#I thought I did before but apparently I was wrong and I especially don't post-time skip

[arsenicpanda]

Someone needs to write the essay on Betty Cooper, the sins of the father, generational cycles, serial killer genes, and Calvinism

[vixenvoider]

I ENTERED THE VOID STATE

in this post i will explain in depth how i entered the void state and what i manifested. i will be open to questions but if you ask something that i explain in this post i won't answer it just fyi, so even though this will be long, if you are truly curious i encourage you to read the whole thing. i am sorry for any spelling mistakes or grammar mistakes that might be present.

overall story: i have been trying to enter the void for around 2 months now, and finally entered through a lucid dream. one thing i want to note before i tell my story is that i have been lucid dreaming my whole life (so if you never have, i don't know what good steps are for beginners).

the beginning: my journey started when i inadvertently came across a post about how someone else entered the void state and manifested their dream body and face. i was not into manifesting before, in fact, i actually had a problem with the whole concept of the law of attraction and didn't know there were other types of manifestation and never looked deeply into it. that being said, i have always been an open-minded person and also, a more or less spiritual person. i believe in a lot of "out there" things because a lot of said things have been proven to me (through experiences i find hard to explain so i'm not going to). i'm sharing this to let you know that due how deeply i naturally believe in such things i never really had a problem with my void concept, even though i experienced doubts (so for this area i really can't give much advice).

so after learning about the existence of the void state i searched "void state" on tumblr and skimmed some info here and there on it, what i came across included some basic methods on how to enter the void but i didn't fully understand them yet. that same night i followed a shifting guided meditation but i couldn't really get "into" it, i was a naturally anxious person who found it hard to relax so it just wasn't working, but i did see it through and try my best and i think in the long run it helped me. in the guided meditation i listened to, the person makes you walk through a door to get to your desired reality and even though the meditation didn't work, that imagery worked it's way into my subconscious and i had a lucid dream that night. i did not manifest anything that night but it was on purpose (i think). in my lucid dream i woke up in my bedroom. i looked in the mirror and decided i would change what i saw to a more desired appearance and it worked (i looked exactly like the person i was thinking of), then, i decided (with intention) to open my bedroom door and enter my dream house and it worked. at this point in the dream i thought that entering the void must be super easy since i was already basically close and could have done it there if i wanted to BUT i chose to wake up because i wanted to enter the void when i actually knew for sure what i wanted my manifestations to be. i knew i was going to want a lot if i really thought about it and i also didn't want to actually look like someone else (my whole lucid dream i was more trying to test my imagination and build my confidence). the next day i started making a void state list and writing down everything i genuinely wanted for myself.

experiencing doubts: things started to go wrong after that hahah, after my first beginner's luck(?) experience i was struggling to lucid dream (even though i've always naturally been a lucid dreamer, the times it occurs is still random and i couldn't make them happen) and meditations were only getting me so close. all in all, over the past 2 months i had 5 failed lucid dreams and several close, but failed, meditation attempts. this instilled some doubts in me, especially the lucid dreams, because apparently once you lucid dream it's meant to be quite simple but when i would affirm for the void in my dreams i would just wake up or the dream would continue.

another thing that caused me to doubt the void was questioning some of the stories on here. most of them i initially don't believe anyway because it's known there's many liars in the community and there seems to be a trend of people posting void success stories in an attempt to enter to the void (to act as if it already happened) but they technically haven't in reality yet. that being said, i did have some blogs i mostly trusted and then one day one of the blogs i trusted answered an anonymous ask about a success story and it really looked like they sent it to themselves. the reason i thought this was because the op of the blog spells a commonly used word wrong all the time but it's not a spelling mistake people commonly make (in fact, i know no one who makes this spelling mistake) but then the anon that sent them the success story made the exact same spelling mistake. it made me worry that perhaps there were no true success stories because why was this person who supposedly mastered the void bothering with sending asks to themselves to validate their blog? i mean this was all speculation but it still caused me to think.

that being said again, i still basically believed, i just wavered a little, but i definitely believed enough to keep persisting (because why not?)

the success: finally, after almost 2 months i entered the void through a lucid dream. when i realised i was dreaming i tried to make myself stay super grounded in the dream but i also thought about not taking too long since i didn't want to wake up. i did this because i realised the very first night when i had my lucid dream, i didn't get excited and try immediately, i hung around in my dream for a while and just enjoyed things (as i explained). so i wandered around the dream a bit and just looked at things, touched things, tried to feel the temperature and take note of it and then when i felt calm and not too excited i closed my eyes and affirmed for the void and entered. when i got the void i just said "i have everything on my void list" (a few times to make sure) and then stated i was exiting the void state. the void feels how pretty much everyone describes, you just know it's happening and you are pure consciousness.

what i manifested: my void state list ended up being super long and i manifested a lot of personal things that i won't share, which is what i'm sure would be the same for most people, but i'll include a list of things that others might find interesting or encouraging:

desired appearance (including body, face, height etc)

money (i came up with a plan that of how it would make sense in my country to have acquired it)

got rid of my anxiety disorder (having this was probably the most debilitating part of my life, it's also why i know meditation never truly worked for me since i could never relax and it's crazy to feel not severely stressed constantly for the first time in my life)

got rid of my autoimmune disease and fixed my eyesight (i manifested being healthy overall in general)

feel comfortable instantly, i will no longer get too itchy, feel dirty after a long day, be too hot or too cold etc. (can't really attest to this one yet but i have felt no discomfort)

dream living space and whatever bed i sleep in to always be super comfortable

opinion on the void state: overall the point is that the void state is real and you can get anything you want, getting to the void is also easy but it's just about trying to go for it and not getting discouraged. i don't want to share too much of my opinion on this because i actually find it really toxic. some people will get mad if you say you "entered" or "got to" the void because you technically are always the void, and personally, i don't find these slight changes in language to be important unless you are very sensitive to it. for me, it doesn't matter if i think about the void as something i enter or something i am because i believe it exists and that's all i need to know at the end of the day. if you want to see it as something you are, or a state or anything else, i don't think it matters as long as you believe manifestation is possible, you are the creator of your reality, you get to decide what language or thought process works for you :)

common questions: i'm going to answer some question i feel like i will get if people find this post so i'm just going to answer them here. remember that these answers are just my opinion.

question: how come people don't manifest to end world hunger, for everyone to have money, to become the next "big thing", to be a real life superhero, for everyone to be happy etc. truthfully, i think people do manifest that but i don't think they stay in this reality. a lot of people think that using the void at all means you shift your reality, idk if i believe in that, but i would have to assume the people that use the void to manifest very extreme things ultimately have to shift realities. so this would mean the reason you're not seeing these results is because these people are no longer in this reality. if you pay attention i think you will also notice that most void success stories that seem to come from reliable sources (though this is still all personal judgement) seem to be rather humble, these people just manifest to be the prettier version of themselves, to live in a nice place, to be around good people and other similar things. i think people with mostly humble desires stay in this reality and people with more fantastical desires (to be the most famous person ever, to be a multibillionaire, world peace) go elsewhere.

question: why would someone even have humble desires? i can't speak for every single person but i think it's just the desire to stick to the familiar. we want better lives but also want to feel at "home" still, i wanted to still feel like ME. maybe it seems stupid and selfish but if we really are shifting realities every time then there really is no way to actually solve world hunger anyway, it will always exist in this reality even if you or i personally go to another one. at the end of the day, life isn't fair and i am just grateful to have discovered the void to live happily and am sharing this so you can too.

question: i'm worried about the wrong people finding out about the void state. honestly, me too! but i think this falls in line with my past two answers, if someone terrible happened to stumble upon this post and entered the void, i don't think they'd stay here, they will go to some other reality more likely, so i really don't think we have to worry about someone super evil getting to the void and doing something super heinous or whatever. but honestly i do understand the worry. at first when i discovered the void i thought i wouldn't share my success story once i entered because i wanted to keep the void as quiet as possible. but just remember two things: most people do not know about the void and if they do a lot of them will give up and not persist. second, someone really evil finding it will probably leave this reality (my theory).

question: why do people not show better proof. truthfully, i don't know, for me it's because i really do want to live a private life and a lot of stuff i manifested can't be proven anyway. if i show my bank account, it could be photoshop, if i show my new face it means nothing because i revised to always look this way, i can't prove i no longer have my autoimmune disease and the list goes on. i think people with more dramatic proof also want to maintain their privacy or go to other realities. perhaps there's even been people to show dramatic proof in this reality but they had to revise that they didn't because it was a mistake.

question: do you have any overall tips? just keep persisting. and personally, i think it's okay to try several methods at once. i know some people say if you try several then it "cancels out" like, if you try lucid dreaming and it doesn't work so you meditate it means you don't "believe" lucid dreaming can work for you so then that's why it takes you so long but i think you can just tell yourself "every method works for me so i will just keep persisting". another thing i recommend trying for a few days is setting your alarm to go off at different times so day 1 is 8am, day 2 is 7am, day 3 is 9am and so forth. each day set the intention to wake up BEFORE your alarm goes off, once you successfully start waking up a few minutes before your alarm everyday this is your tangible proof that your intentions are working. this isn't really a method but more so a confidence booster that worked for me to remind myself i'm in control and powerful. if you also try this i think after a few days you will feel more confident intending to lucid dream, for your meditations to work, for subliminals to work (whatever is your personal vibe) and you will get there easier hopefully!

question: did you ever do any official lucid dreaming methods. personally the only way i ever had a lucid dream was by intending before sleeping that i would lucid dream. but methods where you wake up by setting your alarm early and going back to sleep and stuff didn't work for me. i tried but due to my anxiety i would always wake up super alert or even stressed, so i could never relax enough. but they are successful for many people so there is no harm in trying.

[ms-demeanor]

Going off that post about nutrition and science, I'd love to hear what you think of the 5:2 diet/The Fast 800 and its creator, Dr. Michael Mosley. For context: in order to get an NHS-funded breast reduction (it's a gender thing, but also just a general quality-of-life thing), I need to be a certain BMI, so I've been referred to a weight management clinic. The lady I've been seeing initially just put me on a low-carb diet (130g or less of carbs per day, with an aside from her about how bullshit Keto and BMI limits for treatment are), but now she's said that, if I wanted to speed up the weight loss, I should include the 5:2 diet: 5 days in a week where I eat "normally", and 2 fast days in which I restrict myself to 800kcals. I did a little looking into it myself, and found that 5:2 - which I HAD heard about before - is now being sold as part of "The Fast 800", with Dr. Mosley being the creator of it. I was shocked by that, because I was already a fan of Dr. Mosley's work (he has a podcast called "Just One Thing" that I really liked, and thought contained reasonable-sounding advice), and yet having a diet plan that he's clearly making money off of does immediately make me feel suspicious. I've borrowed his "The Fast 800" book from the library, both to find out more about the diet I've been put on and to see if it's at all backed by evidence, and he does cite a bunch of scientific studies which seem to back up his ideas, but I don't know how valid they are, and I don't just want to accept them at face-value (especially since he's a "we got fat completely wrong in the 80s, therefore we should eat a Mediterranean diet!" types). Obviously I'll go with what my weight management lady suggests, since she's obviously more qualified to talk about it than I am, but I am curious to know what you think, and whether I'm right to be distrustful of all of this.

I am, generally speaking, against any diet for rapid weight loss. They're not sustainable so people gain the weight back (often with more weight getting added on).

There have also recently been findings that suggest that BMI cutoffs for top surgery are detrimental to patients as patients in higher BMI categories are more likely to have minor complications like UTIs or to be readmitted, but are not likely to have major complications or be at risk of significant harm from having top surgery. I don't know if anybody will listen if you bring up that study, and I know that GCS is fraught in many places for many reasons.

I'm also just.

I'm so mad. I'm so fucking mad! I'm so mad about this!

One of my best friends is a guy who was pressured into a pattern of disordered eating and unhealthy exercise in order to qualify for top surgery; since then he has not been able to eat in a healthy way and has struggled with alternating between exercising to the point of harm and other destructive behaviors that make him unhappy and unsafe. And he didn't need that. He didn't need any of that! He needed a very safe surgery that had perhaps a slightly higher risk of minor complications at his size and instead he got top surgery and an eating disorder! I hate it! I'm so fucking mad about it!

Also as near as I can tell Michael Mosley qualified as a psychiatrist in the 90s, spent very little time working as a psychiatrist, and then became a media personality. From what is visible on his website and every biography I've found for him he apparently doesn't have any background in nutrition beyond whatever is standard for someone in medical school (which is NOT MUCH).

Hey I just looked at his website and this is straight-up fucked up.

Anybody recommending an 800 calorie a day diet for 2-12 weeks in a context that is not heavily medically supervised can fucking choke. That is *ridiculously* dangerous and the website says that this can improve insulin resistance but there are a shitload of studies about people on crash diets like this *developing* insulin resistance (oh hey like my friend who became prediabetic after his rapid significant weight loss).

Also in regard to the studies he cites on the website, the "two years later patients are still going strong in their diabetes improvements" it's really important to put shit like that in context

at 5 years 13% of the original intervention group were in remission from their type two diabetes; the average weight loss experienced by the intervention group as a whole was 6.1kg compared to 4.6kg in the control group. That's 1.5kg lower for the people who went through a twelve week medically supervised very low calorie diet compared. That's an average difference of 3.3 pounds between "starvation diet" and "no diet" for the Americans in the audience.

Yours is the second comment I've seen that has been leery of the Mediterranean diet, btw, and the Mediterranean diet is fine. It's very achievable and not super gimmicky and is based on very reasonable reassessments of fat, not the hardcore "you are fine to eat 100g of fat a day" kind of attitude that you get from the keto crew. There isn't really one Mediterranean diet and it certainly isn't low carb (which the bits from Mosely's website seem to indicate it is).

So, no, honestly I don't think much of Mosely and I'm very sorry you're in this situation, that sucks and I hate that they're refusing you treatment until you undergo an exceptionally difficult and potentially harmful weight loss excursion.

I know you're probably stuck with that and it's bullshit and I think it fucking sucks and unfortunately the medical advice you're likely to get is "eat in a significantly disordered manner at least until it is time for surgery" and it blows. That just fucking sucks.

If you're looking for rapid weight loss that you don't plan to sustain (and you shouldn't plan to sustain it, it won't stay off) you may want to look into body building forums for how they discuss cuts. It's still disordered eating and it's still not healthy, but at least they're effective and can tell you what supplements will keep you from becoming malnourished while you prepare for surgery. This is a terrible idea. I don't actually want to give this advice to anyone but bodybuilders are the exact kind of people who know how far and how fast they can push weight loss while having an awareness that it isn't really good for them and it won't stay off.

I cannot overstate enough how much I hate the thought that people are being encouraged to rapidly starve themselves in order to prepare to recover from surgery. I am so sorry and I'm so mad and

[masonreds]

mason mount x reader

Summary: Y/N distances herself from Mason thinking that it would help her feelings.

word count: 3,7k words

notes: sorry if this is a bit too dramatic for you’re liking 👀 also take a shot for everytime y/n says sorry 😂😂 I’ve also not posted in a while so please leave feedback if you can, it will be appreciated 💞

This isn't how you expected tonight to go.

Here you were, in the bathroom locked away from the fun downsatairs, away from your own birthday party. You just couldn't handle it anymore.

You couldn't handle your feelings for him anymore. You hated being friends when deep down you know you knew what you wanted and the possibility of him turning you down, rejecting you just thinking about it made you an anxious mess.

You couldn't keep this up anymore. You wanted more.

The knocking on the bathroom door made you snap back into reality, and you already knew who it was without them even talking.

You just knew it was Mason.

The person who'd you been trying to avoid for the rest of the night.

'Last I checked, the afterparty hasn't been moved to the bathroom.'

'I'll just be a minute!' You say, trying to sound normal enough.

'What's wrong?' Apparently not.

'What do you mean? I'm just freshening up a bit.'

'What's bothering you?'

'i don't know what you mean,' you try to laugh it off , but the pressure in your chest becomes a little too tight and it comes out as a more gasping noise than a light chuckle. You clear your throat. 'i told you, I'll be out in a minute. It's getting late, everybody else has probably gone, you can go too. I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?'

Mason just ignores what you said. 'You would've at least made five sarcastic comments in the last two minutes if everything was fine. You forget how i can read you like a book.' He pauses. 'And you certainly wouldn't be hiding away from your own birthday party for most of the night. Especially when you always refuse to let me leave without helping you clean up.'

Shit

'Mase, i told you, I'm -'

'Cut the bullshit, Y/N.' He told you sternly, before continuing, 'I watched you blow out the candles. I saw that look you made after you made your wish, and you looked up at me for a split second. And that look you had on your face, as if you were going to start crying right there and then. You masked it quickly, but I saw it. I’m not going to stand here and pretend I didn’t see it.’

‘I don’t know what you’re-’

‘Yes you do,’ he interjects. ‘Because right about an hour ago I’m handing you a drink and the next thing I know, I see your face crumple like that again. And-’ he takes a deep breath before continuing. ‘And it fucking broke my heart.’

You stood there, stunned.

‘So, are you going to tell me what I did wrong?’ He asks.

‘You didn’t do-’

‘Because you’re my best friend,’ he reminds you. ‘And I feel like I have a right to know what I did that made you make that face.’

There’s a beat of silence, and he says, in a lower tone than before. ‘Because I would do anything to make sure I never see it again. It breaks my heart seeing you like that.’

Stood still, your gaze is fixed at the door speed the two of you.

‘Y/N.’ He calls out, sounding more desperate than you ever thought him capable of being.

And that does it. The tears you’ve been desperately holding back through every conversation with him you had, not only tonight, but since the day you realised that you were in love with him. You’ve reached the point where there was no return, and the person you want to run to the most is also the one you couldn’t possible bare to see you in this state.

The stretch of silence following your name from his lips feels endless. You feel like you’ve been standing in front of the door, with your face painfully scrunched in a vain attempt to stop the tears from falling, for an eternity. That is until it’s broken by your shuddering gasp for air.

‘Y/N.’ He says again. Only this time his voice has shifted, even thought the distance hasn’t changed, you can feel his voice everywhere now. It has penetrated the walls and filled every corner of the room. You realise this is the first time he’s seen you cry.

Well, no. He still can’t see you.

He can only hear you, which means there’s still time to fix things going from bad to worse.

‘C’mon princess, don’t cry sweetheart,’ he beckons. ‘Please. Just come out and we’ll fix whatever’s happening. I swear.’

Those nicknames, which he sometimes throws around fondly and always makes your chest tighten in joy every time you hear them. It feels worse now. It feels torturous and cruel to hear him casually call you things you wished he truly meant.

And that only makes you cry harder.

Oh how you wish things were different, and how you wished you were destined to be with him.

‘I-I’m begging you,’ his voice sounds strained, and you feel guilty for putting him in such an uncomfortable situation.

‘I’m fine,’ you manage. ‘I’m sorry. I’ll be okay in a sec.’

‘But you never cry,’ he says. Which was true, you never let him saw you raw emotions. You wanted him to think that you were fine and that you could handle it, until you couldn’t anymore.

‘I’m sorry,’ you whisper.

‘Stop apologising,’ he says firmly. ‘Now, can you please come out?’

‘I can’t.’

‘And why’s that?’

‘Because,’ you squeeze your eyes shut as more tears spill over. ‘You can’t see me like this. I don’t want it to change our friendship.’

‘Well what if I want it to?’ He counters.

‘What?!!’

‘What if I want it to affect our friendship?’ He sighs. ‘What if I want you to think you can come to me when you’re upset? Do you really think I’d push you away when you’re like this?’

You can’t get any words out. All you can do is let out a pathetic sob at the kindness of his words.

At my crying he stammers, ‘I’m sorry, did I say something wrong? I just meant-’

‘No!!’

‘No?’ He questions.

‘No,’ you can’t help but smile a little.

‘Well, look, I’m not going to force you to come out,’ he says. ‘If you truly want to be alone, I get that, and I’ll leave and you can come out whenever you’re ready.’

Good.

I think I can work with that - you thought.

‘But if the only reason you’re not coming out is because you’re afraid of how I’m going to react, then I’m the one who fucked up for making you think that you always need to be in a good mood around me,’ his voice softens. ‘I’ll leave you alone if you want, but please don’t try to push me away.’

Damn.

You almost left out a huff of laughter, because you know that no matter what you promised yourself, he always weakens your resolve. And it’s at this moment where you realise just how exhausted you are - how nearly two years of suppressing your feelings have been slowly eating away at you. And the weight of your misery becomes unbearable, and all you want is to leave the terrible ache in your chest behind.

More tears come running down your cheek, that you couldn’t seem to stop. You don’t bother wiping them away as you stare at yourself into the mirror. You see the hollowness of your eyes, the way you look pale in the dim bathroom light, and you know you can hardly handle the weight of your secret for much longer. Giving yourself an almost nod of understanding before reaching the door handle, unlocking the door and throwing common sense out of the window.

‘Princess?’ He asks. Your chest tightens at the sound of that stupid nickname again. It started off as a joke, Mason teasing you after you shared your love of fantasy books and fairy tales with him. And it stuck around, quickly becoming Mason’s favourite way to make you flustered while you always shoot him with an annoyed glare. You always told him you hated it, but after a while you began to carry it with a sense of pride. As much as it pained you to know he was only joking, it always made your heart contract in a way he was only capable of causing.

‘Promise me one thing?’ Your voice is unsteady from all the crying you’ve been doing.

‘Anything.’

‘Shut your eyes, will you?’

‘Why’s that?’

‘Not to brag or anything but I’m certain I’m one of the most ugliest criers out there. And I’m not sure if I can stand you see me like that,’ you do your best to joke. ‘Just for now, at least.’

‘You don’t realise how silly you sound, do you? But if that’s what makes you come out, then yeah sure.’ He says.

And with that, you pull the door handle down so you can open the door.

Mason’s perched at the very end of your bed, his hands resting on his lap. He’s facing you, and you’re relieved to see that his dud are still shut, as promised. You stand there for what feels like an endless amount of time, too stunned to move. But slowly, his hands move from his lap and palms his face up, beckoning you over.

It’s all the cue you need, and you step forward, placing your hands on his forearms, your grip is still shaky. Whilst his eyes are still closed, he engulfs you into a hug. You have hugged Mason plenty of times, more than you can count, but never with you crying into his arms. One hand rubs your back while the other gently caresses your hair, but the tenderness and kindness he’s showing only makes you cry harder.

‘Can I open my eyes?’ He murmurs. All you can manage is a quick nod against his chest. He tries to pull back from the hug so he can face you, but you figure that he cant see your tear stained face if it’s buried in his hoodie, so you remain firmly planted in the hug.

A few moments pass like this, both pressed impossibly close to each other and you can feel your heart rate begin to calm as your tears slowly subside. The exhaustion has saturated your body as you feel as though you can fall asleep on his chest before you heard him speak.

‘You’ll tell me what I did wrong, won’t you?’

‘I want to, but I can’t,’ you tell him.

‘Why?’ He doesn’t sound annoyed, his voice has a playful tone to it with a twinge of worry.

‘Because-’ you whisper. ‘Because you’ll hate me.’

‘Impossible,’ he says. ‘You’re one of my best friends, I don’t think I could hate you even if I wanted to.’

‘As much as I want to tell you why I gave you that look tonight,’ your voice is slightly muffled with your face buried in his hoodie. ‘I know it will ruin our friendship and I don’t think I can bare losing you.’

‘You’re not making any sense. I thought I was the one who upset you,’ he manages to pull away, untangling my arms from around his neck. He slowly rises from his perch, towering above me as he rests his hand on my shoulders. You can’t look at him though, so you lock your gaze onto the floor. ‘Seriously, Y/N, you know I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to, but you’re starting to scare me.’ His confession makes your heart ache impossibly.

He brings his hand underneath your chin and slowly guides your face up to meet his. A few more tears escape your swollen eyelids, and he gently brushes them away. ‘I want to tell you,’ you avert your gaze, not being able to stand the intensity of his eyes on yours. ‘But I know how it’ll end. And I know you’ll resent me for it.’

‘Please don’t say that,’ he tries to meet your eyes. ‘There’s nothing that you could say to me right now that would make me even think about hating you, okay?’

‘But there is!’ You grip on to his forearms, relishing your closeness one last time. You know you’re going to be selfish you’ve ever been and ruin the most important thing in your life just to give yourself a moment of peace. ‘And I thought I was fine keeping it to myself, but I just can’t go on like this anymore.’

You stagger backwards, as you see the panicked look on his face. ‘I can’t eat or sleep,’ your fingers begin to nervously tangle themselves into your hair. ‘And I know you don’t deserve this, but I can feel myself going crazy and I know that I can’t keep this up.’

He slowly moves closer to you, his brow knotted in concern. ‘Keep what up?’

‘I can’t keep pretending that I’m not in love with you.’

There it is.

There’s no going back now.

He starts to say your name, but you cut him off quickly. ‘No, just let me finish,’ you bury your face in your hands, knowing damn well that you cannot possibly handle his reaction. You try your best to steady your breathing. ‘Because if I don’t do this now, it’ll just continue to eat away at me until I won’t even recognise myself.’

You take his silence as a cue to keep going. You remove your hands from your eyes but focus your attention on the floor. You eyes catch on a potted plant in the corner of the room by three window, and you keep your gaze focused on it as you utter your confession.

‘I thought it was just a little crush,’ your voice isn’t much louder than a whisper. ‘When we met a couple years ago. And then it was like one day I blinked and you and I had become best friends. I couldn’t remember a time when I was so happy.’

You’re crying now. You take another moment to gather your strength, and carry on, refusing to look up at him.

‘I thought us being friends would be enough, and for a while it was. I was fine loving you platonically, because I figured having you in my life as a friend would be better than not having you in my life at all. But my feelings never went away, they just continued to grow stronger and stronger and-’ you try to discreetly wipe your eyes. Your tears blurred your vision almost completely. ‘I knew you would never love me like I love you, because guys like you don’t date girls like me. The date models or influencers. The type of girl you brag to your friends about.’

‘I feel terrible because I’ve lied to you our entire friendship. I feel like this secret has just been festering inside of me and honestly I’ve been so miserable when I wake up everyday thinking this is it, this is the day you’ll find someone else and I’ll truly be nothing to you. But no matter how badly I try to protect myself from getting hurt in the end, I just can’t stay away from you.’ You let out a weak laugh.

You’re rambling now, you can feel it. You find it impossible to stop until he speaks. ‘What if I feel the same?’

You jerk your chin up to meet his eyes. He’s standing closer now, and you have to tilt your head back to maintain eye contact.

Your stubbornness got in the way. ‘No you don’t. You could never love me.’

It feels like time stops when he says, ‘who said that?’

You shake your head, and viciously swipe your hands under your eyes. ‘No, Mase. Don’t say things you don’t mean. I know we joke around a lot but I would never fuck around with your feelings like that.’ You can feel panic rising in your chest.

‘I’m-’ Mason tries to go on to say until you interrupt.

‘You don’t have to let me down gently.’

‘Please give me a chance to speak, will you?’ He grips your shoulders gently, placing his face close to yours. And then he goes on to saying something you would’ve never expected. ‘Could you just pump the breaks for a second so I can tell you that I’m in love with you too?’

You stood stunned for a while before you managed to come out with ‘what?’

‘You do realise that I’ve been crazy about you for years now, right? I just didn’t know where you stood so I never had the guts to ask you out,’ He lets out a breathy laugh and runs his hands through his hair. ‘Oh god if I had known that you liked me back even a little I would’ve said something! I–I just thought you never saw me like that,’ He trails off. He stops and turns to me suddenly. ‘Princess, I am so sorry. All this time you felt like you couldn’t be yourself around me, like you couldn’t just tell me how you felt.’

You’re still staring at him, dumbfounded. You’ve realized that you still haven’t stopped crying, much to your absolute humiliation. If what he’s saying is true, you think, then why on god’s green earth can’t you calm down? But at this point the panicked sobbing has taken a new shape, now strangely mixed with exhaustion, giddiness, and confusion. You attempt a smile, but you imagine it looks very off-putting, considering your emotional state.

His hand on your arm breaks you out of your thoughts. ‘Sorry,’ I furtively wipe your eyes. ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with me – I mean, I should be jumping up and down with joy, but,’ you release another shuddering breath. ‘I can’t seem to calm down.’

The look he gives you is one you’ve seen many times before, though you never knew how to describe it. Calling it a look of kindness or interest didn’t seem like it was enough to describe the depth of his stare, and it felt too far to call it a look of worry. Only now after these past few minutes have you understood what his gaze is implying. It was more than affection, it felt like love.

‘Hey,’ he murmurs. ‘It’s okay, you’ve been through quite a bit just now, baby.’

I laugh a little at that. ‘That’s a good way to sum it up.’

He smiles again, and your stomach does more than just flip, it somersaults and launches itself into a dive roll. And then he pulls you into his arms again, and though you can’t stop the tears leaving your eyes, you feel like you can at least control your breathing a bit more.

‘Now I know you have a tendency to overthink,’ he says after a moment or two. ‘But there can’t be any of that right now, alright? Don’t think about tomorrow or this new thing between us, alright?’

You pause, but relent with a small nod.

He continues. ‘I care about you like I always have, and my priority right now is to make sure you’re okay.’ His hand rubs reassuring circles on your back as he speaks. ‘It’s late now, and you must be exhausted after everything tonight.’

You let out a small hum of agreement. Now that he mentions it, you feel absolutely wiped out, and a dull pain has begun to take roots in your temples. Mason gently moves back, pushing a lock of hair behind your ear and taking in the sight of you in front of him. For what felt like the millionth time, you feel yourself becoming self-conscious. You know how red and swollen your face becomes after you’ve cried, and you’re willing to bet that the mascara running down your cheeks gives your features an added air of insanity.

‘How about you let me deal with some of the mess in the living room, while you wash your face and wind down a bit?’ he suggests.

‘Yeah,’ your breath still comes out a little shaky as you restate his commands. ‘No overthinking.’

He nods, satisfied with your answer. ‘And when I come back tomorrow, we’ll talk, and then you can let that brain of yours ask a hundred and one questions as it always does. But not until then,’ he finished with a smile.

You can feel your heart start to drop at his words

‘You’re not staying?’

The words are out before you can stop yourself. You know he doesn’t want you thinking about this new thing between us right now, but he has no idea how much overthinking you’ll do if he walks out that door. You know if he leaves, you’ll barely get a wink of sleep all night, wondering if our heated exchange was nothing more than a champagne-induced dream.

Mason looks at me with a smile. ‘Of course I can stay.’

‘Are you saying that because I asked, or because you actually want to?’ You shoot him an incredulous look

‘Let me tell you something, princess,’ he stares deeply into your eyes, refusing to let your gaze slip from his. ‘I’ve never, never left your side willingly.’

His words cause your breath to hitch and for your heart to constrict almost painfully, but you refrain from grabbing the skin over your chest, from making sure that your heart is, in fact, still beating.

‘I wanted you to know that you don’t owe me anything right now, and that we’re still – we’re still us,’ he says. ‘I didn’t want you to feel weird if I stayed the night, that’s all.’

You let out a soft breath. ‘Thank you, Mase,’ you whisper. ‘I trust you, you know that I do.’

‘Good,’ he replies. ‘That’s a relief because I honestly didn’t feel comfortable leaving my girl alone right now.’

You have to physically hold yourself back from grinning at his words. My girl. The thought of those two words, and all they could possibly imply, made me feel light-headed. All you can do is nod your head in agreement.

He gently brushes some hair behind your shoulders, giving you a soft grin. ‘So how about you get ready for bed, and I’ll grab a T-shirt from my car and put away the stuff in the living room. I’ll be back in a few minutes, alright?’

‘Okay, I think I can manage washing my face before I pass out,’ you say jokingly.

Mason chuckles as he walks out of the room. ‘That’s my girl.’

[sturniolowhore]

matt and chris fluff with anxious reader. matt struggles with anxiety and would be able to help reader with anxiety. chris has anxiety help experience from matt- just fluff and support 🧡💙

☁️ SWIM, WE'LL KEEP YOU AFLOAT

summary ⎯  reader has a bad day and finally ends up breaking when she's watching a movie with matt and chris (and basically what the request says)

warnings ⎯  mentions of anxiety, boyfriend!chris, bestfriend!matt, brief mention of bestfriend!nick, fem!reader, fluff, hurt and comfort

A/N ⎯ finally posting again!! thank you so much for 600 followers guys i love you so so much and i could not be more thankful. this request was the winner of the poll i did before but i will eventually be working on all of the requests so keep an eye out for them

i hope you enjoy <3

❛ ━━･❪ ִ ࣪𖤐 ❫ ･━━ ❜

anxiety for her feels like drowning. the overbearing thoughts start to flow a stream of her body, swimming through her mind until they begin to consume her entire being. a lot of the time she tries her hardest to ignore it, pretending it doesn't exist so she doesn't spend too much time thinking about it. it comes and it goes and she hates it. some days she'll be completely okay, not a single worry in her mind, yet others she'll feel like her head is being dunked under water and she can't breathe.

today feels like one of those days. things keep going wrong and she's not sure how much more she can take before she just breaks down. it's small elements piling up on top of one another and forming this mountain of worries that she can't seem to remove from her vision. despite her anxious state, she attempts to act as though nothing is wrong.

her head is currently laid on chris' chest with his arm slung around her shoulder. she's watching a movie with him and matt seeing as nick has gone out with madi. she'd be lying if she says she's actually watching the scenes in front of her though. the voices of the characters are echoing in her head and she can't quite keep up with everything. she's starting to feel worse by the second and she hates it so much. she especially hates it because she doesn't have a reason to be anxious, her body has just decided to keep her on edge for no apparent reason.

she can feel her mind working itself into overdrive as every recent worry she has is starting to build up into a cloud of despair. her eyes remain glued to the tv screen but her attention is somewhere else entirely.

she honestly doesn't even hear anything when chris first speaks up, "you okay ma? you're shaking."

chris taps at her shoulder lightly when he doesn't receive a response and she snaps out of her trance, turning to face him and offering a weak smile in the hopes that he won't catch onto her emotions. luck seemingly isn't on her side because chris' expression conveys pure sympathy. he pulls her closer to him and she clings onto his torso, turning her head so her face collides with his clothed chest.

her actions result in her entirely missing the look of concern both matt and chris share. they're aware something is definitely wrong now but as always, they don't want to force her into telling them how she feels. that's something she truly adores about them and nick too, for that matter. they allow her to go at her own pace and she's ever so thankful.

a tear falls from her eyes but of course she's the only one aware seeing as her face is hidden. she feels weak and she doesn't want to cry, especially when she doesn't know why she's crying. regardless of what she wants though, the tears still fall and eventually start to create a damp patch on chris' t shirt. he frowns as he feels the tears soak through the material and he gives a wary look to matt yet again.

"hey, it's okay come on, lift your head up baby," he strokes her hair softly and watches as she hesitantly lifts her head, coming up with a slightly choked sob that breaks his heart into a dozen pieces.

matt, who was previously sat on the other couch, stands up and makes his way to the couch she's sitting on. he sits beside her slowly and reaches a tentative hand to touch her shoulder, grounding her for a brief second as she continues to cry.

"i- i don't even know why i'm crying," she manages to get out, feeling all sense of composure she's been trying to hold onto wither away.

"hey, it's okay, we all get upset sometimes," matt's gentle voice sounds through the air and she could not be more thankful for the people she's surrounded by.

"has it been like this all day?" chris asks her warily, wanting to know a little more so he can provide her with the best comfort she so deeply deserves.

she nods her head sheepishly, wiping furiously at the tears spilling from her eyes. chris instantly moves her hands and replaces them with his own, stroking the tears away in a much gentler manner. she can also feel matt rubbing circles against her shoulder which both feel extremely delicate in contrast to the rough, jagged thoughts in her head.

"okay baby, we're going to play a little game. can you tell me five things you can see?" chris interrupts her train of thoughts and she can't help but smile because she knows exactly what he's trying to do.

"um, your t-shirt, your chain, the tv, fuck i can't. i'm sorry," she cries louder, hating how she can't do such a simple task.

"it's okay. let me go first and then you can try?" matt suggests and she nods slowly, making him continue, "i can see you and chris, i can see the other couch, i can see the tv and i can see my phone. can you try for us?"

"i can see chris, the wall, the mantlepiece, um- the table and the tv," she says ever so slowly but chris or matt don't make so much as a single comment about her taking too long; they simply wait patiently and continue to encourage her to keep going.

"there we go, i'm so proud. now four things you can feel. want me to go first?" chris asks and after a small sob escapes her lips, she nods her head in response.

"i can feel your pretty face on my chest, i can feel my chain on my neck, i can feel the couch and i can feel your hair tie on my wrist. come on ma, what are you feeling?" his voice is soft, so fucking soft and she wants to melt into it.

she hesitates but tries her best to overcome it and speak again, "i can feel your hand in- in my hair, matt's hand on my shoulder, the couch and uh- um..."

"slowly, only more thing. i can feel the pillow, can you feel it?" matt asks her, knowing she can certainly feel it.

she smiles at him, "mhm and i can feel the pillow."

"there we go, three things you can hear? oh that's a fun one," chris prompts her and she laughs lightly at his comment.

"the movie, my breathing and-" she stops, thinking and then smiling when chris starts to hum gently, "and your humming."

"you're doing so good," matt reassures her and she finds herself starting to relax more and more as the seconds pass.

"so good baby, i'm so proud of you," chris continues to comfort her softly with his hands, making her lean into his touch seeking the familiar sensation.

"two things you can smell?" matt queries, finding himself more relaxed at the fact that she's calming down too; he knows exactly how anxiety can get and he hates that she has to go through it when she's such a pure and loving individual.

"my perfume and i- i think chris' chapstick," she laughs with a little cough and chris rubs circles on her back lovingly.

"we're almost there ma, i just need to know what you can taste," chris tells her, smiling at her to show her that what she's feeling is allowed and that it doesn't change any feelings he has towards her like she fears it will. if anything, her strength makes him love her even more than he already does.

"i can't really taste anything..." she points out and chris thinks for a moment before an idea settles in his head.

"sorry matt," he says and before matt can question the apology, chris shortly but sweetly connects his lips with his girlfriend's before pulling away with a sheepish smile.

she shakes her head at him and laughs when matt playfully rolls his eyes. she licks at her lips and turns back to chris, "i can taste your chapstick."

"good job baby, i'm so proud of you. we love you so much," chris repeats like it's a mantra and she feels so much more calmer due to the brothers' love and comfort.

"you okay?" matt and chris ask her softly at the same time and she just feels so loved, so seen and she almost gets the urge to cry again but not because she's upset, rather because the people surrounding her make her feel ever so lovely and eased.

"i'm okay," she replies and she's so happy when she takes in the fact that it's genuinely the truth.

the lump in her throat has disappeared and her heart appears to be beating at a regular rate once more. she silently smiles to herself, still leaning into chris' touch and indulging in matt's casual chatter. everything feels normal again and she's beyond grateful. her head feels like it has been lifted from the water and suddenly she feels like she can swim again.

❛ ━━･❪ ִ ࣪𖤐 ❫ ･━━ ❜

tags: @mattslolita @sturniolololover @mattsleftnipple03 @that-general-simp

[belindarimbi13]

my thoughts on the color version of mitsuya's design.

For a long time, I always had the impression that the dress is in black and white colors.

Like, I've written enough Doramitsu fics to emphasize these colors.

... The renowned dragon soars up to the heavens in light cashmere, and the other dragon falls to earth, draped in heavy velvet seeking for love ...

For anyone asking why, it never occurred to me that the color could be in any spectrum of red, because I regarded the velvet in the sentence as the type of fabric Mitsuya used, rather than the color of the dress.

Before the fan translation came out, since I cannot speak Japanese, I somehow thought that the darker one would represent Draken and the light one would represent Mitsuya. I remember seeing the design and thought to myself about how it resembled Draken in volume 25. So the darker one must be Draken's!

But the description throws me off because one seemed to symbolize someone's going to heaven and the other fell onto earth, seeking for love. Considering the story behind Mitsuya's design, of course I would think that:

Light = Draken

Dark = Mitsuya

I used this formula for years. God knows, I'm writing enough coda/post-canon for chapter 238-239 using that formula.

But who would have fucking known that I was actually wrong right all along?

Now, let's talk about this official confirmed color version of the manga.

The darker one apparently consisted of red color with a gold accent. While the light one as you can see, is all white.

And we definitely could not ignore the fact that the model of each design is having a certain someone's hair right?

It looked a lot like Draken here.

And Mitsuya here.

And don't tell me that those color compositions didn't remind us of them?

Now, I know that sometimes the colored version didn't match the anime. Like here's Draken's hoodie was black, not red.

But take a closer look at these designs and tell me that this is not the representation of Draken

and that this is not the representation of Mitsuya

The color version caught me off guard, especially since Wakui decided to give the model's hair, Draken and Mitsuya's hair colors. This is a fucking representation of them at the finest, Mitsuya reinvent Twin Dragons through his design. In every sense.

I just found out, how far he went for that.

Those designs could be interpreted in many ways, but one thing is for sure.

Don't. Tell. Me. Mitsuya. Didn't. Love. Draken.

Because he did, he does, and he will always do.

[thestarfishinjootsoffice]

Hiii can I request the slashers x teen! Reader who has Short curly hair but is insecure about it so they straighten it

(I don't care about the type of curly hair it can be up to you but if you want to add one can it be 3c💖)

As a person who has straight hair and literally no one else in my life has curly hair and I've never used a straightener in my life. I'm sorry if I get anything wrong. Just correct me!

I'll try to post more consistently I SWEAR THIS TIME!!!

Also extremely sorry for the pov changes, I change the pov writing depending on the characters if this bothers you please let me know.

Apology for disappearing on you guys for 3-2 months 😍

Warnings: reader being pretty insecure about their hair, they're straightening their hair 24/7 here apparently. Not much stuff.

Slashers included: Michael, billy and stuu and jasonnn

Relationship: platonic.

Slashers x teen! Reader who's insecure about their short curly hair! (3c)

Michael

He didn't really care at first how your really curly hair suddenly goes straight the next days and after. And just when it started to curl more it goes straight again.

At first he thought you straightened it because it must've been in your way or maybe you felt hot?

But inevitably it was a repeating pattern he saw. On really rare occasions you let your curls show in its true glory.

But he didn't really do anything about it or care because... Why would he? He's got people to kill.

......

That night he sat down on the couch with you. The electricity went out just before you could've straightened your hair. It was getting more puffy and curly.

Tugging on the ends of your hair to make it look a bit straight. (And also to distract yourself from looking noticeably nervous.) You stayed still uncomfortably as Michael sat eerily silent next to you as he always does. But he was sitting while looking at you so it was especially creepy.

"Uhm... Did I do something wrong?"

The only source of light was the burning candle slowly melting. Giving it a nice look.

The fact he didn't answer for a few minutes freaked you out even more. Suddenly the floor and literally everywhere else where Michael isn't in your line of sight looks interesting.

You jump a little when you feel a hand on yours where you were tugging on your hair and lift it down.

You look over to the mask of Michael and stare into the black sockets of the holes where his eyes should be visible. He points to your hair and then he gives a thumbs up. It was a bit slow, but he was telling you he really meant it.

At this point you don't even know how to feel. Your apathetic seemingly emotionless psychotic serial killer father figure was telling you that he thinks your hair looks good?

You feel a couple tears prickly at your eyes. Feeling a slight burning sensation in your throat and nose. Without much of a thought running through your hair you hug him, he absolutely does not like physical contact of course but right now he feels like the most safest person at the moment.

(Ps: *whispers* he loves your hairrrrr)

Billy n stu

It was without a doubt they love your hair but you still decided to be a teenager.

Setting your straightener on your table with a 'thud' sound, You stare at how your hair looks in the mirror. Sighing slightly you move yourself from your chair and head down stairs to your two psycho dads.

Stu was the one to immediately point it out after he saw you, "hey y/n! Why do you always straighten your hair?"

Whatever excuse-answer you gave them they weren't completely convinced but didn't want to push you any further. Well Billy did. Stu is just.... Stu. (Stu was stopped luckily)

After the day went by and you were in your bed. Today wasn't so bad. You were planning to either sleep and hope when you wake up it's not a bad day Or just burn your eyes with your phone in the dark.

Just when you were about to lie down you heard your door creek ajar. You turn your head around and see your dads just standing there in front of your door. They both looked kind of nervous.

You were about to ask a question but billy walked up next to you, setting himself down on the mattress of your bed you feel it dip a bit. Stu followed closely behind. Billy gently places a hand on your shoulder.

"What's this interrogation?"

"Uh- well we wanted to talk to you about something." Stu smiles though it looks a bit forced.

"... Well what is it?"

"Well... Do you like your hair??"

"... You made it seem so intense, and all you wanted to ask was if I liked my hair or not?" You honestly thought they were going to say the cops were outside or something. Not asking you that.

"Yes, now answer the question." Billy said it looking directly at you. If it were in a nutshell he would've probably had a gun pointed at you.

You were debating whether or not you wanted to be truthful.

"I guess so..." Your answer sounded extremely doubtful and uncertain. Which of course wasn't gone unnoticed by the two killers attending by you.

"Y/n.." Billy said softly.

"What's wrong?"

His question was met with an agonizing short but seemingly endless streak of silence. Both the men in the room already knew what was wrong but wanted to hear it from your mouth.

Stu sighed, he leaned against you.

"Y/n, if there's anyone who's bothering you , you can always tell us. If not... Then I'll teach my teenage child that they can't rebel love against their hair."

You smiled at this.

For them to act so serious on something so small...

You realised all your energy has disappeared and right now you want to shut your mind and body down for a couple hours.

Jason (let's just say there's electricity in one of the cabins)

He didn't understand. Didn't understand why you seemed to always straighten your hair. He loved the way your hair just bundles up into curly twirly shapes.

He does love your straight hair but he loves your natural hair even more. He tries hard not to let it get to him but overtime it starts to curious him greatly.

Another day of hunting down rabbits or other small creatures or going swimming for you to survive. Jason doesn't need it but eats whatever you make because who doesn't like sitting down eating their child's home cooked meal?

You noticed your hair had started to get more puffy. Feeling a wave of discomfort and insecurity you start to head to where your room was.

"Hey dad, I'm just gonna do something real quick."

Nodding he went to grab the vegetables and other ingredients while he waited for you. 5 minutes nothing. 10 minutes also nothing. After 5 minutes he went to check up on you but then you barged out of your door.

"Sorry! It took longer than i thought it would."

The first thing he noticed about you was your now straightened hair. He frowned in the inside of his mask he stared for a while

"Is something wrong? Did I take too long?"

He shook his head slightly. He turned around and lead you to the kitchen.

---------

He placed the empty dirty plate and bowl in the sink as he watched you clean the table.

His eyes lingered on the back of your hair. He takes a few silent steps next to you and waits until you either notice him or finish cleaning. He was pretty nervous if he was being honest. But it's not like he can't do anything about this kind of thing.

"Okay I'm do-" You had 3 jump scares and 5 heart attacks that you managed to keep inside you when you turned around and see your masked huge behemoth of a father right. Next. To your face. You back up a bit.

"Do you need something?" You asked with a nervous smile and laugh. He doesn't say anything for a few seconds but he raises both of his hands, tbh rn. You're pretty fucking scared even though he's technically your father he's never done something like this before.

His hands are on the sides of your hair and then he starts scrunching them. The ends of your hairs directly lying on his palms and he starts squeezing them softly for a second, letting go and repeating it again.

It takes you a hot minute to even have an idea of what he was trying to do but then you realised he was trying to curl them up! You don't do anything. You don't even know what to do. You look at him speechless after he's done.

Your hair is probably really messy and uneven right now but you can't pay it that much mind when he gives you an ok sign.

Before you could react he has you in a crushing hug. You don't really mind how strong it was this time though. Just the warm feeling of your father's bone crushing hug.

_________________

Wanted to write for Hannibal but didn't know wtf he would do 💀

[myaoiboy]

okay so i saw that post that said "to be loved is to be changed, but in a horrific and unasked for transformation" and this is so snotacon both sides to me.

I mean, think about it. Otacon can't *kill* someone when Snake meets him, and that's true in two ways. Yeah, physically he's a spindly litte nerd who literally couldn't hurt someone if his life depended on it, but he couldn't do it mentally either. He designs weapons. That's a far cry from actually *using* them. He's a pencil pusher who wanted to build giant robots and was willing to believe that MG Rex wouldn't actually be used.

How long do you think *that* lasted, living, working with a mercenary? At what point do you think it sunk in that if he wanted to actually achieve anything with Philanthropy he was going to have to be okay with lethal force being involved?

Surely we don't think everything was non-lethal up to the tanker? I mean, he has to explain the tranqs work at the beginning of the mission, so it's probably new to him, right? So what were they doing before that? And they don't ask themselves if they should pull out when it becomes apparent that lethal force may be necessary, so clearly these won't be the start of Philanthropy's body count.

So when was the point that he resigned himself to the fact that he was going to have to be a lot closer to death and direct killing than he ever had been before? Did Snake insist on having final judgment off the bat? Did Otacon try to convince him that they needed to do it non-lethally, did they run a mission, maybe even a few come off clean, only for something to go terribly wrong? Did they get out by the skin of their teeth? Did Snake have to kill someone, and Otacon get upset by this first death? And did they have an argument where Snake points out that he is the one that has to pay the price for Otacon's personal mission against killing?

:)

But that's all so obvious. Killing is bad, etc.

What about Snake?

I think the idea of caring for anyone is scary to him. Especially the extent to which he cares about Otacon.

I mean, half of his utility is in the fact that he just doesn't give a shit about himself, and has nobody left that gives a shit about him. He doesn't have anything to hold him back from giving 110% to the mission. If he dies, he dies. What does he care? He's a washed up alcoholic with PTSD previously known only to shrimps.

And he clearly values his utility. Even in 4, it's how he refers to himself. "An old killer." What use is he if he's concerned about whether he'll make it home in one piece.

When do you think that sinks in to him? Do you think was the first time Otacon told him to drop the mission and get back safe when things took a turn? Do you think he'd ever been in a situation where someone cared more about his life than whatever they were sending him to do? Do you think Kaz even pretended to genuinely care about his safety in the field? Forget Campbell, that's right out, he couldn't even let Snake be as he's fucking dying. Do you think he tried to finish it out first, only for Otacon to beg and scream at him that he was serious?

Or do you think it was when he got hurt, badly hurt, and he sees Otacon sitting over him at night, making sure he's okay, changing his bandages, and out of the corner of his eye he sees a hand wipe away tears, or hears a quiet sniffle, because Otacon realized how close he was to losing Snake.

Or maybe comms get cut unexpectedly during a shootout, and he gets sidetracked, held up somewhere, makes it back to the rendezvous point just under the wire, and Otacon is bawling because he really thought he lost Snake for good this time.

Do you think Snake realizes that at first? Do you think he's too obtuse to realize the tears are over him? Are from fear for him?

At what point do you think he realizes that the numbness he's fostered, that's been intentionally fostered in him (remember, he's the "Cipher-backed son", he's been moved from foster family to foster family more times than he can count, made intentionally to feel disposable, for the sake of creating a perfect soldier) has been replaced with this new pain, this fear, not even for himself, but for Otacon, for the gaping hole he realizes he'll leave in Otacon's life if something's to happen?

At what point do you think Snake realized that he'd turned a regular civilian into a mercenary, in mind if not body?

At what point do you think Otacon realized he'd fundamentally taken a US military asset and broken it over his knee?

[minecraftrelatedrandomness]

u/JustALittleButtonHatRat:

AITA for not wanting to burn a dried mushroom?

I (adult M?) am staying in a huge mansion with several of my friends for the winter. Two of those friends are O (adult M) and S (adult M), the latter of whom I swear is a witch. A couple of weeks ago, I went exploring in the basement of the house and found a dried blue mushroom with orange spots; I decided to keep it because I thought it was pretty.

A few days ago, after a very dangerous incident involving sizeshifting cat clones (blame S for that), some of my friends and I went to the boiler room of the house and saw it was filled with this blue fungus that was the exact same thing as my mushroom. Apparently, there's an infestation of it in there (O planted one in there to get rid of an insect infestation and then it spread out of control all over the place), and they give off toxic spores that can kill everyone if you breathe them in. O and some of S's family members apparently got killed by breathing in those spores (don't worry, O's okay now).

I then pointed out that I had my dried mushroom and nothing's ever happened to me because of it. O and S panicked and told me to burn my mushroom, with S wanting to confiscate it in order to destroy it. I refused to, because maybe it's harmless if it's dried like mine? I was okay the whole time I had it.

S then opened a way into the toxic spore boiler room, apparently to show me how unsafe it is to go in there? He said it was a warning, but I told him outright that it sounded like a threat.

Later, I talked with my lawyer friend about this and they said maybe we could have used my dried mushroom to investigate more about this kind of mushroom, especially because S (who is, as I said, a witch) might be able to make something that can make us immune to the toxic spores.

I suggested this to them, but S said that "nothing good can come of it" and refused to, and that witchcraft always goes wrong whenever we used it (re: sizeshifting cat clones. Also, another friend E and I got turned into cats once because of a potions accident; it was a whole thing, don't worry, we're back to normal now). When they told me to throw the mushroom in, I faked it and threw in something else instead… I just couldn't do it. My mushroom never did anyone harm for as long as I've had it.

I couldn't keep it a secret for very long after that because my lawyer friend made me swear I did, and I ended up giving the mushroom to S so he could burn it.

AITA for wanting to keep the mushroom? I'm really sad just thinking about it now.

Edit 1: For context, S is the resident farmer and chef among our friends; O is the resident tinkerer/engineer/scientist guy, and we joke that he makes all of the rules.

Edit 2: It's been about a week and a half since the incident and S gave me a replica mushroom he made as a Christmas present. Should I forgive him?

[Out-of-universe disclaimers: The entire post would, in theory, have probably been written with the help of other rats because this would chronologically take place before "A Letter to Home". I'm hand-waving the "how they got the mushroom" part because r!Will canonically did not remember this, but let's just assume (for the purposes of this post) that we as fleas/chat reminded them of this by tracking the VODs.]

[This post was written at the request of @willowmvp.]

[Cross-posted on AO3 as "The Mushroom Incident".]

[wavernot4love]

hello fun 2ourdust albany things (note i typed this at like 4:30 am last night when i simply couldn't sleep but then passed out before i could post it so it may not be the most coherent)

- pete talking about upstate being special 2 him due to memories of taking a bus to a tattoo parlor in syracuse and feeling inspired by all these cool achc dudes... god i love hardcore scene lore fob stuff ESPECIALLY when upstate gets brought into it

- reinventing the wheel for the first time in apparently seventeen YEARS (i take full responsibility for making this happen due to my showing up in my tttyg crewneck /s)

- andy waved to us!! long story short about 30 of us were waiting by the wrong buses sadly & just barely missed pete & patrick meeting folks by the right ones. we were pretty heartbroken when we came over & found out, but a combination of the andy thing & meeting/trading bracelets/caroling along to folie songs (if ya know ya know) with cool folks turned waiting after the show into a fond memory regardless. i love the fob community, dude. t/2ourdust has changed everything for me.

and still i just find it worth noting how sick it is that this tour pete & patrick have been taking the time to come out & talk w folks. you don't see that much with bands playing arena shows and it makes me happy to see.

- lots of celebration for the smfs anniversary!

muse live (shit is INCREDIBLE live dude), kintsugi & what a time to be alive for medley, lil pete speech about the record.

- ginasfs instead of sixteen candles as a wild card again!!! i cannot believe i have heard her three times now when if you asked me two years ago i never would have thought i'd hear her once!

- smfs is definitely a worthy replacememt for srar in every sense. i appreciate both similarly, and i love that they recall tourdust's srar performance in the sense of it serving as a great medley transition, also in regard a to collaboration (everyone joining in to sing at the end, in this case joe especially)

- that reminds me, it seemed like pete did a lot of backing vox tonight which was nice

- i may only really know a handful of jimmy songs well but great band and jim adkins is one of those people that just seems nice. i like watching the dude do his thing.

- seeing hot mully in an arena was crazy. was pretty sad they cut featuring mark hoppus but still was nice 2 see them

- i remain wholly not a fan of seated shows, at least not for this kinda music, that did get me down at a couple points as i just can't move the way i wanna (not being able to mosh to cbts etc like at tourdust sucked, as well as just being confined to my seat/row all night) & also it seems to keep the crowd in general way more stagnant.

but at least i could see well + no one around me was particularly disrespectful!!

i also respect fob's ability to make a concert at an arena like this still feel like a SHOW (in the scene sense)

- and finally, have nightmare quality pete randomly crawling inside the inflatable dog (i am currently forgetting dude's name)

[the-badger-mole]

There's A Difference

I think I've said this before- in fact, I'm almost certain I've said this within the last few months- but the reason I can't let Aang's actions be dismissed by his age is because his worst traits are never addressed in canon. The reason why I personally find him very incel-ish is because the grown men who created him and project onto him strike me as incel-ish (and yes, I'm aware that at least one of them is/has been married. Incel is more of a frame of mind than an actual state of being). Aang could have had a growth arc, but instead Bryke chose to either ignore his flaws or make them out to be virtues. I'm judging Aang as a character, not a child. Because Aang is not an actual child. An actual child might have been confronted on the things Aang did. Aang is a character whose creators want fans to think is perfect, even when they themselves introduce the idea he might not be (Aang's being a terrible father is not that surprising to me, but even then Bryke had to scramble to tell us he wasn't actually that bad 🙄)

I am a lot less harsh with Zuko because he actually faced the consequences of his poor decisions. He worked to make amends not only for himself, but for his family. I empathize with his losses and his personal tragedies because the narrative actually cared about how those things affected him in just about every episode, unlike Aang, whose devastating losses are only touched on when they're convenient to that episode's plot. Otherwise, he is the picture of unbothered to the point that I question if he even knew most of the time that he was in a war (the answer, it would turn out in the penultimate episode, was no, apparently not). There's not much I can criticize Zuko on that wasn't already touched on within the show. Why would I judge Book 3 Zuko based on Book 1 Zuko (who btw, I still think was a much better rounded character than Aang in any of the series)?

When it comes to Katara and the misogyny inherent in how she was treated in her canon ship? Well, I can only point to canon and aks to be proven wrong. Katara had very little to do with the development of Kataang during the series, and that little was usually prompted by someone or something outside of her own thoughts and feelings bringing the idea up. Meanwhile, we know from the beginning that Aang likes Katara (well, he likes how she looks anyway). His feelings matter to the narrative: Katara's not so much. Then the disastrous comics where Katara's character from the show is completely stripped from her and she ends up being the cheerleader girlfriend of the Avatar. I know some of that is walked back in the more recent comics, but we already know how it ends for Katara and her kids. Also, the post LoK scramble to give Katara more agency honestly just makes me think that my original assessment of her relationship with Aang was spot on.

Zutara, in my opinion, would have been a great relationship for them both. They would've been just about perfect together, because as hot tempered as they can both be, they also both get really good at communicating with each other, which is something that Katara never really has with Aang. That's why it doesn't surprise me to find out how dysfunctional their family is. Katara and Zuko know how to work together as a team. In a relatively short time, they got comfortable opening up to each other. They are both passionate to the point that they can be really hot-headed, but they are both also extremely empathetic and compassionate. They are a couple that would've helped each other grow, and would have been so much more interesting than anything that happened with their actual canon relationships.

I get that there are people who would rather believe that Aang could outgrow his selfishness. That's totally valid, and has made for some great stories. However, I don't think saying the way he was written in canon has shades of incel is wrong. Especially by Book 3. I could see that guy growing up to be a viciously obnoxious narcissist. I bet those of us who know an "Aang" IRL can picture that, too.

[merlot-and-chardonnay]

My (Very Long) Take on the Blacks and Greens Debate

A day or so ago, I posted a poll concerning which was team Green or team Black (and who didn't want to choose), and maybe some of you probably want my two cents on it. And even if you don't, I'll give it anyway cause I really want to talk about the discourse.

First off, I kinda find the Blacks vs Greens debate to be...well a little reductionist (and I know people might take offense at that so please hear me out to the end if you can).

I think the bulk of the debate boils down not necessarily who you think would be the more suited ruler, but more like who do you like as a person (or people) or who do you hate so much that you think they deserve everything coming their way. For example, I notice people who are mostly team Black tend to idolize Rhaenyra and put her on such a pedestal that they see her through this rose tinted lens that she is saintly, that she did nothing wrong, and that she would make a perfect ruler. Additionally, I notice Team Black also hates on Alicent major time, seeing her as some catty, manipulative bitch who hates Rhaenyra cause she births bastards and gets away with pretty much everything without accountability. On the other side, people who are Team Green I notice idolize Alicent and her children and shit on Rhaenyra major time cause they see her as spoiled and entitled and would kill her siblings without a second thought should she ascend the throne.

And this tend to be reflective in the fanfic writes who are either vehemently team Black or Green

I kinda understand where people are coming from, but the discourse is really more nuanced than that. And to see the nuances get erased just really creams my corn sometimes:

So now allow me to present my two cents.

I find the debate reductionist because it doesn't really take into account other factors that led to there being these polarized sides in the first place: When we think about the show (and the book), how the events in the season that lead up to the Dance of Dragons, I actually think about the very first scene with the Great Council of 101 when King Jaehaerys named his new successor, being Viserys

The moment Viserys was considered above Rhaenys by the Westerosi nobles, that pretty much codified the line of succession, being that the eldest male descendent will supersede any of the women in his family; even though Rhaenys was the oldest descendent, even though she was the daughter of Prince Aemon, Jaehaerys' oldest son and Heir Apparent before his untimely death, she was overlooked in favor of Viserys, who was the eldest son of the king's second son Prince Baelon who also had an untimely death (Baelon was also deemed by the nobles as the next Heir Apparent when he was still alive).

And going on a brief tangent here, this wasn't the first time the line of succession was questioned for the Targaryens due to gender optics. In fact, when Jaehaerys first took the Iron Throne at the age of 14, after the death of his uncle Maegor, his claim was initially challenged by his sister Princess Rhaena, whose late husband was Aegon the Uncrowned i.e. the one was supposed to sit the Iron Throne next as the oldest son of the late King Aenys before Maegor usurped him. Rhaena and Aegon had twin daughters, Aerea and Rhaella. Aera was the oldest, and Rhaena insisted that her daughter be next in line for the throne since she saw her husband as the rightful ruler before the usurping. Long story short, Rhaena and Aerea were overlooked in favor of Jaehaerys.

Later, we see Viserys and Aemma Arryn, even though they had Rhaenyra, struggle to produce a male heir, and until that actually happened, Daemon was seen as Heir Apparent over his niece. Nobody actually considers the possibility that Rhaenyra could sit the throne next, they all assume her uncle would be next should Viserys and Aemma fail to produce a son, and that worries the nobles greatly, especially Otto Hightower who sees Daemon as a potential Maegor should he sit the throne next. In fact, Otto suggested to Viserys to name Rhaenyra as official heir after the death of Queen Aemma and her son, both for the sake of optics, and to save the realm from falling into chaos at the hands of Daemon. The man was so scared at the thought of Daemon being king, he flat out convinces Viserys to name his daughter heir, but only under the assumption that Viserys would eventually remarry and finally produce a son to further the line (something Otto definitely took advantage of when he had Alicent start visiting the king to comfort him in his grief).

This is when we see Viserys finally give into the pressure of his council to remarry. He took Alicent to wife and had a total of three sons and one daughter with her, which is more then enough boys to satisfy the line of succession. Yet, both in book and show, Viserys never renounced his succession, never disinherited Rhaenyra despite her reckless actions (and he points out to Rhaenyra in Episode 4 that this would NOT have been the case if these things happened under Jaehaerys' rule). Despite this, Otto and many others were still expecting Aegon to inherited the throne. Even more so when Rhaenyra "allegedly" birthed bastards with Harwin Strong when she was married to Laenor Velaryon.

This all showcases, more than anything, how incredibly sexist this society is. Not just because Aegon is expected to supersede Rhaenyra in succession because he is a man, but also how this society would be quicker to punish the woman for her misdeeds over the man (i.e when Rhaenyra is held under heavier scrutiny for her three oldest children being potential bastards by someone who is not her husband when her brother Aegon was confirmed to have fathered bastards of his own despite being married with legitimate children).

The influences and expectations of this society are part of what led to the divide between the Blacks and the Greens, but there are also personal and individual factors as well:

For example, Otto, being a man of great ambition, seized the opportunity to plant seeds in gaining influence over the realm the moment he sent his daughter Alicent to read to Viserys as means to comfort him after the death of his beloved Aemma (which wouldn't have happened if Aemma was never pressured to produce a son, but I digress). Alicent, being a good girl and a product of her society, does as she is told, which ultimately led to Viserys choosing her to be his new wife (worth noting Alicent never got an actual say in whether she wanted this or not).

For more insight, the Hightowers are the Lords of Oldtown, which is the original seat of the Faith of the Seven. House Hightower is arguably the most devoted House to this Faith due in part to that history. Alicent herself is pretty devout to the teachings of the Seven, compared to Rhaenyra who prefers to do her own thing. Many of those teachings include that women are supposed to be devoted wives and mothers, not meant to rule but to guide the men in their lives who do rule, which in Alicent's case are her father the Hand of the King, and her husband the actual king (and when Viserys passes, she was meant to guide her oldest son in his rule).

I think Alicent sees herself as someone who is good and righteous because of her devotion to the Seven, and by upholding these ideals both from religion and society, by doing her duty, she believes blessings should be coming her way.

In actuality, Alicent is a prisoner of her surroundings; she was married off to a man she did not love at a very young age, and became a mother a very young age too, she lays in bed with her husband at nights merely for the sake of fulfilling her wifely duties and not out of love or pleasure, and she is expected by her father to raise Aegon to be the king this realm needs.

All these things make Alicent miserable, but she soldiers on as best she can, because deep down she feels it is her duty.

In contrast, Rhaenyra is not devoted to the Faith as Alicent is, nor is she one to follow society's expectations. She is a bold, rebellious, and does what she wants with little regard for others' feelings; she swears, she speaks out of term in a man's presence (refer to when she was serving wine to the council members when they were discussing the Stepstones back in Episode 2), she disobeys her father when she flies to Dragonstone to deescalate the situation there, and she defies her father's expectations when she was expected to take a husband (even more so when she cut her betrothal tour short at the start of Episode 4). She sneaks out with Daemon into town and into the Street of Silk where she had her sexual awakening, and being left wanting for more pleasure (cause her uncle couldn't follow through) she heads back to the Keep and uh, coerces Criston Cole to sleep with her and take her maidenhead (worth noting Rhaenyra did all this with little regard to Criston's oath to the Kingsguard or the fact he could've been killed for breaking his oath if they got caught).

All this being done before allegations against her and her three oldest sons were held against her.

Rhaenyra is the antithesis of society's expectations, yet she does not feel bad about her choices, even if others would consider such choices to be indecent and an affront in the sight of gods and men. She is the blood of the dragon after all.

I think in Alicent's mind, the way she sees Rhaenyra carrying on like this, it makes her jealous on a subconscious level; here this good devout girl had only done what had been told of her for the sake of realm, gods, and family, doing what good ladies are supposed to do, but she is nothing but bitter for her circumstances, yet Rhaenyra is not a good girl by society's standards. She is a rebel and has more agency in her life compared to Alicent, and she is happier for it.

And I think Alicent, after being told by her father that the realm will never accept Rhaenyra as heir, and that Alicent's children's lives will be forfeit should Rhae ascend the throne because of this, there is a confirmation bias on Alicent's part when she sees Rhaenyra behaving as she is. This was further confirmed that night on Driftmark when Luke took Aemond's eye and Rhaenyra tried to make it look like her sons where the sole victims in all this for being called bastards and not Aemond who LOST HIS FREAKING EYE! THE KID LOST HIS EYE AND RHAENYRA WAS PREPARED TO HAVE HIM INTERROGATED OVER A FEW INSULTS.

Sorry about the rant. I'm calm now, let us continue.

Yeah, that was a pretty shitty thing for Rhaenyra to do, but at the same time, if Viserys did decide to actually acknowledge Jace, Luke, and Joffery were indeed bastards, Rhaenyra would probably be expected to be punished for this, be it execution for treason or best case sent into exile (kinda similar to how Sera Targaryen was exiled by her father Jaehaerys because she shameless lost her maidenhead to a man/men she fancied instead of waiting to get married). (Again, this also showcases the sexism of this society).

Rhaenyra is not a saint, that much I can agree on with the pro Greens side...

But neither is Aegon.

Yes, I am going there (content warning up ahead).

First off, Aegon is a lazy drunken slob, there is no question about that. Like Rhaenyra, he is also one to indulge in whatever vices deem his fancy on any given day, be it drowning in excess in cups of wine, cheating on his wife with whomever will have him (or not, as we sadly saw in Episode 8), and fathering bastards with little regard for the kind of image that produces.

This is clearly a major source of grief for Alicent, especially when Aegon takes servants against their will, resulting in Alicent having to pick up the pieces and put out the fires he leaves in his wake. (please note how fast the moon tea was delivered in that scene following what happened to Dyana the serving girl- this was clearly not the first time something like this has happened).

Aegon does what he wants with no regard for others, yet Alicent, even though she will scold her son for this indecent and shameful behavior, chooses to cover up for him, which unironically leads to Aegon continuing to do these things.

ALICENT, YOU ARE ONLY ENABLING YOUR SON, YOU ARE NOT DOING HIM ANY FAVORS BY COVERING UP FOR HIS BAD BEHAVIOR.

Sorry, had to get that off my chest. I'll continue:

Aegon does not care for optics or the family image. He is much like his older sister in this way. (and if I'm being honest, as someone who's also watched the entirety of Bojack Horseman more than once, I actually would partly compare Aegon's life to that of Bojack...maybe I should write a post for that).

But he is not under the intense scrutiny Rhaenyra is constantly under for her choices, again pointing to the sexism of this society.

From the same vein, however, I'd also argue the reason Aegon is the way he is because of the way he was raised. Pro Blacks will be quick to point the blame to Alicent, and yes I can agree on that, given how her first instinct is to slap sense into Aegon when he steps out of line, but she is not the only player here. Viserys was basically an absentee parent regarding his children with Alicent (granted, I could cut him some slack due to his declining illness, but the man still could've put a little more effort here), not taking any kind of active role in raising his children. Honestly though, Viserys taking passive over active stances is his status quo, both in his parenting and his ruling, so nothing really new there.

And then there is Otto...actually I don't quite know what is Otto's relationship to his grandchildren, particularly to Aegon, but I think it may be safe to assume there isn't much warmth there. Otto after all sees Aegon has something of a pawn, someone to (presumptuously) look highly and favorably on House Hightower should he ascend the throne when Viserys passes.

It's pretty telling how Aegon breaks down in tears when he laments to his mother how no matter what he does it will never be enough for either of his parents. It's even more telling when he asks Alicent on the day of his coronation if she loves him.

Makes one wonder if Alicent ever told him that once in his life.

Despite his tragic and loveless life, it doesn't excuse the fact that Aegon is a toxic person; If Aegon was to become king, it likely would only intensify his toxic behavior. Being king, after all, he wouldn't have to answer to anyone regarding his actions.

But this is not to say Rhaenyra would be much better at ruling. Now one could argue she'd be better on grounds that she actually wants to be Queen since she was named heir. As burdensome as the title of heir is, she seemed to find the idea of ruling as Queen of the Iron Throne appealing on some level, given how she told Rhaenys in Episode 2 that she planned to establish a new order as Queen (prior to Rhaenys doing her best to give Rhaenyra the hard truth that she may end up being disinherited should Viserys remarry and finally produce a son with his wife).

To put it bluntly, Rhaenyra strikes me as something of a girlboss, to put into modern terms, and if she were to rule as Queen, she would likely rule as...well a girlboss.

Additionally, Rhaenyra was never really given the tools to properly prepare to rule as a monarch, to which I would pin the blame on Viserys for that. Since he was the one to name an heir, the onus to prepare said heir to rule should have been on him, but we didn't really see that.

Rhaenyra also didn't really prepare herself either. She had to have known her status as heir did hang in the balance somewhat because of her gender, surely she should've known on some level she would need to fight to show the people she had the makings of a decent ruler. And yes, it sucks that the reason she would need to do that is because she is a woman, but it's still something she should've thought to prepare for.

Instead, Rhaenyra spent the remainder of Viserys' rule on Dragonstone, hiding away from most of the court and unable to form alliances, and then expecting the Lords to swear fealty to her fully once her father passed and she became Queen, not really expecting said lords to take the Greens side and expect Aegon to be king instead.

Now I could argue that Rhaenyra probably was prepared to fight when she proposed that she and Daemon marry, when she told Daemon she needed him by his side to prepare to fight the Greens for her birthright.

And this was something, I think, Daemon took to mean it would be a physical fight, a war, when he started gathering eggs from the Dragonmount for the warming chambers and mentally calculating the number of dragons the Blacks had compared to the Greens in Episode 10, when they really both should've tried to play the game from a political angle.

As much as the Daemyra ship makes me giddy, Daemon may not have been the best match for Rhaenyra from an optics point. He's unhinged, unpredictable, and craves violence above all else. His first instinct is to fight and cause harm.

It really doesn't help that basically the first public thing Daemon did when he and Rhaenyra returned to King's Landing was decapitate a man in Court when he shouted the one thing everyone else was thinking, and basically not being held accountable afterwards (not even a slap on the wrist).

In conclusion, the Blacks and Greens divide is a nuanced combination of personal choices and societal expectations. The Dance of Dragons is a tragedy that was the result from all these choices made by the characters in the story (or not making decisions on Viserys' part), choices that would eventually impact the Targaryen dynasty down the line and ultimately it's decline and eventual downfall.

The discourse is really not about who you think would make a better ruler, or who even deserves to rule...it's about how the choices made impacts the determined the course of the future, and how people are more often than not the products of their surroundings and society at large.

So, which side am I truly?

Honestly, I would rather not choose at all:

To quote a certain brooding witcher (I know wrong franchise) whom I would protect with my whole life:

Evil is Evil. Lesser, greater, middling… Makes no difference. The degree is arbitary. The definition’s blurred. If I’m to choose between one evil and another… I’d rather not choose at all -the Last Wish

This is not to say I think Rhaenyra or Aegon are evil, lesser or otherwise, both are products of their circumstances, and are also products by the choices they made as well as by the choices of others.

On principle, however, Rhaenyra should be the next ruler of the Iron Throne. Not because she is a woman, but solely because she was named heir by her father the king. Say what you will about Viserys, but he never changed the line succession, he was clear that Rhaenyra is his heir, to question that the line should change in favor in Aegon is...well sexist. Let's not forget Dorne's custom in terms of inheritance is that said inheritance is passed to the firstborn of the family, regardless of gender. (though she was not featured in the GoT show for some reason, Arianne Martell was firstborn, which made her heir to Sunspear), so there's no excuse there.

Anyway this what I have to say about the discorse.

This took a little longer then I anticipated, so apologies, but I really felt like I needed to show my thought process, so thanks for sticking with me. Also this is just my opinion on the whole thing, it's not law or anything like that, so feel free to disagree with me or not. I would love to hear other people's take on this.

Have a nice day!

[raydvd]

I think I caught a scammer pretending to be from Palestine

okay so for a little while now, I've been getting messages from my inbox (mostly accounts created for sharing around Palestine gofundme's) and my mom has always told me to be suspicious of Internet links and whatnot, I wish I would have paid some warnings to those words a bit and not have downloaded "free Minecraft" 10 year old me thought otherwise

But don't get me wrong, I want to help and donate! Unfortunately I'm not swimming in money but I share and reblog stories and participate in protest if I can!

However with scams rampant on Tumblr especially a Lot of the scam accounts being created only weeks or days before- and send messages to users inbox asking for donations. I always been weary of sending money online but I don't want to turn a blind eye to actual Palestinians, but I also don't really go with the "just trust me bro" vibe. So I offer to share their story's and reblog their post but they never respond back or anything.

And while I can assume they can't respond for many reasons, I have gotten wayyy too many similar messages almost repeating each other

And your probably thinking

"well alot of Palestine people are going through the same thing so duh of course it will sound similar!"

Well yes but I don't think they create accounts only a week old and send copy pasted messages with links to personal PayPals

Or maybe im tricking myself into being a dick?

Apparently my suspicion was met with a interesting answer

this is Haya Orouq and their family

They need help getting refugee from Palestine

But apparently decided to create a account on Tumblr sending messages to users inboxes with this PayPal link

Now like you are right now, I was confused

Why would you link someone's unrelated paypal and not mention it on your gofundme page?

And so I did the following

I shared the screenshots From the actual gofundme. Compared to what I was told by "saudias" They were intentionally misleading and lying in the original message (which I wish I would have screenshoted) about how much was said to be donated compared to the real gofundme. And gave no explanation for the personal PayPal. And didn't mention any of the people who help set it up. So I wanted to see what's up and messaged them.

final message: "because ya know"-

Message not sent: "Your a scammer"

And now their account is deleted...

So Fred let me get this straight

You decide to pose as Haya Orouq....

A palestinian and their family who are looking for refuge....

To make money off of it?

How extraordinary shitty of you turd shaped lump of cole

but your not the first and not unfortunately the last, and next time you'll probably try this again

But you also forgot the very super duper important number one rule of scamming-

"Never share your personal information with people you don't know"

So here's the actual gofundme:

please support them and reblog

Awareness is very important with stuff like this always rampant

And support other actual Palestinians

If you need some help identifying scammers, the gofundme support page also gives some good tips:

Oh and to all the scammers and to dear fred trying to make money off a genocide-

suck my dick❤️ Thanks to you now people know your a scammer, and a asshole 🤗 So please do feel free to block me and fuck off (⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

[bestofsophieturner]

Now, the rumors about Sophie and Joe's divorce are slowly changing. Sources now say they already had problems back in April, or that they had "schedules problems with Joe touring and Sophie filming all the time".

While the rumors are less about "Sophie is a bad mom" and more about "they're both at fault", I still find it annoying. The thing is, you can't paint Sophie as a partying girl, doing nothing first, then say she's a very working girl, focusing on her career.

And as a fan of Sophie, I have a hard time buying this narrative. It may sound more reasonable but still... it doesn't align well with what she said and her career. What I'm going to say on this post are all speculations based on she said and did in the public eye. So maybe I'm wrong, but I wanted to express my thoughts.

First look at her projects :

- The Staircase

- A cameo of five minutes in Do Revenge

- An episode for a children program Storybots

I exclude Survive since she filmed it from September to November 2019, before they had their children.

I'll include the fact she was supposed to film a movie last year Wardriver with Dane Dehaan. It has been abandoned or at least Sophie left the project. It's not on her imdb page and we didn't hear about it from a long time ago. There was also this project Come as you are hyped back in 2022 but never really announced. Both projects don't appear on her imdb anymore.

And obsviouly Joan, she's filming it right now since May.

And now what... ?

- The Staircase has been filmed in 2021 for a few months in Atlanta. At least from June to August. I don't think we know exactly how many months, but we know at least one thing. Sophie got a house in Atlanta so she would have her daughter with her. I have no reason to doubt it. To me, it sounds like Sophie was trying to find a balance between her work and family, she apparently did it.

- Do revenge... so it was a cameo. I'm no expert, but I don't think it took a whole month to shoot it, maybe a few days. Especially she did while filming the staircase. So it couldn't take much. And from what I remember, the shooting of the movie itself had been one month or two. So well, not too much.

- Storybots, I have no idea when they filmed it. Since she has red hair, I'd say between summer 2021 and summer 2022. And like the cameo, I don't think it took much time either. Maybe a few days, or a week or two.

Yes she has been working. And actually, I believe The Staircase and Do Revenge have been good choices. So I'm not saying she stopped her career. But to me at least, she doesn't sound like someone who focused more on her career than her family. I might even add that between her two big projects (so the staircase and Joan) there is a gap of almost two years.

Other things...

- During the staircase promo, she said many things... first, that she had a house in Atlanta to have her daughter with her during the shooting.

- Then, that she chooses her projects very carefully because she doesn't want to be away from her daughters.

- I'll add another thing... Joe has been spotted many times with Sophie in UK from April/May to July. So it's a bit hard, to me at least, to believe the absent mother rumor.

So in my opinion, from her interviews and career, she was trying to balance her professional life and personal life.

More, I'd say... pick a struggle, she either focus more on her acting projects than her family or either chooses to spend her time partying.

If you're still there... women are allowed to be more than one thing : mother or wife or working woman. And a woman can be all the things at the same time. I'm tired of those medias trying to paint Sophie as an absent mother.

[anwn]

tell me about the gun commander! I need to hear your opinions I am deeply curious

hi! i really apologize for taking this long to respond. truth is, i didn't know where to start. given how bare bones the writing is when it comes to the commander, it's difficult to talk about his character without immediately dipping into speculation territory... and i'd end up asking myself things like "is this an actually widely accepted hc or just something i've thought about?"

so, i'm gonna lay my cards on the table here and say that this will mostly me sharing my thoughts (some more speculative than others) about unexplored aspects of his character, or things i think would have deserved to be expanded upon.

but first off, i'd like to advertise this post (the one that got me thinking about this in the first place!) so you can see where it is i'm coming from, and so i don't have to reiterate the points touched upon there

the first thing i noticed about the commander is how... he feels like a near perfect mirror to shadow, in a way that i don't think many people have noticed.

they're two people who lost the one most dear to them and thus blames the other for this tragedy, determined to take their revenge on those who wronged them. shadow blames gun, humanity -that of which the commander is a part of, meanwhile the commander casts gerald and the black arms, and therefore shadow, as guilty. while the commander has sat with his anger and sorrow for decades, shadow still holds the memory of the massacre fresh in his mind.

do you ever think about the fact that they might be the only people still alive who knew maria? the commander literally says he saw maria as an older sister figure. not friend, a sister. when you take into account that shth is the same game where shadow and maria are first referred to as siblings, it's hard not to see this detail as... deliberate.

it's almost like sonic team looked at shadow's grief and revenge arc from sa2, and thought "what if we did that again, but from the other side of the equation this time?". i'm not crazy it's right there dude. it's compelling as fuck and probably why i'll never think of the commander as the flopburger character others see him as.

something people might bring up as a plothole is the fact we never see the young commander on the ark before shth. if he and maria were this close as kids, how come we never see them together in sa2?

the commander is an obvious retcon (and not the only one in this game tbf), but that elephant aside, the shadow and maria scenes from sa2 are short and few enough that i don't think it's asking too much from our suspension of disbelief to imagine that young commander just. happened to be away during the duration of these scenes. in fact, i can think of at least a few good reasons for why it makes sense for him to not be around them at this time.

given his status as a top secret project, it's reasonable to think shadow would have had limited contact with anyone on the ark who wasn't a scientist. maria being an exception speaks for itself as she is gerald's granddaughter, and to some extent the person shadow was "made for".

but above all, i think when taking into account young commander's apparent terror from seeing shadow... i could easily see him try to avoid the hedgehog as much as he could. not yet out of hatred (the way i see it, his grudge against shadow and gerald would only grow after the ark raid happens) but more out of suspicion, distrust, and especially fear. he's so offput by the fact maria keeps hanging out with this guy, that he declines any of her suggestions to spend time with them.

sidenote: although it seems silly to us, i like to think most children would be scared of shadow, and the commander was no exception (especially considering black doom was like, right there which probably made the scene feel a lot more sinister). maria would then be a rare exception, as her bouts of compassion/sympathy towards the experiments on the ark seem to suggest. i could see her as the type of person to catch a bug and show it off to you for a bit, going on about how cute it looks... if she's a creature enthusiast, it would make sense why she clicked with shadow so well, in contrast to the commander.

i could imagine that in the event where shadow and young commander would have to pass eachother down the halls, yc would immediately try his best to put distance between him and the (dreadful) creature. switching lanes, changing directions, walking very close to the wall, you name it. (in my mind, shadow doesn't pay much mind to yc, but the fact that this kid seems to be that terrified of him is somewhat amusing)

anyways, it's that tendency to keep shadow at arm's length that leaves me thinking that his confrontation with shadow 50 years later could very well have been his first time... actually talking to the guy. because he never actually got to know shadow personally, his entire perception of him was built on unchecked biases given space to fester for decades on end. in these conditions, is it surprising that the commander ended up holding that grudge against shadow for all these years? how easy it is to project all the evil in the world onto someone you know next to nothing about?

the semi-hero story is the only path where the commander actually gets to talk to shadow face to face and... the shadow he meets feels lightyears away from the monster he had made him out to be, from his quiet and measured demeanor, to the graceful acceptance of his sins. and worse, shadow doesn't even remember the massacre the commander had been so eager to blame him for.

it's a brutal clash between reality and the fragile narrative he's constructed, one that literally leaves the commander to collapse on his knees. in that moment, it doesn't matter if shadow truly is responsible or not when the commander's biases and resolve have been shaken regardless. how could the hedgehog who spoke with so much truth and integrity be the evil demon he's been chasing after for so long? it just doesn't make sense.

i think for the most part, the commander's change of heart about shadow as it is depicted throughout the game does the job, and that string of dialogue where he invites shadow over to make amends is really sweet (although you can only hear it when playing the expert mode).

the commander hasn't been utilized again as a character after shth aside from a few scenes in chronicles, which is kind of a shame... because if there's one thing that i think should have been explored further, it's the commander's involvement with GUN. while we get a somewhat substantial exploration of his perception of shadow and its evolution, the same can't be said for the other side of the coin.

think about it, do we ever actually see him reflect on the fact that GUN was the one responsible for the ark raid all along? how does he feel about working for the organization who literally killed his family? does he even know about it for that matter??

personally, i often feel like a lot of the complaints about this plot point are done somewhat in bad faith? i've always held the opinion that young commander likely didn't know better or was misled on GUN's involvement on the ark, deliberately or not. i don't know about you, but to me, an 8yo child trusting a human-led organization who we know to lie to the general public in order to cover their tracks, over a scientist whom he personally saw create an all powerful creature with the help of an even more terrific alien demon kind of... speaks for itself. listen, my point is, it's not that hard to think of a reason why the commander would have this perspective on the events that transpired, especially given he was a small child when they happened.

but.

even putting sonic fans' obtuseness aside, the fact that none of this is touched upon in the actual game is such an oversight... like, it's a setup that never sees a pay-off or is ever called into question, and i understand shth is about shadow's character first and foremost, but jeez if you're gonna create a brand new character from scratch with their own backstory and motivations maybe don't leave a huge blank space right in the middle of it? it's sad because by diving into the circumstances of his enrolment at GUN, they could have covered some interesting themes like that of military indoctrination. and it would have added another layer of parallels between him and shadow, who is also deceived throughout the game and struggling to find the truth...

i think i've exhausted all the points i've wanted to make, so here are some dumb hcs i came up with that i didn't know where to mention

- since the commander was a child on the ark like maria, he might not have seen a lot of the earth so it's totally possible that shadow is the first mobian he ever saw, which would add to the spook factor

- the commander's parents were scientists who brought him along on the ark when he was little more than a toddler (i'm thinking around 4yo?). they were killed by GUN as part of the initiative to stop project shadow (afterwards the young commander would be told it was because of a freak accident involving gerald's roaming experiments, something he would believe for most of his life)

- after the ark raid, the young commander would be sent to live with distant relatives back on earth, all while being closely monitored by the organization (as they must have done with the other rescapees)

- the grandchild he mentions in expert mode is a little girl named alice, aka alicia. she was born on 30th october 2005, a few weeks before the game takes place (her parents were trying for an halloween baby and missed the mark by a day) (i may have kind of designed a whole family for the commander? if anyone's interested, maybe i'll post them eventually)

- the commander was granted access to a secret safe after rising through GUN's ranks. it has a ton of memorabilia that was locked in there after the ark shut down, away from prying eyes. as part of his effort to make peace with shadow, he invites him to go through it so he could recover some of his memories. among the countless toys and photos of maria he thought he'd never see again, there is no mention or pictures of project shadow at all, which was likely destroyed forever.

[heartsick-honeybee]

Okay. Now I'm fucking mad.

But since you keep blocking me let me just air this out.

You can call me immature all you want but let's get some things straight

First off I never said a fucking word to you or about you before you blocked me. And then you unblock me to send me this crap and block me again, okay

Second off, she NEVER ONCE USED YOUR NAME. You made a PUBLIC POST with her name on it. And EVEN when she DEFENDED herself she STILL didn't use your name.

In addition as far as your very public "server" comment. Yeah, pretty sure you mean me. And again. I didn't say any names. Presuming I meant you kind of seems like guilt to me. Particular as I in fact didn't SOLEY mean you.

That day YOU weren't the one the initial Convo was even about.

That's guilt.

But I digress.

You tell me not to insinuate something and on the same breathe apparently are going to start a war because she defended herself WITHOUT even using your name? That's fucking cute.

Oh and it's also cute how you wrote me but not her.

Let's get this straight.

She is the nicest fucking person I've met in my life.

She is sweet and kind and mild and just doesn't have it to stand up for herself the way is needed here.

I, on the other hand am not. I have no such reservations. I'm a bitch. You chose the wrong one of us to write. ESPECIALLY before blocking because I'm going to say my fucking piece and if you would rather have it public than private than then be my fucking guest.

"I'm going to screenshot this for my benefit"

But not actually have that conversation? Just so you can show people you wrote me for the clout and woah is me? Clout this.

Words can be misread, actions aren't misread.

I saw that post and that person said nothing that wasn't kind about EITHER if you. You did not have to start shit.

Especially something about her not supporting other writers? That's funny considering you blocked her first.

As far as you not reading her shit that's also funny since you had it bookmarkes on A03 before she came to Tumblr.

The fact you'd blatantly have 1500+ followers and use your popularity with them to publically post lies against someone who's new here to the point she's being bullied off the site is absolute fucking bullshit.

"You're misreading my tone. I'm offended you'd insinuate "

IT IS BULLYING. THIS IS BLATANTLY BULLYING. DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT BULLYING IS?

And to someone who won't defend themselves?! That post she put is hardly even a defense. And the fact you can publically post WITH HER NAME trying to play the victim and talking shit and yet start shit over what little she did to defend herself, absolutely fuck you.

Yes you're right, I am 32. I am too old for this shit. I am too old for assholes like you who think growing-up means condoning 16yr old level bullying without saying a word because apparently being an adult means ignoring it.

Absolutely not. Being an adult means you shouldn't fucking be doing it and I am SURELY going to call you out on your shit if you think it's so cute to play these games.

You really wanted to say something, you want to write me, you write me and we talk inbox. You wanted to be a coward and get your little bit in and block me, don't blame me for everyone seeing your dirty laundry, this is what you wanted.

Here's a new thought. Instead of lying to your fans to play the victim here why don't you tell them the truth.

All of this started before she ever said a single word to or about you.

All of this started BEFORE SHE EVEN JOINED TUMBLR.

But you don't want to include that part do you Finnie?

I AM KINDLY RELYING ON SOME MUTUAL TO SCREENSHOT THIS AND SEND IT TO HER since she only unblocks when it's convenient. THANKS.

New Edit:

I took this down because Finnie talked to me personally and asked if we could mutually let this drop, and we agreed. Despite the fact I only posted this one thing and they, throughout the time made SEVERAL harmful post even publically calling us names and acting like WE bullied YOU, But hey, we agreed anyway. And this post has been taken down for a few weeks and no further have been made... Only for them to talk shit non-stop this entire fucking time.

I am sick of this.

I am absolutely sick of your gaslighting victim playing lying bullshit.

You're such a goddamned narcissist.

You and your little circlejerk of friends that claim youd "NEVER BULLY ANYONE" even while you're blatantly making public posts calling someone a vile cunt is ridiculous. You can keep patting eachother in the back with your fucking pity party bullshit.

You literally bullied her into deleting her account.

And yes, telling harmful lies about how someone is "being mean to you for no reason" after you blatantly outted their name publically for no other reason than YOUR OWN GODDAMNED PARANOIA is shit.

Because you DECIDED that some fucking rando no one ever heard of literally copy pasting on AO3 MUST mean YOU.

What the ABSOLUTE fuck is wrong with you?!

And no, I'm not down to play with this.

If you're reading this and your first thoughts are

"Omg it's so childish to speak up, being an adult is accepting bullying" then you can absolutely suck my dick and choke on it.

Your mentality is the problem with the world.

Being an adult is knowing when to speak up against injustice.

And anyone who's ignorant enough to think I'm full of shit for no other reason than I am angry and speaking crass need to revaluate their life and values..

Yes I am mad. Someone should be.

If you're stupid enough to believe a narcissist because they're playing stupid and throwing a tantrum, do PLEASE block me. The fact the majority of you people automatically took their side without even ASKING Caesaria a goddamned word despite having supposedly been fans says enough to me.

You don't care what the truth is, CLEARLY, or your have gone out of your way to talk to HER and get both sides.

You made up your mind from the first moment because you have bias towards a narcissistic disgusting excuse for an individual who's playing you all like a flute.

Or for a few of you who commented on this, because you're the same type of person and condemning them while doing the same shit makes you look bad, right?

Fuck. You.

On the bright side since Caesaria deleted her account, I can finally speak my mind. She didn't want to cause more uproar.

I on the other hand am sick of seeing this one sided bullshit.

Yes. Of course you privately inboxed us privately asking us to delete our side meanwhile being very vocal on your end to make everything completely one sided. You must manipulate people a lot, huh?

I would love to note.

In the original post I didn't talk shit.. I didn't do anything but state the facts.

Now? Now yeah, I'm being a cunt. After all, you publically called me one in your post I may as well make SOMETHING you said have a shred of truth, right? You're fucking welcome. 🩷

Oh and one more thing.

"inb4" the whole "you're making enemies" thing...

Any person who is such a terrible human being as to be a part of this crap is NO ONE I'd ever want to associate with at my WORST of days.

All I'm doing is causing a group of gross people out themselves upfront.

Getting rid of shitty people in mass is much less problematic than ending up dealing with them individually in the long run anyway.

Good riddance.