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Kinktober 9: CONTENTS UNDER PRESSURE
Massively Milky 🥛 / Euphoria 💖 (Using the Kinktober by wonderful @fatguarddog)
Length: 2673 words
Tags: lactation, lesbians, belly expansion, bloating, weight gain, rapid weight gain, hot ladies in pencil skirts, inexplicable levels of lactation, some mild intox
Hannah was just finishing up the mopping in the first public bathroom when she heard a loud yelp of pain from the other one. Hannah thought this was a bit unusual. She’d been a janitor for this building for a good long while, before the new company even moved in. Working the night shift and cleaning up was honestly a lot more relaxing than it was with the previous corporation that used the place as an office. The new folks - VitaTech - had cordoned off a few areas as “laboratory sections” which she didn’t have access to and didn’t have to clean, which meant less work for her for better pay. Occasionally, someone would stay after hours to finish up some paperwork, but hearing a sudden and pained yell from a bathroom was certainly new. She moved her cart with a little more haste than normal.
When she walked in, she saw a woman standing at the far end of the line of sinks. She was a petite, short girl in classic office lady attire: a pencil skirt and a white button-up. The button-up had been messed with slightly. Her collar was off and a few of the top buttons had been undone. She turned to look at Hannah while speaking on the phone.
“Ugh, listen,” she said, “I’ll- you don’t have to come back in. I’ll figure it out. Get an Uber or something. It’s my fault really. Yeah. See you tomorrow. Yeah, I’m putting it in the report. Bye.”
The office lady sighed.
“I’m sorry,” she said, turning to Hannah, “I’ll be out of your way.”
Her face looked red and flushed, and she was sweating. Hannah gave her a smile of concern.
“You sure? You sounded like you were hurt there, and… you don’t look like you’re doing so hot, if I’m being honest. You can stay as long as you need, I’ve got the whole night to clean up.”
“Oh, that’s very kind of you,” said the woman. She started to fix her collar in the mirror. “Oh, yeah, I guess I am kinda sweating a lot.”
Hannah leaned on her cart.
“If I can ask… what’s the matter?”
“You know what they do here… it’s embarrassing, and it’s painful.”
“Ah, geez,” said Hannah. She knew that VitaTech were some sort of biotech company, but wasn’t exactly sure how that related to this poor girl’s issue. Maybe she had to do some heavy lifting in the lab? It was hard to say. She didn’t look like a person who had done much physical labor. Still, Hannah wasn’t really a woman to leave a girl in need.
“Hey,” she said, “If you need a lift to the pharmacy or whatever, I can totally give it.”
“It’s not really a pharmacy problem,” she said. She winced slightly as she moved.
“Hospital?”
“I don’t want the bill,” she said, “I just… sometimes working for this company is sort of ridiculous, okay? I don’t want to involve you if you aren’t down with it, it’s really like… weird to talk about.”
Hannah grinned lightly.
“What’s your name?”
“Cassie.”
“Cassie, I’ve spent the last three years cleaning up the vomit of middle-aged businessmen who liked to day drink. Seriously, you’d think you were watching Mad Men with how much liquor the guys in here were putting away before VitaTech came in. Whatever it is, I promise I won’t be fazed by it.”
This made the woman laugh a little.
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
“Fine,” she said, “If you’re really so curious, the problem is… I’m an accountant, but I’m also a tester for VitaTech. Whenever they’re workshopping a new product, it usually goes through someone like me first.”
“So, you like, have a condition or something?” Asked Hannah, “I mean, I know they make some kind of drugs here, I’ve seen the warning signs on the labs.”
“No, no,” she said, “The drugs they make are mostly recreational. At least I think.”
Hannah squinted at the sweating, ruddy-faced woman in front of her.
“Like MDMA?”
“No, let me get to it. They were… how do I put this. They’re testing a drug that’s supposed to induce lactation, and I quote ‘above and beyond the normal capacity for a human.’ Which is, the, uh, problem. Because they’ve yet to figure out the quirk where a user needs some degree of suction to get the milk out.”
“What?”
“And today I was super busy trying to handle the accounts because apparently we had an incident over at one of the subsidiaries - a happy accident really, it seems like we actually made a customer for life but still some stuff had to be handled involving minor costs and I had to work with some people on that. You know how it is. Anyways my point being that I was so busy that I totally forgot to go to the milking machine today.”
“What?” Repeated Hannah, still trying to process the first parts of what she had said. There was a very long and awkward silence.
“Yeah, I know, it’s weird,” said Hannah, “And kinda painful. Because they’re so tender.”
“You just said that you have so much milk in your breasts that it hurts because you’re an under the table-”
“I’m salaried.”
“A salaried test subject for lactation drugs. For recreational purposes.”
“Yep.”
There was a long, long silence as Hannah stared at Cassie, and Cassie stared at her, and as they stared longer and longer there was silently an acknowledgement of mutual attraction that made the scenario only more awkward. She was a pretty brunette, she was well-dressed, and she was talkative in a way that made Hannah want to smile. Now, she had informed her that it was in fact medically necessary for her nipples to be suckled because her breasts were so sore from being so full of milk. Though she had not known, Hannah suddenly felt as though her whole romantic life, from the crush she had on her art teacher in grade school to her disastrous attempts at wooing college girls to now, had been preparing her for the occasion when a cute femme absolutely needed, beyond a shadow of a doubt, to have her nipples sucked. The only remaining question was whether Cassie was thinking along the same lines, and how to approach it.
“So,” said Cassie first, “I guess I’m gonna be calling that Uber…”
“Uh,” said Hannah, “Well, I don’t have the keys for the labs, but, maybe we could figure something out to get you out of here without you being in pain.”
Cassie seemed to look down at Hannah’s nametag.
“Hannah - you’re Hannah, right?”
“Right.”
“I know what you’re thinking. They’re still trying to test if this stuff is just regular milk still. And also I have no idea how much is in there right now.”
The silence continued for a while, then Cassie sighed.
“But, if you insist, then…”
Cassie leaned up against the wall and slowly, and began to unbutton her shirt, revealing what looked like a slightly modified maternity bra. Hannah stepped forward slowly as she reached for the hooks on the bra.
“Oh, come on, I’m a woman, not a raccoon,” she said, “I’m not going to run away if you make a sudden move.”
Hannah laughed and walked the rest of the way to her, and helped her unhook her bra. Sure enough, her breasts were small, but as she moved they looked almost stiff with how full and engorged they were. Her areolae were wide and brown as if she were pregnant, and they were spotted with little white dots of milk. Cassie then sat herself down on the floor with another slight yelp. Hannah followed her.
“Do you have any idea how dirty these floors get?” Asked Hannah.
“No,” she said, “But I trust your work from last night. Now, get to work. And remember, no teeth.”
Hannah smiled and gently put her head to the girl’s chest, and then took her lips to a tit. At even a slight suction, milk began to spurt into her mouth, like a soda can that you shook before opening it. Hannah grunted in surprise and swallowed but didn’t let up; she was sure that at this rate she’d be dry in no time. Cassie sucked in some air, a noise somewhere between pain and arousal, and took one of her hands to Hannah’s head and brushed her fingers through her hair, then pushed her harder into her breast.
“Keep sucking,” she said, “Harder.”
Hannah of course obliged and kept to her work. Cassie’s milk was surprisingly sweet and rich. She had known that it would be different from the sort that you got at the store, of course, but even with that this was extremely abnormal. So she kept on suckling, and suckling and suckling on her nipple. Cassie was mostly silent except for an occasional muffled moan or deep breath in, though she kept her hand firmly on Hannah’s head so that she couldn’t stop drinking.
Not that she would want to stop. As she drank, she felt increasingly warm and bloated and yet there was no sign of Cassie’s milk stopping. In fact, she could feel herself getting a heavier belly with each passing moment from the sheer mass of milk that she was swallowing, which felt plainly impossible. Faintly, she became aware of the sound of the zipper on her uniform slowly pushing itself downward from the growing size of her own gut. Hannah felt like she should have been a little distressed by that, but she felt so warm and happy from all the milk that it was a little hard for her to feel anything other than nice. The feeling was almost like being drunk, if only a little milder.
Eventually, slowly, she felt the milk coming from Cassie’s tit slow down and then practically stop. When she pulled away and looked down, she was astonished to see how bloated her belly was. Her uniform had pulled down to the point where she could see the white tee-shirt that she was wearing underneath, and her gut was so full that it looked like she was six months pregnant. Cassie seemed entirely undisturbed by this. She reached up and grabbed her handbag from the place where she left it on the sinks, and then pulled out her phone.
“Might as well get some work done,” she said, “Are you feeling alright?”
“I feel great,” Hannah said woozily, “Oh wow. This, uh milk. Kinda making me like… a mix of horny and… happy? Like drunk happy. Couple of beers happy.”
“Ooh, that’s new,” said Cassie, “Your belly doesn’t hurt or anything?”
Hannah shook her head.
“Feels great!”
“Okay, I’m putting down elasticity and some mild intoxicatory effects in the notes… there. Done.”
She put her phone back away, and then looked at Hannah again.
“Do you think you’re done? I’ve got two tits, Hannah.”
“Oh, yeah!” Said Hannah eagerly, “Your milk is also really tast-”
Her compliments were cut off by Cassie pushing Hannah’s head into her other tit. Almost automatically her lips latched onto her nipple and began to suck. She felt increasingly adoring of Cassie and her tits that were giving her so much to drink. Her head felt like it was floating and she felt a shock through her body every time Cassie moaned again. Increasingly, the moans went away from pain and towards a pure and animal arousal.
“Good girl,” said Cassie, “Good, good, keep at it.”
Now whatever effect the milk was having on her was truly hitting her. Her urge to giggle was only overwhelmed by her ever-growing love of sucking on tits, and of Cassie. She felt like she was floating even as she felt that her gut was getting heavier and heavier, and getting perilously close to the ground. The zipper on her jumpsuit was almost certainly reaching the bottom now, and she could feel the cool air on her belly as her shirt rode up over her bloated belly. And then, just as with the first one, she ran out of milk to drink. This time, Cassie had to gently dislodge her from her breast. Hannah flopped backwards and rested on the back wall, giggling and sighing.
“Hahaha,” she said, “No more milk! Job done!”
“Thank you very much,” said Cassie, “Are you… alright?”
“Oh I’m fine,” she said, slurring her words, “Super. Oh my God. Do you see my belly?”
“Yeeeep,” said Cassie, “They did say one of the side-effects could be pressurized lactation. Looks like you got the brunt of it.”
Hannah tried to touch her tender, full belly and groaned. It sloshed slightly with milk as she moved it.
“Aw, man, this is so much,” she said, “I guess it’s good that I’m bulking. Oh well, time to finish my… rounds and stuff.”
She tried to stand and almost immediately fell off balance, barely able to keep herself from falling over. Cassie caught her and helped her up, smiling gently.
“Woah, there,” she said, “Looks like you can’t really balance yourself. I’m gonna- how about this. I’m sure our bosses will understand that what you did tonight was really nice.”
“Nice…?”
“Yeah,” said Cassie, “You’re basically a superhero for this. You don’t need to worry about mopping the rest of the floor.”
Cassie began to fix her own clothes, putting herself back together.
“I’m good to drive now. You clearly aren’t in any state to do so,” she said, “How about we go back to my place… sober you up, lack of a better term, and we’ll explain ourselves tomorrow?”
That sounded just wonderful to Hannah. She nodded vigorously, and followed Cassie out of the office on tottering legs.
***
Hannah woke up with a headache and a strange feeling of softness. She groaned and fumbled around on an unfamiliar bed, trying to remember what had happened the previous night. She had definitely met a very nice woman named Cassie. That woman had… had some drinks with her after work? That part wasn’t clear. She remembered feeling kind of drunk, but not drinking anything with alcohol in it. Then they went over to Cassie’s place. She definitely saw Cassie’s tits at some point, she was definitely sure of that, and they were very pretty. As she opened her eyes to the faint light, she saw Cassie next to her, already up, wearing sweatpants and a sports bra.
“What happened last night?” Muttered Hannah.
“Do you remember the milk?”
Hannah was suddenly hit with the rest of the memories of what had happened, though there was still a large blank for what happened after she left work. She had gotten inexplicably drunk and ridiculously full on another woman’s milk, and then gone home with her, and then.
“Oh fuck,” she said, “Did we have sex?”
“No,” said Cassie, “Well, unless you consider vigorous nursing and you continually pawing at me throughout the night for more milk to be sex. Also, you’re fat now.”
“What?”
Hannah suddenly sat up in bed and nearly screamed. Just as inexplicable as Cassie’s tits was her own overnight transformation. Her thighs were thicker, and so were her arms, now heavy with plush fat. Her breasts had likewise gotten a big leg up, now sagging onto the most changed part of her body. Gone were the abs that had taken so much hard work. Now, she had a large, soft apron of fat that spilled over her waist. After taking it in for a moment, she laid back and groaned.
“That’s going to take forever to work off at that gym,” Hannah said.
“Oh, don’t worry,” said Cassie, “I’ll take you to the researchers, they’ll get you back in shape in no time.”
Cassie paused and looked at her, and then slowly began to take off her bra.
“But before we go… I think I’m full again. Mind if you help?”
Hannah rolled her eyes, and then gladly aided a woman in need once more.
#rwg#wg#lactation#belly expansion#i'm not as inspired by all of the prompts so I am doing them sort of piecemeal#kinktober 2024#hope that isn't annoying or anything#intox
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Bat Your Eyes
Pairing: Eddie Munson x Reader
Summary: you got to Corroded Coffins show with Steve and Robin hoping to get the chance to see Eddie after so long without.
Word Count: 1705
Eddie Masterlist
Eddie’s dream has been to be a rockstar since he first picked up a guitar. You’ve known that since you’ve known him and you’ve always had nothing but support for him. So when the band finally got big you were so insanely happy and excited for him and even though it ended up meaning the two of you became distant and eventually stopped talking to each other you still had nothing but support to show for him.
So as soon as it was announced that Corroded Coffin was going to be playing in Indianapolis you immediately bought tickets and booked a hotel. You didn’t even ask Robin if she wanted to go with you until a week later even though you already got a second and third ticket. You knew she’d say yes and ask if Steve could come too.
Steve drove all of you down the morning before the concert so you could check into the hotel and eat something before getting ready for it and leaving. Robin thought the two of you were ridiculous for wanting to get ready so early but then Steve started to take twenty minutes on just his hair. She had just dressed that morning in what she was going to wear which were just her regular clothes but with her jean jacket that has a Corroded Coffin patch on the back of it.
“So, do you guys think we’re gonna like actually see him tonight? Because that’ll be cool, we haven’t seen Eddie since the last time he visited Hawkins to see Wayne.” You really weren’t sure but nerves were racking your stomach at the thought of it.
You saw Eddie even less recently than Steve and Robin have. And the two of you have had a more complicated relationship than he had with the others. The two of you were constantly on and off dating or just being friends with benefits and you were on when he first left with the band. It broke your heart to break it off with him but he’d wanted this for so long and you wanted him to have the full experience with groupies and everything without having to worry about you.
“I think we have a good chance.” Steve speaks, not looking away from where he’s fixing his hair in the mirror. “We’re getting there early enough that we should catch them as they’re heading inside.”
“Yeah, but aren’t there going to be like a million fans doing the same thing and trying to get their attention.”
“Yeah but we have Y/n and they don’t.” He points your way with his comb making you freeze where you’re finishing applying your makeup.
“What does that mean?”
“You just have to bat your eyes his way and he’ll be tripping over himself to get to you and in relation us.”
“I don’t think that’s true.” You can’t stop the scoff that comes out of your mouth as you speak.
“Of course it is! Everyone knows about the two of your history and he’s always talking or asking about you when we see him.”
“He talks about me?” Robin either doesn’t hear you or doesn’t want to acknowledge it because she keeps talking.
“And look at you, you’re a total babe! Especially tonight. As long as he gets a glimpse of you he’ll be heading our way in no time.” You look down at your outfit. As you take in the skin tight faux leather miniskirt, ripped fishnets, and black lace corset top you have to admit Robin does sort of have a point. You’re still hung up on the fact that he talks about you still.
“Robins right, we’re definitely seeing Eddie tonight.” Steve finally finishes his hair and turns to take in your appearance as well. “Are we all ready to go?”
“We’ve been ready dingus, you took too long.”
You all got to the venue way too early but you weren’t the only ones with this idea there was still a small crowd when you arrived. But you were still able to get a spot in the front so you’d all be in Eddie’s line of sight when he got there. The three of you wait there for an hour and a half before the band's car pulls up for them to get out and the fans start pushing and screaming.
Preshow jitters were something Eddie was used to having, he still couldn’t completely believe that he was here and the band made it. But the fact that this show is the first one they’ve been able to play anywhere close to Hawkins has him a little extra jittery. Sure he’s entertained the idea of seeing his friends tonight, that they’d make the trip to see him. But he entertained the idea that you would be there even more, so much so that his hopes are up and if he doesn’t see you tonight he’ll be straight on his way to Hawkins after the show.
The rest of the guys have been teasing him about it nonstop. But he knows that they hope you show up as much as he does. They got so used to you being around for shows and practices that being on tour and making music without you feels like a part of the band isn’t there.
Eddie loved you, he knows that, he’s known that for a while now. Since you broke it off with him before he left Hawkins and probably even before that. He understood why you did it but it broke his heart and he had a hard time for a while. He even stopped calling you so much because he couldn’t take hearing about flirty Hugh at the record store anymore. He missed you like crazy though always wishing you were around when he visited Wayne and then the gang. If you showed up tonight or not he was going to ask you to come with them the rest of the tour and get his girl back.
“Alright Eddie, what do you think, is she coming tonight?” Gareth asks right before the car stops. Other than Eddie he had been the closest with you. The fans' screams fill the car as Jeff opens the door to get out.
“I don’t know.” Gareth offers him a nod before following Jeff out of the car.
You aren’t screaming or jumping around the way everyone else in the crowd is. At least not until you see Gareth start getting closer to your spot, then you start yelling his name and waving your arms. Gareth was basically family to you, his own taking you in and giving you a place to stay when your mom and dad would leave you alone for weeks at a time. Even when you were old enough to watch over yourself you found yourself on their doorstep. Their home became yours at some point and you still go visit his parents every weekend.
As soon as he spots you a huge grin takes over his face and he starts ignoring everyone else around him to get to you.
“Y/n! You came!”
“Of course I did, I wouldn’t miss this for the world.” The fans who had been trying to get his attention turn away when Eddie finally gets out, wanting his instead. “How have all of you guys been?” Your eyes are on Eddie as he signs some things for fans.
“Good, we miss you. He misses you. Will you stick around after the show so the other guys can see you?”
“Yeah, of course.”
“I’ll see you then, enjoy the show!” Gareth squeezes your shoulder before turning and making his way to the door while Steve leans over to whisper in your ear.
“Here he comes, don’t forget to bat your eyes.” You laugh and shove him a little bit and Robin screams his name.
“Eddie! Over here!” Eddie hears Robin's voice screaming and smiles to himself in the middle of signing a picture. What causes his head to shoot up to look in the direction of his friends is the sound of your laughter. It’s a sound that he’d be able to recognize anywhere even though he hasn’t heard it in a while. He nearly stumbles when he spots you smiling because you’re smiling at him. He makes his way over to the three of you as quickly as he can without ignoring every fan on the way.
“Hey guys, Y/n.” He smiles at you as he comes to a stop.
“Hey Eds.” You grab the marker you made Steve bring from his pocket before handing it out to Eddie. “Wanna sign my tits for old times sake?”
Back when the band was still just playing at the hideout Eddie used to practice how he would sign things. He’d sign pieces of paper, magazines, a photo or two that you would give him for you to keep when they blew up. And then during one of the times the two of you were dating you decided he should start practicing signing tits, so he would practice on yours.
“For you Princess? Anything.” He takes the marker from your hands and ducks down writing ‘Property of Eddie Munson’ on them. Robin and Steve look at each other mouths agape because they did not know you had this planned. “Meet me backstage after the show for old times sake?”
“Course, Gareth already asked me to stick around afterwards.”
“Seal it with a kiss?” You nod at his words, biting your bottom lip. Eddie lets out a quiet groan as he snakes his hand around the back of your neck and brings your face to his own. He makes it a point to tell you and all the fans watching the interaction that you’re still his girl through the kiss. “See you later Sweetheart.” And then he runs into the building knowing the guys are waiting for him inside.
“See, what did I tell you? You batted your eyes and now we’re seeing him backstage to catch up.”
“Steve, I think Eddie wants to do a little more than catch up with our girl here.” You’d laugh at that if you still weren’t so breathless from the kiss.
Eddie Taglist(Closed): @sadbitchfangirl @notbeforelong @munsonswhore86 @navs-bhat @emotionaldreamer @magicalchocolatecheesecake @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @fangirling-4-ever @gaysludge @audhd-dragonaut @eddiethesexy @mazerunnerrose @tvserie-s-world @midnightsgetawaycar @goldylions @venomsvl @eddie-swhore @haileighboi @sharnnnnnn @spacedoutdaydreamer @livslifeonline @phantomxoxo @mushroomelephant @hb8301 @ginnupp @saramelaniemoon @kaylshunter @nojamsonmytoast @vintagehellfire @esoltis280 @cole22ann @spikedhe4rt @let-love-bleeds-red @siriuslysmoking @ladybug0095 @toobsessedsstuff @3rriberri @alana4610 @gretavanfleas @ficlibrary420 @literally-a-ferret @sparkletash @herejustforjj @aactuaaltraash @gloryekaterina @frogsdeservelovetoo @quixscentsposts @wormm-mom @eddiemuns0nl0ver
Everything Taglist: @bejeweledmastermind @matchamunson @bubsonnobx @practicalghost @katsukis1wife @crustyowos @yourfavdummy @protecteddiemunson4vr
#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson imagine#eddie munson fanfic#eddie munson x y/n#eddie munson fanfiction#eddie munson x you#eddie x reader#rockstar!eddie#rockstar!eddie munson x reader#eddie munson#eddie munson stranger things#starnger things#stranger things imagine#stranger things x reader
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A Past Encounter - Bucky Barnes x reader (nsfw)
Summary: Being in a relationship with Bucky, Y/N prided herself on knowing him quite well but when she’s accidentally teleported back to 1940, Y/N discovers that there is a whole other Bucky that she has yet to meet. The sweet flirt that had everything going for him before his unfortunate capture by HYDRA.
Word Count: 5800+
Warnings: modern Steve & Bucky, 40’s in general, 40’s Bucky & Steve, 40’s Bucky, small 40’s Steve, cursing, angst, crying, comfort, a bit of lying, real info on 1941 (I'll put a note at the bottom), fluff, night date, dancing, 40's music
a/n: not proofread. I highly recommend listening to the song below as you read this chapter or if you wait for a special part (you'll probably know when it happens) so it'll be even better! Though I'm sorry it's a link to a YouTube video, I don't have anything else to link to.
Since the author's note below is a little long I'm gonna tag people up here. Tagged - @honeyrydernot @spn-obession @tinyminxie @fluffybunnyu @saintmagx @hopelessromantic423 @marygoddessofmischief @theeleggymeggy @lethallyprotected
Commissions are available so don't forget to check that out!
Series Masterlist
Main Masterlist
youtube
Chapter Thirteen
The boom of door handles hitting the wall behind them made a resounding thunder throughout the large living room.
“Buck, come on…” Steve pleaded softly, hot on his heels.
“No! All that time, all that effort only for them to turn us down! They already had an answer, they were just jerking us around. What are we supposed to do?!” Bucky snapped back, nearly ripping off his black button up jacket then slamming it down onto the nearest couch. It was then that the rest of the team flitted in from outside.
Steve raised his hands in mock surrender, “For now, we need to stay focused on the problem at hand. Y/N is gone, stuck in 1941 and we need to bring her back.”
Bucky scoffed, “Were you not listening back there? I know that we have to get her back, but what can I do? They’ve made their decision. And if I push the issue, the past that I’ve tried so hard to leave behind will come back and punish me the way I deserve.”
“You don’t deserve to be punished, not then, not now. Whatever happens, you are not alone and we’ll fix this. And we’ll keep trying, until she’s home.” Steve reassured him, standing strong before his friend as a pillar of support.
The others who were silently listening from the kitchen, finally spoke to each other. “I know that Steve says we need to keep trying but if the court turned us down once, it’s not very likely that they will agree if we try it again.” Natasha reasoned sadly, arms crossed over her chest.
“I don’t think they’d agree to another hearing anyway.” Sam admitted as he sat down at the nearby kitchen counter, his face sporting a deep frown.
Bucky, who resided to sitting on the couch, leaving Steve to face his back, sat quietly with eyes dark as the gray clouded sky outside with the beginnings of a heavy rain. He could hear the distant thunder making its way over the compound, and for a moment related to the chaotic weather separated by a layer of plaster and glass.
________
It’s been a few days since Y/N came to the realization that she wasn’t going anywhere.
When Y/N had returned to the apartment later that evening, she saw the look of immediate worry on Bucky and Steve’s faces. And when she only gave one word answers to their concerned questions, it was obvious to them something was wrong and she didn’t want to talk about it.
Neither one of them prodded her for the truth. Not at first. Instead the two left her be to sort out whatever was going on in her head. They figured, maybe in a day or two she’d be okay and things would go back to normal. But they didn’t.
In fact, she seemed to be doing worse with each passing day. Her lackluster attitude demonstrated that this was more than a mere tiff, so as much as he didn’t want to tip over the apple cart, Bucky decided to confront her.
He sat at the dining table, fidgeting with his thumbs as he looked up to Steve who simply leaned against the kitchen counter, hands dipped into his pockets. The two kept staring at each other until Steve silently motioned toward Y/N with a jerk of his head before looking back to Bucky.
Bucky mouthed a fine, then stood up from the table to where Y/N stood beside the couch, folding laundry.
“Hey Y/N?”
Without looking, Y/N simply hummed in response.
“Uh..How’re you doing?”
She stopped in the middle of folding a towel, the fabric pressed against her torso as she was attempting to line up the edges. “I’m fine.”
Bucky anxiously turned to Steve who shook his head at Y/N’s answer. The brunette took a deep breath in preparation. “Are you sure?”
Finishing folding the towel in her arms, Y/N scoffed. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Of course it matters.” Bucky rebuked, caught off guard by the sudden deprecating statement.
Tossing the towel onto the coffee table with the others, Y/N half haphazardly ripped another one out of the laundry basket to fold. “No, it doesn’t. Besides, what's the point? I mean we all know I’m not supposed to be here in the first place and the last thing I need to do is throw my baggage onto people who don’t deserve it; least of all you two.”
She began to frantically ramble, hands now trembling with anxiety that started to soak into her nerves, breathes coming in heavier and thicker almost like she forgot how to breathe.
Bucky, growing up with a mother, knew the tall-tell signs of when a woman was on the cusp of a breakdown so like he’d seen his father do, he grasped both of her arms and gently turned her to face him. “Hey, hey now…”
At first, Y/N tried to resist the way he guided her to him but under his warm hands, she found it difficult to shake off the familiar sensation especially when he was touching her so softly. The moment she turned all the way around, her eyes immediately dipped to stare at his collar rather than his eyes for fear he would see the tears caused by her despair and his tenderness.
“Look at me, Y/N. Please.” He whispered between the two of them.
Albeit hesitant, she looked up at him and her heart stuttered with grief at the affection swimming in his eyes. It was a familiar expression, one she’s seen on a multitude of occasions and seeing it here, now, made the beginnings of a sob rush up her already aching throat.
“Oh doll…Come here.” Bucky brought her into a hug without any objection, letting her stuff her face into his shirt as she cried.
Steve took a few steps forward out of sympathy, eventually coming to stand just a few feet from his friends. His eyes raked over Y/N’s buried face then to Bucky who offered a tight lipped smile with no joy behind it.
Bucky, keeping one hand on Y/N’s lower back, used his other one to rub comfortingly up and down the expanse of her back. He continued this action as Y/N sobbed in his shirt, clutching the fabric into her palms to anchor herself to him. Not that he minded, whatever she needed, he’d do it for her.
Minutes upon minutes stacked up until her wrenching sobs turned to soft whimpers and her tears were starting to dry onto the supple skin of her cheeks. Bucky took the chance to speak again.
“What’s wrong, doll?”
He gave her all the time she needed to respond when she pulled away from his chest, eyes feeling heavy and swollen. Bucky peered down at her, finger coming up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.
“Do you…remember when I said I was just visiting New York?” She finally spoke. Both the boys nodded.
She sighed, “Well that wasn’t exactly the truth.”
“What do you mean?” Bucky asked, urging her to continue.
“The truth is that…I was forced to leave my home.”
Steve shifted uncomfortably in his spot as her words sank in. “Someone made you leave?”
Y/N’s eyes glanced over to Steve who mirrored Bucky’s confusion. She nodded to him.
“Who?” Both Steve and Bucky questioned.
Y/N genuinely thought about what she was going to say because the man who was responsible for her being here would require the explanation that she was from a different time where she already knew them two, and they were Avengers fighting superhumans and aliens on occasion. In her opinion it’d be best that they didn’t know the truth, not the whole truth anyway, since they most certainly would think she’d lost her mind.
After giving it some thought, she said what came to mind. “There was this man, causing problems for my…family so I confronted him. Me confronting him led to a lot of grief and in not so many words, it became obvious if I didn’t leave then my family wouldn’t be safe.”
She inwardly cringed as each word left her mouth, wishing she could pull them back and swallow them down silently. It was a lie, no matter the double meaning those words had for her, it wasn’t the truth.
Though they seemed to believe her rightly enough as the boys nodded.
“So you can’t go back?” Steve asked somewhat rhetorically, but left the open air quiet in case she wanted to say anything else.
All Y/N did was shake her head in a distinct no.
“Listen to me,” Bucky started, hands sliding across her upper arms in a gesture of reassurance. “Like we’ve said, you can stay with us as long as you need. No one's gonna rush you out or give you a time limit. Whatever you need, whoever you need to talk to; we’ll be here. The both of us.”
Steve nodded in agreement, offering Y/N a comforting pat to her shoulder and a smile. She glanced between the two of them, flashing a teary smile of her own. “I know and thank you. Very much.”
“Look, how about you go take a little nap, while Steve and I finish up the chores. It seems you could use some rest, maybe you’ll feel better.” Bucky kindly suggested, thumbs running over her clothed skin.
“Yeah…” She breathed softly, “That sounds nice.”
Bucky led her through the threshold of his bedroom, walking the length of the floor to the bed then pulled back his comforter to hold it open as Y/N tucked herself under the fabric. Once she got into a comfortable position, Bucky bid her a good rest then stepped back into the living room while he closed the bedroom door.
Now it was only him and Steve.
“Do you think that maybe she was holding something back?” Steve abruptly asked in the now peaceful living room.
Bucky wiped a hand over his face and sighed. “Yeah, but if she doesn’t want to get into it then who are we to prod any further?”
There was an obvious answer and the two of them already knew it.
“I know.” Steve whispered to himself, wandering over to the couch and plopping down onto the cushions.
“I just wish there was something that would maybe make her feel better. Get her mind off of it all.” Bucky admitted, sitting down next to Steve, leaning back completely.
Steve sat up straight, elbows resting on his knees as he stared at the rug below, thinking, contemplating. “Well, there’s this new movie that came out a few weeks ago, we could go see it tonight.”
Bucky raised his brows in curiosity. “A movie.” He repeated, tongue clicking in thought. “That could be fun. What’s the movie called?”
“It’s called ‘Blossoms in the Dust,’ I think. I don’t remember what it’s about, but apparently it’s good.”
“Well there’s no harm in checking it out, then afterwards we could go out to dinner. Not sure I want to cook tonight anyway.”
“Y/N’s been the one doing the most cooking so you wouldn’t be anyway.” Steve scoffed as he stood up from the couch heading back to the kitchen.
Bucky smirked, “Shut it, you punk.”
________
Surprisingly, Y/N awoke feeling rejuvenated, blinking the sleep away from her eyes.
She stared off into the distance for a moment before her brain caught up with her. She sat up, partially pushing the blanket off her torso to look outside. It was obviously night now, the lights from the other buildings surrounding the apartment in full bloom at this time.
How long had she been asleep?
A few seconds passed then she pulled the blanket off her completely, stepping onto the hardwood floor that creaked under her weight.
Upon opening the bedroom door, the sound of smooth, lyric-less jazz resounded throughout the living room while Steve and Bucky sat at the coffee table playing cards.
Steve laid down a card which caused Bucky to mutter out a slight curse then pick up another from the deck sitting patiently in the middle of the table.
Y/N hummed a quiet laugh but it was just loud enough for them to hear as Bucky looked over. His annoyed expression softened into an endearing one.
“Hey there, you feeling a little better?” He asked, cards forgotten in his hand.
Steve looked up and over as well, a familiar friendly posture as he too wondered if she was okay.
Y/N nodded as she took several steps forward until she was standing next to Bucky, hand instinctively settling on his chair. “Yeah, I feel much better. Thank you.”
“I’m glad.” Bucky smiled, keeping his eyes on Y/N before switching over to Steve briefly. “Hey, can I run an idea by you? I think you might like it.”
Caught off guard by the abrupt inquisition, Y/N simply stared at him. “Sure.”
“Steve and I were talking earlier, and we thought it’d be fun if we went out to a movie tonight, get some dinner afterwards. What do you think?” Bucky asked as he looked up at her expectantly.
Y/N gaped down at him, not anticipating the suggestion. Honestly, the idea of seeing a film in this day and age somehow hadn’t crossed her mind. She’s been so focused on trying to leave that the concept of just having fun… escaped her.
“Uh..Which movie?”
Bucky shared a smile with Steve as they looked at each other. “Well it’s called.. uh..” He trailed off then Steve filled in the blank.
“Blossoms in the Dust.”
“Yeah, yeah, right. Apparently, it came out a few weeks ago and Steve said it was good.” Bucky gestured to Steve before he quickly retorted,
“I said I heard it was good, I haven’t seen it yet.”
“Well whatever…” Bucky brushed him off. “So what do you say?”
There was a calming pause, her lips upturning into a delighted grin not only from their antics but the idea of going out. “That sounds great.”
Quickly, Bucky stood up with an invigorated attitude. “Alright, well let’s head down and check out what times they’re playing.”
“Okay, let me get freshened up a bit and then we can head out.” Y/N said, walking away to the bathroom to fix up her hair and straightening out her crumpled clothes from her nap.
The boys did their own version of freshening up which meant combing their hair, throwing on a jacket with a hint of earthy cologne.
Once Y/N stepped out from the bathroom, they headed on their way.
Soon they were out on the street, walking down the sidewalk with lots of other people doing the same; arm in arm, perhaps to see a movie as well.
“Wait, we’re not taking your car?” Y/N asked, coming to stand beside Bucky with Steve on the other side of them.
Bucky beamed down at her, “Not tonight. I thought we should take our time…enjoy the night.”
When she looked up, there laid the gleams of affection swimming slowly, rising from the depths of friendliness to a realm of intimacy. Y/N wondered if it was real or maybe she was fooling herself, trying to grasp at anything that could make her feel at home in the middle of an ocean’s storm carrying her adrift.
Nevertheless, she brought her arm to link with his, shyly tucking herself the slightest bit to his side. “That sounds lovely.”
With no more words exchanged, Bucky simply held her hand with his free one against him as the trio soon came across the local theater. It was a bright exciting building with fluorescent like lights outlining a billboard with several movie titles running across the sign. Y/N couldn’t help but to marvel at the archaic looking structure, a strange wave of nostalgia hitting her with the sensation of fluttering butterflies in her stomach in the face of a new adventure happening simultaneously.
They followed the mass of people filtering inside the theater, immediately smelling the salty popcorn lingering in the air. A couple of concessions stand off to the left side of the room and a large staircase leading upwards onto another level which had two sets of doors on both ends; one side of the stairs people walking up and the other people walking down. The carpet was a deep red with an albeit gaudy pattern, and plush as Y/N stepped across it with the boys standing with her.
Once again she took a moment to memorize the intricacies of everything little detail the theater had to offer; from the carpeted floor to the towering ceiling, she admired it all.
Without realizing it until he spoke, Bucky had already pulled her with him to the nearby concession stand. There was a young woman about their age, who smiled at them as they approached. “What can I do for you?”
Steve, pulling out his wallet, briefly smiled at the woman, “Hello, can I get three tickets for the next showing of ‘Blossoms in the Dust’?”
The woman began to look through what appeared to be a small ledger filled with the titles of movies and their runtimes. She dragged her finger down to find the name, then across for the time. “Looks like the next show is in fifteen minutes in theater 4, just up those stairs behind you. Will that be okay with you?”
“Yes, that will be fine.”
Soon after, the lady pulled out three paper tickets, pulling them apart from the pre-cut dotted line and setting them down onto the counter. “That’ll be 0.75¢.”
Steve pulled out three quarters and politely placed them in the lady’s palm who brought her hand up upon seeing him take out the coins. She pressed a rather large bulky button on the cash register, not bothered by the loud clunking sound it made as the bottom tray shot open only stopped by her close torso. “Would you like any refreshments?”
“Uh yes, please.” Bucky instead answered, stepping forward causing Y/N to pull her arm away from his to let him take out his own wallet. “Can we get a popcorn bag for each of us, and three drinks too please?”
“Of course. That’ll be…” The woman continued punching away at numbers on the register until it made a ding sound. “$3.00.”
Bucky quirked a brow at the price, shaking his head a bit but said nothing as he handed the woman three one dollar bills. Again she opened the register before turning away to fetch their food and drinks.
Soon the trio were making their way up the red stairs, and through a set of double doors. Notably, the auditorium was nearly packed, men, women, and children filling the rows of seats with very to pick from. Leaving the three standing by the doors for a few moments when Bucky pointed over toward the far right side of the room, conveniently three seats left open just for them. While walking past the lot of people somewhat loudly talking amongst each other, Y/N would glance up every now and then, catching glimpses of ads for new products and cartoons the like; all in black and white.
Once reaching their seats, Bucky stepped to the side to let Steve in first then gestured for Y/N to follow him and then finally sat down on the end, leaving Y/N sandwiched between the two men. They situated themselves, shifting every which way to get perfectly comfortable in the chairs, eventually sitting their popcorn in their laps to open their drinks.
Y/N noticed Bucky being able to twist the bottle cap of his coke with no problem while watching Steve struggle a bit as he twisted the cap a couple of times before getting it off. Finally, she reached down on her own to do the same and felt the cap’s ridged edges pinch at her skin. She quickly let go to find another angle to twist it but it still bit at her flesh.
“Ow…” She mumbled to herself, flicking her wrist back and forth a couple times.
“Here, let me..” Bucky said, already taking the glass bottle from her hand and quickly removed the cap. “There you go, wasn’t so hard.”
Y/N laughed at his quip. “Of course it wasn’t hard, I loosened it for you first.”
He appeared surprised by her playful retort but the surprise quickly vanished, replaced by fondness. “Well, thank you very much, ma’am. I don’t know how I could’ve managed it without you.”
“Cheers.” Y/N grinned, lifting her bottle towards him.
Bucky followed her motion, tapping his bottle against her’s with a noticeable clink. “Cheers.”
“Steve, cheers.” Y/N now turned her bottle towards Steve’s who happily cheered with her as well. “Now we all three do it at the same time.”
Steve laughed, sitting forward in his seat to get a better reach with Bucky who sat to Y/N’s left. “Cheers.”
“Cheers.” Bucky and Y/N said at the same time then clanking all three of their bottles together. The moment they had, the lights lining the theater dimmed almost completely and the very beginnings of the movie credits started to play.
Y/N spared one more glance to the two men, smiling to herself in silent gratitude before looking back to the projector screen while the grandiose music of the film filled the entire room with the promise of hopeful dreams and dramatic adventure.
Nearly two hours later, after the movie reached its inevitable end, Bucky, Y/N, and Steve found a nice little outside seating area at a local diner and discussed the movie they just watched.
“I think she got a bad wrap.” Bucky clearly stated, taking a bite of his hot dog since he’d wanted something other than a burger unlike Y/N and Steve.
“I think everything worked out the best it could have.” Steve admitted his own opinion on the matter, bringing his milkshake straw to his lips to drink from.
Y/N wiped the expanse of her mouth with the napkin she’d grabbed after getting her food. “Honestly, I felt bad for her. She lost her sister, then her husband, and the one kid who she really felt like a mother too. It’s kind of sad.”
“So you didn’t like it?” Bucky bluntly asked.
She laughed at the straightforwardness. “No, I liked it, I’m just saying that it was a little sad is all. Though I think Steve is right, despite everything she still chose to stay with all those orphans and gave them the home they never had.”
“Look, now…” Bucky took a quick sip of his soda. “I’m not saying that that isn’t nice, I simply think she should have gotten to stay with that one kid with the hurt leg.”
“Well I’m sorry, next time I’ll look into a happier movie.” Steve lamented playfully with a shrug of his hands.
Y/N, sitting next to Steve, squeezed his arm warmly. “Ah don’t worry about that, I liked what you chose tonight.”
“There’s supposed to be a cartoon about a flying elephant later this year, maybe we should see that. That’s probably more of a happy movie.” Bucky smirked watching Steve half heartedly glare at him.
Y/N’s brow furrowed in thought at the familiar description of the movie, but otherwise kept her conclusions to herself since she knew exactly what he mentioned and had in fact, already seen it.
“Oh!” Bucky abruptly said a bit louder than he intended, drawing a couple of eyes to himself. “Let’s go dancing.”
“Dancing?” Y/N repeated inquisitively.
Bucky nodded. “Yeah, dancing. I’ve seen a bunch of people pass by here, all dressed up and what not and I remembered I haven’t been dancing in a while. So I figured why not?”
Steve suddenly started to clam up, shrinking into himself in a way.
“How often do you go dancing exactly?” Y/N questioned, feeling a bit curious about the late night activity so many participated in from the old days.
“Usually I go a couple of times during the week, but Steve here doesn’t ever go.” Bucky called him out with all the manner of teasing.
Y/N pursed her lip outward as she thought about it before speaking. “Do you know how to dance?”
Steve nodded. “I do but there’s hasn’t been much reason to go, that and no woman will dance with me; I’m too skinny.”
His words caused her heart to sink. How could people be so blind to his kindness nor give him the time of day to show them his sincerity. The thought honestly made her kind of angry.
“I’ll dance with you.” She stated matter of factly, slightly amused when Steve jerked his head to meet her eyes.
“Oh, you…you don’t have to do that, really I can be a little clumsy.” Steve stuttered, hands fidgeting as they rested on top of the table.
“I want to, if you’re okay with it?” Y/N gently prodded, hand still resting comfortably on his arm.
In his embarrassed state, Steve tried to appeal to Bucky on what he should do with a sort of desperate look and all Bucky did was smirk at him. Steve sighed in defeat but it wasn’t an unwelcome outcome, he just didn’t know if he had it in him to face the awkward situation if he were to make good on his statement about being clumsy in front of Y/N.
“Alright, yeah, I’m okay with it. Sounds nice.”
Y/N grinned at him, patting Steve’s arm a few times while standing from her spot on the bench. “Well I’m done eating, let’s go now.”
“I know a good dance hall, a few blocks from here. They're always open late.” Bucky said, standing up from his spot as well to throw away the paper tray that held his food into a public trash can. He watched Steve and Y/N do the same, seeing a spring in Y/N’s step as she was quick to grab Steve by the hand and then his, pulling them both to the sidewalk.
“Come on, let’s hurry! I want to see what the dance hall looks like.”
“We’re coming, Princess!” Bucky chuckled with her as he soon took the lead.
As Bucky had said, down a couple of blocks there was a fantastic dance hall much like the theater, streaming with many lights with people bustling in and out. There was the sound of excited music recognizable even from outside, muffled only by the doors that kept being opened before they could fully close. Bucky continued to lead them, opening the door for Y/N to step through first then Steve and himself.
Despite the throws of people walking past in a blur of motion, Y/N could only see the magnificent hall; the ceiling cascading upward with abnormally large streamers hanging from the walls for color, the luscious dance floor filled to the brim with many couples as the men twirled their girls and their skirts fluttered up like kites carried by the wind. In the space between the designated dance floor and walls, sat many tables made from a chestnut brown wood and shiny with polish, a modest bar sat on the right side where patrons who ordered drinks and laughed with the bartender before moving on to dance. And finally the stage housed an energetic band as they played a song she shockingly knew.
“Take the “A” Train by Duke Ellington.” She mentally noted, seeing the sea of smiles and laughter throughout the building.
“You guys want a drink?” Bucky shouted over the boisterous noise of the hall even as Y/N and Steve stood right next to him.
Instead of answering with words, Steve and Y/N only nodded prompting Bucky to nod back as he then pivoted away toward the bar.
“Let’s go find a table.” Steve tugged on her hand still holding onto his to the tables a few feet away.
It took no time at all to find a spot, prompting Steve to pull out a chair for her which she gladly thanked him. They sat there for a time, chatting as well as they could in such a packed house until Bucky came sauntering over with three drinks.
“Here you go, three beers. Bartender was feeling a bit generous, gave me these for 0.50¢ total.” He set the bottles on the table passing one to Steve then to Y/N.
“Wow, that’s pretty good for a crowd like this.” Steve awed, taking the smallest sip of his drink. Y/N agreed silently that it was indeed a very generous offer.
“Alright, come on, Steve stop dragging your feet. You said you’d let her dance with you. Don’t want to keep a lady waiting, do you?” Bucky joked, nudging his thin arm.
Steve huffed, “I’m not, I’m just sitting down.”
Bucky gently grasped Y/N hand, helping her to stand then yanked Steve up with one heave. “We didn’t come here to sit, now go dance.”
And with that, he pushed Steve toward Y/N who giggled at Steve’s apprehension and Bucky’s encouragement.
With the upbeat song keeping up a quick rhythm, Y/N led Steve onto the dance floor while carefully avoiding the spinning of the other patrons.
The people surrounding them politely gave them enough space to prepare to dance as everyone else was. Y/N and Steve shared a hesitant glance before Steve gently took her right hand and guided her right arm to wrap around his shoulder. He stepped a bit closer, his left arm wrapped her waist to rest on the small of her back then took position.
“You ready?”
Y/N nodded. “Yes, sir”
Steve smiled at her answer then a bit quicker than she was expecting, Steve dipped forward then back then forward again and back. Y/N swiftly matched his movements, dipping with him instead of leaving him to it himself.
A few more times, Steve dipped forward and back moving with the fast movements of the people around him then Steve took her hand taking a step back, planted his feet to the ground then twirled Y/N out only to bring her back into him before spinning them both around. Y/N couldn’t resist the bellows of laughter that escaped her throat as Steve spun them around while twirling her a few times, causing her skirt to flutter out like a ballerina.
All of the things she expected from Steve, small Steve, this was not one of them. Despite his small size, he truly did know how to dance; pulling her in and out as if she weighed nothing at all.
How could anyone turn down this enthusiastic dancer?
Their dancing went on for a couple of minutes, Y/N not sure the song was ever going to end until she heard the music stop and the crowd of people began to clap. She copied the people’s clapping, laughing some more as she and Steve shared a look of elation.
There was a brief inter pause while the band prepared for their next song. A new woman came out from behind a curtain, dressed in a red sweater dress with a bow tied around her waist, and a pearl necklace complimenting the dress. Her blonde hair curls hung down to frame her face and were clipped back to keep her bangs from bothering her eyes
Soon a much softer song began to play.
The night is like a lovely tune.
Beware my foolish heart.
How white the ever constant moon.
Take care, my foolish heart.
“May I?” A familiar voice charmingly asked.
Y/N and Steve immediately saw Bucky standing there, a suave smile gracing his face, and a hand extended to Y/N.
“Of course.” Steve took Y/N’s hand and set it against Bucky’s who carefully pulled her to him much like Steve had earlier, but instead he brought her so close she could feel his breath on her cheek.
“Thank you, Steve. That was truly wonderful.” Y/N thanked as Steve walked away. He gave her a curt nod, and a bashful smile.
When she turned to face Bucky, they shared a chuckle, gently swaying with the slow song.
“And thank you, for giving him a chance. God knows he deserves it.” Bucky unexpectedly admitted to her.
Though slightly taken aback, she shook her head. “There’s nothing to thank, Steve is wonderful and I’d be more than happy to dance with him.”
Bucky continued to sway them both. “Does that mean you prefer Steve over me?”
“I don’t know, I haven’t seen any of your dance moves yet, mister.” Y/N teased, surrendering herself to let Bucky take the lead.
There’s a line between love and fascination.
It’s hard to see on an evening such as this.
For they both give the very same sensation
When you're lost in the magic of a kiss.
A beat of quiet filled the air except the sweetness of the music followed with beautiful lyrics.
“In all seriousness, I’m glad you’re here Y/N.”
The euphoric excitement that had occupied every part of her being was suddenly washed away with a nostalgic sorrow.
“Where did that come from?” Y/N asked, trying to brush off the ache his confession brought to her heart.
Bringing her hand inward, he brought it to rest on his chest as he pulled her closer; forehead almost touching as he confessed. “I know that you’ve been feeling out of place ever since you got here, and you’re worried about being a burden but I want you to know that you are not or ever will be a burden. Having you with Steve and I has been a joy.”
The ache in her chest continued to grow from her heart, to her throat, to her eyes. The beginnings of tears rushing to the surface like a broken dam.
Your lips are much too close to mine.
Beware my foolish heart.
But should our eager lips combine
Then let the fire start.
Bucky noticed the tears, however he didn’t have a chance to mention them as Y/N buried her face into his shirt, her arm wrapping around his back tightly to feel more of his presence.
He brushed his hand tenderly over the expanse of her back, lips lingering on her temple then placing a kiss there. “No matter what happens or whatever you’re going through, I want you to understand that you belong here. Even if this wasn’t your home, you belong here with us…”
Fresh tears rolled down the skin of her cheeks, leaving tracks in their wake as the evidence of her broken heart. At the same time, the feeling of grief sank deeper into her soul, replaced by hope, love for a man she believed she’d never have again.
“With me. If you want.”
Could she really belong here?
For this time it isn’t fascination
Or a dream that will fade and fall apart.
It’s love, this time it’s love
My foolish heart.
“My foolish heart…."
________
a/n:
Decided to cut down the parts of the song “My Foolish Heart” included in this chapter since it felt a bit redundant to have the same lyrics in twice. If you listened to the song while reading this then you know what I’m talking about.
Originally I was going to have them see “Dumbo” seeing as it was released in 1941, however it came out in theaters on October 23. It wouldn’t have been possible for the trio to have seen it since the month at which Y/N comes to the 40’s is early June and this chapter takes place some weeks later when it’s July. Though I did cheat with the song attached to this chapter (I couldn’t help it, it fit so perfectly!) This version of “My Foolish Heart” sung by Margaret Whiting came out in a movie by the same name in 1949.
When it comes to the movie theater scene, $3.00 in 1940’s New York is actually expensive for the time even though today it would be amazing to only pay $3.00 for food at theaters. The calculations may be a bit off as I had to base the price of the food for how much they were sold independently in stores rather than a whole thing like we do today at the movies. Movie tickets back then were also sold for 0.25¢ per person.
It’s crazy what you learn while doing research for a fanfiction. I enjoy it all the same!
#marvel#bucky barnes#james buchanan barnes#bucky x reader#bucky barnes x reader#bucky x female reader#x reader#female reader#bucky barnes imagine#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky barnes series#winter soldier#winter soldier x reader#Spotify#Youtube
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I like ur takes and I just wanted to share some stuff from another side. I watched spop as I was in my teen years, incredibly sheltered, queer, and lashing out because I was also dealing with abusive family dynamics. So… yeah I shipped it. I idealized it. And I heavily identified with Catra. But unlike with Zuko(who I also identify with) Catra didn’t change.
Every time she’d travel to a new part of the world I thought omg her moment is coming! Escape!! But she’d just get into a slap fight with Adora and then go back to the Horde. It was so strange it felt like every other character was in a story progression show and Catra was the villain of an episodic show until s5
And s5 was…. Weird. I don’t understand how Catra has a change of heart by getting more hurt by Horde Prime. She was getting hurt the whole series??? I still cried and was elated at the series finale but only bc I wanted an Adora who’d forgive me and love me and say I wasn’t bad. And I think a lot of people are like that.
Everything about the way Catra is framed points to her redemption even in the first episode… but it just makes me feel insulted now. To me as a survivor… it’s like they waved a magic wand and killed off the abuser and gave Catra a gf and that was supposed to fix it. It doesn’t work like that. My abuser died and it made things WORSE for a while (I think it would especially damage someone like Adora since Shadow Weaver “sacrificed” herself and therefore can’t be bad ever) . And I’m not looking for hyper realism in a Princess cartoon but at the time I watched it I couldn’t have really used yknow ?? Some guidance??? Something that wasn’t a fantasy lala ending that once the initial high wore off left me feeling confused and hollow. There is nothing in spop that teaches you how to get that kind of happy ending. Especially if you’re Catra who just says I love you and is suddenly resurrecting ponytail Jesus. To the me who identified with her, it was mostly about wanting to FEEL redeemed through her. FEELING strong and badass and GOOD and like things would be okay even if I was never a princess type. The actual result was feeling like I would never attain a happy ending of any sort because Catra’s didn’t feel real and her “arc” had no footsteps to follow in. How do you make a kids show and not teach good lessons??? Idk the show bad no matter who you identified with was my whole point.
At least I had/have zuko.
Also shipping zuko x sokka x suki is based I do too lmao.
first off, i'm so sorry about all the trauma you went through. i hope you are healing now, and thank you for sharing your story.
secondly, i think this is what a lot of fans felt. i can understand that people relate to catra. hell, even i relate to her a little. i know what it's like to be considered useless and weak, and to desperately want validation from a parent. i get it. when i say i dislike catra, it's not because she's a traumatized child or even because she adopted many of the toxic habits that shadow weaver portrayed. it's that she faced no consequences for any of this.
as much as spop tried to be mature, in the end, it was really childish. s5 got rid of all the complexity and just went "everyone deserves forgiveness", ignoring all of the glaring issues it had yet to solve. the protagonists forgave catra because the writers wanted them to, not because that's how it would have went down in real life.
most spop critics aren't heartless monsters who despise abuse victims, they are people who relate to either catra or adora. and they just want to see a better representation of abuse victims.
it would have been much more fulfilling and satisfying to have catra and adora take some time explore themselves and heal from their trauma, separated from each other. this kind of relationship is harmful for both of them. as long as adora is with catra, she'll continue blaming herself and putting pressure on herself, feeling as if she was responsible for everyone's problems. and as long as catra stays with adora, she'll continue deflecting her issues and being envious of adora. they needed time away from each other, but spop chose to invalidate trauma instead.
it's a pity that spop was one of the very few representation we had, at the time it came out, so people genuinely believe that c//a is a healthy ship, because they don't have many other examples to compare it to. i'm glad there are more and more queer shows coming out lately, and most of them seem to portray healthy relationships.
#btw ponytail jesus made me cACKLE#we should all be grateful for zuko#best redemption arc fr#spop critical#spop#spop salt#spop discourse#spop criticism#anti catradora#she ra#anti catra#abuse tw#tw abuse#tw trauma
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Hiiii, i'm new to your tumblr and ff! SO i have a question that you've probably already answered: I guess Remi is a "fix-it" situation with Violet? What was your problem with Vi in FW/ IF that made you want to change her?
Hi! Welcome! 👋🏼
I actually don’t know if I have before, maybe everyone just assumes haha but you’re right it was.
I feel like the beginning of F&F gives the impression I don’t like Violet. In some ways because we know Remi it feels like a pile on, on the poor girl, but I actually do like her. I just feel like it’s an accurate representation of how a young girl would have responded to Remi’s implied behaviour for years while she struggled with her mental health.
My main issue with FW in general is an unpopular one, I usually avoid speaking about it because people abuse me, but as someone with multiple chronic illnesses I felt unrepresented through her lens and because social media hyped me up and I went in hoping for the best disability rep ever, I left a little disappointed that I didn’t get that, so I decided to write something for people like me.
We are all different and have different experiences, that’s why fanfic is so great because we can live the original text in different ways.
I could never have done the things Violet does and I think the “push through” and you’ll succeed narrative is quite dangerous. For people with ME at least, it’s proven to make things worse and it also doubles down on a bad stereotype. My experience IRL is people always assuming I’m just not trying and that I could overcome my illnesses so I have personal medical trauma related to that. Media like this can sometimes perpetuate that myth, so that’s something I struggle with personally.
Vi sort of has symptoms that make it convenient for her to push through with something to “overcome” and not others that would stop her in her tracks. That IS some people’s experience of disability and I’m so happy for them that they were represented.
But Violet never crashes, never has a day where her limbs shake and she can’t move, never has a day where she passes out or her body throws up everything she tries to eat and she never feels incredibly down about herself and her condition, which is wild to me.
A lot of people will say like “she has no choice, she’d die otherwise, she just has to get on with it and she does” which is a lovely sentiment but I don’t get to decide whether my heart will pump blood to my brain or not, sometimes it just doesn’t and I’m out 🙃 (side note: there was definitely implied POTS at the start, where did it go? Did she find a treatment because I want it, please! 😂)
I feel like I have to make it really clear (to everyone reading this, not you in particular) that I think RY wrote a fantastic novel and I love it. I usually get attacked for saying anything along these lines so to be super plain, I get that it represented one person’s experience and not everyone’s because that’s impossible to do, and if it represented you I LOVE that for you, I thoroughly enjoyed the book, but I needed to write something more on the level with my experience for myself and I just hoped it resonated with some people (and obviously it did). I wasn’t even going to post it at first.
Being chronically ill is hard. FW & IF brought me so much joy and I love that we got some disability rep, I just wish it went a step further, so I did it myself. 🖤
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I’ve been on a magical girl kick recently so i wanted to share these slightly older madoka magica au doodles I made. I’d love to draw more magical girls in the future because i have way too many ideas related to them.
This is technically also a genderbent au but it was required. Anyways i want to share my notes on the au
Kylie was approached about becoming a magical girl while her little sister was in the hospital, so her wish caused her to become more of a protector magical girl, with less focus on the strength of her weapons and more on the amount of them. She’s definitely the most agile of the girls, being able to fire a ton of daggers at enemies (similar to mami’s power but with knives? I dunno). She’s been doing this the second longest out of the group next to kelly. For a special ability thing I think she’d have some sort of like— anti gravity boots that let her walk on walls and shit
As for Stella, she’s the newest magical girl in town and I think she’d be the most naive of the group, especially surrounding how much power she has (I mean her wish was for her dad to disappear because she was angry with him, which she now regrets so making her be the most oblivious to how godlike some of their abilities are makes sense). Her weapon is bulky and not exactly the best for a beginner. Kylie tries to help out when she can but for the most part Stella just needs to figure out her fighting style by herself
Erica is of course still a selfish monster, which I had a lot of fun symbolizing in her soul gem (as I mention In the drawing it resembles a grief seed even in its regular form. Since the witches are the ‘corrupt’ versions of a magical girl I think Erica already starting off with that darkness in her makes sense). She has a fair amount of armour on her compared to the other girls, despite the fact magical girls can’t exactly get hurt, which I think kinda shows her self-centred nature. She knew Kylie before they became magical girls, and they were actually quite friendly, until Kylie got her abilities and Erica became envious. I think that when Erica becomes a witch, unlike the other magical girls, she’d have full control. It’d be like her final form instead of being a dark form (I think that that’s how her wish would be fulfilled. Her witch form is how she can be the most powerful magical girl). Dunno I thought far too into her design
Lastly Kelly. She signed her contract at 12, wishing for her family to be rich as an attempt at making her parents kinder. It fails but at least her and her siblings have nice things now (right?). Even in her magical girl form she keeps her more thrifty diy style she adopted as a kid, hanging grief seeds off of her coat as decoration. She’s not the strongest of the group by any means but she is the one with the most experience which constantly benefits her. She has a special ability she calls her ‘second life’, which was a result of her wish. It essentially allows her to kill and clone her body as like— a defence mechanism (I don’t know if that makes sense). Her witch form, Midas, is a representation of her greed and hopes that money would fix all of her problems.
I would add more but this is getting really long so if you read through all of this, I’m proud of you : )
#this wasn’t the au i was referencing yesterday this is just some ideas i had because i love magical girls#south park#soursart#madoka magica is such a good anime#i want to create my own magical girls so badly man#it’s just the kids whom I’m swapping the genders of because I forgot I reference randy#if you haven’t watched madoka magica this will be very confusing sorry
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foreward: t4t
I’ve arrived in this place where thoughts feel important enough to record, and screaming it to an anonymous blog is somehow less passé than carefully crafting clauses in some instagram story for my friends to read and assess or swipe and ignore. That was for them, this is for me.
At three years into transition I have arrived at some sort of queer awakening. For someone who spent most of their life as some kind of confused effeminate bisexual man who wasn’t into men, finally transitioning and yelling I’M A DYKE felt like the most relief someone could have, that I could finally understand to myself that yes, I love women, but no, not like that. Dating women, straight women, as a man was this confusing exercise in relatability and frustration. It’s a tired trope, isn’t it? Trans woman dates women she’d rather be— never finding anything approaching love, only envy, frustration, and depression. Dating queer women, dating lesbians, was entirely its own awakening.
But waking up comes in stages. For these three years I’ve surrounded myself in the company of other lesbians, I met and married a woman whom I could finally say I love and adore. There were not many trans women. There weren’t any.
My transition, like so many other COVID trannies, began in a bubble. I figured my shit out, I changed my name, I started hormones; I was alone. It didn’t feel that way— we had the internet, after all. But the company I kept with my cat and my seventy thousand something parasocial following wasn’t community.
We like that word, community— we throw it around as some vague catch-all as if it has some ubiquitous meaning and that it is the cure for most psychic ailments. The thing is, it’s a transient idea: you find the people whom you love and support and in return they love and support you and then *bam* you’re fixed. But people will fall in and out of this category, and the categories of people therein will vary greatly with the passage of your own identity into the next.
Anyway, for a time lesbians were my community— they still very much are. But I’ve met someone and it has upended my entire perspective on community because she’s among the first in another less transient selfsame category: a transsexual woman.
I put maybe too much weight into this particular person. I have had friends who are more or less like myself, but I have never felt so terribly aligned as I do with this woman. It should be noted that in addition to being an hopeless romantic I just finished my first reading of Imogen Binnie’s “Nevada” and am as raw as one might expect. I think we all see a bit of ourselves in Maria and loathe to see ourselves in… I can’t even remember his name because I hated the experience of reading part 2, relatable as it was.
This girl has me romanticizing my life in every way possible. Shortly after we met she made me a mixtape (it was a Spotify playlist but I was born in 1990 and some things just can’t change)— I don’t even listen to music but I found myself making reasons to leave the house and walk and listen. I live just on the other end of a redline: the neighborhood across the street from mine is this ostentatious enclave of opulence, an island of privilege and superficial beauty that is morally repugnant in a city with the wealth disparity of mine. I put on my headphones and immerse myself in this music that she’s selected for me, taking in the beautiful gardens and perfectly manicured lawns and just thinking of her for hours at a time. My best friend tells me that I’m not falling in love with her, I’m falling in love with the idea of her. Given enough time and connection, aren’t they the same?
She tells me sometimes that actually when the limerence wears off you’ll find I’m quite plain. I can’t imagine. Every time I see her, every new conversation, all I can see is this perfectly messy intellectual beauty of a woman and wonder what it could possibly be that she found attractive enough in me to ask if she could kiss me the night we met.
Yesterday lying in her bed with her body nestled against mine, I looked out of her bedroom window to a towering tree and remarked how lovely it must be to have that view. I thought about how meeting her now at the height of summer meant that I could measure the passage of time not only in the moments between messages but in the turning of the leaves, and a little piece of me feels like it is dying. That’s what love feels like, right? A slow death in the changing of leaves before they fall to the earth.
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pretty sure all of this is stuff that’s been said before, but yk i wanna join in
trigger warnings: drugs/alcohol, suicide, drowning
In Bojack Horseman, the second to last episode “The View from Halfway Down” explores Bojack’s mistakes and insecurities but it also explores more deeply the people in his life who died. And I can hold my peace no longer.
The dinner scene is particularly interesting to me, all the people who passed sitting at a table together eating. What they’re eating is more significant than people might think, as it relates to their death and parts of their life.
For starters, Bojack. Bojack’s plate is fixed with nothing but pills and a bottle of “water” (though i’m assuming it’s alcohol), aka what he took before he got into the pool and nearly drowned. He was spiraling.
I think the bottle of water does hold more significance than just a bottle of water. Earlier in the series, we find out that Bojack would often sneak alcohol onto the set of Horsin’ Around, classic alcoholic behavior yes, but it’s also a reference to Sarah Lynn.
When Sarah Lynn was ten years old, she got her hands on the bottle on set. Later on, she became an addict. I feel like that bottle being there is a reference to Bojack’s past mistakes but take that with a grain of salt.
Sarah Lynn is shown eating some sort of fast food, although some people say it’s the last thing she ate before she succumbed to her heroin overdose (which may very much so be the case) I think it’s interesting how she pointed out that her mother pointed out every carb she ate during her “Sexually Confident Virgin Tour”, it’s also very much so possible that she has fast food because it was a guilty pleasure.
Herb, who dies after beating cancer, has peanuts on his plate— something he is deathly allergic to. He died after getting into a car accident, fresh out of beating cancer, with a peanut truck. Not much more to say there.
Corduroy Jackson isn’t a character I remember much about, will have to go back and rewatch a lot of his moments, but he has a lemon on his plate— he died with a lemon when he performed his auto-erotic asphyxiation. Don’t ask what auto-erotic asphyxiation is, it was a weird episode.
Beatrice’s plate is bland, and boring. A boring meal, nothing fancy, nothing huge, and a plastic cup as a drink. She was sent to a nursing home by Bojack after he found out she’d been spiking Hollyhock’s coffee with chub-b-gone and Hollyhock overdosed on it. (Hollyhock survived, but has severe trauma from it), and it was likely the last meal she had before she died. Deserved. Very much so deserved that she died alone.
Crackerjack’s meal is another one that is very easy to explain. He has a can of rations, and if you remember, Crackerjack was a soldier in the second world war. That’s all he had to eat, and probably was also his last meal before he got shot.
Secretariat has alcohol in his coffee, obvious reasons why he does that, and two eggs. In the show, Secretariat is based off the real horse but in this world he is an athlete. A high protein meal for him is reasonable. And on top of that, Secretariat died by suicide, so there’s not much more he could have that would reference his life and death.
More things from the episode i notice are how the conversation turns to suicide after secretariat showed up, Secretariat died by suicide. Herb admits that he thought about suicide after he got fired from Horsin’ Around, ultimately he continued to find simple reasons to stay alive. Secretariat criticizes him for not going through with it due to his own decision to end his life on his own terms. This may be hinting towards Bojack’s struggle with suicidal ideation. Finding reasons to stay, and then getting mad at himself for not doing it. And in every suicide attempt of Bojack’s he seeks a way out to make it out alive. js think that’s neat.
Also “A song you taught me when I was small” is a line Sarah Lynn sings during her performance. Her entire song is about legacy, i would get into it more but we’d be here for several more paragraphs. Bojack essentially ruined his legacy, while Sarah Lynn died young so her legacy is positive and lives on. But “A song you taught me when I was young” references Don’t Stop Dancing. How Bojack, when she was a young child, told her she had to give the people what they want. To put on a show, even if it empties her until there’s nothing left to empty. Lovers would leave her, friends would leave her, but her fans were forever. And it’s sad that she carried his words until she died. Stardom is what killed her… but also the heroin, the heroin also very much so killed her.
Back to the dinner scene thing, In the beginning of the dinner scene Butterscotch, Bojack’s dad, shows up. Kind of. He’s merged in a way with secretariat, so Secretariat is who we see. This makes sense because growing up, Butterscotch was never that present in Bojack’s life. Secretariat was someone Bojack looked up to. He was like a dad figure to him, although Bojack never knew him personally- just off of TV, but Secretariat was still an idol. It makes sense why Secretariat “replaced” Bojack’s father in this scene.
If I rambled any more we’d be here forever so I’ll end it there 😻 thx for coming to my ted talk
#i’m obsessed with bojack horseman at the moment if you couldn’t tell#bojack horseman is a masterpiece#bojack horseman#bojack diane#bojack sarah lynn#mr peanutbutter#herb kazzaz#corduroy jackson#beatrice bojack#secretariat#the view from halfway down#bojack netflix#i love bojack#hollyhock was right to leave him fr
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(Hair and performance anxiety guy, here again)
I think I asked you what your thoughts were because you’re a random milf on the internet, sometimes we need feedback from someone who’s completely not invested in our emotions either positively or negatively. There’s no reason you’d tell me anything but what you happened to think.
ideally, I’d fix this, the ��eat and beat it” approach isn’t ideal for me either. Definitely appreciate the advice re: transparency, it’s hard to be open about this type of thing, but it is better than having her think I’m just not excited to be there.
I’m more of a switch, maybe even softly dom-leaning these days, but it’s been really tough. From the sort of “traditional” direction, it’s hard to feel masculine and competent and useful when my dick won’t do what I want, and from the service/submissive side of things, I feel like I’m letting the woman down by not providing something she’d enjoy.
As for hair, I deeply appreciate your candor. Advice online is heavily split between “it’ll make you unlovable and old looking” and “nobody will even think about it, just shave your head and live free”, both of which seem inaccurate haha. “Its not ideal, but not a dealbreaker for many women” seems comparatively much more accurate for a good chunk of the population in my dating range. It’s tough, losing my hair feels like losing my youth, whatever small ability I ever had to turn heads, and a lot of my sexual self-esteem was tied to my desirability. Embarrassingly vain, yes, but I really like feeling like people like the way I look. It makes me happy to see beautiful people, so I want to also be beautiful, idk how exactly to explain it
Tbh, I’m not even sure if those meds are what’s doing it. All I know is that I was doing a lot better last summer, when I wasn’t on them. There have been other changes since then, though. They also haven’t necessarily worked that well, so idk.
thanks for the kind words, honest advice, etc. I’ll go talk to my doctor again, and definitely do some introspection about how I relate to sexual scripts, what aspects of common ones do or don’t work for me, etc. this is one topic where I’ll be making my own choice, don’t worry about me just copying advice from the internet Willy-nilly
have a good one :)
Glad I could offer a little perspective!
I truly would not call your feelings vanity. What you're going through is really tough. Hair and dick are major targets for one's self esteem, especially men's, so having issues with both at once feels like a serious blow. Nothing wrong with wanting to be beautiful. I think men have a harder time reconciling that feeling, too.
Good luck! May you get to the other side of this soon 💜
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August 1: Some Old Meta Notes
I was feeling pretty poorly earlier after coming home from the grocery store with way too may groceries, just really tired and achy. I've eaten dinner now and feel better. Maybe still a little... overall sore in a stressed-out way but way better than earlier. Hope to get some good sleep tonight because I need it.
Here are some notes I wrote a while ago, planning the Poly Fic, that are basically just like... some meta lol.
*
Canon Clarke [...] has expectations. She comes from a place of relative stability, which gives her that ‘I know best and I know I know best’ confidence. She doesn’t represent the status quo as much as Wells because she will break rules if she thinks doing so is morally right or otherwise necessary. She cares more about being effective than being nice, though she does have, increasingly, the ability to ‘handle’ people, to encourage or soothe them as necessary to meet her ends.
None of which really has anything to do with polyamory.
Clarke is so good at doing what she needs to do that it is hard, I think, to trust what is real and what is manipulation or strategy. I think she’s probably being genuine often, but if I were close to her, I’d find it hard to trust that the concern, or love, or openness is real. That it exists for its own sake. I don’t think Clarke sees using (real) emotions or opinions as means to an end as incompatible—the feelings can be real AND their expression a useful tool, simultaneously. And she will prioritize other things, like a mission or goal, or her sense of responsibility or even her sense of guilt, over other people/emotions/relationships. She thinks big picture, about what is an objectively right outcome, not about what individuals might want, need, desire, or expect. She left Camp Jaha because she was ‘bearing her people’s sins,’ scapegoating herself (literally) and trusting her people would be fine with Bellamy. Is this what any of them wants? Is this fair to Bell? Is it what he can expect from their relationship? Is this something that will actually help people like Jasper, Monty, Raven, or any of the delinquents heal? No. But it fits a certain narrative in her head. That narrative puts her in a sort of martyr position—maybe she leaves for HER, because SHE needs not to ‘see their faces,’ but in the narrative, she is selfless. That’s my reading anyway.
I guess the point of this is… she would struggle in a relationship because she’d want to fix any issues that arose. We should just break up—you’re better off without me, for example. She understands what’s wrong, what she needs to do. A control freak attitude (#relatable lol). Paradoxically, I say from experience, a no-labels, outside-the-box relationship can appear freeing, at least in theory. It’s hard to explain. It’s like the fantasy of letting go of the expectations you yourself feel as a burden, as if, with them gone, you will be a different, freer person. As if that as the direction personal growth moved in.
#the year 2023#i definitely want to participate in au august and i was toying around with something... but i just don't have it in me#and sports au is not inspiring to me personally
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Noir Watch: Deep Valley (1997)
Watch: 07/04/2023
Format: TCM
Viewing: First
Director: Jean Negulesco
This one felt like it had pieces of noir mixed in with American Gothic melodrama more than what you think of when you start searching the shelves for a noir. And that's fine. It's not like people in 1947 were setting out to make "noir".
As a movie featuring Ida Lupino, I was pre-inclined to give it a shot. And she's great! Maybe not as good as in other things, but she and Fay Bainter - who plays her mother - are both terrific in this movie.
But I'm not sure the movie quite sticks the landing, and it's probably 15 minutes too long at an hour and 44 minutes. It also really does echo High Sierra, which Lupino had starred in back in 1941, and it almost feels like she should have played the young naive woman of this film in 1941 and the more mature woman of High Sierra in '47. But that's not how it worked out, and I don't have a time machine to tell them what to do.
Lupino plays a 22 year old (she's 28ish here) who has been the middle-man for her parents who have been at a stalemate for years since her father struck her mother. Now, the two don't talk as their once grand house falls apart around them. The mother hasn't left her room in *years* (don't ask me the logistics) having Lupino wait on her hand and foot, and the father lives downstairs and tends to the farm. Sort of. The entire house is falling apart and Lupino is a nervous mess, complete with a crippling stutter.
Meanwhile, a highway (the PCH, maybe?) is coming along the other side of the hill where she lives in a Deep Valley. The road is being built with prison labor*, and each day Lupino sneaks off to watch shirtless men labor in the sun. No, really. It's incredibly horny.
Anyway, she has a favorite in Dane Clark. One day the crew comes to the farmhouse to fill up some water buckets and while there, Clark gets in an altercation with a guard and gets sent to a shed awaiting a return to San Quentin. A landslide occurs, and Clark escapes in the chaos. Meanwhile, Lupino sees the walls closing in on her (relating to the prisoners) and makes good her own escape into the woods.
The pair come across each other and fall in love/ make it off camera.
Turns our Clark has a bit of a temper, and is known to basically go into rages and deck people, which is how he ended up in jail. But he's convinced the love of a good Lupino will fix all this.
Lupino runs home to grab some supplies so the two can make good their escape, but first realizes in her absence, her parents figured their shit out, and also she's somewhat trapped by the posse using her house and not wanting to draw suspicion.
The movie walks some fine lines. Clearly Lupino's naive virgin has never really known a man before and is throwing herself at the first guy to really take her fancy. Similarly, Clark is putting way too much on Lupino as an angel who will save him from himself. And the movie never really does anything to de-romanticize all of that. Or address that Clark "doesn't mean it", but he sure has homicidal impulses and if Lupino were to leave with him, sure seems like she'd be dead within a year.
I *do* think the movie wants to say something about this, but it's left to a brief bit of dialog from her mother to put the seed of doubt in the audience's mind. And I'm not sure the movie (and 1947) is aware of what it's setting up. But like many movies of young couples caught in an impossible situation (see: They Live By Night), it's all Romeo and Juliet star-crossed romance. People are gonna wind up dead before things are over.
According to show-notes presented by Eddie Muller, this could have been a John Garfield movie, and we might have had a marginally different picture if that had occurred. We have to buy a lot in a short amount of time, and the movie doesn't always sell it. I don't know how that looks with Garfield.
But, also, the movie wants us to believe Lupino doesn't look great in a blouse and jeans and that makes the movie a liar.
Still, it's an interesting movie if not a great one. Not all of these are grand slams.
*no, this is never addressed
https://ift.tt/isGZkDd
from The Signal Watch https://ift.tt/78FCxwu
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in her shadow (chapter II)
➸ pairing: jeonghan x reader. ➸ word count: 5,4K. ➸ status: ongoing. (series masterlist!) ➸ genre: angst, slow burn, romance, idol!au, strangers to lovers, fluff, humor, forbidden relationship!au, mutual pining, (+ smut in upcoming chapters!) ➸ summary: you never were the one to fall in love but, just when you think you might’ve found the one, he turns out to be your estranged bitch of a sister’s fiancé. you and jeonghan both know better but, he can’t help but wish he’d met you first, thinking you’re a far better match for him than she’d ever be.
previous | main masterlist | feedback | buy me a coffee? ☕️
“You look pretty,” Jay teases as he watched you fix your dress, a scowl etched onto your face. You hate it, the tight fitting monstrosity that Nina had bought for you, but you know you have to wear it. She’d never let you hear the end of it if you didn’t.
“I look like a cheap hooker,” you return.
“I think that’s the idea,” Jay pokes.
You’re headed for a dinner which your sister had set up, something which only meant it would be bad. Her dinners were horrid and, with the new addition of Jeonghan, they were only to get worse. Nina uses her dinners to brag, and being engaged to a handsome and successful idol is something she’ll never tire of bragging about, especially to you. You have never dated a man quite like Jeonghan and, your sister is insistent on reminding you over and over of the fact.
“We should get going,” Jay muses as he checks his watch. “We have to pick Solji up on the way,” he adds.
You nod your head and move to adjust your dress once more, pulling it over your chest at the expense of a little covering on your legs. “Nina hates me,” you cry as your brother offers you another laugh before he guides you out of the house.
“Y/N, oh my god, you look so pretty!” Nina fawns as she greets you. She knows the dress she’d given you is snug; it’s short and skimpy, but it’s the sort of thing she thought you desperately needed, just because you haven't had a boyfriend since you were eighteen and, in her words; ‘needed someone new in your life’, something the dress was sure to aid you in, according to her.
You offer your sister a forced smile before you walk past her, greeting a few of the other people that she’d invited. You honestly don’t want to be here at all, her friends are so insufferable, but you know you have to play the doting sister. Your mother and father would never accept anything less and neither would your sister.
“Y/N,” You lift your head a little, your eyes shining at the sight of Jeonghan. He offers you a soft smile before he moves towards you, pressing a friendly kiss to your cheek. “I didn’t think you would make it,” he says as he allows his eyes to scan your frame. He smiles to himself, it’s so clear to him that Nina had given you the dress you’re wearing.
“If my parents weren’t over there glaring at me, I wouldn’t have done,” you return playfully. He peeks over his shoulder at your parents for a moment before he turns back to you.
“A few of my friends are in the lounge. You and Jay should go and join them,” he smiles softly.
You smile at him gratefully before you grab Jay’s arm, leading him away from Nina who was twittering incessantly into his ear.
“Thank you so much, Y/N,” he says, offering you a smile as he and his girlfriend, Solji, follow you into Jeonghan’s vast living room.
“You don’t have to thank me,” you smile. You’re sure he would have done the same thing for you if you’d been in his place, it’s almost an unwritten pact between you two.
“Y/N, over here,” Joshua beams, beckoning you towards him.
You smile at him softly before stepping towards him and, embracing him in a friendly manner. “Y/N, this is Miyeon, my girlfriend,” he says, offering you a smile as you separate. “Miyeon, this is Y/N. She’s Nina’s little sister,” he explains.
Miyeon offers you a look, her mouth agape. “You’re seriously related to her?”
You nod your head. “Yeah. Sadly,” you return, causing her to laugh.
“I feel bad for you, she’s not pleasant,” she quips lightly, her nose wrinkling a little. You bet she doesn’t even know your sister well, but she knows enough to know that she’s awful. Nina’s stuck up and so obsessed with herself and, appears to have very little time for anything or anyone else.
“I get that a lot,” you muse.
“I can imagine. How’d she end up with a sweetheart like Jeonghan?”
You shrug. “That’s a good question.”
You honestly have no idea what it is that Jeonghan sees in your sister, but you’re not about to question it. He loves her even if no one else can fathom why and, quite frankly, it’s none of your business.
“Come on Y/N, he’s sweet, go and flirt with him,” Nina slurs as she nudges your ribs, egging you on.
“He’s with someone Nina, I don’t intend to make him cheat on her,” you scoff, your eyes staring ahead of you at the man she wants you to approach. He’s a group member of Jeonghan’s, Hoshi, but you know very well he’s taken and you’re not stupid enough to try and convince him to cheat.
“But he’s so cute!” she pouts, nudging you once more.
“If he’s so cute, you go and flirt with him.”
She scoffs instantly. “He’s cute for you Y/N, he’s nowhere near being in my league,” she notes, her hand flicking some of her hair over her shoulder.
You roll your eyes. “I need some air,” you mutter. She watches you for a second before wandering away in search of another drink. Stepping out onto the patio, you sigh to yourself, your hand nestling in the front of your hair. You love your sister, you have to, but sometimes you wish it was simply you and Jay. God, things would’ve been so much easier that way.
“Are you alright?” Jeonghan’s voice quips, his hand moving to close the sliding door behind himself. You watch him carefully before you nod, forcing a smile. “I’m so sorry for her. She gets worse with alcohol,” he says apologetically, his lean figure sitting beside you on the sun lounger you’re perched on.
“I know…” you mutter, “I just wish it wasn’t me she got worse with. She’s rude at the best of times.”
He nods his head softly. “Why does she think you need to be set up?“
You offer him a shrug before you run a hand through your hair. “For some reason, she seems to think the only way to be happy is to have some pretty boy on your arm. No offence,” you say lightly. He lifts his hand, signalling that he isn’t offended. “She wants me to be like her.”
“You’re perfect the way you are,” he says earnestly.
“Sure I am,” you scoff sarcastically, “That’s why you’re with her, because I am so perfect, right?” You’re a little drunk, but not drunk enough to not know what you’re saying. You know exactly what you’re saying, and you also know damn well it’s wrong but the words escaped your lips before you even had the time to stop them.
“Wait, what? Do you like me that way?” he asks, his brown eyes boring holes into your soul.
You sigh a little before pushing yourself up, your eyes staring at anything but him. “It’s hard not to,” you reply after a moment of thought.
He pushes himself up tentatively and places a hand against your hip, turning your body to face him. Allowing your eyes to study his handsome face, you take in each and every gorgeous aspect of it.
“Why did I meet her first?” he whispers to himself, his other hand brushing the hair away from your eyes.
You spare a little ironic laugh. It’s such a cliché and you can’t help but laugh. “You should get back inside. Nina is probably looking for you,” you say, your stare drifting from his eyes across his tempting lips.
Jeonghan shifts the hand in your hair a little more before he ducks his head, his breath brushing against your lips. He smells like vanilla and strawberries, thanks to the sickly dessert that your sister had served, but it only makes him more tempting to you. Vanilla and strawberries are your favorite things.
Leaning up a little, you feel the skin of his lips brush past yours, making you close your eyes in anticipation and Jeonghan’s eyes are quick to follow. I’m going to kiss him. That’s the only thought that runs through your head. At least it was, until you hear the screeching of the sliding door echoing, causing you to jerk away from each other, your eyes fixed on the figure that stands in the doorway.
“Jeonghan, Nina’s looking for you,” Jay says with his eyebrows furrowed. Jeonghan nods and moves away, leaving Jay alone with you.
“What the fuck was that?” your brother says angrily, pulling the door closed. You’re blushing like crazy at this point and, all you can do is shake your head slowly, not quite sure what to say. You don’t know what it was, whether it was intentional or a mistake, but it’s sure to only make things worse. You’re already struggling with your crush as it is.
“You need to get your head straight. That’s Nina’s fiancé, are you crazy?” he hisses. “Imagine what would have happened if it was her instead of me.”
You sigh a little and nod, knowing that he’s right. You absolutely do need to get your head straight, but after the almost moment you’d shared, you’re sure it was only going to get harder.
“Hey, Where’s Y/N?” Chan asks as Jeonghan steps into the dressing room. It’s already become normal for you to attend all their dance practices and, to see that you weren’t there was a little bit of a surprise, Chan had rather been looking forwards to going over his solo dance performance with you.
Truthfully, Jeonghan isn’t surprised, you’ve been keeping your distance since you’d almost kissed and, he’s actually grateful. He has no idea how he’d react to you now that you’ve shared that moment.
“She’s out on a date,” Nina says as she steps towards Jeonghan, a smile etched onto her face.
“A date?” he says as he raises an eyebrow, trying his absolute hardest to keep the bitterness out of his voice. He has no right to be upset, you’re a single girl who’s more than entitled to go out, and meet men, but still the idea hurt him. He really thought that you liked him.
“Yes, a writer from the magazine she works for asked her out. He’s SO adorable!” Nina fawns before her phone buzzes, causing Jeonghan to roll his eyes.
“Let me guess…” he mutters, his brown eyes watching as the apologetic expression spills across her face. “You have to go?”
She nods her head shyly before she pressed a kiss to his lips, mumbling about making it up to him. He shakes his head, watching her leave before he lets out a little groan.
“Are you alright there, hyung?” Chan asks.
He flicks his stare towards him and sighs, shaking his head a little. He’s growing tired of it, Nina’s behavior, your presence, it’s all starting to become a little irksome, but he knows there’s nothing he can do. Nina is hardly going to let him go without a fight and, she sure as hell isn’t going to give him up for you.
“Is it about Y/N?” Chan asks, his brown eyes surveying the room around them. “I’m not an idiot, I’ve seen the way that you behave around her and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that something happened. Plus, her disappearance coincides with the emergence of your shitty moods.”
Jeonghan arches an eyebrow. “Did you honestly think no one noticed?” Chan says chuckling and Jeonghan merely glares at him in response. “If you’re so messed up over her, how come you’re still engaged to her sister?”
At this point, it’s clear to everyone around him that he feels something for you; his face lights up when you walk into a room and, he knows why it makes his members curious. He clearly doesn’t love Mina, not anymore; at least, not enough to keep him from falling for her sister.
“Because I love her okay?” he snaps all of a sudden, causing Chan to jump a little as he holds his hands up in surrender. “Why can no one get it into their heads that I want to be with Y/N? She might not fit your standards but she’s perfect to me and I want her,” he grumbles before stepping out of the room.
“I’m so glad we decided to do this,” you smile as you and your date wander back towards your home. You know for a fact it’s wrong, to accept the other boy’s invitation when you’re still crushing on Jeonghan, but you’d been left with no choice. You needed something, anything to distract you from him and Taehyung, a boy you work with, seemed as good as anything.
You have a lot in common, and he’s funny and cute, and you really do like him as he’s a welcome change from the airhead celebrities that your sister keeps setting you up with.
“Me too, I never thought you’d say yes,” he smiles as he squeezes your hand a little. He has liked you for a while, but he’s always been worried that you’d turn him down.
You offer him a little smile before you stop at the top of the path which leads back to your apartment complex.
“I guess this is goodnight,” he says, dropping your hand.
“Indeed it is. I had a lovely time Tae, we should do it again,” you smile earnestly. He nods eagerly before he leans over, pressing a soft kiss to your cheek. You smile a little at the contact and, turn your head a little, pressing a soft kiss against his lips.
He smiles into it for a second before he draws back and speaks, “Sweet dreams, beautiful.”
You offer him another smile before you turn to your apartment building, making your way inside.
After tossing beneath the covers for a while, Jeonghan turns to glare at the space beside him, one that still remains empty despite the late hour. It isn’t uncommon, Nina often stays with her boss over night so she can get an early start, but he’s slowly coming to resent it. She’s his fiancée for gods sake, she should be at his side every night, not when it suits her. It doesn’t make sense to him, nothing does.
Tossing once more, he allows his brown eyes to stare at the ceiling, his stomach aching at the thought of you. It has been nearly a month since your almost moment and, he hasn’t seen you since, something which makes his heart ache a little. You were fun to be around and, you made his days so much better and, now you were gone.
He missed you.
You weren’t like Nina, you weren’t as fake as your sister and, he misses your honesty, he misses your smile, your laugh. He misses you. God, he misses you so much.
Shaking his head, he squeezes his eyes shut, trying with all his might to swallow the lump that has grown in his throat at the mere thought of you. It’s ridiculous, that he’d care for you so much already, but he does, even despite his better judgement, he cares about you.
Jeonghan shakes his head again, tossing the comforter away from his frame before moving to get himself dressed. He knows it’s stupid, going to see you is a fucking stupid idea, but with a serge of confidence pushing through him, he has no choice.
He needs to look at you once more.
Pulling his shirt over his head, he moves to leave the room, only to pause as Nina strolls towards him, a flirtatious look perched on her features.
“You’re home,” he splutters out.
She nods, smiling. “Of course I am baby.”
Jeonghan can smell the alcohol on her, the unfamiliar aftershave and the sweat, but as she presses her lips to his, he forgets all about it.
Nina smiles into the kiss and lowers her hands, tugging at the shirt he’s wearing. He backs away from her a little and allows her to pull it over his head, tossing it to the floor without a care. “Were you going somewhere, Hannie?” she pants between kisses.
He looks at her before shaking his head. “Nowhere important,” he mumbles before lifting her up, carrying her back towards their room.
“Why do I have to go with you?” you complain as you sit on Nina’s couch, your arms crossed over your chest.
“Because my friends are busy,” your sister replies, “And besides, you could really use a shopping trip, you’re hardly going to impress your new boyfriend dressed like this,” she adds, her nose wrinkling a little.
You want to roll your eyes, to fire back some sarcastic comment, but you know better. She’ll only serve to make your life worse if you offend her.
“Where’s Jeonghan?” you ask. You don’t want to see him, things were still far too awkward between you two, but you’re still curious as to why he can’t take your sister out. You’re certain he’d be better company than you.
“He’s out with Seungcheol and Jisoo,” she says dismissively, rolling her eyes.
You cock an eyebrow, but nod. “Okay cool, we’ll go, but I’m picking my own stuff.”
Nina instantly squeals and claps her hands together, grateful that you’d agreed to accompany her. She had always hated being on her own and you can see that she’s grateful for the company.
“What exactly is it you need to buy anyway?” you ask as you tie the laces on your shoes. Your sister has literally everything, designer clothes, bags, accessories, you honestly don’t see what else she could need.
She offers a little smirk before she shoulders her bag. “I need lingerie,” she replies with a little nonchalant shrug and winks at you. “It’s Hannie and I’s anniversary.”
You shudder at the thought.
“Please, Nina, can we get out here?” you whine after a while as you stand outside of the changing room, your arms crossed awkwardly across your chest. You hate it, the stuffy little shop and, you want to leave as soon as you can. Watching her try on lingerie for thirty minutes straight or in general was not in your job description as her little sister.
“We will, when I find the right one for tonight.”
You roll your eyes a little and move to sit down, your hands propping up your face as your elbows rest on your knees.
“Instead of looking so miserable, you could look for something for yourself,” she says as she steps out of the changing room.
You instantly shake your head. Lingerie has never really been your thing, you’re a little awkward when it comes to sex and it’s always apparent. You blush at the mere mention of the topic, causing Mina to roll her eyes a little. “Weirdo,” she mutters under her breath. “You’re so fucking strange,” she comments as she rifles through yet another rack of expensive bras.
“I’m just a little awkward. Sorry for not being blessed with the famed Y/L/N confidence,” you scoff, rolling your eyes at her.
She draws her eyes away and offers you a look, raising one of her eyebrows. “Have you always resented me so much?”
You want to nod so bad, to explain all the grievances you had with your older sister, but you merely refrain, offering nothing more than an obedient shake of your head. “I don’t resent you Nini, I’m just not like you. You’re the famous actress slash model with the successful celebrity boyfriend. I’m nothing more than your Plain Jane little sister,” you explain.
You’ve always been in your sister’s shadow, it isn’t anything new.
She offers you a smile before she grabs another bra from the rack, making her way back into the changing room.
You glare after her. In her mind, there’s nothing for you to complain about. She’ll never comprehend that there’s a problem, as far as she’s concerned, being Nina Y/L/N’s little sister is a great thing. Amazing in fact.
“Babe, is that you?” Jeonghan calls curiously, his eyes turning to the doorway. He thought Nina was spending the day at home, but when he’d returned from hanging out with the boys to find her absent, he hasn’t been overly surprised. He has learnt that his fiancée very rarely kept to her word.
“Not Nina,” you mutter as you step into the living room, your arms weighting down with your sister’s shopping bags.
“Y/N,” he whispers, his voice a little breathless in surprise. You can tell he hasn’t been expecting you, you were still keeping your distance from him, but you can also tell he’s glad to see you. Jeonghan smiles, thinking you looked even more beautiful than the last time he’d seen you. “What are you doing here? Where’s Nina?” he asks.
“Teddy called her while we were out, she had to go into work and insisted that I drop these here,” you say, setting the bags down beside the doorway.
“Did she spend much?” he asks, knowing that it’s his credit card that would’ve funded his fiancé’s purchases.
“For her?” you tease awkwardly. Jeonghan notes the tone of your voice and sighs a little, his hand pushing back into his hair.
“We need to talk…”
“What is there to say, Jeonghan?” you sigh, your eyes fixed on your feet. “You had a moment of weakness, I was just the one who was there.”
“It wasn’t like that,” he softly returns. “You know it’s not like that.”
“Of course it wasn’t,” you scoff. “You really wanted to kiss me,” you add sarcastically.
Jeonghan rolls his eyes and steps towards you, his hand moving beneath your chin, causing you to swallow a little at the contact, but you still don’t move away from it.
“I really did want to kiss you Y/N,” he admits softly, his skin warmed by the familiar feel of your skin against his.
You shake your head. “No, you didn’t, Jeonghan. You had a lot to drink, I did too. Let’s not make more of this than necessary,” you explain before moving to collect your own bag.
He watches you, smirking a little at the logo that’s marked on the bag. “Victoria’s Secret,” he whispers, his voice evoking a shiver from your body. Jeonghan smiles a little at the shiver and moves to take the bag from your hand, his own taking out the lace underwear set you’d bought. “Damn, I didn’t have you down for bustier,” he chuckles.
Your cheeks flush before you move to snatch the clothes back from him, tossing them back into the bag.
Jeonghan offers you another smirk as he ducks his head down, his lips skimming over yours. “I really do like you, Y/N,” he whispers, his lips kissing the side of yours, teasing you. You hum a little at the contact, not quite sure what to do.
He smirks at your reaction and presses a real kiss to your lips, causing you to gasp a little in surprise. The kiss is slow, steady, but it’s exactly how he’d imagined it. How you both imagined it.
Humming a little, you move your hands, steadily nestling them in his long hair, tugging on it a little as you kiss him back just as passionately. Jeonghan lowers his hands to your hips and, holds you close, savouring the feel of your breath on his skin. Tugging your bottom lip with the two of his, he lets out a little sigh as his heart pounds in his chest. His heart can’t go much faster, there’s a breaking point somewhere, but he just doesn’t want to find it.
The kiss could’ve lasted forever, it could’ve led anywhere, but as the sound of a key in a lock echoes, he’s quick to end it, his head jerking away from you.
“Y-you should go,” he splutters, averting his gaze from you.
You glare at him for a moment before you take your bag up from the floor, storming out of the room as your sister moves into it, a smirk fixed on her face. “Well she seemed to be in a rush,” she laughs, watching after you.
Jeonghan scratches his head awkwardly and nods, still trying to soothe his talking heart.
“I’m an awful person,” you complain as you flop onto Yeejin’s couch, your hand wrapped around a pot of cookie dough ice cream. It hasn’t been long since you and Jeonghan had kissed, but instead of heading home you’d opted to visit Yeejin and Minhyuk, desperate for someone to confide in.
“We know that,” Minhyuk chuckles, his hand stealing the tub of ice cream. “But what makes you say it out loud?” he adds, sticking a spoonful into his mouth.
You steal the pot back and sigh before muttering, “I kissed Jeonghan.”
Yeejin, who’s been pouring wine into three glasses, looks up, her eyes wide both in surprise and excitement. “Jeonghan? As in Nina’s Jeonghan?”
You spare an anxious look before nodding. You know that it’s wrong, kissing him is perhaps the worst thing you’d ever done, but at the same time, it’s… the best thing. You’d never felt something quite like it and you don’t know how to describe it.
“I told you it would happen!” Minhyuk yells, being extra as always.
You jump a little and spare your friends a look, noting the smug smile that he wore. “Told her what would happen?” you enquire meekly.
He offers you a wide smile, his body practically shaking in excitement. “I had a conversation with Jeonghan when he had lunch with us that time and he told me that he liked you,” he squeaks, his actions mimicking a teenage girl.
You roll your eyes a little but fail to keep the blush from your cheeks, something which makes Yeejin giggle. “Wait a minute… you like him too?!” she exclaims, taking a sip of her wine.
You want to deny it, to say that the mere idea is idiotic, but you can’t lie to them, they had been your friends since your childhood and were sure to see right through you.
“I might do,” you murmur as you blush a little.
Minhyuk lets out another squeak. “You guys would be so cute together!”
You shake your head before grumbling, “It doesn’t matter how cute we would be. He’s my sister’s fiancé, I couldn’t do anything even if I wanted to.”
“What makes you think Nina would actually marry this one? She didn’t marry Hyunsuk or Minho or Jinyoung, he might just be another fling,” he explains, trying to buoy your spirits, but you merely shake your head in response, knowing this time is different. Nina has finally landed a man who matches her fame and, now that she has her claws into Jeonghan, she isn’t going to let him go, especially not for you. She’s selfish like that - you can’t blame her though. He’s her man and you know, unless something awful happened, she wasn’t going to let him go.
“Because he’s what she always wanted,” you finally say as they both share a look. “Nina was the type of little girl who dreamed of being an it girl and having a celebrity boyfriend. She knew a successful idol could bank roll her life and now she has Jeonghan, she definitely isn’t going to let him go.”
“What about him? Does he love her that much?” Yeejin asks softly.
You shrug. You honestly don’t know if he’s in love with your sister, but you guess he must be. Only a man in love would put up with all of her bullshit.
“Why did I have to pick the one man I can’t have?” you groan, sticking another spoonful of ice cream into your mouth.
“We don’t choose who we fall for, Y/N, it just sort of happens,” Yeejin says, trying to make you feel better about your predicament. You close your eyes a little and sigh to yourself, wishing that you had fallen for anyone but Jeonghan. Like, why the fuck couldn’t you just fall for Mark? What the hell is wrong with me?, you think to yourself. There’s only one outcome to your story and, it’s definitely not one that favors you, because honestly, what sane man would chose you over your perfect sister?
You run a hair through your head before deciding to head home. A few minutes later, you’re pulling your jacket closer to your body as you step into the lobby of your apartment building, your little frame trembling a little with the chill from the rain outside. It’s unseasonable, it rarely rains in the Seoul summer, but the weather seems fitting to you. The grey clouds seems to be the perfect metaphor for the state of your head.
“You should have worn a warmer coat,” Jeonghan comments, his lean frame perched against the series of mailboxes that stands against the far wall.
“And you should be miles away from here,” you reply sharply.
He lets a melodic laugh escape his lips before taking a pace towards you, his 5'10 frame looming over you. “We had a moment earlier, I thought you’d want to talk about it,” he says, his face held in a half smirk and half earnest smile.
You merely glare at him. “You said that earlier. We ended up kissing. I hardly think it’s a good idea for you to come inside my apartment,” you say before you move to step past him.
“Are you scared, Y/N?” he teases, his brown eyes following the movement of your hips.
“Scared?” you return as you arch an eyebrow.
“Can you not control yourself around me?” he nods, his eyelids battering innocently.
You roll your eyes before saying, “You’re the one intent on making their move.”
He laughs a little. “I swear, no funny business, I just want to talk about what happened earlier,” he muses, smiling earnestly, his hands held up in surrender.
You offer him a little look before you nod, allowing him to follow you towards the elevator.
“You have a nice place, Y/N,” he comments politely as he steps into your apartment. It’s smaller than he expected, a little cramped for him, but he liked it. It seemed very you.
You ignore his compliment, tossing your coat and keys onto the table and turning to face him, your arms folded across you chest. “Speak,” you command.
Jeonghan pushes his hand back through his hair a little, not quite sure what to say.
“You keep trying to kiss me, Jeonghan, there must be a reason for that,” you prompt.
He nods his head. “There’s a reason, but it’s not one you’re going to like.”
“Whatever it is, we need to get it out in the open. We need to decide what we’re going to do,” you say, running a hand through your hair.
He nods softly before taking a few paces towards you, his brown eyes guiding shyly towards yours. “I like you, Y/N,” he mutters, “I mean really, really like you.“
You shake your head a little. “You can’t be serious.”
He eyes you once more before he nods his head. He wished that it wasn’t true, that he hadn’t come to like the sister of his fiancée, but he had. You were everything your sister wasn’t and, he couldn’t help but like you. To fall in love with you. You’re a far better match for him than Nina would ever be.
“Jeonghan, I’m not going to take you from my sister,” you mutter after a moment of thought. It’s tempting, you know you like him back and that you want to be with him, but you also know it’ll ruin your relationship with your already estranged sister. There’s just no way you’d do that to her, it’s not your character.
“Why?” he quips curiously, licking his bottom lip as his forehead crinkles a little.
“Because she’s still my sister and I really think that she may love you. I don’t want to be the reason she gets hurt.”
“But I thought you hated her?”
You shake your head. “It just isn’t going to happen, Jeonghan. You’re her fiancée and that’s all that needs to be said,” you mutter before you move towards him, your lips pressing to his cheek softly.
“You should go home, Hannie, my sister will start wondering where you are,” you say before leaving the room. He watches after you, his cheek tingling from the soft touch of his lips, his heart slowly breaking into tiny pieces.
taglist: @hanihans @sofijaeger @bsshjsjsn @soundershreya @heelariousx @woohoney @veruwu @kayleeshinee @yoonabeo @awkwardnesshabitat @shuatm (send an ask or comment if you wanna be added!)
#seventeen x reader#jeonghan x reader#seventeen scenarios#jeonghan smut#yoon jeonghan fluff#seventeen smut#jeonghan scenarios#jeonghan fluff#yoon jeonghan smut#yoon jeonghan scenarios#svt smut
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Oh goddamn my brain just exploded.
I just watched F. D. Signifier's video on "I Don't Dream of Labour" and just how much the whole discussion operates in a while different reality from the one in which Black American men and the concept of working for a living have historically existed.
His take is enormously well-informed and informative, and this isn't an idea that's of his calibre at all, it's just that his take on the context this discussion is happening in was so insightful that it shook something loose in my brain as relates to my own experiences. Mainly, it helped me contextualize a reaction I'd had last week, in a post about dream jobs outside of capitalism and whether it was okay for "engineer" to be one of them, in my background in white lower-middle class.
Like yes, I do have intellectual reasons for believing what I believe. My work experience, my research, my education in the social sciences, my curiosity about the world around me, my readings of Foucault, have all informed my beliefs that society has chronically devalued forms of labour that, in fact, it depends on so much that the entire system freaks the fuck out if those devalued workers realize that they're valuable enough to demand better.
Signifier's video helped me connect with some of my emotional reactions to socialist and utopian thought, and recognize just how much my views are also rooted in hard gnarly matter of my lived experience, and the lived experiences of the people who raised me.
I dream of labour partly because I've found a line of work that I love and that gives me meaning. But the other thing is, I dream of labour because of a bone-deep tiredness in me that says: If I don't do it, the work won't get done.
I'm a therapist, and the birth of my vocation as a therapist was in the years when I didn't have one or feel like I was allowed to ask for them, and neither did anyone else I knew, and the amount of terror and pain that we all lived with because of it would have ripped a hole in my ability to trust the universe if I hadn't decided to make myself the hero I needed. I say that if I do my work well enough I might contribute to enough social change that I'll put myself out of a job, but in practical reality, I don't think that will happen in my lifetime.
I digress. A few years after that, my mom admitted she had depression and went on disability leave from work because she was pretty damn bad. I remember when we got home after she'd picked me up from school one day, and while she was out of the house, her female friends had come to our house and gone to town on all the housework she'd been struggling to do (and then some; we knew things were different from the front door, because the floor of our mudroom sparkled in a way it never had before).
I remember it so much because I think it was only the second time in my life I'd seen her cry. Because it was so unexpected and such an amazing relief, this sense that someone else would step in and do the work for her. (Yes, my dad and older brothers and I pitched in, but everyone's expectations were that if the house was still standing at the end of our tenure it'd be a net win, and yes, I still feel ashamed for not having done more even if I logically couldn't have.)
This is part of what it means to say my gender is "farm wife". My ancestors were white settlers in western Canada, where farms were divided up in a grid pattern that guaranteed that homesteads would be pretty isolated. My grandmothers were children during the Great Depression. For their mothers, being a farmwife meant doing work their family depended on to survive, and knowing that until their oldest daughter got old enough, there was no one to do the work if they didn't. That sense of necessity lives in us still. My mom will endure a job she hates for ages, but feel unable to quit without having another one lined up. I still have "you do not have to fix it" on my phone lockscreen, because unsolved problems cry out to me in the voice of my terror when I was 13 and nobody was saving me.
The thought of coming home and finding my floor washed for me is so impossibly amazing I don't know how I'd even cope with it. The only person I can currently think of who'd actually do it is my mom. And she and I are still trying to sort out the toxic effects of this legacy, where we take on work because we feel we have to and then get angry when we aren't respected or rewarded for it, or try to avoid being the target of that anger by not asking for help we need. The thought of leaving work undone inspires such a deep, visceral level of fear and shame that it's hard to think around sometimes.
All of which helps me explain and understand my reflexive "Oh, fuck YOU" reaction to people who say that in the future robots will flip our burgers and burp our babies, but in the meantime, it's being corrupted by a neoliberal agenda to try to make the backbreaking work of ordinary people five pounds lighter. I am the enemy if I ever hire someone to wash the floor for me.
I'm not sure that "Oh, fuck you" response is bullshit, though. Like, I feel like I'm supposed to say that my ideological enemy is the capitalist boss who mandates workloads, not the edgelord tankie who sends hatemail to insufficiently radical "liberals", but this entire thought process has just helped me formulate why I hate those goddamn tankies so fucking much.
The work of defeating capitalism is important and real and more people need to be doing it. But it's stark raving idiocy to pretend that it's the most important work there is, because before it comes the work of keeping people alive. The work of keeping people fed and clothed and housed, healthy and well, connected and cared about. And I'm always thrilled when I get to do so in a manner that also resists capitalism, but if the only people helping me do that are capitalists, that is who I'm going to fucking ally with. Because the work needs to be done, and I would like to die without the family curse of never feeling able to trust that people will survive if you pause for one moment making my bones glow in the dark.
So if your only reaction to that is to say I should heroically struggle in ideologically pure isolation because Capitalism Bad but also in Big Rock Candy Communism my work won't be necessary so it's not like you feel any need to help me?
Yeah, you're my enemy. Get out of my fucking way.
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pearl
summary: a day in the life of Silco and his Pearl.
characters: Silco, reader.
warnings: mentions of feeling sadness, drinking.
pairing: platonic silco x reader.
A/N: this is a very special piece I did for @the-wordis-bird as a comission. I tried putting everything I felt you needed right now, and I hope I did a good job. Feel free to react as you wish!
He found her sitting on the top of a roof, holding her knees close to her and looking away to the blinding lights of the parties in the undercity. His heart tightened a bit, knowing why she went there, but still satisfied that he was the one to be there for her. He brushed his hair back and took a deep breath before approaching her.
“Hey there, Pearl. What are you doing here at this time? You know it’s not safe”.
She barely spares a glance his way as he sits beside her.
“I can protect myself”.
Her tone was tired, as if she’d spent the whole day swimming and had stopped just now.
"What 's wrong? You can tell me, I’ll fix it for you” he said gently, brushing her hair away from her face.
Her eyes got red, but not a tear slipped out, and he waited patiently for her to recompose herself, still brushing her hair. She sat up straight, her eyes still away from him, her voice hoarse.
“There’s just a lot on my mind lately. It’s hard to keep track of all my thoughts. I get confused easily. And I feel lonely a lot. Even with you around”.
He felt a pang of guilt hit his chest. He tried to be as present as he could in her life, but he had his obligations and missions as a big personality in the undercity. And lately, with the tension rising between them and Piltover, he had less and less time to spend with her, even if he tried hard to see her every day.
“I’m sorry” He said, pulling his hands to his lap. “But this feeling you have, it happens to everyone. Even me, sometimes. It’s hard to relate to people when your experiences are not similar. But you need to find companionship in the differences. Plus,” he pushed her playfully with his shoulder, earning a smile. “I’m not going anywhere”.
She finally looked at him, big eyes so bright he tried to commit them to memory. She was his priority, his pearl, no matter what. And even if it costs him some advantages, he was going to make more time for her. He smiled back at her, getting up and holding out his hand for her.
“Come one dear, let’s get something to drink”.
She took his hand and he pulled her up, taking a moment to kiss her hand. She felt all the love he held for her, how much he cherished her, and suddenly she didn’t feel so alone. They held hands as they got down from the roof, easy conversation blooming between them.
She didn’t have his violence or calculation, nor he had her hope and optimism, but anyone who looked at them could see they were kindred spirits.
They sat at the bar and told each other about their days, their new projects and any other thoughts that came to mind.
“If we put more people on top of it, it won’t fly as high as it could. It has to work like a taxi of some sort, you know?” She said, moving her cup as she speaked about her newest project, a flying machine that could take people from the undercity to Piltover. Maybe even farther away. “The problem is, I couldn’t even make it fly without any weight on it. I don’t know how to move forward with this”.
“So that’s what’s been bugging you. You could’ve just said so, Pearl, I’d have gotten the best inventors in the continent to make it work. You wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore” He explained to her while watching her think.
She puffed her cheeks and set down her cup on the counter, hard.
“No. I need to figure this out myself. It can’t be someone else’s invention. I can have help, but I need to find the answer on my own. Oh! I know what you can do!” She finished her drink in one gulp and pulled on Silco’s arm hard, yanking him from his chair. “You’ll help me fix it! We’ll find a solution together!”
“Dear, I’m not an inventor” He tried to make her stop by speaking louder, but she just guided him through the crowded streets, back to her workshop, smiling the whole way.
Once they arrived, she showed him all the equations, drawings, notes and graphics regarding that project, and then the real thing, the boat-sized circular circle with jets on the bottom of it. She broke it down in the easiest way she could, until he started getting the hang of it.
Slowly, they found the beginning of the solution for the problem at hand. Silco had his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and his pearl had grimy marks all over her face. He felt warm in his chest, knowing she was feeling better, and being so excited about things again. But it was getting late, and she looked more tired than awake at the moment.
“You can finish it up tomorrow. I’ll even help you name it. But it’s time to go to bed, dear” He took her in his arms as if she was still a child, so small she could barely walk, so tired she could barely keep her eyes open.
“No, we can do it right now! We are so close. I don’t wanna sleep” She mumbled, holding his neck with a tight grip when he tried to drop her in the bed.
“I know, but I’m tired too. We need to rest, tomorrow we’ll get it all done” he tucks her in, pulling the covers on top of her and taking her huge goggles off her face. Out of nowhere, she pulls his wrist back, her eyes still closed.
“I don’t want you to go. I don’t like the dark”.
His eyes soften and he brushes her hair with his hand once again, a small smile on his lips.
“I’ll stay until you fall asleep, and I’ll scare all the monsters away”.
He sat by her side on the floor, kissing her hand to make her let go. He didn’t leave until the sun was starting to rise, even after she’d fallen asleep. He was also scared of what the dark could do to her. He made sure to leave all the lights on as he left to his house, heart filled with so much love he thought he might explode.
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kiss the girl | ch 1
Fandom: Tears of Themis Characters: Artem x Reader
Summary: Armed with a trusty book, Artem Wing attempts to win the woman of his dreams.
A/N: Artem’s personal story cracked me up so much that I had to write a fic about him with a less dense MC to troll him. :)
***
It’s no secret that Artem is a genius. As the youngest person in Stellis to become a senior attorney, the firm has attracted hordes of clients seeking his services despite his higher-than-average hourly billing rates. Themis Law Firm may be a relatively new firm and much smaller compared to the bigger, reputable and more established ones in Stellis, but Artem’s presence has made it a force to be reckoned with in this industry.
And yet, despite being perhaps one of the finest lawyers of his time, the Artem you know is quite something else altogether. You don’t really know how to explain it. Sure, he’s your boss and you admire his work ethic, intelligence, wit, charisma… the list could go on and on. But over the past few weeks it’s become evident that even geniuses like Artem lack in some ways.
In Artem’s case, the area of lack is painfully obvious.
“So what kind of man are you into? We’ve all shared, it’s your turn now.” Celestine is sitting on the edge of your desk, a playful smirk on her lips as she sips her coffee.
“Well… I don’t know…” Your words trail off as your eyes dart towards the pantry, where you spot the familiar back of your boss who’s trying very hard to blend into the side of the fridge at the moment. Needless to say, he’s not doing a very good job. He’s been stirring that cup of coffee for the past ten minutes now—yes, you’ve been keeping track ever since you noticed him come to the pantry for coffee despite having a coffee machine in his own office—and you’ve already spotted him glancing over in your direction at least twice when he thought you weren’t looking.
It’s been like this for the past few weeks. You didn’t really pick up on the signs at first: Artem leaving work almost always at the same time that you do, your conversations about work almost always ending with personal questions to get to know your likes and dislikes, and the unusual number of times he would walk out of his office a day to pay a visit to the pantry, only to leave empty-handed.
But one incident became two, two became four, and it didn’t take much brainpower to figure out that he was oddly interested in matters involving you. It doesn’t matter if it’s about work or about your personal life, he seems to want to know everything, but especially about your love life and love interests.
If the fact that he’s been not-so-subtly eavesdropping on your conversations with Kiki and Celestine in the office isn’t clear enough, then nothing will be.
You could just clear the air with him directly, although there’s that lingering fear of, “What if he isn’t actually interested?” It’s not like you can read his mind; maybe he’s just doing this shoddy spywork in an attempt to know his employees better. Something about employee welfare and morale building maybe—you wouldn’t put it past him.
But then you think about it deeper and realise it can’t be, especially not when Celestine isn’t that subtle either with her pointed glances in your direction before staring straight at Artem with a smirk on her lips. She obviously knows what Artem is up to and is in on it somehow, which might be why lately she’s been asking you all sorts of questions relating to your love life whenever Artem happens to stroll into the pantry yet again.
Just like that three weeks have passed, and you still haven’t gotten around to talking to Artem about it. It’s not for a lack of guts; really, it’s not. It’s just… it’s quite amusing to see Artem Wing, the youngest senior attorney in Stellis, a brilliant mind who usually has the answers to every legal problem, at a complete and utter loss.
“The kind of guy I like… I think I’ll know when I meet him...” The answer is deliberately vague, which makes Kiki groan and Celestine click her tongue in dissatisfaction. Your attention, however, is focused on the back figure of your boss whose head is now drooping like a wilted flower.
“...and I think I’ve found one.”
In that instant, his head perks up, as do Kiki’s and Celestine’s. They begin to badger you for details, but your stubborn lips won’t budge. When you hear footsteps coming from the pantry, you allow your eyes to dart upwards only once, and you see Artem’s usual cool demeanour and straight face as he returns to his office.
Your lips curl into a tiny smirk when you notice that the mug of cold coffee is still sitting on the pantry counter.
***
She found one…
The sentence she just said is playing over like a broken record in his head, much like when he’s mulling over a witness’ statement when preparing for a cross-examination.
Does that mean she’s met someone who might be her type? Or is she already dating someone?
No wait, it can’t be the latter. She just told Celestine last week that she wasn’t seeing anyone because she’s “married to work”.
A chuckle spills past his lips before he realises it—that’s the kind of thing he tells his relatives when they pester him about not having a girlfriend at his age.
His smile quickly fades however, when he remembers the dilemma he’s in. Her answer left no room for him to guess what kind of guy she likes, let alone whether he fits into that box. And the fact that she’s found someone who’s her type… Does that mean he’s already lost the battle before he could even try?
A knock on his office door jolts him out of his reverie, and he barely has time to clear his throat and fix his tie before Celestine enters the room. There’s only one reason she comes into his office when he doesn’t call her in, and it’s written all over her amused face.
“I think she noticed you in the pantry this time. You stood there for way too long—even Kiki was starting to notice.”
Artem groans, leaning back in his seat and turning away so Celestine won’t have to see him crumble internally and wallow in shame. First, she has a type, and now she’s noticed him needlessly hanging around the pantry, suspecting that he’s been eavesdropping on her conversations (which he has). She must think poorly of him now.
“Don’t look so down, I think you still have a shot.”
“What shot?” he asks with a sigh, fumbling with the knot of his tie to loosen it. “She’s already found someone who’s her type.”
“She never said she was dating him. She could just be, you know...” Celestine waves her hand in a gesture that Artem can’t understand, “...making a general statement of some sort. Point is, you can still try. Don’t give up.”
“As a lawyer, shouldn’t you be advising your client to give up if there are better alternative modes of settlement?”
His know-it-all response is not appreciated, and Celestine folds her arms across her chest, glowering at him. “Artem. She’s not a case that you need to solve. This is about love! Romance! The heart! Read a book about it, will you?”
“I have, but nothing has worked so far. The advice in the book is at best ineffective, at worst a hoax.” He glares at the book on his desk, and Celestine follows his gaze to it before she recognises it as the book she’d given him a few weeks back.
For the first time since coming in, her gaze turns into something more sympathetic. Artem isn’t sure he appreciates the sentiment.
“Trust me on this, Artem. Don’t give up yet. I really think you still have a chance.”
“I do?” He perks up at that, raising a brow. “Did she say something about me?”
“Not exactly…” Celestine grimaces when he starts sulking again. “But it’s a woman’s intuition. Trust me. I know her better than you do.”
At his prolonged silence, she adds, “We both know my intuition is way more reliable than your gut feelings when it comes to relationship advice.”
The silence lingers on for a few more minutes, before Artem finally relents with a sigh. He doesn’t say anything however, merely fixing his tie and picking up the book from his desk to put in his drawer.
“...You really should get back to work now.”
“Got it, boss.” Her tone is patronising as always, and she throws what’s probably meant to be an encouraging smile his way before she finally leaves him alone to his thoughts, although Artem can’t help but wonder if she’s still laughing at him internally.
In his now quiet office, his breathing is the only thing that can be heard. He picks up his pen and flips open the case file he was reading earlier before he left to visit the pantry.
But then not even a minute passes before his office is filled with the repeated sound of a pen clicking, a dejected sigh... and then the sound of his drawer opening once more.
#tears of themis#tears of themis artem#artem wing#artem#tears of themis fanfiction#tears of themis fanfic#artem fanfiction#artem wing fanfiction#artem fanfic#he cracks me up so much#my writing#kiss the girl
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almost caught
something for @jilytoberfest! prompt: "if we get caught-" "i'll make it worth your while, i promise."
i wrote this quickly and didn't revise it a ton, but im just excited to contribute for jilytober!!! hope you lovely's like:)
"Okay, James. I'm going to be completely frank here- and I wholeheartedly mean every word when I say this- this is perhaps the stupidest idea you've ever had- and you've had loads of stupid idea's."
"Oh, come on. Try to have some faith in me," James whispered back, opening one of the drawers of the desk. They were in the Ravenclaw Prefect's office. James had suspected that the Prefects were somehow involved with their Quidditch team cheating by using weighted and magic-infused balls. The only evidence he had to back his theory up was a "gut feeling" and the fact that the bludgers seemed to target the other team more often, which Lily chalked up to confirmation bias. While she disagreed with cheating, she figured a better idea was to talk to their Prefects, not snoop through their office.
"Famous last words," Lily rolled her eyes, "I can't believe that I let you drag me into this. If we get caught-"
"I'll make it worth your while, I promise," The boy reassured her as he looked up at Lily, messy dark curls hanging in front of his eyes. He had finished looking in the first drawer and moved to the one below it, quickly searching. Lily wasn't sure what he meant by that, "Besides, we won't get caught. Now, are you going to start searching, or are you going to make me do all the work like usual?"
"Like usual? Excuse me?" Lily said. She was standing in front of him, hands firmly planted on her hips disapprovingly before turning to the cabinets. Besides breaking his collarbone last night in a quidditch game (Which Madam Pomfrey fixed just fine, and if he followed her instructions, he'd be totally healed in days), the year was going swimmingly for James and Lily. She enjoyed working with him as Heads and was seeing real change in him. He was no longer a bully, and in fact, he always shut that sort of thing down.
"I don't even know what I'm looking for."
James just chuckled as he closed the second drawer, kneeling to search the third drawer, "Probably anything quidditch related."
"You've got the wrong person for this," Lily sighed. That was probably true. She knew nothing of sports- both muggle and wizard alike. She turned to the cabinets on the far wall, which was full of books, mostly student records, and smelled musty.
"You know, this would be so much easier if you just agreed to use the cloak with me," James commented as he stood up and brushed off his pants. Lily had grown to like him over the past few months and didn't mind working with him as co-Heads. He was kind, responsible, and enthusiastic enough that almost everyone adored him- even Lily. She was even starting to get butterflies around him, something she never thought could happen.
"I'm never going under that damn cloak with you," Lily said as she took out a book of student records. She dusted it off and then put it back where she found it.
"Never is a strong word," James said as he walked over to the wardrobe. He opened it up and stepped inside, pressing against the back of it to see if any secret openings were on the back wall.
"I know," Lily said, following him and standing behind him, "That's why I said it."
That's when they heard the door handle jiggle, indicating that someone was trying to come in.
Lily, panicking, looked up at James. He quickly grabbed her by her waist and lifted her into the broom closet, quietly slamming the door. One hand was on her waist, the other over her mouth to try and keep her quiet. He gently took it off and put it behind her head. One hand was still on her waist as he tangled his other in her hair.
Fucking hell, he was hot.
Lily's hands were holding tightly at the bottom hem of her skirt. She knew that if she didn't plant them there, they'd undoubtedly find themselves tangled in James's dark locks.
"Maybe you were right about that cloak," Lily whispered as they were both breathing heavily and pressed up against each other. She wondered if he could feel how hard her heart was beating. She wasn't sure if that was from fear of getting caught or being so close to James.
James just brought his finger back to her lips and shushed her softly. His breath was softly blowing on her bangs, which caused them to tickle her forehead. All Lily could do was look up at him, remembering what was going on outside the cabinet, hearing the door open. He then anxiously looked out through the crack of the wooden doors, trying to watch whoever she heard come in. Lily tried to ignore the way he was clenching his jaw. She noticed that was a sort of nervous tick of his, something that he did when anxious. One hand was still on her waist, the other resting on her hair on the nape of her neck.
Why was she caring more about James's hands on her than she did at the idea of getting caught?
"Weird, I swore I heard voices," Sabrina Wood, the sixth year Prefect, said.
"So did I," Robert Thomas responded.
James, seeming to spot something above Lily's head, quickly reached his hand up. However, he never got to inspect what he wanted to. Lily heard the sound of his collarbone crack, implying that it was rebroken. While Madam Pomfrey had patched him up just fine, she said he needed to refrain from sudden movements of reaching above his head. Lily now realized this was why.
James leaned forward and grimaced in pain. Still on Lily's neck, his hand grabbed a fistful of her hair and pulled at it slightly.
"Fuck," He groaned quietly in Lily's ear, and she felt his hot breath against her ear and neck. Her eyes widened at how attractive that word was coming from his lips, silently cursing herself at the sinful thoughts that flashed in her mind.
The sound of footsteps walking around the office brought Lily back to the current reality. She looked above her see his arm clenched in a fist. He was in a lot of pain.
Wordlessly, she pulled out her wand and pointed it at his broken collarbone. She had practised nonverbal spells a number of times, although never this one. She wasn't sure if she'd ever done this one on a human before.
The footsteps were walking towards the wardrobe and she looked at James. He had relaxed his grip on Lily's hair (much to her disappointment) and moved it to her waist. He nodded slightly, giving her permission to try.
She wordlessly performed the healing charm. James gripped at her shirt in response to the painful snap of bone back in place, just as they heard Robert say something about how they needed to get back to their rounds. They heard the two leave and the door close, listening to the charm the Prefects performed to lock the door. Once they determined they were alone, James let out another groan as he brought his hand down from above Lily's head.
"Good girl," He exhaled as he melted into her, and Lily's eyes widened again. That should not make her feel the way it did, but regardless her toes crinkled and she tightened her grip on her wand.
"You alright?" She asked sheepishly, trying to relax. She was feeling bashful and disappointed that they now had to exit the wardrobe.
James, slightly sweaty from the pain, nodded and raised his other arm to what he wanted to look at earlier. He pressed against the wall, and a hidden drawer slightly popped out. He reached his hand in and pulled out a piece of parchment from inside it.
"Lumos," he said, still breathing heavily. The room lit up, and Lily looked at James, light reflecting on his glasses. He was looking so damn good, skin sticky and lips soft. She fought against the image of something else that could make James groan, sweat, and breathe heavily.
They both looked at the parchment, and written in neat handwriting was "For those who forget, use wingardium leviosa to control replaced quaffles."
James looked up at Lily, a victorious smirk on his face, which Lily couldn't help but smile at.
"God damn it," Lily said, annoyed that he was but also influenced by his contagious smile, "You actually were right."
"We did it, Evans," James said excitedly, putting his hands on her face and shaking it with enthusiasm.
Lily laughed, blushing at his hand placement, "For Ravenclaws, they really are thick. That was way too easy to find."
James shrugged and dropped his hands, "I don't really care too much. We'll take this right to McGonagall. She'll sort this whole thing out."
Lily nodded as he opened the wardrobe door, feeling the cooler air hit their skin. She blinked at the sudden brightness as he helped her out.
"I can't believe you could do that spell so well, and wordlessly too! You never fail to astonish me with your brilliance," James ruffled her hair with his empty hand and pocketed the parchment with his other.
Lily, blushing harder, smiled at him, "Says the idiot who rebroke his collarbone."
"True," James just laughed, putting his hand on Lily's back to push her forward. He then put both hands on her shoulder and shook them back and forth as he guided her out of the door of the office and down the corridor, "What would I do without you, Evans? My saviour."
Lily just laughed as she shrugged off his hands, playfully pushing him. She looked up at him, his hands clasped behind his back and glasses peering down at her.
"Probably walk around with a broken collarbone."
"Of course," He looked forward, "I've got a question for you, Miss Evans."
Lily's stomach lurched at that statement, and she bit her lip in anticipation, "Yes?"
He stepped in front of her, stopping her. His hands were still behind his back, and he looked down at her. They were nearly as close as they were in the wardrobe.
"Did you think about kissing me in that wardrobe?"
Shit. Fuck. How did he know??
Her stomach dropped, and while she was taken back from the question, but decided she wasn't too mad about it. So they were doing this now?
Lily, full of panic and anxiety, was determined to remain as calm and collected on the outside as she could. She smirked and tilted her head flirtatiously.
"Maybe. What's it to you?"
James smirked back and stepped back to Lily's side as they started to walk again, "Why didn't you?"
"For starters," Lily said, deciding to remain confident, started to lie, "You had a broken bone and seemed to be in a decent amount of pain."
James scoffed sarcastically, "I don't know what you're talking about. Didn't hurt at all."
"Ah, of course, it didn't," Lily looked at her feet as they walked as she remembered the way that he grabbed at her hair and his tone when he whispered "Fuck" in her ear. She got chills again.
They were heading to McGonagall's office. She wasn't sure how James would explain how he obtained the evidence to McGonagall, but she wasn't thinking about that too much at that point. They were talking about kissing, something much more compelling and appealing to Lily.
"Regardless, and back to the more important thing at hand," He smirked at her as he leaned to whisper in her ear, sending chills up Lily's spine, "Perhaps we can get stuck in another wardrobe soon- and don't hold back next time. I still have to make it up to you for nearly getting caught."
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