#I put the completed only tag cause I don’t wanna suffer

[fandom-monium]

For the Holidays - Part 3

Summary: In which Spencer doesn’t want to go to his high school reunion, but you tagging along changes things. “Please, we're FBI agents. I think we have enough stealth training to get by.”

WC: 2k

Tags/Warnings: Spencer Reid x GN!Reader, fake-dating trope, pining (so much pining), fluff, descriptions of panic/anxiety (non-extreme), defensive Spencer, angst but not from unnecessary trauma, emotional-support Reader, reunion arc, song fic

I'm at a party I don't wanna be at And I don't ever wear a suit and tie, yeah Wondering if I could sneak out the back Nobody's even looking me in my eyes Then you take my hand Finish my drink, say, "Shall we dance?" (Hell, yeah) You know I love ya, did I ever tell ya? You make it better like that

You shield your eyes, “Your class sure knows how to throw a party.”

Immediately, you’re blinded by white and gold, the strobe lights bouncing off the matching streamers and balloons surrounding you. Gingerbread and peppermint bombards your noses as Mariah Carey blasts from the overhead speakers, well-dressed men and women swaying all over the gymnasium. Others laugh, walk around, eat, catching up with old friends. It reminds you of a middle school winter formal, aside from the understandable sophistication that comes with age. And the alcohol.

However, there’s hundreds of faces; they’re worn, deep-set, and wrinkled over time but Spencer would recognize them anywhere.

Memories flood in. His heart rate skyrockets.

No, no, no! Not now!

You feel Spencer tense next to you before you see it. His eyes are unblinking and his breathing quickens.

You don’t hesitate, dragging him aside and sticking to the wall.

“I-I’m so-sorry,” Spencer manages between shuttered breaths.

"Sorry? For what?" You don’t look at him, gently guiding him with a hand on his back, eyes searching. You stop next to a Christmas tree. Perfect. Shadowed, private. No one will look twice at a couple in a secluded corner.

Spencer ducks his chin, “F-for all this.”

Although Underneath the Christmas Tree thunders overhead, you still catch the small whimper that escapes him. Your chest tightens; you knew he was bullied, but what the hell did these people do to make him react like this?

Knowing you won’t get answers now, you rest his back against the wall, shielding him from prying eyes. “Reid, it’s fine.”

“No, it’s not 'fine',” He rasps, shaking his head. He tries to focus on something⎼anything⎼but tears muddle his vision. So he shuts his eyes and presses a hand over his pounding heart, willing it to calm down. It refuses. “You came all this way to help me, and-and now I’m wasting your time⎼”

“Woah, hold up,” You grasp his free arm, stepping closer and trying to meet his eyes. Mindful of his aversion to touch and his germaphobic tendencies, you leave a sliver of space. 

It doesn’t go unnoticed. Spencer feels your warmth bloom even through the sleeve of his blazer. 

“You have nothing to apologize for. None of this was a waste of time, and honestly, I still would have come along had you asked, even if I didn’t have to act as your partner.” Your smile turns shy as you add, “And for what it’s worth, I had a lot of fun today.” 

Your words, while an attempt to comfort him, only sends his heart into hyper-speed. He finally meets your gaze, blinking through unshed tears. “Really?”

“Really.” 

Your eyes, tender and earnest, sparkle in the strobe lights. Spencer thinks, if you keep looking at him like that, he might kiss you.

He doesn't even notice his heartbeat leveling as you lace your hand over his tentatively pulling it away from his pounding heart. He flushes when you don’t let go. “Reid, this can wait. Whatever your bullies told you, whatever they did, you prove them wrong every time you put a bad guy behind bars, every time you finish a geo-profile, every time you save a life. You can always try another time. If it really is too much, we can leave now and you can show me that first bar you went to, the one that gave you shots of apple juice?”

Your smile broadens as Spencer gives you a wobbly grin. "You think anyone will notice us leaving?"

You snort, "Please, we're FBI agents. I think we have enough stealth training to get by."

Spencer chuckles. Without another word you pull away from him, leading him towards the exit, hands still intertwined as the double doors come into view. Then you feel Spencer resist and you pause, glancing over your shoulder. 

He’s looking at you, and for the first time, you see him looking at you like he’s never done before. 

But he has. The only difference is it’s completely unrestrained. Spencer has looked at you like this time and time again⎼eyes soft and brimming with adoration⎼never to your face, always held back in fear of what it could mean, how’d you react.

Right now he doesn’t care. He just… wants you to know. To understand.

You chalk it up to the lighting. 

“I know I said this already, but,” His eyes crinkle and his voice, though wavers, is laced with such warmth, you nearly melt on the spot. “I’m really glad you’re here.”

… Oh dear. Only Dr. Spencer Reid could knock the air out of you with just words.

Not sure of what else to say, you bite your lip and nod, lips threatening to turn into a full blown grin. “Me too.” You ignore the way your heart pounds. 

Not now.

Satisfied, he moves to leave, tugging you behind him as you approach the exit.

“Spencer Reid? Is that you?”

You freeze.

We at a party we don't wanna be at Tryna talk, but we can't hear ourselves Read your lips, I'd rather kiss 'em right back With all these people all around

I'm crippled with anxiety But I'm told it's where we're s'posed to be You know what? It's kinda crazy 'cause I really don't mind When you make it better like that

It’s been over a decade. Her voice comes hesitant, deeper than he remembers but he could never forget.

“Reid.” 

Your voice shakes him out of his stupor and he glances at you.

Right, he’s got you. He’s safe with you. 

You frown. “Who’s this?”

Before he can conjure an answer (he’s not even sure if he wants to), the woman steps up, “Hi, I’m Alexa Lisbon. I was Reid’s… classmate.” She says it slow, like she’s not entirely sure either, offering a hand and a tight-lipped smile. You introduce yourself, taking her hand.

Spencer wishes he brought a bottle of hand sanitizer. 

Honestly, the one time he doesn’t bother? IQ 187, my ass.

Pushing down his discomfort, he inches himself between Alexa and you, despite the subtle tremble in his hands.

It’s actually her. She's aged just like everyone around them, wrinkles by her eyes and smile lines at her painted lips. What the hell could she have smiled about after what she did to him?

She's still pretty though. He hates that he still thinks she's pretty.

Alexa’s eyes roam over him, and his skin crawls. "Wow, it’s been so long. You’ve grown.“

“Thanks, it’s the trauma. You know, from working for the FBI, among other things,” He spits out the last part. He feels you press against his side, a warning. He doesn’t care. 

If his biting tone affects Alexa, she doesn’t show it. “Right, right. You’re in the FBI now. That’s amazing,” She trails off, rolling her lips anxiously and clearing her throat. “Hey… can we talk in private?” 

Memories flash like snapshots. 

The grass field. The sports shed. A blank-faced audience.

Spencer bristles, “Whatever you have to say, you can say it in front of (Your Name). Why? You want to laugh at me? Criticize me? Stri-” You adjust your hand in his, reminding him he’s not alone. He grits his teeth. 

He almost feels guilty when Alexa flinches. Almost.

“Okay,” Her tone is soothing, careful like she’s addressing a cornered animal. Her gaze flicks between you two, hesitating. “If it makes you feel better, you can bring (Your Name), but we really need to speak with you.”

Spencer’s brow furrows. “We?”

Alexa steps aside, nodding past the crowd of drunken dancing, waiting for him to decide.

“It’ll be okay,” You watch him from the corner of your eye. It’s strange; you’ve witnessed Spencer snap a few times, usually to unsubs, people who deserved sharp tongues and razored vocabulary. There were rare occasions when the two of you had your spats, but he never lashed out at you. Not like this.

You wonder what Alexa Lisbon did to warrant such hostility. 

“She’s not an unsub, Reid,” He shivers, your whisper brushing against his ear. He clenches his jaw as he stares down Alexa, but he leans into you, listening. “You’re going to be fine. I’ll be right behind you the whole time.”

And you swear if something happens to Spencer, you’ll kill everyone in the room and then yourself.

Apparently, that’s enough for him as he steps after Alexa, weaving through the mass of bodies. His grip tightens around your hand. Eventually, Alexa stops and you find yourselves at the farthest corner of the gym, by the dining tables.

Suddenly, Spencer wants to run. To throw up. 

Like Alexa their faces have aged, matured as he expected. Some have gained and lost weight, dressed completely different than back in the day, while others look like the world treated them so, so kindly. It makes him grimace. 

Of course the universe decided his tormentors didn’t need to suffer after what they did. He’d expect nothing else. Karma is nothing if not a bitch.

Maybe he can projectile vomit onto them.

Wait, he doesn’t have the abdominal strength to do that. Damn it.

“Spencer Reid,” Harper Hillman breathes, as if she’s testing the way it rolls off of her tongue. Like his name is new to her. Makes sense, considering all they’ve ever called him was anything but his name. She stands from her chair, smile tight-lipped like Alexa’s. “I didn’t think you’d make it.”

Spencer gestures lamely. “Well, here I am.”

“Yeah, um, would you like to sit? We saved you a seat,” Harper’s gaze switches between Spencer and the table. 

They saved him a seat? They saved him a seat? 

Who are these people? 

Spencer shifts his stance, eyes flitting over each face but never lingering, unable to look them in the eye for long. “I’d rather stand, thanks.“

“Oh, no problem. You remember everyone, right?” Harper glances at Alexa, the few members of the football team that showed up, gesturing to them. 

“I have an eidetic memory and an IQ of 187,” Spencer’s face hardens. “What do you think?”

To his delight and astonishment, Harper has the sense to look flustered. “Right, almost forgot about that.”

Spencer nods, toeing the hardwood with his converses. The atmosphere is so thick. Seconds go by.

Alexa clears her throat, “Well-uh⎼”

“What do you want?” Spencer grinds out, one hand fisted in his pocket while the other grips yours tighter. He hasn't even been there for an hour, and already he’s tired and afraid. Whatever they had to say, he wants to get it over with.

Mouths open and close as they try to come up with an answer. Harper, Alexa, the entire group trade hesitant looks, like they had a plan and it wasn’t going accordingly. Like they’re not sure how to proceed. Or who should lead the assault.

Then a nod from Alexa and they stand almost in unison. Spencer’s eyes narrow when Harper smoothes down her dress and tugs at her collar, while Alexa wrings her hands together and bites the inside of her cheek. They all exchange looks between each other and the football team, even they look apprehensive, shoulders tense. Readied.

Oh my god they’re going to jump him. Pin him down and strip him naked again. 

“Reid,” Alexa starts, the group stepping forward as if backing her up. 

Waiting, probably for a signal, Spencer realizes. His stomach turns to lead.

“We want to say…”

Well, good fucking luck. The gym is packed with witnesses, and he’s 90% sure you’d risk your job, bust their kneecaps before you’d let them touch him.

It’s a bold but foolish move, really⎼

“We’re sorry.”

He braces himself.

…Wait. ‘Sorry’?

All his brain function stutters to a halt.

AN: 3/4?? 

guess who wrote 4k just to set up a song-fic?? *raises hand* 

yes this entire fic was inspired by I Don’t Care by Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber okay dont come for me

we all need an emotional-support reader in our lives

also my first reid angst i hope i set the tone and pacing right, wrote it a lot differently :| 

If y'all notice the reference to starstruck by @spacedikut?? Just a small dedication/tribute thingy to them bc I love and appreciate their everything 😚💛

[jean-does-not-have-a-horseface]

our newborn child has been really ill for a couple weeks and you’ve been really worried. luckily, we took them to the doctors and everything’s fine. yet despite it being nearly a week since we went to the doctors, you’ve slept beside the crib every night.- with kuchel shes the youngest and imagine levi and the rest of the ackerbabies sleeping with her cause they're worried

LOOK. THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN A DRABBLE ALRIGHT? BUT I GOT REALLY CARRIED AWAY AND UHM.... Imma break loads of hearts with this....don't tell me I didn't warn you.

Pairing: Levi/ Reader

Warnings: mentions of death

Tags: a n g s t, pure angst, everyone's suffering, Wanna get in the mood I was while writing? Listen to this

A matress for five

For the first time in a long while, Levi's eyes stung feverously with exhaustion and insomnia. It was a silent beg, the first sign of his body giving in to the fatigue of taking care of four children but for all he knew, given the situation things would have to be worse before they got better.

His feet couldn't hold himself up in that late hour; not that even dared to move to check on the clock on the nightstand, his perception of time was more of an assumption. He had spend endless nights wide awake, clinging onto Kuchel's crib for dear life, interwinning her little hand with his, as his sorrows would bathe him in cold sweat.

The small hand that faintly clung onto his intex finger and wouldn't let loose of the steady grip sent earth shattering rashes of pain inside his heart as his eyes batted to its owner. His very own, crucially small and excessively faint daughter, that desperately needed him to simply survive. His eyes batted as he took in her small form for the upteenth time this evening. He loathed to be in that place again, to watch another beloved Kuchel in his life suffer with illness.

He had brought it to himself, he figured. By agreeing that she looked like him enough to be honored to share a name with his mother. Yet, after the recent events of having watched her suffer with whatever was that had gotten her down, he kept on wondering if luck was playing games with him for chosing his ill-fated mother's name. Was it really that much of a coincidence that he had to be stripped off another Kuchel, in a much similar situation?

And how on earth was he supposed to deal with another death brought onto his own little family.

The image of you leaving your last breath while you begged for him to protect your children was a fresh addition of the annihilating pain of grief that clung into his chest as if it was it's safe place. His eyes couldn't help batting erratically to prevent new waves of tears from running cold on his temples as he mentally clung onto the fondest memories of yours. He knew, with the way things were now, he shouldn't allow himself to be weak. There were four children that were completely depended on him, in despairate need to be helped, fed and be stood by for.

He had figured that by allowing himself to be egoistic with his grief he would only manage to repeat Kenny's behavior towards him. Naturally, no decent parent figure would ever chose to treat their children in such way and he didn't wish upon his own babies to feel most of the overwhelming emotions of abandonment he had felt before.

Had you still been here though, no one would have to be forced to deal with your loss in the first place. And as for Kuchel, she wouldn't have to fall sick and fight for her survival since day one.

He still could recall days where you would have fun with your sons, still very pregnant, resting assured that you'd always protect everyone in your own way.

In his memories, you held him tight, arm lingering on his as he cooked a healthy meal for your sons, rubbing one hand over your belly and begging him not to get you pregnant for a long time. Your boys, curious as ever would ask a trillion questions concerning your baby bum to which Kurt would jump to answer before you, taking the role of the experienced older brother, making you giggle at his quick wits and smart mouth.

You would simply bat your eyes in awe and pride as you'd look at him go and take responsibility for his brother at such a young age and in turn, Kurt would promise you he'd always take care of Kuchel as well. Then you would look at Levi, orbs glistering with with plastered happiness only to mouth a silent i love you to him.

The sudden forced halt to your everyday affections was probably what hurt him the most.

In his head, he imagined, you laid beside him as he placed Kuchel to sleep on his chest, smiling at the tenderly profound affection. You hand would graze the surface of his stomach, sliding across the baby's tiny body, only for your fingers to rest on his chin, so tenderly and faintly that he could barely feel them. Your expression would be serene, hues glimmering golden as they'd mirror the warm tingerine flicker of the candlelight.

He would spare you a smile, the most effortessly sincere one he could put on and he'd watch as your eyes would widen. When you'd realise the nature of his expression you would crash your lips against his, noses bumping feverishly into eachother as you'd try to freeze the smile on his face, afraid that it would disappear never to be seen again.

And to that, you would have probably been right. He wasn't going to smile again, not without you at least. Your departure from his life had ripped his heart like an old rotten rag and there was no way for him to manage to pick the pieces of his heart and stitch them back together. He had done it one too many times, just to push forward with being a soldier.

With a heart that was broken one too many times, he should have felt numb when he was ripped off another beloved person.

But he couldn't say the same would ever apply to his children.

As he laid there, staring at Kuchel's chest falling and rising with each little breath she took, he felt like the world threatened to rip him way from his younglings as well. His heart ached at the thought that they would ever have to share a fate with him.

The looks on their confused faces on the day of Kuchel's birth still crushed him. Little by little, day by day, he'd watch as everyone would fall into melancholy from your sudden departure. Kuchel was the first one to suffer from your loss, perhaps, even more fundamentally in comparison to the others.

It had been weeks since Kuchel had fallen ill.

Levi had strained himself physically and mentally trying to figure out what was going on, how could he help or how could he ever even feed her. All the previous experience he had with his sons was nothing compared to not being able to feed his daughter property; what he had suspected of being a mild case of colics, as often as it was on infants, had turned out to be a painful experience for every member in the house just as much as it had been for the newborn girl.

The doctor he had consulted with a little more than a week ago had assured him what Kuchel was going through was normal for children that were forced to receive substitute for their mother's milk. Perhaps, he had suggested, if Levi could find a wet nurse for her she wouldn't have to go through such horrific colics and suffer.

He was only shaken from his thoughts at the creaking sound of the heavy door to your once shared bedroom opening slightly. His eyes immediately fell on the source of sound, only to be welcomed by a small flashing of the dark corridor. With all willpower to move strained from his body though, he couldn't yet manage to utter a single word.

"Kurt, will Kuchel die?"

"Can we go see her?"

The tiny, barely audible voices grazed Levi's eardrums softly, always tenderly allowing him to process the spoken words that left his children's mouths. His nose twitched as anxiety rushed through him, causing him to slightly raise a hand to scratch it in an attempt to shake it's newfound numbness away. The thought of having to force himself to get up from Kuchel's bedside even for a mere moment drowned him in worry and despair.

"No, stupid, she won't die dad's taking care of her. And no, see they're asleep." Kurt whispered as a response, looking at his two brothers after his hand shot on the door to prevent them from opening it further.

Despite the door creaking ever more in response to them pressing their weight on it, the three boys ignored the sound as if it fell deaf to their ears. John and Tony batted their eyes in Kurt's hand, struggling to fit their heads in the slight opening to peek inside the room.

"Mommy wee come and hep her." John tried to whisper, mustering out his best composed words. Kurt threw the younger boy a dangerous glare as the words fell of his mouth, ready to scold him for speaking his nonsense so loud.

"Mom's not coming back," Tony managed to speak, confused as ever, before Kurt ever had a chance to open his mouth. "I think."

Kurt sighed, a loud, angered scoff of air escaping his small nostrils. "Mom's dead, we're never seeing her again. Get it brats?" His grip on the door tightened as he spoke, his feet that had been pushing forward to stop himself from bursting, finally giving in to the pain on the fresh wound in his little chest.

"Kuwt is mean!"John mumbled with a tied tongue "Towy, awe we going to see Kuchel again?"

"In the morning, John!"

"I wan to sweep next to dad!"

"Shut your shitty mouths! Dad is sleeping and we'll wake him and Kuchel up!"

On the other side of the door, Levi laid on the bed in a haze, listening carefully to his children lashing out on their inner thoughts to each other. Originally, he would simply ignore the late night stomping of curiosity his sons were engaged in but an itch to his chest prompted him to get up, to open the door and welcome them into the room.

Hange had spoken to him about the significance of bonding time between him and his children now that they had to come to terms with the significant deat of a parental figure; each one of them them was in a crucial stage of their development, meaning they wouldn't take their mother's death in easily, or even similarly. The psychosynthesis of each child was fragile in its own way and right now Hange's theories were turning out to be correct.

Before he knew it he had walked the distance to the door, opening it slowly to let the three children in."Oi, what have I told you about being vulgar?"

The three siblings froze, chubby cheeks puffing at the sides of their puckered lips as they averted their eyes away from their father's gaze in shame. Kurt took a step forward making sure to force his gray eyes to stare into his father's identical ones, only to speak up the words that were threatening to spill from the tip of his tongue as his heartbeat went through the roof.

"I'm sorry dad!"

Levi's hand automatically shot to the boys direction only to come and ruffle tenderly through his dark chocolate locks. His expression softened and his heart sped up at the slight change of demeanor coming from the boy; Kurt immediately wrapped his arms around his legs, pulling him closer to his smaller body. He melted under the touch. It seemed like his sorrows couldn't bear to get worse at the presence of his children.

In less that a second, Tony and John had nuzzled their way to his legs, in turn, hugging him absurdly tight close to them. Hums and soft giggles escaped them as they cheered for the acceptance of their affections. Almost as if they commanded him to, Levi squatted down, allowing them to wrap their arms around his neck and torso. His own hands came to engulf them in the warmth of his chest, pressing their little heads against it.

"John said he wants to sleep with you! I will watch over Kuchel!" Kurt spoke with the most stern tone he could muster, only to deem himself serious enough for his father to take him seriously.

"Hey I don't want to sleep alone!" Tony exhaled.

Levi couldn't help but let out a huff of amusement through his nose. "How about you all hop onto the bed with me?" He questioned, orbs darting around to all three the pairs of eyes that stared back at him "That way no one has to sleep alone!"

Normally, he knew they would cheer in excitement when you'd allow them to sleep in between you, but the heartbreaking contrast to their current reaction served as another reminder that things were never going to be the same.

Their heads were darting down, eyes burning holes at the floor beneath them as they reluctantly agreed to follow him into the room. He could tell John simply mimicked his brothers' reactions by a mere glance at him. The mellow indicator of his anxiety was served in the form of his teeny fingers mingling with the trims of his sleeves. A silent yawn escaped him, causing his chest to swell and fall in tiredness as he refused to rub any sleep away from his eyes. Noticing it, Levi knew he couldn't waste any more time, he quickly ordered them to secure their grips onto him before he picked them up, entering the bedroom once again.

With curiosity written in their faces, once they were securely set onto the matress, the boys silently crawled to the direction of Kuchel's crib, probing themselves at the edge of the wooden railing. Soon enough, Levi joined them; his hands gripped the railing as he rested his head against them, purposely mimicking his sons.

"Dad, will Kuchel die?" Kurt questioned with dark eyes probing in the direction of the newborn baby. The gulp that went down his throat didn't escape Levi's gaze.

"No, she just has stomach aches from the milk she's been drinking."

With skeptically forrowed brows Tony puckered his lips to the side of his cheek as he proceeded his father's words. "So she will stop drinking milk?"

"Not quite," Levi clicked his tongue "We'll find someone to feed her."

"Mommy wee feed her!"

A heavy sigh escaped Levi's lips as John spoke with enthusiasm. His inability to comprehend death was only natural, Levi reminded himself, but that didn't make it any easier for him to cope up with. It would months even years before Levi could explain to him the concept of death in a way that he could understand and come to terms with. For now, he had to settle with his his heartstrings pulling at him as he spoke the familiar indicators to remind John you were no more of "Mommy can't come back to feed her, so we are going to find a wet nurse."

"What's that?" Tony inquired.

"She is someone who will provide milk for Kuchel like I'm providing food for you."

"Oh!" Tony brought a finger at the side of lip as the profound realisation hit him "Like a new mommy? But why does Kuchel get to have a new mommy, doesn't she like our mommy?"

Levi wasn't given a chance to speak his mind, to educate them on the subject of death once again. Their voices were overlapping each others in a panicked state. It wasn't an uncommon thing for them to do in stressful situations; crying in sync as they stuck with each other as a lunatic team when they cried was something he had grown used to in the past few years. He knew how to handle them, but frankly, in this very moment he mentally couldn't.

"D-did Kuchel kill mommy?"

"Can babies kill?"

"Will Kuchel kill us as well? Daddy don't let Kuchel kill you!"

"Kuchel loved mommy" Levi cleared his throat, finally putting an halt to the synchronized silly assumptions that were being spoken "It's not her fault she had complications in birth."

"Then I don't want to give birth either!" A small cry escaped the group of siblings, causing Levi to bring a palm to his forehead. Sometimes, he wished he could explain things to them as you could, because how the hell was he supposed to explain to Tony that he couldn't physically give birth to someone, at this late hour in the night with his head throbbing in worry for the sickling in the crib.

"You really don't have to worry about that!" He spoke, voice flickering in the air as anxiety rushed through him for the upteenth time. "We should sleep, alright?"

The boys reluctantly bobbed their heads up and down in silently nods of agreement to their father's words. Almost in synch, they detached their hands from the crib's railing only to turn around on their knees to sprawl themselves into the vastness of the double sized bed they had always adorned.

Carefully, Levi laid on his side with his head facing Kuchel's crib, just like a few minutes ago. His hand darted inside the crib, his finger wiggling its way to Kuchel's little palm for her to grab onto. As welcoming as ever, the little palm wrapped around his index finger before a flickered breath exited his daughter's small body. Once he had secured that she wasn't going to be awaken by his actions, with his other hand, Levi plopped himself on his back and motioned to the boys to lay around him in the bed.

First John came to rest under his armpit, shifting himself to his liking onto his father's chest, that much until his ebony hair tickled Levi's chin. Levi recognised it as his perfect comfort sleeping position, the one he'd always go for when he'd sleep in your shared bed.

From that point on it only took seconds for the boy to fall asleep to his father's chest falling up and down as he breathed in a steady manner. Tony had managed to nuzzle his way next to John, fast asleep as well as he cuddled up to both his brother and his father.

"You should sleep bratty." Levi shot to Kurt's direction's as he watched him plop himself on his stomach, his head coming to rest above his hands on Levi's hipbone. Although Levi was unsure if Kurt's face seemed to lit up for a fragment of a second at the beloved petname that escaped his lips, he rested positive that he could at least convince the sever year old to give in to sleep.

"No thanks dad" He yawned "I'll watch over Kuchel! You sleep"

"Kuchel is asleep as well, why don't you come lay on my right side and close your eyes."

Kurt seemed puzzled as he examined the choices he was given. The primary instinct to step in father's shoes in order to protect his sister seemed to slowly give in to his need for some well deserved sleep. It would soon take over him completely, he figured as he stared back at his father, so he opted to comply to his father's prompt for sleep.

Besides, having the chance to sleep tight like a baby on his father's chest like his brothers was as important to his childish antics.

Thus, with a shift in his movements he found himself carefully positioned on the right side of his father's body, nose nuzzling just on the underside of Levi's muscled ribs. The question he wanted to shoot at his father remained at the tip of his tongue as sleep mellowy engulfed him.

Levi's stinging eyes felt heavy as his boys cooed peacefully in his embrace. Maybe, just for tonight, he could let himself rest in the presence of his spawns because unbeknownst to them, they had managed to temporarily put his mind and grief at ease.

Maybe just for tonight, he could let you visit him in his sleep and make things perfect again even for as long as a dream lasted. And maybe when he'd wake up Kuchel would be perfectly fine again and his sons wouldn't be drowning in melancholy and confusion and maybe he wouldn't have to spend the rest of his days wishing your bed could hold six sleeping bodies instead of five.

Tags: @levisbrat25 @alrightberries (that's also a special birthday gift to you I'm sorry it's so sad don't kill me 💀👉🏻👈🏻) @ladyofpandemonium @nobody-knows-anymore @miss-consulting-timelord

[julemmaes]

Honey extra - The Sex Playlist + a little scene

Elide Lochan x Lorcan Salvaterre roommates au

A/N: I posted part five on the same day acosf was released, so if you didn’t see it, go read it, cause it’s.. long and it took me years to finish and I saw it didn’t get the same attention the previous parts did, and yeah

fic masterlist

this takes place somewhere between part five and six

Elide was one of the few lucky girls whose period was never too bothersome. The pain was always very bearable and only lasted a few hours, and most of the time, it wasn't even a real pain, just a slight pressure in the lower abdomen. She could go about her day without having to stop every few minutes because of a cramp - unlike Aelin, who died every month as if someone was stabbing her in the guts.

She also didn't have a heavy flow, which she would always thank the gods for, if they existed. She couldn't understand how her friends could put up with such misfortune.

Not that they could do otherwise, of course, but she was always in awe when they told her about their period-catastrophes. She knew that if it were her turn to suffer like that every time, she would rip her uterus out of her belly.

And at that moment, lying in a fetal position on Lorcan's bed, she wasn't entirely sure she'd be able to keep from doing it herself before the cramping stopped. Because for some strange reason, her body had decided to turn against her this month.

The last two weeks had gone by in the blink of an eye, she and Lorcan had fucked on every surface in the house and between work and classes and studying, Elide had gotten very little sleep. Considering also that every time she lay down, her boyfriend would slip in behind her and she couldn't say no to herself, to that pleasure so exhaustive and ecstatic, it made her forget that her body needed rest.

It had taken Lorcan to remind her that they couldn't go on like this.

So when she'd found a bloodstain in her underwear the previous night, just before going to bed after her shift at the diner, she hadn't worried so much and had thought that they'd finally take a few days off and maybe her body would calm down.

Elide wasn't a fan of period sex and the few times she'd done it she'd been so grossed out that she'd risked barfing in the middle of it. It simply wasn't for her.

What she hadn't expected though, had been cramps so strong they had pulled her from sleep in the middle of the night. Elide had gotten up and gone to the bathroom because she'd started moving around too much and didn't want to wake up the boy sleeping blissfully next to her. She had started pacing the living room, trying to figure out what the fuck she was in such pain for.

When it felt like someone had stuck both hands in her uterus and was digging their nails into her ovaries, Elide had knelt on the floor by the couch, leaning forward with her fists pressed against her stomach.

Lorcan had found her in that position around half past four.

To say he'd been scared out of his wits would be an understatement.

He'd thrown himself to the floor beside her almost immediately, all traces of weariness gone the second he'd heard her whimper in pain and seen that Elide was biting her lower lip so hard it was drawing blood.

When they had established that it was just her cycle, Lorcan had taken her back to his bed and now they were both lying between the soft blankets she had given him.

They had both been puzzled by this new symptom. After all, Lorcan had never seen her suffer from her period in all the years they had lived together and neither of them had expected it to be any different this time.

Elide had had to joke that it was the fault of his huge cock that had literally stabbed her in the uterus, and Lorcan had apologised in earnest, looking at her with wide eyes and pulling away a little, as if he really felt guilty. She had burst out laughing and then pulled him to her again, taking one of his arms and putting it around her body so that his big hand covered her belly.

He'd started moving his fingers over her lower abdomen, applying pressure from time to time when she seemed to tense up due to a cramp. It helped, somehow, to have him there to massage her. To hold her to his chest as they cuddled.

Now, Elide kept her eyes closed, his head resting on top of hers as they both dozed. Or at least she thought so, because Lorcan spoke, his rough, low voice too close to her ear, "How do you feel?"

She sighed, pulling her knees up slightly. His legs immediately followed her, as if they couldn't bear to be away from her body. She smiled, "A little better." then yawned, "I guess it's the fact that I was already tired as it is, what with university and all."

Lorcan hummed behing her, "I see," then he moved, pulling away only briefly, "maybe we should take it slower, with everything I mean."

Elide nodded slowly. She turned her head towards him, still with her eyes closed, but pursed her lips forward, silently inviting him to kiss her. He chuckled, but a second later their mouths clashed in a simple peck on the lips.

The music playing from the speakers suddenly changed from the sweet melody of a love song to something quite different.

"Cause I eat up for a while, let me through. The shake, the screaming aloud, I'ma fool. In my face you shake, leaking everywhere."

Elide's eyes went wide, "Lorcan!" she let go a surprised chuckle, "What is this?" she turned to him fully and could finally see the satisfied smirk on his face.

"It's a playlist I made yesterday," he then lowered his voice an octave, looking at her lips, "For when we can take the time to think about music instead of jumping right into it," he murmured.

Elide swallowed, nodding slowly, continuing to listen to the song.

Definitely very different from what he normally provided her with.

"I like it," she continued, then draped her arms underneath his, resting her head against his chest as he pulled her close to him and lay on his back, making her lie completely on top of him, "our sex playlist." she smiled, playing with the ends of his hair.

Lorcan hummed again and Elide felt it throughout her whole body when he said, "I called it 'elide'."

She had to force herself to calm the hot spirits that that new information had triggered in her body, but she was glad to know that he wouldn't be able to use that playlist with other people, considering it bore her name.

"I like it even more now," she confessed under her breath.

His arms tightened around her back and then his hands began to rub her lower back, where he knew she was feeling the most pain. Elide fell silent, enjoying his warm hands on her skin, and only had time to thank him before sleep beckoned her again.

The playlists

01.02

1. The Fixer – Brent Morgan

2. Why iii Love The Moon – PHONY PPL

3. Couch Potato – Jakubi

4. Anyway – Noah Kahan

5. comethru – Jeremy Zucker

6. Why Not Me – Forrest.

7. Loving – Surfaces

8. always, i’ll care – Jeremy Zucker

9. Like Strangers Do – AJ Mitchell

10. Yellow Lights – Harry Hudson

11. Glue Myself Shut – Noah Kahan

12. Colour Me – Juke Ross  

13. Lovesong (The Way) – Charlie Burg

14. Lucky Love – Michael Seyer

15. Freak In Me – Mild Orange

elide

1. Skin – Rihanna

2. Do It For Me – Rosefield

3. Body Party – Ciara

4. When We – Tank

5. Rockstar – Rihanna

6. F***in Wit Me – Tank

7. On Top – Trey Songz

8. Acquainted – The Weeknd

9. Freaky – Gemaine

10. Make You Feel – Alina Baraz

11. First Fuck - 6LACK & Jhené Aiko

12. Young God - Halsey

13. How Many Times – DJ Khaled

14. Fuck You All The Time – Jeremih

18.02

1. I Don't Know Me Like You Do – Low Hum

2. I Don't Wanna Be Okay Without You – Charlie Burg

3. Why Can't I Have You – Gloria Laing

4. If I Go, I'm Goin – Gregory Alan Isakov

5. Let Me In – Skinny Living

6. Reason To Hate You – Rhys Lewis

7. Be Your Man – Rhys Lewis

8. Yours – Jake Scott

9. Loved Us More – Munn

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[simplybakugou]

Nights Like This

↝ After getting sick during a hurricane, you stay by your boyfriend’s side as you attempted to make his bleak day a little brighter.

BINGO SPACE: Cuddling

⋆ PAIRING: prohero!todoroki x fem!reader ⋆ WARNINGS/TAGS: fluff ⋆ WORD COUNT:

A/N: here’s another @bnhabookclub bingo piece! genuinely feel like this is absolute garbage because todoroki is such a difficult character for me to write honestly so i’m really sorry if my character portrayal is bad, i tried my best truly. thank you to @honghearts for requesting todoroki for this prompt! i’m sorry rosie if it’s not good :( the transparent todoroki cap is from the bnhabookclub drive.

FULL BINGO MASTERLIST

✐posted 08.29.2020✐

The cracking of thunder roared through the sky as raindrops pelted the window furiously. Flashes of lightning glowed through the blinds every few minutes and you couldn’t help but sigh as you peered outside through the window. The day was coming to a close and yet it had been pouring in this manner for the past few hours.

From the news you found out that many pro heroes were sent back home from their agencies and from patrol as the storm showed no sign of slowing down anytime soon. The past few days were filled with these harsh conditions as meteorologists labelled it as a hurricane, ordering people to seek shelter indoors for as long as possible until the weather wasn’t as bleak. Fortunately this meant the rate of crime was low as criminals and villains alike would not be able to ensue their chaos during a tropical storm.

You grabbed your phone as you settled back in bed, deciding to call your boyfriend. It took a few rings but he finally picked up. “Hello?” Todoroki’s voice seemed more hoarse and deep than usual, causing you to be taken aback for a second.

“Oh I was just calling ‘cause I wanted to talk to you, but are you alright, Shouto?” You asked.

You could hear Todoroki coughing before he began speaking with the same hoarseness in his voice. “It seems I’ve gotten sick… but I’m alright so don’t worry.”

“You never get sick, Shou,” you chided softly as you felt more and more concerned. “Give me a few minutes, I’ll be there soon.”

“No, wait, Y/N--” You cut the call short, not bothering to hear your boyfriend’s protests as you grabbed a raincoat, shoes, and any other belongings you needed with you. Fortunately Todoroki only lived a few blocks from your apartment so the drive wouldn’t be as trying. 

Although you knew you should probably stay inside during such harsh weather conditions like this, you couldn’t help but be concerned, knowing the countless amount of times Todoroki looked after you while you had fallen ill. It was your turn to take care of him, especially since it was so rare for him to get sick like this when he would use his quirk to regulate his body temperature. 

You parked into his driveway, scurrying inside as fast as you could to seek shelter from the rain. Even with the few seconds you stepped foot outside, you were quickly drenched as you pulled out your key to Todoroki’s home and let yourself in. 

Despite being one of the top pro heroes in the country at the time who made the most money a human could make, Todoroki was a simple person when it came to the extravagance of his home. It was a traditional Japanese style home, modeling his childhood home as it brought him a sort of comfort. Whenever you visited his house, just being inside brought a smile to your face.

You dropped your things off to the side, going towards his room as you slid the door open. He was lying in bed with a blanket covering half his body. “Shouto?”

Todoroki opened his eyes, turning his head to look at you. “Y/N, it’s too dangerous out there for you to be driving. You didn’t have to come, my love.”

You smiled at his cute pet name for you. Even during times like this he was able to verbally address you in the sweetest way possible.

“It’s okay. You live right by my place so it’s not like I’m traveling to the ends of the earth.” You leaned over his bed, placing a hand on his forehead. Your fingers felt his skin burning up and you frowned. “I’ll be right back. Let me make you something to help you feel better.”

Todoroki let out a small sigh. “Y/N…”

You waved him off. “It’s fine, Shou. Let me take care of you, alright?”

You didn’t bother to hear his response as you slipped out the door and made your way to the kitchen. You looked through his cabinets and fridge, taking whatever vegetables and other ingredients he had lying around to come up with something quick yet refreshing to eat. Finally deciding on something to whip up, you quickly went to work, chopping up the vegetables. Recalling all the times you had fallen ill as a child, you remembered your mother making your favorite soup to make you feel even a little bit better. Although you were suffering with the sickness, those moments were special as you could feel the love radiating from your mother’s cooking.

The house quickly filled up with the delicious, mouthwatering aroma of your cooking. Todoroki glanced over as you had left the door open when you left, being able to watch you work in the kitchen from his position in bed. A smile crept up his face as he fondly recalled all the times his mother would cook for him as a child in this same manner. Other than his mother and sister, you were the one woman he loved dearly and being able to have someone love him unconditionally brought joy to him in a way he would never be able to describe into words.

Within ten minutes or so you were able to finish up with your cooking, making sure to clean the space in the process. As you completed washing the dishes, you scooped some of your homemade soup into a bowl, carefully holding it in your hands as you proceeded back to Todoroki’s bedroom.

Todoroki watched as you knelt down beside his bed, smiling sweetly at him. He broke out into a fit of coughs, groaning afterwards. Beads of sweat lined across his forehead and you noticed this, setting the soup on his bedside table as you brushed back the hairs from sticking to his skin. You got up once again, this time grabbing a clean washcloth and a bowl of cold water. It seemed his sickness was affecting the way in which his quirk worked as he wasn’t able to use his ice powers to cool his body down.

You crouched down beside his bed once again, dipping the washcloth in the bowl of water before wringing it out, folding it promptly, and placing it on his forehead. “Let’s just let this sit here for a minute and then you can eat, okay?” You gestured to the washcloth.

Todoroki hummed in response. “Thank you… and I’m sorry for making you do all this.”

You smiled, caressing his cheeks with your fingertips. “You don’t have to thank me for anything, Shouto. You’ve always saved and protected people, taking care of them in the process. Now it’s your turn to be taken care of so there’s no need to apologize.” 

“What’d I do to deserve an angel like you,” Todoroki murmured, instantly making you heat up from his sweet talk. 

“I think the fever’s getting to you,” you teased, removing the washcloth from his forehead. “Can you sit up for me?”

Todoroki obliged to your request as he sat up and you propped his pillow up to support his back. You handed him the bowl as the heat from the dish warmed his hands almost immediately. He took one spoonful into his mouth, the broth from the soup covering his tongue as the flavor was absolutely delectable, just like every other dish you’ve ever made. As per usual, your cooking always made him feel better. “It’s delicious, Y/N.”

“I’m glad. I hope that makes you feel a bit better,” you said, standing up and sitting on the chair by his desk.

“It does. Thank you.” The soup warmed his insides in a way that would’ve been fine if his quirk were working properly at the moment. 

You pushed back the curtains by his window, taking a peek outside as the weather was still relentlessly pouring down rain harder and harder by the minute. The sun had finally set, making it even harder to be driving in such dark and hazardous conditions. At least on the way to Todoroki’s house it was still light outside, letting you see where you were going. “I guess I can’t go back home tonight.”

Todoroki adamantly shook his head, coughing in between his words. “No, it’s too dangerous. I don’t want you to drive right now.”

“You’re right. The last thing I need is to get into a car accident in the middle of the night of a hurricane.” You stood up once more. “You finish that. I’m going to borrow some of your clothes to sleep in.”

Todoroki nodded as you briefly looked through his closet, grabbing one of his t-shirts and a pair of shorts. You swiftly changed into your clothes and neatly folded your own clothes to the side. “Do you want to go to bed now?”

“Yes.” He set his now empty bowl onto his desk as he was about to get out of bed. “I’ll go sleep on the couch.”

“What? Why? It’s not like we’ve never slept in the same bed before,” you asked perplexingly.

“But I don’t want you to get sick because of me,” Todoroki said, coughing and then sneezing right afterwards.

You approached his bedside, pushing him gently back into bed as you crawled right beside him, pulling the covers over your bodies. “I don’t care about getting sick. I just wanna be with you, Shou.”

Todoroki let out a sigh, smiling in the midst of it. “Alright. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“Yeah, yeah, we’ll talk about it tomorrow.” You laid back into bed as he began to close his eyes, already feeling groggy from the soup and his fever. “Um, Shouto, is it alright if I put the TV on? I’m not that sleepy right now.”

“Sure, do whatever you want. I don’t mind,” he mumbled.

“Okay, I’ll put the sound down,” you said as you grabbed the TV remote and played your favorite show. 

For the next few moments the room was relatively silent as you turned the sound off the TV, relying on the captions to pay attention to what was going on as well as the roaring rain pouring and slamming against the window. You glanced over to your boyfriend who’s back was facing you as he had turned on his side. You assumed he had fallen asleep and you were relieved that he had gotten the well deserved rest he needed. After about two episodes of your favorite show, you ended up dozing off yourself.

What you hadn’t realized was Todoroki was having a little difficulty falling asleep as his congestion made it hard to breathe peacefully into slumber. Just as he was about to close his eyes again and force himself to fall asleep, he felt your arms wrap around his torso from behind. He glanced over his shoulder and turned around so that he was facing you.

You groaned in your sleep as he moved, immediately latching onto his torso from the front this time as you nuzzled your head against his chest. Your actions brought a small smile to his face as he rested his cheek on your head, wrapping an arm around your body.

The moonlight spilled over through the cracks of the curtains and shined onto your face, lighting your skin up luminously. You were beautiful, absolutely breathtaking even while you were sleeping. 

Todoroki couldn’t thank you enough for all that you did for him, loving him wholeheartedly in a way he never expected. Through nights like this, with you in his arms after a long and dreary day did he feel like he had fallen in love with you all over again.

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[athina-blaine]

“So did you want to try it?”

Jon froze, and Martin’s eyes grew wide. “Only if you want to, obviously. Sorry. I didn’t …”

“It’s fine,” Jon said, because it was. Try it, though? Well … no, right? Or rather, Jon hadn’t actually considered it an option. He’d been content to leave it an annoying, arousing fantasy, the same as all the others. And yet …

“… You’re offering?”

-

Jon and Martin try something new.

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist

Chapters: 1/1 [Complete]

Chapter Word Count: ~7.4k

Additional Tags: Established Relationship, Canon Asexual Character, Sex-Neutral Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Porn with Feelings, mostly feelings, explicit section marked in advance for peeps who wanna skip it, but still want tender jmart, they're just Like That

~

Closing the door behind him, Jon let his shoulders sag. At last, the day was over.

Kicking off his shoes, he collapsed onto the couch, not even bothering to take off his work jacket. Cat fur had already started clinging to his lapels, but he couldn’t summon the energy to care. Damn the jacket. He would not move from this spot until Martin came home and bullied him off it.

“Mrrep.”

Jon cracked open an eye just as Lou jumped onto his stomach, shocking a startled breath out of him. Never an ounce of respect for his organs. She snuffled at his suit, then meowed again, insistent; he reached up to scratch just behind her ears, the way she liked. A low purr rumbled in her throat as she started to knead his stomach, claws sinking into his skin. His eyes pricked with tears, but he suffered through it. Anything for wretched, darling Lou.

Eventually, she decided to curl up on his chest, and they laid like that, sleep tugging Jon down until his eyes slipped shut. No . Bad. Had to wait for Martin to get home. Just a little bit longer.

At last, the door opened.

“I’m home, honey.”

Jon pulled his eyes open. He turned over onto his side, knocking an irate Lou out of place. "You've got it backwards."

“I have not.”

“It’s honey, I’m home.”

“Yeah, if you want to sound like a twat. Which I don’t.” Reaching over the couch, Martin touched Jon’s shoulder, eyes bright and affectionate. “Hey there.”

Jon smiled. “Hello.”

Giving his shoulder one small squeeze, Martin turned away, and Jon dutifully waited for him to work through his routine. He checked off all the boxes in his mind: 1. hang up his jacket 2. put his shoes by the door 3. stow away his bag 4. give Lou a greeting pat, scold her for trying to trip him 5. grab a snack from the fridge. When Martin finally rounded the couch, can of soda in hand, Jon obediently lifted his head to make room as he sat down, and he settled on the soft plush of Martin’s thigh. He sighed.

Finally, he could relax.

Taking the remote, Martin flipped through TV channels, browsing idly before landing on some cooking show. His other hand carded through Jon’s hair, and Jon let out a low hum, pleasure coursing through him.

“How was work?” he asked before he was too far gone.

“Fine. Nothing too exciting. Had a few big cake orders, but it’s wedding season, I guess. Frank was causing a bit of a fuss, though.”

“Oh?” Jon smiled at the bite of annoyance in Martin’s tone. “What did Frank do now?”

“Wouldn’t shut up about some game last night. Do I really look like somebody who’d be interested in baseball, Jon? Be honest.”

“I suppose not? I must admit I’m not familiar with all the trappings associated with a baseball fan, however.”

“Yes, well, let’s try and keep it that way.” Martin sipped his drink. “This is a hockey household.”

Jon snorted, his head lolling back in place. Martin’s hand trailed down to the back of Jon’s neck, and Jon arched up to give him better access. He’d been rather stiff all day, thanks to all his documents. 

Then, Martin pressed his thumb into the knot of Jon’s shoulder and let out a low hiss. "Jesus, Jon, did you get a gumball stuck in there or what?"

“I don’t know what you mean,” Jon said, wincing as Martin rolled over the tangle of muscle.

“Like hell you do.” Martin wiggled his hand further under Jon’s shirt, seeking a better angle. “We’re visiting Melissa next week, you hear me? We might be able to squeeze something in before she’s booked solid.”

“I’m fine.”

“Yeah, because you’ve got your own personal masseur on call.”

Jon hummed, pressing his nose into Martin’s thigh. “He’s quite handsome, too.”

“You stop that.”

Chuckling, Jon settled back down, letting Martin work at his shoulder. Eventually, Martin slowed into a more absentminded rhythm, warming the skin of Jon’s neck, before pulling his hand back up and carding through Jon’s hair. He dragged his fingernails across his scalp, and Jon had to hold back a soft sigh, a ripple of pleasure shuddering through him.

This was his favourite part of the day; when Martin managed to make him feel little more than a melting, mindless figment of tender comfort.

Sometime later, after Jon had become firmly ensconced in a syrupy subspace, Martin patted his shoulder.

“Got a little something for you, by the way.”

Jon held back a low groan as Martin pulled away and pushed himself off the couch. This was Jon’s least favourite part of the day, when Martin had to be hauled away for one reason or another. The sound of a gift made the disappointment more bearable, he supposed, and he sat up as Martin returned.

“Cass let us take home some leftovers today.” Martin presented him a box with his workplace’s logo, revealing two small cupcakes. “Surprise! Got you the red velvet.”

“This is going to ruin our dinner, you know,” Jon said, even as he eagerly plucked up his designated treat. Martin snorted as he sat back down.

“Yeah, wouldn’t want to ruin two slices of week-old pizza.”

“Maybe I was going to make that stir-fry tonight. You don’t know that.”

“I can see you’re right on top of it.” Martin pinched his cheek, earning an indignant scowl. “Shut up and eat your cupcake, you.”

Martin took his own vanilla cupcake and Jon leaned into his arm. He peeled the confetti wrapper off and took a bite, savouring the sweet flavour and moist, spongy texture. Martin’s bakery really did have the best. No wonder everyone wanted their wedding cakes; he just hoped they had a variety in red velvet, for someday in the future. As he chewed, though, he noted that something tasted off. “Did they change the cream cheese recipe?”

“I dunno. Maybe?”

Jon angled his head, because this was important as Jon had rather liked that cream cheese, but he paused. Martin was dragging his tongue along the edge of the cupcake, slow and indulgent, eyes slid shut.

Jon should have scolded him, because there was a proper way to eat a cupcake, goddammit. Any other time he would have. But he was still feeling warm and sleepy from Martin touching him, his tongue heavy in his mouth, and all he could do was watch.

Martin’s tongue flicked out again, soft and pink, slightly stained with purple dye, and a thrill of something hot pulsed deep in Jon’s lower belly.

That … that was …

“Got something on my face?”

Jon blinked. Martin was looking at him with a lifted brow. Oh. Oh, he’d been staring.

“I, uh …”

With an exaggerated eye roll, Martin huffed, bringing the cupcake back to his mouth. "Yes, yes, I know, it's not the proper way to eat a cupcake. We all have our little indulgences, you know.”

Jon swallowed, tearing his eyes away and back to his own cupcake. “…Yes. Right.”

They ate their cupcakes and watched television. Afterwards, they reheated their pizza, Jon recounting his own anecdotes of the day. They took turns washing up in the bog, and then they got ready for bed.

And through it all, Jon was … thinking.

[Continue on AO3]

[hajimes-erect-ahoge]

Postmortem- Chapter 19

The boys and girls go for a fun trip!

ao3

Ouma tossed and turned restlessly in bed, finding himself unable to fall back asleep after his body decided to rudely awaken him for no good reason at all. Insomnia had always been rather common for him during the killing game, and waking up from the simulation did nothing to alleviate this problem. At the very least, not being able to sleep meant that he would be able to avoid whatever nightmares his mind had maliciously decided to subject him to. But after having experienced night after night of fitful slumbers, Ouma’s sleep deprived mind had betrayed him and craved nothing more than a few hours of peaceful shut-eye.

Taking note of how it was half past four in the morning, Ouma belatedly wondered if it was even worth it to try and get any more sleep. Soon enough, alarms would be ringing throughout the entire apartment complex, signaling the start of the day long before the sun had even risen.

The girls had apparently set up a whole entire camping trip for themselves, even going so far as to contact Team Danganronpa for transportation and such. Last night, Tojo had so graciously decided to inform the boys of said trip, asking if they wanted to tag along. Having nothing better to do and nowhere else to go, they accepted, not knowing that it would require them being ready to go this early. But despite the obvious inconvenience to their sleeping schedules, the boys did as they were told, preparing to wake up bright and early.

Not only was Ouma not a fan of waking up so early, but he was not necessarily too fond of the outdoors either. After the “insect meet and greet” during the simulation, he never wanted to see another bug ever again. But unfortunately for him, he didn’t have much say on this matter as it was already decided that everyone would be attending the getaway. Although Ouma could hypothetically refuse to go on said trip, he would be left alone in the apartment complex all by himself for who knows how long… It was a lose-lose situation, but at least by going on the trip he could spend more time with Saihara instead of being bored and lonely.

Ouma allowed himself to recollect the events of the past few weeks, the memories of his first official date with Saihara still fresh in his mind. After they had arrived at the apartment complex, soaking wet and shivering, they couldn’t help but laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of what their first date had been. It may have been silly, and nonetheless chaotic, but Ouma wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Saihara felt the same way, enjoying the other boy’s company regardless of how hectic it may be at times. The whirlwind and mystery that was Kokichi Ouma was ever so intriguing to Saihara, luring him in with every word he spoke and every lie he told. He wanted to be the one to uncover that mystery, to understand the reasoning behind Ouma’s each and every action, regardless of how minor or major said action was. But above all, he wanted to protect the other boy from any sadness or harm that might come his way, even if it meant putting himself in danger.

Although they were as far away from danger as they could possibly be, that didn’t eliminate the trauma of being put through a killing game simulation where the excruciating pain of death and losing the ones you care for was as real as ever. Saihara was acutely aware of the fact that Ouma intended on hiding his suffering, smiling through the pain as if nothing was wrong. But he knew better than to believe Ouma’s lies by now, instead offering him a shoulder to cry on in any time of need.

Normally, Ouma wasn’t too fond of the idea of someone being able to see through all of his lies, but he could make an exception for Saihara. In fact, when it came to Saihara, he was actually glad that he could see through a majority of his lies. It led to a playful banter between the two, creating a never-ending game of cat-and-mouse in which both participants were eager to participate. While Saihara’s ability to see through his lies had led to some situations in which he was uncomfortably vulnerable and had to face his emotions, Ouma still found himself craving to be closer and closer to the other boy, slowly taking off his mask of fake smiles and presenting to him his true feelings. The thought of doing so may have been scary, but having Saihara by his side made him feel like he could do anything.

Although he would probably never voice these thoughts aloud, Saihara would be smart enough to eventually figure all of this out, had he not done so already. Not only was he incredibly observant, but his knack for figuring out the truth behind Ouma’s lies led to an unspoken understanding between them; Ouma felt comfortable displaying vulnerability in front of Saihara, and both of them knew this.

Mulling around these thoughts in his head, Ouma decided to rest his eyes for a few moments. It couldn’t hurt to sleep for a little while longer, he supposed…

~~~~~~~~~~

Just as he had settled into a peaceful slumber, the sound of an obnoxiously loud alarm blaring sounded throughout the bedroom. Being a light sleeper, Ouma woke up immediately, cursing the universe for its awful timing. He felt Saihara stir besides him, a surprising feat given how heavy of a sleeper he was. The movement then ceased, Saihara once more curling up under the covers as Ouma observed him, sitting upright.

“You two slept in the same bed again?”

Glancing over his shoulder, Ouma witnessed a groggy-looking Momota eyeing him suspiciously as he made his bed. 

“Duh! It’s easier to kill someone in their sleep, after all!” Ouma tried to sound as chipper as possible, but he couldn’t help the edge of tiredness that crept into his voice as he spoke. “Figures I would have to spell that out to somebody as stupid as you, Momota-chan!”

“Hey, I’m not stupid!” Momota protested, defending himself. “And I’m not an idiot, either! I know you were lying about trying to kill Shuichi just now... Something’s going on between you two and I’m gonna get to the bottom of it!” He asserted his statement confidently, pointing an accusing finger at Ouma.

“Nishishi, good luck with that!” Ouma taunted, sticking his tongue out at Momota.

“What are you two yelling about…?” Saihara spoke quietly, his voice laced with drowsiness as he now sat up in bed and looked at the other two boys. 

There was a slight frown prominent on Saihara’s face, making him look even more adorable than usual when coupled with the fact that his normally tame hair was sticking up in random directions. Realizing he was staring at Saihara just a bit too much, Ouma abruptly looked away. Momota looked away as well, feeling guilty for waking up Saihara in such a rude manner.

“S-Sorry, Shuichi… Didn’t mean to wake you up there…” Momota apologized sheepishly.

Saihara hummed softly, followed by a quick yawn. “It’s okay… I would’ve had to get up sooner or later anyway.” He offered a quick smile in reassurance.

“Well if my sidekick is okay with it then I’m okay with it!” Momota grinned, before glancing at the clock. “We should probably get going soon… Don’t wanna keep the others waiting for too long!”

Saihara nodded in agreement, “Yeah… We better get ready soon, then.”

“Dibs on the bathroom!” Momota declared, running off to go get ready first while Saihara and Ouma got ready to pack their belongings.

At least, that’s what Saihara intended to do before he felt a pair of thin arms wrap around him from behind.

“Ouma-kun…?” Saihara was almost completely out of bed until Ouma pulled him back in, causing him to land on the mattress with a soft thud.

Regaining his bearings, Saihara opened his mouth to chastise Ouma but froze when he saw the look on the other boy’s face.

Rather than wearing an expression of mischief, Ouma’s face was blank as he snuggled up next to Saihara, wasting no time in getting comfortable in bed once more.

“Stay with meeeee…” Ouma mumbled into Saihara’s shoulder, warm breath tickling pale skin.

Saihara absent-mindedly ran his fingers through Ouma’s tousled locks, sighing softly to himself.

“You know I’d much rather stay in bed with you, but we made a promise to the girls and I don’t want to keep them waiting-”

“Then let them wait.” Ouma said firmly, pouting.

Saihara chuckled, peering down at Ouma. “You know we can’t do that…” He paused for a moment, gathering his thoughts. “I promise I’ll cuddle with you while we’re on the bus.”

Ouma immediately perked up, trying to hide his excitement as he looked up at Saihara with big puppy dog eyes. “Promise?”

“Of course.” Saihara slowly sat up, pulling Ouma up with him. “Now let’s go get ready, okay?”

“Fiiine…” Ouma pretended to pout, but Saihara could still see the warmth dusting his cheeks.

~~~~~~~~~~

The bus was already ready and waiting for them outside of the apartment complex, the tired boys and girls slowly approaching from a distance. As they all walked together, the boys unmistakably noticed Chabashira glaring at them, presumably for ruining their original plan of having this be a trip for the girls only.

“Stupid degenerate males…” Chabashira mumbled under her breath, which went unheard by the boys.

Akamatsu approached her, a tentative smile gracing her lips. “Lighten up, Chabashira-san!” She encouraged, though Chabashira’s mind seemed to be elsewhere.

“Nyeh… There’s no use trying to cheer her up when she’s like this…” Yumeno emerged from Chabashira’s other side, weakly reasoning with Akamatsu.

“I-I see…” She frowned, as being unable to remedy the situation disheartened her. Nonetheless, she kept a bright spirit. “Well if there’s anything I can do to help don’t hesitate to ask, alright?” Akamatsu gave a firm smile, more confident in her efforts this time.

Much to her surprise, Chabashira nodded, flashing her a half-smile. “Mhm! Thank you, Akamatsu-san! I apologize for worrying you!”

“No worries!” Akamatsu grinned, feeling satisfied at last. 

After a few more moments of walking, they arrived at and boarded the large bus. The interior of the bus was furnished with fuzzy and comfortable looking cushions, as well as air conditioners lined along the ceiling. It wasn’t particularly hot where they were currently located, but as they drove south the weather would continue to grow warmer, warranting the use of the air conditioners. 

The bus was large enough so that everyone could occupy their own seat if they wanted to, though the students that were romantically involved with one another chose to sit with each other, Ouma and Saihara being no exception. The smaller of the two had practically draped himself over the other, succeeding in flustering him. 

“O-Ouma-kun, cut it out! People are starting to stare…” Saihara pointed out as he noticed Harukawa glaring at them from over Momota’s shoulder. Their eyes locked, and said glare was replaced by a softer expression, presumably one of sympathy for Saihara as he had his chaotic boyfriend to deal with.

“But you promised you would cuddle with me!” Ouma practically wailed, drawing even more attention to them.

“I will! Just… hush. Please. You’re causing a scene.” Saihara whispered, trying to de-escalate the situation.

Wordlessly, Ouma proceeded to give Saihara his personal space back, even if it was only a little bit.

~~~~~~~~~~

The next few hours passed by at a decent pace, most people opting to sleep to pass the time. Despite claiming that he would never fall asleep and miss out on snuggling with his beloved, Ouma dozed off soon enough, though Saihara didn’t mind. But as they began to approach their destination, Ouma awoke, half-heartedly chastising Saihara for letting him break his promise. 

Currently, the two were enjoying the peaceful silence that existed on the bus before the chaos of what this trip entailed would erupt. Saihara pulled out his phone, trying to check the weather in their location after wondering how hot it would be where they were. Unfortunately for him, the weather app wouldn’t load due to poor connection.

“Want me to try?” Ouma offered, taking out his phone as well. Without waiting for an answer, he went ahead and opened up the weather app on his own phone.

“Wait… What was that?” Saihara asked confusedly.

“Hmm? What was what?” Ouma responded, pausing his movements.

Saihara pressed the home button on Ouma’s phone, scrolling past the apps so that he could get a clear view of his lock screen.

“Your lock screen…” Saihara wondered aloud, “What is that?”

Noticing the puzzled expression on Saihara’s face, Ouma immediately burst out laughing.

“It’s a meme, Saihara-chan!” Ouma explained, though the perplexed look on Saihara’s face persisted.

“A meme?” Saihara repeated.

“Oh my god…” Ouma replied in awe, “Don’t tell me that you don’t know what a meme is!”

“I, uh… Sorry?” Saihara chuckled lightly, apologizing nonetheless.

After making a bold declaration to help Saihara become “more cultured”, Ouma spent the next few minutes showing him a variety of memes to broaden his understanding of the term. Although Saihara couldn’t say that he understood them, he had to admit that Ouma’s tenacity was admirable.

Looking out the windows of the vehicle, Saihara noticed that the area they were in was densely packed with trees and sparsely populated with other people. Suddenly the bus drove into a large lot, coming to a stop after parking. After being nudged by Amami, a tired Akamatsu stood up and announced to everyone that they had arrived at their destination. A collective groan from a majority of the bus signaled the group’s displeasure at having to wake up from their naps, but they otherwise cooperated. Gathering up their belongings, they one by one stepped off the bus and into the unwelcoming heat.

Uncomfortable with the unusually hot weather, Ouma began fanning himself rapidly with his free hand in a feeble attempt to fend off some of the heat. Though it did help to cool him down momentarily, the long term benefits were nonexistent, especially as he began to walk and carry his bag with him.

Observing his surroundings, Ouma noticed that the area seemed notably empty, almost as if they were in the middle of nowhere. It was a mystery how the girls even managed to find this place. As the bus began to drive away, the reality that they would be stuck here in the overwhelming heat practically indefinitely was beginning to settle in.

“Saihara-chaaan…” Ouma complained loudly, grabbing the attention of a few others around him as well. “It’s too hot… I can’t go on anymore…” While it was true that he was being dramatic, there was a hint of truth in his words as his pace began to slow down, leaving him trailing slightly behind Saihara and the others.

Saihara gave a fond smile, mildly amused by Ouma’s theatrics. “Here.” He pulled a water bottle out from the side of his bag and handed it to him. “Make sure you stay hydrated. Our campsite should be nearby, so you can rest soon.”

“You want me to drink water?” He gave a disgusted look, but accepted the drink regardless. “Who do you think I am?” After taking a quick sip, he handed it back to Saihara. “I would never drink something as plain and boring as water.”

“Right…” Playfully rolling his eyes, Saihara accepted the water bottle and placed it back in his bag. “Just try to keep going a little bit more, okay?” He gave Ouma a soft yet encouraging look, a gentle expression that was only reserved for him dressed on his face.

“Yup! I feel totally better now that Saihara-chan took care of me! What a doting boyfriend!” Ouma exclaimed, causing Saihara to flush bright red as well as attracting Momota’s attention.

“What are you yelling about, Ouma?” Momota questioned suspiciously before noticing Saihara’s flushed face, causing him to worry. “Woah, Shuichi, your face is really red! Do you need some water or something?”

Saihara stole a glance at Ouma, who was smiling innocently while he was being fussed over by Momota. He sighed.

“I’ll be fine…”

~~~~~~~~~~

A few moments later they arrived at their designated campsite, taking the time to set up their tents and set down their belongings. The tents were large enough to fit two or three people, allowing everyone to keep the same sleeping arrangements that they maintained back at their apartments. Naturally, Ouma slipped off to go explore rather than helping to set up the tents, given that physical effort, or effort in general, was not necessarily something he enjoyed.

He didn’t stray too far from the campsite, keeping it vaguely in his sight to ensure that he did not get lost. Aside from the obvious fact that there were many trees, bushes and rivers, Ouma unfortunately noticed that there were a lot of bugs. A quick shiver ran up his spine as he noticed a particularly large spider crawling dangerously close to him on the side of a tree, loosely triggering his fight or flight response as he jumped away. 

Ouma had never liked bugs, plain and simple. Especially not after the “insect meet and greet” during the simulation. Although it had been his idea in the first place, he never actually intended to get trapped in Gokuhara’s lab with a plethora of bugs, ultimately causing him to go unconscious. Shaking off the unpleasant memories and deciding that he had explored enough, Ouma turned to return to the campsite when he bumped into something tall and solid.

That’s weird… I would’ve remembered if there was a tree right behind me.

Rubbing his head and blinking wearily, Ouma hardly registered what was right in front of him.

“Gon- I’m so sorry!” Gokuhara’s voice sounded from in front of him, distinct and unmistakable. “Is Ouma-kun okay?!”

“Gonta…?” Ouma lifted his head to look at Gokuhara, but all he registered was a fuzzy image of said boy. “I’m fine… Geez, what were you even doing there anyway?” 

“I saw Ouma-kun looking at bug friend and wanted to join! Ouma-kun really does love bugs!” Gokuhara stated excitedly, eyes sparkling.

“Uh, sure… That’s one way to put it.” Ouma grimaced, trying but failing to fake a smile. “So I’m guessing you came out here to look for bugs?”

A flash of sadness flickered across Gokuhara’s face, brief yet still tangible. 

“Gonta was told his memories were fake…” He stared at the ground, expression faraway and unreadable. “But bugs make Gonta so happy! And-”

“Yeah, yeah, big guy. I didn’t ask for a sob story.” Ouma cut him off, dismissing his emotions. He knew where this conversation was going; One thing would lead to another and before they knew it they would be pouring out their emotions to one another, which was certainly not a conversation he wanted to have. Being semi-honest around Saihara was enough, but Gokuhara too? Ouma wasn’t sure he could handle that as well.

Not after what he did to him.

No, he didn’t deserve a happy ending with Gokuhara. Having Saihara accept him and forgive him was enough, he couldn’t burden another human being with his true intentions and emotions.

“Hello? Ouma-kun?” Gokuhara’s surprisingly gentle voice brought him back to reality, Ouma not even realizing that he spaced out.

“Well, that’s enough nature for me today! Guess I’d better head back now! See ya, Gonta!” Ouma tried excusing himself, but found himself being ignored as Gokuhara stared off into the distance with a determined expression on his face. “...Gonta?”

Much to Ouma’s surprise, Gokuhara took off into the woods, most likely running after a bug of some sort. He contemplated whether or not to leave him, but his worry got the better of him and he decided to chase after Gokuhara and bring him back to the campsite.

After running for much longer than he thought he would have to, Ouma finally found Gokuhara, who had the palms of his hands cupped together and was intently observing whatever he was holding. Just as Ouma was about to speak, a red dragonfly fluttered out of Gokuhara’s hands who, rather than giving chase, said his goodbyes to his new friend.

“Oh, Ouma-kun! You came!” Gokuhara cheered excitedly. “Did you see-”

“Yes, I saw your new bug friend.” Ouma stated after catching his breath. “Come on, let’s…”

Ouma cut himself off this time, staring into the expanse of the area around them. He must’ve ran farther than he thought, having found himself on the edge of the woods. Looking past the last few trees and bushes, he saw...

“Ouma-kun? Is everything okay?” Gokuhara tried to grab his attention, to no avail.

Snapping out of his daze, Ouma turned his attention back to Gokuhara, who was anxiously hovering over him. Rather than responding, he simply smiled to himself.

This trip was about to get a whole lot better.

[happypeachwhispers]

Fries Meet Guys: ALEX HØGH ANDERSEN - I DIDN'T THINK I WAS A PERSON WHO SHOULD TALK ABOUT ANXIETY - Part Two: Performing, Friendship

Thank you for your patience, here’s the long awaited part two! Are you crying, cause I’m crying. He’s such a profound human being.

Taglist: @ivarsrideordie @tgrrose @shannygoatgruff @youbloodymadgenius @boltslightning @alexein13 @ivaraddict @jupiter-sagittarius

PART ONE HERE

PARTS THREE TO EIGHT

I was all over the place, like I always am, after all, and I enjoyed that experience a lot, it filled something inside of me. I always knew I needed something else. I sure was a pain in the ass for many people, but then I met a whole group of people just like me and I learned what acceptance means. What was percieved as “different” in my daily life became normal and I felt at home. I was certainly the most determined one, the first time at the Eventyrteatret I was the only one of 50 kids in the room who didn't live in Copenhagen and had to take a long trip to get there. It was so crazy and chaotic. It was so strange that they sang and danced, and then they all danced in sync into a song they prepared for the annual performance. Well, back then I thought it was weird, but a month went by and it became completely normal for me. “I'm one of you”.

It was a new experience. You suddenly started singing and dancing in Copenhagen, how was that recieved back at home in Skælskør?

I think it took some time for the people I used to hang out with to understand that. I have to say I may remember feeling a little bit out of place. But it also has to be said, I've always been pretty comfortable in school, honestly. I have never been the one who has been so unpopular or I have struggled extra hard, I think. So it was, maybe, a little bit difficult. It might have been hard for me not to be accepted anymore because I was accepted before. Their point of view wasn't the big challenge for me, I actually think it was more an internal challenge with myself, I could feel there was a completely different world. I didn't know anything about it but I just made room for myself and I discovered there was a part of me I had no idea was there in the first place.

Was it difficult to maintain frendships in school when you were busy driving back and forth between Skælskør and Copenhagen?

It has actually not been that bad in primary school. But I have to say in high school, yes, it was. I have some friends from high school I talk to every now and then, but no, I didn't maintain any close friendship. I basically lived a double life throughout high school, where I was either at the Eventyrteatret or I was shooting the advent calendar in Aalborg. So I was pretty much not there, my social life was in Copenhagen. I had a girlfriend there too. I just didn't feel the need for a social life in Skælskør. And the free time I had was pretty much all absorbed by my profession.

I think we can all relate.

Yes but usually Danish kids in high school when they have free time they wanna party, that's what happens when you're part of a group of friends in high school.

We have had some other guests in the studio who have had very different experiences. How is your situation friendship-wise in school at this point?

I had some friends in high school, in my class and in other classes, absolutely. But I spent almost all the time with the group of friends in Copenhagen, so I was not influenced by my high school mates and their choices that much. I've felt a lil bit different because I've had a double life. I mostly had different group of friends in relation to the activity I shared with them. The group of friends I acted with, the group I went to college with and then a small group I talk to from time to time mostly individually.

Do you have both female and male friends?

Yes, I do. I would say I have more male friends tho. It's a mixed bunch of ordinary people, both women and men.

Is the way you communicate with your female friends different from the way you communicate with your male friends?

Definitely. You have to be more of a listener, I'm pretty good at listening, I think you have to adapt and communicate in a different way based on who is in front of you. See, with men you talk a certain way, that sort of street style if you will.  It comes natural because that's the way you talk to each other since the first day you met. But when you have in front of you people who are pretty cool and you have to impress them, you just have to do this and that, and that's what it's needed. But I would like to be able to be honest, always. And it's not hard at all, I’ve been really good at surrounding myself with some really, really pleasant people. I can afford to be myself at all times and they can be one hundred percent themselves with me.

What does it mean to be your authentic self for you?

It means that one can afford to have not only a good day but also a bad one. To be able to be stupid and not have to be slaughtered for it. I can be weird and crazy and say some stupid things without having to go half an hour afterwards and hit myself in the head. These are little things that are so insanely hard to find. I'm very lucky. I can pretty much talk about everything with them, we are very very honest with each other. In January, I was in Tenerife with three of my friends, and we brought along our stories in the luggage. I was suffering from anxiety and I had a sore stomach, it lasted four months, I was finally getting better. Another friend of mine, he's extreme. The love game hits him immensely. The other one suffers from depression. He generally has a hard time figuring out what he wants and what he doesn't existentially. And then we have number four, thank God, he doesn't have the same big problems. He holds us all together. It was a great experience, I remember us four sitting around the table and talking while eating pizza with shrimps. We sat for three or four hours talking non-stop about nothing but our problems that one could imagine they are extremely taboo for other groups.

Did sharing with each other give you something on an emotional level?

Oh yes, absolutely. We support each other by sharing and it's awesome to have people you trust so much to share such personal issues with. And so I think in 2019 in today's Denmark, that's what it means to be a man. To be able to comprehend people and understand. I see instead a lot of carelessness and stereotypes.

Didn't you encounter those qualities in other men, as an adult?

No, not at all. It's not about stereotypes. We have just as many problems as everyone else and we are extremely worried about it financially and emotionally. Anxiety. Social education, existential issues. It can be anything. All my friends, all the people I have in my life, they all have problems to a greater or lesser degree. Absolutely. But that's what it means to be human. And that's what it means to be a man. It means you are making mistakes, you are imperfect. You are a fool, and you must be allowed to be a fool, and you will also stand on your own. You're going to hurt other people because you're human. But you must also be forgiven, and you must also be able to forgive. You just need care and understanding.

Were you able to find the care and understanding you need?

Alex groans – Yes and no.

Do I have to change subject?

Alex laughs – No, it's ok. I am open to recieve care. It's just that I stress a lot about my mistakes, your head plays games with you and you just have to survive.

You can't control everything you can handle, what a funny paradox. You describe yourself as a person who likes to take up a lot of space and fill a lot. And then I also sense that when it comes to emotions, for example, to take a seat and ask for help, then it's a whole different thing.

Yes, that's true. I don't know, I'm fucking complicated and I don't know how to handle it at all. I believe in nature and creativity. I have always had a lot of willpower and then I had my mother showing me the right path, then you grow up and learn to control yourself. But I have a hard time talking about it. I told you, I don't know. Yes, I am a human being who goes through a lot and thinks such extremely deep thoughts, I put all that in my creativity, in my work. That helps me. Then I have moments when I'm completely wrapped in my own thoughts, but I think, generally, I'm a relaxed person. I do my very best just not to do all that thinking and that takes a lot of effort. I won't let those thoughts get under my skin because I know all too well that it's not good for me.

END PART TWO

Ask me in messages if you wanna be tagged // Feel free to like, comment and share, thank you!

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

PLAY SMART

Che “Taza” Romero x Reader

Word count: 3.1k

Thanks to my lovely beta reader @chibsytelford 💘

Author comments: Another crazy idea. I hope you all enjoy. Gif isn't mine, credits to the author.

Tag list: @starrynite7114 ​ @chibsytelford ​ @dazzledamazon ​ @mara-mpou ​ @sammskellington ​ @gemini0410 ​ @1-800-imagines ​ @briana-mishell24 ​@sassymox @whyisgmora @aquamento @sadeyesgf @viviansafizada @samcrobae @jade770 @witchy-wish @rebel-without-cause-x @arveeee ✨ (if you wanna be tagged, send me a message!)

Adjusting the green shirt to your chest, you go out of the clubhouse followed by Creeper drinking a coffee on a cardboard cup. You’re walking faster with your gaze on the front, directly to the car scrapping. It supposed that you should start in one hour, but if you arrive earlier, you can also leave earlier. You don’t want to see Taza after what happened last day, when his ex-wife came to the workshop because her car was having problems with the engine. She talked you as if you were a servant, or something like that, so you couldn't shut up and spoke to her in a sarcastic tone that she didn't like. Of course, she told Taza. At first, you didn’t care, until you saw how they said goodbye, with so much love and affection. Gilly told you that they have been married for almost fifteen years and that she was back to town indefinitely. It was like a shoot straight to your heart.

You aren’t nothing, but for the last months there has been a flirt environment installed between both, always pulling and loosening. But with his ex-wife in Santo Padre and by the way she had of touching him constantly, you know that what you wanted so bad it’s not going to happen. So you’re trying to not match with him. And that hurts. The only thing you can do it’s work and go home. No Mayans parties, no more nights at the clubhouse and no more rides back home on Taza’s bike. You can’t fight with a woman who knows him since ever and who was married with him for too many years. You didn’t know that something like that could happen, he didn’t talk you about her and it seems like it was a surprise for him too.

“Dammit, mama, you look like shet’”. Angel’s confused voice pushes you back to reality, making you shake your head for an instant.

“I didn’t sleep last night”. You shrug your shoulders and arms.

Messed bump, eye bags, no makeup and the shoelaces untied. You sigh after having a look of yourself, leaning down to tie them. The sun seems to disappear, raising your gaze surprised till you find your boss’ eyes, crossing his arms over his chest covered by leather. You swallow quietly, licking your inner lip before continuing with your task. 

“Everything ok?” You ask playing fool, hiding your nervous voice for a while.

“I don’ know, everything ok?”

“Yea’, I just… start earlier ‘cause I need to go to Santa Madre”.

“Sure. Why you didn’t come to the ranch last night?”

“Last night? What hap— Oh! Oh!”

Taza raises both eyebrows, while you still playing the innocent one palming your forehead.

“Shit, I forgot the Mayan dinner...” Clicking your tongue, you snort heavy.

“Let me tell you something, (Y/N)”. Facing you with hardly two inches between both, he leans above your ear provoking you some chills. “Soy un perro muy viejo, para que un cachorro me intente engañar”. (I'm a very old dog, and a puppy can't lie to me”.

“I forgot it”. You insist. “I was tired and I fell asleep on the sofa”.

“Look at your face”. The man says without changing his position. “Not everything is what it seems”.

“Ok, boss. I get it”. 

Taza doesn't say anything else, hitting his shoulder against yours to pass you away. Rubbing it you turn to the oldest rolling your eyes. Creeper and Angel are staring at you, trying to understand what is happening, but you don't wanna talk about it. Work and go home, that's all you want. The Reyes, putting an arm on your shoulders, shake his head disappointed 'cause he's starting to know what's going on having all the clues on the table.

Going upstairs to the office, you hug Chuckie as soon as you see him, asking for the hours signature quadrant. Your turn is already finished and completed and you also have the afternoon free, so you could rest the time you didn't last night thinking about the things that it's not going to happen, driving you crazy. Leaving the car scrapping' shirt in your hanger, you grab the helmet next to your bag, ready to leave. 

And she's there again. You can see her from the top of the stairs, hugging your boss and kissing his cheek as you used to do it. You're going downstairs slow, concentrated on not looking like you're jealous. Yes, you two were nothing, but you feel some kind of things that you would like not to feel right now. Taking off your phone of the pocket, you dissemble when he catches you looking at them, walking towards your motorbike to put the helmet on. 

“Wait a second”. You hear some meters away, while your sitting on your bike. “Eh, (Y/N)!”

You want to make that you didn't listen his call, but it would be too evident, so Taza waits for you to reversing and stop again. 

“I'm sorry for the hit”.

“Yeah, it was rude”.

“Are you hurry?”

“Yeah, a little”.

“When will you back at home, ah?”

“I don't kn... Why it feels like I'm talking to my father?”

“Because you're so fuckin' annoyin'”.

“Great, thanks. Another bullshit, Taza?”

“You know what? Fuck off”.

“Yeah, pretty one”. Rolling your eyes, containing the tears in them, you turn the engine to run away from the front yard.

Bishop texted you about four pm to tell you that Yuma and Stockton charters were coming to Santo Padre by night, so they're having a party and he needs you along with EZ to attend the bar. That's precisely what you were avoiding to do, be at the clubhouse more time than necessary. But guessing that you should work just for two or three hours accompanied doesn't seems a big trouble to deal with. So you're in.

Driving you car, 'cause it's gonna be easy to come back home after the party, you reach the car scrapping parking there so your Camaro will be safe in case that anyone decided to start a friendly fight. They usually do, for no reason. Last time, your motorbike suffered the consequences, even if they took care of the fixed. Walking betwixt a lot of crap mountains, your steps go straight to the green main door with mayans symbols finding the crowded yard. Stockton are already there, mixed with the Santo Padre' ones. EZ whistles you, claiming for your attention with that charming smile he always have on his face. You greet the guys raising your chin for a second, whilst going close to the prospect.

“Take the Jose Cuervo in the warehouse, I'm on my way for beers”.

“Okay”. You nod then, turning to the right and guiding your legs to the huge metallic structure by a side of the clubhouse. 

Grabbing the trolley at the entrance, you walk towards the end of the warehouse to leave it there, so you can place five boxes on it. Bishop calls to the door, even if it's opened asking you for come in without words. He walks in, closing it and resting his body against a shelving.

“You ok, kid?”

“Yea', just a bad night, prez”. You nod showing a soft and fleeting smile, presing the low rod of the trolley leaning to you and putting im by the two wheels.

“You didn' came to the dinner”.

“I'm sorry, I forgot it”.

“Did you?”

Leaving a sigh on air, you don't know what to say, pursing your lips as you place your gaze in nowhere.

“I saw you… kinda arguing with Taza this morning. Twice”.

“I—”.

“You know you can talk to me, rai'?” He sounds serious, crossing his arms.

“I just… made some illusions. The kind that fuck you down, when you realize that they're… just that. Illusions”.

“I know what you're talkin'bout. Play smart, kid. You're not stupid”.

Might be the best advice someone could give you, and you know you should. But sometimes, you can't simply do it. After leaving you there, you continue your walk to the clubhouse, going upstairs carefully with the tequila boxes. Opening the door with a push of your back, EZ notices you ready to help you. When everything is placed, the prospect offers you a shirt with the Mayans logo to change it for yours. Like somekind of uniform.

Once you're wearing it, you walk outside to receive the Yuma charter, hugging Canche as soon as he sees you.

“What's up, chamaca?”

“Not much, just another party working, not enjoying”.

“When you finish, make a place fo' me in your busy schedule. I need some help with my bike”. He says placing a hand on your shoulders, so you can follow him to his men to greet them too.

“Sure! I'll let you know when I'm done”.

A car coming calls your attention, turning under Canche's grip, to find the owner.

“What the hell…? Isn't that Taza's ex-wife?”

“Yep”.

“What she doin'ere?” The president asks you confused.

“Don' know. Ask her ex-husband”. You answer with a singing voice and both eyebrows raised.

“That bitch fucked him up”.

“Did she…?”

“Yea', I heard something 'bout a one-night-stand with a Vato. Oscar told us”.

“But they seems so close”.

“Taza is a good man, you know him”.

“Yea'...”

Pursing your lips at the man, you shrugs before start with your tasks of serve beers and tequila shot for everyone there, with EZ help. You can't help but thinking about that woman who came from nowhere with some kind of clear intentions, and now you're understanding was what Bishop trying to tell you. “Play smart”. So you will. Grabbing the coldest beers and putting them on a tray, you carry them to the first picnic table outside, where the main members of your charter are sitting. Leaving there, one for each one, you sit close to the Padrino who puts an arm around your waist.

“You look good in that shirt, kid”. He says proud, having a look from top to down. Since you started to work there, he has been the most gentle man on earth with you and it's something to be thankful for. “How's your week goin'? Didn' see you last night”.

“Tired week, need to rest, padrino”.

“You look like. Are they treating you good, or taking advantage that you're so helpful, ah?”

“To be that ‘helpful’ you have to show some respect first”. You hear that irritating feminine voice behind your back, before she appears in front of your eyes with a hand on Taza's left shoulder.

“Take off that Vato's dick of your mouth, before talking about my kid”. Padrino's voice is calm and peaceful, surprising you about it, and creating an uncomfortable silence on the table. 

You're fucking done. Done in a good mood, 'cause well, no one piss off padrino's kid. Palming his back, you get up of your seat to grab the tray and go back to work, as soon as Oscar claims your attention to ask for some beers. At least, now you know what happened, even if you're trying to figure what's she doing here. Not for you, but for Taza. Because she doesn't deserve someone like him, not after what she did. Double disloyalty. And that's screwing you more than you thought.

Even if it's something that it's in your head all the time, you make sure that doesn't influence in your work, letting it for later. And when you're already finished with it, leaving EZ with the rest, you go straight to Canche. As soon as you're done with him too, you can be close to Taza to make it up to him because of your paranoia. And so you do, sharing the same table with a beer in your hand. You don't know why his ex-wife continue there, but you don't care. Not anymore. Sitting in front of him, again by padrino's side and Bishop at the other, you try to get in the conversation. Easy task 'cause they're talking about a travel coming soon, and they need your help to check the motorcycles before leaving.

“Okay, I can do it tomorrow evening. Just leave me the keys at the office”. You say then supporting both forearms on the table, nodding for a while. “So, gas, oil and pressure… Yeah, it's fast to do'et”.

“Can you check my bike's direction? I think it's a little bit turned to the left”. Taza says then, and you know that's only a excuse to talk with you. Like, right now.

“Is it?” You hesitate, raising an eyebrow before having a sip of your drink, getting up of your bench.

“Yea', and the brake is a little hard. I think EZ squeezed too much”. He's getting up too, letting go the uncomfortable grip of his ex-wife.

“Okay, let's see”.

He walks next to you, offering you the keys so you can turn on his bike. Pressing softly the gas, to do the same with the brake. It's not. But seems like he wants to leave the yard, at least, for some minutes.

“I have the tools in my car”. You say then, turning of the engine to push the handlebar so you can make it moves. 

Going down the alley, with the Vicepresidente behind your back smoking a cigar, you reach the Camaro. You don't have any tools on it, but you really want to hear what he wants to tell you. So you simply leave the motorbike parked, next to your car, and resting your body sitting on it giving him the keys.

“She asked me to stay at the ranch”. He says then, keeping them inside one of his pockets. Sounds like you should reply something, but you'll not. It's his house, not yours. “I don' know what she doin'ere. But I don' even care”.

“Good for you, Taza”. You shrug with pursed lips.

“Let's be clear, kid. We're nothing”.

“Okay, I'm done with this bullshit”. You laugh loud getting up from his bike, and shaking your hands, trying to hide the bitterness and looking for the control remote of your car.

“Listen, listen”. Catching you by your left wrist, he stops your moves.

“It's fuckin' okay, Taza. You don' have to give me any explanation. I'm not your... fuckin' wife, nor your fuckin' girl. I get it. But let me tell you something. It's fucking grievous seeing a woman how fucked you up with a fuckin' Vato, trying to get back what she lost. And you, let her doin'et. You deserve good things, and you should love and respect yourself a little more”.

“Well, than'ya' for your kindly words. But I'm not letting her doin' nothen'. And I also talk her 'bout you”.

“Seems like she doesn' give a f— You did what?” Narrowing your eyes and letting you go, you cross your arms on the chest.

“We're nothing, but I would like to be something”. He clarifies you. “I asked her to leave and just came to pay what we fixed in her car. She stayed for a beer”.

“Yes, close of his ex-husband”.

“Focus on the fact I wan'to be with you, and not with her. Think about'e”.

Taza leaves you there, alone, carrying his bike when seems like you don't know what to reply at this words. Sitting on the hood of your car and lighting a cigar between your lips, you have a long smoke that rips your throat and also your tongue. You're somewhat jealous, you can't help but trying to see the point of playing smart to mark somekind of territory without looking like he's a piece of meat. But with that kind of women, it's all you can do. 

Putting well your shirt on, after throwing away the cigar, you walk towards the front yard with hands in your pockets. Some ideas are dancing in your head, trying to choose the best way to deal with it. But when you see her, sitting again by his side, and trying to hug him… Good lord, you can't help but losing your modals and your gentle mood. 

“Che, take me home”. You just say, stopping in front of the crew.

“Haven't you a car, ah?” She asks raising her chin somewhat proudly, grabbing the Vice's arm between hers.

“Haven't you a Vato's dick to suck, instead of annoying everyone around you?”

God, those words come from the depths of your soul. Making the guys chuckle as she gets up full of rage.

“Watch your mouth, niña. You don' know who I am”. Pointing your chest with a finger once and again.

“Yea', looks like I don' give a shit that I don' even know your name”. You face her, not afraid. “Southern border is close, come back to your hole, whore. You don' have anything to do here”.

“Did you ju—”.

“Shit, yes, I did”. You roll your eyes, being fast enough to avoid the slap straight to your face.

El padrino takes you back, as Bishop and Angel go to her before she can try it again.

“You heard her, go back to southern border”. Taza says placing himself between both, turning then to hold your forearm and leave the front yard.

You don't say anything into your way to his motorbike, putting on the helmet as he turns it on. Grabbing his waist with your hands, he runs out of the clubhouse. You know he's mad. You can feel the tension on his body, driving the road he knows by heart to your house, taking his time as he looks like he's thoughtful.

When he stations the bike in front of your house, so you can jump off of it, you keep his gaze.

“'You gonna leave?” You ask him a little bit nervous, taking off the helmet to supporting it against your abdomen.

“'Don' know. What you want?”

Hesitating for a second, you take a step closer placing a hand on his nape, to press your lips on his. It's the first time you two kiss, after some weeks wanting it. He pulls you away, thinking that you screwed it up, until you see him getting up to leave behind his back the motorbike. Cupping your cheeks on his huge hands, Taza kisses you again. Tangling your fingers in the flannel shirt to push him closer, your lips move alone on his. It's better than you could imagine, tasting the tequila in his saliva and beer in yours. A perfect mix. 

“So, are you gonna stay?” You almost beg between short and dearly kisses, finding yourself walking to your house, giving your back at it.

“Fuck, yes, baby”. He nods lifting you up, so you can surround his body with your legs.

[riseofnightwing]

Days Gone; Dick Grayson| Ch2

summary: After Dick’s death, you faced the worst feeling during months: Grief. Day by day the pain grew inside your life and you had no expectations of being able to pass through that until someone appeared again bringing all of this down but still, a lot of things changed and even though you looked for answers, the turnaround that life brought you was gently welcomed.

pairing: Dick Grayson x y/n

warnings: angst.

prologue

previous chapter

wanna be tagged?

Living without Dick during these months has been the closest I got to hell itself. September, October, November, December and the last image of him saying goodbye still makes me wonder if it’s true the saying that god doesn’t give us more than we can take, because honestly, I’m not sure if I can take this any longer. 

I don’t know how much of myself have died in this time, but I surely can say that a little bit dies everyday, I get alright when the guys are around, Rachel, Jason, Donna, they tried to fix me and I feel a little less broken until I’m alone and lately..that’s all the time.

People often say that when someone dies, their image will fade away, bit by bit, from your mind, but it’s clearly an utterly lie, because Dick’s face only gets more and more real in my head, his voice and the gap in my heart everyday when I wake up and his side on the bed is still empty, yes..it is so  cruelly real to me. 

It was still morning, around 8 AM, when I got up. I took a shower and left to the closest coffee shop. I needed these caffeine doses to start my day, San Francisco was amazingly cold these days and coffee was more than necessary. 

Rachel loves it here, she was still asleep when I left and I couldn’t wake her up since she trained a lot yesterday, so I came alone. 

I ordered my doppio coffee and waited to receive it in the next county. 

“Y/n Grayson” the clerk called my name pointing that my order was ready. I’ve been using Dick’s nickname ever since we got married when we were younger, but hearing it would always remind me of him first. Because I always loved calling him like this when I was mad, or just pretending to be, I smiled to myself hearing my own thoughts. I was going to take a sip of my drink when I felt a hand on my shoulder and I instantly turned around to see who it was.

And for a minute, I wished I could have turned around slowly, because the image I saw in front of me made me dizzy, almost like I would fall on the ground. My hands shaked and the grip on the cup of coffee got loose.

I only realized that it hit the ground when the person in front of me looked down and so did I, following his look.

He had shaved hair and a scar on the side of his head which looked like a wing. And a look..this look that I would never forget, the same tiny and tight brown eyes that he had. I could only be crazy, maybe I’m seeing things, because this man looks exactly like.. Dick. 

He looked at me again, locking our looks and my legs trembled again.

 “Dick is dead Y/n, I’m sorry” 

“He got shot in the head, Y/n. I’m truly sorry. He’s gone” 

Bruce’s voice telling me he had died echoed in my head..it couldn’t be him, Dick died.

“Y/n—” the man spoke and hearing his voice was excruciating. Why does it sound exactly like my husband’s voice? “It’s me, Richard.”

No. Absolutely no. No fucking way.

“How's it even possible?” I spoke, almost inaudibly, shaking my head slowly, in disbelief.

“Can we talk?” he tried to reach my hand and in instinct I moved it away from him but maybe touching him was the only way to find out it wasn’t my mind playing tricks on me, so I did. I touched his hand and he was there, physically, in person, not less than that and for my relief: I wasn't crazy. 

My other hand covered my mouth and a lonely tear streamed down on my cheek, what was going on? I asked myself.

“Can we please talk? I— I need to talk to you.” he asked again and I nodded, still scared.

“Not here, please— I can’t” I snapped. I couldn��t do this here. He nodded.

“I have a place, can we?”

“Yes.” I said quickly, I needed to get out of there, I wasn’t ready for this.

--

Dick took us to a loft. It wasn’t far from where we were and took us almost 5 minutes to get here, it seemed so new, like he had just got here.

We got in the place in silence, no words were spoken since we left the coffee shop and I was still trying to breath and digest everything.

I entered what seemed to be the living room and he was right behind me.

“Y/n—” he said and I stopped. His voice calling me broke me in uncountable pieces, what did life expect from me? 

I turned around to face him and the tears took my vision again. 

“Richard.” I said his name.

“I’m here— I'm here, Y/n” he said and came closer. Dick took me into his arms and I cried my heart out.

He was back. 

I don’t know how many minutes I spent like this, crying on his chest, but he kept his chin on the top of my head.

“Look at me—” Dick asked “Please.”

I lifted my head and looked at him. He wiped my tears with his fingers.

“I’m afraid I’m truly crazy and hallucinating and—” I said.

“I’m not a hallucination, Y/n. You touched me, I’m real.” Dick said firmly but still soft, looking into my watered eyes.

“It’s too much for me to understand.” 

“Well, I’m not capable of explaining you a lot now, except for the things I remember, but I’ll try my best to make you understand, I promise.”

“What do you mean?” 

“Let’s sit here.” He led me to sit on the sofa in front of a fireplace, which made the place warmer.

I stood there looking at him, waiting to hear what he had to say, anxiously looking for an answer.

He half smiled looking at me, in his usual position, resting his elbows on his thigh, crossing hands.

“What’s so funny, Grayson?” 

“I thought that through all these months you’d have forgotten me.”

“Are you kidding me—You can only be kidding me.” I told him in disbelief 

“Alright, alright, I’m kidding. But the truth is..I don’t remember everything, to be honest, I don’t remember anything..But you.”

He looked at me and I couldn’t say anything, confusion took my look, I was perplexed, he didn’t remember anything.

“What happened in the night you died?” 

“I didn’t..they told me I got shot in an attempt to kill commissioner Gordon, the bullet that hit me was actually trying to hit him. They told me I lost a lot of brain tissue and my memory was compromised. So now I can’t remember anything and the only thing that’s alive enough in my mind for me to remember, it’s you.” He looked down.

“Oh my god, Dick..” 

“They call me Ric, Y/n..” they? Ric? what the hell.

“They?” I asked 

“The people who were treating me. The ones I ran off, my doctor..she was from the Court of Owls, she was trying to keep me there and my memory only got worse so I needed to leave,I— I couldn’t forget the only thing that remained.” 

“This is too much. I can’t imagine how you could deal with all of this.” 

“I couldn’t, I am not dealing, I’m running, I’m struggling because I can’t face it. But finding you is a sight of hope.” he said 

I got closer to Dick, Ric, It didn’t matter because my Richard was back. I hugged him and I couldn’t contain my emotion. He hugged me back, even stronger.

“I’m so sorry that you had to go through this all alone, It must have been terrifying.” I told him with one of my hands on his cheek.

“Would you believe if I told you that it feels a little better now?”

“Maybe, yeah” I smiled at him and he opened his bright smile. God, how I missed this, how missed him. “

“Sorry if I went into shock when I found out that you didn't die. I deserve some credit— You should be grateful that I didn't scream or run” I completed. 

Dick smiled. All the sensations that Dick used to cause me were still there, perhaps even more intense. The chill in the belly didn't seem to want to go away.

“Stop smiling, it's not funny at all”  That's what I said, he nodded and broke the smile, but the damn gleam in his eyes didn't go away. 

“Forgive me” Dick said, his intense, emotion-filled tone immediately caught my attention. His gaze held mine, in that familiar way of seeing the depths of his soul. Pure and intense. Sincere and...Passionate. 

I did not dare to interrupt him. Silently, I gave him the authorization to continue. 

“If I could have done everything differently, I would have found you before, just so I wouldn't see you suffer that way. It breaks my heart to see you like this and— to know that I am responsible. You are the last person in the world I would hurt, you know that. I would trade places with you without a second thought, if it were humanly possible.”

I pressed my lips together in a thin line and held a stubborn tear that wanted to escape from the corner of my eyes.

“There’s nothing to forgive, Richard, you got shot, you lost your memory and gratefully you still remember me.”

“Maybe now you see that all the times I told you you were unforgettable it was true.”

I smiled and looked down slightly shy.

“So cheesy, Grayson.”

“I didn’t come sooner because they were watching you.”

“They who?” 

“The court of owls”

“What— Why would they?” I was completely unable to understand this situation.

“That’s what I was trying to figure out before I left the clinic.” he sighed “Especially why they stopped watching you for three days. That's why I approached. I couldn't miss a chance. I've been trying to communicate with you for the past few months, but they just didn't give up. And I couldn't put you in risk, even if I had no idea what they wanted with you.”

I smiled at the end of his sentence.

“You have the incredible power of thinking about me even in the worst scenarios.” 

“Yeah, that’s your fault.”

“What?” I pretended to be mad 

“You heard me, that’s your fault that I can’t stop this, this unending feeling that no matter what’s going on, protecting you with my life will always be my duty. Your fault that I love you like this. Deal with this.” He had a sassy smile on his face and his sincerity made me melt.

I felt Dick's hands gently take my face, so I surrendered to the moment, because there was no reason not to. 

I let my touch feel his lips touching mine, and thanked the heavens for having another chance to kiss him. Because my flawed and ridiculous memory had almost forgotten how splendid it was to be in his arms, having his lips molded to mine, caressing every possible inch of her mouth. 

I had forgotten how wonderful it was to have Dick's strong hands caressing my cheeks, then reaching down to my neck and plunging into my hair, pulling it with the strength necessary to dictate the rhythm of the kiss and transform my desire into the purest essence of lust. 

I had forgotten the intoxicating sensation that it was to have Dick so close, that his perfume tame my nostrils, that his rigid and strong body made me feel protected from whatever harm the world might cause me. 

Because with Dick everything was complete. 

With Dick everything was just fine.

[rebelwrites]

Chapter Four: Red Put The Knife Down - Lola

As this is an original fic it is hard to tag, so I’d really appreciate it is you reblogged and shared with your friends and followers 🖤

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Falling For Red Masterlist

This Months Writing

“Maddox I swear on everything that is holy” I shouted “if you don’t get your fat ass off me I will shove the controller where the sun doesn’t shine and it won’t be pleasant”

“I don’t know Red, he might enjoy it” Nix smirked.

“Still not moving, she’s in my spot and she knows it” Maddox huffed. “It’s the best spot in the house”

“I don’t care, I'm not moving. I’m comfy now piss off” I smirked digging my elbow into his back making him growl.

My mood instantly dropped as Jacob strolled into the living room. The moment I saw his face I wanted to punch him, shoot him, stab him. He got under my skin and he fucking knew it. I think that’s why he was around so much because he was sick and twisted and more than likely got off to seeing me suffer.

“Blade what the fuck is your brother doing here?” I snapped, trying so hard not to reach for one of the many guns or knives hidden in this house.

“He is staying with us tonight” he said walking out the room.

“Did he just say what I think he said?” I asked, not to anyone in particular.

“I think he did Princess” Axel sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He knew things would end in blood. It always did.

“Maddox get off me” I snapped, shoving him off me, causing him to land on the floor with a thud. He knew what was good for him so he stayed silent.

“Why do you do this to me Blade?” I growled following him into the kitchen. Yes take him to the places with all the knives

“You know I don’t like him” I spat trying to remain calm.

“You used to be nicer Lola” Jacob sighed.

The boys could hear everything from the living room. But they were talking so loud I could hear them.

“Please tell me I just didn’t hear him call her Lola?” Maddox said, his eyes were proballybudging out of his head right now and Axel and Phoenix were already on their feet. Either way this was the distraction I needed to grab a large and extremely sharp butchers knife from the block.

“She is so gonna kill him” Axel sighed as they ran into the kitchen.

“Red put the knife down” Phoenix roared. “I don’t wanna have to clean blood out of the grout again”

I didn’t say anything, I just smirked just taking a step forward, twirling the knife in my hand.

“Fuck it” Axel mumbled as his body slammed me into the ground. “Princess, give me the knife god damn it”

“No” I snapped “why should I?” Just let me stab him!

“Because you are gonna stab him” Axel snapped.

Well duh!

“Damn right I am” I snarled, thrashing about under his body weight, but he was twice my weight so it was a struggle, however I didn’t stop, I knew I could overthrow his power, especially when I was this angry.

“Guys, a bit of help here” Axel shouted over his shoulder.

I knew Axel was strong but when I was enraged this much it alway took at least three of them to restrain me.

Within minutes I was being pinned down, by Axel, Nix and Maddox as they prised the knife out of my grip.

“Now Princess if we get off you, you promise not to do anything stupid” Axel whispered brushing his knuckles across my cheek, trying to calm me down. Normally it would work but not today.

“Define stupid?”

“Nix grab her” Maddox nodded as he got off me.

The moment I wasn’t being pinned down, Nix threw me over his shoulder.

“Put me down asshole” I screamed as he carried me through the house and to my room. I didn’t stop thumping his back, and I knew I would be leaving bruises, not that you would ever see it through the amount of ink he had. It wasn’t until I was thrown onto her bed Istopped screaming.

“Right get changed” Nix growled, throwing some clothes at me.

“Why?”

“Just do as I say and I won’t punch you” he said biting his tongue. “Please” he whispered.

“Fine where are we going?” I asked quickly, changing into the clothes he tossed in my face.

“To blow off some steam in a way other than sex” Nix said more calmly tossing my running trainers at my face.

“So a run then” I said, shoving my feet into the shoes without untying the laces.

“Yuup” Nix nodded “don’t worry I won’t get you up at five am tomorrow”

Without saying a word I stormed out of the room, and stomped downstairs, growling with each step I took, they all needed to know how pissed off I was.

“He best not fucking be here when I get back” I shouted pulling the front door open “if he is you will have a body to dispose of”

The front door slammed behind me, leaving the house in a deathly silence.

As soon as I got home, I stormed downstairs to the basement. I was still extremely pissed off and needed to punch someone or something. So I did the next best thing and was going to beat the shit out of a punch bag.

“Fucking piece of shit”

“No one calls me Lola”

“Lola was weak”

“Lola was pathetic”

“Lola is fucking dead”

“Princess” Axel whispered standing behind me.

“What” I growled, spinning around, narrowing my eyes at him.

“Brought you a drink” Axel smiled holding the bottle of water in the air.

“Thanks babe” I nodded, taking the bottle from him.

Axel didn’t say anything as he wrapped his arms around me placing a tender kiss on the top of my head.

“Stop it” he whispered “stop thinking of the past. It’s just gonna make you angrier”

“I can’t Ax” I mumbled resting her head against his shoulder. “It just reminds that I can’t run from the feeling of being weak and pathetic”

“We shall have less of that thank you” Axel said lifting my chin so he was looking into my green eyes. “You are far from weak and definitely not pathetic. Princess you are one of the best agents in this house and you give us all a run for our money”

“But-“

“Nope, not listening” he smirked “now come on come back upstairs, you know it’s movie night”

“Is he still here?” I asked.

“No, he and Blade have gone out” Axel smiled.

“I don’t want to, I want to stay down here,” I nodded. I knew I was acting like a child that had just been told no, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want to leave the home gym. At least I could punch things down here.

“Not even if I’ve told you I’ve ordered a Chinese?” He smirked, raising his brow at me knowing full well I would never turn down a Chinese.

“Did you order that crispy shredded chicken I like?” I asked, dropping my guard, reconsidering my options.

“I ordered three boxes of it” he smirked. “So are you coming back upstairs?”

“Do I get cuddles?” I pouted making him laugh.

“Yes Princess you get cuddles” Axel smiled.

“Deal”

Axel couldn’t help but smirk as he threw his arm around my shoulder as they headed back upstairs.

Yes I am a trained killer, I was deadly and a complete badass. But I also lived for cuddles off my boys and only they got to see the softer side of their Red.

@chibsytelford @everyhowlmarksthedead @talicat713 @little-diable @band--psycho @mrsmarvelous1995

[lochrannn]

Relationship: Diego Hargreeves/Lila Pitts  

Characters: Lila PittsDiego Hargreeves  

Additional Tags: Explicit Sexual Content; Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot; Porn with Feelings; Smut; Choking; Undernegotiated Kink; but with ongoing negotiation; everything is explicitly consesual

-

Lila has never told Diego that the hottest thing about sleeping with him is the way he looks at her.

That’s not quite accurate, really, the whole endeavour is stupidly sexy because Diego is built like a tank, but limber in a way you wouldn’t necessarily expect from someone of his size, and he is always eager to please and prove himself.

That she has actually mentioned to him. How it feels just a little bit like he’s in competition with himself sometimes. She didn’t tell him because she has any real objections, she is the beneficiary of this habit, after all, she just worries for his sense of self-worth sometimes.

Diego walks around with a confident swagger and a fuck you attitude, but late at night in bed, when he’s sure she can’t see his face, he tells her about the humiliations he suffered under his father and how much it actually did hurt to be kicked out of the police academy.

Nevertheless, he inevitably sulked for a couple of days and when they had sex the next time, he tried his best to be as lazy about it as possible. It was so silly that it made Lila crack up and that, in turn, cracked Diego and they spent the rest of the evening seeing how little effort they could put in and still get each other off. It was so stupid but it’s become one of Lila’s fondest memories.

And even that time, when they finally sank into each other, he looked at her like she had hung the moon, like she was someone worth worshipping.

That’s also how he’s looking at her now.

Soft, full lips slightly parted, his warm brown eyes big and round and full of emotion. Lila can’t look away.

Diego’s staring up at her where she’s sat straddling him, undulating her hips slowly, and she can’t resist squeezing her pelvic muscles just to watch his eyes slip closed and a soft groan fall from his mouth.

His grip tightens where he has one hand on her bum and his other hand that’s splayed out on her belly pushes against her a little harder and the sudden added friction and pressure inside her make Lila’s thigh muscles spasm and she involuntarily lifts herself up and tips forward just a bit, a moan on her lips.

When she catches her breath and looks back at Diego, she sees how just the slightest hint of smugness has snuck into his expression so she sits back down on him hard, making them both gasp, but this time he doesn’t close his eyes, instead keeping his penetrating gaze on her and fuck if it’s not the hottest sight she’s ever seen.

Diego moves his hand up her body as they lazily continue rocking against each other, savouring the moment.

He splayes his hand out over her ribs, then moves it further up to cup her breast, catching her nipple between two fingers and squeezing them together, causing a delicious sting to zing along Lila’s nerve endings.

She bites her bottom lip and moans again softly and hears a rush of a breath leaving Diego’s mouth that sounds distinctly like a curse, but maybe it’s a prayer.

Lila still can’t believe that during what ended up being one of the most tumultuous and tragic weeks of her life she also forged what has now become the most intimate connection she’s ever experienced.

And despite everything she put him through when they first met, he trusts her unconditionally. And Lila’s never trusted anyone as deeply as she does Diego. Even when she still believed in her mother, she knew the woman always had an angle, that she could never trust her fully. But not Diego, he’s never been anything but honest with her.

Lila often wonders whether she tells him enough just how much that means to her.

That thought sparks an idea and without ceasing her movements she grips Diego’s wrist, pulling his hand away from her breast and then she puts it to her throat and covers it with her other hand.

Diego freezes. “What are you doing?” A small crease appears between his eyebrows.

Lila is suddenly unsure of herself and tries not to let too much of the defensiveness that boils up in her come out when she says, “What does it look like?” with a bit of a sarcastic smirk.

Diego’s features don’t relax and instead he says, “Lila, I don’t… I don’t know if this is a good idea.” His long fingers flutter just a little under hers, but he doesn’t pull his hand away.

Ok, so they should have probably talked this out beforehand and Lila regrets acting on the spur-of-the-moment just a bit, but they’re here now and it’s not uncommon for them to just have a full blown conversation in the middle of having sex. They usually just pick up where they left off once they’ve sorted out whatever has come up.

It’s not like Diego should be particularly worried about her, either. She’s a Commission trained assassin. They’ve even fought each other often at his gym and quite brutally at that. But Lila has to concede that outside of the ring, Diego has never touched her with anything but gentleness and care.

Maybe she’s never fully considered how important that is to him.

She tries to lighten the mood, “Oh c’mon, it’s not like anything can happen, I’ll just tap into your whole not-breathing thing and I’ll be fine!” she smiles at him brightly, hoping that will reassure him.

His concerned expression turns into one of confusion. “That’s not how this works,” he says, cocking his head to the side where he’s lying against the pillow.

“It’s not about restricted airflow, it’s about cutting off blood circulation to the brain.” As he says that, Diego strokes his thumb along the underside of her jaw, pressing ever so slightly into her jugular.

Lila’s breath hitches maybe a bit out of surprise and a lot out of excitement and she drops the hand that was covering his down to his chest and rubs his pec seductively, “You know an awful lot about this,” she says, putting on a sultry voice, and gives him a wicked smile.

Diego considers her for a moment then chuckles and says, “I learned how to choke out grown-ass men when I was seven and I bet you weren’t any older. Don’t bullshit me, I know you know how this works!"

“See, so we both know what we’re doing. Nothing to worry about, then!” She gives him another smile, a more innocent one now, she’s pretty certain she’s brought him round anyway.

“You really wanna do this, huh?” Diego asks and brings his other hand back around to lay it over hers where she still has it resting on his chest.

“Uh-huh! I trust you Diego!” Lila says as earnestly as possible.

There’s a flutter in her stomach and she’s suddenly reminded that Diego’s still been inside her this entire time. Yeah, she’s been thinking about trying something like this out for a while, but it’s also true that it’s never even occurred to her with anyone else. She would never have been able to let her guard down like this. Now she craves the vulnerability.

“Okay,” Diego responds, his voice a bit breathy, maybe a tad overwhelmed, but he’s clearly willing to give her this. “But you keep your hand around my wrist, alright? And if your grip loosens cause you’re about to pass out, I stop! And if you say anything that sounds in any way like stop, I let go, okay? We’re not picking a word or whatever, anything that isn’t a clear keep going, I stop!”

“Yeah okay!” Lila concedes. She feels like Diego is mostly reassuring himself, but she is grateful for him to be setting his own boundaries.

“Okay,” Diego repeats and his fingers on her throat flutter once more before they tighten just a bit right under her jaw. That’s the thing, it doesn’t actually take a lot of pressure.

Lila uses the hand she still has on his chest for balance and lifts herself up a few inches, before dropping back down and they both moan at the sensation.

It doesn’t take them long to find a rhythm and Lila can feel her arousal building more and more.

Diego’s not taken his eyes off her face once, as if he’s afraid that he could miss any sign of her discomfort.

Lila, in turn, can’t look away from him, either, because again he’s looking at her like she’s something fragile, something worth protecting, things she doesn’t believe about herself at all, but she loves that Diego does, and it makes her heart stutter in her chest.

But soon she realises that she’s getting a bit light-headed, losing focus, that her movements are getting slower, disjointed.

Diego’s apparently noticed the same thing because he stops rolling his hips up into her and loosens his grip on her throat.

“You okay?” he asks.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” Lila says. She smiles at him and hopes that he’s reassured even if it comes on just a bit slowly.

“You wanna stop?” Diego asks then, completely letting go of her throat and resting his hand at the base of her neck.

“No, c’mon, I’m okay!” Lila replies, trying not to whine. She can’t really put it into words, but the feeling she’s experienced in the last couple of minutes was weird, sure, but new and hot and she just wants to see how far she can take this, how much more turned on she can get. “Grip on your wrist’s still strong, see!'' She squeezes his wrist to demonstrate.

“What’s it like?” Diego asks almost conversationally and Lila chuckles in surprise.

“It’s good! It’s a bit weird as well, but it’s mostly good. I don’t know how to describe it. I’m sure you’ve been choked out before, you know what that feels like.” she tries to explain.

“Yeah never like this, though, and usually not for this long,” Diego shoots back his brow creasing a bit.

“I really am okay, Diego!” Lila says emphatically. “I'm just finding it a bit hard to focus, but please don’t stop!”

Diego sighs heavily, gives her a curt nod, and then, taking her entirely by surprise, he rolls them over so that he’s on top, only keeping some of his weight off her, propped up on one elbow, the other arm on her chest, hand back around her throat.

“I’ve really gotta do everything around here, huh?” he says with the hint of a smirk, eyes crinkling a bit, and then thrusts into her hard.

It doesn’t take long for Lila to see stars, but somehow the restricted blood flow to her brain now has the opposite effect from before. Now that she’s no longer under any strain to keep herself upright her focus zeroes in on all of the ways Diego’s making her delirious with pleasure.

The stretch and burn of where he’s pushing into her. The way his pelvis occasionally rubs against her clit. His forearm resting between her breasts, putting pressure on her lungs, making it even harder to breath, yet that actually turns her on still more.

The squeeze on her throat, just enough to keep her on the edge, but not enough to actually hurt. Somehow, what should evoke memories of violence and fear in her, feels like the most gentle caress when it's Diego's fingers.

She's clinging onto him, gripping his forearm with both hands and her thighs are pressed against his hips, barely giving him room to move.

And most of all she’s almost driven to distraction by the way he has his lips right up to her ear, gruff voice whispering filthily about how well she’s taking him, how much he loves her, how tight she feels, and how hot it is that she’s trusting him to do this to her.

And then Diego uses his flexibility to pull one of his knees up beside her hip, pressing her thigh into her stomach with his own, changing the angle so he’s hitting spots so deep inside her, and all of a sudden it’s too much for Lila to hold on, as a blinding orgasm rips through her, making her whimper. She squeezes her eyes shut and can vaguely feel tears slip out of the corners as she comes. Her whole body tenses and shivers with the intensity and in the end she does lose her grip on Diego’s wrist and his hand instantly disappears from her throat, but she remains breathless all the same.

She feels his elbow settle just next to her head. He slots his lips over hers for a deep, messy kiss while he continues to fuck her through her orgasm, as she scrabbles at his sides for any kind of purchase. And her muscles are still contracting when he finally comes inside of her with a grunt and one last punishingly hard thrust that rips a sob from her throat.

Lila hasn’t opened her eyes since she first collided with her release, so, panting heavily and going off of feel alone, she puts her hands to either side of Diego’s face, in a way he will often do with her, and drags her thumb along his bottom lip where she can feel his breath rushing in and out fast as well.

Their bodies are still pressed so tightly together that Lila can feel his heart racing in his chest, mirroring her own.

Diego then lets out a shaky exhale, kisses the pad of her finger and rolls off her.

He loses no time in gathering her up in his arms and dragging her to rest half on top of him.

Lila finally opens her eyes as Diego begins stroking her hair and kissing the corners of her eyes, presumably to erase the slight damp patches her tears left there.

“You okay?” he whispers into her hair, his voice still not quite steady.

“Yeah,” she breathes out, “Fuck, yeah, definitely okay. More than okay, really!” Then she adds, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah… Jesus, that was intense, but I’m good,” he mumbles against her cheek and Lila laughs gently at the way his stubble tickles her face. Then he goes on, “Fuck, Lila, I love you so much, you know that, right?”

“So you keep saying,” she says with another gentle chuckle and a yawn, as she lays her face in the crook of his neck, but apparently Diego’s not quite ready to let her drift off as he lifts her up slightly by her shoulders, so he can look her in the eyes. He doesn’t even say anything, just stares at her imploringly, so she brings up her hand to his cheek and says, “I love you too, you old sap. Can’t even dick down and choke out your girlfriend without making it romantic!”

She only catches the beginning of his smile because then she presses her lips to his for one more languid kiss before she settles back down on his chest.

They will clean up later, but for now she’d just like to bask in her post orgasmic bliss for a bit.

[brooklynboysficrecs]

could you rec your favourite angst ff?

Whoo boy. Okay. So, let me just say that I actually don't like a lot of angst -- which seems counterintuitive for someone in this fandom, I suppose, but it's the truth. When I first got into stucky I read pretty much anything that seemed interesting, and only really honed my tastes after like two years of having my heart broken by every single canon-verse fic out there. Point being, I have some really good Angst Fest recs, but most of them are, unsurprisingly, canon-verse. If you'd like more AUs I can definitely add to this list, because it is by no means the end-all, be-all of angsty stucky fics, but let me know?

Anyway. Some of these I haven't read more than once because they hurt me so badly BUT I bookmarked them because they're insanely good. Just. Watch the tags, and if you need a more in-depth description on why these broke me emotionally, I can certainly provide that.

Also, this does include my current favorite (As Time Goes By), but again, this is just scratching the surface and I could list another... 20 fics. I might, honestly, that’d be a fun post, just listing all the fics that hurt me. Something to put on the backburner.

Flicker by Cinderstrato. Canon-divergent with an original spin on how Civil War went down, seeing as it was written before the author saw the movie. Personally, I think it’s a good alternative, and it is honestly part of the reason why I saw a completely different path Steve could’ve taken in Endgame, but I digress. Much angsting from both Steve and Bucky in this one, and it is painful seeing Steve struggling in this one, not gonna lie. Great fic, though, 10/10 would let it hurt me again.

Out of the Dead Land by orphan_account. I didn’t actually realize the author had orphaned their account ‘cause I have this one saved on my phone from when they still used their username. This one features androids and Bucky’s ever-waning sense of self-worth, and a lot of Steve being miserable over Bucky, which. Winning combination in my book. 

there must have been a moment where we could have said no by magdaliny. ‘Kay. So. I don’t think I’ve read this again in about four years, because it... hurts. Badly. It’s a brilliant fic, but if I’m remembering this correctly, you get a lot of what Bucky went through as the Winter Soldier, and those fics always cut me a little deeper because of how much you just wanna rescue Bucky from everything cruel and evil that was done to him. Again, great fic, but uh. Prepare yourself for this one. 

to memory now I can’t recall by Etharei. This one has time travel -- sort of. It’s body swapping WWII Bucky with post-WS Bucky, and plays on the fact that WS!Bucky doesn’t have all his memories to make his pseudo-reunion with Steve all the more angsty. Because there’s something he’s missing, right, and Steve just won’t outright tell him because he’s Steve, and that’s not even getting into the feels that come from Steve having to help past!Bucky adjust to the 21st century, knowing he can’t stick around...

As Time Goes By by Trouble_With_The_Snap. Fair warning on this one? It treats Steve’s actions in Endgame as canon and deals with them accordingly. Meaning the majority of this is a Steggy fic but like -- it’s not sustainable Steggy, if that makes sense. Steve will, without fail, deal with all the repercussions of his decision to go back to the past, and he will suffer. But also like. He kinda deserves it, so. This was one of those angsty fics where I was rooting for the angst, which was a very strange feeling for me. And when you do see Bucky? Jesus Christ will he rip your heart out. 

End of All Days by Minka. This is the only AU currently on this list, and I think it’s well-deserved, considering everything this fic put me through. You know, in a good way. It’s pure insanity but also very much not because everything the author does is incredibly calculated to make your head spin and twist a knife directly into your heart. The plot for this one gets complicated, so keep an eye on the tags, yeah? 

[keiscait]

Hello!! I see that your matchups are open and I was wondering if I could get a Living Room and Bedroom one? Living Room would be more preferable if u can’t do both. I’m not sure if this is enough to cover both…I’m sorry agdhshdhejdbjdj

I’m not sure if u can do this but could u make this anon too? You can associate me by this emoji: 🕺

Here’s the info:

PRONOUNS: she/her

PERSONALITY (Living Room): I am generally very shy and closed off, always making sure I avoid people. I stay away from large crowds because I’m a ball of anxiety (I get anxiety easy) and I get really nervous whenever someone approaches me, especially around guys like I usually won’t look at them in the eyes because I become a blushy mess and lose my words. I am also usually very quiet too and don’t talk a lot. 

However, when I talk to my close friends, I literally become Hinata (no joke). I get so hyped, energetic, cheerful, make my friends laugh, and help them a lot too. I am also very passionate about things. When I am suffering with a problem, I don’t like telling friends because I don’t wanna worry them because I feel bad. I end up telling my best friend (they are literally Kageyama to me LOL). I also apologize a lot if I felt I did something wrong and I am quite odd to my friends. I end up getting into playful banter with my close friends where I tease them with playful jokes. I am quite observant too since I don’t usually talk to people, so I notice things from afar. I can tell if a friend of mine has a slight change in their behavior and I will ask if they are ok to be sure. I am also very honest, straightforward and pretty blunt about things. 

Do not get me upset. It takes a lot for someone to make me upset and actually angry. The most I would get is being annoyed. However, if you managed to get me angry, I lose my temper and yell and my friends have mentioned it’s as if I would snap someone in two. I do curse like crazy so people get surprised since I am usually quiet. Again it is rare, but I’ve been told it’s scary when I get angry. I will eventually be alone to recharge and wouldn’t want anybody to talk to me. 

When it comes to relationships, I don’t have that much experience…I hate PDA so I’m really private. I’m actually afraid to love somebody because I’m afraid I won’t be good at all so if somebody was crushing on me and shows affection, I try to divert that attention to something else because I get shy and get so scared. Again it’s hard to look at someone I like in the eyes because I blush so much. It’s hard to show affection by words so I show it by actions like hugs. I would love to hold their hands, caressing them or squeezing them just to feel the comfort and warmth. I think I might be very tender and gentle but I think as I open up, I might get cheery and energetic but that’s a theory. I do try my best to make them happy even if it takes me a while to get comfortable and I’ll try to shower them with love by physical actions. Maybe I’ll draw for them too to make them happy…

I love art. I love to draw for my friends because I love seeing them get so excited for the finished product. I also love listening to music every day so when I’m alone and away from everyone, I just blast music through my headphones. I love gaming too so you’d find me playing the Switch!

I am a perfectionist, hardworking and always try my best even if I get put down. Sometimes I might overwork when it comes to drawing but that’s because I get so eager to improve every day. I also love to give support to my friends for their dreams and but I am not an optimist or pessimist, I am a realist. 

IN BEDROOM: Pretty much the same when it comes down to relationships. I get extremely flustered and shy about physical affection and worry if I’m not good at all. I might be a bottom aagdhhshdhsjdjd I just don’t see myself having confidence in these kinds of experiences. I would love if somebody was gentle and passionate with me tho…Since I don’t rly interact with people in the public, I think I might be touch starved so any physical affection might drive me crazy (in the good way). As flustered as I get, I am pretty dirty-minded. 

ZODIAC: Aries

THINGS I LOOK FOR IN A PARTNER: quiet, calm, observant, passionate, playful, a tease, cold yet caring, strong, emotional, empathetic, kind, understanding, respectful, and not afraid to speak their mind

HOGWARTS HOUSE: Gryffindor!!

FAV FOOD: I loveeee food. I am always hungry for food. I love spicy food especially. I love pasta/spaghetti, pizza, sushi, and I love chicken burgers

FUTURE PLANS/DREAMS: I just hope to be successful and actually feel happy. I hope I’ll land a good position for art like for animation or games (especially if it’s anime-related!) I’m not sure if I’ll find someone to settle down with but only time will tell. 

MUSIC TASTE: Rock, J-Rock, Future Funk, Lofi, and I adore anime and video game OST LOOKS: I’m smol like 5'3. I have light skin but not pale (it’s like Hinata’s) and I have red/brown hair and brown eyes. I also have little freckles on my cheeks I’m so sorry if it’s so much but maybe it helps ; __ ; Thank u for doing these and make sure to take breaks!!

————————————————-

Hello and welcome, dear! This is wonderful - thank you for all the details, it gives me a lot to work with! ❤️ I’m so excited to get started with this. Let’s go to the living room! ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

For you, I’ve invited over…

Kita Shinsuke! (Runner up: Sugawara Koushi)

Our lovely Inarizaki captain may come off as cold and stoic, but he’s really just unbothered my trivial things. He strives for improvement daily, and ensures he goes through the motions before reaching perfection.

- When you two first meet, I don’t think there will be a lot of interaction there - but when there is, it’s definitely more comfortable than it is awkward. Kita has the effect on people that makes them feel safe and secure, like all the pressures of life just disappear for a moment

- This is how your friendship starts. He proves himself more and more approachable by the day. You’re both straightforward and observant people, so you two would probably tag-team when interacting with other people. He’ll make you feel secure in the friendship despite his no-nonsense bluntness, while he appreciates that you aren’t a flashy person

- The fact that you’re a hardworking perfectionist helps him relate to you on a deeper level. He’d be so happy to find someone who understands this part of him

- He will probably make himself more present in your life by doing little things - helping you clean up after class, sending you tips on how to study for a subject you’re having trouble with, offering an ear for you to rant if he notices something’s off

- He does everything slowly and with very close precision, all in the hopes of you becoming more comfortable around him

- the man is near perfect, what more can I say 

- OF COURSE he succeeds. He’s Kita Shinsuke

- Don’t worry, he won’t be thrown off by your more playful side once it comes out. Kita most likely already got hints of your sunshine here and there while he was slowly gaining your trust

- Once he feels like it’s the perfect time, only THEN will he ask you out

- Let out your inner gremlin!!!!! He can 100% handle it, since he’s so used to the chaos of his team by now and he has somehow remained?? completely SANE?? what a man

- AND the difference is, he LIKES YOU!!!1!!!!!!!1!!

- He will adore all your little quirks, and may even participate in your playful banter

- Does not mind that you’re not into PDA. Hell, he might even be relieved–

- He’d notice how you try to divert affection, and will try to talk to you about it. You won’t have to say much, he’ll be able to tell from your body language that it’s because you’re anxious to love somebody, and will never take that against you

- Will work on trying to break through those walls, but wouldn’t ever force it

- Prepare for a beautiful domestic future 🥺🥺🥺 a simple life on a farm in the Japanese countryside with the man of your dreams?? You, an artist, and him, a farmer???? The absolute PUREST domestic dream 😭😭😭

~

You were sat in your worktable, sketching away the morning. A deadline was fast approaching, so you could hardly allow yourself to rest - so the first thing you did today, as with most days, was work. 

The art block hit a few days back. Your nights have recently been filled with drooping eyes paired with a throbbing headache, and they were now slowly eating up your mornings, too. You massaged your neck, sore from hunching over your desk so much - all you could at the moment was stare at the now blank sheet in front of you. You weren’t satisfied with any of the pieces you made, so you always ended up scrapping whatever it is that you were doing.

You were snapped out of your daze at the sound of the cuckoo clock. You noticed that you were gripping the pen a little too hard, causing some redness on your fingertips. A frustrated groan escaped you as your hands rubbed circles into your temples. The morning felt so dull.

The time read 7AM. Two hours on the desk and not a single thing, you thought to yourself. Like clockwork, you heard the door open and close as Kita came back from field work. He stopped in his tracks upon seeing you.

“You’re awake?” His tone was more concerned than surprised. He had witnessed your restlessness these past few days, doing whatever he can to ease your frustration a a little bit. This wasn’t anything new to him, seeing as you were both workaholics, but he couldn’t help but worry about how this deadline was treating you.

You managed a weak smile as you met his eyes. He looked pretty in the morning light - sweat trickling down his neck, some of his hair clinging to his forehead, lips slightly parted to allow better breathing. It was rare for you to see him like this since he usually gets up and finishes work before you get up. The sight comforted you a bit, as if the bleakness dissipated for a little while.

He walked over to the coffee machine to run it. “Still no luck?”

“I’ve been at it since 5AM.” You let out an exasperated sigh. “I woke up when you went out to work. I couldn’t go back to sleep thinking about it.”

He hummed in acknowledgment. The two of you stayed quiet for a while, with only the sounds of the coffee machine and birds chirping. The peacefulness almost sunk in until you were reminded of the stress looming over your head. You let out another sigh.

You were staring down the blank sheet again, sick of the emptiness it posed. With a pen in hand, you tried to mimic the motions of drawing strokes, hoping for a sudden burst of inspiration. Nothing. 

Kita laid a cup of coffee next to you. “You barely slept, y/n. At least eat a bit.” That elicited no response from you - all you could do was lean back in your chair, feet put up onto the seat.

Your boyfriend placed his finger under your chin, making you look up at him standing next to you. “Y/n.” 

He examined your expression - you were so tired; redness peaked from the corners of your eyes, and your lips were almost pale. “You need food in your system, y/n.”

“I don’t have time to eat, Shin, this is–”

“Food is what the brain runs on. Even a child knows that,” he teased as he pulled you on your feet and led you to the kitchen table, “Eat.”

You had no choice but to oblige. You plucked a banana from its bunch, munching away while Shin scrambled some eggs. Before you knew it, a breakfast was spread out in front of you. The brown-eyed boy pressed a kiss at the top of your head as you praised him. “I don’t deserve you,” you said with a smile.

“It’s just breakfast,” he chuckled, “and you do deserve me. You deserve the world.”

The world suddenly felt full of color again, and you were ready to face the dreary white that’s been mocking you the whole week.

~

I hope that was alright with you, dear! Let’s head over to the bedroom ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

Look who’s here for some alone time!

Semi Eita! (Runner up: Kageyama Tobio)

One of the prettiest setters to date, Semi here has his moments of sincerity despite the scary attitude he puts up. He comes off as a domineering personality, but I feel like in the bedroom, he’d be incredibly tender.

- Don’t believe the mask he puts up. Semi bb is a big softie for his s/o!!!!! CHANGE MY MIND

- In the bedroom, you well-being would be TOP priority - he would constantly ask you if this or that is okay, and make sure your comfortable with whatever the two of you are doing

- Your first time would be SO intimate: if you planned it beforehand, he’d go as far as laying out candles, setting up a fragrance to fill the room, and maybe even laying out roses; if it isn’t planned, he’d hold you close the whole time, and won’t really get rough with how he handles you

- Has enough confidence to take the lead. He’s pretty self-assured, and this will really translate in the bedroom

- Knows where to touch you and is gentle about it, making sure to test things out first before going at it

- When he gets to know your more dirty side, that’s when he brings up stuff he’d like to try out. Try surprising him every now and then by telling him you want to try something new ( 　･ิω･ิ)

- Oh, his moans. SO GOOD. They’re soft, but so raw, and it would almost sound melodic. Would also chant your name a lot

- I can’t imagine him being loud in the bedroom, but he’d definitely be into dirty talk - I imagine it’s one of his top kinks - more praising than degrading

- He’s also into choking, unless you’re not comfortable with it, then for sure, he wouldn’t force it on you 

- MAKES THE PRETTIEST O FACES. WHAT I’D GIVE TO SEE IT

- Would lay on top of you (or under, whichever position you were in) for a while before aftercare. He wants some time to hold you while winding down

- Aftercare would be quick but careful - he wants to ensure that he’s got everything covered

- The epitome of Making Love, as opposed to simply “having sex”

~

Sorry for the long wait, darling! I hope you enjoyed all of that, and thank you so much for your patience. Feel free to pay me another visit, or just sit and chat with me anytime :D

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[ncityislove]

His Worst Nightmare

➳ Pairing: Demon!Jisung x Reader

➳ Genre: Angst, Demon AU

➳ Word Count: 9.2k

➳ Warnings: mention of murder and blood but no actual death

Requested? Nah.

You wake up in a pitch-black room, the smell of something burning, stinging your nose. You let out a choked cough, attempting to sit up, only to realize you can't. Your chest is tied down to a table, along with your arms and legs with buckled straps. Fear runs through your veins as you call out for help.

You don't know where you are but the room must be humongous for the way your voice echoes, your screech bouncing around the room for what must've been over a minute until it comes back to you. That's when a singular lightbulb hanging over your head comes on and a boy standing to your left comes into view. You scream again and he hushes you with a finger to his lips.

The light is dim so you can only see his silhouette. How long he had been standing there, you didn't know, but all you could feel was the shrill voice in the back of your brain telling you to run away from him. You're breathing loudly now, the cold metal of the table contrasting with the warmth of your skin. The smell is stronger. You finally recognize the scent as burning flesh.

You stir on the table, screaming and calling for someone—anyone—but the boy puts a hot hand on your shoulder, silencing you. You don't know how he did it, but your voice is gone, your limbs frozen. He leans into the light and you can finally see his face.

He's handsome, his jaw chiseled with small eyes that would've been charming if it wasn't for the alarming blood-red pupils that stare down at you. His lips curve into a wicked smile, his pointed teeth white and pearly as his tongue slid over them quickly.

"Wake up," he whispers.

You shoot up in your bed with a gasp. Your heart thuds in your chest as you try to stop the stream of tears pouring out of your tear ducts. You had to remind yourself that he wasn't real, your breaths coming out uneven.

You've had the same nightmare every night for the past month, leaving you on edge and restless. The bags under your eyes have bags. You put a clammy hand to your forehead, the skin hot to the touch, only reminding you of the burning temperature of the room in your dream.

You don't know why you were having nightmares and why of all things it was always the same boy every night. It never went any further than that bone-chilling smile except once, two or three weeks ago, when his jaws opened the size to fit 3 large watermelons, blood dribbling down his chin. You woke up screaming that time, causing your parents to rush in to check on you.

You get up to make a cup of coffee, deciding against going back to sleep. Caffeine has been your kindest friend for the past few weeks. Unfortunately, you couldn't stay awake forever and eventually, you'd drift off, finding yourself strapped to that table again.

You groggily padded across the kitchen floor, grabbing your favorite mug from the drying rack and pouring yourself the largest cup of coffee possible.

-

The computer cafe you were currently sitting in was emptier than usual, which slightly lifted your spirits. The icing of your half-eaten cupcake was starting to become too sweet so you get up to dispose it in the garbage at the ordering counter.

Your legs feel weak as you walk, your entire body suffering from the lack of proper rest. You feel the world sink in when you blink occasionally, dozing off over and over. This won't do. You get into line to grab another coffee.

You're sitting back at your computer, nose hidden in your oversized coffee mug, when a tall figure shadows over you, their presence strikingly familiar to you—so familiar that when they touched your shoulder, you didn't even flinch.

"Excuse me?," said the young boy.

You turn around, your blood suddenly running cold. The face you've dreamed of every night for the past month—the face that was so terrifyingly beautiful that his image was permanently ingrained into your mind. The slope of his nose those his slanted eyes—it was him! There was no mistaking it.

His lips curl into an awkward frown, his eyebrows lifting slightly at the way your eyes pop out at him.

"A-are you okay?"

You shake your head side to side as you abruptly stand up, gathering your things with trembling hands. You had to go home. You were hallucinating now. You had to be. But why did he seem so real? You were going insane.

"Hey!" he calls out, his hand reaching out to stop you, and you do flinch this time although he never actually makes physical contact with you.

"I just came over here to tell you that you missed the trash can," he points to the bin that you threw your cupcake away at—or at least you thought you did. You look at him, noticing the pastel pink uniform and his name tag.

"Oh," you manage to say. "I-I'm sorry, I'll pick it up. It's just—I thought you were someone...I mean you look so much like him."

He looks confused as he struggles to put together your words, as he simply got annoyed with you trashing his workplace with your unfinished food.

"Jisung," you read his name tag aloud. "Jisung, how long have you been working here?"

"About two weeks," he shrugs.

You nod. It still doesn't make sense that he had the exact same face as your torturer—the same voice too!  You struggle to maintain eye contact with him, expecting the red pupils to make an appearance any minute. But he seemed like a completely different person. He was kind of awkward, shy almost. He wore his hair differently, his eyebrows barely visible under the blonde locks that covered his forehead, unlike the perfect middle part you were used to. That way you could see his eyes clearly when he watched you writhe in fear, that ever so wicked smile would appear when you tried to scream.

You swallowed thickly as you apologize again, making your way to pick up your cupcake when his voice stops you.

"Who is it by the way? Who do I look like?"

You freeze, the tone of his voice alarming as if he knew something. Or maybe it was all in your head. You turn slightly to face him, his head cocked curiously at you, his hands shoved in his pockets.

"Some guy I know. He's an awful person...if you can even call him that," you say and then you turn around not caring to see his reaction, quickly cleaning up your mess before squabbling out of there.

-

You don't visit the cafe again. It's been three days since then and you've still been getting the same nightmare except for the new addition of Jisung's cheap name tag. You weren't even sure if they were the same person but all of it seemed impossible either way. How could you dream of someone you haven't met? And if it truly was him that tortured you in your sleep, was he that evil creature in real life too?

You begin to cry. You just wanted it to stop. You hide your face in your bookbag as you wait in the cold.  The firm cemented steps offer your bottom no comfort as tears dampen the collar of your shirt. You had fainted in class from exhaustion and now the nurse was sending you home early.

As if you weren't already embarrassed enough a group of people walked passed you during your meltdown—no doubt ogling at your crumpled figure. One of them stops and heads back towards your direction. You cringe, waiting for them to walk past again except they don't. They stop right next to you. You really didn't want to be bothered right now—wasn't it obvious? You kept your head down, hoping if you didn't acknowledge the person they would go away. Maybe it was working. They're backing away now. Thank god—

"Uh, hey, are you alright?"

You squeeze your eyelids shut as a string of curses run through your mind. You give a curt nod of your head, your face still nuzzled into your bookbag.

"I remember you," the voice pauses. "You're not crying because you missed the trash can again are you?"

You slowly sit up to look at him, tears still streaming down your swollen cheeks. It was him. He found you again. This couldn't be a coincidence.

"Bad joke?" he awkwardly chuckled.

"You don't go here," you state.

He was caught off guard by your response. He gives you a once over before sliding off his plum purple puffer jacket and placing it over your shoulders. Your eyes widen at the warmth that envelopes you. The jacket was nearly scorching but barely just warm enough to where it wasn't uncomfortable.

"My cousin goes here. Me and my parents are picking him up for my aunt as a favor."

You nodded not really believing him. "So you're skipping school to come with your parents?"

Jisung took the question as an invitation to sit next to you. "No, of course not. I'm homeschooled."

You frowned. It angered you his words made sense when every cell in your body told you he was lying.

"You wanna talk about why you were crying?"

You shake your head, looking back at your book bag as a strong gust of wind blew your hair wildly in your face. You shiver, closing the jacket tighter around you.

"Aren't you cold?" you ask.

He just shrugs, flicking the hair out of his eyes with a tilt of his head. "That guy I remind you of, you must not like him very much, huh?"

"Hate his guts," you grumbled.

"Whatever he did to you must've been bad because you treat me like I'm gonna bite your head off any second."

You look back at him with the toughest expression you could muster. "Who's to say you won't? What if you are the same person?"

"And what if I'm not?" he interjects. "What if I'm just me?"

"What are you trying to say?"

Jisung stares at you for a beat and you swear you see a flicker in his eye. "I'm not who you think I am. That's all."

He gets up and walks away just as your mom arrives. You stare at his back as he walks through the glass double doors, not even taking a second glance back.

Later that afternoon, you're stuck on the couch with your mother hovering over you. She's currently on the phone with the doctor while you're swamped in blankets with a wet towel on your forehead that's slightly blocking off your vision. She's frantic, making up symptoms you don't have as she paces around the living room space.

You huff, trying to think of a way to get out of this situation. You sit up, removing the cloth from your forehead only for your mother to force you back down with an icy glare.

"Yes, we'll be there at 10:30 sharp," she writes the time down on a notepad.

"Yes, thank you so much...okay...bye."

"Mom," you call out as soon as she hangs up. "I gotta return my friend's jacket."

"You're not going anywhere in this state," she puts her hands on her hips.

You flop back on the couch dramatically. "But I told him I'd give it to him today," you lie.

"I think he'll understand," she says walking into the kitchen.

There was no way you could stay here another moment without getting answers. What did he mean earlier? You knew he was trying to convince you of something, but what?

"And what if I'm not?" he interjects. "What if I'm just me?"

Did he know about your dreams? Your head was beginning to ache and you weren't sure if it was because you were going to faint again or if your brain was starting to hurt from overthinking.

"I'm not who you think I am. That's all."

You double-check to see if your mom is paying attention before grabbing the jacket and your shoes, tip-toeing out of the front door. You hop on your bike and pedal like there's no tomorrow down the street to the computer cafe.

The ride feels longer than usual, the streets cold and barren. The grey sky threatened rain but as if someone were looking out for you from above, the heavy puffy clouds held out a little longer. You nearly get hit by a red pick up truck in your haste, gaining you a middle finger as he zoomed by angrily.

Out of breath and slightly dizzy, you step into the cafe, your eyes peeled for a familiar head of blonde hair. You're red in the face, bent over your knees as tears sting your eyes. You don't see him. He's not here.

The door opens behind you and you're too emotional to move out of the way. Whoever it was would just have to squeeze by.

"Oh, thanks, my jacket," Jisung says, standing beside you now.

You stand up straight, almost smiling in relief. Jisung was still dressed in his casual clothes; his shift must not have started until now. Suddenly you feel foolish for being so melodramatic. Here you were, your eyes still glossy and your cheeks still glowing a faint red from the cold ride and the wind whipping your hair against your face when it all seemed so dumb. Why were you here? To confront a boy you hardly knew about your nightmares? To accuse him of the impossible? You had everything you wanted to say planned out perfectly, imagining the weight that would lift off your shoulders ever since he left you at school but now, finally face to face, all those words died at your tongue.

You look at Jisung and stick your arm out, the jacket dangling in your hand. Jisung smiles brightly at you before taking it, the corner of his lips turning downward as he examines your face. He looks somewhat hesitant to bring it up but he does anyway.

"Is whatever was bothering you earlier still upsetting you?"

You nod, biting your lip.

"I was hoping leaving you my jacket would cheer you up somehow," he chuckled, his eyes thoughtful. "It was stupid."

"It did cheer me up in a way," you start. "It reminded me of something...but I'm ready to tell you what's wrong now."

The whites of Jisung's eyes became more visible as he looked at you, his lips parted slightly. He leans in closer, ready to hear what you have to say.

"Can we step outside for a minute?"

"Uhh," he glances at his watch. "Yeah, sure."

You walk out first, hearing his soft footsteps follow behind you. The sky is even darker now, even though you were only inside for a moment, the smell of rain in the air. The wind was strong, blowing the trees wildly.

You kept your back to him. "I've seen you before."

Jisung is silent for a moment. "You mean the guy who looks like me?"

"No," you correct him. "I've seen you before. You are the guy who looks like you. Aren't you? Except you act different."

"Huh? I just met you...how would I..." he trails off.

You turn around, tears threatening to spill over. You weren't afraid of him now, only in your sleep you were but for some reason, as you spoke, your heart thudded in your chest. You didn't feel in danger when you were with this Jisung. The Jisung that kindly asks you to pick up your trash and gives you his jacket in the cold. But the jacket...it was more than a kind gesture...something wasn't right about it.

"Why was your jacket so hot?"

His eyes fell low before looking back at you. "You and I meeting was fate, you know that?"

You frown. "What?"

"If you've seen me before then we must've met in your dreams correct?"

You take a step back. "How did you—"

"How did I know? It would take me forever to explain. But you're special, __."

A white flash illuminates Jisung's face, a loud crack of thunder echoing around you causing you to jump.

Jisung starts to laugh madly. Terror runs through your body as you start to regret coming here at all.

"What are you?" you ask, your voice shaking in fear.

Jisung smirks at you. "You know what I am, baby."

There's another crash of thunder and you nearly hop an inch out of your shoes. Jisung starts to laugh at you again.

"Are you going to kill me?"

He puckers his lips at you with a tilt of his head. "No. Why would I do that?"

"Isn't that what you do," you tutt, your throat tight. "In my dreams, you were always about to kill me."

"That's...no, I'm not like that," he clenched his fists at the statement.

"But you think it's funny to torture me? I haven't slept in over a month because of you."

"A month? No, that's not right. What happened in those dreams?"

A drop of water hits the top of your head but you ignore it. "Like you wouldn't know!" you answer, your brows furious and angry as you look up at your torturer.

"I have no control over your dreams. Can you tell me about them, please?"

"Nightmares," you correct. "Call them what they are. Don't act coy with me. Don't lie. If you're going to kill me then just do it already."

"I don't kill anymore!" his eyes flash red.

You gasp, you're blood running cold at the terrifyingly familiar image. You run away. You make it to your bike but before you can hop on, a hot hand grabs your arm, yanking your body off onto the damp pavement.

"Don't you run away from me!!" Jisung looks angry and maybe a little hurt by your actions but you don't care. You just want to get out of here.

"Just leave me alone, okay!" you get up to run away again but he lifts you again with one strong arm, his hand wrapped tightly around your throat. Your eyes bulge out of your head when you realize you can't breathe.

"You're pissing me off now. I don't want to hurt you but it's the only way to make you listen."

You struggle against him, your fingers clawing at his hand while he seems entirely unaffected. His nostrils are flaring, the pointy teeth now visible as he glares at you with those blood-red eyes.

"I don't control your dreams. The only person who can control your dreams is you. I only met you a week ago so stop accusing me of something not even I can do." And with that, he drops you.

You fall on the sidewalk, gasping and coughing. Your butt hurts from landing on it so roughly and your left arm stings, probably a cut from the fall but you don't check. You can't bring yourself to look away from him.

"What do you want from me?"

"Well, I can't tell you now," he scoffs. "I don't trust you."

A fat tear escapes your eye, adrenaline rushing through your veins as you try to make sense of reality. "Who the hell would believe me even if I told anyone??"

"There are those who believe we exist. Mostly the looneys of the church but I can't have you going around exposing me. Then I'd have to kill them all and I don't want to do that again. I'm reformed now."

Again?

"You said you're not who I thought you were. If you're not him then who are you?"

A gentle ring of thunder fills the thick air as it starts to rain. It's cold and uncomfortable but neither of you makes an effort to go back inside.

"I'm not a killer. That is, only if you don't make me out to be."

How could he say that when you could see the fangs that could tear your body in half. How could he say that when he almost killed you just now?

"You've killed people before," your voice waivers even though you will it not to. "You're a murderer. That's what your kind does to humans. Kill."

"Say it. Say what I am." Jisung crouches to your level. "C'mon. Say it."

Your body's shaking from how close he's gotten. You say nothing as he waits for you to respond. You remain silent.

He leans into your ear and whispers, "Either you say it on your own or I'll make you say it."

You let out a weak noise, turning your head away as he tucks your thick wet hair behind your ear.

"Demon," you wail, as tears blur your vision.

Jisung smiles triumphantly, pressing his warm lips to your forehead. Your body shrivels away from him as you scream, a fist landing on his hard chest. He takes your hand in his, keeping it on his chest, sliding your hand to the left and you feel something. Something that doesn't make sense. It's a heartbeat. It was a little faster than a normal one but it was still a heartbeat.

You look at him in shock, your mouth rendered speechless.

"I'm late for my shift," he gets up. "I'll see you soon. But remember what I said. You control your own dreams."

Jisung wraps his jacket around you once more with the obvious intent on having you return it again tomorrow. His eyes fade back to brown as he sends you one last smile and the awkward and kind Jisung is back almost as if he never left. He walks back inside the cafe, leaving you alone in the rain, shivering, wet, and traumatized.

-

A slightly chubby waitress decked out in tattoos with blue hair brings out your steak, medium rare, with a side of lightly salted fries as per Jisung's request. His order was something French that you couldn't pronounce, nor identify, but smelled heavenly, your mouth watering for the order that was not your own.

Jisung checks his expensive watch. "They're late. As usual."

"Hmm?" you snap your eyes away from his meal. "Who is?"

"We're here!" A beautiful older couple makes their way to your table.

"Mom! Dad! It only took you fifteen years," Jisung remarks as he leans in to give them a hug.

"It was your father, love. He got hung up with the gentleman at the sports club."

"Ah! It was business! You know how that sort of thing goes."

They both sit in their seats across from you, picking up their menus. His mother's hair is combed back neatly, her youthful skin glowing as she smiles pleasantly at you. His father is dressed rather casually, wearing khaki shorts and a baby pink polo but the giant rock on his pinky finger told you of his financial status.

"Oh my," says his mother. "And you, my darling, how are you? I've heard so much about you."

His father hums. "Ah yes, you're a special one aren't you? Haven't had a human dine with us in decades."

"Special? How am I special?" you ask, taking a French fry.

"Jisung, haven't you told her?" his father takes a sip of his sparkling water.

"Tell me what?" you look to Jisung.

The temperature in the room starts to rise and you break out into a sweat, fanning yourself with a napkin.

"Why would I tell her what she already knows?" Jisung answers, taking a spoonful of his soup.

You give him an odd look which he ignores and you decide to bite your tongue. A certain glimmer around Mrs. Park's neck catches your eye and you can't look away, like it was a magnet, drawing your eyes to it, willing you not to look away.

"Mrs. Park? That's a lovely necklace your wearing," you say marveling at the shiny red cut of the mysterious diamond. "May I ask what stone that is?"

Her lips curve a little, the pointed bones of her teeth peeking through. "That's a family secret. One that you'll know soon, my dear."

The waitress returns, notepad in hand, asking what the two would like to order.

Mrs. and Mr. Park smile sweetly at the young girl, giving her a long once over. "Yes, we'd like to have you for dinner."

She drops her pen from her notepad. "Excuse me?"

Mr. Park jumps up and snaps the poor girl's neck like a twig, catching her limp body as it falls forward. You scream in horror.

"Christ," Jisung rolls his eyes.

Mrs. Park rips her head off, dropping it carelessly to the ground with a thud. The restaurant is unbearably hot, and you're sweating through your lengthy dress. Your mouth is gaping as you helplessly watch them tear the woman to shreds picking off the meat on her bones and tear the flesh with their teeth. You look around to see everyone carrying on normally as if someone didn't just get ruthlessly murdered.

You can't pry your eyes away as they continue to feast on her carcass, blood dripping down their chins, red splatters tarnishing their clothes. Mrs. Park looks at you, that same smile from earlier still there but now it holds something dark behind it. Her eyes were that crimson red that you'd seen so many times. She crawls onto the table making her way towards you, and you scoot back falling out of your chair.

"I'm not who you think I am," she whispers.

"Wha-what?" you stumble backward.

"I'm not who you think I am. I'm not who you think I am. I'm not..." she turns over on her back, her arm laying on your food, giggling wildly.

"You control your dreams, __" Jisung says standing up.

You look at him, bewildered.

"This is your dream. Control it."

A whack of thunder shakes the ground, yanking you out of your dream. Your heartbeat is irregular as you stumble out of your bed. Startled, you jump out of bed, pulling on your shoes and jacket, grabbing Jisung's coat along the way.

You left the house in haste, going to the only place you could think of. You needed to talk to him. Whether he'd show up or not was a chance you were willing to take.

You pedaled your bike down the cold, empty streets with the thought of Jisung on your mind. You were confused but you felt like you knew everything at the same time. It was so strange but you couldn't remember the last time anything felt normal.

The cafe was closed. The door was locked, obviously, so you let out a gust of air as you sat down against it. It was nearly 3 am and you left the house alone, loitering around some dumb computer cafe. What had your life come to? You don't even hang out with your friends anymore. You barely even speak to your family these days.

"Jisung!" you yell.

It was only a guess that he would show up. Maybe he'd hear you from wherever he was or maybe you could summon him? It sounded dumb but it made sense at the time.

You yelled his name once more, the desperation in your voice evident but still, nothing.

"Jisung, please," you whisper, your head falling into your lap.

Just as you're about to give up and go home, a blast of heat blows against your back in the strikingly cold morning. You gasp at the sound of the door unlocking behind you, jumping up to meet the boy you came to see.

Your eyes drank in his familiar face and dark clothes. "You came."

"Didn't you ask me to?" he tilts his head, giving you a sideways smirk that you never saw before. "Oh, Jisung! Oh, Jisung, please!" he mocks you and you frown.

"You need to loosen up a bit," Jisung clicks his tongue. "I don't think I've ever even seen you smile."

"I don't do that much these days."

"I see. Come in," he opens the door wider and you follow him into the warm cafe.

It's dimmer than usual, only half of the lights had been turned on and the absence of music almost made you uncomfortable. Jisung sat down at a random table and you cautiously sit across him. It feels as if he's examining every inch of your skin, his eyes slowly dragging over your face to the bottom of your torso where the table blocks his vision. It makes you antsy. You try to ignore the feeling.

"You heard me calling. How'd you do that?"

Jisung drums his fingers on the table in thought, "I don't really know. I've never been summoned before. I just heard you so I came."

"But how'd you get here so fast? Where'd you come from? Your home? Where do you live?"

He scoffs, rolling his eyes. "Now, why would I tell you all that? I don't trust you."

You sigh, chewing your bottom lip—a motion you caught his eyes following.

"Well...what can you tell me? I deserve some answers, don't you think?"

He laughs at that. "You don't deserve anything, human. I owe you nothing."

You press your lips together in annoyance. If he didn't want to tell you anything then why'd he show up? He seemed to have some interest in you by the way he keeps toying with you. You can't figure him out. He's hot then he's cold. One minute he's shy and sweet then the next he's rude and angry. But sometimes he was a mix of both, like right now. A happy medium of kind and a touch of asshole. But at least he wasn't going to kill you. You were sure of that. You couldn't explain why but ever since you had that nightmare this morning you had this feeling that he didn't want to hurt you—which was illogical of course—because he did, in fact, hurt you. You had the bruises to prove it. Your neck was covered in black and blue bruises with a distinct outline of five large fingers.

"I had another dream," you start and Jisung raises a brow at you. "I trust you. I don't know why but I have this feeling that I can't get rid of that you won't hurt me."

He frowns for a bit before he begins to chuckle. "My suspicions were true."

"What do you mean?"

"You want to know why you've been having those dreams?"

You nod frantically, bracing yourself for what he was about to tell you, but nothing could prepare you for the words that were about to leave his lips.

"You're destined to become my slave."

-

You come to on a leather couch in an unfamiliar room. It was a living room. A large one at that. You sit up, your head feeling heavy and full of fluff. Your shoes are sat neatly to the side of the couch along with your jacket. Standing up on sore legs, you stretch before looking around in what you could only assume was Jisung's house.

It's very...empty. Like it had been barely lived in. Almost as if no one lived here at all. The kitchen's beautiful, large and spacious with fancy looking cupboards. You walked down a long dark hall passing an extravagant dining room with a table that looked like it was a mile long and a chandelier that was so humongous it must've weighed more than your immediate family all together.

You hear the sound of water as you approach a room on your right, pushing open the door left slightly ajar. Jisung is staring right at you as if he knew you were coming. The bathwater is running and he's sitting on the toilet seat with a tub of bath salts in his hands.

"Morning, sunshine," he smiles cheekily at you.

You step into the steamy room, eying him with a groggy pout. "What the hell happened?"

He scoffs. "Of course you don't remember. I told you that you're my slave and you didn't handle it well."

You almost lose your balance, grabbing the counter just in time. "Pardon??"

Jisung rolls his eyes. "I made you a bath. You look like hell so I'll leave you to it," he gets up patting his jeans.

You didn't notice his change of clothes until now. Just how long had you been there?

"Hold on, I have a question. Several actually—"

"I'll be back in a bit," he stalks off closing the door behind him.

You open the door to call after him but he's nowhere to be found. It was like he disappeared into thin air. It wouldn't surprise you if he actually did. You return to the bathroom and disrobe, deciding you might as well. You couldn't remember the last time you took a bath. Must've been years. You pause at the mirror and nearly jumped out of your skin when you saw how awful you looked. Jisung did not lie when he said you looked like hell. There were dark circles around your eyes and you looked pale, on top of that your hair was a frizzy mess. You finger-combed your hair to the best of your ability before giving up and sinking into the warm bath Jisung had drawn for you.

You let your mind reel as you sat in the tub, your knees tucked into your chest. Nothing made sense anymore. Oh, how you longed to go back to the life you had where the only thing you had to worry about was struggling with your math homework. If Jisung was telling the truth, then your life would never be the same. There had to be a way out of this, right? Maybe this is your punishment for something horrible you did but what? The worst thing you'd ever done was steal a couple of lipglosses from Target and that was two years ago. Or maybe it's because you lied to your mom about passing your Spanish test last month? You regretted it but it still seemed too small of a thing to be punished so greatly for. No matter how hard you picked your brain you couldn't come to a conclusion in any reality where you deserved this. You just wished you could get some answers soon. What would you tell your parents? Your friends? Would you have to leave them all behind? Did you have to do evil things now?

No, he said he changed. He wasn't like that. At least you hoped he wasn't. The scary thing is that you couldn't find it in yourself to care if he did make you do evil things. Just yesterday you would rather kill yourself than to do Jisung's evil bidding. You didn't like that you didn't mind it. You didn't like that nothing added up. You couldn't understand why in the world all of this had to happen to you. You didn't know where you were, how long you've been gone or what was going to happen to you. It all felt like a never-ending bad dream.

After you washed up and dried yourself, you sat idly on the toilet as the water drained from the bathtub. You felt a little better now that you were clean but you could feel the foreshadowing of an oncoming headache from the stress.

There was a gentle knock on the door, shaking you out of your pity party and you get up to open it. Jisung is in different clothing once again, wearing a hoodie and baggy dark jeans.

You stay there for three long days. You don't speak much in that time, but you feel like you know him a bit better. He wasn't as scary as you thought. After spending seventy-two hours together, you feel more at ease in his presence. He refused to discuss your circumstances and you never ask to go home. The thought never crosses your mind after the first day and you almost forget about your life at home completely. Instead, you spend all your time observing Jisung. You watch him cook and clean, sew and paint. He's perfected almost a million hobbies.   He doesn't acknowledge your existence as you watch, only bothering to speak to ask what you wanted to eat or if you were tired and wanted a bath. Contrary to your earlier thoughts, he never ordered you around. He left you to wander around on your own, doing as you pleased. Whether that be to read a book from his collection, watch a movie or watch him.    On the third morning, you're up early, sitting cross-legged in the bed of Jisung's guest bedroom. After taking a shower, you were stuffing your face with a bowl of oatmeal Jisung had so expertly prepared.

"You ready to go home? School should be starting soon."

Home. Your mother. Oh, shit.

"What time is it?" you tuck your damp hair behind your ears.

"Five thirty-seven."

Your eyebrows knit together as he tosses your uniform at you and you catch it.

"Hurry up," and with that, the door is shut in your face.

It only took you about a minute to change and then you were scampering down the hall to the living room where Jisung was waiting patiently, sitting as still as stone.

"Good then. Let's go."

"Wait," you grab his sleeve and Jisung stares down at your hand as if it were alien.

"Can you please tell me what's going on now? I'm going insane here."

He sighs before motioning for you to sit down. You quickly oblige, plopping down on the couch and he sits opposite of you.

"Sometimes, there are certain circumstances where a demon who does their job very well would be rewarded by Satan by being gifted their very own human slave.

"It's very rare actually, and Satan stopped doing it centuries ago bc it led to us being discovered. Then he had to "handle" it so I'm not sure why he gifted you to me. Does that answer all your questions?"

You give him a pointed look. He sighs.

"I don't know what to tell you. I don't know what's going on either; I don't even work anymore."

"What do you mean you don't work?"

"I'm retired. I don't like causing harm to humans and Satan let me settle down up here."

"Satan sounds awfully nice..." you frown a bit.

Jisung rolls his eyes slightly. "Oh, believe me. He isn't. Satan lives up to his name just fine. He let me go under special circumstances."

"So you're special?"

"Yep."

You folded your arms over your chest. "How so?"

"My parents and I were really good at doing what we do. The best actually. For centuries we were the apple of Lucifer's eyes. I mean, we got the best treatment, luxury lifestyle, the other demons didn't dare mess with us. It was almost like...heaven."

You purse your lips, feeling uncomfortable with the comparison to heaven.

"One day, I met a human I was assigned to and she was different than any human I'd ever seen. I was supposed to influence her to sin but I just couldn't no matter how hard I tried. This human was the purest of any kind I'd met and she was so young. The young ones are supposed to be the most malleable but she always resisted. She was good.

I realized something then. I thought, maybe not all humans don't deserve to go to hell. Some do. Some don't. And without the influence of us, a lot of them would go to heaven. After doing it for so long, I started to feel guilty. I've never been human. I was born like this. I never experienced a human life but I wanted to. So I asked to retire."

You were sure your eyes were bulging out of your head but you were too shocked to try to change your expression. "And he just let you go? Just like that?"

"Yeah. Satan wasn't happy. He thought it was stupid, which, it might be a little. A demon can't live like a human. He claimed after a few decades I'd see humans for what they really were and then I'd be back."

"So, then Satan made me your slave to try to convince you to come back?"

"I'm not sure," he flicks a strand of hair out of his eyes. "But Lucifer doesn't do anything without a purpose. I'm sure we'll find out soon."

"Will you go back?"

"I don't want to but if I have to then I will. It's what I was created for."

"Oh," you were lost on what to say next.

"Are you ready to go back home?" He stands up, holding a hand out to you.

You're about to take it when the doorbell rings. Jisung looks frigid. Was that fear in his eyes?

"My parents are here."

"Huh? Why?" The scenes of your dream flash in your mind. The headless waitress and blood gushing everywhere. If they were anything like the dream version of them then you were dead meat.

"I don't know. They're not nice people, __," he warns.

"Should I run? Or hide?"

"There's no point; they'd find you. Just sit still and don't say a word."

Jisung walks to the door, opening it to reveal two faces you've seen before. His mother didn't look pleased to see her son but his father pulled him in for a quick hug, patting him on the back.

"Well, are you going to invite us in? We knocked this time. Just like you asked," his mom says with a hint of annoyance.

Jisung steps back to let them inside and it's like an alarm goes off in their heads because as soon as they step one foot inside, their heads snap to find you sitting on the couch.

"Oh...you have company," his father says in confusion.

"Jisung, what is this?" His mom looks at you in disgust.

"Mom, Dad, this is __. We were just on our way out, actually. So, this is a bad time."

His mom shoots him daggers with her eyes. "You aren't going anywhere we just got here. Jisung, where are your manners?"

Jisung stands there, looking defeated as he mumbles an apology.

"Hello, there! I'm Mrs. Park," she extends a hand out to you. You look at Jisung before getting up to shake it.

"Mr. Park," his dad shakes your hand next. Their hands are just as hot as Jisung's. You shuffle back to your spot on the couch.

"Is this your friend, Jisung?" Mrs. Park asks, looking you up and down.

"She's my slave, mother."

His parents look at each other in shock, smiles of joy creeping across their faces.

"Lucifer gifted you a slave?" Mrs. Park practically jitters with excitement.

"Yes, mother."

"Son, that's amazing! You have to come back now!"

Jisung clenches his fists at his sides. "I'm not coming back. Not now. Not ever."

"Don't be silly, Jisung. It would be extremely disrespectful not to after receiving such a gift. He stopped gifting slaves centuries ago," Mrs. Park snaps.

"Mom, I made my decision."

"You foolish boy. You're an embarrassment to us all. We've been forced into hiding ever since you left. We're the laughing stock of the underworld because you decided to go soft and ruin the reputation we worked so hard to build. Two centuries of hard work down the drain."

"Mother—"

"Don't you understand? This isn't a gift it's a warning. You've been gone too long, Jisung. He wants you back. You've had your fun living your little fantasy; now it's time to come back to reality."

"Son, please," Mr. Park sits down next to you. "Listen to your mom."

"I...no. No, I'm staying here," says Jisung.

"You're so selfish! He won't just punish you he'll punish us all! Me and your father will be extinguished right along with you. My dearest son, please use the common sense I gave you and come back to us. I've missed you. We were a great team."

Jisung looks torn as he looks at you then back to his parents. "I have to get going."

"Jisung," Mr. park barks.

"Please leave," Jisung opens the door for them.

"You're going to get us all killed," Mrs. Park snarls as she nudges her husband to get up. "Close the damn door, Jisung. We're leaving."

Jisung closes it, his back falling against the wall.

"We're not done talking about this," his mother declares before looking at you one last time, the corner of her lips turned downwards. You think your eyes are playing tricks on you as the couple dissipate right in front of you, fading into a silhouette and then finally nothing. They're gone.

Jisung opens the door again. "Come on."

   The ride to your house is silent and too quick if you were being honest. Jisung lives fairly close to your house although in a much better neighborhood for someone who's living off of minimum wage.

   You're still a bit shaken up but much calmer than before. Once you enter the house, you find the lights off. Your mom was still asleep. You thank god as you creep to your room as quietly as possible. When you open the door, however, your mom is sitting on your bed holding a book in her hands. Was that your diary?

"Y/n, just where have you been all night?"

You deflect her question. "Why do you have my diary?"

"This is my house and my rules. I am your mother for Christ's sake; I have the right to know what's going on in my daughter's life and if you won't let me in, damn it, I'll find out my own way."

"That's a complete invasion of my privacy!"

She looks taken aback at your brazen comment. "Raise your voice at me one more time—I dare you! You were out with that boy from the computer cafe, weren't you?"

"What? No! My friend, Deana broke up with her boyfriend and it was an emergency. I had to go talk to her."

She narrows her eyes. "Don't you lie to me."

"I swear it! It's true," your bottom lip trembled as you held back tears.

You wanted to tell the truth but you couldn't. Jisung wouldn't like that very much and quite frankly, you were simply terrified of what his parents might do to you more than your angry mother. Would she believe you anyway? You didn't have any proof. She'd probably lock you up in some psych ward hundreds of miles away from here at the first mention of demons. Or maybe she'd just think you were lying. Her face was red with fury but you can tell by the slight quiver in her voice she was more worried about your safety than anything.

"I know somethings going on," she rests her hands on her knees. "You've been having sleepless nights and you don't go out as much anymore. And now there's some boy who comes out of nowhere and you're running out to meet him when you've got a fever. You scared me half to death and I just let it slide but now you're sneaking out and coming back three days later at six in the morning?

"No ma'am. This is not how I run my household. You know that. I mean is it me? Did I do something to make you wanna push me away?"

Your throat aches as you choke back tears. "No, mom, it's not that at all. I just have to solve this on my own."

She looks heartbroken but nods nimbly. "But you'll come to me if you can't figure it out on your own?"

"I promise."

"Good," she stands up. "We're leaving in ten minutes so hurry up and get dressed. Oh yeah, and you're grounded."

You couldn't say you didn't see that coming.

-

When you get home from school, your mother's in the living room. She usually doesn't get off of work for another two hours but it wasn't that hard to think of the reason why she was home so early. She asks about school and you say whatever it takes to end the conversation as soon as possible so you can go to your room. You lock the door behind you when you're finally alone, changing into more comfortable clothes. You make sure your mom's still downstairs before you whisper Jisung's name and a warmth envelops your body from the tip of your tongue down to your toes. He appears before you in seconds, wearing his work uniform. He doesn't look at you at first, inspecting the interior of your room before making himself comfortable on your bed.

"Your mom didn't seem too happy about this morning," he sighs.

"How did you know that?" you ask and for some reason, you think, you might be better off not knowing.

"You and I are connected now. I can see you whenever I want. I can...feel you."

You gulp. You didn't like the thought of him checking up on you whenever he wanted. And what's worse is that if you ever tried to run, he could find you.

"Right...well I have a question."

"Oh, you're just full of those, aren't you?"

You roll your eyes. "If you go back to working for Satan...would he allow you to let me go?"

Jisung's face hardens. You could feel the warmth in the room grow.

"Why would you ask me that? Do you know what you'd be asking me to do?"

"I'm sorry," the words leave your mouth at lightning speed. It's odd. You didn't want to say them but you did.

"Am I really so awful you'd rather send me away to do the devils bidding than to be stuck with me?"

"No, not at all," you say this on your own this time. It should worry you how true it was. You truly didn't mind his company. It took some time to separate the man from your dreams to the one in reality but once you did, you saw the good in him—once you overlooked all the sarcasm, of course.

"Don't get offended, please. That's not what I'm trying to do here," you approach him. "I just want my life back."

There's a flicker of emotion in his eyes. He sighs. "I suppose, you're right. It's selfish of me to impose on your life when you didn't ask for any of this. I'll take my problems elsewhere and leave you be."

You're surprised at how quickly he gave you what you wanted. You expected to have to squeal your way out of it. It was so easy you almost felt bad for asking.

"There won't be any consequences? He won't get mad if you leave me alone?"

"I'm not sure what he'll do. Just as I can see you, he can see me," he pauses. "Whatever the outcome, I'll handle it."

He stands up and you stand up with him.

"Is it weird that I'm going to miss you?"

His eyebrows fly up and he almost looks embarrassed. "Uh, I'm sure that's just a side effect of being my slave."

"I see," you look down feeling awkward. "Can I get a hug?"

You can tell he's uncomfortable with the request but he opens his arms for you anyway. You hate how attached you've become in the last twelve hours. You hardly knew the man and after meeting his parents you shouldn't be standing anywhere near him. But you still felt a pull towards him and you weren't so sure if it was a side effect. Maybe you were crazy—actually, scratch that, you were definitely crazy—but you actually kind of liked Jisung. He protected you from his parents and was willing to take whatever the devil was going to throw at him. So you lay your head on his chest and the heat is already scorching your skin. The fast rhythm of his heartbeat almost rocks you as his hands wrap around your shoulders and you stand there for a moment. He was a little stiff but you could tell he was trying his best. When you let go, his face is different. He's smiling at you and there's this gleam in his eyes that you'd never seen before. Then there's something pulling you towards him, an unexplainable compulsion to kiss him. He doesn't move as you lean in to peck your lips on his warm ones. It's like his limbs are frozen and for the first time in his life, he doesn't know what to do. He's never encountered someone like you before. Someone so beautiful and smart. You were the only person that could ever make him feel anything other than complete misery and he was so sad to let you go. He didn't want to let you go and he didn't have to. You were his slave, after all. But you had asked him to and he couldn't find it in him to deny you. Finally, his instincts kick in and his eyes close as he kisses you back. It's the most intimate kiss you've ever had and you find your hands pulling his shirt to pull him closer to you, wanting more but suddenly he's gone. You look around your room to find it empty. He left. He left you. Just like you asked.

"Jisung?" your voice breaks as you call out. "Jisung??"

Your door bursts open causing you to flinch.

"Hey, what do you feel like for dinner?" your mom walks in. "Sweetie, what's wrong?"

   You try to stop the tears from falling but you fail as you burst into sobs. Your mom runs over and hugs you, begging for you to tell her what's going on but you can't. You can't tell anyone. No one could ever know.

-

   You think about Jisung every day for the next two years. How could you not? His face was branded into your mind, his voice a never-fading memory. You like to think he was okay. That whatever battles he had to face with his creator went successfully. You hoped he was free and happy. You imagine he watches over you from time to time, just to see how you've grown and what you were up to.    For some time, he's everywhere you look. You'd see a flash of blonde and go running to catch him, no matter where you were. In the end, you never caught him. It was always your mind playing tricks on you. Your friends and family grew concerned but those concerns faded away as the spottings did. Every hot summer day reminded you of him. Even the heaters in the winter made you think of him. He was always in the back of your brain.    After a while, it felt like it was all one big fever dream. The only reminder that it was real was the poorly written entries of your old diary. That, and one other thing.    One day, you come home to find a necklace on your bed, the glowing red stone flaring up the memory of the matching one his mother wore. He was alive. He hadn't forgotten about you. The smile that adorned your lips was big enough to give one the impression it was a gift from your lover. You vowed to wear it every day, thanking Jisung aloud, and you swear you feel his presence in the room for a moment, a rush of heat flowing into your bedroom and then it's gone.

[shewritestheblues]

You Know I Love You II

ONE

Erik Killmonger x Reader

Warnings: None 

Part 2/2 - I may or may not do a part III to this. I have some other stuff I wanna write. But thanks so much for reading. excuse any typos. I wrote this while wine drunk. :)

**

Erik has kept his eyes on you. When you went to work, the gym, the grocery store. How do you think he knew when you made it back to your apartment with the flowers? When you found out about his ‘side piece,’ he felt… foolish. He knew he messed up. He knew you weren’t the type to sit around and cry about stuff. You gave yourself maybe an hour after he left that night to cry your eyes out and you pulled yourself together. You didn’t chase people. You spent a bulk of your existence doing that and that’s not who you were anymore. You would move on because that’s what life did. Time kept going regardless and you vowed to do the same.

You were sitting at your favorite table at your favorite coffee shop. You had your headphones in, completely zoned out trying to finish up your latest blog. A cup appeared on your table and when you looked up, the person standing there took your breath. She was taller in person. The high pony she sported really brought her round face. You could see your reflection in the gloss on her lips. She looked nervous. You sat silently, glaring up at her waiting for her to say something.

“Um,” she started, “I think you know who I am. Can we talk?”

You clench and unclench your jaw and she could see the conflict in your eyes. You could politely say no and go back to working, you could stand up and punch her in the throat or… you could hear what she has to say. Option one was out the door. It was either fight or listen. You chose to listen.

“Sure.” your eyes travel her form up and down. You don’t bother moving any of your things to make room for her. She was invading your space after all.

You stared at her blankley. She needed to start talking before you changed your mind and start dragging her through this shop. You clear your throat and she took a deep breath before beginning to speak.

“I’m Leah.”

You continue to stare at her with the most unbothered expression. She wipes her palms on her jeans and perks up like she’s been hit with a sudden burst of confidence.

“Me and Erik have been dating for a couple of months now. He didn’t tell me about you at first.” your face didn’t change as she continued on. “Anyways, I just wanted to tell you that you need to leave him alone now.”

You scoff at that. “Wow.” you mouthed. You look around you to make sure that she’s really talking to you.

“I’m being dead ass girl. He’s mine now and you need to move on.”

“Me? I need to move on?” you were in disbelief. Erik has been blowing your phone up and sending you gifts every single day since you put him out. Yet, his-- whatever she is, is here bothering you. Before you could continue, Leah’s eyes move passed you at something behind you. You feel a large presence glooming over you and when you look up, Erik is standing just inches away from you with his dark eyes glaring at Leah. Leah smirks at him. His eyebrows connect with a scowl.

“The fuck are you doing here?” he spat at her.

She opens her mouth to speak but you beat her to it. “She was telling me how happy y’all are and that I need to move on and leave her man alone.” you end your word with a smile.

Leah didn’t add or deny anything that you said. She seemed content with your reply.

“I’m not your man. I never fucking was.” he grabbed her arm, bringing her to her feet. “You need to go.”

You watched confused. At this point you were wondering how in the hell did either of them know where you were. The realization hit you like a ton of bricks. Erik had been watching you. Leah had been watching him, watch you.

“I’m not leaving, Erik.” Leah snatched her arm away and folded her arms over her chest. “You need to end this now.”

“End what?”

“You and her.” she pointed between the two of you.

“I’m not ending shit with her. You need to get that through your thick ass skull. I been told you I was done with you. The fuck you keep crawling back for?” Erik was now hovering over Leah’s slim body, snarling at her.

Her eyes began to water. She tried to blink it away but she was shaking. “What about me, Erik? You think you can just fuck me and that’s it?” she was yelling now and causing attention to be casted onto the three of you. Erik was pissed. Her eyes grew big, sensing the danger she was in if she didn’t back down. You swiftly began packing up your things.

“That shit was one time!” he barked. “And I shouldn’t have done that. You crazy bitch!”

You stormed passed the yelling duo. You had so many feelings rushing through you right now and you just wanted to run. You had walked to the coffee shop since it was only a few blocks from your apartment so you began power walking back home. Tears were filling the brim of your eyes as you walked.

“Y/N!” Erik calls out to you. He jogs to catch up to you. “Baby, can you please hear me out?”

“What Erik! What is it that you have to say?” You’ve had enough. You just wanted this to be over already. Your mind was already made up. You were sick of Erik’s bullshit.

“Y/N… I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry? That’s all you have to say?”

Erik pulled you to the side, out of the way of passing people on the street. “Of course not. You know I love you, Y/N. I just--”

“Spit it out, Erik.” a lone tear had began to fall and Erik rubbed it away with his thumb. You didn’t even have the energy to move away.

“I’ve only been in love once before you. You know that. That didn’t end well and I guess--”

“Really Erik? So I’m supposed to suffer because that bitch had a baby on you? That’s not my fault. I’ve been nothing but good to you. I’ve loved you. I helped you heal.” You let the tears fall as you let out a deep, shaky breath. “I’m supposed to be your wife, E.” That last part came out low. The pain in your voice traveled through Erik’s entire body. His chest became tight seeing you hurt this way.

“It was one time.” his large hands cup your cheeks. He was pleading with you now.

“One time doesn’t make someone believe that y’all are together. She clearly was keeping tabs on you to find me.”

“I swear, it was one time. I know this isn’t an excuse but this whole wedding planning shit was getting heavy. Seeing it all made it real and I got scared. I didn’t want to get all the way there and then my heart gets broken again.”

“Do you really think I would ever do anything to hurt you?”

“I know you wouldn’t. I was being stupid and letting people get in my head.”

You shake your head. You wipe your face of your tears with the sleeves of your hoodie. You were done crying. He doesn’t get anymore. “No,” you look him in the eye. “I’ve been nothing but good to you. I was actually thinking about forgiving you. But this bitch really had the balls to approach me. I don’t need that in my life Erik. I need to know that the man I’m going to marry is honest with me. That he won’t be out here just fucking around on me and disturbing my peace.. OUR PEACE.” Erik tried to get a word in but you wouldn’t allow him. “How do I know this bitch won’t quit? How do I know that when another major event happen for us, you won’t get scared and pull some shit like this again? Huh?”

“It won’t!” his voice was laced with the need to get through to you.

“Yeah, it won’t.” You dug into the front pocket of your purse and pulled out your engagement ring. You placed it in his palm and you could’ve sworn you heard his heart break. Erik’s breathing was heavy and his palm was hot. “I did everything right and it still wasn’t enough for you, Erik. I love you. I swear I do, but I don’t deserve this.”

You made your way back onto the sidewalk to continue your journey home. Erik called out to you. The hurt in his voice almost made you turn back to him… almost. But you had promised to never be that person again. You wouldn’t put someone else’s hurt before your own. No one was worth your sanity. Not even your husband to be. Like you did two weeks ago, you could give yourself time to feel this but you would bounce back. You always did.

Tags: @chaneajoyyy @raysunshine78 @alexundefined @elaindeereads @tgigoldie @shaekingshitup @soufcakmistress @ohliyaxoxo​ @steampunkprincess147​ @soulfxll​ @dangerous-history @abeautifulmindexposed @itsjustshanie @keiva1000 @rbhp 

[fiction-in-my-blood]

Switching Sides: Part 2 (HLITF)

Aaaannndddd once again I would LOVE to thank my girl @theshove for being my editor in chief and making my writing reach a HIGHER level I could never reach without your help. Thank you so much for making sense of my poorly grammar-ed sentences haha. 

Also, if anyone possibly wants to get on a tag list I’d be happy to make one 

👉👈

If you wanna catch up, Part 1 is right here! Happy reading :)

Premise: Growing up in a life of crime in a Japanese mafia, Atsuko Motomori has seen enough injustice to last her a lifetime. To try and give back to the universe her family has taken so much from, she dreams of being a detective from a young age. Her twin, sharing her disgust for her father and many uncles, just wants an ordinary life away from the crime, paing and suffering. Instead, she wants to be in the spotlight with the soft notes she makes with her cello. In their escape of 2015, on their coming of age birthday, they must split ways, never to be together ever again. If one was found, they didn’t want the other dragged down with them. Atsuko, having changed her name and appearance as best she can without a scalpel, sets off to start her life of car chases and arrests.

Four years in a seemingly dead-end police station in the middle of nowhere, being passed over time after time for promotion, Atsuko finally gets a shot at her dream, having been sent to an academy for the best candidates in the country by her boss who had always kept an eye out for her. After discovering her boss may have made her bite off more than she could chew, Atsuko must become the slave of a dominating instructor!? Who so just happens to be the captain of the most famous police unit in Japan? Not to mention a total knockout! Will Atsuko finally achieve her dream? Or will her new instructor put her through the wringer?

Warnings: Language, reference to sexual activity/forceful nature.

~~~~~~

‘A servant? Did he confuse that with a full-time aid?’ I tried to reason with his wording of my job title. As the room was lit by the setting sun and filters out into the corridor, I stood there in silence, thinking about what I'd just gotten myself into.

"Motomori, who will you partner with?" Ishigami closed the book of names and held it under his arm, keeping a close eye on how I was reacting. Letting my eyes meet each one of the detectives' before me, I took in a deep breath to calm my nerves. 

"Instructor Kaga, please," I announced. Although he seemed the most stern out of all the men, I took that as a sign of someone worn away by his experience. Which only meant there was more to learn from him. Right?

The announcement of my choice of instructor led Shinonome to laugh at my bravado. "Now that's something. Choosing Hyogo is pretty fitting for our little overachiever." The youngest instructor couldn't help but sound amused as the man I had chosen showed a concerned expression. As he looked me up and down, I stood with more confidence than I really had. 

After the Captain's silent review of me, Ishigami progressed through the other pairings. I glanced at Kaga and saw him taking a phone call. "Yeah... I'll take care of it." With his back turned to me, I only heard a minuscule amount of the conversation. 

"Kaga, you'll be going after this person." When the other Captain tried to hand over a folder, which I was sure had the case we should be working on inside, Kaga continued his conversation while pointing in my direction. He told Ishigami to give me the folder holding the information we'd need for the undercover assignment. 

"These are documents for the instructor." Ishigami frowned, obviously tired of Kaga's dismissiveness. Kaga begrudgingly took the folder before thrusting it into my chest. 

"Read it." He demanded and then finished his phone call. 

"I'm sure you understand, but-" Ishigami was cut off by Kaga crossing his arms. 

"I understand perfectly well." His mood seemed to worsen as the two talked. They continued to bicker as the rest of the instructors watched. I'm sure it was difficult to butt in on the Captains' discussions. 

"Squad leaders should get along..." Shinonome frowned as we watched, me not knowing what else to do except just stand there. 

"These two will go as far as a fistfight." Instructor Soma's comment made me worry that all the expensive equipment in this room would be damaged if someone didn't intervene soon enough. When Soma directed a question to Goto to see if he agreed, the messy-haired man just stood there in silence. 

"I can hear all of you." Kaga scowled as he took a cigarette out of his suit pocket. I knew smoking wasn't allowed in the building, having seen the signs next to most of the doorways, however I decided it best not to make him aware. ‘I mean, he has worked here longer than me.’

‘He is the freaking instructor, Atsuko.’ The voice in my head made me want to metaphorically face-palm. It was clear just by the way the instructor stood he didn’t care much for rules or regulations. 

"Don't get in my way." As he walked towards the door, Kaga made what sounded like a threat to me. 

"Didn't even think about it." I forced a smile, knowing full well he would likely trample over me if I took even a step out of line. If I was going to learn from this man, I would have to watch what he did instead of asking questions. 

"What're you standing around for? Come." Turning back to where I had been standing, I woke myself up from the pit of despair I had thrown myself into. 

‘What did you think was going to happen?’ I quickly followed as he gestured me over with a jerk of his head. 

~~~~~~

Sitting in the Captain's car, I couldn't help but feel anxious with the silence that thickened the air. According to the file given to us by Ishigami, we had to infiltrate a beach bar... But we were heading in the opposite direction from the sea. We were driving downtown. 

"Umm, sir, the file says the destination is-" Kaga, once again, cutting somebody off mid sentence. 

"Shut up," he spat, taking me aback with how rude he was. 

‘I guess that ‘scum’ comment wasn't too out of character for him, then’ I thought, stricken into silence but sighing on the inside. I turned to gaze out the window, praying that I could get through the day without being caught out for being inferior to what my file suggested. 

~~~~~~

When we stopped, I found myself inside a love hotel. My heart raced with worry, recognising the name as a brand my father ran when I was still living at home. He was a gang leader. With a strong mafia at that. He had his dirty little fingers in every industry that had some form of shady business going on. It's what made me hate him so much. The things he did, the things he made me watch, it's what made me want to become a detective. I wanted to pay the universe back for all the bad stuff he had done, and maybe one day find the evidence to arrest him. God knows, the police he had under his claws and henchmen doing his dirty work had delayed that for long enough. 

We made our way to the room booked for us, or, more aptly, for Kaga. Meanwhile, I tried to hide my face from the receptionist as discreetly as I could, not wanting them to somehow recognise me. Even though I did my makeup differently from when I was younger, had dyed my hair black from its original brown, dressed differently and even held myself differently, there wasn't much else I could do to change my appearance without making it trackable. I couldn't get surgery because then I would be in the government system; I know, somehow, they'd be able to track me, even if the profile I had now was completely different. 

"Hey, um... What're we doing here?"  I asked as I closed the door behind me, the eeriness of the red room making my eyes dart around for any hidden cameras or listening devices. I remembered my father telling me about all the politicians he had on tape and all the people he’d bribed with that information.

"I'm pretty sure I said shut up." Kaga spat, also inspecting the room. I frowned at his rudeness and flipped the switch that turned on the electricity for the room. All the lights went out, causing Kaga to spin around and glare at me in the darkness.

"Don't you know what your position is? Don't interfere." His frown deepened as he stormed back to where I was standing. He was obviously offended I had turned off the lights. 

"Love hotels are famous for secret cameras. They're turned on when the electricity switch is flipped. I thought you wouldn't want to risk getting caught." I smiled up to him with a spiteful thought hidden behind it. ‘This guy…’

Probably annoyed with how much sense my statement made, Kaga turned back to the centre of the room. ‘Is he really that easily annoyed?’ I chuckled to myself, not wanting to be reprimanded for intentionally frustrating my instructor.

The two of us were now alone in a dark room with nothing but a bed and mirrors on the ceiling. Not to mention a love hotel. I was painfully aware of what the room represented and everything that had ever happened in it due to the stillness in the air with the air-con off. Memories of what my father encouraged my sister and I to do in our youth flashed back, causing me to shake them out of my head. 

"Why're you so nervous?" Sitting on the large bed, Kaga raised his brow at me while I stood awkwardly away from him. I could see a concerned look on the Captain's face as he brought me back to earth. I could tell he wasn't concerned about my feelings, but rather about how naive and stupid I must seem. I didn't want to walk any further into the establishment than I had to, so I stuck my ground. 

"N-No reason." I grew shy, knowing I had no connection to my past life on my file and not wanting him to have a clue to think I would. 

"Oh?" A mischievous grin grew on my instructor's face and my senses heightened. With that, Kaga grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me down onto the bed aggressively. Even though he was only holding my wrist, I struggled to move. My heart began to race in fear of what he was trying to do. Growing up with the most erratic people as guardians, I didn't want to guess what his plan was. 

"This morning was totally screwed up, thanks to you." He frowned down at me, that same demeaning look conveyed on his surprisingly handsome face. You would never guess his personality was as cruel as he was if it wasn't for the eternal crease between his brows. Feeling the anxiousness of an expected punishment, my breath gets caught in my throat. 

"How do you plan on making it up to me?" His grin returned as he held my wrists harder than necessary. Despite the smirk, his eyes were cold and expressionless. There was no way I was going to allow what he was insinuating to happen, so I pushed against his hands with all my might while somehow snaking my foot high enough to push on his stomach. 

However, before I could attempt to catapult him off, he covered my mouth with his hand. I looked at him like he was crazy, but because I hadn’t done much training lately, I couldn’t push him off me.

"Don't talk." He hissed, rising up from being inches away from my face. Then, I saw him pull something from my ear. It was an earpiece, making me wonder when he was able to put it there, not to mention without my knowing it was there. "This will make for a huge amount of evidence." He explained to himself. My mind, already in disarray, went into a confusion like no other. "It was worth the effort of getting it on." He looked at me suggestively as I sat up with unsure thoughts. 

‘So... He didn't lead me here for something worse?’ My brows furrowed as I thought back to the moments leading up to this, embarrassed and angry that I thought it would come to that. It was concerning to see his demeanour change from what I just saw to the victorious look on his face. He looked down at me, still sitting on the bed with a dejected expression, seemingly noticing my staring. 

"What're you just sitting there for?" He laughed at my appearance, my apprehension rising due to how laid back he was. Maybe it was because of where I was, but I was more sensitive to the casual restriction he just put me in. I looked away, not wanting to say something I'd regret. 

Then, I felt him leaning over me and I quickly turned my gaze back to him. I panicked. His face was nearer than I expected it to be as he jerked forward. I jumped back, the memories of intimidation tactics used on me before resurfacing from my past. 

"Did you really think I was being serious earlier?" He almost laughed at the notion. "Unfortunately for you, I don't have any problems with women." He inched closer again and it took everything in my being to not smack that pretty face of his. If I assaulted a detective, I would be expelled from the academy and likely arrested. Not to mention the scene it would cause being dragged out of here. "I'm not so desperate that I'd go after some inexperienced brat." He smirked before getting up from the bed, talking to me like I was the idiot. 

"What did you bring me here for..." Having had the time to understand that I would be safe and de-escalate my anger, I quickly regathered myself and straightened my back. "...If not for my training?" Looking at his suited back, I started to think back to why I was actually here. 

"I've got more important things to do than that useless nonsense." He explained spitefully. 

‘Then why become an instructor?’ I scowled to myself, knowing full well this man had no intention of teaching anyone anything. 

"Well, thanks to you so boldly choosing me, I pulled off some undercover work." He turned with another victorious smile. I was frozen silent, not knowing what would come out of this intimidating man's mouth next. Then, he pulled out his cellphone. 

"It's me. Yeah... the bug was a success. I've got enough evidence, so I'm withdrawing. You keep on going, sneak in and stay on the guy's tail." When he ended the call with his subordinate, the Captain quickly headed for the door. I was still frozen, trying to calm my racing heart from the panic I was in before.

"What're you doing?" Kaga turned back to me. "Staying?" My gaze darted up at the horrifying idea. 

"If you are, go search the room next door. Make sure you come back here." At the mere notion of real detective work,. Before I could say a thing, the frowning returned. 

"Too bad. You're not ready." The curt response was a deep cut to my confidence. Searching a room for anything fishy was probably one of the only things I came to the academy being able to do. But, before I could speak my piece, Kaga turned and left. 

~~~~~~

By that night, the long, rigorous day had completely worn me out; I'm sure my classmates also fared the same. I arrived at the dorms the academy made us stay in and threw myself onto my couch. ‘Could Kaga's mission possibly be for an investigation on my father?’ I thought back to where the excursion took place and the idea made my heart flutter. For years I had wished and prayed for retribution for all the wrong-doings my father and his goons had accomplished. The thought of his vicious crimes being aired out like dirty laundry brought a smile to my weary face. 

Getting off the comfortable couch, I retrieved a box from under my bed. It was small and light; there wasn't much in it. I opened it to find loads of old photographs. Some of them were heartwarming: my twin sister and I playing around or hugging each other. 

But, I’d only put them in there to hide what I was really storing: Pictures of crime scenes my father had left out in our living room or secluded garden. I once caught him in the act; that photo was in there too. I had an old tie with blood on it. A passport with a different identity than I had registered into the academy with. My mother's ring was knocking around in there somewhere. 

I hardly knew my mother. There are no pictures of us together and no one talked about her after she left us. The ‘family’. She couldn't take what my father and his ‘brothers’ did any longer and ran away, leaving her two daughters behind. I'm pretty sure she's dead now. Otherwise my father would have found her at some point. 

I came to realise that soon before my 18th birthday that my father didn't really care about us; he just wanted a lineage. So, I somehow convinced my sister to run with me. I assured her that I had a plan that would get us the lives we wanted for a little while. I had trained to go on the run; my father taught me all the techniques the cops used to track fugitives. That, along with a little help from a friend from my youth judo club, was all I needed to get us new identities and places to live. It wasn't easy at first, having to split from the person you had literally been with since birth. But, it was the only way to ensure one of us would be safe if the other was caught. 

It was also difficult to work up a good enough resume to get myself into the police force. The name Atsuko Motomori had never existed before four years ago. It was risky to lie about the qualifications I had when, in my past life, I never gained any. I was homeschooled to ensure I wouldn't be coaxed away by true, lawful policemen investigating my father or my ‘uncles’.

Looking through these memories and reliving my awful excuse for a childhood, I happily remembered why I was condemning myself to this place and people like Captain Kaga. I wanted to make sure my sister and I would be safe. And the only way I could do that was by locking them all up for the rest of their lives.

As I mulled over the bloody scenes within the box, I heard a knock at my door. I jumped, not used to company, and knocked the box off my lap. 

"Crap!" I whispered to myself, trying to clear everything away as quickly as possible. 

"Who is it?" I called out after collecting most of the contents, having double-checked the area for any compromising pictures. 

"Atsuko~! I come with food!" The cheery voice of my only female ally chimsed from the other side of the door. 

"Naruko, what're you doing here?" I questioned while opening the door. The food she was trying to bribe me with was a pack of potato chips and a soda from the vending machines downstairs. 

"I'm pooped, so I thought you might be even more worse off." The bubbly attitude helped her push herself into my dorm room. 

"You're not wrong there." Happy to have some form of womanly friendship after so many years of trying to keep to myself, I lazily followed her to the couch. 

"So how was it with the Satan reincarnate?" She giggled to herself, lowering her voice at the insulting part of her question. Maybe she feared he would hear her. I wouldn't be surprised if they had us under surveillance to see what we did after hours. Or if the Captain had supersonic, selective hearing. 

"It was... an experience." Trying to keep up my half of the deal I made with my instructor, I put on a tired smile. Kaga promised to pass me if I didn't tell anyone he had bunked the undercover training. 

"You want a drink? I think I've got some tea somewhere." Quickly attempting to change the subject, I wandered off to the small kitchenette in the corner of my room. 

As I prepared the beverages, Naruko spoke up out of nowhere. 

"Oh, Atsuko, what's this?" She called out and my blood ran cold. ‘Did I miss a picture? Was it something possibly incriminating?’ Wild thoughts circulated my brain at the possibility of getting caught. Having gory images of dead men stored away in my room wouldn't be easily explained. 

Hesitantly, I turned with a questioning smile, just waiting for her to let out some form of horror or disgust. Instead, though, I found her looking at an old polaroid photo with a loving smile. 

"You didn't tell me you had a sister!" She asked and I cocked my head, glancing at the image she waved at me. It was of my sister and I, building sandcastles on a beach when we were kids. My heart stopped as I remembered the scene.

That picture was of the day before my mother left. She had somehow convinced my father to let her take us out- which was a strange occurrence. Even if my father wasn't overbearing, which he definitely was, she didn't like going out much. It was summer and hot, and we would only annoy him, being locked in the house. I'm pretty sure I remembered at least three bodyguards surrounding our section of the sand, though.

I smiled at the painful memory, a happy one buried underneath so much hurt, and looked at the brown-haired girl with two short pigtails, dressed in a pink bathing suit. I don't think I've had a smile that big on my face in a long time. 

"Well, I, uh..." Not knowing how to respond, I just made noises. 

"She must be so proud of you for making it into this academy." She laughed and the statement only hurt me. 

"She's not really in my life anymore." I smiled sadly sitting next to her so I could look at the picture more in-depth. I could see a sliver of a man in a suit to the left of the picture's edge, closest to where I was, and something was slightly poking out of his waistband. To Naruko, it probably looked like a shadow of a tree or something less sinister than what it was, but it was likely one of the bodyguards with a gun hidden away. 

"O-Oh, I'm sorry, Atsuko." Naruko sounded so sad to hear I wasn't in contact with my sister anymore. We did look really happy in that picture. 

"Nah, it's alright. That's just how life goes." I took the picture from her and looked at it for a bit longer, concentrating more on my sister's face, even though it was an exact replica of mine, before slipping it through the crack between the lid of the box and the box itself. I didn't want my new friend catching a glimpse of anything in there.

"You sound so wise," Naruko giggled, maybe trying to help me feel happier again and lighten the mood.

"You make me sound like an old man," I laughed, jokingly hitting her arm like I was offended. 

"You shouldn't say such wistful things then." She laughed back as I headed back to the kettle to pour us some tea. 

We chatted for a little longer, mainly about what her training had consisted of, before Naruko went back to her room. Once she was gone, I sighed, glad that the picture she had found underneath my coffee table wasn't anything more frightening. Sliding the small box back under my bed, I began getting ready for a good night's rest. 

~~~~~~

Waking up the next day was... rough. Staying up later, thanks to Naruko, and the subconscious worry I’d because of what happened at the love hotel, I’d probably only got a few hours of sleep. 

‘Right, I have to get today right, at least’, I told myself, throwing my legs over the side of my bed. Ishigami already had it in for me because of the train situation - I'm sure all of the special instructors did - but I wasn't going to let that stop me from doing my best. ‘For us.’ Thinking back to the picture that had been found on my floor, I used that as encouragement to continue my life as though nothing had happened.

~~~~~~

In my first class, I could see Naruko already sitting down. She commented on how she hadn't seen me in the cafeteria for breakfast. "I wonder whose fault that is?" I playfully blamed her for making me wake up late. As we continued to chat mindlessly, I couldn’t help but think back to the limited facilities the academy had for women. ‘Well, at least the food and living quarters are good.’ 

"The real lectures are finally going to start today." Likely having it easier than I had yesterday, Naruko had a fire of ambition in her eyes. Luckily, our first class was in the classroom and not martial arts training, otherwise her passion might hurt someone. Our lectures consisted of a wide range of expert topics ranging from using tracking equipment to how to de-escalate a situation to undercover work. 

As we discussed what we would be studying here, the memory of how I was handled yesterday manifested on my wrists. I rubbed them, trying to get rid of the feeling of Kaga's hands. 

"Something wrong?" Noticing my anxiousness, Naruko peered into my face. As I told her “I’m fine”, she remembered how we never talked about my experiences yesterday. 

"I'm pretty sure I passed. If not, I don't think I'd still be here." I laughed off the subject, knowing how strict the instructors seemed to my friend. 

"Did you hear? Students who failed were severely punished." An uneasy expression laid itself on Naruko's face and I also started to feel sympathy for those that weren't as lucky as us. As we wondered about what the punishments were, Naruko got that grin she’d had during the ceremony yesterday. 

"I wonder what kind of punishment I would have gotten." The excited aura she was giving off only made a chill run down my back thinking about how much worse the Captain could be.

Intruding on my thoughts, the instructor delivering our lecture walked in and started the lesson. When it was over, I rushed to change into the attire I would need for our next bout of training on the grounds.

~~~~~~

As Naruko and I arrived on the pitch, everyone was lined up in front of Instructor Soma. He frowned at us, stating how late we were. "Sorry about that, Instructor. We took too long in the shower room." Maybe too casual with the man because of his usual laid back aura, we both bowed deeply. 

"Yes, there's no women's locker room, is there?" A small smile finally returned to his face as we rose again. "It's the first time, so I'll go easy on you. But, I won't go easy on you next time." Even though he looked kind, anyone could tell he didn't give any leeway. 

"There won't be a next time, sir," I replied rather confidently and the instructor almost seemed amused.

Naruko and I went to line up in the very back. The girl who couldn't seem to keep her feelings to herself whispered to me about how nice he seemed and how good looking he was. Thinking back to how Kaga treated me, I couldn't help but quietly agree. ‘There would definitely be no such leniency with him.’ I thought about all the awful punishments or torture methods the Captain could know as we continued our training.

Soma had us perform a fitness exam. We hadn't had a break since the class started when he called out my name to be tested. I stretched the pain out of my legs quickly, not wanting to cramp up. 

"Woah, Atsuko! You have a scary look in your eye!" Naruko, as tired out as I was, laughed nervously. You might say I was competitive. I would say I was trying to prove my worth to the classes of men who didn't think I belonged here. 

"Just tryna keep my head in the game." I jumped on my toes as the instructor called out my name again. "Coming!" 

Jogging over to him, I noticed that even the guys were looking visibly tired due to our endless training. I, on the other hand, although exhausted, had trained like this since I could walk. I was used to being able to hide the physical pain in order to not get shouted at for being weak. 

~~~~~~

For our last lecture of the day, feeling like I had been brought through the wringer, we all filtered into the Monitor Room. Maybe too nervous yesterday to get a good look at the room, I overheard my classmates gossiping about the surveillance equipment surrounding us. Not only were there cameras of the school grounds, but some screens showed destinations all over the country. 

"Don't you think just using this room would make for an easy investigation?" Overhearing one student comment, I couldn't help but agree. Knowing how much the pictures under my bed were worth, who knows how vital a video of a crime would be to an investigation. You just needed to be able to prove they weren't doctored. 

As the instructor lectured, I noticed Naruko resting on my shoulder. "Come on, Naruko. Just a bit longer." I shook her while keeping an eye out for anyone that might rat her out. 

"You can talk. You're a machine, Atsuko," she whined under her breath.

Suddenly, before I could laugh at her comment, another voice spoke up behind us. 

"Sasaki, go to the medical office if you're drowsy." Instructor Shinonome piped up and we both jumped to attention, having not felt anyone around us. Even though the man was grinning, there was something evil behind that childish face of his. 

"Ah! S-Sorry! I'm okay!" Naruko instantly woke up at the prospect of getting punished. 

"If anyone else wants to sleep, you can tell me. They put you through it on the first day, so I expect you're all tired." Shinonome's offer almost sounded like a chance to get us expelled. Or, it did to me anyway. Everyone else looked relieved at the kind sentiment. 

"Okay, that's all for today's class then. Great work everyone." A cheerful smile returned to his face as I eyed him suspiciously. The man I saw in the shower room on my first day was hidden under that friendly persona he had on. 

"Oh, right. Can those who I call stay after class for a moment?" And there it was! The not so innocent catch to his kind offer. Those who would be called were definitely being thrown to the wolves in order to save the rest of us.

As Shinonome began to read out the list, he directed his gaze to the monitor. He called out a few names before looking directly at me. "Lastly, Atsuko Motomori." His face had no note of malicious intent, however, I couldn't help but not trust it. As I gasped to myself, he dismissed our classmates. 

"Atsuko, what did you do?" Naruko whispered as our free classmates shuffled out around us. 

"I-I don't think I did anything?" I panicked, thinking back over the day, trying to find anything that could warrant me being reprimanded. Looking over to those also called, I could see they were just as nervous. Why were we the one's held back? 

‘Maybe... Kaga's mission was discovered?’ I couldn't help but wonder if we’d been caught as Naruko left me sitting where I was. 

"Don't be so nervous. I'm not going to get angry." The happy smile on Shinonome's face helped calm the others in the room. Even I was somewhat relieved by his words. "How were they? The lectures?" Directing his question at me, Shinonome looked over. 

"Educational! It's wonderful how good the facilities are." Trying to get on his good side, I didn't want to let myself look withered as I kept my voice light. 

"Well, the class seemed sleepy. Sasaki looked like she was nearly asleep." The comment didn't sit right with me, this being an elite academy and all.

"Well, as you said, they put us through it," I laughed, trying not to put Naruko in any deep water. 

"So, are you going to fall asleep on us as well? I'd have to punish you then." Shinonome cast me a look that probably didn't seem like anything to the other men in the room. But, to me, it seemed as untrustworthy as the rest of him. 

"Don't count on it." Not wanting to divulge my past of intense training, I just showed a soft smile. To be honest, I wouldn't mind a nap right now, but I wasn't going to admit that. The thought of any kind of punishment, which would likely be some form of harassment from him, had me on edge. 

"Too bad. I wonder if any students who I can have fun with will turn up soon?" His mischievous appearance reminded me of the look Kaga gave me yesterday and my eyes darted away. Even though Shinonome seemed actually happy and there was no emotion in Kaga's eyes, the concept of teasing made me uneasy. 

‘It's scary how he can talk like that and still smile.’ I thought about how his words didn't match the expression as the doors of the Monitor Room opened again. 

Throwing my gaze to the door, I watched Ishigami, Goto and Soma make their way inside. "You're all immediately going to be assigned as student aides to the instructors." Ishigami didn't miss a beat as all attention landed on him. 

"Simply put, you'll help the instructors file documents, prepare lectures and such," Soma added, helping the confused students out. I was shocked. I hadn't done anything special to get me a close position to any of the instructors, let alone have to deal with their grunt work. "Since we must continue our normal duties as Public Safety officers while we teach, we won't always have the time." With that comment, I finally understood why Kaga would agree to become an instructor- so he wouldn't have to do any of the work if he had a capable enough aide. I pitied the person that would have to undertake that role. 

"This is good experience, so although it will be difficult, we ask that you try." The encouraging words from Soma were much more trustworthy to me than Shinonome's slightly eerie ones. 

"Each instructor will get a full-time aide. Following the instructors will be an important role." Goto, as blunt as he had been at the introduction ceremony, crossed his arms as he stared down at all of us. Somehow, the silence that followed was more anxiety invoking than anything Shinonome could say. Soma was right, though. Being so close to an instructor all the time would be a perfect learning opportunity. 

"We will now announce the aides," Ishigami announced, retrieving his clipboard once again. "Instructor Kaga's aide will be Atsuko Motomori." The Captain was as stoic as ever as he read out the list. I, on the other hand, couldn't be more shocked. ‘Kaga seemed so annoyed by even my mere presence yesterday, why would he want me as an aide? He already thinks I'm a screw up because of the train incident.’ 

"What?" Ishigami glared at me as he heard my wordless gasp. 

"Nothing, sir. Sorry." I bowed my head in embarrassment of drawing attention to myself as I pondered over the events in the love hotel that could get me the chance to become an aide. ‘Is it because I chose him yesterday?’ I panicked, thinking back to the misplaced bravery I’d had when picking an instructor.

"Isn't this a good thing? You're one of the few to come back with him safely." Ayumu smirked at my worrisome state. ‘The only reason I was safe is because he didn't actually train me. There was no chance to get in harm's way. Except for the possible fallout of someone recognising me.’ 

"Shinonome, refrain from talking." Ishigami quickly progressed through the list of aides. Once he finished, he turned to me once again. He explained that Kaga was on an investigation mission and that I should go see him when he gets back. I hesitantly agreed, glad to have the time to prepare myself while he was out working. Unlike our permanent instructors, the guys from Public Safety weren't always around, which is probably why they need the help. 

As we were dismissed, I tried to remind myself what a good learning opportunity this could be.

~~~~~~

When the time came to see Instructor Kaga, as Shinonome had told me back in the Monitor Room, I headed to their staff room.

"Excuse me." I knocked on the door before opening it to find an office-like space. Kaga was sitting at one of the many chairs at the large table in the centre of the room. I stood in front of him in order to introduce myself. 

"I'm Motomori. Starting today I will be serving as your full-time aide." Straight-backed and trying to not look uncomfortable under his discerning gaze, I explained why I dared talk to him. 

"Oh?" His brows frowned, once again judging me for all I was worth. 

"I just came to let you know Instru-." However, before I could blame Ishigami for sending me here, I was interrupted.

"A full time aide?" He even seemed to ponder the idea before flat out rejecting me. "Useless, I have no need for an aide, so go." His blunt response threw me off a little. To be honest, I was surprised he didn't unenthusiastically jump at the idea for someone else to do his work. Losing the optimistic view of this assignment, I tried to explain that it had already been decided. 

"Don't need it." He quickly interrupted me again before turning his back on me. "Tell Ishigami for me," was the final thing he said before expelling my presence from the room.

~~~~~~

‘That was rougher than I thought it was going to be,’ I thought as I stood in the hallway, looking at the door signed 'Staff Room'. ‘But, I can't afford to back down here.’ More afraid of what Ishigami would say than what Kaga could do, I raised my fist to knock on the door. 

After hearing no reply, I began to get desperate. "Instructor, please!" I call out, not wanting to go back to Ishigami empty-handed.

"Shut up." The door flew open and there's Kaga, glaring down at me. The sudden action made me jump out of my skin in the silent corridor. "Let me spell this out for you since you don't seem to get it." The oncoming lecture was apparent when I felt like he was going to start insulting me for being so persistent. 

"I have no need for some useless piece." 

I won't lie, that statement struck home. The whole 'chessboard' way of thinking about people lower than you was exactly how my father treated us. I once confronted him about my mother's disappearance and all he could say was "she didn't know how to play the game. She's useless to us if she doesn't want to compete." That wording was something I never understood. How were you supposed to lead anyone if you didn't think anyone less than you was capable enough? 

As I thought about Kaga's statement, I tried to ignore the relation to the man who raised me. "If you give me a chance, I'm sure it'll get Ishigami off your back. He'll only complain to you if I go back to him now." I tried to reason with the side of him that hated his Captain counterpart and a wave of irritation flashed through his face. "I can do anything! I can file for you. I'll even do chores. Please!" I begged, hoping I was getting through to him. Maybe the idea of a maid would make him reflect on the idea. Then, he finally looked at me without that concerned expression. 

"Anything, you say?" He looked me up and down as I agreed, not thinking about the consequences of those words. Then, he narrowed his eyes and opened his mouth. 

"You can be my servant." The growing smirk on his face made me a little uneasy. It was that same grin of victory he’d showed when he’d collected the evidence from the love hotel. 

"Excuse me?" Was all I could utter out to ensure I’d heard him right. 

"You can be my full-time servant. How many times do I have to say it?" The disconcerting frown returned as his eyebrows creased together again.