#I really do need to learn to be more succinct

[quibbs126]

So because I was drawing Reno and Ceres earlier when I was waiting at my dentist appointment (I meant to post what I had drawn but I’m too lazy to now), I decided to just look at theirs and Menos’ sprites to compare their designs and similarities

And while I don’t know how clear I’ve made the spoilers of this game, this technically would count as major endgame spoilers (and mid game for Reno technically), so I’ll just put the rest under the cut to be safe

Okay first off, I just want to question why Menos’ sprite is so small, at least relative to his proportions. Like, it’s very noticeable in the sprite sheet I have. I’d say it’s because he’s because a bigger character, but other big characters like Lothair and Dalkin have sprites that don’t look shrunken, why does Menos? I don’t know, it just bugs me

Anyways, back to the actual topic, yeah no, Menos shares very little design details in common with his kids

I actually went and also did a thing with both similarities and differences on a OneNote page, and the differences between them far outweigh the similarities, especially with Reno, who really only has a bit of his hair and the scowl

Maybe if Menos and/or Ceres were to ever undo their ponytails, there’d be a bit more similarity? Like, Menos’ hair puffs up to look all spiky like Reno when he takes it out. I don’t know

Also, I had another conclusion based on this little experiment (but I thought the other conclusion was funnier)

Because like honest to god, Ceres really does have more similarities to her dad than Reno does. On my OneNote page, Ceres comes in with about 5 similarities I could find, while Reno only has around 2-3 similarities (the - is due to the fact that I don’t know if Reno having somewhat of an angular head counts or not. It’s more similar than Ceres, but it’s not what Menos’ head looks like and is more rounded). And quite honestly, I don’t know how much the scowl counts either. I feel like if you were to ask someone which of these two is Menos’ kid (while providing the context of additional family members like Arthus and Velvet for Ceres), they’d be more likely to say Ceres

Though granted, some of those similarities do have to do with the fact that Ceres is a half Demon, while Menos and Reno are both full, so Demon traits would have to come from Menos and those things wouldn’t apply with Reno, but she does still look more similar

And I have to ask, why is that? Why does it feel easier to tell that the character that we aren’t supposed to know the parentage of until the very end is Menos’ child than the character whom, at least when first named, we are explicitly told is his child?

I feel like the reasons Reno look so different boil down to A: they wanted to keep the twist for mid game and not make it super obvious from the get go, and B: Reno was designed to look like what he default Demon looks like, considering that his design has so many of the typical Demon traits (though he still looks distinct in his own right)

I mean I can definitely see where the designers would be coming from with the second option, considering he, Cherry and Plum would be the first Demons you ever meet, and some of the only. However, despite the limited amount of Demons, we actually do see other, standard looking Demons when we visit the Demon Camp, so the point kind of falls flat

Also, Reno’s Past design, the one we first see when he’s named and told to be Menos’ son, already looks incredibly similar to the Present design, so if you didn’t forget the Present Demons (which I think you are supposed to, since a lot more happens in between these two meetings, enough to forget, but maybe that’s just justification for me because I always forget by that point in the story), you’ve likely already figured out the twist. So like, why not just have Reno look more like his dad? It’s another couple hours before we see him again anyways

I don’t necessarily need him to look like a mini Menos clone (though the immediate image of that in my head is funny to me), but give him at least something, right? Like, the eyebrows maybe at least?

I feel like Menos actually has this down with his own dad, where they noticeably share similarities but are still pretty distinct from one another

You could also maybe apply this to Ceres, she also doesn’t look much like her dad, but I can at least justify it by her being a hybrid, the fact that we aren’t supposed to know her heritage until literally the ending scene, the fact that she is being carried by (presumably) recessive genes color wise, and probably also the fact that they’re different genders. Reno has less excuses

I mean, I guess none of this really matters, but it’s just like, you keep taking this man away from his kids, can they at least have some of his looks?

Maybe I should try redesigning them with that in mind, but that’s a thing for later

[creatingblackcharacters]

“On Human Dignity.”  Blackness, Gender & Sexuality

Two things:

As usual, there’s historical and social context that I need explain! This lesson is not what sexuality is, or ‘how to write being gay while Black’. That’s… not that different from you. What this lesson is, is context on how Blackness plays a role in our presentation and understanding of gender and sexuality (as well as your perception of it), and how that’s something you should consider in your characterization, writing, and character design.

I DO NOT KNOW EVERYTHING! The reason this took so long was because I read multiple books and wallowed in my remaining lack of understanding. I cannot join The Tumblr Discourse so do not ask. I tried to be as inclusive as I could, but I learn something new on this app every day, so if I miss something- and I’m bound to- I apologize in advance. Please have grace with me.

TW: Sexual assault mention, homophobia, misogynoir, cannibalism, misgendering

“That’s that White People Shit"

I’m putting the hardest part first; walk with me, you’ll be fine!

I will be honest: this section here, while I do think you should know, I don’t really expect nonblack people to incorporate it in depth. Not because it cannot be done, but because it is a sensitive topic that we ourselves are still struggling with. If you have struggled with anything else while writing Black characters up to this point, this one certainly isn’t for you to touch. Just keep in mind!

There’s an idea I’ve heard before on both sides that Black people are more likely to be homophobic, that queerness itself is white. That is a ridiculous belief, but the root of it ends up right back where you think it would: slavery! I’m sure that you saw me post while I was reading The Delectable Negro by gay Black author Vincent Woodard. I shared those increasingly uncomfortable quotes on purpose! If you have a desire to understand Black culture and Black thought, that means being willing to acknowledge Black pain. How can you avoid stereotypes if you avoid learning their source?  

While I will be using quotes from the entire book, the specific chapter of “Eating Nat Turner” is a succinct explanation of why admitting to the presence of homosexuality, gender fluidity, and queer identity within the Black community is so difficult for my people. While I highly, HIGHLY recommend reading this chapter yourself, it essentially comes down to how admitting to such a potential vulnerability in the armor of Blackness, in gender identity and particularly Black masculinity, would allow white supremacy to destroy us as a people, to do validate doing even more cruel things to us when in a position of power over us. It’s a defensive reaction based in trauma that disregards and discards the queer members of our own community as a threat, a liability when it comes to fighting against the ubiquitous presence of white supremacy.

“Intuitively, Black gay men understood the issue of homosexuality during slavery as a complex phenomenon shaped by a number of factors, including the nation’s unresolved relationship to the legacy of slavery, Black liberatory ideology dating back to slavery, and, most importantly, the maintenance of traditional notions of family and community that originated in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries. The legacy and memory of slavery had a powerful effect that left many Black gay men feeling isolated from and rendered invisible within Black communities.

Joseph Beam said it first and best: “I cannot go home as who I am. . . . When I speak of home, I mean not only the familial constellation from which I grew, but the entire Black community: the Black press, the Black church, Black academicians, the Black literati, and the Black left… I am most often rendered invisible, perceived as a threat to the family, or am tolerated if I am silent and inconspicuous.” … As Philip Brian Harper has noted, the Black homosexual functioned in the twentieth century as an index for Black masculine anxieties. These ranged from the very personal and painful anxieties of lynching, castration, and the denial of civil rights to a larger set of anxieties rooted in historical erasure and cultural genocide.”

“Sex and gender they also conflated with homosexuality, made out to equal effeminacy. Many Blacks linked homosexuality to castration and the recent history of Black men who had been lynched and Black women who had been raped in the Jim Crow South and in the North. Homosexuality, in its metaphoric power, had an exhaustive function: It is equated with the absence of family, hatred of Black people, estrangement from one’s kin and culture, and all of those horrific aspects of Black experience about which Black people would rather not speak.”

An example of why nonblack people should consider the depth of such a topic- and their place to do so- before incorporating it into their story comes in the form of Styron’s Confessions of Nat Turner, and the backlash he faced from the Black community for such a sensationalized story from a white author.

“The ten Black male contributors [who wrote Ten Black Writers Respond] coupled cannibalism (overtly and covertly) with homoeroticism and effeminacy. For these Black men, homoeroticism became a way of circumventing and projecting their experiences and pain onto certain “effeminate” Black men: the consumed Black man these Black men equated with the homosexual man. Homosexuality served as a means of containing certain unwieldy and historically difficult topics pertaining to Black masculinity, such as the need for intimacy, gender variance, sexual and emotional vulnerability, and violation. It was as if, in this very powerful and discursive moment, threads that had been all along winding through history wove together in a manner that illuminated the past as much as they clouded and blocked full access to its complicated meaning.”

“On the surface, at least, I do not disagree with these Black men and women. I think their analysis regarding historicity and the diminishment of Black communal ties was mostly correct. Styron’s novel was historically inaccurate, depicting Turner as raised by whites rather than the Black parents and grandmother Turner spoke about in his original “Confessions.” Styron depicts aspects of Turner’s sexual life that are not validated in any documentation coming from the time period, and Styron’s exhaustive probing into the racial hatred and self-hatred of Turner clearly reflected something in his own psyche and white identity that he felt compelled to project onto Turner. Black men were put on the defensive by both the novel and by the institutions (literary production, the media) and individuals who supported Styron as an authentic interpreter of Black historical experience. Many Black men, like Bennett, felt that Styron was waging a literary war that paralleled the contemporary political and police state war against Black men…”

The problem with this mindset and approach within the community is that, while it attempts to protect our community, it silences both the prosperity and the pain of an entire section of it, as well as shutting down important conversation that needs to be had even by nonqueer members. And it’s doing it all to fight against a force- white supremacy- that is going to commit violence against us regardless! Respectability politics forces many Black people to stay silent, to not speak up on things that may rock the boat- but the boat needs to be rocked! Blaming fellow victims of racism is not going to save us!

“That was the irony of this moment. Black people invoked the cannibal discourse that could have freed up and complicated Black male perspectives on everything from social consumption to homoeroticism only to defend Black masculinity and Black culture. Black men were not interested in, nor capable of dealing with, the complex legacy of cannibalism and homoeroticism that so powerfully shaped their responses to Styron’s novel.”

But that does NOT mean that it’s a nonblack person’s place to make that argument! While I cannot stop you, I do want you to keep in mind that- as always with sensitive topics- you may have to face Black people who may rightfully be offended by your depiction if not done with care. Styron studied James Baldwin himself- who faced backlash on his end for saying that it was time for the Black community to face such a conversation- and even then, he still projected his white pathology and opinions onto the story of such a prolific hero in our history. Tread lightly!

“Well they don’t seem gay to me.”- A Eurocentric Standard of Passing

How many times have you heard this about a Black character? And if you’re Black and LGBTQ, how often have you heard it about people (or maybe even yourself?) How do we ‘not seem gay’? What is gay supposed to be? There’s this denial, almost, of Black LGBTQ folks, based in a complete disconnect of understanding of our own forms of gender expression and sexuality.

It’s extremely bizarre, because so much of pop gay culture as we know it is from Black LGBTQs (please refer to my infamous AAVE lesson), but… when we imagine an LGBTQ person, they're white.

If you’re Black and queer, you have to be this stereotypical, flamboyant RuPaul-esque figure. Can’t be regular degular. If you’re gay, you gotta be Uber Gay™. If you’re trans, you better pass with Complete Gender and Pizzazz. If you’re nonbinary, you’re not ‘androgynous’ enough. If you’re intersex or asexual, you’re practically not real. If you don’t fill this (white, western) mold, you must not be right. When all you have to be in order to be gay… Is be gay.

I shouldn’t have to put on extra performance to qualify as queer in your eyes! Do you know what looks are considered “androgynous” in my community? What behaviors are deemed “masculine” versus “feminine”? Do you know anything about my queer culture, or are you subconsciously comparing it to your own?

I want you to recognize that whatever image of queerness you have in your mind for your favorite or original characters, if Black people of all shapes and sizes aren’t included, there’s a problem! Because what are you seeing in others, that you’re not seeing in us? Is that, perhaps, a you problem? And why are we not worth the added effort of queer layering that others are?

THAT SAID!

“Oh I know what that’s like, I’m gay-”

This one mostly- if not always- comes from white queer folk. I’ve linked The Last Interview with James Baldwin. It’s so short. PLEASE take the time to read it. I’ve always adored how James Baldwin expresses himself, and while I could never stand so close, I have studied how he conveys his thoughts. But there’s almost nothing I could say that he doesn’t say better.

“A Black gay person who is a sexual conundrum to society is already, long before the question of sexuality comes into it, menaced and marked because he’s Black or she’s Black. The sexual question comes after the question of color; it’s simply one more aspect of the danger in which all Black people live. I think white gay people feel cheated because they were born, in principle, into a society in which they were supposed to be safe. The anomaly of their sexuality puts them in danger, unexpectedly. Their reaction seems to me in direct proportion to the sense of feeling cheated of the advantages which accrue to white people in a white society.”

The idea that “I know what it’s like to experience this oppression as a Black person because I’m gay” is not true. It’s like saying “oh look at my tan, I’m as Black as you now”. Stop it. Think back to that first section on history we discussed- no, you and I are not the same. We can discuss our existing connections, our intersection and have sympathy and empathy with one another on human dignity. We don’t have to act like we’re the same to do that! So don’t go headstrong into your writing (or life) saying “oh I get that completely, it’s because I’m queer”. There are more tactful ways to express your intent of solidarity.

'Queer' vs 'The N Word'

We’re gonna nip this one in the bud, because we’re leaving that argument in 2024. You know the one- “saying queer is like using the N-word- as a reclamation/slur!” What this argument reveals, used by EITHER SIDE, is how y’all don’t actually have community with Black people.

It implies that either “we don’t like it” or “we do”. Yet another binary that does not exist! There are plenty of Black people that despise that word, regardless of context. That think it brings us down. And then there are those that use it as a reclamation of an identity that was used to demean and dehumanize. Either way, one party is not going to walk up to a stranger and force it on them- that would cause an actual fight! It’s not improving your argument. As a whole, I would say stop using Black politics in general to improve your arguments when you are unaware of the overlap, or maybe the lack thereof, between Blackness and queerness in your argument. It shows. I’m not your tool; I’m not your Negro!

I’m not here to tell anyone whether queer is a slur or not. I don’t use it as one, but I recognize when people are uncomfortable, when it is being used as one, and I will use different language when I am speaking directly to someone who says “I do not like that word, describe me as __”. I am just here to say that we’re leaving that argument behind.

Black =/= Gender

Blackness and the concept of Gender have a fraught, confusing history. Not human enough to have rights, but human just enough to fail to meet Eurocentric standards of gender.

One example of this is the term “stud”. Studs are an example of Black women traversing gender presentation, the origin of which is because Black people are perceived as having “lesser sexual dimorphism”- i.e. you can’t tell who’s a woman or not. It’s an in-community joke that doesn’t make sense spoken outside of its historical context (thus, no, your white butch is NOT a stud within this context).

Another example: Megan Thee Stallion is one of the most stunning, feminine women I have ever seen… And her entire career, people have called her a man. Because she’s brown-skinned, Black, confident, loud, and openly sexual, she’s deemed manly. I can’t stand it. Plus her height- and mind you, Taylor Swift, of the same height and probably a higher number of bodies over the years, has never once been called a man or lost any of her “feminine” charm despite it. Why is that? If one of her men had shot in the foot, trying to kill her, there would be an uproar. Why is that?

There is an internal contradiction that being a Black woman is being inherently “gender nonconforming”. The first reason is that I will never be allowed to truly be a “woman” because to be a woman is to be white while doing it. White Tears, Brown Scars by Ruby Hamad is an excellent book on this dynamic in all women of color, and Black activists like Angela Davis and Kimberle Crenshaw have written and discussed the topic as well.

The second reason is I have to play the role of whatever ‘gender’ is expected to get me through this life. I have to be more ‘masculine’; strong, assertive, and proactive, a hard worker willing to sacrifice it all every day, in order to protect my family and myself in a world where a lack of resilience might kill me. I cannot allow weakness to stop me from taking care of my community, because Black women are supposed to show up and save the day. Find a Black woman! they say. She’ll fix it! And odds are, I do know how to fix it because I’ve probably had to address it before.

But then I’m acting ‘out of a woman’s place’ by being so ‘hard’ and expecting people to listen to my authority. So in order to play a Black woman’s place, I have to balance that with… Somehow not intimidating people by being more ‘feminine’, submissive, vulnerable, sweet and motherly (because if I’m not a good breeder and mother, I am a bad woman). I scare people if I don’t. If I don’t do that, then I’m not a good Black woman. But if I don’t harden myself and be strong and assertive to protect everyone, and tough through everyone’s problems with infinite sacrifice, then I’m not a good Black woman… You see how the cycle gets confusing! (The Delectable Negro and Black on Both Sides also speak on this, and how this is rooted in the creation of the Mammy!)

I spoke about it earlier, but that same inability to be defined as a human, defined as white, haunts many Black men in their goals to be seen as ‘equal’ to white men and receive equal treatment. By seeking to fit a standard of whiteness, they are never going to attain it (and often, that comes back home in not-so-good way)! E.g.: this is the original issue that Louis had in AMCs' IWTV- Louis never actually wanted to be a vampire, Louis wanted to be treated like an equivalent human- and that was unattainable to him not because he wasn’t a human being, but because he wasn’t a white one!

The Racist Counterproductivity of TERFs

Sigh. If you are of this belief, but here to better your writing, I feel like I should say this to you. I want you to listen to me. (TBH, I’m going to delete anything asking me for opinions on this because I don’t want to potentially entertain even a singular troll). Besides, my argument is pretty simple and resolute.

The gender binary is rooted in bioessentialism, and bioessentialism is rooted in white supremacy. You know what else benefits from white supremacy? The white patriarchy.

How are we gonna escape from the patriarchy and white supremacy… if the ideology you believe in… is rooted in white supremacy and patriarchy?

And it’s not just the TERFs- look within yourselves as well! How are we going to make the world safer for trans people, including white ones, if you aren’t willing to confront your own racist biases? If you are unwilling to release the shackles of gender essentialism and the benefits of whiteness, none of us are getting out of here. You are reinforcing the very walls you wish to dismantle!

To offer another side of the conversation, Black On Both Sides by C Riley Snorton has been an interesting read! Essentially, the conversation is on how Blackness and transness intersect, how being Black in and of itself can be and is a transitional, gender fluid experience. It, along with The Mismeasure of Man by Stephen Jay Gould and Medical Apartheid by Harriet A Washington, goes into the history of how the Black body was seen as a different species altogether, and how phrenology, biological essentialism, and examples of sexual dimorphism were treated as an example on how we are an inferior group. Yet, this lack of understanding of our bodies (despite the constant access to it) allowed for us to maneuver within such a system.

An example, of how Blackness has an effect on our perception of gender:

"Cobb suggests that this blackening may have been an anticipatory gesture; when James Norcom (Jacobs’s enslaver) published a description of her in the 1835 issue of the American Beacon, he presumed that she would be “seeking whiteness and dressing as a free woman, not accentuating her Blackness” and finding a “cross-dressing” and ungendered mode for escape. Although the description of sartorial arrangements seems to conform to passing’s logic of movement for protection or privilege, Jacobs’s use of charcoal to darken her complexion tropes—by inverse logic—on more commonly held beliefs (and fears) about racial passing.

As “passing” became a term to describe performing something one is not, it trafficked a way of thinking about identity not only in terms of real versus artificial but also, and perhaps always, as proximal and performative. Like a vertical line with arrows on either end, passing is figuratively represented by moving up or down hierarchized identificatory formations. This articulation of vertical identity also coordinates with forms of binary thinking, typified, for example, by the language of “the opposite” sex. …Brent/Jacobs’s blackened blackness gives expression to her condition as fungible within the logic of U.S. slavery, in which the system of colorism, as Nicole Fleetwood has argued, “produces a performing subject whose function is to enact difference . . . an act that is fundamentally about assigning value.”

As it relates to the scene of Jacobs’s brushing past Sands, her status as “it” also indicates how blackness-as-fungible engenders forms of nonrecognition, as Jacobs’s performance elucidates how blackness and going blacker become an embrace of the conditions that might allow one to pass one’s friends and lovers undetected. In this encounter, fungibility sets the stage for gendered maneuvers on a terrain constituted by modes of viewing blackness, in which Jacobs’s blackness and going blacker color her gender as well as her face."

The Black Trans/Nonbinary/Genderqueer Experience

Rather than try to summarize opinions on something I had not lived, I wanted to platform some Black trans, intersex, and genderqueer opinions for you all to consider! I asked three questions, and I’ve typed out the responses and placed them as their own post for the sake of space. I don’t care if it’s long- read them! You want to write these characters; you should hear the perspectives of the people you wish to write about!

The Black Intersex Experience

Nothing I could say that someone that is actually Black and intersex couldn’t say better!

Here is a page on Tumblr that compiles resources on the intersex community and its history that I found; while it’s not Black-specific, I have seen the page post topics related to.

The Black Aspec Experience

An interesting thing about identifying as asexual or aromantic while Black is that from all angles, people will simply not believe you because Blackness itself has been sexualized. I talked about this in my lessons on stereotypes, but one of the ways that the sexual assault and violation of Black bodies was dismissed, was to emphasize that not only were we incapable of being r*ped, but that we were naturally inclined to being hypersexual beings and that if we weren’t controlled, we would bring it onto ourselves. Black women were jezebels; Black men were mandigos, vicious savages that would assault pure white women if not chained like beasts.

Here is a page for Black people (!!!) with these identities to gather. Again, BLACK PEOPLE with these identities. Here's another!

The Bit You Actually Showed Up For

So! Given all that historical and social context: really, it’s just about application! You have to ask yourself certain things to catch when you’re about to dip into a bias or stereotype while you’re writing.

Black Queer Joy- A Conclusion

I know I’ve shared a lot of history here, and it’s not been the happiest stuff. THAT BEING SAID!

I must personally say- I am honored to be Black and bisexual. There’s nothing else I’d rather be. I am so happy to be who I am. It’s hard as hell living at the intersection, but the intersection is lit! There’s so much love, history, culture, creation, and so much power here; I’m standing on the shoulders of cultural GIANTS and my chest is full, my chin is high with pride. I love it here!

Being Black and queer itself is not a miserable experience! Your characters should feel joy, because we feel joy! There’s so much that we have to offer the world, it’s practically blossoming from us. I don’t want anyone to walk away from this going “let me go pity the next one I see and tell them how hard their life is”. We don’t need you to feel sorry, we need you to have solidarity! Either show up and do the work, or leave us alone. You can’t join the party at the intersection and then flee when it’s time to fight for it!

Listen to Black queer people in your spaces- dear god, it never fails how conversations of queerness and gender and feminism will leave Blackness completely out, and then be shocked when none of us want to show up. Like I said before- you will never dismantle the walls barring you from your own freedom until you address ours.

Support Black queer creatives, content, perspectives, and people- when you tag on that “support Black trans women” bit at the end of your posts, don’t just speak lightly- understand what that means, and stand on it! Because it’s the thought that counts, but the action that delivers!

[sicutpuella]

Reddit User | Simon “Ghost” Riley

Her laptop developed an overheating issue and had to be sent to the repair shop. Consequently, she's been relying on Simon's laptop for work. Yet, when she noticed he had left a Reddit tab open, curiosity inevitably got the best of her.

User100889, that was his username. She felt a flutter of nerves as she scrolled through her boyfriend’s Reddit history. It was filled with the usual suspects — bodybuilding and gym subreddits, nothing too revealing. There were posts about tactical gear and tips on fixing flat tires; typical manly-man interests.

"Huh," she murmured to herself when she stumbled upon a subreddit he frequented: r/dating_advice. Huh, indeed.

Her eyes widened slightly, a small gasp escaping her lips as she noticed the title of a thread he'd commented on: ‘how to approach the girl I like.' 

Below the title, Simon's response lay there, simple and direct. "Just walk up to her and say hi."

The bluntness of his answer made her scoff softly. Typical Simon—never one for beating around the bush. She rolls her eyes. His comments on Reddit were always so direct, sometimes even poking fun at the users asking. Like that time he replied, “maybe because you’re ugly lad, just being honest.” 

God, he really had no filter…

She lets out a laugh as she scrolls through more of his comments. He’s brutal. Not mean or malicious, just painfully honest with a dry, dark sense of humor. Not surprising given his oh-so-charming personality.

Clicking on another thread, she begins to read through it. This one titled “How do you know if a girl likes you?” 

The OP described catching glances from a girl. Simon’s response is simple but cutting: "She's probably just being polite mate.” She snorts. She can practically hear his Mancunian accent in the words, can almost picture his expression as he typed out the response.

But then, a question emerged in a Reddit thread:

"Men of r/dating_advice, what’s one thing you love about your partner that they don’t know about?"

He responded, and surprisingly, his words carried pure love and warmth.

Her eyes widened as she read his heartfelt reply. It was sincere, devoid of his usual sarcasm or crudeness.

"I love the way she looks in the morning when she first wakes up. Her hair all tousled, her eyes sleepy and gentle. It’s the only time she lets herself be completely vulnerable, you know? I cherish being the one she feels safe enough to show that side to."

She stared at the screen, utterly taken aback. She had never expected him to reveal such a sweet, tender side. Then came another question. This time, his response was different—no sarcasm, no dry humor—just pure admiration.

OP asked, "Is she the one, lads?"

Simon’s reply was succinct and devoid of his usual wit or brashness. It was raw, unfiltered honesty.

"Yes, she’s the one. Knew it from the moment we met. There’s no one else for me."

Her heart skipped a beat as she absorbed his words, a warm, fuzzy feeling spreading through her chest.

OP: Men of Reddit, what’s your favorite thing about your partner?

His answer: "Her laugh. The way it’s kinda wheezy and she snorts when something really cracks her up. She’s got an amazing sense of humor. Watching movies with her feels like attending a comedy special."

She couldn't help but smile. The image was vivid in her mind: the two of them sprawled on the couch, watching an absurd action flick, her infectious laughter causing even Simon’s stoic demeanor to crack as he chuckled alongside her.

In a thread on r/dating_advice, OP poses the question: "Men, what advice would you give to others about long-term relationships?"

Simon's response resonates: "Be honest. Be genuine with your partner. Don’t play games, don’t hide your feelings. And for God’s sake, don’t try to fix a problem when she just needs you to listen. I learned that the hard way."

She can almost hear the wry chuckle in his voice. It reminds her of their first argument, when she felt frustrated that he wouldn't just listen... but he's learned since then.

Lost in the moment, she scrolls through countless threads, captivated by Simon's heartfelt responses. The man she once saw as all muscle and bravado reveals himself to be a softie at heart.

Engrossed in his comments, she misses the sound of the front door opening... the approaching footsteps slipping by unheard.

She's engrossed in his response to "So, are you gonna marry the woman you have now?"

"Already planning it. Just gotta work up the nerve to propose."

Suddenly, a deep voice startles her from behind. It's deep, gruff, and all too familiar. 

"See somethin’ you like, lass?"

"AH—FUCK!" she screams in surprise.

Simon can't contain his amusement. His towering figure leans against the door frame, arms crossed over his broad chest, a smug smirk playing on his lips.

"Find my little secrets?" he teases, nodding toward the laptop.

She rolls her eyes. He saunters over to where she's seated, casually leaning over her shoulder, his gaze scanning the screen. His closeness, his sheer size, makes her heart beat faster in her chest.

"So, find anything interesting, lass?" he drawls, his breath warm against her ear.

"You're so sappy, it's cute," she says with a smile that he adores.

He chuckles, a deep rumble that sends a shiver down her spine. "That's a new one. You think I'm cute? Cute. Not hot. Not handsome. Just cute."

Leaning in closer, his chest presses against her back, warmth radiating through their clothes.

She stands, embracing him. "So... I heard User100889 is pretty nervous about proposing..." Her pout and tapping finger betray her playful intent.

His grin widens as he wraps his strong arms around her waist, knowing exactly where she's leading.

"Oh yeah?" he feigns innocence. "And why's that?"

"Well..." she looks up at him coyly, her slender form against his solid frame. "He's afraid she might say no..."

"Sounds like he's shittin' himself a bit," he chuckles, eyes gleaming with amusement. He loves the mischief in her eyes, the softness in her teasing.

"He shouldn't be..." she purrs, fingers trailing lightly up his chest. "She loves him too much to say no."

His breath catches at her touch, heart racing. "Is that so?" His voice roughens.

"Mmhm..." she agrees, fingers tracing his shirt's edge, feeling the warmth of his skin beneath.

Close now, his body almost pins her to the wall. His eyes darken with desire and tenderness.

"What makes you so sure she'll say yes?" he whispers, his breath warm on her face, heart pounding.

"Because she loves him," she murmurs, fingers curling into his shirt. "She'd be a fool to say no."

[walkingstackofbooks]

IPS/BIL AU where Tain dies before he can send the message. Garak and Worf never go to the gamma quadrant. Julian and Martok don't get rescued.

Back on DS9 the changeling is stopped pretty much just as it was in canon, with Kira and Dax managing to stop the Yukon from reaching the sun, just as it explodes. (Maybe since Garak is still on the station, he notifies Sisko that Bashir has taken the Yukon out?) This time, however, no-one knows it was a changeling, and among all the shock and grief, there's tense speculation about what the hell Julian was doing out there in a runabout with a bomb.

The changeling had planned to never be identified, believing it would sow more confusion and fear in the Federation if they believe one of their own had been secretly allied with the Dominion. And so the changeling had left behind a trail of "Julian" interacting with highly questionable locked-down message-boards such as "Would enhanced individuals be better off under the Dominion?", which would never have been tracked back to him apart from under such scrutiny he's now post-humously receiving. (The changeling knew about Julian's enhancements - to become something is to understand that thing, after all.)

Of course, it is considered whether Julian may have been impersonated by a changeling, but once the link to his enhancements has been revealed - and his parents can't hide it, they confess, and are sentenced to time in a penal colony - it seems very much decided that Doctor Bashir had become an augment extremist, biding his time on DS9 until he could play out his part in the Dominion plot. There's varying levels of acceptance of this among Julian's friends - even if it seems that they have to admit it, it's still almost impossible to believe that Julian could have tried to do that. But it doesn't really matter what they think - life has to go on, and the war's continuing whether they like it or not, and little by little they move on with their now-Julian-less lives.

Time passes. they get a new CMO. The Cardassians re-occupy the station, and Sisko leads the campaign to get it back. Worf and Jadzia get married. Garak gets a message.

A.L.I.V.E. J.S.B.

And no-one knows what to think. JSB can't be... can it? But how...

Garak argues that Doctor Bashir's death is so well-known that no-one would use his name as the basis for some sort of trap. Miles agrees. Everyone else wants to agree. (For a certain definition of 'want'. Julian being alive, not a traitor... that also means he's been doing somewhere in the past ten months, and it's difficult to think about what sort of awful place that might have been.)

Garak and Worf are sent out to chase this signal - in theory, it's recon, but naturally it quickly devolves. They get captured themsleves, finding Camp 371 and Julian, looking ten months worse for wear. Garak learns about Tain's death, and the subspace transmitter he'd began working on and that they'd only just been able to finish, having managed to recruit a recently-abducted Starfleet engineer. An engineer who's currently in solitary, leaving them with a plan to escape now there's a runabout in orbit, but no way to effect it. Unless there's something Garak can do...

And Worf, of course, meets Martok, and is impressed by the Klingon's tale of daily fights for nearly three years. "Almost every day," Martok corrects him. "There have been times when I've woken up with a sore head to find that the doctor has taken my place."

Worf looks to Julian, nodding. "So you are the man we remember," he says. "Your enhancements may have helped you fight, but it was an honourable thing to volunteer."

"My... my enhancements?" asks Julian faintly. "What- what do you mean?"

"Commander, is now really the time—" Garak tries to interrupt but Julian speaks over him.

"No, Garak, I want to know— I-I need to know. What do you mean, Worf?"

And Worf, in his short, succinct way tells Julian how they had believed he had died, and what they had discovered thereafter, and while they know now that he is not an augment extremist, his parents' confession made it clear that he is an augment.

Julian doesn't say very much after that, apart from what is needed to help with the rescue - he calms Garak down, he volunteers to try and figure out what needs doing in the crawl space ("I've learnt at least a few things from tinkering with it over those seven months...") - but otherwise, he's withdrawn and spacey. Garak perserveres - he must get Julian back to DS9, has to hope there's still time to rekindle that light in his doctor's eyes - and manages to get them out, and even locking onto the engineer's life sign in solitary. They make it to the runabout, and escape.

It's a very different sort of homecoming. This time, rather than having only a few hours to get used to the idea that Julian had been missing for a month, they've been mourning him for almost a year, angry and confused and left with so many questions. And they've had almost a week of wondering what's become of Worf and Garak, and to tie themselves in circles wondering if J.S.B really could be Julian Subatoi Bashir.

Garak gets them all beamed directly to sickbay, and it's obvious that Julian's overwhelmed enough by that without having hordes of emotional friends come to greet him. So they're allowed in, one at a time. Miles petitions to be first, and wraps Julian up in what would have been the firmest of hugs - apart from Julian's so gaunt, so... so fragile, that Miles finds he dares not squeeze too hard. Words gush out - ones that he'd never have thought he'd admit out loud - about how much he missed Julian and how glad he is none of what they said was true, and it takes him some time to realise that he's been blabbering on and Julian's not been saying a word.

Julian has been clinging onto him tightly, though, and that... that's got to be enough, for now.

[theresattrpgforthat]

My roommate made a joke about wanting to play a sonic the hedgehog tabletop game. Is there a ttrpg for that?

THEME: Sonic the Hedgehog.

Your roommate is about to be surprised because there isn't just a single Sonic ttrpg. There's at least seven.

Speeding Bullets!, by Princess Grace.

In SPEEDING BULLETS!, you play as three to five intrepid, plucky anthropomorphic animals on a quest to save the day- or end it. It’s up to you, some six-sided dice, and your beloved SO (Shadow Operator) to determine the fate of the world.

SPEEDING BULLETS! is a single-page Lasers and Feelings hack where your stats are FAST! (hero) and GUN! (antihero). You and your friends will create Sonic OCs, randomly assign them backstories like "Dark Warrior's Advent" or "Purification via Ruination" from a table of 326 genders, and put them up against insurmountable odds, Dr. Robotnik, and their own rivals.

Lasers and Feelings games all have the same basic premise: you have one number that represents your abilities in two different stat, in this case, Fast and Gun. Rolling above the number is good for one stat, while rolling below the number is good for the other. Roll your number exactly? Then something special happens.

What Speeding Bullets takes from Sonic is rivalries, a perpetual quest to defeat Dr. Robotnik, and an alternate suggestion for playing as your character's rivals, taking references from Dark Mirror. The game also comes with a Gender Table, a roll-table that appears to reference every Shadow the Hedgehog ending.

Rainbow Runaways, by UkeleleBard.

You are an animal living in a human’s world. The humans have found you, and the military will pursue you with every weapon, vehicle, and trap they have at their disposal. You’ve only got one option. RUN!

Rainbow Runaways was created for the Caltrop Core game jam, and runs on the Caltrop Core engine by Titanomachy. You can play it Solo, or with a GM, with a deck of cards and a 1-3 d4's per player.

The goal is simple: escape the military by reaching the edge of the city. You track this by using a clock with 12 slices. The deck of cards represents the actions of the military as they pursue you. Your character is composed of three stats and three techniques.

All in all, Rainbow Runaways is succinct and to the point. I think one of the benefits of fan games like this is that much of the lore is already assumed to be known by the players, and as a result reading the game book can be much quicker, since you just need to learn the rules.

Edge Hedge Arena (Beta), by ANIM TTRPGS (@anim-ttrpgs).

Throughout all human history, people have been given names. You thought yours was only mean to be used as an identifier, but you were wrong. Your name was chosen carefully, with the conscious (or subconscious) knowledge that one day it would inextricably link you to a champion of immense power who is also a hedgehog. This “game” serves as a set of instructions for revealing this mighty guardian, so they can defend your honor and name in a battle to the freaking death!

Still in the early stages, Edge Hedge Arena is partially a battle game. This is firmly a pvp game, using your weapons, powers and style to give you an advantage in the arena. However, first and foremost, Edge Hedge Arena feels like a bit of a love letter to the Sonic Fandom, more than Sonic itself. When you make a character, you actually have to search for art of a hedgehog OC online!

Chaos & Control, by farmergadda (@farmergadda).

Chaos & Control is a hack of Lasers & Feelings by John Harper, inspired by a similar hack, Steel & Spirit by Occupied Hex. In this game, Players will take on the roles of colorful, cartoony animal people and go on adventures through fantastic locations, facing off against maniacal foes, and looking really cool while doing so.

Another Lasers & Feelings hack, Chaos & Control adds the use of character types to further differentiate your characters, as well as tokens that can be used to trigger powerful moves unique to your character. For the GM, there's a number of roll-tables to help generate locations, problems, badniks, and so much more.

Rings and Running Shoes, by RingsandRunningShoes.

Welcome to Sonic's World - A universe unique and beyond what you know from the SEGA games! Where, inspired by Sonic and other heroes of the franchise, you and your friends will create a team of heroes that will save the world from the forces of evil!

The system is based on PbtA with heavy modification to fit the care-free power fantasy of Sonic's Adventures, but anyone familiar with the core game, should know the basics. On a very surface level the gameplay loop consists of alternating between "Peace and Quiet" and "Stages" sections. During P&Q your group will rest, prepare for the Stage, roleplay and develop your characters.

One of the benefits for PbtA games is playbooks. Playbooks keep most of the information that a player will need to know in one place, allowing you to choose a character type based on vibes, and then make selections within just the options provided to you. It's excellent for minimizing choice paralysis, and it can make teaching the game simpler, as each player has a number of references to the rules that are specific to their character in front of them at all times.

Mobius, by Ioan Davies-John.

Mobius is a fan-made tabletop wargame based on Archie Comics’ 24-year run of Sonic the Hedgehog, allowing you to fight Large Skirmishes in the gone-but-not-forgotten take on Sonic's World!

It features stats for all your favorite heroes and villains, and rules to suit every play-style from hordes of Eggman Robots to squads of elite Freedom Fighters. There’s an ever-evolving plethora of army books and supplements to represent the many factions within the pages of the world’s most way past cool comic!

Mobius is a tactical wargame, focused on moving little guys around on a map and taking down your opponents. There's plenty of minutiae here for folks who love figuring out what strategies work for them, including various extra rules, as well as 14 different factions to choose from. If you're not sure who you can play this with, the designer has a link to their community discord on their Itch page!

If you want something a little different in theme but similar in spirit, you might interested in Davies-John's other sonic game, a naval wargame set in the same universe: Egg Fleet!

Radical Spin, by Will Uhl (@raffitheowl)

Will you beat your evil twins, stop the robot army, and survive the perils of high school?

Radical Spin is a micro-RPG about melodramatic action animals. Hedgehog heroes, will you beat your evil twins, stop the robot army, and survive the perils of high school? Live out your bad fanfic fantasies today!

I don't know much about this game, but based on what I can find out about it, it seems to be designed to shine when you're exploring Sunday Morning Cartoon-style plots. I'm expecting characters with abilities that are larger than life, as well as a fairly simple rule set that's easy to pick up and learn without much trouble.

You might also be interested in...

My Silly Games recommendation post, which has a link to a Sonic game called Spindash!

I've also got a Ko-Fi account where you can leave me a tip if you like what I do!

[4dkellysworld]

After deciding 'it is done'

This is more of a manifestation themed post (it's a draft from March when I spontaneously felt like writing it but didn't post it) because I felt like it but I'd appreciate if I didn't get any asks about manifestation* (unless I change my mind later) cos I'll share what I can and there's a lot of material available already! You can see my past post on this topic here. For more posts on it, see @4dbarbie-archive and realisophie's posts here and here and there's also some over at @ndjournal in the experience sharing tag.

*Also because I don't want to send mixed messages to the readers of this blog. I see conscious manifestation as a way to challenge & break limitations and concepts from the mind, not to get things in the world (kinda like Neo learning to bend the spoon in the Matrix if you get me lol). The latter will only pull you deeper into ego and the world, which isn't conducive to self-realization (if that's your goal) if you're focused on satisfying ego and the worldly life. If that makes sense and you resonate and agree with that, then we are on the same page but not everyone is and that's okay too, just do what feels right to you. Just sharing my reasoning :)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've been reading this book called Parallel Universes of Self because I read the author Frederick Dodson had an interesting reality shifting experience. I didn't expect to read info on manifestation but they are pretty much the same. I have a few books of his that I'm skimming through out of curiosity and there's some interesting stuff (I might share some other things later, he doesn't just talk about manifestation, but also consciousness, reality and even non-duality).

I thought I'd share the below excerpt because it's explained really well and might help some others. It's also a nice succinct summary of what Ada and Soph talked about for materialization/manifestation as well. I can remember pretty much 95% of the things I've ever "manifested" were from when I acted the way he described after I had decided "it is done". It's easier to do this for things you don't care about because you just end up forgetting about it entirely and then it shows up and you're like 'oh yeah!! nice'.

In the hours, days and weeks after simply rest in the new viewpoint, rest in the fulfilled reality. This means that you don’t try to “make it happen” because you have already claimed it as real. You don’t affirm, visualize, repeat or wait for it. You don’t hope for it to come in some future. Because you have claimed it as already real you don’t even think about it much either. You don’t ask when, how, where it will show up. Instead you simply do what offers itself to you throughout the day, and this will involve commonplace activities. Daily life continues in a natural manner without neediness or lack. Once in awhile you may want to re-feel the body sense of the chosen reality, and enjoy what you have claimed as true, but often not even that is necessary. Furthermore you needn’t be “acting as if” the desired reality is manifest, for that still implies separation. Simply cease to behave in a way that presupposes that it is not already so. You may refuse to ascribe relevance or importance to any events that seem to contradict your newly chosen reality. From the new viewpoint such events may still exist and come up but they are no longer relevant enough to be reacted to and interacted with. They may be the way things are at the moment, but they are no longer the way you are. The corresponding physical manifestation will appear when you stop needing it, chasing after it, looking for it but are instead willingly and lovingly identified with it…not for the sake of “making it manifest” *, but for the sake of experiencing its joy in the here, now and today. *Because trying to make it happen/manifest reinforces the idea/belief that it isn't

This is the same as what 4dbarbie said about getting ego out of the way or as Lester Levenson said, let go and let God. Just let it happen and stop trying to control the process because the more you try, the more you reinforce the fact that it isn't already so. Basically stop putting in effort once you know it is true, just continue knowing with calm and ease that it is the way you want it. Ada also said here:

If you have thoughts like "I need to say my affirmations", "I need to check my state", you're not living in the end but still desiring. When you're able to look at the thing you desire as being something that was once a dream, but now only a memory - you've entered the state of the wish fulfilled. When desire turns into identity, you know you've succeeded in fulfilling yourself.

Yes we're conditioned to think we need to work hard and put effort to earn things in the world but when it comes to manifesting, this sort of mentality will only sabotage and hinder your success. You can literally just decide you have it and then never look back. This sort of mindset can take a bit of time and practice to get used to because it is not something we're used to but the more you practice, the easier it gets.

Here is an excerpt from an astral projection book (I think it's from The Illusion of Method?) I thought was really apt at describing this too. He's talking about AP but you can apply it to manifesting or pretty much anything as well.

Unless you are masochistic, I ask you to reconsider the painful idea of obsessing about time. Bear in mind that results will come whenever they have to, and counting the minutes won't make the outcome arrive faster. It's best if you just forget about it, and accept that it is something that you can't control. You must be patient—most of the time the desired results arrive immediately after giving up control of time. If you are frustrated and/or are afraid of failure, then it means you believe you are in control—and this translates into the feeling that you are responsible for both positive and negative results. Well then, stop thinking that way! Exempting yourself from responsibility is the best course of action there is. As seen in the previous chapter, those who project on command are the ones who couldn’t care less about AP. But the more you obfuscate yourself, the lesser your chances of success —and trust me, you won’t want to get trapped in that vicious cycle. Astral projection works when you stop worrying about failure because you trust that it will happen, whether you “do” something or not.

It’s the same thing: just in the same way that being hasty for sleep to occur keeps us wakeful and alert, being expectant over the OBE will keep us caged in the physical body. If the mind is constantly thinking about the goal, it can easily enter a state of expectancy* and impatience. In such state, the mind is no longer relaxed because expectancy is a state of unrest. This form of tension is what hinders the outcome—thus, the key to being relaxed (i.e., essentially lacking mental tension) is to forget about the goal entirely. If you don’t have the goal in mind you don’t enter a state of expectancy, and therefore you are free from mental tension. *expectancy is the same energy as trying to make something happen.. reinforcing the idea/belief that it isn't so

So, exempt yourself from responsibility means there's nothing more to do because ego is not in control and can do nothing.

[fandumb-whimsey]

Scarecrow Leg Observations/Headcanons

aka I thought about it too much and now it's everyone else's problem.

(important note: I am not in the medical field and I learned/looked up a lot of this with the help of Dr. Google)

The leg brace seems like a simple detail which can be overlooked in the larger design. On the surface, it's pretty straight forward: leg got damaged and now needs an orthopedic brace to function. This in and of itself is interesting since the artist undoubtedly referenced actual braces, specifically old ones, to fit Scarecrow's aesthetic:

This is a running theme with him; he seems to favor old, antique items and will repair things (like the use of duct tape or zigzag stitching for tears on his costume) before replacing them, which fits an image of someone coming from a background of poverty. Not entirely important to the conversation, just an interesting aside.

There is official material which states his leg is "permanently broken", which is probably the easiest, most succinct way to state this issue, but it's not entirely an accurate way to put it. If a leg is considered broken beyond repair, it's likely to be amputated. Bones which don't heal correctly the first time can be broken again and realigned to heal properly, often through surgery with the use of pins, rods, plates, and/or screws. However, "permanently broken" could also be implying he has suffered irreparable nerve damage which affects the use of the leg (more on that in a moment). One possibility: The bones in Scarecrow's leg do not heal properly due to the severity of his fractures likely needing surgery. Unable to access such resources after his run-in with Croc, this results in a malunion. In his case, the misalignment could be subtle as there is no obvious bend or twist in his leg, but still causes problems which requires use of a brace.

Another possibility: Perhaps he is lucky and his leg does heal well. Maybe there's no malunion at all. Unfortunately, whether the bones mend together well or not, evidence strongly implies that it was broken seriously enough that it damaged his peroneal nerve, leading to muscle weakness and foot drop, which necessitates the use of the brace to function.

If you look closely, you can see there is additional support around Scarecrow's ankle that would otherwise prevent rotation of that joint. You can see this in the game when he circles Batman on the airship:

When he takes a step with his good leg, the foot remains more parallel to the floor. Compare that to the foot in the brace, where the toes point upward with each stride due to being in a fixed position. I feel this is a strong indication of him having lasting damage here (such as foot drop) and part of why the leg brace is vital to his mobility (and undoubtedly one of many reasons why he's so furious at Batman).

Something like this often has trickle down effects. Having to compensate for a weaker limb can throw the body off balance, especially if it's a leg. This can create joint and back pain outside of (or in addition to) the issues related to the initial trauma. Combined with the other things he has had to deal with, there is something to be said of Scarecrow's tenacity. He is very driven and ambitious, even if it's the pure, seething drive for vengeance which causes him to persevere. It's a quality one can admire. :)

The rambling ends here, thanks for reading. And an extra big thanks to a very special someone who, without their help, none of this would be possible...I'm of course talking about my guy KILLER CROC for going absolutely feral in those Asylum sewers, really gave Jonny here a spooky glow-up, am I right?

Pictured: Scarecrow regretting his fear toxin frivolity into the sewers.

[olderthannetfic]

As someone who some times works with disabled people who do handcrafts. It's not actually an accessibility support to make those thousands of sizes, so I really get your issues with it.

Most of those patterns work like shit. Most of the physically disabled people still do their own patterns and adjustments, they just need tools that are better suited their individual needs. A person in a wheelchair or with one arm has to adjust things, but the ones I've worked with, who've been into their crafting hobbies for decades, can do most these things themselves.

People with mental disabilities (lower functioning (IDK if Anglospeakers still use that term tho)) can't get a use out of these hundreds of pattern types because they need a different kinda help when attempting them. (Easier standard patterns with good instructions are way better than advanced patterns ranging from the XXXXXS to XXXXXXXXLs, basically)

All in all, these "inclusive" patterns whatever else falls into it is just another one of those "THINK OF THE DISABLED!!!" when in most cases it's performative and seems to be more of a "Lazy ppl/Hustlers use disabled people to demand/sell something."

--

Godddd.

The latest crochet thing was an issue where the pattern is written in a normal, traditional style. It has a lot of shorthand. It also explicitly says that it isn't for beginners. The free versions are a video or one of those oldschool blogs with bajillions of ads that make it impossible to read.

Now, I can see why this would be a problem, especially if you aren't willing to cough up the $5 for the download.

However, the solution is to either teach a person to read traditional-style patterns with their nice, succinct abbreviations or find them a crafting buddy who can work with them one-on-one on that particular pattern.

Learning to read patterns sometimes isn't easy. That's true for everyone with every type of brain. That's why it's a thing you teach. The moaning about this is like someone going "Some books are harder than See Spot Run and that's bad!"

The wank was a combo of people wanting every pattern written out fully in sentences the way one on etsy from last week would be and of people wanting to participate in some stupid viral tiktok trend and thus "needing" an accessible version of that specific pattern.

(Someone created said accessible version... i.e. they drove traffic away from the blog post with the ads. Good job, genius. Both this person and the pattern designer have ended up with a million haters descending on their heads, of course. Everybody lost.)

--

I'd trust a designer like Skeindeer Knits to have some idea how to design a sleeve that can fit over my upper arm. I would not trust Andrea Mowry and her weird stick arms ideas about biceps circumference. I love her patterns and especially her promo photos, but jesus.

I think there's a poisonous pattern of both ~needing~ to make what everyone else just did (so all patterns have to be all things to all people) and of everybody just picking whatever designer looks most aspirational in their photo shoots.

I'd have way more respect if "I only promote size inclusive patterns" was followed by "Here are designs from designers who found a plus size model or who are plus size themselves" instead of "I checked the size range listed on ravelry." (Who am I kidding? Of course they won't do that. So few big designers bother to get a plus size model that it would mean tons of extra work for the youtuber doing a pattern roundup.)

So it all ends up back at "The sophie scarf looks good on everyone!!!"

It's the holidays.

Everyone is making that overrated dishrag as a gift for their 20 nearest and dearest.

Kill me now.

[frogwiththephatahh]

EPIC has a character arc dynamic I can't explain in a succinct way, but it's one of my favorites and I want more media to do it. It's like...every character is simultaneously absolutely at fault and completely innocent. like, okay.... Odysseus sacrificed his own crew BUT he wouldn't have had to do that if Eurylochus had listened to him and left the cows along BUT Eurylochus wouldn't have disobeyed him if Odysseus hadn't betrayed the crew BUT Odysseus wouldn't have betrayed the crew if Circe hadn't sent him on a crazy mission to the underworld where he realized he needed to be hashtag Ruthless BUT Circe wouldn't have sent them there if Hermes never given Odysseus the power to stop her leading to him gaining her trust BUT Hermes wouldn't have needed to do that if Odysseus had just listened to Eurylochus and ran away instead of helping their friends BUT they wouldn't have needed to abandon their friends if Eurylochus had done better at keeping them out of trouble BUT they wouldn't even be on Circe's island if Poseidon hadn't attacked them, BUT Poseidon wouldn't have attacked them if Odysseus had just killed Polyphemus BUT Polyphemus wouldn't be blind if he hadn't attacked the crew BUT he wouldn't have attacked the crew if they hadn't killed his sheep BUT the crew wouldn't even be in Polyphemus' cave if the lotus eaters hadn't sent him there BUT they wouldn't have gotten the idea to go there if Polites hadn't been so insistent on being kind and asking for help BUT can you really fault a man who just got out of a ten year war for not wanting to see anymore bloodshed? But the most interesting part about it is that I don't think there's an alternate path. In any other story, you can say "what if x just hadn't done y?" One simple mistake in any other story could turn the tide. But the thing about greek mythology is that there's a heavy belief in fate. No matter what you do, you will always end up in the same place that was written in the stars. The inbetween doesn't matter. Odysseus doesn't have some sort of lesson to learn. In fact, none of this would have happened if Polites hadn't put the idea into Ody's head that he needed to be merciful. Now, again, I am NOT blaming Polites. I could write a whole essay on how every important member of the crew seems to have a different coping mechanism for how they dealt with the horrors of war but we don't have time for that right now. The point is; this was not preventable. Odysseus' journey involves getting from Troy to Ithica. Everything else is just a pit stop as someone ELSE's journey concludes. Polites is fated to die on the journey home. Elpenor is fated to die while drunk. Eurylochus is fated to be betrayed by a close friend. I suppose that's why The Odyssey is a tragedy

[pearwaldorf]

I have to say, learning the phrase "Up and not crying" (it is a Norwegian idiom) has been helpful. It's a nice succinct way to describe my general state of mind these days.

It has not been great. Stress fucks with emotional regulation and there's lots to be stressed about right now. Limiting doomscrolling helps, but it's something that requires constant vigilance and discipline, which really fucking sucks for somebody with ADHD because it takes forever to make something a habit. But I keep plugging along because what the fuck else can I do?

ANYWAYS. I have been listening to Exandria Unlimited, which is where you send all the people who want to dip into Critical Role but have no knowledge of the setting and/or can't do a 100+ episode campaign. Tonally they're very different but real excellent actual play.

The Prime and Kymal minis contain some of the stupidest bisexuals I've ever encountered in a TTRPG setting, which is a real high bar. It is truly incredible and I commend Aabria for giving a bunch of numbnuts like these an actual Vestige.

Aabria is a much looser GM than Matt, which I appreciate. She's willing to handwave rules if they get in the way of something absolutely dope happening, and it's a perfect mesh with players like Aimee and Robbie who are so new they don't actually know what's (im)possible.

Also, they are so fucking stupid oh my god.

Calamity and Divergence are real interesting to listen to back to back, because they span the breadth of what you can do with high and low level characters. Calamity is all dope-ass level 14 nonsense wrapped in tragedy and hubris and Divergence is characters with NPC stats and a 1/8 (as in a fraction) challenge rating whose reward is to get to level 1.

And Brennan is the perfect GM for something like Divergence. There's a very deep empathy in how he constructs this world, which is genuinely brutal and fucked-up and merciless, but that makes the kindness and compassion extended to people that much more significant.

I ugly cried a lot listening to Divergence, because sometimes you need people to tell you a story about how all the things that are devalued and scorned (knowledge, competency, kindness, mercy, love) are actually what will save you and possibly the rest of the world.

[tgcg]

Ya got any tips for writing dialog for the sillies?

i wish i could come up w anything deeply helpful irt this but i just kinda "feel it" & it "happens", generally in a way i find hard 2 explain to people... i will give it a go though

i made a post abt the kind of mindset i have when i write karkat dialogue here https://www.tumblr.com/cgtg/739174575193112576/do-you-have-any-tips-on-writing-karkat-dialogue a while back though🙂

for dave i think id have an even harder time explaining it, but my dave is rly heavily influenced by post-irony & ytp. whenever i write dave i just kinda follow a stream of consciousness that is dubious about shit and loves to laugh i guess? i rlly don't know how to describe it. i tend to reread canon dialogue particlarly from act3-6 for inspo, sometimes i'm straight up using my own brain with some kind of dave-filter

when i write them together i like 2 live in the beautiful world where they both agreed to be earnest with each other, probably my best example of that is "candid detail". i don't do that all the time bc i also like to write em with their guards up e.g. "bad mouther hole master", theres a lot of points in their relationship that have rly fun dynamics 2 me.

i guess i also do them kinda silly. ive been told my dk is quite silly. i like 2 imagine they know how to make each other laugh. they also learn a lot from each others perspectives on things, like insecurities or bad experiences or even just what they like / what art is to them, stuff like that. in my interp they do rly end up having a lot of things in common ideologically bc they're both at their cores very soft people.

it's all abt big long sentences with an undertone of quiet empathy. it can also be about aggressively bumping shoulders w their own egos too because that's fun

fundamentally though, i write them 2 be genuinely interested in what the other has to say. like, curious about each other. it gives u rly fun back & forth that isn't too mean-spirited & is more playful/genuine... i think it's rlly easy to write them totally discrediting each other's viewpoints which i do sometimes too (again, FUN !) but if u do it in the wrong context it just comes off as needlessly sardonic & harshes the vibe. i mention that bc i have a hard time balancing their egos & genuity myself sometimes

also very important to know when to have them run their mouths & when to have them sit their asses down & LISTEN. i tend to have them run their mouths a lot in scripts i havent finished/posted, just bc i have so much fun doing it, but it makes the dialogue so long-winded that i can't turn it into a comic... yeah definitely part of it is remembering they both know how to be succinct when they need/wanna be and aren't ALWAYS flapping their mouths. sometimes i realise a script is going in a direction that could be a whole other convo & that's when i tend 2 nip it in the bud

i really dont kno if any of this is helpful but i hope it is a little 4 my kinda... process i guess 🙂

thank u 4 asking me abt it ! if i think of better ways 2 explain it i will share in da future i hope u r having a good day

[venus-is-thinking]

DRDT Chapter 2 Episode 12: Initial Thoughts

Hello everyone! I thought it'd be fun to do a post going over some of my first thoughts from the episode after each release. "Initial" is a bit of a stretch, considering I did watch it a second time while making this post, but it's more "initial" in the context of being before the next episode drops. It's sort of like my "initial thoughts" of the Milgram MVs, which are actually the result of, like, 3 hours of obsessing and research, lol.

(By the way, @accirax and I watched the episode together, so apologies if her initial thoughts end up being, like, the same as mine.)

SPOILER WARNING FOR DRDT CH 2 EP 12!

T/W: Body image issues/body dysmorphia, murder, suicide

The Reactions

Confirmation of what I think most of us already suspected! I do think it's a little weird that Nico didn't bring up their testimony about all of the fish being there at the last time they fed the fish. That probably means it's being saved for later in the Trial, I guess?

It's okay Teruko, I saw literally no one in the entire fanbase figure this one out either!

Why is everyone so mean to her though. Everyone here has been an idiot in the Trials at LEAST once

God I missed David

This was so funny. Get his ass.

(In all seriousness, though, I do wonder if we're going to come back to what J said. I don't currently (?) think Arei was drenched, unless the real purpose of the water WAS just to confuse the time of death, so if the water didn't connect with her enough to cool her down, it might be weird that the body isn't warm after all.)

This took me out. Who let you say that. What.

Okay, but Ace, outside of a killing game... why. Like, literally why would a plastic surgeon need to know how to do an autopsy. King.

Like Felicity...? /hj

All in all, though, this was a really interesting character moment for Arturo! And god, the fact that he started learning medical knowledge and spedrun plastic surgery specifically since age 12 HAS to mean something. My vague theories of Felicity having struggles with body image/dysmorphia (Arturo's section of this post) are... maybe real???

Honestly, I'm starting to wonder if Arturo is going to go farther in this game. I don't expect him to survive or anything, but I could see it taking him a surprisingly long time to die. He feels like he's got too much lore to unpack to die, like, next chapter. Unless he gets HELLA focused next chapter, which is definitely possible.

This is so silly. I love them.

(Note: I'm not a Whit mastermind truther, but if I were, I would point out that MonoTV sort of covering up a rules violation for Whit could be relevant. I'm not a Whit mastermind truther though, so I think this is just a very silly joke a la "no wifi! why live :(" )

Well you see Eden, the killer would have actually had all night to prepare. If, say, they mentioned that they could dial in and focus on their work for like 14 hours straight, they could have gotten a lot done before 7:30 AM!

I'll talk about this more later, but the fact that J, David, Veronika, Hu and Nico seemingly have alibis that actually matter is so iconic. I can't believe that many theories died that quick. I'll talk about that more in my theories section, though!

It's been said before, but. Funniest fucking reaction to being declared innocent of murder.

"David still has a family history of depression even if that isn't his secret" nation where you at?

This one made me laugh out loud. Who does it like him

How truthful do we think David is in this next section? I refuse to believe it's 100% a lie, just because he's cooking SO hard on SOMETHING, but I could also believe David thinks he's lying to an extent. I could definitely see a "the best lies are based on the truth" kind of thing?

Also, damn. Xanvid really is real. LGI got me to believe it but WOW David's just being gay on main now

This was a really good, succinct way to have Teruko show her opposition to David's ideas. Even if it is to end the killing game or do something "good' or whatever, Teruko is still hurt and betrayed by what Xander did. Xander tried to kill her, and presumably would have tried to kill everyone else. David is now doing the same thing.

It's going to be really interesting if, whether genuine or not, David is kinda taking on Xander's position. That's going to give Teruko a reason to (outwardly) hate him even more. I'm really looking forward to learning more about how both Teruko and David view Xander.

Also, it's so fucking funny that Teruko and David are literally fighting over Xander. Like, valid, but. Guys.

(Also, David soooo knows Teruko's secret is the killing game is all your fault. Idk if he specifically knows that Xander's plan was to kill Teruko no matter what, but he's definitely caught on to some extent.)

This was crazy. Is Xander famous? Why would everyone recognize him? Like, did David just take particular notice of Xander because he's a simp, or is there something else going on?

Notably, it's also extremely interesting that David says "Even if you all lost a year of memories for this killing game." It almost implies that David didn't? What do you know???

Also, if David DOES have weird memories about this that no one else does, it's a really interesting comparison to Teruko remembering the existence of a killing game in the area investigation when she was talking to Veronika. Are these two getting special memory privileges because they're important? Or does everyone have some kind of memory that they all should have, but only one person knows each thing?

At first I was confused when David said this, because I really don't know how dear anyone in DRDT's life to him was other than Xander. But then I realized, if David is talking about killing 15 others and yourself, he's definitely still talking about Xander's mindset. Xander had something worth the lives of 16 people that he was trying to do.

I don't know how much David cares about ending the killing game. I wonder if "belief in Xander" is the thing he's willing to kill 13 people plus himself for?

I'm starting to get REALLY curious what J's deal is. Between this and her voiced line earlier in the trial saying something along the lines of "it's like you all still haven't grasped just how serious murder is," she definitely seems to have strong opinions on specifically the morality of killing other people. WHY is she being singled out with these beliefs, what does it say about her, and where is her character headed?

(If she is the mastermind, does this couple with the "all murderers must be held accountable" rule?)

"Any answer" is so funny. I think she's looking for the truthful answer, David. This is why no one believes you when you say anything ever /aff

Notably, this is VERY similar to the plan Eden came up with that Veronika described: using the fact that TV shows need entertainment to continue to end the killing game. It's the same thing, but with a much more depressed "everyone should just give up" kind of flavor.

The level of similarity does make me think David is probably not being 100% truthful, and that he just repurposed Eden's escape plan to be something sort of similar to what he was going for.

I do think that he WAS trying to defeat the killing game by killing people through the class trial. I just think that, between Xander's actions and the motive secret he received, he was trying to kill Teruko specifically. Yet another way that David's unhinged behavior ties into the Chapter 2 secrets.

*Hu hopeless child looms in the distance*

I'm so glad that Hu gets to pop off though. She really hasn't gotten, like, any content in the series so far. Here's hoping this is kicking off her getting a bunch of time to shine!

Interesting that they had both Ace and Hu cut Nico off in this interaction. The staging definitely implies that they're trying to show that while Ace is wrong for talking over Nico and not letting them say anything, Hu is also wrong to an extent for not letting Nico defend themself and running to their rescue all the time.

I am begging you. Please discuss the murder method. I didn't realize until my rewatch of the trial that they have actually literally not talked about the murder method at ALL except for telling David that he doesn't know shit about it.

HUH?????????????

Theory Update/Analysis

Well, I'm gonna start this off by saying that I'm still pretty locked into Eden being the killer. We still need to address the tape, and I personally still found her to be decently shifty now behavior wise (she seemed nervous when we turned back to solving the trial, and she says something about "it's too hard to narrow down the killer :/" when people were talking about morning alibis). I just think it makes the most sense.

While obviously my logic for why Levi would be the accomplice has to be at least somewhat flawed, given Levi's surprise confession (!!!), I still think it's possible that Levi is the accomplice here. He could be doing this to further confuse/complicate the state of things (hence why he calls it leading people astray), and it's possible he's not being 100% honest here.

Something that Levi could be doing here is taking control of the situation and spinning the truth in his favor. Hu mentioned earlier (e11, I think?) that the secrets are phrased dramatically. Similarly, Levi may be trying to offer an explanation for his secret that might be more tame, but still believable.

For example, if Levi says that he killed one of his parents because of the circumstances he grew up in, but it turned out that his parents were extremely abusive to him in some way (cough cough Amane Momose), wouldn't people be more willing to forgive the fact that he's a "murderer"? There are different levels to the culpability of murders.

So, it's definitely possible this is still an attempt by Levi to conceal the truth of his secret. It's true that, right now, no one's really trying to match all of the remaining secrets up with the remaining secret holders in-universe, but the entire fanbase pretty much slam dunked this one. Once the content of the secrets was revealed, it wasn't too difficult to track the origin of this secret to Levi. Levi might know that, and might be trying to spin it in a positive way while he can get everyone's attention and tell everyone the same narrative here in the class trial.

I don't think any Levi accomplice or killer truthers have to fully give up on the idea, or at least not until we see what Levi actually says after this. It's a WILD topic to reveal we're going to talk about, but we haven't actually talked about it yet. If we were told "we get David's motivations for trying to throw the trial," I doubt literally any of us would have locked in the prediction of "David is trying to follow in Xander's footsteps by killing everyone via the trial because he kind of remembers Xander." So, until next week, I'm keeping an open mind!

This was insane. I can't believe we actually got a new episode, and that we're gonna KEEP getting new episodes until the chapter finishes. What the fuck!!!

[nyxtickled]

Late to the party about the anon hater, and I enjoy your responses to them and everything, but I genuinely wish you wouldn't give these pissant, penny-ante, troglodyte shitheels your necessarily limited time and attention. They really don't deserve it at all.

Did make me think about relationship anarchy, though. Specifically: admittedly, the average house plant probably has a slightly wider social circle than I do right now, but I think I'm probably the only person I know who knows what RA is. I'm not there yet but between me and the horizon is a point at which I can actually Get Out There and Mingle enough to apply any relationship philosophy, and for a variety of reasons that are neither here nor there RA definitely appeals to me, but even if I understand it very well (and I'm not claiming to) that doesn't guarantee I can communicate it well.

Obviously the core of it is just empathy and respect for others' fundamental dignity, which any good relationship (style) should have. But on an immediate, practical level, say you meet someone you're into who doesn't know what RA is; what are you doing to get the message across that this a Thing You Do that you want them to be able to choose intentionally to practice with you?

okay first of all, iconic.

second of all, i can completely relate on the RA front! it’s very minimally known in my circle, outside of places like Feeld (a dating app for nontraditional relationship seekers). in terms of explaining exactly what it means to me and my intentions with practicing it, i usually start off by comparing it to non-hierarchal polyamory; that’s the closest thing that people tend to be a little more likely to understand.

so basically what it could generally look like is first me introducing that i have a partner/wife that i am nesting with, and that we practice RA.

“what’s RA?” relationship anarchy! it’s a style of non-monogamy, similar to non-hierarchal polyamory where my partner and i date separately and stray away from terminologies like “primary,” “secondary,” “main,” or “side” partners. there’s much more to it than just a lack of hierarchy though!

[now hypothetically let’s say the conversation has continued and there’s been expressed interest in developing some sort of relationship]

this would be the part where i encourage them to learn a little about RA to see how they feel about it based on their own research. there’s a translated Relationship Anarchy Manifesto which can be read here, very succinct and straightforward in terms of the ideological practices. then there is the Relationship Anarchy Smorgasbord which is a good jump-off point for defining the things you’re both looking for in a connection at that very moment, and then identifying the overlap and determining where you’d both like to begin:

and then ofc there are the more in-depth readings i might suggest, like rn im currently really enjoying the book Relationship Anarchy: Occupy Intimacy! by Juan-Carlos Pérez-Cortés. but i mean, it’s not like they HAVE to do a bunch of deep learning about it (although if they want to enter into a relationship with you they probably should want to wholly understand the relationship style you practice lol).

at the bare minimum, this is the stuff i’ve shared with people who were into me and didn’t know what RA was. sometimes they’re just like “oh cool!” and that’s about it, other times (like with my wife) they’re like “oh i love this let me learn everything i can about this” and it works out really well.

lmk if that answers your question, or if i need to clarify anything else i’d love to try! <3

[password-door-lock]

Unknown gives you a blank look. “Say that again.” He’s not shy about asking you for clarification when he needs it, nor is he embarrassed about lacking the context for whatever you’re planning to yap about. Unknown has learned since meeting you that you’re the one who’s strange for knowing so much about so many useless things, apparently including obscure Yuletide lore that has never been relevant to the Savior’s Christmas Day sermons. 

“Sure.” You shrug, evidently accustomed to odd requests from your employer. You’re not half as pliant as the believers are— you’re prone to snide remarks, and occasionally, you even argue with him— but ultimately, you are loyal to Unknown. “I asked if Santa and Rudolph had been here yet. It was a joke, boss.”

“Who the fuck is Rudolph?” Unknown has heard about Santa, of course, and he feels it should go without saying that the bastard is not welcome at Magenta. The sheer idea of a man who picks and chooses which children are worthy of receiving gifts is antithetical to the very project of the Mint Eye. But Unknown has other concerns at the moment. He’s never heard of this Rudolph person before, but if they go along with Santa, then they can’t be good news.

Granted, if they go along with Santa, then they’re probably not even real, but Unknown is nevertheless annoyed. He didn’t dress up in his holiday finest and spend all night working just so he could waste this morning cleansing your false faiths.

 “You don’t know about Rudolph? God, where do I even start?”

“Stop beating around the bush.” Unknown doesn’t have all day, after all, and he had hoped to give you your present sooner rather than later.

“Okay,” you pause for a moment, presumably— hopefully— to collect your thoughts before answering his question in a succinct and accurate manner. “Rudolph is one of Santa’s reindeer. He has a glowing red nose, so he was bullied as a kid, but then one year, it was foggy on Christmas, so Santa couldn’t see, and he was like, ‘hey, Rudolph, with your nose so bright, won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?’ and Rudolph said yes, but I’ve always kind of wondered if saying no was even an option for him. Like, do the reindeer live on their own and they just contract with Santa as freelancers, or are they his employees, like the elves? I can’t remember if the movie goes into it.” 

Perhaps unsurprisingly, your monologue has left Unknown with more questions than answers. He has no idea what to do with the information he’s just gleaned. “What’s a reindeer?” He asks. 

“Okay, bro, whoever taught you about Christmas did a seriously shit job,” you proclaim, “Reindeer are like— so, they actually exist, they live in… cold places, I guess? I don’t know. But they’re a real type of deer that you could actually go see in real life.”

“And… their noses glow?” Unknown is baffled. How could an animal like that really exist? 

“No,” you assure him, “They also don’t really fly, but in stories about Santa, he has a whole team of them pulling his sleigh. You’ve really never heard of reindeer? Ever?”

“Where would I hear about something like that?” Unknown demands. He finds it beyond doubtful that the Savior would ever have bothered to educate him about any animal, and that redhead never told Unknown the whole truth in his life. It would make sense that he’d be hiding something big, even about that made-up bastard Santa Claus. 

“Okay, well, I know how we’re spending Christmas morning,” you announce, like you have any say in the matter. Sometimes, Unknown wonders if you have any idea what it means to be his assistant, after all. “First, I’ll show you how to pirate the old claymation movie about Rudolph. That’s a classic.”

“Claymation?” It’s like you’re speaking a foreign language. 

“Man, have you never been outside before?” You ask, with a cute little laugh, “It’s a kind of stop-motion where they splice the film together from a bunch of pictures of clay figures. You’ll see when we watch it. Anyway, let’s also pirate some kind of documentary about reindeer. I’m sure there’s something like that out there, or at least… Arctic animals? But I don’t know if Reindeer live in the arctic. They might live in the woods.”

“You’re getting bossy,” Unknown warns, though he can’t hide his fond smile.

“I’m educating you,” you counter, looking equally fond.

Unknown goes along with your plan. He’s in a giving mood today, which is very seasonally appropriate and besides— he wants to learn more about reindeer. 

[pathos-logical]

Do you know of any resources or posts specifically about captioning comics? I am very new to this, but I love comics and I make comics so I want to learn how to caption them properly. Thank you for your blog and all you do!

Delighted you asked this, since it gives me the excuse to share one of my top favorite posts about exactly that!!! I used @/TheQueerWithoutFear's addition in this post as a personal bible when starting out with art IDs! I think this post also has advice which is generally applicable to lots of comic IDs, since people can get bogged down writing every single detail of a piece when the broad strokes would do and thus detract from the overall comprehensibility of an ID. I also really appreciate this site as a great resource for examples on how to write concisely and with an audience in mind, and this post also lays out a lot of good tips! I'll round out this post with some general advice/guidelines:

Neither alt text nor caption IDs are better or even necessarily more accessible than the other; what matters is good formatting (so please don't put IDs below a readmore or use anything but plain text, use sentence case and primarily formal language, use brackets and "ID/End ID" formatting for caption IDs but omit them from alt, etc!)

For comics, especially long ones, I personally favor conciseness over strict fidelity to art, though this is highly subjective and depends on the piece and sometimes my mood. What I would boil this down to is that you don't need to include every detail in a piece to write a good ID, and using narration/prose is often more understandable than transcribing visual techniques (Ex: "She notices something to the side" is clearer and more succinct than "Action lines next to her face indicate she saw something to the side")

Organizing an ID's information in a top-down format is best for comprehensibility: start with who/what is featured (and where they're from, if applicable) and what they're doing, and then move on to background, style, and details

Last, you're welcome, and thank YOU so much for reaching out!! Artists like you make the world go round!! Please feel free to reach out if you ever have more questions, and have a wonderful day!!!

[lululawrence]

hello i have a question about asexuality i hope its okay to ask you, i just dont know a lot of ace, its totally okay if ur not comfortable answering this pls just ignore me

im 23, i haven't been in a relationship, im not interested, im not interested in kissing or having sex or whatever but as im very active in reading and watching series im in a lot of fandoms, and usually i like men in a way that i want them to be my best friend (for example, louis & troye) but! sometimes i find men that are hot (their hands/thighs or whatever) and i say stuff you know like i need him i want his hands around my neck i want him to strangle me, is that like... ace? or not? i only do it online, with artists or athletes that i love. i never consider it with men/women irl, sex never occured in my mind

sorry to dump this on you <3

hi babes! you are so fine asking me. i'm just sorry it took so long for me to answer!

as for whether you might be ace or not, that's kinda really gonna be up to you. if you feel like asexuality is something that just really vibes with you right now and feels right, then congrats! you're ace! if that continues and you learn more and it keeps vibing and feeling good and right, then great! and if you learn more and it doesn't, then that's also great!

in my personal opinion, labels are more for the person using them than anyone else. sometimes they can help to explain things to other people, but i feel like they mostly help with us understanding ourselves a little bit more and feeling a little less alone. a little less broken. a little less (insert negative descriptor here). so if what you know of asexuality right now feels like the explanation and description you've been looking for to better understand yourself and your relationship with sexual desire and/or sex in general, then awesome! i am SO glad for you.

and here's the thing with the aroace umbrella(s) that i personally think is most important to remember: it's gonna look different for almost everyone. it is genuinely a spectrum, and no one definition is going to encompass everyone because of that. there are sooooo many identities that are a part of these big umbrella terms, and it is so beautiful, but it can be kind of confusing and maybe even daunting or overwhelming at times. that's okay. just keep trying to learn more and you might be able to pinpoint an even more succinct and better fitting label for yourself in the future.

i know this is probably not the answer you were hoping for, because it's kinda nice to hear someone say YES! THIS IS DEFINITELY YOU! but people are complex. our experiences and feelings are also complex. and therefore the answer to "am i ace?" is going to be infinitely complex as well.

that said, if you still aren't sure and you feel like you need permission to claim the label while you're still figuring things out, then i say go for it. welcome to the club! as an elder queer who identifies as ace, i think you are a beautiful addition to our crew and i am happy you are here.

whatever your decision is, i hope you feel good about it. feel free to come back if you need some more help sorting through things! i can't promise a quick reply, but i will answer as best i can when i'm able.