#I told a friend that I’d probably leave a detailed post explaining my absence

[ghosts-and-blue-sweaters]

*peeks out from under blankets* Hi.

So *claps hands together* school has been crazy as heck, and has kept me pretty busy lately. I’m not too sure how active I’ll be in the near future, and I probably won’t be checking my dashboard as much. If there’s a post any of y’all want me to see, tagging me/sending me the link to it would be great, because there’s a chance I just… won’t see it otherwise XD

With whumptober just around the corner, I’m pleased to announce that I WILL ACTUALLY BE POSTING STORIES THROUGHOUT THE EVENT!!! Some stories, at least. I didn’t end up writing too many, much to my annoyance.

But yes, I’m back and ready to cause Chaos >:)

[illfoandillfie]

Maybe a ben POV one? where bens off on a movie shoot and misses you and wants to fly you out to him but he’s worried it’s too much of a “romantic gesture” like in movies so he doesn’t want to weird you out but then on the phone you say how much you miss him too so he gathers the nerve to ask you and you’re like duh ofc I’ll come you dork (im envisioning this still kinda early in the qpr maybe right after platonically or smth)

Thank you so much babe!!

This is the second of the blurbs for my Platonically themed event! This one follows directly on from the one I posted yesterday so maybe read it first.

Words: 1,759

Warnings: just two idiots being dummies. Minor references to sex and probably some swearing but that's about it.

Reflecting on the situation, Ben had come to the conclusion that it was the perfect time to be in Greece. The run of beautiful weather they’d had over the course of the last month must have set some sort of record, he thought. Every day was blue skies, white fluffy clouds, and the sort of heat that was comfortable and not overly sticky. It made working a dream, especially when half the film seemed to take place on the beach. The sand was warm under his feet and the water clear and cool. They didn’t have much down time since the studio was pushing for it to be finished ASAP so they could release it at the optimal time, but the few days off they did get, Ben spent either fishing with some of the crew or else exploring the picturesque town they were in. There was just one downside. You weren’t with him.

Whenever the thought crossed his mind, whenever he really started to miss you, he’d remind himself that he loved his job, loved that it took him to exciting and beautiful places. And then he’d send you a quick message to check how everything was back home. He called too, mostly in the evenings after he got back to his hotel room. But the deeper into the project he got the more night shoots there were and the later he got back to his room. What brief conversations you had were good but not quite the same as if you’d been there with him. Of course, he’d try to remind himself that it wasn’t like he’d never been away from you before. But those times had all been before you got together, and the changed nature of the relationship made him feel your absence more. He never said that to you though. Mostly, when you could talk, Ben would ask how you were and talk about the exciting things he saw. He’d tell you about the beaches or the trinket shops and say how much you’d like them but he’d never tell you exactly how badly he wished you were with him. He didn’t want you to take it the wrong way and he didn’t trust himself to explain it properly. Whenever he tried to verbalise it (quietly, to his reflection or the dark hotel room he was staying in) he worried it came out too...well, romantic.

The truth was, he’d always been attached to you, since very early on in your relationship. You just got him. His sense of humour and his personality and the way he thought. It took him no time at all to start referring to you as one of his best friends and it was a title you’d held for years. But then he’d realised the way he liked you wasn’t strictly platonic, and it made him feel weird around you. More uncertain than he was used to. He found it hard to describe the relief he’d felt when you agreed to think about his QPR idea or how, when you’d accepted, it had alleviated the uncertainty and doubts that had been plaguing him. To you it would probably sound sappy and sentimental and tat all what you wanted to hear from him. Of course the QPR was really just an extension of your friendship. More or less the same, just a few new ways to show affection like kissing and getting you off (both things Ben greatly enjoyed), and a few new words that made it specific to the two of you. And maybe a new future too, depending on how things went. But again, while he might think those sorts of thoughts, he wouldn’t know how to begin saying any of them to you. Because he was starting to really want that future with you, and saying so might make it impossible to get there.

So Ben allowed himself to miss you quietly. Occasionally an idea of inviting you to join him would pop into his head. But he always let the thought go as quickly as it came. The weeks ticked by like that. Texting when you could between scenes and less and less frequent calls at night, which left Ben’s head swimming with lots of unsaid things. Progress was made on the movie too, most of the beach scenes wrapped and everyone moving to other parts of the script. Until everything came to a screeching halt. Ben wasn’t entirely sure what the problem was – something to do with scheduling conflicts or maybe special equipment that hadn’t arrived on time. All he was told was that things would be back up and running soon but it might take an extra few weeks to complete the project. He didn’t mind so much, it gave him a bit of extra free time after all, but it also meant he wouldn’t get to see you again for a while.

The possibility of flying you out to Greece to join him had been rattling around his brain since his third week on set. You could spend a couple of weeks, maybe a month, together. He could take you to that restaurant he’d sent you photos of and show you the handmade stationery shop he’d stumbled across that he knew you’d have fun exploring. And then there was the rest of the town, thin streets to get lost in together and beautiful views to look out over. Maybe you’d like to walk along the beach with him and collect seashells or rent a little dingy to take out on the waves. Once or twice he’d come close to actually asking you to join him but he always talked himself out of it, sure it would be crossing a line for you. Missing you was one thing but offering to buy you a plane ticket and whisk you off on a getaway to a gorgeous Greek island was surely too romantic. But the news of the delay made him consider it again.

That night he called you, smiling as soon as he heard your voice. At first the call was like any other. He listened to you talk about what had been going on since he last had a chance to call, getting caught up on your mutual friends and your work and whatever else came to mind. “But what about you?” you finally said, “You must be pretty busy since I haven’t had a call from you in a little while.” “Well I was busy except not so much right now,” “Oh?” “There’s some sort of delay, I don’t the details. But it looks like I’ll be here for another few weeks at least.” “Oh.” Ben was a little surprised by how disappointed you sounded. “I really miss you,” “I miss you too,” his voice got softer as he said it, “a lot.” “I really wish I could see you,” “Well,” he said sheepishly, hoping he wasn’t reading things wrong, “how would you feel about coming out here then? I can get you a plane ticket if you want.” “No shit! You can do that? You won’t like, get in trouble or anything?” Ben laughed, not quite understanding, “What are you talking about?” “I don’t know man, I’m not an actor. I just figured it’d be like a partner free zone. Like they wouldn’t want you getting distracted or whatever.” “You fucking dork,” his laughter threatened to obscure the words but he managed to make himself heard, “That’s not how it is at all. You being here wouldn’t be a problem, as long as I’m on set when they need me. Plus it looks like we’re about to have a whole lot of downtime anyway. So does that mean you wanna come?” “Ummm let me think abo- of course Ben!” “Well if I’d known you’d react like this I would have asked sooner,” The laughter had faded, leaving a grin on his face, though the embarrassment at his hesitancy was creeping up too. “Wish you had’ve. Why didn’t you?” “I just didn’t want you to take it the wrong way,” “And what way would that be?” “A romantic way? I don’t know! It’s just the sort of thing that’d happen in a romantic movie or whatever and I didn’t want to come across like that. It’s Greece man, it’s kind of a romantic place. Maybe not like Paris but it’s up there. Don’t laugh,” he groaned, “I’m just saying, white sands and clear seas and lots of pretty flowers in bloom, it’s definitely got romantic vibes.” “It didn’t even cross my mind that it might be that sort of thing. No offence to Greece, I’m sure it’s lovely.” Ben let himself chuckle at his idiocy, “I guess cause I’ve like, y’know, got feelings for you or whatever I saw the romantic side and assumed you would too. Feel silly for not just asking you but I’m glad we have that sorted now.” “I think it’s sweet, Ben. I love that you were conscious of how it might be perceived and I understand you didn’t want to hurt me. But yeah, dude, please get me that ticket, I miss you a stupid amount.” “Alright, I’m on it. When do you want to leave?”

Two days later and Ben was content, sitting and staring out at the waves on a quiet beach as you rubbed sunscreen into his back. He’d greeted you at the airport, feeling ridiculously excited to see you, squeezing you in a tight hug (which you later suggested had cracked one of your ribs). “Okay, all done, now let me do your front,” you shuffled around Ben on your knees, throwing a leg over his lap as he leaned back on his palms. “You’re such a perv,” Ben chuckled, subtly adjusting his posture to push his chest further towards you, “I bet you only suggested sunscreen so you could feel my boobs.” “Oh you caught me,” you squirted some more of the cream directly onto his chest, beginning to rub it in, “Definitely nothing to do with sun safety.” “No I get it, you don’t need to lie to me. You missed my pecks. It’s totally natural. But let me know when you’re done so I can show you the same courtesy.” "Think we might save that till we get back to the hotel, Benny,”  Ben laughed at your exasperated expression, raising one arm to pull you toward him for a kiss, barely noticing the cool of the cream still on your palm as you cupped his cheek and kissed him back.

[travllingbunny]

The 100: 7x01 From the Ashes

Disclaimer: This post is about the episode of the show The 100, From the Ashes, the season 7 premiere, and only about it.  In this post, I will NOT be discussing any original scripts, unused takes, bloopers, behind the scene photos or videos, scribbled notes exchanged between the writers, or any  tweets, Instagram posts, SMS or e-mails by any of the cast or crew members,  considering the fact that none of those things constitute the  show’s canon, which consists of the actual episodes.

I will also not be discussing anything about the future episodes posted by any ‘spoiler accounts’, and, in fact, I am unaware of most of these things, since I’m trying not to read any spoilers. Please do not tell me any spoilers for future episodes or ask me about them.

I really enjoyed this episode, in spite of the unfortunate lack of Bellamy (which I was already expecting since what happens to him here was already spoiled by the trailer. Of course, I’m looking forward to see Bellamy again, and, before that, to everyone finding out about disappearance and it becoming the focus of the season. But until then, the show has quite a few other storylines to deal with, from setting up and delving more into the Anomaly mystery, to dealing with the fall-out of season 6 in Sanctum, and both of these were handled well, for the most part.

This episode in particular had really good characterizations all around - for Murphy, Echo, Indra, Madi, Raven, Emori, Gaia, even Jackson - and, of course, Clarke, who had an arc that took her tendency to try to repress her feelings to an extreme, until they exploded in a most memorable way. It will cause her trouble, no doubt, but it was great to watch, and something I had been wishing for for quite some time. 

There is just one character whose storyline I’m still not sure how I feel about, because I’m not sure what the show is doing with him. 

After the last season’s cliffhanger, there was some concern in the fandom that Bellamy would regress to being all about protecting his sister, after their relationship had been redefined with “You’re my sister, but you’re not my responsibility”. Some of that was really exaggerated: there’s absolutely nothing odd or surprising about Bellamy crying over his sister disappearing in his arms. Of course he loves her and wants her safe. But I was concerned they may regress his development if they make him forget about everyone and everything else in his life in order to impulsively jump after her into the Anomaly. However, that did not happen - Bellamy didn’t decide to go on his own, rather than tell others and make a plan. He was taken.

The mysterious people from the Anomaly seem to be able to control the Anomaly, and have some sort of a cloaking device, presumably connected to their suits and helmets, that makes them invisible to others. They also have some sort of a screen inside their helmets, with facial recognition of targets and commands. It’s all a bit creepy - these seem to be humans, but they are receiving orders the way a robot would. (It’s all very Terminator-like!) Maybe because they also have lost their memories while going through the Anomaly? Where did they get the info about who Bellamy, Gabriel and Echo are - was it from Octavia’s memories? 

Memories and memory loss are obviously going to play a huge role this season. People who come from the Anomaly to Sanctum seem to lose their memories, except when the Anomaly is still there. Does this happen only on Sanctum, or at the other side(s) as well? How does the fact that the Anomaly sucks in radio signals fit into that? Hope had to use a message she put into her own arm to remind herself to “TRUST BELLAMY”. (Interstellar is mentioned a lot as an inspiration for this season, but this reminds me of another Nolan film, Memento.)

We also see Clarke spout knowledge about how the big mansion was built (by Russell for Simone, to remind her of her house on Earth), which she would know due to still having some of Josephine’s memories. And I’m sure that the fact Madi still has the memories of past Commanders will play a big role - specifically, the fact she has Becca’s memories, which could be the way to tie the present day story to the prequel/story about what happened during and right after the apocalypse. (She also probably knows about Sheidheda more than anyone else alive, which may play into the Sanctum story.) 

It’s too early to judge Hope as a character, but the mystery surrounding her is certainly super interesting. Why do the mysterious people from the Anomaly have orders to kill her on sight (as opposed to capturing, which they were supposed to do with Bellamy, Echo and Gabriel)? Is it because of who she is, or what she is - is it about her actions, does she know too much, or is her existence itself that’s the problem? 

I loved the Octavia cameo in Hope’s hallucination, with the confirmation that she was an “aunt” figure to her, a part of a found family with Diyoza and Hope. The Anomaly makes you see your biggest desire or biggest fear - and Hope’s biggest desire seems to be to be reunited with her family 

Echo’s hallucination, on the other hand, is obviously about her biggest fear - so it makes perfect sense that it’s Roan who appears to her, as he exiled her from Azgeda. Of course biggest fear would be losing her kru and her king/queen and being left alone and adrift. I’m as surprised as anyone that I found Echo's scene to be maybe the best in the episode. But she did have some really good character moments in seasons 6, and this is IMO her best character moment so far, picking up from her red sun hallucination in 6x02, and flashback from 6x11. which revealed that even her identity as “Echo” is fake. It seems the show is finally doing the character development it neglected to give her in season 5, and addressing all the obvious issues with Echo’s development and her relationship with Bellamy. I think this confirms that it was indeed Echo talking to herself while hallucinating Emori in 6x02, since her hallucination of Roan tells her the same thing, that she is still just a killer following another master’s orders. We finally see Echo feeling guilt over the things she did in the past, including her betrayal of Bellamy in season 3. When she imagines him calling her out on betraying “the man she now claims to love”, is it just about her thinking the others would doubt her love, or is she herself questioning whether her feelings for Bellamy are really romantic love, or just loyalty to her current leader? Their relationship, especially in S6, often came off more as the latter.

 (It was also really cool to see Zach McGowan again) 

The timeline of 7x01 seems to have confused some fans, but I think it’s pretty obvious that, at the beginning of the Sanctum story, no more than a day (probably less than that) has passed since 6x13 - going by the facts that 1) the Anomaly storyline picked up minutes after the end of 6x13, and the Sanctum story was presumably happening at the same time, and 2) Indra had to explain the situation in Sanctum to everyone. The only thing that seems to go against that is that Russell is said to “not have slept” since what happened on the ship, which makes it seem like it’s been longer. Or maybe Russell was just being extra dramatic. “Oh, I have no slept for a whole day!” He certainly spent a lot of this (his last) episode feeling sorry for himself. At least he seemed to have finally realized he wasn’t the superior good guy in all of it (”Tell them I’m treated better than I deserve” - yes, indeed.)

Indra was great, even though poor Adina was forced to be an exposition machine for a part of the episode. 

A common complaint I’ve seen among fans is that it’s weird that Clarke and others in Sanctum aren’t worried about Bellamy and co. I don’t understand this complaint, as it’s clear that very little time has passed and that Bellamy, Octavia, Echo and Gabriel must have told everyone they were leaving and why (though I don’t know how many details they told them about the Anomaly Stone). People have been gone for a whole day in season 6 when they just went to the Offering Grove (Echo in 6x06) or the radioactive shield (Raven, Emori and Echo in 6x05), which are within the confines of Sanctum and much nearer than the camp by the Anomaly. What are they supposed to do but wait for a couple of days for them to come back? It’s not like they can call them, when radios and other means of communication usually don’t work on Alpha because of the Anomaly sucking the signals.

In fact, their absence was mentioned in the picnic scene, when Raven toasted to “absent friends” and we got a reaction shot of Clarke (I know, Clarke, I'd be annoyed too if I was you, but Bellamy had to be all "I'm gonna go now and explore the Anomaly Stone while Sanctum is in chaos and you're in mourning for your mom" because the plot needed him to..., before Niylah toasted to the “departed ones” (which would include Kane and Abby) and we got a close-up reaction shot of Clarke trying to keep it all inside, as she did every time in this episode someone mentioned Abby. 

The idyllic picnic by the mansion - everyone’s attempt to get some rest and nice time after everything they had been through - was such a contrast to the “powder keg” of Sanctum and the end of this episode. But it also felt fake - just as fake as the deception and lies that Murphy and Emori are Daniel and Kaylee Prime, or that Madi still has the Flame in her head - to keep the devout and Wonkru under control, respectively - and just as fake as Clarke’s attempts to convince everyone she’s “fine”. As usual, the song playing in the background (”Darkness” by Pinegrove) was very fitting:

Suddenly I find I've got darkness on my mind It's a question mark that keeps me looking And it's never satisfied And it's never what I thought Saying I'm happy when I'm not No, I got darkness on my mind Leaning out the frame When it's particulate and gray I'm perpendicular to my whole being When I lean a certain way Saying I'm happy when I'm not Finding roaches in the pot Oh, I got darkness on my mind Some people spend their whole lives looking For someone who could understand While meanwhile a lilac blooming Sometimes on the driest land And I know it's been a long time coming I'm angry and I know that's weak And I'm longing out that open window For whatever it is I seek [musical breakdown] Some people spend their whole lives looking For someone who could understand And while meanwhile a lilac blooming Sometimes on the driest land And I know it's been a long time coming I'm angry and I know that's weak So I'm trying not to be so bitter I'm just looking at it honestly Well, I know it's been a long time coming I'm angry and I know that's weak And I'm longing out that open window For whatever it is I seek Some people spend their whole lives looking For someone who could understand While meanwhile a lilac blooming Sometimes on the driest land, yeah 

I like that there was anger, blame and conflict between our kru and that everyone didn’t just forget what happened last season (and for once, Clarke is not the one getting the blame!) It would've made no sense if no one was blaming Murphy, and it makes sense it would be Jackson, who was so close to Abby and who’s not particularly close to Murphy. It also makes sense there was disagreement about the method of keeping peace in Sanctum, and that not everyone would be happy with Memori cosplaying the Primes. 

Murphy himself had a really good characterization in this episode - we saw his grief and his feelings of guilt. While he tried to defend himself when blamed that he didn’t know what Russell would do, when left alone, he blamed himself for various actions that led to it, which is something Murphy from a couple of seasons ago wouldn’t do.

It’s great to see Raven looking more like her old, pre-season 6 self, and even better to see that her self-righteousness has gone. She’s more like the old Raven but without the snarky b1tchiness. I’m glad that she got called out by Murphy on her “Miss Morality” role from last season (which never really made sense, pre-time jump Raven was never a moral compass of the group, she was smart, pragmatic and could be as ruthless as anyone).

Another major theme of the Sanctum plot were the new beginnings.  Clarke pointing out season 3 feels like another world seems almost like the show going meta and pointing out to the audience how much Clarke and all these people have lived through and been since.What is Sanctum now after the Primes have been defeated, with Children of Gabriel coming back home and clashing with the Devout - brainwashed and loyal followers of the Primes, with the rest of the Sanctumites in between? How are Wonkru and the 36 Eligius prisoners going to start again on a new planet moon? (36?! Wow, so they really suffered heavy losses in that gorge, too, when there are so few left?) Can Grounders be without a Commander? Gaia without her religion? Can Madi be a normal kid, without the Flame - or is that even possible while she has to pretend to still be Heda? The title From the ashes seems to refer to that - and maybe the end of the episode means that you have to burn down the old beliefs and old idols to build something new? 

Mothers and daughters were another theme.  I liked that Madi mentioned her biological parents (well, mother) on-screen for the first time, since the fandom tends to forget about them and ignore them too often. Madi was unsuccessful in her attempt to make Clarke share her feelings with her - maybe because this conversation showed a big difference in how they see each other? Clarke thinks of Madi as her child, but Clarke has never had a child before, while Madi had parents and suffered their loss; Clarke assumed Madi was talking about her and what happened in S6, but Madi always calls Clarke “Clarke” rather than “Mom”, and tried to connect to her on the equal level, as another daughter who’s lost a mother. Maybe it’s exactly because Clarke sees Madi only as her child that she feels she must be “strong” for her all the time and not show grief. 

There was an unexpected parallel between Indra and Clarke in how Indra also tried to suppress outward expressions of grief when her partner - Gaia’s father died, which clearly wasn’t healthy and caused a rift between mother and daughter. (I’m not sure about when that happened, i.e. when Gaia first decided to become a Flamekeeper. I guess it must have been before the timeline of seasons 1-3. So Gaia’s dad is probably not the man that Indra recognized in 2x15 as one of the Reapers? I’m still angry that we never got any resolution to that storyline and that the Reapers were forgotten after season 2.)

 The one thing I’m not sure about is Jordan’s characterization and arc. I’m not sure what the show is doing with his exactly, and I’m afraid that they’ll try to leave it ambiguous just how much he is or isn’t brainwashed. 6x13 made it very clear that he has been “adjusted”, which Russell confirmed here, and Jordan’s “adjustor”, who was creeping behind him in the season 6 finale, was very present and active in this episode, and clearly still had a big influence on him. At the same time, we learn that Jordan does not believe in the divinity of the Primes - instead of that, his hallucinations made him see something connected to the mystery of the Anomaly, which Russell describes as something “greater” (almost like he has finally found God, of sorts, after all, which he talked about 236 years before when he first landed on Alpha)? The good news is that it means Jordan will have a role in the Anomaly story, rather than being the advocate for the Devout. What I’m afraid of is that the show will gloss over the fact that Jordan was brainwashed - whether or not he came to believe that Primes were gods, he certainly did a 180 from despising Primes as murderers, being outraged by their actions and knowing very well that Priya was not Delilah but someone who took over her body; to (just a few days later, after “adjustment”) spouting Prime propaganda about the “peaceful” society they had before the Bad People from Earth came (that’s the peace they had when they regularly murdered their people to steal their bodies, left babies to die, and made them go crazy and kill each other from time to time) and having some kind of attachment to Priya herself and her mind drive.

At least, I hope that Russell unceremoniously smashing the mind drive means we’re done with that storyline. I loved it, it was my favorite storyline of the show, but it’s time for it to be over. It makes no sense that anyone is still letting Russell keep his mind drive, for starters. When will they realize they need to destroy these things?

- Clarke’s way of dealing with grief over her mom’s death was certainly unhealthy - repressing her feelings even more than usual, trying to be calm, composed, logical, to do the things needed to keep peace. In her last scene in 6x13, Clarke was open about her grief with Bellamy, looking to him for comfort, finding comfort in his arms and his words. But now he’s absent, there’s no one else she can be that open and vulnerable with. (The only other person Clarke looked for comfort to was Abby.) It’s nice to see that she and Raven have mended their friendship with Raven, she is starting to develop a new one with Gaia over their mutual care for Madi, she has mutual respect with Indra, she’s known others - like Murphy or Miller = for years, since the Delinquent days... and they all want to help her, but she’s not opening up to anyone, not even Madi. She thinks she must be “strong” for all of them, and her Head and Heart are unbalanced - she’s repressing the latter, until she finally explodes. 

I love the scene of Clarke finally losing it and beating up Russell (I had already seen it in the trailer, and it was my favorite moment) and then crying while holding Abby's clothes. I don’t know about anyone else, but I love seeing an angry, emotional Clarke, letting it all out, especially when it's anger at people she has every right to be furious at. We haven’t seen that from her since early season 3 (when she yelled and spat in Lexa’s face over her betrayal). It had bothered me for a few seasons that Clarke - who used to be vibrant and could be impulsive, angry, hold grudges, yell at people in seasons 1-2, had become so repressed and muted due to her constant self-blame. I’ve had enough watching Clarke look sad while other people keep yelling at her and blaming her. (The only other instance of Clarke being furious was her hurt and rage at Bellamy and the slap in 5x09, but that was more of a silent, “internally screaming” rage/hurt, which turned into Clarke being emotionally frozen for the next couple of episodes, until learning he was alive. When Clarke is keeping everything inside and not yelling, that’s when she’s in the worst emotional state.)

It is, however, so sad that she still blames herself, too, for her mother’s death, whispering “I’m sorry”, the same way she whispered after seeing her father floated.

My only problem with the scene of that stupid palace burning down is that  "mistakes" is a serious real understatement for what Russell has done. I know, I know, this will cause a lot of trouble in Sanctum and Clarke will probably have to go back on some of these decisions to keep peace. But there’s really nothing morally wrong with deciding to execute Russell - not only does he deserve it, but he’s arguably even an exception from the general objection to death penalty, since he’s lived several times the normal human lifespan, by stealing other people’s bodies. And the palace burning down is a symbolic way to send the message that the old power structures are gone - which Clarke pointed out when she said there will be no kings or queens anymore.

Sheiheda taking over Russell’s, or rather his latest host’s body, wasn’t surprising, as that was the most popular theory. But it was cool to see Sheidheda’s creepy mindspace again and Sean Maguire as the original Russell. The bodysnatcher got bodysnatched. That’s something like poetic justice.

I just have to post this because it’s such a beautiful shot!

Rating: 8/10

[porkchop-ao3]

A Thrill I’ve Never Known (Chapter 46)

Treasure

Reader receives a gift that gives her a reason to smile, and then she smiles a whole lot more.

(All chapters tagged with #ATINK and also posted on Ao3, username PorkChop)

-

Days went by, nondescript and immeasurable, practically the same routine everyday. I woke up, I did chores, I went to bed, and repeated it all the next day. The sense of hope that I'd kept at heart in the days following the discovery of that newspaper article was dwindling steadily, and every day felt longer and longer, harder and harder, till I was just going through the motions until I could go to sleep again. 

People noticed. Charles first, of course, he'd been keeping a keen eye on me the whole time, checking in on me each day to ask how I was. He was soft and careful with me, speaking to me in a tone that reminded me of how one would talk to a spooked horse. I appreciated his kindness, but it didn't matter how many times he asked me if I was okay, I'd always just say yes. I wasn't, obviously, we both knew that. But mine was the sort of sadness that nothing could cure, but perhaps time. Even that seemed impossible, for the more time that passed, the smaller the flame of hope grew, and the more I came to believe that my Arthur was gone. It was a scenario I didn't want to accept. 

Sadie approached me one afternoon an indiscernible number of days since Abigail and I's trip to Saint Denis. I hadn't left camp since, excluding the ride I'd taken that evening. 

"Hey there. I heard you was a good con-woman. You wanna come out with me, see if we can rustle something up?" She asked. I lifted my head from the arrow I was working on – Charles had taught me how to improve them to make them stronger and more accurate – to look at her in bewilderment that she'd want me to do something with her, the miserable mare I was.

"Right now?"

"Sure, nothing too fancy. Just something to put a little extra money in our pockets," she said, offering me a kind smile. 

My lips parted and I was hesitant to answer. In truth, Christ no, I did not want to go conning right then. It was the absolute last thing I wanted to do. It took enough energy just to pretend to be not on the verge of crying constantly, I didn't think I had it in me to paint another layer onto the facade for the sake of a con. But how on Earth could I say no when the gang was in such a dire situation?

Thankfully, she saw my hesitation for what it was, and her face fell just a little. She sat down on the crate next to me, leaned forwards with her elbows on her knees and stared at her hands. 

"I know what you're going through," she said quietly. "I ain't making you work, I just thought you might wanna do something more interesting than chores, try and get your mind off it. For me, that's all I wanted at the start." 

"That's a kind sentiment, Sadie," I whispered, smiling, "but I'm okay here, jus' doing this," I waved the completed arrow at her then placed it with the bundle by my feet. 

"Okay then, if you're sure," she said, then after a moment, moved to leave. I stopped her with a hand on her arm. 

"I'm so sorry about your husband. I know that was real raw when I first showed up, I never said nothing about it. I hope you don't think of me as rude for not giving you my condolences," I told her abruptly.

"I don't. You didn't know me at all, and no offense, I barely even realised you were new for a start. First couple weeks were a blur, I don't remember much. I was too torn apart," she admitted, and I nodded sympathetically. "Keeping busy helps, I know. But you gotta be careful not to just shut everything out and rely on monotony to get you through the day, you lose a lot of time that way. You wake up one day and realise how long it's been and–" she stopped abruptly, sighed and shook her head.

I felt awful for Sadie. She was a married woman, I didn't know for how long but she was married. I knew how painful it was no longer having Arthur by my side and he and I's relationship was relatively young. I couldn't even claim to know exactly how Sadie must've felt losing her husband. 

"I always liked Arthur," she began on a different note, lifting her head, "he's one of the good ones, ain't he?"

I nodded my head. 

"You keep hold of him, if he makes it back here," she advised, patting the back of my hand where it rested on my knee. I met her eyes. 

"I fully intend to. I don't know how I'd– it's hard because I don't know whether I should be grieving or not," I said, and her brow creased in sympathy. 

"Yeah, it's an odd situation. But some hope's better than none, ain't it?" She offered and I nodded slowly. 

"I suppose it is. Every time I see something move over there–" I jerked my head towards the entrance to Lakay– "my heart goes mad and I'm searching for him." 

Sadie looked at me, her eyes full of pity throughout the lull in conversation. She pressed her lips together, then sighed and looked down. 

"After my Jakey died, Abigail was a good friend to me. She'd sit with me and let me cry and whine and feel sorry for myself and she did it all with compassion. I know you and I ain't particularly close, but I want you to know, I wouldn't mind paying Abigail's favour forward. I'm here for you if you need a shoulder to cry on. Someone who knows your pain," she told me. 

She was speaking as if Arthur was definitely dead and while her kindness was appreciated, I hated what it meant. She didn't think he was coming back. She pitied me, saw herself in me, in what I was going through. I was far from ready to start accepting the very real possibility that Arthur was dead, and when a reasonable response to her offer failed to materialise in my brain, I just stared at her. I stared with parted lips and tears welling in my eyes and anger building that I did not want to direct at her. So I got up, and walked away as quickly as I could. 

I shut myself away in the building with the painted wall, my usual spot, and threw myself down on the bed that resided there. The sheets were musty and unclean, I had no clue how long they'd been there or who had slept in them last, but I couldn't care less. I curled up on my side and squeezed my eyes shut. 

Arthur wasn't dead. If he was I'd have a gut feeling, wouldn't I? I'd somehow know. It had been weeks since the night of the robbery, but it would take weeks for him to get back to America after leaving on a boat. There was still a feasible chance that he was heading home, or he could be back already, and just looking for us. Or maybe he and the others were just giving it some time, letting the heat die down before attempting to come back to us. There were plenty of alternative reasons for his absence and the likelihood of it being because he was dead was probably the smallest. Arthur's strong. He's clever.  

I squeezed my eyes ever tighter, and the next thing I knew, I was being roused by a hand on my shoulder.

I woke with a start, my eyes flashing open to find Miss Grimshaw looming over me, her expression unreadable. My heart dropped and I shot upright.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to fall asleep– I know it looks that way, I'm laying in a bed, but I– I was–" I stammered, giving up on excuses and sighing. She sat down on the bed next to me, her expression shifting into a small smile. 

"It's okay, darlin'. I ain't here to tell you off," she reassured me, squeezing my shoulder once. I shifted, crossing my legs and watching her with intrigue. "Sadie told me that you barged in here earlier on, she was worried she'd upset you."

I shook my head and closed my eyes in frustration at myself. "No, she was being kind. I just ain't myself right now."

"I figured. That's why I wanted to talk to you. And give you something," she said, looking down into her hand. She was holding something I couldn't see. "Things are tough on everybody right now, but I know you must feel especially worried."

"I don't wanna claim that I'm worse off than everyone else just 'cause–"

"It ain't a competition," she cut me off, "that ain't my point, just let me speak. Your relationship with Arthur is different, more intimate, you're bound to have more intense feelings about his absence, I'm not looking for a debate about that." 

"I'm sorry," I said, feeling like a scolded child. 

"I wanted to do somethin' nice. Or at least something I think is nice, you might hate me for it, I don't know," she shrugged, she had an air of stoicism about her, but I could see that she cared. I frowned in confusion. 

"What is it?"

"I have this necklace," she began, unfurling her hand to reveal a silver necklace with an oval shaped pendant engraved with the image of a heron. It was very pretty. "It's a locket," she added, then handed it to me. 

I draped the chain over my fingers and perched the pendant in my palm, lifting it for a closer inspection. There was a lot of detail in the engraving, I could even make out the suggestion of feathers. 

"I dug around in all our old things. We've got a box of photographs we've kept for years, I had a look and found one small enough to cut up and go in there. I never wear that locket, so you can have it. It was a gift from a lover from years ago," she chuckled playfully at that. 

I pressed my nail to the groove down the edge of the locket and popped it open, carefully parting it to reveal the photo inside. My eyes were blurry in a second. Of course, it was a photograph of Arthur; it looked quite old, he was a little younger, probably in his late twenties, but he was equally as handsome as the Arthur I knew. I blinked and felt tears roll down my cheeks and wordlessly threw myself forwards, wrapping my arm around Susan and burying my face in her shoulder. She made a surprised sound, but hugged me back after a moment. 

"Alright, that's a good response," she chuckled.

"Why on Earth would I hate you for this?"

"I figured it might hurt you, seeing him when he ain't here," she explained. 

"The only pictures I have of him are my silly drawings, I will treasure this," I told her, pulling back to look once again at the locket. I held it close to my face, relishing the opportunity to refresh the image of him in my mind, to remind myself of his lovely eyes, the cute dimple on the end of his nose, the shape of his lips…

"There's that smile we've all missed," she said, nudging me. 

"Thank you so much," I whispered, pressing a kiss to the locket before carefully closing it. 

"Would you like me to help you put it on?"

"Yes please." 

I handed her the necklace and twisted around. Susan draped the thing around my neck, and I peered down at where it laid against my sternum. She fiddled with a clasp for a moment before letting it go once it was secured around my neck. 

"So, there you go, any time you miss him you'll be able to see his face," she smiled at me and I returned it, holding the locket within my palm. "Now that you're smilin' again, are you gonna come help with dinner?" She queried with a stern tone, though it was coloured with playfulness too. I smirked and nodded, rising to my feet and following her back outside.

Every night since then I fell asleep with the locket laying open in my palm. It dulled the empty feeling in my chest made by his absence enough to give me some peace. Though I still of course longed to have him back by my side, Miss Grimshaw's gift certainly helped ease my upset. I went hunting again with Charles, and he noted that I seemed to be doing a bit better, either that or I was getting better at putting on a facade. I wasn't entirely sure which was true, sure, the locket gave me something to hold at night but it wasn't flesh and blood, it wasn't my Arthur. I just told Charles that the people at camp treating me with kindness was probably helping. And it was. 

I'd grown closer to the likes of Charles, Abigail and Sadie, who each seemed to have some sort of perceived duty of care to me. I felt as if I was tucked carefully under each of their wings, and they all took the time to check on me if I'd spent too much time on my own. It made sense. We all had something in common. For Charles, it was that we were missing Arthur, both of us were particularly close to him in our own ways. Abigail, she was missing her man too, though she knew exactly where he was. She rarely outright admitted it of course, continuously mentioning Jack, who – bless him – didn't even fully seem to know what was going on. And Sadie kept looking at me with a certain softness in her eyes and I knew she still saw me as analogous to her when Jake passed, and she felt a sort of responsibility to offer me support.

We gravitated towards each other, I seemed to always have one of them nearby. I appreciated it. I felt less alone while my most treasured person was missing, and it allowed me to feel more like a part of the gang again. I realised that despite my intentions not to, I had aligned myself with Arthur while he was there, sticking to him so closely and allowing my bonds with the rest of the gang to sink into the background. When he first disappeared, I felt like an impostor, similar to when I first joined. I often wondered if that was how Molly had felt too, though she had opted to leave rather than staying. In my case, my strengthened relationship with the others helped me to once again feel at home, though it was an incomplete home. 

After a couple more days passed, I found myself feeling a little numb. It was neither positive or negative. I guessed that my emotions had been so unsteady for so long that they'd stopped knowing what to do and had given up altogether. I took it while I could, grateful for the reprieve. 

I found myself stood cleaning dishes with Abigail one evening, it had been pouring rain all day and we were standing outside underneath the shelter of the lean-to attached to one of the shacks. I lost myself in the constant hiss of the water hitting the ground as I scrubbed the plate in my hand dry. Abigail had been upset that morning, having found out that John had officially been moved to Sisika. I'd done my best to comfort her as she had done with me over Arthur, but she had been quiet and withdrawn for the remainder of the day. I stuck by her side, helping entertain Jack when it was clear that she was too distracted to give him her full attention. He was asleep now, though, curled up inside with Tilly and Mary-Beth.  

I couldn't hear much over the sound of the rain, so when Abigail spoke I was sure I'd missed half of her sentence, because all I heard was: "Arthur?" 

I glanced up at her, she was standing on the other side of the table, looking over my shoulder. 

"What about him?" I asked. Then felt a hot jolt of adrenaline surge through me when I heard wet footsteps and noticed Abigail's eyes following something behind me, I could only take a split second to pray that the conclusion I had drawn was true, then I cranked my neck around so fast it'd hurt in the morning.

There he was. In the same white shirt and dress trousers he'd left Shady Belle in, a few weeks worth of beard grown in, rosy, sunburnt cheeks and a build-up of grime covering every visible inch of his body. My Arthur. 

My knees felt as though they would buckle beneath me and my hand moved to the table behind me, gripping tight. 

"You're alive!" Abigail cheered, a joyous laugh rippling through her words as she rounded the table and jogged over to him. Arthur's eyes never left mine as she gave him a brief hug.

"Hey ladies," he said, his tone friendly but he sounded tired and strange, a little like he was forcing it. My brain had disengaged and I hadn't yet reacted to his return, I was well aware of that, but could do no more than stare at him. 

"Come on, get out of the rain," Abigail said, tugging him by the elbow until he was underneath the shelter, standing a mere few inches away from me, gaze still fixed on my face, his eyes trying to read mine. "I gotta tell the others!" Abigail added, then she was rushing into the house, calling out. 

In the moments we had alone, Arthur reached for me, and I met his hands with mine, entwining our fingers. His shoulders dropped and the creases between his brows softened, then he leaned forward, his forehead kissing mine. 

"My Angel–"

"I thought that you–" we both began, then laughed breathily. That was as far as we got. 

"Hey, Arthur!" Uncle cheered, stepping outside, joined by everyone else inside who seemed equally pleased to see Arthur. I stepped back, turning to face them. Everyone crowded around, clapping him on the back, guiding him inside, I watched as he was whisked away from me, surrounded by his family. 

I followed the crowd inside, watching everyone hug him, silently resenting the fact that I hadn't had the chance to do the same. 

"Where on Earth have you been?" Uncle questioned as a chair was pulled out and Arthur was pushed down into it, a cup of water thrust into his hand. Arthur's eyes scanned the room until he found me. 

"Some island somewhere. Uh, Guarma, I think it was. Washed up there when our ship went down," he explained. 

"So that was your boat we read about in the papers," Lenny pointed out. Arthur downed the water and handed the cup off to an outstretched hand. He was then plied with a bowl of stew. I leaned up against the doorway and felt an easy smile cross my lips at the sight of him. Alive. Right there in front of me. 

"I guess," Arthur mused. 

"We all thought you were gone for good, laying at the bottom of the ocean," Uncle admitted and everyone looked at him with a warning in their eyes. "What? Ain't my problem none of y'all would admit it."

"Well, we nearly was. We all made it, though. The others'll make their way back over the next few days, we thought it best to go one at a time, draw less attention. I volunteered to leave first, I had to–" Arthur explained, his eyes settling on me again. 

"Dutch is still alive?" Someone asked, and Arthur nodded with a mouthful of food, a look coming to his eye that I couldn't place. It wasn't a positive look, that was all.

"And Javier. And Bill," he murmured, then with a tone that nobody had to question, "and Micah."

"We buried Hosea. We got his body back and gave him a nice send off," Abigail told him. Arthur looked at her, slowed his chewing, and nodded in silent appreciation. His demeanor shifted further at the mention of his name, and my heart hurt to look at him that way. 

"The horses all came back, Kieran's been doing a fine job of taking care of 'em," Mary-Beth announced when the silence became uncomfortable. Kieran squirmed under the attention but Arthur nodded at him once. 

"Thanks, Kieran," he murmured. 

"Just doing what I do," Kieran breathed, a lopsided smile on his face. 

"How 'bout I get some water warmed up for you? You really do look like you've been washed up on an island," Miss Grimshaw chuckled, then headed outside. 

"Thank you," Arthur called after her. After a few moments people seemed to realise that staring at him while he was eating wasn't exactly making Arthur feel comfortable, so everyone moved to give him some space and murmurs of conversation filled the room. Charles came up behind him, patting him on the shoulder and bending down to speak to him.

"Good to have you back," I just about made out over the noise in the room. Then Charles' eyes peeled up to me, an expectant look in them. He smirked and pulled a chair up next to Arthur, knocking his knuckles against the back of it.

"He's all yours," he told me. 

[natasha-cole]

#1 Crush: Part 20

Chapter Summary: Reader is embarrassed about the incident with Liam. Rob’s concern isn’t making anything any easier.

Word Count: 2626

Warnings: angst, creepy fan, discussion of an assault incident, swearing probably

Notes: I’m still not in the writing mode really, but this has been sitting in my drafts like this for a long time and I figured I’d just post it as is. Hopefully it moves the story along a bit for you.

Series Masterlist

The following morning, you woke up feeling terrible. You hadn’t slept well, and even as you got ready for the day, you couldn’t shake the strange feeling that you had. It was almost a guilty feeling, as if you had been the one who had done something wrong last night.

You couldn’t stop thinking about the way Liam had kissed you. Your skin crawled as you recalled it, still creeped out by advancement and the way he had looked at you when you told him to stop.

Even as you headed off to the convention, you berated yourself over the fact that any of it had happened in the first place. You couldn’t help but to think that it had been your fault in some way. Had you led him on somehow? Had you not been clear enough on the fact that it was supposed to be a professional relationship and nothing more? Had you crossed a line?

To make matters worse, you also realized that you were about to face the rest of the weekend without a bodyguard. 

Conventions had become stressful and anxiety-inducing lately; and the only thing that kept you coming to them was knowing that you were at least protected in your work environment. Now, you were suddenly very vulnerable again as Liam was out of the picture and you didn’t even have Rob anymore. 

Although you and Rob were no longer dating, you felt the need to just tell him about what had happened. Not only did you feel guilty about the possibility of having done something to make Liam do what he did, you also couldn’t help but to feel awful that Rob knew nothing about it.

Before you could even think of a way to maybe mention it to Rob before anyone else found out, it was Adam who seemed to be a lot more alert than anyone else that morning. You had arrived at the greenroom, enjoying your first cup of coffee and just thinking when he approached you first.

“Where’s your bodyguard?” he asked, glancing around in concern as he didn’t see the man who never failed to be at your side constantly.

He sat down at the table next to you, waiting for an answer.

“He’s not here,” you responded simply.

“Why is that?”

“Well, he just didn’t work out I guess.”

It was a half truth, but now that it had been brought up, you felt like an idiot for the fact that anything had even happened. You suddenly questioned telling Rob at all.

“Okay, but why?” He pressed. “Did something happen?”

“Can I tell you something?” You asked seriously. “And can you promise not to think of me as a huge idiot for it?”

“You’re not an idiot,” he smiled in return. 

You took a deep breath and his features softened, watching you with slight concern now.

“He made a move on me,” you said, embarrassed to even be saying it out loud..

“He did?”

“Yes. I had to fire him. It caught me off guard and it was extremely inappropriate.”

“And… Rob?”

“What about Rob?” You asked in confusion.

“I’m just trying to make sense of it. Rob never leaves your side. He’s with you even more than Liam was.”

“Well, I suppose you're out of the loop.”

“I must be.”

You took another deep breath before you broke the news to him. It never did get any easier to admit to it.

“Rob and I are no longer together.”

“Oh… Y/N,” he responded, sounding surprisingly sad about it.

“Why do you seem all sad?” You joked. “I know you don’t really care.”

“I do care. Look, I know I was interested… and yeah, it kinda sucked that he asked you out before I could… but he made you happy. I can’t imagine why you two didn’t work out.”

“We were working just fine,” you replied. “I really love him. But, I felt like all of this was just- weighing on us, you know? For me, that makes sense. But I really couldn’t live with myself knowing that it was affecting him as well. I know I’m not safe, but that doesn’t mean that anyone else should also not be safe because of me.”

“So, what happened?” Adam asked. “You said this asshole made a move on you, what did he do exactly?”

“It was nothing,” you said quietly. 

“Doesn’t sound like nothing.”

“I mean, I can handle myself with a guy who gets too handsy. I just- I was more unsettled with the way he looked at me I guess. It creeped me out.”

“Jesus, Y/N,” he sighed in return.

“I’m overreacting again, aren’t I? Like, I probably shouldn’t have fired my bodyguard during a convention weekend especially with everything that’s going on.”

“I think, given your current situation, it’s not overreacting.”

“Do I really just give off a vibe that calls out to creeps?” You asked with a chuckle. 

“Well, I mean, I wouldn’t say, just creeps…”

You laughed lightly, glad that you at least had him to talk to.

“Thanks for listening,” you said. 

“Hey, I’m still your friend. I’m always here if you need me for anything.”

“You could talk to Rob about this for me,” you teased. “I’m debating if I should mention it or not, but something tells me he’ll notice something is up.”

“Well, I’m here for most things,” he laughed in return. “Really though, you should just tell him even if you’re not together. It would probably ease his mind when he realizes you’re without a bodyguard.”

“At what point do I stop worrying about what my ex boyfriend thinks?”

Adam huffed in return, giving you a look and you knew exactly what he was thinking.

“Maybe when you actually want him to be your ex boyfriend,” he replied. “We both know you didn’t really want any of this though.”

He wasn’t wrong. Your first thought after that incident had happened and after Liam had been fired was what Rob would think about it all. He was the first person to cross your mind and the first person you actually wanted to talk to about it. You had been the one who had complicated everything though. At this point, you didn’t even know if it was worth mentioning to him.

***

You had passed Rob throughout the morning, wanting to talk to him, but remembering that you had hurt him. You weren’t sure if there was a good time to tell him that you were without a bodyguard for the weekend, or if it even mattered to him in the first place. 

Gradually, most of your castmates had noticed Liam’s absence. Many of them approached you with concern, and you had to explain things to them. You made sure to leave out the part about him kissing you and being sort of aggressive about it. There were just some details that you didn’t feel comfortable with everyone knowing about.

Everyone’s concern over this situation was noticeable, but after an explanation on how it was being handled at least for the weekend seemed to be sufficient enough at least for now. Rich and Adam even reminded you that they were there this weekend as well to help out in any way they could.

Rob appeared to be the last to know, which made you feel all the more terrible about avoiding him today.

You wanted to tell him, but you also tried convinced yourself that he was too angry with you to care. Mostly though, you knew he was still hurt and the idea of talking to him about another guy making a move on you seemed sort of cruel when you had been the one to break up with him. It wasn’t that your breakup had been a horrible, messy split or anything; but you really did want to keep him at a distance especially now that things were starting to escalate again with your stalker. 

Rich had apparently talked to him on your behalf though, and while it would normally annoy you, it actually made the conversation between you and Rob come up a little easier. You were waiting to head to photo ops when Rob came through the door. He eyed you immediately and walked right toward you. The sight of him made your heart break all over again, but you knew you had to have this conversation. 

Rob stopped abruptly in front of you, looking around as if he expected to see something.

“Where’s Liam?” He asked as his focus landed on you once again.

“Oh,” you replied. “He’s not here.”

Rob pulled back, looking at you questioningly.

“I know he’s not here. Rich told me that you fired him. Why?”

If there was one person in the world that you could be honest with, it was Rob. Even now that you weren’t even together, you still felt comfortable telling him everything.

“I had to let him go.”

“In the middle of a convention weekend?” He nearly shouted. “Why?”

“Because… I just- had to.”

“Y/N, you can’t be without security,” he reminded you. “Shit always happens at conventions, and you just thought it would be smart to get rid of your bodyguard on day one?”

“I have security,” you pointed out as you gestured toward the extra help. “I actually have more security now than before.”

“That’s not what I mean,” he replied. “You need a real, legitimate bodyguard.”

“Well, I no longer have one this weekend. My manager is working on finding someone else though.”

“Why would you fire him right now? You couldn’t wait until you got back home?”

“He made a move on me, okay?” You replied softly, hoping that maybe he wouldn’t actually hear you.

He did hear you though, and he looked even more shocked by this. 

“He did what? Why?”

“I don’t know. He said that I gave him the impression that I was interested in him. He kissed me in my hotel room and it made me really uncomfortable. I asked him to leave and I fired him.”

“Why was he in your hotel room?” He asked, eyes narrowed as if he were trying to understand why he had been there in the first place.

You instantly felt sick, realizing that Rob was thinking something that you resented him for even considering.

“Really?” You asked sarcastically. You felt your eyes well up with tears, offended that he had even asked this. “I tell you that the guy made a move on me and you immediately ask what I did wrong?”

“That’s not what I’m asking,” he replied. “I just- did he hurt you?”

“No,” you answered. “He didn’t hurt me. Just- he just freaked me out a little is all.”

“I’m gonna be honest, I kinda need some clarification here…”

He looked almost hurt. You understood that it sounded bad when you said it out loud; this other man being in your hotel room and all. 

“It was nothing, Rob,” you sighed. “I get a little freaked out about being alone now. He walked me to my room as he always does and when I got scared about going in, he came in to just make sure no one was there, even though I knew no one was there. He misread that and some other things, thinking it meant I was interested in him or something.”

“And he just… what did he do?”

“He kissed me is all.”

“He kissed you?” Rob asked, now looking pissed off as he tried to clarify what you had just told him.

“I pushed him away, and he kept trying... until I told him to leave.“

“Why in the world would he think you were interested?”

“I don’t know. I asked him the same thing. He thinks that I like, dumped you for him.”

Rob stayed quiet, eyes carefully examining you as if to ask if that might be true. Your leaving him hadn’t made any sense to him anyway.

“That’s not the reason,” you explained. “You know that right?”

“I know,” he replied, shaking his head. “I know. I’m just- I’m pissed that he did that to you. Are you okay?”

There he was. This was the Rob that you knew and loved. He wasn’t blaming you for anything. He was simply trying to understand why this man had tried to take advantage of you. His concern wasn’t over the fact that someone else had stepped into your room, but rather if he had forced his way in. 

“I’m fine,” you assured him. “It was just a shitty situation and he had no reason to misinterpret it. I handled myself pretty well though. I even fired him right away.”

“I wish you would have told me about this right away.”

“Rob, why would I?”

“I know that you don’t want to be with me for whatever reason,” he began sadly. “But I care about you so damn much. This… this is really hard and the fact that this guy did this… I’m pissed. I guess I shouldn’t be because you’re not mine anymore, but I can’t help it. I should have been there...”

“Hey, please don’t ever think that this is because I don’t want to be with you. I just- I’m afraid. I’m afraid of what this guy is capable of, and I can’t be okay with allowing you and our friends to be mixed up in it anymore. Threats to me are one thing, but if he doesn’t have a reason to see you as a threat anymore, then I can keep you safe.” 

“Forgive me if I don’t think that that’s a reasonable excuse, Y/N.”

“I know it doesn’t make sense to anyone else, but it helps me feel better.”

“I miss you,” he said softly. “So damn much. I know we had that argument, and I’m sorry for that. But, I miss you.”

“I miss you too, Rob.”

“I will never understand then…”

You wanted to explain your reasoning to him. You wanted to make him understand. But, as if on cue, your handler interrupted, reminding you that you had to leave for photo ops.

You looked at Rob in frustration, now not even sure if you could make him understand. You had tried to reason with him already and he still didn’t get it.

“Can we just talk more about this later?” He asked. “Please?”

“There’s nothing else to talk about. I told you what happened. I promise Liam is being replaced soon.”

“That’s not what I mean, Y/N,” he replied.

Of course he wanted to discuss your break up. You knew that he wanted to reason with you, remind you that you had left him for a stupid reason and that you should probably just work it out like normal couples would. But, it was never about the little fight the two of you had. It had simply been about the realization that anyone who was close to you could also be in danger.

He knew that, but he wasn’t accepting that. Regardless, you didn’t want to discuss it further. You knew that you were weak for him and all it would take was spending time with him to make you cave. You couldn’t be with him right now. No matter how much you loved him, you refused to make him go through this with you.

“We’re done talking about this,” you said. “Excuse me. I have work to do.”

You moved past him to follow your handler out of the room, not even giving him a second glance even though you wanted to. It would never be easy to walk away from him, but you knew that you had to if it meant you were protecting him.

***

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[sebeth]

Young Justice Outsiders: “Princes All”

Warning, Spoilers Ahead…

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 Young Justice: Princes All

 I accidentally spoiled myself of a small part of the episode.  Of course, it was the plot element that would fill me with rage and disgust.  If you’ve read my Young Justice posts, you can guess what it was – Conner’s proposal to Megan.

I’m very puzzled why the writers insist on reuniting the pair.  The creators consistently display a fine attention to detail – there is no way the writers can be oblivious the manipulative, obsessive, and abusive overtones of the relationship.

Conner’s reunion with Megan is simply a case of an abused person returning to their abuser.

Is there a big Conner/Megan fanbase?  Honest question.  The majority of fans preferred pairing for Conner is Tim.  I’ve also seen fan works pairing Conner with Bart Allen, Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, and Cassie Sandsmark.  I don’t often see fanworks supporting the Conner/Megan pairing.   As for Young Justice fans, I would say Wally/Artemis, Bart/Jaime and even the very brief Dick/Zatanna have bigger fanbases.

Color me optimistic but I don’t think the marriage will happen. Conner has apparently been carrying the ring around for over a month.  That’s not the actions of a man certain of his decision.

I feel Conner returned to Megan simply because that’s the only non-familial love he’s known.  Besides his family and super-hero friends, Conner is pretty isolated.  And he’s not great in social situations.  The return to Megan, as nauseating as it is, probably feels like a return to normalcy.

I don’t know, I just have a feeling something will happen to end the relationship.  Megan will either revert to her mind-ripping ways – once again breaking Conner’s trust and ending the relationship – or Megan dies by the end of the season.

The prequel issues stated Psimon is back and holding a grudge.  Megan has other victims – that may or may not have recovered – that will hold grudges.  If you’ve read the 1980’s Teen Titans comic you know that Psimon is a vicious and vindictive man.  And he’s all about the sneak attacks.  If I was Megan, I’d be worried.

The creators are rather determined to ignore any consequences for Megan’s actions and to make her life “happy-happy”. I think it’s suspicious.

A hero dies in every season of Young Justice.  Season 1 had Kent Nelson. The video game had Tula.  Jason Todd and Ted Kord died during the time jump.  Wally died in the second season.  The odds of a hero not dying during season 3 aren’t great.  Why promote Megan so hard in the prequel comics? And handwave away any consequences of her actions? Could it be because Megan has a target on her back?

Maybe Psimon strikes during the wedding – causing the erasure of Megan’s mind and later death? Talk about karma!  

Or it could be wishful thinking on my part as I loathe the Conner/Megan pairing!

On to the episode…

We replay the ending of the final episode of the previous season.

July 4, the Watchtower

Kaldur argues with Dick: “This is no time for you to resign.”

Dick insists he’s not resigning, simply taking a leave of absence.

July 4, Markovburg, Two years later:

A young man is told of his sister’s death. Said sister is not only alive but is being experimented on: “Initiate tar protocol”.

Poor Ana’s metagene is not only activated but she is transformed into an energy-tar creature and transported to Rann.

The confused Ana-tar creature attacks members of the Justice League – Ice, Wonder Woman, Black Lightning, Superman, John Stewart, Martian Manhunter – Alanna, and Adam Strange.

Ana dies. Alana scans the creatures and realizes it is a 14 years-old earth child.

The “Young Justice Outsiders” theme is haunting and ominous.  It also clearly displays Apokolips.

July 27, the Watchtower: Megan, rocking the White Martian look, praises the Alpha squad while mentioning the Gamma squad still needs training.

Steel and Black Lightning arrive at the Watchtower. The Justice League are holding a meeting to determine Black Lightning’s fate.  It was his energy blast that killed poor Ana.

Surprise!  Kaldur is now Aquaman and the leader of the Justice League!  It would explain why Kaldur was absent from the promotional trailers and materials.

Megan is leader of Young Justice.  Boo!

Bat(Kaldur), Wonder Woman, Black Lightning, Black Canary, Green Arrow, Doctor Fate, Captain Marvel, Steel, Rocket, Zatanna, Batman, Red Tornado, Plastic Man, Katana, Flash, Hardware, Batwoman, Superman, Ice, John Stewart, and the Martian Manhunter.

Hardware is from the same Milestone universe as Rocket, Icon, and Static.  

Batwoman is a surprise.

Diana confirms meta-human trafficking has spread from earth to other worlds.

Batman, Green Arrow, Black Canary, and Black Lightning are very frustrated with the lack of progress in stopping the meta-human trafficking.

Lex Luthor is the United Nation’s secretary general – and is using the position to be a pain in the League’s rumps.

Batman is done: “But all that matters is the mission. If the UN is a roadblock to that mission, then we remove it by removing the League.”

Kaldur and Diana are not down with that plan.

Bruce and Oliver resign their League memberships.

Bruce’s resignation is accurate to the founding of the Outsiders in the comic books. Back in the 1980s, Bruce needed to rescue Lucius Fox from a foreign country.  The Justice League’s agreement with the United Nations didn’t allow Batman or the League to enter said country. Bruce said “I quit”, formed the Outsiders, stormed the country, and rescued Lucius.

Hardware, Plastic Man, Katana, and Batwoman promptly resign. Katana and Kate aren’t a surprise – Kate is Bruce’s cousin and a Gotham gal and Katana has always been Team Batman.  Plastic Man has been a strong ally of Batman since the late 1990s. Hardware is a surprise as he has no connection with Bruce or Oliver.

Dinah accuses Bruce, Oliver, and company of planning this in advance.  Oliver asks Dinah to join the group, she refuses.  It’s safe to say Dinah and Oliver are taking a break.  Breaks are standard operating procedure for Ollie and Dinah so I’m not overly worried for the future of their relationship.

Jefferson swears he wasn’t part of Bruce and Ollie’s stunt but he came to the meeting to resign in person.

Kaldur and Diana decides to issue a statement disowning their former members’ future actions.

The Young Justice team are chilling in the waiting area. Jaime and Bart are chatting – BFFs or dating? If they are dating, will the show ever make it official?  Tim and Cassie are next to each other – they were thrown together in the season finale – so, still dating? Is it serious? Steph and Cissie are hanging out – a friendship that has strong possibilities.  Unfortunately, the girls never had much interaction in the comics.

Batman strolls in and announces “It’s time.” Robin and Arrowette leave with their mentors.  Tim doesn’t surprise me.  I’ve always felt Tim was the most loyal to Bruce out of all his Robins.  Dick, Jason, and have always banged heads with Bruce.  Damian, if forced to choose, would side with Dick over Bruce.  Tim is Bruce’s “ride or die” Robin.

I’m surprised over Stephanie and Cissie.  As I said earlier, Steph routinely goes against Bruce’s wishes.  Cissie has never had much – if any – interaction with Ollie in the comics.

Bruce asks Jeff to join his group – Jeff refuses as he doesn’t trust Batman and doesn’t want to be part of Batman Incorporated.

Jeff and Bruce have a different relationship as Jeff is very “Team Batman” in the comics.

Are we going to get Batman Incorporated? With a Knight & Squire appearance?

Jeff apologizes to Static: “I’m sorry, Virgil.  Maybe you can find a new mentor. One who is less damaged.”

The duo doesn’t have any type of connection in the comics but it’s a natural relationship.

The rest of Young Justice – especially Cassie and Bart – are very confused as to what is going on.

Moscow, July 28: A disguised Dick Grayson, in communication with Oracle, rescue a few meta-human trafficking victims.

So how long will the writers wait until the identity of Oracle is revealed to the viewers? And will the Joker be responsible for Barbara’s paralysis?

Dick is tracking down Bedlam, who is responsible for the tar mutation goop.

Oracle has spent time around Bart as she refers to something as “crash”.

We switch to Markovia. King Viktor and Queen Illona DeLamb-Markov are holding a press conference. Princess Tara disappeared two years ago.  Brion has recently returned from studying abroad.

The royal couple speaks out in support of Quarqi refugees – fleeing the recent invasion of a Queen Bee-led Biayla - and against metahuman trafficking.

Brion asks Dr. Jace about the results of his meta-gene testing. He tested positive. Brion wants his meta-gene activated.

Dr. Jace was a supporting cast member of the Outsiders in the comic books.

Dick is in Star City. Barbara informs Dick of Bruce and company’s mass resignation. Dick insists he “can’t worry about that now.”

Babs has determined the likely location of the meta-trafficking in Markovia but insists Dick will need backup.

Dick is way ahead of her.

We discover Artemis has moved to Star City and lives with Roy Harper and Lian.

Roy is going by “Will”.

Where’s Cheshire? Did she go back to the dark side?

Where’s young Roy? I don’t remember seeing him on the Watchtower.

July 29th” Future Halo is in the Markovian castle. She lets in others who quickly murder the King and Queen.

Queen Illona’s brother kills the intruder. I’m very suspicious of Queen Illona’s brother.

Dick approaches Happy Harbor.

Hey, there’s Wolfe! Enjoying a nice nap.

Conner is worried about Superman being off planet for so long. He feels a burden to step into Superman’s shoes.

Dick arrives to recruit Conner. Conner agrees. Dick reminds Conner that it’s a non-super suit mission. As in, you can’t wear the “S” shirt.

Dick leaves to find his next recruit.

It’s both interesting – an odd- that Dick didn’t ask Megan along.  Her powers – telepathy, shape-changing, invisibility, phasing – are perfect for covert mission.  Conner’s abilities and personality are the exact opposite of covert.  The reason can’t be that he’s afraid of leaving Young Justice without a leader – Dick states it’s a one-day mission.  So why not bring Megan? Has Dick discovered her mind-wiping spree? Or her assault on Conner’s mind? Has he lost trust in Megan?  I am baffled as to why Dick wouldn’t recruit Megan unless its due to personal issues.

Megan falls back to her manipulative ways: “I don’t want to be that kind of girlfriend, but…I just lost a big chunk of my team to whatever Batman’s got going. I was sort of counting on you.”

Conner’s only going to be gone for 24 hours! Stop being so clingy, needy, and manipulative.

Conner hastens to assure Megan: “You can always count on me. I can prove it.”

Cue the vomit-inducing proposal scene.

Conner, you poor, poor fool. Megan’s playing you like a puppet and you don’t even realize it.  I don’t buy Megan’s “surprised” act.  Megan’s a very powerful telepath – even if she wasn’t purposely reading his mind, there is no way she didn’t catch hints of Conner buying a ring.

I’m very cynical about Megan.  How can we be sure she hasn’t been pushing Conner to propose? Megan is prone to living/retreating in a fantasy life – and she’s been obsessed with and molded Conner from day one.

Sure, Megan’s rocking the White Martian appearance, indicating more acceptance of herself, but her human form is still very “Hello, Megan”.

G. Gordon Godfrey is back. He wants martial law. Queen Illona’s brother claims it was a Quarci metahuman refugee who assassinated his sister and brother in-law.

The Baron states that he will serve as regent as Gregor and Brion, the royal twins, are only 17 years old. If I was the twins, I would be very worried for my safety.

Brion contacts Dr. Jace – he wants his meta-gene activated post-haste.

Metropolis: Jefferson kisses his daughters goodnight.  Hi, Anissa and Jennifer!

Jeff informs Lynn that he’s giving up the costumed life.

Lynn doesn’t believe him: “I’m the sister of a Green Lantern and the ex-wife of a Black Lightning. I know how this quitting the life thing goes.”

Lynn is the sister of John Stewart? That’s a new twist.

Jeff leaves the house and immediately tells Dick “No”.

Dick persists. Jeff insists he “can’t” – his powers aren’t working.

Dick informs Jeff that he “came for the man, not the powers”.

July 30, Midnight: Dick is at the meeting spot. Artemis zetas in. Conner arrives in the sphere-ship, Jeff shows up, and the group head to Markovia.

Cute ending scene – Artemis’s dog sleeps with a Wally plush.

I enjoyed the episode minus the Megan parts. It was pure set-up but I’m very intrigued by Bruce and Oliver’s upcoming shenanigans.  And you can’t go wrong with the Dick-Conner-Artemis trio.

And we have two more episodes! Exciting!

[grandraconteur]

Wish You Were Here, Chapter 4

Hallucinations of his dead father had haunted Peter for years. Symptoms of trauma, a child psychologist told his Aunt and Uncle with a well-practiced sympathetic smile on her saccharine face. A natural result from surviving the car accident.

Except Peter just saw his father, and he was very much alive.

With the help of his mentor, Tony Stark, and the mysterious figure, Doctor Stephen Strange, Peter is going to have to delve into new details from a painful history to uncover the truth...

Iron Dad, Doctor Dad, Spider Son, and slow burn Ironstrange.

As always, betaed by the incomparable @merelypassingtime

Please enjoy!

1, 2, 3

Also on AO3

1, 2, 3

Chapter 4: Comfortably Numb (Part 2)

Come on, now.  

I hear you're feeling down.

Well, I can ease your pain,

Get you on your feet again.

~ "Comfortably Numb," Pink Floyd, The Wall, November 30, 1979

Around dinner time that night, someone knocked at the apartment door.

Peter was still holed up in his room, May thankfully agreeing to give him more space as long as he promised not to play Spiderman that night. He hardly paid the visitor mind, until May’s characteristic knock on his door.

“Peter? Mr. Stark’s here for you.”

With his advanced physiology, Peter was pretty sure he made some kind of record from his bed to open the door, ignoring entirely the fact that he was still dressed in his pajamas. Mr. Stark jerked back slightly at the abruptness of the movement, but, as always, played it cool and used the movement to appear as if he was looking Peter up and down. “Mr. Parker, dare I say you played hooky today?”

Before Peter could answer, Mr. Stark turned to Aunt May with his version of an apologetic smile, though it seemed far less sympathetic and more for show. “Mind if I talk to the kid in private? Got something important to discuss.”

“You mean like the last time you had to ‘talk privately’ and Peter ended up in Germany to fight a bunch of criminals under the guise of an internship?” She drawled, raising an eyebrow archly and crossing her arms.

“Yeah...that was...extenuating circumstances and kind of urgent. But this is just paperwork. Superhero business. Nothing that will require him to leave the tri-state area.”

“It’s fine, Aunt May, nothing to worry about!” Peter tugged at Mr. Stark’s sleeve, pulling him into the room. “Like he said, just some paperwork. But, you know, private Avengers business-”

“Not quite an Avenger yet, kid. Turned me down, remember?”

“-private...friendly neighborhood superhero business. We’ll be done in a jiffy!”

Before the door could close, May put her hand on it. Looking Peter dead in the eye, she remarked, “Peter...swear to me this isn’t anything dangerous. Because you do not need any more stress right now.”

That pointed look, earnest yet brooking no argument, nearly caused Peter to give in and spill everything. But, he reminded himself, he didn’t know everything yet, so…

He’d spare her, just a little longer.

“I promise.”

The door closed on Aunt May’s dubious and slightly concerned face. Peter leaned against the back of the door, breathing a sigh of temporary relief.

“Well, can’t say it looks like you’ve taken my advice.”

Mr. Stark looked him over with an apparent detached critical assessment that did not quite belie his concern.

“I’ve been doing nothing but homework, Mr. Stark. I haven’t even been Spidermaning this weekend.”

“And yet, you look like the poster image of teenage depression. Probably why Aunt Hottie had a Mayo Clinic page about it open on her laptop when I came in.”

Peter started to comment on ‘Aunt Hottie’ but redirected when the rest of Mr. Stark’s sentence registered. “She did?”

“Yeah. Might help if you got dressed. Seems to fool them. Though I have to say, I am flattered by your show of support. Terribly outdated, though. What is that, Mark VII?”

Glancing down, Peter let out a little eep at the realization he was in the Iron Man pajamas May bought him last Christmas. He crossed his arms across his chest nervously. “Well, you know. They were on clearance.”

“Oh, ouch. Hit me where it hurts, why don’t you? Though I haven’t seen any Spiderman merchandise, clearance or otherwise. ”

With a quick look around the place, Mr. Stark took a seat on Peter’s bed, patting the spot beside him in invitation like it was his own room and not the teenager’s. Fumbling a bit, Peter sat down, running his hands over the tops of his legs in a restless motion.

“So…?”

With an expressive breath, Mr. Stark took out his phone and snapped it forward slightly, producing a holographic image of a file with the Stark logo and a name.

  Dr. Stephen Strange.

“Turns out Shield was good for something. I was able to access their archived security footage from around the globe for Friday to analyze, plus I had her scour social media, looking for a facial match or mention of his name.”

Heart pounding in his chest, the hairs on his arms standing on end, Peter leaned forward expectantly. “And?”

“And...well, see for yourself.”

The holographic folder flipped open, revealing several photos.

In the last few days, when Peter couldn’t help himself from fretting about what Friday would find, he’d considered several possibilities ranging from awful (it was a fake, his dad was dead, his dad had a new family that he’d abandoned Peter for) to simply nothing. Somehow, considering anything positive that would suitably explain his absence had given him the sensation of having a rock tucked under his ribs.

After all that theorizing and thought, the Instagram post Tony brought up on the holographic display was not exactly what he’d expected. Still, looking at the man who was clearly his dad...it took one weight off his shoulders and put another one on them. Hot and cold rolled down his body like waves, the contradictory sensations leaving him floundering.

“He’s...”

“Alive, if this and the rest of the footage Friday tracked down is to be believed.”

Peter’s stupor was momentarily distracted as he took in the content of the picture, his brow pinching as he recognized…

“Does that t-shirt say-”

“Yup. Your dad’s a One Directioner. Congratulations, kid.”

Indeed, his dad was wearing a rather loud, pink shirt with “Just Call Me the Future Mrs. Harry Styles” written in a garish cursive. He did not appear to be particularly pleased with his attire, though, a severe frown marring his features that spoke of a man at the end of his exhaustive rope. Beside him sat an incredibly smug looking East Asian man in Eastern style robes with a shaved head and a huge smile, one hand clearly holding the phone up for the selfie, the other pointed at Stephen. The caption beneath the image read “Today, Stephen learned the hard way that betting against me is the ‘Wong’ choice! ;D #Onedirection #harrystylesforever”

“Or rather, Mr…..” Mr. Stark leaned forward, squinting at the hologram. “So-wong-its-right is if you want to go by his Instagram handle. Which is a good thing, because otherwise we probably wouldn’t have been able to prove anything about your dad’s existence.”

Waving across the image, the page turned once again to show what looked like security footage taken from a camera. Not in the United States, though.

“Is that China?”

“Hong Kong, to be more precise. About six years ago. Facial recognition didn’t have any luck finding matches to your dad by himself, but when we found his buddy there, that was a whole new story.” Zooming in, the image focused on his father’s friend, strolling down a crowded street that was so atmospheric you could nearly smell it, some sort of club in his hand. Beside him, his face partly obscured by the tall collar of a bright red cloak, was a man that looked suspiciously like Stephen.

“See those pants and boots?” Mr. Stark zoomed in closer on said articles, the blue robes a similar Eastern style to the other man’s, with the addition of the cloak, the pattern on which looked oddly familiar. Turning back to the Instagram photo, Mr. Stark tapped on what could be seen of Stephen’s pants, the bright blue visible under the pink shirt.

“Based on his horrible taste in clothing and general appearance, we can be pretty damn sure that is also your dad there with this Wong character.”

“From six years ago…”

“Meaning that with these two images, we can already determine that he has been cropping up in places not only unrelated to you, but also since before your little run-in with the genetically modified arachnid.”

Okay, so that was...that was…“Shit...” Peter breathed, running a hand through his hair.

Mr. Stark leaned back, looking at Peter with raised brows and twitching lips. “Such language, Mister Parker.” Though his words were teasing, his tone was mild. “Though, to be fair to you, I think I’d have gone with something a lot less PG-rated after that bombshell.”

Peter mostly ignored him, reaching out to flick through the pages of the file. More images from security footage sped past him, showing similar levels of mysterious circumstances, with Wong and Stephen often appearing in areas that looked like they had recently experienced some kind of attack. And in each one, Stephen’s face was somehow blocked from view, either by the twisting of his body, something in his hands, or his cloak catching an unnatural looking wind.

“There is some weirdness here for sure. According to the archives, all of these locations received a sudden flux in activity-- alert messages, panic response, emergency personnel called to the scene-- and then whatever the trouble was just...vanished, right about the same time these two showed up. All of it. Like nothing had ever happened.”

Crossing his arms, Peter looked over the images carefully, seeking....something. The kind of something you knew was something only once you saw it. “What could cause that, though? And what does it have to do with my dad?”

Mr. Stark exhaled sharply through his nose. Resting his cheek in his hand, Mr. Stark inclined his head to the teenager. “Honestly, I don’t know, Pete. I haven’t seen anything like this. Shield never told the Avengers about it, because according to their records they determined it to be a low-level threat and just kept it monitored. At this point, your guess is as good as mine.”

“But do you have any kind of, like...intuition about it?”

“Nothing good.”

Chills instantly invaded Peter’s spine at his mentor's words. The feeling was close enough to his Spider-sense that it unnerved him some, fearing this was more premonition than normal human response. Either way, Peter’s own instincts mirrored his mentor’s: This was nothing good.

“There’s one last thing you should know.”

Blinking, Peter looked at Mr. Stark, whose face rapidly twitched with different emotions as he looked off into space. “Is this going to be one of those clichés like in movies where I’m going to hate what you say next because it suddenly makes everything a whole lot worse?”

“Oh, no, I know you’re going to love it. That’s why I’m so hesitant to tell you.” Flipping through several more pages, Mr. Stark landed on a close-cropped shot of Wong standing on a familiar looking street.

“That’s the street where I fought the Eldritch Horror! Bleecker Street, right?”

At Mr. Stark’s impressed glance, Peter shrugged one shoulder. “I have an eidetic memory.”

“Impressive, though I was marveling more over the Lovecraft reference. Didn’t know you were a fan of horror.”

“I’m not really, but MJ convinced me and Ned to help her start a group for Contemporary Cthulhu Worship at our middle school.”

“Cthulhu worship? Should I be worried that you three accidentally summoned the something on Bleecker Street?”

“No! We never did anything; MJ just wanted to protest the preferential treatment the Christian Group got.”

Tony raised an eyebrow.

“It’s a long story,” Peter demurred.

“Be that as it may…” Mr. Stark trailed off, motioning back to the hologram. “Friday tracked down several instances of this guy-- Wong apparently-- exiting and entering the same building on Bleecker from some more recent security cameras we…‘accessed’. She found some of your dad, too, albeit shielding his face as he seems to have a habit of doing. Including one just a few days ago.”

On the images dated for that past Friday, Stephen appeared strolling down the block, hands in his pockets and face turned down, dressed as he had been in the footage Karen recorded. The thick red scarf-- which closely resembled the pattern of the cloak in other photos, Peter realized-- wrapped snugly around his neck and concealing the lower half of his face. On the last slide, Stephen entered a peculiar looking brownstone.

“The address is 177A Bleecker Street.”

“You...you found where he lives? ”

“Friday did,” Mr. Stark corrected. “Or we think we did. We can’t be quite sure.”

It eclipsed every expectation Peter had imagined, and he had imagined a lot, especially considering he was supposed to avoid all speculation. His father was alive. Living in Greenwich Village. Living in the same city. Had been for who knows long, and yet…

Suddenly lightheaded, Peter released a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding and braced himself on his knees. A calloused hand rubbed at his back, Mr. Stark uttering a quiet “You’re alright” that barely registered in Peter’s shocked mind.

In. Out. In. Out... It might have worked better if he couldn’t still hear that order in his father’s voice.

When he did regain some semblance of control, Peter quietly muttered, “Why would you tell me that he lives here?”

“I promised you all the data I could find, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, but….you know me. I can’t...I can’t just ignore that. I need to try to talk to him.”

Mr. Stark said nothing, continuing to rub Peter’s back. It was a grounding gesture and Peter focused on it as his mind began to stray towards the rocky shores of fear and self-loathing, left by his father’s apparent abandonment.

“You’re right. I know that about you. But, I also know what it’s like to have vital, life-altering facts withheld from you by someone you trust. Intimately. It’s not a fun feeling.”

“I don’t like telling you,” Mr. Stark continued, moving his hand to grip Peter’s shoulder. “But as I see it, I don’t have a choice, not if I want to be able to live with myself. I’m just gonna have to trust you. And offer to go with you if you do want to meet your dad again.”

“You’d...do that?”

“Better believe it, underoos. You’re my only mentee, and I’m pretty partial to you at this point. Plus, it’d be hell training up someone new.” Mr. Stark ruffled Peter’s hair, continuing, “Not that I really have you trained all that well. Maybe I should start fresh with something easier to train than a teenager. Maybe a goldfish.”

“Mr. Stark…”

“Yeah, I know. No ethical pet store would sell me a goldfish. Guess I’m stuck with you.”

To his shame, Peter felt tears stinging his eye, and he wiped them away surreptitiously on the back of one hand. He suspected Mr. Stark pretended not to notice. “So that means I should probably keep you safe.”

Standing, Mr. Stark moved for the door, grousing as something in his left shoulder popped as he stretched. Peter watched numbly as he did something on his phone, swiping away the hologram and typing into its surface. “I’m sending the file to your computer so you can look through it. If you’ve got any questions, contact me. Day or night. I’m usually up both.”

The older man paused as he grasped the doorknob, looking back at Peter. His eyes held an unusually tender quality as he said, “I really hope you’ll take me up on my offer to go with you. I know he’s your dad, but we don’t have any clue what the hell is going on. It’s like nothing I’ve ever seen before, and I’ve seen most of what there is to phone home about.” As Mr. Stark pushed the door closed, he added, “Think about it.”

After he left, Peter sat in brooding contemplation, the image of his father’s brownstone etched into his mind.

***

When he was nine, Aunt May and Uncle Ben formally adopted him. Along with getting full custody of him now that his father was “dead,” the legal proceedings opened up a new possibility.

Changing Peter’s surname.

On some level, he’d wanted to stay Peter Strange. At the time he hadn’t been totally cognizant of it, but now Peter believed his desire stemmed from his need to keep even that small, tenuous connection to his father. Everything back then had been about that.

But Ben and May had looked so hopeful when they suggested it, and the kids at school had taken to taunting him for being the Strange Orphan; the parentless freak.

So he’d accepted, and, mostly, he hadn’t looked back.

There were times since, though, when he wondered if he was denying a part of himself. Or hiding from it. Trying to cut off the part of himself that was a constant reminder of what he was missing, like a phantom limb, there and not there, forever itching but unable to be scratched.

The name had little influence in that regard, really. Significance is in the eye of the beholder, and something like a name can only hold so much power over you if you let it. It wasn’t the name, it was the origin.

It wasn’t Strange, it was his Dad.

Now, if Peter really wanted to be free of that drag, then as far as he could see he had two options. Cut it off the rest of the way, or reattach it.

And there was only one way for Peter to decide which course he wanted to take.

“Hey, Karen,” Petter said with forced cheer as he slipped on the mask. “I, uh, I really need you to do something for me.”

“Yes, Peter?”

“I need you to swear, I mean, swear up and down, invoke any protocols necessary to do it, that you won’t tell Mr. Stark what I am about to do.”

“That doesn’t sound very wise,” she intoned. “It is my function to ensure your safety, and if calling Mr. Stark -”

“Karen, please. I am literally begging you right now, okay? I just...I really need to do this on my own. If I get knocked out, or...or something, then fine. But please, please give me a chance? I need this.”

There was brief silence on the line, during which Peter’s heart beat so furiously in his ears he wasn’t sure if he could have heard the AI’s reply if she made one. Finally, though, she spoke up.

“Direct alarms to Friday offline.”

Brushing at his eyes through his mask (for all the good it would do him), Peter let his body relax just slightly. “Thank you.”

“Please be careful, Peter. Mr. Stark had a point.”

“I know. He always does. And he’s probably right, logically. But this isn’t...”

It wasn’t about logic.

It was about closure.

When Peter heard no more from the AI, he took that as his cue to do this before he chickened out.

Glancing down from the roof of 177A Bleecker Street into the large, open window he’d spotted before, Peter leaped down, swinging into his father’s brownstone.

----------------

Before you all kill me for another cliffhanger, I swear chapter 5 is flowing well and should be out next week. ;)

Speaking of the next chapter...the next chapter is called "Coming Back to Life."

[winterverses]

Walking Wounded - Chapter Forty-One

“Vital signs have not returned to normal, although they are still within normal ranges for stress, Captain,” Dr. Hayes reported. In the absence of McCoy, she was CMO, and Kirk had invited her to the bridge where she could keep him updated without delays. “Uhura is taking it well. Hardesty is not, although she’s within expectations. McCoy and Scotty are average.”

“Incoming transmission, Captain,” Hawkins said. “Coded burst from Lieutenant Uhura. They’ve been picked up by one of Loche’s ships. They’re being taken in tractor. Loche’s men knew Ms. Hardesty was aboard. Lieutenant Uhura says they expect to be at the base within the next twelve hours.”

“Acknowledged, Lieutenant,” Kirk said. “Communicate our status to the Farragut-A and add that we expect to move pending Scotty’s reports on the inside of the base, estimate three days given current intelligence.”

“Captain,” Dr. Hayes said. “Permission to speak with you privately.”

Kirk looked sharply at her, then nodded. “In the conference room, Hayes.” She nodded and left the bridge, and Kirk gave a few last-minute instructions to Chekov before handing over the conn.

As he walked into the conference room, he saw Hayes studying the readouts with a frown. “No, nothing’s changed,” she said. “They’re all right. But if they expect to be at the base that quickly, you had better get some rest.”

“Is this your advice as a physician?” Kirk asked dryly.

Hayes smirked at him. “No, Captain. If I want to give you official medical advice, I won’t bother doing it in private. But you’ve been awake since yesterday, and if anything were going to happen it would have happened now or it'll happen when they arrive. We should both rest up for a few hours, let the others spell us off, and then we’ll be fresh for it when they get to the base.”

Kirk watched her, but could detect nothing beyond concern. And he had to admit she was right. “Good idea. Thanks, Claudia.”

“Does this mean I can call you Jim?” she asked, and for a moment he saw that her nerves were about as frayed as his beneath her cool, beautiful facade. He nodded. “Do you want some company, Jim? I think I’d rather not worry myself to death alone right now.”

Kirk eyed her skeptically; he hadn’t noticed her attraction to him, and he wondered if he would notice it if she meant to act on it. He had to admit he wasn’t sure how he would handle it if she did. Anne had encouraged him not to restrain himself, but that was probably a can of worms best left unopened. Especially at the moment. Kirk sighed. “Sure. But I’m warning you, I’m not going to be very good company.”

Claudia shook her head. “Me neither. Dinner, drinks, and off to sleep. And I promise I won’t talk about Leonard too much if you don’t talk about Anne too much.”

An unwilling smile crossed Kirk’s lips. “We’ll work that one out.” He flipped open his communicator. “Mr. Chekov. You will remain at the conn until relieved; Dr. Hayes and I are going to get some rest while we can.” Chekov acknowledged.

Claudia was already contacting the med bay, assigning someone else to watch over the away team’s vitals. As they left the conference room, she flipped her communicator shut, and then paused with it still in her hand. “Should we contact Spock?”

Kirk shook his head. “He’ll be asleep. If he wasn’t, he’d be at his post already. I’d have to stun him to get him away.” His mouth twisted. “We’ll get him if something happens. We don’t all have to be worrying at once.”

“That’s fair.” She tucked her communicator away.

“You haven’t cleared those vitals,” Kirk said, glancing at the padd she still carried.

“Did you really want me to?” Claudia asked skeptically. When he didn’t answer, she said, “I didn't think so.”

Kirk half-laughed at himself, sounding bitter to his own ears. “Yeah, well, as long as I’m not watching them myself I’ll probably be fine.”

Without thinking about it, he soon found himself at his quarters, gesturing for Claudia to follow him in. “What do you even do in situations like this?” he asked, not really expecting an answer. “I’m not cut out for sitting and waiting. I always go with the away teams.” Yanking off the gold overtunic, he tossed it on one of the couches and kicked off his boots. As he walked barefooted to one of the wall cabinets that he knew still had a bottle or two of something in it, he heard Claudia moving behind him.

When he turned, he saw that she was punching an order into the food synthesizer. “Any requests?” she asked.

“God, I don’t know. Something sugary as shit. Pie. Cookies.” He snorted. “Anne calls them biscuits. I don’t even think she’s being pretentious. The way she talks sometimes… hell, I don't even know where she’s from.”

Claudia tapped a few keys on the padd. “That’s odd. South Africa, originally. You would think she’d have mentioned it. She must have had some voice training to change her accent. American accents do tend to be more common off-planet.”

That... couldn't be right. “I know I’ve heard French when she was stressed. For someone who’s not very interesting, she’s sure got a lot of mysterious shit going on,” Kirk said, popping the cap on one of the bottles and pouring some into a glass. It was… bourbon? Maybe?

“And I've heard that before. What’s that ‘interesting’ business?” Claudia asked, grabbing the food from the synthesizer. He saw a massive pile of chocolate chip cookies on one plate, and a stack of sandwiches stuffed with fried things and cheese on the other.

“...thank god. I don’t think I could have handled it if you’d gotten us salad,” Kirk said. Collapsing onto the couch, he set the bottle and the glasses down on the table. Claudia stepped around and put down the plates, grabbing a sandwich and her unidentified booze. It felt so weird to sit on the couch with someone and not immediately have them move in close. He'd gotten so used to Anne being there. “The not-interesting thing, that’s just something she said in the first few days when I asked her about herself.”

Claudia shook her head, but more like she recognized it immediately than not. “I can’t explain that in any detail without breaking confidentiality. There are some personality issues there.”

“I’m pretty sure you don’t need to explain it,” Kirk said, grabbing a cookie and dunking it in his booze. “Anyway, we weren’t going to talk about her or about McCoy. How did you meet him, anyway?”

Sighing, Claudia said, “He cheated on his wife with me when we were in med school.”

“What?” Kirk dropped his cookie and had to fish it out of his bourbon. “I mean, uh… something less surprised. Seriously?”

She just shrugged. “We were young, okay? And he’d just gotten married and it was already going badly and… It’s all ancient history. We’re friends. Well, after we reconnected in Starfleet, anyway.” She laughed softly. “Then I got chased away by his third wife for a couple years. It’s the first time I’ve seen him since before your five year mission started.”

“Huh.” Kirk couldn’t help but stare. “I’m not sure if I’m more impressed that he never said anything, or that he didn’t marry you, or… you know, I give up. It’s just all impressive.” He paused, taking a bite of his booze-soaked cookie, and then talking around it. “Anne figured it out, I think. She said something about the way you looked at him.”

To his surprise, Claudia looked concerned, a little guilty. “Am I that obvious?”

“No, no! I didn’t even notice. Well, I did after she told me what to look for.” Claudia frowned, and he hurried to add, “I mean I made her tell me.” Kirk saw her suspicion building, and sighed. “Fine, all right, Anne said something about you being a good rebound for me after she was gone unless Bones got there first, and I grilled her because I didn’t believe her because you weren’t obvious, okay?”

Claudia just raised her eyebrows, her lips pressing together briefly. “Well at least I know I wasn’t making a fool of myself. What an awful thing to have your Captain find out.” She shook her head philosophically. “It’s nothing personal. You’re attractive, but I need to have a professional relationship with you. That’s far more important to me than attraction.”

“Damn, shot down before I could even try,” Kirk said drolly. “As long as you don’t marry Bones, because I don’t want to have to get rid of one of you when you break up.”

Knocking back some of her booze, Claudia coughed slightly and shook her head. “I wouldn’t marry him. He’s got too many ex-wives. Makes me nervous.” She glanced sidelong at Kirk. “Besides, I’m not sure I have a position here once we get back to Yorktown.”

“You’re fine here,” Kirk said. This was settled already, had been since her first day.

“Yeah, but… it depends on Anne. If things don’t work out well enough, I’ll stay on at Yorktown. Command will have me, so it’s not like my career would suffer too much.” At Kirk’s skeptical look, she added, “Not that I want to leave. I'd much rather stay with the ship. But… I can’t just leave her if she needs me.”

“All you ever do is argue,” Kirk said, bemused. He wasn't sure he'd seen them on good terms… well, ever.

Claudia smiled, a quick flash of affectionate humor not directed at him. “Do you know anyone else she’s comfortable enough to argue with?”

Kirk had to concede the point. Something Claudia had said when they’d had that first misinterpretation jumped back out at him. “I thought personal feelings were a bad idea, Doctor?”

She acknowledged his point with a nod. “They are. Told you I’d been there.”

“Over and over, I bet,” Kirk said, shaking his head. A bit of honesty escaped from him before he could stop it. “I feel kind of… weird. To think you could change your entire life for a patient, and yet I can’t do it for someone I… I don't know. I don't even know what I'm trying to say.” He didn't want to look up. If he had to see what was on Claudia’s face, he might have answers… and at least if it was all just questions, there was no finality yet.

If she knew what was going through his head, she didn't indulge it for one second. “There are different ways of loving people, Jim. Anne loves you for what you are, not what she wishes you were or what would make her happiest. If I had to be a psychologist for either of you right now, I’d be yelling about how terrible that is under these circumstances, but… off the record, as a friend, so long as you both make it through, I think you’re very lucky.” Claudia sipped her drink again. “But I’m not going to say that ever again, because it’s a huge liability and in the end I don’t think it’s going to do anyone any good.”

Well, he'd practically been asking for all that. “You’re probably right. I’m not real great at the long view, though.” Kirk knocked back his bourbon and finished his cookie, grabbing a sandwich, thinking about the food to avoid thinking too hard about Claudia’s wording choices. “There’s never been a reason to think beyond the next mission.” He sighed, devoured half the sandwich in a few bites, and then added, “I don’t know what to do. Hell, I called my mother.”

Claudia blinked, her large brown eyes shocked. “That’s… you're not...”

Kirk gave her a look. Whatever she was thinking,she could just put it right out of her head. “My mom’s the only person I know that I could really ask about having a loved one die on a mission.” As Claudia looked blankly at him, he prompted, “My father. When I was born. George Kirk?”

Recognition finally sparked in her eyes. “Shit. I knew that about you. I did, really, I just… I didn’t connect it. You don’t act like it.”

Mollified, Kirk said, “Good. Anyway, I had to ask my mom what she would do in my position, what she would have done if she’d known Dad might not come back.” He smirked unhappily. “The point is, she told me not to worry about losing Anne later on, just to spend the time well.”

“Am I being your psychologist?” Claudia asked, her voice neutral.

“No. You’re being a friend. What would you do?” He looked over at her and saw that her tawny skin had gone white. There was a spatter of freckles across her nose and cheeks that didn't show up unless she paled. “Right. Bones. Put you and him in my situation with Anne.”

He finished the rest of his sandwich and started another while Claudia thought. “I can’t say I would do anything differently,” she finally said, slowly. “But that’s not what you’re asking, is it? You want to know about the future. What happens if she comes back.”

“When,” Kirk corrected. “When I get her back.”

“When you get her back,” Claudia repeated, then fell silent again. She grabbed a handful of cookies, studying them. “Listen, I don’t know what to tell you. Leonard and I haven’t been together in years. I’m not saying I would, but there’s a chance of it. With Anne… you just don’t know. If you could arrange with her-- if she could follow you, or meet you… if she could stay on...”

“But it’s up to her,” Kirk said, pouring himself some more bourbon.

“And you,” Claudia said gently. “I meant it when I said she loves you. When you get her back, she’ll chase you far enough to get her memories back, for sure. Maybe she’ll chase you past that.” Claudia sighed. “You are pretty well worked into her mind.”

Flicking a crumb off his pants, Kirk tried very hard not to think about what it meant if he was… if Anne was… whatever. This whole situation was crazy. “I suppose that’s encouraging.”

“It should be. You’ve got it set up as best as you can to protect her mind and to get her back safely. I think she’ll be okay. Beyond that, you're going to have to find out yourself.” Glancing around, Claudia sighed, and slumped. “That bourbon is hitting me hard. Can I stay here tonight?”

Giving her a skeptical glance, Kirk said, “Yeah. I’ll take the couch. I’ve crashed on it enough times.”

Claudia’s eyes widened. “No, I’m not kicking you out of bed.” She glanced away, and Kirk suddenly felt that she might not be strictly truthful. “I’m not a fan of Anne’s perfume. I’ll take the couch, if you can lend me something to cover up with.”

Kirk gave her a raised eyebrow. “I can probably scare something up. Nothing of Anne’s will fit you, though.”

Lips quirking, Claudia shook her head. “Of course not, she's half my size. But I’ll sleep in my uniform, I just need a blanket or something.”

Kirk shook his head and stood. He was getting tired too. “Let me check around.” A thorough rummage through his various storage compartments later, he’d found an old pair of shorts and a shirt that one girlfriend or other had left behind by accident, as well as a blanket to cover up with. He gestured toward the wall opposite his room. “There’s a washroom over there. I’ve got my own in the bedroom, so take as long as you need.”

“I’m all right for now. I’ll change after you go to bed.” Yawning behind her hand, Claudia looked up at him. “I’ll set up an alarm so that if their vitals change state, it’ll wake me.”

Kirk felt his shoulders sink in relief. He tossed the blanket and the clothes on the end of the couch. “I appreciate it, Claudia. Really.” Grabbing the bottle of bourbon, he poured himself another generous glass of it and then set it on the table. “I’ll clean up in the morning. Get some rest.”

“You too, Jim,” she said, already at her padd.

He’d finished the glass by the time he made it to the shower in his bedroom, and once he’d come out, he was feeling warm and drowsy. Sliding naked into bed, he settled into the scent of Anne’s perfumed skin, and wished it was still natural for the other side of the bed to feel cold.

[i-dream-of-fairytales]

Having realised that it’s been two months (!!!) since my last update I decided that its about time I posted a life update to explain my absence. One word can explain it all…

Dissertation.

Since May I have been buried in research and journals and surveys, all to help me complete a 15,000 word paper on crowdfunded publishing. A topic that I, thankfully, have been finding incredibly interesting. But I’m also thankfully that I can almost see the end coming, with 2,500 words left to write (final chapter AND conclusion, I’m an over writer apparently) and edits to complete.

But in the past few weeks I’ve also been preparing for my temporary bookshop job that starts next week, and finding a place to live so I can stay in Edinburgh for said job (flats are expensive, I’d been told but now I finally see, ahahaha *hysterical laughter*), and looking for publishing jobs or internships that will let me get my real dream job. It’s been a busy few months, and it also feels like this summer has been going on forever. I love University and my student flat, but I can tell it’s time to get back into the real world, but this time I’m not moving home and I have a MSc under my belt too!

Yet that doesn’t mean I haven’t been reading, because reading has actually been one of the only things that has truly let me relax and get lost in someone else’s worries for a while. I’ve still managed to read 10 books since May so I’m pretty pleased with myself.

The Bear and the Nightingale by Katherine Arden I’ve been waiting to read this book for ages, and thankfully it didn’t disappoint. It was atmospheric, intriguing and unique. Arden built the word so clearly and I was so immersed, though it took me a while to get into the story, once I finally did I loved it. Can’t wait to read the sequel, it just needs to come out in paperback first…

Mort by Terry Pratchett My friend bought me this book for my birthday, I’d never ventured into Terry Pratchett or the Discworld until now but I’m glad she recommended it to me. It was exactly what I needed at the time, fun and light but still so well-built and developed. It actually made me chuckle at points, which is rare in the books I read, and I realised that not all books have to have complex overly detailed books to create a whole new world. It was fun. Which is exactly what reading is supposed to be. I’ll definitely be reading more of the Discworld.

Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert

Around the same time I was also reading this non-fiction novel that the same friend recommended to me. I don’t read a lot of non-fiction (or any really) but this was a breeze to read. There were points that didn’t hit the write note with me, especially when it came to writing, yet I still found inspiring and soothing? That sounds like the wrong word but in a way my soul felt soothed at having read this. Especially at a point when my writing had gotten away from me.

Scythe by Neal Shusterman Another birthday present! One I’d requested, I’d heard so many good things that I wanted to know what it was all about. Although the beginning was slow, the pace and intrigued picked up towards the middle which it desperately needed. I enjoyed the different take on a futuristic world (I’ve read a lot of dystopia so some twisted utopia was a nice change). But I didn’t see what everyone has been raving over? Maybe that will change with the second book, which I will be reading because overall I did enjoy it.

The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon Another recommendation from my friend, though this one had been on my TBR list for quite some time. It wasn’t what I was expecting, it was slower paced, darker, and if I’m honest not as magical realism as I expected it to be. I figured out the mystery quite quickly and wasn’t that attached to the main character, I did however, love the character of his friend who’s name escapes me. It was a good book, but it didn’t blow me away.

The Sudden Appearance of Hope by Claire North

This was the biggest disappointment that I’ve had while reading in a long time. I didn’t even finish it I was so not into it. The concept had intrigued me for ages, a girl who is forgotten every time she’s out of view? What a novel concept with so much potential! And yet… it was slow and boring and nothing ever seemed to happen. Hope could’ve been such a sympathetic main character but she wasn’t, the plot didn’t revolve around her being forgotten, rather a commentary of the idea of being “perfect” and not one that interested me at all. I’m just thankful I picked it up in the library.

Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi After that I went back to good old fantasy, and this book was exactly what I needed. Interesting conflict, plot, characters, and world. And such a badass book with great and much needed representation. It was refreshing to read a fantasy novel based on a culture that has hardly been touched upon, and it worked so well. The only thing that brought it down for me was the romance. It was too quick a turn around and frankly a little unbelievable from both characters. However, it does seem to be setting something up for the next book so I’m willing to let it go because it was a great novel and a much needed read.

Assassin’s Apprentice by Robin Hobb A fantasy writer that I hadn’t read and felt I should. The world was, again, well-built and even though the plot was slow and often unclear, probably more along the lines of a bildungsroman than I expected, I liked the book. I enjoyed Fitz’s narrative and his unusual connect with animals (though – spoiler – I nearly threw my kindle in sea every time a dog died, it was too much Hobb, leave the dogs alone). It was a slow burning book and not the most amazing fantasy I’ve ever read, but extremely enjoyable and I probably will pick up the rest of the series but I’m not rushing and eager to collect them just yet.

The Strange and Beautiful Sorrows of Ava Lavender by Leslye Walton

Pretty sure I read this book in a day. I’ve tried to start it before but didn’t get past the few 20 pages, I think having that level of concentration dedicated to the novel was exactly what I need to get into the story. It was another book I’d heard a lot about, however, I didn’t think it as amazing as everyone else seemed to. The writing was beautiful and I thoroughly enjoyed all of the characters (except for that creep near the end, if you’ve read it you know who I mean). But it didn’t hit all the right notes with me.

 Legendary by Stephanie Garber

I love these covers. It was one of the reasons I picked up the first last year and I’m so glad they kept up the theme. I also really enjoy the story, purely engaging, and so unashamedly YA is something that I like to read every now and again. The plot is interesting and fun, the characters and so loud and bright but I like them anyway, and the world of Caraval is well thought out. I especially liked the further world building that Garber did in this novel with the Fates. I also enjoyed hearing from the sister I kinda disliked in the first book, though I think Scarlett kind of slipped a little in this novel. However, I eagerly wait the conclusion and hope the cover is just as gorgeous.

Currently Reading – The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson I’m not even half way through this novel and I love it so much. Sanderson is a master at fantasy world building and getting me to care about every narrator in his books. I’m so glad this is living up to the hype and I cannot wait to reach the end and start the second one.

Time Flies – A Life and Reading Update. Having realised that it's been two months (!!!) since my last update I decided that its about time I posted a life update to explain my absence.

[geekade]

Macabre Movie Mausoleum: Friday the 13th

Halloween has always been my favorite season, and next week is Friday the 13th. IN OCTOBER!!! I'm so excited I don't know how to contain it. With this rare occurrence of dual holidays, I couldn't help myself gravediggers and undertakers. After reviewing the Nightmare on Elm St series last year, this month I will be reviewing a different installment of the Friday the 13th franchise every week. If I'm going to eventually review Freddy vs Jason, it was inevitable I'd have to delve into Jason's origins, and as such, this week we're going to take a close look at the very first Friday the 13th movie.

Friday the 13th (1980)

Director: Sean S. Cunningham

Starring: Betsy Palmer, Adrienne King, and Kevin Bacon

Before I get into to it, I'd like to point out the parallels of this movie starring Kevin Bacon, and the first Elm St. movie having Johnny Depp. I don't know why I find that so relevant, but I do. Okay, I'm done. Back to the review.

The movie opens at Camp Crystal Lake in my home state of New Jersey, in the summer of 1958. After singing about Jesus with a group of other Jesus singers, two camp counselors sneak off to get busy in a barn, but they are cock-blocked by someone. We, as the audience, can't see who is doing the cock blocking because the camera is in this person's POV, but we watch as they are brutally murdered, and the movie cuts to the title screen. I really like how the movie starts with the death right off the bat. We know this is going to be a brutal movie for everyone involved, and is a nice way to set the tone.

It is now 1979, and we follow a girl traveling to that very same camp, which is reopening for the first time since those murders. She learns from some locals that the year before the two counselors were killed, a boy drowned, and sometime during the 60's when the owners tried to reopen, it was discovered the water was poisoned, and another time several of the lodges were set on fire, each time preventing the camp from reopening. This girl, Annie, gets a ride halfway to the camp, from there she hitches another ride, but... 

...the unseen driver chases her into the woods and kills her.

Although I've seen this movie countless times, it's been a while since I re-watched it, and I was foggy on a lot of the little details. For instance, Annie was portrayed by a horrible actress, and I became worried she was going to have a bigger role. Fortunately, she died early on, sparing us the torture of having to put up with her for too long.

Meanwhile back at the camp, the other counselors have arrived and are put to work while the owner goes into town for supplies, leaving them alone. Kevin Bacon's lovelorn friend wanders off in search of some fun, and is killed off screen. Typically off screen deaths bother me, but with how many kill scenes the movie does have, it actually goes to show how incidental the character was (he was a Miami Dolphins fan after all).

Kevin Bacon has a sex scene with his girlfriend on the bottom of a bunk bed, and they should be glad this isn't a review of raunchiness because that was a disappointing, bland scene. Regardless, his girlfriend needs to take a post-coital leak and goes to the bathroom lodge. In her absence, she learns that her Kevin Bacon was tragically killed off, having had an arrow shoved through the mattress and in the back of his neck, sticking out through his Adam's apple. It is now revealed that Ned, Kevin Bacon's friend, was...

...dead on the upper bunk the entire time.

Thus far we haven't seen the killer, so it's abundantly clear that it is meant to be a surprise, and I'd have to think at the time it was. Even afterwards, people with a passing knowledge of the movie would think it was obvious, based on the legacy this franchise built. Only if you've seen the original Scream do I think anyone would know who the killer was before the reveal later in the movie.

Anyway, back to the killing. Kevin Bacon's girlfriend eats an ax to the face in the bathroom and it is beautifully brutal. Soon after, Brenda, another counselor, hears a little girl crying for help outside her lodge. Following the voice, she's led to the archery range, when suddenly the spot lights turn on blinding her to her attacker. She is also killed off screen. Steve, the owner, finally makes his way back to the camp, and is (you guessed it) promptly killed.

All that remains are Alice and Bill, who grow worried that everyone else is missing, and start looking for people. They find a bloody ax in Brenda's bed, when the power goes out, and all the phone lines are cut. Bill goes to check on the generator, leaving Alice alone. Unfortunately, Bill is also killed off screen, but Alice finds his body in the generator room riddled with arrows. She heads back to the main cabin to hide, when she's attacked with Brenda's dead body being thrown through a window. Unfortunately, the actress sucked at playing dead, and moved a good amount while 'dead' on the floor.

Luckily a car pulls up, and she assumes it's Steve's but she's greeted by a family friend, Pamela Voorhees. While searching for the bodies, Mrs. Voorhees explains how her little son drowned because camp counselors were having sex and not watching him.

From the get go, Alice doesn't trust this lady, and she's quickly justified when Pamela admits to the camp killings, fires, poisoning, and all the tragedies that have befallen the camp since her son's death. A fight to the death ensues that leads from the lodge to the lake, where Alice finally gets the upper hand and decapitates Voorhees with a machete.

She drifts in a canoe on the lake for a while where she eventually spends the night. Upon waking up to police on shore calling out to her, Alice is dragged underwater by a burned/disfigured boy.

Alice later wakes up in a hospital, and is told by an officer that there was no boy there. “He's still there.” Fade to black

On to the rating…

This is a classic for a reason, and deserves the icon status that it's received over the years, even if there are several glaring logic flaws. For instance, if Mrs. Voorhees was acting alone, how did she throw Brenda's body through the window only moments before she drove up in the car? Or, why would she reveal herself to Alice and speak to her when she killed everyone else right off the bat (save for Annie in the beginning). But the one that annoys me the most, how did Pamela so handily kill everyone in the camp, but was then stopped by Alice who was so clever she hid in a pantry?

I know it was a staple for horror movies of this era to have bad acting, but if the entire movie was on par with Annie's abilities, I don't think there would have been any sequels. Which, in 2017, knowing how iconic Jason Voorhees has become, it's amazing to think that he wasn't even in this movie, and couldn't have been so much as a thought in the marketing process. Today we look at the movie and say 'wow it's really cool that they went with Jason's mother for the movie' but in reality, Jason was probably never even discussed.

With 11 sequels (no, I'm not reviewing them all) it's incredible to see how much they did with so little, and for that I will always give credit. And that's not even mentioning the amazing, instantly recognizable music; tchee tchee tchee ahh ahh ahh. I still make that noise when I want to scare my girl.

See you next week for Friday the 13th Part 2!

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