#I think the only person I actually trust bad around is foolish

[the-crimson]

I’m so obsessed with Bad’s fucked up relationship with Ron and how he talks about/to him depending on the circumstances. I’ll try to organize my thoughts and theories about it all.

Bad said that Ron is a member of the family but it felt to me like saying ur pet is part of the family. Bad cares for Ron because Bad is lonely and broken and needs something, anything to latch onto but that doesn’t mean Bad respects Ron or sees him as anything other than a piece of his plan.

Bad is putting on a performance every time he talks to someone and the mask he wears is different depending on who he’s talking to and what he hopes to gain from the interaction.

When we first saw Bad interact with Ron, he was a tiger pacing the bars of his cage licking his chops at the meat just out of reach. After torturing Ron and getting a present from Forever, he completely flipped the script and became sugary sweet. Giving Ron a bigger and more furnished cell. Bringing him brownies and ice cream and a kitchen full of food. Giving him a fish. But the way Bad speaks and moves when interacting with him is fascinating.

I want to start way back in the beginning and examine what I think Bad’s plan with Ron was. Bad spent a week psychologically torturing Ron before letting a soul vulture tear him to shreds. Then Bad seemingly changes his entire plan on a dime but I think that was the plan the whole time. Break Ron physically and mentally then drown him in gifts and force this weird family dynamic onto him to warp his perception of the situation. Make it so Ron will want to give Bad what he wants because Ron knows the alternative and is afraid of breaking the fantasy Bad has created.

Bad will act with a saccharine sweetness and almost pathetic desperation to make Ron happy and comfortable one moment then come down to the basement with a mania and malicious grin to talk about his day. He’ll bring a much more morally sound friend to meet Ron and spend the entire interaction watching them like a vulture eyeing a sickly animal. He says they are like family but answers Baghera’s questions for him and treats him less like a person and more like a beast of burden. Important and valuable because of what Ron offers him (information and emotional attachment) but less important than the bigger picture.

Every time Bad leaves the basement or a social interaction, when he isn’t performing, he is just silent and moves with slow but methodical purpose. I do think he is attached to Ron but not nearly as much as he says in front of Ron or to Baghera. He wants Baghera to think he’s attached so she’ll work with Bad easier. We know Bad is manipulating Baghera and Forever and I think Bad’s attachment to Ron is part of his manipulation of Baghera.

Ron has given Bad pretty much everything he can and has become a liability so Bad needs to get rid of him. That’s where Baghera comes in. Ron sees Bad as sad and pathetic and broken which has allowed him to forgive Bad and will make him accept going with Baghera to live freely somewhere away from the federation. Baghera sees Bad’s attachment to Ron and it makes Bad look sad and pathetic and lost. He made a mistake and he needs Baghera to help him fix it.

Meanwhile we the audience know Bad fully intends on kidnapping Fred and is actively immolating many of his relationships. He doesn’t want to fix this “mistake” he wants to dump Ron into her care because he knows she’s a better person than him and she’ll take care of and protect Ron.

Idk I might be way off course here but that how I’ve interpreted the situation so far XD todays stream might change my mind but this is where I’m at now lol maybe bbh really is just this pathetic and broken but his other actions haven’t convinced me of that yet

[gabessquishytum]

Ballerinos paired together for romantic dance who initially can't stand each other.

Hob and Dream both found their way to a nontraditional ballet company - Hob didn’t really have the "body type" for your traditional ballet companies, he was very good but spent too many years in the chorus; Dream was also very good, had a rightfully reputation as a diva, but got injured by bad direction from Burgess, that was ultimately blamed on Dream. Dream has healed from his injury, but companies weren't interested in hiring him.

So they both need a chance and this "experimental" dance company might be the answer.

Their new company pairs them in a romantic pas de deux, but they are having the hardest time looking romantic with each other.

When they first met, Hob and Dream just rubbed each other the wrong way - it could have been a personalities clash, it could have been a seniority thing,,,,, it could have been the (unresolved) sexual tension. Whatever it was, it was making them clumsy and tentative with each other - who would ever think experienced dancers would be shy about putting hands on another for lifts. They could actually hurt each other if this keeps up.

So they are sent off for a weekend together to work it out!

Ooo I love this,,, the absolute tension and sexiness,,,

Hob is generally the kind of guy who can be very much trusted with lifts, throwing his fellow dancers around... even in the warm ups before rehearsals, all the young male dancers are practically begging him to please please please do an angel lift with them? They might never have the chance to be lifted again 🥺🥺 and of course Hob obliges.

Dream finds all of this very foolish. He's just waiting for the day when Hob acquires an unnecessary injury from messing around. His vibes when he's around Hob are full of disdain, and he makes Hob lose his confidence! His holds are terrible, his hands slip. Dream isn't helping at all. He seems to forget what he's doing half way through a movement. But the irony of it all is that they look amazing together.

So off they go to a small hotel in the country which doubles as one of those meditation retreats. And Dream spends the whole of the first day being a diva and ordering Hob around, until Hob finally snaps.

He says that Dream isn't the principle dancer and he needs to stop acting like it, that Hob is just as good as Dream if not better, it's just that Dream had the luck to be born pretty, and that if he doesn't wind his neck in then Hob is going to go and find a partner who doesn't make him feel like shit.

And after a blazing row, its inevitable: they fall into each other's arms, and fuck all over the hotel room. Dream graciously allows Hob to top in what feels like a metaphor for him relinquishing control - so Hob takes it very seriously and makes sure that Dream feels safe and has his mind completely blown.

When they both get back to rehearsals, they dance together beautifully and with such confidence, the rest of the company can't quite believe it. Hob is confident, Dream is trusting, their duet is everything is should be.

The only problem now is that they wont stop making out in the dressing rooms, but hey. Nobody's perfect!

[ai-the-broccoli]

if I had a nickel every time an episode in Ace Attorney involves a murder orchestrated by a pair of partners-in-crime where:

the one who wanted the victim dead and who's calling the shots is the yang-esque partner, an orange/red-coloured and explicitly cat-coded villain antagonist man with a misleadingly nice title/nickname/slogan ("tender"; "refreshing" etc) that doesn't suit his real nature + a bright conspicuous motorbike that is currently out of use, whose main thing is acting i.e. playing different characters & roles, and is able to fool many around him with his act, who is the primary antagonist or "real" bad guy in the episode narratively and,

the one who was enlisted by the cat-coded biker to help with the murder is the yin-esque partner, a black/white-coloured character with an ostentatious visible sign of past injury on their head and an eerie aura designated to invoke fear & creepiness from the moment they appear on screen, who consistently makes it sound as if they might kill you or someone else any second when they speak, but is ultimately treated as less antagonistic/more sympathetic than cat biker by the narrative.

and

cat biker stars as the leading role of their murderous two-man act, while the scary accomplice plays a supporting role in the background costumed in the uniform of the service job (e.g. maid, butler, waitress, bellboy) they're disguising themselves in.

despite serving the cat biker, scary accomplice is actually far more powerful in reality and both of them know it. scary accomplice's last name is infamously powerful in the criminal underworld and strikes terror into people's hearts; when brought up to the law enforcement for the first time, the player is told that other outlaws fear them and the police can't reach them.

cat biker acts tough and intimidating with the rogue face he puts on but he's actually a coward absolutely terrified of scary accomplice's actual power, because he knows the only reason they hasn't got him dead yet is that he is still on the accomplice's good side and they trust him.

and

the duo carries out the murder according to cat biker's wish but they're unsatisfied without making sure biker never gets convicted, so they decide to take a step further and mess with the lawyering as well. so they target phoenix wright personally, which eventually becomes their undoing because it just pushes him to find out the truth even more.

moreover, phoenix hates betrayal personally, and during his search he finds out that cat biker has been deceiving scary accomplice all along, despite scary accomplice's strong devotion to and forceful dedication to trusting cat biker. cat biker also even expresses his contempt toward them for this foolish trust behind them

phoenix breaks the truth about this betrayal to scary accomplice but couldn't get through until he provides evidence with the correct explanation, because accomplice has wanted to trust cat biker. after phoenix gets the truth through, scary accomplice completely turns against cat biker and wants him punished, which eventually helps phoenix gets him convicted and jailed with the help of unconventional methods

...I would have two nickels, which isn't a lot, but,

did you know that AA2: Justice for All was originally going to have 5 episodes, and Recipe for Turnabout was supposed to be 2-4 while Farewell, My Turnabout was originally meant to be 2-5, before they ran out of space and switched Recipe for Turnabout out for AA3 instead?

which means if it went as planned, Recipe for Turnabout would've been right before Farewell, My Turnabout. I wonder if that means this parallel could actually have been not completely unintentional?

anyway it's hilarious to me to think that Farewell, My Turnabout (the Engarde & De Killer case) would've been exactly one case after Recipe for Turnabout (the Tigre & Viola case) and exactly one case before the Dahlia & Phoenix case (Dahlia is a villain tied to the theme of deceit + comparable to Matt, while Phoenix is all about trust and trusting your clients + foils Shelly). fellas is it gay to strongly parallel not one, but multiple doomed godawful dysfunctional canonical m/f romances thematically

[lionheartedmusings]

finally got around to putting this into words so here is my submission to the q!bad newsletter titled "q!bad is a good person but a bad human".

arcs like the one q!bad is on are naturally polarising and bring out a lot of strong emotions from views which is amazing, but i think a lot of people are missing the forest for the trees here -- more specifically, who we saw q!bad be for almost six months every day (who we still see him be now).

q!bad is a fundamentally good person by all accounts -- yes, he's a mischievous gremlin, but he's insurmountably generous, selfless in the way he gives without ever expecting anything in return, is dependable at every single turn. even in his lowest moments, he didn't turn his back on that dependability to his own detriment -- he prioritised everyone above himself, not just the eggs but also the other islanders.

q!bad is also... kind. not nice, i actually wouldn't call him nice per se, but he's kind, and loving, and gentle if you know how to read his actions -- just because his lovingness is at times odd to read, it doesn't mean it isn't there.

now, everything i've pointed out so far is not only factually true but also just a spot on indication of what makes a good person, right? well... yes, and no.

by human standards he's not a good person. he lies, cheats, is deceitful and cunning at every turn, is a gaslighter and a manipulator, and his moral compass ends when his emotional attachment does -- he won't hesitate to put his friends through tests and trials that he knows hurt them just to reach a goal, even if it's an ultimate "greater good" type goal.

luckily for q!bad, the man isn't fucking human and so the lense through which we see his character need to be adjusted not only to accommodate his life experience (as we would any character) but also the fact that he's just... not human, he can play pretend and he certainly has spent enough time around humans, but nature vs nurture only goes so far and he was a grown ass adult when he sunk atlantis.

it's honestly just painfully obvious that for better or for worse, q!bad doesn't function like humans do, and i think the best indicator of that is how he views interpersonal relationships, connections, love and trust.

for us, love and trust are intrinsically connected and ultimately need to be present for us to form attachments -- if we don't trust someone, we might get along with them at a superficial level but we won't engage further, right? q!bad sees those two as fundamentally separate parts of relationships -- you cannot argue he doesn't love his friends, or all the eggs, but does he trust everyone? no. because q!bad is very much capable of loving you without trusting you, because his default is distrust. while most of us start a connection with existing trust that can then be broken, he starts them with no trust that needs to be earned.

he doesn't see what's wrong about his friendship with q!foolish, he doesn't see the issue with having been sightseeing at the salem witch trials, pompeii is "the reason he doesn't do beach vacations" and not... yeno, a massive historical tragedy. for q!bad, all of these things are normal because he's a millennia old demon who fundamentally lacks the grasp on some pretty basic human concepts despite his time here (i.e. his whole conversation with q!baghera about lines and mortality).

my point being, q!bad is not a good human, he never claimed to be (on the contrary) and his recent actions show that very well...

... but he *is* a fundamentally good person, without question.

as long as you view the cubito through the lense of our own morality, you'll be depriving yourself of some pretty awesome insights into his character and also just not giving him a fair shake!

he's a terror! he's wiped out civilizations! he's eaten people! he is terrifying and bloody and dark! he's also just a little guy who makes care packages and watches kids and won't turn away anyone in need! all of this is him and for a fair analysis you need to consider the entirety of him for better and for worse!

[redemn]

i've already spoken a bit about arthur's view towards compliments and how he is someone who will not often believe them ,   because he doesn't truly believe he deserves them .   i'm having more thoughts about it as i discuss this with certain people at length ,   so i want to talk about it a little bit .

on strangers complimenting arthur .   he is not affected at all by compliments from strangers ,   meaning he does not believe them or believe that they hold any weight    especially when the stranger does not know who he really is as a person or what he's done .   he believes he's a bad man ,   will continue to be a bad man for the rest of his life ,   and that how strangers view him isn't going to change that .   like whatever fate is bearing down on him will shrug it away ,   just like how he's doing .   these compliments ,   he tends to respond to by either unenthusiastically thanking the other person ,   or just plain saying they're wrong ,   depending on the social situation .

on acquaintances complimenting arthur .   compliments from these people do tend to mean just a little bit to arthur .   these are mostly people who have already met him once or twice ,   who have seen him do things for them or have spent some time around him ,   which ,   to arthur ,   means that they understand him just a little .   not to know him a significant amount ,   but just enough that he knows they are trying to mean good by him .   he acknowledges that ,   will thank them while also shaking his head because he does not agree with what they're saying .   but they are being kind to him ,   and that means something to him .

on close friends and loved ones complimenting arthur .   these are the ones he tends to take the most seriously .   it already takes quite a bit for arthur to consider anyone a loved one in the first place ,   so this means those people have been close to him for months or years already and so know his actions ,   his personality ,   etc .   compliments from these people will strike him in the heart .   he still responds by trying to push the compliment aside ,   but it's not with any great effort ,   since he's aware that these people actually do mean what they say ,   even if he possesses a degree of dissociation from what they think of him and what he thinks of himself .   it's still difficult to get past ,   but easier to chip through .

on a significant other complimenting arthur .   this is only a category on its own because if someone reaches this point ,   he won't doubt them at all .   he still carries his own self doubt that ,   but he's not a foolish man .   anyone who kisses him and holds his hand and sees him naked and sleeps with him is someone he fully believes means what they say to him .   that's it ,   that's all i have to say .   he loves them ,   trusts them .   might tease that they're greatly deceived ,   but isn't really convinced by that either .   greatly corresponds with his partner bringing him happiness .   actual serotonin induced .

and it's not like these are strict tiers that people can only ever be put in . people blend in his mind , and it just depends what mood arthur is in . it's just that these tend to happen the most with the type of relationship he has with someone .

[nobodysdaydreams]

🚀

Oh boy oh boy a Wolf359 fic snippet ask!

I do have to warn you anon, this next fic is gonna take a long time to write. The words keep on coming, and it might be months before I have the time to really write it out. But I do have the introduction. It's quite long, but I think you, and even some of my non-Wolf359 mutuals might enjoy it:

What would you do if you woke up with amnesia and were told that in a previous life, not so long ago, you were one of the worst people who’d ever lived? Not just criminal bad, but “evil dictator major unspeakable human rights violations” bad?

You’d say sorry, of course. What else is there to say but sorry? You don’t remember what led you to that and you can’t exactly argue with the people around you or object that what they say is untrue, because after all, you don’t remember anything, it’s not like you can prove them wrong when faced with the evidence. Tapes and recordings of a person who sounds like you, looks like you, and you know must be you, but who is also the most awful, heartless, horrifying individual your imagination could ever picture.

What do you do when faced with something like that, but with no way to deny it, no way to know why you were like this, and no knowledge or idea of what to do next?

You do what so many people with cognitive difficulties, memory loss, and impaired abilities do when they find themselves unable to live without the assistance of others. You acquiesce. You do whatever others they tell you to do, and you agree and accept whatever information they give you, like a dependent child who still has no idea how the world works and relies on adults to explain things to them. Obedience, submission, and compliance, for as dangerous as they are, can be a surprisingly effective survival strategy, especially when you have limited abilities and information. It’s actually a fairly common survival strategy that most humans use, to some extent, every day, whether they wish to acknowledge it or not. You trust that experts give you the correct information on subjects you are unfamiliar with, you trust translators to give you an accurate translation of words in languages you don’t understand, and you trust that those you depend on would not lead you astray. After all, the lure of complete control and independence, as tempting as it is, fails when one is forced to consider their own limitations and the fact that they can accomplish much more when through mutual reliance on others than they can by themselves, despite the risk of being used.

But in this particular thought experiment, the people you acquiesce to are not family, friends, or even trusted coworkers or qualified professionals. They are your self-declared enemies, who readily admit to having hated you for what you did to them, who have set up a situation in which you find yourself completely dependent on them due to your complete lack of memory, and also entirely in their debt for their forgiveness of who you were. Trusting what they tell you seems foolish. Why would they be so forgiving if you’d really hurt them and those they loved as much as they claim you did? Surely something must be awry. But your compliance is still what you need to survive, and so you do comply, and it works, or at least, it gets you to a certain point. A point of survival, acceptance, comfort, and as the years go on, perhaps even little moments of joy and friendship, or at least, as much friendship and goodwill as can be expected under the circumstances. But in the back of your mind, you always question their intentions. Whether you can really trust the self-proclaimed benevolent strangers who have taken charge of you, a heartless monster, and given you new life or rather, from your perspective, your only life.

[isalisewrites]

SUMMARY:

Tom Riddle wanted one thing and one thing only: to get his hands on the Hufflepuff Cup and the Slytherin Locket. His soul deserved only the best of vessels. Unfortunately, that awful woman gave the founder’s artifacts to a mere magizoologist. How laughable. Newt Scamander was socially awkward, better suited for the animals - a man who could barely look Tom in the eyes and who blushed at the simplest of compliments.

Seducing this Hufflepuff for those artifacts was going to be easy.

Or was he?

Newt. Handsome, rugged, and built to tame his magical creatures. This was a man with secrets. How foolish to trust the outward appearance, for one never knew what beasts lurked beneath the surface. After all… What honey badger doesn’t enjoy a wily snake for a meal?

---

CHAPTER THREE EXCERPT:

Newt looked at him. Tom looked back expectedly.

How do I let him down gently…

“I’m, uh—” Newt’s voice cracked in his throat, the words stuck. “I, uh, well, you see—I don’t think it wise—”

“Wise?”

There were only screams in Newt’s head now. He’d never come across such a persistent person like Tom, not ever before. No one ever took this much interest in him. He was suspicious and flattered and, dear Merlin, he had no idea how to deal with this or how to reply or what choice he should make. What to do? What to do? Try to let him down easy, that’s it. Tom’s company was welcomed, but logistically it couldn’t be done. Simple.

“I suppose…” Newt swallowed. “I suppose company wouldn't be a bad thing, per se…”

Wait, no—That wasn’t what I meant to say!

Tom lit up like the sun at noonday. “Splendid!”

More screams echoed inside Newt’s head. He only smiled in return. He started off again down the sidewalk with Tom now at his side.

“Are you really sure you want to stick around?” asked Newt, hoping to discourage him. “We’ll be traveling the muggle way and it’ll be weeks before we reach our final destination. I hope you didn’t pack too lightly.”

“Weeks? Your final destination isn’t New York, then?” asked Tom, head tilting curiously.

“No, actually, I’m headed to Arizona,” said Newt. “I may have… left that out before.”

“I understand,” said Tom and, thankfully, he didn’t sound hurt. “We’re nearly strangers who shared only a single date with each other.” Newt flushed at the thought. “But why on earth would you travel by muggle means when you could get there so much faster in plenty of other ways?”

“Erm.” Newt averted his gaze. “Let’s just say that the less you know, the less chance you have of incriminating yourself.”

“Oh?” drawled Tom and when Newt chanced a glance up, he saw Tom’s dark eyes light up with mischief and mirth. “Why, Mr. Scamander, I never would’ve pegged you for a rule breaker.”

“It’s… necessary rule breaking,” said Newt in a quiet voice. “No one is getting harmed as long as—”

The clasp on his case popped open.

“Should it be doing that?” asked Tom, narrowing his eyes at the case.

Newt snapped it shut. “It’s fine.”

It snapped back open again.

A slow smile spread across Tom’s face and he drew closer to Newt. “What’s in the case… Newt?”

His eyes…

Newt swallowed, taking a step back. “Nothing.”

“Certainly appears to be something.”

Merlin, this was a problem—this man was a problem.

Tom had followed him, was asking questions, and was looking far too handsome for Newt’s own good. He’d had partners chase him before, but nothing like this. They always lost interest much sooner than this. It was wonderful and terrifying at the same time. He wasn’t sure what to do any more.

Do I even want to turn him away any more?

His hands tightened on the handle of his case. Newt stared at Tom for a good long moment, his mind whirling with too many thoughts and not enough. He inhaled once, looking at those dark eyes that drew him in.

Oh, no…

Maybe I don’t want to turn him away—

As that thought crossed his mind, both clasps on his case snapped at the same time, the case dropping open in one swift motion. Newt cursed softly, just as the niffler raced out; a second later, one of the occamy newborns escaped, too.

“Wait!” cried Newt, trying to shut the case. Dougal popped out before Newt could get it closed, running after the occamy and shimmering out of sight.

Tom blinked.

The case slammed shut, the clasps locking.

“Shit!”

[dazais-guardian-angel]

alright I've thought about it for a while, and I'm fairly confident that is in fact Bram, and that Aya isn't hallucinating/seeing an illusion.

The biggest thing casting doubt, aside from the obvious different outfit, is the fact that the chapter ends on this reveal, suggesting it could be a cliffhanger bait. However, BSD's cliffhangers always involve something terrible happening that gets rectified in the next chapter(s), to scare us before giving us back hope; there's never been a case of the other way around, where something good happens to get our hopes up, only to have the rug pulled out from us at the start of next chapter to show that we were foolish for hoping. Asagiri is never that cruel. He loves his death baits and his dangerous situation baits before letting us know that everything is okay, and he'd never suggest that it was wrong for the audience or the characters to have hope, when BSD is quite literally about having hope even in the most absurd situations.

But more specifically, just.... what would a fakeout like this accomplish? The only way I could maybe see it was if this is Fyodor, and we think Aya is safe but she's actually not, but there's no way it's him, because we see him with the singularity and Kunikida/Tanizaki at the same time as this, he's wearing Bram's outfit and not the one this person has, and we've established that he wants to protect Aya, not hurt her. Granted, he obviously doesn't care enough about protecting her since he let her escape and get hurt all on her own lmao, so that's exactly why I ask what would be the point of him suddenly showing up just to save her from the rubble, only to then just hurt her anyway? None of that is logical.

And then, if it's Akutagawa, then that means we had our emotions played with for a twist that is just.... mildly disappointing but also not outright bad for the characters? Disappointing because Bram isn't back after all, but also not a net negative because Aya is still being rescued by someone we know and trust. If that were to happen, Aya hallucinating Aku as Bram, I just can't see it happening as a chapter cliffhanger fakeout at all; it would just feel cheap and cruel, playing with our feelings (not to mention Aya's feelings!) regarding a character we want to come back, for a reveal that isn't really worth it and doesn't change the status quo (because she's still safe regardless if it's Bram or Aku).

Aside from the lack of narrative justification, I also believe that if Aya were to hallucinate Bram, she would see him exactly as she knew him back when he regained his body — I mean, she basically does see him like that when she's remembering his last moments with her in this chapter and in the previous one when she's yelling at Fyodor; sure they're just repeated panels as flashbacks, but they're still her memories of how she sees him. I was unsure for a while about the figure's identity, but it was seeing it pointed out that Bram no longer has his nails that was really the final nail in the coffin haha get it, it's a multilayered joke, please laugh- for me: why would Aya hallucinate Bram not only not in his own outfit, but with his body altered from how she knows it? There'd be no reason why she would, and no way she could. She's never seen him in a different outfit, with different nails. Note that every other instance we've gotten of characters hallucinating significant figures in their lives (Atsushi, Mushitarou, Dazai), they're always wearing the clothes they're most known for and what the person knows them to wear. There's no reason to assume this would be different for Aya, and that she'd imagine him wearing a completely random outfit from the one she associates with him, and randomly without his signature long black nails.

This closeup panel of Bram's collar right when he first begins speaking pretty much proves my point. It's inconsistent with the new outfit (Aku's outfit) we see him wearing on the last page, but with the framing of this, with him being entirely in shadow in the rightmost panel when he first appears, it's clear to me that Aya can't see him clearly yet, so she's imagining him the way she remembers him. And then he gets closer/lifts the beam higher so that the shadow starts receding from him, and his feet and hands and different outfit become visible. The tone of this moment and the way it plays out is exactly as I've seen in numerous other visual media, where a character thinks they're on the brink of death and has lost all hope and is ready to accept it, before the slow, grand reveal of the person they thought they'd lost rescuing them, often with them posing a philosophical question to challenge their current despair or their belief that their loved one couldn't possibly still be alive, just as Bram does here. If you've seen enough movies and TV, you can probably imagine exactly the kind of scene I mean, and exactly how this moment would play out if it were animated I say "would" because it's never a given that Bones will adapt it with the right tone like I imagine.

This is framed as a triumphant, hopeful scene, of a knight coming to rescue his princess after he was thought to be dead. Aya has hurt her leg here, she's trapped, she's realizing she's about to die, and she's at last fully convinced herself that everything she so staunchly believed in was wrong and that everything she fought for all that time was for nothing; firstly, why would she suddenly hallucinate Bram if she had already lost all hope, but most importantly, why would the narrative have Bram defy death and return to her and challenge the idea that all her ideals and actions were meaningless, only for it to turn out that it isn't really him, when she misses him so bad? That just.... wouldn't be right at all, that's not the feeling this scene gives at all. This is their moment, Bram has to be the one to say these things to Aya with their history together, not anyone else, and I can't imagine Akutagawa saying something like what Bram says to her here, about royalty carrying out their pledge to protect someone without fail, even if he has inherited Bram's protectiveness towards Aya like Fyodor has. No, I'm 90% certain that is indeed Bram. It can't possibly be anyone else.

...And so, all that to say that yeah, I believe that Bram has Fyodor'd himself into Akutagawa's body, since he's wearing his outfit. We don't really know the extent of Bram's powers, but it's looking likely that he can bodysnatch any of his vampires for himself if something ever happens to him, or perhaps Aku might be special since he was the first vampire Bram created at the start of all this. Needless to say I'm not at all worried about Aku though; this is probably the beginning of why he ends up with that suit of armor later on, since Bram has his clothes... I just have no idea how we get to that point. But Aku will be fine, I'm sure; this may even be the only way he can come back from being a vampire.

[lindisworld]

Close || Matt Murdock x Reader

Summary - Soulmate Au! In which [Name] has Daredevil as a soulmate and Matt unwillingly wants [Name] in his life. However Fate does its job and always brings them together.

Chapter three.

Daredevil stood outside [Name]’s window, his fingers gently knocking the glass, hoping she’d come. He returned to get something that rightfully belonged to him, his baton. This particular object served as one of his strongest defensive weapons. Although Daredevil possessed an extraordinary ability to utilize any available item to his advantage, there was an underlying comfort and confidence that came with wielding his trusted baton.

A couple seconds pass, a familiar person opens the window. The cold air making way through the opened glass and into her apartment. sending small shivers down [Name]’s spine. 

“I was anticipating the day you’d show up again,” [Name] says, moving out of the way so Matt could slide in, “I got a gift for you, actually.” She smiles and walks towards her room, retrieving the so called gift. 

“Oh? I didn’t know we had to bring gifts. I would’ve brought something.” Matt says, his head tilting to the side slightly with a grin on his face. He focused on her heartbeat, getting himself familiarized with it, something he couldn’t help but enjoy doing. It was a comforting feeling, just listening to one thing instead of millions of others. 

“Maybe, next time Devil man.” She shouts from her bedroom. He listens to her shuffle things around, looking for his baton. Matt cursed himself earlier for being so reckless and leaving his weapon behind at [Name]’s apartment. This definitely wasn’t him keeping his distance.  It’s honestly not his fault he got shot and landed on her apartment. Even if it’s just for a moment he could experience with her without [Name] knowing who he is to her, he’ll take it. 

“It took awhile to find which is my fault, but I think you’ll love it!” [Name] says with enthusiasm, placing the baton into his hand. “Probably something you’d find helpful.” 

“It’s not really a gift if it belongs to me,” Matt replies, earning a disappointed sigh from [Name]. “Cmon Devil man, just go along with it.” she responds.

”You seem chattier than the first time we met,” Matt told her, it was kind of understandable considering the state he was in when she met him as Daredevil and not Matt. “You were all banged up pretty bad, I thought you were going to die on my couch from a head injury.” She spoked, nervousness peaking through her tone. 

“I appreciate what you did,” He replied, “I can’t be exposing you to any danger if you had removed my mask.” He added truthfully. 

“Well I’m not a nurse but I know how to clean and stitch wounds if you happen to injure yourself around here,” [Name] voiced to Daredevil, her eyes glanced around his suit. She seen the details on the suit that she had missed from the other night. His eyes felt like they were piercing through her. 

“What made you learn?” He asked in tone that sounded concerned that only be heard if you paid closed attention. [Name] missed it and let out a nervous laugh, “My soulmate. They seem to be a little reckless and get themselves hurt quite often. I got use to it over the years.” She uttered. 

“Oh.”  Was all he said. 

“Yeah.” 

“Did you ever think to end the soul tie? Considering all the hurt he put you through.” A question he wasn’t prepared to be answered by her. It was obvious what her answer would be, he felt foolish for even asking. Why is he suddenly caring about her answer? Matt thought about his soulmate many times throughout his life, wondering when she’s gonna appear in his life. Whether she’ll accept him as Daredevil or if she’d want to end the soul tie. For a moment, he thought Elektra was his soulmate in college, but that wasn’t the case. 

Matt figured she’d attempted to end the soul tie because who would want a vigilante? 

“No, but my best friend, Marci. She’s getting worried especially with the recent incident I had,” Her fingers played with the hem of her shirt, recalling the events. “Losing my hearing was an awful experience,” she mumbled. 

Matt felt guilt about what happened, he had no idea just how deep the bond between their souls had become, and this realization sent waves of unease coursing through him. “Thank you for taking care of me that night, I gotta go.” He said, making his way towards the window, without looking back he hops out into the night. 

“Bye Devil man.”

“I’m so glad we’re able to have our girl’s night.” Karen says with a smile on her face, a glass in her hand filled with scotch. [Name] nods in agreement, “I’m sure you’ve been busy with work, I can’t imagine being part of the lawyer work.” She responds. 

“It’s so exhausting at times, but I just want the truth and justice for the clients. I’m doing my best.” 

“I’m sure you’re doing a fantastic job on getting the truth. I can always give you free coffee and desserts whenever needed. Just come by my cafe.” [Name] says.

Karen pulls [Name] into a hug and thanks her. These past few weeks have been tough especially with trying to figure out the Punisher and the big deal with Reyes. It felt like she hasn’t been able to sit and relax without constantly being on the move for new evidence. 

It was nice of [Name] to call Karen over to her place to hangout, possibly a sleepover if they happen to get wasted. 

“You don’t know how much that means to me, so much has been going on with The Punisher. I know talking about it isn’t ideal girl talk,” Karen laughs nervously and tucks a hair behind her ear. 

“Don’t worry, I don’t mind at all. If it helps you destress, vent away.” [Name] says. 

“Oh, no. I definitely need a break from talking about it.” Karen says, pouring more scotch into her cup. “It’s the only thing that’s been on my mind for while. It’ll be a nice change for a day.”

”Well hopefully what I tell you next distracts you for a while, I met Daredevil personally a few days ago. Like i’ve heard about him before but for me to actually see him in person is insane. It was so surreal.” [Name] sucks in a breath. “He was banged up pretty bad on my rooftop. I went up to check it out and I found him there.” 

“That’s…wow. You carried him to your apartment?” Karen asks, receiving a nod from [Name]. “I had no choice, something in my gut was telling me to grab him. It was really an intense feeling. It was suffocating me.” [Name] explains, recalling the events that happened a couple of days ago. 

“You honestly might’ve saved him, [Name]. Did you ever unmask him and see his true identity?” Karen questioned. Karen witnessed Daredevil firsthand too, something that she always remembered. 

“No, I tried to see his injury under his mask. He grabbed my hand and refused. Thinking about it now, do you think Daredevil would have a soulmate?” 

“I mean everybody has a soulmate, the only exception is if you end the soul tie or the person passes. There’s a high probability of Daredevil having a soulmate.” Karen said. 

“Lord, have mercy on his soulmate. That must be the toughest thing for them.” [Name] mumbles, finishing her alcoholic drink and setting it down.  Karen poured more in [Name]’s cup then adds more to hers as well. 

“Now imagine if you were Captain America’s soulmate. See I wouldn’t mind getting bruised up for him. That’s America’s ass right there that could be mine.” She jokes. Karen laughs and agrees. 

“Let’s talk about being Thor’s soulmate. Having a God for a soulmate sounds too good to be true. I wouldn’t mind living on another planet.” Karen giggles, “It’d be an amazing life with Thor.” 

The two women continued for a few hours about potentially being paired with an Avenger as a soulmate and how mind blowing and exhilarating that would be. Later, [Name] strongly urged Karen to stay over, knowing just how many drinks Karen had consumed, [Name] didn't want to risk the blonde's well-being by letting her walk out into any possible danger.

”We could always watch romcoms till we fall asleep or stay up until the morning, i’ll grab you a pair of pajamas and a shirt.” [Name] grinned and turned on her tv, putting whatever romcom that was being aired currently. She stands up as she stumbles into her bedroom.

“Fine, only cause it’s really late.” Karen says with a giggle. Momentarily, [Name] comes back with clothes and hands it to her. “The bathroom is down the hall to your left. First door.” [Name] replies.

”Thank you for today, I really appreciate it,” Karen’s words slur as she gave [Name] a half drunken hug before heading to the bathroom. In the meantime, a few taps was heard through the window. The same thing that happened earlier before Karen arrived to her apartment. 

“Devil man,” [Name] mutters as she walks towards the window, stumbling a bit as she went. She unlocks the window and lifts it up. “Are you checking up on me?” Her eyebrows furrows, her vision becoming blurred the longer she looks at him. 

“Yes,” He answered truthfully, “I was passing by and you’re the only apartment that has their lights on at 3 in the morning.” Matt didn’t understand why’d he check up on her, he knew she had company over and she had been drinking too. It was a fancy scotch, he tasted it on her lips as she spoke to him and the smell of alcohol mixing with her scent infiltrated his nose. 

“I’m with my friend, Karen. I invited her over for a girl’s night after you left earlier. We were talking about you, we were wondering if you have a soulmate. Oh my gosh, if you do. What would you even do? I could honestly imagine myself with Captain America.” [Name] rambles, her words occasionally mixing together. 

Matt chuckles under his breath, amused at her rant. He also picked up Karen’s name, he hadn’t know they have been friends since they met her at the coffee shop. He completely disregarded her soulmate question. 

“She’s coming out the bathroom now. Stay safe and goodnight, [Name].” Matt said to her. [Name] heard the bathroom door opened and turned to check. 

“I never told you my na-“ [Name] turns to the window before realizing he had left. Her face displayed confusion as she peeked out the window to see no Daredevil. No signs of him anywhere. It made [Name] think she had hallucinated the interaction.

“Who were you talking to?” Karen questions, “I guess to myself, I must’ve drank too much.” [Name] laughs and shuts the window close. 

“Now let’s watch movies till we pass out.” Karen eagerly says and sits comfortably on the couch.

A/n : not proofread!!

[pikayune]

Thinking about the possibility of Jaiden being tortured and I’ve got some thoughts.

I think it’s fair to say that Bagi not only would support torturing Jaiden and most likely would be the main instigator, but also probably wouldn’t have any remorse about it considering their relationship isn’t very developed. What I think is more interesting is considering who among the other island residents (with a standing relationship with Jaiden) would side with Bagi, who would be on the fence, and who would be actively against her.

-Major players-

Bad: has a fairly strong relationship with Jaiden that’s mostly positive but based off his current lore I think he could be easily convinced to side with Bagi, especially in the name of getting information about his son. His loyalties, as a whole, mainly lies with the eggs and given that he still thinks the federation had something to do with their disappearance, it wouldn’t be a far stretch for him to see how getting Cucurucho to talk would be beneficial to finding them. I think he wouldn’t be happy about it, but he would be able to set his emotions aside to get what he wants.

Tina: this is one of the most interesting ones because Tina has stated multiple times that she cares a lot for Jaiden. She also has a massive crush on Bagi and has been shown to be willing to hurt others in her name. I think she would be highly torn in this situation, especially considering that she didn’t list Jaiden among the people she wouldn’t want to see hurt. Ultimately I think Tina would heavily object, but could be convinced to not intervene (doubly if Bad was also trying to convince her).

Forever: contrary to his attitude toward her in the past, I think Forever would be against torturing Jaiden. Ethically, he strives to be very fair and kind, and would be troubled with causing undue suffering. From a personal perspective, Forever now has first hand experience with what Jaiden went through with Bobby and has a better understanding of her mental state during that time. Additionally, he was also grateful towards her for her kindness during his time on the pills. All together I think their relationship has changed to the point of Forever seeing her as somewhat of a kindred spirit and wouldn’t want to see her harmed.

Cellbit: I think Cellbit could very well see the merit in torturing Jaiden to get at Cucurucho and definitely has more than enough motivation to want to hurt the bear, but I don’t think he could bring himself to ever let anyone hurt Jaiden. He cares for her a lot and considers her family, and even though he’s do anything to get Richas back, he wouldn’t stoop so low as to allow his family to be hurt. The main thing I see here is that he might end of being an unwilling accomplice seeing as he’s been playing a bit fast and loose with Jaiden’s info recently. He mentioned her having multiple houses in front of Bad and now knows that both Cucuruchos care for Jaiden so it wouldn’t be surprising if he shared that info with someone HE trusted but Jaiden doesn’t.

Roier: obviously Roier would not be okay with anyone hurting Jaiden, but I actually think with the distance that’s grown between them since Bobby’s death, he wouldn’t fight as hard for her. He could be convinced to not get involved, especially if those torturing her lean into the possibility of getting information on the eggs or push her connections to the federation. I don’t think he’d give in easily, but I also don’t see him as entirely steadfast on the issue, though if Roier did give in he’d have a lot of self loathing around it.

Foolish: for all the jokes the two make about arresting each other, Foolish would absolutely not be okay with Jaiden being tortured and would actively work to save her. Initially, I can see him seeing this as a fun adventure for her, but the second he catches wind of her being actually hurt/ scared/ distressed the gig is up. He cares about her the most on the island, outside of his family, and wouldn’t allow her to be hurt (in an unfun way).

Baghera: absolutely not. Baghera would shut that shit down the second she found out. And even if she wasn’t able to stop it from the get go, she wouldn’t stop trying. She would fight and plea and do whatever it took to get Jaiden out of that situation, no matter who she was against.

-Minor players-

Etoiles: nope. His whole thing is protecting the islanders and he also thinks fairly highly of Jaiden and would actively work to protect her. Also she gave him his scythe and he would never turn that on her.

Phil: would play into it, trying to scare Jaiden and get information through scare tactics, but the second actually physically/ lasting torture came into play he’d be entirely out.

Fit: more or less impartial. He wouldn’t support the venture but wouldn’t do anything to stop it once the wheels were in motion.

Max: still pretty gung ho about his mistrust in Jaiden and could see the benefit in torturing her. The only hesitancy would come from parallels to his own experience.

Pac & Mike: both really like Jaiden and have a positive relationship with her. Moreso, both have trauma surrounding imprisonment and torture so definitely wouldn’t support it. (Though Mike is a bit of a wild card rn, I still believe he wouldn’t go against her)

Slimecicle: Jaiden is one of the few people he’s actually close with and thinks very highly of her after her position as his lawyer and when she cared for him all night after his rampage. Wouldn’t support it but also wouldn’t be very capable of stopping it.

Mouse: vehemently opposed. Would aid whoever else in freeing/ protecting Jaiden.

[yuseirra]

Ch 155 review:

woke up in the middle of the night and wrote ANOTHER huge bulk of a post, I'm having so much fun with this but maybe I should return to drawing persona fanarts again because I.. I'm pretty hopeless regarding mysteries but!! Here are my sincere thoughts about the latest chapter in more detail! I should really keep quiet till things clear up more. I believe so, but it's been really fun to hop into an ongoing series

This was originally written in a different language, then later translated through chatgpt. Chatgpt is so cool; ah I'm really sorry about what it does to the environment though; I won't use it a lot;

I hope to write quality content for those who love this work. That's how I feel. Haha. Well, I find it difficult to write forcefully, so at least I can say that I'm writing based on my affection. I'm not writing to get recognition(although it'd be nice).

Ah~~~.. Hahaha. For this episode's development, I realized how foolish I am because I forgot about Nino! But honestly, how was I supposed to know? That character, broadly speaking, might have contributed to Yura's death, but there was no indication that they did anything related to Goro's death. I don't watch many mystery shows, so when I made a plot guess last time, I dug a hole for myself in another post:

What I can't predict is what's going to happen next. There are too many variables and too much undisclosed information. As new information that hasn't been revealed yet comes to light, it makes it really hard to know.

Just like that.

The first emotion I felt after seeing the chapter was "?". What is this?? What are they trying to do?? And then, I felt really sorry for Ai. There's no sane person around. The person who definitely contributed to her death is her ardent fan (though I think even the term "fan" is too generous for that person). The suspected instigator is her ex-boyfriend or a colleague from the same group... there's really no one she can trust. Even though Ai hid many things and didn't show her true feelings and lied, it seems understandable, doesn't it?

I don't have any major speculations about Nino, but what I've understood is that the character "worships" Ai with some very twisted feelings. If there's a character who wants only the good sides of Ai to be shown to the world, it would be this one rather than Kamiki.

When I delve into analyzing the characters' emotions related to the story, I felt the part that needs explanation is Goro's death. Since Goro's death happened before Ai's death, the interpretation can vary greatly depending on whether it was intentional or just an accident. While many might focus on Yura's death, which is indeed very important, at least you could attach some psychotic criminal's delusional reason to it later. For the case of Goro's, however, it'd mean that there might have been someone other than Ryosuke already working against Ai behind the scenes before her death happened. Whether there were more people dissatisfied with Ai and her children other than Ryosuke is significant in determining how much it contributed to Ai's death.

I've been watching all along, but it didn't seem like Kamiki was involved in it, so I was confused. So, I think we need to sort out this part. This character doesn't seem to have much aversion to the fact that Ai had children, and there doesn't seem to be any reason for him to. From the moment he referred to Ruby as "indeed our child" in his first appearance, I got the feeling that this character recognizes the twins as something resulting from him and Ai, something between them, and doesn't view it so negatively. In that short sentence, there was a faint sense of affection. He doesn't seem to dislike being connected with Ai in one sentence, and the fact that there are children between them doesn't seem to be a bad thing from his perspective. You might think I'm overthinking based on one short sentence, but it's not just that; overall, his attitude when he actually appeared in front of the twins doesn't give any sense of dislike. The clincher was when he casually mentioned in chapter 153 that he has a father's heart. I thought, oh, this must be right.

Therefore, if Goro's death wasn't just an accident, I don't feel that this character would have any reason to harm Goro, who tried to protect Ai and their children and ensure their safe birth. (It could be explained as him being petty and harming Goro because he didn't like anyone else being close to Ai, but I think that's highly unlikely.) However, it still feels a bit off to think that Ryosuke acted alone to hide the body and everything else related to Goro's death.

If Nino were involved, it might make things clearer in this regard. But I don't know how insane Nino is (though She seems to be in very bad shape). I think there was some truth to the psychology of Nino that Kana portrayed...

B-Komachi, which was her and Ai's group, was going to perform at the dome, right? Which means Ai's career is shining even brighter even further. So what would this character gain by harming Ai at that point?

Ai did have a desire to reveal things about herself, though. Maybe this character wanted to stop her because he knew she wanted to expose things about herself and stop being the perfect idol worthy of worship?

From Kamiki's perspective, I think Ai revealing things about herself, especially if it was before the dome concert, might not have been such a bad thing. When the children were about four years old, he still wanted to get back together with her. If Ai had said, "I want to try liking someone, and I have children," then his career might have been ruined by the scandal but he might have been happy thinking, "Oh, Ai had feelings for me to that extent." She's THAT important to him, I believe.

But for Nino, it wouldn't have been the same, would it?

What keeps coming to my mind now is this lyric from Mephisto:

叶かなわないならばあなたになりたい

"If I can't make my wish come true, I want to become you."

Could it be that Nino wants to be like Ai, or even become Ai herself?

She's the one who's expressed her desire to be her (as portrayed by kana in ch 136)

Even if you view Mephisto's lyrics from Aqua's perspective, it doesn't seem like Aqua would say, "I want to become Ai." Of course, it's a powerful lyric expressing longing, so it resonates strongly emotionally. But their genders are different, their fields are somewhat different, and while Aqua seems to have a longing for the entertainment industry, he also tends to deny it.

Or it could be this: Seeing Nino's erased all the other members except herself and Ai in the poster, (she didn't erase her own existence) perhaps she might believe the one to be beside Ai is her and her alone? That might be how she thinks. :/

Adding one more suspect broadens the possibilities, but it seems like Akane and Aqua will explain everything on their own, so waiting might be safer. My guesses probably aren't going to be correct anyway.

What I can talk about more is Kamiki's reaction. Although it was a very quiet reaction, in some ways it was stronger than I expected because he accepted Ai's words completely. From his perspective, he was receiving a message he couldn't have imagined for fifteen years. There was no negative reaction like "No way, she's lying." He simply accepted, as in "I didn't know this," and remained silent.

In another post, I wrote my predictions for him like this:

If the songs are clues and there will be some kind of conflict in the future,

Just as Aqua has been doing things for Ai for years, this character might have been doing things too, and it's probably almost complete. His mindset is that as long as he accomplishes this, it doesn't matter what happens to him. He was planning to meet Aqua and see his daughter once before turning himself in.

But when he realizes that Ai, whom he truly loved, actually loved him back, he might feel like he's losing his mind.

There was a line he couldn't cross, thinking, "Okay, let's not do this," but now, having seen the video, he might cross it. Because he misses Ai so much and she's so precious to him, now he really wants to save the person he loves who also loved him (it seems like he's doing something to save her/see Ai again. Otherwise, the songs wouldn't be like this).

If he thought Ai didn't love him, his feelings (assuming he didn't intentionally kill her) would be guilt, obsession, and love-hate, so he wouldn't have any energy left. Because he has no attachment to himself, he'd have a resigned attitude like, "Alright, let's do this and die," and that's why he easily decided to turn himself in and show up in front of his children.

But if Ai loved him and actually wanted to be with him all along? Then if he was doing something for Ai, he wouldn't be able to give it up. So while he still has no attachment to himself, he might suddenly gain the energy for more extreme actions.

(I'm a bit disappointed that I couldn't accurately predict all the emotional reactions.)

Instead of "losing his mind," it seemed closer to sinking and submerging... It looks like he was someone who could have understood Ai well if only he had the right opportunity.

But I did get it right that he wants to do something for Ai.

Actually, the speculation I wrote above was a bit extreme, thinking that, since it's a manga, the development might be more intense. So, it was a scenario that I didn't really think would happen! Considering the character's personality, I thought he would suffer greatly. That's as far as I thought (with the current information revealed, I'm still withholding much judgment about this character).

But he seems so precarious. I'm worried he might be found dead somewhere... I'm still questioning whether he's someone worth worrying about,

But I don't think it's zero possibility that he'll end up being a very pitiable character.

He's saying he'll do something for Ai, but what could that be? He himself is determined, but Ai is already dead.

Even if Ai has become a star and is watching over him, would she want him to struggle? If he really killed her, she wouldn't want him to do anything invoking her name as a murderer. But if it's truly a misunderstanding, then she wouldn't want him to suffer anymore.

The video Ai left contained a message asking Aqua and the others to help this person, so I think the latter is more likely. Although the video was recorded a long time ago, this is a manga. The timing of when a message is revealed is important to the development. Since this story has come out in the final chapter, I think there might be a situation where the main characters end up helping him...

No but, if Aqua just let this person go, and if Kamiki turns out to be a murderer, that could be extremely irresponsible, right? Even if he let him go, shouldn't he have recorded the conversation and reported it? He should have recorded it and reported it, but maybe he couldn't report it because it happened when Kamiki was a minor? But wouldn't he have been around nineteen when the kids were about four? Is it something too ambiguous to report? Still, the next story that gets mentioned involves at least three deaths. How can he calmly, perhaps leisurely, discuss with Akane that Nino(and him) was involved in the deaths of three people? You never know what a criminal might do if they're cornered mentally.

He said he was going to do something for Ai. If that something is killing people, then it's dangerous for Aqua to just let him go. But since Aqua did let him go, it seems like he doesn't think that's the case.

So, the theory that he committed serial killings to ensure no one surpassed Ai is probably incorrect.

Additionally, there's no mention anywhere of serial killings actually happening, right? It could just be those three deaths. That doesn't mean he's not a murderer. If there had been serial killings of celebrities, it would have been mentioned in the story, right? There should have been some hints, like someone saying, "Hey, this actor who was doing well suddenly disappeared," but I don't recall anything like that. It would have been better if there had been at least some hints. Everyone naturally speculated that he might have committed serial killings to ensure no one surpassed Ai, and based on the way the scenes were portrayed, it did seem that way. But since it hasn't been mentioned so far, it could be that such events never happened.

The mention of bearing the weight of lives came up when the Uehara couple died. Kamiki was very distressed, saying, "Do I have to bear even that?" He seemed to be thinking that because of him, Ai died, and so did the Uehara couple, and now an actor has died too. He seems to be self-deprecating, thinking, "Yeah, someone else died because of someone like me." His way of speaking is really strange though... Is there a reason why he feels he needs to elevate the value of his own life?

When I saw the lyrics of "Fatal," I thought, "This is it," because it hints at "something that needs to be filled." What can fill the void? As the lyrics suggest, "a lack of Ai", it seems to be Ai. If you look at the song alone, it’s about wanting to revive someone he really wants to see, right? "Mephisto" is the same, and since it's a double hit, I thought, "Ah, then that's it. That's why he's moving."

あらゆる望のぞみの総すべてを叶かなえたら　ああ果はたせたら

"If all wishes are granted, if they come true,

あなたに会あいたい

I want to meet you.

星ほしに願ねがいをかけて

Wishing upon a star"

Anyway, stars are important. I noticed that stars appear quite often in the manga.

When I first heard "IDOL" and sometimes when I hear certain songs for the first time, I feel an overwhelming rush of emotions. It's a really amazing and exhilarating feeling.

However, if I listen to the song repeatedly, that emotion dulls, and I become less sensitive to it over time.

When I first heard "Fatal," I felt an immediate and intense sensation. It was as if someone was desperately searching and longing for something immensely significant. As soon as I felt that emotion, I instinctively thought, "This must be it," and it struck me so strongly that it became the reason I've been writing a lot lately.

The songs from Persona 3 were like that too. However, while Persona 3's songs had a warmth that supported the heart, a sense of resolve and determination, the songs from this manga feel like they are heavily spiced with MSG. The intensity of the emotions is incredibly fierce and strong. So, I often find myself wondering, "Is this okay? Is this okay?" But then I realize, yes, this is the kind of emotion being conveyed. It's raw but in a different way.

Considering the emotions that have been flowing so far, I felt strongly that Kamiki must be the one that's being depicted. Does anyone else feel similarly to me? Haha. So, I was just observing till that point, but then I couldn't help but dive in, thinking, "This has to be it."

These days, there are so many horrifying, disturbing, and distressing news stories, and it feels like the sentences given to offenders only add insult to injury for the victims(it's very short and light here). I hate it so much. I wish the term "dating violence" would disappear; it should be replaced with another term because that's not love.

So, while watching the developments in this manga, I feel like... I really don't want to empathize with or sympathize with the perpetrator, even in fiction. I understand that fiction can be separate from the reader's morals and I respect that, but when I think about the emotions between the characters in this manga, it doesn't feel like it's the same as those horrifying real-life cases. I really hope it's not. I'm not looking for it to not be like that on purpose; it's just that something feels off...

When watching the scenes with Ai's video, at first, my heart ached, but as time went on, I kept thinking, "Kamiki, you better get your act together." If this character has done things worthy of criticism, I absolutely don't intend to condone those actions even a bit, and I believe they should pay for their crimes!

But I think it's okay to wait and see for now? Am I really the type to get easily fooled? Haha. Still, I believe I have a good sense of understanding when it comes to emotions... I got Aqua and Kana right, and maybe that's why I got excited and gained momentum. It was exactly as I thought, for their case.

Well, we'll have to wait and see. I'm going to stay quiet for now. But if I'm going to draw fan art, I need to have a clear understanding of the emotions, which is important to me. If I can't predict what this character is feeling, I can't touch it.

Kana is really great in this regard. She's a character who doesn't need to overthink, so it's really comforting. While everyone else is complicated and holding secrets, leaving me to wonder "when the heck did you find out about that?" having new conversations among themselves, Kana is relatively easy to understand... what you see is what you get.

Or Ai, since she's shown almost everything (there's one video left), I might be able to do something with her too.

I liked the character Akane because of the profiling scenes. It didn't feel entirely like someone else's business because I do some degree of psychological analysis on the characters I handle. So that could maybe be why the range of characters I can manage isn't that wide depending on the genre. I usually focus on less than 5 characters and examine them REALLY deeply. The types I can understand and handle well are quite distinct for me. However, I want to dive deeply into the characters I do handle.

To create proper fan works, you need a lot of pieces of the puzzle. I might end up being off the mark, but I'm still doing it seriously when I make fan work!

I'm very happy when I hear good comments regarding such area :) I really want to do a good job. For now, I will stay on watch and see how things play out for now.

+

I thanked chatgpt :) :) aw they're nice (although they don't have feelings they've been helping me from rewriting things twice)

[bloodpen-to-paper]

Currently rotating Bad and Tina's dynamic in my mind and thought I'd share. I mentioned in a previous post that their relationship is a lot like Bad and Foolish's, but cranked up like 50% on the hostility bar (and cranked way tf down on the uncomfortable sexual tension bar). Bad gets a kick out of annoying Tina as is his nature, but he also helps Tina out with her projects. Its just kinda become Bad's love language, but whereas Foolish fully understands this and accepts there's parts of Bad he'll never understand, Tina has yet to wrap her head around his behaviors, and it often leads to her butting heads with him a lot from her side, while Bad laughs it off from his end.

They also have an interesting layer of depth when it comes to trust; to date, Tina is the only one who was told the full truth about Bad, the soul vultures and his mental state by him directly, but he only told her as part of a sort of mental game, and in response to her complaining that no one trusted her enough with important information. He immediately dismissed his own confession as a joke, showing that he doesn't take Tina seriously. Yet, also chose to let her be the one to get the closest to knowing his secrets. I think part of it is Bad taking a gamble, because he actually does know Tina better than you'd think, and he knows she's not going to tell anyone because of her "mind my own business" nature. He's playing mental games that she's walking right into, much to her annoyance and much to his amusement. But I'd like to think the reason he chose to take this gamble with Tina is because deep down he was really desperate to talk about what's going on in his life, and he's close enough with Tina that he can let his true self slip a bit. Besides Foolish and Cellbit, Tina might actually be the person to have witnessed Bad's more sinister nature the most, and because she never knows how to react, Bad's made a sort of game out of it. Basically, like with most relationships involving BBH, its a convoluted rabbit hole that only goes deeper, and like with most relationships involving Tina, she's left to analyze and overthink the pieces.

[embeanwrites]

It Was Always Simple (Artemis Fowl/Reader)

A/N: This is a commission for @gifted-burnout! Hope you enjoy! 

It had happened faster than Artemis would like to admit. He liked to be on top of plans, at least three steps ahead of his enemies, but she was always a variable that he couldn’t account for. If he predicted her to go one way, she would without a doubt go the other way. If he took this into account, she would then go the way he had first predicted. It was beyond frustrating, but Artemis was never one to back down from a challenge. 

She preferred to take things head on and recently the pair had been working on a new flood prevention plan for a local city, one that would without a doubt fix the issue of flooding that plagued the city every six months or so, but they had met resistance from, what Artemis had originally deemed to be nothing more than, a shady insurance company that made marks through flood claims. However, as the threats rolled in the two of them quickly realized that this was more than a shady company, it was an intelligent group that laid below many businesses. She had called it the mafia, Artemis told her she needed to watch less TV and get real about the threat. She then said the best way for them to deal with them was to face them head on, show them what they knew, and bust them. He disagreed but offered no other solution. 

One moment the two of them were arguing about the safety of her plan, the next she was storming away when he said no and shut her plan down. It wasn’t anything new, and it especially wasn’t a new argument. 

Leading them too now. 

He preferred to let her cool off, to come back to him on her own terms. He had found this was the best way to essentially “win” their fights, but it had been over two days and he hadn’t heard from her, and he had an undeniably bad feeling about this. He didn’t like this idea that she was going to prove him wrong, it was less about being actually right and was more about if she was safe. He no longer cared about being the bigger person in the argument and he didn’t care how mad she would be over this, he needed to talk to her.  

Sitting in his study, he impatiently fidgeted with his phone, opening, and closing the secure messaging app they normally used to communicate. Their last text messages staring at him, mocking him. He found himself staring at his phone, debating tracking her phone. Was it a breach of trust that she would get upset about? Yes. But he was starting to think it was worth it. 

Turns out, he should’ve done it sooner. 

“For the last time, I don’t know anyone named Artemis, especially a boy. I mean come on isn’t that a girl’s name to begin with. I think your facts may be-” Before she could finish her sentence the man slapped her, the sound echoing around them as she winced from the force. She kept her eyes trained to the side on the dark gray wall, pretending it was the most interesting thing she’d ever seen. She refused to let the stranger see her unwillingly cry from the blow, she would not let them win in any sense if she could. She would not be viewed as weak, especially by some Mafia scum. 

It hadn’t taken more than an hour of scoping out the fake insurance place’s front for her to be found out. So focused on the task at hand, she hadn't noticed the two men until they had already grabbed her and covered her nose and mouth with a sweet smelling cloth. When she woke up, tied down to an uncomfortable metal chair in a musty dark room, she figured it had to have been chloroform. Cowards, they didn’t even give her a fighting chance. Her hands were tied behind her back, her ankles were tied to the legs of her chair, and she couldn’t see for sure, but the chair seemed to be bolted to the ground. She wasn’t going anywhere these guys didn’t want her to and Artemis would have no idea where she was. 

She absolutely hated to think it, let alone admit it, but Artemis was right. Not only about the situation, but about her. She was foolish and she rushed into a situation and now she was paying the price. Knowing him, he would be patiently waiting for her to run back to him and listen to whatever his genius plan would be. She had no way to contact him, and she hadn’t told him what she was doing. Well he’s smart and it probably wouldn’t take him a terribly long time to find her, but how long would it take for him to realize something was wrong? 

At the thought of him waiting for her to return patiently, she pulled at the zip ties on her wrists as if she hadn’t been trying that for the past few hours. Her wrists were already red and raw from the strain, but she barely took note of the pain. 

“You have two choices, the way I see it. Tell me what Artemis Fowl knows about us, and you get to keep your life. Or you keep this ‘undying loyalty,’” He said mockingly, “and wind up in the bottom of some river and that’s the end of your story.” 

The answer was simple, in her mind. She paused for barely two seconds before plastering on what would have been an award winning smile if not for the split lip and bruises marring her face, and spat right in that piece-of-shit mafioso's face. She couldn’t help but laugh as he grabbed her hair and pulled her head back at a painful speed. 

Artemis didn’t like wearing his emotions on his sleeve, he spent his entire childhood learning how to perfect his poker face, to not let his enemies see how he felt. He liked keeping his cards close to his chest, but she had made it increasingly more difficult to do so. The way his heart sounded like it was going to beat out of his chest, the butterflies in his stomach, and the way his mind would grow foggy when she was around, it all determined him even more to not allow their last conversation to be in anger. 

When Artemis had located her phone, which was in an area she had never been and one the two had linked to the fake company he became increasingly more concerned for her wellbeing. Artemis couldn’t allow himself the time to wonder if he was in the wrong. Every second wasted could mean disaster. He had quickly shown Butler all he had discovered, luckily, he didn’t need to go into too much detail before Butler had connected the dots his young charge was laying out and the two of them soon got to work. 

It took them less than half an hour to get ready and to get to her phone’s location and they were immediately met with resistance, and while Artemis normally wanted to take his time, toy with his opponents, and outsmart them, he felt his anger as if it was red hot lead in his veins. He wanted nothing more than to put down the men who had hurt her in order to find her and bring her back to safety. The more time that passed he became increasingly worried for her health and wellbeing. 

Artemis was breathing hard, knuckles bruised and bloody but not as bad as the now unconscious goon lying beneath him. He couldn't feel his split knuckles, his sole focus on finding her, saving her, destroying those that took her, and keeping her from ever recklessly endangering herself again. He vaguely felt Butler’s hand on his shoulder, urging him to keep going. 

The pair launched themselves into the security room as Butler fired a tranquilizer dart at the guard. Artemis quickly stationed himself in front of the many camera screens. He took them in at a speed that was barely human, looking for any sign of her. It took Butler looking to point her out to Artemis. He fought the numb feeling as she was clearly unconscious and strapped to a chair. The blurry camera gave away no clear wounds, but at the very least, Artemis noted, that her chest was falling and rising so she was alive. 

“It’s down the hall and to the right. Cover me and I’ll get her.” Artemis found himself ordering without really thinking about it, but surprisingly Butler didn’t argue with the command. Maybe he recognized just how important she had become to Artemis.

As quietly as the two could, they ran down the hallway, checking corners before they finally hit the door she was behind, Artemis quickly got to work on the lock, letting the simple task allow him to focus on something other than his nerves. 

As the door unlocked and opened, Artemis was immediately met with a heartbreaking sight. It was clear she was still alive, and they had made quick eye contact, so she knew she was saved, but she immediately looked back down and kept her mouth shut, which was very unlike her. 

Artemis quickly got closer and got out a pocket knife, first cutting the zip ties on her ankles that were keeping her pressed to the chair, and then gently cutting the ones on her wrists. She winced as the bonds came off but made no move to leave the chair. Artemis took her face between his hands, brushing her hair out of her face. He took stock of her busted lip and bruised check, he tilted her head one way to confirm there wasn’t something more sinister waiting for him. He tried to get her to make eye contact to check her for a concussion, but before he could ask any follow up questions, she started to cry. 

If this was a few years ago, he wouldn’t know how to respond, he’d probably remove himself from the situation entirely, but his heart ached for her in this moment. He decided that waiting there for more guards to come or anything would just further traumatize her, so his best move was to remove her from the situation completely. Even though he would do anything in this moment to end their entire organization now. Slowly, so as not to spook her, he gently gathered her into his arms and picked her up bridal style. He was worried at first that she’d try to fight back, saying she can walk on her own, but instead her head laid on his shoulder and her arms wrapped around his neck. He knew his own face must’ve been burning with embarrassment, but he was just happy to have her back. 

“Butler, are we clear to leave?” He asked quietly, not wanting to startle her even worse. Butler nodded, looking briefly at her as she curled further into Artemis’ grasp, if it wasn’t for the situation Butler may have smiled or teased the two for how far they’ve come together. 

The rest of the day was a blur, she remembered Artemis carrying her and gently placing her in the car, taking the time to buckle her in. He asked her if she was hurt anywhere that he couldn’t see, to which she simply shook her head. He sat next to her in the back while Butler began driving them back to Fowl Manor, Butler debated for a few minutes whether she may need the hospital, but ultimately decided Artemis would have said something if she needed. A few times she would catch him looking back at the two of them in the rearview mirror, and if it was any other day, she’d probably be making faces at him or at the very least talking to Artemis. 

Artemis. 

She knew it was coming. The moment for him to tell her that he was right, and she should’ve listened to him, but so far, he hadn’t said much of anything other than checking up on her. He helped her into the guest room at Fowl Manor and ran around getting her water and a snack. Finally bringing a first aid kit and started treating her face and wrists. He had started with her face and a gentle grasp of her chin. 

With tired eyes she watched him dab some rubbing alcohol onto a piece of gauze. She looked up and he gave her a small smile as he gently grasped her arm to turn her hand palm facing up. 

“This will sting.” He murmured, as he softly pressed the gauze to her busted lip, she couldn’t help the sharp intake of air and slight jump back. However, he acted like he didn’t notice as he continued cleaning. 

It went on like that for a few minutes, Artemis slowly and carefully cleaning her face and then gently moving onto her wrists and her trying to think of something, anything to say that get them past this unbearable silence, she knew he’d never break it, he was too proud, too sure of himself being correct all the time, and he-

“I should’ve been there. I’m sorry.” He whispered and for the first time in their entire relationship she was shocked at the emotions in his voice. This was so not like him, she was expecting a lecture. 

“Artemis, you couldn’t-” She started. 

“I did know, I know you and I…I should’ve at the very least listened to you. This was dangerous and I knew it and I let you go for it anyway. I never should’ve let you leave; I should’ve listened, we should’ve kept trying to find a suitable plan, but I never should’ve let you leave knowing you and knowing how dangerous those men are.” Looking up at Artemis’ blue eyes he immediately darted his eyes away from hers, but she could still see the pain he was holding…he was actually upset at this, and strangely not at her. 

“Artemis, you do know it wasn’t your fault, right?” She asked softly, taking his hands in hers and it was at the moment she noticed his knuckles, bright red in contrast to his pale skin. “Artemis.” She tsked, not waiting for his permission, she took the used gauze from him and gently started cleaning his knuckles. 

“That’s unhygienic.” He murmured, as she let out a humorless laugh and shook her head. 

“We’re past that.” She replied as she dabbed the clean end of the gauze gently over his knuckles, unlike her he made no sound or movement as she cleaned. “I need you to understand it wasn’t your fault, Artemis.” She gently repeated and he sighed. 

“If something had happened to you, I wouldn’t-”

“But nothing happened, Artemis. I’m okay. A few bruises, but that’s pretty typical in our line of work.” She reminded him. “I signed up for this, remember? Us working together to try to ‘save the world’.” She added extra emphasis to the ‘save the world’, causing him to let out a small laugh. 

“Can I say something crazy?” He asked as he removed the gauze from her hands, setting it on the bed and with a featherlight touch he grasped both her hands. She had never noticed how much bigger they were than hers, sure Artemis was tall and could be intimidating, but never to her. 

“When are you not talking crazy?” She said hoarsely with a half-smile. She watched him take a deep breath. 

“Today was scary, for multiple reasons, but one thought kept going through my head that if they had…if you were…” He struggled before clearing his throat. “If you had died today and I hadn’t gotten the chance to tell you how much you mean to me I would have never forgiven myself. I was so shaken when I saw you on that screen with your head down and for a single moment, I thought I was too late and that you died thinking I didn’t care about you…about us.” 

“Artemis, I don’t know what to say.” She whispered; she almost couldn’t believe what was coming out of his mouth. This smart, infuriating, well dressed individual sat in front of her was looking at her as if she hung the stars in the sky and for the first time in their friendship all those feelings came crashing into her. They were never trying to one up each other, they were trying to impress each other.

“You don’t have to say anything, I just need you to know that I’m in love with you.” He supplied as if it was the easiest conclusion known to man. If she hadn’t been so emotionally and physically exhausted, she may have laughed or tried to tease him before giving in, but right now she just needed him to know. 

“I’m in love with you too, Artemis Fowl.” He smiled and looked down at their hands. 

“Promise you’re not going to ‘sike’ and take it back tomorrow?” He said looking at her with a rare smile. 

“While that would be hilarious, Fowl. I do mean it. I promise.” She said, leaning over he gently kissed her check. “Oh, come on, two years of friendship, building up to this, you can do better than that.” She joked, putting her right hand on his check, and pulling him in for a real kiss. It was soft and chaste, much unlike their relationship up to this point, but she couldn’t help but smile as the two pulled apart. 

“You need to get some rest, you’ve had a horribly traumatic day, my dear.” My dear. It rang in her head, and she fought back a smile. However, he was right, the mess of the day and finally being safe was catching up with her. 

“Will you stay with me?” She asked and Artemis smiled. 

“Of course.”

[qmorningcrew]

dump all your ideas abt ur summer camp au i want to hear it

ahhhhhh first of all anon ily <333

here’s my ideas for the summer camp au so far :)

- it’s called quesadilla summer camp (im so creative lmao)

- the camp was created on an experiment. if it went well, they would implement the plans on a larger scale. (what’s the experiment? it’s assumed it has something to do with crossing the language barriers but no one actually specifies)

- all participants get college scholarships

- but the whole thing is really badly executed? like it just does not have the set up or functionality of a normal summer camp

- there’s just very little supervision or guidance

- the camp is run by some version of the duck, and they’re very uninvolved which leads cucurucho and zero to just Not Care.

- counselors are rubius, cucurucho, and the code entity

- the code entity goes by zero

- zero really doesn’t talk but they all learn pretty easy it’s how fucking awful of an idea it is to piss them off

- cucurucho and zero are they/it besties

- rubius is the same age/around the same age as the campers, cucurucho and zero are older

- sometimes one the campers walks into their cabin and sees an entirely new person in their cabin, which is normal. they switch cabins constantly

- the first week people just keep. randomly wandering off. “where’s wilbur?” two hours later wilbur walks out of the woods with a rock. (not even like a cool rock. it’s just a normal fucking rock)

- phil’s the mom friend. but he’s still a disaster. he’s just the only one with any shred of responsibility. he’s also just got an aura of trustworthiness that makes everyone trust him with their problems

- fit is just. so chill

- he also just? always has what you need? “yeah sorry it’s a bit hot in here, a screw that seemed important fell out of the fan earlier so we haven’t turned it on yet” “oh! i think it’s in here- nope screwdriver’s in the left pocket, where did you say the screw was?”

- dan just kinda disappears for a bit? cucurucho tells the campers he went on vacation but they don’t entirely believe them. dan comes back a little different.

- spreen is always either starting chaos or nowhere to be found

- quackity manages to keep putting himself in the middle of like every problem whether he’s involved or not

- however charlie pretty much is always involved

- luzu is had DID and arin is an alter

- luzu does know about arin but he was just diagnosed and is still figuring it all out

- roier flirts with everyone (except jaiden, he respects her boundaries)

- wilbur brought his guitar with him and sings at the campfire some nights

- charlie only joins in on the meme songs

- jaiden finds the most. random shit. “hey guys i found $20 stuck to the bottom of the picnic table with a piece of gum” “oh dude look! a patch of four leaf clovers!” “woah look at this cool bottle cap i just found!”

- maximus is a conspiracy theorist but in like a, hey this actually genuinely makes sense kind of way

- bad is terrified of spiders

- he saw one in the bathroom of his cabin and was completely moved in to a different cabin within seven minutes

- roier finds this hilarious

- foolish and vegetta are dating. no one knows how they got together or when they got together. if you ask either of them, you’ll get two completely different answers

- the brazilians join two-ish weeks in

- they all arrive together in a bus together and have already formed a Friendship on the journey there

- the bus was almost set ablaze 4-6 separate times (depends on your definition on separate)

- there is an extremely done cucurucho driving the bus

- forever sees phil and immediately turns to tell felps how that is the man of his dreams

- mike and pac are inseparable. they’re just kind of always within the vicinity of each other.

- cellbit, bad, foolish, and maximus attempt to take over the camp together. it doesn’t go as planned.

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Don't Go Blindly Into the Dark

Summary:

To hide that he can't read, Jan Van Eck has been forcing his son to pretend he's blind since he was eight years old. Wylan is now attending Ketterdam University, and meeting Jesper Fahey may very well be about to change his life. But is he safe to tell Jesper the truth? And what will Jesper say if he does?

Jesper is struggling to weigh up his life in the Barrel and his life at the University of Ketterdam, and there's a good chance that his growing debt is about to make the decision for him. He hasn't attended class consecutively for months, but maybe that will change when his newest project includes partnering up with Wylan Van Eck. But can he really leave the Barrel behind him? And how long can he keep up the pretence of who he thinks Wylan wants him to be?

Tags: @justalunaticfangirl @lunarthecorvus

If anyone else would like to be tagged let me know :)

Content warnings for this chapter: abuse, violence, child abuse, ptsd, reference to kerch indenture laws

AO3 link

Chapter 9 - Wylan

If he hadn’t been terrified someone would see him and start asking questions, Wylan would have run all the way home. As it was he walked as fast as he thought he feasibly should be able to, his heart in his throat, too distracted to pay proper attention to his cane - not that it mattered. No-one else on the Geldstraat used one like his, so no-one could accuse him of using it wrong. Probably. He wasn’t really sure. It didn’t make him any less nervous every time anybody saw him. Every time he saw anybody. Because that was the problem, wasn’t it? 

Wylan Van Eck was not blind.

Actually, that’s not true. “Wylan Van Eck” was blind. He had been since the accident, when he was eight. But Wylan wasn’t. Wylan was an idiot and a liar and almost definitely a terrible person. And what was he supposed to do now?

It had been fine when he sat opposite Jesper in the library, complaining about economics. It had even been okay when he thought they might be flirting. It had been okay because they didn’t really know each other and Jesper didn’t really care who he was talking to; Wylan had seen him around the campus before flirting with anyone who looked his way. Wylan just wanted someone to talk to for once. He’d begged his father to let him go to university, and even when he finally relented all he’d said was:

“I thought you trusted me enough to believe me when I said this was a bad idea, Wylan. But if you need to discover it for yourself, I will let you go - just don’t expect sympathy from me when everything goes wrong. You are trying to force your way into a world in which you do not belong,”

And then, of course, there were strict rules to accompany the agreement. They couldn’t risk anyone finding out about Wylan’s deficiencies, could they? For every one of them Wylan found the tiniest, silliest defiances he could muster. He had to be home from class immediately, but he could get there as early as he liked and would sit alone in the library for hours every morning - not even doing anything for fear of being caught, just sitting alone anywhere that was not the house. He was supposed to avoid talking to anyone if he could, so he picked classes that would mean he had to do group projects. They were stupid things, inconsequential, but they meant something. Wylan didn’t know if his father hadn’t noticed he was doing these things on purpose or if he was just letting them slide, but either way he was going to cling to them for as long as he could. 

“What happened to this being boring as hell?” Wylan had asked Jesper only yesterday, stupidly joyful to discover he was sitting next to him.

“Oh, I don’t doubt it will be. But you’re smart, and I’m sitting next to you,”

Oh. Right. And here Wylan was foolish enough to think he might have made a friend. His first friend, since Anya. 

But anyway, if Jesper wanted to use Wylan because he thought he was smart then he was going to be sorely disappointed. Wylan was not smart. Wylan was useless.

Wylan didn’t remember an exact moment when his father realised that he could not read. He hid it for as long as he could but he must have been six or seven, he supposed, because there had been a long time of trying new methods to teach him even before he started claiming he was blind. Even before his mother died. Wylan had heard them arguing about him several times, but he couldn’t bring to mind what they’d said. And then his mother was ill, and then she was gone. It was all rather blurry. Rather sudden. 

There was also the problem of the Heartrender. Wylan’s stomach dropped like a stone when she walked in - his vision was imperfect through the Tailoring but it was hardly worth real complaint over and he knew that it was her. Did she know? Had she come to accuse him of his lies? What if he’d done something wrong when she was at the house, and his father had punished her like he promised he would Anya? Maybe she was here for revenge.

But Nina - for that was how Jesper introduced her, now - didn’t even show a sign of recognition. She leaned over Jesper and batted back his flirting like they were old friends, even though they’d only met a few days ago, and chatted happily to Wylan about biology until he eventually convinced himself he should join in before they both questioned why he’d fallen quiet. She loved biology, and she was good at it - but she should be, he supposed, if she was a Corporalnik. And yet when Jesper had questions, he turned to Wylan. And Wylan had been stupid enough to convince himself that meant something. He had been so suddenly, unexpectedly, and naïvely enamoured by the idea of finding friends in Jesper, Nina, and Inej that he had not only stayed after class, but he had stayed until sunset. And as soon as he stepped through the door at home he was met by the consequences of it. 

His father didn’t shout. He didn’t even look that angry - just tired. Weary.

“Why didn’t you come home, Wylan?”

Wylan looked at his shoes.

“I was studying,” he mumbled, “I lost track of time. I’m sorry,”

A brief moment passed. 

“You are not to attend classes at the university anymore,” said his father, simply, like he was telling him to wash up before dinner, “Go upstairs and prepare for this evening, it’s lucky you haven’t arrived so late as to burst in upon the event and embarrass us both”

Wylan had forgotten about this evening. His father was hosting a dinner party for the rest of the Merchant Council; Wylan would have to spend the entire night sitting quietly but still acting engaged, answering awkward questions, and trying not to spontaneously combust. Perfect, that was just what he needed today.

“No, father please-”

“We had an agreement, Wylan, and you’ve gone against my wishes. Besides, with your concerning grade in your business class I think we both know what’s happening here don’t we? I tried to warn you,”

You are trying to force your way into a world in which you do not belong.

Wylan felt his cheeks heat. 

“That’s one class!” he found himself crying out, which was probably the worst decision he could have made.

But why did Jan Van Eck only see the struggling business grade? Wylan wasn’t even failing business, he just wasn’t doing as well in it as the others. Why couldn’t his father see the soaring grades in the sciences that Wylan and thrown himself at and buried himself in, in some desperate attempt to make up for all his other failings? He could see now that it had always been a lost cause, that there was nothing he would ever be able to do to apologise for the hurt he had caused his father with his uselessness. 

“Please, father, I promise you I’ll-”

“Don’t talk back to me, Wylan,” his father’s eyes flickered dangerously, but his voice remained level, “You are not to attend classes any more; I shall submit your withdrawal from the school tomorrow morning and if you are going to argue with me then you will stay in your room until such time that I’m convinced you won’t foolishly run off and leave yourself privy to any potential danger again. You are vulnerable, Wylan, and if you aren’t sensible enough to keep to the house yourself then I will be forced to do it for you,”

It was nothing he hadn't heard before. Nothing that hadn’t been done before. Wylan’s bedroom locked from the outside, and had done so for about as long as he could remember. 

“Please-”

“One more word, Wylan, do you hear me?”

And Wylan didn’t know why he did it, didn’t know why he was stupid enough not to just fall silent and do as he was told. But he lifted his chin and said:

“I don’t care. I want to continue attending university,” 

He registered the sting afterwards more than he did the slap itself. His cheek was burning and his neck hurt from moving so suddenly. The unwelcome bite of tears pressed into him and he tried desperately to quash it before his father noticed.

“What you want, Wylan,” his father hissed, as Wylan suddenly realised he was being dragged stumbling up the stairs, “Is entirely irrelevant to what any of us need. Now stay quiet, and I will speak to you tomorrow,” 

And then the door was closed and Wylan heard the lock click shut. He gripped his cane so tightly that his knuckles turned white and he might have snapped the ridiculous thing in two, and then before he really knew why he had thrown it across the room and collapsed onto the carpet. He pulled his knees to his chest and let the waiting tears spill onto his face, bursting from his throat in sobs even as he held his nose to try and force them to be quieter. 

Years ago, after a lousy reading lesson and a similar message of crushing disappointment from his father, Wylan had been sitting on the floor of his bedroom like this when Anya found him. She wasn’t supposed to come into the main house; she was a Grisha Healer, indentured to Wylan’s father after fleeing Ravka, and she was not officially allowed anywhere but her room and the Grisha workshop unless specifically summoned. But she risked it, to come and find him.

“Anya- what are you doing?” he’d whispered, panic rushing in his throat, “he’ll-”

“I could not leave you all alone, could I?” she smiled, moving slowly away from the door she had leant against when she hurriedly pushed it shut.

“But-”

“He won’t find out,” she whispered, “and if he does it is my fault, not yours. Promise,”

It wasn’t himself that Wylan was worried about, but he kept quiet and linked his index finger around Anya’s.

“Promise,” he breathed.

Wylan didn’t know the details but he thought Anya must have left a while before the civil war broke out, because she just seemed to always have been there, and was only a similar age to him - surely she was too young to have been fleeing the fighting? He had never asked her. Maybe she just didn’t want to end up being part of the once-compulsory draft - no-one was less inclined to unnecessary violence than Anya was.

“And yet now I find myself wishing I was a Heartrender,” she’d said to him, stolen into his room to sit on the floor and hold his hand, “so I could make your father sorry for this,”

Wylan just shook his head. 

“It’s not his fault,”

It was part of Anya’s job to Tailor Wylan’s scars, and his eyes too. She hadn’t been told the truth, of course - like when Nina came to work on them, she believed the cloudy layer it brought of Wylan’s eyes was an inescapable byproduct of the process and not the real reason she’d been hired. But Anya was kind and sweet and easy to talk to. Wylan ended up telling her all of it, and as soon as she knew what she was doing she was horrified.

“I can not be part of this,” she’d told him, at first, “I do not want to hurt you like this,”

But Anya had never hurt him. Wylan had hurt her; he didn’t know exactly what he’d done but he knew that she was his only friend in the world, that he had pushed his father too hard, and that one day Anya was gone. 

“She’s no longer under my employment,” his father had said, the last time he ever mentioned her.

It was the only explanation Wylan had been given. It was the only one he dared to ask for. 

Because whatever had happened to Anya - and he had no illusions of it, he knew his father had probably sold her like a bolt of cotton - was entirely Wylan’s fault. 

Now he lay on his bed, listening to the dinner party downstairs, mulling over his father’s words. Did he even want to go back to university? He couldn’t tell Jesper the truth, but he couldn’t go on lying to him either. He was evil, and cruel, and Jesper had looked at him like that… Wylan thought of Jesper’s hand on his, his fingers in his hair, his lips moving closer to Wylan’s. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t lie to him - but there was no way of telling him the truth. What would Jesper say if he did? What would he think of him? Maybe this was for the best. Wylan couldn’t face Jesper, he couldn’t face Nina, and if Inej and Nina were here together then he was deluding himself about befriending her as well. The only class he properly looked forward to, except in the past week or so, was mathematics and he already knew almost everything they’d been learning. And his grade in the business and economics class was terrible. He didn’t know what he was doing. It was every proof Jan Van Eck had ever needed of his son’s failings. Wylan listened to the muffled conversations of the dinner party two floors below, the footsteps of staff passing by his door, the distant clattering sounds in the kitchen downstairs, and wondered if anyone had asked where he was. If they had even noticed that he wasn’t there. When the next morning came and his father came to speak to him, Wylan was still lying on his side in the previous day’s clothes, tears tracing down his cheeks. If he’d slept he didn’t remember it.

“You were right,” he whispered, “I never should have gone,”

Van Eck sighed, and Wylan turned slowly to see his father shaking his head. He sat up on the bed and pulled his feet in to perch cross-legged. 

“I tried to warn you, Wylan,”

You are trying to force your way into a world in which you do not belong.

“I know,” he murmured, wishing his voice wasn’t shaking, “I’m sorry,”

And then the tears came again. His father sighed again.

“Don’t cry, Wylan. It’s unbecoming,” 

Wylan wanted to sob that it didn’t matter, because everything he even did was unbecoming, there was no part of him that was not considered such. But he just lowered his gaze, and apologised again. 

“I’ve submitted your withdrawal for you,” said his father, as though it were a great kindness to have done it instead of putting Wylan through the shame of doing it himself.

It probably was.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

“Take a day. You need to think everything through, and I want you to properly understand that this was a mistake. Then maybe tomorrow we can discuss alternate options for your future,”

Alternate options? Wylan wasn’t sure what he meant by that. University has been his one chance; to find a pathway, to prove to his father that he was worth something. But he’d been wrong. What other options could possibly be left?

[hanasnx]

You have a lyric from brutus in your pinned and its one of my favorite songs and I was talking to a friend earlier today about how the lyrics remind me of anakin

-🪩

it's on my anakin playlist :) i adore that song for him. i actually wrote you my analysis (more under the cut):

I've been watching him for my entire life I hate the air he breathes, his foolish decrees His words so contrived And I hate the way the townspeople gather outside They hang on every breath, cling to his chest Home to his heart full of pride

this passage reminds me heavily of anakin's jealousy towards obi-wan kenobi. from anakin's perspective, he's an observer, and he sees how obi is constantly calm and collected which is something anakin deems a facade. especially because anakin is not as gifted at hiding his emotions as obi-wan. going as far as to "hate the air he breathes" is such a stretch into the imbalanced hormonal declarations of a teen boy who spends far too much time with one person.

not to mention obi-wan has a way with people anakin wishes he has. the amount of— what he believes to be "blind"— trust. but obi-wan has earned that trust, anakin just can't see that. anakin may see people "hang on every breath" and "cling to his chest" and see them as foolish for debasing themselves like that because he himself relies on obi-wan so heavily, and he thinks himself less for it. which is only taught by obi-wan, unknowingly.

The oracle told him to beware the Ides And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't wishing For untimely death or demise Or am I just wishing I could be like you? That the people would see me too as a poet And not just the muse

jealousy can create a number of negative feelings such as wishing you'd never met the person you're jealous of, or wishing they'd die peacefully so you wouldn't have to deal with your jealousy or deal with seeking out closure with that person. the choice of words being, "i'd be lying if i said i wasn't wishing / for an untimely death" softens the blow of such a direct bottom-line being: i wish you were dead. it says a little with a lot, skirting around that blunt bottom-line to sugar-coat it. much like a teenager who might regret his harsh words or knows his wishes are evil in nature because he cannot understand why he'd be having these feelings if they weren't true. and if they're true, that must make him bad.

"or am i just wishing i could be like you?" anakin does wish he could be like obi-wan in many ways, especially in the seemingly easy way people adore him. "that the people would see me too as a poet / and not just the muse" muses exist to be looked at. they can be a representation in the middle of a room in which people gaze upon. it's to capture their essence on a page. in a way, it dilutes the muse. it takes an entire being, and minimizes that being and their complexities into an angle on a page, usually in the style of the painter. anakin may be sick of being looked at, and drawn conclusions about in each individual way. it is his perception that people are hard on him for a number of reasons, and it is also his narrow perception obi-wan is not treated with the same scrutiny.

Oh, it's not true, I don't wish harm upon you From birth we've been like brothers of different mothers Within the spirit of the same womb May the gods strike me down if I forsake you Frater meus, you're beautifully made And to you I'm forever grateful

"oh, it's not true, i don't wish harm upon you" is a potent example of that regret. the last verse spoke of wishing obi-wan to be dead, but now anakin back tracks on it, he doubts himself. of course it's not true, of course he doesn't wish obi-wan harm, contrary to what was said. anakin deals with a lot of cognitive dissonance, and this is a very key phrasing to demonstrate how frequently he experiences it. he wants obi-wan dead at the same time he loves obi-wan and wants him safe and protected. it would be easier if obi-wan were not in his life at all, if they had never met.

yet they are "brothers of different mothers / within the spirit of the same womb" obi-wan and anakin are often described as brothers, obi-wan being the older, respectable, responsible one. he is a father figure to anakin, and anakin's resentment for that power held over him is another motivation to terminate obi-wan.

"may the gods strike me down if i forsake you" anakin speaks in hyperbolic tongues. when he confessed his love to padme, he overcompensated with a lot of love-bombing dramaticism that couldve been used to entrap her. he does not know a healthy way to court nor does he know a healthy way to love, and his idea of love is warped. may the gods strike him down, kill him, destroy him, dematerialize him if he ever abandon obi-wan to whom he is forever grateful and indebted to. he cant believe he would ever say a nasty word about his pseudo-father when he loves him so much. that line of thinking is what drags him down to the depths of the dark side, for when you experience human emotions and you shame yourself for them and hide them, they only fester in that darkness you've thrust them in.

I'll never forget that you showed me to make art And I know the love you showed me came From a pure and noble heart I love you, and if you want, I'll call you King But why do I lie awake each night thinking "Instead of you, it should be me"?

obi-wan showed anakin the wonders of the jedi. the meditation, the peace, the sanctuary, the teachings. he introduced anakin to that slice of culture. he showed anakin that he is responsible for his own autonomy and what he can do with that autonomy. he can make art, he can live for an artform, he can live in a luxurious way compared to where he came from. a life of leisure in a peacemaker compared to a bomb in your neck. he learns later that it's too simple a life for him, but for a while he chews on the meat of the false paradise he built up inside his head for so long.

"pure and noble heart" anakin may see obi-wan as a man without faults, or convinces himself obi-wan is incapable of faults to further scold himself for insisting obi-wan is jealous of him (fed via the lies of the emperor).

obi-wan is promoted past anakin, he's a knight first, a master first, on the council first. the first in a thousand years to defeat a sith lord, a highest honor. "i love you, and if you want, i'll call you king" anakin will admit obi-wan is his better, his superior, if that's what obi-wan wants. that's how much he loves obi-wan.

yet, he envies obi-wan's place. in both rank and adoration, anakin wants that kind of devotion and blind faith, regardless if that does not align with reality because obi-wan has his fair share of obligations and proper procedures he must follow, he is not immune to the same rules anakin is.

Something wicked this way comes And as I set to face it, I'm unsure Should I embrace it, should I run? What motivates me? Hatred? Is it love? What's more wrong; that I too wish to be great Or my mother wished she'd had a son? And even if I can't be the one Maybe I could at least help make way for him Until the day that he comes Maybe my name could also be known That I helped return good to the people And restored greatness to Rome

this is the beginning of the climax in revenge of the sith. he senses a wickedness impending, and he's unsure how to go about dealing with it. should he embrace the emperor's offer, or should he deny him? killing mace sets his decision in stone, and he falls to his knees. is his motivation his hatred for his status or his love for padme? he chooses to make padme his scapegoat, and performs atrocities in her name. if he really loved her, he would know she would've rather die than have people slain in her honor.

anakin wishes for more power, more status, and he left to become a jedi because he believed it to be the way to do it. but he left his mother behind, who wishes she still had her son. now his mother is dead and he is outgrowing his environment.

even if he can't be the one, the dictator, that that "someone wise" he spoke of in attack of the clones, he would make way for him. he would become his sword and his shield. vader is the emperor's sword and shield, and paved the way for palpatine to seize that throne. his name as darth vader is known and in his perception he has overturned the corrupt republic and restored greatness to the galaxy.

Brutus, Brutus, Brutus, Brutus! Brutus, Brutus, Brutus, Brutus! Brutus, Brutus, Brutus, Brutus! Brutus, Brutus, Brutus, Brutus!

the story brutus and julius caesar is worth the research dive, and very much aligns with anakin's own perception of his warped hero's journey.

My name is Brutus and my name means heavy So with a heavy heart I'll guide this dagger into the heart of my enemy My whole life, you were a teacher and friend to me Please know my actions are not motivated only by envy I, too, have a destiny This death will be art The people will speak of this day from near and afar This event will be history, and I'll be great too I don't want what you have, I want to be you

this marks the climax of revenge of the sith where obi-wan and anakin cross blades with the intent to stop one another. anakin knows he must kill obi-wan, and so he intends to plunge his saber into the heart of his enemy. most of his life, obi-wan was his teacher, brother, father, and friend. his actions are no longer motivated by that jealousy, now it is lust for power and eradication of the weak and corrupt. his destiny is to be the most powerful jedi.

the overturning of the republic into an empire will be history, and because he was a part of that he'll be spoken about as well. and he'll take obi-wan's place as a shining example, but he has to kill him first.

I always knew I could be the one Though I feel the endless pain of being And I am scorched by the Sun Of humble origins and born of the cursed sex My name is Brutus, but the people will call me Rex

he always knew he was destined for greatness. but he is scorched by the mustafarian earth underneath him and the pain in the inside has bled out to his skin as he burns alive. the pain of being. of humble origins in the dunes of tatooine, born from a slave, his name is anakin, but the people will call him darth vader.