#I need to take a half day next week for an ultrasound to get screened for cancer again and it’s a lot of mental strain

[reality-schmality]

I have done nearly no work at all in the last week because I cannot focus for the life of me and it’s baaaaaaaaaad.

My period has gone completely off the rails and my hormones are all over the map. I’m overwhelmingly depressed and crying at the drop of a hat and just I can’t function.

[just-a-girl-who-wrytes]

Part 9 ❤️🍼💍

The following week, David was sitting next to Nikki in her first OBGYN appointment. She had just had her blood work drawn and they were waiting to be called back into the ultrasound room. 

When her name was called, she stood up, excited but hesitant. She was remembering this very same walk when she carried Dakota, but oh, how different this time was.She felt David squeeze her hand which snapped her out of her thoughts. She hadn’t realized she hadn’t moved after standing up. 

“Ready, babe?” He asked softly. 

She nodded and they followed the ultrasound tech into the room. The ultrasound was to determine how far along she was since she had no earthly idea. She was sent to the bathroom to undress from the waist down and returned with a sheet around her lower half. Deacon and the nurse helped her up onto the table. She placed her feet in the stirrups in preparation for the vaginal ultrasound. 

Nikki couldn’t put her finger on it, but there was something calming about the love of her life being next to her throughout this process. The human body was nothing to be embarrassed about to Nikki, but she dealt with the nitty gritty on a regular basis. She knew a lot of women felt uncomfortable exposed like this - laying on a table, spread eagle. She knew a lot of women didn’t like a hint of light being on if their pants were down, but David didn’t make her feel like that. She appreciated that. 

David sat on the side of Nikki opposite the ultrasound tech with one hand over Nikki’s on her belly, his other hand stroking the hair on her head. David struggled to make out what he was looking at on the screen as the tech entered the probe into Nikki, but soon saw a little bean shaped baby on the screen. Nikki started crying as soon as she saw their baby and heard the heart beat. Tears welled up in Deacon’s eyes as well. 

“Baby…” Nikki cried. 

“I see, darling.” Deacon said, his tone of voice like a hug to Nikki’s soul. “Isn’t our baby beautiful?”

Deacon pulled Nikki’s hand to his lips and kissed it as they watched their baby wiggle around on the screen and the tech took pictures and measurements. 

“You’re measuring approximately 11 weeks along,” the tech said, “but your blood work will also confirm that too.”

“Thank you so much.” Nikki said. 

 

Once the ultrasound was over, Nikki and Deacon followed the tech to their exam room. The doctor came in and told Nikki that her bloodwork confirmed we was 11 weeks and 3 days along, however her electrolytes were off from being sick and not eating and she was extremely dehydrated. After the birth control was removed from Nikki’s arm, the couple were sent to another area of the office where Nikki received an IV and fluids filled with electrolytes accompanied by some IV nausea medicine. 

 

Deacon knew Nikki had felt bad, but didn’t realize it was to the point of needing IV fluids, replacement electrolytes, and IV nausea

medication. Nikki admitted to him she didn’t realize that either. Regardless, a new Nikki walked out of the doctor’s office and he was so relieved to see her color back, her seemingly feeling better, and most of all - ready to eat. Deacon was thankful for everything that day: Nikki, her health, her feeling better, and most of all - their baby. He opened Nikki’s door for her and helped her in before taking his place in the driver’s seat. 

“Where would you like to eat, baby?” Deacon asked, reaching his arm across the console and resting his hand on her lower belly. 

“Mmmm..” Nikki started. 

“No.” Deacon cut her off, “I asked the baby. Not you.”

He held her gaze with a serious look for a moment and then winked at her. 

she laughed and popped his arm with her hand. 

“A cheeseburger sounds delectable.” Nikki said. 

“Easy, babe, you’re drooling.” Deacon tapped her chin with his index finger as he laughed, “But seriously, whatever you want, my love. As long as I get to see you eat something.” 

 

The couple were snuggled up watching a movie and eating supper when David’s pager went off signaling he had to leave. Nikki got off of the couch with David to hug him goodbye. He put on his badge and his gun before wrapping his arms around his girlfriend. 

“I love you so much, beautiful.” David said, burying his face in her hair. “I love both of you.”

Nikki kissed Deacon’s neck, then his jaw, resting on his lips. 

Deacon pulled away first, got down on his knees, lifted Nikki’s shirt up, and kissed her belly. 

“Daddy loves you, baby.” He said against Nikki’s skin. 

Nikki couldn’t stop herself from smiling as she watched and listened to David talk to their unborn baby. 

“Be safe, sweetheart,” Nikki said while David stood to his feet. They kissed again before she watched him leave. 

 

“What’s got you grinning like the Cheshire cat?” Luca asked when he saw his teammate walk into the building. 

Deacon chuckled, “Nikki went to the doctor today. She got some fluids and medicine. She’s done a complete 180. Man, I’m so glad she’s feeling like herself again.”

“Admit it, Deac, that’s only so you can get some.” Hondo chuckled, walking by Deacon and patting him on the shoulder. 

“You got me!” Deacon pointed at Hondo, following him with his index finger. 

The team joked together for a few minutes before Hondo gave them the run down of why they were all there. 

Once the mission was complete, David was more than ready to return home to his girl and their baby. He needed her in his arms.

 

The next morning, David woke to Nikki snuggled up next to him, tracing circles in his chest. 

“I’m ready to be your wife…” 

David perked up, waking up more when he heard Nikki say those words. 

“Hmmm, is that so?” He asked. 

“Are you not?” Nikki had a hint of concern in her voice. 

“Why don’t we go today?” 

Nikki pulled her head off of his shoulder and propped herself up on her elbow to look at him.

“What?”

“I said… why don’t we get married today?” David brushed a piece of her hair behind her ear. “All we have to do is go down to the magistrates office, sign a marriage license, say some vows, and you’re Mrs. Kay.” He smiled at her in a way that gave her butterflies. 

“What about an engagement?” 

“Do we need one to know we want to get married?” 

“Well… I guess not… Dress and suit?”

“We can go buy you a dress, I have my class A uniform.”

“Witnesses?”

“I have an entire team that would be thrilled to be our witnesses.”

“Rings?”

“Let’s go pick em out, baby.”

“And a honeymoon?”

“We can take a honey/babymoon in 3 or so months - let you feel a little less miserable but not about to pop and it will give us time to plan a good trip.” 

“David Kay…”

“Yes, love?”

“Let’s get married.” 

 

The rest of 20-David were ecstatic to hear about David and Nikki’s courthouse wedding and were more than willing to clear their plans for the small ceremony at the magistrate’s office. 

“You look beautiful, babe.” Luca said, giving Nikki a hug.

“You all look phenomenal yourselves,” she replied, taking in each member in their best SWAT dress. 

“We’re so happy for you two,” Chris said, following Luca’s hug. 

“Thank you, Chris.”

“Let’s get married!” Hondo said, rounding up his team to begin the proceedings. “Deacon told me 8 months ago he was going to marry this girl,” he put his arm around Nikki, “and I don’t know how he’s waited any longer.” 

The team laughed and David took Nikki’s hand and led her inside of the building. Once everyone was seated in the small room used to little ceremonies, Nikki and Deacon joined the magistrate under the archway fixed up for couples. 

The time came for Deacon to say his vows. He intertwined his fingers in Nikki’s, never breaking eye contact with her. 

“Baby, it’s not secret to anyone in this room that you literally saved my life. You don’t have to tell me that I did all of the hard work. My desire to do any of the hard work came because you took the time to make sure I was okay in the middle of the most terrifying moment of my entire life. Now, it’s my turn to spend the rest of my life taking care of not only you, but also, taking care of our baby.” 

Nikki grinned when she heard the gasps of surprise coming from their friends. 

Deacon chuckled to himself, never breaking his gaze with Nikki, “You have become my very best friend, my girlfriend, for a very brief few moments - my fiance, you have become the mother of my baby, now it’s time to make you my wife. I promise to love and take care of you for the rest of my life, Nikki.”

Deacon slid Nikki’s rings onto her finger.

“With the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife.” The magistrate spoke.

“Sergeant David Kay, you may kiss your bride.” 

David took Nikki’s face in his hands and passionately kissed her lips. 

20-David immediately began clapping and whistling. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, Mr. & Mrs. David Kay.” 

David’s team jumped up to hug the couple. 

“Talk about one hell of a pregnancy announcement!” Luca said. 

“Congratulations you two!” Hondo followed, “Deac, I see why you were so damn happy the other morning.” Luca laughed. 

“How are you feeling, babe?” Chris asked Nikki. 

“Much, much better after some IV fluids and medicine at my appointment.”

“How far along are you?” Hondo asked. 

“11 weeks and 4 days now,” David responded proudly. He pulled their ultrasound pictures out of his back pocket to show his team. Chris was the first to take them as Street and Luca looked over her shoulder. 

“Are you guys going on a honeymoon?” Tan asked. 

“Once I get around 30 weeks or so, we’re going to plan a trip away. A honey moon and baby moon.” Nikki said. 

“We’re so happy for you two.” Chris said. 

“Thank you so much,” Nikki replied, giving her a hug.

David and his new bride were both so grateful for each other and the support of his teammates.

[aconstantstateofbladerunner]

The Glitch

I get the Broken Reality au is a haha funny joke but there’s been some legit great art for it and since Butterfly is over and I haven’t gotten into the groove of my other projects yet, I decided to try some flash fiction of my interpretations. Note that this is very small and informal; I used whatever idea came into my head over the course of an hour or so instead of the weeks of planning that go into my usual fics. This was an experiment for fun. But if people enjoy the concept, I may be tempted to expand on it.

Credit to @lollitree @moonpaw @gentrychild​ @owlf45​ and @cyber-phobia​ (I’m sorry if I missed someone I lost track of how many people were involved in this mess).

Content working for reference to infant death.

Please enjoy!

The city shut down for a typhoon warning.  Thunder rumbled in the distance.  Dark clouds blocked the sun so much that by mid-morning it still looked like it never bothered coming up.  And yet the humidity made it too hot for coffee.  Inko didn’t know how to feel.  Work would have been a good distraction.  But she didn’t want any coworkers or clients to see if today got to be too much.  And it was already shaping up to be.  She caught herself making two plates of food for breakfast.  

Inko sat alone in the kitchen.  She couldn’t bring herself to finish her own plate.  Sickness set in fast.  The food had been cold for a long time before she summoned the strength to get up and throw it away.  Then she stood over the open trash can a while, debating whether to try and hold it together, or just throw up and get it over with.  She eventually managed to keep her stomach steady enough to go back to her bedroom.  There was another trashcan in there anyway.

A sound stopped her.  From her office.  The distinct sound of something heavy falling onto the carpet.  Right as she walked past the door.

Please not this again…

She opened the door with her eyes closed.  Her mind conjured a familiar image.  A bedroom full of books and hero posters.  Bright colors and personal touches.  A child’s room.  Inko opened her eyes to her drab home office.  Some of the older case file binders slipped off the pile again.  She really needed to sort those into storage. Not today though.  She didn’t bother to pick it up.

Inko walked faster than normal the rest of the way to her room.  She doesn’t want to face the temptation to search for old toys she remembers storing in the empty closet.  Or search the walls for scuff marks from action figures tossed into them she could always see even after the walls were painted. She hid her planner on a tall shelf and put the ladder away to make it that much harder to go through it over and over looking for doctors’ appointments and school events she knew were coming up.  Finally reaching her bed brought no comfort.

Of course she knew today’s date by heart.  She hadn’t put it on a calendar in the fourteen years since she used to look at it every day.  Inko stuck her head under her pillows, as if they could block out the silent noise of her memories.  Memories of before, the time even when she was by herself, she was never alone.

Fifteen years now, today.  With a shuddering gasp, the tears finally came.  Thunder crashed outside.  It’s not fair!  Why is it still this hard after this long?  Phantom kicks in her belly joined the growing ice there.

The hardest part was she still felt like that sometimes.  Like she wasn’t really alone.  Inko didn’t believe in ghosts, but the lost of what could have been was more than haunting enough.  She felt it watching her.  Judging her. Waiting just long enough for her to settle down into a peaceful, content existence before it reared up to plague her heart all over again.  Cliché hauntings like spooky faces in the mirror or blood coming out of the drains would have been preferable.  Those would be generic enough not to remind her directly.

Rain started outside.  Her phone lit up with a notification she ignored in time with a thunderclap.  The storm was getting closer.

Maybe I should call Hisashi, the thought crossed her mind.  Maybe he’s going through this too.  She bit her lip bloody.  Her frustrated memories weren’t in question like the others.  Probably not though.  I don’t want to talk to him anyway.

Hisashi had been stuck in the denial stage of grief, which often came off as him acting like he didn’t take hers seriously.  Not a year, not even half a year looking back, after they came home from the hospital, he wanted to try again.  

“We can’t let mourning hold us up forever,” he said.  “And it’s not like we lost a once in a lifetime opportunity!  We’ve got at least another twenty years to keep trying!”

But we did lose him! she had wanted to scream.  Still did, years later.  Why didn’t he understand?  He was your loss too!  Inko wanted for the next roll of thunder, then shouted.  

“I don’t just want any baby!  I want Izuku!”

The lights went out.  The temperature rose five degrees instantly when the ceiling fan stopped going.  The rain stopped.

Power outage.  Inko sat up with a sniffle.  Turns out the notification was a warning about roving blackouts.  Of course.  Oh well. I wasn’t really in the mood to cook tonight any-

Thunder boomed even louder than before, making her jump.  Then another.  Lightning flashed outside at the same time.  It was right on top of her.

What?  I thought the typhoon wasn’t supposed to make landfall until later toni-

Another crash.  It vibrated through her bones.  Then another. The lightning lit up her whole room. Except for a shadow on the wall. Inko jolted to look, holding her breath, and found only her own shadow in the next flash.

“I’m such an idiot…”  She went for her phone again.  For peace of mind, she decided to use her data to check if an evacuation order went out. Or any updates at all really, since the weather came so much faster than the news said.  “Nothing,” she sighed annoyed.  “I hate being alone for weather like this…”

A new notification pinged.

[Mom]

Inko blinked rapidly.  The message remained.  All of her insides turned inside out in an instant, and she started crying again. Was this someone’s idea of a sick joke? No one ever got a chance to call her that.  She touched the note to open it, but nothing happened.  No app or source was displayed.  Nor did it go away after a few seconds like normal.  

“Wha- What’s going on?” she wept.  In a mix of sorrow and rage, she wound up to chunk the device across the room.  But she froze.

Outside her window, floating against the pitch-black sky, were two small orbs.  Perfectly circular and glowing.  Watching her. She didn’t dare move.  

Another ping.  She looked without moving.

[I’m sorry]

“…  What?”

For a moment, all the sounds in the world dropped out.  They all came back at ounce.

Lights flickered.  Both the ones inside and the lightning going outside.  Multiple strikes laid on top of one another.  No relief.  Thunder pounded over and over like a drum solo.  It shook the whole building.  Inko ran into the closet away from the window.  She slammed her hands over her eyes but it didn’t help.  Her terrified cried were whispers to the screams of the storm.

A child’s scream.  She heard it. Each flash of light came with a cry. The distinct sound of a little boy calling out in pain blended with unyielding nature.  It came from every direction.  Every hair on Inko’s arms stood up in fear.  She felt the charge in the air.  But she had to go out.  Her baby was crying for help.

She burst from the closet into the living room.  All the lights and appliances turned themselves on and off.  The TV showed only static between its flashes. Something drew her too it.  The storm was deafening.  It pounded through her head like a heartbeat.  The beats got faster.  The static flashes started to look like a face.  Her usual caution was abandoned as she fell to her knees and touched the screen.  The snow cleared for a single instant.  Just long enough to look like the blank eyes from the window.  She felt the heartbeat there too.

Then it stopped.  All of it. The noise and lights all went quiet and dark.  The TV went completely cold in an instant.  Inko, stunned, palmed over it looking for something.  Anything.  The pulse. Warmth.  A burnt fuse or faulty wire.  But nothing.  The rain started again.

She pulled her hands back to her lap.  Her heart was still racing and tears kept flowing down under her chin. She looked around.  Everything in the living room and kitchen looked the same. No sign of the earthquake-like convolutions the whole appartement experienced only minutes ago.  Inko combed the entire space for evidence.  An object knocked off the shelf.  A picture frame fallen from the wall.  The notifications.  Toys in the closet or scuffs in the wall.  Still not a sign.  She even stepped outside her door to check the sky.  Only light rain and shattered thunder, just like the news said the day before.

There was only one thing out of place.  Back in her bedroom, the bottom drawer of her nightstand hung open.  Inko had to steal herself before approaching it. There were only two things in there: a little green blanket, and a picture of the ultrasound.  The most recent one from her last appointment. The doctor said he was doing fine.

“Izuku…” she whispered to it in her hand.

She remembered the squealing little bundling being put in her arms for the first time.  The first time he smiled at her.  Teaching him to walk, then immediately launching into play.  Him coming home with bruises and scrapes after the kids at school were mean to him, and crying in her arms.  Then, him coming home with his first real friends in a long time. She made them all dinner. Katsudon.  That was Izuku’s favorite.

Only she didn’t remember.  The same way she didn’t really remember the toys and scuffs.  Those were fantasies.  Daydreams of what could have been.  She just thought about them so often they felt like memories. Especially today.  It was his birthday after all.  They’d fade back into vague dreams by tomorrow.  They always did.  

And she would be left with reality.  The silence.  The cold, still little hand between her fingers.  Soft cheeks without blush.  Eyes that never opened.  Clutching him too tight to her chest, knowing the second she let go he would be gone for real and it would all be over.  

But it was never over.  Inko went through this same torturous song and dance every year for fifteen now.  All the guilt and dread would subside slowly over the next one, until it all came back at once.  Just like this.

At least it’s done for now, she tried to reassure herself, climbing back into bed. It still wasn’t even noon yet.  Plenty of time for another breakdown.  Hopefully the next one won’t be, feel, as loud.  She sighed heavily into her sheets.  This sort of thing can’t be normal.  I should really try therapy again.

Against her better judgement, she kept the blanket out, and clutched it to her chest.  Static electricity pricked her fingers.  With her other hand, she reached across the bed, and tried to imagine someone else there. Not Hisashi, never him anymore.  Izuku.  He was fifteen and happy, but the storm was making him nervous so he came to lay beside her.  She remembered it like it was now.  If she closed her eyes, she could feel his warm, soft skin, with a healthy, if a little anxious heartbeat just underneath.  The mattress warped as he sighed.

“We’ll be okay.  It’s just a little rough weather,” she promised.

“Okay, Mom,” Izuku answered quietly.  “…  I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for.”  I’ll start trying to get myself together tomorrow.  For now, let me have this.

Izuku didn’t respond for a while.  “I love you.”

“I love you too, baby.  Happy birthday.”

[homoose]

Love Has a Learning Curve: epilogue (reader)

Summary: An early morning, a doctor’s appointment, a new beginning.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Category: fluff

Warnings/Includes: pregnancy (including like… probably incorrect math and science but my degree was in English and this is fanfiction okay)

Word count: 2.7k

a/n: I’m actually so emotional don’t look at me thanks ♥️

Series Masterlist

———

The sound of Spencer’s ringtone pierced through the early morning quiet, shrill and disconsolate. Y/N hummed against his chest, shifting as he clumsily reached across to the bedside table to answer it. 

“Hey,” he croaked, voice still smothered in sleep. “Mm... When?” He paused, and she could almost make out the answer on the other end. “Got it. Yeah.” 

He carefully set the phone back on the bedside table, and then his arms came around her shoulders. He let out a long sigh, the one she’d gotten quite used to over the last year and a half— the one that meant he had to go. She squeezed him around the middle and let out her own sigh. “Case?”

“Yeah.” He ran light fingers down her arm. “Jet’s taking off in ninety minutes.”

She glanced at the bedside table to the alarm clock that read 4:57am. They both knew he needed to leave within the next half hour if he was going to make it on time, but neither one made any effort to move. Instead, they breathed together in the pre-dawn stillness— a single moment of peace before the world and all its ugliness could crash through the fortress they’d constructed around their space and around each other.

“I don’t wanna go,” he whispered. 

“I know.” She pressed a kiss over his heart through his t-shirt. “I know.”

“I’m gonna miss everything,” he lamented. “Appointments, and milestones, and firsts, and I— I’m gonna miss all of it.”

She lifted her head at the tears in his voice. “Hey.” She shifted in the circle of his arms to prop herself up on his chest. “You’re not gonna miss all of it. You’ll miss this one appointment. And it’s— it’s not even an important one,” she assured, gentle fingers swiping away the lone tear that had managed to escape over his lash line. 

“Yes, it is.” He shook his head. “They're all important.”

She gave him a sympathetic smile, leaning forward to press a quick peck to his lips before sitting up and deciding to reassure him in the only way she knew how. “Okay, doctor. Eleven weeks. Tell me what we’re gonna find out today.” 

She pulled him up out of bed, interlacing their fingers and pressing their shoulders together. As she led him to the bathroom, he explained, “Dr. Layton will do the first ultrasound, and Baby will look more like a baby now. At around ten weeks they made the transition from embryo to fetus. They’ll be about two inches long.” 

She handed him his toothbrush and turned to grab his toiletry go-back from the linen closet, stifling a yawn. “Mmhm. What else?”

“Did you know they’re breathing now?” he asked, and she smiled at the way the excitement crept into his voice. “Between weeks ten and eleven, the fetus starts to inhale and exhale small amounts of amniotic fluid, which aids in the development of their lungs. It’s kind of like they’re breathing underwater.” 

“I didn’t know that,” she admitted, turning back to set the bag on the counter. “That’s pretty amazing. What about the heartbeat?”

He nodded vigorously as he applied toothpaste to the bristles of his brush. “We should be able to hear it, although sometimes it’s too early— depending on the accuracy of the estimated date of conception.”

He ran the water over the toothbrush before popping it into his mouth. She kissed his shoulder and then moved back into the bedroom, shuffling into their closet for his go bag. She checked it over on her way back to the bathroom, ensuring it had been fully repacked after the last case. She set it on the counter and placed his toiletry bag inside, leaving it open for him to pack his toothbrush and then sitting on the closed toilet lid. 

He rinsed his mouth and put his travel cap over the head of his toothbrush, gesturing with it and then dropping it into the bag. “They’ll do some routine lab work to test for things like gestational diabetes, and we can also choose to do additional screeners for chromosomal abnormalities and possible complications.” He looked at her then, and she saw the despondence creeping back in. “I should really be there, just— just in case.”

“Honey.” She stood and held out her hand to him, smiling a little when he accepted it with a squeeze. “It’s gonna be okay.” 

He let out a breath and pulled her into his arms, and they held each other in the silence, the soft light from the vanity washing over them. His phone buzzed with an incoming message, and she knew he needed to get on the road. Still, she held him for a second longer, and then they shuffled through the door and into the bedroom together. 

Y/N made her way back to bed, scooting down under the duvet to preserve the last remaining notes of his body warmth. She watched as he dressed silently, pulling on trousers, socks, a button up and cardigan. He skipped the tie in favor of coming to sit on the bed, bringing his hand to rest lightly over top of her belly over the covers. 

She covered his hand with her own and laced their fingers together. “Maybe you could ask Luke if you can FaceTime with his phone. You can probably take twenty minutes, right?”

He nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I can do that.” He rubbed a tired hand over his face. “Maybe I should just upgrade my own phone.”

She huffed out a laugh. “Oh, I see how it is. Couldn’t upgrade for me, but once a baby comes along you’re ready for an iPhone.” 

“That’s not— you— you shouldn’t have to do all of this alone,” he huffed, and she realized her joke didn’t land when his voice cracked at the end. 

“Spence, I’m— I’m just teasing.” She lifted her hands to his face, pulling him closer and meeting his eyes. “I’m sorry; you’re upset, and that wasn’t nice.” 

She leaned up to kiss his forehead, letting her lips linger and breathing him in. “But I’m not alone. With you, I feel— the opposite of alone.”

“Irritated?” he offered. 

“No,” she laughed. “Supported, and cared for, and loved,” she corrected with a smile. “You’ve been all of that since day one. And I know that’s not going to change, whether you’re physically present in that doctor's office or not. Right?” 

When he nodded, she continued, “I love you. The most. And you are easily the best baby daddy on planet earth. Okay?”

The term of endearment dragged a smile from him, as it always did. “Okay.”

She leaned forward to press her lips to his, both sets upturned and a little dry from sleep. “Now, you need to go, or you’re gonna be late.”

“I know.” He kissed her again, long and slow, and then pulled back to lean their foreheads together. He hesitated for another ten seconds before standing to grab his bag from the bathroom. 

When he re-emerged, she reminded him, “Ask Luke about the FaceTime thing. I’m sure he won’t mind, and we can trust him to keep the secret. The appointment technically starts at 1:00, but I probably won’t be seen until at least 1:30.”

He crossed to give her another kiss. “I love you.” He crouched to press a kiss to her tummy. “And you.”

“We love you, too,” she smiled, fingers tangling in his curls. “And we’ll talk to you in a few hours.”

She kissed him one more time— couldn’t help herself. And then his warmth was gone from the bed, and the house was suddenly much too quiet. She snuggled back down under the duvet, her head on his pillow and the scent of his shampoo shrouding her senses and easing her mind.

Spencer really was supportive— endlessly so. Not overbearing, but interested and involved in every moment: reading all the newest research, bringing home her favorite treats, writing out a color-coded timeline of all the appointments and milestones. She wasn’t lying when she called him the best baby daddy. He was always there for her. So much so that the apprehension she’d had at the beginning of this surprise journey was nowhere to be found. 

As she drifted back into sleep, there he was again— she could almost hear the jangling of his keys in the bowl in the entryway, his feet on the stairs, the rustling of his pants and sweater being discarded onto the floor of their bedroom. 

And then she felt the warmth of his palm low over her tummy, coming to rest over the barely-there bump. She felt his lips on her shoulder and his chest pressed against her back. When she went to cover his hand with her own, her exhausted brain registered that it wasn’t a dream at all.

She turned her head, blinking her eyes open to see him smiling at her and drew her brows together. “What’s going on?”

He pressed another kiss to her shoulder, snuggling even closer and rubbing his thumb along her belly. “I’m, um— I told Emily I’m gonna consult from home on this one.”

…

“Okay, Mom, this’ll just be a little bit cold.”

Dr. Layton smoothed the gel over Y/N’s lower abdomen, and Spencer moved to thread their fingers together, shifting to stand even closer to the examination table. The ultrasound machine gave off a low hum as the doctor adjusted the wand over her tummy. She felt Spencer press a kiss to her temple and turned to smile brightly at him before turning back to the black and white screen. 

At her first appointment five weeks ago, she’d been by herself— alone and uncertain and terrified— and she’d declined the option of the ultrasound. It felt wrong to see the baby before Spencer even knew about them. Now, together with him, with her soon-to-be husband— she was more than ready to see their baby for the first time. And she could practically feel Spencer’s excitement next to her, his body nearly vibrating with it. 

“Ah, here they are. Hello, Baby Reid.” Dr. Layton pointed to a small, white figure on the screen. “Okay, right here, you can see their big ol’ head— perfectly normal size for this stage of development,” she assured, eyes deftly scanning the image in front of her. “Everything looks great! Now, I’m just trying to find…” 

She adjusted the wand over Y/N’s tummy, and suddenly a wub wub wub came over the tinny speaker of the machine. “There we are,” Dr. Layton smiled. “Very strong heartbeat.”

Spencer squeezed Y/N’s hand, and she felt the drop of a tear on her shoulder. She brought her other hand over to cover their tangled fingers, rubbing her thumb along the skin of his wrist and kissing his arm. 

Dr. Layton made a slightly perplexed humming sound, moving the wand again and losing the sound of the heartbeat, only to pick it up again— this time slightly faster. Y/N’s own heart stuttered a little as the doctor moved the wand again twice more, and then cleared her throat. “Is something— is everything okay?”

She turned to Y/N with a kind smile. “Yes, yes,” she confirmed, and then she raised her eyebrows. “Just— do you hear the difference?” 

Spencer tilted his head in consideration, drawing his brows together and straining to hear. The doctor shifted the wand once more, allowing them to hear the two distinct patterns. 

Two distinct patterns, Y/N realized. 

Dr. Layton pressed the wand a little more firmly into her abdomen, moved it just slightly. “Those are two different heartbeats.” She pointed to the screen. “And those are two different babies. There’s a matching set of Baby Reids in there.”

Y/N couldn’t stop her jaw from dropping. “Is there—” She turned to Spencer incredulously. “Do twins run in your family?”

He shook his head silently, eyes wide. “Yours?”

“Nope,” she squeaked. 

“This obviously changes things slightly,” Dr. Layton explained, cleaning up the residual gel. “I’d like to see you every three weeks rather than every four. Then at twenty eight weeks, we’ll see how we feel, okay?” 

She smiled gently as Y/N and Spencer nodded dumbly. She removed her gloves and stood. “I’m going to give you two a few minutes. I’ll be back with your photos in a bit, and we can talk about any questions you might have.”

The door closed behind her, and the room was bathed in silence. Y/N sat up carefully and swung her legs over the side of the examination table. She looked down at her tiny, unassuming bump and felt a tear slip over her lashes. 

“Are you— are you okay?” Spencer whispered. 

She brought her gaze to his, found them teeming with barely restrained joy and yet the ever-present worry. “Well,” she started. “I, um— I always imagined two kids.” She brought her hands up to her sweaty cheeks and held her own face between her palms. “I guess this is— you know— just a quicker way to get there.”

Spencer immediately wrapped her in a hug, pressing kisses over her hair, her forehead, her shocked mouth. “Two babies. We’re having two babies.”

“Twins, Spence,” she breathed. “Twins.”

He replaced her hands with his own, cradling her face and kissing her sweetly, sighing all of his joy and adoration into her mouth. “I love you. So much. The most.” He lowered himself to press his lips to her belly. “All of you.”

She used gentle hands in his hair to tilt his face up, meeting his smile with a watery one of her own. “We love you, too, baby daddy.”

She could see the gears turning as he stood, his hands coming to rest on her hips. “About that.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Yes?”

“Do you, um— how difficult do you think it would be to get everyone together this weekend?”

She paused. “You wanna get married this weekend?”

“Yeah, that’s probably too soon, huh?” He huffed out a sigh, then his eyebrows shot up. “Oh, what about next weekend?”

“That’s just as soon!” she laughed. 

He furrowed his brow. “No, it’s not. There's a seven day difference.”

“You’re really in a rush, huh?” she teased. 

“Well. I just— I figure you should really be on my insurance anyway,” he reasoned. “Especially now that it’s— now that it’s twins.”

“Mm, yes, I’m sure that’s the reason,” she grinned.

He let out a long breath, and she watched his eyes journey over her face— memorizing every curve and angle, every new wrinkle, every last inch of her. And she knew the reason. 

“I know it’s just a piece of paper,” he murmured. “It doesn’t really change anything, but…” He used gentle fingers to brush her hair back from her face. “I just… really want to be your husband.”

She took her own minute to memorize the way he looked in this moment: her fiancé, the father of her children, the best man she’d ever known, the absolute love of her life. And she knew her own reason. 

“The paper might not change anything,” she agreed. “But— you’ve changed everything.”

He squeezed her hips. “In a good way I hope.”

“The best way.” She brought her hands to his face, rubbing her thumbs along his cheeks. “The best way.”

He closed the distance between them to kiss her with all the honey and magic and reverence he always did. He broke away to lean his forehead against hers with all the warmth and devotion and love he always did. She sighed, and it was all joy and vulnerability and contentment like it always was. And she knew their reasons. 

She kissed him again, and then murmured against his lips, “You know I’m still gonna refer to you as baby daddy, right?”

The laugh erupted from his chest and wrapped itself around her heart, tying tight and secure— a shield, and a haven, and a refuge— keeping her safe from every terrible thing. 

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

…

O no! Love is an ever-fixed mark 

That looks on tempests and is never shaken; 

It is the star to every wandering bark, 

Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.

- William Shakespeare, Sonnet 116

———

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[queenshelby]

INTO SILENCE – PART SIX

A QUIET PLACE 2 FANFIC 

Featuring: Emmett x Reader x Others

Words: 3,335

Warnings: Pregnancy, Smut, Supernatural Themes, Angst, Illness

SPOILER WARNING – If you haven’t seen A Quiet Place Part 2, this part might have some spoilers!

***It’s a boy/girl****

After your encounter with Emmett’s brother, you were being processed by one of the female soldiers at the camp.

She asked you many questions, wanting to know whether you ever killed someone and why and whether you had been charged with any criminal offenses before the invasion.

She then went on to ask you some more personal questions, about your brothers and about the child you were carrying.

You explained to her that the baby was Emmett’s child and, just as you did, you broke out in tears. You knew that he might not survive his injuries and you were frightened, wanting to spend all the time you could with him, by his side.

You explained to the woman that Emmett had promised your father to get you and the baby to the camp safely so that his grandchild can have a better life. That’s why you made the journey.

After all that you had been through, you didn’t want to lose Emmett but you knew that his chances weren’t good. His brother had told you.

‘Listen, I think we are done here. You seem like an honest person Y/N. I would like to run some medical checks and then I will take you to the infirmary, alright?’ the woman suggested and you agreed with a quick a nod.

You followed the woman to the medical facilities where you saw Jackson sitting in the waiting room. There was no sight of Jonathan, Marie or Sean.

The woman then escorted you upstairs into a small dark room where she spoke to one of the nurses who had just arrived.

‘I cannot believe that you have medical staff here’ you said surprised and the nurse advised you that there are only one doctor and three nurses, one of whom was a vet nurse before the invasion.

‘I do have some training as a midwife, from before, so I was asked to have a look at you and your baby’ the woman then said with a warm smile before asking you to take a seat.

She proceeded to ask you about your medications and when you told her about them, she took in a sharp breath.

‘We don’t have any of these on site and your pregnancy…’ the woman went on to say and you interrupted her.

‘I know. I have enough medication until I am about 34 weeks. This was all I could find in the different pharmacies that I have visited’ you explained.

‘This is a high-risk pregnancy; you do understand this right?’ the woman then said and you nodded again.

‘Right. Does the father of the child know about your condition?’ she then went on to ask and you immediately broke out in tears again, shaking your head. You never told Emmett about your health  and how the pregnancy might affect you.

The woman inhaled sharply again before taking your blood pressure and conducting a general medical examination before disappearing into another room.

‘Now let’s look at the baby, shall we?’ the woman said as she returned, pushing an ultrasound machine into the room.

You were surprised by the equipment and the woman quickly explained that this was all they had, a simple machine.

You lifted up your shirt, exposing your small baby bump before you felt the cool jelly being squirted onto your stomach.

Together with the nurse, you looked at the screen of the ultrasound machine and there it was, your baby, wiggling around happily in your tummy.

The baby’s heartbeat was strong. You were about 17 weeks and, in so far as the nurse could tell, everything looked fantastic.

‘It is a little bit early and don’t quote me on this as I could be wrong, but do you want to know what you are having?’ the woman asked and you nodded eagerly, tears running down your face.

‘A boy…you are having a little boy’ the woman said pointing to the obvious little indication of the baby’s gender on the screen.

You thanked the nurse for her time and she was kind enough to print out a photo from the machine for you which you could take to the infirmary which was where you went next.

The nurse accompanied you downstairs and to the room where Emmett was in. He was in a coma and his breathing was supported by a simple oxygen machine.

You began to cry again as soon as you saw him, covered in large white bandages across his chest and right arm.

His left arm was hooked up to a blood transfusion and his brother sat next to him, starring across the room with empty eyes.

‘He’s having a transfusion?’ you asked surprised as Sean had earlier told you that they couldn’t determine Emmett’s blood group with the equipment they had available and that they had no o-negative blood left.

‘Your brothers have given blood. They are both o-negative, just like you’ Sean explained and you let out a sigh of relief.

‘So, he will be fine?’ you asked but Sean just shuck his shoulders. He couldn’t answer your question but, with the blood transfusion, his chances were much better than before.

‘We have put him on a blood transfusion and morphine. I am slowly lowering the dosage allowing him to regain consciousness, I guess. But he’s been out for a while, so I don’t know’ Sean explained.

‘Do you want me to take over?’ you asked and Sean nodded, explaining to you what you needed to do.

‘I know, I was half way through my medical degree before the invasion. I’ve got this’ you explained.

‘You will be a good resource for the camp then’ Sean said as he got up and let you take a seat next to Emmett.

You immediately leaned over Emmett, kissing his forehead and holding onto his hand as you sat down.

Your actions caught Sean by surprise. He still didn’t know what the relationship was between you and Emmett.

‘The baby…is it my brother’s?’ Sean asked carefully, not wanting to insult or upset you as you were clearly much younger than Emmett.

‘It’s boy and, yes, he is Emmett’s son’ you said with a warm smile.

‘I did not expect that’ Sean said surprised, causing you to chuckle as you wiped your tears away.

‘I love him so much and I need him to fight. We both do’ you said with a deep sigh before starting to cry again.

‘Well, he’s a fighter and now that I know that he’s got plenty to live for I have a good feeling’ Sean said as he handed you a tissue, causing you to nod and smile briefly. Sean thought that Emmett was on his own, having lost Nora and his son. But now, having a child with you, this changed everything.

Sean left shortly thereafter, allowing you some privacy with Emmett.

You adjusted his medication down as per the schedule and then began talking to him, telling him about his son inside of you and how strong he is. His heart was beating fast and he was growing well.

You loudly fantasised about what he might look like and how he will be smart and strong with Emmett’s blue eyes and full lips.

‘He needs you, Emmett. He needs his father. I need you too’ you whispered as you rested your head on the uninjured side of his chest.

Just as your head was resting against him, listening to his heartbeat, you could feel his arm besides you twitch gently.

You scooted up, sitting down and observing the movement of his arm and hand. One twitch was quickly followed by another.

‘Emmett?’ you asked as you could see his fingers move and listen to the sound of his breath change.

But he didn’t answer you and you held onto his hand tightly, his fingers moving slightly against your palms until, more suddenly, you could feel his hand grip onto one of yours.

‘Emmett’ you sobbed, hearing him take in a deep breath through the oxygen mask as if he was trying to get it off and away from his face.

Then his entire arm moved, his breathing became heavier and you could see that he was trying to reach for the mask but couldn’t quite get there himself.

You removed the mask quickly after ensuring that the oxygen monitor was still connected to his index finger and, as soon as you did, he let out a cough and inhaled sharply.

His eyes began to blink just as his breathing calmed back down and you caressed his face with both of your hands.

‘Emmett, please’ you whispered, your tears running down your face and onto his.

‘You are crying’ Emmett mumbled, barely auditable, as he felt a few of your tears run down his face and onto his lips.

‘Oh my god Emmett’ you cried, his words sending a smile across your face at the same time.

‘Don’t cry. It’s bad for the baby. He needs a happy mommy’ he mumbled, again barely audible as his arm reached for your back gently.

‘You know it’s a boy?’ you asked somewhat surprised, your smile widening.

‘Hmm yeah’ Emmett responded quietly as his eyes began to open very slowly, flickering open and shut.

‘You told me’ he mumbled, drowsy from the morphine and you couldn’t help but press your salty lips against his in a haste while your hands were still caressing his face gently.

‘I love you so fucking much, you know that?’ you asked, looking into his deep blue eyes as soon as your lips drifted apart.

‘I love you too’ Emmett whispered; his voice still strained.

He tried to move, but the pain was too intense and the machinery he was hooked up to prevented him.

‘I need to get your brother’ you said just before kissing him again, forgetting about being careful and causing Emmett to shriek in pain.

‘My brother?’ he asked quietly, still struggling to speak as his whole body was aching.

‘Yes, he is here. Your brother is here’ you smiled before giving him a kiss on his forehead and asking one of the others outside the room to get him for you.

As you were waiting for Sean, you told Emmett about the ultrasound and showed him the picture, causing him to smile for the first time and running his hand over your stomach.

***Recovery***

Emmett had spent about a week in the infirmary and today was the day where he could finally come home with you.

You had been assigned a small house within the community yesterday evening after spending the last few days in the community’s dorm facilities. It had three bedrooms and you were sharing it with your brothers, Marie and Emmett.

‘Well, we will get you cleaned up, I will dress your wounds again and then you are ready to go home’ the nurse said just as Emmett came back from the shower inside the medical facilities wearing the new pair of jeans his brother had given him.  

This was the first time you saw the extent of Emmett’s injuries after the sutures had been placed and his right arm and chest were heavily scared, featuring a total of eight large claw marks from the creatures.

‘Home?’ Emmett chuckled. He knew nothing about the houses and facilities inside the community.

‘Well, brother, I had a room all set up for you in our little house but Y/N here insists that you stay with her’ Sean joked as the doctor evaluated Emmett once more before discharging him from the infirmary.

‘House? You’ve got a fucking house?’ Emmett said with surprise.

‘So do you. It’s not much and you have to share it with Y/N, her brothers and Marie, but it is a house’ Sean explained, causing Emmett to raise his eyebrows in disbelieve.

‘We even have a bed, hot water and a really cool kitchen with an oven’ you said with excitement.

‘A bed and an oven?’ Emmett said, still somewhat surprised and you nodded.

‘And, I have gotten you a little welcome present’ Sean said just after Emmett’s wounds had been dressed and he put on a t-shirt.

‘A razor?’ Emmett chuckled, causing Sean to smirk and point at Emmett’s beard.

‘Yeah, we won’t be needing that, thanks’ you said, taking the razor out of Emmett’s hand and handing it back to Sean.

‘It is getting a bit grey though’ Emmett said, looking into the mirror besides the medicine cabinet.

‘The beard is staying Emmett. I like it’ you winked.

‘You’ve heard her. She’s the boss’ Emmett said to Sean before you made your way back to where you were going to live.

***Welcome Present***

‘Welcome home’ you smiled as Emmett took a quick look around the house.

‘Where are your brothers and Marie?’ Emmett asked, noticing the silence in the small house.

‘At work’ you smiled.

‘Work?’ he asked curiously, unsure what you meant by that.

‘Jackson is working with the animals the community keeps, Jonathan is fixing the plumbing and Marie is working at the local veggie patch’ you explained.

‘So, we are on our own?’ Emmett smirked and you nodded eagerly.

‘Good’ he said before crashing his lips on to yours without warning.

The kiss was uncontrolled, wildly passionate and wickedly wanton, making your toes curl. His lips were hot, his taste like sweet sin as your tongue curled around his, responding just as wildly. You heard his groan, felt him hard against your stomach almost instantly, pressing into your softness.

‘You should rest’ you murmured, as his mouth pulled from yours, blazing a trail of lust down your slender throat.

‘I’ve been resting in the infirmary for a fucking week now’ Emmett chuckled before his hands ran over your breasts and his lips began to trail down your neck.

‘Oh Emmett, I fucking missed this’ you whispered.

‘We’ve got a bed now, so we might as well use it’ Emmett said just as he nibbled on your neck gently.

‘Hmm sounds perfect’ you moaned, his fingers pulling at the tie of your cotton dress as you guided him to the bedroom.

He walked you backwards until your thighs touched the bed and your cotton dress pooled at your feet, leaving you only in white cotton panties. Emmett stepped back, his eyes roaming over your slender curves, lingering on the round fullness of your breasts and your small baby bump.

In a haste, Emmett got undressed, ignoring the tenderness of his wounds before walking towards you, pressing his body against yours.

He groaned at the way you felt, your soft breasts pressing into his chest, his cock rubbing against the yielding flesh just beneath your stomach.

‘Touch me Emmett, please’ you begged, desperate for his touch. It has been so long.

‘Lie down’ he instructed, a smile running over his face and you complied with his request almost instantly.

His hands immediately found your legs, starting at your ankles, rubbing upward with gentle strokes. His fingers then found the sensitive flesh behind your knees, caressing you with tender touches. He bent his head, his lips finding the soft skin of your inner knee, moving upward until your legs were parted, his hands holding your thighs.

Then, finally, he hooked both of his index fingers into the hem of your cotton panties and pulled them down swiftly.

Before you knew it, one of his fingers stroked through your wetness, playing around your slick, yearning opening, teasing you with tiny flicks of his finger against the hard nub of your clit. Your body twisted under his hands, your fingers twining into the soft coverlet beneath your naked flesh. Emmett heard your whimpers and tiny cries, let them wash over him as the pleasure he created washed over you.

He bent his head, his lips traveling towards your treasure until, finally, his tongue lapped at your sweet folds, pulling and suckling on your inner lips before finding your clit. He sucked gently upon the hard bud of nerves, listening as you keened your pleasure, the wet spendings that told of your ecstasy flooding his mouth.

‘I am glad I didn’t let you shave this beard off’ you moaned as you could feel the tingling from his soft hair in between your legs.

Emmett smiled against your mound as he continued to lick you, making love to you with his tongue.

Your hands were in his hair, your eyes closed, your face twisted in a grimace as he brought you to climax.

‘Oh god Emmett, yes’ you moaned loudly as your legs began to quiver almost instantly and you approached your high. There was no reason to stay quiet and you came louder than you ever did before.

‘Fuck’ Emmett growled, turned on by your moans as he kissed his way back up your body gently and it didn’t take him long to line himself up with your entrance, desperate to feel you.

He could feel the heat of your wetness against his cock and you cried out as he finally pushed in to you, stretching you so wonderfully, filling you slowly until you thought you’d go mad with the sensations.

Your hands caressed his chest gently, stroked his back and then slid down to his slowly moving buttocks and slipped over them.

Your mind was spinning with the pleasure he was thrusting into you, growling much louder than usual.

You could smell the scent of his skin mixed with the heady scent of arousal and sex that permeated the room.

Your body moved under him, your hands grasping and holding him, feeling your need spiral until you were jerking up against him, your legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him even tighter. His lips found your, his tongue a wild flame inside your mouth and then he pulled away again, his eyes glittering as he stared down at you.

Emmett thrusted inside you, his cock plundering your depths even as you pushed against him. He heard the keening cry, felt your velvety wet sheath contract around him, the muscles milking his cock. Your hands were claws, your nails digging half moon welts into his back.

‘Oh my god Emmett, keep going, fuck yes’ you moaned as you could feel another climax approach you hard and fast and, just as you came, pleasure engulfed him too. Relief flooded him as he felt his cock swell and then rope after rope of hot cum shot deep inside of you. He held himself rigid above you, his body shaking with tension as he emptied himself.

And then he collapsed, barely holding his weight off you. His arms shook, his eyes closed as he tried to catch his breath and calm the racing of his heart.

‘Are you alright?’ you asked, worried that Emmett may have pulled a stitch or two.

‘Yes, I am now’ he chuckled as he lifted his head, feeling your hands stroking slowly down his back, gently, tenderly holding him.

‘Uhm, next time close the door’ you suddenly heard Jonathan say as he walked past. He still felt somewhat freaked out by the fact that you were involved with Emmett.

‘Sorry, it’s just…the heat of the moment you know’ you yelled out before scooting beneath the doona with Emmett.

‘That is so fucking disgusting. I don’t want to hear about it’ Jonathan said with a laugh before welcoming Emmett home.

But the security and comfort you were both feeling wasn’t meant to last very long and you knew that you had to talk with Emmett about your medical condition and the pregnancy, preparing him for the inevitable.

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[amaya-chwan]

Takeaways from Therapy Game Restart 14 + Illustration Book Release Date

Hello again everyone! ❤️💛💜

It's finally here... chapter 14! In all its glory! 😍🥰✨

Before we get to our takeaways, just some news I missed in the last post!

🎉 SENSEI'S ILLUSTRATION BOOK WILL BE RELEASED AROUND THURSDAY, 23RD SEPTEMBER! 🎉

Image taken from this Twitter post from Dear+!

It is titled "日ノ原巡イラスト集　DARLING" and boasts a collection of illustrations from Sensei's works so far: Secret XXX, Therapy Game, and Kamisama no Uroko.

The current price is ¥2970 with tax (¥2700 without tax). If you'd like to preorder it on your proxy shopping service, I've found it on the Comi Comi Studios website here! The bonus for purchasing it on this website is a B5 clear file~ I haven't seen it on Animate just yet, so fingers crossed it'll appear on their website soon with another (different) bonus! ❤️💛

Alright, with this amazing news done, let's move onto our takeaways, the long awaited takeaways! Thank you for being so patient with me! 💜

My short life update: currently in week 8 of lockdown and I haven't left my house in a long time other than for exercise or groceries. But I do have my vaccination appointment booked so YAY! 🎉

Here are our takeaways for this chapter:

Oh man, we pick right up from the last page of chapter 13. MINATO, BB, YOU LOOK SO PAINED! 😭

Sensei is the BIGGEST tease... that's all we got of that Minato and Shizuma scene...👀😭

The female staff at the veterinary hospital have really mellowed out! They're not bad, after all. ☺️

Oh dear, Nakajou-sensei, please get better ASAP!

Whoa... did Onodera just...?? I'm starting to think back to that Onodera discussion we had a couple of months ago... 🤔

Poor Shizuma, always roped into Onodera's workplace stuff! IT'S BECAUSE YOU HAVE GREAT PEOPLE SKILLS, SHIZUMA! PROUD OF YOU! 😍🙌

Man, Onodera has a really... blunt way of saying things to her human clients. Wow, brave. 😲

But I will say, Onodera really is good with animals. 🙌

Yet again, I think about that Onodera discussion we had... 🤔🤔

And that’s it for this chapter’s takeaways! For a more detailed breakdown/summary of this chapter, please continue after the cut! There may or may not be a surprise scene (or two) there. Please keep reading if you want to see~  😉✨

Our chapter begins where we left off in chapter 13--Minato pinning Shizuma down on the bed. Shizuma looks up at Minato and reflects on his actions that caused the pained look he is seeing.

Image taken from this Dear+ Twitter post!

On the next page (title page), the dialogue reads: Shizuma wants to understand what it is about his director (Onodera) that is making Minato uneasy. // However, that beautiful liar hides it well...

(I believe we are taken back to the morning before Shizuma and Minato meet up for their date.)

The title page features Onodera walking back to the clinic, bread in hand, with a cat cozying up on her leg. We are then brought to the clinic's lunchroom, with the female staff and Shizuma on break. The roster in the room shows that Onodera is extremely busy, Nakajou-sensei has afternoon house call appointments, Tatsumi is Nakajou-sensei's support for these appointments, and Shizuma has a half day and finishes in the afternoon in lieu of working on his scheduled day off.

Shizuma asks his coworkers what presents they like from their partners and takes note of their answers. One of the female nurses asks if it's Minato's birthday. Shizuma confesses that their relationship has been affected by the various things happening lately, so he wants to get Minato a gift before seeing him later that day.

The nurses quickly pick up that the gift is a "tribute" of sorts as this line of work means a lot of missed appointments and dates, and Shizuma confirms their suspicions. While the nurses realise male-male relationships and male-female relationships aren't that different in this aspect, everyone in the lunchroom is alerted to someone shouting Nakajou-sensei's name.

Shizuma and a nurse see Tatsumi with Nakajou-sensei, who has collapsed on the floor. While the staff are concerned about Nakajou's well-being, she brushes it off as a dizzy spell. Before they can help her up, Onodera sweeps her off her feet and carries Nakajou to her (Onodera's) office. While Nakajou asks Onodera to put her down out of sheer embarrassment, Shizuma and Tatsumi are in shock, with Tatsumi commenting on Onodera's manliness in that moment. One of the other nurses gently smacks Shizuma's shoulder and tells the two to grab a blanket and a drink for Nakajou.

In her office, Onodera asks Nakajou why she's been overworking herself to the point of collapsing. The nurse (who gave the gentle smack) very obviously hints to Onodera that it is her fault. As Nakajou calms the nurse by saying that's just how the director is, Tatsumi asks Nakajou about their afternoon appointments. She says she'll be fine to go after a little rest, but the nurse says she mustn't overexert herself.

After a few back and forths about who should go and the clients' needs/personality (picky about the vet, had a pet that doesn't like men, etc), Onodera says she will go. The nurses are shocked and reminisce about all the issues they've had when Onodera interacts with the owners. Tatsumi and Shizuma stand there, and can very clearly imagine those situations happening.

While Onodera rearranges and informs the nurses of the shift changes to accommodate Nakajou-sensei, Shizuma has a terrible premonition that unfortunately comes true: he is appointed as Onodera's support for the afternoon house calls.

Wearing a sulky expression, Shizuma packs the necessary equipment in Onodera's car and reminds her that he has a very important engagement that night that he cannot miss, and as such will leave immediately after the house call appointments are done. Onodera bursts his bubble, and tells him to give up on those plans while he can since this is the line of work he's chosen.

As Shizuma reads the client files, he questions Onodera on why he is her support when he's never attended to these clients before. While Onodera tells him that good coordination is important with a physician's support and that he's the only one she can rely on to give her an honest opinion and calm the clients, Shizuma realises that he's basically the mediator between her and the owners. She confirms that this is his strong point, has great expectations for him, and proceeds to drive. Shizuma then reads the patient files at lightning speed, realising there's a threatening 'something' that Minato has sensed, but that's just how the director is. He then vows to make it to their meeting tonight, no matter what.

The first three house calls, as expected, involve Onodera insulting and angering the owners--Onodera tells the first client that his insistence on seeing Nakajou rather than a 'young' director is having a negative effect on his pet who needs immediate medical care; Onodera offends the second client, inferring from their conversation that her pet's appearance is more important than the need to shave their fur and get an ultrasound done; Onodera accuses the third client of being irresponsible in caring for his exotic animals and asks for more effort on his part. In all three scenarios, Shizuma awkwardly smiles while trying to ease the tension.

The scene skips to Onodera and Shizuma arriving at their fourth and final house call for the day. Just as Onodera explains to Shizuma that she must check a whole host of things at house calls (and indirectly be too blunt about it with the owners), Shizuma asks her to consider the owner's feelings and change when and how she says things. She glares ahead in silence, and Shizuma is just glad that she is now aware of it. He again reminds her to talk with the owner nicely and gently as he probably won't be able to help with the next client as their pet dislikes men. Onodera tells him to just sit in the corner and witness the client become furious while he doesn't help, making him feel slightly guilty for saying that. He is now adament on not helping her.

They reach the owner's home and we meet an elderly woman named Shiratori and her 9-year-old male cat, Tono. Shiratori apologises to Shizuma as her cat doesn't like men. Tono hisses at them as Onodera opens his cage, but is then coaxed into submission by Onodera who covers his vision with a towel and takes him into her lap to calm down. Shiratori and Shizuma are surprised at his sudden docile nature, with Shizuma witnessing how well she deals with animals.

As Shizuma looks on at Onodera while she completes a check on Tono, he sees she is crumbling at the friendliness and talkative nature of Shiratori, who sings nothing but praise for Onodera and how her family must be proud to have such an amazing daughter. Aiming to ease her troubles and remembering the earlier guilt-trip she gave him, he redirects Shiratori's attention to her broken fly screen and offers to fix that plus everything else that needs repair in her home.

Onodera watches as the two leave the room for a bit before apologising to Tono for ignoring him. Tono looks on at Onodera happily while she asks him how he can live with such a lively human and to tell her his secret to this. She brings him into her arms once more to check his limbs, and as Tono looks up smiling at Onodera, Onodera sees her reflection in Tono's eyes, and both seem to realise something.

BG Text: Stare...

Suddenly, Shizuma and Shiratori, who are busy fixing the window, hear a loud crash and rush into the room to find Tono atop the cabinet and Onodera on the floor, with her hair in disarray. In the next panel, Tono is shown to be hiding in the bookshelf, looking on irritatingly at the humans. Shiratori apologises to Onodera, who shakes it off and says it's nothing to worry about and no harm's been done.

Shiratori asks if Onodera will fix/tie her hair up again, but when Onodera says her hair tie was broken when Tono used her as a launchpad to get on the cabinet, Shiratori runs to get her a new one. As Shiratori gushes over the 3 piece dopey looking character hair tie set she received as a present from her grandchild (and lets Onodera pick one), a greatly displeased look is plastered on Onodera's face. Shizuma, in shock, notices her displeasure and hopes she just thanks Shiratori for it. And Onodera does, bringing a great big smile to Shiratori's face.

As Onodera and Shizuma leave, Shiratori says she's glad to have talked with Onodera and invites her to come over again. As she says this, we see Onodera looking back with a blank look in her eyes.

And that’s it for this chapter! THANK YOU FOR READING THIS FAR! 💜 While I was surprised at the lack of Minato in this chapter (Sensei legit is such a tease, LOL 🤣), I'm happy we can learn more about Onodera. Ngl, I'm starting to really question if Onodera is male or female now, given what transpired in this chapter. I guess we shall see in the next one!

I also changed the formatting a bit and removed the bullet points. Please let me know which format is better/easier to read! Ahah!

EDIT: Spelling and grammar checks are done! Didn't change a lot, but hope it reads better! 💜

📢 As always, please support Hinohara-sensei by purchasing her books and CDs! 📢

And please also refrain from resharing these translations and images outside of this post! Thank you for understanding! ❤️💛

There won't be a chapter in next month's (September release) Dear+, so I shall see you in two months for the next chapter (Dear+ November Issue, to be released in October).

As always, stay safe during these turbulent times and look out for each other and for your loved ones! 💜❤️💛

[cocosstories]

Chris Evans One Shot

Can I get a Chris Evans or Sebastian Stan one shot where the reader finds out she’s pregnant (maybe she ends up in the hospital for some severe pain where she’s in active labor) despite both being told they can’t have kids?

Your day started out pretty normal, you and your husband Chris woke up, you making coffee while he takes Dodger out then you eat breakfast together.

After breakfast you had climbed back in bed and Chris comes in worried.

"Babe? You alright?"

He asks, sitting next to you, placing a hand on your forehead.

"Yeah, I think it just may be that time of the month or something. These cramps are horrible."

You reply, reaching for the bottle of aspirin next to the bed.

"How about I grab the heating pad for you and then we can just have a lazy day?"

He offers and you nod with a small smile.

Once Chris has you all set up, he gets back in bed with you and turns on the TV while you lay, willing the pain to go away. 

A few hours later and still, there was no relief to be had.

"It's no better?"

He asks and you shake your head.

"If anything, it's worse. I've never had cramps this bad, especially not when my period hasn't even started."

You reply while tears form in your eyes. 

Chris watches you closely for the next hour, wondering if he should force you to see a doctor. 

"OW"

You sit up quickly and hold your stomach, feeling a massive cramp throughout your whole abdomen.

"That's it. We're going to the hospital."

He says, picking you up in his arms and carrying you out to the car, you in too much pain to fight. 

"Sir? Can I help you?"

The charge nurse asks when Chris carries you into the ER.

"My wife. Something is wrong. She is in a lot of pain."

He tells her and she leads the two of you towards an exam room. 

After getting your vitals and as much information as she can gather from a hysterical Chris, the nurse leaves to find a doctor.

"Chris, what is happening?"

You cry out in more pain.

"I don't know baby but they will figure it out."

He says, stroking your hair, trying not to think of the worst possible scenario.

The doctor comes a few minutes later and begins his exam, ruling out a few things before he has a thought.

"Mrs. Evans, is there any possibility you could be pregnant?"

You shake your head. 

"We had been trying for two years to get pregnant and we were told it probably would never happen."

Chris explains sadly. 

"Well, probably isn't definitely and Mr. And Mrs. Evans, you're pregnant."

The doctor says after beginning an ultrasound.

He turns the screen and you and Chris look in shock and amazement at it. 

"So the pain? Is she losing the baby?"

Chris asks, suddenly remembering why you were there. 

"No. The baby is healthy. Strong heartbeat. Your wife is in labor."

The doctor says.

"How is that possible? I haven't had any signs of pregnancy. Sure I've gained a little weight but we were in quarantine and eating all the time."

You say, still in shock.

"Well, according to my measurements, this baby is about thirty eight weeks and ready to meet it's mommy and daddy. Lets get you up to maternity."

The doctor replies before leaving the room for a moment.

"A-a baby? We're having a baby?"

You say, tears streaming down your face. 

"How did I not even know? I didn't do anything I was supposed to. What if the baby is sick? I didn't take prenatal vitamins. I drank beer."

"Shhh shh babe its ok. Everything is going to be alright."

Chris holds you as best as he can with you laying in a hospital bed. 

"Whatever happens, we will love this baby. If it is sick, we will deal with it because it is our child."

For the first time, Chris places his hand on your small belly. 

"We are having a baby. We've wanted this for so long and maybe it wasn't exactly how we thought it would happen but our baby is going to be born today. Focus on that."

He says with a teary smile just as a nurse comes to take you to maternity.

"Alright, Mrs. Evans, lets see how dilated you are."

Half an hour later, you are settled in a room and the O.B. comes in. 

Chris holds your hand as the doctor checks you out.

"Looks like we need to set up for delivery, you are ready to push."

She smiles and you look up to Chris. 

"Already?"

You ask, terrified.

"I know all of this is a shock for you and you are still getting used to the idea of having a baby but your little one is ready to join the world."

As they get you ready, the doctor tries to calm you.

"Ok, lets have a baby."

It took nearly an hour but with one final push, your baby was out and wailing.

"It's a boy!"

The doctor announces before quickly cutting the cord and taking the infant over to be looked at while you and Chris watch and wait for news.

"He is perfectly healthy."

She says a few minutes later bringing the newborn over to you. 

"Hey, little man."

Chris says in awe of the tiny human the two of you had made. 

"We have a son."

You cry, still in utter disbelief that you began the day not even knowing you were pregnant and you were now ending it, having just given birth to the baby doctors told you, you would never have.

[young-dumb-and-vaccinated]

Cult Girl: Doctorate (Hannibal x Female!Reader) pt. 9

Fun fact: when I was like eight I got an ultrasound done on my chest because of some non-descript heart anomaly. Got to miss a day of school and everything. 

Anyway, on the day of cult girl’s twenty week anatomy scan, Hannibal has second thoughts about putting the baby up for adoption.

@wisesandwichshark

Trigger warnings: pregnancy and lactation, medical examination

It was a small victory, but a much-needed one.

You kept in close touch with Max and Archie over the next few, crucial weeks. Before you knew it, your first trimester ended. You tried your best to push all worries about your rapidly changing body aside, in favor of your studies. To a point, it worked. You cranked out a few research papers and kept up on your reading, but not as efficiently as you may have wanted. Your body was operating at 100% all the time and you felt like an overheated laptop with the fan running at top speed.

The morning of your twenty-week checkup arrived far quicker than you hoped. You were noticeably pregnant, having put on a good ten extra pounds to support your passenger.

Your phone alarm sounded, telling you to greet the day. You'd been in and out of an uncomfortable state of half-consciousness all night.

"Good morning, my goddess." Hannibal cooed in his admittedly very sexy morning voice. He turned on his side and faced you.

Seeing him with bedhead was definitely the best part of waking up. But the delight quickly faded when you tried to turn on your side and realized you couldn't. You plopped back onto your back, seriously considering if any amount of money was worth this.

"Don't patronize me." You pouted, folding your arms.

"Patronize you?" He chuckled, pulling you into him. "Now why on earth would I do that?"

He cupped your head in his hand and stroked your cheek. "The most divine woman in the world is carrying my baby."

Before you could say anything, he brought his lips to yours. His other hand ran down your body, tracing the outline of your firm, round belly.

"And what an honor-" He whispered, weaving his fingers through your hair. "To have Venus herself descend from Olympia to carry my child."

You didn't want to unpack what he was saying. All you knew was you liked it. Your aches seemed to melt away under his touch and your worries dissipated with every word.

"My breasts are so swollen and heavy." You complained. "And they ache so much."

"Is that so?" Hannibal smiled hungrily and propped himself up on his elbows above you. "Well, what is to be done about that, Mrs. Lecter?"

You unbuttoned your pajama shirt, revealing your significantly larger breasts. You blushed and instinctively covered yourself.

Hannibal chuckled and effortlessly pulled your hands off your chest. He lowered his face to where your neck meets your shoulder and took a deep breath in. A pair of warm, gentle hands cupped your breasts.

"You're starting to produce." He observed, a little smile creeping on his face.

Before you could really register what he meant by that, his thumb began to stimulate your swollen nipple. A small drop of milk leaked out, dampening his finger. All you could do was turn red and whimper in embarrassment.

He brought his finger to his lips and tasted it.

"It's a bit thin, but my goodness, it's sweet." He said, as nonchalantly as if he were sampling ice cream.

"Only the best for our baby." You said.

That caught him off guard in the best way. Whether you were playing along or feeling genuinely maternal, he didn't care. He wasn't going to pass up an opportunity to gratify his crippling desire to feel like a father.

"Fuck, [F/N]." He cursed, looking at your protruding belly with awe. Not awe, but worship.

He cleared his throat, chasing away any strong emotions he may have let reveal themselves. "Never mind. Let's get ready to go to the doctor."

You swung your legs over the bed. "What's wrong?"

"Absolutely nothing, my darling." Hannibal said, lying professionally. "Everything is wonderful."

You push yourself to your feet and follow him into the bathroom. "Hannibal, please."

He turned around and leaned against the sink. "It's nothing that concerns you, love. Don't worry about it."

You folded your arms. "You don’t need to be a doctoral candidate to recognize deflection."

"So you don't." Hannibal said. "Darling, please understand that I have your best interests at heart. Even if it is at the expense of my desires."

"I see what this is." You nodded. "You want to keep the baby, don't you?"

"I didn't know how much I wanted a child until now." He admitted.

"But you know the emotional and physical toll it'll take on me." You finished.

"I don't know, actually." He corrected, face contorting with frustration. "Thus the basis of my hesitation. There are so many facets of life that can be molded to one's liking, but parenting-"

"I get it." You sighed. "So many things could go wrong, or right, and either way it would throw me off track."

"If I could relieve you of all of the burden of parenting this child, allowing you to step away and finish your schooling unfettered with domestic duties, I would." He said. "But if we're being honest, it's not like you would let me."

"Ruth Bader Ginsburg studied law at Harvard while taking care of a baby." You offered. "And her sick husband."

"I have no doubts in my mind that it is possible, nor that you're capable, darling." He assured you. "But I would never forgive myself if I let you burn yourself out before you even get a chance to take off."

"Okay, look." You took a deep breath. "Let's see what the obstetrician says, assess the risks, weigh the pros and cons and talk to Max and Archie. We will figure this out."

You were counting on the assumption that going for your twenty-week checkup would scare you out of any desires to keep the baby. They often did. The more time you spent with an ultrasound wand in your vagina, the more you became convinced that you'd become implanted with an alien parasite determined to destroy you from the inside.

"Good morning, Dr. And Mrs. Lecter." The obstetrician greeted you as she always did. You hadn't bothered to correct her to save yourself an awkward conversation. "Here for our twenty-week ultrasound, are we?"

"No, I'm here for the taco truck in the parking lot." You said, half-jokingly. The other half was thinking about tacos. "I just thought I'd lay down on this surgical table for fun."

"Good to see you're still hanging on to your sense of humor, [F/N]." She smirked. "Should we take a look under the hood?"

You fought the overwhelming urge to smack your belly like a car salesmen and say "this bad boy can fit so many fetuses in it". But given that there was only one fetus, that would be inaccurate.

The doctor emptied a tube of extra-freezing gel onto your stomach and readied the ultrasound wand. "Have you been feeling any kicks, Mrs. Lecter?"

You shrugged. "Maybe? I wouldn't know what that would feel like so I don't know."

She smiled warmly. "Trust me, you'll know. But don't worry about it. First pregnancies tend to take their time. When you have your next children, it will happen much faster."

"I think you mean," Hannibal said, voice hardening. "If she decides to have more children. Let's not be presumptuous."

The doctor noticed her mistake. "My apologies, Mrs. Lecter. I didn't mean to assume."

You kept your eyes on Hannibal, too afraid to look at the screen as the doctor searched around for a clear image. 

“Oh my goodness, here it is!” She exclaimed with an ear-to-ear grin. 

It took you a minute to make out exactly what she was pointing to. It looked more like a fucked-up Rorschach test than anything resembling a person. You didn't want to say it out loud, but she sensed your confusion.

"This big round part is the head." She said, pointing to the opposite end of the screen. "There's its spine, and there are its little hands and feet."

It hit you all at once. There was a person growing inside of you. And it had limbs, bones and a brain. You finally had the answer to the question "how did something come from nothing". It was right there in front of you.

"Wow." You said, dumbfounded. "My body made that?"

"Amazing, isn't it?" The doctor smiled, clearly still as enamored with her job as she was on day one.

"And it made that without my brain even thinking about it." You continued, trying not to go into a ramble. "That's actually pretty insane."

"I told you that you're a goddess." Hannibal whispered into your ear. "My divine feminine."

"Would you like to know the sex?" She asked. 

“Sure.” You said, without really thinking about it. You looked back at Hannibal, who seemed pretty indifferent too. 

“Congratulations, you’re having a girl.” 

[mctwcsty]

What Do I Do?

@sxtanshepherd​​ paged Meredith Grey

Hello?

Hi, is he in the lab?

What?

I know this is Derek Shepherd’s phone, who is this? Who is this? Who is this.

Hello.

     SIX MONTHS. Six months had passed already since Derek had left for D.C. to run the brain mapping project for the President. Six months of running their life and home alone in Seattle. Of taking the kids to school every other morning, picking them up every other night, the rest of them thankfully handled by Lynn, the nanny Meredith had found to help her out with them. Because her husband was off to Washington to take his career to the next level while she had stayed put in Seattle with their kids, which was her choice and she had taken responsibility for it. She still ran her department, alongside Bailey, and she was still working on her research. She was doing it all. She was exhausted, running on little sleep and a lot of caffeine, but she was doing it.

     She was doing it all until a small detail added in, a change of scenery she had not seen coming. A unplanned turn of events that made doing it all by herself a little less possible: she was pregnant. And the best part was, she had just found out. Right in the middle of a surgery, a feeling that had taken her breath away, a pressure in her lower back and a movement. Thing was, she recognized it because she had felt it before. What she did not understand was how was it possible. And then she had the resident close and rushed out, straight to OB, all the while calculating when her last period was, the days and the weeks adding up leaving her running her way up to OB and throwing herself in the nearest room with a monitor, self-examining herself until the OB came in and shut the door, offering to help. 24 weeks. She had not been showing, she still was not. Her stomach was flat, the way the baby was located left her bumpless, even though she had been pregnant before. Those cases happened, it was not out of the ordinary, and the baby was healthy. She was 24 weeks pregnant and practically a single-mother of two, soon three children, her husband was across the states and they barely managed to talk here and there because of their irregular schedules and they were going to have another baby.

     She had sat by the phone that night, after putting the kids down to bed, staring at her phone screen, unable to pick it up. She could feel it now, she could feel the baby moving inside of her. It was moving, it had a heartbeat, it had arms and legs and fingers and toes, ears, eyes, a mouth and a nose, hell it even had hair at that point and she was freaking out. And Derek was not there. She was all alone. She knew she had to pick up that phone and call him, but she could not bring herself to do it. She did not want to tell him they were going to have another baby over the phone? And yet she had to. She forced herself and picked up that phone, tapped on his contact and rang his cell. She leaned back in the couch and waited, hearing the ringtone incessantly ringing, her stomach in knots, just hoping he would pick up. They rarely caught each other, he often called while she was in surgery and she often called when he was in the lab and away from his phone. But the ringing stopped, he picked up. Or at least someone did.

“Hello?”   “Hi, is he in the lab?”   “What?”   “I know this is Derek Shepherd’s phone, who is this?” “Who is this? Who is this.” “Hello.”

Well if you keep answering his phone, at least you could have the decency  to tell me who the hell you are. Where the hell is my husband?

     EIGHT MONTHS. 34 weeks, to be more precise. At least from her calculations since their last sexual encounter, which was about their last actual general encounter - the day before he had left for D.C. - he had never returned to Seattle since, and the measurements of the foetus from her last ultrasound, she measured at about 34 weeks. Exactly ten weeks since that phone call. Not a day went by that she did not think or analyze that phone call, especially because the rare times Derek and her managed to reach other on the phone, he never said anything about it, about any woman answering his phone. She had not told anyone about it, not even Alex. Because saying it out loud made it real, and the truth was, she could not bare for it to be. The idea that she had become the woman who wonders if that woman on the phone was the woman who had been screwing her husband, she could not be that woman. She could not have gone from the woman screwing the married guy, to the woman whose husband is screwing another woman. Not after everything, not after spending literally the past eight months handling everything alone and keeping the boat afloat, and growing that husband’s child in her belly.

     She was sitting in the attending’s lounge, the empty lounge with the big couch where she had come to rest her feet as they were killing her. It had been about four weeks now since she had started showing, and she had been telling everyone that Derek knew, but the truth was, he had no idea. He did not know she was pregnant yet. Over two months and she had not told him. Because the rare times where they had managed to actually get a hold of each other on the phone, she had let the kids speak to him because they missed him terribly, and then he was either rushing back to the lab or was off to some meeting with the President. He did not even know she was pregnant, because he was halfway across their world, busy making his career count while she was back home, keeping it all together, alone. And he was not even seeing it. 

     But Zola had almost spilled it once over a call, thankfully she had caught it in time and spared an awkward way for Derek to find out, and selfishly she did not want him to know until she felt it was the right moment to have the conversation... the whole conversation. She knew she had to tell him. And so she had decided to do it. After all, she was only a few weeks away from her due date. It sure had flew by way quicker than any pregnancy usually would, especially with everything she had going on, but also because she had only just found out and half the pregnancy was done, it would certainly be a shock for him, but she knew he loved their kids and she was convinced he would be excited, deep down. It would be a shock, but he would be excited. At least she convinced herself of that as she picked up the phone and called him on his cell, then brought the phone to her ear, repeating herself those words again and again and again as the tone rang a while. She was sure she would fall on his voicemail and was about to hang up, but the line picked up. 

“Hello?”

     That voice again. It literally sent chills up her spine because she knew. That was not some secretary, or some random woman finding a lost phone and picking it up. This was not a coincidence or an accident. It had been two months, and she still answered his phone. And all Meredith could think about was the fact that she never answered her husband’s phone, at least not until they were actually married and it had happened on rare occasions. She felt the blood in her veins turning to ice and like something was wrapping tightly around her body, suffocating her. She managed to swallow through her tightened throat and speak up. “Well if you keep answering his phone, at least you could have the decency to tell me who the hell you are.” She snapped, pausing a moment before adding, “Where the hell is my husband?”

     The woman hung up. Again. Meredith’s hand fell on the couch and she stared straight ahead, her heart dropping in her chest. It felt like her whole world had just collapsed around her. Shattering, into billions of pieces. Ten weeks of tossing so many questions around her mind, but every time shutting them out because no, Derek would not do that. The he loves me and he loves our family and we’ve been through too much for this to happen - she had told herself it all. But the woman answered his phone again, and hung up, again. 

     The next day, she had called Alex and within ten minutes he ended up at her front door. She told him Derek did not know about the pregnancy, told him about that previous phone call, and then the one from the previous night. Convinced him not to hunt Derek down for her in a trip to D.C. or to give him hell in any type of way. She tried to ring Derek’s phone again throughout the day, every time winding up on his voicemail, until she stopped calling. Maggie and Callie both tried to convince her that he could not be cheating, while at the same time understanding the way she felt. Callie offered to go find him in D.C. but Meredith turned the offer down. She did not want any of them to contact him. She had made the decision to stop contacting him, that he would have to contact her, and she made all of them swear to not try to call him, to respect her request and to above all not tell him about the pregnancy. 

     And within the next 24 hours, what Meredith thought were simply Braxton Hicks turned out to be pre-term labor. Thankfully she had been in the hospital when it started and Alex had forced her to get checked out, and her water had broke on the OB table. Everything else from that point forward went extremely fast, she was dilated at three and within two hours was fully dilated and ready to push, so grateful that she would not need C-section because that had been hell the first time, and the last thing she needed on top of everything was a post-partum C-section recovery. The baby was born within the next ten minutes, a little girl, and Meredith ordered Alex to go with her to the NICU and to not leave her side, as well as ordered everybody not to call Derek, or she would kill them. Literally. 

     The baby stayed a week in the NICU, but was thankfully perfectly healthy and Alex had kept her in a few extra days just to be sure, also hoping that Meredith might change her mind in the mean time and give Derek a call. But she was strong-headed and when she made a decision, she made it firmly. The worst part was, Derek had not even called once since that day. Not once. Meredith was done. She was done trying to keep their family together, done doing everything to make him still be the good guy when he did not have the decency to at least show her enough respect to call her back. She was done. She was exhausted, heartbroken, she felt like dying literally, but she was done. She would not be her mother, this would not destroy her.

     And so when she made it home, Alex having insisted on taking her home himself, Amelia and Maggie waiting for her with Zola and Bailey and a Welcome Home! banner that the kids had made, just stepping into the house had paralyzed her. It was a house, but it was no longer home. She did not feel home anymore in that house. She was suffocating. Being around the house that Derek had built them for their family, it was suffocating. 

     Ever since coming home, actually ever since that first phone call, there was only one person she could not get out of her mind. And for those ten weeks she had desperately tried to toss away, as all the questions and interrogations spinning around in her mind. But that night, after that phone call, she could not get her out of her head. And standing in that house, it was all she could think about. And so while Amelia was off to the bathroom, Maggie putting Zola and Bailey down for the night, Alex had ran out to get them dinner, Meredith stole Amelia’s phone that she had left on the low table in the living room and entered her password that she secretly knew, and she searched for a specific contact, and a specific address. 

     Came night time, Meredith had ordered everyone to leave her be for the night, said she needed her space and to figure things out alone. Alex had promised to be at her door at 7 sharp for breakfast and to take the kids to school and daycare, Maggie promising to come by to help out with the baby and Amelia offering to help if Meredith needed it. The minute they were all gone and she found herself alone at the house, she went to her room while the baby napped in the bassinet, pulled out a bag and filled it with some of her clothes, then she quietly went into Zola’s room and grabbed some of her clothes, then some of Bailey’s, grabbed diapers and bottles from the kitchen counter. Thankfully the diaper bag was freshly packed so she had everything she needed for the baby in there. She packed all their stuff within twenty minutes, and as she found herself standing in the middle of the living room, seeing all the packed up bags, she felt like she could breathe a little better. She nodded to herself and pulled what was left of energy in her, called a cab and then went to wake the kids. She left them in their PJs and just threw a coat over them, put their shoes on, got the baby in the carseat and got them all outside. She stopped at the door and turned around to take one last look at the house, feeling completely numb as she shut all the lights, then turned back around and headed out of the house, closing the door behind her and locking it. She then slid the key out of her keyset and left it under the mat on the front porch, and turned around just in time for the cab to pull in the drive way.

     Meredith got to the airport and bought three tickets for herself and the two oldest kids, and within the next hour they were off on a plane to Los Angeles. Sitting in that plane alone with her two oldest kids and a newborn in her arms was not quite what Meredith had expected her life to turn into, but it was. “Are you traveling alone with all of them?” Some old woman had asked on the plane, to which Meredith had forced a smile and nodded in response. Planes. She hated planes. She would panic the whole flight through. But with a newborn and two kids, there was no way she would sit them in a car for a 18+ hour drive, or a 35+ hour train ride even less so. And she just had to go, she had to do it. She summoned whatever force might be up there to make sure they all got to destination safely and finally breathed again when they landed in LA. She was lucky she had good kids, they had done amazing the whole flight through, had slept it right through, even the baby who had only fed once shortly before landing, which meant she would be good for a while and it was perfect timing. They all got off the plane and Meredith got the help of a man that worked at the airport, helping her getting her things together and even escorted her to a cab. She gave him a good tip and insisted when he refused, thanking him before hopping in the cab and giving them the address. 

     As they pulled in front of the address she had taken from Amelia’s phone, Meredith felt her heart beating so fast in her chest. She paid the cab driver and got all the kids out of the cab, then picked up their stuff. The man was kind enough to help bring the bags up the stairs to the door for her, and she offered him an extra tip that he refused, then watched as he drove away before turning to face the door. Bailey half-asleep in her arms, Zola tiredly leaning against her, her arms wrapped around her legs, the carseat at her feet, next to their bags. Swallowing thickly, Meredith leaned forward and knocked on the door. It was the middle of the night, half past 1AM, surely she would wake her up, but she had nowhere else to go. And so she stood there and waited until the door opened, feeling her heart dropping in her chest with relief when it did and her eyes locked with Addison.

     “He did it again,” she breathed out exhaustedly, her shoulders sinking, the last bit of strength she had going into holding Bailey in her arms and keeping him from falling - or was it him that kept her from falling. “I’m you,” she shrugged. “He’s found another me.” She gulped thickly. “We weren’t supposed to run or walk out on each other, we were supposed to love each other even when we hated each other and to take care of each other when we were old and senile, it was supposed to be forever. It was the post-it. We were supposed to be it but we’re not, I’m not.” She shrugged helplessly. “We were supposed to do this together and he left me to do it all alone, and I don’t know what to do. But you know what to do, so I need you to tell me.” She paused, staring at Addison as she breathed out so desperately, “What do I do?”

[just-dreaming-marvel]

Out Of Time ~ 134

MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 2,685ish

Summary: A few surprises are in store. (Read the note at the end of the chapter.)

They had had many more nights of passion and love after that one, slowly healing them together. And the two hadn’t been so caring about protection. Five weeks after that first night, Y/N was sleeping, cuddled up to Tony. Suddenly, she popped up having the sudden urge to puke. She rushed to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet in time. She was still letting out her guts when Tony came into the bathroom, worried.

“Oh, honey,” he knelt by her, rubbing her back. “Dinner not sitting well with you?”

“No—“ She cut herself off, throwing up more into the toilet. “Tony… I think we’re in trouble.”

“Trouble? Why would be be in trouble?”

Wiping off her mouth with her sleeve, Y/N leaned against the wall, facing a still too skinny Tony. “We haven’t exactly been the most safe with our recent sexual escapades.”

“Sexual escapades?” Tony repeated, wiggling his brows and smirking. “I like the sound of that.”

“Tony, I’m serious… I think I need a pregnancy test.”

Tony’s eyes bulged. “Are—are you sure?”

“I don’t know… that’s why I want to check.”

“I’ll run out to the store and grab a test.” Tony scrabbled to his feet. “I’ll be right back.” He was out the door before Y/N could stop him.

Y/N sat there, thinking about how they could have let this happen? How could they have been so reckless? But the more she thought about it, the less she could excuse. But how where they going to be parents, when she felt that they had failed their child the last time? And what if something more was wrong with her? What if she couldn’t protect this one either? 

When Tony came back, he found Y/N on the same spot on the floor.

“I didn’t know which test worked the best so I grabbed them all,” Tony told her, kneeling in front of her and showing her the bag of tests. “I also grabbed different snacks and such, but I left those in the kitchen because I didn’t know how you’d react to them. So, which test do you want to try first? And do you want be in for them or waiting outside the door?”

Y/N inhaled shakily. “Can you just wait outside?”

“Of course.” Tony nodded, quickly pecking her lips before standing up. 

“Don’t shut the door,” Y/N practically begged. 

“Okay,” Tony nodded. “I’ll be right here. Everything’s going to be fine.”

Tony left the door open enough so that Y/N could see him leaning against the wall beside it. His hand was wrapped around the molding, as if to tell her he was still there. Taking a deep breath, Y/N began the tests. Once done with one test, she lined it agains the wall and grabbed another. After all 11 tests were finished, Y/N walked out and washed her hands.

“Can you put on a timer for ten minutes?” She asked quietly, her voice slightly filled with nerves.

“I got it,” Tony responded, and with a few touches to his watch a ten minute timer appeared on the mirror. He could tell Y/N was nervous so he came over and wrapped his arms around her and brought her back into her chest. Their eyes met in the mirror.“Everything will work out the way it’s suppose to,” he whispered. “And, whatever you want to do, I’ll stand by you. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

It was the longest ten minutes either of them had ever experienced. They held each other, watching the mirror’s timer count down. Once it went off, they were frozen in their spot. Eventually, Tony turned Y/N around to face him.

“Together?” He questioned softly.

“Together,” she gave a little nod, pressing her lips to his for a quick kiss.

Holding hands, the two went to where the tests were. Y/N squeezed Tony’s hand as she closed her eyes and face her head down. While willing herself to open her eyes, she heard Tony let out a breathy, yet happy, chuckle. Opening her eyes, she finally saw the tests.

“You’re pregnant,” Tony grinned, kissing the side of her head. “You’re pregnant!” He grabbed Y/N and spun her around. “We’re going to have a baby.”

“We’re going to have a baby,” she repeated quietly, clearly in a state of shock. “I’m… pregnant… Tony…” She looked up at Tony’s large, excited brown eyes. “What if… what if I screw it up again?” Her eyes become watery. “What if I lose this one too?”

He ran his hand down her arms until they attached to her hands. “Listen to me, very carefully, I love you. And I already love the life you have growing inside of you. I will do absolutely anything in my power to make sure that you both are healthy and safe. I will get the best doctors and get the house finished faster and eliminate all the stress I can. You will not lose this baby. And it was never, or either will be, your fault for losing AJ. At least not yours alone.”

“I’m scared. This world… this—“

“This world, yes, is scary. But so was the world before half the population turned to ash. We will protect and teach our child to the best of our ability. We will work with what we have, imperfections and all.”

“You’re too good for me.”

“Oh, honey, it’s always been the other way around.” He pulled her hands up and kissed her knuckles. “I love you. Always and forever.”

“I love you too.” They met for a kiss. “We’re going to have a baby,” she smiled, the excitement finally getting to her.

“We’re going to have a baby,” Tony smiled back.

~~~

Morning sickness was the worst, especially cause it was the biggest lie. It didn’t just happen in the morning. It lasted all day and all night. Thankfully, Tony was always there with a damp rag and a comforting hand on Y/N’s back. Then there was the fatigue, breast tenderness, and the mood swings. On second Y/N would be laughing, the next crying, and the next yelling. But Tony took it all like a champ.

When the cravings began the next week, Tony had already stocked the whole kitchen and storage closet, ready for any possibility. What concerned Tony the most though, was that, even with the cravings, nothing was sitting well with Y/N’s stomach. He had hired the doctor to come in and do the check ups, worried that anything could be too stressful for Y/N and the baby.

“She’s not keeping anything down, doc,” Tony worried, as the doctor squeezed cool, blue gel onto Y/N’s stomach. “Is that normal?”

“Normal, no,” the doctor responded, getting the ultrasound machine ready. “Uncommon, also no. The baby just might be really picky. But I can prescribe something to help with the morning sickness.”

“That would be wonderful,” Y/N sighed in relief. “Thank you.”

“Now, let’s take a first look at the little trouble maker, shall we?”

Moving the ultrasound probe around her stomach, the doctor carefully observed the ultrasound screen. Nervous, Y/N tightened her grip on Tony’s hand as they both also stared at the screen. Neither of them knew how to read an ultrasound, but they were sure trying. Suddenly, the doctor froze the machine’s screen.

“There it is,” the doctor smiled softly, pointing to the screen. “Looks like it’s even a good size.”

“Oh… my…. Gosh…” Y/N muttered, unable to take her eyes off the screen.

“That’s our baby,” Tony grinned, trying to keep from tearing up. “Can we know the gender yet?”

“I don’t like the check until 18 weeks. You’re at 6 now, almost 7, so you have a little while longer.” The doctor pressed a button, causing a few small photos of the ultrasound to print out. The doctor tore the photos from the machine and tried to hand them to Y/N. “Here you go.” But Y/N was frozen, staring at the screen.

“I can take them,” Tony said, reaching over. “Honey? Are you okay?”

“I… I never got to see AJ…” She responded quietly, still staring.

“AJ?” The doctor questioned, looking at Tony. 

“Our son,” Tony responded. “Miscarriage.”

“Oh. Well, knowing that I need you to rest. No stress or strain. Understood?”

“I’ll make sure she follows orders.”

“Very good.” The doctor began to clean off Y/N’s belly. “Feel free to reach out with any questions and we can make an appointment for 4 weeks from now.”

“Thank you doc. How about I show you out?”

“Very well.” The doctor turned off the screen and pushed the equipment over into the corner. “I will see you soon Miss Rogers.”

All Y/N could do was nod in response, she was still so lost in her own mind. As Tony left with the doctor, Y/N reached over and carefully picked up the picture of her baby. 

“Hello,” she whispered, rubbing a hand against her stomach. “I can’t believe you’re in there… I promise I’ll protect you and love you. And I’ll teach you how to stand your ground and fight. Your father will teach you how to build things and he… he’s going to be the best father and he will love and protect you too. I can already tell that you’re going to have him wrapped around your finger.”

“Just like their mother is,” Tony said, coming into the room. “You talking to the little bean?” He came up and sat on the side of the bed.

“Yes… Tony, there’s a baby in there.”

“There is.” He smiled.

“We never got to be excited about AJ… I’m sorry that we didn’t get that.”

“Me too.” Tony set his hand over Y/N’s that was resting on her belly. “But we’ll make it up with this one.”

~~~

Week 7 was full of the same symptoms as the previous weeks, though the nausea hadn’t been too bad since the doctor proscribed some meds. This week added on frequent urination. Y/N was either in the bathroom throwing up or peeing. Though, Tony wasn’t all that worried because he was currently doing all the research he could on pregnancy and birth.

Week 8 all the pregnancy symptoms were in full force, making Y/N feel bad for Tony. The two had contacted Rhodey, Happy, and Pepper, and told them the good news. The three were so excited, yet promised not to say anything to anyone after Tony swore them to secrecy. Rhodey asked Tony about them telling Steve, but was quickly shut down. Neither of them were ready to talk about or to Y/N’s brother just yet.

It was the first day of week 9 and Tony was up way before Y/N was. It had multiple surprises for her today and he wanted to make sure she was all rested up before he surprised her. Happy was helping as Tony packed up somethings. The cabin was finished and one of Tony’s surprises was going to be moving into the cabin.

“I’ll make sure that this all gets to the cabin and it’s all ready, Tony,” Happy said as the last thing was taken to the elevator. 

“Thanks, Happy,” Tony said. “We’ll see you then. I got to wake her and get her to get ready without making anything look suspicious.”

“Good luck, you’re gonna need it.”

Tony was facing Happy as he walked away. “Hey! At least she can’t read minds anymore.”

Tony headed to the bedroom to find Y/N sleeping soundly. He almost didn’t want to wake her, she was looking so peaceful. But he was just so excited for the day, he knew he couldn’t wait. Carefully, Tony crawled onto the bed and knelt over Y/N. He slowly began placing kisses anywhere that she had exposed skin.

“Tony,” she moaned.

“Yes?” He questioned with a smirk, still kissing her body.

“What are you doing?”

“Waking you up.”

“What for? I was actually getting some good sleep.”

“I’m sorry, honey. I have a few things planned for today.”

Opening one eye, she looked at Tony. “A few things?”

“Yes.” He kissed her lips quickly. “Now, your clothes are all laid out in the bathroom, so go shower and then we’ll head.” He gave her one more kiss before moving to stand beside the bed.

“What do you have up your sleeve, Tony?”

He took her hands and began to pull her up. “You’ll just have to wait and see.

~~~

Tony wouldn��t saw a word about where he was taking Y/N after they got in the car. Before she knew it the city was gone and the suburbs were slowly disappearing as well. 

“Seriously, Tony, where are you taking me?” Y/N asked.

“We’re almost there,” he responded. 

“Almost where?”

Tony chuckled. “You’re cute, you know that?” 

Y/N scoffed, folding her arms over her chest and pouting. “And you’re mean.”

“Love you too, honey.”

Tony turned and the car began to make its way up a windy dirt road. Y/N focused on looking out the window, for any clues. Eventually, a lake appeared, with a pier extending into it. They rounded a bend and Y/N saw a cabin.

“Oh,” she gasped, her hand coming up to cover her mouth. “Is that—“

“Yes, honey,” Tony smiled. “Welcome home.”

“It’s… it’s better than I could have imagined it.”

“I’m glad.”

Tony stopped the car and ran around to help Y/N out. Tony helped her up, keeping a hold of her hand once she was standing. Y/N was looking around, in awe.

“When did it get finished?” Y/N wondered.

“A few days ago,” Tony answered. “I wanted it to be a surprise.”

“It’s wonderful. I love it.” She turned and wrapped her arms around his neck. “And I love you.” She gave him a loving kiss. 

“Love you too. What do you want to see first?”

“Honestly, I kinda need to pee. So maybe we could head inside first?”

Tony laughed. “Okay, sweetheart.”

With an arm slung around Y/N’s waist, the two headed inside. As they walked further in, Y/N froze. The living room was lit with candles and there was rose petals scattered around.

“Tony,” Y/N said softly, leaving his side to further examine the room. “What is this?” She turned around and gasped. Tony was down on one knee, holding a ring up in his fingers. “Tony…”

“Just, please, let me get through this,” Tony pled, clearly nervous. “The past eight years that we’ve known each other, has been nothing short of a rollercoaster. But, I feel like that’s only made us stronger. We’ve both done our share of stupid shit, but we’ve always somehow ended up back together, trying to make it work… for me, this has been a long time coming. Happy has literally been caring this ring around for years, waiting for me to finally propose to you. And now, I’m going to because, honey, there is no one else in the world that I’d want to spend the rest of my life with. I love you so much and I already love our baby so much. So, Y/N Rogers, will you marry me?”

Biting her lip nervously, she nodded, trying to keep the tears at bay. “Yes,” she whispered. “Yes.”

“Yes!” Tony celebrated while slipping on the ring. “I was honestly so scared.” He stood up and brought Y/N into his chest. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” They began kissing, only for Y/n to quickly push away. “I’m so sorry, but I kinda just peed a little.” Tony threw his head back, laughing. Y/N playfully smacked his chest. “Don’t laugh! That’s mean!”

“I’m sorry, honey.” He kissed her cheek. “Why don’t you go get cleaned up and we can celebrate later?”

“I don’t know if you’ll be celebrating anything after that laugh,” Y/N grumbled, walking away. 

next chapter >

I have thought this through and changed my mind many times, but I swear that this time it’s for real. I have decided to do two endings: Tony’s Ending and Bucky’s Ending. I know that Team Bucky may be a little confused about how their ending is going to work after this chapter, but I promise it will. I will be taking a break soon, so the chapters/endings won’t be out too fast. (I will most likely just be posting on weekends for a little while.) But I just don’t want to disappoint either team with whatever I was originally going to choose as the one ending. I hope that everyone will be okay with two endings. I’m going to try to figure out the best way to post the endings so that all my readers will still be willing to read it.

Thank you all for the support! And please be patient with me and the story.

If you want to be added to the tag list, please dm me or send in an ask.

[thesmokingguns]

A Dream Come True

Warnings: Slight language, mention of infertility issues

Song by Elton John

First part of my A-Z one shots I’ll be writing. I changed this idea about ten times and ended up writing pure fluff. I think the A-Z is going to have Motley Crue and GNR members and have eveyrthing from fluff to smut. I’m hoping to post one a week.

I can hear your heart

Pounding in my ear

Now I feel the sound

And the time is near

I feel the taste

Of all the things you do

Now the time has come

I know you're a dream come true

I thought it had been a joke when you had said you wanted to get me pregnant. To see me swollen with your baby. I figured it was something that you were saying to me when you were horny and wanted to ease me into letting you cum inside me.

But then I noticed how you would stare at me when I was playing with Vince’s kids. You’d watch me run around with them, kiss scapes, feed the baby a bottle, or when I would walk around with a kid on my hip hour eyes would flash with something I didn’t understand.

Want.

I never realized how much you wanted a family until you got the idea lodged into your head. You became obsessed with putting a baby in me.

It was the second week in your plan when I realized my birth control pills had gone missing. I tore the house apart and felt slightly crazy when it didn't turn up. It was an easy enough fix to call the doctor and get a new prescription but when I came in holding the brown pharmacy bag you were so angry.  

That’s when I realized you were serious about putting a baby in me.

We had been together for seven years, Married for five of them. But I was still surprised you were willing to share me with kids. I had thought maybe when we were in our 40s there might be a couple dogs but never children.

I was overwhelmed and slept at my mothers house thag night to think about it.

Maybe it wasn’t about you wanting to share me but more about me wondering if I could share you anymore. There was already the band taking up so much time and when you weren’t with the band you seemed to still be doing something with music. I was needy and needed your attention too.

Could I really share you with little carbon copies of you?

Could there be anything cuter than mini little Nikki’s running around?

When I woke up the next morning to the revving of a motorcycle outside I knew we were both on the same page now. I held onto you as we made our way home and started the next chapter of our life.

You make me so complete

With the things you do

And the music's sweet

You make me feel brand new

I hear the sound

Songs start coming through

Somehow I know

That you're a dream come true

I was only 24 when we decided to have a baby, so I thought getting pregnant would be easy. And then I turned 25 and it still wasn’t happening.

I felt like I was disappointing you.

You never asked me for anything and now the one thing you wanted I couldn’t give you. I was getting myself into this deep darkness, stacking my worth into my reproduction.

The doctors couldn’t find anything wrong, which made it worse because no one could help.

And then one morning I woke up and felt different. It was like my body was going through a growth spurt. I ached in weird places. It was like someone punched my right in the boobs.

You were doing a couple shows in Canada but would be home that weekend so I didn’t want to call the hotel and complain about how shitty I felt.

I spent the whole day in bed watching shitty Soap Operas and drinking water and peanut butter, the only things that didn't make my stomach lurch.

When I woke up the next morning feeling nauseous and sore I called the doctor. All I needed was to get the flu and then get you sick. You were such a big baby when you had the slightest cold.

I sat in the cold doctors room, on the table. I needed to call you. I had missed your call last night because I had fallen asleep early. When I called the hotel this morning you were already out. My mind was too busy thinking of you when the doctor came in and told me what was wrong.

I was pregnant.

Six weeks. For six weeks I had been carrying your baby and I didn’t know.

The doctor said it would be a great weekend to tell you. It was going to be Father’s Day.

My heart was pumping as I went home. My hand on my stomach as I held my baby. Rubbing the flat area that would soon be a bump.

It was a Friday and you’d be flying in tomorrow afternoon. How was I supposed to keep this a secret? It was everything we wanted. But I knew that I wanted to make it special for you.

You had been so patient in this and now it was finally happening.

It takes my breath

When it sounds that way

Seems like you

Chase the clouds away

And I feel so good

Each and every day

And life is good

Each and every way

Sunday morning I woke up wrapped up in you. Our limbs entwined as you held me close. I didn’t want to get up but I knew I had to.

I got up and groaned. Watching the way you sat up concerned, asking if I was okay.

I told you I was still feeling a little sick. I had filled you in on all the information about how I was sick and not feeling well. I even told you about the doctor's visit. Which leads to now.

I left the room pretending to call the doctor. Even though I had paid a ton of money to get them to be open on Sunday for your surprise. When I came back to the bedroom you were on the edge of the bed, eyes looking at me with nervousness as I told you I needed to go to the doctor.

Of course you agreed to go with me. Holding my hand on the drive and even coming into the room with me.

The doctor said he wanted to do an ultrasound just to check on what was going on in my stomach.

And that’s when the loud booming of a heartbeat filled the room.

Your eyes went from my face to the screen where our little bean was making all that noise, just like their daddy.

Your hand squeezed mine as you realized what you were looking at. I swear your eyes teared up and my heart was beating a million miles a minute. Your free hand slid up onto my stomach as you held our baby.

Our baby, Nikki.

Now I feel the beat

Of the dancing drums

And now I know we're

Gonna have some fun

Now the time stands still

And the blues are through

And now I know

What I'm gonna do

Nine months.

It was nine months of you being practically glued to my side. Every ultrasound, all the pregnancy yoga, the million pictures you wanted to take of me, pulling me out of bed when I was so round I couldn’t even sit up alone.

Every step of the way, we were in it together.

Except now. You had to go to a show tonight before taking a couple months off. You wanted me to go but the idea of people seeing me look like a blimp wasn’t exactly my idea of a good night. Going to get a strawberry milkshake was exactly how I wanted to spend my night.

I was just pulling out of the drive through, sipping the ice cream and it happened.

The warm water slid down my thighs, over the leather seats of your Porsche. You were going to love getting the car cleaned after this.

Usually I would panic in these situations but I had been having the small fluttering contractions for weeks. Plus we had taken that birth class together where we learned about how long labor actually takes.

Did it feel great to start labor well driving your Porsche to the show to go get you? No. BUt my mind was so focused on getting to you I was sure that I could I’d make it.

Ten minutes to the venue, Three minutes to rock back and forth to propel myself out of the car, Five minutes to clean myself up and throw on your red leather jacket over the tight black dress I was wearing with my converses, Nine minutes to make it backstage.

My hand was on my back trying to count the time between the contractions which were feeling more intense than I expected. I could see the side stage that I would need to waddle over to but it might as well have been ten miles away.

The opening chords to Use it or Lose it started to play, making me smile. It was one of my favorite songs. Someone helped me over to the side of the stage and I watched Nikki spinning around.

You looked so happy as you slammed on your bass, running around the stage and leaning out to the fans. As much as I wanted to have someone run on stage and let you know your wife was in labor I wanted this moment.

This was your last show before you became a dad and I wanted you to have the moment without worrying about me.

I pushed out of the chair making my way to the payphone and calling the doctor's office to let them know that I was in labor and I’d be heading to the hospital in about a half hour. As I hung up another tight, sharp pain ripped through me. My hand gripped the edge of the phone.

Hang on, Baby Sixx. We’re going to meet you soon.

You bounced towards me, your big smile on your face until you realized the grimace I was giving you and the realization of what was going on hit you.

I don’t know how we made it to the hospital without flipping the car or getting a speeding ticket but you were helping me in the front door fifteen minutes after leaving the show.

It was 1:53AM when he was born. Jackson James Sixx. 8 lbs 1oz, 22 in long.

Holding your son for the first time was one of the best things I’ve ever seen. He was so little in your arms but the love between you was so big. The way you crawled into bed, wrapping yourself around us. It was the three of us together now.

And it was everything I wanted and more.

And I feel so good

Each and every way

And life is good

Each and every day

[jetaime-jespere]

Under The Weather

Some pointless fluff that's been floating around my head for a few days. Also on ao3 🙂

It’s not the usual alarm clock that wakes her this time - the tauntingly peaceful melody that she now associates with being ousted from a dream every morning.

In fact, Emily is hardly awake. Her eyes are still sealed shut, she’s still nestled under the covers because the thought of moving is almost unbearable. Even in her sleep induced haze, the only thing she’s fully aware of is just how shitty she feels, like every part of her body has somehow teamed up against her in unison. What started last night as a subtle headache is now accompanied by a persistent rawness in the back of her throat. The same pain has crept in to settle behind her eyes, and now radiates around her head, like a pair of gnarled hands wrapped and clenched around her brain. But that isn’t the only thing - everything just hurts. Her limbs feel like lead, her throat is now on fire, lips cracked and chapped from the winter air. Her mouth is dry as dust as she grapples for the glass of water Aaron had left on her nightstand hours ago - something he’s done since they moved in together.

Cracking one eye open takes monumentally more effort than it should. The wind rattles against the windows, whistling through the bitterly cold February morning and Emily groans at the prospect of even moving from the safety of their warm bed. A glance at the clock tells her it’s 5:40. Aaron’s side is empty, the sheets cooled, but she can hear the steady pulse of the shower, see the steam curling out from under the door. The cloying pull of sleep is too consuming, the glass of water all but forgotten as Emily groans. The notion of having to get up in less than a half an hour is making her stomach roil in protest.

Instead, she burrows herself deeper into the blankets, wishing somehow this day would somehow restart itself. Her eyelids are too heavy to stay open, even though the looming reality of her alarm hovers over her, along with the daunting challenge of making it through the day. Emily remembers the stack of unfinished case reports left on her desk from yesterday, abandoned in the wake of remembering Ava’s ballet class just a few minutes too late to be early for once. That’s about the time the headache started, subtle enough to temporarily ignore as their daughter happily chattered away in the backseat, little legs kicking against the leather upholstered seat - a story about unicorns and fairies, one Emily could probably retell herself she’s heard it so many times. If only she knew then.

The next thing she’s aware of is Aaron bending down to kiss her awake, fresh from the shower and half dressed in an undershirt, his skin still damp as he murmurs good morning . The whiff of eucalyptus soap and his mouthwash only makes her dizzy as she all but pushes her husband away from her with an ill attempted protest against his affection. “Five more minutes,” she croaks. “S’tired.”

“Sweetheart?” Aaron questions even though he doesn’t have to. He’s no stranger to her indifference to early mornings, the way her arms wind around his neck to pull him close most days when he wakes her with the same kisses, the same sweet nothings in her ear. On the rare occasion when they have more time, he ends up back in bed with her, making the most of a few precious moments. Those mornings are his favorites - the ones where he gets to press her into the mattress, get her leg over his shoulder, seal his mouth against hers to muffle the moans he hasn’t grown tired of hearing even years after he first heard them. But this is different. He figures it out immediately, knuckles brushing against her flaming cheek, skin clammy under his touch.

“Hmmph?” Emily shrugs out from under his touch, the cool hand on her burning forehead a reminder of just how awful she feels. “Five more minutes and I’ll get up.”

Aaron laughs softly, already reaching for his phone on the dresser. “Not a chance.”

“I’ll be fine in a half hour.” It’s a futile attempt; Aaron knows her better than she knows herself by now. Emily doesn’t get sick often, maybe once every few years. But when she does, it hits hard and fast, rendering her inherently useless for a day or two, and they’re all a little thrown off kilter without her. Even though her eyes are closed she can practically see him making arrangements - school dropoff and pickup, soccer practice for Jack, ice skating lessons for Ava. It’s also a Wednesday, the one day a week he spends mostly in meetings as unit chief. It’s the day she picks up more slack around the house, handles the after school activities in addition to her own professional responsibilities. It’s a routine they’ve perfected through trial and error over time.

“You weren’t yourself last night,” he sinks down beside her, his weight dipping the mattress down as he pushes some hair from her face. “You barely touched your dinner. You fell asleep with the light on,” he adds pointedly, pressing his lips to his wife’s forehead for confirmation. “And you definitely have a fever.”

“Do not,” she argues. It’s becoming harder and harder to challenge him, a battle she knows she’ll ultimately lose. There’s no way he’ll let her out the door let alone into the BAU at this point. Despite the sweat that trickles down her back, her teeth chatter together.

Aaron wraps her into his arms, aware of how she melds against his chest as she seeks the warm comfort of his body. “Do too.” His tone is light, which only manages to frustrate her more. “And you’re staying home today. Don’t even try to argue with me.”

Emily attempts to pull away from his embrace. “I have a meeting too, you know. Jack has practice and Ava -”

“Has ice skating. I know, Sweetheart.” Aaron gently pushes her back down, tucking the blankets around her. “I know their schedule. And yours. We’ll manage.” But he’s already reaching for his phone, dialing a number he knows by heart.

“Who are you calling?” She asks weakly, succumbing to his insistence. The sky has lightened to a shade of dark blue instead of inky black, the first traces of the winter morning starting to peek through the curtains.

“I’m texting Garcia. If she can take Ava this afternoon, I can get Jack to soccer after my last meeting.”

Emily grumbles while he taps out a message as she runs through her day ahead. There are her own meetings, of course, a slew of chores around the house waiting when she gets home, all the little things that accumulate during the week without fail, over and over. Aaron can almost read her mind as he gets dressed, disappearing into the depths of their closet to pluck a suit from the rack on his side. “Things won’t implode without you, Em. We can survive one day.”

From her place in bed, Emily watches him dress, securing the sleeves of his dress shirt, the jacket stretching across his broad shoulders over the crisp fabric of his shirt. Some days, she can’t believe they’ve come this far. Seven years of marriage has brought its fair share of ups and downs, most recently an ill-timed miscarriage in the days before Christmas. She hadn’t been too far along - ten weeks - but December 23rd was spent at her doctor, Aaron’s hand wrapped around hers as the news was broken, their eyes glued to the ultrasound screen. They hadn’t been trying at all. It was a surprise neither of them expected, which only seemed to worsen the blow when it abruptly ended. Emily had been the picture of composed, smiling through her grief on Christmas Eve, distracted by Ava and Jack’s excitement, the endless mountain of gifts to smuggle from their closet under the tree, only to spend the early hours of Christmas morning crying in his arms until he rocked her to sleep. She closes her eyes, wills herself not to think of it. It’s still a little too soon.

When he’s fully dressed, traces of cologne lingering in the air, Aaron gathers a box of tissues and fills a glass of water, setting both down next to Emily. “I’ll bring you some toast before I leave. You need to eat something.”

“You need to wake -”

“I’m already -”

“Mommy?” The voice outside the door tells them at least one more Hotchner is already awake. Aaron drops a quick kiss on Emily’s head, frowning when he notes how warm she is. He makes a mental note to bring some ibuprofen with the toast and opens the door just a crack to find their daughter on the other side, fully dressed, not a hair out of place.

“Where’s Mommy?” He’s met with the round, concerned eyes that belong to Ava. Even at six, she could be Emily’s clone, with sleek dark locks and the same pale skin. Ava is precocious, sharp as a tack yet sensitive, hesitant to trust but loyal to a fault. Her arrival in the world had been dramatic, at one point downright terrifying for a few minutes, shoulder dystocia to blame. Aaron had turned ghostly pale as the doctors rattled off medical jargon he’d only ever seen dramatized on primetime television. Yet it was that same efficiency and urgency that ultimately brought their daughter safely into the world a short time later. The moment she was placed in his hands, Aaron was completely smitten, his world forever changed.

“Mommy isn’t feeling well, Ava.” Aaron explains with an abundance of patience, his tone soft and reassuring. In the days after Christmas, following the miscarriage, Ava had been confused when Aaron took Emily’s usual place at the new, massive dollhouse from Santa, doing his best to display the same enthusiasm his wife so effortlessly showed. He’d uttered the same words - Mommy isn't feeling well - when she protested, complaining about his doll handling skills and seeming inability to make their hair look half as good as Emily did. Even though his placations  held an entirely different meaning then, Ava questioned him relentlessly. Telling a version of the truth had been harder than he anticipated, for more reasons that one.

“Is Mommy okay?” Ava asks, persistent as ever.

“She’s fine, honey. Just the flu. Remember when you had it in Kindergarten? You got to stay home while Jack went to school. Mommy and I took turns staying home with you? You got to eat popsicles in bed and watch TV during the day?”

Ava nods, not fully convinced as she tries to poke her head further into their bedroom. “I guess.”

“That’s what Mommy has, honey. Grown-ups get sick too. So Daddy is going to drive you to school. Aunt Penelope is going to take you to ice skating lessons this afternoon.”

Ava squeals with delight at the mention of Garcia, clapping her tiny hands together, only to have the expression melt off her face seconds later. Then she frowns. “But Daddy,” she whispers slowly, her resemblance to Emily and similar mannerisms uncanny, as if profiling him even at the tender age of six. “You don’t know the Good Morning song.”

Aaron checks his watch and pinches the bridge of his nose as he peers into the hallway. Jack’s bedroom door is still firmly closed, indicating his son is most likely still sound asleep. Waking him is the next battle, one of his least favorite tasks as of late. “What song, Ava?” He sighs, not missing the fleeting touch of amusement that crosses Emily’s face from across the room, the softest of laughs. Even in her current state, pale and tired, clearly more than under the weather, Aaron thinks she’s stunning.

“Mommy and I always sing the Good Morning song on the way to school.” Ava folds her arms across her chest, tapping her foot against the floor. “If you don’t know the words -” Her dark eyes double in size, widening impossibly as she stubs her toe with disappointment. “How can you drive me to school?”

“Honey -”

“Mommy knows all the words.”

“Ava - “

“Daddy.” She challenges, sticking her lower lip out in a whiny pout. Aaron knows what’s ahead. Even though Ava has him completely wrapped around her tiny finger, their daughter absolutely adores her mother, never missing an opportunity to steal a few quiet moments together. He often finds Ava curled in Emily’s lap, listening to a story, or playing dress up with some of Emily’s old clothes. Aaron has caught a few misplaced tubes of lipstick hidden in her dress-up box, ones Emily thought she lost long ago. He’s seen the pictures she draws, the way Ava always draws Emily next to her in each one. It tugs on every single one of his heartstrings, every single time.

“Mommy will teach me,” he assures her, crouching down to her level, bringing her to lean on his knee. “Daddy will do his best to know all the words before I take you to school.” He ruffles Ava’s hair as she beams, seemingly appeased by his effort. “Can you be my special helper this morning and wake Jack for me?”

Her face brightens instantly, a mischievous grin spreading across her face at the thought of what she’s being asked to do - something that, most of the time, she’s actively told not to do. “Okay!”

Aaron grimaces slightly as Ava skips off down the hall. There’s a finite window of time until he’s left to deal with Jack’s morning moodiness, exacerbated by his sister’s surprise wakeup call. But it’s worth the few extra minutes he’ll get to spend with his wife. Emily is now fully awake, looking even more miserable than she had moments before.

“You’re on your own for the good morning song,” she rasps sarcastically. Her voice is hoarse, even as she tries to smile. “Couldn’t sing it for you if I tried.”

“I think I’m going to take her for donuts. Those strawberry frosted ones she loves?” He slips back in bed beside Emily, pulling her into his arms once again. “Distraction at its finest.”

“The ones I love,” Emily reminds him, swiping her thumb across his cheek. “Good luck.”

“Right. Hopefully she’ll forget all about it.” Then he remembers just who he’s talking about - a miniature version of the woman he somehow got lucky enough to call his wife, instantly realizing how wrong he is. He’s a goner; he won’t hear the end of this for days.

“I doubt it. But you can give it a try.” Emily snuggles into his chest, savoring their final few minutes of peace.

…

Winter sun streams through the windows, casting the bedroom in a mix of shadows and blinding light.

She isn’t sure how much time has passed - an hour could easily be three, maybe five. Sleep has consumed her, on and off all morning. Yet she’s uncomfortable, alternating between throwing the covers off and disappearing into them, unable to seek enough warmth as she reaches for one more blanket. Everything still hurts, and topped off by a congestion that settles deep in her lungs, rattles her chest with every cough. She almost feels worse now than she did earlier, if that’s even possible.

The house is quiet, so she hears the subtle rumbling of the garage opening, the soft creak of the door leading into the house. Emily smiles to herself - she’d recognize his footsteps anywhere as he makes his way through the living room. He’s undoubtedly picking up wayward shoes and toys along the way, most likely grumbling about the clutter. He’d never admit it (even if she knows it to be true) but it’s one of his favorite tasks. The mess is a reminder of what they’ve built over time, that sometimes things work out just as they were meant to. Even if it means their house will never be spotless.

She pries one eye open as he shoulders through the bedroom door, slipping his suit jacket off to drape over a chair. “You could have stayed at work.” Emily isn’t surprised at all. She knows him sell enough by now.

“I know.” And while Aaron is fully aware of that, there was never a chance he wasn’t going to come home to tend to her. He stayed at the BAU long enough to get things squared away, arranging plans for the kids, and delegating tasks as needed before making a hasty exit. And now, only a few hours later, he’s back. He checks her forehead, refreshes the glass of water on the nightstand and tosses some tissues into the trash. “How are you feeling?”

“Like shit.” Emily shifts to make room beside her. “Worse than before, if that’s possible.” She sighs a little when he wraps her into his embrace. Her head falls against his chest on its own accord. “Ava and Jack?”

“Garcia is taking Ava to ice skating. She’s taking her out for ice cream afterward.” He gets a hand in her hair, rocks her back and forth a little bit until she relaxes fully against him. Almost.

“What about dinner?” Emily mumbles, stifling a cough into her fist. It rattles within her chest, reverberating through her ribs. “She needs real dinner, Aaron.”

“I think she’ll live without vegetables for one night, Emily.”

She’s too tired to argue. “Jack?”

“Dave offered to take him to soccer,” Aaron says, patting her back through the last of the coughing fit and grappling for the water glass on the table. “It’s all taken care of.” His hands are soothing, gentle and strong against the sore, stiff muscles. “You sound terrible.”

Emily pointedly ignores him. “What about you?”

“I cleared my schedule for the rest of the day. Tomorrow too,” he adds with a wink, taking her hands in his own when she starts to object. “I’m making it my mission to get you better.” He shows her the package of popsicles he’d stopped for on the way home, tosses the bag away to the floor. “And I got some of these. Just for you.”

The soft laughter that comes from her is accompanied by yet another hacking cough. It’s the little things he does that are the most thoughtful - a pit stop to the grocery store in the middle of a work day is just one example. “Sounds like you have quite the job ahead of you.” But she’s eyeing the popsicles - it’s the first thing that’s sounded appealing all morning.

“You’re not an easy patient,” Aaron chides as he hands her a cherry flavored one, taking a lemon flavored for himself. “One of the worst I’ve ever dealt with, actually.” He flicks her nose lovingly.

“Is that so?” The cool chill of the frozen ice against her lips and throat is a temporary relief, a moment of reprieve. She doesn’t even notice when a little piece of it breaks off to leave a tiny red stain on the sheets. “You’re no picnic yourself, you know.”

It’s his turn to laugh, because she’s right. He’s just as stubborn, the art of rest and healing lost on them both. “I feel called out.”

“It’s because I’m right,” she quips. And she is.

Emily sleeps fitfully in his arms, only waking up once as the sun sets over the trees in the distance. When her eyes drift open, he has the television remote in one hand, the other anchoring her across his chest. “What time is it?” She mumbles, blinking furiously as her eyes adjust to the dim light.

“Close to five.” He kisses her, rocks her a little to wake her up. “You’ve been sleeping for hours.” Aaron sounds almost pleased that she finally got some solid rest. “I’m going to make you some soup. And don’t tell me I don’t have to.” He untangles himself from her, somehow without disturbing her comfort within their bed. “I’ll be up in a few minutes.”

His fingers brush across her cheek; she’s not as hot to the touch this time. Emily leans into his hand, curling her fingers around his wrist.

“Thank you for coming home.” She hardly sounds any better, certainly doesn’t feel it either. But having him there somehow makes it slightly more bearable, an unexpected silver lining to all of this. And the reverence in his eyes, the same one she sees every time he looks at her, confirms the fact that he’d do it without question. Another example of the unconditional love he’d promised years before when they exchanged vows in Dave’s backyard.

“There’s nowhere else I should be, Sweetheart.”

Four days later, Aaron wakes up with the same aching muscles and raw throat, barely able to keep his eyes open as a new week awaits them. Emily is only more than happy to return his favor.

[homoose]

Love Has a Learning Curve: epilogue (OC)

Summary: An early morning, a doctor’s appointment, a new beginning.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x OC

Category: fluff

Warnings/Includes: pregnancy (including like… probably incorrect math and science but my degree was in English and this is fanfiction okay)

Word count: 2.7k

a/n: I’m actually so emotional don’t look at me thanks ♥️

Series Masterlist

———

The sound of Spencer’s ringtone pierced through the early morning quiet, shrill and disconsolate. Maggie hummed against his chest, shifting as he clumsily reached across to the bedside table to answer it. 

“Hey,” he croaked, voice still smothered in sleep. “Mm... When?” He paused, and she could almost make out the answer on the other end. “Got it. Yeah.” 

He carefully set the phone back on the bedside table, and then his arms came around her shoulders. He let out a long sigh, the one she’d gotten quite used to over the last year and a half— the one that meant he had to go. She squeezed him around the middle and let out her own sigh. “Case?”

“Yeah.” He ran light fingers down her arm. “Jet’s taking off in ninety minutes.”

She glanced at the bedside table to the alarm clock that read 4:57am. They both knew he needed to leave within the next half hour if he was going to make it on time, but neither one made any effort to move. Instead, they breathed together in the pre-dawn stillness— a single moment of peace before the world and all its ugliness could crash through the fortress they’d constructed around their space and around each other.

“I don’t wanna go,” he whispered. 

“I know.” She pressed a kiss over his heart through his t-shirt. “I know.”

“I’m gonna miss everything,” he lamented. “Appointments, and milestones, and firsts, and I— I’m gonna miss all of it.”

She lifted her head at the tears in his voice. “Hey.” She shifted in the circle of his arms to prop herself up on his chest. “You’re not gonna miss all of it. You’ll miss this one appointment. And it’s— it’s not even an important one,” she assured, gentle fingers swiping away the lone tear that had managed to escape over his lash line. 

“Yes, it is.” He shook his head. “They're all important.”

She gave him a sympathetic smile, leaning forward to press a quick peck to his lips before sitting up and deciding to reassure him in the only way she knew how. “Okay, doctor. Eleven weeks. Tell me what we’re gonna find out today.” 

She pulled him up out of bed, interlacing their fingers and pressing their shoulders together. As she led him to the bathroom, he explained, “Dr. Layton will do the first ultrasound, and Baby will look more like a baby now. At around ten weeks they made the transition from embryo to fetus. They’ll be about two inches long.” 

She handed him his toothbrush and turned to grab his toiletry go-back from the linen closet, stifling a yawn. “Mmhm. What else?”

“Did you know they’re breathing now?” he asked, and she smiled at the way the excitement crept into his voice. “Between weeks ten and eleven, the fetus starts to inhale and exhale small amounts of amniotic fluid, which aids in the development of their lungs. It’s kind of like they’re breathing underwater.” 

“I didn’t know that,” she admitted, turning back to set the bag on the counter. “That’s pretty amazing. What about the heartbeat?”

He nodded vigorously as he applied toothpaste to the bristles of his brush. “We should be able to hear it, although sometimes it’s too early— depending on the accuracy of the estimated date of conception.”

He ran the water over the toothbrush before popping it into his mouth. She kissed his shoulder and then moved back into the bedroom, shuffling into their closet for his go bag. She checked it over on her way back to the bathroom, ensuring it had been fully repacked after the last case. She set it on the counter and placed his toiletry bag inside, leaving it open for him to pack his toothbrush and then sitting on the closed toilet lid. 

He rinsed his mouth and put his travel cap over the head of his toothbrush, gesturing with it and then dropping it into the bag. “They’ll do some routine lab work to test for things like gestational diabetes, and we can also choose to do additional screeners for chromosomal abnormalities and possible complications.” He looked at her then, and she saw the despondence creeping back in. “I should really be there, just— just in case.”

“Honey.” She stood and held out her hand to him, smiling a little when he accepted it with a squeeze. “It’s gonna be okay.” 

He let out a breath and pulled her into his arms, and they held each other in the silence, the soft light from the vanity washing over them. His phone buzzed with an incoming message, and she knew he needed to get on the road. Still, she held him for a second longer, and then they shuffled through the door and into the bedroom together. 

Maggie made her way back to bed, scooting down under the duvet to preserve the last remaining notes of his body warmth. She watched as he dressed silently, pulling on trousers, socks, a button up and cardigan. He skipped the tie in favor of coming to sit on the bed, bringing his hand to rest lightly over top of her belly over the covers. 

She covered his hand with her own and laced their fingers together. “Maybe you could ask Luke if you can FaceTime with his phone. You can probably take twenty minutes, right?”

He nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I can do that.” He rubbed a tired hand over his face. “Maybe I should just upgrade my own phone.”

She huffed out a laugh. “Oh, I see how it is. Couldn’t upgrade for me, but once a baby comes along you’re ready for an iPhone.” 

“That’s not— you— you shouldn’t have to do all of this alone,” he huffed, and she realized her joke didn’t land when his voice cracked at the end. 

“Spence, I’m— I’m just teasing.” She lifted her hands to his face, pulling him closer and meeting his eyes. “I’m sorry; you’re upset, and that wasn’t nice.” 

She leaned up to kiss his forehead, letting her lips linger and breathing him in. “But I’m not alone. With you, I feel— the opposite of alone.”

“Irritated?” he offered. 

“No,” she laughed. “Supported, and cared for, and loved,” she corrected with a smile. “You’ve been all of that since day one. And I know that’s not going to change, whether you’re physically present in that doctor's office or not. Right?” 

When he nodded, she continued, “I love you. The most. And you are easily the best baby daddy on planet earth. Okay?”

The term of endearment dragged a smile from him, as it always did. “Okay.”

She leaned forward to press her lips to his, both sets upturned and a little dry from sleep. “Now, you need to go, or you’re gonna be late.”

“I know.” He kissed her again, long and slow, and then pulled back to lean their foreheads together. He hesitated for another ten seconds before standing to grab his bag from the bathroom. 

When he re-emerged, she reminded him, “Ask Luke about the FaceTime thing. I’m sure he won’t mind, and we can trust him to keep the secret. The appointment technically starts at 1:00, but I probably won’t be seen until at least 1:30.”

He crossed to give her another kiss. “I love you.” He crouched to press a kiss to her tummy. “And you.”

“We love you, too,” she smiled, fingers tangling in his curls. “And we’ll talk to you in a few hours.”

She kissed him one more time— couldn’t help herself. And then his warmth was gone from the bed, and the house was suddenly much too quiet. She snuggled back down under the duvet, her head on his pillow and the scent of his shampoo shrouding her senses and easing her mind.

Spencer really was supportive— endlessly so. Not overbearing, but interested and involved in every moment: reading all the newest research, bringing home her favorite treats, writing out a color-coded timeline of all the appointments and milestones. She wasn’t lying when she called him the best baby daddy. He was always there for her. So much so that the apprehension she’d had at the beginning of this surprise journey was nowhere to be found. 

As she drifted back into sleep, there he was again— she could almost hear the jangling of his keys in the bowl in the entryway, his feet on the stairs, the rustling of his pants and sweater being discarded onto the floor of their bedroom. 

And then she felt the warmth of his palm low over her tummy, coming to rest over the barely-there bump. She felt his lips on her shoulder and his chest pressed against her back. When she went to cover his hand with her own, her exhausted brain registered that it wasn’t a dream at all.

She turned her head, blinking her eyes open to see him smiling at her and drew her brows together. “What’s going on?”

He pressed another kiss to her shoulder, snuggling even closer and rubbing his thumb along her belly. “I’m, um— I told Emily I’m gonna consult from home on this one.”

…

“Okay, Mom, this’ll just be a little bit cold.”

Dr. Layton smoothed the gel over Maggie’s lower abdomen, and Spencer moved to thread their fingers together, shifting to stand even closer to the examination table. The ultrasound machine gave off a low hum as the doctor adjusted the wand over her tummy. She felt Spencer press a kiss to her temple and turned to smile brightly at him before turning back to the black and white screen. 

At her first appointment five weeks ago, she’d been by herself— alone and uncertain and terrified— and she’d declined the option of the ultrasound. It felt wrong to see the baby before Spencer even knew about them. Now, together with him, with her soon-to-be husband— she was more than ready to see their baby for the first time. And she could practically feel Spencer’s excitement next to her, his body nearly vibrating with it. 

“Ah, here they are. Hello, Baby Reid.” Dr. Layton pointed to a small, white figure on the screen. “Okay, right here, you can see their big ol’ head— perfectly normal size for this stage of development,” she assured, eyes deftly scanning the image in front of her. “Everything looks great! Now, I’m just trying to find…” 

She adjusted the wand over Maggie’s tummy, and suddenly a wub wub wub came over the tinny speaker of the machine. “There we are,” Dr. Layton smiled. “Very strong heartbeat.”

Spencer squeezed Maggie’s hand, and she felt the drop of a tear on her shoulder. She brought her other hand over to cover their tangled fingers, rubbing her thumb along the skin of his wrist and kissing his arm. 

Dr. Layton made a slightly perplexed humming sound, moving the wand again and losing the sound of the heartbeat, only to pick it up again— this time slightly faster. Maggie’s own heart stuttered a little as the doctor moved the wand again twice more and then cleared her throat. “Is something— is everything okay?”

She turned to Maggie with a kind smile. “Yes, yes,” she confirmed, and then she raised her eyebrows. “Just— do you hear the difference?” 

Spencer tilted his head in consideration, drawing his brows together and straining to hear. The doctor shifted the wand once more, allowing them to hear the two distinct patterns. 

Two distinct patterns, Maggie realized. 

Dr. Layton pressed the wand a little more firmly into her abdomen, moved it just slightly. “Those are two different heartbeats.” She pointed to the screen. “And those are two different babies. There’s a matching set of Baby Reids in there.”

Maggie couldn’t stop her jaw from dropping. “Is there—” She turned to Spencer incredulously. “Do twins run in your family?”

He shook his head silently, eyes wide. “Yours?”

“Nope,” she squeaked. 

“This obviously changes things slightly,” Dr. Layton explained, cleaning up the residual gel. “I’d like to see you every three weeks rather than every four. Then at twenty eight weeks, we’ll see how we feel, okay?” 

She smiled gently as Maggie and Spencer nodded dumbly. She removed her gloves and stood. “I’m going to give you two a few minutes. I’ll be back with your photos in a bit, and we can talk about any questions you might have.”

The door closed behind her, and the room was bathed in silence. Maggie sat up carefully and swung her legs over the side of the examination table. She looked down at her tiny, unassuming bump and felt a tear slip over her lashes. 

“Are you— are you okay?” Spencer whispered. 

She brought her gaze to his, found them teeming with barely restrained joy and yet the ever-present worry. “Well,” she started. “I, um— I always imagined two kids.” She brought her hands up to her sweaty cheeks and held her own face between her palms. “I guess this is— you know— just a quicker way to get there.”

Spencer immediately wrapped her in a hug, pressing kisses over her hair, her forehead, her shocked mouth. “Two babies. We’re having two babies.”

“Twins, Spence,” she breathed. “Twins.”

He replaced her hands with his own, cradling her face and kissing her sweetly, sighing all of his joy and adoration into her mouth. “I love you. So much. The most.” He lowered himself to press his lips to her belly. “All of you.”

She used gentle hands in his hair to tilt his face up, meeting his smile with a watery one of her own. “We love you, too, baby daddy.”

She could see the gears turning as he stood, his hands coming to rest on her hips. “About that.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Yes?”

“Do you, um— how difficult do you think it would be to get everyone together this weekend?”

She paused. “You wanna get married this weekend?”

“Yeah, that’s probably too soon, huh?” He huffed out a sigh, then his eyebrows shot up. “Oh— what about next weekend?”

“That’s just as soon!” she laughed. 

He furrowed his brow. “No, it’s not. There's a seven day difference.”

“You’re really in a rush, huh?” she teased. 

“Well. I just— I figure you should really be on my insurance anyway,” he reasoned. “Especially now that it’s— now that it’s twins.”

“Mm, yes, I’m sure that’s the reason,” she grinned.

He let out a long breath, and she watched his eyes journey over her face— memorizing every curve and angle, every new wrinkle, every last inch of her. And she knew the reason. 

“I know it’s just a piece of paper,” he murmured. “It doesn’t really change anything, but…” He used gentle fingers to brush her hair back from her face. “I just… really want to be your husband.”

She took her own minute to memorize the way he looked in this moment: her fiancé, the father of her children, the best man she’d ever known, the absolute love of her life. And she knew her own reason. 

“The paper might not change anything,” she agreed. “But— you’ve changed everything.”

He squeezed her hips. “In a good way I hope.”

“The best way.” She brought her hands to his face, rubbing her thumbs along his cheeks. “The best way.”

He closed the distance between them to kiss her with all the honey and magic and reverence he always did. He broke away to lean his forehead against hers with all the warmth and devotion and love he always did. She sighed, and it was all joy and vulnerability and contentment like it always was. And she knew their reasons. 

She kissed him again, and then murmured against his lips, “You know I’m still gonna refer to you as baby daddy, right?”

The laugh erupted from his chest and wrapped itself around her heart, tying tight and secure— a shield, and a haven, and a refuge— keeping her safe from every terrible thing. 

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

…

O no! Love is an ever-fixed mark 

That looks on tempests and is never shaken; 

It is the star to every wandering bark, 

Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.

- William Shakespeare, Sonnet 116

———

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[wastelandcth]

Baby Fever - cth

summary: The three times Calum realized him and Dovey wanted a baby and the one time they got one. 

author’s notes: i hope you guys enjoy prebaby doves and how they got Charlie!

warnings: mentions of pregnancy

masterlist || request || more doves

The first time Calum realized that he wanted to be a dad, Dovey was making funny faces at a toddler in the grocery store. 

It had been a simple gesture. Dovey had scrunched up her nose and the baby in the shopping cart in front of them had giggled. It was a moment so small and he was pretty sure that Dovey hadn't even noticed him watching. But since that day and as they both went about running errands, Calum couldn't get the idea of having their own baby to be able to make funny faces for out of his head. He'd never tell Dovey that but he was more than willing to put his life of being on tour and living the rockstar life on hold if that meant he could watch Dovey be a mom and see himself as a dad. 

He hadn't been sure how to tell Dovey. The two of them had always put off the baby talk because they were more than happy being dog parents and with Calum's hectic work schedule, it had never seemed like the right time to bring up growing a family. HE wasn't even sure if Dovey wanted kids at this point. Some days she'd talk on and on about how she wouldn't know the first thing to do when it came to motherhood and then the next she was bragging over how she'd gotten Ashton's son to bed faster than Ash ever could when they were babysitting. But he'd seen the way Dovey offered more and more to babysit or to even just hold a baby when the opportunity arose. Calum wasn't sure if he was even ready for a child, but that was a problem for a different day. 

The second time Calum realized he wanted a baby, he and Dovey were at Target and had passed by the baby section, ending in both of them squealing over how tiny a baby Yoda onesie was. Calum had pointed out the onesie, knowing that Dovey had been obsessed with anything baby Yoda at the moment and he couldn't help but lead her over to the baby section when he saw her face soften. 

"Can you imagine how tiny a human has to be to fit into one of these?" she mumbled in awe as she held up the tiny piece of clothing, "Your bicep probably wouldn't even fit, Dovey."

"It's tiny, huh?" Calum had chuckled, his arms wrapping around his wife's waist as they kept walking through the store, Calum not missing when Dovey had pulled the onesie into the cart at checkout.

And when Dovey started dressing Duke in baby clothes, Calum hoped this meant more than just dressing up the poor dog for entertainment. The first time it had happened was a few days after their trip to Target, when Calum walked into the bedroom to find Dovey wrestling Duke to get the baby Yoda onesie on him. He'd watched her struggle as Duke wiggled away from her but once the last button was secured and Duke was laying in her arms, Dovey looked more than pleased. 

"You really should stop torturing the poor dog," Calum had teased as he walked over to kiss her forehead and pat the old dog on the head, "He's only just started liking you."

"He's liked me since day one, Dove, and besides, he looks so comfy and cute!" Dovey laughed and set the dog down, wrapping her arms around Calum's waist and pulling him in for a kiss. 

"Should just make a baby instead of torturing Duke," Calum mumbled, half-joking as he looked at Dovey's face for any sort of reaction. 

"Haha, so funny, Hood. Don't make promises you can't keep," she teased and nudged him with her elbow before chasing after Duke with her phone in her hand. 

The third time Calum realized he needed to be a dad was when he held Ashton's newborn. The little one was so tiny and warm and Calum felt an overwhelming sense of love for the child he'd met a few seconds ago. Ashton and his wife had come to visit for the first time since the arrival of their first child and the Hoods were absolutely head over heels with the newborn. Calum had bounced off the walls since Ashton had texted him that morning asking if they could stop by to get a change of scenery. 

"He's so tiny," Calum mumbled as he looked down at the tiny baby in his arms, rocking him slowly as he sat still on the couch, "I can't believe he's finally here after months of waiting."

"That's usually what happens, Dove," Dovey had teased, her eyes watching the little baby squirm in Calum's arms before settling down with a big yawn. 

"And when are you two going to pop one out?" Ashton asked and chuckled quietly, not missing the quick glances the Doves gave one another. 

"Oh, I don't know, maybe sooner than later." 

Dovey had been acting strange, she was restless and every time Calum questions her about it, she'd shut him down and said she was excited about dinner. She'd been more hesitant to go out and enjoy a night out, opting for mocktails instead of her usual order. Calum hadn't wanted to bring it up, fearing he was looking too into it, and instead waited for Dovey to say something to him about. 

Calum had noticed something was off with Dovey. She'd been clingier around him, always wanting to hold his hand when they were in public and when it was just the two of them alone at home, she was always on his lap. But the one thing that stood out the most to Calum was whenever Dovey saw a baby, she would stare. It wasn't a creepy stare, Calum hoped. It was just a fond look where Dovey would try her hardest to make a random baby giggle or even smile. It wasn't until Calum and her were at home one night that Dovey had finally said something. 

"How do you feel about kids?" she'd whispered as they laid on the couch facing one another, her thumb tracing a line from the top of his cheek to his jaw. 

"Used to think I didn't want any," Calum mumbled, "But recently...I don't know, I think I'd like to try," he whispered, leaning into Dovey's touch as his eyes closed.

 "Me too," Dovey whispered and smiled as she watched Calum's eyebrows furrow, "I think we should try." 

"Now?" he teased and chuckled. 

"I mean..."

"And let's turn this thing on, see if we can't hear baby, yeah?" the ultrasound technician said softly. 

Dovey's hand was held tightly in Calum's, both of them trying to take in the moment in the dim-lit office as the machine was turned on. Dovey's gasp was drowned out by the loud thumpthumpthump coming from the doppler, her hand squeezing Calum's tightly as they both listened to their baby's heartbeat. Calum felt like he was in a fever dream, like the past couple of months had flown by and that he was going to wake up any second to find himself on the couch alone. Dovey had taken a test two weeks before the appointment, Calum had been confused when he heard her footsteps rushing towards his office where he was met by a tear struck Dovey. 

"It's positive," she'd choked out, the tears finally falling down her cheeks as Calum pulled her into a tight hug, "I'm pregnant." 

"And here we see the little one." the technician pointed out the small bean shape on the screen, causing the two Doves to burst back into tears as the measurements were taken. 

"Oh my god, our little bean," Calum chuckled shakily through his tears, watching the screen as he pressed a kiss to Dovey's forehead. 

Later that day, when the tears had dried and many congratulations were given from everyone in the doctor's office, Dovey and Calum found themselves on their couch again. The sonogram pictures were sitting in Dovey's lap, both of them still in awe of the day to really process that their baby was real and that in a couple of months they would become parents. Calum had already begun to shop for baby essentials, their extra room already filled with nursery items even though neither of them had told anyone the news of the baby. But for now, their little secret would stay with them both, hidden in Calum's wallet, and only when the bump which had shown up a few days after Dovey had hit her second trimester, would Calum post a picture of him with the picture of their soon to be bundle of joy. 

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[iliveiloveiwrite]

Lost and Found

Request: Hello, I’ve never requested any type of imagine so I’m sorry if this request sucks. I just love the way you write post-Azkaban Sirius and I was wondering if you could write something about reader getting pregnant just before he was sent to Azkaban and never got to tell him, fast forward to 1993 and how Sirius reacts to finding out about his son/daughter. Hope this made sense!

A/N: Here’s your request! I really enjoyed writing this, and I kind of used a different format that I've only used once or twice so I hope it reads okay! There's a flashback in this and it’s in italics! Thank you so much for requesting. As always, I hope you like!!

Pairing: Sirius Black x Fem!Reader

Warnings: angst, swearing, pregnancy, first meetings, a gross overuse of commas and semi-colons BUT THERE IS A HAPPY ENDING!!!

Word count: 4.7k

1981:

The front door slamming shut wakes you from your slumber. You hadn’t meant to fall asleep, but Sirius had left so late in the night; you wanted to wait up and see what the hurry was.

He storms into the living room; boots heavy on the floor. His hands run through his hair rapidly and he shakes his head repeatedly as if he can’t come to terms with whatever’s happened.

But then he stops his pacing.

He holds a hand up to his mouth.

And he begins to sob.

He bends in two; sobbing and sobbing, unable to catch his breath from the power of his cries.

You fly off the couch, rushing to him. Wrapping him in your arms, you sink to the ground where he stands, unable to walk to the couch for the sheer emotion taking over him.

It feels like hours before his sobs calm enough for him to get the words out.

In between his sniffles, Sirius manages to choke out, “James and Lily have been killed. Harry taken by Dumbledore.”

Your tears join Sirius’. You think of the family torn apart tonight; you think of the broken hearted man sat at your side. The family he had found for himself ripped from him in less than fifteen minutes.

It was incomprehensible.

They were only twenty-one; they were protected, and they were planning for their future. They had a fifteen month old son who needed his mother and father now more than ever, but he wouldn’t have that.

They had the world at their feet.

And in a single instant, it all changed.

----------

The test come backs positive, and it makes you cry harder.

A shaky hand places itself on your lower abdomen where in nine months, a bump would surely be.

You blink away the tears that are making it hard to see.

You stare at the wall; listening to the nothingness of the empty house you now sat in.

******

The sun was shining when Sirius made the decision that would impact both of your lives forever. The sun was shining when Sirius left the house with you still in bed.

At the front door, he hesitated for a single instant. He hesitated because he didn’t know what was going to happen to you after he does what need to. He hesitated because he so desperately wanted to crawl back into bed with you, but as he closed the front door ever so quietly behind him, he knew he wouldn’t get such a luxury for a while.

Sirius hadn’t been home all day; you had woken without him, but that wasn’t entirely unusual. What was unusual was his constant absence as the day progressed, and soon enough, dread floods your veins.

Remus shows up on your doorstep at some point in the afternoon; looking very much as if he hadn’t slept in days. He paces the kitchen with you; Sirius hadn’t told him the exact details of his plan – just that he was going to right a wrong, and that hadn’t sat right with Remus at all; no matter how much he desired retribution for the death of his friends and the orphan now in the care of his muggle relatives.

You yelp in panic when there’s a knock at the door; mind already thinking the worst.

Opening the door, you find that your mind is correct.

Two Aurors stand there; both with sombre looks on their faces.

You don’t hear what they say wholly; you only hear bits and pieces as your hearing zones in and out.

You hear, ‘Sirius’, ‘Azkaban’, ‘no trial’ and with no words of apology, the two Aurors leave your doorstep.

It’s Remus who catches you when you fall to the floor, sobs heaving from your chest.

******

The nausea rises with the end of your memory. You haul yourself over the toilet, emptying your stomach. You rest your head on the cool surface of the porcelain before dragging yourself to the sink to wash your mouth out.

An appointment at the Healers was needed, it seemed.

-------

The ultrasound jelly is cool as it is spread on your stomach; you shiver from the feeling and the nurse smiles at you apologetically.

“How are we feeling?” She asks kindly, setting up the machine.

You bite your lip, “I’m really nervous actually.”

She chuckles, “All new mothers are, but you’ll find the fathers are the most nervous.”

You want to laugh, but instead you smile wanly.

Using her wand, the nurse hovers it over your lower abdomen, moving it right to left and back again as she scans there.

A few clicks on a button later, she says, “There we are! You look to be about twelve weeks already,” She continues to move her wand, “Baby looks healthy, and is a good size. Would you like to see?”

You nod wordlessly. The nurse smiles at you as she turns the monitor your way.

And for the first time, you get a glimpse of the little baby.

You hold one hand to your mouth, and the other stretches out to touch the screen.

The nurse stands, “I’ll give you a moment. I’ll be back in a few minutes, dear.”

You let a few tears fall as you shuffle closer to the screen, wiping the ultrasound jelly off with the tissue from the side. Your hands grab both sides of the monitor, pulling it to you even closer.

There – the little blip on the screen. The little blip that was your baby.

-----

Remus lives in a flat within walking distance of Diagon Alley. After your appointment, you head there, struggling to hold back more tears threatening to make an appearance.

You climb the stairs to his floor; finding his flat easily enough.

Raising your fist, you knock on the door repeatedly – getting faster and louder the longer Remus takes to answer the door.

Remus yanks open the door to his flat, ready to shout at whoever is making that much racket so early in the morning. His words die in his mouth when he sees that it’s you and that you’re so close to tears.

You brush past him, striding into his flat and into his kitchen where you promptly fill up the kettle and set it on the stove to heat up. Watching for a flame, you know that Remus is going to need caffeine to hear the news.

“(Y/N)?” Remus asks warily from behind you, “Are you okay, love?”

“No, Remus. I’m not, but I can’t tell you until you have a coffee in your hand. And Remus, I love you like a brother, but will you please put on some trousers.”

Remus glances down at his clothing; only just realising that he’s stood in his boxers. He chuckles and leaves you to get dressed; pulling on some jeans and a Henley he finds in a drawer. As he’s getting changed, you make him a coffee and yourself a tea.

You sigh, thinking to yourself that this would be the last time you have caffeine for a long while.

Remus ambles back into the kitchen fully dressed and takes a seat the breakfast counter, “So what was so important it had you waking me up?”

Your fingers tap out a nameless song on your mug as you announce, “I’m pregnant.”

Remus knocks over his mug, sending it and the coffee inside flying across the kitchen. He leaps up from his spot, swearing up a storm as he grabs a tea towel to clean the mess up.

You stand to side, letting him finish cleaning. He’s done in a matter of moments; turning back to you with happiness and pity reflected on his face.

“You’re pregnant?” He asks.

You nod, “Had it confirmed today. They even did an ultrasound.”

You grab the picture of your baby from your bag, handing it to Remus with a shaking hand.

Remus grabs your hand as he looks at the ultrasound. There, in front of him, is a little blob that’s the baby of you and Sirius.

“What are you going to do?” He questions – his voice no louder than a whisper.

You run a hand through your hair, “I’m keeping it if that’s what you’re asking.”

Remus nods, “Are you sure though?”

“I’m sure. It’s half Sirius. We had talked about having children the month before James and Lily were killed.”

“So you’re going to be a mum?”

You laugh, tears shining in your eyes, “I’m going to be a mum.”

------

The pregnancy is tough without Sirius by your side. You find yourself asking for his opinion on everything – from the cot, to the colour of the nursery walls, to the name.

Then you remember he isn’t there, and he won’t ever be.

Remus, however, steps up. He isn’t there to be a father to the child, but he makes damn sure he is there for every appointment and to assemble every piece of furniture.

It’s Remus who holds your hand through the labour, and it’s Remus who hands you your son.

1987:

James begins to get curious about his father’s whereabouts on the approach to his sixth birthday. Question after question leaves his mouth – why didn’t he have a dad? Why were you alone? Did you feel lonely? Do you miss his father?

Eventually, the inquisition from the youngster becomes too much, and you give in on a Friday evening.

James sits on your knee, already invested in the story long before you even start.

“Are you comfy?” You ask.

You laugh at his eager nod.

“I met your father at Hogwarts when we were sorted into the same house. We weren’t friends then, but I knew who he was; it was hard to miss him – he was very loud.

“We became friends three years later in our Fourth Year; your father sat next to me in a lesson and pestered me until I would be his friend. I’m very happy he pestered me now.

“We fell in love in Sixth Year,” You break off, chuckling at your son’s crinkled nose, “Well we did, honey. There wasn’t anything else after that. I loved your father and he loved me.

“When we graduated Hogwarts, we moved into this very house and started to make it a home. Our friends, Lily and James, had a baby and both your father and I were named godparents – we had to protect the baby if anything happened to them.

“James and Lily died after that and it was very sad for both of us but especially for your father as James was his closest friend in the entire world. Your father left the house to make those who hurt his friends apologise, and it led to him having to go away for a very long time.”

“How long?”

“A very long time, my love.”

“Where is he? Maybe we could visit?”

“I don’t think we can. He’s in Azkaban, sweets.”

James’ eyebrows crinkle together, “The place where bad witches and wizards go.”

You nod, “The very same, but your father isn’t a bad wizard. He just made a bad choice one day.”

You finish talking, choked up with emotion. James pats your cheek with a small hand, and you squeeze your son a little tighter; wondering when he had grown into such a caring child.

James thinks over your story; plays it through in his head. He had seen other children his age playing with their dads and wondered why he didn’t have one. He was very happy with you, and loved you very much, but still, he wondered.

“But we still love him, right?” James asks.

You pause; thinking over his question, “I think I’ll always love him, James. He’s your dad.”

“Can I see a picture of him?”

You nod, not expecting this question. Patting his side, you tell him to get off so you can climb to the attic to find one. James follows you all the way; his little legs struggling on the steep stairs to the attic.

He finds you rooting through an old, dusty trunk, chuntering to yourself as you try to find what you were looking for.

“Got it!” You shout, pulling a framed photograph out from underneath some old clothing.

You run a finger over the picture; looking at faces you never thought you would see again. James, Lily, Marlene… Sirius. They all smile up at you as the camera flashes; permanently sealing the memory within the photograph.

You wrap an around James’ shoulder, pointing down at the photograph. “Tell me, do you recognise anyone at all?”

James gasps, “Is that you? And Uncle Remus?” His small finger points at the two figures he recognises the most; Remus as he went through his long hair phases that truly didn’t last long after the photo was taken, and yourself, standing straight-backed and proud next to Sirius whose arm was on your lower back.

You laugh, “That is me and your Uncle Remus, yes,” You point to the two figures in the front, “That’s James and Lily – two of my closest friends.”

“Is that who I’m named after?”

You nod, “It is. James was your father’s best friend; he even lived with him for a brief time. When I found out I was having you, there was no doubt in my mind that you were to be James.”

“Which one is my dad?”

You sigh, shifting your finger so it hovers over Sirius’ permanently handsome face, “This is your father.”

James takes the picture from your hands, holding it closer to his face as if he could get a better look at the man who should have been raising him beside you.

“Do I look like him?” He asks in a small, vulnerable voice.

You smile, pushing the dark hair back from his face, “In all the best ways, sweetheart.”

1993:

Tears fall freely as you flatten your son’s hair. “Mum,” he gripes, “It’s fine.”

“I’m just going to miss you,” You sniffle, dabbing at your eyes with your handkerchief.

“I’m going to miss you too, but we can write to each other and we’ll see each other on the holidays. It’s going to be okay, mum.”

You caress his face, wondering when your son had grown up, “When did you become so wise?”

He rolls his eyes, “I always have been.”

“Okay,” You start, taking a step back, “Do you have everything you need?”

He checks over his belongings one last time, “I’ve got everything.”

“And you’re going to be okay?”

“I’m going to be okay,” He promises.

“And you’re going to write me a letter the moment you get to your dorm room to tell me what house you’re in?”

“I promise.”

“Okay then,” You drop one last kiss to your son’s cheek before sending him off to the train, “I’ll miss you!” You shout.

He sticks his head out of the window of his compartment, unashamed of showing his feelings, “I’ll miss you too! I love you!”

You wave and wave as the red and black steam train departs from Kings Cross, carrying your son all the way to the highlands of Scotland where he’ll roam the corridors as you once did with his father.

-------

Remus is the first to alert you of Sirius’ escape from Azkaban. He apparates from Hogsmeade one weekend; his first words when you open to the door to him being, “He’ll come here, you know that right?”

You let him into your house. He trails after you, checking for signs that Sirius hasn’t already landed on your doorstep.

You hand him a mug of coffee from the fresh pot on the side, “I know that Remus, but I think he’ll go find Harry first. He doesn’t know about James.”

“I know that, but he’ll come back for you. Are you ready for that?”

“I’ll be ready when I need to be and that’s that. I wasn’t ready for my son or for his father to be imprisoned but he was, and I dealt with.”

“Magnificently if I say so myself,” Remus comments with a smile.

“You’re a flatterer, Remus Lupin.”

He laughs but it does nothing to hide the worried light in his eyes, “Send me an owl every week please? Let me know you’re okay.”

You nod, “I will. And you do the same for me; keep an eye on my son, Remus. It’s his first year.”

Remus sits back in his chair, “He’s in my class. He refuses to call me Professor, preferring to answer questions with ‘Yes, Uncle Remus’,” Remus chuckles, “Eleven years already. I remember him being born.”

“You should – you were there.”

He chuckles, “I had to be present for the birth of my godson didn’t I?”

You laugh, reaching through it all, “You were great through it all. I never worried about a thing, I had you next to me.”

“It should have been Sirius,” He sighs.

“You’re right, but it wasn’t. And I don’t regret that for one moment.”

-------

The knock at your front door is your only preparation really. An owl from Remus warned you that Sirius had left Scotland and was heading south. Harry had helped him escape certain death, and a surge of pride and gratefulness makes its way through your body – thankful for the godson you hadn’t seen since he was a toddler pottering about on shaky legs.

“Remus told me you would come,” is your greeting to man you hadn’t seen in over a decade.

“Remus is a very smart man.”

“Isn’t he?”

You stand aside, letting the man you’ve loved for most of your life enter the house he once shared with you.

You make your way to the living room; his footsteps sounding behind you. Your heart races with every possibility running through your mind – it had been hard to avoid the news of his escape, and you wondered how long it would take him to come to you. You were just thankful that James hadn’t felt the need to find his father himself; the sensible head on his shoulders telling him to wait and come back safely home to you.

Sirius steps further into your living room; his eyes dancing around the room he had spent so much time decorating. He smiles to himself; remembering the paint fight you had – he had splattered you with the brush causing you to retaliate by painting a long white stripe down the right side of his face.

It’s hard to miss the photos lining the walls or the mantle piece. His eyes dance over the framed photograph of the Order in favour of the smaller photograph next to it. A polaroid in a frame; taken by Remus on the day that James was born – it’s of you, hours after his birth with your hair still a mess but you’re smiling at the camera, looking elated.

Sirius turns to you; his mouth wide open, ready to say something but then he notices the other photographs of James on the wall – him at three years old; him at five years old sat on Remus’ lap; him at seven on his birthday, blowing out the candles on his chocolate cake.

You watch him from the side, absorbing everything.

Sirius does the maths in his head, and then his eyes finally settle on you.

Betrayal. 

Hurt. 

Longing.

They flash through his eyes and across his face in a matter of seconds before understanding finally settles there.

“Why don’t we talk about this over a cup of tea?” You ask; ready to have the conversation that should have been had twelve years ago.

“When did you find out?” Sirius counters, and you sigh, clearly not to be sorted over a cup of tea then.

“About two months after you’d gone. I was a month along when you went away so neither of us would have known,” You sigh once more, rubbing your temples in a circular motion, “I should have worked out a way to tell you…”

Sirius shakes his head, “No. You shouldn’t. It would have made things even harder in there.”

“How bad was it?” You ask; your voice a whisper.

Sirius’ face pales; lips thinning, “It’s not something I would wish on my worst enemies.”

You nod your head; not wanting to dwell on the tortuous subject any longer, “Would you like to meet him?”

Sirius’ eyes widen, “Are you sure?”

“He’s your son, Sirius. I’ve never hidden that fact from him. He’s only grown more curious over time.”

“What if he doesn’t like me?”

“Ridiculous. He doesn’t know you, but in time, he will.”

“You’re willing to give me that?”

You nod, “Sirius, love, if you hadn’t have gone away, we would be raising him together.”

“Did you ever find anyone else?”

“It’s hard to date when you’re a single parent, Sirius.”

He rolls his eyes.

“No,” You clarify, “There has been no-one for me but the father of my child.”

“I want to be in your lives – yours and his,” He states, “If you’ll have me.”

“I never stopped waiting.”

Tears line his eyes, making the grey even more striking. “Come on, let’s introduce you to your son,” you say, holding a hand out to the man you would never stop loving.

Together, you climb the stairs to your son’s room. Knocking lightly, you ask, “Love, am I okay to come in? I have someone I want you to meet.”

“It’s open, mum,” His voice rings out and you hear Sirius’ sharp intake of breath at the first time hearing his son’s voice.

Your grip on Sirius’ hand only tightens as you open the door.

James sits on his bed; his face the picture of curiosity. He leaps up when he sees the man standing behind you.

“Mum?”

“Honey, this is your father, Sirius Black. Sirius, this is your son, James Regulus (Y/L/N).”

“Regulus?” Sirius asks; his eyes never leaving his sons.

You nod, “I miss him too.”

Sirius takes a tentative step forward, dropping your hand. He stretches the hand that dropped yours out to his son.

James glances in a circuit between the outstretched hand of his father, his father, and you. With a gentle nod, you convey to James that it’s okay.

James steps forward and folds his hand into Sirius’, shaking twice before letting it drop.

Sirius coughs, “It’s nice to meet you at last.”

James nods; posture standoffish.

You glance between them, “I know. Why don’t we move downstairs so we can about this over a cup of tea?”

“A cup of tea mum? Really?”

“A cup of tea can put the world-”

“To right. Yes, I know,” James chuckles, “Let’s go.”

“Your mother used to say the same thing at Hogwarts and after,” Sirius states; watching his son’s figure make its way downstairs.

James pauses on the stairs for a moment before carrying onto the kitchen where he fills the kettle and drops three tea bags in three pots.

Sirius lingers in the doorway to the kitchen; everything has changed but everything hasn’t too. There was still the mark on the ceiling where him and James got too eager with a jinx, and the cracked vase from him and Remus throwing a ball about was still on the windowsill.

“Sugar? Milk?” His son asks; holding both up for Sirius to choose from.

“Both please.”

James nods before returning back to the drinks at hand.

He hands you your drink first before sliding Sirius’ cup to a spot at the breakfast bar. Sirius shuffles over to it, sitting down in the spot the drink is placed at. James remains standing, leaning on the counter, ready to leave should he need it.

“Mum told me about you when I was younger,” James comments.

Sirius glances at you. You take a nonchalant drink of your tea, shrugging, “He asked. I wasn’t going to keep it a secret all his life.”

“What did you say?”

“How you two met and why you weren’t around,” James states, staring down at his drink, “I didn’t think I would ever get to see you. I’d come to terms with it and then I see your face all over the newspapers in my first year at Hogwarts.”

“Yes, I’m sure that was a surprise.”

James shrugs; not knowing what else to say to the man that had been absent for the first eleven years of his life.

Sirius stands from the stool, making his way to James where he cautiously puts both hands on his shoulders. James wants to avoid eye contact with his father, but Sirius manages to keep his hold, “I’ve already spoken to your mother about this, but the decision comes down to you, James. I want to be in your lives. What happened all those years ago was not supposed to happen and I paid the price for over a decade. If your mother had known she was pregnant with you, I would have stayed and I would have raised you, but that didn’t happen. James, I’d like to get to know you, but I wholeheartedly understand if you do not want to know me.”

James processes the words his father says. His eyes dart to you for help, and all he can see reflected in your face is love for the both of you and pride for how he’s handling this.

He has wanted to know his father for so long; didn’t think he would ever be handed the chance to meet him let alone get to know him. Yet, now that he’s here, standing in front of him, he feels conflicted as to what he should do.

James continues to glance between you and Sirius; the gears in his mind whirring away. Sirius begins to lose hope when his son starts to nod.

“I want to get to know you too.”

1994:

You felt at one with the parents standing on the platform. It wasn’t going to get easier to send your child off for their education for nine months of the year.

“I’ll write as soon as I’m settled!” Your son promises; shouting from his window where he sits with Harry, Ron, and Hermione. He waves and waves as the train pulls away; you do just the same, remaining on the platform until the Hogwarts Express has chugged out of sight, taking your son with it.

An arm wrapping around your waist, and a kiss being pressed to the crown of your head keeps your grounded in the aftermath.

“It’ll be October before you know it.”

You sniffle, nodding, “I know, I just can’t believe he’s gone again.”

Sirius grip tightens on you, “If this is what it felt like the first time, I can’t imagine how you did it on your own.”

“I was a mess,” You laugh, “Sobbing and crying and everything.”

Sirius chuckles, “It’ll fly by won’t it?” – he asks for his own peace of mind.

It’s been less than a six months since he broke out of Azkaban to find out he was a father to a gangly teenaged boy. In that time, a relationship has been formed, and whilst he found himself loving his son as a father should, he knew that the trust built was as fragile as glass – one wrong move and it shatters.

In that time, he had fallen in love with you all over again. He had never stopped, but the love he felt for you in Azkaban was different from the love he felt for you now. In Azkaban, you felt like a dream – like a ghost haunting him with a past he couldn’t be sure was real; it had him feeling like he were the main love interest in a Bronte novel.

Now, however, his love for you shone out of every pore in his body. The horrors he faced in Azkaban paled when he rolled over in bed to find you sleeping peacefully next to him.

Sirius stands on the platform beside you, gazing at the absence of the train. He thinks of how his son had hugged him briefly before boarding the train; at how much that meant to Sirius, that in those few moments, his son had whispered ever so quietly that he would miss him, but he would see him soon.

Sirius thinks of all that he has lost and found, and with one look at you, he knows he has found enough.

*********

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[let-me-write-shit]

can you write a little something about Harry and reader finding out the gender of their baby after a long time of trying?

Ok, first of all, I’m SOOO sorry for taking so long to write this while I finished up my story. When I got this request, I got super emotional because this happened with me and my husband. So the story I wrote is our actual story. I hope you like it.

Word Count: 2,950

Requests are OPEN! If you have a request for a blurb, oneshot, imagine, whatever, Send me a message HERE!!!

And don’t forget to let me know what you think! Enjoy.

CLICK HERE TO READ OTHER COMPLETED STORIES

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Little Miracle

It had been two years. Two long and frustrating years. When Harry and Y/N first started talking about trying to get pregnant, it was exciting. They had been married for about three years at that point and Harry had finally started to slow down in his career a bit to focus a little more attention on his wife with the prospect of starting a family. But things hadn’t gone to plan. They didn’t expect to get pregnant on the first try. Maybe not even the second. But by month three, they started to get discouraged. Maybe their timing was off. Y/N’s period was irregular, after all, and their ideal of ‘letting it happen when it happens’ was starting to become easier said than done. So, Y/N started taking ovulation tests.

She took a text every single day for a week, and all of the tests came back negative. Not a big deal, there’s only three days of ovulation in a month. She continued to take them. The third week, nothing. Maybe her ovulation days were spread out further apart since her period was so irregular? By week five, Y/N began to worry, but she hadn’t lost hope, yet. She visited her OB/GYN who encouraged her to keep trying, try to stress less, and eat healthier. So she did. She started exercising, changing her diet, taking more vitamins, even starting couples yoga with Harry, doing everything within her power to live a better lifestyle. Nothing worked.

With every negative ovulation and pregnancy test they got, Y/N spirits dwindled. Harry began picking up more work, doing anything he could to distract himself from the ranges of emotions that were running through him. Of course, he wanted to have a baby with Y/N. She was the love of his life and to be able to bring a piece of both of them in this world would be the biggest blessing he could have imagined. But seeing the pain and heartache in Y/N’s eyes each day after another negative test felt like a stab in his chest.

He tried to do little things to take her mind off of it. Spontaneous dates, trips to the spa, exotic getaways, concerts, you name it. But when they got home at the end of the day, passing by the empty room they had always talked about one day making into a nursery, he saw the flicker of hope in her eyes die. It was even harder whenever tabloids speculated her pregnancy or friends and family asked when they would have a baby. They always played it off, simply saying ‘it’ll happen when it’s supposed to happen’, but the rage he felt whenever someone brought it up was something awful. It took everything in him not to lunge at the person joking about it. If only they knew, maybe they wouldn’t be so insensitive.

After a year and a half of trying, they decided to bite the bullet and meet with a fertility specialist to see what was going on. Harry had just finished a tour and they thought now was the perfect time to get serious again. Dozens of tests were done between bloodwork, urine screenings, semen samples, and finally an ultrasound. That’s when they were given the news. Y/N had a pretty severe case of PCOS. It was the cause of her irregular periods and the reason why it had been so difficult for her to conceive naturally.

The doctor had sat them down in a room to discuss what this meant. According to him, the chances of Y/N ever conceiving naturally, without medical intervention, were slim to none. And even though there were several medical and procedural routes they could go, the chances of a baby sticking, though not impossible, did not look to be in their favor. The look on Y/N’s face was enough to kill.

After the doctor laid out all of their options, he gave them some space to digest, and as soon as he left the room, Y/N collapsed into Harry’s arms. They had given up hope. What was the point in trying? Why go through all the pain and discomfort of medications and procedures for the high probability that it’d end in miscarriage? When they got home, they began discussing their options. There was always surrogacy and adoption. But the more they talked about it, the more frustrated Y/N got. She tossed all of her unused ovulation and pregnancy tests in a drawer under her bathroom sink and slammed it shut.

“Maybe we can get a second opinion about your PCOS,” Harry suggested, following her into their bedroom.

Y/N shook her head, shrugging her shoulders, and curling up on her bed, tired from all of the crying, “Maybe the universe is telling us we shouldn’t be parents. Maybe it’s just not time yet.”

Harry pouted, curling up with her, “Love, we’re going to have a baby. It may not have your eyes or my dimples, but we’ll have a family someday.”

Months had passed and Y/N continued to take her ovulation tests out of the habit of taking them every day for nearly two years, and every day they would still come up negative. It was Father’s Day, and after a long day celebrating with Y/N’s dad, the couple came home and got ready for bed. Y/N opened a drawer to her bathroom sink to get some floss and to take her daily ovulation test, setting it on the vanity counter before finishing her business, and as she washed her hands, she noticed the faintest extra line imaginable.

Laughing, she threw it in the trash, almost certain that it was either a false positive or a trick of the light. Still, with over four hundred negative ovulation tests under her belt, it was a bit strange. She didn’t mention anything to Harry, afraid he would think she was crazy. The number of times she had convinced herself she was pregnant because of a ‘feeling’ was starting to become ridiculous. But, what’s the harm in trying? Harry looked especially hot today with his hair extra floppy and the perfect amount of stubble on his chin. All it took was her dropping her dressing gown to get him in the mood.

But when the next day rolled around and her ovulation test was negative, she figured the previous night was just a dud. Typical. She had completely forgotten about it, her mind distracted by the fact that Harry had to leave for a few weeks to work on a new album, meeting with producers and mixers, songwriters, and masters in LA. Y/N stayed in their London home, spending time with his family and meeting up with friends.

The day Harry was supposed to return, she decided to get all dolled up for him. It had been a while since she had gone all out, and she wanted to surprise him. First thing’s first, she needed a shower. She stripped out of her clothes, tossing them in the hamper, and decided to use the bathroom real quick before she got in. The sink drawer was slightly ajar and she saw the outline of the unused pregnancy tests she never got the chance to take. She frowned, pulling it out of the drawer, all of the lost hopes and dreams fluttering away with this one pregnancy test. She should get rid of them. She sat on the toilet in thought for a moment before shrugging her shoulders. What’s one more test, for old time sake?

She held the test under her stream for a few seconds and shook it dry before tossing it to the ground, barely out of sight, knowing that the test would be negative like it always was. Besides, she had no symptoms of being pregnant. She felt fine. So, she finished her business and washed her hands. But just as she was about to get in the shower, she happened to look down and saw it. It was faint. Very faint. But it was there. Two blue lines.

Fully naked and one foot wet, she rushed over and grabbed it off the floor, pulling it to her face and holding it up to the light to make sure she wasn’t seeing things. But no matter how she turned it, she couldn’t unsee the two lines.

“Nope. It’s just a false positive,” she told herself before tossing it on the counter and getting in the shower.

But she could barely focus. Her mind kept wandering back to the test. Was it possible? She remembered the ovulation test she had taken on Father’s Day. Maybe she had ovulated. Maybe she was pregnant. No. Not possible. But….maybe?

It was a good thing she drank so much water that morning because when she got out of the shower, she had to pee again. This time, she made sure to get a cup to pee in, wanting to try multiple tests, just in case. She dipped three into the cup and set them on the counter, leaving to get dressed before returning. She took a deep breath, trying not to get her hopes up, before looking down. And her heart began to race. All three, barely visible, had two lines. Were they too faint? Did that mean she wasn’t pregnant?

So, to be sure, she took out the big guns. An electric pregnancy test. She needed to see the words. It wouldn’t be clear until she got a definitive answer. Pregnant or Not Pregnant. So she dipped it in and saw the little hourglass blink, and watched as the bar got closer and closer to completion. It took a moment to register, but when she saw it, an audible gasp escaped her as she clapped her hands over her mouth and stepped back.

Pregnant

“Oh my god!” she cried, tears rolling down her face in streams.

She picked it up, put it down, and picked it back up again to make sure she was reading it right. Pregnant.

Y/N had always imagined telling Harry in a cute, fun way. Putting a bun in the oven, or with a game of Pictionary. Maybe even a little onesie. But all of that went out the window. He was going to be home any minute and there was no way she could keep this to herself long enough to figure out how to tell them. It was something they had been waiting on for two years. She wouldn’t wait another second.

She gathered all of the tests she had taken, capped them so nothing could be exposed to the pee, and took them down to the dining room table, scattering them around and staring at them. Her leg shook, anxious for her husband’s arrival, and she bit her fingernails, still in shock that this was even happening. The beeping of the motion sensor went off, signaling that the front door had been opened and Harry’s voice rang through the house.

“Y/N?! I’m home! Where are you?!”

She tried to shout, but she couldn’t find her voice. The butterflies flapped around in her stomach like crazy and she felt like she could vomit from the nerves. It only took seconds for him to find her, though. He wore sweats and his hair looked almost greasy from his long flight home, a smile had stretched across his face at the sight of her. But it quickly turned into confusion when he neared.

“What’s this?” he asked, looking at the objects scattering the table as he got closer.

He picked one up to examine and upon seeing what it was, his eyes widened, gasping, “What? No way?” he put the test that he had been holding down and quickly grabbed another one, and another, and another, repeating, “Is that a line? Y/N, is that a line?” before finally grabbing hold of the electric test that read ‘Pregnant’. He gripped it tight, finally looking up at his wife, tears rimming his eyes, “You’re pregnant? We’re going to be parents?”

Y/N grinned, her eyes beginning to water, and nodded, “We’re going to be parents.”

Harry lost it, unable to control his emotions anymore. Two years of pent up sadness had blown out of him and he bawled, collapsing into Y/N’s arms and squeezing her tightly, blubbering, “I’m going to be a dad.”

They waited a while before telling anyone, terrified of their fertility doctor’s prediction that their baby would most likely not stick. But after three months of regular appointment and growth checkups, all of which looked great, they felt comfortable enough to tell their immediate family and very close friends, all of whom were beyond thrilled for the couple.

It was easy to hide her pregnancy for a while. She had no symptoms, she hardly showed, and it was at a time where Y/N and Harry hardly left their house anyway, so most people hadn’t suspected anything. They had managed to get halfway through the pregnancy without any leaks, and finally, at their twenty-week checkup, they would be finding out whether they were having a boy or girl.

They were especially nervous because, although they had been tossing names in the air for months now and had a boy’s name picked out almost right away, they hadn’t been able to agree on a girl name quite yet, and Y/N was almost certain they were having a girl, though Harry had been adamant that it was a boy.

“I don’t care, either way. I just want to know what kind of laugh they’ll have,” Harry said as the ultrasound technician moved the wand around his wife’s belly, taking measurements of all of the baby’s extremities and organs. “Like, will it have that cute high-pitched baby laugh? Or will it have one of those laughs that sounds like demonic possession, you know? I just want to be prepared for what I might hear in the middle of the night.”

Y/N laughed, rolling her eyes, “I hope they have a demonic laugh. Imagine how much more fun Halloween would be? And everyone would be too creeped out by their laughing to want to stay too long. Imagine all of the awkward or boring situations we could get out of because of it.”

Harry’s eyebrows raised, “Well, when you put it like that…”

The nurse giggled at their conversation and turned to face them, “Okay, are we ready to find out the gender?”

“Yes,” they grinned, squeezing each other’s hands tighter.

“Alright, let’s see if baby’s cooperating,” sang the technician, sliding the wand down further and pressing it harder into her skin. They saw their baby’s legs moving around wildly as she tried to get a better look in between their legs, digging the wand in harder. And that’s when they saw it. They shared a look with each other, mouths agape, as the nurse smiled, “It’s a boy.”

Y/N laughed, turning to face her husband, expecting him to start gloating. But she saw the reflection of light hit the water that started to collect at his lash line and a single tear rolled down his cheek, his chin quivering and sniffling as he quickly wiped it away.

“We’re having a boy,” he choked, catching his breath and pressing his lips to her forehead, his hand squeezing hers even harder now. The nurse grinned at his display of emotion as Harry whispered into her ear, “Paxton Robin Styles.”

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