#I saw this post at 4am and started sobbing

[joe9cool]

Collide-Justin Herbert- 36

A/N: This is fanfiction only, I am not affiliated with anyone who knows or associate with The Chargers. Also you do not have my permission to post my story anywhere else.

Sara was exhausted.

Something in her switched when Ryder brought up Taylor. After all of these years he still knew how to pick at her biggest insecurity.

After she showered and Justin had given up on trying to talk to her she laid in bed, but she didn't fall asleep. She was back in her overthrowing insomnia phase. For some reason she found herself on Taylor's twitter, where she was liking comments about her and Justin. They were discreet to anyone who wasn't in on the drama.

You're better

Don't let a man leave you for a 2(00) pound bitch.

Deciding to torture herself some more. She went on instagram and went to Taylor's profile and her tagged photos.

She was stunning, and fit the beauty standard. Tall, blonde, thin. Looked good in everything. Put a lot of effort into her appearance. Not that she didn't, but since the pandemic she lived in baggy clothes and little to no makeup.

Even up close she was stunning. Sara's photos posted by professionals were photoshopped. All of the lines and dents of fat and the hyperpigmentation were noticeable up close. Despite men lusting after her, like Taylor said, guys like Justin didn't go after women like Sara. Maybe there was a reason that he wanted to keep her private. How long would this facade last? When they break up would he go back to Taylor? She looked good on his arm, and knew her sports.

Sara ended up staying up the entire night falling down the rabbit hole of Taylor. She looked at her instagram messages.

Fat Bitch

Didn't know Herbert liked them fat

Taylor is better

I saw all of his exes. Blonde, skinny, and actually attractive. You are a secret side chick

There was one more message that stood out. It was a profile by the name of Rachel Hurst who apparently Justin followed.

Rachel Hurst: I didn't believe the rumors til I saw the pics. You're not his usual type. I fucked him in college. Guess he needed your stomach as a pillow you fat fuck.

Seriously though besides the fact he downgraded. What future do you have? You thrive off attention. He doesn't. Leave him alone and find someone who loves takeout and fame as much as you do. Justin likes girls who play sports

She clicked on the profile and saw it was open. She was an influencer that lived in Long Beach California but was from Oregon.

The whole Herbert family followed her. She went to Oregon with Justin and Patrick, she was athletic and was more his type.

She had a photo from December. It was a home game against the Rams.

So proud of you representing our home state well! 🥹😘 @JustinHerbert

And he liked it.

The comments where exactly what she was expecting

Girl you dating Justin Herbert? Liked by RachelHurst

Tell Justin we all love him! @RachelHurst Liked by RachelHurst

So why was he here? Just to get her to agree to sleep with him again? Make his meals and take care of him?

She was sobbing,  trying to control the sobs so Justin didn't hear. She looked and saw it was 4am. She didn't want to face Justin not yet, otherwise she would swing at him. Sara clicked on the messaging app and texted Brittney, hopefully she was getting pregnancy insomnia like she was with Liza.

She was in luck because Brittany was up, and hungry. She texted Sara that she would pick her up.

After brushing her teeth and washing her face, she put on her glasses and some leggings with a hoodie and grabbed her purse just as her sister pulled up. Sara was surprised to see her other sisters in the car. Getting in the backseat next to Alyssa she asked. "Not that I don't mind you and Katie being here, but I didn't think you'd be up this early.

"We all think we need a sister drive." Sister drives started when Katie got her license and a car for her 16th birthday. Whenever there was a personal crisis going on, mom and dad were arguing, or just needed to get out of the house. They kept a tradition even when Katie went to Michigan for college and Alyssa went to move to Chicago with Brent. It was their special time

"Where do you guys wanna go? I'm assuming we are heading straight to the hospital once the visiting hours start." Katie pulled out of her sister's driveway.

Brittney cut in. "Well we have to get food. These girls are hungry." All at once the group looked at Brittany, who was sheepish. "It's another girl?" Sara squealed excitedly, her troubles disappearing for a moment.  Brittney smiled. "Yes, but please don't say anything. Mom doesn't even know and we were going to wait til the baby was born." The girls had to calm her and assure that they wouldn't say anything. Over the years, the sisters knew each other's deepest secrets that they would take to the grave. So far no one has spilled anything, even being trashed.

Once the celebration was over they focused on the reason for the drive. Sara told her sisters the entire story, from their meeting to everything that led them up to where they were at now. They listened, only interrupting to clarify things. Once she was done they had just pulled up to McDonalds. "Wow. I mean he does love you, we all have seen how he looks at you." Brittany pulled into the drive through and they all ordered their breakfast items. Sara was glad she was in the back away from the window, the last thing she needed was to be recognized

They ate in the farthest end of the parking lot while they talked. "Sara, it's up to you, but I think Justin is a good guy. I mean he came all of the way here to beg for you back. Sure he didn't make an effort, but I think that once he realized what life was like without you, he is pulling all of the stops to make sure it doesn't happen again." Alyssa looked at Sara who sighed. Katie cut in. "Is there any other reason besides hesitancy that you won't take him back?" She paused. "Is Harry back in the picture?"

Sara shook her head. "No! We are just friends." She looked down at her coffee. Brittney sighed. "Sara I love you but you really think we don't know our baby sister. What happened that you're not telling us?"

She didn't plan on telling her sisters about what happened before she got the call about dad but she'd rather them hear it from her than someone  else. "Harry came over and we just had lunch and began talking."

Alyssa took a sharp breath. "You are thinking about getting together with him?"

She shook her head. "No, but he wanted to, not only that but he asked me to marry him. Had a ring and everything."

The car erupted in a gasp. Brittany nearly spilled her orange juice on herself. Katie spoke first. "What the fuck? When were you going to tell us this?"

Sara rolled her eyes. "Gee, probably when we visit dad and put mom in the room next to him."

"Don't be a smartass, this is serious." Katie chastised her younger sister. "What did you say?"

"Nothing! Erika came in with the cat and he left. But he told me to think about it."

"And?" The girls were on the edge of their seats. "No way! Are you serious? I'm not going to marry Harry. I can't believe you would think that?"

Alyssa giggled. "I mean you were so crazy about him."

She rolled her eyes again. "Yes, but a lot has happened."

Brittany cut in. "Yeah and we didn't know about it. I mean that article that came out, we were all shocked. All of this time, you said you weren't seeing someone. Hell Brent invited a couple of his teammates to our summer barbecue to set you up."

Sara looked down. "Yeah mom told me she was hurt."

"Well can you blame us? I mean I understand not telling mom and dad. But we're your sisters, we tell you everything. You met everyone in his family, he took you to Oregon and you met his family and girlfriends. Plus he told you he loved you at his college stadium-"

"Wait what? How did you guys know that?" Sara was confused. She had never read the article, so she didn't know what details were in it. She figured it was your typical details that basic sources know, but this was very specific. "I need to read that article." She muttered.

As her sisters chatted away, her brain was working overtime. Who in God's name would sell her out like that? This was a very specific and personal detail.

One that she only told a few people.

Hospital visiting hours officially started. The girls looked at each other. "Do you guys want to go shopping in the downtown district? I don't want to go to the hospital just yet." Katie laughed. "You don't want to hear mom fuss over every single thing?"

With the agreement that they would wait before going up, they started heading towards the shops downtown. They spent a few hours in and out of stores for some retail therapy. When they grabbed lunch at the bistro, Sara's phone buzzed with a message from Justin asking to pick her up from the hospital later. She agreed, knowing that she couldn't avoid the conversation about their pending reunion forever.

While heading back to the car Katie's phone rang and when she picked it up all they could hear was screaming. "We need to get to the hospital now."

The car ride there was quiet, the girls wondering what was causing so much emotion. Once parked, they ran as fast as possible into the hospital and up to the floor (since Mike was off the ventilator, they moved him out of the ICU onto a more private floor)

They found Willa and their mother yelling at each other, security threatening them to calm down or they would be kicked out. They ran up to both of them "What the hell is going on?" Mike's doctor approached the group. "Let's go to my office where we can all talk."

"They all followed into an office room. Once the door was closed Cathy unloaded. "That woman." She pointed at her sister in law. "Says there is no hope and we should consider taking him into hospice."

The girls gasped and Willa rolled her eyes. "Oh please, the man is as dead as a doorknob. You all are just too stupid to see it. Why prolong all this pain and suffering just because you have money to do it?"

Brittany cut in. "He is off the ventilator and making good progress, this isn't your call to make!"

Willa smiled. "Oh but you didn't know that your dad put me and your mom as power of attorney in his will, so I have just as much of a right." Brittany took a sharp breath, her being a lawyer she knew exactly what that meant.

They were trapped unless their dad woke up.

They all knew it too, that's what was so enraged that no matter how terrible she was to all of them she would always have an in.

The doctor cut in. "If I may, he has been here for three weeks. Maybe a rehab facility would work If he wakes up, but hospice would not be a viable option, since he doesn't fit the mold. He is breathing on his own, we are just waiting to see if he wakes up and what damage there is."

Willa threw her hands up. "But this is ridiculous! We have lives!"

Sara growled. "So fucking leave! If you are so concerned about your own life! Leave us be! Don't you have a daughter in prison?" Remembering when Kelsi was brought up at Thanksgiving. Her Aunt's eyes narrowed at her. "Your dad paid for her bail and lawyers, better than wasting it on your career. Which by the way, if I were you I'd get on that chin lipo."

Cathy stood up. "We are not putting Mike in any facility! He is to stay here until he wakes up! I trust the medical staff one hundred percent over the likes of you!" She jabbed her finger at Willa's chest.

"Get your fucking finger-"

"Ladies!" The doctor yelled. "I won't hesitate to kick all of you out and not allow you to come back!"

Everyone  became silent. "Look, I suggest you hire a mediator to deal with this. Mr. Wozniak's vitals look good and we won't know more until he looks good. His heart and brain I'm most concerned about. Until then, all we can do is wait." He got up. "Now excuse me, I have to run rounds."

The group got up and walked out, Sara being one of the last. Her mom and sisters were so engrossed in their conversation they didn't notice what happened next. Sara felt her arm being pulled in the opposite direction. She turned to see Willa pull her into a private corner. Her long, pointed nails were digging into her skin. "You're hurting me!" She tried to pull her arm away but for being in her 60s Willa was strong.

"Listen here, you got some nerve showing up after what you did to your father." Sara was confused. "This doesn't concern you."

"Yes it does, you know how upset he was when you went to visit that giant loser pauper family in bumblefuck Oregon?" Sara was red. "Don't you speak about him like that! You don't fucking know shit so fuck off to your house that your husband owns!"

Willa smiled menacingly and dug her nails deeper into her niece's arm, causing her to wince at the feeling of punctured skin. "Do you really think that he is the one for you? That Taylor that he cheated on you with, is gorgeous, the perfect package someone like him needs. She's blonde, thin, and could be the wife he needs. His agent isn't going to approve of some fat, Brunette who Is loud, obnoxious with a suicidal past."

Sara tried to not let the emotional hit hurt her, but it was pretty below the belt. "You know nothing about our relationship."

"Oh please, Kelsi told me everything. All of those girls who look like models he is following. They are in his inbox right now, and all it takes is for you to eat one cheeseburger before he goes looking, and who could blame him? There is a reason why family friends would call you the ugliest sibling. You contribute nothing to society, you can't even run a mile, do you think it's good for an athlete's image to have you on his arm?"

The tears were flowing now. "Stop it right now. Willa laughed. "Only reason anyone hangs out with you is because of status. Let's face it, all that money and fame goes away and you're nothing but that thirteen year old fat, loser who sits in her room to waste all day!"

"What the hell is going on!" They looked to see Brittney standing there, ready to kill Willa. With a newfound strength, Sara ripped her arm out of her Aunt's grip, resulting in a bad scratch. Not wanting any attention on her, she ran past her sister, past her other relatives and down the stairs so they couldn't catch up with her.

—--------------------------------------------------------

Justin was anxious.

This conversation they were going to be having was the make or break of their relationship. He was nervous, the ball was in her court. Justin wanted nothing more than to be back together. They had been making alot of progress up until last night. Something happened in the few minutes he went to pull the car up to the door. She did her usual shut down and then made sure to be out of bed and gone before he even woke up.

It was around 4 o'clock when he decided to call Sara

No one picked up. Furrowed his eyebrows, he shot her a text

Leaving in ten. Are you hungry? We can get dinner on the way back.

Sara usually responded quickly unless she was at work. This was weird. Justin waited a few minutes before looking at his phone again. Nothing from her at all. Instead of sending another text, he decided to go to the hospital.

He wasn't sure what he was expecting when he pulled up, but it wasn't Brent looking around frantically. Once he spotted Justin getting out of the car he ran towards him. "Is Sara with you?"

Justin was confused. "Um no, I told her I was going to pick her up here earlier why?"

He shook his head. She ran out about an hour ago. She and Willa got into a bad fight and she ran out. I don't know what was bad but according to Brittney she was hysterical. She's not answering her phone or anything."

Justin's face paled. "What?" Brent shook his head. "When Sara gets upset she likes to take walks, sometimes just wanders. It doesn't matter where or when."

"Where do you think she is?" Justin was ready to jump in his car. Brent shook his head. "I don't know, I don't know downtown Pittsburgh like she does. She used to hop buses and trains and take them all around the city, she did that when she would visit me and Lyss in Chicago.

He got back in her car. "I'll try to find her, just keep me updated." Brent shook his head.

Justin drove off, this was more difficult than he thought. This was his first time in the city, and he only had his GPS to guide him. He thought of the bridge that Sara had framed in her bedroom and he began to go that route. After a quick sweep he found nothing, he remembered a few places she said she loved and he went there, but found nothing. Even went inside a few establishments. It must have looked weird for someone his height to do a quick sweep and just walk out but he was desperate.

He had been out for a couple of hours before heading back to the house. Hoping she was there he walked in and called out her name. But unfortunately he was met with silence. Fuck.

He remembered Brent's words. She takes walks.

She probably walked home. He was going to kill her. Granted, being in April it was lighter later, but that was still dangerous, no security guard. Not answering her phone. No one knew where she was.

His phone buzzed and it was a message from Brent

She messaged all of us she was fine. Just needed to be alone. Didn't say where she was. Let us know when she comes home.

What the hell? Why didn't she message him? He wanted to throw his phone against the wall.

—------------------------------‐–‐—--------------------

Pittsburgh Botanical Gardens was always a beautiful place to reflect.

Sara never told anyone this was her hiding spot as a teen, because she just wanted to get away from it all. It was her place to just think and not have someone try to give you advice, or just brush off the action that hurt you.

She ran as fast as she could out of that hospital, all of the training for the fashion show paid off. Although if Brent was there, he could have easily caught up to her. Once she got to a certain point, she recognized the bus route that could take her to her personal safe haven.

So far no one approached her and she kept watching her back to see if anyone was taking photos. It was a Tuesday, so it was mostly older people, and the kids who were into the beauty.

She had been walking around disguised in sunglasses and a mask, hoping no one caught her tears. Her arm still stung underneath her hoodie, but she didn't bother to look.

Her family and Justin were blowing up her phone. Justin more so. He let her know that Brent messaged him. Sara sighed, she knew she was going to have to face him eventually but what could she say? She was never going to fit into his lifestyle, and vice versa.

It was five pm when she left, it would take about an hour to walk home, however there were sections where it wasn't the most safe and not every area had a sidewalk. Deciding to call a taxi, she routed it to the Starbucks near her house. It would only be a fifteen minute walk from there but she could easily do that.

Thankfully the taxi didn't care who was in his backseat. The entire time she kept checking her phone

Hello?

Sara please tell me where you are so I can get you.

At least let me know you're safe.

Sara

Let's talk please. Don't shut me out

She huffed at that one. Yeah so they could resolve nothing? He could get her to fall again just to tear her heart in two when something happens again? What about Taylor? And this Rachel who the family knows? She thought back to the beginning, Bellas words

You come from two different worlds.

Speaking of which, she should call her. She'd been shutting off all of the friends that reached out. They knew to give her some space, but they were worried.

At the Cafe, she found a private space in the corner and contacted her team. She had messaged Erika since their fight the other night. But from what Alex and Heidi said she was keeping down the house well.

All of her things were pushed back, and like Justin, she was feeling the pressure to get back to work. The Met Gala was in a few weeks and she had been invited this year, with Law Roach, Zendaya's stylist, reaching out to Sara's team to style her in Valentino. To be honest with everything up in the air she didnt even know if she wanted to go anymore.

She made her phone calls and caught up with all of her work. So by the time she was done with that it was nearly ten, and the cafeteria was about to close.She walked the rest of the way home, and after figuring out everything decided that she was going to end things with Justin. As Sara approached her home, she saw Justin's rental car in the driveway and all of the lights on. Standing in the driveway deciding how to sneak in without him noticing. She hoped he was at least asleep, considering he had therapy early. Luck wasn't on her side though

Going to the front door, she slowly put the key in the lock, turning in as softly as she could. She opened it and poked her head in looking around. She slowly stepped in the foyer. Sara heard Justin's voice, coming from the living room. She took off her slides and tiptoed to the area in which he was standing. Peeking again around the corner, she saw his back was turned towards her as he was talking to what seemed like someone on his management team.

She took a couple steps slowly and when he started to turn she ran for it, hoping to get to her room.

"SARA!" She made it halfway before she was lifted off the ground. His right side wrapped around her stomach as he was on the phone. "Yeah she's home. Tell everyone not to worry." He hung up and carried her to the coach where he dumped her. Making sure to put both arms on each side to create a cage.

She felt like a kid being busted breaking curfew. She didn't look him in the eyes, even though he kept trying to meet them. Finally she looked at him to see his green eyes full of anger and worry.

"What the hell is wrong with you!" He got up and began pacing. "Do you know you had me worried sick! This whole time I had no idea where you were! If you are okay!. Where were you?"

"I was around the city."

He stopped to look at her. "How did you get home?"

She shrugged. "I walked." His eyes widened and she realized what he thought. "Jus-"

"YOU walked! What the hell is wrong with you! Do you realize how stupid that was?"

Sara began to get angry as tears gathered at her eyes. "Why do you care?"

He looked at her stunned. "What?"

"I said why do you care? Matter of fact, why are you even here! Shouldn't you be in California or somewhere with Taylor or Rachel? Or someone who fits your needs? I don't understand why you are trying to fight for me when there's no point?"

Justin was lost. What was she trying to say? Was she telling him to take a hike? "Sara what are you saying?"

She shook her head. Tears rolling down her face. "I'm not what you want or need. I'm just someone to fuck and support your football needs. I won't look good on your arm at these events. I'm not athletic. I'm not blonde or skinny, so you're just wasting your time."

She turned her back. "Justin just go home."

He shook his head. "No."

"Just let me forget you." She sniffled. "Who are we fooling? We are two different people. I can't be what you need." She turned towards him to see that he was getting choked up. "Go back to your normal life."

He walked up to her, and before she knew it, he was on his knees in front of her, which was almost her full height. "I can't do that." He looked up at her, tears down his face.

"I belong to you! You're my everything. You don't understand. I love you, you're the love of my life. I can't fall asleep unless I'm next to you. All my life there was always a piece of me missing, I thought it was fulfilled by sports, going to Oregon, the NFL." He took a deep breath. "I finally realized these past few months it was you. Sara you're my lifeline, you're my heart and soul. The best part of the game is waiting for your call or knowing that I'm coming home to you."

Sara's heart was in pieces hearing this. No man had ever made her feel this, have ever spoken to her. "Tay-"

"I don't give a fuck about her. It is you, its always you."

Sara sobbed. "I'm not loveable-"

"I love everything about you. I love your smile, your laugh, how you incorporate movie quotes in conversations. Your passion for your career and your friends. How you add garlic powder on almost everything you cook." She had to laugh at that. "Your makeup all over the bathroom, your obsession with Doritos, and how you only eat lifesaver gummies; everything else candy has to involve chocolate." He rubbed her sides. "There are not enough words In the English languages to explain  how much I love you."

She sniffled. "If we get back together, we do it slowly." He nodded. "It's just me and you, no one else. We have to learn how to communicate."  

Justin nodded and pressed his face into her hair. "I'll claim you for everyone to see." He muttered. She ran her fingers through his hair and pressed a kiss to his head. "I hate how much I love you." She muttered. He looked up at her and pressed his lips to her, backing off he said. "I hate that I ever took you for granted."

She wiped his tears. "Let's just agree to look to the future. Just me and you?" She pushed him away and he got up to stand. "Gee it's warm in here." She pulled off her hoodie and set it down next to her. She smiled at him but saw his focus was on her arm. She noticed what his attention was on. It was bruised, with nail marks that drew blood. Sara hadn't looked at it, it was burning and tender but she had been distracted.

"Oh wow." She was rubbing at the dried blood. "I knew it was hard but not this hard." He grabbed her arm and examined it. "Did someone do this to you?" His voice was menacingly, you knew he was pissed.

"My aunt pulled me aside after the meeting with the doctor." She didn't want to tell him what was said. Of course it being Justin, he didn't let it go. "What the fuck did she say to you? She had no right to put her hands on you." He rubbed the spot, and she winced. "Come on, let's clean it up."

They went upstairs and into Sara's master bathroom. He grabbed a washcloth from the closet and put some warm water as she sat down on the toilet. He grabbed her arm and began cleaning. It was silent for a minute before she spoke. "Tell me everything about Taylor again." He looked at her. "I deserve to know the truth."

"She started off as a fling at the NFL awards in 2021. We just agreed it was a casual thing due to our careers. However we did go places and we were spotted and it was on social media everywhere. She was in Europe after last year's season ended. We just left things up in the air. I met you at the wedding and sort of forgot about her." He shrugged. Sara cut in.

"But you went by her house, and you slept with her that night I was in New York." He shook his head. "I did go over to her place and we had dinner. She tried to initiate sex but I told her no. She kissed me and then I ran out. Before you came back I ran into her at the grocery store, she got in my car to talk and I told her that I no longer wanted to see her. Taylor wanted to get into a relationship and when I said what I said she told me to quote 'fuck off' and that was it." He took a deep breath. "Those photos of me in the restaurant were with a girl I went to school with, Kristen and her boyfriend David.  She knows about us."

He grabbed a couple bandaids out of the cabinet and applied them to the scratches. "Whose Rachel?"

He looked at her confused. "A girl I went to school with. Why?"

"My aunt was telling me all these things about how fat I was and that you were nothing but I didn't even deserve that. It's funny how I believed that. I don't know how I even let her get through my head.

He grabbed her and kissed her passionately. She wrapped her arms around him and moaned, missing his kiss. Pulling away he spoke. "Stubborn woman, never believe a word she says. What does this have to do with Rachel though?"

Sara pulled her phone out of her pocket. Opening the social media app she gave it to him. He took one look at it, and grabbed his phone. She watched as he clicked a few buttons. "I blocked her, and I sent out a message to my family." He was still on his phone. "I also unfollowed Taylor."

"Won't people speculate something went down?" He shrugged. "Who cares?"

She smiled, and kissed him. While she knew all of their problems weren't fixed, it was a start. It was a promise of something new, a fresh start. She moaned and Justin's lip trailed to her neck. "Wait." She pulled away.

"I'm sorry, I know you said we need to go slow." He breathed and she laughed. "Well there's that too, but I also haven't been taking my birth control properly since we broke up and I hate condoms." He smiled. "Me too, but if you wanted to use them I wouldn't complain." She laughed. "I mean we should take things slow. Last time we went too quickly, and I think that was part of the reason for the breakup."

He didn't agree with that. Justin loved that their relationship went fast, but he had to respect Sara's wishes. "Yeah." They left the bathroom, Sara deciding to get ready for bed. Justin decided to go to his room, but she called him back. "Can you sleep with me?"

He didn't hesitate, he nodded and within minutes he was in and out of his room, his bedtime routine completed. She laughed as he got under her covers quickly and patted the spot next to him. "Hold on, I got to get ready for bed."

As she did her routine, Sara got lost in her thoughts. She always knew deep down she would probably take Justin back. He was the one she truly loved, despite his flaws. Her heart felt truly healed now they were back together. She told him they were going to take things slow, and she was going to try her hardest to stick to that plan.

But damn he was her Justin, and she was his. Those words he spoke to her, his actions.

Of course they had things to figure out. But for the first time since they met, she felt peace.

She felt sure.

A/N: I dont know how I feel about this one, I couldn’t keep them apart any longer though! However, they are taking things slow! Thank you for all of the love!

[vousty]

HEY CHERRY BABYYY!! any plans for today? it’s almost 1am here and i’m wide awakeeeee.

today (or yesterday ig?) i literally did nothing but go to the gym + scroll on my socials 😔 i woke up so late because i went to bed at 4am

almost blocked like 5 people today because i saw their posts about them having tickets to see enha, can’t handle the jealousy

ANYWAYS HERES MY FAV SUNGHOON PIC RN

he looked too cute in that video, it feels very home-y?? like yes that’s my bf 🤭

HELLO RES MY LOVE!! I have done nothing today as well, just scrolling thru my phone and sometimes talking about next month’s big events plan with some irl friends! I’m assuming ur asleep by the time I reply *kisses ur forhead mwa*

and oh my god.. fate+ is starting this week I’m gonna jump off— *SOBS* I cannOt. I don’t think I can handle seeing the soundchecks & sendoffs video 💔💔💔💔

THE RICE BALL IS RICE BALLING- sunghoon is so??? cutieful that day??? 🥹🫶🏻

these two are making me feral at the moment (every single time tbh)

LIKE WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR SIM JAEYUN?!,?$!,&&;! im gonna cry

[stray-cattt]

The Rooftops That Cry at Night

A Boku no Hero Academia/My Hero Academia angst fanfic, hurt/comfort, lowkey vent fanfic, if you’d rather read it on A03, here’s the link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/45798712

Summary: Just because Dabi is a villian doesn't mean he's going to leave the #2 hero alone breaking down on the verge of a panic attack. He may be an ass but he's not a complete asshole. Might be a bit out of character but I don't really care, I started this fic at 3 AM because someone was playing the flute outside of my dorm and I couldn't sleep. I originally posted this on March 16th, I just forgot to put it here.

Content warnings: panic attack, break downs, and age regression a bit (as a coping mechanism)

 Hawks glanced at his alarm clock that read 3:21AM; letting a sigh leave his mouth he turned off his 4AM alarm for patrol before turning to his balcony. Dressed in his hero attire that he hadn’t taken off in the past two days he took a deep breath before jumping off the balcony and letting his wings spread. Hawks shivered as the brisk night air hit his face. It was nights like these where he flew aimlessly with no destination in mind, just flying to fly. Well not entirely, flying to stop the pounding in his head from his thoughts. The thoughts that were never ending swirling around in his mind. Hawks mindlessly scanned the terrain he passed, even though he didn’t have patrol for another hour he couldn’t find it in himself to stand still for a minute more. His body ached to move, to do anything, to be useful. If he wasn’t working, did he really hold any value?

 Tonight was quieter than normal, not much seemed to be going on, and it seemed that even the villains had laid down to rest tonight. Something that Hawks craved but remained out of reach. It’s not as though he hadn’t tried sleeping, but every time he felt too restless to stay still and allow himself to relax. Over the past week, he maybe got a collective 21 hours of sleep if he was being generous, lately, the commission had been on his ass with more missions and patrols barely leaving enough time for him to take care of himself. Not that he had the energy to in the first place.

 Hawks sighed, boredom seeping into his bones accompanied by a familiar sense of loneliness. The usual mind-numbing feeling that tended to follow him with these flights seemed to be absent as his thoughts continued to berate him. He felt his insides shake and decided he needed to find a spot to land before he lost control of himself. He landed on the rooftop of a building, unaware of a familiar figure sitting on the opposite side of the roof as his mind seemed to blur out the rest of the world around him. Hawks’ breathing started to rapidly increase as his emotions overwhelmed and enveloped him.

 His knees buckled and he ungracefully knelt down on his knees before hunching over and wrapping his arms around his torso. His body shook as his wings wrapped around himself, Hawks could feel the tears pricking at his eyes. As much as he tried to keep them within the confines of his eyes they fell and continued falling like rain onto the concrete roof. Shallow sobs left his mouth as his mind went into hyperdrive.

     Imagine if your handler saw you like this.  

     What would the commission say about this behavior?  

     Pathetic really how little it takes to break down like this,  

     I thought you were supposed to be a hero.  

 Thoughts continued to swarm him and rally up against him, but before falling into even more of a hyperventilating panic the sound of footsteps approaching him caused him to halt his sobs. Hawks tried to hold himself as still as he could while quieting his shallow breaths to the best of his ability. How long had they been there? How had he not noticed? Hawks cursed his lack of sleep slowly catching up to him, this wouldn’t have been a problem for any other hero, why is he faulty?

 “Hawks?” A familiar voice asked quietly, he would’ve described it as gentle had he not recognized who the voice belonged to. Hawks felt physically unable to give a verbal response back, and when he tried all that left his mouth was a pitiful whine.

 Hawks flinched as a hand lightly touched his wings, but slightly relaxed at the warmth it was emitting before quickly tensing again as he remembered who he was dealing with. Although Dabi had not given off any hostility so far, Hawks still felt on edge. He briefly forgot about the hand on his wings until it moved away, he held back a whimper as the hand was retracted and his breathing began to pick up once again, not realizing how the hand had been grounding him.

 Noticing this Dabi put his hand back on Hawks’ wing and began to pet it trying to comfort the other. Hawks’ feelings were conflicting with one another as he couldn’t tell if it was safe to relax. Safe. When was the last time he felt that, infancy? More treats began to pour from his eyes as tremors ran through his body.

 “Shhh, breathe birdy,” Dabi whispered, trying to get the other to calm down. Hawks’ hands moved from around his waist to clenching his pants as he tried his hardest to stifle the never-ending cries leaving his mouth. Slowly he got his breathing back to normal and all that remained of his tears were hiccups.

 After some time he managed to pull his wings away from his body, no longer shielding himself from Dabi’s gaze. Dabi repositioned himself in front of Hawks carefully noting the noticeable eye bags that weren’t as prevalent the week prior when they met for information exchange, well more Hawks giving information and Dabi giving nothing in return. He carefully swept Hawks’ hair out of his eyes and wiped a stray tear from his face before bringing his hand back. Dabi didn’t miss as Hawks slightly leaned into the light touches. After observing the other Dabi opened his arms for Hawks inviting him into his arms but not moving forward leaving the choice entirely up to the other.

 With slight hesitation Hawks crawled into Dabi’s arms, tears immediately brimming in his eyes as he now realized in full force just how touch-starved he was. Feeling the tremors emitting from Hawks, Dabi wrapped his arms around the other and began to comb his hands through the blond's hair.

 “It’s okay baby bird,” Dabi whispered to the other, Hawks whined in response and grabbed at Dabi’s shirt holding onto him as though he was a lifeline. The two sat there together in silence that was broken apart by sniffles every so often. Dabi hummed a song his mother once sang to him when he was young, a song he had almost forgotten but remembered in the moment.

 “Don’t wanna be a hero, just wanna be a kid again.” Hawks meekly spoke, his voice cracking slightly as he hadn’t used it in hours.

 “You don’t have to be a hero right now birdy,” Dabi replied, his humming coming to a stop. “I’ll take care of you, you need rest more than you need to be a hero right now.”

 Had it been colder that night Dabi might’ve been a bit worried about the other falling asleep on him, but the cold night air was gone now, replaced with air that felt like a light blanket surrounding the two. Not soon after Hawks’ cries died down, soft snores followed, his hands no longer clutching at the others' shirts. Dabi let a genuine smile adorn his face as he held the other now propped up against the wall of the ledge.

 “Sometimes all you need is to be held.” Dabi smiled once more before letting himself fall asleep with the other.

[skinni-girls-eat-books]

Tuesday, April 9th, 2024!

12:45am: Studied, now taking a nap till 4am lol wish me luck!! Had delicious meatballs for dinner, had a great day, saw the solar eclipse (!) and didn't hear from old guy which was nice for once!! Tired of him calling and ruining my Mondays with his sob stories :) I'm just saying I actually had a hella productive day because I wasn't triggered before noon! Hallelujah ❤️ good night everyone I love you all :) ❤️

12:26pm: I'm so burnt out and doneeee. Also just ewwwww ick what a fucked up guy fr I had to put him in his place in order for him to treat his gf right 🤢 fucking hell I'd be so embarrassed if he posted me ever again like I think I would fr cry out of embarrassment. I want to tell her so badly but(!) that would only put bad karma on me I really don't want that, just let her find out eventually ❤️ yuck

4:41pm: I think he blocked me from messaging him, but didn't actually block me? Why are there so many different ways to ignore someone lmao I didn't even know you could do that. Sucks for him. I'm done with my pediatric kidney transplant research, 🥳 and he's not around. Kinda like he died or something. He really went with me through all the bullshit but didn't want to stick around for the end result is kinda fucking crazy and stupid tbh. Really really really crazy to think another guy is gonna get the big baller Dr. version of me, and he only got the stressed out poor broke ass weight gaining student version but whatever. It's not like I wasn't going to make it at some point. Anyway, his loss and someone else's gain 😎❤️ You would think he'd appreciate it the most, but he was too pussy to have a bad ass Dr. as a wife and just REALLY wanted to be the aLpHa MaLe and needed a lower level bitch 😬😂 The definition of self sabotage and toxic masculinity/ red pill bs. I need a confident man to match my energy and that's really some shit he was never able to do. It doesn't matter what you do for a living either I just need you to own your shit. He always wanted me to be quieter or more chill because he just wasn't shit. Every time I shined he looked like a rusty piece of junk instead of just shining with me. It's not like I wanted him to be beneath me, but he really wasn't helping himself either. Whatever. His loss is someone else's gain 🥰 Can't wait to find my partner ❤️

10:09pm: I really want to take my birth control out but I'm just gonna wait until I can call the pharmacy tomorrow because I don't know how early I can pick it up! This is killing me. I have deduced from planned parenthood (thanks!) that because I've had it in for infinity number of weeks (lol) I'm good to take it out as long as the new one goes in at 7 days or earlier if I want to try to change my start date?. The out time just cannot exceed 7 days. I want to have it out the whole 7 days this time and maybe I'll duck around with it next time trying to move it to Mondays again instead of Friday?? Idk I just need this shit to enD I remember why I skipped my period for six months straight now. I think that might be a record I haven't seen much longer than 2-3 months.

Goals: Start my period asap (safely) and get as much out as possible* I stg I'm gonna be chugging cayenne juice n vitamin C and tea and water y'all don't knoW. I want the spotting to STOP. Side note I also put bandaids on my boob acne maybe this will get under control :')

Get through this week's work and become the CritCare expert and try not to fail the last OSCE omg :') last verbal defense :')) it's all coming to an end literally.

Seriously though staying hydrated and *stress relieving* are the main goals until next weekend.

By the time the 19th rolls around (!!!) y'all aren't ready for that HYPE ASS weekend free dinner and Jesse McCartney and then the last week will be a BLUR 🤠

It's so funny because when I'm lit I know I'm not going to be thinking about him. It's not even that bad anymore. I can't imagine when the stress is 0%. I'd say I'm more fatigued than stressed atp too, like stress is about 20% and it's all to do with my period tbh, not even school. A little anxiety about APPE so maybe 25% but I'm not even really thinking about that yet either.

[jjuzoir]

Dating Suna Rintarou HCS

Word Count: 1388

A/N: i’m sick of the suna slander 😔 i wanted some soft sunrin hc’s because it’s always drug lord rin this or toxic suna that :’) i’m too soft for that i need me some 17 y/o meme nerd who’s socially awkward and still asks himself how he got a s/o. if no one else will i will 👺

- He may be good at reading volleyball moves but he’s definitely a little dense when it comes to emotions.

- He doesn’t really talk much about them with you, it’s not that he doesn’t feel anything - he just struggles expressing himself properly with words, so in turn he tends to express himself with actions.

- He’ll struggle a lot at the beginning, afraid to upset you or overstep some boundaries that haven’t been explained, but with time he’ll grow comfortable telling you things as they are.

- The type to walk over to you when he sees you’re not feeling too good and wrap his arms around you, he doesn’t say much as you slowly return the hug and sob. He won’t say anything, he’d let you pour it out now and later have a talk with you.

- He’d have a few snacks you like on his bag too just in case you get hungry or whatever, he says they’re for him but you know he doesn’t like that brand of chips but you do.

- Once you’re done, he takes your hand and leads you to a more private area and encourages you to talk. He may not be able to solve the issue but sometimes talking about how you feel… makes things better, even if it’s just slightly.

- He’s the type to remember anything you tell him even in passing, mention something like your parent’s birthday or an appointment and he’ll just store the information in his brain and spit it out at random times.

- That includes things such as food orders and allergies, what you like and don’t, the things that make you uncomfortable or that make you feel icky; he could write a book on you. Just text him over for some food and he’ll know what to order you even if it’s a place you’ve never been to together.

- He really likes having pictures and videos of you on his camera roll, he'll have super cute pictures of you on a date one moment and then a video of you falling on your ass after you went to pick up a pencil.

- Once you start being more serious about your relationship, he’ll dedicate every game and point he scores to you. If you’re there he’ll look over to your seat and nod, his eyes naturally gravitate towards yours, he’ll always smile at you whenever he scores a point.

- Won’t say it at first but he loves it when you wear his jacket, seeing you in the stands cheering for him with the rest of his classmates pumps him up. After he notices he does better when you do, he’d probably get an extra one for you with his number on it (when Atsumu heard him asking Kita for it he broke lung laughing).

- He hesitated a lot before asking you out, he’s the type of guy to watch over his crush for a while. Not in the creepy way more in the “wow this person is so cool I want to approach them but I’m too embarrassed”-way.

- He loves it when you wear his clothes, especially his hoodies. He isn’t subtle about it at all either, Suna will straight up throw you the hoodie and be like “wow it’s so cute you’re so cute too imagine you wearing that how cute that’d be lmao” while his ears are blushing red.

- Finds everything you do cute, you could be walking towards him in the corridor and he’d be blushing and smiling to himself. Atsumu and Osamu tease the fuck out of him once you’re gone.

- Will send you random posts that remind him of you, they can go from cute pictures of cats snuggling to a deep fried image of a chicken nugget.

- “Heh, look… it’s you.” He showed you a picture, he was lying down on your lap - his hair messy from deep sleep - with his cheeks squished in your thighs.

- “Babe that’s Patrick star.” You look at the screen in confusion and continue playing with your boyfriend’s hair, slightly concerned for his well being.

- “Same energy though.” He mumbles after saving the post, he’d make it your contact picture later.

- He loves falling asleep on your lap, it’s annoying. You know once he lays his head on your thighs he’s not moving until the next hour or so. Kind of like a cat in that regard because Suna will find the worst time to cuddle you like that and he’d refuse to leave unless you move, which you normally don’t because when you do he looks extremely betrayed much to your dismay.

- He’s so soft for you, you wouldn’t realize it unless you heard him ramble about how cute you are in the dressing room but oh my god is he ready to move the world around for you.

- When he messes around during practice, Aran will threaten to call you and it’s so embarrassing. Rintarou was so sure he wouldn’t, like that’s so petty you’re actually going to call my S/O? And then Aran did it and he had not only Aran and Kita scolding him (and the Miya twins) but you were there too looking so disappointed in him. He rarely gets out of line afterwards, the face you gave him haunts him in his dreams sometimes.

- You’re his home screen! It’s not even a cute picture of you, it’s probably one he took of you while you slept in class - you’re drooling and your uniform is all messed up - and he’s just standing there holding a peace sign up and white-boy-smiling.

- He has you saved under “Suna [Name]” and he got made fun of, he swears it was a joke but when he goes to call you his cheeks get all pretty and pink.

- He doesn’t say much, his love language is more of a “whenever you need me I’ll be there”. If there’s someone who you can count on to listen to your problems and help you it’s probably Rin. He jokes around and all but when it comes to you he’s surprisingly serious.

- He’ll also let you play with his hair. His favorite is when you put butterfly clips on them and make two uneven ponytails on the side of his head, he said he was Shrek and you were his Lord Farquaad (you asked him if you saw the same movie afterwards).

- When he’s really bored, he’ll edit pictures of you into memes and send them to you at 4AM.

- Sometimes when you cuddle, you can hear him mumble about how much he loves you and whenever you bring it up he gets so mad and shy and says he was probably thinking about chicken wings or Dolly Parton.

- He sees you as his best friend and s/o, he really values the input you have but that doesn’t mean he won’t tease the fuck out of you. He’s soft but he will absolutely obliterate you, he loves joking around with you and saying the dumbest shit for fun and seeing you go blank as you hear him talk about fucking Mort from Madagascar being a evil universe colonizer.

- His favorite dates with you would be the ones where you go somewhere very pretty and try taking the ugliest pictures of each other, it always ends up with you two laughing loudly as you show each other what you took.

- Rin can play the piano and he sometimes will serenade you, it can either be a very emotional song or Megalovania.

- Sometimes, Atsumu and Osamu will ruin your dates by bumping into you guys and not leaving either of you alone. It’s embarrassing because they will not stop teasing the two of you for being in love and shit, you always end up blushing when they start talking about how much Rin loves you and how he talks about you during practice.

- Overall, Sunrin is surprisingly a soft, caring boyfriend who’s way too whipped for his well-being and is absolutely getting bullied by the team because of it.

[holidaywishes]

and now we’re here

  Requested: 👍

  Summary/Request: This one is a collab with @kayleafs221​! We flash back with (Y/N) after Freddie left her and to her finding out she was pregnant

  Author’s Note: We have a part three! I wasn’t going to do more than two but @kayleafs221 wants ✨drama✨ so we’re gonna see what we can conjure up together. We teamed up to see how much drama we could fit in so hopefully it fits the bill. @kayleafs221 also mentioned that she wanted to structure this sort of how New Moon was written so we went with it! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter and I’ve got one last chapter in me to make it all fluffy and bring these two back together! Stay Golden, loves! <3

  masterlist

  the other masterlist

xx

  It had already been a month. You kept telling yourself you shouldn’t be so devastated but he hadn’t called or even texted. You were alone. He had left you completely alone and he wasn’t coming back. You found yourself curled up in his large hoodie on the bathroom floor for the umpteenth time while your chest tightened with every sob and gasp you took as if he took your lungs with him; falling asleep clinging to the last piece you had of him.

Month 2

  You had no choice. You had to throw yourself into work, it was all you could do. Even when you were home, your laptop was out. You let yourself be distracted in any way you could but even that was no use. You had been sick all week and your boss had made you stay home. You didn’t know what to do as you sat on your couch refusing to watch movies because they were all the same. Always a happy ending and the thought of love and sex made you sick, sick to your stomach. You were determined to do something productive, maybe going for a walk would make you feel better. A walk by the beach. It was just as you remembered it. Beautiful. Peaceful. Suddenly your mind was flooded.

  “I’ve been traded to Toronto. I leave at 4am.” What bullshit was that? How could he leave so suddenly and not even be phased? Not have any remorse for any of it?

  “Stay in touch Freddie.” You were so stupid to think that he would care enough to keep whatever this was going long distance. You had to face reality, that you didn’t mean anything to him. It came again, the dizziness, the shortness of breath. It couldn’t be stopped this time. There was only black. You woke up to the incessant sound of beeping, beeping, what was all that beeping? Your eyes were met with an uncomfortable brightness. This isn’t the beach, you thought to yourself, before rubbing your head, “What?” you started to say, confused as to how you ended up in a hospital bed

  “Ah, Miss (Y/L/N) I see you are awake,” the nurse checking your vitals said, “I’ll get the doctor for you, I’m sure you have many questions.” Sitting yourself up, you watched her leave the room before finding the clock and realizing that it had been two hours since you went to the beach. You couldn’t believe you were unconscious for that long, this was crazy, “she’s still groggy” the nurse said, directing the doctor to your bedside

  “That’s normal,” the doctor explained with a smile, “well, we’ve run some tests and you’re severely dehydrated”

  “Dehydrated?” you asked, “I don’t un– I mean I haven’t been out of bed for a couple weeks but I’ve just been dealing with some things”

  “Seven” he smiled, checking the paperwork in front of him casually

  “Excuse me?” you replied, furrowing your brow

  “Seven weeks,” he added, “my guess is that you haven’t been drinking a lot of water”

  “I haven’t really been up for it” you cowered

  “Well, please do,” the doctor said, “for your baby’s sake”

  “I’m sorry what?” you exclaimed, “Baby?” you said, shaking your head

  “Yes,” the doctor repeated, “you’re about seven weeks along. Give or take a couple days. All women handle their pregnancies differently, which might account for your drowsiness and any mood swings you may have been experiencing”

  “I’m not pregnant” you scoffed, readjusting yourself in your bed

  “You are” the doctor returned your scoff, seemingly annoyed at your behaviour

  “I can’t be…”

  “The results say otherwise”

  “But I haven’t had sex, I haven’t left my bed in.. like two months”

  “Which is about seven weeks”

  “But I… I can’t be pregnant”

  “Is there anyone we can call for you?”

  “No… there’s no one” you lowered your eyes as the realization came over you.

Month 3

  After you were released from the hospital, you tried to make the pregnancy easier on yourself by reading a million books and telling your parents what you needed or letting your mom tell you what she thought you needed

  “You know what I think will really help?” she said, “telling the father…”

  “Mom…” you whined

  “He deserves to know, too.” She was right, of course, as all mom’s usually are so you agreed to reach out but you deleted his number when you convinced yourself it was better to forget about him, forcing you to search him out online; a huge mistake really. There were stories about girls who he’d slept with and left ‘in his wake,’ none of which you could be sure of their validity, but then you’d find pictures of him hanging out with Auston Matthews or William Nylander or any of the younger teammates in clubs and bars and you could only imagine that their behaviours spilled into his, so you let it go.

Month 9

  “But what happens when that kid is born with red hair and freckles? Or when he’s a natural athlete?” your sister asked

  “What do you mean?” you scoffed

  “You can’t hide that,” she tried, tilting her head as she continued, hoping you’d get her point. “He’s gonna know. If there’s a picture, he’s gonna know. He’s not dense…”

  “The kid probably won’t be a red head. So he’d never know..” you said knowing very well it could be a possibility. She huffed when she realized she wouldn’t get through your stubbornness. As time went on, you realized that there was no use denying it, Jackson was already excelling at every sport he tried. Knowing this, you kept him as far away from ice as possible. You knew it was wrong but you just couldn’t risk it, especially after so many of the Ducks already knew you. Whenever you thought about reaching out and telling him the truth, something was being said about him. He seemed to be a magnet for negativity.

  “Possible Frederik Andersen injury a very troubling turn for Maple Leafs”

  “Maple Leafs placing all their faith in Frederik Andersen”

  “Andersen Said What Every Maple Leaf Fan Is Thinking”

  “Maple Leafs goalie Frederik Andersen fined $2K for embellishment”

  “Toronto Maple Leafs: Andersen has been a Disaster”

  Every headline seemed to be worse than the last and you knew that if you were feeling stressed just reading them, then he was probably shutting himself away to hide from everyone after living with them. This was a normal thing for goalies to go through in the NHL but there was something about the way Toronto was treating Freddie that made you want to be there for him. But you couldn’t make a decision like that so easily anymore. It wasn’t just about you and your feelings anymore, you had your baby boy to think about and the older he got, the more you could see his personality grow and the more his personality grew, the happier he was; you couldn’t imagine taking that away from him. You couldn’t take that life away from him. But watching Freddie’s career hit highs and lows, noticing he was alone through most of it, your heart broke for him. You hoped that, somehow, your love would reach him. You hoped for his happiness even before your own. Even so, you would protect your son through everything, knowing that meant it might cost you the truest of love.

Toronto 2021

  “Why did you lie to me?” Freddie said under his breath. You could tell he was angry and there was no getting away from this.

  “What are you talking about? I didn’t lie. I told you I had a one night stand with some guy– why are we even talking about this again?” You tried your best to keep the story straight, hoping to appease him

  “You lied about Jackson not being mine!” he started to shout

  “I didn’t…” you stammered. There’s no way. He couldn’t know. You had made sure of it

  “I did the math… I saw your post and I went back because something didn’t… add up…” he admitted, “and the math didn’t fit with some one night stand. That kid in there, who looked an awful lot like me as a kid, he’s mine. And you lied about it. You kept it from me, kept HIM from me!”

  “HE’S MY SON!” you cried. Everything was falling apart and you weren’t sure what to do anymore. There was no getting around this, you had to let out what you’d been holding in from that night, “and you left me! YOU LEFT US!”

  “BUT HE’S MY SON TOO!” he countered and you furrowed your brow, shaking your head as you tried to think of what to say next.

  “I made a choice, Freddie. I looked at how quickly our life together changed and I… made a choice. I couldn’t put a child through all of that. Moving at the drop of a hat, having to say goodbye to friends and homes and cities whenever your job called for it… You never looked back, you never reached out. After two months of waiting, I woke up alone in a hospital and you didn’t even care to call. So I did this. I HAD TO” you confessed, sorrow filling your eyes as you watched his face soften. “So yeah, I lied. But I didn’t lie to hurt you. I lied to protect him. No matter what. I make no apologies for that.”

  “How was I supposed to know that you were in the hospital?”

  “It doesn’t matter, Freddie,” you sighed, “the point is, you left and I was alone and I couldn’t wait for you.”

  “So what now?”

  “I don’t know,” you started. “If this had happened before you got traded, our life would’ve been so different. I pictured it, you know,” you smiled, “our life. With Jackson. We looked so happy in my daydreams”

  “We could be happy like that,” he whispered, moving close to you, “in real life”

  “I can’t change his life for you”

  “I don’t want you to change his life,” he smiled, closing the gap between the two of you and you felt your heartbeat in your head, making it hard to think straight, “I just want to be part of it...”

  “He doesn’t know who you are” you said through bated breath

  “Let’s tell him then” he exclaimed

  “No,” you insisted, putting your hands on his forearms, “if we’re going to do this, we have to take it slow”

  “Slow?” he asked, leaning down to your ear, “how slow?”

  “I just don’t want him to feel overwhelmed,” you replied, your hands drifting up his arms, “just... start by introducing yourself to him... We’ll have lunch”

  “I can do that” he smirked, pushing your hair back before laying a kiss to the exposed skin of your collarbone

  “You have to be patient”

  “I can do that” he repeated as a moan left your mouth

  “I don’t know if you can” you chuckled, finally pushing him away from you

  “I can”

  “I’m serious”

  “So am I!” he laughed, placing his hands on your hips to stop you from turning around, “he’s my son and I will do anything to get to know him”

  “He can’t know you’re his dad yet,” you said again, “I know it seems weird but, please, just don’t fight me on this”

  “Oh, I wouldn’t dream of it”

  “Good” you joked, cocking your eyebrow before he smiled at you. That smile always broke you, always made your heart louder than your head, and, right now, you were more than happy to listen to it. He met you in the middle, pressing a kiss to your lips before his hands pushed your body into his and suddenly, it all felt so perfect. Like no time had passed. He was yours again and you were determined to keep it that way.

[dralf0yy]

Wedding Bells || F.W x Reader

A/N: Sup y’all it’s like 4am rn and I have schoOl in 4 hours,,,, it’s been a PHAT minute since I posted a fic and i deeply apologise. This was only supposed to be a really short drabble but I kind of rambled so sorryyy

- E

Word Count: 1069

The Golden Trio Era Masterlist

Part 2

Hermione pinned the last bobby pin into your hair, finishing up the flower-like bun on the back of your head and softly tugged out two strands of hair at the front to frame your face

You stared in the mirror in awe, “Wow.. Hermione this is absolutely beautiful. Thank you” You turned to meet her cheerful and slightly tearful gaze

“I can’t believe you’re getting married! It feels like only yesterday that we met each other on the Hogwarts express— Oh god don’t cry, don’t cry..” She mumbled and paced in attempt to contain her emotions.

You chuckled at your best friend and shifted your gaze towards your soon-to-be sisters-in-law who, had very discreetly, entered her bedroom

“Hey Y/n,” She grinned, “You almost ready? All the guests have arrived and dad’s down in the lounge room waiting”

You took a deep breath and nodded, “Let’s go kick this wedding’s ass”

Ginny and Hermione both snickered and walked out and down the creaky stairs of the Burrow with you in between them, complimenting each other’s attire and makeup

***********************************

“They’re on their way down, Fred. We should’ve been out there ages ago,” George sighed, walking towards his twin from the door of their childhood bedroom

“You okay, Freddie? I haven’t seen you this anxious since the war.” He placed a hand on Fred’s shoulder

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just- How do I know if I really want this? Getting married is just a big milestone and I don’t know if I want it to happen yet, George” Fred sharply exhaled.

“What’re you on about? Don’t tell me you’re having second thoughts now? Fred, you were so sure that you wanted this with Y/n when you first started dating, and you were absolutely ecstatic about this not even a week ago”

Fred huffed and brushed straight past George and beelined towards the back door, soon having his younger twin trail behind him.

***********************************

All the guests in the tent stood and turned their attention to you as you walked down the flower covered aisle with Arthur by your side.

Your gaze met with Fred’s and you tried your hardest not to cry so as to not ruin your wonderfully done makeup.

A few sniffles and expressions of awe were heard throughout the tent when you made it to the front. Arthur gave you a quick kiss on the cheek and a pat on the arm as he gave you away to Fred and walked to the front row of seats, sitting next to an emotional Molly

“Dearly beloved, We gather here today to join Fred and Y/n in matrimony.” The wedding officiant spoke, commencing the ceremony.

****time skip bc I don’t wanna put a whole ceremony in this****

“Will you, Y/n Y/l/n, take Fred to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do.”

“And will you, Fred Weasley, take Y/n to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

“I-uh..” Fred anxiously looked around the crowd, trying not to look at your face that contorted into a slightly hurt expression at his hesitation. “Fred?” Your voice was small, barely a whisper, and was threatening to break if you spoke any louder.

Fred made eye contact with Ginny who seemed to be getting more furious each second that he remained silent. She mouthed ‘Answer her already’ as subtle as she could and he turned his gaze back to you and immediately regretted it. Guilt flooded through his veins at the sight of your unshed tears just waiting to escape and cascade down your rosy cheeks and your chest rising and falling to an uneven cadence.

“I-I’m sorry Y/n-- I really am. I just don’t completely know if I want this yet-”

“-And you waited to tell me this now, in front of everyone? We spent a whole year planning this wedding and you waited to tell me after we made the effort to make this day perfect?” You sobbed, completely letting go of anything that was holding you back. Molly had gotten up and left to go outside to stop herself from yelling at Fred for hurting you on such a special day.

“Y/n I truly am sorry. I love you and I do want this with you but I’m not ready.. We’ve got plenty of time—”

“—Tomorrow isn’t promised Fred! You of all people should know that,” Your voice shrank, “We’ve been together since our 5th year at Hogwarts, Fred. How much more time do you need? If you don’t want this, then just say it. Don’t lie to my face and tell me some stupid excuse” You felt a wet sensation trailing down your cheeks as you finally let your tears fall.

Fred gazed at your tear stained face once more with a guilty look before running out of the tent, not looking back once, and apparating away. Hermione, Ron and Harry all gave you a look and set out to try and find him.

“He’ll come to his senses Y/n, and he’ll realise what he’s done. Fred’s just really daft and hasn’t even thought of the fact that he might lose such an amazing girl” George whispered to you, wrapping his arms protectively around your shaking frame and kissing the top of your head.

The rest of the Weasley family, including Molly who had rushed back inside as soon as she saw Fred leave, gathered around to hold you in their embrace muttering soft apologies on behalf of Fred

“Why don’t you come back inside, dear? I’ll make you a cup of tea,” Molly said quietly, opening up her arms already starting to lead you out. “Arthur, Bill, Charlie and Percy, can you all handle the guests please?”

They nodded and separated from the small huddle. George and Ginny came along beside you, sweeping you away from Molly and wrapping their own arms around you. George wiped your tears away softly with his thumb and gave you a soft kiss on the temple.

“Thank you, both of you, for being such good friends. I love yous” You cracked a small solemn smile at the two as you made it inside the door of the Burrow

“We love you too Y/n/n. And we’ll always be here for you—” Ginny started

“—Even if Fred isn’t.” George cut off

The three of you shared one last embrace, hoping that things would be better by tomorrow.

Taglist: @paigeyisme @slytherinlovesgryffindor @cleopatera @accio-rogers

[holy-stevie]

The Winters Flame

Pairing: Johnny Storm x Fem!Reader

Summary: A winter morning with Johnny quickly turns into a disaster. 

Warnings: Mentions of smut, nudity, fluff, angst, character death.

a/n: i know i need to post my next part of TLATL but i just couldn’t get this out of my head. I haven’t proof read this yet so i apologize in advance. 

Masterlist

Please do not repost my works on any other sites. 

The snow fell peacefully in the early grey of the morning, its small white flakes frosting the window a mere two feet away from your warm, cozy bed. The cold winter morning not affecting your warm body as the body wrapped around you radiates heat to keep you nice and toasty. You blink a few times to rid the sleep from your eyes as you watch the snowfall, your body turning to the side ready to get up and start the day.

“No, don’t you dare.” His sleepy voice halts you, his warm arms wrapping around your torso and with a sharp tug you’re falling back into his chest with a huff.

“Johnny.” You giggle, rolling over to meet his sleepy blue eyes and dopey smile. He groans and pulls you closer to him as he dramatically buries his face into your soft neck, humming softly against your skin as he takes a deep breath.

“Nope, you’re staying right here.” He mumbles, his naked left thigh sliding in between yours as he shifts himself to get more comfortable. You both stay there, cuddled into each other until the sun is cutting through the dark clouds making the white ground shine.

“We should get up baby.” You mumble, your fingers running up and down his bare back in soothing patterns, running gentler over the raised scars on his body from years of being a hero for the world.

“Hgnn.” He complains against you, his voice deep and raspy as he runs his nose along the side of your jaw, enjoying being this close to you after weeks of being gone.

“I’m surprised you can even move baby girl, thought I gave it to you pretty good last night and this morning.” He wiggles his eyebrows and grins when you groan and bury your face into the soft pillow, the ache between your legs reminding you of the homecoming the two of you shared the night before.

“You’re mean.” You say into the pillow, lifting your head to look at him as he laughs. Your eyes following him as he throws his head back and laughs, the sound deep and rich making a smile of your own appear.

“Aw baby.” He chuckles, gathering you in his arms to bring you closer to his warm chest as he continues laughing to himself. You sigh against his skin and lay your head over the faint heartbeat, a beat that belongs to you as he always says.

“Fine we’ll stay here and watch movies, but you have to supply the snacks.” You mumble, leaning over the side of the bed to grab your laptop that was shoved to the side last night when he made his grand entrance.

“I think you take advantage of my flying abilities more than my teammates do.” He teases as he gets up, stretching in his glorious naked state. You pout and open your laptop, not letting him know that you were ogling him once again.

Just as your mouth opens to retort a small beep fills the room followed by the sound of his phone vibrating on the bedside table, the mood in the room dropping as Johnny picks up the phone and answers it with tensed shoulders.

“Reed we just got back I can’t just, I know it’s important but I have-” Johnny argues over the small device while you quietly shut the laptop once again, the smile and joy draining from your expression as you watch Johnny race around the room gathering his things.

“Yeah yeah okay twenty minutes.” He says as he hangs up the phone, his uniform already fitted over his fit body. He smiles at you painfully as he gently approaches your quiet form on the bed, your fingers playing with a small thread on the sheets as tears gather in your eyes.

“Baby..” He says as he sits on the bed, his warm hand grabbing your hands and pulling them into his lap as he gently winds your fingers together. You press your lips together to hold the sob in, your shoulders lifting as you curl in on yourself.

“You just came back to me.” You whisper, the pain in your voice making him quickly snap his body around to face you, his hands lifting to cup your cheeks. The tears escape from the corners of your eyes as you see the famous symbol on the side of his chest, the symbol that takes him away from you to save the world.

“I know baby, but I’ll be right back okay? Don’t cry baby please.” He begs as he wipes the stray tears from your soft cheeks, his own eyes showing regret and guilt at leaving just after he had gotten back.

“Please don’t leave.” You beg staring into the blue orbs that you saw even when you closed your eyes every night, the eyes that you wanted to see on your own children one day.

“I have to.” He mumbles, his forehead dropping to rest against yours, his eyes squeezing shut when more tears escape your beautiful eyes. He presses a soft kiss to your lips, a goodbye kiss, before he’s leaving you once again, halting in the doorway to mumble the worlds he says every time he leaves.

“I love you y/n, no matter what.” And then he’s gone in a burst of flames cutting through the snowfall of the winter morning, leaving you behind to cry into his cold pillow as the news flickers from your phone as you follow along with the active threat he is fighting for the world.

The snow blankets the dark streets of your hometown, the soft brown wood of your front door sounding the three knocks waking you from your slumber. Confused and slightly afraid you sliding your warm slippers over your feet and shuffle to the front door, wrapping your arms around yourself when the open door lets the chill into your home.

Standing on the other side of the door is Susan Storm, her face red and streaked with tear tracks, Reed Richards and Ben, the three of them all looking as heartbroken as the other. Maybe if you weren’t still shaking off sleep you would have put the dots together right then and there, but you didn’t.

“Sue? What’s going on.” She just shakes her head and turns to hide her now wet with tears face in Reed’s chest, his own eyes red rimmed as Ben takes the lead and takes a step closer to you.

“Y/n I’m so sorry, Johnny he..we tried to save him.” Ben mumbles, his words shocking you for minute as you finally understand why they’re at your front door at 4am. You shake your head as you feel the breath kicked out of your lungs, your vision blurry as tears erupt in your eyes.

“N-No he said he’d be right back.” You stumble out as you take several steps back, not hearing Ben’s words as he tries to guide you to a seat. The first sob that releases itself from your throat hurts the worst, the pure agony that follows is nothing short of heartbreak as the remain superheros watch you fall to the ground in pieces as you finally understand that the love of your life was never coming back.

“No. He can’t be gone.” You sob while staring helplessly at Ben, his chin lowered as his bottom lip quivers.

“We tried y/n, he wouldn’t let any of us take his place.” Reed says as he takes a step forward, kneeling next to you in an attempt to comfort you.

“You should have stopped him!” You scream, your arms wrapping around your stomach protectively as the tears flow steadily, not even paying attention to the others as they try to comfort you. Your hands rest protectively on the slight bump, the small life already growing in your stomach that now only depends on you as its sole protector. The only living part of Johnny Storm that remains.

His child.  

Taglist : @scarletsoldierrr​ @chrisevans-imagines​ @patzammit​ @onetwo3000​ @yoncevans​ @sleepycevans​ @harrysthiccthighss​ @adriannajackson​ @donutloverxo​ @cloudninevans​ @smyfmj​

[lavendersage]

i saw that post from the girl who's girlfriend isn't quite ready to be out. if ur blog didnt seem to celebrate love of all kinds (and i'm not talking straight vs gay, i'm talking happy vs sad) i would have kept this to myself, but between ur response and the op's story itself, i think im going to take this chance of sharing a burden on my heart, maybe to help someone else, or just for the shot at becoming at peace with it. a couple weeks ago, when u asked for everyone to send u stories of their lovers, i wrote most of this out but didnt send it.

i (21F) am a college student (god, is this reddit?). my entire life, i have cultivated the cleanest good girl image that i could. my parents sacrificed so much for my sister and i to grow up far more comfortable then they did, so i have tried to honor them with a little golden child they could brag about. straight As, never missed school, did community service, perfect SATs. i worked tirelessly to be on-paper perfect.

one of the reasons i've worked so hard to earn Good Noodle Stars is to make up for the fact that i am terminally homosexual. i realized real early that i could literally cure cancer and the first comment on the news video will be, "okay, she cured cancer, but at least I'm not gay like she is." i could raise thousands for charity, and my aunts would still say, "our kids may not get off the couch but at least they have sex correctly." so they dont know. few people do, none outside my closest circle.

in walks Mars(21NB). Mars is an anachronism. they are both a romantic with and without a capital R. be still my Dark Academia heart.

we got very close before school broke for Covid. Mars wrote me a letter every other week, encrypted and folded so that the only way to open them was to rip a paper seam that would show if someone had tampered with it. it was intoxicating. it was the first time i felt able to communicate freely about anything. i dont know - i didnt hold back my emotions, emboldened by writing in cipher. i spent all summer waiting for those red sealed envelopes, filled with stories and poetry and honeyed nonsense, and i refused to not respond with mirrored passion.

it was all great until it set in that I was going to have to face Mars again, in person. i prayed our school would decide all students had to stay remote. of course I wanted to see Mars, i want to do much more than just see them, but i knew it would only be a matter of time between us being reunited and them asking me out.

this was a person who crafted a puzzle where the answers were flowers that were a declaration of fidelity in Victorian Flower Language. of course i ate that up with a spoon. u would have too. listen, i know all aesthetics are fads and all fads age badly, but if the cottagecore girls get to learn to sew and bake and grow, i owe dark academia for teaching me the vocabulary and actions of my most treasured relationship yet, and giving me permission to be earnest and vulnerable in this life for 10 goddamn minutes. Mars is handsome and a genius and i was not used to feeling connected to anyone. but for all that joy, i was also drowning with the thought of having to break their heart by explaining i cant date anyone AFAB.

so the semester starts. Mars asks me over for a homecooked meal since restaurants don't exist here at the end of the world. they made me a beautiful dinner with all my dietary needs in mind. just like everything else i ate it up. and i made no effort to stop them from inviting me over for food and conversation again and again and a fourth time just to make sure it really hurt.

they kissed me after the last dinner. and I kissed them back, before stopping. they apologized for moving too quickly, but i explained that they had moved at the perfect pace, just with the wrong person.

there is no nice ending to this. it's real life. Mars took it as a breakup and didnt reach out to me again. i sobbed from halloween to christmas, i swear. i'm the villain in this story.

i started this post off as a sign of solidarity to the other young lady, but now im realizing that this letter would be better read by her fearful beloved, not her. it is 4am where i live, so i apologize if this has all gotten away from me.

love is a garden u have to water yourself. ngl, my favorite part about this blog is all the posts about learning to love yourself, learning to see ur intrinsic value dispite the core facets of u that have been deemed flaws, and trust the relationship between me, myself, and i.

i started out telling myself i was writing this to help the high school kid, but i havent shared this with anyone. writing this out has helped me process a thing or two, or at least start to. i like this idea of lavendersage being a kindly cryptid who will alchemise ur heartache into calm.

i hope you dont mind if i try to make this a thing.

my story is in the shape of a love letter. its tearstained before it even hits the water. i drop it in your river and watch it float away.

y’all are breaking my heart with these stories this week 🤧i feel so sad to read them and so helpless to respond, because i know how deep that pain must run and i don’t know if there’s truly anything i could say or do to take it away. but if i can lessen it from 100 to 99, well, then i’ll have fulfilled my goal of existing on this website. at the very least, i’m glad that writing this message helped you process some things on your own, but i’m happy to share my thoughts anyway.

your mars sounds like a top tier human being. victorian flower language? i’m swooning. it’s no surprise to me that you fell for them, and they were clearly head over heels for you. folks don’t make grand gestures like that for just anyone, that’s for sure 🥺

and i’m very sad to hear about the way things ended. but, anon, i can’t help but wonder if it is indeed over, or if hope exists on the precipice of a great act of bravery performed by you--something i know from experience is much easier said than done, and something i’ve failed to do in the past, so i’m not trying to be a hypocrite here. the ball is definitely in your court, though.

also...it doesn’t sit well with me to hear you call yourself a villain. i understand why you see it that way, as it’s clear that you deeply care for this person. but for many folks...the fear of what our family will say or think or do weighs so heavily on us that it robs us of any possibility of happiness with someone who isn’t the kind of person our family wants us to end up with. i’m sure plenty of folks, myself included, can empathize with this. and i’m sure on some level, mars does too.

my love, as with all things, i hope whatever happens next works out for the best, and that you don’t let this experience darken your heart. if things change between you and mars, please feel free to drop me a note. i’ll always be here to listen 💚💚💚`

[ashes-0f-phoenix]

Vent post

// general tw

Shit hasn't been this bad since a looong while. I saw the episode coming for weeks but couldn't do much about it as irl crap started to pile up.

Lady L and Paul slept here on Sunday and I had a crying breakdown. I went into the pantry but we didn't have booze. I went completely mute and catatonic for a while & they started to look for me in the street because I couldn't alert them that I was on the floor in there. When I got out of that, I just sobbed and screamed unconsciously for about two hours till I was coughing up blood, tired myself out and fell asleep at 4am. They stood by all along worried that I was gonna off myself and almost called an ambulance on me.

I'm told I'm actively delusional - I don't think so but I see why they'd think that, which is a bad sign, I was still able to keep track of psychosis symptoms last week - and I'm back to routinely sleeping 3 hours because I'm manic at night. Low low low point. I'm completely normal during the day as usual, only internal emotion symptoms, plus the drugs keep me functioning in control but this got very ugly very fast and doesn't seem to be getting better soon. Idk what to do. I should check into the ward but I have exams for the next 3 weeks...

[c-c-cherry]

Any family headcanons for the gang members who's families we weren't told about??

Guess who was doing headcanons again at 4am??? ME!!! I’m sorry also with the much wanted help of @jjadegreen because she’s officially my headcanon pal and she always helps me a lot with this shit :)

I’m literally posting these at 5:45 am but they sounded good in my sleep-deprived head and they looked good on paper from my sleep-deprived vision so I’m just gonna post this now and worry about it tomorrow!

I use these headcanons regardless of whether its an Everyone Live’s situation or not so there are clashes between fics like the Storm and The Unknown (I usually just use most of these headcanons regardless of what I’m writing and what universe and whatever)

I know I say this whenever I post ANY fucking headcanons, but I’m sorry.

◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇

Abbacchio

-There’s not much to say about his parents. They were pretty average. All they wanted was for him to be successful; get a nice job, find someone to love. They weren’t too close with him, but they were there.

-He did, however, have an older sister by the name of Pantera Abbacchio

-And she was even more goth than he was.

-When lil Leone was just starting out in high school, she already was in her last year and by then she was already a fully-ascended goth goddess

-They weren’t that close (they had a 4 year difference) and she always thought he was too enthusiastic about everything. They never really connected

-BUT—

-He got really curious and thought she was really cool so he used to steal her clothes and makeup all the time and all her friends made fun of her for it, but she secretly thought it was adorable

-She was cold at first, but soon started sharing everything with him (she lent him all her fishnet clothes and purple dresses and crazy silver jewelry and even let him use her lipstick sometimes

-His parents thought it was a bit...unconventional at first but they wanted him to be happy so they supported it

-One day after school he got dragged into an alleyway (bb Abba was puny I don’t make the rules) and just got the absolute shit beaten out of him. She had poetry club after school so as she was walking to the parking lot she found him there bawling his eyes out because he got blood all over her favourite shirt

-She took him shopping that day (she put concealer on him in the mall parking lot to hide the bruises from their parents)

-They also got ice cream

-She didn’t approve of him becoming a cop (she don’t like cops one bit) but when he let his partner die and learned that he took bribes, she was so fucking angry. She never wanted to talk to him again

-His parents tried to stay connected, but the family seemed too fragmented and everyone was still angry at him

-Years later, she decided that maybe she should talk to him, to try and reconnect

-When Giorno picked up the phone instead and explained everything to her, she realized she was too late

-She was a sobbing, screaming mess and she felt like a terrible sister

-She felt like if she had called sooner, he wouldn’t have gotten wrapped up in the mafia

-Giorno invited her to the funeral, and they properly met there

-It was an open-casket, and in his will he requested that he wore the first dress that his sister bought him. (It had to be tailored a bit, but it fit)

-She planted purple lilies by his grave, and although she hasn’t talked to the gang since the funeral, the flowers are always watered.

Fugo

-His parents were assholes. Rich assholes.

-They gave him everything he wanted in exchange that he keep up their reputation, but even now, he still felt like he never did that right

-He had a little brother, Budino Fugo

-His brother was the last thing on his mind when he went to University, Panna would almost call himself an only child

-They weren’t close at all. They were always separated because of Fugo’s unpredictable anger and their house was so big that the only time they would see each other were during family greeting card photoshoots and for the painting of the giant portrait that sat in their foyer

-They got it re-painted once they kicked him out

-Budino was only three when Fugo was disowned, so by the time he’s older, his mysterious older brother is nothing but a distant memory, only someone he would pose with for photos and large gatherings

-Any photos of Panna are gone by the time he’s five, as are any traces of him existing. Anytime he would ask about the blond that disappeared out of their lives, he was always denied any answer

-He learned not to answer any questions

-Unbeknownst to him, he ended up looking exactly like his brother. If you were to place two photos of them side-by-side at the same age, you would barely be able to tell them apart

-He grew up without ever really knowing that his brother existed and he always thought of himself as an only child

-He grew up to be the perfect child. Charming, happy, calm, intelligent. He became the Pannacotta Fugo that his parents always wanted

-Everyone loved him, and although he didn’t go University that young, his charm and good reputation made up for it

-Budino would like to say that he lived a good life, but sometimes he wakes up and wonders who the blond look-alike is that always seems to pop up in his dreams. He wonders why he feels like something is missing, like there’s something that everyone isn’t telling him. He wonders who was holding him during photoshoots and who his parents used to yell at in the fragments of his memories

-But he shrugs it off. He has everything he could ever need, so why should he worry about that?

Mista

-Mista’s parents weren’t poor, but they weren’t exactly rich either. Living in a big family, they had to learn how to spread out their spending, and sometimes they didn’t exactly have enough to eat every night

-Both of his parents worked endlessly long hours and barely made it back by dinnertime, but sometimes they did, and every night when they didn’t, they still had food on the table

-Mista never hated his parents, but they were pretty dependent on him. They needed him to look after his sisters while they were working, and although he found it irritating, he never resented them for it

-The only time Mista can confidently say the number four without wincing is when he’s talking about his sisters

-Four of them, to be exact

-Mela was the youngest, around six or seven the last time Mista heard from her. She was pretty fragile most of the time and had to stay home from school a lot because of how weak her immune system was

-Mista missed a lot of school taking care of her, but she was always fun to be around and he managed to graduate with pretty good grades by the end of it

-He soon found out that she shared the same name as Narancia’s mother. He knew the two had more in common than they thought

-Stella was around nine the last time Mista saw her. She was the most professional and serious person he had ever met. She got incredible grades in school and her teachers often said that she was destined to be something like a doctor or a famous scientist

-Although she wasn’t exactly a jokester like her brother, he always managed to get her to crack a smile once in a while

-Gioia was thirteen, and she fit her name perfectly; she was the most joyous person Mista had ever met. Almost the exact opposite of Stella (she would always make fun of her for being such a prude)

-She loved cooking and would always help Mista out with taking care of Mela, but she loved animals even more than food

-They couldn’t afford a pet, but she always befriended the neighbourhood cats and Mista was even saving up to buy her a cat or snake (she loved snakes)

-Sera was fifteen, and somehow even quieter than Stella. She always seemed very reserved and closed off from the rest of the world, even Mista couldn’t get her to laugh

-She had a soft spot for Gioia, Mista noticed that the two of them would sneak out of the house at night and he wondered if she was a different person away from the rest of them

-Mista sees Sera and Giorno as almost one in the same, which is why he doesn’t exactly know how to react when he sees Gio in such a state in Stormverse

-After he went to jail, no one went to visit him. His parents were furious that he could murder a man, and he never saw his sisters again

-Stella was so angry and disappointed the last time he saw them all in that holding cell, she refused to even look at him. Gioia was bawling her eyes out and Sera gave him the hardest stare he had ever seen. Mela asked when he was coming home.

-He never did.

-When Bruno bailed him out of jail, he managed to give both of his parents a pretty large raise and promotion in their jobs

-They were always there for dinner after that, always there for them, and that’s all Mista ever really wanted for his family in the end.

Giorno

I’m sorry, bros. I have no headcanons for him. Only child, shitty family. All he really had was Gold Experience’s presence and a pack of cards.

Trish

-Donatella Una was a single mother, and her and Trish were very close because of it

-Her mother was beautiful and taught her everything she knows about the fashion world

-She had the most beautiful singing voice and always dreamed of being in the music industry -When Trish voiced interest in trying out for a few local parts, she was overjoyed and they instantly bonded over it. Trish claims later when her music career kicks off that her mother was her biggest inspiration

-Donatella was the absolute QUEEN of Girl’s Nights™—she would always go all out on snacks, makeovers, shitty romcoms...you name it and she probably spent way too much money on it

-They would do each other’s nails all the time and her mother taught her how to do her hair every morning

-She was in the middle of teaching Trish how to do winged eyeliner when she had to go to the hospital. She died before she could finish teaching her

-She never resented her father (well, before she met him, that is), even her mother knew that there was no way he could have known she was pregnant, but she always liked to think that he would have taken care of them if he did

-That opinion changed very quickly

-Always had that mineral water on hand—Ms. Una said hydrate or diedrate

-She couldn’t cook for the life of her so they got takeout A LOT and Trish has been to a fair share of fancy restaurants

-Her and her mom were going to go out together after school and get pedicures before the school got a call that she had been rushed to the hospital

Narancia

-He was an only child and his mother was always very kind to him

-She was the kind of mom who would cut your sandwich into a different shape every morning and made sure you got enough water and sunscreen and stuff

-Before she got her eye infection, the two of them would always be spending time together. His father was nice enough to the both of them and was never cruel while she was alive, but the moment she was admitted to the hospital, something inside him kind of unclicked and he never bounced back from it

-Although his father would come with him for hospital visits, he mostly stood to the side and spoke with the doctors while Nara would sit with his mama

-The hospital had all this stuff for sick patients like therapy animals and music and a really beautiful garden so Narancia would bring his mom outside all the time to sit under the apple trees

-And YES, he DID grow an apple tree in the backyard in Stormverse thanks to Giorno

Bruno

-It was just him and his dad after his mom left

-Bruno was a lot like Paolo in the way that the two of them were super stoic and rarely showed weakness around each other

-They were still very close

-They would go fishing together!!! Bruno was taught about boats and fishing and pretty much everything about the trade

-When he was little, he wanted to be just like his father :)

-When Paolo would go out for the day, he would hang around the dock in the summertime waiting for him to come back

-All the fishermen’s kids would hang around there too whenever there wasn’t school, so Bruno used to play with them all the time

-He got his first point as “cool mom friend” when he saved a tourist’s kid from drowning when they fell off the dock when he was around nine or ten

-The tourists gave Paolo an extra big tip that day :)

-He absolutely got his savior complex when his parents divorced and he chose to stay with his dad

-Pretty much nothing scared baby Bruno but thunderstorms hit different

-His father was always really careful about going out on really cloudy days, but once in a while a storm would hit and he would be forced to dock somewhere else until it passed through

-Bruno would sit there for hours not knowing if he was okay or not

-Bruno Bucciarati does not cry, but on those nights he did.

-Because he couldn’t lose his dad, too.

-He would always come back, of course, and he would always ask why Bruno’s eyes and nose were so red

- “Just Summer allergies, papà. Don’t worry about it.”

-He loves the rain, but thunder still kind of freaks him out 

-After his father got attacked, he dropped out of school to work for Passione. When he was well enough to go home, his dad finally figured it out and they had a huge fight about it

-Bruno slept half-awake by the front door with a pocket knife in his hand and he would board up all the windows

-The longer he worked for Passione the more him and his father drifted apart. Bruno was always paranoid after that, but he could never tell him why and it caused a huge rift between them

-His mother didn’t come to Paolo’s funeral

-He moved out almost immediately after the funeral and Polpo got him a place to live after he heard what happened

-He doesn’t often visit his father’s grave, but he constantly thinks about him with every decision he makes

-He always wanted to retire someone close to the sea.

◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇

Yeah ahaha did you know I’m capable of really sad headcanons? YOU DO NOW. Were Fugo and Abba’s ridiculously long? YeAh :) Were Nara and Trish’s ridiculously short? Also YeAh :(

Again, a wonderful beautiful thanks to @jjadegreen because my small brain self can’t come up with all the headcanons on my own ;’)

If you’ve got a question, come and vibe and hit up my inbox!! <3

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

Life gets so hard to take. 

Last night I was up until 4am dealing with the fact I’m losing my main e-mail address and trying to avoid thinking about the way my cousin did not leave her share of the farm (my beloved woods included) to us in her will, just to try to force us to sell it. 

I got up to find a dead kitten. Some cat, no idea who, had brought a kitten onto the porch, and it had died horrifically, it it’s tiny head wedged in the little gap between the ramp and doorway. I had to use a crowbar to get the poor little thing free to bury.

At the other house the storm last night had created a big problem. Some time ago the tree that had split so half rests on the house had broken it’s other half leaning the other way. It’s hung there for ages, but had crashed to the ground. Luckily it missed the neighbor’s house, as I’d guessed from the angle of it, but now I have this big ol’ tree creating a tangle of debris where it took out cherry trees, roses, and azaleas. This would be a major job for me to saw up and haul away alone.

When I got back, soaked with sweat and scratched up, I called Mom only to find another problem. My sister-in-law told me she hadn’t helped Mom pay for our PO box because you can’t pay from another post office, and I guess mailing them the check never occured to her. The problem is, today was the LAST day to pay the box rent and the post office was already closed. It looks like I will have lost the mailing address we’ve used for everything as long as I can remember! My only hope is to run to the post office on Monday and beg them to bend the rules and let me have the box back even though I’ll be paying late.

Paying for the box rent means I have to go another month without the new ankle braces I need, and I have nothing left to give up to scrape up a bit more.

I dunno, I guess it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I started sobbing uncontrollably, and I NEVER cry on the phone with Mom. So now I was feeling guilty for unloading on her and ashamed I couldn’t stop crying, which just made me more upset. 

And I couldn’t do my normal thing of walking in the woods, while we talked, to feel better because the farmer was spraying the fields. Besides, would it make me feel better when it’s a place I’m devastated to realize I might lose? 

The house is hot, my feet hurt, I still have to fix something to eat for my one meal of the day, and I just remembered my bluray player stopped working right last night.

***sigh***

Pity that bit of tree didn’t fall on me. Living is just day after day after day of enduring pain while trying to keep shoving ahead pointlessly. I kinda wish the universe get it over with already......

[papergirllife]

" Without you I feel dizzy and sad, I feel low. " + Lucas

" Stop drinking, Y/N. I bought you along to meet new men, not get your sorry ass drunk over your ex. "

" Shut up, Yeri. It's only been three days. "

" It has happened for like what? Over a hundred times. You should seriously move on to someone better, this on and off thing won't work out in the long run. "

" But I don't feel the same way towards anyone else. "

You said as you took another shot from the table, the alcohol making your throat burn.

Yeri was going to give you another lecture from the look of her eyes, but she was interrupted by a handsome man asking for a dance.

" Go. I'll be fine. Let me sort out my thoughts for a while. "

" Stay put okay? I'll be back. "

You were going to down another shot when you realised that you ran out. You walked towards the bar stumbling into people, as you could feel the alcohol fogging up your mind.

As you walked towards the bar, you bumped into someone.

" Sorry. "

" Y/N ? "

" Lucas? "

" Y/N. You're drunk. I'll take you home. "

" No! I don't ever want to see you again. "

You pushed him away and continued your journey to the bar.

You ordered six more shots and downed them on the spot, not bothering to carry them back to your table as you're drinking alone.

Unbeknownst to you, Lucas was standing not far away from you, his heart clenched in his chest as he sees the pain he has inflicted upon you, regretting the fight the both of you broke out the other day.

You sat on the bar stool, dejected at the fact that you can't get him out of your head, nor your sight.

You tried to move on, you really did. But the memories and hardships you and Lucas had shared was an arrow in your heart.

You tried dating other guys, but called it quits when all you felt from the relationships were unsatisfaction and a sense of emptiness.

Your tears started to fall as you could feel the pain seeping into your heart, it was like poison, slowly killing you.

You ordered a glass of whisky to numb the pain, glass after glass, you could feel yourself losing grasp of reality.

Before you blacked out, you could feel a pair of strong arms lifting you up, and a pair of worried eyes staring at you.

You were still tipsy when you regained consciousness. You could feel a pair of strong arms carrying you around, there's only one person with a decent amount strength that could do that.

" Lucas? "

" Y/N? You're awake? Hold on for a while, you changed your key code to your door so I took you to my place. "

You felt Lucas set you down on a bed. You opened your eyes to see your boyfriend, correction, ex, standing in front of you.

You bolted up in a sitting position on the bed, your drunken state forgetting of your lack of balance under the influence of alcohol.

You grabbed onto his hands and looked into his eyes.

" Why did you help me? We broke up. Why are you here for me when you left?! Why?! Do you know how shit my past few days were?! Do you have any idea what you keep putting me through?! I don't even know why I keep going back to you! Why did I fall for you?! Of all people?! I'm so tired of making the same mistakes over and over again! All for you! "

At this point your whole face was stained with tears, the ache in your heart was unbearable, you don't even understand how it hurts physically, but it just does.

Lucas had sat down next to you on the bed when you stopped speaking.

" I'm sorry. I know now, that it was extremely immature of me. I shouldn't have fought with you over the little things. I shouldn't have said you were nagging me when you were just being caring. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I caused you so much pain for all the times we fought. This is the first time I've seen you during one of our breaks, the way you were drinking to forget your heartache made me realise what a dick I am. I'm sorry. I love you, Y/N, I truly do. I don't deserve you and I'll respect your decision if you choose to end our relationship permanently. "

Lucas's last sentence ended in a whisper, it was one of the most painful things he had ever said in your relationship.

There was never once that he suggested to end things permanently with you, but seeing you in this immense amount of pain knew that this time is different from all the other times. It was like the drop of water that broke the dam, it'll take a long time to patch things up this time around.

But Lucas decided that if you let him, one last time, he would give everything up for it.

Looking back he knew it was dumb that the both of you fought, he was so stupid for staying out late with the boys for drinks, he knew it made you worried of him, but he still did it.

He would've kicked himself if he could go back in time. The events from the night you fought came back to him.

It was around 4am and he had came home, absolutely wasted and pissed off at something, waking you up and he said some mean things that made you leave. It was utterly dumb of him.

He looked at you, snapping out of his thoughts. He could see how tired you were, and skinny. He could tell you haven't ate much these past few days.

Your chest was heaving up and down as you tried your best to recollect your thoughts and swallow down your tears to speak properly.

" How could I leave you? Without you I feel dizzy and sad, I feel low. There's no way I'm going to survive without you. And to be honest, I don't know if that's a good thing or bad thing. "

Lucas pulled you close gently, trying to show you with actions that he is going to stay from here on.

When you made the effort to hug him back, your body let out another round of sobs.

" Don't leave me anymore. Please, my heart can't handle this sort of pain anymore, I feel like I'm dying from a heartache. "

" I'm sorry, love. I'll make it up to you, I promise. "

" Are you sober enough to stand up? "

You nodded.

Lucas stood up and took your hand into his, taking some clean clothes from his closet and leading you to the bathroom.

" Take a shower. "

After your shower, you tried your best to blow dry your hair in your semi intoxicated state but stopped and padded out to the living area when your head got too dizzy.

Lucas had already changed into his sleep clothes and was lying on the sofa, when he saw you he smiled, he always thought you looked best in his clothes.

" Take the bed. I'll sleep on the couch. "

You walked towards him and laid down on his welcoming chest.

" I'm not sleeping alone anymore. It feels lonely. Sleep with me. "

" Are you sure? "

" Yes. "

" You're going to regret this in the morning, but I'm too tired to argue with your drunk ass. "

Lucas once again carried you to the bed and laid you down, he slips into bed next to you, holding you close, as you fall into a peaceful sleep you haven't had in days.

When you woke up, you thought you were dreaming. But the feeling of Lucas's arms wrapped around you felt too real.

You closed your eyes and recountered what happened the night before.

' Fuck, I was supposed to be broken up with him. ' You thought to yourself.

You didn't know how to take in the situation you were in. You were promised yourself to stay away from him, but here you are again, back in his bed. But on the other hand, Lucas made a promise, to never hurt you that way ever again.

How are you going to make a choice?

When you felt movement next to you, you quickly shut your eyes.

You could feel Lucas's arms wrap around your torso tighter, as if he didn't want to let you go.

You could feel his neck nuzzling into your hair, as he inhales the sweet scent of your hair.

" Why do you like to smell my hair in the morning? "

" Because you smell like a combination of you and me, reminds me what a lucky man I am. "

You shudder at that thought. It made you realise how much you love this man, and that even though the both of you don't see eye to eye sometimes, there were also many happy moments.

Lucas must've felt your shudder, because he pulled the blankets higher, thinking you might've been cold.

' He cares for me like no one else. '

To your dismay, Lucas got up and wrapped the blankets around your body.

You could hear him opening and closing kitchen cabinets.

" Where the fuck did I put the Advils? "

You let out a tiny laugh, but quickly biting onto your tongue when you heard his footsteps nearing.

He set down a glass of water, as he takes a seat beside you on the bed.

" Y/N, wake up. You need to eat something, all that drinking from last night without any food intake is bad for your stomach. "

You opened your eyes to see Lucas smiling down at you as he holds the Advil and the glass of water for you.

After you swallowed the pill, Lucas looks at you nervously.

" Do you remember anything from last night? "

" Yeah, I remember the things we said here. Not much from the club. "

" I meant it, every word from last night. "

" No more fighting? "

" No more. " He said as he holds you close.

You nuzzle your face into Lucas's neck, loving the warmth it provides, something you always did whenever you woke up in his arms.

You start peppering kisses on his neck, slowly moving downwards.

Your hands itched to take off his shirt when he stops you.

" I want it to be about you baby, lay down. Let me make it up to you. "

Lucas trailed kisses all over you as he laid you down, removing the clothes he had given you from the night before.

He places a kiss on your covered womanhood, sending shivers up your spine.His fingers reach out to cup your vagina.

" You're already so wet for me, love. "

He hooks his thumbs beneath the waistband of your panties and pulls down.

The sight and the scent of your sex ignites a fire in him.

" I missed you, baby. " He says before he dives into your vagina.

He gives your pussy a fat lick as his fingers rubbed circles onto your clit.

" Fuck, Lucas... "

His fingers stop its ministrations as Lucas switched it to his lips, sucking and lightly biting on your abused clit, sending shocks straight to your already dripping core.

By now his sheets are ruined with your juices, you look up to see the sight of Lucas eating you out made you even wetter.

Lucas slipped in two fingers into your core as he sensed you getting closer to your high.

You thread your fingers into his smooth locks of hair, giving him encouragement.

He stops sucking at your clit and used his other hand to lightly flick and pinch your clit, he always knew you loved it this rough with him.

He scissors you open with his two fingers and fucked his tongue into you, the way his fingers move out as his tongue moves right back in made the coil on your stomach tighten.

" Fuck, Lucas. I'm going to cum. "

If he heard you he didn't say anything, but speeds up his actions, his patience running thin for a taste of your essence, you cum all over his face. But this time felt different, this orgasm felt stronger.

You sat yourself up to see that Lucas's whole face was wet.

" I am so going to make you squirt again."

Let's just say you guys aren't getting out of bed anytime soon, with hundreds of missed calls and texts from Yeri.

To request, follow the link below ❣️

https://papergirllife.tumblr.com/post/615715974898974720/300-followers-milestone-prompts-hi-guys-i-just

[andough]

When my dear friend Natalie passed away a few years ago, my world was rocked in a way that I had not anticipated. I had woken up at 3AM and groggily looked at my phone to browse social media; I had to open at my job then at 4AM, and I used to wake myself up by binging on social media for a few minutes while I woke my mind up. That was the last day that I did that because I saw post after post on her timeline, tagging her, or photos of her - all inscribed with the words, “rest in peace”, “rest in paradise”, “rest easy”, “I will miss you”.

“I will miss you”. I was too sleepy to really feel anything that early. I was still waking up. I don’t know what I felt in that moment, but it wasn’t anything deep. It was just shock. On my drive to work, the shock slowly faded into understanding what I had read. As I opened the store and worked, the understanding turned into the realization. And that realization turned into grief. I took my break at work and I sat at the desk at work, reopened Facebook to see the posts, and realized it: she’s gone.

One of the longest shifts ever (even though it was only 4 hours) and an awkward encounter where my coworker came into the back to see my crying later, I went home and let myself fully grieve this loss. One of the most vibrant souls I have ever encountered lost her battle to cancer. She had set up a blog when she found out so she could log her journey through chemotherapy. I felt naïve; her posts were so uplifting and optimistic that I had no doubt in my mind that she would overcome it. Yet, here I was, grieving this loss. My heart ached. I started to recall every memory that I could, almost like picking them up one by one from a pile before a gust of wind would blow them away. I remember how she would call me at 6AM to wake me up to go to my previous job that I hated so much. I remember talking on a walky-talky app (I forgot what it was called, I think it was Zello) and talking to each other throughout the day. I remember how she would laugh at the silly things she did - things I similarly did but felt a lot of shame and embarrassment - and appreciative of how she could just love herself enough to laugh.

That was all gone. I felt so much guilt. Why didn’t I keep in closer contact with her? Why didn’t I tell her how much I appreciated her? Why didn’t I do something to help her through her battle? It was every “why” under the sun going through my mind. Was I feeling guilt only because she passed away? Would I have felt guilt for missing so many opportunities to connect with her if she survived it? Ultimately, I reached a conclusion that it wasn’t my fault for not knowing how it would tragically end, but also realizing I do the things I should be doing when they��re too late. We never had a falling out, but we both started living busy lives. Why was it so hard to take time out of my day to just send her a text? To say hi, to ask how she’s been, to ask if she’d like to just talk on the phone for a bit? 

These emotions are still raw. I still feel them very fucking vividly. I still think about her almost daily. 

I think about her even more now, because on Monday, October 12, 2020, I received a text from my mom regarding my cousin, Fariba, in Iran who was fighting cancer. She had been fighting it for 3 years but it kept coming back. This last time that it came back, chemotherapy wasn’t working. 2 months ago, she was given 3 weeks to live because the cancer progressed and she was in pain. Last week, she was admitted into the hospital for internal bleeding. 

The text: “She’s in heaven now”. 

I felt it all again. Every. Fucking. Emotion. Every single thought, every emotion that I could discern, was the same when Natalie died. I questioned why I didn’t keep closer contact. I questioned why I didn’t visit Iran more often; sure, there’s political reasons that made me feel unsafe as a gay Iranian man to do so, but the familial obligation should have been greater. Why didn’t I talk to her more? 

On top of the guilt, I felt a moral and familial obligation to comfort my grieving family. I didn’t grow up close with her because we lived in different countries, but they all did. My aunt cried. She screamed. She sobbed. Through her wails, I remember her saying, “nothing brings my relief. I just want Fariba” - and my heart sinks and breaks every time I think about it. 

Why do I wait until it’s too late? And why do I feel guilt for asking to talk about this? Why do I bottle this up? Is it because I feel like I deserve to feel shitty for not doing things to show my appreciation when these wondrous people are alive? Is it because I don’t want to share these feelings or thoughts because I don’t want anyone to feel even a fraction of how awful this feels? Or, am I just being selfish and this is my coping mechanism - to withdraw and isolate? 

I’ve lost two people to cancer. And the losses feel so deeply profound. I started adapting the same outlook in live as Natalie: there is always something to live for and look forward to. How will I honor my cousin, Fariba? Can I honor her? Who else can I lose to cancer? I think about this every time I talk to someone, look at someone, or think of someone I have a connection with - could they be diagnosed with it? Will I lose them, too? Will...I be diagnosed with it? 

I am afraid. I’m afraid of who I could lose. I’m afraid I will never get over the loss of Natalie or Fariba. I’m afraid I’m losing myself in the grief. 

[rkrispyt]

I wish I were stronger.

It’s funny, when I was younger I was always praised for my ability to ‘be professional’. Phrases like “you were up all night breaking up with him and sobbing? Wow, I never would have known, you came in here and really left all that at the door” were so commonly said to me.

Then I started at a theatre that immediately saw those walls I put up and made me tear them down. And now, despite all the benefits that come from that change, there are just times I feel so weak because I can’t just shove my emotions aside, put my head down, and plow through whatever needs done.

This TX abortion law has me all kinds of fucked up.

I can’t even bear to pay attention to the news right now with the state of the virus and anti-vaxers and anti-maskers and people taking horse dewormer but claiming science isn’t real or that they know more than doctors cause they saw it on Facebook.

It’s all too much. Much like the 4 years Tr*mp was in office and the 2020 election, I’m finding reality absolutely overwhelming and my anxiety is just through the roof constantly.

On top of that, there’s the stuff in my life directly that’s…less than ideal.

I was told to expect to hear about next steps for this job I’ve been interviewing for by today. There was one more interview and then they’d make a decision. I’ve heard nothing so I’m assuming if anything is coming, it’s just a kind and professional rejection letter. I wanted it so bad. It felt like it would literally change my life in a really wonderful way.

Today at work was just too much. Too many people ignoring the mask mandate. Too many people at the end of the day wearing me down.

I pulled something in my shoulder and the pain of it keeps waking me up around 4am the past 3 nights. I’ve been unable to fall back to sleep and am going on so little rest right now. I’m also almost constantly in pain from my shoulder. It’s starting to really get to me.

I can’t get motivated to get back to eating healthier, despite a fridge full of healthy food I got. Then I get mad at myself for it, which makes it even harder to find the energy. A vicious cycle.

And I’m realizing I don’t have a thing anymore that brings me joy. I try to have at least one small thing in my life every day that will make me smile or laugh or excited. Just a nugget of genuine happiness. Whether it’s a friend I connect with or a good home cooked meal or a new song or tv show or book or even lounging around laughing at Tik Tok.

And today, I just feel nothing. No joy. Just lethargic about everything. And that’s so hard. I don’t want to feel that way about my life. End I try to think of how to change it all but I’m so damn old, it just feels too late for me. Like I should’ve figured this out in my late 20s or early 30s.

I felt such happiness for so long this spring and summer, and I don’t know when this current feeling crept up but I feel like there’s nothing I’m excited about right now. There’s nothing I’m looking forward to going on right now.

It’s the least important thing in the grand scheme of things but all these people are talking like HSMTMTS is about to be officially cancelled and it has become such a comfort show, I’m not ready to say goodbye to it or add another show to my list that I’m forever bitter about. But I just have this bad feeling, like I can’t picture it all being fine and actually being renewed and all this worry and weirdness around it being for nothing. I hope that feeling is wrong, I really really do.

And during all of this I’m just wishing I could remember how that younger version of me could just turn it all off when she needed to and go on with her day and her life.

I don’t even know who or what this post is for. I just…need a good cry. And to not carry all these thoughts around in my brain anymore. Maybe purging them will help?

[reinahwanggg]

I Miss You》 Park Jisung

credits to gif owner

pairing: jisung park x reader

word count: 1.9K

warnings: slight angst (not really)

genre: established relationship, idol au, fluff, slight angst, jisung being a caring boy, boyfriend!jisung, reader misses him, but doesn't wanna admit it

a/n: i envisioned myself in this position haha, sorry

"good night honeybee. i love you."

"good night angel! i love you always."

jisung sleepily replies, yawning into the phone, before he closed his eyes to be guided into slumber. although he knows comeback seasons does take a toll on his body, and sometimes mentality, he makes sure he calls you every night. whether it be to tell you he'll be in the dance studio until the next day, or before bed, he always tries to find time for you in his extremely busy schedule, especially since he is quite worried about you.

although it's been a few months since the entire debacle, he always wants to make sure you're safe and well. he knew that you didn't mind all of the sudden attention, and you didn't care about what everyone thought about you and him together, but sometimes he just wants to make sure you're okay.

it's obvious that he's the more vocal one in the relationship; always saying what's on his mind, telling you whenever he felt you should say or stop this, or whenever he felt angry about something petty and wanted to say it to get over it. he just has more experience in expressing his feelings to those close to him.

you, on the other hand, always kept everything bottled up inside, not necessarily saying anything, even when it bothers you, because you wouldn't want to be a bother to others, unless it ticked you off. you were always the one to express your anger for some complicated situations, but rarely to others. you find yourself as your own confidant, as your own provider, as your own push to help you through the tunnel of life.

the way you handle things, often than not, got you in some heated arguments with jisung. he just wants you to tell him when it's too much pressure. especially that day when the camera crew came in, setting a gazillion cameras inside your house, saying that the fans would love to see how you and jisung interact. he saw how uncomfortable it made you, and seeing as it's been two weeks, and you still jump when you walk in your sleepwear at 7am and see the camera following you, it's enough evidence.

yet, whenever he asks you, you brush it aside. ''i'll get used to it'' you'll always tell him, knowing fully well, you sometimes can't stand it. waking up, and pretending to be a youtuber making a get ready with me video, only for it to actually be posted, it ticks you off. yet, all you tell him is that you'll get used to it.

this situation, was no different. for the past three months, jisung has had activity after activity to go through, while trying to record content for this stupid youtube segment. most times it would split videos of him and you on the phone, laughing about some stupid meme you saw on twitter. you know, every single piece of your body misses your boyfriend; dying to be back in his arms, and snuggled with him on the couch, watching random TV shows while he randomly kisses your hair and pulls you closer.

you know that you miss him, and yearn for the day he comes and tells you that promotions are over and the frequent break in between has begun, but you don't tell him that. you don't tell him how much you miss waking up in the morning to see him dancing around the kitchen to a video of you singing one of his songs in the best voice you can muster, unintentionally burning the eggs on the stove.

you don't tell him how much you miss coming home from an interview with other artists, only to see him fixing his hair, humming puzzle piece, smiling goofily at the thought of you. you don't tell him how much you miss your rant sessions; him ranting about how close fans get sometimes, and you ranting about how much you wanna punch your coworker in the throat for her unbearably cocky attitude.

you don't tell him how much you miss last minute packing for a day trip to the other side of the country. you don't tell him how much you miss sulking on the couch, only for him to plant a million pecks and kisses on every corner of your face, until you smiled and playfully pushed him away.

before you knew it, you're sitting up in your bed, crying to yourself about how much you miss him. and for once, you want to let him know, desperately throwing away your pride and wanting him to know how much you ache for his presence, and his quirky habits, and his killer smile, and just everything he has to offer. you miss him so much, your cries get a little too loud, your breath gets a bit too heavy, and your body shakes a bit too much, but you don't care, you just miss him so much it physically hurts you.

the little lamp in the corner of your room shines a somber gold around the room, you oblivious to the fact that the cameras are on 24/7 and is catching this very moment, of your vulnerability. you are also oblivious to the fact that he didn't hang up the phone, him obviously being too tired to actually hover his finger, as he was out like a light, his little snores in the background evident to the entire thing.

"honeybee, i miss you so much. so much it hurts."

you start, your voice choked up, coming out cracked, and scratchy.

halfway through your rant, jisung wakes up, blinking a few times to himself, trying to adjust to the bright light amidst the dark room, the slightest sound of hiccups ring in his ear, an extremely nasally voice ringing out sobs and muffled words, and he automatically sits up in concern. he wants to immediately ask you what's wrong, but instead just listens to what you have to say.

"i miss how, every time you hug me, it feels like placing the last piece of the puzzle in its rightful place. honeybee i just miss how much you check up on me when i'm sick. how sometimes we take turns nightly to sing each other to sleep, you laughing when my voice cracks, or me teasing you with praises for a run you mastered. i miss playful mornings, both of us being too lazy to move, but somehow ending up dancing around the room to various artists and songs. i miss when i wake up, and you're already staring at me, the loving gaze in your eyes as you slightly smile, immediately going to plant a kiss on my big ass forehead. i miss pushing you away, and telling you to brush your teeth before you could give me a good morning kiss. i miss when you and the boys would all pile up in my house, and i would get to show you a bit of my country's cuisine, and laughing when you guys scarf it down like you haven't eaten in years. and i want to tell you all of this, but i don't want to be a burden to you. you already have a lot, with some overbearing fans, promotions, and the occasional run ins. i don't want you to focus on me only and put your feelings on the backburner like i always do. i wish i just had to courage to tell you all of this."

by the end of your rant, jisung has to wipe a few tears from his eyes, smiling sadly on the other end of the phone call, wanting to just pack his overnight bag and come to hold you, tell you that he misses you just as much, and scold you for keeping everything bottled up, like he always does.

he goes to check the time, 2:16 am it says, and he knows that he has to be up by 4am in any event, and he suddenly thanks literally everything for the sudden off day his boss gave them, because he knows for sure, after what you just confessed, he's going to surprise you. he hears some ruffling on the other side of the call, the sound of bedroom slippers hitting the tile floors, and a door opening and closing. he just hopes you're okay.

you, on the other hand, walks into your kitchen, quite starved after crying your heart out for what feels like all night, which in truth was about three hours. you flip the switch, your kitchen suddenly illuminated, and you put your hand in front of your eyes, the quick headache taking effect, and you blink repeatedly at the sudden light. you then smile, before going to your dishes, taking out your favorite bowl, and pouring some lucky charms to the brim of the bowl, before going in your refrigerator, and grabbing your milk, pouring it in as well, and grabbing a spoon.

you walk back towards the exit of the kitchen, towards the corridor that connected both the living room and the stairway in separate mazes together. suddenly flinching once you see the infamous moving camera, following you, and you roll your eyes. 'do they not need new batteries or something?' you thought to yourself, before walking upstairs to your room.

you look up at the camera on top of your vanity, and smile and tight lipped uncomfortable smile, before showing the big bowl of lucky charms and chuckling.

"cereal hits different at 2am after an emotional breakdown."

you say, chuckling once again, and happily eating your food, humming along to love again, as it plays inside your head, liking the way it sounds, and suddenly asking alexa to play it for you. it's not as loud as it would usually be, considering what time it is, and the fact that your neighbor just came back home from her long ass business trip (which you're lowkey suspicious of, because her boss came looking for her halfway through, saying if she didn't come in tomorrow then she'll be fired) and doesn't like k-pop for the life of her.

you rest your bowl by the foot of your bed, honestly too lazy to go back downstairs and place it back inside the sink. you then go to your phone, and open it, seeing as it was still on the book you were reading before jisung demanded for your attention, only to then fall asleep on you ten minutes later. you read until you notice the sun up, suddenly hearing my first and last playing around you. the doorbell ringing frequently, and you check the time.

9:48 am it reads, and you realize you read about 10 books in the span of seven hours. you shout that you'll be down in a minute and make sure jisung's hoodie is low enough, before placing your bedroom slippers back on and walking down the stairs, turning into the living room and left, towards the separate entryway (it's kind of a big ass house), opening the door, before tears blurred your vision, and you immediately scooped up from the floor, and spun around on your porch, inhaling the scent you missed for the past three months. quite happy that you were in jisung's embrace again.

you didn't question it one bit, in fact you didn't question anything, just told him to come inside and told alexa to play the song louder. coincidentally, it was Quiet Down, making both you and jisung laugh boisterously, before walking into the kitchen, and dancing to his songs, as you both made pancakes and gossiped about anything and everything, just like you missed and loved.