#I thought this was the I love being covered in blood website

[thenewausten]

Hi!! How are you? ^^ i really like your account, i love getting a notification for each post‼️

Imagine having a big argument with Quackity because he's not giving much attention to Y/N due to work ?

Hii! I'm fine! Ty <3 Thanks for the request!

Quackity Imagine: One more chance.

When you and Alex started dating, in 2021, you thought you'd last. You were wrong. Extremely wrong.

Alex was full of energy, passion and love. He was young and brave, smart and creative, so handsome you'd feel you wanted to die sometimes. But still, he wasn't perfect. Of course, he's a human being, he's not perfect and will never be.

But you didn't want perfection, you weren't perfect aswell. You just wanted a boyfriend that'd understand you, being by your side no matter what.

Alex wasn't that person to you. You couldn't take it anymore. You lost count of how many times you both fought about it. About him doesn't giving you the support you needed.

"Y/N? What are you doing here?!" Alex asks as he sees your face. It's raining, you didn't have an umbrella, you're soaked, cold, shaking and angry. "I told you I was coming, Alexis. I asked you to pick me up."

"I'm sorry, amor. I didn't see the messages." He says as you get into his apartment. "I was streaming with Cellbit and Roier, we were..."

"Alexis, I want to break up." You cut him off. "I don't care what you were doing."

"What do you mean, Y/N?" He asks, confusion and worry passing through his face at the same time."You're not being a good boyfriend to me, 'Lex. You're making me sick."

"What did I do?"

"Do I need to repeat it again?! You're not supporting me, you're not listening to me, you're not being... I need you sometimes and you just... Don't care." You vent, feeling all the anger, sadness and resentment you've been feeling for months. Stronger now.

"Of course I care, baby. I know I've been working so much, but I care about you." He defends himself from your accusations, you sigh, tired of having to explain the basics for the man in front of you.

"You're putting your work over me! You're always talking about QSMP, you're always working on QSMP, you're giving all your fucking attention to this project!"

"Because it's important to me, Y/N!" He raises his voice a little."Don't you dare, Alexis, to raise your 'fuckin voice to me right now." You respond, angrily. "You're such a selfish!"

"No, I'm not. You're the one being selfish here, Y/N." He approaches you as you laugh, not believing what he just said. "This project is my life, I'm giving my blood, sweat and tears for it."

"And you're losing me in the process." Your heart hurts so much as you say it. Because it's true, because it's hard to believe your relationship with Alex was ending. Man, what a 'fuckin situation. "I'm not a selfish person, I don't accept you saying that of me." Tears wet your cheeks as you look at the boy in front of you. "I passed at the University. The notes were published on the website yesterday, you didn't even asked me about it." You whisper, watching regret passing through your boyfriend's face. "Shit." He whispers as he closes his eyes. "I'm sorry, mi amor."

"It doesn't matter anymore. I just need to pack my things so I can leave." You tried to control your crying, but at this point, it was almost impossible. "No, it's raining. I won't let you leave with this rain. Please, let's talk, baby. I promise you I'll..."

"I'm tired of your promises, Alexis." You cut him off and watch his face turn into to pure sadness. Man, his heart is broken. You watch him sits on the sofa and starts to cry, covering his face with his hands as he starts to sob. His shoulders shaking in the process. Your heart is in pieces now. There's nothing in your chest anymore as you see the boy you loved so much in tears like this. "It's okay, 'Lex."

You approach him, putting one hand in his back, consoling him. "It's okay." You wipe your own tears as his hands hugs your waist, so tight, like he doesn't want to let you go. "I'm so sorry, Y/N." He whispers. "It's okay. I don't want it to finish in a bad way. I still love you, Alex. I'll always do."

"Don't say that, please." He asks, looking at you with red and tearing eyes, the eyes you loved so much. "I don't want to lose you, Y/N." He whispers. "I love you so much."

"I know, baby." Alex puts you on his laps."Alexis..." He holds your face with his both hands."Please, amor. Give me one more chance. Just one. I promise you I'll change." He says it, looking into your eyes. "I'm sorry, amor. Eres mi vida. I'd never trade you for a Minecraft server." He whispers, you can feel his desperation in his voice."You already did it." You whisper, so gently."I don't want to lose you. What's the meaning of all my success if I don't have you by my side?"

"I don't know." You whisper."You're making me feel so alone, 'Lex. Yesterday was about me and where were you? My success isn't important as yours?"

"Of course it's, amor. I'm such an idiot. I'm so sorry about yesterday."

"It hurts so bad to be far away from my family, but it hurts more the fact my boyfriend doesn't seem to care about me anymore." Your heart clench with sadness as he wipes your tears.

"I care, Y/N." He whispers."I'm sorry I'm being so negligent with you." He says. "Just give me one more chance, amor. Please, just one more." He begs, looking into your eyes."I'll change, baby. Please." You feel his pain in his words so you hold his face with your both hands."You promise me?" You ask."I do, amor." He answers, looking into your eyes.

"Okay."

"Thank you, my love. I'm so sorry. Forgive me, please?" He whispers as he hugs you tight, kissing your neck. "I do, 'Lex. It's okay." You whisper. "No, it's not. I'm so sorry. I love you so much, Y/N. I promise you won't regret it." He says, looking at your face. "I love you too, 'Lex. I know I won't." You give him a peck on the lips and he smiles. "Let's take a hot bath, corazón." Your boyfriend asks as he starts to get up with you on his lap. "Sure."

Quackity washed your hair, made you a hot tea and gave you some of his clothes to wear, you two went to bed to cuddle and discuss about what needed to be changed in your relationship. He understood your feelings, needs and thoughts and you understood his. He promised he'd stop putting his work in priority, recognising you, Y/N, was the love of his life and his life, not his project, it doesn't matter how much he loved it. He also promised he'd listen to you more, not being a dumbass selfish (his words).

You knew he'd change. You felt it. You felt how much he loved you, he was just so focused on work he wasn't showing it. He was suffering so much pressure from the public, he just... Wanted to give to people something they'd love. He never stopped loving you. He'll never do.

By the end of the night, you felt so much better, you were glad you gave your man one more chance. ❤️

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy the writing! :)

Requests are open!

[lostlovesoul11]

[MILF HUNTER]

Pairing: Haechan X Reader

Warnings: Smut, oneshot, milf reader, use of mistress, age difference(legal), very switch energy, sexting, tension, flirty, oral receiving (m/f), humiliation, praise, dirty talk, sex toy, solo masturbations, degradation, fucking, neighbour, darcphilla, orgasm denial, breeding, squirting.

Word count: 7k

18+ only no minors!

meant to be posted last month but whatever.

Summary: what happens when the local milf online lives in your neighbourhood?

Did you know, women in their 30's are the horniest... they fuck like no other," Jaemin licks his lip as he reads through the article on his phone.

"Yeah their libido increases as they age, something to do with their hormones levels." Renjun adds further, "They call it the women sexual prime time."

Haechan immediately perks his ears up upon this information, eyes fixed ahead at his two friends giving him new information he's never heard of.

"Which basically means I should find a milf right now." Haechan shoots out with a smirk. He's unapologetically himself.

"Oh god," Renjun replies.

"Can't say I didn't expect it," Jaemin responds back at his friend with a chuckle.

After a conversation with his friends, Haechan surely had to test it out for himself. He just can't stop thinking, thinking of how eager and horny women could get. Was it true? Thoughts appearing in his dazzled mind.

He gets his laptop from the table, taking it right to the bed with him. Leaning back in a comfortable position, he opens up his search engine. Typing away to find websites and scrollin down before he comes across one specific site.

www.hotmilfsinyourarea.com

Interesting he thought, as his brow raised up in curiosity. One thing about Haechan was he had many tastes in people. He's pretty open minded to newer things, new experiences.

Fingers almost rushing to click on the said link, opening up a whole new different world. Haechan scrolls through the variety of Milfs that are designated on the site, waiting to be approached. Fuck there's so many options, he thought. Scrolling away before his mind stops, his eyes squinting as he focuses on a particular name, AngelMilf00.

The image was a cropped body shot in a dress that hugged both breasts well. Easily a size DD. This piqued Haechan's interest for sure, after all he loves himself some milkers.

He began to read through the bio about Angel clicking at every image that was possibly posted. One thing he loved was how immaculate the lighting was. Really emphasising on those voluminous large breasts. There was body shots against a white wall, back arched as her perky ass was on display. The white wall brings more attention to the features. However her face was still hidden. That was still a mystery. But for now Haechan's cock is growing through his pants, expediting.

His cock already aching for some action. Those images of Angel sent an immediate blood rush to him. Imagining her being bent over and ass being covered in redness, fuck. His hand pressing down his bulge, letting out a tiny groan before removing his pants and boxers, exposing his hardened cock.

Hand gripping on his cock when he begins to stroke upwards and down, he lays slightly back. With his other hand he types up a quick message.

Hyuck66: hey, quick question. those milkers a size DD? he asked.

AngelMilf00: hi! oh wow you're actually correct. She responded.

Hyuck66: I guess you can say I know my things well, especially my favourites, he replied.

AngelMilf00: definitely. I'm guessing your also into milfs with big tits? She asked.

Hyuck66: i mean, fuck yeah. I don't discriminate. I love me all kinds of women, you know.

AngelMilf00: nice. So tell me, can a young guy like you keep up all night? Use that cock well enough?

Hyuck66: I'd keep you begging for more, hun.

AngelMilf00: I like the confidence.

*sends incoming tit pic*

AngelMilf00: gonna touch your cock for me?

Haechan doesn't need to be told that twice. Sexually frustated as ever since he got home. His cock already grew larger while scrolling to your images on the site. Except this time, the image sent was not online. It was sent specifically for him.

She has her tongue darted to the side as a cheeky grin is across her hidden face, breasts begging for air. Wondering how many cocks have cummed all over them, fucked them in between. He noticed Angel had a birth mark on the right side of her tit. Hot. Imagine giving her hickies all over that body... fuck.

"Wanna feel those cock sucking lips so badly...." he murmurs to himself. Speeding up his pace, sweat rolling down his forehead as he approaches his end.

AngelMilf00: enjoy the mini. I gotta go now, don't miss me too much.

And just like that she left. The poor boy hissed, palming his cock and stroking furiously until his hands covered in the wet coat.

------------------------‐---------------------

"What you up to mom?" Haechan asks entering the kitchen, trying to find himself some snacks to indulge in.

His mom looks up as she puts the remaining food in the basket. "Oh this is for our lovely neighbour who recently moved in. Thought it'll be a nice welcome gift. Would you like to come with me to give this?"

Haechan opened up some sweets as he put some in his mouth, "i can't Jaemin texted me earlier to come over at his place." He replies, not really interested in seeing who the neighbour is.

"That's okay, maybe next time then. Oh and invite Jaemin over for dinner, don't forget!" She responds, watching Haechan walk out of the kitchen.

"Will do mom."

Bro remember that girl I told you about last week?" Jaemin sighs, rubbing his temples from how frustrated he is because of her.

"Ah yeah she's hot but crazy," Haechan responds, fingers on the controller as he continues to play the game on screen.

"She's too annoying."

Haechan continues playing until he won the game, stretching himself as he leaned back, "Block her, you know what, I'll even give you that chicks number I got from last week."

Jaemin brings out his phone at the suggestion and hits the block button. Grinning at Haechan for his kind offering. "You really something else. Got all the girls hooked fr," he laughs.

A small smirk forming from his mouth, Haechan responds, "what can I say, I'm a ladies man after all.

"So what happened with your milf search?" Jaemin asked.

"Shit, I forgot to tell you. I actually spoke to one online. Her names Angel, she got me acting crazy.."

"What, no fucking way!"

"Yeah, i know right. I might ask her to meet up sometime. She seems to know what's good."

"Well that was quick,"

"Not quicker than you busting in that one chick you had sex with last month!"

"HAECHANNNNN-"

-

Jaemin didn't live too far from Haechan, so they both walked back on the streets as they closely approach Haechan's house.

As they both walked, Jaemin saw Haechan's mom standing nearby as she spoke with someone. Unable to see clearly, they walked more, until...

"Yo, Haechan isn't that your mom over there?" Jaemin stops at his tracks causing Haechan to stop also.

"Yeah, I think some new neighbour moved in recently so she went over there." He shrugged, walking ahead of Jaemin.

Jaemin catches up to Haechan as he walked, "imagine if that neighbour is hot though," causing Haechan to snort.

"Yeah right. Probably an old fart as usual."

He wasn't really focusing on who and where the neighbour was, clearly uninterested on what's going on. But Jaemin stopped almost immediately, perplexed at the sight ahead.

"Uh, I don't think so..." Jaemin utters slowly causing Haechan to look at the shock on his face.

Haechan turns to his left before he speaks up, "What you mean-"

Shocked. Bamboozled. This can't be real for sure. How is a person like you even here? Better yet, the new neighbour! There's never particularly anyone remotely attractive that lives around here in Haechan's mind, however you, you're different.

You was smiling away as you spoke, The way the wind blew against your hair, pushing it back to only expose those gorgeous large breasts. That shirt did not help at all for Haechan's imagination, almost getting squeezed by both breasts wishing he was between those. The way those jeans fitted right against your body, emphazing on the perky full butt you have.

Haechan can almost feel his cock throb, damn. One thing about Haechan was he can get whoever he wanted. Girls would beg for his attention, fall for him all the time. In his mind, he knew he wanted you as soon as he laid eyes. But will you also fall for this charmingly confident boy too?

"Dude.. she's so fucking hot," Jaemin uttered, almost shocked how a person like you are even living here. "That's a total milf right there, how do you get so lucky.."

Haechan smirked, scanning you all over, "Shit, I'll tap that..."

Once dinner was over and Jaemin left, Haechan could finally fix his issue from earlier, thanks to his lovely neighbour.

He scrolled back on to the website, remembering the last time he spoke with a milf, except she ended the chat rather fast. This time he needed to release, he needed more.

Hyuck66: hey

AngelMilf00: hey there, missed me?

Hyuck66: of course, you left me hanging before.

He's right. Angel abruptly ended the conversation whilst he wanted to go further, that did annoy him slightly. Normally women throw themselves at him, never once has anyone left him hanging except Angel.

AngelMilf00: well, I was busy in my personal life. And I thought a guy like you needed to be tamed a lil.

Hyuck66: guy like me?

Haechan wonders what impression Angel has of him.

AngelMilf00: well, you're pretty confident for a young guy.

Hyuck66: does that intimidate you?

One thing about him is he's very confident, which majority of people love. So he's curious to know what Angel thinks. Is he too straight forward? Is that what she likes? Or not?

AngelMilf00: oh, no, of course not. I'm just not used to it, normally guys want to be dominated.

Hyuck66: who said I can't be both?

It's true, he can be both ways. Something about Angel he wants to dominate so badly yet be submissive towards.

AngelMilf00: how many times did you cum the last time we spoke?

Hyuck66: like, a total of 5 times.

Angel didn't say anything else about that. However, the image that was sent by her, Haechan has used for his wank material for hours.

AngelMilf00: all that cum for me?

Hyuck66: i have so much, I'd shower you with all my cum if I could. Make sure every hole sucks my cum right in.

He ain't lying, the amount of times he cummed because of that one image of Angel's breasts, having to change his sheets because of how much his load was falling.

AngelMilf00: such a good boy, always making sure your mistress owns your cum, right?

Hyuck66: yes

AngelMilf00: yes what?

Hyuck66: yes mistress

This is new for Haechan but hearing this just makes him want to be submissve and do exactly what she expects. He bites his lips hearing how much of a good boy he is. He loves praise. Ha.

AngelMilf00: then why the fuck of are you stroking your cock right now? You think im stupid?

Hyuck66: fuck I'm sorry

Shit he gasped. Angel knew him well enough to know its exactly what he's doing. He's stroking his cock right now.

AngelMilf00: are you really sorry?

Hyuck66: yes.. mistress.

AngelMilf00: then don't you dare touch your cock right now.

Haechan groaned. Hes so turned on and his cock is twitching for more touch. It excites him yet frustrates.

Hyuck66: okay, mistress.

AngelMilf00: tell me what you think of doing with me. Want to stretch my cunt out? Can your small cock even do that?

Hyuck66: i keep thinking how pretty your cunt is, more so whilst my cock slides inside. I can't stop thinking how your tight cunt swallows my whole cock in.

AngelMilf00: i can fit my whole fist up my cunt, think your cock can beat it?

Hyuck66: I'd like to think so, mistress

AngelMilf00: slap your cock right now.

Haechan swallows before his hands were raised as he gave a tight slap, causing a stinging pain almost immediate, hissing to himself.

AngelMilf00: is it red?

This just causes him to get even turned on, being denied to touch himself yet he can slap his cock.

Hyuck66: slightly

AngelMilf00: keep slapping it until it gone red

Hyuck66: h-hurts...

AngelMilf00: good. It's what you get for thinking your useless cock is even good enough for me to use. Pathetic.

Blood rushes to his sore cock, veins pertruding out hardening as each second passes. He can't hold himself much longer. He's so whiny and it hurts, he just keeps moving his hips as he lifts them up, imagining fucking Angel's tight cunt.

Hyuck66: fuck

Hyuck66: can I please cum??

Hyuck66: can i use a toy..

AngelMilf00: what kind of toy?

Hyuck66: its a... artifical vagina..

AngelMilf00: what a desperate little bitch. I bet you even made holes in your wall just for that small cock to get action.

Hyuck66: i don't deserve you but can i please use it???

AngelMilf00: God you're the biggest loser ever. Hands not enough for you?

AngelMilf00: how long have you been using it for?

Hyuck66: it's not enough. I'm such a loser it only feels good when I'm inside a hole..

Hyuck66: i wish I could fuck your hole mistress

Hyuck66: I got it a few years ago... I don't use it much now but I'm so fucking horny I need to fuck a cunt badly

Hyuck66: Please mistress 🥺

AngelMilf00: Take a video of yourself fucking into it and send it straight to me

Hyuck66: thank u so much Mistress

Fuckkk.. he bite down his lip, enough to cause a bleed. The humiliation of his old little secrets just makes him grow harder. Impossible for him to even finish himself off with stroking. It's not enough, sweat running down his worn out state. He needs a cunt, a cunt to fuck all the way in and burst his load.

He places his phone at the perfect angle, making sure his lower body parts are all shown.

Haechan rushes up with his sensitive cock, desperate for any kind of touch. He's had people to fuck all the time But for now he has no one, having to improvise.

Getting up towards his drawer, managing to find a toy he's kept well hidden. A time were he was so desperate (down bad) he ordered an artificial vagina just to feel his cock in something tight, sucking him all the way in. What a fucking loser.

He hits the button Record and begins.

He puts it in place. Fingers wetting itself in his saliva before he shoves them inside the artifical pussy. Precum already fell below, making it extra wet for access. Bringing hips forward, pushing his hands on the toy when he makes an entry.

"Fuck mistress..."  he gasps while his remaining inches push through. He feels like he's in heaven right now, being allowed to feel pleasure after being restricted. Although not being  Angel itself, his thoughts can't contain themselves, betting this is how good being inside Angel would feel like.

"Your cunt feels so good... ah..." Closing his eyes as he sways his hips forward, this time increasing his speed. He grunts hard, cock twitching wishing it was Angel.

He whines ever so loudly, his balls are hurting as they smack against the toy. Over extering his power by leaning ahead further, trying to fuck himself quickly as he aches.

"You're so nice to me Mistress," he grunts, speeding his pace like he's fighting for his life. Body covered in full sweat. "Letting me fuck a hole with my useless cock," continuing fucking into the hole savagely.

He's so fucking desperate to cum, his body is bolting into a shock. Cries are coming out of his mouth unable to control himself any longer. He's so ready to burst his load.

"Fuck," he cries out loud biting his lower lip. God he sounds heavenly even when he cries. You can only imagine how beautiful he looks with tears.

"Mmh, c-cumming, c-cumming Mistress..." he bit so hard into the pillow ahead of him, twitching all over once he released his hot cum. Even after he let out his cum inside the toy, he still pushes his cock inside of it. Not being able to get enough of the feeling. Forrcing his cum to stay put as he imagines watching it inside of his Mistress's pretty cunt.

Hyuck66: *sent a video*

Hyuck66: god, that was the best release I've ever had

Hyuck66: my cock still hurts

Hyuck66: i wish it was your cunt instead

Hyuck66: I've never had someone do this to me.. i really liked it Angel

AngelMilf00: I'm glad I got that side out of you baby boy

AngelMilf00: you did so well for me

Haechan felt so exhausted, after having to use his all energy just to release. He never thought feeling humiliation would feel this good. And boy did he love the praise afterwards, grinning hard at the message sent by Angel. Hes so happy she's pleased.

Hyuck66: thanks angel

Hyuck66: i gotta go now

Hyuck66: hopefully we'd speak soon

That was the last message he sent. Weared out by the activity, rushing to the bathroom for a quick shower.

----------------------------------------------------

Holding your grocery bags all at once was probably not the smartest thing to do, causing struggle as you lost grip of them. Great, you thought.

Just as you're trying to grab a hold on a few bags, you see unfamiliar footsteps approaching right towards your direction.

"Need help?" A sweet voice was raised, causing you to lift your head up. It didn't help that the scorching sun was out today, hitting your eyes having to squint at who was in front.

A tall man came in to your peripheral. Legs for days, wearing mid length shorts exposing his thickly thighs. Eyes scanning towards his upper body, straight to his face. His face was illuminating beneath the sun, accentuating his beautiful features. He was a very handsome guy, you thought.

"Sorry, Yes I'd be glad if you could help," You laughed, shaking off your thoughts feeling ever so awkward. Which idiot even picks up this many bags at once? You sighed.

Just as he leaned down, his gaze almost met with yours. You don't know why you felt awkward, eyes looking at everything except him. Feeling shy out of nowhere. Continuing to pick up the remaining bags, until he his hand stopped you.

"It's fine I can hold them for you," bringing his hands forward to take the bags away from you, "I have muscles for a reason," He joked.

You didn't even realise your eyes lingering on his arms as he grabbed most of the groceries. He certainly looks like he goes gym often, you ponder. You managed to break your thoughts and walked over, finding the keys in your purse to open the front door.

You opened your door as you walked inside your home, the boy behind with all of your groceries.

"You can put them on the counter," you spoke out, watching him carry all your groceries putting them directly on it.

"By the way, what's your name?" You questioned.

"I'm Haechan," the cute boy spoke.

"Well thanks Haechan for helping me pick these up." Returning a warm smile.

"My pleasure, a beautiful woman like you shouldn't be carrying heavy things," Flirting right at you.

Beautiful.

It's been days since you've thought of gifting Mrs Lee sonething.

You've been in your kitchen preparing some brownies to offer Mrs Lee for being so sweet and welcoming since you moved in. A kind gesture from your side to return back.

Finally managing to finish them, putting them inside a container. You grabbed hold of it and started walking out of your house straight to Mrs Lee's home.

You reached her porch and knocked on her door a few times, waiting patiently. Figuring she wasn't home since no one opened the door, you decided to walk back, until a door opened.

Haechan smiled widely at the sight ahead, "Well hello there," Leaning on to his door with his messy bed hair, looking attractive as ever.

"Hey," you spoke until you realised who's at the door, "H-Haechan?" You had no idea Haechan was living right next door to your house, neither do you have a recollection of him saying he's Mrs Lee's son. It felt weird but yet a part of you liked to see him once again.

"Ah you're probably surprised, I actually live here," Hand brushing over his soft hair, realising he forgot to mention how he lives right next door to you. "But I'm happy to see your pretty self again," He flirts, leaning against his door with his arms crossed, watching you with a sly smirk.

Feeling flustered hearing him complimenting you once again, fuck. You look down and remember the reason you came here for.

"Actually I wanted to bring these," handing over the container to him, "For Mrs Lee and you." Although they were initially for Mrs Lee, however that's changed now.

"Mrs Lee has been very sweet so I thought i would return her a gesture," you smiled. Handing the box of brownies you made.

Haechan got his hands forward as he reaches for the container, "Oh thanks, made these yourself?"

"Yeah," you replied.

"Then I'm definitely having a taste," licking his lips as he tilt his head to the side, eyes shooting up to you, "Wanna come in?"

You didn't expect Haechan to invite you inside although you knew Mrs Lee, you haven't ever visited inside. It's okay you thought, it's just your neighbour right?

"Uh.. o-okay then," you smiled as you walked in to the house.

"You have a really nice house by the way," you say, as your eyes travel to every part of the home. It was well maintained and clean, hearing some background tv noise playing on inside. You kept strolling around the place.

Your eyes perk up to a portrait of Haechan and his mom. You see where the looks come from, he's undeniably beautiful. You shift your eyes back to him, "Is it just you two in your family?" You asked hesitantly, maybe it wasn't your business but you felt curious to know more.

Haechan walks by your side as you stand there, eyes glued on the image ahead. "Yeah it's just me and my mom," He adds, "It's cool though, I have a lot of cousins and friends living near me, so I don't feel anything less."

You didn't want to further ask any questions since it's not really your business. But having Mrs Lee as his mother, she seems to play both roles fairly well. It must be nice to have people around you, you thought.

"Why did you move here?" Haechan asked, curiousity of what a person like you are doing here. You don't seem to have anyone you live with or any family. He wonders.

Breaking out of thought, you responded, "For a fresh start I guess." You chuckled slightly.

"Bad relationship?" He questioned, surprising you how he guessed that immediately.

"Yeah, my ex wasn't the best after all. Cheated on me with some younger girl," you spat. Haechan's eyebrows raised in quickness at the allegation. Its surprising to him, you're drop dead gorgeous. Clearly that man must have been on some form of crack.

"Ouch," trying to sympathise. "That must have hurt."

"Mm," you breathed out. Not really wanting to get in to the details of how it truly made you feel. You're way over that stage of life now.

Having no idea that Haechan's eyes were glued on to you throughout the whole conversation.

"It must be lonely for you not having someone around," Sounding like he wishes he could change that for you.

You shrugged, "it can be sometimes but I'm okay with it."

"It's a shame," he cooed. Almost like he's making fun of your phlight which made you furrow your brows.

"And why is that?" You spoke, well yes it was a shame what happened but you cant change the past. Frankly you give no shit about what happened.

He looks straight ahead as you both stand, "Whoever that guy is was a fool. Real men now better." Its hilarious how someone like Haechan says these things, he's a young guy after all. What does he know?

Your face turns to the side where he stands straight, eyes fixated on him as you speak, "Know what?" You don't know why you even thought its wise to ask that from someone like him. Maybe you wanted a start, a start of something...

He tilts his head as he looks straight at your curious state, gaze almost turning darkly, leaning in as his finger pushed back the hair fell across your face, tucking it behind your ear gently. "That woman like you deserve to be fucked, fed and bred."

You froze. Hands tugging onto your clothes hearing the lewd words coming from Haechan's mouth. Mouth slightly opening feeling like the air has been pulled out of you. It was dangerous to ask him such a thing, what did you expect from a overly flirtatious young guy?

You'd be lying if you didn't get some thoughts, imagining how it'll be like to get bred... fucked... No! No! This is wrong. He's Mrs Lee's son. How on earth would she react knowing you think of her son in such ways. But you can't fight the tension that's been lingering since the very first meeting. He's youthful, handsome and so cocky.

You swallow hard before you could even speak, even his touch is driving you insane. "I... I h-have a delivery coming soon.. I should leave now," Trying to think of mere excuses just so you can get out of this situation. The longer you remain here the more your thighs squeeze harder, hoping Haechan doesn't notice what is bundling beneath.

Haechan smiled, "Of course. It was nice speaking to you. I hope to see you soon."

You hate how normal he acts while you become a whole mess infront of him.

Running isn't your forte but god, did you run for your life right there. Finally entering your house as you slammed your door, your back pressed against the cold. What the hell was that? Unable to even make sense of what just actually occurred. Did he just imply that towards you?

Closing your eyes shut as you bite down your lip, wondering how he would fuck. The type that pounds you straight to your next life. Absolutely relentless. You bet he knows exactly what a woman wants. Has he fucked a lot of girls? Has he been with someone older? The way he carries himself shows a sense of pride of knowing everything, such a cocky shit.

Can he handle you? Does he know the very nice neighbour of his holds a quiet secret? The secret how your the complete opposite of you show yourself to be. No one knows why you moved away, except Haechan now. But what he doesn't know is how you dealt with the cheating. Extremely hurt and questioning your self worth. Feeling like you was never good enough.

That was until you came across a part time role doing some online chatting on some sex app. All you had to do was talk and send pictures to a bunch of men online, young or old and fulfill their fantasies on some site.

It helped tremendously, boosting your confidence and feeling extremely desired. You felt wanted and sexy for once. Even met up with a couple who you explored yourself with, discovering a side of yourself you never even knew existed.

You walked over your room, going through your draw picking up one of your favourite vibrators. Maybe you can't fuck Haechan, but you can fuck yourself over his thoughts right?

That's when you got rid of each clothing and threw them on the floor. Spreading your legs only to find a strong aroma hitting your nose, your dripping so fucking badly.

Pressing the level to the highest setting, holding it closely to your clit as it vibrates all around it. Wandering how Haechan would eat your cunt, swirl that tongue of his he always let's out while he licks his lips. The type who forces his face inside your thighs and suffocates. He keeps begging for more, wanting to savour every fluid that comes out of your body..

"O-omg... H-Haechan...." hands touching your entire body wishing it was his, this time it didn't take long to cum. Already being a complete mess.

Your gasping for air, riding out the extreme orgasm thay jolts over your body. Legs trembling as the feeling is washing all over you.

----------------------------------------------------

This aint enough for you having to constantly fuck yourself over him. Its been days. You think maybe finding someone and just fucking the tension with them will solve this lingering issue, right?

You managed to scoop a date online from one of your dating apps, you was always a regular on it until you felt bored. You just need a good fuck that is all, expecting nothing else. That's when you came across Joshua. A well spoken guy who is extremely attractive and has a great personality.

He instantly wanted to see you once you both spoke away, meshing really well together. You gave him the time and address to pick you up, as he really wanted to take you out for a date. And why not? After all it's a great distraction from Haechan, fucking on another dick.

He wanted to see you later in the evening time, leaving you only a few hours to get ready. You showered and dried up, applying your lotion around your entire body. Even massaging your breasts whilst your at it, getting them plumped up. Once your done, you start looking through your closet until your eyes fell on a dress. Opting for a tight hugging dress, emphasising on to your beautiful curves.

You kept looking directly at the mirror, in awe how godly you looked right now. Waist snatched, dress complimenting each body part. Getting just in time ready, quickly applying your favourite perfume all over yourself. Applying lipstick just before you leave the house. You knew you looked good tonight.

Joshua parked outside your house, sending a message of his arrival. Your face lit up once you saw the text and begun to walk over your door. Finally. A part of you was nervous, what if Haechan was outside? What would he think? But you brushed those anxious thoughts off.

You walked out of your porch, until you heard someone call you. Please don't be Haechan...

"____ you look beautiful!" Mrs Lee spoke, eyes gazing your entire body before looking back up, "what's the occasion? A date?" She raised a brow.

You let out a slight giggle, thanking God it was someone else who called. "Thank you Mrs Lee. Yes, I'm going on a date."

"Oh he's going to be mesmerised once he lays his eyes on you, I hope you enjoy your date."

"Thank you," you smiled politely. If only she knew the reason why you're going on this so called date is to fuck your frustration over her son.

---------------------------------------------------

You arrived home not long ago. You had a great time over all, Joshua took you out for a nice meal which he paid for then you both had some car sex. He was a great fuck, you loved every second of it. However, you still feel this ache between your legs. Your mind yet again going back on to the flirty young neighbour of yours.

Wondering if it was Haechan fucking you instead... Nope. Not again. Head already hurting just be the thoughts of it. It'll probably never happen, or is it you just don't want it to happen?

That was until you hear your door bell ring. Who the hell would it be during this time? Walking up until you opened the door, eyes widening in surprise to see who is standing at the door, Haechan. The same person you've been wanting to avoid the whole time coming at the possible worse timing ever. It's like he just read your thoughts, feeling completely suffocated in his presence.

"Woah... you look gorgeous."

The first thing he uttered, only to cause your cheeks to fluster at the said compliment. It happened every time, whenever you came across Haechan he always managed to make your cheeks flared, hotness emitting from it. But he always had something to say and like usual he complimented. Not thinking to highly of it.

"That dress hugs your figure really well. I like it on you." His eyes linger down longer, Another compliment yet again. You had to make sure he was alone, you looked over him to see if there's a sign of anyone else there but it was full of silence.

"Thanks Haechan," you shyly responded being infront of his dark gaze. Before you could say anything else he spoke up.

"Can i come in? I wanted to talk to you."

"Sure," you said, walking letting enter as you close the door from behind. You walk towards him in the living room as he stands.

''So what did you want to speak about?"

"How was your date?" He shooted right away, curiosity in his mind. How did he even know?

"How did you know I went on a date?"

"Ah, my mom mentioned it earlier, said you looked stunning, which I don't doubt," Licking his lips as he gazes down your body.

"Ah it was fine..." you spoke as you looked down. You didn't want him to be here right now. Feeling the ache between your legs hitting you more. As much as you wanted him, you know how to separate your job between real life, which is why you always tried to avoid him whenever you came across. Which is why you fucked Joshua 2 hours ago.

"Your date got really lucky", if you was mine this entire outfit would be ripped off as soon as I laid eyes on you." Somehow he boldness coming from his words like never before. Was he drunk or something?

"Haechan, stop. This is really inappropriate of you." You snapped back.

"Oh fuck sakes. He sighed annoyed. You should know by now what I think of you. The filthy thoughts i have of you in my mind..."

"I think you should leave."

"I don't think you want me too," He smirks walking over to you. Your mind puzzled with thoughts, not realising your going down towards the kitchen counter as you hit behind it. His hand one the cold surface locking you in. "Think I haven't catched you staring at me all the time?"

He leaned in so close to your ears, with a small whisper, "Think I didn't notice the way you squeezed your thighs together that day _____?

"Nonsense," you spit.

"What's nonsense is how bad you want me to the point you had to go on a date with another guy just to fuck. Bet you thought of me when he fucked you huh, wishing it was me. Even playing with that wet cunt of yours, I know you think of me too..."

"S-stop..." you plead. Shutting your eyes to avoid eye contact. Feeling like he'd see you falter and the act of how you truly feel will come out.

"Why stop when it's only right? When we both want this? When it feels so good..." whispering into your ears

He was right. Suprised to hear the truth behind his words. You've been gawking at him ever since, lewd thoughts consuming your mind throughout the day. Fingering yourself for nights.

His knee comes between your legs as he spreads them open, watching how you slowly grind over them desperately, "You love this."

"What do you want Haechan?" Looking straight ahead watching how he leans in even closer to proxmity.

"You know what I want," the boy utters a whisper besides your neck leaving a cold sensation, causing a shock to your body that you aren't used to.

"But I can't.." you desperately sigh. Closing your eyes wide shut. The placement of his lips felt so good yet you just couldn't, it was wrong. What would happen if his sweet mom found out?

"You didn't say that during our conversations, AngelMilf00..." he snickered, feeling a smile above your skin he laid his lips on.

"W-what....." you barely managed to utter out being in a state of confusion, eyes opening wide at the shocking statement. A million questions surrounding your mind. Puzzled by his words. How does Haechan know your AngelMilf00? Who told him? How did he know you use that website? How did he find out?

"H-how do you k-know about that...?" You asked nervously, still in utter shock.

"So... wait, you're... Hyuck..."

"66," he finishes.

"Believe me I was shocked myself too. I thought i was being delusional but you have the exact same birth mark on your chest," He points his finger directly on to it. God even his touch fucking feels electrifying.

"I remembered seeing you before and I noticed that mark. But for some reason I couldn't shake it off, the more I saw the picture you sent me, the more I was convinced it's you."

"Mistress.."

Hearing him call you that sent a shock to your body, your cunt barely surviving as its heart beat increases. Fuck. His sweet voice calling you, the times when he was being such an obedient boy. It was him all along.

You gulped hard as you heard him talk. How something so small can expose everything. It's quite ridiculous to even say that allegation, but it was right in your case. It was you after all.

"So thanks to your beautiful birth mark on my favourite set of tits", Eyes flicking down with his fingers wandering down to your breasts, I just knew right away. So tell me sweetheart, Am I right?"

You never would have guessed Haechan would be one of the people you speak with. Still shocked, how that very person you had admired lived right close to you. All them nights of speaking, fucking on your fingers in thoughts of him, wanting him to put you in your place as much as you wanted to do him. And here he is, the man himself.

"F-fuck.." you slowly muttered, breath getting hitched up before speaking up, "Y-you're right Haechan."

Haechan chuckled, doing that hot habit of his when brushing his fingers in his hair, grinning so hard."I can't stop thinking about you, how good you'd take up all my cock inside your cunt. But I can't stop thinking how much ur dripping underneath this pretty dress."

"Who said I'm dripping?" You retorted, with a half grin across. The lies told by you is ridiculous. Knowing damn well your wetter than ever at this very point yet the brat in you wants to not admit it.

Haechan extends his hand on your thighs before his fingers swirl up towards your heat, causing you to bite your lips. "So if I just put my hand under your needy cunt you're telling me you won't be dripping of wetness?"

He's not stupid. He knows how his touch drives you insane just by seeing your reaction, leaving a small whimper.

Ever since he's entered in your home, He can't help but think what flimsy material that dress is. Easily ripping apart. Leaving nothing to his imagination, hugging your curves so tightly.

You grab hold of his hand tightly, stopping him from entering inside, "I guess I should teach you other ways to find out, don't you think baby?"

And here comes the side of yourself which Haechan always wanted to experience, for once finding someone who counterparts and puts him right in his place, happily.

"Then teach me," Haechans voice drops lower, face pushing down towards your heaving chest as he looks up,"Teach me how to make you feel good mistress..."

"Sit." You demanded.

All Haechan has ever acted was being cocky for his own good. You know what will put him in his place right now.

He kneels down as he gazes up, eyes turning from dark to soft in an instant, like a stupid little puppy waiting for his treat.

"You got quite a mouth on you, you know that?"

"But I-.."

"Shut the fuck up. Did I ask you to speak?"

Pulling your dress all the way up only for Haechan to see you have absoutely nothing on underneath. Your bare cunt is just dripping with slick, throbbing for touch. Spreading your thighs wide enough, pulling his face closer to nozzle in between your thighs.

Shivering from whats happening, he squeezes his own thighs in pleasure. His cock hurts so so bad. But he wants to please his mistress.

His lips launch around the folds, slight hair which prickles his face. You love the feel of his fat pink lips going all across.

You grab on to his soft hair only to pull it vigorously, an indication for Haechan to keep going. He can't even pause for any second to let out a breath. You want to cum. It's a need, a necesscity.

Grinding all over his gorgeous slick filled face, you slightly squat your thighs on to his cute nose as it hits the clit. Wanting him to feel suffocation, the only way to serve you is being close to giving up entirely. His hands tighten against your thighs, red marks arise having his fingers firmly pressed into your skin. A sign of struggles, you can hear his groans. His face being filled of your cum and his own tears, looking the most beautiful ever.

Thighs burning so badly, moving away from his nose, you move your hips all his mouth. The gush of his own saliva splattered all over. He fucking loves eating pussy, he just wants to take you all in, being all kinds of nasty with you.

"Look so pretty with a cunt on your face, Keep going and you might get a treat," You praised, moving your fingers on his around his cheek looking down at the desperate little bitch who would do anything to please his mistress.

Haechan loves hearing praise, knowing he is doing such a good job. It further excites him by becoming aggressive with his sucking, his tongue spreading over your folds before he shoves them deeply inside your cunt. Making you tremble as the pleasure begins to overflow your entire body.

"K-keep going," you breath out with a moan, mouth opening wider each time he swirls his tongue around, inserting it in and out. You knew your approaching your end very soon as your body continues to shake tremendously, legs aching not being able to remain stable.

You have your hand on the kitchen counter for support, spreading your legs further just to feel his desperate tongue slurping all the way down to your ass. Running your own hands to your breasts, you tightly squeeze and pinch your nipples. Knowing how much he admires your breasts you put on a little show for him, as hes not being allowed to touch.

He growls loudly inside of you, veins popping out from his neck ready to burst. He continues to get aggravated. He hates how he can't even put his hand above and fondle your beautiful breasts. Suffering just by watching, cock hardening at each second. You know the look he has in his eyes, he's at his breaking point. You love it.

"Shit, I'm going to squirt.." you shivered as you spoke. You stop moving but Haechan pulls you closer beneath you, his eyes begging for more. He's not done yet, he wants to ride you out completely.

"N-need to be good, I want to consume it all, I wanna be your good boy-, he sniffles in between with cum filled around his features. His eyes almost puppy like, watering with your slick mixed with tears. He looks so cute like this.

"P-please Mistress," he begged so obediently.

"O-open your mouth baby," Releasing once his mouth is entirely open, flushing down the liquid that exerts out from you. Looking below and watching how he doesn't miss a single drop. He enjoyed it so much, still slurping your hole because he loves to give pleasure.

You bring him up and immediately kiss him. Feeling the taste of your own self on his lips.  "Fuck me Haechan," you murmured against his lips hard, bodies colliding roughly.

You love teaching him a lesson, he's always been cockier than ever and deserves to be put in to place. However, you know how great he'd be fucking you, mouthing full of disgusting things. You love to be dominated.

"Gladly," he excitedly states. He knows he won't be able to last long at all and needs to feel being inside of you. Removing his belt, taking his pants half way down, he flips you around against the counter.

He slaps your swollen cunt hard then soothes it with his mouth as he kissed, "Fucking love this cunt," he groans, eliciting a loud moan from your mouth.

He strokes his cock once before pushes it through your abused cunt. You can feel the way all his inches pushed through, his cock felt so good inside you. This is what you've always wanted to feel, Haechan's cock sliding through.

"Mm.. your cunt is much tighter than I thought." he growled. Eyes rolling back feeling your warm cunt. Increasing his pace once he settled in. He sinks lower and lower with his hands over your waist, making you feel all his inches.

"You feel so big in me," you moaned. His cock was a fairly decent size with thick grith. He felt perfect, strecthing out all yours walls already. Like he's made for it.

He delivers small licks over your spine, causing a shiver over your entire body. "Yeah? Giving you deeper strokes, Thought I had a small cock, huh?"

His hands grab on to your breasts, squeezing them before he flicks with his fingers.

Your eyes rolling back, Haechan is thrusting aggressively. You know he felt some way about it but really you just was playing.

"Mmm.." you wince out.

"Those grown men know nothing. You're just a slut in heat. Begging to get fucked," mercilessly fucking you with his other hand finding its way to your clit. Speeding roughly as his hand moves around the clit.

"Your c-cock feels so good..."

Haechan chuckles, "Oh I know it does. That guy definitely didn't fuck you right, needy cunt of yours keeps begging for my cock," Smacking your ass with a loud thud, groaning as he thrusts his hips forward, pushing you on to the cold surface.

Haechan squeezes your throat, balls smacking behind your ass as he begins to feel like he's coming. Fucking you straight animalistic.

"Only i can fuck you this good," ramming his cock faster as one hand is on your throat, tightening as he increases his pace. You can hear his gorgeous loud groans, his drool coating your back as it slips behind you.

"Wanna know something? Getting slower in his pace after the build up, making you wince. "I've been fucking others but I don't even cum in them. Wanna know why?"

"W-why Haechan...." you muffled out

He picks his pace back up, going ballistic with his balls hitting behind, hand grabbing your throat pressing on it roughly, making you suffocate and harder to breathe.

"Because you own my cum. It belongs to only you."

"C-cumming.... oh.... fuckk..." you cried. Your whole body shaking, legs trembling from the orgasmn that just occurred. Rolling your eyes back and loudly moaning, you creamed all over his cock. The feel of his hot cum shooting all over your cunt and owning it was the best thing you ever experienced.

He keeps thrusting his cock inside your wet cum filled cunt, making sure your inside sucks it all in. Swallowing it down.

"Shit.. your cunt felt so good I couldn't help but fucking bust," he looks in awe at how much your dripping.

You loved it. Finally fucking Haechan and getting rid of the frustration building between you both.

You both cleaned up in the shower together, then he left soon after.

Already you're feeling ache down below. But at least now you can call him over and fuck how ever much you wanted.

Texting Jaemin:

Haechan [12.30am] yo u won't believe who i just fucked...

Half an hour after

Angel [1.00am] meet me tommrow

Angel [1.01am] miss your cock

Well that article was true after all.

©2022 lostlovesoul11 all rights reserved.

[caoimhewritingdesk]

hiya, i've been reading a lot of bella stuff cause im currently obssesed with him, i was wondering if you could write a bella x fem! reader where they're both actors and reader just had a movie come out (i would love if it's a horror) so she's having a lot of interviews and she gets asked what movie fascinated her recently and she says requiem (watch it if you haven't it's so good) and she says she knows bella has tlou coming out rn and wants to look into it cause she really liked them in requiem and thinks she's an amazing actor and let's it slip that she thinks he's also really pretty and bella hears cause fans tag them in it, but little do we know bella has had a bit of a crush on reader for some time now and then they finally meet at an award show or something and really hit it off if you know what i mean. i will leave the rest up to you! also sorry this is so long 😭

The Interview

Part 1

I'm so sorry, this has taken me so long to reply to, I've been really busy with Uni work and haven't had time to write.

Summary: You let slip that you find Bella attractive in an interview

Request anything to do with Bella and I'll try my best.

Pairing: Bella Ramsey x fem! reader

Word count: 891

You had spent the last couple of weeks promoting your new movie, it was a horror movie centring around a solo female protagonist who is hunted for sport. You had spent 6 months running in the woods covered in blood, so sitting in a hotel room answering questions from every magazine and website was a walk in the park but you couldn’t help the boredom set in around the second day when all you were being asked was how you felt acting with your male counterpart and if you were nervous to kiss him. Not being new to the industry you were used to these types of questions and they never bothered you before but today, it was just getting on your nerves. It maybe because you had spent most of the night before watching The Last of Us and edits of Bella Ramsey which then lead you to find out they were in a short film that was coming out in a couple of days. It sparked your interest and you couldn’t help but count down the days until it was going to be released. 

“You have mentioned before your love of indie movies, is there any that have sparked your interest?” The interviewer asked which knock you out of your thoughts. 

“Funny you should ask that, last night I came across a short film that looks really good. It’s called Requiem. It’s got Balla Ramsey in it and from them being incredible in The Last of Us it will no doubt be amazing” you say with a smile on your face, finally a question that isn’t the same. 

“I’ve loved watching The Last of Us, can we just have a minute to appreciate Pedro Pascal,” The interviewer said with a laugh. “My for you page on TikTok has been flooded with videos of him”

“Mine has been flooded with edits of Bella, It’s like every video” you chuckled. The interviewer responded with a raised eyebrow. Throughout your career, you have kept your private life very secret but it meant that your fans have speculated about your sexuality. For some reason, recently a blind item had come out that was rumoured to be about you and a secret girlfriend but you are single and all the blind item has done is added fuel to the fire of rumours. 

“Can I just say? I’ve been a fan of The Last of Us for years and when the show was announced I was a little worried as I didn’t want the adaptation to be bad but I have not been disappointed, the only thing that the show hasn’t got right is Joel not dying as much than when I play the game. Also, the comments of other fans have made about Bella are so disgusting, I think they need to get their eyes checked because you have to be blind to think Bella is anything other than attractive or not the perfect Ellie.” You ended up ranting and the interviewer was just nodding along, but you couldn’t help the sinking feeling in your stomach. You knew for a fact that the interviewer was going to use what you’ve said about Bella and add more fuel to the fire of speculation about your sexuality. 

A couple of days later. 

Bella has just posted a picture on Instagram of some behind-the-scenes pictures from The Last of Us. It had only been up for a couple of minutes when their phone was blown up with notifications, they knew where this was going. It would be filled with a bunch of hate comments about her and as much as he didn’t want to, he couldn’t stop himself from looking at them even though it hurts him. Only to be surprised, there were a lot of hate comments but most of them followed along the lines of: 

users1:BELLA HAVE YOU SEEN Y/N’S NEW INTERVIEW?!?!?!?!?

He knew your work very well, having watched most of the movies and TV shows you had been in. He wouldn’t say he had a crush but it was a point for his friends to tease him about. It was even something Pedro teased him about, you had a new movie released in 2021 in the middle of filming The Last of Us and for a soiled week or two, it was all he talked about. 

Pulling up YouTube to watch the interview as curiosity got the better of him. When they saw the interview in question it was clicked on immediately. For the second time in 5 minutes they were shocked, the clip from the interview was you saying “Can I just say? I’ve been a fan of The Last of Us for years and when the show was announced I was a little worried as I didn’t want the adaptation to be bad but I have not been disappointed, the only thing that the show hasn’t got right is Joel not dying as much than when I play the game. Also, the comments of other fans have made about Bella are so disgusting, I think they need to get their eyes checked because you have to be blind to think Bella is anything other than attractive or not the perfect Ellie” 

Blush crept up on his cheeks and he didn’t realise he was smiling. 

“Well, what do I do now?” he said out loud.

[wordwiilderness]

Review: Death Becomes Her by Kayla Shaggy

CW (for review): mentions of suicide and depression

*Death Becomes Her is a paranormal fantasy comic about a young woman who feels dissatisfied with her life until she finds a path to immortality*

My first impression was that I LOVED the cover art. I’m obsessed with the bright red color and the creepy bugs on the back. I love the expression on Marianna’s face. She seems sad/tired and maybe a bit uncertain.

I also really liked how depression was portrayed. The CWs mentioned suicide so I was expecting that, but it was actually Mariana’s lack of energy and frequent spacing out that made me feel *seen* in a way I wasn’t expecting.

Overall, I really liked each of the characters that were introduced. Mariana got the most attention (since it’s just the introduction), and I loved how her motivation for seeking immortality was fleshed out. She didn’t think she had enough time to accomplish her goals, and immortality solved that problem for her.

The main plot line of the story so far is about Mariana becoming immortal. I’ve read my fair share of vampire stories, so I thought I knew what to expect, but I found Mariana’s story especially unique. I definitely didn’t expect Mariana to seek immortality out on her own (most stories that touch on immortality have a firm “death is part of being human and a good thing” stance), so the fact that she sought it out and *chose* to leave mortality behind was surprising!! I’m really curious to see what Mariana’s experience is like, and whether she’s happy with her decision as the story goes on.

Another plot line introduced in the first issue was the potential romance between Mariana and a mysterious older woman named Annalise. I loved the chemistry between these two. In the brief time they met, they already had me side-eying the page and laughing at their dynamic. Annalise’s deadpan demeanor was a cute compliment to Mariana’s shy yet eager personality.

Issue 1 of Death Becomes Her was a delightful introduction to the story. It’s perfect for fans of paranormal fantasy stories that delve into dark topics.

I’ve read two other of Kayla Shaggy’s works, and this was definitely my favorite. I can tell the author has honed her art style and storytelling skills. If you like fantasy comics with lesbian main characters, I cannot recommend her works enough.

Death Becomes Her and Shaggy’s other comics can be found on her website at kaylashaggy.gallery

CW (for comic): references to suicide, depression, blood, death, insects, implied cannibalism

[mattzerella-sticks]

fanservice (ao3 link)

T, 1.5k

Jack Kline & Sam Winchester & Dean Winchester & Castiel, Castiel/Dean Winchester

Domestic Fluff, Movie Night, Mistakes, Embarrassed Winchesters, Fan Films

It's movie night! Jack is in charge of picking tonight's movie, and he decides to surprise his family with a movie that's all about them... Except maybe he should have watched the movie first, before showing it to the others, before embarrassing them and himself with its content. That's the last time Jack trusts what reviewers say.

            It was Jack’s turn to pick this week’s movie. He put a lot of thought into his selection and, after stumbling onto an independent film website, Jack was confident that he found one his family would love. They’d be so proud.

            “What is it we’re watching again?”

            Jack turned from his laptop, which had been plugged into the Dean Cave’s television, smiling at Dean as he told him it’s a secret. Dean stuffed popcorn into his mouth in retaliation, wiggling deeper into Cas’s lap as he chomped and chewed.

            Seating was a compromise. There were still only two recliners and with Sam taking the other one and Jack camping on the floor with a spare comforter, Dean and Cas shared theirs. It was an arrangement Jack wasn’t sure would work at first. They grumbled and complained and sniped at each other, but they also continued sitting like that night after night. If they really minded, it would have ended months earlier.

            Jack returned to his task as Cas murmured something about patience, that made Dean respond and then Sam piping in as referee. He shook his head. It was better than laughing, than being dragged back into the conversation for another fifteen minutes instead of starting the movie.

            He pulled the movie up without further interruption, pressing play and crawling into his nest. Jack scooped a handful of popcorn from where it sat in Dean’s lap while the credits rolled. A familiar emblem appeared, of a star wreathed in flames, before it dissolved and was swept away by an unknown breeze. Jack bounced in excitement.

            Sam coughed from behind. “Jack,” he said, his tone light and cautious, “what… ah – what kind of movie did you say this was again?”

            Jack figured it wouldn’t hurt if he explained his choice now. “It’s a movie about us!” He whipped his head around, his grin slashing his face in half. “Well, about you and Dean. It’s what people on the Internet call a ‘fan film’.” He glanced between the three of them. “There’s a whole bunch of them.”

            Sam paled as he looked from Jack to Dean. Dean, meanwhile, was focused on Cas with an almost dazed glint in his stare.

            “Can you believe it?” he said, “A movie about us? Movies…” He sounded proud. Awed, almost.

            “You’re okay with this?” Sam asked.

            “Why wouldn’t I be?”

            “You weren’t exactly thrilled when those girls wrote that play about us.”

            “The theater’s for nerds,” Dean waved Sam off. “Movies… only the real important people get movies made about them. We’re like Star Trek or – or Star Wars!”

            Sam scoffed. “Yeah, and theater’s for nerds…”

            Their banter telegraphed a more intense squabble, and Jack couldn’t have that now when the movie was finally picking up with this Dean and this Sam pulling into a motel parking lot in what was probably the closest Impala they could afford that was similar to Baby. Jack shushed them and pointed at the screen. Everyone quieted and looked on as the car parked and a figure lumbered out of the driver’s seat covered in blood and dirt.

            “You break the number one rule again,” not-Dean growled, “I’m throwing your cherry ass out of Baby without a second thought.”

            He stalked to their motel room while not-Sam trailed after, slamming the passenger-side door, whining. “I’d do it again. There’s only so much Speedwagon a man can take in one drive.”

            Dean chuckled. “He really sounds like you, Sam.”

            “Shut up.”

            Not-Dean shouldered into the motel with a heavy swagger. “Don’t care. You know how it is, driver picks the music…”

            “Shotgun shuts his piehole!” Dean yelled at the same time, snickering when Cas tickled his ribs.

            Jack rolled his eyes. He leaned forward, watching not-Dean and not-Sam amble throughout the room as they unwind from a hunt. This was a movie he hadn’t seen yet. From what he’s read online, though, it’s very popular. He wanted to know why.

            “So,” not-Sam said, peeling his overshirt from his shoulders with a grimace, “how are we doing this tonight?”

            “Do we have to do this now?”

            “Yes. I’m tired, and I want shut eye.” He jerked his thumb at the bed. The only bed. “I’d rather do it on a mattress than on the floor.”

            “Dude, you got the bed last night.” Not-Dean pushed not-Sam away. “And, not that it needs mentioning, but you weren’t being rag dolled by the big bad wolf and his large, sharp claws.”

            “No, I was too busy keeping us from being overrun by the guy’s pack by rolling a boulder in front of their den.”

            “That was easy. You were there at that entrance all night! I was the one who drew the short straw and had to go inside and place the explosives.”

            “I offered. You wouldn’t even let me hold it.”

            “Yeah, well… knowing you, the bomb would’ve gone off in your hands.”

            They really did argue like them. It made the film easier to get lost in, as the actors barely resembled the brothers he knew. Not-Dean was a few inches shorter than the actual Dean, with tanner skin, more chiseled features and heavily tattooed. Not-Sam, however, was skinner than he should be, had a beard and wavier hair that hung past his shoulder; his eyes were blue, too. Jack understood that some creative liberties needed to be taken.

            Not-Sam took offense to his Dean’s claims and escalated their argument by shoving him hard. He sent not-Dean sprawling onto the floor, standing over him with an overly confident smirk creasing his features. It didn’t remain there very long. Not-Dean hooked his foot around not-Sam’s ankle and felled him with one swoop.

            The wrestled with each other. They wrestled with each other, and the camera stayed on them as they did for, what Jack felt was, a strange amount of time.

            Then, curiously, not-Sam straddled not-Dean and attacked his shirt, ripping it off him. Not-Dean, meanwhile, tried pantsing his Sam to no avail because he hadn’t yet dealt with the belt still wrapped around his hips. They were fighting low and dirty.

            “You know,” not-Sam panted, flinging the tattered remains of not-Dean’s shirt to the side as he helped not-Dean with his belt. “Why don’t we share the bed tonight?”

            Not-Dean chuckled. “Thought you’d never ask… bitch.”

            “Jerk.”

            Dean slammed the laptop closed and cut the movie off without warning, startling Jack into dumping what little popcorn he had left onto the floor. His face was bright red, almost like the actor who played him in the movie, albeit Jack concluded he was flushed for different reasons, especially when he couldn’t meet Jack’s eyes. “That was the movie you wanted to show us?” His voice cracked and, despite how he cleared his throat or folded his arms across his chest, he couldn’t recover from it.

            Jack shrugged. “There were a lot of good reviews for it.”

            “Yeah, why am I not surprised…”

            Sam stood now, too, and shuffled to where Dean stood. They kept a noticeable distance between them. He looked at Jack with visible disappointment. Jack squirmed under its pressure. “Jack. Was this supposed to be a joke? A prank?”

            “No?” he said, “Why do you think it is?”

            “…Because that was a porno, Jack.”

            “A –“ Jack’s eyes widened. “You mean like those movie’s Dean has saved in his laptop?”

            “I do not…” Dean trailed off as both Sam and Cas’s glares turned on him. He bristled. “At least I don’t have anything like that,” he pointed at Jack’s laptop, “in my stuff.”

            “Jack,” Cas said. He remained seated, and he placed his hand on Jack’s shoulder. “Did you really not know what that movie was?”

            “No. But I… should have realized, thinking back on it,” he sighed. “It explains why I kept getting viruses every time I visited the website.”

            “What you need is some anti-malware that –“ “Not now, Dean!”

            Jack pouted and rose onto shaky feet. His gaze shifted from Cas to Sam, then to Dean, sheepishly. His confidence had fled. “Sorry,” he said, “I honestly thought that… it was supposed to be a fun surprise.”

            Sam attempted a comforting smile. It was more of a grimace. “You certainly surprised us.”

            “Can we still watch a movie tonight?”

            The three older men conversed silently amongst themselves until, finally, Sam spoke for the group. “Why don’t we pick this up tomorrow,” he said, “give you time to pick something new and for us to… forget what we saw.”

            Jack accepted their offer, already rattling off ideas for what they could watch tomorrow with renewed interest. Sam listened as he helped Jack clean his nest, helping him bring his comforter back to his room.

            Dean and Cas lingered in the Dean Cave. Jack overheard them talking, whispering, Dean glancing at the darkened television screen every few seconds.

            “Do you think there’re films with us that’s like –“

            “If you finish that thought, you’re ‘sharing’ the bed with your brother tonight.”

            Jack smothered his giggling with his comforter while Sam huffed and Dean spluttered, aghast, inspiring another bout of laughter that Jack couldn’t hide quick enough.

            Maybe tonight hadn’t been ruined at all.

[lost-in-gardener]

This was far outside from what he’s used to, but he’s already done it, so there’s no going back now.

He and Finn have tiptoed around the topic of special pieces and how the choices of lingerie have drastically changed over the years, and yet even with this knowledge in mind, he could almost convince himself he’s heating up with embarrassment along with something else as he shifts in his position on the bed. Oliver adjusts the strap of the— dress? Is that what it was? It’s what it most resembled to be, though with how see through it is, he feels as if he’s wearing nothing at all, vulnerably bare and nearly more exposed than when he truly is wearing nothing.

Finn was always the one surprising him, considering they were the one with the more advanced knowledge when regarding topics in this kind of territory, but he wanted to return the favor in the one way he knew how to. It hasn’t been easy getting his hands on something he thought worthy of buying. He still felt bad about having to use her payment methods, even though Finn had reassured him that as long as it was inside reasonable prices, he could choose anything that caught his eye. Oliver wasn’t sure how much time he had spent at their computer scrolling through different options and switching through various websites.

The slight struggle was nothing compared to when he actually had to try it on. The white material made the dark scars of his chest pop more than they usually did, and while Finn has confirmed time and time again that they were nothing but another ‘beautiful’ part of him, he had to bite his lip to stop himself from frowning at the sight. Aside from that, he didn’t think he looked horrible, which was the most important part. Laying down felt wrong, so he sits up on the mattress instead, knees pulled up just enough to his chest where they aren’t touching but it covers some of him for the time being.

Now, all he had to do was wait for their arrival.

— @lost-soul-in-time

((Long link incoming: https://www.orcajump.com/products/j6ttaqoa?variant=43642185941242&epik=dj0yJnU9UG92WW9TcUlwbWExRXVxbHU4SVlPdFI4bUplUkNma3AmcD0wJm49QUM0dXh2VUpkYlBvQ252S3JYa3ZLdyZ0PUFBQUFBR1J6emFn))

When Oliver had first brought up the topic of lingerie, Finn was ecstatic about buying him something of his choosing. They could tell he was nervous about the subject, and Finn knew that was partially just because he'd grown up in a different time where this kind of thing wasn't talked about as much, but they wanted to let him know somehow that they were more than pleased with the concept of him expressing his more feminine side. As they get home from a long day at their office, Finn's eyes scan the house for any sign of Oliver. "Noll?" they call out, relaxing slightly at the lack of blood splatters around the house. They take off their jacket and set it down on the couch, running a hand through their hair and wandering up to the bedroom. She gingerly knocks on the door, hoping that they weren't interrupting anything.

"Sugar, are you in h..."

Their voice trails off at the sight of Oliver, blue eyes fixated on the sheer fabric of the set he'd chosen and fucking hell, he was so goddamn cute.

Finn's lips slowly curl into a mischevious smile, unable to take their gaze off of him as they step into the room fully and close the door behind them. Oh, he was utterly delectable. They tap excitedly against their own palm as they step closer to the bed, eyes finally tearing away from the piece to meet Oliver's gaze. They're clearly pleased by the sight of him, softly sitting on the edge of the bed and brushing their hands over his form.

"Sugar, you look so fucking pretty," they murmur, fingertips grazing over his dark scars through the fabric of the set. They lean in and begin planting soft kisses along his neck, humming appreciatively as they trace their lips along the shell of his ear. "Seeing you like this after a long day at work is exactly what I needed, my love." She gently nips at his ear, chuckling softly.

[natjennie]

i dont want to make a bad faith interpretation, but it seems like people in the ofmd fandom who are maybe used to putting their writing somewhere else or maybe haven't posted writing before are misunderstanding some of ao3's features. which is totally understandable it's an overwhelming website. now I'm not an expert, I dont have like. a degree in database management or library sciences or something, but, as someone who is very particular about the fics I read, I thought I'd say some things.

mainly, tags on ao3 work directly for both what you want to include and what you want to exclude. so, for instance, when I'm searching for an ofmd fic, I can specify ed/stede included, and izzy/ed excluded, so nothing that has been tagged as izzy/ed will populate on the list. but I think writer's don't usually think about tagging their fics with the "negatives" as in, you're usually advertising the selling points rather than potential downsides, right?

and you're looking at your fic from the point of view of the person that wrote it. you know how it ends you know the specifics, you have a biased opinion about the degree to which those things feature in your fic. for example, if you write a line about someone getting stabbed and bleeding, but it's very very minor and vague, you might not think to tag it. but if someone specifically searches excluding blood as a tag, it means they really don't want to see that. so you not tagging it means they might see your fic, read and love it, then get triggered by the inclusion of injuries and blood. even though you knew it was no big deal, the character was fine, there was barely a description. but that's just your perspective.

same with the idea of character death. if they get revived or if they come back as a ghost or something, you might not think to tag it because it's not the main point of the fic, it's not a big deal, it gets resolved. but someone who specifically excludes character death doesn't want to read a character dying. no matter the end result.

do you know what I mean? and I think this gets really prevalent specifically for alternate universes, and the specific tagging etiquette for them.

because, from the writer's point of view, it's a fic about them being doctors. or something. and you've written all these thousands of words about hospitals and medicine and stuff, so you tag it alternate universe - doctors. because that's what the fic is about. but you're forgetting that, by virtue of them being doctors in hospitals and texting and answering calls, they're in a modern au. you didn't think that was the main part of the fic, but someone specifically avoiding- or specifically looking for modern au's is shortchanged by your use of only the tag au - doctors. rather than covering the broad genre first.

and I know you're putting your writing out there for free and you don't owe anyone anything, but ao3 is an archive. it's a database. it's free access to information, and being inaccurate in your labeling is an injustice to you, not getting the credit or audience you deserve, and potential readers, reading something they didn't sign up for, or not being able to find something they want.

think of it like a literal library. when you go to the young adult section, you want young adult novels. if a children's book ended up there because the author neglected to market it as a children's book, you'd be pretty annoyed at the organization of the library. because that's not what you were looking for.

so I guess I mean, for all the memes about those giant blocks of text as tags for crossover fics or w/e, please be generous in your tags. there is no algorithm to ao3, there is no word association by the search engine. when I search, or exclude, cats it is only going to comb through and provide, or remove, fics with the tag cats. nothing else. it works like putting things in quotes in google. please tag your fics as literally as possible.

that's it. rant over. thank you :)

[aer-in-wanderland]

The Snowdrop Controversy: Debunked

Why everything you think you know about the Snowdrop controversy is probably false (and why you should really watch the drama and judge it for yourself).

The original version of this post can be found here. 

As is the unfortunate nature of these things, language barriers are no match for the powers of disinformation. The goal of this post, then, is to break down the Snowdrop controversy (설강화 논란) as comprehensively and succinctly as possible. If you know me at all by now, you know that I do comprehensive well and succinct far less well, but I’m going to give it my best shot!

Overview

How It All Started

Main Criticisms/Accusations

Denigration of the Democratization Movement

Romanticization of the ANSP/Dictatorial Government

Distortion of History

Additional Criticisms

Character Names

Jung Hae In Harper’s Bazaar Korea Interview

Fiction & Fact →  A rapid-fire what’s what. If you read nothing else, read this!

Where We Are Now

Korea Communications Standards Commission (KCSC) Ruling

Legal Action

From the Korean Fans

Final Thoughts

How It All Started

The controversy surrounding Snowdrop is largely twofold. The first line of accusations began at an early stage in the production process with false rumours that the drama was being produced using Chinese investment capital. This occurred amidst an atmosphere of widespread anti-Chinese sentiment within South Korea. So, rumoured Chinese involvement — that’s the first one. The second major set of criticisms began with the leaking of the series synopsis in March of 2021. It was at this point that rumours of, ‘a North Korean spy leading the democratization movement’ first began to spread. Another rumour claimed that the female protagonist was participating in the democratization movement whilst knowingly in love with a North Korean spy. In truth, the words ‘democratization movement’ (민주화 운동) appeared nowhere in the leaked synopsis. Here’s what it actually said:

1987 Seoul. An era in which tear gas exploded like firecrackers. A man covered in blood tumbles into a women’s university dormitory. The female protagonist, convinced he’s a student activist fighting for the cause of the era, hides him and treats his wounds even amidst strict surveillance and grave peril. Never even dreaming that the man she’s fallen in love with somewhere along the way is an armed espionage agent.* As the male protagonist, who survived hellish training to become a warrior equal to a hundred, has to complete the mission given to him by his homeland, He is caught in the fate of having no choice but to aim a gun at the woman who saved him, at the first woman he’s ever come to love. Though she’s someone he wants to save without fail, by any means, at all costs. Through the ardent love of these two protagonists we want to show you. Whether it’s truly good for us* to continue living this way... Whether it’s truly okay for us to continue living forever as strangers, as enemies... *n.b. The word being understood to mean ‘North Korean spy/agent’ here is ‘kancheop’ (간첩), which literally just means ‘espionage agent’ but is often used to refer to North Korean agents more specifically. The ‘us’ in the final lines refers to the Korean people, North and South. You can find the original Korean here.

So, the female protagonist mistakes the male protagonist for a student activist and so hides him and treats his wounds, falling in love with him whilst having no idea he’s actually a North Korean spy. The male protagonist, despite loving her back, ends up having no choice but to hold her at gunpoint for the sake of accomplishing his mission. Love across battle lines. Unity amidst division — that’s the premise.

Despite this, early drivers of the controversy began uploading posts to websites like TheQoo (a.k.a. “Murder Qoo”) featuring images of the synopsis with titles designed to spark outrage, accompanied by descriptions that weren’t representative of the synopsis’ actual content (e.g. a North Korean agent leading the democratization movement, etc.). Other netizens who saw the posts became predictably outraged and proceeded to spread the (dis)information without actually stopping to read the synopsis itself (classique). These falsehoods rapidly devolved into established ‘facts.’ Since this was all happening well before the drama began airing, there was little anyone could do to refute the claims without spoiling the plot. JTBC released a series of statements on March 26 (Eng.) and March 30, 2021 (Eng), attempting to set the record straight, to little effect. As one Korean fan described it to me:

“They (those spreading falsehoods) made use of the fact that no one could refute their claims since the drama hadn’t aired yet. Because there wasn’t anyone to object, the lies became truths, and they were able to frame the drama in such a light that, before a lot of people had ever even seen it, they already disdained it enough that they didn’t even care to confirm whether any of it was true.”

When the drama finally began airing in December 2021 and it became clear that there wasn’t any content denigrating the democratization movement, criticism refocused on accusations of the ‘romanticization of the Agency for National Security Planning (ANSP)’ and ‘historical distortion.’ As with the synopsis, these criticisms weren’t substantiated by the actual content of the drama, but by this point, casual critics were too stubborn to admit they were wrong, and those actively driving the controversy remained hell-bent on doing so. They accomplished this by taking select scenes and/or lines out of context and disseminating them with intentionally distorted ‘descriptions.’ As a result, a large majority of those criticizing that drama did so without ever having actually watched it, relying instead on the intentionally distorted information being circulated online.

The following section offers a brief overview of some of the main criticisms aimed at Snowdrop and why they were considered to be so problematic.

Main Criticisms/Accusations

Quick note on history before we get down to things: For those who aren’t already familiar, South Korea was under the control of a military dictatorship for most of the 1960s~80s. During these years, many who participated in the pro-democracy movement were imprisoned, tortured, and/or killed by the Agency for National Security Planning (1981-1999) and its predecessor, the Korean Central Intelligence Agency (1961-1981), the enforcer arms of the Chun Doo Hwan (1980-1987) and Park Chung Hee (1961-1979) regimes, respectively. On paper, the ANSP was South Korea’s preeminent intelligence organisation, charged with ‘the collection, compilation, and distribution of foreign and domestic information regarding public safety against communists and plots to overthrow the government.’ In practice, they carried out a brutal communist witch hunt against anyone who opposed the regime. For a 30,000 ft overview of the recent history of the Korean Peninsula, check out this helpful post .

Denigration of the Democratization Movement (민주화 운동 폄훼)

Note: While the term ‘democratization movement’ may refer to the fight for democracy in South Korea as a whole, there are also two more specific ‘movements’ it’s often used in reference to. Those are: ・The 5.18 Democracy Movement of May 18~27, 1980 (aka the Gwangju Uprising; the Gwangju Massacre) ・The 6.10 Democracy Movement of June 10~29, 1987 (aka the June Uprising; the June Struggle)

This particular set of criticisms accounts for the majority of the controversy that occurred prior to when Snowdrop actually began airing and often gets paired with accusations of the ‘romanticization of North Korean spies’ (북한 간첩 미화), due to the false claims that the male protagonist, Soo Ho, is a North Korean secret agent involved in/leading the democratization movement. Accusations along this line include:

① Criticisms having to do with the character set-up of the male protagonist

Despite the fact that there really have been numerous incidents of North Korean agents discovered in South Korea, critics claimed that this premise lent justification to the illegal torture conducted by the ANSP as part of the ‘public security’ investigations of the 1970s and 80s. In particular, given the fact that many student activists were framed as communist spies and tortured or killed, some claimed the premise that there really was a North Korean spy among them seemed to justify the ANSP’s investigation, imprisonment, and torture of student demonstrators under the pretext of ferreting out North Korean spies. Given that the discovery of North Korean operatives in South Korea is a historical fact, this seems like a bit of a stretch. 

Another criticism that arose regarding the character has to do with his cover as a Korean residing overseas in Germany attending the University of Berlin, which some claimed recalled the 1967 East Berlin Affair (동백림 사건) and the 1969 European North Korean Spy Ring Fabrication Incident (유럽 간첩단 조작 사건). To briefly summarize the first incident, the South Korean Central Intelligence Agency announced in 1967 that 194 Koreans residing or studying abroad in Eastern Europe had entered the North Korean embassy in Berlin and were operating as spies. This lead to the framing of musician Yun Isang and painter Lee Ungno, as well as the torture and crippling of poet Chon Sang Byeong. If you’re like me, you’re probably asking yourself how any of this is relevant. Answer: it isn’t.

② Claims that the premise appears to be lending credence to the theory that North Korea intervened in the 5.18 Democracy Movement*

Some critics claimed that the drama was depicting the Public Security State’s (i.e the Chun Doo Hwan regime’s) assertions throughout the 1980s that the 5.18 Democracy Movement was instigated by people receiving orders from North Korea as historical fact. Keep in mind, Snowdrop has nothing to do with the democratization movement. It centers on fictional events surrounding the 1987 presidential election. What’s more, this allegation is based on the fabrication that Soo Ho is somehow involved in the democracy movement as a North Korean spy (he’s not).

*n.b. The 5.18 Democracy Movement (오일팔 민주화 운동) is alternately known as 5.18 (오일팔), the Gwangju Democracy Movement (광주 민주화 운동), the Gwangju Uprising (광주 인민 봉기), The Gwangju Democratization Struggle (광주 민주화 항쟁), or the Gwangju Massacre.

③ Suspicions that the character ‘Eun Young Cho’ is based on a real person

The female protagonist, Eun Young Ro, was originally named ‘Young Cho,’ which is an unusual name. This led some to suspect it was taken from real-life student activist and democracy movement leader, Chun Young Cho, who resisted the Yushin Reforms of the Park Chung Hee regime during the 1970s. In addition, her husband, Jung Mun Hwa, was framed as a North Korean spy and tortured during the People’s Blue Federation Incident (민청학령 사건) in the early 1970s, dying of malnutrition at a young age. This was considered problematic in conjunction with the fact that the drama’s male lead is a North Korean spy.

④ Criticism of the inclusion of the protest song, ‘Oh Pine, Oh Pine, Oh Verdant Pine’*

During a scene in which the male protagonist (a North Korean spy), flees pursuit by the ANSP, the music heard in the background is ‘Oh Pine, Oh Pine, Oh Verdant Pine.’ Critics claimed that it was disrespectful to score such a scene with a famous protest song. The thing is, the song wasn’t inserted as BGM to score the scene. It was being sung within the drama itself by the crowd of student protestors that Soo Ho and his ANSP pursuers ran through while they chased him.

*n.b. I watched the JTBC version (the version broadcast in Korea) which does include the song, but I’m told it actually doesn’t appear in the Disney+ (US) version, so if this is news to you, that may be why. For anyone curious, you can watch a clip of the JTBC version with the song included here.

Romanticization of the ANSP/Dictatorial Government (안기부/독재정권 미화)

This group of criticisms has to do with the alleged romanticization* of the New Military Group (신군부) and the Agency for National Security Planning (ANSP). Accusations along this line that appeared from before the drama began airing include: ① The second male lead is an ANSP Team Leader (and the ANSP is where student activists were tortured) This is in reference to the character Lee Gang Mu, who is the ‘second male lead’ of Snowdrop in the literal sense that he’s the male deuteragonist. The assumption here was that he would share a loveline with Young Ro, who was being made out to be a student activist — another rumour which proved false. If this were in any way true, I would hope that people would also be concerned by the fact that they’re age 36 and 20, respectively. Fortunately for everyone, no such loveline exists. ② The second male lead is described as ‘straight as an arrow’ (‘대쪽같은 인물’) To begin, the phrase ‘straight as an arrow’ (i.e. straightforward; single-minded), doesn’t actually appear in Gang Mu’s character profile, at least, not in those terms. The larger criticism, though, is that he’s portrayed positively when he should be a villain. Again, without giving too much away, Gang Mu may work for the ANSP, but he has his own motivations for doing so. In fact, what it does say in his profile is that he was, ‘disillusioned when he saw that the ANSP didn’t catch spies but rather ‘made’ them (referring, of course, the to way the ANSP framed dissenters as communist spies to suppress opposition and fill quotas). Gang Mu has his own character arc in the drama that’s worth keeping an eye on. In many ways, he acts as a foil for Soo Ho. After the drama began airing, more specific criticisms were added to this, including things like:

‘The fact that the ANSP managed to capture an actual North Korean spy (Park Geum Cheol) is in itself romanticizing the ANSP.’

ㅋㅋㅋ Okay, this one’s just funny. I get that what they mean is that the fact of them capturing an actual spy would seem to justify their communist witch hunt (I’m not sure it does), but it just sounds like they’re complaining that portraying them as even remotely competent is a lie.

‘In EP03, the character Lee Gang Mu has a line saying, “Were you also following the principle of submission to our superiors’ orders when you rounded up random people without any evidence and made them out to be spies?” Depicting the ANSP as having people like Lee Gang Mu among its ranks is romanticizing the ANSP.’

Setting aside what I’ve already said on the character above, I think it would actually be less realistic to portray them as a monolith of evil. There’s something important to be said about evil as the result of the complacency of regular everyday people (I’m thinking of Dong Jae here).

*n.b. What I’ve translated as ‘romanticization’ here and above is the word ‘mihwa’ (미화), which is more literally ‘beautification,’ but can be understood to mean ‘romanticization,’ ‘sanitization,’ or ‘glorification.’

Distortion of History (역사 왜곡)

This last category is in many ways a ‘catch-all’ category for any other criticism aimed at the drama, big and small. The term first appeared in conjunction with accusations that the drama was ‘distorting’ the events of 5.18 (see above) and glorifying the military government, but turned to more specific grievances once the drama began airing and this was proved false. These included things such as:

‘It’s unrealistic that Hall Director Pi would be able to bar the ANSP from searching the dorm without a warrant. In reality, they would have just ignored her and used force/violence. It’s a historical distortion to portray them as reasonable investigators.’

I can see where this may be true, but I can also see where it’s necessary in service of the plot. It’s not that they’re being intentionally portrayed as ‘reasonable’ so much as that it’s necessary narratively that they be delayed in order to buy the protagonists time (even if it seems somewhat unlikely).

‘During the protest in EP01, the riot police shoot the tear gas into the air over the protestors’ heads when they should have fired directly into the crowd.’

Technically, they were meant to fire 45 degrees over the crowd’s heads, as portrayed in the drama (more on that here). But yes, in reality, they often shot into the crowd. That said, doing so would have posed a significant risk to the actors, so this strikes me as more than a little unreasonable.

‘It’s a historical distortion that the economic brain of the minority party (Han Yi Seop) would have met with a North Korean spy.’

(The entire plot is fictional)

My greatest problem with these criticisms is that they appear not to distinguish between ‘distortion’ and ‘fiction.’ The drama is historical fiction, as it has claimed to be from the very beginning. So pointing to elements of the drama that diverge from historic reality or require the viewer to suspend disbelief and calling them ‘distortion’ strikes me as intentionally missing the point. I’ll return to this below, but a third-party investigation into the drama ruled that no such distortion had occurred.

Additional Criticisms

Character Names

① ‘Soo Ho’s surname ‘Im’ (임) is an intentional allusion to a real-life student democracy activist, Im Jong Seok.’ Actually, the surname was selected in service of a play on words. As I’ve explained elsewhere, Soo Ho’s name (守護) means ‘protection’ or ‘guardian,’ and while his last name, ‘Im,’ is written with the character for ‘grove’ (林), Young Ro interprets it as the ‘im’ from ‘imja,’ an antiquated term for one’s love. So his name sounds like ‘protecting his love’ or ‘protector of his love.’ The last name ‘Im’ was selected for this reason. This also feels like a bit of a stretch, considering that ‘Im’ is the 10th most common last name in South Korea, and the first names aren’t even remotely similar. ② ‘Young Ro’s original character name, ‘Eun Young Cho’ (은영초), is a reference to real-life student democracy activist Chun Young Cho.’ Though the production company (JTBC) claims there was no relation, they ended up changing the character’s name to Young Ro at a late stage in the production in order to appease critics. This involved a great deal of effort, as the first couple of episodes had already been filmed using the name Young Cho, and so had to later be dubbed over using post-synchronization recording.

Jung Hae In Harper’s Bazaar Korea Interview

Another wave of criticisms came in response to an answer that Jung Hae In gave in an interview featured in the December 2021 issue of Harper’s Bazaar Korea. When asked whether he had done any additional research into the historical background of the drama, he responded that while he, “was born in 1988 and so never directly experienced the events of 1987,” he hadn’t, because he believed that, “the right answers all lie in the script.” Some netizens interpreted this to mean that he approached the project without knowing anything about the period and historic elements, and began attacking him, criticizing his awareness of history. As you can probably tell by now, I’m the type inclined to do the background research. Objectively, though, Snowdrop is set against the backdrop of a fictional retelling of the 1987 presidential election, and the central conflict, characters, and space within which the drama unfolds are all entirely fictional as well. From the standpoint of an actor, it strikes me as within reason that any answers to how to act within such a context would be found primarily in the script.

Fiction & Fact

Fiction: Im Soo Ho is a North Korean spy who is leading/organizing the South Korean pro-democracy movement. Fact: Im Soo Ho is a North Korean spy whom Eun Young Ro mistakes for a student activist. Soo Ho is never shown to participate in any sort of pro-democracy activity, nor does he ever claim to be a student protestor. The salient point is that Young Ro hides him because she believes this to be the reason he’s on the run from the ANSP. Fiction: The ANSP are portrayed as heroes. Fact: The ANSP is consistently portrayed as ruthless and corrupt. In addition to the actions taken by the various ANSP-affiliated characters (who are all a mixture of incompetent and contemptible), several of the main and supporting characters explicitly call out the ANSP’s tyranny at various points throughout the drama.

Lee Gang Mu: Surrender? You think if I get you to surrender right now they’ll accept it out there? They’re bastards who play games with the citizens’ lives to maintain their own power. ~ EP09 Im Soo Ho: Oi, ANSP Team Leader. The ANSP, who frame anyone who stands up to the government’s tyranny as a North Korean spy. The dogs of the government who trample on their blameless compatriots in the name of establishing security state. That’s the ANSP, right? Who are you to criticize anyone when you’ve been glutting yourself off the salary they give you? Lee Gang Mu: When it comes down to it, they’re both the same, whether it’s the North Korean government that deceived Zainichi Koreans with the buksong* event, trampling on the lives of countless Koreans overseas, or the South Korean government that made a ‘public safety’ state. ~ EP09 Yeo Jeong Min: They’re people who’ll do even worse than this. My older cousin who participated in a union strike at a factory was dragged off to a re-education camp and died there. ~ EP11 Hall Director Pi: In order to win the election, the lives of some thirty people? The ANSP finds them laughable. ~ EP11 Female student: Hey, Eun Young Ro, listen well: my brother, who weighed 78kg (172lbs), was dragged off like a dog by the ANSP and became 50kg (110lbs) in just one month. He nearly surrendered but he held out at the time. In the end, though, he went mad! ~ EP11

*’Buksong‘ (북송), written with the characters for ‘north’ (북・北) and ‘send’ (송・送), refers to a ‘repatriation’ campaign by the North Korean government aimed at Koreans living in Japan.

Fiction: The North Koreans are romanticized (literally, ‘mi-hwa’ (미화), meaning ‘beautification’). Fact: Well, if you mean Soo Ho, then I’m afraid I can’t argue. He is very pretty. But the North Korean leadership — chiefly Lim Ji Rok and Choi Soo Ryeon — are as bad, if not worse, than the ANSP/South Korean leadership. Without giving away any spoilers, calling them ‘soulless’ isn’t much of a stretch. Fiction: Snowdrop is about the pro-democratization movement and disrespects the movement. Fact: The plot of Snowdrop has nothing to do with the 5.18 Democratization Movement of May 18~27, 1980 (aka the Gwangju Uprising; the Gwangju Massacre), nor the 6.10 Democratic Movement of June 10~29, 1987 (aka the June Uprising; the June Struggle). The main historical backdrop for Snowdrop is not the pro-democratization movement, but rather the 1987 presidential election. Fiction: The protagonists’ names are taken from real-life student pro-democracy activists. Fact: The protagonists’ names were chosen by the writer for entirely unrelated reasons. Yoo Hyun Mi gave Soo Ho the last name ‘Im’ because she wanted his name to sound like ‘protector of his love’ (see above). As for Young Ro, JTBC made a public statement officially denying any connection to activist Chun Young Cho. Even so, the production company made the decision to change the name at great effort and expense in an effort to appease public concerns. Fiction: The title (Seolganghwa) is Chinese. Fact: The word ‘seolganghwa’ (雪降花・‘snow-fall-flower’) is registered by the National Arboretum of Korea. In China, the snowdrop plant is called ‘seoljeokhwa’ (雪滴花・‘snow-droplet-flower’) or ‘seolhwayeon’ (雪花蓮・‘snow-flower-lotus’) (these are, of course, the Korean pronunciations of the hanja, not the Chinese ones). The meaning behind the title is explained in the series description. Fiction: Snowdrop is financed by China. Fact: It’s true that Chinese company Tencent invested 100 billion won in JTBC STUDIO on December 29, 2020. This was after funding for the series had been secured and filming had already begun, however. More to the point, Tencent’s investment is in the form of ‘convertible preferred stocks,’ which do not provide any accompanying voting rights. This means that Tencent cannot participate in the management of JTBC STUDIO, and so naturally had no input into Snowdrop. Fiction: Snowdrop was produced by YG Entertainment (aka Jisoo’s talent agency). Fact: Snowdrop was produced by DRAMAHOUSE and JTBC STUDIOS. It has no relation to YG Entertainment. This particular rumor stems from anti-fans who were angry that Jisoo had been cast in the lead role despite having no previous (substantial) acting experience. It should be noted that, while her acting received mixed reviews during the earlier episodes, by the end of the drama, the reception was distinctly positive, with media headlines praising how she’d ‘earned her place as an actress.’

Where We Are Now

Korea Communication Standards Commission Ruling (방심위 결과)

On December 19, 2021, following the broadcast of the first two episodes, a national petition was started to cancel the drama for all of the reasons covered above, gaining over 200,000 signatures in just one day. The Blue House responded by submitting the drama to the Korean Communications Standards Commission (KCSC) for an investigation into the allegations of ‘historical distortion.’ After carefully reviewing the drama, the KCSC released the results of its investigation on March 18, 2022. The KCSC ruled as follows:

After having debated over the civil complaint that the drama broadcasted content that distorted history by depicting, among other things, an inappropriate connection between the democratization movement and North Korean agents and damaged the value of the democratization movement, we at the Special Commission of Broadcast Advisory have ruled that: Due to the fact that, among other things, it depicts the ANSP as unreasonable and laughable over the course of the entire drama, it is difficult to conclude that there was any intention to romanticize the ANSP or damage the value of the democratization movement. Due to the fact that, as dramas are creative works whose right to creative expression must be guaranteed to the greatest extent possible, while it is difficult to view it as a work that inspires public confidence in [its depiction of] history, even if its content which dramatized the period used as its background does not entirely correspond with historical fact, it is difficult to view this as a problem. Accordingly, it is difficult to conclude that content in which an ANSP agent adheres to the warrant requirements or cooperates with a Northern operative in order to protect human rights, or content which employed a protest song in a scene in which the male protagonist, who is a North Korean agent, flees, as overstepping the limits of freedom of expression in such a way as to damage the value of the democratization movement and injure the dignity and pride of the Korean people. We therefore inform you that a majority of commissioners agreed that it is impossible to consider the review regulations applicable.

See also: KCSC releases investigation results over Snowdrop “history distortion” controversy.

Legal Action

On April 8, 2022, JTBC announced that it was pursuing legal action against individuals who propagated false and damaging fabrications about Snowdrop and its stars with malicious intent on counts of slander and obstruction of business. A JTBC rep stated that:

“As we forewarned, we are currently pursuing legal action against relevant individuals for maliciously inciting negative public opinion against Snowdrop,” continuing, “From before the broadcast began, the broadcast company, the production companies, and the actors have continued to suffer extensive damages,” and explained that, “The legal suit is against the act of continuously disseminating falsehoods and baseless claims that differ entirely from the drama’s content.” He also stated that, “We pursued legal action in the hope that similar situations in which the majority of people involved suffer damages don’t continue to occur.”

You can find English coverage of this here.

While we’re on the topic, I should also mention that the claim made back in December 2021 that Jisoo had filed a lawsuit against someone for their malicious comments was itself a malicious falsehood by the person claiming to be sued. When fans with legal knowledge began pointing out that the documents pictured were fake, the post was immediately deleted.

From the Korean Fans

When I first decided to write this post, I started by reaching out to Korean fans, inviting them to share how they viewed the controversy and asking them what they would like to convey to people outside of Korea (you can find that post here). These are some of the comments I received in response:

“Please tell them that they made a controversy for the sake of controversy. Even when it became clear that there was no reason for the basis of the controversy, there are a lot of cowardly people who tried to rationalize their hasty accusations made through illogical reasoning.”

“Basically, people cursed the drama out before it had even aired, and then even when it became clear that it was all untrue, they made up every kind of reason because they didn’t want to admit they were wrong. I think that’s the biggest thing.”

“If you’re talking about the controversy, the romanticization of the ANSP is the main oneㅠㅠ. The fact that it wasn’t true was all proven as the drama aired, but there are still a lot of people being stubborn *sigh*”

“Even so, when people in their right minds found out after the fact that it was all false propaganda they found it all ridiculous.”

See also this impassioned deep-dive on Naver: [Notice] Rebuttal / The Appearance of a Real-life Arrowhead? Full Summary of all the Fabrications about Snowdrop.

“How is your censorship different from the Chun Doo Hwan regime’s censorship of popular art? Are you advocating a dictatorship?”

“Just who is doing the ‘distorting’ here?”

Final Thoughts

If you’re still skeptical, or you took nothing else away from the above, I hope that I’ve at least succeeded in convincing you to watch the drama and judge it for yourself. As I see it, the Snowdrop controversy is the result of the malicious intent of the few and the possibly well-intentioned but also poorly-informed censorship of the many. We live in a digital world saturated with clickbait taglines designed to incite outrage and discourage fact-checking. There’s also just a lot of ‘noise,’ and it’s not always easy to tell what’s true and what’s fake, especially when you have to rely on translated sources. One reason I think I found myself skeptical from the beginning is that I was familiar with the writer. The last drama I watched by Yoo Hyun Mi was Gaksital (2012), which was set during the Japanese occupation and centered around the story of a Zorro-esque folk hero’s fight for freedom from Japanese rule. By any measure, it was a drama that championed Korean identity and the Korean people’s right to self-determination. So it struck me as unlikely that the same writer would denigrate the democratization movement. If you go back and read the leaked synopsis, I think you can detect that same sentimentality towards the Korean identity in the final lines. As we’ve already established, Snowdrop isn’t about the democratization movement. And though it’s set against the backdrop of the 1987 presidential election, it’s not really about that, either. Snowdrop employs the premise of fictional North-South collusion over the 1987 presidential election to tell the story of individuals from both sides of the 38th parallel overcoming that which divides them. What defines heroes and villains isn’t their initial allegiances, but rather who is willing to overcome those divisions and who is only interested in gaining or maintaining their own power. It’s a story of two corrupt governments and the young people whose lives they trample underfoot, and it’s a story, first and foremost, of two young people, who meet and fall in love against all odds, and the lengths to which they are willing to go for the sake of that love. I’ll leave you with the words of one particularly well-spoken Korean fan I encountered:

Snowdrop is the story of people who were used and sacrificed by the tragedy of their time. A story of people who, even amidst that, struggled and held-out in order to live. And it’s a story of how, even in such tragic moments, people fall in love, form friendships, and come to understand one another, a story of people living as they have through any era, and it’s a story of our lives.

Happy watching! (bring tissues)

[loosesodamarble]

Songs for the Night and Morning Part 1

(@acacia-may I thought you might like an @ since you talk a lot about associating songs and characters. Hope you don't mind.)

Links to PART 2 and PART 3.

Here I am, back with songs by Kenshi Yonezu and their relation to Black Clover characters!

In celebration of Nacht and Morgen’s birthdays, I’ll be sharing which songs I associate with them and my explanation for why. As I did with the Faustsele and Black Bulls related songs, I’m going off the translations from this website so it’s not my own translations but my interpretations.

Now to begin with songs for Nacht!

..........

Poppin Apathy (music video): Poppin Apathy is a very pessimistic song with a “looking back” perspective on one’s life. Feels rather in character for Nacht who is stuck in the past until the events in Spade Kingdom. There’s a sense of regret, confusion, and loss in this song’s lyrics in contrast to the poppy, upbeat instrumental track. It’s reminiscent of Nacht hiding his self-loathing and projection beneath his old “holier than thou” attitude and that fake smile that could never match up to Morgen’s.

So many mistakes now, it doesn't feel worth it My head has been filled to the brim with paint…

If I can't even have clear intentions, Then I can't depend on my feelings or otherwise

Nacht sees himself as a person filled with sin, having made so many mistakes in the past that can’t be forgiven. The paint, which is a bit of imagery which comes up more in the song, I see as being symbolic of pessimism and regret. With that in mind, the lyrics say that the speaker is filled to the brim with negative thoughts. Nacht’s path in life had no real intention or goal for resolution; he wanted to atone eternally without resolving it with forgiveness from anyone.

Tell me now, about what I left unsaid; Where did those words I swallowed go? I guess someday, they'll flow with my blood, And melt away into my body…

What Nacht left unsaid was how much he cared for Morgen. He never told his brother that he loved him, that he cared. Nacht still loves Morgen very much. Although one might say that Nacht put Morgen on a pedestal. Regardless, Nacht holds Morgen in very high regard and those feelings are deeply ingrained in him. And Nacht imaging his body “melt(ing) away”… Makes me think about how Nacht was willing to let himself die during the battle in Spade (twice no less!).

I've always covered my eyes, Always done idiotic things, bringing me now to desperation

Nacht blinded himself to the good things in his life. His foolish choices to get involved with devils and worse to try summoning Lucifugus led to his misanthropic worldview and his desperation to stone for his sins. It was a hopeless desperation that he inflicted on himself. You know, before Asta and Yami knocked some sense into him.

I'm in a muddle of sputtering dregs, Smeared in vivid colors that give me a headache…

But all that doesn't really matter Now, ignorant to all that I desired, I just keep spilling out paint…

The paint imagery comes back here. Nacht’s mind is spilling out more negativity. He is drowning in his self hatred and negativity which he projects out to those around him. Nothing mattered to Nacht after losing Morgen. Not his friendship with Yami, not the squad he became a part of, not even his own life.

Tell me now, about what I left unchosen; Where did those paths I passed by lead?

Unchosen paths… It brings to mind Morgen’s dying words, of his wish to be a Magic Knight alongside Nacht. Morgen repeatedly suggested that Nacht become a knight and Nacht turned him down each time, being annoyed by it. Nacht realized too late what he could’ve had with his brother, of the bond that they could’ve had.

In the midst of such sadness, Whatever I do, as much as I cry, it does nothing - now what can I do?

My eyes open; yes, at the very least, I can understand the colors I've painted myself…

Nacht’s misery, his regret and sadness, no matter how much he punished himself, it wasn’t going to bring Morgen back. All Nacht believed he was capable was fighting for good from the shadows but not trying to be truly good or kind the way Morgen was. Because if Nacht tried to be like Morgen, it would’ve been an insult to his brother’s image/legacy. Thankfully, Nacht’s eyes were opened to the truth that he isn’t irredeemable and did have people who cared for him (his old friend Yami and Asta who didn’t really know him but still believed he deserved to live). He learned that weighing himself down the way he did was wrong. And now, he’s decided to live on as the flawed man he is.

This song’s vibes really are incredible. The song sounds upbeat at first but the lyrics are so painful. The strange vocals heard throughout the song feel like they’re there to emphasize the chaos in the mind of the singer. Pessimistic and chaotic, words I find suitable for Nacht.

Flying Swallow (guitar cover): Flying Swallow is a song that is far more empowered and hopeful in nature which doesn’t quite fit Nacht’s attitude but I find that the lyrics do connect to him in a way. It’s a song about chasing and seeking, which Nacht does in a way (a self-destructive way but that’s besides the point).

If only I just had wings, I lamented with gray before me Aspiring to those clouds, that fly along like birds

Alone at the end of the sky, where I can't catch comfort, Wound is made upon wound, and still someone is crying...

These lyrics here really strongly feels like Nacht. He sadly lamented his empty and seemingly hopeless life, symbolized by the “gray” in the first line. Nacht not only had no way to comfort himself (isolated himself from Yami and I doubt the Bremen devils could give a good pep talk) but actively refused to seek out happiness. He was hard on himself. The “wounds” spoken of are mostly emotional—all the losses in Nacht’s life—but it could be understood as physical if we’re talking about Nacht fighting in Spade (he just kept getting beat down).

In the deep of night, at the edge of morning, is where some songs echo best;

The songs that echo could be understood as something beautiful or meaningful. And for their presence to be between in the night with the morning close… There is something deeply profound in Nacht’s devotion to Morgen.

The wind was always blowing, ever since then, ever unchanging... If it's for you, I'll go anywhere at all, crossing the sky...

The wind is Nacht’s own will pushing him forward. It’s his desire to atone for his sin, his unshaking resolve to do something right even if he can’t be good. If it’s for Morgen, the memory of him, or for the sake of people who are good like Morgen, Nacht wanted to make things better. He was willing to do anything, even throw his life away.

Crawling on a path of carnage; what have I earned in exchange?

Within a raging voice, there hides a deep pain

Still wandering, in a storm, dreams still alight in my chest Like the flying birds swirling about, I'll imitate their form...

Nacht could ask himself what exactly he gained from the path of loneliness and pain that he put himself on since Morgen’s death. He hid his pain by hating everything around him that reminded him of the past, of his past self. His tumultuous thoughts about everything are the “storm.” And though not a conscious thought of his, he does need to become free like a bird and fly unfettered by his past guilt.

The wings were always flapping, headed for the future, on a journey... I trust the wind to find the right path, and just advance...

I was dreaming, carried up by the wind... Guide me, to the edge of the sky...

It’s throughout the song, but I feel like these lyrics really dig into the theme of chasing and searching which I mentioned earlier. Nacht was someone very stuck in the past—from his former attitude and mistakes and losses—but his only choice is to move forward. What is in the past was his motivation though.

I really like this song because while the lyrics are more about Nacht’s initial attitude, the hopeful tone of the instrumentation feels like it’s for his change in attitude after Spade’s battle. Nacht sought after a way to atone for bringing about Morgen’s death in a way where he would never find a resolution. But in the end, he realized that forgiveness, from others and himself, was possible. After so much misery, Nacht found hope again and this song captures that idea for me.

[eddiesshovel]

Here's a bunch of yapping about Elliott that I sent to a discord server, I added more stuff about him

(Tw for suicide, assault)

It would be EXTREMELY easy to find stuff about his life about his blog, he would share everything except for stuff that would cause people to find out who he is and where he lived (who he was however was found out after he made a post about finding out that a video of him when he was 10 was posted to a website dedicated to people suffering and he complained about it, people went out of their way to find it and would spam him with it), but he would practically post constantly and it would always be stupid and would end up making posts about his life harder to find

His blog was dedicated to just trying to be edgy and shit

He was obsessed with some random ass japanese cartoon about a nurse cat who was basically in love who was violent for like 6 years, he was still obsessed with it when he died

around the time were he ended his life his posts got a little bit more serious and would be talking about his life a bit more, nobody ever really took it seriously, it's not like anyone would know what happened to him or why he hasn't been online since 2012

He seemed to have suffered from internalized homophobia of some sort, but he was aware and accepting of the fact he's trans

A lot of people would joke about certain posts on their blog, because he would post shit like "I love [cereal brand], it is my favorite kind of cereal! I wish my mom didn't neglect me" and stuff like that but not exactly that because he doesn't really see it as neglect

He is actually considered very mature because of the fact that he had to find out how to do a lot of stuff by himself, like cooking and cleaning, doing laundry, chores like that. Doesn't mean he's good at it though

He's as smart as the average 10 year old, he tried to teach himself how to do math and stuff but he didn't understand anything and ended up giving up a couple months latrt

He had to drop out of school because 1. He was getting bullied and it seemed to be too much for him, and 2. After he got harmed in some way when walking home. His mom deemed it too unsafe for him to go to school anymore so he dropped out at 10

I don't plan on actually deciding how he was harmed when walking home, I think I'll leave it up for interpretation. I just can't come up with something, whatever happened was bad enough for him to come home covered in blood though.

Did I mention that he was practically neglected? It started when he was 11, his mom would end up coming home less and less

he has a REALLY bad mindset due to him being alone so much.

There's technically 2 versions of him! One is a normal teenage boy (you can tell it's this version because he looks more nervous and wears a black and gray striped shirt), and the other one is practically a immortal sadistic being who is a personification of his intrusive thoughts (you can tell its that version because he wears a dark gray T-shirt and a lighter gray jacket)

Thats all I'm gonna mention since it'll just be never ending if I keep going

[pridgengilmore25]

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[j-graysonlibrary]

The Xiang Chronicles: Book One Chapter 21

Title: The Xiang Chronicles: Book One

Author: Jay Grayson

Word Count: 83k

Genres: Fantasy, adventure, drama, LGBT+

Available on: my website

Synopsis: Every few centuries a hero is born—one chosen by the God Tiandi to carry out his will in the mortal realm. The Xiang. Whether it is to quell a war instigated by the forces of shadow—of Shakti herself—or whether it is the miasma that poisons the world, the Xiang is born to bring the world back into balance.

Shu Pangu Min knows what his purpose is and he does his best to fulfill it even if he doesn’t fully understand all of the details. He must travel from city to city—lord to lord—to clear out the miasma. Along the way, he is to enlist the aid of four disciples. Each is to be of a different country and each must have high resonance and deep faith.

The holy men who raised him have great confidence in his future successes and they leave him to begin his journey on his own. But, can Pangu live up to the expectations of those around him? Can he really save the land like all other Xiang before him or will his unconventional methods doom them all?

Full chapter 21 under the cut

Chapter XXI

The sand outside the city was a little more dense and packed together so it made for an excellent spot to dig. Kira and Baiya each had a shovel that they “borrowed” and two bodies lay beside them on the ground. Things had escalated a bit more than either of them intended but they relaxed knowing the other one wouldn’t tell.

Pangu, especially couldn’t know since he would feel responsible in some way for the deaths. Raine, on the other hand, would just lecture them about laws and the proper ways to do things.

That was all well and good but Kira and Baiya both knew that, with some people, you just had to take matters into your own hands. Not only had the dead men been talking about severing Pangu’s arms and selling them on the black market but they had also given Kira and Baiya a clue about others who might want to hurt the Xiang.

He wasn’t safe now just because Baiya was a disciple. There were still blood thirsty assassins and scammers about.

“So, do you play cards?” Kira asked as he tossed some dirt to the side. The first layer of earth had been sand but, underneath it, there was some sturdier dirt. He only slightly worried about the discoloration being apparent when they filled the hole but there were also some lovely rocks in the distance that he could bring over and cover the grave with.

Baiya drove his shovel into the ground, making good progress. “I do.”

“Does Agni have separate rules?” Kira glanced up at him.

“Than Terra? Yes. The zeros are high in our games.”

He nodded and then smirked. “Good to know.”

Baiya raised an eyebrow as he continued to dig. “Are you planning on getting money by playing? There are stricter consequences here if you get caught cheating.”

“Get caught,” Kira scoffed, “I never get caught.”

The other man laughed. “Alright. Well, if we dig faster then we can make it back to the inn and see if anyone wants to play.”

Kira nodded in agreement and then stopped moving with his shovel midway to the dirt. He threw it down as a thought occurred to him which made him almost violently angry with himself.

“I’m an idiot,” he groaned before he used his energies to break the earth open, making a perfect grave ditch in two seconds.

Baiya dropped his shovel and looked at him, appalled. “Are you serious? You could have done that the entire time?”

“I didn’t think about it!” Kira replied and rubbed his forehead, “You could have thought of it too, by the way.”

“I don’t know what all your abilities can do,” Baiya countered, “This is completely on you.”

“I was distracted, okay?” he huffed then turned to the bodies. “Just help me get these in here.”

Baiya continued to grumble unintelligibly as he rolled a body into the ground. Kira followed after him and they both looked at the hole.

“Can you fill it on your own or do we need to use the shovels again?”

“I can do it,” Kira said before dragging all of the dirt back and filling the hole. He was even able to move the dirt and sand around to make it look as if the earth had never been disturbed at all.

Baiya’s brow rose in approval. “Nice.”

“Now, let’s go.”

The two headed back to the inn but they didn’t get far before they noticed Pangu and Raine walking around outside.

“Shit, act casual,” Kira hissed under his breath.

Both he and Baiya leaned back against the stone fence surrounding the town, resting an elbow on the side. A forced smile stretched across their faces as the Xiang and first disciple approached them.

“Hey, what are you two doing out so late?” Baiya asked.

“We could ask the same of you,” Raine said and quirked one eyebrow.

“You hadn’t been back so we were worried,” Pangu explained.

“We’d been chatting at the bar,” Kira replied and glanced to Baiya, “Then I found out the hard way that liquor in Agni is stronger than what I’m used to so we went outside so I could, you know, empty out my system. Baiya even held my hair back for me. He’s such a gentleman.”

Pangu looked between them, slightly surprised. “You two were spending time together?”

“Yep.” Kira smiled. “We’re friends now.”

Baiya gave him a look but didn’t add anything.  Both Pangu and Raine seemed too tired and confused to question them further as well.

“Well…good…” the Xiang said and shrugged a little. He glanced to Raine. “Let’s go back to bed.”

“Get some rest before tomorrow,” Baiya responded, “Kira and I are going to stay up for a little longer. Sober up some.”

The two waved a little and returned to the inn. Kira and Baiya followed but at a slower pace. They glanced at each other, having a silent conversation about their next move.

In the morning, they were twice as rich in gold and ready for the ceremony.

Baiya had seen Pangu’s dance a couple of times now and, even if Kira hadn’t pointed it out, he would have noticed that they were different every time. He wondered what kind of dance the Xiang had in store for everyone today.

He stood on the other side of Kira who was between him and Raine. The town was relatively small so there was not a huge turnout for the ceremony but everyone who could be there was there.

Cheering started as soon as Pangu walked to the center and bowed. He reached his hand out before twirling in place and officially starting the dance.

He did have a few moves that he repeated often but they were almost never in the same order or with the same intensity. Baiya watched with a smile as the Xiang entertained the citizens to the best of his abilities. The dance clearly wasn’t necessary to clear out the miasma—it was for the crowd.

But the miasma did get cleared in the meantime. Feeling the heavy and murky sensation leave the air was perhaps the most fascinating part, Baiya had found.

With the town clear and happy, they restocked their supplies and moved on.

Cidney was the next stop and it was visible from a distance. The capital of the Xia territory was built into the side of a mountain and had huge and ornate gold towers that reached to the sky.

Shockingly, there wasn’t much miasma there—no more than anywhere else in Agni at least and definitely not to the extent of Xiao.

There were, however, more criminals lurking about, wishing to strike down Pangu or hurt him so, while Pangu did not have much to do in the capital city save wait for an audience with the Lord, Kira and Baiya were very busy on their own.

A couple of bounty hunters, an assassin, and a sketchy con artist all had to be removed. Luckily, the city was rich with holes already—whether in the form of wells or openings into the sewer system that ran beneath the city.

When they weren’t dealing with snuffing out criminals who wished to attack the Xiang or attempting to find the one in charge of all the sordid types, they were at a bar, getting more money.

Pangu noticed the large amount of time that the two had been spending together but he saw it as a good thing. Only Raine was slightly worried but he was too busy guarding the Xiang on his trip to see Cid Xun Gupta, the lord of Cidney, that he barely had the time to think about it.

Like much of the city, the castle was carved into the side of the mountain. The thresholds of the building—even leading to the throne room were completely bare. It allowed a cool current to pass through which almost made Pangu forget that he was in Agni.

At the back of the throne room sat Cid Xun Gupta in a long white and gold robe. He wore a head wrap that was red which matched a sash tied on his waist. His skin was dark and he had sparse facial hair that he stroked in a pensive fashion.

“Phay and I do not agree on many things but she informed me of your arrival in Agni. She said you saved Xiao city with little effort.” Lord Xun leaned forward in his throne.

“I…yes. It was not an easy task but we did help the city,” Pangu responded, feeling nervous under the man’s stare. “There is not an excess of miasma here but I would still like to hold a ceremony and cleanse the air if you would allow it.”

Raine looked from the Xiang to the lord. For once, he wasn’t sure they would get the approval for a ceremony. It was already an anomaly that they’d had to wait two days to have a meeting with the man.

“While I do not believe the miasma is a great threat to my city, I have been informed that some of my citizens feel…uneasy due to the presence of it. Having you perform your purifying ritual may ease their concerns and give them the peace they seek. Even if there is no real correlation.”

Pangu nodded. “I appreciate your cooperation, Lord Cid Xun Gupta.”

The man waved his hand limply. “Come back here this evening. I will have some preparations for you by then.”

He nodded before giving the proper Agni bow and dismissing himself. Raine followed behind him with a frown. While he hadn’t been speaking, he had been thinking about Kira and Baiya—coming up with theories as to why they had opted to be absent for this particular meeting.

 “Do you think Baiya knows the Lord here and that is why he is not with us? And Kira is helping him avoid other people he knows in the capital?”

Pangu pursed his lips and then shrugged. “That is possible. And, in that case, we can just let them continue. I do enjoy the fact that they are bonding so…”

“I wonder what they are bonding over,” Raine mused aloud, “What do they have in common?”

“They both used to be in the military,” Pangu offered, “Maybe they’re sharing grievances.”

“Then I suppose that would explain why they do not want me involved in those conversations,” Raine said, nodding slightly.

“Aw,” the Xiang cooed and patted the man on the arm, “Are you feeling left out, Raine?”

“Slightly,” he admitted, “But that is not my only concern, I assure you.”

“What else is there?”

“How are they getting all of this money?” Raine frowned and looked down at him. “I am aware Kira can play cards but has that been all that they are doing?”

“Are you forming conspiracy theories now?” he questioned and laughed.

“I am simply concerned that they are getting into trouble. Or hiding secrets from us.”

Pangu shook his head. “No one is hiding anything,” he said despite the fact he certainly was.

So far, Kira had not reacted too badly to the miasma they had cleared on the way. Nothing had been as difficult as Xiao so, as long as there was less miasma, Pangu was hopeful it wouldn’t hurt his second disciple too badly and that they could keep it a secret for as long as they needed.

***

“I thought you knew this lady?” Kira asked as he followed Baiya into a bar in the downtown area. The buildings were crammed together and people hurried along with their belongings held close to their bodies. It was not a novel sight to either of them.

“Not well,” the man responded as he looked back and held open the curtain that separated the lounge from the bar. Once Kira was through, he let his arm drop. “I did a job for her before but it was all contracted through my old boss.”

“The guy I killed?”

“Yes…the guy you killed.” Baiya shook his head. “I met her once when I was in full Angimara gear so she should not recognize me like this.”

“Good. We can trick her easier then.” Kira grinned.

“That last mercenary said she should be here….” The Agni disciple hummed as he surveyed the lounge. Plenty of groups were drinking and discussing “business” together. Shifty eyes traveled to them while whispers started to grow louder,

Baiya ignored the noise and the stares and focused solely on finding his target. His attention went to the back corner where he saw a robed woman sitting with two young women and a man. He couldn’t see her face well from his current distance so he couldn’t be sure if it was the same woman but her posture and aura looked right.

With a small nudge to Kira, they walked over. He then let the second disciple take the lead.

“Are you Ishtar?” Kira opened with while nervously fidgeting with his hands as if to act shy.

The woman looked up at them and Baiya was now sure it was her. Ishtar. Similar to Kira, she abandoned her family name and only went by her own given name. She was probably around her thirties but part of her mystique was that no one really knew how old she was or how long she had been running her criminal enterprise. Everything was based on rumors.

Her eyes were a bright blue and her skin was quite pale. Dark hair peaked out from under her hood but remained mostly tucked away. She wore dark makeup around her eyes and on her lips. The color matched her nails as well as most of her robes.

“Yes?” She cocked her head to the side. “Who might you be?”

The two women on either side of her stared at Baiya and Kira with unblinking eyes while the man kept his head down and nursed his drink. It was clear they’d interrupted something but Baiya couldn’t make any guesses as to what.

“My name is Kira. This is my associate Yang.” He pointed to Baiya. “We heard through a chain of bar gossip that you were giving out rewards for capturing the Xiang.”

“Unless you have him with you, I would rather not continue this conversation.” Ishtar removed her arm from around one of the women and took her drink into her hand.

“We have him meeting us tonight,” Kira stated, “He’s very easy to trick, actually. We just told him we needed help with getting miasma out of Yang and he said he would do whatever it took.”

Baiya nodded along with the story but didn’t add anything. He’d always used a different voice as Agnimara but for the sake of safety, he figured it would be best if he didn’t speak.

“Poor Yang lost his voice to the miasma but the Xiang offered to heal him,” Kira said, clearly catching onto his intent. He put his hands on Baiya’s shoulders and sighed. “So, if you want to take him down yourself, you can meet him with us. What say you to that?”

Ishtar quirked an eyebrow and looked between them again. “You can guarantee he will be there?”

“Without a single doubt in my heart, my lady.” He smirked.

After a moment of silence, she sighed. “Well I will be there then.”

Kira’s lies were as masterful as always, Baiya thought but wouldn’t dare say aloud. He just gave him a curt nod and left with him after giving Ishtar the meeting spot.

All that was left was to follow through and see her later. They checked in on Pangu and Raine, making sure they wouldn’t be anywhere near the meet up. When asked what they were up to, Baiya let Kira spill all of the lies for the both of them.

Just before nightfall, they headed out to the mostly vacant lot. Up on the roof, they waited until Ishtar arrived with a small troop of men. Either she always traveled with a miniature army or she expected a trap.

Kira and Baiya exchanged looks before they both stared her down. “You suspected I was lying?” Kira asked.

“I am always cautious,” the woman rebutted and crossed her arms. “Am I to assume there is no Xiang then?”

“No,” Baiya answered, “And you will never lay a finger on him.”

To emphasize his point, Kira shot part of the roof up and skewered some of Ishtar’s men. He threw a couple of knives out at them while the panic and confusion took over.

“The disciples!?” Ishtar clicked her tongue and looked around wildly for an exit.

Baiya lit one of her men on fire before grabbing her and forcing her to her knees. He took a handful of her hair in one hand while he pressed his blade to her neck. From her position she was forced to watch Kira kill every last one of her men.

“Now,” Baiya said and yanked her back further, “You will not chase after the Xiang, nor will you allow anyone else within your underground networks to seek him out. If we see you or your men or if we so much as hear word that you are trying to hurt the Xiang, we will come back for you and kill you without hesitation. Are we clear, Ishtar?”

“Why not kill her now and save us the trouble?” Kira asked and put his hands on his hips. He was more than ready to take the entire cell out.

“Someone could jump into her position and do exactly what she is doing now,” Baiya explained, “If she takes this threat seriously and backs off of Pangu then we will have fewer problems.”

“Sure you just don’t want to kill on the off chance Pangu finds out?” the other man challenged.

Even if it was true that he wanted to do better for Pangu’s sake, he still believed this was the best way. “This is smarter,” Baiya insisted, “So long as Ishtar cooperates.”

The woman bared her teeth but conceded, “I will tell my men to stop searching for the Xiang. The bounty is off.”

Kira glared down at her, not convinced in the slightest. But, like Baiya said, if they caught wind of her going back on her word, they could kill her then.

The Agni disciple released her and backed away. He set his weapon back on his hip and watched her carefully as she collected herself and fled from the scene.

“I hope that’s the last we see of her,” Kira mumbled.

The two disposed of the bodies of Ishtar’s men before returning to the inn. There, they found Pangu and Raine in one of the rooms, both sitting on the ground and playing a game of cards. Raine’s expression was more serious than usual and Pangu seemed to be holding back a laugh.

“What are you two doing?” Kira asked.

“If I learn how to play like you then I could acquire money as well so you and Baiya do not have to do all of the work,” Raine stated as he reached out for the deck only to have a card slip from under his armor. “Curses…”

Everyone laughed but Baiya collected himself the quickest. “That is not in your character at all, Raine.”

“He mostly just wants to be able to beat Kira in a match,” Pangu stated which earned him a gawking reaction from his first disciple.

“Pangu!”

“What? It’s true.” The Xiang chuckled before revealing his hand to show he’d won the round.

Raine hung his head and Kira walked over to pat him on the shoulder. “If you can’t win against our dear Xiang, you will never stand a chance against me.”

[pleb-the-original]

Day 5: MS Paint

(Ok so this one is actually really special and honestly my favorite creation so far. I went with the sparkledog route since it fit the idea of something really garish. I used some generators to create her, but after writing her story I fell in love. I dunno what it is but once I wrote her entry she just stayed in my mind. So now I have a new fursona: Hecrie the living digital art piece.)

Name: Hecrie Species: Dog Personality: Approachable and talkative but needs a lot of time to open up due to shyness. Obsessive. Acts like a tumblr user. Very steeped in fandom culture. Creative. Has a slight temper. Neurodivergent coded. A little clingy. Childlike. Summary: Somewhere on an old computer lied a drawing of a young teen’s oc. They were a sparkledog named Hecrie. She had yellow medium length fur, rainbow paint splatters, thick orange stripes, aqua paw pads and nose, a green mouth, green blood, narrow rainbow eyes that dotted her face, and floating wings that hovered above her back. She also wore cyberpunk style clothes. Specifically a leather jacket with copper studs and rainbow accents and a pair of sunglasses that displayed holographic messages that covered a few of her eyes. The innocent love and care poured into her creation would actually bring her to life, although she only woke up after the teen had grown up and decided to abandon their old passions. That’s when Hecrie managed to escape into the wider internet by crawling out of her file and hopping into the cloud. Now she was connected to the modern internet and fell in love. She also inherited the interests of the teen, specifically browser based pet games and horror media. Now she just surfs the web, creating accounts on sites relevant to her interests masquerading as a normal human user. Unlike the human users however, she can actually coexist with the elements of a website since she is a digital creature herself. She likes to actually play with her online pets like a real person. She also loves to read creepypastas and online horror, both old and new. This extends to actually hopping into fan art made by others to admire their work, although she does so when their creators aren’t looking. She has made a lot of friends across several internet communities, engaging and indulging in fandom content. Hecrie also has an interest in creating their own content, although she has to do so carefully by sneaking into other computers and using their programs since she cannot write or draw on her own. Despite her friendships with others, she is terrified of people discovering her true existence, especially after reading tons of horror stories about rogue AI clouding her idea of what humans would think of a living digital program. However, she has pegged some people as hopefully someday being able to accept the truth, those being the ones she is closest too to the point of clinginess. She hates the idea of being abandoned again and gets angry when the thought is brought up of abandoning something. She has even learned how to steal files and content from people so she can save them from abandonment, although none of them have come to life like her. But she still clings onto the hope of finding someone she can consider a true friend.

[tears-of-boredom]

watching deadly class and god damn thats an identical white boy. just like the other ones. this one gets beaten to a bloody mess more often though. and Saya's name is really god damn close to mine and one time someone pronounced it a bit weird and i got a bit surprised.

tbh im on ep 7 and im kinda losing interest in the plot. ill watch for the bloody dudes though. but this series is definetly not helping me with my temptation for smoking.

yeah im ten minutes into this episode and its really fucking boring. i mean like the villains hot and all but i like do not care for these people enough for this. im just honestly waiting until eveyone gets all bloody again. tbh i was readying myself for boring teen shit cuz of stuff ive seen from the fandom, but i guess i was preparing for the wrong kind of boring lol. i mean uhh marco?? what the fucks even the main guys name lmaooo. im really hoping he dies in a bloody mess cuz the breed of white guy he is looks really good when literally on the brink of death and covered in blood.

anyways yeah im giving up at uhh 27:16 of episode seven. and spoilers sorry but so im watching this on some website for free and i think episode 5 was somehow cut short, because i did not see like chico dying. like any of that scene. i just had to piece everything together from the "previously on deadly class" half minute of episode 6. it doesnt really matter anyways but its kinda funny. also in the pilot when marco tried to kill himself im pretty sure i thought "do it you pussy" and i laughed about that for a solid minute. and at another point i think it was something,, basically just an intrusive thought came related to the scene i was watching, and i laughed about that as well for some time because it was like a horrible thing to think if i actually meant it. shame i dont remember it cuz i bet it was real funny. oh and i was also thinking about the like villain dude, chester i think? i was thinking whether or not the burn scar was prosthetic and im gonna look it up now.

aw man it is prosthethic. idk what i was hoping for tbh, i was just thinking that itd probably be easier to just get an actor that has a burn scar than do all that make up, espec since all the flash backs back to when he doesnt have them are animated, so you wouldnt have like that problem either.

but hey, at least now i know the vibe and basic premise of this show so i can read any fics i happen to stumble upon. that is literally like, top 5 reasons im watching all this shit: so i can read more fics and make sure that im not missing out on shit. thats why i thought this was gonna a be a bit more of a light show, cuz all the fandom shit seemed to be just teens, but its not like im that surprised that teenagers are writing fics about mentally ill trained killers like come on. thats like peak YA shit. also i kinda disliked marco at the beginning cuz he was talking a bit too harshly about "the scizos", but then he had that communist awakening and i kinda like him now. oh and you can call me a snowflake all you want but the word " the r word gets thrown around a bit too lightly for my taste. not rape, the other one.

oh actually i think the intrusive thought i had was something about viktor being gay or something. like way before marco said it. and im really trying to stop calling people gay for looking a bit too hard at someone. or maybe it wasnt that cuz i think viktor was saying some shit about sucking dick and if thats true then i had the full right to call his ass gay in my thoughts.

and before i go,, i fucking love billy. lord knows if i was in that school i would be so fucking whipped for that boy like oh my god. id def be a rat too. and im gonna stop here before i create a deadly class self-insert oc in my head cuz i really dont like this series that much. but billy is so fucking, uhhhh,,,,, well i was gonna say hot cuz thats like the word i use for attractive people usually, but i honestly wouldnt really call him hot.....ummm i mean id say cute if it didnt sound so patronising and infantalising......okay whatever he's attractive and honestly id call him hot if i even got eye contact form him back so...no actually i think just being in his vicinity would be enough....yeah my standards are like so low to the ground, you could manipulate me so fucking easily cuz my nerves would be too shot out the whole time to even register anything. and afterwards id be thinking "no im so aware of myself id know if i was being manipulated". also i already dont trust myself so you could gaslight me real easy as well. i mean id probably kill you if you went too hard with it cuz sometimes i get a bit in my head when frustrated, but honestly my weak ass would be brought down with the promise of like,, a hug. i am really fucking starved of attention and tenderness and literally everything that parents are supposed to give you and i dont have the strength to be in denial about that. i literally started crying when my sister shared an experience with me that i fully related to.

LMAO WHAT THE FUCK DID THIS POST TURN INTO IM SORRY ITS LITERALLY 5:05AM AND WATCHING MOVIES AND SHIT ALWAYS PUTS ME IN A MOOD. well,, i was gonna tag this as "i experienced media" but after this fucking text wall of rambling on i dont think it fits that anymore.

[secretlyatargaryen]

There was a post I read on this website a while ago about The Darkangel by Meredith Ann Pierce. The post was making the rounds and was fairly popular, I think, and touted the book as an example of an actually good YA vampire/enemies to lovers romance, but I can’t for the life of me find the post.

Anyway, I just finished the book, and I have thoughts.

Trying to find the post online, I found a few articles that talked about the book being problematic~ for its dated romance, and like, okay, I can kind of see that. Aeriel’s goal throughout most of the book is to kill the Darkangel but she also keeps thinking about how she doesn’t want to because he’s ~so beautiful~, but it doesn’t really feel like she’s romanticizing him, necessarily, or romanticizing a bad relationship, because she doesn’t really have a relationship with him. For most of the book, they barely interact, and she thinks about how he’s pretty but also evil, and her desire throughout the book is mostly to save the souls of his “wives”, women whose blood and souls he has stolen who are now undead wraiths (Hi, Bram Stoker). By the way, this book is beautifully written and wonderfully creepy, even if it took me a bit to get used to all the extryme fantysy spellying - the darkangel is not a vampire, but a vampyre - and the 80s science fantasy worldbuilding. But I’m into it.

The story feels less like a vampire romance novel, though, and more like a fairytale, having more in common with Beauty and the Beast or the various enchanted husband tales than with Twilight. Aerial does say she “loves” the darkangel at the end of the book, but that’s after he’s at her mercy and she gets to choose whether to end his life or turn him back into the boy he was before he was turned into a vampire by the witch who kidnapped him as a child. By that time, Aerial is no longer enthralled by his glamor, and has already defeated the darkangel and saved the souls of his wives. The “love” feels less like romance, and more like compassion for someone who she recognizes was also a victim. I think it does move into romance later on (there are two more books in the series), but Aerial never puts up with abuse from him while thinking she can change him or that things will get better. The idea that he can be saved is teased throughout the series - and advertised on the back cover snippet - but there’s never a “oh he’s not that bad” moment.

In fact, a criticism I saw when I was trying to find that tumblr post, which I agree with, is that it’s hard to believe in the darkangel’s “spark of goodness” that is advertised in the cover snippet. Before he’s turned back at the end of the book, he doesn’t seem good at all. He kidnaps Aerial and insults her, feels only contempt for the women he’s turned into wraiths, tortures small animals for fun, and wants to subjugate the world, which he can only do once he finds his fourteenth wife. The “spark of good” seems to be based on the fact that we learn that he was once a human boy, which doesn’t actually make him good. It just makes us feel sorry for him. Oh, also, he has bad dreams, which is a hint that he is tormented by what he has been turned into. Which again, doesn’t make him good, but it does make him a victim in some respects. I could be bounded in a nutshell and count myself a king of infinite space, remarks Hamlet, were it not that I have bad dreams. Also the witch who kidnapped him when he was six is described as his “mother and lover” which...yeah. Even if we take this metaphorically, it’s. Something.

But the book doesn’t really need you to believe that the vampire is good, because at the end his behavior is chalked up to him being enchanted by the witch. Once he’s no longer a vampire he doesn’t seem at all interested in breaking the wings off bats, so there’s that. He also feels really, really guilty about murdering thirteen women. So I don’t know if we’re supposed to think that he deserved to be saved because he had good in him, or if he deserved to be saved because he was enchanted and he totally didn’t mean all that stuff he did as a vampire, or vampyre. I’m not sure if there’s a difference, which the book also seems interested in addressing, so I do want to see how the next two books deal with the fallout. It’s just kind of a disappointment that I was promised a story about a character changing from evil to good and what it ended up being was “it was all magic, actually.” The darkangel, while a powerful figure for most of the book, ends up the character with the least amount of agency, narrative-wise. But that might not actually be a bad thing, if you’re looking for a story with an empowered heroine.

This book also shares some similarities with Deathless, which I probably would have enjoyed more if it weren’t as beloved on tumblr by the weaponized femininity crowd years ago. I still cringe at remembering Cersei stans using that “you are a demon like me and do not care if other girls have suffered” quote as a feminist beacon for “dark romance”. In contrast, Aerial cares about the darkangel’s pitiful, horrible wives and there’s a fabulous scene where they get to tell him off, after Aerial poisons him on her wedding night to him.

Swiftly, silently, they fleeted from the shadows, the folds of the bed-curtains, the seams of the walls. The icarus’ hand went suddenly limp; Aerial saw him start. She slipped free of him as the wraiths surrounded him, stood ringed about him, keeping him from Aerial. The vampyre cried at the sight of them, threw up his arms as if to ward them away.

“What are you doing here, my wives?” he cried. “You are so hideous to look at. Keep off!”

The wraiths drifted in a slow circle around him. “We will not keep off,” they said. “You have chosen us, and we are yours.” 

Damn. 

I’ve ordered the other two books in the series, but the third one is coming tomorrow, before the second one gets here. That’s what you get with free shipping, I guess.

[joyffree]

In Chaos We Reign, an addictive and must-read dark romance from Wall Street Journal bestselling author Amo Jones is coming August 14th, and we have the incredible cover!

I was the trick that they could never play.

She was the greatest game of all…

There was elegance that comes from being carved from the ashes of all the darkness that surrounds you in the world. You start as dust, and you end as dust. At least that’s what I always thought. Crowned Princess Mayhem all my life became old fast, and I found myself forging my iron crown with the blood of our enemies.

To The Brothers of Kiznitch, I was nothing but a little brat that always got my way. I was the sister none of them asked for, but they’d find themselves needing. He was no different. Loving Keaton Cicero was never going to be easy. There was evil within him that would never be accepted.

They thought their over-protectiveness had kept me safe all these years, but they were wrong. Everything they thought they knew, was about to burn around them. I wasn’t someone who needed protecting…

They were.

In Chaos We Reign can be read as a stand-alone, but it is recommended to read In Silence She Screams first to better understand some story points.

In Chaos We Reign will be a live release!

Add IN CHAOS WE REIGN to Goodreads: https://bit.ly/3vNfjB2

Cover Designer: By Hang Le

Meet Amo Jones

Amo Jones is a USA Today & Wall Street Journal Bestselling Author whose books have been translated in multiple countries.

She resides in the tropics of Australia with her family, though she's a born and bred Kiwi who more often than not, misses New Zealand.

Connect with Amo

Facebook: https://bit.ly/3wgiYXa Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TZPWNh Website: https://bit.ly/3izUGDC

Join the Wolf Pack: https://bit.ly/3izUt3i

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