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tom-whore-dleston · 2 years

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Coffee and Confessions

Pairing: !Professor Xu Shangqi x !college f. reader

Genre: Fluff (lime)

Warnings: professor x student/TA relationship, elements of slow burn, mutual pining, sfw teasing, reader plays footsies with Shangqi, making out, confessions, suggestiveness, preludes to smut

Summary: You start off your winter break with your favorite professor.

Word Count: 2.9k

Beta Read: @cyborg-cinderella - thank you bestie Ilysm 😘

Notes: This fic is my submission for @tonystarksfavoritedaughter‘s 1 year writing challenge. I chose the quote: “Your lips taste like strawberries.” Congrats Hailey on the milestone! I’m so proud of you 💕 sorry for posting it past the deadline, but I hope you love it 🥺 Although no 18+ warnings are present, my blog is still 18+ so PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT IF YOU ARE NOT 18+! Otherwise you will be blocked! Remember to reblog and comment if you enjoyed what you read 😊

It was finally winter break. Everyone around you was packing their bags to return to their hometown or planning vacations to extravagant places the world had to offer. Everyone except for you.

You didn’t have much awaiting you in your hometown. All the people you grew up with essentially got up and left after graduating high school and never looked back. On top of that, your family decided to make plans without you and were expected to return home on Christmas Day. That is, if everything goes well for their flight back home, and you could only hope that the weather conditions were safe to travel in. So you were left with no choice but to hold down the apartment you shared with your roommates.

Once your roommates left you with the apartment, you sighed in relief and plopped down on the couch. You stared at the ceiling for a few moments before deciding to flip on the TV. You were only able to squeeze in a few episodes of the show you were binging before boredom washed over you. Then, you decided to follow an at-home workout video. By the time you finished exercising, you were still bored out of your mind.

The rest of the day revolved around ordering takeout and starting a new show to binge watch. In the middle of watching one episode, your phone chimed to signal you received a text. You grabbed your phone from under the blanket and turned it on. It would be an understatement to say that you were shocked by who sent you the text.

“Good evening,

I hope you are doing well and are receiving the rest you deserve after all your hard work this semester. I know this may seem out of the blue, but there is a pressing issue that I would like to discuss with you in person. Would it be possible to meet you at the cafe on Lime & Lemon St tomorrow morning at 10am? If not, perfectly fine. We can talk over email if you prefer. Please let me know as soon as possible. Thank you and have a wonderful night!

Professor Shangqi”

You lost track of the times you read the text from Professor Shangqi. Your face warmed up and your palms persparated. The professor you had been crushing on the whole semester is requesting to meet up with you outside of school. The smile on your face was as wide as the Cheshire Cat. Then, you suddenly frowned.

What if he wanted to meet up with you because you failed his class? What if he caught on to your crush on him and was going to confront you about it? Your mind was racing with thoughts and you didn’t know if you should cry or throw up or pretend you never received the text and call it a night.

“No,” you exclaimed out loud to yourself. “I should reply. It’d be rude of me not to.” And so, you sent out a quick reply and sent it without thinking twice.

“Hi Professor!

Yes, I can meet with you at that time. I hope that everything is okay on your end. I look forward to meeting with you.”

Time couldn’t move any slower as you waited to hear back from Shangqi. When your phone dinged again, you opened up your messages within a second of receiving the notification.

“Oh, everything is fine. I promise. Just wanted to ask you something that I prefer doing in person. Can’t wait to see you :)”

Now, you were back to smiling and biting your lip. Your fingers danced across your phone screen as you wrote one last message to him.

“Sounds good! I will see you tomorrow. Goodnight professor :)”

Rolling onto your belly, you screamed into the pillow that you were lying down on. You had to pinch yourself in case you were dreaming. Before you knocked out, you read over the text thread, excited you will be getting coffee with the professor you had developed a deep admiration for.

The next morning, you sat in your car, glancing at your reflection in the tiny mirror above you. Your palms were sweaty against your phone as you checked the time.

9:59am

You started to hyperventilate, considering how close it was to the time you were expected to meet Shangqi. Normally, you were perfectly calm and collected around Shangqi. Yet now, you were on the verge of vomiting because of how nervous you were about going out with him. Was this even considered a date? No. Just a student and professor having a casual business meeting. Right?

Your thoughts were interrupted by the sound of another car pulling into the parking space next to you. You almost yelped when you realized the driver was your professor. As Shangqi turned off the ignition and stepped outside, you took some deep breaths to steady your racing heart beat. When you finally got out of your car, Shangqi glanced in your direction and flashed a sweet smile.

“Hey!” Shangqi called out, sauntering towards you. “Good to see you again.”

“Yeah, likewise,” you responded. You gave him a firm handshake like how you always did when you saw each other. Except this time, the handshake lingered a little too long for it to be professional. You both lightly giggled before anchoring your hands down and brushing fingers.

“Shall we?”

“Yes, let’s go in.” You walked alongside Shangqi until he rushed to open the door for you. A laugh erupted from your belly as you thanked him for the gesture, entering the coffee shop. As you hopped in line, Shangqi briefly glanced down at your backside before following you. He was grateful that you hadn’t turned around, otherwise he would’ve been in for it. Little did he know, you had hoped that he would look at you the way you did with him.

“Lemme guess, you’re gonna order the matcha lavender latte,” Shangqi playfully taunted as you peered up at the menu. You pretended to act offended even though deep down, you were flattered he memorized your favorite coffee drink. Yeah, it technically wasn’t coffee, but it was better than the boring Americanos your professor always drank.

“Of course, I am! Remember, every time I go to a new coffee shop, I have to order their matcha to compare between shops.” Shangqi beamed at how your face glowed while you spoke. “And if I were to guess, you are gonna get your tasteless Americano?” Shangqi adjusted his glasses and turned back to the menu.

“Actually, I think I’ll get the same thing as you. It must be worth the hype if you’re always ordering it. And I’ll have you know, dear, that Americanos are not tasteless.” Your head whipped around when he called you dear. You weren’t sure how you could possibly respond to that without wanting to yank him towards you and kiss him. But the way his eyes met yours made you even more tempted to do so.

“Next in line, please!” A loud voice projected from behind the counter. You both whipped your heads in the direction of the barista, waiting for you to approach the counter. Shangqi made way for you to stroll towards the counter first. Nodding towards him, you proceeded to the counter, reciting your typical coffee order to the barista. He punched the buttons on the screen, waiting for you all to conclude your order. Shangqi came up behind you, lightly cupping your mid back. The unexpected movement sent chills up your spine and your cheeks burned hot enough to keep you toasty in this cold weather.

Shangqi angled towards you. “Make those two matcha lavender lattes.” You simpered, cocking your head towards him. The barista, unbothered by the exchange occurring in front of him, tapped away at the screen.

“Would you like to try any of our pastries or…” his voice dragged out as you scanned the menu.

“The strawberry crepe sounds pretty good,” you mentioned to the barista.

“And I’ll have the chocolate croissant,” Shangqi jumped in. The barista gave the total cost of the order, and as you dug through your bag for your wallet, the professor handed the barista his credit card.

“Wait, I could’ve-”

“No need for that. Besides, I’m the one who invited you here, right?” You nodded in agreement, allowing him to pay for the order. Then, you both waited to the side counter, standing so close that your arms bumped in unison. Without acknowledging the closeness, you both smiled to yourselves, glancing at the ground.

After receiving your orders, you both settled into a cozy corner of the cafe. Shangqi rubbed his hands together to keep warm while you bit into the strawberry that sat atop the crepe. He stared at your lips as they puckered around the strawberry, his mind wandering to the dark depths that he only visited at night. You swallowed the fruit as he chewed on the inside of his cheek. In the blink of an eye, your professor steered himself back on track.

“So you’re probably wondering why I invited you to coffee.”

You shrugged with a small smirk. “Just a bit curious.”

Shangqi laughed, “So the reason I asked you here is because…” He twirled the cup around on the table as if the right words would magically appear. Well this may not be a surprise to you, but you were my best student. In fact, you received the highest grade out of all of my students.”

You gulped on the lump in your throat, beads of sweat forming on your palms. As much as you wanted to make eye contact while he spoke to you, your nerves got the best of you. Just the sheer thought of looking into his beautiful brown eyes would make you faint.

“I wanted to know if you would be interested in being my TA for the spring?” The muscles in Shangqi’s body tensed while he waited for your response. He relaxed when he saw the twinkle in your eyes. You were smiling so hard you had to hide behind your hand. Moments later, you nodded your head repetitively.

“Yes!” Your cheeks were sore from grinning. “Oh my gosh, yes! Wow, I am truly honored, Professor. Thank you so much!”

Shangqi sighed in relief and raised his cup towards you. “To the fall semester. And now, onto spring semester.” You tapped your cup with his and then simultaneously sipped your drinks. It was refreshing to hear only good news coming from your professor. You hummed happily thinking about how you get to spend more time with him.

Further into the coffee date, you noticed a shift in Shangqi. While you made small talk, he would eye your lips and lick his own. Was it a coincidence that he did that? Were you imagining things? Was he coming onto you? You assumed that you were overthinking everything, yet his every little move made your skin heat up.

Feeling bold, you grazed your foot against Shangqi to test how he would react to it. He didn’t seem phased by it until your foot crept up his leg. His jaw clenched in surprise and he removed his glasses to clean the lens. His imagination still ran wild as you slowly trailed your foot in between his calves.

Perfect. You got him.

To tease him more, you seductively ate the strawberry crepe that you had almost forgotten. You shut your eyes and moaned as the sweet treat hit your tastebuds. Something in Shangqi stirred as your innocent moans filled his ears and he gulped down another swig of his drink. Anything to distract himself from his mind diving deeper into that forbidden place. Meanwhile, you hid your smirk, knowing that you managed to get under your professor’s skin. In a good way, of course.

This continued until everyone in the cafe left for closing. You both took your time leaving the cafe. While Shangqi slid the crumbs off the table with a napkin, you took your time grabbing your bag behind you. It was really obvious that neither of you wanted to leave. Even the tired baristas picked up on you and Shangqi trying to prolong your date.

“Well, that was nice,” you announced once you finally exited the cafe. A wave of sadness washed over you, realizing you won’t be seeing your favorite professor for over a month.

“Yeah, it was a nice date,” Shangqi added, causing your heart to skip a beat. You smiled timidly at him. As much as you wanted to question him about it being a date, you didn’t want to pry. You were appreciative to have spent quality time with him before spending a lonely winter break at your apartment.

“Thank you, by the way,” you began. “For today. Actually, the whole semester. Out of all the professors that I’ve had, you’re my favorite. I can’t wait to be your TA.” Shangqi smiled at you, soaking up your kind words. You reached your hand out, waiting for him to shake it.

“I think we’re past handshakes now.” You lowered your hand slowly. “You’re gonna be my TA so we can be a bit more casual, don’t you think?” You snickered. Shangqi extended his arms and wrapped them around you when you closed the space between you two. You felt secure. You felt home. And you didn’t want to let go of that feeling. Neither did Shangqi.

Your professor pulled away just enough to look into your eyes longingly. The mixture of the nippy air and his comforting embrace caused goosebumps to form on your uncovered skin. His gaze moved down to your lips and his breath decelerated. Then, your voice snapped him back to the present.

“You know something, Professor?” Shangqi’s face plastered with perplexity. “I know you have been staring at my lips the moment we stepped in the cafe.” Shangqi tried to deny you but just ended up tripping over his words. He grew more nervous as he defended himself. It made you titter how the professor that always had a way with words became a blabbing mess over you.

“You can kiss me if you want.”

Shangqi chuckled at your forwardness, but proceeded to move his hands to your face. His rough hands cradled your jawline before leaning in to press his lips on yours. Your heart violently thumped against your chest and your stomach twisted as your lips danced to a beat that felt so familiar. After what felt like a lifetime, he pulled away for fresh air.

Shangqi was awestruck. By you, the kiss…by everything. All he could utter was, “Your lips taste like strawberries.” Yet, he still brought you to a fit of giggles.

“It was the-”

“The crepes. Yeah, I remember.” Like a pair of magnets, your lips were stuck on his again. His thumbs smoothed over your cheeks as you tugged on his winter coat. Your tongues almost simultaneously slipped into each other’s mouths, causing you to gasp as he explored the inside of your mouth. The bitter taste of coffee mixed with the sweetness of the pastry danced along your tastebuds. You craved to memorize the taste of his tongue, to have his lips imprinted on your body.

“Shangqi,” you stammered, as the kiss died on your lips. “I really like you. I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help it.” Now that you finally admitted your feelings for him, you wanted to burst into tears. Your head started to drop, but your professor tilted it back so you could gaze into his brown eyes.

“I really like you too.” Shangqi swiped your hair out of your face so he could bask in all your beauty. He sighed in joy, “God, it feels so good to say it. I have felt things for you ever since the first day. I never thought I would adore someone the way I adore you.” He sniffled, unsure if it was the tears he was fighting back or the cold winter catching up to him. “But, here we are. I’m not ashamed to admit how much I really like you.”

What started off as a short peck turned into another passionate kiss. You felt his lips form into a smile against your own. He nuzzled his nose against yours, causing you to snort quietly. A sound that Shangqi secretly loved.

“I don’t want you to go now. I wish we had more time together.” Shangqi caressed you as if it would be the last time he would ever be able to. A lightbulb in your head abruptly lit up when you remembered that you were basically spending all of winter break alone in your apartment. Perhaps, Shangqi could keep you company.

“My roommates are back home and I have the apartment to myself if you want to come over.”

Shangqi perked up. “Yeah I like that. Just text me the address and I’ll meet you there.” You nodded happily before he kissed you one more time. Both of you locked eyes before heading to your cars. You shared one last subtle laugh before easing your ways into your cars. The shape of his lips still lingered on yours, and you couldn’t wait to touch them again.

Now, you finally had something to look forward to during winter break. More appropriately, someone to look forward to.

Navigation | Main Masterlist | Xu Shangqi/Shang-Chi Masterlist | Teach Me Tonight AU

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#Hailey's1yrwc #teach me tonight au #professor!shangqi #professor!shang chi #xu shang chi #xu shangqi #shang chi #shangqi x reader #shang chi x reader #shangqi imagine #shang chi imagine #shangqi fic #shang chi fic #shangqi oneshot #shang chi oneshot #shang chi fluff #shang chi fanfiction

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ceratonia-siliqua · 4 years

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Update about Sweeter Than Sugar and the Ru Situation

The original text for this update is pulled from the ao3 post on Sweeter Than Sugar I made. This original is here in order to both update those on tumblr and so I have a physical record that can not be tampered with as proof of my words on the subject. This post is fine to reblog if you feel the need to spread it but I stand firmly behind no hate being sent to anyone involved whether or not they were named here. Anyone vying for a fight will be blocked.

I would like to start off by saying that I hope this doesn't get deleted as I cannot remove Ru as a co-author for my end. Secondly, I would like to apologize to anyone who has been worried about Ru.

I found out in early December that my former co-author and friend was lying about being sick, what was going on, and other things that are private at this time. I am deeply sorry to anyone who was stressed by this situation. I know that it was not anywhere near as big of a deal on here as it was on Tumblr but I feel responsible for not seeing red flags sooner and stopping this situation before it began.

I am struggling over what I should do with this fic. While neither Ru nor the supposed family member I was in contact with has surfaced since about December 7th-ish, I have no idea if she will return to Ao3 or Tumblr. I imagine not given it would require explaining what happened and why she has cut contact with me. I did try to address the situation in an adult and unjudgmental manner but given I haven't heard a peep in over a month I am going to assume she has chosen to wash her hands of all of this and disappear. I am hesitant over continuing the story only because she still has access to it all. I would like to round it out, maybe post an update or two before concluding, but I don't want things poked at in a way that would hinder all of you from reading and enjoying the story as it is. I would be happy to take suggestions on what to do here as I don't want to leave you all with an unfinished fic.

I ask that you not attempt to contact Ru. I do not want anything hateful going towards her. Yes, I have sufficient evidence to know the illness was not real but I will not be publicly sharing these details because I do still believe that she deserves her right to privacy. Much of it contains things such as phone numbers and pictures. I have reason to believe she may have lied about being of age so I especially do not want anyone harassing a minor for any reason or having their safety put at risk.

I wish I could tell you what the motive to lie was. I believe it may have just been that she wanted out and had no idea how to do so. That does not make it right but it is the best explanation I can offer.

I am sorry I waited over a month to say anything. I was in an extremely fragile place emotionally up until recently and even then I still have difficult days. Ru, or at least who I thought was Ru, was someone I considered my best friend. Ru was someone I placed as the most important person in my life. Being jerked around and told she was dying and even that she had to resuscitated twice within a week, was an emotionally damaging and deeply upsetting experience. I am coming out of a very, very dark place and I am still dealing with and processing the last ten months as a whole. I am deeply thankful for the people I have met since discovering what was going on, I do not think I would be here right now without their unconditional love and support. I can never repay their kindness and patience, I only hope that I can one day pay it forward.

If you made it this far into the message, thank you for hearing me out on all this. I know many of you were Ru's fans before mine and I am sorry I could not give you all good news on this. I do regret the time I spent creating stories with Ru, I only regret how it ended. I hope all of you are safe and taking care of yourselves. I understand if you would like to walk away from this fic after this. I just felt you were all owed an explanation. I do not want to continue much of this conversation to be honest. I would like to looj towards a better future after everything. Ultimately, I am not mad at Ru, I'm just hurt. You do not have to follow my lead in this but I thought I should at least make that clear from my end.

Thank you for your time and your support. I hope someday soon I can bring this fic to a satisfying end for all of you.

#cera ramblings #siliqua writes #starker #winterspider #send-me-your-hcs

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a-sky-of-diamonds · 3 years

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I posted 1,747 times in 2021

113 posts created (6%)

1634 posts reblogged (94%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 14.5 posts.

I added 249 tags in 2021

#last life spoilers - 73 posts

#last life smp - 54 posts

#3rd life smp - 23 posts

#skye.originals - 21 posts

#grian - 17 posts

#queue - 15 posts

#third life - 12 posts

#mcc - 12 posts

#martyn inthelittlewood - 12 posts

#hermitcraft - 10 posts

Longest Tag: 133 characters

#i actually thought he was older than that because i remember watching his videos ages ago and was like ‘woah he was that young then?’

My Top Posts in 2021

The Last Life server sits in a void.

Oh, the members think there’s a world outside. That the border is just something else that’s cruel, a boundary separating them from the freedom of the outside world. But those who cross it take damage. Those who cross it can’t break any blocks outside.

Because there are no blocks to break.

The illusion holds for a while outside the world. The members dismiss the damage as a sign they shouldn’t be there, and the absence of block breaking and interacting with others as a glitch that comes from wandering too far. For a while, the ground holds up, the landscape changes, the white clouds pass in a light blue sky. Nobody has ventured far enough to fall through.

If they could go further, they’d see the world around them to start to repeat itself every chunk — the same trees, the same grass, over and over again — then the same block, then the same pixel, until the ground is a flat, monotonous green that may stop existing any second. The sky would fade to black, followed by the world itself. They’d die long before that, of course, so the lie still holds up, but it’s there.

In a way, it is another cruelty of the world.

And in a way, venturing out there is still the only chance they have at freedom.

325 notes • Posted 2021-10-27 17:18:51 GMT

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Scar and Pizza vs Scar and Yellow Snow

389 notes • Posted 2021-10-05 21:51:42 GMT

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Martyn not telling the Southlands Crew how many lives he has when asked vs him telling Ren unprompted

444 notes • Posted 2021-09-29 20:16:22 GMT

Thank you, CCs, for this amazing series. If there’s one thing I know about this fandom, it’s that everyone loves it and is so thankful to all of you for providing us with this. There’s been so much drama and excitement and suspense — I can’t described how jittery I am on Tuesday afternoon where the new episodes come out, and that can only be achieved by something I’m very invested in. Thank you for brightening the experience with every single word and every single action, and every single thing you do after the session to make sure the episode is edited and entertaining, and that it comes out on time. There’s so, so much to do, so thank you.

Thank you, every single fan out there, for making us all more hyped by discussing your thoughts, and for building on the series to add so much writing and art and analyses and everything else. It’s made this experience so much more exciting and interactive, because there are so many people I can talk to it about.

And well played, Scott.

( @pearlescentmoo @inthelittlewood @scott’s-secret-tumblr-account-wherever-you-are — this goes out to you.)

483 notes • Posted 2021-11-16 17:49:01 GMT

How is Grian still alive how is Grian still alive

Grian, who’s interacted with the Reds at nearly every possible opportunity. Grian, a yellow name, who people would have the incentive to kill because it means he might join them.

TWICE now, in the same session, he’s gone and faced two Reds alone of his own accord, twice now he’s managed to get out of the situation unscathed with nothing but his words and reputation, twice now he’s managed to twist the situation to his own ends while having no power whatsoever — throughout the entire thing he was right in the midst of all the action and has had several attempts on his life and he hasn’t died yet-

What is Grian. What even is Grian. How even is Grian.

If anyone was wondering how he won Third Life, this is why.

546 notes • Posted 2021-10-26 20:49:26 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #heh look at my top post it's just me brainrotting #how it got so many notes i have nooo idea

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finnickodaiir · 3 years

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TUMBLR TAG GAME

Thanks for the tag, @natasharomanovf!

1) Why did you choose your url? Will is my fave and I wanted a canon url and this one was available.

2) Any sideblogs? One to save an old url and I'm also a member of 3 source blogs (stedits, dailyhpgifs and television).

3) How long have you been on Tumblr? Since late May/early June 2019

4) Do you have a queue tag? Does tagging your queued posts with #q counts?

5) Why did you start this blog? I was really into ST and It (and a bunch of other stuff), so I wanted to find ppl who were also interested in those things.

6) Why did you choose your icon? It tends to change on a weekly basis, but I'm using this one because I'm rewatching TUA and bc Allison is my favorite character on the show.

7) Why did you choose your header? Because the coloring matches the color of the font I picked for my description and bc purple is Will's color.

8) What's your post with the most notes? This HP set (it was before I switched to screencaps and it was a 1.5GB copy so it's kinda blurry)

9) How many mutuals do you have? At least 600.

10) How many followers do you have? 736 (love every single one of you)

11) How many people do you follow? 849

12) Have you ever made a shitpost? Yes, on a daily basis.

13) How often do you use Tumblr a day? At least like 4 hours a day.

14) Did you ever get into a fight with another blog? Once or twice, but usually I tend to just block ppl who try to start shit.

15) How do you feel about the "you need to reblog this" posts? I don't really mind them, but they get a little annoying.

16) Do you like tag games? Yes, but I usually forget to do them.

17) Do you like ask games? I do!

18) Which of your mutuals do you think it's Tumblr famous? I'm guessing @natasharomanovf and @andromedaa-tonks

19) Do you have a crush on a mutual? No, but I like and appreciate all of them

Tagging: @mikewheelerc, @bylerrights, @bowtiescarves, @thepragmaticrebel, @mickymilkovich and @samdeena

#jake talks #tag games

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narumi-gens · 4 years

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hi!! so i just started writing fanfics, and i was just wondering -- how do you deal w/ numbers and the whole posting online thing? while i know that i should be writing for fun and stuff (bc it is!) and that im literally JUST starting out, BUT i just.. im someone who really heavily relies on validation, and when people don't really respond to my works well (or at all), i kinda just.. feel bad ): idk.. do u have any tips?

🥺 You came to me for advice on this, anon? 🥺 Thank you so much! I’m more than happy to pass on what I’ve learned and help out a new writer. I’ve been reading/writing fanfics on-and-off in some form or another for like ten years, but especially over the last four and am happy to share some tips. There are five main things that I think can help grow your follower count and the amount of feedback you get:

Don’t feel bad about wanting validation.

Consider the platforms where you post.

Write for active fandoms and popular characters.

Post frequently.

Interact with other authors.

This got rather long so I have more info under the cut about each of these.

1. Don’t feel bad about wanting validation.

There’s this dumb trap that we all fall into as writers that tells us that validation isn’t important and that what matters most is our love of writing. While I enjoy writing, if my stuff got no notes and no feedback then I would definitely have gotten discouraged and quit writing awhile ago. Why would I put all that effort into something if no one seems to appreciate it? There’s nothing bad about wanting people to let you know they like your writing! I get so happy when I see someone left a comment on one of my fics or went crazy in the tags or sent me an ask. And when something doesn’t get any feedback, I get depressed about it and second guess whether I should have bothered writing it. So, definitely try not to get caught up feeling bad because you want people to tell you that they liked your work. 💕

2. Consider the platforms where you post.

I only use AO3 and Tumblr, so I can’t speak to any other platforms, but posting my writing on both of these are widely different experiences. Part of the culture of AO3 is giving kudos and leaving comments, so you’re more likely to get feedback there than anywhere else. I slowly built a following on Tumblr because of my AO3, even when I wasn’t posting anything on Tumblr itself. I would really recommend checking out AO3 if you’re not already on there! You do need to request an invitation, but it only took me a couple of days to receive one. I also have 8 invitations that I haven’t sent out, so DM me if you want one and I can give you one!

I’m sure you’ve already seen posts about this, but the unfortunate thing about writing on Tumblr is that the feedback is absolutely minuscule and I’m not sure why. There’s this awful culture on this platform of people only liking content and not reblogging it to make sure it gets shared with other users. So, you end up really reliant on your own followers and the tagging system for your works to reach people. And the tagging system is a mixed bag. Sometimes your posts don’t show up in the tags or they will but only after a couple of days. If your post gets enough notes then it might go to the top of the search feed but then only for a few days at most.

As a sidenote to readers, this is why reblogging is so important! Even if you only have five followers or don’t leave a comment, just reblogging it means a lot to content creators!

Here are some of the tips I have for the mechanics of Tumblr:

Use the tagging system, as imperfect as it is. I think Tumblr now reads the first 20 tags in your post, so use that to your benefit. I usually always tag at least: [character name]; [character name x reader]; [fandom]; [fandom x reader]. You can always also try things like: [character name genre], [fandom genre], [fandom fanfic], [character fanfic] as well.

Make sure your blog is easy to navigate and have a masterlist that’s easy to find. If a reader sees your content on their dash and decides to check out your other works, if they can’t find them on your blog then they’ll probably just leave.

Self-reblog as much as you feel you need to for your followers who may have missed your post. I self-reblog a lot for new content over the first couple of days and then even will do a few icymi self-reblogs later as well. It also helps to have a list in your profile somewhere of your recent updates so people can easily see if they’ve missed something.

3. Write for active fandoms and for popular characters.

This might seem like common sense, but I think it’s something to keep in mind if you want to grow your follower count and your chances of getting feedback. And there’s nothing wrong with prioritizing a fic over another just because you want more feedback. I actually really want to write something for Chainsaw Man but the fandom is so small compared to the other fandoms I write for that I’m putting it on hold until the anime comes out.

That’s not to discourage you from writing for characters or fandoms that are less popular -- I have a bad habit of writing for niche characters and fandoms. But I always see my activity spike when I write for more popular characters. Another tip is to try and figure out which characters people are thirsting over but where there’s a lack of fics for them. You’ll also find that some characters or fandoms just have louder fans than others. The stuff I’ve written for Gojo has gotten a lot of likes and notes, but not so many comments or much feedback. But the amount of asks and thirsts I’ve gotten for Naoya is wild. This is something you’ll learn over time as you keep writing!

4. Post frequently.

This one is annoying because writers have lives and real-world responsibilities and we can’t just write 24/7. But when you’re trying to build a following, even if you can do a couple of short drabbles a week, you’ll really start to see your follower count and feedback grow. I’m not sure if people tend to like longer or shorter fics more, but overall people are just hungry for content and if you can give it to them on a frequent or at least regular basis then they’re more likely to interact, especially if you’re taking requests.

But don’t prioritize writing and posting content at the cost of your own well-being. As authors we’re all guilty of this at one time or another, but your followers will understand if you have writer’s block or you need to take a step back! Taking care of yourself is more important than getting feedback or interaction. ❤️

5. Interact with other authors.

Building relationships with other authors is a big one, but it’s also probably the hardest because a lot of us (me included!) are just so shy about reaching out! It’s like asking someone on a date or trying to be friends with someone you really admire. I know it’s scary to come off of anon (I still sometimes send asks on anon!), but authors recognize the names we see often in our notes and in our inboxes and we’re all really nice, I promise! 🥰 And I’m much more likely to read the fics of my mutuals and the people I follow than I am to be searching through the tags.

And I think there’s nothing wrong with reaching out to an author you love and politely asking if they’ll read your work. I think it’s totally okay to send something like, “I really love your writing and wanted to know if it’s alright if I share this fic I just posted with you? I’ve seen you thirsting over [character] and think you might like it if you have the time to read it!” The worst they can do is turn you down. I would never be upset over getting an ask like that as long as it was polite and the person was understanding that I might not have time to read their fic. But, I know that this is really scary to ask of someone. I’ve only done it once or twice, so maybe I don’t have any ground to stand on here, but I really think you should try it even if you need to send the ask on anon first.

Please just be mindful of an author’s rules before reaching out.

Another added bonus is that authors are more likely to reblog and give you feedback on the stuff you write because we’re in the exact same boat as you! We’re the perfect audience.

And don’t forget...

Growing your follower count and reaching the level of feedback you want takes time. If you’re just starting out, don’t get discouraged. The more you write, the better you get so even if you’re not getting the feedback you want now, that doesn’t meant that you never will!

And of course, pay it back in kind. Just how you want people to interact with your fics, we want the same. I always try to leave comments on the fics I read on AO3 and always reblog the fics I like on Tumblr and try to go wild in the tags so that the author knows that I loved their works.

I hope you found all of this useful, anon! Best of luck with your writing! 💕

#Anonymous #writing advice #fanfiction #writing tips #fanfic tips #useful stuff

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casiavium · 3 years

Text

Hello👋 I go by Cherry, you can also call me Max or Sky because honestly I don't answer to my own name. I ramble a lot

BYF:

-I am an adult. When I joined these fandoms I was not. Your interests don't magically disappear when you turn 18

-I'm lesbian, so if your first thought when you see that is :/ you're not welcome here! Lesbian is not a dirty word and it does not inherently mean terf or biphobic. Check your own community before demonizing another. I'm also genderfluid (sort of a girl-nonbinary-agender spectrum) so if you think that cancels it out same thing! I am not afraid of coming off as a mean fucking dyke I am tired of this shit

-I swear a lot

-suggestive content sometimes (nsft, nsft-ish, and nsft mention are the tags to block)

-no offense but I really don't care about mutuals status. Unless we're actually friends, if you post stuff I'm not interested in/move onto a different fandom I'm not following ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ call me boring but I don't like cluttering my dash with stuff I know nothing about. Please don't take it personally if I unfollow you, I follow like 50 people max and it's still a lot for me

-I ship ghiralink. Saying this now because it's apparently a big thing

My version of Sky Link is >18 because the game starts with him graduating school and becoming a knight, I started the game as a 17 1/2 yr old about to graduate high school and beat it the day before I went to college so I'm hella projecting onto it, like you're supposed to with a blank player character. Most of the stuff I make is post canon, the events of the game taking 6+ months. If you have a problem with Ghiralink you should also have a problem with Midlink, Shadlink, Miphlink, Sidlink, Revalink, Zelimpa (or their x Zelda counterparts) and countless other Zelda ships with nonhuman characters and/or a lack of canon age/consistent age equivalency before trying to claim the moral high ground. If you don't like it you don't like it, stop pretending anyone who does is a monster

This is my main blog, it doesn't have a theme, but I post/reblog

-Legend of Zelda (mostly Skyward Sword Ghirahim/Ghiralink )

-general internet culture

-fan art

-fanfic

-original artwork

-Update of shame: Star Wars

My stuff is tagged cherryskyart/writing/etc because I usually split posting it between here and my skyward sword sideblog

I'm not really into these fandoms anymore so if you're following me for that you'll be disappointed

-Harry Potter (do not talk to me about anything Harry Potter. I do not want it in my life anymore. Even anti-HP stuff I just Do Not Want to deal with anything related to it)

-Percy Jackson

-Doctor Who

-Breath of the Wild/Age of Calamity (anything not skyward sword, tbh)

-Lord of the Flies

(if that list wasn't a red flag)

I also use @skyview-temple-spring (Skyward Sword) and @hylimpa (WLW in LoZ). See the linktree in my bio for usernames on other sites

Please ask if you want me to tag any content (I tag most generally triggering things but if there's something else that's not one of the main ones let me know, it's no big deal. Anon is on)

I don't really have a DNI, I block first ask questions later and don't offer second chances anymore ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ if you think it was a mistake, log out and send me an ask on anon, I won't post it and call you out or anything

Here's my block criteria anyway. I like reading people's DNI lol

Reposting is fine just credit me and don't use shipping tags unless it's said so in the main post

adding something about reposting my artwork. If you get harassed about it, please delete the post and block the user, do not engage with them!! For any post really, as likes and views are not worth your mental health, but I feel bad because I've not had many problems and this is twice now someone has reposted something of mine and they're the ones that took the fall for it. I have many people blocked already (Tumblr and Instagram, still working on Twitter) that wouldn't see it to begin with, but you may not! If they can't yell at the source they'll take it out on you, and even if you do try arguing often times they'll switch up their argument and keep it going once they realize you're right.

I don't have a problem with tagging my art as your kin/id or whatever. Maybe don't use "me" because that comes off as you made it. I'm uncomfortable with my art being tagged as your "fictional other", husband, or wife.

**DO NOT TAG ANYTHING I POST AS LINKED UNIVERSE OR GHIRAFI**

#/save

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consumedkings-archive · 4 years

Text

ancient names, pt. xviii

A John Seed/Original Female Character Fanfic

Ancient Names, pt xviii: even as a dream

Masterlink Post

Word Count: ~7.4k

Rating: Mature; nothing explicit, just mentions/references.

Warnings: almost none, though some descriptions of Elliot's recent actions, as well as some colorful threats and some poor decision making on John's behalf. This whole chapter is basically Elliot suffering and that's probably why it was so hard to write.

Notes: Hello my friends! I am once again asking for your patience as I come to you with a chapter full of emotional manipulation and almost no physical plot movement! All of this felt important to dig into and though it may not be the most fast-paced (or smutty) chapter, I hope that you still enjoy it nonetheless. Drama abound as we are slowly but surely closing in on the end.

I want to give a super special thank you to @shallow-gravy for listening to me whine and complain about this chapter as well as lend me their eyeballs so that I didn't go just fucking nutso trying to write this thing. As well, @lilwritingraven has been SO sweet, cheering me on and keeping my spirits up even when I think this was one of the harder chapters for me to get through; and everyone who comments, kudos, likes/reblogs depending on what platform you're on, thank YOU so so so much. It really keeps me going!

As always, my most beloved @starcrier put her eyes on this and let me feel less like I was going insane. I love you so much and thank you for loving my girl Elliot as much as I do!! God knows she DESERVES it.

“We should get our story straight.”

John’s voice wrangled Elliot out of her brain. She’d been trying to mentally prepare herself for whatever mind games were about to commence, but John stepping in front of her to block her way into the chapel and speaking was enough to yank her right out of it.

“Get what story straight?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest. Her gaze flickered to Boomer, waiting expectantly, and she made the quiet little motion for sit ; he did, obediently.

“Our timeline,” John clarified, “for—”

“You know, for someone who insists his brother doesn’t scare him,” Elliot interrupted, “you sure act like you got caught with your hand in the cookie jar every time he wants to talk to you.”

The brunette’s mouth twisted into a grimace. His arms crossed, mirroring her own.

“I don’t ,” John said, speaking slowly, “want Joseph to get the impression that because we are romantically entangled—”

“Please stop.”

“—that it somehow compromised the work I was doing with you before,” he finished.

“But it did,” Elliot pointed out mildly. “Or did you forget telling me about how long you’ve wanted to fuck me for?”

She saw, for a brief second in time, irritation spike in John’s expression. All this time it had been Elliot smothering him, stopping him from saying the words out loud—but there was something a little liberating about doing it herself, like she had discovered something sharp that had been hidden inside of her all along. It wasn’t useful enough to be used as often as she would have liked, of course; but that didn’t stop her from getting some satisfaction in seeing John’s expression clamp down because the control freak couldn’t stand the idea of her derailing his perfect plan.

(And maybe that had been what she really liked this little game they’d played, all along—the increasing frustration in his voice every time he’d cut in to her walkie talkie, like she could tell that he was losing control thread by thread.)

“I didn’t forget.” John managed to somehow sound both incredibly frustrated and nonplussed at the same time, like ambivalence was a tone of voice rather than an opinion that he could emulate. He continued, “I just think we should be clear about the timeline with each other.”

“Nothing’s unclear,” Elliot replied. “You’ve wanted to fuck me all along—”

“Well, now—”

“—and I finally let you,” she continued.

He sounded spiteful when he said, “Twice.”

“Twice,” she acquiesced, “but do we need to include details?”

John chewed on that for a minute. “Should,” he ventured, and he was clearly trying not to sound smug. “If it’s going to happen again.”

She narrowed her eyes. “I don’t think Joseph needs to know that.” And then, light-heartedly, “But if you think he does, we should include how you said please so very nicely for me—”

“Unnecessary,” the brunette interrupted. “Fine. It happened twice, the nature of our relationship is...”

“Tenuous at best.”

“... But not without hope,” John concluded. It took every ounce of her strength not to roll her eyes so fucking hard that she passed out; because yes , she did want to say, I know John was good, sometime, somewhere inside of him, and that means maybe I can bring it back, and if he said that he’d go with me I’d let him.

“Isn’t that right, El?”

Elliot sighed. She regarded him for a moment—grinning, handsome and boyish, flashing his teeth like the cat that had caught the canary. And handsome. He’s handsome, too.

“Whatever,” she relented, at last. “Is that all? Can we go in now? There are things I want to do with the day.”

As she reached around him for the door, John said, “So what are we?” and she groaned.

“ John.”

“I just think that—”

“You are ruining,” Elliot told him, poking a finger into his chest, “the mythos of whatever this is.”

John frowned. He looked like he wanted to say something; he looked like he wanted to say it and very terribly, but like he thought she might be mad if he did. Then again, Elliot had to consider that John said plenty of things that made her angry, and he did so knowing they would make her angry, and that there was no reason that he should start now.

“It shouldn’t be a mythos,” John said after a moment. “We’re… Together, you know—”

Elliot fished the carton of cigarettes out of her back pocket and tapped one out, lighting it. John had stopped himself to watch her, his gaze sweeping over her before he grinned again, wolfish and pleased.

“Does it stress you out?” he asked.

“Baby,” Elliot deadpanned, “if stressing me out was an Olympic sport, you would be a gold medalist.”

John plucked the cigarette out of her hands after she took one drag, dropped it on the ground, and stomped it out, much to her chagrin. One wasted cigarette.

“You owe me,” she said.

“I just want to make sure that we’re on the same page when we go in there,” he reiterated. “Nothing about the nature of our relationship affected the time that you spent in my custody.”

She eyed him. Out of spite, she almost wanted to agree and then say something completely different once she was inside—just to make him squirm, and all for stamping out her cigarette.

“Fine,” she relented, at last. “But that’s all we say about it. I don’t think anything else needs to be said, do you?”

For one second, John opened his mouth again. It was all Elliot could do not to immediately groan; stupid, pretty John, who for some reason needed to constantly be talking, the same way a shark would die if it stopped moving.

But then he said, “Sure,” and suspicion spiked high and hot in her brain. He leaned down and pressed his mouth to hers; the kiss was unhurried, but short, and succeeded in frying her brain pleasantly.

“Don’t try and distract me,” she snipped half-heartedly, even when she felt the blush crawling up her cheeks. He grinned as though to feign innocence, before he turned and opened the door to the chapel; when he stepped inside, it left her alone.

One blissful, serene moment alone. It felt more and more like she was running short on those. It was probably intentional. Whatever it was happening between herself and John—whatever this mythos really was—it was harder and harder to keep straight with him around her all the time, breathing her in and exhaling her out, hands and mouth and—

And if she just got one more second —

Inside, Joseph said, “You don’t have the deputy with you?” and John made a noise like he was surprised she hadn’t followed right in. Elliot motioned for Boomer to stay before she stepped inside and closed the door behind her; the movement plunged her into the dim, cool light of the chapel, illuminated only by the cut-out of the Eden’s Gate star-symbol, slanting golden light across the floor. Everything else was dark. Like a womb, living and breathing and spitting out cultists.

“I trust you’ve gotten sufficient rest?” came Joseph’s next question, and it was clearly directed at her. Elliot made her way to the front of the chapel and stifled a sigh.

“Faith said you wanted to talk with us?” she prompted, and Joseph looked like he was trying not to smile; the corners of his mouth ticked upward for a moment as he watched her. He liked to do that—let a silence linger between them, let it fester for a moment until she thought she’d rather curl up and disappear than stay there any longer.

He finally spoke and said, “It’s come to my attention, Deputy Honeysett, that your relationship with our brother John has developed.”

‘Our brother,’ he said. Joseph talking like he was the fucking Pope made her molars grind.

Before she could remark on it, Joseph continued, “It would stand to reason, then, that you are intending to enter the End with us?”

I want a home with you.

“Of course,” John said, just as Elliot said, “‘Reason’ is a funny choice of word for you,” and then their eyes met. John’s expression said we’re supposed to be on the same team, but as far as Elliot couldn’t bite back instinct so easily.

She knew John could be good. She knew it, and yet he insisted on acting otherwise, and it just made her think maybe she had been some kind of exception and he really was, all this time, just rotten.

“I know that you’ve had a lot to process these last few days,” Joseph continued lightly. “The devastating loss of Hudson, having to purge all of that old poison concerning your last boyfriend…”

Elliot felt the panic wash over her in an instant. It was the same feeling that she had gotten with Kian, but the kicker here was that she’d volunteered that information to Joseph. He’d gone digging around in her brain, but she’d given him permission to have it.

I don’t want John to know, something in her said frantically, he can’t know.

“Reconsider,” Elliot bit out venomously, “what you’re going to say next, Seed.”

A moment of silence lapsed between the three of them. John was watching her curiously, waiting, perhaps, for her to elaborate on her angry outburst. She wouldn’t. He’d be waiting until he was in his fucking grave and then some if he thought she was going to say anything about it.

“John,” Joseph said, glancing at the brunette, “I’d like a moment with our deputy.”

The brunette’s expression tightened. Something, just a tiny little something, about that statement bothered John, Elliot could tell—though he said nothing about it, and instead swallowed back whatever it was, clearing his throat.

“That’s not necessary,” she insisted, looking between the two brothers. “John, it isn’t.”

Don’t. Don’t leave me alone with him. Please. I’m so tired, I’m so tired, I don’t want to do this anymore. Not with him.

“I’ll be outside,” John said, but he said it to Elliot, not to Joseph, and it did so very little to inspire any confidence in her; that John thought he needed to explain to her that he would be close by only reminded her that there was something predatory about Joseph that John didn’t like, either.

As he went to move past her, she grabbed his wrist out of instinct—the pads of her fingers brushed the crescent marks that she’d left on him that night in the river, and the differences in the ways that she gripped him now felt monumental.

The moment lingered, suspended, between them. John reached up with his un-gripped hand and brushed some of her hair behind her ear.

“It’s only a few minutes,” Joseph offered, as though it were supposed to comfort her. It didn’t.

She dropped her hand from his wrist, and his hand drifted from her face, and he was heading back to the door before she could figure out if she wanted to pitch more of a fit or not.

When the door closed behind them and left Joseph and herself alone, in the eerie stillness of the chapel, Elliot took in a slow breath. The last time she’d been alone with Joseph, she’d been doing what she knew he wanted her to—confessing to the things that hurt, the prickly, sharp parts of her that stung the most on their way out. She’d grappled back a thread of her control that day, but what should have been a catharsis had just felt—

Dirty.

“I know that you must be tired,” Joseph murmured, closing the distance between them. “You’ve been fighting for a long time, Elliot. Longer, I can say now with certainty, than before even us. Before this.”

Fuck you, she thought hatefully. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. You took everything from me, you wretched fucking man.

“I am tired,” she relented, desperate to keep that tiny bit of Joseph’s favor if it just meant that he’d stop trying to pry her open all the time. “But that doesn’t—”

“The End is coming,” he interrupted, though with the slow, rich cadence of his voice, it often felt less like an interruption and more a gentle redirection, “whether you believe it or not. But let’s say, theoretically, that it isn’t. That I’m wrong.”

Elliot’s mouth went dry. She didn’t like hypothesizing theoretical situations, least of all with Joseph. “Okay...”

The man had closed the distance between them now; his eyes were fixed on her, the relentless, dauntless part of him that did not soften to his Fatherly persona. He lifted his hands, and it took everything in Elliot not to flinch back out of instinct—his fingers brushed where John’s had just moments ago, trailing the slope of her jaw, landing on the feverish bruise marks on her throat.

“We retrieved Kian’s body from the forest,” he murmured, his fingers not leaving her neck. He looked to be inspecting the bruises on her neck, at the corner of her mouth.

The scrutiny made her skin feel sickly-hot. “And?”

“You obliterated his face,” Joseph said plainly. “Crushed each bony structure on it, caved him in. His eyes barely stayed in his sockets by the time you were done with him.”

Do you feel guilty for what that man did to you?

Elliot felt her stomach churn, the vicious nausea rolling around inside of her head. She could still feel Kian’s bones crumbling under each impact of the shotgun cold, dark metal, taste the arterial spray in her mouth. And just like that, she could feel Joseph digging his metaphorical claws in, cracking open her rib cage so he could stick his hands right into the gore of her.

Will you feel guilty about this, too?

“It—” Elliot felt her brain swoon dizzyingly; for a second, the only thing keeping her anchored was Joseph’s feather-light touch. “It w-was—self-defense—”

“ I know that,” Joseph murmured, “and you know that, and John—even Jacob, and Faith, and the others. We all know that, Elliot. But your friends from the resistance? Mary May, Grace... Pastor Jeffries...” His voice trailed off. “Do you think they’ll understand, when they read the reports of what you did to that man? Of the trail of bodies you’ve left behind yourself?”

“H-He was going to kill me,” and the words came out barely past a whisper; anymore volume and it would have been a wail. “ They were—”

“Yes,” Joseph agreed, “and you mutilated his body well past the point of death.”

“He deserved it,” she managed out, “he deserved it, he—” He was in my home, he touched my things, he pushed his way into my head, he took my Joey from me, she was the only good thing I had left and he took her.

“I know.” Joseph’s breath fanned across her forehead. “I know, Elliot. I hope—”

He stopped himself, and then he pulled back so that their eyes could meet, his hands cradling her face. It was both an anchor and invasion, this incessant need of Joseph’s to touch her. It grounded her to reality, but it also rattled violently through her skeleton, aftershocks of an earthquake she’d been living through for the last week.

“What I mean to say is, I only hope you understand,” he continued, his voice low, “this gift that we are giving you.”

I want a home with you.

“Do you?” Joseph asked. “Understand?”

What would Pastor Jeffries think? How would Mary May look at her? Sharky, and Grace—would they still like her spark?

Or was she ruined now, too, like everything else Eden’s Gate had touched?

Are you happy, Elliot?

“Yes,” she managed out. “I do.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

When the chapel door opened, John had been standing around outside for about ten minutes—enough time to hate it, enough time to look at Boomer waiting patiently at the foot of the stairs and think, fucking dog has better patience than I do.

“We’re going,” Elliot said, moving down the steps. Joseph lingered in the doorway behind her.

John balked. Faith had said Joseph wanted to speak to both of them; she’d made it sound like there had been more for him to be a part of, and yet Joseph had just collected one-on-one time with Elliot for himself and that was it?

“We’re?” he asked. Her voice sounded thick. “To where? Joseph, didn’t you—”

The blonde walked past him, and with a single gesture of her hand, Boomer was trotting off after her. John watched her, and then looked back at his older brother; he was sure the confusion was written clear on his face, but true to his nature, Joseph let it linger for a moment before he said, “She requested a car to visit someplace important to her. I said it would be fine, if you went.”

“Where?”

“It didn’t feel pertinent to ask,” Joseph replied. John paused, and as soon as he turned to start walking after Elliot—and perhaps get more information than what it seemed his brother was willing to supply him with—Joseph said, “John?”

He stopped and turned to look at his brother, and said, “Yes?”

“The opportunity is slipping.” Joseph’s head cocked to the side, his gaze hardening. “Do not let your family down.”

John felt something—anxiety, perhaps, but probably more dread —creep down his spine at Joseph’s words. He swallowed and nodded once before he started heading off again, the slow IV-drip of his older brother’s casual, cloaked venom seeping straight into the marrow of his bones.

Joseph’s voice rattled in his skull. Tell me you can do this.

You can’t have both, Elliot’s mouth against his, voice teetering on something broken.

He gritted his teeth, catching up to Elliot as she pulled herself into the driver’s seat of a truck.

I can. You’re mine, and I can have both.

“Ready?” Elliot asked, having elaborated not at all on what was going on and only expecting that he would come along blindly. Well, she was right—to some extent, anyway, because here he was, knowing only one thing more than before and that was that Joseph’s patience was enduring, but running thin.

John flashed her a smile when she glanced over his way.

“As ever.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

It didn’t get any more clear where it was Elliot was taking him. Perhaps “taking him” was a bit of a stretch—he was going along because Joseph had insisted, and even if he hadn’t insisted it probably would have been his first choice of how to spend the afternoon anyway.

They were running out of time. That much had been made clear to him, either by Joseph or by Elliot’s itching to get out of the compound; pulled two ways, and only one of them was able to give—Elliot, with the proper amount of planting, guiding.

John knew that he needed to stay focused. There could be no more lingering, favoring glances; she would need to be his, and he would have to make it happen.

Fast.

The blonde turned the truck up a long, winding drive that took them further back into the wilderness of Hope County and parked in front of a house that he’d seen only once or twice before, and only in passing; he’d even considered reaping it for himself, at one point, but it was far out and small enough that it would have been more of an inconvenience than it was worth.

“So,” he said, when she put the truck in park and pulled the keys out of the ignition, “where is this?”

It was a small house, but not as small as most houses in Hope County; by all accounts, the house was probably considered upper class —the snob in him wanted to scoff audibly even as the thought considering how fucking incredible that statement alone was—but the two-story ranch house screamed Gothic South at him, even though he wasn’t entirely sure where it was where Elliot’s parents hailed from.

All of the lights in the house wereoff; the wisteria climbing the trellis that arched over the pathway had just finished blooming, and some of its perfume still lingered; ivy climbed up the elaborate railing of the top front porch, and the garden had clearly been meticulously well-kept.

“My mom’s,” she replied after a moment, sliding out of the driver’s side and closing the door. She sounded more put-together now; whatever had transpired between herself and Joseph had shaken her, but only temporarily. She’d stuffed it down, locked it away somewhere far away from him.

Oh, John thought, feeling that little thrill of delight he got every time he thought Elliot might be about to let him in and under and through. Mom’s house, hm? Interesting.

Boomer leaped from the back without waiting for the tailgate to get dropped and raced excited circles around Elliot as she made her way up the bricked path. He barked once, twice, and then Elliot lifted her hand and he quieted just before she gestured for him to go and he took off running.

“I drove past this place when I first came back,” John said as he followed. “Your mom likes gardening, huh?”

“Don’t be stupid,” Elliot sighed, lifting one of the flower pots by the front door to fish a key out from underneath. There was something bitter and a little humorous as she added, “Scarlet Honeysett would never lift a hand to garden, except —” And here the blonde lifted a finger quite dutifully, that little Southern twang peeking through. “For her rose bushes. Nobody goes around touchin’ her rose bushes.”

John glanced around the front porch. The steps up were lined with the aforementioned bushes, tiny scalloped fencing keeping them from being in the way of foot traffic while still on perfect display. Ah, he thought absently, the neuroses.

Elliot unlocked the door, nudging the front door open with her foot and stuffing the key into her pocket. John followed her inside, glancing around in the late-afternoon light; the polished dark wood floors, the carefully placed decorations, plush foyer rug, elegant painting on the far wall leading past the stairs.

It was luxe, to say the least. A portrait hung on the wall closest to the door, a photo of a young woman and her blonde look-alike toddler. John thought that it was the kind of thing that you only saw in the home of a woman who put her daughter into pageants and drank martinis at ten in the morning.

“Elliot Honeysett,” he began, with no shortage of needling glee, “are you rich?”

She looked at him over her shoulder. “ I certainly am not,” she told him. “My mother, however, is a trust fund baby, likely has not worked a single day in her life. Papa Graves was a retired jockey—made a lot of money, real quick, invested it, retired...”

Her voice trailed off and she walked past him to the room on the right, fiddling around with something past his line of sight. He picked up a frame on one of the side tables; it was a young blonde girl, grinning ear to ear, sitting atop a buckskin horse, her fingers tangled into its dark mane,

“You like horses?” John called.

As if to clarify, she replied, “Animals.”

Something in the next room clicked. For a second, John’s brain panicked; a gun, he thought, a brief second of considering that Elliot had brought him here to—

And then the music started to play. It was older music that didn’t quite suit his picture of Elliot—the same girl that had blasted Guns’N’Roses on their way out from the ranch—but dreamy. Hazy. The perfect kind of music to suit the golden light of the late afternoon slanting through the gauzy curtains framing French windows. For a second, John thought he could forget himself: she had let him in, to the most vulnerable part of her, this place littered with photos and monuments to Elliot as a child, Elliot as a girl, Elliot before any of this.

Joseph hadn’t gotten this. Nobody had gotten this—not Joseph, and not her ex-boyfriend, and not anyone. Not anyone except for him.

See the pyramids along the Nile; watch the sun rise on a tropic isle.

Next was a gentle clink. It sounded like ice cubes in a glass. John moved down the hallway, picking up another frame—what he could only presume to be young Elliot, perched atop the shoulders of a red-haired man, grinning like a scoundrel at the camera.

He could hear the sound of liquid pouring a room over. As he walked, he realized the table—and the walls—were covered with photos of this man, this red-haired stranger, freckles covering his face. He was handsome. His eyes looked familiar, too.

Just remember, darling, all the while, you belong to me.

“John,” Elliot said from the sitting room—what an absurd thought; Elliot Honeysett, in a sitting room , and that’s what it was, a sitting room, “what are you doing?”

“Learning about you,” John replied. “Your parents left with the resistance?”

There was a pause. He thought that he knew the answer—the only pictures of the man whose eyes were mirrored by Elliot’s own were from when she was quite young. Maybe too young to even remember?

“Mama did, yeah,” Elliot replied. He heard a match striking in the room next to him. She didn’t elaborate on her father; everything in John was itching to pry, to slide just under her skin and figure out what was going on in that brain of hers. Per usual, her decision to remain tight-lipped concerning just about everything that held any emotional bearing on her proved the biggest obstacle.

I'll be so alone without you.

John rounded the corner back into the living room. Elliot had started a fire in the fireplace, kicked off her shoes, and in her hand was a drink; she looked tired , neck still mottled with bruises, but more relaxed than he thought he had seen her in a long time. Even more relaxed than when she was sleeping.

“Didn’t even make me a drink,” he tsked, walking behind the couch to the bar cart. “Just pulled me out here for a little vacation, did you? We could visit.” His gaze slid to her, still perched on the couch with her back to him. “About whatever you’d like.”

“Just wanted to get out of the compound. Felt like I couldn’t breathe in there.” She waved her empty hand in a vague gesture, as if to indicate he was welcome to help himself. “You really don’t stop talking, do you?”

“It’s my job,” John replied, “and you’ve forbidden me from using my mouth otherwise.”

“Oh,” Elliot drawled as he idled around the back of the couch, taking in every meticulous detail of her mother’s living room, “so all I had to do was forbid you and you’d stop doing shit?”

A short laugh billowed out of him. It was so strange to have Elliot like this—was this how she had been with Joey? With the other deputies, with her friends? What she was like before that pesky ex-boyfriend of hers?

Maybe you'll be lonesome too, and blue.

John walked around the side of the couch and sat next to her, regarding her amusedly. She side-eyed him like she didn’t want to exert the effort of turning her head all the way to look at him; when he reached up to brush his fingers along her jaw, she only tilted her head out of his reach for a moment before relenting.

“Might not have worked before,” he suggested. “You’ve definitely gotten more persuasive.”

“Ah.” She arched a brow at him loftily, letting him tilt her face so that she was facing him, and took a sip of her drink. “Maybe your brother is rubbing off on me. After all, romantic coercion isn’t really your style , is it, John?”

He felt his mouth sour at the words. Dropping his fingers from her chin, he instead lifted the drink from her hand; though she relinquished the glass readily, he did see her eyes narrow, just a little. “You just can’t resist, can you?”

He waited for the bite; a part of him anticipated it now, sat patiently, eagerly for the quick-strike of venom. It had become so intrinsic to their day-to-day that he couldn’t tell if he liked it more when she was prickly and headstrong or if he liked it when she was sighing his name like a prayer.

Probably the latter.

The blonde feigned innocence. “Resist what?”

John took a sip of the drink. It was a vodka soda—strong, burning on its way down. Maybe her drink of choice? Or someone else’s. “Picking a fight with me.”

“You do have an exceptionally punchable face,” Elliot acquiesced. And then, as though to soften the blow: “But you have lovely long eyelashes.” She smiled, angelic. “Like a lamb.”

“Fuck you,” John snapped.

“You can,” she replied idly, “if you beg. ”

John felt a flare of something—maybe delight, maybe shame —red-hot and searing in his chest at her nonchalant words. He wanted to stay focused; this was the perfect opportunity to pry more out of her, to really know her and figure out exactly what it was that made her tick, what got those little draconian gears in her head churning.

And they were draconian—after that little show she’d put on with Joseph, he thought maybe Elliot was just a bit more wicked than she liked to let on.

Regarding her for a moment, John set the glass back in her hand, the burn of the alcohol still lingering in the back of his throat. She looked comfortable, draped against the couch; before, being in the same room as him put her on edge, teeth grinding and eyes wild.

“Liked that?” he asked, forcing his voice to lightness, digging. “Having me beg for you?”

“Well,” Elliot said demurely, “who wouldn’t like to hear you begging for something, you smug fucker?”

He bit back his knee-jerk retort and instead willed his words out. “You really are filthy then, aren’t you, Deputy Honeysett?”

Elliot took a swallow of the drink and looked as though she were measuring something, weighing the pros and cons of it in her head. In a fluid motion that must have cost her quite a bit of labor considering the current state of her skeleton, she swung one leg over his lap and settled herself there; straddling him, one hand flattened and smooth against the fabric of his shirt, the other holding the glass and draped over the back of the couch.

“I suppose,” she said, her eyes flickering over his face, “that you’re going to offer to cleanse me of my sins?”

“You’re a quicker study than you let on,” he replied, grinning. “You’ve confessed, but you’re hardly clean. ”

“You should hear yourself.” Elliot’s voice was clipped coming out of her mouth, even as John’s hands came to her hips and tugged her down more firmly against his lap. Her fingers undid one of the buttons on his shirt. “ ‘You’re hardly clean’. You sound so fucking stupid—”

“Let me baptize you,” John insisted. He tried to stuff away his irritation at her words, but it was hard to—even when the sharpness of her words was punctuated by a kiss, her lips parting silkily against his as she sighed, the sharp bite of the vodka chasing the warmth of her mouth. Joseph’s low, murmured threat sat heavy in his chest. “Let me—”

“Drown me?” she said with no absence of venom, even when she said it against his mouth. “Or was that just a one-timer?”

“It’s different,” he snapped. His hands slid beneath the hem of her long-sleeved shirt, tracing the dips and curves of her before splaying against her spine. “It’s different when you choose .”

She sighed; for a moment, John thought she was going to slide off of him, but she stayed, shifting idly on his lap and making the temperature of his body spike. Wicked, wretched viper, he thought, but it was affection blooming in his chest. Wicked and wretched, but mine. Legally bound to me, and all mine.

Besides; where was she going to go, after all of this? She didn’t seriously think she was walking out of Hope County like nothing had happened.

“You gave Joseph what he wanted,” he continued, feeling a little spiteful even as he kept his hands in the slope of her hips. “How’s it feel, knowing that?”

Elliot’s mouth twisted in a grimace. His words had sucked the wind right out of her sails; he saw the impact on her face, meteoric in its destruction.

She said, “John, don’t—”

“I will ,” he insisted, watching her take another dutiful swallow of the alcohol in her glass, “and you did. You gave him exactly what he wanted, after spending all this time insisting you were going to kill him the second you got a chance to. You’ve had a chance. We all know what you did to Kian; all it would take is what, ten minutes alone with him? So, I’ll say it again, how—”

“Worse,” the blonde interrupted, her voice thick with an emotion that John couldn’t quite pin down, “than giving you what you want.”

Yes yes yes, the monster inside of him chanted. He could feel it writhing just beneath his proverbial fingers; so close to sticking the wings of her little butterfly, that special thing that she didn’t want him to have or know. Yes, all mine, give it to me, I deserve it.

The air felt thick, molten-hot and bubbling between them until he thought he was going to be dizzy from trying to breathe something so oxygen-thin. He could feel the flutter of Elliot’s pulse, unsteady and hammering, against his chest: not the heartbeat of an apex predator, but that of prey, snagged and caught and his.

John pressed his mouth to the slope of her neck, tightening his grip on her; his tongue traced the marks left there just below her jaw, and then he murmured, “Tell me how it feels to give me what I want, El.”

Elliot’s free hand had tangled into his hair, knotting there and gripping just a little tighter at his words.

“Good,” she managed out. Her voice barely broke the sound barrier of a whisper; that single word alone gave John a vibrant surge of triumph in his chest, billowed the breath right out of him. But when he pulled back to look at her, she finished off the rest of the vodka and set the glass on the side table before she plunged on, “I had a dream the other night.”

A brief pause dragged the silence on, with only the music playing absently in the background as she righted herself on his lap.

“It was after my walk with Faith,” Elliot continued. “You were there, and—it was just a stupid dream, but—”

“Dreams can be prophetic,” John said, because whatever she was unraveling was making her upset, and he wanted it; that little tremble in her voice, so sweet so sweet, the same kind of sweetness he’d wanted to taste that night he’d first gotten his hands on her.

When he opened his mouth to continue to encourage her, she slapped her palm over it and said, “Shut up or I’m going to lose my train of thought.”

John made a muffled noise of acquiescence. Elliot dropped her hand from his mouth and took in a short, sharp little breath.

“You were there, and you kept saying things like… That you wanted to be—mine,” she explained, and this whole time she hadn’t been looking at him, but she did now. “That you wanted a home with me, that we would—after Kian, we would leave Hope County and for a second—I fucking—everyone, and everything, it’s all gone to shit and for one fucking second when you were saying that I didn’t—I didn’t feel—”

So close, John thought, watching her try to work around the words that she wanted to say but that fought against her entire being to come out. I just need to hear it. That’s all I need.

“Alone,” Elliot finished softly.

It was the perfect opportunity; Joseph had made it clear that they weren’t going to be waiting to finish off the Family to retreat for the End, and that meant that John only had so much time to bring Elliot around. This was the moment that he had to take advantage of, to tell her about their marriage and hope for the best.

“It wasn’t,” John said after a moment. “A dream, I mean.”

The blonde stared at him for a moment. Her expression was guarded. “What wasn’t?”

“That night that you came back from your walk with Faith,” he began, “you weren’t feeling well, and I walked you back to the bunkhouse—”

“Uh-huh.”

“—and I told you that I didn’t want you to be alone anymore—”

“John.”

It’s fine, he thought, even when Elliot’s expression flattened and emptied out, it’s fine, it’s fine.

“—and that after all this was done, I would leave with you, and I wanted a home. With you.”

Elliot blinked. A few moments passed. Surprisingly, there was no fury radiating off of her; she looked blank, like she was still processing and taking in all of this information. Like maybe it hadn’t quite hit her yet.

John opened his mouth, very deliberately, to proceed and inform her of the next part—the completely fine and totally normal agreement to get married when Elliot said, “So you lied to me?”

His mouth closed. “Sorry?”

“I asked you about it,” she began, and now she was biting the words out, “the next morning. In the chapel. Jacob was there, and I asked you if something happened—”

“—less like it happened—”

“—and you said, John, that I walked myself to the bunkhouse and went to sleep.” Her fingers had fisted into the front of his shirt now, gripping, as if she were preparing for him to try and squirm out from underneath her. “I fucking knew you weren’t telling me the truth, I fucking knew it because my gun was on the table and I’d never fucking put it there to go to sleep, you stupid fuckhead—”

“El,” John said, lifting a hand, though he didn’t know why; maybe in an effort to soothe her, maybe to block any incoming blows, but Elliot smacked his hand out of the way.

“You fucking weasel—”

“Elliot, listen to me!”

Bad, John thought, and he hadn’t even told her about the part of this that was the most legally binding, the part of this that didn’t make her a Honeysett at all anymore but a Seed. All of that softness from before had evaporated in the heat of her rage. Bad, so fucking bad, fuck I’m fucked fuck.

“I’m gonna fucking dig the decay out of your teeth with a hunting knife, you lying piece of shit,” Elliot snapped. “You saw what I did to Kian, huh? I let you fuck me, and you lied to me—”

“I was—”

“—fucking rotten through and through—”

“Elliot,” John managed out, scrambling for something as he ducked an otherwise well-timed blow; he snagged her wrists, both of them, to stop her from landing any kind of hit. “I was embarrassed, okay? When you came in the next day and you didn’t remember, I—freaked out. Jacob was there, and I thought you’d kill me if I didn’t tell you, and also that you’d kill me if I said it front of Jacob, and I didn’t want to say it in front of him anyway because it was about how I was going to leave with you rather than stay with them!”

Her eyes narrowed, and her mouth pressed into a thin, hard line. It was a lie —a big fucking lie, in a lot of ways, but most importantly a big lie-by-omission, but though he knew it John thought certainly there was no fucking way in Hell he was going to bring that part up to Elliot now, too.

She’s clearly emotionally fragile, he reasoned, I should wait until a better moment.

“Why’d you want me to get baptized then?” she snapped. “If you were planning on leaving with me?”

“Because,” John said slowly, come on come on come on, “Joseph—knows about us, and it would be suspicious. If you didn’t.”

Elliot stared at him. “And?”

“ And,” he insisted, “I planned on telling you in the car on the way out of the compound that night, and then we got hit, and we went on Kian’s fun little nightmare carnival ride, and—”

“Shut up.” Elliot yanked her wrists out of his grip and passed a hand over her face exhaustedly. John wanted to keep talking—it was instinct to want to weave the most elaborate tale that he could in the face of Elliot’s fury—but he did as she said, keeping his mouth shut as she processed whatever it was she had taken in.

Her hand dropped from her face, and she stared at a spot on the wall over his head for a minute before she sucked her teeth and said, “You don’t fucking lie to me, John.”

“I—”

“You don’t fucking lie to me,” Elliot reiterated again, “because if you do, I will find out, and I will make you fucking suffer.”

John regarded her warily. He knew that he needed to tell her. He knew that he should, because if this was any indication to how she was going to handle it, the full truth would be astronomically worse. It would be best to get it out of the way, let her process it, and maybe by the end she’d have come around to the picture he’d paint of them, together, as the End crept in; safe and in the bunker and—

“Okay,” he replied, “no lying.”

“No fucking lying.”

“Got it.”

“And if you do—”

“Skeleton pulled out of my body,” John supplied, lowering his hands hesitantly back to her hips. She eyed him through her lashes for a moment before she seemed to relax a little, sucking her teeth and crossing her arms over her chest. As each second ticked by that she didn’t make good on her violent promises of emergency tooth surgery, John felt more and more confident that he had assuaged the monster and reached up to gently unlace her arms. She balked at first, and then relented after another few heartbeats; when she allowed him to pull her arms around his neck, Elliot let out a soft little exhale, like she’d been holding her breath.

He said, trying for lightness, “I like when you get scary.”

“Did you mean it?” she asked, ignoring his little playful remark. When John looked at her expectantly, looking for some elaboration, she took in a breath and said, “About... leaving?” And then, with concerted effort: “With me?”

Soft —she was so soft, right then and there, and only for him. It was in moments like this when John wanted to drag her down into him, kiss her until his lungs ached, until their breath mixed and intermingled; to capture something like this and keep it his and his alone, forever.

He’d tell her. He’d tell her when things were better—when she wasn’t so emotionally raw, when she hadn’t lost so much so quickly, and when she’d have a more level head about it. She’d feel safer, more secure, with this little white lie; and then he’d tell her about the End again, once things had quieted down for a few days, and explain the importance of having her by his side. As his wife.

“Yeah, El,” he replied. “I meant it.” And then, because she was staring at him with those eyes—wary, cautious, guarded—he took her face in his hands and said, “I’m yours.”

“Don’t,” she managed out, and now her voice was really wobbling, “don’t fucking lie to me again, John Seed.”

She’ll see that I did this for us.

“I won’t.” And technically, sort of, it was true—he wasn’t going to tell her another lie now that she’d just said not to do it again. Unless she asked again. But she wouldn’t. So it was sort of like he was doing exactly what she wanted, wasn’t it?

Elliot’s forehead brushed his. She let out a sharp exhale. “I don’t have anything left,” she said after a second, “anymore.”

He pressed his mouth to hers in a kiss—luxuriated in, drenched himself in it, indulged in the feeling of her leaned into his touch.

“You have me,” he said against her mouth. “You know that.”

“Yes.” Elliot’s voice was an exhausted murmur; her eyes fluttered shut. Got you, John thought, dragging his thumb along the slope of her cheekbone, and she said, “I know.”

Got you, hellcat.

#john seed x deputy #john seed x original female character #ch: elliot honeysett #ch: john seed #fic: ancient names #my writing #ch: joseph seed #i'm really not out here trying to be like i hated writing this but we're pretty close to that #i finally hit some kind of stride with it which was cool #anyway #it does ALL feel important #so that's what matters #next chapter can be full of actual drama and steam to make up for the downer <3 #thank you everyone for reading!!!#far cry 5 #fc5 #this whole chapter is john going #this is fine

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spectre1 · 3 years

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tagged by the lovely @spotchka thank u plum!!

1. Why did you choose your url? i was trying to save a bunch of sw urls for my main blog lol and spectre1 was surprisingly free and stan kanan jarrus, that’s my bestie!

2. Any side blogs? this is a side blog👀 my main is @favouritecolours where i blog about all my other interests (art, poetry, other movies, more personal posts + updates), i also have an atla side blog @kataruh that i made a couple years ago but don’t really use as often. i also started a resources blog yesterday lol @selectivecolour which is just themes rn bcos i may or may not be thinking about starting a sw animation / rebels source blog

3. How long have you been on tumblr? sigh.. since i was like 13 unfortunately. i think i turned out okay all things considering but it’s just so crazy to think about

4. Do you have a queue tag? yes! it’s just #q and runs like twice while i’m asleep

5. Why did you start your blog? i rewatched the all of the movies and finally finished tcw during christmas break then watched rebels in like. a weekend after lol which kickstarted my star wars brain rot. i saved the url in like end of march/april ish then started posting here to not spam my main blog with too many star wars posts and then i started making gifs n other creations now here i am <3

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp? i used to have leia / hera icons and then i changed it to kanan bcos i thought it wld be cute if my icon and url matched. i also think it makes shitposts like this more funny hahaah

7. Why did you choose your header? um 👁👄👁 my header is not visible on this blog anymore but it was a picture of kanan and ezra on lothal picked it bcos i love them and the twin moons and the blue bg matched with my icon colour

8. What post of yours has the most notes? i am a jedi, like my father before me but with kanan and ezra which is one of my favourites that i’ve made and i like looking through the tags on that LMFAOO

9. How many mutuals do you have? idk besties how do u find out this information

10. How many followers do you have? 222 angel number isms <3

11. How many blogs do you follow? 139 i shld probably follow more fjkfg

12. Have you ever made a shit post? yes and whenever they get more than like. 30 notes im like hit post!!!!!!!!

13. How often do use Tumblr a day? more than i would like to honestly

14. Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog? no i do use the block button very liberally tho <3

15. How do you feel about ‘you need to reblog’ posts? uhh i don’t think i’ve ever seen one of those on my dashboard but just reblog want u want i guess?? it’s ur blog lol

16. Do you like tag games? yes i think it is cute to think that my mutuals are thinking of me and want to know more about me heehee i don’t always do them though bcos i am either lazy or don’t think ppl care for what i have to say fhdfjk

17. Do you like ask games? yeah i don’t think i’ve ever done them on this blog but if im ever bored and have time i’ll do them!!

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous? uhhhh idk how to gauge what tumblr famous is bgkbmgkm but if we are mutuals ily u are famous in my eyes

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual? not in any serious way obviously but if we’re mutuals, i’m peeling u an orange and giving you a slice. i am making you a cup of warm tea. i am reblogging posts i think you wld like when i see you online in hopes that you see it

tagging @chellilonaaphra @burnhamandtilly @obiewan @milfventress and if u see this and wanna do it just say i tagged you lol, no pressure to do this tho!!!

#this was fun i love talking abt myself fdgjkdfg #personal

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damthosefandoms · 3 years

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@haljordangreenjedi tagged me so….

1. why did you choose your url?

I THINK because I was using the username on another social media platform at the time and I got sick of seeing “julie-teh-fangirl” every time I opened up tumblr. also, having “fandom” in the name was very in back in 2013. I would change it, but I think it’s way too late now, lol. and I was and still am forever a pjo stan, hence the “dam.”

2. any sideblogs?

uh, yeah, but @fastestloseralive is the only one I really use. I have a green lantern one which is @wannabegreenjedi but it’s not worth following bc I basically just use the sideblogs to reblog some posts so I can look at them later lol. I have a couple others saved that I don’t really use and are just there to have the url saved

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

too long. I made it in May 2013 I think? But I didn’t really use it until like, the fall of 2014.

4. do you have a queue tag?

hahahahhahahahah NOPE. I don’t have a queue

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

I think originally it was to find the origin of all the tumblr posts I’d see on Instagram, mostly for pjo stuff but also one direction, mcu, etc. I know I had bad taste let’s move on thanks

6. why did you choose your icon?

because the one before this was fun!! I love Wally. but today I changed it to ace Bart for pride!!

7. why did you choose your header?

flashfam good makes me happy next question

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

I think it’s actually a pjo post from when they announced the tv show, and I’m sure there’s a few I’m not remembering. But I know that this one has a particularly high number of notes, so, you get that.

9. how many mutuals do you have?

I’m gonna explain why in a second, but I have, well, if you count just people I’m follow back, way too many. people I’ve talked to on here once or twice that I reblog shit from? maybe 20ish? idk. My close friends whom I love and speak to every day and cherish and are the people I really genuinely consider mutuals? four. and they know who they are.

10. how many followers do you have?

As of right now, 2935.

11. how many people are you following?

…okay. so for a few years until my follower count got up to like, 800-ish, I used to follow back everyone who followed me. I don’t do that anymore because I’m lazy and I turned off email notifications for new followers. Also, you gotta keep in mind that I’ve been on tumblr a LONG time, and have gone through a LOT of hyperfixations and phases since I got on here, and I never ever bothered to clear out who I was following. So I’m following about 2685 people right now. And I follow back like 800ish of them, so, that’s why mutuals means basically nothing to me. At least not by the definition of who I’m following back. If you’ve talked to me? If we’ve chatted in dm or sent asks or whatever? Then we’re mutuals. I guess. If we talk on discord a lot I consider us friends and if you’re in The Group Chat, well, you know I love you guys, you guys are my best friends. And then there’s Destiny who is literally the only person on earth allowed to call me bestie!!!! ok I’m done now

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

all my posts are shitposts

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

well according to what my phone tells me, in the last ten days I have spent about 18 hours added up on tumblr. So too much. I just get bored! Not my fault.

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

oh probably waaaaaay back in the day. do I remember it? no. I don’t see the point in it though. if you hate me just block me and move on. drama is unnecessary. I’m so tired. I’m here to look at pretty pictures and read about my favorite characters. I’m not here to start pointless arguments with people.

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

if it’s something funny like a cute picture of a dog? great. if it’s guilt tripping people? If it’s just being generally annoying? if I don’t feel like reading stuff that’s going to stress me out etc etc I won’t reblog it. Again, this is just a place for fun. To relax. Tumblr isn’t a newspaper, you know? Just cause I don’t reblog something doesn’t mean I don’t support it. You don’t know what I’m doing or not doing in real life about it. Tumblr isn’t real! You don’t have to reblog stuff if you don’t want to! Life still goes on! I’m sorry for the rant, again, I’m so tired.

16. do you like tag games?

Yes! Do I like tagging people? No!

17. do you like ask games?

Yes! Do they exhaust me sometimes? Also yes! I get stressed about linking back to the og post sometimes and also I never know if anyone will respond to I don’t do them very often but. You know. I love asks, even if I’m slow at answering them lol

18. which of your tumblr mutuals do you think is famous?

I’m gonna skip this one because we all know it’s Destiny. I’m sure there are others too

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

like a “I want to be your friend so bad crush?” sure. A crush-crush? ???? I’m aroace and why would I be in love with people I’ve never met I don’t get that

20. tags

I’m just tagging the last five people in my dms so if you already got tagged or don’t feel like doing it ignore this lol

@huilian @cinnamqn @bi-felicia-hardy @rainbow820 @yeolly-yeost

#I’m so tired is basically how I always am #anyway I kinda joked but really getting called bestie by random people I barely know makes me weirdly uncomfortable so I love you guys but #idk I really can’t explain it I don’t wanna sound like a bitch #it just… feels passive aggressive to me #and makes me feel weird. love you guys tho #tag game #my post #not fandom related

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mittensmorgul · 5 years

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The Tumblr Beta Version: an objective analysis

I was tempted to just type “it sucks.” And while that is an objective analysis, it’s not exactly helpful. I’ve sent several requests to @staff and @support to restore my account to the old tumblr dashboard format, and received the same automated reply twice now. I’ll copy/paste it here so everyone is on the same page:

(lol, I had to go back and edit this, because apparently the beta version doesn’t display block quotes on the dash. So I’ve also put the block quotes in italics... hopefully it’ll display properly... note after editing: nope, it doesn’t display italics either... how the heck am I supposed to differentiate quoted text? I’ll start each quoted bit with an asterisk, I guess...)

*Thanks for reaching out about the beta dashboard.

*We're currently testing it out, and your account seems to have been selected to take part in the test. Thanks for your patience while we work on it! At this time there is not a way to opt out of testing. You may see your Tumblr experience return to normal as we continue testing.

WE CAN ONLY HOPE.

*In the meantime, check out some of the new features available only in the beta dashboard:

OKAY TUMBLR, IF YOU INSIST, though I would MUCH rather have back all the functionality I personally invested into this website through xkit... you know... making the site ACTUALLY FUNCTIONAL. Let’s see what this beta version has given me instead of functionality:

*Change Palettes: Go to the person icon, then click "Change Palette." You'll find the classic Tumblr blue, dark mode, and a few other color palettes for your dash.

So I tried out all the color palettes. In addition to the ones mentioned here, there’s one that’s trying to look like a green screen terminal that gives me flashbacks to the early 80′s. There’s a reason we stopped using green screen terminals... Another one is “canary yellow.” It’s very yellow. The “classic tumblr” isn’t actually classic tumblr... all the post boxes are dark blue with grey type, not white with black type. And all the other colors are the insanely bright fluorescent of the new Dark Blue standard tumblr scheme. Which means links are practically invisible unless I highlight them. It’s migraine inducing. The one theme with a light colored background is called “Concrete” or “Cement” or something like that and even that only works for about half an hour before the migraine aura really kicks in. I just want my Old Blue via xkit back. You know, what tumblr actually used to look like. I don’t want any of these horrible color palettes. None of them work for me.

*The new "meatballs" menu: This is where you can copy the post link, unfollow the Tumblr who made or reblogged the post, or report a violation to our Community Guidelines.

I could do all of this from the user menus with xkit, too. I don’t regularly report violations or have the urge to block people I have chosen to follow. Why on earth would I want to do any of this? And why would I want these features located directly beside the post link copy feature?

You know what I do miss? I miss the xkit timestamps feature. I didn’t have to hover dangerously close to the KILL IT WITH FIRE meatballs menu in order to see when a post was made, and in this era of disinformation and misinformation spreading around this site faster than Covid-19, being able to see when a post was ORIGINALLY created is a far more useful feature than an easier way to block people. For reference: I currently have three blogs blocked. Two of them are pornbots. One is a nazi. If I don’t want someone’s content on my dash, I don’t follow them. This “feature” is entirely useless to me.

*A quick note: Pagination is not supported in this beta test, but we're collecting feedback to send to our engineers.

THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST. This beta test might actually be tolerable if I wasn’t trapped into endless scrolling. If I could page through my dash, refreshing it every ten posts or so. You know why? Because once I scroll about 30 posts down my dash, tumblr starts overheating my laptop under the load of ALL THOSE POSTS. Things start malfunctioning-- it takes longer and longer to load new posts the farther I scroll. And the keyboard navigation (both page down and hitting J to advance to the next post, and even just using the down arrow to scroll as I read a long post) freeze and stop functioning. One of my laptop fans has actually begun to malfunction.

You know why this wasn’t a problem on the old version? If the data load got to heavy, I could open a post in a new tab, click view on dash with xkit, and voila! Brand new tab! I could close the malfunctioning tab and everything would be refreshed to normal! But without pagination, THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE.

Also, after reblogging a few posts, the beta version of this site breaks, and doesn’t open a post tab to add commentary or even tags. It just... reblogs the untagged post with no warning whatsoever. You know... that’s really really not cool. I tag EVERYTHING. Well, almost everything. The tags are the only way to keep track of the 40k+ posts on my blog. And warn people that I am posting potential spoilers, or other specific content. It’s REALLY inconvenient to have to either immediately go to my blog to edit the post and add tags, or even comments. The alternative is to scroll up to open individual posts I want to reblog in a new tab, and then reblog directly there. Ironically enough, THOSE pages actually open with xkit installed, and everything (surprise!) functions perfectly there.

It’s perfectly reasonable to understand why this specific issue has limited the number of posts I reblog. Reblogging content should not be this much of a hassle. Creators have been complaining for a while that reblogs have drastically slowed down, and I think making it even more annoying and difficult to reblog posts will not help this problem.

Also, with xkit enabled, there’s a function that auto-loads images as you scroll, so the images are always visible BEFORE they appear on screen. I don’t have to look at the colored boxes and wonder if this is a post I’ve already seen or something I should sit and wait for. Don’t even think about watching tumblr videos. Loading priority is given to the ads that you cannot pause or dismiss, so that video loads and plays in choppy two second bursts instead of being given priority. Since that’s the content I am actually here to consume, it kinda makes me want to do the opposite of patronizing anyone who advertises here with graphically intense ads. And then when you scroll away, with xkit, gifs and videos you’ve scrolled past STOP loading and playing, which I think might be contributing to the intensity of the resource hogging that’s literally melting down my laptop.

And for reference, I have a pretty decent little gaming laptop. A blogging platform shouldn’t be driving it to the brink of frying itself. I didn’t realize just how much xkit worked to streamline this and provide basic functionality to this site.

*And lastly, if you're an XKit user, know that the XKit team is working hard to update things on their end to make it compatible with the beta dashboard.

And this doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of what I’ve lost without xkit. And this is a really REALLY garbage response to user complaints. “Oh, yeah, sorry we made our site suck even worse, but those nice people who do our jobs for free will surely fix our garbage soon!”

Dear wonderful people at @new-xkit-extension, I love you, and I miss you, and while I wish xkit worked with this beta version I’ve been forced into living with, I truly feel for y’all who are trying to deal with this nonsense on behalf of all of us.

And to the folks at Tumblr... maybe try to just... make your site actually more like xkit. You know, actually functional. None of these special new features are useful or functional to me. I respectfully request for a fourth time to be removed from this inane beta test.

Give us OPTIONS. Let us display ALL THE TAGS without having to click a button. Let me have back my Activity+ that actually allowed me to interact with people from my dash! That showed me real-time inline notifications in a way that I could reply to with a single click! Bring me back to my column of open messaging conversation icons so I have easy access to the people I talk with throughout the day instead of closing them all every time I refresh the page. I already feel socially isolated in freaking quarantine, please stop shutting off all my avenues of communication!

Let us have pagination! I mean, maybe it wasn’t the best idea to force heavy users of this site into a beta version that doesn’t allow us to opt out until your engineers had actually figured out how to make it work in a very basic way.

*Let me know if there's anything else I can help you with!

YES. PLEASE REMOVE ME FROM THIS BETA TEST NOW. I have let you know exactly what I want from this site. I just want it to ACTUALLY WORK. For someone who spends 12+ hours a day on this site, this beta test version is NONFUNCTIONAL. PLEASE ALLOW ME TO OPT OUT. I AM LITERALLY BEGGING YOU. I WILL ACTUALLY PAY YOU CASH MONEY TO ALLOW ME TO OPT OUT OF THIS AND GO BACK TO HAVING A FUNCTIONAL BLOG AGAIN. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!

PLEASE!

I AM OFFICIALLY AT THE END OF MY PATIENCE FOR ENDURING THIS NIGHTMARE.

(one final quick note... I’ve only been back on my dash long enough to make the parenthetical edits-- i.e. adding italics that don’t display and then adding the asterisks at the beginning of each section of quoted text, and already my laptop is overheating again. For reference, I originally typed this entire post from within my tumblr inbox page-- which still functions normally with xkit-- and spent over an hour on it. My laptop was fine the entire time. Clearly the issue is this beta version of the website. I will never forgive tumblr if y’all fry my literal only portal to the outside world at this time. PUT ME BACK TO NORMAL NOW. THIS IS ABSOLUTELY INFURIATING AND ENTIRELY UNACCEPTABLE. Thanks)

(oops apparently i lied... when the asterisks and the previous final note failed to display, I thought that seemed suspicious, and realized that I literally needed to refresh my entire dash in order to see edited changes. Funny how xkit enabled me to do that in real time, which is just another bit of functionality I’ve lost with this beta program. Please guys, this is really, really not working for me at all, just put it back.)

#tumblr problems #staff #support #xkit #was this good enough for you? because I am totally done with this if that wasn't completely obvious #please end my suffering

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kuriquinn · 5 years

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Dear Mr. Kuri, thank you so much for your recent post concerning the young artist who was effectively censored from sharing his/her/their art on a particular subject (just... so sad). I was hoping to get your thoughts on how adults might navigate interactions with minors in this space. Specifically, extending our support for their work w/out necessarily... engaging with them. I know this sounds crazy stupid but before tumblr I wasn't really active on any social media and I had no idea (cont'd)

there were so many users under the age of 16 on this site. I've even come to learn that some identified users I had interacted with early on were as young as 13, and as someone in my 30's - tbh that scared the shit out of me. I totally agree that someone that young and impressionable would be crushed by the kind of criticism that poor artist faced, and would likely never create or share again... to their detriment. The thing is though, I feel really hesitant following any creator (cont'd)

that isn't 18 or older... What are your thoughts on following/reblogging/interacting with minors in fandom? I fully agree that they need support, especially from older users who don't care what some stranger on the internet has to say... but I just feel... like I don't know how to go about that the right way. I really REALLY don't want minors on my blog at all... sorry to bother you with this, just wondering how you'd suggest handling this. I didn't comment on the post bc I didn't (cont'd)

want to risk that young artist reading my inquiry and feeling even more alienated. As always, thank you for your time and insight. - Birk

I may go a bit off-topic here, but let me give this a try:

I think in, In the end, it all comes down to communication and mutual respect.

Adults have this pervading mentality that until a child hits 18, they need to be infantilized and sheltered, but once they pass that magical number, then it’s a free for all. So, for eighteen years, it’s all about sticking a Potemkin village in front of any idea, person or situation that a child might find uncomfortable (read: they don’t like the feelings it gives them; very different from actual harmful ideas/persons/situations). Then, these sheltered almost-adults enter public spaces and expect society to keep doing that…when it turns out that’s not how it works, they become toxic.

This is how poisonous movements like purity-culture develop online, or new fans who demonize older fans and adults as being perverts for enjoying the very same pastimes they have.

For those of us interacting with these people, the automatic reaction is to “cancel” that person, thereby alienating and isolating them even more in their bad behavior. Instead of taking the time to talk with and try to show them through actions that the world isn’t limited to what they know.

As adults in fandom, we know that a large majority of the fandom is younger, because we were them once. We were that 12-year-old discovering fanfiction existed or sharing drawings we made of our original Harry Potter characters or quoting our favorite movies and televisions ad infinite. We got shit for it in real life, so we had to create spaces of our own online.

We, in effect, built fandom so that it would be more welcoming for the generations that came after us. And while a lot of us stick to that unwritten knowledge, as the years pass, a lot more become gatekeepers. They set a standard of what a fan must know or do to be considered a “real” fan, and they’re mean about how they do that.

Is it any wonder that new fans coming in experience this behavior and then jump on the “adults in fandom is creepy” bandwagon?

These new fans coming in, especially tweens and teens, they still live in this false reality where they only get to enjoy themselves and be kids for a limited amount of time, and once they Become Adult they have to give it all up—and can’t figure out why all those old creeps online are still a part of such “childish” things.

That fault lies squarely on our society, which pushes kids from a young age to be thinking of what they want to do when they grow up so they can get out there and start producing, producing, producing for the state and becoming a “useful” member of society.

We as fandom veterans, need to do our best to teach them differently, and that comes right back to my point: communication and mutual respect.

Older fans need to respect newcomers, as much as the new baby fans need to learn to respect their fandom elders. There is no maximum age for fandom; there’s no minimum age, either, although the younger the fan, the more their parents should be keeping an eye out for the truly damaging stuff and teaching their kids how to avoid that stuff on their own.

Now, obviously, people don’t always announce online how old they are (though it does happen more frequently now than when I started writing), but regardless, there should be a certain etiquette to it.

When you interact with someone online, you don’t know if they are 15 or 50. And the way you interact with them shouldn’t change based on knowing their age. We should maintain the same level of respect for the new fans as the older fans.

So, as to how adults might navigate interactions with minors (especially when you know they’re minors)?

Treat them as any other intelligent human being: with respect.

Because how else are they going to learn?

My mom always used to say to us, “I’m not raising children, I’m raising adults,” which basically meant she was teaching us how to be adults. Kids don’t pop out of the womb magically knowing how to interact with the world, they take their cues from the adults that are already there.

Fandom babies learn how to be active participants in fandom from the people who are already there. And they’re more likely to listen to and look up to someone that treats them as a mature and capable being, than someone who dismisses them as too young or too green, or dismisses their knowledge and experience because they haven’t earned their metaphorical stripes.

Remember, a lot of these kids are coming to fandom because they need an outlet. In this age of helicopter parents, this is the only place where they get to be treated as an individual adult-in-the-making instead of the overly protected child or student that must be shielded from the world. A lot of them are trying to figure out how to deal with the horrors that happen to them or around them every day. That 16-year-old girl writing a rape/non-con fic under a pseudonym? She could be exorcising her own demons through the only way she has because no one in her life is listening to her. That 14-year-old writing about homelessness might know more about it than someone twice his age.

Expertise and experience knows no age, and as adults, we need to not fall into the trap of thinking it does. There are some kids out there that have seen and endured more than I can even imagine.

In recent years, there’s been this trend of treating kids like sexless beings until we, the adults, deem them capable of having a sense of sexuality. When the reality is, once kids start puberty, they’re developing that sexuality, and are trying to figure out what it means to them and how to navigate it, and the world. It doesn’t matter if adults are uncomfortable with it, this is what our human biology has decided for us.

And chances are, as much as adults try to curate the world and keep kids from seeing the darker, less safe stuff? They’re already doing it. I saw this when I was teaching, the kids are already accessing and interacting with stuff like sex, drugs, relationships… Whenever a faceless censor tries to block that sort of thing, they find a way around it. Humans are funny like that—we want the things that are kept away from us, whether harmful or not.

It’s our responsibility to help them think critically about what they’re seeing, and teach them to express themselves about it in a respectful manner.

So by all means: follow that amazing artist even if they are only 15. Their age doesn’t negate the fact that they have talent that needs to be nurtured and encouraged. Reblog the images and the fics that strike you, even if you find out the person writing it isn’t 18 yet. Send a shoutout via DM or review or comment to someone that you admire whether you know they’re age or not.

Unless you’re being actively creepy and offensive (and seriously, don’t do that, it’s gross whether the recipient is a minor or not), chances are these creators are desperate for some assurance that the medium they choose to express themselves in is having an effect on people—and that they have the power to make even adults sit up and listen.

So…TL;DR:

When interacting with younger fans, do so with respect. And if they say something problematic, don’t automatically cancel them and write them off as “obviously too young and immature to understand”. They understand more than you think and will seek out their interests whether adults think it’s appropriate or not. That’s how freedom works. But if we’re going to nip bad behavior like purity culture and agism in the bud, we need to start by treating minors in fandom as adults developing their worldview, not as infants to be sheltered.

#longpost #asks #fandom #content creators #content consumers #reading #writing #online etiquette

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