#deconstructing religion

[alienbycomics]

A comic about breakthroughs in dreams! 🏳️‍⚧️💪

(TW: Religious Trauma)

[hcneymooners]

hello, hello.

i've been debating making this post, but i’ve been thinking a lot about how my work often references God, religion, faith in general, and all the things in between. as someone raised in both the south and caribbean culture, i thought maybe this could be helpful for others trying to navigate queerness and religion—especially the mess and clarity that come with deconstruction.

note: this isn’t meant to tell anyone how to feel about faith or how to navigate their own path—this is just what’s been true for me. if it helps even one person feel a little less alone or a little more seen, then that’s enough. read with grace, take what you need, and leave the rest behind.

for a long time, i aimed to be good. good at school. good to people even when it meant letting them take advantage of me. i convinced myself that as long as i was pure, i would be okay. that it was that simple, and that somehow, i’d figured it out before anyone else. but i didn’t account for anger. or desire. or being a lesbian. what did lana say in that one song? “we had a deal and i fucked it up when / i made the decision to become someone.” so here's a little of my survival guide. for context, i was raised roman catholic.

first comes the work of reshaping the imagery. i released the God of my childhood and awakened the God of my womanhood. i began to replace “him” with “her,” then “Him” with “Her.” i already know some might see that as blasphemous, but it made praying easier which was something i wasn’t ready to lose. the universe is God to me. the universe is love, and so is God, and so i trust Her. She is Him, and He is Her. the universe, to me, can also be a woman who has big eyes and a dark face and makes me feel like i might be staring into myself. it’s easier to come back to God when i picture it differently. when i strip the man to the bone and rebuild into the woman i see, it’s so much easier to pray. she feels like my mother.

"offline or online, i am still connected." i think that’s how i feel about faith; i’m still connected to believing in something. it’s just that what i believe has changed and expanded. it doesn’t harm me. it helps me return to myself and shows me the way home. it’s easier to pray to Mary when i’m scared on a plane, to tell her that i know i’ll make it through because she wouldn’t place me in something i could not get through.

an altar can be anywhere. i used to feel guilty about not having a bible verse in my bio or the bible app on my phone. but i don’t need those things to make my prayer real. you don’t either. your love will pour out and stain the feet of the God before you, and They will wipe your mouth. They will understand that it’s prayer.

physicality. this was important to me when i was unpacking the feeling of being wrong or impure. if the universe condensed into one person, i’d ask her to lie down with me. we’d be pressed knee to knee and leg to leg. i’d think of her hips on top of mine, wide and inviting like the moon. i guess we are naked if i take a step back, but it’s not at all sexual. it’s just the understanding that she is holding me. babying me. and i’ve always wanted someone to. i will feel her touch me, and i’ll try to say thank you, because gratitude has been engraved in me. my mouth will move and nothing will come out, but she'll hear me.

the talking can be constant if you need it to be. i’m always speaking to God, about God, my understanding of it. it’s not organized. i haven’t constructed anything bigger than myself. restructuring kind of feels like waking up tangled in a spider’s web and standing carefully, your feet sticky as you navigate the threads. i took care not to break some of them but snapped others, creating space for new weaving. God becomes synonymous with the world, and you will find faith everywhere.

others may judge, but stick to what works for you.

another realization: it never really leaves you, and that’s fine. it’s also fine if you want to hold on.

sometimes faith blends. i work with water and have my crystals, listen to protection frequencies, and still buy my virgin Mary candle in all of its pink and radiant glory to light in the bathroom. i pray every time i board a plane, after a nightmare, or whenever a wave of unease hits. each time, it’s a Hail Mary.

also: resources. my God, find people who interpret with grace. below are some of my favorite blogs.

has content about faith: @ginwhitlock, @boykeats, @ohholydyke, ethel cain when she was active and i'm being so serious. has content that has made me see the world differently & renew faith in myself: @podencos @watermotif @cocainejuul @kristina100000 @eatpussypraylove @chloeinletters @anxeious

most importantly, i’m taking your hand until you can hold your own. i’m looking at you, because i really mean this: there is nothing wrong with you. you were nine. or thirteen. or fifteen. or twenty-one. or twenty-three. or. i’m saying it because i’d have given anything to hear that back then.

it would’ve been Heaven to me.

if you want to reach out, my inbox and messages are always open.

love you.

allyson. x

[hulahoopsoupgroup]

the seven deadly sins are such bullshit fear tactics. if youve left the church, embrace them.

be proud of who you are. be happy when you look in the mirror and see how hot you are. yeah i see you flexing in the mirror after a workout. nice progress btw honey you look nice today.

dont worry about getting seconds, or thirds even, at dinner. dont worry about eating what society says is "too much" or "too little". eat until youre full. set aside what you cant finish for later so you dont waste food.

its okay to be greedy. its okay to want things for yourself. sometimes we see things that people have and we're like "dude i wish i had that." thats just human. envy and greed on that level are normal.

take a rest day. dont bother going to church this sunday. take a shower, read a book, drink some tea, eat some good food, pet a cat or dog. take care of yourself; its not lazy.

be angry with those who wronged you. punch a punching bag, write about how much you hate them, go work out aggressively and take care of your emotions in a way that doesnt hurt yourself or others. its okay to not forgive the people who hurt you. you arent doing anything wrong, babe.

embrace your sexuality (or, if it applies, asexuality, cause yall need love too). stop feeling shame for wanting pleasure. go read or watch something that turns you on. explore your body. ask your partner to try something new. if youre asexual, then fucking step on the people who say you need to have sexual attraction to be human. you dont. you dont need to be allosexual (or alloromantic) to "qualify as a human." we all experience life in different ways. find your way to experience it.

thought crime isnt real

do no harm but take no shit

[fairiencarnate]

It took me a lot of unlearning to realize anger is an emotion I'm allowed to feel

[feralboo-the-weirdo]

I don’t feel like myself. I don't think there's much of myself I should feel like. I don't know if I'm a horrible person. I don't know if I'm the problem. I don't know if I'm over reacting. I just want to be seen. I want to be valued. I want someone to care about my thoughts regardless of if I'm part of their religion. I want to stop making my depression everyone's problem. But it feels serious. And I'm not making it everyone's problem. I've barely talked about it. No one has really noticed. I'm not doing well. I'm kinda the worst I've ever been. I wish someone would ask but I don't want to talk. Y'know?

[threeheadedhellbound]

every now and again, i try to put my grievances with christianity into a well-articulated speech but it ends up snowballing and becoming a beast of an argument. does anyone else feel this way?

[greengoblinswifey]

Free my family from religious psychosis because why was I just told if I sleep naked my guardian angel won’t protect me and I’ll get raped my demons in my sleep??😭And then a small part of me got scared due to years of religious trauma, free me. That doesn’t even make any sense??

[apostateoverrubies]

Even though science is not and should never be seen or treated as a religion, the thing that makes it better than religion is the ability to say "I don't know" or "I was wrong."

But with most religions being built on beliefs, they've backed themselves into a corner because admitting to not knowing or being wrong can cause a domino effect with you questioning more and more things.

In Christianity, for example, God is believed to be omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent. So it goes without saying that they'll claim that God can and will give you exactly what you want or need just as long as you believe in him.

And then that doesn't happen. You bring that up to a Christian and they will very likely start coming up with excuses like you not trying hard enough, the time not being right or whatever you asked for not being part of God's plan.

If they outright admit that God isn't always around and will give you what you prayed for, you'll start asking questions. Like, "Why are we praising Him for always being there when that isn't the case?" or "Why is He refusing to give me this thing when it's what aligns with what He wants for all or us?" And especially "What's the point of this?" Which can apply to many things but often pops up in relation to the senseless death of a loved one or an innocent person in general.

Of course, you are told to go to the Bible for answers, possibly on your own this time, and you start to notice a lot of problems.

Like how God seems to have a thing for killing children even when their sins can be easily forgiven or if he's using them as punishment (ie. The group of boys who got mauled by a bear for making fun of an old man or the death of David's newborn child because he killed a man just to steal his wife).

Or how He unfairly punishes innocent people (ie. The pharaoh, who was not told that Sarah was a married woman, got punished for trying to woo who he assumed was an unmarried woman or the families of the men who framed Daniel. They got fed to lions as well despite playing no part in it.)

Or just the amount of things that don't make any logical sense (ie. There is a point in the Bible where God freezes the sun in place so a guy can keep fighting a war. But we know now that the sun doesn't actually move from its spot. The other planets revolve around it. And wouldn't an all-knowing God give his followers that kind of wisdom so a person with even an inkling of knowledge about the solar system won't be able to disprove it?)

With the Bible being a common reason why a lot of people tend to leave Christianity, the building blocks for your deconstruction journey have probably been built.

[our-exmoose-experience]

Guys Islam is a feminist religion!!!! It definitely doesn't allow a foster parent to marry their adopted kid, a breastfed baby can be married and used for sex, children born from rape or incest are seen as "bastards", parents won't be punished for killing their children, women have half testimony, women are seen as deficient, women can't divorce freely, the right of Li’an and Khul is not given to women, women can loose custody of their children if they remarry, women are allowed to be raped and beaten up if they don't disobey, women are seen as misfortune, rape is justified, a man won't be punished for killing women and much more!!!!!!

/sarcastic

Sources:

Ayah An-Nisa 3

Sahih al-Bukhari 5064

Fatwas of the Islamic Network, Al-Maktabah Al-Shamila, vol. 3, p. 8445

Sahih al-Bukhari 6817

Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1401

Al-Baqara 282

Sahih al-Bukhari 304

Al-Baqara 226-228

Islamweb.net

Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1186

Sunan Abi Dawud 2276

An-Nisa 34

Sunan Abi Dawud 3922

Sahih al-Bukhari 3237

Al-Baqara 178

[liberaljane]

It was just a phase!

Graphic with the phases of the moon in a night sky. Text reads, 'being religious was a phase.'

[dosiadove]

the bible is CONFUSING!!!

it was not written in english!

there is cultural context we are missing and need to make an effort to understand/find

it is okay and I belive extremely beneficial to doubt

the bible was also not written with today's political or social climate in mind

meaning, if something is not in the bible we face today, that does not mean we revert to the way people did it back then!!! something being in the bible≠ God condoning said practice. it is okay to have your own moral beliefs that aren't mentioned in the bible... as long as they follow the 2 most important commands, love God, and love others (Mathew 22:37-39)

[just-queue]

Here’s to all my fellow aroaces with religious trauma (Christian flavor). If general society didn’t push it enough, we were raised with the belief that there is a perfect person for you. Initially the dating and sex restrictions were easy, we thought we were excelling and being godly humans.

Then we try and date/court someone and realize that it doesn’t feel the way we were promised. We push through, continuing to date, continuing to say yes to things we aren’t actually comfortable with because that’s what you’re suppose to do. And nothing. The feelings of romance and fulfillment don’t come. Along side this realization is the understanding that what you were raised with is a lie. It’s harmful. It’s false. So you start deconstructing.

Most of the time we are fine. We are proud of our identities and embrace it. We are happy we aren’t hardwired to deal with the complexities and bullshit romantic and sexual love carry.

But then there are those nights where we have a dream and FEEL what we were promised. We sleep and dream of someone and feel those feelings and realize what we are missing. Why people write poems and construct elaborate expressions of love. We felt it. And we fully feel the lose and grief that while we are awake, we don’t have that.

We rationalize with yourself that platonic love can be just as deep as romantic. We can and will have full and happy lives without it. Yet there is still that feeling in our minds from those dreams of what should have been ours and it causes us to doubt ourselves. Could those promises from our youth be true? We feel the lose of not having it. Maybe if we put ourselves out there, there is a match that can make us feel it.

But there’s not. It’s not in the cards. And it’s our job to live without it. And it fucking sucks cause those dreams…. Gods those dreams are so wonderful.

I’m not saying we are broken or defective. We are full humans without romance or sex. But damn we still can grieve when we get a taste of the impossible/improbable.

[superbiblecanon3000]

from the recently unearthed Notebooks of Isaac (Canonical)

[bookishblogging]

“But he died for our sins”

OKAY HE ALSO LITERALLY CREATED THE CONCEPT OF SINS AND THIS IS HIS PROBLEM TO DEAL WITH. WE DIDNT ASK TO BE BORN NOR DID WE ASK TO BE BORN INTO SIN. BUT HERE WE ARE AS A PERSONAL FUCKING SIMS GAME

All of that to say I can’t stand Christians constantly trying to convert me ❤️

[threeheadedhellbound]

it feels like christianity’s ruined me in some way. i feel like i’ve been gutted, and had all the things that make me human torn out.