#I think life should be about being passive and having nice things happen to you

[warmspice]

also in an incredibly dire need to be in love but also I'm fine. don't even worry about it

[teaboot]

Okay so I have therapy later so I'm thinking about things my therapist has said and one thing I'm actually stuck on is "You can just have casual friends you hang out with sometimes for fun. You don't have to like everything they do and you don't have to agree with their choices, they can just be sometimes-have-drinks friends" and like???

I can TOTALLY get along with people I don't 100% agree with! I can ABSOLUTELY be friendly and have a nice afternoon with people I don't especially like! But like??? If I don't trust and respect them, wht would I call them my friend??

The conversation started as, like. "I only have three or four people in my life and I want to expand my bubble a little, but I've been told I have high standards- My standards are just, "people I like being around, who I admire and respect and don't treat me badly"- so how do I lower that standard without putting myself at risk? SHOULD I lower that standard? Or is it better to be a bit lonely, rather than allow for the chance of negativity and discomfort?"

And it feels like her solution to that was just, "expand your definition of friendship".

But like. How??

A friend is someone who I'd trust alone in my home. A friend is someone I want to do unpleasant chores for. A friend is someone who could have a spare key and my phone number and takes turns venting and sharing dirty secrets and asking for help and advice.

And the things I "don't approve of"- things like lying, cheating, dumping work on others, being catty and passive-agressive and not communicating... I can get along with people like that, but I dont consider them friends, because I don't trust that they wouldn't do it to me, and I don't like that they do it to others, and it's exhausting to confront people about their behaviors even if you DO already like them.

But I should hang out with people like this socially, and call them friends, and invite them into my life? Just to get out of the house? What happens if they want to come over? How could I say, "No, I'm scared of getting closer to you"? Or, "No, I don't want you to get closer to me"? Or, "No, I don't actually find you entirely pleasant, and it's not at all your fault, but let's keep this casual"?

That doesn't seem very nice, or very fair. But feelings aren't fair, are they?

Is this an Autism thing? Is it a Trauma thing? Narcissism? A misunderstanding? A delusion? Or something else?

Is everybody constantly trapped in the choice between Comfortably Lonely or Exhausted with Company?

How is anyone supposed to choose?

[erimeows]

TFA Characters' Toxic Traits

Me with another TFA headcanon set? Who would've guessed. Got the inspiration for this one after realizing I'd done it with MysMes but not with Transformers. Enjoy!

Optimus Prime: Shoulders every single burden all by himself. Will not ask for help and open up to others when needed, even though not doing so ends up negatively impacting everyone more in the end than asking for help would've.

Bumblebee: Toxic positivity- enough said. You vent to him and he's like "oh but you have so much to be happy about!".

Bulkhead: Will not take sides in any conflict of his own accord even if he knows that one side is "right" if he fears it will upset any of his friends. Passively steps out of conflicts even when he's needed, unless it's an absolute emergency.

Ratchet: Refuses to open up about trauma that he has even though it affects the way he acts and negatively impacts the people around him, who are very confused as to why he acts the way he does.

Prowl: Has an ungodly superiority complex, tends to think he's better or smarter than others (even when he's not), though he's trying to work on that.

Sentinel Prime: I think we saw in the show, but he's very prideful and will never admit that he's wrong in any situation. Also terrible at offering genuine apologies- more of a sarcastic "I'm sorry you feel that way" than a genuine "I'm sorry I did (x)" kind of guy.

Jazz: Gets uncomfortable when things get too serious to the point that if people try to open up to him about something deep, he will change the subject or deflect them 90% of the time.

Ultra Magnus: Too by the book. Will do things that he doesn't believe in or ignore wrong doings for the sake of legality.

Megatron: Very selfish and very charming, which is a bad combo. Similar to Starscream, he will be nice to your face if needed and then screw you over in the end as long as it benefits him.

Starscream: So many, but the worst one is lying to people's face and then talking shit behind their backs or doing them wrong for his own benefit.

Blitzwing: Depends on which of the three personalities you're dealing with because they all have some pretty over the top toxic traits, but the worst and most prevalent one is that all three of them tend to belittle others to feel better about themselves- especially if their life is going bad or if they're feeling insecure about something in particular.

Lugnut: The Megatron obsession, obviously. It gets to the point that anyone and anything else in his life that should be prioritized get(s) pushed to the side for Megatron's sake when Megatron doesn't value him nearly as much.

Blackarachnia: Very vengeful and obsessive about getting revenge to the point that it's unhealthy. Obviously this is seen in her TFA episodes where she wants revenge on Optimus/Sentinel for what happened when they were in school- but those emotions are over a huge tragedy that happened in her life and are almost understandable. This toxic trait also applies to, say, someone who accidentally shoulder checked her or took her lunch from the staff fridge. If you wrong her in the slightest, she will make sure she has revenge, even if it was a genuine mistake.

Lockdown: Can't handle commitment. He's not scared of it, just not emotionally mature enough. Whether it be a job, a friendship, a romantic relationship, or whatever else, he won't commit. He doesn't care whose feelings it hurts or if he's passing up on something genuinely good for himself either.

Swindle: Also can't handle commitment, but I'd argue that his worst toxic trait is actually his concern for money. He's terrified of being broke to the point that it consumes his every waking minute. Sure, he enjoys the swindling, but if he misses out on money he panics and he will go to ridiculous lengths to get a good deal or to rip someone off.

[lordofdestructionm]

The fear behind the manic grin

I know I have a reputation as a feral Vikdecai account (I mean can you blame me?) but all the characters in Lackadaisy are amazing and the main cast all have their own interesting stories playing out

Case in point the musical, poetic and lovably derranged Rocky Rockaby who thanks to the Pilot (for what will hopefully soon become a full series) a new large audience being introduce to

But there is one moment where the feral energetic grinning persona slips and we see the face a of a broken young man in a state of total despair, before mercifully Mitzi decides to lighten the tone

This is key to understanding Rocky and his motivations

After being abandoned by his father and his mothers death from illness Rocky was raised in his early years for a period of time by his aunt Nina along with his cousin Calvin (Freckle)

However, due to some as yet unrevealed tragedy, Rocky was ejected from the Mcmurray house and spent the following years riding the rails

He stayed in touch with Calvin, writing him letters about his adventures, and as you would expect from a flamboyant personality he exaggerates what a big adventure it was how optimistic he was feeling at this time as he travelled from place to place working various assorted odd jobs between 1921 and 1924

The Lackadaisy Wicki provides a nice breakdown

But of course the reality is quite different. Having no home, no family and no friends outside what brief and fleeting acquaintances he made on the road took its toll

But that changed when he found himself joining Zib's band in 1925 which at that point was playing exclusively for the Lackadaisy Speakeasy. For the first time in years he has not only found somewhere seemingly more long term to be but back in the place he thinks of as home

But even this seemingly positive change does not get to last long. Atlas's death in 1926 throws everything into uncertainty and without its leader and despite Mitzi's best efforts things begin to decline both financially and in terms of manpower.

Those that remain do so for various reasons despite leaving arguably being the smartest option. Rocky does so because he is done with drifting and is determined to hold onto the solid ground he has found no matter what. He makes this desperation clear to Calvin

Though it should be noted while he wants the Lackadaisy to be saved he wants it done on certain terms. Specifically ones where he is the golden boy that saved the day. He is desperate to ingratiate himself to Mitzi. This is in part due to him having a crush on her, but even this is tied to his perception of her as a "damsel in distress" that he can ride in and rescue, and in the process secure a permanant place for himself

This is why in both the pilot and the comic he is so devastated when he sees that she is dissapointed with his efforts.

This is also why in both you can see a barely passive aggresive attitude towards Wick.

Its not just that he is a rival for Mitzi's affection, the friendly wealthy industrialist who clearly has a thing for the beautiful widow threatens to make Rocky and his efforts to be the Knight in shining armour redundant and equally so Rocky himself.

If he invested his money in the Speakeasy he would be the hero and Rocky would just be the clown that tried so hard (risking his life even) but failed, only for some handsome aristocrat to stroll in with his chequebook

Rocky fears being adrift again. Of feeling alone and unwanted again. He is willing to go to extreme lengths to prevent that from happening. To feel wanted, included and loved he will start as many fires and thow as much dynamite and dodge was many bullets as it takes

Lets keep spreading the good word and hopefully our lovable pyromaniac and the rest of the cast will get the long running episodic series they deserve to have their stories told (and of course get more love for the comic)

[vasito-de-leche]

;R1999 6 - Relationship Headcanons

Compilation of headcanons about 6 in a romantic relationship.

I was struggling soooooo hard with another 6 request so I had to get this post out of my system fist before tackling that one

Okay, first of all! I don't see 6 as the type of person who would be that interested in having a relationship, at least not beyond what is expected of him as the leader of Apeiron. It's the least of his priorities as of now.

Part of it is largely due to his responsibilities--he knows that he cannot afford to show any sort of favoritism, and he is much too thoughtful to force someone he cares about under such pressure, simply because he harbors feelings for them. It's very ironic that the one thing that defines his entire life and existence is also what keeps him from seeking any deeper relationships. 6 knows more than anyone that the loneliness of his title would be extended to his partner, and so, he has no actual firsthand experience in romantic relationships other than what he might've studied while in reclusion.

Of course, this isn't to say that he's entirely inept when it comes to socializing or all sorts of relationships. He is the best at being 6 for a reason, as much as he dislikes it.

We know that he loves his people, if his devotion to his role of leader is anything to go by. And he clearly cares about his friendship with 210, 37 and Sophia, as strained or complex as these dynamics may be, as he makes sure to retrieve the crown that they made for him each and every day that it's stolen. He loved his aunt Alma too, she played a big role in his upbringing after all.

So 6 isn't a stranger to love, but he is very passive about it.

To describe 6 as "passive" could be seen as an insult, especially after what his character event showed us in relation to his struggle against fate, but I think there's a key difference to the passive nature that is presented between 6 prior to receiving the Revelation and after he settles in as the new leader. His initial lack of action was fueled by resignation, a fear for the inevitable fate his bloodline carries. But now, he knows that refusing to act is sometimes necessary to maintain the harmony within the island, this is why he's described as a mediator. Love can happen, but there's no reason to upset the precarious balance he maintains by indulging in romance.

On the subject of 6 developing a crush.

6 is an extremely introspective man with a very good grasp on his own feelings and thoughts--even more so now that he's obtained the Revelation! If he has a crush then trust me, he knows. He notices the fondness he has for you the moment those feelings start blooming in his chest.

And he's not going to do a single thing about it.

He's not going to act upon any of his feelings. He's not going to let anyone find out, for the sake of maintaining this perfect balance. His behaviour remains the same, no signs of being flustered whatsoever. There are no fleeting glances, no hands brushing on accident. He doesn't stare at you from afar, wondering if you could ever love him, pining and yearning for your attention.

That doesn't happen, not in public.

Just like every other detail about his life, his thoughts of you are kept private, for him to ponder on whenever he's alone in his room, meditating. The outside world has no business bearing witness to these feelings--you are special to him and so, he keeps the memory of you safe and sound. 6 is much too mature to actually pine and yearn, but he does like to wonder and explore other possibilities, another life in which he's not burdened by fate, in which he's given the choice to find his own soul number for as long as it takes. Another life in which he can openly confess without fearing for what might happen to you should you accept him.

I like to think that these little fantasies help him tolerate the stress of the daily routine, it's something nice that gives him solace. When he's alone, his existence isn't defined by a number nor the history of his family, he can just be at ease and dream of better things.

I want to stress the fact that he wouldn't confess, no matter how strong his feelings are. Even if you happened to reciprocate, 6 would always prioritize the stability of Apeiron and turn you down for your sake and everyone else's. 6 would actually prefer to be close friends with his crush.

On the subject of dating 6.

I like to think that for 6 to start considering the idea of courting you, you have to actually debate him.

Not a battle of attrition like the debates 210 insists on having, but a fair and honest discussion to give him proof and solid arguments that could help him ease into the idea of dating someone for love, rather than duty. Something like this would really ease 6's mind, being able to get to know you better through the way you defend yourself and the love you hold for him, as well as weighting the public's reaction. Two birds in one stone. If you manage to do that, then there's no reason for him to object.

I don't know what I like the most out of these options though, the idea of 6 choosing to give a proper confession in private to finally share everything he's kept to himself, so that you may accept all of him at his most honest and vulnerable. Or him not confessing, choosing to invite you to his study and enjoy a moment of respite in absolute silence, knowing that there's nothing keeping you two from being together. So whichever floats your boat!

When it comes to actually dating him, not much would change.

6 understands that there's been a considerable shift in his life, but his lack of experience and solitary lifestyle would lead him to continue with his routine--if you want to see him, then you'll have to seek him out like you've always done. He's more than content knowing you're aware of his feelings and wouldn't really seek to change anything else, so it's entirely up to you to communicate and discuss what you'd like out of this relationship. He'll be more than glad to listen and accomodate you as much as he can.

You taking the initiative in this might also fuel him to share the things he'd like to do! Again, this passive nature doesn't come from shyness, but duty. I can see him being open to anything and being very direct about his own needs, as long as he can continue to separate his personal life and time with you from his time outside and his responsibilities.

Overall, dating 6 is a very calm experience! He never got the chance to know himself without the pressure of the Revelation, but he enjoys getting to know you instead. While most of the time he simply asks you to sit with him and relax, he puts the effort into finding time to spend with you, even if it's just walking together from one place to another before both of you must tend to your respective duties.

On the subject of his partner not being from Apeiron.

The way I see it, 6 is a little more lenient with certain aspects--unlike 37, for example. I don't see her capable of being in a romantic relationship with an irrational number, and getting to trust someone from outside who isn't specifically aiming to adapt to the scriptures will take a long time, but 6 is a little more flexible under the proper circumstances.

I believe this is the case because of his Bond: Morning voice line!

...One should never parcel off the loaf, for it's a violation of the scripture. But we are not on the island. So, please enjoy the freedom.

So the moment this pressure of responsibility is lifted from his shoulders, I think he would be open to the possibility of his partner being literally anyone. Because of the Revelation, I don't think 6 is blinded by faith like other members of Apeiron are, if else he's burdened by the contradictions and paradoxes that are natural in the world.

Not sure how he would feel with a human partner though! Chapter 05 only says that humans and mankind as a whole are dismissed entirely as "imaginary numbers," forbidden on the island, and there's no specifics on how they feel about mixed arcanists.

Round of cute things.

Literally just a round of cute things that 6 would do or enjoy because I don't know how to incorporate them onto the post in a fancy way.

His crown was made to keep his hair out of his face, but we can see that it's not doing a very good job lol. I think 6 would really find it charming whenever his partner tucks his hair behind his ear so they can get a look at his face--he's much too used to hiding and keeping to himself, so wanting to be seen by you is a pretty new experience. It's also a very casual and innocent gesture, so whenever he feels like getting you to pay attention to him (more than often as a way to excuse himself out of some other conversation) he will allow his hair to drape over his face hoping you'll notice.

6 isn't big on public displays of affection. Just sitting next to you is more than enough for him--but if he happens to notice you get lonely or make cute eyes at him, he will scoot close until your shoulders bump into each other. If 6 is feeling particularly cuddly, he will hold your hand.

But behind closed doors, 6 is very partial to kissing the top of your head or your temple. It's a very gentle kiss, he doesn't even pucker up, just closes his eyes, gently rests his lips there and hums to himself. And he could stay there for a long time if you let him.

If 6 is feeling restless for whatever reason, I can see him asking you to read something for him, so he can concentrate on the sound of your voice and nothing else. It's very soothing to him. He prefers that you read something he can tune out, as opposed to telling him something he'd like to pay attention to--like your thoughts or how your day has been.

Oh! Also, I don't see him as the type to want matching accessories or material things like that, but if you were to give him a gift or something to match with you, he would specifically ask you to keep it simple--nothing gilded, nothing shiny, nothing that is easy for seagulls to steal. Something like a little string bracelet, if possible in your favorite colors rather than his--it might be just a small fragment in a world of matters, but it means so much to him.

Also also, 6 does notice a lot of your gestures or expressions, the little things about you that often go unnoticed. The way you might scrunch your nose, tilt your head, fiddle with your hands, tap your feet--anything.

[reqxxyt]

"Are you ever going to settle down" p.g

pairings: piere gasly x f!reader

warnings: rushed ending, sexual interactions mentioned

masterlist

“Are you ever going to settle down?” my middle-aged aunt sat across from me and asked with the same passive-aggressive smile she gave the rest of the family. I could feel my own mother tense at her words knowing a relationship is the last thing I want and I expressed that very proudly. But instead of trying to get into another stupid argument on how I don’t need a guy to fulfill my needs and wants I just shook my head and smiled the fakest I’ve ever gave. 

“I’m content on my own” I summarized my speech that wanted to itch out of my throat. Her smile dropped before being replaced with one that leaked sympathy, something I hate being the reciprocate of. She turned to my mom, hoping to hear some words from her but all she got was a shrug. 

“What about having children?” I had clearly seen that question coming, being nearly 28 and having most women figures in my family start their family in their early twenties, it's strange to hear someone claim they don’t want kids. At least any time soon. 

“Not in the plan right now,” I said with the urge to leave, hating the interrogating questions. I’ve had my fair share of relationships and I figured out they just aren’t for me. Plus, I am terrible with kids. All the kids I’ve approached just see me as a quiet, intimidating person that stares down at them because they refused to go down on their knees as they have a sensitive backs. 

Later on that same day, I was on a call with my friend of nearly a decade complaining about my aunt and her unnecessary sympathy. 

“Maybe you should consider going back into dating,” she said on edge because she knew how much I hated when people suggested the option. Instead of declaring the same thing I did with my aunt, I simply stared her down until she rolled her own eyes. “Just saying. You can’t live your whole life in a club and hook up with the first person you deem attractive”

“Doesn’t sound so bad” I shrugged but knowing it was a terrible life path. “Besides, I just don’t think there are people out there who want the same things as me. To not have kids right away, to be lenient and just let the relationship be itself until it either ends or feels right.”

“There are lots but okay,” she said and I wanted to groan, starting to become frustrated at the entire situation. “How about I set you up with someone?”

“You?” I asked already hating the idea of that happening. She nodded before saying “Hear me out. I have this distant friend who lives near you, I think you’ve seen him at my boyfriend birthday. Really nice, definitely your type”

“Type? Are we in high school?” I said judging her choice of words making her now the one to give me a blank stare. 

“Shut up. Besides, it will give you a chance to escape from the whole relationship talk with your aunt”

The more I thought about it, the more it didn’t sound so insane to me. Doesn’t hurt to give it a chance, right?

“Fine,” I said and she smiled brightly. “If this doesn’t work, you have to name your kid after me” 

“Never happening. But, if this does work, you have to allow me to make a speech at your wedding” and like that, we made a deal. 

I dressed in a simple outfit, figuring it was going to be cold wearing a blazer with a black long sleeve and dress pants. I hated going on dates because of the first impression and since I had never met this person before, their first impression is visuals. Not like I had much of a choice either way. 

I entered the coffee shop not spotting anyone that stood out and looking as if waiting for someone. I walked up to the cashier ordering a simple latte already imagining the worse as I frantically texted my friend, asking her when he would arrive. 

“Y/n?” I heard my name being spoken from a familiar french accent. I turned around and my movements froze. 

Well he’s definitely my type. I had seen him at the party my friend mentioned. I’d even talked to him, ending up at his place before leaving the next morning without exchanging another word to each other. 

My eyes widened, immediately recognizing him while he searched my face with a curious gaze, trying to recognize me before finally remembering. 

“Well, I finally got your name” he said with a small smile, finding it comical while I wanted to die internally. The one time I hooked up with a guy at a mutual party turns out to be my blind date my friend set me up with. We stood in silence for a moment before I finally looked down, no longer being able to look at his colored eyes. “Pierre”

“Y/n” I said out of pure habit before realizing he already knew my name and face palmed myself, ready to dig my own grave. He only laughed assuring it was fine, ordering his own coffee while I stood on the side waiting for him to finish. 

We sat next to a window, a small booth forcing to face each other. He was the first to speak “I honestly didn’t think I would see you again. Especially like this”

“Neither did I” i mumbled, barely heard by him. I immediately felt terrible for leaving without not saying anything. “I’m sorry for just leaving, I-”

“It’s fine” he shrugged before I could finish my excuse. “Want to start over?”

Hearing those words with his small, comforting smile somehow made me want to stay. I didn’t feel the need to run away like many other situations, I felt okay being here. I wanted to stay. 

“Sure, Pierre” testing out how his name rolled off my tongue, loving it myself. I caught his cheeks getting pinker, whether from the freezing degree whether or my two words, I’ll never know until I would ask months later. “What do you like to do?”

“Well…” and the conversation flowed from there. After the first couple of dates, he asked me out and I without much mental debatting, agreed allowing the relationship to flow on its own. 

After a long 3 years, he asked me to marry him. Again, no hesitation needed. No questioning myself whether this was for the best. 

I didn’t settle down for him. I settled down with him. 

[drspencereidshairtie]

Season Four of The Umbrella Academy was really really something for me because I had disliked lila since the very second they first introduced her. I remember being actively relieved when the show confirmed my suspicions about her, because i had felt a bit bad at first for judging her for no tangible reason.

I never really warmed up to her, in fact i actively hated her by the end of season two (which only went on to get 50x worse in season three with the whole he's our son / just kidding / whoops he's dead / haha im pregnant by the way thing) and then of course season four happened.

I actually almost kinda liked mom!lila. I was like oh, she can be human. She CAN be likeable. Maybe, just maybe, she's not a monster. I liked her new dynamic with Diego, and i enjoyed seeing her being a stressed, caring, normal mom and having a mundane life...for about two seconds. Then the whole 'book club / not book club / let him think I'm CHEATING on him' thing happened, and i was swiftly reminded that there was a reason i didn't like Lila.

Then she gets a power. It was actually a chance for her to be interesting and have character growth beyond just being a mom and wife. They could have used her to show what it's like when marigold interacts with someone who's never before had powers; they could have had some kind of fun training montage, like they did with Klaus and Reginald in season three when he discovered his immortality; and they SHOULD have done something of consequence with it, like having her accidentally hurt someone, or damage something important, idfk but, like, literally fucking anything!!!????!!!!???!!!!??? 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Instead, they just gave her stupid useless eye lasers that she uses about three times, can't control at all, and never comes up again. And it feels like they did it because they knew Lila was a weak character that couldn't stand on her own without the context of the rest of the umbrella academy, so they had to kinda 'even out the playing field' somewhat, even if it defied any and all logic and reason.*

Which, in my case at least, was an unfortunate choice. The one thing I'd actually somewhat liked about Lila was that, despite her personality and history, she was, for all intents and purposes, just an average human. I like seeing regular people in shows about abnormal folk. They give a nice context to the chaos, even if they too are 'chaotic' characters, you know?

Just when I thought she couldn't get worse.........well. I don't think i have to explain what happened. It was so much worse because Five had always been one of my favourite characters and OH MY GOD,,,,,,, HE WOULD NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER DO THAT! HE WOULD NOT DO THAT???? And you know I'm not just saying that in a delusional 'i know him better than the writers do' fan way, because pretty much everyone is in agreement.

He LITERALLY would not fucking do that. ESPECIALLY with Lila, who he's always disliked at best and actively tried to KILL at worst, and especially not now that she's his BROTHER'S WIFE and not to mention the MOTHER OF HIS BROTHER'S CHILDREN????

Anyway, that was my final nail. I no longer just hated Lila and passively wished she hadn't been added to the show, I wanted her dead. I wanted her to be killed off, or have something happen where five returned to the correct timeline but Lila couldn't for some reason, I just wanted her gone and SOON. I think it was probably what killed season four for most people, not just me. I think that if Lila had never existed, or at least hadn't made it to season four, or hadn't gone with five and................

If that hadn't happened, I think it could have been salvageable, even despite the one million and one problems with the season.

TL;DR: I genuinely, truly, deeply believe that the main issue with season four of the umbrella academy was the overarching existence of one 'Lila Pitts.'

(Don't even get me started on her almost jeopardising everything at the last moment in the final episode. I almost broke something in sheer frustration, because OH MY GOD we literally don't have time for this the world is ending infinitely and your life is not more important than the life of a single slug muchless the lives of BILLIONS of people- deep breaths, dustyn. Deep breaths.)

[notmorbid]

the great believers, pt. 1.

dialogue prompts from the great believers by rebecca makkai.

how in hell did you get younger?

you have one of the best faces for concern i've ever seen.

there's absolutely no point to doing poppers at a memorial.

i was never one to finish my homework.

people aren't always looking for ways to hurt you.

where would i even go?

i'm not calling you slick. you're charming like a puppy.

learn to take a compliment.

you're hard to stay mad at, you know.

i'm going to say something terrible, and i don't want you to judge me.

you get afraid of one thing and suddenly, you're afraid of everything.

how is this my life?

i know the circumstances aren't ideal, but it's damn good to see you.

i don't know when on earth you got so spoiled.

i don't want to get my heart broken here.

you've done too much vanishing lately.

i'd look great with a broken nose. admit it.

don't you miss having fun?

i think we have different ideas of fun.

i have some coke in my purse.

when we go upstairs, we can have a party.

you never really 'leave' a cult.

i'm not talking about this to you.

i don't like this. something feels wrong.

some people are just born difficult.

it's nice to know you're alive.

i don't know when i died, but this is my valhalla.

i knew i'd run into you.

save your strength for when you need it, okay?

i like you. i want to be your friend.

tell me the story of your life.

don't talk, okay? i'll talk.

how did all this happen in a week?

belief is a fragile thing.

everyone wants me to be madder than i am.

i don't deserve you.

i got this 'word a day' calendar for christmas.

i'm not looking for advice.

you'd think the doctors would know more.

you don't smoke, do you?

didn't i look fantastic?

things are so often exactly what they seem to be.

we're not terrible people, are we?

what were you afraid i was going to ask?

some people actually feel things.

do you have a cigarette?

tell me about your first.

what? are we bonding?

there's foreplay, and then there's afterplay.

you're being kind of vampiric.

isn't it something you should talk about? to process it?

why am i not crying?

it was all a projection. it was whatever we needed it to be.

i'd probably just cry on you.

is there any chance i could crash at your house tonight?

are you alright? you look like hell.

i really am sorry it turned out this way.

are you being passive aggressive? what is this?

you don't seem okay.

i'm about to pass out.

i want to go to sleep now. can you leave?

i needed to tell someone.

i can't believe you're being this good to me.

to get by in my job, i have to be a certain way.

it's been a long time since i had a day that just cuts your life in two.

i've had days like that. 'before and after' days.

you can stay as long as you need.

i feel like my head is full of oil and vinegar, and somebody's shaking it all up.

isn't whiskey basically medicine?

you'll never know anyone's marriage but your own, and even then, you'll only know half of it.

we were never here.

not everyone wants to be found.

you can sit beside me. it won't kill you.

maybe we're both terrible. maybe we deserve each other.

be gentle, won't you?

i've got it from here.

are you aware that you haven't apologized? has that crossed your mind?

you look like an entirely different person.

if i stayed one more night, do you think that would be okay?

i feel so strongly that you're going to be okay.

[dballzposting]

It's just that well simply put Gohan didnt have any time to himself ever. There was always bullshit happening. Then Goku died and Goten was born and Gohan had to keep his mother from falling apart and his baby brother healthy and happy. And it's rewarding work. But yknow

When he wasn't tending to the baby or helping with other domestic chores, he was in his room studying. It's nice to learn about the world he fought so hard to save. It's also nice to not have to have a relationship with his body (as with fighting) so that it's easier to dissociate from all the bullshit. Academia was a lifeline out. It was also a definitive "good" thing to be doing. It was also an escape. And also a source of the stress that he's so accustomed to. And yknow. Maybe the letters started to dance on the page after a while. A life unlived will find life in other places. Maybe the historical figures were his friends. Maybe he memorized chemicals like one would memorize constellations. Maybe different mathematical functions began to represent and facilitate different experiences of emotion. You know how it is

I mean maybe not. Maybe he got out enough and was present enough to not dip into that. If his time alone was really that needed, then I imagine that he would get angry if interrupted; but I don't imagine that he snapped often when his mother called him to attention or when his brother needed something from him. I think that he finds fulfillment and peace in his family and he wants to be there with them. But I think that he also finds habits of repression or self-denial.

I'm not saying that he represses all of his anger, because he doesn't. What he does repress is infinite amounts of survival rage. What he doesn't repress - and what seems like he's not even aware of when he expresses it - is sharp annoyance. A mild example would be when he snapped at Goten for bothering him during his training, which was super funny. A more poignant example is Every Time Somebody Insults his Great Saiyaman Persona somehow. First he was interjecting into his classmates' (strangers!) conversation to correct their misnaming of the new hero, and he didn't seem to notice how rude his tone was or how surprised his classmates were. Then later he stopped two reckless drivers, and they made fun of his goofy persona, and Gohan (without resistance) just threw a petulant fit - and he did not seem to notice how he was Destroying The Road by stamping his foot.

My favorite example was when Krillin told him he looked dumb. I should probably get screenshots. Gohan's Eyebrows Twitched and Reared like Rattlesnakes. And his passive aggression was enough to constituent manslaughter. Masked behind saccharine positivity. It was a vile display. What do YOU know about Fashion, Quiverin..! (<- What we sometimes call Krillin in my house becasue he's always cringing and quivering and being fearful lol.)

OK I didn't get screenshots but I have this timestamped video from the youtube.

And it makes sense that Gohan is super defensive about The Great Saiyaman. It's the first thing that he's gotten to do/be that was up to him.

I understand that Bulma designed the original get-up, but it was still collaborative; it's not like when Chichi dresses him in what she can afford to buy or make, or when Piccolo dresses him in what he himself likes to wear. And Gohan picked the name. He picked the poses. He picked the voice. He picked the personality. He picked the role.

You know that Oscar Wilde quote that goes something like "give a man a mask and he will tell you the truth"? Yeah. There's madness behind that mask.

It's also a very significant time for him because he's for the first time having the opportunity to associate with peers in a consistent way. And he wants so bad to be "normal" and that's also why the mask is so integral and alluring. And he wants to be a normal bloke and make normal friends, but at the same time, he's out of practice without really realizing it; he hasn't come to terms with how in order to make friends, you have to put yourself out there. He thinks that he can simply make friends while hiding himself and lying about everything. And when Videl starts trying to figure out who he is and pry the mask off, it's a horrifying inconvenience. And Gohan just isn't in the habit of receiving well others' companionship, having lived isolated for so long; when Videl makes him teach her how to fly, he's nice to her, but you can tell that he just wants her to leave.

Her insistence on drilling into him is why they become friends and eventually marry, though.

He seems like an optimistic fellow, and his appreciate for life must be sincere, as his history necessitates it - if life sucked, all of that would have been for nought. But remember, for a good seven years it was just him, his mother, and the new baby. No drama or adventure to bring him out into the world. No friends his age that he could connect and evolve with. Just him up there on Mt Paozu stagnating.

There was definitely a lot of goodness and happiness and stargazing and lovely dinners and hanging out with dinosaurs. But there was also a lot of boredom and avoidance and why-is-the-baby-crying and mom-please-put-the-wooden-spoon-down and mom-please-stop-crying and can-i-have-the-time-to-study-unbothered-please and an undercurrent of feeling bogged down that really isn't apparent until you get out and get moving.

Gohan never says this outloud or thinks this definitively, but it's a natural truth, like the wood that a house is made of - he is going to do everything he can to be a good brother and to protect his baby brother. And it's a given, too, that he'll do everything it takes to keep his mother sane and happy, because everybody else shies away from her, and it's SORT OF Gohan's fault that Goku had died, and he very much wants to give back for all of the nurturing that his mother has given him.

And when you want to be a force of Good that badly, it completely turns you away from the parts of you that may be Bad, and encourages you to be afraid of certain feelings or needs.

When Gohan snaps at people out of irritability or defensiveness, it really seems like he doesn't know that he's doing it, and it comes out in the way that a hurt child may just act out. Everything else that is ugly about him just gets buried deep. And that makes him a weirdo. That's what it seems like anyway

[lamentus1]

Where Ed starts to learn that his actions were forgivable and that he is lovable.

Ed believes that he is unlovable and yet the crew shows him love despite everything he put them through. He feels guilt about what he did to them, and yet the crew forgive him easily.

This contradicts some of the takes I’ve seen over the past few months that suggest the crew didn’t forgive Ed, or that it wasn’t explicitly shown that they forgave him. I sometimes wonder if those people missed episode 5. In this episode everyone gets closure (or at least starts to).

Ed’s initial speech might sound like a politician’s speech, but even at that stage some of the crew are won over, some even impressed by his apology.

Ed and Izzy share a drink out of a bottle. Ed apologies to Izzy, saying sorry about his leg. It’s awkward, but it’s right for both of them.

Lucius might not get closure after throwing Ed off the ship, but he does start on a sort of path to healing. His therapy is drawing pictures of Ed in an attempt to reconcile the real Ed with the evil Ed in his head. He is putting Ed’s face on nice things that he likes, like flowers and dogs, and kind of creating positive associations with Ed’s face to wipe out the negative one that he had. It’s great therapy. And then Izzy tells him that moving on is better and Lucius takes Pete’s advice and focuses on the fact that he lived and he finally takes hold of what he wants - a life with Pete.

When Ed speaks to Fang he admits his guilt. He says: “Maybe I did too much. I took a man’s leg. Terrorised you. I wasn’t a good guy. I’d like to make amends, but honestly I wouldn’t even know where to start, what to say to make things better. How to say it. There are certain things I should be saying…”

At which point Fang interrupts and basically stops him saying any more. In fact he accuses him of talking too much “because you don’t know how to sit with yourself.” Why does Fang cut Ed off at that point? Maybe he is just saying it’s ok, we forgive you, or maybe he just wants Ed to stop scaring the fish. Whatever reason Fang thinks Ed has said enough. He is forgiven.

Ed takes on Fang’s advice to stop talking and just “sit with yourself”. The whole experience with Fang probably leads to Ed’s philosophical approach to being a fisherman.

What’s all this say? That Ed feels like he has to do more to make amends, but the crew is like: ”We’re ok. We still love you.” I also think there is an element of we don’t need to forgive you for what happened because it wasn’t your fault, it was your depression and despair. Nobody should be blamed for a mental breakdown.

But even in the next episode Ed still feels the guilt. In the Calipso’s Birthday episode we have the Guilt Room. “Excellent, A reminder of my guilt. A guilt room,” as Ed says. Even though the crew has forgiven him, he won’t forgive himself.

Ed uses the symbol of his guilt for something good, he turns the poison into positivity with the party paid for by the plunder. But then of course even that goes wrong with the arrival of Ned Lowe, which Ed blames himself for (Ned being one of his passive suicide options that he has now brought down on the crew and Stede).

I feel that the choice of words Ed uses when he tries to stop Stede killing Ned are significant. He says: “Killing in cold blood, you can’t come back from that.” I always wondered what he meant by that, it seems a strange thing to suggest that the circumstances would be “in cold blood” (e.g. no emotion, ruthless and unfeeling) when they are anything but. That’s not what Stede is doing at all, Stede is defending his crew and ridding the world of someone who sort to hurt and kill them all. He is defending his crew from an evil person, just like Ed defended his mother and himself from his father. It’s another thing Ed has to learn: that sometimes killing is justified and it doesn’t make you a bad person.

Then Ed goes to Stede afterwards to offer support and Stede’s reaction to Ed standing at the door talking about how his first kill was his father is to pull him towards him. Perhaps this isn’t just Stede saying he wants Ed, it could also be Stede saying that it was the right thing to do for both of them, to protect their family. And that they have that thing in common. They are comforting each other - and it’s definitely what Ed wanted to happen, I firmly believe he didn’t only go to Stede to comfort him.

I’m going to leave it there, because obviously Ed still has a lot to work through before he can truly forgive himself and learn that he is loved, but he is part way there.

[hologramcowboy]

I just read an ask when certain anti daneel blog replied and claimed that Jensen abused daneel, I'm sorry but this is super hypocritical comming from anti daneel blog , like theses blogs spend years taking about awful D is, how they cant tolerates her voice, her face and her attitude, and they only knew her on surface level , now imagine being in Jensen's shoes, he knew for how long 15 years? The person that has to deal with Daneel 24/7 is no one but Jensen! and pls dont tell me he brought it up on himself we dont shame woman who stay in abusive relationship and we should do the same for men, do ppl expect him to be happy and relaxed the whole time ? never be angry or mad, he is a human and not a sheep that smile and do whatever she want him to , oh poor daneel he wasn't nice when he walked away from her to sign fans autographs, will guess what he doesn't have to be when she is a literal bitch , you can see that 2 minutes later in the same video she was shoving him forward, she is disrespectful , always made fun of him , rarely if ever had anything nice to say about him but I guess Jensen always need to treat her like the queen she think herself is, put in your mind that she was bitch since day one while Jensen used to be way nicer several years ago , yeah there was no chemistry btw them but he always speak highly of her and was way more tolerant towards her , he only recently started to be passive agressive when he talks about her so if he fed up with her and strarted to grow spine and put her in her place then good for him , but I doubt this is the case and I still think she is in full control of everything otherwise we wouldn't get the abomination that called TW , he sacrified his relationship with jared and lost half of the fandom to give his useless talentless wife a job and as one of the anon mentioned she is the one that send him back to work when he wanted to have vocation, I just think what happened here is that Jensen is older now and less tolerant of BS , he doesn't have job to run away from her and he is stuck in miserable marriage to take care of his little children that he never ask for ( another thing he didnt want and agreed to do just to make her happy) so if I was him I'd be angry too.

This is an older ask, I decided to reply to it because something’s been on my mind lately. The dangers of one sided views.

Let’s get one thing clear, both Jensen and Danneel show disdain and contempt for each other. Both have displayed less than ideal partner behaviour. Not sure what this anon was reading at the time but my guess is they saw one of my posts in which I mentioned Jensen was not behaving like a stand up husband.

There’s this narrative going around that vilifies Danneel without giving Jensen responsibility. That basically makes Jensen into a baby easily controlled by the evil, manipulative, witch Danneel.

I’m not saying Danneel can’t be manipulative, I’ve always called her out when she has been. I’m saying there’s an entire dedicated side of fandom that basically views Jensen as an abused baby who is no longer in control of his life. I’ll admit that, in the beginning, I too fell for these narratives but, over time, observing Jensen’s choices, it became clear where his values lie. He’s not the ideal husband, he’s career centered, he never takes responsibility for anything, everything is on Elta. Those are not the signs of an abused man but rather a man that has created a life of convenience and for whom family life comes second. I’m really tired of receiving anon messages about Jensen being abused.

Is Elta demeaning, devaluing and all of that? Yes, undeniably.

Is Jensen powerless? In no way, shape or form!!

If he is in a marriage with Danneel is because he chooses to be as long as it is convenient to his lifestyle. He lets her get away with certain behaviours as long as it serves him.

Jensen is a highly privileged man who holds all the cards when it comes to his career and personal life. Let’s please stop pretending he is a helpless baby run by Danneel the witch. Again, I know she’s manipulative but, at the end of the day, everything she is allowed is thanks to Jensen. The very reason she even has children is thanks to Jensen, her recent roles and titles - thanks to Jensen, recent press - thanks to Jensen, getting away with being condescending and devaluing on stage - thanks to Jensen. It’s a choice, at the end of the day.

While I have zero doubt he is unhappy due to the choices he’s made so far, I no longer blame Danneel for his misery because he holds the power to change his path entirely. Many actors in toxic relationships have divorced and still enjoy a career so if Jensen is holding back from divorcing it’s due to choosing to stay in a relationship where both partners feed off each other’s unhealthy dynamics.

It takes two people to form a dynamic. Let’s give responsibility where it is due, because being responsible for one’s own boundaries, wellbeing, life path is where freedom and healing begin. Being responsible is being empowered as opposed to power-less. Shitty person as she may be, Danneel is fully supported in her shenanigans by Jensen, he approves of her everything so let’s stop pretending like she’s some supernatural evil thing that moves in the dark and start acknowledging just how much Jensen enables her and, while we are at it, start acknowledging he’s no angel either. I dislike Danneel but I also feel sorry for her, for her marriage situation but, I guess, at the end of the day, you sow what you reap and they both chose fame and money over deeper values.

This is my view, purely, take what resonates and leave the rest.

[whentherewerebicycles]

ok obviously because i am myself i have to journal through some Big Feelings!!!!

here are some of my feelings:

i feel an immense sense of relief. i have been in so much pain for so long with no solutions and no clear endpoint. i feel like i've been slowly losing my mind for weeks. it is just not good for your brain to experience that much pain or to feel that much raw despair every night for so long. i can have my baby and then i can have the surgeries and then i can get PT and then i can recover normal motor functions and not be in excruciating agony. i feel like i've been so deep in the despair pit that i've started losing sight of the fact that i'm genuinely excited to have a baby. i've started losing sight of the fact that there's going to be a baby, period. it's felt like this would just last forever and ever and ever. but it won't. it might last another month or two but from sunday onwards i will be moving in the direction of less pain.

i feel an immense sense of guilt. i know i should wait until 39-40 weeks for his health/well-being but also i know many people who were induced early and their babies are fine. i was born at 38 weeks and he'll be born at 37.5 weeks and i have had no lasting health issues. and they will keep a close eye on him and we will be able to manage anything that happens. i am trying not to let myself be swallowed up by the fear that i am being hugely selfish by prioritizing an end to my own pain over his well-being. i love him so much and i want him to be healthy but i also have to trust that my health and well-being matters and is important to his health and well-being. like i guess start as you mean to go on, you know, and i want to try to be a parent who can make decisions that take care of my kid but also honor my own needs.

i feel frustrated. as my sister pointed out if people had felt a greater sense of urgency about the pain earlier i probably could have gotten to "clear evidence of nerve damage" sooner and then had time to prepare for an early term induction instead of making it feel so rushed. also maybe i wouldn't have done so much damage to my hands in the meantime. i mean maybe everything would've played out exactly the same way and that's fine but it is still a little frustrating to tell people that you are in the worst pain you've ever experienced and to have them be like aw i'm sorry but that seems normal. but it's fine! it's fine.

i feel kind of proud of myself. one of my goals for pregnancy esp after the pregnancy loss over the summer was to get better at medical self-advocacy. i tend to be really cowed by doctors and to downplay symptoms or to assume that if i am a bit more forceful in asking for things i'll be labeled a difficult patient. but i think over the last couple months i have done a good job of nicely but firmly being like, this is not normal. this is not normal. this is not normal. i know you are saying this is normal but this is not and cannot be normal. and i feel like saying that repeatedly and showing up to the ED and calling all the time finally made people be like hm maybe this isn't normal, and then i was able to get objective confirmation that my hands were sooo fucked up, and now things are happening that are moving me towards a future without this pain.

i feel stressed about work but also in some ways i've moved so far beyond that i don't feel that stressed. like i just don't have time to care about my boss yelling at me or being passive-aggressive towards me for leaving early. i'm about to do something that is so, so, so, so, SO immensely more important and meaningful and life-affirming than like, figuring out who's going to cover tabling events or run an application workshop in the fall. like come on. i am not going to expend a single ounce of energy on that in this last week. i will wrap up everything to the very best of my ability and then i will leave it. nothing is life or death in this job, and i have done a good job already of preparing my team for the transition.

i feel panicky!!!!!! i'm going to have a baby in less than a week. i thought i had more time although like what was i even going to do with that time given the fact that i can barely perform household chores or type for more than 30 min at a time or sleep. i feel panicky just because it feels so sudden, but also like, i have everything i need to bring him home, and i've read all the books and done all the pre-baby prep work and i've spent nine months getting ready for this moment. i have a bunch of chores and errands i want to take care of before sunday, but then i want to really dedicate saturday to reflection and journaling and taking long walks and just like, experiencing the last day of being just me.

i feel grief!!!! a whole part of my life - the part where i'm not a parent - is ending. i wish i had more time to honor that transition and to reflect on what it meant. i will definitely carve out time this week to do that and will try to not fritter away the next five days with errands... i think it's much more important to spend time getting myself emotionally ready.

this is a little dumb but i must voice it aloud: i feel weirdly sad about ending the part of my life where my dogs were my most important companions & beloved creatures. i know they will continue to be my beloved creatures! my best little guy and my sweet scruffy little girl! but the time when we were just a little family unit of three is ending and everything will be different now even if it will also be better and richer in a whole host of ways. i have already done a lot of crying and forcibly snuggling a disgruntled Pip and i anticipate there is a lot more of that in my future this week lol. but we will take lots of good long walks and i'll snuggle them so much and i will just trust that it might take a little time for us to settle back into our new normal but we'll get there.

i feel grief, too, at the thought of not being pregnant anymore. in some ways i'm SO ready... my whole body just feels so heavy and so uncomfortable and so swollen, and of course, as you might have heard, my hands hurt so much i think about cutting my fingers off at least once a night. but for the most part, up until this last stretch of pain, i've really, really loved being pregnant. i love feeling him kick and stretch and roll over inside of me. i love rubbing the outside of my stomach and feeling him press against the inside in response, like we're talking to each other, like we're making contact. my baby!! my little guy i've carried inside of me for nine months. i did expect to have more time to savor the end of pregnancy and to honor the experience (even the painful parts) in ways that felt meaningful to me. i feel real grief about not being sure if i'll ever get to do this again! and i wish, idk, i wish i could've paced myself through the end of it differently and had time away from the distractions of work to really have this experience of being in my very pregnant body, connected to my baby in a way I'll never be again, in a way that has felt really deeply meaningful to me. i'll do my best to make that time this week, and i know it's ok, i know that the next chapter will be so good too, but i can grieve not getting to have the ending to pregnancy i wanted.

i feel ready to be changed forever. the rush at the end is not what i wanted for myself, just in terms of getting my head on straight before he arrived, but on some deeper level i've been ready for this for so long, and i'm so, so ready. i want to meet my baby. i can't believe he's going to be my kid for the rest of my life. i can't believe how lucky i am that i got to choose this for myself and that i get to live the life i wanted. i'm so ready. i'm so ready. i can't wait to meet my kid and i can't wait to meet my new self on the other side of this big, big, big, forever-life-altering change.

[scientia-rex]

Reasons my life is better this year than last year:

-Umbrella reason: new job

-Work next to doc who consistently laughs at my jokes

-My boss doesn't get passive-aggressive and also doesn't mind profanity

-My boss, despite being straight, fully supports me providing gender care and likes to send me CME opportunities for conferences I can't go to because I can't take time off without a lot of notice but it's still a nice thought that he saw "LGBTQIA+ healthcare" and went "oh I know a doc who does that! she should go!"

-On my other side is an MA I get along with fabulously bc despite having different native languages we both appreciate the importance of snacks, naps, caffeine, and being a little bit snarky

-She always brings me a donut if somebody leaves a box in the break room and she knows I might not see them until they're gone

-My MA sits behind me and is possibly my long-lost twin? Except that she's a foot taller than me, GOD, I wish I was tall, but we're on the same wavelength at all times and we have very similar interests and senses of humor and I love it and I hope she works here until we both retire

-The other people who sit in our room with us vary between a delightful nerd who I only haven't befriended harder bc she has kids and is always making a point of going home to them on time, an older doc who works per diem for us now and taught me how to do greater occipital nerve blocks on a whim and is actually a decent person despite being an old white privileged man, and our dermatology provider who once told a patient I was, and I quote, "cool as fuck," which is funny because I think SHE'S cool as fuck

-Our nurses are the best. Just the literal best. They go all out, on a daily basis, to not only make sure I do the minimal amount of bullshit busy work, but also to make sure patients are getting high-quality care and that they have positive interactions with our clinic, and they never kick a request back to me with "we can't do that," they will always at least ask around to see if someone else knows. I love them. I love them so much I literally sometimes cry about it.

-Our chief referral coordinator is so much fucking fun AND so good at her job. I ask her for things and they just... happen??? She's relentlessly competent and also loves animals and also when I mentioned I need more plants gave me seeds from her double-ruffled hot pink poppies, which I WILL be planting next year.

-Seriously, I love everybody at my new work. It's been 10 months and I feel like a rescue animal, finally starting to creep out of my shell and have a personality, after working at my prior clinic for 4 years (2 in residency) of absolute chronically understaffed passive aggressive toxic workplace hell. Like, I love the providers at my former clinic, I love the support staff, I loved my patients and I loved what I got to do, but there simply weren't enough people and everyone was always being told to do more and more and more with no additional time or resources or compensation, and that was a big part of why I quit--I could see, very transparently, that the administrators didn't give a hot shit about how hard I was working and how I was busting my ass, any time they saw a chance to shaft me out of any benefit, no matter how small, that might save them money.

Life is better this year. I think it's going to be even better next year. I had no idea working in medicine could be this much better. Working in medicine is going to be draining, no matter what you do--but a good, solid, competent administration makes the difference between draining and soul-crushing.

[icanseethefuture333]

How do we manifest improved social life, like being popular in your town or having large groups of friends

"16 missed calls, sorry I was busy but I missed ya 💕"

I know social media and a social life is not the same but I noticed over the past year as I worked on my shadow work and becoming more accepting of myself. People have started giving me more attention on this blog. So therefore, just being yourself really and knowing that you have traits that are lovable is what will make people attracted to you. You can still be a flawed person and be considered likeable.

Also you have to understand having friends and being popular are two different things. Popularity to me is mostly just about receiving attention and it's very superficial, so people would like you at a surface level, not on a deep level. So if that's what you wish then that's fine, but if you want to form connections with people that are healthy and substantial, then you need to think about what you want to get out of your platonic relationships.

"Tryna get with you and yo friends"

I always say birds of a feather flock together. I can be selective about what people I associate myself with because if their behavior is pretty nasty and negative, I don't particularly want to surround myself around that energy. So you need to think about qualities would you want your friends to have? What unhealthy patterns do you keep repeating in your past friendships? Why are you alone currently? Have you've been a good friend as well? What do you truly desire from your social life? Once you written these things down, you can start having a clear idea of how you can attract that desire into your life

Here are some some positive list of traits or things a friendships should have:

Good communication. Misunderstandings and differences in personality can happen, but it is important to be able to mend those differences. If for example, your friend says "hey you like to go out for drinks but I don't like alcohol, could we perhaps do something else?" You'd could do something that makes you both comfortable. Or if a friend were to hurt your feelings, you should be able to talk about that and they can apologize.

Your friend makes sure you're okay in a moment of crisis.

They respect your boundaries when you say "no", don't wish to go out, or want to leave.

You equally both can depend on each other when it's necessary.

"I got your back, you got mine". This is a crucial one and it could apply to anything. For example, it's "girl code" to go to the bathroom together. Most women go to the bathroom together because that is where most abductions and assaults happen. So in order to protect each other they go together. Or even to discuss planning on leaving if someone makes you both uncomfortable.

Some negative traits or things a friendship can have:

Your friend is a closet hater. I notice this is something that's subtle and not as obvious, you have to catch it on time. It's more so like passive aggression and you'd have to be able to get the fake expression and tone of sarcasm. "Oh my god yeah, you sure do love to eat 😃😊🙄" is one way someone could take jabs at you. Don't gaslight yourself when it happens. If you noticed there was a twinge of jealousy or pettiness in their comment. Address it when you feel calm and express how that wasn't okay. If they dismiss it and treat you like you're being dramatic, that person is not being a good friend.

You and your friend behave like "mean girls". Meaning this person just brings out the worse in you and doesn't elevate you as a person. You just act like bitter bitches together.

They steal, lie, cheat, commit crimes, etc. I don't even know how people are friends with people who have no sense of morals just because they did them a favor growing up. It's absurd. You owe nothing to that person and even if that person did something nice for you doesn't mean you have to stay friends.

They're a freeloader or stingy with their money. This is self explanatory. I don't like people who use their friends for money or gifts, its very tacky. Especially if they don't ever do it in return. Unless that person helps you in other ways such as helping you clean your house or helped you get a job. I don't think it's appropriate for them to constantly take money from you. It's just giving sugar daddy/mommy at that point.

Another tip is that if you are someone with a disability (autism for example) you can ask your friends to use tone indicators when texting or if you have trouble with understanding social cues, you can ask them politely what do they mean by that or have a signal you can both use when you are feeling a certain emotion (thumbs down = sad, thumbs up = happy, clenched fist = angry, etc). It will be easier to understand what they are trying to express.

Doing research on body language can also help understand a pattern in people's behavior and who has true intentions or not.

How to use self concept to your advantage.

Let's check your thoughts and see why it could be potentially blocking you from making friends. If you think things like "oh no one likes me", "I'm so weird", or "that person is so cool, they would never hang out with me". Stop it!!! Don't ever in your life put people on a pedestal! Don't even put yourself on the pedestal, that concept is so stupid to me, it just creates a big ego. See this person as your equal. You see qualities in them that you like because they are reflecting a part of your soul that is beautiful as well. You are drawn to one another for a reason. Have the mindset that you attract positive and uplifting friendships easily because you have the same energy as well.

Now if you're a shy person, I know it can be hard to approach people, or feeling comfortable in crowds. You can just always start small. If you have a class with someone that you like or have similar interests with. You can sit next to them and ask them about their day. Eventually things will feel naturally because you are creating a routine with this person and there is a flow going on. Just be patient and understand it takes a while for some people to come around. People can have trouble trusting and need to if you're being genuine with them. So try not to force it if they aren't as warm at first. They're still trying to get to know you and you should do that as well.

Let's use Hello Kitty for example. She is known for being friends with many and loved and adored by all! She is a friendly person and in most shows that she's in, her ability to connect with people is quite effortless. Hello Kitty just be's herself! That's what makes her so special along with her ability to show love through her actions, not just words.

Now think about the term "social life". It's a part of your life where you're socializing, meaning you're letting people take away some or your valuable time. What do you wish to do with your social life? Now there's nothing with partying and it can be fun but there's so much more than going to the club, getting drunk, etc. You can make a vision board of your dream life, the kind of people you wish to meet, and what activities you wish to do with them.

Here a list of hobbies you can do with friends that aren't just about partying or clubbing:

Go to an art museum

Visit a botanical garden

Play tennis together

Take a pilates class

Go to the gym

Have a sleepover

Take a trip to the beach

Start a book club

Go out on a picnic

I hoped this helped, anon. Now go out there and make some friends! 👭

[8bitsupervillain]

Higurashi When They Cry Hou Ch. 7 Minagoroshi pt. 11

Rika and friends have a nice lengthy chat about how they need to force the Children Consultation Service into helping Satoko out of her nasty situation. Rika becomes a lot more passive, because she's seen this scenario play out before and she's become overcome with depression over the fact it's happening again, and she just doesn't see it ending any other way than it usually does. She also becomes a lot more cavalier about mentioning events from other timelines (they eventually settle on calling them worlds) mentioning point blank to Shion that she's surprised she cares so much about Satoko this time around. After school they go off to the Child Consultation Service, where they're more or less given the brush off. It's only been one day since Teppei came back, and surely they're overreacting.

So Keiichi starts forming the plan to gather various townspeople together to help them show up to the CCS and show them how serious the situation is.

Remember, Teppei is a bad guy because he would sexually abuse Satoko if she were a few years older. Kameda is a goofy fun guy because he's a bit of a creepy loli weirdo. Or would Irie be the better contrast here?

You ever read a scene that you can feel it in your bones that if this had been translated even a few years earlier it would be rife with "edgy" jokes? I seem to remember reading somewhere that the MangaGamers version is a re-translation so I don't doubt that there's one that just is peppered with the occasional slur randomly in the dialogue. I would like to point out that to this day the version of Final Fantasy VII you can buy digitally still includes the scene where Tifa uses the r-word. Also, I just want to say this is a really weird tangent for Ryukishi07 to go on in the middle of this arc.

Tower of Druaga and Dragon Buster won't come out for another year Keiichi! You're being nostalgic for games that don't even exist yet you time traveling weirdo! Man, Keiichi is going to be in for the time of his life when the MSX or PC-88 becomes a thing. There's going to be so much pornographic mahjong games out there for him. Assuming he hasn't already seen them since, again, he's a time traveler reminiscing about the arcade games of 1984 he shouldn't have been able to play yet.

Please forgive the repetition for half of the screenshot here. Also, if you're not super loyal to Metal Gear Solid, the answer to the question is both. Although I think you should just grit your teeth and bear the burden of owning a PS3. You'll get some better games. The Yakuza franchise, for a start! Hell if Dead or Alive is really that big of a get for you, just wait, DoA 5 will come out on PS3. Although I guess you're missing out on DoA Xtreme 2. Anyway, I think Ryukishi forgot he wasn't posting on 2ch and accidentally wrote his "kids these days don't appreciate the classics" rant into his murder mystery.

Oh god, would Keiichi be that gamer? You know the type.

I kind of love how everyone's knee-jerk reaction to the Teppei situation is to just go immediately to violence. Except for the "reasonable" adults, everyone's reaction has more or less just been "let's kill the fucker."

Rika is being much more open about her desires to drown her sorrows. I think she might have a problem. (I'm quietly mourning my lack of photo editing software, or drive to edit Rika onto Stone Cold Steve Austin.)

Lighthearted silliness aside now it's time to get back to talking about the Satoko Houjou cruel abuse hour. During a meeting for the festival Keiichi and Ooishi talk about how they plan to go to the Child Consultation Center the next day and make them see their resolve. Ooishi talks about how hey maybe don't, cause it might cause issues if you know what I mean. Keiichi says nuts to that and he's going to do it anyway. He's gonna be the biggest, loudest, most persistently annoying thorn in their side, and no one can stop his manly resolve! Ooishi basically applauds this resolve, and the two have a manly fist bump affirming their manliness across the generational gap.

[windvexer]

Spirit advice anon here, typing on mobile and accidentally hit send too early, whoops. (also this became a lot longer of an ask than I thought Le Whoops)

Okay, so baby witch with 0 experience and I live in an old house that was lovingly built by a man for his family back during the great depression, right? I was feeling really sentimental thinking about that yesterday and comparing it to my own family's (much less wholesome) situation and at one point passively thought that it'd be nice to have a family that close and caring, and thought about maybe one day having a spirit friend that could give me that sort of feeling. Again, this was only passive thoughts - no petition or any action from me beyond that.

Cut to last night, I have a dream of the least-horrible parts of my family, dead grandparents in better shape than they've been since I was a child, an estranged sibling, etc. All living in an old family home my mom and uncle had no choice but to sell. I've dreamed of family before, but it's always been a pretty bad one involving members I don't like. This one was really nice though. However, there was someone else in my dream that I thought was an IRL friend from work, who had, let's just say a very *strong* pressence.

When I woke up, still pretty groggy, I turned over in bed and immediately heard (in my head) friend from work, who still feels nearby, call me from behind me. When I try to lift my head, I have the very first episode of sleep paralysis on my life. Again, I had moved my body moments before this, so extra weird. I feel like something's about to happen, but I'm able to break out super quickly. It's about this time that I think to myself "wait a minute, work friend isn't an incorporeal being that can suddenly appear in my room" and start getting weirded out.

Now, while this experience felt 100% different than any weird dreams that I've had before, I still wasn't convinced it wasn't all in my head, so I pulled a couple of tarot cards.

"Did a spirit visit me last night?": 3 of Cups, celebrating your feelings or connections with others

"Okay... what were their intentions?": The Moon, enjoying healthy fantasies and daydreams, practicing magic, embracing the unknown

I'm still not great with tarot, but that all seems pretty clear cut to me.

I understand that I should give them an offering to thank them for reaching out with the nice dream, and probably ask them to not do the sleep paralysis thing again because I did *not* enjoy that. Beyond that, because I was barely ready to start practicing magic at all, let alone with spirits, I feel rather unprepared. Any additional advice you can give me with this information is appreciated.

Hi, Anon. Sorry for the late reply.

This is the only ask I got from you so if you sent a different one, I didn't receive it.

Okay, so baby witch with 0 experience

Welcome

I was feeling really sentimental thinking about [...] Again, this was only passive thoughts - no petition or any action from me beyond that.

You didn't ask, but I'm sure you're aware that petitions or actions aren't required to call to spirits. An earnest desire is often enough to spark action from nearby spirits who are waiting at the veil with bated breath.

Cut to last night, I have a dream of the least-horrible parts of my family, [...]However, there was someone else in my dream that I thought was an IRL friend from work, who had, let's just say a very *strong* pressence.

It may be worthy of consideration that this spirit in the guise of your work friend is not one of your ancestors. I've had spirits (one very important one, actually) show up for me when I started ancestor work, because that was the first time he was able to reach me.

When I woke up, still pretty groggy, I turned over in bed and immediately heard (in my head) friend from work, who still feels nearby, call me from behind me.

Spooky.

I understand that I should give them an offering to thank them for reaching out with the nice dream, and probably ask them to not do the sleep paralysis thing again because I did *not* enjoy that.

If a spirit gave me sleep paralysis, I'm not sure I'd give them an offering.

Beyond that, because I was barely ready to start practicing magic at all, let alone with spirits, I feel rather unprepared. Any additional advice you can give me with this information is appreciated.

Your experience felt like it came on a little strong. It's unusual for people to be thwacked by spirits like that out of the blue. This isn't to say I doubt the veracity of your story, but rather that you might want to consider that you're not dealing with some random household spirit.

If you don't want to talk to or interact with the spirit at this time, you don't have to. If you want to work with spirits at this time, it should be an active choice - not something you fall into by happenstance (or let yourself be pressured into because you don't want to feel mean for not wanting to talk to a spirit who initiated contact).

I highly recommend working wards to protect you during your sleep, and protecting your bedroom/sleeping space as a whole.

When next performing divination, enchant your tools to constrain them to tell the truth (or to prevent the spirit from showing untrue answers).

A person who wants to jump into spirit work with heavy-handed spirits will likely not regret, and might someday be very grateful for, preparing a very stern protective amulet ahead of time to prevent spirits from reaching them. Once enchanted, such an amulet can be kept out of the way until needed.