#I thought I could overcome this fear but idk if I have the strength actually

[in-som-niyah]

hi!! i’m literally so obsessed with your work i’ve been scrolling your profile all day 😭😭 i was wondering if you could write something about jason x fem!reader getting married? mostly fluff but ill never say no to some good smut

a/n: "i’m literally so obsessed with your work i’ve been scrolling your profile all day" WHAT DO YOU MEANNNNNNNN STOP UR GONNA MAKE ME CRY THIS IS EVERYTHING TO ME HELLO??? like wdym u like my work so much u spend so much time on my blog i love u gimme kiss

anyway this prompt is *chefs kiss* bc we all know Big Bad Jason Todd™ is such a loverboy softie but most of all he loves hard.

I think that before he met you he never thought that he would be so enamoured with someone who also feels the same way about him at the same time, that also wants to marry him??? He thinks he's too flawed and violent and abrasive for someone to even like being around him. So marrying him??? haha you're funny.

But after YEARS (yes, it takes him years of a committed relationship with you to fully trust that you actually like being with him for an extended period of time, let alone forever) of handling his emotions, outbursts and injuries with grace while still giving him a whack at the back of his head when he's being stupid, he considers marrying you.

Remember, Jason Todd is fucking scared himself, and he doesn't want to scare you off with a ring that literally promises forever with him. Though he loves you, he wants you to be happy in the end. Will you be happy with him in the end?

It takes a lot of mental and emotional strength to overcome these fears that swirl around his head.

When he does get over it though, he's so attentive yet sneaky when picking your ring. There's a luxury jewellery store on the way to your favourite clothing store at the mall, and he literally takes you to the whole mall just to pass by the store. He always looks to see what your eyes catch, what you like and don't like. Doesn't matter if he ends up spending hundreds since you're at the mall so much, he'll do it just to make sure he gets exactly what you want.

Jason also uses his extensive detective training to find out what cut and stone you want on the ring. He's ok with diamonds, but would want something more unique and personal for his love. He wants something that always reflects you, no matter the occasion.

Side note: once the ring comes he would definitely put together a photo album of pics he took of the ring in plain sight while you're completely oblivious just for shits and giggles

Finally, when it's time to pop the question, he doesn't do flashy and big productions with lights and letters and petals and stuff.

He would be dancing in the kitchen with you on a lazy Saturday, eating pancakes and bacon and when the song ends just casually asks "if I were to ask you, would you marry me?" Now he looks collected as he lovingly smiles down at you but is actually shitting himself until you say that you would in fact marry him if he asked. Then he reaches into his back pocket and pulls out the most perfect, detailed, gorgeous ring you could ever ask for while properly asking you to marry him. Cue the waterworks (from both of you) and the celebratory make-out sesh.

Y'all definitely fucking the night of the proposal though

I feel like it would be realllllly possessive since yk you literally belong to him now

"tell me who this pussy belongs to, pretty girl" Knowing full well you can't answer because your eyes have already rolled back mid-stroke and you're babbling incoherently. It does, however, put a smug ass smirk on his face.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

a/n pt2 bc i can't shut up: i hope u like it!!! i wasn't in the mood to write anything smutty but idk im in my soft era for jason i just want his stoic self to love me :(((((

[jemmo]

rambles on that last twilight ending

my thoughts on the last twilight ending are so??? im gonna need to sit on this one for a while, bc i loved this show so whole-heartedly that i don’t want to write it off bc of a ‘bad ending’, but it also means it’s hard to reconcile that the ending was… well, i don’t think it was bad. i think it deserves more thought than that, but i don’t think it did what it wanted to, nor did it keep with what the shows message was, or should have been. and we can say it’s as simple as day shouldn’t have got his sight back, but I don’t think that was the only thing. if he stayed blind, the ending still wouldn’t have hit right for me. none of it hit right from the end of ep 11 bc it’s like I could feel the intent of the writing, but it’s not what the writing actually was. and if it was given maybe 3ish more episodes and all these characters were given more time, i think an ending like this could’ve worked. but again, it all comes down to that damn ep 11 curse that I thought p’aof was better than, bc you can’t squeeze everything that needed to be reconciled after this breakup and everything they wanted to do into one ep, not with this show.

i didn’t hate the idea of a breakup. if you’re going with the narrative of mohk having a fear of being away from day bc of his trauma and so on then fine, that works. and so it works that they had to be away from each other to grow in that way, but I do think it was unkind to mohk to send him away on that note. some understanding, and day wanting him to go for his own good would’ve felt kinder, and even if they were his real intentions, they didn’t communicate that either. it just felt like day had no empathy for him. and yes he was probably hurting too feeling like no one was trusting him, but whatever, it could’ve been done better. and if they wanted to play on anything else, then hey there was that whole bit with the car and day thinking mohk was looking after him just for the money, why not use that and the fact the opportunities mohk got in his career were connections bc he was with day. day could’ve been like well that was the whole point, you don’t work for me forever, you can do whatever you want now, or even just played more on him feeling like he’s holding mohk back. idk, i just mean if this breakup was going to turn out to be 3 years, no contact at all, which it did, it should’ve felt bigger than a 5 second argument.

anyway, then the finale comes and again, if they’d given more reason for a breakup, i would’ve understand more why day keeps on denying mohk a second chance, which i already don’t like the phrasing of bc it makes out like he did something wrong and needs to earn a second chance which he doesn’t. the whole thing would’ve been more understandable if this was day realizing that they both grew and found happiness in what they’re doing and he didn’t want to ruin that when the breakup meant it could happen. or they could’ve completely 180-ed and shown that one of them wasn’t happy, or both, idk mohk had no one in the states and was incredibly hurt and lonely, day was struggling after losing mohk like he did and reinforcing the idea that he couldn’t be independent made him retreat again. just anything would’ve given more strength behind a need to push away, and would have made it more satisfying when love overcomes it all blah blah blah.

and as much as i liked the airport scene and the fact day did go after him, do you know what would’ve been more impactful? day, knowing his full ability, and going against his mom who still worries for his safety or going bc of his mom seeing that he’s not truly happy, bc both could’ve worked given different writing, getting on a plane by himself and going after mohk, seeing him be able to traverse it all. for once we watch day by himself and unlike at the start of the show, we’re not constantly scared he’s gonna get hurt, bc he’s confident and able now and we can just watch him go after mohk and be excited about it, like the end to any other romance story. and it would’ve meant mohk got this moment where, after looking after day so much and getting broken up with bc he cared too much, he gets to see day caring for him that much too.

and the sight thing. yes, with the time they had they shouldn’t have done it, it should’ve been that they manage to find their own happiness despite it all, then the whole show would’ve been about day accepting his situation and standing up for his own ability and his own right to independence and happiness, and it would’ve meant mohk could overcome his fear of loss and guilt over his sister and learn that he isn’t to blame for anything, bc now day can make his own decisions and is ok on his own. now if there was more time, i could’ve seen it working, but only with stronger writing. I would’ve loved to have seen a conversation over day getting his sight back, maybe him not wanting it bc he’s accepted the way he is much like how some deaf people don’t want implants, and the opposing argument of how not all people in his place can have the possibility of seeing again. we could’ve seen fear in the opposite direction now that he’s used to his life, and that damn first scene of part 4, we could’ve seen him then wanting to go out into the world and look after people like him, just like mohk did for him, bc mohk made him see the importance of having someone there for you that cares for you and sees you as a person, as normal, not as your disability. and funnily enough, do you know what made me cry at the end of it? then showing the pictures that were taken when day was blind. that’s the kind of thing i wanted to see, and wished i did if they had more time. day getting his sight back but still showing how connected he is to who he was at that time and while not being thankful for it happening, being thankful for the way he’s grown, and loving the person he sees in those pictures. to go from someone who hid himself and his blindness to someone who shares his story and helps and advocates vocally for those like him, despite not being blind anymore. that way you still get to give day his sight back as your happily ever after but manage to retain the message.

so yeah. they missed the ball. but i also want to remove this idea that an ending ruins a whole show. at the end of the day, it’s one ep, and when a show has done so much good in all its other eps, at least in my eyes, that’s the stuff I’d rather talk about and remember.

[lets-talk-spirituality]

Hi there, I've recently started using tarot cards for guidance, and something interesting has been happening. Two times in a row, I pulled the Strength card. Then, the other night, I had a dream about pulling tarot cards, and once again, I got the Strength card in my dream! It got me thinking, "Okay, Universe, I'm definitely paying attention."

Now, the Strength card is popping up everywhere in my life. I've encountered it about six more times since then. In my quest for clarity, I pulled another card, and this time I got The Emperor.

I'm wondering how I should interpret the message behind these cards. Any insights or thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Thank you ☺️

Oh god lol. This was me having the Pele card come out for multiple readings in spring of 2022 with no idea I’d be moving to Hawai’i and I had no idea Pele was a Hawaiian goddess 🙃

Idk what deck you’re using but the photo on the card can help with some symbolism of what it might mean. I’m also not sure what you were asking when this came out, and that could impact why this card comes out and how to interpret it.

Strength is the 9th major arcana card, which indicates to me that you have or are about to overcome some major challenge in your life’s journey. Major arcana deals with bigger points on life’s journey versus minor arcana. Think major arcana looks at 5 years while minor arcana looks at 6 months, sort of a comparison.

This card traditionally shows a woman who has overcome her fear of the lion and has integrated that energy within herself. Through the process of overcoming her fear, she became the lion. I actually wrote a poem to my younger self about being proud of her and it’s tied to this energy. How we built ourselves out of all the rubble and created the armor we always wanted, became a warrior goddess, we became who we needed someone else to be, we became our own savior, we became our own warrior. This is what this card makes me think about. You are becoming your own savior.

The emperor, card 5 in the major arcana. 5 represents a needed change, so it makes sense to me seeing this come out after strength. Once you are a lion, you become your own emperor, the emperor of your energy, your own precious resources. This card represents wisdom, which comes with these challenges we face and live through.

Basically it indicates to me that you overcoming something is leading to a major change that will lead you to great wisdom that will help you reach new heights.

I hope some of this helps you! Revisiting that poem made me cry. I’m so weepy lately. Wishing you the best of luck on your journey!

[slicksquid]

going back to work is throwing a wrench in my plans of getting 1 mil ink on e-liter

[nejibaby]

The Only Thing I Got Right

Pairings: Ace x Y/N

A/N: I just finished watching the Marineford Arc and I cried so much so I wrote this on a whim. Sorry in advance if there are grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. It's the tears' fault, I swear! 😭 ((I just desperately wanted Ace to survive, you know? 😭))

This song reminds me of Ace, idk why.

You’re shaking. It would’ve been nice if it was because of the cold or if it was from excitement, but this isn’t the case. You’re shaking from fear, from anxiety. Today, Ace, the love of your life, is going to be executed and you didn’t know if you’d make it on time. You barely got out of Impel Down alive with the help of Ace’s little brother, Luffy.

You hate the fact that you got thrown there with Ace courtesy of Teach, or should you say, Blackbeard. You hate the fact that you couldn’t save Ace from Blackbeard no matter how hard you tried fighting him. It was frustrating, but if a Devil Fruit user like Ace had no match for him, what more of you? You have no powers like that, the only thing that you have is your knowledge on Rokushiki and daggers.

You got imprisoned at Level 3 of Impel Down while Ace was rumored to be on Level 5. Being thrown on a relatively lower level was understandable, even if you are part of Whitebeard’s crew, you are no commander like Ace. Still, even if you are weaker than Ace, you desperately wanted to go get him out of there but it was impossible. Or so you thought.

When you saw a Straw Hat on a male running around with two others on Level 3, you instantly knew it was Luffy. It seemed like god was in your favor because apparently one of your cellmates, who you came to learn was Mr. 2 from Baroque Works, was Luffy’s friend. When he got Mr. 2 out of the shackles, you begged to come with them, telling him your relationship with Ace. Luckily for you, Luffy needed all the help he could get so he easily got you out with the help of the other prisoner he was with. It was all chaos after that.

You’re currently hiding in the crow’s nest of the Marine ship you helped steal alongside Crocodile, Mr. 1, and Jinbei. Your body is already aching from all the running and fighting you did just to escape Impel Down. But even before that, your body had already been tired from the lack of nutrition and of sleep. How could you even dare to sleep knowing Ace was somewhere else, probably beaten to a pulp? And if that wasn’t enough, the sudden knowledge of him being executed in a few hours added more strain and tension to your body. You didn’t want anyone to see you in such a state. You didn’t want anyone to pity you.

But if you’re hurting this much, then it must’ve been so much harder for Luffy. You make a mental note to talk to him before crashing to Marineford. For now though, you need to rest — not only for your body, but for your mind as well. You have to be ready, the worst is yet to come. When you closed your eyes, you welcomed sleep like an old forgotten friend.

Your sleep didn’t last long, however, because of both the nightmare of Ace reaching out for you with bloodied hands and of the waters that suddenly rocked the whole ship. Before you could even get down the crow’s nest, the ship abruptly stilled and the air chilled. When you looked down, you clenched your teeth at the sight of the sea that turned into ice.

A mental clock was ticking like a time bomb in your mind. How were you supposed to save Ace now?

As if hearing your question, Luffy started gathering the people in the ship about his plan. At this point, you would do anything just to get to Ace so you didn’t hesitate to help him in his plan on freeing the ship from the ice. But the next thing you know, you were falling after kicking the thick layer of ice as hard as you can.

Just as you looked down to where you’re supposed to land, you realized that it was Marineford and the war had already started. With a little tilt of your head, you see Ace in the scaffold, shackled up. Worry was etched on his face, his focus on Luffy. You could almost hear him saying how stupid his little brother is.

Was it wrong to smile at the sight of him at a time like this? But how could you not? He’s still alive! You have a chance at saving him. You release a sigh of relief.

You try not to draw his attention to you. He already has a lot to worry about — namely, the Whitebeard pirates, the allied pirates, and Luffy. It was a good decision that you didn’t change out of your prison clothes, it was easier not to get noticed by him this way. For all he knows, you’re just one of the many escapees Luffy helped. You want to keep it that way. At least for now.

There’s no time to waste, so when you landed, you immediately head off to the direction of the scaffold. After seeing that Ace was still alive, you feel yourself get pumped up again. You fight each and every Marine who tries to stop you.

No matter how hard each blow you receive, no matter how painful each swipe of the swords you get, no matter how many times you get knocked down, you keep on fighting. You keep on standing up. There’s only so much your Tekkai could do when you’re severely outnumbered. Nevertheless, you keep on going. Nevermind the multiple cuts and bruises you have. There is only one thing in your mind and that is saving Ace. Even at the expense of your own life.

From the way Luffy fought at Impel Down, you know he’s incredibly strong and tenacious so you find yourself backing him up. You don’t go near him, knowing Ace’s attention was on him, but you guard him from your side. Not a single Marine was able to pass through you from your side of the battlefield. But you can’t cover every area for him. Despite that, he managed to take down anyone who was in his way.

Your ears are ringing from all the overlapping noises of guns being fired, screams of agony from pirates and Marines, swords clanging, and hurried footsteps. At one point, you block all of the sounds while you focus on your own breathing as you run.

Even when everyone stopped moving to watch as Pops descended the Moby Dick and made his move, you continued running. You have to keep up with Luffy. There’s no way you’d let Ace die.

The only moment you actually stopped running was when Luffy unconsciously used the Conqueror’s Haki. So he can do that too, you thought.

That was also the moment you actually got to look at the surroundings properly and realized that Pops had been stabbed. Your knees buck from the sight and you fall down. Regret immediately flooding your body. You’re so focused on trying to save Ace that you didn’t notice Pops needed help too.

The Marines took this opportunity to attack you. Just as a sword was about to hit you, McGuy blocked it.

“What are you doing, Y/N? Snap out of it. This is war. There’s no way we’d be able to rescue Ace if you don’t get your bearings straight!”

The harshness in his tone brought you back to reality. He’s right. Pops ordered everyone to lend their strength to Luffy, and that’s exactly what you’re going to do.

You, along with everyone else, push yourselves to your limits to help Luffy. He did not disappoint. He even punched his own grandfather, Garp, just to be able to reach Ace and free him.

The moment the scaffold collapsed, you almost collapsed with it. Tears start falling from your eyes as you see Ace finally free from his shackles. A smile has finally graced his face as he fought side by side with his brother. At that moment, you think that he’s at his brightest when he’s with his sworn brother. You couldn’t be any more happier.

Now that he is free, it’s time to figure out how to escape. Everyone’s running towards the ships but you stop after noticing Pops wasn’t making the same movement.

“The order I’m about to give will be my final captain’s order!” Pops announces. “You and I will be parting here.”

Your breath hitched at the declaration.

“All of you, make sure you survive, and reunite with each other in the New World!”

You don’t listen to whatever he says next. You refuse to. You stand your ground. You’re not going to abandon the man who warmly accepted you into his family without hesitation despite knowing all of the crimes you committed.

As if sensing your refusal, he turns slightly to your direction, “Are you disobeying your captain’s orders?!”

Stupid old man, he should know by now that you’re no good at following orders.

Ace is one of the last persons to follow his order. You turn away from the conversation they are having, knowing it was a private matter.

When they’re done talking and Ace finally starts running towards the ship, Pops turns to you. He doesn’t talk, he just looks at you.

Shame suddenly overcomes you. You didn’t get to stop Ace from coming for Teach. When he left, you begged Pops everyday to allow you to set sail, promising that you’d bring Ace back. When he finally allowed you, you didn’t waste any time. But even when you found him, you couldn’t bring him back, it was too late and you were just too weak. It was your fault this happened. “Pops, I’m sorry I—”

“I did this. This is all my fault.”

“But—”

He shut you up with his stare.

“Let’s leave here together,” you plead.

But he doesn’t reply. With his stare, you can tell that he isn’t backing down on his order, no matter how much you persuade him to. You release a shaky breath. With tears streaming down your face, you gave one last bow and one last thank you.

And then you ran.

The others are already further away from you but you notice a group of them stopping in their tracks. There in the center of the commotion is Akainu and Ace, seemingly discussing something.

There’s no time for this, you thought.

“—In other words, Whitebeard is an eternal loser, who will never surpass Roger. That’s all he is. Everything I’ve said is the truth,” the admiral says. “He reigned the seas for decades, yet he never became a king or gained anything.”

You clench your jaw at the bullshit he’s spouting, after everything Pops had done to save you, you’re livid to hear him be deduced as a loser. But regardless of the anger rising in front of you, you know this wasn’t the time to get riled up.

The thing is, Ace gets easily riled up. It’s one of his flaws as a person. So when he starts walking to Akainu’s direction, Izo is first to shout, “Don’t fall for it, Ace! Turn back!”

But it’s no use.

That’s when you let your presence known, you shout at the top of your lungs, “Just turn back, Ace!”

Everyone whips their head at the sound of your voice, except Ace and Akainu.

Even you, who are usually able to keep Ace in check, couldn’t snap him out of his anger.

It’s too late.

They exchange blows. Ace falls down, magma is far greater than fire, after all.

“The Pirate King, Gold Roger. Dragon, the Revolutionary. These two men’s sons being stepbrothers is quite a frightening thought.” Akainu says.

When he looks over at Luffy’s direction, you immediately know what he plans to do. You don’t even think twice. There is no second to waste.

“Soru.”

The sound of your voice finally reaches Ace. His eyes widen in realization of what’s going to happen.

“Wait!” He pleads.

But before he could even stand up, you already placed yourself in front of Luffy. “Tekkai.”

But the admiral’s strength and power is far greater than your ability. His fist goes through your chest.

“Y/N!” Ace shouts.

The rest of Division Commanders are in shock.

Akainu clicks his tongue at the sight of you and detaches his fist from your body.

You slump, Luffy catching you in the process. “Oi, Y/N-chan... What did you…? Why did y-you d-do that?” He asks.

In no time, Ace comes to Luffy’s side. “Y/N…”

You smile sweetly at the two men and then you turn to Luffy. “You’re Ace’s brother, silly. Of course I’d do this for you.” You cough out blood and then hiss at the pain.

“Stop talking!” Ace demands.

While Luffy and Ace are distracted, Akainu makes his move once again. But the slight motion didn’t go unnoticed by Jimbei and the Division Commanders. Even if you aren’t a Commander, you acted like Ace’s right hand. To the crew, you’re as important as Ace is. There’s no way they wouldn’t fight for you. So altogether they start covering for the three of you.

You feel your body shutting down on you. You could barely hear Ace calling for a doctor and Luffy desperately asking Ivankov to help you. But you know it’s no use. “I… can tell my body is at its limit,” you whisper.

Ace doesn’t agree, then he gently takes your body from Luffy. “No, I’m going to find someone else who can help—”

“Ace…”

“—you. There’s got to be someone who—“

“Ace… My organs have been burnt. I know this’ll be the end of me.”

“No, don’t talk like you’re dying, Y/N!”

“But I am…” You say. “Look Ace, don’t worry, okay? I was prepared to die when I came here. I was ready to die just to get you out of here.”

“Why would you…”

“Because I love you,” you whisper. “You know… when I take a look at my life and all of my crimes, you’re the only thing that I think I got right.”

Ace hides his face on your neck as he hugs you. With the little strength you have left, you give a comforting squeeze on his shoulder. “Don’t go around disobeying the captain’s order and don’t go around breaking your promise to Luffy. You said you won’t die, right?”

You feel Ace nod at your words.

“Go to the ships and take everyone else. Please don’t follow me too soon.”

Ace hugs you tighter, panting as he continues to cry.

A small smile reaches your lips once again. At least this time he’ll listen, you think. “I can’t raise my voice anymore but please tell Pops and everyone else, even Luffy, they made my life worthwhile. I’m sorry if our journey ends he—”

You didn’t even get to finish your sentence because darkness had consumed you.

[hamihamstik]

idk what the fuck did i do to yeah get ready for visual cancer and my bad writing.

´´John, that's enough! ´´ claims an annoying Alexander, a 17-year-old boy who attends Columbia University, this boy had charming eyes of a blue color combined with violet and a curly hair dyed a strong brown that He could almost look red, not forgetting his beautiful freckles which were scattered all over his face. He had to admit that he was very feminine and his height and body did not help, he was very handsome among women and men although he denied it. Taking her hands off his insistent boyfriend, John, the ones that only managed to scare him.

And it was October 31 and instead of going out to party with the boys or the Schuyler sisters, he could even stay with Gil or George and Martha but no, he had decided to stay with John in his apartment, to watch movies, taking advantage of his parents and siblings are not there.

Serious mistake.

You're a coward. . .''John jokes, continuing with the pinches that distract the freckled, in his attempt to pay attention. They were watching the Japanese version of ´´The Aro´´ and the truth is that Alex was on the verge of a heart attack, he was not good at horror films, although he had a masochistic taste for these types of films.

´´John, seriously. . .Y-stop! ´´ he asks in a not so convincing way, noticing how the blond's hands begin to slip through his clothes. Alexander knows that they are alone and that they will probably do "that" to take advantage of the time together; he resists anyway.

deep down he liked that Laurens wanted more of him.

Come on, you know the end. They all die, '' he whispers in Alex's ear and although he knows he is right, his hoarse and excited voice is what disturbs him.

In less than he expects, he's already got John on top of him and he's collapsed on the bed in a struggle actually. . .not so forced. And that although he does not want to admit it, Alexander likes that rude and daring side that he rarely showed and despite that, it was ´´Jack´´ who started this type of encounter, mostly to commit indecent acts and explore the joys of sex.

´´ Why don´t you stop Lex? ´´ jokes John with a little impatience and his cock is too erect. ´´oh! I don't know, maybe it's because I have a fucking fear that a woman will appear from the TV and kill us? ´ 'Alex sarcastically responds, with a small blush peeking out of his freckled cheeks and managing to get a small laugh from both of them. Listening to Alex's melodious laugh, for John it was music to his ears, but, if he had known this was going to happen, he would have put him in one of those 80's movies, with those he hadn't had any problems the last time.

"It doesn't matter, we'll fix it," he says, smiling confidently and pulling his pants down on his embarrassed and sarcastic boyfriend. Leaving those slender and shapely legs in sight.

He didn't need his dick to lift anyway, as long as he loosened it would be fine.

´´J-jack, u-hm. . . ” Alex gasps when he feels Laurens's tongue brush against her belly button in circles, as his hands venture up his thighs, spreading them wide open. In the background you can still hear the screams of the horror movie.

Movie that they will never finish seeing.

"Do you like it?" Jack asks between gasps and his cock about to burst. He had spent minutes preparing hard the contracted entrance of his dear boy, who would not stop panting and letting out moans that made him lose what little patience he had. ´´Y-yes. . I think I'm ready," he announces to which John, instantly, unbuttons his pants. Releasing his aching erection.

´´Ngh. . . Alex´´ John moans hoarsely against his ear, at the same time that he aligned his cock in his tight entrance, without waiting any longer, the blonde enters suddenly, drawing a groan from both of them at feeling so complete. It didn't take long when he began to thrust into his ass, as the sound of the bed and their sexual release filled the room. For a moment, none of them feel the noise of the film anymore. They are both gone in that dance of sweaty bodies that invokes pleasure and to which they have become addicted without knowing how.

Until something rings.

´´What was that? ´´ asks Alexander to the busy John, who doesn´t even flinch at the loud sound. He is still very immersed in his work of going out and going into the depths of his being.

A second noise is heard.

'' John. . .´´ Alex insists, starting to get really scared. It sounded like knocks, coming from the first floor. ´´Alex, for the shit stop squeezing me ngh !. ... it must be a fucking bird crashing into the window.´´ he tries to calm him down, feeling how his member is compressed against his insides, every time the freckled body tenses.

"What if he is your father?"

The blond's face pales at the horrendous possibility.

"Shit, get dressed!" He says, completely leaving his entrance, and then running off to get their clothes. He throws Alex's clothes at his face, ordering him to stay in the room and for no reason leave there, until verifying if he is his father.

He doesn't know about their relationship, nor that Alexander is in the house. . His presence of him there would be something very annoying to explain.

(…)

The minutes pass and John does not return, Alex begins to worry.

´´John? ´´ he asks once in the kitchen, he chosen to go downstairs anyway. They had spent several minutes without knowing anything about her boyfriend and now she was really scared

He walks towards the front door. . .

It's open.

. . .

With a little chill through running her body, he quickly goes to the kitchen for something to threaten his possible aggressor. He takes a knife, but since he does not consider himself a murderer, he decides to exchange it for a large meat grinder. At least with this one he could take down the possible intruder, before escaping.

Alexander, barely breathing, creeps into the house. There is no noise in it and no sign of John. So, drawing courage from him, he does not know where, he goes outside through the backyard door, where the entrance to the shed can be seen ajar.

A stain of what appears to be blood can be seen on the door of this and causes the freckled young man to collect his heart. Then, shivering and tears streaming from his violet eyes, he enters desperately.

´´J-jack? ´´ he asks with a shaking voice and gasping for breath. He does not see the blond, because it is very dark. He advances looking for the wall switch and then. . .

Then he steps on something that made his blood run cold.

´´AHHHHHHH !! ´´ he yells when he steps on something similar to a body, then realizing that it is just a very battered scarecrow. He breathes a sigh of relief and luckily for him, he finally finds the light switch.

He turns it on.

´´AHHHHHHHHHH !!!! ´´

Alexander runs terrified of the place before what he saw. A shed full of blood-red stains and something that looked like guts scattered on the floor, but what had scared him the most was the dark cloak one that he could make out at the bottom of a corner.

It was that of a person.

. . .

Alarmed, he enters the house and without being able to reach the bathroom, in the kitchen dishwasher he begins to vomit. His body trembles and tears of deep pain fall from his eyes, as he thinks about the possibility of what he saw spread across the walls and floor. . . was his jack

-Hey, don't you think we went out of line?-

-Shut up dumb.-

-oh god, I can't anymore.-

-It was your idea, I'm just following you, asshole! -

-my idea?, it was Ben! -

-Don't blame me for his perversions, when Alex finds out he's going to hit us with that butcher's machete.-

Three young people comment on their joke while hiding in some bushes, unfortunately, precisely the ones facing the kitchen.

(…)

'' Shit, we're more than screwed. . .´´ are Benjamin's words as he sees Alexander open the bushes, revealing his hiding place. His face overcomes what is anger. His eyes are still red from crying and his serious gesture is one of complete hatred.

And he still has the machete in his hand.

"B-ben, weren't we going to the party?" Hale asks Benjamin, who nods nervously, because he knows that if they don't get out of there. . . . they will go very badly.

Alexander although he seems a weakling, but he has strength.

And a machete.

´´y-yes´´ supports him ´´ well dude. . . take care! ´´ Benjamin says goodbye, slapping John on the back, in an attempt to give him support. Although rather, it is a gesture of condolences to his sexual life.

Tonight someone was going to stay without fucking.

(…)

´´Alex,. .hey. . .´´ He tries to get closer to the redhead, taking care that the minor does not split his head.

´´NO! ´´ Alex jerks away from the arm that is trying to take him. "DON'T TOUCH ME, YOU'RE A DAMNED IDIOT!" He shouts angrily, trying not to give her the satisfaction of seeing him break into tears.

Although he was already doing it.

John, like few times in his life, feels bad about the things that

he does. And he had never seen Alex like this.

Crying as if his life were lost on it, and with so much sorrow in his eyes.

This time,

He messed it up.

´´Alex, sorry. . .´´ he whispers and makes a second attempt to get closer, which this time, if it seems to work. His dear boy is so sad and hurt that he does not resist when John embraces him, pulling him close to his body. ´´ I already told you I'm sorry, I'm fine. . Come on, don't cry. . .´´ he tries to calm him down, stroking his back and giving him small kisses on his face full of small salty tears.

'I-I thought you were dead. . .I-I saw all those things and. . .´´ Alex tries to speak but only starts crying again. John, feeling like the worst beast in the world, accompanies him in bed. Laying him on his bed and settling aside to caress his face, guiltily, until he stops crying. Spreading kisses down his cheeks, which were now red as was his nose.

´´J-john no. . .'' Alex tries to stop him when he sees him approach his lips to his face, with the intention of kiss him. ´ ´I v-vomited´´ he confesses ashamed, hiccupping from crying.

´´ I don't care, it's okay. I can clean you with my tongue. . .´´ John insists, speaking flirtatiously to make him laugh again. He likes Alexander who usually laughs, who cries in this way hurts him, and more to know that it was his fault.

´´Stop your nonsense. . . . Can we sleep? ´´ asks what Laurens, trying to control her sexual / depressive urges, nods.

He would have to stay with it this time.

They both snuggle up, covering themselves well with the blankets and giving each other a couple of kisses before going to sleep.

A noise is heard again

Alexander, snuggled against Jack's chest, looks up. John, annoyed, decides to ignore the sound similar to that of a while ago.

Again he is heard again.

These idiots. . .´´ he complains, taking his cell phone to give Benjamin's life sermon. When he answers him, he receives exactly that.

-Hey idiot, are you retarded or what? Stop with your shit or seriously I'm going to kick your balls, and until they come out.

But it is not Benjamin who speaks, it is more, nobody answers. The music of the party is not heard either. Only someone's breathing can be heard in response, so terrifying it makes John hang up the phone and throw it to the ground as if on fire.

´´What's wrong? ´´ asks Alex, calmer now. Jack was a little pale. And is that John, had already heard that noise. He heard it when he stood at the entrance of the house, when he went out in search of what was generating that annoying blow, and then ended up meeting his friends and playing that stupid joke for which he now feared that the freckled man would really hate him.

"It's nothing, let's go back to sleep." He replies, trying to convince himself that it must be another stupid joke of those two. Alexander closes his eyes quietly but John cannot sleep, any noise alerts him. He has a bad feeling.

´´ What's wrong, can't you sleep? ´´ asks Alex, noticing how his Jack moves too much on the bed. . . "no. . . .i have a little insomnia" he confesses, not wanting to terrify him with the chilling thoughts of him.

Where there was still someone in his home.

´´ Me too´´ Alex mentions as he snuggles deeper into John's arms. "Do you want to fuck?" Asks the blonde, to which Alex just laughs. "Jack, don't think I forgot the joke," he replies to which John huffs, frustrated, assuming there really wouldn't be sex today.

´´ although I am surprised that they were so detailed with all that of the blood, guts and that dark suit.´´

´´What a dark suit? ´´ asks John, not remembering that in the plan.

´´the one with the disguise, the dark cape.´´

´´ There was no dark layer .´´

´´ but I saw someone at the back of the shed.´´

. . .

This is when John is more alarmed than before.

And when another noise is heard, this time they can both notice

Which is from a window on the first floor. and that this time they will not be able to see the light of a new day.

Morning news, yesterday October 31, two bodies were found on 123rd Street, because of the atrocious way in which they were murdered, they could not recognize them, however, thanks to our best police officers, we now know their names. John Laurens and Alexander Hamilton. we recommend not leaving the house while we still do not catch this man.

On tv there was an image of the murderer of that couple.

who could say that John Andre's jealousy would lead him to commit such an atrocity.

[carryonmywaywardcaptain]

Imagine...being a demon and hunting Dean down

CarryOnCap’s Masterlist Dean Winchester Masterlist

Summary: When Dean says he knows you better than anybody, you’re surprised to find out that you may have more of a history with the Winchesters than you can remember...

Warnings: very slight Season 15 *SPOILERS* for like a paragraph; mentions of “need to kill”; slight angst and open-ish ending, but implied TFW 2.0 win

A/N: Written for @wayward-mikaelson​‘s #Daily Imagine Prompt and (unintentionally) for @winchester-reload​‘s #Suptober20 day 4 prompt “Brand” (even though I’m working on my actual entry sketches!)  Idk where this came from and it took a weird route. Also, there’s an unintentional...nod? paraphrasing maybe? of dialogue from CA: The Winter Soldier, so credit to the MCU writers for permanently snaking their way into my subconscious because my love for Steve and Bucky apparently knows no bounds.

“If it isn’t the notorious Dean Winchester,” you sneered. “As fun as this little game of cat and mouse has been, you Winchesters are really starting to piss me off.”

They’d been tailing you all across the country and you’d had enough. Sure, you were a demon, but it wasn’t like you set out to hurt anyone. As long as everyone else could mind their own business, you liked to think you were pretty easygoing. 

…aside from a few bloody slip ups here and there but, hey, who was counting?

At least you weren’t one of those crossroad douches in the soul collecting business. You preferred to spend your time topside, having fun and wreaking a little havoc now and again. It had been going just fine until those plaid-wearing pests became obsessed with you. Eventually you’d decided to hunt them down for a change so you could finally get a little peace.

You hadn’t spotted the tall, sasquatch Hunter yet, but you’d caught the green eyed one by surprise and knocked him to his knees. Glaring down at him with a smirk, you kept a firm hold on the pressure point of his shoulder to make sure he stayed right where you wanted him.

“Did the cat catch your tongue? Because, with all of our showdowns lately, I was expecting a little more of that quick wit you always seem to have stowed away.”

If you were being honest, he was a pretty fine piece of ass and you wouldn’t mind going a round or two with him under different circumstances. Even with the dopey look of intensity on his face, laced with...something you couldn’t quite put your finger on.

Distress? Of course it would make sense for him to feel that way--you were a demon after all. Was there a hint of longing in the way he was staring at you? Maybe he couldn’t help thinking you were attractive despite what you were.

Who cares? You practically growled at yourself, chasing away something nagging in the back of your mind that told you there was more to his reaction. Pretending you didn’t actually care because you were incapable of such feelings anymore.

“D’you remember me?” he asked, eyes darting back and forth between yours.

Fuck, he was gorgeous. And it was really hard not to get caught up in his eyes. Why did that piss you off so much?

“Of course I do. You two meatheads have been on my ass everywhere across this godforsaken world,” you spat. “I know we’ve had a grand ol’ time and all, but listen up because I’m only going to say this once-- Leave. Me. Alone. If I catch you two on my tail again, I won’t be such a ray of fucking sunshine.”

He studied you for a long moment, seemingly unfazed by your threat.

“What do you remember about becoming a demon?”

You narrowed your eyes and tilted your head at his question. “What does that have to do with anything? And why the hell would it matter to you?”

“Because it does. Now I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess you don’t remember a whole lot about what happened to you. That there’s some gaps you just can’t seem to fill in.”

“And let me guess--you just happen to have all the answers to that because you know me so well?”

“I do. I know you better than anybody.”

You weren’t sure what game he was trying to play or how he could possibly know how disconcerting it was that you couldn’t recall a damn thing before the last month or two. Your life as a human, your time in hell-- you didn’t have the slightest idea who you were or what had happened to you.

But there was no way you were going to listen to some Winchester--even if your gut told you he was telling the truth.

“I highly doubt that,” you retorted, seething with defiance.

“You know me--”

“No I don’t,” you snarled, unsure why his words were making you feel so unsettled.

“Your name is Y/N L/N. You’ve known me and Sammy your whole life. You--ngh--”

He flinched and groaned in pain when you tightened your grip, digging your thumb into the hollow area just below the crook of his neck and above his collarbone. With your other hand, you withdrew a large blade from the side holster you’d crafted yourself.

“Sorry, sweetheart. I’ve had enough of the foreplay.”

Dean threw a sidelong glance at the weapon. His nostrils flared as he clenched his jaw and fixed his olive eyes on you again.

“I know you’ve been bouncing around looking for answers on that blade. Just like I know that underneath that jacket of yours you’ve got a mark on your arm. And I know from the small trail of bodies you’ve been leaving behind that you’re trying to fight that hunger you have to kill anything and everything around you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Your voice quivered between your gritted teeth.

“It’s called the Mark of Cain. And that right there is the First Blade.” He nodded toward the weapon without a trace of deceit on his face. “I know the calm you feel when you’ve got the blade in your hand. And that power flowing through you? It scares the hell out of you.”

You grimaced, placing the antique blade against his throat as your chest began to heave from the growing rage pulsing through your veins. What gave him the right to pretend he knew a damn thing about you? 

Maybe he was right. Maybe you could admit the power did scare you sometimes. You didn’t exactly give a shit about right and wrong, but the overwhelming urge to kill left you feeling out of control. It was why you were trying to uncover answers about the brand on your arm. Why you were fighting a losing battle with the trembling hand gripping the blade now-- you wanted answers and you needed him to keep talking.

“How do you know all of this?” you demanded.

He swallowed uncomfortably and the blade bobbed against his Adam’s apple. “It was Chuck--uh, God. You’re a Hunter, Y/N. You, me, Sam, Cas, Jack--we’re family. Chuck’s trying to end the world and we were working to stop him. On our last run-in with him...we thought he killed you. But it turns out he sent you to some other universe he’d created. In this world I had the Mark and, when I died, I became a demon. In the other world he tossed you into, we think that’s what happened to you. ‘Bout a month or two ago, somehow you found your way back to this world and we’ve been trying to track you down ever since.”

Furrowing your brow, your eyes fell away from him as glimpses of the events he’d described flashed through your mind. You squeezed your eyes closed, trying to latch onto fragments of the hazy memories emerging from the depths of your subconscious...

Dean screaming your name, face contorted with horror. A small man with graying hair and a wicked grin snapping his fingers. Your hand gripping someone’s forearm, just as his strong hand grasped yours. The deep red energy that flowed from his arm to yours, searing through your veins until the Mark bubbled to the surface of your skin--the scar that was always itching to let the darkest parts of you reign free. 

“We can help, Y/N. Me and Sam can fix this.” Dean’s gruff voice was resolute as he briefly glanced away and begged you to consider his offer. “Just come with us and we can cure you.”

His words stirred something in your chest, making you realize he had triggered the faint prick of some long forgotten emotion. A small part of you longed to go with him, but it was miniscule and insignificant when you considered that “fixing this” might mean getting rid of the Mark. 

Despite the fear and lack of control it brought you, you were unwilling to give up the power or the blade. It was an addiction you had no intention of overcoming.

“Maybe I don’t want to be cured. The way I see it? There’s nothing to fix. Time to say goodnight, Dean-O.”

You raised the blade but, before you could strike, something cinched around your wrist. When the power coursing through you became dull, you turned in surprise to see that Sam had secured your wrist in one end of the cuffs he held. He reached for the blade with his free hand and swiftly dodged you when you lunged at him after releasing your hold on Dean. 

Snarling in rage, you again swung at Sam while he tried to wrestle the blade from your grasp. Dean suddenly collided with your back, circling his arms around you as he pinned your limbs to your sides. You thrashed your head and screamed as you tried to escape, but his cheek was pressed between your shoulder blades, tucked safely away from your efforts of fracturing his nose with the back of your skull.

“It’s okay, Y/N,” he grunted, arms tense as he squeezed you tighter. “We’re gonna fix this. You’re okay, sweetheart.”

“Dean, I still...can’t...she’s too strong,” Sam grumbled.

You continued struggling while you gripped the blade with every bit of strength you had. As you fought the boys, you spotted a young man in a tan jacket walking toward you who had seemingly appeared out of nowhere. He looked vaguely familiar and you surged toward him out of instinct, knowing he was a greater threat than the men holding you.

His hair was side swept, with a few of the sandy colored strands grazing his forehead. His eyebrows were drawn together over soft eyes, brimming with an array of emotions. The boy raised his hand in greeting, smiling in relief as if he’d managed to find a long lost family member. 

“Hello, Y/N... We’re going to help you. I promise. Sam and Dean will find a way to fix this.”

“Do it, Jack!”

“Any time now, kid.”

The boys shouted in unison and you paused for a fraction of a second as another series of memories flooded you. Before you could make sense of them, Jack reached out and pressed two fingers to your forehead.

Your knees buckled and your eyes fluttered closed as you slipped into unconsciousness.

CarryOnCap Crew (Forevers):

@abswritesfandoms​  @amanda-teaches​  @cosicas-cuquis​  @crist1216​  @droidyouseek​  @emoryhemsworth​  @ericaprice2008​  @flawless-disaster​  @janeyboo​  @jenn0755​  @ksgeekgirl​  @maresmiley​  @memyselfandmaddox​  @notyourtypicalrose​  @randomparanoid​  @rynabarnesrogers​  @sandlee44​  @scarletsoldierrr​  @shann-the-artist-moon​  @sheerioasteroidpanda​  @shynara51​  @someday-when-you-leave-me​ @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan​  @thisismysecrethappyplace​  @torntaltos​  @waywardbaby​  @waywardrose13​  @weebid​  @whimsicalrobots​  @wintersoldierbaby​  @wintersoldierissucharide  @yesfanficsaremylife​

Cap’s SPN Crew:

@adoptdontshoppets​  @akshi8278​  @alexwinchester23​  @bi-danvers0​  @deangirl7695​  @dean-winchesters-bacon​  @fandomoniumflurry​  @pisces-cutie​  @supernaturalenchanted​  @superromijn​  @waywardnerd67​  @x-waywardaf-x​

[cheemerthelizard]

May I request Jonathan, Jotaro, and Dio headcannons with their girlfriend? She used to not really get along with her mother, and used to get into really bad arguments, occasionally getting physical, and she would just end up forgiving her mother for everything she does right after she does it, and therefore forgives everyone who does her wrong. Whenever someone gets upset and even slightly moves she flinches, and is completely confused when someone apologizes to her.

No lie, I woke up at four in the morning, saw this in my inbox, and worked on it until eight thirty. Sometimes I can write a thousand words a minute, sometimes I can barely think of a storyline, who knows what’ll happen? To those of you waiting on yours to be done, I am working on them I promise.

Jonathan:

-You and Jojo were going into Ogre Street to find the apocrathy that sold Dio’s replacement “medicine” for Jojo’s father, when someone (not Speedwagon) comes and jumps the two of you.

-Of course, this is 1800’s England, so he jumps the girl first, since he assumes she can’t fight back.

-That was a grave mistake.

-When Jojo punched the criminal in the stomach, he started begging for mercy and apologizing profusely.

-“It’s okay, Jojo, just let him go.”

-Jojo was very confused. He hadn’t even gotten your stuff back.

-“He said he was sorry, so I forgive him. Let him go.”

-When the whole fiasco with the man who jumped you made Jojo realise that you must have been given a false perspective of when someone is actually sorry, and how much they should repent for their actions. He still made sure that any stolen belongings were returned, and then tried talking to you about realizing how sorry someone really is.

-“You see, that man was only apologizing to get out of trouble. He wasn’t sorry that it happened; he was sorry that he got caught.”

-When the two of you eventually do come across Speedwagon, Jojo decides to use him as a good example of when to forgive someone.

-“See? That man was truly sorry for his actions. He made sure that none of the other men harmed us, because he wanted to repay us for his wrongdoings. That’s when you can forgive someone.”

-Obviously, it’s going to take more than these two encounters for you to break out of your habit, but that’s okay, because with Dio and his followers, you’ll have plenty of time to figure out.

Jotaro:

-You and Polnareff were cowering in fear over Alessi, who had turned you both into children.

-If it weren’t for Jotaro, both of you would have been killed.

-Once Polnareff was back to an adult, and you your regular age, both men started giving that man what he deserved: a hard beatdown.

-Of course, this made you try and pull both of them away.

-“Stop! Stop! It’s okay! I’m back now, there’s no reason to beat him up!”

-Jotaro was left dumbfounded. How could someone just let that creep get away with something like that?

-He soon realized that somewhere in your childhood, someone treated you wrong, and made you soft.

-Not that softness was a bad thing most of the time, it’s just that… to this degree? Yeah, it was a bad thing to forgive someone so easily after making you a literal child so that you would be easier to kill off and almost getting away with it.

-For that reason, he asks you to punch Alessi, just once.

-Just as he expected, you instantly say no.

-However, he insists that you give him one hard punch, just one. It’ll make you feel better.

-With as much strength as you can muster, and closed eyes, you feel your fist connect to a cheek, and sigh with relief before promptly crying.

-Poor Jotaro doesn’t know how to deal with this, so he just lets Polnareff beat up Alessi while he tries his best to comfort you.

-“I just feel awful for hurting another human being, and I never want to do that again.”

-“Hey, you did good. I’ll bet that punch hurt him at least a little bit.”

-“That’s what I’m so worried about!”

-“Nevermind, nevermind. I think it did next to nothing.”

-“Next to? So you’re saying it still hurt him?”

-Eventually, you calmed down, and Jotaro hugged you tightly, telling you that you deserved much better than for your judgement of a person to be swayed by just one apology that wasn’t even sincere.

-Just like with Jonathan, you’ll have plenty more encounters with Dio’s followers so that you’ll eventually learn not to just give someone mercy on a whim.

Dio (idk if you want part 1 or 3 so I’ll just make one that can work with both):

-One of Dio’s lower subordinates was starting to get jealous of how much attention his master was showing you, when you didn’t even do anything in the first place.

-He was planning on killing you, and making it look like an accident, so he might get some attention for his hard work.

-However, right before he had you in his grasp, you noticed him and screamed.

-It didn’t take long for Dio to find you, backed up against the wall, being cornered by his loyal follower.

-“What do you think you’re doing?!”

-The man froze, shivers sent down his spine from Dio’s voice alone.

-“Do you think, that even for a moment, I would let you even DARE to lay a hand on my (Y/N)?”

-The man gulped, knowing he was in for it.

-In an instant, Dio had his follower in his grasp, draining all of the blood from him.

-This, of course, terrified you.

-“Dio! Stop! I forgive him already! You don’t need to do this!”

-“Darling,” Dio said with a sneer, “he tried to harm you. Anyone who tries to harm you deserves nothing other than the fiery lake of Hell!”

-Once there was no blood left in his subordinate’s body, he turned back to you, breaking down in tears.

-Oh. He did not think this through.

-He decided to hold you in his arms, making you feel better. Thanks to his charisma, whenever he asked about why you were so quick to forgive others, even when they did you so much wrong, you told him everything. About your mother, about how she argued with you all the time, about the times it got physical, and every detail you could remember about the most vivid memories.

-Dio was furious. He asked why you hadn’t asked for him to get your revenge yet.

-“Same reason I begged you to show mercy to that guy.”

-Now Dio got it. You weren’t over it. You would never be over it, so long as you were human, at least.

-That’s it! He thought of the perfect way to help you. He told you to stay where you were, because he had a special surprise for you.

-When he got back, you saw a strange-looking mask in his hands.

-“This is the mask that got rid of my humanity,” Dio explained. “With even just a drop of blood, you can become like me. Then, all of your problems will be gone. Human resolve will always be flawed. I can make you more than what you are. I can let you live forever with me. I can make it so you won’t feel the need to forgive so easily.”

-His words were smooth, and very convincing. With the way he talked, who wouldn’t want to become a vampire? Plus, you did want to overcome this whole forgiveness issue, and you did want to live with Dio forever. You instantly agreed, and Dio gave you a smile.

-“I just want you to know, it hurts at first, okay dear? But the pain quickly subsides, and it’s very much worth it.”

-When you put the mask on your face, Dio cuts open his skin with his long fingernails and uses some of his blood to smear. Just like he said, it hurt at first. The pain was almost unbearable. But, soon after, you felt nothing. No, literally nothing. Not even the floor. You were completely numb, almost as if you were dead. Then, starting from your face, you felt an incredible amount of power seeping through your veins, allowing you to stand back up with ease. You removed the mask from your face, feeling the brush of your new fangs against your lips. He had done it. You were a vampire now. None of your human-like setbacks bothered you anymore, and you had Dio to thank.

-“Now, darling, how about that revenge on your mother?”

-“I’d gladly appreciate it.”

[novadreii]

my thoughts on castlevania s4 SPOILERS obviously

wow, i was actually impressed with hector for once. he collected the last wit about him to turn his situation around and take his balls out of lenore’s hands back into his pants. i thought he would go sicko mode on her and feared it getting a little revenge misogynistic, but i was pleasantly surprised at how civilized it was between them up until the end.

lenore was a little useless, wasn’t she? i half expected her to go, “you know what? fuck diplomacy” and just go mach 1 on everyone. eh.

isaac, oh. isaac. my favorite secondary character. wanders the desert conquesting, killing and raising the dead which made him realize things. he realized so much he marched right into carmilla’s castle while her beserker and army were away and owned her ass. good for him.

carmilla. oh, carmilla. tied with isaac for my favorite. so determined and single-minded that she sent away all her forces while she schemed in her fortress. she depended too hard on her partners doing all the work for her, and as a result she wasn’t much of a thinker, just a bloody, murdery doer. for example, she didn’t think that there were other formidable forces in the world that may want to impede her whole world domination plan? did she forget about isaac, out in the world rogue forgemastering? that was a threat she should have checked on before going global. she got too greedy, too quickly, and she paid the ultimate price for it. she went out like a fucking boss though, and i was pleased with her arc overall. as far as villains go, her raison d’etre was relatable and hard to argue with. 

the dialogue style is both one of my favorite parts of the show but also at times a pain point for me. when it’s good, it’s relaxed, comfortable and realistic and the characters play off each other really well with it (like quipping back and forth during battle which i normally hate but works well here). when it’s bad, it’s a little cringe. some dialogue scenes went on wayyyyy too long while the characters repeated things they’d literally just said verbatim, which is awkward af in screenwriting. i.e. Isaac telling Hector twice in the space of 30 seconds “Dracula earned his rest.” which is odd because impactful phrases like this usually are not repeated so as not to, yknow, dilute their impact. Also Carmilla waxing spiteful about “evil old men” and repeating some variation of the phrase 15 times in one scene. lastly, the liberal sprinkling of the word “fuck” in every other line is also like, mostly welcome but once or twice just sounded silly given the context of the scene. i’m nitpicking, here.

saint-germain. Idk much about his woman, but she definitely seemed worth slaughtering a village and raising dracula from the dead for. violent and hot as fuck, she never uttered a single word which i want to think is indicative of something but what? did we ever figure out why she kept eluding him via dimension-jumping? imagine she was trying to get away from him all this time lol. yikes.

the smartest people in this whole show are the vampire lesbians who peace tf out immediately when they see their castle is under siege and figure out carmilla is dead. LOL at them assuming useless lenore is dead too (bc, she’s useless) and just leaving her there. they packed their shit up, moved out west, presumably to build a lover’s stronghold where they could just be in vampire love forever. GOOD FOR THEM.

trevor: continued to drunkenly yell Fuck while being masterfully proficient immediately at any weapon he picks up, though eventually always ending up using his fists like the brawler he is.

sypha: if she met the avatar, she'd be like “lmao, you can ‘bend’ the elements, huh? i can use them in ways that would make your skin crawl and your head explode to even think about. sit the fuck down.”

alucard: adorable himbo with a heart of gold, needs a tough as nails gf to jerk him out of his moods and organize his kitchen for him. another round of good for him. i was a little scared they would kill off his gf but that would have been unimaginably cruel considering what he went through in s3. alucard had imo the best/most stylish fight sequences of the season. and they know what we’re about, since he was shirtless or at least in a very deep V cut most of the time. thank you.

i had 2 major predictions for this season going into it: trevor would die (permanently), and sypha would have a kid/get pregnant. i was 75% on the money.

i liked the ending message of why humans win these wars against vampires despite being slow meatbags compared to them. the vampires’ fatal flaw is resistance to change, provoked by their immortality, arrogance, and insatiable desire for power in order to provide themselves long term stability in the world. whereas humanity’s best trait is the polar opposite: adaptability. throughout history, the ability to adapt has been proven to be the determining factor in a species’ survival. vampires, for all their god-like strengths, prove to be no exception to this rule. alucard, with his human heart, is the only one with vampire blood who has proven he can make major changes and overcome personal prejudices to live a better life.

And my final thoughts on the ending are: everyone major got a satisfying end to their arc. BUT. it was just too happy. either trevor should have stayed dead, OR dracula and lisa should have gone back to hell. but not both. having everyone come back to life and go on to skip in fields just seems contrary to the tone and messaging of the whole show, which is pretty high up on the edginess scale.

i love a bittersweet ending in general, so i’m biased. imo, the joy of a mostly good ending is rendered all that much sweeter by reflecting on what was lost to obtain it. imagine:

alternate ending 1: trevor comes back, the gang lives happily ever after at Belmont Village or wtvr they name it, BUT. we see alucard lost in thought thinking about his parents, how he saw a flash of their souls during the penultimate battle. there’s regret there, the regret of shit left unsaid and shitty family dynamics unsolved. we cut immediately back to hell, with lisa and dracula embracing, maybe whispering a few lines of doomed lovers dialogue and something about their son. they’re in hell, but ultimately, they’re together. cut back to alucard, yanked out of his sad thoughts by his pretty gf who won’t let him get too deep in the weeds. shot pans out of them together with the gang. the end.

alternate ending 2: trevor is DEAD dead. sypha stays with alucard and the gang at belmont farms and raises her kid. maybe we get a 2 year timeskip and we see the little shit have some of his dad in him/her. sypha is sad about trevor but doesn’t mope about it. she runs that town like it’s a business. alucard is the best uncle to that kid & the orphans they could ask for. everyone gets trained in ass-kicking next door at the belmont hold. lisa and dracula are miraculously alive through whatever convoluted bs makes it work, and contemplate one day moving back to see their son. dracula has a moment to realize that his family is mostly human, and what he loves in them he can learn to tolerate from all of humanity.

don’t those feel happy but just. TINGED. with just enough sadness to be more memorable? idk i may just be a masochist.

i haven’t mentioned the technical aspects such as animation and direction because they were amazing. really, really incredible animation that is going to be hard to follow up (and netflix is going to make copycats of this formula, you bet your ass they will). where cgi was used, it was excellent and barely detectable, really well integrated with 2d. so engaging to watch.

overall: 9/10

[atomic-taco-muffin]

The Lost Princess Chapter 27

Warnings: idk. You decide

Rating: SFW

You and the group entered Halloween Town. Once there, the four of you were clothed in scary-looking outfits, and Goofy noticed the scary scenery in the area. You became scared of how scary everything looked. 

“Gawrsh! Don't like the looks of this place. I bet it's crawlin' with ghosts!” Goofy said. 

“Neither do I. And don’t mention ghosts. They freak me out,” you said.

“Aw, phooey! There's nothin' to worry about. You won't be spooked if you already know what's coming! Not even real ghosts can frighten us anymore. If they take one look at us, THEY'd be the ones to run away!” Donald said. 

“You really think so?” Goofy asked. 

“Trust me!” Donald walked toward the green fountain, and Jack Skellington popped out of it. You screamed and hid behind Sora.

“Welcome to Halloween Town!” Jack said. 

“Waaak!” Donald screamed as he fell on his back. 

“A ghost!” you and Donald said. Sora and Goofy prepared for battle. 

“Wow, those are the best shrieks I've heard in ages! If you two are THAT easy to scare, we're gonna have a great time! Sorry, I haven't even introduced myself. I'm Jack Skellington! And this is Halloween Town. People around here call me the Pumpkin King! So if you're lookin' for a ghoulishly good time, you've come to the right place,” Jack said. 

“Well, we aren't!” Donald said angrily as he jumped up and down.

“Too bad, because at the moment, we've got a bit of a problem in Halloween Town.” 

“What kind of problem?” Sora asked. 

“Well...” Just then, several Shadow Heartless surrounded you all.

“Like this!” Jack said. You and the trio quickly took care of the heartless. 

“What's the big idea! Why'd you go and call the Heartless?” Donald said to Jack.

“I didn't call them. I just knew when they were going to show up. In fact, I'd love to get rid of them. They actually go around attacking people, instead of just scaring them,” Jack said. 

“Why are they here?” you asked as you tried to stood close to Sora. 

“I was just going to go ask Dr. Finkelstein the same question. I'm heading to his laboratory right now. Follow me!” Jack said as he left. 

“Sora, what should we do?” you asked. 

“I guess we'd better go,” Sora said. 

“I don't like this. What if he's leading us right to the Heartless?” Donald said. Jack suddenly reappeared.

“Bingo!” he said. You screamed again and clung to Sora. 

“Waaak!” Donald screamed and fell down again.

“Ha ha ha, I'm just kidding! Now let's get going,” Jack said. Jack started to leave. You, Sora and co. followed him. You, Sora, Donald, Goofy, and Jack entered Dr. Finkelstein's lab. Dr. Finkelstein was in his wheelchair reading a large book.

“Allow me to introduce Dr. Finkelstein! He's a world-famous genius!” Jack said. 

“Yes! Maybe I'm TOO smart. I'm afraid I've created something horrible!” Finkelstein said.

“What's that?” Donald asked. 

“Well... Have you ever stopped to think about the power of ‘true memories’?” Finkelstein said.

“True memories?!” you and Sora asked. 

“You see me children, our hearts are full of memories---but not all of them reflect the truth. The heart isn't a recording device. Even important memories change with time. They warp or fade, leaving us with but a shadow of what we hoped to remember,” Finkelstein said.

“Could that be happening to us?” you asked. 

“It happens to everyone. Some memories grow ugly, and some become more beautiful. If we could recover our true memories, the world would seem completely different. So, I devised a potion from forget-me-nots that brings our true memories back.” 

“Did it work?” Sora asked.

“Well, that's the problem...” 

“As soon as the doctor got a whiff of the potion, Heartless started popping up!” Jack said. 

“Sounds like a failed experiment to me,” Donald said. 

“No! My research is flawless! I just need another look at the potion to find out what went wrong!” Finkelstein said. The doctor moved his wheelchair over to a tube containing green liquid. He opened the top of his head to scratch his brain and you cringed at the sight.

“Unfortunately...it's vanished,” Finkelstein said as he closed his head.

“Maybe someone swiped it?” Sora asked. 

“It must've been Sally! Jack, you've got to find her and get my potion back.” 

“Leave it to me!” Jack said. 

“Can we tag along?” Sora asked. 

“What for?” 

“I want to know more about these ‘true memories’ the doctor keeps talking about.”

“Excellent! Then let's go find Sally!” You all left the laboratory to go find this Sally person. You, Sora, Donald, Goofy, and Jack found Sally in the cemetery.

“There you are, Sally. I thought I'd find you here,” Jack said. 

“Who are your friends?” Sally asked. 

“They're interested in true memories. You have the potion, don't you?” 

“Well...yes.” She took the potion from a pocket in her dress.

“Could you give it back?” Jack said. 

“I guess so, if you insist. But...I'm afraid. All the Doctor did was smell it, and the Heartless appeared. What if someone drinks it?” Sally said. 

“Are you kidding? What could be more exciting?” 

“I'm worried, Jack. Isn't there another option?” 

“Any ideas, Jack?” you asked.

“I can't think of a thing,” Jack said. 

“I can! Give it here!” someone said. Suddenly, Oogie Boogie appeared behind Sally, attacked her, knocking her away, and grabbed the potion.

“Oh no! The potion!” she said. You and Sora's group readied your weapons.

“Oogie! You again!” Jack said. 

“Jack, where are your manners? I'm just helping you put the potion to good use! You should thank me! Well, well. Just one sniff, and the Heartless appeared. What would happen if I chugged the whole thing? THAT would be scary! Poor Jack! You can't hold a candle to Oogie Boogie. Time for Halloween Town to taste pain and despair beyond any nightmare!” Oogie said. 

“Pain and despair? Oogie, you monster!” Oogie ran away with the potion. 

“C'mon, Jack! We've gotta go after him!” you said. The five of you ran after Oogie. you, Sora and co. chased Oogie Boogie into his lair. As you all entered, the gates closed behind you.

“Oogie! Hand over the potion!” Jack said. 

“You fools don't know when to quit! Say...all this running around is making me thirsty!” Oogie said. 

“Oogie! No!” 

“Yes!” Oogie took out the potion, uncorked it with his mouth, and drank the entire thing.

“Oh, no...” you an Sora said.

“Ahh! Lip-smacking good!” Oogie said. All of a sudden, he started shaking. 

“Agh! What's this? What... Something's wrong! Something deep inside me. Something...scary!” he said.

“Oogie! What's going on?” Jack said.

“No! Get back! Stay away from me!” Oogie coward. You and the trio fought and defeated Oogie. Later at Dr. Finkelstein's laboratory, you, Sora, Donald, Goofy, Jack, and Sally met with the Doctor.

“Confound that Oogie Boogie! He drank nearly all of my precious potion! There are only a few drops left!” Finkelstein said. 

“Sora, (Y/N), why don't you ask the doc if you can drink the rest?” Goofy asked. 

“No. We'd better not,” Sora said. 

“I agree,” you said. 

“What, don't you want it? Too bad. It would've been a great experiment,” Finkelstein said. 

“Now, Doctor...” Sally said. 

“Don't you want to find out about your true memories?” Jack asked you and Sora.

“Of course---now more than ever. But there's this guy---Axel. We promised him we'd find the truth on our own,” you said. 

“I just don't understand. When I inhaled the potion, Heartless appeared--- ...and when Oogie drank it, he was overcome with fear. What could it mean?” Finkelstein said. 

“It means the potion was a failure,” Sally said. 

“No! I can't be wrong! Oogie MUST have found his true memories! Hmm... True memories must unbalance the heart--- ...and cause unpredictable changes within!” 

“Then...what about us? What happens when our true memories awaken?” Sora asked. 

“Perhaps something even more terrifying... But this is all just a hypothesis. I can't be sure without further research.” 

“What's wrong, (Y/N)? Does the doctor's theory scare you?” Jack asked. 

“Well, yeah---a little,” you said. 

“Same here,” Sora said. 

“That's good to hear! Fear and doubt are signs of a strong heart. They push your heart, strike out in new directions, take chances! Without them, your zest for life might fade... ...as would your taste for fear. And believe me, that would really ruin my fun.” 

“Thanks, Jack. I'll remember that,” Sora said. 

“Then good luck, everyone! May you always enjoy being frightened!” You and the trio left the lab, and then Halloween Town. You and gang entered the Third Floor Exit Hall.

“Aw... I hope the king is gonna be okay...” Donald said. 

“Why bring that up?” you asked. 

“I had to be sure that I hadn't forgotten him.”

“How'd that go for ya?” Goofy asked. 

“Good! I remembered---we're on a quest to find the king.” 

“I remember that too. The king helped save everything by staying on the other side of the door to darkness. I think...” 

“You got it, Goofy!” 

“And me and (Y/N)--- We’re looking for Riku. He was with the king when the door closed. Hm. I guess there's no way we'll forget the most important memories,” Sora said. 

“That's good. 'Cause I don't want to forget...” Donald said. 

“Neither do I. I may not know who my mother was but I don’t want to forget her. It’s like she’s a part of me,” you said. 

“Well, you do have her powers and her dagger,” Goofy said. 

“That’s true. I hope I find her soon.” You and the trio leave the Exit Hall. Meanwhile, in another room inside the castle, Axel and a woman wearing a similar black coat were standing near a crystal ball.

“You seem pretty intrigued by this Sora and (Y/N) kid,” Larxene said. (QUEEN!)

“Are you telling me you're not, Larxene?” Axel asked. Larxene giggled. 

“Haven't decided yet... I think what intrigues me more is what you see in them,” she said. 

“There was a time he became a Heartless. And if one becomes a Heartless---” Axel said. 

“They lose their minds and their feelings... They're consumed by the darkness.” 

“Right. But not Sora. He held on to his feelings, even as a Heartless. And there's only one other man who's been able to do just that.” 

“It's the strength of his heart... That's what interests you. Why the Keyblade chose Sora's heart. But that doesn’t explain that spirit.”

“To unlock the mysteries of the heart. Isn't that the Organization's mission?” Larxene snickered. You, Sora, Donald, and Goofy entered the Fourth Floor.

“Hey, I wonder if there's anything we've forgotten...” Donald said. 

“Hmm... If we did, what would it have been?” Goofy asked. The two fo them thought for a moment. 

“I can't think of anything, so maybe that means that I really am losing my memories,” Goofy said. Donald looked sad.

“But whatever they were, they couldn't have been very important memories, right?” Goofy asked. 

“Right, or else I don't think you would have forgotten it,” you said. You and Sora took out the seashell charms that Kairi gave to you.

“Look,” Sora said. 

“What is it?” Donald asked. 

“A good luck charm Kairi gave us. It's special to her, so we promised that we would return it. I'll never forget making that promise. It's why we could never forget Kairi,” you said. 

“I’ll never forget it too,” Sora said. Donald and Goofy nodded.

“Are we right, Kairi?” Sora asked. You and Sora saw an image of Kairi in your heads. The three of you smiles at each other. Then a girl wearing a white dress appeared behind you two.

“Huh?!” you and Sora asked. You and Sora looked back but the girl disappeared.

“Oh... Do we know...that girl?” Sora asked. 

“I...have no idea,” you said.

“Hey, Sora, (Y/N). Where did you two go?”

“Sorry. Never mind,” Sora said. 

“We better keep goin'” Goofy said. You and Sora held up the next card at the Fourth Floor world entrance, and entered to the next world.

[cheemers-writing-archive]

Jonathan, Jotaro, and Dio Headcanons for a S/O who forgives too easily

Jonathan:

-You and Jojo were going into Ogre Street to find the apocrathy that sold Dio’s replacement “medicine” for Jojo’s father, when someone (not Speedwagon) comes and jumps the two of you.

-Of course, this is 1800’s England, so he jumps the girl first, since he assumes she can’t fight back.

-That was a grave mistake.

-When Jojo punched the criminal in the stomach, he started begging for mercy and apologizing profusely.

-“It’s okay, Jojo, just let him go.”

-Jojo was very confused. He hadn’t even gotten your stuff back.

-“He said he was sorry, so I forgive him. Let him go.”

-When the whole fiasco with the man who jumped you made Jojo realise that you must have been given a false perspective of when someone is actually sorry, and how much they should repent for their actions. He still made sure that any stolen belongings were returned, and then tried talking to you about realizing how sorry someone really is.

-“You see, that man was only apologizing to get out of trouble. He wasn’t sorry that it happened; he was sorry that he got caught.”

-When the two of you eventually do come across Speedwagon, Jojo decides to use him as a good example of when to forgive someone.

-“See? That man was truly sorry for his actions. He made sure that none of the other men harmed us, because he wanted to repay us for his wrongdoings. That’s when you can forgive someone.”

-Obviously, it’s going to take more than these two encounters for you to break out of your habit, but that’s okay, because with Dio and his followers, you’ll have plenty of time to figure out.

Jotaro:

-You and Polnareff were cowering in fear over Alessi, who had turned you both into children.

-If it weren’t for Jotaro, both of you would have been killed.

-Once Polnareff was back to an adult, and you your regular age, both men started giving that man what he deserved: a hard beatdown.

-Of course, this made you try and pull both of them away.

-“Stop! Stop! It’s okay! I’m back now, there’s no reason to beat him up!”

-Jotaro was left dumbfounded. How could someone just let that creep get away with something like that?

-He soon realized that somewhere in your childhood, someone treated you wrong, and made you soft.

-Not that softness was a bad thing most of the time, it’s just that… to this degree? Yeah, it was a bad thing to forgive someone so easily after making you a literal so that you would be easier to kill off and almost getting away with it.

-For that reason, he asks you to punch Alessi, just once.

-Just as he expected, you instantly say no.

-However, he insists that you give him one hard punch, just one. It’ll make you feel better.

-With as much strength as you can muster, and closed eyes, you feel your fist connect to a cheek, and sigh with relief before promptly crying.

-Poor Jotaro doesn’t know how to deal with this, so he just lets Polnareff beat up Alessi while he tries his best to comfort you.

-“I just feel awful for hurting another human being, and I never want to do that again.”

-“Hey, you did good. I’ll bet that punch hurt him at least a little bit.”

-“That’s what I’m so worried about!”

-“Nevermind, nevermind. I think it did next to nothing.”

-“Next to? So you’re saying it still hurt him?”

-Eventually, you calmed down, and Jotaro hugged you tightly, telling you that you deserved much better than for your judgement of a person to be swayed by just one apology that wasn’t even sincere.

-Just like with Jonathan, you’ll have plenty more encounters with Dio’s followers so that you’ll eventually learn not to just give someone mercy on a whim.

Dio (idk if you want part 1 or 3 so I’ll just make one that can work with both):

-One of Dio’s lower subordinates was starting to get jealous of how much attention his master was showing you, when you didn’t even do anything in the first place.

-He was planning on killing you, and making it look like an accident, so he might get some attention for his hard work.

-However, right before he had you in his grasp, you noticed him and screamed.

-It didn’t take long for Dio to find you, backed up against the wall, being cornered by his loyal follower.

-“What do you think you’re doing?!”

-The man froze, shivers sent down his spine from Dio’s voice alone.

-“Do you think, that even for a moment, I would let you even DARE to lay a hand on my (Y/N)?”

-The man gulped, knowing he was in for it.

-In an instant, Dio had his follower in his grasp, draining all of the blood from him.

-This, of course, terrified you.

-“Dio! Stop! I forgive him already! You don’t need to do this!”

-“Darling,” Dio said with a sneer, “he tried to harm you. Anyone who tries to harm you deserves nothing other than the fiery lake of Hell!”

-Once there was no blood left in his subordinate’s body, he turned back to you, breaking down in tears.

-Oh. He did not think this through.

-He decided to hold you in his arms, making you feel better. Thanks to his charisma, whenever he asked about why you were so quick to forgive others, even when they did you so much wrong, you told him everything. About your mother, about how she argued with you all the time, about the times it got physical, and every detail you could remember about the most vivid memories.

-Dio was furious. He asked why you hadn’t asked for him to get your revenge yet.

-“Same reason I begged you to show mercy to that guy.”

-Now Dio got it. You weren’t over it. You would never be over it, so long as you were human, at least.

-That’s it! He thought of the perfect way to help you. He told you to stay where you were, because he had a special surprise for you.

-When he got back, you saw a strange-looking mask in his hands.

-“This is the mask that got rid of my humanity,” Dio explained. “With even just a drop of blood, you can become like me. Then, all of your problems will be gone. Human resolve will always be flawed. I can make you more than what you are. I can let you live forever with me. I can make it so you won’t feel the need to forgive so easily.”

-His words were smooth, and very convincing. With the way he talked, who wouldn’t want to become a vampire? Plus, you did want to overcome this whole forgiveness issue, and you did want to live with Dio forever. You instantly agreed, and Dio gave you a smile.

-“I just want you to know, it hurts at first, okay dear? But the pain quickly subsides, and it’s very much worth it.”

-When you put the mask on your face, Dio cuts open his skin with his long fingernails and uses some of his blood to smear. Just like he said, it hurt at first. The pain was almost unbearable. But, soon after, you felt nothing. No, literally nothing. Not even the floor. You were completely numb, almost as if you were dead. Then, starting from your face, you felt an incredible amount of power seeping through your veins, allowing you to stand back up with ease. You removed the mask from your face, feeling the brush of your new fangs against your lips. He had done it. You were a vampire now. None of your human-like setbacks bothered you anymore, and you had Dio to thank.

-“Now, darling, how about that revenge on your mother?”

-“I’d gladly appreciate it.”

[lizparkcr]

ok so im trying to avoid having emotions about the shitshow that is the local elections so i dont yknow breakdown and ive been meaning to make a post for ages abt muriel’s route i have so many thoughts. obvious spoilers ahead not that i have more than like 2 followers who play arcana game

firstly....i was kinda underwhelmed with the second half/ending of his route. disclaimer i haven’t replayed it and haven’t got the reversed ending, only upright, and my memory sucks and i played it a while ago. SO, things that I....don’t understand:

1. SUCH a massive deal is made out of muriel (and MC) having to learn to fight, the plot literally hinges on it, only for it to swing off the plot all together into oblivion and for the final showdown to be....a series of literal games.* And I wouldn’t disagree with this as an ending tbh!!!! I think it’s fucking great actually -- a non-violent resolution to further signify Muriel’s journey from violence and isolation to peace and fun and family, and tbh sort of a massive fuck you to lucio; LITERALLY RETURNING to the coliseum only to BEAT Lucio WITHOUT returning to the violence that lucio forced on him, turning it into a place of actual joy. Like fuck!!  BUT with the whole first part it just doesn’t fucking fit lmao? Muriel could have faced his demons in the beginning without learning to fight at all, he still could have had that journey. Morga could have just traveled with them right? Or even better he could have refused to fight and then the ending would have been even better. We could have had a moment of Morga acknowledging their strength??? Acknowledging their non-violent victory WITH PRIDE??? Bringing her to reflect on her choices as a mother and a leader??? Devs why couldn’t we have had that :(  I may be remembering wrong but the apparent necessity of Morga teaching them to fight is the biggest source of tension for at least a book. It’s the reason for his first kiss with the MC!  Also yeah speaking of tension with Morga 

2. SUCH a big deal is made out of morga becoming/reflecting as (?) a mother figure to muriel (which in itself is a very bold way to go story-wise)....only for her to be killed off. Again, I don’t disagree with this decision, I like her but story-wise it could fit. But I can’t help feel like it was really premature. This is something I feel all routes suffer from, and perhaps I am expecting too much from a game that can be played for free very easily, but every single route has pacing problems, none more than Muriel’s imo. Considering the maternal aspect of Morga (for both her and Muriel!) is sooooo fucking loaded and intense like, you cannot drop that and then kill her and not really mention her for the rest of the story. Her “ghost” made an appearance sometime later and a few sentences were said and that was it. Her and Muriel’s past was so brushed over  and idk clearly they didn’t have the time or money or whatever to develop it which is a real shame. Their journeys could have run parallel or gone in opposite directions literally anything but Morga dying in a moment of weakness from a cheap trick by lucio :/ bc YEAH like that was not actually weakness but certainly what morga considers weakness!!! that mistake could have split her away from muriel+MC entirely OR brought them closer together. she could have been disgusted with herself and decided once and for all to let go of lucio as a son and go her own way to destroy him, or she could have woken up to what she can do differently now and work with Muriel and co and let go of lucio that way. idk man it was just a waste

Right then....onto the romance. or. lack of :( this is completely subjective, I know some people were v happy with it but like, this could not have been a drier route and im so fucking sad about it. There were definitely some sweet moments, but that was sort of it for me. I get what they were going for, but it’s personally sad to me that Muriel’s contentedness seems to have come at the expense of sensual intimacy/tension. like there was just absolutely no spice whatsoever. I saw someone describe the MC relationship as basically platonic and...yeah. Very little intimacy that wasn’t like, cuddling or holding hands, which since there wasn’t much to build on anyway just came across as nice but unexciting. It felt like it became too easy and too normal too quickly?  Naturally touch was such a precious and important thing in the beginning as Muriel was learning to trust, but that just did not get explored imo. The first kiss wasn’t...the worst, but it was sort of OOC to me. They could have got so deep with that first kiss -- the opportunity, the trust, the choice. “Happy accident” scenarios can be great and definitely could have worked for his story, but for the first kiss i was like oh ok we’re here now?? and..muriel’s ok with that considering we were just uhh sobbing about his forced servitude and violence?? idk how i haven’t mentioned it yet but the way the tone was all over the fucking shop in that book gave me serious whiplash. Anyway  it’s so disappointing bc c’monnnnn this whole relationship is brand new to BOTH mc and muriel.  At the start every touch is a small turning point and i think they did that so well, you feel excited at the development and where it will go, but then it’s like “ok well we’re together now so everything is easy and breezy”. you can create emotional tension (the good kind) through touch EVEN if they’re both ace. which the MC is not bc its the self insert character so. yeah. i feel like im probably being a bit harsh in retrospect but this is what has stuck with me. 

This leads me to Muriel himself, and what to me was the biggest opportunity to do blow everyone’s minds bc he was SUCH a mystery before his route. Dark and brooding but shy and caring, anti-social through anxiety and fear but lonely, his reluctant but consistent support of Asra and his friends. And that was all teased in the beginning! ....and then completely fell flat. Similar to my first point: they had some deep emotional development going, Muriel literally coming face to face with the past he never knew, and the past he wishes he could forget, learning to actually be around people, learning to trust people (and ngl i fucking loved the beginning stages with MC so much), and overcoming his anxiety and pessimism. He and MC literally travel together alone for weeks. WEEKS! And much of that is skipped by. We have big emotional scenes but not much in between. And then...and yknow im not sure where it changes...after khamgalai dies? (and dont get me started on that what the fuck was the point of THAT?) after MC goes to the arcane realms? I can’t remember but at some point it’s like...all tension is gone lmao. Including tension between MC and Muriel, and he becomes quite two dimensional. It was just rushed.  Vesuvia is in ruins, Nadia and co chased out of the palace, Lucio taking control etc but like...it doesn’t feel like it matters? Im really not saying that his route has to be all doom and gloom at all but don’t MAKE it doom and gloom and then do a 180 yknow? I remember Julian’s route in particular being so fucking tense, even though I knew I got the upright ending, that dinner scene was...phew. (and i do get that naturally the first 3 routes are bound to be a more exciting experience bc i was less familiar w the game etc but still, there was just 0 tension). 

im not even gonna talk about the MC’s past reveal bc i have issues with it in every route so whatever 

so yeah i love muriel and i still like the arcana but it’s writing and pacing is just so inconsistent and it makes me sad. I will continue to fanon Muriel’s route to death. 

*It’s occurred to me that the reversed ending may be more violent and actually fit with where the story seemed to be going in the start, but I stand by the opinion that it doesn’t matter because it still doesn’t make sense. I shouldn’t have to play the reverse ending to be like “oh ok that was the point of that” bc it should make sense and serve purpose in both endings, which i dont think it does.

[khaleesiofalicante]

Hey Dani! I visit your blog once in a while and I’ve seen you give really good advice and I was hoping you would offer some of your wisdom to me (or you could ahead and ignore everything and write about Alec drinking a milkshake, if that’s what you prefer. No judgment). How do you cope with insecurities? It’s a big problem for me and I try my best to love myself but I’m in dire need for advice (I’ve asked 6 other people!! I need help!). Thanks ❤️

Hey, bub!

I am sorry this one took a while to answer. I was not in a headspace to give advice. 

Hmmm. Let’s see, insecurities huh? 

Now some might not agree with this, but in my opinion, you can never permanently get rid of insecurities. Even if you do, you always find something new to obsess over. If you are finally over your insecurities about your job, then suddenly you would start to feel insecure about your personal relationships. My point is, it is something we do because it’s a part of who we are as human beings. We like to worry about things and we like to fix things - because it makes us feel normal and motivated, as if there is something to be constantly achieved.

Because if everyone was perfectly happy with everything they have and who they are, they would have no motivation to do or be better. So, we keep fixating on what’s wrong with us instead of what’s right. 

You know these asks games on tumblr that say ‘tell me five things you like about yourself’? - Many of us find that incredibly hard to do. That’s because we are used to thinking about things we don’t like about ourselves instead of thinking about things we do like about ourselves. We obsess over thoughts such as ‘how do I make this better?’ or ‘why am I not better at this than that person?’ instead of obsessing over thoughts such as ‘yikes I am so much better than I was last year’ or ‘maybe this is just not my thing I wonder what else I can try’. 

When it comes to dealing with insecurities, in my experience, here are some things that might help: 

Rule number one is to admit them. The more you deny it and pretend like it doesn’t exist, the harder it is to understand them or overcome them. 

Rule number two is to choose what you can and cannot fix. Like I said, there are things that you cannot change about yourself, no matter how hard you try and then there are things that you can change if you are willing to work hard at it. So, pick insecurities that you can actually work on. Be realistic with your goals. It’s okay to give up on certain things and accept that they are forever going to be shitty. Stop beating yourself up about it and focus on what you can change. Instead of trying to fix something that will only make you feel disappointed, try to fix something that might at least make you feel better for giving it a shot. It could something small like completing a course online or getting or a job or losing a couple of pounds or reaching out to an old friend - pick insecurities you can turn into strengths. The others that you can’t change and that cannot be fixed? Fuck ‘em. 

Rule number three is to focus on yourself. One of the biggest reasons why people find it difficult to get over their insecurities is because even if we accept ourselves and make peace with ourselves - the people around are never on the same page. They might keep pointing these out, which might make it so much harder to work on your personal progress. In this case, there are two things I do. First, everytime someone says something negative about me (something that is not constructive criticism) I pity them instead of pitying myself. For example, I have an aunt who always make comments about my skin colour. Before, when I was a teenager, whenever she commented on my skin color, I would think ‘oh god, i need to make myself fair or why can’t I be fair like the other girls etc’ but now my thoughts are something like ‘we are from south asia and my parents are hella brown and I am supposed to be brown too how the fuck am I supposed to be miraculously white you ignorant imbecile?’ 

That little rant brings me to my second point, don’t feel about pointing out when people make you feel horrible about myself. For example, my sisters are much fairer than me (idk what’s the obsession with skin color smh) and they always make comments but my dark skin. So, now everytime they make a comment, they get a rant about the consequences of bullying on self-esteem and the unfair gender expectations in terms of skin colour and attractiveness. Now my sisters don’t make these comments anymore. I am not sure if my rants actually made sense to them or they just don’t want to listen my lectures again. My point is, don’t ever let anyone make you feel bad about yourself. We do enough of that to ourselves, there is no need for others to make it worse. While you can take your time to work on your insecurities and get better control of your negative thoughts, do not wait too long to ask other people to shut the hell up. Your insecurities belong to you and you fix them or live with them or do whatever you want as you see fit. No one else should tell you what to do. 

I hope this makes sense. I hope I didn’t overwhelm you. In essence, admit your fears, pick your battles and don’t let anyone tell you what to do. The only person who is worth all your time, effort and love - is yourself. So, make sure you give yourself all the time and effort and love you need. Do it how you see fit. I hope you figure it out. Good luck. Dani x. 

PS - Alec pretends like he is above milkshakes because he is ‘not seven’ but the barista at Java Jones knows otherwise ;)

[jaz-wegott]

The Recruit (1/?)

A/N: I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m rusty but this has been in my head...Idk if anyone will read it...but yea enjoy...or don’t lol. Just be nice cuz I’m sensitive about my shit

A heavy sigh escaped my lips, bordering the line of becoming a full fledged groan as my back was once again slammed into the padded floor of the training room. My body begged me to stay down, to humbly accept the defeat that seemed to be destined for me. Possibly foolishly, I lifted myself from the ground without an ounce of grace. With a shaky breath, I willed myself not to burst into tears as I composed myself back into a fighting stance. 

You would have thought that my persistence would grant me some type of mercy or even approval from my trainer. But seeing as though my trainer was currently more of a tormentor than an actual trainer seeing as though I hadn’t really learned anything new in the seven months of rigorous training. I had however, found myself constantly flattened on my back like a pancake. Even in non physical aspects, my answers were always wrong. But this was something I’d wanted more than anything so I couldn’t give up. At least that’s what I’d spent the last few months telling myself. I was slowly losing the will to convince myself of that.

Bucky gave me a slow disapproving glare-- the expression that was only saved for me. As head of SHIELD’s training division, Bucky never seemed to impressed with any of us new recruits. But he was less than unimpressed by me, he was disgusted by me. At first, I’d assumed it was some messed up version of tough love, of him trying to bring out the best in me through being overly harsh. However, his biting words and icy stares had only proven that he did not believe I belonged there. He didn’t think I was good enough. 

That revelation had not struck me by surprise. It had unfortunately been a common theme in my life I was striving to overcome. Throughout my military training and my time at an ivy-league university, I had often found myself in rooms where I was the only woman of color among many white men. My cocoa pigmented skin, broad nose, and coarse, untamed hair often conveyed a message to my counterparts that I brought significantly less to the table. Many times I’d been questioned about if I only succeeded as much as I had due to affirmative action, as if I hadn’t put in three times the effort to achieve all I had. 

Bucky Barnes was from an era where black women were rarely little else other than maids or service workers. In his day being black and female was a double whammy of struggle and shame. Is that why he constantly treated me as if I had no right to be on such an elite team? Is that the reason he never showed me an ounce of mercy during our sparring sessions-- never hesitating to use his super soldier strength and enhanced metal arm to bring me to defeat? Did he believe because of my skin color that I automatically lacked the capacity to avenge evil like the rest of them?

My thoughts fueled me with brand new anger and resistance. Gritting my teeth and narrowing my mind’s focus, I uttered a simple “Again.” With a deep inhale, i summoned the strength of my ancestors, remembering how resilient they’d been, reminding myself that that same DNA flowed through my blood. I reminded myself that I was indeed good enough. I was Princeton educated, I’d served as a Lieutenant in the Air Force. I had what it took and Bucky Barnes would find out one way or another. Unfortunately, today would not be that day.

“Training’s over.” He dismissed me quickly, without so much as a second glance as he moved to pick up the equipment we’d used during this session. The rest of my teammates quickly dispersed to the locker rooms, the signs of fatigue evident as they trudged away. I however found myself unable to move as I stared angrily at the back of Bucky’s head, secretly wishing I had some sort of heat vision. 

“I believe you were dismissed, recruit.” Bucky threw over his shoulder as he continued straightening the room back. 

“Yes, but I need to speak to you.” I replied, knowing that I was treading into dangerous waters. However, I could no longer allow myself to not be given a fair shot. I’d been benched from missions because Bucky kept claiming I wasn’t ready. When I asked for extra training in order to fix whatever he felt I was lacking, I’d been swiftly denied. Even still, I’d been getting up at 4 every morning to train my damn self, pouring over tactical training books til the early morning hours. And yet, I still wasn’t good enough. 

“If it’s not regarding training, we have nothing to discuss.” Bucky responded with a clip in his tone as he finally turned to face me. 

“Well it is regarding my training.” I blurted quickly before I lost my nerve and his attention. “I have sat out for 4 missions, despite me training intensely on my own. I have asked for specific feedback from you regarding what makes me ‘not ready’ in your eyes and have received none. No matter what I have tried, it never seems to be enough for you. I am all too aware of the discrepancy between how you treat my colleagues versus how you interact with me. And I have only one question...is it because I’m black?” I rambled, knowing that I had just crossed a line that I could not quickly backpedaled behind.

I was never one to play the race card, even when it was warranted. I never wanted to be seen as someone who was quick to accuse everyone of being discriminatory. I’d seen it go awry too often. But, I was at a loss for what else to say. Combined with the fact that Bucky tended to make me nervous and having his full undivided attention only amplified that, I found I no longer had control of my mouth. 

My words seemed to catch Bucky by surprise as bewilderment shown in his arctic blue eyes. His mouth attempted to form words for several minutes, his lips opening and closing several times as he sputtered without sound. He almost looked like a deer in headlights, giving him a much sweeter appearance than I was used to. In this light, he was almost attractive--even if he did hate my guts. 

“No. Absolutely not.” Bucky finally managed to choke out with a conviction that sounded completely authentic. Though I was relieved to know it had nothing to do with my skin color, I found myself devastated. If it wasn’t because of my outward characteristics, could it be because of my inward nature? The thought alone caused a crushing pain to rush through my chest. Did this mean, that I truly wasn’t good enough? That I didn’t belong here simply because I didn’t have what it takes?

Completely stunned and with the fight knocked out of me, all I could utter was a breathless “Oh.” Bucky narrowed his eyes in my direction as if assessing the inner turmoil I was experiencing. His entire demeanor seemed to soften towards me, making me feel as if I was standing in front of a complete stranger. The only interactions I’d had with Bucky had been gruff, impersonal, and standoffish. On the rarest of occasions I’d seen him crack a smile or even joke with one of his fellow avengers or another of the recruits. However, this softer side was something I’d never witnessed before.

A soft, shy smile played on Bucky’s lips as he took a cautious step towards me, bringing us closer than we’d ever stood to one another besides during sparring when he’d used all his power to defeat me. “I know that I’ve been hard on you. And it’s unfair to you. I apologize for that. I was just... I dunno.” he whispered, almost as if he feared my reaction to his words. 

“You don’t know what?” I answered, unsatisfied with that attempted explanation. I needed more than that. I needed to know his treatment hadn’t been because he viewed me as a waste of time. Bucky’s shy smile grew more timid as he took another careful step in my direction. He was so close, I had no other choice but to lift my head up to see his face. To anyone looking in on this, it might have seemed like an intimate moment between two people with a deep connection. However, that was far from the case between Bucky and I.

“I’ve been so hard on you because...I’ve treated you differently than the rest of the recruits because, I feel differently about you than the rest of the recruits. I was trying not to treat you different but I guess I still treated you different. But I’m in charge of training you guys so I shouldn’t feel anything towards any of you, but then I did and I didn’t know how to not feel it.” Bucky rambled nervously. From what I had known, Bucky never seemed flustered. He was always the perfect vision of cool, calm, and collected with a natural brooding nature about him. It was what some might call an attractive swagger. Some, but not me. Perplexed, I found myself tilting my head in question, silently prompting him to expound in a way I’d understand. 

“What I mean to say is...I’ve been so hard on you because I’m soft for you. I’m in love with you.” Bucky finally breathed out, his eyes connecting with mine as we stared at one another in silence, both of us waiting for the other to make the first move. 

[dear-wormwoods]

--> Lies, Lies, Lies - A Playlist for Sonia and Eddie <--

I’ve wanted to make this for a long time, and finally had the emotional energy for it today. This is... the most satisfying thing I’ve ever made. The goal was to craft a sort of rock opera about Sonia and Eddie’s relationship, to chronicle his journey from being in her clutches, realizing the reality of his situation, and then finally overcoming her abusive influence.

Keep reading for some embarrassingly thorough track meta:

1. Birds vs. Worms by Modest Mouse

This is the intro song because of the imagery of birds eating worms, with the birds as predators and the worms as helpless victims. After his arm is broken, Eddie specifically calls his mother’s eyes predatory, like the Leper’s, and then thinks “she’s only eating me because she loves me” in his delirious state. 

2. Rebellion (Lies) by Arcade Fire

The lies adults/parents tell their children so they will behave and follow the rules, for their ‘protection’ or to cover up secrets, only end up being damaging and in the long run cause mistrust and defiance. Also the line about closing your eyes, repeated over and over, can symbolize Eddie’s denial at this point in time, as he actually believes what his mother tells him and refuses to see that it’s all lies.

3. No One Will Ever Love You by The Magnetic Fields

This one is more from Sonia’s point of view, commenting on Eddie’s passivity and kindness, and accusing him of not fulfilling the ‘dream’ (having a family, being a mother) that she ‘paid dearly for’ (by losing Frank). And when things go wrong, she ‘sings’ her lies, but Eddie needs to be there to make her false tears and ‘sad songs’ seem sincere, since he believes her every time. Finally, she assures him that no one will ever love him honestly (the way she does).

4. Mother by Pink Floyd

Horribly self-explanatory... ‘Mother’ is Eddie begging for Sonia’s approval, because his fear has been so well conditioned that he asks her opinion and advice and knows her response will keep him safely inside his comfort zone. She will put all her fears into him and keep him under wing - ‘she won’t let you fly, but she might let you sing’ being particularly depressing... Sonia won’t let Eddie run, she will never let him be free, but she will let him talk about his dreams knowing full well she will never let them become reality. She will literally help build a wall around him, too high for him to escape from later.

On top of all of that, this song also brings love into it - Sonia seeing Richie as not good enough, as dangerous, as a bad influence who can’t love Eddie like she does. She ‘won’t let anyone dirty get through’ and will keep him ‘healthy and clean’ by preventing him from living his truth and pursuing what, or who, makes him happy. 

5. Rabbit Will Run by Iron & Wine

Rabbit Will Run is, like Iron & Wine’s songs always are, full of symbolism and lofty imagery. It’s no The Trapeze Swinger (I’ll go off about that one at a later date), but it’s such a good Eddie song anyway... it has mother imagery, her watching over him, ‘protecting him’. It has running imagery coupled with intense instrumentals, and also the vaguely religious symbolism that fits him so well. Guilt follows him throughout the lyrics, and though he has prayers they do not help, though he wants to run it turns out futile, and though his mother seems to offer comfort, she only makes the guilt worse. By the end of the song, he accepts his guilt and ‘badness’ without ever really identifying what it was he was guilty for or running from.

6. The Wanting Comes In Waves / Repaid by The Decemberists

OKAY THIS IS THE TURNING POINT, the greatest Sonia and Eddie song to ever exist (besides Dear Wormwood). This comes from The Decemberists’ rock opera and is a conversation between The Forest Queen and her ‘son’ William, who she rescued from the human world as a child and kept isolated in the forest. He falls in love and wants to leave her, so she accuses him of being ungrateful and that his ‘repayment’ for all she’s done for him is selfish. Sound familiar?

So in this song, Eddie is finally confronting his mother about giving him more freedom to be himself. He acknowledges that she wants to keep him safe from ‘the world of men’ but his desire to explore remains, and he (stupidly) thinks that her love for him will make her take pity on him. But her response is to accuse him of being ungrateful, of hurting her despite all the labor she’s gone through to protect him and keep him healthy and safe. Like, how dare he repay her by wanting more than the love she gives him?? He begs her to give him the freedom to pursue his desires but promises to return to her, because as his mother she owes him the chance to really live. She gives in, but it’s just another manipulation tactic - she will give him freedom tonight, and she’ll take him back in the morning, but then he’s hers forever. 

(Sidenote: this is the friggin theme song for my Little Mermaid AU I swear!!)

7. Hang Me Up To Dry by Cold War Kids

This song starts out with a sort of reminder of Eddie’s time with the Losers, playing carelessly in the summer and getting dirty but not caring about it. But it quickly devolves into Sonia aggressively sanitizing him of those experiences, wringing him out and hanging him to dry until he’s pure again, perfectly white and innocent the way she wants him. 

Following their conversation in the previous track, Eddie’s not having this shit anymore... he knows exactly what she’s doing, and this song is his challenge to her - telling her that he knows her whole deal and he’s tired of it. At this point in the story, her voice disappears and all that is left is for Eddie to come to terms with this new understanding of their relationship.

8. Wake Up by Arcade Fire

At this point, Eddie is just dealing with the knowledge that his relationship with his mother has been built on lies and manipulation. He feels empty and lost, but in spite of his newfound understanding, he still feels guilty for the way things went down instead of blaming her. But although he’s feeling shitty about it, he’s still coming through the other side stronger, deciding on his own terms to be adaptable and take control of his own life. So this anthem starts out kind of sad, but it builds into a more uplifting tune - Eddie is awake now (throwback to him symbolically keeping his eyes closed in ‘Rebellion’), he sees where he’s going for the first time because no one else is there to decide his path for him, and he’s ready to fuck shit up. 

9. Synthetica by Metric

At this point in the story, Eddie is taking control of his life, and feeling happy with it and stronger than he ever has. He’s throwing out the fabricated, wind-up doll persona that Sonia created for him, and finally finding himself. He realizes that he has an inner strength that no pills or medication could ever silence, because he’s not sick, and he’s stronger than any drug Sonia might push on him. Most importantly, he’s decisively thinking for himself now, and not allowing any more manipulation from her or anyone else. 

10. Dear Wormwood by The Oh Hellos

The grand finale, THE Sonia and Eddie song, which I have listened to five thousand times and have cried about... way too often. I see this song as Eddie’s good-bye letter to his mother. It’s sad, and bittersweet, because he does love her, and he pities her, but he knows he’s better off without her in his life. Mostly, he wants her to know that he sees her for what she is now, and doesn’t forgive her, as much as he might understand her.

In the first verse, he tells her that he knows his fears were created by her, and that she taught him to view his dreams and beliefs as silly and pointless, only because she wanted him to hide away with her. Then, in the second verse, he tells her that he knows she was always there, waiting for him to display any sort of weakness or faulty courage, just so she could say ‘I told you so’ and come to his rescue. He knows now that it was all manipulation, that she taught him passivity not as means of protection, but because she was selfish and self-serving. He sat and dreamed but couldn’t act on his dreams out of fear, which is exactly the kind of person he was never really meant to be.

Finally, he tells her that she’s always in his mind, poisoning his thoughts, but that he understands her. This verse is especially sad, because you can hear the pity in the lyrics - he sees her as sad and pathetic, and is point blank refusing to be a part of her delusions anymore. And here is where the chorus of ‘I know who you are now’ changes to ‘I know who I am now’, because Eddie needs her to know that he has found himself, and that his confidence won’t be shaken by her anymore. He’s aware of all the damage she’s done, and he’s working on overcoming it and becoming the person he wants to be - but in order to do that, he needs to cut her out of his life. 

The closing line, ‘I want to be more than this devil inside of me’, is symbolic of two key features in Eddie’s growth arc. The devil could be Sonia, and the line could be about overcoming her influence alone, and moving beyond her ‘plan’ for him. But this line could also be referring to the consistent theme in the novel of Eddie feeling wrong, or bad, that he’s bound for Hell - and he’s deciding here to let those feelings go. He’s silencing his mother’s voice AND ALSO purging himself of those dirty and wrong feelings, just as he did when he died in Richie’s arms. Though in this story, he doesn’t need to die to realize he’s strong and good on his own, he heals EARLY with both arms intact. 

SOOO yeah THE END.

I sort of want to write a fic to go with this, but the emotional labor that would involve... idk, maybe someday. 

[jesusandmccallforever-blog]

WHHYY AM I DOING THIS??!!

Hello there! You freaking made it to this little blog I made for Jesus!! SO stoked to have you. 

So proud of you and your curiosity in clicking on this link and checking this out. I just want you to know, as you open this blog, there is a surrounding presence of the love of God around us. The Lord Jesus Christ right now is enveloping His Holy Presence around us all in and great enormous embrace.

Whether you “feel it” or not, He is! It’s the reality of what’s going on. He loves you so much, friend, like SO MUCH. It’s actually FREAKING CRAZY how much He loves you! 

OK, so, why am I writing this blog? What is this thing?

Idk, why did you even click on it, huh?

No, I’m kidding. I know why I made this blog...and I’m about to tell ya!!!

So I woke up is what happened. I freaking woke up guys. I have been a Christian since I was 11/12 and I have strived after relationships, finding safety and security in relationships, finding safety and security in my life plan, fear of rocking the boat in displeasing my non-Christian family members by sharing Jesus with them and others, feeling convinced my worth was in relationships and whether other people liked me or thought I was good enough, feeling convinced my struggles and lack of success in relationships on many different levels was all my fault, feeling alone and in self-pity, feeling misunderstood, angry about where my life was going, angry that I didn’t go to the college I wanted, angry that my dad pressured me into an education and life plan I didn’t want, angry at my mom for the ways she criticized me growing up, secretly angry at my brothers for never loving me back as much as I wanted them to, angry angry angry, disappointed disappointed disappointed, disappointed in how it has felt like I could never get a guy to like me or be interested in me enough to want to be my man and marry me, so many expectations out of life and my life plan and so much disappointment. 

There has been a big problem here of making my life all about me when I had already known that life isn’t about me. I already accepted Christ at 11/12 and gosh did I know back then how much life wasn’t about me. 

But I still got sucked into all of this stuff and there is no judgment here if you feel like any of what I listed feels remotely like yourself. 

The truth is that all of these things come out of a desire for comfort which is so natural and human. 

But I KNOW, as a Christian, that the power of Christ and the reality of Heaven is far greater than these things. I started to realize recently how much I haven’t been giving up for Jesus. 

How I hold on to my workout plans, my eating regimen, my extra money in the bank account to buy cute clothes, my expectations for how I am supposed to find a spouse, expectations for how my life plan is supposed to go and because of that, miss out on the MASTER PLAN OF JESUS CHRIST over my life. 

The Bible tells us so many times to die to ourselves to gain our life in Jesus Christ. I think a lot of us after that first encounter with Jesus forget the reality of the power of Jesus Christ and how much He loves us. The power and strength of His love for us is UNDENIABLE. 

And, unfortunately, to have a relationship with Jesus and a life overcome by the Spirit of Christ, clinging to a life of comfort, our expectations over life and our life plan over His, we miss out on that life drenched by His presence and Living Water. 

We started to go “back to the vomit” and allow ourselves to get comfortable again. 

And hey, no judgment here, again, I know I like that comfort myself. 

But without giving up things that COSTS US SOMETHING, we aren’t going to experience God’s eternal presence or eternal perspective in our lives. 

SO, in an effort to give myself up more for Him, I’ve decided to obey His command to acknowledge Him here on earth publicly with great abundance through this blog.

I have to give up appearing cool to my non-Christian family and friends.

I have to give up being chosen by prospective clients as a photographer against other photographers because I may “appear too religious or Christian” for them.

I have to give up prospective dates with some fellers because they think “I’m too radical” of a Christian for them. But from a heavenly perspective, I know it’s worth it. 

And nothing will stop the Lord from blessing me whether that is through heavenly outpourings or even some earthly blessings as well. 

The Lord will give me everything I need and desire without even understanding what those things are. 

The more I give myself up for him in the things I understand to be things that cost me something, the more I rip open the wrapping of a present He has given me and has been dying for me to open. 

The present is a PERFECT and PLEASING plan for my life that He has in store for me. It has nothing to do with what I want but has everything to do with this crazy wild story and adventure of self sacrifice that He has written out for me. 

BUT the only way I can get it is if I do commit to dying to myself.

If I start to die to what is comfortable and easy for me, I find myself surrendering my own life expectations for this daily unknown, fun, beautiful and adventurous plan He has for me. 

When I’m in what is easy and comfortable for me, I am ignoring His plans for me that guides us through in Scripture. I am just focusing on what I like and what I want which has always seems to disappoint (remember my super long run on sentence describing my life disappointments and expectations? ^). 

And even more so, I end up missing out on this thing that is literally from heaven. Like it’s that good, it’s literally of God.

SO, to actually answer the question of WHY AM I DOING THIS?!!?! it is because I want to give myself up for Christ in this way. 

I want to acknowledge Him before man publicly so that He acknowledges me in heaven. 

I am on this quest to give up more of myself than I ever have before and I want to give up my name, my reputation and my coolness by writing this blog.

And through this blog, I hope to share with you what it means to give up comfort for Jesus in a way that is life-giving for you and me and everyone else on this earth.

To die is to gain, my friends. Let’s not forget this in this very overly comfortable American culture. Just because we have been given much does not mean that we are supposed to sit on it idly like it is our throne of glory and possessions and status. We are supposed to give it back to God. 

Don’t store up possessions for yourself here on earth. Give it back to God. Be rich towards God. 

Everything here on earth passes away. Our relationships with even our most favorite and beloved family members. Our possessions. Our reputations and/or status. Our power. Our earthly glory. Our beauty. Our economy. Our safety. 

Living a life of control of all these possessions and wealth we have here in American is a life of death inside our souls. Chasing control and trying to make life what we expect it to be here on earth will destroy us. 

Our lives will end with an inheritance we built up over many years of hard sweaty work to give to our children and to never enjoy ourselves. 

Our lives will end with things never going how we wanted because even though we have so much here in this wealthy nation, we are not ultimately in control of what happens or where life takes us. That is always up to God.

It’s better to take the risk and adventure of losing it all to God and putting the investment in the next life than to be consumed and concerned with the worries of life here on earth. 

Some of us will lose our jobs, be poor, will die too young, live a life where we lose a lot of relationships and things and status, some of us will be abused, some of us will be beaten or raped, 

but wouldn’t it be better to be the person who hurts and loses but already expects it so they put their whole life, prosperity, riches, relationships, security, and life plan into GOD’S HANDS than 

the one who holds onto it all so tightly hoping that nothing ever bad happens to them and then suddenly finds it all ripped away from them tragically and they fall to their knees in great loss yelling out to God “Why me?!” when He already told you that everything here perishes, don’t put your hope in these earthly things for they disappoint, instead put your hope in Me?

Wouldn’t it be better to be the former rather than the latter?

In my grand visions of life and high expectations of family members and relationships, I have lost a lot because my expectations have been destroyed time and time again. 

I am at a point where I don’t want to lose anything here anymore. 

If God gives me something good then praise Him! And if He takes it away then praise Him! 

But before any earthly thing in my heart, I know I now need to make it about Him not about these earthly things. 

It’s not that earthly gifts are bad, it’s that He is before any earthly gift because in the end, those earthly gifts won’t be there anymore and, whether I chose Him before it all or not, I will have to stand face to face to Him someday. 

Some gucci verses to inspire us all to give up our earthly life plans for His greater heavenly plan for us all:

“‘Everyone who acknowledges me publicly here on earth, I will also acknowledge before my Father in heaven. But everyone who denies me here on earth, I will also deny before my Father in heaven.’” Matthew 10:32-33 NLT

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord. ‘They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.’“ Jeremiah 29:11

“If you love your father or mother more than you love me, you are not worthy of being mine; or if you love your son or daughter more than me, you are not worthy of being mine.” --Jesus in Matthew 10:37

“Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later.  For all creation is waiting eagerly for that future day when God will reveal who his children really are. Against its will, all creation was subjected to God’s curse. But with eager hope,  the creation looks forward to the day when it will join God’s children in glorious freedom from death and decay.” Romans 8:18-21 NLT