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peace-coast-island · 1 year

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Diary of a Junebug

Paper cranes and aster blossom wine

I’m back with Josie, Richard, and Maddie at Northpass for the Origami Festival. I’ve never been to a paper crafts art fair before so it was fascinating to see all the things you can create with paper!

I haven’t done origami in forever and now that I’ve been exposed to all kinds of paper crafts, I really wanna get back into it as well as pick up some new things. Aside from cranes and stars, I’ve never really delved too deep into origami. I’ll admit, part of it’s because it’s kinda daunting, especially since I’ve never been really the best at folding, which is pretty much what origami is. However I think bookbinding and collaging kinda helped me improve my folding skills so I hope that can be applicable.

The festival was a lot of fun! Along with learning all sorts of cool things like the history of origami and paper making and various craft techniques, there were also a lot of workshops where we could put all that new knowledge to good use. Along with making all those crafts, I also got a good haul from the various artists I met at the event.

I didn’t expect to run into Arabella and Isabelle so that was a nice surprise. That’s part of the reason why I went a little overboard with making origami decor. Not that I mind though, especially since Isabelle wanted to check out the festival to get some inspiration for future events. I can totally see them do an origami gyroid theme thing - I’d be down for that!

It’s not hard to be inspired when you’re surrounded by pretty paper crafts. I know that my collection of paper scraps has gotten out of control but at least I do use them for journaling. Stationery addicts and journaling enthusiasts be like you can never have too much. I mean I do go through pens fairly quickly and make an effort to use stickers and washi tape before going off to buy more so I try to be mindful when making purchases. That means even though I did go a bit overboard, I think it’s worth it since festivals are special occasions.

Meeting up with Josie, Richard, Maddie, and the kids was great. Josie, as usual, took a lot of nice pics that perfectly captured the atmosphere of the festival. Her snapshots are colorful, vibrant, and warm, the kind of vibe you’d expect from a craft fair. And as expected with those kinds of events I got to meet a bunch of cool artists that I’m following now. Josie and Maddie also introduced me to some of their artist friends, Junia being one of them.

After the festival, Daisy Jane and I stuck around for a few more days to meet up with Joe at Beauchamp Ranch. Junia and her partner Nina also tagged along as they’ve joined him up there in reviving the place. I’m glad that Joe decided to reopen the ranch, especially after how things went down in the past. Obviously it won’t be the same but he hopes to at least keep the family’s legacy alive. With Junia, Nina, and Maddie helping out, I know that they’ll succeed.

I’ve heard a lot about Junia and Nina before finally meeting them in person. Junia’s a bit of a newcomer as an artist who’s finally going after her dreams after years of uncertainty. She makes candles, stickers, and art prints, having launched her shop Flickering Dreams almost a year ago, exactly six months after starting HRT. She also runs a vlog series called Becoming Junia where she documents her journey since transitioning. It’s amazing to see how much more confident and self assured she’s grown. Now she and Nina are moving to Northpass to open a new chapter in their lives and I’m looking forward to seeing what lies ahead for them.

Nina’s story is one full of twists and turns, almost like it’s straight out of a romcom, except things weren’t as straightforward. She used to work for the infamous and controversial Love: Hacked as a content creator/writer before getting fired. Her job was to basically string along and mess around with hapless men who have been using the dating app with no success and writing about her experiences. Even though it eventually led her to Junia, it’s not something she’s happy about. A lot of the stuff they made her do was uncomfortable but she didn’t have much of a choice.

So one of Nina’s targets turned out to be Junia, who catfished her with pictures of his former childhood friend. She obviously wasn’t very happy about being duped but she agreed to pretend to be Junia’s date while setting her up with the other guy. Nina wrote about her experience in the article and it really is a fascinating read unlike anything Love: Hacked ever published, which explains the polarizing reception to it.

And like in the movies, Nina and Junia began falling for each other. Unlike the other guys she “dated”, Nina actually felt like she was a part of the family. Her parents told her how she was a positive influence on Junia, who seemed stuck and dissatisfied. Junia’s grandmother quickly took Nina under her wing, which made her feel even worse, especially since she grew attached to her too. The more the charade went on, the harder it was for Nina to tell the difference between what’s real and what’s for show.

Meanwhile there was Junia’s brother, an infamous writer/producer who’s experiencing a downfall at the moment, who was considered the golden child. Nina described him as the kind of guy who always has to be in the center of attention and in a way, that made her defensive over Junia. In light of recent events, I’ve heard a lot of not so good things about him. Junia mentioned in her vlogs that she’s been seeing a therapist and one of the things they talked about was how he treated her over the years. He was the one who exposed Nina and since then it seems like he has a personal vendetta against her.

Ultimately, things ended up working out for the better for Nina. She felt guilty and thought it was best to cut her ties out of fear of causing more problems for Junia and her family. To let out her pent up frustration she wrote her infamous article where she pretty much declared her love for Junia, much to everyone’s surprise. She later said that after realizing how she really felt about Junia, she knew that she could not keep going on doing what she was doing without feeling terrible. After reading her article, Junia managed to catch her at the airport and reciprocated her feelings.

However, the story doesn’t end there, or at least they didn’t get together right away. There was a whole bunch of other stuff they both had to work out before making it official. Junia came forward to her parents about wanting to be an artist and was surprised that they were supportive. Once she got over that hurdle, she came out to her parents about wanting to live her life as Junia and though that took a bit of an adjustment for her parents, they supported her on that too. She also mentioned suffering from gender dysphoria ever since she was little and being with Nina helped her confront these issues head on.

Nina also went through some soul searching and reevaluation, especially when it came to her old colleagues. She knew that after meeting Junia she couldn’t go back to how things were. After getting chewed out by her boss, Nina knew that it won’t be long until she was out and by then she didn’t care. By then, ten years of working for them was taking a toll on her mental and physical health. She later joked about it, saying how she should consider acting since she, a bisexual autistic nonbinary homebody spent over a decade posing as a straight neurotypical woman who goes through dates like napkins.

In the end, while her job took a bad toll on her, she never expected it to literally almost kill her. In came the infamous HoloCon, a content creator convention set up by, you guessed it, Hologram Viral. Nina was forced to make an appearance to represent Love: Hacked despite her reservations as the event has a bad history for reasons like drama and poor planning. They decided to do a foam pit event thing, except they violated a lot of safety guidelines so people ended up falling on fucking concrete. Several people got injured, some were serious and debilitating, like Nina, and for a while the companies tried to cover it up. Nina suffered from nerve damage due to her injuries and that led to a couple surgeries, which then exacerbated the health issues she’d been struggling with but forced to suffer in silence because the company said it made them look bad.

Of course, no one was gonna let Hologram and the other companies pretend nothing happened since people getting injured and/or disabled is pretty fucking serious. Nina and the other victims got together for a lawsuit against Hologram and the others who wouldn’t give compensation. Just recently in the news the victims won so that’s a huge win for them. Hologram, of course, won’t suffer from too much consequences sadly, though Love: Hacked and a few others have taken a huge hit. While it could have been a lot better, at least Nina has finally cut her ties with Love: Hacked for good.

Thankfully, they received a lot of support, though there were some who were less than compassionate. Junia’s brother, for example, co-wrote an insensitive sketch regarding the incident, making fun of some of the victims - Nina being one of them. That, along with his transphobia towards Junia has put him on thin ice with his family. Junia mentioned feeling conflicted as on one hand she feels vindicated that “Mr. Golden Child” really isn’t all that, but at the same time it’s hard to believe that someone you grew up with is capable of being a very shitty person. It kinda reminds me of another situation where a friend’s sibling whose seemingly perfect sibling him turned out to be a wife and child beater which is yikes. I’d feel conflicted too.

As it turns out, this happens to be the first time Junia and her family spent the holidays without him. His brother’s wife decided to take their son up to visit her parents while he was off doing whatever. Junia describes her sister in law as a bit ditzy and superficial but a decent person overall, and because she can be gullible, she sometimes worries about her - Nina says the same. Apparently, in light of recent events, she’s really considering divorce and getting sole custody, which her in laws agree on. Even though Nina and Junia find it a bit hard to get along with her, she has been supportive of both of them in her own way when they were going through tough times so they hope she’s doing okay.

Right now Junia and Nina are in the process of moving here. They have a place up there and hope to fully settle in by the end of the month. Since the fallout with Love: Hacked Nina moved back to her parents’s place and while she says it’s been good being with them, they have gotten a bit overprotective. She reassured them that she’ll take care of herself and keep up with her appointments and such, plus they like Junia so they’ve relaxed a bit. Her and Junia moving to a new place and living together is a big step, one they’ve been looking forward to for a long time.

As for the ranch, Joe’s taking it slow and focusing on one thing at a time. He’s interested in the winery as he feels that has the most potential. Even if the farm and bakery is no longer in business at least they have that. Junia also hopes to be able to set up a physical shop there, but that will depend on how the winery goes. In other words, the ranch’s future seems to hinge on the winery.

So far, it seems like things are promising and the others are pretty optimistic. Part of that has to do with aster blossom wine, which is apparently a rarity. Joe says the ranch has a lot of rare varieties of grapes, aster blossom being one of them. It has a sweet, almost honey like taste with a hint of earthiness and airiness. I can see why this wine is being sought after and why Joe has high hopes about the future.

After the colorful hustle and bustle of the Origami Festival it’s nice to kick back in the quiet of the woods. The crimson maple leaves are as vibrant and warm as ever, breaking through the winter chill. All of us hanging out here, with the open bottles of aster blossom wine and the light fragrance of Junia’s candles lighting up and bringing warmth to the room, the ranch has become livelier.

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#animal crossing #animal crossing pocket camp #Diary of a Junebug #headcanon ramble

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64bitgamer · 1 year

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twocubes · 3 years

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I saw a post of yours that mentioned "weird things trans people like?" I'm not trans (cisgender gay man) but I'm wondering what those are! I've unfortunately been steeped in stories of trans suffering and I want to challenge the idea in my head that being trans is just grind and depression, for the sake of the few trans people I know. Can you link me a few things that are popular with trans people you know, just so I can try to better relate to the community?

I apologize in advance for anything offensive I've said. I'm always trying to avoid making it harder for trans people but my ignorance is still extensive, and I understand if you feel like you're not the right one to give advice.

Thank you!

Preface: TL;DR: Followers, if you have your own examples, please reply to/reblog this post to add them, if you're comfortable.

So, before I start, let me try to reassure you here: you're doing fine in my book, you're just curious, you're finding stuff out. There's a tendency, I think, for people to look at the likes of us and be sort of scared of doing the wrong thing and basically walking on eggshells around us and it, well, can be a bit alienating (I'm sure you've run into stuff like that in your time as a cis gay man. Perhaps you've been forced to be some cis woman's gay best friend? I'm told that's similar) so I'm just, trying to reassure you, everything is alright. I'm not going to bite you. My understanding being neither of us would want that :p

Ok. Now let's get on with the rest of this post.

So, the first thing I'd say is: transness is kind of a miscellaneous bin. There's a lot of different ways to be trans; even if you focus just on binary trans people. So like, because people have very different ways of conceptualizing gender generally, precisely what (say) transitioning means to any given person can vary quite a lot, as an example. Gender is a thing that is reinscribed in every person, and it is reinscribed in every person differently, in a way that you might not notice until you start transitioning and figuring out what you actually want (as a trans person).

This, of course, conflicts with the, like, medical knowledge apparatus that controls whether or not we get the healthcare we need: rather frequently doctors require us to perform, basically, conformance-in-thought to whatever very stereotyped ideal of whatever gender it is we need them to think we want to transition to. This can make admitting to whatever it is we Actually Like kind of, eh, fraught, let's say.

So my point is, there are a lot of different groups of trans people who like a lot of different things, and any given trans person probably isn't going to know about the things liked by people in other unrelated circles; this just because there's a tendency to Keep That Shit Private.

Thus, the stuff that I like(d growing up) isn't going to be massively representative of what other people liked and continue to like.

Ok, now, let's talk about the things I like that other trans people like too, I think.

So, most straightforwardly, there was a lot of like, stories where there are people who switch gender that were not portrayed negatively? Back in the day there was this set of webcomics in which people switched gender all the time (El Goonish Shive etc, although I haven't kept up with those over the years) that I kind of enjoyed; there's a lot of trans women who grew up with Ranma 1/2, which was important to them. I will say that going through those one sometimes has to struggle with them; the authors sometimes take transitioning Actually For Real as a sort of fantasy thing not worth considering, and, yknow, they'll have their own specific theories of gender which might be kind of gross, as always with gender. But, for some of us, it's kind of nice to imagine transitioning as a snap-your-fingers magic thing, and also, everyone has to struggle with the meaning of gender anyways so... it can be important.

I think in those posts you're referencing I mentioned the weird way that I read the spider tanks in the first Ghost in the Shell series? This is sort of indicative of like. A lot of trans women (at least) grow up with like an interest in transhumanisty fiction because, well, this should be fairly straightforward here. One gets a lot of breaking of boundaries re: the body while also not necessarily having to explicitly in the text deal with gender stuff (although it can Be There, of course) which, yknow, can be nice as like, ways to think about what you want without touching the thing that hurts too much. It can be nice.

At this point we run into the fact that this is as far as I've pushed my thinking on this subject/am willing to tell you about; other people on here are more directly engaged in creation and engagement with transness in a fictional context and might have stuff to say on this subject... I will say that growing up there wasn't that much willing to really acknowledge transness, so, the stuff I liked was very one-step-removed...

Anyways. That was longer than expected lol. I like to talk a lot, probably don't expect something like this from arbitrary other trans people.

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thelightofthingshopedfor · 3 years

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1, 2, 3, 9, 16, 26 for the Loki meme~

already answered 1 and 2! and I...meant to answer this a long time ago and it kept getting buried in my drafts.

3. Did someone refer him to you or you found him on your own? A little of both, I guess. @erlkonigstochter watched the first Thor movie before I did and told me it had a quiet overlooked nerd vs. loud popular jock thing going on, so I was kind of predisposed to sympathize with Loki even before I watched it. and then of course I saw it and it turned out Loki was goddamn tragic and also fuck Odin because WHO FUCKING DOES THAT WHEN THEIR KID IS ABOUT TO COMMIT SUICIDE, HOLY SHIT (yeah overidentifying with Loki in multiple ways has always been part of why I love him). I can’t remember if I properly got into the fandom as such until after Avengers, but I definitely didn’t start trying to write my own fic before then, and fandom was very much a feedback loop--gifsets and meta made me notice things I wouldn’t have noticed otherwise (like...I don’t think it even occurred to me that Loki was probably tortured before being sent to Earth until I saw others discussing it and pointing out the onscreen evidence, and then of course it was obvious) and have feelings about those things, and fanart gave me more feelings, and so did fic, which also gave me various ideas. so in the absence of fandom, I think it’s safe to say I still would’ve liked Loki a lot, but it’s hard to say if I would’ve gotten in so deep.

9. Do you have a Loki song list? Answered before but answering again because I want to share a few! currently I have 68 songs on my general Loki playlist, which I rarely listen to because I’m a baby and some of them make me too sad. but! I also have a handful near the end that I’ve been meaning to post as a mini-fanmix, because it’s actually not terribly sad and it’s about a very specific topic: post-IW/Endgame Loki recovering in New Asgard because fuck canon actually, and it’s kind of bittersweet because trauma’s a bitch and he’s going to be dealing with all this shit for a long time but also he’s alive to deal with it and so is Thor and they’ll help each other heal because again, and I cannot stress this enough, fuck canon. so far it’s got: “No Monsters,” Roddy Hart & The Lonesome Fire “Tender Offerings,” First Aid Kit “Falling Slowly,” The Swell Season “Saturn,” Sleeping At Last “Never Quite Free,” The Mountain Goats, which really kinda sums up the whole concept and then some combination of “In Harmony,” “In the Silence,” “Going Home,” or the original Icelandic versions of them, all by Ásgeir. these are all extremely gorgeous songs by the way, the whole list, and most of them are even available on Freegal, if your library has that.

oh and the other super-specific mini-mix is about Loki’s time in the Void, and so far the only one on there that’s a sure thing is “Meet Me in the Woods” by Lord Huron (possibly also “The Yawning Grave” by same). other possibilities include “The Colour out of Space” by Matt Pond PA, “The Cold, the Dark & the Silence” by Sea Wolf, “The Void” by Metric, and “Was There Nothing?” (or its Icelandic version) by Ásgeir, but tbh most of those are based on the title more than the lyrics. also it’s sad.

16. How would rate yourself as a Loki fan from 1-10? (1- casual, 10-stan™) I’m gonna be totally honest here and say that I probably have to admit to 10. I mean--I’ve written a bunch of fic. I’ve made multiple custom figures. I’ve cosplayed five different Loki outfits (all fairly straightforward, but still). and of course, I have an army, which doesn’t even include all the other Loki stuff I have like prints and t-shirts. all of that speaks to a certain level of fanatical dedication, you know?

26. What’s your dream team for Loki? JUST LIKE. A FRIEND. LITERALLY ANY FRIEND, AS LONG AS THE FRIEND IS GOOD FOR HIM I’M REALLY NOT FUSSY but also I always wanted him to team up with the Avengers, you know, the thing that would’ve happened in IW/Endgame if the Russos weren’t such fucking hacks? could’ve even led to working with Nebula! that would’ve been extremely cool but nooooo, we can’t have anything nice! but uh, for things that might actually happen still, teaming up with Wanda would be fun. teaming up with Dr. Strange could also be cool if they both learn to respect each other. so yeah, if all three team up in Dr. Strange 2, I will be just...beside myself.

#iamanartichoke #conversations #ask memes #loki #marvel cinematic universe #music #loki meta #my meta

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britesparc · 3 years

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Weekend Top Ten #472

Top Ten Suggestions for Future Star Wars Games

Concluding an accidental trilogy of Top Ten lists that feature the word “Star”, here we journey back to a galaxy far, far away. This is also one of those lists that’s been bubbling under for quite a while, since the announcement (feels like ages ago now) that Disney have shopped the Star Wars licence around to a number of developers, and we’ll get future games from companies other than EA. But really it goes back even further, because for me Star Wars and gaming are inexorably linked. I associate my teenage PC gaming phase very closely with Star Wars, because it occurred in the mid-nineties, when Star Wars games were truly ascendent. In a run that I would argue stretched from the release of X-Wing in 1993, right through to Knights of the Old Republic in 2003, it felt like just about every genre was getting a nod from the House of Skywalker, and generally speaking the games were excellent. This time also saw the resurgence of Star Wars as a multimedia powerhouse, with the films getting reissued on video (and in Widescreen!) before the 1997 release of the Special Editions, the subsequent DVD releases, and then in 1999, the beginnings of the Prequel Trilogy with The Phantom Menace. You could argue that that’s when the wheels fell off, because even with the “Han Shot First” controversy and mixed reaction to some of the new effects shots, the late-nineties releases had been warmly received, Star Wars felt cool and exciting all the time, and anticipation was building to fever pitch at the thought of new movies. Amidst the Jar Jar hatred there was, I think, a bit more antipathy towards stories set in the Clone Wars, and although there were still some very good games being released (the first LEGO Star Wars came out in 2005!), the spark of the Golden Age was mostly absent.

Could we be entering a new Golden Age, or at least a Silver Age? Maybe; hopefully! I really, really enjoyed Jedi: Fallen Order and Squadrons, even though neither are perfect and both have plenty of rough edges. Now that the Skywalker Saga is out of the way and the franchise as a whole is spreading out into new areas (check out the number of Disney+ shows on the way), perhaps we’ll see all different facets of the galaxy explored in games too. And that’s what this list is: ten possible games, set in the Star Wars universe, that I think would be cool.

For the most part I’m not trying to invent a whole game; rather, it’s “Star Wars in this genre” or “Star Wars with this hook”. There’s probably an exception or two here and there, but you’ll get the drift. Some of these have been in my mental wishlist for years, from right back to when I first played X-Wing on my mate’s Mac, or when I installed a friend’s copy of Dark Forces from floppy disk (we, er, did that in those days). One of the best things about Star Wars is that it contains multitudes; George Lucas really did create a whole galaxy full of weird side characters, intriguing backstory, and funky-looking locations (aided and abetted, of course, by a bevy of talented collaborators). What corner of the universe couldn’t support a game of some kind?

So here’s to the future, to the newly-rechristened Lucasfilm Games, and to ten titles that could all benefit from beginning with those classic blue words on a black background.

Jedi Padawan RPG: I’ve wanted a game like this for about twenty years: a third-person action-RPG where you play a Padawan. You create your character and build your lightsaber, and then follow your master on missions around the Republic, learning the ways of the Force and developing your character. In a way, Fallen Order has adopted some of these ideas; the fact you only use a lightsaber and Force powers, for instance. But in my mind this is more similar to something like the first Fable, or maybe Mass Effect, where you’d have a hub to return to (the Jedi Temple) and then go off on missions that you could choose. All the while there’d be a plot bubbling up, and an arc to follow, and all sorts of quasi-open-world Jedi shenanigans. It’d be cool if they could make lightsabers feel like the really dangerous one-hit-kill weapons they are in the films, or if you could use them to, y’know, open doors and stuff. Maybe this could be set in the “High Republic” era we’re starting to explore.

Deus Ex-style first-person RPG: I suppose this one could be reductively called “Cyberpunk on Coruscant”, but the idea is you’d play someone – not a Jedi, in my mind – going on quests or solving some kind of mystery, shooting people in first person whilst also upgrading your body and abilities in typical RPG style. I wouldn’t want it to be too dark; I don’t like it when people try to make Star Wars “edgy”. But that Mandalorian or Rogue One tone of seriousness interspersed with Star Wars’ typical melodrama and weirdness would be good. I see your character as a small-time crook or maybe a minor mercenary who by circumstance is forced to take missions for either the Rebels or the Empire (or maybe First Order and Resistance); perhaps mirroring Poe Dameron’s journey from spice smuggler to X-Wing superstar. It’d be cool if there was Fallout-style hit-modelling on characters, and if your arm or whatever got damaged, you could have it replaced with a robot one.

Star Wars meets Elite: I even have a title for this one: “Scoundrel”. Basically, like I say, it’s Elite but in the Star Wars universe; you have a ship, you fly from planet to planet, you trade goods or offer passage, you spend your money on upgrading your ship or buying a new one. You’re Han Solo, basically; hence “Scoundrel”. In my mind it’s set at the dawn of the Rebellion, so you can choose where your allegiances – and your ethics – lie. Take on official Imperial assignments? Help their war effort? Stay neutral but legal? Stay out of the politics, but, y’know, smuggle a little bit? Run a bit of spice? Or do you go all-in and work for the Rebellion – even take part in military action? Maybe it could even run all the way up to Return of the Jedi and give you the chance to fight in the Battle of Endor! C’mon, this one has “hit” written all over it.

Clone Troopers turn-based “Tactics” game: by “Tactics” I mean like X-COM or, well, Gears Tactics; turn-based team combat games. I think of all the groups of military characters most suited to this style, it would be the Clone Troopers; they’re a well-organised military force that functions as part of a team. We know there are loads of types of Troopers, with different uniforms for different jobs, so there’s lots of room for customising your team, as well as experimenting with different classes. Plus if they die there’s more to come, they’re just in vats! Get Temuera Morrison to voice them all for added authenticity.

A point-and-click adventure: this was the first ever idea I had for a Star Wars game, because at the time I was really, really into adventures. This could be anything; I’m not too fussed on the plot. Some kind of mystery obviously lends itself to the format. Whether you play as the same character all the way through or switch protagonists (a common genre trope), I don’t mind. But I want it to be a fairly straightforward, old-fashioned point-and-click game, with no action or QTEs. Make it look like Thimbleweed Park, make it look like Clone Wars or Rebels, make it look as real as possible, it’s all fine; just give me a slow-burn narrative adventure story in the Star Wars universe please.

Lemmings, but with porgs: yeah, there’s nothing more to add to this. Maybe you play one of the Space Nuns, or even Chewbacca, and you have to help out all these crazy porgs? They’re just wandering around, getting into mischief, chewing on the Falcon or playing with a lightsaber, and they’ll kill themselves if you don’t help. That’s it. That’s the game. Lemmings, but with porgs.

Rebel base construction/management game: my template here would be stuff like Evil Genius or Two Point Hospital: real-time games where you build different rooms or services in a given play space. So, the Rebels are constantly darting all over the galaxy, setting up shop temporarily and then evacuating when the Empire comes a-calling; here, you have to kit out the different bases, often to service different aims (a recon base, an aerial support base, a training centre, etc), and in different planetary conditions (think Hoth, Yavin, or Crait). Obviously there are essentials: communication, power, accommodation. Then you can build starship docks, weapons arrays, bacta tanks, astromech services, even Jedi training rooms. Instead of attracting “customers” the idea is to be recruiting new Rebels, so the bigger and better your base, the more troops you have. Maybe there can even be some kind of meta-game where the progress of the war is smoother if your bases are better? But there’d be virtually no combat, apart from maybe shooting probe droids or scaring away wampas. Anyway, I think it sounds cool.

Rebel Commandos cover-shooter: I guess this could also be a Clone Trooper game, but we’ve already had a Clone FPS, and I just invented Clone Tactics up the page a bit, so let’s spread the love. It’s basically Gears of War but with the Rebel Alliance. Think about the Battle of Endor or the Battle of Scarif; teams of well-trained and battle-hardened troopers up against superior odds but still kickin’ ass. Unlike the rent-a-clone nature of the Tactics game, this would be more story-driven, with a small team (four, maybe, as it’s a good number for co-op) who have to infiltrate and/or assault heavily-fortified enemy positions. I think this could be good with a nice narrative behind it, fleshing out the Star Wars universe, and maybe offering a bit of those Rogue One-style shades of grey.

Fallout Shelter-style Jawa Sandcrawler management game: utini! Jawas are great aren’t they? Whether it’s electrocuting Artoo, cheering at podracers, or just eating the shit out of a great big egg, everyone loves a good Jawa. How can you make a game about Jawas? Well, what about if you’re this tribe or group or whatever of Jawas, and you’ve got your own knackered sandcrawler. And as part of the game you have to develop it, tart it up a bit, recruit new bands of Jawas, and then, y’know, rob droids and flog ‘em. Like Fallout Shelter, you have to build and maintain different rooms in the sandcrawler to grow your people and earn more cash from droids, but you’re constrained a little by size. The sandcrawler can’t be expanded too much, and although you could upgrade to bigger ones, you have to make strategic decisions about where to allocate precious space. I see this as being quite low-fi and stylised (bring back Yoda Stories!), and working as a kind of chilled-out time-wasting game on Switch or something.

Homeworld, but in the Clone Wars: and we’re back to the Clone Wars again! But here, we kind of have to, as it’s the only war in the Star Wars wars that features two huge and evenly-matched armadas (Rebels vs Empire and Resistance vs First Order are both very much “scrappy underdogs up against vast organised militaries”). Playing as the Republic or the Separatists, you have to maintain huge fleets of capital ships, support craft, fighters and bombers, and go on missions to attack, defend, or escort. It’s probably the best way to recreate the feeling of that absolutely vast battles we see in the opening minutes of Revenge of the Sith. Maybe an add-on could even give us ground battles too, recreating scenes such as the Battle of Geonosis. Anyway, sounds cool don’t you think?

Incidentally – and speaking of the Star Wars of it all – this is the first week that we’re not watching a War for our family movie night. We’ve done ‘em all! All the episodes of the Skywalker Saga, the two live-action spin-off movies, and even (well, me an’ the eldest) the animated Clone Wars movie. I might do another Top Ten ranking them, based on the kids’ opinions; that’d be interesting. Although – of course – we’ve only got a couple of weeks to wait until the two Ewok movies hit Disney+. What a time to be alive!

Now, the Ewoks – there’s a good idea for a game there…

#top ten #star wars #games #gaming #lucasarts #lucasfilm games #jedi knight #fallen order #squadrons

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raichukfm · 4 years

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To a confused anon: I’m here to offer my assistance, as best I can. As a fair warning, I have a bad habit of shoving my foot right in my mouth and coming off as an ass, but I promise that’s not what’s intended here. Also, I spent a lot of words on all this. If you don’t want to read a lot of words, scroll down past the break a bit and read the bolded bit, because that’s the most important part, I think. Also, anybody seeing this because they’re following me, this is here to show somebody else, so you can read it if you want but keep that in mind I guess.

Step one, as I am a real trans woman who happens to be gay, I can speak pretty authoritatively that this is gay. Because I’m a woman, and I like women. So it’s gay when I like cis women, and equally as gay as when I like trans women. If I hypothetically liked a cis man or a trans man, that wouldn’t be gay, and also I’d find out I was bi I suppose. If I liked someone that wasn’t a man or a woman I’m not really sure what word I’d use for that, but that’s not really the point. Sexuality, sexual orientation, and sexuality are complicated things. But, generally, what you are attracted to is someone’s gender. You may also be attracted to their sex, or you might not. It’s possible to be attracted to someone’s sex and not their gender. It’s possible to be attracted to someone because of an incorrect perception of their gender. It can be messy; real life is messy. Generally, people will define their own sexual identity in regards to their gender, because that’s what most people care more about in their identity. Usually, that aligns with sex, which is pretty cool, but when it doesn’t for someone, the person generally thinks of themselves as that gender that they are. That’s... kinda the point. So, if you were exclusively attracted to women, you would think yourself straight if you’re a man, and lesbian if you’re a woman, regardless of if you were cis or trans. Similarly, most people are attracted to gender; specifically, gender presentation. It’s by definition more visible than gender identity or sex, and also coincides with both, most of the time, though it can coincide with only one or neither, in other cases. You sort of have to learn or infer those. However, people don’t only care about gender presentation. (Okay, some people probably do.) Which has two major components: 1. People almost always care about a potential partner’s gender identity. It’s just a basic interpersonal thing, even if it doesn’t impact one’s preferences. And if there is a preference, it’s not necessarily a dealbreaker, but... If you like men, then finding out someone you find attractive is actually a woman would probably tamp that down a bit. For one, they are likely (although not necessarily) going to adapt their presentation to be less masculine in the future, but even beyond that... They’re a woman. That in itself can put you off. It’s also possible for that to interface with romantic attraction more than sexual attraction. And that’s okay. A good thing to keep in mind is that your feelings are just feelings. It’s possible for them to go against your self-concept, or have unfortunate implications. Feelings aren’t conscious beliefs. So if you’re attracted to someone for their sex, but aren’t attracted to their gender identity, that’s just an awkward coincidence. No more, no less. Don’t let it get to you, and don’t be a creep or jerk about it. If someone’s gender identity changes, or they come out to you as a different identity than you had previously thought, and that’s not congruent with your sexual or romantic orientation, that’s okay. It can definitely be worthwhile to stick together and see if it works out, because it genuinely might. But it’s also entirely legitimate to split up because of it. The thing is, if this was someone who you cared about, that shouldn’t go away even if your attraction does, so be kind and supportive. They might need distance, or you might, I’m no relationship expert, but do your best to help both of you through something like that. 2. People often care about a potential partner’s sex. This is not a controversy-free take, but it is entirely legitimate to be attracted or not attracted to a sex regardless of gender. That’s fine. Feelings are feelings. There is however, as in all things, an onus not to be a jackass about it. If you are attracted to cis women, but not attracted to trans women, just treat them decently, and turn them down nicely when you must. If you’re attracted to cis men, but not attracted to trans men, just treat them decently and turn them down nicely when you must. If you have a strong preference for or against a certain kind of genitalia or other sexual characteristic, that’s legitimate. But if you’re together with someone and then find out they’re not what you’re attracted to in some respect, you still have to be a good person about it. You don’t owe anybody affection, romance, or sex, but you have to be decent. That goes for physical features the same way it goes for habits, beliefs, anything else. I think what leaf brought up with the fetishizing thing is that a lot of the time the people who (loudly) care about a trans person’s sex treat this as, well, a fetish. And while I think it’s fine to fetishize whatever, a lot of the time that fetishization of a concept involves treating real, actual people shittily, reducing them to objects or . It’s not an inherent quality to caring about someone’s sex I use “care about” a bit broadly there, such that it doesn’t necessarily mean “have a preference about”, because some people genuinely don’t have preferences about gender identity, or about sex, or about either, but still wouldn’t really disregard those. This is maybe muddying the water a tad, but oh well. This is mostly focused on binary gender identities, because the whole straight/gay etc. terminology is mostly focused on those, but the general principles also include nonbinary people. I’d elaborate, but I think it’s pretty straightforward how they fit in. The short of it: If you’re attracted to someone, whether that attraction would be classified as “straight” or “gay” is most respectfully contingent on your respective gender identities. It may be useful to understand your own sexual attraction as contingent on the other person’s gender presentation or sex instead, when it’s not congruent with their gender identity, but I’d stress that’s only for understanding your own feelings. Whatever horny part of your brain might not get the relevant nuance, but you’re a whole intellect, so you don’t get that excuse. If you’re romantically/sexually attracted to somebody you intellectually wouldn’t consider a romantic/sexual partner, that doesn’t invalidate your orientation, but it doesn’t invalidate their identity, either. That’s a bit long for something I’m calling “the short of it” but brevity has never been among my skills. As for another point that apparently came up in asks, about the very nature of gender identity as a thing, I’m going to do my best to crack that nut. I think there is a very simple case to be made: Gender identities exist. If you ask someone, there’s a likely chance they’ll feel pretty strongly that they have one. They might tell you they’re a man, or a woman, or something else. People who don’t believe they have a gender will probably feel fairly strongly that they don’t have one. Even people who don’t believe in transgender or nonbinary people almost always believe in this, even if they want to call it something else. Your gender identity is the gender, if any, that you identify as. We’re just defining the term as that. It turns out, people generally tend to identify with genders (or at least sexes), so we have a term that refers to an idea and correlates with observed reality, so... We have a real thing! Score! I belabored the point a bit, but that’s just the thing. The argument against transgender or nonbinary people tends to be that gender identity isn’t a real thing, that it’s denying reality, or that it’s . But... You can verify it exists. It has to. And it doesn’t obey any restriction to only being two genders, because you can see a sizeable amount of people whose stated identities don’t obey that restriction. I mean, you can disbelieve this, you can think essentially everyone is lying, but that’s a bit of a reality denial position. So the question isn’t “Does gender identity exist?”, because that question has an answer you can’t actually reasonably deny. The question is “Does gender identity matter?” and, um... Again, I’ll invoke the argument that most people care about it. Cisgender people usually care about their gender identity, including those that think it inextricably linked to their sex. Transgender people certainly care about it. What grounds is there to think it doesn’t matter? The arguments I see all tend to rest on this assumption that this is a made up thing, but... It’s not, as earlier stated. It’s based on thinking gender identity must necessarily align with sex, but; you have to just arbitrarily assume that; there’s no justification for this other than it appears to be obviously true to some people. But “It’s obvious, duh” isn’t really an argument. “It’s basic biology” also isn’t an argument. Sex is a fairly basic biological idea, although it’s itself considerably more complicated than just XX chromosomes = biologically female and XY chromosomes = biologically male. But gender identity is a thing to do with your mind. Ergo, it’s your brain, and as it happens, that’s considerably more advanced biology. There’s no obvious reason why a mental self-conception should necessarily correlate with biological sex, and the observable evidence doesn’t point to such a necessary correlation, since transgender and nonbinary people exist. Given that gender identity exists and people care about it, I think there’s a pretty clear case to make that you should respect other people’s gender identities: They want you to. It’s kind. It’s at best rude not to do it, and being rude is one of those things generally agreed to be bad. It’s a whole archetypical way for things to be considered bad, in fact. Any argument in good faith based on psychology will pretty easily come to the conclusion that it should be respected, because that’s the field consensus. The studies show it helps people deal with gender dysphoria to be treated as the gender they identify as. All the anecdotal evidence in the world is there to show you people overwhelming prefer to be treated as the gender they identify as. And the utilitarian counterarguments are... that it poses logistical issues? That’s okay, those can be addressed. That it makes some people uncomfortable or annoyed? It’ll probably be easier for them to get over that and adjust to the way things are. That accepting it will lead to some disastrous consequences? Well that’s... I mean it’s already largely accepted. Last I heard, there hasn’t been any disastrous wave of disastrous consequences here to foreshadow the coming storm. So, to put this aside, if you don’t understand gender identity: That’s okay. It’s messy, but relatively simple. People feel like they are a certain gender, and want to be accepted and treated as that gender. (Or feel they have no gender and want to be accepted and treated accordingly.) That’s the same for cis and trans people. Whether or not that gender correlates to any physical or biological feature in them isn’t really the point of it, because it’s a mental thing. No physical part of you directly correlates to what your name is, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t important to you, for instance. (And, as a last note, if you’ve seen a statistic that the rate of suicide attempts don’t fall after one transitions, it’s being grossly misrepresented. Every time I have seen that with its actual source given, if you follow said source, you find the statistic is from a question being asked about whether the person ever attempted suicide in their life. So, someone who was suicidal pre-transition who lost those suicidal tendencies after transitioning would still answer “yes”, and thus be marked down as such and post-transition. Therefore, the fact that the percentage was roughly the same for pre- and post-transition people says exactly jack shit about the effectiveness or lackthereof of transitioning for suicidal ideation. Every other piece of evidence I’ve seen points to transitioning, and more generally affirming someone’s gender, helps with the negative effects of gender dysphoria. Of course, don’t listen to me. Look it up. But I implore you, basically never trust someone’s summary of the research, at least not totally; the media all too often sucks at summarizing science, and average people are often worse, and that’s without an ideological axe to grind. Find the source if you can. You don’t necessarily have to read the whole thing, but check the abstract or such. As an example, I had a college textbook claim that “Women use their whole brain during conversations, while men use only half”, with a citation to an I think Wired article that restated a BBC website article that incredibly poorly reported on a paper that was actually about putting people in MRI machines listen to books on tape. Women had more activity across both hemispheres of the brain while men had activity more centered around one. It was about strokes and how signals travel across the brain, not communication. Professionals can cock stuff up bad. I’m not saying “Don’t trust the news” or “Don’t trust anybody”, but it doesn’t hurt to check into things as much as you can, and that goes doubly so for research and science.)

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eloissaadni · 4 years

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10 Signs Someone Is Trying to Blackmail You

Blackmail is a heavy word. Luckily, this crime isn’t committed very often against regular, everyday folk – but emotional blackmail is. Emotional blackmail is a fairly straightforward concept. It involves getting someone under your control through the use of psychological manipulation and mind games.

The problem with this kind of blackmail is how subtle it can be. You think you’re not susceptible, but master blackmailers are capable of slowly but surely creeping their influence under your skin when you’re not paying attention. That’s why you need to be aware of the red flags for this behavior.

HERE ARE 10 SIGNS SOMEONE IS TRYING TO BLACKMAIL YOU

1. GUILT-TRIPPING

Guilt-tripping is very common behavior from emotional blackmailers. The goal is to make you feel bad for something you’ve said or done, or to feel bad for them. Blackmailers hope that this will make you cave in and compromise on your beliefs or statements out of sympathy.

Primarily, guilt-tripping uses your compassion against you. It gets even worse if the blackmailer has the support of other people. The tricky part about all of this is that, usually, an expert emotional manipulator will never need to blame you openly.

They’ll imply your guilt somehow, often through phrases like:

“It’s not like I (insert things they’ve done for you) just to help you out before or anything.”

“Yeah, it’s just that I tried hard at this, but whatever.”

“I guess it’ll be difficult for me, but maybe I’ll be able to figure something out.”

“I just thought it would be a great symbol of our friendship/relationship, but if you don’t feel the same, I guess I can learn to handle that.”

“So I did this because you don’t care about me much, anyway.”

“I talked to (insert person), and they agree with me on this that you’re unreasonable.”

“I mean, you owe me, don’t you?”

“Are you sure you want it to leave this like this, with me in this situation alone?”

2. GASLIGHTING

Gaslighting involves twisting situations, events, or statements into something that didn’t happen. Basically, it means that emotional blackmailers will try to change a story to best suit their whims, even if that’s not what happened. It can mess with your mental health, positive thinking, sense of self, and, eventually, your perception of reality.

Gaslighters have a way of making you feel like you’re losing your mind, and in the long run, this can be extremely damaging. Here are some common phrases gaslighters use:

“You’re crazy, that’s not what happened at all.”

“Actually, it happened in the way I remember it. Don’t you recall?”

“Lighten up! It’s just a joke.”

“You’re a little sensitive, huh?”

“You’re really overreacting to this.”

“Why even bring this up? Let it go.”

“I never said or did those things. You must have imagined it.”

“You’re always reaching all the wrong conclusions.”

“Don’t be so insecure.”

“Maybe you need some mental help.”

“If you’d been listening or paying attention, you would know that…”

“You’re reading into this whole thing too much. It’s not that deep.”

Stand up to gaslighting by reiterating that what they described is not your reality and stand by what you remember.

3. PROMISES OF INCENTIVES

Some blackmailers offer some incentive to convince someone to do as they please. They may offer a gift or a favor, or, more menacingly, they may dangle something they know means a lot to you over your head and imply that they could find time to do it if you do something for them first.

Conversely, if someone has already done something nice for you in the past, they may use that old favor to convince you that it’s time for you to do something for them.

4. “PROTECTION”

Many emotional blackmailers like to take on the role of a protector because they can do whatever they want under the guise of such “protection.” Someone who is trying to blackmail you will likely be very controlling and claim it is for the greater good. They may say things like:

“I do all of this for you.”

“I’m just looking out for you.”

“I care about you, that’s why I’m doing this.”

“Don’t you appreciate all I’ve done for you?”

“I only have your best interests at heart.”

Primarily, they use this as a means to control those around them while pretending not to be blackmailers – an easy success for them, as most emotionally abused individuals have difficulty characterizing mistreatment of any kind as abuse. Some even positively view those actions.

It’s important to remember that the kindness of anyone towards you does not make you indebted to them. You are under no requirement to put up with things you aren’t fond of just because someone has positive intentions – and especially if those intentions are secretly bad ones in disguise.

5. PUNISHMENT

There are healthy ways to get some time and space to process a disagreement. Discipline is not one of them. This involves a blackmailer letting you know indirectly that you’re to blame for what happened and that you must suffer consequences:

Ignoring you for hours on end after an argument

Giving you the cold shoulder for days

Trying to make you feel anxious, jealous, or angry

Refusing to acknowledge your sadness or emotions

Withholding information from you to spite you

These seem like insignificant things, but what they do is slowly but surely teach you that fights, disagreements, or other problems will lead to a “punishment” of sorts, which will make you feel even more terrible. You may begin doing everything you can to avoid these disagreements

6. MENTIONS OF HARMING THEMSELVES

An emotional blackmailer may threaten to harm themselves, instead of threatening to harm others. They are banking on the idea that you would be frightened for them, so they imply that if they harm themselves, it will be you who is to blame. They may say things like:

“I will hurt myself if you don’t do this for me.”

“I’ll probably just end my life if even you aren’t willing to help me.”

“If you go, I’ll commit suicide.”

“I hope you know that if I don’t wake up tomorrow, it’ll be because of what you did.”

“I guess I’ll just have new scars after having to deal with this all on my own, huh?”

Emotional blackmailers believe that these threats can help them gain control over you. There are also less severe versions of these kinds of threats that don’t mention physical self-harm but still count as emotional blackmail. These statements can include:

“Do this for me, or I’ll be really upset”

“I’d be so unhappy if you didn’t help me out with this”

“I’ll probably cry all night long if you don’t do what I asked”

“I thought you cared about me enough to do this, and I’m hurt that this relationship is more one-sided than I thought.”

“You’re going to ruin my whole night!”

7. CALCULATIVE BEHAVIOR

An emotional blackmailer is often calculative, as this is the best bet they have at controlling you with factual or statistical evidence. The numbers don’t lie, but a healthy friendship or relationship of any kind doesn’t involve perfect 50/50 split rules – they require an exchange of giving and take. A blackmailer may perform the following calculative behaviors:

They do things for you to get something in return

Keeping a perfect score of how much you’ve done for each other

Always expecting you to make up for the time they’ve spent on you

They use their past positive behavior as proof that you owe them something

8. BLAMING

Emotional blackmailers never want to be in the wrong. They will always find a way to shift blame onto you, refusing to take responsibility. Common phrases include:

“Look what you made me do!”

“I had no way of knowing about that.”

“You should have been clearer.”

“I only did it because of what you did first!”

“This isn’t my fault.”

“You should have stopped me.”

9. THREATS

Blackmailers very commonly make threats to get what they want. They behave this way to gain control over the situation. Indeed, you have to either obey or risk their wrath. Here are some of the common threats performed by emotional blackmailers.

· THREATS AGAINST THEMSELVES

We’ve already covered this, but it warrants saying again: an emotional blackmailer may threaten to injure themselves so you will feel guilty and do whatever you can to not be to blame for such an event.

· THREATS AGAINST WHAT YOU CARE ABOUT

An emotional blackmailer may threaten to break your belongings, hurt the people you love, or ruin your chances at something. These are all hazardous signs of aggression and should not be taken lightly.

· THREATS AGAINST YOU

If someone is making threats against you, this is a serious matter, and you should go to the police and spend the night with people you can trust. Many people make the mistake of brushing off threats with positive thinking, but many physically abusive relationships begin with emotional abuse. Protect yourself.

10. REPEATED SHAMING FOR FLAWS

It’s okay to be honest and direct about someone’s flaws. But always harping on every minor misstep someone makes is not healthy at all. Someone who wants to blackmail you may do these things to lower your self-esteem so they can get through to you in your compromised state.

This behavior can cause you to doubt yourself, and it can even make you anxious and afraid. You may second guess everything you do, only to have the blackmailer assure you that only they are being honest with you. This will cause you to rely on them more than they deserve, and it may make you feel like no one else could like you, so you’re stuck with them.

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thepetulantpen · 5 years

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Winter’s Crest

(Ended up much longer than I thought but here’s Caduceus giving the Nein gifts as a Christmas present for the critters)

Caduceus is, predictably, an incredible gift giver. He knows people and he knows what they want, sometimes before even they know. He may not always understand why they think such things are necessary, but he knows they at least think they know what they need.

It makes preparation for Winter’s Crest fairly straightforward. As straightforward as it gets for this group, anyway.

Which is not very straightforward at all, as Caduceus discovers that some of them don’t even celebrate Winter’s Crest- apparently, it’s a regional thing- or really any holidays, especially those that involve gift giving. It’s complicated, as it always is for the Mighty Nein.

But he knows, at least, that his gifts will be good and he thinks that’ll make up for the complicated dynamics.

The morning of Winter’s Crest is not a morning of uproarious celebration, as Caduceus had anticipated. He would’ve thought he’d mixed up the date if not for the passing mutterings of “happy Winter’s Crest” through the bar and the sparse white and blue decorations.

He supposes the level of holiday cheer doesn’t particularly matter. He’s got a mission to complete and lots of fickle people to reason with.

Caduceus finds Fjord lagging just behind the others, finishing breakfast in the tavern as the rest scurry off to their respective mischief.

For Fjord, Caduceus has something he picked up quite a while ago, during another time by the sea, just before they became pirates, long before they found Molly again, and longer before they began travelling north, aiming for a nearly nameless spot in the woods.

For Fjord, Caduceus has something that he thinks, that he hopes, will ground him, will remind him, will clear the waters of his mind, muddied by power and those who wield it.

For Fjord, Caduceus has a trinket, something small of the sort children always beg for when they pass cajoling street vendors, of the sort that tourists always point at, of the sort that serves as an impulsively bought souvenir, reminiscent of a walk along the port.

“Caduceus, I don’t know what to say,” Fjord winds the tiny thing, barely a toy and yet so much more, and looks back at Caduceus as it slowly whirs to life, “Thank you.”

“Thought you could use a reminder of home,” Caduceus smiles, soft and easy yet inscrutable, “I always find that remembering where I came from can help me find the way forward.”

Fjord has magic in his eyes, a child’s joy intent on a magician reading his mind and on a wind-up crab that glitters like a precious treasure in the dimmed lights of the tavern, a treasure that seemed unobtainable in his youth, now easily bought. He looks like he wants to say something, wants to ask more, but he just nods, treasuring the advice as much as the gift.

...

Caduceus finds Caleb wandering off by himself, discreetly, so as not to distract the rest of the party, trying to seek out materials for his own goals. Caduceus supposes he may be looking for books or spell casting materials or some other mystery item to feed those dark impulses lurking in his head but he hopes that his gift will be just as satisfying.

For Caleb, Caduceus has something he thinks will be good for him, something apart from those great, overreaching goals, something that’ll make him happy now and perhaps keep him happy, for a while.

For Caleb, Caduceus has a gift small enough for him to accept, small enough for him to justify even in his self-loathing, far enough removed from his own well-being that he’ll allow it.

For Caleb, Caduceus has a brush in the shape of a cat paw, bristles gentle and handle covered in soft fabric, crafted especially for a loving cat owner.

Caleb smiles softly, huffing a short laugh in surprise at the gift, not what he expected. He looks relieved to have something mostly inconsequential placed in his hands, nothing grand that he would have to calculate a repayment for, nothing grand that he couldn’t allow himself to have. No, nothing grand, but something nice, nice to use in nervous, quiet moments, with one of his only safe spaces.

“Caduceus, you know I appreciate this gift, but Frumpkin is not a real cat, you realize?”

“Of course, Caleb. But that doesn’t mean it can’t have nice things, for the times it does exist with us. You know,” Caduceus studies that reluctant little smile of Caleb’s and wishes he did that more often, “I’ve found that most everything, and everyone, deserves something nice sometimes.”

Caleb shifts and almost shakes his head but seems to decide against it, eyes cast back down towards the brush, away from Caduceus and his words. He nods a little, not convinced but willing to pretend, and smiles down at the brush, letting himself have this.

...

Caduceus finds Yasha by herself as well, not purposefully like Caleb, but by instinct when the rest of the group off is doing something she feels she can’t. The easy chaos of the Mighty Nein is not so easy for her, not being around as much and not wanting to socialize.

For Yasha, Caduceus has something she could’ve found herself, something that many people have given her, something everybody knows she’s fond of and another something that she hasn’t, but should’ve, been given long ago.

For Yasha, Caduceus has something that not everybody knows why she wants, something that he can only guess the half of, something that is perhaps as meaningful as it is abundant and another something that he’s given to many people over his many years.

For Yasha, Caduceus has a misfit bunch of flowers, for their variety rather than their beauty, and a whisper in her ear, for its gentleness rather than its intimacy.

Yasha smiles through her tears, happy to see Caduceus knows what to say. Expert words from the maker and protector of graves, kind words from a new friend.

“I know she’s never really gone.” She whispers too, not letting this private, grieving moment travel farther than her and Caduceus.

He touches the flowers and tells her, “She lives in the flowers that grow from the earth where she lays, in the rain that feeds them, and in the sky where it is all born. She lives in your heart and your mind so,” he pauses and smiles to match her, “you should try to keep it a happy place to live.”

Her tears do not diminish the value of her smile, enduring like a flower growing in the cracks of a road, or a tough as nails barbarian with a broken heart.

...

Caduceus finds Beau next, catching her supervising, or, more accurately, spectating, some chaos, waiting for her moment to shine. Caduceus hates to interrupt, but he’s not sure when he’ll get another chance to speak with her alone.

For Beau, Caduceus has something that the iron workers gave him a strange look when he mentioned, something that’s pretty rad, if he does say so himself.

For Beau, Caduceus has something that is perhaps not very important in the long run, but is certainly something she’ll like, something more special, more shiny, more cool than what she has at the moment, and it does certainly have a meaning that she may appreciate, a meaning vague enough to brush away if his hunch is wrong.

For Beau, Caduceus has a set of well-made throwing stars, shape familiar to no one but Beau, made to last longer with more flair, purple eyes deliberately inset at their centers.

Beau squints at Caduceus, seeing the symbols, but doesn’t question them, just grins at the new weapons in her hands.

“These are pretty cool, Duce. Thanks.” Beau claps a hand on his shoulder, casual gesture not so casual from distant, curt Beau.

“They’ll probably last you a bit longer than the old ones. It’s important to hold onto some things, especially when they mean something to you.”

Beau weighs the throwing stars in her hands, peering at the eyes with her piercing gaze that sees through enemies and allies alike, as if prying information from this inanimate object. She grunts in what could be called agreement by a generous witness and smiles again, not the strained, forced one, but the natural, instinctual one that everyone, no matter how grumpy, has within them.

...

Caduceus finds Molly not alone, never alone, if he can help it, but with Yasha, lounging lazily after an energetic day of hijinks. They make a good pair, loudness and quietness fitting together like puzzle pieces, Caduceus doesn’t want to break it up. Luckily, he doesn’t have to, as Yasha sees him and excuses herself, disappearing easily without resistance from Molly’s unconditional acceptance.

For Molly, Caduceus has something that required him to make friends with weavers and fabric workers all through town, something that took quite a bit of preparation in advance to get just right.

For Molly, Caduceus has something he should have never been without, something that even Caduceus, who did not know him before, thinks he looks incomplete without, something that pulls together this fascinating mixed bag of a person.

For Molly, Caduceus has a new coat, just as vibrant as the torn and bloody one stolen away and just as shiny as the dirt covered and potential filled one left behind, a coat with all the true colors and false gems the world has to offer, arranged in largely nonsensical patterns.

Molly’s smile is brighter than the sun and the stars and the moons all put together and is certainly not a rare commodity but it is a delightful one.

“Thank you, Mr. Clay. This is amazing, I love it.” Molly grabs him in a hug, pulls back too soon, kisses him on the cheek, and pats him on the back, indecisive flurry of affectionate movement, trying to fit as much into every precious moment as he can.

Caduceus smiles at Molly, not willing to dampen the frantic cheer even if he sees the death and the unresolved mysteries hanging like clouds over his twice risen head, especially on such a wonderful holiday.

“It’s different, but change can be nice. That’s the most important lesson I’ve ever been taught- that something can beautiful in all its forms, no matter how changed or unrecognizable.”

Molly tilts his head, caught between understanding and cluelessness, but rights it in the next second, deciding to be confident no matter his interpretation. He’s much too busy twirling and admiring the new coat to get too caught up in philosophy, anyway.

...

Caduceus finds Nott and Jester together, partners in crime and in solving crime, relaxing after a successful day. He meant to make gift-giving a private matter, but he supposes these two will be fine.

Jester scoots close, eager, and Nott scoot backs, nervous.

Caduceus makes the logical choice for who to start with.

For Jester, Caduceus has multiple somethings, somethings to spoil Jester in the way she is surely accustomed, somethings from himself, from home and from a favor he had to pull.

For Jester, Caduceus has something delivering the love she’s gone too far away from, something to make life a little sweeter, and something that’ll serve as a wonderful holiday surprise.

For Jester, Caduceus has a letter from her mother, who worried she wouldn’t be able to reach them when they wandered so far, that he’s been carrying with him, a box of sweets he made to resemble those from the Coast as best as he could imitate, and a signed, coveted copy of Tusk Love from a very, very kind librarian.

Jester dances about the room, taking Caduceus and Nott with her, so happy, everything she deserves. When she sits, she tucks into the box of pastries, tucks the letter into her journal and tucks the book against her chest, close to her heart. Her smile is filled with crumbs between her teeth and impaled on her fangs, happiness too overwhelming to wait for them to clear.

“Oh, Duces this is wonderful! So wonderful- how did you even get these? Your baking is so good! Duce, you’re the best!” she stops, then, eyes darting from the cover art on the newest copy of Tusk Love to Nott by her side. “Do have something for Nott, too?”

Kind girl, the kindest he’s met in a long time. “Of course I do, Jester, but,” he pauses for a second, looking between these two who would much rather give to friends than receive anything, “Be sure to make it a good day for not just your friends, but you too.”

Jester is visibly unsure how to respond, but she smiles at the gesture, recognizing it as kind, regardless of its specific implications. Caduceus thinks that’s fine, his meaning isn’t always as important as his intentions.

Nott looks ready to protest a present, but she can’t, not when it’s been placed in a wrapped box before her.

For Nott, Caduceus has something that was much easier for him to find, though he unfortunately had to lie to the shopkeeper to get the proportions right.

For Nott, Caduceus has something she would never choose for herself, something that she will likely need the help of her friends to truly appreciate, something that will pay off someday, when she is happy with herself, no matter what form that takes.

For Nott, Caduceus has a dress, fit for a little lady, of a shiny gold, with even shinier buttons, that may compliment green skin and bring out yellow eyes, or may just be a nice sundress for an average halfing, whatever she chooses.

Nott’s eyebrows pull together as she looks at the silky fabric sliding between her clawed fingers, caught between contempt and self pity. She looks at Caduceus with the barely concealed disappointment of accepting a lame gift but Jester grabs her shoulders and beams down at the garment.

“Oh, Nott! You’ll look so pretty in this!” Jester, wiser than she knows, softens her voice and looks at Nott carefully, “Don’t you think?”

“I,” Nott forces a smile, not one to disappoint, “If you think you so.”

Jester shakes her head and chuckles, “Come, I’ll show you.”

She pulls Nott towards the dingy little mirror of their room and puts the dress up in front of her, letting her see, twirling her around. Caduceus can’t hear everything she says, but he catches snatches of nostalgia, talk about mothers, expensive dresses, and playing princess.

“I wasn’t sure if you would be a dress sort of person, but I can always have it modified for you,” Caduceus has to sit to meet Nott’s eyes, but he doesn’t mind scooting across the floor to do it. “I’ve always found that decorating is the best way to make something your own,” he points to Jester’s pink bag and trails his fingers across his staff, where he’s made so many little changes over the years, “And a sense of style is the best way to decorate yourself. In my opinion, anyway.”

He thinks privately of Molly’s tattoos and Beau’s hair. He doesn’t mention them aloud; Nott is a smart girl, she can connect the dots herself.

Nott doesn’t look at Caduceus or the dress when she smiles, just keeps the grin to herself, coming to peace with something, here with friends. Nothing more to say.

When Caduceus stands to leave, Jester throws her arms around him, pulling him down into a warm hug, joyful smile pressed against his ear. “I’m sorry nobody got you anything, Caduceus,” she whispers, loathe to speak sadness into reality.

Caduceus only smiles and gently pries her away to look her in the eyes, eyes so full of unraveling layers of feelings far more complicated than could be labelled as mere sadness or happiness.

He thinks of every smile of the Mighty Nein, the different ways they twist across their faces. Whether they’re unrestrained or subdued, whether they’re fanged or dulled, whether they’re frequent or rare- Caduceus treasures each of them.

“Oh, Jester. You’ve all already given me wonderful gifts.”

...

Caduceus expected this. He expected this and he knew it would be a mess but not even the gods could’ve predicted just how much of a mess it would be.

Mother, help me.

“Ah!” Jester trips over a roll of garland and nearly crashes to the floor when she sees Caduceus, calmly surveying the chaos, “We didn’t expect you to be back so early!”

“Ah,” maybe he should’ve given them more of a chance then, “Should I leave and come back?”

Fjord says no at the same time Beau and Jester shout yes. Caduceus rules him outnumbered and settles on the floor outside the door, listening to a chorus of thuds, swears, and general rushing around a tiny room.

Molly is sent out to retrieve Caduceus, opening the door with a grin.

“You can come in now. Take two, everybody!”

Caduceus stands, slowly to give time for the scrambling he still hears within the room. Even with the seconds of delay, he catches the final hurry to get into place in the center of the room, Yasha in the midst of standing and Fjord in the midst of recovering from a fumble with the decorations.

“Happy Winter’s Crest, Caduceus!”

The Mighty Nein smiling brilliantly is really the main object of his attention, but his eyes rove over the hastily mounted silvery decorations all around the room, from a cheap garland to hand-made snowflakes to Jester’s drawings of snowmen and other dubious snow creatures. There’s also a present in the middle of the room, a moderately sized box covered in two different varieties of colored paper, having seemingly run out of one kind in the middle of wrapping it.

“Open it, open it!” Jester bounces up in down in an excitement the rest of the Nein fail to match, awkward looks of “mayday” exchanged between Beau, Yasha and Caleb in the back.

Caduceus dutifully tears open the packaging, revealing a box filled haphazardly with what appears to be as many herbs as one could reasonably attain in an evening, a new tea set, and a folded paper card. It has a beautiful drawing of snowmen outfitted to look like all the members of the Nein, both present and past, on the front and the signed names of everybody in the room scrawled on the inside.

“This is wonderful. Thank you, all of you.” It really is so wonderful. Thoughts of being on the wrong path are furthest from his mind at this moment, so certain in the company of these people.

Jester grins at him again and Molly steps forward, to stand with her at the front. “The night is still young! There’s more celebrating to do.”

“Yes! There’s supposed to be snow tonight, Cad! Snow! Have you ever seen snow before?” Jester’s eyes shine with the wonder of a girl from the warm coast.

“Once, I think.”

“Well, you’ve never seen snow with the Mighty Nein before!”

With visions of snowmen, snow angels and disastrous snowball fights, Caduceus follows Jester outside, feeling the others trailing them, eager for the experience, eager for the company, eager to feel joy warm them in the winter wonderland just outside this shabby inn.

If anybody is unhappy about coming back inside with melting snow dripping down their backs (Molly you traitor) and an apparently permanent layer of cold over their noses and fingers, nobody complains, too happy to see the new winter ushered in by a new family.

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meta-shadowsong · 5 years

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Some Thoughts on Defection

So, those of you who know me may be aware that I have a Thing for double agents and defectors. And, while I haven’t yet read Alphabet Squadron (it’s next on my list), I’ve read some quotes/commentaries, particularly related to Yrica Quell. This is not specifically about her or anything in that book (like I said, I haven’t read it yet), but it is inspired by some of the things I’ve seen—i.e., there’s one passage I’ve read where she talks about why she didn’t defect earlier, mentioning, among other things, the friends she’d made in her squadron. So, in connection with that passage and a few other commentaries I’ve read recently, here, in fairly general terms, are some thoughts of mine that have been percolating about the decision to defect from the Empire to the Alliance, and why that’s not necessarily a simple one.

DISCLAIMER: I am not in any way saying that the Empire is not Evil because it obviously is; it is worse than the people fighting it or the Republic that came before, wherever those groups/people fall on the greyscale, so to speak. Which, I acknowledge, is to an extent a YMMV thing. I just wanted to make that clear from the outset, because as I’ve mentioned in previous discussions on other grey-area/nuance-y/Discourse Bait™ topics, it’s easy to read too much into things that get said, and I don’t want my core feelings on the subject to be misinterpreted.

(Also, as a note—while this discussion could probably be broadened and applied to most fandoms with clearly defined Sides to a conflict, I’m using Star Wars, primarily the OT/Empire era, as a case study because that’s where my head’s at.)

Anyway, disclaimers/etc. aside, what I want to talk about here is that this—defecting—isn’t a single choice. It’s actually three.

So, the first question that needs to be addressed is the decision to no longer support the Empire. And while, in theory, this is a fairly straightforward question (as I said before, the Empire is Evil with a capital Yikes, I’m not at all trying to deny that), in practice it becomes a little more complicated.

Awareness of that evilness, to some extent, depends on the level of information this person has, or has access to. It also probably depends on why they joined in the first place, and on what position they actually hold in the Empire (i.e., a fighter pilot has access to different information and is subject to different indoctrination/pressures than, say, a low-ranked NCO working in the Army’s quartermaster department, or an ISB analyst with access to highly classified data, or medical personnel, or someone in a civilian/bureaucratic position such as an aide/secretary to a planetary governor, etc.). It depends on the things they’ve seen, both after joining the Empire and before it. I mean, since we’re talking about potential defectors, there comes a point where things are bad enough that the person in question at least start asking the questions, but where that point is and what it would take to shift the balance does depend on a lot of factors.

For example, and I think there’s an antagonist in one of the comics who falls into this category, it’s possible that someone is coming at this—joining the Empire, I mean—from a prior situation that was bad enough that they were of the opinion that, “yes, the Empire does terrible things, but at least they’re not those assholes.” Because the Empire is Evil, but that doesn’t mean that everyone who’s not the Empire is automatically Not Evil—see, for example, the Hutt clans or certain other underworld organizations. For this type of person, it’s about when the Empire’s atrocities outweigh whatever Those Assholes are/were doing. At what point the alternative, in their eyes, stops being worse. So, this person’s potential breaking point is going to take a lot more to reach.

But, moving on from there—our hypothetical potential defector has reached their breaking point and has come to the conclusion that they can no longer serve the Empire. And here comes question two—whether or not to actively fight against the Empire.

Again, a question we’d like to think is simple, but isn’t necessarily so. Some reasons why this person might choose to desert instead of defect—for one, straight-up self-preservation. Our hypothetical defector is acutely aware of what the Empire really does and is really capable of, or they wouldn’t be here. If they run, they’ll probably only get executed if they’re caught. But if they hit back, they’ll still be executed, but their road there will be much, much worse.

Even if they get past that road block, maybe they feel they have a lack of the necessary access or useful skills to fight back. Our low-ranked NCO in the quartermaster’s department may technically have basic military training, but when was the last time they actually used it? They’re primarily essentially a data monkey at this point. And they don’t even work with particularly useful data, unlike, say, our ISB analyst, or even our political secretary/aide. What could they do, other than get caught and killed immediately without making much of an impact—except, maybe, harming (primarily) their fellow low-level peons by messing with supply lines?

Which brings me to another reason, and the Yrica Quell quote I mentioned above. Actively fighting against the Empire means actively fighting against people who have been peers, even friends, for maybe a long time. So, our hypothetical defector may not be willing to do that. Now, they may also consider—what if I could persuade my friends to come with me? But then they risk exposure, and the wider the circle gets, the higher the risk—and the greater the cost if they do get caught. Maybe some of their friends have also reached a crisis point—or maybe they haven’t, and there’s a Betrayal in the offing, from one side or the other. I can see why someone couldn’t deal with that and would just leave instead.

And on the subject of fear and consequences, what about people who have families, or other dependents, who might be at risk for reprisals? Look at Galen Erso, who chose to disappear rather than taking his knowledge and skillset to someone working against the Empire. And, yes, part of that is that he’s not super thrilled with the idea of working for a military anyway, part of that is that, at the time he left, there wasn’t really an organized resistance that could make effective use of those skills and that data, but part of it was also that he had a small child to protect. And even Saw, though he probably wasn’t quite as Extreme as he gets later, was willing to help the three of them just escape and settle elsewhere rather than insisting on trying to recruit Galen, or worse (…as an aside, there’s probably a whole Conversation to be had about Saw’s growing extremism and I think looking at how he handles the Ersos and then how he handles Bodhi fifteen years later is a good place to start, but I digress).

The point is, a deserter is different from a defector, and, as with the consequences for the deserter and defector as individuals, the consequences for the deserter’s friends and family are probably much lower than the defector’s friends and family will face.

Which leads to question three—whether or not to fight for the Alliance.

(This part, to me, is also Super Super Interesting and I don’t think gets discussed as much as Question One, or even Question Two, which tends to get glossed over and/or merged with One, even though they kind of are separate decisions, as I said.)

Anyway. Leaving aside the early days where, as I mentioned, there wasn’t necessarily much of an organized resistance to defect to, there are reasons for our hypothetical defector to try to do what they can on their own, or with a small cell of like-minded people, rather than joining the Official Rebellion. These might be petty and/or personal—for example, Mon Mothma is the face/Official Leader of the Alliance; what if our hypothetical defector comes from a place with historical Difficulties with Chandrilla, or has a specific issue with Mothma herself and/or her politics/previous actions, and can’t necessarily get past that?

Or it might come down to self-preservation again. Imperial propaganda/indoctrination doesn’t limit itself to covering up Imperial atrocities/painting the Empire in the best possible light, it also vilifies the Alliance. Our hypothetical defector, especially if we’re talking about our ISB analyst, or our pilot, or even our bureaucrat, may think that the fate that awaits them if they go to the Alliance is no better than if they get accused of disloyalty by the Empire—meaning, a quick execution, if they’re lucky. Whether or not they’re right, (and whether or not the weight of their prior actions vs. what they do moving forward balances out in their favor) the fear might still be there, and keep them working from reaching out.

Or they might have larger political and/or ethical concerns that make them hesitate to throw in with the Alliance. Because, after all, the Rebellion is officially the Alliance to Restore the Republic. And, while the Empire is much worse than the Republic was, even in its later stages, that doesn’t necessarily mean that someone who wants to bring down the Empire thinks that the solution to the problem is to go back to what they may see as a nonfunctional/corrupt/whatever issue government. Or they may have problems with other aspects of the Rebellion’s stated platform or goals. Or operational/tactical approaches. Look at the way Saw later broke with the wider rebellion over differing views on tactics—it’s not out of the question that our hypothetical defector, considering joining the Alliance, might have similar (or opposite) concerns.

And as another example—while not specifically Empire/OT related, we see this something similar during the Clone Wars, with Lux Bonteri. Granted, this isn’t handled as well as it could be (and the Third Option he takes is freaking Death Watch, which, nice going there, dude), but he still makes the point that just because he’s broken with the Separatists doesn’t mean he’s willing to join the Republic. The same analysis, especially for one living the situation, might well apply for someone looking to break ties with the Empire.

(Side note, completely unrelated—an issue I still have with Queen’s Shadow is the way the book handled Mina Bonteri, and took some of the meat/impact out of her being someone Genuinely Principled on the Separatist side of things by having her in contact with a ~shadowy figure~ who may or may not have been Dooku/Tyranus. But, like I said, separate conversation; talking about Lux just made me think about her.)

In conclusion—well, like I said, I’m Interested in defectors/double-agents/etc., in part because the process to get there, and what is done with the decision to shift loyalties, isn’t always a simple one. And one of the reasons I’m looking forward to reading Alphabet Squadron, when I finally sit down to actually do so, is that I think we’ll get a little more of that process/a little more detail on that mindset.

(I’m also thinking, if I’ve parsed the timeline right—which who knows, this is Star Wars where everything’s made up and the timeline doesn’t matter—anyway, there’s a chance that the actual process of Kallus’s defection might be a subplot in the Cassian series? Especially since they both use the Fulcrum codename…but we shall see. I’m SUPER EXCITED for that one either way, because it is right up my alley.)

…anyway. Uh. I’m not sure this really adds up to much, other than the fact that this is a Topic That Interests Me, and will probably be reflected in some of my fic later, when related plot points come up. And, like I said, since it comes up in a recent novel that I’ve seen discussions about, it felt like a good time to lay all this out in some kind of coherent, if slightly superficial, form.

So, the point is—defection isn’t necessarily a simple or easy choice to make, even when it’s the right thing to do; there’s a lot of thought and factors that go into it, unless it’s an impulsive heat-of-the-moment, ‘if I don’t do something RIGHT NOW IMMEDIATELY the consequences of my inaction are Insupportable’ type thing, but that is not the subject of this essay. And those factors can be interesting to poke at, at least for me.

#star wars #fandom #originally posted october 2019

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robininthelabyrinth · 5 years

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Fic: An Internal Affair - Chapter 3 (Ao3 link)

Fandom: The Flash Pairing: Leonard Snart/Barry Allen

Summary: Leonard Snart, the CCPD Captain of Internal Affairs, is known as Captain Cold for a very good reason: He hates corrupt cops with a merciless vengeance, and once you’re on his list, you’re in serious trouble.

His next target?

A CCPD lab tech named Barry Allen who’s developed a suspicious habit of disappearing at random intervals.

—————————————————————————————————

"You'll never believe what happened today," Len says, settling into the chair next to Mick's bed. He's panting lightly, trying to regain his breath, and his skin is covered by a sheen of sweat; he was a little late, and he suspects his physical therapist took those two minutes out on him.

Shlomit has no mercy.

To be fair, mercy isn't what he's paying her for. Little by painful little, Len is getting better. No one can deny it, not even Shlomit, and she's even agreed to let him try out maybe using a more discreet leg brace instead of always using his good friends the crutches.

Fucking bullets. It's been four months already, but the bullet to his leg tore through muscle and nerves at a bad angle and the bullet to his gut nicked his spine in a dangerous fashion, and he maybe - maybe! - went back to work a little too fast and tore up a whole bunch of stuff again.

So even after all this time, he’s still here.

He can't wait to be up and about and able to move freely again. The new leg brace - accompanied by a back brace to help keep his spine straight - won't give him that, especially since he's only allowed to use it for an hour or two a day in the beginning, but still, it's progress.

Len is determined to make progress.

(And if that's in part because Len can't quite crush the superstitious hope that the second he no longer needs Shlomit's services, Mick will finally wake up and be the one in need of them? No one needs to know that.)

"No, really," he says to Mick, whose eyes are closed today. Sometimes they're open, and he gargles words without meaning, and hope will seize at Len's heart only to break it all over again when nothing comes of it. The doctors say it's a good sign, a promising sign, that it means there's hope that Mick will wake up out soon, but they've been saying that for a month or more. "Today was, quite literally, unbelievable."

He settles down more comfortably in his chair so that he has a good view of the window. He doesn't look at Mick; not looking makes it easier to pretend that Mick's not actually comatose in a hospital room. That instead he's just lying in bed, too lazy to bother getting up, listening to Len ramble on about whatever-and-nothing as always while rolling his eyes and humoring him with an occasional grunt and a "Sure, boss, whatever you say" or two that Len can imagine so well that sometimes he feels like he can almost hear it.

"Let me start at the very beginning - a very good place to start," he tacks on, unable to help it. Mick likes musicals; Len has no idea where that came from, but Mick took it upon himself to ensure that Len was appropriately educated as to them and now Len keeps dropping references into conversation no matter who he's around - fellow criminals, dangerous gangers, or the Police Commissioner, to name a few semi-recent examples.

It's embarrassing, is what it is.

"I had court in the morning,” Len continues, “the last bit of testifying against Cichowski - he's the one I told you about, the cop who was taking bribes from the Families to slow-walk certain investigations so they had a chance to cover up the evidence? Anyway, that was harrowing enough, given that the defense brought in his weeping wife and a whole wall of blue to sit out there in the audience, glaring death at me like that would make me think twice about what I was doing or stutter or something. Didn’t work, of course; I don’t regret testifying for a second. After all, no one made him take those bribes..."

Len's a cold-hearted sonovabitch, he’s the first to admit it (and he's pretty sure his mother would agree with him that Lewis is a total bitch), but the whole experience had still been fairly awful even by his unduly elevated standards.

The first person to go down for corruption in a given precinct is always the hardest, because the assholes always think their precious blue line will save them right up until the moment it doesn't.

Cichowski had been the first one in this precinct.

At least Singh’d had the dignity not to show up.

Len'd finished up his testimony in the morning, last one to go before closing arguments because the defense wanted one last try at breaking his story as their last desperate hope of victory. It hadn't worked, of course. And then during the midday break Cichowski's wife somehow got ‘accidentally’ let into the same hallway as Len – accidentally, his crippled ass – and she took advantage of the fact that he moved slowly to come right up to him and start screaming about how he was destroying her husband's life, and her life, and the lives of her little boys, five and three, and didn't he feel any shame about it?

"I didn't make him take bribes just because he couldn't afford to buy that fancy house of yours without 'em," Len pointed out to her. "That was all his own doing."

"Is that what a good man's life is worth to you?" she spit at him. "Sure, he took a few hundred dollars -" Wrong by an extremely large magnitude; Len's seen the figures. "- of course he did, they're the Families, this is Central; you don't cross the Families, not in this town, but he didn't do anything that wrong -"

"We have proof of him dragging his feet on investigations -" Len started to say, since he didn’t want to get into the issue of the Families.

Honestly, he doesn’t blame most people for giving in to Family pressure; Central City is what it is and all the clean-up in the world is still just starting to make a dent for the first time in forever. It’s just that he believes that people who are willing to give in to the Families have no business becoming or being or remaining cops. Cichoswki should've turned in his badge the second after he took the first bribe - he could've gone to work in security or something, and Len would've not thought twice about him.

"So he went slow a few times!" she shouted. "That's not that bad!"

Len isn't exactly proud of how he reacted to that.

He gave her his best smile filled with bared teeth and his iciest glare, the one he perfected on Family gangsters instead of suburban housewives, and while she was still quailing a bit from that, he asked, "Do you know, Mrs. Cichoswki, that most kidnapping cases are solved in the first twenty-four hours, or not at all?"

"I - what?"

"You've got about twenty-four, maybe forty-eight hours to get a good lead," he repeated. "I mention that only because your husband was assigned several kidnapping cases, during the period he was getting paid off."

"I -"

"You've got two kids, dontcha, Mrs. Cichowski? Five and three, you said. And if you go back to the house where you left 'em today and the babysitter meets you at the door in tears and tells you one of 'em just got snatched by some man in a van, but don't worry, she's called the police, and they say don't you worry, ma'am, they'll be getting right on it - well, Mrs. Cichowski, I guess you'll be just fine if they're just a bit slow getting on it, won't you? Maybe they take an extra couple of days here, couple of free weekends there, that’s no problem by your standards, ain't that right, Mrs. Cichowski? You wouldn't hold it against 'em if they traded a bit of speed and your darling baby's best chance of rescue in exchange for, what'd you call it, a few hundred bucks?"

She was quiet, pale-faced and tight-lipped.

"I mean, maybe it's just that you don't give a fuck as long as it's other people's kids your husband's selling out, but hey, what do I know? Maybe it’s more straightforward – just, y’know, fuck the kid, right? You can always have another, s’long as the money’s good enough," Len added, unable to keep himself from doing it because he's an asshole like that, because he hates corruption so much it overcomes his self-control sometimes, and - and, well, because he's seen all too well the sort of parent a corrupt cop can be.

Of course, that's when she went for his face, nails extended.

Luckily, the court officer was there nearby and yanked her away before she did any actual damage – or, more accurately, before Len was forced to bash her over the head with his crutch to ensure that she didn’t cause any actual damage.

He didn’t press charges, of course. No need; the inevitable guilty verdict came down less than twenty minutes later, and he figured that was punishment enough.

Still.

What a fucking day.

"So that's how it started," Len tells Mick, shaking his head. "Yeah, yeah, I know, I probably shoulda been a bit more sympathetic about it, her losing the nice safe foundations of her life like that - losing the father of her kids, probably losing the main family income, not to mention Cichowski's pension - fuck it, Mick, you're such a goddamn softy, leave off! I only reacted that way 'cause I'm all but sure she knew what he was up to and couldn’t actually bring herself to care until the consequences started coming home to roost."

He shakes his head, his eyes closed as he imagines the smirk on Mick's face turning into a mock glare as Len impugns his impartiality and general pretended attitude of apathy towards the world, not that Len's ever really believed in that anyway.

If Mick was really apathetic about it all, he wouldn't be here.

He wouldn't -

No. Len's not thinking about what ifs now. He's not thinking about Mick.

He’s not thinking about Mick’s well-hidden kindness and sympathy, about the way he always pretended to be tough but always checked in to make sure people were doing okay, even people he didn’t know, just because that’s the way he is – or at least, was –

No.

He’s not thinking about Mick.

He's talking about his day.

"Anyway," Len says, clearing his throat. "That's not even the interesting part, you know? I went back to the office after that -"

And arrived to face a solid wall of angry, hateful eyes.

That was fine. He’d been expecting that.

" - and, well, I figured I could do with a bit of time outside the office, doing something else."

He remembers seeing Danvers' worried face through that crowd of implacable rage. He waved jauntily at her before he left, calling out cheerfully that he’d be in later because he had another appointment he needed to get to, and she looked relieved that he wasn't going to throw the precinct’s newfound vulnerability back in their faces.

Maybe on another day he would, but not today. He’s a spiteful asshole, but he’s not dumb enough to incite a full-on riot among armed police.

"Didn't really have all that much to do outside, though," Len says, making a face. "Office filled with pissed off pigs, all of our favorite bars are filled with Family informants ready to tell their masters that they have a good clear shot at me, all our old haunts -" Too empty to go to, without Mick. "- and even Allen was too busy to talk when I swung by Jitters."

Len pauses, imagining Mick's response to that and smiling. He's maybe mentioned Allen a time or twenty.

Or maybe more.

And Mick's always been the number one fan of Len's love-life - or, perhaps more accurately, the number one critic of Len's lack thereof.

"Okay, yeah," he says. "You've got me. I like the kid. Doesn't mean I ain't gonna nail him to the ground - not like that, you jackass, get your mind outta the gutter - when I find out what lies he's been cooking up."

He winces a little at that, his smile fading away. It'd been good to see Allen that morning - Allen has an infectious sort of joy about him that's positively catching - but Len is investigating him, not making friends.

And certainly not dating, no matter how attractive Allen is.

That's why he's already regretting their scheduled dinner, at least a little. Yes, it'd be good to get more info from the main source, especially since he'll have a few hours to work on Allen rather than the five-ten-fifteen minute intervals they’ve had so far, but doing the investigation personally like this will only heighten the betrayal when Allen eventually gets dragged away to prison on corruption charges.

Len can see his face now, upset and hurt and angry and shocked and horrified, just like that woman from this morning...

He doesn't want to see that.

But unluckily for Allen, Len's very good at betrayal - as Mick could testify.

If he ever wakes up, that is.

"Anyway," Len says, putting the Allen question from his mind for now and ignoring the pang at the thought of sweet, smiling Allen stuck in the harshness of Iron Heights. Honestly, Allen has the sort of personality that would probably let him make friends even in there - not that that would help make it any less of a miserable pit to be in - not that the fact that Allen would be sad to be in prison even matters, since if he was there, it’d be because Allen'd chosen to be corrupt in the first place, bringing all the consequences down on his own head. "As I was saying, I didn't have anything better to do, so I ended up ringing a few old buddies of ours - neutrals, all, the sort that'd sell to anyone, even cops, the dirty ratfuckers that they are, but they're all I've got left right now, being as I got outed as a pig myself – and long story short, they got me a heads up about an absolute beaut of a job about to go down on Grand."

He smiles a little at that. One of the biggest perks of being in Internal Affairs is that his mandate generally applies to cops, not criminals. Sure, strictly speaking he ought to be stopping any illegal conduct he sees happening, and of course he won't hesitate to call for back-up if he sees something that'll actually harm people, but a nice clean in-transit robbery conducted by a reputable thief known for covering all the angles and minimizing casualties?

Nah.

He’ll leave that for the ‘real’ cops to stop, if they can.

Besides, as an IA guy, it's good for Len to know which armored car drivers can be bought.

"You'd have loved to hate this one," Len assures Mick. "Guy got a decent crew together; had liquid nitrogen portable backpack form to pop the door; pulled out to chase the truck in motorbikes the second the truck passed Friedman, gave the driver a goose to scare him into going faster before coming in for the final hit, then caught him right in that sweet spot between Glenview and Highwood, with all the police over two minutes thirteen seconds away and shouting about it helplessly on their speakers - beautiful. Just beautiful."

Len feels his smile go a bit wicked. "Pity it didn't help them."

He shakes his head, his smile fading back into seriousness.

"The job was planned out perfectly," he tells Mick. "Perfectly, and you know how rare it is that I say that. Hell, this is the sort of thing I’d’ve put together, back in the day. It should've worked. But - you remember how I told you that Danvers was getting really into this one blog about weird events in Central? How she kept nattering on about some sort of weird 'streak' phenomena and I laughed her off?"

He makes a face. "Turns out I owe her an apology -"

He'll buy her a super-jumbo box of donuts the way he always does; she’s a sugar fiend.

"- because the Streak itself showed up to mess the job up."

Mess it up thoroughly, no less. Not only were the crew unable to get their target (a super-sized diamond of all dumb things – who were they even going to fence something like that to, anyhow?), they'd tried to fire at the blur of light and ended up scratching one of the bought-off guards, who promptly got whisked away by the Streak to a nearby hospital (Len'd called and checked – the guy was fine).

"That got my attention, though," Len says. "How'd a local phenomenon like that know how to stop a crime? Or to take someone to a hospital after they got shot? That's sentience, that's what it is. Thinking. So I got curious and pulled the surveillance tapes. And you'll never guess what I found."

He pulls the laptop out of his bag and flips it open, looking at the image that's still frozen on his screen.

"Looks like our Streak ain't an it. It's a him."

A figure barely visible, more a blur than anything else, but with a definitely visible hand, a raised arm, and the outlines of a head. A human being; one moving too fast to be spotted naturally, yes, but a human being regardless.

A human being who is choosing to fight crime on his own, without authorization, without working with the justice system, without being watched over to keep to the rules.

A vigilante.

In Len's own city.

How dare he.

Len bets this guy was inspired by that shadowy Hood vigilante over in Starling, that hypocritical murderous fuck. Maybe even there was some inspiration from that old time urban legend over in Gotham, the shadow Bat that supposedly stalks the streets at night meting out Gotham-style justice without any restraint, leaving broken bones and concussions and worse in its wake.

And sure, maybe this one's just starting by messing up crimes in progress, but Len knows far, far too well how quickly things go wrong when someone who views themselves as enforcing the law starts thinking of themselves as being above the law.

He wonders grimly how soon it'll be before the deaths start. Death, served quick as a blink and the perp gone in a flash. Best way to be sure a criminal won’t re-offend or betray you, after all...

(if you're in, you're in - and if you're out...)

Len stares at the image a moment longer, then shakes his head to dispel the memories. He leans over towards the bed to show the image to the still-quiet Mick. Even though he knows it's dumb, the thought of not showing Mick, of not pretending that Mick can actually hear him despite his deep sleep...it's too painful to contemplate.

He puts the laptop away.

"Anyway, I'm having Danvers dig into all the mysterious shit that's been going on in the city recently," Len continues. "She’s real good at that stuff – runs in the family, apparently; she’s got a cousin who’s an investigative journalist, I think? Either way, she’s looking at everything: murders, disappearances, the like. Gonna pull on my underground contacts, too; see if they've heard anything, seen anything. No one ever pays attention to the cardboard brigade."

Len's got no idea who first thought to organize the homeless people in Central City into an information network, setting up a central station where upstanding criminals like Len can go ask a question and have it be spread out all over the city, and, in return for the opportunity or the intel he gets, he pays regularly into a distribution fund that keeps all the homeless in the city (both informants and otherwise) fed and in coats and shoes.

Len's never been bad enough off to have to join their ranks, but it's been close a time or two, the times when he couldn't access any of his legit money without blowing his cover and he couldn't get enough illegal work in to cover expenses. Mick helped him then, too, just as Len helped him whenever he got kicked out of yet another place for lighting fires...

Don't think about the past. It brings nothing but pain.

He shakes his head and forces himself to continue.

"Now, I know what you're going to ask -"

If Mick ever wakes up, that is, which he might not. Looks like the future isn't safe to think about either.

Clearly Len's going to have to embrace living in the now.

"- and I'm at least 90% sure that he ain't a robot. No, I don't know how he's moving that fast, maybe some sort of super-suit tech or something, but the way he moves, that raised hand like a runner? That’s definitely organic."

Len pauses, frowns, thinks about Mick's response - it'd be snide, of course, and insisting that he hates all of Len's stupid sci-fi shows and movies even though they're no stupider than Mick's own dumb ninja thing, and yet also usually insightful.

"Could be technorganic, sure," he concedes, caught on an intriguing line of thought. "Like the ones in that film you like ragging on so much, yeah. And if he-she-them-it is like that film, then yeah, it's possible that they're - he's? - communicating with something, or someone, and getting instructions from a distance like a drone...huh. Y’know, if he's corresponding with some sort of main entity - there could be radio transmissions, or over-Internet transmissions using the local WiFi. If I could just figure out another place where the Streak's likely to be, maybe manage to stall him a bit before he runs onwards, I might be able to tap into that communication line. If he's talking with someone, that can't be at super-speed or else it'd be unintelligible on their end."

Len starts to smile. "And it won't be all that hard to set up a place where he'll be, either, assuming he's tapped into the local police radio to hear all about ongoing crimes for him to stop. No – don’t worry, Mick, I’m not gonna go up against a super-speed vigilante blind! I could get some untraceable weapons from that fence, you remember him, Bertolli; he’s always good for some stolen stuff. Yeah, yeah, I know, I’m a pig now, I’ve got a licensed pea-shooter and everything, but if I use stolen hardware to start, that means that even with the best surveillance in the world, the Streak won’t realize I'm a cop until I’ve laid eyes on him. Of course, before I get to that, I need to get some place that’ll agree to me using it as an ambush point -"

And best of all, it would be fun. That old adrenaline rush of planning and executing a job...sure, hunting vigilantes isn’t quite in IA's bailiwick, but whatever, IA or no IA, he's still a cop.

Might as well use that fact.

Len grins at Mick. "Good ideas all," he says happily. "I wouldn't have thought of it without needing to defend myself from you on your usual bullshit. As always, you're a real lifesaver -"

Len's voice catches in his throat.

Lifesaver.

How true that is.

He breathes in, long and slow and shaky, and exhales it all out again, the way he always does whenever he remembers – as he always remembers – that terrible day when he thought he was going to die, and in the process lost one of the few reasons he had to live.

Len never even got a chance to tell Mick the truth about himself.

Never told him - anything.

Never told Mick how much Len appreciated him, never told him that he was Len's best friend, his brother, that he loved him and that he’d always love him no matter what was between them, never told him that Len never meant to hurt him by keeping all those secrets - all those lies -

"I asked Allen out," Len says abruptly, desperately casting out for another subject to talk about. He can’t think about that. He can’t. "Not on a date, of course; that’d be unethical. Just a dinner to learn more about him. Danvers' idea, she has this stupid idea that I should date him, but just because that's a terrible idea doesn't mean that going to dinner with him isn't a decent one. I've already figured out that he's Doc Allen's kid, you remember, that guy from Iron Heights, the wrongly accused one, but if anything that counts in his favor -"

No, he can't. He can’t do this. He can't stop the thoughts, the feeling of failure, of guilt, of sorrow.

He leans forward in his chair, exhaling hard, dropping his head into his hands and pressing at his temples like he can keep the thoughts away by physical force.

"I'm not going to dinner with Allen just because I like him. It's because I don't have anyone else to go with," he admits, his throat sore and tight. "I don't - I don't make friends easy, you know that. Lisa's off living her own life – we still talk, you know, but she’s not – she hasn’t been – it’s okay, really. It’s just I don’t think she’s entirely forgiven me for getting hurt, after all the times I promised her that no matter all the risks I was taking, that I’d be fine. I broke that promise. She’s still pissed, and you know how we Snarts hold a grudge. And, I mean, I like Danvers plenty, she’s a peach, but she’s still an employee, and you -"

Len swallows. It hurts. "Well, you know me. I get too caught up with work without you to kick my ass about it, you know how it is. And this Allen kid -"

He scrubs at his face. If he were anyone else, he'd say his eyes were getting wet, but he's him, so they're not.

"He's nice," he says. "He's - he's fun, for what little I know of him. Really fun, not the put-on-a-charming-face fun that I put on for marks. And I know you'd be telling me I ought to drop the work inquiry, just let it go, focus on the real bad guys and date the one that's just a maybe-criminal because lord knows it's hard to find someone who meets my ridiculous standards, I know that's what you'd be telling me, but - I can't. I can't. He disappeared for nine months, Mick. Nine months unaccounted for -"

Len's hands are trembling.

"Nine months in a coma, supposedly," he says bleakly, staring at his hands, watching them shake uncontrollably. The tools of his trade, when he was a criminal, his most prized possession, and now look at them. His dad would’ve called the whole thing a disgrace. "And that's the problem, ain't it? Nine months. You’re almost halfway there already. It’ll be nine months soon enough. Nine months in a coma...that's how I know he's got to be corrupt. That he’s got to be hiding something. ‘cause the docs have told me all about what I ought to expect when - if - you wake up, and exactly none of it is running around the city with a brand new set of abs in the best physical shape of your life."

Len closes his eyes.

"He's got to be corrupt," he repeats, even though every time he's met Allen in person his instincts scream at him that Allen's not, that Allen's sincere, that Allen's one of those rarest of rare creatures, the honest policeman. CSI, whatever. The good man. Just like old Doc Allen, back in prison, the way Len had taken one look at him and known that the guy hadn’t murdered his wife, he really hadn't, no matter what the accusation said, and the only reason he isn’t still appealing his unfair sentence is because he’s given up. Just like Len's always known that Mick’s a good man, too, underneath the violence and the pyromania; the way Len knows down to his bones that Mick’s the best man he’s ever met or will ever meet. "You don't understand, Mick, he's got to be. There's no choice in it for me. Because if he ain't corrupt - if he's telling the truth -"

He looks at Mick, forces himself to look at Mick as he is right now, not as Len likes to imagine him to be, but the way he really is: lying there like a lump, still and unresponsive, his muscle mass slowly starting to fade away and atrophy despite the best efforts of medical science, connected to a dozen wires and other machines that stand imposing and silent and are the only things keeping him alive now that his body has decided it doesn't want to do the work itself. Burns everywhere, even after the skin grafts; snarls of raised white scar tissue and shiny angry red marks instead of flesh, still healing so very slowly all these months later.

The damage done – to the muscle, to the nerves, to the bone, to the heart, the lungs, all of his insides – damage that would take years to fully recover from, even by the best possible estimate –

"If he's telling the truth," Len says, refusing to tear his eyes away. Forcing himself to look at what he’s done. "If he's telling the truth, then I might start hoping for a miracle again. And I can't, Mick. Not another disappointment. Not another heartbreak. Not another hope for me to make an ass out of myself over, just for the meagerest chance that you might wake up and be yourself again, just like before. I – I can't go through that again, Mick. I can’t. And that's a shitty reason to go after someone, I know it is, even if he probably is corrupt, but - I've got to do this. I have to know. You know how obsessive I get when I've got my teeth in something."

Mick doesn't respond, because he's not actually listening. He's in a coma. A coma Len's responsible for.

"I've been eating badly, without you," Len tells him. "The way I always do. You'd be pissed at me for letting myself go this way."

Nothing.

As always, nothing.

"Please," he says, and Leonard Snart never says please to anyone. He never begs anyone for anything, not even for his very life, but he's begging now. "Please, Mick. Even if it's to yell at me about my diet or to make fun of me for my crush on Allen, I don't care. I don't - I won't even care if you hate me for being a pig when you wake up, or if you think I betrayed you, or if you never want to see me again, just as long as I know that you're okay. Just - please."

Len buries his face in his hands.

He doesn’t cry – he can’t; his father beat it out of him years ago. But somehow his shoulders keep shaking.

"Please wake up."

#coldflash #leonard snart #barry allen #mick rory #an internal affair #my fic

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davidmann95 · 5 years

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Some Kingdom Hearts future thoughts

Have to get ‘em out! Went into some thoughts with my psuedo-review of III, but I’ve got others and stuff worth expanding on. I’ll put them under the cut since it clearly goes into spoilers, except for my boldest, most controversial guess: along with being announced either this year or next (since Kingdom Hearts has never reached the end of a calendar year after a release with nothing on the horizon) I think Kingdom Hearts IV is going to be a 2022 release. I recognize that sounds like an intensely generous timeframe, but I have several reasons:

1. Above all else by far: once again, Square Enix and Disney are going to be on Nomura’s ass, nose to the grindstone, to get him to start delivering these on a consistent basis again. Do you think they’re looking at Kingdom Hearts III topping sales charts and thinking “well, it sure was worth the wait”, or do you think they’re going “gosh, these are some nice sales, sure would be nice if it came out years ago and we had a bunch more similarly-selling titles by now, let’s try and aim for something closer to that in the future”. Especially-especially since Nomura and the actors aren’t getting any younger and the series is at a point where the core fanbase for the franchise as-is is going to be the primary target rather than new audiences, which means it has to wrap up in a timeframe where that’s still a viable market. So rapid, priority development and few if any more spinoffs. I mean, not as if there’s really a handheld platform for them to be on anymore.

2. My understanding (and this is going somewhat into the technical side of things, so I’m going thirdhand here based on what I’ve heard from others) is that the lifecycle of the current console generation isn’t going to run out for quite a bit yet, so they can reuse a lot of the assets and whatnot from III.

3. A big deal was made about Dream Drop Distance coming out on the 10th anniversary of the franchise, and given 20 is a much wilder number for this series than most equivalents when it’s about a single cast of characters going through a single story, I can’t imagine they won’t want to push that as at least a similarly big deal.

4. Finally, when things don’t go as catastrophically off the rails as III did, these games seem to have a fairly consistent 3-4 year development span (even III, once they announced the beginning of development in 2013, would have come out 2017-early 2018 if not for switching from Luminous to Unreal Engine), and for the reasons I listed above I think this is going to be on the speedier end of that.

* Firstly: the main discussion I’m seeing at this point regarding IV is “it’s gonna be a Kingdom Hearts/The World Ends With You/pseudo-Final Fantasy Versus XIII crossover!”, and I really expect and hope that isn’t the case. Not that I’ll be pissed if it is, I’m sure it would still be rad, but it strikes me as both unlikely and the lesser outcome. I don’t know that I see the powers that be diverting resources in one of their biggest cash cows towards a sequel to one of their minor games - one that’s already been in Kingdom Hearts, meaning its inclusion here wouldn’t reasonably be a huge enough deal to base a lot of the full story on - and a way to reimagine another project. And for that matter it strikes me as conceptually small-scale given the setup. Nomura went with a name in Yozora that doesn’t just have the bent meaning of Sora’s name but actually literally sounds like him, went with a setting that aside from the one cameo sign mainly screams to viewers “Sora’s suddenly in the real world, holy cow”, and unless I entirely misread it Verum Rex was presented as a total self-roast in Toy Box. It doesn’t strike me as spot-the-reference (even though that’s 100% in there) nearly so much as establishing a tonal contrast to Kingdom Hearts.

I joked initially about this being a Flash of Two Worlds! (linking to a description for non-comics readers who are here because I tagged Kingdom Hearts)/’Kingdom Hearts goes to war with its own gritty fanfic’ setup, but...I actually suspect that’s pretty close to what’s going on here? This seems like a send up of Final Fantasy’s relative self-seriousness and over the top Super Cool characters, as a contrast to Sora’s goofy open-hearted sincerity and optimism. It’s the Secret Movie aesthetic that some want not just more prominent but as the actual main tone of the series morphed into an entire universe all its own, and Sora, out of place, has to find his way through and back home even as the real threat mounts, and probably has to save this world and get through to its heroes who aren’t likely prone to grinning through off-the-cuff monologues about the heart. That is not only entirely my kind of ridiculous meta jam, it feels like a logical next step for the series: if the first trilogy was in part about growing up, the next (and I suspect last, as the Master of Masters and his Foretellers have been set up as the primordial antagonists of the entire mythology and this is where they’re coming to the fore; my old theory of Eraqus being the big bad of an intermediary trilogy looks solidly shot to hell) could very well be about reaching adulthood, in which case it makes sense Sora would have to pass through a near literal fire of Adolescent/Adult Cynicism.

* Speaking of where Sora ends up: I kinda doubt he’s literally dead, or that if he is it’ll last past the opening of the game. They’ve already made a big theatrical production of Sora dying twice now, the second time in the most literal way possible and just a few hours prior to this, so while third time’s the charm I think there’ll be more to it than that. The again common thing I’ve been seeing is that he’ll have to play the Reaper game to win his life back (not something I’m much familiar with but I think I’ve got the basics), but again, while it’ll certainly be part of the game I don’t think TWEWY is going to be the big thing here (like they’d really make that a bigger deal than the Final Fantasy elements have been), and he just dealt with the afterlife and had to essentially play a game to win his soul back, and this wouldn’t even be a game he’s unfamiliar with. My impression is he’s incorporated back and whole - if likely powered down from the ordeal to justify him being back at level one - and the mystery is less whether or not he’s truly alive so much as how he ended up here and how to get back.

* On the other end of things - and I realize it’s a risky prospect to suggest after her getting a shockingly small role compared to everyone else in III was the damning weak aspect of its otherwise basically perfect finale - I think this is where Kairi is actually going to start to come to the forefront. She and Riku would be at the head of a search that everyone would be a part of (they were there when it happened, they know death is negotiable in their world, and they’re good people who all owe him), her especially since he’s her boyfriend - they may not declare it outright but there’s clearly no ambiguity between the two of them as to their situation anymore - and the one he sacrificed himself for, and she’s out there fighting now even if she’s inexperienced. And Riku seems like he’s going to end up lost himself on the search, leaving her behind as the sole Destiny Trio representative. So even if she isn’t a playable co-lead I wouldn’t be surprised if she was the one going on a more traditional Kingdom Hearts adventure searching with the rest while Sora and later Riku deal with the genre mindfuck. On the bright side if nothing else, she’s died twice now too and they’ve both been presented as dead in a “maybe this time for real” way for a finale, so while again third time’s the charm, I figure she and Sora are relatively bulletproof from here on out.

* Speaking of Riku, while this seems more like an old-school proof of concept trailer from I and II rather than the more recent actual scenes, meaning his appearance might well change just as Kairi was different in I’s Secret Movie than she really was in II, it’s very notable that he hasn’t aged at all. So likely instead of another tragic I to II scale timeskip of Sora being lost from his friends, it looks like IV will be picking up immediately and the search for him won’t take long to succeed. Also speaking of Riku, I seem to see people thinking he’s with Namine now? Not that that seems impossible, but while the scene as a whole is romanticized in that it’s basically a princess being carried away by chariot to her happily-ever-after, it reads to me less as an actual romance than Riku fulfilling his ‘brother’s promise. Though if Square/Nomura does want to really get into romance with the next trilogy, since Sora/Kairi is locked down maybe they’ll just say fuck it and do a whole Riku/Namine/Xion/Roxas Love Square situation.

* Actual prediction rather than analysis of evidence: I suspect this is the last major time the Destiny Trio is going to be split up, at least in the searching-for-each-other, not-knowing-if-everyone’s-alive sense. I was the search for Kairi, II for Riku, and now IV for Sora - that cycle looks to be completing. Wouldn’t be surprised if V and/or the finale was finally the three of them as the adventuring party as fans have wanted for so long, with III as the grand finale to Sora/Donald/Goofy.

* It seems early to predict the main villain, but at the same time everyone was accurate in assuming a Keyblade-wielding Xehanort would be the final boss of the trilogy circa 2006, so I’m gonna go ahead and say Xigbar/Luxu is gonna be the end-all with IV. The Master of Masters is still the end of the road, and perfect for it because he’s a real-world normal savvy guy who can manipulate this world of straightforward classical adventurers with ease, while Sora at the opposite end of the scale is silly and sweet even by that world’s standard. But Luxu addresses the same ideas in a way that’d be perfect for this game in particular as it seems to be set up, he’d be the villainous connective tissue as this game moves from one trilogy to another, and he has the dangling personal thread of the ‘reward’ he suggested was coming for Sora. Or hell, since now it looks like she’s at least somewhat privy to what’s going on, maybe Maleficent will finally step back up.

EDIT: Ooh, just remembered, speaking of what Xigbar says to Sora, his Olympus conversation also predicts Sora’s fate? The whole “if you leap in to save somebody, you might just end up in the clutch needing to be saved yourself” lecture, i.e. the premise for IV. Maybe his teach isn’t the only one privy to future events?

* Not both, they’ll wanna space it out, but I’m like 70% sure this is where Marvel or Star Wars are gonna happen.

* Finally, while I’ve heard speculation that the Mystery Star is one of the Foretellers or the person who died in that Union X game, I don’t think she’s one of them given it’s a new voice actor and she cites a name Sora knows. More likely she’s ‘Subject X’ (I went ahead and looked up the Secret Reports, haven’t gone back and done all the bonus challenges myself yet and won’t I imagine for some time), who does seem to be from that time but is I think someone new.

#Kingdom Hearts #Kingdom Hearts IV #Kingdom Hearts III #Analysis #Opinion

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playeroneplayertwo · 5 years

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The Ten: 5.19

It seems a good icebreaker, or as good an icebreaker as any, to lay bare my top 10 of all time. Clear the air, so to speak. Get to know each other. It’s fair to say that this may be a make or break moment for us. Hopefully, I won’t lose you. Let’s see.

This is a list I imagine I’ll update periodically (which is why it’s dated), as my wife Kathleen (Player Two) and I play a lot of games, and a lot of new games. I’m a notoriously curious and searching type, and I love trying new games, sometimes to my wife’s chagrin. More often than not, my spare change goes to new games for the house. New games that make a splash tend to spike pretty high and then slowly fade. It’s not a great trait to have, especially in someone who tries to speak or write critically about quality (ie write reviews). But being that I’m aware of this, I hope that tempers it at least somewhat.

Anyway, where’s the list, you say? Here we go:

1. Brass: Birmingham (2018)

Oh boy, it’s a new one. Cult of the new? To be fair, Kathleen and I have played this game fairly regularly for the last eight months. By our third play or so, I knew it had locked itself into my top spot. I’d done a fair bit of research on the OG Brass (now Brass: Lancashire) prior to purchasing Brass: Birmingham, and by the time I eventually took the dive and purchased Birmingham, I was as excited to try it as I was unsure we’d actually enjoy it. At the time, it was the heaviest game we’d played, and it also relies heavily on route building–it’s in fact one of the most important parts of the game. I mention this because tactical spacial elements are not Kathleen’s forte. In fact, it’s one of her least favorite mechanics.

This is a good time to tell you that Kathleen and I think (and play games) very differently. Kathleen is a strategic player, relying on long term planning and execution to maximize scoring/performance. I, on the other hand, do not make long term plans. I find it not only remarkably difficult, but also unenjoyable. I’m a short term/tactical player. On my turn, I’m more likely to look over the board, get a lay of the land, and make the best, most advantageous play available to me at that moment.

Brass: Birmingham remarkably manages to cater to both of our play styles, which is one reason it ranks so high. Birmingham presents a myriad options for players to pursue. You’ve got a whole pile of different factory tiles you can build, a whole mess of locations or regions to move into, and about as many different strategies to pursue on your way to the end game. I don’t think I’ve ever played the same game of Brass: Birmingham twice, nor have I ever pursued the same options. The card play means, for me, that I will go where the cards lead, and I find using these cards as a guide to build my engine incredibly satisfying.

2. Covert (2016)

Dice placement. For some reason, this mechanic sounds incredibly unappealing to me, and I think it’s because it’s literally a portmanteau mechanic consisting of the worker placement mechanic using dice, two individual mechanisms that I seem to enjoy less and less. Dice I tend to avoid for their randomness (yes, I know that’s the point), and Worker Placement, in it’s most stereotypical application, I find frustrating. Why can’t I just put my worker wherever I want and just run my engine? Being stymied in a worker placement game just annoys the hell out of me.

So why do I love Covert?

It’s a pretty straightforward points race built around mission cards that have specific requirements. And using the dice as workers seems a fairly typical euro mechanism, but what I like about Covert is how puzzly it is. When you place your dice workers, they’ll be placed on round tracks with spaces numbered 1-6, and you won’t be able to place a die unless it’s adjacent to another die. In this case, you can do anything you want, but only if you plan correctly and work well with the other players. It becomes an order of operations puzzle, which may frustrate some, but I love it.

Also, I can’t get enough of that spy theme. And the production is fantastic.

3. Eldritch Horror (2013)

Ah, Cthulhu. For being the spawn of such a troubled person (HP Lovecraft), I find Cthulhu’s mythos and surrounding universe positively enthralling.

But dice! Ugh yes, this is a huge, sprawling, long, and [sorta] bloated game that is built all around a very simple dice rolling resolution system. I have no way of justifying why this doesn’t bug me, but it just doesn’t.

Maybe I’m just a sap for the theme (Indiana Jones + Cthulhu = Win). Or maybe it’s nostalgia, considering this is the game on my top ten that I’ve played the most and had the longest. But, if I try to dig into the real reasoning here, it’s probably because this game manages to give you a big, rich, story-based experience that feels like an event when it’s over. Yes, it’s the biggest, longest play session on this list. But I love every minute of it. Even those maddening bad dice rolls.

4. Lord of the Rings: The Card Game (2011)

A long time ago, Kathleen and I came to this hobby via Magic: The Gathering, the deep, long standing king of the collectible card game. Magic is a great game, but it brings out the worst in me as a gamer. Playing Magic makes me both a bad winner and bad loser. Frankly, that’s a terrible combination. Why would you want to play with me at all?

This obvious problem led us to cooperative board games. If I’m gonna lose, why don’t I just lose with you. That’s a refreshing change of pace!

And speaking of losing, hey let’s talk about Lord of the Rings: The Card Game. The word used most frequently when talking about this game–by me and pretty much anybody who’s ever played it–is PUNISHING. And yes, it’s punishing. Kathleen and I have played a few punishing euros at this point (feed those people), but this is something else. Get a few bad card flips from the encounter deck and you’re suddenly up to your eyeballs in LOTR baddies. Orcs and goblins? Oh hai. But your dwarves or hobbits or whatever are never really out of it. Smart deck building (and luck) definitely has carried us out of the tall grass on more than one occasion. And there’s something to be said for a game as well balanced as Lord of the Rings. More than once, a game has concluded on a turn where we either win or lose based on that single turn’s outcome.

The theme doesn’t really do much for me, but I took the dive on this game because it looked like a well-designed and well-supported cooperative card game (of which there really aren’t too many). It’s stood tall over the years, and I hope it continues for a while. When I first played Arkham Horror: The Card Game, I figured it would knock this down a peg or two. But the designers’ ingenuity in the LOTR quests and encounter deck designs has been (for me, at least) a much more rewarding experience.

And I appreciate a cooperative game where you actually lose more often than you win. It seems a rarity in the co-ops we have.

5. Great Western Trail (2016)

I’d heard and read so much about this game prior to purchasing it that I almost didn’t even want to get it (which is exactly how I feel about Concordia and Trajan, subsequently). I dig the cowboy theme, but beyond that, I’d pretty much phased out all the actual details on this game’s gameplay.

But yeah, it really is good. Ya’ll were right. I love games that are heavy but are built around simple gameplay, and Great Western Trail epitomizes that. One your turn you move your cowboy on the (effectively) huge rondel board and then take an action on the space where you stop. That’s it.

The beauty of the game comes from the remarkable breadth of options you can pursue. Using cowboys to buy cows, hiring engineers to move your train and build stations, hiring carpenters to build buildings and busy up the board, and completing objectives are some of the main tasks you’ll be focusing on, and what really clicks for me with Great Western Trail is that it’s a tactical player’s dream. The board is constantly changing, and as it changes, so must your plans. The objective cards steer you somewhat, but you’ve really gotta cut your own path across the wilderness here.

Oh, and I love deckbuilding as a sort of side dish mechanic. It isn’t always enough to sustain a whole game, but it’s great as a single piece of a pie.

6. Gloomhaven (2017)

All right, so this big beast has moved all over my ranking in the year+ since my first game. I won’t lie, it sat at #1 for a while. Then it slid a little, then a little more. I mean, it’s still at #6, so it’s not exactly plummeting. It’s the Board Game Geek #1 game of all time (as of this writing), and it’s hard to say if it’s deserving of this (and if not, what deserves the spot instead). Again, this is so subjective, and games like this or Scythe tend to be lightning rods for people who want to take a shot at the new hotness.

But yes, it’s good. It’s very good. I’m not as enamored by the sprawling nature of it as I was, nor the campaign, but being a person who loves variety, it’s scope is certainly a nice bonus. But after you haven’t played it in a while, it becomes a HUGE box that takes up a whole shelf and is a bear to set back up. And even though the box is 20lbs and takes up a whole shelf and the game takes 20+ minutes just to set up, the card play in Gloomhaven is just stellar. I love that this is essentially a tactical minis game with a euro engine. Tactical minis games rank incredibly low on my chart o’ interest, but this game takes that standard tactical minis expectation and smashes the shit out of it.

Despite its niggling flaws, it’s an excellent game.

7. The Exit Series (2017-?)

This is the last co-op game on my list, and I just looked back and saw that there are four on here. I was just talking to Kathleen about how much I’d rather play competitive games instead of co-ops, and apparently I said that in a moment completely lacking self-awareness. Also, this is a cheaty kind of entry considering we’ve played at least eight Exit games.

Remember when I said that I liked Eldritch Horror because it was an event game that provided a big, rich experience? Well, the Exit games give you a meaty, brainier experience in a slightly shorter time period. There’s not much story–despite the designers really trying to cram one in there–but I’ll always love Exit because it’s become our Date Night game. Kathleen and I will get some nice booze, take out food, and sit down with a new Exit after we put our son to bed. The experience can be frustrating–remember we think very differently, but each experience has always been something to remember (except the Secret Lab; what happened in that one?). Special props to Exit: Dead Man on the Orient Express, in particular.

The puzzles are really satisfying when you crack them, especially after working on them for a while. We take longer than average to do these because we resist those hint cards as much as possible, so our games can stretch. But Exit should be an event, and when savored like one, it doesn’t let you down.

Also, if you have concerns about the value of an Exit game, if you look at it as an event (like going to the movies or *cough cough* playing T.I.M.E. Stories), it’s actually a very good value. Recycle it!

And finally, yes, Exit trumps Unlock any day of the week.

8. Glory to Rome (2005)

That Glory to Rome is out of print is a cryin’ shame. Our copy isn’t even a real copy, I printed a crappy DIY version at Staples and then cut and sleeved them with old Magic commons. Our copy looks bad, is cut unevenly, and has eery MTG watermarks shining through the thin weight paper, and I couldn’t care less. This game is awesome. It’s got about a million different combos that are all seemingly game-breaking, but the fact that everything is so powerful is really what makes this game so exciting.

Multi-use cards are one of my favorite mechanic, and this game is completely built around them. And like any well-designed game that is build all around cards, the design of this never leaves you feeling hamstrung by bad card draw. If you’re doing badly at Glory to Rome, it’s your fault. Sorry. You haven’t found the combo that will win the game for you. I can say this because I’m terrible at Glory to Rome, and I know it. That’s not saying I’ve not won before. I have, but more likely than not it was because I accidentally stumbled onto something good.

Like Brass: Birmingham, no two games of Glory to Rome are the same. There are so many cards in the box, and the subtle sense of humor that permeates some of the cards just tickles me (please see: latrine).

It’s fast and exciting, and giving you options on other players’ turns is also one of my favorite mechanics. I’ll happily play and lose Glory to Rome anytime.

9. Nippon (2015)

Full disclosure, this is the newest edition to this list, and Kathleen and I have only played this a few times, but there’s something about this game that really fascinates me.

At first blush, it feels like Brass, but it’s not. Like Brass, this is an economic engine, but it doesn’t allow the multi-turn build up to The Big Turn like Brass. Then I thought it was a little like Great Western Trail, but it’s not really like that either. Great Western Trail presents a ton of options, but by the end of the game, you really need to work on all of them, at least a little bit, or else your score will suffer. Nippon, however, doesn’t make you do a little bit of everything. There are a number of elements in Nippon (like trains), that can be all but ignored except for certain circumstances. It’s a game built around area control via slow burn engine building. A number of other elements to the game are very specific tools you can use to hone that engine, but could just as easily prove useless under the wrong conditions.

This may be misdirected musings by someone who hasn’t played the game enough, but it feels right to me. The last time we played, I came to the realization that the game felt so fraught because I was trying to do too much. The game presents you with a large amount of avenues to pursue because you don’t actually have to pursue them all; you can’t, there’s not enough time in the game (or money!). You need to choose your actions and build the best engine as quickly as possible.

Nippon is a cutthroat fight that feels both wickedly fast and frustratingly slow at the same time. Special bonuses for completely subverting the worker placement mechanic with its own implementation that runs the whole game. It’s a puzzle that I have relished greatly.

10. Star Wars: The Card Game (2012)

Two Fantasy Flight LCGs on the list? Sweet Christmas!

But yes, this is a great game. I’m not sure it ever got much love, and it saddens me that it’s now dead, but it’s such an interesting design. That it does a fine job of simplifying deck construction is just a bonus.

I appreciate that Star Wars feels like a game of high stakes gambling. The first few turns are slow and quiet as you work through your deck and build your forces, but once conflict erupts, everything tends to break wide open. Each decision you make has massive repercussions, as single large mistakes will lose you the game. Add in some actual bluffing and a ticking clock, and this is the simplified and streamlined (if safer and less wild) version of Doomtown: Reloaded, another card game that I absolutely love.

But where I think Doomtown ultimately fails, Star Wars succeeds. The game doesn’t get bogged down in complexity, and instead feels relatively streamlined considering its medium weight. Every time I play this game, I’m impressed by how smart Eric Lang’s design is. I feel like he played a ton of Magic: The Gathering, and then he removed all the things that bothered him (and bothered me, too).

I think this game is overlooked and underplayed, and dare I say forgotten, but for my money, it’s absolutely worth revisiting. And played over and over again.

Please remember, this list will change. Check back occasionally to see how. If you have any questions or opinions of your own, let me know in the comments!

Thanks for reading!

Eric (Player One)

#top ten #board games #board game #great western trail #gloomhaven #brass birmingham #star wars card game #nippon #glory to rome #exit #eldritch horror #lord of the rings card game #covert game #covert

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buzzedbabe · 6 years

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@thewolfdragon @richard-madden @maddennfl86 @thenorthremembersalways @thefashionprofessor @robbstarkmademedoit @what-would-wonderwoman-do

story below for those that can’t read it

How much time are you spending thinking about Bodyguard? A lot, I bet. The new BBC thriller, about the relationship between an ambitious and unknowable home secretary and her PTSD-addled protection officer, was written by Jed Mercurio of Line of Duty fame, and was cynically and artfully designed to hook, obsess and fixate an audience into appointment viewing.

Bodyguard is made to steal us away from all newly acquired suit-yourself, binge-watch and content-stream habits, with charismatic heroes who might actually be despicable antiheroes and a succession of frenzied plot twists that simply must be consumed on the night lest someone catch you out with a spoiler on social media. Even if that doesn’t happen, even if your viewing isn’t partly ruined by a stray Facebook comment, watch an episode even a little late and find yourself locked out of all the best conversations, the most detailed post mortems, most frenetic speculations. Bodyguard is, in essence, a middle-aged Love Island, a reason to gather excitedly round the screen at the prescribed hour in a way that hasn’t really happened since the late Nineties.

Bloody hell, it’s good, I tell its star Richard Madden. The 32-year-old Glaswegian actor made his name as Robb Stark in Game of Thrones and consolidated it as Prince Charming in 2015’s Kenneth Branagh-directed Cinderella. Now, after playing Mellors in Mercurio’s 2015 Lady Chatterley’s Lover for the BBC, he trembles on the verge of Poldarking himself into borderline indecent, heavily fetishised glory as Bodyguard’s David Budd, the protection officer at the heart of the story.

“Oh, right,” he says. His accent is broad, non-posh Scottish; unexpected to those who remember it as generically Yorkshire in Game of Thrones. His eyes are intense. He’s arch and funny; he’d probably qualify as dangerously charming if there weren’t also something watchful and cautious about him. “Thanks very much! I enjoyed playing something a bit more adult, less boyish. I’m keen to play more grown-up roles, without actually growing up myself. Pretending to be adult. I’m done playing princes. Princes and royalty and lords. Also, it’s nice not to do an accent.” David Budd is – conveniently – Scottish. “One less thing to think about. Shall we get a drink? It is a Tuesday night, after all.”

It’s a Monday, I point out, but all the same we order a beer and wine from the front desk of the photographic studio in which we sit.

This is not the first time Madden and I have met. Three years ago, he bowled up to me at a friend’s party and demanded to know why I hadn’t featured him in Grazia magazine’s Chart of Lust recently. A placing in the list (which I compile weekly, and does exactly as its title suggests – rates the most fanciable people of that moment’s news), is deeply coveted among those who present themselves as above that kind of vanity, but definitely aren’t. Newscasters, Hollywood A-listers, national treasures, disruptive artists (Grayson Perry once told me he’d pinned his mention up on the wall in his studio), award-winning novelists … I’ve been lobbied by spads chasing mentions for their political charges on more than one occasion. But this was the first time a candidate had ever approached me in the flesh. I was both impressed and amused by his front.

“It does my frail ego good,” he’d elaborated, which, I’d thought, demonstrated a surprising amount of self-awareness in a young actor.

I remind him of our first meeting.

“Oh, God. Great start,” he says. Then, “I’m just trying to work my way up [the chart].”

Well, let’s see how this goes, shall we.

One of the reasons I think Bodyguard resonates so hard with its viewers is that it’s dealing with themes of safety – and so are we all. Terrorist attacks, suicide bombers and rooftop snipers recur from episode to episode; our current nightmares, and most catastrophising daytime fantasies, the ones that flicker through our minds every time we board a plane, go to a concert venue or swipe into a subway system, are played out in high definition on our small screens. Madden’s David Budd thwarts and buffers and foresees and repels; a hero with a fantastically of-the-moment brief. If Poldark is our ultimate historical TV pin-up – manly, tortured, good with his shirt off – then Budd is our ultimate Threat Level: Severe pin-up – manly, tortured, good in a bulletproof vest (“An actual bulletproof vest,” he’ll tell me, “which is so comfortable, for five months”).

I run this theory past Madden. How nervy is he in London right now?

“I don’t feel unsafe. I used to be more panicky, but I’m just less uptight. A few years ago, I’d get off at Tube stations because I’d have a sense of something.”

How much of David Budd’s wariness did Madden inherit through the course of filming?

“You get to a point where you clock everything. That’s what I’m doing for 12 hours a day, so …”

Walk into a room, scope it out for the nearest exit?

“I did that anyway. My dad’s a fireman, so that’s built in. Check into a hotel, first thing I do, find the fire exit.”

Richard Madden was born just outside of Glasgow, an only boy among older and younger sisters. His mother, Pat, is a classroom assistant. There were no other performers in his close family – no pub-singer uncles, no sisters at dance school.

You’re, like, a rogue luvvie.

“Yup!” he says.

How does that happen?

“I don’t know. I was fat. And shy. Crushingly shy, going to what was a fairly tough high school. Aggressive. Masculine. So I thought the best thing to do would be to go and be an actor. Ha ha! Not go and play football. Or get good at boxing. I’ll go and be an actor. They’ll love that.”

Aged 11, Madden joined Paisley Art Centre’s youth theatre programme. “And of course, they did not love that. But then I managed to dodge a couple of years of school, because …”

Because he was good enough to be cast, as a young teenager, in professional roles: in the film adaptation of Iain Banks’ Complicity, and in a kids’ TV show called Barmy Aunt Boomerang.

“So I was like, ‘I’m going to be acting, and not go to school.’ And get paid.”

Did you realise you were good? “I don’t think you ever feel good at it.”

He gave up acting in his mid-teens – “Life got a bit shit, when you’re on telly, among your peers, and you’re 14 years old”. He returned to it when he was 17, “because you have a bunch of teachers going, ‘Right, now you must decide what to do with the rest of your life,’ and 17 is of course the best time to choose.”

In 2004, he began studying at the Royal Scottish Academy of Music and Drama. “I wasn’t allowed to apply for drama school unless I applied for a ‘real’ course as well, which was computing science. I didn’t even know what it was. Had no interest. And then, luckily, the day before my first exams, I received a letter saying you’ve got into drama school, so I went to my exams and just wrote my name.”

At 22, barely out of the RSAMD, he was cast as Robb Stark in HBO’s epic, fantastically successful Game of Thrones. Stark is the noble, brave, integrity-hampered son of Sean Bean’s Ned Stark; a character with a genuine and credible claim on the kingdom’s iron throne, all of which condemned him to a phenomenally gruesome death in an episode entitled The Rains of Castamere, only fans of the show (among whom I count myself, unashamedly) call it “The Red Wedding”, on account of the blood-drenched ceremony during which Madden, his pregnant wife and his mother all die.

Madden says he thinks that early, formative brush with a TV career was both “a head-f***” and, “I was so thankful for it, because, going into the world of Game of Thrones, I’d already learnt so much from doing it as a kid, of feeling isolated, or getting arrogant because you’re on a TV show. I’d kind of done all that. I could deal with it a lot better.”

A lot better than whom, among your co-stars?

He cackles. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

Yes! Can I guess? “No.”

Madden went into Game of Thrones knowing he would die within three series – the books on which the shows are based spelled out Robb Stark’s demise long before Madden was cast – which he thinks is a good thing, professionally speaking. “I didn’t just want to be known as that guy from Game of Thrones.” It also meant that his celebrity has, until this point at least, been tinged with pity, partly for the grotesque manner of his fictional death, partly because he was booted out of that juggernaut of a TV sensation early.

That might be about to change with Bodyguard. I am reasonably confident Madden’s fame is about to be tinged with something rather more lecherous. David Budd is in no sense a straightforward romantic hero – physically and emotionally scarred, with an undivorced wife and kids squirrelled away in a safe house – but heavens, he does brooding intensity well. His love affair with Keeley Hawes’ home secretary, Julia Montague, is as intensely sexy as it is quietly subversive, for making no reference to Hawes’ Montague being ten years older than Madden’s Budd. The whole thing is designed to charm the pants off us, and I wonder how prepared Madden is to receive the unbridled lust of thousands of women on social media.

If Twitter erupts with lechery …

“I won’t look.”

Why?

“Because if I do, and if I believe someone going, ‘Oh God, he’s hot,’ then I’ll also have to believe the person that goes, ‘He’s got pumpkin teeth.’ Do you know what I mean?”

Yes, but, you are widely considered handsome, so …

“I don’t see it.”

Truly not?

“Truly not.”

It is form for beautiful young actors to deny their looks, in the interest of seeming more humble and likeable than they really are, but I think, in Madden’s case, he could mean it. He tells me fame has made him feel less attractive, not more. “You chat to a girl at a bar, have a couple of drinks, and shy Richard is slowly going. This is going well. And then it’s, ‘My boyfriend’s a really big fan. Can I get a picture?’ And you go, ‘F***.’ You think they think you’re hot, but it’s because you’re on telly.”

I ask Madden if he thinks he’s irredeemably defined by the chubby, shy child he used to be.

“I feel like I should lie down on that sofa and give you a hundred quid.”

Were you really so scarringly fat?

“Thirty-eight inch waist when I was 12. I didn’t wear denim until I was 19, because denim is really hard to take up. My mum couldn’t take my jeans up.”

Would you say you have body issues?

“Absolutely, yeah.”

Despite all of which, Richard Madden does OK with women. When I originally met him, he’d been in the final stages of a long-term relationship with the actor Jenna Coleman, who stars as Victoria in the ITV show, and who is now in a relationship with her onscreen Albert, Tom Hughes. Since then, Madden has been gossip-column-linked to a succession of beautiful women – model Suki Waterhouse and TV presenter Laura Whitmore among them – none of whom seem notably put off by his pumpkin teeth.

“I think in the last year I was, as far as the tabloids went, dating seven different people. And when you receive a text saying, ‘Are you sleeping with blah blah,’ and you go, ‘No,’ that’s a bit weird.”

Who are you sleeping with?

“I’m not saying.”

But you are sleeping with someone?

“I am sleeping with someone. I am very happy with someone. There are pictures of it on the internet.”

If it’s the one everyone thinks you’re dating, I say – by which I mean the 21-year-old Ellie Bamber, with whom he was pictured most recently at the Serpentine Gallery summer party – then she’s another actor. Is it really a good idea to go out with other actors?

“Yes and no. Yes, because you understand what each other’s going through. No, because, there’s a certain level of self-focus you need, in order to do the job you’re doing. That’s hard on all relationships, because what am I going to talk to you about? I walk up and down for 12 hours a day, dealing with this character’s shit. That’s all I’ve done, every day, for the past three months … I really haven’t got anything to offer you as a friend.”

We return, briefly, to Bodyguard. He says he got on brilliantly with Keeley Hawes. “Love her, love her to pieces. She saved my arse, because it’s not a fun job. It’s not a comedy. But then Keeley and me, me and her, off screen, were just like two kids.”

Were you paid the same?

“No idea. I imagine she earned more. I care less about how much other people are paid, and more what it takes for me to shut up and go and do my job. The equality thing needs to be addressed hugely between male and female co-stars; I know that from friends of mine. But there’s only so much I can do for myself. Agents and lawyers, they do all that stuff. I just kind of deal with what I need to, so I don’t look a producer in the eye and f***ing hate them when they’re talking about their villas, and you’re thinking, shit, I’m getting the bus at the weekend, because I don’t have the money for a cab, you know?”

How rich are you?

“Not very. People think I am, because of Game of Thrones, but you know, when I signed up for that I was 22, with f*** all on my CV, so I was paid f*** all.”

Then, somehow, we end up talking about his body again.

“In between filming, I eat pizza, drink, don’t work out, get fat, then it’s six weeks till you have to be naked again. It’s always six weeks. Actually, that’s if you’re lucky. I have ten days till I take my clothes off again this time.”

What’s the occasion?

“I’m filming Rocketman, the Elton John film, and I play John Reid, his first boyfriend, his manager for 28 years.”

A straight man in a gay role; casting that has become contentious after Disney named comedian Jack Whitehall, who is straight, as the voice of its first openly gay hero.

“Yeah, and Taron Egerton [who is playing Elton John] is a straight man in a gay role,” says Madden, “and I think we’re all f***ed if we start going down the route of you can only play a gay part if you’re a gay actor. Diversity, equality and pay – of course we need to make sure of all that, but at the same time … I read reports that so and so’s pulled out of this role because they’re not transgender, and you go, yeah, but they’re a f***ing actor, and they’re probably really f***ing good in the part, and maybe that is part of the reason why that film’s getting made …”

We wind up with him telling me he isn’t bothered about an Oscar. “Because, who won best actress last year? Best actor? Best supporting actor? What won best musical?”

No idea.

“So what does it matter?” he says.

After which, he is beautifully mocking (off the record) about a very famous actor’s latest endeavour, before hugging me goodbye and pretending – well – he hopes to see me again soon, socially. Richard Madden made it to No 2 in the current issue of Grazia’s Chart of Lust Bodyguard continues tomorrow at 9pm on BBC One. Episodes 1 and 2 are on BBC iPlayer

#richard madden #bodyguardbbc #robb stark

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stupidpianist · 6 years

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12 november 2018

13:22: Sitting in music library right now, trying to “brainstorm,” trying to “keep things fresh,” or something. Nearing 50,000 words on this project, and feeling like I need to do something with it in order to keep it from “going stale,” not on the level of y’all the readers, but even for, like, myself, doing this, I think. Not that I’m having a bad time doing this, or that I’m starting to get bored with it, or anything, the only reason I didn’t update the liveblog for the past three days were personal matters that kept me occupied for most of each day, so, like, it was practicality, not lack of interest that “kept me at bay.” At the same time I never like just continuing to do something the same way just because it’s what you used to do, and I’m having, like, an itching feeling about the liveblog, like, “gotta do something new with it, gotta ‘switch it up’ a bit.” It’s naturally evolved, I know, in terms of the structure and the tone and the prose since first starting, which is good, I like the natural progression of it, but I want to play with it a bit, like, push the form “to its limits,” or something. I feel silly writing that, hahahah.

Really dislike days when I “don’t update” the liveblog, even if it’s for valid reasons, still feels like I need to have some kind of “plan of action” in case that happens. Consistency seems like a prerequisite, or else liveblogging as a form loses meaning/power/effectiveness?? Crap now I’m going off on a liveblog theory tangent, theorizing, I’m theorizing, folks, like a big giant moron. Let me try to parse this out, let me try to, uh, “illustrate in text” where I think I can start bending the form:

-Have been doing timestamps to-the-minute as a way of structuring the blog, with, sometimes, “mega updates” that are more cohesive paragraphs, foregoing timestamps, when I’ve been lazy/unable to jot time down on phone note, or when unable to get to a computer to update blog for long periods

-Enjoy this notion of the timestamp, gives the whole thing a “real” feeling to it, knowing, exactly, what the person is doing, and when, but need to find a way to make it more precise??

-Maybe make a private Twitter or Mastodon account and post what I’m doing, that way Twitter/Mastodon can automatically log the timestamp and I don’t have to keep adding it into my phone’s note document, and I can, “with ease,” log things with a more exact level of detail?

-This doesn’t really change the form, or anything, of what I’m doing, though, want to incorporate something “new and exciting” so I’m not just going off of what I’ve grown comfortable with, need to keep “pushing myself”

-Okay think, George, think, what would be challenging, now that you’re used to logging each minute of being awake, what would make it harder, like, leveling up, the next stage in the game, the next boss hehe

Oh wait I think I know, think I have something for you, let me “serve you up” with this, let me “butter your bread,” guys. Boy George has got something, you remember MySpace, when you could do things like “listening to” and put music?? Okay so here’s my idea, I think it’ll be mutually fun to read and to write, I’m gonna write a paragraph or so about the music album/song/thing that I’m most listening to during each day, since this usually changes by day, and also because I’m listening to music for most of the time that I’m conscious. Actually, wait, wait, let’s calculate, let’s do some calculations:

-awake for, like, 16 hours each day? -subtract ~2 hours lectures per day -subtract ~4-5 hours piano practice per day ~subtract any time i’m with people i like, unsure what this metric is, heavily depends on day

Okay for like 9/16 of the hours that I’m conscious I’m going to be listening to music, and I have, like, a LOT to say about music, like obnoxiously so. So this is good, I can include an insertion about the day’s “soundtrack,” OH OH THAT’S GREAT okay that’s what I’m going to call it, I’m going to call this section “Soundtrack of the Day” hahaha, okay, nice, nice. Will do this section later today, needs to be “late enough in the day” where I really know what the soundtrack that fits my mood of the day is. That way the Soundtrack of the Day can give insight into how I’m doing, and it can also just be fun to write about music in itself. Also going to do that timestamp thing with a private Mastodon/Twitter account that only I can access so that it’s a lot easier to quickly input what I’m doing and have it automatically timestamped, been thinking about doing this for weeks now but never “implemented” it.

Okay, okay, there’s the Liveblog 2.0 update, we are now on phase two of liveblog, folks, here are the “patch notes”:

-fixed timestamp logging system, switching from google keep to mastodon

-added “soundtrack of the day” section, should provide further insight into each day’s liveblog, should also be fun to read from a musically critical perspective

-additional resources added towards maintaining liveblog, even minimally, on days when time constraints make longer updating practically impossible; new timestamp logging system should aid in this, as i can just mirror all the tweets/toots onto liveblog without elaboration, but at least they’ll be there

Sick it’s 13:44 now, I’m going to head up to the practice rooms and “see what I can do” for a bit. Oh crap, I almost forgot, hahaahah, here’s what I did today: -woke at 11h right before needing to run out of door for piano pedagogy class -hurriedly brushed, didn’t do hair, threw on clothes, ran out door -stopped for organic low-sugar energy drink, 100mg caffeine, en route to campus -went to class -went to tim hortons, got jelly donut, large coffee with one milk -brought tim hortons to music library

Fairly straightforward day so far, I’m still not sure, exactly, where my mood is, but I’m feeling well re: liveblog 2.0 changes. Don’t know if there are enough changes to constitute marking this as, like, a completely new version, instead of just a point release, but whatever I’m not about to fricken start labeling liveblog updates/“patches,” like, 1.2 or 1.02, just sticking with whole numbers lmao.

Also don’t have too much of a plan today, my obligations today are “scarce,” there are not many of them, no, not many at all, nope. Will practice and “see where my heart leads me,” I think, yeah. Feeling very “neutral” today, feeling like a murky, amorphous, grey sac.

#liveblog #blog #writing

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