#I think a theatre would actually be more fun

[egobuzz]

benoit blanc is famous in the knives out universe, which means one day we could get a movie about blanc solving a murder at a film set where they’re filming a benoit blanc biopic

[m-o-o-n-f-i-r-e]

help i’ve fallen for another ship comprised of two insane autistic queers that want each other dead despite also being willing to do literally anything for the other even at risk to themselves

[waterghostype]

a bit of an unconventional post but here is rosel!!! struggling princess and novice of void she is my ninjago oc bc ive been infected with deadly oc brainrot disease…

oc ramblings under the cut lel

she is a princess with a tragic backstory . super original i know

in all seriousness she basically conjured up in my head while i was thinking “what could they ever do to recover harumi’s character from crystalized in dragons rising” and it all went downhill from here

she’s super energetic, lively, dramatic, basically a cringe theatre kid who doesnt shut up at all. she loves animals and nature and life and being elaborate and performing and all that jazz.

she’s basically harumi’s surrogate little sister. after being on her own for a bit and traveling all across realms she landed in this weird magical realm (one that i made up. lol) and was taken in by the royal family as a knight (basically) after she brought back rosel when she got lost in the forest. she’s having a terrible time in there BUT she’s staying because… there is a freakazoidal organization trying to take them down. super original once again.

harumi feels like shes sort of called to do something about it to somehow atone for her wrongdoings but she doesn’t want to do any more than she has to aka she doesn’t want to get close to rosel bc shes obviously very Not right in the brain and also because of her past

rosel originally had an older sister who was supposed to be the actual heir to the throne and she was totally chill with that! she liked to just have a second say in important stuff and do a lot of commercials like that was her whole thing and she enjoyed it. then her sister got assassinated so now she has to be the one to worry about everything and just be an heir all of a sudden. this is part of the reason why she got very easily attached to harumi and harumi knows this and understands what’s going on in rosel’s brain because a losing family then getting badly attached to someone bc you think they can fill that hole in your heart?? yeah not cool

doesnt help that harumi currently hates herself and thinks shes the worst person in the world (tbf she did do All that.) but the difference is when she was being unhealthily attached to garmadon he mistreated her BAD but here harumi actually tries protecting rosel and gets unfortunately attached as well which sucks! it’s like that grumpy old man adopts daughter trope except it’s a ~20 yo girl and a little sister

before she died rosel swore she hated her sister and they would fight allll the time. older sister (havent decided on a name) is really strict and pressured to do all her work as an heir and the oldest princess and i could go into more detail abt their relationship but just think oldest sibling vs youngest sibling shenanigans. theyd fight abt how rosel would never understand the pressure of being the heir in their political cilmate thing (yeah the made-up realm is going through it) but too bad so sad she got executed in front of literally the whole kingdom.

after a surprisingly short while rosel gets back on her feet after her sister’s death but shes just fakering oops. she has a bunch of bottled up issues but it’s ok! it’s ok!

also shes the elemental master of void. oops

this one is fucky wucky complicated but BASCIALLY my bs reason for her little mary sue op power is bc time twins were stuck in that weird time vortex all throughout everything And then the merge happened and the merge’s weird elemental energy whatever caused the time vortex and the twins’ elemental powers to get weird and because time is being messed up reality can be messed up and so this basically broken version of the time element gets transferred onto my girl rosel as if it was a regular degular elemental power which sucks bc it’s even harder to use and control and she doesnt even know how to fight so shes just struggling

she finds this out while on a journey with the ninja and harumi. like if it was a season itd be like episode 15+ she finds out. this is because she accidentally caused an important artifact to disappear out of nowhere, got sad about it bc she messed everything up, and then she accidentally makes a whole bunch of stuff (including living things) disappear too. yikessss

she doesnt want to hide it she tells the ninjarumi right away and theyre all like What the hell and shes freaking out but after some help she can at least keep herself from destroying literally everything.

until she messes up gets mega emotional loses control of her everything and starts voiding a bunch of stuff so she gets even more stressed which makes her void even more stuff and now shes basically destroying the kingdom shes been trying so hard to be able to rule. ooooopsies

after a whole thing with the power of siblingship and empathy harumi snaps her out of it and now shes absolutely baffled with what shes done and is a bit crazed abt the whole thing. bc of this she decides it’s best to train with the ninja (idk if she actually becomes one) so she can use her power better. btw harumi was able to snap her out of it and give her a hug without being voided because a) power of friendship and b) overlord resurrection she’s literally dead inside She basically is already voided in a way

so thats basically what goes on very sorry this is too long but i hope it all makes sense… i swear her story is better than the way i explained it (or maybe it’s not idk) i just have many MANY MANY thought abt her! i might ramble even more in the future so be cautioned. thx

heres zoomed in ver of the notes in case u need it

[scorndotexe]

oh yeah dnd is never gonna happen

[pallases]

the weak spot of this audition being my singing DEATHHHH

[silverior968]

Self indulgent voice hc time: I think Anton Shudder sounds like Timo Torikka as Snufkin in the 90s YLE TV Finnish dub of Adventures in Moomin Valley.

Here's a compilation with english subtitles:

And he also has an amazing singing voice:

That song is a duet with Miitta Sorvali for a summer theatre LOTR play from the late 80s (oh how I wish I could see the play it sounds so Fun). The title translates to "Return to me"

[wheelie-butch]

when I have brain power again and the horrors are over I was saying to my housemate it would be really fun to like make our own guest for the Sexy Brutale and think of a new area of the mansion and what their thing is and how they get killed...

[ilydeku]

izuku loves to talk about you during interviews

- anything and every topic it will ALWAYS be about you

- the question won't even be remotely related to you and still izukus answer will revolve around "y/n, my wife!!" <3

- oh, the glint in his eyes, the peaking smile when he speaks about you, lover boyyy

- the media knows he LOVE LOVES you, they think it's funny for this big, confident, mighty hero to be reduced to sap when it comes to you

- it's like his whole is personality is HIS WIFE

- the journalists lowkey get so SICK of him for this, they don't want to invite him anymore 😭

- but they kinda have to, due to to his status as #1

"Good evening everyone and welcome Hero Talk! Tonight we'll be staring someone you all know and love, single handedly the greatest hero of all time, Deku! Alright, Deku how are you tonight?"

"Feeling pretty good! This is one of my wife's favorite shows, so I'm even more grateful to be here. And how are you?"

"Oh, same old. Really, just living. Now, we wanted to ask you some fun questions. Let's start with this one. Why did you want to become a hero?"

"Wow, haha! That really brings be back to my youth. When I was kid, my biggest influence was All Might, and he miraculously became my mentor. He was a good hero, and a good man. I wanted to be just like him: fearless, persevering, saving people with I smile. I would beg my mom everyday to watch this video on the computer of him saving a bunch a people. I was really swayed by All Might. I wanted to become a hero to make an impact in the world. I wanted to save people with a smile too."

"That sounds really endearing, Deku. I remember All Might's reign. He wasn't number one on the top charts all those years for nothing. So, did you ever think you'd be standing as Japan's top hero?"

"Well, it was never really my goal to become number one. That was Kacchan's- Dynamight's. My dream was, like I said, to become a hero and save others. But I have to say, it really is a blessing. I'd like to thank my Mom, All Might, my friends, and especially my wife for who I've become. My Mom has really done a lot for me growing up: protecting, encourage, and just always caring for me. All Might has kinda been that father figure for me when my Dad was away. My friends have shown me what it's like to work together and really be part of a heart. And my wife? Haha...I can't thank her enough for all the times she's been right by my side, even before we were together. Nothing I can say or do will ever be enough to express how much she means to me."

"Mm. Quite the supportive group. Your wife sounds like quite the lady!"

"She is. She's wonderful."

"Moving on to the next question, do you use social media often?"

"Occasionally, yes?? My wife uses it regularly, posting about us when we go out and stuff. It's mostly for her family to see how she's doing. She handles most of my official accounts. She says it's to be more appealing to the public, and I guess to show that there's more to heroes on the inside?? I'm not really sure, but I trust her process. Although, I'd rather be appealing to her alone."

"The public will always interested in a hero's private life! Now, Deku, what is your ideal setting of relaxation?"

"My wife doesn't like places that are too crowded or noisy, so maybe a cozy day at the beach?- but early in the morning or in the evening when the crowds calm down. Maybe a movie theatre, but days after the movie is released so it's just us together. Actually, a lazy day at home together is great too! Cooking meals and watching a movie on the couch? Really, any place is relaxing if my wife is with me."

(am i questioning Deku's wife or Deku!?) "How scenic! Those sound very fitting for you!! How about any restaurants?"

"Not really. My wife really knows how to cook, it's amazing! I love her home-cooked meals, so there's no way I'd go out of my way to a restaurant. But if my wife is feeling it, I'll be sure to make reservations."

"(sigh)"

"(smiling warmly)"

[terastalungrad]

Sometimes, you’re a comedian with a touring show to promote, so you do an interview with a regional newspaper.

I think that’d be the funniest possible time to reveal a big scoop, wouldn’t it?

Stewart Lee is currently touring, and to promote his Yeovil performance, gave an interview to Blackmore Vale Magazine.  According to Wikipedia, the Blackmore Vale is an area of north Dorset, south Somerset and southwest Wiltshire.  According to the comedian Jake Baker, the magazine would cover his school sports day as he grew up in Dorset.  That’s the level of news you’d expect.

The questions are friendly and easy, from a journalist clearly familiar with Lee’s work and history.

The first question is about the show’s angle.  Lee describes the nature of the show, and here’s an excerpt:

So it looks like stand-up, and sounds like stand-up, but it’s actually a kind of character piece about a desperate person who’s frightened and trying to organise the world in a way that puts them in control. And I guess you could argue that’s what a lot of stand-ups are doing anyway. Ricky Gervais to me looks like a very frightened man. He’s frightened of transgender people coming after him, the act is a defensive wall.

Fun!  This is a Ricky Gervais hate blog, so it’s nice to see a sudden, unexpected attack in an unrelated promotional interview.

Lee mentions Gervais again in response to question four.

Sometimes I become bitter and think ‘I get all this good press, why can’t I get 10 million quid for a TV special like Ricky Gervais?’ But on the other hand, I wouldn’t want that audience, it wouldn’t allow me to be better.

And then again to question eight, where Lee explains why he spends six months running new shows in the relatively small Leicester Square Theatre (as opposed to arena comics who might do 10 warmup shows followed by 60 tour dates).

You can still run it like a club gig, you can interact with people in real time. Also, you wouldn’t get better at the show because you wouldn’t have done it as many times. You can see this with an act like Gervais. Those shows have not been run in, they’re not fluid, they’re a succession of inflexible statements that would snap like twigs if the pressure of an unforeseen event was applied to them.

The journalist finally addresses this head on.  It really is worth reading the entire article - there’s a lot more than I’m quoting, including an interesting story about Sean Lock:

But here are my favourite bits:

[Gervais] still kind of copies me though, which is the weird thing. There’s still a lot of cadences of what I do but they’re used in the service of evil. In Star Wars, he’s Darth Vader and he’s taken the force, which is me, and used it for evil purposes. He was a fanboy, he was actually the booker at University of London and used to book me and Sean Lock all the time. And when he became famous for the Office, he wrote an hour-long act that was so indebted to us it was awkward. [...] If he’d come up through the circuit that would have been rubbed off him because you find your own voice doing club gigs. It took me two years of gigging five nights a week to come through the mesh of things I liked. But he didn’t have that experience in the same way. [...] Funnily enough, in his first show there were bits I’d never recorded that he’d do almost verbatim. He’d clearly remembered them. I went to see him at the Bloomsbury – on his invitation actually – with my then girlfriend and she was very concerned for me. I’d given up at that point due to lack of interest, and she was concerned for what it felt like to see my act being done to hundreds of people, it was quite weird. On the other hand, that sort of did make me think I don’t want it to be consumed into someone else’s vocabulary. And also, I think because he had a residual sense of guilt, he would always credit me in interviews as being an influence – that helped me in 2004 to get the audience back.

This is, to my knowledge, the first time Lee’s ever claimed that Gervais stole his material.  He’s certainly talked about Gervais clearly taking influence from him (though in the past, he downplayed this compared to the account given in this interview).

It’s a pretty big thing to accuse a comic of stealing material.  That’s a big taboo.  I reckon this is partly because Lee wants to discourage fans of Gervais from coming to the show.

Anyway, let’s finish by quoting the end of the interview:

It must be strange to have that level of financial remuneration and those audience figures but not really a single good review. And I expect what that does for you is create a cognitive dissonance where you have to manufacture a worldview by which the whole world is wrong and you’re right. Which can’t necessarily be very good for your mental health, although I expect the money’s nice.

[jjunieworld]

𓍼 ˋ✮ 𝓣XT 𝓜ASTERLIST ───── ˋ 𝜗𝜚

𝓴ey: fluff (☁️), angst/mature themes (🌪️), smut (🥛), smau (📲), written series (📖), one shot (📓), drabble (📄), other (💬), ongoing (🎬), completed (📨), hiatus (📪), discontinued (🗑️)

✦ 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗆𝗒 𝗐𝗈𝗋𝗄𝗌, 𝗂 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗌𝗂𝖽𝖾𝗋 𝖽𝗋𝖺𝖻𝖻𝗅𝖾𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝖻𝖾 𝗎𝗇𝖽𝖾𝗋 𝟤𝗄 𝗐𝗈𝗋𝖽𝗌. ∿ [ continue on to . . . works in progress or request ]

͏͏ ͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏

𓍼 ˋ✮ OT5/MULTI

jjunieworld's 2024 valentine's day eventhaving another member's photocard in your phone⌇💬,☁️ you called your pet "baby" and not them⌇💬,☁️ txt as mitski lyrics⌇💬,🌪️,☁️

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𓍼 ˋ✮ YEONJUN 𐙚 soft thoughts ⋆ hard thoughts

romeo & juliet⌇📲,☁️,🗑️ the hybe theatre club has an unspoken belief, whoever plays romeo and juliet in the annual play each year will end up falling in love with each other. this year, you and the person you hate the most get casted together.

lip gloss!⌇1.9k - 📄,🥛,☁️ while getting ready for your date, yeonjun notices how you kept licking your lips after applying your lip gloss. let’s just say you don’t make it to your date as planned…

the rules⌇4.3k - 📓,🥛 you would think that by now you would know the rules, right? apparently not, since yeonjun always has to keep reminding you—whores don't get to cum.

the underground⌇1.4k - 📄,🥛,🌪️ the night that your boyfriend came home from his underground boxing gig with bloody knuckles, a split lip, and a black eye was when you knew things had to change for the good.

ceilings⌇4k - 📓,🌪️,🥛 you’re both from two seperate worlds, but in the four corners of your bedroom the two of you can be together. even if your latest confession means it could be for the last time.

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𓍼 ˋ✮ SOOBIN 𐙚 soft thoughts ⋆ hard thoughts

all for a bet⌇📲,🌪️,📨 choi soobin has always been the popular kid surrounded by his popular friends. you... not so much. one night, soobin and his friends make bet that soobin can't get you to date him in a month. unfortunately for you, you're a hopeless romantic.

the great bake off!⌇8.6k - 📓,☁️ spilt milk ┄ part two⌇4k - 📓,🥛 after getting fired from your job as a pizza delivery driver, you’re in desperate need to find a new job before you get kicked out of your apartment. that’s when you hear about the local bakery looking for employees. thinking, “why not? i’ve worked with dough before!”, you apply and actually get the job. that’s when you and the son of the bakery’s owner decide that it would be fun to compete to see who can make the most baked goods for a prize.

from the start⌇3.1k - 📓,☁️,🌪️ you never really understood the saying “you’ll always remember your first love,” but that was before you fell in love with your bestfriend soobin. now all of it makes sense. you notice everything about him, from his dimpled smile to the way he could go on and on about the things he loves. and that just makes you fall for him more. cupid has shot an arrow through your heart and you can’t take keeping your feelings for him inside anymore.

lather⌇2.5k - 📄,🥛 to help raise money for charity you and your friends make your way over to the rich neighborhood to handwash cars in your best skimpy bathing suits and clothing.

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𓍼 ˋ✮ BEOMGYU 𐙚 soft thoughts ⋆ hard thoughts

"kiss the prettiest girl in the room"⌇2.3k - 📓,☁️ you and your bestfriend beomgyu decide on going to a new year’s eve party so you’re not bored at the start of the new year. the party goers suggest that you all should play truth or dare. one of beomgyu’s friends decides to dare him to kiss the prettiest girl in the room, knowing you have a crush on him.

don't delete the kisses⌇9.3k - 📓,🌪️,🥛 two years ago, you admitted to yourself that you were in love with your bestfriend beomgyu. two years ago, you and your bestfriend beomgyu stopped being bestfriends. now he’s an up and coming musician and you see his face and hear his music almost everywhere in your local town; not knowing that the songs he writes are about you.

more than this?⌇3.1k - 📓,🥛 when beomgyu asked you to be fuck buddies, you thought it was risky considering your already growing feelings for him. but, you just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to be close to him in any way that you could. now you’re wondering if the two of you will ever be anything more than this.

under the cherry blossom tree⌇1.7k - 📄,☁️ it’s confession day and you want nothing more than to receive a confession from your longtime friend, beomgyu.

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𓍼 ˋ✮ TAEHYUN 𐙚 soft thoughts ⋆ hard thoughts

february 14th⌇13.6k - 📓,🌪️,☁️ this has to be the worst day of your life. and just your luck, the day keeps repeating. over and over again. and you don’t know why. you get to relive the same day where you finally garner the courage to ask your crush, kang taehyun, out and get to relive the part where he rejects you each time.

6:41am⌇0.9k - 📄,☁️ you’re awoken early in the morning from taehyun’s alarm to go to the gym and decide to go with him. you end up distracting him from his routine with your staring and decide to encourage him with kisses to help him.

meet cute⌇1k - 📄,☁️ you had a thought and a dream, you were going to be a magician. so you did what one who wants to be a magician does next, you went to a magic store. and what did you do? accidentally knock over a shelf of bang snaps and came face to face with an actual magician.

black stockings⌇1k - 📄,🥛 it's a very delicate game of cat and mouse that you and taehyun play. he pretends that he calls you into his office to assign you more paperwork, and you pretend that you don't test the limits of how short your skirt can be until he notices the lace of your thigh-high stockings peeking out.

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𓍼 ˋ✮ HUENINGKAI 𐙚 soft thoughts ⋆ hard thoughts

stupid cupid!⌇6.5k - 📓,☁️ hueningkai, better known as cupid, is known for his art in helping people fall in love. shooting his arrows here and there, getting those who are meant to be together. what happens when after he shoots one of his love arrows at you, the other one somehow ends up hitting him?

spin the bottle⌇1.4k - 📄,☁️ you’re what people like to call a “wallflower.” your more extroverted friends have been doing everything in their power to try and break you out of that. so they dragged you along to a party and somehow you’re stuck playing spin the bottle with people you barely know.

a bed in your shape⌇1.4k - 📄,🌪️ a life in your eyes ┄ part two⌇7k - 📓,🌪️,🥛 for as long as you could remember, you’ve been in love with your bestfriend kai. the only problem is, he never loved you back. yet, you can’t stop imagining your life with him.

brooklyn, baby!⌇3.3k - 📓,🥛 your boyfriend’s in a band—the biggest rock band in the world, in fact, as the lead singer and lead guitarist. except, he isn’t your boyfriend and you’re just a fan who somehow had the stars align for you.

take it slow⌇1.6k - 📄,🥛 you just looked so pretty in your sheer lacy nightgown and tiny lacy panties, how could you not expect kai to want to have you all for himself? even if it means waking you to get what he wants.

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© jjunieworld - all rights reserved. please do not repost on any social media sites, translate, or modify any of my works.

[darcytaylor]

Are people mad that Luke Newton has a girlfriend? Or is it something more? A deep dive. Part 1 of 3.

I want to start out by saying, I have been following the Bridgerton train since the season one release on Christmas day. It was a show that I knew nothing about and I became enamoured.

I have followed along with the show and the actors since the release. I find looking at human behaviour fascinating, as I work in a very customer service based industry. It is so interesting to me to see how the actors have conducted themselves, especially Luke Newton.

This post will be about why I think people are truly upset by his behaviour.

(some of which I agree with and some I don't)

Luke Newton has been quite the monogamous dater. He dated his fellow co-star from The Lodge, Sophie Simnett. They were both very young at the time, it seemed like a sweet relationship, but young love normally never lasts.

Then he got into a relationship with Jade Davies. She is very active in the Theatre world and it seemed like this was a very good pairing. I think they complimented each other well. You could tell they loved each other. Ultimately they broke up at the beginning of 2023, because they 'grew apart', or so the tabloids have stated.

I do know that Jade did receive some hate (which is fairly common in the industry that Luke is in). I personally don't think that it was as bad as people made it out to be. A lot of people loved seeing Luke in love and proud of his girlfriend. They supported them as a couple. They supported it because there really wasn't anything to not support.

After the breakup is where Luke Newton went off the rails (in my opinion). He decided to become the typical fuck boy and didn't keep it secret.

This is where he made his first mistake - he made his dating life public and it definitely looked questionable. (and yes he made it public by following certain people and posting about all of his vacations). He had a 'type' going into this time in his life (young dancers). But ultimately fans were forgiving because he just got out of a long term relationship. He was hurting and it's okay to spiral a little at a time like that. Fans supported him because they wanted him to have a 'hot girl summer'.

At some point he meets his confirmed/unconfirmed girlfriend Antonia. She seems to get a long with his close friends and people took notice of them spending time together. But I think fans thought he was still spiralling, so he wouldn't actually get into a relationship, he was only have fun.

Then the New Years kiss video was released. Fans did not like this. But ultimately I don't think that was what caused the biggest issue, I think his second mistake was befriending her on Instagram. This is what sealed them as an unconfirmed relationship. Had they decided to not make this decision, I think people could/would have left them/her be. It could have been summed up with 'it was just a New Years' kiss.

I think that Luke had every intention to make this relationship public. I think that, that was his ultimate goal that day. But because of the press tour coming up, he was told not to. I also think that made Luke spiral even more, he was upset that he couldn't show off his girlfriend (and when you like or love someone you do want to do that) and decided to take some of his issues out on his career and fans (by liking everyone of her photos, letting her post photos with his clothing, letting her post photos with his arms and legs).

His third mistake was mentioning that he was the most like his character on Bridgerton (he has said this multiple times) and his cast-mates also say the same thing. Hear me out on this one -

It can be easy to separate the art from the artist. That is simple enough for people to do (I have seen it happen on many occasions). But there were multiple times that he would say he is the most like his character (saying this made the task of separating difficult) - and lets be real Colin was made for the female gaze. He is charming, attractive, loving and isn't superficial. He fell in love with the 'outcast', the one that isn't the 'typical' beauty. Fans held onto this, because Colin as a character made them feel seen. They couldn't separate Luke from Colin because he kept saying he was like Colin.

When they look at Antonia they don't see the outcast, they don't see the girl that looks like them, they don't see a 'regular' woman. She is the opposite of who Colin would end up with, so that would mean that Luke wouldn't go for her. Antonia looks like the girl who made fun of you in high school, the girl who on the outside looks like she hasn't had a trouble in her life, a girl who's social media is all about vacationing and looks staged, she doesn't seem real.

(I want to note that I have no idea who she is as a person, she could be the nicest person).

So now that Luke has made a bunch of people mad they will go on a deep dive. The first thing that people will look into is the age. And she is quite young. Too young in fact. I am on the side that someone his age shouldn't be dating someone who's brain isn't fully developed (this is a scientific fact), ESPECIALLY since there is also a power dynamic. (It's okay if you do not feel the same way).

Luke's fourth mistake was letting his friends post things about himself on social media. Yes, I know that you can't control everybody in your life. But they are his BEST FRIENDS, Luke could have asked them to not post anything about himself. That would have been the smart more.

Luke's fifth mistake was not having Nicola and the Bridgerton Instagram posts with notifications on. He should have liked every single god damn post that they posted. This would have appeased the fans, the fans love that shit. But instead he would like every single one of Antonia's photos and forget about his job. This decision further bothered fans because he stated that he was moving his social media to be work related. I will be honest - his social media is kinda a mess. His social media presence is definitely a mistake he has made.

He goes on the Bridgerton press tour with Nicola (who is amazing at her job), and all of the imperfections of his life are even more exaggerated, because Nicola is fucking great. Even though Luke and Nicola are a pair when it comes to Bridgerton, people will still compare them.

When looking at this whole situation I think that Luke is continuing to spiral. I think that he can be a bit stubborn and he is doubling down. He has to know the mistakes he has made. He has to realize that he could have dated Antonia and not made it a whole situation/scene. If a celebrity doesn't want you to know something about their personal lives, you won't know.

Final thoughts - I think that Luke didn't think about how some of his actions would/could have been perceived, I think he was ill prepared in some of his actions, I think that he is still learning to be in the spotlight, I think he is somewhat immature, I think that he is being destructive to his career.

I'm convinced Luke wanted to come forward with his relationship months ago. I believe he was told not to and he didn't like that answer. He has shown some spite because of it. There are also other mistakes that I didn't get into, if you want a part 2 let me know? haha

Have I lost some respect for Luke during the past year? Yes.

Do I realize that it must be hard to be in the spotlight? Yes.

Do I think that if Luke continues on this destructive path he will regret it? Yes.

Should we also give him a bit of grace? Yes.

Do I think he is talented? Yes.

His actions sure are questionable though!

If you have gotten this far, congratulations and thank you for reading! It's been a fascinating deep dive!

[hurts2think]

saw you wanted hook x reader requests so i thought i'd send smth in!! can you do hook x gn light fairy? like from the tinkerbell movies! love your stories <33

🏴‍☠️Young!James Hook x Reader🏴‍☠️

Reader pronouns: They/them

Pairing: Young!James Hook x GN!Reader

Plot: You are a light fairy from Pixie Hollow who started attending Merlin Academy! Due to your fairy like magic, you were set to help decorate for Castlecoming. But you became a little distracted with it and your hooked boyfriend had to come convince you to prepare yourself for the dance.

Word count: 1.6k

Extra: I was going to do this one sooner but I struggled so hard to think of a plot for it. Super cute idea though! Thank you so much as always🫶

Castlecoming only happened once a year, and it was also your first Castlecoming. For most of highschool you lived in Pixie Hollow with all of the other fairies and so naturally you had the typical fairy schooling. Which didn't consist of much traditional education and more like being trained in your special skill. And yours was light.

It always sounds kind of lame at first when you say it, but it's actually pretty nice to have. Being able to move light beams, rainbows, and have glowing hands whenever you wanted made for some fun party tricks and even got you a spot in helping out with the theatre department pretty often. Helping with lights and making the set look just a little more colorful.

And now, for Castlecoming, you were helping decorate for it. You helped with some of the planning but you were also going to come in after the basic preparations were done and put your own finishing touches just a couple hours before the dance.

You started inside where the food and most of the dancing would be, moving the moonlight in the window to twist and turn in unnatural ways that would reflect off of the colorful glass decorations and filling the entire room with colors.

Then you moved on to the garden that a few of the couples would be hanging out after dancing or just to get away from the crowd.

You opened the palm of your hand and little speckles of light started to appear in it, you then tossed them into the air and little star shaped lights hung in the trees, making the garden glow softly.

You decided another batch of those might be better since it was still quite hard to see. So you open your palm and speck by speck a little light appeared in your hand but before they could all finish even forming, you felt a hand on your shoulder.

The sudden touch made you jump and let out a yelp. You quickly turned on your heel, throwing your hand up in defense

"Ow—!"

The source of the hand yelped in pain. It was your boyfriend! James Hook. Your boyfriend that you accidentally just casted a dozen lights in his eyes.

"Oh my gosh! James! I'm so sorry, are you okay?" You quickly ask, covering your mouth in shock as you clearly did not mean to do that.

He held one hand over his eyes as he stumbled back, "It's fine, I'm fine." He grunted, obvious his eyes stung and were in fact not fine.

Once he was able to stand up straight his eyes fluttered open and closed until he could somewhat see again. Then when you could conclude that he was okay, you gently hit his shoulder, "Why would you sneak up on me? Were you trying to scare me and get your eyes burned off?" You scold, your eyes narrowing.

"No!" He quickly defended, "Well, yes actually. I was trying to scare you. But I didn't think you'd be armed!" He huffed before waving his hand to dismiss it, "Nevermind. What are you even doing?" He asked, raising a brow.

It was pretty usual for Hook to sneak up on you. 50% of the time it would end with him laughing at you and teasing you about it for the next hour, and the other 50% would end with him somehow getting hurt and then immediately trying to dismiss it out of embarrassment.

"What do you mean? I told you I was helping decorate. And there's not really a point in me doing all of the lights before it's night, then I'd just have to reset everything." You sigh, restarting with the specks of light in your hand and tossing the second batch into the trees again.

You turn back to Hook, now being able to properly see him in the light

He tilted his head slightly and raised a brow, "Castlecoming is in an hour. You should be getting ready, yeah?" He asked, taking a couple steps closer to you, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you close to him.

You could feel heat rising to your face as he pressed himself against you, forcing you to break eye contact, "Yeah but I'm not done. It needs to be perfect."

You try to pull away but he didn't let you escape to easily.

He spun you around, catching you in his arms again with a grin, "But if you're late, who will I dance with?"

A smile couldn't help but find its way on your face, "You're not ready either! We'd both be late." You chuckle, taking Hook by his hook for a hand and tugging on it slightly in a playful manner.

"I s'pose you're right. But we both know you take forever to get ready."

"Not true!" You rebut, letting go of him and pulling away, "I'll just be a minute longer, I swear. Just a couple more things!"

But just as you turned away, you felt that hand snake up onto your waist again from behind as your boyfriend rested his chin on your shoulder, "You've been stressed about this for months, darling. No need to be stressed up til the last minute. Part of the fun is getting ready. Bring your camera and we'll take pictures before the dance." He suggests. You're not looking at his face but you can tell he brought out those eyes that were impossible to resist. You turn your head to look at him and you were right.

Only it was worse, the light glowing from the trees shined on his eyes, making them twinkle.

You finally let out a defeated sigh, "Fine."

"Another win for me." He grinned, obviously proud of himself for convincing you, "I'll see you in an hour, bug."

You roll your eyes, "How many times do I have to tell you? I'm not a bug! I'm a fairy." You insist but he's already walking away from you to go get ready himself. He was lucky his accent was so attractive. He could say anything and you'd swoon.

----

Only an hour had past and you were ready. You got ready as quickly as you could, styling your hair and putting on your outfit for the dance. As a final last decision, you place teeny tiny specks of light into the seams of your clothes to make them shimmer and glow.

You also decide to let your wings out, sprinkling some pixie dust on them incase you needed to fly, and just to make them look a little prettier. You smile at yourself in the mirror before checking the time and realizing you're about to be late.

You rush out of your dorm and to the party.

Once you're there you see a couple friends, saying hi to them and complimenting how nice they look. But you were in a rush to find one person and one person only.

You had to push yourself through all the people who's dresses and suits glowed under your stary lights you put up. Even the pond in the garden shined like never before.

There he was, sitting on a bench and fidgeting with his Hook as if he was nervous.

The way the lights shined on his skin and against his hair was beautiful, his pirate inspired suit made you swoon, and the nervous look on his face made your heart race.

Once he saw you in the corner of his eye, his head suddenly perked up and he took no time to stand up and approach you, "Wow, you look..." He slowly looked you up and down, taking his time to really look at all of you, "Ravishing." He grinned, admiring how you looked. Sparkling in the dark, making everyone and everything around you a little brighter.

You laughed and brought him into a hug, "As do you," you smile, "You weren't nervous while waiting for me, were you?" You ask with a teasing smirk.

His hand fell down to your hip and he scoffed, "Me? Nervous? I'm a pirate of the Neverland Seas. We don't get nervous." He said though he really did sound like maybe he was just a little nervous. It was your first dance together afterall.

"Yeah, whatever. Don't be so worried." You smile, wrapping your arms around his neck and looking into his eyes, causing his face to flush a slight red.

"I think you're the one worried. Worried that I might be the better looking one tonight," He gave a teasing wink and leaned in to kiss you.

But before he could, you teasingly push his face away, "Hey! You don't get to say that and think you're allowed to kiss me afterwards," You raise a brow with a smirk.

"Alright, alright. You're the better looking one." He admitted, "But I do have better charisma." He smirked, gripping your waist firmly and pulling you into a dip, kissing you on the lips.

It caught you a little off guard but you kissed back, smiling into the kiss. As you kissed, Hook teasingly and carefully dragged his hook across your wings. The action made you shiver and instinct I've push him away, "Stop that." You demand, though you didn't actually mind. It just tickled.

"Fine, I'm sorry." He smirked, pushing his face into the crook of your neck and kissing it.

That only tickled too, making you laugh, "You're lucky I love you so much. Or I'd seriously knock some sense into you." You threaten playfully.

"Awe, the little fairy's gonna knock some sense into me? I believe it." Hook sarcastically remarks.

The playful banter is what you lived for. It's what made this all so fun. Highschool here was always better than at Pixie Hollow. You had friends, real classes that you were actually interested in, fun dances, and an amazing boyfriend. Your life really felt perfect for once.

Your slow dance by the glittering pond with your favorite person made you know that you made the right decision being here rather than anywhere else in the universe.

[charmandabear]

Office Hours - Chapter Six

Summary:

Astarion surprises you with a night at the theatre that doesn't go quite according to your plan.

Pairing: Astarion/F!Reader Rating: Explicit Word Count: 4.7k Tags/Warnings: rough/angry sex, hair pulling, emotional manipulation, dubcon, bad BDSM practices, angst, daddy kink, reminiscent of Ascended!Astarion, discussions of domestic abuse (in Taming of the Shrew)

Hi. Hello. My sweets. My darlings. This is it. The chapter where you absolutely must mind the tags. Just know that I won't take you anywhere that we won't be able to come back from. Know that I, too, am an absolute baby when it comes to intense subject matter in fics. But I want you to take care of yourselves and your hearts. As always, shoot me a message if you'd like more specifics.

Photo credits: Zaria for Green Pussy Suit Astarion and Nephi Garcia for the incredible dress.

Read on AO3 ~ Masterlist

“In the library? Babes, are you insane?” Shadowheart's voice reaches a pitch you’re fairly sure only dogs can hear. You curl your knees into your chest and cover your face in your hands, feeling the exact appropriate amount of shame.

“I know, I know. All logic goes out the fucking window around him. All I can think is ‘mm, good dick makes brain go brr.’” You let out a frustrated sigh into your hands.

“Do you want to get fired?” She pulls your hand from your face so you can't hide from her pointed stare.

“Oh trust me, I ran about forty different scenarios of that happening through my head on the drive home.”

“Did you, now? And in how many of these did he also get fired?” Shadowheart presses, knowing how your anxiety can get out of hand.

“Like, two,” you groan and drop your head back onto the couch cushions. “I don't know what comes over me. I feel like I can't tell him no.”

“Wait, wait.” Shadowheart grips your knee, suddenly worried. “You can't tell him no as in it feels too good to stop? Or as in it doesn't feel safe to say no?”

“Nine hells, no, the first one!” you respond, horrified. She squints at you and you squirm under her gaze until you’re finally more truthful, both with her and yourself. “Well, I mean, mostly. Like it's not like that. But like also not not like that, you know?”

“I can assure you I do not,” she says in a flat voice, not interested in joking around. You sigh dramatically, trying to find the right words to describe how you feel.

“Like. Okay. Am I fully consenting to everything we do? Yes. 100%. Oh gods, yes.” Your cheeks tinge pink even thinking about it. “But like… am I going against my best judgment? Do I feel like I should say no? Does part of me kinda wish I would say no? Like… maybe?”

“Tav, that's not okay. You need to talk to him about this.” Shadowheart’s voice is soft with genuine worry. Which is ridiculous, because she’s focusing on the wrong thing.

“No, see, that's the thing. It's not actually a him issue, it's a me issue. Like there's something wrong with me, I see his most toxic traits and suddenly I'm like a horny teenager!” Your voice increases in pitch as you grow more hysterical. “How am I supposed to call him out on it when the only words that will come out of my mouth are ‘yes daddy, more please’?”

“Is there anything redeemable about him at all? Besides being good in bed?” She leans back, taking a sip of her wine and fixing you with an incredulous look. 

“I mean… yeah. He’s witty, and bantering back and forth with him is fun. He’s incredibly smart, as loath as I am to admit it, and I like hearing his ideas on things, especially his interpretation of Shakespeare’s text.” You don't even notice the smile growing on your face, but Shadowheart does. “And he’s got this unexpectedly soft side. Like he seems cold and aloof on the outside, but he cares, deeply. About his students, about his cat, about-”

“About you?” she interjects, and your smile falters.

“I don't know, Shade,” you say quietly, almost ashamed to look her in the eye. “I think so. I hope so. But it's not like we've been seeing each other for that long, he’s under no obligation to feel anything.” You practically swallow the last sentence, a truth you're reticent to voice. 

“And you?” she asks softly.

“Man, I don't fucking know. I just want to keep getting laid and not catch feelings, is that so much to ask?” you whine. She laughs, but you can tell that she's only humoring you.

“For you? Probably.”

***

It's been several days and your busy schedules have kept you and Astarion apart for most of it. Save the occasional tension-filled passing in the hall, you've barely interacted at all. You're almost beginning to believe that your whirlwind affair has come to an end when you find a mystery package at your apartment door.

It's made out to you with no discernable return address. You bring the box into your apartment while examining it, trying to ascertain its origin. It doesn't even really look like it was sent through the mail, it looks like it was dropped off.

You take out your phone and call down to the front desk. It rings a few times, then a somber voice answers.

“What dost thou require?” His voice is deep and crackled, like some ancient eternal being.

“Hi Withers, it's Tav in 3C. Do you know anything about this package that was left at my door?”

“I have inspected it, and determined it safe for you to open. It was brought by someone claiming to be a friend.”

“Can you tell me anything about this someone?”

“No.”

And the line goes dead. You laugh and shake your head. If Withers says it's safe, then it probably is. You’d trust that wrinkly old man with your life, honestly. You cut open the tape sealing the box shut and lift off the top.

Inside is something wrapped in tissue paper with a note stuck to it in Astarion's immaculate handwriting. 

Tomorrow evening The Rosewood Seven o’clock Wear nothing underneath

You let out a small involuntary moan when you read the last three words. You carefully unwrap the tissue paper to find a fabric that looks like it's made of starlight. You pull out the midnight black dress and go slightly breathless when you get a good look at it. 

It’s a backless dress with a sweetheart neckline and intricate gold embellishments that almost make it look like armor. It has a lavish gold neck piece attached by several gold chains that drip over the skin. The skirt is made of a weightless black fabric that shimmers with gold as you move it in the light. It almost appears to be cut into two panels with dual hip-high slits.

With a dress cut like this, you wouldn't be able to wear undergarments even if you wanted to.

Your heart hammers in your chest as you think about what he might have in store for you. You're not even sure what's running at the Rosewood right now, but it could be complete trash and you wouldn't even care. You probably won't even be able to pay attention, too distracted by Astarion sitting next to you for two hours.

You feel a pulsing between your legs at the thought. You think of his hand sliding up your knee while you struggle to keep a straight face. Or him reaching an arm around you, gently sliding his fingers into your hair before giving it a sharp tug.

Another moan works its way out of your throat and you follow it up with an annoyed groan. You can really get swept up at the most inconvenient times. It’s not like you don’t have any work you need to do or anything. You roll your eyes as you stalk off to draw a bath.

***

Waiting in the lobby of the theater, you’re feeling surprisingly nervous. The dress, though beautiful, is not particularly comfortable. With all of its various chains and pieces, you needed Shadowheart’s help just to put it on. It helps that she’s also incredibly talented when it comes to hair and makeup, so in truth you feel positively glamorous. 

When you see Astarion, however, everything goes silent. You’re certain that he’s posing for you the way he’s stopped to adjust his cuff. The cut of the suit he’s wearing is exceptionally flattering and you imagine running your hands all over the emerald velvet. His crisp white button down is almost sheer and you desperately want to pull him into you by that forest green silk tie. 

But you can’t tear your eyes away from his face. This is the first time you've seen him wear makeup, and the simple smokey eyeliner look makes his red irises pop. He’s decided to forgo his glasses, presumably opting for contacts instead to show off the makeup. He’s also swapped out his standard silver hoops for little daggers with a red rhinestone glimmering at the hilt. 

He looks up at you the moment you lay eyes on him, or more specifically, the moment your heart starts to beat out of your chest. He flashes you a devastating smile before striding up to you and pulling you into a deep kiss. You can’t even be bothered to care that the other patrons are probably staring as he slides his hand onto your bare lower back, his cool touch sending a shiver up your spine.

He pulls away from you just enough to breathlessly ask, “Are you ready to sit down?”

“Huh?” You’re distracted, too busy plotting a mental path to the bathrooms to fuck him. He lets out a winded chuckle.

“The play. House is open, would you care to find our seats?” His palm is still pressed against your back and you can barely form coherent thoughts. You still don’t even know what play you’re here to see. You just want—no, need—to be near him.

“Um, yeah,” you respond, still trying to get your bearings and remind yourself how to be a person. You let him lead you into the theater, and only once you're in your seats do you realize that neither of you grabbed a program. You pull out your phone to see if you can look it up, but service in the Rosewood is notoriously bad. Instead you just need to sit still next to Astarion, who looks like a dream and smells even better. 

He glances at you as your heart quickens again and his lips curl into a smile. He slips his hand behind your neck and lightly runs his finger along the seam between the golden collar of the dress and your flesh, sending goosebumps down your arms. He leans toward you until his lips are almost brushing your ear. 

“You look absolutely ravishing, my dear,” he whispers, his breath tickling your earlobe. You turn your face toward him on instinct, your chest heaving as you try to steady your breathing. Your lips hover inches apart, anticipating the kiss, when suddenly a throng of noisy actors come barreling down the aisles. You snap away from Astarion as the cacophony of their shrieks of laughter, calls across the audience to one another, and drunken banter fill the house.

One of them clambors onto the stage and shouts, “For God’s sake, a pot of small ale!” He’s dressed in rags and appears by far to be the drunkest of them all. Three servingmen swarm him with various shouts of, “Will’t please your honor?” He shoves them all away and proudly takes up space center stage.

“I am Christophero Sly! Call not me ‘Honor’ nor ‘Lordship,’” he bellows as the rest of the players make their way onto the stage.

Christopher Sly… you’re wracking your brain to remember which play he serves as a framing device for. Most productions cut this scene because it’s long and completely irrelevant. You just can’t for the life of you remember which play he appears in.

The scene continues with their drunken antics and slapstick comedy as the players address Sly as “my noble lord,” making him believe he’s a king that they’re about to perform for. Eventually they carry Sly out on a makeshift palanquin as the “play within the play” begins. Two handsome young men in preppy clothes enter, holding a book and wearing glasses that aren’t too dissimilar from Astarion’s round metal ones. The one without the glasses speaks first.

“Tranio, since for the great desire I had to see fair Padua…”

Tranio? Isn’t he one of the characters in Taming of the Shrew?

He knows you don’t like this play.

Well, if it’s all that’s playing at the Rosewood right now…

But if that’s the case why not just, like, see a movie?

You shift uncomfortably in your dress and cast your gaze towards Astarion. He smiles, taking your fingers and placing a gentle kiss on your knuckles before turning back to the stage. He keeps your hand in his, absentmindedly stroking the back of your hand with his thumb. 

You can feel your heart pounding in your ears and you find yourself wondering what’s running through his head. Just when you think you have him figured out, he does something to surprise you. And honestly, not always in a good way.

Maybe it won’t be so bad. You know the creative team at the Rosewood wouldn’t pick this show if they weren’t going to try to do something with it. 

But even still… is this text even redeemable?

You sit through the entirety of the show cringing as the audience around you laughs at flagrant displays of domestic abuse. The actors, several of whom you’ve worked with before, are trying their hardest to make the lines playful, but some things just can’t be recovered. Between the forced starvation, physical intimidation, and gaslighting, you wonder why companies even bother performing this play anymore. No matter how witty the writing is, it’s just too out of date to be a good season choice.

When the time comes for Kate’s final monologue, you watch in pain as the actress tries to wink-wink-nudge-nudge her way through lines like “place your hands below your husband’s foot.” She’s young, and you wonder if this is one of her first professional gigs. You get a little sad knowing that she’s probably just desperate to do anything, even if it’s trash.

Maybe you’re being a little harsh. All of the individual elements of the show—the acting, set, costumes, direction, lighting—were quite good. You just can’t get over how irredeemable this text is. Worth teaching, yes, and maybe even taking Act II out of context just for the fun banter and clever wordplay. But professional theatre companies should really just retire this one.

In the Lyft back to your apartment, you decide to get Astarion’s take on the matter.

“Do you think it’s possible to redeem a text like Taming in a modern age?”

He pauses for a moment, continuing to look away from you and out the window.

“I do, yes,” he finally answers. “I think it takes a skilled hand, but it can be successful when done well.”

You sit on his response, chewing it over. You decide to take a different route.

“I guess a better question is do you think it’s worth trying to? Like, what are we getting out of it anymore?”

“Is entertainment not enough?” he says with a laugh. You wrinkle your nose at him.

“Sure, if you’re a basic ass bitch. But I want my art to mean something. And I can’t think of what this play can possibly mean if it’s not ‘shrill women are annoying and should learn their place.’” You cross and uncross your legs, trying to keep yourself decent.

“Last I checked, you enjoy being put in your place,” he says in a low hum and your pussy betrays you with a clench. 

“Shut up,” you grumble, and you’re grateful that the dark car hides your reddening cheeks. “It’s different.”

“Is it, though? Ultimately it is a text about two dysfunctional people finding comfort in one another.” His sincerity catches you off guard, and almost makes you angry that he’s been taken in by the propaganda.

“That’s only a valid interpretation if you ignore half of what happens in the play. They’re not equally dysfunctional, Kate literally gets beaten into submission and pretends to be happy about it. Petruchio is exactly the same from the start to the finish, he has no fucking character arc.” Your hands start to shake as you try to keep your cool. You’ve had this conversation far too many times with men who think they can interpret out the sexism by simply glossing over Kate’s abuse.

The Lyft stops in front of your building and you thank the driver as you get out. Astarion follows you, and you’re not even sure if you want him to accompany you upstairs. But you remain silent as you walk past Withers and into the elevator.

“You’re overreacting,” Astarion says once the elevator doors close. “People are drawn to this play for a reason. The text is excellent, and no one truly thinks of Petruchio as an abuser.”

“Are you joking?” Your voice gets shrill and the similarity to Kate isn’t lost on you. “The whole thing normalizes his abuse. The fact that people don’t think of him as an abuser is the problem.”

“It’s a slapstick comedy,” he snaps, his voice growing stern. “Are you going to tell me that we need to cancel the Three Stooges because it promotes violence?”

“Don’t be fucking condescending,” you spit. “It’s not the same and you know it.”

“How is it not the same? Suddenly because it’s a woman in the role it no longer counts? Are you implying that women should be barred from certain types of performance because of their gender?” He walks past you into your apartment and you throw your keys and bag on the counter, not even bothering to see where they land.

“No, that’s not what I’m saying, now you’re just twisting my words,” you grumble, more frustrated than ever by your inability to match his eloquence.

“So use your own words,” he sneers, whirling around to face you. “How is it not the same?”

“It’s because- well, I- It’s different, just- argh!” Your head is clouded by your attraction to him, which has annoyingly only grown over the past few minutes of shouting. You’re suddenly reminded of the smug arrogant bastard that you first met. He lets out a jeering laugh.

“See? You can’t even defend your own point.” 

His sardonic cruelty sets something off in you and you angrily grab the lapel of his green suit. Your intentions are a complete mystery even to you, because as soon as you’re within inches of one another, instincts take over. You crush his lips into yours and pull him backwards until you thump against the door behind you. He paws hungrily at the dress, sliding his hand under the slit and around to grab your bare ass. You gasp into his touch, feeling equally frustrated and aroused that he even controlled what you wore tonight.

Your fingers make their way into his hair and you pull hard, breaking the kiss and leaving his mouth open, panting. His eyes are sparkling with a fire that you haven’t seen yet and a low growl manifests in your throat. He smirks and buries his teeth into your shoulder, something he usually asks bespoke permission for. You cry out in response, twisting your hands tighter into his silvery locks.

He unlatches from your shoulder and pushes his knee past the front of your skirt and up onto your bare cunt. You grind wantonly against the velvet as he kisses you with bloody lips. He grabs hold of the delicate chains of the dress and yanks, detaching them from the collar and making the entire bodice crumple and pool around your waist. Your nipples immediately harden at the sudden exposure to cold air and he pinches one sharply between his fingers. Your hips roll into his leg as you groan, fully ruining his pants. He continues to bite around your neck and shoulders, placing little puncture wounds in his path, marking you as his.

You grab onto his tie and push him away so you can shimmy out of the rest of the dress. You’re now down to just the gold collar of the dress and your heels, a look you wish you could hate but don’t. You pull him across your living area and toward your bedroom, shoving him down onto the edge of the bed. 

“Thou hast hit it, come, sit on me,” he says, quoting Petruchio with a sinister grin. Kate’s retort falls out of your mouth reflexively.

“Asses are made to bear, and so are you,” you hiss as you straddle his hips, wrapping his tie around your hand until you’ve gripped it up to the knot. Your other hand violently unbuckles his belt, yanking it through the loops with a snap.

“Women are made to bear, and so are you,” he says with a caustic laugh, digging his nails into your ass cheeks. You tug sharply on his tie, bringing his lips close to yours.

“No such jade as you, if me you mean,” you snarl and silence him with an angry kiss. You don’t want to encourage his idiotic behavior, but you’d be lying to yourself if you said this wasn’t a fantasy you’ve had before. You fumble with the buttons of his suit jacket, trying to get him undressed as quickly as possible. You’re not sure if you feel more vulnerable or more powerful being undressed while he’s still fully clothed, but either way you want him naked, now. You get about three buttons into his shirt before you grow impatient, ripping it the rest of the way open and sending buttons flying. 

Good. Let him need to repair his clothes for once.

You push him flat onto his back and descend onto his chest, alternating kisses, licks, and bites. Your dull human teeth don’t have nearly the same effect as his fangs, but it just means you get to bite twice as hard in order to leave a mark. He writhes beneath your touch, and you feel a twisted satisfaction at the quiet little grunts and gasps you’re finally pulling from him. He’s rarely this vocal during sex, and it’s only serving to spur you on more.

His groans build until you capture his nipple in your teeth and bite down, causing him to shout and buck his hips up into you. In a flash he flips you around onto your back and he bears down on you, eyes dangerous. 

“Little love, do you think you’re in control?” he asks in a low growl, his hand gripped around your jaw. You sneer and slide your leg against the strained bulge in his pants. He hisses and your smile widens.

“Right now? Yes,” you coo, continuing to press your calf against his velvet-covered cock. You grab the tie still hanging around his neck and pull him close. 

“If you want it back, fucking take it.”

If I put my hands around your wrists, would you fight them?

He kisses you roughly, catching your bottom lip in his teeth biting hard enough to puncture the skin. He pulls back slightly, a drop of your blood running down his chin and a snide grin. He makes like he’s about to kiss you again but shoves your face away before your lips make contact.

This is the worst you’ve ever seen him—the most arrogant, the most condescending, borderline cruel even. And you have never been more turned on.

If I put my fingers in your mouth, would you bite them?

“Is that all you’ve got?” you taunt, licking the blood from your lips. “Go ahead, choke me, daddy.”

The feminist in you is horrified, but the little gremlin controlling your libido is having the time of its life. It squeals with delight when his hand closes around your throat, just barely constricting your breathing. 

“You insolent little brat,” he breathes into your ear, pulling up on your jaw. “I will absolutely ruin you.”

And there will be no tenderness, no tenderness.

“Do it, coward,” you spit, and he lets go just long enough to finish undressing from the waist down. He grabs your still heeled ankle and presses your leg up by your shoulder, stretching you wide enough to take him without any prep. You gasp as he fills you, the stinging pain outweighed by the gratification of finally feeling him inside you.

The only thing that I ask, love me mercilessly.

He sets a punishing rhythm, one knee on the bed and the other foot still firmly planted on the floor. He bottoms out with each long thrust and you grab hold of his hair to brace yourself. He winces with the pain but doesn’t slow down, and your moans grow high and loud as he continues to furiously pound into you. 

“Gods, fuck, Astarion,” you keen, your desire coiling in your belly and threatening to explode. “Keep going, daddy, fuck me please.” He grunts with the effort and your dirty talk seems to be having an effect as his pace falters. You jerk your hips up into him, chasing your orgasm, until finally it barrels through you like a runaway train. You pull on his hair as you come and that sets off his, his pulsing cock pressing against the clenching walls of your cunt. 

He stays deep inside you as the aftershocks reverberate through both of you, until the only sound remaining is your heavy panting. He drops his forehead to touch yours, a pleasantly tender moment after some of the roughest sex you can recall having. He starts to giggle and you follow suit, suddenly giddy. He pulls out of you with a squelch and walks to the bathroom to get a towel to clean up the mess you’ve left behind. He wipes you down gently, a surprising bit of aftercare you’re not accustomed to with him. He plants a tender kiss on your lips and you feel dizzy with affection for him.

You settle up against the headboard of your bed, his arm around you and both of you looking at your phones in a companionable silence. After a moment, he lets out a small chuckle. 

“What?” you ask, turning your head towards him quizzically.

“I’m just shocked that worked, is all,” he laughs, shaking his head. Your confusion grows and you furrow your brow.

“What worked?” you laugh with him, but something doesn’t feel right.

“The whole night, taking you to see Taming, getting into just enough of a fight to result in,” he vaguely waves his hand, gesturing to the edge of the bed, “all of that.”

“Wait, what? What do you mean?” You pull away from him and your stomach drops. Surely he can’t be suggesting what you think he’s suggesting.

“You get riled up so easily, I thought this might be fun.” He still doesn’t seem to have picked up on your heart pounding in your ears, which is frankly unusual for him.

“Are you saying… Wait, are you saying that you planned that fight? So, what, we’d have angry sex?”

“Of course, you don’t think I actually believe anything that I said, do you? Taming of the Shrew might be well-written, but it’s a rubbish play to produce.” He finally turns to you and sees that you’ve gone white as a sheet. “Oh, darling, don’t take it like that, you’re positively adorable when you’re angry, I couldn’t resist.” He tries putting his hand to your cheek but you flinch away like he’s burned you.

“Get out,” you say in a low voice, unable to even look at him.

“What?” He’s still laughing. He doesn’t get it. “My sweet, didn’t you-”

“GET. OUT.” Your voice has a venom in it that even shocks you. He stares at you in horror until you shoot him an icy glare. “Now.”

Without a word he stands and quickly puts his clothes back on. You stay in your bed, naked and curled under a sheet, until you hear the front door of your apartment slam. With shaking hands, you call Shadowheart.

“Moonmaiden’s delight, did you enjoy yourself? It certainly sounded like you did.” The sound of Shadowheart’s bubbly laugh usually makes you smile, but right now it seeps into your skin like poison.

“Shade, please come over,” you whimper, and the second the words leave your mouth, the tears begin to fall. You don’t hear her hang up, but you do hear a muffled, “I’m going to fucking kill him!” through the wall. You pull your knees further into your chest and sob.

[tossawary]

I saw "Hadestown" a while ago and found it pretty fun, especially because while it is a retelling of the Orpheus and Eurydice myth, it is also doing its own thing. It sets the story in a company town and presents a Hades in his aspect as the god of wealth. Though, it's not always clear in "Hadestown" what is figurative and what is literal. It plays with that mythological line a lot.

Hades is a wealthy businessman who owns mines and factories, which exhaust and trap (and presumably kill) the workers, a "god" among men, and Eurydice comes to work for him out of desperation. She doesn't actually die in this story... uh, I'm pretty sure. You can interpret the musical's ending a lot of different ways, I suppose. But when Eurydice first ends up in "the Underworld", in Hades' clutches, and signs a work contract to survive, her "death" is figurative.

So, when Orpheus comes to retrieve Eurydice, "Hadestown" is presenting us with a version of the story in which Eurydice can actually get away. She's not trapped by something as inescapable as death. When Orpheus appeals to Hades' love for Persephone and convinces this "god" to release Eurydice, I was watching the couple walk away together and thinking to myself, "What if they made it? What if they get to live together this time?"

I knew they wouldn't.

It still hurt.

And it later occured to me that a happy ending would betray not only the original myth, but also betray the new story that "Hadestown" presents to us.

"Hadestown" is a story concerned with poverty, with the fear of starvation and freezing to death, with the labor and rights of workers, with the oppressive power of wealth, with the selfishness of the rich. It's not subtle about it. At all. Hades is here as a figurative god of death, but he is very much present in his aspect as a god of wealth.

Hades releases Eurydice, but makes it conditional, because while Orpheus' song has softened him, he immediately becomes worried that this kindness makes him look weak and will set a bad example for all of his other workers. He doesn't want other workers to try for freedom or for other people to believe his workers can be set free. He curses Orpheus with doubt in order to make him look back.

Personally, I thought that the ending became a little messy, regarding what was figurative and what was literal. It fell back more into mythology, with how arbitrary Hades' condition is and how looking back automatically took Eurydice away. But I still liked it. Musical theatre is very well suited to that kind of blurriness in its lines.

If Orpheus had suceeded in saving Eurydice in this version, then the story would be saying that you can have your happy ending if you just work hard enough for it, if you're special enough, if you believe in yourself. The story would be saying: Orpheus' beautiful voice convinced a powerful, wealthy man that he and Eurydice were unique, that their love story was different, that their tragedy was unfair, and that they shouldn't be treated like the other poor workers. You just have to sing the right pretty song and people will listen to you out of the goodness of their hearts.

It's kind of what a modern audience expects: the heroes will succeed. They will succeed because they worked hard and they were special. The fact that Orpheus fails here too, even though Eurydice wasn't dead in this story, feels like a song getting stuck in your head because the ending is missing. It feels wrong. It's upsetting.

It made me think about how their ending was unfair. It made me think that their tragedy shouldn't have happened. That they could have been happy if only Hades hadn't taken advantage of Eurydice's poverty, if he wasn't so cruel to his exploited workers who create his wealth, if he didn't hoard his wealth instead of sharing it around, and if the wealth hadn't been allowed to go to one person in the first place. Orpheus and Eurydice were not without flaws, sure, but they were ordinary people just trying to make their way in the world. The "don't look back" condition is so arbitrary and unfair and disrespectful.

Everything happened at the unkind whims of a wealthy businessman who was scared of looking weak and losing power. It's not fair and it's all Hades' fault.

To me, though they tell you from the beginning that this is a tragedy, it seemed like "Hadestown" wanted you to think, "Maybe Orpheus and Eurydice will make it this time," and then wanted you to feel let down when they didn't. And maybe then wanted you to think to yourself, "As long as this same story keeps happening, they're never going to make it. Maybe there shouldn't be gods of wealth putting conditions on freedom, and deciding who lives and who dies. It's not fair."

[starrynights-sunnyskies]

as the flowers bloom, my heart does too ⋆*·ﾟmisa x putellas!femreader, social media au, (9/-)

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when your relationship ends and all you want to do is hide and cry, flowers suddenly start to appear on your doorstep.

or; misa hating to see a pretty girl cry and suffer and going out of her way to cheer her up while staying anonymous

fic: see my masterlist 🤍

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yourusername: last week ☀️ Liked by bff2, sofie.svava, albaps9 and 983 others

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marisabel_rguez I miss you. liked by yourusername ↳ bff2 And we miss you!! liked by yourusername ↳ marisabel_rguez 😊 ↳ yourusername I miss you more. ↳ marisabel_rguez ☺️

alexiaputellas Missing you. ↳ yourusername alright, copycat 🖤 ↳ alexiaputellas But I do!!! ↳ yourusername 😘

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tagged: alexiaputellas, jennihermoso marisabel_rguez: Family and friends 🤩 Liked by alexiaputellas, yourusername, sofiajakobsson and 12,499 others

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jennihermoso Puta, am I not family too? 🤪

alexiaputellas ❤️

yourusername oh my god, i love you sm 🥺 ↳ jennihermoso I know they're stealing the show for you, but that's including me, right? ↳ yourusername always 🤍

albaps9 hey now, not so fast, you have to put a ring on it first before we're family 🤣 ↳ bff1 good to know you're at least consistent with your rules ↳ albaps9 oh hey, it's our deranged cousin again

username1 FAMILY????? ↳ username2 yeah, misa, explain pls 🧐 ↳ username3 you don't think they... ↳ username4 😲

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tagged: marisabel_rguez alexiaputellas: Familia 🌼 Liked by yourusername, christenpress, bff1 and 49,987 others

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username1 extended family? 💍👀

yourusername brb making this my lockscreen wtf 😭

jennihermoso Team 😎

marisabel_rguez 😊 ↳ alexiaputellas 🤩

albaps9 never thought i'd see the day ↳ yourusername 🙄

username2 sisters in law....when? 👉👈

sefutbolfem Equipo 🇪🇸 ↳ yourusername be gone 😡 liked by 273 otheres

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Groupchat

you this idiota accidentally bought us tickets for the newest paw patrol film

bff2 This is exactly what I meant with zero braincells

bff3 You say accidentally but you can't convince me jajaja

bff1 race to the rescue! 🐶🚓

bff2 Wait, please tell me you're not still watching it...

you 😶

you wellllll, we're watching until our actual film starts and we can go into that theatre so PLS keep me company until then bc she's fully invested in the film now

bff1 ryder and his team of pups will come and save the day!! 🚓

bff2 Oh god 😂😫

bff3 At least I know my baby would have a good time being babysat by you two!

you aw i can't wait until that day 🥺

bff1 that's exactly why we're practising now! trying to sus out what's a nice movie to put on for them, ya know? so hurry up and make us PAWsome aunties

bff2 😂

bff3 You might not have to wait long! ☺️

you ○○○

bff1 ○○○

bff2 ○○○

you WHAT DO YOU MEAN

bff2 Uhhhh WHAT??

bff3 Surprise? 😅

you WHAT DO YOU MEEEEAN?!!!!!

bff2 ARE YOU SERIOUS 😭😱

bff3 Yup... baby coming soon 😊❤️

bff1 we're going to be aunties? 😢

bff3 I hope so! But please don't fight over who gets godmother rights 😇

bff2 Congratulations you two!!!!!!!! 😭😘❤️

bff1 okay, but it will be me, right?

bff1 kidding, congratulations OMGGGGGGGGG 😍😍😍😍

bff2 Can we come over tonight to properly congratulate you? ❤️

bff2 Also, is Y/N still here? 😅

bff1 she's crying and our popcorn is all over the floor 🤣

you omg i'm so happy for you two im overwhelmed om im soo sorry liuu screw this film im coming over right now wtf why did you drop a bomb like that through TEXTSS im nOT OKAY !!!!!!

bff1 heck no you aren't, i paid already 😡

bff1 ○○○

bff1 sigh she won, we're in the car.

you SEE YOU SOON. I LOVE YOU.

you SO MUCH!

you 😭💖😭💖😭💖😭💖

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yourusername: city trip with olga 👯‍♀️ Liked by alexiaputellas, leahwilliamsonn, leilaouahabi and 3,113 others

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alexiaputellas Have fun and keep each other safe, por favor. Miss you 😘

bff1 remember to look right-left-right when crossing the street!!! ↳ albaps9 i second that. pls don't die in london bc after brexit, it'll be hell to ship your body back to spain ↳ bff1 how much do you think she'll cost to ship or do you think we should just let them keep her ↳ marisabel_rguez She has a heart of gold, so a lot of money, but can you girls maybe not talk about her dying? 😅

bff1 yeah because the wag life must be SO exhausting 😬

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Text Messages

you hey chula, i have a question. m 💌 Yes, I'd carry you around if you were a severed head. We've gone over this. 😆 you sweet! but i can't decide on something. can i send you a photo? m 💌 Princesa, I swear to god, if it's another one of those photos that'll drive me insane, I'll choke you. you oh you i wasn't going to but i now might m 💌 Noted...but okay, send me. you black or red? m 💌 YN... I swear 👀 you black or red? 😠 you sent a photo open ▼

m 💌 Oh phew they're just dresses jajaja m 💌 Hmmm... well you know what I think of you in black, but I'd love you in both 😉 m 💌 Why? What are you up to? you picking my ballon d'or dress for next week! you but ugh misa that doesn't help me m 💌 Ohh right! 😂😅 m 💌 For the record, I'd have said red if you were talking about lingerie. you ○○○ you ○○○ you great minds think alike you sent a photo open ▼

[spicy photo attached, use your imagination, teehee]

m 💌 ○○○ m 💌 ○○○ m 💌 ○○○ m 💌 YN?!? m 💌 Ale's sat beside me in the bus, dios mio m 💌 ○○○ m 💌 Fuck, you're beautiful. Amor, I love you but please!!!! m 💌 ○○○ you 😇 m 💌 😐 you oh, so are you scared of my sister now? m 💌 No. you of how she'll react when she realises the thoughts you're having about me? you because you are having those, no? m 💌 ○○○ m 💌 I am... you well i've been having thoughts about you too. you all day now m 💌 Go on. Delivered m 💌 Querida? you ○○○ you wait sorry, i have to run! m 💌 Fuck, YN, you're a menace, you know that? 😩 Delivered m 💌 And she's gone 😅 Delivered

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↳ 1h ago: yourusername added to their story

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Direct Messages

marisabel_rguez You went with black? yourusername yep, just for you 😊 yourusername (so you'll have something to fantasise about when the award show gets boring) marisabel_rguez You like doing this to me, don't you? yourusername i thought you did too marisabel_rguez I did, until you kept it going for an entire week in which I couldn't see you... yourusername oh! no! 😱! whatever will you do to me now! 🤭! marisabel_rguez Well, nothing, not anymore. And seeing as I'm currently on the train to Barcelona to stay with you for the weekend, that sounds like a problem for you. yourusername sorry 🥺🥺🥺🥺 marisabel_rguez Too late. yourusername fine. then maybe it will become a problem for you too because i don't think i will stop teasing. how sad for you that nothing will come out of it 💔 marisabel_rguez Always a menace, aren't you? yourusername 😇 marisabel_rguez Never change, my love.

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yourusername: my hero, my big sister. finally, after everything. it was a nervewracking night, but we had a little help from above. Liked by albaps9, alexiaputellas, marisabel_rguez and 12,389 others

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judebellingham Congrats Alexia! And lovely meeting you, YN! liked by 193 others ↳ username1 👀 ↳ username2 eh, please no? 😰

albaps9 ❤️

alexiaputellas I love you.

marisabel_rguez We screamed so loud when she won! ↳ bff3 I'm pretty sure they could have heard us in France if they tried!! ↳ yourusername 🥺 ↳ bff2 Congrats Alexiaaa! ↳ marisabel_rguez Award to the most beautiful girl in the audience went to you btw! 😁 ↳ albaps9 oh oh oh! what award did i get? ↳ yourusername the most annoying girl in the audience 🤣 liked by bff1

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alexiaputellas: All that matters 🖤 (pretend you're on here again 😔) Liked by albaps9, samanthakerr20, tobinheath and 139,319 others

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albaps9 I LOVE YOU 😊

bff2 Yaaaaay, Alexia!!!

janafernandez3 😍

bff1 still my adoptive family ↳ albaps9 ..... fine. but only bc i'm in a good mood today ↳ bff1 oh... are you? 🤭 ↳ albaps9 not like that, dipshit 🤢 ↳ username1 ✨ i don't care, i ship it ✨ ↳ albaps9 🤢 ↳ bff1 🤢

username1 😍😍😍

username2 YES ALEXIA!!!

yourusername t'estimo 🥺

username3 So well deserved 🥺

username4 finally getting the recognition!! 👏

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marisabel_rguez: Proud of you! Liked by yourusername, bff2, leilaouahabi and 19,539 others

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sofie.svava Is it as heavy as it looks? ↳ marisabel_rguez I don't know, she only let me touch it for five seconds, not hold it 😪 ↳ alexiaputellas How are you complaining when my sister is yours to hold as you please? ↳ marisabel_rguez 🤐 ↳ alexiaputellas I thought so! 😜

bff1 togeeeether, foreeeever ↳ albaps9 we're misa, and alexia ↳ yourusername ✨best friends! ✨ ↳ username1 the linda and heather meme? stop 😂 ↳ username2 im living for them taking the piss out of ale and misa 🤣

username3 we've come a looooooong waaaaay

username4 can someone edit this cute picture next to the pk pic 🤣

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↳ 1h ago: yourusername added to their closed friends story

Direct Message

albaps9 I love how misa has just accepted you're all a package deal yourusername uhhh it's the other way around, if they want me, they get misa too 🥺 liked

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yourusername: house cooling party! saying goodbye in style. thank you for making me feel home on the best and worst days of my life. Liked by bff1, albaps9, marisabel_rguez and 1,893 others

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alexiaputellas It was a fun night 😁

username1 wait, leaving? to where 👀 ↳ username2 Madrid, duh ↳ username1 you think so? ↳ username2 Where else? 😅

bff3 Finally found use again for that karaoke machine again, hm? ↳ yourusername and i'm sure the neighbours loved it too!

bff1 goodbye to my second home. i won't forget you 💔 ↳ bff2 And I'm sure it won't forget you either 🤣

albaps9 HOUSE cooling party? pffff your flat's the size of a shoebox ↳ yourusername WAS. i'm upgrading 😌

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↳ 5h ago: albaps9 added to their story

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yourusername: bye barcelona 🥺 Liked by marialeonn16, bff2, janafernandez3 and 1,893 others

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marialeonn16 Bye tiny laelia, we'll miss you!

alexiaputellas ❤️☹️

bff1 i'm honestly heartbroken and it's not even sarcastic this time ↳ bff2 Sigh, me too 😕 ↳ yourusername no please don't say that. i've already stalled packing my last few things 😔 ↳ bff3 Can we come over? ↳ bff1 yes please, can we? ↳ yourusername please!!! and never forget that my door will always be open for you guys, no matter where i live 😞

username1 but hello madrid? 👀 liked by 21 others

albaps9 still in denial but oh well, little sisters have to spread their wings and leave the nest some day i suppose. going to miss being able to show up at random times for sleepovers with you. ↳ yourusername alba 😔

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Text Messages

Alexia Hey Misa. We spoke about this already, but I just want to say it one last time. I wish you and Y/N all the best together in Madrid, you're part of our family and I love you for how you love her. And I know you know this and will do this, but please take care of our laelia. Please. She's always been our entire world and I'm still a little reluctant letting her go where I cannot be there for her. But I know she has you now, which is the next best thing 😉But truly, I trust you with her. I know we've come a long way when it comes to that, but I speak the truth when I say that I am so grateful that it's you who has her heart. Don't be hard on each other when things get a little difficult in the beginning. You both haven't lived with someone for a while, so it will take some time to adjust to each other, no matter how much you love one another. But if anyone can do it, it's you two. It feels a little silly that I'm hurting so bad, but that kind of also means you're the right person for my sister. Because if you weren't, I wouldn't be hurting that hard, because I'd know she'll come back to us eventually. I'm not so sure that's the case this time. You've got her heart now, and like it or not, I don't think you'll ever get rid of her even if you wanted to jaja. She really loves you, Misa. She's never loved someone so hard. I can see that what you have is forever, even if it's only been a year. I don't think I'll ever be able to thank you enough for what you've done for her, the way you love her and did so even when she needed time. Your patience, respect and gentleness with her has earned you our love and respect. I guess I also kind of want to apologise again for what I whispered into your ear all those months ago after the PK. Because you're family. Vale? You are. Never forget.

Misa Hey. Thank you for telling me all of this, and for trusting me to take care of her. I know how close you all are and I actually feel really terrible for plucking her away from you, from her familiarities and her routines and her people. I know it was her own decision and that she really wants this, despite feeling a little torn too. If I could, I would have us live closer to you all. I know how lucky I am with her loving me so much that she wants to make a lot of sacrifices for me, but I also can't help but feel really bad about it. She's starting all over again and that can be scary, but I'm going to make sure that she feels at home and safe and loved over here, I promise you. That she'll settle in quickly and that she will never forget she's my world. That she doesn't feel like she made all those sacrifices in vain. You can trust me that I'll keep to my promise, Alexia. She's my entire world, and I have loved her for longer than I even realised myself. I know it might be a little challenging at first, but after the obstacles we went through together, I know this will only be a small bump. I'll make sure to schedule regular visits to Barcelona, even if our schedules get a little busy. I don't want to come in between the bond she has with you and her friends. I would never want to take that away from her, which is why I feel so guilty that I'm indirectly kind of doing exactly that. I actually wanted to pass up on the place we found and wait with looking for anything until after the world cup, so that she wouldn't already be by herself right away. But she insisted and I have to agree, it's the perfect place for us. I think her friends are planning to stay some weekends with her while we're in Australia, so that does ease my mind. And you're also always welcome to stay and visit us, Alexia. Actually, I'd love if you could come over for a few days during our time off after the world cup. I think she'd really appreciate it. Just keep it a surprise, for now? Anyway, I have to go back to painting the next layer in the living room so all the painting is done when she arrives, jaja! She gave me clear instructions which colours to use and where. She got really serious about it and it made me love her even more. But thank you, Alexia. You mean a lot to me. I will forever cherish you and your sister. I promise you.

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tagged: marisabel_rguez yourusername: one. Liked by marisabel_rguez, begovargas, bff3 and 1,837 others

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salmaparalluelo We KNEW it was the same person!!!! ↳ ona.battle Up top! 🙏

marisabel_rguez Time flies when you're having fun 😱 liked by yourusername ↳ yourusername it sure does! 😊

ingridengen Congratulations, sweetie!

username1 brb sending flowers to my crush if this is the end result

bff1 eyo ❤️

alexiaputellas Happy one year, you two 🌼 liked by marisabel_rguez

janafernandez3 Aaaaah 😭

username3 IS NO ONE SEEING THE TAG ON THE LAST SLIDE?>>> HELLO??? ↳ username4 HOOOOOLY FUCK ↳ username5 😱😱😱 ↳ username6 quick someone screenshot before it's gone again 😅

aitanabonmati 🎉🌼

jennihermoso Congrats, tiny ❤️

albaps9 you can make me feel single all you want today 😘

leilaouahabi 😍

patri8guijarro felicidades!!!

username1 THE MYSTERY IS SOLVED! ↳ username2 only officially, bc im pretty sure we all already knew who sent the flowers lol

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marisabel_rguez: uno. Liked by alexiaputellas, sofie.svava, bff1 and 34,635 others

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yourusername thank you for the flowers, my sweet friend 😘 ↳ marisabel_rguez The couch is yours tonight. liked by alexiaputellas

bff1 what does a card game have to do with yn ↳ yourusername i have no CLUEdo you??

albaps9 😊

username1 HARD LAUNCH?? ↳ username2 HARD LAUNCH!!!! ↳ username3 I COULD CRY AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW THEM ↳ username4 as if we haven't seen them flirt, interact and post secretive pics of each other for over a year 🤭

username5 i love how they're so casual about it lol

username6 Aww yessss congrats 😭

sofie.svava yeeeeeeeehaaaa ❤️

claudiaapina 😍👏

alexiaputellas 😘

jennihermoso Cat's out of the bag!! 😝💖

bff2 Happy one year, lovelies!

mariona8co 😁🎉

marialeonn16 FINALLY

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a/n: choose a flower of your liking, hope it'll cheer you up! 🌼🌻🌷🌺

[the-head-ancho-chilli]

The Hashira and their Sense of Humor

Apologies for the hiatus! A lot has happened over the last couple of months and I'm finally getting some of them (somewhat) resolved through therapy and A LOT of patience with myself. So here's a post that I written back in October that brings me so much joy! Thank you all for your patience ^^

Word count: 2k~

Mitsuri Kanroji

You know those types of people who want to tell you a really funny story but they need to stop laughing first?

And they've been laughing for the past fifteen minutes?

Yeah that's Mitsuri

I'm not entirely sure what to categorize this either than comedic storytelling

She could probably be a standup comedian too, she has some good stories to tell

But Mitsuri is really in her element when when someone else is telling a mildly amusing story

She will just keep adding onto it to somehow make it even more funnier than it was originally intended

Misturi could make an inside joke between you guys too, she is the designated funny friend of the Hashira

I also feel like she sometimes makes self-deprecating jokes, but not on any serious topics

Like she enjoys poking fun at the fact that she's still single

For an example, Mitsuri and Shinobu could be making an order at a restaurant for lunch

By the time Mitsuri finishes her first round of food and hands the dishes to the waiter, she accidentally drops them causing all the plates and bowls to shatter all over the floor

She tries to help clean up but the staff insists that she shouldn't worry about it

Sitting back down with Shinobu, cheeks red from embarrassment, Mitsuri will crack an awkward smile and say "Yeah, this is why I'm still single!"

Obanai Iguro

Obanai is the most sarcastic motherfucker on this list

I feel like his number one policy is "Don't ask me stupid questions"

He's already annoyed like 70% of the time, just don't annoy him even more

But then again...

"Hey Obanai, did you lose this?" "No I was just playing hide and seek with an inanimate object for fun, YES I fucking dropped it"

"You look really tired, are you doing okay?" "Hell yeah, nothing says healthy like eye bags as dark as my hair"

"Can I pet your snake?" "Yeah you just gotta let him nibble you first but don't worry, he's only venomous"

Usually he's kinda rude about it but he does have his nice moments

"Hey Obanai, can you pass me that?" Obanai will just say no but hand and just hand it to you anyways

Some people just don't understand sarcasm all the time and that's when he kinda runs into some trouble

Obanai and Kyojuro were walking to a meeting together, but Obanai had forgotten his jacket AND haori

It was quite chilly outside too, so poor Obanai was shivering while trying to keep Kaburamaru warm

Kyojuro asked Obanai "My friend, winter is coming! Aren't you cold?"

Obanai deadpanned and said "Of course not, I'm just practicing my acting. Glad to see that my shivering is that convincing"

"How interesting! Maybe you should audition for a play at the theatre!"

Obanai's annoyance kept him warm for the rest of the day

Tengen Uzui

Quite an obvious statement, but Tengen’s humor mainly comprises of sex jokes and innuendos

The man has three wives, of course he would find that shit funny

Like he will be in the middle of a meeting, and everyone will line up to receive some gifts from Kagaya

He will say "Come in a straight line, my students"

Tengen will chuckle and say "That's what she said"

Tengen is also the type to be "gay with the homies" and loves to embarrass Sanemi and Obanai by making jokes about being in love or hooking up with them

He chooses specifically those two because it felt awkward to make the jokes to Gyomei

Tengen once spent forty-five minutes explaining to Kyojuro that he didn't actually want to buy him dinner after Kyojuro gave him a genuinely offended look to the highest degree

"How deceitful of you, Tengen"

He pretty much wrote off saying jokes like that to Kyojuro following that incident, but he really can't help himself sometimes

I don't think that Tengen solely has generic innuendos he uses on everyone, he likes testing what SPECIFIC category of sex jokes makes people uncomfortable

Like if Giyu goes to the bathroom, Tengen will saunter up with a finger gun on his chin and ask "Pissing all by yourself, handsome?"

Everyone is throwing their shoes at him

Sanemi Shinazugawa

Of course this sadistic bastard likes slapstick, what we’re you thinking?

He may be good at holding in a laugh, but you can still see that stupid smirk on his face if anyone stumbles

One time Tengen's six foot ass fell face first while running late to a meeting

Sanemi actually struggled to keep his composure that day, he had to bite his lips together to hide the uncontrollable grin on his face

People getting smacked upside the head, tripping others, people getting violently angry, Sanemi loves it all

He refuses to admit that Zenitsu is funny

Now a regular civilian is one thing, but children getting roughed up is another

there was a particular incident where Sanemi had come across some kids swinging on a tree branch near a market he occasionally visited

This week ass branch definitely didn't have the strength to hold up any of those kids

So Sanemi did what any sane person would, and stuck around to watch this disaster happen

Well unfortunately for this one child, the branch snapped mid-swing and fell right on their face

And there was Sanemi, a hand over his stomach from laughing at these dumb kids

He didn't even stop to help them or anything, just calmed down from laughing so hard and walked away to continue shopping

Shinobu Kocho

An absolute queen of insult humor

Even Sanemi can’t beat Shinobu at her best

Do you even think she would stick with the basic ass jokes? Of course not

She can be an absolute menace if she really wants to

Shinobu is just tired of everyone's shit, and she can get even more exhausted from putting on that smile nearly as much as Kyojuro

She just can't keep up

Which brings me to my main point, which is that Shinobu's funny side usually comes out in rants or vents with the people closest to her

She and Mitsuri both express their humor by storytelling, Shinobu's just originates more from anger an annoyance rather than an effort to be entertaining

Regardless of who Shinobu's around, everyone can tell that when she walks through the door with steam coming out of her ears, everyone's gonna be laughing their asses off

As anyone can agree if they've worked in any form of customer service, there are some days where you are so damn close to breaking your cool

When Tengen got placed in the Butterfly Estate's infirmary, Shinobu was actually going to kill a patient instead of saving them for once

Like this man was just demanding shit and teasing his friend left and right, and Aoi had never been so afraid of her mentor in her entire life

Aoi tried to calm her down, "Sticks and stones Shinobu, don't let him get to you!"

Tengen only snickered

Ooooo, she lost her shit

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but PLEASE. FUCK. OFF"

Angy Shinobu is best Shinobu

Kyojuro Rengoku

Look me in the eyes and tell me Kyojuro doesn’t like puns

I know you can't do it

He will howl with laughter nearly every time you tell him a pun

"Hey Kyo, you're never gonna believe it! Remember my friend with a bakery? Well it just burned down!"

At first he'll show genuine concern, politely shouting "How unfortunate!"

"Don't worry about it, his business is toast"

Give him a minute...

"Ahahaha! Good one!"

Not only does he like being told puns, but if he has a good opportunity to tell a well timed pun he will not stop giggling until he tells it

One time you, Tengen, Mitsuri, and Kyojuro were all trying to decide where to eat after a long day of work

At one point Tengen suggested hotpot, even offering to take you all to one that Makio and Suma liked

Kyojuro tried muffling his laughing, but his attention was redirected when you asked him what he thought of the idea

Finally able to cease his giggles, Kyojuro proudly shouted "SOUPER"

It doesn't matter if you find the joke funny or not, Kyojuro's laughter is so contagious that you're dying at the silly pun

What a fucking dork <3

Giyu Tomioka

If there was a form of comedy that’s applicable at any given moment, Giyu would use it on a daily basis

Luckily for him, Giyu discovered it very quicky and refuses to let the tactic go

That's right, Giyu is physically incapable of stopping himself from making a "your mom" joke

Everyone can blame Obanai for that one

Quite literally at any opportunity, Giyu will mutter the phrase under his breath

Unfortunately, because it has become such an unconscious thing for Giyu, this bad habit of his ends up kicking his ass at the worst of times

with all due respect to Giyu's efforts, it just makes him unintentionally funny

in an awkward way

Giyu visited one of his favourite restaurants on his day off, the waiter asked "Is there anything else you would like, sir?" after giving his order

Now Giyu didn't mean it, he really didn't

It just slipped out of his mouth so easily

"Your mom"

Let me tell you, the silence was absolutely deafening

After the two stared at each other in mutual confusion, Giyu just wordlessly left due to the sheer embarrassment and awkwardness he had caused

He tried to go back, truly, Giyu made the effort and walked through the door

But he made uncomfortable eye contact with that same waiter and walked out

He hasn't gone back to that restaurant since ;,)

Gyomei Himijima

I have already established in my Gyomei Headcannons post that Gyomei is the dad friend of the Hashira (go check out that post if you haven’t btw ^^)

So of course he's going to make dad jokes, everyone saw this coming

God forbid you ever complain around him, he will see it as an opportunity (usually)

"Man, I'm really hungry" Gyomei will hand you a bento box and say "Hi hungry, I'm prepared

He is THAT GUY that makes "I haven't seen you since last year!" jokes

Every single year without fail

Shockingly, Gyomei and Kyojuro will bond over their mutual love for super corny jokes

One time while training Genya, Gyomei asked him "Child, what is long and sticky?"

Genya paused his routine to think for a moment, slightly disturbed by the question

"I don't know what you- fresh mochi?" Gyomei shook his head

Genya made a claw gesture with his hands, knowing Gyomei couldn't see it

"No idea, what's long and sticky?"

Gyomei gave a small, sly smile before responding

"A stick, little one"

To be honest, Gyomei's jokes do annoy some of the Hashira whenever he makes them (mainly Shinobu, Obanai and Tengen)

Normally because he's so calm about it

Tengen usually is one to lose his temper over it though

"You really got a joke for about everything, huh?" "Indeed I do, Tengen. I even have one about construction"

Tengen's eye will twitch as he taunts Gyomei "Oh yeah? Well let's hear it then!"

"I'm afraid I can't, my friend. I'm still working on it"

Kyojuro's laugh echoes throughout the meeting as Tengen realizes he most definitely walked into that one

Muichiro Tokito

His sense of humor is weird

That’s all I have, anything that Muichiro finds funny is actually kinda strange

He does this thing where he will go in with a fistbump, but change it to a high five last second

Muichiro can do it the other way around too, but regardless it results in this silly fist-five thing that makes him chuckle

He's a little bit of a devious child so his sense of humor kinda comes from whatever will annoy the other Hashira

Sometimes he will sit in the middle of a meeting and just blow raspberries while spacing out a little

It annoys the fuck out of Sanemi and Obanai because Muichiro's spit gets EVERYWHERE

Even Giyu thinks that kid comes with his own splash zone

He's not one for pranks per say, but he likes reaping a bit of terror amongst the other Hashira

One time Muichiro stole Tengen's red eyeliner one weekend purely for entertainment

the next day when everyone showed up to the meeting, people got to witness a very distressed Tengen

Holding up Sanemi and Obanai midair by the collar of their shirts, Tengen interrogated the both of them where they hid his shockingly expensive liner

Of course no one would suspect the slobbering kid, who was inconspicuously blowing raspberries

Had anyone asked Muichiro if he saw Tengen's liner, Muichiro would turn to the fuming man and giggle

Secretly, Aoi is Muichiro's unknowing accomplice in these scenarios

"Here Aoi, could you hold this for a while?" "Uhh, sure? What is it for?" "Hmm? Oh nothing..."

Don't underestimate this little shit

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Hey y’all! Hope you liked this post, it was such a pleasure to write it ^^

I’m hoping that now I’ll be able to write more for this blog now that I have more time, and I have more posts lined up in the future :)

Ask box and requests are still open, just please read the rules before submitting anything!