#I sort of mention her doing things but have never actually done an action scene

[mightymizora]

Me realising that in 40k of writing Manva I have never once written her fighting

[genericpuff]

wait wait wait, regarding that Minthe post, you're telling me that Rachel literally wrote the character as having BPD.....and portrayed her as an abusive mean piece of shit??? WOW. fucking WOW. sorry for being so angry, but even if she "retconned" that - it's still so god damn disrespective. as someone who has BPD it hurts so much to see my mental illness villanised :(

ugh I'm so sorry pal. and I don't blame you for being angry about it, like I don't even have BPD and I'M fucking pissed LOL like I can understand why Rachel might have wanted to backtrack from that knowing fully well that Minthe's story wasn't gonna have a happy ending, but writing her with BPD in the first place and then BACKTRACKING from it as soon as she likely got heat for it (or just realized it wasn't a good look) isn't much better because it means now all she's done is written the stigmatized negative effects of BPD into her character without showing the more positive outlooks of healing and managing. Maybe that was doomed to happen considering Minthe is someone who doesn't get a happy ending in the myths, but it begs the question of why she'd write her with BPD to begin with because in hindsight it really does seem like she just wanted to use it as a way to make her "evil".

But like, when you read the actual episode, you can SEE the potential there for character growth, you can SEE that she's aware of her actions - but doesn't understand why she's "like that" which is a VERY common feeling among people with undiagnosed mental illnesses - but it was never meant to be.

Like jfc not only is it HEAVILY IMPLIED, but again, the episode is literally called "Splitting". And we see exactly that with Minthe, who can't seem to rationalize with herself that she messed up.

But... that leads me to another point that I failed to mention in that first ask response: she DIDN'T mess up. Like, yes, she messed up by escalating it to the point of slapping Hades, but it wasn't her fault that she didn't make it to her date with Hades. Whose fault was it?

Continuously throughout the first season we see Thetis being an awful influence who manipulates and gaslights Minthe. They're "friends", but it's clear Thetis does not have Minthe's best interests in mind. In this very scene we see Thetis manipulate Minthe and even attempt to get her so drunk that she won't be able to show up to her date. And then of course when that plan works and Minthe freaks out, Thetis spins it around on Minthe in a very passive-aggressive way.

But of course, the narrative has to find a way to turn this whole thing on Minthe being the bad guy. Hence we get the slap which shifts the focus entirely away from what led up to it back onto Hades who has, in a lot of ways, put her in a situation that she can't control. And of course, being in those kinds of situations does not help with mental health.

Like, sorry, I'm really going off here now, but... the slap happens in Episode 76.

When is it finally addressed again? Episode 103.

It took Rachel nearly THIRTY EPISODES to finally bring it back to Minthe, and in that time the reader has spent SEVERAL EPISODES reading about how sad and lonely Hades is, and about how cute and lovey he is with Persephone. The reader has not had ANY time to reflect on Minthe's circumstances, because it completely pivots away from her to focus on H x P as a sort of distraction from the fact that Minthe is a victim in her own right.

And when it DOES return to Minthe in 103, we get this harrowing reminder that her entire life is dependent on Hades-

And once again, here comes Thetis to the "rescue", reinforcing the negative feedback loop that Minthe is trapped in where she's put in unhealthy situations. She drags her to a bar and the whole time Minthe is not having fun because she's understandably still reeling from what happened.

Now we DO get some character development here, where Minthe realizes exactly what I've just finished explaining, that Thetis isn't her friend, that she'd rather not have Thetis as a friend than continue being talked down to and manipulated.

But then, as we know, because Rachel still needs Minthe to be the "bad guy", the breakup between Hades and Minthe winds up being all about Persephone from a POV that attempts to villainize Minthe for being "jealous" (rather than focusing on how shitty Hades actually is for having an emotional affair with Persephone to begin with) and then Minthe goes right back to hanging out with Thetis anyways for the sake of having the "evil other girl" who wants to "ruin" H x P's relationship.

It's not until Season 3 that we finally see Minthe tell Thetis to fuck off for good, but by then it's too little too late, and Minthe has lost an entire character arc. Rachel tries to go "see! Minthe's life is so much better now that she's taking care of children!" but that's an entirely different solution to a problem Minthe never had. She never got treatment for her BPD. She just got away from H x P which, while is a good thing, isn't actually analyzed as such. It's treated more as a "good thing" for H x P and the readers, because now they don't have to be subjected to Minthe's evil scheming anymore, something something "the evil is defeated". And don't even get me started on this comic's problem with constantly resolving female characters' story arcs through motherhood.

It bums me out so fucking much. Minthe deserved so much better. She's one of the many characters in LO who make it so painfully ironic when they're done dirty, because despite Rachel's attempts to write a "feminist retelling" that focuses on "moving on from trauma", she's inadvertently done more damage to feminism and the stigmas around mental health and trauma through her assassination of grounded and realistic and relatable characters like Minthe and Demeter who are shown ZERO empathy or understanding for their actions (unless it can be done so by making Persephone and Hades into the heroes). It happens so often throughout the comic it almost feels like how the comic markets itself as a "progressive feminist retelling" is some sick joke that I'm just not getting.

[asphodeline-lutea]

I think that quite a number of people who read the httyd books didn’t get a good hold of Book 11’s entire plot, but this book actually has maybe the most intricate plots (or so I think!), with a large portion of them hidden underwater, away from the reader’s direct view, and I have never read any analysis done about this part, so here are some Very Important things I found while doing my Book 11 analyses —

Excellinor planned for Snotlout to find Hiccup and trick him into coming to the war bunker, better if with the last Lost Thing — Toothless, and then force Hiccup to tell her the whereabouts of the Dragonmarkers’ Hideout in front of all the captured Dragonmarkers.

Excellinor sent Spydragons to catch one of Hiccup’s friends during the start of her plan, to force him to come, in case he didn’t trust Snotlout enough, or had realized that the latter was lying.

In fact, Hiccup knew that Snotlout was lying and was going to betray them, that this was part of Excellinor’s plan, possibly soon after they rescued Snotlout. So he chose to turn her plan on itself, by letting Toothless be taken away to the other Things’ hiding place, then using the Hogfly to track Toothless down, thus finding all the Things.

But of course Hiccup didn’t know of the torture that the witch had in mind for him… and he still had to come up with a plan to rescue Camicazi. During the “torture scene”, when Hiccup said “There is nothing you can do to me, that will make me change my mind”, he was actually hinting at the witch to “torture” Camicazi instead, while he knew that Windwalker underwater will rescue her. Then, during Camicazi’s “torture”, he pretended to give in, then pretended to not be able to talk or point, getting the witch to unchain him so he could escape.

It seems that Snotlout did think of stealing the Things and trying to become King when he agreed to play the part in Excellinor’s plan, but he may be looking for an opportunity to do so rather than having a complete plan. This, however, was completely destroyed after Excellinor “dispatched” him with her words in Chapter 10.

After releasing the Dragonmarkers (I’m not sure the exact reason why Snotlout did this, but I think he was not going to stick to the Alvinsmens’ side after what just happened, and releasing these people would cause some chaos, which might be useful for his later actions), Snotlout silently follows Hiccup to the ship on his Hurricane. He intended to defeat Hiccup in what would not be a fair swordfight (more on this later I promise), but I don’t think he wanted to actually kill Hiccup or take the things. Nor did he plan to reveal his pain and despair at having Turned his Back on himself — that was sort of out of control for him. (Like… you know what you get when you suppress certain emotions for too long? Not good) I’d say that he more or less knew/felt Hiccup’s attitude and feelings towards him, and to him this was confusing and irritating (this is Very Complicated, I will write more posts on this later), so he was going to scream it out at Hiccup.

When Snotlout flew out on Windwalker’s back towards the Alvinsmen, he not only knew that he was going to die (hinted in Book 11, stated/mentioned that he was “facing certain death” in Book 12), but also actually planned for himself to die, in order for his plan to work, to make the Alvinsmen believe that Hiccup had been killed, and therefore protect Hiccup until he reaches Tomorrow.

The plans of different characters are interlocked with each other, forming the plot of this book, and a huge portion of it is hidden under the surface, but visible if you look closely enough. This is truly the work of a great writer and storyteller.

[spop-romanticizes-abuse]

I'm not a catra stan-stan and definitely not an apologist but I really like her character. Her redemption arc was botched and it's a shame because she had a really interesting character, and she had perspective on abuse that I'd never seen portrayed before.

I live in a relatively abusive home with (gross generalisation here) me as a scapegoat and my brother as the golden child. I'm not proud of it but i've been abusive like catra (even if not to this extent because ??????? She did reallyfucked up things ?????????). And seeing that on screen, it was freeing in a way, like staring in a really dark mirror, and it felt good to have a character to relate too in this aspect.

And then came the redemption arc 🤡 honestly Catra's point of view is not badly written from what I remember. Like trying your best to be a better person and stop being abusive, but the other person doing something that sets you off and falling back on those patterns on instincts ? I've been there, and it's somewhat nice to have the scene with mealog to relate to for example. Having to take responsibility for your actions and your reactions, but every sorry feels awful and has to be torn out of you because you feel guilty as fuck and you know apologies aren't gonna change anything, and you know there will be other instances when your abusive tendencies will take over despite your best efforts? It was freeing to see those sorts of moments on screen.

But adora shouldn't have forgiven her. The others shouldn't have forgiven her. Maybe they could be forgiven, but not trusted. It doesn't make sense, it's rushed, it's stupid, I hate it. Also catra stops feeling guilty really fucking early for what she's done, like ma'am show a bit more remorse you tried to kill her ? Stop complaining when frosta punches you in the face, it's explainable and you deserve it. In her redemption, she lashed at Adora once or twice, got told it's okay I forgive you please don't do it anymore and suddenly she was "fixed". That's not how it works and it sucks, it hurts, that's not how it works. We never saw a broken catra post redemption, and it lacked.

So, yeah. I'm pissed about her redemption arc, and it's a shame because i really wanted to see it work.

(I didn't even mention catradora because that's not the point but the amatonormativity of it all? You're broken but your true love's kiss has fixed you so it's okay)

this is exactly how i feel too! i didn't start off hating catra because she was a really compelling villain and a scarily accurate version of an abuse victim who started adopting those abusive tendencies themselves. i didn't relate to her entirely but i could definitely relate to some aspects of her, especially her anger that sometimes got best of her.

but it feels like the creators forgot that she was supposed to be redeemed and kept making her do the most heinous things with no remorse, only to remember in s5 that she needs to be redeemed, and shoving a hasty redemption arc where she ultimately does not change at all.

i don't think even catra's perspective was that good because she only changed for adora. she didn't redeem herself because she knew what she was doing was wrong or because she regretted taking part in the war. she did it because she wanted adora back and also because she was of no use to horde prime.

and after getting saved by adora, catra honestly does not try much to actually correct her mistakes. she keeps lashing out at adora and abusing her, she's snarky with the other princesses and keeps falling back into her old habits. and no one ever calls her out for it. healing is not linear, sure, but there should have been someone who would keep catra in check and call her out when she starts acting shitty again.

but no, the only instance of her trying that we got was when she admitted that she was working on her anger issues, and then immediately proceeded to guilt trip adora by saying that adora was giving her a hard time.

catra really had a lot of potential but it's a shame the creators valued a rushed toxic romance more than actual character development and good storytelling.

[forever-animated]

Okay, time for S4 Rayllum thoughts. And I’ll be honest, I’m gonna be a bit salty. So if you don’t like that, maybe sit this one out.

Just so we’re clear, I enjoyed S4. But there was one element that fell flat for me. And unfortunately, that was how Rayllum was handled.

I know a lot of fans really were happy to see Rayla back and interacting with the gang. They liked seeing the awkwardness between her and Callum, her efforts to get him to talk, his acceptance of her going after Viren in the end, and their final hug.

But here’s the thing that irked me - particularly regarding their initial reunion.

Rayla never apologized to Callum.

Sure, she said she’s happy to see him, and he looks good, and that she wants to talk. And when he’s sleeping, she talks about how she was so blinded by revenge that she missed out on the most important thing in her life.

But she never actually says the words, “I’m sorry.”

And that pissed me off.

At first I thought they were going to make it an intentional thing, like maybe it’s a Moonshadow elf thing to never show weakness.

But nope, she apologizes to Ezran a scene later.

Like girl, he’s not the one you need to apologize to!

I REALLY felt like they would have to sit down and talk and address it all, but they never did. We just got this awkward “Oh I’m mad at you but not actually that mad” from Callum, and “I’m just going to pretend I didn’t completely break your heart and push you into talking about it, even though I’m the one that’s got explaining to do” from Rayla.

And Callum didn’t even get that mad? Like I thought he would yell at her and cry and get mad, but he was just kinda cold. And not even that much.

I have to think that we’re going to get some sort of big feelings talk in S5, and I REALLY hope either she apologizes or he mentions the fact that she hadn’t. Because that needs to be addressed. She hurt him so much, and she’s being a little too cavalier about that. Like, she understands she messed up, but I don’t think she gets how fucked up what she did was.

And I really don’t like the take that’s been going around about how “Callum knows loving Rayla will hurt, but he’s going to love her anyway.” No. Stop. Love shouldn’t hurt this bad. Sure, you’ll have your issues you need to work through and hard times will happen. But Rayla needs to understand that her self-sacrificing tendencies DO hurt Callum. And it’s not good to be in a relationship where you’re constantly hurting another person through your actions. How is that fair to Callum?

My husband and I actually booed when Callum accepted Rayla going after Viren. He’s not the one who needs to learn a lesson here, and I don’t like how this season framed that. As though he’s the one who needs to work on forgiveness. Hard to do that when Rayla hasn’t even fucking apologized.

Phew. Ok, I’m done.

Like I said, I enjoyed so many things about this season. Rayllum was not one of those things.

I hope this is going somewhere or that they salvage this in S5.

And maybe I’ll work on a fix-it fic in the meantime.

[valkyrieandstrangeridingaragorn]

Another thing that makes me sick about B-15 character is that they show her as this happy helpful doctor as if that's supposed to erase the fact, she was pushing people and smiling about. We're just supposed to forget the line from the first season that stated she was quick to the trigger to reset timeline. Like Mobius she was a fascist who liked the power she was given and now the show is treating like she's a good nice person. Again the audience is ask to view the TVA as victims while constantly bringing Loki's mistakes.

The entire show is saying these fascists are actually "normal people" and are not to blame for their ignorance and complicity in the system while saying the god of outcast job is to sacrifice himself for them

Funny how they never do that with Loki, right? His variants all had negative traits and one of them had a few scenes where he spitted out all kinds of TVA propaganda framed as absolute truth regarding how bad and evil all Lokis are. [And it's no coincidence that the one variant protected by the narrative is the only Loki who rejects her identity.]

That's one of the biggest issues in the series. B-15 used to be good before she was taken by the TVA, Mobius was a father, Sylvie was an innocent girl... but Loki was always bad? He never gets any sort of redeeming scene, everything is "you're guilty and your trauma condemns you" whereas for the others it's "your trauma redeems everything you have done and your actions are swept under the rug".

It makes no sense when we've been told in TFATWS that Bucky has to make amends despite the fact that he had been brainwashed. The TVA agents knew what they were doing. They had been lied to and indoctrinated, but they knew what their actions entailed - and some of them, like B-15, enjoyed it. Not to mention they were pretty torture-friendly (Loki's torture chamber was Mobius' idea, no one else's).

So, the character who had no agency and no control over what he was doing has to make amends, but the ones in full control of their actions are patted on the back and framed as good people? 🤔

There's a lot of victim-blaming on Marvel but I can't let it go that in both those cases the organizations are defended by the narrative: as long as you put the focus and the blame on Bucky, you let Hydra/Shieldra/the US government off the hook; with the TVA the narrative ended up claiming they're a necessary evil and they even had Loki willingly work with/for them. Unbelievable.

[anjumbai]

Grave of the Fireflies

Studio: Studio Ghibli Director: Isao Takahata Adapted from: Grave of the Fireflies by Akiyuki Nosaka

"Why do fireflies have to die so soon?"

On my journey to finish every ghibli film known to man, I stumbled upon Grave of the Fireflies. It's almost too late to be reviewing this now because it feels like a crime to say "I watched a lot of anime" without ever mentioning this piece of art.

The story is adapted from a semi-autobiographical short story of the same name written by Akiyuki Nosaka. The story starts with our two central character, Seita, uttering "September 21, 1945. That was the night I died." As viewers, we are left confused of what could this mean and where will this journey take us. Stories of anything regarding 1945 never go on a happy go lucky journey anyways. We are introduced to our key emotional trigger, Setsuko, the little sister of Seita. Studio Ghibli depicts a doloric story written by Akiyuki Nosaka with precisely beautiful frames and animation unmatched. Any movie by Studio Ghibli never ceases to amaze the audience with their sheer passion and dedication for animation. Losing both parental figures to the war, mistreated by their distant aunt and having no place to go to, the siblings take up shelter in an abandoned bunker, barely getting anything to eat.

The stakes are high with the emotional burden of Seita, who now has nobody who'll help him take care of his sister. They lack food, shelter and every modicum of comfort they could even think of having during the scarcity of war. It's unfortunate what becomes of them, yet they learn to find happiness in the small things. They'd pass sleepless nights catching fireflies, lighting up their shelter with a sort of glimmer of hope. Even at the brink of death caused by malnutrition, you can see Setsuko making mud dumplings and offering them to Seita. Of course, it was only hunger that drove her to those actions and not the search of happiness in little things. It was sad. It was painful to look at.

In the end, Seita managed food for her little sister. He is happy now, that he can finally feed his little sister. All those beatings he took to steal food for his sister, the anguish he could justify only for his sister will bear a fruit after a long time.

The last words of Setsuko happened to be "Seita, thank you." That made Seita happy, his little sister can finally eat some food. She closed her eyes, never opening them again and finally you understand what the starting line from Seita actually meant.

It all hurt quite a bit more after you heard the author say that his short story was an apology to his dead sister. He could barely feed himself during the war. He felt relieved when his sister died too, like a heavy load of weight off his shoulders. This story was a reimagination of what the author would've done, and that hurts every bit more.

Thanks to Grave of the Fireflies for casting light upon another side of war that I'm glad to have learned about.

You know those moments where a movie character will speak out the name of the title and you'll be like "he said the word"? Well, the title dropping for this will make your heart wrench simply because of how aesthetically and emotionally pleasing the scene is. It's heartbreaking and makes your heart filled with empathy. Any writer with such creative allure holds his heart filled with childlike empathy, giving us a poignant feeling of despair.

[moviemunchies]

Supposedly this movie was received better by critics than the first movie, with a line in Wikipedia even claiming that critics thought this one explained some of the Plot holes.

I don’t understand that.

But whatever! I don’t like this movie as much as Mask of Light, but I do like it.

This story follows the 2004 BIONICLE storyline, which was a flashback to long before the Mata Nui island Plot. Six Matoran from across the island city of Metru Nui are chosen by Toa Lhikan to go to the Great Temple, where they suddenly find themselves becoming Toa. Guided by Vakama’s visions, they decide to prove their worth by obtaining the six Great Disks, but upon presenting them to the city’s leader, Turaga Dume, they’re labeled as fakes and framed for Toa Lhikan’s disappearance. With half of them capture, and half of them on the run from the law and the two Dark Hunters actually responsible for Lhikan’s disappearance, they’ve got to figure out how to use their Mask Powers to rescue “the heart of Metru Nui.”

This one is, like the original film, Mask of Light, a story of self-discovery for the main characters as they work out their own powers and learn to be heroes. And in the context of the movie, this mostly works? Out-of-context it’s a bit odd, because if you keep track of the comics and books, the Toa Metru have already been doing a lot. Not enough to necessarily invalidate this character arc, but this movie treats them like they haven’t done anything, when we know from the stories that they’ve been going on epic quests to get the Great Disks and fighting an evil vine monster.

Really, this movie leaves out a lot. For starters, the Toa don’t show any elemental powers at all. The books explain that the Toa had expended their elemental energies fighting the evil vine monster and have to wait for them to recharge, but the movie does not mention this. There’s no mention of elemental powers in this movie, which is odd, considering that’s the Thing Toa are known for in the stories. Yeah, Mask Powers are important too, but elemental powers? That’s where it’s at.

Lhikan has no excuse, given that he didn’t use up all his powers. There’s no reason he shouldn’t be barbecuing Nidhiki when they fight, instead of jumping around and throwing his swords (though that, like all the action sequences, are pretty cool). The reasoning, I suspect, is budget and because this is aimed at children. Can’t exactly have that level of violence in the movie on-screen.

The changes from comics and novels to books are the result of another year where the Plot of the movie dictates what has to happen in the story for that year. This resulted in some weird things, like Lhikan not appearing until the actual movie, despite his giving Toa stones to the six Metru being something that SHOULD have been shown to us, along with characters like Dume.

And there are things that the movie leaves out, or oddly done. Lhikan declares that Makuta swore to protect the Matoran, but this is the first time, we, the audience, have any indication that he used to be a good guy or that people knew who he was, or that he was involved in this storyline at all. It makes that Vakama seemed to know who he was before the reveal a little strange, as well. This was true back in 2004. His scenes where he and Dume talk to each other don’t really make much sense, considering he’s pretending to be Dume–the novelization tries to fix this with “fake Dume was talking to a mirror,” but it doesn’t really make it any more logical. There are clearly two-sided conversations going on here! And if this is some sort of magic mirror, well, that kind of thing has never been explained or referenced again!

This watch-through made me realize that they made Nokama incredibly competent, almost to the detriment of everyone else? She’s apparently the best fighter and has a better idea of what to do than any of the other Toa. And there’s a scene where they’re getting sucked into a whirlwind, and she’s the one that digs her Hydro Blade into the ground (Matau follows her example seconds later). To be clear: both Onewa and Nuju (Toa of Stone and Ice, respectively) have Toa tools designed specifically for climbing, anchoring someone into a solid surface. And yet Nokama, the Toa of Water, who has tools designed for swimming, who has experience as a teacher and swimming through canals, is the only one who thinks of using her weapon as an anchor.

I’m not going to lie, though: watching her deflect disks from Krekka by spinning her Hydro Blades is pretty darn awesome.

And you know what? The Kanohi Vahi, the Mask of Time, is completely extraneous to the story. It’s an important artifact that the Makuta is after, but it doesn’t really have that much of a role in the story. It’s kind of there, an extra thing, as if the LEGO story team realized that they should explain what the deal with this mask is, and you know what? I kind of appreciate it. But the only real explanation we have as to why Makuta wants it is because he just wants to… I don’t know, fast forward to the part where he wins, I guess? I can make some estimates based on what I know of the story later on, but I don’t think that knowledge was in the writers’ minds when they crated this movie. I strongly suspect it wasn’t.

[rubs head] Oh gosh, I’m sorry, I’m making it sound like I hate this movie. I don’t. I love this movie. I haven’t seen it as many times as Mask of Light, so I don’t have as much of it memorized, but it still sticks in my head quite a bit. I suspect, in part, because I absolutely love the soundtrack (maybe even more than the first movie?).

And the ending–I talk about how the Mask of Time doesn’t really do much with the Plot, but the final fight with Makuta is great and I love that dialogue. I love watching Vakama go from a timid mask maker (albeit apparently the most skilled one in Ta-Metru) to realizing that he can be a hero, standing up to the ultimate evil. 

Also the soundtrack is fantastic. Nathan Furst is great and I’m sad he’s not talked about more.

But while Mask of Light felt very much like a BIONICLE movie, this one is working with a setting and ideas that fans are still getting used to at the time of release. It’s not completely inaccessible to newcomers, but it doesn’t feel representative of the story overall, with things like the lack of elemental powers. Long-time fans will be happy with some of the reveals, but at the same time it skips over so much of the books and comics I don’t know that they’ll be thrilled either.

I like this movie, but I suspect because I saw it when I was super into BIONICLE. Someone going into BIONICLE now, or trying to understand it, might not be as forgiving towards this movie.

[blorbologist]

Hi hi!!! I love that you just sent me an ask just as I was writing this out lol. I hope you're having a good day/evening! 💕

I'm here for the writers asks! 3,8, 29, and 39 if that's okay. 🌸

<333

3. What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed?

I don't really have one, which might be the curse! It's not too different to any of my 'gotta get work done' rituals: make sure cats are entertained and won't cause chaos, have a drink handy (usually water), a feather or two to stim with, and some noise I can blot out (in the case of writing either a playlist or a single song on repeat that suits the vibes).

8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?

hmmm.... well, it certainly wouldn't involve Percy because he can never shut up KGNKRTNKH. I like to have something happening during a scene, so it really depends on how big you define action. I'd likely do a weird POV - I've already used my Sun Tree idea (not sure it quite qualifies as dialog-less), but, say, the POV of one of Whitestone of Zephrah's normal ravens and the cultural traditions it picked up from its family and the humanoids nearby. Or Galdric's, from Calamity to modern Whitestone. Depending on what you qualify as dialog, I DO actually have a little thing written for Cat's Cradle's epilogue, from the POV of one of the kittens. She can't quite understand humans well beyond a few words, but they do talk to eachother/her. The POV of an inanimate object, reacting only to what directly impacts it, could also be fun?

29. Where do you draw your inspiration? What do you do when the inspiration well runs dry?

Everywhere! I'll be walking to campus and spy crows poking at trash and enjoy how they hop. I'll try something new or get into an uncomfortable situation and note how it makes me feel, what feels Worse, what's nice. I'll steal from everything around me - a fic reminded me of a cool word I want to use more, a friend mentioned a family tradition, a stranger in line at the Tims was beautiful, the wind made the leaves run across the road and bound into the ditch, terrified little creatures with no life to them.

39. What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up?

I don't think I've ever felt like giving up? I've been frustrated, or without muse, or tired, but I've never wanted to give up. I'll just... quietly lose interest with a piece. I guess to sort of answer that is sharing. I'll share a part I'm excited about with friends, snippets or ideas, and get talking. Their enthusiasm is great for kickstarting me again. Or I'll reread old favorite fics if my brain isn't being prickly <3

Weird questions for writers ask game!

(I'm answering between bouts of preparing a presentation, so sorry if these take a while to get to!)

[getmemymicroscope]

Okay, so first, The Devotion of Suspect X has now joined by TBR pile. But that doesn't tell you much about the movie, I guess.

This isn't really a whodunnit - since we know almost immediately not only whodunnit, but also whohelpedit and whoelsehelpedit. Instead, it's a sort of slow-burn thriller as we watch a ... well, chess match... between our characters as they try to remain in front (or get in front) of the proceedings.

While it is pretty slow - after all, the investigator only really has 1 suspect, and the culprit(s) only have the desire to stay away from trouble and not cause any more - it also avoids the usual movie-cliche annoyances like "partner backstabs partner" and "motivations change for money" and "surprise! twist." It also avoids unnecessarily padding runtime by creating like, unnecessary drama between mother and daughter, or between co-conspirators (even when there was a golden opportunity to do so). Like, maybe he felt a bit, but we didn't have to sit thru 30 minutes of him suddenly having an about-face, or them having a fight about it. Like, their devotion to the plan - and, indirectly, to each other - remained strong throughout.

Instead, it's just slowly makes its way from point A to point B, going as expected and keeping you entertained on the power of the story and the acting. In fact, that are moments where it almost feels like a slightly less fun (not that this is a bad thing; it's just a slightly more sobering story from start to finish, without much time to just have fun) Drishyam.

Well, power of story and acting except for the inspector guy constantly referring to her as 'hot' and 'sexy' - that just becomes really old really quick. But, aside from that, brilliantly done.

Jaideep Ahlawat is such a far cry in his character from everything else, even the recently released An Action Hero. It's a brilliantly portrayed role. And while Kareena Kapoor is obviously excellent, he absolutely steals the scene whenever he shows up.

The 'twist' with the body at the end ... well, it went exactly the way I expected it would ... but, like, what happened to the actual body? They never actually told us that. I do like that, even when explaining everything at the end, they did a good job of bringing up things that were randomly mentioned in conversation earlier (most things are tied up - except, again, the location of the body; also, the whole storyline about why our inspector is looking for this guy anyways).

Pretty well done movie ... but yeah, now I want to read the book.

[shotorozu]

encountering a ‘pick me’ girl

character(s) : kirishima eijirou, todoroki shouto, bakugou katsuki (bnha)

warning : PICK ME GIRL, misogyny (?) pick me girl makes an off handed comment about your body but it’s not detailed at all

PART TWO — PART THREE

legend : [Y/N = your name] afab! reader, but they/them pronouns used, quirk not mentioned

headcanon type : fluff, angst if you squint

note(s) : i made 2 versions of this post so,, if you’re reading this— then i probably decided that i liked this one more than the other one i made,, anyways, i used real life examples 💀

»»————-　♡　————-««

kirishima eijirou

i’d imagine that eijirou would have an idea of what a pick me girl is— i mean, there were probably 2 of those girls in middle school

but has he experienced it first hand? nahh.

though, eijirou didn’t think he’d encounter one when he was already in a healthy and committed relationship!

eijirou is practically friends with everyone— and yeah, even the most unexpected. so, he’s bound to accidentally befriend a pick me girl

him, being the nicest one out of all of the characters in this list, will still be nice to said pick me girl, despite wanting to snob them to the core

because really— you can’t really fight fire with fire in some cases

but, he can be everything but lenient when the pick me girl starts insulting you for doing certain things, and for absurd reasons too

like,, how you laugh, and how you take care of yourself (for example— if you wear makeup, or how you style your hair)

which is odd! everything about you is everything but the things the pick me girl has stated so.. he cannot stand by.

SCENARIO

the girl giggles to herself after that snide comment leaves her lip gloss coated lips. eijirou shifts uncomfortably— honestly taken aback by the anything but subtle insult that was thrown at you

“like.. seriously! it’s honestly quite superficial if you look at it like that. who the hell would put that much effort infront of your boyfriend? i’d assume they’d see everything AND everything but.. i guess not.”

you blink. superficial? now that’s a new one. the girl infront of you has been babbling insults sugarcoated in boasts the entire time, and you’re just wondering if it’s about time you guys leave but—

“well that’s unfair,” your boyfriend laughs, “i put the same amount of effort as this cutie right here,” eijirou pokes at your cheek, earning a quick laugh from you— which he can only thank the heavens for that

“but that’s different. it actually looks put together when you’re doing it, eiji.” the certain glint in her smile makes you want to wipe it right off with a dirty mop, “it’s impossible to look put together with expensive clothes, but being built like a—”

the sound of the sliding of a chair is quicker than your actions, and it easily cuts her off.

“i’m sorry, but we gotta go, it’s totally not cool of you to say those things about Y/N!”

“what? but i mean.. it’s true, right? i’m looking out for them! they’re literally out here l—”

“bye!” eijirou waves her goodbye with your hand, dismissing the sour expression on her face— as he dashes off with you

you’d question how he’s just so nice to people like that, but when he turns around, you could see the distaste in his eyes

“so that’s what a pick me girl’s like,” shaking his head, his expression lights up with such a quick manner “i’ll never make friends that are like that again!”

safe to say, eijirou’s friend list has been a a person shorter ever since that incident

bakugou katsuki

oh, so that girl’s bold bold.

if she thinks she could get away with being a not so subtle pick me girl infront of bakugou katsuki, then she couldn’t be more wrong.

it’s absolutely revolting— i mean, he hasn’t displayed any romantic feelings towards ANYONE that isn’t you.

also, they’re quite gutsy if you ask me. so congrats for having guts??

i don’t think he’d be friends with a pick me girl. he’s very selective of who he’s befriending, so it’s probably your friend that’s the pick me girl in this case

he wouldn’t know what a pick me girl would be, but he’d probably know the description of one.

over some time, he’d grow some resistance to insults directed at him, but when someone insults his s/o

oh boy. that’s not good. remember when i said that katsuki was almost like your scary and intimidating dog

this is what i mean

knows he can’t make a scene, so his first option is to be dismissive asf— but if said pick me girl literally can’t get it, he won’t be afraid of shoving some explosions into her face

because his hands are rated e for everyone

SCENARIO

“so you wanna be picked or something, is that it?” he hates how you literally have the resistance of a rock— which is something he always liked, but in this case hated. if it weren’t for you— he would’ve blasted explosions into her sorry excuse of a face until it’s beyond recognition (that wouldn’t be hero like, is what you’ve said in the past, but he disagrees.)

but seriously? ugh. he just wants to leave this horrid place, and make some dinner with you in the comfort of his home. why are you even friends with her anyway? she’s not even trying to be slick at this point.

“p-picked? i’m not understanding, katsu.”

“it’s bakugou.”

“right,” her laughter is like nails on chalkboard, “i’m just watching out for Y/N, y’know? there’s no point in wearing all of that.. on their face.” and she’s obviously referring to your obviously very well done makeup

“it’ll make your skin terrible in the long run! and really— i couldn’t really understand on why someone would wear that much, when you could survive with i dunno.. lip gloss at most?”

you would’ve actually said something as a rebuttal, but your boyfriend is quicker, and a lot more direct than anyone else in the area.

“just say you can’t do makeup and fucking scram,” katsuki’s ice cold glare finally breaks out of the act he’s been trying to hold together for you

“their makeup is fucking bomb as hell, compared to your ridiculous spider lashes, lady. come back when you’ve watched james charles’ entire fucking channel.” he harshly states in similar bakugou fashion, despite the lack of screaming.

and if you squinted hard enough, you could see tears welling up in her eyes. but katsuki tugs your hand before anything else could be said

“let’s fucking go, you need better friends.”

he makes you cut ties with all of them, and he practically scolds your terrible choice of friends— but he goes quiet when you tell him that you’ve been friends with her since middle school

“good fucking riddance. next time, i’ll punch them as soon as they say something outta line, got that?” and next time (hopefully, there won’t be a next time) you’ll actually lash out— or maybe,, you’ll let him loose for once.

todoroki shouto

now shouto might be,, socially unaware sometimes. but he can tell whenever someone’s trying to insult his s/o

like,, right away.

now— you both run into this person after a pleasant date, and she eagerly presented herself as your friend

so, her attitude catches him off guard because who’d have anything rude to say about you and towards shouto’s face? especially when it’s about something normal.

like,, wasn’t she your friend?? why is she even like this?

his hostility is very well known, so they should be scared.

he gets detached from the conversation, and he’ll immediately go cold— and shouto would probably go as far as walking away with your hand in his

doesn’t matter if he properly says goodbye or not— if a girl’s being rude to his s/o, they obviously don’t deserve his usually polite attitude. nope, that’s a luxury.

oh— and what more when they’re seeking for his validation. newsflash! said pick me girl won’t be get any from him.

SCENARIO

shouto couldn’t stop the bitterness bleeding into his mouth, when the girl in front of him continued to babble and take up the valuable time he had left with his s/o

initially, she presented herself as your friend from middle school— but as of now? she seems to be more interested in him more than you, despite knowing you first.

she’d ask him a string of obvious questions with very obvious answers, like ‘is she treating you well?’ ‘is she acting correctly?’ and questions of the sort

“oh, sorry! i’d hate to cut this conversation short, but—” you finally decide that it was about time to leave, while shouto looks pretty,, deadpanned right now, you could tell that he was gradually starting to get irritated by your friend’s words.

“wait. thats.. kind of controlling, don’t you think? do you ever let shou make decisions?”

“uh.. controlling? since when??” you question at the accusation. this girl knows nothing about your relationship dynamic, and she’s already jumping the gun and making conclusions.

your gaze snaps back to shouto, who looks just as surprised as he could possibly be.

“yeah! it clearly looks like he still wants to talk” which is an obvious lie, shouto just wants it out of here “i wonder how you managed to snag such a guy like him,” she comments with a smile that looked anything above suspicion (yet, it makes your stomach churn)

you could see the way her hand gets gradually closer to him— and frankly, you’re not sure about what she was planning to do next, “you wouldn’t need to dress all expensive and fancy, if you’re with a girl with an already classy appear—”

“i think this conversation is over,” shouto grip is firm on the wrist that was attempting to grab his shoulder, shouto makes no attempt to even look at the girl infront of him “i don’t know what you’re trying to do, but it’s not humorous. at all.”

“what?” she stammers, drawing her hand back “i-it’s obvious they don’t know how to take a joke! this is why there are barely any good w—”

shouto’s next actions knocks her speechless, his hand rests at the small of your back, before gently guiding you forward— “love, what movie are we watching later?” he says, making an effort to press a quick, yet intense kiss on your lips

“oh,” you breathe out, surprised by this action. “don’t be so tense, love.” shouto comments on how tense your shoulders have looked, ever since she started running her mouth, “now.. what movie do you want to watch tonight? comedy? thriller?”

“you pick,” you laugh at the quick shift of topic. and when you look behind you, you could see shame and defeat welling up on her face. shouto finally feels like he could smile again, the bitterness dissipating from his mouth

after shouto questions you if that was what a pick me girl was, he makes sure that you guys won’t ever encounter such thing again

“you.. don’t have more friends like that, right? if you do— we could always do another friend list cleansing.” this statement makes you laugh but shouto is anything but joking

but being reminded of his reaction to that ‘pick me’ girl does puts a smile on your face.

»»————-　♡　————-««

likes and reblogs are appreciated, thanks for reading!

i do not own bnha/mha and it’s characters. boku no hero academia/my hero academia belongs to horikoshi kohei, i only own the writing and i do not profit off of my hobby

do not plagiarize, reupload, translate, or use my works for audio readings without permission

[takerfoxx]

The Sandman, Season 1, Episode 1, "Sleep of the Just," First Impressions!

How could I not?

I mean, it's The Sandman. The freakin' Sandman. Easily one of the most influential pieces of fiction on yours truly, one I have read multiple times, one that I never expected to see any sort of adaptation, nor did I really want one, seeing how many horror stories we've heard of terrible scripts and projects through the years, some which Neil Gaiman himself had to step in and torpedo to keep them from unleashed upon the Earth.

But now it's here. An actual adaptation with Gaiman himself deeply involved, having learned from the successes of Good Omens and the failures of American Gods to bring us the long-awaited live-action adaptation of one of the most important graphic novel series of all time.

However, just a few notes before I begin. First, this is going to be different from episode-by-episode reviews I've done of other shows, as since I already know the story of The Sandman backward and forward, I can't really react to the story, as I largely already know everything that will happen. As such, I will instead review this as an adaptation, taking note of what's changed, what's the same, any neat tricks that the new medium provides, and the like. I will also do this assuming that anyone reading these not only has seen the series, but also is familiar with the story. This is going to be a spoiler-heavy discussion. You have been warned.

Also, one change I will not be remarking on is the thing that had everyone up in a silly tizzy earlier this year: some characters being portrayed by actors of different ethnicities and genders than was portrayed in the source material. Yeah, okay, I know that these are iconic characters, so seeing them look so different that what we're used to is a little jarring, but c'mon. The complaints just got absurd, and we all know where the bulk of them were coming from. So, here's the only acknowledgement of that business I'm going to make. Right here. Consider it acknowledged and summarily dismissed.

That having been said, let's go!

The original Sleep of the Just, while still being very cool, did demonstrate some growing pains that plagued the series until Gaiman found his voice around The Sound of her Wings. Back then, it was very much a horror series, with body horror and gore popping up quite a lot. Here, while the story is still very much the same, I can tell that Gaiman wanted to update the overall feel, going for something more mystical and surreal than outright unpleasant.

One major indication was the inspired, yet utterly obvious choice to cast Charles Dance as Roderick Burgess. Originally Burgess was a more smirk, neh-heh-heh type villain, one that would not look out of place in a Scooby Doo cartoon. Here, he's basically Twyin Lannister as an occultist, lending an air of regalness and authority largely missing from the original.

And since it's Charles Dance, how could they not shine a greater spotlight on his relationship with Alex? You really do feel sorry for the kid, growing up with such a bastard for a father. Having him be the one to kill Roderick was a bit dramatic (he just dies of old age originally, and his relationship with Alex is almost entirely glossed over), but completely understandable. So much so that I was wondering how they could get away with having Dream curse him?

Have him kill Jessamy. Good Lord, that'll do it.

Also, I heard people were really upset about all the gay people in the show, with Alex's relationship with Paul being mentioned, and I'm like, did you not read the comic? They were gay there too! Plainly!

I did note that Ruthven Sykes was still present, but despite Ethel Cripps having a larger role, the two do not run away together, perhaps to save time. It's not like she needed much encouragement in this version. I did note that the scene where the helmet is traded to Choronzon for the protection amulet was cut, so I wonder how they will explain how the helmet ended up in Hell.

One change I was very happy with was the greater emphasis on the Corinthian, who was a standout character in the comic. I get the feeling that he was one of those characters that was created when he was needed but ended up being so cool and so popular that Gaiman kind of wished that he had a bigger role, hence his later "resurrection." But now that Gaiman gets to have something of a do-over, we get the Corinthian having a more active role. I especially loved that interaction between him and Burgess, with Burgess, normally so contemptuous and cruel to those he deems lesser than himself (basically everybody), immediately sensing that there is something very dangerous about this charismatic stranger that just barged into his house and treating him with respectful deference.

The cinematography was absolutely on-point. I absolutely loved that fish-eyed lens effect they used a few times in the mansion to give it a more hazy, dreamlike feel. I popped hard when they reacted the panel where Dream escapes his prison and reenters the Dreaming. And the scene were Dream curses Alex? Spine-chilling. I do wish they could've gotten the Eternal Waking curse to work onscreen. I hear they tried, but it just didn't translate right for whatever reason. Bummer, that would've been awesome.

But those shots of the Dreaming? Fucking gorgeous. I smiled at the glances of the Houses of Mystery and Secrets, and enjoyed those early cameos of Dream's servants. Also, I see you, Martin Tenbones! Was that Barbie's ship or something?

And let me just say this? Thomas Sturridge as Dream?

Yeah, that'll work. Here he perfectly nails Dream's majesty, mystery, and intimidation, but I also can easily see this guy demonstrating his drama queen tendencies, social cluelessness, and kind of pathetic dumbass moments we all know and love about the Dream King. That voice, yo.

So yeah, an excellent start. Netflix, I swear to God, if you cancel this, I will find you, and I will make you pay...by ranting about it loudly on the internet. See this one through, guys. I still haven't forgiven you for Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance!

[spectaclespencer]

P.H. // Part 3; Need To Know

Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

A/N; Chapter 3!! Yay! I will not lie I got kind of lazy and burnt out when I finally got to the smut scene, and for that I am sorry. I’ll make it up to you guys with a future chapter.

Summary; Reader can’t get her mind off of Spencer, which causes distractions at work. Until one day when he catches on.

Category; Smut (Minors DNI!!!)

Content Warnings; Swearing, Kissing, Mentions of masturbation, Unprotected sex, Fingering, Oral (Male receiving), Drinking, Mentions of being shot, Kinda Sub!Spencer, Virgin!Spencer (but not by the end of it)

Word Count; 7.2k

Masterlist | Series Masterlist | Previous | Next

‘Wanna know what it's like (like)

Baby, show me what it's like (like)

I don't really got no type (type)

I just wanna fuck all night’

Spencer Reid. The object of my attraction, the man I fell harder for with every stolen glance I could manage to throw his way. I was obsessed, and that infatuation only grew stronger every day that I saw him at work.

When we went out to bars after cases we ended up in an inevitable game of Never Have I Ever like a bunch of high school kids. With Emily and Derek in the group it almost always turned sexual. It started with innocent things such as; Never have I ever kicked down a door -- to which Derek drinks. There were some targeted jabs, I got Spencer a few times when I brought up an activity I was certain he had done -- just to keep him involved.

However he never drank past that. He never took a sip when Emily made a sexual innuendo, or when she brought up one night stands, number of partners, most bizarre location to engage in intercourse. Nothing of the sort got him to break. I figured he was a private guy, never one to boast about his sexual experiences.

It was frustrating, to say the least. It got to the point where I couldn’t think about anyone but him. I couldn’t engage in any sexual activity without my mind shifting to him, the way he might slip his fingers in and out of me, or how skilled he was with his mouth instead of the person I dragged home. No other person could even begin to compare to the remedy I concocted in my mind. I didn’t have any information to base my fantasies on, either.

I had it bad. So bad, that at one point I spilled hot coffee all over myself in the breakroom over the littlest interaction.

Spencer came in just after me, mumbling a small hello before reaching to grab a mug for himself. In the process of doing so his shirt rode up, exposing a small expanse of his lower stomach that had me sputtering as I clumsily missed my cup and instead poured the coffee all over the counter. It ran down and soaked through my pants; yet it wasn’t nearly as hot as the way I felt on the inside.

I couldn’t help but wonder the noises he’d make if I were to suck dark purple marks across that plain of skin...or if anyone ever had before.

The small burn was a fine price to pay for my inappropriate thoughts.

Him being the sweet guy that he is, offered to help me clean up. This proposal ended up with him taking paper towels and patting down my thighs -- not realizing just how suggestive the action looked to me.

“Sorry,” He whispered, looking up at my face from his position below me. He was kneeling on one knee, with a hand planted firmly on the outside of my thigh. His voice was soft yet raspy, and oh how I let my mind wander.

“Not your fault,” I said quickly, and borderline ran out the door before he could protest or add anything on.

I headed straight to the bathroom to wash my face, try and stop the effect he had on me from becoming too physical.

If I got that worked up over a small piece of skin showing, nothing could have prepared me for the first night we shared a hotel room.

I was in shambles all night, ever since the moment Hotch handed me a room card and explained we needed to double up.

Emily usually roomed with JJ, Hotch and Rossi got their own, and Derek refuses to bunk with Spencer -- if he could avoid it. Much to my luck, this time he did because Garcia was needed for this case, meaning she and Derek would be sharing.

Leaving me with Spencer.

I stood there helpless, eyes burning a hole into the place that Hotch was previously standing. I was panicking on the inside, my body going into fight or flight mode as I went through scenarios in my head.

I was 99% sure I would be embarrassing myself tonight.

“Hey,” Spencer said, putting a hand on my shoulder.

I jumped and shrieked a little bit, and slapped a hand over my heart. “Oh my god, Reid. You scared me.”

“Sorry,” he laughed. “Sorry I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s okay.”

He nodded, eventually realizing that he was still indeed touching my shoulder. He dropped his arm, only to bring his hand back up to rub over his chin.

My eyes darted down to it, watching at the way his veins stood out. It wasn’t the first time I admired them, there were moments when he was going over maps with two fingers where I wondered what they would feel like on my-

“____?”

“What?” I asked, a little too loud for the setting.

“Did you hear me?”

“No, sorry.”

“I said we should go inside,” he laughed softly, trying to sooth the tension.

I agreed, stepping past him to start walking to our room. I opened the door with trembling hands, wondering just how hard the following nights at the hotel would be.

“I’m gonna go see Emily and JJ. Ask if they wanna go to the bar,” I said quickly, throwing my bag down just inside the door.

“Oh. Okay. Have fun! Don’t stay out too late. You should get a full night’s sleep.”

“I won’t be long. Don’t wait up!” I called, not looking back to see him before half jogging out of the room.

-----

“I cannot go back in there.”

“Oh, because of your little crush,” Emily laughed, much too loud for the early hours of the morning.

Clearly Spencer’s advice about coming back early didn’t plant itself in my head.

“Yes, because of that,” I confirmed. I was staring down at my drink, wallowing in self pity. It was too awkward to even step foot in there, I’m sure just by the sight of him I’d explode.

“What is it about him that gets you hot and heavy?” JJ teased. “No shame, just curious.”

I fake laughed, ignoring her question.

Everything he did was so intoxicating. Even the most mundane things got my blood pumping hard. Each time he let a small gasp through his lips or when he would whisper to himself, a shockwave went through me, igniting a fire deep inside that was near impossible to put out.

But he was so oblivious. He hadn’t a single idea of the effect he had on me. And that was the most frustrating part.

The first time I noticed my extreme attraction to him was shortly after I joined the team, it was only the third or fourth case I’d had with them. Spencer and I walked to a coffee shop to grab some for everyone, and on the way back he was infodumping.

About what, I can’t remember, for I was too fixated on the way his hands wrapped around his cup as he talked. He’d wave it around, and in doing so his fingers would trace little patterns onto the outside of it. I didn't mean to stare, I just got distracted.

I started noticing more little things after that.

Like the way he licked his lips while deep in thought, his mind consuming him to the point where he looked so concentrated and determined. It was hot, to put it simply. I wanted nothing more for him to be licking my lips, to feel him take such care with my body.

He had always been attractive in my eyes, the young boy was nothing but pretty. Even when his hair was shorter and he gelled it back, pairing the look with his glasses -- that he unfortunately wore less often nowadays.

It was nearly painful to be around him all day every day. My head would constantly be spinning with anxiety, only causing more and more headaches to present themselves. It was like a punishment, one I certainly deserved for the tasteful thoughts I had during work hours.

My crush went from an innocent little thing, to full fledged fascination.

‘I just been fantasizin' (size)

And we got a lotta time (time)

Baby, come throw the pipe (pipe)’

Avoiding him as much as I could seemed like a decent plan at the time. If I kept my interactions low, I could distract myself with other things, and not focus on the way his lips pursed as I conversed with him. I raced up more time staring at his mouth rather than completing actual work by my six month stay at the BAU.

“I’m so fucked,” I nodded, coming to a bit of peace with my downfall.

“Well, you could be. If you told him how you feel,” JJ encouraged.

“No way in hell,” I protested, shooting my head up to make eye contact with her.

“____, there is a very, very high chance he feels the same. And if he doesn’t -- which he does -- he’s too sweet to let that impact your friendship.”

“We hardly even have a friendship. Whenever he tries to talk to me I end up running away. He probably thinks I hate him or something. He probably wants nothing to do with me.”

No objection from Emily or JJ there.

“What’s the worst that could happen?” Emily asked, changing the pace of the conversation.

“He never speaks to me again. I die of embarrassment.”

“You’re both adults, ____.”

“We are 27!” I shook my head, exasperated. “I hardly even feel like one sometimes.”

“27, exactly. I’m sure by now Reid has gained some experience with talking to women. You’ll be fine.”

“I have absolutely no way of knowing how things will go.”

“Just give him little tests,” JJ suggested. “Like touch him. On the shoulders, compliment him more, really go up to him and make a move. That way if he doesn’t feel the same you can play it off as being platonic.”

I groaned and rested my head on the table dramatically. “You both kinda suck at advice. What am I supposed to do? Waltz into our shared room and confess my love for him? Ask him desperately to dick me down?”

Even though I definitely wanted to.

They laughed at that, saying they were going to bed and wished me luck. Emily advised I should try and ‘get some’ from somebody else, and maybe that would take my mind off of things.

After stalling some more I eventually made my way back to the hotel room, hoping that Spencer was already asleep so I wouldn’t have to face him. But once again, luck wasn’t in my favour.

“Hi,” he spoke softly from his bed.

“Why are you still awake?” I asked, trying my best to stifle a yawn. I threw my sweater down on my bed, before grabbing my go-bag and retrieving my pyjamas from it. “It’s almost one in the morning.”

“I wanted to make sure you got back okay.”

“I told you not to wait up. Naughty boy,” I joked, finally turning my attention fully over to him.

Which could've been a mistake, based on the way you saw it.

He was dressed in flannel pants and a black t-shirt, along with his hair tied up that I’d failed to notice earlier. I froze at the sight, seeing the way his cheeks were dusted a slight red, and lips pink as ever.

His hair was tied up, and I almost dropped dead at the sight. I’d never seen it before. Sure, he sometimes wore an elastic band on his wrist during the work days but never have I seen him actually use one.

“I’m gonna shower and then head to bed,” I said in an effort to keep my voice steady.

He didn’t respond, only turning his head back to the book that was in his hand.

Thankfully when I returned he was asleep, meaning I didn’t have to see him before bed.

The next day was torturous. I couldn’t get the image of him out of my head. The view of him so relaxed on his bed was ethereal, the soft glow of the lamp hand illuminated his skin in all the right places. Did he pull his hair back often? Did he casually sit at home with it up? How did he look in different angles or positions? Are there other things he wears or does that I haven’t seen?

The image was just so domestic that I couldn't stop thinking about it even if I wanted to.

I was afraid to fall asleep, in fear that my dream may turn adventurous. Quitting my job and moving to a new city seems more preferable than having a sex dream about your coworker while they were in the room.

I was hyper aware of every move he made, always keeping tabs on him in the back of my mind so we wouldn’t accidentally run into each other.

Apparently when I was paying attention on how not to see him, I failed to notice how he had filled out recently. He wore looser pants in the past, ones that didn’t allow much shape to show through.

The next day at the precinct I was in for a surprise though, one that was sure to make me fall to my knees.

And I would have, if it wasn’t for the fact I was already seated in a chair.

Spencer walked in clad in pants that were far too tight to be appropriate for work. Or maybe I was overreacting.

“Jesus Christ,” I muttered under my breath, soaking in his appearance of the day.

It was hot outside, so he decided not to wear his usual vest and tie combo, choosing instead just a white pattern button up and grey tie.

I heard Emily snicker beside me, which earned her a light kick in the calf to shut her up. She got up then, winking at me dramatically before leaving the room to presumably go check in with Derek.

“Hey ____, can you come here for a sec?”

I got up without a word, and walked over to the other side of the room where he was standing at the map hung up.

He went off about the unsub’s possible comfort zone -- things that I’d need him to repeat later because I wasn’t fully listening,

I stayed leaning against the table, just two feet behind him which gave me a perfect view of just how tight those pants really were. They hugged his hips deliciously, I wanted nothing more than to rip them off in that moment. I nodded along dumbly, changing my sight from his ass to his back, to his toned arms that were shown off from him rolling up his sleeves.

It was a fair sight, I don’t really think I could be blamed for staring.

A few weeks after that he got a haircut. His longer curls were gone -- yet not forgotten -- and were replaced with a mop of messy waves that framed his face perfectly.

It was like a new blow to my stomach every time I got used to the change.

“New haircut?” I asked the obvious on the first day back from a long weekend.

“Yeah...thought I should change it up,” Spencer replied, picking up his coffee mug to make himself a cup.

I nodded, the room settling in a short silence.

“Do you not like it?”

“No!” I exclaimed, Spencer furrowing his brows in response. “I mean, yes. I do like it. Sorry.”

“Oh, okay,” he laughed. “Thank you.”

“You could pull off any hairstyle, trust me,” I said, before walking back to my desk.

People that we met seemed to feel the same, because he got stopped more often at bars and at shops that were needed to visit. People would give him their numbers, leaving him a blushing mess. It got obnoxious, to the point where I was at my breaking point. My shoulders were always slumped, and my forehead creased with jealousy.

I stayed closer to him when the team went out, in an effort to get other girls to stop making moves on him.

They hadn’t noticed his beauty before, why should they get the privilege to advance on him now?

It was selfish, really. It may have been good for his self-confidence, but not so good for my own feelings.

I made sure to compliment him more often, telling him I liked his sweater vests, and ‘oh my Doctor Reid, is that a new tie?’ It was a win-win really, for both of us. I was building up my comfort level with him, and he knew that I did not, in fact, despise him.

When Spencer got shot on a case a few weeks later, I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to show him that I care about him.

It was an easy job, since the bullet only semi-grazed his shoulder blade. Only needed deep cleaning once a night, for a few weeks so it wouldn’t get infected.

“Fuck,” he breathed with a groan, one that sent shivers throughout my veins.

“Sorry,” I answered quickly, keeping my gaze on the task at hand and not on his face that was just so close to mine.

Here I was in Spencer’s apartment, in his bathroom, helping him clean off his wound.

“I’m sorry but you need to stop moving, it’s just making things worse,” I explained.

“It hurts!”

“I’m sure it does! But I can’t do an effective job in cleaning it if you keep thrashing around like that.”

I saw him pout, and lower his head. The gears in his brain were turning, trying to come up with a possible solution.

“You’re going to need to hold me down.”

“What?!”

“I’m not gonna be able to stop moving,” he said, looking over his shoulder to where I was sitting behind him on the floor. “Come on.”

He stood up and left the room, gesturing for me to follow. And I did, collecting the supplies I’d need as he led me over to his living room.

Before I could protest he removed his shirt fully -- not like how it was bunched up by his neck previously.

I stopped in my tracks, eyes taking in every inch of skin that he freed. He was lean, as I predicted, but still toned in areas.

Spencer laid on his stomach down on the couch, motioning for me to come beside him.

“Get on my back.”

“Are you insane?”

“____,” he pleaded, looking up at me. His arms were crossed by his head, he was using them as a makeshift pillow. “I just want this to be over as fast as it can be.”

Right.

“Okay,” I agreed, and began to place my materials down on the coffee table to my right. I then swung a leg over his lower back, straddling him just how I’d imagine doing so before -- only the other way around. “Is this okay?”

He hummed, digging his face as far into the fabric of the couch as he could.

‘I got a lotta new tricks for you, baby

Just sayin' I'm flexible (I will)’

I took that as a yes, and poured some of the disinfectant onto a swab. Bracing myself with a hand on his other shoulder to pin him down firmly he shivered, breath shaking ever so slightly. I tried to catch him off guard with the swab, choosing a random time to press it into his wound.

He was definitely surprised, because he whined loudly into his hands and clenched all of the muscles in his back.

I couldn’t help but wonder if he made similar noises during other activities…

“Just a minute more,” I soothed him, running my free hand over the smooth skin of his back, doing my best to calm him down.

His breathing only became heavier, and was nearly shaking from the burn. I felt bad, having to see him go through this but I’d be lying if it wasn’t doing things to me. I couldn’t help but get a little bit excited when I got the chance to be near him, to be closer than we had ever been before.

It was intense, I was almost sure he could feel my arousal through the fabric of my pants and underwear.

I was an awful person.

Going home that night to sleep was a struggle. I felt guilty, for using his pain for my perverse temptations. Yet as soon as my fingers were buried inside myself I couldn’t stop myself from imagining him above me. The way he might sound, spewing out similar noises that I’d experienced earlier that were still fresh in my brain.

I wasn’t proud of it, and I thought every one of our interactions after that would be even harder.

Going back to work seemed fully impossible, I didn’t have any hope in myself to stay useful while he was parading around, completely oblivious to the effect he had on me. I became more sexually frustrated every day. It was nearly infuriating to see a look of innocence plastered on his face, meanwhile he would do things that made me go crazy.

‘Wanna know what it's like (like)

Baby, show me what it's like (like)

I don't really got no type (type)

I just wanna fuck all night’

“Penelope, I think I might die soon if I don’t get laid,” I said, rapidly opening the door to her cave.

“____-”

“No, I’m serious. I can’t get my mind off of-”

I stopped in my tracks, finally noticing the presence I hadn’t already accounted for.

Spencer sat in a chair to my left, just out of view that you couldn’t see him if you didn’t turn your head. He was in the middle of bringing a chip up to his mouth, but was stopped mid-air with his mouth hanging open.

“Sorry,” he said, scrambling up fast, bumping into things as he collected his satchel with shaky hands. “Sorry I’ll go.”

The door shut with a slam, and left Penelope and I in silence.

“Well, fuck,” I whispered, earning a booming laugh from her. “It’s not funny.”

“It is funny. It’s hilarious,” she giggled, doing a little spin on her chair.

I groaned, and sat down beside her on the edge of her desk.

“Maybe now he’ll make a move on you.”

“Oh shut up,” I slapped her arm, beginning to laugh along with her. “If he was avoiding me before, I’m sure he’ll never speak to me again.”

Ever since I helped Spencer with his injury the first time he’d been semi ignoring me, not trying to actively partake in conversation. We only talked when necessary, but didn’t exchange any extra words when I came over for an hour to help him with his wound.

I was almost happy about that, it meant I didn’t have to embarrassingly throw myself at him all day long.

I was perfectly fine admiring him from a distance, just how I’d done so for years.

However, there was a part of me that was rightfully sad. Did I cross a line, or make him feel uncomfortable? Maybe from spending so much time together recently he gathered I really wasn’t that interesting.

“Don’t say that,” Penelope frowned.

“Why not? It’s the truth,” I shrugged.

“Why don’t you just tell him how you feel?”

“How I feel?”

“Don’t even try and wedge your way out of it. Emily told me, don’t be mad,” she said, with the sweetest look on her face that I couldn’t be upset.

“Bitch,” I playfully mumbled.

“Besides you literally were about to say that you can’t get your mind off of him.”

“Uh, no, I was not. I was going to say someone. A general someone. Not Reid.”

She hummed, turning back to her screen to finish up some work Hotch had sent her to do.

“Okay fine. Pen, I’m gonna die. It’s insufferable. I can’t handle it anymore.”

“That’s exactly why you should tell him!” She encouraged excitedly, always a swooner for young love.

“I would scare him. He’s probably scared of me, actually.”

“Oh come on, I’m sure his little virgin heart can take it.”

“What?” I asked, suddenly giving her all my attention. “Virgin? Is he seriously a virgin?”

“I don’t know, truly. I just kinda figured. He doesn’t talk about anyone or anything to do with sex.”

I nodded. That makes sense. With him radiating pure sex appeal in my eyes, the thought never even crossed my mind that he might be a virgin.

But that just made it all the more exciting.

“But hey, if he’s really a 27 year old virgin I’m sure he’s extremely horny,” she laughed.

“We are at work. Let’s calm it down before I actually combust,” I shook my head.

My palms were sweating at the very thought of him doing anything remotely sexual -- which I thought about a lot. Surely he’s had to at least...taken care of himself. I’m sure it was a gorgeous sight, his hand wrapped firmly around his dick and face contorted in nothing but pleasure.

My thoughts were interrupted by none other than the man himself, who barged into the room to say we were taking off for a case in 30.

The flight there was quiet and boring, we left at night so there wasn’t so much we could do when we got there besides head up to our hotel.

“We’re sharing a room,” Spencer said, walking over to me from where he was previously with Derek.

I was standing in front of the vending machine, doing my very best to not eavesdrop on the mens’ conversation, which was only taking place about 20 feet away. Spencer was speaking in a hushed yet agitated tone, and Derek was matching his energy. It seemed they were bickering, but about what I didn’t know.

“Says who?” I panicked.

“Uhh...Hotch did.”

Great.

“Oh. Alright,” I followed him down the hallway, our room was the last one at the end.

I waited for him to open the door, and when he stepped out of the way to let me inside I brushed past him.

When I turned around Spencer was standing there blocking my path, causing me to bump into his chest.

“Hello...” I said confused, taking a step back.

“I…”

“What?” I asked, furrowing my eyebrows. “Spencer what are you doing?”

He didn’t answer with words, instead reaching up to push a piece of hair out of my face. My breath hitched at the contact, sending me into a short frenzy on the inside. He was inching closer, now his body was getting just close enough so that I could feel the heat radiating off of him. He was glancing back and forth between my eyes, searching my face for an expression of discomfort.

He didn’t find any.

“I was talking with Derek. About you,” he whispered. “He said you’ve been coming on to me.”

My heart nearly missed a beat at his words.

“I've noticed your odd behaviour, you don’t act the way you do with anyone else on the team. You run away from me, and at first I thought you just didn’t like me, but now...I think it’s the opposite. I see the way you look at me, you know.”

“And how do I look at you?” I questioned nervously.

“Like you want me. Tell me. Who were you talking about earlier today? Who exactly can’t get your mind off of?”

I paused, eyes almost bulging out of my head at the implication.

“If I'm reading this wrong, let me know. We can pretend this never happened.”

“Get on the bed and take your clothes off.”

He did just that, moving beside me to shove his pants down his legs, followed by ripping off his shirt, as I did the same. We couldn’t take our eyes off of each other, too busy drinking in our appearances to think straight. He sat down on the edge of the bed in just his underwear, and spread his legs just wide enough to give me space to stand between them.

“Tell me what you want.” he breathed, watching me as I walked towards him.

“You,” I answered simply, climbing into his lap and connecting my mouth was his. “All of you.”

He didn’t protest, only doing quite the opposite. He moaned greedily into my mouth, sucking every last bit of life out of me. He was hungry in his movements, not allowing for a single beat of fresh air for either of us. I was more than happy to return the energy, for I’ve dreamt for too long about what he might taste like. And it wasn’t disappointing, the sensation was far better than I could have ever cooked up in my head.

After a minute he became impatient, and started bucking his hips up to meet mine. I did the same, grinding down on his hardening dick that felt...impressive to say the least.

“I’ve thought about you for so long,” I spoke against his lips, taking a break between kisses.

He groaned back at me, moving his hands from my cheeks down to my hips to hold me flush against himself. He whimpered when I was fully against him, he had to break away to keep his breathing somewhat managed.

“Please, I need you so bad. I’ve thought about you too.”

“What exactly did you think about?” I asked quietly, trailing kisses all across his face, and then started heading down his jaw and neck.

“L-lots of stuff.”

“Tell me,” I demanded, looking up at him from my new position kneeling on the floor. “Please, tell me.”

I brought a hand up to his boxers, ghosting just over his bulge while remaining eye contact.

“Everything. All of you. ____, Please.”

‘You're exciting, boy, come find me

Your eyes told me, "Girl, come ride me"’

“Let me do something first,” I said, pushing against his stomach to encourage him to lie back on the bed. He did so, propping himself up on his forearms to look down at me.

He watched my every move, not a second was missed by his eyes that stayed locked onto my form. I dropped my head down to kiss across his left thigh, and toyed with the waistband of his underwear with my right hand.

He was so vocal, and I hadn’t even done anything yet. I knew we had all night, but I’d waited too long for this to take my time.

‘And we got a lotta time (time)

Baby, come throw the pipe (pipe)’

I pulled his underwear down just enough to reveal his dick hard and red as it stood up against his stomach.

“You don’t...have to,” Spencer stopped me before I could carry on.

“Do you not want me to?”

“It’s not that.”

“Then what is it?”

“It’s just…” He stopped, and bit his lip while staring off to one of the walls.

“Has anyone ever done this with you before?” I asked, almost unsure of whether or not I wanted the answer.

“Done what...exactly?” he asked, refusing to look back at me. His cheeks were red in embarrassment, and he was too focused on the distance to see the wave of excitement that flashed over my face.

“Spencer,” I said sharply, prompting him to turn his attention back to me. “Are you a virgin?”

His lack of answer told me enough. He blushed impossibly deeper, and started squirming in place. Just as he was about to speak up for himself I stopped him with, “That’s so fucking hot.”

“What?”

I climbed back up his body, just far enough so that I could grab his jaw in my hand and pull him down to meet my lips. It was even more hungry and passionate than the previous ones we shared, full of such fire I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to kiss anyone else ever again.

“You’re so sexy,” I moaned, hot and needy into his mouth.

He was good, which wasn’t unexpected from my end. His lips were always so plump and pink, they just had to be semi skilled.

“Thank you,” he replied, in a typical Spencer Reid fashion.

“Do you want to stop? Or keep going? Take a minute and think about it. I don’t want to pressure you,” I reassured him, but on the inside I was begging for him to want to continue.

He pulled back for a second, running a hand over the back of my head to keep me from going too far. His eyes were closed, focusing only on his breathing as he thought about his answer.

“I want to keep going. Please,” he decided on, nodding his head. “I just, I dunno, didn’t expect to get this far tonight.”

“Believe me, neither did I,” I smirked, smashing my lips back against his and returning to my spot kneeling between his legs. I pushed him back harder than before, sending a small oof sound from his chest as his back hit the mattress.

“Has anyone ever touched you here?” I asked, finally wrapping my hand around his dick,

It only made sense that a pretty boy like him would have a pretty cock, too.

“O-only once,” he breathed, with his head thrown back. He was staring at the ceiling, staring at the dots to distract himself from the feeling and to not come too soon. “Long time ago.”

“If you need me to stop, tell me,” I said, before licking a broad strip up the underside of his dick.

I paused at the head, swirling my tongue around before continuing my mission back down around the other side. I kissed his base, leaving more near his hips. He whined positively -- probably feeling a little ticklish -- and I took that as a good sign to suck a deep purple mark there.

Just like I’d thought about doing months ago.

I left a few more just up to his belly button, marking him up with the intent to claim him as my own. He’d see those marks for the next few days, and every time he would think of me on my knees for him. I kept pumping him in my hand as I did so, and every time I groaned into his skin his dick twitched with appreciation.

“Oh god,” Spencer moaned as I took him into my mouth unexpectedly, bunching up the sheets in his hands beside his hips.

I looked up to see him now staring down at me, jaw slacked and panting heavily. The sight was enough to elicit a moan from my own mouth, which led to him fluttering his eyes shut at the vibrations that shot through his body.

“Stop, stop!”

“What’s wrong?” I asked worriedly, immediately pulling up.

“Nothing, I just really want to feel you and I don’t think I can last much longer.”

Understandable.

I wasn’t expecting him to last long anyways, I just simply wanted him inside me.

“Do you happen to have a condom?” He shook his head. “I’m clean and on the pill. We should be fine. Is that okay?”

He mumbled an ‘uh huh’ as he watched me stand up, as I pushed my underwear down my legs. He immediately reached out to me, bringing me back in and starting placing kisses across my stomach and hips, mirroring what I was doing to him earlier.

“Good, because if you don’t fuck me right now I think I might die.”

‘Yeah-yeah, oh-whoa-whoa (oh, ooh, mmm)

Baby, I need to know, mmm (yeah, need to know)’

He laughed lightheartedly, fixing himself to be sitting up near the headboard. In the process he kicked off his boxers fully, along with his socks.

I followed after him, not letting him stray too far from my reach.

“I heard that women take longer to, erm, get ready,” he muttered into my skin, hiding his face in my neck. “Let me help you?”

“Please,” I whimpered, though I knew I was far from unprepared. I reached behind myself to unclasp my bra, and as soon as it fell down my shoulders Spencer attached his mouth to my left nipple. “Please touch me.”

He moaned into me, bringing his hand down to my core to run his fingers through my folds. He let his middle breach me, moving so agonizingly slow before curling his finger up. I moaned loudly, letting my eyes shut and body fall slack against him. His free arm wrapped around my waist, giving me the support I needed to stay upright.

“So that’s your g-spot?” He grinned against my skin, and I’d be damned to admit it affected me way more than it should have. He sounded so innocent, so eager to learn.

“Uh-huh.”

He explored my skin greedily, brushing over every inch of my chest he could reach. His thrusts became faster every time he re-entered me, encouraged by the grunt that fell from my lips with each one.

“Have you ever done this with a girl before?”

“No,” he replied, moving from my breasts to my collarbone, leaving a dark purple mark in his path.

“Could've fooled me,” I felt him smile against my neck at the praise -- duly noted.

He flipped us over swiftly -- much to my surprise -- and continued with his actions on both my clit and entrance. I did my best to stay quiet, biting down on his shoulder to prevent any noises from leaking out to stop him from getting too cocky.

“Spencer,” I moaned, raking my fingernails up and down his back. “Stop. Please fuck me now, I’m ready.”

“Are you sure you want to? We can stop,” he reassured me in a voice that seemed far too innocent for the activities taking place.

“Spencer, I’m sure. I’m so fucking sure you have no idea.”

I was so turned on I could cry, the pure want running through my veins was starting to send panic signals throughout my whole body. Before I could beg him any further he replaced his fingers with his dick, catching me off guard. He ran the tip over me for a few seconds before gliding in easily, with little to no restriction at all.

“Ah!” I called, gripping onto his shoulder for dear life.

“I’m so sorry, oh my god did I hurt you?” Spencer asked frantically, removing his weight from me and tried sitting up.

“No. God please move, I need you so bad,” I pleaded, pulling him back down before he could get too far away.

He nodded. He started slow. So slowly that I wanted to scream and beg at the top of my lungs for more. However I was above giving him the satisfaction of that -- at least for now.

“You feel so good,” Spencer panted, hips shaking as he slid in and out at a torturous pace.

I pulled his lips back to mine for another kiss, drinking in everything he was willing to offer. I whined every time his body rubbed against my clit in a way that had my toes curling and eyes rolling back.

“This is so much better than I’ve imagined,” I moaned, breaking free from his mouth to lay back against the pillows. I wrapped my legs around his waist, aiding him with the speed of his thrusts. “Please, Spence, oh my god go harder.”

He moaned loudly, and lowered his head to my collarbone in an effort to muffle some of the noises he was letting out.

He followed my directions well -- and I took notes for the future.

The sounds of him bouncing off the walls was amplifying my pleasure to a new degree, it was unlike anything I’d ever experienced. His hips snapped forward impossibly faster, leaving him a whimpering mess above me. Our chests were pressed together, the sound of skin slapping and gliding over each other filled the dimly lit room.

“You’re doing so good for me,” I whispered into his neck, leaving open mouthed kisses here and there.

He moaned freely at all of the praise, and every time I urged him on he’d pick up his speed a little bit. He was now moving faster than I thought I could handle, slamming into me at the perfect angle.

I felt him everywhere. In my stomach, insides of my thighs, chest -- where he was now palming at one of my breasts -- and the crook of my neck. I hugged my arms around his middle to keep him locked against me, preventing his hips from heavily backing out.

“I’m really close,” He groaned, lifting his head to meet my eyes. “S-should I pull out now?”

“No,” I demanded, tightening my legs to keep him trapped. “Come inside me.”

He nodded with a particularly loud moan, and snaked one hand down my body to meet my clit. When I gave a sound of approval he quickened his wrist, rubbing me with just the right amount of pressure to send me closer to the edge.

He came with a final shout in my name, resting his full body weight against me as I rocked my him against him to help him through it. I finished soon after, at the feeling of him releasing himself in me. It was so warm, like a comforting blanket that overtook all of my senses.

It was possibly the best orgasm I’d ever had, it was so profound that I couldn’t see, or focus on anything else.

We laid there for a few minutes, my hand running through his hair and his ghosting up the side of my hip. It took a while for us both to catch our breaths, we were too immersed in the moment to break apart from one another.

“That was literally the best sex I’ve had in my life,” I breathed, staring up at the ceiling.

“Same, but I don’t have anything to compare it to,” Spencer replied, and we both laughed weakly.

“That was okay for you? Your first time? Not really the traditional approach.”

“It was perfect. I wouldn’t have asked for anything different,” he pulled himself up with a smile, before pulling out and flopping down beside me.

“But seriously,” I sat up, resting my head on my palm to get a better view of him. “I’ve never been so attracted to someone as I am with you.”

“____,” he blushed. “I-”

“No! No, let me finish. Please.”

He nodded for me to go ahead.

“Not only are you just insanely sweet and so charming, you’re so handsome. Like I can hardly even look at you half the time. You drive me insane, Spencer you have no idea. Holy fuck I’ve never wanted someone so bad before I met you. You’re intoxicating. I can’t get enough. I’ll cringe about this later but I just need you to know.”

“This may not be the most common way...but do you want to go out with me? L-like on a date?” Spencer asked. He was blushing so heavily, his chest was painted pink and ears were turned red.

“You just came inside of me and you’re nervous about asking me on a date.”

“____!” Spencer exclaimed, facepalming himself.

“Yes,” I grinned. “I’d love to go out with you.”

-----

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[luimagines]

This is my third time sending this ask because tumblr keeps saying it didn't go through- so if you've seen this already just ignore it but could you do a short headcanon list on how they would react if you held their hand- could be platonic or romantic whichever is easier to write

Masterlist

Sorry that Tumblr kept eating your asks. But this was first time I saw it so I'm glad you didn't give up.

Handholding headcanons!

I think I'll do a bit of both platonic and romantic just because I can.

Content under the cut!

Time

Platonic

It you were to grab his hand out of the blue, he’d be startled at first and almost pull his hand back on instinct.

He sees you and then he calms down even if he’s more confused than before.

He doesn’t know what the next course of action is and he doesn’t want to cause a scene or hurt your feelings by asking you to let him go. 

He will ask you to let go eventually though

So it’s best to make it short and sweet at first and probably get to point of catching his attention since you certainly have it now.

But if you happen to make a habit of just taking his hand out of the blue then he lets you hold on to him for as long as you need.

He grows resigned to it and just lets you get it out of your system until you move on to the next team member.

He does feel a little better in the idea that you trust him by the end of the day though.

Even if he’s not sure why you like hold his hand in particular, he doesn’t want to put any strain on your relationship especially since he’s let it go on for as long as he has.

Besides, the adventure won’t last forever, he tells himself, it’s not doing any harm either.

He takes on an father figure/ older brother approach when you hold his hand by now and just uses it to keep you in line with the boys or out of their natural crosshairs of chaos.

Romantic

If you were to hold his hand out of the blue, he wouldn’t hesitate to hold yours back, even giving a little squeeze to reassure himself of your presence.

He likes to hold your hand and walk by your side as quiet way to show you his affection both in private and in public.

He’s a man of little words but he never wants you to doubt his devotion to you.

He doesn’t outwardly react when you grab him.

But his heart never fails to swell in general contentment when you show, even in the little things that you want to be by his side.

After a few minutes of initial contact, he’d grin a little to himself and begin to swing your hands back and forth in time with your steps.

If the boys try to say anything then he’s quick to silence them with his a simple glance over his shoulder at them.

Not that he had to be angry or anything but the boys don’t want to potentially push him that far with their teasing...

The whole... poke the bear and run the hills when it moves sort of thing.... It’s a giant game of chicken that they lose every time.

He’d hold your hand forever if you’d let him, even if he knows he can’t feasibly do so and keep his image of stoic leader of the Heroes of Courage at the same time.

It helps ground him.

Wind

Platonic

If you were to grab his hand out of the blue, he’d hold your back no problem.

It’s something his sister does a lot back home so it’s nice for him to have little reminder even if your hands are nothing like hers.

He’d take it in stride and swing them back and forth with no hesitation at all.

As long as it’s clear to him that you’re holding him out of want to be friendly, he takes turns with you throughout the journey for who grabs whos hand first.

If he at all gets the impression however, that it’s because the youngest and it’s to keep him close, he would yank his hands away from yours and stomp away from you with a few harsh words on his tongue about how he doesn’t need to be babied.

It depends on your status and previous encounters with him for this and how he thinks you view him.

Even if the negative encounter happens and he see later on that it wasn’t to hold him back, he’d grab your hand instead.

A silent memo that he’s ok with it and he’s sorry for pushing you away the first time.

He’s more inclined to grab onto a persons arm if he’s familiar with them instead of grabbing their hand but since you’ve grabbed onto his hand first, he’s willing to meet you where you stand for quiet affection.

But he likes the idea of holding hands as he travels, mostly because it reminds him that’s not alone on this adventure.

And if it helps him think that he’s got nothing to prove to the others when he allows himself a small comfort, that’s for him to know.

Romantic

If you were to grab his hand out of the blue, he’d instantly start blushing.

Full on- tomato red, all the way to the tips of his ears and down to his neck.

He gets shy and quiet and laces his finger with yours but he has a trouble making eye contact.

Part of him wants to push you away because he immediately gets teased by the other boys but depending on your reaction- he either sticks his tongue out and squeezes your hand tighter or just starts swearing like the sailor he is for embarrassing you.

Because so help him, if they make you feel uncomfortable enough to let go of him first, then he’s going to prank all of them until they leave you alone.

He’s very quick to push aside his own discomfort at their words and instead fight for your honor.

Because it was clearly something you wanted to do but the others would have shot you down and made you feel self conscious and doubtful

And that won’t stand.

He thinks it’s one of the sweet things anyone would want from him.

A lot of Wind is loud and expressive and eye catching, so something small and quiet and mostly hidden catches him off guard.

It send his heart into a spiral and even when you’re not holding onto him, he can sometimes still feel your phantom touch.

He tries to compare the emotions of the thrill of holding his sword versus the thrill of holding your hand.

And... he begins to think that what he once thought was irreplaceable, can very quickly be put on the back burner if you’re willing to stay by his side.

Twilight

Platonic

If you were to grab his hand out of the blue, he’d be startled at first and probably ask you out loud what you thought you were doing, but he’d be more amused about it- than say- Time or Legend.

He’d raise his eyebrow and let you hold onto him for a moment without grabbing you back as you explain yourself.

If you say you just felt like it then he’d just let you hold onto him without putting up much of a fight

All the kids from his village would more or less hang off of him so he’s pretty used to it. (Wind does it too so he’s accepted his fate)

If he gets the impression that you’re afraid or uncomfortable and that’s why you’ve reach out to him- then he’ll hold your hand back.

He’s has a strong grip and it’s warm and comforting with seasoned, robust calluses from years of farm work.

He’s not the kind of person to let go first in this situation and while gladly hold your hand to ground you and make sure you feel better about the situation no matter what is happening.

It’s his older brother instinct.

He won’t exactly be the most comfortable with it (he’d probably feel better if you let him wrap his arm around your shoulders instead) but he’d do it.

Mostly because he doesn’t like the reminiscent feeling of something latched onto his hand and/or wrist.

Romantic

If you were to grab his hand out of the blue, this boy would get the giddiest and most boyish smile just smack dab on the middle of his face.

He doesn’t hesitate to hold your hand back even if that little phantom feeling returns.

The fact that you’re so quick to lace your fingers together helps change the way the little phantom feeling appears.

It changes from cold, unforgiving steel to warm gentle and caring fingers.

He tries to memorize how your hand feels in his whenever he has to chance.

He’d periodically squeeze your hand as you walk together or even if you’re just chilling and holding each other.

He likes to remind himself that you’re there and that you’re real.

He’s not the kind to talk about his partner excessively in public or be fond of PDA but he’ll hold your hand- keep you close- let the world know that you’re taken- and with him.

Admittedly, it’s a little possessive but if he were to be confronted about it (not that he gives off that vibe, it’s just the thoughts in his head) he’d blame the wolfish need to protect and claim the mate.

This poor boy is too self conscious and raised with country charm and manners to do anything else while in public.

Wild

Platonic

If you were to grab his hand of the blue then he’ll send a confident grin, take his hand out of yours and wrap his arm around your shoulders instead.

He’s a bit touchy with his personal space even if he has no problem invading your own.

You’d probably get a better reaction if you asked him first.

But if you’re closer friends with him, he’d actually be the one to grab to you

So it’s less likely that you’d be the one grabbing his hand and instead he’d be the one to drag along to whatever he plans on doing next.

Instead of grabbing his hand, it would be easier to get away with grabbing his arm or wrapping it with your own.

Or wrapping your own arm around his shoulders.

But grabbing his hand is a level of intimacy that he’s a little afraid to give to others.

Not to mention that he’s done a lot of fighting and still needs to fight at any moments notice, so he’s going to need his hands free.

He does appreciate it though, it’ll just a while (and more people than just you) for him to get used to it again.

Romantic

If you grabbed his hand out of the blue, you’re never getting it back.

Although he’s not all too comfortable with hand holding, you’re the exception and he doesn’t plan on letting you go any time soon.

He’d seek out your hand almost the entire time you’re together, just to hold onto you.

It helps ground him, lets him know that you’re there to support him whenever he might need it.

If he gets sucked into a memory, he likes to come back with your hand in his. 

It doesn’t happen all that often because it’s not something he’s told you but he always hopes you’re nearby.

One the occasion that you reach for his hand first, he’d still for a moment before relaxing completely, lacing your fingers together out of habit and smiling contently as you walk.

Wild is the kind of person that would hold your hand in his sleep, or while you sleep and is genuinely intrigued by the intricacy of your fingers.

He’d play with your hands constantly.

He finds it calming and relaxing.

Sky

Platonic

If you were to grab his hand out of the blue, he grin and hold it back with a small swing between you two before returning his attention to where it was before.

Hand holding is natural up on Skyloft so it’s not worth paying much attention to between friends.

It’s a simple form of affection that is shared by all people so Sky is glad that you consider him a close enough friend to hold his hand.

He doesn’t pay much attention to it actually.

It’s a familiar feeling that reminds him of companionship and it helps stabilize the subconscious feeling of uncertainty.

If you do it first, it give Sky to ok to search out your hand when ever he feel like.

You’d typically be holding hands whenever you’re paired off together.

It may lead to a conversation between some other people (either in the group) or some town you’d be visiting about how you’re just friends

After the indicial conversation about how’s there nothing between you two, by some well meaning (or judgmental) individual, Sky will be a little more self aware about it.

But if you don’t mind it, then Sky won’t worry about it too much.

Romantic

If you were to grab his hand out of the blue, he’d get a bit red in the face and a little shy but he’d be the guy to pull your hand up and place a quick to your knuckles before any one notices.

Sky is so happy to be with you that holding your hand is a constant occurrence.

It’ll almost be as if you two are connected at the hip instead of your hands.

Because of this, no one questions who either of you would be paired off with when the group needs to split up.

Occasionally Sky or you will choose a different partner for the day or for the necessary occasion.

But it’s typically you two against the world.

Sky is very fond of hand kisses so expect a lot of those when you’re next to him.

He’s also inclined to play with your hands in whatever down time you may have.

When you grab Sky’s hand, he always pulls you a little closer to him.

He gets a little conflicted about holding your hand and wanting to hug you flush against himself but he really enjoys having you close

Warrior

Platonic

If you were grab his hand out of the blue, he’d stall and look at you and seeing that it’s just you, would smile back simple let it happen.

It’s not going to be a big deal to him if it’s you or any one else of the chain.

(Mask and Wind may have gotten him used to being clung to during the War- it’s the care taker in him)

He won’t mention it if you won’t.

There’s no reason to make it weird and sometimes people just need to be held.

That being said, he prefer it if you asked first- but he’s not going to make a fuss about it if you don’t... just common curtesy, you know?

He might actually forget that you’re holding hands for a time until you either let go or he need his hand back and has to take it away.

As long as there’s no immediate treats nearby, he’d hold you hand for as long as you need.

He might actually offer it to you if he sees that’s you’re afraid or upset during travel or spooky dungeon crawls.

One of the more chill people to hold hands with, seeing as he’s more or less been conditioned as an older brother to the point where he’s gotten used to it no matter the circumstance

Romantic

If you were to grab his hand out of the blue, he would instantly lace your fingers together and would be grinning like a fool for the next hour or so.

He’s a bit hesitant with anything grandiose as romantic gestures (for reasons having to do with a crazy dark sorceress-) so something small and subtle just hits him right in his heart.

He’s going to want to be by your side all the time, hand holding or otherwise just so you’re with his line of sight.

Warrior won’t typically be the one to reach for your hand first

He’s shy and doesn’t want to over step any boundaries you may have by invading your personal space (kinda the opposite to Wild in this regard)

That being said, this is mostly when you’re both in public or among friends.

In private he’s a little less self conscious about how others might perceive him.

He definitely reach for you while he sleeps though so try to stay on the same side every night or he might just grab someone else from the group.

Instead of kissing your knuckles this guy is the kind of person to kiss your palm or the inside of your wrist if he’s feeling a little more bold than usual.

For all his bravado, Warrior is very self conscious about his actions and appearance because all eyes are typically on him- so you holding his hand without expecting anything else hits the bulls eye.

Hyrule

Platonic

If you were to grab his hand out of the blue, he’d laugh and squeeze your hand a little bit before happily swinging it back and forth.

He won’t think much of it.

He’d also have no problems grabbing your own hand from time to time even if you don’t reach out to him first.

He’d grab your hand to drag you on whatever side adventure he feels like going on.

He’d hold your hand to keep you close when you’re alone in a dungeon together.

He’d hold you hand when he’s freaked out or when you’re freaked out.

He just likes holding the people he cares about close, whether it’s you or any member of the chain.

Like Sky, he doesn’t see an issue with it and has little to no issues with his personal space- it’s a pretty small bubble actually.

Hands are a special sort of connection for Hyrule because it’s where a lot of his magic flows out of. 

Since it’s a pivotal point of his perception of the world around him, he takes comfort in being able to read others by his touch alone and how they might be feeling at the time.

Romantic

If you were to grab his hand out of the blue, Hyrule might not even notice it in the beginning.

He’d typically be holding onto you one way or another, and there’s always something going on right by his finger tips.

But by the time he notices that you’re holding hands, he’d smile and bashfully look at them for a minute or two before returning his attention to where it was prior.

It makes him happy in a fluttery sense that he can only compare to the moments when he takes flight in his fairy form.

He finds it warm and it flows all through his arm and chest and body- to where it feels like he’s been completely encompassed by a sense of safety and acceptance.

He would eventually find himself seeking your hand and your presence even if you’re no longer net to him for whatever reason.

He just begins to reach out next to him subconsciously expecting you to be there only for his heart to come crashing down when you’re not there.

Even if you’re not holding hands, he wants to have some connection to you.

An arm around your shoulders, around your waist, a hand playing with your hair, with the fringes of your clothes...

He might just hold onto the straps of your bags when you’re wearing them if you don’t want to hold his hand.

Hyrule doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable with his constant presence- but he’s clingy.

Four

Platonic

If you were to grab his hand out of the blue, Four would naturally be startled enough to ask what’s up.

If you say that you just wanted to hold his hand, he’d be little confused as to why did you choose him but he’s not going to make a scene over something as simple as hand holding.

Even if there’s a day where he doesn’t want it. 

Red does the same thing all the time when they’re split so you’ve got someone in your corner supporting you when it comes to spontaneous hand holding.

And the minish have never been shy about handholding anyway so they tend to grab and drag him around all the time as well.

It may not be the way he’d show his friendship but he supposes everyone is different and he likes being your friend.

It’s not a strict boundary that you’re crossing while you do this, so he lets it slide.

Like Legend, the more you do it though, the more he grows comfortable with it and grows to anticipate it and even prefer it when it comes to you.

He likes holding your hand as you travel when it gets to that point and he begins to search for your hand almost as much as you’d search for his.

It’s a quiet form of acceptance that Four appreciates from you and your friendship.

It’s not much but Four is the kind of person to enjoy the little things and he finds it to be a simple thing his overloaded brain can focus on on the louder days.

Romantic

If you were to grab his hand out of the blue, this dude will be so happy. I’m talking instant pep in his step- borderline skipping down the trail you’re on.

He’s more likely to play with your hands than you are to play with his when you’re not traveling for the day.

His hands are covered with calluses and miniscule scars so he’s captivated by the lack of such on your own.

Four, like many others of the chain, tends to seek your hand out even when he’s asleep.

He’d rather hold your hand than put his arm around your waist.

He’d also be the kind of guy that fidgets a lot- so if you’re holding hands be aware that he’s going to squeeze your hand a lot, brush over your knuckles, your wrist and your palm

He’d give your fingers individual attention, pulling gently on your skin, bending them, gently twisting and watching them move

Four’s favorite time to hold your hand however is when it’s late at night, and everyone is quiet and on the cusp of sleep and maybe you’re asleep too, but it’s then when he’d play with your hand and gently brush his fingertips across your skin as he drifts off to sleep as well.

He’s very hands on

It’s very quiet and sweet, he loves it.

Legend

Platonic

If were to grab his hand out of the blue, he would definitely rip it out of your hold out of sheer awkwardness.

Especially near the beginning when you first join the group.

It would take you a few tries to get it to stick where he gives up on it.

Later on, once he’s grown used to it, he just lets you do what you want.

Whether that be play with his hand, just hold it or swing it around.

As long as you don’t try to play with or take off his rings he’s fine.

He’s pretty tolerant of it afterwards but it can easily blamed on the notion tat he’s come to expect it from you and know that you wouldn’t have given up otherwise.

It’s almost like a kill them with kindness scenario but with personal space and simple affectionate gestures instead.

It helps when Hyrule catches wind of your spontaneous hand holding and joins the cause.

So Legend has his hands full most of the time when you travel.

Literally.

It’s a good thing he has to two of them.

Romantic

If you were to grab his hand out of the blue, then he’d be a shy and stuttering mess for the entire time and even up to an hour after you’ve stopped holding onto him.

He’s a softly on the inside and he can’t help it.

But he also isn’t use to simple affection- especially since he’s on his own more often than not.

He wants to keep a loner attitude and how he doesn’t need anyone next to him. It’s why he’d shrug you off if you weren’t as close as you are.

But hand holding is a universal simple sign of ‘Hey, I want you next to me, I want to be next to you. And he doesn’t know how to properly articulate a response, let alone how to manage the emotions that come with it.

So he goes all red and blushy from the tips of his ears all the way down to his chest but he holds your hand back with a soft smile and squeezes you gently.

It’s a shame he can’t quite look you in the eyes as it happens.

He gets really shy.

He’s under the impression that he shouldn’t quite enjoy it as much as he wants to... not if he’ll eventually lose it. Because he loses everything. And he’s not sure if he’s willing to suffer through the heart break afterwards even if it feel all soft and warm to hold you now.

It’s up to you to prove him otherwise and with enough time and patience, he’ll come around to accepting simple affection from more than just the friends around him.

He’ll fully allow himself to be encompassed by your relationship and what it means to love someone with his whole mind, body, heart and soul.

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E129 (March 16, 2021)

Tonight’s guests are Matt Mercer and Taliesin Jaffe!

Matt, on DMing Luc’s Revivify: “That was weird. It’s one thing when it happens because of player action and circumstances and the choices they make. When it’s entirely on me, unintentional, and just realizing different chess pieces you’ve set up, that’s rough.” It was especially rough since this was a child NPC related to a PC. “I was hoping somebody had a spell slot left.” He kept in mind that there are two clerics in the room and that they could resurrect the next day even if the Revivify went poorly. “A good chance, since it’s his first time. Okay, okay, okay, okay, I think we’ll be okay, we’ll see how this goes. It was really stressful in the moment! I did not set out to have that happen, but when I realized what was going to happen, I tried to see it through.” He wouldn’t have prevented a chance to bring him back. “There may have been an offshoot short-run series of games to find a way to bring him back. I would have found some way to correct the circumstance so the players could feel good about moving forward with the story and there was no undue punishment beyond their control.”

Taliesin on Cad’s response: “This is a big thing if you’re a cleric. It was very much coming in like an EMT. Everything should be fine... hopefully. Just focused in and got it done. The minute things started to go south it was like, okay, that’s the next problem.”

On Yeza’s feelings: “It is a very complicated situation. I think he, much like how Veth is trying to figure out what it is that she wants, I think he’s trying to help her find that while also figuring it out for himself. I think Yeza’s also noticing that because Veth’s the more active of the two of them she also takes the weight of the responsibility and the blame for things when they go wrong, unnecessarily. Especially when he himself acknowledges that he’s partially at fault for even dragging everyone in with the Conclave. As much as he’s appreciative for them coming back for him, there’s a lot of back and forth. He’s filled with a lot of regret, too, but he’s very much trying to convince Veth that it’s a burden that she doesn’t have to keep to herself, that they can share it and work through it together.” Matt mentions that, as an actor, he really loves exploring interactions between characters first and foremost. “Especially when you don’t know where it’s going to go.” He also praises Sam as a scene partner - “I really cherish that.”

How does Caduceus feel about Revivify and Speak with Dead? “Speak with Dead is an interesting middle ground, because he knows that it’s not actually speaking with the dead. It’s really just-- it’s almost medical, really. This is just reactivating a brain at a certain point. It’s practically just a muscle twitch at this point. That doesn’t really prod him in that direction. Revivify is interesting, because it had never really come up. At first I thought of it as bending the rules, but it’s not bending the rules. You knock over a plant, you replant it, you don’t stare at it and go ‘Well, that’s over.’ This is just doing the work. No, we can bring this thing back to health. This is all part of the circle of life, that sometimes we can save something. Especially given the stress that he’s put himself through over the past year of being with these people. He’s started to think of himself a bit as a battlefield medic, and triage is just part of the deal, and it’s completely acceptable.”

Did Trent really just want to talk? “Yeah, that circumstance, as it came together, Trent would never have arrived if there wasn’t an indication that there was some kind of infiltration or attack. Even beyond that, it was Jester breaking the concentration on her charm on that one guard when she created her duplicate.” The guards’ job is to inform a member of the Cerberus Assembly, and Trent lived the closest. “He didn’t know who it was, didn’t have any expectation necessarily. The minute he saw the illusion, he knew a powerful magic user was involved.” Seeing Caleb was an unexpected surprise. “I don’t think he wanted to throw down necessarily. He was more interested in figuring out exactly what the nature of this was.” Matt had multiple battlemaps that didn’t get used. “They managed to cleverly out-maneuver him in his surprise of seeing them.” The Nein rocketed up his priority list after that very quickly. Taliesin: “We’re so fucked.”

On Cad being “Uncle Caduceus” to Luc: “It’s the thing he misses most about home, is being a juvenile shit. It’s nice to be able to express that part of him again, as opposed to the serious, life-threatening, constant intensity. I’m very at home just being a little difficult.”

Cosplay of the Week: an amazing Beau! (_rumor_king, photography by kourtyardproductions on Instagram)

On Marion: “Like a lot of people in this whole narrative from the beginning, getting swept up in things larger than her and trying to adapt. This is a circumstance she’s avoided for a long time. She’s having a rough time in some ways, but simultaneously, she’s enduring. Like a mother would. She’s adapting, she’s making it work. Without much of a choice, you just kind of do the best you can and lean on the people around you to help you where they can. Luckily she has a daughter there. She’s probably surprising herself at how well she’s doing given the circumstances.” Matt talks about how weird it is to feel proud of character he’s created. “Of the many things Marion is incredible at, she’s a studier of the human condition. She’s seen and heard the stories of so many. That gives her a very special perspective. She can see elements of that fractured individual within Caleb, and knowing the good that he’s brought to his friends, and knowing he’s possibly saved her life from bad circumstances, she couldn’t not speak up. She very easily falls into that role of maternal comforter, because it’s one of the many things she’s really good at, she enjoys it, and she can see well when people need it.” He’s been enjoying having Marion along for this (despite the difficult circumstances) because he was always a little sad that they only got to see her for short periods of time.

On the Blooming Grove’s safety: “He’s afraid that it’s a premonition. He’s not pinned it down, but he’s happy to let his imagination wander. He at the very least feels like there’s a reason he’s having these thoughts, and that there’s a reason to go there. He’s a big believer that these things don’t just happen. He’s more likely to think that there’s a good reason to go versus a danger to go. He’s had a couple of ominous warnings lately, and he’s not used to them and not a fan. He’s more likely to read something like that as, there is something there waiting for you that you have to discover. There is something that is going to be helpful to you, even if it hurts.”

On Astrid: “While maybe not as readable in overall personality as Trent is, I still want to be careful to not discuss things that are still being discussed within the game and tossed around as possibilities. Astrid is another complicated character, as anyone would be who’s been through the life she has. I can’t say too much. I can say she’s definitely legitimately happy to see Bren/Caleb after all this time.” His reemergence definitely caught her off guard. “We’ll have to see where it goes from there.”

On Cad’s successful Divine Intervention: “He’s definitely hit the ‘on a mission from god’ stage. He’s been that way for the entire campaign of, this, this is what I’ve been waiting for. Even when it sucks a lot, it’s been nice that those things have popped up to remind him, no, no, you’re doing it right, everything’s good. Probably not going to survive the next week, but you’re doing good! Not quite 1 in a 100 chance, but I forget so often to make that roll, and it’s such a great roleplaying roll. I don’t know how at level 20 you could deal with the fact that you can do that every day.” 

On Zeenoth getting his comeuppance: the kidnapping was a concept Marisha brought up for Beau’s backstory, and Matt went with it even though it was opposed to the Cobalt Soul’s philosophy because he knew rooting it out would make for an interesting story. “I felt it was an important beat to bring to her, because it was something that she was wronged by. And to show that there are still some good people out there who are trying to make things right.” After the tentative peace, dealing with this became Dairon’s next focus. “I was glad we finally got to it. So many people don’t have the opportunity in their lives to get that sort of justice and vindication, so if I can bring elements of that justice into our world, even for our own hope, I’m going to do that. Especially for my wife’s character, especially for a character that deserves that.” Taliesin points out that if it had come too early, Beau wouldn’t have believed it.

Cad’s thoughts on the Tomb Taker betrayal? “He knew it was gonna come at some point. There was no way that was gonna last. He was hoping it was gonna last a little longer. He was really hoping they had a vested interest in getting them all the way to the end. Nope, this is apparently as far as we go, and he was not prepared for that.” He was expecting the potential for de-escalation. “Caduceus is the only character in there that doesn’t have a history with Lucien. I think he sees him a little more clearly than everybody else does. They’re all looking for this person that Clay, at least, is of the opinion that he’s just not there. This is a very manipulative, very dangerous infernal human. Just smarter than all of them. Really aware that there is no calculating what the hell is going to happen. Conversation is the only way you can deal with someone like that.”

Fan Art of the Week: An amazing Caleb closeup! (rynn_birb on Twitter)

Taliesin on Lucien: “I’m excited he’s the one that’s going to kill us all. Poetic that this is how the game ends.” Matt was delighted when Taliesin handed him carte blanche to do what he wanted with Molly’s past. “I was like ‘shit... oh, wait!’ The character of Lucien was always intended to be an antagonist so that it would have been Molly being chased by the person who wanted their body back. But then it happened that he got his body back.” Taliesin: “He’s so much worse than I ever hoped.”

Matt, on the Holy Avenger: “I hadn’t thought to initially even give that sword.” The good roll was the only reason Kima handed that over. “Well, sure, you get the sword. It was very reactionary, it wasn’t my intent originally. I was like, well, I mean, there’s two avenues she can take with this.” Multiclass into Paladin, or lean into the fact that her subclass is essentially a barbarian paladin. “This really works out in a uniquely beautiful way. Let me see if I can lay out a path for her to earn it.”

On Cad’s attempt at lying blowing up in his face: “He was like that kid that had a really bad day in high school and was like, you know what? I’m going to let loose. This is it. I’m gonna dye a streak in my hair. And then tries to give himself a haircut and ends up with half bangs. Well, okay, obviously I’m not that person. I was feeling a little distraught and I didn’t handle it well. Maybe I’m going dark... no, I’m not going dark. Nope.” Matt mentions how much he relates to Caduceus.

Matt, on the Eyes: “What can I tell you? I’m enjoying the hell out of it. The moment they began to really push to read that book, I was like, okay, this is on you. I’m excited for the point in the narrative where the march continues back to Eiselcross. I am almost impatient - not really - because we’re on the cusp of getting to more of the meat. There’s so much to learn, so much to see, so much to explore. I love instilling my players with absolute terror.”

Thoughts on Jester’s Tarot reading? Taliesin cackles. “Molly made the cards, so. Did it to himself, he did, he did.” Matt: “Once again, another example of things working out unexpectedly and too perfectly for an improvised moment. Fuck.” Taliesin: “Bless the wisdom of chaos.” Matt: “I love that even at this point in the campaign, Molly continues to fuck with people. I’m just so proud. That deeply shook Lucien, for reasons.” Taliesin: “It’s the everlasting gobstopper smoke bomb.”

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

Hey, you once mentioned something about Tom Riddle being a little suicidal. Your new post reminded of that and I wonder why you think that. It’s the complete opposite of what the books want you to think.

Alright, it’s time, let’s do this.

My standard disclaimer whenever we venture into the dark pit that is my thoughts on Tom Riddle: I’m going to say a lot of controversial stuff that fandom generally doesn’t agree with, I will say so much of this shit that I simply do not have time to explain it all, I expect 99% of you to disagree with me and the other 1% to be so horrifyingly offended that I dare to contemplate a world in which Tom isn’t always an overly competent psychopath that they leave me notes telling me to take this trash out of their character tags.

We good? Alright.

So, when I say a little suicidal, I mean that he is suicidal.

Not on the level that he’s going to kill himself tomorrow, or even has plans to kill himself, but in that he makes very strange decisions for someone who desperately wants to live.

And yes, I realize I speak blasphemy given that Tom Riddle’s entire m.o. is supposed to be his crippling fear of death.

Oh man, this one’s going to be so long.

So, my reasoning comes down to a few things:

The location of the horcruxes and the nature of their protections.

The events of Deathly Hallows and Tom’s final actions in the novel

The nature of horcruxes and what it means to not only be able to create one but what it does to you (caveat that I am going to headcanon hard here and speak utter blasphemy)

So, let’s start in order this time, because I think the first two are actually far easier for me to explain.

The Location and Nature of the Horcrux Protections and the Trouble with Backdoors in Security

So, first, the horcruxes are all conveniently located in Great Britain. Not even just in Great Britain, all in places that Albus Dumbledore and later Harry Potter can track down with relative ease, all fairly close to each other.

Now, part of this is undoubtedly attributable to Tom’s overly romantic nature. 

Yes, Tom Riddle is a giant romantic, though not necessarily in the traditional sense everyone thinks of. The film “Patton” and its treatment of Patton comes to mind. Tom Riddle is a man enamored by a sense of greatness, of being remembered in this world rather than fading into oblivion, by the significance of places and times in history not only of the world but of himself. He creates an entire, grand, persona for himself because to live an ordinary life for him is to be worthy of nothing.

So, given that, of course Tom places the horcruxes in sentimental locations that have personal meaning to him.

However, it also makes them perilously easy to find and collect.

By itself, this wouldn’t spark my notice.

The ability to destroy horcruxes are not easy to come by. There’s only one basilisk and it’s by chance/Lucius fucking up that Harry gains access to the necessary basilisk venom. Using Fyendfire is an incredibly dangerous thing to do and just as likely to blow up you and the next three towns over as it is to destroy a horcrux. And if there are other means of destroying a horcrux they’re just as hard to come by or just as dangerous.

It’s not quite throwing it into the fires of Mt. Doom from which it was forged but it’s pretty damn close.

So, really, without JKR’s convenient Deus Ex Machina giving both him and Dumbledore the means to actually destroy these things, Tom Riddle’s horcruxes are pretty damn safe no matter where we put them. As we see from the locket, which Regulus manages to collect but Kreacher cannot destroy even after several decades.

However, what does spark my notice, is that the horcruxes can be collected by someone other than Tom Riddle when it appears as if they were never intended to be. What do I mean by this?

From what we see, there’s no benefit to Tom if the original horcruxes are found by anyone. He doesn’t seek them out to restore his original body, they’re just anchor points that should be hidden at all costs. So, he’ll never need a Death Eater to go collect them for him should he be indisposed (indeed, to do so would require a tremendous amount of trust in people he has very little trust in). 

So, why hide them in such a way that others can access them? There are canon based options which would have prevented anyone else from reaching them. Given the existence of age lines, I imagine Tom Riddle could make some arbitrary barrier keyed only to himself. There are mokeskin pouches, such as the one Harry is given in the seventh book, which we know can only be accessed by whoever they’re keyed to. There’s the Fidelius Charm which, true requires a secret keeper which Tom would be very meh on, but options exist.

Tom Riddle could wipe the locations of his horcruxes off the face of the map. He chooses not to. Which leads me to believe that, at least on some unconscious level, he wants the horcruxes to be found.

Then we have the protections.

Specifically, I’m thinking of the locket here.

Yes, the protections are very formidable, but they’re also goddamn weird. 

Rather than make the horcrux simply inaccessible, kill all those intruding, instead the intruder has to go through a very “Saw” like puzzle in which they drown themselves in despair until they finally get the locket, at which point they likely suicide by zombie.

More, there’s no hint that there’s any other way to retrieve the locket. 

Backdoors in security are a very bad idea. What they do is weaken the security as a whole and, if you can take a short cut is, it means that someone who is clever enough and motivated enough can to. Dumbledore is both clever and motivated enough, and I imagine if there was a way to get the horcrux that involved not doing this ridiculous task he would have done it.

More, we’d be back to the land of Tom making sure only he can access the horcrux by requiring a password, keying it to his magical signature, or something so that no one else could get it.

Which means, that’s right, if Tom wants to get the locket he’s drinking the goddamn despair juice just like the rest of us.

What kind of a person would do any of this?

I’ve gone over this before, but I don’t think Tom Riddle’s crazy. Rather, in this case, I think he’s driven by an unbelievable amount of nihilist rage and is also quite depressed.

Tom goes to collect his horcrux, “Ah, it’s time to remember what a miserable life I’ve led and the sheer awfulness of my own existence. Good, I was starting to feel a little too happy. Let’s see if I get eaten by my undead, vengeful, victims today.” 

The Events of Deathly Hallows and Tom Riddle’s Death

I think Tom Riddle’s final death in the books was suicide.

Tom takes over the Wizarding World, finally, and it’s as miserable as ever.

He’s trapped in this sham, barely functional, probably very painful body. His Death Eaters are completely out of control and for all that he wanted society to burn it’s now burning and no one’s even learned anything from this. Children in Hogwarts are being routinely tortured and have now staged a rebellion in which he’s having to slaughter them (I have reasons to believe that this is not what Tom Riddle wanted, at all, but that’s best saved for another post), and then he learns his horcruxes have all been destroyed without him even noticing.

There’s so little left of him, he has accomplished nothing, and there’s Harry Potter back from the dead yet again, gloating at him that love conquers all and Tom Riddle will never understand.

And Harry’s right, Tom Riddle will never understand, the world is meaningless and flat to him now and he finally understand that there’s no point to it. I think Tom Riddle decides he’s done. He’s just done.

He enters in a duel with Harry Potter knowing the weird nature of their wands. Now, it can be assumed he used the Elder Wand, but we know they get locked in Priori Incatatum , and that makes no damn sense with the Elder Wand (well, wandlore in general is silly, but I’m working with what JKR gave me here). So I choose to take JKR at her somewhat established canon and say that, no matter what Harry thought, Voldemort was using his original wand.

He throws out the killing curse, despite having now witnessed Harry resurrecting twice to this thing, and within two seconds it rebounds and kills him.

Voldemort’s death is a lot like this scene from the recent, terrible, 2020 live action Mulan (10/10 do not recommend).  Now, we’re supposed to think that this scene is the witch saving Mulan’s life and thus showing her hope for the next generation. In actuality, the witch literally flies into an arrow she could have easily deflected from Mulan’s path. It’s a suicide that Mulan is too stupid to notice.

Tom chooses suicide in the most ridiculous, flamboyant, and easily written off manner one can and no one even notices. Instead Harry crows that he has personally defeated Voldemort, with the power of love no less, HUZZAH!

And the castle parties.

The Nature of Horcruxes

I almost don’t want to include this because it’s so... well, I’m really drifting far from canon and fandom now.

However, with horcruxes, there’s always an overriding question of why Tom is able to make so many when we don’t see anyone else with these things around (especially as it’s clear that murder doesn’t simply happen for those that now have horcruxes).

Usually, you have fic authors just sort of shrug and go, “Well, he’s that evil, I guess.” Sometimes you have them go, “No one else is crazy enough to keep going, and that’s why Voldemort’s cuckoo bananas.” 

One very good explanation I’ve seen is that it’s because most people, when they murder, feel remorse immediately. The soul split happens, but they’re haunted by the murder for the rest of their life, and thus the horcrux isn’t made. Voldemort, feeling nothing when he kills anyone, is thus able to make them even for when he’s only indirectly associated with the death in question.

However, to me that never really jived philosophically.

Mostly, I simply cannot imagine that tearing apart your very soul is an act of indifference. Here’s how I see it: to do something like that to yourself, you must care, you must care beyond all imagine and human endurance. Your soul literally cannot abide it and saws itself in half, purging what you cannot stand about yourself the most. 

The remorse part is, yes, remorse for the act and the victim but more to the point it is the ability to forgive and reaccept the worst part of yourself. That part of yourself that you purged and destroyed, which is nearly impossible to do and might very well destroy the fabric of who you are). 

In other words, while creating a horcrux is an abominable act of hatred, it is also one of profound self-hatred.

Tom Riddle loathes himself so much that he is able to do this over and over and over again. 

As Tom Riddle goes on he makes himself into less and less and less of himself until he probably doesn’t even know who he is anymore. He just knows, whatever is left of him, he loathes that too. 

And then, of course, he gives up, runs into the nearest flying arrow, and dies.

TL;DR: Tom Riddle’s is a miserable existence that ended in a miserable if unintentionally hilarious manner