#I miss you annoying gay roommate who's SO annoying but we were always hanging out together...

[liebelesbe]

man the worst thing about my long covid getting worse is that I missed so much school :(

I don't give a fuck about what we're learning but I was slowly making friends 😭

[does-this-look-logicality-to-you]

Valentine’s Day

words: 2868 universe: human au characters: virgil, roman, patton; mentions of remus, logan, janus pairings: romantic prinxiety, platonic moxiety, platonic DLAMPR, implied background romantic logicality warnings: none i can think of, just fluff on fluff on fluff a/n: happy late valentines day, everyone! i wanted to have this done on actual valentine’s day but executive dysfunction said no thank you. this fic is dedicated to my amazing girlfriend @katlikethesword. i still can’t believe how lucky i am to be your datemate, and i love you with all my heart. this is my first time writing a prinxiety fic this long, so i hope you like it <3

Virgil had never liked Valentine’s Day. As he often said, it was just another commercial holiday created for big corporations to take advantage of people’s relationships in order to make even more money. It was the same with holidays like Christmas and Halloween, but Valentine’s Day had always stood out to him as the worst of them all. He sometimes wondered if, deep down, he disliked this day in particular because he’d never had someone to spend it with.

That is, he didn’t, until he met Roman.

Virgil never would have guessed he’d fall for someone like Roman. The two had met through the internet, after joining a small Discord server for those who shared an interest in Steven Universe. The two held a sort of rivalry between them at first, arguing almost constantly to the point where the others would grow nervous when they noticed both of them online at once. They didn’t dislike one another, per se, but the fact that their opinions clashed a majority of the time led to conflict more often than not.

After some time— and convincing by the others— the two of them begrudgingly started to get along. Their arguments went from heated debates to playful bouts of banter. Virgil found himself growing fond of his eccentric friend, and began to see him as less annoying and self-absorbed. He instead grew to appreciate his sense of humor, and his eagerness to stand up for his beliefs, and his unrelenting loyalty to those he cared about.

Over time, Virgil’s feelings blossomed into something more than just platonic and he felt himself falling. It had terrified him at first— after all, he’d never had feelings like this toward anyone before. He finally came to terms with it after one fateful night, when a voice call lasted so long that the two of them had ended up falling asleep. After that, there was no turning back. After what felt like forever— in reality, a week— he finally opened up about his feelings, and somehow, by some miracle, Roman reciprocated them.

As a result, the two of them were now in a romantic relationship together. Virgil felt himself fall more and more in love every day. It was the simple things that made him special. Roman often sent him messages containing words of adoration and devotion, and he tagged his boyfriend in Tumblr posts that reminded him of their relationship, or of Virgil in general. Virgil had been hesitant to admit that he was in love with Roman, but he did so eventually. He couldn’t imagine loving anyone else.

Not everything was this easy, though. Roman lived thousands of miles away, too far to come and visit unless he was travelling with his family, which was unlikely considering how unappealing his home state was as a vacation spot and how unlikely it was for his parents to plan a trip there. All they could do was pine hopelessly as they waited until they could finally see one another. It wasn’t uncommon for Virgil to lose himself in daydreams of the day they could finally see each other, when they could finally hold each other, when they could finally be together. Roman sometimes joked that he’d expect the pining to die down when they got together, only for it to double once they actually did, and Virgil couldn’t help but agree. It was hard being so far from the person he cared about. All he wanted was to see his love, to be by his side, to be in his arms, even if only for a little while. Was that really too much to ask?

__

When he woke up on February 14, the first thing Virgil did was grab his phone and open Discord to message Roman. When he did, he’d been expecting his boyfriend to have sent him something, anything, but there was nothing. Maybe he’s not awake yet. He hoped that was it. gerard-gay: hey. happy valentine’s day. i miss you. After he sent it, Virgil lay back down, pulling the covers over himself and closing his eyes again. He stayed like that for a few minutes before stumbling out of bed and changing out of his pajamas. He wasted little time in changing into a purple t-shirt, his favorite hoodie, and a pair of dark gray sweatpants. With that done, he headed into the bathroom. He splashed water on his face, then dried it before taking out his makeup kit. He decided to go for a simple look today, complete with the black eyeshadow on his lower lid that he often wore. Satisfied, he left the bathroom and headed into the kitchen.

The first thing he noticed was that his parents weren’t sitting on the couch like they usually were. Panic surged through him as his eyes flitted around the room, looking for some kind of clue. His gaze fell on a bright pink sticky note on the counter. He came over to it and read it. We had to go pick something up. We’ll be home around 1pm. Love you! ~Mom and Dad Virgil sighed in relief. They hadn’t abandoned him after all. They could have told me beforehand, though. He glanced at the clock on the microwave. 8:49. Damnit, I got up too early. At least he had the house to himself for a while.

He made himself a cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal, got out his daily pills, and headed into the living room and set everything on the coffee table. He sat on the couch and turned on the TV, switching it to Netflix and putting on The Office. It wasn’t his favorite show, but it was better than eating in silence. As he ate his cereal, Virgil checked his notifications again. Nothing. He can’t still be asleep, can he? Even on the weekends, Roman was usually awake at around this time. He wasn’t ignoring him, was he?

Virgil soon finished his breakfast and grabbed a blanket from the back of the couch, swaddling it around himself. He stayed there for a while, occasionally having to venture out of his cozy cocoon to ensure Netflix that he was, in fact, still watching. As he watched, he kept an eye on his phone for any indication that Roman was alive and hadn’t grown bored of him.

Soon, he felt his phone buzz, and he nearly dropped it as he opened Discord to check the notification. To his disappointment, it wasn’t from Roman. It was instead from Patton, one of their mutual friends. happypappypatton: Happy palentine’s day!

Virgil couldn’t help but chuckle. gerard-gay: happy palentine’s day pat

happypappypatton: How’s your day so far?

gerard-gay: could be better

happypappypatton: Oh no! Why? Did something happen?

gerard-gay: nothing happened gerard-gay: just kinda worried about roman

happypappypatton: Is he okay?

gerard-gay: idk gerard-gay: i messaged him earlier but he didn’t respond

happypappypatton: Oh no, I’m so sorry!

gerard-gay: it’s okay gerard-gay: at least my parents aren’t home gerard-gay: so i get the house to myself😎

happypappypatton: Can I call you and keep you company?

gerard-gay: nah that’s okay gerard-gay: i don’t wanna take time out of your day

happypappypatton: You’re not happypappypatton: Nobody should be alone on Valentine’s day happypappypatton: Pleeeeease??? I want to talk to you!

gerard-gay: okay

happypappypatton: Yay!!

Virgil laughed to himself as he clicked the phone icon. It didn’t even finish ringing once before Patton picked up.

“Hi Vee!”

“Hey, Pat.”

“How’ve you been?”

“In the ten seconds since you last talked to me?” He laughed. “Exactly the same.”

Patton giggled. “Good point.”

“What about you?”

“I’m doing great! You know I love Valentine’s day.”

“I know you do. You and your roommate are having that Palentine’s party this year, right?”

“Yup!”

“I wish I could come,” Virgil half-joked.

“I know, I wish you could too. Just hang in there, we’ve only got a year and a half ‘till you graduate.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m counting the days.”

“Me too,” Patton agreed with a soft laugh. “Has Roman gotten back to you yet?”

“Nope.”

“That’s really weird. I would have thought he’d have sent you a page-long message about how much he loves you and misses you.”

“I know, I thought so too.” He sighed. “Do you think he’s sick of me?”

“No, absolutely not. You know how much Roman cares about you. Besides, even if he didn’t, he wouldn’t just ignore your messages.”

“Yeah, I guess. It would be pretty out of character for him to just ghost me.”

“Ghost you? But it’s not Halloween, it’s Valentine’s Day!”

Virgil groaned. “You couldn’t not make a dad joke, huh?”

“Sorry,” he giggled. “But you gotta admit, that was kinda funny.”

“Meh. It wasn’t your worst work.”

Patton laughed.

“Anyway.”

“Yeah, anyway…”

The two of them were quiet for a moment. “What about the others?” asked Virgil. “Have you talked to ‘em today?”

“Mhm! I DMed everyone earlier. I’m actually talking to ‘em right now.”

“Oh, cool. Are you…” he hesitated before finishing, “talking to Roman?”

“No, he’s the only one who hasn’t said anything. So on the off-chance he’s actually ignoring you, he’s ignoring me too.”

“Has anyone else said anything?”

“Nope. It’s weird, I asked them if they’d talked to him today after you told me he hadn’t been responding, and they all said no.”

“Even Remus?”

“Uh-huh. Apparently he hasn’t even seen him today.”

Virgil started bouncing his leg anxiously. “Okay, now I’m getting kinda scared. Do you think something happened to him?”

“I dunno. Maybe? But Remus would’ve said something about it, right?”

“Yeah, I’d think so.”

“Let’s change the subject,” Patton suggested. “I don’t wanna make you more anxious about this than you already are.”

“Thanks, Pat. How are the others? What are they up to?”

“They’re doing pretty good! Remus is working on a writing project, Janus is playing Stardew Valley, and Logan’s procrastinating on his schoolwork by scrolling Tumblr. Don’t worry, I already scolded him for it.”

Virgil laughed, the mention of Logan reminding him of something. “Ooh, speaking of Logan, are you gonna tell him today?”

“No, not today.”

Virgil was genuinely shocked. “Really? Why not?”

“C’mon, you know him. He sees Valentine’s Day as an excuse for big companies to make a boatload of money.”

“So? I think that too. What does that have to do with you not telling him?”

“It wouldn’t mean anything to tell him today. I don’t even know if I’m ready to tell him yet or not. Besides, he’s got a lot on his plate today, Valentine’s day or not.”

“I get that. Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound so pushy. You tell him when you know you’re ready.”

“Thanks, Vee. You didn’t sound pushy, though. I definitely know how frustrating it can be when your friend’s been pining after someone for months on end but they still refuse to do anything about it.“

Virgil laughed. “Okay, okay, I get it. I’ll stop complaining.”

“I’m not saying you have to. I did my fair share of complaining when y—” Patton stopped abruptly, and Virgil heard a faint voice coming from the other end. “Okay, just gimme a second,” Patton called out, clearly talking to someone else. “I’m so sorry, Vee, I gotta go. Emile promised a couple friends we’d meet them for lunch today and it completely slipped my mind.”

“That’s okay,” Virgil reassured him. “You go have fun, Pat. I’ll be fine by myself.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. If I get really lonely I can always talk to the others.”

“Okay. Tell me if Roman gets back to you, ‘kay?”

“I will. I’ll talk to ya later.”

“Bye! Love you!”

“Love you too.” Virgil hung up the phone and got up, grabbing his dirty dishes and taking them into the kitchen to wash them. Once he finished, he glanced over at the clock, which read 10:37. Only about two and a half hours until Mom and Dad get home, he thought as he put the dishes away. He left the kitchen, checking his phone again as he headed toward his bedroom. Once again, Roman still hadn’t said anything. He’s definitely awake by now. Had he been right? Had something happened to him? He forced the thought away. He couldn’t let that bother him. Why was it so important, anyway? Today was just another day.

He reached his room and sat down at his desk, turning on his laptop and putting on his headphones. He then opened Spotify and put on the playlist he’d made for Roman the day after they’d gotten together, before switching over to Tumblr and scrolling through his dashboard. He could probably do the exact same thing in the living room, but he preferred the cozier, more familiar atmosphere of his bedroom. Peanut, his cat, climbed up onto his lap and curled up into a ball. Virgil smiled to himself and reached one hand down to scratch him behind the ear. Peanut purred, and Virgil’s smile widened.

He stayed there for a few hours, seeing what everyone on Tumblr was up to today. Every so often, he switched to Discord to see if Roman had replied to him yet, but no such luck. He did his best to ignore his growing worry, focusing instead on the computer in front of him and the cat on his lap. He could be busy today, he reminded himself. His world doesn’t revolve around you.

Soon enough, he heard the familiar rumble of the garage door, followed by the ca-CHUNK of the front door and the clip-clop-clip-clop of his parents’ footsteps. Virgil gently moved Peanut off his lap, which the pale ginger tabby didn’t seem to mind much. “I’m gonna go say hi to Mom and Dad,” he told the cat. “You can come if ya want.” Peanut meowed in response, which made Virgil laugh. He knew his cat couldn’t understand him, but he still found it wildly amusing when he acted as if he did. He crouched down to pat his head a few times before leaving his bedroom and going into the living room. He smiled at his parents when he saw them. “Hey,” he greeted, giving a sort of half-wave.

“Hey, honey,” his mom greeted with a smile.

“Happy Valentine’s Day!” added his dad.

“Yeah, you too.” He came over and hugged his parents.

“Have you eaten yet?” his dad wanted to know.

“I did,” he reassured him. “I had a bowl of cereal.”

This satisfied him. “Good.”

“What’ve you been up to?” asked his mom.

“Not much. I had breakfast, called Patton and then went to hang out with Peanut and scroll Tumblr for a bit. What about you guys? What exactly were you picking up?” He glanced around in search of a box or some kind of indication of a possible answer but found none.

“Actually,” answered his mom. “It was something for you.”

Virgil hadn’t expected that. “Oh! I-uh, cool. Thanks.”

“Don’t thank us yet,” his dad told him with a laugh. “Go and see, it’s in the garage.”

“Okay.” He went into the laundry room, where the door to the garage was, with no idea what he was going to find in there. His parents rarely got him big presents, and when they did it was either for his birthday or for Christmas. He had no idea what to expect. He reached the door, turned the handle, and flicked on the lights.

Standing there was a teenage boy with a broad smile. He wore a red hoodie and a pair of ripped blue jeans, and his white sneakers were dirty and worn. Around his neck was a necklace with a gold-colored charm shaped like a crown. He spoke, his voice sounding to Virgil like the most beautiful of songs. “Happy Valentine’s Day, sweetheart.”

“ROMAN!” Virgil barreled into him, nearly knocking him over as he threw his arms around him. “Oh my God, you’re actually here. Like, right here. In my garage. How did you even manage to do this?”

“I have my ways.”

Virgil pulled back a little to smirk at him. “You’re just as insufferable in real life as you are online, huh?”

“Well, I’m afraid you’re stuck with me and my insufferableness.”

“Unfortunately.” Virgil gave him a lopsided grin as an indication that he was joking, and an adoring smile crossed his boyfriend’s face. “Is this why you haven’t answered my message?”

“I can’t believe you’re actually here. You actually are here, right? This isn’t some practical joke?”

“It’s not a joke. I wouldn’t do that to you. Well, maybe I would, but not on a day like today. Not on Valentine’s Day.”

The two were quiet for a few moments, just taking in one another’s presence. Virgil was pretty confident that he would willingly stay here forever if he could.

“Well, now that you’re here, what do you want to do first?” Virgil asked, finally breaking the silence.

Roman gave Virgil the playful smirk he’d only ever imagined before. “I think I have an idea.” He rested a hand on his cheek and leaned in, and Virgil felt his heart soar as he and Roman shared their long-awaited first kiss.

[gravelyhumerus]

Criminal Minds College AU - Chapter 4

Title: “I may just take your breath away”

Relationship: Jemily

Summary:

Emily’s alarm wakes JJ up.

Slow-burn Jemily college AU where they live across the hall and despite all odds, the universe pushes them together. AKA they’re silly gay babies who pine after each other for months.

Read it on AO3

Tumblr: Tumblr:  One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, (bonus scene), Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen, Twenty, Epilogue

Jennifer Jareau awoke in her bed to the sound of her alarm. She groaned as her body refused to cooperate, with the fog of sleep clouding her brain and the desire to just roll over and sleep in sounding very appealing.

It was such a late night last night with Emily and JJ had already set her alarm to nine thirty, giving her less time in the morning to get to her eleven am class than she would normally like. JJ liked eating breakfast, and with being an athlete, her body needed as much fuel as she could get.

She rolled over, slamming her hand onto her phone, attempting to turn off the beeping. It wasn’t working, forcing JJ to open her eyes against the sunlight. She grabbed her phone, unplugged it, and stared at the blank screen before realizing that it was only eight and her alarm wasn’t set for another hour.

JJ frowned, realizing that what she was hearing wasn’t her alarm, nor was it Penelope Garcia’s—her roommate who had a cheery jingle as an alarm—either. It must be coming from another room.

She looked over to the other side of the room where Penelope was sleeping peacefully, on her side with her chest slowing rising and falling. Lucky, JJ thought. Penelope, unlike JJ, hadn’t been rudely awoken by someone else’s alarm.

JJ pulled her pillow over her head, rolled over, and tried to fall back asleep. She was desperate to catch that extra hour of sleep.

She sighed, tried to relax and fall back into her slumber, but the blaring sound continued, and continued, without fail. Whoever was responsible for that god-awful noise apparently was not waking up.

JJ sat up, tossing her pillow aside. Quietly, despite her frustration, she threw back her comforter and blanket, slipped into her fuzzy slippers and walked to their door, peering into the hall.

She was wearing her pink pj bottoms and a grey cotton t-shirt from a soccer camp she went to in high school, and the cool air after the warmth of her bed made her shiver. Their dorm was either too hot, or too cold most days, never really reaching a comfortable living temperature.

Looking left and right, JJ tried to narrow down the sound of the incessant alarm. She held her breath for a moment, listening hard.

The beeping was coming from straight ahead. She looked at the door, staring it down, begging the other girl to simply wake up, turn off her alarm, and continue with her day.

That did not happen.

JJ slipped back into her room and grabbed her lanyard, to avoid getting locked out of her room with the annoying automatically locking doors.

She closed her own door quietly, as much as she was mad at Garcia for managing to sleep through the noise, she didn’t really want to bother her. JJ started with knocking lightly on the other girls door, rapping on the wooden door right next to the construction paper sea turtle that their RA had written Emily’s name tag on.

“Emily,” JJ said quietly, “Your alarm is going off.”

JJ checked her watch. Eight ten. Emily’s midterm for Clinical Psychology was at eight-thirty. She knocked louder.

No response.

She must be a very heavy sleeper.

JJ knocked louder, scared she would wake up the whole floor, but more worried about Emily’s education than disturbing them. Their walls were thin, but the fact that Emily could sleep through an alarm that could wake JJ up, across the hall, and sleep through JJ’s knocks, was borderline concerning.

After a few minutes of near-panicked knocking, she finally heard movement in the other room, with a muffled “Whaa-” coming from Emily.

She opened the door, rubbing her eyes and holding her phone.

“Your alarm was going off,” JJ said, sheepishly as she took in the taller girl staring at her in complete confusion. “And you have a midterm.”

Emily looked down to the phone in her hand, looking at the time and said, simply: “Shit,” before spinning back around.

“You have twenty minutes,” JJ pointed out, unhelpfully.

“Yes I very much do,” Emily replied, “And it’s in the psych building which is on the exact opposite side of campus. Dammit, the alarm must have been going off for a half hour. I have no idea how I slept through it.”

JJ, unsure at the protocol of what was happening, stood in the open doorway. She found herself somewhat overwhelmed at the sight of Emily. Instead of the t-shirt and pj pants that JJ had seen on her before, Emily was instead wearing a delicate, semi-transparent cotton camisole and silky looking shorts that were quite short and showed off most of Emily’s long legs. Her skin was pale, and even, without any freckles or scars marring the porcelain-like limbs. JJ, on the other hand, knew her tanned skin revealed the scars from the endless cuts and scrapes she’d acquired being a sporty child.  

What caught her eye most was something poking through the fabric of the thin camisole. JJ blushed as she realized that Emily had her nipples pierced.

Emily’s ensemble showed off much more of Emily’s body than JJ had ever seen before, but it wasn’t the body that shocked her (Jennifer Jareau played sports her whole life, she wasn’t shy about nudity), what shocked her was the fact that she couldn’t seem to tear her eyes away.

JJ had planned to wake up whoever was disturbing her with their alarm, then immediately go back to bed, but now she felt as if her feet were glued to the floor.

With her hands grasping her keys, clutching them tightly, JJ stared at her friend as Emily dug through her chest of drawers and stormed around the room in a frenzy.

She was not simply staring, JJ realized to her own personal confusion, she was ogling her. Emily’s typically perfectly straight black hair was wavy and messy, mussed by sleep and her bare face had a classic beauty that made something tighten in JJ’s chest.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” Emily muttered, throwing a pair of sweat pants over her shorts, not really having any time to get dressed. “Thank you for waking me JJ.”

This roused JJ from her thoughts, forcing her to come to terms that she was checking her friend out. She felt her face warm in a blush, and stared at the floor so she would no longer be looking at Emily like that.

“We use the same alarm,” JJ said, dumbly. “I thought it was mine.”

She gulped, watching Emily yank a hoodie over her head, and smooth her hair down with her fingers. Emily yawned, letting out a cute noise that made JJ smile.

“Well,” Emily replies, smiling at her sweetly, “I would have fully slept through this midterm if it wasn’t for you. You saved my life. Merci.”

Emily grabbed her backpack which was hanging off the back of her chair, and slings it over her shoulder. From atop her dresser, Emily picked up a red apple, rubbing it off on her shirt in lieu of washing it.

“Thank you again,” Emily says, pulling her into a quick hug. JJ found herself engulfed in Emily’s warm arms, the smell of orchids and coffee, for a short, amazing moment, before Emily pulled back.

Emily shut her door, took a bite of her apple with a wink at JJ, then ran down the hall on her way to her class.

JJ stepped back, left behind standing in the centre of the hall, alone with her thoughts. She remained there for a moment, processing the mixed bag of emotions.

She turned back around, unlocked her door, then sat back onto her bed. It was still warm from her body, and beckoned for her to return to its warm embrace. JJ, on the other hand, was still reeling from another embrace, that of her friend and neighbour.

Her friend, she reminded herself. They were friends.

JJ stared into the distance, breathing deeply and trying to process her racing thoughts. Her break up was fresh in her mind. She was still reeling from her break up, was overtired, and had just spent the entire evening with Emily listening to her speak to her in the literal language of love, no wonder why her brain was all mixed up.

JJ shook her head and laid back down, staring at the ceiling. She put her hands behind her head and closed her eyes.

Instead of her normal anxious thoughts about her midterms, her upcoming game and the end of her almost two year long relationship, her brain flashed to Emily. How patient she was last night explaining all the possible conjugations of the verbs, how she told her funny stories about her childhood in France, how she tried to catch the M&Ms in her mouth, and missed every time.

Emily could speak French fluently, and it was probably one of the most attractive things that JJ had ever experienced. She rolled her r’s so perfectly, and spoke with a clarity that she struggled to find in her professor’s strange accent.

JJ rolled onto her side, tugging the blanket around her, lost in thought. Emily was so nice, JJ really liked her. She liked her as a friend, right? That’s what this was?

She thought about Emily, who bakes cookies in the middle of the night, who gets way too into beer pong and who smiles wide every time she saw JJ and held her hand tightly as they walked home last night.

Did JJ like Emily? Like-like her? She didn’t know. She doesn’t like girls. She hadn’t really liked that many people before. She dated Will for two years, two nice, normal, comfortable years where she didn’t have to think about these things, about crushes or feelings.

She was always a very focused child, focused on school and on soccer and on getting to college. It was Will who pursued her, who was the first to text, who invited her places and encouraged her to be present. JJ was always reacting to the boy's affection, every time.

Her mom had The Talk with her when she was thirteen, which was awkward and tense, but instead of the typical discussion about the birds and the bees, her mom talked about love and consent and JJ’s future partner . At the time, JJ thought her mom was being silly because JJ liked boys;, she had crushes on boys like all the other girls in her grade. She always would pick the nicest one, and select him as her crush when the other girls would ask. But now, looking back, maybe JJ’s mom saw something JJ hadn’t seen herself.

No. That couldn’t be.

Jennifer, she scolded herself, don’t go down the rabbit hole. You just went through a messy break up. You’re confused is all.

It was true, just yesterday JJ fought with Will and it ended in, well, an ending of their relationship. Over the phone. He told her that he needed more from her, from them, and JJ told him that she was giving all she had. That was not enough for him.

She hadn’t even had that much time to think about it, and him, let alone tell her friends and family that it had happened.

She had hung up the phone and immediately had to go to a class. Before she knew it she was in a study room with Emily Prentiss forgetting all about her break up.

Her mind flashed to the girl in her class who had come out in eighth grade, how after she had, the other girls had told JJ to make sure she had turned around so the girl wouldn’t look at her inappropriately. JJ had protested at the time, arguing that the girl probably didn’t even find them attractive anyway, but that hadn’t convinced the others. They had shunned the girl for the rest of the semester.

JJ remembered feeling a bit sick at the thought of being that other girl, who’s identity had been shamed by her peers. She went home that day and cried in sympathy. She didn’t know why she did.

After that she, on a private browser, looked up the acronym: LGBT. She discovered the term ally, and decided that that was what she was. She had cried because she supports people who are gay, or bi, or transgender, not because she likes girls. She was always told that she was a sensitive child, she cried because she was empathetic.  

She had been confused about her feelings before, and had sorted them out. She could do that again easily. She didn’t like Emily that way. She was simply grateful for her company, for her friendship. She was a nice new friend, and JJ was just over excited as she got to know the girl across the hall.

JJ sighed. That made sense to her. She was a tangled mess of feelings and she needed some time to untangle them.

With that resolved, JJ tried to close her eyes and catch a few minutes of sleep but before she even closed her eyes, her alarm woke her up. Her real one.

She groaned.

To her right, Penelope woke up to the sound, yawning and rolling over at the sound.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Penelope murmured with a sleepy smile. “Late night last night?”

Penelope was probably her best friend at university, and her roommate. They were randomly placed together last year and had immediately become best friends. She was studying computer science, which was surprising because from what JJ could tell, Penelope could hack the FBI if she felt like it. She wasn't sure what else there was to study. Her side of the room was decorated in an explosion of colour, with endless trinkets on all of the available surfaces, and her walls covered in a rainbow of art, photos and miscellaneous ticket stubs and various moments of her life.

“Yeah,” JJ replied, sitting up in her bed and resigning herself to being awake. “I have that French midterm today.”

“Then the game!” she interjected, “I know! Spence and I will be there waving the flag.”

JJ smiled, grateful for her roommates' endless support.

“We should do trivia again this week,” Penelope says, “Reid is basically an encyclopedia and I think if we bring him we’ll win hands-down.”

JJ hummed in response, not really paying attention.

“I mean,” Penelope continued, “It’s probably unfair to drag a boy with an eidetic memory to a trivia game but I think it’ll be worth it.”

JJ was focusing on getting dressed, but tried to give her roommate enough reassuring nods to make sure she was active listening. She had to dress for her exam, then for her game so she chose track pants and her school windbreaker.

“Jayje, where’s your head at?” Penelope said and JJ frowned, she could read her like a book and could tell something was wrong. “You’re never this quiet. Is it about Will? We never really got to talk about what happened.”

JJ didn’t have the time to explain her tangled web of emotions.

“I’m fine Pen,” JJ assured her, “Just tired and worried about this midterm.”

“Okay,” she said, still looking worried, “You know I’m here.”

“I know.”

“Go get ‘em tiger!” Penelope grinned at her, “Just remember: voulez-vous coucher avec moi? That’s all you’ll need to know!”

JJ cracked a smile and wished Penelope a good morning, grabbed her bag before leaving. She waved goodbye and headed out into the morning, trying to shake her thoughts of Emily Prentiss away.

She had enough time to grab coffee and breakfast from the cafe before heading to her class a few minutes early so that she could look over her notes.

Forgetting Emily was hard when she was taking her French midterm, as the conjunction was coming to her, pronounced in Emily’s voice and explained in her clear, knowledgeable voice.

JJ sped through the midterm, a strange feeling tugging at her stomach as her focus was pulled two ways. One part of her, the one focused on the test, pictured Emily in front of her, her bangs getting in her face, her eyeliner drawn over her lid thickly coming to a sharp point on either side of her eyes, imagining her lips as she mouthed the words out to her. The other part of JJ, terrified of these thoughts and feelings, pushed her out of her mind, trying to compartmentalize the knowledge from the person.

Then her brain was filled with Will: of his kind smile, of how he hugged her tight and kissed her softly. Her brain desperately wanted to hang onto some sort of normal feeling of loss at the end of her relationship, but the majority of her feelings were unsatisfying and confusing.

The verb endings blurred together, and as she looked over her work before submitting, she found herself making stupid mistakes. JJ was in the middle of erasing an answer when her Professor called out to announce that time was up.

JJ walked out of the midterm frustrated. She was sure she did fine on it but was mad at herself for being distracted by her own personal issues.

She cursed Will for breaking up with her in midterm season, because she couldn’t focus on anything. She knew she was being distant, she knew it was her fault they were over, but the timing was overwhelming. Her status quo was crumbling and she was not quite sure how to keep the pieces together.

It’s over Jennifer, she said to herself, you finished your midterm. Time to focus on soccer and you’ll feel better.

That afternoon, JJ played an aggressive game, forcing her feelings out in her gameplay, running faster, tackling harder and hogging the ball more than she typically would.

She fought hard for the ball, barrelling towards the net, and setting up a perfect goal for her teammate. Who missed. It took JJ everything to not yell at her teammate, because she did not want to be red carded at a home game.

Next time she was on, instead of passing, she made sure she set herself up for a goal, charging past her opponents. She kicked. She scored. The roar of the crowd, the feeling of her team jumping upon her felt great.

In the stands, Penelope Garcia and Spencer Reid jumped high, cheering for their friend.

The adrenaline of the game wiped away the feelings of the day and JJ felt better. She felt normal. She could deal.

JJ could be happily single. She didn’t need Will and she certainly didn’t need to be distracted by anything right now anyways. She still had three midterms to go, then an away game next weekend.

After that, JJ could worry about her feelings. Until then, she had more important things to do.

In the locker room, JJ dried off, still buzzing with the win.

“Hey Jennifer,” a voice asked, coming up behind her. It was Kennedy. “Are you ok?”

Kennedy was a nice girl, in third year, who played defence. She was probably JJ’s closest friend on the team but outside of games, practise, and the occasional mandatory team social, JJ and she didn’t really talk.

“I’m fine,” JJ replied, stuffing her uniform into her locker. “Why do you ask?”

“You played a hard game,” Kennedy says, “I was impressed. You brought the heat.”

“So what’s the problem?” JJ says, hearing the terseness in her voice.

“Woah,” she says, stepping back and raising her hands in surrender, “Is something wrong? I’ve never seen you like this.”

“I’m fine,” JJ says, slamming her locker harder than she meant to.

She walked out of the locker room, feeling slightly embarrassed at her outburst. It had started to rain again, the cold, sharp droplets hitting her face and soaking her hoodie. Making a mental note to apologize to Kennedy later, JJ walked straight home to her dorm with tears stinging at her eyes.

As soon as her door closed, JJ jumped onto her bed, laying with her pillow on her head to block out the afternoon sun, as tears leaked out of the sides of her eyes. Letting go, JJ cried. She cried for the end of her relationship, for the fact that it was her fault for it ending, for the fact that she didn’t feel sad about the end of her relationship and because she didn’t know what to think about Emily.

---

That week, everywhere she turned, Emily Prentiss was there.

For a girl that she never seemed to run into at the beginning of the semester, Emily seemed to make up for that with this week.

First thing the next morning, JJ walked into the bathroom with bleary eyes. She hadn’t slept well and had trudged through her morning routine. As she put some toothpaste onto her toothbrush, the door swung open and Emily wandered in, with her own toiletries in hand, wearing only a robe. JJ found herself brushing her teeth harder, not making eye contact and focusing on her own reflection in the mirror. JJ stared herself down, not allowing her eyes to stray or herself to think about the naked Emily Prentiss behind the curtain. JJ didn’t want to see her. JJ was straight, and that would be silly. She did not want to think about that girls god damned nipple piercings, or the fact that they made her blush to think about.

On Tuesday night, JJ looked out of her window into the courtyard, only to see Emily Prentiss, smoking a cigarette near the streetlamp. JJ closed her curtains. She had to study for her midterms.

Coming home from class on Wednesday, Emily had her door propped open as she read a book, with some music playing off her record player. JJ pretended she was in a rush to get somewhere, grabbing a random book out of her room before leaving for the library. She realized after that she needed a different book for her essay, but it was too late after she had rushed down the hall to go back.

Leaving her Media Studies midterm on Thursday, she passed Emily in the hall on her way back from practise. Emily touched her arm as they crossed paths and asked her, in her sweet voice, if JJ needed any more help on her French homework. JJ hurriedly said that she didn’t, and that she would text her if she did. Pointing out that JJ didn’t have Emily’s number, she then insisted that JJ add her as a contact. She did not text Emily.

That weekend, JJ relished how an away game took her off campus, and away from her issues. All JJ had to focus on was soccer.

Except, news had finally gotten to her mother about Will. JJ spent most of the weekend fending off phone calls and from her concerned mother, who wanted to be there for her. JJ felt incredibly guilty avoiding her calls, because her mom had loved Will.

As soon as JJ was back in her room, she was forced to finally return her mom's call, as she had run out of excuses. It was a long coversation. After hanging up, JJ laid on her bed, exhausted by her mother's distress. It felt like her mom was going to miss Will more than she would. JJ had assured her that she was fine, that she would call again soon, and, yes, she would like a care package, because that would mean she’d get a box of snacks, including Cheetos, which she was desperately craving.

After a few minutes of laying on her bed, with her packed bags still on the floor next to her, and still wearing her school branded windbreaker, there was a knock on her door.

She ignored it. She was sick of people being worried about her. Sick of everyone asking her if she was ok.

The person knocked again, more insistently.

JJ rolled onto her side, looking at her wall. There was her ex-boyfriend, on the wall in her once treasured prom photo, looking at her. She tore the photo down.

Her eyes wandered up to her other photos taped to the wall: her and her sister at Christmas when she was eight. JJ was holding up her new shadow box containing a blue butterfly (morpho menelaus) and standing next to her was her sister Rosaline, grinning wide and hugging her tight.

She wanted to ask Ros what was going on with her. Why she felt so untethered. Why she felt relieved that her boyfriend broke up with her. Why she simultaneously wanted to run towards and away from Emily Prentiss.

But, she could not ask her any of these questions. She tugged at her sister’s necklace, which was around her neck, resting over her heart, as always. Hoping for some kind of direction.

There was another knock on her door.

JJ opened it, finding the meek face of Spencer Reid on the other side. He waved awkwardly, and did not seem to notice her disheveled state.

“Garcia said that we could eat without her,” he said, “She’s in a lab this evening and is ordering pizza.”

Dinner. The trio always ate together when JJ was in town.

“I’m starving,” JJ admitted, realizing that she hadn’t eaten since breakfast and her stomach flipped in protest.

JJ opened the door for him and turned back to the mirror. Reid sat down on the edge of Penelope’s bed. Of all the people on the other side of the door, he was probably the only one who wouldn't force her to talk about her feelings if she didn't want to.

“How was your game?” he asked politely.

JJ made a noncommittal noise.

“You know,” he continued without a pause, “Around two hundred countries or territories in the world play soccer, depending on what you consider a country, as the UN only recognizes two hundred and fifty one countries and territories while the US recognizes less than two hundred. You could play this game with more people than you could speak to in English.”

JJ ran a brush through her hair, hoping to make herself look presentable for the cafeteria. Spencer continued, barely coming up for air let alone wait for her response. Normally, JJ would fight to get a word in edgewise, but today, Spencer’s monologue was soothing her.

The rain had slowed to a slightly annoying drip, with dull clouds hanging low onto campus.

Together, they walked down the street to the cafeteria, which was in a dull concrete building near most of the residences. Spencer transitioned from discussing the impact of sports on global diplomacy, to talking about his day and chatting about how he has started hanging out with Derek Morgan more often.

JJ blinked at that, trying not to let her thoughts wander from Derek to Emily and her current turmoil.

Her minor reaction unheeded, Spencer discussed how Derek discovered that he could lift him, and had bench pressed him. Spencer, despite admitting that he was nervous around football players like Derek, given his rough time in high school, smiled as he told her this. She forced herself to be present, to engage with her friend, which was a welcome distraction.

Grabbing their trays, they both wandered around the buffet style cafeteria, peeking at the specials and deciding their preference. JJ steered past the vegetarian option, which was simply three pieces of tofu on some plain rice, and walked up to the burger bar. Comfort food was the plan. Reid, walking in her wake, joined her in her dinner choice. Soon, the two of them were eating burgers in companionable silence, both tackling mediocre, yet somewhat tasty meals. JJ sipped her water and felt Reid’s eyes on hers.

“You seem distracted,” he comments.

JJ looks down into her water.

“Penelope told me about Will,” he says, nervously, “I’m sorry?”

It comes out as a question.

“Look. I don’t really want to talk about it. I’m fine.”

I’m fine, she thought to herself, I’ve said that a lot today.

JJ softens, reminding herself that the boy only wants to help. She reaches her hand out and grabs his.

“Thank you for asking,” she smiles at him.

He perks up. She looked at him and while he was only three or so years younger, he looked so young. He was taller than her but still likely to keep growing, his gangly limbs awkward still in his adolescence. Still, he dressed like a professor, his outfits filled with cardigans and tweed.

They stood and made their way back to residence. JJ was starting to feel like herself again.

But, about thirty feet ahead of her was Emily Prentiss, fumbling with her keys as she tried to unlock the door to their building. It was really hard to push someone out of your mind when they lived across the hall.

Spencer noticed her hesitation.

“Do you maybe want to go for a walk?” he asked.

JJ nodded, relieved at the offer. They turned to the right, and walked down the steps that lead to the lower part of campus, towards the nice graduate residences and the park. JJ stuck her hands deep into her jacket pockets, the fresh air making her feel a bit better.

“Will broke up with me,” she says to Spencer, not looking at him as she spoke.

“I’m sorry,” he replied, following suit.

“I’m…. not,” she admitted.

She found that in the cool, fall air, the words flowed out and after she started, it didn’t seem to stop.

“I’m not and I should be. I should be crying about my breakup, eating chocolate and watching shitty romcoms with Penelope. I should be calling my mom and getting advice about my heartbreak. I should be getting drunk and trying to rebound. For some reason, I’m just… angry.”

She stood, raising her arms into the air.

“I feel embarrassed that he was the one who broke up with me when I didn’t even like him that much.”

She sighed. He looked at her with wide eyes, listening intently without any judgment, or reservations. He wasn’t pushing her to share, or judging her for her words.

“And I think I like someone else.”

JJ did not mean to say that. She looked back over at Spencer, who didn’t look particularly surprised.

“Emily?” he guessed.

JJ fell silent. She did. She liked Emily. She spent the week running from that, and it had been staring her in the face the whole time. She nodded.

“That’s great!” he replied with a smile. “I think you would be really good together.”

JJ was struck with this. She wasn’t expecting the homophobia she remembered from high school, but she was not expecting this.

“We would?” She found herself smiling as she said this.

“Yeah, I think she likes you too.”

[adashelbysgirlfriend]

You're Adas Roommate and She Falls in Love with You (Modern Au)

am i exclusively writing modern au headcannons because i don't trust my ability enough to turn it to a period piece and because my commitment issues make it near on impossible to write a full fic? you bet. Also, i eternally simp for Ada

Ada is at her wits end with living with her brothers

she's genuinely ready to murder them all

so she finds a nice one bedroom flat in London and packs her stuff

Tommy says its a big fat no sorry 

compromise a two bedroom and a roommate situation, as long as Ada can pick who

but obviously, Tommy finds a way to involve himself in this part of the decision making too

he just wants to make sure his sister isn't moving in with some weirdo or a gang banger

he also just loves being in control but whatever 

he actually shows you around the place 

you get the impression that he is the landlord and he doesn't exactly correct you 

he likes you though, he thinks you're a good fit and you don't seem to have any ties to people that want to kill him which is a rarity in this town

Ada is fuming when he tells her that her roommate has already moved in

the roommate who she was supposed to pick but hasn't even met yet

when you first meet her she seems so angry at you that you feel kinda guilty like you've done something wrong 

or just assume she's a big fat bitch 

it doesn't take her long to snap out of it though, when she figures out your not just one of her brothers little spies

i feel like ada is really into green/ herbal teas? she makes you tea all the time 

and at first its a bit hit or miss but she kinda hones her skill and honestly that shit is GOOD

she has an obsession reading up on it for a bit and she finds this recipe for this like super tea for mornings that builds your immune system and she starts making it for herself but then feels bad for not sharing with you so she leaves you a cup on the kitchen counter every morning for when you get up

she also bakes a lot, and she leaves you little goodies out with a post it note on them with your name on or a little cute note

after a while though when you grow closer she will literally just bring these baked goods into your room

like at the start she's SO careful with not entering your space

because all she's had her whole life is brothers coming in her room and annoying her 

no privacy in the shelby home

she doesn't want to make you feel like that

but after  a while you guys grow so comfortable with each other that you literally can just walk into each others rooms unannounced 

having dinners together 

you guys start by cooking together and like 

eating your separate meals around the table together

and then ada comes home one day utterly shattered from working at the library and you make her tea for her

in thanks she makes you your tea the next night and then it just kind of continues from there

even when one of you is away, its hard for the other to just make one portion so you'll often leave each other frozen meals with post it notes on

theres notes start as just names but then they kinda turn into a way of sharing little inside jokes

which is incredibly confusing for the boys when they come round

“Ada, why is there a cake labelled ‘Boris Johnson’ in your fridge?”

“thats y/n’s leave it alone!”

you get used to there being random men in the house

growing to enjoy the company of Adas brothers much much more than she herself does

Ada bringing you as her plus one to all Tommy political events and parties

Polly gets a strange vibe from the two of you

not that she doesn't like you, because she does

very much so actually

but she just can sense that theres something there thats a little deeper than friendship

she starts to see it in the way Ada is so hands on with you

Ada has always been cuddly, but exclusively with her closest circle of friends 

Polly picks up on all the little touches and hand strokes that not even you nor Ada notice to be abnormal 

instead of intervening she just watches, waiting for one of you to realise whats going on

Ada feels it first

you've lived together for a year and a bit and Ada comes to your room to drop off your morning tea like normal and your doors closed

thinking you've closed it by accident she barges in to find you in bed with a very naked male 

shes really angry so she goes to tell Polly about it

“but why are you angry dear?” 

Ada doesn't know, she just babbles on about it being so unlike you 

Polly just listens, not wanting to butt in until Ada had got it all out of her system

“i don't know Pol, i guess i don't know why I'm angry” 

“thats because you're not my love, you're jealous”

Polly is all knowing right 

she's just so wise

Ada had no CLUE how to act 

she doesn't even know how to accept herself, never mind how to approach it with you 

its not like anything really happened, there wasn't some earth shattering event that brought her the realisation 

it was incredibly slow-burner that was just simmering and simmering until finally one little event tipped it over the edge

and suddenly all the little things that only niggled at her before were not like bullets through the heart 

you'd come back from a night out and she’d be waiting up for like always and you'd go on the roof together for a tab like you always had but for some reason it would be different than before

she was much less animated when listening to your stories of conquests and hook ups 

“ are you alright babe?”

“yer just tired”

Ada knew she shouldn't let herself get so hung up on this silly little crush and that she was only hurting herself more but 

you were more than just some crush

and Ada had no clue how to deal with it

trying not to be obvious and being very obvious

 even Arthur notices his sister being weird

him asking Polly and her telling him its just girl things 

him understanding even less 

Tommy kinda figuring it out 

he doesn't really understand at first; why his sister is giving you all those little looks and laughing at everything you say

you're all at dinner together and he catches ada looking at you and it just all clicks 

he asks Pol about it but she says its none of his business 

which he finds kinda frustrating because he's Tommy fucking Shelby 

kinda an everyone but you knows kinda situation

Ada feels almost perverted for feeling things when she sees you walking round the flat in just a towel or you get changed in front of her

because you're so naive to her feelings

and she wants you so badly 

which just makes her feel like fucking the worst scum of the earth 

because you trust her like a friend and she feels like she's abusing that trust 

furiously listening to Girl in Red 

she tries to pull away from you, because it just hurts to much 

which in turn upsets you 

until you guys end up arguing and she can't keep it in anymore 

“ada i thought we were supposed to be best friends”

“i don't want to be your friend anymore”

imma leave you all gay hanging sorry

[writingismyhappytime]

Escaping Grace (Part 2)

Warnings: Language, Angst. This series will have a lot of anxiety/mental abuse mentions. 

"Are you sure this looks okay?" I ask hesitantly, standing in front of the floor length mirror in my room. Vale and I had spent all day yesterday trying to find something appropriate, but to my frustration I hadn't found a thing I'd liked.

Now I was staring intently at my reflection, dressed in my average clothes that don't really make me stand out at all --- which could be a good thing, I guess. No need in trying to be too obvious about wanting to impress them, right?

"Of course," Vale says from behind me as she slips her earrings in, glancing me over. "Those are your good ass jeans, you know that. You can make anything look good in those."

Well, that does make me feel a little better. Vale is the kind of person to tell you if you look terrible, so I take the statement pretty seriously I give myself another glance, but turn away after a moment, knowing I'm not going to be satisfied the more I look; I always overthink everything.

I glance at my best friend as she slips into some heels, which only make her look more imposing. Her black hair falls straight from her widows peak, and her makeup is simple today, just a flick of eyeliner to accentuate her eyes.

I'm always so jealous of her, I've told her that a hundred times. She has such a perfect figure, I always feel so short and stumpy in comparison. On my good days I feel like I look pretty badass, with my tattoos and piercings, depending on what I'm wearing to accentuate them --- but om days like these, I feel uncertain about everything. My hair, my clothes, how badly noticeable my breakouts are --- in my mind, surely that's the first thing our new business partners are going to notice.

Why is having clear skin such a struggle?

The temptation to fake sick and go crawl inside the bathtub is suddenly really strong. I can send Vale in as my ambassader and she'll have them eating out of the palm of her hand, no doubt. One wink from her, a soft smirk on her glossy lips --- she could seduce the gold from a leprechaun.

Maybe I won't have to fake sick after all, my stomach is doing flips and tying itself into knots. I rub my palms nervously against my dark jeans, fighting the ball of nerves in my throat as it threatens to choke me down. I can't do this, I can't meet them, I'll ruin everything. I should just keep myself as far away from them as I possibly can so that I don't ruin anything, and ---.

"Uh, where are you going?" Vale demands as I suddenly make a beeline for the bathroom. "You have to finish getting dressed, Leah! We're going to be late!"

"I suddnely don't feel very well," I reply as I step into the bathroom, curling my toes against the coldness of the tiles as I turn my back to the mirror above the sink. I gaze into the tub, my hands on my hips as I look at nothing inparticular. "Maybe this is a bad idea."

"The only bad idea is you thinking that it is one." She says from where she sits on the edge of my bed, fiddling with her heels. "Don't let your nerves get to you. You're so excited to meet them and I'm not going to let you miss this. Now," she levels a stare at me that I purposefully try to ignore. "Get dressed or you're going in those pikachu shorts and barefoot."

I glance down at my pajama bottoms.

"That would be a good impression, wouldn't it?" I sigh, running a hand through my messy hair. I let the bathroom door swing closed, and hastily get dressed before I can put anymore thought into it. The less I think, the better it'll be.

My fingers linger on the t shirt I thought about wearing, one of the designs from our merch line that hasn't been produced yet. Would it be too cheesy to wear my own band shirt? Probably. I just end up grabbing my favorite jeans, the one's with the holes in the knee's from where I'd fallen in the studio and put them there on accident. I sit down on the edge of the tub, grabbing my boots and slipping them on easily, pleased with the easy zipper so I don't have to lace them.

At least these are comfy clothes for me, something I'm familiar with. I wish I wasn't so anxious, that my palms didn't have sweat building on them, or that I feel like I'm going to be sick at any moment. It's a curse, and what the doctor prescribes helps, but I hate taking medicine all the time, too.

Vale suddenly starts thumping her hand impatiently against the door, and my eyes flick to the clock sitting on a shelf. She's right, if we don't get going we're going to be late. "Leah, are you ready yet? We gotta get going already!"

"I'm ready," I say, although I don't feel it at all. I cast one last look in the mirror, frowning. My blonde hair was pulled back so it doesn't fall in my face, revealing the red and blue streaks decorating the lower layer. My eyes are a bright green, and Vale did my eyeliner so the color really seems to pop more tonight. Some days I can agree with her that I'm pretty, but today I'm rolling in nerves and the thought is arguable.

"If we don't leave now we're going to be un-fashionably late!" Vale hisses from the other room, and I roll my eyes as I jerk open the bathroom door. She gives me an approving look before beckoning me forward, already heading for the front door of the apartment we share.

We have to grab a cab, but it doesn't take us long to get to the club. It's kind of exclusive, you have to be on a list to get in, but so long as Craig called and did his duty, we shouldn't have any problems. We could skip the line and head right inside.

God it would be mortifying if he forgot to call.

The first sign the night isn't going as planned is seeing Nate and Clarke waiting outside on the curb. I thought they'd be inside already, rubbing elbows and getting into trouble. I send Vale a nervous look she ignores, tossing the cabbie some bills as we both hastily get out of the car.

"Why aren't you guys already inside?" She demands the moment they're within eashot, and both men turn to look at us.

Clarke's brows are furrowed, his square jaw clenched. His brown hair is falling into his eyes, and I can tell he's frustrated. "We're not on the list."

"What?" Oh no, this is it, this is the end. Craig forgot, didn't he? Our big moment is already over, we can't even get inside the club. Fate has forsaken us, laughing in our face, it's all over, it's ---.

"Leah, stop looking all doom and gloom," Vale pats my shoulder, as if knowing exactly what the pained look on my face means I'm thinking. She's known me long enough to know I immediately go into a downward spiral of despair before any rationality hits.

"Craig must have forgot." Nate sounds annoyed, a cigarette hanging from his lips as he tries to light it. He keeps shifting his weight back and forth, and I'm not sure if it's due to the cold or his aggravation. "I already called him and he damn well forgot to get our reservation. What the hell are we supposed to do now, huh?"

This is so embarrassing.

I know my cheeks are burning, and I rub my arms uncomfortably. We're supposed to be getting famous and this is really a kick to the ego. I think "famous," pretty lightly, but at least well known enough to get into venues on our own.

"Well, don't panic," my roommate purses her lips thoughtfully. "We just have to find a way inside. The bouncer doesn't look like he would be too tough to crack, unless he's gay. Then one of you two is going to have to be bait while the rest of us sneak in."

Nate and Clarke do not look like they agree with her idea, both of their noses curling.

"I am not bait," Nate retorts, smoke drifting in a haze around him. "I would not lower myself to that level, thank you."

He sends all of us an annoyed look, just barely coming to Clarke's shoulder. Clarke always looms over the rest of us --- except tonight Vale is the same height as him and looks just as formidable. They look like people you wouldn't casually approach for directions, especially Clarke with his major RBF.

My eyes flick to the bouncer, and he looks familiar. His back is to us where he stands at the door beneath the light, barring entrance to our future. This man is keeping us from meeting the people that might propel our careers, and I almost didn't like him because of it. I have to remind myself that he's just doing his job, it isn't personal, he has no idea how important this is to us!

But maybe he should.

What if we just reasonably explained who we were, had Craig call their management to straighten this all out, and went from there? That was the most logical answer, and of course it would work; we don't have to seduce the bouncer, lure him and knock him out in an alley like Vale is trying to convince is our next course of action.

"Why don't we just tell him what's going on?" I suggest, giving them my idea. They have to concede it's the best course of action, and Clarke agrees with me even if Vale thinks I'm ruining all the fun. Our bassist turns away to call our manager, who's definitely in the dog house right now despite getting us this gig.

"Okay, why don't you go up to talk to him and tell him what's up?" Nate urges, and I give him a horrified look as I realize he's talking to me.

"What? Why me?" I cross my arms uncomfortably, but I'm starting to feel awkward standing out here with them like this. I feel like everyone has to know about our predicament, how embarrassing it is for us!

My cheeks are starting to get hot, and I rub my arms nervously.

"Because you're our frontperson, aren't you? They'll recognize you before they do the rest of us." he points out, but I absolutely do not like the idea! They know how I am about talking to people, I use an app to order all my takeout for goodness sake! I might be trying to get famous, but it's not because I want to really be that sociable.

"Probably not, no one will recognize me," I mumble, shaking my head quickly. "We're not that well known yet, yknow? Vale would have a better ---."

"Vale is currently cussing out Craig and is going to cause us a scene if we don't go in already," the drummer grumbles, both of us looking over where Clarke and Vale stand, her hissing into his cellphone where he holds it between them. I can only imagine Craig's apologetic tone.

Oh man.

I sigh, but one of us is going to have to go up there. I cast a glance at the long line of people streching down the row behind the red rope before disappearing around the block. If we waited in line like everyone else, we'd be hours getting inside!

I take a deep breath, exhaling against the anxiety. Well, I can do this. I can approach this man and ask very nicely that he let us in because our business associates are waiting to meet us and he is not going to be the reason we turn into one hit wonders to be forgotten about! Or, god forbid, our music is just played in commercials and we get associated with some type of biscuit for the rest of our career.

I cringe at the thought.

I take a deep breath before starting forward. I avert my gaze from the long line of people I'm brazenly walking past, hoping I'm not about to embarrass myself. I can see some of them cutting their eyes at me, there's no telling how long they've been waiting outside to get into this club. I can already hear the music, it's like the walls are thrumming, the concrete beneath my boots pounding with the beat.

It's muffled, but it makes me wonder how loud it is inside.

I make it to the front of the line, but the bouncers back is to me as he lets someone in the door.

"Excuse me," I start, trying to not sound as nervous as I feel. I'm supposed to be confident, I represent my band after all, so cool and sophisticated is supposed to be a given. If it wasn't for the fact I'm incredibly clumsy and socially awkward, my appearance at least would give off that vibe.

The bouncer turns to glance at me, and I blink as I recognize him.

"Liliya?" Alexei sounds surprised, but I'm probably the last person he ever expected to see tonight.

I smile at him, relaxing a little bit. "Hey, Alexei. It's been a while, huh?"

"A while? Years!" He reaches forward, grasping and squeezing my hand tightly. His Russian accent is still heavy on his words, but his English is good now. My family is originally from Russia, but came here before I was born; a lot of my older brothers still have the accent just like my mother and cousins on her side.  "You've grown so much, I almost didn't recognize you!"

Not being recognized as the sad sop from before is probably the best compliment he could have given me. I hate the thought of how I was before I was able to escape my family, my life in that small town --- he probably remembers the girl who wouldn't make eye contact and would barely speak a word. It took me a long time to get out of that, and I'm happier with how I am now.

I'm not so afraid anymore.

"I thought you were going back home," I say after a moment, glancing him up and down. Still thick brown hair, broad shoulders and tall. He's shaved his beard, and he looks rather formiddable in his black t shirt and jeans; standard bouncer, he fits the part.

"I extended my visa to stay longer. I am here on weekends for extra money. How are you doing, Liliya? How is your music?" He questions, completely ignoring the complaining crowd that's wanting to go inside.

My eyes flick to where my band is gathered a ways down, staring intently and waiting for some kind of signal. Should I start waving my arms frantically or something, is that the cue that it's safe to come in?

"It's going pretty well so far. My band is just down there," I gesture at them pointedly. "We're actually supposed to be meeting a fellow band inside, Black Veil Brides?"

I hate that I end on a question, like I'm not really sure if I'm supposed to go in or not. Alexei either doesn't notice or ignores it, he just nods his head. It's kind of nice to see him, a cousin that I actually liked; he was always nice to me, always laughing or having a good time despite my mothers stern and serious demeanor. He didn't let her damper his happiness.

"Oh, yes, I let them in twenty minutes ago. They mentioned something about meeting someone. Come," Alexei tugs on the red velvet rope, waving his beefy hand at my band, who hastily scurries forward; I can see the relief on all of their faces.

Maybe one embarrassing moment can be missed for us?

"Thank you, Alexei," I say as they hastily file past me through the black scratched door, Vale sending me a curious look. "I'm glad I ran into you, too!"

"You must keep in touch more. Here," He reaches into his shirt pocket, pulling out a business card. I glance at it before slipping it into my backpocket, seeing how nice and sleek it looks. "If you need me, you reach me. I'm here for a few more months before I must extend visa again."

"I'll keep that in mind. Thank you," I say, giving him another smile before I step through the black door and into the darkness of the club.

This is the first time family has ever done anything for me.

~~~~~~

"How the hell did you manage to get us in, Leah?" Nate asks as he falls into step beside me, casually slipping his arm over my shoulder. I let him pull me to his side, my hand pressing lightly against his lower back; he really didn't need to wear that much cologne. "That was badass! I thought for sure we were gonna get stuck outside."

"Oh, I knew the bouncer, he's my cousin." I explain after a moment, my cheeks heating. We're going through a dark hallway, but I can just dimly see the door at the end, lights strobing underneath, and already the music is so loud I'm having to almost shout. I figure once we get inside we won't be able to hear anything at all.

Vale kicks open the door rather roughly, and I cringe as the music hits us full force. It's obnoxiously loud and my ears immediately ache from the bass. I can feel it through the floor, and the heat of the room! It's intense.

I can see where we have to go down a flight of stairs to get to a platform that leads to the bar, and a few more steps until you reached the club floor. The place is packed with people, dancing, drinking, having a good time. I wish I could relax like them, throw my hands carelessly in the air and just jump to the beat of the music.

Vale states I'm high strung all the time, kicking myself in the shin by looking for the next disaster instead of enjoying the current peace. She's not wrong, but I don't know how else to be. I annoy myself sometimes, and I wish I could change, but it would be a hard habit to drop.

"There's the guys," Vale shouts after a moment, and I follow her pointing finger across the room. I don't know how she knows it's them, everyone looks the same to me. Maybe it's the goggle of groupies crowding around the VIP area in their tiny dresses and glowing neon jewelry; how were we supposed to get past that? We're probably not even going to be able to get into the VIP area!

"Let's go, they probably think we're ditching them with how late we are," Clarke says, and I cringe. Thirty minutes past our meeting time, I hate that. I'm so weird about being punctual.

I latch tightly onto Vale, not wanting to get separated. I have a harder time keeping up with her longer strides, I almost feel childish clinging to her as we descend the metal steps. She squeezes my hand comfortingly, Nate and Clarke falling into step behind me.

I'm not quite sure how we all manage to stay together through the crowd, I'm pretty sure Clarke has a tight grip on Nate's collar to keep him from straying; no doubt he's already spying potential conquests for the night, and I roll my eyes at the thought. I'm starting to think that's all that goes through his head, he never takes anything seriously, at all! It drives me absolutely nuts, it's like he doesn't care!

Vale suddenly stalls in front of me, and I thoughtlessly step up beside her, seeing we've reached the impenetrable throng of groupies. There's a few guys mixed in, all talking excitedly out of reach of the red rope separating them from the VIP section. I wish I could lean around them, just wave and they part like the red sea so I could get where I needed to be.

How annoying.

"Excuse me," Vale says impatiently, boldly stepping forward. One of the girls glances at her, but hastily steps out of her way when she sees Vale isn't playing around. I know Clarke is looming behind me, and we all follow Vale forward, making sure to avoid all eye contact. I'm shorter than both of them, so I try to hunker between them so no one really notices me.

It's usually not too hard, but they're eyeballing us, and for some reason I have the feeling we've been recognized. If they're saying something I can't hear it over the obnoxious music, and I'm more than relieved when the bodyguard lording over the velvet rope opens it so we can step into the most peaceful section of any nightclub I've ever been in.

I let my breath go in relief as we head for where the other band is sitting. They've noticed us, and all of them are straightening, glasses already scattered on the polished black table where they sit.

My eyes flick to Andy instantly, and it's like all my nerves settle in my stomach, twisting it into this tight, awful knot that wants to rise into my throat. I rub my palms nervously against my jeans, hoping they don't want to shake hands.

Black Veil Brides is known for their black hair and bodypaint, the story they tell with their music. Andy, the lead singer, his voice is deep, and I swear when I first heard his music it sent a shiver down my spine. I loved their look, the tattoos, the paint and piercings --- I'm not one much for all the extra paint myself, my skin is too sensitive, but it works for them well enough.

Is it bad I know exactly who each of them are before they introduce themselves?

"You're Escape from Grace, right?" It's CC who greets us as we finally reach the table, rising to his feet. They're all dressed so... normal, kind of like us, and that makes me feel a little better. None of us really look like we're ready to party in a nightclub, except for maybe Nate with his untucked button up shirt and his attention still focused on the party raging a few feet from him.

I glance at Vale as she reaches to shake CC's hand, her lips lifting into a smile. Her hand lingers in his just a few moments longer than necessary before she pulls away, her eyes flicking him over from his tight black jeans to his headband keeping his hair at bay.

"Yeah. I'm Vale, that's Nate, Clarke, and Leah." She introduces us, gesturing with her hand. Andy hasn't really paid us any attention yet, he's draining a beer and leaning back in his chair; from the looks of it, they're all a few drinks in already. I used to watch his music videos and interviews all the time, sigh dramatically when he spoke; I just liked listening to his voice sometimes, I found it soothing. Now... well, considering I'm meeting him, I find it kind of embarrassing.

His black hair used to be really long, but now he'd cut it shorter where it barely fell into his blue eyes, the trademark eyeliner slightly smeared around them making the color stand out a little more. He's cleanshaven, just like the rest of them, and they all have dark hair --- probably dyed, no doubt.

"It's nice to meet you guys. Come on, sit down," Ashley, their bassist, says, gesturing at the empty chairs before us. Vale somehow finds her spot between Nate and Clarke, putting me beside Ashley, who gives me a grin I force myself to return. I squirm nervously in the cushioned chair, clenching my hands in my lap. I'm so not good with meeting new people, I wish I hadn't come. It's like the idea of it sounds good, but when it's actually happening all I want to do is leave.

"I'm glad you guys finally made it. We were starting to think you stood us up," Ashley calls after a moment, and Vale looks apologetic.

"Sorry about that! We got held up at the bouncer --- Leah had a family reunion," she adds hastily, and I'm kind of glad she does. How about we don't let them know we weren't on the list and couldn't even get in, okay? Kind of kills our vibe.

"Family reunion?" Jinxx questions, his hands clasped in front of him. He's their --- well, he does a little of everything. He's the guitarist, violinist, cellist, plays piano --- the man is a plythora of talents that he utilizes almost every show. It's very impressive, actually.

Nate nudges me, and I hesitate; do they really need the details? I mean, is that important? Everyone doesn't have to look at me so expectantly!

"My --- my cousin is the bouncer." I force myself to say after a moment, digging my nails into my palms as I shrug my shoulders. "I haven't seen him in a while, so we had to catch up. Sorry about being late," I say sincerely, glancing around the table. "That's not typical of us."

I want to assure them of that, so they don't think too lowly of us. Ashley is to my right, than Jinxx, and beside him is Jake, their lead guitarist. Andy is beside him, than CC on the edge beside Clarke, who sits stonefaced as always. He could really try to go for a more friendly face.

"How about some more drinks?" Vale suddenly suggests before anyone has a chance to respond, her voice bright. She raises her hand expectantly, and after a moment a frazzled woman manages to make it to our crowded table; really,so many of us shoved together, I feel like I'm melting. It's extremely hot in here!

"Order?" the woman asks, her hair done up in curls and makeup thick around her eyes. She's pretty, French apparently, and I'm not sure how she expects to hear any of us over this cacaponous music; I can't imagine having to work in a place like this.

Everyone rattles off their orders, and her pen moves furiously across her notepad before pausing. She frowns, her eyes raising to glance around the table before she asks us to repeat that one more time.  We try one more time, but I can see it on her face; she has no idea.

"Two scotches, another beer, and a martini for her," I say as I halfway turn in my chair, gesturing at Vale. "Just a coke for me, thank you. And don't worry, it's really loud in here, so I don't know how anyone can hear a thing." I add, not wanting her to feel bad. She blinks after me before giving me a smile; she looks relieved.

"Thank you. I'll be right back with your orders." She says before turning, disappearing through the throng of people.

"What magic language did you two just speak?" Ashley asks as I shift, realizing everyone is looking at me. Some of them look surprised, some impressed, and I can feel the heat rising in my face.

"French..?"

"How did you learn French? That was so smooth." He compliments, crossing his arms on the table as he looks at me. I avert my gaze, shrugging my shoulders.

"I was an army brat, I've lived all over the world." I explain when it's obvious no one else is going to say anything. "I can speak a little of this and that."

"You're fluent enough to order alcohol, that's good enough for me." he chuckles, his light voice lilting. He's probably the shortest of the group, with high cheekbones and studs decorating his ears. I think he has his own clothing line now, so he's very successful; him and Nate will get along great when it comes to chasing down the women I'm sure. That's the impression I've always gotten of him, anyway.

I've fangirled enough over this band I feel like I know way too much information.

I glance behind me as the noise increases, seeing that the club is starting to get pretty crowded now. Probably due to the photos of the two bands sitting together I know those groupies have been taking and blasting all over social media. I squirm a little in my chair, listening to everyone attempt to talk and hear each other.

I don't think I'll ever be able to hear again after we leave this place.

"So," Andy speaks for the first time tonight, leaning forward a little as he glances at my band. "What are you guys going to open with at our show?"

Oh, right down to business, okay.

"The Last Song is Ours," Vale answers him easily, steepling her fingers in front of her on the table, lights glinting off her black nail polish. Honestly, she would make a great frontwoman for our band, I wish she was the one with the vocal talents and I could just play guitar. Alas, Vale sounds like a screeching duck with something stuck in its throat when she tries to sing, which is also why she avoids even doing back up vocals.

We all have our strong suits, and that's just not hers.

"It should get the crowd pumped, get them ready for you guys to come on stage." She adds when he doesn't comment. "Have you heard it?"

"I've listened to it, your manager sent us your opening list. It's a good song," Ashley states before Andy can reply. "You can reach some serious heights with that voice, Leah. It's impressive."

"Oh, thanks." I nervously brush a strand of blue hair behind my ear. "It's one of our most popular right now, so it's... uh, it's good."

Oh jeez.

It's good? That's all that I can manage?

I'm so relieved when the waitress is suddenly back with our drinks, sliding them around the table. She gives me a bright smile that I return as I take my drink, deciding to leave a nice tip for her.

"All the drinks are right," Jinxx somehow manages to sound surprised as he glances around.

"Why wouldn't they be?" I blink. I know what they said, I ordered them right.

"Y'know, it's a little loud in here if you guys are wanting to talk business," Vale says loudly as a rumble of bass manges to shake the icecubes in my coke. "Why don't we blow this place? It's a little crowded anyway."

Oh yes please. The heat in this room is murder!

"I know a food place a few blocks out, I'm starving anyway. We should be able to hear each other there anyway," Ashley suggests immediatley, already rising to his feet. I blink as he offers his hand to me, and reluctantly I let him help me to my feet; why does he keep paying me so much attention? Vale has been the one leading all the conversations.

"Sounds good to me. Let's get out of here," Clarke says in agreement, his arm coming to rest around my shoulder almost protectively. I glance up at him, but his square jaw is set, and I think he's actually annoyed --- it's hard to tell, since he always looks that way. "Food sounds nice."

Ashley raises his perfectly done brows, raising his hands as if acknowledging --- wait a minute.

Was he trying to flirt with me and I didn't know it? He's barely said a few sentences to me, Clarke doesn't have to baby sister me all of a sudden!

Although, I don't really mind. He's looking out for me, and at least that'll get Ashley to lose all interest, too. I'm not interested in any sort of romantic relationship, probably ever. I'm quite fine with our music being our focus, the driving force in my life right now.

Although --- no, no brain, none of that. No excuses. You can ogle but not touch, I tell myself as Andy brushes past me.

To be honest, I'm kind of disappointed meeting them. Everyone seems friendly but him, and he was who I was so excited to meet in person. Maybe when we're out of the club, it'll be different. Sometimes it's just the environment.

Vale would tell me not to make excuses for him, and I know she's irritated as she stogs after the other band. It takes us a good bit to make it across the club and up the stairs, mostly because the bodyguards have to clear the groupies out of the way. I'm kind of surprised when they even look excitedly at us, that we're --- well, someone recognized our band!

It's nice, and a pretty damn good feeling to not feel so insignificant, too!

It makes me stand a little straighter, walk with a little more pride.

Even if Andy isn't into us opening for us, at least I know our music is good. We've worked so hard to claw our way this far, and just that one girl gasping at us, squealing when she realized who we were --- that's enough for me to know we're worthy of this.

This is our opportunity, and we're going to do so damn well that Black Veil Brides will be opening for us one day, I'm sure of it!

I also know that when they do, I won't have such a pissy attitude meeting them, either.

[crimsonbluemoon]

8, 6, 32 w minicat pleeeease! :D

Okay, last of the drabbles and this one is a doozy. >.> Like 10 pages long, ugh. But Grace deserves it cause she’s been my rock during these drabblez and really helped me commit to getting them done. Thank you so much for your support! Please enjoy this as my thanks. 

AU: College 

Trope: Fake dating

Prompt: “Shut up for a second, will you?”

Pairing: Minicat

Tyler wasn’t stupid; he knew he was one of the last choices people thought of when needing help with something on campus. In his defense, he was busy; his parents’ low income meant he had to have a full time job while also maintaining a high GPA for his scholarships for his overly priced college. His classes were tough, never wasting time on filler courses when he was paying thousands of dollars to attend. It meant hours of homework after long shifts, sometimes all nighters. He didn’t have the time of day to breathe, nevermind think about others. Brock, probably being too understanding of a roommate (Tyler didn’t give a shit what anyone thought of him, but Brock’s sad eyes always hit him far too hard to ignore), never pushed him to engage in extra socializing or unnecessary events. Brock’s dumbass boyfriend tried (seriously, how did Brian manage to swindle Brock into falling in love with him? Gross.) to provide Tyler with ‘the college life’, which was harder than getting water from a rock. 

But even Tyler wasn’t a big enough dick to miss Brock’s birthday party. 

At least the venue was nice; Tyler swirled the water in the fancy glass while he leaned on the country club’s bar, watching the large group of strangers mingle. Brian came from money that far exceeded Brock and Tyler’s wildest dreams. Brock almost never allowed Brian to spoil him, which had been a different experience for Brian. It still bothered Tyler how lost Brian first looked when they both turned down his money for ‘hanging out with him’. Tyler had seen his flustered roommate refuse to let the rich brat pay for a two dollar water bottle once. So when Brock had finally, finally caved enough to let Brian pay for his birthday party, Brian didn’t hesitate to go over the top. Every person who Brock had ever met seemed to be at the event, filling the room with hundreds of people. 

Tyler hadn’t bothered following his roommate when Brian pulled him somewhere twenty minutes ago. Honestly, knowing those two, he didn’t want to see what they were up to. Brock had morals, but Brian was a charmer. He used it for teachers, police, and anyone who had eyes and the smallest of hints of attraction toward men. Seriously, Tyler had seen Brian give far too many straight guys a gay panic for it not to be seen as a freaky mutant power. Brock was helplessly in love with Brian (seriously, why?), which meant he was even more likely to fall for any of Brian’s sneaky schemes. 

Especially when it resulted in sex. 

“Ugh.” Scrunching his nose at the thought, Tyler took another swig of his drink before scanning the crowd again. So far, the event had been pretty tame, which was saying something for Brian. His parties were always over the top for all the wrong reasons. If the police weren’t called, it was seen as a failure, according to Panda. But Brock had asked Brian to make the party alcohol free, and like the sucker for pretty brown eyes he was, Brian had agreed. 

Tyler glanced down at his phone again, wondering when Evan and Panda were going to show up. They were the only friends he bothered with when Brock hung a sock on their apartment door. Evan had texted saying they’d got stuck in a late lab and had told them he’d be coming late. So Tyler, lacking the only three (and a half; Brian was okay when he cooked breakfast) people he actually liked at the party, was alone. But what the fuck else was new? It was better that way. He knew that too many people would just distract him from was important. His grades, his future, and his goals in life. So what if he spent more Fridays alone than with people? That his phone could go three days without a text? That he hadn’t gotten laid in over a year? And so what if some nights, his stupid heart wondered what it’d be like to have a disgusting relationship like Brian and Brock, to be pointlessly cared for and overly adored-

“Really, you should go.” The voice that cut into Tyler’s self-loathing made him frown, refocusing his eyes to pinpoint where it’d come from. Two seats down from the bar he’d inhabited alone (because who would wanna hang out at a bar with no alcohol?), a guy that Tyler recognized looked stiff when staring at another leaning completely into his space. It took a second for Tyler to realize who it was; Craig was a high school friend of Brian’s, and had become one of Brock’s good friends when Brian and Brock started dating two years ago. Craig also went to their college, making a name for himself despite the thousands of students. He was always busy, invested in way too many clubs and groups between his classes. They were so different, that Tyler saw no reason to befriend him. 

Except Craig had tried to get to know Tyler. Despite being busy and having far too many social groups for Tyler’s liking, Craig had actually always made an effort to create small talk whenever they bumped into each other. They weren’t friends, really; maybe acquaintances if Tyler was being generous. Since Craig was Brian’s best friend, he was around more often than Tyler was comfortable with. 

Because Craig was good looking, flirted worse than Brian, and was just a damn distraction. He was someone that could yank Tyler’s attention from important homework or project’s due dates to argue about how ‘culturally important’ The Office was. Sometimes he got Tyler to explain what he was working on, which devolved into little conversations about their lives that had nothing to do with the original topic. Craig learned about Tyler’s complicated relationship with money, while Tyler heard stories about Craig’s struggles with depression. He knew about Craig’s promiscuous years when he was a teenager, which led into the conversation of how both discovered their bi-sexuality. One time, Craig’s eyes shined with excitement while he told Tyler all about his dream of becoming a marine biologist.

Tyler had barely finished his term paper that night.

In a little over two years, Craig snuck his way under Tyler’s skin like a weed. Each time Tyler swore he wouldn’t let Craig get his attention (because he had to stay focused), the busy body made it a point to prove him wrong. Brian had mentioned Craig to Tyler a few times when trying to get him to come out with their group, like he was some bargaining chip. Like Brian knew something that Tyler didn’t. 

It annoyed Tyler how often he ended up at those events.  

Normally the first to wear a grin far too big for his face, there was no sign of a smile now. Craig’s body language was telling Tyler all he needed to know about the predicament; these two were not friends. “Does Brian even know you’re here? Because I doubt Brock invited you.” 

“I’m a plus one of a friend. The new boy toy seemed to forget my invitation in the mail.” There was a cockiness in the stranger’s voice that instantly pissed Tyler off, his eyes narrowing as the conversation continued.

“Yeah, maybe because you’re Brian’s shitty ex-boyfriend, and he’d rather eat shards of glass than see your face again. And Brock’s not a boy toy; they’re actually in love. I know, new concept for you.” Craig’s snark was coated in a sweet tone that seemed to rub the ex the wrong way, though Tyler got a small chuckle out of it. Craig was always presented as cheerful and energetic, but one on one talks proved there was more sarcasm than sweetness. He was Brian’s friend after all.

“You think Brian’s going to actually manage to keep an innocent guy like that? We both know he’s far too self-destructive for that kind of happily ever after. Why do you think he always comes back to me each time?” Okay, Tyler could conceed he wasn’t always the nicest to Brian, but he also knew the guy wasn’t trash. Brian was good for Brock, as annoying as that was. And this punk was really starting to push Tyler’s buttons. 

“Brian’s happy, actually happy. Brock wants him, not his wallet, and you’re not ruining that. So you need to leave, now.” Craig’s firm words didn’t have the effect that he wanted, and Tyler felt his teeth clench when the other man stepped into Craig’s personal space, posturing. 

“Don’t think you can really make me. Last time didn’t go so well for you, did it?” This guy had muscle, and was obviously taller than the man sitting on the bar stool. Craig’s lips looked tense when they pressed together tightly, but Tyler could pick up on the slight flinch of his shoulders. This guy didn’t just bother Craig; he scared him. He was trying not to show it, but Tyler was sure it was a well known fact by how cruel the smirk on the other man’s face was. “How’s your arm, by the way? Fractures can be a pain in the ass, so I’ve heard. Still got that pop in your shoulder?”

“It’s fine.” The tone was quieter than before, and Craig pressed closer to the stool’s back, Still, his eyes shone brightly with defiance, unwilling to lower. And after a moment of tense silence, Craig surprised Tyler when his lip rose in a half-cocked grin. “How’s your dad? Divorces can be a pain in the ass, so I’ve heard. He still got that freckle on the tip of his-”

“You fucking slut.” Tyler was out of his seat before the guy could raise his fist, catching the punch inches from Craig’s face. Craig let out a surprised squeak, but Tyler didn’t look back when he used the contact to shove the man back, stepping between him and Craig.

“Don’t even think about it.” He didn’t need to posture or present himself as intimidating; his broach shoulders and tall genetics already did the work for him. While this guy had looked impressive in front of Craig, he wasn’t nearly as intimidating when compared to Tyler’s glare and tense shoulders. 

“Who the fuck are you? His boyfriend?” The words were snapped off like an insult, as if the guy thought dating Craig was the worst punishment someone could have. From the corner of his eyes, he picked up on the wince behind Craig’s glasses, knowing he’d heard the same disgust Tyler had. Craig’s sexual history wasn’t hidden knowledge, though how much he’d changed since high school seemed less known. Sighing, Craig pushed out of his seat, shoulders dropped in shame. Like maybe he agreed with the scumbag.

“He’s-” 

“Yeah, I am.” In a move that was far more suited for Brian, Tyler reached out, snagging Craig’s hip and yanking him closer. It was impulsive and fucking stupid, but Tyler’s heart lost track of it’s beat when feeling Craig’s warm body meld against his. It felt like a perfect match, with Craig’s head bumping against his collar bone before settling into the crook of Tyler’s neck. He let his arm drop around the waist, keeping Craig plastered to him to support the act he still wasn’t sure he wanted to perform. “Is that a fucking problem, asshole?” 

“Tyler…” Craig’s lost tone didn’t sound right for the man who two nights ago gushed about the astrology compatibility on Tyler’s couch. He tried not to focus on how annoyed that made him, burning his glare into the man who now snorted.

“Oh, wow. You really want to claim this trainwreck? The kid’s had more people in him than the New York subway station.” The insult was tossed out without hesitation, like it was used far too often in correlation to Craig. The body against his tensed for a second before going limp, the words sucking whatever fight was left in Craig’s body out. And Tyler didn’t know anything about this situation, shouldn’t have cared about Craig’s happiness or the weird past these two had. This was Brian’s drama, Brock’s fight, Craig’s problem. It didn’t mean shit to Tyler, had no correlation to his future. Because it wasn’t his job to help people. 

But that excuse wasn’t good enough this time.

“You talk about my boyfriend like that again, and I’ll knock your fucking teeth out.” He added no growl or movement to his threat, making sure his words were clear and deadly in their presentation. His hand squeezed the hip under his palm, letting the line between pretend and reality blur for a moment. “He’s mine. I don’t care what people think of us; I don’t give a fuck what he did before me. And I ain’t worry about anyone else coming after me, cause I’ll make sure he doesn’t need to find someone else. If those idiots couldn’t keep him satisfied, that was their loss. I don’t have a problem in that department. My only problem at the moment is you.”

“I never fucked-” But Tyler didn’t want to hear what this asshole had to say.

“Out of respect for my roommate, I’m not beating the shit out of you for hurting Craig before. But I’m really losing my patience. If you ever come near Craig again, I’ll make sure they don’t find your body. And since my boyfriend likes that dumbass Brian, he tends to hang out with him alot. Enough that you might bump into Craig if you bug him. That would be a bad day for you. You understand, or do you need specific details?” 

Tyler didn’t interact with people often, but he sure as hell knew how to threaten someone.

“You-whatever. Brian’s not worth this shit. Enjoy your five minutes with Craig while it lasts.” Tyler could hear the fear in the guy’s voice when he turned tail, but he didn’t let his eyes move away from the glare he’d pinned on him since the threat. 

“Your dad’s dick is small!” Craig’s shout at the guy retreating made Tyler roll his eyes, sending a look that made Craig smile sheepishly. “Well, it is.” 

“I don’t need to know that,” he answered, feeling the chest against his ribs vibrate with Craig’s laugh.

“Aw, come on. You know what you were getting when you made me your boyfriend.” Craig’s smile was a nice change of pace, and Tyler’s arms pulled him closer without thought. A moment of surprise passed through both of them, Tyler unsure why he hadn’t dropped his hold on Craig’s waist. He knew the guy was long gone, and their act didn’t need to continue. Yet his brain and body didn’t seem to be on the same page. Craig looked pleased at the lack of distance, curling a hand on the back of Tyler’s neck. But the hesitant bite of his lower lip proved that the bravado wasn’t fully felt. “Rumors are gonna start, you know. If you’re looking to get yourself out of this alive, we shouldn’t be so close.”

“I already said I don’t care what people think of us.” 

“But that was when-”

“Shut up for a second, will ya?” Tyler sighed at the headache that was forming behind his eyes. This was why he didn’t deal with people. “If it’s going to bug you or whatever, then we can make sure Brian spreads it was a joke. But I don’t have a social life, and I really could give two fucks what anyone but my teachers think about me. And if having people think I’m your boyfriend keeps assholes like that from harassing you, then use it.”

“You don’t mind? You really don’t mind being labelled as my boyfriend?” There was a spark of excitement in Craig’s tone when his eyes looked up at Tyler with an awe that made him squirm in discomfort. He felt his face flush at the attention, his stomach twisting in a way he couldn’t explain. 

“How many times do I have to say that I don’t care-” 

And then Craig was kissing him. The suddenness of the lips on his made Tyler’s mouth part in surprise. Craig took the opportunity to deepen the kiss and hum in pleasure. The softness of the tongue against his was mind-numbing, Tyler unsure how to counter the skill that Craig used. But after a second, he decided he needed to try. The fingers trailing lightly along the back of his neck during their leisure kiss had goosebumps rising on his skin, Tyler’s hands yanking Craig closer to feel the smaller body flush against his. The slight wiggle of Craig’s waist against his own proved the movement was appreciated, and Tyler only broke the kiss when soft lips sucked his tongue in a way far too familiar to an act he didn’t want to think about in public. 

“That was nice.” Craig’s grin was pressed to Tyler’s slack lips, his breath even as he dropped a small peck between his next sentence. “We should definitely do that more to sell this whole boyfriend thing. Maybe in a bed and with less clothes on. A snapchat or two, you know, commit to our roles and such.”

“Jesus Christ.” He wanted it to sound exacerbated, not breathless, but it was obvious he missed his mark when Craig tossed his head back and laughed. Tyler stared down at the bright smile of his… something, arms tightening to keep Craig close. Unsure how he had gotten there, he only knew one thing for certain.

He was never helping someone out again.

[etherealwaifgoddess]

Adapting

Summary: Bucky tries adapting to the 21st century but finds the challenge too much for him. He loves Steve, but he can’t imagine ever fitting in to the modern world and it leads him to a drastic solution.

Content Warning: A very sad Bucky. Very brief mention of period-typical homophobia. Overall this one is a little angsty but it has a happy ending, promise. 

Word Count: 2.3k

Author’s Note: Hello lovelies, it’s been a while! I’ve been trying to get back into the groove of writing over the past few weeks and that posed more challenging than I’d expected. I managed to get this little fic where I wanted it though and figured I’d share it while I try to wrap up all the other stuff I’m working on. Hope you all enjoy :)  XOXO - Ash

Adapting

After a few months of living in the twenty-first century Bucky found he both loved and hated it in turns. When he’d been cleared as completely deprogrammed and sent home to the states he thought he couldn’t have been luckier. He was finally a free man, from both the government and the decades of brainwashing. Bucky was looking forward to living with Steve again in Brooklyn, the two of them on their own and free to do whatever it was super soldiers do in retirement when they’re not even thirty yet. The world was his oyster, he thought to himself as they signed the lease on a cute little condo right in the heart of their old neighborhood. 

The glamour of the twenty-first century faded quickly as Bucky tried to adjust to everyday life. Steve, who had been doing well on his own for four years, was eager to help Bucky acclimate to the new century. Unfortunately, Steve took to that as he did with all things; barreling in head first all at once. Bucky needed time to adapt, he couldn’t just throw himself at something and become good at it like Steve could. As much as he loved Steve, and god did he ever love that man, it was hard keeping up a brave face. Even harder, was that the love he’d felt for Steve back in the 30s hadn’t diminished one bit. 

When they were young being gay was a death sentence. Something so secretive that even back alley whispers could ruin a man’s life. Bucky had known he was gay since he knew what it was to want someone in that way. And like most things in Bucky’s life, it all came down to Steve freaking Rogers. The fine boned little blonde who never knew when to quit, his giant spirit housed in such a delicate frame. Bucky never acted on his feelings, never dared to, but some days he wished he’d had. It had been enough though, the time they’d had together in their tiny apartment over the Miller’s garage. He knew it wasn’t a crime to be gay anymore. He’d caught on to that pretty quickly, thank you HBO, but he still couldn’t bring himself to share that truth with Steve. Maybe someday. Bucky needed time to process and evaluate before proceeding, just like everything else in his life. 

One of the first things Bucky really minded was the food. Steve had warned him that everything tasted a little different nowadays but claimed he’d get used to it. Steve loved all the different types of takeout you could get in the city, willing to try anything and everything. Bucky found he couldn’t get past how fake everything tasted, like he could sense the lingering chemicals. Steve continued to insist they’d find something Bucky liked, even trying to ply him with bags of candy and boxes of mass produced cookies, trying to cater to his sweet tooth. Bucky gave up finally after a week where he’d spent ninety percent of the time hangry. He headed down to the farmers market and loaded up on all organic produce and heritage bred meats. He found an artisanal bakery that used simple organic ingredients too. Bucky took to making his own food from his farmers market shopping trips and was finally able to enjoy a meal. Steve, bless him, continued to try and find things Bucky would like but it never seemed to work out. Bucky felt guilty every time he’d have to pass something back to Steve with a “no thanks, pal” and the light of hope in Steve’s eyes dimmed. 

Steve was quite attached to his iPhone and thought for sure Bucky would love one too. He came home one afternoon with a sleek, shiny, little phone for Bucky, handing it to him like it was something priceless. “It does everything, Buck. You’re gonna love it.” he insisted. Bucky did not love it. The tiny black device only served to piss Bucky off more than anything. He could never quite get the hang of navigating it and his fingers always felt too big when he was trying to type. He’d loved technology when he was younger but the phone was just a bridge too far, and one he was not ready to learn how to cross. “I’m a hundred goddamned years old, Steve. No, I don’t wanna learn how to tweet. I’ll leave that to the fucking birds.” he grumbled, throwing the phone down on the coffee table after yet another one of Steve’s well intentioned attempts at teaching Bucky how to use some annoying app. Steve let up after that, leaving Bucky to poke around on the phone only when he was willing. Bucky knew Steve was upset that his gift wasn’t well received, but he was too frustrated with himself and the whole situation to apologize. 

Socializing was even becoming unenjoyable for Bucky. He used to go out every weekend to the dance halls and, when they were flush, the bars or clubs. Bucky was always the life of the party with a dame or two hanging off his arm, while Steve had shied away, content in the shadows. The times had certainly changed. Steve was now the one urging Bucky to hang out with the team and go out to the movies, but Bucky couldn’t have had less interest. He didn’t want to hold Steve back, and he felt horribly guilty when Steve would give him that damned sympathetic smile and say “It’s okay, Buck. We can just stay in.” when he very clearly wanted to go out. Bucky just couldn’t seem to fit in. He didn’t get the jokes or share the same interests with anyone and it was exhausting trying to make it seem like he did. So he preferred to stay at home in their condo, reading books or watching documentaries on their ridiculously large TV. He did occasionally enjoy when Natasha would drop in. It was seldom, but sometimes the tiny redhead would drop in unexpectedly with some old fashioned, homemade, Russian dish tucked under her arm for him. They would sit in silence watching a documentary, not having to say a word. She would give him a gruff hug and then be on her way. It was perfect and Bucky enjoyed her drop ins more than he’d admit. 

Everything came to a head after Steve’s birthday party. It was a week from hell as far as Bucky was concerned. He’d wanted to get Steve new paints and canvases, the expensive ones he’d seen the blonde fawning over a few weeks prior. Buying the supplies involved either going out in public alone, not ideal, or internet shopping, even worse. He tried to get them online but gave up after an hour, wanting to smash the damned laptop. Forcing himself to go out in public when he was already in a foul mood served to be just as disastrous, but he made it somehow. Then there was the party. Steve deserved the biggest, grandest party a guy could ask for, as far as Bucky was concerned. He wanted the best for Steve, he just didn’t want to be part of it. Steve looked at Bucky like he’d kicked his puppy when Bucky had told him he didn’t think he would be attending. So Bucky had put on his brave face and joined in on the loud, obnoxious party on July 4th to celebrate. Every drunken laugh and cheer grated on his nerves but he was coping and was quick to smile and nod every time Steve would look over. The last straw was the damn fireworks. Bucky hadn’t even stopped to consider how he would be with the fireworks but he quickly learned he was very not okay. Steve was staring up at night sky like it was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen, completely enraptured by the show. Bucky was digging his nails into his palms so hard blood trickled slowly down to his wrist, his whole body shaking uncontrollably. In between blasts, he miraculously managed to excuse himself for a bathroom break, and locked himself in the bathroom where he could fall apart for a few minutes. Maybe the shrink Steve had drug him to was right about the whole PTSD thing. Fuck. 

Bucky was certain when he woke up the morning after Steve’s party that he was ruining the other man’s life. There was no sugar coating it anymore, Bucky was bringing Steve down by being with him. Bucky didn’t think he’d ever adapt to this new world and he was so damned tired of trying. He wished they’d just left him on the ice in Wakanda until they needed him for a mission or something. It had worked out for the past seventy years, it would probably be better knowing it was the good guys pulling the strings now. Sure, Steve would miss him at first but Bucky was convinced it was for the best in the long run. Who needed a socially inept, only slightly stable roommate who couldn’t do anything on their own? And Steve, self sacrificing saint that he was, would never complain about it. Which honestly just made it worse. Even when Bucky had his low spells and would spend days on end curled up in bed, unable to even function, Steve was there to support him however he could. It was just too much to throw on the man, no matter how hard Bucky was trying or how much he loved him. 

“I think I need to go back on the ice.” Bucky said one night over dinner. He was only half way through his roasted chicken and potatoes but he couldn’t wait another minute.

Steve choked on his pad thai. “What?!” he yelped once his coughing fit had stopped.

“I need to go back on the ice.” Bucky was firm in his decision, “I’m not meant for this world, Steve. You know it as well as I do. So let’s save everyone the headache and put me back under. If the team ever needs me you can just bring me back out to help.”

“I’m gonna be sick.” Steve jumped up from his spot on the sofa and started pacing, running his hands roughly through his thick blonde hair. “If we did that to you we would be no better than Hydra. Do you get that?”

Bucky sighed heavily, he should have known Steve wouldn’t get it. “It’s nothing like Hydra. The Avengers are the good guys. I won’t be brainwashed or tortured or anything. I’ll just take a long, chilly nap and you guys can bring me out when you need me.” 

“I need you!” Steve cried, exasperated. 

“Stevie,” Bucky’s tone softened, pleading, “I’m ruining your life, pal. I can’t, I won’t, sit back and watch you give up this amazing life you could have if I wasn’t in it. I want you to be happy.” 

“That’s fucking rich.” Steve barked out a harsh laugh. His pacing stopped and he stood stock-still to stare a Bucky. He couldn’t hold it back anymore. “I just want you, Buck. How can you not see that? It’s only ever been you. Even when it was just you and me in that shitty little apartment in 1936, when we were so broke we couldn’t turn on the heat. I...” Steve’s voice broke with emotion and he shook his head. 

Bucky’s chest ached, terrified of what Steve was saying. It couldn’t be. “What are you tryin’ to say?”

Tears shone in Steve’s eyes. “I love you. I always have, and I guess I always will. I know you think you’re not adjusting to life now but you’ve only been here for six months. It took me a whole damn year to really get my bearings. I won’t give up on you. Not when I just got you back.” 

“How long?” Bucky cleared his rough voice, “How long have you felt that way?”

Steve shrugged, “Since forever, I guess. I’m sorry, I know you’re not-”

“I’m gay.” Bucky blurted out, cutting Steve off. “And I’ve loved you since the minute I could put a name to the feeling.” 

“Fuck.” Steve cursed, crossing the few feet to pull Bucky into his arms, “Fuck, we’re terrible at communicating.” He crashed his lips down on Bucky’s, frantic and desperate. 

It wasn’t a perfect first kiss but it was everything to Bucky. Steve’s warm palm rested on the back of Bucky’s neck, stabilizing him as he drowned in the other man. It was rough and heated and absolutely perfect. “I love you.” Bucky rasped out in between kisses, “I love so much.”

“Don’t leave. Please don’t leave me again.” Steve pleaded against Bucky’s lips, holding him closely, “We’ll figure it out, Buck. I promise. Please.” 

Bucky trembled, tears falling with giant sobs. He was so emotionally worn out and he clung to Steve like a lifeline. “Okay. We can try.” 

It took another six months and a few extra therapy sessions, but slowly Bucky began to adapt. It wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t quick, but that was okay. Change happened slow and gentle, like dawn rising up over the city rooftops bringing warmth and light to everything it touched. They found compromises and Steve did his best to be patient with Bucky, even though sometimes he practically vibrated out of his skin with the effort to slow down. They moved Bucky into Steve’s room and adopted a fluffy white cat they both doted on endlessly. Bucky eventually found common ground with Sam and they even made a weekend trip down to DC to visit him and do some sightseeing. After seventy years of being apart, and twenty years before that hiding their feelings, being able to be openly in love felt like the biggest blessing either man could have asked for. It wasn’t perfect by any means, but they were together and that was all that really mattered. 

[shions-heart]

okay strap in boyos cuz i’ve finished my glass of wine and i’m about to go full ham on this post featuring the one and only tendou satori in my being human ‘verse

a refresher on the years/ages: at Shiratorizawa you enroll at age 13 and you are in year 1; you graduate and receive your license after your 10th year, when most are 22-23, unless you’ve been moved up due to impressive growth in your power and abilities

Ushijima graduated at age 17 and is 23 at the start of the fic. Since it takes place in/around early September, and taking into account the official birth dates, the others ages/years are as follows: Tendou, 23 (year 10); Semi, 22 (year 10); Leon, 22 (year 10); Yamagata, 21 (year 10); Shirabu, 20 (year 10); Kawanishi, 20 (year 8); Goshiki, 18 (year 8). Both Shirabu and Goshiki moved up two years due to their impressive magical growth, power, and abilities.

because i believe it is relevant to their interests, i’m tagging @pulveremcomedesligulas @emerald-psyche @akaashisstar @semdere and @xevikan15

(spoilers for The Awakening under the cut y’all know the drill)

(looooong post, tw for child abuse and neglect, PTSD, and bullying)

okay so some backstory first: we got glimpses of it in the fic but the main run down of it is

Tendou’s mom was already pregnant with him when she did her Hinokoku trial at 18. She didn’t know she was pregnant at the time and went through some really harrowing stuff that ended up breaking her mind. She passed the trial but her PTSD was so bad afterwards she could barely function. That’s when she realized she was pregnant.

She kept the baby secret as long as she could, started isolating herself when she couldn’t hide it anymore, and generally did not do well. The amount of flashbacks she had started to twist her reality to the point where she became convinced that she conceived Tendou in Hinokoku and he was, in fact, a demon spawn.

After he was born and looked human, she tried to convince herself that everything was fine, he was fine, they were both fine, but she only got worse, and the House of the White Rose were no help. When Tendou was about three years old, she petitioned the House of the White Swan to take her and her son into their coven, so she could avoid Tendou facing the Hinokoku trials. The House of the White Swan coven council agreed when they saw how desperate she was, somewhat afraid what she might do to herself or the child if they refused.

So then Tendou and his mom lived in hiding, constantly moving to avoid detection from the House of the White Rose (the punishment for defecting is losing your magic); meanwhile, Tendou’s mother grew worse. He did his best to care for her himself, but she would have days where she would call him a monster and try to attack him, convinced once more that he was demon spawn. These episodes could last a few minutes or days. Tendou became quite good at recognizing and managing her mood swings, staying upbeat and cheerful for her sake, even though her words cut through him each time. 

(This is also when he became really good at Defensive Magic and wards. He had to be. His mother often threw things at him or cast spells at him when she was in this state. He had to know how to recognize the signs of an incoming attack, “guess” at where they’d be coming from and what type of attacks they’d be, and throw up wards quickly enough to block them.)

Finally, he was thirteen and old enough to enroll at Shiratorizawa. Not wanting to leave his mother on her own, he convinced her to check herself into an institution. It was one of the hardest decisions he ever made, but he knew it was for the best.

His first day at Shiratorizawa did not go well. He unwittingly sat in a seat the class bully always sat in, and didn’t move when the kid told him to (not seeing why he should when there were plenty of other seats available). The bully got angry and Tendou, “guessing” that he’d was about to be attacked, threw up a ward. The bully’s hex hit it and backfired, giving him the ears, nose, and tail of a pig. Tendou thought this was hilarious and burst out laughing his loud, unnatural cackle, which put everyone on edge. They didn’t think Tendou should’ve been able to predict an attack or put up a powerful ward so quickly. That’s when the taunts and gossip started around him being a “monster.”

It hurt, because Shiratorizawa was supposed to be a place for him to make a new start. To finally be safe in one place and make friends. But Tendou, always one to bury his true feelings behind a smile and a joke, seemed to take it in stride. He didn’t retaliate but he gave up on trying to find any friends.

That’s when he met Ushijima. The quiet boy was strong and studious and didn’t seem aware of the bully incident at all. He was so absorbed in his homework he seemed to miss a lot of what was going on around him. That made him the perfect person for Tendou to befriend, it seemed. So he did. He sat next to Ushijima and chatted at him about anything and everything. Ushijima didn’t offer much back by way of conversation, but he also didn’t treat Tendou like a monster or someone to avoid.

At least, until Ushijima moved up a year, and then another, leaving Tendou behind and not ever seeking him out or trying to contact him. Tendou was pretty sure he’d just lost his best friend, if Ushijima had ever really been his friend at all, and that hurt pretty badly too.

Enter Semi Eita.

Tendou’s entire world lit up with his arrival. Semi had always been there, of course, but had hung back, not wanting to intrude on Tendou and Ushijima’s friendship, just glad to see Tendou had made a friend because after the bully incident, Semi thought the others’ treatment of Tendou was really unfair but was unnerved enough himself to hesitate to bridge that gap.

But once he saw Tendou sitting alone again, he mustered up his courage and went to sit with him. Tendou was stunned, honestly. He already thought Semi Eita was the prettiest boy he’d ever seen, and here he was sitting with him. Talking to him. Not treating him like a monster at all! Tendou clung to that, to Semi, and even though Semi would call him annoying sometimes, he never really tried to get away from him, so Tendou knew he liked him. They were friends. And when they became roommates a couple years later, Tendou was fricking thrilled, already well on his way to falling in love with Semi.

Having Semi around gave him the courage to start reaching out to the other loners. Leon was next. Being half-black made him a target for some of the more racist students, so Tendou dragged Semi over to meet him and all three of them hit it off really well. Yamagata came after this. The poor boy was a spazz, always misplacing his things, and rather flamboyantly gay. Thus, a target. So, into the group he went!

A couple years passed before Kawanishi and Shirabu arrived. Kawanishi got put in Yamagata’s room, so naturally Yamagata brought him to their lunch table. Tendou found his deadpan humor hilarious and took his aloof nature as a challenge. He went out of his way to include Kawanishi in things and surprisingly, Kawanishi went along with it. He never became a target because they all accepted him immediately, so he didn’t have time to become a loner.

Shirabu was a tougher cookie. He wasn’t a loner because others picked on him. He isolated himself intentionally. It reminded Tendou a lot of Ushijima, actually. The others were skeptical about bringing him in because of this, but Tendou insisted that he was perfect for their group. (“what’s wrong with weird?”) He reached out to Shirabu and got cold rebuffs in return, but he never gave up on him, and after a few months Shirabu seemed to warm up to them a bit more. Tendou found out about the nightmare incident from Semi, and felt himself somewhat akin to Shirabu. He, too, suffered from nightmares for a long time. It was only after he started rooming with Semi that they became less frequent before stopping altogether (so he totally understands Shirabu’s attachment to Semi). He did everything he could to make sure Shirabu felt included and wanted and cared for, knowing first hand how awful it feels when the circumstances are the opposite.

Goshiki came two years after Shirabu and Kawanishi. He became a target because of his outburst his first day of class (declaring he’d be the best, strongest Demon Hunter ever). Tendou found his enthusiasm endearing and basically thought he was the cutest thing ever, so he wasted no time in including him in the group.

And thus his little family was complete! For six years, nobody dared to say anything to his face. He finally had a group of people around him who loved him, wanted him, cared about him. He invested a lot of time into them, individually and as a whole, coming up with ideas for hang outs, outings, “parties,” etc. He was finally happy.

Then the attacks started, and the rumor mill did as well. People grew bold again, lashing out at Tendou as they were all convinced he was the perpetrator. The word “monster” got tossed around again, and Tendou desperately tried to not let it bother him. It didn’t matter, because his friends, his family, believed in him. For a while he succeeded in suppressing those bad thoughts and feelings. He concentrated on encouraging Goshiki’s growth, on watching Yamagata’s hopeless crush on Kawanishi unfold, on wooing Semi Eita through unconventional methods, never quite bold enough to come out and say that he was in love with him (especially because he wasn’t sure if Semi would even return his feelings).

Then Ushijima came back into his life.

Now, Tendou had been following Ushijima’s career. Of course he had. He was proud of his former friend. He was inspiring and powerful; someone to look up to and emulate, at least in his Demon Hunter career. Tendou wasn’t set on becoming a Demon Hunter, but he saw the way his friends looked up to the Great Ushijima Wakatoshi and he was glad for it.

Then Ushijima arrived at the school and Tendou ran into him by chance. There he was, in the flesh: tall, strong, unbelievably handsome. Tendou was starstruck. And then he realized Ushijima didn’t recognize him. It hurt, a lot more than Tendou was expecting, and he played it off like he was just meeting him for the first time. Then of course came his scheme to help out with the investigation and get to know him again, to make up for lost time, to maybe get his friend back. And as all those warm feelings from the past came back, paired with the admiration he already had, plus the fact that Ushijima became damn attractive, it led to deeper feelings, as well.

Let me tell you, Tendou Satori suffered a lot during the events of The Awakening. Being accused of being a demon, or a half-demon, brought back a lot of terrible memories from his past with his mother. (That was why he tried to protect Shirabu once he figured out about him.) But you know? I don’t think he would go back to change a thing. Because despite all that pain and hardship, it led him to Shiratorizawa. It led him to his family.

[vios-rockland-corner]

I attempted to draw my Rockland OC Sasha playing pool...it did not go well.  I hate the face.  I tried to draw a hand close up to make up for the disgrace, but I don’t think it does.

Oh well, it’s part of my rule that I can’t talk about Sasha unless I draw her.  Helps me practice (but does not guarantee the picture will turn out great).

Well to be exact, I actually just wanted to talk about another character I’m trying to develop who could be a friend of Sasha.

I’m usually not fantastic at making side characters, but this one’s been forming in my head pretty well over the last few days.

I might make Sasha’s best friend a guy name Pierce (name pending- especially if a canon Rockland character pops up with the same name soon).  He’d be someone that she’s known for a long time, either from elementary or middle school.  I don’t know their ages yet, so I can’t say exactly how long.  They’d be super tight though and comfortable with each other.

I was trying to think of what Sasha does in her spare time.  At first I was thinking she had a gal pal who had a tendency to drag Sasha around as her designated driver so they could go to bars.  Yeah, Sasha would be a good designated driver, but that doesn’t sound as fun.  However, lots of bars and pubs will sometimes have pool tables, and I thought, “Well I could see Sasha going to pubs/bars if she’s with a friend and they have a little something more to do than just chat or scope out the scene!”  So that’s where Pierce comes in.

Pierce is a fantastic pool/billiards player.  Loves to play and he’s great at it.  Sasha also loves pool, and is decent (but not as good as Pierce).  So Sasha actually enjoys playing against Pierce to get better at the game, and Pierce enjoys having someone with the persistence to keep playing him.

Funny thing is though, while both Sasha and Pierce would be friendly and helpful if they were playing anybody else, when these two play together they talk a lot of smack and start roasting each other.   These two have just known each other for so long that it’s more out of good fun and competitiveness than mean spirit.

Pierce wins the vast majority of the time, but on a rare occasion Sasha has pulled a couple wins (which just encourages her more to keep playing).

They may make small bets like, “You’re paying my tab if you lose,” though Pierce tends to avoid as many monetary bets because he known he’d starting draining Sasha’s wallet ;)  (To which Sasha would retort, “Oh we’ll see about that.”)

Couple of reasons I like this setup:

1) I think it’s a decent pastime that both keeps them active in their own space as well as opens up opportunities to meet/interact with other characters in the world

2) Pubs and bars I’m sure would be great places to hear lots of odds stories and rumors...like about people going missing >:)

3) This is a little extra reassurance to keep Sasha safe, having the two of them together a lot in a public space

4) It’s a funny setup considering these two are NOT dating, but they often get mistaken as boyfriend and girlfriend.

At the moment, both characters are single.  They don’t even consider dating each other.  When people ask, they basically both give the same answer: “I’ve just known them for too long.”  They often treat each other more like siblings than potential partners.  They’re at this point where literally either could be hanging out at the other’s place, walking around in a towel after a shower looking for something, and they’d just treat it as casual (maybe a little joke thrown in though).  It’s not that either of them are gay or lesbian, they just feel like they’re life friends, not partners.  Although if either has to find a roommate to save money on living expenses, they’re each other’s first choice.

But of course, to the public eye it might not be easy to tell.  It has DEFINITELY been problematic at times for each to find a boyfriend or girlfriend unless they’re hanging out by themselves.  There’s been some problems before where the person they’re dating doesn’t like how cozy Sasha and Pierce can get with one another.  Sasha and Pierce are the same though where, “If I’m dating someone who won’t accept my friendship with my childhood buddy, then they’re not worth dating.”  

Pierce would also probably make a joke that if he married Sasha, “But then I couldn’t be the uncle who can spoil her kids rotten and let her know when she’s getting fat!”

If people they’re not fond of start to bother them too much when they’re playing a game of billiards, their usual strategy is to just start upping the smack they talk with one another (still only to each other) to the point where the other people just can’t get a word in and feel like they’re not even part of the scene.  If they don’t know that Sasha and Pierce aren’t dating, Sasha and Pierce will also use each other as an “emergency girlfriend/boyfriend” if there’s someone they want to deter (obviously doesn’t work if somehow the other party is already aware they’re just friends).

Pierce and Sasha will watch each other’s backs though.  If it looks like someone bad is getting too close, they’ll find a pool stick shoved in their way.  Pierce might actually even smack a dude’s hand “on accident” with a pool stick if he saw them trying to get a little too handsy with Sasha.  Otherwise, they just leave and head to the next bar/pub if a place isn’t working for them.  People can look, but no touch (unless it’s obvious Sasha or Pierce is interesting in whoever new person they’re talking to).

Pierce is probably pretty good looking.  I don’t know what he looks like yet though 0.o I didn’t try to draw him because honestly I’m even worse with male characters (both drawing and coming up with something original).  Pierce probably gets more attention than Sasha though in public.  Thinking he’s maybe 5′9″, but still debating on that.

Seeing as I changed talking about Pierce as a “would be” to an “is” here, pretty sure I’m going to try to keep him, but he could change in some ways.

Bonus:

I guess I could share HOW I came up with Pierce because it’s...kind of funny.  I was in the mall and walking through one of the clothing departments when I passed by the lingerie section.  I am a woman, but I still always feel a little weird walking through there.  Some stuff looks nice, but I think I’m just shy, haha.

I thought for a moment would Sasha be more of the type to shop for lingerie?  I’m thinking...I don’t think so, but what if she was there with someone else?  Somehow it turned into me thinking about a serious conversation Sasha was having with a friend, who was advising her to basically be careful and keep herself safe (long story regarding a backstory I’m not sure I’m keeping).  Anyways, the end of the conversation goes something like this:

Pierce: “Alright, now that I’ve done my sacred duty as your friend, advising you to stay out of trouble...take me to the lingerie section.”

Sasha: “Why do you ALWAYS want to go see women’s underwear when we go to the mall together?”

Pierce: “First of all: Don’t call it underwear, that’s so undignified.  Second: Because if I go there by myself, either I get girls giving me a disgusted look or little old ladies creeping on me saying I must be such a good boyfriend looking to buy something for my girl.”

Sasha: “Well yeah, pretty sure it IS weird for a dude to walk around there alone...”

Pierce: “Yeah but if I’m with you we just look like we’re shopping as a couple.”

To clarify, Pierce thinks lingerie is basically like a work of art.  He just likes looking, he doesn’t have a reason to buy it.  He doesn’t like if Sasha calls it “underwear.”  He’s well aware Sasha wears either boring underwear or just oversized shirts to bed, which he feels is a waste.  He often says she needs to treat herself and “upgrade.”

I imagined one time Sasha got annoyed and offered to “model” for him at her place with some lingerie she just bought, just to get his opinion.  She purposefully picked something ugly though (I keep thinking “pineapple lingerie” for some reason because that sounds pretty unsexy to me).  Pierce was appalled and said, “Burn it.”  Would also be another fun reason why Pierce could never really view Sasha as sexy XD

Sometimes Sasha’s not entirely sure if Pierce is more interested in women wearing lingerie...or really just the lingerie itself, haha.

I’m not sure if I’ll keep the lingerie fascination.  It’s funny, but debatable whether it’s just perverted or an odd “sophisticated taste.”  I could throw it out and keep the stuff I mentioned earlier.  It’s just weird that’s how I came up with this character.

[atruththatyoudeny]

MONTHLY READS | December 2018

Happy 1D Fanworks Appreciation Day! Thank you so much for all the hard work you put into your stories and the courage to share them with us! I am so grateful for all the amazing authors in this fandom! Here are the fics I read this month, as always, Top 5 + 12 more under the cut.

Captain Jack

by jaerie for 1D Fanworks For Charity | DARK DRUG FIC - Please read the tags on the fic page carefully! | a/b/o | 31k Louis has been searching for something and Harry is there to give it to him. Drugs, sex, disappointment, and the tangled web they’ve woven that keeps them trapped in the same cycle.

Better Not Pout, I'm Telling You Why

by runaway_train for Larry Holiday Fic Fest | Christmas | fluff | strangers to lovers | workplace relationship | 24k Niall wipes his hands again with his cloth, jaw tense as his eyes narrow in contemplation at the man in front of him. After a pause, he opens his mouth. “OK, I need to tell you something and you have to promise not to laugh.” Oh here we go, now the truth is away to come out. “Okaaaay…” He drops the towel. “Harry still believes in Santa Claus.” Louis hoots out a single loud chord of laughter. “Fuck off. No he doesn’t.” “He does. I swear.” Niall manages to say it with a completely straight face, but he must be taking the piss. “Niall, he’s twenty two. Do you honestly expect me to believe he’s managed to make it this far through life without someone telling him the truth that Santa isn’t real?” Or The one where Harry still believes in Santa Claus and Louis doesn't want to be the one to burst his bubble.

Santa Baby Honey

by SadaVeniren | Christmas | crack | fluff | humor | BDSM | exhibitionism | 28k “Let’s cut right to the chase,” Niall said, loading the powerpoint, which was just one page, comprised of Louis’ face and the words How do you solve a problem like this asshole? “It’s the beginning of November and Louis is already being a fuckwit. How are we gonna have him knock that shit off this year?” aka Louis is the CEO of a toy company and Christmas is a stressful time of year so his assistant decides the best way to make him chill out is by getting him laid through a Secret Santa

O' Christmas Tree

by Justalittlelouislove for Larry Holiday Fic Fest | Christmas | kid fic | fluff | 15k At a stoplight, he finds himself doing some retrospective thinking of his own. Instead of going over one of his fifty or so mental to-do lists, his mind drifts to Harry’s dimples, the way his whole face changed when he smiled, how some of the pine trees almost matched the green of his eyes perfectly. It’s- well it’s annoying is what it is. He can’t spend all his time thinking about some tree farmer with broad shoulders, he’s got bigger fish to fry. Girl Scout meetings, homework charts, client lists, lots and lots of very large fish sitting around waiting to be fried. or: Louis has a busy schedule to keep and a daughter to raise. He definitely isn't looking for a relationship. Enter Harry Styles, a local Christmas tree farmer that seems just a little too good to be true.

Along The Heather

by noellehenry for HLRegencyVictorianFicChallenge | Victorian AU | Jane Eyre AU | verbal abuse | physical abuse | Minor Character Death | panic attack | attemped murder | angst | mystery | 35k Orphaned Harry Styles grows up with his cruel aunt and cousins, before he is sent away to a boys' boarding school, which teaches poor and orphaned boys. Even though his aunt tries to undermine Harry's experience at the school, he does well in school, and stays on at the school as a teacher after he graduates. When he becomes restless after significant changes at the school, he applies for a job as a tutor at Thorgill Hall, teaching the younger brother of Mr. Louis Tomlinson. Harry develops romantic feelings for his pupil's brother... Thorgill Hall,however, holds a secret; it’s becoming slightly more eerie every day and when his life is threatened, Harry makes a drastic decision…

Your touch is the only thing I feel

by 2tiedships2 | a/b/o | strangers to lovers | fluff | 15k Liam. Liam was finally here. Louis kept his eyes closed and cuddled farther into Liam’s side, revelling in the pheromones Louis’ body desperately needed. He wasn’t sure how long Liam had been holding him, but Louis figured it had to have been at least an hour by the way his body had loosened. The need of an alpha’s touch seemed to have been temporarily lifted from his mind. Louis listened to the sounds of the pub around him. It was louder than before he had fallen asleep and he briefly wondered why Liam hadn’t just woken him to go back to their flat. “Who the fuck are you?” Louis’ eyes flew open at the sound of Niall’s voice, and the arm that had been around Louis shoulders lifted in the same instant. He missed the warmth immediately. Louis looked from Niall’s stormy face over to the person who was definitely not Liam. The alpha Liam impersonator, who smelled a lot better than the actual Liam now that Louis was alert, looked back at Louis with wide eyes and familiar furrowed brows. Or the one where Louis refuses to settle for just any alpha despite intense touch deprivation. Fortunately Harry isn't just any alpha.

Pull your-elf together

by EmmyLouWho for Larry Holiday Fic Fest | Christmas | fluff | pining | 4k Louis looks Harry up and down. “Hang on, aren't you a bit tall to be an elf?” “Alright, Princess Leia,” Harry says, and Niall loses it. “Ohhhhhh,” he says. “Harry, we are definitely going to be good friends.” Or: Santa's Winter Wonderland is a great place to fall in love.

And Touch Me Like You Never

by runaway_train for Larry Holiday Fic Fest | Christmas | implied/ referenced drug use | implied/ referenced alcohol abuse | mildly dubious consent | angst | roommates | coming out | friends with benefits | dom/sub undertones | friends to lovers | pining | 35k “Lets move back a bit yeah?” Harry clutches at his waist with a free hand and tugs him to move through the crowd until they are almost at the back of the group and settles them both beside the far wall. “There. That better?” Louis looks up at him, as if he’s a tad dazed. “Uh, yeah, thanks. Can’t really see much from back here either though.” Harry lifts a shoulder and grins at him, placing a hand on the wall behind Louis to pen him in. “We’ll just have to create our own fireworks then, won’t we?” He says it jokingly with a wink, and Louis laughs but he seems nervous. He must know that Harry is harmlessly flirting. Harry flirts with everyone after all, including Louis. “Do you think this is a good idea Haz?” Louis asks quietly, almost too quietly in the clamour of the room, his head bowed as he scuffs his shoe on the carpet. “Stop over thinking it Lou, it’s one kiss. What’s the worst that could happen?” Or The one where Harry and Louis agree to be each other's New Year's kiss and it ends up being a lot more than they bargained for.

Head Over Heels

by Sasparella76 for Larry Holiday Fic Fest | Christmas | enemies to friends to lovers | 26k Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles are both up and coming editors at Cowell Publishing. Louis thinks Harry is brilliant at his job and beyond gorgeous. It’s just a pity that Harry is also the most annoying man Louis has ever met.

Holiday Greetings (And Gay Happy Meetings)

by 2tiedships2 | Part I of It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year | a/b/o | Christmas | strangers to lovers | enemies to lovers | fluff | 18k "Onwards to drop me off at Robert's before you go to Harry's!" Louis proclaimed when they were safely in the car. Or at least Louis was safely in. Niall was still brushing the snow out of his hair that Louis had accidentally dropped on him. "We're picking up biscuits first," Niall grumbled as the snow melted into his hair. "You can wait in the car." After three times of the car sounding like it was dying a slow and tragic death, it finally decided to start. "This is what happens when you try to change the name of your car after five years," Louis said as a reminder of Niall's stupidity. "You'd be upset too if you were a car named Greased Lightning with a passenger trying to get it renamed to Dusty." "To be fair," Niall explained, "the name Dusty does seem a bit more accurate." "Make sure to leave the car running while you're getting whatever you're getting from Harry," Louis said in disgust. "This car is going to choke for good after that comment and I don't want to be stuck at Harry's place when that happens." Or the one where Niall's dead car and and a foot of snow conspire to force Louis into spending time with an alpha he hates.... or does he?

(That's Just) The Way I Am

by lululawrence for 1D Fanworks For Charity | fake/pretend relationship | lights angst | 17k There was no way Harry would want to bring anyone out for an introductory trip like this. The fighting between himself and his father was sure to be be worse than usual and father still hadn’t accepted Harry’s pansexual identity. Harry wasn’t dating anyone at the moment, but at this point he almost wished he were dating a man just so he could incense his father. The door jingled, pulling Harry’s attention away from the window and to the man who had just walked into the cafe. Now that was exactly who Harry should try bringing home. The man was dressed in ratty black skinny jeans and what was obviously a self cut tank top that used to be a Stone Roses t-shirt. His black chucks had holes in the canvas, indicating exactly how old they were, and his maroon beanie wasn’t in much better shape. The more Harry studied the man’s smoky eyeliner rimmed eyes and the lipstick he had swiped on to match his hat, the more Harry started hatching an idea. What if Harry really did bring this man home?

I Just Wanna Give You Love

lululawrence for 1D Fanworks For Charity | soulmates | famous/not famous | 18k Graham Norton appeared on the screen introducing his guests and out of nowhere, everything in Louis’ world was turned upside down. Louis gasped as he intently took in the man on the screen, smiling and waving from his seat beside Sir Ian McKellen. “Oh my God,” Louis said before it all sank in as to what it meant. “Holy fucking shit!” “Louis William, you watch your mouth,” Jay said. “What has got into you?” Feeling like a madman, his palms to his cheeks, Louis couldn’t help the tears of surprise, relief, and fear as he turned to his mum. “What colour are his eyes? What do you call that colour?” “Louis, are you telling me that the man on the screen, Harry Styles, is your soulmate?” Or the one where the world is in black and white until you meet your soulmate, but Harry is world famous and Louis is...well...not.

This is a Rainbow War

by lululawrence for 1D Fanworks For Charity | famous/ not famous | friends to lovers | fluff | pining | travel | 15k “So what are we doing?” Niall asked as he slipped in. “Harry seems to really like rainbows,” Louis said, purposefully vague. “So let’s go ahead and make sure he’s really in the spirit.” Louis untaped the flag he’d used to hold it together and showed Niall what he had inside. He’d been keeping a wide variety of flags from each show and gathering them until he had enough to cover Harry’s entire dressing room with them. “Oh this is going to be great,” Niall said with a chuckle. “Oh my God,” Shawn said excitedly. “It’s going to look like someone puked pride flags all over a campsite.” “Exactly,” Louis said. Or, the one where Harry's a famous singer, Louis is part of his road crew, and after Harry gives Louis a special assignment regarding rainbow flags, things maybe turn out a little differently than either of them planned.

Naughty or Nice

by noellehenry | Christmas | miscommunication | innuendo | humour | fluff | 10 Louis never intended for his boss, the very attractive Harry Styles, to find out he has a temporary, additional job as a Christmas Elf at Harrods Department Store. When he gets a request to show up in his elf costume at Mr. Styles' office, after office hours, Louis' mind goes wild...

Nobody Likes To Be Played

by rosegoldhl for Girl Direction Fic Fest | Girl Direction | infidelity | implied/ referenced homophobia | fluff | friends to lovers | emotional/psychological abuse | 19k The first thing she realized as she walked into the bar was that there was some sort of gig from an unknown, obscure rock band, the kind of music Louis enjoyed. The second thing was that the place was packed with teenagers and university students, and Harry looked out of place in trousers and a polka-dot shirt. The third was that this outing was destined to ruin her life.

Until I Found You

by dimpled_halo | a/b/o | Cam Boy/ Porn Star | enemies to friends to lovers | slow burn | fluff | 45k Harry Styles is the popstar of the century, or so the media proclaims. He’s linked to every omega he’s seen with, donned as an alpha lothario who isn’t ready to settle down any time soon. His team works hard to publicise him as an alpha who can’t keep his knot in his pants, but not everything is as it seems. Louis Tomlinson, an aspiring musician working as a porn star and camboy, is waiting for his big break. When he meets Harry Styles he can’t stand the alpha that only uses his power and fame to bed as many omegas as possible. He runs into him at a party and hopes to never see him again only to find that Harry’s assistant is dating Louis’ best friend. To make matters worse, Harry’s about to embark on a world tour and is in need of a guitarist at the last minute, an opportunity Zayn uses to put in a good word for Louis. What happens when the opportunity that Louis has been waiting for finally comes, but at the price of having to share the stage with one Harry Styles?

Merry Birthday

by jaerie | Christmas | a/b/o | soulmates | soul marks | 9k Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson have unfortunate soulmarks branded onto their skin. The first words their soulmate will ever speak to them are two of the most common greetings, so common that they don't even notice when it finally happens for real. A Christmas soulmate AU.

[late2theshow]

Blue Does not know Gay Part 3

Yellow was not looking forward to the thought of going on a date with a guy. Blue didn’t take any of her hints that she wasn’t interested and instead went along with getting Jermaine’s number and finding out when he will be free next.  So now Yellow is sitting at a bar stool in a local bar waiting this man to come over.  She was hoping he wouldn’t show up.  But to her dismay he did. And he brought a flower.  Great.

Yellow knew she shouldn’t be rude, but she was annoyed.  She cancelled on White to see this guy and to make matters worse Blue is in some sort of mood because of this, and it was her idea in the first place!

“Uh, hi, you must be Yellow….Is that your nickname?”

She rolled her eyes. Here we go…..

“No—its my first name. I get that a lot”

“Sorry, I hope I didn’t offend?”

“You didn’t, trust me”

He seemed so casual. She felt at ease around him despite only knowing him for a few seconds.  

 Meanwhile on the other side of town Blue was sulking over not having anyone to hang out with.  Her roommate was now getting an earful on how Yellow ditched her.

 “She didn’t even call me today, like seriously? How rude is that?”

Her roommate shrugged. “Well, maybe she is excited to go on this date and forgot.  You said she hasn’t dated a boy the entire time she has been in college”

“I know, but the least I could have seen her before her date?”

Her roommate paused before answering.  It was almost as if Blue was jealous of her friend’s date.

“You know, I have a few cute boys who would go out with you.” Her roommate inquired.

Blue shook her head “I don’t want to date I just want—” Blue didn’t know what she wanted other than Yellow. But that made no sense.  Why did she only want a girl’s company and no one else.  

What does that make her?

“want what?”

“I don’t know.  I just don’t want to date any guys right now”

“But does that mean your friend shouldn’t date either?”

“No, your right.  I just miss hanging out with her”

“Blue…..it’s been only been a day since you’ve seen her”

 Back with Yellow; her and Jermaine were hitting it off.  They like the same music, sports, both hate their pre-law professor and they both go to the same bars; just not on the same nights.  Turns out Jermaine is gay and just dates girls that his friends suggest to not be judged.  

“Truthfully I was not looking forward to this date.  I was afraid I would have to go home with you” Yellow joked.  

“I would have just stuck you with the bill; I did that once and the girl told all her friends I was a scumbag and none of them bothered me again”

The two shared a laugh.

“So, what’s next?” Yellow asked

“Girl. let’s finish this martini”

“What about, what we tell everyone after tonight? I am assuming you’re not out of the closet?”

“No.  What about you?”

“I’m out but, not open. I a few women from the debate team tried to question it—But I told them I’m too focused on school”

“Same here.  Do we just tell people that we don’t connect?”

Yellow sipped her drink “It’s kind of a shame we actually do”

Jermaine chuckled “I know, right? If only you had a Y chromosome, then Yellow, you could be my soulmate”

Yellow laughed “And if only your name was Blue Sommabai; you would then be mine”

Jermaine raised an ear brow “Sommabai? You mean Diana’s roommate the Indian girl with the Irish accent? She was the one who hooked us up”

Yellow’s eyes went wide. How could she forget that Blue knew this guy?

“Yeah” Yellow looked away “I’ve been sort of…. pining for her for a few weeks now; I figured the thought was mutual but –its clearly not; since she stuck me with you.  No offense”

“Oh, none taken.  If it makes you feel better Diana tried to hook Blue up with everyone one of my roommates.  Blue didn’t take anyone up on the offer.  And I live with a ton of hot hots so—its clear she is gay”

Yellow shook her head “No���trust me she is not.  I mean she could be a little handsy, but she doesn’t even know what gay is.  She asked me to go to church with her one Sundays”

“She might be far in the closet”

“I think she might be buried in the closet”

Jermaine finished his drink “Maybe you need to dig her out.  She’s cute.  When her roommate told me about you—she made you sound like you were one hot ticket”

“What did she say?”

Jermaine laughed “You got it bad for her”

Yellow rolled her eyes “a bit, but seriously what did she say?”

 The next day

 Blue was still mad—she chose to take the day off and not go to class.   Yellow still didn’t call her.  She was getting mad over it.  Its now been 48-hours without seeing her.  Blue decided to leave and head to Yellow’s dorm.  She knew Yellow goes straight home on Tuesday’s after her business law class.  

Yellow was surprised to hear a loud knock on her door. “forget your key again?” she asked. Assuming it was her roommate. Once she opened the door she saw Blue; furious and ready to rush into the apartment to yell.  

“You could have called before you came over” Yellow stated.  Finding this slightly rude.

“Why is Jermaine here?” Blue snapped.  She was in the living room now.  Looking in to the kitchen to see if he was there.  “Did I interrupt your evening? Do you still need to make him breakfast and send him on his way?”

“Blue its 3pm and you know I get out of class at 1!  You know Jermaine still have classes.  What’s your problem?”

“You never called me! Not even before your date!”

“I was busy!”

“Too busy to call?”

“Yes!”

They never fought before but they were both on edge.  Blue was mad at her for being ignored and Yellow was mad because she and Jermaine didn’t come up with a good lie, except we’ll just be friends.

“So is he your boyfriend now?” Blue questioned.

“No, just friends”

“Just friends?”

“Yes”

Blue signed and sat down on the couch “I was so upset and worried.  What if you had a bad time? Or what if you had a really good time? I’m sorry”

“Sorry for snapping at me? or—”

“I’m sorry I don’t know how to feel”

Yellow was confused. But wanted to assume she knew what Blue was feeling.  Blue looked over to see and frowned “I thought that we were close because we were both single ladies; but the idea of you dating someone made me so mad—”

“You’re the one that made me go on this date, remember?”

“I know but—I didn’t think you would!”

“Why is that?”

“I don’t know” Blue then felt her face heat up.  I thought you would rather hang out with me”

“I would”

Blue smiled “Really?”

“Of course, I only went out with Jermaine because I knew your roommate was trying to play match maker and so were you”

“I was. I just regret it now….”

“don’t.  If it makes you feel better, I don’t want to date any other guys at all”

“You mean until after college?” Blue questioned

Yellow shook her head “No, not even after college”

“Well then when? When do you want to get married?”

Yellow shrugged “Well, I might get married; but I don’t want to marry a man”

Blue paused “Then…who would you marry?”

Yellow didn’t say anything and just looked at her; a slightly worried face.  Blue’s eyes widened “Then that means—”

She was finally going to get it.

Blue looked at her “You don’t like boys, so that means….”

Yellow nodded her head.

“Oh.”

That’s all she said was. Oh.

“You know what I’m saying right?”

“I think”

“Blue.  I’m gay.  I like women. I’d rather date a woman”

“Oh.”

“Oh? that’s it?”

“well.  I just didn’t know.  I was raised catholic, Yellow.  No one talks about these things to people.  You’re the only gay person I ever met”

Yellow grinned “Jermaine is gay.  My roommate is gay.  Heather from your accounting class is gay and your roommate Diane’s cousin is gay”

“Audrey?”

“Yes”

“How do you know?”

“I slept with Audrey”

Blue gasped.  “Oh my God! You’re the Blonde Mullet asshole who wouldn’t return her phone calls!?”

Yellow cringed. “Audrey is a bit much.  Too much for me”

Blue sat back on the couch and laughed “Wow, this whole time I thought you were shy.  Turns out you slept with every gay guy and gay girl in town”

“No, I only slept with four women and two of them happen to be our age”

“Ever slept with a man?”

“No, but I kissed one and it was terrible.  Middle school dance; Doug Parker.  We were both the highest-grade students; we had no choice”

“Did you ever think of men? In a romantic way?”

“When I was 10.  Then I grew to lose all interest in men”

Blue pondered for a moment and asked, “So you would rather date women?”

“Yes” Yellow was now worried that Blue might wish to stop being friends after this revelation.  

“Do you find all women attractive?”

“Some I do.  I really can’t say I have a type”

“Would I be one of your types? Do you find me attractive?”

Yellow felt uncomfortable; her face was getting warm.  If she says the wrong thing she could ruin the friendship.  

“Blue, I don’t want to mess up our friendship”

Blue sat closer “You wont if your honest to me?”

Yellow looked away nervously “Well, you are very attractive.  I always assumed you liked men, So I never made any action that could have been deemed inappropriate”

“Well.  I feel bad now, I’ve been clinging on to you and undressing in front of you, and I forced you into that underwear store last week. I’ve been making it inappropriate for you”

“Well, I didn’t know you knew what a lesbian was”

“I could have looked it up. I’m not stupid Yellow, I beat you in scrapple six times before”

“I let you win the first time”

“Bullshit”

“Okay, we are off topic. But seriously, I didn’t know how to bring it up, so I never did”

Blue frowned “Well, I wish you never felt you had to hide it”

“it’s okay”

Blue moved closer to Yellow. Making Yellow more uneasy about this situation.   She wanted to evade the topic now.  She couldn’t figure out what Blue was thinking.

“Well, Jermaine and I are now friends.  I might try to hook him up with my roommate.  He wants to go out next Thursday to a bar on the other side of town. I would invite you but it’s a gay bar”

“I’ll go with you”

“Really?”

“Yes really”

“I mean you might get hit on.”

“As long I get to flirt with you” Blue said that without really thinking.  But wasn’t embarrassed to admit that.  

Yellow was—she was red in the face after hearing that statement.  Blue giggled and stood up “Well I am sorry that I barged in to yell at you, but if its okay I’ll see you Thursday”

Yellow nodded “Sounds good”

Once Blue left Yellow covered her face with her hands and felt her face—completely hot; she must have been red as a beat.  Blue was okay with her being gay and wanted to go to a gay bar with her. She always hoped Blue like her like that; but how on earth would she handle babysitting Blue while keeping her own crush on her in check?

[kz-i-co]

Deal or No Deal

» Summary: You ask your ex for a favor

» Pairing: Yoo Youngjae/ Reader

» Genre: Smut

» Words: 3.7k

» A/N: I regret writing this because Youngjae is a very strong bias wrecker for me and now I’m struggling lol

» Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

» m.list ╫ bap masterlist

"Stop." The man stopped you.

"What's wrong?" You asked as he got off you.

"Nothing, I just realized I'm unavailable." He paced out of your place.

"Yah......What's that suppose to mean?" You groaned in frustration. Dating was hard. Your last decent relationship was way over a year ago now and every time you went out with a guy you started to like, he always ran off after your first sexual time together. The few dates you had were amazing and they seemed to be into you but why did they run after you have had sex.

Were you bad? Is that possible?

You woke up the next morning with a frown visible on your face and your hair a crying mess.

"Rough night?" Your roommate spoke while making breakfast.

"This one didn't even finish.....What a pig."

"Most men are."

"This was our 5th date....why run now?" You asked confused. "Do you think it's me?"

"What do you mean.....you're beautiful....and friendly-"

"I mean the sex.....What if I'm horrible at it?"

"How can you be horrible at it?" She laughed.

"You tell me.....every guy is fine....until the night we move to the next step if you know what I mean?" You arched your eyebrows.

"What do I do?" You slouched.

"Maybe take a break from dating and enjoy the single life." She was being suggestive.

"What are you talking about? I was taking a break for half a year....you're the one who told me to get out there and now I have it's going horrible." You whined.

"I don't know what you want from me then."

"Easy for you to say, your boyfriend is perfect." She smiled at your comment. You wished you had the relationship she had. At one point you did but it ended pretty crappy.

"If you want advice on your sex life maybe you should be asking your ex." She snapped you out of your thoughts.

"Ha....no way." You got rid of the idea. "Its been 2 years, I doubt he remembers my name."

"You were dating for what 8 months? He would remember you, especially if you were horrible at love making."

"Yah....don't make me beat you." You threaten with your hand.

"I'm just saying, ask him."

"I don't want to.....it's embarrassing."

"Why? Because the last time you saw him you threw your hair brush at him." You slouched more in your chair.

Did you mention horrible breakup? Yup.

"He probably hates me....hence our breakup."

"If it makes you feel any better, the girl he left you for cheated on him."

"How do you know that?" You mocked.

"He's still friends with my boyfriend (Y/N)." She giggled.

"Tell Yongguk to get better friends."

"Stop being a grouch, I'll ask Yongguk where to meet up with him."

"No." You panicked.

"Its fine, I have a plan."

Her plan was stupid. You should of known he would hang out at the local bars. He must be desperate.

"Just pretend to bump into him and start from there....if you could find him." She looked around. The bar was a pretty big place so he could be anywhere.

"Lets get some drinks for now." You suggested.

You have been sitting at the bar for the past ten minutes completely forgetting the purpose of your visit in the first place until you heard the familiar voice a few seats next to you.

"How come I never seen you here before." You over heard a conversation.

"Its my first time." She giggled.

"No wonder, I would never forget someone so beautiful like you before." He flirted.

"Really?" He nodded.

"You smell lovely as well?"

"How many times have you used that one before?" She folder her arms.

You finally looked over and seen the back of a familiar head. There he was your ex. Youngjae. Just from your angle, you could tell he hasn't changed much in 2 years, but his hair color was different. You smirked at his lame attempt to flirt. He never was good at it, but his success right now clearly attracted a girl who wasn't so wise.

You weren't drunk but one drink was enough to make you feel relaxed and step closer to him. You sat in the bar stool next to him ready to ruin his night.

"Excuse miss, he's gay don't be fooled." You interrupted their conversation.

He looked at you surprised but turned to anger realizing it was you and turned back to the girl.

"What how could you make fun of me like that?" She sounded so offended you tried not to laugh.

"What? She's lying." He yelled after her as she paced away.

"What the fuc-"

"Nice to see you to Youngjae, long time no see." You sassed.

"What are you doing here?" He sounded annoyed.

"Just hanging out, watching horrible flirting going on?" You teased.

"It wasn't horrible, she was clearly into me."

"She was into you because of your looks not because you charmed her....You always are attracted to the dumb ones."

"Clearly." He mocked.

"Did You forget I major in education." You arched your eyebrows causing him to roll his eyes.

"What do You want beside torture my night?"

"Wow....you're The same old asshole.....I haven't seen you in 2 years and you can't even ask how I've been."

"Right sorry, how's the job going? Did you quit yet?"

"Jerk." You started to get up.

"Fine....I'm sorry....how have you been?" He pulled you back down in your seat.

"Great....you just made me realize why I was always better off without you."

"Funny.....I know things were left off pretty badly but I truly am sorry." You could tell he really meant it. "Dating has been....interesting." His lips slightly lifted. "How about you?"

"That's the reason why I'm here.....to talk to you." He looked at you with full attention. "Trust me, you're the last person I want to have this conversation with but I'm desperate."

"What?" He chuckled.

"Was I any good?" You closed your eyes to avoid his response.

"Good at What?" He didn't understand.

"You know." You raised your eyebrows.

"Sex?" You just nodded.

He looked at you amused and started to laugh.

"Its not funny....I'm serious."

"Why?"

"Ugh....when I get into a relationship, everything is perfect and I can tell they're really into me until.....we have sex and then they run and never contact me."

He started laughing uncontrollably.

"Shut up." You panicked. You hit him to get him to stop. "I'm not kidding please, I just need to know....we dated for a while and you never ran so I just want the truth."

"The truth?" He calmed down. "You suck." He flat out said it.

"What?" You didn't think that could really be it.

"I'm sorry but you were horrible and not like most men, I actually loved you for you not sex." You blushed hearing him say love. He really did love you once, even though he fell for someone else eventually.

"What am I doing wrong?"

"You were just always too stiff, you didn't know how to relax and enjoy it." You were speechless. "Why do you think I always went down on you?" You blushed once again from the visual. You miss the times you had, even though those feelings for one another were gone.

"And you were the worst at pleasuring me." He attacked you again.

"What?"

"I ask you for one hand job and you had no feelings for it, like you were asleep."

"Sorry I don't know how to jack you off." You snapped quite loudly, causing stares from around the room.

"Calm down, you wanted my opinion."

"Well my opinion is you were horrible at treating a lady."

"No offense." You quickly calmed your tone.

"Jeez (Y/N)."

"Sorry, when was your last decent date." You could tell you crossed a line. "Besides dumb girls who can't remember their address."

"When was the last time you had Sex?" You continued. "Come on Youngjae let me hear it." You mocked.

"A month." He mumbled.

"What?" You leaned in closer.

"A month, okay?"

"Wow, that's a long time." You teased once again.

"Shut up.....I just haven't been lucky like I was ten minutes ago before you ruined it."

"I could see that relationship failing before it started."

"Fine, then what's your opinion?" He asked.

"How about I teach you how to really speak to women, if you teach me how to pleasure a man the correct way." You leaned on the bar.

"You want me to teach you how to have sex without scaring away men." He said amused.

"You were the best I ever have." You weren't sure if it was true, you just knew that's what he wanted to hear.

He was thinking about your offer. "Don't you think that's a bit weird."

"If I still have feelings for you then yes, but I clearly don't so what ya think?"

"Okay fine." He held his hand out for a agreement.

You shook accepting the deal. "So when do you want the first lesson?" He asked.

"Tomorrow night? My place?"

"Sure." He got up leaving you to go back to your friend.

Was this weird?

"Whoa, big date tonight?" Your roommate stepped inside as you finished cleaning up your apartment.

"Not quite." You bit your lip nervously. "Youngjae is coming over."

"Why?" She asked confused.

"He's gonna help me with.....You know."

"Wait.....-" She was processing. "Don't tell me you're gonna sleep together."

You looked around not answering. "(Y/N) Really?"

"I have no choice." You whined.

"Good luck then, try not to fall in love with him again." She smirked as she went to her room.

"Trust me that ship sunk a while ago."

"Sure." You heard her from her room.

"You're not staying are you?" You asked moving closer to her room.

"Nope.....I'll be going to Yongguks soon."

"Okay." You said nervously. He was gonna be here soon. You talked a big game with him but now you were more nervous as ever. Why would it be awkward, it's not like you haven't done it with him before.

.....

You ordered pizza and you were waiting for both to arrive. The first knock came to your door and when you opened it, it was the pizza guy first. You shouldn't be surprised that Youngjae decided to take his time.

When that second knock finally occurred you got up slowly walking to the door nervously.

Stop it.....You mentally shouted. It was just Youngjae.

You opened the door and he turned around with his hands in his coat pocket like he was waiting a while. "Hey." He greeted.

"Hey.....I ordered pizza." You let him in.

"Cool." He smiled brightly.

You set up the pizza on the coffee table while you had Netflix playing on your tv.

"So I guess I can start." You sat down on the couch with him following. "First things first, do you really think you can meet a decent girl from an old dingy bar." You arched one eyebrow.

"Most girls would be meeting up at clubs or even lounges not old bars."

"Okay....I guess that's true." He agreed.

"And girls don't like you to approach them at first.....You need to act like you're interested but not really."

"You make no sense."

"I mean like causally hangout with your friends but then make eye contact with a girl across the room....like You're interested." He stared at you. "You have to be slow and steady.....if you aren't your only showing them you want a one night stand and be gone forever."

"You have been dating for a while."

"Shut up, you want to score or what." You took a slice of pizza. "Girls also like shy guys, it's cute."

"I thought girls like bad boys." He smirked.

"That's all bull." In some ways that could be true but all girls are different. "You couldn't pass for a bad boy anyway."

"What? I could too." He whined.

"You know what, you're right, you have always been an ass."

He glared at you. "Just continue."

"Girls who are serious about relationships, want a cute sentimental guy." He nodded in agreement.

"Then you're golden." You smiled. "But you have a lot of work to do."

"What's that suppose to mean?" He said offended. "I can be sentimental."

"Please." You sassed. "And no bringing her home on the first night.....slow and steady."

He starred at you not amused. "Don't you remember how we first met?" You laughed.

"I try to forget." He chuckled.

"Why? You were so cute." You teased.

"I spilled my coffee all over you and that's cute?" He looked at you confused.

"No but it was cute how embarrassed you were." You couldn't help but giggle from the old memory.

"And now your scaring girls away with your horrible flirting." You continued to make fun.

"Whatever.......you're scaring guys away with your lack of sexuality." He laughed back but then quickly stopped from seeing how it affected you.

"I'm sorry."

"Its true." You shrugged.

"Okay come on." He got up from the couch and held out a hand. "Let's see what I'm working with."

You grabbed his hand letting him pull you up. "You already know."

"Its been 2 years (Y/N)." He guided you to your bedroom.

He sat on the bed waiting for you to start. "Pretend we've been dating for a bit and wanted to take it to the next level."

He glanced at you with a needy expression. You forgot how attractive Youngjae was. You couldn't argue that he was the most handsome boyfriend you have had yet. Even your mother was taken back when she first met him. She was probably more torn then you that you sadly split.

He was actually causing butterflies in your stomach from the way he was looking at you. "What are You waiting for." He broke your train of thought.

"I don't know what I'm doing clearly." You confessed.

"You want me to take the lead?" He asked.

"Usually the guys do." You shrugged.

He got up and started walking towards you. You backed up until your back hit your door. "Do you always pull the shy act?"

"Yup, that's exactly what I'm doing." You lied. You were generally nervous.

He pressed his hand near the outside of your head leaning against you. He looked you up and down tracing his hand down your figure until he placed it softly on your hip. "Remember what I told you....relax....guys won't go further if you're too nervous.....it makes them believe you're uncomfortable."

"Are you uncomfortable?" He continued to ask.

"Maybe a little since it's you."

"Shhh....It's not me-" He smiled. "I'm someone else."

You laughed relaxing a bit. "Okay....I'm relaxed." And you were.

"Here." He took your hands and placed them on his belt. "This drives us nuts." He smirked. He gestured you to pull him closer with his belt.

He moved his hand down to caress your cheek as he brought his lips towards yours. The kiss was the same feeling you remembered. He took your breath away the same as he did before. You felt his hips align with yours causing heavy friction.

He went on to the next step and picked you up and carried you to your bed where he placed you down gently. He stopped for a moment and smiled. "Make sure you sound like you're enjoying yourself."

"How do you mean?"

"Like smile and laugh....act like your having fun, not forced."

He was right, to some people sex was serious and you felt like that was boring. Youngjae told you to not be afraid to show your true personality in the bed room. If you're a fun, humorous person then that should be the side you showed. And in this very case Youngjae was very much that so he wanted you to enjoy it.

"If your guy is being slow and considerate, it means he's observing how you react....they don't want to come off as pushy....so its up to you to pick up the pace."

"And what should I do?" You waited patiently on the bed watching him hover over you.

"Give him a strip tease or something."

You giggled from underneath him. He leaned down kissing your neck by surprise. "Your stiffing up again." He mumbled against your skin.

"I'm sorry, I just wasn't expecting that." You felt the pleasure from your stomach strike you again. When you agreed to this, you weren't expecting Youngjae to have an affect on you like old times. But he was and it scared you. Was your roommate right about those feelings coming back? For starters you couldn't let that happen, no matter what.

You felt yourself already damp inside your panties but he wasn't showing any sign of excitement since his body was aligned with yours.

He moved his lips back up to your lips, causing more surprise but you didn't hesitate to respond. His wandering hands were feeling up and down your torso giving you shivers throughout your body.

"You know what would really drive them crazy." He stopped.

"What?" You were curious.

He flipped you over so you were sitting on top, straddling his hips. "If you took control."

"This is a first."

He laughed as he put his hands behind his head resting. "You need to move." You stared at him confused. "Like dry hump." He whispered not wanting it to be obvious.

"You're making this weird." You whined.

"How am I making it weird.....I'm being honest." He confessed.

"I don't like taking control."

"Do you want my help or not?" He leaned up on his elbows.

You groaned as you pushed his head back to lay back down. You leaned down kissing him once again as you did what he asked and rocked your hips back and fourth stirring up the friction that was necessary. You felt like it wasn't doing much at first until you heard a soft moan escaping from his lips.

You stopped in your tracks looking at him. He had his eyes closed at first until he noticed the missing action in your presence. "Am I'm doing it right?" You smirked.

"Y-yeah....very good." He bit his lip.

You went back down and continued kissing his lips, then moved to the outside of his jaw. He was mesmerize by your touch. You felt extremely excited when you felt the hardness underneath you. You were affecting him and it felt great.

You leaned up once again and continued rocking your hips against his. You could feel him growing more against you and by the look of his face, he was showing weakness. His soft moans woken more butterflies inside your stomach.

You stopped as he opened his eyes with your attention on his. "Condom?" You asked.

"My back pocket."

You dug around getting the small foil packet. "Before we get to that, you still need to start stripping." He smirked.

You did as was told and took off your shirt revealing your black lace bra. You helped him with his own shirt starting a pile on the floor. As it came down to just you both in your underwear, you grabbed the packet once again, tearing it open.

"Do I put it on or you?"

"I think you should." You arched your eyebrows at him unamused. "This counts as pleasuring them."

"Yeah, yeah." You pursed your lips.

It's not like it was the first time for you anyway, especially with him, it was just a long time.

You rolled down his boxers, exposing him completely. You couldn't believe you caused him to swell already. You rolled down the condom perfectly and took off your own panties and lift yourself in ready mode. You sunk down on top of him, groaning from the sting. You were super tight.

"Relax and just go with it." He noticed your stiffness again. You couldn't help it honestly. He held onto your hips, helping you move against him. You have never been on top before, even all the times you were dating Youngjae. You felt the movements slid more easy since you loosened up a bit. You felt the pleasure stirring up fast and it was incredible. The best you felt in a long time.

You pushed your hair to the side as you leaned down to bring your lips to his once again.

You already felt tired from all the action that you had to pull up to catch your breath. "Don't be afraid to be vocal as well." You were holding back a bit.

You stopped over thinking it and started to unwind. You picked up the pace leaning back. Youngjae was there every step of the way guiding you. "Also don't fake an orgasm."

You giggled lifting your head back up to look at him. You couldn't help but blush from the way he looked in this state. It was making you get closer to your climax. Before you could process what was going on he flipped you over so he was back on top. You couldn't tell if he was still in teacher mode or he was enjoying it himself.

He pinned your leg against the bed to get a better angle. The movements had you moan uncontrollably that he had an amused smirk visible on his face. You felt the tingling sensation rise throughout your body, causing the numbness in your toes. You grabbed the pillow behind your head as the feeling went through you. This was a new feeling for you. You never had an orgasm as strong as this one. It was incredible.

Youngjae started to move against you sloppy. He paused for a moment as you felt him release inside you. He smiled above you as he tried to catch his breath. He moved a couple more times until he collapsed on the bed next to you.

"How'd I do?" Your voice was still tired.

"Very good." He laughed. "But you still need some work."

"Really? On What?"

"You being all shy in the beginning needs to change."

"Right." You agreed. "When's the next lesson?"

"I have to work tomorrow, how about Sunday?" He turned to you.

You felt your heart flutter. He was so cute.

Oh no.

[punchmedanny]

This is really stupid and a waste of your time, but I really needed to write this and get it off my chest. To set the scene, I'm going into my freshman year of high school. In 8th grade, I was part of a group of about 8 friends (half guys, half gals). For the purposes of this story, you need to know that K, C, W, and I are female, and L is male. K and L dated for a while till the end of 8th grade. K, C, W, and I created a smaller, closer group called KCWC (later renamed KCEC) and we are (1/19)

all super close. However, K and C are best friends, and W and I are best friends. I met W in 6th grade, but we didn't become friends until 7th grade, but we got super close. Shortly after we became friends, I (at least I think it was me, I don't really remember that well) said that we were Wifeys (hence her being called W). Ever since, we have called eachother Wifey almost every time we see eachother. Last year, in like November, she told me that she's bi. At the time, I didn't really(2/19)

know what that was, so I was kind of like "whatever". Anyway, I learned a lot about it because of her, and it opened my mind to the fact that I don't have to be either gay or straight. In Febuary, I realized that I had a crush on a girl at my school. I shortly discovered that I'm either bi or pan. W was the first person I told for a while. (K recently discovered that she's pan, but that's another story) I've never dated anyone, but W dated a few girls and guys during 8th grade. W is (3/19)

naturally a touchy/physical person, but I'm very reserved and don't like any unsolicited touching. W is the one person who I like to, even feel comfort when I, hold hands (fingers entwined), hug for a long time, and cuddle with her. Every day before, during, and after lunch, we had a routine that involved us waiting for eachother, having our arms around eachother, holding hands a lot, touching eachother a lot, and just a lot of being together. Also, before school, C and I had a routine (4/19)

where we would go to class, put our books down, then go meet W at her locker, and after school our whole friend group would meet and W and I would hug more. (We didn't have any classes together so I could only see her then) Every day, I got more comfortable around her, and we started calling eachother late into the night (I don't have and iPhone, so I couldn't facetime) and she is the only person I actually called. We shared secrets and promises, and we talked and laughed for hours. (5/19)

secrets, and promises, and we talked and laughed for hours. The KCWC group was all in honors chorus, so. naturally, when we went on an overnight field trip to Hershey Park for a competition, we all roomed together. K and C sat together on the coach bus and W made me promise that I would sit with her on the bus. So I did, and all 4 of us had fun (since we were sitting across from eachother) the whole trip. In the hotel room, W and I shared a bed and C and K shared a bed. We were holding (6/20)

hands in bed and K and C said they act like roommates and W and I act like an old married couple (because we were playfully bickering among other stuff) After our completion that night, we had to watch the band complete, so, ofc, W and I sat next to eachother, and since we were tired, leaned out heads on eachother the whole time (not at all unusual for us though). That night in the hotel was the best night I've ever had. We stayed up wayyy too late playing truth or truth, a game like (7/20)

apples to apples, throwing pillows at eachother (and a lamp), impersonations, and generally just having fun. Before going to sleep W told me that she had a history of cuddling/randomly draping her limbs over people when she sleeps. Also, C was warm, so she turned up the AC. I'm almost always cold, so I woke up in the middle of the night because I was cold onl to find that W and I were spooning (I was the little spoon). (Before I fell asleep, I noticed that she was facing me and I (8/20)

purposely turned away rather than in so we could ~maybe~ cuddle (clue one)) In an effort to make myself warmer, I cuddled closer to her. Early in the morning, K and C tried to wake W and me up many times, but we kept going back to sleep, still cuddling. Also, the night before, K and C bet that they'd wake up and see W and me cuddling in the morning (a lot of people either ship W and me together or think we're dating) Also, I'm pretty sure that later, W said that she kept cuddling with me (9/20)

on purpose. (Keep in mind that she's the only person that I've ever cuddled or held hands with) The next day we actually went to Hershey Park, where I got W and C to finally like roller coasters. We (KCWC) all made lots of inside jokes and that day was so fun. We group- hopped eventually, and we ended up in a larger group. We were walking around the park, so W and I were holding hands (it's a big habit), K and L were holding hands (at the time they were still dating), three girls were (10/20)

all platonically holding hands with eachother, and C was skipping alone by herself (she was fine). We walked past Ms. A, my chorus teacher, who is usually the absolute best and we all love, started lecturing us on how we can't hold hands because it's "PDA" and we're not in high school yet. She also looked directly at W and me when she said that she doesn't care if it's a guy and a girl, a guy and a guy or a girl and a girl. We were all shocked because it was so uncharacteristic of Ms. A(11/20)

but we let go and muttered an "ok" before walking away. W and I still held hands walking around after that, but I was wary. On the long bus ride back to the school from Hershey right after we left the park, W was acting high and drunk at the same time, but I know for a fact she wasn't either, so I was very worried about her, so she went to the back to get some medicine from Ms. A and didn't come back till the very end, and she still was way off her game, which made me very worried and sad(12/20)

Shortly before school ended, another girl, R (who all of KCWC now dislike), tried to force things with W, and became obsessed with shoving the fact that she was holding hands with (among other stuff) W and they were now "hubbys". W seemed to feel the same way, so I got veryyy jealous because I thought that I was the only one who was uncomfortable with R around. She started to push me out and I grew more distant because I felt isolated (I have very low self esteem, especiallyyyyy about my (13/20)

social skills) and I began to worry that they all actually hated me because they thought I was as annoying as I thought R was. (I know now that's not true, after the reassurance and actions of my friends, but it was a very possible and major thing in my mind then). I had just begun to feel comfortable and happy when R started messing things up and "stealing" W. The KCWC group finally had a sleepover a few weeks before school ended (this was the first time W and I had hung out outside of (14/20)

school besides friends' bday parties because all our plans fell through), and we stayed up late ranting, throwing empty soda bottles, watching movies, playing games, etc. but we also talked about R. I can't express how relieved I felt that W felt as uncomfortable with R as I did. After that, things slowly went back to normal, though R still tried to butt in time-to-time. My friend group likes to go hang out at a local beach since a couple of us can even walk, but I was too anxious, (15/20)

awkward, and introverted to go before this year. It's kind of a tradition that on the day after school ends, a ton of people from our school go there to hang out with friends. Unfortunately, that was the last day before W moved to Texas (I live on the east coast), and she had to leave early. I still go tp the beach with the others in the friend group, but I feel much more anxious and I'm always a third, fourth, or even fifth wheel, which I never was when W was around. We still text a lot(16/20)

saying we love and miss eachother. I can't even think of her without smiling. A few days ago I opened my yearbook (in which she wrote multiple paragraphs in), played a song that reminds me of her, and wrote down a list of what I love about her before I had to stop since I was crying too hard. We also facetime rarely, since our schedules don't match up. I miss her so much and I was really counting on being able to go to high school with her. My other best friend is in another friend group (17/20)

in which I'm not comfortable with at all. I finally felt fully happy, comfortable, and not anxious when around my friends, but then she moved and it all came crashing down. Now I'm in fear (as always) that my other friends will finally realize that I'm not good enough to be their friend or worthy of their time and they'll dump me as soon as they find someone better. K and C often hang out without me and don't even think about inviting me. I'm worried I won't have any friends in high (18/20)

in which I'm not comfortable with at all. I finally felt fully happy, comfortable, and not anxious when around my friends, but then she moved and it all came crashing down. Now I'm in fear (as always) that my other friends will finally realize that I'm not good enough to be their friend or worthy of their time and they'll dump me as soon as they find someone better. K and C often hang out without me and don't even think about inviting me. I'm worried I won't have any friends in high (18/20)

school. In my friend group, I'm the fattest and the rest of KCWC are very skinny/fit. I'm extremely self-conscious about this fact and W was the one person who I felt genuinely liked me despite all my quirks and I didn't feel insecure around her.  I have a history of not understanding my feelings (or not even realizing that they're there) and W is no different. Last week when we were at the beach, K privately asked if I had lied when W and I both answered no to the "have you ever liked (19/20)

eachother" question. I immediately said no, then K said that W had told her that W lied (she used to like me) but she didn't like me anymore. Since then, I've realized and come to terms with the fact that I've liked her for months, and I still really like her. (I'm not sure like is the right word, but I can't decide what it would be otherwise) I just realized that I've been very jealous of all of her boyfriends and girlfriends and I've been very protective of her. I honestly have no idea(20/21)

[END QUESTION]

Okay, to begin with, thank you anon for being patient with me as it’s taken me several days for me to be in the right headspace to answer this!

So, starting high school is such a hard time in everyone’s life. Like, literally everyone. No matter how popular or pretty or talented or whatever they are. From a biological perspective, people’s body’s don’t make as much serotonin (aka the happy chemical) at that age as they do when people are older, so that doesn’t help anyone. I’m so sorry W moved - it sounds like you two were such cute and fun pair. It’s so nice you’ve been able to keep in touch as much as you’ve been able to and, who knows, you both might really appreciate being able to have a trustworthy outside perspective for things in your life as the school year starts.

For me personally, I made entirely new friends from 8th grade to high school. People tend to change quite a bit around then just because it’s a whole new chapter of your life and hs tends to bring a whole lot of different opportunities and challenges than what comes before it. So, while it’s so, so hard having turbulence with your friend group, that’s very normal and has nothing to do with you specifically. The fact that W left definitely changed the dynamic, but there’s a good chance it would’ve changed anyway… maybe just not as soon.

It’s good to go into high school with friends, but don’t feel obligated to stay as close to them as you were just because they’re who you already know. My hs had a lot more clubs and activities than jr high/middle school, so I’m guessing yours does, too. I was in theatre and art club then later speech and debate and that’s where I made all my friends, many of which were people I’d never even talked to before.

I’m sure you’ve heard people say hs is “the best time of your life” and I seriously question the lives of the people saying that. I’m not going to lie - I personally hated everything about hs except theatre and speech & debate and the awesome friends I made there. And like, not to be boring, but like study and stuff. Seriously, working hard on something that can help future you and give you a sense of accomplishment will probably help you feel better about yourself and is one of the few things you can control when relationships are in flux.

So, (in summary) I’d say don’t feel like any of what’s happening is your fault - it’s extremely normal for the time of your life in. Maintain the friendships you have now, but also get involved in something that interests you and meet new people who like the same thing. I hope this helps a bit

And btw, not a waste of my time in the slightest

My asks are always open if you (or anyone else) wants to talk

[dark-unimaginably-stupid-kids]

December

Another drabble. This one is....more cathartic? So lets start with a big ol’ Authors Note:

So it’s come to my attention that the way I met my ex was very /Keith/ like and as such, I’ve come to notice a few more parallels SO....

The following is pretty much how it happened. Well, sans the express mentions of Keith sleeping with Regris and Lance sleeping with Jenny. But ya know. I had to stop eventually. I also didn’t get to fit in the rune readings or the making out in the car and bs-ed a couple things to make them more Lance and Keith--

And ya know, Lance would just be a better man. Sorry not sorry.

If you’re reading this Bright Eyes: why haven’t you deleted me yet? Like you have absolutely no business still following my writing. I’d block you if I wasn’t just morbidly amused by how long you must have to scroll to get through my gay boys, kthnx.

Also, Idk, I guess Keith handled his liquor better than I did.

@meli-reads-all Look I DID IT. We can do fighting for spots later, and maybe I’ll make some ridiculous little short about the blue eyed one too cause /fuck/ my ridiculous Keith-like meet cutes/background stories.

Anywho.

Klance. College AU I guess.

Drinking and smoking (Keith is an alcoholic because I am an alcoholic. -finger guns-)

Keith gets dragged out of his house under the promise of vodka. Ends up opening the door to a boy he really should have been nicer to because wow is Lance everything he ever wanted.

3.9k words

----

The first red flag of the night should have been Jenny’s pushiness. Keith had only hung out with her one time since they’d “become friends” in middle school and now they were taking two classes a semester at the local Uni (if any) and occasionally waved at each other in the hallways.

Hell, Keith hadn’t even done that in months given the shit time he’d had at school and his absolute lack of a desire to pursue any kind of degree.

He’d taken the fall semester off and was still mentally wording the letter to Shiro in his head about how he was going to drop out when Jenny had blown up his phone.

“You’re just being a hermit aren’t you!? Get dressed! I’m coming over!”

Keith eyed the texts and rolled his eyes. He glanced down at himself in his lose Spiderman top and his boxers and shrugged. He was plenty dressed.

“I’m bringing a friend!”

God damn it.

To hang out with an annoying girl he’d technically known for years? Pj top and boxers were fine.

To hang out with said girl and a total stranger?

Fuck.

Okay.

Pants then.

She lived nearby, so he dragged himself out of bed, paused his binge watch of the day (season 8 of Criminal Minds. It had been a while since he’d gone to catch up. They already had ten seasons on Netflix. It was gonna be a nice weekend if Jenny would just leave him alone.)

But then she was there.

Shaybon or whatever her stupid name was.

Keith’s roommate Pidge was out for the day, but she’d left the living room in a bit of a state so while Jenny made herself at home and introduced her friend, Keith tidied up.

Not that he cared about a strangers opinion of his home, but because he didn’t like strangers and it was better to focus on other things while people introduced themselves. The strangers name was Regris. Tall, dark, acceptable.

He watched Keith clean and smirked a lot. Like it amused him.

Keith didn’t really care. He hadn’t planned to entertain, he hadn’t wanted to. Jenny was being a fucking pain springing this on him.

Of course, she was vaguely well meaning? During that one outing they’d been on which was only about a month ago, Jenny had told Keith all about how she’d moved in with her boyfriend only for him to dump her and disappear to go fuck his ex on the same night. Keith had offered her some solidarity in that he was also recently heartbroken.

Though, a fuck buddy who was more buddy than fuck who suddenly decided to drop you for no apparent reason, was slightly lower priority than an actual live in boyfriend; it still hurt and Keith could still vaguely sympathize.

Hell, there was a reason he was binge watching Criminal Minds and wanted to be alone.

He missed Rolo, but what was he going to do? First Rolo didn’t want to fuck anymore, then he didn’t want to be friends, go figure, shit happens.

He’d been fun. And he’d helped Keith get out of his shell for a time. And he’d been comfortable and they always seemed to be on the same page. But you know.

Shit.

Keith had started developing feelings, as it happens when you actually enjoy someone’s presence who you’re also attracted to and have decent chemistry. He’d told Rolo, but he’d tried to explain the friendship mattered more. Keith loved the feeling of being alive far more than he even remotely liked Rolo in that way. And that was what Rolo gave him just by cracking a joke and making a room full of people keel over in laughter.

Rooms full of people.

Pleasant, fun things.

No one whispering no one judging.

Everyone was weird and at their own pace.

Keith missed it all so terribly.

But now all he has was fucking Jenny.

He went into his fridge, took out two beers and sat down at the kitchen table when he’d finished cleaning. Regris eyed the beer as if one was for him but Keith simply rolled his eyes. He opened the first one and downed it, then promptly opened the second one and turned to Jenny.

“So. What are we supposed to do now? Did you come here with a plan or are you two just going to watch Criminal Minds with me?”

It was Jenny’s turn to roll her eyes and she did so with a flourish to her friend. Regris in turn glanced at his phone and shrugged, “Well my friend is having a get together. Not far.”

Keith nodded, took a gulp of his beer, “Great, you two have fun.”

“Oh come on Keith! Don’t be that way!”

Keith stared at Jenny, took another swig, and waited.

Jenny eyed the bottle and finally came up with something that actually interested Keith. She knew this because Keith had made very clear what he’d been doing to cope since the loss of his university family. He was making it very clear now, bottle in hand.

And rather than attempt to dissuade him, she enabled him, “Regris, Thace has alcohol right?”

Keith’s eyebrow arched but he said nothing. Regris laughed, “Uh, yeah? Of course?”

“Probably more beer right?” Keith grumbled, he was almost done with the second bottle now and it was pretty gross. He didn’t like beer, but he’d finished the sweeter drinks earlier and these were left overs from when he used to have friends over, people who wanted to hang out with him and Rolo anyway.

“Well. There will be beer, yeah. But Thace is more of whiskey drinker.”

Keith thought about it. Whiskey had specific side effects in him. Best to avoid around generally attractive men. He was about to open his mouth to say he’d still prefer to pass when Jenny shot up, “Vodka! Tell him there will be vodka!”

Ah yes, because Keith had been drinking when he’d told her the story and she remembered what he’d ordered.

Regris seemed a bit surprised but shrugged it off, “Yeah? Of course he has vodka.”

Keith sighed and turned his attention from Jenny to Regris, “And I’ll be allowed to drink, this vodka, right?”

He scoffed, “Once you’re in the house all the booze is fair game. Thace is cool that way.”

Keith gave himself another moment to assess, considered the fact he’d finished his last bottle and was actually quietly craving the stuff. He also considered how Jenny would never let him hear the end of it if he said no.

“…Alright. But only for the vodka.”

Jenny practically bounced out of her seat and Regris shrugged, “Cool, I’m gonna take a smoke and we’ll head out then.”

Keith watched Regris step onto the porch, cigarette and lighter in hand, and turned back to Jenny, “This your rebound or something?”

The girl looked surprised and waved her hand, “Oh no. Reg and I have been friends for years. But he did say his friend Lo was gonna be there tonight and he might be juuuust my type.”

Keith stared at her for a long moment, sure to be as openly judgmental as possible, but she took it with a proud smile, “Don’t be jealous, maybe we’ll find you a distraction too!”

“Don’t count on it.”

---

Keith was in the middle of pouring his second mixed drink when someone knocked. Jenny was in the backyard, floating around and making friends. Regris was playing pool with Thace—who was a decent enough guy even if he did keep his absolutely beautiful darling huskie locked in the kitchen.

Honestly, Keith preferred the company of the dog.

He just didn’t have it in him to socialize with these people anymore. He wanted to drink and go home and not be in his mind by he time he went to sleep.

He finished a cherry liquor before he realized someone was knocking and sadly put his cup down. He turned and popped his head outside. Thace was sitting, waiting for his turn and chatting with two girls.

“Thace, someone’s here,” Keith said bluntly.

Thace didn’t even look up, “Cool, that’s probably him now,” He said to the girls, then he spoke louder for Keith, “Go open it.”

Keith stood there, “…It’s not my house.”

“So? It’s my friend, go open it?”

Keith could hear Jenny perk up from behind the pool table, “Is it Lo?”

Regris replied to her, clarifying that Lo was still very much on the other side of town.

“Then who is it?” Jenny pressed.

Thace chuckled, “We’ll know once Keith gets the door. Go on.”

Keith still didn’t move, “…It’s not my house. Who goes around strangers houses and opens doors to total—what?!”

“Just get it, it’s probably—” Thace was speaking to the nameless girls again and Jenny chose just then to laugh loudly at Keith’s antics.

With a disgruntled puff Keith turned back into the house, picked up his discarded vodka-cherry-who-remembers-what-else and sipped at it while he made his way to the door just as the questionable someone knocked again.

Keith held the cup with his teeth and fought with the door locks for a second before, by some miracle, finally managing to turn them the right way and pulling the door loose.

“Hey—” Started the stranger.

Keith took the cup out of his mouth and gave the guy at the door a once over, cup in hand and general annoyance rumbling into his generally poor attitude, he looked the stranger dead in his decidedly pretty blue eyes and with his own half lidded in boredom said, “And who the fuck are you supposed to be?”

It was almost comical, if Keith had been paying attention to the social cues. Because the man’s eyes widened and his jaw slackened but there was still the barest hint of an amused smile on his face.

“U-Uh… Leandro?”

“Leo?”

“Lee- Leandro—”

“Alejandro?”

“N-No, my name is—”

“I don’t care.”

Keith turned around and walked straight back the way he’d come, cup back to his lips, “Everyone’s outside I guess.” He said mostly to no one, maybe somewhat to the new guy.

When he made it to the sliding glass door again he announced to the group of strangers who were eagerly awaiting the arrival of their friend, “Some.. Alex or whatever is here.”

“It’s—”

Keith heard him stumble out again but Thace had beamed instead, “Lance! Glad you could make it!”

Keith blinked at the name, considered it, and shrugged. Lance actually wasn’t a bad name. Didn’t sound anything like Alejandro though. How’d that happen.

Oh well.

He went to his corner at the far end of the yard and decided to start nursing his drink. (Though by now, this was probably a bit late)

Especially when Jenny came and joined him, still on her first drink and already bumbling, “man you really do drink don’t you?”

Keith said nothing. She put her cup down in front of him and asked if he wanted to finish it for her. She’d made it too strong. He tried it an agreed, her being a lightweight, this wasn’t going to work out.

They traded drinks.

“So Lance is pretty cute isn’t he?” Jenny started, nudging Keith in the side on his lawn chair.

He glanced across the yard where Lance had joined on the pool game, and this time Keith really looked at him.

“I guess.” Keith mumbled. He was tan, and broad shouldered, and he had a nice smile and kind eyes. He was… almost too good. “He’s the kind of hot who probably knows it and so doesn’t actually expend any effort in meeting people.”

Jenny nudged him harder, some friendly kind of reprimand, “Oh come on Keith, don’t be like that. You’re telling me you’re not into him?”

Keith glanced at him again, watched him turn to face Regris, laugh at a joke.

“I’m not saying that.”

Because he absolutely was not saying that.

But.

“But it’s not like it matters. It’s not like he’d be into me even if I was inclined to wandering into that kind of hell again. It’s cool.”

She pouted her pretty pink lips and Keith rolled his eyes for the hundredth time that night, “Jen. How about you cut to the chase. Lo’s gonna be a no show so you want to go flirt with him. Go, it’s not like I called dibs or anything.”

Her pout stretched into a smile and she clapped him on the back, “Oh, you do know me don’t you!”

Within moments she had taken up residence on a bench beside Lance as he continued to stare straight ahead, probably watching the balls roll across the felt. Keith did too anyway, from the opposite side of the table.

Keith finished her drink without realizing and noticed she’d never even taken his.

His tasted better.

He finished that one too.

At some point during the evening someone very tall came in and took Lance’s spot in the game and Jenny’s attention.

Ah, the elusive Lo, Keith thought to himself, eyeing the guy who’d come in.

Now, Lo was also attractive, but somehow had thrown off less of a…presence.

It was strange.

But then, Keith was drunk.

So what did it matter?

He caught Lance’s eye across the table, noticed how the dark blue t-shirt was just a little tight on his shoulders and made Keith want to walk over and shove his face into the mans chest.

Ridiculous.

Drunk.

Had Jenny’s cup had whiskey? That would have been a problem.

Lance pat his hand down on the empty bench space beside him and nodded to Keith. Keith blinked at him, then at his two empty cups, then at his imaginary impulse control, and decided, “…why not.”

He stood up, probably a little shakily if he was honest, and wandered over to Lance before slumping into the seat he’d been offered, “Hey.”

“Hey.”

It was quiet save for the strangers talking and the snapping of a pool stick against ceramic.

“So your friend Jenny was telling me about you,” Lance started with a little bit of a smile. Something Keith had already seen plenty of so he was aware of the restraint in the expression.

“Was she now?”

“Yeah.”

“And yet you still asked me to sit with you.”

“Oh did I do that?”

“Oh did I read that wrong?”

“No.”

Keith didn’t miss a beat, “Then own it.”

Lance grinned, a severe degree less restraint in the show of teeth, “I wanted you to sit with me.”

“Cool.”

“Cool.”

Jenny came by, particularly chipper as things seemed to be going well with Lo who was standing to the side chatting with Thace and Regris while a few of the still unnamed strangers had separated into other groups around the yard.

“Do you smoke Lance?” Jenny asked. “I know Keith doesn’t so—”

Lance made a funny croaking noise, like Jenny had just made a bad joke and he was trying to humor her, “No. No. That’s just Reg.”

Keith decided to keep the little mental fanfare from playing in his face. He’d never kissed someone who smoked cigarettes, but he didn’t like the smell and wasn’t inclined to it.

Jenny was about to say something, tapping a pen on Lance’s shoulder (godddd those shoulders) when Regris and the other two vaguely named strangers called her over.

“I didn’t mean—Oh alright, you two keep talking, I’ll leave you alone.” She smiled and ran off to the other side of the yard with the guys.

She’d dropped her pen onto Lance’s lap.

Keith eyed it and before looking up at Lance who shrugged and was about to reach for it, put it on one of the tiny tables on either side of them, when Keith’s hand shout out first.

With the pen now at his disposal, he pulled off the cap with his teeth and grabbed Lance’s arm with his free hand, “I feel like drawing.”

That awkward amused grin was back on Lance’s face and Keith had no idea how to describe how that stupid smile, when registered for what it really was, did ridiculous things to his heart.

“You like to draw?” Lance offered.

Keith made a non-committal noise and started to pen little stars around the freckles on his arm.

“He loves it!” Jenny announced, running back over while the guys started to wander into the house. Neither Keith nor Lance seemed to notice or care that the yard was slowly emptying.

Keith was more distracted by the fingers lightly laying on his thigh as he drew down the man’s arm. Probably would have cared about the fact she was outing him like that otherwise.

“Here, I have a blue one too.” She grinned, “In case he wants an option.” She offered another pen to Lance who smiled good naturedly at her but otherwise didn’t move much for fear of disturbing the little doodle artist.

It was a few minutes later that Keith raised his head from his makeshift canvas and realized most of the yard was empty.

“Where is everyone?”

Lance looked just passed Keith’s head and let out a long slightly high pitched noise, “I… have no idea.”

“Should we go find them?”

“Do you want to?”

“…Not really.”

Lance huffed out a laugh through his nose and raised his hand up toward the yard light, just to see what Keith had drawn.

“Nice. Like a tattoo.”

“The crappiest pen tattoo. Yup.”

“Your turn?”

Keith blinked at him, then at the pen in Lance’s other hand and laughed outright, “Oh. You want to draw on me now?”

Lance arched an eyebrow, (a very nicely formed eyebrow too. But there was no way this guy went out and got them done, right?) “Well it’s only fair isn’t it?”

Keith scrunched up his face and looked thoughtfully up at the yard awning above their heads that was blocking the night sky from view.

“Who said I wanted to be fair.”

Lance laughed again and it made Keith wither in his seat a little, made him want to be compliant. Made him want to make the other happy.

Too much to drink. Probably. For sure. Right?

“Well!” Lance chuckled, “How about I only draw a little, and you can keep working on mine?”

Keith would have said yes regardless, so he offered Lance his hand, “Have at it.”

Lance drew stars too. Equipped with swirls of space dust and crude little ringed planets.

Keith added detail to his night sky, shading and adjusting the “sketch” here and there. Lance giggled occasionally, the pen apparently tickling his skin. Keith wasn’t ticklish, but he did like the way Lance’s palm pressed against his arm as he drew.

When they did eventually walk through the house in search of the rest of the party they didn’t find them. They went out to the front yard, to see if the cars were there, but all vehicles were accounted for.

Keith wasn’t sure what was going on, but Lance pieced it together when he noticed one of the cars had very dull music playing. The window tint made it difficult to see in the dark, but there were definitely people inside.

“That kind of smoking. Damn.” Lance scoffed, motioning toward the car.

Keith finally noticed it then and realized quite suddenly what Jenny had said earlier, “…She thinks I don’t smoke?”

Lance blinked at him. Keith blinked back and then offered him an awkward laugh, “You can forget I said that.”

“Sure.”

“So now what?”

Lance glanced at the packed car, shrugged his shoulder and then motioned for a car parked across the street, “Wanna listen to music?”

“Sure.”

Keith would later try to blame the alcohol for what happened next. When Lance took his hand and pulled him across the street, reaching into his pocket for his car keys. Lance didn’t get the chance to pull them out because Keith had tugged on his hand and turned him around to face him.

Keith stepped forward and Lance stepped back until his own car blocked him in.

Keith wrapped his arms around Lance’s neck, waiting for some kind of confirmation.

He got it in the form of Lance’s arms around his waist and a smile that was so very soft.

Hopeful.

An expression Keith remembered having worn himself, on occasion.

He probably wore it now.

Lance’s eyes were very pretty.

Calming.

Safe.

Lance was a stranger but somehow he was also… home.

These arms kept him stable, covered in little ink stars to match the ones on Keith’s own skin.

When he kissed Lance that night he’d blame it on the alcohol. He’d tell himself it was a one time thing. No big deal.

It wasn’t like Lance’s lips were the softest things he’d ever felt and that his warmth didn’t envelop him and take him somewhere so far away his problems felt so small. It wasn’t like standing there against the little blue sedan in the middle of the night was the closest Keith had ever been to whole.

He’ll tell himself, when they crawl into the car together and end up do nothing more than holding hands and listening to music and telling each other little anecdotes, that it meant nothing.

He’ll tell himself for weeks that he’d been an idiot to type his number into Lance’s phone, that Lance would get tired of him and that it just wouldn’t work out.

He’ll tell himself for months, when he has Lance in his arms almost nightly, that it’s not love.

It’s not love. It’s not love.

He’s not stupid enough to put himself through that again. No.

When Lance tells him how important he is, how special, how…

“God, Kitten, I knew you were mine the moment I saw you.”

It’s not…

“You’re joking right?”

“Okay, you’re right, my first thought was, “who the fuck am I? who the fuck are YOU?” But somewhere between you being a giant psycho and you telling everyone the wrong name I decided. This one. This one is definitely mine.”

“…”

“With your greasy mullet and your pajama top and your attitude.”

“…”

“Definitely all mine.”

Fuck.

“I think…”

“Yeah, Keith?”

“…I think it’s your turn to pick the show tonight.”

“Sure.”

....

.... .... ....

.... .... .... .... ....

When Keith does say he loves him it’s two cups in, Jenny’s number blowing up Lance’s phone, and from the comfort of Lance’s lap.

After the first half a dozen times he says it Lance kisses him so hard he can’t catch his breath. But he still says it hundreds of times that night. Desperate. Because the words really aren’t enough to convey what Lance really does to him. He cries the words against Lance’s lips time and time again. Says them into his neck when he’s buried his face there, trying to breath him in. Says them against his chest as if the closer proximity to his heart will mean something.

He says the stupid word so much it starts to sound synonymous to Lance’s name.

Lance doesn’t say them back.

Keith tells himself it’s because Lance is afraid of the same things he was. He’s afraid to feel things as strongly as Keith let himself that night. He tells himself that. Lance pursued him. Lance chose him. Lance wanted him.

Lance wouldn’t kiss him like that, hold him like that, make him feel like that if it didn’t mean something in the end.

That’s what he tells himself.

He doesn’t need the words. Because Lance’s actions speak for themselves.

And maybe this is the reality where Keith gets to be right.

And maybe this is the reality Jenny was just a being a good friend.

[coffeeorbust913]

So I get to college...I'm this supposed college athlete with a bum shoulder, never had sex, whose only friends are family or live forever away from him. Still not sure what to make of my sexuality. I ride into college scared to death because I'm moving into a dorm, albeit only an hour away but still. I quickly felt like I belonged as I was befriended by my roommate and a couple guys down the hall. They were cool but I was totally uncomfortable around them. I was afraid that any scent of gayness they could smell like chum in shark infested waters. Within the first month of school they stopped inviting me to play video games and parties. There it was again. What did I say or do to make these guys feel some way about me? Girls on the other hand seemed to get along with me better which is odd because most of my friends growing up were male. I got really close with one girl, Sara (not actual name). We hung out daily. She was this this softball hottie. Long dark hair, pretty smile and bubbly personality. Unsurprisingly one of the only straight girls on the team. She was a blast to be around.

Rumors began to fly. People thought we were fucking. While she was hot there was no sexual attraction for either of us, but I didn't mind the attention because I wasn't being questioned as "gay" or "queer". Within a few months of school starting I had opportunities to hook up but never went for it. This was mainly because I was convinced I wasn't losing my virginity to a total stranger. One drunk cheerleader called other people's phones looking for me. She was going around the dorm shouting my legal name because she wanted me to "spend the night with her" and she claimed I had promised to fuck her. "OH, HELL NO!" I honestly never did so but it was a running joke for a while amongst some baseball, football, and basketball players on my floor. I was harassed daily and she wouldn't make eye contact with me for a while. Again, attention I didn't mind because a girl wanted me but this was a big girl. Pretty but not my type. Also, she reminded me of Shawna Easton from "Love and Basketball". Big ass titties but was throwing herself at me. I didn't want to lose it that way. Some desperate, horny cheerleader who I wasn't remotely attracted to? No way! I'm sure the sex would have been fine but I was inexperienced and scared to death, too!

The Sara rumors picked up again but I began telling people nothing was going on because she was getting harassed. I felt like such a piece of shit. This girl was becoming one of my best friends. Winter swings around and at this point there aren't many teammates (I forgot to mention I was on the baseball team) I speak to at this point. School is going great and I befriend a few people in my dorm. Most of them are girls, and not athletes. One is Sara's roommate Chelsea, a southern girl with some bite to her. We eventually wore that down! Another is Jamie and her posse. Fun story about Jamie...her and I shared a bottle of VERY Cheap vodka at a party one night... straight from the bottle...wasn't a great next day! Anyway...my best friend's (Steve from high school) birthday was in November. This girl who had been hanging around was very flirty with me. She was another cheerleader with big boobs, blond, but a little smaller than the other girl. Sara, Chelsea, and this girl (Kendra) went to his birthday with me. He and Sara had a thing for each other. So we are at this party and this girl is following me around. Nice girl but I'm annoyed. We're drunk and somehow I end up in the bathroom with Sara. We weren't doing anything but laughing about how she made out with my friend and he walked out with a raging boner. This Kendra girl was FUMING because she liked me and I was in the bathroom making tons of noise and falling on the walls with another girl. I didn't care! I had to tell the girl I wasn't into her. I was basically an asshole at this point. Angry high school me was coming out again. I could feel it.

Around this same time was volleyball season and I always had a thing for volleyball girls. I always thought they had the best legs. God! A few of them were absolutely gorgeous! One of them being someone who would eventually become one of our posse. I stared so hard at one girls butt my baseball coach caught me staring. SO embarrassing but also funny. This was great! No male attractions! I was convinced that maybe it was a faze or just a guy crush.

Through winter of freshmen year I basically became a homebody. Baseball season was picking up at the end of January. I was excited! First week of practice rolls around and I'm not the most out of shape player but I had ruined my shoulder and had been rehabbing it for a while. It wasn't going well. Throw on top of nearly an overload of classes with zero sex life and I have this pent up frustration. I'm in and out of doctors and eventually have to have an MRI. Come to find out I tore my labrum in my shoulder! FanFUCKINGtastic! I had to miss my first college baseball season. Baseball was my outlet! It was my way to decompress and made me happy! I end up in a sling and pillow for 6 weeks. Talk about rough. Most my professors were pretty cool about extending deadlines except one. Our personalities clashed and I let her have it because I could barely type and she wanted me to do an entire presentation when I could barely move. On top of being frustrated with her I couldn't complete some daily tasks like zipping my pants and putting socks on. Chelsea had to come help me in the mornings get me ready for class. This poor girl had to help me zip up my pants. That's the closest any girl had been to my penis honestly and I wasn't the least bit bothered. I was so depressed by now. I felt like an infant learning things over. I could hardly get off when I masturbated even. You try rubbing one out with the opposite hand with a pillow in the way while being stressed and depressed! It doesn't go very well! Spring semester ends with me barely out of my sling, I'm still rehabbing over summer, and I'm still a fucking virgin who can't figure out his own sexuality! I was a damn mess. Mentally, I was broken! I needed help...

[classic-rock-roller]

1. You’re in Italy on your tour with Crue, and in a hotel restaurant, your band is at one table and Crue is at the adjoining one. Bonham learns that the glasses are crystal and teaches you guys how to ring them. Tommy leans over to see how then teaches the rest of them how to do it. Your band has just stopped for a moment when the manager comes up to Tommy and says, “You’re bothering the other patrons, please stop.” Bonham stifles a laugh. “They got yelled at for what we started.” How do you respond, and what does Crue have to say once the manager leaves?

Me: Yeah, they did. We should be more careful. 

Tommy looks over at Bonham and goes, “You fuckers got us in trouble.” Nikki is giggling and Vince is pissed and Mick just tries to stay out of it. 

2. You’re on a road trip with Bonham and the boys and even though you’re using Bonham’s mini van, it’s a little crowded. Kevin’s driving and you’re in shotgun when Bonham stretches up to the front for a sip of your drink. She brushes Kevin’s elbow while reaching, and he says, “Don’t touch my weenis ever again.” Bonham just looks at him and grabs his elbow. “I do what I want.” How do you and Randy respond?

Me: Please never have Bonham and weenis in the same sentence again. I get horrible inappropriate images. 

Randy: Ew, that’s gross. Don’t get me thinking about that. 

3. You’re at Bonham and Randy’s house outside one day when Kevin asks them, “I need to borrow a shovel, there’s a giant rock in your yard and I’m sick of tripping over it.” Randy says, “Sure, they’re in the shed in the back.” He comes out with one and Bonham says calmly, “Oh don’t use that one, that’s the corpse shovel.” How does Kevin react and how do you respond?

Kevin, He drops the shoved and backs away from it: “Why the fuck do you have a corpse shovel?!”

 Me: “Oh, relax, it’s probably for rabbits and birds and stuff.” 

4. You’re waiting for your bus to show up on the Crue tour. It’s ass-o’clock in the morning, so you’re practically asleep. when you hear Vince say, “Ow! Fuck!” Tommy immediately responds with, “You hold him, I’ll put his arm back.” You look over and see Tommy trying to wrestle Vince still, Nikki reaching for Vince’s arm (that’s flopping about way too low), and Vince trying to wriggle away saying, “No, you’re just gonna fuck it up worse!” How do you respond and what happens next?

“How did Vince dislocate his shoulder? Don’t touch it you’ll make it worse.” The bus arrives shortly after that and our first stop on the War Angel/Mötley Crüe tour is the ER.  

5. Your band and Crue are staying in a hotel for a couple of nights on the tour. You and Bonham are hanging out with Crue and Nikki suggests that you all order a pizza. You and Tommy are fighting over what kind to get when Vince says, “What does it matter? Bonham’s just going to eat the whole thing anyway.” She whips around and says, “Don’t lob factual statements at me as if they’re insults!” How do you and the rest of the Crue respond?

Me: Even if it’s true, Vince, you don’t say that. It’s rude. 

Tommy and Nikki are giggling and Mick rolls his eyes, “Vince What have we talked about. If you don’t have something nice to say don’t say anything at all.” 

6. You and Bonham returned home from your tour with Crue last night, and even though you both were tired as balls, you only slept until about 9:30. You and Kevin head to Randy and Bonham’s, and when you get there Randy tells you she’s still asleep. “She won’t be up for a while, so we can do stuff if you want.” Randy leaves her a note that says to call when she wakes up. You all hang out for a while and lose track of time. When you check your watch, it’s 6:47 PM. You got home late, but not that late. You head back to the house and when you get there Randy says to you, “I need you to go check on her.” “What? Why me? It’s your house.” “Just…please? I can’t explain it, just go in there.” How do you respond and what happens next?

Bonham gets really clingy after sleeping for so long and being sleep deprived so she clings to me and when Randy comes in she says, “I’m still mad at you for leaving me all alone here for when I woke up.” 

7. You’re in the car with Bonham in her home town and you pass by a really large house that’s on the market. There’s an open house the next day. “Let’s go to it! It’ll be fun!” you say. She glances out the window and says, “Oh that’s the mafia house. I wonder why they’re selling it. Sure let’s go.” How do you respond and what happens at the open house?

“Cool, I’ve always loved to go into a mafia house. I wonder if it has any secret rooms.” It turns out to be a normal house and we leave early because we get bored. 

8. You’re getting ready to do a show with Crue, and usually Bonham’s the first one ready to go. Tonight is different, but no one’s concerned. Until it’s 10 minutes to show time and she’s still not out and ready to go. You send Miles the Security Guard in to get her, and he comes out and tells you and Crue, “She’s lying on the floor by the sink. She fell asleep. How should we proceed?” Vince and Tommy are stifling laughter. How do you, Nikki, and Mick respond?

Me: I’ll go in and wake her up and help her get ready. 

Nikki: I hope she’s ok. Why would she sleep this late?

Mick: I’ll go tell the tech guys to delay the show another twenty minutes. 

9. You’re hanging out with Bonham and the boys one day and a lot of things are going wrong, but nothing detrimental to your plans; minor inconveniences. At one point, you notice that every time something doesn’t go according to plan, Bonham sings quietly, “How could this happen to me?” At one point Randy asks her, “What are you doing? Why are you doing that?” How does she respond and what do you and Kevin say?

Bonham: I don’t know. I’m just doing it. 

Me: But that may bring bad luck and we may get more little inconveniences. 

Kevin: Jeez, superstitious much?

10. Bonham, Randy, Rudy and Drew are all over at yours and Kevin’s house one day. You’re all talking and hanging out outside except Kevin, who was doing something inside. He opens the door and pokes his head out. Just before you can say anything, he says, “Well if you’re all out here then I’m going to covet the inside.” before slamming the door. How do you all respond?

Me: Kevin, stop being antisocial and come outside, please. 

He closed the door right in Drew’s face so he’s a little annoyed. Rudy and Randy go in to get him and Bonham just shakes her head, “Why is he like this?” 

11. You’re at one of Mal’s soccer games with Kevin, Randy, and Bonham. It’s a sunny day and the middle of spring, so you’re all enjoying it. Bonham’s drinking from a soda, and while she’s drinking she suddenly throws it down to the ground and spits out what was in her mouth. “Jeez, you alright?” Randy asks. She sputters, “I just drank a bee! What do I do? What do I do I just drank a bee!” How do you and Kevin respond?

Me: Well did you swallow it? Did it sting you in the mouth or throat?

Bonham: Yes and no

Me: Than you should be fine. The bee will die shortly in your stomach acid and then your body will partially digest it. 

Kevin: Why are you like this? Why do you know all this gross stuff? 

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1) You, your singer, Kevin, and Randy are at one of your singer’s family reunions. She’s seven months pregnant with her and Kevin’s son Mal and everyone is asking her how she’s feeling and what they’ll name the baby. She says, “Oh, we’re going to name him Malcolm. And call him Mal as a nickname.” Her sister is walking past at that moment and says, “You’re already setting him up to be gay. Mal’s a girls name. And if you name him that, I’m giving him a normal name and everyone will call him that.” How do you, your singer, Kevin, and Randy respond?

2) Your singer is reading the news from her hometown and goes, “No fucking way.” You ask her what’s wrong and she slaps the paper on the table between you, Kevin, and Randy. “They just found two bodies in my uncle’s old house that I spent a lot of time in. They think they were either poisoned or overdosed.” How do you, Kevin, and Randy respond?

3) You and your band are on tour with Crüe. You, your singer, Nikki, and Tommy got super drunk and your singer stuck in a random movie. She stuck in Hairspray without realizing it and during one of the musical numbers, the villain says, “Oh, look at this motley crew.” Nikki screams, “What?! I don’t see us anywhere! Did we miss being in a movie or something?!” How do you, Tommy, and your singer respond?

4) Your singer is driving you, Randy, and Kevin around her hometown. She gets on the entrance ramp and floors it to get on the highway. Kevin’s holding the ‘oh shit’ bar and says, “Jeez, will you slow the fuck down?” Your singer gives a little laugh and says, “Kev, you must know but now I don’t slow down for anyone. Besides, you have to floor it to get on the highway here anyway.” How do you, Kevin, and Randy respond?

5) You, Kevin, Randy, and your singer are watching a movie on your singer and Kevin’s couch. Kevin is eating potato chips and crunching rather loudly. Finally, your singer says, “Oh my fucking god. Stop crunching so loudly. Jeez.” How do you, Randy, and Kevin respond?

6) Your roommate, Stephen, has a young daughter from a one night stand and he raises her on his own with your help. You’re feeding Emily one day and Stephen is making dinner when Emily points to you and says, “Mama.” How do you and Stephen respond?

7)  You go to visit your singer at her serving job. When you get there, she’s standing at the host stand with several hosts. She turns to you guys and is jokingly snarky, “No, you guys gotta leave” and such. One of the hosts, ho does not know who you guys are or hat you know your singer, goes, “Stop that. I apologize about her. She tries to act tough and scary but is just a big fluffy marshmallow.” How do you, your singer, Randy, and Kevin respond?

8) While on your vacation with your singer and Kevin, you and Randy come home rather late from the bar and end up making out in the hallway. All of a sudden, you hear, “Well, you two are going to town. Aren’t you?” Randy breaks away to see your singer in the bathroom doorway, smirking. “What are you doing up?” “I’m seven months pregnant and Kevin’s kid is bouncing on my bladder. I get up every twenty fucking minutes to pee. What do you think I’m doing up?” How do you and Randy respond?

9) Your band has just gotten offstage from performing the Farm Aid concert. Your singer is talking to a rather drunk Eddie while his wife, Valerie, is getting something. All of a sudden, you hear a “No, get off of me” and you and Kevin look over to see Eddie kissing your singer while she struggles to get him off. Valerie comes back right at that moment. How do you, Kevin, and Valerie respond?

10) Your band has been on edge since the WA killer started striking. One day, you and Randy are over at Kevin and your singer’s when he gets a call. He’s making dinner for Mal and Eddie when the phone rings so he puts it on speaker and you hear, “Is this Mr. DuBrow?” “Yes.” “We have your wife down here. There was an attempt on her life and she was shot. The police suspect it may have been the WA killer. She’s ok and in stable condition but you may want to come down to the hospital.” How do you, Randy, and Kevin respond and do you take 6-year-old Mal and 4-year-old Eddie with you?

11) You and Randy are sitting on Kevin and your singer’s couch while they are having an argument. “Quit smirking at me, I’m serious!” your singer says. “I’m not smirking!” Kevin responds. “Well, stop laughing at me.” “I’m not laughing!” Well, quit whatever it is you’re doing.” “This is me with a cheery disposition; a ray of sunshine in the mist of bleakness. Don’t put a cloud over my sunshine.” Your singer rolls her eyes, “It’s an excuse to laugh at me.” “RAIN CLOUD!” How does your singer respond to Kevin and how do you and Randy react to their argument?

12) It’s your bands very first night performing on a huge stage in front of several thousand people. As you’re about to step onstage, your singer grabs your hand and looks over at you with a smile, “We finally made it, Bons. Did you think we’d make it to here?” he looks out at the people. How do you respond?

@osbournebemydaddy   your move, Bonham, love