multiverse’ vibe in the finale. We will likely see it all play out in Season 2, but that might be quite a while away from hitting our screens.

Our What If…? reviews adopt a different kind of format – more of a breakdown that we hope will satisfy die-hard Marvel fans but still help bring those less familiar with the MCU up to speed.

With that in mind, let’s dig deeper into ‘What if… The Watcher Broke His Oath?’

Required viewing

For this season finale, you’ll need to have seen pretty much all of the previous eight episodes to make full sense of these events. It also helps to have seen Captain America: The Winter Soldier at some point!

Voice cast

Jeffrey Wright is our Watcher, Hayley Atwell is Peggy Carter/Captain Carter, Lake Bell (Harley Quinn) is Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow, Frank Grillo is Brock Rumlow/Crossbones, Georges St. Pierre is Georges Batroc (the Leaper), Chadwick Boseman is T’Challa/Star-Lord, Michael B. Jordan is Erik Killmonger, Chris Hemsworth is Thor, Benedict Cumberbatch is Doctor Strange, Toby Jones is Arnim Zola, Tom Hiddleston is Loki, Kurt Russell is Ego, Samuel L. Jackson is Nick Fury, Mick Wingert is Tony Stark/Iron Man, Ross Marquand is Ultron and Cynthia McWilliams (Bosch, Marvel Heroes) stands in for Zoe Saldana as Gamora.

What’s different?

In an altered version of the Captain America: The Winter Soldier opening, Captain Carter, Brock Lumlow and Black Widow begin their hostage rescue mission on the pirate-captured SHEILD ship the Lemurian Star. We discover that Peggy and Natasha have become BBFs in this branch timeline, with Natasha still attempting to play Cupid to a lovelorn Cap.

Peggy begins to scrap with Batroc the Leaper onboard the Star, but is interrupted by The Watcher, who tells her that she has been chosen for Doctor Strange’s new Ultron-stopping multiversal superhero team.

Meanwhile, as Star-Lord T’Challa rescues Dairy Queen Peter Quill from Ego, The Watcher recruits him too. We then hop to Nidavellir, where an alternate duo of Tony Stark and Gamora are helping Dwarf King Eitri melt the Infinity Gauntlet. We’re told that Gamora is a “survivor of Sakaar” and a destroyer of Thanos, but sadly we never got to see any of this transpire. The Erik Killmonger we saw take over Wakanda is also picked up, along with Las Vegas Party Prince Thor.

The Watcher and Doctor Strange explain the Ultron mission to their team – get the Infinity Stones away from Ultron and destroy them in Gamora’s crusher MacGuffin – even as Killmonger starts making some mental chess moves to betray them all. It turns out that his dark nature is built into their overall plan, so it’s fine I guess. Also, it turns out that Stephen isn’t as good as Cap or T’Challa at performing a rousing speech (which tracks) but thankfully he is really good at doing protection spells.

Ultron soon discovers the newly-assembled Guardians of the Multiverse thanks to Thor’s blundering, and a terrific fight ensues as the Guardians face off against him in the universe from the penultimate episode where Black Widow was the human race’s lone survivor. The aforementioned crusher doesn’t work in this timeline (whoops) but Strange captures Ultron and Killmonger in a pocket universe after Cap and Black Widow upload the Zola brain program into Ultron using Hawkeye’s trusty USB arrow.

How does it work out?

The Guardians of the Multiverse are all returned to the timelines from whence they came, except for Black Widow, who The Watcher takes pity on and drops off in the middle of an alternate universe that is missing a Natasha. We see her fighting Loki aboard a SHIELD helicarrier and saving the day in an Avengers team that includes Captain Marvel, and we can assume that this is the world from episode 3 where Hank Pym took out all of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes apart from Captain America. It’s nice!

In a post-credits scene, we see BBFs Natasha and Peggy discover the Hydrastomper in the Lemurian Star’s cargo, and it’s teased that Steve Rogers might still be alive inside.

Standout moments

I really loved seeing Captain Carter running the Lemurian Star mission with SHIELD! I feel a little robbed of seeing Peggy and Natasha’s banter in live action, as it felt like they had so much chemistry together. I did see Twitter explode with some mini slash fic after this episode began streaming, and if I were to, say, have a secret Captain Carter fan fiction blog that I regularly update, which of course I don’t and you shouldn’t try and find that because it absolutely doesn’t exist, then I could perhaps imagine some romantic stories for these two coming to life there, in that 100% imaginary and not real blog. Anyway, yes. Move over Steggy and Stucky, there’s a new MCU portmanteau in town: Pegasha. Nateggy? Eh, it’s a work in progress.

The finale also gave us one last Chadwick Boseman performance as T’Challa, and it was great to hear his voice here in a new little adventure with Michael B. Jordan’s Killmonger, even if he still couldn’t get through to him when the stakes were even higher.

The animation and design was top notch, and there were lots of little Easter eggs to enjoy from past episodes, including the zombie-vomiting portal and Strange producing countless Mjolnirs instead of the copies of himself we saw in Avengers: Endgame. We also got an Alexei mention from Peggy, and the return of The Little Arrow That Could. I’ll admit it’s a little hard to swallow ‘HYDRA to the rescue’ as an MCU concept, but needs must where the Devil drives.

I’m looking forward to checking out Season 2 of the show in the future, and possibly seeing the continuation of some of the Season 1 stories. But by the time these arrive, the implications of the Marvel multiverse will have hit the MCU in a major way through the likes of Spider-Man: No Way Home and Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness. Hopefully, those won’t take any of the fun out of seeing alternate versions of the characters we’ve come to love.

If you want to dig deeper into What If…?, please consider subscribing to Marvel Standom on the Den of Geek YouTube channel, where we dish out weekly episodes on all the new Marvel TV series, trailers and movie releases. Can’t stand our faces? That’s fair! You can listen to Marvel Standom on Spotify and Apple, too.

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[arnoldjaime13]

Blog Tour- ON THE WAY TO BIRDLAND by @frankmoewriter With An Excerpt & #Giveaway! @fowbooks @RockstarBkTours

 I am thrilled to be hosting a spot on the ON THE WAY TO BIRDLAND by Frank Morelli Blog Tour hosted by Rockstar Book Tours. Check out my post and make sure to enter the giveaway!

  About the Book:

Title: ON THE WAY TO BIRDLAND

Author: Frank Morelli

Pub. Date: June 8, 2021

Publisher: Fish Out of Water Books

Formats: Paperback, eBook

Pages: 300

Find it: Goodreads, Amazon, B&N, TBD, Bookshop.org

Self-proclaimed teenage philosopher Cordell Wheaton lives in a sleepy, southern town where nothing ever happens; not since his hero, jazz musician John Coltrane, left some seventy years earlier to “follow the sound.” Cordy’s life has been unraveling since the night his father and his brother, Travis, exploded on each other. The night Travis’s addiction transformed him from budding musician into something entirely different. The night Travis took his saxophone and disappeared. When Cordy’s father falls ill, the sixteen-year-old vows to reunite the Wheaton family. He embarks on a modern-day odyssey with forty bucks in his pocket and a dream to find his brother and convince him to be Travis again—by taking him to a show at Birdland Jazz Club in New York City, and reminding him of the common bonds they share with their legendary hero. Cordy’s journey is soon haunted by ghostly visions, traumatic dreams, and disembodied voices that echo through his mind. He starts to wonder if the voices are those of the fates, guiding him toward his destiny—or if he’s losing his grip on reality.

Praise for ON THE WAY TO BIRDLAND: “Engrossing story and sympathetic characters. Morelli…makes it worth the trip.”—Booklist

“With a haunting secret, a brave journey and fascinating characters, On the Way to Birdland will remind readers that when you take a giant step into the unfamiliar, you might just find yourself.” —Joelle Charbonneau, New York Times Best Selling author of VERIFY and DISCLOSE

“On the Way to Birdland is a work of tremendous heart.  It sings with the joys and pains of family, hope, and impossible dreams.  A must read for everyone trying to find their way back to what matters most.”—Adrienne Kisner, Author of DEAR RACHEL MADDOW, THE CONFUSION OF LAUREL GRAHAM, and SIX ANGRY GIRLS

“Listening to and believing in our fears keeps away from a life we wish for. On the Way to Birdland shows us what’s possible when we listen to something else.”—Angelo Surmelis, author of THE DANGEROUS ART OF BLENDING IN

“With balance, beats, and rhythm, this heartfelt coming-of-age story is bridged together like a Coltrane riff under Frank Morelli’s skillful hand. ON THE WAY TO BIRDLAND and its cast of diverse, fully fleshed-out characters are now included among My Favorite Things.” –Brenda Rufener, Author of SINCE WE LAST SPOKE and WHERE I LIVE

“A classic tale of choice and chance, with more twists than a Virginia mountain road, On the Way to Birdland is a guide to finding your true self by accepting that you are ‘completely destructible…desperate not to get destroyed.'” —Valerie Nieman, author of TO THE BONES and BACKWATER (Fitzroy, 2022)

Book Trailer:

Excerpt from On the Way to Birdland (Morelli p. 16-17)

 I grip the ragged laces of a baseball that’s been sitting on the desk  so long it has its own dust imprint. I remember tossing it for the first  time with Travis and his friends at the wide-open lot on the corner of Brookside Drive. Not too far from John Coltrane’s old house. Some don’t  know, but John Coltrane grew up right here in High Point. Travis and  I used to think it was the most exciting piece of news we’d ever heard.  I still do. When Dad delivered this news to Travis one morning at the  breakfast table, my brother saw it as an omen. He saw it as a miracle. He  saw it as God speaking directly to him. That he could take his musical  talents, because my brother was a musician—and I hope he still is—to  the top, even if the starting point was High Point, North Carolina. If John  Coltrane from Underhill Street could do it, why couldn’t Travis Wheaton? 

Some folks around here say Coltrane was the greatest saxophonist  who ever lived. Travis said he was more than that. He liked to use one  specific word to describe his hero, and he’d use it all the time. To Travis,  the words “John” and “Coltrane” were synonymous with the word  “visionary.” To Travis, they were one and the same. This was how Travis  turned me onto another of my great passions in life—Greek philosophy.  I doubt he’d ever remember it, because it’s not like learning philosophical  teachings were Travis’s thing. But he told me something once, about  Coltrane and his vision. About how the ancient philosopher, Plato,  believed the rhythm of music should follow the rhythms of a life that  is orderly and brave. Travis believed Coltrane was living out the purest  form of humanity in his music and that he’d dug deep down into the past  to find it and blow it out in sweet notes from the mouth of his sax. 

Travis believed that was what it meant to be a visionary, and that  always stuck with me. It made me hungry for more, so I became obsessed  with Greek philosophers, because I figured they had a better chance of  explaining Travis and Coltrane to me than anyone else. After all, it was  Plato who also said a musician is someone who is “temporarily engaged  in works of peace.” I like that. It’s how I like to see my brother, Travis. Not  like the way my father sees him. As a failure.

About Frank Morelli:

Frank Morelli is the author of the young adult novel, No Sad Songs (2018), a YALSA Quick Picks for Reluctant Readers nominee and winner of an American Fiction Award for best coming of age story. The first book in his debut middle grade series, Please Return To: Norbert M. Finkelstein (2019) is a Book Excellence Award finalist and provides young readers with a roadmap to end bullying. His fiction and essays have been featured in various publications including The Saturday Evening Post, Cobalt Review, Philadelphia Stories, and Highlights Magazine. A Philadelphia native, Morelli now resides in High Point, NC with a brilliant illustrator and his fur babies. Connect with him on Twitter @frankmoewriter and on Instagram @frankmorelliauthor.

Website | Twitter | Facebook | Instagram | Goodreads | Amazon

Giveaway Details:

3 winners will receive a finished copy of ON THE WAY TO BIRDLAND, US Only.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Tour Schedule:

Week One:

5/24/2021

Rockstar Book Tours

Kickoff Post

5/25/2021

Two Chicks on Books

Excerpt

5/26/2021

Jaime's World

Excerpt

5/27/2021

Jaimerockstarbooktours

Instagram Post

5/28/2021

YA Books Central

Guest Post

Week Two:

5/31/2021

Fire and Ice

Review 

6/1/2021

Living in a Bookworld

Guest Post

6/2/2021

Rajiv's Reviews

Review 

6/3/2021

@pagesofyellow

Review 

6/4/2021

@barbs_bookland

Review 

Week Three:

6/7/2021

Sj_bookshelf

Review 

6/8/2021

The Keysmash Blog

Review 

6/9/2021

Dorky Girl and Skeletor

Excerpt

6/10/2021

The Obsessed Reader

Excerpt

6/11/2021

Lady Hawkeye

Excerpt

Week Four:

6/14/2021

I'm Shelfish

Excerpt

6/15/2021

A Dream Within A Dream

Excerpt

6/16/2021

Satisfaction for Insatiable Readers

Guest Post

6/17/2021

For the Love of KidLit

Excerpt

6/18/2021

The Momma Spot

Excerpt

[daleisgreat]

Last Action Hero

Today’s entry will result in one of the quickest turnaround times of an older movie in my backlog box yet. A couple weeks ago I noticed Uproxx posted an article on how 1993’s Last Action Hero (trailer) was way ahead of its time (click or press here for the Uproxx piece). Once I noticed this story I tracked down a BluRay copy of it off Amazon and promptly watched it within 24 hours of its delivery. I did not read the Uproxx entry yet, but I will after I finish proofing this entry to prevent it from altering my current thoughts I am about to deliver and will post a little addendum at the end of this look back at Last Action Hero for some extra insight on how my take compares with Uproxx’s. I cannot remember how many times I watched Last Action Hero as a kid, but my gut tells me it may be near the double digits. Our family had the HBO and Starz movie channels as part of our cable package back then, and the way those channels primarily were programmed back then was a specific amount of newer and older movies were highlighted each month, and they would play each movie once every day or two to the best of my recollection. I remember being stoked for Last Action Hero. The turnaround time on movies from the theater back then in the early 90s was it would take about five to six months after the cinema release for a film to hit Pay-Per-View and home video. Several months later, or roughly a year after release it would hit the premium cable movie channels like HBO, Starz and Cinemax in their original form. Another year or two after that it would be available for local and basic cable channels, but usually in an edited and censored/FCC friendly format. Our family could only afford trips to the theater and video rentals so many times a year, so if we missed a movie in either of those formats and it wound up on HBO/Starz it was kind of a guilty pleasure in my childhood boredom days to pick an anticipated movie like Last Action Hero and watch it as many times as possible the first month it was available.

I have not seen it since then however when I was 11 and have not thought much about it since LAH is not as highly regarded as other Arnold Schwarzenegger classics even though it hit at the tail end of Arnold’s prime (which I consider to be from 1984’s original Terminator through 1994’s True Lies). When it hit theaters in 1993 I remember a ton of hype for it getting ubiquitous advertising and the requisite hot-summer-movie-licensed videogame and pinball table. The pinball table is part of the many licensed tables included in Pinball Arcade on PS4 which I also played a few rounds of before diving into the movie. In 1993 Arnold was the big name action star fresh off his Terminator 2 success. He also dabbled in the occasional comedy like Kindergarten Cop and Jingle All the Way. LAH marked Arnold’s first action comedy however. Schwarzenegger portrays big name action movie star ‘Jack Slater.’ Danny (Austin O’Brien) is Slater’s #1 fan on top of being a middle school film guru where he routinely cuts class to catch flicks at the local cinema where he is best friends with the old-timer projectionist there, Nick (Robert Prosky). Daniel is promised by Nick an after-hours exclusive showing of the wildly anticipated Jack Slater IV. To celebrate the special showing, Nick gives Danny a special ‘magical’ movie ticket that Nick states he got from legendary magician Houdini himself as a kid, but was too afraid to use it. Through cinema magic, the ticket activates and Danny is warped into the movie world of Jack Slater IV as his new reality when he winds up magically transported into the backseat of Slater’s ride in the middle of a cliché action movie car chase.

Danny is thrilled being immersed in an action movie world filled with the clichés and tropes of the genre that he gleefully points out and references past film lore to help Jack track down his latest bad guy. Slater has none of it and takes in Danny in for questioning. Slater’s over-the-top-gruffy captain, Dekker (Frank McRae) is impressed with Danny’s knowledge and makes him Slater’s new partner. Slater begrudgingly works together with Danny to track down Slater’s current most wanted baddie, Benedict (Charles Dance). The film unravels from there in a world jam-packed with the aforementioned clichés that Danny constantly breaks the fourth wall by showing off his action movie fandom by pointing out how all the women in this universe are hyper-sexualized, indulging Slater’s gratuitous one-liners, how Slater instantly pops up from battles unscathed and how the bad guy stereotypically monologues too long to give Slater a chance to make the heroic comeback. 11 year-old-Dale was the perfect target age for LAH when I first saw it in 1994. I experienced the filmed vicariously through Danny and I was right there with Danny for how wicked it would be to magically transport alongside your movie hero in his latest summer blockbuster and helping him bust bad guys and be in the middle of an extravagant chase scenes overstuffed with special effects. I think a big part of me held off forever re-watching this again because I dismissed LAH as a satire film over the years that I loved as a kid, but thought I thought I would outgrow over the years. After my recent re-watch however, I emerged surprised how wrong I was. Seeing it with a grown-up’s set of eyes significantly helped with a new understanding of filmmaking references and other off-color jokes that went right over my childhood head. I also got a whole new appreciation of the scene where Danny takes Slater to a video store in his universe to show him how awesome he is in Terminator 2 only to instead see in that world Sylvester Stallone landed the role.

Speaking of guest stars, the cameos are through the roof in LAH. There are some blink and you miss it surprise cameos, and then there are exponentially more in the final act where Danny takes Slater back into the ‘real’ world in time for the red carpet movie premiere of Jack Slater IV. The premiere sees the likes of Little Richard, MC Hammer, Jean Claude Van Damme and a few other recognizable celebrities of that era. Back in 1994 I was probably only lucky enough to recognize Van Damme from his role as Guile in the underappreciated Street Fighter, but reliving it again with a new set of eyes made that scene pop in a whole new way. Needless to say, Last Action Hero was a surprise delight to experience in 2020. If I had any nitpicks it is that it was not as brisk a watch as I recalled as it clocks in a little over two hours and I came out of it feeling they could have trimmed at least a good 10 minutes or so off. For as big a deal LAH was when it hit in 1993 it was a bit of a buzzkill to see the no-frills BluRay have a complete lack of extras. I would have loved all-star action movie director John McTiernan (Predator, the good Die Hard films) do a commentary track with Arnold and a few other bonus extras, but it regrettably was not meant to be. At least I have this Uproxx take I can now peruse that will have to suffice for a bonus of some degree…..

Alrighty, I just finished the Uproxx 27 years later take on LAH and we share a lot of similarities. Uproxx’s Mike Ryan thesis is that LAH was too meta and ahead of its time in 1993, but perfect for a 2020 viewing experience. I could not agree with him more, and he grinds out the little references and meta-details more eloquently than I can here, so I highly urge you all to give his editorial a perusal. One key takeaway from Ryan’s article on why Last Action Hero came and went back then was because it made the big time mistake of releasing one week after Jurassic Park. No wonder it is not brought up with other classic Arnold films over the years. I am right there with Ryan on how LAH is an absolute marvel of a film, and if it has slipped by you all these years later then now is the perfect time to watch it in these pandemic times with zero movies hitting theaters nowadays. 1993’s Last Action Hero is the ideal 2020 summer blockbuster! BONUS EXTRAS TO COMPENSATE FOR BLURAY’S ABSENCE OF ANY Click or press here to check out this awesomely through ‘Did You Know’ style breakdown of facts and backstage filming secrects from Mental Floss Here is an incredibly thorough two part oral history of LAH complete with interview excerpts from the cast and crew And I will leave you with Cinemassacre’s ‘Rental Review’ roundtable of Last Action Hero….

Other Random Backlog Movie Blogs 3 12 Angry Men (1957) 12 Rounds 3: Lockdown 21 Jump Street The Accountant Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie Atari: Game Over The Avengers: Age of Ultron The Avengers: Infinity War Batman: The Dark Knight Rises Batman: The Killing Joke Batman: Mask of the Phantasm Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice Bounty Hunters Cabin in the Woods Captain America: Civil War Captain America: The First Avenger Captain America: The Winter Soldier Christmas Eve Clash of the Titans (1981) Clint Eastwood 11-pack Special The Condemned 2 Countdown Creed I & II Deck the Halls Detroit Rock City Die Hard Dredd The Eliminators The Equalizer Dirty Work Faster Fast and Furious I-VIII Field of Dreams Fight Club The Fighter For Love of the Game Good Will Hunting Gravity Grunt: The Wrestling Movie Guardians of the Galaxy Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 Hell Comes to Frogtown Hercules: Reborn Hitman I Like to Hurt People Indiana Jones 1-4 Ink The Interrogation Interstellar Jay and Silent Bob Reboot Jobs Joy Ride 1-3 Major League Man of Steel Man on the Moon Man vs Snake Marine 3-6 Merry Friggin Christmas Metallica: Some Kind of Monster Mortal Kombat Mortal Kombat Legends: Scorpions Revenge National Treasure National Treasure: Book of Secrets Not for Resale Pulp Fiction The Replacements Reservoir Dogs Rocky I-VIII Running Films Part 1 Running Films Part 2 San Andreas ScoobyDoo Wrestlemania Mystery The Secret Life of Walter Mitty Shoot em Up Slacker Skyscraper Small Town Santa Steve Jobs Source Code Star Trek I-XIII Sully Take Me Home Tonight TMNT The Tooth Fairy 1 & 2 UHF Veronica Mars Vision Quest The War Wild Wonder Woman The Wrestler (2008) X-Men: Apocalypse X-Men: Days of Future Past

[writtenthroughtime]

Master Fanfiction List | July 2017

For those of you who have been asking me for my updated master list, ask and you shall receive!

Here is the Master List for all of my current completed and works in progress Fanfictions for Outlander.  All of my stories can be found on AO3 under the same name of WrittenThrough Time. I do NOT write about real people, so please don’t ask or expect to find those on here.

Enjoy!

My Blog Prompts

A Life Unseen - An AU, Frank cheats on Claire story. Frank cheats right before Claire falls through time and how her relationships/experiences will differ from the books since she doesn’t have that anchor of Frank trying to get back to. Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10

Mo Chridhe - Modern AU of Claire and Jamie’s lives Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12

Briste - Modern AU where Claire believes she is unlovable and will never find love. However, life doesn't always turn out the way she believes it will... Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13

The Crook Chronicles - My half is set for Mr. Crook Part 1, Mr. Crook Part , Mr. Crook Part 3, Mr. Crook Part 4 COMPLETE

@lenny9987 and I have paired up for this series and she has written Mrs. Crook Part 1,Mrs. Crook Part 2, Mrs. Crook Part 3, Mrs. Crook Part 4 COMPLETE

Endlessly - Story based on @gotham-ruaidh‘s Endless Loop Theory Part 2

For the Love of a Soldier - Also known as 1940s Claire and Jamie, it’s an AU set in the 1940s with Jamie a Scottish soldier and Claire a nurse meeting during WWII. Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8 COMPLETE

A Second Chance - Yet another AU where Claire goes back through the stones with Bree, 2 years after leaving the past before Culloden. Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Changing History - One shot AU where Jamie and Claire were successful in getting the Bonnie Prince to go back to Italy and not start the rebellion. Their experience after with a certain Captain of Dragoons. COMPLETE

Just a Man - Currently a one shot, but soon to be multi-post, from Jamie’s point of view. Current post is set (book world) right after the wedding when Claire faints. COMPLETE

25 Days of Outlander - Posts are tagged with 25 Days of Outlander, Gotham-ruiadh,& Lenny9987. There are a series of 25 “Favorites” that I’ve chosen to writeshort fanfictions based upon. Currently there are 11 posts for that particular set. Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 5, Day 6, Day 7, Day 8, Day 9, Day 10, Day 11

Claire’s Not a Fetch - Completed AU where Claire goes back and stops Jamie from marrying Laoghaire in Voyager. COMPLETE

The Sorcerer and the Stones - Master Raymond based story (currently complete. Future chapters possible) COMPLETE

A Flurry of Green and Red - Bree goes through the stones before Claire. deviation from Voyager Part 2 COMPLETE

Christmas Faith - Christmas themed one shots based with Faith Fraser as a main character. Alternate Christmas Faith    COMPLETE

Christmas on the Ridge - Fluffy Christmas day story COMPLETE

From One to Another - Frank has a child with another woman, abandoning Claire hours after giving birth to Brianna. COMPLETE

Ma Famille - Fluffy Fergus AU at Lallybroch with Claire & Jamie. COMPLETE

Mutually Beneficial Pleasure - Fic based on an image and the caption “Imagine him looking down at you like that.” SMUT COMPLETE

Untitled Ramblings - Meet cute for Jamie and Claire set in an unidentified Modern Universe. (completely separate from Mo Chridhe.) This fic could also be continued for now marked complete. Untitled Surprise COMPLETE

La Bibliotheque Parisinne - Modern standalone piece of Jamie and Claire in Paris. Smut for Smut’s Sake.SMUT COMPLETE

Forever and A Day… - Rewrite of DiA where Claire stays in the past. Written for @mybeautifuldecay

A Whole New World- JPOV s2ep13: Dragonfly in Amber AU

Scottish Sun - Sweet Jamie and Claire moment COMPLETE

Outlander Drabbles - Collection of Drabbles based in any setting of Outlander Wedding Night Drabbles, The Newsroom, Smut Drabble, Motorcyclist, Drunken Night, Obedience School, Anniversary Gift, Trouble, First Night Alone, Puppy Days, Walks, Ring Bearer, The Halloween Party, Happy Second Anniversary, Happy Halloween

Singin’ in the Rain - ONE SHOT: Roger and Bree moment on the Ridge.Book 9 setting SMUT COMPLETE

A Kiss a Day Keeps the Whores at Bay - Claire saves Jamie from Laoghaire COMPLETE

Life Drawing - This would totally be an AU fic but I would love to see Claire teaching a figure drawing class and Jamie being one of the students draws her.

Letters For Christmas - Secret Santa 2016 for @akb723. For Christmas Jamie writes a letter to his wife remembering different moments in their shared history.  Letter One - 1944 Letter Two - 1946 Letter Three - 1949 Letter Four - 1953 Letter Five - 1957 Letter Six - 1959 Letter Seven - 1969 COMPLETE

Prompts for Imagine

Always With Me - Imagine Jamie going all proud poppa mode with baby Faith if she had lived COMPLETE

Born Out of Time - Bree is sick in the 20th Century and Claire has to bring her back to the 18th Century to heal her. Part 2: I Need A Healer, Part 3: Return of the Red Man and Red Child COMPLETE

Main Du Chroi - Faith asks Jamie if Claire is really a faerie Part: 2 COMPLETE

The Darkness That Leads to Remembrance - Sir Fletcher allows Claire to see Jamie. (Endlessly Spin-Off) COMPLETE

The Steam Rises - The hot baths did win….for both of them. SMUT COMPLETE

Oidche Math - AU where Jamie has premonitions/dreams of his Sassenach before they meet in person. Part 2: Et Somniatores    COMPLETE

An Aching Wish - The stones failed the second time around and Claire goes to France. Chapter 2 COMPLETE

Lallybroch’s Newest Healer - Rewrite of Always With Me where Faith Lives and is NOT a dream. COMPLETE

There Can Only Be One (aka Legwhore Smackdown)- Claire goes back slightly earlier just before Jamie leaves for Edinburgh and he still lives with Laoghaire COMPLETE

Together in Paris - Life for the Frasers had they stayed in Paris instead of fighting in the uprising. (AU where Faith lives) Part 2: Older Brother, Older Sister, Part 3: La Petite Mort

Wanting to Be….A Daddy’s Girl - Fic about Brianna never bonding/having that fatherly relationship with Frank and her reaction when she finds out who her father really is. AU with wee Bree and Frank dies early, Part 2 COMPLETE (for now)

Petit Mircale - Multi-part rewrite of what I believe should have happened in ep. 207. *Spoiler Alert* FAITH LIVES. Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, & Part 5  COMPLETE

Neighboring Love - Set in the 18th Century. Young lovers Jamie and Claire. Prompt: So there’s this post on tumblr that’s like “the most beautiful man in the world lives in my building but every time I see him I’m a mess” and I was like OMG THIS NEEDS TO BE A FIC, so imagine Jamie and Claire in this situation. Part 2: 362 Days…, Part 3: Unwanted Affections, Part 4: Since the Very First Day, Part 5: Hidden Letters

Èirigh na Grèine - Set in the 18th Century where Bree is born and grows up then. Jamie talking to, showing, and explaining things to a baby Bree. Part 2  COMPLETE

Away with the Faeries -  In season 2 finale, Bree said Claire is always away with the faeries…Coult you do a prompt of instances of Bree at different ages like 5,9, 14 and 20where she notices Claire is far away (thinking about Jamie and such) and at those different ages what Bree thinks of her mother because thoughts change when you get older :)  COMPLETE

Of Innocents & Voyeurs - Imagine if Mary and/or Louise walked in on Jamie and Claire in the throws ;) SMUT COMPLETE

Sticky Fingers - #5 Claire catches a bairn in her surgery. (this is a multi-fic post where each of Imagine’s mods wrote a piece based on a list of prompts. You’ll find Stick Fingers as number 5 on the list) COMPLETE

Cruinne Malartach - Imagine there are stones that don’t send you through time but into alternative universes.

Owl Post - Imagine Bree explaining Harry Potter to Jamie. Gotham graciously let me borrow her Modern Glasgow world and add this little gem to the universe. Gotham’s Modern Glasgow

Tales From the Past - Claire and Uncle Lamb are folklorists and discover a Scottish Legend deep in the North Carolian Mountains Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV COMPLETE

Angel Baby - Anonymous submitted: Could you please write a prompt where little Bree asks Claire for a sister, Claire tells her about Faith but Frank overhears and confronts Claire? Thanks :) COMPLETE

Guardian Scotsman - What about a story about Claire as a child or a teenager and somehow gets raised by Murtagh?

Baking Disasters - Imagine Claire trying to be the perfect WI wife for her husband doing baking and crafts and gardening and she's kind of awful at it. Chapter 1, Chapter 2

A Shock to the System - Hi, could You write a Fic where Jamie managed to avoid Geneva´s blackmailing (that never happened) and later she met Frasers and SEE THEM TOGETHER (gladly with bairns)? Love to see Claire give her (G) a hard time – kill that little brat!!! COMPLETE

Separate Beds- "Do you wish for us to live separately?" What if Claire wasn't ready to forgive Jamie yet? How would he gain back her trust? COMPLETE

The Laird’s Foster - Because I am missing my favorite characters of late, can I get some Roger and Bree story? I'd like to see the evolution of them falling in love with each other. Too much? Anything from you will do. Pretty please? Thank you!

On the Road - Could you do an story where Claire and Jamie return to Castle Leoch before going to the colonies. Bonus points for one where Jamie never married Laogherie :) (up to you!!) COMPLETE

In the Eye of the Beholder - Using a mirror, Bree paints a picture of her and William together and they give it to Jamie for his birthday. Jamie is so touched he tells them a dream he had in the cave of the two of them playing together. COMPLETE

The Arrangement - Christmas Special with @mybeautifuldecay  This little fic is a combined work from both of us with no chapter separation or author separation. We wrote this in tandem, inspiring one another as we went. We hope you will enjoy this Christmas Wedding Bells edition of The Arrangement!

The French Frasers - Imagine a French family (couple, kids and a granny) arriving to the Ridge. They recognised the gran as Suzette, the Paris maid and making counts about her son age they noticed he could be also Murtagh's son. COMPLETE (for now)

Maman’s Boy - Fergus making his way from the battlefield, just wanting to see Claire and Jamie. He realizes that he thinks of them as his parents. COMPLETE

Drunken Nights - Write a scene where Jamie returns home in Paris, completely drunk and the effort Claire has to put in just to get him into bed with him fighting all the way because he wants his Sassenach. COMPLETE

SAWNY -  Jamie's first meeting with Fergus in the tv show where you find out he's the one who took Sawny so I thought a story about Jamie actually giving it to him either just before Culloden or before he arranges to get himself arrested would be really nice. COMPLETE

With Unseeing Eyes - What if someone had told Claire that Jamie was in love with her when she was first staying at Leoch? Chapter 1, Chapter 2   COMPLETE

The Cat’s Delight - Drabble on Imagine for the 2nd Anniversary of the Wedding Episode. COMPLETE

The Historian, the Healer and the Warrior - Imagine Frank had already remarried when Claire came back.

[winstonhcomedy]

Fredericksburg Feels

Well I don’t really know where to start. Not just this post, but start this blog. I’ve had it a month and have been putting off writing in it every day. I’m not the best writer, but the only way to get better is to do it more so here I am. I was waiting for a good idea to pop in my head, so I could make a splash and hit the ground running. It didn’t happen.

What did happen was i got on Facebook today and saw some shitty news. Not the normal shitty news that affects the nation like a hurricane, a school shooting, or an election, but the kind of shitty news that affects a select few. The news I read was Liberty Center in Fredericksburg, VA has been sold and will be closing down January 1st 2018. 

Now you might want to know why a bowling alley located in a city two hours away from me closing is a big deal. Well the thing is that above that bowling alley, tucked away behind closed doors is Liberty Laughs comedy club. Yes that’s right comedy above a bowling alley. 

I love that room. I really do. It’s a real club. That feels like it was plucked right out of the 1980′s. Just a well kept secret above a bowling alley like some kind of white trash Anne Frank. Where instead of writing a journal she’s writing a setlist of dick jokes to try to win over drunk townies on a Friday night with nowhere else to go.

My first set there was for a contest. I had been doing comedy all of 2 months and was asked by Kenny Wingle to come up and be a part of it because he was desperate (i’m projecting but yea I’m going to go with desperate). I hadn’t met a ton of comics at this point because I didn’t live in the city and was new. It is 5 minutes before showtime and 2 people are there. A young couple on a date (she was dressed way too nice to be there). Kenny asked us if we wanted to all split the prize money and still compete but have fun. We all agreed. Right after that people started to filter in and we finished with about 15 to 20 people who were there for comedy. 

Now it doesn’t matter who won the contest (I know who did), and it doesn’t matter what terrible FB/Dating jokes I did (I still do them). What matters is this. That was the night I met people who are great comics and even better friends. That was the night I met Brandon Beswick (who is a great comic and whomade my website winstonhodges.com), Travis Carl (a dope comic who runs Clash at the Virginia Beach FunnyBone), Kenny Wingle (a super dope dude, funny guy, and all around super fun hang), and others (Brandon Moore, Jody Allen, Troy Robinson) After the show they had an open mic so we even got to go up IN A CLUB and eat a dick twice in one night. A YOUNG COMIC’S DREAMMMMM!!!!

The next time I performed there I was asked last minute by Kenny Wingle (starting to see a pattern) if I could do 10 minutes opening for Chris Keyser (a really great guy) at his dvd release. Chris was doing booking there at the time and the release was a great show. Chris gave me a copy of his dvd for free (he overcharged me), and was very complimentary. He told me he had to get me in soon and we were going to line some stuff up. I was on top of the world.

Chris quit shortly after that.

I wouldn’t perform there for a long time afterwards. Not until Troy Robinson (generous dude, and a great booker) reached out and started giving me spots. I got to open for some dope people and got to have my first feature set in a club there because of him and I won’t ever forget that.  

Not all comedy memories are great memories. I had the single worst set of my life at Liberty Laughs. I stand by that to this day. I have never bombed harder in my life and I don’t know if it is even possible to. 

The new dude doing booking Bryan Siegel had a message out that he was looking for younger comics to come and audition to see if they’d be a good fit for some hosting work. So I signed up. The week of the showcase I got a sinus infection and thought about not going. I could barely standup or breathe but I figured my stage health would kick in and I’ll be set. So the day of I road up with my friend Paige Campbell (so damn funny) ready to murder. I assumed this would be a typical showcase, where everybody does 7 to 10 in front of a paying audience to get a good gauge of where we were as comics. 

I WAS FUCKING WRONG.

It was me and the other 10 comics from Richmond/Charlottesville area in a huge room doing our sets just for Bryan. That’s right 10 comics doing our “best” 5 minutes in front of a room of people who were not only competing with for stage time, but also had heard our “best” 5 minutes 100 times at this point. 

“But he at least sat in the front and paid close attention to the idiosyncrasies of yall’s comedy right?” 

FUCK NO

He sat in the back and played what I can only assume to be candy crush as we each went up and bombed. I went like 8th, and it felt like for the previous hour I had just been watching all of my friends get executed one by one. Like a conveyor belt but instead of assembling parts, it was dissembling dreams.

I go up and proceed to sweat/flounder/die on stage for 7 minutes. Praying for a small light from Bryan’s cell phone. The only thing I heard over the deafening silence was Bryan ordering chicken tenders from the poor waiter who had to work that shift anyway.

The last person to go up is my mentor Chris Alan (everything he does is great). Mentor is a weird word but it is what it is. I was less than a year in and Chris who has been doing it almost a decade took the time to not only answer questions and give critiques but actually look out for me and be a real friend. I will never forget that (unless I get bigger than him, then yea I’ll forget that). 

I watched Chris murder for 10 minutes. he did one joke after 9 minutes of shitting on the situation we were all in. Chris did some other things that night that I respect more than anything but won’t post on here. He's a great comic and a real pro.

After the show Chris told me, “Shit like this doesn’t matter, you were set up to fail. So fuck it.” He was right and it shifted my approach to material/crowd work ever since.

The shows since then I’ve gotten thanks to Troy Robinson have all been super fun. I have grown as a comic because of that club. This is an audience that doesn’t want to be preached to, or want to know how smart you are. They live in fucking Fredericksburg they just want to laugh. So that’s what I aimed for every time. I just wanted people to laugh. This is a great workout room, to cut your teeth, grind it out, and see if you’re cut out to work a club.

I have on more show there. I didn’t know it’d be my last. It is Friday December 22nd at 8 pm. If you’ve made it this far I hope you come out to it. It’s going to be bittersweet. I’m on the show with some of my best friends and funniest people I know Von Michael (757 by way of 804 comic) Keith Marcell (beast on stage) and Dylan Vattelana (hard working comic who is finally out on the road where he belongs). 

It will be a bittersweet night, but I’m glad I get one last set to say goodbye to the stage where I got to feature first, and where I ate the fattest dick of all time on. Liberty Laughs you will not be forgotten.