#I need you to understand I thought I lost this.

[matan4il]

The other day, I went with my rl bff to the Jerusalem branch of the Museum of Tolerance for an exhibition on the Hamas massacre.

This is the sight that greeted us. "Esthers of the world, rise up!"

It's a poster celebrating two women whose families had lived in Iran, one is Jewish, the other is Muslim, and both women ended up being murdered due to the Islamic regime of that country, even though the Jewish woman's family had escaped Iran and fled to Israel after the Islamic revolution. The face of each girl is actually a composite, made from many smaller pictures of her people who have lost their lives because of the Islamist regime of Iran.

I knew this right away, because I have shared a piece that was done about the poster and how it came to be almost 2 months ago. 

"You don't understand!" my bff (who works as a teacher) said, all emotional, "She," my friend points to the Jewish girl on the left side of the poster, Shirel Haim Pour, "is the cousin of one of my students."

There is zero distance in Israel between us and the Oct 7 atrocities. 

We go in and join the tour of the exhibition. The guide tells us it was built jointly with Malki Shem Tov, who is a well known name in Israel, if you work at a museum. Malki founded a "creative visual solutions" company with his brother Assaf, through which among other things, they helped build many Israeli exhibitions over the years. "His son..." the tour guide starts to say and I don't need more than that for something to click in my head. I know so many of the names, faces and stories of the hostages, and so Omer Shem Tov pops right away into my mind. I didn't make the connection before, but now I can only imagine what it meant for this father to work on an exhibition that recounts, among other stories, how his son was victimized and robbed of his freedom during this massacre.

There is zero distance in Israel between us and the Oct 7 atrocities. 

The opening wall has a huge time stamp, 6:29 in the morning. 

The tour guide doesn't have to explain this number to Israelis, or why it's designed to look like an alarm clock display. We were all woken up on that fateful Saturday morning by the alarm clock of Hamas' rockets. And it doesn't matter what we thought or believed the day before, as the full scale and horror of the attack were starting to become known along Oct 7, we were all woken up.

There is zero distance in Israel between us and those atrocities. I know this, and still it strikes me, again and again.

There's an area dedicated to the pictures of one photographer who went to the south soon after the massacre. I knew some of them already, like the pic showing the bodies of 13 elderly Israelis, who were on their way to a tour of the Israeli south on that Saturday.

Some are new, like the pic of the door handle in one bomb shelter. I stop for a second, because now that I've moved into my new place, it hits me that the bomb shelter door was made by the same company. Suddenly, I feel like I'm inside the picture in a reality where the terrorists took a slightly different route on Oct 7. The door was photographed from inside the bomb shelter, and the bullets that pierced it, they had to have hit the personal holding it shut. The handle has blood stains on it, and it's broken off. I can only imagine how many hours this person held, and how much force they had to use, for that to happen. I know one thing, even without knowing exactly who this bomb shelter belonged to... If this person was on their own, they would have probably ended up surrendering rather than keep fighting to hold on to the handle this desperately. This was likely someone trying to keep their family safe. 

One note retrieved from the body of a terrorist is on display. It says everything about the motivation of the monsters who committed these atrocities, and every word is purely motivated by antisemitism and religious zeal. The note is actually not in Arabic, as it may first appear, it's in Farsi, the language spoken in Iran, hinting at the source, the Islamist regime there, which doesn't care about the liberation of anyone, it aspires to create a global network of fanatic terrorism.

The translation: "You must sharpen the blades of your swords and be pure in your intentions before Allah. Know that the enemy is a disease that has no cure, except beheading and uprooting the hearts and livers. Attack them!"

There is a section dedicated to women's stories. The exhibition visitors spread out to watch the testimonies, each on a separate screen. It's a not like a forest, you can't really see it for the trees, and it's another moment of feeling overwhelmed because we can't truly get it. It's just not comprehensible, facing so many stories about intentional, face to face cruelty, brutality, sadism and joy in it. Mali Shoshana tells the story of how she tried to play dead while lying shot in a pool of her own blood, but her body wouldn't stop shaking, so she somehow turned on her side to the wall and knocked her injured knee against it, causing herself to pass out from the pain. It saved her life. Ricarda Louk tells the story of the last message they got from her daughter Shani, trusting she was right and there was nothing for them to worry about. Then Ricarda's son started screaming and crying, because he saw the same vid many of came across on that day, of his sister being dragged into Gaza stripped down, mutilated, abused, molested and humiliated, while Gazan civilians were celebrating the public degradation of her body. And there's more and more and more. "You can come back and continue to listen," the guide promises as he moves us to the next segment, but the truth is no matter how many stories I've listened to and absorbed, it still doesn't feel like enough.

There is a wall with the head shots of the victims in Israel who lost their lives due to this war, whether they were murdered on Oct 7 or since, but it's only been updated up until Mar 27 of this year. Even so, no matter what angle I tried, I couldn't fit in all of the pictures.

Interactive screens allow a geographic telling of the massacre's story. They show maps of Israel's south, with dots on them, red for the murdered, dark blue for hostages, bright blue for hostages who have been returned, grey for the injured. You can tap a dot and read a story. Or you can zoom out and try to comprehend how is it possible for there to be that many dots on the maps.

"From darkness to light," reads the exhibition title. That's the perception of time in Judaism. We always move from darkness to light. And there's a section for the light, for stories of resilience, of bravery, of rehabilitation, of mutual support and caring. Filmed interviews that do their best to summarize an incomprehensible amount of good we've seen in response to an incomprehensible amount of evil. It features people from every demographic in Israel, and in that way also serves as a reminder of just how diverse we are as a society.

This part, I think to myself, was included for visitors from abroad. We Israelis, we know.

There's one story I know already. Tomer Greenberg, an Israeli officer, rescued on Oct 7 baby twins from the carnage. He was later killed fighting in Gaza. Like a puzzle, I've heard this story from several angles, including from Tomer before he died. This movie features an interview I hadn't heard yet, with the volunteer paramedic that Tomer handed the twins to. Shalom, this medic, talks about how they clung to him desperately as they got to be fed and feel safe and cared for again for the first time in what's estimated to have been 14 hours. I'm sitting there, thinking of those babies crying, not understanding why their parents aren't coming to feed them, and I don't know how to deal with this.

Shalom shares that the experiences of Oct 7 have inspired him to try and become a combative soldier, something that wasn't on the cards for him before that. I wonder again at people who can act like subjecting an entire (already traumatized) society to a sadistic massacre can liberate anyone.

And I understand Shalom fully. When your family is in the pits of hell, there's nowhere you want to be other than there, with them, doing what you can, rather than sit and watch helpless from afar. Most people would say he did a lot on that day. Shalom must have felt like that still wasn't enough.

At the very end, visitors are invited to add their own little piece of light, through neon notes and pens on which they'd share their thoughts. Nothing feels like it can sum everything I'm thinking and feeling up, but not writing anything feels worse, so my bff and I add a few of our words to the notes.

I don't have any profound conclusions for this post anymore than I did for my note. I just know that this still hurts, that we're still losing people daily, that we can't begin to heal, because we're still in the middle of the wound being inflicted. But I also know that we WILL heal, that even if the wound can't be closed yet, our collective immune system kicked into action on Oct 7 already, that we will continue to share the pain and the comfort and the care, and this massacre and war will probably never stop hurting, that we'll never be the same, but eventually we will be alright. Where people choose to care, there's just no other option.

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

[grind-pantera]

How would Noa react to human reader on her period? I’m currently on mine and got this thought!

It's like you and i are the same person bc im on mine too ( The first time in like three years, im SUFFERING, ) Let's get self-indulgent. YOLO.

READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. READ THE PROMPT ABOVE AND MAKE THE CHOICE IF YOU ARE OKAY WITH THIS CONTENT, OTHERWISE, PLEASE DO NOT READ. Ty ty.

Due to the environment and stress of living in the society you were placed in, your period was admittedly not regular though you tried your best to keep track of it. It got lost from time to time and you were left unsure when it would rear its ugly head back in. Sometimes, it was remarkably early by a few weeks, sometimes, it was at least a month late.

Your first period while with the Clan? You had nothing prepared. Nothing to ease your bleeding, nothing to ease yourself into some semblance of comfort. You quite frankly go into a small panic. You don’t know who to talk to - there’s no humans here, and Apes don’t bleed and have symptoms like Humans do. 

Oh my god avoiding Noa for the few days out of embarrassment - How do you even begin to explain to him?

Don’t think for a moment that Noa doesn’t know something is going on. The boy has an acute sense of smell. The roll of your pheromones, how they hit him and stuck around like a fog around his head,  how they adjusted ever so slightly a few days before you began ignoring him? Noted. You’re more hungry than usual - going for seconds at the evening meal. Nothing savory though - you stocked up on fruits and berries and just explained to him that the sweetness was more up your alley. He’d mention that maybe you should have some meat to balance but the absolute daggers you gave him caused him to never bring it up again. Noted. The pull to your emotions, like you were swinging from a branch, back and forth not able to teether yourself to one? You began crying one day with him next to you while watching the Baby Apes play with each other. The next moment, you were snapping at him for even looking at you. Noted. The subtle shift in your body? Becoming a bit more reserved , you often kept your hands in front of your chest, blocking him from looking at you fully? Maybe, he even notices when your arms grazed your chest that you flinched - Tender breasts. Noted. Heightened mating the last few days? Oh, absolutely noted. Not as tired as you though - Noa noticed you getting more tired during the middle of the day, asking him a few days before your period actually hit if you could go take a nap while he went with Soona and Anaya to fish. Noted.

You go to Soona and Dar in hopes that maybe you can talk to them about it and actually have them understand. You’re too embarrassed to bring this up to Noa and you doubted that he’d understand at all. Noa does show up mid-conversation though- You had been talking to Soona and Dar about something from his perspective. He doesn’t take much time to notice that, letting his green eyes rest on you for a moment longer but the tone of the voice you’re using with his Mother and Soona? Quite, hushed, like you had a secret. Noa has to admit that he’s a tiny bit intrigued and he lingers, trying to pick apart the conversation despite his brain telling him not to, that it was obviously a private matter. But… The other side of him bargained and he wondered what secret you could have that you wouldn’t want him to know about. After all, you had been avoiding him for a few days and he needed to know why if that’s what you were talking to Dar and Soona about. Admittedly, as you explained to them what was happening  ( Soona and Dar ) they were more confused than you initially wanted them to be with your vague words, having to go into more detail and explain - Which was not on your bingo-card at all. You were unsure of what words/phrases they were going to understand so you had to transverse carefully around the subject. You felt like you were going to cry from embarrassment before a look of understanding flashed from Dar.  ~*So, from listening to the conversation he was not supposed to be a part of, Noa gathered only a few things: you were going through something that affected females? Hence, why you went to Soona and Dar. You were embarrassed to talk to Noa about it, it must have been pretty contentious. And went through this consistently, albeit not regularly? It was a sign of Echo maturity, your body coming into its own. On a consistent basis? Noa was confused. How does your body do that?

Oh my god Noa asking you about it. The blood rushing to your face as he mentions that he had heard you talking to his Mother and Soona. Your first instinct is to get defensive. You cross your arms in front of your chest, pretty adamant in telling him that there was nothing going on. Noa retaliates in defense of himself and says, “I… just want to know why… you… Are ignoring me.” The spacing of his words gives away that he was being careful to choose what he told you. Irrational anger bubbled to surface and you just snapped, “I’m on my period! Okay? I already talked to Dar and Soona about it and now you’re at my throat? Period! Is that a good enough answer for you!? It’s not always about you Noa!” You storm off, leaving the Ape bewildered. You eventually do return an hour or so later, this time, incredibly apologetic with tears in your eyes as you’re muttering to him through a flood of tears, telling him all about what was happening and how you were feeling. Your cramps, the headache that wouldn’t go away, your insatiable need to eat everything insight, the pure driven desire you had to be both angry and sad at the same time. You even went as far as to tell him that you were indeed bleeding -Something Noa didn't have the heart to tell you that he was aware of. Remember that acute sense of smell? He noticed it. He noticed it the last few days, figuring you would bring it up when you were ready. Noa pulls you into him, lightly pressing his forehead against yours. He’s still not 100% on the details but… He hated to see you cry. Hated to see you angry as well. He tells you that it’s okay, to calm down and that it’ll all be okay.  Those swinging emotions he recalled from a few days before your period? Yeah, they happen during as well and you flew off the handle. “I am calm! What makes you think I’m not?” You groaned, pulling away from him, “I’m going to lay down.” He just watches wordlessly as you walk away; wondering what he said that was so offensive.

He definitely begins to track it with fever though; just another thing for him to notice about you,  and he really did his best to be accommodating despite not fully understanding the reason why you went through it. He would tell you when he knew it was coming, something that you actually came to gratefully accept because the mutiny that was your body made it hard to track yourself.

Uhm hello? Noa bringing you an herbal drink that the Elders swore by to help with mild pain in the body. Usually, it was Apes that had joint problems from age, or some from injury, but the drink did help ease your headache and cramps to a semi-bearable state.

He scours the dinner for the most sweet berries and fruits. Noa is able to tell from look and feel which ones would be more welcomed by you and he’s always so diligent to bring you two bowls. One for now, one for later.

OHHhhh my god Noa resting his hands on your stomach when you’re tangled in the nest together. He can sense the discomfort you’re in. You had tossed and turned almost the entire night, keeping the two of you awake. Now that it was dusk, you felt more at ease as he placed a hand on the lower part of your abdomen and groaned at the pleasure of feeling his heated skin.  ~*Definitely becomes more of a coping action that Noa works around. If Noa senses you’re feeling either nauseated or in pain, he’s rather quick to pull you into him and ease it the best he can. Favorite position? You’re laying on your side and he is spooning you from behind. Hands on your lower stomach, lightly at first but more intense if you’re craving more pressure and heat from him. He’s noticed you like to fall asleep like that. And he’s more than willing to oblige. 

Ah god the forehead touches when you have a headache? Someone sedate me. ~* He really gets into it and will wrap his hands around your head, his fingers almost meeting at the back of your neck. The heat from his hands feels absolutely euphoric against your temples as he pulls you towards him. You fall lax against him and ultimately let Noa pull you into his lap. Hands run from the back of your neck down to your lower back. He’ll place tender touches there too, knowing that lower back pain was also common.

[dira333]

Care too much - Tsukishima x Reader

If you ever dare to ask me about the lore behind this, better be prepared.

Tagging: @lees-chaotic-brain @fuzztacular @melfromwonderland @qardasngan @xangel-8 @lemurzsquad

“Toss to me Senpai?” Hinata’s voice cuts through the usual after-training chatter like a hot knife through butter. Tsukishima wishes for his headphones, but those are out of reach.

“Your enthusiasm is admirable, Hinata-” Ennoshita starts, clearly trying to help.

“I’d love to,” you say, “but we have to keep the others in mind. Surely everyone else wants to go home.”

Tsukishima does. They are training more than hard enough and he’s still got homework to get to, not to mention the math exam he needs to prepare for. He only realizes that he’s still looking in your direction when you turn your head and catch his eye, sending him one of those calm smiles he’s learned to expect from you.

He turns away, but not fast enough. Yamaguchi sends him a questioning look.

At least his best friend is smart enough not to ask about it when others are present.

.

“How are you keeping up?” You ask, falling into step alongside him. Yamaguchi tenses to his right, but no one else seems to think it weird that you’re talking to them.

You’re friendly to everyone, but Hinata quickly claimed your attention. He was the one who found out you played Volleyball before you moved and even though he lacked the brain, he did not miss the fact that you’re talented.

Ennoshita and the more sensible second-years are never far from you and are most likely the reason you joined their team as assistant Coach instead of the girls.

“Tsukishima?” Your voice cuts through his musings. He flinches and turns, surprised to hear Yamaguchi muffle a snort behind his hand.

“Sorry, I was lost in thought.”

“I’ve noticed. Is the training regimen too much?”

“No,” he sounds a little too defensive, he thinks, but he doesn’t want you to think he’s lacking. “No, it’s just… I was thinking about the upcoming math exam.”

You nod. “I understand. How are you doing in that subject?”

It’s easy to talk to you, Tsukishima realizes. He might not like spending so much time with hotheads like Hinata and Kageyama, but Volleyball Club isn’t all that bad if it means spending time with sensible people like you. And the others, he immediately follows up, as if to defend his thoughts to himself. You’re not the only sensible person on the team.

-

“Here,” you hand him a bottle, “drink this.”

“What is it?” Tsukishima asks, a little annoyed. He doesn’t like admitting it, but he’s thankful for all the tips he’s gotten from Kuroo, even though he still hasn’t figured out why he does it. Is he trying to fool him, teach him something he can exploit later? Whatever the reason, he’s started butting into things that don’t concern him. And if you’re now digging into his small appetite as well, he’s going to-

“It helps,” you explain calmly, “my Dad showed me. I don’t have that much of an appetite but I need, I mean, needed the calories. It’s a little trick. Try it, see if you like it.”

It tastes like strawberries and cream, has the consistency of a milkshake.

“Thanks,” he mutters, a little lost in his feelings.

Your hand is warm on his shoulder, the grip strong. It sends a strange flutter through his body that he likes as much as he despises it.

.

“Do you have a minute?” You ask, meeting him in the darkness. Behind him the warm light of a now deserted Gym, behind you the dimly lit hallways that lead to the bathrooms.

“Sure,” Tsukishima agrees because it’s you. His feet follow your direction as you lead him down the path, away from the bathrooms and the Gyms. You don’t speak for a while and even though he’s tired and sweaty, he can’t argue about the calmness of the moment.

That is, until you turn at the sound of an animal and your hand brushes his, knuckles over knuckles, skin slick with sweat. 

It’s only for a second, maybe even less, but he can feel himself moving, grasping for your hand as if to hold it. And isn’t that ridiculous?

“You wanted to talk about something?” Tsukishima says, heart in his throat as he balls his hands to fists, fighting against something in him he cannot begin to explain, to understand.

“Yes.” You nod, look at the ground first, then up at him. “I wanted to ask what you think of yourself.”

His tongue feels too large for his mouth. Do you know what he’s been thinking about lately?

“I know Yamaguchi already talked to you, he told me bits and pieces of it. I wanted to talk to you too, but I…” you laugh abruptly, “well, it seems he was faster. Tsukishima, do you think you’re less than… than the others?”

“Never,” his mouth says when his heart screams Of course!

You smile in a way that tells him that you’ve already seen through him.

“This is a training camp,” you tell him and he can’t help but admire how you brush against the topic with such a gentle hand, “I won’t take too much of your attention. I’m gonna give you my number, okay, and we can talk about this some more when we’re home and have a bit of free time to our hands.”

He laughs. The idea of free time has long turned unfamiliar. 

“Poor Tsukishima,” you smile with a smile that has his heart bubbling, “it seems I’m going to have to help you.”

-

“Tsukishima-Senpai?” One of the new first-years asks and it’s so weird, isn’t it, to be in the middle like that. Still looking up to the Third-Years, but well aware of the example you’re supposed to be giving.

“Yes?”

“I was told- uh, I was told to take this form to the Coach, but I can’t find them anywhere and I don’t know- uh, Hinata-Senpai said I should ask you or, or the Captain, but I’m-”

“Look,” he grabs the boy’s shoulder and turns him a little until he can see you, sitting next to Takeda-Sensei, smiling a little at Nishinoya’s and Tanaka’s antics, “You can go and ask our assistant Coach.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m one hundred percent positive that she’s not going to bite off your head if you ask her something. I might, however.”

Yamaguchi sidles up to him the moment the younger boy runs off, grinning in a way that tells Tsukishima he heard every word.

“Hush,” he tells his best friend, “you heard nothing.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell on you. It’s weird to have our Third-Years missing, isn’t it? I miss Suga’s gentle hand.”

Tsukishima sighs. Yes. Ennoshita’s a good Captain, but he’s still a little unsure of himself. His eyes find you without meaning too, catch the smile you share with the shy First-Year.

“We still have a gentle hand. If we do our best we might even be able to show it ourselves next year.”

Yamaguchi laughs, clearly surprised. But he’s still his best friend, dropping the topic when it becomes clear he doesn’t want to talk about it anymore.

.

“Is that seat taken?” You ask, voice barely audible. He takes his backpack off the chair and watches you slide in, the mountain of books in your arms a clear sign of the upcoming exams.

Tsukishima doesn’t want you to leave. Not this school, not this team. Not- no, he’s not going to go there.

You catch him looking, send him the calm smile he’s grown fond of, maybe even addicted.

There’s the sound of paper ripping and a little folded up note lands in his lap. 

His hands shake a little when he opens it up, your handwriting is neat, the ink not yet dried, smudging as he smoothes the paper.

Can we go for a drink later? I need to tell you something.

His heart thumbs uncomfortably in his throat when he looks up, your smile is bittersweet.

Whatever his heart is wishing for, his head already knows that it won’t be the topic you’ve chosen today.

And he’s right.

You’re not confessing to him, nor are you addressing his own, deep seated, carefully hidden feelings for you. 

The truth is worse and better at the same time.

You’re leaving, right after graduation.

And though you promise to keep in contact, a part of him sighs in relief.

Maybe, through distance, his heart will let go of this ridiculous idea.

After all, there are not many people he admires in this world, but he’s not dumb enough to think he could be a match for one of them.

-

His throat is dry, his nose clogged and he can barely see but his blaring phone does not care about that at all.

It takes him a moment to find it amongst the used tissues, one more to figure out how to pick up the call.

“I’m not sick,” he grunts into the little device, expecting yet another one of Yamaguchi’s worried Check-Ins.

“You do sound like it though,” your voice answers and the shiver it sends all over his body is most definitely not from the fever he’s been fighting.

“W-well, I’m not,” he stutters, looking for his glasses. He feels vulnerable without them, even more so with you on the phone.

How long has it been that he’s heard your voice?

“Well, if you’re not sick, how come that Yamaguchi asked me to check in on you?”

“He did? He’s worried for nothing, that’s all.”

“Mhm,” the little sound you make in the back of your throat does weird things to his stomach, “So you did not not pick up the phone yesterday after he brought you home with a high fever the day before that?”

“What are you, our mother?” He asks, words slipping from his raw throat. He regrets them the moment he hears them, even more when your answer is silence.

“Do you see me as a mother figure?” You ask and there’s a new feeling in his stomach, one that’s asking him to find the nearest bathroom before he’s starting to heave.

“No, I-” Tsukishima doesn’t know how to explain himself, or what to say without giving himself away. So he says nothing and neither do you.

Eventually though, he has to make a sound, mainly because he can’t keep from coughing for more than a few minutes.

“Tsukishima,” you ask, voice grown up and small at the same time, “tell me, how are you? We haven’t spoken in a while.”

If your conversation only grazes the surface of what he wants to talk about it’s his fault and his fault alone.

.

“I really like you,” the girl tells him, a little box of chocolates in her hands. “Will you be my boyfriend?”

She’s brave, to ask like this. Just this morning another girl from his class confessed to him. He’s forgotten her name on purpose but he’s not blind to how well-liked she was among her peers. 

This girl, however, isn’t. She’s too tall for a girl, some say, too shy to be class president, too lanky to be good in sports. But she’s got a calm smile that reminds him of you and maybe that’s the reason he accepts, with a guilty heart and a knot in his stomach.

Maybe all he needs is someone else to fall in love with.

He knows it’s stupid, but he’s never been smart when it came to his heart.

-

“It’s a clean break.”

“It will heal fast, no lasting damages.”

“At least now you’ll have time to focus on your schoolwork. College is no joke.”

“Do you need my help, Tsukki? I can take a few days off work until you’re settled.”

He doesn’t want help. He might need it, but he doesn’t want it.

He doesn’t want company either, because none of them know what to do with him. 

He’s miserable company on his best days but breaking his finger will leave even someone as cheerful as Hinata in a slump.

But, he thinks bitterly, things like that don’t happen to Hinata. Or Kageyama. 

No, those things happen to him, right when he’s finally got a starter position in his College team. Right when he feels almost comfortable in his life.

So it’s not unreasonable for him not to want to talk to people.

If only the people would realize that and leave him alone.

.

First, it was the doorbell. Then came the knocking. Now someone’s calling his name.

“I’m coming!” Tsukishima’s not expecting anyone but if he had to guess, he’d say his brother made his way over. Akiteru has yet to learn when to keep away.

He fumbles with the keys, his cast as usual in the way.

The door opens wide and he stills, too aware of you to be aware of himself.

You look gorgeous. Your hair’s a mess, your eyes red and overshadowed by exhaustion, your shirt looks like you slept in it. His hand reaches out, faster than his brain can keep up, tapping your shoulder to make sure you’re real.

“Yes, it’s me,” you tell him, half a grin on your face, “let me in?”

Tsukishima steps aside, only now realizing he’s wearing boxer shorts and socks and nothing more. Heat crawls up his throat and he thunders down the hallway and into his bedroom to get dressed the best he can. 

“What are you doing here?” He asks, anger lacing his voice to hide his shame. “Last time we talked you were-”

“Halfway back to Japan,” you interrupt him from the doorway. “It’s not official yet, but I’m starting as Assistant Coach for the Sendai Frogs next month. It’s just a Division 2 team, but it’s a start.”

He stills, not just because his arm is stuck in his shirt. 

“You’re moving back to Japan?”

“Well, I was planning to,” you joke, “kinda hard to Coach a Japanese Team when you’re living in Argentina. Can I help you with that?”

“I’m fine,” he argues.

“That you are.” There’s a teasing lilt to your words that has his ears burning. 

He’s twenty years old, not fifteen.

“When did you arrive?” He’s trying his best but his arm is stuck. You’re halfway through the room before he can speak up, hands warm as you help him out of his misery.

“Half an hour ago.” 

You’re too close, but too far away. This is not- Can he still blame it on the painkillers if he took the last one this morning? He opens his mouth to ask you when he realizes that you’re the last person he should ask about this. But-

“Tsukishima?” You ask, voice soft, smile calm like he’s grown to love. “You’re in your head again.”

“Yeah, sure,” he nods, “How did you know?”

“You mumble your thoughts when you’re like that,” you point out and he might have caught it, the meaning those words carry, if your hand hadn’t reached up to cradle his cheek.

His eyes close for a brief second. In that darkness, there’s just your touch, the warmth of your hand.

His eyes flicker open again. You’re closer now and though he shouldn’t his eyes flicker to your lips, dry and chapped from a long flight.

“Do you love me, Tsukishima?” You ask. He leans in to kiss you. He’ll just blame it on the painkillers later.

.

“You had a crush on me,” Tsukishima points out, half dumbfounded, half giddy about the revelation.

“We just became a couple,” you point out, drawing your finger through the air to literally point at the way you’re sitting, your legs over his, ankles crossed, your face smushed against his shoulder. Your jetlag and his exhaustion do not mix well. Or maybe they mix perfectly, who knows at this point?

“Still,” he lets the truth linger on his tongue. It tastes delicious, like victory.

“But I think you were crushing on me first.”

“Well, we could fight about that,” he says with the air of someone who’s already won. 

You snicker. “I am sure we will. But, Kei-” You stop when he shivers, the sound of his first name on your tongue still a little too indecent for this early hour. “I wanna talk some more about this. I had this big speech planned and-”

He leans in, presses his lips against yours. Once, twice, some more because he can, because he’s allowed to, one more just because.

“I think we should sleep first, talk later,” he can feel you smile, lips against lips, nose bumping his, “we’ve got all the time to talk about it in the morning.”

“Look at you, trying to be reasonable,” you coo, “You’ve grown so fast.”

-

“I still can’t believe it,” Hinata says, clearly a little miffed that his favorite Senpai picked Tsukishima over him. “He’s so mean all the time. Are you being held captive?”

You laugh easily. “No, but better make sure Kei’s here on his own free will. He might be the one being blackmailed.”

“Well, I can see it,” Sugawara declares friendly, “Tsukishima and you always got along. Two pees in a pod, really.” He winks.

“Doesn’t matter anyway,” Tsukishima declares with the air of someone who could care less. Your hand squeezes his and he knows he’s been found out. You know he cares. A little too much most of the time.

Buy me a Coffee?

[echoingspectrum]

𝑅𝑒𝑠𝑢𝑟𝑔𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝑀𝑒𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑠

𝑐𝑟𝑒𝑑𝑖𝑡: 𝑦𝑒𝑢𝑟𝑖𝑒 ( 𝑡𝑤𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟 )

Inviting Dan Feng to a Starskiff cruise around the fleet for a leisure outing was a bold move by yours truly. You just thought he needed some break for working hours tiredly between a High Cloud Quintet and being a High Elder at the same time.

Surely, this would give him the opportunity to relax and unwind from his demanding responsibilities. As a close friend of his, you knew that Dan deserved a chance to escape the pressure of his busy life and enjoy some well-deserved time off.

If it means having your back ache from all dragging him to the designated location, whether he likes it or not...

The Starskiff cruise promised breathtaking views and luxurious amenities, making it the perfect setting to rejuvenate from a hectic schedule. So this opportunity cannot be missed.

Behind you, you heard a sigh as the two of you strolled toward in silence. It wasn't an uncomfortable feeling, but rather a shared understanding of the need for this getaway.

"Was this necessary?" Dan Feng inquired frankly. "You, out of all people, know how much I value my time on duty rather than these shenanigans of yours."

"If your work is really that important, you wouldn't be here now, would it?" You teased, raising an eyebrow. "Besides, everyone needs a break once in a while, even the most dedicated workaholics like you."

"I'm not a workaholic."

"Your eyebags said otherwise."

The high elder could only grumble in response, but the corners of his mouth twitched slightly, betraying a hint of amusement.

The tension between them seemed to dissipate as the two of you continued your walk, with the sound of the wind rustling through the atlas providing a calming backdrop to your conversation.

"So..." You paused, glancing over at the high elder. "What's really been bothering you lately?"

The high elder's expression softened slightly at your question, and he let out a weary sigh. He seemed hesitant for a moment, as if he were reluctant to admit the truth.

"I suppose I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed lately," he admitted, his voice tinged with fatigue. "There are numerous responsibilities on my shoulders, and it's beginning to weigh me down a bit."

He took a deep breath, letting the wind and the resonance of the atlas soothe his weary mind. You nodded, understanding his words. Although you never know what the burdening pressure of leadership truly felt like, you could empathize with the toll it was taking on him.

"I can only imagine," you said sympathetically. "But you always seem to handle everything so well. How do you do it?"

The high elder chuckled softly, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

"I wouldn't say I handle everything well," he said with a wry smile. "I have my moments of doubt and frustration just like everyone else. I just try to stay level-headed and prioritize what needs to be done first."

He paused, looking out at the landscape before continuing, "But it does get lonely at times, having all this responsibility on my shoulders. It can be a heavy burden to carry."

Sighing, his turquoise eyes then glint toward you. Despite the midnight vignette that surrounds you, his eyes often shine under the moonlight's soft glow, conveying a sense of vulnerability hidden beneath his usual stoicism. You could see a flicker of sentiment like nostalgia and yearning flash across his face.

"I often wish..." His voice came out soft and wistful. "Prior to this day, I longed for those days where we often indulged ourselves together, carefree and without a worry in the world. Those memories are what keep me going in the darkest of times."

For a brief moment, it was as if he was lost in thought, his expression uncharacteristically open and vulnerable.

You couldn't help but notice the change in his demeanor. You felt a sudden rush of heat to your face, your heart skipping a beat. The realization that he might be missing your presence made you feel both surprised and a little flustered.

'Get it together! RAHFHWEBNEHFHC⏤'

"I too missed our moments together." You felt your lips twitching upward. Your thoughts whirls like a turbulent hurricane yet you stayed composed.

Tender moments like these, where emotions were raw and unguarded, were rare but cherished.

The unspoken connection between you both was perceptible—a silent understanding that transcended words.

Not before long, the Starskiff ship you had rented for both you and Dan Feng was ready to set sail across the vast expanse of the Xianzhou Luofu. The sail unfurled with a gentle whoosh, carrying you both into the unknown trip that awaited.

Stars illuminated the midnight atlas, adding a touch of romance to the journey ahead. The cool night air wrapped around you like a comforting blanket as you leaned against the railing and let yourself be carried away by the gentle sway of the ship.

You enjoyed the stillness of the night while your companion relished the scene before him. He silently spectated your every move with lingering affection. You look so peaceful, staring upon the expanse of the universe above the both of you.

His heart swelled with endearment as he watched you enjoying this evening rendezvous with a set of merriment⏤ feeling grateful for this moment of tranquility together. The soft glow of the starlight seemed to reflect the warmth of his feelings for you.

He doesn't normally indulge himself in the subject of romance, believing that it would add to his sense of obligation which already brimmed with his responsibilities of his current status.

But alas, you are an exception. Oh, how fortunate you are~ In this very moment, he couldn't help but feel flooded by the depth of his emotions.

As the ship continued its journey through the night, he made a silent vow to cherish these moments with you for as long as he could.

'I wonder if our future aligns with the stars.' He thought to himself, uncertain for the forthcoming events that would inevitably change the very course of your lives.

The gentle hum of the ship's engines seemed to echo his sentiment, creating a sense of harmony between the two of you and the vast universe surrounding you.

"Welcome to the Starskiff Jetty. A port for all Starskiff ships lands and takes off. I'm certain you are aware that this is the official entrance to the Xianzhou Luofu." The tour guide optimistically gestured towards the bustling crowd of travelers.

After the big event that transpired, you and Dan Heng thought to take a stroll through the bustling streets of his home planet. Why not? Take it as a reward for all the assistance that the Astral Express has provided.

You tugged at the ens of his sleeves and suggested, "Dan Heng, let's ride a starskiff!"

Stream of jaded nostalgia seem to caress his mind for a second.

Like a child filled with wonders and curiosity, the said man only sighed at your enthusiasm and replied, "I suppose we could, but let's make sure to be back in time for the departure of the Astral Express."

And with that, you both set off towards the Starskiff rental station, taking a Starskiff cruise around the bustling town.

Oh, the faded memories are soon to resurface. 

[songmingisthighs]

Oddeleny

introduction pt. i | pt. ii | pt. iii

<< previous | m.list | next >>

ch. xx - plan z

ghost!yeosang × reader

wc: 1.4 k

genre : ghost!au

rating, warning : mature; crude jokes and filthy language, mentions of attempted murder, depiction of trauma (described) fear, hitting

buy me coffee ?

a connection once had, broken with the expectation that the ending is final. but life has an odd proclivity of making attachments from detachments. in the end, we don't know what we lost until we look at what we have

You could hear your heart pounding in your ears and the vibration was so prominent that you were sure that it was beating right against your skin.

You were never a fan of hospitals what with the two most traumatic experiences of your life happened at the hospital. The first one was when your grandfather was officially pronounced dead and your parents blamed you for your 'negligence'. You were a child, you thought your grandpa was napping, it was just a freak situation that had your parents been there too, they wouldn't have been able to foresee or avoid. The second one was when your parents dragged you by the collar of your uniform (literally) to apologize to Yeosang for almost killing him and seeing Yeosang avoiding your gaze, not even acknowledging you nor the fact that your father had you bowing to the floor so harshly that there was a bruise on your forehead. Not even your sobs and your apology which ultimately became the ammo they wield in their weapon to get you thrown out of school because it was a "confession". Coercion was never questioned and the fact that no one was backing you up because you were an outcast didn't help.

So now, back in the hospital with an unconscious Yeosang in front of you started stirring some anxiety back. You hesitated to make a move because Yeosang's unchanging look made you think that something bad was going to happen. As ridiculous as it was, you did think that your parents would suddenly barge in and throw you to the floor and force you to beg for forgiveness again.

"What are you doing?"

The voice from your phone almost gave you a heart attack but thankfully you recovered immediately. "What the hell is wrong with you?" you hissed as you brought your phone to your face and glared at Yeosang who was on the screen, "What did I tell you about suddenly showing your face like this? I almost shat myself you asshole." Yeosang cringed and shook his head, "Yeah, that's not something I need to know. Why are you just standing there?" you look between your screen and the body lying on the bed a couple of times before answering, "This is a lot freaky for me, okay? To be honest, until 2 minutes ago, I still believed that you were not in a coma and were just pranking me to extort something out of me." Thankfully, Yeosang was understanding to your predicament, only nodding and letting you take steps forward at your own pace until you stood next to his physical body.

"Okay, so how are we doing this?" you asked, "Do I just... Plug you in?" you looked around to see if there was any way you could... Transfer? Him? "Do you think this is like a data transfer?" he asked, unsure as well. "I don't know what this is like, it's not like your soul came with an instruction," you deadpanned and he rolled his eyes, "I'm equally stumped so let's not be snarky," you couldn't help but mock him because while he had a point, it was annoying.

Without thinking, you tried a bunch of stuff from putting the phone in his hand to pressing the phone on his forehead, both the front and back. This made Yeosang sigh loudly, "Do you think I'm Bluetooth transferable or NFT readable or something?" he sounded exasperated you couldn't blame him because his body was just there and he was so close to returning but you were trying your best. "Hey, at least I'm trying here. I'm risking A LOT to be here and it's not like you're giving out ideas on what to do!" you exclaimed angrily. Yeosang opened his mouth to answer but you held a hand up, "No, you listen to me first. I'm doing this out of the kindness of my own heart and you're just pressuring me to try and try and try and I am trying and I'm so pissed at you for only bitching and not doing anything to help either of us in this situation!" "I would help if I could but my movements and reach are VERY restricted! I'm scared, okay? I can see the way I'm just right there and it looks like I'm just sleeping but I'm not! My soul is stuck in a tin can like sardines!" he fought back.

Although you wanted to respond, something he said struck you and an idea popped up.

You slapped Yeosang's physical body and the Yeosang that was in your monitor reeled from the impact.

"Hey!" he exclaimed and he was about to angrily tell you off when he realized that he felt something. "Oh my God, what did you do?" he asked, now amazed. So you tried again, this time slapping him from the other side and he responded accordingly, reeling to the other side.

"Can you feel that?" you asked, amazed at the reaction. When Yeosang nodded, you hit him again and this time his physical body stirred at the same time your screen started glitching. "Yes!" you exclaimed loudly.

Your phone became even more glitchy despite you not hitting Yeosang's physical body but for a moment, you truly believed that he was about to wake up. "One more! (y/n), one more!" Yeosang's voice boomed from your phone and despite the cracking and delay, you could hear what he said.

So you did as told.

Hoping that this was it, you slapped Yeosang's physical body again and this time, you saw his eyes fluttered open slowly.

For the first time in almost one and a half decades, you were looking into the eyes of someone who you used to care for a lot. You had once thought that seeing Yeosang again would be painful, that you would hate it and that you would probably want to run away from it. But no, all you felt was glad and you couldn't help but crack a smile the same time Yeosang almost too.

But, your feeling was right.

All of a sudden, the door barged open and you were suddenly yanked back while someone, in a flash, headed over to Yeosang's side to reach over to the buttons above his head and pressed something that made an alarm ring. You looked up to see a face that cursed you at your last meeting and in fear, you turned to look at Yeosang. Your heart sank when you saw that his eyes were back to being closed as if he hadn't just opened his eyes merely seconds ago.

The chaos that erupted caused your ears to ring because all you could think about was how you came so close to getting Yeosang back only for it to fail so miserably.

You didn't even know what happened until you were grabbed by the shoulders and shook violently.

"Was the first attempt not enough for you?"

It was confusing. It took a moment for you to focus but when you did you were met with the face of the other person who cursed you at your last meeting.

Yeosang's mom was hitting you as his dad handed you over to a nurse who immediately escorted you out.

"I- I was-" you tried defending yourself but his mom kept following and hitting you, "I saw you! I saw you hit him! You wanted to kill him because you failed last time, you wretched girl! How can you live with yourself? How can you do this to someone innocent?"She cried, screamed, really which then became an announcement to the whole VIP coma ward, allowing people who were in the hallway to stare and whisper while the people in the other rooms who got curious stepped out to see the commotion.

Noises mingling together between Yeosang's mom's screams of hurtful accusation at you, his dad who was trying to get her to go see if their son was okay, Yunho and Jongho who did their to shield you from the impact while telling Yeosang's mom to back off, and Hongjoong who clawed the nurse off of you so he could cover you instead.

Your head was buzzing and there were pins and needles prickling your fingertips. So you closed your eyes and let your friends take you away, you let them lead you to wherever you needed to go because, at that moment, you were not the you that had grown. At that moment, you were the 12-year-old middle school student who got accused of attempted murder.

And it was terrifying.

network :

@cultofdionysusnet @sandsofire @kflixnet @pirateeznet

taglist :

@luvt0kki @aestheticsluut @stayatinykatsy @miaatiny @yukichan67 @maidens-world @wlv-asteria @bee-the-loser @junstulip @keinskpopcorner @donghyuckanti27 @axo-l0tl @aurora-tiny @cyber-innie @oddracha @dinossaurz @vcutparis @redzie02 @blackb3ll @mizumigi @jan-l @zoro-nanami-wifey @charreddonuts @angelicyeo @green-agent @teenyfinds @gxlden-bxbyy @that-irrelevant-ricecakeaddict @tinyelfperson @jenowithjaem @mayonnaisehoeshit @allisonleannn @raspberrysannie @surveilenceysystem @borahae-reads @watanabehan @boo-ven9eance @cosmolight

@starjoongie1117 @rheriver

[k-slla]

Fate, Or Something Like It | part 2 (SMUT)

A/N: So here it is! And it...is porn. Basically.🫣

This is a part 2 to a request I got sent and picks up right where we left of so If you haven't read part 1 yet, you can do it here :) (But you don't have to ofc:))

Pairing: Soldier Boy x Supe!Reader

Warnings: 18+ONLY-MDNI, OOC Ben, Dom!Ben, language, dirty talking, unprotected PinV (you know better than them, don't you?), oral (m and f receiving), slight dacryphilia, orgasm denial, degrading, praise kink, rough sex, choking, fingering, breeding kink, begging, overstimulation, hair pulling, fluff and angst(don't ask how these got lost in here😅) - I hope I didn't miss any.

Word count: ~9,2k │My Masterlist

A/N2: Just want to say that, as I understand, it is widely said that Ben actually didn't fight in WWll, but I sent him there for sure, just for this fic (even if it's just mentioned, I thought I'd clarify that :)

ENJOY!

You blinked at him like a deer in headlights when you saw Ben's eyes immediately fixing on the toy in your hands, and he raised his brows. “That's what you're using?” Low chuckle left his lips. “Honestly. I'm offended. You have a perfect cock on demand on the other side of your door, and that's what you choose?”

Ben walked towards your bed and just stood there, looking down on you, a smirk on his lips. “Tell me, Y/N, would that really get you off? Would that really give you what you need?” He asked, words slowly rolling off his lips and then nodded towards the pink vibrator in your hands. You looked down at it, and decided to give in to his little power play he kept going on. You knew you wanted it, why torture yourself more?

You swallowed hard, before looking up at him from under your lashes. “No, Ben, it wouldn't.”

The bed creaked slightly under his weight as he kneeled down on it and pulled you onto your knees to face him. The intensity of his gaze made you lightheaded.

“What would make you come then?” He teasingly brushed his thumb over your trembling lips.

“I- y-y..” You tried. You tried to get some words out, but you were not making sense even to yourself. What is wrong with me?

Ben roughly grabbed your jaw, the suddenness of his move made you whimper loudly and you felt the arousal pool between your legs. He lowered himself close to your face, lips almost touching yours. “I already know the answer. Do you know the answer?”

You gulped, berating yourself in your head. Get a fucking grip, Y/N. You wanted this.

Taking a deep breath in, you tried to steady your voice before answering him. “You.” You swallowed again. “You would, Ben.”

His kiss was electrifying to the rest of your body. Goosebumps rose on your skin and it felt like your first time all over; your heart thumped loud and head started to spin almost immediately. Ben's lips were soft, but the force they latched onto yours was knee-weakening. And it ended too soon. You hungrily chased after his lips when he pulled away.

“Aren't you a needy one?” He laughed when he pulled you up with him from the bed. He took his time to admire you standing in front of him, only in your tank top, that left a little to nothing to imagination with the way it showcased your nipples through the thin fabric.

Ben lightly ran his hand over your bare thighs, moving slowly upward, making you shiver under his touch. He locked it in your loose bun, tugging your hair slightly. With the other hand he grabbed yours and placed it directly over his tented sweatpants.

“Feel this? This is because of you.” You started to rub him over the pants, enticing a low hum out of him. You looked down at his cock still covered by those stupid sweatpants and let out a shuddering breath in anticipation.

“You want this, don't you? Want me to fuck your little cunt instead of that toy?” His voice was low and breathy, but his fist tugged harder on your hair. You nodded eagerly.

“I knew it. You were just too cowardly to ask for it, right?”

“Please. Yes, Ben.”

He picked you up and walked back into the living room, kissed you harshly once more, ending it this time with a sharp bite on your lower lip.

“Can't even tell you how many times, even just today I imagined those beautiful lips around my cock.” You grabbed onto his hair and pulled him back into the kiss. He wasn't quite fond of the way you tried to take control and shoved his fingers between your legs, starting to rub your clit mercilessly. Unable to speak, you grasped onto his shirt and let your head fall down to his chest. You could feel yourself closing in already to climax, a sweet sensation building inside you. “What did you try to do, sweetheart? Huh?” With his free hand he harshly grabbed your chin to look up. “You tried to take control?” Ben smiled down at you arrogantly. “This will teach you.” He suddenly pulled away his hand from between your legs, making you cry out from the loss of your long-awaited release.

“You want to go back to your toy there?” He murmured into your ear and turned you around in his arms to face your room, fingers digging deep into your hips.

“No.” You managed to whisper.

He pulled you backwards back into him, and you could feel his rock solid cock pressing into your lower back. “Will you then take what I'll give you?” He asked slowly.

“Yes.”

You didn't see his face, but you heard from his voice he was grinning next to your ear. “Will I hear you complaining?”

“No, Ben.”

He turned you back around to face him and smiled sweetly this time. But that smile made you afraid of what was coming. “On your knees then.”

You kept eye contact as you sank down to your knees in front of him. “Open up. Good girl.” He praised you as you opened your mouth, waiting for his next move. He slowly slid his thumb in and as you promised not to complain, you hid your disappointment of that not being his cock, and closed your lips around him, starting to suck on it. Swirling your tongue around him, you tried to keep your best behavior, hoping he'd keep his games slow with you, because you had no idea for how long you would be able to take his teasing.

Ben knew exactly how he was torturing you. He knew how each of his words and little moves made you flood for him. But that didn't make him move any faster. He pulled his thumb from your lips and cupped your cheek. “You are such a pretty sight, just waiting to be fucked. I bet you'll take my cock as well, won't you?” You nodded desperately. His praises had you shaking in front of him already.

You kneeled on the floor, waiting for him to continue, but Ben decided to take his time, enjoying the view of you. It had been a while since he was with someone as young as you. He had a preference for older women, for a reason. He had told you before that it was ‘experience’, but in reality there were no permanent consequences with them. Seeing you down in front of him though, definitely made Ben want to shoot his swimmers up in you, giving you no choice but to carry his babies. He knew that deep inside you'd want that. It was written all over your face.

Unhurriedly he removed his shirt and threw it to the couch behind him.

“Arms up.” You raised your hands and he pulled off the remaining piece of clothing you had left, leaving you there bare, shivering and dripping in between your legs.

“Ben, please.” You begged quietly for him to hurry up.

“ ‘Ben please’ what?” He repeated your plea. He finally took off his pants and was standing before in all his glory. It was hard for you to pull your attention away enough to answer him.

“Please hurry, I need it..” you whined, but Ben took a step back and tsked in disapproval, shutting you up immediately. He slowly began stroking his dick while towering above you, loving the hungry look on your face.

“That to me sounds like a complaint. Do you even want to cum today?” He looked at you expectantly. “Go on. Answer me.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Will you take what I'll give you?” He repeated himself again from before.

You nodded, almost desperate now. “Yes.”

Ben stepped towards you, strictly staring you down. “Will you keep complaining?”

You turned your eyes down under his heated gaze. “No.”

“Don't turn away now, Y/N. Look at me.” You turned to look up at him again through your lashes, staring right into his lust blown green, with a hint of smile on your face. “You'll take what I'll give you and I don't want to hear another word. Understand?” He looked questioningly at you and you nodded agreeingly.

You were aching for him all over your body. You wanted to tell him to hurry up, but this time knew better to hold your tongue.

“Open up.” He said softer this time and you perked up excitedly. “Oh, you are eager to get it, aren't you? To suck my cock, huh?” He brushed his thumb teasingly over the tip, pulling a needy whimper out of you at the sight.

But you said nothing this time, and obediently opened your mouth wide, pushing your tongue out waiting. Ben finally closed the distance between you and slowly guided himself into your mouth. “Ahh, fuck.. I've been waiting for this.” He muttered under his breath before letting out a long exhale. His cock rested on your tongue for a while, wide and heavy before he started to thrust. For a minute he kept his moves slow and eased, deceiving you with his intentions and clouding your mind with anticipation. You should've known better than that he would take it slow.

As soon as you relaxed before him, he started to quickly pick up the pace, making you brace yourself on his hips. Ben held tightly onto your hair to hold you in place for his steadily growing speed, while you tried to keep breathing through your nose. Tears started stinging in your eyes with each time his cock kept hitting the deepest spot in your throat roughly, but nevertheless you kept moaning under him.

"Oh, you like that?" Ben's grip tightened in your hair as you looked up and only managed to just nod in agreement. You hollowed out your cheeks for him, moaning in front of him and Ben didn't show a single sign of stopping fucking your throat ruthlessly. And you didn't want him to.

You must've looked like a mess already with spit and tears running down your cheeks, but you couldn't care less. And by the sounds leaving Ben's lips you knew that he enjoyed the look on your face, too. Maybe a little too much even.

Only obscene moans and grunts from both of you filled the apartment as he continued his attack on your mouth for what seemed forever, without slowing down.

Almost choking on your own spit, you had to finally tap out. After a few last deeper thrusts, Ben pulled out, string of saliva dripping from the tip of his cock. You gasped and coughed loudly and sat back on your heels, smiling up at Ben as he stroked your tear-stained cheeks. “You took it real’ well, doll.” He muttered his praises as he gently helped you to stand up.

Ben pulled you again into a kiss while his hands roamed over your ass, squeezing hard. Carefully to not make you trip he started to move towards the kitchen.

You closed your eyes and a picture of him standing in front of you in his robe just a few days ago came up in your mind when his sloppy kisses moved down to your neck. Only now you had him for yourself completely. “Oh, Ben...” You sighed when his beard tickled your skin sweetly, and you turned your head to give him more access while your fingers wrapped around his dick at the same time. Ben groaned deeply against your skin and nibbled it lightly when you squeezed him. “Oh, darling, you just go after what you want, huh?” With one hand massaging his cock rather gently, you pulled his face back and moaned into the kiss while his tongue explored every corner of your mouth. “Mhmm...”

“I certainly respect that.” He pulled away from you, grinning and lifted you up on top of the kitchen island. The marbled table top was cold under you, contrasting your already sweaty skin when you laid down on it, breathing hard.

“Spread.” He said simply as he pushed your legs open and stood in front you so you’d stay that way. On display and all for him. You whined loudly when you felt cool air hit your core, making you quiver in front him.

“That is one gorgeous pussy..” He said admiringly, running his palms down your thighs, squeezing them. “Had to fucking control myself on Saturday, when I caught you staring not to take you right then and there.” He grinned seeing you squirm in front of him.

Ben's fingers slid through your slick pussy lips easily, making you cry out loud when he suddenly pushed two into you. “I bet Butcher and that other fuckface wouldn't have minded the show though..” He continued quietly, almost as if he spoke only to himself, but his hand picked up the speed. "You have no idea how many times I've nutted in these past three days, thinking of fucking your tight cunt. What a fuckin' dream you are.."

You shut your eyes tight and bit your lower lip hard when his thumb started to rub circles on your bud. Hearing him talk to you this way made you clenched around his fingers. You knew already you'd let him have his way with you as he pleases. Muffled moans from you turned slowly into cries as a slight tremble from the pleasure started to overtake your body.

“Please…Ben. Harder.” Your hips jerked up when his fingers curled up into your velvety walls. “Ahhh…Ben, I- I'm close! Please!” Your begs for him to bring you to climax were silenced by his lips.

You were completely intoxicated. Not just by that almost a whole bottle of whiskey you drank, but by him.

By his kisses and how his hot breath lingered on your skin when he pulled away.

By the way his strong body kept your legs from closing.

By his fingers slinking in and out of you rapidly, but yet so smoothly.

You were completely intoxicated by the green of his eyes that had you under his spell, and unable to look away from him.

Your mind was overtaken by him and the pleasure that was lifting you higher and higher, making you beg for him to make you cum. Every cell of your body needed it. Needed to have him in every way possible.

“Don't you dare to, Y/N. Don't you dare to cum yet.” He said sternly, but kept his hand moving, till you were almost crying beneath him.

“Please, Ben... fuck!” You held onto his shoulders, eyes fixated on each other. “Aahh…please, please, I-fuck!”

You were a mere second away from falling into the bliss, and he pulled his hand away.

“I told you no.” Ben stood up, flashing a bright smile, when he saw you desperately looking for his hand to pull him back. He had too much fun playing with you.

“God, you're an asshole! Fuck you!” You spat fiercely at him and leaned onto your elbows, breathing hard, looking at him licking his fingers clean from your juices. That was a sight that made your pussy clench again around nothing.

“I know I am. You will cum, Y/N. I can promise you that.” He approached you again, running his hands up your legs gently. “But tonight you will only cum on my cock, over and over, until I'm done with you, got it?”

He laughed as you suddenly flinched and moaned when he brushed his thumb over your swollen bud. “You didn't answer me, Y/N.”

“Yes! Until you're done with me! But, Ben, just fuck me please..” you begged him breathlessly.

“Yeah, you want it?” He asked softly as he brushed away some stray hair stuck to your forehead. There was not much left from the bun you made earlier in the evening. You were just a desperate mess under him.

He squeezed closer between your legs, sliding his cock through your folds, making you shiver when he moved it over your clit and rested it onto your lower stomach. “I told you’d beg for my cock, didn't I?” he purred quietly into your ear.

It was clear to you that he was deliberately driving you mad. Seeing him so close yet so far from where you needed him the most, drove you insane, and robbed you from any coherent thought that your brain tried to conjure.

“Want to know what I'm going to do to you tonight?” He asked you, and ran his hands over your breasts, squeezing them almost painfully, and moving his right hand up, closing it around your neck.

“Yes.” You answered hoarsely, feeling the sweetest burn in your throat as all the air got forced out of you.

He lowered himself close to your face, lips almost brushing yours. “I'm going to fuck you until you scream my name.” He tightened his grip around your neck.

“I'm going to fuck you until all the neighbors hear what a slut you actually are.” His left hand moved back to your breasts, pinching your nipples painfully, making you squeal from the sharp pain. “Because that's what you are, aren't you? A little slut, waiting to be fucked good.”

Tears were stinging your eyes and you nodded at his every word, but you didn't tell him to stop and you didn't turn your eyes from his ekanite green ones. You loved this.

“Do you know what happens to little sassy whores like you?” He loosened his grip again and waited for you to answer, but you only managed to shake your head. “With words.” He ordered and slapped your tit.

You yelped from the pain and a tear broke loose. “N-n-no.. I don't know.” He smiled seeing you in pain, almost crying and completely needy for him.

“Their cunts get fucked rough, filled till they're dripping. Used only as what they're good for- breeding.” Spitting out the last word, he finally gave you what you were waiting for and bottomed inside you with one quick move.

You cried out, feeling him stretch you like no one else before and instinctively you dug your nails into his skin. He stayed sheathed in you, letting you get a little used to his size.

“I don't think I can ever go back to fucking those old broads after you. Fuck, you're tight..“ He groaned loudly as he started to move with long, slow thrusts at first. “I‘m gonna fill that pussy good…That's what you want, don't you? For me to put some babies into you, huh?” Ben held onto your shoulder to keep you in place as he quickly started to slid in and out of you rapidly. The mixed feeling between pain and pleasure had you dazed.

“Fuck. Yes, please...” you panted out breathlessly, silent screams swallowing your voice as you reached almost to your peak again. You knew it would come fast, twice already had you been so close to it.

“Yes, what? Tell me, Y/N. What does the little slut want?” He definitely wasn't going easy on you tonight, but you weren't going to tap out now. You closed your eyes and took whatever he gave you.

Through all these sensations of him stretching, filling and pounding into you like you were nothing but a toy to him made you unable to think straight.

“I-fuck..give..I'll...take your…god…babies..” breathlessly you gave your best shot to answer him, but couldn't force out a single complete sentence.

Ben definitely enjoyed seeing you completely mindless and begging for him. He loved how you squeezed him just right, your pussy clenching around him, almost making it more difficult for him to keep moving. He's certainly going to love the feeling of you milking him dry.

“I’d have a chance to fuckin’ raise them right, so they wouldn't turn out like that sniveling cape-wearing pussy. You'd be a good Mommy to my kids, wouldn't you?”

“Yes, please...I'm-I..” you whispered and looked at Ben again. “So close..” Each of his thrust felt like he hit even deeper than before and made your eyes roll into your skull.

“You can cum, doll. All over me as I said.” He said between his moves and kissed you until you were almost there, ready to be sent over the edge. As the most intense wave of your orgasm hit, Ben pulled away from your lips, not to hold back your screams for him. “Fuck, Ben! Yes!” He didn't slow down his moves and fucked you through your orgasm. You let go of the last, smallest piece of dignity that was left in you and let Ben completely take over your body.

“Oh, fuck, fuck, god, I- I..ahhh, Ben!” Your voice was shrill and loud as you shut your eyes tight when each of his thrusts started to quickly turn into an overbearing one and the pleasure morphed into sweet burning pain inside you that weakened you all over.

“Please, Ben!” You tried to slightly push him off so you could catch a breath. “I can't take more..”

“Oh, no, sweetheart. I know you can.” Ben grinned. “Yeah...give me one more, baby.”

Legs still trembling, you tried to sit up, but Ben kept you from it, holding you down with his large palm on your chest.

“My..my back..hurts..” you grabbed his hand and looked at him pleadingly. his face was completely blank as he stared down at you for a second.

Wordlessly Ben still gave in to your whine, despite his earlier warnings and pulled you up from the table. He turned you around and pulled your back close to his chest, not leaving you empty for long. Bracing yourself on your wobbly feet, you held onto the countertop as he changed his rhythm into a much more relaxed one, hitting an even deeper spot in you. His speed was now deliberately slower as if he knew exactly what you needed from him.

Ben dug his blunt nails into your hips to hold you in place, and the newly rising climax made your head fall backwards onto his shoulder. He didn't even have to try. You knew you'd come easily even when he'd just stay still inside you. “Oh god…right there..” You shut your eyes tight, letting all your body weight fall onto him, savoring his every thrust.

He kissed your neck, before closing his hand around it, almost choking the life out of you, making your eyes roll back. "This does feel so much better, doesn't it?" With only being able to nod wordlessly, you did your best to answer him.

He began to gradually fasten his speed, until you were just a whimpering mess again.

"Please...please. OH, FUCK! YES!" You croaked out as loudly as you could and grabbed Ben's hair as another orgasm hit you hard, making you tense up on his cock still sliding in and out of you with all the speed he could muster up. You had no strength left in your muscles, relying fully on Ben to support you.

"Fuck, you're taking it so well, baby girl.." He groaned into your ear and slid his fingers between your legs, rubbing your already overly sensitive clit until you were squirming in pleasure of almost reaching your third climax in such a short span. "Gonna make you cum with me.. fill you up good.. yeah..give me one more, sugar..." His hot breath on your cheek and his fingers between your legs were mind-numbing, making you once again scream out loud.

Ben pulled you snugly closer to his body as he made a few finishing moves before his last deep thrust, coming to a stop, balls deep in your pussy, spilling his seed into you. "Fucking hell.." Ben slowly slid his cock out, letting his cum drip out of you. “Shit, you okay, sweetheart?” He asked a little worriedly, watching you gasp for air, still in his arms. With shaky hands, you brushed a few fallen strands off your face. “Yeah.. I'm good..” you whispered, trying to catch your breath.

He turned you face to face with him and pulled you into a gentler kiss than he previously gave you. "If that doesn't change your attitude, then I'm out of fucking options."

Being on cloud 9 wasn't comparable with what you were feeling at the moment. "Or maybe I'll just need another lesson, if they turn out like this."

You took a quick look at the clock over Ben's shoulder. It was past one and you had to work in the morning. "Fuck, it's late. I need to go to bed.." you whispered a little sadly and put your arms around his neck, holding onto him tight, and letting your weak body recover for a minute.

It felt so foolish, but you didn't want to let go of him. You closed your eyes, sighing in satisfaction, and relishing each kiss Ben left on your shoulders and neck, slowly making his way back up to your lips. "Not having regrets, are we?" He murmured against them, running his hands up and down your sides softly.

"No, Ben. No regrets." You smiled widely. "But we should probably hit the shower before bed." You tapped on Ben's biceps, slightly covered from the sweat you had worked up.

"That would be smart." He laughed lightly as you wiggled out of his arms. "Go ahead, I'll take one after."

Putting your hands on your hips determinedly, you turned around on the bathroom door. "I don't know how it was forty something years ago, but today saving clean water is a big priority in the world." Your lips curled into a cheeky lopsided grin. "Don't tell me you're going to waste water by showering alone when we have a perfect opportunity to take one together."

He raised his hands in defeat and chuckled, slowly walking towards you. “Can't argue with that.” You knew your face must've lit up like a Christmas tree when you saw that your cheeky "save the water" talk worked. Grinning victoriously you walked into the shower, swaying your hips teasingly in front of him with each step you took.

Complete truth was, you just didn't want to spend the night alone. You hoped that Ben, too, was missing on just holding onto someone through the night. Someone who wouldn't disappear with the first rays of sunlight.

After a quick shower — that you two shared right after having some extra fun in there again — Ben picked you up in his arms and took you into his bedroom.

"Oh, Benji, what are we doing here?" You stared at him under your lashes and pressed your bare body closer to his chest, running your fingers slowly up to his neck.

He put you down gently and pushed your slightly damp hair over your shoulder. "Well, I certainly know what you will do." Ben smirked down at you, before leaning closer to your lips, almost kissing but keeping the distance between you two. "You're going to sleep." He nudged you towards the side of the bed, nodding you to lay down.

You sat down in bed, watching Ben's every move as he picked up some sweats from his closet. "And you? You're not coming to sleep?"

"No, I–" Your eyes met, and you felt a little hurt. The look in his eyes let you know everything you needed to know. This was just a part of his MO - putting a woman into bed while he quietly vanished from her sight. Your eyes fell into your lap.

Why did I expect anything else from him?

You cleared your throat. You tried not to let the hurt show when you looked up again. "Right. Sorry. Goodnight."

You laid down on your side, pulling the covers up under your chin. You heard a soft click from the door and the room fell completely silent and dark, and you wished you could silence the sadness and regret that was growing inside you, but those had already set their roots deep in your heart. You didn't regret helping him. You could never do that.

But allowing yourself to open up to him? Allowing your emotions to roam free after little genuine attention he gave you? Well, that was fucking stupid. You mentally rolled your eyes at yourself.

For so long had you been so touch-starved and lonely without even realizing that so maybe you had read more into the situation than it really was. Maybe you hoped for another outcome for letting your heart win over your mind. You just got attached too quickly. Because that's what happens when you don't have a healthy relationship with your own emotions - you fall head over heels for someone you probably shouldn't in less than a week. You were just too naive to think that Ben, Soldier Boy, a world-class supe, would ever look at you as anything else but a hole he can get his dick wet. You couldn't help but feel a little used. But at the same time you couldn't put the blame for this feeling on Ben - you were the one kneeling before him almost at the first chance you had tonight. So, no. Totally not his fault I'm feeling like shit.

You were contemplating whether to leave his room or not, but before coming up with a decision, you could feel your eyelids grow heavy and before you knew it, you were in deep sleep.

Some time later the bed shifted next to you, and it woke you up immediately. His head had fallen down to his chest, but hearing you waking up, Ben looked over his shoulder.

"I didn't mean to wake you." His voice was low and as much as you could make out of his silhouette in the mostly dark room, with the streetlights being the only source of light outside, Ben seemed really tense.

“No- it's.. I'm fine, Ben,” you saw Ben's shoulders fall when he let out a deep sigh. “Are you okay?” Your voice was thick with sleep as you sat up and moved to the edge of the bed next to him. “You had another nightmare, didn't you?” You snaked one arm around his, squeezing gently.

You looked at the man next to you. It must have felt strange to him to be able to be vulnerable. To be seen as who he was - a broken man. As did you before, everyone else around him saw him as just some super soldier - Vought generated war machine, ruthless and uncaring. He used fear as his weapon to keep everyone away, but you somehow managed to break through his hard shell.

“I tried so hard to keep my distance from you, but it's unbelievable how easy it is to get used to good things, isn't it?” Ben turned to you with a solemn look. “Hoping to have one night without those fucking dreams…” with a shake of his head, Ben's eyes moved away from your face back to nothingness in front of him. “..was just stupid.” he added under his breath.

“Want to talk about it? Maybe I could help?” you shot a little smile at him.

Ben looked at you for a minute, brows knitted together, as if he was seriously considering your offer. Then he stood up abruptly. “No.”

“Wait, don't-” you grabbed his arm and as soon as he turned around you let go from him quickly, almost like his touch had burned you. You suddenly felt insecure and uncertain of yourself. You felt small, again, watching him tower next to the bed, but now it made you feel...you couldn't even describe it exactly. Frail, if you really had to choose. “Please, we don't have to talk about it, but..” you whispered quietly, “..don't go.”

“Just stay.” You swallowed hard, waiting for his answer.

You could see it in his eyes. Ben didn't want to admit to himself even, but he really didn't want to be alone. He didn't want to go back to the couch, where he knew as soon as he would close his eyes, the nightmares would return.

Ben climbed into bed under the covers and you carefully watched his reaction as you slid into his arms. Slow exhale escaped him when you draped your arm over his chest.

You laid in bed for a while, trying to fall back asleep, but with no results. Comfortable silence hung around you two, and you didn't dare to say a word to break it.

Ben was surprised. He was surprised of where he was at in his life. After hearing Butcher tell Hughie he was thinking of calling you, Ben had thought you'd be like every other woman he'd met, instantly all over him. But no. He was glad that you were not like them. You didn't take any crap from him and that was like a breath of fresh air. That made him like you even more. It was hard for him to accept that at first (it still was, if he was honest), but he was happy that someone was there for him. That you were there, and helping him, even if he still thought that he deserved none of it. He wasn't going to let you go.

“It wasn't Russia this time.” Ben said so quietly, you almost didn't hear him.

“What?”

“My dream.” He added. “It wasn't about Russia this time.” You felt his chest rise heavily under you as he took deep breaths.

You sat up next to him. The last thing you wanted was Ben to feel pressured to talk. “Ben, it's okay, you don't have to—”

“You asked, didn't you?”

“Well, yeah, but I don't want to pressure you.” you retorted quickly. You stared down into his eyes. Even in the dark, the green was striking. Boy, I'm in trouble...You realized you were a goner for him. You'd do whatever you'd have to, to ease him from all that pain. And it wasn't just your empathy now. Three days, you reminded yourself, you had known him.

“You're not.” He gently pulled you back into his arms. “I dreamt of my father...about the last time I saw him..” his fingers drew slow patterns on your arms.

“What happened?”

“I had just gotten home from war. It was a real ticker-tape parade, you know, fit for a hero...considering...well, even if it was glorified to some extent, I still fought hard, contrary to popular belief.” He scoffed. “And then I went home..”

Ben kept reminiscing in silence as you laid beside him, patiently waiting for him to continue.

“I went home to see my old man and he just couldn't be more disgusted by me." Ben's lips snarled up at the mention of is father. "He had been my whole life, sending me off to boarding school to not have to deal with me or my problems. I was always just trying to do right by him, but still I was a disappointment, a fucking disgrace to him. I don't know why I ever expected anything else. That night..” He fell quiet for a second.

“That night is something I won't forget. Guess that's when the new Soldier Boy was born. Women, booze, drugs..I had it all, loved it all, and did not have a single fuck to give about my actions.”

You felt a pang of pain in your chest. Ben had just wanted for his dad to be proud, like any other young man would. Instead he got rejected from unconditional love, he should've gotten from his father. You closed your eyes and focused only on him and his steady rhythmic heartbeat under you, trying to erase the pain.

“Don't do this. Please.” He said softly. You sat up, and Ben followed your lead, propping himself up on the pillows next to you. “I know you're just trying to help, but this is something I don't want to forget in any way.”

You looked at Ben. Even in the dark room, your gaze found Ben's in an instant. You smiled a little, but it was clearly just from confusion. “But why?”

“Because that memory of my father will stay as a reminder for me of what not to become if I have children on my own one day.”

Hearing that from Ben tugged even harder on the string he had already wrapped around your heart. He didn't want to turn out like his father.

But Ben was right - some pain might be worth remembering.

“Then the Payback was formed and I met Countess. I had really thought she was the one.” He said after a little moment of silence. “That one day we'd be able to hang our masks up and get out of the public's eye, you know? Just the two of us. Have couple of kids. Never expected her to..” the emotions washing over him were clear in Ben's voice. He cleared his throat before he added heavily. “I really don't know which was worse. Being in that lab or finding out that she was the one who sent me there.”

“You really think you would've been able to retire?” You asked, being genuinely curious, before you turned yourself around, facing him and crossing your legs to get more comfortable. You felt really happy that he was trusting you enough to open up. You were glad to get to know him better. It sparked-if you even dared to think so- a little glimmer of hope in your heart.

“I think so, yeah.”

“I–” your train of thought was disrupted by the faint ringing of your alarm in your own room. Guess the night had to end at some point.

But you were not quite ready to burst that little bubble you found yourself in with Ben. And neither was he. You started to climb out of bed, not noticing the look he stared after you. Before he even realized what he was doing, Ben had pulled you back into bed. You were only able to gasp when he rolled over and locked you between the bed and himself.

“Ben, I have to–” Ben's lips sealed you in a bruising kiss before you were able to finish your sentence. With a contrasting tenderness he pulled you up a little, pushing a pillow from his side under you, elevating your upper body from the rest.

“I think we have a little bit of time to spare.” Sinful smile on his lips, Ben started to move on to your neck and lower from there, while his hands squeezed your thighs hard, and pushed them apart for him to lower his body closer to you.

“Uh-uh..I guess..we do..” You were panting hard already when he started to work on your tits with his mouth. It was a shame really how easily Ben was able to convince you. There wasn't even a smidge of resistance coming from you. Your fingers gripped the sheets tight when he nipped on your breasts, soothing the bite marks quickly with kisses and licks all over your bust. Soft moans coming from you melded with his deep groans that got trapped against your skin. Those almost made it seem like he was holding himself from devouring you whole. Ben took his time that you didn't really have even that much, licking, sucking and nibbling on your tits, tongue swirling around the nipples, each of his moves making you suddenly feel even more aroused. More wanted, and even more so purely desired.

A sharp hiss escaped you when he bit down once harder than before. No kisses followed that, letting the pain deliciously linger on your skin. You started to stare each other down, Ben sliding his gaze over your swollen lips, lowering it to your breasts adorned with his bite marks, enjoying the red pattern they had drawn on them and looking then right back up at you again. Dawn was breaking, and slowly but steadily the room started to fill with light. You let yourself drown for a moment in the deep green forest of his eyes, only dragging yourself out of them to take in his barely noticeable freckles speckled all over his cheeks and nose. He was just so unbelievably…beautiful.

No words were needed to express what was clear in both of your eyes. You grabbed onto Ben's hair, pulling him back down into a slow kiss. You gave up the control over your mouth to him, as you had already done for the rest of your body, and he didn't spare a moment of proving that you had made the only right choice. While his tongue claimed your mouth, his hands roamed over your body like discovering it for the first time, featherlight touches moving over your sternum and belly, making you ticklish and squirm under him.

Ben suddenly removed himself from your lips, shifting his complete attention now to your lower body.

Your eyes screwed shut when you felt his rough palms moving down your thighs, closer to your pussy. You bit down on your lips as his thumbs slid through your wet folds, lightly caressing your clit. Even his smallest touch there made a shockwave run through your body.

“Please…ahh..” you gasped weakly when his fingers pushed halfway in and pulled out of you quickly, only just teasing your tight cunt, making you desperately crave more of him.

“Had a little taste test of you before...still needing a bit more..” Ben lowered his between your legs, keeping his eyes still on you. His hot breath against the clit made you shiver before him. “Yes.. please..” you shuddered out.

Ben didn't leave you begging for long, even if he loved hearing that. He spread your legs wider and dived in there, hungrily dragging his tongue over your sex, making your hips buck up under him when he brushed over your swollen bud. Even though he had his first taste of you only a few hours ago, Ben had quickly started to miss it. The sweetness and slight tartness of your juices covering his tongue had become as addicting to Ben as he knew his touch was for you.

Continuing with the teasingly slow strokes with his tongue, he was getting more amused seeing how his every move made your hips jerk more sharply, making you forcefully press your cunt up into his face, but he wasn't gonna complain about that. No, he was going to take you like a man he was, ready to suffocate between your thighs, if it would've been possible for him.

Small whimpers of delight rolled off your lips when his sole attention fell to your clit, swirling his tongue around it, sucking, slightly grazing it with his teeth. All it would've taken from you to come was just a few more strokes from him, but Ben didn't give you that. Instead he pulled away at the last moment, green eyes drilling darkly up into yours, daring you to say anything in protest. You wanted to give him a piece of your mind, to tell him how his teasing really made you feel, but your tongue was tied and your mind had gone completely blank. Ben just laughed at the desperate sight of you.

You were gasping for air when Ben brushed his finger over your bud and then moved his hand up to massage your tits, leaving your pussy without attention for a minute.

“Ben, please…”

He silenced you with another hard kiss, leaving you breathless when he started to leave a trail of kisses down your body, moving again downward. His beard was tickling your skin with a playful lightness as his mouth moved over your hip bones and forward to your thighs. Your hands dug into the bed with all your might, holding on tight just as you felt Ben's breath dangerously close your pussy.

You needed him to hurry. Not only because you had no idea how much longer you'd be able to take it, but Ben was taking it really, really slow. Which you actually didn't mind, not at all, but if he kept up going at this speed, he'd probably make you late for work. But you knew that it would be fine by him.

“Ben, I'll be late for–” the end of your sentence turned into a high mewl after having Ben suddenly sucking on your clit again.

“Mmmm....” your body arched up, unable to decide whether to try to push him away or to pull him even closer. Who were you kidding - in no way you were going to push him away. In an instant your hand released the sheet beneath you, finding its way into Ben's thick brown hair, tugging on it hard. “Please, Ben.. I got to go..”

Ben let out a low growl before pulling away from you, locking his hand around both of your wrists. His beard was glistening with your arousal in the morning sunshine starting to light up the room little by little. “You can't really make up your mind, can you? You say one thing, but your body on the other hand…”

You stared at him slowly coming to hover over you. Ben’s hands kept you in place while his eyes ran over you, taking in the little beads of sweat on your skin.

“After all, getting your pussy eaten out by Soldier Boy is a pretty valid reason to be late for work, don't you think?” he smirked down at you.

Your breath hitched with realization that he probably wasn't going to hurry up.

“So let me ask you again, sweetheart.” He lowered his face to yours, lips teasing you softly. “Do you want to go to work or do you want to feel good?”

“Good. I want to feel good, Ben.” words rushed out of you and quickly you pressed your lips to his. He released your hands and softly caressed your cheek, moving them down to knead your breasts, eliciting a deep moan from you. Not stopping on your chest for long, he moved on to between your legs, sinking two fingers into you.

Ben pulled away from the kiss. “Right answer, darling.” He whispered and started pumping in you vigorously. Your head fell into the pillows beneath you, mouth opening to let out a soundless scream.

Your body withered in pleasure, feeling his fingers curling inside you, bringing you quickly to the point of almost snapping.

“Yes..yes..oh, Ben…NO!” You suddenly cried out when Ben again decided to pull away from you, without letting you cum. “Ben, please..” you wheezed out, looking pleadingly at him, hoping to make him feel sorry for you, but clearly getting you more desperate was for his enjoyment all alone. Ben sat back on the bed, eyes running over your weak body laying before him.

“Hmm..love hearing you beg for me.” He said softly before forcing his voice stern again. “Do it more.”

You clenched, hearing the sudden change of his tone, but if begging is what he wants, then this is what he gets.

You swallowed hard, then widened your eyes a little and bit down on your lip with a moan. “Mm…please, Ben…I–”

You sucked in a quick breath, eyes shuttering close and thought of what exactly you wanted from him. “I want your hand..no- fuck..” You remembered the feeling of his tongue on you. Licking and teasing you. Sucking and swirling. You moaned loudly at the thought of him eating you until you almost came. But that thought was quickly replaced by the sensation of remembering his fingers pumping in and out of you, making you squirm in front of him. Both memories were equally sweet and pleasurable, driving you to the point of nearly losing your sanity.

“I just want to cum, Ben.” You sighed, propping yourself onto your elbows. “I need to. You've teased me too much already.” You added with a shuddering breath, looking at him under lashes. “Please. I need your fingers inside me.”

Ben approached you slowly like a predator, lips curling into a sinful smile, hand sliding up your leg.

“Please..I–” you swallowed hard when Ben squeezed your thigh. “Stop…please..ughhhh…” your pained expression was amusing for Ben. He had no intention of stopping teasing you. Or pleasing you. He let his hands roam all over your body, loving the way you bit your swollen lips as his thumb brushed tenderly over your pussy. He wanted to feel you clenching down on him just as much as you needed it, but seeing you squirm and begging for him to finger you, made it worth waiting for just a little longer.

“Please, please, please…ohh…oh!” Your whines got louder when he decidedly started to speedily rub your clit.

Words choked in your throat, hushed moans were only what managed to slip through.

“You like that, huh?” Wicked smile came onto Ben's lips as you were white-knuckling the bedsheets, trying to get anything out to answer him. You nodded, head pressed into the pillows, turning to look into his eyes.

“I-yes..but.. ahhh…” you gasped loudly when he shoved two fingers roughly into you. Ben gave you no chance to catch a breath and almost instantly you could feel yourself closing in on climax again.

“You're so pretty when you're about to cum.” He said huskily, watching you arch your back high in pleasure.

“You are close, aren't you?” Again Ben laughed at you shortly, when you couldn't force out words, but only nodded your head frantically.

“I think I'll let you cum now. Look at me. You ready, darlin’?” He asked with a grin on his face.

“Yes.. please.. please, Ben..” Your legs started trembling from delight.

“Cum on fingers, Y/N.”

After hearing his permission, your shaking legs clamped together on his hand that was still plunging into you hard while the rest of your body froze up.

Orgasm rolled over you in long intense waves, numbing you wholly inch by inch, silencing you completely.

Ben gritted his teeth slightly when your body loosened again, letting him pull his hand away from you. He got up from the bed, leaving the room for a second. When he returned, he held a warm cloth in his hand to clean you up. On his way back to bed, he grabbed one of his shirts for you as well.

You still laid down as he quickly got you cleaned. You sat up weakly and Ben pulled his shirt over your head.

“Wow.. you look like you need some sleep.” He laughed lightly.

“It's all your fault.” You didn't let go of a chance of retaliation.

“Did you not say you wanted to feel good?” Ben knowingly cocked an eyebrow. “Thought so.” He added with a grin, when he didn't get an answer from you.

He stood up from the bed, pulling you with him. “Let's get you a quick coffee.”

“Ugh..yes, please.” You groaned tiredly.

When you started to walk towards the kitchen, the slight wobble in your legs didn't go unnoticed by Ben.

“I must've rocked your world.” He joked behind you.

“Psshh..keep telling yourself that.”

“Well, I don't have to. I can see it.”

You only rolled your eyes at that and didn't say a word.

While Ben made you coffee, you went and got dressed, mentally preparing yourself for getting through the day.

You barely made it. Not a minute passed without thinking of him. You couldn't stop counting second to the end of the work day. For the whole day you were unable to focus on work, not knowing what to do or how to be. Today you didn't stay there even a minute longer than you had to. And when you got home again, Ben was sitting on the couch, accompanied by a glass of whiskey. Just where he was when you left for work in the morning. Only with a minor difference - the bottle he had in the morning had gotten itself a friend.

“Busy day, huh?” You joked as you kicked off your heels and climbed next to him, tugging your legs under your body.

“Hey! Look around!” Ben remarked, seemingly offended. “I cleaned.”

You turned and looked around in the kitchen and the rest of the apartment. “Wow! You did!” Looking back at Ben you couldn't help but grin. “You want a cookie now?”

“Oh, I'll get my cookie, you'll see!” Ben smirked and your smile was quickly replaced with a yelp, when he suddenly lifted you onto his lap, pushing your skirt further up with his wandering hands that once again found their way between your legs. “I thought I fucked the sass out of you. Clearly not.” His hungry lips landed on your neck, sucking on the pulse point and you balanced yourself holding onto his shoulder, unable to keep yourself from moaning softly. You started to melt under his touch and warm breath lingering on your skin, bringing back the memories from the morning. Feeling Ben's kisses move down to the open collar of your blouse, your fingers raked through his soft hair, tugging hard and making him groan in the crook of your neck.

“Ughh…I'm still sore from this morning, Ben.” You gasped as his fingers slipped past your underwear, stroking you gently.

“Yeah?” He asked softly against your skin. “So you don't want me to do this?” Ben pulled away from your face to catch your eyes as he pushed his middle finger slowly into you, curling it up. You bit down in your lip with a soft moan. “Oh, well, I do love that, Soldier Boy.” You let his moniker roll off your tongue sensually slowly, causing his other hand, that wasn't exploring you from the inside, to squeeze down on your hip roughly.

Suddenly your head snapped around, hearing a cough behind you. “At least you didn't burn the place down.” Billy grinned at you, being held by Ben in your compromised position. Hughie appeared on the door shortly after, quickly averting his eyes from the two of you.

Now, while your only ability was healing, Ben on the other hand had no excuses for not hearing them come home. He just didn't care about getting caught. “You heard them coming, didn't you?” You hissed at Ben, trying to get off his lap, but he wasn't going to let you go, holding you strongly with his hands on your hips.

“Who cares? Let them have a show.” He chuckled and moved in again to plant ticklish kisses on your neck.

“Oh, have some sympathy, Ben. We're gonna keep them up all night anyway. Let them have a moment of quiet before that.” You winked at Ben and lifted yourself off his lap, sinking down into the couch next to him. “You said you're going to be away for a week or longer. How come you're home early?”

“No, luv’. I asked you to be here for a week. You,” Butcher turned to Hughie. “Pay up.”

“I really didn't expect that from you, Y/N. I was so sure I'll be earning easy money.” He said with a feigned disappointment, pulling out some crumpled up bills from his pockets to hand over to Butcher.

“You had a bet on me?” You asked, a surprised laughter shaking your body.

“Of course! So..” Billy grinned, looking between you and Ben. “I guess, I'll be getting myself a bedroom tonight, right?”

You and Ben shared a look and a secretive smile between each other. “Sure..” you started slowly, before Ben cut in. “But don't count on getting any sleep.”

Taglist: @cevansbaby-dove @nescaveckwriter @jackles010378 @deanwinchestersgirl87 @winchesterwild78 @anundyingfidelity @suckitands33 @waynes-multiverse

Fun little fact: I described Ben's eyes as ekanite green, which I found as a closest match to Jensen's eyes through a HEX code comparison AND it's a rare gem, that can also be radioactive, just as our lovely Soldier Boy 💚

Thank you for reading! Feedback is appreciated!🤍

[capn-twitchery]

hm. sure has been a while since i thought too hard about twitch & made something surface-level silly secretly devastating huh,,,let's fix that

twitch sucks at silvering bc they almost never go into parabola, and that's very much on Purpose. twitch hates parabola! i mean, parabola is centered around dreams, memories, introspection, being in your own brain, full of lost things.

parabola is a place where you appear as your ideal, most You version of you. but what happens to someone who doesn't have that?? what if your brain has 20, 30 something voices in it who all have a different ideal self? you can't be all of them! i think their "parabolan self" is just, themselves. looking almost exactly the same. they don't know how to be anything else, it's too hard to think about it.

but,,,do they have to focus on appearing like that?? if they stop focusing on it will there be parts of the "ideal self" from the people in their memories flickering in,,,would it get worse when they think about it? can other people see it when twitch can't? not to mention focusing so hard on looking how they need to must make glasswork harder.

and what if they go to the waswood and visit "their" past memories? that's a whole other post to unpack. that's a Lot. other silverers understand parabola and the logic of dreams & memories enough to guide other people through them, but twitch hasn't even figured out their own yet-because they're not even entirely their own!!!

so basically. parabola fucking sucks for twitch, actually. you can't hide from your own memory stuff in the Memory Dream Realm!!!

[bengiyo]

Wandee Goodday Ep 6 Stray Thoughts

Last week, we mostly held our ground. Dee and Yak continue to behave like boyfriends without discussing how close they've become. Dee planned to do a case study featuring his young patient, and also put on a feel good event for the young patients, with an assist from Yak and Taem. Dee's grandma met Yak, and also started playing her guitar at 3 in the morning. Oyei is probably dealing with loan sharks, but Cher thinks he's cheating????

Making breakfast and forehead kisses. Y'all need to clear this up.

I like this work and training montage. It's not always interesting to spend a ton of time with characters' jobs, but I like framing it as them talking about what they're dealing with as they dance around who misses who the most first.

In my mind it is too hot and humid in Bangkok to be leaving doors open like this. And the mosquitos.

Yak is actually so gross for spraying toothpaste on the mirror like that and not cleaning it up.

Is Dee going to admit his loss for showing up at the camp in the elephant pants?

Of course Dee won't admit it.

I love Yoryak. He said kiss me on the lips, and then could not be chill about this chin kiss.

Here we go with The Devil trampling over Dee again.

Kao is right to make Dee build up his emotional defenses before this research trip with The Devil.

Finally, Cher. Don't think I forgot about that anxiety he had about Oyei cheating.

Dee, you cannot trust anything this man says while he's still competing with you.

We have seen this extra in the brown shirt in multiple scenes this week.

The Devil saw Dee watching Yak earlier, and I don't think Taem is fooled. Where are we going with both of their other interests this week?

Why would they intercut Oyei and Cher with a flashback of Dee and Yak?

Wow look look at this gays only event they went on.

Didn't these two have a cute moment in a crosswalk earlier? Give us the details on Dee's car trauma.

Oh lord here we go with the loan sharks. I really need Oyei to fess up on this.

Ah, so Oyei and Cher met by happenstance, and Oyei rescued him. Curious about the arc Oyei has been on that Cher says he likes who he is now, and how this is tied to the debt.

You don't know how you feel about him? Child, have a seat. You still pressed about The Devil, or just afraid he'll choose Taem?

Idk about that preview!!

I'm feeling a bit emotionally lost with this show. I want to understand the shitty boyfriend comment, and Cher thinking Oyei might cheat. I wanna know where Yoryak is on his romantic interests. I want to unknot Dee's hesitation on Yoryak, despite obviously wanting to be with him.

[myechoecho]

The Double, ep 14

I just about lost my mind to see the Duke and Li start to work together, even if it is only the passing of information. The Duke has listened to what Li said about being alone and having no spies. So he using his spies for her (which is suspect overlaps with his own investigations). He calls her over, warns her about the Consort's plan and that she needs to be careful since the Consort's is Emperor's favourite. What more is Li listens and tells him, at least very generally, what she plans to do. PROGRESS.

The whole theatre scene was so good. Yes, the Duke used Li for cover but he clearly just wants to be there with her. You can tell with the whole question about the tea. He's desperate to know more about her and just what exactly happened to make her bitter about love. But he also knows just how far to push because he stops easily when she says he can't ask. You can tell in the way he softly smiles while watching her enjoy the play.

The Duke's fan not only doubles as a boomerang but a shield as well. I think the last character I saw so tied dramatically to a fan was Yi Bang Won in My Country: The New Age. I love how the Duke protects her and then holds her when she is injured. And Li does not pull away but leans into his embrace. The Duke is definitely angry that Li got hurt.

He tends her wounds personally, and respects her boundaries in regards to her keeping her shirt on. He does, however, get irritated when she says if he thinks him treating her is a favour then she'll get someone else to do it. In this case in particular, I think he feels guilty that he was not able to protect her fully so it would never be a favour to him. It's him atoning to her.

However, her next words softens his irritation. Because she explains and understands fully why he invited her there. She doesn't blame him. She's actually perfectly fine with it because it made her useful. I think Li is starting to see the difference between the Duke, where she and the Duke are useful/helpful/supporting each other, to her husband when she did everything for him (we really haven't seen Yurong do much for Li during their marriage). Plus, I don't think the Duke ever had someone see his thought process so clearly without him explaining it.

It's going to be SO GOOD when they fully, equally work together.

I also love how Fang Fei, as Li, has not forgotten Jiang Li. She is fully committed to avenging Jiang Li and sorting out all her regrets. She has two different revenge plots going on.

As for the Yurong, he remains an interesting character. His situation with the Princess is really a role reversal. With that type of power play, it normally is a woman who is under the control of a man. However, he is also exerting what power he has over her. He flat out tells her that what she did was reckless and she would have been punished (true). He frames it as him protecting her. Note how he also calls her Wanning and not Princess, which I think is a significant change. He tells the Princess to let it go - what does it matter when he is by he side? At this point I have my suspicions that he realizes that Li is actually Fang Fei. He's placating the Princess to protect Fang Fei and probably to let her complete her revenge.

[things-arent-what-they-seem66]

I’m in the mood for angst, so imagine when Adam revives as a sinner he’s just horribly depressed that he doesn’t do anything but lay in bed and stare at the ceiling. Doesn’t help that there are people who don’t trust him as much as he trusts them

Adam laid there on his bed in the hotel wrapped up in blankets surrounded by pillows. The rooms that he shared a hallway with were empty save for Lucifer's down at the end, so in the middle of the night Adam swiped all the extra pillows and blankets to make a makeshift nest for himself.

He had taken to staring at the ceiling, he didn't want to be around people who barely tolerated him. The only reason he was even at this third rate hotel was because of the deal he made with Lucifer and his brat taking pity on him.

Adam still remembers the look she gave him, it made him sick.

He missed his home up in heaven, where he could be himself and not worry about anyone judging him. Adam had his own little garden he would go to when he would feel an ounce of stress.

Now all he had was a somewhat decent sized hotel room in Hell to hole up in.

All Adam wanted to do was go home, not just to heaven but to Eden. His true home the one he lost forever ago.

He was forced out of there like he was forced out of heaven. Fuck his life.

He only ever left to eat when all the hotel freaks had gone to bed, even then he'd hoard enough to get him through the next day so he wouldn't have to leave.

It's been six months.

At first Charlie tried knocking on his door trying to coax Adam out, but he didn't even have the energy to yell at her. He just ignored her until she went away.

She eventually stopped trying.

"So, this is what you do all day?"

Adam jumped at the voice and glared at the King who was now standing beside his bed. "What the- Get the fuck out!" He threw a pillow at Lucifer.

Lucifer dodged it with ease. "Charlie has been wondering where those pillows went. Come on, it's time to get your ass out of bed." He made a move to rip the blanket from Adam's bed only to get his hands slapped.

"Fuck off and leave me alone, asshole!!" Adam wrapped the blankets and his wings tighter around himself and turned away from Lucifer.

They remained in silence for so long Adam thought he left.

Until he felt a dip in the bed. "You, I get it. Falling from grace is a traumatic experience, not only that it's painful leaving your home behind."

Adam could feel his eyes get wet. "Like you care."

"I care." Lucifer placed a hand gently on Adam's back, he hoped it was as comforting as he meant it to be. "You can't spend your afterlife in bed, I've been there. Trust me."

The spot where Lucifer's hand was on his back felt hot through the blanket. "I'm fine."

"Yeah you look it." Lucifer commented. "Believe it or not Adam, I do give a shit. But I understand why you don't trust me or anyone here."

"No one trusts me either."

"Can you blame them?"

"Fuck off." Adam snapped, a tear rolled down his cheek. He's not the fucking bad guy here, he's been severely wronged!

Lucifer sighed and removed his hand. "I know you likely won't, but if you ever need someone to talk to my door is always open." He got up from the bed. "Maybe try coming down for a meal once in a while."

"Do you remember that song from Eden?" Adam asked, he wasn't sure what brought in the question but he had to know. "The sung at night?"

Lucifer blinked, yeah he remembered how could he forget? "Yeah, why?"

Adam didn't answer, he was too embarrassed to ask. It was a song that Lucifer would hum or sing to him to help him relax. He felt the weight return to his bed.

Lucifer laid down this time behind Adam leaving enough space between them. He started humming the melody of the song before softly singing the words. He watched as Adam physically relaxed and smiled. Lucifer pulled the blanket back slightly from Adam's head and gently ran his fingers through silky soft dark brown hair.

Adam felt his eyes grow heavy and he smiled small, he closed them and for a moment, just a moment, he could pretend he was back in Eden with his best friend and first love.

They both could pretend.

[selkiewife]

Rhaenyra and Aemma

I think it's interesting we see this exchange from Alicent and Rhaenyra:

ALICENT: You're worried your father is about to overshadow you with a son. RHAENYRA: I only worry for my mother. I hope for my father that he gets a son. As long as I can recall, it's all he's wanted.

And then in the next scene we hear from Aemma:

AEMMA: Rhaenyra has already declared that she is to have a sister. VISERYS: Really? AEMMA: She even named her. VISERYS: Dare I ask? AEMMA: Visenya. She chose a dragon's egg for the cradle that she said reminded her of Vhagar.

At first I thought that Rhaenyra was hiding her true desire from Alicent for us to hear the truth from her mother. And if it were just that- no shade AT ALL. I mean, why not have ambition? Why not want to be heir? Why not want to rule?

But I do think that Rhaenyra's emotions about being heir are more related to being loved and being valued by her parents. Her entire life she has not been enough- she has seen her mother go through all of these tragic stillbirths as a child and of course she would come to the conclusion that her mother's pain and her father's insistence on a son means that she is not enough. So there is already some resentment about the idea of a brother. But I don't think it's so much that, as Alicent says, she is frightened of the son overshadowing her. It is more that she is hurt that the pursuit of a male heir has been overshadowing her for her entire life.

I do believe her when she said that she hopes her father gets a son though- even though it hurts her, she would be happy for him I think. And it would be a relief that this painful pursuit of a male heir would be over for her mother. But then why does she declare that she is to have a sister?

I think that maybe it is to make Aemma feel less stressed honestly. We see how upset Aemma is when she talks to Viserys about the pressure she is under to produce a male heir:

AEMMA: The tourney to celebrate the firstborn son that we presently do not have. You do understand nothing will cause the babe to grow a cock if it does not already possess one?

And then after he tells her his dream again:

AEMMA: Born wearing a crown? Gods spare me, birth is unpleasant enough as it is. This is the last time, Viserys. I've lost one babe in the cradle, had two stillbirths, and two pregnancies ended well before their term. That's five in twice as many years. I know it is my duty to provide you an heir, and I'm sorry if I have failed you in that. I am. But I've mourned all the dead children I can.

This is so heartbreaking. Aemma is under so much pressure and has dealt with so much grief- and feels as though she failed Viserys and the realm. And so I think that Rhaenyra is trying to boost her mother's spirits and telling her that it will be wonderful if the baby turns out to be a girl. It goes deeper, I think, than Rhaenyra not wanting a boy to overshadow her. As I mentioned before, the quest for a boy has already overshadowed he and it is not as though she will be heir (or so she believes) even if the baby is a girl. Daemon is currently heir and I am sure Rhaenyra doesn't think that will change. I think she is telling her mom she is hoping for a girl so that her mother does not feel like she failed if the baby is a girl. I think she is acting out excitement and anticipation for a girl because she feels like she didn't have that for her own birth. She probably thinks that her birth was a disappointment for her father and her mother. Should the baby happen to be a sister this time, she doesn't want the her to come into the world as a disappointment like she did. She wants her sister to come into the world wanted and valued.

I think it makes sense that Rhaenyra would do this because we can see Rhaenyra's concern for her mother in their first (and last!) exchange:

RHAENYRA: Did you sleep? AEMMA: I slept. RHAENYRA: How long? AEMMA: I don't need mothering, Rhaenyra. RHAENYRA: Well, here you are, surrounded by attendants, all focused on the babe. Someone has to attend to you. AEMMA: You will lie in this bed soon enough, Rhaenyra. This discomfort is how we serve the realm.

It's interesting that Aemma says "I don't need mothering," because her own mother, Daella Targaryen, died in childbirth (they don’t mention it in the show but it is in Fire and Blood.) So she would have grown up without mothering. It also struck me that while Aemma tries to mother Rhaenyra by giving her practical advice about “the order of things” for a woman in their world, Rhaenyra’s style of “mothering” Aemma is to point out how important she is and to ensure that she is being taken care of- and prioritizing her above the baby. It’s sad because Rhaenyra is essentially mothering her own mother in the way she wishes she was mothered. Rhaenyra wants to live in a world where, as Arya Stark said, “The woman is important too!” And it’s a glimpse of how she would have mothered her own stillborn daughter, Princess Visenya, or supported a sister if one had been born to her parents.

[hazbinfallinginaspiral]

Call me Daddy (Valentino x doll!reader)

Word count: 2926

CW: Mind control, Valentino being Valentino, dub/noncon, creampie, cockwarming, Au Typical Events, objectification, humiliation, degradation, let me know if I missed anything!

"Daddy has to go to work, understand?” Valentino asked me, snapping his fingers in my face.

“Y-yes, sir!” I stammered, snapping out of… whatever I was thinking about. I couldn’t quite remember.

“I told you once, I’ve told you a million times: don’t call me sir,” he sighed and shook his head, exasperated. “Be a doll and call me Daddy instead, okay?”

A sort of fog seemed to creep into my mind and I froze for a moment before gathering myself. “Okay,” I said softly, a little dazed.

“Good. I’m going to leave now, be sure you’re a good little toy while I’m gone,” he said, walking past me.

“Wait, Daddy!” I said, grabbing his wrist. I froze. What was I doing? Fuck, the word had just slipped out- I was just going to call him sir again, out of habit and then… what was happening to me?

“Yes? What is it?” He asked impatiently- at least, he was acting impatient. I could see the flicker of delight that had crossed his face, and the curiosity he regarded me with. It’d taken a while to be able to read his emotions properly, but it paid off at times like this.

“I…” I hesitated, fidgeting with my free hand a little. I looked at the floor and gently tugged on his sleeve. “I don’t want you to go. Vox is gone and Velvette busy and… and I don’t wanna be left alone.”

“Oh? What exactly are you suggesting?”

“Can I…” god, I had never asked this before. I hated everything to do with him, I hated talking to him, I hated helping him with work, I hated listening to his stories, I hated him! I hated him. And yet… “can I please come to work with you?”

“Hm? What’s that? I didn’t quite catch what you were saying, doll face,” he said, bending down and looking smug. “Could you repeat that for me?”

“I… want to go to work with you, Daddy,” I said. Fuck. I bit my lip, internally cursing myself. There it was again! I kept calling him daddy and I had no idea why.

“Why of course! All you had to do was ask,” he said with a smile. He pulled me close and linked his arm in mine, forcing me to come with him. I struggled to keep up. “I’m glad you’re finally getting comfortable around here, Doll. I can’t wait to introduce you to everyone!”

“Oh! Um… can we… can we not do that?” I asked tentatively. “Please?” I seemed to shrink into him.

“Aw, is our little dolly shy?” He cooed, glancing down at me. He took a drag of his cigarette and led me into the limo. For once, it was just the two of us. “Look, doll, if you’re going to be hanging out with me theres a few things you gotta know.”

“I-”

“Shhh! Daddy’s speaking,” he said, pressing a finger to my lips. I suppressed the urge to bite it off. “First off! No speaking without my permission. I’m going to busy directing, I don’t need you interrupting me or causing problems. Secondly, you’ll need to stay by side at all times. Vox would kill me if I let his favorite toy get lost or hurt. Third? You’ll have to pay me for my time.”

“I have to pay you… for letting me come to work with you?” I asked, giving him a look.

“Of course. My time is valuable, sweetheart. What, did you not hear me the first time? Is that dumb little doll brain of yours struggling to comprehend it?”

“No, Daddy, I understand,” I said quickly. “How should I…? I mean, I don’t get paid by Vox or anything…”

“Oh, don’t worry about that! I had something a little different in mind,” he said, waving a dismissive hand. “Now, you’ll have two options-”

“Wait wait wait,” I said, cutting him off. “You’re going to make me have sex with you as payment for going with you to your job? That’s not fair! I don’t- I don’t want that!”

“Well that’s too fucking bad, doll. We’re already on our way over, you should’ve thought about that before you asked to come along,” he said, narrowing his eyes at me. “You know, doll, I’m not appreciating all the disrespect I’m getting from you here. Be a doll and drop the attitude.”

“I…” I said quietly, slumping a little in my seat. My eyes glazed over and I seemed to space out for a moment before slowly speaking again. “Okay, daddy…”

“Fuck,” Valentino muttered, sitting up a little straighter. “Shit, I forgot how… oh god, you really do look like a doll when you’re like this.” He placed his hand under my chin and tilted my head from side to side. I didn’t react in any way.

“Fuck, just seeing you like this is making me hard.” He chuckled to himself and brought me into his lap, blowing his smoke directly in my face. He unbuttoned my pants and pressed his thumb against my clit, then spoke in my ear, his breath hit on my neck. “Be a doll for papí, would you? Be a good girl for me for the next few hours.”

He snapped his fingers and I sort of jerked awake. “Hm?” I asked, a little disoriented. Before I could do anything else, I felt a wave of pleasure wash over me. "Mmmn..." I moaned a little, before I could stop myself. I felt my cheeks heat up in embarrassment.

“There we go,” he said with a grin, sounding pleased with himself. “That trigger phrase works like a charm, I swear! I might just prefer you as a doll… How are you feeling, sweetheart?”

"Daddy..." | groaned, leaning against him. I was still sitting in his lap, and I was starting to grind against him without realizing. My pussy was already wet with precum. “Doll… Mmmn… Daddy, what’s a trigger phrase?" I couldn't quite process it, especially not when he had me all dumbed down.

"Don’t worry about it, doll," He blew another cloud of smoke at me and I breathed it in without question or hesitation. He smiled, enjoying the way my body reacted. He couldn't help but reach down and slide his hand between my legs again, feeling just how wet I was already. “Are you enjoying yourself?”

"Daddy..." I moaned and pressed myself against him, desperate for friction. "Daddy, daddy please..."

"Good girl. Always so needy and eager for daddy." He chuckled and started to rock his hips back and forth, grinding my clit against his cock through his pants.

"Ahhh... mmngh..." I groaned at the praise- and the pressure on my clit? fuck, it was nearly enough to make me cum. "Mmmn..."

"You like that, don't you my little slut?" He pulled me closer, grinding harder against my clit as he spoke. "I can tell just how much you want it." He reached up with his free hand and brushed my hair aside, leaning over and biting my neck gently.

"Daddy!" I whined, squirming a little then- "Mmgh..." my eyes rolled back as I moaned and cummed for him.

"That's it, cum for daddy. You always cum so easy for me." He growled and wrapped his arms around me, holding me close as my orgasm rocked through me. "You're such a good girl, letting daddy use you like this."

“Mmmnngh…” I groaned as the limo came to a short halt at a stoplight, heat filling my cheeks.

“Now, I still have to go to work, and you still have to pay me for letting you come along. Since you like to be used so much… you have two options,” he paused for a moment to make sure I was paying attention. “Would you like me to use some toys, or do you wanna sit in Daddy's lap with his dick in you the whole time, warming it up like a good doll?"

I looked up at him with dazed, pleading expression, panting heavily as I caught my breath. "D-daddy's dick," I managed to say, my voice a little hoarse. I almost couldn’t believe what was happening- fuck, what was happening? It was hard to think, god… I wanted to feel his dick inside of me, filling me up completely. I didn’t even know why.

"Good choice!" he said with a grin, seemingly pleased with my answer. "Okay baby, here’s a little reminder for you. This is the last time I’m saying it, so make sure you remember. Daddy doesn’t like to repeat himself. You're gonna sit in my lap with my cock inside you the whole time, warming it up for me, okay? Think you can do that?"

"Yes, daddy," I said, nodding my head eagerly. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he drew me in closer, nuzzling against his shoulder and chest fluff. "I'll be a good girl and warm up daddy's cock for him," I said, not fully processing what that meant at all.

"Aww, such a good slut for daddy," He cooed, playing with my hair. "Now, we're gonna be sitting like that for hours, okay? My dick is gonna be in your ass the whole time, no breaks. Are you gonna cum for daddy? Are you gonna be a good doll and cum in front of everyone at work for me?"

My face turned red at his words, but I couldn't help the small moan that escaped my lips. I wanted to resist, but every time he called me a slut, i couldn't help but get wetter. I looked up at him and nodded, 90% sure that if I tried to speak it’d come out as an incoherent squeak.

"Perfect. See, this is why you're daddy's favorite whore," he said with a grin, pinching his cheeks playfully. "Are you okay with having your cunt out to everyone at work for me? Or do you wanna have something like a skirt to help cover you up while you cum for daddy like a good slut?"

I tensed and made a small whimpering sound at his words, my pussy throbbing at the thought of being exposed to everyone at work. I looked up at him, my eyes pleading. "I-I'll do whatever you want, daddy... I just want to make you happy..." I fidgeted with my hands a little, knowing full well that Vox likely wouldn’t approve. Not that I had a choice either way.

"Aw, how sweet. Such a good doll," he said sweetly. He thought about it for a moment- Voxteks CEO’s little toy, Vox’s little doll, sitting there in his lap at work. Fuck, the mere thought was getting him hard. He groaned and shook his head-Vox would kill him later, for fucking with his reputation, especially if it came to me.

"Okay baby, you can wear a skirt for daddy." Val sighed and pulled an extra out from a compartment in the limo- this was the one he drove his workers (and whatever poor souls that caught his eye at a club) around in, so there were plenty of clean spare clothes. He gave me the skirt, which was hot pink, one of Angel Dusts. "Put that on for me- and hurry up, we'll be there soon."

I took the skirt gratefully, blushing at the color. I quickly stripped out of my cum soaked pants, giving Val a peek of my ass before sliding on the skirt. I adjusted it awkwardly before sitting back down in his lap, looking up at him with wide eyes, then looking away, fidgeting nervously. "Is...”

"Is what, baby? come on, how many times do I have to tell you to use your words for papi?" He asked, hitching up my skirt and teasing my clit. "Spit it out, what did you want to say?"

"Is this... acceptable, daddy?" I gasped, leaning back against him as he teased me, my cunt already throbbing again. I bit my lip and squirmed on his lap, trying not to moan too loud. I was always so needy, especially when he touched me.

"Of course, l'm the one who chose it! Come on now," he said, taking my hand. He led me into his porn studio with a grin. "Daddy has to get to work."

I followed him sheepishly into the porn studio, looking around nervously at the cameras and equipment. I was always so shy in public, but when it came to him, I was insatiable. "Daddy..."

"Yes, baby?" He asked, finally taking his seat in the directors chair. He tilted my chin up so I'd look at him properly. "Is there a problem?"

"No, daddy." I said meekly, shaking my head. "I just... I don't really know what to do, and there are so many people watching..." I leaned into his touch, looking up at him, uncertain and a little… well, scared.

"Don't worry about that, just sit in daddy's lap and look pretty," Valentino said, motioning me over.

"Okay, daddy." I said obediently, sitting down in his lap- thankfully facing away from the camera. I looked a little nervous, but I relaxed against his chest, letting out a sigh. "Like this, daddy?" I asked, turning my head to look up at him.

"Not quite..." he said with a grin. He hitched up my skirt and slid his dick into me easily. "Like this. Isn't this better? How do you feel, doll?"

"A-ah... y-yes, daddy." I said, gasping as he entered me. I shifted my hips a little, trying to get comfortable. "I-it feels... good, daddy..." I moaned softly, leaning my head back against his shoulder. And getting caught in his chest fluff again. It was so soft, I hardly minded.

"Good girl," he purred. He let me get comfortable and gestured for the actors to get to work. He shouted directions at them for a little bit, then turned his attention back to me. "How are you doing? Is daddy's favorite slut feeling good?"

I was squirming slightly in his lap, clearly turned on by the scene he was filming. "I-I'm doing good, daddy." I said breathlessly. "I-l love how it feels when you fill me up like this."

"Think you can hold up for eight hours like this?" He asked, rocking his hips against mine slightly. a small movement, a small rhythm, but one he’d maintain for the entirety of the rest of his shift.

I moaned again as he continued to move against me. "I-I'll do my best, daddy." I said, a little shiver going through me. I was starting to get tired already, though, and wasn't sure if I could last eight hours like this.

"Mhm... I'm sure you will." another few minutes was all it took. He looked over at me, the expression on my face, and leaned down a little to whisper in my ear. "It's okay baby, you can cum for daddy."

I moaned even louder as he whispered in my ear, and a few moments later I cried out his name as I came, unable to hold back any longer. I slumped against him as the waves of pleasure passed through me, breathing heavily. "Thank you, daddy." I whispered softly.

"Don't mind her," Val said to his actors, with a small laugh. They hadn’t even been paying attention to us at all before he said that. "My little fuck toy here just gets a bit excited sometimes." Without warning, he pulled up my skirt for a moment to reveal my cum everywhere. It was only for a second, then he let it drop, but that was all it took for everyone to start laughing and murmuring among themselves. He kept rocking his hips against me, but only slightly now. It'd still be more than enough.

I blushed deeply as he made fun of me with the other actors, acting like it was only lighthearted banter. I wished I could go curl up in a corner and cry, but somehow I also couldn't help but moan softly as he kept rocking his hips against me, my hands gripping his waist as I tried to hold back from cumming again. "I... I'm sorry, daddy." I gasped out, my hips bucking slightly against his.

"It's okay baby, you can cum again," he purred, petting my head gently. "Cum as much as you need for daddy, okay? We'll be here like this all day long."

My eyes widened slightly at his words, and I couldn't hold back anymore. With a loud moan, I came again, my body shaking as I emptied myself for him. I panted heavily, hanging onto him as I tried to catch my breath. "I... Mmn… daddy… please…”

"Come on baby, I know you've got some more in you," he said. Hours and hours passed like this, me cumming almost nonstop. I was a whimpering drooling mess halfway through his shift.

"Who's daddy's favorite whore?" He asked softly, knowing I was too fucked out and blissed out to even comprehend anything- much less think for myself.

“I-I…” I whimpered softly at his words, my body still twitching with aftershocks of pleasure. I was completely spent, my mind a haze of bliss and exhaustion. I couldn't even think straight, let alone form a coherent thought or response. “Daddy…” I whined lightly.

“Be a doll and cum for me again,” he said with a grin.

Tears pricked my eyes as another orgasm rocked through me. I moaned softly and slumped against him again, utterly helpless.

(R.I.P. Angel Dusts skirt lmao)

[legacygirlingreen]

A New Era…

See what I did there… because it’s the eras tour… and the start of a new era for me fandom wise… I’ll let myself out 😭

Hi friends,

I know it’s definitely been a while since we had a little fireside chat of sorts. I never wanted to be that person who posted this big long rant with nasty call outs or annoyed remarks. But, I have to be honest. I am really, really growing to find writing for Hogwarts Legacy to be a chore. It used to come by so naturally and I’ve lost a lot of the enjoyment due to fandom fighting, the lack of a real update with the recent announcements and just some honestly, nasty anon asks I’ve received over the last few weeks.

I have a lot going on in my personal life right now and with that, it’s caused this fandom to feel more like a burden than an escape. I have surgery coming up and it just doesn’t feel like the supportive, loving, atmosphere it once did in so many ways… So for a while I think I’m going to shift gears until I find the energy to return to my works.

Having been on tumblr for a long time, I’m sick of starting over with every shift in fandom interest so I have decided to leave this tumblr, add to it and let it be a hybrid of my interests. I will return to working on my HL content, I just don’t have a set date for it.

To those who will likely depart this blog due to this announcement, thank you for the support. I hope life treats you well. To those willing to jump to a side project I’ve been working on, I’m excited to bring you all along. And to those who may soon find this blog from other spaces, welcome.

I just really need a break from what I’ve been doing and I’ve found inspiration elsewhere in the meantime.

Thank you all for being understanding and know that I have truly enjoyed the ride with this blog so far and hope to continue to do so as I post a project that I’ve been inspired by the finale season of the Bad Batch to write. I won’t give way too much, but I’ve got 50k words on my hard drive so far and I’m still going for our favorite mechanical engineer, pilot, riot racing, definitely not dead in my delulu: Tech

(If anyone actually is interested in a teaser I would love to share)

Once again, I hope this can be a discourse. Let me know your thoughts, opinions, etc. if you are willing to give other content a try and aren’t so familiar with the animated side of Star Wars I will gladly send you a guide I made for my best friend to aid. She has no knowledge of the animated series, and as someone who went to film school purely for my love of the clone wars, this return to the universe in many ways has felt like coming home. It’s where I have always felt the most safe. It’s where I always felt the most inspired. I am just overall so thankful to have found joy in writing once again as I feel like I lost it for a while there.

I am sorry if I have disappointed anyone, I just really need a break from HL creating until I sort out my life. I’ll still lurk on my lovely mutuals since I do love you all so dearly. @eternalremorse @writing-intheundercroft to name a few. I also owe this wonderful fandom for my best friend in the whole world. It’s a love of mine, right now I think we would be better on a break… if that makes sense…

That being said, I am so, so, SO thankful for the last year (plus a few months but who’s counting) with you all. I really do look forward to eventually coming back. Right now, I just would love to explore other avenues while I’m feeling so drained.

That’s all for now but I hope to post new content soon,

- M 💚

PS : to anyone who’s found this under TBB tags… I’m a bit nervous to dive back in to the Star Wars realm since I deleted all my old ST fics but I’m ready to try again…

[ryoko-akari]

I wrote this as a drabble a few nights ago and the SaF discord server coaxed me to post it here so a little scene of my headcanon about how Chimera lovebombed Owen early on.

Owen had lost track of the time that had passed, countless surgeries followed by half-concious recoveries certainly had that affect on people, and he was no exception. *Especially not in the sorry state he was in.* But he'd been rescued from that hellhole of a holding cell the Soviets had held him in a while ago now if the steadily diminishing number of bandages on his body was any indication. Regardless though, the pain persisted. A throbbing pain that had settled deep within his bones and pulsed through him in irregular beats. Some days were certainly worse than others, and he was grateful for the lighter days.

*Today however, was not one of those days.* He hadn't even made an attempt to cover up the groan that slipped its way out as he slowly woke back up from another dreamless slumber. Gentle beeping and whirring of machines surrounding him doing nothing to soothe the throbbing deep in his skull, nor the way it pounded through his cracked ribs and thundered through his splintered spine and shattered thighs. The pain echoed through every bone in his body, but those points made their protests louder than anything he'd known prior to his fall.

"Agent Carvour? Everything alright in here?" *Oh right, the nurse.* Owen groaned again, and they rushed through the door into the odd little room he'd been kept in. "Oh dear, another bad day is it?" Owen tried to nod, he really did, but all it did was amplify the drumming in his head and he winced with a loud hiss. "I know you've been adamant about it, but if its bothering you so much let us help you."

*There's the angle.* *"No."* Owen knew how it'd go, it was well researched in his field. The way medications, especially the stronger pain medications they wanted to administer, would make anyone loose lipped faster than a torrential downpour. No, he’d kept his mouth sealed for this long, he was *not* going to risk losing control now. He still didn’t know why this, *Chimera* group had decided he was worth risking a rescue for, what they could possibly be after that he was important enough to pour countless resources into mending his every injury and wound without a single corner cut. There was too much at stake to risk giving them anything until he knew more, and his damned migraine was not helping matters in the slightest.

“I understand your apprehension.” They said it so plainly, so calmly, Owen almost missed it. But they continued regardless if he did or not. “But you’re safe here.” They smiled, Owen more so heard it than saw it, his vision still blurred behind a wall of pain, too much to process anything he saw anyways. “We can make a deal, you don't have to talk, just let me give you something, not a full dose but *something* to help tide you over. You can ask all the questions if you’d like. I will answer whatever you ask to the best of my ability and with every bit of truth I know. I swear it.”

Owen kept his expression neutral, and by neutral that meant knitting his brow in pain as he considered this. There must have been a trap. Some kind of loophole he was too delirious to find that they could exploit, throwing him further into a spiral of muddled thoughts until he was nothing more than slop they could squeeze for whatever they wanted. The Soviets had tried and failed to do it by making his injuries so much worse, barely keeping him on the living side of death's knife-thin edge. Now they would try to do it with substances he had no chance of fighting off in his current stage.

They sighed, not out of frustration, not out of annoyance, not out of confusion, and not out of impatience. They sighed out of *pity,* a remorseful tone that he hadn’t an idea where it’d come from. “So talking scares you huh? Smart, but there's no need for that fear.” Owen stayed absolutely still, waiting to see what they would do. “How about a different deal then, we’ve got a library of all kinds of literary works, pick a title, any title you can think of, and I’ll get it. Let me give you something to take the edge off your agony and I’ll read it to you, no conversation. I’ll even promise to stop you if you try to interrupt with anything.”

*“‘m not a child.”* He mumbled, his own scratchy voice grating on his ears the more he used it.

“You aren’t. I’m simply offering because trying to read anything on your own is only going to make that migraine of yours worse. I’d not even offer at all if it wasn’t important to ensure you don't have an adverse reaction to the first few doses. Don’t need you developing an allergic reaction and making things worse on yourself, after all.”

Owen stayed silent, considering their offer. It wasn’t a terrible option, it scared him to no end but, the ache in his body had grown stronger by the minute, and from their previous encounters this nurse hadn’t given him reason to believe they’d lie to him about his treatments. It unnerved him, sure, but they’d always been truthful with their statements, and kept to the promises they’d made as far as he could tell. It certainly couldn’t *hurt* to give this option a shot (if he was in a better state of mine he might have chuckled at that prospect), and it might bring him that much closer to being able to function as his own person again.

“Alright, um-” He paused, suddenly sheepish at the way his memory evaded him faster than fog at the first sign of morning light, “I seem to have forgotten your name. I’m sorry-”

“Angel.” They smiled, and Owen could just barely focus on the glint of their teeth in his circus mirror vision. “You can call me Angel, everyone does. Now, what would you like to read?”

[sweetmage]

Happy Friday! How do you feel about a bit of Purple Mage M!Hawke/Anders/Justice and some "Reopening an Old Wound," either literally or metaphorically?

Hiii! Thank you so much for the prompt, I really enjoyed writing this one <3 Justice is more of an influence on Anders' thoughts/opinions than a direct presence in this (save for a few mentions) but I think it fits the prompt otherwise! Also, it totally got away from me, I couldn't resist falling into love confession territory 😆💖Thank you again!

@dadrunkwriting -- Rating: M Word Count: 5325 Characters: Anders, Hawke, Sebastian (mentioned) Trigger/Content Warnings: Brief canon typical mention of past abuse and sexual assault (with regards to the Circle), Sebastian critical (in the context of the story and Anders' feelings/opinions) Tags: Supportive Mage Hawke, past trauma, emotional hurt/comfort, banter and teasing, love confessions, innuendos, suggestive flirting, making out, insecurities, reassurance, crying, venting session, bed sharing, spending the night, falling in love.

Summary: After an insensitive confrontation from Sebastian rubbed him raw and a trip to the Hanged Man and Blooming Rose failed to soothe the hurt, Anders began to wander the streets and accidentally found himself on Hawke's doorstep...

Based on this Sebastian & Anders banter (imgur link)

Anders must have been the first man alive to ever leave a whorehouse unsatisfied. Even there he hadn't found respite from his troubled thoughts, only disappointment, discomfort, and a considerably lighter coin purse.

Though the arrogant prick had up and left hours ago, Anders could still feel his words like a dagger in his gut, lodged so tight even drink and fair company couldn't dull the ache.

He hated Sebastian, that spoiled princeling with a silver spoon shoved so far up his ass he could surely taste the metal. He was everything wrong with the Chantry personified; a zealot who hid his privilege beneath a veneer of piety and poverty while turning his eyes from the rot beneath his feet.

Of course he couldn't understand Anders' anger or grasp the depths of despair mages lived in every day, the fear that had been the cornerstone of his—every mage's—existence from the moment he'd first manifested magic.

The fact that that sanctimonious bastard dared even ask if something happened there, as though the reality all around him didn't speak for itself—it made him want to spit.

At this rate, he should have returned home but he'd lost track of the hours, drunk and aimless as he wandered through the city streets. He hadn't realized which turns he'd taken, how many steps he'd climbed until he found himself standing on a familiar doorstep, fingers hesitating at the knocker.

It was late, well past the hour he should be troubling Hawke, but when he tried to turn and go he found his body refusing to listen. Instead, his fingers wrapped around the cool metal of the knocker and knocked softly, regretting the action as soon as the sound echoed through the silence.

Retreating with a step back and another to follow, he was already turning to go when the door swung open and Hawke stood there, sleep-tousled and in a half-tied robe that hung loosely off the shoulder.

Anders' tongue seemed to swell and lodge itself at the back of his throat and his further attempts at escape landed him sprawled unceremoniously against the pavement at the bottom of the steps.

"What in the—" Hawke's hands were suddenly upon him, rolling him over onto his back and hauling him to his feet, his strong arms steadying him. "Anders?"

"I didn't mean to wake you," Anders muttered, the words spilling from his lips without conscious thought as he brushed the dirt from his coat. "I'm sorry. I'm going."

Hawke's hand caught his wrist and held him back. "Anders. Come inside."

"No, I shouldn't. I need to get back. I just, I didn't know where else to go. But I shouldn't have bothered you. I'll see you tomorrow. I'm fine." He tugged at his wrist and was surprised when Hawke held firm.

"You show up at my doorstep at Maker-knows-what hour, falling all over yourself and trying to run off into the night and I'm supposed to believe you're fine?"

Anders' gaze fell to the hand around his wrist, unable to meet Hawke's eyes. Against his better judgment, he said nothing, the silence stretching on long enough that Hawke sighed and dragged him into the house.

He didn't have the will or energy to fight it, following without a word of protest or resistance, allowing himself to be led through the quiet manor up to Hawke's bedroom.

"You didn't drop by to borrow a cup of sugar," Hawke noted, gesturing for him to have a seat at the desk or on the bed. Anders chose the desk. "Why are you here?"

Anders thought long and hard about the question only to come to an unsatisfactory answer. "I don't know."

"Are you drunk?"

"Yes."

"I thought you said Justice disapproved."

Anders shrugged, picking up the closest thing to him—a letter opener—and flipping it between his fingers, spinning it round and round, back and forth, his eyes glued to the movement of the blade. "I guess he's out for the night." It was meant to be a joke but he didn't have it in him and it slipped right over Hawke's head.

"Huh... So what happened? Trouble at the clinic?"

"No. I haven't been back today," he answered, shaking his head.

"After your little spat with Seb, you mean?" He asked the question in a casual, offhand way as though it wasn't a big deal, just a little squabble among travelmates.

Anders didn't answer, but the mention of Sebastian's name made his knuckles whiten around the blade’s grip.

"I should have said something," Hawke admitted, leaning back against the door and crossing his arms. "I didn't expect it to get so ugly."

"It's not your job to fight my battles for me." He looked up at him for a moment, then quickly turned away.

"I don't get paid to do a lot of things," Hawke replied. "Never stopped me before. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside."

"You'd face his wrath, listen to him prattle on just for the warmth and fuzziness of it all?" His lip quirked slightly, momentarily diverted from his woes as he regarded his friend dubiously.

"Everyone needs a hobby." He pushed himself off the wall to join Anders by the desk, settling himself on the edge and looking down upon him. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not particularly," he said, not entirely truthfully. It would be all too easy to let it spill forth—his worries and fears and frustrations—but it felt selfish. It was easier to turn his sights to the plight of others, to bear the pain of the downtrodden in place of his own and forget that he, too, could hurt.

"So you came here just to brood at my desk and play with my things?"

“Apparently," he murmured. Returning the opener to its proper place, Anders instead ran his hands idly along the smooth edge of the desk. "I'm sorry. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I didn't have some grand plan in mind. I didn't mean to come here."

"And yet, here you are. If you didn't want to see me, there's a few other people in Kirkwall you could have dropped in on. Washed up Orlesian chevaliers. Carta dwarves. That crazy guy who hangs out under the stairs. You picked me. What does that say about you, I wonder?"

"That I have poor taste and a penchant for trouble?" Anders guessed.

"I was going more for 'he needs someone who cares' but that's a close second."

Smiling ruefully, Anders shook his head, his hair slipping from behind his ear. Hawke reached over to brush it aside, tucking the loose locks gently back where they belonged. Quietly, Anders turned to look at him, eyes tracing his friend's features in the dim candlelight as his hand lingered at his jaw a moment too long.

"I'm awake now and my ears are all yours so why not talk? It might make you feel better."

It might... It just seemed so unnecessary when there were far greater concerns in Kirkwall to address. Yet he found himself regretting that last drink, the one that now had the words resting heavy on the tip of his tongue, begging for freedom.

"Anders?"

"He asked me if something happened to me in the Circle. If I was angry about it. The very fact that he could even ask that..." He scoffed and turned away. "The nerve of it..."

"Did something happen to you?" Hawke asked, his tone soft and low. Somehow on his lips—a mage, a friend—it sounded less prying than when Sebastian had asked it.

"Something happens to a lot of us. That's how things are in a Circle. They take your life from you, tell you what to think and how to behave. They force mages into isolation, separate them from everything and everyone they've ever loved and they're told it's for their own safety, that they're only helping. Then they do a lot worse than that, they have all these pretty words to dress that up, to make them believe that what they're going through is just a natural consequence of being born who they are." He felt Justice stirring at the thought and tried to quash his emotions before they could spark something bigger.

"I didn't ask about the other mages, though. I asked about you."

An odd feeling rose within him—like a spotlight had been trained upon him, the only man in a dark room. He shifted, suddenly uncomfortable under the scrutiny. "Yes. No. Sort of. It doesn't matter."

Hawke seemed dissatisfied with his answer, his lips pursed and head cocked slightly to one side. "It doesn't sound like you were very ‘fortunate’," he remarked of Anders' early statements, the words he'd used to dismiss Sebastian's questions.

'It's not about being beaten or raped by a templar— that does happen, but I've been fortunate.'

His own words played over in his mind, a barrier he'd erected between himself and the truth. That it kept Sebastian out as well was just a bonus. He'd spent so long building his defenses, fortifying himself in the way required to stand for others, but Hawke's steady, caring gaze was chipping away at them.

"I was fortunate to escape," he conceded, his words halting and reluctant. "Most don't. They still face that threat every day."

"So that's what happened to you? Raped and beaten? And everything else you were on about?"

He had met few people less tactful than Hawke, but something about the way he put aside his mask of charm and humor and just said the things others danced around was oddly comforting. He was trying and that was more than many had done for Anders.

"I don't really want to talk about this," he answered quietly, not meeting his gaze.

"I'm sorry that happened to you."

Anders felt the prickle of tears at the corners of his eyes and the heat rising in his face and hated both. "It doesn't matter," he said, trying and failing to keep his voice even. "It was a long time ago."

"Maybe. It doesn't make it hurt any less, does it?"

"No. It doesn't. I haven't told anyone except for Justice. He... saw it. When he joined with me. Everything that happened over decades in a split second. But then we couldn't speak to each other anymore. So the only one that knows now is..." He looked down at his hands, flexing the fingers as though they weren't his own. "I shouldn't have put that on you. I'm sorry. Just forget I said anything..."

Without preamble, Hawke lowered himself from the desk and placed his hands upon Anders' shoulders and pulled him forward, wrapping his arms around him in an awkward but sincere embrace.

Anders stiffened in surprise, uncertain how to react at first. After a moment, though, he gave in, leaning into Hawke and letting his arms circle his waist, hands fisting at the back of his robes as his emotions began to spill forth, a quiet sob wracking his body before he could stifle it.

Hawke's hand cradled the back of his head, his fingers slipping into his hair. He graciously said nothing, simply holding Anders as the dam broke and his years of pain and suffering found release.

He had never wished to distract from the bigger picture, to center himself in a fight that was not his alone, but he knew that Hawke saw the root of what he was fighting for. Was it so wrong, then, to let him see a glimpse of the man beneath the cause?

Anders didn't know, but it felt good to be seen, to be understood.

"Feel better?" Hawke asked, breaking the silence between them when Anders finally pulled back.

He was embarrassed at his outburst, at the damp patch of tears upon Hawke's shoulder, but there was no mocking in his friend's eyes, no judgment or disgust, just simple compassion. "A bit. Thank you."

"My pleasure. I mean, not my actual pleasure, obviously. I didn't enjoy watching you cry, I just—you know what? Nevermind." He cleared his throat, straightening his house robe and looking away.

Anders smiled, a small, fleeting thing, and wiped at his nose with the sleeve of his coat. "You're a good friend, Hawke. I'm not sure what I've done to— I mean, you're just... you're a good man."

"Be still, my beating heart," Hawke muttered, putting a hand to his chest as though overwhelmed by the flattery. And perhaps he was, his cheeks dusted a light shade of pink and a sheepish smile upon his lips. "Don't go getting all sentimental on me or I'll be the next one to wind up in tears."

"Well if you need a shoulder..."

"Those do look pretty soft," Hawke teased, gesturing to the plumage that adorned Anders' coat. "I'm going to have to take you up on that sometime."

"Anytime," Anders said, chuckling lightly.

"So, would you prefer the bed or the floor?"

The question left him feeling off-kilter, unsure whether Hawke was making a joke or asking legitimately. He hesitated a moment, considering, then realized it was probably a bit silly to think too hard about it if he was being genuine.

"I think the cots in my clinic are just fine, thank you."

"Seriously, Anders? Still trying to scamper off? After all that? We've hugged and everything!"

"And that means you think I should share your bed now?"

"I never mentioned anything about sharing," Hawke replied, his brows arching.

"A-ah..." Anders felt the heat rise in his cheeks, his heart picking up a notch. "I suppose you didn't." Standing quickly, he tried not to seem too hasty as he turned for the door. "Still, it's late and I'm sobering up so—"

Hawke's hand closed around his wrist, stopping him again. "Stay."

"What?"

"Here. Tonight. With me. Stay."

It was hard not to notice how close Hawke was, standing a scant inch from him, the scent of him filling his senses. His eyes fell to his lips and then he tore his gaze away, his face hot, pulse racing.

He knew he shouldn't get any closer, but the night had already gotten away from him and his thoughts were still hazy, clouded with alcohol and emotion.

"It's a long walk, the sun will be up before you get back to Darktown and you've had quite a bit to drink. It's better you stay here. And... I'd miss you, if you left."

Anders looked at Hawke, at his kind, earnest expression and could not find it in himself to say no. "You do so much for me. I don't know how to thank you."

"Try getting a solid eight to ten hours of sleep for once and we'll call it even," he replied, only half-teasing.

"Ten? I haven't even slept for more than six since..." He sighed, not even knowing how long he'd been undersleeping to allow for more work time. But if that was all Hawke was asking then it was hardly an unreasonable request. "Alright."

"Good." Releasing his wrist, Hawke took a step back, removing himself from Anders' personal space. "Do you need anything? Food? Water?"

"No, I'll be alright. Sleep does sound nice. I'll just go hang up my coat and—"

"Ah. Right. You need something to sleep in. Hold tight a moment." He strode across the room and rifled through his wardrobe, returning a few moments later with a loose house robe. "It's probably a bit too big but it's better than nothing. There's a basin in the corner if you want to wash up. Or you can use the tub downstairs, it's big enough for a family. Not that you need that, unless you have an interesting story to tell. Not that it's any of my business if you do." He held the robe out to him and Anders took it, amused at his rambling. He seemed almost... nervous? Or perhaps the hour was getting to him.

"I'll make do with the basin, thanks," he said, reluctant to dally any longer than necessary lest he lose his nerve and get the urge to flee again.

"Of course." Hawke smiled, gesturing vaguely towards the washbasin and turning away for Anders' privacy.

He dipped behind the divider and stripped down to his smalls, performing a quick, perfunctory wash before redressing in the robe Hawke had provided. To say they were too large would be a vast understatement, his slender frame was all but swallowed up by the oversized garment. He flushed, tugging self-consciously at the hem as he emerged.

As expected, Hawke wore an amused grin the moment his eyes fell upon him, just barely withholding a snicker at his expense.

"Yeah yeah, laugh it up," Anders grumbled, though he couldn't help but return the smile, his amusement proved infectious.

"Oh, I'm going to, don't even worry," he said, his laughter bubbling over. "Maker, I ought to feed you come morning, you could use a few good meals. You're practically swimming in that robe."

As though even a few meals would fill him out this much. "I eat fine, Hawke," he grumbled in retort. But, for all his eye-rolling, he was somewhat endeared by the sentiment behind Hawke's teasing. It was an oddly domestic scene and Anders was loathe to admit a part of him was enjoying it.

"Sure you do. And I'm the king of Ferelden. Now come on, bed's over here." Hawke moved from his spot beside the desk to pull back the bedcovers and gestured for Anders to climb in. "So... what you said before, the thing about us sharing...?" As soon as the words fled his lips he looked mortified, as though he hadn't meant to actually ask them.

"Hawke..." Anders stared at him, brow quirked and a faint flush rising in his cheeks. "I wasn't serious about that. I just thought that's what you were saying—"

Hawke looked stricken and pale, a nervous sheen forming upon his brow. "Right. No, I know. I just... Forget it. Nevermind. Just... you can have the bed." Backing away he began to retreat towards the door. "I'll take the chaise."

"Hawke, wait." Anders laid a hand upon his shoulder before he could think better of it and, after a deep breath he exhaled with a chuckle. "Point taken, I see how you feel when I'm trying to make a break for it."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to— It wasn't that I was trying to run from you, it's just— Maker's balls, can I form a single coherent sentence?" He ran a hand down over his weary features. "Look, you're very tired and very vulnerable and a little drunk so I shouldn't have said anything. I was being an ass. And after what you told me tonight... I don't want to be another person you have to be afraid of."

Anders was silent for a moment, his hand still upon Hawke's shoulder while he mulled his words. Despite his best efforts, he couldn't reel in the scowl that darkened his features even when Hawke's expression shifted in response. He let his hand drop, though not his gaze. "What? Now that I've poured out my heart, you think I'm just going to fall apart on you? Don't make me regret opening up to you. I don't want to be treated differently because of it. I can't stand that."

Where Anders had expected more pity and floundering, he instead found relief in Hawke's expression, followed by a soft smile. "Thank the bloody Maker. You have no idea how terrible I am at the whole 'walking on eggshells' song and dance." He let out a deep, tension-breaking sigh.

"You've made that clear." His lips twitched into a brief, wry smile before returning Hawke's honesty with a bit of his own. "I appreciate you trying. Really. It’s meant the world to me to still have you here at my side after everything. I've never had a friend like you before. Maker knows what I'd do without you." He was thankful he was sobering because the more he spoke, the closer he found himself to a confession he'd rather not make.

"Probably have a lot fewer people trying to kill you," Hawke mused.

"Or a lot more. Or I'd already be ashes in the pyre. Either way, I'm glad I have you with me." He managed a half-smile, shrugging the robe further up his shoulder though it was a losing battle. "But enough of that. It's late and someone was telling me I need a solid ten hours of sleep." Stepping around Hawke, he climbed into the bed and slid beneath the covers. The sheets were sinfully comfortable—unlike anything he'd known in his clinic, the circle, or even the Keep—and his weary body was already melting into the mattress, eager for rest. A shame, then, that his mind was set to racing again as Hawke climbed in beside him.

"I assume this is back on the table then?" He asked, settling in so close Anders could feel the heat radiating from his body, smell the subtle floral of his hair as it fell and fanned half off of his pillow and half onto Anders'.

He'd forgotten the question entirely the moment it reached his ears. "Sorry?" He asked, shaking his head slightly.

"Sorry?" Hawke echoed, lids lowered groggily or perhaps even sultry as he watched Anders over the short space between them. "Are you cold? You're shaking something fierce."

Was he? He hadn't noticed, his whole body had gone stiff at Hawke's closeness and he hadn't been able to feel much of anything else since. But Hawke's fingers upon his arm were proof enough that it wasn't just a flight of fancy, that he hadn't imagined that Hawke was looking at him in such a way. "Oh," he murmured, drawing his limbs inward and willing his heart to calm. "Yes. A bit."

And it was only then that he noticed Hawke's arm moving across his pillow. His fingers were slow and steady, deliberate as they inched towards the back of his neck until Anders, unable to help himself, moved in towards the contact. He rested his cheek against Hawke's upper arm, face pressed into his shoulder as Hawke's fingers continued up and threaded into his hair, combing lightly through the loose locks. He lay still as a stone, wondering if Hawke was feeling every heavy thud of his heart, when he'd realize what he was doing and who it was he was with and recoil, but the moments ticked by and he did no such thing.

"Hawke?" He lifted his head from his arm to meet his eyes, only to find himself drowning in those warm pools of amber, the breath caught in his lungs. Anders' lips parted and the words fell forth before he could stop them: "You don't know what you're doing, what you're risking." They were the same words he'd told himself time and again, ones he'd used to distance himself from others, from temptation. Yet, there in the quiet intimacy of Hawke's bed, they sounded hollow and false. "You deserve better than the ruin I will bring you."

"Why did you come here tonight?" Hawke asked him softly. "To me. Why didn't you go to Varric? Isabela? Why didn't you go home?"

The words did not come easy, filtered through a thousand lies he wished to tell. In the end, however, he could not. Not to him. "I only feel like myself when I'm with you. Like I'm alive and can face anything. Like anything matters. Like I matter." He felt more exposed now than he had in Hawke's robe, his heart laid bare before him. Dangerous confessions they were, and yet, they tasted sweet on his tongue. "I wasn't lying when I said I didn't mean to come here. But that's worse, like my heart knew what my head couldn't."

"You speak to me like that then expect me to let you go?"

"You should," he whispered. "I can't give you what you deserve—"

"Then give me what I want," he countered, though Anders did not know which he spoke of—a night, a future—and feared asking for clarification lest it all be dashed to bits. "No... what you want. It's your call," he murmured, fingers slipping from his hair and across Anders' cheek as he withdrew his hand.

What he wanted... dare he even put words to it? A simple touch, the taste of Hawke's lips upon his own, to hear his name whispered in the dark as the morning came. These things were selfish, and yet... perhaps there was nothing so wrong with that now and again. Was it wrong to want another shoulder to share the weight of the world with? He'd been fighting alone for so long...

His body moved before he'd made any conscious decision, his eyes locked upon Hawke's mouth. He thought he saw Hawke swallow, but there was no resistance when he moved forward, no flinch of surprise. His fingers splayed across Hawke's jaw, holding him there as their lips came together in the briefest, softest contact. "Andraste, help us both... I love you, Hawke," he murmured, voice hoarse with longing. "I have not slept soundly a night since I met you because I know you'll await me in my dreams and nothing can sate the ache in me when I wake without you there."

Hawke stayed silent long enough for Anders to start counting the seconds, wondering if perhaps he'd misstepped, but he didn't need to worry long. "It felt nice. Kissing you. I liked that," Hawke said finally. A blush crept over his cheeks, just visible in the lowlight. "Kiss me more? Please?" he added, his thumb brushing the stubble along Anders' jaw. "If you're sure it's not wrong."

It was a question that deserved an answer but all he could think was 'finally', his body closing the remaining distance between them with fervent abandon. His lips sought Hawke's and were greeted with no opposition, Hawke's fingers tangling back into his hair to draw him deeper. Hawke's lips parted beneath his and Anders tasted him, tongue slipping inside and exploring him for the first time. He tasted like sunlight and summer and everything he'd been missing in life. He couldn't help the soft, breathy sighs he spilled into Hawke's lips, his fingers clutching desperately at his robe, afraid if he let go he'd wake again like always.

"Maker, Anders..." Hawke's breath shuddered over the name, his chest rising and falling heavily. "I don't know how to love you right, but I love you. I love you so much," he whispered between frantic kisses, the words Anders longed for so badly falling from those precious lips.

Hawke wanted him, loved him... Anders wanted to sob for joy, his heart filled to burst from those words. "You love me... I could ask no more of you." He was shaking again, he realized, but it was alright. Hawke seemed receptive to every trembling touch, every whimper and sigh, every unspoken request to hold Anders closer and never let him go.

Anders was all but ready to have him here and now when Hawke began to slow the pace back to something tame, drawing him back with a few pecks at his lips. Then, he released him completely and settled back onto the pillow, a faint sheen of sweat upon his brow.

"Sorry," Hawke said, his breath coming in soft pants. "We should... slow down."

Anders let out a faint sigh of his own, a flicker of disappointment igniting inside him, but he tried not to let it show. "Sorry..."

"What are you sorry for?" Hawke asked with a soft laugh, a flush rising on his cheeks as his eyes ran over Anders' face and lips, looking at him in such a way it sent his heart racing once again. "I just thought: Why disappoint you now when I could disappoint you twice as much later? And for twice as long."

"You want to later? With me?"

"Disappoint you and forever change how you look at me?" Hawke asked, a smile touching his lips. "I'd be a complete idiot to pass up that opportunity."

"I didn't mean—I mean, I'd only be let down if you weren't serious," Anders admitted, glancing away from him for a moment. "I don't want to play with your heart, but I hope you won't play with mine either. Maybe it's best you sleep on it. Before you cast your life aside, put yourself in the Chantry's sights..." He was reluctant to bring reality back into a moment so blissful, but he needed Hawke to understand. "No one has done for mages what you have done, few understand our plight like you. So you know what it's like for people like us, the risks you'd be taking for loving me. It's dangerous when you have something you are afraid to lose. They can use that against you. If the Templars hurt you for this, for me, I'd—"

"Hard to argue with that logic," Hawke cut in, waving him into silence. "In that case, I suppose I'd better tell Mother to find a new place. And I'll leave Marian near the road in a crate marked 'for free'... assuming I can find one her size. And Dog is probably smart enough to make his own way, he already loves to eat rubbish so I'm sure he'll manage."

"Excuse me?" Anders asked, blinking owlishly.

"Wouldn't want the Templars coming for anyone I love so it's best I put them out first, right?" He gave him a light, knowing smile that belied his deadpan delivery.

Heat crept to his cheeks and realization struck, a twinge of embarrassment coursing through him. "Well when you say it like that it sounds ridiculous."

"Praise the Maker, you're catching on." He cupped Anders' jaw, running a thumb lightly across his lip. "Let them try to take you from me."

He shivered at the promise, the protective gleam in Hawke's eye. "You really mean that." It wasn't a question, he could read the conviction in his face. "Thank you."

"Will you sleep now?" He asked, shifting closer to him to tuck his face into the crook of his neck, his beard scratching pleasantly at the tender skin. "It's less awkward if we both go instead of me snoring in the middle of you pouring your heart out."

"Yes, love." It felt nice upon his tongue, natural and right as though it had always been waiting there.

"Mmm, that sounds nice." Hawke pressed a chaste peck to the corner of his jaw and he could feel his smile there. "Sweet dreams."

"Goodnight," he said softly back, wrapping his arms around his love. He listened as Hawke's breathing slowed and steadied as he fell to slumber. He almost didn't want to join him, he wanted to bask in this moment forever.

The day's troubles felt worlds away and the ones yet to come no longer loomed so large. Even the thought of that smug prick was more an afterthought than an outrage in Hawke's arms. What did that arrogant prince know anyway? He surely lay alone in the Chantry cots wrapped safely in his ignorance, willfully unaware of the world and its cruelties. To live such a lie and remain on a high horse seemed a pathetic existence, one Anders did not envy despite all he had to witness and endure. Though he—Justice—had his reservations, Anders knew this was no distraction. Hawke had proven himself worthy and then some, risked and suffered for the rights of all mages; Sebastian would continue to grope around in the darkness he chose while the brightest light in Kirkwall had his lips to Anders' neck. He felt vindicated. And tired...

He let his eyes fall shut, Hawke's warmth and scent enveloping him. If he was still dreaming, he hoped he could stay like this just a little longer.

[goomyloid]

PLEASE explain your thoughts on kriselle in full detail

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS 100% UNPROMPTED ASK! I SHALL EXPLAIN

i hate toby fox. why did he do this to us. he really put it better than anyone else. not really romantic not really platonic but…. something else… some secret more sinister more heartfelt more absurd third thing

i wonder at what point should i clarify that i dont even really seek out kriselle in a romantic context… DONT GET ME WRONG i have zero issues with the ship whatsoever and all of the krisellers out there are living their best (most painful) lives and i SEE THE APPEAL. BUT when i rotate them in my brain i dont need them to kiss or anything like that i just need them to sit down and sadly hold hands and stay like that forever and ever. in case you couldnt gauge that from my art so far

tldr i dont think i ship them in the traditional sense at least …. the things that i usually fixate on for any romantic ship are not there with these two. there are no romantic feelings there In my mind. and all at the same time i start screaming and throwing up and killing myself (all positive) whenever i see them even in the same image together. hngh

ive tried explaining this to people before and they usually suggest something along the lines of a QPR and even that doesnt feel right to me. truly the best way i can put it is… that red string of fate man… which i almost hesitate on saying too because i dont actually know if noelle is Quite an important enough character to the story to warrant a connection like that. WHICH IS A CRAZY THING TO SAY. I KNOW. DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT GETTING ME WRONG i think dess and her connections to gaster and her usage as a stepping stone into the weird route are all VERY important… but in my brain its just not kris/knight/asriel/every other mysterious main focus of the story Important. i didnt mean to get into deltarune theorizing here i hope nobody’s blood is boiling rn

so yeah in the end. toby fox once again put it best. they are friends, but they are also something else.

back to the actual pairing though… sometimes i think im going overboard and overestimating how close kris and noelle were as children because noelle will go and say things like “i wonder if we were ever really friends at all.” which is kind of a fair statement considering the circumstances. sure they played together and all and tagged along with their siblings to do stuff together but when dess went missing… it all kind of stopped. kris is just a kid, they dont know what to do or even how to process it, much like noelle. asriel is probably dealing with his own feelings, he just lost his friend and likely old enough to understand the weight of what happened. while noelle and kris cant say much to each other at all.

im always back and forth on speaking headcanons for kris but the one that i always seem to come back to is selective mutism… to me kris had a lot of trouble communicating well as a child and could only grow comfortable around certain people, asriel and noelle being clear examples because they’re both so patient with them. maybe because of this noelle felt like they could understand each other without really needing words, and just physical interaction was enough to achieve some form of closeness… or maybe that was all just on her end, she thinks when kris goes to play the piano. but if that’s the case, why does it feel like a concert just for her…?

jesus dont even get me start on them as teenagers either. noelle has lost her sister, and now kris has lost their brother… but not in the same way. they look at each other and wonder if they’re the same now. or, maybe thats too cruel. maybe its not the same thing at all. asriel’s coming back soon, after all. it will all be over soon, kris won’t have to feel this way for much longer, right? so then, why does kris look so miserable, sitting in the corner over there? all noelle feels like she can do is sit next to them quietly. to be there, and to somehow, vaguely, messily help each other. the misfit kids that dont really know how to talk to each other and yet understand each other regardless

thats why the dark world feels like such a dream to her. these crazy city lights, fantastical creatures, susie’s there, and she actually might have the means to defend herself and stand her ground, whether it be verbally or… otherwise

and most of all, much like with kris offering an adventurous haven to susie in ch1, the same is extended to noelle. by kris’s side, no less. it feels like theyre doing things together again, and its fun, and nostalgic… she wants to bring dess. and i think its okay to assume kris wants to bring asriel, too. recreating the make-believe world they lost so long ago… is it really possible?

no… how can it really be possible, when this isnt kris? something is wrong. its almost perfect, except kris… it’s them, but it’s not. she sees their face, their expressions, their laughs, their worries. and yet the voice that comes from them… isnt them. and it scares her! even if nothing particularly bad happened as a result. and if something bad DID happen, well…

she just wants what they had before back. is it really so impossible? can they reconcile after all these years? does kris want to? is kris capable of doing so? maybe they just need to hug again. will it feel like a real hug? the person she thought she understood is acting in ways she doesnt understand. they’re telling her to do weird things. they cycle through actions as if they just want to know what happens. and they cant even play piano anymore.