#I must joke because the depth of emotion in my heart about it is so frightfully sincere and earnest

[vaguely-concerned]

while huge swathes of garak's heart are probably just like... the emotional equivalent of the aftermath of the chernobyl disaster. I think that right in the center of it there's a little julian bashir sitting at their usual table, and it's always the moment right before he glances up and breaks into a smile. and probably he's wearing a slutty little sexy halloween version of a doctor's uniform too but we don't have time to unpack that right now

[lixies-favorite-cookie]

aren't we? ・l.f.

💿 — felix who truly believes that you were the one who gave him all these freckles in a past life—especially the heart-shaped one.

🔭 — paring・felix x gn!reader // genres・fluff, established relationships // words・687 // warnings・felix is so sweet and sappy, if you don't like rambles or tooth-rotting fluff than you won't like this

a/n・i just can't let go of the idea that lee felix would find your soul in every lifetime! also i stole this from my short story collection that i'm working to publish because it was felix coded and i also just needed to get something out there for y'all i hope you like it my loves!!!

Felix was the part in your story, always imagined but never written down. 

And in the same way an author takes up a pen, he held his hands before you, and with quiet serenity, he swore—please, unravel your heart before me. I promise, you will never have to fantasize again—without paper or quill, he breathed all your dreams to life.

Even after four years, he continues to do so.

Felix's arms are hot around you, warm hands spread across the small of your back as he pulls you closer to him. He's kissing you, hips spreading your thighs apart from where you sit perched atop the counter's edge. The fudgy scent of brownie batter lingers in the air, wafting from a long-forgotten oven. Felix promised he would pull the brownies out after just one more kiss.

But we both know how well that went.

"Did you forget about the brownies?" Your smile must be contagious, 'cause as soon as it blossoms upon your cheeks, you have already infected him—his spreading bigger and brighter than yours.

"Brownies? What brownies? Were we cooking brownies?" he jokes, thumbs brushing patterns on your exposed back.

In the moment between lifting your gaze to admire his star-struck cheeks and now, you have taken notice of an intriguing-shaped freckle just underneath his lash line, honey-brown and cordate.

Suddenly, you lift a finger to brush the soft skin of his under-eye. First, Felix is confused. Then, as your eyes brighten with both intrigue and awe, he loses any hope of thought at all. A subtle purse in your lips tells him of your deep concentration.

He can't help the amused breath he puffs from his nose.

"What?" he whispers, eyes glazed with admiration.

"You have a heart-shaped freckle." The realization dawns on you with a soft gasp—something so simple, yet so profound. It felt so perfectly Felix.

Mindlessly, he brings his hand up to touch the mark. "Yeah, I guess I do."

"You know, your past lover must have adored your cheeks."

His fingers never cease their exploration upon your bare back. "Do you adore my cheeks?"

You let out an involuntary laugh. "Well, of course I do, but we aren't talking about me."

His eyes turn into crescent moons as he tilts his head, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Aren't we?"

For a moment, the room feels smaller, quieter, the air thick with emotion. It takes you a minute to discern his words, shifting through the meaning before it all clicks.

You gasp, the weight of his words sitting like a star in your chest. "Are you saying I was your past love?"

"I mean, if the shoe fits." His lips tilt up, and the pad of his thumb finds its way across your own cheek.

He leans in closer, lips brushing against yours as he whispers, with enough sincerity to make gardens blossom in your heart, "there's a freckle for every world I have called you mine."

It all hits you right then—the depth in which you feel for him. It's dizzying, disorienting in the best of ways. You hold love itself in between your palms. It's enough to bring tears to your eyes, slipping into your sealed lips and dripping down to your chin.

Thousands of years ago, his lover whispered the stars on his skin, for now, pressed upon his cheeks will be their story, etched into the very person in which it was born.

This is just a chapter, and maybe a million years into the future you'll be here again, sharing kisses and cherry chapstick until the brownies burn. He'd hold you here forever, over and over, until time slipped past the universe's grip and his book shuts.

Felix can't help but chuckle at the complexity of his thoughts, and when you look back up at him with those big, bright eyes, it all snaps back into perspective. It was all quite simple, really.

He laces his fingers into your hair, leaning forward to seal your lips together once more.

If Felix got to choose his story, every chapter would be filled with you.

loosely based off this fic here by @luvtak! go check it out it's literally the best fic i've ever read!!

[gingernut1314]

Truth or Dare?

Nami x GN!Reader

Summary: When you fall heavily injured, you resort to the familiar game of truth or dare to let Nami know how you feel about her.

Warnings: angst, some fluff, mentions of blood, anime spoilers (Whisky Peak Arc, Alabasta Arc; episodes 117 and 118)

Word Count: 2.6K

A/N: I've been going through a little bit of writer's block recently so sorry for being so inactive, but I've wanted to write this for a little while so here it is! This is my first time writing for Nami so I hope you all enjoy!

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“Truth or dare?” You breathed out in a voice just below a whisper. Nami pulled her blue eyes up from what she had been doing and locked onto yours. Blue eyes that had begun to water--that never filled with tears unless something was truly wrong. 

And that something wrong being the gaping gash dealt to your stomach by that spiky, spider woman that had been chasing you both through the streets of Alubarna. 

Nami shook her head full of orange hair, which you wished to run your fingers through its short length. The golden hair clip she had just bought must have fallen out while you two had been fighting for your lives. 

You watched her try to steal herself against the fear you had no doubt was waging within her and found you wished she would show you her fear--show you every emotion she was feeling in that moment so you could properly care for her.  

“No.” She said firmly.

“No?” You questioned with a chuckle that turned into a hissing wince when Nami pressed her hand tighter over your wound, trying desperately to slow the bleeding. “You can’t say no. That’s the rules.” Nami shook her head again more forcefully. 

“Well, I’m changing the rules. I’m not going to play this game when--” Her voice quivered, those vast eyes that always reminded you of a crystal blue lake shining in the sunlight nearly overflowing with tears. Tears for you.

You remember when you had first seen her lake-blue eyes. First took in their utter depths. 

You had been a Broquet Works agent based in Whiskey Peak--had been assigned to kill off the Straw Hats with the other agents stationed in that town. Had been ready and more than willing to help kill them off, but then you had seen those eyes--so bright and calculating--and knew instantly it would be a more difficult task than you had originally thought. 

You had been the first to greet the woman, besides the likes of Mr. 8. Had made an utter fool of yourself in doing so, but you hadn’t cared because she had laughed at your horrible and flirty jokes. Had outdrank you without so much as breaking a sweat and it enthralled you. 

She had won over your heart with just a few laughs and witty quips. Had won you over so much so that you had turned your back on your organization, despite knowing your death would be painful and bloody. You guarded over her and her passed-out crew after dark. Had protected her despite the horrendous wounds you had received from your fellow agents. 

After much convincing, you had been allowed to join the Straw Hats on their journey to Alabasta under the rouse of wishing to help protect the recently revealed princess from other-like Broquet Works members. Though, that was far from the truth. 

You and Nami had started this game of truth or dare when you had made it to Little Garden. You, Nami, and Usopp had been wandering around in the jungle when you had offered the familiar question her way. 

She had still been very distrustful of you then, but she had humored you. At some point during your voyage through the Grand Line, you think she stopped merely humoring you and began actually enjoying the game. Enjoyed it so much she had begun starting before you could get the chance. 

You played the game on nights neither of you could sleep. During boring and long days of endless sailing. You had played it when she fell sick and when you were injured yet again by some horrible king on a snowy island.

It was how you managed to grow closer to her. To learn of her haunting childhood and near enslavement to that horrid Fishman from the East Blue. It’s how she had learned your real name and your own haunting childhood. 

And you had fallen stupidly for her. Had probably fallen for her the moment you laid eyes on her. Anyone else in Whiskey Peak would have called you foolish for giving up everything you had worked for just to follow some woman who might never like you back, but you didn’t care. 

You would do it over and over again. Would get beaten down, stabbed, and shot at all over again because you couldn’t imagine your life without the strong-willed, fiery-tempered, and kind-hearted woman kneeling next to you.

“Come on, sunshine. Please?” You asked, pulling a playful smirk to your lips that Nami wouldn’t meet. 

“Fine. I dare you to shut up and not die.” Nami hissed, those pools of blue spilling over her cheeks despite her angered gruff at it. You chuckled, wiping away one of those hot trails from her slightly sunburnt cheeks.

“I was hoping to say a truth.” Nami shook her head once more, pulling away from your grasp. She looked away from you, turning to peek her head out of the large hole in the brick townhome you two had hidden away in. “Nami--sunshine--”

“Stop.” She hissed, whipping her burning gaze back onto you. “Stop it. You can’t break the dare until I say so, so shut up.” Another stray tear fell over her dirty, scratched-up cheeks.

“If you get to bend the rules today, I think I get to bend them too--just a little bit.” You said, trying to keep your tone light despite the darkness of your situation. Nami gave a frustrated little sound that came out sadder than you think she had wanted it to. 

“You’re not going to die.” She insisted, telling you like it was a fact. And maybe it would turn out to be fact, but at the rate you were losing blood and the knowledge that Chopper was probably miles away made it seem less likely to happen. You kept your playful smirk on your lips as you grabbed for her hand, holding it gently.   

“Ask me why I paid you all that berry to board your ship.” More tears streaked down her cheeks, her bottom lip sucking into her mouth to keep from letting any sort of sound escape her. She shook her head again and you chuckled, giving her hand a comforting squeeze. 

“I didn’t care about getting Vivi here safely. I didn’t care that I was turning my back on my work and that I was signing my own death warrant. I didn’t care because I was following you. I wanted to be by you.” 

“Stop.” Her voice came out watery. So small and weak. She was begging you. Begging you to just shut up like she had dared you to and get better. 

But you wanted her to know--needed her to know. 

“It's the only reason I started this stupid game in the first place. I wanted to know you better.” You said on a laugh that turned wincing as another wave of pain washed through you. Nami went to try and stop you from speaking again, but you beat her to it. “And I--I like you. I like your laugh and your eyes and your smile. I like watching you talk about your maps because you are just so passionate about them. Hell--I only pretend to hate reading to get on your nerves 'cause you look too cute all mad.” Nami huffed a small, saddened laugh.

“You shouldn’t have said that. I’m going to make you read all my books now.” You nodded, allowing her to keep hoping for the future after this. Allowed yourself, for just a second, to do the same. To think about you laying your head in her lap as she read you one of the many books in her collection.

“You’re--you’re really special to me.” You felt your own eyes begin to sting. Felt your throat tighten against the swell of emotion rocketing through you. “And I want you to know that. You--you’ve made me a better person…saved me from my darkness.” 

Nami moved herself closer to you, sniffing back her tears. You gladly allowed her presence into your atmosphere--allowed her to lay her forehead on yours. Closing your eyes, you took in her warmth and the smell of that overly expensive perfume you had bought her the other day in the marketplace. 

You brought your blood-covered hand up to caress her cheek, holding her closer. Holding her for a moment that might very well be the last. 

Fight it. You needed to fight it. Fight to stay alive--for her. 

The chilling sound of Miss. Doublefinger's voice calling for you both echoed through the deserted street you were on. Nami tensed against your hold, eyes snapping open in fear. 

You needed to protect her. 

You needed to keep her away from that woman…but you could hardly feel your legs, let alone move with the amount of pain you were in. But you would do it--you would crawl and let that spider trap you like some fly. Let her strike you down just to give Nami enough time to run and find the others.

“I’m going to get you out of here. Okay?” Nami said and you watched her push her sadness and fear down. Watched her pull that confidence and courage she held within herself, whether it be fake or true, up. 

Painc, rapid and tight, shot through your chest.

“What? No--”

“Truth or dare?” She asked, pulling her forehead from yours. You shook your head as she moved your hands to place them over your wound. 

Tears did fill your eyes then. Tears of fear for her. Because you knew Nami could handle herself, but even you had fallen prey to that spider’s sting. You had made peace with death a long time ago, but you had hardly made peace for her. Wanted death far, far away from her. 

“Nami--” You started, pulling out of her guiding movements to grab hold of her wrist, keeping her from leaving. “I’m supposed to protect you. I want to protect you. Whether I die--” 

“Truth or dare?” She insisted strictly, leaving you speechless.

“Truth.” She smiled through her sadness and fear. 

“How long do you think Usopp's weapon is going to hold against her?” You huffed, pulling yourself off the wall Nami had leaned you against, spying the blue, three-pieced metal staff strapped to her hip. 

“A minute--if it doesn’t break before you even get a chance to use it--which is why I’m going out there and not you.” You insisted just as strictly.

“Truth or dare?” Nami asked once more, dismissing your continued denial of her fighting that spider. 

“Nami--” She fixed you with a strict look that had you huffing in frustration.

“Pick dare.” You furrowed your brow in confusion at her. “Come on, pick. She’s getting closer.” You huffed. And huffed again before giving in to her request.

“Dare.” 

“I…” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, something like nerves filling her eyes. “I dare you to kiss me.” Your mouth fell open to speak--to keep fighting to keep her from leaving your side--but Nami gave you that confident smile of hers as she brushed her blood-covered fingers over your cheek. A touch you unconsciously lend into. “Are we still bending rules?” You huffed a laugh that fell just as quick. 

She leaned in, her deep, blue eyes searching your own. Eyes that, though still held that fear in them, were calm. Ready--sure and steady. Eyes you had fallen in love with over and over again. 

You pulled her closer by the wrist you still held, your other hand cupping her cheek to guide her lips against yours. Lips you had wished to kiss ever since she had first laughed at your bad joke. Lips that were sweet, yet just a little chapped from the desert sand that had been thrown at you like a weapon earlier that day. 

It was a kiss you pressed all your love into. A kiss you used to try and communicate every last little adoration you held to her. A kiss you prayed would keep her from leaving you--to keep her from facing death. 

Nami pulled away all too soon, her soft breaths brushing over your cheeks as she rested her forehead against yours. She kept her eyes screwed shut, fresh tears having sprung to life beneath her bare eyelids. 

“Plea--please don’t go. I’m okay. I’ll keep you safe.” You tried, but Nami shook her head, her eyes opening once more. She removed your hand from her cheek and replaced it over your wound, making it sting in the process. 

“You’re not okay and if you face her again, she’ll kill you. Just--stay here. I’m going to find help.” 

Click, click, click went Miss. Doublefinger's heels as she passed by the row of townhouses you two were hidden in. You both held your breathes as the clicking grew more faint with each passing second. Seconds you spent taking in her face--such a beautiful face you hadn’t looked at nearly as much as you should have.

“Don’t--” Nami cut you off with one last kiss. A kiss that was meant as a bitter-sweet promise. A promise of her return to you--though a return to you how and in what shape was unknown. A big unknown that pulled at your heart and had you holding her wrist tighter.

“I dare you to stay put--no more bending the rules,” She said, giving you her best confident smile and wink as she grabbed for the strange weapon Usopp had built her, called the Clima-tact.

“Nami--” But she pulled from your fingers as she snuck away out of the townhome, leaving you utterly alone with the dark and dust. 

The sound of buildings crashing, people screaming, and the wind howling only made your fear grow and grow with each passing minute. Had you gritting your teeth against your pain and dragging yourself from the spot Nami had left you in. 

That had been a very bad decision on your part because as soon as you made it to the exit, your vision began dotting with black. Black that filled your eyes and left you in a blinding sea of pitch-black pain. 

Your vision returned, though rather foggy, with the feel of gentle fingers caressing your cheeks. Orange hair and lake-blue eyes shined down at you like some angel--gods she was a sight to see, even covered in dirt as she was.

“I said no more bending the rules.” Nami huffed, eyes watching you narrowly before looking behind herself to call for Zoro, who she must have found while you were passed out. 

“You’re hurt.” You said, running a shaky finger over her shoulder, having spotted the fresh blood on her sunkissed skin. Her blue eyes found yours again, though softener than they had been. More--fearfilled.  

“She was--strong. Scary. But you were wrong.” You furrowed your brows up at her as Zoro’s tall shadow fell over you both, blocking the sun from your blurry eyes.

“Wrong? That she was a bitch? No.” Nami rolled her eyes, an amused huff of air leaving her. 

“No. The Clima-tact lasted longer than a minute. It took her down.” She said, pointing towards a smoking townhouse that had a strange, Miss. Doublefinger-sized hole in its side. 

“Truth or dare?” You breathed, looking back up to Nami who was already watching you. 

“Dare.” She smirked, a laugh spilling from your chest as you grabbed her neck in a gentle hold, pulling her down to claim her lips against yours. She kissed you back eagerly. A kiss that fulfilled the silent promise she had given you earlier.

You heard Zoro gruff something about not having time for this, which only spur Nami to pull away, pissed.

“You’re carrying both of us now.” She hissed up at the swordsmen who groaned in his own annoyance.

Tag List: @thesleepiestbearcub , @fanaticsnail

[sw33tl1es]

The order is bc im trying to make this look aesthetically pleasing, not about which ship i like more (except for oumota being first)

(Banners made by @danganronpa-shipping-galore)

Sorta of in depth explanations

1) Oumota: it was literally made in a factory for me, they have everything i want in a ship

Rivals to lovers, narrative foils, an extremely doomed dinamic that could be different if they weren't in such a dire situation, height and size difference and above everything they have such an immense chemistry, muah perfect

Literally so much to play with

2)Saimaki, i started shipping them as a joke but i started to love them so much! I love the kind of bond they must have after losing Kaito and surving the killing game, very codependent i think

But besides that, i wish they played their talents more in canon, because i find the detective x assasin concept to have so much potential (especially considering both of them arent the biggest fans of their talents iirc lol) theres an au i have which plays on that.

3) Kaemugi, doomed toxic Yuri, I love to play on the idea for Kaede having a sorta crush on Tsumugi just for her to turn around and betray her THAT badly, framing her for Rantaro's death

I love the forgiveness but even the necessary resentment (in vr!au), i also love to explore both of them being guilty for what happened to Rantaro (Kaede still planned it) and feels like you could do something very interesting with them in protag!Kaede au!

4)Kiirumi; not my favorite by any means, I find their canon interactions cute

And i like to think about pregame!Kiibo knowing Pregame!Miu and pontentially be her only friend (this is self indulgent, ik) plus inventor x robot slaps.

5)Komaegi, obligatory i haven't finished sdr2 nor watched dr3 so this is mostly self indulgent fun and idk why this dinamic compels me so much

I love how Nagito is designed to be a deconstruction of how out beloved protagonist, i love how they technically started the same (lucky students) but took such different paths, i think you can do a lot with them! Especially considering Nagito obsession with hope...

6) Naegamigiri, favorite poly ship ever, i think they all have such chemistry with each other is insane (yes, even togami/kirigiri but i ship them in a queerplatonic way) they are the married throuple¿ ever and im just so attached to them

7)chimondo, oh boy lots to say about this one but honestly theres a lot of very specific headcanons that i'm kinda afraid to delve into, so i all i will say is that they are cute and it personally breaks my heart how they were (seemingly) friends before the killing game 🫡 i usually ship them together with Taka but i admit I got lazy finding the ship name.

8)komahinanami, differently from the other antag/protag/support ship, this is more that ship both Hinanami and Komahina and I dont want to pick and choose, i love komanami explicitly only as friends

And especially in my au (which is my vr!au but im trying to also fit all the lore from the other games together, its a lot but i hope one day i find the confidence to talk about it), thinking about those three interacting together with all that happened just </3 makes me both happy and extremely sad, gotta finish the game and watch the anime so im sure its gonna hurt a lot

9) Sakuraoi, this is one of these ships that stuck with me a lot, I find them genuinely one of the best written relationships of Thh and chapter 4 as a whole is never gonna not gonna make me tear up

I also, love personally to have a character like Aoi which is usually very good and friendly have such a big emotional reaction that shes open to the idea of killing everyone and herself for the sake of Sakura, i love how DR never hesitates to make their character have big emotional responses that are sometimes extremely harmful like this one. I like an Aoi that has a type of grief that gets so revengeful shes willing to go lengths she'd never would otherwise.

10) Kaemaki, I admit this is for aesthetical purpose and bc Kaede personality wise reminds me of my oc that i ship with Maki

im sorry i had to have 10 ships and i mostly have platonic ships in this fandom

Its very surface level, i think it could have gotten more interesting if we had protag!Kaede and support!Maki :')) maybe they could have helped each other.

[yumark-ism]

200 by mark

oh mark, how obvious can you be?

200 was released in may 2024, way before the firstfruit or depth. it's mark's first love song release and he isn't hiding anything.

it's actually quite crazy how obvious mark has been throughout his songs, you just need to pay attention.

First, you crashed into my life and you just broke My roof and my window, girl, you had me shook

because yuta was the one to suddenly give mark a rush of obsession, love and flirtation he had probably never experienced in such a way before.

I'm living again in a drama in my head

yumark is like... fanservice? like a BL? too good to be true? could yuta actually be serious, is mark asking himself to stop being delusional? heh

Who told me love would come down like a million rocks? The rock you came with was an alibi

the love yuta came with came with an alibi of fanservice, something that can be used as protection against real feelings. yuta can cover up his feelings with "it's just a joke, just for the cameras" if anyone asks or even if nobody asks, it was his way of expressing what he couldn't say or do in private.

You and I, we have the same disguise Even a long gray cap can't hide it, right? When night comes again, can we ri-ri-ri—?

without writing too much, yuta's album is all about this disguise, off the mask, the hiding, the lack of freedom, being locked up, a prisoner. i suppose that's idol life x1000000 when you're in love with your group member. they were caught on dates at night, as we have seen.

You are my rockstar Without you, I'll always feel alone When I'm lost, you guide me home, yeah You make my whole heart When nothing adds up, I'll be your number You're a hundred and six and I'm ninety-four, yeah

do i have to say anything, really? oh markie. i'm so proud of how far you have come in not caring and sharing your love! i think everyone and their mother must have thought of yuta when they hear "rockstar"

and of course it fits with the yumark dynamic of yuta being mark's protector, guidance, where he goes for his emotional support

106 + 94 = 200. mark explained this is saying that he sees the other person as more than himself rather than them being just 50/50 equals, he thought it was more romantic that way. and i honestly think mark sometimes sees yuta as this incredible person he aspires to be like. a rockstar, so fearless in everything he does, etc

and i will just go to the outro because the song is self explanatory:

You are my Rockstar, my rockstar When nothing adds up, I'll be your number Hundred and six, ninety-four, don't you know? What you know, hundred and six, ninety-four? You're my rock, my rockstar When nothing adds up, I'll be your number You're a hundred and six and I'm ninety-four, yeah

again, he uses both "rock" and "rockstar" which screams yuta. i can't count how many times on this blog i said yuta is mark's rock. they even have a secret sign of 🤘 when yuta says "my way, my way" to mark when mark gets visibly upset or uncomfortable on camera. mark has said even as an adult, he feels like a child and needs guidance. so yuta is that for him, his rock and his dominant. thank you mark for confirming, have you been reading my blog? heh

also in this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBk_9ux7Thc at 1:33, mark is talking about how he couldnt make eye contact with the fans because he was too shy and yuta immediately says he however was able to, to which mark replies "that's good..." he then takes a moment to think and says "as expected from rockstar" which even the editors added the lyrics of 200 there on the screen

this confirms (as if we didn't know) that everyone thinks the "rockstar" in 200 is yuta

mark very obviously wants people to know that. this moment is from around july/august 2024, just 2 months after 200's release

the "rock" and "rockstar" are associated. it's a moment where mark is the one who needs help with something (too shy to look at fans) but yuta can do it with ease. this is the dynamic that makes yuta mark's rock and mark is impressed by yuta's natural ease with these things, how he just doesn't care, he is mark's "rockstar"

at that moment, when yuta hears "rockstar" his lips twitch and i'm sure he must have said something but it cut there. perhaps they actually spoke about 200 lyrics right there and how the song is about yuta and that's what inspired the editors to write that caption. why didn't they show us that part if it was the case? heh

either way, yuta knows 200 is about him.

i also just want to note in the same video, where yuta is just casually chatting with doyoung and johnny, no mark even around, they're talking about the meaning of love. yuta so naturally says he knows what love is and it's "MK." with how natural the answer is, it just rolls off his tongue and given the setting, this was not played up for the camera, it's just the simple and profound truth. yuta knows what love is and it's mark

[tobyfishenbock-blog]

Anime Review: Fruits Basket (2019)

Before I start this review, I want to preface that this is MY PERSONAL OPINION . If you disagree or like a certain show that I do not like, that is fine :)

TW: Suicide, trauma, abuse

Genre: Romance

Seasons: 2001 version (1 season)

2019 version (3 seasons)

Mangas: 23 volumes

Anime Info:

Fruits Basket was first released in 2001 and ran for one season. In 2019 it got a revamped version with a more vibrant style but stayed with the original character designs. They stayed true to the original show, even using the same jokes, characters, and scenes.

So you , might be thinking, if you watched the original version, why bother rewatching it in the 2019 version? Well the original ended pretty short, barley getting into the depth and backgrounds of the story. The reboot continues the story, staying true to the manga and lets you get to know all the unique characters better, even meeting some new ones they never showed in the first version.

This isn’t just a soppy romance either. It shows some dark and serious issues such as neglect, abuse, regret, suicide, trauma, etc. In your opinion, they go a great way about this as well without it being pushed too much or being used as shock factor.

Storyline: Tohru Honda is a young high school student who works part time while going to school. Honda’s mom passed away, and due to other living difficulties, she feels she has no choice but to live in a tent out in the woods. Little to her knowledge, she camped out on the Soma’s property.

The Soma’s were a wealthy and mysterious family. Tohru went to school with the most popular boy in school, Yuki Soma. He was a very handsome, smart and popular boy that many classmates fawned over. Yuki and his older cousin, Shigure, discover Tohru’s tent and offer her a place to stay with them while her grandpas place is renovated.

While living there she is introduced to more Somas such as Kyo Soma, another main character. While there she discovers that they are all part of the zodiacs. If hugged by the opposite sex, they transform to their assigned zodiac animal. With this knowledge, she must keep the secret of the family.

Rating: 4.5 out of 5

I loved this anime so much. It is true to the mangas and it is very emotional and beautiful. they know how to tug at your heart strings. I am not a romance anime person, but I fell in love with this anime. I didn’t give it a full 5 stars because some of the side plots seemed very corny at times, but I think that comes with most romance anime’s. I highly recommend this anime and look forward to reading the manga in the future.

[variousqueerthings]

Can I be a teeny tiny bit terrified

ghosts! mysterious creatures! misty forests! psychics! good ingredients, it's "Hide"

sexism rank objectification (female character is ogled/harassed/turned into a sex joke by the doctor and/or a lead we’re supposed to root for and/or the camera): 10/10

sexism rank plot-point (lead female character is only there to serve plot, not to have her emotional interiority explored, or given agency to her emotional interiority): 7/10

interesting complex or pointlessly complex (does the complexity serve the narrative or does it just serve to be confusing as a stand-in for smart, this includes visually): 6/10

furthers character and/or lore and/or plot development (broader question that ties into the previous ones, at least two of these, ideally three should be fulfilled): 6/10

companion matters (the companion doesn’t always have to be there, but if the companion is there, can they function without the doctor– and overall per season how often is the companion the focus or POV of the story): 8/10

the doctor is more than just “godlike” (examines the doctor’s flaws and limitations, doesn’t solve a plot by having it revolve entirely around the doctor’s existence): 9/10

doesn’t look down on previous doctor who (by erasing or mocking its importance, by redoing and “bettering” previous beloved plotpoints or characters, etc.): 6/10

isn’t trying to insert hamfisted sexiness (m*ffat famously talked a lot about how dw should be sexier multiple times, he sucks at writing it): 9/10

internal world has consistency (characters have backgrounds, feel rooted in a place with other people, generally feel like they have Lives): 6/10

Politics (how conservative is the story): 6/10

FULL RATING: 73/100 (if I can count….)

this one's a bit hard to rate, because I don't strictly think all of these needed to be very high, but there were definitely things -- more related to pacing than anything -- that could be improved upon

OBJECTIFICATION: there are three ladies in this episode, Clara of course, Emma Grayling, and the witch-ghost (who is actually a time traveller/spacefarer called Hila) all of whom are chill. Honestly feels like we're beating the curse of the Kissogram at this point!

PLOT-POINT: sooo Emma is kind of mainly there to be psychic/empathic -- she does feel feelings about it, and to be fair, the other guy isn't a super fleshed out character either

Clara has some feelings about being very scared but still quite brave, so she doesn't feel emotionally vacant from the episode + she gets this cryptic warning about the Doctor from Emma (he has a sliver of ice in his heart), which at least gives her a bit of POV

but there's still that annoying overhanging "Clara is a mystery" which is the whole reason it turns out they're there, even though it only comes up at the end + we do get a bit of how Clara might feel about the concept of ghosts, as she questions the Doctor about how they see people -- both living and dead at the same time, all the time: "to you I havent been born yet. And to you I’ve been dead 100 billion years. Is my body out there in the ground? To you I’m a ghost… we’re all ghosts to you. We must be nothing."

it gives the idea of her being introduced as "a mystery" a tad more depth, because in some ways all mortality is a mystery to the Doctor

Hila's interiority is on the whole less explored, which I think is a bit of a shame, because this episode has a bit of pacing drag here and there, which could have been used instead to give her a bit more depth

COMPLEXITY: this is another thing related to the pacing, although it doesn't annoy me much, I will bring it up! for pedanticism! there's a mystery about a ghost that's actually something bleeding through from a pocket universe, so they go there, bring her back, the Doctor is stuck there and it's oooh the creature there is spoooky, and then that kind of takes awhile, and then right at the end we squeeze in the actual plottwist, which is that there are two creatures trying to find their way back to each other

there's a lot of travelling forwards and backwards in time with the Tardis to first discover that Hila is the ghost, which in itself isn't bad + gives the quite neat interaction about people seeming like ghosts to the Doctor generally, but then once they're in the forest it's made out to be creepy in a way that doesn't quite pay off, and spends a looot of time on, comparatively

and there's never enough time given to looking at the creature, until the very last shot (which! I do love!)

CHARACTERS/LORE/PLOT: soooo Clara is "just" an ordinary girl, confirmed. and Clara is getting some insight into how the Doctor might see mortality, and having some kind of feelings about that

COMPANIONS MATTER: yeah, she's very proactive! so proactive in fact that she calls the Tardis a cow, twice! it made me gasp, I tell you, but actually an antagonistic relationship with the Tardis is quite a fun change (also possibly slightly related to her being a Time Anomaly - the Tardis isn't a fan of those, canonically)

anyway she strongarms the Tardis into helping her help the Doctor, which is quite fun. also this little interaction, when the Doctor asks her to accompany him ghost hunting in the spooky house:

The Doctor, after she's willfully not engaging with him: Im giving you a face. Can you see me? Look at my face Clara, giving in: Fiiine. .. dare me! The Doctor, grinning: I dare you. No take-backsies

it's very siblings energy, I enjoy that she's not just running into everything without caring of the danger. sometimes you're scared!

“GODLIKE” DOCTOR: the Doctor gets this one wrong so many times, it's a running gag. one more win for the "just some guy" Doctor fans!

PREVIOUS DOCTOR WHO: there's a fair few Easter Eggs to both Classic!who and Nu!who in it, which is fun if you know what to look for

“SEXINESS”: SIMILARLY ARE WE FREE OF THE CURSE!???

INTERNAL WORLD: a tad rockier, big spooky house, interesting backstories to the characters, check, then pocket universe of spooky forest, cooolcoolcool, but there's something a little sparse about it for me. Nitpicky, but this is the rating to nitpick with!

POLITICS: mmmmm I guess don't judge a book by its cover, and sometimes the spooky alien is actually just not someone you're used to seeing. otherwise kind of a simplistic episode on the whole, although I like the link between the young woman who describes herself as an "assistant" and her many times great granddaughter who's a space pioneer

(although, I've gotta be honest, there was a moment where I wish we could have cut out the guy and made this a lesbian cross-time romance instead, it would have been great and focused the episode a little!)

FULL RATING: 73/100 (if I can count….)

the biggest best thing of this episode is the cool alien design, and also the space-faring woman who is thought to be a ghost, and these are unfortunately the bits we get the least of. but that's not to say this episode is terrible

it's a very fun little episode, with more bits between Clara and the Doctor exploring their dynamic, as well as Clara and the Tardis! (not enough companions have a lot of feelings about the Tardis in my opinion, if I were travelling in the Tardis I'd be cooing over her 24/7)

anyway, another strong contender in the second half of the season!

[d0ughb0y315]

Benedick Character Analysis

I wrote this about.... a lil over a year ago when I played this character so uhhhhhhhhyeah enjoy ~~~

I don’t feel like writing this as a normal essay, since it’s quite literally not. This is just me getting my thoughts down on page about a character I’m thinking way too in depth about. Just because you’re a person who loves people and quite literally lives for others doesn’t mean you have everything sorted out in life. It doesn’t work like that. Instead, you’re confident in the fact that you’ll be there for everyone else but worry to a crippling extent that nobody will be there for you. So what do you do about it? You hide. You joke. You play jester. It’s not like you don’t know what you’re doing or that it’s unhealthy… in fact you know exactly what you’re doing. You know how to word things so that people only slightly worry for you but end up laughing it off in the end. You don’t notice it’s a problem until you finally break down in an unusual situation and realize that your body and mind’s way of dealing with that is to completely shut down all occurrences of those feelings for the next while. You don’t realize it’s a problem until people point out the fact that you’re so obnoxious, till you realize you have become the comedic relief. It isn’t necessarily that people don’t come to you with problems, that still happens and those are serious moments. In fact, because you love people, you live for them, like I said before. You know how they work, how to stay calm, how to not break character in situations where you’re needed. You become the therapist friend. I’ve always found it funny how the therapist friend and the comedic relief friend tend to be one in the same. Your jokes don’t have to be funny, your advice doesn’t always have to be the best. You just have to feel for people. Because not everyone can the way you do. And that’s okay, they shouldn’t have to. That’s why you’re here. But sometimes, when you’ve had enough, you snap. Nobody expects it, the complete, seething anger that’s able to spill from your lips when the time is right. When someone has pushed you just a bit too far past your limit. 

And I’m not saying that being this person is a bad thing, it’s simply a bit much sometimes. You lose track of yourself in caring so much for others. But you’re okay with that if it means everyone else gets to feel okay. You can help people, you can cheer them up, you can just offer them a genuine hug - something so many people desire but also something that seems to be in such short supply - a hug… what good certain types of hugs can do. And there are different types. There’s the hug you receive from a friend while hanging out. There’s the hug you get from a partner in those more private, emotionally intimate moments when you just can’t hold all the emotions in anymore. There’s the hug you get from a parent or adult figure that feels so loving that you’re finally able to let your walls down, finally able to be a scared little kid again, because you know they’ve got you. That’s my personal favorite type of hug. There’s so many more, but it’s getting a bit repetitive. Either way, everyone needs hugs from time to time and that’s what you’re here for: a hug and a joke. You learned a long time ago how to deal with your problems alone; the faster you learned that the more you were able to be for people. You fell in love with humanity itself, and you vowed to care for it. But now you don’t know how to let humanity care for you. The nights sat sobbing and silently screaming for those you love to the point where your heart begins to physically hurt. It hurts so deep it opens a chasm that you allow yourself to gracefully dive into. But only once. Then the feeling is no more, for you must become the jester. 

And such a man is Benedick.

[strawberry-stories]

Prompt: You wish to know what others feel about you. As you gain the ability to feel others' emotions, you gave a heartbreaking challenge. You must navigate a world filled with intense feelings, learning to distinguish your own emotions from those of others. This journey tests your resilience and teaches you the true depth of empathy.

I only wrote the first part of this, but I'd quite like to continue it, to see how the character learns to deal with their power.

Emotional Echoes

Please, let me know what others think about me! I can't go another day spiralling and breaking down when someone looks angry, or I say something wrong. I can't handle this anymore. Please, God, Magic, Universe, anything! Help me not to depend on my own twisted interpretation of other people's emotions.

All I want is to know what they actually think of me. It's nothing bad, right? I mean, they all hate me, but knowing that is better than not knowing and watching them all sneer at me in disgust and pretend to be my friends? I'm stupid. I'm an idiot. They don't hate me. I'm putting words in their mouths, and turning them into monsters that they truly are not. I bet they hate me for that. For turning them into cruel villains.

I should go to sleep. It'll all feel better in the morning.

———

It's morning now. I feel better than I did. Not good, still, but I can see that my breakdown last night was an overreaction. Nobody hates me. Nobody thinks strongly enough about me to hate me. I'm just there, window dressing of the world.

I get dressed, grabbing a hoodie and some jeans, before trudging into the bathroom, bleary-eyed to go to the toilet. I should brush my teeth and wash my face. I'm in the bathroom. It's convenient. It's easy. There are no real barriers to this basic self care.

I go downstairs to breakfast.

My mum is in the kitchen, and a wave of love washes over me. I'm here! It says. I love you! It says.

"Breakfast's on the table" she says, passing through to give me a kiss on the head before leaving for work. I have to eat alone this morning. She's out to work earlier and earlier nowadays, making sure that we have enough to pay for the house and the car and her ever growing record collections, since the man she married left her last year. I don't blame him. It's hard being married when your new wife has such a messed up kid. It's okay though, because even just being with her for a moment warms my heart, the wave of love filling me with joy.

The sound of the alarm wakes me from my daydream, reminding me that the bus will be outside my house in just a few minutes. Shaking my head, dropping back into my body, I frantically rush around the house for my shoes, my coat, my half-done homework, and my all-important phone, before running out of the house to the bus stop, only just remembering to lock the door.

The bus arrives.

And with it, as I sit on my usual seat, comes the full force of 40 hormonal teens, shouting and joking and singing. And feeling. My heart races, and I start to sweat. I love the girl next to me. I hate the girl next to me. She's my best friend. My dad died yesterday. I'm so excited for today! I wish I wasn't here. I feel sick. I'm going to cry. I squeak an excuse me, as I pass through the throngs of teenagers, and push past the boy getting on to run away. Away as far as I can get from all of this emotional noise. I run until I can't any more.

Taking stock of myself, I find that other than a racing heart and aching muscles, I can't feel anything like what I was feeling on that bus. The field I ran to is in the middle of nowhere and I am safe. I'm scared, I think. What happened to make me feel the emotions of an entire bus? And what can I do to make sure it never happens again.

I walk home, and do some of the work I would've done. That's a lie. It's been a hard day. I deserve to do something I enjoy. I lie on my bed for a bit, scrolling through videos and pictures, not looking at any of them. It's been 4 hours. I've done nothing. I need to get some work done, if I'm not going to do something fun. I want to get homework done. It's been 2 more hours.

One thing I do know though, is I can't leave the house. If that's what happened from just the bus, I can't go to school. I can't. I don't know what could have caused it, other than the desperate prayer I made last night, but I know that I can't leave the house if it's making me feel other people's emotions. In small doses, it's okay, I suppose. It was nice feeling what I now realise was my mum's love for me. It's nice knowing that she loves me. But I can't have any more than that. I'm not used to that much emotion.

I guess I'll just have to stay alone. I know my friends will hate me for leaving them, but that's the price I must pay to deal with this curse. How could I have ever thought it could be a gift?

[nikibogwater]

Aight, y’all know the deal by now. I’m someone who takes stories way more seriously than I’m probably supposed to. I revel in a good emotional shake-down brought on by an epic tale. Time to put on my Sentimental Goggles and really dig into this latest Zelda game, and see if I can explain why I feel it has the darkest and hardest-hitting story of any in the series so far. TotK Spoilers begin below the cut. 

To start, we must acknowledge the precedent set by Breath of the Wild. BotW, despite being set in a post-apocalyptic wilderness teetering on the brink of destruction, is very much a story about hope. Zelda even says as much during the game’s opening: “You are the light--our light--that must shine upon Hyrule once again.” In the midst of a devastating catastrophe, one little seed of hope survived--Link. BotW follows this little seed as it at last blossoms into a force that is powerful enough to defeat the Calamity and put Hyrule back to rights. It’s a pretty straightforward and feel-good plot, even if it does have its fair share of bittersweet elements.

The thing that makes Tears of the Kingdom so effectively dark is that it begins by mercilessly ripping away that sense of hope that was a constant in its predecessor. Everything Link and Zelda fought for is undone in an instant. Hyrule is in even greater peril than before. This is no longer a tale of a budding seed of hope, it’s a frantic, desperate scramble to preserve what little remains of their world. 

Throughout much of this story, Link’s biggest motivation is reuniting with Zelda. While he serves as a light for Hyrule as a whole, Zelda has always been a light for him, and for us as the players. I don’t think it’s too much of a controversial statement to say that BotW’s iteration of Princess Zelda is the most well-developed in the series to date. Zelda has always been the heart and soul of the series, but this is especially true for BotW because she is no longer just Link’s partner in destiny or childhood friend. She is a fully-realized protagonist with a character arc that endears her to us as the players. She isn’t just important to Link, or to Hyrule at large. She’s important to us. Which is why I felt a legitimate sense of grief and despair when Link discovered that she couldn’t be rescued this time. No joke, there were a few minutes where I actually wanted to stop playing after seeing the final Dragon’s Tear memory. 

Breath of the Wild’s story is a statement of hope. By contrast, Tears of the Kingdom’s story is a question, one that most of us don’t want to even consider: What do you do when hope dies? What do you do when your light is taken away from you? The answer is perhaps as merciless as the question: you just keep going. Even if there is no Zelda waiting for you at the end of the fight (at least as far as Link knows), you still have a job to do. You still have to face the dark depths and the nightmares that dwell within. You still have to fight, even when it seems like there is no chance of winning. 

In this way, both Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom feel like more than just games to me. They’re the kind of story that I carry with me into the real world. The kind that I look back on when I need to feel hopeful, or push through my own dark depths. Sure, it’s not a masterpiece of literature or anything, but it was a story that resonated with me all the same, thanks in no small part to TotK’s commitment to embracing the dark and the hopeless. There are times when it is enough to be reminded that I am strong, that I am capable of overcoming any challenge set before me. But when that challenge is no longer a puzzle or a personal flaw--when it’s say, grieving the loss of a loved one or longing to return to a happier time, it is just as comforting to be told, with brutal honesty, that yes, this feels hopeless. This feels like it could never possibly turn out alright in the end. But you must keep going. You must fight until you find your hope again, even if it can’t be the same as it was before. After all, that is what it means to be the light--their light--that must shine upon the world once again. 

[burnyouwithacigarettelighter]

part i, autonomy in your coherence | c.g

With something like time that runs round with the world — ignoring it’s inhabitants and stealing things that you’d hidden away for safekeeping — you’ve taken up the hobby of art, furiously sketching faces that are six-feet under.

The skill is beautiful and horrific all the same, watching like a person with amnesia as the portraits begin to lose their depth, the freshness, the personality that came free with who you’d chosen to print on the page.

You’ve forgotten your feelings for Carl, because he didn’t feel the same.

You just wished you did a better job at it.

WARNINGS: mentions of death, suicide ideation

this is a continuation of watch you burn away and i recommend you read that, first! this is also part of a series, so here is the masterlist if you need it!

(cross-posted on ao3!)

Your father once told you he had a patient that died from heartbreak.

“Your heart can’t really break, though, right?” You’d said. A doctor for a father and a laboratory technician for a mother made you more than aware of things, seeing through the myths and pretty white lies of figures like Santa and the tooth fairy.

(They had gone through with it anyway, because although their child knew, it was a gateway to normality in such a busy home.)

Your father scratched his chin, unsure how to respond. “My patient had died from a broken heart, though the process wasn’t as simple as it’s term name. A broken heart — the nonliteral meaning — can be the cause and the domino toppling to many things that could lead to death.”

“Like what?” You’d said with little admission into the conversation, having been flicking through a novel you’d picked up a while back (which featured a one eyed pirate and his partner who’d ended up dying in the end — not that you knew, yet, at least.)

“I don’t know, er,” Your father swirled his coffee lightly, gesturing wildly with his free hand, “Mental health issues, for one. Erratic actions, depression, a lost sense of self. Obsession.”

“Huh,” You muttered, looking up at your father for the first time. “A lost sense of self? Really?”

“What is your father teaching you?” Your mother said, stepping into the kitchen with a questioning expression. The conversation ended there, without so much as a thought after.

You wish you pried your father for further answers. What you’d give to get the workaholic of a man to dump his duo psychology medical major thoughts unto you with little care.

The knowledge would be gold in your time of need, when pulling and pushing distance further between you was like venturing through a field of thorns.

(Perhaps you just missed your parents. But that couldn’t be it, right? They’d died and you had lived, their blood on your hands and the gun in your fingers, their glazed over eyes and your own that nearly matched, cold and willing without a drop of emotion.)

But you’d gotten through it for him— without him. Without anyone, quietly harboring scratches and bleeding from the field with little effort.

If someone asked, you would tell them with full and honest confidence that you harboured no more attachments. You were a naive teenager, running through your feet and over yourself for something that was just a crush.

Crushes are — in their whole singularity and purpose —  temporary.

They are brief, and momentarily something that causes ripples and waves in your thoughts, just the slightest mention or faint sight makes you detour down a road of sickly sweet dreams and fantasies.

He was first love (like? You didn’t love him, no, it was a crush and it was something for the unattainable and the inappropriate — in which with full truth, he was.) so you poured the honey glazed remembrances and rose coloured lenses over your memories, because he was a first love, and you know that those were cracks in the heart, growing vines and constricting the part that was him — the part that’d always, always be there, without a doubt.

(However much you didn’t want it to be.)

The leaves and the venomous flowers that sprout in decaying grooves come with age, and you are older now.

You bear fresh scars that litter your entire being and wear newly buried bones of people who were once not just that, the dirt still sitting in the crevices of your nails, and you seem to forget their voices with each passing day.

With something like time that runs round with the world — ignoring it’s inhabitants and stealing things that you’d hidden away for safekeeping — you’ve taken up the hobby of art, furiously sketching faces that are six-feet under.

The skill is beautiful and horrific all the same, watching like a person with amnesia as the portraits begin to lose their depth, the freshness, the personality that came free with who you’d chosen to print on the page.

More and more, the faces look like reference art rather than a taken from life picture, which was all telling them to sit still and watching their eyes crinkle at the edges when you show them the result, voices echoing and asking if they could have it.

Everyday, as it has become a peevish habit like biting your nails or obsessively reminding yourself your stove is off, you draw pictures of everyone.

If you are close enough with them, you ask the subject to sit and model for you, analyzing every breath and laugh they take when you crack a joke or engage them in meaningless conversation just to see how the light hits their brows when they raise, the shadows pooling in their aging lines.

Everyday, you wish and hope and even fucking pray that their portraits continue to be something of anxious routine, rather than trying to dump their image out of your head and onto paper so you can see their faces one more time.

His image seems to change with each moment he sits in for you, once a face with two piercing blues, then a patch and eyes that looked at the dusty wooden floor, and later, someone who looks at you straight, something that told you he was a survivor, who bore his battles proudly, the scar on the right of his face sitting ruggedly and bewitchingly.

You draw him, exactly the way you see him, and when you show him the picture, he laughs, and says “You made me look too pretty,” and you shake your head, “It’s exactly the way I see you.”

You do her, too, upon request. When she sits, you draw her almost like it was professional, drawing the curvature of her face with exact precision, intense shading, marking the features she holds. The dip in her nose, the straight of her hair.

(You often forget who you’re drawing in these moments, and when you step away from the canvas you’re hit with whiplash. It’s subconscious, the way you do these things to please him, wanting to see so clearly how his face spreads delicately with delight.)

It takes a little while for you to convince Ron. When you first propose the drawing, he gives you a confused face, before walking off to do shooting practice. He’s gotten better with the gun over the years, and doesn’t respond when you tell him you know why.

(His mother didn’t come out of it alive, and his brother didn’t come back without harm. The younger boy was alive, but would grow up with only his brother by his side and one less limb to account for.)

The second time, he makes a snide comment, albeit with no bite, about how ‘you must be a horrible artist, to ask me of all people to model for you.’

The third time, you’ve dragged him to the small office you makeshifted for the drawings in the garage. He studies every slit of paper you’ve ripped out of your book, the unfinished sketches or yet-to-be painted canvases piling up against the walls. Complete works sit proudly on your wall, displayed for the world to see.

His hands hover over the paints sitting on your desk, charcoal, dirt, sticks, paintbrushes, handmade dyes, wallpaper cut-outs.

“Why?” Ron says curiously.

“‘Why?’ what?” You echo, fiddling with a fork you grabbed from the kitchen, splaying out a thick lather combination of beet dye and cement onto your finger to check the consistency.

“Why do you draw these portraits? I get the others because,” He says, leaving the words “because they’re dead” hanging in the air between you two in mutual and regretful acknowledgement, “But you draw these everyday. You drag Carl and Enid off, or just sit on the benches and draw Maggie and Glenn knee-deep in the dirt.”

You sigh a dreadful breath, wiping the rest of the beet-cement mix onto the page with the pad of your fore-finger. “We’ll forget them one day.”

He looks at you, unblinking. The dead, the gone, and the soon to be long forgotten only existed in your memories, in your words, and when the time came that the world had moved on and stopped, they would cease. Their whole memory relied on the living, nothing about them able to reach and grasp life on their own. Memory was all that was left, and it was all you could do to wash away regret.

“And the rest?”

You bite your tongue hesitantly, your movements rigid, “You see their portraits. Everyday they get less and less coherent. When — when time comes , these drawings will be the only thing getting me by.” You whispered.

The ball had dropped. Coping and grief in it’s big and ugly form, preying on your conscious hungrily, taking shelter in your largest worries. Claws sunken in your flesh, the monster was a thing that felt like it would never go away, because it would loom right alongside death itself, watching and waiting for the moment they’d deemed someones time to have been enough.

(It would never be enough. Enough meant they’d pop in from next door and ask to borrow something, enough meant they’d swipe dirt across your face to make you angry — enough meant they would come in everyday and sit for their portrait once more.)

A creaking on the floorboard caught your attention, eyes watching as Ron’s feet walk to the corner of the room, before hopping onto the wooden seat with little effort.

“I’m not going. I never will. But — do it anyway. I’d… like to see how I look on paper.” He said cheekily, picking up a thin pencil off your desk and handing it out to you.

So you did. Seconds turned to minutes and minutes snowballed into hours in the dim lighting of the garage, asking the blond to turn his body, stretch his head and make different expressions, fulfilling and destroying the little worm of worry sitting in your head.

When you’re done with the charcoal, turning it around for Ron to see and to inspect, he asks, “What about you?”

“And what about me?” You say. His questions never make sense without further discussion, but the boy always has to wait for you to pry and ask him to elaborate.

“You don’t have any drawings of yourself. You’re the artist, the photographer, the one who makes these things that will stay longer than the memories and the words — so what about you?”

It’s rare that Ron delves into his emotions and the things he really means, but when he does, it’s something that stays, for a long while.

“I,” You didn’t have an answer for it. You weren’t one to do a self-portrait, it not being the same as having someone to sit and take from. “I don’t want to.” You finished simply, an ice cold realization coming to reality in you.

“Why?” He says the same words as before, but the words hold a heavy weight.

“I don’t know.”

You knew.

Maybe one day, you’d wished that you’d wash away like seafoam on the beach. You wouldn’t leave a single portrait behind of you, and the memories and the words were left mum behind his lips, because you knew how he got in a loss.

Quiet and unfeeling, it was so selfish of you that you’d counted on how he got in that state to leave you behind, neglecting you like the fruits of your memories you’d never get to bear.

Ron’s gaze bore into you like he knew exactly what you were thinking, telepathically taking in every thought you’d conveyed at your dispense.

“You should.” Is all he says, before stepping off the wooden stool and out the door.

What was wrong with you? You feel so… entirely foolish. Obsolete. Embarrassing.

You walked past the remnants of those who were gone everyday, obsessively creating canvas over canvas of them and the only thing you could think was that you’d wish to position yourself beside them?

This world was catching up to you, and fast, but you’d just have to run faster than it could.

[magnetic-rose]

Why Spones is a top-tier ship

AKA “the inherent homoeroticism of annoying the shit out of your co-worker.”

Spock and McCoy have a complicated relationship. A lot of their bickering and ideological differences lead fans to believe that they hate each other, but that’s an over-simplification of the truth. The reality is that Spock and McCoy are extremely close friends who care about each other deeply. Though sometimes their bickering turns serious during stressful situations, for the most time they seem to enjoy the banter. A common mischaracterization of their relationship seems to put McCoy as the bully and Spock as the victim. In truth, there are many times where Spock will say something specifically to get a rise out of McCoy. They fight. That’s how they show affection, not disdain. In fact, one could argue that some of their bantering have a flirtatious tone to it.

Kirk: Mister Spock, regaining eyesight would be an emotional experience for most. You, I assume, felt nothing.

Spock: On the contrary Captain. I had a very strong reaction. My first sight was the face of Doctor McCoy bending over me.

McCoy: ‘Tis a pity brief blindness didn’t increase your appreciation for beauty, Spock. (Operation -- Annihilate!)

Spock is a half-Vulcan, half-Human who has mostly chosen to follow his Vulcan heritage. As such, he is a being of almost pure logic. The truth about Vulcans are that they are secretly beings who feel things very deeply and intensely, and they feel the need to keep a tight lid on their emotions as to not succumb to them. McCoy, on the other hand, is a regular human. He’s a deeply emotional man who cares about others. One could argue that McCoy is almost too empathetic, as he lets his emotions rule him. Spock and McCoy are polar opposites; the brain and the heart, the logic and the emotion, the super-ego and the id.

Despite these differences, the two men are similar in a lot of ways. They’re both men of science, men of peace, and they both care very deeply for their Captain. They’re both self-sacrificing morons, to the chagrin of the other. Spock will prioritize McCoy’s life even when both of them know it’s not the logical choice to do so. Likewise, McCoy will take a hit for Spock even when they both know the Vulcan is stronger and better equipped to deal with pain than the doctor.

Spock: (In the middle of a blizzard) In this severe cold, we cannot survive much longer.

McCoy: Leave me here, Spock.

Spock: We go together or not at all.

McCoy: Don’t be a fool. My hands and face are frostbitten. I can’t feel my feet. Alone, you have a chance. Now do what I say. Go try to find Jim.

Spock: We go together! (All of Yesterdays)

In the episode, “The Empath,” Kirk, Spock and McCoy have to choose someone to be offered as sacrifice to be tortured by a group of aliens. Kirk obviously volunteers, but gets put to sleep by McCoy with a tranquilizer. Spock then states that he’ll offer himself up, as he has the higher chance of surviving the torture. McCoy then proceeds to sedate Spock as well, and sacrifices himself to be tortured by the aliens.

Spock: While the captain is asleep, I am in command. When the Vians return, I shall go with them.

McCoy: You mean, if I hadn't given him that shot

Spock: Precisely. The choice would have been the captain's. Now it is mine.

(McCoy turns away. Spock sits to carry on working. Gem puts her hand on Spock's shoulder, and smiles. McCoy comes up behind him and gives him an injection.)

Spock: Your action is highly unethical. My decision stands. (Spock falls asleep next to Kirk.)

McCoy: Not this time, Spock.

Underneath all the fighting and disagreements, there is a deep caring between Spock and McCoy that manifests itself into protectiveness towards each other. In “All of Yesterdays,” Spock is constantly showing concern for McCoy after he almost died of hypothermia. In aftermath of McCoy’s torture in “The Empath,” Spock is seen hovering over his body and caressing his face, worry written into his features. On the other hand, while McCoy constantly makes fun of Spock for his lack of emotions, he’s also highly aware of the Vulcan’s mental state and protective of it when others threaten to shatter his resilience.

McCoy: He's a Vulcan. You can't force emotion out of him.

Philana: You must be joking, Doctor.

McCoy: You'll destroy him.

Parmen: We can't let him die laughing, can we?

McCoy: (Watching as Spock starts to cry) I beg you! (Plato’s Stepchildren)

The episode “Amok Time” also demonstrates McCoy’s perceptiveness of Spock and Spock’s true feelings of friendship towards McCoy. McCoy is in fact the first person to notice that something is wrong with Spock:

McCoy: Oh, captain. Got a minute? It's Spock. Have you noticed anything strange about him?

Kirk: No, nothing in particular. Why ?

McCoy: Well, it's nothing I can pinpoint without an examination, but he's become increasingly restive. If he were not a Vulcan, I'd almost say nervous. And for another thing, he's avoiding food. I checked and he hasn't eaten at all in three days.

Kirk: That just sounds like Mister Spock in one of his contemplative phases.

Kirk doesn’t notice anything wrong with Spock, and initially dismisses McCoy’s concern, but McCoy immediately picked up on Spock’s mental turmoil. Despite his cantankerousness, McCoy not only cares about Spock but goes out of his way to look out for his mental state. Part of it might be because he’s his doctor, but how many doctors go so far as to monitor someone’s eating habits because they notice that person’s suddenly being fidgety? On Spock’s end, when it comes time for him to beam down to Vulcan to complete his marriage ceremony, he specifically asks for McCoy to be there:

Spock: By tradition, the male is accompanied by his closest friends.

Kirk: Thank you, Mister Spock.

Spock: I also request McCoy accompany me.

McCoy: I shall be honoured, sir.

One episode I find extremely fascinating in terms of McCoy/Spock moments is “Mirror, Mirror.” In this famous episode, half of the Enterprise crew get transported into an alternate universe dubbed The Mirror Verse, in which evil versions of the characters exist and terrorize space as a fearsome military force. McCoy is part of the team that gets transported in the Mirror Verse, while Spock stays in their regular universe. Mirror Spock immediately realizes that half of the crew, including Kirk and McCoy, are acting strangely. When he corners Kirk to question him, he does so by threatening McCoy: “I shall not waste time with you. You’re too inflexible, too disciplined, once you’ve made up your mind. But Doctor McCoy has a plenitude of human weaknesses, sentimental, soft. You may not tell me what I want to know, but he will.” This Spock seems to have a intimate knowledge of McCoy’s mind.  When the party decides to attack Mirror Spock, he fights all of them except for Uhura and McCoy, who he simply pushes out of harm’s way.

When Mirror Spock gets hurt as the crew is trying to escape back to their own universe, McCoy is suddenly unable to leave his side. Kirk allows him to stay to nurse Spock back to health, and McCoy risks almost staying in the Mirror Verse forever for him. When Mirror Spock awakes, he backs McCoy into a wall and initiates a forced mind meld onto the doctor. The next scene has Mirror Spock holding a disoriented McCoy up and bringing him back to his crew; he now understands what is happening and he wants his regular crew back, and thus he allows Kirk and company to make the switch back to their own universe.

Other Star Trek properties have gone more in depth on how a forced mind meld can be extremely traumatizing on the person receiving it. Star Trek: Enterprise has an entire story arc dedicated to the Vulcan T’Pol trying to heal from a forced mind meld. Unfortunately, because the nature of TOS episodes were episodic, we never got the chance to explore the emotional fallout of McCoy’s forced mind meld and how that might have affected his relationship with Spock. The franchise also never went in depth on Mirror McCoy outside of what Mirror Spock speaks of him, since Mirror McCoy died of xenopolycythemia in 2269.

Closing the list of evidence of Spock and McCoy’s affections towards each other are the Star Trek movies “The Wrath of Khan” and “The Search for Spock.” Towards the end of Wrath of Khan, Spock sacrifices himself to save The Enterprise in one of the franchises most heart-wrenching scenes. Moments before his sacrifice, he knocks McCoy unconscious, touches his face and whispers “remember.” What happened in this scene was that Spock, knowing he was about to die, transferred his Katra to McCoy. The katra being the Vulcan equivalent of a soul. This speaks to the amount of trust that Spock has in McCoy. For someone who keeps most of his emotions under a tight lid, it’s a huge gesture to entrust another with the essence of their entire being. The next movie, The Search for Spock, is a journey as the Enterprise crew fight to return to Vulcan so they can reunite Spock with his body. When they finally arrive, the Vulcans warn McCoy that the process is extremely dangerous and could even result in his death. McCoy calmly replies that he “chooses the danger.” He cannot fathom living his life without Spock.

McCoy: (Speaking to Spock) I'm going to tell you something that I... I never thought I'd hear myself say...But it seems I've missed you. I don't know if I could stand to lose you again.

So in conclusion, Spock and McCoy have a rich and complex relationship that is much more than simply just “they dislike each other because they bicker a lot.” Their bickering is more akin to that of an old married couple. There are plenty of examples not even included in this post of how deeply they care for each other. Despite their ideological differences, they balance each other out quite nicely. McCoy is finely attuned to Spock’s emotions, arguably better than anyone else on the ship. Spock in turn is protective and gentle with McCoy. Once you stop looking at their interactions solely on the surface level, you’ll be able to see the tenderness and years of love and friendship between them. This is why I think Spock/McCoy is one of the most underrated and misunderstood relationships of TOS. Don’t let the constant arguing fool you into believing these two dummies don’t adore each other.

Shout-out to Tempest for their extremely lengthy ship manifesto on Spones called “Spiced Peaches,” which goes even more in depth on why Spones is a great couple. Using their manifesto as a reference was key to remembering Spock/McCoy moments. Also shout-out to the site chakoteya for having full transcripts of TOS episodes, so I could easily find quotes for this. If you’ve come this far, thanks for reading!

[procrastinatingsapphictrash]

I came back for you

Word count: 2123

Genre: Angst but happy end

Pairing: Natasha x gn!reader

Warnings: Abusive prison/government (let me know if I need to add any)

Request: Hey, so this is kind of a weird request, but could you do a Nattie x Powered! Reader during Civil War, where Nat, of course, is on Tony's team, and the Reader is trying to keep the peace between the two teams. Maybe the government takes (Y/n) and puts her in a shock collar like Wanda's because they think she was on Steve's team? Sorry this is so weird . . .

Summary: You are neutral in the fight, or so you think before you are told you can't be and are taken away with the rest of Cap's team.

A/n: Thanks @thewidowsghost for requesting this! Honestly I didn't plan on writing anything or posting anything today but I saw that I had a little bit of this done and to be honest my day has sucked so I needed a distraction and this worked perfectly. Also I could someone tell me how the formatting looks? I'm trying the new beta editor and I think I'm doing things right but idk. Anyways I hope you all enjoy!

As you take in the scene that surrounds you you can’t believe that you once considered everybody to be a big weird family. Certainly none of them are acting like it now. It breaks your heart to see them on opposite sides, throwing themselves at each other because apparently their personal beliefs are more important than their friends.

Neither of them are right or wrong in your opinion. There’s too many factors and both options suck, it’s the government’s fault for placing the team in this situation. However you are not happy with the way anyone is handling it, especially Steve, Tony and Natasha. Both Tony and Steve are acting based on what they think is right without considering the other sides to the story, although you can’t say that’s surprising coming from them. You do know that they genuinely do care for others but they can be very hard headed and neither of them like to be wrong.

It’s Natasha who you’re most disappointed in though, you thought that she would be a better negotiation, helping ease the tension but she’s out there fighting like the rest of the idiots. You thought that she would agree with you and try to bring together the two sides.

You narrow your eyes and zoom in your vision to the far side of the airport where you see Spiderman. You have no idea who he is but you can tell just by looking at him that he’s only a kid and it was irresponsible of everyone to let him be here and to fight him. You use your superspeed to get to him quickly and take him out of the way of flying cars and leave him by the side where it should be relatively safe.

“Stay here.” you tell him.

“But-”

You glare. “Stay here.”

You rush off before you can make sure he listens because you can hear a grunt of pain from Rhodney. He’s lying on the ground with Tony standing over him and Sam a few meters back. The fight seems to be ending now, you see the plane leaving and the rest of the avengers start to gather but it doesn’t matter because the damage is already done. You don’t know exactly what happened but it looks like a freak accident, somehow nobody’s fault and yet everybody’s fault for getting into this situation in the first place.

The mood is weird, as if everybody is holding their breath and taking in what they’ve done. In the background you can hear trucks pulling up and footsteps follow soon after. The first man grabs Wanda and she blasts him back lightly so he falls down. Immediately a circle forms around her, everyone pointing their guns. Clint takes a step in, raising his arms and trying to calm the situation down but the guns shift to him and one agent steps forward and roughly grabs him, forcing his wrists into cuffs.

They go for Sam next and he looks pissed but lets them cuff him without comment. Scott looks completely confused and out of his depth. You don’t know him but it’s obvious that he is not trained for these types of situations and is in over his head.

It’s Wanda that makes your heart break the most though. She’s like a little sister to you so seeing the tears in her eyes and the terror on her face as the agents move in to cuff her makes you want to wrap your arms around her and promise it will all be okay. But you can’t, that would be a lie because everything is not okay and trying to hug her would only make things worse.

The agents start to move away, leading Cap's team to their trucks to be taken away. One of them turns back and notices you, murmuring something to the agents beside them. Before you can even understand what is happening they are right back and grabbing at your arms roughly. Naturally you try to pull away but they are strong and once you realize what is happening you stop struggling.

“I didn’t pick a side,” you try to explain, “I was just trying to make sure everyone was okay.”

“You didn’t sign the accords and therefore have no right to be here.” one of the men tells you. You look towards Tony’s team for help but they all seem to be busy. Tony and Vision are trying to make sure Rhodney is okay and the kid is luckily back where you left him. T’challa is shaking hands with one of the agents and although it makes you sick because of the way they are treating some of the others you understand, he does have a country to run and his people must come first after all.

Natasha is the only one not doing anything and she meets your eyes. You silently beg her to do something, anything against what is happening. She stares you straight in the eye and shakes her head. You actually shiver at how cold her look is because you never thought that would be directed at you, you thought that the two of you were close.

“I’m not going to help you Y/n, you made your own choice and I made mine.” Is all she says before turning away. You watch her back as long as you can as you are led into the trucks, wondering how everything went wrong so quickly.

---

Nobody talks. You aren’t even sure if you’re allowed to. There is no way what they are doing is legal but who is going to argue with the government. A secret prison built just for enhanced individuals and imprisoning people without trial isn’t right. You were neutral before but the more you see of how the government operates the more you start to lean towards supporting Steve and the rest of his “team”.

You shift slightly because the shock collar is getting even more uncomfortable. Wanda is wearing one too, probably since the two of you are the only ones that have powers unrelated to technology and suits. She looks smaller than ever in her cell and you close your eyes because if you continue to look at her you know you’ll end up crying.

Nothing changes throughout the day until you hear the door creak open. Everyone glares when they see it’s Tony and he and Clint share a few words before Tony practically begs Sam for information. Sam’s reluctant but gives in, seeing that Tony is sincere and knowing that although he disagrees with Tony it’s not really his fault that you’re all here, it’s the government’s.

When Tony leaves things go silent again for a few hours. You haven’t been fed since you’ve gotten here, you realize, but you aren’t hungry anyways, your mind can’t stop picturing the fight, being arrested and most of all Natasha’s attitude towards you. It hurts even more than you would like to admit. You considered her your best friend but you also had feelings for her and you were dumb enough to think that just maybe she felt the same things about you. Obviously that is completely untrue and you wonder if even your friendship was a lie.

“How long do you think we’ll be stuck here for?” Wanda asks finally and although her voice is quiet you wince at how it breaks the silence.

“I don’t know kid.” Clint responds. “Too long. My wife is going to kill me and my kids-”

He stops himself, getting a little choked up which surprises you. You’ve never seen him this emotional before.

“I already miss my daughter.” Scott adds on and there is a moment of understanding that passes between the two of them.

“I don’t have my own family but I’m going to miss my sister.” Sam says. “She probably won’t even find out what’s happening until it’s on the news, if the news even covers it.”

“I miss the team.” you add. “Before this fight, we weren’t perfect but I considered everyone family.”

“So did I.” Wanda says and you all take a moment to miss what used to be.

“I miss pizza.” Sam jokes, trying to lighten the mood. It works and soon everyone is adding on ridiculous things they miss and things they want to do when you get out (you can’t even think about the fact that the “when” might actually be “if”).

Your eyes snap to the door when it opens and everyone shuts up immediately. You look warily at Natasha, unsure of why she’s here. Maybe the government sent her in to interrogate, god knows she is amazing at that and you honestly wouldn’t be able to not talk to her, as much as you’re mad at her right now.

She doesn’t speak, going straight towards Sam’s door and kneeling down, fiddling with the lock. After a few seconds it clicks and the door swings open.

“When did you switch sides?” He asks, raising his eyebrows, impressed.

“I don’t pick sides, I do what makes the most sense and right now breaking you out is the right thing to do. Besides I’m wanted now too, apparently the government doesn’t like it when you aid fugitives in escaping.” she responds smoothly, moving onto Wanda’s cell and repeating her actions until it opens.

“Do you know how to take the collar off?” she asks and Sam nods. He gets to work while Natasha moves on. Both Clint and Scott pass at her offer of freeing them. They both look like they’re itching to escape but you respect that they’re putting their families first.

You’re surprised by how emotional you get when she unlocks your cell. You thought she didn’t care about you so to have her here now is amazing and makes you feel bad you ever doubted that she would do the right thing.

“Y/n, it’s okay, I’ve got you.” she tells you as she undoes your shock collar carefully, doing her best to not hurt you.

“I-I thought you didn’t care about me anymore.” you admit, a single tear dripping down your face.

She wipes it away with her thumb. “Oh sweetheart I care about you so much, more than you could ever know and I want you to always remember that, promise me.”

You nod, sniffing. “I promise Tasha.”

“Good because I came back for you and I will always come back for you.” she says, leaning in closer. You look down at her lips as she continues to lean in because she is so close and it seems like she’s going to kiss you.

“Glad to know Y/n was the only reason you came back.” Sam says, smirking. You love him but you also want to strangle him right now, that bastard could totally see what was happening and ruined the moment on purpose.

Natasha flips him the finger but otherwise ignores him. “Steve and Bucky are waiting in the jet outside, I was able to dismantle alarms and cameras but we only have a few minutes left so follow me and be quiet.”

She grabs your hand as she moves out of your cell and you walk with her, the others trailing behind slightly. The halls are clear and it’s only a few turns before she ushers everyone into a vent. It’s a tight squeeze but you make it through and you pop out to find sturdy wires attached to the side of the raft coming from a nearby jet. Wanda and Sam each take one and their wires retract, pulling them into the jet. You gulp nervously, heights are definitely not one of your favourite things.

“We have to go Y/n.” Natasha whispers just as alarms start to sound, the noises loud with flashing lights.

You take a deep breath and grab the remaining wire and once you’re secure Natasha grabs it too. Closing your eyes tightly so you don’t look down you feel a strange whooshing sensation before it disappears and your feet touch down on the jet floor.

“So what next?” Sam asks once you’ve all collected yourselves, directing his question at Steve.

“We lie low and try to help as best we can.” he responds, sighing heavily. “We’ll figure out the details as we go, what matters is that everybody is safe.”

Natasha holds your hand again and squeezes it tightly. “And that we are together.” she whispers into your ear so only you hear.

You squeeze her hand tightly back. Your relationship with her has gone through a rollercoaster of a day and is mostly undefined but she’s right, all that matters is that you’re together now and you wouldn’t rather be with anyone else.

---

Taglist: @fayhar @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @acertainredhead @madamevirgo @megaqueenmaeve @cherryblossomskye @aaron-despair @chickenhavewisdom @emril-osvigne @nyankitty987 @agathaharkness-simp @thewidowsghost @nyx-aira @stephanieromanoff @satxnsupreme @likefirenrain @wlwlovesreading @stop-drop-and-drumroll @peggycarter-steverogers @casperlikej @redswing @mochamoff @king-star @blackbat2020

[brewedlove]

Love Letters

Series/Fandom: Coffee Talk

Character (x reader): Freya, Lua, Baileys

Relationship to Reader: Romantic

Reader Specifications: None

Word Count: 821

Warnings: None

Requested: No

A/N: I know Lua and Baileys are canonically in a relationship. Either think of this as they’re not, make it polyamorous, or ignore it. The lack of Coffee Talk content on here makes me sad so I’ll contribute to it despite the little information to go off of from everyone but I did my best to keep them in character. If the creators of the game doesn’t want me to write about them, just let me know because.. Yeah. Once again, the Reader’s gender, sex, nationality, ethnicity, and species/race are unspecified so I think everyone should be free to read.

UPDATED A/N: If you recognize this piece on a different blog under the name @iwritesinsandsins it’s because Tumblr silenced all my posts there so I’m starting over again. (／ˍ・、)

~

Gently sliding the paper over the smooth counter, the barista dodges questions that could reveal your identity as you had requested, leaving the sender of the note anonymous. Instead, they encourage the recipient to read it, carefully observing their reaction to the love letter.

Freya

Freya thought it was a prank at first but as a writer, she can recognize genuine words and raw emotion when she sees it so she knows that the love letter is real.

She phrases her questions towards the barista in a certain way that’s meant to get them to unintentionally leak information, hoping that her skill would help her figure out the sender.

Unfortunately, the barista is all too familiar with how Freya works and not even a hint is given aside from the note itself which leads her to go into a detective mode.

Whenever she’s free, she tries to visit Coffee Talk as soon as they open and will stay until closing, analyzing and talking to each patron.

When she narrows down everyone else, her mind is certain that it’s you.

She’s pretty bold and may oh so casually mention a letter that was given to her by an anonymous writer.

Once she is able to confirm that it’s you, laughter shakes her body but she’s not laughing at you; she’s laughing because it was fun for her to try and figure out which patron did it like a detective.

Freya genuinely thinks that the love letter is sweet and compliments your writing, going into depth about the aspects that she loves about it and may nonchalantly slip in a compliment or two about you.

With a giddy grin, she’ll invite you to meet up at Coffee Talk tomorrow night - it’s a date.

Lua

The corner of Lua’s lips pulled up into a bashful smile while she reads the letter but is disappointed when the barista won’t tell her who wrote it

She can respect that, though once she learns that the writer wished for their identity to remain anonymous.

While she doesn’t push for more information, she does ask the barista to give them her thanks whenever they see them again.

Lua keeps the note safe at home in a secret little compartment and sometimes looks back on it and lets herself feel that warmth inside of her as she rereads it over and over again.

Admittedly, there’s a part of her that is nervous about the whole thing; she has a fear that her secret admirer is actually just someone toying with or making fun of her.

Though just as she has her doubts, she also carries hope in the emotions expressed in the love letters as she slowly grows to reciprocate the same feelings.

To keep her interest, you must continue to leave her letters to the point where she begins to prolong her visits at the shop in hopes to catch whoever has been sending her these sweet messages.

One night, she overheard you talking with the barista and recognized the familiar speech pattern and your choice of words before she carefully approached you and ended up being pulled into the conversation.

Lua isn’t completely sure if it was you or not but with time, she slowly confirms her suspicions and knows that it was really you that captured her heart.

Baileys

Baileys’ got a playful smile on his face once he finishes reading the note and asks the barista if they were the one that wrote it to which they deny.

When he learns that the writer wishes to keep their identity a secret, he sighs, “Guess it can’t be helped, huh?” but he’s not disappointed in the slightest.

He keeps the note in his pocket and whenever he can, he’ll pull it out to analyze the writing to see if he can recognize it as anyone that he knows.

The barista will begin to see him around the shop more often and he makes it blatantly obvious; it’s clear that he wants to find the person.

Whenever he’s there, he’ll chat up the barista or will subtly manage to slip into conversations with other patrons, trying to pull out hints from them since he naturally has a way with words.

Baileys thrives off the mystery and the barista has told you about how excited he gets upon receiving another letter despite his cool exterior.

At this point, he’s really hoping that this isn’t just someone toying with him and that these words of confession are real because now he’s fallen for this anonymous person, too.

It isn’t until he finds himself talking to you that he’s certain you’re his secret admirer and is trying to impress you with his skills and knowledge and maybe cracking a few jokes.

Baileys is obvious about his interest and will offer to help you with anything, even if it’s not in his field or he’ll invite you out somewhere next time you’re both free.

[kamreadsandrecs]

Title: Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation (Mo Dao Zu Shi) Vol. 2 Author: Mo Xiang Tong Xiu Genre/s: mystery, horror, historical, queer romance Content/Trigger Warning/s: homophobia, death, violence, body horror, forcibly blinding and muting others, emotional abuse, consumption of alcohol Summary (from publisher website): Following the trail of a dismembered corpse, Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji arrive at the gates of Yi City: an old, abandoned town shrouded in mist and restless spirits. A fiendish foe awaits them in the shadows, heralding a tale of heartbreak and tragedy. When the mysterious corpse’s identity is finally revealed, the hunt for its killer plunges Wei Wuxian back into the depths of the cultivation world’s politics, where he must keep his enemies close and Lan Wangji even closer. Buy Here: https://sevenseasentertainment.com/books/grandmaster-of-demonic-cultivation-mo-dao-zu-shi-novel-vol-2/ Spoiler-free Review: So I’ve been going through these books pretty quickly because I can’t put them down, and I have to say, this volume is VERY much a step up from the previous one in terms of plot. First, I have to admit: I clearly see why the fans of this series ship Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji so very, very hard. Their romantic connection really starts chugging along in this novel compared to the last one, and I have to say I’m enjoying the ride thus far. It’s hilarious reading about how Lan Wangji tries to hide his feelings from Wei Wuxian, while also expecting Wei Wuxian to remember things that he clearly does not. Wei Wuxian, on the other hand, is obviously on an emotional rollercoaster as he goes through the highs and lows of “Am I or aren’t I?” regarding his romantic feelings for Lan Wangji, and while it’s funny, it also makes me hope he gets over himself fast enough so that he can stop breaking Lan Wangji’s heart whenever he plays things off as a joke, or claims not to remember something (even if that last bit is often true). They also actually develop as characters in this volume, as compared to the previous one, so it’s easier to be even more attached to them and want to see what happens to them as the story goes on. On top of that, the ending of this volume really drives home their romantic connection and sets it up for the next volume, which I’ll be reading as soon as I manage to get a copy. And it’s not just Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji who are interesting characters in this novel; it’s the others as well. I wasn’t entirely fond of Jin Ling, for instance, in the first volume, but in this volume - especially during the events in Yi City - I’ve developed a soft spot for him, as well as for the Lan clan juniors who went through that whole harrowing mess. Lan Sizhui will always be my favorite, I think, but Lan Jingyi comes close too, now that it’s clear he’s just a really emotional kid and therefore does not fit the typical mold Lan disciples tend to fit into. But what really stood out to me in this volume is the theme of truth, and how perception and power can alter what is considered truth, and what is considered false. I won’t go into it too much, since doing so would be spoiling the whole thing, but suffice to say that the Yi City story parallels the later Golden Carp Tower story, and it’s FASCINATING to see how knowing the first story (which reads like its own self-contained arc) affects how one reads the second story. To be fair, the groundwork for these themes was already laid in the first volume, but it’s here, in the second volume, that those themes really come to the fore and are highlighted - to heartbreaking and tragic effect. It’s also clear this is a theme that’ll run across the entirety of the series due to how it also applies to Wei Wuxian and his history as the Yiling Patriarch, so this is a thread that will clearly develop alongside others as the story progresses. Another theme that I would like to make note of is the concept of orthodoxy vs. heresy - at least where it applies to cultivation techniques. It’s clear that there’s a line drawn between “proper” techniques and “improper” ones, and that application and development of the latter is what got Wei Wuxian in trouble. I’m not quite clear yet on why Wei Wuxian’s techniques were considered so terrible beyond how he was fond of using ghosts and the dead - but then, I guess that’s what the next volumes are for. Still, this theme ties in quite nicely with the whole “truth is what you perceive it to be” theme I mentioned earlier, so it’s going to be interesting to see how this works out further down the line. Overall, this is a great continuation of the series, and I’m going to be diving right back into the third volume as soon as I get it because I really need to go know what happens next. Rating: Five forehead ribbons Thoughts (cut for spoilers):

- The tragedy of Xue Yang, Xiao Xingchen, and Song Lan in the Yi City arc so clearly parallels what is going on between the Three Zun Nie Mingjue, Lan Xichen, and Jin Guangyao that it brings a delicious sense of foreshadowing - which is kind of borne out by the events at the very end of this volume. I’m not sure if these parallels were deliberate on the author’s part, but I still like it as a method for setting up what goes on in the Golden Carp Tower symposium

[kookiepredictions]

Jungkook Twin Flame Reading

A little post in honour of Jungkook’s birthday after which I’ll be taking a break :)

 Jungkook Twin Flame Reading

 The relationship dynamic between Jungkook and his TF is so interesting to me. To say that they are made for each other is a huge understatement. If human beings have several layers and levels to their being, then it is safe to say that Jungkook and his TF are compatible at every level; that’s how “destined” they are. Even if you take away the spiritual aspect of their connection and just focus on the earthly, physical dimension, they are the type of people who would be instantly drawn to each other. It’s not enough said that they are each other’s type. They could walk into a room full of people and instantly pick the other. Each has the physical appearance that the other finds attractive, the personality that the other admires, and their overall goals and ambitions in life too are very compatible. Whether they hit each other up at the bar, met in a park, hooked up on Tinder, or had an arranged marriage, it doesn’t matter— they would end up together. It’s like in the movie ‘The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind’, where the protagonists erase each other’s memories repeatedly but still end up falling in love every time they meet again. Now you would say, how nice for them, that must make their TF journey so much easier than others’, but (very) interestingly, no, it makes it just the more difficult.

Since they are so obviously compatible, picking each other is an obvious option. It’s like, I don’t need to be divinely guided to pick you; I’d do it anyway. And this is what makes the connection so confusing because there are literally 2 Levels in this connection: 1, where they can just be together as partners or spouses or whatever other earthly relationship term they want to subscribe to, and 2, where they can show up as the Divine Masculine and Feminine and hence have a higher dimensional connection. The difference between these 2 options is that the 1st, while not terrible, would be a mere earthly connection wherein both operate from their wounded selves and therefore their love has conditions, projections, and therefore hurts and problems. This type of relationships is not very uncommon to find and one might even argue that what’s so bad with that? Every relationship has problems. That’s normal. But then I urge you to ask yourselves, is it normal or it is normalized? Also, it might be commonly seen, but with their potential to be Twin Flames, Jungkook and his DF are not here to have a “normal” connection. And they are definitely not here to subscribe to the normalized version of love as it exists in the world right now. As TF counterparts, they have been given a choice to opt for more, also known in the TF community as creating new relationship templates. This is why I had mentioned in one of my previous posts that simply being born and then meeting your TF counterpart does not automatically make you each other’s Twin Flames— it only makes you “potential” TFs. It’s only when you show up as your most authentic or Divine self that you are actually “being” TFs. This is not a very simple phenomenon to understand and a lot of times, TF counterparts meet each other and are caught up in the earthly, or lower chakra attraction that they feel for each other. This looks like intense sexual attraction, daydreaming and overthinking about each other, and being almost addicted to each other. Is this a very bad thing? No, definitely not. Understand that the lower chakras represent our earthly existence and as such, all experiences stemming from them ground us onto that aspect of life and done right, it’s a beautiful experience. Also, one thing I disagree with a lot of people about is that the TF connection is not romantic. Oh but it is! The TF connection is not a fairytale. Heck yeah it is! But I also understand where they are coming from. I think the problem is in the way the words “romance” and “fairytale” are perceived these days. I don’t know about you, but fairytales to me are all about boy meets girl, fall in love, want to be together but problems arise, misunderstandings happen, third parties interfere, sorrows and tears, breakthrough, problem-solving, maybe even some fights, songs and dances, and finally, union. This don’t look like the TF connection to you? Of course, the TF journey is not so oversimplified, linear or one-dimensional, and doesn’t end in like 1 ½ hours. But that’s still the gist though. As for romance, again, I earnestly think the meaning of romance is so skewed right now, it makes me sad. As far as I have lived (and loved), romance has never been just about wining and dining, flowers and chocolates, singing and dancing (although they are a part of that and a very fun one at that). For me, the TF connection is romance at its peak. If romance is defined as the expression of love and affection, then there can be absolutely nothing more romantic than a person who would stop at NOTHING to be with you, to the point that they would take an axe and strike down their own ego, burn and destroy themselves over and over again to be their most authentic self because they see you and think, you’re worth it. So many people in the world right now would rather replace you with someone else simply because they are too proud to look into themselves and heal their wounds that are stopping them from experiencing true love, and continue living with their masks on. Masked people bringing flowers and diamonds and basically everything else other than their heart has never been a romantic notion for me. But yes, the skewed definition of romance these days does not accommodate such depth of the emotion and expression of love, so it’s limited to being perceived (and executed) as materialistic and surface-level exhibition.

TFs, upon meeting each other for the first time, experience all of these earthly tendencies. In itself, it’s not a bad thing at all. It’s sweet, spicy and exciting because seldom do you find a person that gets your heart racing like that. The “relationship” too, seems within your reach. But just when you reach out for them, the tower moments happen. This is when TFs realize that there is much more than what appears on the surface and you got to dig deeper. With Jungkook and his DF, it just was even more confusing because them being so compatible and an “obvious choice” for each other, the delays and the “ifs” and “buts” just did not make sense. This was especially Jungkook’s energy where he was more focused on the earthly manifestation of this connection because that’s what made sense to him— boy meets girl, fall in love, together bam! (Lol I had to make that joke cuz it’s a special day). He was also focused more on the external manifestations of problems in the connection, for example, he would think, I cannot be with the DF because of X, Y, Z. But the TF journey, like any other spiritual journey, will always teach you to look inward. Any problem and situation in life is always the external manifestation of something that is wrong inside, and therefore that’s where all solutions lie. On the other hand, as DFs are usually initiated into the spiritual journey first and are more concerned with that aspect of the connection (explained in detail in a previous post), his DF kept running away from him because Jungkook’s state of mind was not supportive of her spiritual quests. It’s important to understand that neither of them was consciously doing this; both did what they did because that’s what made sense to them at their level of healing. As the “lead” in this journey though, somehow it all started with the DF. She felt the call to opt for that higher dimension in their connection and to move away from him when he wasn’t in the ready state to even understand, let alone, support that spiritual aspect, which is what is known as the Separation— the part where both parties need to focus on their own healing. However, it’s one thing to know what to do, and quite another to embody that knowledge and act on it with the trust that everything will ultimately work out. So for a while, she too was caught up in her lower dimensional cravings. It’s safe to say that just like Jungkook, she was terrified of losing him because like I said, even in a non-TF way, they seemed so perfect for each other, you just do not want to miss the chance to at least give it a shot. But her soul would be tugging at her to complete the tasks that she had undertaken prior to incarnation, in other words, her soul contract, so she wouldn’t be able to be fully present in this connection either. And so she would do this thing where she would take a step forward towards her destiny and then look back at Jungkook where he was in his journey to see if he would join her. Repeatedly. But this connection IS about your soul journey, her indecision and mental to and fro would energetically keep Jungkook in an indecisive and back and forth state too. It’s like everytime she would look back to see if she was making a mistake, Jungkook would look back to see if he was making a mistake. This was keeping him attached to his karmic situations, which would then drain him, which would make him want his DF more to fill him up, which would create energy drainage for the DF which would ultimately repel the DF and she would want to run far, far away from him. This pushing him away in turn would hurt and confuse Jungkook and he would start doubting the connection and his self worth and start thinking that he doesn’t deserve her and that she is staying away from him because she isn’t interested in him and it’s all in his head, and so he would think of walking away from her before she leaves him. This is the push and pull dynamic in this connection and this was the loop that they were stuck in for a while.

Over time though, his DF has been inching closer and closer to her destined path, trying to find faith in herself, in the connection and in Jungkook and has been looking back less. Recognizing her role as the lead, she has had to make the difficult decision to solely focus on herself and put Jungkook out of her mind— a “whatever happens, happens, I’m not abandoning myself for anyone anymore” kind of a decision. This has been difficult for her because she has always naturally been someone who puts other people’s needs before her own. When she likes someone, it has always made sense for her to almost sacrifice all her needs and wants for the other person’s. However, this energy has never been reciprocated to her in her previous connections, and her life would always eventually turn out to be one where her needs were always in the backburner. As I had said in a previous post, when she first meets Jungkook, the way he treated her was quite different from others. While other men would make these big show of love while ignoring the smallest, most basic things about her, Jungkook was observant of the little subtle things about her and more importantly, always willing and even seeking to do things that felt tailormade for her. While other people made their moves with agenda, Jungkook had this energy of just vibing in the moment, doing little things, making her smile. It was like he had even forgotten to set a purpose or intention of interacting with her; he just did what he did because it made him so happy. This caused her to put down her guard and a connection was made. However, this connection, or specifically, the happiness and bliss in the connection did not last long because both were interacting from a co-dependent place— they were both doing things trying to seek happiness from the other, to fill an empty void in themselves. But as I discussed earlier, when you seek something outside of yourself, it is never enough because that void can only be filled by you. So, what started as a beautiful and fun connection started morphing into a confusing, draining and hurtful one. This was very the signal to start levelling up into a higher dimension of the connection— the connection in itself wasn’t wrong; it was just that it was established in a lower, 3D dimension that was keeping it embroiled in pain and struggle. The DF was the first to recognize this and felt it in her heart to first, individually level up. But as said earlier, she was constantly looking back in doubt, afraid she might just lose him, which, true to the TF connection, kept Jungkook stuck in a fear of losing her. When Jungkook is stuck in the energy of this fear for long enough, external problems would manifest to reflect and amplify that fear, which then, as I said, would make him want to leave her first before she could leave him, because he felt that he loved her too much to ever be able to bear the pain of his heart being broken by her.

In present times, his DF has been a lot more confident in herself and in this connection. This has happened because she has spent considerable amount of time healing her trauma patterns which has immensely increased her faith in the Divine and she is able to see this connection clearly, not just from a knowledge point of view, but also from a deep feeling. In the past, she was stuck in the confusion of “if he is right for me, then how does it make sense to leave him behind?”, the same confusion that Jungkook had. But then again, when she stayed behind, there would be all these differences of opinions between them and problems and hurt would ensue. Both saw each other as their destination and yet, the path each proposed to take was different. Jungkook took the more rational, practical path while his DF was inclined to the more spiritual, “listen to the Divine, have faith and let go” path. Incidentally, the spiritual path is not irrational either. The real, practical problems in their connection did not go unnoticed by the DF. She noticed the co-dependency, the fact that she was constantly putting her own needs behind to try to address his needs and also the fact that even after that, Jungkook was still stuck in fear, doubt, confusion and misery. But more than anything else, she saw the once-beautiful connection deteriorate every day. This was painful to her because from the moment she saw Jungkook, as an intuitive and foresighted woman, she knew he was the one, and that this would be a beautiful and fulfilling connection, and the start had even been that way. The intense attraction, waiting for each other everyday, daydreaming when they were alone, every love song finally making sense— stuff straight out of a movie or a romance novel. But this reality kept slipping off, and it hurt her to see it all go down the drain. So when she realized that this connection needed to be anchored to a higher frequency, she had to make the choice of walking away from him to work on herself. She knew that she wasn’t being her most authentic, divine self, and as such, wouldn’t be able to create an authentic and divine connection. While in the past she was afraid of being judged by him for the choices and decisions she made, more recently she has stepped into the confidence that living her life from her heart is not something she should ever be afraid of, and if Jungkook is the divinely destined partner that she thought he was, he would never stand in the way of her living a life that made her happy. She also knew that unless she heals herself from her own trauma and wounds, she would not be able to love him right either. She isn’t perfect and in the past she has done many a hurtful things to people she loved and she is afraid unhealed, she would do the same to Jungkook. In this energy, she foresees the connection to become riddled with problems and trauma bonding and she would rather leave him and this connection right this instant where it is still relatively peaceful, than create a reality where they hurt each other that much. It’s funny that in her past relationships, whenever she hurt her partner, she would feel guilty for behaving that way more because she feels it was beneath who she is, but on hindsight she will be like, well they still deserved it for being complete jerks to me. But with Jungkook, she feels like she wouldn’t be able to ever willingly hurt him because she believes he doesn’t deserve to ever be treated that way, so it could only mean that in such a state, she would only hurt herself each time and she didn’t want that for herself either, so she feels like she’d rather stay away from him and the connection than cause all that. This is similar to how Jungkook feels about her as well, which is why no matter how tough it gets for him to go on without her, he always reminds himself that he couldn’t possibly with her until he became capable enough to give her all the happiness that she deserves, so that’s where they would mirror each other. And yet, everytime he feels empty, he wants to reach out to her. However, as the DF has started becoming confident in the connection, and stopped looking back in doubt, Jungkook has been feeling confident too. The more she heals, he heals. Now, they are both on their adventures of finding themselves while still recognizing the presence and impact of this connection in their lives. I think they’ve both realized that trying to escape this connection is a lost war. Instead they are embracing it and letting it guide them while still learning to put themselves first. Even after all the doubts and fears, their destination still remains the same, and the path seems to be aligning as well because they are both trying to meet each other halfway. Will there be anymore problems, confusion, doubts, fears, anger, frustration? Maybe, maybe not. But like I always say, that’s not the point of life at all. Nor is that the point of relationships. Problems might still arise but unlike in the past, they won’t be swept into co-dependency. The DF has learnt to listen to her heart every time, even if Jungkook does not agree with her and will address Jungkook’s needs only when she has ensured that her own needs are met first. In return, Jungkook has learnt to trust that his DF’s path will never be separate from his— time and time again, he has seen his DF return to him, never ceasing to love him and he has learnt to trust more in the Divine to give him what he believes belongs to him. Soon enough, they will be whole, complete and happy enough on their own accord and this will create a harmonious and blissful interdependent connection between them with the earthly intense attraction as well as the divine peaceful stability.

Just to avoid an abrupt end, let me share one of my favourite quotes that aptly defines this journey (except add “vice versa”):

“A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her.”

― Maya Angelou

 Happy 24th birthday Jungkook, I hope you always know and remember that you are well loved, not because the person or the people who love you are good people, but because you deserve to be loved always. What is yours will never pass you by and what you seek, seeks you I promise. You will see, in time. Every single thing in this connection and in this journey might not make sense and it might seem long and dragged out, but if you want the other person to consider your needs, you must consider theirs too. That is true love. And it is yours. You’ve worked for it and you’ve earned it. Your DF wants you as much as you want her. But she won’t give herself to you unless she deems herself as someone you deserve and you deserve the best. She knows you already think she’s perfect but she also knows that you have the biggest, the kindest and the most accommodating heart and you would never make anyone feel lesser than. But she’s adamant lol. She says, Jungkook deserves the best and he will have the best. Please allow her the time and space to do this not just for you but also for herself— allow her to heal her insecurities so she never feels small and insignificant anywhere she goes. Don’t forget that your destination is the same. Allow her to take a different path once in a while if she so pleases, and don’t be afraid to do the same. Do what YOU want to do and what is best for you. Always. If it hurts her ego, best believe that it is HER problem to take care of. If you are meant to be, mistakes and slip ups will never get in the way of that. If you are meant to be, neither of you should ever have to hide any part of yourselves. Trust that being your most authentic selves, no matter how odd, shameful and unforgiving it might seem to you, will always bring you closer. That’s just what unconditional love is. That’s what you are divinely created to have. If you have to hide, pretend and suppress any part of you to please the other, it’s just not love, and believe you me, your connection won’t last that way. I know it’s scary, to show those parts of yourself to another, parts that even you haven’t been able to accept, embrace or forgive, then how are they going to do that? She knows and she fears the same about herself. But know that you both have to show up as who you are, otherwise this connection remains a daydream and an illusion, the bubble of which will burst sooner or later. You both have been given the opportunity to create something that is not just missing but is needed in this world right now. Take it and make the best out of it. At the end of your lives, as you sit on your porch, watching the sunset together, you will get to look back in triumph and gratitude for one hell of an adventure. Happy birthday once again! May this day be the start to the best, happiest, most fun, most exciting, most exotic, most peaceful, most authentic and most soul-ly fulfilling life you have ever wanted.

 P.S. I really wanted to make a small and compact post but for some reason I rambled on and also I feel so tired after this I want to go to sleep immediately. I don’t have the energy to see what I’ve written anymore so I hope it all made sense. See you after my break! PPS. :) :) :)