#I need some fluff to stop the tears because I guarantee when I edit it I will cry AGAIN

[blackbutler-readerinsertsandjunk]

... I wanna try a voice for Doll/Freckles, maybe gimme some lines you’d like to hear from them? <3

[streamsofstardust]

the left side of everywhere | j.t.k

jake kiszka x reader

word count: 2,746

content warnings: just a ton of fucking angst. and a little bit of fluff at the end which is shocking to me too

summary: you and jake get into an argument about your tumultuous relationship and you finally lay down the law

a/n: ok um... yikes. this is the first thing i've written that's heavily based on my own life and it's raw. it's also really hard for me to keep looking at so i just wanna post it and move on in hopes of getting some sort of cathartic release. not fully edited because i just can't keep reading through it, sorry. also listen to the song "the left side of everywhere" by sleeping with sirens. the lyrics felt on theme idk

You didn’t know what led to this moment, this argument. You couldn’t place the origin of your break, but once it started, there was no going back. you stood up from your place on his bed and looked down at him where he sat.

"i can't keep doing this back and forth, will we won't we thing, jake. I'm being patient. I'm waiting for you to be ready. I'm trying so hard but i feel like you're taking advantage of it. i need to know right here right now, do you still love me? at all?"

his gaze shifted between your eyes, his own wide and uncertain. the gears in his head turned as he thought about everything he could say, everything he'd thought of saying in the past that never came out due to his own fears. he thought about a cop out, about landing on nothing other than his usual 'i don't know.' but you'd gotten sick of the non answers, and he knew that. god, did he know that. and he knew part of you likely expected the very same answer he'd given you several times over the past two years. he opened his mouth to speak, unsure of what would come out until the sound filled the air, but you interrupted before he could begin.

"a real answer, jake. a yes or no. if i hear you say you don't know I'm walking away and i won't be able to guarantee that i'll ever come back."

that was new. you'd never gotten to that point. both of you had been unable to truly stay away from each other since the moment you met. there seemed to be a looming magnetic pull between the two of you, despite the multiple break ups that had occurred in the almost 4 years you'd known each other. he was yours, and you were his; both of you knew that without having to say it. life just got in the way too often and he couldn't help but run every single time.

now here you were, finally at your breaking point, and he knew it was his fault. all of it in the past had been his fault and he was fully aware of that too. immediately he feared there likely wouldn't be another opportunity to have this conversation. he had no choice but to push back every insecurity and anxiety he had when it came to the two of you. it was now or never.

he finally stood up from the bed, fighting back the shaking making a home throughout his body. both of his hands came up to cup your face and he stared directly into your eyes. he saw so much within them. fear, nerves, anxiety. but he also saw a sliver of hope. he knew what you wanted to hear. he felt your pulse racing beneath his calloused hands and in some way, it comforted him. regardless of the context, you were there. you were real and in front of him and he didn't deserve it but he was grateful. he couldn't keep fucking things up anymore.

a stray tear acted against your wishes and fell from your right eye. you internally groaned at the feeling, wishing for nothing other than to be able to maintain this false confidence you had seemingly pulled out of thin air. his thumb brushed it away from your freckled cheek, his brows furrowing at the sight. Jake always hated to see you cry, but he hated it more when he was the reason behind your sobs.

his gaze never left your own, but he had yet to speak and it only worried you more. you attempted to speak again, your mouth opening slightly with the words on the tip of your tongue, ready to be spoken once more, but he stopped you.

"beautiful. so effortlessly beautiful." his voice was soft, barely above a whisper. a crooked smile appeared on his plump lips before he continued. "darling i couldn't stop loving you if i tried."

it would've been easy to give in right then and there. it would've been easy to take his words for face value and move on, but you had so much more fire within you. a blazing fire that had been growing for too long and needed to be released. you rarely allowed yourself to get so angry with him, but in this moment, you had little to no control over the words that poured from your mouth.

"then what are we doing? why is this still so uncertain? i only ever wanted you, from day one. hell, before i even officially met you, i knew i wanted you more than anything." you stepped away from his grasp, jabbing a finger into his chest. "and you knew that! you've known that this whole time and yet you constantly push me away." you didn't want to be angry. you were hurt, confused, and still unable to completely process his confession. your racing thoughts didn't give you the time to. you had to get it all out now.

you watched him swallow harshly, his body language laced with stress once you were no longer being held by him. he half expected you to melt into his arms after his confession; he should've known better.

his hands fell to his sides before reaching up to pull at his hair. "because i don't know how to do this! i don't know how to do it right and i fuck up all the time. you deserve so much better. you deserve to be happy with someone who won't screw up and run away from you."

you shook your head angrily and pointed at him. "no. no you don't get to do that anymore. you don't get to say those words to me again. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the woe is me excuse and your false perception of thinking you're doing what's best for me and protecting me. you're not. that's not what this ever was."

"I'm not trying to get you to pity me. I'm not trying to persuade you of anything, but i know who i am. you know who i am. and i-"

"you're right," you cut him off. "i do know who you are. and i know who you were. the version of you from all those years ago is the version i fell head over heels in love with. i loved your kindness, your consideration, how thoughtful and respectful and sweet you were. i loved your mind and your heart. i loved every single thing about you and it seemed like you locked that version of yourself away the second things started going downhill. you pushed me away time and time again and apologized every single time just to-"

"because i didn't want to!” he stepped around you and began pacing around his bedroom; he needed to think his words over carefully before continuing. speaking on impulse had been an issue for him since you met, and he was fully aware of how quickly things could implode if he didn't take a minute to muddle over this thoughts. “believe me i knew it was the wrong move every time. i didn't want to lose you. i've never wanted to lose you but it's my worst fucking fear and the last thing i ever wanted to do was drag you down with me."

"i would've let you! we could've handled everything together. and it hurts so so much because i know the old you is still there, still buried inside. that was the real you, the truest expression of yourself and i miss it so god damn much." your tears flowed freely at this point, any effort to stop or stifle them entirely fruitless. you saw his own tears piling in his waterline, waiting to break the barrier and pour down his perfect face. it was always perfect to you.

he dropped his head and sighed, his hands coming up to rub his eyes. he always felt embarrassed when he cried. "i never deserved you. i never have and i never will. I'm selfish though, because despite knowing that, all i want is you. after everything i still want you and i haven't done anything about it because i don't believe i can make you happy."

you stepped closer to him. his insecurities seemed to become more present over the years, the voices in his head appearing much more frequently and even he could admit he couldn't handle it. he took both of your hands in his, thumbs rubbing over the backs of yours. this time you didn't pull back. this time you let him feel grounded by your presence. his gaze remained transfixed on the ground. there was still so much for him to say and it terrified him. he'd crumble to his knees if his eyes caught yours.

mere seconds passed before he spoke again, still refusing to look at your eyes. "i've never let myself get close to someone the way i did with you. i never let myself be so open with anyone. i never let anyone in. and then here you are, so perfect and unassuming and from the very beginning all you wanted was to be there for me, and no one has ever done that. you became my solace. my safe space. the person i could go to to make everything just, stop. even for a short period of time. it didn't matter if it was 5 minutes or 5 days. you made everything bad seem so insignificant. it scared the shit out of me... it still does."

you wanted to ask him questions. why he chose to run time and time again. why he never voiced any of this in the past. and then it seemed as though the two of you remembered one particular night at the very same time.

he finally looked up at you, watching as your lips trembled. it broke his heart. he inched closer toward you just the slightest bit, no more than a few inches separating your bodies.

"do you remember that night in your dorm senior year? we were laying in your bed watching some cheesy christmas movie, trying to talk about our first break up while simultaneously wanting to pretend it never happened in the first place." you nodded, waiting for him to continue, but knowing full well where he was going with his statements.

"that night i told you something id never told anyone in my life. i told you that id never felt this way about a person before. that there was something about you that i couldn't get away from. that i couldn't imagine a version of my life without you in it. and i still feel that way, i never stopped."

You pulled away again, trying to keep your anger at bay. You knew if things got too heated the conversation would go absolutely nowhere. You knew he’d close himself off again and that was the last thing you wanted. “Then what have we been doing? What have you been doing??” if he wanted you he shouldn’t have been constantly breaking it off. It made zero sense to you. Granted you knew how his brain worked. You knew why he acted the way he did, but it was exhausting. You couldn’t keep doing it.

He looked down, ashamed of everything. Sorry wouldn’t be enough, it never was.

“I- i don’t know.” it wasn’t a cop out this time. Reflecting on everything made him realize he didn’t even fully understand why he did what he did. He never wanted to lose you, but after every break up you still stayed. It was the last thing he deserved, and he knew that. He got comfortable in the fact that you never left him, even when you should’ve.

“That’s not an answer.”

“I know, i know.” he ran his hands through his hair in frustration. You didn’t want to have this conversation but what else were you going to do? Keep the cycle going? “I meant everything i said to you. About how important you are to me, how much i love you. Remember when i called you an angel in disguise? You are. You're an angel. My angel.”

You remember him saying those words clear as day. You cried when he did. That had been over two years ago and it still pulled at your heart strings.

He spoke again before giving you a chance to release your own thoughts. “You said you loved me more than life. You said forever and always. Please tell me you meant that, baby.”

You sighed, there was no point in trying to hide the truth. “Of course i did. I wouldn’t have said it if i didn’t.”

He hesitated before continuing. “Do- do you still mean it?”

You’d never heard him sound so… small. He sounded scared, he probably was. You knew your answer though.

“Somehow, yes. I still do.” the breath he released was immediate, as if your answer was going to make and break everything. It would.

“After everything i’ve done, everything i’ve put you through?” it was a valid question, and you couldn’t blame him for asking it. You took his hands in yours, both of you looking down at your entangled fingers. His touch always lit you on fire, no matter where it was. It affected him in the same way, and if the situation was different he would’ve told you exactly that.

“Nothing is going to change what happened, we both know that. But despite all of that i stayed hopeful that it would get better. And every once and a while it did, but then you just, you kept fucking running, jake. You always fucking run.”

“I know, and i swear if i could go back and make it so that never happened i would in a heart beat. I really wish i could.” his hands found purchase on your face once more, forcing you to look at him. Part of you wanted to look away, the eye contact was too much for you. You allowed him to keep your head still, though, knowing he had more to say.

“I want to be better for you, for us. I can’t do this life without you and it was stupid of me to think leaving you was ever right for either of us. You’re it for me, darling. You always have been.”

“You’re it for me too, jake. I’ve spent years trying to get you to understand that.” perhaps it was a low blow, but it was the truth.

“So where does that leave us now?”

“We can’t pretend the past is dead. We can’t take back anything that was said and done. But- but maybe we can try to move forward.” you placed your hands on his hips. “Together.”

“You’d want that? You’d still want to try with me?” his words sounded hopeful, though he knew he needed to hold back on the off chance this didn’t end well.

You took a deep breath, steadying yourself before your next words filled the air. “Yeah. yeah i really do.”

His smile was brighter than you’d ever seen. The sun and all the stars paled in comparison. You loved that smile.

“But you’re on thin ice, jake. You really need to work on some things. I’m not putting up with the bullshit anymore and i mean it.”

“I promise i will. I’ll do anything and everything to keep you by my side, where you belong.”

You nodded, a soft pink shade appeared on your face at his words. “Where i belong.”

“Can i kiss you? Please say yes, i’ll beg if i need to.”

The sound of your laugh made him smile even more. If anyone asked, he’d say it was his favorite sound. More beautiful than any music he could ever create. The sound of an angel. His angel.

The second you nodded his lips were on yours, soft and supple. You both hummed in satisfaction, feeling the electricity run through your bodies the way it always seemed to when you kissed.

There was so much that would have to be done to ensure your relationship wouldn’t fall apart. But for now, you were okay. For now, everything was good in your eyes. You still had jake, and he had you, and he’d do everything in his power to keep it that way.

taglist: @allieboop @obetrolncocktails @greta-flanveet @kdarling1 @doodle417 @mollie-gvf @hoeforstevienicks @joshkiszkas @gardenofgreta @gretasmokerising @lunaindigoraven @jakekiszkasleftnutsack @teddiie @sammiejane22 @gretavanbitches @jordierama @skankforjakekiszka @fantazmagorical96 @gretavangroove @heartsbomb @gvfrry @myownparadise96 @richjaaasss @jakewhorecore

[obeiii-mee]

MC had a bad day or they’re dealing with a bad loss from a loved one. So they decide to seek comfort from the Brothers! But they don’t do it in a normal way, they just barge in the room where the brothers are all relaxing or hanging out at before MC just busts in getting their attention and they go “I need a hug 🥺”. Let’s see the some fluffy hc’s of the brothers comforting MC 🥰

And how could they not want to hug their cute human that is literally 3 seconds away from breaking down into tears?

The Brothers Comforting MC After A Bad Day:

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You’re right, they wouldn’t be able to resist, they love their human too much 😌

*soBS* I want to hug one of them so bad rn

Thank you for the request, I love writing fluffy HCs, it’s my weak spot and it gives me serotonin. I hope you have a nice day/night!! Uh, it’s sort of implied that MC is slightly shorter than them so sorry if that’s a problem-

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Notes: Fluff, mentions of loss and dead family members/friends, mostly comfort though, short HCs

Characters: Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan, Satan, Asmodeus, Beezlebub and Belphegor.

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Lucifer:

-He doesn’t say anything and he doesn’t really need to because him just being there, arms wrapped around you and hands lightly running up and down your back, is worth more words than any sort of verbal consolation he could’ve given you and because of this, you feel at ease

-His touch is firm but gentle and you relax almost immediately, burying your head against his chest and feeling him press a kiss on top of your hairline, tightening your hold on him

-He already told his brothers to back off because the last thing he wanted was for you you to get overwhelmed by their insensitivity so you two were left in the living room by yourselves

-In a bit of an awkward position though, because you were both standing and after a while, it was clear a hug wasn’t going to be enough

-That’s his excuse as to why he picked you up bridal style five minutes later and carried you all the way to his bedroom, a place he knows his siblings won’t ever trespass without his permission and somewhere he can shield you from any prying eyes while you’re in this vulnerable state

-At this point, he was basically cradling you like a baby, having you sit on his lap and waiting for you to tire yourself out until you couldn’t cry anymore and watching you slip into that hiccuping stage you get after a breakdown

-Lucifer is obviously going to ask what happened, but whether you answer him or not is up to you because he’s not one to push matters if he sees you’re uncomfortable talking about it

-However, he might insist if he concludes that it’s affecting you and your well being and that’s how you know usually know he’s worried

-His voice is soft though and just listening to it makes you want to tell him everything, whether it’d be something as annoying as a small inconvenience you stumbled across that day or the death of a relative, you feel welcomed enough to spill everything

-Even if you decide not to, he’ll stay with you until you feel better, until you’re no longer crying or shaking or anything of the sort. He speaks occasionally, almost soothingly about how important you are to him and how capable you are of overcoming anything in your way. For the most part, however, he remains quiet and allows you to mull over your thoughts, willing to forget about his paperwork just to let you cling to him for a few hours

-Maybe later, when you’re no longer as distressed, he could get the full story out of you and help you overcome whatever problem you’re having trouble facing but for now, he understands all you need is for him to be there

“MC?” He calls your name out because he was thinking that maybe you had fallen asleep but he realised that was not the case when you looked up at him, streaks of tears still sliding down your cheeks. When you don’t respond, he sighs almost contently “A bit longer?” You don’t answer again but this time, he could feel you nod against him and he smiles despite himself as he leaned his head against yours “All right then, just a bit longer.”

Mammon:

-Truth be told, he’s never been the best at comforting someone and normally, he’s kind of awkward when he wants to show his support because it feels so out of his character

-But it’s not like he was going to refuse you anyway. Not when you specifically came to him and asked him for help and not when you looked like you were on the verge of crying. He’d be a monster to deny you >:(

-It upsets him too, you know. He’s meant to be your protector, guardian even, so the fact that he couldn’t keep you from getting hurt makes him feel like he failed at keeping his human safe. Actually, it takes a lot of convincing on your part just to tell him that you’re not actually physically hurt. Just a shitty day…

-Mammon, despite the walls he puts up ever now and then, is someone that genuinely cares for you. And he’s also the type that does almost everything in excess, especially when it comes to you or spending money. That’s just his personality; he’s loud and boisterous and even though he wants to deny this, completely transparent with his emotions

-You ask for a hug? He gives you plenty of hugs! He lets you lay on top of him while cuddling so he can hold you!!! He brings you snacks and drinks!!! Shit, he basically cradles you the whole night!!! And he’s blushing and acting annoyed the entire time, refusing to accept how much he’s actually enjoying this

-The point is, he tends to coddle you whenever you have a bad day or if you’re really affected by the loss of a dead loved one. This is probably because he, in turn, likes to be babied and cared for when he’s feeling down and he subconsciously does that to you because it’s the only means of comfort he knows how to execute well

-A hug would’ve sufficed, but you’re his human and let him be damned if he’s not gonna give you the world on a silver platter if you keep looking at him with those sad eyes of yours

-By now, if you need anything, you just need to ask because even with a bit of grumbling, he’ll get it for you. More snacks? Say less. Wanna watch TV with him for a while? Immediately reaches for the remote? You just want to cuddle? His body is naturally warm for a reason bby, dig in. You want his heart? Give him a moment to surgically get it out of his chest-

-No matter what, he’s so glad that you trust him enough to talk to him about this sort of stuff and that he’s the first person you think of when you need consolation

-It makes sense after all, right? He’s your first pact so your direct happiness is his responsibility while you’re in DevilDom! It’s his job to make sure you function again by tomorrow morning and that you’re no longer troubled by anything

“Hey! What’s with all the crying huh?” He cups your face in his hands and softly squishes the flesh between his fingers. His thumbs brush over the tears in your eyes and he let’s out a small ‘tsk’ as your foreheads touch and his hands drip to your shoulders to keep you steady “The Great Mammon is hugging ya right now, ya know? There’s no reason for you to be upset, not when I’ve got ya in my arms like this, OK? So you can stop with yer water works now.” As noisy as his voice is, there’s a gentle note behind it when he speaks and embraces you, his cologne spreading everywhere “I love you, ya big idiot. So please, stop cryin’ and lemme hold ya already! Yer making me worried, ya stupid human.”

Levi:

-You stopping by his room is not unusual. In fact, you do it every day and it’s just part of the routine you have with him. However, he’s wasn’t exactly expecting you to stand there, all shaken up and ask him for a hug!!!

-And he doesn’t process this request for a second but then he freaks out so badly-

-Yells incomprehensibly about how you’re ‘pulling your normie tricks on him again’ and how he’s ‘not going to be fooled by them anymore.’

-You raise your head to meet his eyes while he’s still rambling on though and he sees your teary expression and now he feels guilty because you look really upset. Levi’s kinda scared he made it worse-

-He’s the type to usher you in his room and lock the door as usual but instead of doing what the two of you always do, you literally stay attached to him because you need comfort damn it!

-Levi….is sort of clueless about these emotional outbursts since he himself doesn’t deal with them very well. However, he’s watched enough animes revolving around romance to conclude on the best course of action so-do not fear! (Spoiler, he still doesn’t know what he’s doing)

-He’s really stuck and can either stay as quiet as a nun or start babbling in a language you probably wouldn’t even understand because he’s so nervous

-Or actually, he might start crying with you if I’m being fair; he’s very in sync with his Henry and your emotions

-Once he calms down, he’s actually not all that bad at comforting. Levi is a bit stand offish with his hugs at first but he relaxes into them and by now, you’re both standing by the side of his bed, with you leaning onto him and him holding your hand. He then intertwines your fingers together but subconsciously because he wouldn’t have the gall otherwise

-Later, he tells you to help yourself with the snacks he has hidden in his room. I guarantee you he has a whole ass mini refrigerator hidden somewhere for his all night gaming session, in case he needs any boosts. No one knows how Beel hasn’t found the stash yet and there’s no need to tell him

-Then you watch re runs of old shows together and make fun of the shitty editing and dialogue. He’s still holding your hand though and he’s really flustered and wondering if it’s too sweaty for you but don’t mention it because he’ll get even more embarrassed

-He glances over to you, every once in a while, whilst you’re cuddled up against his arm, eyes glued on the TV, to make sure you’re OK. You almost gave him a seizure or at least that’s how he felt-so he made it his mission to make you feel better by any means necessary. Fuck today’s raids, his team can get them done without him!!

“I-I don’t know why you would want me of all people to hug you but…” he trailed off in a whisper, having to lean down so you could wrap your arms against his neck and bury your head in his shoulder. He pulled you in closer, a streak of protectiveness coursing through him as he shut the door to his room with his foot “Lord of the Shadows would never leave Henry all on his own, so I’m not going to do that either. This is an important character development arc and-just, please don’t cry. I’ll give you more hugs, OK? Seeing you like this is not good for my heart-“ stopped mid sentence after realising what he just said and now he’s the one burying his head in your shoulder, flushed beyond hell “Forget I just said that! Holy Lord Diavolo this is embarrassing, why am I like this????”

Satan:

-It troubles him greatly to see you like this and he can sort of feel the world shift out of place, seeing you with tears running down your face and hands balled into fists out of frustration almost immediately makes him fly into a fit of rage because who would dare to hurt you-

-Oh, a hug? If that’s all you need, he’s more than happy to oblige but if you’re as distraught as you seem to be, he wonders if just a small embrace from him would be enough

-Satan’s hugs are very intimate and even passionate at times. He has one hand on the back of your head and the other supporting your lower back while you bawl your eyes out into his shoulder and getting his uniform wet

-You can’t really seem to focus on what he’s trying to tell you because he’s so warm and welcoming and even though he’s someone as renowned as the Avatar of Wrath, he’s shockingly patient with you as you let out the overwhelming emotions that have been consuming you all day

-It’s hard to not relax when you’re in Satan’s presence because he’s calm and he smells like musty, old books and mahogany wood and cats, meaning he was most likely cuddling strays he found on the street the entire day. The first visual that comes to mind is fire crackling behind a grate in a chimney and someone reading a book while swinging back and forth on an old, rickety chair when you’re around him

-He will wait until you’re no longer crying and then, before you know it, you find yourself in the library with him, drinking tea and being handed a plate of biscuits he took from the kitchen to help you regain your strength after all that crying. You’re still feeling pretty miserable about the day you’ve had but you quickly lose yourself in a conversation with him over a cup of tea

-Sometimes, you two talk for hours on end about nothing important just to hear each other’s voices and finally have some quality time spent together. Even though he wishes the circumstances were better, he’s glad to have been able to snatch you away from his brothers for a while and he’s even happier you chose him to confide in

-Satan practically doesn’t even mention your outburst and keeps the small talk minimal but he wants you to know that if you do wish to tell him about it, he’s more than happy to listen and he’s not so bad at giving advice either

-The topic of the discussion you were having with him changed abruptly by the end of the night and now you’re reading together from this book he started a while ago, both of you covered with a blanket, your head on his chest and his leaning on yours. He’s holding the book with both of his hands, but still managed to get his left wrapped around you. And because of this feeling of safety and warmth, you don’t feel desperate anymore. Tomorrow, you’ll be able to sort out your feelings but now, you’re content to just listening to Satan read, in his clear, soft voice

“Ah MC, could you turn the page for me?” You do as he asked to and you could feel him smiling as he kissed your hairline, sighing before going back to the book and the story within “Thank you. You truly are amazing, did you know that? I’ve never met someone as caring and as kind as you. Well, I suppose Beel could compete for the title but unlike him, you don’t really leave us in debt whenever we visit the grocery store.” Hearing you laugh makes him smile even more and he lets you hold the other side of the book while he plays with your hair and now you join in reading with him, out loud and trying to act out voices for the characters. As everything unfolds, Satan feels the world click right back into place.

Asmo:

-It’s a known fact by now that Asmo is willing to give you any sort of affection at any point in time, whether it’d be a hug, a kiss, holding your hand-you name it! I mean, whenever he’s feeling down, you being there to encourage him helps a lot so it’s only natural it works the other way around too!

-If he notices that you’re genuinely upset by something, then he would have no problem whatsoever with lavishing you in attention and really, a hug or two from him is the bare minimum in situations like this

-In any case, he always enjoys fussing over you and you having a bad day is the perfect excuse for him to do so! After all, he can’t disappoint you since you came to him with your troubles and he will do anything in his power to make you feel better. Actually, if he could, he would keep hugging you forever but as miraculous as his charm can be, it’s not effective against someone with this low of a morale

-His first suggestion is to take a bath! It’s his way of taking care of you; you’re tired after such a long day and he feels like you’re neglecting yourself a little because of it. So you relax in his bathtub with him for a while, him actively trying to get your mind off any bad, lingering thoughts while you splash around in the bubbles

-And obviously after that, you need to have your mandatory spa sessions with him since you need to unwind and what’s a better way to do that than to let him paint your nails and apply lotion to your skin? Besides, it creates a great opportunity for you to take things off your chest

-He’s in need to hear gossip constantly so if you don’t feel like talking, he’s gonna be a bit bummed out but he still respects your wishes enough to not push you. If your problem is as sensitive as the death of a family member, you’re not obligated to talk to him about it and he will understand, since people grieve in different ways. He too shut down after the death of Lilith for a while after all

-A bad day is nothing Asmo can’t handle. He’s had plenty of those before, mostly because of Mammon and his thievery, they’re usually common factors. It’s only natural you experience those yourself and he’s more than willing to be your support system if you need one. He wants you to know that you can go to him if you need advice or help with anything, or even if you just need to someone to hear you out

-To give a more detailed explanation of his hugs, they are usually really light and you never feel suffocated when you’re in his arms. He never squeezes you too tight and he always smells amazing, so you feel inclined to stay near him for as long as possible. Despite his overtly loud nature, he gets incredibly soft spoken with you and he traces patterns on your back and arms as you stand there together

-It’s important to mention, he never pulls away from you first. He lets you decide when you’ve had enough and when you’re ready to move on or if you require some other means of comfort

-And even if you’re no longer disgruntled, he’s still going to pamper you as much as possible the next day with either a shopping spree or another few spa sessions, this time done at a professional institution rather than the privacy of his bedroom

-Asmo is in touch with your emotions and it’s kinda scary sometimes because of how well he can read you, since he almost always knows what you need

“Oh darling, how could I refuse a hug from you?” You can feel his arms embrace you, even with your eyes closed and for some reason, this makes you cry even harder, sobbing as he tries to comfort you. You’re aware he let go of you at some point and returned with a tissue to dab away at your tears, gently to not hurt your eyes and now he’s hugging you again, a wry smile on his face “You don’t have to worry about a thing, MC. Everything will get sorted out, I promise. In the meantime, come to me if anything troubles you again, OK? No more crying, darling-it’s bad for your eyes.”

Beel:

-The type to immediately lean in for a hug without even questioning why. As soon as you ask him, you barely have time to finish the question and you already find yourself in his arms. The only exception would be when he’s eating or maybe in the middle of a work out but the point is he doesn’t hesitate much when it comes to you. And I mean, he loves hugs just as much as his siblings do

-Beel is not the most observant and he may not realise you’re in a bad mood unless you tell him outright. It’s not even that he’s emotionally distant, it’s just that if you tell him that you’re fine, then he’s gonna take your word for it and believe you since he’s pretty straightforward with his feelings as well. However, as dense as he may be on occasion, even he’s bound to notice that you’re not being your usual self and this is especially true if you start crying out of nowhere while he’s nearby. Probably assumes the worst and is under the impression that he did something to upset you because shifting the blame onto himself whenever others suffer is his coping mechanism and we’ve seen him to do it before

-If you’ve just had a bad day, he understands that things could’ve been very overwhelming for you and he wishes he had known sooner so he could’ve helped back then, instead of letting it come to this. But he doesn’t hesitate all that much since he looks like he’s built for giving hugs on a daily basis. I’m not even sure this would classify as a hug since you’re not touching the floor. Rather, you are attached to him like a koala and he’s carrying you around as if you were a baby strapped to his chest. And he genuinely doesn’t mind. He’s been doing it with Belphie for centuries now

-Please, after a while he gets seriously concerned because are humans supposed to cry this much? What if you dehydrate or something? So he makes you stay in bed and just gives you plenty of water. You look so pale and sad, he shares his food with you too because his heart is aching just looking at you like this. He feels like besides being there, he can’t provide you with much help and he’s starting to think he’s hopeless at comforting

-If a family member died then…Beel is one of the best people you could’ve gone to. Honestly, having dealt with his sister’s situation, he knows how horrible it is to lose somebody you love dearly (I mean, all the brothers do but I’m making a point saying Beel, Belphie and Lucifer were especially affected). Now he’s sad himself since he’s aware that you’re going through something similar and his twin might walk in on the two of you being emotional on the floor

-For the most part, Beel makes sure you keep yourself healthy even when you’re tired and depressed. Continues to bring you food, even if he eats half of it on his way to your room, and just keeps you company in general in case you get lonely. Seeing you upset makes him even more considerate of your feelings and you don’t have the heart to tell him that he doesn’t need to stay with you all night. He thinks he does because you’ve always offered to stay with him whenever he’s had nightmares before so how he’s gotta return the favour

-Beel gives these bear hugs all the time, since he’s so big and his hand basically covers your entire back. So, more often than not, you end up cuddling while standing because he’s a lot taller than you, with him being a demon and all. Despite that, you feel so unbelievably complete when he holds you like this. It’s hard not to feel protected since his whole body is practically concealing yours so easily all the time and you feel sheltered from the world and it’s….nice

-And Beel enjoys hugging you too, because he knows that as long as he’s nearby, you’ll be safe and that’s really all he needs. He wants to be there for you the same way you were there for him when he needed it most and comforting you when you’re having a shitty day is like his full time job

-You could come to Beel with any problem and he would never judge you, no matter what. He’s just really unproblematic and he just wants you to go back to your normal self because it hurts him to see you cry your eyes out. Now, not only are hugs mandatory but holding your hand is too. It’s like hugging…but your hands are doing the hugging

-Definitely even goes to Belphie after a while if he really doesn’t know what to do and that’s how you know he’s desperate to do something. Since the Seventh Born isn’t exactly someone that yields great advice, more so when it comes to other…people….and his twin knows this-

-Beel’s best strategy at the moment is to just maintain some kind of physical contact because he discovered that makes you feel better and it calms you down more than him trying to verbally console you. He even invited you to sleep in his room if you’re comfortable doing so just so you’re not alone. After that one incident, he’s trying to coax you to tell him whenever something is wrong so he can jump in and help, because that’s all he really wants to do ahakenksms

“MC? Did something happen?” He’s honestly taken aback by how shaky you are and how you’re hands are trembling as they’re reaching to connect with his. Without much of a warning, he feels a funny feeling in the pit of his stomach and now he discovers that he doesn’t like seeing you with tears trailing down your face. And he feels worse the longer you wail in his chest and he doesn’t know what to do. So, he wraps his arms around you so tight you think you might explode, strangely comforted by the feeling as he speaks again “I’m sorry if I’ve done something to upset you. What can I do to help, MC? We can just stay like this for a while if you want” And when he sees you nod, he proceeds to not move an inch almost the entire night. Obviously, hunger overtook him eventually but he shared his stolen goods with you so can you really complain? Doubtful, not when he hasn’t let go of your hand the whole time.

Belphie:

- Hugging him is a gamble. Realistically speaking, you’re not going to catch him standing upright long enough for you to give him a hug. He’s laying on the floor somewhere, asleep so you shouldn’t expect much from him to begin with. Even if you were to get lucky and stumble upon him while he’s wide awake, he might slump over and succumb to sleep the moment you embrace him because you’re so warm

-Cuddling is a different story altogether. He’d rather shoot himself in the foot than not have you cuddle with him so if you need to be babied for once, he’s a pretty good option to consider

-As usual, he’s in the attic and you go to him because it’s really late and you didn’t want to wake up any of the other brothers. Actually, Belphie is normally awake by dusk so to see him sleep like a log past midnight was quite surprising. You didn’t exactly want to interrupt but if you stayed alone for any longer, you would’ve gone insane. So you shook him awake. And he was understandably confused and probably forgot what planet he was on for a minute when you did so

-Technically, he was half awake and from his point of view, everything must’ve been pretty blurry. He did see you; the problem was that because he was still feeling very sleepy, he was basically in a daze and could only squint at you to try and figure out if you were really there or if he was hallucinating. His suspicion was confirmed soon enough because he reached out after a few seconds and poked your cheek just to check. His face the entire time and the action itself was so amusing that, despite tittering on the edge of a breakdown, you burst out laughing

-Once he came to the conclusion that you were, in fact, real and he wasn’t dreaming, he sighed and opened his arms out for you; a direct invitation to cuddle with him. By now, he likely didn’t even noticed you looked sad because, as I said, he was all over the place but this little ritual you two have was common enough that it got engraved in his memory. Now he does it out of impulse whenever you’re around and he wants attention

-So you basically tackled him and threw yourself on top of him so hard, both of you toppled over on the bed and now you were used as a blanket, with his arms wrapped securely around you; preventing you from getting up. Not that you were planning on doing that anytime soon but moving on-

-You thought he had fallen back asleep, because he went really quiet and he stopped squirming to get comfortable. To be exact, the whole room was rather still and the only thing you could really hear was Belphie’s soft breathing and the rustle of the bedsheets every once in a while. And since it was extremely dark as well, you couldn’t see a thing either so it felt like the best place to let go of your stress

-It’s not like you were making much noise but as I said, the seventh born wasn’t sleeping just yet. And he wouldn’t be able to because it was obvious to him now that something was wrong. He believed that he was bearing witness to something that should’ve been a lot more private than this so he didn’t say anything. You should have your moment, let you have a chance to recollect your thoughts and the next day, he might ask you

-It was too much to handle. It’s not like he was gonna get any sleep unless he knew your problem was solved otherwise he might get nightmares all night. Besides, if you’re crying this much, then something terrible must’ve happened. You realised he was awake when he gave your entire body a small squeeze, as if to reassure you and you froze because did you just wake him up???? Or worse, did he hear all that sobbing you were doing????

-Hugging him is similar to hugging a pillow. He’s soft and squishy and warm and it’s impossible to resist him when rest at a time like this is so tempting. His fingers running over your pact mark once or twice, as if to remind you that he’s right there and low whispers describing the best dream he ever had about you, hoping to distract you for long enough to help you fall asleep

-To him, it doesn’t make a difference if a family member died or if you’re just having a bad day. All he knows is that you’re having a lot of emotional problems because of either one and as a result, you need a shoulder to lean on. He’s glad that you trust him enough to let him assist and if it was up to him, he would keep cuddling you forever. You’ve already suffered enough so let him take care of you this time around, OK?

“Dumbass, why are you crying?” The gentleness of his words was a clear contrast to that quick insult he shoved at the beginning of his statement, though you couldn’t hear any malice behind it and the fact that he really cared about what happened to cause you to struggle with your emotions so badly, would’ve made you wail even harder. However, he managed to silence you pretty well because he kept speaking and you wanted to listen; you wanted to hear what he had to say so you reduced your sobs and you sat quietly enough to do just that. Belphie flipped you over, now with him on top and you underneath and he laid there, cheek sloshed against yours as he sleepily mumbled out more praise for you, “MC, are you tired? You should go to bed, you need to get some sleep. Tomorrow, you can tell me what the problem is and I’ll help. I promise-I’ll even get up early for you. Just…please calm down. I don’t want to see you crying yourself to sleep ever again. I’ll stay here the entire time, alright? And I’ll make sure you have nice dreams tonight MC…just let me hold you…”

[dracarys-wp-writes]

Moments

Title: Moments Requested by: @hacker-ghost

Request: 5 times Corpse almost kissed the reader and one time he actually did. Where corpse and reader are like bff roommates, oblivious to how much the act like a couple even though everyone tells them that. (additionally I'd love to end it with something like it turns out that Jack Felix and others were betting when it would finally happen 😅) (A/N: Sorry I couldn’t work the bet part into this with the way that I was going with it.)

Word Count: 3739

Warnings: Little swearing, Angst, mutual pining, little fluff.  (c/b/f/n) = Childhood Best Friends Name.

Note:  Just to be clear I will not write things that would make Corpse uncomfortable and If he ever says that he is uncomfortable with fanfiction being written about him I will delete this.  *** Y/N and Corpse had known each other for several years, 4 years to be exact and they have been best friends for three of those and roommates for two, and for the last year Y/N had been developing feelings for the man. She thought that he had the same feelings for her but over the past few months she had begun to doubt it, there had been several times that she thought that he was gonna make a move and kiss her but every time he would pull back or something would cause an interruption and he would pretend that it never even almost happened. 

It was starting to frustrate her because she actually wants him to kiss her, but she’s too afraid to take the leap herself and make it happen.

The First Almost Kiss:

Over the past few days Y/N had noticed that her best friend and roommate Corpse had been acting a little weird around her and when she asked about it he just brushed it off. 

“It’s nothing Y/N” would be the answer that she got each time she asked and each time she sighed not believing him but she didn’t press it. It was a few days later that it almost happened for the first time, the two were sitting on the couch having a scary movie marathon, just cause they could and Y/N loved scary movies, all the curtains were drawn to the point that it was dark in the apartment and the only source of light being from the TV playing the first Paranormal Activity movie. Y/N had her head laying on his shoulder something that wasn’t unusual for their movie marathons, when there was a jump scare and she jumped letting out a little squeal, which made him laugh. She playfully glared looking up at him, she loved hearing his laugh. He looked down at her with a teasing grin on his face, they locked eyes and she couldn’t help but let the glare slip off her face, she could get lost in his eyes. His eyes broke contact and flicked down to her lips and then back to her gorgeous (y/e/c) and he leaned in slightly as if he were going to kiss her and, her breath caught in her throat, and her hands got a little clammy, and then all of a sudden he pulled back and cleared his throat. Y/N dropped her head, her cheeks heating up from the embarrassment, that she had actually wanted him to kiss her and she thought he was going to only for him to pull away, she wasn’t surprised, no one that she liked in the past had ever liked her back so why would he be any different? She blinked back tears of disappointment, and focused on the movie as an awkward silence settled between the two, it got so tense that Y/N had to leave the room because she couldn’t take it. After she was in the safety of her bedroom she let out a sigh. He watched as her door shut and he kicked himself ‘Fuck, nice going now you upset her. Why the fuck did you even try that? Of course she’s not going to like you the same way that you like her.’ She was upset but just not for the reasons that he was thinking, he thought she was upset because he had tried to kiss her, when she was really upset because he didn’t kiss her. ***

Things got a little weird between them after that but Y/N tried her best to just brush it off, like she wasn’t slowly falling for him more and more, but she never let it show cause of course he wouldn’t feel the same way about her. The next time it almost happened was a month and a half later.

The Second Almost Kiss:

Y/N sighed she had been feeling a little down ever since the incident but she refused to bring it up, he could tell that something was bothering her but she wasn’t budging on giving up what it was. No matter how hard he tried. Y/N had been in the kitchen making lunch for the two of them when all of a sudden she heard a crashing sound and immediately she ran towards the noise and what she found was Corpse, in front of a broken mirror and she sighed “Come here” He looked at her noticing the startled look she had on her face, “Sorry.” She gave him a smile shaking her head “It’s okay, Corpse, you don’t need to be sorry the noise just scared me a little that’s all” and then she made him sit down before she pulled a first aid kit out from under the sink and she started cleaning his hand, disinfecting it. She leaned a little closer to him to get a better angle while cleaning the cuts on his knuckles from the broken glass., she was putting the bandage on his hand and she looked up not realizing how close together they were, she ended up staring into his eyes, and if she were to lean forward just a half and inch their lips would be touching. She unintentionally pressed a little too hard on the bandage, as she was pressing it down making sure it was secure, that made Corpse wince and slightly hiss in pain and he pulled back, she gave him a sheepish look as both of their faces heated up slightly embarrassed at how close they had gotten. “Sorry, I didn’t mean t-to press that hard.” she avoided eye contact as she stood “there you go all cleaned up. I’m just gonna get the rest of this glass up and uhh there’s food on the counter. I was just finishing up making lunch when I heard the glass breaking.” Then she carefully cleaned up the rest of the broken glass. He nodded at her “Uh Thanks.” ‘Stupid, remember the last time you tried that, she got upset.’ ‘What the hell was that? Why are you so damn careless? Literally could have kissed him there, if you weren’t so careless’ Were the thoughts that simultaneously popped into their heads as they quietly walked into the kitchen, a tense silence falling over them for the second time. 

The third time that he almost kissed her happened exactly two weeks after the second incident. Y/N felt even more down than before she really beat herself up for messing up the second time, and she just kept reminding herself that she’s reading too much into that he doesn't have the same feelings for her that she does for him. The Third Almost Kiss: 

It had been two weeks since the mirror incident and Y/N had finally managed to convince Corpse to get out of the apartment for a little while, it was around 8 PM and she convinced him to go on a walk with her, since it was late and there wouldn’t be that many people around and he reluctantly agreed. 

So they went for a walk. It was a nice night out a little cloudy, and he couldn’t help but smile at the smile on her face as they walked back towards their apartment. It was almost 10 now even if he wouldn't admit it he had enjoyed going out on the walk with her, the two were about a block away from home when it started raining. 

Y/N grinned, she had always loved the rain, she used to play in it as a child, and getting caught in the rain like that made a feeling of nostalgia flood through her. Corpse ran in the direction of the apartment but stopped noticing that Y/N hadn’t followed so he looked back and saw her smiling, with her arms open, and she started spinning around in the rain laughing and seeing her that happy made a smile slip onto his face. He decided then that he loved seeing that smile on her face, she stopped spinning and grinned at him “Come on, spin around with me… I love playing in the rain.” she gave him a little pout and he sighed but walked back to where she was and she made him spin in circles with her as the rain pelted down soaking both of them. He smiled the smile she had on her face right now was worth standing out in the rain for. He spun her around, kinda like they were dancing in the rain and they both had the biggest smiles in their faces and they both leaned in slightly and right as they were about to kiss a car drove past, running right through a puddle and splashed them both making them pull apart. Y/N bit her lip, her cheeks tinting red, she cleared her throat “we should probably head back before we get anymore soaked from the rain” He agreed and they headed back to the apartment with a bit of an awkward silence enveloping them as they walked home. 

The fourth time was a few days after the almost kiss in the rain. 

The Fourth Almost Kiss:

The cough coming from the other room was what distracted Corpse from the editing of the video that he was supposed to post next weekend. Quickly looking at the bottom corner of the computer screen checking the hours, the young man saw that exactly three hours had passed since the last time he checked her. He paused everything he was doing, got up from his chair, left his recording room and headed to the kitchen where he picked up a small bottle of water and some strawberry cookies, which were Y/N’s favorites.

Without delay he knocked on the girl’s bedroom door, waiting for the little hoarse ‘Come in’ that came in response, and entered it. He found her sitting on her white gaming chair, with some headphones on her head and totally focused on the computer screen, which showed the construction of a witch house that she seemed to be making in Minecraft.

“Here, eat this and hydrate yourself.” He placed the items on her lap which was covered with a fluffy blanket that she had to cover her legs, and was careful not to step on the other empty water bottles that she had on the floor next to the desk. He also guaranteed that he was out of the camera frame and was not seen by any of her viewers.

"Thank you." She said, coughing again. She was pale but with red cheeks, her face was glistening with sweat and she looked sleepy and tired.

"Take a short break. It's been 20 hours, it's almost over." He informed her, checking now the watch on his wrist (it had been a birthday present from the girl in front of him), and making sure he was right in what he said.

Y/N was making her monthly challenge of streaming for 24 hours straight, just pausing to go to the bathroom and eating something. Corpse had gone to sleep and woken up with her still on the computer, and every three hours he checked on her.

Still looking at the screen she opened the package of cookies, took one and stuck it in her mouth, eating it quickly. Then she opened the water bottle and sipped it all in big sips, and the empty bottle went to join the others on the floor to be filled with tap water later.

The cough came back again, however.

"Are you okay?"

"My throat hurts a little." She informed in a tired voice and eating another cookie.

Corpse narrowed his eyes suspiciously, and without further ado he approached and touched her forehead and cheeks (his hand and the black sleeve of his hoodie being the only thing they could see). "Y/N! You are hot, you must have a fever."

"No I'm not, I'm okay."

"Yes you are, finish the stream now."

"I can't, it's almost over."

"Don't be stubborn, of course you can. They agree with me, stop and go to bed."

And it was true, her chat was in an uproar with thousands of people sending messages so quickly that it was almost impossible to read, extremely concerned about the girl and also telling her to end the livestream.

"Alright..." Y/N quickly said goodbye, extremely sorry but at the same time too tired to fight against them.

He calmly helped her walk to the bed (after that she almost fell when she got up) and when the stream and the computer were off. He snuggled her up in the bed, and left quickly to fetch more water and some medication that they had in home.

When Corpse returned he watched her put herself in a more sitting position, and gave her the pills which she swallowed quickly, then coughed a little. Corpse sat on the bed next to her, touching her forehead again, feeling her skin almost boiling against his cold hand.

"You pushed yourself too hard, Y/N."

"Maybe, but... I feel like I'm disappointing them, however." She said sadly.

"You're not, you have to take better care of yourself."

"Look who's talking." Y/N provoked.

"Shut up." He laughed, pulling her hair back behind her ear and watching her fever-red cheeks.

"Thanks Corpse, if you weren't looking after me, I don't think I would."

"You do the same for me..."

They shared a smile and a sweet look. The atmosphere was warm and comfortable, the two snuggled together. "You should stay away, I don’t want to make you sick."

"You need me here."

"You can't live without me." She said with a malicious gleam.

"No, I can't."

And then, without really knowing how, they gradually got closer to each other ... ending the distance centimeters that separated them slowly, now so close that their breathing is mixed and their lips almost touched ...

Until Y / N quickly pulled away to have a coughing fit, and looked at him embarrassed.

"I-"

"I'm going to get the thermometer, we have to measure your temperature." Corpse ran away so fast that it left Y/N unresponsive…

And the next day he was sick too.

The Fifth Almost Kiss: Y/N sighed she had finally given in to go on a blind date that her (c/b/f/n) had set up she wasn’t looking forward to it but she had to forget about him somehow since it had been made clear at least in her head that Corpse didn’t return her feelings, so she had agreed to the blind date as a way to forget about her feelings for her roommate. Corpse had been pacing around his room while Y/N got ready for her blind date, he really didn’t want her to go, a feeling of jealousy bubbled up in his chest thinking about it and right then he told himself that he was gonna try and stop her from going. Y/n had spent the past half hour trying on different outfit with (c/b/f/n) on facetime, and was finally in an approved outfit, that made her roll her eyes she really didn’t want to be doing this but she felt like she didn’t have a choice at this point so she would push down the feeling that bubbled up every time, she thought about it. After about 10 more minutes she was finally ready and ended the facetime call, she gave herself a once over her bathroom mirror, before walking out into her room, she slipped her shoes on and grabbed her bag. A thought lingered in her mind as she walked towards her bedroom door ‘maybe I could pretend I got sick last minute and back out.’ then she shook her head knowing that (c/b/f/n) would never believe it, wouldn't be the first time that excuse had been used to get out of a date.  ‘Suck it up Y/N and stop being such a little bitch, it’s just a date, you’ve been on them before’ 

She walked out of her bedroom, Corpse looked at her and faltered ever so slightly, she looked beautiful, he always thought she looked beautiful but at that moment she took his breath away. 

“Who are you going out with again?” “I’ve never met him actually (c/b/f/n) set it up, it’s a blind date.” “Why agree to go out with someone you’ve never met?” Y/n shrugged “i don’t know, try something new I guess.” she walked towards the door “I’ll be late if I don’t leave now, so I’ll be home later.” she opened the door but before she could walk out he gently grabbed her arm, turning her to face him. “Don’t go.” Y/N looked up at him “why? Why don’t you want me to go?” He looked down into her eyes for a moment before he dropped his hand from her arm, but he hesitated and once again didn't kiss her. She sighed "I'll see you later." 

Then she walked out of the door.  

Corpse ran his hand through his hair "dammit, that was your chance why didn't you take it?" 

Y/N took a deep breath as she got out of her car at the restaurant that she was supposed to be meeting her date at. 

She waited outside the restaurant for three hours and her date never showed, she rolled her eyes and couldn't help but feel slightly down about it. 

She got back into her car and drove home. 

She walked in and didn't see Corpse so she figured he was in his recording room,  she doesn't want to bother him even if all she wants is one of his hugs that always makes her feel better. 

She kicked her shoes off by the door and dropped down on the couch pulling her knees up to her chest, resting her chin on her knees and she sighed a feeling of sadness settling in her chest. She really just didn't want to be alone right now so she got up and knocked on the door she heard "Come in." 

She walked in "hey." 

He looked at her "hey Y/N, how'd it go?" He questioned. 

She sighed trying to not seem as bummed out as she really was “it didn’t” She didn't do a very good job at hiding it cause he caught it almost immediately. “What happened?” 

“Didn’t show… all the effort I put into this, only to be left standing outside where we were supposed to meet by myself looking pathetic for 3 hours.” she sighed. All he did was stand up from his computer chair and pull the girl into a hug. ***

Corpse had reluctantly gone out with Y/N, she had convinced him to go to the beach with her, it was the middle of the week in October so there shouldn’t be too many people around. She smiled at him as they sat on the sand “See not so bad is it?” He gave her a look “I guess not” was the answer that he gave and everything was going just fine until about an hour later. Someone nearby had recognized his voice but wasn’t sure where it had come from so Y/N got him up off the sand and ushered him towards the car “Let’s just get out of here alright? They haven’t located where we are so we can slip past without being noticed okay?” The man in question nodded at her not saying anything to avoid further being noticed and the two successfully made it to the car without incident Y/N pulled the keys out of her pocket and  they got into the car and she started driving them back to their apartment. Y/N pulled over about halfway home because the man beside her was having what seemed to her to be a panic attack, his hands were shaking uncontrollably and she noticed the ragged breathing and deduced that he was having a panic attack so she pulled over to try and help him calm down, she unbuckled her seat belt and completely turned in her seat to face him “Hey, look at me.” She tried to get his attention but it wasn’t working; he was too lost in his own world of panic. So she grabbed his face and gently turned his head to look at her “Corpse, look at me, I need you to focus on the sound of my voice, okay?” but he was still not responding to her and then suddenly she remembered reading something about panic attacks and holding your breath so she blew out a breath and muttered “god I hope this works.” She grabbed his face and leaned over the middle console of the car and she kissed him, the kiss lasted maybe 15 seconds before it was over and he let out a shaky breath but it wasn’t feeling like his throat was closing up on him anymore. “Why did you do that?” Y/N let out a breath as well before answering “I read somewhere that holding your breath could stop a panic attack, so uhh when I kissed you, you held your breath and it looks like what I read was right because it stopped.” They are staring into each other's eyes now Y/N had a soft smile on her face as he stared back at her with a small smile present on his face as well “was that the only reason you kissed me to get me to hold my breath?”

Y/N’s face turned red “I- uh… Let’s go home yeah?.” he agreed and she got turned back around the right and finished driving them home. Once they got into the safety of their apartment Corpse looked at Y/N “So are you gonna answer my question or not?” her face heated up once again as she stuttered “Uh- I- Uhh” then she tried to walk past him but he grabbed her arm lightly to stop her. And he turned her around to face him and whispered “Because I am hoping it wasn’t the only reason.” then he kissed her again only this time he was the one that instigated the kiss, Y/N smiled into the kiss before she kissed him back. 

THE END

[prettywordsyouleft]

Friends To Lovers

Summary: You were so grateful that Brian helped you in your time of need that you exclaimed you could kiss him. Instead of rolling it off as a joke, Brian did just that.

Pairing: Brian Kang x reader (ft. Wonpil)

Genre: university au / friends to lovers

Warnings: typically cliché fluff

A/N: Back when I wasn’t dreaming of Park Jinyoung daily, I had this as a dream. I didn’t think much of it but was convinced by a few friends to write it so here you go! Oh, Y/N is typically dramatic. After all, she’s based off dream me so… haha!

Word count: 2452

“No!” you cried, your eyes wide with distraught. “No, no, no, no, no!”

“Instead of saying no, you could tell me what’s wrong so I can with panic with you or calm you down,” your friend Wonpil offered and as you started to bounce around in your chair in distress, he grew concerned. “Y/N, talk to me.”

Looking away from your phone and blinking back your tears, you stared at him desperately. “They changed the date.”

“The date?” he repeated and then let out a hiss, jumping to your side. “To when?!”

“Five pm today!” you answered, collapsing onto the top of the lecture hall’s desktop, letting out a muffled wail. “I can’t! I need more time!”

“What’s this about?”

“Y/N’s having a meltdown,” Wonpil explained sombrely to Brian as he sat down beside you, Wonpil now petting your back gently.

“About?”

You shot your head up, pouting at Brian as he pulled out his things for class. “They’ve brought the date ahead on the writing competition.”

“You wrote the story though,” he commented, shrugging off your tearful disposition as he slung his bag over the back of his chair. “So submit it and stop making a big deal about it.”

“The date was meant to be two weeks from here, Brian,” you told him, shaking with your emotions. “I wrote the story but I wanted to check over it again before submitting it. How can I do that when they’ve changed the submission date to today to suit one of the judges?!”

“Do it now,” he prompted and you nodded, reaching down for your laptop bag. Pulling it out, you were still nodding away as you pressed the power button.

Except the device didn’t turn on.

“Wait, why isn’t it working?!” you exclaimed, growing distressed again. “This cannot be happening!”

“Looks like the battery is dead,” Wonpil pointed out, his index finger outstretched to the indicator on the side. “Did you store your piece on a cloud service or something?”

“I … not the final product,” you murmured, all hope draining from you. “I had it on my computer at home, this, and my external. But I left that at home too!”

“You sent it to me to read the other day on your phone, it should still be retrievable in our chat,” Brian piped up, and giving him a grateful smile, you pulled out your phone from your pocket.

You did have the document, but making any final changes to it on your phone would be kind of dangerous. You knew it wasn’t a reliable place to try and edit from and standing up, you collected your bag in the process. “I’m going to the library.”

“Or not,” Wonpil breathed as your lecturer entered the room, her stern expression halting your plans entirely.

It seemed foolish to be this worked up over a writing competition. After all, there was no guarantee you would win just by entering. But there was still a chance and as an aspiring writer, you knew you had to give it a shot, especially with what it could potentially offer you. The prize was to be taken under a publishing house to have your manuscript produced into a novella. That would give you the first step you needed towards your dreams.

And you had lost too many nights perfecting this part of your story to share in the competition to miss out on the chance all because of a sudden date change.

Still, with the way the lecturer’s hawk-eyed gaze pierced through your out of place position, you couldn’t quite take the risk to dart out now in front of her. Sitting down jarringly, you tried your best not to break down or hyperventilate.

And then Brian swiftly started shifting things around in front of you. He took your laptop you had placed back down and put his in front of you with the document all ready to go, opening yours and pretending he was using that instead.

Glancing in his direction, he merely arched an eyebrow at you to silently ask why you were stalling and to get on with it.

Taking a deep breath, you thanked him quietly and then began your thorough final edit, unaware of anything that was happening around you. You scrolled through, corrected minor structures of some things you had since sending Brian this copy, and then you finally submitted it to the competition, your heart thudding in your chest. You had sent your precious words off and now it would be up to the universe – and a panel of judges – to decide of their worth.

You were exhausted and exhilarated in the same moment, the emotions of this afternoon being all too overwhelming to deal with.

And then you blinked slowly, realising the lecture hall was empty for all but you and Brian.

“I’m sorry,” you breathed, as you looked around yourself. “How long ago did class end?”

“Twenty minutes, I think. Wonpil had another class to get to so he told me he’d message you later. Get it all submitted?”

Nodding, you slid the borrowed device over to its owner and smiled. “Thank you. Honestly, you are a lifesaver.”

“You worked too hard for it to be a missed opportunity, Y/N.”

“Exactly! I worked so hard and even with this sudden change, I’ve managed to get it done. Oh my God, I hope they love it! And if they don’t, then someone will hopefully.”

“Take the hopefully out, you’ll get there. It’s good. Real good.”

You grinned at him. “And all thanks to you, I got to submit it! Ah, I’m so excited! If I could, I would kiss you right now!”

You were buzzing from the hype of achieving a goal of yours that the words slipped out without even meaning them to. You were good friends with Brian and normally he was used to your dramatics statements. But this one stilled his movement, his dark eyes flicking back to your face.

Which turned pink under his stare. “Oh uh, well-”

“What’s stopping you then?” he murmured and you blinked rapidly. “You could.”

“Don’t be silly, it was a slip of-”

He regained the ability to move then, shifting over into your space and cupped the side of your face in his hand, kissing you softly. It stunned you for only a moment, your eyes snapping shut as your mouth moved against his. What started out gentle gained some traction and by the time he pulled away, you were both breathless.

And for once in your life, you were lost for words.

“Payment for using the laptop,” Brian announced hurriedly and you nodded just as fast, getting up and gathering your things blindly. Brian went down one side of the room and you took the other, your mind reeling from the kiss.

You had kissed Wonpil once, as a friend, and that was entirely different from this one with Brian. You were certain, for one, Brian’s tongue had found yours at some part of that kiss. Your lips had also been pressed into his for easily five times longer than your appreciative peck with Wonpil.

Still, you didn’t want to challenge the reason; rather, you were too weak to even construct the words needed to. When you got to the bottom of the stairs along the wall, you looked up at Brian waiting at the door and tripped, missing the final step and reached out for the stray chair beside them in hopes you wouldn’t fall flat on the ground.

Trust you to become just like one of your characters when they realised something about a friend.

Because you just had realised how much you liked Brian.

“Are you okay?” he asked as he came over to your side, holding out his hand for you to take so you could get up from the chair. You merely stared back at him.

You had always laughed at those stories when someone in the protagonist’s world stood out in a different way suddenly. You had many a time rolled around on your bed reading stories with Wonpil and ridiculed the notion of not being able to define someone as handsome from the get-go.

But you got it now. The dependable friend you had come to appreciate in Brian had changed with that kiss. You admired the strong shape of his nose and the unique slant to his almond eyes. Were his cheekbones always set that high and had his jaw been that handsomely shaped? Your eyes fell to his lips, those that had just been pressed against yours. Your mouth fell ajar, a short huff expelling from you and Brian smiled.

If you weren’t winded before, you were now.

“Stop being dramatic,” he told you and pulled on your hand, the force springing you up. You weren’t prepared for it and stumbled again, his other hand moving to balance you. Every place he touched you now felt on fire. And you were concerned for the remaining part of your sanity.

You weren’t meant to be thinking of Brian as ridiculously handsome now, right?

“Do you need to sit? Or drink something? Maybe I need to just leave you to it?” he offered and on the last option you shook your head, though you felt faint soon after. Gripping on more tightly, you attempted to smile.

“Why did you kiss me?” you mumbled, unable to keep quiet after all. “We’re friends.”

“Friends can kiss,” he answered slowly as you both began to walk to the exit. “Plus you said-”

“So it meant nothing? That kiss? That went for so long?”

“It meant something,” Brian confirmed and you stopped, looking up at him again. His eyes shifted to yours and he smiled that handsome smile of his. “You mean something. I didn’t just give up an entire hour of one of our hardest classes where the notes aren’t put up on the student portal because of pure friendship, Y/N. You matter.”

“Matter how?”

“Must you know everything?” he murmured and you nodded in answer, causing him to chuckle.

Your knees lost their strength.

“Of course, you need to know everything.”

“Occupational hazard, I know,” you quipped and Brian sighed. “How do I frame this in my mind, Brian? You’re telling me I matter, but I want to know if it’s okay that I’m now thinking of you in a way that a friend shouldn’t.”

“Thinking of me how?” he questioned curiously, his eyes lighting up.

You weren’t sure how much more you could take from this epiphany of finding your friend to be the type of man who could make your heart flutter this much with one look.

“I asked you first,” you responded pointedly.

“It took you so long to like me back; surely I get rights to find out more first.”

“So long?” Brian nodded and you gasped noisily. “Wait, you’ve liked me all this time?!”

“Not from the start, no,” he corrected, looking around you both at how loud your voice had risen. Thankfully classes were still in session and the hallway was mostly empty.

Still, you winced apologetically. The last thing you wanted was to bring more attention to the unfolding situation.

“But one day, I woke up and I realised I liked you. So since then.”

“You just woke up feeling that way? Had I done anything the day before to spark it?”

“No, you were just how you usually are.”

“And you simply accepted it?” you wondered and Brian chuckled again.

“It helped me understand some things about myself actually.”

“Like?”

He nudged you playfully. “I’d get annoyed with Wonpil quite often. I realised it was because I was jealous.”

“Of me and Wonpil?!” you squeaked out and then shook your head and hands repeatedly. “There’s nothing there between me and Pil. I couldn’t imagine liking him like that.”

Brian snorted. “Seems like you didn’t imagine me like that until I kissed you either.”

You fell silent, trying to decipher more of the situation. With Wonpil, you had no hesitations to be who you were. And the same could be said about Brian, but it was different. You just hadn’t put it together as well as you were now. You had always hoped Brian would see you differently than Wonpil did. Now knowing that he did, well, you couldn’t stop the smile that spread across your face.

“I’ve kissed Wonpil.”

Brian’s teasing expression drained away. “Y-you have?”

“Mm, like I would a friend, just a little peck. Should I peck you too? Maybe you’re right; I should try and imagine him actually kissing me.”

“Or you could not,” Brian offered, causing you to laugh at him.

“You could kiss me again too,” you added and Brian didn’t hesitate to lean in and do just that.

It was brief, given you had just stepped outside and people were milling around. It was one thing to kiss on campus without a care in the world, but it was dinner time, and most people didn’t need such a display of affection before hitting up the cafeteria.

Still, you almost complained when he pulled away. Brian pushed your hair away from your face affectionately and then smiled. “How’s that?”

“Hm, I think I might need to-”

“Can you stop with the teasing and just answer me straight?” he pleaded with a laugh and you looked down to see your linked hands. You hadn’t even realised you were still holding onto him this whole time. It made you swoon, especially when he picked up on where your focus was, his thumb gently running circles into your skin.

“I like kissing you,” you admitted and Brian’s lips curled up with satisfaction. You blushed, yet you couldn’t stop smiling back. “I like you.”

“Good because it’s been hard being the only one with feelings between us. Especially when you sent me a manuscript about a couple falling in love.”

You gasped, looking at him suddenly. “You’re right, I forgot all about the competition. It feels weird to think I was so wound up over that before.”

“You were close to your ugly sobbing face for sure,” Brian pointed out and you groaned, letting go of his hand and stalking across the grass atrium.

He caught you then, pulling you back and smiled another of those handsome smiles that you were certain you wouldn’t get enough of now. “It’s a good thing I saved you from having to let it out.”

“Saved me?”

“If it wasn’t for my computer, you would have most definitely had a meltdown.”

“Would you have kissed me if I did my ugly crying face?” you asked and Brian nodded.

“I would kiss you with any chance I get.”

_________________

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[DAY6 Masterlist] | [Main Masterlist] | [Request Guidelines]

[returnn-of-the-mac]

Recently discovered your blog and it’s really great! Could you do a companions react to Sole having nightmares about Shaun/Nate (before finding out Shaun’s true identity), either romanced or just friends? Thank you!

Hello~ Thanks for the request! I assumed you wanted a female SS since you asked for a Nate/Shaun dream? Hopefully that’s what you wanted! I decided to do romanced companions because that’s always fun. Lots of fluff👀! Please enjoy!😊

Edit: Added Nick per request.

FO4 Companions React: (Romanced) F Sole Having Nightmares About Nate/Shaun

After a long day of walking and fighting, Sole and her partner decided to relax in her Sanctuary home for the night. In the early hours of the next morning, Sole was tormented by horrible nightmares about Nate’s murder and Shaun’s kidnapping. She awakened in a panicked state and gently wept into her pillow. The commotion caught the attention of her lover:

Cait: “Hey now, darlin,” Cait tiredly called, rolling over and pulling her lover into a warm embrace, “ye dreamin about yer hubby and Shaun, yeah?” Sole began sobbing and Cait held her lover against her tightly, “It’s okay, beautiful. Why don’t we sit up and talk about it? I know it must be hard for ye.” Sole sat up and Cait lit he bedside candle. She then wrapped an arm around her lover. “I know how those night terrors are, used to get em all the time. I can’t imagine how hard this is for ye, love.” She smirked, “But don’t ye forget that yer girlfriend is the roughest, toughest fighter in the Combat Zone. We’ll get yer baby back. I’ll kick as many arses as I haveta.” Cait playfully ruffled her lover’s hair, “It’s bedtime, hun. We’ve got some baby huntin to do tomorrow.”

Danse: “Soldier?” Danse asked, completely alert. “Need to talk about something?” Sole shot awake and clung onto her lover, sobbing into his chest. Danse held Sole close and gently ran his fingers through her hair. “It’s going to be alright, soldier.“  Sole looked at Danse, eyes glimmering with grief. Danse wiped away the tears from Sole’s eyes and used his finger to brush away stray strands of hair from her face.  He held Sole’s shoulders tenderly and looked solemnly into her eyes, “We’re going to find your son; the son-of-a-bitch who kidnapped him won’t get away with it on my watch.” Sole’s lip quivered and Danse continued, “I‘ll neutralize anyone who tries to stand in our way.” Sole weakly smiled and Danse gently kissed her forehead, “Now get some rest, soldier. You look exhausted.” 

Hancock: “Hey, hey,” Hancock yawned, opening his arms, “Come here, gorgeous.” Sole accepted her lover’s tight embrace, resting her head in the crook of his neck and letting out stifled sobs. Hancock gently rubbed her back “It’ll be alright, doll. No doubt we’ll get your kid back, okay?” He kissed the top of her head. “Besides, I’ve got some pret-ty solid connections. If Shaun’s kidnapper has at least half a functioning brain cell, he won’t be messin with us. Trust me.” Sole sniffled and Hancock wiped away her tears. “I know whole shotstorm is tearing you apart, but you need to get some shut eye,” Sole laid down and Hancock tucked her back in, “Remember, I’ll be right beside ya if you need me.”

Piper: “Blue, what’s wrong?” Piper, worried about her lover, sat up and lit the candle on the nightstand. She looked at Sole and saw her lying face down, sobbing into the pillow. “Shhh,” she hushed, gently rubbing Sole’s back, “You wanna talk about it? I’m all ears.” Sole sat up and tried to compose herself. She scooted over next to Piper, who held her in a warm embrace. Piper rested her chin on Sole’s shoulder. “Worried about Shaun and dreaming about Nate? I can’t say I blame ya for being so upset. It’s a lot of baggage to manage, Blue.” Piper looked up and gave Sole a peck on the cheek. “We’ll get Shaun back, dollface. Don’t you worry about that. You have so many people supporting you. Everything will be okay.” The two sat in silence for a few moments before Piper spoke again. “But you know, you really should catch some z’s. All these nights of restless sleeping is gonna catch up with you.”

Gage: “Boss? What’s wrong,” Gage asked, concerned, “Why’re ya cryin? This ain’t like ya.” Sole rolled over and sobbed into her lover’s arm. An alarmed Gage stiffened. He had no idea what was happening and was extremely concerned. “You goo—?” Gage stopped and rephrased, “Stupid question. I know ya ain’t. Can ya tell me what’s wrong?” After a while, Gage have Sole a stern look, “Don’t you tell me you’re givin up, boss,” Gage began, “Cuz let me tell ya. You’ve got nothin to cry about. You‘re the strongest person I know; hell, the strongest I’ve ever met. If anyone can get your kid back, it’s you.” Sole look at Gage and the raider smirked. “And don’t ya go thinkin that the bastards who took em are gonna get passed me, either. Cuz they ain’t. I’ll mess em up.” Gage ruffled his partner’s hair and gave her a peck on the forehead. “I think it’s about time ya get some sleep. You’re gonna need it.” 

MacCready: “Huh?” A groggy MacCready rolled over to face his lover. When he realized that Sole was crying, he immediately became vigilant. He lit the bedside candle and placed a gentle hand on Sole’s shoulder. “Hey, hey hey, don’t cry,” he pleaded, “What’s the matter? Wanna talk about it?” Sole sat up and collapsed into her lover’s arms, sobbing into his shoulder. MacCready held her close, rocking her a bit. “I know how hard it is for you right now. But Shaun is still out there and we’ll find him, okay? That’s a promise.” MacCready stuck out his pinky, and Sole accepted the gesture. The couple pinky swore on it. “Now get to sleep, beautiful. You need the rest.” 

Preston: “Woah, General calm down,” A startled Preston rolled over to face a sobbing Sole, who had just awakened him from a deep sleep. When he had finally become oriented , Preston embraced his lover. “Shhh,” he whispered, “Babe, what’s wrong? I want to help you.” Preston held Sole tightly, burrowing his head into the back of their neck. “I can’t even fathom how painful it is to think about your husband and son,” Preston stated, “But I promise that the Minutemen will do anything we can to find him. I will do everything in my power to make sure of it.” 

Preston sat up, motioning for Sole to lay her head on the pillow. She did, and Preston tucked her in, “You need some shut eye, babe. Tomorrow’s a new day, and one day closer to finding Shaun.”

Curie: “Oh non, come here my love.” Curie wrapped her arms around Sole and pulled her close, showering her with kisses. “Shhh. Please, tell me what is wrong. We can chat. I shall light the candle, yes dearest?” Curie promptly sat up and lit the candle. The room was illuminated, and she could now clearly see Sole curled up in a ball crying. “My love,” Curie began, softly stroking her partner’s arm, “What is troubling you?” Sole placed her head in Curie’s lap and continued to bawl. “Having nightmares about your husband and son? Oh dear, I can’t even imagine how traumatic that was for you.” Curie pet her lover’s hair, “But do not fret, Madam. We shall find him; I will be by your side the entire time.” Sole relaxed a bit and Curie smiled, “I’m so relieved that you’re feeling better. But you need some rest, my love. You’re going to burn yourself out.” 

Nick: “[Name]?” Nick sat up and lit the candle. He looked over to see his lover curled up in ball sobbing. “What’s wrong, hun?” Nick ran his fingers through Sole’s hair and leaned over to give her a loving kiss on the top of her head. He outstretched his arm, inviting Sole to sit next to him. “Come here, darling. Let’s talk this out, alright?” Sole scooted next to Nick and rested her head on his shoulder. The detective sighed, “The death of your husband and the kidnapping of your son; it’s clearly taking a toll. And I can’t say I blame you for being so distressed. Everything you went through was traumatic. No doubt about it.” He reached over and held Sole’s hands in his, “But we’re going to reach a resolution soon enough, love. We’ve been working toward a solution this whole time. I’ll be damned if we don’t get answers.” He gave Sole another gentle kiss before tucking her back in. “In short: we’re gonna find Shaun. Guaranteed.”

[bazypitchandsimonsnow]

Pink and Black Roses: A Watford Cove Wedding

Rating: T

Genre: Fluff/Light Angst

Word Count: 7764

Summary: Eleven years after they first met in Watford Cove, Simon and Baz are getting married. Based on "frightened kiss" request.

Read on AO3

AN: I’m still working on the knight and warlock fic, don’t worry, but this is already done and edited so I want to get it up cause I'm so excited to post it. It's the last request of the 2018 batch, and I thought we needed to go out with a bang. So here's a future fic sequel to Watford Cove! Enjoy :D

———————————————

Simon

“Is my hair alright?” I ask. Penny sighs as she’s adjusting my tie.

“Your hair looks fine, Simon,” she says.

“Is it really?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“But maybe-”

“Simon!” She steps around me, standing between the mirror and I. Her hands grip my shoulders hard. Not tight enough to hurt but enough to keep me steady. “Stop fussing, you’re fine. Not just your hair, you. Stop panicking. Nothing is going to go wrong. And even if something does, stay focused on the goal.”

I snort, a wholly undignified sound for a grown twenty eight year old man I’m told. Like I care. “You sound like Baz’s uni football coach.”

She rolls her eyes. “Yeah, well, I’m probably smarter.”

“You definitely are, Pen, always.”

She smiles smugly, nose up in the air. “Of course I am.” I chuckle and hold her forearms. A lot of my nerves are already melting away. I don’t know what I’d do without Penelope. “Now, your tie is far more straight than you are.” I snort again. “We should probably get out there with everyone else.”

“Agreed.”

“You’ve got everything, right? Vows, ring, big smile?”

I reach into my pink suit jacket, feeling a piece of paper and and cool metal on my finger tips. I grin wide, all the way to my ears. “Yeah, all good.”

Penelope nods once, then reaches down to firmly hold my hand. “Awesome. Then let’s go.”

We walk together, arms swinging slightly, out the door of the powder room towards the main entry. There’s two doors between us and the main room of the Watford Cove Event Hall. Baz is walking down the aisle first with his party so he’s on the other side. (I wish I could push the doors open and see him.) My party is here, milling about and getting ready. Agatha keeps shifting around her black flower crown with a small frown.

“It doesn’t feel right,” she grumbles.

I stroll up to her and put her crown centre. She turns to me, and immediately grins.

“There,” I say, “perfect.”

“Hey Simon, how are you doing?”

“Honestly? I’m freaking out. But I’m also happy.”

“You better be! I don’t want to be wearing this silly crown thing for nothing.”

I frown and put my hands on my hips. “It’s not silly, it’s cute.”

Her mouth quirks up, one hand on her pink skirt. “Yeah, I suppose it is, even if it’s a pain to wear.” She looks around at the room with a hint of awe. “This whole ceremony is beautiful, really. I’m happy to be a part of it.”

I grin in full force again. Agatha is really nice. We met in uni, sitting together in an intro art class. She noticed how terrified I was to share my work and helped me calm down. We started chatting, and immediately became friends. Penny quickly came to like her too, but Baz took a little longer. He was even a bit jealous because he thought she had a crush on me. Agatha quickly dispelled that notion by introducing us to her girlfriend. Baz felt like an idiot, and I showed immense restraint by only teasing him for a minute. Now we’re all close friends. Close enough that Agatha agreed to fly all the way from California to be a groom’s maid in my wedding.

“Thanks,” I say. “Glad you’re here too.” I look out at all three of them, dressed in pink and black, different parts of my heart. “Glad you’re all here.”

“I’m happy to be here!” Micah chimes in. “This is all so awesome. And I feel like a pinterest photo in this suit.” He spins around, pink jacket flapping about while his black rose boutonniere flys off. Penny sighs as she picks it up.

“Careful, love,” she says. “Black roses are expensive, you only get one of these.”

Micah leans forward and kisses the top of her head, just under her own black flower crown. There’s nothing but affection in his eyes. “Understood, dear.”

Damn, years later and they’re still so sweet. Penelope met Micah long before she met me, when he was an exchange student at Watford High in Year 10. Apparently their connection was instant. Pen was already talking about marriage in high school, and the two went through with it right after uni graduation. They’re very happy. I hope my marriage is as good as Penny and Micah’s. Though looking at mine and Baz’s relationship for the past eleven years, I’d say that’s pretty well guaranteed. We’ve been through a lot, yet we’re still together. Being married will be fucking incredible.

“Are we all ready?” Gran walks in, dressed like a fancy lady. She looks great in her pale pink skirt suit with her hair all done up like a duchess or something. She’s got a black rose boutonniere too. It’s apparently a wedding thing to have flowers everywhere. Not that I mind, I love flowers. Hence why I’m wearing some on my head.

“As long as I don’t sick up, then yeah,” I chuckle.

Gran sighs, shaking her head. “You’re not going to sick up, Simon. You always say you will and you don’t.”

“Agreed!” Penny oh so helpfully adds in. I glare over my shoulder, and she sticks her tongue out. We may be fully fledged adults, but in some ways, we’re very much still children.

“You’re going to be fine, darling.” Gran reaches up to adjust my crown. It’s the one I’ve had since I was seventeen. Gran bought it for me on my first day in Watford Cove. It’s just a little  line of pink rosebuds across the top of my head, simple but pretty. Gran said that the one time my Mum was able to phone her while with my Dad, she called me her rosebud boy. My Mum called me such sweet things, and didn’t even live long enough for me to remember them myself.

“You’re thinking about your Mum, aren’t you?” Gran whispers, snapping me out of it. She’s got a tiny, sad smile on her face. I nod slowly.

“Y-Yeah. Sorta wondering what she’d think and all. It’s inevitable, I guess.”

Gran nods. She moves both hands to my front, holding my jacket. Her smile is still small but very kind. “Well, I think I knew my own daughter pretty well, so I can tell you a few things for sure.” I can see the way her eyes are quivering. She’s trying to keep from crying. “My darling Lucy loved you before you were even born, Simon. So she would be incredibly happy that you have found true love. If she were here, she’d be walking you down the aisle instead of me.”

Fuck, that hits me right in the heart in the best way. I smile, a few tears falling down my cheeks. “Darn it, Gran,” I chuckle, “I didn’t want to start crying until the vows at least.”

“Sorry, love.” She wipes at my face with her silk handkerchief. “Don’t worry, you’ve still got enough tears in you for Basil.”

“Oh definitely. I’m going to be a fucking waterfall.”

“Language, love.”

“Sorry, Gran. I’m just nervous.”

She cups my cheek, running a thumb under my eye to catch a stray tear. “I know, darling, I know. Don’t worry, it will be great.” There’s a thumping on the door, making me jump and my breath catch. That’s our signal. Gran holds out her arm for me with a grin. “Showtime, Simon.”

I nod rapidly, and take her thin arm in mine. “Alright. Let’s go.”

Agatha, Micah, and Penny line up in front of us. Agatha knocks back, and the oak doors swing open. The three start slowly walking forward. I take a deep breath, and follow behind.

The Event Hall is insane. Despite being a small town, Watford Cove apparently expected to host huge galas or something, it’s enormous. The ceiling is high and curved, decorated with a fancy mosaic. The walls are intimidating dark wood with pretty carvings. Though they’re covered up with flower garlands right now. The rose garlands are alternating pink and black, like the rest of our decorations, because we’re cheesy and like to stick to our aesthetics. As Gran and I walk forward, everyone’s standing up from their benches. And I mean everyone. We ended up inviting a lot of people. My aunt and uncle, my cousins, Aunt Fiona, Mitali, Martin, Penny’s siblings, Baz’s siblings, his extended family, his uni friends, my uni friends, Mr. and Mrs. Wellbelove, even Ebb and her twin brother. I can feel all their eyes on me. I gulp down my nervous lump and try to keep smiling at them.

But when I look at the altar, well, I don’t have any trouble smiling at all.

He’s standing right there, right at the end of aisle, grinning from pointed ear to pointed ear under a canopy of black and pink silk. His suit isn’t very traditional either. Malcolm nearly had a heart attack when Baz announced what he wanted to wear to the ceremony, but it looks amazing. A leather jacket pairs surprisingly well with a black button down and slacks. A pink rose is attached his lapel, same as Dev and Niall next to him, while Mordelia has a pink flower crown on her head. Baz’s hair is slicked back, but a few strands falling in front of his pretty face. I have to resist the urge to run up and tackle kiss him. This is supposed to be a serious event dammit. Even though I’m wearing a flower crown and he’s wearing a biker jacket.

Gran walks me to the steps and we stop. She kisses my cheek. I can feel a few saltwater drops hit my skin. I’m pretty sure a few are mine too. I hold her hand as I climb the white steps. Just as I reach the top, I turn back. Gran gives me one last big smile from below. I smile back, mouthing “thank you.” She nods once, and we let go.

But Baz is right there to catch my hand.

He pulls me the last step towards him. We stand facing each other, both hands together. I’m grinning, I can’t stop grinning. My heart is about to burst out of my chest.

“Hi,” I whisper. It’s all I can manage. My brain is too overwhelmed to think of words.

“Hi,” he replies. “Glad you could make it.”

I chuckle. “Same to you.”

“Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. Please be seated,” Mr. Kelly, our officiant says, loud enough that I know he means to shut us up. Baz gives me fake look of deference. It makes grin even harder. Christ, I really can’t stop grinning.

“Today,” he announces, “we are here to witness the union between two men I hope you all know.” A chuckle rumbles through the crowd. “And it will be my job to officiate the marriage between Simon Snow Salisbury and Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch.” I squeeze Baz’s hands. He squeezes back. “I’ve gotten to know these two wonderful men over the past few weeks. They’re very smart, very kind, and very much in love. They’re one of those rare, beautiful cases of finding true love at a young age. And it’s my honour today to help them celebrate their union and make it legally official. Now, I believe the grooms have their own vows prepared. Who would like to go first?”

Baz and I already decided who would go first. We both know I’ll be a complete mess after hearing Baz’s vows, so I need to go first. Baz and I (reluctantly) let our hands go. I take the folded note paper out of my suit pocket. My hands are shaking but I’m still able to read the words.

“Baz,” I start, “as you and everyone else knows, I’m not that great with words. So it took me awhile to figure out what to say. How can I just, summarise everything about you in words? We’ve been together for a very long time and I I know you better than anyone. So I know that you’re a lot Baz, and I mean that in a good way.”

“I hope so,” Baz says with a smirk. The crowd laughs with us.

“Don’t worry, I really do. You’ve always been a lot in a good way. I still remember the day we first met. You held your head high, like you could take on the world. I couldn’t look away, and I really haven’t stopped looking ever since, I guess. That was just the start though. I soon found out you were ‘a lot’ in other ways too. A lot charming, a lot funny, a lot kind, a lot of just everything good. You’re a really great person, Baz. You amaze me all the time. You’re the strongest, most astounding person I know. Being with you is always a new adventure. Sure, we’ve had our ups and down.” (We have small fights over dumb stuff but only a few big fights really, like our pre relationship fall out or brief break up after uni, aka the worst three months of my fucking life.)

“But ever since high school, I’ve always been happier with you. No one makes me feel like you do, even eleven years later. So, yeah, I don’t want to be with anyone else ever. I just want to marry you. And when we’re married, I promise to listen to your weird music, to repaint your nails when they’re chipped, to hold onto you tight and never let go, and just, y’know, love and care for you for the rest of our lives. I mean that with all my heart, because you’re the best thing in the world. That’s, uh, that’s it.”

I take a deep breath as I put the paper back in my pocket. Slowly, I look back up at Baz. He seems to be awestruck I think. Eyes wide, mouth hanging open slightly, tears welling in his eyes, but also happy. He can’t be too surprised. He must know all this already. I’ve said this stuff before in in pieces at different times. Maybe hearing it all together and in public is weird. I reach out and squeeze his hand. He smiles and squeezes back.

“Dammit,” he chuckles, “I’m supposed to be coherent for this, love.”

I along with everyone else laughs. Baz takes his own deep breath, looking more nervous than I’ve ever seen him. Even as he pulls his own note paper out, he keeps holding my hand. I think he needs to. I don’t mind, I won’t let go.

“Dear Simon,” he says, “I’m writing this three days previous at my desk, trying to figure out what to say on our wedding day, You’re sleeping four feet away from me, curled up with our cat, drooling on your pillow.” I giggle and my face turns bright red. “I look at you and a small part of me is still astounded you want to be with me. You are bright everywhere I'm dark. For awhile I felt unworthy because you were so perfect. But I've learned you aren't this untouchable ray of sunshine. You're even better. You're a real person with problems and fears, who has come out of horrible things tougher but not jaded. And because we’re both messed up, we've learned to be messed up together. We keep each other sane. You're my boyfriend and my partner. l'm more grounded with you by my side. So I’ve realised perfect is too simple a word for you. You’re kind, caring, funny, strong, and incredible, Simon, and I'm amazed by you everyday too. I feel better with you, and I have almost since the day we met. As I write this now, watching you sleep in our bed, there are things I want to make sure you know at our wedding.”

He looks up at me, gazing right in my eye. It’s impossible for me to look away. “I promise to watch your stupid romcoms all the way to the end, to get you sour cherry scones when you’re sad, to support your art even if it means lugging around enormous canvases, and to always help you pick what pastel outfit you should wear. But most of all, I promise to be there for you, no matter what. You’re the love of my life, Simon Snow Salisbury. I already know we’re going to be together forever, but I can’t wait to be married to you as well.”

I sniffle without shame. How the fuck am I not supposed to cry after that? We agreed to both have promises in our vows, but that’s all I knew before today. I want to snog him right now, other people be damned. But Gran would be upset. So I settle for just squeezing his hand. Baz squeezes back, and after putting his paper away, he reaches up to carefully wipe at my eyes. I can’t wait to be married to him too.

“Very beautiful vows” Mr. Kelly says, and he sounds a little teary himself. “My words absolutely cannot follow up, but I’ll try.” Everyone laughs through their quiet crying. “Simon Snow Salisbury, do you wish to be bound in matrimony to this man, till death do you part?”

“I do,” I say without hesitation.

“And Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch, do you wish to be bound in matrimony to this man, till death do you part?”

“I do,” he says immediately too.

“Perfect, good to hear. You may exchange the rings.”

Baz lets one of my hands drop and squeezes the other. “You go first, love.”

My throat is still too choked up to do anything but nod. I take the ring out of my pocket. Since our styles clash so much, Baz and I decided to get rings made in the same design but made from different materials. They’re both smooth on each side with braided metal in the middle. (I don’t know how it’s done, but it looks so cool.) Baz’s is black tungsten with a silver braid. It matches his leather jacket perfectly. I easily slip it over his long, bony finger.

“Now your turn,” I say.

Baz eagerly brings out my ring. It’s rose gold on the outside with a regular gold braid. Baz grins at me as he puts it on. The metal is cold right now. But I know eventually it will warm up, because I’m never taking off unless I really have to. And maybe I won’t even then.

“By the power vested in me by the Government of Great Britain,” Mr. Kelly says grandly, “I pronounce you husband and husband. You may kiss the groom.”

Mr. Kelly is barely done speaking before Baz and I are leaning forward. Baz cups my cheeks tenderly, I grip his forearms, and our mouths meet in a simple kiss. But it’s not simple. It’s our first kiss as husbands. And that makes it incredible. I’m so lost in the warm feeling of his lips I barely hear the applause and huge cheers from the crowd. We reluctantly part for politeness sake. Baz and I are both grinning and crying. We probably look ridiculous, but who the fuck cares? We’re allowed to look ridiculous right now.

“We’re married,” Baz whispers.

“We’re married,” I echo, equally shocked and so fucking happy.

Baz weaves our fingers together, then turns us to face the crowd. It’s quite a sight to see. All our family and friends, standing up, cheering for us with big smiles. My eyes meet Gran’s. Her smile is softer, and her claps aren’t as hard, but everything is said in the way she looks at me. Congratulations, she says with no words, I’m so proud of you.

I smile as wide as I can back at her.

Me and Baz step off the riser together. Baz raises our hands together, earning a particularly loud cheer from all our loved ones. The cool metal of Baz’s ring presses hard into my skin.

I’m so goddamn happy.

———————————————

Though it’s a bit tedious, taking the wedding photos is a lot of fun. The edge of the Wavering Wood is right near the hall. It’s a flat field with lots of beautiful trees and flowers in the background. The photographer is one of Baz’s many cousins, and he’s very good. He gets us to do many different poses. Some are serious, like looking at each other longingly under a willow tree branch, and some are funny, like Baz suddenly hoisting me up off my feet while I giggle in shock. I’m pretty sure I’m going to love all of them.

We take a lot of photos with our family and friends too. Gran, the Grimms, our wedding parties, some pictures separate and some together. I notice the that first Grimm photo is, well, a bit grim. I tell Baz to smile more, and he glares at first, but does. The others follow suit. They still look stiff, but it’s better. I’m more than pleased.

Baz is taking a picture with his siblings when my phone buzzes. I look down and don’t recognise the number. But Tibby, fellow community centre employee and indie artist, said she was getting a new number soon.

“Fuck, I have to go get this,” I grumble.

“Simon,” Baz groans, looking at me and probably ruining his photo. “C’mon.”

“It might be Tibby! She said she’d call me if our art got into the New Artist's show at Maureen Paley.” Baz still looks upset. I walk up and kiss his cheek, lightly touching his ring. “Two minutes, okay?”

Baz sighs with affectionate exasperation. “Fine, two minutes.”

I kiss his cheek again then dash off across the field. I answer the phone on the last ring. “Hey, Tibby. Did we get it? I’m a bit busy so can you-”

“Hello, Simon.”

I freeze. My blood runs ice cold. The ground is opening up underneath me, I swear. I can feel my muscles shaking so hard I nearly drop the phone. It takes a good few seconds for me to find my voice again.

“Hi, Dad,” I say shakily. “H-How did you get this number? I changed it last year.”

“You have an artist’s Facebook page, son. It was easy enough.”

Shit. I’m going to delete that the second I get home. “Oh, okay. Why are you calling?”

“I heard you were getting married today.”

“Oh,” I squeak. “Um, yeah, I am. Well, I did. But...how did you find out? You don’t follow me on social media, and we haven’t talked in awhile.” How could he know? He shouldn’t know. Fucking hell, he can’t  know.

“I met a member of the Grimm family at an education conference last year. We followed each other on Facebook. He just posted a picture from his cousin Basilton’s wedding, and imagine my surprise when I saw my own son kissing the groom. So, did my invitation get lost in the mail?”

I gulp down the lump that has suddenly formed in my throat. “It’s, uh, small. There aren’t a lot of people...”

“Not enough space for your own father?”

God, I forgot how quick he is. How easily he can turn the conversation back to his side. I pull at my hair almost painfully. “I-it’s just, Dad, I-”

I take a deep breath, reminding myself I’m not that weak kid he can pick on anymore. I’m twenty eight years old now, dammit. I have a life, a job, a wonderful husband, nothing he can take away. I don’t have to be scared anymore.

“Dad,” I say firmly, “you weren’t invited. Whatever bit of good relationship we had is long gone. You don’t approve of anything in my life. Not my profession, not my sexuality, not even my fashion sense. I wanted to enjoy my wedding day. Which meant you couldn’t be here.”

There’s a long pause. My heart beats faster with every passing second, but I did it. I stood up to him. After all these years, I can finally tell him off. At least a bit. But that’s more than ever before. I did it, I did it, I di-

“You insolent little brat, how dare you?” he growls. And all of my confidence blinks away in an instant. “After everything I’ve done for you. All I ever did was try to raise you to be better, but you spit in my face. You’re just bloody useless. You’re a complete idiot, a moron, a leech, Simon!”

He keeps going on, and all I can do is stand there. Just stand and listen to my father tear into me. I can’t move. I’m a kid all over again, listening as my father loudly berates me for whatever new screw up I had done. My whole body is shaking, tears streaming down my face, every muscle in my body shaking. I can’t even put down the fucking phone.

“I wish you were never born,” he yells. “You’ve never been anything but a disappointment, you stupid little f-”

The phone is suddenly ripped out of my hand. A familiar hand holds my shoulder. Baz stands in front of me. His face is completely impassive. I know that face, he’s in cold arsehole mode.

“Hello,” Baz says. “This is the man Simon just married. I’m here to tell you that as long as I’m around, you will not hurt him anymore. And you absolutely will not ruin his wedding day, understood? No,” he growls, cold cruelty turning into fury, “ you listen to me, you prick. The second I hang up I’m going to block this number. Don’t contact my husband ever again, or I’ll use all our family’s considerable wealth and influence to ruin your goddamn life. Goodbye.”

Baz hangs up and blocks the number, just like he said he would. Then he immediately wraps his arms around me. I sink into his embrace and bury my face in his shoulder, racked with full body sobs. Baz just keeps holding me.

“It’s okay,” he whispers. “It’s over. He won’t hurt you anymore. It’s alright, love.”

“I’m sorry,” I choke out. “I-I shouldn’t have answered, I’m-”

“None of that, love. It wasn’t your fault. You haven’t heard from him in six years, of course you wouldn’t think it was him.”

I sniffle very unattractively. “H-He saw a photo, of us, today. He asked why he wasn’t invited, and I told me the real reason, a-and he went off at me, and I-

“Shh, it’s alright, I heard. You stood up for yourself, you courageous fuck. I’m so goddamn proud of you.”

“You-You heard?”

“Yes. Well, the last part. I saw you go stiff and I got worried so I got closer, but I didn’t want to step in unless you needed me. I heard the of your amazing speech to him, and I thought everything would be alright. I was walking away when I heard you crying. I don’t know what he said, love, but I don’t care. Whatever it was, he will never talk to you like that again. I promise, okay?”

I nod against his shoulder. “O-Okay.”

We stand there for awhile, me gripping his suit and him stroking my hair. Baz keeps holding me up, like he always has for me, like I have for him too. Without a second thought, I tilt my head up to kiss him. It’s not hard or forceful, just firm. Baz kisses me back, swiping his thumb across my cheek and holding my waist. Our lips slowly slide together. Baz pulls me even closer. With every passing second of him kissing me, all my old fears melt away. They go back into the past where they belong. My father can’t hurt me anymore. He never will again, not as long as Baz is here. I’m glad Baz feels grounded with me. Because I absolutely feel grounded with him too.

We pull apart, even though I’d gladly kiss him forever. “Come on,” he whispers, “only a few more photos and we get to go to the reception.”

I nod, weaving my fingers with his. “Alright. Thank you.”

He places a last peck on my temple. “Anytime, love.”

We go back to the group. Gran notices my face immediately. She takes out her ever present handkerchief and dabs under my eyes and tells me to blow my nose with it. Penny squeezes my hand, Micah puts an arm around me, and Agatha gives me a sympathetic look. None of them why I was crying. I’m very grateful, because if I talk about it I’ll start crying again. I’ll tell them later though. They deserve to know.

The rest of the photos go off without a hitch. Well, not any big hitches. Micah gives me bunny ears in one photo, which makes Agatha snort and Penny roll her eyes with a smile. Dev, Niall, and Mordelia lift Baz up on his side, causing my lovely husband to let out a string of curses at them in both English and Greek. We get a final picture with all our family and friends, who are family too. Not my father, though. I don’t need him. These are the people I care about, and care about me in return, far more than he ever did.

———————————————

The reception is held in the Event Hall dining room. It’s covered in similar decorations, lots of pink and black everywhere. I love it. It's sort of how our flat is decorated, honestly. Our wedding parties sit at the head table, but we have to go “work the room” as Baz calls it.

“I want food,” I whine.

“We’ll get food soon, love,” Baz sighs. “We just have to go be nice to people.

“People are gross.”

Baz giggles, leaning against me. “That’s my line.”

I lean into him more. “We’re married, so what’s mine is yours now, remember?”

He giggles again. It’s a really pretty sound. “I suppose you have a point.”

I kiss him quickly, and we go off towards the tables. Everyone is very nice, congratulating us, wishing us a happy marriage. Ebb is weepy of course, saying how proud she is of me after all I went through, and I thank her for being here and always being my friend. I pick up my little cousin while Baz talks to one of his uncles, and she tries to take off my flower crown and rip my hair out. I don’t mind. She’s too adorable to stay mad at. Baz’s Aunt Fiona gives us both huge bear hugs and messes up our hair. We spent so much time with her during uni she’s pretty much become my aunt too. My art school friends ask if I’m going to make a wedding sketch series like I mentioned. One of Baz’s older relatives asks when we’re going to have a baby, because "the gays can do that now, right?" We get away from her quite quickly. It’s an enjoyable, slightly exhausting whirlwind.

Eventually, we finally get to sit and eat. I fall into my chair with a groan.

“Tired, Si?” Penelope asks with a smirk.

“Shut up,” I grumble.

“Now you know how I felt at my wedding, Si. Bloody exhausting affair, getting married.”

“Amen, Penny.”

The catering staff brings out the first course, French onion soup, and I immediately drink it down. Baz tells me to slow down but I’m so fucking hungry. I was so nervous this morning I barely ate. I wolf down the main course too. It’s chicken cordon bleu, Baz’s favourite. Honestly, it’s sort of become my favourite too. Some of his posh tastes have rubbed off on me in our eleven years, of course. Some of my tastes have rubbed off on him too. He really likes sour cherry scones now, which I find absolutely amazing.

Before the cake, our parents/caregivers go up and do speeches. Gran goes first. She talks about how glad she was to take care of, what a good person I am, and how elated she is that I’ve found happiness in art and with Baz. She says she looks forward to seeing more of the incredible things I do. I hug her fiercely, thanking her again for everything she’s given me. I can never thank her enough for that.

Mr. Grimm goes next. He’s stoic of course but very sweet, saying he’s glad Baz is happy with me. At the very end, he admits that he hasn’t always been the best father, but he’s very proud of the man Baz has become and Natasha would’ve been too. I grip Baz’s hand very tight at that. I can see him holding back a lot of tears. (Years of therapy has helped with a lot of his guilt over his mum’s death, but it’s still a hard subject.) Baz thanks his father, and even hugs him. Wow. That usually only happens at Christmas after a glass of wine.

Penny of course makes a speech too. She’s equal parts sarcastic and kind, saying how she really fucking hated people until she met me. That I'm a very good friend who she's glad she met. And even though she didn’t like Baz at first, she’s seen how happy he makes me, so she’ll let him stick around.

“It’s not like I’ll go anywhere she tells me to,” he mutters with a pleased smile. I sigh heavily. These two, my god, what am I going to do with them?

Dev and Niall make a speech together. They tell embarrassing stories about Baz from their childhood together, making Baz glare and flush. I try to stifle my laughter but it’s useless. They say I'm the best influence on Baz, and he's been far happier since almost the moment he met me, even before we were together. That's nice to hear. The pair congratulates us at the end, wishing us years of wedded bliss. And Baz does smile. So he’s not that mad, really.

“Time for cake?” I eagerly ask.

“Yes,” Baz says with a smile, “time for cake.”

The caterers roll in the huge three layer cake. Keeping with the theme, it’s black and pink with lots of flowers. They’re super realistic looking even though they’re made from sugar. I want to eat all of them. Baz and I cut it together to a round of polite applause. The cake is cherry red velvet. I didn’t know that flavour existed until we started look at different kinds of cakes. Baz and I agreed to it almost immediately. So of course I eat three slices.

“Simon, you’re going to be sick,” Agatha says.

“I’ll live,” I reply, waving my fork.

“Will you really?” Baz drawls sarcastically. “Because I am not dealing with cherry scented vomit. Again.”

My cheeks go bright red. “That was one time! How was I supposed to know cherry flavoured beer was a bad idea?!”

“Because the name itself sounds like regret,” Penelope oh so helpfully adds in.

“Exactly, Bunce.”

I stick out my tongue at both of them. “Like you’re one to talk,” I grumble, “you fell off your motorbike while trying to pop a wheelie on a hill.”

It’s Baz’s turn to look embarrassed, flush crawling up his pretty face. Dev, Niall, and Mordelia all start laughing at him. Not even Baz's glare shuts them up. “That was one time,” he grumbles.

I put my hand over his, spinning his ring around. “Yup. Aren’t we a pair, love?”

He chuckles and flips his hand over, lacing our fingers together. “That we are, darling, that we are.”

Once we’re done the cake, we’re told it’s time for our first dance. I’m a bit nervous because I’m a pretty terrible dancer. Baz and I have been practicing in preparation for today, but I’m still nervous. I hope I don’t fuck it up.

We stand in the middle of the dance floor. The room gets a bit dimmer, replaced with coloured lights, making everything a bit more quiet and romantic. Baz looks at me, half his face illuminated in silver and pink light. His smile is literally shining. As if he could get anymore dazzling. His arm wraps around my waist, I hold his leather clad shoulder, and our hands stick out together. His ring presses into my skin again. I like that, a lot.

“Ready?” he asks.

“No,” I chuckle, “but let’s do it.”

The music starts. It’s an acoustic version of one of Baz’s weird pop punk love songs. I like things soft and he likes things punk, it’s a happy middle ground, like the rest of our relationship. And we start dancing.

Honestly, it’s barely more than swaying. We move in a small circle on the smooth floor. But I don’t step his feet, which is a vast improvement from usual. There’s barely any room between us, just how I like it. The song floats through the air, surrounding us in it’s quiet melody and soft lyrics.

Suddenly, I’m 17 all over again, dancing with Baz in my room to Troye Sivan the night before he might’ve left. I was so terrified back then, desperate to keep Baz with me, and he was desperate to keep me too. That night was such a teen romance cliche, but I don’t regret it at all, and neither does Baz. Thankfully, we aren’t scared anymore. We’ve known for a long time that neither of us are going anywhere. And I’m reminded of that by the way he looks unflinchingly in the eye. I don’t look away either. I quickly realise there’s something I still haven’t said today.

“I love you,” I say, quietly, just as the song ends.

Baz’s grin gets even wider. He leans down, forehead pressed to mine. Everyone is cheering around us, but all I hear is his voice.

“I know,” he whispers, “I love you too.”

We keep our foreheads together for another moment. Unfortunately I can’t snog him silly right now. Maybe later. (Definitely later.) We bow to our adoring friends and family. They all look so happy. There’s barely a trace of Davy’s words left in my mind. He can’t ruin today. He can’t ruin anything anymore and never will again. My life is too strong to let him.

We invite everyone to come to the dance with us. The music picks up into one of my favourite pop tunes. I’m almost immediately jumping to the beat. My crown nearly flies off I’m so enthusiastic, making Baz snort with laughter. Soon everyone is dancing happily. Agatha is actually literally swing dancing with her girlfriend, laughing loudly. I dance with everyone I can. Swanning about with Gran, jumping with my groom’s maids and man, letting my little cousin stand on my feet. I see Baz doing similar things with his friends and family. He’s doing a sort of waltz with Daphne, and I’m chatting with my uncle. We smile at each other. It may just be my mind tricking me, but I swear my ring warms up a bit.

———————————————

“Have you got enough clothes?” Gran asks.

“Yes, Gran,” I reply.

“Toiletries?”

“Yes.”

“Food? You do get hungry-”

“Gran,” I hold both her hands firmly, “I’m fine. I’ve got everything we need, alright?”

She takes a deep breath, though her mouth is still a thin line. “I’m just unsure how you and Basil can fit all you need in that backpack.”

She indicates my camping bag, which is, in my opinion, quite large enough. “I promise you, Gran, it’s fine. Plus we’ve got Baz’s enormous tail bag too. You could fit a country in there.”

“No complaining about the tail bag when it’s going to hold all your snacks, Salisbury,” Baz says from where he’s sitting on his bike. He was talking to Dev and Niall, but he has damn super hearing, the wonderful bastard. I stick my tongue out at him.

I look back at Gran, who’s still nervous. I step closer. “We’ll be fine. If we don’t have something we need, we’ll just pick it up along the way.”

“Will you be safe though?”

“I’ve ridden on Baz’s motorcycle many times before and I’m still here.”

She frowns, obviously annoyed. “Not for three weeks straight across the UK and Ireland. What if it breaks down?”

“Baz just got a tune up, but if there are any problems, he'll fix them. He's got his toolkit in the infinite tail bag.”

"What about your jobs?"

"The community centre loves me. They were more than happy to give me a month off for my honeymoon. And Baz isn't teaching any summer courses this year so the university doesn't need him until late August."

"What if you get lost?"

"Baz has stuff memorized and we've got GPS, but," I pat my enormous bag, "I've also got a physical map in here with our route drawn out in case our phones die."

“Alright...”

She still looks very nervous, because of course she is. Gran shows her love by fussing. The day I moved to London she was a nervous mess. I wish she wouldn’t worry, but I appreciate her caring. I kiss her forehead.

“I’ll be alright, Gran,” I say. “We'll be back here having dinner with you and everyone else before you know it. Okay?” Watford Cove is our last stop before going back to London, of course. We’ll be having a big feast with both sides of the family. It’ll certainly be a good end to a long trip.

That makes some of the tension fall from her body. “Okay. Call me when you can?”

“Of course.” I look to my left, at Penny, Micah, and Agatha. “And you guys will keep the flat in order right? And make sure Cherry is good? He gets jumpy so you’ve got to play with him for a little while. And he needs two meals a day. And-”

“We know, Si,” Penny says, rolling her eyes.

“We’ve got your checklists,” Micah adds in.

“First week and a half will be mine and Felicia's job,” Agatha says, repeating what we agreed on. “Then we'll go back to California and I’ll hand off cat and house sitting duties to Penelope and Micah for the next week and a half.”

“And I’m taking yours and Basil’s suits home for safe keeping,” Gran says cheerily.

I grin. Of course I already knew all that, but it’s good to hear it again. “Awesome. We’ll call to check in, and call us if you need to.”

Penny waves dismissively. “Don’t call us, Si. Everything will be fine. Go enjoy your honeymoon. We’ll clean up the reception, hold onto your fancy clothes, and take care of your nightmare pet well, trust us.”

I pout. “Cherry isn’t a nightmare, just energetic.”

“Mhm, right.” She pushes lightly on my shoulders. “Now go have fun. And don’t crash into anything, please.”

“Don’t insult my driving, Bunce.” Baz calls back. “I’ve had a motorbike for over a decade and haven’t crashed once.”

“But you’ve almost crashed more times than I can remember.”

Baz glares harder. But he holds out his hand, and Penny takes it. They shake once. “See you in three weeks, Bunce,” he says with a small smile. “Thank you, for everything.”

She shakes back, smiling too. “You’re welcome. Now get on with your honeymoon.”

“Will do, if Simon can get going.” He raises his eyebrow at me. I huff, blowing hair from my eyes.

“Hold your horses, we’ve got time”

“It’s getting dark, love. And we should get to the first hotel soon if we want to stay on schedule.”

“There’s a schedule?” Agatha asks a bit astounded.

“Oh yeah,” I snort. “Baz has our road trip planned down to bathroom breaks. For a punk, he loves to be all structured and shit.”

Baz holds his nose up, looking extremely snooty. “I like to know where I’m going, sue me. And you liked the trip schedule when I showed it to you, so fuck off, love.”

“I don’t think marriage is going to change much for you too,” Penelope chuckles quietly.

“Yeah,” I sigh dreamily with a big grin, “I know.”

Even though he’s a prick (I adore him, but he is), Baz has a point. We need to get going. I hug Gran, Agatha, Penny, and Micah as tight as I can. Baz hugs Malcolm, Daphne, Dev, Niall, Mordelia, and his other siblings. They stand together in front of the Event Hall, the lights from the end of the reception still shining from the windows. I zip up my floral leather jacket (20th birthday present from Baz) all the way up, put on my riding gloves over my ring, and secure my pale blue helmet. Baz throws on his own jet black helmet. It has silver vines that I painted on. I’m very proud of it. I sit on the bike and wind my arms around his waist, like I have a hundred times before, and like I will a hundred times more.

Baz looks at me over his shoulder, a glint in his beautiful eyes and a playful smirk on on his mouth.

“Ready to go?” he asks.

I almost say, I’d go anywhere with you, but that feels just a bit too cheesy. Maybe I’ll say it later. For now, I just nod, and say, “yeah, let’s get going.”

His smiles wider, and puts a hand on his visor. “Allons-y,” he says.

He still says that all the time, eleven years after our first kiss. I’m reminded of that night every time he says it. And I love it.

“Allons-y,” I reply.

We flip down our visors, give one last wave to our loved ones, and drive off into the dying light of the late of the evening. Baz drives us through Main Street. I recognise the places. Ms. Pritchard’s Bakery, the drug store with my favourite nail varnish, the park where I asked Baz to be my boyfriend, the ice cream parlour we all went to after graduating high school and then later uni, and a familiar hill in the distance; Where Mt. Olympus is, where I first kissed Baz, and where he proposed to me last Christmas. The memories race through my mind as we race through the streets.

Baz takes us up a hill. I get a lovely view of the entire town. It looks beautiful at night, with lights like stars and the sparkling lake in the distance. I hold Baz even tighter. I’m so unbelievably grateful for what I found in Watford Cove.

———————————————

Awwwww totally cheesy, I know. They deserve cheesy goodness after all the shit they went through. And here's a little insight into their future lives: yes, Baz is a university professor, but he refuses to change his fashion sense. He teaches a first year English 101 course (his hell) and a third year queer literature course (his heaven). He's everyone's fave prof because of how badass and sarcastic he is. Simon works at a community center with little children while still doing art on the side. He loves making kids happy and tries to be the kind of person for them that Ebb was for him growing up. For art, he does showings at local galleries, sells prints at hipster markets, and posts stuff on his tumblr blog. Simon and Baz are obviously still pretty damn in love. They have a date night once a week, drive around London on Baz's motorbike all the time, love to snuggle on the couch together to watch TV, all while living in a pastel pink flat covered in punk posters along with their nightmare cat, Cherry. In summary, they're very happy.

Two other things: this is the design I based their rings off of, and this is the song they dance to. Y'all might recognise it as the song where the title for one of the chapters of Watford Cove came from :) It's one of my fave songs ever so I'm absolutely projecting lol.

Thanks for reading, hope you liked this glimpse into the future of my punk/pastel Simon and Baz. I certainly enjoyed writing it. Watford Cove has always been one of my faves so returning to that world was nice. So that's it for the requests. Black Swan will keep updating, I'm currently working on the warlock and knight fic and that will hopefully be finished in a couple weeks, baring any school or health complications, and I'll def be opening requests again in May. Thanks a million to those who requested stuff. And just as big a thanks to everyone who liked, reblogged, commented, and/or left kudos on the fics. It's been a blast. See you guys next time :)

[hystericalrogertaylor]

As The World Crumbles (Chapter Five)

Collaboration with @bentaylorrogerhardy

Pairing: Ben Hardy x Reader

Word count: 2099 

Summary: Ben and (Y/n) have been dating since Bohemian Rhapsody’s release. Everything seemed perfect for the young couple, until the night of the Golden Globes. Russia has bombed the United States, destroying everything and implementing a ruthless dictatorship. With the country in tatters, Ben, (Y/n), Rami, Lucy, Joe, and Gwilym form the Killer Queens, a vigilante group aimed on destroying the new government, and the cold-blooded dictator, Cornelius Vanzant.

Warnings: Pregnancy, mentions of kidnapping/guns, one cuss word, heart-wrenching angst and super duper-squishy fluff 

A/N: I think y’all are gonna like this...

Master list

Spotify playlist

(I feel like this gif was edited with a filter or something, so yeah, it’s not ours. Haha)

~~~

“Oh, my God,” you whispered, covering your mouth with your hand. It was quiet enough to hear a pin drop. Lucy stood there, in front of the TV, seemingly paralyzed by fear and shock. Then, her knees started to buckle, eventually giving out under her. She fell to the floor and started to scream.

“NO!” she yelled at the blank TV screen. “This can’t be happening! Rami, come back!” She leaned forward, almost putting her head on the floor and sobbing her heart out. “Why?!”

Ben slowly broke away from your side, kneeling down next to an inconsolable Lucy. He pulled her into a hug, whispering “shhhh” to try and calm her down. “Hey, we’ll get him back. Okay? We’ll do all we can. Please don’t cry.”

“He’s going to die!” she shouted, her body shaking with each sob. “They’re going to kill him!”

“We won’t let that happen,” Ben said quietly.

Lucy sniffled loudly, sitting up and looking Ben straight in the eyes. “Can you promise me that? Can you promise he’ll be alive to see his child?” Ben broke eye contact, looking down at his lap. “That’s what I thought.” She stood up, brushing her pants to get rid of the dust. “I know we can’t guarantee his survival, but we can at least try.” She wiped the back of her hand over her cheeks, smearing the tears.

“It’s your call,” Gwilym said, standing off to the side. “We’ll do what you want to do.”

“We watch them,” she said. “We watch the news, watch what they schedule. If his execution is public, we can get him that way. If it’s not, we can break into whatever headquarters they’re using and take him that way.”

Gwilym nodded. “Okay. Sounds doable. Let’s get to work as soon as everyone can.”

Frankie, at some point, had come into the room, watching everyone’s somber expressions. Dogs can smell emotions, and Lucy was the most depressed in the whole room. She slowly made her way over to Lucy, jumping up on her leg.

Lucy actually smiled. “Hey girl. Hey Frankie.” She picked the dog up, holding her to her face. “Everything’s fine, girl. We’ll all be fine.”

In response, Frankie started to lick Lucy’s face, making Lucy laugh a little. “That tickles!” She held Frankie away at arm’s length, smiling at her. “Thanks for that, Frankster. I needed it.”

---

After a hard day of planning how to get Rami back, you and Ben went back to your room, not even changing clothes before slipping under the blankets. Ben stared up at the ceiling, not making an effort to hide his pain.

“I just can’t believe we let that happen,” he whispered, rubbing his eyes. “He was behind us, and when we turned around a random man had a gun on his head.” He took a deep breath. “We tried to shoot him as he got away but it wasn’t any use. We could’ve hit Rami.”

You shook your head. “You’re so stupid,” you said, rolling over to face away from him.

You heard him sit up. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“How could you possibly think you could take him down?” you asked, trying not to look at him. “They’re a powerful group of people, there’s no way you could’ve saved him.”

“What the hell, (Y/n)?!” he practically shouted.

You slowly sat up, finally looking back over at him, tears starting to pool in your eyes. “It’s just...I hate living every day knowing that any moment, these terrible people could just yank you out of my grasp.” You gulped, trying to suppress a sob. “I know it makes me a terrible person, but I’m so glad they didn’t get you. I don’t know what I would’ve done.” You paused for several seconds, waiting for Ben to say something. When he didn’t, you continued to talk.

“I’ll have nightmares. Almost every night. And a vast majority of them are you dying. I’ll...I’ll wake up and actually have to check the other side of the bed to make sure you’re still there. I’ve also scoured the pharmacy for pregnancy tests, and I’ll sometimes take them after a nightmare where I lose both of you, just to make sure the baby’s still there too.” Ben blinked several times, trying to comprehend what he was hearing. “You two are my everything, I couldn’t handle losing either of you. No way in hell would I be as calm as Lucy is right now.” You had to stop because you were sobbing so hard. “Please, just...don’t leave me. You’re all I have left.”

Ben sighed, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you in for a hug. You held onto him for dear life, letting your tears fall onto his shirt. He stroked your hair, placing soft kisses on your forehead. “I’m not going anywhere, love. I’ll protect all three of us with whatever I can. We’ll be okay.”

“But it’s like what Lucy said,” you whimpered. “We can’t guarantee anything. If you go out on a run tomorrow to stalk Vanzant’s men, there’s no way you can say you’ll come home because you just don’t know! Fuck, I wish we’d never gone to the stupid Golden Globes!” You shook your head. “We could’ve been home, in London, watching from afar. We wouldn’t be in this stupid mess!”

“Once this is all over, we’ll head back to London, have our family, and never think about these years again.” Ben held you closer. “You’re the love of my life. Being with you until I die is all I want to do, and I’m willing to do whatever to get there, including killing Vanzant myself.”

You looked up, grabbing Ben’s face with both of your hands and pulling him into a kiss. It was short, but full of love and meaning. You knew he meant every word he just said.

You pulled away, still sniffling. “Let’s...I don’t know...go on a walk tomorrow. Spend the day with each other. Forget our problems.”

Ben cocked an eyebrow. “You want to go outside? You just protested me--”

“No, not in a public place or anything,” you clarified. “You know the garden behind the hospital? We could just hang out there all day. Get some fresh air and sunshine.”

Ben smiled, nuzzling his face into your neck, placing several kisses here and there. “That sounds amazing.”

You sighed, running your fingers through his hair slowly. “What are you doing?” you asked quietly.

“I don’t know,” he answered, pushing you down onto the mattress.

---

You and Ben woke up bright and early, wanting to get a jump start on your relaxation day. After changing out of your birthday suits and finding Frankie a leash, you said goodbye to everyone else and headed out to the hospital’s garden.

What remained of the lush area was still as beautiful as ever in your eyes. The hospital walls had begun to be severely depressing. The fresh scenery and open air was already doing wonders for you.

“All right Frankie,” Ben said, unhooking her from the leash. “Go have fun!” Frankie ran off, sniffing several plants and always staying close to you two.

You and Ben took a stroll, hand-in-hand, in complete silence, listening to the sounds of nature and the apocalypse. Under the shade of trees and knowing you weren’t seen was quite calming for you. If a plane hadn’t flown over at that moment, you would’ve had more hope for the future to be better.

“We’ve been inside for I don’t even know how long,” you said, beginning to swing the arm holding Ben’s hand. “It’s so nice to get out.”

“It is,” Ben agreed. “I’m already having more fun than when I went out yesterday.”

You shook your head, feeling the sadness creep back in. “No, we’re not talking about that. We’re here to enjoy ourselves.”

“Right, sorry.” He pantomimed zipping his lips, making you smile.

You sighed, looking up at Ben. “Do you ever just randomly think about the fact that we’re about to be parents? Like, you almost forget about it and then you remember and get that happy, fuzzy feeling, but at the same time you’re scared because this isn’t where you want to raise a child.”

He nodded. “Yeah, I get that. But usually I just get all smiley and giddy because, wow, I’m gonna be a dad. And the mom is the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.”

You blushed, smiling down at your shoes. You ran a hand over your stomach. “I can’t wait to have a bump.”

“Why’s that?” He put his hand on top of yours, causing you both to stop walking.

“Because then it’ll be real.” You smiled at him. “Then I’ll actually feel pregnant.”

Ben frowned, laughing. “I’m surprised you didn’t feel pregnant when you threw up again this morning and then cried about how cute Frankie is.”

You smacked his arm, laughing. “Oh, you know what I mean!”

Ben chuckled, pulling you into his chest. You sighed with contentment while he ran a hand up and down your back. “We should tell the others,” Ben suggested again.

You pulled away, shaking your head. “Ben, you know we still can’t do that.”

“But why not?” He was getting upset again, and you just wanted the conversation to be over.

“It’ll stress them out, and Lucy will be more upset that Rami’s not here for her.” You grabbed his hand again, beginning to slowly stroll again.

“All right,” he ceded, letting you pull him down the path.

After a few more minutes, you came upon a fountain. The water had long since evaporated, leaving an empty, beautiful stone monument. Frankie, who was still right on your heels, ran up to it and began sniffing around, even jumping up inside, before spotting a butterfly flitting about and chasing after it.

“Frankie, please don’t eat the butterfly!” you called after her. You shook your head. “Never really thought I’d have to say that out loud.”

Ben laughed, watching his dog run around and bark. “The butterfly’s too high up, she won’t get it.” He sat down on the edge of the fountain. The sun shone directly on him, making his blond hair glow and his blue eyes sparkle. You sat down next to him, putting your head on his shoulder.

“There’s no place I’d rather be right now,” you said, closing your eyes.

“Me neither.” He used his finger to tilt your chin up, pressing a kiss onto your lips. You grabbed his shoulders as he cupped your face, trying to be as close as possible. You swung your legs over and moved towards him so you were sitting on his lap. He moved a hand to your waist, always being careful to avoid touching your stomach (he was always paranoid he’d accidentally hurt the baby). The moment was getting a little heated, which wasn’t uncommon for you two, until he said something that made you stop.

He dug his fingers into your hair, pausing the kiss for a second. “Marry me,” he whispered.

“Wait.” You put your hands on his chest, pushing him away only slightly. “What did you say?”

This time, he stared directly into your eyes as he said, “I want you to marry me.” When you said nothing, he continued: “I’ve been thinking about it. I know you love me, and I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything. Like I said last night, my one goal is to spend my life with you. I would have no greater joy than if you said yes to marrying me.”

You had a few tears slipping down your cheek. Somewhere deep down, you knew this moment would come; you would even daydream about it sometimes. But nothing could compare to the actual words he spoke.

“Yes,” you rasped, your throat filled with phlegm. You cleared your throat quickly before trying to speak again. “Yes, I’d love to marry you.”

His face broke out with the biggest grin you’d ever seen. He chuckled as his own tears began to trail down his face. “Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy.”

You used your thumbs to wipe away his tears, smiling wide. You pushed your face back into his, continuing the kiss from earlier. He wrapped his arms around you tightly, never wanting to let go.

Until Frankie jumped up next to you both, a large pine cone in her mouth. You both looked down at her, laughing. You smiled, knowing that your planned day had turned out perfectly.

Tag list: @florencewelchmybiggod @xquiet-thoughtsx@virtualsheepeat @pietrorunsforme @stella2445 @dovexparker@amostpeculiarmademoisellerp @harrysniallpolish @mr-stank-i-dont-feel-so-dank (I’m terrible at tag lists, so send an ask if I forgot you. Sorry!) 

[boogiewrites]

Choking On Sapphires 49

Title & Song: Hounds of Love

Characters: Alfie Solomons x Genevieve (OFC)

Word Count:  8400+

Summary: Gen spends the holidays with the entire Shelby family at her place. All the kids bring up a lot of feelings, and Alfie isn’t helping her hormones stay stable. She has to face a lot of hard truths about what she wants out of her future. 

Warnings/Tags: Language. Angst. FLUFF. Babies. Alfie with babies. You’ve been warned of potential ovulation.

**Chapter song is Hounds of Love by Kate Bush.*

Positive feedback is MUCH appreciated! Reblogs, likes, asks and comments feed me to write more! Let me know if you’d like tagged in my work.

My Masterlist. (Includes Parts 1-48)

Weeks pass and you nurse Alfie back to health. By the time he's set to leave to go spend the holiday with his family, he's up and about and working on getting the strength in his arm back.

The words you'd finally spoken had put an ease over the two of you. Without the expectation of sex, you'd found other ways to spend your time together.  You'd drawn him as he rested and even as he was awake, placing a crown of laurels on his head to practice for a painting. Even though he hated it, he let you. You read together, finally getting around to the Oscar Wilde book. He'd even worked on some writing of his own which you praised him for. Both of you using art both together and separately seemed to help you both cope.  You'd been cooking together, or rather he would instruct you and you would follow, doing all the work yourself as he couldn't because of his arm. He teaches you how to make proper challah and matzo, which in turn you made matzo ball soup with. You'd been taking walks in the garden together, even showing him some basics in painting as you tried to capture the beautiful gloom of the winter landscape of your estate. He thought he was shit at it as he put it, but you, of course, thought he was doing wonderfully.

If anything the time together brought you closer, you weren't sure if that was a good thing, but you were certainly happy there was no looming gloom above the both of you. You trusted that when the time was right, he'd tell you what was wrong, and you held onto it so tightly to get you through the moments when your heart would thump for his touch. 

--- He was gone for what felt like weeks, but in reality, it wasn't. You did keep yourself more than busy in the time being, celebrating Hanukkah with those you shared your home with. You put out the breathtaking Menorah, you read the passages you sang the songs and lit the candles every night. You baked and cooked and fried every sort of thing you'd always wanted to eat but weren't allowed, you gave gifts and even played the piano some nights, trying to give something of yourself to those who helped you every day. --- Alfie returns, seeming to be feeling better, the color back in his face even if his eyes did read as tired.

You're in front of the fire in the big family room in the guest wing. You'd readied the house for the appearance of all the Shelby's, rooms dressed, presents wrapped and home decorated for Christmas. You didn't feel wrong celebrating Christmas with them, even if it wasn't something you had to do anymore, it still felt right to be with them and if you weren't celebrating Jesus with them, you were celebrating a chosen family. Realizing Alfie wouldn't be around for Hannukkah, you had called Tommy to see if they all wanted to come to stay at yours for Christmas. You told him about what happened with your father and he understood, he didn't want you alone on Christmas either. Your home was plenty big enough for them all, a grand nursery and many maids and cooks to accommodate everyone so he gives you the go-ahead to start planning for the flood of Shelby's.

The night before they are scheduled to arrive, you're sitting and staring at the presents under the tree. You'd gotten carried away but you needed someone to buy presents for and you'd spent a great deal of time picking things out for every adult and child. You're in the floor, cheek resting on your knee with your back against the couch as you sit and try to think about any good Christmas memories you might've had. They mostly involved you playing with the other children, and even as an adult that was a part you were looking forward to most. You loved the late night drinking and laughing, the overeating and the gift giving.

But there was something so wholesome and pure about a child around Christmas time, and knowing Elizabeth would've been celebrating her first as a mother made your mind overthink about whether you'd be like her and never have such a thing yourself. For now, you'd just have to be content with the many baby Shelby's that would be calling out for your attention. A Shelby child at every age to let you live out a mothering fantasy for yourself. You'd thought that maybe one day you'd have a child. It wasn't something that was ever at the forefront of your mind, but you'd gone this long and not gotten pregnant you were wondering if that was the result of good planning or luck. Whether that luck was good or bad you weren't so sure.

"Genevieve?" you hear Alfie's voice call from the doorway of the large room, taking you from your thoughts about happy children with his appearance as you hide a frown from him. To say he hadn't been involved in some of your thoughts about children would be a lie. Even if you didn't like to admit to yourself that you were being silly enough to imagine such a thing. You hated yourself for feeling so pregnant with emotion this time of year to even indulge in such thoughts.

"I'm in front of the fire, dear." you call out, waving a hand in the air so he can see you. He appears as he rounds the couch, a stack of presents in his hands. "You adding some to the tree as well?" you ask with a half smile and a tilt of your head.

"Nah, luv." he gruffs out as he sits in the floor next to you. "These are for you."  he says pushing them between your close bodies. "Dinnit get to give ya any over our holiday did I? Since I'm not really a part of this holiday celebration ya got goin' on I wanted to give 'em to ya tonight before the fleet of gypsies comes in." he grins.

"That's actually not a bad idea." you say slowly, head turning towards the tree. You crawl over to the large decorated and shining tree. He laughs at the sight.

"What ya doin'?" he thumbs his nose as your bum sticks up in the air as you reach into the stacks of presents.

"Getting your present, silly." you say obviously.

"Ah...ya did get me somethin'."

"Of course I did," you say in the same tone, tucking it into the pocket of your wooly jumper before crawling back and facing him with crossed legs. "You've gotten me so many grand things, what kind of person would I be to not give you something in return, hmm?" you say with a smile, retrieving the box from your pocket and handing it to him.

"You first." he says, laying the box on the couch cushion behind you.

"I do have more." you grin an almost childlike smile.

"As it should be." he says with a shake of his head, handing you the biggest box first.

"Thank you, Alfie." you say softly, eyes connecting for a breath or two before you tear away at the paper. You pop the lid off of the box, and inside is a roll of new paint brushes rested on top of a new mixing palette with tubes of paint piled to fill the rest of the space in the box.

 "You couldn't have chosen better, darling." you say cheerfully. "RIght brand and everything, clever man." you lean over and kiss his cheek and it even brings a slight flush to his face in the painful absence of your touch. "Thank you. They'll be put to use as soon as the Shelby's are gone. I guarantee it."

He relishes in the happy look on your face, knowing he could still cause such a thing. "I knew you'd been drawin' me too much so I thought you could use 'em since you keep saying you're working on something big." he shrugs.

"You don't have to make excuses, it's perfect, truly, thank you." Your sweet smile makes him sigh. "You want to open yours or should I go for another?" the smile that reaches your eyes stays put and he hands you another wrapped package.

"Another. Even us out." he says in an almost sleepy way as he felt relaxed at the sight of you happy with him in the light of the fire.

You unwrap it with eager fingers and as always he loves to see the expression come over your face. There's no box this time, but a leather-bound book and your mouth falls open, a small gasp as you reach out and grab his forearm, wide eyes meeting his amused ones.

"Alfie! Where on earth..." you whisper out, eyes returning to the book.

"France of course." he grins, entirely happy with himself as he should be.

"It's the first edition." you coos, fingertips running over the gold embossing 'A rebours by Joris-Karl Huysmans'. You turn the cover to reveal a signature by the author. "ALFIE!" you squeak, slapping his arm and he lets out a belly laugh. "I've not been able to find this."

"Ya like it?" he coos at you.

"I fucking LOVE it! My word this is...I don't even know what to say it's absolutely perfect." you clutch it your chest. "You...ugh!" you let out a frustratedly happy noise as you lean over to wrap your arms around his neck. "It's brilliant. YOU'RE brilliant!" you almost squeal in your excitement. You'd never met a man more thoughtful and observant. A man who would remember the most worn book on your shelf and seek out a rare copy just for you. In your happiness, you feel that familiar pang in your gut that you couldn't thank him in the way your mind and body were telling you to. You wanted to kiss him and not stop until the sun came up.

"Ya still got one more, luv." he laughs, returning the hug with one arm, the other hand lightly on your back.

"I don't know if I can't handle another," you say keeping the book in your lap. "But I have one left and so do you so you open yours." you say with enthusiasm.

"If you insist," he says with a charming smile, large fingers picking away at the paper around the small box. He didn't know what he expected, but not this. Inside sits a very large gold, diamond, and black ring. A thick and unmistakably masculine band of gold, a solid square of black atop it, a diamond in each corner of the square and a large S so delicately laid in thing gold outlining tiny diamonds that compose the inside of the letter. "Fuckin' 'hell Gen." he says softly. "It's...it's gorgeous, luv." his eyes swing up to find you chewing your thumb nail nervously.

"You like it? I had it made special for you." you say with a still unsure face.

"How could I not have you seen this fuckin' thing?" he grins, leaning in closer to you to emphasize his seriousness.

"I hoped you wouldn't find it too much. I know I have a flair for the dramatic in my tastes." you smile sheepishly.

"You?" he scoffs, holding up his hand that had multi rings, all large and borderline obnoxious and it makes you laugh.

"It's not just a ring though," you say, moving to your knees and scooting closer to him. "Put it on, please." you request of him so politely. You take his hand in both of yours. "You see...I had it weaponized for you."

"Weaponized?" he says with interest piqued in his voice.

"The diamonds, all of them are shaped and polished into points, they're very sharp. The little gold wires are also very thin and capable of cutting," you explain as you point out things on the ring but he keeps looking at your captivating face so close to his. "I'd been considering how to get weapons into places when we're so often told we can't bring them. So I thought that jewelry might be the answer. The corners are capable of cutting through rope with enough time and pressure and a solid hit from your strong arms to someone's face with this would easily draw blood and slice them open." you look up to see if he's following, as he'd fallen quiet but you find him already looking at you. "I thought it would ease my mind a bit...knowing that even if you get tied up or find yourself without anything else...you'd have this to get yourself out." your voice falls softer as you both look at each other.

"Genevieve you clever, clever, woman. No one else could've thought of something like this...let alone design it and bring it into existence. I should like to steal your words and say it's brilliant and so are you, luv."

Your lashes flutter at the praise and you lower your head from his gaze as you feel the heat creep into your face.

"And you have one last gift, my dear." he says motioning to the box that left sitting on the floor.

You take it without words as they've got caught in your throat as you decide to nod and smile instead. You pick open the rectangular box, a black velvet case sits in your hands as you take off the lid to reveal a necklace.

This was the look he'd been longing to see. Your eyes in awe and wide, your perfect lips in an O shape as your lashes flutter for a moment.

"Alfie," you whisper, eyes not leaving the pendant. He sees tears appear in your eyes that he does not expect, but as he considers the cause, it starts to make sense to him. Your reaction also gives way for his selfish heart to imagine what you might look like to receive such a thing as a sivlon (Jewish gift of engagement) instead of a mere gift. Inside he curses himself for having the thought at all. Why must he insist on torturing himself so?

You take the thin gold chain from its weak restraints in the display, a gold circle with a border of tiny sapphires around it, in the middle sits a large sapphire hexagon that sits inside a silver Star of David. It hangs from the chain by a teardrop shaped gemstone,  inside the points lay tiny little aquamarine stones. You gulp noisily, wanting to cry but you take in a ragged breath and try to compose yourself. You'd never had anything like this. No heirlooms to wear to signify your heritage, it hadn't even occurred to you yet to do such a thing.

"Here, luv." he says softly, taking it from your hands and opening the clasp. You gulp and nod hurridly, gathering and lifting your hair and turning your back towards him, as he rests the cold amulet on your chest and the touch of his fingertips alone along your spine send waves of heat throughout your body. The feel of his breath on the back of your neck makes you sigh and close your eyes. There had been no man to light you afire in such a way before. You were afraid of what it meant and afraid of losing it and him as it felt to find someone else that could make you feel this way would take another lifetime.

You turn back towards him, pushing back tears and hoping it just read as appreciation. "I hardly have words for it Alfie." you manage to whisper out, looking down at the pendant in your fingers. "It's... breathtaking." you manage to say. "I never even thought of wearing such a thing." you shake your head subtly, raising your eyes back to his. "But you were so very right in choosing it." you give him a small smile.

"Wanted you to have one worthy of you to wear." a subtle shrug of his shoulders. "You deserve more than simple lines of silver or gold. Although there is something beautiful in the simplicity. But nothing about you could ever be simple." his voice is soft and quiet, his brow furrowed slightly in thought as he takes in how it looks so perfect against your skin. Like it was meant to be there, and he was the one meant to put it there. "You've come so far to even know it about yourself, I thought it proper you had a way to let others know without a single word uttered." his mouth hangs open slightly, his hooded eyes pensive.

"And in my favorite stone." you give him a smile that warms him down to his very soul. If he still had one at this point.

"'Course, luv." another charming smile and he wasn't even trying to be.

"I feel thank you isn't enough." you let out a huff of a laugh, uncertain about how to express how you felt. "It means the world to me that you got me this." You move again, and slower than the last time as your wrap your arms around his neck. "I really mean that. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart thank you." you hide the tears as your face is buried in his shoulder, his arms slowly encasing you back.

He can hear the pain in your words, feel the tension in your muscles as you keep a tight hold on him. "You went through hell to know it about yourself, to not hide it. You deserve a reflection of yourself as beautiful as you are." His thoughtfulness makes the tears break free from your eyes. He hears the sniffle before he feels the hot tears fall to his neck. "Oh Genevive, darling." he says in a warm and comforting way. Sweet words so quiet and said into your hair as his arms move protectively around you. A hand moves to the back of your head, the other held fast against you.

"You're right." you whimper, planting a kiss to his cheek before pulling away. "It's the best gift I've ever received."  your fingers hold the pendant as you swallow loudly.

He uses the sleeve of his shirt to wipe away your tears and you let out a little huff of a laugh at the gesture.

"Thank you. For being so thoughtful." you say again.

"No, thank you." your eyes ask him for what. "For reminding me that I am still capable of such a thing." his words feel strained and genuine and it hurts you both to hear them. ----- The Shelby's all file in, from Tommy to the newest of John's babies. Poor Esme looks tired but is wide-eyed at your house as you hold the new baby, taking in the new baby smell before handing it back to her. You greet everyone with hugs and kisses and holiday greetings. You show everyone to their rooms, taking Charlie and placing him on your hip as you settle everyone else in, maids scurrying about and tending to all whims.

You announce when dinner will be, and let the quiet fall across the halls as everyone rests and freshens up. You sit with Charlie in the nursery, talking to him about what he wanted for Christmas until he falls asleep on you, straddling your lap, arms limp at his sides and face planted into your chest. He snoozes away and you stroke his hair, a kiss to his baby soft hair from time to time, humming to him. You end up laying your head back just a bit too long, the boys peaceful snoozes causing you to take an impromptu nap as well.

A deep chuckle wakes you up. You flutter your eyes open, hands moving instinctually to around the boy in your lap.

"Motherhood would suit you Genny." you hear Arthur's voice as you focus in the darkening light of the room. You let out a yawn and Charlie grumbles against your chest.

"I've found myself wondering about it myself." you say after a yawn.

"That so?" he nods with a thoughtful face, like he hadn't expected the answer.

"With the passing of Elizabeth and all this with my family I'm afraid it's forced me to think about it." you say softly, not wanting to wake Charlie.

"I am sorry you're having to go through that Genny..." he says with a frown, a strong hand on your shoulder.

"Thank you sweetheart." you say patting the comforting touch.

"If you're wantin' little ones yaself ya might want to get on that ya know." he lowers his chin at you.

"Don't ruin the sweetness, Arthur." you give him a grin and push his hand off your shoulder.

"I"m just sayin' ya ain't as young as ya used to be, mum had most of us by your age."

"I'm painfully aware of how old I am Arthur." you shake your head and smile with a sigh, Arthur wasn't ever very good with words. You knew he meant well.

"I'd just like to see ya with some babes of ya own is all. You'd make a brilliant mum. Ya fierce, yer kind, no one would dare mess with 'em." he laughs, causing Charlie to stir.

You hold him close and stand, adjusting him as he whines against your chest. "Well if the opportunity arises I suppose I'll have to start considering it now, won't I?" you tilt your head at him and he shrugs.

"I ain't been his biggest fan but...watchin' him with the kids out there this evenin' I'm not entirely against Solomons as a suitor for such a thing. I know ya ain't exactly...traditional in yer ways Genny. I 'spose if you like 'im I gotta get used to the idea of 'im not being such a fucker as I've known him to be before." he shrugs, trying to be supportive and helpful with the suggestion but having someone else say it out loud, to know he's out there playing with children makes your chest hurt just a bit.

"Linda let you talk like that around Billy?" you smirk, avoiding the subject.

"Aw, fuck. Aw, hell. Aw...damn." he curses, trying to find a substituted word for his cursing as you snort and cover Charlie's ear as his other is against your body as you laugh and he follows you out of the room. ----- The next day is Christmas Eve,  the children have been shaking the boxes under the tree, the older ones telling the younger ones which were and weren't theirs as the younger ones can't read and just want to guess what's in the ones meant for them.

You've been very busy and distracted between children running around the house and trying to do some of the cooking yourself. You wore your hair half up, you wore no makeup and a simple dress, the Shelby brothers looked at you differently, not really seeing you dressed down in such a way before. The women seemed to count you amongst their own, even Linda as she kept complimenting your modest dress, cooking and your clear affection for the children.

You've been in the kitchen, and you follow one of John's girls, two fists full of ribbon running into Alfie's study.

"I got more!" she shouts, feet carrying her as fast as they can as she rushes into the room.

"He's so much hairier than daddy!" you hear the younger of the two girls say and you narrow your eyes in thought as to what they were doing.

"I got a lot 'a bows!"

"He's wike a bear!" the young one giggles as you peek around the corner.

You see Alfie, lying on the couch lengthwise, feet crossed with a book in his hands, looking surprisingly unbothered for what the girls were doing to him.

"Gimmie da bwush!" the little one demands, taking it roughly to his beard, the oldest tugging his hair and putting bows in unorganized tufts.

"Eh, take it easy there little one." he laughs as he's smacked in the face with one of your hair brushes.

"Sowwy." she mumbles, holding his cheek in her little hand, tongue stuck out in concentration as she brushes his face in a much more gentle way.

"You're not doing it right." the older on says. "Switch." she demands, snagging the brush and putting it directly on his beard as the other fumbles with trying to tie another bow in his hair but her little sausage fingers just can't manage it. "Like 'is!" the one announces while she separates and ties a bow in his beard.

You can't contain the smile on your face, and your laugh is only held in as you have your hand tightly over your mouth. You'd never seen Alfie around children and the way he was letting them manhandle him was beyond hilarious. He's wearing an indifferent face, eyebrow arched as he tries to continue reading as the girls smack away at him, asking him questions as he grunts and nods and speaks to them very lovingly.

Aggie calls for afternoon tea from the main hall. The girl's heads turn towards the door, seeing you standing there.

"CAKE!" they both yell and starting tugging on Alfie's shirt.

"Yes, yes...Cake girls. There will be cake." he says with a laugh as he looks up to see you watching you watching him and he raises to a sitting position.

"You've never looked more handsome." you say with a huge smile and a hand to your chest. It would seem in jest, but it's the honest truth. Something about a good looking man letting a little girl dress him up and being so sweet to them warmed you down to your bones.

"Yay!" the older one says, fluffing his beard.

"Ya comin' girls?" you hear John come up behind you before he bends over in a laugh.

"We made da bear pwetty daddy!" the little one says hugging Alfie's neck.

"Ya look great, Solomons, I gotta say." he snorts and elbows you. You give an encouraging nod.

"Feelin' beautiful Johnny boy," he says with an equally amused face and tone. "C'mon then treacle," he says as the girl hangs from his neck, scooping her up and she continues to pet his hair. He did have much more hair than John, so it was understandable they'd want to mess around with it. "I got this little monkey." he says, giving the go-ahead to John to take the older one's hand and walk to the dining room.

Seeing the way your face was lit up, your beaming smile at him made his chest feel heavy and warm. "Never expected to see this." you shake your head and walk beside him down the hall.

"I got little nieces, yeah?" he says as an excuse. "And I just got back from having them assault me over the holidays so I'm just lettin' the little buggers have their fun." he smiles at the girl who isn't paying attention and tugging on a bow on the top of his head. He sets her down in the doorway, turning to you before he enters the room. "Little help, luv?" he asks with a charming smile.

You happily oblige him and start to untie the knotted ribbons. "Do you..." you almost hesitate to ask. "Like children?" you try to remain indifferent in expression and tone but you think your voice stuttering gives you away as you notice him look towards your face.

"I don't mind 'em. Pain's in the arse but...they're honesty is endearing." he shrugs.

"I find them to be beyond charming."

"So you..." he pauses in the same way you did. Both not asking what you meant. "Like children?"

"I love children." you say wistfully and sigh, moving to the bows in his beard.

He nods in response. You feel his eyes looking over your face and part of you hopes he's thinking the same thing you are and the other half wants to run away screaming at the insinuation.

Tommy leaves the doorway,  parting the two of you "Gotta go get Charlie from a nap."  he grunts.

"Don't be silly, I'll get him. He's so precious when he's sleepy." you say with honesty that Alfie notices. You were such a fierce and career driven woman he'd never stopped to consider that you might want children for yourself, or a family more like the Shelby's. Preferably with less betrayal and chaos but he stops and considers it for a moment as he sees the kind look in your eyes when speaking of your godson.

He misses the days of sleeping with you with no thought to the future. It'd been so simple. Now with more secrets known to him, more sides of you that you were exploring and showing willingly, the thoughts of a future with you had hit him hard, fast and frequently. Especially watching you with the children the past few days and coming back from time with his own family. He pushes it down and swallows it as he turns to enter the room of babbling Shelby's

"He's so good with the children isn't he?" Aggie whispers as she walks arm in arm with you to the nursery.

"He is. Surprisingly so." you nod and she sees a sadness in your eyes she doesn't understand.

"I've seen you watching him with them." she nudges you with her elbow and you give her a weak smile. "Lucky for you that there are so many clocks around." she says as you give her a puzzled look.

"Are you okay?" you huff out a laugh. "What on earth are you talking about?"

"Because they cover the sound of your biological clock ticking so loudly." she smirks.

"Oh fuck off Ag's." you say with a louder laugh. ----- He can't escape the thoughts of you he's been running from over the next day, he hears our laugh, see's you running after children during the day and drunk adults at night and he's enchanted.

He sits in his study, as to not seem like he's a part of what's going on in the house, but the seat he takes gives him a clear shot down the hallway to the nursery and you come and go all the time.

"Papa said we're going to the zoo in the spring!" he hears a little boy's voice echo down the hallway.

"My goodness! I love the zoo! Have you ever been?"

"NO!" he shouts as if he's offended by the fact.

"What's your favorite animal you'll be going to see?"

He sees you walk into frame, holding the boy's hand as he jauntily walks, a smaller child on your hip, drooling and fast asleep.

The boy roars loudly, letting go of your hand and putting up his fingers like claws. You dramatically jump back, hand to your chest and declare that there's a lion in the house and you call for help before laughing and clutching the baby to your chest and running into the nursery, the little boy growling and chasing after you. You would make a spectacular mum. ---- He's sat back with a glass of wine in the corner of the family room, the women except for you have gone to bed and the men up drinking and gabbing.

Esme appears in the doorway with the newest baby crying. "John, for fuck's sake, help me out with this one," she says in a drawn-out way. "I've fed her, changed her everything she just won't hush and I'm so bloody tired." she yawns.

"Mind if I have a go?" you ask, your dress makes you look as if you floated towards her.

""ave at it." John says with a shrug.

"Maybe she can tell mumma's at the end of her rope." you say with a smile, taking the baby from Esme. "You go get some rest, I'll deal with her." you pay her back and she drags herself out of sight. "Say goodnight to daddy." you coo and wave the babies hand to John. "And to uncle Tommy and uncle Arthur." you say with a laugh and a smile as the baby's red and angry face makes indistinguishable noises as it looks slightly confused at the new happy tone that's being used around it. "And to grumpy 'ol Alf." You laugh. "Who you resemble right now I must say." you snort and smile at him, waving the tiny hand still. He rolls his eyes, a wave, and a nod as he watches you leave, bouncing and cooing the unhappy child.

When he looks back to the rest of the men, they're all looking at him.

"Fuckin' what?" he says with an exaggerated expression of confusion.

"Fuckin' Genny that's what." Arthur says with an amused grunt.

"What about her?" he says defensively.

"Ya gonna tell me that watchin' her bein' all motherly with these babes these last days ain't stirrin' somethin' in ya?" he says with raised brows.

Tommy laughs into his glass and Alfie narrows his eyes.

"If you won't admit it I sure as fuck will." John laughs. "Certainly got the tits already dunnit she?" he snorts.

"I'm just drunk enough to agree." Arthur says with a loud laugh. They both look to Tommy.

"I'm not a part of this conversation." he says with raised brows and closed eyes, shaking his head and lighting a cigarette.

"You and me...we've had our bad blood but if Genny likes ya..." Arthur shrugs and takes another drink. "I 'spose I'll have to get used to ya, eh?"

"I think you all have a gross misunderstanding of Gen and I's relationship." Alfie with a frown that isn't angry.

"Do we?" John smirks. "I don't know no man, yeah? That could watch that pretty little thing chasin' after these babes and not want to put one in 'er." he holds his hands up in the air in enthusiasm.

"You'd send half of fuckin' London up the duff if you could John." Tommy says snarkily.

John and shrugs and takes another drink, sitting back in his seat. "They're wild when they're pregnant." he grins.

"Maybe it's 'cause I've 'ad one now, but I can certainly see she should be a mum. Make a proper woman out of her. I know she wants some babes of her own...and your the only man she's been with so I'm just sayin'...happy accidents." he gruffs out.

Hearing that you'd confided in Arthur that you indeed wanted children was the cause of his deep intake of breath but he'd play it off like it was an annoyance. "I ain't the kinda man who likes accidents." he says with pursed lips.

"So there's in a plan in place, eh?" Tommy smirks and his shoulders shake just once with laughter.

He's never been more relieved to see a pair of children as one of John's middle children come in holding Charlie's hand.

"He woke up and said he wanted auntie Genny but I can't find her." the older boy says with a yawn as he rubs his eyes.

"Fuckin' 'ell." Alfie grumbles quietly. "I'll take ya. I'm going to bed anyway." he volunteers.

"Thanks, mate." John says with a nod.

"Already a proper papa he is!" Arthur says waving his glass in his direction.

"C'mon lets go find auntie Genny." he says taking the boys hands in his. ---- You've gotten the baby to quiet by letting it suckle on your finger, you're still singing away softly, the older children in the other room fast asleep. You're looking at the tiny little potato of a babe in your arms, swaddled up and chubby-cheeked. You hold it's head under your nose and feel the softness of its skin and hair, taking in that new baby smell while you had the chance. Why did your hormones have to be so aggressive, you thought with a frown. You go back to humming and bouncing the baby, looking out the window into the tree line, trying to not think about your future.

"Quiet now, little ones are sleepin'." you hear Alfie's hushed voice as you see him carrying Charlie in his arms and guiding the older child back into the room by its hand. "Your little boy here woke up and started askin' for his Genny." he says with a half smile.

"What is it my love?" you say, moving the baby to one arm and reaching out and stroking the boys hair as Alfie held him. Alfie's eyes held steady on you and your movements.

"Bad dream." he mumbles, rubbing his face.

"Daddy not very good at helping with the bad dreams?" you say with a smile, knowing Tommy's strong suit wasn't telling someone, even Charlie that everything was perfectly fine and it always would be. Which is what he wanted to hear. He murmurs and shakes his head and it makes Alfie smile. "You need me to put you back to bed darling?"

"Pwease." he quietly asks. He could swear the words almost put tears in your eyes.

"Alright my little prince, come to your Genny now." you say as he brings his hands around your neck and you manage to hold him with one arm.

"Ya got him?"

"Don't have much of a choice." you smirk. "I'll be right back." you say with a wink.

Alfie's left with the other child, he looks down at the sleepy boy. "Time for you to go back to bed then." he says with a nod.

"Can I sleep in here?" he asks pointing to a small bed. "My sisters in here, I sleep next to her at home."

"Ah, gotta look out for little sis eh?" he says as he walks him over the bed and grabs a blanket and a stuffed animal on his way back. "You like sleepin' with 'ese?" he asks, wiggling a stuffed bear at him.

He nods and grunts, taking it to his chest. Alfie tucks him in and starts to rise.

"Could you read to me?" he asks with big blinking eyes.

"Ah, 'hell." he whispers, finding himself bending willingly to the polite boy's wishes. "Alright lad." he says moving to the shelf. He sits on the edge of the tiny bed and starts to read him a story about a dog.

You've put Charlie back down, a plush horse he'd gotten for Christmas bribing him to be a big boy and go back to sleep.  You walk in with a fussy baby, and see Alfie reading to the boy and your heart flutters.

He gives you a nod as he continues reading and you move to beside the crib and bounce and hum quietly. His voice is so soft and gentle, kind and caring, all the things you'd want a father to sound like while reading his child to sleep. You get caught up in your emotions. You shut your eyes and hold the baby close, letting it hear your heartbeat. You turn your back to him, after watching him animatedly but quietly tell the story was just a bit too much for your weak heart to handle. Maybe you'd had too much wine, maybe you were more tired than you thought, but instead of warm feelings, the hurt started to ache in your stomach. Elizabeth would've been doing much the same you were right now if she'd lived. Perhaps even you could've been doing this with your own children if you'd done things a bit differently, but you push that thought aside as you know it's useless.

You're left with your thoughts of the now, and the huge questions that loomed in your future. Why were you getting so damned upset? Did you really even want to marry Alfie? It seemed like such a ridiculous notion to you. You...married. You almost scoff aloud at it. And to have children? With him? Even more asinine.

But a little voice comes forward in your head. Why is that so crazy to want? What made you think you didn't deserve to expect those things out of life? You're hit with anger as you realize your father keeps haunting your thoughts even when you don't realize it. Just because you'd left and refused all your suitors, citing you'd never give him want he wanted from you, a married and obedient daughter and grandchildren to carry on his line. But it wasn't about him now, was it? It was your life, your decisions and you clearly had some big ones to make for yourself. You weren't old by any stretch, but you weren't getting any younger either. You knew you should be primed for marriage and children, having built a business for yourself, taken care of yourself and your money. But was the next chapter really this close? And was it really marriage and children? There was so much left that you wanted to do, and could you do those things if you had children? You'd thought romance dead until Alfie snuck his way into your heart and mind. You would've proudly proclaimed it from the rooftops that it was decaying and buried in a moor somewhere to never be heard from again. But it seemed Solomons had done the unthinkable and raised the dead for you. You don't know why you felt so foolish for wanting romance in your life. Perhaps it was because you'd thought it a childish notion, a girlish fantasy that could never live up to reality so you'd shunned it entirely after finding that everyone always let you down in that department.

He's finished the story, the boy now asleep as his eyes turn to you. You're swaying back and forth, humming with eyes shut, giving little pecks of kisses to the baby that rests on your chest. It's little hands grasp at your breasts and smack as it fuss's and you remain perfectly poised and patient. You do look a bit tired, your shoulders low, more than a few strands of hair had fallen, but he doesn't know if you've ever looked more lovely. It could be the way the moonlight hits you, the troubled but stoic expression looking like a statue of Madonna and child. He knew the Shelby brothers were right. If you wanted to be a mum, you more than deserved it. You looked born for the role as he watched you with a baby small enough to let him have the outlandish thought that it could've been yours.

You're so caught up in your own thoughts you don't notice that Alfie's stopped reading, the boy fast asleep and is now shushing another young one in the crib next to you. You wipe a tear that had gotten loose and realize the baby in your arms in asleep. You watch him coo and whisper, lips pouted as he speaks softly and rubs the baby's cheek with a thumb that looks so gigantic next to the wee babe's head. He hums quietly as it smacks its lips and gurgles, he lets out a soft amused laugh, smiling down at it. The way the moon came through the windows, the blue light reflecting off the snow outside, the warm feelings from being surrounded by your what felt like, extended family, everything hits you so hard and so fast. You can't stop the tightness in your jaw or the tears in your eyes. You realize you do want to look at someone doing exactly what he is but have it be all yours. The man doing it, the baby sleeping. Perhaps you can even imagine the glint of a wedding band on your finger as you wipe away a tear. You never thought admitting that you truly wanted such a thing for yourself would hurt so damn much.

His smile fades quickly as he turns his head when he hears you let out a sniffle. "Genevieve, darling, what's wrong?" he whispers, eyes wide and honest, finding yours the opposite. His warm hand brushes a strand of hair out of your face, those rough padded fingertips wiping away the tears that come.

"Can-." you gulp noisily and grit your teeth. "Can you take her?" you choke out, not meeting his eyes. You move closer to him, holding the baby by the head and bum. When he does nothing but look at you as if you were speaking a language he didn't understand you finally look into your eyes and all he can register is pain and question. "Please?" you say with a furrowed brow.

He nods silently, eyes darting over your face for answers as you move your sleeve to wipe away more tears and move quickly out of the room, your body language reading like that of a scolded dogs, leaving with low shoulders and your tail tucked between your legs.

He watches you leave, holding the baby close, mouth open and the heat of confusion in his face, the sting of uncomfortable tears comes after he lays the baby down, standing in the middle of the room, eyes moving to nothing in particular as he wrings his hands. This was his fault, wasn't it? He fights the tears, he feels his eyes burn and turn red. He grits his jaw and squeezes his eyes shut tightly. He clears his throat and takes a deep breath and tries to not feel all the guilt that's washing over him in heavy, suffocating waves. ---- It's the night before the Shelby's are going to leave. You're tired and doing one last round of the halls before going to your room. You're crossing the entryway, passing through the beams of moonlight that are coming through the window in the top of the domed ceiling under the stairs, strips coming from the tall windows around the front door.

You hear the family sound of Alfie clearing his throat as you stop in a shadow and don't turn right away. You hadn't talked about you crying and leaving, of course, and it was all building up and hurting you inside.

"Geneveive." he says your name as the sound beckons you to turn slowly to face him.

You say nothing but blink rapidly before meeting his eyes. He walks into a beam of moonlight, his face cast partially in shadow as it tilts to reveal an expression that's warm and not confrontational and the tension in your body lessens.

"There's one tradition I've always liked about Christmas, ya know." he says with narrowed eyes that read as playful now. You walk towards him slowly, passing in and out of the light.

"What would that be?" you ask standing away from him still. He points up, and your eyes move to obey the directional instruction and you see mistletoe hanging from the chandelier. You let out an involuntary soft laugh that he's never been gladder to hear. You both knew this was just a thinly veiled excuse to do what both of you wanted, but for some reason unknown to you, couldn't.

His eyes are softer when yours return to his. He extends his hand out to you and you stare at it for a few seconds before moving towards him against your better judgment. He feels so warm as soon as your skin touches his. He puts your hand, fingers laced with his against his chest to pull you as close to him as he can. You almost felt ashamed with the thoughtless compulsion that drew you towards him. You'd had too many deep thoughts the past few days, too many emotions and hormones mixing in a dangerous cocktail that made you willing to turn into something desperate and pliable under his strong hands.

Neither of you speak, only each others breathing being spoken. His other hand moving to the side of your face and he's as gentle with you as he had been with the baby in the nursery. You look at each other for a few heavy moments, eyes blinking and moving across the others face as if you might've forgotten what they look like as they mist over and glance at lips and pained expressions.

Without a word, he kisses you. And you welcome it. He leads you gently to him, a kiss of the same nature. He feels your body melt at his touch, your chest pushing against his. You don't pull away or stop him, your lips giving way to what his wanted as they keep moving slowly against yours. You feel his chest rise, putting the hand he held up around his neck as he lets his arm wrap around your lower back and pulls him tightly towards you with both arms. He let's go of your face and a splayed hand rests between your shoulder blades. The kiss goes on longer than either of you intended, but wasn't that always the case when you would give in and let yourself show what you truly wanted with things besides words?

It's not rushed, it doesn't hurt either of you as you expected it to, it just felt so satisfying. He could feel your pulse and knew your skin must've felt as sensitive and set aflame as his own. It was hard to want to stop, but he knew it couldn't go on forever, so instead, he rests his hand on the back of your head and dips you, your foot popping out as you smile and laugh into his mouth. He kisses your cheek as he lifts you back up, one hand rested on your hip.

You stand with your hands on his chest a moment, feeling his heartbeat, the rise, and fall of his chest, the hum of his breathing you longed to fall asleep to. You look up to him and find he's already studying you. He's so thankful to find your face now happier than when he found it. He hated having this power over you now, something he'd longed for for so long. You shouldn't let a man like him influence your emotions, you were better than that.

"I find myself rather fond of the tradition as well." you give him a sweet smile that warms him to his bones. You open your mouth and close it, not knowing what to say. There was no reason to be demanding, or ask for more.  "Goodnight 'Fie." you whisper. It was the first he'd heard the pet name in weeks. Thankful you'd broken the silence with the heavenly sound as you pull away from him.

"It is, my luv, it is." he says with a small shake of his head, fingers laced and not letting go as you pulled and turned, staying clasped together as long as they could until they broke apart and you turn to walk to your room.

Pt. 50 Make Up Your Mind

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[guillotinedangel]

Can I request a LotorxReader, fluff scenario where the reader is betrothed to lotor and she genuinely loves him but he thinks she's just using him for his status until she fought beside him during a battle and he saw how beautiful and how he was actually denying himself of liking her, please ? I know this is very detailed but I'm bad at writing and I love reading your stories ❤️

Hi sweetie! So, it was really fun to write this one because I personally love a good demonstration of how badass a character is, especially if their s/o is right there to be amazed by their skills hahaha anyway, the only thing I am not entirely sure is if I got the fluffy part right, but you can leave me another anon message with your opinion of it. This said, enjoy!~Chimera.

Ship: Lotor x fem!reader.Scene: Lotor doubts his fiancée real interests until she fights alongside him.Warnings: Mature language, violent scenes.Edited and corrected by: @portrait-ninja

“You havegot to be kidding.” Pidge snapped, “There’s no way I am helpingLotor become Emperor!”

Lotorraised an eyebrow in disbelief; looking away he tried not to show howhurt he was by the human girl’s words. He had helped the paladins and killedhis own father, Zarkon, freeing the universe from his reign; accomplishinga goal that legend said could only be achieved by Voltron. But nothing hadseemed to change; everybody kept looking at him like if he was only aminiature version of his father. Speaking to him with no respect and openlymanifesting their hatred for him. And what was worse, now nobody wanted to payhim back.

Standing byhis side, you frowned and crossed your arms over your chest, pissedby your best friend’s words. Pidge couldn’t be serious, after everything thatLotor had done!

“ForGod’s sake, Pidge, your father is safe and sound thanks to him.”

“Youthink I care? I am not helping him get on the throne.”

Youlooked around for support from anybody else but no one seemed ready to offerit.

“You’re allbeing so quiznaking selfish! Lotor helped us defeat our biggest enemy! It’sthanks to him that the universe is safe, you can’t deny it!”

“Y/N”Allura said, placing her hand in your shoulder. “You are not being objectivehere. You love him, you -”

Butyou didn’t let her finish. You shook free from her grip and took afew steps back, getting closer to Lotor.

“He’semperor of the Galra Empire. At least he has a kingdom to rule,unlike you.” You said bitterly to the princess.

Everyone fellsilent and Lotor looked at you knowing you had stepped over the line.He loved you and appreciated the support but still there wassomething he didn’t quite understand. Since he had defeated his father andasked you to marry him –which had happened pretty much all at once-you had been insanely obsessed with him claiming his right over the galranthrone. Almost to the point where Lotor was starting todoubt if you really loved him for who he was rather thanwhat hehad been born into. He hated himself for even thinking that butyour actions where starting to speak for themselves.

“It’sokay, Y/N, you can’t change their minds…” he said reaching out foryou, but the look in your eyes made him stop.

“Theyare your people, Lotor. You are the only legitimate heir. The throne is yourbirthright. If you don’t claim it someone else will, and if they arehostile to Voltron,we will be right back where we started. Can’t any of you seethat?”

Everyoneexchanged a meaningful look.

“Well,”Shiro began, “She kinda has a point there, better the devil you know…”

“No!”Pidge’s cheeks turned red out of pure anger, “We are not helping him!”

“Finethen!” you shouted, “I hope you don’t treat all your allies like this becausesoon enough you won’t have any!”

Youstormed out of the room with your words hanging in the air.

//

“Y/N”

Thefamiliar voice of the prince called to you from across thehall, but you kept walking; ignoring him. You were pissed with your friends fornot seeing sense, pissed with Lotor for letting the throne slip from betweenhis fingers.

Abreeze fluttered your hair and the tall body of your half-galranhalf-altean fiancée made you stop short. You loved how he towered above you andhow strong he was. The purplish color of his skin, the yellow of hisferal eyes, the ivory of his hair… but when it came to times like this it allmade him look pretty terrifying.

“What?”you hissed.

“Youcan’t keep doing this. I appreciate the support you provide, but if that isgoing to make you lose your friends or the trust they have placed inyou... You are a bigger part of team Voltron than I am. Becoming Emperor wouldmean you becoming Empress. Would they be okay with that?”

“Youthink I care?” your eyes sparkled with anger. Just as Lotor feared, you werewilling to risk everything for the throne but was it for him or forpower? “They don’t get it, fear is clouding their judgment, but I cansee.”

“Noyou can’t!” Lotor snapped. You frowned and took a little step back, “If fear iswhat clouds their minds then the promise of power is clouding yours!”

“Excuseme?”

“Yes,I’m not stupid, Y/N, I’m 10,000 years old, do you think a youngling likeyou can fool me? You have been obsessed with me taking the throne ever since Ikilled my father, ever since I proposed you.”

“Lotorwhat the hell are you saying?”

Fearstarted crawling up your chest, replacing the anger until it vanished completelyand only sole anguish took control of your heart. Was Lotor saying that he hasdoubts about your feelings for him? Was he for quiznaking real?

“WellI’m saying that our engagement is over and that I’m leaving this place. I don’twant to be around you anymore.”

“What?”the word came out of your lips, barely a whisper. Did he just end things betweenthe two of you?

Youopened your mouth to say something else, but the words died in yourthroat as emotions whirled in your chest. Maybe Pidge was rightall this time. You shouldn’t have put your trust Lotor. Hewasn’t capable of love. Your whole relationship had been an excuse for himto accomplish what he wanted and now that he had it… he was getting rid of thedead weight. Of you.

“I’msorry,” the prince said, trying to hold back tears. He never feltmore heartbroken in his whole life, not even when his father treatedhim like trash… no. You had been his pillar, his reason to keep fighting andnow… well. Now he had seen why he had built up those huge walls around hisheart in the first place.

And so,he left.

//

Ithad been weeks since Lotor had left the castle and went only god-knows-where.Since your fight you had barely left your room. Shiro was the only one you allowedto come and go, because he had tried to stand up for Lotor during thediscussion you had on the bridge. Everybody else tried to talk to you when theyfound out, but you didn’t allow them to come in. They were just feelingguilty about your breakup, nothing more. They didn’t care and youknew that. At some point,everyone felt better with the situation theway it was now with Lotor gone. Plus, you didn’t need Pidge or Alluratelling you that they had warned you about him.

“Youfeeling any better?” Shiro asked, entering the room with a hot plate ofsomething that didn’t look like the goo you usually ate. You immediately knewthat was probably Hunk trying to make you feel better indirectly.

“No.”you mumbled, turning around in bed to face the paladin, “How could I?”

Shirofrowned and left the plate on the empty desk. He took a seat on theedge of your bed.

“Youstill love each other and I bet that’s the reason why he did it.”

“Istill love him I’m sure of that but… He seemed to mean it.”

“Y/N,please. A few weeks ago you were standing up for him on the bridgeand he was trying to calm you down. Look, I may be inexperienced inthis field, but I’m not blind.”

“Well…”you took a deep breath “Now he’s gone so… There’s nothing leftfor me to do.”

“Maybethere is.” Shiro started playing with his fingers, nervous.

“Whatis it, Shirogane? Spit it out.”

Shiro fell silentfor a moment.

“Um,maybe you and I can take the Black Lion and go help him.”

“Withwhat? We don’t even know where he is…”

Shiroscratched his nape and you stood up in bed.

“Shiro.” Yousaid warningly.

“Okay,okay. He’s gone to claim the throne. The Galra are holdinga celebration ceremony and…”

“Andwe are still here!?” you snapped, jumping out of bed and running to yourwardrobe to get your armor, “Move your ass, Shirogane! They’re gonna cut himto pieces if he shows up alone and with no backup!”

//

Asthe Black Lion appeared in the sky all the Galra reunited for theKral Zera ceremony taking place turned around surprised, Lotor included,who had just arrived. His first thought was that the paladins haddecided to break their word and not let him take the throne. What hedidn’t expect was seeing you climb out of the lion, walking like youowned the place, with the black paladin at your back and in your full royalGarla armor.

Hehad given it to you saying “His Empress should have an armor worthyof her” and, even though you didn’t tower over the glara, Lotor could feelhow everyone exchanged concerned glances, While you were askilled warrior and an ally of Voltron everyone knew that messingwith you did not only guarantee your wrath, but Lotor’s as well.

“Whatare you doing here?” he asked, approaching you with a smile on his face. He hadto admit he had been feeling lost and lonely all these weeks,without your touch and that look in your eyes. He had been feelingempty without your smile and the scent of your hair.

“I’mtrying to save your ass, my prince.” you said, raising an eyebrow lecturinghim, “You are really brave coming here alone, but I thought you could use somehelp. Prince Lotor has the protection of Voltron” you continued, raising yourvoice so everybody could hear you, “if any of you dares to challenge him, theywill have to fight me as well and, if you come up victorious, the paladins willtake revenge. So, that said, does anyone want to stepforward? Does anybody want to lose their life to sit on a throne thatdoesn’t belong to them?”

As yourgaze roamed over the crowd, you were able to see Lotor’s former generals. Theirmurderous gazes where settled on you, but they didn’t dare say a word and evenless, confront any of you.

“Youheard my beloved princess, does anyone wish to challenge us?”

“Your beloved princess,as you call her, is not even galran, and neither are you.” A voice spoke fromthe crowd. The voice was revealed to belong to CommanderSendak, speaking with a repulsed look on his face, “So, as you are notworthy, I challenge you, but only you. I am not fighting that human scum.”

“Youscared?” you asked defiant, taking a step forward, but Lotor grabbed your armbefore you could say something else.

“IfI win, she will be the Galra’s future Empress therefore, I demand you takeback what you just said about her.”

Sendaklaughed and the weapon that replaced his lost arm, shone in a bright purplelight.

“Well,as you desire, prince. Your little bitch will die with you today.”

Ashe said that, his cybernetic arm was shooting right towards you, butLotor stopped it with his sword before it could reach you. Jumping towardsSendak he started a very heated fight between the two of them.

“Y/N!”Shiro called out to you. As you turned around, he threw his bayard at you,which, for some reason immediately shaped into a sword, “Use it well, and bringit back to me!”

Younodded and turned your face back to the fight, just in time to see Sendak throw apunch at Lotor, grazing less than an inch away from his face. Clenchingyour teeth with rage and remembering Sendak breaking into the castle andalmost killing all of you, you ran directly to him, tackling theGalra commander. He was at least two feet taller than you and you hit haddestabilized him, before he could regain his footing you swung your sword athim.

Theattack caught him by surprise and he was not able to get away in time. The edgeof the bayard scratched his face and down his armor, leaving an open andbleeding wound on one of his cheeks.

Lotorlooked at you wide eyed and the Garla watching the scene held theirbreath at the sight.

Didyou, a weak and tiny earthling, just managed to hurt one oftheir best commanders?

“Whowere you calling human scum, kitten?” you mocked him.

Sendakwiped the blood off his face and let out a warning growl. He had beenhumiliated by that quiznaking human bitch.

“Iam going to make myself new armor from your bones!” he screamed,charging back at you but, being smaller and lighter than him, it was easy foryou to use his huge body to avoid his attack successfully.

“You’re reallygonna need more than my bones for that.” You said playfully, swinging your sword,“I’m tiny compared to you.”

Withrage pounding through his veins, Sendak threw his hand at you, but Lotor got inthe way as he did before and repelled the attack.

“IfI were you,” he said panting, “I’d keep my mouth shut.”

“Oh,baby” Sendak moved again and you rolled down to one side as Lotor jumped to theother, avoiding being caught in the hole your foe just created in the groundwere you had stood, “You’re taking all the fun away!”

Yousmiled at each other and started attacking Sendak from different sides, drivinghim mad. You two were playing with him, in front of the Galra Empire.Even if he did manage to kill you in the end, the stories of this fightwouldn’t go away any time soon, and he was already starting to feel tired.He needed to put an end to this, now.

Avoidinganother of Lotor’s attacks, Sendak turned around to face you, and a wide smileappeared in his face, allowing you to see his fangs. All he had to do was takea good shot at you. Kill the prince’s lover. It would drive him mad, he wouldcommit a mistake and the throne was his. It was so simple.

“Tolove is to die, prince!” He said before charging towards you.

Thiswasn’t like the other times. He was starting to get a grip on your moves.He managed to graze you a few times, even though Lotor was trying tokeep him away from you, failing amazingly, to be honest. Sendak seemed reallyfocused on you and, as his attacks grew stronger and faster yourbody started to feel theeffects of the battle.

Eachhit from his metal arm was like agony. He had been trained all his lifefor this, but you? Hell, you only had a few classes with the paladins and someintensetraining with Lotor that usually ended romantically. You werein a good shape of course, and you were and amazing warrior but that wasn’tenough to face an eight-foot tall built and crazy purple alien with adeadly mechanical arm. Not to mention he probably had hundredsof years of intense military and combat training.

Soeventually your tired muscles made you flinch, and Sendak gotyou, slashing his claws all across your face.

Youscreamed in pain and you started taking steps back, blinded by the blood thatwas bathing your face. Trying to get away from Sendak you reached the Kral Zerastairs and tripped, falling backwards and dropping the bayard from your hands.You were exposed, and experiencing terrible agony. You weren’t sureif your foe’s claws did get your eyes because the pain was so excruciatingthat it went all throughout your head and down your neck.The only thing that you could actually hear was Shiro shouting yourname across the square and then Lotor, screaming before hearing the clashing ofmetal against metal again.

Aftera while you were able to open your eyes. You seemed to see just fine, eventhough the blood kept getting in your eyes, tinting everything red.The painwouldn’t go away, but you had to help Lotor. You knew he wasusually calm while fighting and that was what made him win. With all that rageinside he would only get himself hurt.

“Fuckingrabid pussycat.”

Bathedin your own blood and feeling the dizziness that usually came with excessiveblood loss, you reached for the black bayard and, taking a deep breath chargedSendak.

Theblade pierced right through his lower back and exiting through his lowerabdomen, making the commander growl in pain. As he turned around hehit you hard enough to send you flying back to the stairs, losing yourbreath when your ribs made contact with the cold and hard ground.

Realizingwhat had just happened all of the Galra fell silent and Lotor took afew steps back, wanting to get to you but, at the same time, not being sure ofSendak’s defeat. Did you just kill the commander? By yourself?

Theanswer came as Sendak fell to his knees panting in pain and, immediatelyafter he fell on his face. Dead.

“He isdead.”

“Thehuman girl has killed Sendak.”

“She did it.”

Seeing that hisfoe was defeated, Lotor dropped his sword and ran to you.

You let outa moan of pain as he cradled you in his arms. Even through all the agony youmanaged to smile at him.

“We didit” you mumbled.

“You did it,which was just incredible.”

Youchuckled, but the pain tore through you again, making you close youreyes tightly.

“It’sokay,” Lotor said, “don’t talk now. I… want to apologize. I was feeling soinsecure; I should have never said those awful things, my love. Now Isee, you are willing to do anything for me as I would for you. Willyou be able to forgive me?”

“Ilove you, Lotor, that’s the only thing that matters.” You took a breath torecover your strength, “I have to apologize too. I was being so stupid aboutthe Emperor thing… acting like a brat with my friends.”

“Shh now,you were right about everything.” The prince stroked your hair,stained with blood. He wanted to cry, seeing you so hurt because ofhim, with Sendak’s claws marks across your face leaving you branded forever.

“Lightthat flame. Go claim your throne” you said under your breath, grabbing Lotor’snape to bring him down to you to kiss him.

“Ourthrone.” He corrected you, as you two broke apart.

“Vrepitsa, my Emperor.”

“Vrepitsa, my Empress.”

 -Chimera.