#I often have pain to the point I can't walk for weeks or sometimes up to a month and I have to use mobility aids; not always but enough

[daisyssousa]

Hi. I hope you don't mind me asking your opinion, as a disabled person, about comments I've seen about Sousa's new prosthetic. I realize no group is a monolith, so you won't provide THE difinitive answer, but I would like hear from someone who actually lives through it.

So, why is Sousa's new prosthetic considered ableist but his old prosthetic was not? Is it because his disability is no longer obvious? But if the new prosthetic works better, why is that a bad thing? Sorry, I guess that's three questions. I really hope this didn't come off offensive, I genuinely just want to understand.

I hope your having a great day and have fun blocking the anti-Dousy trolls😊

Hi there! <333 Thank you very much for the question! It's not offensive at all!

As you pointed out, we're not a monolith, so I definitely can't speak for every disabled person out there, nor am I trying to! If someone is legitimately offended, they completely have a right to their feelings. I'm also not an amputee, so I can't speak to that either.

I think there are some people who feel that because his new prosthetic made it so that he can walk completely normally, they feel like it's erasing his disability. There are a few reasons I heavily disagree with this mindset:

It doesn't erase his disability at all: He will still have to care for his leg the same way he would with any other prosthetic. He will still have to keep it clean and take care of the skin to keep from getting it irritated, injured, or infected. He will have to keep up care of his remaining leg muscles too to be able to use it. It's mechnical and electronic, so the prosthetic itself will require maintinence and upkeep as most tech does. It's not going to be like poof! His leg is magically healed! When you get down to it: his new leg is still not his real leg.

I do think there is room for criticism in the sense that Agents of Shield didn't show this on screen. In fairness, perhaps they thought in showing Coulson and Yoyo previously struggling with their prosthetics, they thought maybe it would be enough since season 7 was already crammed. I do think they should've given us at least a little something though. But still: it didn't erase Coulson or Yoyo's disabilities, so it wouldn't erase Sousa's either.

Technological advances: With all the technological advances of the Marvel world and all of Fitzsimmons' inventions, giving Sousa a high tech prosthetic is completely within reason. It isn't like the Agents of Shield writers magically pulled special technology out of nowhere to specifically "erase" his disability, there was already a precendent set with Coulson and Yoyo (and Bucky Barnes). And also LMDs. Even Daisy's gaunlets are prosthetics in a way, since they keep her bones from breaking when she quakes.

If they'd retconned his missing leg or used some kind of hand-wavy magic to get it back, then yeah I could see the argument. But that's not what happened.

Real world technological advancements are catching up too: there are already prosthetics in development that use the electrical impulses of the brain to move the prosthetic limb and allow the person to feel sensations! There are also battery powered mechnical ones. Should real amputees be barred from using these because it "erases" their struggle? No. (btw I am not aiming this at you anon, this is me speaking in general! <3)

Sousa's wish to walk again is in character: Sousa expressed in episode 2x08 of Agent Carter: "I know desperation. You know what I'd give to be able to walk again? A lot." He even uses the word "desperate." This is fulfilling a character trait he had in Agent Carter. It didn't come from Agents of Shield. He wants to be able to walk and is accepting of the prosthetic.

It grants him more freedom of movement and less pain: Especially considering they were in the middle of a dangerous mission, giving him more movement and less pain to hinder him is extremely helpful. And in general, why shouldn't he be able to use something that helps him be in less pain and do more every day? No one should be forced to struggle just to prove they're disabled! (Again not directed at you anon, in general <3)

Anyway, my brain is turning a bit mushy, but I hope this helps you anon! <333

[winkwonkwankwenk]

Hello!! I just read your Nanami headcanons, and ahhhh, it was so good!! The romantic vacation one 🫠

Could I put in a request for similar SFW & NSFW he's but with Ijichi Kiyotaka? I just adore him sm <333

Kiyotaka Head-cannons!! (SFW & NSFW)

I always thought this guy was cute but never managed to remember his name 😭here's ur hcs!!!

SFW

He's clumsy- constantly. That dish in the sink? Broken. Flower pot? Shattered. He doesn't do it on purpose! He tries to clean up around the house so you won't have to but sometimes he's a bit heavy handed from his nerves.

Speaking of nerves, his social anxiety is off the charts. Agoraphobia is something he's been working through with your help, he's gotten to the point where as long as you're there he can be anywhere.

He overthinks a lot so you often have to reassure him that he's more than enough, and when you do he'll always bury his face in your shoulder or neck and hum happily.

He gets headaches when he takes off his glasses, especially after long shifts. He'll groan and lay his head on his desk. He doesn't like worrying you so most of the time he'll just pop a few pain meds into his mouth, chug a glass of water, and get back to work.

He overworks himself without realizing it. Sometimes you wake up to the sound of him clicking his computer keys beside you. "Sorry Darling, I'll be done in a minute," he always tells you but when you wake up to cook breakfast you see him in the same spot, typing away. Eventually you started limiting his screen-time to six hours.

He's a sucker for holding hands. Your hands are so soft, skin so silky. He'd hold them forever if he could.

He thought about going to the gym because he was insecure about how slender he is, but all it took was a compliment from you to change his mind. You told him you liked how lanky he was and his cheeks flushed.

He likes coming home to dinner and always makes sure he can. He'll call you thirty-minutes before his shift ends just to see what you're cooking. He gets excited when you tell him you're cooking his favorite and has to force himself not to speed home. "You cooked Udon? Have I told you how much I love you?"

He can't handle spicy foods at all. One bite and his entire face puffs up and turns neon red. One time he accidently put chili flakes in his ramen and had to go to the emergency room.

NSFW (HELLA KINKY STUFF AHEAD BECAUSE I KNOW HE'S A F.R.E.A.K.)

He doesn't just like your hands, he loves them. Wrapped around his throat, his wrists, his cock- sometimes he'll kiss and suck on your palms just to get off. He likes being choked, feeling your rings bruise his throat turns him on, especially when you whisper degrading praises in his ears.

He's a loud lover. You've gotten complaints from apartments above and below you but there's no shutting him up.

You know what they say about long, tall men. His member is the size of his forearm. What he lacks in girth he more than makes up for in length.

Definitely shops on AdamandEve's, waits for a sale and next thing you know there's boxes of toys on your porch. When you ask him about it he'll be too embarrassed to tell you what he brought but when you open the box he begs to try everything at least once. You agree but draw the line at the tentacle dildo.

He can't handle head, he's too sensitive. He prefers handjobs, especially when you squeeze his shaft between those sweet fingers and stroke him slowly. When you tease his tip he's a goner, cumming seconds because he can't hold it in.

He begged you to eat your ass for weeks and when you finally let him he devoured. He likes anal so much because he gets to grip and play with your ass while watching it recoil against his waist. You couldn't walk straight for a week because eating your ass turned into anal and pussy fingering.

Speaking of fingering, he's amazing at it. He'll curl and twist his fingers inside of you until he finds your sweet spot and then push against it. Making you cum is only the beginning, he doesn't stop until your thighs tremble and you're blacking out.

He likes fucking in public, even if it's just a quickie. He'll make five minutes feel like five hours, ramming into you and whining when you pull away. "Please...can't we just keep going?" He'll beg when you remind him you're in the corner of a store. "Y/N, please..." You sigh and give in. You end up holding onto the railing in the dressing room for dear life as he fucks you from the back. "Your back is so pretty in this top...let me buy it for you." He says in between grunts.

One time he saw you talking to a buff man and asked if he could watch the two of you fuck. You didn't even know what to address first. "I know you'd never cheat! I was just- I was thinking how nice it'd be to watch you be..." He throws his hands up in surrender when you glare at him, "Just a thought!". Cuck.

He likes watching you masturbate.

You gave him a footjob once because he wanted to try it. You found out he's horrendously down bad and that you're not a fan of cum between your toes. He offered to suck them clean, you smacked him with a pillow in response.

You walked in on him collecting your dirty panties from the laundry basket once. He swore he was just organizing the clothes before washing but you swore you saw him taking a big whiff before you walked in and saw a bulge in his pants.

He's a bit perverted at times, but he's so cute when he cums that you let him get away with it.

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[mysecretlittlelibrary]

To Play Hide And Seek With Jealousy

Pairing: Yandere!Loki x Reader

Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings: Stalking, murder, general psycho yandere behavior???

Genre: it's dark it's kinda angst technically

Summary: you have a stalker, what happens when you can't take the anxiety anymore // inspired by: To Play Hide and Seek With Jealousy by Famous Last Words

***

The first time he saw you was at work. It was late and the library you work in was just about to close when he happened to catch a glimpse of you through the window. You'd been resting your chin in your hand, reading a book. He stared for quite some time from across the street, watching you close up. He even followed you a few blocks, not all the way to your apartment, but far enough to be reprimanded if anyone found out. You didn't see him, didn't even know for sure there was anyone around but you felt it. A strange inclination that something was amiss. It went on for weeks. You'd feel just the vaguest sense of unease sometimes. When leaving work, or going to work, lunch with friends, even running errands became stressful. You were always looking over your shoulder and your dear boyfriend, he tried everything to calm you down. Started walking you to and from work, or at least calling you when he couldn't, installing extra locks on your apartment door, anything he could do to ease your anxieties he did. It helped, slightly, but even now you still get that odd chill at the back of your neck sometimes. 

Unfortunately these days it's usually accompanied by flashes of green and gold. You know for a fact someone is following you, the piercing pair of eyes you often catch peering from the shadows while you're working is enough proof for you. You'd thought you imagined those eyes at first, a side effect of your growing paranoia, but you've seen them too many times, taken pictures, in fact, today you'd be able to draw them how regularly you see them during your late nights at the library. And working day shifts doesn't help, no, those eyes still peek at you from the shadows of the nearby high rises and at this point, you only wish they would do something.

It's exhausting, the constant unease, looking over your shoulder for glints of gold, or glimpses of green, or that pair of eyes. You've barely been able to sleep most nights, even with your boyfriend around literally all the time to try to dispel your nerves.

Your boyfriend. A problem. He already didn't know how to approach you but worse was that- pathetic mortal you kept around. You could do so much better than him, deserved so much better than him, and if he could just get your boyfriend out of the picture he knows he could give that to you. And getting your boyfriend out of the picture is exactly what he plans to do. First anyway.

He's not mean with it. Although he could be. He sees no reason to prolong the torture. It won't win him points or anything. One night, before your boyfriend can pick you up at work he grabs him. So quick the boyfriend can't even scream before he's in a cabin in the woods.

"I appreciate you taking care of her for me, but you can't keep her anymore, and with you around she'll never have me. So you have to go." He tells your boyfriend calmly.

"Y-you're the one who's been stalking my girlfriend?"

"Stalking is a- dreadful way to put it. I suppose it doesn't matter though seeing as I'm about to kill you. Don't worry I'll be quick. I have to get back before y/n gets off of work." A dagger appears in his hand and your boyfriend's eyes widen. He lets out a yell as the blade is plunged through his heart. Luckily they're far away enough from the city that no one will hear him out here. A few moments of pained groans later, your boyfriend slumps over in the chair and he knows the job is done. He waves a hand and magic disposes of the body, cleans his clothes and returns him to his hiding spot to watch you for the remainder of your shift. He even sends a text on your boyfriend's behalf apologizing that he will not be able to get you after all. Step one complete.

When your shift ends you're so nervous about walking alone by yourself that you call a friend to keep you calm. The feeling that you're being watched doesn't go away but you can ignore it slightly while on the phone. In your apartment, you're even more unsettled to realize your boyfriend isn't here. He's always here. Sure he still has his own place but the last few weeks he's hardly left yours because of your concerns. Something is wrong. You feel it in your bones but what can you do exactly?

It's pure coincidence, the video you see the next day on social media, those same eyes you see in the shadows all the time now on your phone, attached to a face, with a name. Loki. You wouldn't be so quick to say so definitively if those eyes were not burned into your memory and if not for the green and gold that seems to be his signature. There's something comforting about having a name and face to the ominous shadow you've... accrued. It doesn't completely eliminate the fear you feel leaving your apartment but it definitely lessens it even if only slightly.

A week. Another week goes by before you resolve you can't let this go on any longer. It's a bit impulsive, you're walking home from work, and after the sound of a window closing makes you jump you decide right then that you have absolutely had enough. You stop in your tracks and turn around angrily. You can't see him but you know he's there somewhere.

"LOKI! I am so over this shit and I know you can hear me so whatever fucking game you're playing it's over! Either show yourself now and tell me what you want or leave me the fuck alone!" You're only glad it's late so no one's around to see you shouting at the air. Moments later Loki materializes in front of you and you steel your nerves, not letting your anger waver.

"Bold choice, threatening a god." He says with a smirk.

"Bold?! I am tired and angry and sick of always looking over my shoulder because the god of mischief ain't got shit else to do. Are you that bored? Can't you find a better use of your damn time than following me around like fucking a psycho?! You are driving me crazy! I'm not bold I am just tired of your games. I'll threaten you all I want, I haven't been able to let my guard down for months!" You snap.

"I don't see why, I've only been protecting you." Loki shrugs.

"Protecting me?! You're out of your mind! You're a stalker! The only thing I need protecting from is you!" You scoff.

"There's that unpleasant word again." He kisses his teeth.

"What do you want from me Loki?" You sigh.

"I love you y/n. I want only to cherish you as you deserve." He says calmly. Your eyes widen as you consider something.

"Have you- have you done something to Andrew?" You ask. You knew the text about a family emergency was suspicious but you had no reason to suspect something was amiss until this moment.

"It's best you don't ask me about that." He says.

"What?"

"Ignorance is your friend. If your Andrew has disappeared, you cannot be implicated as long as you do not know anything about the alleged disappearance. I cannot lie to you though, if you ask me I will tell you the truth, but it puts you at risk. To know. And I do not wish to do that. I will never wish to even potentially harm you." Loki's words send a chill down your spine. Though he hasn't told you what he's done you know in your heart that Andrew will not be coming back to you. Ever.

"H-how could you do this?" You can feel tears sting your eyes.

"I did it for you. You would regret spending your life with him, I know you would, he didn't deserve you and I will not let anything come between us."

"Loki there is no us. I do not know you, I do not love you. And you took my Andrew." You shake your head.

"No you see- I've done us both a favor. Now you can love me. You will, we have all the time in the world." Loki says with a smile on his face so unsettling you have to force yourself not to shiver at the sight, though you do take a step back.

"You're not listening-"

"No, you aren't listening. We're meant to be y/n. I'm sure of it and you will be too. Soon." Loki grabs your arm and in a blink, you're both gone.

***

[silverzoomies]

Politely requesting “he’s so…” for Jimmy Darling and James March, please and thank you.

💙 nsfw ahead !! pretty filthy, just a warning !! 💙 

"he's so" headcanons under the cut. so im not crowding up anyone's dash with my bullshit !! these might be wayyyy off,, pleasse do not trust my judgement at all. also, liz, i adore you just fyi ty !!

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💙 james march is so... 💙

he's so watches you at a distance solely with the intent to kill. bloodthirsty af. starts to notice how much of an innocent, little thing you are. you heart is purer than his could ever be in a thousand lifetimes. he keeps his distance for some time, but then you start to notice him. maybe he'll try and dance with you, so close you can feel his breath on your skin. listening to oldies you've never heard a day in your life. but he knows every lyric. every note. every beat. you can smell cigarette smoke on him. he reeks of it. along with...something else. but you'll never be able to place it. you can't seem to figure out why he's so ghostly pale. or why he gazes at you with a pitch black, void-like coldness in his eyes. He lures you in with promises of romance. tempting you into intimate, love making sessions. he'll ruin your perception of men forever. because no other man could treat you with such careful, sultry attention as he does. there's something almost...sinister about the way he touches you. his cold hands feel for your pulse points. making note of the jumps in your heartbeat. he touches your body, squeezing the muscles hiding beneath your delicate skin. you won't know it, but he's thinking about how aesthetically beautiful you must be on the inside. literally. he's thinking your innards are probably lovely. when you're finally together as one, his length moves with slow elegance inside you. drawing out your pleasurable suffering for as long as possible. he'll overstimulate you until you're sobbing. until you beg him to stop. but he won't. he'll grab your jugular and make you see white. in the end, you won't survive. your death will be gruesome and painful. someday, he'll regret having killed you.

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💙jimmy darling is so...💙

he's so diner date with a shared milkshake. orders whatever flavor you like. he has eyes like black cocoa. and, honey, they're lookin' you up and down every few minutes. he flirts nonstop. finds any and every excuse to touch you. patting you on the shoulder. guiding you along with a big hand on your back. grazing gloved knuckles over your arm mid conversation. he's pretty forward. unapologetically so. once he finally has you one-on-one, he tries to take things a little further. isn't afraid to be direct. but - ah...the two of you keep gettin' interrupted. he'll be leaning in for a smooch, a hand on your hip; but someone walks in. maybe it's eve, askin' his assistance settin' up new banners. sometimes, you find him stumbling around, drunk off his ass. it breaks your heart how often it happens. but he's so horny about it. says a lot of raunchy shit to you when he's completely smashed. it makes you blush. when he's hungover, he's grumpy as hell. his frustration'll slip in little ways, but he apologizes once he's sobered up. overall, he's real sweet on you. very sweet. even gets a little bashful once you're finally making out. he tastes like the booze he drinks on the daily. he'll get really handsy. and his hands are so, so massive and warm. they grab you hard, focusing careful attention to the squishy parts of you he loves so much. would take his time in bed with you. eases himself in slow, with consideration for your comfort. even though every instinct in him wants to stuff you so full so fast, you'll be aching for weeks. gets vocal, calls you little petnames. fixates mostly on your pleasure because that's what he's used to doin'. he doesn't expect you to focus too hard on his needs. but when you do, he's pleasantly surprised. cums a little sooner than he meant to. he'll lie with you afterwards. daydreams about stealing you away. maybe he'll run off you with you. make you his little housewife. but nah. he can't do that. his family needs him. he wonders if you'd be willing to stick around.

[i-literally-cant-with-this]

A/N ::: Just read some great Toji stuff and got a little inspired to type some stuff out.

C/W ::: Mmmehhhh, drinking (beer), brief violence, homemade porn, oral M->F, I think that's it. If I missed anything and you just can't, tell me and I'll fix it.

WC ::: Just over 1,700

Toji had been pissing you off and pushing you to your near breaking point for weeks now. He was the most demanding man you had ever had the displeasure of knowing.

But you two didn't just know each other. You moved in with him about 4 months ago. He was so sweet and thoughtful. And he fucked you so good every night, every morning, whenever you wanted. Never asking for anything in return. The two of you would often go out to dinner and he'd always grab the bill before you had a chance to blink at it. Sometimes he'd bring you a little something he saw that made you pop into his mind. Just a little, thoughtful gift.

But these last few weeks, you've done all you can not to kill the man you've grown to love.

"Babe!"

"I'm right here, Toj'. You don't have to scream." You said, obviously annoyed.

"Yeah, I know you're right there. Grab me a beer, huh?" He couldn't even be bothered to turn and look at you while he was speaking. What you wanted to do was grab two beers. Keep one for yourself to calm your nerves after you'd thrown the other one at his head and had to answer questions from the police while they nodded their heads sympathetically to you giving them a recounted play by play of how you murdered your lazy ass boyfriend with a can of unopened beer.

"Sure. Let me just finish scrubbing the sink out, swiffering the floor, wiping down the counters and cupboards, cleaning out the fridge and taking out the gar-"

"Fuuuckkk, woman. Quit your bitchin'. I'll get the goddamn beer myself. Wouldn't want ya to get that pretty little head of yours overwhelmed. Now would we?" He got up from his favorite chair in the living room and you could tell that he was already well on his way to being drunk.

You didn't move from your spot on the way to the fridge. Toji simply picked you up and turned your body to where he was standing, essentially switching places with you.

"I KNOW you're not going to walk on my drying floor. Tojiiii," you whined. "What the fuck, man? I finished that like 5 minutes ago. Why are you walking on it with your big ol' dirty feet?" He shrugged his broad shoulders and kicked back a smile that still made you weak in the knees and sticky between the legs.

"Dun'no. Maybe I'm trying to piss you off, baby cakes." He stood right in front of you and bent over so his lips were centimeters from yours. His curious green eyes staring you down, knowing full well you were softening under his gaze. "Baby. Don' be too mad at me." He pouted, bottom lip brushing softly against yours. "I can't help it. I'm not the most conscientious tool in the shed."

You laughed, "Did you just call yourself a tool? Because I second that no- AH! Fuck, Toj- Toji!" He bent over and hoisted you up over his right shoulder, not spilling a drop of his beer. "Put me down. I'm not playing right now."

His right hand came down hard on your ass cheek and it made you yelp out in pain. You were only wearing an old t-shirt of his and a pair of panties. And he often didn't hold back when he was 'disciplining' you. You brought your left hand up and around to try and rub the sting away.

"Uh-uh, sweets. You remember that the next time you want to get all high and mighty with me in my own house. Fuckin' talk to me like that. Teach you a lesson. You smart ass … little shit."

Toji carried you down the hallway to the bedroom and flopped you down onto the bed. You bounced a couple of times before your body settled into the plush bedspread.

"I'm so not in the mood for this shit, Toji. Now move, I have shit to do."

"Mm-mm, doll. Get in the mood for it." He put his right knee onto the edge of the bed and palmed at his cock through his low hanging sweats. Licking the scar on the right corner of his mouth. You noticed that was a habit of his: Whenever he was horny, he always licked that little spot. It would be futile to admit that it worked wonders on your pussy. It turned you on every single time he flicked the tip of his tongue against it.

"Nope. Not happening, mister."

His hands grabbed your ankles and pulled them toward him, forcing your legs to open and expose your dampening panties.

"Uh-oh, your body is telling me a different story." His quirked eyebrow made you want to punch him in the damn face. "Looks like my baby girl's pretty wet already."

"Shut up. Don't look at me. Don't touch me." You tried to hide your face from his view. But Toji didn't let you. He reached over to the bedside table and grabbed his phone. He tapped the screen a few times and held it up to your face.

"Now, who's gonna make you cum, huh? I got 10 minutes of video saved right here. Let's watch it together, yeah?"

It was a video from last week. You were on top of him riding his thick cock, your tits bouncing. Your hair stuck to your forehead as you rolled your hips back and forth, grinding your clit against his pubic bone. His hands squeezed the fat of your thighs, your flesh spilling out over between his wide fingers.

"Oh fuck, baby. That's my g-good girl. Fuck, take ... this ... cock. Uh-huh. Jus' like that, such a pretty little slut for me. That pussy is just drinkin' me in, huh. Fucking thirsty little cunt, yeah. I'm gonna give you something to drink here real soon, little pussy. Jus' wait a minute. Oh fuck, huh, mm-hm, mm-hm, mmuh-huh, fuck baby. Take it take it take it, hohhh fffffuck yeahhh, shit!!!"

You blushed at the memory. You didn't need to watch it again to have a perfect recollection of how it all happened. That was a particularly filthy fuck. If you weren't wet already, you would be now. But all that happened is you're twice as wet for him. It's like he could smell it on you. Like the fucking dog he is.

"I'm gonna put this back here," he said as he tossed his phone back onto the bedside table. "So, I can hear those pretty little moans from you instead." He grabbed your ankles again and yanked you toward him. "Let's see what we've got goin' on down here, yeah."

He leaned over and hooked his fingers into the waistband of your panties and pulled them off, letting them drop to the floor. He then placed his hands on your thighs and pushed your legs up and apart, spreading you open.

"Ah, shit. Fuck, you're dripping. My sweet little slut." He licked his scar again and his eyes looked almost feral. "Bet you taste so good, baby. Bet you want me to eat your little pussy right up, huh?"

"Mm-mm, nooo. Not tonight, Toji. I'm still mad at you. You've been an absolute shit for weeks. No pussy for you!" You tried to push him away, but he wouldn't budge.

"Yeah, I think I will." The way he laughed at you was infuriating. He slowly lowered his face down between your legs. Watching your eyes and face the whole time, and licked a long strip up your folds. "So fucking sweet. Just like candy. You're my little treat, huh? Mmm, that pussy is so fucking good."

Toji pressed his mouth against your pussy lips and sucked them into his mouth. "Uh-huh, mm-hm." He moaned into you, letting the vibrations travel through your body, making you shiver. He reached his hands up to your stomach and slid them up and under your shirt, cupping your breasts in his palms. "These too. God, you have the prettiest tits, baby. So soft, like little clouds or somethin'. Such a fucking treat for me."

You arched your back to press them further into his hands as he kneaded your flesh, tweaking your nipples. "Nuh, uh, Toj'. I'm still mad at you. St-stop it." You said breathily. Not even believing in your own convictions at this point. 

He didn't stop. He kept sucking and licking and pressing his tongue into your clit, swirling it around in little circles that made you grip the bedspread beneath you.

"What'm I writin' on your pussy, doll face. What am I spellin' out?" He lifted his head for a moment and looked at you, his green eyes shining with lust. Then he continued to twist and twirl the tip of his tongue around on you.

You looked down and saw that he was indeed writing on your pussy with his tongue.

"I don't know what the hell you're writing. But this sure doesn't feel like an apology, if that's what you're gettin' at." He laughed right into your cunt. You had to fight back a chuckle because that was almost worse than someone laughing in your face. You loved this playful side of him, though. 

Pulling his head up from you, he snorted through his nose, "D'ya have bitchy-o's for breakfast or some shit? Good god, doll. Lighten up. The floor in the kitchen ain't going anywhere. The garbage sure as fuck isn't gonna get any worse in the next few hours. The food in the fridge won't spoil anymo-"

"Few hours?! What the fuck do you have in mind, Toj'?" You let your head fall after you saw the gleam in his eyes. You weren't going anywhere anytime soon.

He shrugged, "Oh, I dunno. Maybe we can fuck for a few hours. Sounds like a good plan, right? What else are you gonna do tonight, huh? I'll keep your ass in bed all night long. I don' give a shit."

That fucking classic Toji Fushiguro smile. 

The bastard.

You sat up and pulled his shirt from your body. And taking either end in your hands, you used it to pull his face back down to finish what he started.

"Fine. But you're getting me a beer after this, doll face."

He hummed out an acknowledgement the best he could with how full his mouth was.

Taglist ::: @blkkizzat (I know how much you love your Toji so I thought I'd give you a little shout for this one) @arlerts-angel @darkstarlight82 @millennialmagicalgirl @callm3senpaii (we WILL get you to the dark side)

[pokemonshelterstories]

Hello! I saw your bling and wanted to ask something of you, if that’s alright!

See, I have a shiny Absol (his name is Atelier) who’s a bit of a spoiled pupper. I’m an exorcist, so I help dispel ghosts, and since he’s a Dark type, we often work together for it, but he often gets a little lazy afterwards (which is usual, my concern is coming up, trust-). We haven’t had any appointments in the last two weeks, but he seems…lethargic, I suppose? He does have an Absolite, but we haven’t Mega Evolved in a long while.

I’m a bit scared, honestly. He’s been my buddy since I was twelve, and I’m worried. I’ve tried *everything,* favorite treats, toys, friends-hell, my Nidoqueen Elizabeth had to carry him to our next site.

I’m sorry if this is getting a little long, but I’m just horribly worried. He’s my boy, and to have him act like this makes my heart hurt. I’m just hoping to get an answer, and thank you for your time!

(Ooc: saw this blog and was very interested! I love the way things are described here, it’s like a vet’s place and I love it so much.)

he needs an immediate vet visit. anytime your pokemon starts to become lethargic without explanation, especially to the point of not being able to walk, you need a medical checkup.

i'm not sure how old your buddy is, but absol can live a very long time- even exceeding one hundred years! unfortunately, that also means there's a lot that can go wrong in that time. they're stoic pokemon that don't tend to show signs of illness until it gets to the point that they aren't capable of hiding it anymore. unfortunately, i can't give you a good idea of what might be wrong, but i do want to warn you that it is potentially something serious. sudden onset of extreme lethargy usually makes me think cancer, heart or liver disease, pain caused by a condition such as arthritis, or some sort of infection.

it's also possible that this is the result of long-term exposure to resentful or life-draining ghost types (sometimes referred to as "cursebearer syndrome"), a condition that sometimes affects non-ghost types that battle frequently with ghost type pokemon. whatever it is, though, it needs to be handled by a veterinarian.

[toyourstations]

How to lose 50 pounds in 16 months without really trying

note: this isn't a weight loss guide it's a poem about my experience with a weird phenomenon affecting my body.

Eat whatever you find in the cupboard at your parents house.

A handful of crackers, a peanut butter sandwich, an egg toastie, muesli for breakfast. switch from soy milk to oat milk about eight months in when your mum realises how much better the carbon footprint on it is. A whole pack of toffee pops in one night, a block of chocolate over two days, the occasional ben and jerries dairy free ice cream because despite the last two entries you are actually lactose intolerant. No fruit, you're allergic. Vegetables when your parents provide them (not that often). Mostly beige food.

Do between one and 2 thousand steps a day, on average. Probably. Only bother checking your steps 10 months in when your new meds give you heart palpitations and you start wearing a smart watch to make sure your heart hasn't always been that fast.

Sometimes walk between 5-8 thousand steps. Regret it for 1-3 days, lying in bed wracked with physical exhaustion that makes it hard for you to move.

Get a dog. Walk her 3 days a week. She could use more, but see the previous stanza if you want an excuse for my laziness.

Have a semi regular conversation with your parents that goes "have you lost weight?" "You say that any time I look happy" "Well you look better, anyway"

Ask your dad if you can borrow his belt, the jeans you ordered to your custom measurements are falling down.

Dig the pair of jeans from before those ones out of your drawer. Finally you're justified in keeping the jeans you grew out of.

Buy a new pair of jeans another size down (those are slightly baggy now too)

Finally weigh yourself, and think at first the scales are broken. There's no way you've lost 15 kilograms since moving home. You normally only weigh yourself at the doctors, on their orders.

Out of curiosity, weigh yourself again a few months later. Another 5 down. What the fuck. Calculate what percentage of your body weight that was (17%).

Think about the rheumatologist who told you losing even 5% of your body weight would help with your pain. Laugh through the pain (it's worse than ever).

Do research. Listen to a podcast about the science of weight loss, disproving scams and exposing diets as breeding grounds for unhealthy, disordered eating. Listen as they explain that your metabolism will fight very hard to stop you losing weight, adjusting even if you're doing it on purpose, so that you maintain your fat reserves. Read about how sustained weight loss is basically impossible (it's been a year at this point, and you're still steadily dropping).

Mention how much weight you've lost to your parents (wow!), your nurse (congratulations!) your doctor (wow you must have been big before! - hang on let me confirm this. Hm. I'll send you for some blood tests).

Your blood tests are fine, you must just be lucky.

Track your calorie intake for a couple of weeks. Maybe you're undereating (no). Google unexplained weight loss (cancer).

Go back six weeks later, you've lost at least another kilo. "Wow!" she says again. She's surprised and confused. You mention if it keeps up you might apply for a top surgery referral, because you know there's a BMI Limit. You never thought you'd qualify. She looks at her notes again and goes "... yeah" in a way that makes you think she's still wondering how this is happening.

You get more blood tests.

And wait for them to come back normal.

You're done being anxious about your health, you think while you walk the dogs. Fuck it.

then you think up this poem while you munch on a couple of gingernuts in the kitchen where the dog can't beg them off you.

Congratulations on the weight loss! You look great!

[elizaellwrites]

I've been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia (+ some of its friends) for five years now, and it's so ingrained in my behavior to adapt to my condition that I don't realize it until I try to explain my daily life to other people. At this point, I can't imagine what it's like for those without these types of problems to consider...

An example: talking to my university's accessibility office:

How does it impact your ability to travel between classes?

Well, I can't really take the available buses, because they're too full to guarantee a chair, and I can't stand on a moving vehicle because it stresses my joints too much. Walking is fine, but the quick changes between classes can cause me to rush. I'm often winded when I reach my class, but it's still doable for me.

How about with stairs?

Usually, they're okay, but on some days I just take the elevator because it's a better option for pain and stability.

What about in class? Do you have any difficulty taking notes, concentrating, or remembering things you need to?

Sometimes. My hand can cramp up if I'm taking a lot of notes, and if I'm having a bad day, it's very difficult to concentrate on what's going on. I can miss things during lectures on occasion, but I just go back through the material, check lecture notes online, or ask my professor after class to fill in the blank. I just do my best to write everything down, because I can be forgetful. It's worked so far.

Are there any environmental issues that bother you, like loud sounds or brightness?

There's usually not too much noise in class that bothers me outside something falling on the floor- like a metal water bottle. I'm pretty light sensitive, but my doctor told me to limit sunglasses use because it will train my brain to rely on them. So, I just deal with it unless it's absolutely necessary.

How often are you having these bad days happening when it's difficult to move due to pain, keeping your balance, a migraine, etc.? Beside getting to lectures, how can this impact your assignments?

It depends, but it can be multiple times a week, once a week, or more spread out. I wish I could be more specific. Some days, I can't go to class at all, others, I can do partial days. It really depends. Sometimes, because I'm especially light-sensitive with a migraine, I can't really do all my homework, because most of it is online. If it's an assignment due the next day, and I have a migraine, I just can't do it.

So, we can look at helping you with mobility by making sure your classes are closer together and closer to the first floor, more flexibility with assignments and attendance, as well as giving you software during classes to make it easier for you to get the information you need by recording the lectures and taking notes for you.

Me: What?

[hanyusan]

GIFT

My delayed emotions are catching up to me. At last, I feel overwhelmed. Lack of sleep might be amplifying a little bit. I tried to nap at intermission and sleep after. For adrenaline-related reasons, that did not happen. Worth it.

Yuzu is someone who prefers to express himself through art versus relying on speaking. When you see what he has to say, you don't filter through it like you would if he were to use words alone.

For precisely that reason, his skating feels distinct from that of his peers'. Even if you can't decipher the details, his skating is alive. It declares, it shouts, it smiles; sometimes it cries. At times, it overflows with satisfaction. At others, it brews with frustrated determination. In the final years of his competitive career, it shrouded itself in a solemn fighting spirit. GIFT defined itself through all these raw and honest emotions paired with simple yet poetic voiceovers and a dramatic array of visual effects, dance, and (of course) live music. Yuzu promised an ice "show." A fantastic show was exactly what he delivered.

Though Yuzu doesn't shy away from sharing his emotional state, he's also an incredibly private person. While his wisdom makes itself obvious based on what he chooses to tell the public and when (...and how), a lot more of it exists in what he keeps to himself.

Most of us know that he goes through hard times. It's impossible that he doesn't. Even if not because of the glare of the public eye, his toughness on himself must weigh down heavier at certain moments. Yet he successfully hides a large extent of it. When it was literally "amateur" hour, he would disappear for months at a time and then abruptly reappear at competitions, only to vanish again immediately after. Unless he deigned to mention it afterwards, no one knew what was happening in those weeks when he transformed into the elusive animal of nature documentaries.

As worrying as it was, I also like it to this day. I like that he circumvents the obligation to report his every move. I like that he only talks about things when he feels like it, and then with as few or many words or anime references as he desires. I like that he opened zero social media accounts until he needed them for work, because of course he would. Maybe it hits close to home. I often feel pressured to share my problems with people so they can make me "feel better," even if I'm not ready. That uninvited breach of boundaries usually prompts a horrible spiral of suffering. I like that he felt okay closing himself off.

Today, Yuzu filled GIFT with his entire heart, strife with all of the agony and internal turmoil that he's battled. And I like that he felt safe enough to be vulnerable and tell everyone that he's had a hard time. That he once felt deterred by the circumstances from continuing what he loved. That later, when his love wavered due to different circumstances, he tried to force himself to still find it enjoyable. There comes a point where, no matter how deep your love for something, one day you'll feel as if you're merely going through the motions. It's scary. You defined yourself by your passion for so long. How could it just go away? What are you if it goes away?

Part of me harbors the naive wish that he never had to endure such pain. It's paradoxical. To be tormented by such philosophical questions, you first have to be the type of person who would want to seek and create answers. And that type of person, someone who is pensive and caring, is always who deserves the inevitable pain the least. That's who Yuzu is—someone who won't take the easy way out.

Like life, skating challenges him in an unfair and persistent fashion. As this road continues to taunt him, I wish for him the tenacity to walk it and the inner peace to stray from it should he ever want to. I hope that when he's alone, he can remind himself not to feel lonely. And if he still does, I hope he can remember how many people love him and feel even a little bit better until he can get back on his feet. He is an undying phoenix, sinking into ashes with the promise of rising again. As many times as it takes.

Yuzu, you gathered so many talented people to your side tonight to put on an amazing production. I cannot fathom the amount of time, precision, and innovation it must have taken you and your entire team to complete it. I won't lie. Your seemingly insatiable hunger for bigger and better things can be frightening at times. Yet I adore the unbridled glee on your face when you succeed in grabbing what it is that you reach for.

ありがとうございました！

P.S. Take that, 4S. Little punk of a jump had it coming.

[mywishingwell]

Things I'm finding annoying/gross in pregnancy:

1. My poor, dear cats. The aversion started in early pregnancy, and it has gotten better, but often I look at them with the Florence Pugh ☹️ face - especially when they're licking themselves. Idk I think all animals animals are giving me the ick but these ones live in my house.

2. The school run. I am so thankful my neighbour takes my son to school for me on a morning. So thankful. I'm so lucky. It's just when I go to pick him up the pelvic girdle pain kicks off and there's approximately 2827 teenagers to walk through as I happen to live on a street close to a high school and a lot of these kids have parents etc who pick them up on the street I live in. So there's cars mounting the curb (sometimes a lil too close for comfort), there's teenagers everywhere and most are respectful but a couple act like they're gonna walk right through my heavily pregnant ass if I don't step into traffic. I hold my ground, but it pisses me off, and I'm at the point where I'm struggling to hold my tongue. My sons school is so close to where I live, that's fab, so I try to set off so I arrive just as the doors open so that I can skedaddle home w/o having to stand in that playground feeling awkward. Idk why I feel awkward. But the whole shabbang gives me anxiety and I'm at the point now where the walk there and back is so, so painful. I'm practically hobbling by the time I get back home with my son.

3. Rice. We have a rice cooker and I love rice cookers but during pregnancy, the smell of rice cooking (??? Yeah, I know, wtf ???) turns my stomach. I also aren't a fan of how it tastes. Even though it doesn't really taste of anything. Every so often I get rice and it's nice, but most of the time I waste what's on my plate.

4. The smell of the air fryer. No matter what its cooking, it emits a smell I can't stand. I think this goes back to when my sickness was at hyperemesis gravidarum levels and my partner would come home and throw some stuff in the air fryer to make a quick dinner for both himself and my son. I'd often have chips/fries that were cooked in there and I'd be struggling to eat them but they usually stayed down when I did manage it. So I think that's an association thing and I hope one day the smell of the air fryer doesn't turn my stomach.

6. Strong artificial smells like air fresheners that are either in aerosol form or one you might plug into a wall. In particular, citrus smells make me queasy. I used to like using lemon dish soap and floor cleaners etc, but now anything lemon-y is a no go.

7. Male anatomy. My libido is dead. My libido shows up once every 3 weeks for about 29 minutes and until then everything related to penis obligations gives me the ick. I'm just like I'm carrying a human baby inside of me and my body is now huge and doing gross things and I don't feel good and there's not a part of me that feels like a sexual creature. Send your regards to my partner who's been super patient with me during this time.

...this was a completely useless post BUT I just felt the need to get it off my chest. 7 weeks to go, give or take!

- // 14:34, Tuesday 30th April 2024.

[headpainmigraine]

Migraine isn't a Headache Part Three: except for when it is

I talked about where a migraine starts in part two, at the prodrome stage, that lasts for a few hours to days. Then the aura, a stage that not everyone has, a stage that can occur alongside the headache stage - this lasts 5 to 60 minutes typically.

Then you enter the headache, followed by the postdrome, and then your migraine is over and it only took an entire week to get from prodrome to postdrome.

Yeah.

The 'headache' stage of migraine can supposedly last between 4 hours and 3 days.

So, you DO need a headache to have migraines?

Nope.

HEADACHE

Some people experience an 'aura' stage and then go on to have postdrome.

Some people get more nausea and stomach problems (this is more prevalent in children, but can happen in adults too).

Migraines like this, without the headache, are usually called 'silent' migraines, and they can be a bitch to diagnose when most medical practitioners view 'headache' as necessary to have a migraine diagnosis.

If you've been reading this and you think the aura stage sounds familiar, if you've experienced the prodrome and then wondered why you couldn't keep food down, or needed to hide from the light, even without a headache, maybe check that out.

Silent migraines can often be mistaken for a stroke. Just be aware of that, and if you're experiencing any sudden unusual migrainous symptoms, maybe get checked out, just to make sure.

You should also seek immediate medical attention if:

the headache comes on suddenly, like you've been hit in the head with a baseball bat; this is called a 'thunderclap' headache

the pain is brought on by coughing, exercise, posture change, that kind of exertion, which can be a dysfunction of the fluid around the brain and spine

if you've had cancer and develop new headaches

Just in case.

The 'classic' migraine headache is:

a 'moderate to severe' pain,

typically throbbing,

typically on one side of the head and

often felt 'behind the eye' or around the temple

In real terms, you can have a headache on both sides of the head, in the face (the trigeminal nerve is a bitch that can be sensitised during a migraine, leading to pain in the side of the face, along the jaw, through your cheekbone, etc), in the sinuses and in the neck.

If you get a lot of sinus issues, it's worth seeing an ENT specialist to check for blockages/cysts/a deviated septum that can cause headache sometimes.

There are some migraine treatments that involve a device that goes into the nose, these things can often be linked.

It's worth mentioning that, if you're having a 3 day headache, you're also going to be clenched up and tense a lot of the time. If you get them a lot, you're going to end up with pain purely from tensed muscles and because you might find yourself holding still and curled up.

The headache can come with nausea and vomiting, but nausea and vomiting can also come without the headache at this stage!

Our friends in the environment sensitivities gang are still with us, with photophobia and sound sensitivity being common, but don't forget about the senses of smell and touch! Skin feel raw to the wind? That'll be the allodynia.

Headache and abdominal issues aren't the only ways the headache stage of a migraine can manifest - people with vestibular migraines can feel dizziness and vertigo, to the point where the room spins and you can't walk in a straight line, sometimes making you fall.

People with hemiplegic migraines can experience muscle weakness on one side of the body, sometimes including the face; these migraines mimic a stroke. Hemiplegic migraines are something of a different animal, and you should discuss appropriate treatment options with a specialist.

Seeing that headache is the most common symptom in migraine at this stage, calling it 'headache stage' makes sense, but I still believe something like 'culmination' or 'crest' would be better.

I feel like dissociating 'migraine' from 'headache' can only benefit sufferers and make diagnosis easier in harder cases.

But I'm not a doctor.

POSTDROME

Postdrome feels like your body picking itself back up after the tornado swept through it, but it's actually also part of the migraine itself.

It can last hours to days, but most people find it resolving within 24 hours.

Postdrome symptoms can mirror prodrome symptoms, so if you start your migraine feeling sick and lethargic, you might end it feeling hungry and energised.

While most postdrome syndromes are a drag, some people feel euphoria and a lot of energy, because no two migraines are the same.

Unsurprisingly, postdrome usually feels like you think you'd feel after spending three days in pain.

feeling drained, fatigued, listless

finding it hard to think or concentrate/brain fog

feeling physically weak

digestive issues

lingering sore head /scalp tenderness

food cravings and thirst

generally feeling fragile

I tend to feel like I've been flattened. I'm usually cold, and I'll usually look for hot chocolate and something salty to eat. It feels like being a wrung out towel.

For people with migraines who work, I hope this gives you some comfort in knowing that there's a reason you might be 'underperforming' before and after the headache stage of the migraine, because it's all migraine and your brain is weathering a storm.

Migraines can cause all sorts of issues past a headache, and even past the physical. You're more likely to have problems with:

depression

dissociation

anxiety

agitation/irritability/anger and rage

confusion

Anger is a big one.

A study that involved inducing migraine in patients in order to look at their brain activity showed, anecdotally, that people who came in chatty and bubbly became surly and irritable once the migraine started.

Being in pain legitimately provokes 'moody' behaviour.

That's not to say that you have to just accept that and not work on it - it's not an excuse to lash out at people, for example - but maybe give yourself a break for being a little grumpier than the next guy?

That's all I have on that.

Next part? Probably my diagnosis journey, for people who are thinking of pursuing a diagnosis.

Then medications for migraine, and then maybe non-drug treatment, then complimentary treatment?

I don't know. No uptake on the last part, but people still liked the first bit, and this is actually quite helpful for me personally, so I'm going to keep going regardless.

[sylvaridreams]

late night posting, I am thinking a lot about disability and chronic illness and pain in my own characters now. lately with Auruim and Alba. and it's not always "I want him to suffer with it!" and it's not always "I want him to overcome it!" Sometimes it's just there. Fact of life. And these three options form a three sided shape called a triangle.

so on one side of this beautiful triangle staggering along between "suffering with it" and "fact of life" is Alba, who. y'know it's funny, I said the same thing about someone "calling him soundless," which he in the technical aspect of things IS. he would flinch and recoil from it. he would say no no no, I'm normal, don't worry about that. The guy who eats rotting, toxic hog bacon out of a hole deep in the jungle is worried you might think he's a bit too strange.

If someone openly addressed Alba as "disabled" he would do the same. he would deny it, yank himself away from it fully. and partially out of a desire to be seen as "functioning normally." Optimally, even. There is nothing out of place. There is no issue with my body or mind. and partially out of some bizarre fear that if he said "well, maybe," everyone would turn their heads and say STOP THAT MAN FROM COMMANDING RIGHT THIS INSTANT. (and then the other "partially" is just denial. i don't want to have an issue to deal with.)

as if he hasn't proven himself capable enough in the 10+ years since his initial injury in the Silverwastes. which he never allowed, never was able to allow to heal because he had to go after the Pact, into the jungle, right away. It was a couple of weeks tops of resting a leg that the medics were in quiet debate over whether or not he would keep, the way it was mangled and broken, and then he had to go. He never had any time to rest it and heal it properly, and his bum leg has always been a point of shame and annoyance. He's not good at growing and shaping new things-- he did a full set of armor, one time. and that took a lot of work and time and mistakes. He still occasionally does shoulder armor pieces-- or else he might have healed better, or maybe just said go ahead and chop it off and I'll regrow.

so he limped his way into the Heart of Maguuma and no one really knows what to say when the guy in charge shows up already broken and in agony and on a crutch, but you certainly can't tell the Commander he has to turn around, go back. With the Pact in the state it is? No, if he's willing to clock in, let him. we need him. and by the time part of the group headed into Rata Novus he'd ditched the crutch and was just brute forcing it and rationing pain pills, chewing on them as often as he could between point A and point B.

He's had over a decade to figure out how to hide it but it hurts. still. it still hurts him when he walks too long or runs too much or sits or moves wrong. which frankly is kind of devastating to him. He's learned to hide it. to walk at a pace that's normal enough. a pace that kind of annoys faster people, but that can't be helped. at least it appears normal. at least he has practice the motion of taking a step enough times to know what looks normal.

and for the most part it's a well kept secret. Dragon's Watch is mostly aware that he broke his leg and had it torn into shreds and nearly lost it. But you can see how normally he moves now. and he's always running around saving the world, so you have to assume he's doing fine. and he's doing fine, he tells people if they walk in on him changing, see his scar. what happened to your leg. old injury, it's fine.

but people who know his mannerisms and know him on a deeper level know he's lying and grinning and bearing it over something that, frankly, treatment wouldn't be PLEASANT for, or fast or easy or without a huge amount of risk. or you could use a cane, someone suggests sometime and he gets defensive. I don't need that! do I look like i need that? needing that would be showing a weakness, admitting a defeat to this wound that ruined how you walk until you die or until the leg comes off. that's that. that's it! it's just a fact, a part of you that you live with and lie through your teeth about. and it sucks.

Rytlock and Canach both know before the end of HoT that this is going to be a bigger, long term issue, and both of them know how hard it is for him to keep under wraps. and BOTH of them have told him to do something about it, whether it IS amputating and spending a year or more, maybe more, regrowing the limb, and then maybe it grows wrong and you do it again, or whether it's a cane (you don't have to use it on a good day, they always try to tell him but he's not listening, he stopped listening as soon as the topic came up and he got argumentative) or whether it's quit your job. Just stop doing this kind of work and let's go somewhere where there aren't always problems for you to fix. We can go there together.

Meisi and Bourbon both joined (or for Meisi rejoined) the guild between the end of HoT and the end of LWS3 -- so before Alba is dead on the plateau, by the time the group is moving into Elon, they've realized, or are Starting to realize that the way he moves isn't how he means to move. that he's struggling to hide his struggle and keep up with a normal pace when walking. getting him on a raptor is some kind of gods-send, per Kasmeer, because he's not struggling to walk. Meisi knew about his injury, but I think Bourbon is just flabbergasted the first time he sees Alba's leg bare and is like IS THAT WHY? WHY DID NOBODY TREAT THAT? OR LET YOU REST? and then it's a defensive maneuver again, getting out of this line of questioning. there was no resting. people were dying. don't be selfish.

Taimi's offered help. a mobility aid. No, because there's no issue. It becomes a matter of his pride. I don't have a problem because I haven't ever looked down. and I won't start now. and frankly he gets upset if you press it too much. and frankly Taimi doesn't like Alba when he gets cold, or when he snaps. no one likes him much then.

and by the time we hit the start of EoD, a lot of people have withdrawn in terms of how much they can worry and care about someone who won't let them too close, or who has several times now disappeared for months at a time, no contact. and at some point people also forget. you get used to not thinking about it, so you forget that it was an issue. they don't offer help anymore, help that was always refused anyway, because they forget. and that's when it becomes an issue, because everyone can move better, faster than he can. even Taimi, in Cantha. and he finds himself jealous of this sick girl, the jade tech that allows her to move normally, walk at a steady pace. faster than he manages a lot of the time. and he thinks of how he'd broken his back in Dragonstorm, how he'd had to be rushed back to Rata Sum in agony after Aurene wrenched him out of the battlefield, unable to feel either leg, wondering if he'd walk again at all, later. everyone panicked. Taimi by his side, don't worry, Poobah, they'll get you back on your feet.

but I guess there was nothing to be done about the leg. or maybe they forgot it.

and at this point it feels too late. you didn't rest it when you were supposed to but what choice did you have? did you have a say in the matter at all? does it matter at all, now? your body is ruined. you don't look at yourself naked, all the scars and ruined pieces of yourself. you try to avoid letting lovers see them, let alone try to touch them.

what I'm saying is that Alba doesn't cope well. and he doesn't get treatment. and maybe he never will. or maybe once he retires from the titles, he can be bullied into it. time will tell, or it won't. time can keep a secret.

[sukimas]

I suppose part of it is that i still exist in a world where it feels like I don't really fit? Like, physically. Most laboratory spaces are sized for adult white cis men, so (considering how much of STEM academia doesn't fit at least one of those demographics) finding solutions to a world that's a couple of sizes too large is something I and lots of others still have to find their way around. That's part of it, I guess...

But I think there are other parts, too. Most of what I remember from being scolded as a child is adults being so very afraid; things are poisonous or sharp, people are dangerous, you can't go walking around on your own because you'll get lost or get hit by a car. I never got the impression that I was a nuisance for what I did. Now, what I said was a different story. Most people really hated that I had developed opinions by that point in time. Some didn't, but I think that a great number of adults have the idea in their heads that kids don't really develop strong opinions on things until they're ten or so; I don't think that's the case. I think I was better able to articulate them than my peers, but I had peers who felt just as strongly about things as I did, and just couldn't find a way to say it.

"It's not fair, and this is why" is something that certain types of people just hate to hear in a squeaky, high-pitched voice. Maybe the literacy is related to it, somehow; I don't think I ever had the impression that I was tired of being taught things and having to learn things. If anything, I was constantly angry that people wouldn't teach me things. People simply refused to explain anything, because they thought I'd not be able to understand it. At the time, I felt like this was lying, and I still do.

I don't think I had significant problems with forgetting things, either. I know for a fact that many things I did by choice were chalked up to my forgetfulness; I don't know for sure at the time if I had the theory of mind to realize that adults expect kids to forget things, but if I did, I likely used that to my advantage. (Or disadvantage; I really hated brushing my teeth. I didn't like the fun toothpaste flavors for kids, I liked mint.) I know I had enough theory of mind to lie to adults about some things by then, but that might have been because some of the adults in my life were bad enough at lying that I realized that you can just not tell the truth sometimes.

I can't say I didn't ever want attention I couldn't have, or to go places or to do things I wasn't allowed to- this Was a big city, after all, and my parents were busy often. But more often than not the attention I wanted that I couldn't have came (or, well, didn't come) from peers, rather than adults. When adults were around, they paid attention to me. This wasn't always a good thing. When they weren't, they didn't, and I made myself busy doing interesting things alone.

I broke my arm when I was five. I was running down a hill to the playground, tripped, and fell on a sprinkler head hidden in the grass. My mother took me home afterwards, gave me painkillers and ice cream, and called my father to let him know. He didn't believe her, and when he came home at the end of the day and I was crying in pain (as we hadn't gone to the hospital yet) he yelled at me about it. My parents argued for a while (my father claimed we didn't have the money, which I now know was not true) and eventually my mother took me to the hospital, where I got a cast and a sling. It took about five weeks to heal, more or less.

Being five years old is about being vulnerable and helpless while everyone around you knows it and reacts to it in different ways. You aren't strong enough to enact change on the world yet, so you rely on the good graces of others to make it a world that you can bear living in. As you grow older, people remain just as kind or cruel as they were, but it doesn't affect you as much, because you can build a world apart from them. You know more information and your brain runs faster; you're bigger and stronger; you're more agile and charismatic. But the world still isn't the right fit for you. You'll have to shape it yourself, still; yet now you have the ability to do so.

[changbinslovelylegs]

It gets worse before it gets better - Felix part 1

Pairing: no specific pairing right now

WC: will always be between 2k-4k words

Warnings: Language, throwing up, talk of past trauma, gyno visit, needles

Not sure if I was gonna post this yet but I decided to fuck it, updates plan to be once a week but if I miss a week don't kill me writing is hard and sometimes I can't be bothered. Anyways enjoy chapter 1 cya next week!

Preview, description, characters here

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"Morning Felix, how are you feeling?" Leedo, Felix's doctor asked as they sat down for his monthly check up. They see each other so often that Leedo was ok with Felix calling him by his first name, plus it makes him feel young for someone who is 32.

"Morning Leedo, Yes I feel fine thank you for asking" Felix replied, slightly fidgeting in his seat, even though this was a monthly occurrence it didn't stop him from feeling slightly scared each time.

"Did you forego your scent blockers like I asked you?" Leedo got out his clipboard so they could begin, they always started with questions first and then a quick procedure after.

"Of course, people kept blocking their noses as I walked past them" One of the many things Leedo needed to check on was Felix's scent as it was a lot stronger than average omegas, he is always asked to not wear his scent blockers a day before his appointment. That way Leedo can analyse the smell throughout the visit and check for anything wrong.

"Did anything weird happen?"

"Nope, it's just really strong, I wear the scent blockers because I once made someone pass out" this comment caused Leedo to laugh a little, writing down his notes like always. Felix could never understand why his scent was so much stronger, but after that day he refuses to leave the apparent without scent blockers unless his doctor asks him.

"What was your slick like this month?" now it was time for the nitty gritty.

The more important issue Leedo always asked about was Felix's slick, because he had a rare condition that caused him to overproduce slick, or produce slick at random times, or even produce slick inside where it has nowhere to go so every month Felix had a needle stuck into him to get rid of the slick or else his insides may explode.

"Annoying as always. I always leak if I sneeze or fart. and when I touch myself I always have to lay a towel down because I turn into a faucet at that point" Felix rants, and he (on the side) watches as Leedo writes everything down with caution. "Also, I fear that I'm a little more swollen than last month, it's been hurting the last few days" Felix admits, I mean he is talking to his doctor so there was no use trying to hide it, he's been seeing Leedo for over 5 years now!

"Oh dear, I better take a look then, please take your pants off then I'll help lift your legs into the stirrups" now it was time for the procedure, Felix never liked needles but he was used to it at this point. It was either needles or a possible surgery!

Once Felix was in position, he closed his eyes and proceeded to take deep breaths, trying his best to stay calm and pretend he was elsewhere.

It worked for long enough until Leedo explained that he was going to begin, a whimper left Felix's lips and a few tears were shed as it always did when the needle pierced his insides, thankfully the stirrups stopping him from moving around too much.

"Shh I know, you're doing so well, not long left" Leedo tried his best to sympathise and comfort even though he was the one causing the pain. The vile was halfway full and once it was almost full no more was coming out which meant Leedo had gotten all of it out, he sighed with relief and removed the needle making sure to dispose of it correctly.

"All done and all gone, you can relax now, and also get dressed" Leedo handed Felix some tissues and then undid the straps that kept his legs in place. "I'll see you next month, enjoy your weekend" Leedo was waving Felix outside of the door.

"How did it go? all good?" Wooyoung, Felix's roommate and best friend who always drove him home afterwords (since it was advised that Felix shouldn't drive himself home) asked. Felix could only muster up a nod though as he was feeling quite tired and wanted to sleep during the car ride home.

"FELIX WILL YOU HURRY YOUR ASS UP" Wooyoung called from outside the door, he was waiting for Felix to finish his business but it seemed as if he was taking forever.

"Fucking hell Woo I'm coming, calm your tits" Felix flushed, and washed his hands before exiting, "and you were listening to me poo because?"

"EW! I was not listening! I just don't wanna be late for this party. Seonghwa always calls us out for being late" Wooyoung was fixing his hair in the mirror they had next to the front door, just making sure it looked good.

"Babe you look fine lets go, you're the one who doesn't wanna be late!" Felix ushered the both of them out of the door before they started to head to the party.

It was a frat party hosted by the most elite and most difficult to get into frat. Felix heard that you had to have a rich background, drive a fancy car, and have no problems with anything that happens at the frat before they even consider accepting you.

Joining a frat was never something Felix wanted to do though, besides the obvious not wanting to go through hell week; he didn't wanna host parties every week or be forced to drink every day or only be allowed to date girls who were from sororities and boys who were from frats which was for some reason a rule at Yeontan.

Now don't get Felix wrong, he loves a good cocktail or having a shot but every day? That thought had Felix hurling in his mind. Felix had nothing against frat guys, he's even friends with some, he's just happy he isn't one of them.

"Hwa-hyung, I told you we wouldn't be late" Wooyoung exclaimed, giving Seonghwa a very tight hug which pulled Felix from his thoughts.

"Yeah, you're on time for once! Jimin texted me and said the others are already inside" Seonghwa showed his phone, but it was only close enough for Wooyoung to see.

"Oh thank god, cause I could use a fucking drink."

"Me too my friend, me too."

Once they got inside, it was nothing short of a true frat party! loud music booming from every corner, a bowl of condoms, a bowl of most likely spiked fruit punch, random bowls of chips, a plate of special brownies and of course the fully stocked bar.

There was a cup system in place so that everyone knew your status, this was implemented into most parties so that there were no incidents; red meant single, gold meant it's complicated, silver meant either taken or not interested, and black meant you were a frat or sorority member.

Felix always chose between red or silver, and it always depended on if he was in the mood to deflect drunk assholes or not. Today he went for silver, not really having the energy to talk to randos and wants to focus on having a good time with his friends. Wooyoung picked up red though, feeling in the mood to be laid.

As the night progressed, drinks were drank, and the music somehow got even louder, Felix spotted someone he had never seen before, he was holding a red cup and practically skulling it. Felix was stood to the side, watching as his friends danced closely and took some videos of them for the future memories.

Said someone walked over to Felix and smiled, holding another red cup with him.

"You look like you could use a drink, here" the strange person handed one of the red cups to Felix, but once he looked inside he sighed.

"I'm allergic to yeast, so I can't have beer" Felix shook his head and tried his best to be polite considering beer was the most easily accessible drink and this man didn't know of his allergies.

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't know" the man took a few steps back in fear of what Felix may say next.

"Are you new? I've never seen you at these?" Felix walked closer to the strange yet totally hot person and asked. A strong wift of what could only be described as nature hit his nose and it made him gulp, he smelt good, like really good.

"Ah no, I actually go to Jongsung. My name is Chan and that's my friend Yeosang eating chips" Chan pointed to a another strange person who was grabbing himself a handful of chips.

Jongsung? oh hell no!

"What are you doing here at a Yeontan party? you have to show your Yeontan ID to get in" Felix said rather rudely after finding out they weren't from Yeontan.

Chan looked a little taken aback, but he totally understood why. Yeontan and Jongsung students haven't really been on the best of terms ever since the incident.

The people involved were defiantly punished for it, but it left Jongsung with a bad rep and quite a few people transferred over to Yeontan because they felt unsafe.

"I'm sorta friends with one of the frat guys, Jisung, and he let me and my friend Yeosang in"

"Your friends with Han Jisung? he never told me that the little shit!"

"I'm guessing your friends with him then"

"yeah, he's in my friend group,..." Felix turned his head at the sound of a loud scream, face palming when it was just drunk Wooyoung almost falling over. "For fucks sake Woo, please excuse me" Felix walked away from a smirking Chan, kinda glad he no longer had to talk to someone from Jongsung. Like he was hot, but was he hot enough to not be from Yeontan?

"Taehyung! why did you give him another vodka cranberry, you know how he gets when he has vodka" Felix was so annoyed that Jisung let Jongsung students in that he could no longer enjoy himself.

"Don't blame me, it was Hyunjin who gave them to us. I saved him from falling by the way!"

"Well wheres Hyunjin then? cause this party kinda sucks!"

The next day Felix's phone was met with a bunch of un-read messages, considering he turned it off off when he and Wooyoung left the party early.

Wooyoung had gotten a little too drunk, and Felix wanted to leave anyway so he happily took Wooyoung back to their dorm where Woo convinced Felix for some late night cuddles.

Beautiful sluts bunch

Jisung - Where did you and Woo run off to? I didn't see you last night!

Taehyung - Yeah man you totally took off after Woo's almost slip

Jisung - Almost slip?

Taehyung - Woo almost fell over and crushed his leg, but I saved him

Seonghwa - come on guys I'm sure they have a good reason

Jimin - They better cause I lost my dancing partner

Yoongi - It is way too fucking early for my phone to be making this much noise

Hyunjin - I feel you Yoons, my head hurts like a bitch!

Jimin - Too many wet pussy shots am I right 🤣🤣

Jisung - Are they even awake?

Felix - Yes I'm awake you shithead, but Woo's sleeping so shush with all the messages

Seungmin - Where did you go? Sungie and I missed you

Felix - Woo got like falling over drunk so I took him home, plus I wasn't feeling it and kinda wanted to go myself

Seonghwa - That's fine, I hope Youngie is ok?

Felix - I mean I might have to help him throw up but other than that I think he will be fine

Jimin - Aw sending my love

Taehyung - Yeah me too!

Yoongi - I send my love too if it will get you all to stop texting and let me sleep!

Hyunjin - Feed him western breakfast food it's a great hangover cure

Felix - GUYS HE'S NOT DYING CHILL

"Lixie?..." Felix turned his head when he heard a small whimper from next to him.

"Morning gorgeous, how you feeling?" Felix sat up and helped Wooyoung to sit up as well.

"I think I might be sick, oh god" that was Felix's cue to rush both of them into the bathroom, and order McDonalds with one hand and softly rub Wooyoung's back with the other.

Later that day after all his classes had finished for the day was when Felix decided to confront Jisung about Chan.

Felix just never grasped how some people could hang out with them. Ever since the incident last year both Felix and Woo never wanted anything to do with Jongsung again.

Sungie 💚💚

Felix - Since when are you friends with people from Jongsung?

Jisung - Oh so you met Chan last night, I meant to tell you

Felix - Ok and?

Jisung - Felix, not everyone from Jongsung is a bad person. Chan and I went to the same high school he's a cool dude

Felix - Does he know what happened?

Jisung - I'm not sure, it's not really something I wanted to bring up. We just hang out sometimes and I've rapped on a few of his tracks

Felix - Look I'm sorry ok! It's just what happened to Woo, and I live with him so I'm the one calming him down from episodes or comforting his nightmares, it fucked him up Sungie

Jisung - Trust me, I wouldn't wish that even on my enemies, but only 2 people were involved, not the whole fucking student body of Jongsung

Felix - I'll try my best ok

Felix didn't see Chan again until next weekend, at yet another frat party, he assumed Jisung let him in again.

It took all Felix had to not ask why he didn't go to his own university's party, instead he smiled and said hello like a normal person.

"Felix! we need to stop meeting here like this" Chan had that smirk on again, and Felix partnered along with his blush. As much as he didn't like Jongsung he couldn't lie and say Chan was ugly or that Chan didn't wanna make him suck his dick.

"Yeah I know, a little weird right?" Felix tried his best to keep his cool, but he knew that Chan could see his blush. His face was so red anyone could see it from a mile away.

"I got you a drink, don't worry it's just rum n coke, I remembered" Chan winked as he handed over the cup. Felix's insides did a little backflip, he remembered I can't have beer? oh my...

"You scent, it's pretty strong" Chan commented, leaning against the wall for support.

"Uh...yeah, I have a condition..." Felix nervously answered, and kept it vague because he only met Chan last week and didn't wanna tell him his sob story just yet.

"Maybe we should get some ice-cream sometime?" Chan joked, considering Felix's scent was coconut

"Hmm, maybe, but lets dance first" Felix didn't know what came over him, maybe it was the fireball shots Jimin somehow convinced everyone to do. But as he pulled Chan over to the dance floor, all his worries seemed to go away.

Felix even introduced Chan to Wooyoung, who was too busy grinding against Jimin and making out to notice. But Felix just assumed it was Woo being Woo, he always loved to makeout when drunk and Jimin was known as the guy who was down for anything so.

Over the next few days, besides going to class and the endless hours of dance practice, Felix spent his time thinking about Chan. He was so annoyed with himself with how much he was thinking about him but it was hard not to.

It may have been wrong for Felix to completely write off Jongsung when Jisung was right, only 2 students were involved with the incident but it was just so hard to not blame the school. Especially when the incident happened on school grounds.

Which was why it was plaguing his mind even more how Chan was able to get him to bring down his walls, and in a short matter of time no less.

"So, you like him?" Hyunjin queried, while taking a sip of his chocolate frappuccino.

"I didn't say that-" Felix tried to protest.

"The blush on your face says otherwise" Jimin smirked, taking a sip of his matcha frappuccino.

It seemed Felix was the only one who got a hot drink, his hands slightly shaking as he went to grab his piping americano.

"Chill everyone let the poor boy speak!" Seonghwa sighed, sometimes he hated being the mom friend but at other times he knew he had to be otherwise the whole friendship group would be an absolute mess.

"Thanks Hwa-Hyung, I don't know if I like like him, but I don't hate him and it's messing with me. Cause on one hand I'm like he's bad he's from Jongsung and on the other hand I'm like but he wasn't one of them plus he's hot as fuck and I had a wet dream the other night about sucking his dick" Felix ranted, but was thankful he was finally able to get that out.

"Could it be pre heat? I know when mine hits my emotions get all weird" Wooyoung asked.

"No, I'm not due for another two weeks, so it's not that" Felix pondered, his seasonly heat always came towards the end of the season, and it was only the start of August.

"Well what ever you decide just know I'll be here for you, we all will be" Wooyoung put one arm around Felix and pulled him in for a side hug, which was very welcomed in this situation.

"Of course we will, we love you always" Seonghwa added on, giving a sweet smile.

"Are we planning anything tonight? I kinda wanna go out" Wooyoung asked.

"On a Tuesday?" Felix laughed and shook his head.

"Not out out just like a movie or something?"

"I can't, Tuesdays are one of my stream days remember?" Jimin declined, considering the streams were how he made his money.

"Ew you and your streams" Wooyoung shook his head and decided to not ask any further, even though he watched majority of his streams and commented for moral support.

"You wouldn't be "ewing" me if you knew how much money I'm making" Jimin smirked, he knew his friends were ok with him being a camboy, they even watched but they never wanted to participate.

"I just texted Taehyung what you told us and he said that you most probably like him, and that you should most defiantly suck his dick but only if he promises to suck yours after" Hyunjin showed his phone and Felix only whined.

"Hyungggggggggggggggg."

[andrasandreas]

I've had knee pain on & off since I was a kid, like while riding a bike or kneeling down - Doctors said it was "growing pains" so it'll stop eventually, weeell it didn't.

I used to be unable to crouch for more than a few seconds without it hurting so much I had to stop, but I actually improved in that area after learning to roller skate had me bending my knees a lot more, so I thought since it kinda went away that I should just ignore the lesser residual pain I still kept feeling.

This year, I started having days where I woke up with stiff knees, and they would get more sore as the day went on. My job is 99% standing/walking, so I definitely feel it. But thinking back to how my knees have just hurt forever and everybody I told was like "Huh, well that sucks I guess you just have bad knees 🤷," the only thing I tried to do to address it was start wearing compression/support sleeves on the days it was really bad.

My knees were stiff & hurting so often that I ended up wearing the sleeves every single day - But by the time I was thinking mayyyybe I should see a doctor about this, they stopped bothering me as much and I didn't need the knee sleeves (most of the time).

Then there were a few months where my knees didn't really hurt (too bad) at all, but last week I woke up with pain in my hip sockets. If I moved my leg too far backwards or turned them out too far I'd get a super sharp pain. It also just generally hurt in my hip socket area, and I could feel the pain affecting my knees as well. But again, by the time I got around to thinking mayyyybe I should see a doctor, the hip socket pain went away and my legs could move freely again.

Now today, in the middle of my shift, I got this pain that started in my butt but gradually moved down my leg. It would like hurt in one section for a while then move to the next section and hurt there for a while. I've had that pain before, but it was a long while ago and it went away in just a few hours. But this time, the pain was so much that I started limping, and it just kept worsening until it felt like I could barely stand up or walk. But I took some Ibuprofen and then the pain went away.

I called the hospital to make an appointment about my leg/knee pain after that, cause one suspected possibility is rheumatoid arthritis (which runs in my family). And I know it's like if you have arthritis you need to get on treatment ASAP.

But I'm honestly scared of what'll happen at the appointment. Not because I'm afraid of getting an arthritis diagnosis, but because I'm afraid they won't diagnose me with anything.

Every time I've gone to a doctor for lifelong health concerns, they go "Huh that's weird, have you tried eating more vegetables & fiber" and send me away. Then I spend $700 out of pocket on that appointment. Because I can't afford to waste money on non-life-threatening appointments where nothing happens, I go a long time without returning to the doctor. But then when the problem gets bad enough that I consider getting a doctor's help again, since it's been so long since my last appointment, the next time I see them they go "Huh that's weird, have you been eating vegetables & fiber?" And when I say yeah, but sometimes I forget to do that every single day, and I still have the problem either way, they're like "Well try eating more vegetables & fiber" and I pay $700 again.

So when it comes to my lifelong knee pain, that has already been dismissed many times before, even though I'm getting to the point where I'm struggling to literally stay standing on my legs, I'm still scared that the doctor's going to tell me something like do yoga or stretch more or drink water or get more exercise. If that advice didn't cost me $700 to hear every single time, I might not be so worried about it.

[chocolate-failure]

Man, the shrink has been so fucking hard like goddamn. I feel like my resolve can only last week or I go too hard and get sick and gain a bunch of weight back. And I don't think it's due to Ed though I suppose it could be. But I'll get an HS flare or covid flare and can't get out of bed. A couple of those days in a row followed by my period really fuck up my progress. It's like every week there's a fucking crisis and I just don't have the energy to keep at it or I'll have one day where I gain weight in the tub. Like of course I have times where I just overeat or overdrink during the night but a lot of the issue has been being sick because I can always purge, I can't keep however make up for a day where I can't hit the gym or do my extra long baths.

I usually lose about 2 pounds in 2 hours of bathing but if the water is real hot like at hotels I can lose 3 or 4 in the same amount of time. I refuse to do cold baths even though I know they help with weight too. There's just something's I can't give up and my comfort in the bath is one of them.. and having the water scalding hot isn't necessarily comfortable 🥴

But yeah progress has been fucked up mostly because I'm having a hard time acclimating with changes from week to week as far as my physical health goes. It sucks.

I also had a migraine last week (prob Feb 22 or smn) which is the reason why I'm making this entry. I don't have a lot of insight into my triggers or well... When my triggers become an issue. I definitely know what they are with humidity and heat exhaustion being the biggest one but I've gotten migraines after a 2hr walk and not gotten one after a 5hr walk where I'm on the brink of passing out and lost several pounds. Idk what conditiins must be in place along with the heat exhaustion for it to culminate in a migraine. I've had a flash from a camera cause a migraine but have had several encounters with flashing cameras that resulted in nothing. I once ate one of those Louisiana sandwiches with olives in it and got a migraine almost immediately after it but I've eaten olives several times and never got sick. So I end up for the most part not really avoiding my triggers because they more often result in nothing than a migraine. But I still have 2 or 3 a year.

So instead of concentrating on my triggers I try to minimize stress because it feels like that's a common denominator for a lot of my ailments. And the next best thing for migraine management after tigger avoidance is early detection which is only marginally more trackable to me. Unlike some diseases show the symptoms of migraine mean the migraine is happening. Once the symptoms start there's nothing you can do to stop it. You can take meds to take some of the edge off but it's not going away.

A hallmark symptom of the prodrome phase is jamais vu, the opposite of deja vu which just means the world you've come to know feels unfamiliar rather than feeling like you've been here before. But of course this is very similar to dissociation, an experience I have in some capacity nearly all the time. So it's hard for me to discern the difference between premigraine jamais vu and my daily experience of jamais vu. I also experience the confusion and agitation but those things happen directly before the blindness and aura which isn't particularly helpful for predicting a migraine cuz like when I say directly I mean the pain will start within the next minute or so. As the aura expands the headache gets worse but once it's done the headache typically doesn't get worse from that point. Sometimes it's debilitating whole other times it's a dull ache. The headache hat and exposure to cold is helpful. Pain meds are a little helpful if I take them early enough.