#and the darkness under the societal ideal of normality

[arsenicpanda]

Someone needs to write the essay on Betty Cooper, the sins of the father, generational cycles, serial killer genes, and Calvinism

[lunar1an]

so the thing that Gets Me about late pale abyss is like

we get hints of a truer-to-pact abyss in the form of cagerattler's story and one glimpse when the trio were in the snowy forest and got a denizen pointing a gun at them (killwagon also conforms to normal abyss expectations)

but the primary way it's seen in action is though maricica's cult and the red heron students.

and it's a fucking drugs metaphor.

you put abyss juice in you and feel great and strong and you do a bunch of harmful things while "under the influence". abyss power tempts you with an Ideal Cool Self you can be so you want to put abyss juice in you to get there apparently. and if you do too much of it then it breaks your mind and turns you into a violent monster who only cares about your next killing fix (kira-lynn). maricica's the dealer giving abyss juice and KL peer pressures the others into putting abyss juice in themselves with spirit surgery and it's like.

where's the abyss as trauma. where's the abyss as societal misery that grinds you down and only leaves the sharp edges. where's the abyss as the representation of the idea that Life Sucks sometimes and there's no quick fix or escape.

it's like a watered down version of that one dream blake had in the drains except so watered down it lacks the context of what material circumstances actually push people to take the abyss's offers in-setting and turns it into "they're stupid and/or evil kids"

it's not like an addiction metaphor is Unrealistic for the abyss. that can go to really dark places. but given the context of everything the abyss was in pact and the wider context of how drug use is portrayed in all of WB's works it's. a disappointing show i suppose.

[intotheblush]

Makeup Your Mind: The ugly truth behind beauty hauls

Words by Ella Warters.

Step into a realm where the attraction of limitless beauty products and the excitement of shopping intersect, giving birth to a captivating trend: beauty hauls. With over 2.5 billion views under #beautyhaul on TikTok, it ponders the existence of ethical consumption all together.

While the fashion industry has embraced the sustainable fashion movement, the social and environmental consequences of overconsumption within the cosmetics sector remain understudied and largely ignored by corporations, content creators, and consumers alike. According to a recent survey, the average person spends 722 USD per year on makeup and skincare. Excessive consumption often stems from societal pressure, advertising, and consumerism all together and is now causing detrimental effects to the planet and society.

According to the Australian Financial Review, globally, the beauty industry produces 120 billion units of packaging each year and it’s estimated a measly nine percent is recycled – the rest ending up in landfill. The cardboard boxes that accompany the products alone are said to contribute to the loss of 18 million acres of forests annually. Sadly, it’s not as simple as placing a plastic bottle into the yellow bin, often the multi-materials which create spray, pump mechanisms are costly to separate, dark coloured plastic isn’t as valuable, and aerosols often has pressurised air which makes them dangerous to recycle. However, the waste management company, TerraCycle uses a range of sorting techniques both manual and mechanical to sort and recycle cosmetic packaging. TerraCycle bins are found in MECCA cosmetic stores Australia wide. Brands are also continuing to produce refillable products from lipsticks to moisturisers, with a growing demand for ‘clean’ beauty too.

Not only product waste is an issue though, the beauty industry and societal consumption is a major contributor to worker exploitation. Mica is a naturally occurring mineral which is found in plenty of makeup and skincare ingredients, if it’s shiny, it’s probably because of mica. Listed as ‘mica,’ ‘potassium aluminium silicate,’ and ‘CI 77019,’ it starts off as a silvery shard which is mined by children as young as 5 in countries like India, then collected by brokers, sold to exporters, then delivered to manufacturers who mill it into a pearlescent pigment which is sold to international beauty retailers. It’s estimated that over twenty-thousand children work in these mines and will earn at best 30 rupees, the equivalent of 56 Australian cents, for a day’s work. Not only are most of these mines unregulated and in appalling condition, but the dangers of these mines are also more than just health risks, they can crumble too, leaving people to die. Families are given 30,000 rupees for each person who dies, the equivalent of $558 AUD, with no changes to the safety of the mines. In these countries, there is often no other form of work and leaves people in a vulnerable position just so first world countries can enjoy shimmery beauty products.

In recent years with the rise of a new generation on social media, beauty vloggers have gained cult followings promoting consumerism. It all started in 2007 with Michelle Phan, a college student who started posting beauty tutorials on YouTube. Not long after, creators such as Zoella, Bethany Mota & NikkieTutorials (and more) began posting hauls, ‘Get Ready with Me’ and more. Today, almost anyone can go viral whether it’s product reviews or shopping trips to beauty retailers like MECCA and Sephora.

The Beauty & skincare hashtag has a whopping 33 billion views on TikTok and this ranges from routines to hauls. The ideal skincare routine (for normal skin) should be 3 steps – cleanse, moisturise, protect, and then add in specific products for desired treatment when needed. The brand Drunk Elephant has coined the term ‘smoothie,’ which is the mixing of skincare products on one of their pump lid moisturisers. While the brand is reputable for improving skin, it has gained an army of young teens wanting to own one of these 100 AUD moisturisers. The problem with young teens wanting these types of products is not only overconsumption, but it can also cause skin problems too. Kids as young as 8 want to purchase retinoids just because they’re a viral product, even though it’s recommended for people in their early 20s.

However, amidst the frenzy of viral product reviews and shopping trips, we must remember the importance of responsible consumption. Overconsumption not only strains our environment and exploits vulnerable communities but can also harm our own well-being. It's vital to strike a balance between our desire for beauty and the ethical, sustainable choices that protect our planet and safeguard our future. In doing so, we can ensure that beauty truly shines, both inside and out, for generations to come.

(This was originally written as an assessment piece for my marketing class at University.)

[akaraboonline]

How to Get Through Days When You Feel "So Ugly" and Improve Your Self-Confidence

Each of us has experienced this situation before. Standing over the sink in the bathroom, you examine your features in the reflection. All of a sudden, you notice that your dark circles are awful, your nose is too large, and you have an unsightly zit on your chin. You are unable to help but feel self-conscious. Of course you aren't, but it can be difficult to persuade yourself otherwise. Here are How to Get Through Days When You Feel "So Ugly" and Improve Your Self-Confidence

Why You Have “I’m So Ugly” Days Even If You’re Generally Confident

The way we see ourselves on a daily basis is influenced by a wide range of various factors. Even if you usually have a high sense of self-worth, occasionally things happen that temporarily lower your self-assurance. The accompanying list doesn't include all of those things. Societal pressure This one is deadly. You're inundated with images of ideal individuals when you browse social media or open a magazine. They have the most amazing bodies, no blemishes or wrinkles, perfectly symmetrical features, outfits that look ridiculously good on them, etc. It's only normal that you'll experience this occasionally. According to psychiatrist Dr. Ketan Parmar, MBBS, DPM, it's normal to go through periods of self-doubt, particularly when we feel overwhelmed by exterior pressures like society's unrealistic standards of beauty and perfection. Comparison After all, it is said that comparison is the thief of pleasure. You will undoubtedly feel miserable if you see someone you find beautiful and contrast yourself with them. Having said that, it's completely natural. Even though we are aware that everyone is distinct in their own way, Karmar says that as humans we are prone to comparing ourselves to others, which can cause feelings of insecurity and hatred for our appearance. Stress and anxiety You are not your true self when you are under duress. Cortisol levels rise as a result of stress, which can affect how you feel about your body. (among other negative effects). Before you realize it, you've convinced yourself that you're ugly by overanalyzing your features and concentrating on your flaws. Comments from other people These individuals are undoubtedly the worst. Nobody in your life who considers it acceptable to critique or pass judgment on your look is someone you need. That's childish, juvenile, and disgusting. But occasionally, all it takes is a passing remark to send you into shock. Keep in mind that you are a lovely person.

How To Cope When You’re Having One Of Those Days

Take a deep breath and get some perspective. You must sometimes halt when you feel your thoughts spiraling toward how ugly you are. Breathe. Then, keep in mind that being attractive can be achieved in a variety of ways. "Keep in mind that people come in all different sizes and shapes, and while particular fashion trends come and go, it's more important to concentrate on this question: Am I doing the best with what I've got?" proposes Ph.D. Dr. Laurel Steinberg. If your response is affirmative, shift your attention from your appearance to more significant issues like your contributions to society and your interpersonal connections. If the response is no, get help from a professional so you can maximize what you already have. (hair stylist, wardrobe stylist, manicurist).   Do something that makes you feel alive. I refer to something busy by this. You're extremely lucky to be carried around by a body every single day. When that is the situation, how can you be ugly? Go for a run, practice yoga, go on a hike, or do anything else that makes you feel alive to show your body some affection. Being in touch with your body can help you realize how lovely it is. (and you are). Do or wear something that makes you feel sexy. In addition to loving your physique, feeling sexy can help you feel more confident. Put on that little black dress that fits your proportions perfectly. Plan the boudoir session you've been meaning to attempt but have been too afraid to. You wouldn't believe the impact this could have. Take some time away from social media. Put your phone aside, please. Social media will make you feel ugly more than anything. Instagram uses images that are not authentic. Hell, even if they were true, it wouldn't matter because of how valuable you are as a person. Take a brief break now and then to get in touch with your true self. Practice gratitude and self-care. I don't just mean in terms of material things; you have so much to be thankful for. Concentrate on and acknowledge all the lucky circumstances you have. Give yourself some compassion and practice gentle self-care. You should experience being held in affection. Give yourself that. Spend some time with people who uplift you. Being around positive people is the fastest way to get rid of the "I'm so ugly" mindset. Spend time with your closest pals, your parents, or your cousins. Enjoy living, laugh with friends, and go out and have fun. You'll soon forget the reason behind your upset. Set realistic goals. Be realistic if there are physical aspects of yourself that you would like to alter. Losing 30 pounds won't happen over night. By the end of the following week, you won't resemble Kylie Jenner. You can't (and don't need to) alter your face. Be honest with yourself about what you want to achieve. (and why you want to accomplish it). Consider speaking to a mental health professional if needed. This is something to think about if you struggle with having more miserable days than wonderful ones. You can get coping skills from a therapist or counselor to help you feel better over the long run as well as assistance with working through problems.   Read the full article

[rathologic]

What are your character design ratings (P1 in contrast to P2, better or worse) for all Bound/ non-NPC Patho characters? :)

i love your ambition! but I'm limiting this to top 5 and worst 5 plus comments for my own sanity. since there are 24 Bound and a sum total of 34 named characters who appear (with model) in both games

gorkhon's 5 top superstars:

WOW this ended up biased a lot towards p1. in my defense p1 is better and has better characters with better designs haha

p1 rubin: rubin's size is important and by god did the character designers make the most of it. his leather outfit is A) unique, B) fairly practical, and C) homosexual (in a loving men way and an outcast breaking societal rules about bodies due to necessary and innate circumstances way), emphasizing how despite All That he leans into his own distinctiveness and trusts his abilities. it all contributes to a clear concept of his background and motivations- you can tell he's gone through a lot for his age, even while his head scar usually can't be seen without fly mode or parkour. special note to the animation where he raises his arm to match the medical poster on his wall... overall so so lovingly well done. (p2 rubin: to be discussed later)

p1 anna: just such a visually solid and interesting figure! her hair went through a lot of development stages and I think the blond wig deserves its final spot, both as a representation of her character & as a design capstone... I really love the texture and detail on her face it's just totally contradicted by the game saying she's 18. (p2 anna: give her shoes for God's sake. I can't abide like this. Decent coat but it obscures so much potential)

p1 andrey: perfect. the desaturated color of his long coat matches really nicely with his white clothing, and who can resist a guy with spurs. his red eyeshadow genuinely iconic for our 1 canon bisexual man. only complaint is I think his handkerchief was too hard to see in the game and could've been made more distinctive (p2 andrey: the color coordination gets soooo unbalanced with his chest out. #boyboss but it's really not fun to look at him)

both vlad jrs: the designers did an INCREDIBLE job of representing young vlad through his clothing, height, and mannerisms, as an anxious, unlikeable young man under a lot of pressure who tries to do his best while espousing deeply fucked up ideals... evidenced by the success of tai lopez vlad and the number of comments ive seen saying "he looks libertarian" this is stellar character design

p1 lara: her crying cat face... again a really coherent design, the purple/olive layered clothing is distinctive and pleasant to the eye. I especially like the embroidery as a hint of textile history in the patho setting and a reflection of the Town's gender roles. her hair's lovely and the sturdy boots are a perfect allusion to her family history & willingness to take action (p2 lara: hate looking at her :( they smoothed her face they took away her details. she has nothing distinctive except implausible hair physics)

honorable mention: marky mortel :) both designs slap but again p1 is more appealing in terms of varied, balanced color choices

gorkhon's cringe compilation:

2bin (p2 rubin): gets his own separate paragraph because I despise him. he looks bad I think it's perfectly in line with how deeply the writers fucked up his motivation and character but he loses so many points for his plastic looking bald head texture. doesn't even get to keep the scar! his eyes also get lightened 50% which is a baffling choice (although 2's engine is awful at displaying dark eyes anyhow)

p2 eva: sighing and moaning and sobbing. "this woman 'dresses' in skimpy and half-undone clothing because it adds to her appropriation of the kin's customs character" it really doesn't. concept art had a lovely nose but it's not IN the game. miserable. might I add the 3 primary colors are a nice attempt but not adequately balanced with yellow, which is jarring (p1 eva: honestly I do think her attire makes sense for her character in this one, and the gold/white color coordination is lovely. narrowly missed the top 5 bc she also needs shoes)

p1 victor: literally the most nothing man. guess you don't need a "character design" when you sit behind a desk anytime you're not being observed. kind of works with his being underestimated in the story but Man (p2 victor: yay he has visual personality now :) the details like his torn shirt add a lot, but they /are/ details that are sort of hard to catch)

p1 khan: off the top of my head I can't remember anything about how he looks, which is usually bad from a character design standpoint. he's an important figure and a leader of imaginative children, so it feels really jarring to have him in average normal clothing (p2 khan: also a big improvement! p2 did a lot with the Kain family resemblance, and his attire mirroring and diverging from his estranged father's slaps... however khan's haircut feels odd given the setting)

alpha marble nest georgiy: If You've Ever Seen Him, You Know

[kanohivolitakk]

Since its 3Hs anniversary some really cool things I like about the game that aren’t talked about enough because the fandom is too busy arguing who is right and who is wrong

The worldbuilding just. 3H has honestly one of my favorite fictional settings. Its just both expansive but also genuinely interesting. I have spent HOURS thinking about the world and made so many ocs its not even funny. I love thinking about the setting of the game so much.

I LOVE the puzzle like way the game explains its world and story. Like I know some people don’t like it because it makes the game a bit too convoluted but personally? I LOVE 3Hs way of not telling everything but rather giving hints and clues the player has to piece themselves. It makes the games world feel more interactive and feels so satisfying. Then again I enjoy that kind of approach to worldbuilding

In general I love 3hs fragmented story and the way how the story is placed in many different fragments. It is geniunely rewarding to replay the game from another storypath and notice the foreshadowing Would’ve the story been probably better had it been just one storypath? Honestly yes. But 3h is ambitious and one of the ways it is is with its fragmented story structure.

The structure of White Clouds is criminally underrated honestly and gets way more hate than it deserves. I love how the first few chapters set up the world of Fodlan and show injustices/conflicts of the world with chapters like the chapter where you face off Lonato for instance. Then the next few chapters are spend in deepening the mysteries such as the conspiracy against the church and the mystery regarding TWSITD. Then Jeralt dies and the last few chapters are spent as “beginning of the End” so to speak, as things clears to the intense climax.

On related note I LOVE how the game handles perspective and how the lords are the respective ways we view the story. I know so many people say “WHite Clouds is same on all paths” but I do feel that’s kinda the point. The story is the same but there are differences that come from the way each of the lords is strongly characterized and has different values, worldviews. The subtle changes on what are focused on in each route also foreshadow what will be focused on each route, which I think is super cool.

Even beyond the lords and routes the game does explore the idea of perspective well. I do think 3h has this very “everyone is the hero of their own story” type of approach to perspective and it shows it well. Each character believes they’re in the right and you can get this view that they view themselves as right. Even Agarthans who are the designated villains have this sense they think they’re in right and that the Nabateans were evil.

The way how games routes being divided into having a different focus is very cool. I love how AM is a smaller scale personal tragedy, how CF is a battle of ideals and how VW explores the world and reveals deeper mysteries. I also love how all of these are related to the lords ideals and worldviews: Dimitri is the most conflicted of the lords so he gets the most characterfocused story focused on . Edelgard is the most ideologically driven so her path focuses on her ideals and battle of wills against Rhea. Claude is the one who is the most freespirited and wants to know the truth so his route focuses on revealing the mysteries.

Also the way the houses characters reflect their respective routes storyline and central themes: Black Eagles are nobles that have conflicting relationships with nobility reflecting Edelgards goal, Blue Lions are all united with the trauma of Tragedy of Duscur, and Golden Deer are a house of misfits who give this “ragtag group who will save the universe with POWER OF FRIENDSHIP and this cool gun I found” vibes which fit the route PERFECTLY

I LOVE how the game plays with and subverts a lot of Fire Emblem tropes. While it does play some tropes straight (dad death and evil cult manipulating behind the scenes) it does do a lot to break from series conventions and playing with ideas to make a more ambitious story. The way it either subverts expectations (The evil emperor being female well intended extremist, Rhea being the Gharnef/Medeus instead of the Nyna archetype she’s presented as), twists familiar tropes to their natural extreme (Dimitris arc is basically the natural extreme end of stereotypical FE lord) and other similar things make the game feeling so planned out, like the writers understood FE stories and wanted to make something that challenges FE while still feeling like it.

The way how every major player acts as foil/pararell to another player is so GOOD. Every faction leader can be compared to the other somehow and that just makes the game SOOOO fun to analyze, trying to find all the similarities and differences and pararells is so rewarding.

A more specific example on this is how i love how the game plays with the idea of holy/sacred weapons. While normally these weapons are artifacts from goddess that defeat dragons, here the holy weapons are bones made from dragons and just???? HOW METAL IS THAT????????? It’s just such a neat way to subvert the idea of sacred weapons. Rather than being blessed creations of the goddess, they are weapons of destruction made by the villains.

I ADORE THE GAMES science fiction elements. I know people say they feel out of place but personally, they make the game memorable for me. I still remember the first time I saw that scene with nukes. I especially love the heavy implication that Sothis isn’t a goddess but rather a powerful alien. It makes her character much more interesting

I know a lot of people don’t like Agarthans but can I just say their backstory being “forced to hide after their land got conquered and desiring it back” making them a dark mirror not just 3h lords/Rhea but FE lords as whole is SO FUCKING METAL. This is what I mean with 3H writers knowing their tropes like back of their hand.

I love how in Part 1 sometimes you’d talk to two characters in Monastery at once instead of just one. It’s something I miss in part 2 honestly.

I love the small sidequests such as the fishing tourney and White Heron cup and wish Part 1 had more of them, it would’ve made the school part feel more alive.

I LOVE how some missions (esp paralogues) have subgoals that you can clear to get better rewards. I wish the game had been more clear with them or even made them main goals of maps sometimes.

I LOVE THE WAY Paralogues act as small gaiden stories that show more of the games world and characters. Its a neat way to let the sidecharacters shine and reveal some neat secrets of the games world and story.

The gameplay loop is honetly fun and satisfying. It is rewarding and while it gets tiring towards the end overall its a good gameplay loop.

I ADORE the aesthetic of Shambhala. Its just so sleek and sinister. The cyrillic letters spelling different words is so cool. Shambhala is my favorite map in the game and the aesthetic is a big reason why.

The games soundtrack is so good!!!!!!!!!!  But not only that I LOVE the way its electro elements subtly hint of Agarthans being in control behind the scenes. This is especially cool in Road to Dominion where the electro parts are barely noticeable yet present. but other tracks have subtle electro vibes as well.  The other way the games music tells the story (such as use of leitmotifs or how the monastery music changes once Jeralt dies) is great as well.

I love how 3h can be read as an allegory for reformation era and reneissance. Its such an interesting way to read the games events and compare it to a real historical periods there’s quite a bit of f

In general I ADORE the cultural references of the game. There’s surprisingly lot of way the games world is based on real life and the details are just *chefs kiss*

THE GAME IS DENSE WITH THEMATIC IDEAS. Besides the perspective the game tackles ideas of how trauma can affect a persons psyche and worldview  (as well how a persons trauma affects the way they interact with the world which in turn can affect the world as well), grief, societal values, historical revisiniosm and so much more. The game tackles SO MANY topics in an interesting manner, it is thematically just as dense as it is storywise as well.

I also love how the games thematic parts work in harmony with the story rather than one overshadowing with the other. Its super refreshing honestly where a games themes and story are both rich and I don’t have to pick one over the other.

Lastly I ADORE the games central message (or at least what I see as the central message anyway): The world’s fucked up and most people want to fix it, but what they deem fixing differs and because of that they go into conflict or outright war rather than trying to find a common ground. Everyone wants a better world but no one can agree what a better world truly means  so they fight over it. It was a theme that not only resonates with my personal values but also hit me REALLY hard when I first played it as it’s a theme that I found incredibly relevant and reflective of our own world during the time I played the game for the first time.

So yeah. I made this post since there’s SO MUCH neat things about the game, its gameplay and story that sadly get swept under the rug in favor of either arguing  which lord was right/wrong or complaining how the game is an unfinished, rushed and overambitious mess. Is 3h perfect? Hell no. But it’s a game that I hold near and dear to my heart and does genuinely SO MANY THINGS RIGHT, I’m sad no one talks about the genuine strengths the game has anymore, instead just complaining.

I’m not even joking when I say that 3h should be up there as heralded as one of the best, most ambitious and complex JRPGs alongside Xenogears, the first Xenoblade game, Suikoden and Trails series as whole along other such games. Its a shame the games reputation is less like those games and more like Persona 5s where everyone focuses more on its flaws and the fans being annoying than the fact the game does geniunely A LOT right. It’s just that good, ambitious game I love so much.

[cosmixbun]

For those who don’t know the song ‘Hallelujah Money’, it is a song released by the band, ‘Gorillaz’ on the ‘Humanz’ album on January 17, 2017. Or more known as the eve of Donald Trump’s inauguration (keep this in mind, it’s very important.). The majority of the vocals were sung by Benjamin Clementine, the rest of course, was 2-d. The lyrics can be found here, if you want to read them. The music video can be found here. I suggest watching and reading both before really looking into this.

DISCLAIMER: I am not a big music person, I only find music video interest in the Gorillaz music videos. If I say something that you do not believe or have differing opinions, great. This is just what I bring to the table all these years later. There’s plenty more where I come from.

THE VIDEO:

I’m going to explain as best as I can with both parts so bear with me. Again, it would help to watch the video to see the background and the emotions in the video as portrayed by Benjamin. So, in the music video upon opening, we see the only person who will be the center of the whole music video, Benjamin. We see him in a shiny, gold building. This hallway, in the building, is a reference to the Trump Tower and Benjamin is portraying Trump, or at the least his ideals. The background images that are used in the music video are disturbing and can sometimes set an uneasy feeling. I’m not going to go super in depth on each image or video because there’s a lot but you can find the breakdown somewhere. In the music video we see flashes for symbols or things that symbolize power, such as the pyramid with the eye on the back of the US dollar bill (which is said to represent God or the illuminati, so pick one), a cowboy, and even a creepy clown video (not really a ‘power’ in a societal sense, but they affected how we lived for a while.) While the videos and pictures are shown in the back, the lyrics are being said. The majority of the time, the video and pictures have somewhat no connotation to the lyrics being sung. The end of the video ends with a clip of Spongebob screaming and crying, this was taken from the episode called ‘Karate Choppers’ from season one. The clip is right after Mr.Krabs, his boss, tells him that he’s fired. “You’re fired.” is one of Donald Trump’s signature quotes.

THE LYRICS:

Going into the lyrics I will also tie into the things that I had talked about in the music video. The lyrics in the beginning are more of acknowledging that the US is a growing country and that everyone is allowed here, except for `The scarecrows that come from the far east”. Benjamin then sings that to keep them away “Is by building walls, Walls like unicorns In full glory and galore” making a reference to the wall Trump had promised in his campaign that he was going to build. A lot of people in the states were looking forward to this and as it states, it was going to be a big project that would be looked at by many. Benjamin at this time in the music video is calm and collected and seems to be confident in what he is saying. He is also singing his thoughts about the American Dream, and how it is only for the starving, To me, this is saying that the people who don’t have it bad in this country don’t even have to think about the American Dream because they think they are already living it. Those who are struggling to get by everyday dream about the day where they won’t have to get up and wonder what their next meal is or even if they will see next week. Those people have their own dreams about the American Dream. He then thanks the people for trusting him, a reference to the fact that he is going to get inaugurated the next day. I’m going to skip 2-d’s parts for now and skip to the next time Benjamin starts to sing. The next verse that Benjamin sings is ‘Trump’ saying that even though this is how life is, we can’t do much about it, everyone in the world just wants power. We can’t be upset over something that is bound to repeat itself. He even says, “And the whole beasts of nations desire, Power”. In some way or another we want power. Trump definitely understood this and had taken it to a whole new level.

Now going into 2-d’s parts he sings both bridges in the song. In both parts that he sings he is singing directly to Benjamin. He’s asking these questions that we still ask today, “When the morning come, We are still human, How will we know? How will we dream? How will we love? How will we know ?” These questions are from the people and they are asking that if the world is so corrupt, how will we ever be able to love each other if all we can do is fight and argue. The first time 2-d comes to ask these questions, all Benjamin can do is listen. 2-d sits in Benjamin’s silhouette and Benjamin stays still. The second time he sings the same lyrics, Benjamin seems uneasy and worried, scared, and fearful. Benjamin’s hands are shaking and the book he’s holding, he is weary about. The music becomes more, ‘anxiety filled’. Then not too long after 2-d is done, Benjamin goes back to normal. Symbolizing that in his campaign and unknowingly, the years to come, he was going to be questioned and under heavy watch because not only was he a public figure, but a lot of allegations and scandals came up about him. In the same moment, he starts to sing, “Hallelujah Money” and rub his hands together in a way that you would say money, with your thumb, pointer, and middle finger. This was then showing that even after all of that, he still had support and his fame, all the efforts did nothing to him. He wasn't phased by a single thing that came towards him.

MY THOUGHTS:

So what are my thoughts on this music video? Three words.

Absolutely.

Fucking.

Incredible.

This music video was not only amazingly made, but Benjamin did the entire music video in one take. But coming away from that, the message that this brings to the table about how the former president saw the American Dream? How he felt about power and wealth? I think it captured it perfectly. The imagery that was used in the back of the video is stunning. The way they used the analogies in this was so intricate, but it worked and fit so well. The way that they went into it and went, ‘Ya know what. Let’s give it to em’.’ My absolute favorite part of this was the lines used to describe the different sides of the American Dream. The way they also used the tree analogy in the beginning to describe the idea of western prosperity just really sold it for me. The way this song was produced and how it sounds like a choir is singing with Benjamin to me is just the opinions of the people who agree with Trump and his ideals and them being like, ‘yeah, for the money.’ The kind of tone that song has is kind of 'rejoiceful' but having that hint of that ‘uneasiness’ that I had mentioned earlier. It just makes you think that it’s a normal Gorillaz song. The entire song is just powerful to me and after seeing it once again and hearing the song once again, and celebrating 4 years of the album...My appreciation only grows for it.

That’s pretty much it but I would like to close out with a quote from none other than Murdoc Niccals himself:

"In these dark times, we all need someone to look up to. That's why I'm giving you this new Gorillaz song, a lighting bolt of truth in a black night. You're welcome."

[missfay49]

Who is Orange?

Disclaimer: Please enjoy?  Accept?  Beware?  This… Thing that started out as character analysis and turned into a deranged fanfic, because I experienced a literal revelation mid-way through free writing.  I did not clean this up much because I’m still reeling from the theory implications myself.  I cursed a lot.

~

What does Orange Side represent?

What do we know?

Orange is a “Dark Side”, defined as being one of the Sides hidden from C!Thomas.

The other Hidden Sides were Janus, Remus, and Virgil.

All the Hidden Sides were hidden due to a key aspect of their character that C!Thomas had to first acknowledge and then accept.  Virgil required C!Thomas to acknowledge that he had heightened anxiety and accept that anxiety isn’t inherently wrong, just a different form of information that can be processed.  Remus required C!Thomas to acknowledge that he had intrusive thoughts and accept that those thoughts don’t make him evil; they’re just thoughts.  Janus required C!Thomas to acknowledge that he was capable of lying and accept that acting “selfishly” sometimes isn’t just okay, but actually critically important to managing stress.

 What are the common themes here?  

Confronting the reality about ourselves instead of pretending some traits don’t exist.

Understanding ourselves to be more complex than ‘good’ and ‘evil’.

Addressing mental health.  

Orange Side is still hidden, but we can expect him to be something C!Thomas doesn’t want to (or isn’t ready to) acknowledge.  Something that would be difficult to accept about oneself.  All Hidden Sides fall under the jurisdiction of Janus, so let’s take another look at him.

In “Can Lying Be Good?” we get a lot of information about what Janus’ purpose is:

Roman: It you really don’t want to know something, he… can keep our mouths shut.

Logan: You don’t want to believe it.  That’s where his power comes from.  Things that you want to believe.  Things that you wish were true.  And things that you wish weren’t.

Deceit: What you don’t know can’t hurt you.

This all means that Orange Side is something that would cause C!Thomas distress to learn and something he subconsciously wishes weren’t true.  This is not new information to most of you: the spin-off interpretations of Apathy and Pride are widely popular fandom theories, traits that are typically viewed as negative in large doses.

But the Hidden Sides being seen as something negative isn’t their only defining characteristic.  They typically involve an aspect a mental health, involve societal expectations, and... what is it...

Janus is the umbrella over all the other Hidden Sides, sheltering and obscuring them from view. He is the gatekeeper in a very literal sense.  What is he gatekeeping?  

What is it?  What is it what is it, why?  What does he do?  What seems bad but isn’t?  What can he do?  What issue is actually useful?  What’s useful what’s useful WHATS USEFUL WHATS USEFUL?!  WHY DOES IT HAVE TO USEFUL?

shitshitSHITSHISTHISTSTs

I KEPT ASKING MYSELF, WHAT’S USEFUL?  WHAT TRAIT COULD IT BE THAT APPEARS BAD, BUT ISN’T BAD, IS ACTUALLY USEFUL.  ANIEXTY WAS OKAY BECAUSE HE WAS JUST LOOKING OUT FOR US.  LYING WAS OKAY BECAUSE HE JUST WANTED TO PUT C!THOMAS FIRST.  INTRUSIVE CREATIVITY WAS OKAY BECAUSE DARK IDEAS OPEN UP NEW PATHS.

But the whole GODDAMN POINT is ACCEPTANCE!  

You don’t HAVE to be useful to be accepted.  You – yuo just BE.  YOU BE!

PEOPLE don’t have to prove their Usefulness to you before you can treat them with respect.  Our WORTH does not depend on what we PRODUCE. YE GODS, THE COGNITIVE DISSONANCE I JUST BROKE-

~~~

C!Thomas comes back from his self-care stay-cation.  He’s ready to start production, he is rested and refreshed.  BUT JUST LIKE EVERY PREVIOUS DILEMMA, it isn’t Good enough, Original enough, Fast enough.  He’s done everything right, why is it still wrong?  He’s accepted his anxiety, he’s accepted that things aren’t just black and white, he’s Accepted That It’s OKAY to have Dark Thoughts, he Has ACCEPTED SELF_CARE.  Why Isn’t IT ENOUGH?!

“Fuck it.”  

C!Thomas spins in his chair, looking at a man that looks just like him, but not quite.

“What?”

“Fuck it.  Fuck them.”

“You sound like Remus,” Thomas jokes.  He’s lying, of course.  He’s nervous. The Side looks like a normal guy, but something about him is unsettling.  The unidentified Side just presses his lips together, unimpressed.

“Um, ef w-who, exactly?” Thomas asks, but part of him already knows.

“All of them.  Every person who isn’t you.  Every person who expects something from you.”

“Now, you sound like Janus.” Thomas looks back at the computer screen, but the Side’s retort has him spinning around again.  

“Janus is a short-sighted pseudo-rebellious minion of a capitalistic society, just like the rest of them.”

“Uh, excuse me?!”

“Isn’t it obvious? They’re all obsessed with Success. Whether they want to play by the rules, or manipulate them, or break them, whether it’s making money or pumping out good deeds, they’re still just trying to make you be successful within the framework of a system that prioritizes production over a human life.”

Thomas just stares for a moment before he can find his voice.

“Who are you?”

“Dude, seriously?”  He waves his hands, palms up and presenting himself.  “I’m Achilleus.  I’m your motivation.”

~~~

Take a deep breath and follow me down the research black hole, where every topic I looked up was more and more terrifyingly appropriate: 

Freedom

noun

the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint.

Self-Determination

noun

the process by which a person controls their own life.

Autonomy

noun

(in Kantian moral philosophy) the capacity of an agent to act in accordance with objective morality rather than under the influence of desires.

Autonomic Nervous System (because i believe each Hidden Side is closer to the subconscious)

noun

the part of the nervous system responsible for control of the bodily functions not consciously directed, such as breathing, the heartbeat, and digestive processes.

Inherent Value

“inherent value in the case of animal ethics can be described as the value an animal possesses in its own right, as an end-in-itself” – Animal Rights – Inherent Value, by Saahil Papar

Intrinsic Value

“Intrinsic value has traditionally been thought to lie at the heart of ethics. Philosophers use a number of terms to refer to such value. The intrinsic value of something is said to be the value that that thing has “in itself,” or “for its own sake,” or “as such,” or “in its own right.”” – Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Value, by Michael J. Zimmerman and Ben Bradley

“Finally, his sense of respect for the intrinsic value of entities, including the non-sentient, is the Kantian notion of the inherent value of all Being.  This is based on the notion that a universe without moral evaluators (e.g. humans) would still be morally valuable, and there is no reason not to regard Being as inherently morally good.” – Technology and the Trajectory of Myth, by David Grant, Lyria Bennett Moses

Motivation

“Another way to conceptualize motivation is through Self-Determination Theory … which is concerned with intrinsic and extrinsic motivation.  Intrinsic motivation happens when someone does something for its inherent satisfaction.” – Second Language Acquisition Myths: Applying Second Language Research to Classroom Teaching, by Steven Brown, Jenifer Larson-Hall

Capitalism

“The flowery language of the United States Declaration of Independence would have you believe that human life has an inherent value, one that includes inalienable rights such as “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” But in America, a major indicator of value is actually placed on being a productive member of society, which typically means working a job that creates monetary revenue (especially if the end result is accumulated wealth and suffering was inherently involved in the process).” – The Diminished Value of Human Life in a Capitalistic Society, by Seren Sensei

Religion

“At the heart of the debate between Calvinism and Arminianism lay the insurmountable chasm between God’s sovereign election versus human self-determination.” – Sovereignty vs. Self-determination: Two Versions of Ephesians 1:3-14, by Reformed Theology

Mythology

“In Classical Greece, Achilles was widely admired as a paragon of male excellence and virtue. Later, during the height of the Roman Empire, his name became synonymous with uncontrollable rage and barbarism… He chooses kleos (glory) over life itself, and he owes his heroic identity to this kleos. He achieves the major goal of the hero: to have his identity put permanently on record through kleos…

“But is this really an accurate characterization of Achilles' pivotal decision? Is he really driven to sacrifice his life by an obsessive quest for honor and glory? One scene in the Iliad suggests the answer to both questions is no.

“When Achilles leaves the battlefield after his dispute with Agamemnon, the Trojans gain the upper hand on the Greeks. Desperate to convince their best warrior to return, Agamemnon sends an envoy of Achilles' closest friends to his tent to persuade him to reconsider his decision. During this scene, Achilles calmly informs his friends that he is no longer interested in giving up his life for the sake of heroic ideals. His exact words are below:

“The same honor waits for the coward and the brave. They both go down to Death, the fighter who shirks, the one who works to exhaustion (IX 386-388)…

“Not only does Achilles reject the envoy's offers of material reward, but he rejects the entire premise that glory is worth a man's life.” – making sense of a hero’s motivation, by Patrick Garvey

Achilles (/əˈkɪliːz/ ə-KIL-eez) or Achilleus (Ancient Greek: Ἀχιλλεύς, [a.kʰilˈleu̯s])

Achilles realizes his own inherent self-worth, thereby freeing himself from the expectations of others; societal or otherwise.  Only once we are free can we find the balance between our own needs and the needs of others in a way that breeds neither anger nor resentment in either.

~~~

But that’s... that’s just... a theory.   Huh.

[scarlettsabetlondongirl]

January 9th is: 

Jimmy Page’s Birthday!

Capricorn

Excerpted from The Sex Files: by Rowan Davis

December 22 - January 20

He's told you before that sex to him is not knowing where you end and where he begins, and you're surprised that a man so self-contained allows his body to mesh with another's so completely. In fact, you've learned to pay careful attention to the small things with him—a glance, a touch, a shift in stance speaks volumes about what he's feeling. These little clues provide infinitely more comfort than a thousand words, because you know that talk is cheap. The simple kindness he gives you provides his feelings well enough, for when he fills you, he looks into your eyes and you know that you fill him just as completely.

Saturn, the Deposed King

Commander of the old holy order, Saturn ruled during the Golden Age of man, when all was a utopia and man was still pure. Eventually, Saturn was dethroned by his son, Jupiter (Greek: Zeus) and man sank to the folly and hedonism personified by Jupiter's many lusts and his desire for vengeance. The Capricorn himself always has the air of a man eternally stuck in the good old days. He's aware of the destructive changes men have wrought on themselves, and still he tries to maintain some of the original purity of the race of mankind through traditional values. He clings to his beliefs, maintaining a stoic, detached exterior. And he reacts to his patron's fall from favor by retaining some grace and attempting to achieve a measure of respect for himself through social and economic positions.

In astrology, Saturn governs self-control, responsibility, and the "thou shall not's" of life. The Capricorn male is not so much born to rule as he is a man who has already ruled and is having one hell of a time giving up the leadership position. In an effort to do so, he may become overly judgmental of others or over lax in his self-control, resorting to drugs and alcohol to help him relax his need to dominate a situation, or even as tools for subversively doing so. Saturn himself, in fear of losing his authority, ate his children as soon as they were born to ensure they could not fulfill the prophesy of one of them taking his throne. When Zeus attempted to do just that, such a war ensued as to nearly destroy the world. And, as many exiled rulers are, he became the scapegoat for everything that was wrong, while Jupiter, the new ruler, was heralded as the perfect king.

His Top Traits Explored

He's Repressed. The sign of Capricorn stands for restriction, self-control, social status, and generally any pursuit that takes a great deal of time for fruition. The Capricorn male faces a life-long struggle with his excessive tendencies, trying to package his larger-than-life personality into a more conventional bread box to make it easier for himself and others to handle.

As a somewhat pessimistic fatalist, the Capricorn male leans toward self-indulgence, especially of the illegal substance and sexual affair varieties. (After all, what's the point of being so self-controlled if there's nothing there that needs to be controlled?) It's uncomfortably easy for him to talk himself into betraying his lover or his health by reminding himself that everything's bound to end anyway, regardless of what he does at any particular moment. However, he could not be a Capricorn without rigid self-regulation, and in an attempt to control his raunchier cravings, many Capricorn men have a tendency to become fanatical followers of religion or societal traditions. Part of him believes that women were made to take care of men, and that it is his lover's job to make sure his home life is as comfortable and secure as possible, regardless of his extra-marital activities.

His fluctuation between steely repression and melting self-indulgence is a trademark of his sexual expressiveness in the bedroom. His sudden passions are followed by long periods of detachment—in a way, his abstinence is a means of penance for his previous hot and heavy behavior either because his religious attitudes make him feel guilty or because he has scared himself with his inhibitions and the power of his lust for you. If his partner becomes resentful over this ebb and flow, he's likely to take his sexual attentions elsewhere, letting her deal with one side of his personality and his mistress the other.

There's also a certain kinkiness hidden in the Capricorn's personality. It doesn't have to do with various positions, exotic accoutrements, etc. It has more to do with playing a few taboo masculine roles like simulating rape or incest, playing High Priest or Dark Official during sexual religious rites, or having sex with multiple women or prostitutes at the same time. Again, what's the point of repression if there's nothing to repress?

He's Emotionally Aloof. Does he want a relationship or not? Is he interested in you sexually? Is he in love or does he just barely tolerate you? It's hard to tell with this stoic man. Although it's tough to see on the surface, he does have feelings—quite a lot of them, actually, and they all run deep. His heart is remarkably fragile, and when he falls in love he does so with such abandon that it terrifies him; however, there's a good chance that the object of his affection knows little about his feelings for her.

One of the reasons for his lack of demonstrativeness is that he's always holding out for something better to come along and he doesn't want to make any commitment before he's sure that his lover is as good as he'll get. He enjoys the freedom of being able to move from one woman to another, even if it tears him apart. Being born under the sign of repression means that he's continually fluctuating between extravagant displays and total emotional detachment.

In order to find out how this man is feeling, it will probably be necessary to poll the people closest to him, and you can expect to get a small piece of the puzzle from each. He'll only rarely tell you outright, and any attempt to force it out of him will be met by either withdrawal or with an explosion of anger. Even after sex, his emotions are difficult to determine, and he's one of those men who will talk about previous relationships more than his current one without any regard as to which is more important or dedicated.

He's Practical. Each action is carefully thought out and every consequence examined in each facet. The Capricorn male is rational and practical; his life is measured and ambitious. His extreme practicality is a method of hiding his sometimes bizarre inner life and it also serves as a way to minimize the effects of his impulsive tendencies, which can devastate his finances and relationships.

Measuring every quality of his lover before forming any commitments can be a blow to his partner's pride. It is, however, a habitual Capricorn trademark. When he does commit, it's with the understanding that he'll leave if someone better comes along. Often, he attempts to soften the impact of this by telling his partner that she has the same option. The perpetual social climber, he prefers to marry for money and status rather than love, although if he stumbles upon the embodiment of his ideals (usually someone naïve and wholesome), he'll be willing to lessen the financial expectations somewhat—especially if his own situation is stable.

Although his approach to sex is practical, he has more than the normal amount of fetishes and far-out fantasies. His practical nature gets in the way of his sexual expression as he is bound by what he feels he is and is not allowed to do in bed. Eventually, this unspent energy has to go somewhere, and he'll either find himself in another woman's bed or drowning in substance abuse. His traditional mindset, the prescribed roles for women, his all-important social standing all link together to make it nearly impossible for him to find a mate who's as in to unusual sex as he is; although, he's infinitely happier if he's able to make such a connection.

Sex with a Capricorn Male

Being made of cardinal earth, this man is more than likely extremely good in bed. When not engaged in his aforementioned kinkier acts, he likes straight sex without the frills—on the surface, anyway. He has some naughtier inclinations that he might not feel comfortable having the "traditional woman" he's chosen to partner with satisfy. (Doing so would detract from her wholesome appearance.) He enjoys pleasuring his partner, taking firm command of her body. Capricorns tend to be born with the sexual knowledge of an experienced middle-aged man. As long as he isn't one of those deeply repressed or traditional Capricorns who tend to expect his partner to please or stimulate him rather than doing any of the work himself, he will take most of the accountability for the caliber of the sex in his relationships, using his ability to delay his own orgasms to both his and his partner's advantage.

He's often attracted to other men because they possess qualities he wishes he himself had. With his general confusion about the metaphysics of sex, he can turn this attraction or appreciation into sexual energy, wishing to be a part of the other man through sexual means in order to somehow share in his glory. Because of his typically traditional values, such feelings can leave him traumatized and distraught about his masculinity, and drive him to pursue ever more female conquests or religious purifications.

It's rare for the Capricorn to have a sexual experience that isn't well thought out beforehand—even his affairs are planned. Because sex has a lot of traditional and religious meanings, the Capricorn cannot and will not take it lightly, although he may take his relationships for granted. For this reason, sex with him can feel like a solemn event, full of dark looks and ritualism and lacking in any positive or joyous emotion. When his oppressive air is coupled with his tendency to cheat, the Capricorn's worst enemy is himself and his partners have a high risk of suffering negative emotional consequences simply for being involved with him.

Preferred Games

The Metrosexual. He knows how to dress to play his role to its best advantage. His shirt, pants, shoes, and woman are all in style and look fabulous draped around him. He's desperately interested in social status, and seeks ways of outdoing every other man in the room—he doesn't really take the competition from women very seriously. Everything is designed and arranged to best suit him and his ambitions; he isn't afraid to marry purely for money or status.

The Zealot. Whichever religion he chooses—probably the most popular one in his area—he's absolutely certain of its truth. He brings piety to a new level, and you'll find him in church whenever they'll let him in. Religion gives him a ready-made list of rules and restrictions, and an explanation for why each and every one of them is necessary and what to do to absolve himself of any indiscretion he commits. He won't always stick to the sexual rules prescribed to him, but he will at least feel guilty each time he violates them.

The Man. He's the man, and that means he's in charge. He's the breadwinner, wears the pants in the family, and makes all the major decisions. He can be as stubborn as an unruly child when he doesn't get his way, and he actually stomps his foot and pouts, perhaps even knocking over a few plates, until you give in. He firmly believes that women are scatter-brained, petty, catty, childlike people, who are there for his pleasure and should come and go at his command. He can be persuaded by them, sure, but only because he enjoys spoiling them and making them giggle. The truth is that he doesn't like competition and by undermining over half the population, he removes over half of his challengers.

The Master. As already noted, the Capricorn male loves being in charge and some of his favorite sexual fantasies involve playing the masculine role in some inappropriate sexual situation. He loves being in full control of his partner, and having her either obey his every command, or be in such a scenario where she has no choice but to acquiesce, such as blindfolded and gagged. When he plays with BDSM, there are no safe words involved. Playing with experienced, "well-worn" women makes these games easier in the end, and he isn't above hiring help.

The Corrupter. Few things meet his egotistical, misogynistic needs like corrupting someone who already has a higher status and is purer of thought and body. He enjoys wealthy, naïve women to whom he can introduce sex, drugs, and the dark side of society. Orchestrating an aristocrat's fall from grace, and being the maestro of her descent, is intoxicating for him and helps him affirm some of his beliefs that women should act as he thinks they should, or suffer the consequences.

What He Needs to Learn About Sex

Mr. Capricorn needs to find a means of strengthening his confidence out of the bedroom before he decides to bring his ego into bed with him. His traditional views of women can place undue restriction on both him and his partner, and true emotional fulfillment in a relationship occurs when both people are equal and equally appreciated. He would also benefit from learning how to experience joy in sex. Meditation and concentration on physical sensations rather than intellectual consequences could help him here, especially if the exercises are done with a partner he respects and cherishes.

Photo: Photographer Ross Halfin

[welanabananaworld]

Us and the voice of dystopia

Jordan Peele’s latest film, Us, is as uncanny and disturbing as his first movie Get Out which proved itself to be a cinematic feat at the time of its release in 2017. Rightly considered as one of the fathers of the horror film renaissance (see also Ari Aster), Jordan Peele has been succeeding not only in addressing societal issues and in adopting a critical stance toward his home country but also in injecting an artistic vision in what is unfairly and generally regarded as second-class films. 

In Us, Jordan Peele’s strong sense of composition and framing reveals the main theme of the film : the duality of human nature through the evil self. Nothing revolutionary so far. Many films of the genre have explored the mythology surrounding the figure of the doppelgänger from multiple angles. For example, Alfred Hitchcock’s and Darren Aronofsky’s use of the double has a psychological bent; to dig through Scotty’s perverse psyche in the haunting Vertigo (1958) and to explore a mental illness in Black Swan (2011), whereas in The Great Dictator (1940), Charlie Chaplin chose to play both Hynkel and the Jewish barber for satirical purpose. In Us, nothing of the sort. Remember what we said about Jordan Peele’s films? About how the horror genre disguises social subtexts? But before aiming at the true meaning of this human mirror, one should focus more on the narrative use of the voice which proves to be of utter importance to understand what is at stake, because if you really listen to the voice, you understand the whole film.

Us tells the story of Adelaïde Wilson’s family who goes on holiday at the seaside in Santa Cruz. A series of strange coincidences reminds her of the trauma she experienced there when she was a little girl while vacationing with her parents. She made a disturbing encounter in the hall of mirrors of a funhouse. She came face to face with a little girl who looked just like her. After this event, she could no longer speak for a while because of, it seems, a post-traumatic stress disorder. At present day, overwhelmed with fear, she confides in her husband about her past. The same evening, they discover four people standing outside their house, their doppelgängers. Ruthlessly hunted, the Wilson family will have to look inward in order to counter their own selves. 

What strikes first when they all meet is that Red, Adelaïde’s double, is the only one  who is able to speak, or rather utter words. She is struggling with very word she says, as if her speech production was failing her somehow. When she starts speaking, her voice happens to be hoarse, cavernous, husky, strained, even  choked. Her disorder of phonation makes her voice otherworldly such as of a creature’s coming straight out of hell. It feels like she is not used to talk, actually that this is the first time she tries to pronounce and articulate words to create sentences. In this perspective, it is worth stressing Lupita Nyong’o’s astonishing work to produce Red’s chilling croaky and guttural voice. She used spasmodic dysphonia to make a creepy voice, that is a neurological disorder that causes involuntary breaks or interruptions in the voice due to an irregular flow of air. This language impairment, however, does not prevent Red from telling her story; the story of a dystopian world.

Red and Adelaïde are two sides of the same mirror. One learns that everything Adelaïde does is mirrored and has an impact on Red’s life, only the other way around. Everything that is happening in Red’s life is a pale copy of Adelaïde’s achievements and takes on a nightmarish dimension. Red’s husband, Abraham, is rough and dumb; her daughter, Umbrae, is born laughing and her son, Pluto, is a dangerous arsonist. The ideal family meets the poor and sad version of themselves who now claims justice through revenge, hence the imagery of the good and evil self. 

Throughout the film, the mise-en-scène keeps referring to the double as a warning or rather a prophecy as to the coming of those doppelgängers clad in red jumpsuits, which strangely resemble the clothing of prisoners. The clues left by the director are the following ones : the twin sisters of the superficial WASP family friends, the shadow of each member of the Wilson family projected on the sand while they are walking on the beach, the recurring number « 11:11 »  featured here and there (an extract from the Bible, Jeremiah 11:11), Jason wearing a mask (maybe a reference to the iconic masked murderer of Friday the 13th whose name is Jason?), Jason’s drawing showing a kid who looks just like him, a toy plastic spider behind which a true spider appears crawling across the low table of the living room, and of course the daze of mirrors. 

All those elements evoke duplicity and foresee a parallel world unknown so far. Red’s voice, alone, embraces all that imagery and embodies the punitive prophecy hidden behind the verse from the Old Testament book, the Book of Jeremiah, whose verse alludes to God’s wrath : « Therefore thus saith the Lord, Behold, I will bring evil upon them, which they shall not be able to escape; and though they shall cry unto me, I will not hearken unto them. » The invasion of the doppelgängers across the world is a divine plague orchestrated by Red from the underworld to take revenge. 

In fact, what the film tends to reveal all along is the existence of an underworld located inside « the thousands miles of tunnels beneath the continental United States », which are « abandoned subways systems », as stated at the very beginning of the film as an introduction. Those subways are inhabited by people who are the product of a failed governmental scientific experiment designed to replicate the bodies of those above to manipulate them. However, they discovered  that the « soul » could not be duplicated, hence the repudiation and neglect of that population now doomed to survive below the Earth’s surface, with raw rabbits as sole source of nourishment, and to « act out grim recreations of their respective partners’ above ground actions like sad little marionettes. »1 The scientific dimension of this governmental conspiracy is foretold in the opening credits by the camera progressively zooming out the caged rabbits. This shot conveys the idea of a sanitized laboratory. The existence of two opposite worlds is also mentioned by the shot which shows the funhouse twice, by night and day (darkness and daylight). 

The organised overthrow, which takes as an example the Hand Across America charity campaign of 1986 (giant human chain), can be interpreted in many ways : an uprising against social inequalities, such as racial, gender and salary based discrimination, which undermine the U.S (or Us); a country where climbing in the social ladder is more and more unattainable for under-represented ethnic minorities. It can also be seen as a denunciation of what America has become, unfair, poor and divided; a denunciation of the famous ideology of American exceptionalism through the ostentatious display of American symbols distorted by the horror genre. The « tethered » are done being downtrodden and ostracized. They want to embrace the American myth that had been promised to them by taking their rights back and by building a new world, hence Red’s assertive reply to Gabe’s question « Who are you, people? » : « We are Americans. » They claim themselves as being true Americans (to be connected to the Native American reference of the original funhouse’s sign), free from all materialistic concerns. 

Only, this does not constitute the twist ending of the film. Like all self-respecting horror films, Us is no exception in the matter and does offer a shocking one. And this is the voice which hints at it all along and that turns upside down the government’s theory about their human experiments. 

Red’s whistling while walking up the alley of the Wilson’s family with a pair of scissors in her hand in the dark is where the truth really lies. If one has well paid attention to the details, one would have noticed that Adelaïde whistled the same way when she was trapped in the hall of mirrors when she was a young girl, as if to ward off the coming threat. Do you see my point? Why is Adelaïde so reluctant and does have trouble engaging in a conversation with Kitty on the beach? Why would Red be the only tethered to be provided with the ability to speak? Why this eager for revenge? Because Red actually is the true Adelaïde. Back to the funhouse in 1986, young Adelaïde’s clone, Red, was lured to go to the surface as Adelaïde  progressively approached to her tragic destiny. 

What the film did not show is that Red strangled Adelaïde until she fainted, dragged her down the tunnel, attached her to her bed in the dormitory and switched place with her among Adelaïde’s family, hence her early language deficiency. While Red grew up like a normal little girl and learned how to speak, Adelaïde lost progressively her language abilities growing up among zombie-like human beings, which proves that the government’s theory is wrong. The soul cannot be duplicated but this does not mean that the tethered are « soulless creatures ». If given the chance, as Red has had, the tethered would have turned out perfectly okay. They would have followed the regular human evolution process called « hominisation » or « anthropogenesis », the process of becoming human. Indeed, the doppelgängers all look like primitive animals. Pluto, by his gesture, reminds of a monkey-like primate’s attitude and Abraham’s moans, groans and grunts are those of Cro-Magnon man. Their names evoke ancient times, something rough yet to evolve, and the mythology of the doppelgänger, Pluto being the god of the underworld, Umbrae the latin word for shadow. Abraham is the « Father of the nations » which can be connected to the human chain the tethered seek to initiate to rise up and find they own humanity. Red’s name could refer to the color of the tethered’ garments, and thus evoke the state of imprisonment which they have been reduced to until now. 

In this perspective, Red’s voice is not only the voice of dystopia but goes far beyond this sole and somewhat manichean opposition which is the driving force behind the narrative of the film. Red’s voice, by also being the voice of anthropological evolution, mainly serves to establish a connection between the latter subject and the current state of American society. With no equality of opportunity, people cannot equally seek higher social and intellectual status and end up being the slaves of the system. America has now no other choice but to drop her delusions and take her mask off. 

1 Bojalad, A., (2019, March 22). Us, Hands Across America, and the failed American experiment. Retrieved from https://www.denofgeek.com/movies/us-jordan-peele-hands-across-america/

[deathchasing]

romance headcanons

name:          octavio silva.

nickname:          octane! he’s been called oct and ‘tav for short, but in general he doesn’t appreciate these nicknames unless you know him super well (though that doesn’t stop people from using them).

gender:           male. he/him.

romantic orientation:          he’s never really given it much thought-- gender doesn’t really play a role in who he’s attracted to, but he does tend to lean more towards other men. personality, demeanor, and dynamic matter far more to him. in a word, he’s ... dangersexual? oof.

preferred pet names:           none that he would admit to liking. whether they’re ‘pet’ names is debatable. they’re certainly not terms of endearment for the average person.

relationship status:           he’s definitely got something significant though ill-defined going on with @corrodent, whatever that might be - otherwise a couple of unhealthy flings as per the usual.

favorite canon/fandom ship:         fandom tends to put him in fluffy ships with mirage mainly, but I personally don’t see octane really fitting into that  framework (sorry miroctane fans). He’s a disaster dedicated to chasing a high no matter the cost; he doesn’t have the leftover commitment to spare for a healthy, stable relationship, nevermind that in canon he clearly lacks the emotional maturity for one, friendship or otherwise. caustane is my fav ship for obvious reasons, the dynamic is a really interesting one from a storytelling standpoint, and there’s potential on both sides for various conflict and growth. i think the age gap bothers some people which is valid but octane doesn’t strike me as the kind of character who would care at all.

cryptane is also really growing on me! lots of potential there too, especially re: crypto having no choice but to be in the games and octane being there purely by choice. i’m excited to explore it.

favorite crossover ship:           up until really recently the only ships I had aside from caustane were crossover ships! it’s too hard to choose! i of course love my crossover buddies @incnspcuous, @zweiherzen, @programregulator <3

opinion on true love:         the concept of love confuses him. he’s not really sure what it is? he grew up learning that in order to be loved he had to be good enough to deserve it, whatever that might entail. old man silva didn’t much care for a son that had no interest in carrying on with his work, and so octavio went a long time believing it was his own fault he wasn’t loved. nowadays he’s fiercely defensive of his self-worth, always the first to step up and prove himself, but on the downside it means he doesn’t really accept love anymore - it would meaning opening himself to the potential of losing that love, too, and that’s something he can’t handle, not after what he went through when he was younger, constantly vying for love he knew deep down he would never receive.

people he cares enough about still can get under his skin without much trouble, unfortunately, and dredge up this younger self that’s so terrified of being alone. he’s easily taken advantage of in this manner.

opinion on love at first sight:         perhaps not necessarily ‘love,’ despite what he may think, but he’s certainly looked at a certain someone before and been riveted on the spot.

how ‘romantic’ are they?:           hardly, if at all. octane can barely sit still long enough to have a single quiet, intimate exchange (though he has his moments), and prefers fun and games and banter more than anything affectionate or soft.

ideal physical traits:           not hugely important, but being bigger than him and/or capable of snapping him over a table like dry pasta is a bonus.

ideal personality traits:         given his track record, octane primarily finds himself magnetized to dark, cold, intelligent individuals, often capable of doing him great mental and physical harm. the more terrifying, the more octane finds himself attracted. flirting with death is almost a point of pride for him; he likes to see how far he can get before he’s outsmarted, and it’s his pursuit of greater thrills through this outlet that feeds his desire for validation. of course, there’s also the misery that comes of these qualities, but it’s so normalized for him he doesn’t pay much mind to the stress it puts on his psyche.

unattractive physical traits:           nothing of note, really.

unattractive personality traits:         there’s not much he finds outstandingly unattractive. he definitely doesn’t like people who aren’t true to themselves, who lie about who they are for approval or because they fear rejection. he finds it doesn’t do anyone any favors to water down who you are for the sake of societal or cultural mores. be unabashedly yourself or forfeit the claim you have on your place in the universe. he wouldn’t say he’s a hypocrite in respect to this belief either, because while he does wear a mask, octane is more of a persona meant to celebrate the qualities about himself he cherishes - it’s freeing to him, not a prison like it might otherwise be to someone afraid of who they are.

ideal date:           honestly he’s down for anything. he loves trying new things and going to new places. of course, he’s less inclined to go to fancier places-- it’s hard for him to behave, much less stick to using his inside voice-- but really he’ll always be excited and revved up to do whatever his partner wants to do, unless it’s exceedingly boring.

do they have a type?:        haha. pretty obvious at this point that he does.

average relationship length:         as mentioned, he doesn’t really do committed relationships. he doesn’t have the patience or willingness to dedicate himself to someone in that matter. he tends to spend a lot of his time around one or two primary people but prefers to keep these relationships open. he’s selfish, basically - and beneath the surface, feeling caged or limited is quite frightening to him.

preferred non-sexual intimacy:      he’s not a big fan of non-sexual intimacy, actually, feels about it much the same way he feels about love. affection makes him intensely aware of himself and his feelings and all the squishy, vulnerable parts of himself he guards so staunchly. he would rather be beaten within an inch of his life than lovingly caressed. it hurts so much more to bear his heart.

commitment level:           i think this is a good area to elaborate that while octane doesn’t exactly do committed relationships, he is extremely loyal and dedicated to those he cares deeply for. despite his selfishness, he is willing to make sacrifices if it means doing right by someone important in his life - he would love nothing more than to make them proud of him. occasionally this does become more important than whatever his needs may be. at the end of the day, he’s a sweet boy and does care about other people, it just pains him to do so, and it’s an inconvenience he doesn’t enjoy humoring.

opinion of public affection:        he’s shameless. you could slap his ass in front of the entire syndicate and he probably wouldn’t blink an eye.

past relationships?:           he’s had one-night stands in the past-- not as many as people might suspect with that attitude-- but nothing significant. caustic is really the first relationship he’s had that’s lasted longer than a month or two.

tagged by: @incnspcuous <3 tagging:  @enccrypted, @corrodent, @programregulator, @driftyr, @zweiherzen, @ajayslullaby, @psycchout and whoever else wants to take a shot!

[ask-gijinka-creationtrio]

clarification on that bit on gender and contemplations on other stuff

If anyone actually bothers to read this lmao

Dialga: This question was pretty much inevitable.

Palkia: I’m honestly fine with being referred to as an “it”.

Giratina: Why the hell should we worry about “it” being “dehumanizing” when we’re not human to begin with?

Something that I knew would eventually get brought up is the genders of my interpretation of the trio. The simple answer is encapsulated in the prev post: they’re dragon gods. Gender is a societal construct; sex is for reproduction. Legendary entities that represent the fundamental laws of the universe don’t really have a need for either society or reproduction. So as with the games, they’re all officially non-binary/genderless.

That said, my designs gravitate towards one or the other. One reason is that i’m not creative, bold, inspired, or talented enough to really translate that genderless attribute into humanoid form. Another is that someone pointed out to me a while ago that Palkia has a low waist-hip ratio, stiletto clawed feet, and some designs will feature a more prominent chest. That and the gendered color-coding Pokemon started doing with blue males and red/pink females, like with the menu screens starting from Gen III, the Eon Duo, Jellicent in Gen V, and Team Skull Grunts in Gen VII. 

That said, I’m not a huge fan of these reasons, as you could also make the counterargument that Palkia looks somewhat phallic. So I kinda wanna get into an Extended Rant™ on why I choose to depict my OCs the way, even though no one probably cares lmao

It starts out with the Kanji/Hanzi for “Universe”: 宇宙, Uchū in Japanese and Yǔzhòu in Chinese. You might recall it if you’ve read Pokemon Adventures. 

You might also remember if you visited that one dude on Route 228 in Diamond and Pearl who gets yeeted out of his house by Cyrus’s contrite grandfather by the time Platinum rolls around. Okay, realistically, barely anyone probably does (that guy wasn’t that memorable), but he basically says the same thing as Cyrus in the panels above: 宇宙, coined by the ancient Taoists, esoterically means something like “the totality of extension” + “the totality of duration”. In other words, the ancient Japanese/Chinese word for “universe” is lit. “space” + “time”. This is actually a somewhat obscure, unnecessary detail that even many native speakers seem to be unaware of. It also ties in heavily with the Yin-Yang 陰陽 of Taoism.

I know Taoism is more a Gen V theme, but it’s a concept implicit throughout the franchise, hence games generally come in twos, sharing complementary/opposing or dualistic/dichotomic themes. Even trios tend to have the third member as the odd one out or mediator. There’s much more to the Yin-Yang than just Truth/Ideals and I sorta wish Game Freak would explore it more to really unite the franchise as a whole around the interconnected theme of both diversity and harmony.

The Yin-Yang isn’t strictly about Truth/Ideals as much as it is about the fundamentally dualistic nature of existence and the oneness implicit in the inseparability of coexisting complementary concepts. Thus, truth and ideals are two sides of the same coin, as are time and space as relativity revealed. The Yin-Yang is vague enough to basically be an umbrella representation term for any complementary duality. It should be noted that the feminine Yin and masculine Yang don’t refer to stereotypical/conventional notions of femininity or masculinity, but rather requires an abstract interpretation.

The Yin-Yang is composed of an active component, and a passive/reflective/receptive one. More easily understood in that one aspect creates the body and the other gives it life. One which shapes/nurtures/mothers being and one which animates/directs/fathers it. Abstract interpretations of the feminine Mother and masculine Father follow suit. As do dualistic concepts like particle and wave, existence and essence, ovum and sperm, object/entity and idea/concept, magnitude and direction, defense and offense, nature/tradition and technology/advancement (Gen I & Gen II), space and time (Gen IV), truth and ideals (Gen V), night/moon and day/sun (Gen VII), and shields and swords i guess (Gen VIII).

I excluded Gen III because among the classical elements, earth and water are both traditionally considered reflective/feminine, with fire and air being active/masculine, but i suppose if you factor in Primal Reversion in Gen VI, it works. With the Aura Trio, I read something unrelated but interesting about how apparently Ohmori Shigeru hinted at parallels between the Weather Trio and Aura Trio. Can’t find the source though. Blue - Seas were the first (Alpha) source of Life; Red - fiery, desolate Lands signify the Death of all in the end (Omega); Green - Order/Balance mediates between two forces of nature that can be malevolent/chaotic left unchecked, with the trio master possessing abilities that cancel out the other two. 

Going off the rails a bit more, speaking of color-parallels, there’s probably going to be one of the subtractive colors between Gen VIII and the (highly probable) Gen IV remakes this generation, with Cyan - Dialga, Azelf, Lucas’ accents, Za-cian; Magenta - Palkia, Mesprit, Dawn’s accents, Za-mazenta; Yellow - Giratina, Uxie, Barry’s accents, whoever the third member of the Gen VIII mascot/box art legendary trio is going to be. I wonder how they’re going to incorporate the parallels tho

Anyway I digress. The ancient Daoists associated feminine Yin with 宇/Space and masculine Yang with 宙/Time by virtue of insisting the feminine aspect precedes, but even disregarding that, Space fits in with the Yin criteria of that which represents the body and Time fits in with the Yang criteria of that which initiates life.

So while they’re genderless, Dialga represents the concept of masculinity and Palkia femininity in their most pure, abstract, and universal form according to the Dao. While this doesn’t make Dialga a dudebro and Palkia whatever the hell the feminine equivalent is, in my mind, Palkia has a strong maternal instinct and Dialga is very much a dad. Giratina is weird chaotic goth aunt/uncle who gives u ur first taste of alcohol just to spite grandpa and reads fanfiction with candles and a glass of wine like it’s a fucking literary hour.

That’s my logic and explanation behind it anyhow. The distinction goes something like Palkia will concern itself more with the state or properties of something (who, what, where) whereas Dialga will concern itself more with the role or activity of it (when, why, how). As time and space are, however, they’re deeply intertwined and cannot be separated.

I might move this bit to a separate post somewhere down the line since this has already dragged on long enough, but I’ll share some thoughts on Giratina here and tie it in with the overarching topic of assigning gender roles lol. According to Game Freak, Giratina represents antimatter, but there are some inconsistencies. I know this shit has to be taken with a grain of salt because of Pokemon logic/science and whatever, but I gave it some thought regardless. My personal headcanon is that Altered Giratina represents dark matter/energy and Origin Giratina represents antimatter. Whatever tf Gira represents in Pokemon lore is based on a combination of the two, with the Reverse/Distortion World probably alluding to the idea of an anti-universe. Antimatter and dark matter are not really the same thing, but they’re both trippy cosmic constructs that sound somewhat similar, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . I wanted to make a distinction because while antimatter doesn’t distort spacetime any more than normal matter, it’s speculated that dark matter (actually dark energy) does, and is responsible for the rapid expansion of the universe. 

This would also go along nicely with Gira complementing the the Spacetime twins while also complementing Arceus. It would also fit as justification for Giratina having to switch from Origin to Altered Forme upon entering the universe presided over by Dialga and Palkia, not because of the shift in spacetime stability, but rather due to the violent, annihilating reaction that occurs when matter and antimatter come into contact with one another. It’s by no means a perfect resolution hc, but it is one that I’ve gotten attached to.

Anyhoo, I designed Giratina to appear more androgynous (or at least attempted to). However, going by that masculine active/feminine reflective duality highlighted in the Yin-Yang, Origin Gira, with antimatter a reflection of normal matter, appears a bit more feminine-androgynous, whereas Altered Gira, with dark matter an active driving force for the expansion of the universe, appears a bit more masculine-androgynous (though iirc it hasn’t shown up yet and i’m not too great with consistency regardless). That was my idea behind it in any case. Origin Gira wears a binder under that big dastardly overcoat. i guess it’s technically genderfluid.

Digressing a bit, but another artistic choice was the skin tone of the trio. 0 points for subtlety on my part, but the color is Cosmic Latte, the average color of the universe. Like that bit on gender, I wanted to base it on some aspect of reality. I juggled between that and pure black with stars for freckles, but in the end i’m a lazy piece of shit who cuts corners for a living, so i settled on Primordial Clam Chowder because it was easier lmao. that’s why they pasty af

Anyways, if you have any design ideas or you wanna see a member of the trio in another form, feel free to submit your ideas or a magic anon or whatever! 

TL;DR tbh this wasn’t even a structured rant it was just me going off the rails and sharing random useless deetz. this isn’t even a tl;dr. what the fuck

[featherquillpen]

Unreliable Narrators in Animorphs

After listening to @serpentcast‘s excellent episode about unreliable narrators, I got to thinking about the rotating first-person narration of the Animorphs books and the ways in which each narrator is unreliable. The hosts of Be the Serpent talked about three types of unreliable narrators: ones that are deliberately lying to you, ones that are lying to themselves, and ones that are just too ignorant to tell you the truth. I think we see all three types in the Animorphs series. So here are my takes, in rough order from most reliable narrator to least reliable.

Rachel

Rachel is the most reliable narrator of the six because her way of dealing with the brutality of war and her ever deeper entanglement in it is to be brutally honest with herself. She never shies away from the increasing darkness in herself, nor from exactly how fucked up the world around her has become. She knows exactly what she is, how she got there, why she hates it, and why she can’t stop. Nor is she oblivious like Ax – she can clearly see the changes in her teammates and her family, and isn’t afraid to point them out.

She’s also much more reliable about aspects of the war the other Animorphs tend to refuse to see. For example, all the other Animorphs except Ax tend to idealize Cassie as a moral compass, including Cassie herself to some degree. Rachel is able to see through it, though, as her best friend. In Book 22, she can’t buy into Cassie’s comfortable (self-)deception that her solution for David is merciful, because she’s there for every minute of the two hours it takes for him to become trapped in morph. 

The one thing that Rachel is a seriously unreliable narrator about is Tobias. She thinks of him as a human boy cruelly trapped in hawk form, when in fact he thinks of himself as more hawk than boy. He is quite clear about this, and every other Animorph understands this about him except Rachel. Her unreliable narration about Tobias means that she can’t even fully admit in the text how cruel and monstrous her actions toward him at the beginning of book 33 were.

Cassie

Cassie is mostly a reliable narrator because she’s very perceptive, especially of other people, and she feels a moral obligation to face down the effects of war on people. She believes if she lies to herself about the war, that’s the first step down a dark path. 

Cassie does have a blind spot, though, when it comes to herself. Most of the Animorphs, especially Jake, hold Cassie up as the group’s moral compass, and Cassie herself has bought into that myth to a large degree. She certainly doubts her own moral judgment, and doesn’t think she’s always right. But she does lie to herself about the nobility of her motivations and the consequences of her moral choices. She spent most of book 19 blatantly lying to herself about why she quit the Animorphs, wanting to believe they were less selfish and cowardly than they really were. After book 22, she lies to herself about the mercy of her plan to trap David in morph. And throughout the series she refuses to admit in her narration just how ruthlessly manipulative she is, even as we see evidence on the page over and over again how she uses her empathy and perceptiveness to maneuver people.

I’d like to point out here that Cassie is a notable exception among the Animorphs in that she is actually a reliable narrator about her love interest. If anything, Cassie is a more reliable narrator about Jake than he is about himself.

Jake

Like Cassie, Jake is very clear-eyed and perceptive about his team and about the war. He is able to see some things that nobody else can. He tries, most of the time, to be brutally honest with himself about the war and its effects on people, as Rachel does. But he gets unreliable when it comes to Cassie and himself.

As I said above, Jake idealizes Cassie as his moral compass. He relies on her perspective to make sure he doesn’t go off the rails and make monstrous decisions. So he can’t admit that her compass doesn’t always point true north. If he admitted that she doesn’t have any special insight into what is right or wrong, then he would have to accept just how lost the Animorphs truly are.

But Jake is the most unreliable when it comes to himself. He can’t acknowledge his weaknesses or his strengths. Throughout most of the series, Jake tries to present himself as a normal, dumb jock Everyman kid. But I would strongly argue that even in book 1, Jake is not a normal Everyman kid. He saved Tobias from bullies, which takes uncommon empathy and courage for a middle schooler. He has a passion and insight for military history. He shows real leadership qualities from the very beginning of book 1. It takes a long time for him to talk about himself as anything but a default jock boy, and even then, he thinks of himself as a completely normal boy turned child general.

And then, because of his leadership, Jake can’t show his weaknesses either. Not to the other Animorphs, and to a strong degree, not in his first-person narration. He can’t admit just how much of a weak spot his family is for him. Later in the war, he can’t tell us even in his own narration how much he’s falling apart. We just see it in his actions, not in the way he explains them. To me it is deeply tragic how Jake cannot, not even in his private narration, allow himself to be either special or human.

Tobias

Even more so than Cassie, I think Tobias has the clearest view on the broader societal issues involved in the war. He grew up under the poorest and most miserable circumstances of the Animorphs, and has the downtrodden’s sensitivity to power dynamics. He understands better than anyone how the Sharing takes advantage of people who are outside society. He understands better than anyone just how hard life is going to be for the Hork-Bajir after the war. On these matters, Tobias is both perceptive and honest.

But like Jake, Tobias can never be fully honest about himself or the girl he loves.

As I’ve discussed before, Tobias repeatedly frames Rachel’s issues with violence in terms of his own experiences as a predator. He understands that the hawk’s need to hunt is perfectly natural, and therefore Rachel’s love for the fight must also be natural and necessary. But Tobias is wrong about this. Rachel doesn’t just fight because she has to, but because she gets a terrible dark rush from it. Tobias doesn’t allow himself to see that when he talks about her in his books.

Tobias also cannot be honest with himself with his issues or how much abuse he’s suffered. He tends to downplay how badly his guardians treated him, and how bad his mental health is as a result. It takes him a long time to admit in narration (book 43) that he got trapped in hawk morph at least partly on purpose – early on he just can’t face that truth, because it speaks to just how desperate he was to escape his human life. Again, it’s really tragic how he can’t look at the scars of all the terrible things that have happened to him.

Ax

Ax is a great example of the ignorant type of unreliable narrator. Like Rachel, Ax is not much in the habit of lying to himself the way the other narrators often do. But Ax is not only oblivious, especially of humans but also when it comes to his fellow Andalites; but steeped in military propaganda, polite omissions, and outright lies.

Everyone has lied to Ax about his brother all of his life, including Elfangor himself. So it’s no wonder it takes so long for Ax to talk about him the way he really was – for the longest time, Ax didn’t know any better. Not to mention the wholesale fictions he’s been fed about the war against the Yeerks, what the Yeerks have done, what the Andalites have done, and what the Andalites’ goals are. He believes wholeheartedly in the nobility of his people – until he brutally learns over the course of the series that his people are liars, colonizers, and war criminals who have set out to destroy their enemies and become the galaxy’s police force, whether their control is wanted or no, no matter how many species they have to wipe out to do it. For the first half of the series, almost nothing Ax says about the Andalites or the Yeerks should be taken as fact.

The only thing that Ax consistently lies to himself about is just how loyal he is to his Prince and to Earth as a whole. He does so less and less as the series goes on, but I’d argue that even at the end, joining the Andalite military as a Prince and leaving Earth behind was not actually what was best for him or what he wanted in his hearts of hearts. But he was supposed to want to be back among Andalites again more than on Earth, so he convinced himself that’s what he did want.

Marco

Don’t take anything Marco says at face value. If we accept the framing narrative of the Animorphs series, that these are first-person memoirs the Animorphs are writing for posterity, Marco is definitely, deliberately lying to us.

Marco is the most concerned of all the Animorphs about posterity and how they will be remembered. As he shows in dramatic fashion in book 30, he thinks about how their actions and motivations will be perceived after the war. If his books really are his recordings for posterity, he is definitely lying to make himself seem cooler, suaver, and funnier than he is. He’s trying to make things seem more farcical and less existentially horrifying. He also wants to look like the ruthless, self-confident, cold-blooded tactician that he only sort of is.

And that’s just the stuff he’s deliberately lying to readers about. He’s also lying to himself about so many things. At the beginning, he denigrates and distances himself from Tobias because he doesn’t want to admit how similar they are. Later, he makes Jake seem like more of the dorky boy that he no longer is but Marco wishes he were. He thinks of Cassie as his opposite number, the sappy moralistic idealist, because he wants to believe that there’s some kind of counterbalance to the terrifyingly cold schemes he comes up with.

Marco is such an unreliable narrator when it comes to himself and his family. He won’t own up to how much he had to father his own father, and how much of a toll that took on his psyche. He’s able to tell us the truth that he hates being pitied, but that doesn’t make him any more honest about any of the sad things about him and his life that would make us, the readers, pity him. He lies to himself for book after book that he’s cold-blooded enough to kill his own mother, and it’s only at the moment of crisis that he finally faces the truth that he can’t. He can’t admit how much he’s willing to sacrifice for his dad until it drives him to a moment of desperation and stupidity. He wants so badly to be witty, charming, cold, distant, and empty inside, because that’s the kind of person who could survive the things he has without ever showing it.

[sapphicbookclub]

Author Spotlight - Erin Jones

Today I’m excited to spotlight Erin Jones, the author of Truth Weekend. Check out her post for some great writing tips which I’m sure you’ll find useful!

Guest Post by Erin Jones: How To Write The Gayest Story In Your Heart

Though I would not recommend 2016 to my worst enemy (okay maybe one) it’s the year I hunkered down on my writing regime and in January 2017 I published my first novella, or novelette according to the ol’ Google, Truth Weekend! With equal parts sass, gay, and angst, Truth Weekend is a novelette told in vignettes about two rival women who escape for a weekend to make a college short film under the condition of sharing every secret, insecurity, and dark thought they’ve ever had. In a tale of sexuality, destruction, and truth, Skye and Rosemary discover what happens when you expose the darkest parts of yourself.

So to usher in 2018, The Year of The Queer, I wanted to break down how to write the gayest story possible in just three easy steps. Let’s go!

STEP 1: Throw out the idea that your story has to be groundbreaking, to warrant being written

So often, marginalized groups and communities are told that the only stories of ours worth telling are of the ones that paved the way. The rule breakers, the heroes, the ones that risked their lives. I appreciate those stories and they should be treated with the utmost respect and importance, but we need more. You don’t have to tell the story of the best gay that ever lived. The weight of the entire lgbt community is not solely on you.

Think about little lesbian Linda with green hair who makes pottery in her basement and is not very good at wizarding. Her story is significant if you want it to be. Bring Linda over here with her crusty clay hands and her horrendous form when slinging that wand around. She cute.

In a nutshell, dare to be horrible. Your first draft is going to be cringey, but that is what rewriting and editing is for. Sit down today, even if it’s only for thirty minutes, and write what’s true and ugly and everything that you’ve always wanted to say. Everything you’ve been scared to think. Everything you wish you could read. Its starts here.

STEP 2: Relish in queer intimacy

Oh no, this hotel room only has one bed! Gee I guess we should share it. And cuddle. AND confess our undying love.

In this gay and age, I for one am sick of subtext and our love being portrayed as merely pornographic or something that we’ll grow out of. I know, writing is a daunting task in and of itself with built in pressures and stigmas, so adding gay characters or themes may seem like even more of an anxiety parade, but I promise you there is someone who needs to get lost in your story and grand escapism is a marvelous coping mechanism.

Here’s another writing exercise: What is gay culture? Can you describe it? Give me a few examples or moments.

Last week I was riding in the car with my friend who is also bisexual and it was so nice to just cut to the chase about our feelings as two bi women. We expressed things that we may have moderated with our friends or people who aren’t bi so we don’t enforce a stereotype, because we’re constantly afraid we’re giving people the “wrong idea” about bisexuality. Then race came up and boy howdy did I have a lot to say about being black and bisexual.

See, it’s little scenes like this that I want to see in the world. You don’t have to hit your audience over the head with it. Or you can if you want to and your whole novel could take place in Pridelandia. It’s your book, dude.

Fear is going to creep in about seven times a day during the writing process and it can’t be stopped. You just have to unabashedly write the story you have in your heart no matter how vanilla or kinky. Normalization is a powerful thing.  

Wax poetic about the adorable guy at the library with wire frame glasses and obscene hands. Write about how your character can’t tell if her crush is a lesbian or just a hipster. Have an entire internal monologue or external soliloquy at a public pool about how you can’t tell if this person is flirting with you or it’s just in your head. What about a group of gay friends that have no desire to date each other? What about collecting an lgbt rainbow in the group? Or the mysterious case of someone in the friend group coming out every six months, because without even realizing it, we all seem to clump together. Just check my friend circle. It happens!

STEP 3: Be the gay you want to see in the world

If you’ve always wanted to read a story about XYZ, then write it! When you get the courage to tell people about your awesome story, there’s going to be that ass-basket that smiles and goes “Oh so it’s basically [insert popular book or movie here].” Ignore them. It’s not like that story because no one can tell your story like you. Everything on the page goes through your filter and is colored by your life experiences.

You’re not naïve if you want to write cute fluffy stories or an ideal. Not all lgbt lit has to be gritty or sad to be “realistic” or well written. It���s beyond okay if you write characters that just happen to be gay and have conflicts and successes that have nothing to do with their sexual orientation. Write about old gays, deaf gays, gays in wonderland, gays who stick their ankles in cabinets for science.

Here’s my favorite writing exercise for getting ideas in the page: Take the time to compile a list of all the things (gay and otherwise) that you love in a story visually, emotionally, and character wise.

If someone said “hey this book has xyz,” what are the things you would throw down good money to see in one place? This list could also be themes you would like to explore like: obsession, the loss of innocence, grief, preservation of youth, loneliness, the desire to escape, self-sabotage, ect. Whatever you’re interested in delving into and ripping apart.

I’ve always had a guilty pleasure for those wild teen movies where all the girls have kool-aid dyed hair and are out of their minds: stealing their weight in booze, self-piercing their everythings, burning money, and mixing Viagra with cocaine that they’ll snort at prom. But I’ve always wondered what happened to that girl and what happened to the artistic popular chick that was always at her neck with insults that’ll stick with you for the rest of your life. Thus, Truth Weekend (the novella and now the screenplay!) became the deconstruction and exploration of these strong personalities and all the complexities of your early 20s when there’s this societal push to be wise beyond our years, but also to be the ingénue. Through this I got to delve into the paranoia driven notion that you have to achieve everything right now or else you’re an unproductive failure and if you accomplish all that you’ve worked for at a later age it’s no longer as special.

To sum it up, just go balls to the wall. Throw your metaphorical word balls to the nearest wall. Or the farthest wall. And slowly work this list into your story. If you want to see it on the shelf or on the screen you have to sit down today and write.

Those are all my tips! I hope this helped or at least made you laugh. You can check out Truth Weekend here and follow my progress in writing the screenplay adaptation on my YouTube channel where I also post sketches and other writing videos.  My writing tumblr is @erinthewriter and my regular tumblr is @feelsandmermaids.

Happy Holidays, now go write!

[veravertorp]

cerelia greengrass | twenty one | pureblood | civilian

wand: cedar, ten inches- dragon heartstring, unyielding.  boggart: fire surrounding her-- being engulfed in flames, burned alive for the witch she is and the woman she could not be. cerelia fears losing it all and on top of that the pain that comes along with it. patronus: it is a weak one, but when the young witch’s patronus takes form it is as a swan, beautiful yet vicious; poised yet poisonous. pet: n/a job: socialite/ undersecretary to the Minister of Magic. faceclaim: margaret qualley. 

                                                                history 

The duty of a daughter in a prominent wizard family is to be seen and not heard, to be poised for the battle of perfection without any indication that one might be ready to fight. Cerelia Greengrass was born to play this part. The now waif of a woman was once smaller if it can be imagined, her temper without its short flare, the days long and filled with innocence. Growing up within a family whose societal record was as pure as the blood that coursed through the veins of each of them was not lived without added stress of adhering to the status-quo. Ensuring that they stayed that way; affluent and perched high within the upper echelons of a society so secretive, filled with the duty of tradition. Their way of life was natural and it was to be preserved. Raised to be quiet and poised, Cerelia was told that as long as her behaviour was deemed desirable she was more than earning her keep. As a young girl this meant dutifully following her mother from appointments to luncheons without so much as a single peep, something Cerelia did with great zeal. She admired her mother and the way that the other women looked at her, like she was some sort of monolith of womanhood. Time waned on and with a baby sister to share her home with, Cerelia could feel tension rising between her frustrated father and a mother who seemed able to do everything but one right. Not before long, Cerelia was beginning to prepare for a new duty- something she had long but dreamed of.

Finally getting away to go to Hogwarts was at first something that seemed daunting to the young witch who was better prepared to plan dinner parties than she was to learn a whole new infrastructure of being. Magic around the Greengrass home had always seemed so natural, like life without it could simply not exist, so to finally be thrust into schooling for the very thing that was within her nature felt like a symphonic epic; harmonious and just. Cecelia quickly rose to the top of her class with the confidence of a witch well beyond her years and as her classes progressed she proved herself to live up to the exceptionality she was reared upon. When her sister joined her at school she was more than ready to welcome Selene into the new normal she had begin to adhere her identity to. School was a society all of its own and there at Hogwarts, without the watchful eyes of their parents a new society formed. Cerelia learned new things both of her magic and of herself as she began to become herself. She was bright enough to realize that being a part of cerebral conversations with the boys of her age asserted her status, but wise enough to know when to reign it in. She could often hear her mother’s backhanded praises in her mind as her wit lead her into higher and higher social circles. Her classes came easy to her, a flash of blind ambition that struck her early on in her life allowed her to collect top grades and places among prestigious clubs. Though she had very little interest in boys, she liked the feeling of them lusting after her as she began to grow into herself. The idea of being able to use herself as persuasion became an idea she was affixed to and by her sixth year she was far less concerned with babying her sister, instead focusing on how she was going to become successful in her own right. They weren’t going to be young forever after all.

Marriage had long been the only thing that mattered to her, Cerelia knew that it was the only way she was going to become the woman she was destined to- to be able to marry somebody who’s last name carried even more weight than her own. This had been the only important thing imparted onto her by her mother, a woman whose marriage was far more loyal to society than her own husband. Cerelia took this gravely serious, she did not want to live the kind of life where she had to be embarrassed of who she was and who she was surrounded with. So she flirted, innocently of course, with anybody who she deemed appropriate and it wasn’t long before she began to fall in love with the idea of a perfect marriage where she would be kept safe and in good comfort. She began to daydream incessantly about the balls she would throw, the charities she would support with luncheons and letter writing campaigns. She knew exactly the life she wanted and letting go of that idealism was not an option for her.

After graduating, Cerelia was offered a job at the Ministry of Magic as an under-secretary to the minister himself. It was something she knew she couldn’t turn down, not only was she the first Greengrass woman to work outside the home, but she was the first in their family to work directly for the minister himself. Though it was not the most ladylike of positions, it was one that began to afford her quite some influence, leading to suitors she had but dreamed of turning their eyes towards her. The power of persuasion and influence was the most attractive thing to the fiery young witch and as the world seemed to descend into chaos around her, sitting in her position gave Cerelia a peek into what it was like to be untouchable.

She had heard the ramblings for months, somebody going on about the way the world was heading, how uncertainty was rapping at their front gates. She heard the men she admired whispering about a new order, about taking control against the disruption of their society and without but a moment’s hesitation Cerelia jumped at the chance to be a part of the charge. Convincing the Dark Lord she was somebody worth trusting wasn’t entirely hard, her history spoke for itself and she was never one to go against her word. Living in the duty of his expectations, Cerelia began to thrive in a way she had never thought possible. Her dreams which were once just filled with frivolity now began to take on a new shape, the shape of leading the charge and inspiring the change in those to complacent to protect their identities. She had long been at the front of the pack and she silently began to wonder if perhaps marriage wasn’t her ultimate goal, but instead power.

                                                            personality 

+: Persuasive, Delicate, Ambitious

 -: Conniving, Self-Serving, Stubborn  

                                                       relationships 

selene greengrass // her sister but they haven’t gotten along as of lately. cerelia doesn’t know what it is. selene is so hard to reach at times. cerelia wants to have a good sisterly bond with her, but selene is making that quite difficult. clara pomfrey, priscilla yaxley & estelle bulstrode // the four pureblood elite women are at times very different and at others shockingly alike. they’ve been close since they were fairly young and somewhat pushed together by their family’s social circles. lucius malfoy // she’s always found him so charming and attractive. he fancies her and she feels the same way. they’ve had a fling here and there, and yet she can’t help but continue to want him. it’s too bad he’s engaged to narcissa. greta catchlove // cerelia can’t stand the optimistic dimwit. she couldn’t stand her while they were in school and cerelia still can’t stand her outside of hogwarts. it’s even worse now that she’s on that stupid radio show.

CERELIA GREENGRASS is unfortunately TAKEN!