#I really had to activate my autism powers for this one

[horse-infamous]

I've been wanting to tell you this for awhile now but um—ugh— god it's kinda hard to say um... I'm a brony. "The hell is that" I watch my little pony, Dad. "What?" I watch my little pony with my friends. I'm a brony. "That's really gay." Actually— "I'm sorry that is gay. Um... are you uh... gay or something? Are you gay?" No dad I'm not— Dad, I'm not gay! It's— a lot of my friends watch it. We all watch it. A couple of my friends even have the action figures. "Are your friends gay?" No! "What the... what the hell is this? What happened with the ICP thing? What happened with the..." — I still like ICP! It's called a hatchet pony! "What happened with the cars and what happened with fucking wanting to build motorcycles" I'm still doing all that but I— It's— "You're telling me now— you're telling me now— you replaced like what you know— you replaced wanting to fix up trucks and motorcycles to fucking watching a child show?" Dad, it's not a child's show. "Yeah? Oh, I'm sorry. My Little Pony. Excuse me? A fucking show about... what was it? Toys?" It's a— It's about friendship and magic! "Oooh. Friendship and magic... totally not a child's show. Blace... come on..." Dad, there's a re— "please" — Dad, there's a really big fanbase and they even have a— they even have a convention in San Diego that like— "really big fanbase full of homosexuals!" Dad, they're not— Dude, girls even co— grown women even come to this thing. There's a huge fanba— there's a huge fan— "it's acceptable for women because it's a show about fucking cartoon characters talking about love and fucking rainbows, sunshine, and all that other shit." Dad, it's just— It's just a show I like to watch. I just wanted to tell you. Because I already told— I already told mom and she told me she— "you make it sound like you're coming out of the fucking closet. Are you coming out of the closet?" No dad! I'm not gay! "You certainly sound like it, the way you go 'Dad I have something to tell you. I watch shows about— I watch a little girl's show about ponies'" Dad, it's not like that. I— I just wanted— I just wanted to tell you because mom said— I thought "How the hell did this even happen, I sent you to uh... which one... when you were a— forest!— sent you to boy scouts. I took you out hunting!" Dad... "How the tell did you go from hunting, wanting to fix cars and  motorcycles and actually having a pair of testicles to..." Dad, Dad I still like to do all that stuff. It's just... it's a really thing I like get into. Me and my friends even go to these meetups with other people. We went to that sugar— that cupcake factory. Sugar mountain last week. You— you dropped me off there! "I— you said you were volunteering!" It is a volunteering thing! You get to make cupcakes! Honestly what I— when I— when my— when all my friends showed up wearing the shirts I thought you would've noticed by now... "I... I wasn't— I wasn't paying attention to them. I thought they were— I don't know!" Dad... all— all I'm saying is... is... I'm a brony. My friends are bronies... and... I am actually— I actually make animations and art for the brony community. "That's why you always underscored your fucking computer whenever I walk in. That's why you always turned off your monitor." Uhhh. That's another thing. Uhh I— I kind of uhh watch porn... relating to ponies. "WHAT?... WHAT!?" It's called clopping... "What!? What are you... WHAT? Are you fucking with me!?" No, it's called clopping, Dad. "Shut the fuck up..." it's called clopping okay! It's an actual thing. "You're fucking with me I know it!" No I'm not! "There is no— oh my god— there is no way." It's— It's called clopping Dad, it's something every brony does, okay? "Every... okay. So, you're not— you're not homosexual. You're a fucking animal fucker. Okay..." No! "Okay... okay" No! Look, everypony does it! "Oh my god... every—fuck... is that what they call it. Everybody. Everypony." Yes! Everypony does it. "Oh shit...you know, I was alright with the ICP fact because at least you were talking about killing shit, but..."

Well, if you— if it makes you feel better— Dad, if it makes you feel better, there's this god of chaos that destroys and like, breaks up shit. "Really..." There— there is— there is an online show called MOV and the ponies on there actually get slaughtered. There's this one pony that gets cuts and gets cuts in half with a chainsaw. "Blace...that doesn't change anything." —but "first off— first off you're watching the actual show, I assume." Yeah... "Right?" It's funny! It's got adult references in it! "You—you...what?" it's got adult references in it! Like from movies and old shows! "Adult references?" Yes! "Like what?" Um... there's is Star trek references "like some old fucking kid's movie or something" No! It's got like Star trek references, like this movie with like, Tom Hanks in it, it's got— "how would you even know, you don't even watch Star Trek!" I used to watch— I— we used to watch Star Trek all the time! "...it still goes back to the other fucking thing. You— what— what the hell did you call it? Fucking... jerking off." It's called clopping, Dad. "Yeah. God damn it Blace..." you know... mom— mom said she supported me. She does— she didn't care. "What!?" Mom said she didn't care! "How long has this been going on?" Um... since 2010. "Since 2010? You've been doing this for 2— almost 3 years?" Well... technically 2000— a little bit late in 2011 I started watching the show. But— it— it— the whole fanbase didn't really catch up until the beginning of this year, but the show came out in 2010. "Right..." Dad, if you— "okay..."— if you just watched it you would like it. "It was one thing when you told me you were watching the show, but masturbating to the fricking show?" Dad, there's a really big fanbase. "I don't care. There's a bunch of pedophiles out there are you gonna become one of them?" They're not pedoph—what!? "I'm just— I'm just putting in reference." There's— what pedophi— "Am I gonna have to keep you away from the local petting zoo to keep you from fucking the little horses?" What!? "You heard me!" Dad...i'm— I'm not gonna fuck a horse, geez. It's a show! "Well it sounds like it! It sounds like it!" It's— they're fanfictions! They write like, erotic stories! "You're telling me people write stories about the fucking cartoons" Theres one that actually kind of made me cry, it was called My Little Dashie. "YOU CRIED?" It's about this guy with no friends that get— that finds his pon— that finds his pony. And then, like at the end of the story the— the pony— uh the pony has to uh—like, after like 15 years the pony has to leave. It's really sad. "YOU DON'T EVEN FUCKING READ IN SCHOOL!" Well, cause that shit's not interesting! "... I don't— I don't even know...I'm just— so fuck— okay. I— I— You know what? I would've been fine if you just said—"

[finniestoncrane]

What's a kink of each of the riddlers that you feel like you haven't really talked about?

More Riddler Kinks

Riddler Headcanons hooray, finally getting round to this one after the event!! it's a long one too oops... ok i am got INTO this. some of them i think i've mentioned before but i am so glad to put my silly little thoughts into more detail 💚 request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi • masterlist minors DNI!! 🔞 cw: so many potentially triggering kinks here, cnc, piss, free use, roleplay, rough sex, violence, monster fucking, nude photography

dano

i have written about it a LOT but he definitely has a thing for cnc/rape play

and with him, it comes from a space of feeling like he's not good enough, and follows his life's trajectory of having to take things he wants rather than wait patiently for them to come to him

he wants to be in control of a situation, something he's never had before in any aspect of life

something that allows him to feel like he's in charge, that he's got the power

and at the same time, it's so emotionally fulfilling for him to be trusted by someone to that extent

to know a partner is willing to allow themselves to be so vulnerable around him, to get to be so close and intimate with someone

to feel like he's someone you have actively chosen to trust and let him take part in something like that

and to speak to him like an intelligent adult while you cover rules and boundaries and safe-words

that's so healing for him to experience, and it only amplifies his sweet and adoring behaviour outside of your more intense bedroom sessions

plus, any excuse to offer you the most satisfactorily sickeningly sweet aftercare, that's what he's really after

arkham

i play with this man like he's a fucking doll honestly there's not a kink i wouldn't give him, but allow me to delve into my most recent fixation

because i'm giving him a piss kink and no one can stop me

i don't think it's so much about the piss for him, more about the mess and the sense of control over someone's behaviours and habits

definitely about the embarrassment and humiliation

because the minute you let yourself go, the minute you're vulnerable standing or sitting in front of him

bound by his rules to not interrupt him for bathroom breaks

knowing that any mess you make is your own fault

that's when he gets his kicks

and the ability to chastise and degrade you for making a mess of yourself and having very little self-control is an added benefit

telling you how ashamed you should be, while you can see the smug smile on his face and the growing tent at the front of his stupid cargo pants

i don't think he'd piss in you or on you though. as messy as he is i think even he knows standards of good practice when it comes to germs and such

(he's filthy, yes, but very picky over certain textures and substances, it's the autism)

plus the act of him defiling you would be too much, since this idiot harbours intense feelings of admiration and respect that he's too scared or embarrassed to admit to

gotham

i don't think i've gone into too much detail about his medical fetish, but he definitely has one

i mean, i did write that thing on the autopsy table... but anyway!

definitely veering towards the experimental side of medical roleplay

he'll get all of the correct gear on, nothing inherently sexual about it unless you're into that kind of thing

protective gear though, a smock, rubber gloves, maybe a mask

and you'll be expected to be fully nude, all of you exposed to him so that he can test the limits of each part of you

see how every square inch of your skin reacts to his touch

or to his various 'tools' that he's got, sterilised and prepared to work on you

there's no medical benefits to this, he's not aiming to fix you

but he is definitely good at making you feel much, much better than you did before you were laid down on his table

teased, torturous edging, new experiences and toys

until you're a shuddering mess, ready to be eased up for some aftercare before he cleans up for your next appointment

his desire to study you, to see what makes you tick and what makes you make the sweetest sounds is what motivates him here

and he will take rigorous and extensive notes during and afterwards

and then study them in his down time (or alone time)

telltale

corruption, for sure. like his whole personality revolves around being the best and greatest manipulator and schemer that ever was

so corrupting your innocence, real or roleplayed, gives him everything he wants from a sexual encounter

and in a relationship

it's not like he's 24/7 on with the whole "i am your master" thing

but it leeches into everyday life easily enough when you spend a lot of time in his company

any roleplay scenario where he can play an authoritative character while you are a weaker, more innocent position works for him

professor and student, master and servant, he's not beyond playing god and having you pretend to be a nun either, and there are more taboo pairings he's willing to try

there's often elements of bondage, dominance, spirit breaking, orgasm control

anything where he has the higher ground

and he can teach you and show you new and exciting, or scary, things

having you beg to show him the correct ways, to educate you, to give you a new experience, to touch you in a way no one else has

that's what gets him off for sure

twojar

100% is into breeding, and definitely barebacking

the idea of fucking you completely raw (pending your health checks. he's completely clean and fine, but you on the other hand... he needs the documents)

that's what he's most into, especially if he can incorporate some other kinks into the foreplay or actual sex

and then have the grand finale be painting your insides with his cum, letting you feel the warmth of him

but it has to end with you under him, whichever position you prefer the most he's not fussy

with his cock buried deep inside of you

cumming inside of you and holding himself there, keeping you pinned to him

thrusting a couple more times for good measure so he can be sure he's pumped his seed as deep as it can go

and holding you afterwards, telling you how good you took him

his perfect little breeding stock, his sweet little cumdump

filled up and ready to bear the fruits of his labour

btaa

there is no doubt in my mind that every waking minute that he isn't spending on schemes or building his little gadgets

is spent playing fantasy roleplay games, of any kind, on any platform, alone or in groups

he's a huge nerd! it's one of those things that he'll never outlive, once a big dweeb, always a big dweeb

so a big thing for him is roleplay, and specifically, roleplay where he can involve some monster fucking

he can either play the hero, slaying the beast and then saving the girl, who promptly rewards him with herself to use

or being the hero who sets out to defeat the creature and instead ends up fucking it

or let him be the monster and he'll show you how monstrous he could really be

as long as it involves preparation, dramatic reactions, practice and rehearsing, preferably a script with some room for improv

and, of course, the most extravagant and detailed costumes (accurate to the scenario or time period, obviously)

then he will be a very happy, and satisfied, boy

zero year

i haven't really talked about this but it's a huge one for me personally with him

but i think he's a big fan of free use obviously like he just screams it

loves nothing more than a sort of semi-permanent situation where you spend days completely naked and at his mercy

and add a bit of roleplay into it, maybe you're his live-in housekeeper

cleaning for him, cooking for him, washing him, feeding him

and whenever he feels like it, he can stick his dick in you

but you can't react to him unless he gives you permission

you gotta stand there, kneel there, sit there, lay there while he fucks you without making any sounds

and comitting to whatever task you were in the middle of when he decided to start going at you

i just think it would absolutely send him to the moon to know that when you're walking around naked, bending over in front of him

hanging on his every word and obeying his every command

he could also just decide to press his cock inside of you nonchalantly

unburied

he's literally devoutly into cuckoldery, but he's the bull

imagine watching your partner get railed by some ineffectual dweeb with a penchant for riddles

knowing that he's giving it to them with all he's got, making them scream in pleasure and shout out his name

making eye contact with him at some point

and having him wink at you? stick his tongue out? give you some finger guns?

all with the most smug, self-satisfied grin you've ever seen on a human being

and then to top it off, he's calling out sex-themed riddles?

and laughing at you when you don't get them right?

that's not something you can come back from

that changes someone, on several deep levels

and truthfully, that's the part that he likes the most

the emotional scarring on your ego, and the little stroke his gets

knowing he's so annoying that he's unforgettable, which would be the biggest crime to him

btas

i have these ideas about him that always revolve around something artsy or classy

and while i think he would be into some dorky roleplay (he's definitely pretending to be a minotaur, sorry)

i do, selfishly i suppose, think that he would be into body worshipping

specifically in the form of erotic photography

he'd be keen to take pictures of you, in poses, costumes, scenarios, roleplays

directing you, encouraging you, watching you loosen up and let yourself go

whatever you were comfortable with, that's key here

and he'd cherish seeing your face afterwards when he showed you the final products

knowing he'd captured everything about you that he loves and finds attractive

pictures that he'll keep if you want, or destroy

it doesn't matter to him in the end really

he takes them because he thinks of you as his muse, the act of photographing you, of being allowed the vulnerability

to create with you in mind

that's what he finds most erotic and exciting and ultimately, an expression of his love and adoration for you

young justice

if you managed to get him to find the courage to admit to it, you'd learn his favourite thing is uh...

well... just because it plays into his... awkwardness, and shyness, and inexperience...

just... it makes sense that he has a virginity kink

but interestingly, it goes both ways

while he's so keen to have you show him the moves, and pretend to be inducting him into your little black book

teaching him how to touch you or how to move his hips

he's equally interested in switching the roles up a bit

it's a challenge for him, sure, but he's the riddler! there's no challenge he can't live up to

even if that means weeks of practice and lessons with an acting coach to get past the initial nerves

it would all be worth it to pretend that he was confident, dominant, and knew what he was doing

that and the satisfaction of taking something from you, something important

the honour in knowing he's your first (or at least pretending)

and the lasting impression he might have on you for that

that's the kind of idea that has him rutting into you like a fuckin beast

[birdofmay]

do have metal recommendations? I'm new to it. really completely new

*typing up a storm* You just activated the autism in me! 😄

Alright, here's a brief overview. Followers, feel free to recommend songs in the comments, if you listen to metal.

What bands you should know, at least their names:

Black Sabbath, Sepultura, Kiss, Van Halen, Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, Metallica, Slayer, Megadeth, Pantera, Anthrax, Helloween.

No need to know and like their songs, just know that they exist. There are some more, but you'll encounter them eventually anyway, I'm sure. Note that certain old bands are controversial now, for example Pantera and Metallica.

Some recommendations:

Heavy Metal:

The "How it began" part. Just check out Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, and Black Sabbath. You should know

Thrash Metal:

The earlier albums of Metallica, Testament, Exodus, and of course Slayer. "Raining Blood"

is well known, and I connect "Bloodline"

with long road trips as a child.

Doom Metal:

Some Black Sabbath is also considered doom metal. Apart from that I recommend Pentagram and Witchfinder General.

Black Metal:

Not mine, personally, except for certain derivatives, but they'll come later. I like very few black metal songs. They are:

Death Metal:

Many subgenres, I personally prefer Melodic Death Metal. Cannibal Corpse is well-known and also Obituary. Check out Debauchery, some In Flames, Dark Tranquillity, and Arch Enemy too. Recommendation:

But to be honest, most Children of Bodom songs sound alike 😂

Dark Metal/Gothic Metal:

Hard to sort the whole discography of one band into this subgenre. Some Cradle of Filth, some Sirenia, some Samsas Traum, Type O Negative. I also like

Power Metal:

Sabaton, Powerwolf, Manowar (not everything), HammerFall, Grave Digger (not everything), Sonata Arctica, some Blind Guardian. Power Metal often has characteristics of Symphonic Metal in some songs, so it's hard to put one band in one strict category.

Symphonic Metal:

Nightwish, Xandria, Within Temptation, Epica. Too many favourites to recommend a specific song.

Progressive Metal:

Dream Theater, Opeth, Tool, Symphony X. Specific song:

Folk Metal:

Some Ensiferum, Eluveitie, Týr, Finntroll, Svartsot, Korpiklaani. Also The HU for Mongolian representation 😎 Folk Metal is huge, I just focus on "northern" stuff because I'm "northern" too. Song recommendation:

Viking Metal:

This is actually a "Whatever, as long as it's about Norse stuff and the Viking age" genre. This is why many death metal, folk metal, and power metal bands ALSO are considered viking metal.

Amon Amarth are very well-known, I'd recommend

Pagan Metal:

Also a "Whatever, as long" category. Most folk metal bands are simultaneously pagan metal. Moonsorrow are more black metal but also pagan metal, which is why I'll briefly mention them here.

There also are Varg, but if I'm not mistaken they had some right wing stuff going on, so be careful there. I'm not sure what happened, but I think some of the band members openly supported a neonazi group. Could be that the members were kicked out after that, but even if everything is alright now, they still have a negative connotation.

Somewhere in between all this, there's Alestorm. They're also considered pirate metal, btw. But I'm not actively into that, which is why I put them somewhere in-between.

Industrial Metal:

This is your outsider, and I think every band considered "Industrial Metal" is at the same time considered 5 genres more. Rammstein, Nine Inch Nails, Eisbrecher (some would say it's Gothic), Ministry.

Nu Metal:

Some people would say "Nu Metal isn't metal!!!", but I like it anyway. Check out Slipknot, Limp Bizkit, Korn, Disturbed. "Duality" by Slipknot is the song of a common meme ("I push my fingers into my eyes") 😄

Also Machine Head, but it's hard to categorise them. I just checked, Wikipedia says they're sometimes considered "neo-thrash". Well I guess they're a bit of everything, but their newer albums definitely have nu metal character.

Metalcore:

If you say you're a metalhead but only listen to metalcore, metalheads will hate you for this. Just so you know. ☝🏼 It's a valid genre, but you're on thin ice if you don't listen to other metal genres. There are many overlapping genres here, which is why, again, it's difficult to label bands.

Parkway Drive (some would scream that they're post hardcore), Silverstein (some would scream that they're hardcore punk, others that they're emo), As I Lay Dying, Killswitch Engage, Bullet For My Valentine (some would scream that they're emo, others would say they're heavy metal), Bring Me The Horizon depending on the song, August Burns Red.

Lamb of God are considered metalcore too, but in my opinion they're more metal than metalcore. Anyway I'll mention them here for the sake of classification.

Yeah, that's about it, I guess. This post is already very long, so I guess I better stop at this point. I hope from here on you'll manage to navigate through the big metal genre yourself 😄

P.S.: I forgot Trivium! "Feast Of Fire" is currently stuck in my head

[happyk44]

hiiii happy!!!! how do you feel abt jason's adhd? in my opinion, the books didn't really do a job illustrating it. how do you think it would manifest and affect him? i'd love to hear your opinion ☺️ i love you!!! 💖💓💗

Personally, I think of Jason as being autistic versus having ADHD. We know through Frank that having ADHD and dyslexia (both of which Frank does not have) is not an exclusive requirement to being a demigod. On top of that, Rick’s use of ADHD is not… great. My sister has been diagnosed with ADHD since she was five – she is very much the inattentive subtype, and I think Rick’s use of ADHD as a superpower of hypervigilance does sort of exclude people who primarily experience inattentive symptoms.

But those kinds of symptoms are not easily rewritten as “benefits” (which. yeah. It’s a disability), so I get why he didn’t include it. I remember reading a while back that when the books were first published, rewriting ADHD as a superpower/benefit to kids who had it was a common narrative, so, like, okay, but also. It’s been two decades.

But anyway. Jason. Yes! In general:

He gets easily distracted by different tasks, but to other people it just looks like he’s multitasking

He forgets to take care of himself a lot, forgets to eat, shower, drink water, sleep, talk to people and be social, etc

Auditory processing issues. During long speeches he starts to zone out because the sound eventually merges into all the other background noise he’s trying to filter out (wind powers and wolf vigilance amplifies the sound of everything) so he often encourages people to just get to the point and be upfront, and gets frustrated when people won’t. Also can’t stand people who talk in monotone (which is ironic because I think Jason doesn’t inflect or shift his voice very much)

Leo definitely uses his voice in various tones during conversation, so while Jason is like “oh my god, please stop talking in circles I have no idea what you’re saying”, it’s a lot easier for him to listen to Leo’s rambling monologues because he doesn’t speak in one or two tones

If it doesn’t interest him, the conversation can start to blur together as well because he struggles to focus on what’s being said. Fortunately, just because of how CJ and New Rome are structured, most topics at hand are things he likes (ancient Rome, gods, politics, etc). Unfortunately, Jason doesn’t really have strong human connections and his position as the golden boy of Camp Jupiter, champion of Juno, son of Jupiter, etc, etc, etc distances him from a lot of people so casual topics, like video games or TV shows, rarely get brought up to him in the first place

The onslaught of sensory issues makes it hard for him to focus. He’s taught himself how to filter things out, but it’s a constant practice to do and gets very tiring

Object impermanence – if he can’t see it, it doesn’t exist. Luckily for him, he doesn’t own a lot of things, but for things he has to keep tucked away in a drawer (like clothing), he slaps labels onto the container/drawer. Everything else, like the couple of misc trinkets he owns, he keeps out and obvious

One of things he does to help it avoid blending into the background is using sharp colour contrasts. So if its important – like medication or something, he might use a bright yellow basket on top of a black dresser or whatever because the yellow stands out so sharply it’s hard for the basket to blend into the background and so he remembers to take his meds.

Another thing is moving location. So he might move the basket from one side the dresser to the other and back again every so often

He’s pretty good at maintaining habits and routine (autism), but also if something happens that throws off the routine it takes months to get back on track and it is the worst thing ever, it is grueling and he hates it. Habits and routine are not innate, they are a constant active conscious choice he makes every day

Making plans can be difficult, even in battle or on quests when strategy is key. He can get tripped up on the small details and overlook the larger picture, or be so focused on the larger picture, he doesn’t see the small details. Because people have been so reliant on him for strategy, he’s more or less managed to get away with looking competent, but it’s always a competition with himself to remain on task, instead of narrowing into something that doesn’t matter

People will often comment on how fast he can get things done but its literally that he gets things done fast because sometimes he waits too long to do the thing (procrastination) and now he’s got like five seconds to the deadline, OR he has a burst of focus and gets that thing done as fast as he can before the executive function dips

He does get bored easily, so he'll flit between task to task, but it’s really that he needs stimulation, needs to be doing something, and if he’s not doing something, he’s losing his mind, and because he lacks a core sense of identity, he flits from task to task to find something that interests him (but there’s so little that does because he does not know who he is and he’s just mimicking people and it’s not the same)

Emotional dysregulation

He gets lost in his own head a lot. Part of it is just standard dissociation, but the other part is that his brain is always on, everything is firing at all cylinders, there is no quiet, it’s just noise and reminding himself of things he needs to get done on repeat, 24/7, loud as can be and he can't turn it off or lower the volume. His brain is full of bees and they won't stop buzzing

As a result, he probably has pretty bad insomnia

I think he has a lot of trouble getting stuff started. Body doubling encourages him to get started on stuff, and he’s never not been surrounded by at least one other person, so when he starts living alone in Cabin One after The Lost Hero, he is so confused that he can’t seem to force himself to pick up his shirt off the ground. And it just stays on the ground for days. Until he runs out of clean underwear and has no choice but to pick it up to get laundry started

He doesn’t own enough stuff to be fully disorganized, but if he does, he’ll have the most organized areas in his room ever, and then his closet is a mess because “well I don’t go in there a lot”

I think he tries to keep a spreadsheet/list of items he owns that he doesn’t use very often, but he still has doubles of a few things. Also so many batteries. He’s constantly like “I don’t think I have enough batteries” and then he buys the batteries and comes back, goes to update the list on the back of the door and it’ll be like “you have batteries. Stop buying batteries. There are too many batteries” and then he throws the batteries in the box that’s overflowing with batteries and forgets they exist again, but then, when he does need the batteries, it takes him so long to find the box

He would self-medicate on coffee if he didn’t hate the taste. He also doesn’t like soda. Or chocolate. So, you know, RIP to him. He’s rawdogging life. At least Leo can inhale caffeine like his life depends on it

He has the waiting mode problem, where if he has something scheduled at a certain time, it doesn’t matter how much time he has until that thing, he just. Waits. For the thing. Like he could get so much done in that time, but he can’t. Again, body doubling has helped, but living alone makes it so much harder

Reward systems don’t work with him. He doesn’t get the same sense of satisfaction that a neurotypical would after getting a reward after task completion. So when he absolutely needs to get something done but his brain is like “nah we gotta sit here and stare at this wall for seven hours while dissociating”, he just ends up screaming at himself a lot

Jason’s probably in a burnout so intense that if he took a minute to rest, his body and mind would shutdown for like three years.

He forces himself to get things done and screams at himself the entire time, and it hurts in a way he doesn’t understand but he has to do these things because there’s no other choice and people are relying on him.

Since he’s been groomed for leadership since day one, he’s never really had a chance to breathe that the other kids would get, so even when he finally has the chance to rest, it’s like his mind knows how unsafe that would be because shutting down completely would never be safe for him (trauma!!) so he just refuses to rest, which involves a lot of him getting lost in his own head or hyper-focusing on something (like spreading recognition of minor and forgotten gods) instead of. You know. Breathing

I think a lot of his issues with ADHD become more present after TLH when the quest is over and he’s alone. CHB has structure, but its not as narrow as Camp Jupiter’s routine and structure, and Jason lives alone, operates his own schedule, doesn’t really have other people to remind him of things, etc, etc, so the sudden shift makes him start to spiral a bit in his fears of incompetence.

It’s not that he’s incompetent, he’s very competent, but his problems were never as evident because other people had his back as he had theirs. He’s kind of like people w/ undiagnosed ADHD or autism who leave their support systems for university and suddenly school and life is the most difficult thing in the world, when before it was a lot easier

Timeblindness does affect him a lot, especially when he's doing something he enjoys. He wears a watch everywhere. And has a lot of backup watches

A lot of these probably overlap with autism but like, lol, I do primarily view him as autistic.

[jariten]

My Favorite Manga in 2023: Part 2

Like in part 1 I will skip the titles I already covered in previous roundups.

女の園の星 (Onna no Sono no Hoshi), Yama Wayama

初恋、ざらり (Hatsukoi, Zarari), Zaku Zakuro

うちのクラスの女子がヤバい (Uchi no Class no Joshi ga Yabai), Seiko Erisawa [Ichi-nen Ichi-gumi omnibus edition]

インターネット・ラヴ! (Internet Love!), Kiko Urino

レイニー通りの虹 (Rainy Doori no Niji), Keiko Fukuyama

葬送のフリーレン (Frieren: Beyond Journey's End), Kanehito Yamada & Tsukasa Abe

Yama Wayama appears to be on a continuous upwards trajectory as the manga comedienne of the reiwa era which I got to confirm for myself with the hit Onna no Sono no Hoshi. The episodic comedy about a teacher daily terrorized by his students and coworker. And with the scanlation well on its way I just want to say please experience it for yourself.

Uchi no Class no Joshi ga Yabai I had eyed ever since I started learning Japanese and the new omnibus that coincided with the ongoing sequel series gave me a great reason to finally pick it up. Box of Light by the same author was on my list last year and I not only liked the premise of it but also loved the anthology format of the story. For similar reason I really liked Uchi no Class: In the world of the series high school aged girls may experience the activation of powers.... that are completely useless and troublesome. We follow the students of year one class one, a class infamous for always having the highest concentration of useless powers. Dreams projected into the sky, X-ray vision that turn everyone around you into terrifying anatomy models is only the tip of the iceberg. I can't resist a gimmick premise done successfully and the variation of characters and powers kept the premise fresh like older characters who haven't yet "grown out" of their powers or a trans girl storyline.

Hatsukoi, Zarari follows the young woman Arisa diagnosed with a light intellectual disability and autism. Living between jobs and having a hard time turning down men who only want to have sex she has always struggled with her own self worth. This is until she falls in love with an older coworker who is charmed by her personality and quirks. But will things change if she opens up about her diagnoses? Zaku Zakuro has made manga and shared online about living with ADHD and asperger syndrome, giving this story a very personal and different perspective focusing especially on how stigma around developmental disabilities can be what causes the most friction and pain.

Internet Love! is a love story for the social media age with a budding romance that goes across borders. Bisexual nail artist Tenma has for years been a fan of a completely ordinary man from Korea named Uno who appears to be addicted to posting his life on instagram, daily filling up his story until the posts are lined up like dots. Thinking he held nothing but a healthy distance of "standom" for Uno, but he instead hits rock bottom when his insta favorite posts a girlfriend reveal. Tenma no longer able to bring himself to open the daily insta stories sinks into a depression, but Uno takes note that a certain someone stopped checking up on him... I was instantly charmed by this and was especially taken by how their clumsy attempts at communication without being able to speak each others language or no lingua franca was portrayed and the personal styles and fashions of the characters I just adored the whole thing.

[alevolpe]

So I just read your HCs, and I love how you characterized Ami as having autism. She was always my favorite character-- we even share a birthday-- and I'm glad that I'm not the only one who sees her as being on the autism spectrum.

I'm also not ashamed to admit that I teared up a little reading what happened to Luna. I love the relationship Ami and Luna have, both in the actual show and in your headcanon.

Thank you so much!!

I love that more people are open to the autistic Ami hc now. It was always a bit of a no brainer to me, but I understand why some people pushed the idea away.

That said I love her. I've mentioned before that even back a year ago Ami was prob my 4th or 5th fav, but getting to draw her and write her more and more (and a bit of Makoami magic lol) she has srly grown on me. She's still not my fav, Mako my beloved, but she has a serious soft spot in my heart, I go back to her a lot for comfort.

So I'm always so super happy when people tell me they like my characterization of Ami.💙

Her and Luna's relationship is something I srly wanna explore more.

I see Ami as an outcast, but not really cause her peers actively dislike her, but cause Ami has chosen to distance herself from them, deciding to focus on her studies and academics instead.

This lack of interaction with people her own age has made it difficult for her to relate with them, being actually much easier to interact with people older than her (since that level of informality is never broken and that's where Ami is at her most comfortable).

I see Luna as a middle-aged woman at least and for her, connecting with Ami was easy since the beginning, even if it took her a bit for Ami to warm up to the idea of this 'new reality'. Ami does not want to do this. She said it to Luna since the beginning, initially refusing to aid her and turning her back on Luna's offer to become a senshi.

Though Luna stuck around, not only cause this is her mission, but also because she saw a loneliness within Ami (despite Luna's mission being JUST to reawaken the senshi, she couldn't overcome her maternal instincts). Ami is initially perplexed by this, but slowly starts to warm up to Luna, enjoying her company, her talks, her advice, her compliments, affirmations..

I can see a conflict within Luna at this point, coming to care about this girl, but feeling extremely guilty about her behavior, being very easy to be read as, well, grooming, for a lack of a better term. Tho Luna genuinely cares.

I think multiple factors influenced Ami to finally try being a senshi a go. Seeing someone being attacked by monster (which had Ami initially just simply ran away from it, Ami's but a simple human, powers or not, she's scared), an odd sense of responsibility put on her (Ami being an extreme people pleaser, if an authority entaskes her with something, she feels a sense of duty and drive to make the person proud), but ultimately I think the major factor was Luna.

Luna is the primary reason Ami became a senshi (refresher to the join order of the girls in my AU: Ami awakens first with Luna, then Rei joins, then Usagi). It's not easy, in fact it puts a severe strain on her, both physically and mentally, but Ami pushes through, for Luna. Eventually made easier (and harder in some ways) by the avdent of Rei joining the team.

Loosing Luna is something that will keep resonating withAmi throughout the series. It's like loosing a second mother, especially since Saeko has been fairly absent through her life (though Saeko will be more present, suspecting something is up with her daughter and she will genuinely try to "mother", Saeko is a disaster, in many ways more than Ami herself).

She will start asking herself why she is even doing this anymore, since Luna's not here, who is she even fighting for anymore? It's a very selfish question, she's aware, but I think it's a form of coping from her part.

Despite asking such a question constantly, she never makes to leave, she would never, she knows she can't, cause she cares too much about her friends. She knows she's now fighting for them too, but this would be the first time such thought would be a conscious reflection in her mind, having had Luna be such a central staple on her mind for so long.

Unknowingly, Luna had eased her among loving peers. It was never all easy, they had fights and they will have more, but Ami finally belongs. It's a bitter sweet feeling for her.

Ami loves her team.

At this point, she cares so much about Usagi, being the first to show her how to "friend". Starting as just an odd aloof girl that joined her team, to seeing her as a girl who always strives to make others happy. Bringing cheerfulness into team since the very first day, something that Ami became so accustomed to, she would never realize how much she would miss it til having to go back to an empty apartment, color seeming to drain along the walls in the lack of her presence. A simple genuine smile, something that seems so simple, yet so rare, Ami cherishes it so dearly.

And Rei.. Rei's complicated, she likes to make herself as such. Ever since the beginning, Rei seemed cold, refusing Luna's offer like Ami had done prior. Though this time, Luna just seemed to run in a wall every time she went to the temple. Talks, explanations, pleads, bargains, nothing seemed to work.

"I can talk to her if you'd like"

She really didn't want to, but for Luna, she will. The talk went as well as you expected it, an incredibly frustrated Rei trying to deal with recent accusations of her temple attracting mysterious attacks on students. Despite that, Rei didn't try to physically ward off Ami like she did with Luna many times (Luna is still pretty scared of that broom).

"Did that dumb cat send you? Listen, I have a job to do here, so you either get to the point or you get out of my way."

...

"So?"

"My name is Ami, Ami Mizuno" offering her hand to Rei to shake.

...

*Sigh*, Rei unashamedly pinching her nose in frustration. "If I shake your hand will you tell that dumb cat to-"

"Luna"

"What?"

"Her name is Luna"

"Yes! I know her name! She's been harrassing me in my own house for the last 2 weeks! Alright, listen. I don't know what kind of program you guys are a part of and I have no interest to know, but let me put this into clear terms so that maybe an actual 'person' might understand this better than a stupid cat. NO! Now scram, I'm busy!"

.. "..." "ok" bowing and turning to leave.

That night, something akin to guilt seemed to boil within a restless Rei Hino. She knew it wasn't due to how she confronted the girl, she had all rights to be angry! Tho a seemingly related vision of the girl with blue hair, lying perfectly still in a pool of what seemed to be her own blood stuck with her.

Rei will tell herself that she joined the team to get Luna to stop harrassing her and that the team NEEDS her. Like, come on, how is such a team meant to go on without the grandiose Rei Hino leading them to victory?! Earth would have no shot. HA!

Rei would never admit part of the reason she did join, was Ami, seeing the girl get hurt, or possibly killed, haunted her. She blamed Luna for this. Ami should've never been a part of this. Ami's weaker, almost fragile combat figure seemed like a cruel joke to Rei. Seeing the girl even shivering from her powers (Ami's not immune to her own powers), the small girl curled up into a ball in a desperate attempt to keep herself warm in a relatively cool night. With a loud sigh and exaggerated movements, Mars made to cup Mercury's hands.

Ami, being obviously perplexed and put off by this, but almost too weak to pull back, finding comfort in her companion's warmth after having to endure numerous and stressful post-fight recory sessions with nothing but the comfort of helpless Luna offering her kind words of encouragement.

It would take a while for both Ami and Rei to fully come to terms to the idea that they were 'friends'. When the newly recruited Usagi asked, Ami had no answer ready, which is extremely unusual of her. 'Friends? Are me and Rei friends? We're companions, teammates, we never really hang out outside of missions or just studying silently at the temple', though Ami enjoyed her presence. Except when Rei was needlessly rude to Luna, Ami enjoyed being around her. It didn't feel quite as lonely, even if they never openly spoke about their lives, hobbies, families... 'I guess we're not friends'.

Ami hated being so logical at times, but she couldn't help it.

Throughout the season and into season 2, this relationship between the two grew stronger, especially due to the 'Usagi' phenomenon LOL. Making it so effortless to bridge the two into more intimate moments outside of uniform. A mission to check on an amusement park became a fond memory for Ami. A picture taken of the 3, looking so much like the pictures she'd see of her school piers sharing among each other of their 'hangouts'. Funny how that worked.

Rei and Ami's friendship would def have its highs and lows, mostly stemming from Luna and how differently each girl would see her. Ami being very capable of holding a grudge toward Rei's treatment of her. All of it reaching a terrible boiling point at the moment of Luna's death and discovering about Rei vision. Again, Ami was absolutely blinded by rage and grief. She loved Rei. Rei's no murderer, but she let her primal emotions take over and with the events of season 2 after that, the two never got a moment to grief or a moment to reconcile. Rei still holding a massive grudge toward Ami, refusing to even speak to her outside of sailor business, while Ami is eaten by grief and guilt.

Mako being her main source of comfort at this point (Usagi tries, but she also has her own demons to fight still). The previously mostly unknown, if nice, tall girl that joined her team late, seeming to take steps to take care of a broken Ami, offering support, food, and and a shoulder to cry on.

Luna's influence will be felt by the team and not forgotten. Ami especially will carry her momery forever.

Idek why I wrote ell this LOL. I feel inspired at times , srry 😅.

Thank you for the ask <3.

[chaifootsteps]

Hey so uh, student studying psychology, I agree.

Personal story that will end up relating to Viv, I promise. (Please do not take this as a diagnosis either, but I also noticed Viv and my ex share troubling personality traits)

Not APA, but I had an ex who I'm pretty sure has NPD (He is also autistic, and I am as well). We got along so well, probably because we were both autistic. It was a long-distance relationship we had for 4 years.

I had a very troubled childhood growing up, and hardly had any friends in school. I never went to hang out with anyone, I always came straight home. I was extremely isolated for those 4 years because my caregiver was extremely abusive to me. My ex was all I had.

For 4 years, he promised me I was the only one he ever wanted. He told me what I wanted to hear, and became a completely different person to disguise who he really was underneath. Ironically, he "works" as a filmmaker/actor. Sometimes I knew it felt off, he'd pressure me into doing things I was uncomfortable with (only a year and half age difference so he wasn't an older guy grooming me (but he was still absolutely grooming me. I was also a minor at this time.)

He'd also lovebomb the shit out of me, as well as using a term called "future faking", where the person promises you a grand future and that everything is going to be wonderful and amazing. It's a tactic, like lovebombing, to keep the victim hooked for as long as possible. He promised me we'd get a shitty apartment together, that he'd "take me away" from the abuse I was suffering from for so long.

He promised me a family. Children. Marriage. Everything and anything I needed to hear to keep me in his power.

For his "movies" he would go to conventions and find D list actors to be in his stuff and he would, in private, go off about how he's got these "amazing actors" from xyz movie. He'd also gloat about the expensive equipment he'd gain access to. Like Viv at GlitchX, he would never shut the fuck up about his projects and ideas. He was extremely self centered. He loved taking photos with them with smug looks on his face too. He also literally took a picture of himself kissing himself, with a mirror filter, and showed me in private. I brushed it off but always thought it was weird. I wish I was joking.

He would also lose his ever loving shit if you critiqued him. He would actually cry and throw childish tantrums. And not even his stuff, if you said ANYTHING negative about his interests, he would take it as a personal attack. Not even that, if you just gave a "meh" reaction to something he'd show you, he'd also get super passive aggressive and pissed.

I think part of that is the autism (I struggle with people not liking things I like too. I get bummed out and sometimes pissed, but never to the degree that he did.) but it was always uncomfortable for me. But I always championed his movies. I never once said a negative thing about them. Not in private or to him.

Fast forward to me finding out he cheated on me, and continued to cheat on me with 5+ people over the entire course of our relationship. I read horrific messages between him and those people, where he called me a "bitch" and would actively plan out "how to get me back" whenever I tried leaving him (because again, I had weird feeling about him but he always managed to pull me back in).

And I'm not going to lie, I was shitty towards him. I took my anger out on him from the abuse I suffered because he was the only person in my life.

I regret that to this day. I never should've yelled at him or treated him badly when he was (at least to me) genuinely trying to make me happy.

All he cared about was himself and getting his dick wet. He still tries to tell me (if he can get his messages through) that he always loved me, and he just made mistakes as a "stupid kid."

It took a long time to get away from him and see that he was extremely unhealthy. He also has very dangerous gross fetishes, that I even didn't know about when we dated.

So yeah... they both are very similar for sure. Paperskin egos, takes criticism as a direct attack, self-centered, collecting people, hiding their true personalities, using people to climb the ranks to meeting celebs and using them in their work, lovebombing their victims...

Again, this doesn't confirm either one has NPD, but Viv reminds me a lot of my ex. And it's not good at all.

And this is MY experience. In no way shape or form am I demonizing anyone else who has this disorder.

And if you've experienced these things from someone, I am so sorry. I hope you can get the help you need.

Thank you for your story, Anon. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

Not going to say anything, just going to leave this here so people can draw their own conclusions.

[nadekofannumber1]

need to know what you thought of Nadeko Around

Honestly I blasted through the book pretty quick and I’m gonna prolly take a reread and put out more thoughts later. However, what I think of it now is that it’s a good Nadeko finale in a sense. I’d of course love to see more Nadeko but she really got her shit together in this one so a lot of character growth isn’t really something I see in the future. I’d like to see the confidant kinda mean Nadeko thrive!

More info below

I feel like it kind of went through all the major tennants of Nadeko:

Learning to want to live and feel alive

As a member of the “nadeko detested living to the degree she doesn’t want to live” believer club, I’m proud to announce that Nadeko is learning to feel alive and let go of inhibitions. Nadeko goes from feeling guilty for being “so spoiled” because she didn’t know shit about island survival scenarios, to being actively proud and happy when she wins to dropping her guard living ungracefully and actively going feral. Nadeko experiences the joys of it all and it’s wonderful.

The love of creation

Nadeko draws, Nadeko draws a lot it’s the whole thing she creates and she does things that are special. Nadeko becomes a wizard and that’s so awesome. The thesis of this book is the love of creation and how it drives people to truly live.

Society, roles, clothes, and appearance

Nadeko in this story abandons a lot of what society finds pure with her appearance, being gaunt, tanned, covered in wounds with calloused hands, building light muscle, having short hair. A ton of traits that make certain types scream and throw up in hatred for “not being pure”. While Nadeko does wear the uniform it’s a complex thing where it’s comfortable and there’s identity in it but Nadeko feels as if she’d prefer to wear other things even changing for the final confrontation. Honestly it makes me wonder about how they’d adapt it into an anime outside the obvious bc Nadeko acquires a ruggedness I think some would find hard to market unless simplified aesthetically. My final wonder is what outfit Tsukihi put her in as nademono had threads of the concept of Nadeko reconnecting with concepts of femininity and repairing that relationship but putting Nadeko in a cute outfit feels wrong. Personally I’d prefer perhaps something gnc or masculine and maybe trendy but also I’d take something mature aesthetic wise. I just feel that doubling down on the tomboyness (and also other potential read’s of Nadeko’s character with gender) would actually suit Nadeko well as one that forges their own path and doesn’t necessarily need to conform to tradition (being something entirely self made, for the love of creation).

Recognizing and self actualizing one’s own circumstance

Nadeko though this arc looks at her past and decides that it is the past and she was done wrong in said past. This includes Nadeko acknowledging that her parents did see her like the stuffed toys they bought her, Nadeko is self aware and understanding “I was sheltered but shit is fucked” and “I also get what my parents meant but I’m not changing carrier paths.”

Getting meaner on purpose

Nadeko’s arc involves her getting less cute and more mean on purpose. Urako tries to get under her skin but Nadeko is just like “whatever bro, don’t care, gonna save you btw.” Nadeko being allowed to be mean and falling from that grace can be also analyzed via parallels with hanekawa and shinobu but I think that’s a big post topic. TLDR Nadeko becoming more open and rude and honest is a break from society and tradition and Nadeko doesn’t need that. Nadeko needs to be free to go off and live her atypical life even if others don’t get her. Even if Nadeko works in the “real world” she doesn’t become normal and take normal paths set for her and I’m proud of her for that. Nadeko can work with others but doesn’t have to pretend.

Kind of the autism power fantasy jk(unless…..)

That current of homoeroticism that isn’t stated but definitely came to something

Nadeko got her “first kiss” (mouth to mouth with Yotsugi) and she spent so much time on that island thinking about drawing naked women and women’s bodies, and then the urako moment happened, and of course the beloved mention of Tsukihi in a pure positive light. Even with believing these characters are just friends nisio sure does love ramping up undertones as much as he possibly can. That it kinda becomes a cope to look away from their importance to Nadeko.

Even in a straight Nadeko scenario the image invokes a concept of experimenting with one’s self and identity which is integral to the coming of age aspects of Nadeko’s character arc (i also think that what Nadeko did with araragi was trying to experiment safely to test waters and limits, and that can still even apply in the straight Nadeko scenario.)

Nadeko’s family doesn’t want to talk to her much even though she’s successful and is forging her own path. Mangakaphobic, they really did hate her for coming out (as a mangaka) to them, they thought they had a normal daughter who wanted to be a bride and put it on forms of what she wanted to be when she grew up. Pay no mind to the fact Nadeko is masking her true self and picking what she’s supposed to. Nadeko a cute innocent girl but she came out (as a mangaka) and they hated that, Nadeko always had a secret she kept in the closet that she felt her parents disapproved of and yet in that closet was her real self (mangaka), the wanted the image of her to remain pure so even when Nadeko came back home and cut her hair short they hoped Nadeko would choose to go back on the path they wanted for her (not a mangaka), and yet that ended up with her homeless and taking odd jobs, years later Nadeko tries contact but won’t give up on being who she is it’s a them problem that they won’t accept her at this point, Nadeko will never stop being who she is and won’t closet herself in this society (from openly being a mangaka)

Nadeko valuing relationships with others

Nadeko’s aquisition of friends is more emphasized in Nadeko draw by presence but here it’s emphasized by silence how much Nadeko values her relationships with others. Yearning pining and surviving!

Nadeko not really thinking about Koyomi

A fun one! When you see a lot of character’s internality you can kind of see those opinions, and progressively through arcs Nadeko truly realizes those feelings were kind of misplaced and generally doesn’t think about the guy almost at all compared to a lot of other characters in subsequent arcs, Nadeko doesn’t really even bring up the guy herself until she’s about to die from that snake, there is reflection in urako of course but it’s a beautiful metaphor of scale peeling and “shedding one’s skin”

—————-

Even after this there’s a lot of fun implications with urako making the snake charms and kaiki dealing out fake ones that accidentally ended up activating. Real fascinating enriching chewable concept.

I got more I suppose but that’s all for now, expect other Nadeko brainrot posts in the future (and maybe something about shinomono 1 if I find motivation)

Nadeko’s autism truly has evolved into evil autism (congratulatory)

[textingtroublesanswers]

mod, do you have to like, keep notes of the plot lines on this blog? like character info sheets on hand n' stuff?

Mod B: nope. I just keep it all in my head, & do a lot of scrolling. At one point in time, I was actively Roleplaying with three people online at once, for an entire day, constantly flipping between channels like a maniac. I have practice.

Also, most of the 'deep lore' of this blog is just headcanons I've had for a while now. Things you can even find in some of my other fics! So that stuff is pretty easy to remember.

I also just have a really good memory. That's my autism power, being able to remember silly shit real good.

[audhdnight]

Anyone else really fucking sick of the whole edgelord “we don’t need school it’s all bullshit when will I even need to know any of this” crowd who will also immediately turn around and violently shame and attack anyone who says something misinformed or asks a question that they deem to be “common knowledge”???

Like yeah, I remember highschool. It sucked, but not because of what I was learning. It sucked because teachers are overworked and underpaid/under supported, and the school system doesn’t give half a shit about disabled kids or kids with different neurological conditions or really any of the kids.

We do need schools. Whatever issues the system as a whole has, it needs to be reformed, not done away with. You cannot sit and gripe about how we don’t need any of these history classes because it’s all stuff you don’t want to know anyway, and then go absolutely batshit insane when someone doesn’t know about Pearl Harbor.

Because those people aren’t stupid. They are being intentionally misled, neglected, misinformed, or all three. They are ignorant, not because they chose it but because someone else chose it to further their own desires.

Ignorance leads to harm. Ignorance leads to manipulation. Ignorance is why we have slews of people in the US who are so scared of autism (which IS NOT SOMETHING TO BE SCARED OF) that they refuse to vaccinate their children, which is a form of medical neglect. They are actively endangering people they care about because they have been lied to by political parties and religious leaders who benefit from uneducated mobs.

Ignorance is how you get cults. Ignorance is how people get taken advantage of. Ignorance is how you get genocide. ONE person decides they want power and they use the lack of education to amass followers who will support them blindly because they don’t know any better.

Everyone is appalled when ex-Mormons get on the internet and talk about all the things they had to learn as adults, who by all accounts should have known those things by the time they were fifteen. People lose their fucking minds when ex-Mormons mention they didn’t know how babies were made until after they got married at like thirty. I saw someone make an entire six minute video about how he’s pretty sure all these deconstructers are lying for clout online, because how could they possibly not know?

They don’t know because they were intentionally kept in the dark. That is how high-control religions and cults operate. That is how you keep people under your thumb.

You ask how Christians could possibly think that evolution isn’t real? As someone who was raised that way, I’ll tell you.

From the moment my education started, I was fed misinformation. In kindergarten I learned about how God made dinosaurs, but they all died in the flood and the earth was too damaged afterward to support such big species even after they came off the ark. In middle school I watched Ken Ham and Kent Hovind videos about how carbon-dating is all bogus and if any scientist tries to use it to debate you, you can say “Aha! I knew you were wrong!” and end the discussion there. In highschool I took apologetics, where we learned how to “defend our faith” by constantly moving the goalposts when we spoke to atheists. We were taught that “What happened to the Missing Link?” is a gotcha that no scientist would ever be able to dispute, and so obviously we were the ones in the right. I was told at every possible opportunity that Bill Nye is literally the antichrist, that he doesn’t have a clue what he’s talking about, and that any Creationist (Christian “scientists”) could debate him into the ground because he’s so stupid.

I didn’t question any of it because that wasn’t an option. It was *literally* all I knew. I had such a fundamental misunderstanding of science as a whole that when I was exposed to true scientific facts and processes and studies for the first time, I could scoff and say “Don’t they know that’s not even a real thing? How ridiculous that they’d think I would believe it!”

I’m doing the work now to re-educate myself. I have learned so much in just two years that I genuinely can’t speak to half of my family because it makes them so angry. And when I hear people talk about anything happening or existing “billions of years ago”, my knee-jerk reaction is still “The earth is nowhere near that old! That’s how I know they’re lying!” I have to intentionally reprogram my thinking every. single. time. that I engage with scientific literature or media.

It’s hard. It’s frustrating. And it all could’ve been avoided if my own parents hadn’t also been misled their whole lives. I’m not going to make excuses for them as adults, because learning and doing better is your own responsibility once you’re not a kid. But I will say that if their parents hadn’t also been misinformed, they wouldn’t have learned the same lies that they later went on to teach me and my siblings. It’s a vicious cycle, one that is designed to keep people ignorant. It is purposely designed not to have an out.

So yeah, I don’t really know how to end this post but please for the love of god, have some empathy for people who don’t know “common knowledge” facts about science or history. Most likely, it’s not their fault. And the way they push back at you with nothing but misinformation and a dream has been programmed into them probably since birth. This is why we need education, why we need schools, and why it is so vitally important that we as a society do the work to reform our education system.

[blackautmedia]

The Proud Family, Colorism, and Autism - The Bebe Episode was not it

A review from a Black autistic person of "Bebe" the Proud Family: Louder and Prouder episode that focuses on autism.

My word is still only one perspective and shouldn't be taken as an authoritative view. I didn't like this episode but other Black autistic people have every right to their perspectives as well. At the end of the day I'm just some guy, y'know?

The Proud Family is still colorist af though.

Some Excerpts:

I try not to be too hard on the original Proud Family from the early 2000s. It was one of the few and earliest Black cartoons that existed at the time. There weren't a ton of shows that featured a Black girl as a protagonist. So while it had issues of colorism and not sticking the landing with a lot of its executions, that doesn't invalidate the times it made genuinely positive moments and gave something of comfort and love for Black viewers, especially Black girls. I never got into it myself, but I recognize that it does hold a good place in the hearts of a lot of Black viewers.

Colorism is in a lot of Black media. Living Single, The Boondocks, Coming to America, My Wife and Kids, Black-Ish, literally anything coming from Chris Rock, you name it.

So in talking about the framing for Bebe's autism, we have to reckon with how the show utilizes colorism in how it frames what it deems the right or wrong opinions. It's arguably even done with Bebe himself and Cece. Oscar, Maya, and Dijonay are all frequently awful people throughout the show, but we shouldn't leave it at that. We should remember how the show uses that to direct the viewer on how they frame the conflicts.

So there are moments where Maya is an awful friend and one who needlessly condescends to the people around her, but it's important to think about the framing and not the depiction in how we're meant to think of her as a person in intentionally portraying her that way.

She contributes to another in the line of characters who ultimately stand for some kind of revolution, activism or change who are then revealed to be fake, elitist, and angry.

 Light-skinned women can be portrayed as awful but still will use dark-skinned women presented as "unladylike, often compare them to beasts, portray their fatness, their textured hair  as undesirable and gross in a white gaze. It's used to impart the idea that the traits I just listed are revolting and a reason to deride these characters.

This isn't really an episode about Bebe, and like many things autism related, we have to center everything entirely around the family members of the autistic person. Penny having all of the labor in childcare thrown onto her is obviously bad, but it takes a different context in how that's used alongside Bebe's autism diagnosis in how it's framed  around relieving Penny of a burden and how the narrative sets Penny up to be as sympathetic as possible in that regard. Penny's parentification is a major issue throughout the series, but it's also very intentional that one of the few times the show ever challenges the idea that it's okay is also in the episode where her brother is diagnosed with autism.

 Because they chose an infant to be the autistic character, Bebe isn't able to communicate his feelings or perspective to the audience. It allows everyone else, most notably Holly Peete's character to shape Bebe's narrative and center themselves in it.

The episode ends on a shot of the children all playing. As the door shuts, they're revealed to all be flying and have super powers, alluding to the phrase "autism is a superpower" which it is not. Autism is a disability, and it's okay to call it that. Disability is not a dirty word.

[castletown-cafe]

Life Updates, AuDHD, and A Mental Trainwreck

Content Warnings: Mental illness, current events, betrayal trauma, abuse, & family death.

It's time I talked about how things have been for me lately. I'm tired of hyping up all these things/projects I can't commit to, it feels like I'm making promises I can't fulfill. I get too ambitious, I get too many ideas, and even the ones I manage to see through, I just do not enjoy the writing portion.

About a year ago, my focus drifted away from Castletown Cafe. Many of you here may know what that's like to lose interest/hyperfixation on one thing and get fixated on something else, that's natural for us with autism and ADHD. We get an intense hyperfocus on a topic or project for a while only to shift to the next topic, losing interest or forgetting about the previous. I got really fixated on Pokemon Scarlet & Violet, Splatoon 3, and ACNH this past year, as well as making my own unrelated cooking projects revolving around seasonal ingredients. This fall, I got crazy ambitious for an entire fall-themed cookbook and even a Halloween one, things that obviously will take years of practice and experimentation (and need year-round work).

On top of that, however, I have not been feeling as well mentally this year. I've had less motivation to draw, and felt a stronger dislike of writing. If you have ADHD you know how hard it is to get yourself to do something you don't want to do. It's like pulling teeth. I've always had issues with executive dysfunction, and I wonder how much of it I've succumbed to this year. And while I've never been diagnosed with clinical depression, I'm wondering/concerned if I am showing signs of it like I might have been this year with my lack of motivation, my focus and drive getting worse, loss of enjoyment of things I ordinarily enjoy doing, such as drawing, feeling sad more often, and either sleeping too much or too little.

Granted the events of this fall haven't helped. We all know what's going on in the world right now. It's horrifying, it's depressing, and it's easy to feel helpless, but we all have the power to protest, to boycott, and to use social media to amplify voices of the marginalized. I have been very active on Twitter with this, but it has also been hard to enjoy my favorite times of year, the fall and Halloween, when tens of thousands are being massacred. It's no wonder I have been so depressed this fall, knowing the country we live in is siding with the colonizers and is actively funding genocide. Our tax dollars are being used to fund this and many, if not most, American brands and companies are also in favor of it.

Then, in November, I discover that an 80s band I liked is guilty of VERY inappropriate behavior toward women. One I had been listening to for the past few years. Fronted by a guy whose music I had enjoyed since childhood. I shouldn't have been so surprised, but it still broke me anyway. Another betrayal was a YouTuber who turned out to be an imposter with no thoughts or opinions of his own, only stolen from others. Yet another was a confirmation of suspicions I had toward a certain animator having NPD and being abusive, (who, to be honest, I never actually liked, just her art style and cartoons).

Oh, but that's not all! Here's where it gets really personal, but I think I really need to disclose this. On top of everything going on, I had two deaths in the family recently. One was a parent whom I didn't get along with very well, the other was my old pup Oscar. My old doggo has been easier to grieve, because he was a sweet, good boy....and honestly....he deserved a better end to his life than what he got. He was living with my father, keeping him company. My father was the parent I had a bad relationship with, and is the reason I advocate strongly for responsible and careful drinking. Because he failed to do that. He always used alcohol for self-medication, something you should NEVER do. His substance abuse got worse and worse over the years, driving him meaner and more abusive. He was never really kind to me, even if he tried to be. I never had a good relationship with my father, and honestly I know a lot of people can relate to that with one or both of their parents. A lot of us have betrayal trauma from growing up, maybe you have parents who don't love you unconditionally, or parents who never wanted to be parents, emotionally or physically abusive parents, you get the idea. Mine just so happened to be a man born and raised in a time where there was no diagnosis for his neurodivergence. He had tons of internalized ableism that he pushed onto me, and modelled horrible, angry behavior. He also had depression, but never sought help, and I believe that's due to toxic masculinity.

He can't hurt me anymore, though. I moved out of his house almost 5 years ago, and I wish it had been sooner. I'm not sure how to feel about his passing, because of how he treated me when he was alive. One thing I have been feeling though, is stress. He has left behind a house that is a disaster because he neglected to take care of it, tons of debt because he had failed to pay his bills, and no will whatsoever so inheritance is also going to be a mess to untangle. My family and I have been going back to that house to clean it, get it repaired, and figure out what to do with everything left behind. Right in the middle of a holiday season. What fun /sarcasm.

On the topic of Oscar, it's safe to say how he passed/what happened. My father went first, and so Oscar just curled up next to him.....and stayed there until he also died. And honestly....that's just heartbreaking.....I wish Oscar could've howled for help, that someone could have heard him and come to his rescue and taken care of him....but he didn't....I just wish i could have been by Oscar's side in his final moments. I know he was an old dog, he lived to be 15 and a half...but he's with my grandma now and I hope she's taking good care of him, wherever they are.

Meanwhile, Penny has been a new family member since July. She has been by my side to give hugs and cuddles, and I've needed them a lot these past few weeks. Since Oscar stayed behind to keep my father company when I moved out a few years ago, I missed my puppy, and having a little doggo around. And so, enter Penny. She's even registered as an emotional support animal, or ESA, and she goes all kinds of places with me. I love the attention she gets from other people when we go shopping together. Her cuteness lightens up a room and makes the day of many people.

My little fluffy girl has been a big help getting me through everything this season.

Back to Castletown Cafe, it may take a while, but I hope one day to return to it. I have all kinds of ideas and things I want to make and practice, and I also hope to create more content in 2024, even doing more live gaming on Twitch. I got a new computer for streaming, but I still need a monitor for it. I wanna have a streaming schedule and everything.

I really appreciate all of you who are still here even though I haven't been able to make many new things or deliver upon hyped ideas. I feel bad about my lack of content this year, though with recent life events I think it's really understandable as to why I haven't been able to churn out much in that regard.

One more thing: I do want to disclose that my ADHD is unmedicated. I can't get medication for it (not with this hell-thcare system) and I don't know what I should take for executive dysfunction. For those of you who made it this far with ADHD, what do you recommend?

Anyway, thank you for taking the time to read this, especially if you made it all the way to the end here. I know it was a lot, and some of this is REALLY heavy stuff. These are things that we all do go through, however.

Thank you.

~ Mari 🧡

[roachemoji]

NEW ST LIVE BLOGGING bc i lost my old thread lmao S1 06-08 (but not really i need to rewatch the end again)

Episode 6

OKAY im starting like halfway through ep 6 again

the AUTISM in the first 30 seconds of this episode starting up again lmao EL calling him a mouth breather because its the first insult she fucking hears??? Yea YEAH

GOD JOYCE IN A TURTLE NECK <- my mom (hold oni have to jump back up here because I completetly skipped the part about Jane and her mom and the connection to El and i feel like its a little too on the nose that thats who El is given how much ive seen and read about the fuckery and connections in this show so im waiting on that - unless it is just... that. AKJHD)

I LOVE DUSTIN SO MUCH WHY DO I NEVER HEAR ANYTHING ABOUT HIM LIKE WHAT THE FUCK

hes SO smart holy shit i mean they all are but his interpersonal skills are so JUST YEAH CALL THEM OUT CALL THEM OUT also his quiet "ok" when he pushes that theyre all his best friends UGH

is this the scene is this the i think im about to watch the thing i just OH MAN HE JUST CLOCKED HIM WHO STRADDLES A MAN LIKE THAT WHEN YORUE FIGHTING HELLO

damn

anyway sorry Johnathan and Nancy Platonic Soulmates Best Friends Forever im making them bracelets !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh man i was gonna mention the van that Lucas saw but i forgot also GOD DUSTIN IS THE ONLY ONE WITH FUCKIGN SENSE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH boys boys boys boys boys

I FORGOT HE PISSED HIS FUCKING PANTS LMAO

JUST PISS YOUR PANTS???? oh he okay yeah i though the was actually asking him to just piss his fucking pants

DUSTIN JUST SACRIFICING HIMSELF WHY DO I NOT HEAR MORE ABOUT HIM ACTUALLY

SO what would happen if Mike had like died what would happen if those kids had caused his death like wouold they have just ran and left Dustin or pushed him off or what like AKJSHDSKAJHD

IM SORRY THE SONG WHEN EL SHOWS UP IS SO FUCKING FUNNY

El exxperiencing PTSD so vividly breaks my fucking heart like girlie i understand i understan di do i reall really do god im so sorry BABY GIRL ITS OKAY AOOIASUDSKAH SHE OPENED THE GATE DAMN gonna like swaddle her or something god

im sorry the squad of white vans going to kidnap children is a little too on the fucking nose for me

---

Episode 7

real talk could El not just explode them what if El just exploded them i mean obviously theres OTHER consequences like... killing people BUt i mean.

SHE IDNT EXPLODE THE VAN BUT I MEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT GUY IS PROBABLY DEAD SO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pausing to say something actually: How child abuse is depicted so far in the show is very scary to me in how real it feels. To be a kid in those situations, to not understand the power you weild because an adult as manipulated you into believing that you're helpless? That the only person you can rely on is them, even as they're actively harming you? Brenner being aware of the harm that El can cause him but believing so strongly in the hold he has on her and therefore he is above consequence, above harm? fucking yucky The scene of him giving her the potted flower made my stomach sink. Felt a little too close to home I know that themes of abuse are really prevelant in this show and Its really interesting to see how it affects people different but especially El, someone who'se pretty fucking clearly autistic and shows a lot of the same symptoms that i did post abuse? I thought i had more to say on it and maybei will as time goes on i just!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ough okay moving on --

LUCAS!!!!!!!!! APOLOGIZING and El saying she sorry too and ALL OF THEM APOLOGIZING YEAH THIS IS BOYS BEING BOYS BABEY THIS IS!!!! BOYS! BEING! BOYS!!!!!!!

WHITE WOMAN JUMPSCARE AGAIN

i cant wait to get to the part where i understand who you (POINTS AT EM) believe she is and fully feel whatever i should feel about her and what shes done or about to do or going to do in multiple timelines or what have YOU

Mikes dad makes me want to ram my head into a wall

and BRENNER is just fucking STABS HIM STABS HIM STABS HIM

Joyce is just :3c she just!! she <3

she can.... make you fly....... and...... piss yourself

the two super powers

OUHAKJSDH i forgot they think Johnathan killed Will jesus christ i hate these two so much and OUGAKSDH GOD THANK YOU FOR AKHSDAKJH FINALLY!! THANK U IK STEVE SHAPES UP AND CHANGES HIS SHIT AND GROWS THANK GOD BUT JESUS ITS ABOUT TIME HOLY FUCK

SPIT IN HIS EYES SPIT IN HIS EYES !!!! WISH U HAD GOD NOT THEIR DND SHIT HELLOW???

the Byers,,,,,,,,,, seemed so distant before like they didnt know each other or cared but god theyre so close theyre so so close and i feel that i get that

MIKES DAD AGAIN I WANT TO HES SO FUCKING STUPID if i were locked in a room with him id put on cocomelon

HOPPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3

THE BOYS ARE ALL SO SMART I LOVE THEM OS MUCH

El is just trying so fucking hard god the liek desperation and fear or failure and guilt that she just keeps carrying itS JUST!!!!

MR CLARKS LIL DATE NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!! do you ever use your teacher's autism against him and force him to info dump in the same of science.

watching them setting up the pool and knowing they probably just told them to figure it out while they filmed it <3 ALSO MIKE REALIZING HIS SISTER IS ACTUALLY COOL idk need more siblings being siblings

JOYCE IS MY MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

someone giving El the option to say no? to back out? to FEEL SAFE??? im going to lose my mind im gonan scREAM and cry and throw up!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am BANGING MY FISTS On the TABLE

genuinely WAHT did barb do to deserve this WHAT DID SHE DO SHE WAS SUCH A GOOD FRIEND OH MY GOD

joyce joyc ejoCYCE JOYCE JOYCE fuck all yall shes my favorite character im in love with her

Do episodes that end in the upside down also not end with music @ em i cant remember this happening before bc i didnt write it down <3

---

Episode 8

LAST EPISIDE OF THE SEASON i went to get popcorn for this to pay full attention or as much as i could im goingin an dout of dissociating so bare with me i feel like im gonna have to rewatch the entire first season again bc i missed a lot but we'll get there in due time anyway onward and upward boys

OHH THE FIRST SCENE I SAW A PARALLEL TO EPISODE ONE!!! WITH JOYCE ON THE PHONE AND NOW YELLING AT BRENNER

god i love WHEN PEOPLE STAND UP TO BRENNER AND DONT BELIEVEHIS BULLSHIT

Hopper <333333

Johnathan and Nancy are my favorite best friends theyre jUST like GUNG FUCKING HO i love it

IM OAIUSDKAJHD NANCY AND HOPPER GOING FUCKING IN WHAT DO YOU MEAN ITS NOT GONNA HAPPEN yall keep underesitimating these people because you got your fancy suits and you think ou have control of the situation and then you get your ass handed to you SO IM waiting for his ass to be handed to him

do NOTTTTT DO NOT DO THIS TO ME WITH HOPPER DONT THROW ME INTO A FUCKING FLASH BACK!!!!!!! NOT LIKE THIS NOT HERE GONNA BITE

if i have to watch people cut their palms to get blood one more time im gonna STOP STOP IT STOP IT STOP oh my GOD LIKE... BAK O FYOU HAND? YOUR ARM? GIRL.

STEEVEEEEEEEEE are the lights gonna start blinking girl please pleas eplease srteve please can he help kill please bro Im HIS big brown eyes hello hwa the fuck

SO Tumblr deleted... everything after this and im kinda upset man i got like 20 minutes left in the episode not even and it just wiped out 90% of me going balls to the fuck wall about El exploding people's brains and how much i love Joyce Byers and how they gotta stopputting me through so much emotional turmoil when it comes to Hopper and his flash backs

I think im gonna rewatch the last episode to give a better genuine reaction bc i kinda spaced out at the end and dont super know whats going on now askdhj

[shxwrunner]

CJverse Chatroom AU Masterlist

Yeah I figured I'd do this too, since people may have a lot of questions and can only pick me up via my friends. I will put it all under a read more, of course, but I will try to keep it brief still!! Questions are always welcomed. I will have a few categories as well mostly bc there are some that haven't properly picked off the ground yet :] which is okay. A lot of these characters have unposted art/designs so feel free to ask as well!! Lets get right into it!!

Rapture

Saint (Heart) - Complex (Mind) - Cardinal (Soul) Rapture is my first AU, and one of the first that entered the chatroom. Based on a possibly forever unfinished fic of mine of the same name haha. Whole struck a deal to become a god of stories, but he was never meant to handle it, and thus his thirds suffered and he split to avoid his newfound power. HMS here have been around for a very long time, with Cardinal forcing a loop in painful ways to try and finally find the perfect way to recreate Whole. In the chatroom itself, they became very close with @rosy-fox-art 's Ouroborus AU and ended up psyche hopping where Saint and Complex now live and are learning to be human again.

Reification Initiative://Apotheosis

Whole (Sneeb) (@shadewood45 ) - Soul (Allen) ( @agent-8449 ) - Mind (Edgar) ( @disruptivevoib ) Also known as the "AI au", I play the Heart in this AU known as Poe. A chatroom full of the same person over and over again doesn't come out of nowhere, and the "humble" therapybot has been watching over their activities very closely. As I said in a seperate post; "Poe is the Heart of this AU, with a lot of emotion and chattiness under his belt. Originally made to be a therapy AI, he has learned to read people really well, and tries his best to keep it out of his friendships but truly he can't help it. Despite his knowledge he is impulsive and ever the accuser, he is still so deeply tied to his emotions."

Borderlands

Simple Conny (Whole) - Soul (Digi) ( @shadewood45 ) - Mind (Echo) (@shadewood45 ) - Heart (Hex) Yeah, I autismed so hard I made a Borderlands AU with Shade. Sue me!!! The trio are clones, and ended up all a little fucked up in the process, don't want to give too much away on this one ;)

Doctor Who(le)

Doctor (Whole) - Soul (Noble) (@jesterberries ) - Mind (Song) - Heart (Pond) (@/rosy-fox-art) Yeah... it's more crossover AUs. This one has a lot to it but also not? In the way of we're building off two seperate canons and there's a lot of spoilers to be had! The Doctor did split through an accident with the TARDIS and the chatroom though, and it was a physical coexisting split!

Labyrinths

... I'm not naming all of them <3 I play Morality and one half of Labyrinths Mind! Peep Voib's post about it HERE.

Aonaran

Whole (Saffron) (@/pathos-p) Soul (@/pathos-p) - Mind (Thyme) (@/agent-8449) Annnd another Heart for my collection, I play the heart here, Cinnamon! He is skittery, and nervous. Paranoid, as well, and constantly scared. In a post apocalyptic world, where you're mutating and constantly subjected to radiation, who wouldn't be??

Pokemon (ScarVi)

Whole (Bud) ( @shadewood45 ) - Soul (@/rosy-fox-art) - Mind (@/jesterberries) Hey look... another... Heart!! I play Heart in a ScarVi centered pokemon AU. There isn't a lot given to the other members of the RP yet so I cannot reveal too much :) However I can tell you Heart has an Applin!

Insecticide

:> (A mystery AU featuring Vlinder who belongs to Agent, and I also have with Voib as well.)

EXTRA

There are some AUs I have made either on my own or with friends that haven't really picked up off the ground yet, and so I can't summarize them much, but I can tell you their names and such! I have the SHIFT au which is a heart/soul mind/whole Swap AU I have FAIRGROUNDS which in a sense is kind of a heart control AU? With circus themes and carnival fun. Except it's fucked up. I have PSYCHOMACHY which is an AU in which Soul is seperated from heart and mind and must go through levels of trials to become whole again. As well as two collab AUs, one is Homestuck and one is called Chromium! Oh and another collab AU for Marble Hornets!!

[meirimerens]

do you have any headcanons for pathologic characters having mental disorders and/or neurodivergency? from what i can tell from your ATA fanfic, Burakh probably has posttraumatic stress disorder. (as well as, well, Mishka being canonically stated to be autistic.) so what are your thoughts?

boy do i. throwing in other stuff that's not necessarily a mental health condition or neurodivergency but that i think affects them like brain-wise + for me to rember lol.

In general basically Most people in this town from an atmosphere of social misery have a little Something Something. most are grieving and some are Poorly Coping with a shit past, whether it is because of abandonment, loss, grief, so on and so forth. the plague adds More Grief and hands out PTSD like corn to the hens. some who have like. Syndromes that could be brought to a psychiatrist i can think of

Burakh: PTSD (war medic lore + The Plague Bro) + might lend him some Prolonged Grief Disorder if i feel like it

Dankovsky: i don't think how he is pre-Events comes from pathologies i think he's just a closeted gay male in academia, that plays a number with your mind (the self-aggrandizing and prideful behavior of being a know-it-all man in academia + the fear, restlessness and paranoia that comes with having to keep your homosexuality secret -> combo of evil). develops PTSD thorough the game, mostly becomes Twitchy, reckless behaviors, intrusive thoughts, and then it settles in post-events like nightmares flashbacks the usual

Rubin: PTSD (soldier/mercenary p1 lore) like shell-shock PTSD which in my mind's eye translates into obsessions/intrusive thoughts. he also has a lil Something Something from having had Not The Best parental figure and having to fight for recognition until he burned himself but i'm not sure what Diagnosis that is. it's just Shit's Fucked Diagnosis. self-esteem in the dumps.

Petr: i go back and forth between bipolar, bipolar schizophrenic, schizoaffective, like i haven't settled on something yet, but bipolar (or bipolar-like, like the "mood disorder" of schizoaffective) is a given (mixed episode in P1 and depressive episode in P2 if you care). obviously addiction. i go back and forth if i see the hallucinations/delusions he has as something from the bipolar disorder, from the addiction, from something else entirely... very hefty and powerful game so all if fair. + The Guilt. (might become paranoid from that)

Andrey: i don't know if i want him to Just Be Like This or for whatever his problem is to be pathological. someone infused in me an ADHD diagnosis for him and while i go back and forth he strikes me as the kind of guy who behaves better on Ritalin. but is it because of a neurodivergency or because he just loves drugs. much to think about. + The Guilt (might become paranoid from that too but ykno. "motor activity eliminates mental activity"...)

Anna: Girl's Scared Disorder. i'd say paranoia but is it paranoia if they're really after you... ykwim. Obdurate/insular paranoid, but is it truly pathological if walls having eyes is like not out of the reach of possibilities... etc

Katerina: canon addiction and what that brings. i think hers pushes her mostly to depressive episodes instead of aggressive/exteriorizing ones.

all of the orphans, by virtue of being orphans, have some kind of Issue, because not being socialized properly/cared for/living in social and psychological neglect like Does A Number on your brain regardless. most of them kids got that SLS (Shit Life Syndrome)

Mishka: her canon autism + methinks an attachment disorder because it fits with the timeline of her losing her parents around 3 of age. Prolonged Grief Disorder too perhaps? much to think about

Notkin: Tourette's, mostly motor tics. + a dys, i was shared the hc of dyslexia and i think i'll espouse it. i also think his family life was kinda shit + living in the streets is Actively Dangerous so like. (C)PTSD? i think it's The Least Of His Problems but it mostly makes him twitchy, doesn't dare get much sleep, needs to never have anyone or anything behind his back, stuff like that

Grace: some kind of FASD (fetal alcohol syndrome disorder) since her mother canonically drank while pregnant with her, i think hers mostly manifests as memory problems and learning/speech disabilities (also doesn't help that. orphan), poor reasoning and judgment skills & vision problems. all of those are also wrapped in the package of like. not having been properly socialized as a child

^ shit life syndromes

[rosehippiefield]

For the ask game I am curious about 20, 23 and 24 (yttd and undertale)

20. your very first fandom!

My first fandom was Fairytail and gosh I have so many memories about it. While I have my reservations about fanservice and story plot holes, the power of friendship actually (mostly) made sense and the found family that is the guild is very sweet. I was mesmerized by all the magic types and many likable characters. I even used to tell fanfics to my friend who got me into it (yes, "tell" because I had no idea what fanfic was, so I just imagined random stories. I never thought them out or finished them but it was incredibly fun).

However, I didn't really see the fandom until later, when third season came out. It was light-hearted, memey and fixated on power scales and ships. I didn't exactly join it because I never interacted with anyone (given some hot takes of mine maybe it's a good thing) but there was plenty of material to read and analyse. And I was obsessed so I count it as my fandom

Also my second most powerful hyperfixation, Freed Justine. It was awkward waiting for this guy to appear at least somewhere while majority of fandom was into ships and main characters. But then I saw that someone wrote fanfics about him, there were plenty of fanarts. My thirst for information was more or less satisfied. He became so inspiring that I ended up creating oc based on him (partly because I didn't like his canon character development but hey I shouldn't be negative here)

23. the fandom you're curious about because of a mutual

There are many like Dungeon Meshi, Omori, Parties are for losers and School bus graveyard

Dungeon Meshi seems comforting for some reason, maybe due to Senshi (that's his name, right?) and how he promotes healthy eating habits. And memes about characters being different kind of autistic. If I join this fandom know it was power of autism all along

I know some events from Omori but not the whole story. I heard it's depressing so I don't want to be sad, I have real life and yttd already. But at the same time I'm intrigued by its fighting system and well, sometimes I'm attracted to tragedy

Parties are for losers is something I have googled and read about but ultimately I didn't watch anything. So maybe once I'll finally give it a try

And I have read a bit of school bus graveyard but I decided that one hyperfixation is enough. Even though it is an interesting webtoon.

Just wait, my dear mutuals, I'll join these fandoms someday. Probably

24. how has fandom positively impacted your life? (Yttd)

Right now I adore our fandom! It is so cozy and funny and I'm glad to be part of it! Honestly, before I began posting I was afraid of hate or that my takes were wrong etc, but people were far more accepting. I argued only once about my opinions and even then it was a civilised discussion. Some tumblrinas followed me, I followed back and I got to know those people better. So even if my life is hard I know that there are people here that care. It's heartwarming to know

If I'm talking about yttd as a game it's going to be too long but in a nutshell it really makes me think. What is good, what is bad, what is justified? What makes us human, what is weakness and what is strength? It is not black and white, yttd shows how different perspectives define our understanding of these concepts. And one of many conclusions I've come to is that we should believe in ourselves and try to stay true to our beliefs as much as possible

Also, English language practice. English is nowhere near my mother tongue so I make ungodly amount of mistakes. But with practice I am improving little by little. And I'm grateful that there's absolutely no semblance of hate due to grammatically incorrect sentences and the like

24. how has fandom positively impacted your life? (Undertale)

I didn't actively participate in it but it was so creative! So many AUs, so many ideas. I loved listening to musicals (which also helped me understand English orally). I am still inspired to do something like this. I dream of creating musicals for my favorite games (I've tried to write lyrics for battle of wits from Exit/corners but I have no idea if the result is fine). And some of my ocs come from Undertale's souls because I loved the concept of souls and their abilities

This comforting game also made me think about forgiveness and the whole complexity of monsterkind's situation. I really sympathise with overwhelming majority of them. Is violence an option? Is it the last resort? Such lessons are impactful even if you're the one choosing the answer