#I need to recharge and get away for awhile

[vispera-sabbath]

Hiatus

I'm taking a short break from here. Wishing all my mutuals a plentiful and cool and safe summer. ✌🏼 Until next time.

- Chels.

[theartofwoompwoomps]

Why me

ES Soundwave x human!reader

Summary: Ravage brings him a human to console him after the other cassettes left. (I haven’t watched earthspark lol)

———————————————————————

This had been going for awhile now. 

Soundwave would ask him to wait a bit outside, then when allowed back in the whole room was turned upside down.

His boss never told him directly, but he didn’t need to for him to understand.

The cassettes leaving had a great impact in them. He could sense it. Especially whenever he’d lay next to him, Soundwave would caress him more affectionately. Almost as if he were afraid of losing him too.

He didn’t like seeing his boss like this. Nor was he used to it. At first, he was patient with him, understanding that Megatron’s betrayal and his cassettes leaving had wounded him deeply.

But,… it was starting to get overbearing. 

His attention was always on him, if he needed anything, did something, or was with others.

But, He didn’t want to hurt him. So talking about it was out of the question. His boss’s state of mind wouldn’t take it the right way. That’s why he made sure to keep these thoughts deep away from him. Only allowing worry to be detectable.

~~~~~

Soundwave had a mission recently without him, and it was the perfect opportunity to execute his plan. Shockwave helped him as well. 

He went down to the fleshy creatures land, where news wasn’t too popular, and where nature was abundant. Looking for someone who would need his bosses help.

Walking deeper through the woods, the fog kept blocking his eyesight, but he needed to get this human before soundwave got back.

Searching more frantically, rushing around, scaring many creatures in the process. He halted at what was in front of him.

A human.

They were on the ground. Not moving. No sound from them.

Creeping up to them he kneeled his head closer to listen, practically on top of their small chest, he finally heard it. A small pulse.

Taking you with the things you had in hand, he hurried back. Unaware of the dangers you had faced.

~~~~~~

Shockwave was displeased to see the state the human was in currently. Especially since they weren’t the most qualified for human care. But they did try their best at preparing a cube just for you.

It had some basic necessities, like a small bathroom, a mattress with a blanket, and a vending machine. Ravage hoped it’d be enough for now. 

He did feel a bit bad for taking you, but this was necessary. Glancing your way to see how you were, he saw that your state hadn’t changed. You were still unconscious. 

Feeling unease crawl through him doubts started arising. Maybe he shouldn’t have taken you. He didn’t even know if you could survive with them, but maybe that was the exact situation Soundwave needed. 

It was too late for doubt anyway.

Picking you up gently with his denta, he placed you on his boss’s berth, then draped his own body on you. Almost as if he were spooning you in his own way. 

Now he simply needed to wait.

~~~~~~

Soundwave had been on edge the whole time. He got the job done, but his mind was somewhere else. 

Being without Ravage threw his emotions in a turmoil. He needed to get back. He had to go back. 

Rushing back, not even glancing at anyone, he wad dead set on finding Ravage. 

Heading first to his quarters, he opens the door quite loudly upon arriving. Only feeling himself relax when his optics found his dear cassette.

Walking towards him, he saw them on his berth waking from recharge.

He waited for Soundwave to sit next to him before revealing you. Not saying anything before getting up. Making sure you were in plain sight.

His boss simply stared down.

It was silent. Only your small breathes and the vents in their bodies making noise. The whole thing felt extremely heavy on him. Not daring to make a move or noise. Then Soundwave broke the silence.

“Ravage. Query: what is a human doing here.”

It was hard to tell what he was thinking, but he knew he was in trouble unless he started explaining. “well,.. I found them..and brought them… for you to keep them.” 

Soundwave couldn’t believe it. Nor did he detect any lie. Why did his cassette even want him to have a human? 

And as if the roles were reversed and Ravage could read his mind he continued explaining. 

“They are a gift from me to you” lowering his head towards you then towards him. “So you have to take care of them.”

Soundwave was still processing the whole thing.

You were a gift? To take care of? His head filled with questions, logic and emotion battling inside. 

But, Ravage took his silence as an invitation to place your small body on him. Leave his boss to figure things out on his own.

———————————————————————

Masterlist 

[revelboo]

hey, im the anon that originally asked for bluestreak content and i wanna thank you- reading what you've written for him has gotten me through so much these past few months. i picked up some scans of mtmte awhile back and was looking through some for drawing references of the scavengers and i! didnt!!! know that he dies!!! and when i say it hit me really hard it hit me ufckin hard and just. i asked about him not knowing much about him outside of him liking movies nstuff, initially, and you fleshed him out to the point that my chest physically ached for awhile after finding that out last night. hes come to mean a lot to me in a short amount of time and ALL THIS TO SAY: TLDR: your grasp on character writing and world building is impeccable, its made me want to create- like REALLY create, drawing and writing both- for the first time in awhile- like picking it back up i mean. thank you, and take care of yourself this holiday, alright?

He’s a character that I’ve always liked. The chatterbox sniper that can’t stop talking. I’ve always figured the nervous chatter was a stress thing for him.

I’m glad you like my writing and if it makes you happy to create, please do

Where I Belong Pt 9

Bluestreak x Reader

• Anxiety cranking through him as he leans on Smokescreen and tries to keep his other hand on your legs where you’d perched yourself on his shoulder, he makes his slow, careful way to medbay. Wishes you wouldn't sit up there, because it spins him tight with the fear that you'll fall, and he won't be able to catch you in time. Especially now. You never seem to realize how small or breakable you are and it amazes and terrifies him. “Your human’s scary,” Smokescreen whispers and you make a noise suspiciously like a laugh. He’d never seen you so angry as when you'd demanded Smokescreen come back and take him to medbay, but scary? No, just worried for him and it means so much to him. A warmth that spreads through him and twines about his spark. Because that anger had been fear for him. Trying to protect him the only way you could.

• One hand braced on the side of his helm for balance, you're half tempted to lean out and shoot a dirty look at his buddy. The feel of Bluestreak's servos pressing against your legs and thighs convinces you not to, though. Most likely he'll think you're going to fall and grab for you, so you behave as he limps to medbay with his friend's help. But it drives home how small you are compared to them, how little you can actually do to help if Bluestreak really needs it. Maybe he could have made it here without the other Autobot's help. Maybe not. And if he is hurt worse than he's letting on, if Smokescreen had left him, you wouldn't have been able to get help. Too small to even get down from his berth or to work the massive door if you could find a way down. Helpless and you hate it.

• "I'm not going in there. Doc's been cranky about anyone waking his human," Smokescreen says as he stops shy of the door. Thanking him, Bluestreak lets himself in and slowly limps inside. He can't blame Smokescreen for not wanting to deal with Ratchet in a mood. But he's not expecting to see Ratchet sitting on the side of a berth, big frame curled forward and servos brushing a small form curled on its side. That gentle touch almost feels like something private he shouldn't have intruded on. Head lifting, the medic's optics are tired when they meet his. Like he's not recharged in a while. Growling as he pushes away from that small shape to point at an empty berth. "Do I even want to know?" Ratchet asks.

• "We ran into Skywarp. Prowl said the Cons were patrolling out there, but we had it timed to miss them. Guess they changed their routine," Bluestreak says, hand reaching to grab you and move you to the top of the berth so he can sit on the side. "It's not really that bad." Somehow the more he insists he's fine, the more you're sure he isn't. That he'd always play it off no matter how badly he was hurt in favor of worrying about others. "I mean, it's barely a scratch," he adds, wincing when Ratchet examines his shoulder. You have no idea who Skywarp is, but you can guess that he's not friendly. One of the Decepticons. For being so talkative and distractible, Bluestreak seems to make an effort to not talk about whatever's going on except in frustratingly broad strokes. You know the Autobots are at war. That the Decepticons are their enemies and that both are here on your world. That they're likely all that's left of their species and yet they still can't stop fighting. The why they're fighting to begin with, though? You haven't figured that out. Climbing up onto his chassis when Ratchet makes him lay back, you ignore the look the medic shoots you and sit with your legs against the mesh of his neck. Watching him tuck his chin to be able to see you and smiling for you. Not scared like the last time you were both here, not as lost.

• Ratchet's digging around under his plating to repair the damaged lines and it hurts, but he keeps his attention on you. The warmth of you distracting him from Ratchet's servos. "You're not allowed to get hurt," you tell him, and he smiles despite himself at how serious you sound. "You're just going to have to be more careful." Ratchet snorts softly as Bluestreak reaches up his undamaged hand to slide a servo against your cheek. Realizing you really are serious. Worried for him. Spark warming as you catch his servo and hold it to you, wrapping your arms around it while you stare up at him. And he doesn't want you to have to worry over him, to feel like you need to protect him when he should be protecting you. Doesn't want to see the shadow of fear in the back of your eyes that he can see now ever again.

Previous

Next

[soapyghostie]

fave found family headcanons for dbd killers? (personally I love Danny and Amanda as besties and Anna and Evan as adoptive parents to the Legion)

Idk. I felt like doing a request. I know. It's been awhile since I posted any writing. I just haven't had the time or the motivation. I've been really going through it the past few months. I have no clue when I'll get out with another one so please enjoy this freshly, newly made content.

Note: I didn't write for all the killers because there is so many of them and this took forever to write.

DBD Killers

Evan has been in the Entity’s realm the longest out of all the killers so he’s the most experienced. He’s rough around the edges, but he definitely has a soft spot for some of the younger killers. He subconsciously took on the role as a designated father figure to pretty much all of the killers. He’s always making sure that no one does anything stupid. You could picture him being that dad that checks up on their kids, but scolds them while doing so. Julie and Frank think he’s being a hardass, but Susie and Joey know that deep down, he cares. He makes sure that everyone eats and is taking care of themselves. 

Philip is never the one to say much. However, everyone knows that if you're struggling with something or having a bad day, he’ll sit next to you silently until you feel better. He has a soft spot for those who were manipulated and abused and always makes sure that they are valued. He and Rin often hang out together. They like to get away from all the chaos and go to a quiet spot to recharge after trials. 

Despite his fearsome appearance, Max is incredibly gentle with those he considers family. Anna treats him like a younger brother and he follows her around like a loyal puppy. He loves music. Susie often invites him to dance with her and they always have a good time dancing together. He doesn’t talk, but everyone knows he’s there if they need a comforting presence.

Sally is the overprotective mom of the group. She checks on everyone constantly. She also makes sure that the more reckless killers, like Danny and Frank, are staying out of trouble. She has had to drag Danny and Frank by their ears a few times because they were causing too much commotion. 

Michael doesn’t outwardly engage, but he’s always there. He’s like most brothers. You don’t think he cares, but he does. If you mess with his people, he pops up when you least expect it. He does keep an eye on the more vulnerable killers. While most of the killers assume that he doesn’t care, Rin and Philip know he listens to everything and step in when it matters.

Lisa is like the eerie aunt who speaks in riddles but somehow always gives the best advice. She watches over everyone from the shadows and only appears when needed. If someone is struggling, she’ll leave protective symbols around them. Survivors have noticed that the Legion, Rin, and Sally all seem to have her markings more in their realms than others. It’s almost as if Lisa is silently guarding them…

Herman thinks he’s the intellectual leader of the group and enjoys psychoanalyzing everyone. He’s absolutely that uncle who gives you questionable advice but acts like he’s right. Surprisingly, Ji-Woon enjoys talking to him about human psychology, and Frank enjoys his complete disregard for morality. Evan, however, is constantly telling him to shut up. 

Anna fully embraces her role as the Legion’s adoptive mother (She mothers other killers too. I promise. Just mostly the Legion since they are like wild animals). She treats Susie and Joey like her own kids, scolds Frank a lot, and makes sure Julie isn’t pushing herself too hard. She’s also fiercely protective of Charlotte and Rin, seeing a bit of herself in them. If anyone threatens her family, she will not hold back. 

Bubba just wants to be loved, and he sees the killers as his second family. He’s especially close with Max and Charlotte since they understand what it’s like to be outcasts. He and Anna get along surprisingly well, bonding over their love for family. Will offer food (or questionably edible things) to anyone he considers a friend.

Nobody likes Freddy, but he’s the distant relative you can’t get rid of. He constantly teases people, especially Danny and Ji-Woon, and enjoys stirring up drama. The only reason he hasn’t been banned is because he keeps the entity entertained. 

Amanda acts like she doesn’t care, but she’ll absolutely throw hands for her found family. She and Danny are best friends. They constantly cause mischief together. She also has a soft spot for Julie and teaches her knife tricks. Despite her tough demeanor, she genuinely wants the younger killers to survive and be better than she was. 

Nobody really wants to be around Jeffery, but he sticks around anyways. Frank thinks he’s funny, and Danny sometimes listens to his awful life advice for laughs. Evan, Anna, and Sally keep him away from the younger killers as much as possible. 

Rin has trouble trusting others, but she bonds a little more easily with those that can relate to her. She sees Sally as a mentor and gets along with Lisa through their shared connection with the supernatural. She also has a sibling-like bond with Charlotte and Phillip. They understand her and her forced situation to serve the entity as a killer. 

The Legion are the chaotic but lovable younger siblings of the found family. Frank acts like he doesn’t need anyone but secretly enjoys the structure that Anna and Evan provide. Julie is the responsible ‘older sibling’ who looks up to Amanda. Susie sees Bubba and Max as big brothers. Joey follows Danny around like an annoying little brother. 

Adiris acts as a spiritual guardian to those who feel lost. She sees Lisa as an equal. She often offers Rin wisdom on how to deal with her pain, helping her find healthy ways to cope with it. She takes pity on Evan and Sally for what the entity did to them. She believes they were cursed by fate. 

Danny thrives on chaos but is surprisingly loyal. He and Amanda are a troublemaking duo, often pulling pranks or sneaking around. Michael is his idol. He often fangirls and pesters him, annoying Michael a lot. Surprisingly, Danny hasn’t been yeeted to another dimension yet. While he’s not super emotional, he secretly enjoys being part of the weird, dysfunctional killer family. 

Nobody agrees on how to treat Demo, but it’s basically the family pet. Bubba tries to feed it, Susie wants to cuddle it, and Evan begrudgingly accepts its presence. 

Kazan refuses to acknowledge any sort of familial bond outright, but he keeps a close eye on Rin from the shadows. He often leaves behind old weapons, armor, or cryptic advice for her, never admitting they’re from him. If anyone disrespects the Yamaoka name or threatens Rin, he will personally make them regret it. 

Caleb doesn’t like unnecessary chatter, but if he sees someone struggling with weapons or traps, he’ll step in and help. He mentors Max often, teaching him how to repair and customize his chainsaw. Despite his gruff demeanor, he has a soft spot for Charlotte. She reminds him of himself and all the hardships he faced growing up. 

Charlotte finds comfort in Anna’s motherly presence and has truly felt safe for the first time since she lost her mother. Victor is protective of Susie and often perches on her shoulder like a tiny, growling guard dog. Charlotte is hesitant with trusting someone, but when she does, she is incredibly loyal. She often stands near Evan and Anna in intense situations, knowing they’ll protect her and Victor. 

Ji-Woon sees himself as the ‘cool’ older brother who is always trying to impress the younger killers with his charisma and skills. He thrives on admiration but secretly enjoys the chaotic yet familial dynamic of the group, even if he won’t admit it. While he pretends to be indifferent, if someone ever insulted or threatened a ‘little sibling’ of his, he’d handle it with an unsettling calm, deadly efficiency.

[dronebiscuitbat]

Oil is Thicker Then Blood (Part 90)

The group took shelter underneath an overpass when morning came. Each drone settling in with sleeping bags or blankets and finding the most comfortable area to recharge.

Except for six very particular drones, who were still very awake. Tera was fussing in her mother's arms babbling out frustrated noises as she wasn't allowed to crawl around freely and Uzi was trying her best to comfort her, cooing and chirping softly.

N was holding her from behind, also trying his best to comfort his fussing little kit and tired, stressed out pregnant girlfriend at the same time, humming a melody under his breath.

As a parent, especially to young children. Some nights were just like this… sleepless, tending to Tera’s needs throughout the time they were ment to sleep. But that was okay; he wouldn't have it any other way.

“You should sleep. I've got her…” He half whispered in her audials pulling her even deeper within his embrace.

Uzi just hummed in response, “What if she needs something?” She asks sleepily; it didn't seem to matter that they were far from home, the sound and warmth of his core doing plenty to make her feel safe and secure even in somewhere unfamiliar.

“Then I got it. No need for us both to be awake.” He murmers, gently lifting Tera out of her arms and wrapping his larger body around his partner, purring, like always for her, and he watches as she starts to drift off.

She settles after a moment, her breathing becoming deeper and more steady. Her core slowing considerably.

Her core was white now, lacking any of her signature color as she entered what should be the final months of her pregnancy.

He looked over at the rest of the group. Thad was the closest to the two of them, sprawled out on his own jacket. He was looking at Uzi softly, until their eyes met.

Thad smiled.

“Sorry… it's just still so wild to see her so… calm.” He gestured to her, settled now completely against him, snoring ever so softly.

N chuckled, keeping it down as much as he could. “You've been sleeping in the nest with us for awhile now.”

“Yeah but… it's still wild to witness. She'll be about to blow a gasket and then you're right there- and it's almost instant, it's like you're flipping a switch.” Thad explains, before N has to look away from him to tend to Tera, who's trying to break out of her swaddle by biting on it as hard as she can and hissing.

“Shhh… come on baby bat, I know you have to be tired. You've been fighting the swaddle all day…” He murmured, but Tera was still bound and determined to get out of her confines.

“She doesn't like being constrained does she?” Thad points out with a laugh. And N gives a pained one back.

“No. She almost took my finger off when we were putting her in it yesterday. But… I'm afraid she'll wander off if I take her out of it.”

Thad has a thoughtful look for a moment.

“Can… can I try something?” He asks gently, holding out both of his hands. And N nods, setting his daughter down in Thad's arms.

“Hey kid.” Thad tries to tickle her, but she lashes out and snaps at his finger. Making the worker yelp and pull his hand back quickly. “Dang you weren't kidding…

Still, moving carefully he loosens the swaddle until she's fully out of it, and almost immediately she's smiling happily again, cooing up at Thad.

“Ooh… That's better isn't it? isn't it?” N never thought he'd hear Thad babytalk, but Tera seemed to have that immediate effect on people, to make them melt into a little puddle.

“And now…” Thad takes the swaddle and just gently lays it across the toddler, still giving her plenty of room to breath and move around. “You'll stay right here.” He hums, handing her back to N.

At first he's almost certain she's going to squirm out from under the small blanket, instead… her small head finds the palm of his hand and she purrs into it, using it as a pillow as she makes herself comfortable.

“Love you, Papa.” She hums, and his core leaves his body to ascend for a moment, happy tears springing to his eyes.

“Oh, I love you too sweetheart. Daddy loves you so much…” N replies, suddenly the sleepless night doesn’t matter, he'd happily never sleep again if he could continue to hear that in return.

“Don't cry dude! Even if that was cute as hell…” Thad laughs, adjusting to lay down more.

“How'd you know she'd stay put?” N asked, watching as his daughter nuzzled up close the his beating core.

“You're her dad. You two are the only thing she really knows aside from us. She's never going to go anywhere.” Thad said simply, shrugging.

N smiles at his freind, sighing as he looks at his other two companions. Lizzy is asleep, wrapped in V's arms in much the same way Uzi is with his, and V is gently stroking her fingers through her hair- he can hear her purring from here.

“Plus, I'm pretty sure we'd all loose our minds looking for her if she did wander off, so don't worry.” Thad finished, yawning and stretching out.

“Hm. Go to sleep Thad. You're tired.” N presses gently, and Thad immediately yawns again. “Way ahead of you boss…”

He's next to drift off, his snoring filling the chorus of already asleep drones.

“You too V, I know you're still awake.” He presses the next person in his group, and she nods sleepily, almost like she was subconsciously awaiting permission before curling up around her girlfriends back, seemingly completely comfortable.

N hums gently, a melody for his family to keep them sound asleep. He doesn't sleep- watching over his pack as they rested, but that was fine, so long as everyone was safe and well rested.

Next ->

[cozzzynook]

Angsty anon here with the rest of the ending.

A couple weeks have passed since that day and with the help of both Skywarp and Thundercracker, Bumblebee and the seekerling have found a place to lay low for awhile. It wasn't anything grand just a small cave hidden deep in the mountains far from both Bot and Con optics, and while Bee missed the familiar warmth of his hab he knew heading back there would be a huge risk he wasn't willing to take. He can't lose his sparkling again not when he just got them back.

However there was a bigger worry on Bee's processor right now. Flicking his door wings the yellow mech slowly walked over the cave's entrance being as quiet as he could be. He then let out a sigh leaning against the wall as he turned his gaze towards the night sky, worry filled his spark as he crossed his arms in an attempt to calm his buzzing field. There still had been no word from Starscream and Bee was starting to think of the worst...had Megatron finally...?

"Oh Star, where are you?" A wave of regret and guilt began to tug at the yellow mech's spark. He wanted to say so many things to the seeker, he wanted to say sorry for everything that has happened in the past few years but now...best not to think about it.

Quickly shutting his optics tight Bumblebee had finally pulled himself away from the cave's entrance dragging his own pedes back to his side of the cave. Letting out one finale tired sigh he sat down on make shift berth, he then quickly turned his attention towards where his sparkling was currently recharging. The seekerling has their face buried into the crook of their own arm while their now healed wings flicked and twitched in their sleep likely dreaming of some sort, hopefully not a nightmare. Feeling the familiar tug of his own need to recharge Bee laid down onto his back as he slowly closed his optics allowing recharge to swiftly claim him. Hopefully in the morning things will be better.

An hour passed when sudden chill filled the air of the cave drawing a sudden shiver from Bee, weird his Hud didn't display any change in temperature. Slowly opening his optics and Bee sat up looking towards the entrance in case the weather had changed but nothing...it was still a calm cloudless night. Shaking his helm and letting out a soft grumble the yellow mech flicked his door wings as he reached over to grab one of the spare blankets only to pause when he felt a cold chill land on his shoulder.

"Little Bee?" A wispy voice spoke drawing another shiver from Bumblebee.

Whipping around Bee almost fell onto his back from shock when he came face to face with Starscream. However something was...off about the seeker, he seemed to faintly glow as well being transparent almost completely clear as if he wasn't there at all. "Starscream? When did you get here..." Bee whispered as he allowed his plating to flatten again. "And why do you look like that?"

The seeker's wings drooped slightly as he softly frowned. "Ah, I guess Skywarp and Thundercracker haven't told you the news" Starscream then slowly sat down joining the yellow mech's side.

"News...what news?" Dread filled Bee's spark.

"Well, it seems I'm dead..." Starscream gave a small sombre smile trying to lighten the mood a little. He then looked down at his own servos for a long moment. "But it seems my spark didn't return to the Allspark and now... I'm a ghost"

"Ah, I see" Bumblebee's door wings dropped to his sides as he struggled to look at his former conjunx. "I had a feeling you were gone but...I hoped to be wrong. I guess I was proven otherwise..." He finally returned his gaze back at the seeker feeling even more guilt rush to his spark.

Starscream then reached out trying to grab a hold of the yellow mech but his servo just fully phased right through drawing both a sharp gasp from both. Star then gave a low grumble cursing himself as he shook his helm. "Don't blame yourself little bee, I dragged you both into this mess. I suppose I'd deserved this in the end..."

Bumblebee then turned his helm to the side softly gazing at where their sparkling quietly slept before letting out a long sigh. "They just got to meet you after so long now you're gone again..." He then lowered his gaze as he wrapped one arm around his other arm. "Sometimes I can't help but wonder what happened to us...and if it was doomed from the start"

Starscream then flicked his wings as he turned his gaze back to the yellow mech feeling his own guilt tug at his ghostly spark. "Maybe we were doomed from the start...but I never stopped loving you, did you ever-?" He closed his intake there as he bowed his helm as a part of him already knew that answer.

"No...no I didn't stop" Bee had a soft smile as he met the seeker's gaze with his own. Tears began to prickle at the soft edges of those bright blue optics as Bumblebee leaned a little closer. "Sure I was angry as hell when you shot me and left me but a part of me refused to stop loving you. I couldn't stop no matter how much I wanted too"

In that moment Starscream cursed himself again as he wanted nothing more than to lean in and hug and kiss Bumblebee like what they used to do before, back when things were still so easy and simple. Instead he just softly smiled and leaned in as close as he could without phasing right through the little bug and just simply stared into those bright blue optics, the ones he loved so much. "I know that I haven't been the best conjunx or Sire in these past couple of years. So if its alright with you my little Bee I promise to watch over you and our sparkling for now on, that's if you'll allow me to stick around that is..."

Bumblebee optics when wide with shock while his door wings fluttered in amusement, he then softly chuckled still trying to be as quiet as possible. "You always knew what to say, huh?" Bee gave a little teasing smirk as he met those soft ruby optics. "But you also deserve to watch our sparkling grow and it will be nice to have you around again...even if things won't be back to what they used to be"

The seeker gave a small smirk of his own, Primus how he did miss that smile. "Thank you, I promise to do my best-eh the best I can do in this ghostly form" His wings fluttered in embarrassment as he bashfully looked away.

"The best is all I ask for my Star" Bee felt his own spark grow warm as he sheepishly looked away.

A soft rustle came from the other side of the cave followed by a soft grumble. The young seekerling sat up and rubbed one sleepy optic as they turned to face their Carrier. "Mmm Carrier, who are you talking too?"

Bumblebee jumped a little finding himself drawn to the voice of his sparkling. With a sheepish smile the yellow mech fluttered his wings in embarrassment as he softly spoke. "Ah, just myself little firefly. Sorry for waking you up, go back to sleep"

"Okay?" While not being a 100% convinced the young seekerling simply yawned as he flopped back onto their back with a small yawn. "Goodnight"

"Goodnight little firefly"

Once they were asleep Bumblebee then returned his attention back to Starscream who had a soft droopy smile on his face. The seeker then softly chuckled as he watched the yellow mech's face turn bright shade of pink. "You did always look so cute when flustered little bug" The seeker teased as he propped one servo under his chin. Bumblebee rolled his optics as he slowly lay back down onto his back onto his make shift berth.

"Yeah well, you always admire me in the morning" Bee softly whispered as he slowly shut his optics. "Night Screamer"

"Goodnight little bug"

(Ah, hope you enjoyed this ending Cozy :D I tried to do a mix between both bittersweet and wholesome, also I'm sorry if the first part of the ending was rushed, my internet was going crazy. Anyway Angsty Anon out :D)

No no no!!!

This whole entire thing is beautiful & I’m so happy to have read it! Imm sorry it took me so long to finish! But i really like this story and i think the ending is beautiful & perfectly fitting!

Thank you so much for sharing!

[seuonji]

hihi i was wondering if i could request a how svt would help you if you were overwhelmed, because of loud noises or social situations ^^

sorry if this took awhile to write,, i was out when i received this !!

from aya: this is so sweet! the svt boys would comfort so well!! thank you for requesting & hope you’re doing okay! <3 ( ＾∀＾)

in relation to social situations,

i feel like relatively all of them have this skill but emphasis on seungcheol/wonwoo/jihoon/vernon. when you’re so overwhelmed to the point it’s exhausting you, he’s able to detect it.

→when he notices, he won’t hesitate to get you and leave the event you’re at. he prioritises how you’re feeling. he might bring you home or if you still want to stay, he’ll just stand by you until you feel yourself again.

→imagine, you’re with a group of friends but you’re significantly less responsive than when you first came. suddenly you felt someone hold you by your waist, “hey i’ll borrow them for awhile!” seungcheol/wonwoo/jihoon/vernon smiled at your friends. he’d then ask if you wanna dip or just in need to recharge.

in another setting, imagine being at gathering and you’re tired yet you’re still trying to converse. jeonghan/joshua/minghao/chan would hold your hand and squeeze to calm you down. “don’t push yourself too hard,” he whispered. he wants you to feel like you can rely on him when you’re feeling like this.

it’s possible to get overwhelmed when you’re around people you’re not familiar with. when it did happen, you excused yourself from conversing with them. you went to the side to recollect yourself but joshua/chan finds you. he’d instantly console you and stay with you. he’d ask what you need while holding you close so you could rest on him until you recover.

in a social event, when you get overwhelmed, soonyoung/seungkwan tends to do the talking for you. he goes wherever you go to minimise how much you need to interact. he’d be holding your hand, reminding you that you can leave it to him.

+

in relation to loud noises,

when you’re in a crowd, jun/mingyu/seokmin would of course keep you close but also, when he noticed your bitter reaction to the loud noises, he’d start to cover your ears for you even while walking. he’d try his best to make it out of the crowd and bring you to the side where it’s calmer.

when you’re hanging out with your bf and his friends but they’re being a bit too loud, i can totally see soonyoung/seungkwan scolding them even though he was probably as loud as them— but if you get super overwhelmed, he’d bring you outside away from them and have you in his arms as you both enjoy the quiet.

[taradactyls]

I'm officially working on a few *short* things for Janeuary, as a bit of a decompress from the stress of making the last T3W chapter work, and oh my gosh guys it's such a great way to recharge my creativity.

It's been awhile since I created anything that could be done in an evening (normally I can't even write then since I'm too tired to do a good job with my multi-chapter fic) and has no need for careful planning and consistency. So I am LOVING this and if you've ever wanted to give me a JA inspired writing prompt now is the time. It's proving a great warm up to writing the actual fic which I need to use significantly more brain power for, lol.

No promises that I'll get to them all, but check the prompt list, send an ask with a little or a lot of detail for a day a little bit away, and if I get a burst of inspiration you might get to see it written out! Crack, fluff, smut, angst, whatever. It's good for me to try different things.

*EDIT*

Things done so far:

Day 8: Cravat - Rated G, 3k words, Elizabeth/Darcy, sweet, first kiss, post-canon.

Also Day 8: Cravat - Explicit, 6k words, Elizabeth/Darcy, the prompt was from the wildest ask I have ever received, smut, established relationship, the cravat is part of the smut.

An artwork for Day 11: Card Playing - which is the banner of...

A Losing Hand - Rated G, 2.9k words, Elizabeth/Darcy, Darcy pov of the Netherfield card game/accomplished women conversation, canon compliant, falling in love and FIGHTING it, banter, awkward flirting, unrequited crush.

[stellarboystyles]

Eclipse

actress!oc and actor!harry blurb

"Babe, car's here!" Harry shouts, slowly jogging up the stairs to check on "Almost done?"

"Almost." she utters quietly, trying to focus on the task at hand.

"No rush, love." he reassures, adjusting his watch. "We're early this year."

"For once." she mumbles, putting in her last earring. "I'm just glad we don't have a team here this time."

"Me too." he agrees. "M'sick of people in our damn house."

She laughs at his lighthearted remark. Usually when getting ready for award shows, especially ones like this, most people will gather a whole team; assistants, manager, stylists, and sometimes designers to make sure everything is how it should be and everyone's on schedule.

Basically, every event is treated like a fucking wedding and Paxton is sick of it.

Despite the nature of her job, she's is an introvert. Plain and simple. She needs alone time to recharge and just be. And when you're a critically acclaimed actress who never takes a break (even when she's supposed to), you don't get recharge time. You don't get to just be a human on her couch. It's always her own doing, of course. But don't worry, Harry forces her to relax every once in awhile.

"I'm honestly over all that right now."

"Think we just need some alone time." he tries, raising an eyebrow at her through the wall. Even though he hasn't seen her yet there's already a little thrill inside him.

She takes one more look after smoothing her dress down. "I'm ready now."

"Oka-woah."

Harry never fails to bask in how attractive she is, and Paxton never fails to feign annoyance from it. She rolls her eyes and he's already objecting.

"Don't roll your eyes at me." he bites, hands in his pockets as he strolls over to her. "I'm allowed to look."

"I didn't say anything."

"But you wanted to."

"And how would you know?"

"Love, no offense but I know you well enough to know what you're thinking most of the time."

"Yeah, I know." she grumbles.

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"It means it annoys me."

"I know it does." he stands behind her in front of the mirror she's using and throws her a wink. "Why do you think I do it so much."

"You are so-"

"I'm what?" he pushes, faces inches away from each other. "Sexy? Smart? Charming? Funny? Attractive?"

"All of the above."

They're both smiling as she pulls him into a kiss in front of the mirror. It started out innocent.

For her.

He quickly tries to deepen the kiss, finding her hips. His palms try to snake down but her rationality steps in before his in the form of a giggle and a push on his chest.

'C'mon." he whines.

She can't deny him for very long. Never was able to. He radiates this essence of sex sometimes that she can't explain. It's almost addictive, like she has to have it if the mood is right.

The mood is always right with him.

"We have to go."

He picked up on Paxton's thinning resolve rather quickly, and decided to use it to his advantage.

"My love." he's speaking into her ear, the sultry voice filling her head. "Am I really gonna be crucified for fantasizing about kissing..."

He kisses her ear. She has to fight her eyes from closing in pleasure. His eyes lock on hers for a moment through the mirror and she has to hold her pride.

And holding,"

He squeezes her hips.

It takes everything in her not to exhale too loudly.

"And touching,"

One of his hands moves to smooth down from her ribcage, stopping just below her belly button.

"And fucking," he growls into her ear this time. "My gorgeous fiancée?"

"Later."

He glares at her in the mirror, because he knows she's right.

"You win this round." he kisses her head one more time before taking her hand.

She won the next round, too. Nine VMA's! Harry was so incredibly proud of her. Being her plus one is his favorite thing to do these days.

"Are we getting takeaway?"

"No." Harry laughs, shaking his head sliding his hand around her waist as they walk out of the venue and into the car. "You think I'm not taking you out when you look this good? Hell no. We're goin' out."

Paxton had a love hate relationship with the level of charm Harry had. It was so high at times she wasn't sure why he still tried so hard to impress her after two years of being together.

"Where are we going?"

"Wherever you want." he kisses the top of her head before opening the door of the car that was waiting for them.

"I want sushi."

"Nobu it is."

He can sense her hesitance of going to somewhere so public. He knows she'd rather go to some hole in the wall in...different outfits, obviously. So he changes the subject.

"So," he holds up one of her moonmans. "Are we going to have to dedicate a whole room for these things, or..."

"Stop." she gushes, as if to say, that's ridiculous. "We're not those people."

"What's that mean?"

"No." she giggles. "We do not need a room for Oscar's."

"Oscar's, Grammy's, Golden Globes, Brits-"

"Can't we just put them in the studio?"

They shared the same look and laughed.

"Maybe we do need a room for these things."

She scrunches her nose in response. It was a weird feeling, coming to terms with little things like that. But he was looking at her in the most adoring way.

"Don't look at me like that."

"What?" "Am I not allowed to look at my gorgeous fiancée-"

"Are you crazy?" she gasps, gingerly hitting him on the shoulder, gesturing toward the driver.

"He's inner circle, relax." he mumbles.

"Inner circle is exactly how things get out."

"Am I that much of a dick that you don't want people to know you're marrying me?"

"That's not true and you know it."

"All these people that we know, our friends." "They're so happy, then they go public and it's too much."

"Everyone already knows." he argues. "Since when have you ever cared about what people think?"

She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

"Exactly."

"I don't. I mean, I try not to. But when they're in your face screaming that you're-"

"Don't." he interjects, shaking his head with a wince. "I don't care. They're jealous."

"I know. I'm just scared."

"You don't need to be."

"Your heart 's too good." he lays his head on her shoulder. "That's your problem."

He was right, and she knew that deep down. Was life really worth living if it was only behind closed doors? Staying in hiding simply because she didn't want people to gossip seems pretty coward like at the end of the day.

They knew the strength level of their relationship. It could never be torn down by some petty comments on the internet.

"I don't want to pretend anymore."

[confessionsofa-roleplayer]

Would love some advice to boost motivation tbh. I finally finished my studies, have a stable job with flexible hours so I should have so much more time than ever before to write but..nothing is coming to me. I go through my drafts daily, already knowing what to reply but something is just not working out, I can't write. It's not happening. Nothing sparks that joy I used to have instead it feels like a task like cleaning or doing laundry...help.

Motivational advice can be hard to give, OP. There are such a wide variety of reasons why you might be having writers' block, and it sounds like you're not even sure of a reason yourself - which is totally okay and perfectly normal, I promise. Half of the time, when I'm having trouble writing, I can't always nail down the 'why' right away, either.

What I can do is offer some of my go-to's for when I'm feeling this way. Maybe one of them will help.

Nine times out of ten, when I'm feeling this way it's because I need a break from writing/tumblr/being social/etc. My typical 'escape' often involves immersing myself in someone else's creations for awhile - be it a book, or a video game, or a TV/film series. For me, that's often a good way to recharge my writer battery.

If I'm wanting to write, but not wanting to work on the things I owe, I'll often work on one of my fanfics or I'll do some random drabbles. Sometimes, it's just a case of me wanting/needing to get inside a muse's head in a different way for awhile. Other times, it's because I have another muse that my brain wants to focus on. Doing drabbles for them can help me 'get it out of my system,' so I can refocus on the things I owe.

Sometimes I just have to sit down and force it. I know that doesn't work for everyone, but usually if I can force myself to start, then the writing quickly starts to flow and I start having fun with it again. Basically, as I write, I start to relive the thread, and those memories of what's come before help to revitalize my interest in the story.

And finally, sometimes when you find yourself with free time you didn't have before you realize that there are A LOT of things you could be doing with it... and writing doesn't always take precedence anymore. And that's okay. If there are other things you want to do more, then do them. In the end, a hobby is meant to be enjoyed. If it's starting to feel like a chore, then why not take some time to focus on other interests? Find a balance that works better for the position you're in now. You don't have to stop RPing altogether; it might just be time for a re-balancing of your priorities.

Do our followers have any advice/suggestions they'd like to add?

~ Mod MJ ~

[impactedfates]

Recharge Station - Lisa x GN!Reader

Summary: When a certain librarian lost all her energy, who better then you, her cute partner to help her recharge her battery?

Warnings/Extra: Reader is GN, however female reader was in mind (They/them is still used tho :]) // Not exactly proof read // Not the biggest fan of Lisa (She’s still a good character, just not as interested in her) so she might be OOC

W.C - 1144 (Wrote more then I expected)

A/N- When neither you or your friends are Lisa simps so you can’t see if it’s a good Lisa x reader fic :,) All in all though, this was just some random ideas turned into a fic based on what I HC Lisa as in a relationship. Another love hate fanfic I wrote ehe- I feel like I should open up requests soon, I am on my summer holidays, though I have a few fics I want to get out first before I consider to open it.

Lisa’s Battery Percent: 0%

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.

.

A yawn erupted from a light brown haired woman, as she stretched and walked around Mondstadt. Lisa looked around the city after going around the nation to collect overdue books. She was tired. Thankfully for her, Jean had allowed her to take an extended break.

(Albeit, she did have to convince Jean for a while, laying out what she had to do to even get the books back)

“Maybe some lunch at Good Hunter would do me some good”

She thought, making her way there. Once she arrived, her eyes landed on a certain someone. Someone reading a book while eating a honey roast.

Oh! It’s [Name], her favourite person in the whole wide of Teyvat. She grinned, suddenly feeling her tiredness go away as she strides over, grabbing a seat from the table [Name] sat at and moved it beside them. [Name] looked over to Lisa, an eyebrow quirked. Before they could say anything, Lisa was quick to wrap her arms around them.

“Darling!! I’m so happy to see you”

She spoke, cuddling into the confused person as they placed down their book and slowly wrapped their own arms around her. Lisa smiled contently, feeling her energy levels go up.

“Lisa? Shouldn’t you be working right now?”

“I was…but Jean let me have an extended break…and you just so happen to be here so why not keep my company for awhile? You are my S/O are you not?”

[Name] laughed softly and nodded. Softly agreeing to their girlfriends want for their company.

Lisa continued to cuddle and give some kisses on her lover's cheek as they attempted to finish their food and read their book. However it can be difficult when their partner was trying to gain their attention as well.

“Lisa…I’m trying to finish this chapter”

“But darling~ I need you to pay attention to me”

“I’ll give you attention once I finish this one chapter, just a few more pages”

[Name] mumbled out, continuing to read their book, letting their girlfriend to just continue cuddling up to them, as difficult as it was with only a chair to stabilise them both as Lisa had insisted to sit on the same chair as them. 

.

.

.

Lisa’s Battery Percent: 25%

[Name] in fact, did keep their promise of giving Lisa some affection after their book. However it didn’t last long as eventually Jean came to tell Lisa to get back to work. With a small sigh, she kissed her beloved good-bye before reluctantly going back to the library.

A few hours passed, Lisa continued her work, checking in and out books, she stiffened a yawn as she lay our head on the desk. Hoping maybe she can catch some sleep without being caught by Jean, but a tap on her shoulder brought her out of it as she peered up, she saw none other than you. Standing there with your arms crossed, unamused. You were obviously silently judging her for sleeping on the job...again.

“Darling!!”

Lisa smiled, standing up, quick to go around and wrap her arms around you, gently tugging you to sit beside her as she nuzzled into you, her breath can be felt on your neck, sending a small shiver down your spine.

“Love…you should really stop sleeping on the job, y’know Jean won’t be happy”

Lisa hummed in response, showing it’s clear, that at the current moment, she didn’t care about anything. All she cared about was you and having you close to her.

“Stay here with me darling~”

“If I stay, will you stay up and do your job?”

“If it means you get to be beside me, then of course”

.

.

.

Lisa’s Battery Percent: 50%

“Don’t leave yet Darling, I still have 3 hours left of my shift”

Lisa complained as she hugged you tightly with a teasing smile. You had to go back to your own work at The Cat's Tail. According to Margret, it was busy and they needed the extra hands but as it seems, your dear girlfriend doesn’t want you to leave…well that was obvious no?

No matter how much you attempted to bargain with her, that after both your shifts were done, you would give her all the love and affection she oh so desired, no matter what you said she just hugged you tighter with each deal you attempted to offer.

“If my boss fires me, I’m breaking up with you and never giving you my love again”

You retort dramatically, you hear Lisa’s soft laugh close to your ear as she finally lets you go, although you could tell it was reluctant. You sat up and looked at her, planting a few quick kisses on her face and finally giving a longer one on her lips, which she happily reciprocated but as much as she wished it could continue, you began walking to the door before turning around to Lisa.

“Try not to fall asleep now that I’m not here”

“No promises cutie~”

.

.

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Lisa’s Battery Percent: 75%

Lisa yawned, stretching as she walked into your shared home. You were still at work yourself. Which meant…she couldn’t recharge the rest of her battery. So…what could she do at the moment?

Lisa looked around the home for a bit in thought, before smiling to herself. She knows you’ll probably be tired, and you spent your time on her already to recharge her battery. So she’ll make sure to help recharge your own battery once you come home.

She cleaned around the house, cooked something for the two of you to eat and even finished some work she was supposed to do. This took a bit, she heard the front door open and was quick to go and find you yawning yourself as you dragged your legs inside. She took away your coat and led you to the dining room.

You gave a small raised brow at the food on the table but smiled. Giving a tired ‘Thank You’ to her as you sat down and allowed her to feed you.

“I’m surprised you’re not snuggling up to me right now”

“Your needs are also important dearie and besides…just being here with you is enough for me”

.

.

.

Lisa’s Battery Percent: 100%

Lisa stroked your face softly and calmly, feeling you peacefully sleep on her chest as she read her books. Her eyes glanced at yours, your lovely face, her eyes filled with admiration as she continued to stare. She placed her book down carefully and slowly lay down on your shared bed, being sure to not wake you.

She continued staring at you as you slept to recharge your own battery. Placing a small kiss to your forehead, she pulled you a bit closer, admiring your features until she decided to close her eyes and fall sleep herself.

She truly loved you, and you truly loved her as well.

[nebuladreamz]

You ever think about how Moon’s personality is silly and he seems to be Just Like That whereas Sun is passive aggressive towards adults and fighting for his life with kids because broski is trying his best whilst probably (if the Plex books are canon, I’ve said my piece before about them awhile back) not being actually programmed/qualified/washed up theater kid in customer service at this point

And yet. And yet actively trying to keep Moon away, silly goofy but by this point most likely infected by the virus (not as obviously as the other Glamrocks given how if he’s infected or not can be a debate on its own) but there is fucking SOMETHING up with him because of his constant connection to Vanny

You ever think about how poorly these two are treated, most likely worse than the Glamrocks because we all know damn well that Fazco does NOT give an actual fuck about them and how sentient they are. Sentience in robots and real-life like personalities all fabricated by coding and programming, yet they feel more real than maybe some people out there. The only reason why they’re treated more decently than the DCA is because they’re the main stars of the show, the Plex is their kingdom and they’re the entertainers of it with Fazco being its king.

And in a kingdom of falsehoods and pulling strings of its entertainers, there lies the jester, dancing its own tune whilst trying to be in the favor of its eyes.

You ever think about how much the Daycare Attendant needs more attention and an actual decent amount of recharging because I highly doubt they ever get to charge. If not charging like the Glamrocks, then the amount of downtime they have is so staggeringly low it’s a wonder how they’re still functioning.

You ever think about how much these two could use a break. Downtime. To be fixed, maybe depending on perception. Moon getting to be reprogrammed to actually understand that his villainy goofiness is actually Not what you’re supposed to do for naptime with a bunch of toddlers. Or even getting the virus taken out. Sun getting to take a fucking break without feeling like he’ll shutdown or breakdown if he isn’t keeping the lights on or needing everything to be perfect.

Not to mention Eclipse and THOSE implications, if any.

You ever think about the Daycare Attendant and how little we see of them and yet piece the puzzle together, even if we don’t have them all and sometimes instead rearrange the picture to our own image, our own perceptions to make sense of the holes.

[brandwhorestarscream]

Reincarnation AU.

I saw the thing about Hot Rod having TFA Roddy as a sickly child and this just popped into my mind: Hot Rod going to mama Prowl to ask how to take care of a sickly baby, since baby Prowl/Lil P was sick a few times (thanks Jazz that one time and maybe sometimes Bumblebee) and Hot Rod has zero clue how to take care of this child, especially with how ill they are.

So just... Prowl and Hot Rod friendship ig. Bonding over cute babies and having to keep an optic on them because sickly babies then watching.

Hot Rod is a mess of nerves cuz his baby's vents constantly have a horrible wheeze and a rattle to them, he's always shaking and breaks out in a fever at least 3 times a decacycle. He has to sanitize everything and anyone that wants to hold the baby has to have a thorough decontamination bath and their vents flushed. The poor sparkling has trouble recharging and always seems to have aches and pains somewhere, discomfort radiating in his little EM field and all he can do is cry. Roddy's at his wits end and has no idea what to do: honestly, he's really not ready to be a parent. He's barely even an adult himself.

He goes to Prowl because he's always taking Lil Pea to the medics, surely he'll have some tips for managing the more stressful at-home parts of having such a sick kid, right?

They both kinda get hit with a surprising realization at the same time--Lil Pea isn’t actually all that sickly. Prowl's overprotective and was rightfully worried cuz bitty's so thin, but in reality? He's pretty healthy. He's nowhere near as frail as Roddy's sparkling, and the much younger mech breaks out in tears when he realizes. He's just so stressed, he's sleep deprived and exhausted and terrified and he has no idea what he's doing. He had so much hope riding on this, that Prowl would be able to help him, but seeing him with his happy healthy baby just... feels like the end of the world. In response to his carrier's distress, baby Rod starts crying too and then they're both crying and it's a whole mess.

Hot Rod's apologizing, desperately trying to wipe his tears and stop blubbering and bounce the baby in one arm but he's so strung out and exhausted and he needs help. Prowl's a first time parent too, but he's considerably older: he doesn't hesitate to scoop the little one out of Hot Rod's arms and tell him to sit. Breathe, try to calm down, it's gonna be ok. His office doesn't have a couch but there's an extra chair: Hot Rod kinda just collapses in it and buries his face in his servos, trying to get ahold of himself. Prowl steps out into the hall, pulling out a bottle and starts carefully bouncing the poor baby and rubbing his back, shushing him. It takes awhile, but eventually they both stop. Hot Rod is still shaking and he looks miserable, but still reaches to take his sparkling back.

"I..." his voice is shattered. Defeated. Broken. "I don't know what to do."

They talk for a really, really long time. Realistically, he's already doing everything he can for his son. He's following all the instructions from the medics, he's off work for the foreseeable future because the baby needs round the clock care and monitoring. Prowl... doesn't really have any experience with having such a frail child. No one does. Hot Rod whispers, tearful and exhausted, that... he's even considered giving him up for adoption. He loves him endlessly, but he doesn't feel like he's taking good enough care of him. Doesn't think he can take good enough care of him. He doesn't want to give him up, but... he'd rather his baby be happy and healthy but away from him than be sickly and unhappy but with him. He hangs his helm lower than Prowl has ever seen, forlornly apologizing and coldly calling himself a failure.

This is honestly outside of Prowl's scope of expertise--says he won't try to talk Hot Rod out of it if that's really what he wants, but will try to help however he can. Resources are extremely limited with the war, but he pulls as many strings as he possibly can and gets the poor mech a series of meetings set up, in person and virtual alike, to explore more options and to help him find his footing. Parenting is hard, especially if your child has subpar health. He thinks Hot Rod just needs some guidance and support: the stress has made him want to give up but it's not the only possible path forward. Some old parenting books and advice columns are really all they have right now, but it's better than nothing. They can get his work stuff figured out, set up a schedule so he can actually rest while someone qualified minds the bitty, they can look into treatments and therapies to help strengthen his little body, if only a little bit.

"It's going to be alright, Hot Rod... you're both going to he alright."

[amadnessofwords]

turns out i don't even think another disabled person with autism wants me. which means i was right this whole time. wooo *says it sarcastically.*

Also his family hates me and has been actively trying to get rid of me since July.

they hate the way i handle relationships. Apparently putting your partner first and helping with what i can to the point of making myself exhausted and then asking for help from my partner because i am so exhausted is wrong of me.

i need to be super independent and do everything myself no mater what even with extreme fatigue.

this is where the problem started. it got worse after his parents got into the middle of the relationship.

apparently when they first met me they though they could 'fix me' and help get rid of my 'problems' umm that's not how this works. i didn't ask to be 'fixed' or my ' problems solved'.

I've had MS since i was 19 and i handle it to the best of my ability, my neurologist is happy with how i'm handling it so that should be good enough. but not for them. they want me trying this med or that med and even suggested a diffrent neurologist since mine is starting to retire. they don't think i'm doing a good enough job. they don't like that my diet limits my food and have even suggested that if i went on meds i wouldn't have to have such a restrictive diet and could eat a little bit more unhealthy. like what? excuse me but this is my health were talking about and i have managed to keep it stable for over 10 years without meds which is a miracle. also i never did good on any of the MS meds and that why i don't taken them, like i had really really bad reactions to all of the ones I've tried.

for those wondering my diet is a anti inflammatory diet which consists of. fish, chicken and turkey. lots of fruits and veggies. nuts and seeds. low salt, low sugar, no caffeine. i don't drink (i hate the taste of alcohol anyways). so it's a really healthy diet.

they have commented on how i exercise, i walk for about a hour and a half or two hours everyday. if it's summer i'll swim sometimes. they say it's not real exercise. i have been able to keep my muscles working well and keep in shape. his mom is like you need to sweat in order to have any real exercise.

they have commented on how i look, they don't like that my teeth are a little stained (it's from childhood. to much soda and sugar and not enough brushing) and want me to get veneers. umm hello keep your opinions to yourself on how i look. if you have a problem that's a you problem not a me problem and i'm not going to change just because you don't like it. i'm pretty sure veneers would bother my autism to.

speaking on autism they want me to go to a behavior therapist to work on it when the only problem i have had with it recently has been with them. like i went my entire adult life without problems and now i'm having them because they don't seem to understand boundaries or even how autism works dispite having a son that also has it. they seem to think it's something you can work past and make go away.

unless i'm pushed and pushed or plans changed last minute (i'm really bad with last minute changed plans, it takes awhile to process the change) or super over stimulated it dosn't usually come out. they have done all of these thigs to me and then blame me on my reaction and how i handle them (i sometimes have autistic fits where i rock back and forth or hit myself. they don't happen that often maybe in the last two year 5 times because of being to pushed to far but before that almost never)and tell me to 'work on it' without trying to understand why it's happening.

i'm also super introverted, i can handle people once in awhile, i enjoy events and conventions but then i have to go home and recharge. they were expecting me to go to a lot of social gathering and be okay when i have a low social battery which isn't going to happen. i'm going to end up exhausted and grumpy. and then boyfriend tells me "i used to be super intoverted and i worked really hard to be more extrovered you can do it to" umm i don't want to. and i can''t it's not in my nature to be around people every week without a break. i like my alone time.

they have also told me to not ask my boyfriend for anything and to do it myself if i wanted to go places and told him to ONLY go to the things he wants to do. it don't matter if i want to do something only if he dose, this is for going out as a couple.

so now i only go to places either by myself or with friends. i don't even bother asking him anymore after his parents got upset about him going with me to Knotts Scary Farm, and again asking him if he wants to go to San Francisco with me for my birthday (he dosn't and his parents don't want him going so i'm going with a close friend instead).

honestly i feel like i'm walking on egg shells around his parents and get really panicky if i do anything wrong. i broke out in tears the last two times they said i did something 'wrong'

the first time i was super sick with a cold so i asked him if he could take me to the store for a few items, i asked him when we were alone. i think one of his parents asked where he was going so he told them, i saw the frustation and anger in there faces so i tried fixing the problem by saying i'll just walk even if it'll make me sicker. they didn't like how i worded it so his dad in a very mean almost looking down on someone voice told me not to ask boyfriend to do anything special for me and to do it myself. the way he said it set me off a little so i told him i'm just going to go home. like he said it in such a way that i felt like i didn't deserve to be there, that asking while i was sick is wrong and i had no right to ask boyfriend for anything.

the other one was boyfriend said i could have some chocolate, we had agreed before i could take some from the bottom of the box since the top and bottom were the same and when i went to get one, i was going to ask again just to double check he got upset and told me no and that i shouldn't have taken the other one before when he said i could. i got confused about him going back on his word, his parents were there so i felt like i did something wrong and i ended up crying because of it.

on his end

he's stating to cross boundaries he know i put in place for safety like no sex at my house since i live with my mom and siblings and my mom is super conservative when it comes to sex. if she walks in on that i can be 1 kicked out of the house and 2 slut shamed. two things i don't want. but he keeps trying to break that boundary.

when i'm at his house he never asks what i want to watch or if i say what i want to watch he ignores it and just picks something he thinks i might like. most of the time i don't. i actually hate anime. he wont bother with anything i suggest.

there's more i just can't think of it right now, since i'm tired and it's late

i'm starting to feel just terrible and like i'm just pushed in a corner and walking on eggshells but in a diffrent way then with my ex. there's just a lot of judgment, he and his parents keep trying to change and fix me to what they want and wont listen to what i want and there's no just accepting who i am as a person.

he's recently told me if i don't start changing and working on my autism then he dosn't know if there even a future. who says that?

love is about accepting the other person where they are and helping them though life not finding someone and changing them into what you want.

i've neve judged him ever i just accept who he is as a person. apparently he cant do the same and neither can his parents.

he also said he dosn't know if he can be with someone who dosen't get along with his parents and at this point i doubt anyone is going to get along with his parents there hypocrites, rude and closed minded.

like i have noticed sometime they say something about me but when boyfriend dose the same thing it's okay. like make it make sense.

if this ends i think i'll just stay single focus on myself and my health and traveling. two failed relationships is good enough for me.

i highly doubt that anyone wants a disabled autistic person. what's happening now kinda proves it.

[doctorstrangereview]

0026: Strange Tales #134

Cover Date: July 1965 On-Sale Date: April 8,1965

Doc's cover real estate shrinks to a text blurb again. While this is always disappointing, it is the last Human Torch/Thing story in Strange Tales and Nick Fury, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. will replace it starting next month. The battle with Mordo and Dormie continues much like earlier installments. There's only one sort-of first. Clea does something! Details below.

Doc returns to Earth and in a lovely bit on continuity, the portal looks a lot like the one that sent him away. The Sanctum Sanctorum must either still be occupied or booby trapped. Either way, Doc doesn't go home again. Rather he dons a hat and coat and heads to a nearby sleazy hotel. Once settled in, Doc goes ghost and heads to the Ancient One's temporary pad where Hamir the retainer continues his faithful retaining. Doc casts a spell to make him visible. Hamir greets Doc and finally gets to tell Doc that the old dude continues to babble about "Eternity" in his sleep. Doc hasn't got time for that! He needs to give the old boy a recharge and his all-purpose amulet is just the thing. Once his batteries are recharged, Doc takes a quick peek outside t see how close Mordo's minions are. There is one nearby and Doc heads to the Ancient One's main pad. It's now deserted. I guess Mordo didn't want to hang out there anymore.

Doc quickly scans the books and scrolls for this "Eternity" and finds nothing. Man, that amulet is better than Google Books and the Internet Archive put together! All that searching and no ads!

Whoops! Doc forgot to dissolve his visibility spell. A nearby minion, nowhere as cute as Gru's minions, sees him. The minion sends a signal home and Mordo does his equivalent of Jeannine from Ghostbusters "WE GOT ONE!" Dormammu, watching from the Dark Dimension on the floaty, smoky TV sends power to Mordo saying Doc must die. In the spirit of exposition, Dormie once again says once Doc is dead, he'll be free of his oath to stay hands off as far as Earth is concerned. Clea is once again eavesdropping on Dormie. Man, that throne room must be humongous for him not to sense this!

Back on Earth, Doc is battling Mordo and the Minions. Yes, Mordo has joined his ghost ninjas and is chasing Doc all over the globe. It's kind of like issue #125, but Mordo had Doc outnumbered.

At the beginning of this article I mentioned that Clea actually does something. Here's where that happens. Looking back into the Dark Dimension, Clea has stolen some sort of power leaching device that she plants near the barrier keeping the Mindless Ones at bay.

I love how Clea just thinks this obvious knowledge to herself. Yes, you should already know the barrier keeps the rock battle dudes in check. This reuse of this plot device is well illustrated and dynamic, however.

I love that panel of the charging Mindless One followed by a bunch of his fellows shooting their eye beams. This has the desired effect and Dormie must withdraw his support of Mordo and deal with domestic issues.

Once again, it appears Ditko's sense of distance is... odd. The Mindless Ones look to be about six feet away from Dormie. Back on Earth, Mordo continues to pursue our favorite magician. Doc is like, "Freak this! I'm going into space." He even flies through an airborne jet on the way.

It looks cool and Ditko's outer space is really impressive. With the Atlas days behind him, I think it's been awhile since he's been able to do this. Doc heads to the sun followed by Mordo. Mordo spouts something about a chemical change at the sun's core that can be fatal to ectoplasmic forms. The ninja minions flee and Mordo must pursue alone, without even Dormie for guidance. Doc draws him into the sun. Mordo follows for a bit, then his natural cowardice takes over. He thinks "can't someone else do it?", puts his tail between and scrams home. Ditko's interior of the sun is minimalist, but great.

Doc returns to Earth avoiding Mordo and pops back into the Ancient One's temporary cave and we see Hamir once again. Hamir explains the the amulet charge worked and doing the old dude good, but he's still in a coma. Doc attempts to probe the old guy's mind for information about "Eternity" but is rebuffed. Hold onto this. It'll come back into play later.

Dormie contacts the now returned Mordo and berates him for being a fraidy cat. He can't do anything at the moment because he's sitting in some triangle thing recharging. Lots of charging and recharging going on this story. And this is pre-Tesla supercharger days.

Clea returns the device and realizes it's only a matter of time before Dormie deduces it's her that caused all this kerfuffle. She gonna be in trouble! Doc returns to his body in the sleazy hotel with his new mission to find "Eternity."

While this story doesn't technically do much to move the overall arc forward we get seeds of future events planted. Ditko did a banger illustrating this. Everything is lovingly detailed. I think he was mostly inking his own work which means he pretty much had to draw this twice. It's impressive work. Clea's bit of derring-do sets her up for at least some degree of future involvement in the plot and draws her closer to Doc. We're in for a fun ride over the next few issues!

[johnhardinsawyer]

Calling All Shepherds

John Sawyer

Bedford Presbyterian Church

7 / 21 / 24[1]

Psalm 23

Jeremiah 23:1-6

Mark 6:30-34, 53-56

“Calling All Shepherds”

(No/True Rest for the Weary)

Last month, someone asked me, “So, did you and Amy have a restful vacation?”  “Well,” I said, “I mean. . . we were parenting young children in a place different from our home.  So, was it restful?  I don’t know.  We had a really good time, but we’re tired.”  “Restful” and “Vacation” are two words that don’t really go together for us in our current season of life.  And that’s okay!  We signed up for this.  Perhaps it would be best to view a concept like “restful vacation” on some kind of spectrum – all the way from “It was fabulous!  Life-changing!  Never been more happy and more relaxed!” to “Well, we went out of town.  And then we came back.  And I think we need a vacation after our vacation.”  Can you remember the last truly restful vacation you had – an opportunity to get away from it all?  Did you come back fully rested – ready to reengage the world – or did you come back feeling like you still need to get away from it all?  

Life – with all of life’s blessings – sure can feel relentless sometimes.  Maybe you can relate to the relentlessness of responsibilities, and needs, and the firehose of media and other stimuli coming your way.  I am reminded of all of this in today’s reading from the Gospel of Mark.   

Now, at this point in Mark’s Gospel, the disciples have returned from their missionary journeys.  If you remember from a few weeks ago, Jesus has given his twelve disciples authority over unclean spirits and has sent them into the surrounding countryside where they call people to turn toward God and are able to cast out demons and cure the sick.  When the disciples return, I imagine that they are excited to share the good news of what has happened.  I also imagine that, as they return, they are talking about the tragic death of John the Baptizer (which takes place right before today’s reading, and which – you may remember – we covered last week).

To top it all off, many people are still coming to visit Jesus – so much so that Jesus and his friends are not at leisure to eat.[2]  This is not the first time that Jesus and his disciples have not been able to eat because there are so many interruptions.  Way back in Mark, Chapter 3, the people crowd around Jesus’ home and keep him from being able to finish a meal.[3]  

So, since there has been a lot going on, as today’s text reads, Jesus says to his friends, “‘Come away to a deserted place all by yourselves and rest awhile.’  (Mark 6:30)  “Whew!  Just what we need,” the disciples must have said, “some space to breathe, and recharge, relax, and renew.  Life has been so full, so wonderful, so hard, and we’re so glad that we don’t have to go-go-go, because it’s time for us to stop-stop-stop.”  

Years ago, I heard someone preaching on this particular story from the Gospel of Mark – the part where Jesus and the disciples take a break and go to a deserted place.  And they used it as a kind of justification, as in, “If Jesus and his disciples needed a break, we do too.”  And I think this is true.  There is no way for us to do all that we need to do without some rest.  But I remember that sermon kind of ending with that idea:  “Jesus rested and so should we.  Amen.”  I guess there is some good news there.  It definitely feels good to rest, especially if we are resting from the toils of life.  I mean, in the Old Testament – in the Ten Commandments – we are commanded to rest on the Sabbath, because even God rested on the seventh day.  But what are we resting for?  Is rest, for rest’s sake, sufficient or does rest prepare us for something else.  

The text tells us that Jesus and his friends try to get a break.  “And they [go] away in the boat to a deserted place by themselves.” (6:32). But the text implies that the break they get isn’t very long, at all.  In the very next verse, we are told, “Now many saw them going and recognized them, and they hurried there on foot from all the towns and arrived ahead of them.” (6:33). Imagine booking an all-inclusive vacation at some fancy resort to get a break from work, but when you arrive at the resort, all of the people from work are also there – and they’ve set up a room that resembles your office.  

So, Jesus and his disciples can’t seem to get a real break.  And there are times – whole seasons of life – when it feels like we can’t get a break, either.  

The key moment in today’s story, though – the good news of this story – is what happens next.  As Jesus goes ashore, he sees the great crowd, and he has compassion for them.  Just so you know, that word “compassion” has a curious meaning in the original language.  It can mean, “to have pity or feel sympathy,”[4] but it literally means that Jesus is “moved in the heart” – the seat of human emotions.  But for people in Jesus’ day, the emotional heart wasn’t necessarily right here, in the chest.  It was lower – in the gut (or, as the Greeks colorfully put it, “the entrails”).[5]  The literal translation, here, is, “Jesus was moved [in his entrails, his inner parts] by compassion.”

Have you ever been watching TV and you see the Sarah MacLachlan commercial where she’s talking about pets and you hear that song, [“. . . in the arms of the angels. . . ] and you see these sad puppies on the screen, you just go “Awwww. . .” Or, if you want to raise the stakes with a more urgent example:  you are riding in the car and you see a person – a fellow human being – standing out in the summer heat, holding a sign, saying that they are homeless and need money, or water, or food, or a job.  You can see with your eyes that they are in dire need of help, but you also feel it in your gut.  That’s compassion – that visceral feeling.  The question is, if seeing someone else in need causes such a gut response in our bodies, what is the next step?  Does it cause us to do anything?  

When Jesus sees the crowd, he is moved in his inward parts – or gut – to care for these people, because it’s like they’re wandering around, looking for someone to help them.  And so, he gives them what they need.  But he doesn’t just give the crowds who are gathered there on the western shore of the Sea of Galilee what they need.  Today’s reading tells us that Jesus and his disciples go across – back to the eastern shore of the Sea of Galilee, where Jesus has already healed a man who was possessed by evil spirits.  The people in the land of Gennesaret recognize him, 

“. . . and rush about that whole region and begin to bring the sick on mats to [him].  And wherever he goes, into villages or cities or farms, they lay the sick in the marketplaces, and beg him that they might touch even the fringe of his cloak; and all who touch it are healed.” (6:55-56)[6]

What today’s readings leave out, is that in between Jesus – weary though he is – seeing all of the people and having compassion on them and then traveling to the other side of the Sea of Galilee to help even more people, Jesus takes time to feeds five thousand men, plus women and children, with five loaves and two fish.[7]  There is no rest for the weary, it would seem.  There are just too many people out there who need help – like a flock of sheep who have no shepherd.  

Could we talk about this term, “shepherd,” for a moment?  All three of today’s scripture readings make reference to shepherds.  In the Gospel of Mark, we hear that Jesus’ heart breaks for these people because “they are like sheep with no shepherd.”  In the famous words of Psalm 23, we hear that the Lord is our Shepherd. And, in the words of the Prophet Jeremiah, we hear the prophet giving a stern warning to so-called “shepherds” – leaders of the people – who destroy and scatter the sheep of God’s pasture.  In typical prophetic language, God – through Jeremiah – gives us some good, old fashioned, “Woe to you bad shepherds” language.  I do wonder what Jeremiah would have to say, today, to God’s scattered people and those who would purport to lead them.  According to Jeremiah, there are plenty of human shepherds who do a terrible job when it comes to shepherding God’s flock.  Jeremiah wants to assure us, though, that we should not rely on flawed humans to lead us because God provides another way.  

Leaning on the image of God as shepherd that we find in Psalm 23, God says – through Jeremiah –  

Then I myself will gather the remnant of my flock out of all the lands where I have driven them, and will bring them back to their fold, and they shall be fruitful and multiply.  I will raise up shepherds over them who will shepherd them, and they shall not fear any longer, or be dismayed, nor shall any be missing, says the Lord. (Jeremiah 23:3-4)

Jeremiah then tells us that “the days are surely coming” when God will raise up a “righteous Branch, and he shall reign as king and deal wisely, and shall execute justice and righteousness in the land.” (23:5). Now, it is not clear that Jeremiah intends to point toward Jesus Christ with these prophetic words, but many of us who read these words all these years later might read them in that way.  

Contrary to the sermon that I heard long ago, the good news of today’s story from Mark is not that Jesus rested – and we should rest, too.  No, the good news of today’s story is that even if we are tired and in need of rest, even if we are surrounded by shepherds who divide and scatter instead of drawing us together, even if we are lost and in need of help and have nowhere else to turn, we have a Shepherd – the Good Shepherd, the Lord who is our Shepherd – who neither slumbers nor sleeps and is always seeking us, always loving us, always finding us where we are and granting peace, and hope, and comfort, and wholeness, and strength, and healing for our weary, scattered souls.  

When it comes to showing compassion, Jesus never stops.  There will be times when we do need to stop.  But Jesus never stops.  There will be times when we need help, too, in trying to offer help to others.  But Jesus never stops.  Offering care can be so challenging, so relentless – so emotionally and physically exhausting.  But Jesus never stops.  

Well, there is this one moment – snuck right in the middle of today’s two short readings from Mark.  Jesus has just fed the five thousand and then he sends his disciples in a boat to the other side of the Sea of Galilee.  And then, we are told that, “after saying farewell to them, he [goes] up on the mountain to pray.” (Mark 6:46)

For Jesus – and for us – the only way to offer the care and compassion that the world so desperately needs is preceded and punctuated by prayer.  And, for Jesus – and for us – finding a place and time to pray might be a challenge, but it is not impossible.  

This past week, after trying to drink from the firehose of current events, and heady headlines, and thinking about the church and who God is calling us to be, and thinking about everything else in my life from family to finances, I found that I needed a minute.  Maybe you can relate.  And so, I walked across the street to the cemetery on the hill.  There are these old cedar trees over there – tall and thick and gnarled in places – and, as I walked up the hill, I saw and heard a family of bluebirds flying around.  They were so beautiful.  I don’t know what they thought of me, as I sat down in the shade of one of those trees, but I do know that I was reminded – for a moment or two – that there is so much God-breathed-beauty in this world.  

And sometimes, I – just like you, and so many others – just need a minute, or two, or twenty of grace, in order to reengage with the world, to dive back into life in all of its messy, needy, relentless, and amazing fullness.  

The good news is that we are not alone in all of this – that Jesus Christ, in the fullness of God’s great love, is always at work on our behalf, always at work within us by the power of the Holy Spirit, and always granting us grace upon grace.

May we rely in this grace.  May we rest in this grace.  And may we rise in this grace to offer ourselves, again and again, in Jesus’ name.

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.  Amen.  

-------

[1] Year B, Proper 11, Ninth Sunday after Pentecost.

[2] See Mark 6:30.

[3] See Mark 3:20.

[4] Walter Bauer, A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament and Other Early Christian Literature (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1979) 762.

[5] Walter Bauer, 763.

[6] Paraphrased, JHS.

[7] See Mark 6:35-44.