#I think I got a bit carried away again

[quibbs126]

Okay wait, who the hell is supposed to be the villain of the next batch of Earthspark episodes?

Because correct me if I’m wrong, which I might be since it’s been like 2 months since Season 3 came out, the Quintessons are pretty dead by the end of it, I don’t think they can come back. I’m also not sure if this next batch will be Season 3 part 2 or Season 4, but if it’s the former, then frankly I’m even more confused since I feel like the final boss of the season should connect to the mid season one. But again, the state of the Quintessons

I mean if it’s Season 3 part 2, then my best guess is someone else from space, likely Cybertron? Again it’s been a while since I’ve seen the season, but I do recall a lot of attention on Cybertron, with Prowl being sent from there and the Decepticons on Earth taking Prowl’s ship to return there. So I feel like logically, Cybertron will be incorporated more

Personally I think it’d be pretty cool if the new villain was like, a new ruler of the Decepticons that took over after the destruction of the space bridge. Granted, that’s mostly because I want to see the conflict for Megatron in that scenario. But it’d also be interesting if it were the Cybertronian Autobots, that don’t agree with the ideals of the ones on Earth anymore, and/or cause issues for the Terrans and Megatron, being the former Decepticon leader. I don’t know, there’s things you can do with it

But also since we’re here, I’m really noticing the weirdness of the final villains. In each Season 1 batch, it was Mandroid and his machinations, they were all consistent. Then in Season 2, it’s Starscream with Terratronus. Then in Season 3, it’s the Quintessons, which did have some buildup in Season 2, sure, but it’s got very little to do with the villains of last season. And now the Quintessons are completely gone, so who’s the villain now, especially if there’s more Season 3 to go? I have to assume the next villain is gonna have little to do with the Quintessons then

I mean I guess Mandroid doesn’t have much to do with the other main villains as well, outside of his involvement with hunting Decepticons but that doesn’t come up much I don’t think. But like, within the same time span it took to finally defeat Mandroid, we’ll have had 3 completely separate villains

And also, I don’t feel like you have the Quintessons as a mid-season boss, at least not in the fashion we finished them off, that’s season finale treatment. How are you supposed to top that?

I don’t know, I just don’t think I understand these choices

But quite frankly, I have to assume the next villain will be in space, because with Terratronus fully awakened and on the good guy side, how are any threats supposed to stop them now?

[nobluesea]

A blow straight through the heart.

Fic so good it ended me my art slump

The image quality got messed up, click here for a better version

[gen-toon]

[st4rstudent]

bugthinker but I just did whatever to him

bonus slop

[sunfloweraro]

Sky’s still got it

Sky plays a certain soothing tune on his harp to help Bunny get some rest. It works a little too well.

Tags: @thatonecrazysidekick and @tiredgaytheatrekid

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 .

Sky began to pluck the strings for one last song, his eyes slipping shut as he thought of his beloved back home, often troubled by nightmares after her journey, similar to the ones that plagued him. He would sit by their bed after a bad dream of hers, once he had comforted her and wiped her tears away with his thumb, and he would play her this song. Zelda would never fall asleep in the first play-through, rarely the second, but by the third, soft snores would always escape her despite her insistence that she wouldn’t be able to sleep again that night.

As Sky played the final note, letting it linger on the air sweetly, he opened his eyes, slow and calm. All around him, the Zora had fallen asleep, either leaning against each other or curled up on the floor. Four had drifted off against the railing, his relaxed features making him look much younger than he normally did. Time leaned back against the wall of the Domain, arms crossed and chin lowered to his chest, fast asleep.

And next to Sky, Bunny had slumped, his breathing deep and even as Sky had hoped it would be.

“Still got it,” Sky murmured to himself, pride glowing within his chest at having knocked out both their normally serious Smithy and the Old Man, and at having helped Bunny get some rest after such an eventful day.

“That ye do.” Sky jumped, raising a hand to his chest when he realised it was only Twilight, leaning against the railing of the stairs, staring down at him with a fanged smile. “Sorry, we didn’ mean tah scare ye.”

It was then Sky realised Wild stood across from Twilight, his slate out as he attempted to capture an image of Time, conked out against the wall. He snapped a couple before Twilight grabbed him by the back of the shirt and dragged him away.

“That’s enough. We need tuh wake ‘em up”—Twilight jerked a thumb back at the sleeping Zora—“and get this lot in bed. We’ve a busy day ahead of us tomorrow and the last thing I wan’ is to listen to the Old Man bitch about ‘is sore back.”

Sky couldn’t help but snort, raising a hand to his mouth to stifle the sound. Wild had no qualms with bursting into laughter, quickly achieving their task of waking the Zora with their sensitive hearing. Grumbles were sent his way, and they received a half-apologetic wave before they dispersed.

“Ah’ve got this one,” Twilight said, already crouching by Time. Rather than shaking him by the shoulder to wake him, Twilight carefully picked up Time, carrying him effortlessly in his arms like Time was a toddler who had fallen asleep at a family gathering. Sky couldn’t help but chuckle to himself at the thought, turning back to Bunny and Four.

“How strong are you feeling today, my dear Champion?”

“We both know these two will weigh about the same,” Wild shot back. “Your choice.”

Rolling his eyes, Sky pushed himself to his feet, dusting off the front of his pants, a force of habit from the many times he had been knocked down on his quest that he couldn’t quite shake. He passed his harp to Wild to be stored in his slate for the moment. “We both know while our Smithy is small, he’s all muscle. I’ll ask again, how strong are you feeling?”

“In that case, I’m taking Bunny.”

“Ye jus’ wanna cuddle ‘im.”

“Perhaps,” Wild said as he scooped Bunny up into his arms, cradling him close like Hyrule and Twilight always did. “Oh. Oh, I see why you two want to carry him all the time. He’s so soft.”

Twilight grinned a fanged grin. “That ‘e is. Be careful with ‘im, yeah?”

Where he might normally take the words as offensive, Wild merely nodded, as if the weight and warmth of a real, breathing creature on his shoulder gave something to Twilight’s words he never heard when he was handling an item. “I will,” he promised.

“In the case,” Sky said, not at all upset he missed out on carrying Bunny when it meant he got to ensure his close friend slept somewhere comfortable and warm. He gathered Four in his arms, grateful he had thought to consider Four’s strength rather than assuming their Smithy would weigh next to nothing with his height. “Shall we?” Sky asked, holding Four closer, smiling when Four leaned his head against Sky’s chest in his sleep, hands reaching out to grasp at the front of his shirt.

“Let’s.”

[apricustar]

Hii JD! I was reading your take on Buck talking about transferring and IDK if this is too personal, but the way you write about Buck sometimes really hits close to home. I do a lot of similar things where I feel like things are on me even if they might not be. How do you break that pattern? What do you think it would take for Buck to break that pattern?

hi nonnie, first of all, thank you for this message, and for trusting me with something personal! (the og post for anyone wanting to read)

let me start by saying this: it hits close to home for me too. i think a big reason i write about buck in the way i do is because i see and understand him; or maybe more truthfully: because i see myself in him. 

watching him at times feels a bit like looking into a mirror. i know why it is he does the things he does, because i've done them too.

there’s that awful feeling of never feeling quite good enough—for someone to stay, to choose you, to love you the way you so badly want to be loved. feeling like too much—like you're taking up too much space, talk too loudly, say too much. believing that if anyone were to fully, really see you, they'd leave; because eventually, it feels like everyone does.

so you start to preempt it. you pull back first. shrink yourself down. maybe start a few arguments, say and do some things without much thought. you make it easier for people to walk away by convincing yourself they were going to anyway. it feels easier if it's on your terms—more manageable, less painful.

i know that spiral all too well. someone's voice changes and my first thought is always what did i do? what did i say wrong? (i wrote more in detail about buck doing this here if you want to read that...) like, okay, the other day i came home and said hi to my roommate. she said hi back but sounded VERY subdued; i took it as her being upset with me. which was made worse by her not asking about how my classes were like usual. instantly my brain was like oh god, she's mad at me, what did i do??? i ran through a whole list of possible offenses and felt so anxious!!!

and then later she came around and told me she'd gotten a grade she was upset about. we talked about the grade and stuff of course, but then i told her i thought she had been mad at me. she was confused and laughed and then i laughed and we then were both laughing and i was like shit! more than 9 times out of 10 it has nothing to do with me, but still, my first instinct is blaming myself and i feel this horrible stomach-dropping anxiety. 

so, so. so buck. how do you break that pattern? how will buck break that pattern? well, to be clear, i am not a mental health professional, nor will i claim to be (though, i am getting my degree!). but from where i stand, i think the first step is recognizing the pattern for what it is: a defense mechanism. a way of trying to grab onto whatever thread of control you can in situations that feel uncertain and overwhelming. 

it comes from somewhere, of course. when you grow up having to guess what version of love—what version of your caretakers—you’re going to get (if you get it at all), you start to prepare for the worst. you scan for danger. you take blame as a shortcut to control: if it’s my fault, maybe i can fix it. maybe i can be better.

and that kind of self-blame becomes automatic—deeply and painfully familiar. a thought cycle that loops endlessly, until it feels like instinct. the truth is, it once served a purpose. but it doesn’t have to keep defining how you move through the world.

one of the best tools for breaking those loops—besides awareness and practicing self-compassion—is learning how to challenge and reframe the thoughts themselves. this is where something like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can be incredibly powerful. buck struggles with thoughts like: i ruined everything. i make things worse. if i were better—if I tried harder—this wouldn't have happened. this is all my fault.

CBT helps you slow down in those spirals and ask things like: is this true? is there evidence for it? is there another explanation? it teaches you to catch these thoughts and gently rework them—not 'i always ruin everything,' but 'i made a mistake this time, and that doesn't define me.'

buck's healing won't come from just rewiring those beliefs internally. it's also going to come from the outside—from safety, from consistency, from relationships that stay steady even when he falters. he needs to find someone who doesn't just say 'you matter,' but shows him—again and again—that he doesn't have to be perfect or performative to be worth staying, worth loving.

he has this in the 118– in eddie. he just needs to start believing it.

and that in large part comes from experiencing it over and over again. from letting people close, even when every alarm in his brain is telling him to brace for impact. from trusting that silence doesn't always mean upset, that distance doesn't always mean abandonment. from realizing that real love doesn't evaporate the moment he stops proving himself.

healing doesn't always look like big revelations. sometimes it's choosing to stay—to keep trying—even when you're afraid, especially when you're afraid. it's trying to be kind to yourself even when you feel like you're on a hamster wheel going a million miles. it’s pausing to breathe. to rework the story you’re telling yourself. to stop turning every misstep into a sweeping conclusion about your worth.

it’s learning to believe the kind things someone says, even when they feel impossible. it’s understanding that being loved isn’t a transaction—it’s a truth.

and maybe that's how the pattern finally breaks: not all at once, not in one giant grand gesture, but in the quiet, day-to-day moments. when buck allows himself patience. when he forgives himself. when he doesn’t run. when he lets someone stay. when he starts to believe that maybe—just maybe—he was never too much to begin with. when he allows himself to simply receive affection and care without first questioning it or believing it an impossibility. 

[frayedcircus]

i finally finished that drawing challenge :D

in order from left to right(top row then bottom row), these ocs belong to @0m3n-0f-d3ath, @artsandstoriesandstuff, @hiimerick, @yellowfrog456, @puffpastrycrimewatch, and @clownpalette

this was so fun to do thank you all so much!!

(individual versions of each character under the cut)

they look like trading cards lol

[pup-pee]

she red on my stoner until the red sun never sets IT NEVER SETS I AHVENT SLEPT

[wikoymi]

idiots

[krystaldeath]

Me: I actually think the reason why Leshy was in the Devolver Father’s Day post is cause in that specific picture he was a bartender giving a bunch of beer and that’s a classic Dad Drink so I don’t really think it was meant to imply he was a dad himself

Also me: imagines up his demigod butterfly-worm daughter who he got from a one night stand in his early godhood who still roams the deepest parts of Darkwood killing her own father’s followers

[caterpillarinacave]

i saw in the tags of your henry and mortmain posts that you’d like people to ask you about them :) — and tbh i’d love to hear more about the parallels between them that you mention in the post :D

Before I begin, I’m so sorry I took so so long to answer! I have been pretty busy and could definitely do a longer breakdown of all this but it’s already been a month and it’s going to drive me insane if I leave thing unanswered any longer. 

I’ll need to do a full re-read of the trilogy to really answer the questions but here are some thoughts that are very interesting to me. Please excuse any incoherent-ness, (and grammar issues, and repetition issues, and poor citation, and spelling, and rambling, etc, etc) i have spent so long staring at the document i wrote this on trying to get my brain to work I may have totally lost the plot. Just trust me guys I’ve got a PhD in Henry Fairchild.  

Lets start off with the most obvious parallel, that being their work. On a strictly physical level the work they do is very similar- they both approach magic through science and vice versa in a notably unique fashion. Stylistically and functionally the things each of them create has a decently sized overla and Henry has no problem understanding Mortmain’s creations. Mortmain favors clockwork for his creations and while Henry doesn’t specifically focus on such things he is very familiar with them, and interested to boot. 

Mortmain is quite brilliant, in multiple ways. Most people could not manage the type of thing he pulls off consistently; Henry *probably* could. It’s worth noting Henry is severely limited by Shadowunter laws; in the third book we see the only reason he hasn’t invented a portal entirely by himself is because he can only work with a specific set of runes (Clockwork Princess, pg. 282). Even working in the tight restraints of Shadowhunter resources, and only being around 21 in the books, he’s extremely competent. 

Furthermore, Henry does not approach things with the period typical Shadowhunter judgement; as a matter of fact he essentially does not function within society as a Shadowhunter. To unpack that lets look at where Mortmain and Henry stand in relation to broader society. 

The London Shadowhunters in this time period can be described, for lack of a better word, as pissy. Judgmental, bored, aggressive, whiny, chronically dissatisfied, dramatic, dismissive, sometimes downright cruel, etc, etc. Pissy. They’re really pissy. 

Henry, objectively speaking, does not fit into all this, and is punished for it (see pgs 281-283 CP3). The general public treats him horribly. Recall in Clockwork Angel Charlotte tells Tessa that Henry was the one who told Mortmain what a Pyxis was (which is, again, a different rant), that he wants her to tell the Clave and that she won’t because “they already treat him so badly”. And they do- nearly every single interaction involving him and broader Shadowhunter society involves some sort of insult, mockery, slight, etc. Almost nobody but Charlotte ever objects to this behavior and her objections have zero effect. “Making fun of Henry” is pretty much an unopposed standard. 

There’s no fair reason for this. Henry is, by all accounts, an extremely pleasant person. He’s repeatedly described as “kind”- Tessa has him pinned as a trustworthy person almost immediately (“it’s only Henry, after all”). He’s rarely upset, laid back, well intentioned, and generally polite. He doesn’t have a mean bone in his body. 

Imo he probably would have been treated better if he did respond in kind- or even if he had just fully withdrawn from Shadowhunter society. His persistent refusal to hold a grudge, a generally positive trait, shoots him in the foot. This is only compounded by his general disinterest in things like physical fighting, politics, and social structure. He hasn’t done anything wrong- quite the opposite- but he’s being punished by his peers for the crime of being earnestly odd (coughhasblatantlyautisticcough). 

Mortmain, being a human child raised by warlocks, obviously does not fit into any particular standard. He doesn't have any particular loyalty to a party. Rather, he mostly defines his identity with his hatred for Shadowhunters, and connects with other groups transactionally with this in mind. 

He has been wronged by the Shadowhunters, when his parents were killed and then in the aftermath. The Clave denying his request for reparations and, by extent, denying any wrongdoing in their actions, is a smack in the face from a powerful society. 

With this in mind they would be both well within their rights to resent the Shadowhunters and they respond to that in fully opposite ways. 

Henry doesn’t resent them- at all. Despite how horribly he is treated, which, one can note, does not stop after the battle of Cadair Idris, he chooses to let it go and actively work to make life better for those same people. (Clockwork Prince; “You know it isn't just tinkering for me. You know I want to create something that will make the world better, that will make things better for the Nephilim.”), He views that cruelty as a part of life as a Shadowhunter but not the defining part of that society. It’s just a thing that happens- it sucks, it hurts, but he’s not going to blame or punish the whole group because of it. 

Mortmain’s is entirely the opposite. He hates them and views all the Shadowhunters as irredeemably wrong, fully deserving of a violent fate. All of them. He’s obsessed with destroying all these people despite most of the individuals who hurt him directly being gone. He blames them all, intends to carry out a mass punishment and doesn’t care about anything else.

He is deeply resentful, yeah, but he also wants more for himself. He doesn’t just want revenge, he wants a disgusting amount of power, a total victory over anything he choses, power mainly for the sake of having power. 

Now we can circle back to that earlier point- Henry could be like Mortmain. 

Recall in Clockwork Angel when they first bring back the automaton for Henry to examine in his lab he’s not just interested in the machine- he’s excited about it.He recognizes it to be a brilliant work of science and design, something incredibly impressive and compelling. This is not the sort of thing anyone sees everyday and it’s certainly not the sort of thing a Shadowhunter would interact with. This is exactly the sort of thing he loves, the sort of thing nobody else ever brings up, and it’s exciting to see. 

As the books continue nobody else is ever caught up on the functional skills of the machinery itself. People talk about Mortmain, about what is happening, what to do, etc, etc, but the fact that the automatons are a feat of engineering is just not on anybody's radar. It’s not the sort of thing any Shadowhunter gives shit about, save Henry. 

So Henry has the same intellectual capacity as Mortmain, the same scientific and magical capacity, and a not dissimilar approach to thinking. 

He could pretty much disappear and do whatever he wanted forever. He could ditch the Nephilim. He could walk off without telling anybody and never bother with the Clave’s again. He could go off and study all the things Shadowhunter’s are banned from. He could create whatever he wanted completely unencumbered by the restrictions of the Nephilim (see pg.283 of CP3). Chances are nobody would pick up on it. One of the major flaws of that group of Shadowhunters is that they’re very self focused. If someone they aren’t particularly fond of, who doesn’t fit into their narrow view of someone that deserves respect, stops showing up and interacting with them they are not gonna make any real effort to figure out where they’ve gone. If Henry wasn’t around to “annoy” them none of them wouldn't go looking for him and they don’t have enough respect for innovation to wonder what he’s up to. 

Remember, nobody cares about what he does (Clockwork Princess: Henry blushed a scarlet color. It was clear that no one had ever complimented his inventing before, except perhaps Charlotte. Pg. 282 ) 

He could have a whole new world of resources without having to deal with a society that thoroughly rejects him. He could do the one thing everyone thinks he loves the most. Hell, from an outsider point of view, the only thing he loves. He’ll happily spend days straight working, forgetting to eat, sleep, or anything else.

It’s theoretically not difficult to imagine a universe where he skips out of Shadowhunter society completely and has been wandering around the same circles as Mortmain for forever. 

(He doesn’t ofc because that would be betrayal. It would require breaking the law, throwing away all social and civic responsibility, abandoning the whole kit and kaboodle, blah blah, certainly not related to other very elaborate thoughts I have about this character.)

The point here is that they are so similar save that fact. Their scientific approach to the world, which absolutely defines that way Henry exists and, at least at some point in his life, probably defined Mortmain, are so similar. If you laid the basic facts all out to someone with no context other previous knowledge on the characters (here is what they do, here is what they’re best at, here is what they bring physically to the table etc and exclude personality, morality, relationships, etc) and asked them to point out a character most like Mortmain they’d probably point to Henry. 

Hell, I’d point to Henry. I’d say yeah, that’s a set up for someone to go full mad scientist and wander off to do whatever he wants. I’d say that's the character most likely to agree to use human bodies to power machinery. 

Recall back to Clockwork Angel (and like, two paragraphs ago) about the automatons that are so fascinating to Henry. The beginning scene is the most exciting he  ever is about this incredible tech:

“[The automaton] is not precisely a living creature at all… A mechanical creature, made to move and appear as a human being moves and appears. Leonardo da Vinci designed one. You can find it in his drawings- a mechanical creature that could sit up, walk, and turn its head. He was the first to suggest that human beings are only complex machines, that our insides are like cogs and pistons and cams made of muscle and flesh. So why could they not be replaced with copper and iron? Why couldn’t you build a person? But this. Jaquet Droz and Maillardet could never have dreamed of this. A true biomechanical automaton, self moving, self directing, wrapped in human flesh.” His eyes shone. “It’s beautiful.” 

“Henry.” Charlotte’s voice was tight. “That flesh you’re admiring. It came from somewhere.” 

Henry passed the back of his hand across his forehead, the light dying out of his eyes. “Yes- those bodies in the cellar.” (pg. 160-161, Clockwork Angel. )

That characteristic earnest excitement that he displays towards nearly everything new dies on the spot. “Miranda” and the other automatons are not less interesting because they’re made with human body parts- if anything that should make it more interesting. But the scientific brilliance is negated by the cruelty associated with it. It’s impressive, it’s “beautiful” and it’s not worth it. Innovation that opposes life, as opposed to promoting it, doesn’t count (see tags). 

So their work, especially in this context, is interchangeable- it’s their intentions that make the whole difference. 

Tessa says it best in Clockwork Princess; Henry brings things to life. Mortmain destroys. Where one of them has devoted his life to protecting people, regardless of how he’s been treated, the other one has devoted himself to slaughtering people, because of how he was treated. Where one invents with the specific intention of protecting life 

In other words, two very very similar people differentiated by a fundamental love for humanity and a fundamental disregard of it. 

TLDR: I need to reread the books to make this post but their style of work, approach to science and magic, and interests parallel. Also I have no idea if I’m coherent anymore please ranting in the tags for thoughts on everything here. 

TLDR the TLDR: They’re both inventing shit in a series hinged around these things that have been invented

[beanghostprincess]

reiju being the only vinsmoke child that has feelings and can empathize is pretty much obviously referencing the whole "unlike boys, girls are emotional" thing that has always been said to disregard women's positions of power and strengths, assuming that empathy is not a strength itself.

from men's pov, girls are: emotional, weak, sensitive, empathetic... they're the ones doing the "simple" house tasks like cooking, cleaning, taking care of things instead of destroying them.

that sounds, kind of, exactly to what sanji is. sanji's "failures, weaknesses, malfunctions..." are literally what is expected to see in women.

they tell him to man up. to be stronger. to stop crying because boys don't cry. how could he cry?! how could he dream?! how could he cook and be nice to others and feel? how could he be a good person when he's a man and men are expected to be bigger than anyone else. he should take up space, not give it to the ones who need it. he should scream at the top of his lungs, deeply and loudly, not gently. he should take and take and take and he should not give because men are meant to own, not to offer. he shouldn't be clever, he should act. he shouldn't be sad or in pain because men are supposed to take it and swallow and bear with it. he shouldn't be hungry. hunger is for the people who lack food and if you lack food you're weak and if you're weak you're not a man. and lack means wanting, but why's he craving something when he should just take it and take it and take it? so he shouldn't eat because eating is meant to be for pleasure only, if you're a man, and if you need it you're weak because he shouldn't need. he should want and take and never need.

he cries when they kick him and he begs when they take someone away from him. because he's weak. because he loses and loses and loses and never wins only because he isn't man enough to cheat. he goes through life asking first, acting second. he doesn't play dirty, like a man should, but lives in a clean state of pureness and delicacy. he has to be clean to cook, of course. clean to be good. but men don't cook and they are allowed to be as bad as they want. but he isn't, is he? because he feels. and feels and feels until it's too much. so much that it explodes and it breaks and his soul shatters. soul that he shouldn't have in the first place because men are a fortress with enough strength to ignore what's inside. and he is weak. he is small. he is hungry.

god, he's so hungry. but not for power or money or women- well, he is hungry for women. for their soothing voices and soft touches and angry glances that are always a bit too much for his poor heart to handle. he never asks much, just a bit of them. crumbs to feed his starving heart. he finds comfort in women the same way a man destined to death would consume his last meal. he's on the verge of falling but he can't, because men do not fall, they are the ones to push. so he's hungry, but he doesn't eat because if he did, that would mean he needs it and then he wouldn't be a man.

men should fight and not defend, but he's always protecting and never fighting. he fights to protect, never himself, always others. he fights to defend his weak self, but it can't be called fighting when the only thing he does is taking. and he learns to take it without a single word or prayer escaping his lips because a man should not do that.

he's different. a failure. a mistake. a good for nothing. not a man. not powerful like a vinsmoke should be. not godly and royal like his family is. machines built to kill and destroy and take and take instead of living. but sanji likes living. he likes breathing and eating and smiling and feeling and giving and giving and giving until he doesn't have anything to offer. he likes being alive and feeling.

so he has to be human, if not only a malfunction in their mom's womb.

human, but not quite, because being human means being like the rest. the definition for human is "not a vinsmoke", in his perception, so he has to be. he is. he is human. he wishes to be, at least, part of the mankind.

man. man. a man. that's what he should be. that's what he is. vinsmoke men are not just men. they're men. and being only a man should be different, but it isn't. it will never be.

he is human, but not really. he's not a vinsmoke, that's for sure. but he's not human, either, he's still different.

because when he gets out of there, the fire of the stove still burns his hands. and he can cook. yes. he realizes he can cook and he can enjoy and live and give and give and it's liberating to know he can and will live. but he can't dream because dreaming of impossible things —like blue, deep, magic seas— isn't meant for rational men. he's following the recipe wrong, all over again, and he doesn't know what the hell is going on if all the ingredients are right.

then he is hungry again. hungry for life. and food, too. and he has never felt weaker and less of a vinsmoke, but more of a human. he bleeds and cries and begs and starves like any human would and yet... he isn't a man. he isn't a real person. and maybe it's still in his blood, despite having ran away, the malfunction in his veins. there is something deeply wrong with him. down to his core.

and he can't figure out what, but he can starve. so that means he's human. but he's not a man. because men don't starve. they take what life gives them and don't need to eat if they can't. zeff is strong and wide and the manliest man he has ever met. and yet he's hungry, but he doesn't eat. he doesn't eat because he gives. he gives food to a kid who doesn't even deserve to eat. he gives food to a kid, not a man, because if he was a man he wouldn't need to eat.

so he just needs to grow up and become a man, he thinks. that's it. time. time. that's what he lacks and what he should take. years.

but he doesn't become a man.

he grows fond of women as years pass by. they're gorgeous. pieces of art. delicate, emotional, calculative, strategic, pretty, soothing, and perfect in every way. they're everything a vinsmoke shouldn't be. they're everything sanji is- wants to be. he isn't like them. he is a man.

he likes watching them and giving them the pleasures he's refused of, because at least he gets to taste the other end of the stick when dreaming about impossible things turns out to be something too emotional for him to handle as the man he has become.

skirts. dresses. high heels. make up.

it must be hard to fight in those. that's why men don't wear them. because men are meant to fight. girls are meant to just exist. they give peace and love to a world full of destruction just by breathing, they don't need to do anything in order to give.

nami's ruthless. like a storm. and pretty, obviously, like a faint, calm rain. gorgeous and bright, like the sun. and she's feminine in such a strong way that it makes sanji shiver and get on his knees quicker than any woman has ever done. because she's different, too. she's a girl but she's not a girl. and she's not a man but she's more of a man than sanji could ever be in a million years, he realizes, because she's not afraid. and men shouldn't be afraid.

sanji always is. he just doesn't show. showing emotions is a cry for help and boys don't- men don't cry.

she's a girl without being like any other girls. so that means sanji can be a man without being exactly like the rest.

and yet, he's still not a man.

because dresses aren't meant or men, and still he can easily run wearing high heels without any problem. and they feel good, too, not because they fit in but because they fit him. they match the dress and the lip gloss. the world used to be black and white but now it's fucking pink and it makes him feel good and brave and strong and he's not afraid.

then the world shatters again. pops like those bubbles again. and again. like the day he lost himself to the pleasurable feeling of comfort he's been fighting his whole life. because he's a man and comfort means not being able to handle pain. and he fought pain that day until he gave in to his desires. but desiring something is only a thing men can afford, and he didn't actually desire it. he needed it. needs it to breathe and to laugh and to live. needs it because he can't handle pain and if he can't handle pain he's not a man.

so he goes back to hiding and wanting and giving and giving but without needing. and he doesn't take, because he's not a vinsmoke, but he is a man, because he only eats the crumbs women throw at him.

it's raining when he hears it, and he can't help thinking about nami. ruthless, strong, gorgeous and feminine nami.

pudding wouldn't. nami wouldn't.

he wouldn't marry himself either, if asked.

and there's gotta be something wrong with him. something that doesn't work. because he's not a vinsmoke but he's not a man and he's not human and he's not even a failure. he isn't a failure because his mom said so. and if someone as honest and good and kind and feminine as her said that, it has to be true.

and yet he's not a man. he looks at himself from far away. he's always seen himself like that. like a soul flying around an empty body. a shell.

and then it breaks.

it's still raining.

luffy is beautiful. and he is a man. but just like nami isn't a girl, luffy isn't a man.

because he dreams, bigger than anybody else. he shines, brighter than the sun. he feels, louder than any woman. he fights, with his whole heart and fists and punches way harder than any vinsmoke. and he's hungry. luffy's hungry due to a promise. a promise lead by loyalty and love and passion and everything sanji wishes he could let himself feel.

the thing is, luffy can feel all of those and still be a man.

if sanji feels, he won't be a man. nor a vinsmoke.

niji called him girl once. because he cried. and the punches hurt, but for some reason the thought of being allowed to feel if he were to be a woman made the wound heal faster.

luffy sees him cry.

and dream and wish and ask and beg and break.

and he's trying to give, but luffy is asking him to take and be selfish. he wonders if taking something for himself will turn him into a man, finally.

but he cries again.

"i want to go back to sunny."

and he's not a vinsmoke. nor a man.

he isn't sure exactly what he is.

and then luffy says: "that's just how you are!" about him being too kind for his own good and too empathetic for him to be considered a man.

luffy smiles when he says it, as if it was the most brilliant quality of the cook.

he's not a vinsmoke. he's not a man.

sanji lets himself dream about what he could be. lets himself feel what he truly is.

he has never liked feeling weak because that's just what women are supposed to be. delicate and soft and meant to be rescued by the prince he should be.

luffy looks at him like he's the most beautiful thing to ever be under the rain. dirty and messy and crying and shattered. but still beautiful. and clean. and pure. and soothing. and everything a woman is and everything he wants to be and everything he could be.

and it's a very complex recipe and perhaps he still lacks some ingredients and maybe he could use less of others and let it cook for a bit longer.

but it tastes good. to dream. to feel. to exist. not like a mistake but as a human.

as herself.

[sanchoyo]

got a visit today by a friend :)

[dribs-and-drabbles]

I don't know if you found it already but I found it !!! Don't Say No Ep 8.

WE HAVE A WINNER!!

Also...laughing my fucking ass off because HOW IS THIS TWO YEARS AGO?!?! Here's me going "I think it was in a show THIS YEAR (maybe the end of last)"...but NO it was fricking AUGUST 2021.

But in my (and our - see below) defence, it could be that seeing First (and Ja) in Be Mine Superstar recently has skewed our memories a little...but shout out to @slayerkitty who was closest to guessing it right with suggesting Be Mine Superstar (which I did scan through last night and obviously didn't find the shirt there).

But @nothingsbetterthancoffee NOTHING IS BETTER THAN YOU RIGHT NOW. Thank you. Thank you so much. My brain can rest. My brain can now focus on other things. My brain can hyperfixate on something else do my fcuking tax return. The mystery has been solved.

Also, shout out to the power of this fandom. I knew if I yelled about it enough, someone would come through with the goods...and they did!

@twig-tea @slayerkitty @callipgio @blmpff @plantsarepeopletoo @respectthepetty @rocketturtle4 @waitmyturtles

[keeps-ache]

once again i am on the playlist lol

[the-local-lurker]

So, lately I've been interested in the Legend of Zelda and now whenever Link gets a new item and holds it above his head, I'm reminded of when you feed slugpups in Rain World and vice versa

Just little guys being happy about getting items. I do relate.

So anyway next time I find a green slugpup I'm naming it Link