#I took a little break for myself so I think I’ll be posting more often now!1!1

[ladykailitha]

Icarus Part 12

I've decided that since I have a fair amount of backlog on the three I've been doing WIP Wednesday for, that I'd post some of them to give me time to work on the rom-com AU more.

I recommend going back and re-reading part 11 at least before reading this one to be on the safe side.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11

The Fallen boys need a break and Robin and Chrissy meet up with Nancy.

****

Things were going really well in the studio now that they had Bob Newby as their producer and their studio was closer to home so they could live their normal lives and still be in the studio recording.

It was the happiest the band had been in awhile. Which was why Steve should have seen it coming. The dark cloud on the horizon.

Shane was late.

That wasn’t to say that it was out of the ordinary or whatever, but it was now two hours late and Spence was pissed.

“When I get my hands on his scrawny neck,” he hissed. “I’m going to kill him.”

Simon rolled his eyes. “You’re just upset because it’s means you’ll be late for your date or whatever with Nadia. He’ll be here.”

“That’s not true and you know it, Asmodeus,” Spence bit out. “This is the third time this week and yeah, so what if I have a life outside of this, but that’s not why.”

Just then Shane stumbled in. He looked like absolute shit. His clothes were disheveled, his hair was a mess, and he wore dark sunglasses. Clutched to his chest was a large coffee.

“Fuck...” he mumbled as he shambled over to the sofa. He lowered himself gently onto the thing with a stream of curses. “Sorry I’m late, but my hookup last night turned off my alarm.”

He took a long sip of his coffee and rubbed his temple. He had finished most of the coffee when he realized that no one had said a word since he arrived.

The door opened and Bob and Robin entered the room looking more than a little cross.

Shane flashed them a smile. “Uh oh, it looks like I upset both mom and dad. So I was a little late. It happens.”

“But it shouldn’t be happening,” Spence said with a scowl. “This isn’t the first time. Hell, it’s not even the first time this week.”

Shane frowned, setting his coffee on the floor between his feet. He rubbed his temples as he struggled to think back. “That can’t be right, it’s only Monday, right?”

Everyone shared concerned glances.

“Astraeus,” Steve said slowly, “it’s Thursday.”

Bob crossed his arms in front of his chest. “You were late on Sunday, Monday and today, Astraeus.”

Shane stared up at them in open shock and disbelief. “There’s no way!” He pulled out his phone and looked at the date.

“Shit.”

“What’s been going on, man?” Simon asked, concerned for the first time. He hadn’t realized how often it had been and was giving Spence shit for wanting to be with his girlfriend.

Shane shook his head. “I have money for the first time in my life. I mean proper money. My parents always had enough to make sure we got into the things we wanted; sports, drama, music, you name it, but there wasn’t a lot of money to go around after, you know? I had to pay for my college education myself and I just wanted to live a little. Spread the money around, even if I couldn’t tell them what I did for a living, they don’t really care.”

“I can see that,” Robin said. “I think we all breathing easier, regardless of our backgrounds because the money we’re getting has pretty much set us up for life if it all went to shit tomorrow, which I really wouldn’t recommend, by the way.”

Shane let out a huff of breath that wasn’t quite a laugh. “I really didn’t mean to go off like that, I’ll cut back to just the weekends. I promise.”

Robin and Bob shared a glance.

“That’s strike one, Astraeus,” Bob said, “I don’t take slackers lightly. You want me to continue to work for you guys, you’ve got to step it up.”

Shane nodded empathically. “Can we have a day off a week though? It doesn’t have to be on the weekend, but this seven days a week is really hard.”

Robin blinked at him a moment. “You guys have been coming every day?”

The band looked around at each and all gave a collective shrug.

She turned to Bob. “Is that your schedule?”

Bob’s jaw dropped and he shook his head. “I only do that if there’s a rush to get the album out, which I understood there wasn’t. I don’t how we got on working every day, but Astraeus is correct they need a day off.”

“What works best for everyone?”

The band worked out a better schedule that worked for everyone with it ending with Bob giving everyone the rest of the week off, giving them strict instructions to talk to him about those sort of things before it got to this point.

Robin clapped her hands once. “Right, now that we’ve got that settled, we’re still meeting up at Abbadon’s for dinner to discuss my meeting with Nancy. My meeting is at three and dinner is at six, so don’t be late.” She glared at Shane and he raised his hands in surrender.

“See you all then!”

****

Robin straightened her wig in her rearview mirror and added more lipstick. She wore special contacts that changed her bright blue eyes to a more common brown color. She was dressed in slim fitting white slacks with a bright pink silk blouse and a black leather aviator’s jacket. She hated wearing these clothes, they just weren’t her. At least she didn’t have to wear high heels to this thing. She would have broken an ankle for sure.

But she would sell her soul to the devil if it meant that Steve got to do what he loved. And it wasn’t as though she didn’t love her job either. But Eddie was right, she was on her last frayed nerve and that wouldn’t do her boys any good.

She slid out of her Maserati MC20 and walked up to the restaurant. The Corroded Coffin’s manager, Chrissy Cunningham was going to be there as a mediator.

Robin hadn’t told Steve this, but Chrissy knew who she was. Not the band, she didn’t know that, but she knew that Celeste Baptiste was Robin Buckley. It was just something Robin felt she needed to know before going in there with Nancy. That she personally had a stake in the game, even if it was just as Steve’s best friend.

Chrissy loved the idea of even their manager having an alter ego and it made Robin feel better about her choice to be someone else.

Robin and Chrissy kissed each other’s cheeks in greeting and Robin sat down.

“She’s not here yet?” she asked, looking at her matching watch.

Chrissy shook her head. “She’s running a little behind. One of her clients blew up the internet last night and she’s been having to play hard ball to keep it from destroying their career.”

Robin leaned in close. “Ooh, do you know who it was?”

“That’s for me to know,” Nancy said from above them, “and for you to never find out.”

Robin looked up at her and was struck on how good she looked. It was almost unfair how good she looked.

She was wearing a grey plaid blazer with the sleeves rolled up over a white button shirt and a black pencil skirt. She wore grey boots and matching sunglasses, glasses she took off with a shake of her dark curls.

Robin gulped. Nancy had been intimidating enough in high school, but now she could stare down a raging bull and come away unscathed.

“Hello, ladies,” Nancy said with a smile. “I’m sorry I was late, but I think I managed a god damn miracle and could eat an entire salad bar.”

Nancy sat down and put her phone in her purse.

“Oh are you vegan?” Chrissy asked as the waiter came up with a pitcher of water. Nancy waved him off and ordered a rosé.

“Just vegetarian,” she said with a shake of her head. “I love cheese too much. Plus, I knew a militant vegan and they scare me.”

Robin laughed. “Couldn’t be me, I went full vegan last year and haven’t looked back.”

Nancy and Chrissy both winced, but for different reasons, Nancy for her comment about militant vegans and Chrissy, well...

“I picked this place because it has the best rib eye steak on the planet,” she said with a grimace. “That’s not going to bother either of you if I order that, right?”

Nancy and Robin shared a glance and then shook their heads.

“My best friend loves steak,” Robin said, “It’s his choice to eat it, I just a have a problem with the ethical consumption of meat and other animal products.”

“Most of my clients eat meat,” Nancy agreed. “I’m not about to piss them off because I don’t like the taste.”

Chrissy relaxed and let out a long sigh. “Great!”

She picked up her menu to hide her embarrassment. A few minutes later, their waiter came back and they placed their orders.

Nancy had ordered a pasta with roasted sun dried tomatoes and mushrooms and Robin ordered a simple salad with a vinaigrette.

As they waited for their food, Nancy got down to business. “So as I understand it, the band The Fallen is looking for an agent to help with the legal and PR aspect of their brand, correct?”

Robin nodded, twisting her napkin nervously. Normally as Celeste, she was cooler under pressure but Nancy scared her. Not because of anything she could do to her specifically, but because what she could do to her boys.

Chrissy reached out and laid her hand over Robin’s fidgeting ones. Robin let out a shuddered breath.

“Normally bands like theirs have teams and teams of people doing all the work,” Robin said, “but with the secrecy surrounding their identities the more people that know the easier it is for a leak.”

Nancy nodded. “It’s certainly not the usual thing. But I’ve got a few clients that are strict about their identities and it wouldn’t be a problem, but as I told Chrissy, I would have know everything about them so that I can do my upmost to protect them.”

“Did you sign the NDA?” Robin asked, straightening her spine. This was something she was good at. Protecting her boys and she would do it with the fierceness of a mother bear and her cubs.

Nancy picked up her briefcase and opened it up. She took out a folder and handed it to Robin. Robin looked it over and then nodded.

She stuck it in her purse and pulled out a hard portfolio and slid it across to Nancy. Chrissy squeezed her hand as Nancy read through the documents. Their food arrived in the interim and she set it aside. She steepled her hands and planted her elbows on the table.

“How much of this do you know?” she asked Chrissy.

“Only what I needed to which is who Celeste is,” she replied, “and that both her and Abbadon have a history with you that could be trouble for a lot of people, not just the band.”

Nancy nodded and took a bite of her food before saying anything else. Chrissy and Robin exchanged glances but started eating as well. More for something to do in the intervening silence than because they were actually interested in food at that moment.

After a few moments Nancy blotted her lips with her napkin and set it next to her plate. “This is not what I was expecting when I heard that you had concerns about my professionalism and in all honesty, this is easier to understand then a manager thinking they don’t need the help of an agent when they really do.”

Chrissy and Robin shared a glance.

“Is that something that’s common?” Chrissy asked. Corroded Coffin had already had Nancy as their agent when she became their manager five years ago. They had outgrown their former manager Murray Bauman and was looking for someone younger to manage them so they hired her.

Nancy nodded. “It is.” She turned to Robin. “You’re his best friend, right? The quirky band chick who was always working with him?”

Robin was impressed with her way of asking the question without revealing anything significant about their identity. She brought her finger up to her contact and moved it aside to show the blue underneath before sliding it back into place.

“I’m assuming I’m the last resort?” Nancy asked after taking another bite of food.

Robin and Chrissy shared another glance.

“Not in the way you mean,” Chrissy explained. “I gave her a list of agents that might be able to have them on as clients and we’ve met with a couple of them but decided even before they got to what’s in the folder that they weren’t suitable for their needs.”

“The double lives aspect, I suspect.”

“Both of them wanted to push them into revealing themselves,” Robin said, nodding. “Which was completely off the table.”

Nancy licked her bottom lip and her eyes narrowed. “Is that off the table indefinitely or will we circle back to that sometime in the future?”

Robin rolled her eyes. “There’s no way to predict if they’re going to change their mind five-six years down the line.”

“I’m going to be frank,” she said, “I do not have a problem repping them. Not even Abbadon. But I understand there will be some awkwardness on both sides at first. I will even apologize in person. Because the fact of the matter is, I did hurt him. I strung him along until something better came along and then didn’t even have the decency to break up with him before moving on. I was young and stupid and even worse, I’m not even with that guy anymore. Like with me and Abbadon, we wanted different things.”

“Apologize first,” Chrissy said with a wicked gleam in her eye, “then we’ll see about hiring you for The Fallen.”

Nancy reached out to shake Robin’s hand. “Deal?”

Robin nodded curtly. “Deal.”

They moved onto the more tedious aspects of what they wanted out of Nancy as they finished their meals.

But as Robin was heading back to her car she had a small satisfied smile on her face. Yes, this really was the best option for the band.

****

Because of canon-Chrissy's unhealthy relationship with food, I wanted her to go hard into eating all things that her mom most likely forbade her from eating growing up. Hence the steak and the wine. Nancy I figured would be at least vegetarian with personality (just the vibes I get from her *shrug*) and Robin would absolutely be vegan. Just not a militant one.

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[voidwritesstuff]

The Stars have names.

(Part 1) A/N: this is a proof of concept for an original series of mine.Originally it was going to be a youtube series, but after writing this im not sure if thats the format i want to go with. Anyway,ill post this here and be done with breaking the immersion (if everything goes well, I'll post the other parts) Cw:abusive household, abusive parents, cults,body horror,religious imagery and pregnancy imagery.

>reblogs appreciated and encouraged.

I don't know if posting this here is a good idea, but I've realized I'm only putting people in more danger if I keep this to myself. My name isn't important,I know I’ll join them eventually, and by then I will have lost my sense of self. But let's get the main bits of information on the table. I’ve known my friend Orion for most of my life, he is originally from the town of Cometa, to this day he’s never told me where this town is,but I get the feeling I'll find out soon enough. 

That should've been the first red flag. One I never recognized until recently.

The second red flag was a little more subtle. He's always been enthusiastic about sharing his knowledge of space,it was his special interest and I always listened because I wanted to be a good friend. It was the way he spoke about it though,there was a casual, almost personal tone to the way he talked about stars, but especially about the planets.

“I know you’ll think it's silly, but they have real names. Not the ones we gave them, Venus,mars,saturn…It's hard to explain,My mom’s better at it but she isn't allowed to talk about it”

When I asked why she wasn't allowed to talk about it, Orion would shrug and say it was “grown up stuff” and he stopped mentioning it as we grew older.I didn't notice it when we were teenagers, I thought he had “grown out” of it somehow.

How wrong i was. How so very wrong I was.

I was supposed to go to Cometa town next summer, Orion was spending the holidays with me and my family, and before he left he had given me one of many manuscripts from the church his town has. I told him I wasn't interested in religion,but he begged me to read them, and I wanted to be a good friend- He's heard me ramble about every single character I found hot many times throughout our friendship,so I figured I could give in and read it.

After all, it's just religious text, isn't it? I remember sitting down one morning,we were snowed in and the sky was dark- I’ve never seen clouds so thick… And yet somehow one single ray of sunlight spilt into my room. It was unusually warm when I extended my hand towards it, and just as I was about to begin reading the lights went out.

Didn't think too much of it, it snowed like crazy, so there I went to sit on the sunny spot in my room for some proper light. The shadows seemed so much darker then, but I just took it as my eyes getting used to the ridiculous amount of light I was being exposed to. 

Isn't it crazy how much we deny odd things that happen to us? The text started as any religious text often does,with a long shpeel of poetic words, but then it turned into a journal. There are no dates, so god only knows when this happened-But it does seem quite modern for…Well you’ll see. I’ve also gone and added numbers to each part, it was hard when I first read it- and hey if you're going to go down a spiral of madness then at least I'll leave some road signs,I'm on my way out anyway. Consider this red flag number three, and your one and only warning to stop.

“ 

Church of Santa Madre de Luz Divina

Tale of Mother Sun. 

The stars have names

Not ones that mortals can utter.

Not in any language that you may speak or invent.

For these gods,us your makers, speak in tongues of divine creation,

destruction, light and darkness, that which lies beyond your minds

Broken from the ties of the planets that birthed us.

You behold my light,the one of your mother.

Of the supernova that gave birth to humans.And may the Harvester, though forgotten in time, 

come to reap your souls.

Only then shall you know the names of your gods. 

It may not look like it

But we have a plan for you.

[Entry 1] I had that dream again. I was floating in darkness for hours,days,millenia…There was nothing around me- I knew there wasn't anything for miles and miles. And then…light. Blinding light,searing heat that oddly enough didn't hurt my skin.

 I could only see things zooming past me, I could feel eons going by in the blink of an eye.

The darkness wasn't empty anymore,there were thousands upon thousands of little lights.I realized then, i was in space. But I didn't feel cold, I didn't lack oxygen. 

In a way, i breathed with the universe. I could feel the pulse of supernovas, of black holes eating and eating the darkness and turning it into,or taking it into, something I couldn't comprehend or fathom to.

Frozen in time, I couldn't move back or forth, to and fro, I simply floated and watched the existence around me begin to circle me. 

Yet it wasnt me,not me specifically. I turned to look behind me, because before me there was nothing- Like a sunflower bending to the light above.

And i woke up. 

The therapist said moving would help,that Cometa Town was perfect for someone like me. I want to trust Dawn’s word, she lived there most of her life before moving to Argentina. I guess she outgrew that town,i can relate to that

 Dawn had also said that these dreams meant that I was too stressed, feeling like the world was coming undone around me. And she wasn't wrong, after that fight with my dad i couldn't stand being around him. Piece of shit.I don't understand why my mom still thinks I should make up with him. I don't understand how she can still forgive him even after everything, he threw eggs at our door,he had threatened to beat up his parents,my grandparents, and back when they were still together he would argue with her until she couldn't stomach it anymore and puke.

I don't want to end up like her, compelled to forgive and live beside someone who has sucked away all life from me just because I seek acceptance.

Mom promised that Cometa town is nice,and i trust her word,or i try to- But i know she wouldn't’ve moved so far away,countries away, if this town did not speak spanish,she never puts in the effort to do something difficult.

Lord knows there are days where she makes me feel like a burden,every time i talk to her it feels like she’s ignoring me. All the praise I get usually are just one worded responses,an adjective she throws at me without looking up from her phone…

And as much as I try to hate her,I can't. In a way she’s still my mother, I spent months in her stomach,growing. It makes me wonder if I had not been born a month before I was supposed to,would she pay attention to me? Of course it’s a silly claim,but almost after twenty years of being left aside, I’m starting to grasp at straws.

I guess Dawn was right,I need to get some fresh air-I doubt i’ll get a break anyway, i still don't have enough money to move away. Still, here I go. Goodbye Argentina,Hello Cometa.

[Entry 2]

I fell asleep on the plane,no dreams, only peaceful rest… But I have to admit that it felt odd,like a part of me was missing. I felt so cold when I woke up,I usually feel cozy. Maybe it's just the AC of the plane…

Either way,I called dibs on the seat next to the window. I can see the clouds. It gives me vertigo, but in a fun way-Like I could be flying through the clouds like i was the sun… That image gave me peace, hope. It makes me excited to get to my new home,hang up all my posters and paraphernalia. 

I may even find a group of people to play D&D with on the weekends…

Maybe this extreme move is going to help.

[Entry 3] Cometa town is so pretty, gardens and gardens of flowers,there are parks with weekly fairs! It's good to know mom will have a place to sell her clothes, and I won't go hungry. I understand now why the therapist recommended this place- Aside from having a university of arts (with a career in film, How lucky!) And it has a cool name too: “Cosmos University of the Arts”.

 i will miss Dawn though- maybe i can find a replacement here? I don't know if it'll be the same…fingers crossed? Oh! and The sunset here was just as beautiful too, i can actually see the stars here. I begged my mom to eat dinner outside by the sunflower garden we have and she accepted. No TV,no background sound,just me and her…it's nice.

It would be nicer if she didn't call me by my deadname,though. I’ve told her plenty of times I go by Nova now, but hey- she still doesn't believe im bi,let alone accept I change my pronouns often, so maybe i'm just asking her for the wrong things.

But a new home,a new place, the same old sky… Maybe I should keep that in mind instead.

[Entry 4] Well, the dream came back.

But it's longer now, different. 

I saw that same darkness, that same explosion of light, but now when I turned I saw the sun (I expected it,it's the only thing that made sense). I expected the light to burn my eyes, but it didn't. Dream logic? I don't know.

Aside from actually being able to see what's behind me,I noticed something there, growing. Like a seed, looking for something,writhing. The sun was only a shell for whatever was growing in there. Yknow what it reminded me of? A baby, growing in the womb of her mother,kicking and feeling out the warm home she finds herself in. There was no better place for her, I was sure of it, I could almost picture what she looked like. 

Body made of divine light, elegant hands that have the opportunity to create,to destroy, I dare say even…artistic. The art of bringing beautiful things to life, the willpower to destroy the imperfections,the mistakes, even if it means throwing out a whole art piece and start from scratch

She's adorned with pure gold that glimmers like endless stars, clothes made of the softest fabrics the world could offer.

Yet..i couldn't see her face, it was either hidden from view or just consuming my whole range of sight. 

massive, she was massive, and i was about the size of a vein.

I saw her,whatever she was, take me in her hands and lay me to rest on her chest. I beat her heartbeat, I ate of her blood…it gave me such a rush. I felt..unstoppable, I felt myself breaking out of the shell I forced myself into just so I wouldn't get into trouble,that I would not be hit with my mother’s glare of disappointment that I don't fit her standards for “Being born a woman”.

When I woke up I felt…dizzy, I felt something churning in my stomach,my forehead felt too warm and it throbbed in a way that made me light headed,the sunlight that was falling on my face had this sparkle to it. 

Mom came over to ask me if I was alright,it was probably around mid-day when I woke up,which meant that lunch would be done soon and that she was waiting for me. I told her I felt ill and I wondered what had I eaten the night before for me to feel like my body was organizing a mutiny against me. And then I turned to my nightstand, saw my sketchbook opened and stained with chocolate from the wrapper I had tossed on it carelessly the night before.

. . . I need to stop eating sweets before going to bed.

[entry 5]

The dream’s been on my mind as of late, so I've tried to push it to the side by signing up for Cometa town’s university. I thought the bureaucracy was going to be endless,thankfully it wasn't- It was quite easy honestly, just asked for my personal data like name,birth date, ID and the like, it even had a “Preferred name” box i could fill up- It made me happy to know i wouldn't have to use my deadname. 

Aside from that I've tried to distract myself by walking around the town, it has a very low crime rate so my mom’s not worried about letting me wander off. It's a nice change from the constant fear of being robbed i had back in Argentina, doesn't mean I don't miss my home though. I miss it terribly,but there's not much I can do but to wait for winter break to visit them again (well,it's winter break for the town- back home it's a ripe,ripe summer. I'll be cooking my ass off while the town lives it up in the snow,lucky)

But back to the walk i took, i wrote down a few places i’d like to visit next time The mall (obviously, it has a bunch of stores,fast food restaurants and even an observatory- I’d say it's a weird addition to the mall but i don't complain, i really like seeing the stars), Also the parks it has to offer, the town center and the one thing that caught my attention  the most was this church- I wouldn't know the exact architecture style, but its grand,well decorated and so,so tall and old. I think I saw a telescope peeking out from one of the windows in the main tower. 

Hopefully I can visit it soon? Maybe tomorrow will be fun. 

[entry 6] After lunch I went to the church, the place was mostly empty (i figured, i mean i did go right after i finished eating lunch) and honestly it made it all the more personal. Hell,even the priest wasn't there roaming around and doing whatever priests do.

But I did meet someone there, they had male features, a chiseled face, olive eyes and pretty reddish brown skin. They were dressed in goth clothes (and fashionably so) so it didn't surprise me to see them at the church.

 And in my ogling I noticed their jacket was packed full of patches, I could see the one on the right side of his arm, it read “Still a planet” With an embroidered image of Pluto. I couldn't help but snicker at it They introduced themself as Callum,they looked at me like I was some sort of long lost friend  and asked me if I was new around town. I told them that I was and that I had moved in just a few days ago. I could notice the slight hispanic accent in their voice and I asked them if they spoke any Spanish, they said yes and we got to talking in my mother tongue. 

It made me happy to know they liked my vest, I couldn't help but think that a punk and a goth went hand in hand. Both appeal to the darker side of the world, for them it was the macabre,the things that go bump in the night. And for me, it was all about how the system was always against you,how the world seems to orchestrate in a way that no matter what you do, you’ll always be on the wrong side of things. Damned if you do,damned if you don’t.

Callum was fun to talk to,I appreciated that since I haven't been able to meet my neighbors yet. I mean I just got here,but I wish I had someone else to talk to that isn’t my mom or includes me sending a text to my friends back in Argentina. 

Here's one of the conversations I had with my new “Acquaintance”  (translated from english to spanish to keep my privacy. wouldn't be surprised if i left it open some day and my mom reads it out of curiosity):

“So..Why visit the church of all places?” they had asked me as we entered the large cathedral

“Well just getting to see the town really, but i saw it and i knew i had to enter and at least take a peek- I like making art, and i was hoping to draw some of the things around the place” “You make art? that's cool” They smiled with this child-like excitement “I make murals, i go to the university here” “Dude no way,I signed up for the studies in film career!”

“Then we’ll see each other more often, that's good” We introduced each other properly then, they told me about their family and I told them why i moved away- I skipped a few details because i couldn't exactly just drop the fact that i had to move because my father was a manipulative piece of shit. 

When we got to the altar section, I hadn't noticed until then that the Vitraux behind the pedestal were not of God or Jesus, instead they were of these massive beings of cosmic light. 

And right in front of me was her.

Being of divine light, hands extended towards me, holding the world in their palms, her face got lost in the bright burst of light portrayed on the glass. Shades of red,orange and yellow spilled across my face and in my half blinded state I could swear I saw bright eyes staring back at me. It made me jump back out of reflex, i blinked the light away and turned to see if Callum had seen me embarrass myself like that- 

But they weren't. 

They were staring at another vitraux, a being of pure darkness and ice, candles of blue flame serving as shoulder pieces with their melted wax with gold jewelry over its shroud. And in the center of their chest,like a ribcage, stood the alchemical symbol for Pluto. Underneath it was a simple plaque that read “The Harvester” It gave me the idea to see the plaque beside it, “Father moon”. Above it stood a vitraux of a male figure with a shawl of stars, a crown of night and time on his bursting face of moonlight. He was holding his hands close to his chest where the alchemical symbol for the moon stood carved in pale gray as he grasped an old sun clock.

Out of curiosity I looked back at the one in front of me, I could still see The Harvester and Father Moon in the corner of my left eye. The plaque underneath the divine lady of sunlight read “Mother Sun”

“You’ve seen ‘em too?” Callum asked out of nowhere, I jumped from my spot as if I was broken from a trance. They looked at me with what seemed like fear and utter dread.

“Excuse you?” They pointed at the vitraux i was looking at “Her,You've seen her” With how they looked at me, i knew lying wouldn't do me any good “Yeah” I Had replied with a slight tremble in my voice “I have” My eyes couldn't meet theirs, I was too ashamed and startled. In my avoidance I noticed that Callum’s jacket had an embroidered patch of Mictecacihuatl, the lady of the dead in Aztec mythology.

“How?” they asked,sounding adamant that they get an answer.

“dreams, you?” something in me pushed me to answer,even if i felt like their question was a little too weird and out of pocket “same” 

I blinked at the sordid nature of it. How could I dream of something that I have never seen before? But before I could question that bitch of an existential crisis,We heard shuffling steps from behind us, we turned to see a priest- Old,old man with a wrinkled face, dark black eyes that gleamed with..satisfaction? “May I help you with something?” The old man asked, His voice raspy and with a warmth that felt too unnatural- Like he's trying to overcompensate. I raised my brows in surprise,his voice sounding so familiar, like I heard it in a distant dream.

“No” Callum sounded harsh, they took my bicep and began tugging me along out of the Church,but before they left my sight i read the two other plaques beside Mother sun: “Sister star” and “The Oracle” They didn't speak a word until we were well away from the church, they sat me down at a bench and looked at me like somebody had died. 

“I thought there was enough of us already” They whispered, afraid that the trees would grow ears and listen “What?” “There's 3 more others just like you, like us.-Probably more” “Callum, you're not making any sense” “Listen to me,Nova. The stars have names”[entry 7] I came back home late after that, Callum insisted on walking me home and we did so in silence. It felt uncomfortable, like the lack of literally any spoken word was digging under my skin and getting into my bone marrow,expanding it uncomfortably. 

Before our weird ass conversation,I actually got along with Callum, like i’ve known them all my life or even well before that…It was odd but..comforting.They’re the first friend i've made since moving here.

They bid me goodbye with a kiss on the cheek, I didn't think too much of it since it's a common way to greet each other back in Argentina- Us latinos are a mixed bag of customs after all. 

As soon as I stepped in, My mom was up in arms about where I had been. She was cooking as she yelled at me for being out so late, I told her she needed to calm down and I reminded her about how Cometa town had almost no crime rate. 

She glared at me and told me i was just as irresponsible as my father, it made me so angry, it scorched me that she would compare me to my dad, only to turn around and tell me i should make peace with him- She still somehow believed that it was my fault that i fought with him, and not that he looked at me in the eye and said “You're the worst daughter a father could ask for”. It was a petty argument, i don't remember what we were fighting about anymore, In that moment,rage blinded me and I just wanted her to hurt, and before I could wallow my rage,she yelped and jumped away from the oven.She had burnt herself with the flame of the stove.

After that i went to my room, i was so mad and so,so tired. I am exhausted from having to dance on the edge of being a golden child and a scapegoat martyr. I would never be enough for her, and that was starting to dawn on me. 

I get that she was worried,that she feared something happened to me- But there are better ways to say so. It makes me sad she never seems to treat me like an actual human.

[Entry 8] I fell asleep as soon as I went to bed.I had consciously forgotten about Callum’s explanation, but a part of me didn't.

As i drifted endlessly on the edge of sleep, i remembered everything my new “Friend” had told me

“ Listen to me,Nova. The stars have names. Not the ones we gave them,Venus,Saturn,pluto. None of that bullshit. They are gods, born from the planets we know, they're only shells of shattered womb,they have no life in them.” “But there's life on earth” I had said “Because they needed a place for their servants to live. Thats us” “And why should I trust your words?” Callum seemed a little amused at my flabbergasted expression

They scoffed before continuing to talk “The whole town is in on it. They are a cult,im sure of it” “How do you even know this stuff?” “I moved here three years ago, my family and I had been practically chased off from our home in Mexico. The bosses of my parents had fired them, I suddenly became the worst student in my school and got kicked out. My buddy Byeol and Archie had been offered a scholarship to the university of this town- This very public university.  A scholarship.” they made a pause to steady themself, it felt like they were just word vomiting right now. “Did nothing weird happen to you before you came here?” They continued with a slight anger to them, not directed at me but at whatever was supposedly tugging the strings of this weird cultish plot. “Nothing that feels too much like a coincidence?” I remembered how Dawn had been raised here, how she said the homes here were really cheap,especially to immigrants.Something about a benefit from the state. At the time I doubted it, this country is as capitalist as it gets-Not to mention its clear distaste for non natives. But then we checked and it was an actual thing,so I didn't think too much of it since I just figured my biases had gotten the better of me. 

“How do you know this?” I asked.

“I know this because I saw it. In my dreams” They raised a finger before I could manage to retort “Let me ask you this, have you heard of any of the gods we saw at the church?” “No,but it could be a niche religion” “Okay then,what about your dreams?” Truth is I was ready to jump on the conspiracy bandwagon,Too soon? maybe. But my mind was looking for a reason to doubt all these good things in my life, a part of me wouldn’t let me accept the nice things that came to me. There is a reason I go to therapy after all.

“see?” Callum added,taking my silence as the answer they needed. “Why would you tell me this?” “Because you're the missing piece. I told you there’s more of us, my friends all had dreams with the gods we saw back there”They answered “I could see you were staring at Mother Sun, so that must be who you see in your dreams, am i mistaken?”I shook my head. “I don't know what they're planning”they continued,sure there was something else unraveling, “i don't know why they want us but it can't be good. This town is too perfect, it makes me sick. Nothing good can come from this,i can just feel it”

I sat there in silence and looked at the floor. I didn't know if I could believe them.A cult? really? And why was I the missing piece? “Then why don’t you leave” “We have nowhere to go, all the times I’ve tried to convince my family to get out something big like a promotion would happen and suddenly my word wasn’t enough”

My heart sank to my feet. ‘No matter what you do, the game is always rigged ’ I thought. “And you haven’t told them about all this?” “I did, but they say that it’s just a product of how our leave from Mexico unfolded”

They say that when you wear rose colored glasses,all red flags are just..flags. Me included, I felt like their whole speech just now was the ramblings of a madman. But they had just enough credibility to them that it made it hard for me to fully reject it.

I sat there in silence for a while,processing everything I had been told. I don’t know if Callum was staring at me,I completely zoned out for a few good minutes. All I could see was that goddess,I could feel her tugging at me somehow,she was eager. A sigh made me snap out of my thoughts, I looked up to see my companion’s face and for a moment I swear they looked incredibly gaunt “Sorry,I know it's a lot to dump on you” they had said with a soft voice and a meek look in their eyes.

“thats the understatement of the fucking century” They scoffed and offered to walk me home as compensation for the wild ride. They also gave me their phone number just in case.

And truth be told I was ready to leave it all behind and make a mental note to never talk to Callum again.

But then I had to fall asleep.

I found myself in the dark expanse again, I knew the drill of creation and destruction, worlds coming and going,and when I stood before the planets spinning around me, I started to notice something. Each planet had a massive crack in the middle, they were creaking and groaning with pain. I could hear their labored breathing as whatever was crawling out of them began to split their shells apart. Like tearing open the placenta that held them. The celestial bodies that house them scream in pain and agony, a horrible choir of death as beings of immense scale rise before me.That same man made of moonlight and time rose from the smallest natural satellite, he was the first one…

I saw him and the sun behind me dance in eternal bliss, with each step I could feel the ripples of space bending, breaking what remained of the planets that only followed the orbit of the giant,divine woman. Though I could never see their faces, there was no face to see. 

Or perhaps I was afraid of what I would behold if I stared at the sun for too long.

Mother Sun looked down upon me and I turned away. I could feel her burn a hole through my skull, only stopping when Venus splits open with a screeching choir,birthing a woman with the face of pure starlight, grand insectoid wings that flutter curiously. Then Neptune cracks open with a tidal wave, allowing a large female figure to slither out of it. She had past and future in her eyes- were those her eyes? her face was a gossamer shine that reflected fractals and fractals of what could be or had been. 

And long forgotten in time, Pluto is the last one to be born. Cold in the endless vacuum, creaking of bone against bone, feeding from the corpse of his mother, A shrouded figure stood impossibly tall, curling into itself. 

More were missing, I Knew that-She knew that. 

But I couldn't see the other planets from just how bright she shone in the black void. 

Unwilling to look at her, I tried my best to fight her. I wouldn't let her burn my eyes, I don't want to face whatever turned its wretched gaze upon me. I would rather be disintegrated into ash, because when she forced my head to snap to her, using her massive hand to twist me like a doll, I saw my face in her shine. 

I woke up screaming,tears falling down my cheeks before I managed to be conscious enough to let them flow. [Entry 9] My mom ran into my room,asking me if I was okay. I told her I had a nightmare, and that I'd be fine. I never talked about my dreams,so she wasn't surprised I didn't want to talk about it. She hung out with me in the kitchen as I made myself some tea. I didn't have the strength to look at her bandaged arm,did I cause that? When she saw me a lot calmer, she returned to sleep. And I decided I had to talk with Callum about all this. 

Before I knew it, I was sneaking out of the house and embarking on a midnight adventure with a person I just met, to talk about eldritch beings and horrors. Life really is the gift that keeps on giving.

They took me to a restaurant. “Nebula Dinner”,read the perfect, 50s style neon sign. By this point it's like the town wasn't even bothering to hide it…

“So..”They began once we sat down in the booth placed on one of the corners of the establishment “Do you believe me now?” I snarled at how smug they sounded “Yes” “Good,because it's only going to get worse”

“jeez, how sunny” They shrugged and put their forearms on the table,leaning in a little and using them as support “Tell me about the dream”. And tell them I did, I spared no detail, and it felt oddly nice to be able to share this with somebody other than my therapist. They listened attentively and even went so far as to hold my hand when I began tearing up again. “..why? why us?” I had asked with what little voice I had in me.

“Your guess is as good as mine”They replied, trying to sound nonchalant about it,but I could tell that in a sense, this was like reliving his own trauma. “Look, My dreams started a few months before I moved to Cometa, same with Archie,Byeol and Sammira. Tell me if that's not a cosmic coincidence” I flinched at the word “cosmic” and they apologized. 

To my credit, I did try to process everything I had heard. And I failed miserably at it. My brain ran itself in circles trying to reconcile with the idea that gods existed, and that for some damn reason I was suddenly chosen by one of them. 

I still couldn't shake off that feeling, like i was breathing alongside somebody, my head buzzed and i still felt like my brain felt like it was being pushed into two different directions. The images are so clear even when it had been just a few hours since I woke up.

A sigh left me as I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes,I could have used some more rest-But the thought of having to face that thing again terrified me. “I like god do not play with dice” I quoted, hoping that one of my many vocal stims cheered me up. “And i do not believe in coincidence” They had finished, smiling at me “V for Vendetta”

“You know it?It's a bit old” “I have the compilation of the whole series back in my house,” They answered, clearly enthusiastic about it. “Hey,let me get you something to eat, my treat- We shouldn't be thinking about this without food in our stomachs” “It's like two am” They shrugged and said “Early breakfast,i guess” And I couldn't help myself and said “What about second breakfast?”“I don't think he knows about second breakfast,Pippin '' They answered without missing a beat, accent and all. Suddenly all the tension in the air dissipated as we both laughed,I shook my head at the absurdity of it all, and I gladly accepted the offer of food. 

Even though I knew there were a lot more things we needed to discuss, I let it pass by. I needed to feel normal again for a few minutes, and I wouldn't deny this moment.

Callum waved over one of the late night staff, Her name was Solana and she was Callum's older sister. They introduced me to her and we both ordered something to eat after she handed us the menu.

We spent the night talking about comics,movies and games. It felt nice to be a normal twenty something again.

[entry 10] Callum had spent the night at my house, they promised they would sneak off in the morning. It was sunday so my mom would leave to work at the fairs in one of the parks. They said they knew how hard it was to deal with these nightmares, and they wanted to keep me company through it all.

If I had not experienced the worst nightmare of my life, I would've said no. But I didn't want to spend this night alone, I didn't feel safe being on my own. I feel like these dreams will eat me whole, and I can begin to feel something crawling inside my chest already. 

When i woke up Callum was gone as they said they would, they had left me a text saying we could hang out later or grab lunch. My home didn't feel safe anymore,it felt like the sunlight was so bright it was eating away all the color,all the life my house had.I accepted their offer in a heartbeat, at least walking through the town I could forget and ignore the shifting shadows out of the corners of my eyes, and how uncomfortably familiar the sunlight felt on my skin, like it was trying to embrace the deepest part of me and for that it needed to tear and carve through my skin,my muscles and straight past my bones.

My new friend wasn't faring any better, they felt incredibly cold to the touch, they avoided being in the shade for too long and they had ripped off their patch about Pluto and we did not talk about our dreams,or what this “cult” might be up to. And it wasn't even out of worry that we could be eavesdropped upon. It was pure,sheer fear of what it would mean if just like the planets, something was growing inside of us. 

There was a pull underneath my skin, i could feel it writhe under my intestines,slithering and weaving itself through the pores of my sternum…And as much as i tried to push it away, it would only fade when during our walk we came across a second church,identical to the one we had seen on saturday. “Another one?” I asked confused

Callum nodded“To the other minor gods,Madame Jupiter,Sir Kaos,Professor Mercury and Saint Saturn”

“Those are weird ass names” I tried to joke,relieved that i suddenly felt like myself again “I didn't choose them” He chided “But yes,weird” “I'm kind of curious to see the inside” “That's how horror movies start. We’re latinos,we’re supposed to know better” They joked with a slight smirk

“Well i have some white in me,my grandma’s italian, I can be a bit stupid,as a treat” “If you die in there i'm not retrieving your body” “mean”

Making fun of it did help to ease the tension that had been growing like a weed inside of me.It felt like me and Callum had known each other our whole lives, that there was no need to put our words through a filter. I was going to tug them along to see the interior, but we saw one of the nuns come out from the church, she was looking down at the ground,minding her step. Then she looked at us for a few,long seconds and smiled wide. She raised her hand to wave at us, and we looked at eachother and promptly walked away. 

What disturbed me the most is that i felt like i knew her,I knew the sound of her voice even when i have never heard her speak. Just like the old priest I saw at the other cathedral. I felt like i had heard her call my name, which one i didn't know, it made me dizzy trying to figure it out and i was already dealing with feeling watched- Callum kept glancing back and i knew then i wasn't the only one that felt like that

Honestly,If i had not dreamt what i did,i would have chalked it up to paranoia…

But then I looked up straight at the sun. I expected the shine to burn my eyes,but it didn't. I had hoped I'd blind myself for a split second just to confirm something that wasn’t clawing at me at that moment.

Dread settled,my chest felt tight and I felt like the gold light that spilled across this world cupped my face and forced me to face its creator.

The sun was staring right back at me, beckoning me closer.

[entry 11] I woke up a few seconds after,I felt something cold against my back, hard like wood and somebody holding me. Slowly I blinked my eyes open and met the face of Callum, they looked concerned,sweaty, and I could see past them a gray ceiling of carved rock and stained glass.

“How are you?” They had asked,voice shaking.

“Im,..okay? what's up with you?” Before they replied, I heard a raspy, gravelly voice say “Ah,so good to see you're okay” The unnatural welcoming in this male voice made my bones uncomfortable, I felt them pushing against my joints trying to escape. I wanted to peel each strand of my muscles only to distract myself from it. 

There stands the priest we saw at the church with the vitraux of the main gods of this cursed pantheon, he opens his arms and says “Our Mother can be quite stern if she wants to, sorry for that. But i have the feeling you’ll soon grow on her” He made a pause,to then clear his throat “Sorry, I meant to say she’ll soon grow in you” 

I turned to Callum, who tried to put themself between me and the priest “Callum, what the hell is going on?” Callum turned back briefly to me, they pursed their lips and their eyes looked wild with their pupils as small as a dot “Remember how i said I didn't know what they were planning?” I nodded “...I have the feeling we’re about to find out”

The old priest smirked, his eyes glimmering like the ones of a predator “Don’t worry,we won't hurt you”

“You should hear him out” Came a woman’s voice I knew quite well. Dawn stood there in the same clothes I had seen her wear in our last session together,with a smile so big like she was a kid in a candy store. “I know it's hard to accept good things,especially with everything you’ve been through,but this community welcomes you,both of you, with open arms” She offered a hug,spreading her arms. Her face twitched as if it hurt to grin like that but she couldn't stop.

 It reminded me of how sometimes people would feel euphoria when experiencing something divine… We both began to hear multiple sets of steps,we’re surrounded by nuns,townsfolk. They all seem to revere us,and it dawns on me.

“After all, how dare we strike our own gods?”Finished the priest. They had handed me this journal,my journal, to write everything since my midnight meeting with Callum. They say that I had written their holy texts once before, and that they eagerly await the gospel of their mother…

I don't know why they returned me home,why keep up appearances? they had us at the church… 

But then in came my mom,all excited telling me about how she had a really good day at work, how she could give me some money to buy myself something pretty. I wouldn't put it past them to harm my mother if I told her about all this? Would she even believe me? Right now i can hear them outside my window, it's a gloomy day, rainy and horrible,almost pitch dark, they hide in the shadows, they are whispering and awing at my writing. Callum is here with me, just as scared as I am. 

“Why?” I ask out loud,hoping for an answer, and I get none. 

My mind drifted for a second to Callum,their family,their friends.

Friends..

Oh no, There's more like us.

More…vessels? seeds? What are we? Who the hell are we?

 I feel now the sun shining down on me. its warmth uncomfortably pressing under my skin,through tunnels already carved straight to my soul. I turn to Callum, they sit in the darkness at the edge of my bed,their back against the mattress, their head hung low. The hood of their jacket is pulled up, I can't see their face, and I don't think I'd see any if they turned to me. 

I can feel her crawling up my nerves,up my spine. My head feels dizzy and my face feels incredibly hot like I'm feverish. ‘You’re loved here,don’t you see?’She whispers ‘You won’t be ignored here, you won't be a scapegoat,a martyr. You can be that golden child, the saint you know you are’

Tears begin to fall down my face,staining the pages of the journal. She makes it sound so sweet. 

‘Finally you can rest. Why fight against the system?Why don’t you..we join it? we can change it together. We can make something out of ourselves’

I look at Callum, shivering and talking to themself under their breath. I can’t hear them,but I can see their breath condensate.

“I think we’ve known each other for a while” They finally said,soft voice barely carrying over the whispering horde outside.They offer their hand towards me as I hear the creaking of bone against bone, scraping like nails on a chalkboard. Their teeth clack together as if there's no gums,no tongue to soften the impact.I see that their fingers are thin and their skin is barely sticking to their bones.I take it,finding solace in their touch.

I don’t want to be alone. Not again, not ever again.

“We do,don't we?” I replied. 

Everything seems clearer now,like sunlight after a storm.

“Do you know my name?” “I think I do,do you know mine?” “i do” “it's good to see you again,Harvester” “it's good to bask in your radiance again,Mother Sun”

[entry 11]

“Church of Santa Madre de Luz Divina

“Heed my words oh servant

For my light will guide your path.

Like it always has during eons past.

I never left,for you still revolve around me

Even if my body hangs limp in the sky.

Like a child within my womb,you writhe and call for me.

Heed my words, you who have waited for our return…

The stars have names.

Not those you could even fathom to pronounce.

We have walked amongst you now.

We have lived what you have.

So welcome this new era.

Welcome us anew.No longer forgotten

And don't fret

for we have a plan for you”

[End of journal] I can see her, through the dark. The sky is looking back through the gloom.

Her light burns me.

My mother is calling. 

But I can't give in,not yet, not now. There's four more documents like this,I can transcribe them if any of you want to kamikaze yourself into insanity with me. I’ll be here waiting,patiently. Either way,I know now that no matter what I do, the sun is always watching me,the moon knows all my secrets and in the cold night outside I can see the harvester waiting for me, tapping on his scythe with his candles burning blue.

[campbyler]

ok. a genuine question. how do u guys write 20-30k *chapters* bc i will outline fics minutely or i will just let myself start writing based off a vibe & either way i will get 600 words out of maybe. two hours of work. on a good day with no distractions/interruptions, & i very much do not have an uninterrupted two hours to write very often, so you can imagine how slowly things get written T_T so i’m interested if there’s any aspect of any of your writing processes that really enables u guys to write so much or if it’s not really something you think about? anyways i really like ur guys’s work, & thank you for deciding to write for byler bc i know me and a lot of people enjoy it a lot. thanks!!

hello !! this is a super valid question and i’ll try my best to answer it for you 😗✌️

andi infamously writes a lot faster than thea and i do (she finished draft 1 of chapter 3 in like. two days. which was so scary. i’m in awe of her fr) but she has also spent a lot of time editing ch3 so it’s definitely not like these chapters are publish-ready in a short amount of time by any means! it took thea a couple of months total to fully write + edit ch1 and it took me about 3.5 weeks to write ch2 and another two weeks to edit it which is part of the reason we’ve spaced out our posting schedule like we have — we put a lot of effort and care into these updates and we want to give ourselves as much time as possible to get ahead before all 3 of us inevitably get so super busy with work and/or school in the fall!! so while we do write a lot, please don’t think we are so insanely speedy about it because unless we are having Really Good Writing Days, that’s definitely not the case. sometimes we do have days where we are really in the zone and write more than usual, but at least for me, this is so so so rare. whatever i write in this time gets heavily edited because so much of it was nonsensical brain vomit LOL

as far as writing process goes, i think one of the things that motivates us a lot is that we genuinely do just talk about this au constantlyyyyy like we’re always coming up with silly little hcs or drawing for it or adding to the Lore ™️so we’re always getting inspired to write! all three of us are definitely people who use writing as a way to relax or even reward ourselves after a long day; we would probably die if we had to go too long unable to :/ messages like “i can’t wait to get home and write after work today” or “i’m going to write a little bit of ___ before bed because i deserve it” are very commonly found in our gc because we really just look forward to it so much! as for our scary word counts, i feel like there is a lot of worldbuilding in this universe specifically, and pacing is really important to us — we want to make sure introductions and set-up to a scene and character interactions are meaningful and flow naturally, and building tension (which is a hallmark of this fic hehe) does take some time, which can definitely add up word count-wise.

for the most part, none of us usually have a solid few hours to sit and write either (unless it’s on our days off or after work if we’re not too tired) and we get a lot of writing done in chunks! we hold each other accountable for short check-ins (“ask me for a snip in 30 minutes”) which is super helpful when you’re stuck, because it kind of forces you to get Something down without worrying if it’s super polished and edited and perfect. if you’re writing on your own, something i’ve started doing lately is setting a 15 minute timer and just seeing how much i can get done in that time, and then setting another and doing it again (up until however much time you have to write that day). i’ve found that the artificial deadline helps break the monotony of sitting in front of your computer for Hours on end with nothing to show for it bc TRUST we’ve all been there and it sucks so bad 😔✊

this got super long so i apologize but i hope at least a little bit of it was helpful! it definitely helps that we are constantly feeding into each other (i.e: having brainrot) and offering inspiration and advice, which does wonders for creative flow tbh. we’re definitely not cranking these chapters out as quickly as people might seem to think — thea started chapter four, which won’t be posted for about a month, maybe a week or two ago. i just started chapter 5 — about 6 weeks away — yesterday lol so we do take our time! don’t be scared by the giant chapters, we just had a lot of content we wanted to include in each one and are in too deep to take anything out 🥳🥳 thank you for the question! good luck with your writing we believe in you 🫡

[spider-man-2o99]

Captain's Log: been a couple minutes

hi. quick update. not dead. just had a psychotic episode nd was real fuckin freaked out bcuz of th blinding paranoia and all the other everythings for a couple months, there. i needed to take a break from tumblr for my own mental health, bcuz i was just... it just. got to be All Too Much, and when that damn movie dropped on top of it all, especially, but-- i digress. 

when i get scared, i hide. so. i took a break. because every time i logged onto tumblr, i would just purposefully spend hours looking at shit that i Knew would be emotionally distressing at best and actively triggering at worst--Do Not Do This, btw. shock, horror, surprise, CapCap, but yes, self-harm does in fact do harm to oneself--and it has largely been a long two months shivering in delusional-terrified-prey-animal-mode under a metaphorical fucking rock in the meantime... but, that said, i do still apologize to those of you who i made worry, going dead silent like that.

ep's over now. the time away was... good for me, i think. ultimately. 

even as odd as it is, as a result of it, to see the post-movie sm2099-sphere, and watch from the outside the effects of my own whale-fall as it ripples through that little space that used to just be mine to bear for so long, for the most part. funny little quiet echoes of my own ego and thumbprints i can only recognize because i see them on my own hands every day, and then idly kinda wonder if i deserve to even have had that kind of impact in the first place. the earnest sincerity of that kind of love frightens and flatters and completely, utterly, melts and destroys me, entire. it is sweet to be acknowledged. it is perplexing to Exist outside of myself, and be praised for it. 

..and it is amusing, sometimes, when i can occasionally tell that someone has just Sparknotes-ed from my fic instead of reading the comics because they misinterpreted one of the Jokey-Jokes and/or My Headcanons in there as actual 100-percent comic canon, lol (it's happened more often than you'd think?? im no snitch but i SWEAR im not making this up. im autistic i love 2 Recognize Patterns Across Multiple Bodies of Text 4 fun).

i don't know if i'm quite ready to be Back, yet. but. tonight, i am okay. and i Will Be okay, in the days to come, as well. things are hard now, but they will not always be. 

so. i'll see you later, whenever that is. i hope the future is kind to you. we'll get there together, even if it isn't.

[intoafandom]

Ok bruinsblr, it’s been a few weeks and i think im finally ready to say some stuff.....

Firstly, if it wasn’t ABUNDANTLY CLEAR, i was in denial, probably more than ive ever been in my entire life. I’m only NOW starting to feel it as I type this out (which i KNEW would happen and its why i put off making this post).

It doesn’t feel real. It feels like someone took the script and ripped it into a thousand pieces. It feels like it wasn’t supposed to happen that way at all and that there was something evil force flipping the scales. It feels like everything just suddenly disappeared, like all of the sudden everything just freaking stopped and everyone just disappeared. I feel like I haven’t seen the team in YEARS even though its only been a couple weeks. Everything just feels gone.

Yall know ive been posting about oneus (and onewe) waaaay more often lately (and its not just because they came back with new music and ravns been active). Again, ive been in denial and oneus (and onewe) are my helpful distraction. Cuz otherwise ik i would’ve been a total complete mess. 2019 still feels worse to me because, again, I haven’t let myself feel all the emotions tied to the elimination. I haven’t thought about bergy or krech, I haven’t thought about the free agents, or anything else relating to it because if i do ik I’ll probably break aaaand im not ready to go down that road yet.

I’m happy about the regular season, probably more than I’ll ever be about another season ever again. Everything that happened was so surreal. Linus’ goaie goal, the bench clearing for Bergy’s 1000th point (and the fact that i got to go to the game where they honored him). The winter classic at fenway and JD killing it in LITERALLY every way possible. We got pooh bear, we got meth bear, we got everything. There were so many milestones, so many players who had the best seasons of their career.

I kinda feel like im in limbo. Like I don’t really know what to do with myself. Cuz i literally haven’t watched ANY other playoff games and it all just feels so weird. And i guess that’s the word that sums everything up for me. Weird.

I think when the season started, we all could feel that this was the last dance. And now that its over, I don’t know how to feel or what to do. I don’t even know how to post about the bruins rn. Cuz everything just feels so freaking weird and disconnected. I think im just detached from reality. I’m in my own little space where none of the painful emotions have fully hit me yet.

And now i feel like i don’t really know what to do with myself. Because since 2018 this has been a hockey blog (with a few other things randomly thrown in). The past 5 years have been hockey hockey hockey, and ive been posting about the same people for so freaking long.

And like...I don’t really know what to do now because im pretty 100% sure that some of those core people are going to be gone. Dynamics are going to change, and im someone who HATES change.

Honestly, at the beginning of the season/the end of last season, I was almost completely checked out of bruinsblr. That was the height of all the drama (iykyk) and the team got crushed in the playoffs + all the sh!t canes fans did to pasta. I was sick of lb’ing because i just wanted to watch the games in peace without having to see all the hate. I was sick of missing cute cellys just so i could type “BERGY YOU KING” before anyone else. I was exhausted.

But then this season came along and it was like all the joy from 2018-19 (my first year as a hockey fan) all came back. I was lb’ing the way i used to, without focusing on notes or followers. I was just enjoying it. Enjoying the games, enjoying the moments in real time. I didn’t make as many edits, I didn’t force myself to make them when I wasn’t motivated.

I enjoyed the season the way i was supposed to. As a fan rather than...whatever the fvck this account is. And it was amazing.

All this to say, idk what is coming. Idk what this off-season is gunna be like and idk what next season is gunna be like. Will I still lb? Maybe. Will I still edit the bruins? Maybe. Will I still post about the bruins? Maybe. Probably.

But am I going to obsess over the wags anymore? No. Am I going to screenshot things from insta and post them here with the caption “omg player xyz is so funny/cute for this!” No. That’s stuff I feel I’ve grown out of. Don’t get me wrong, i still love jd and cmac and bambi carlo and all the others, but i dont feel like posting about their personal lives anymore, especially when yall can just go to their instas and see it RIGHT THERE.

Here’s what I know though. I still love the bruins. I love their friendships and the team dynamics. I still love hockey, i still love sports. And this is still a fan account (duh its literally called IntoAFandom). I’m still going to post/talk/rant about it all. I’m still going to be a reblog queen and im still going to follow the tags like ive always done.

But I’m also telling you that I’m going to he posting a lot of oneus and onewe now. I feel like im moving into a new stage and they’re a part of it. So if you dont like it, this is your out. I wont get offended, kpop isn’t for everyone (hell, i used to ACTIVELY avoid it the entire time i was in high school and for a couple years after I graduated too).

Basically, I’m going to do what makes me happy now, just as I started doing this season. I’m going to do whatever I’m in the mood to do and I’m not going to force myself to do anything. Im going to watch the bruins and im going to continue to be a fan of them. I still love them and i still love the team. But im also going to love oneus and onewe and im going to stop holding myself back.

Yall know i loved marvel for the last 5 years too, but i think a lot of you probably know that I haven’t been into it lately, but that’s a post for a different time lol.

All this to say im growing. Im exploring new things, finding new loves. And its fun. Im learning korean (why am I lowkey good lol), I’m writing a book, i finally got over my fear of talking to people (yay me).

I feel like im starting to look at the world in a new way, a way I haven’t looked at it in a long time. And it’s making me happy, honestly.

This post took a weird (theres that word again) turn, so I apologize, but i feel like this is all connected somehow. I don’t know what this account is going to look like in a few months, but I guess thats the fun of it all.

Thanks for reading, sorry for the typos (ik there’s gunna be some but I’m too lazy to proof read this oop).

Thank you to all the friends ive made on bruinsblr (Liv and Sarah, thank you❤️). This isn’t a goodbye, because lets be real lol. But I guess its a new beginning? Idk. But yeah.

[a0random0person]

Fish for dinner

a few days ago i wrote a pilot for something i have in mind, i posted it on wattpad and left it there ever since. Sooooooooooo i got the idea of also posting it here. I had a lot of fun writing it but i feel like i should get better at writing characters when they're under water. 

things to leave clear is that the character is a 12 yr old and an oc of mine, also the sister but she's around her 20's. For some reason tumblr has been giving me trouble posting this.

Yeah i like fish, my favorite is salmon. older sister often cooks thee food based on what she hunts. Deer? Will be preapared for dinner. Some bird? Maybe as a snack or breakfast. Fish? She dislikes fish. Bear? They're delicious. However, i was not expecting to be the one hunting this time, i have never done it before! Atleast not by myself. Sister will always, like every single time without exception, take me to hunt with her, and i like it, it’s so cool seeing her use her bow and kill thee animals with one single arrow. She's impressive like that. But all that coolnes she irriadates isn’t enough to keep me from being… a little bit impulsive, but it’s not my fault, i just looked at a rock path while we were hunting together, though it would be nice walking down that way and did it! And i was sneaky enough for sister to not notice. Okay, let me tell you what happened, because it was a LOT. “SISTER! Where are you?” my voice came more quiet than loud, which annoyed me, obviously. “SIST-” a sound interrupted my second call for her “sister?..” then it went on again, a sound that was like a mix between a growl and water moving, and it came from deep within the forest. It is tempting search for the sound.. Tempting enough to convince me, monsters aren’t real afterall. I walked between the trees, looking all around for any signal of what might have done such weird echo. Only two minutes in i saw a lake, then the same sound tingled my ears again, it was then when i knew that growl was coming from the big lake. Only someone stupid would risk it and ignore the sign near the lake that said ‘DANGER AHEAD, AVOID AT ALL COST’. Good thing I'm not smart. As a matter of fact, i only have a damaged spoon with me to defend myself, and the spoon doesn’t even look like a spoon, it looks like a fork, a malnourished fork. At least it’s sharp… my shoes were getting dirty with each step i took closer to the lake, the silence in the forest disturbing, now im face to face with the lake, glaring back at whatever is in there. “Coward! face me!” i attempted to get the source of the sound to appear, but of course the thing is a coward, who wouldn’t be afraid of the great future heroe Adam hor- All thought i had was interrupted as i was abruptly pulled into the lake by something, It's awfully cold and too deep, so deep that all i could see was a dark blue almost as if i was deep in the ocean, and i can see what pulled me in and the same thing doing the sounds. Big, really big, a reptile like monster with a long neck, its eyes yellow and intimidating, the teeths enough to break throughout steel. The water muffled my scream as i swimmed sideways and barely avoided a bite from the monster. i had to escape this, AND FAST. My feet kicked as i tried to reach the surface before the long neck monster could try and go for another bite, or else i might be the one for dinner. But my body was too small for me to swim in time, of course it was! The thing was already going for it and here i was, hopeless and… no. What would my sister do? She would think of a plan and get rid of this thing and make it for lunch, i need to think like her, she’s a heroe, my heroe! Rolfus (i’ll call the monster rolfus, an ugly name for an ugly creature) was merely centimeters from eating me whole, but at the last second i managed to almost avoid it once again. his or her mouth catched two fingers of my right hand, i cried but the tears got lost in the endless water. My body was in autopilot when i used the fork on my other hand to stab it in his lips, if reptiles had lips, somehow the stab i did was strong enough for it to let me hold into rolfus, the beast now trying to get me off but couldn’t.

The gods must know why, but at my birth i was blessed with a body stronger than the rest, and not only was it physycal strenght, no no no.. It was on everything! Endurance, skills, speed, beauty (not to brag), strenght. It never came in handy (except on getting the ladies, and also men for some reason) but at this moment of life or death it came to my rescue. Using the fork once more, i climbed to rolfus eye and stabbed it, causing a loud roar to leave him. i would have gone deaf if it wasnt for the water. With all the adrenaline in my body i pulled strong enough to dettach the eye from its socket and lost my hold on rolfus, the currents pushing me upwards near the surface. i remembered that I'm a mammal and not a fish, so without hesitation i swimmed and left the lake, running away with now the eye of that monster and with the lack of two fingers, and a bleeding hand. If running was a job i would be a millionare. i only stopped my legs from moving when i heard a familiar voice in the distance. “ADAM!” I turned to look at the voice, staring back at my sister pacing towards me, and in one swift look she picked me up “what is wrong with you!? you shouldnt have-” her expression changed from worry to total shock as she saw the state of my hand and what i was carrying. ”Adam-” my body felt weak, tired and exhausted, but i still have some little energy to speak. "I want fish fork dinner"

[sometimesrosy]

Hello! Just saw the post you reblogged about reading, and I was already coming here to send you an ask about it. I LOVE reading. I enjoy it so much I lose myself in it and, if I’m really enjoying a book, I’ll stay up waaaay super late to read some more. But, I’m lazy to start reading. I’ll either read a book in a week or in 3 months, no matter how much I’m enjoying it, because I’ll do an “involuntary” break in the middle. I’ll be like “oh I really need to finish xxx book, I was liking it so much!” and proceed to not pick it up for a month. I make excuses sometimes, for example, I wear contact lenses and don’t have glasses, so I don’t read in bed because I can’t see. I’ve also talked myself into trying to believe that it’s ok to not read, because it means I chose to do something else. But sometimes that something else is staring at my phone. If I love reading so much, why don’t I do it more often? What can I do to change that? Thank you.

Hmm. That's an interesting problem to have. It's definitely solvable, if the only problem is you get distracted and lose focus.

I think I commented on that post that I definitely had a reading drought. It was anxiety that stopped me from reading.

And I didn't solve that reading issue until I found a genre that didn't exacerbate my anxiety. And it was historical romance! Which for me is fantastical enough to not be real life problems, and has a convention of requiring a happy ever after so I don't have to worry about the heroes I've invested in being destroyed in the end.

I also think that romance novels are often about healing more than causing trauma and I like that.

BUT if your problem isn't one of mental health, it might just be habits that you're struggling with.

It's easy to just scroll social media instead of reading. Or watch tv or streaming.

But you could actually replace some of that time in your schedule with reading. Whatever works for you. Half an hour during lunch to relax. Or on public transport if you do that. Before dinner... just don't turn on the tv. Or maybe end your streaming/tv watching an hour earlier than normal, and turn to reading instead. It's better for your sleep anyway.

You could also try reading short form material. Short stories. Novellas. Poetry. Essays. No one says you have to be reading huge long epic sagas and multi volume series.

Oh, also, some people REALLY love audio books. They're good for a commute or when you're doing something physical like crafts or cooking or jogging or whatever. Audio books count as books.

I have a solution to your reading in bed problem. A couple of solutions. I keep a pair of reading glasses by my bed. I bought a weird little triangle pillow to hold up my books, too. And my phone for scrolling if I'm honest. Sometimes I have them both on there, and I play candy crush while I'm reading. I don't know why it took me so long to realize that I have adhd. Sometimes I will have a fidget toy while I read. It actually helps me focus and keeps me from getting distracted. But to be honest, that could be one reason you stop reading and move on to something else.

Also, I read on a kindle paperwhite now. I have found this the best way to read at night. It is lit, so I don't need a lamp to read, and I can also switch it to night reading so it doesn't hurt my eyes. I can enlarge the text so that I can see it without struggling and it's easier to hold while in bed. Not to mention I can switch between books or when I finish I can get another one.

Books are the one thing I actually spend money on so I've built a library in my kindle, but you can also get ebooks through your library and kindleunlimited gives you access to a whole host of books for free... if you're an avid reader like I am.

I also like carrying my kindle with me so I can read whenever I have free time, like waiting on line or whenever. It fits in a pocket or my purse. Not to advertise for one of the evil empires (amazon) but I love my kindle. It makes reading physically easier in many situations.

HOWEVER. If you're having trouble reading, it is actually okay not to read. If you find it taxing. That's fine. If you can only read fanfic or graphic novels or audio books. They absolutely count as reading.

Allow yourself to do what you need to do for your needs. Give yourself a break on what you think you 'should' be doing. But if you really WANT to be reading, you might need to consciously make room for it in your schedule and routine.

I honestly have stopped watching tv and am reading my historical novels instead and I do not regret it.

[josiebelladonna]

how did i ever associate myself with such swarthy, depressing people (plus, facebook needs to make up its mind whether it wants to present the pfps as squares or circles)

meanwhile, i’m fucking dying over here. plus, my selfies get relatively little attention, too: i think there was one that got close to 20, while miss depressing who hates herself but loves her partner™️ gets upwards of 50 on her worst day.

forgive me if i sound insecure but there’s no denying the truth about how i feel. like, gee, everyone wonders why i go primarily over to instagram now and why i’m often on the fence about posting pics of myself on here, too: facebook has made me feel ugly and useless and unpopular to the worst extent, and tumblr doesn’t help. but as i write this out, i realize that these people are the real ugly ones: sorry, your s.o.’s aren’t attractive, they look greasy; nathan peck is better-looking than these guys. i can smell your bad breath even through the screen. going vegan all because red meat is expensive is quite literally the dumbest thing i ever heard, and saying “just buy chicken” is even dumber (it’s called “spend your money wisely, like holy shit”). that sport post had me scratching my head before i realized it was about f1: f1blr is more concise than that. this is all just from today, too: i went in last night and it was basically all this and more. the only good thing was a story from alex (well, he’s my baby: i love him to the moon and back, of course i’m going to pay attention to him 😅).

the whole place is frozen in time, too, like i’m seeing posts that may have been gold in 2011/2012 that are cliché now: borderline sexist, too, like there were a few posts i saw last night that made fun of men while upholding women, which is totally progressive and productive and whatnot, bashing people to make yourself feel better (or bashing your own gender to make yourself look cool instead of taking steps to break the stereotype). you know how we like to bitch about tiktok ruining everything and feeding into a.d.h.d. to the point of destroying our brains: facebook has the opposite effect, leaving everyone in the same headspace they were 10+ years ago at the expense of growing and changing as people and realizing that there’s more to life than griping about the electoral process and doing nothing about it all for the sake of pleasing your so-called connections (hmm, where have i heard that one…). destruction of gray matter works both ways.

when i give advice, first of all, i try not to use the word “just”. “just do this”. i always saw that on there. always. without fail. and I always got condescending remarks, too. “oh, you seem like such a nice person, honey”. call me honey again and i’ll make sure you have honey slathered all over those words of yours on toast. second, i try to advise while giving my own experience because that’s quite literally how you relate to people. saying “just do ____” is dismissive, so is the whole “iT’s FuNnY ‘cAuSe It’S tRuE” vibe of meme culture. i feel like tiktok sort of garnished and accelerated what facebook had started here and that’s making us all lose our sense of humanity (sense of humor, too, like there’s so many memes now that go right over my head).

maybe that’s why art has become a punchline of sorts. and i’ll admit it, i was born unpopular (i feel like if i met alex and took a selfie with him, no one on there would bat a lash. it happened with soundgarden sharing my art, it can happen with him). but last night and just now were signs to me that really all everyone seems to care about is looking cool at the expense of who they are at their core, and it all goes back to the old stodgy severely backed-up toilet that is facebook.

this has to be a sign to bury that place, y’all. come on. it had a great run, but it’s over now.

[mobloomspell]

Reading diary

I want to start sharing more of what I read or watch these days, partly for myself, and also because I do actually engage with a lot during my free time but for a variety of reasons it’s not a “fandom” I can otherwise passively reblog stuff for and share that way. Putting my thoughts into blurbs can also be a low-stakes way of getting back into writing and hopefully beat a block I’ve been struggling with.

Pandora Hearts by Jun Mochizuki - read 10 volumes so far out of the complete 24. I mostly started this because Vanitas is on hiatus and I got sick of people spoiling it for me in critique/theory posts, and right now I can only say I think I’m too old for it. If I hadn’t been into Tsubasa, this probably would have been the convoluted fantasy I’d been obsessed with back when it was first coming out, but I’m not really that person anymore. I like parts of it (Gilbert and Alice are great, the art consistently improves) and can see how it may slowly become more of those bits I enjoy, but I also have zero patience for “carrot on a stick” style storytelling, even good examples of said storytelling, so its main mystery doesn’t intrigue me. Taking a break for a little while, and I’ll eventually come back to check out the second half people really remember this series for. I guess I love Vanitas so much nothing can compare right now, not even the author’s previous work.

Into the Wild by John Krakeur - I originally started reading this on my breaks at work, since I was cleaning a community college in the evenings and this was one of the books as part of an adult literacy class. Full transparency, I mostly bought this as a reference because I’m working on a Breath of the Wild adaptation fic, and I thought it not only described wild environments in a compelling way, but since I can’t do hiking or camping myself right now I thought it would be good research for basic things to know (I have a second-hand Adam Shoalts book for similar reasons). Right in the preface, the author says he is not trying to be a distant biographer, he was drawn to know more about Chris McCandless’ life and death because he’d been through similar experiences, and that honestly shows up a lot throughout even the more prosaic recountings. The book paints Chris as a completely normal guy, occasionally naive and stubborn but not as stupid as some detractors painted him as. My only major gripe is that it prioritizes men’s perspectives quite often while breezing by women’s thoughts and intersections in the recounting, almost like “they exist, too, I guess.” Part of this I’ve learned later is intentional - Chris’ sister Carine wanted to keep a lot of details about their volatile childhood off-record because her relationship with her parents had improved by the time she was being interviewed, but it still bothers me when the gender balance is so skewed to one side. I took a chance on this book and minor annoyances aside, I don’t regret my time with it.

From Here to Eternity by Caitlin Doughty - I got into Ask a Mortician videos shortly before the pandemic, and decided to buy this because I was interested in learning about other funeral customs around the world. The segments vary in detail, some being more travelogue than history, but the whole thing is a very sincere wish for the funeral industry to help people through grief by not treating death as a scary, unseeable and untouchable phenomena. I really appreciated a segment wherein Doughty’s coworker and friend shared her own story of loss with a miscarriage and just wanting to acknowledge that her grief wasn’t stoic and graceful. It is basically an Ask a Mortician video in less than 300 pages, humorous asides and all, so if you like those I’d recommend it for other people also looking for a Death Industry intro. My paperback copy also has really nice gold foil and orange-peel texture covers, its the prettiest book about corpses I may ever own.

[jaz-rites]

it’s been a while

wow, what a year. just... hm. that was certainly something.

I’ve decided that I’m gonna change up the style of this blog, to better accommodate... well, a lot of things. How I feel about writing. How I feel about stories. How to keep myself motivated despite everything.

just a few highlights from my year:

frankly, it’s difficult as hell to even remember what all happened this year. every year since 2019 has felt like a whole decade each, and yet i still keep referring to things that happened in 2020 as “last year.” yikes, right. complex trauma certainly does affect memory huh

just this year, I went from living with my partner & our cat in a leaky, broken-down RV to being housed, then re-housed because the first house wasn’t habitable (though of course the landlords rented it out again as soon as we left, without fixing anything.) I spent the entire summer and autumn recovering from the exhaustion of moving metamorphosing immediately into problems at the apartment (we moved into a pest problem, and just as everything in the apartment has started to break down.) Now it’s already December, and our lease at this apartment is ending in late spring, and hopefully also our time in Kansas. I spent almost the entire year inside again, and that’s showing no signs of improving as covid and other viruses worsen again with no sign of help from those supposedly elected to serve the needs of the people.

I’ll always find as much time for writing as I possibly can-- it’s my favorite hobby, and I’m not about to abandon my goal of writing a novel. I might just go at a slower pace, to accommodate for the way my life has been picking up in terms of responsibilities. I’m back in school, for something I really enjoy and appreciate, and I’m piecing together how to make it my full-time job. My partner and I are looking at houses with my siblings. I’m looking into my future and I see a family and a home there, coming ever-closer.

so much is bleak when i look outside the tiny, slowly-expanding bubble I’ve been able to help maintain. sometimes I get impatient with the way progress takes time.

I took a couple months off after working on a story really hardcore for like 2 months solid. Definitely burned myself out on that one for a while. In the meantime, I’ve been working here and there on non-novel-related writing, and some other personal writing projects. I’ve come to accept that the big ol’ writing challenges simply aren’t well-suited to my style. I work on things as the inspiration comes, I’m always thinking about one story or another even if I’m not writing it. I haven’t yet figured out how to augment and adapt NaNoWriMo-types of challenges to my style, so I’ll just keep writing in my own way. I hope the tortoise give me their blessing for this race.

I started working on a cozy paranormal story inspired a little bit by Natsume’s Book of Friends, just because I absolutely adore the vibe of that show, to the point where it’s one I’ve adopted into my very small collection of comfort watches. working on something I well and fully acknowledge as escapist has had its perks when the bad news gets to be too much. I’m lucky I’ve had the luxury to hide from danger. All of my writing has started to reflect, more than a little bit, how I wish the world would be. I’m still working on WTF, I’m still working on Trash Prince, I’m working on my Cozy Story. Just rapidly oscillating between writing various stories and resting, as my whims demand.

anyway. it’s hard to keep this light, but that’s something I want to acknowledge, too. I don’t want this blog to be only about certain parts of my writing process. I don’t feel drawn to make this blog particularly polished. I made it so I could talk about writing, which for me, is a chaotic, meandering process. So, instead of just using this blog to share semi-polished writing and fundraising links, I’ll be using it more often for journal-ish posts like this, the occasional out-of-context rambling about one of my writing projects as I’m working through something I’m stuck on, or have a new idea to include. And probably, hopefully, more shitposts.

seeya soon,

- jaz

[addieabroad]

Weeks one - three

Playing catch up

Sept. 3 — I finally landed in Buenos Aires after months of anxious waiting, and the cool morning air of the Southern Hemisphere’s winter greeted me. What a shock, coming from Missoula’s 90° days. I was driven into the city — it was early and quiet on a Saturday morning — and eagerly traced the skyline as we came closer and closer.

The first day went by in a blur (so much of a blur I forgot the expectation was one blog a week, as you can see evident here in my catch-up). I met my host Caro and my roommate Meli, and after a little nap Caro showed us around our neighborhood. We’re situated in Palermo, the biggest neighborhood of Buenos Aires and one of the most popular, with just about every major attraction in walking - or subway-distance.

I spent the next week getting oriented at my internship and exploring a few of the many diverse and varied neighborhoods of the city. I met Ava, here on a study abroad from Ireland, and Kara, interning at a hospital in the province of Buenos Aires. The two girls took me under their wing and showed me around the city that has been their home for the last two months.

I checked a lot of the major attractions off my list: the San Telmo Sunday market, la Boca’s Caminito, el Ateneo Grand Splendid, el Teatro Colon, Plaza del Mayo (and el obelisco), Recoleta Cemetery, Palermo Soho, the Japanese and Botanical Gardens, the Planetarium and the Eco-Park.

Along with the sight-seeing came the cafe-hopping. Argentina is a country that loves its meat and bread (and cheese, unfortunately for my lactose-intolerance). I’ve come to know authentic empanadas, medialunas (different from a croissant, more dense and moist), milanesas and sandwiches de miga. I still need to try choripan, a dish believed to originate in Argentina that consists of, well, chorizo and bread. The name couldn’t be more on-the-nose.

I’ve spent a lot of time shopping, exploring and tasting everything BA has to offer! I’ve also really enjoyed going to the park (I have so many options here, Argentina knows how to design a city with plenty of greenery) after work to read and people-watch. I also love spending time with my host and roommate. Every conversation with them pushes my Spanish, and I can feel myself learning so much.

Speaking of learning so much, my internship has proven to be an incredibly valuable learning experience so far. While I’m certainly not breaking international news or interviewing celebrities, I am soaking up all I can from my editors. I’ve just been working on a series of stories about internationally recognized holidays and how they relate to Argentina, as well as conducting a semester-long audit of my organization’s social media. My Spanish has a long way to go, but there’s no better way to go about learning than intense (and often anxiety-inducing) exposure.

Over the last three weeks, I’ve continued to get acquainted with the city. It strikes me that I could do no outside travel, spend all my weeks here, and still not see all Buenos Aires has to offer. What fun! I’ve got some cool stuff planned, though, and am eager to explore the countryside of Argentina (and of course Patagonia!). Last week, I did a day trip to Tigre, part of the Buenos Aires province but outside of city limits, which I’ll write about in a separate post.

This trip has been great at nudging me out of my comfort zone. I’ve spent lots of time by myself, exploring neighborhoods and cafes and learning to be content with my own company. It’s certainly helped spark my sense of adventure! Even when things are scary or new, and they often are, I remind myself how enriching they are in turn. I’m quite the proponent of choosing the experience that scares you, that makes you just a little uncomfortable, over the default, comfortable, known routine. But it’s often much easier to talk the talk than walk the walk.

Anyway, I think that about brings us up to speed! xx

[svtminghaolove]

First time meeting you - Hip hop unit (SVT)

Hello! This is my first imagine/preference or whatever post! I hope you like it and well, the rest will come soon!

Triggers: No triggers in this part I think, but if you find something: please contact me and I will put them in.

S.Coups: You moved to South Korea during your collage years, you had fallen in love with the country during your exchange year and therefore decided to stay. Now days you were studying to be a nurse and worked part time at a small coffeeshop close to your apartment. That's where you met Seungcheol. 

It was late in the evening, you were the last one in the store and was just about to close down the place when the door opened. At first you got a little scared, like who wouldn't when a tall man dressed in all black and a mask walked in? But when he saw that you got a bit frighten by his sudden appearance, he took the mask off and gave you a soft smile.

"Sorry for the late visit, but would it be possible to order five iced americanos?", you blinked when you realized who it was.

"Y-yeah, sure", you turned around and started working on the coffee. It was Seungcheol from SEVENTEEN! You wouldn’t say that you were a fan but listened to some of their music, and he was the first celebrity you had met so it made the whole thing a bit more exciting.

"I'm really sorry for coming in so late", he sounded closer than he was before.

"I get it, late work nights are the worst."

"Happens often for you?", you turned around and gave him a soft smile.

"Yeah, I'm a student so I often take the closing shift, makes most sense for my schedule", you leaned back against the counter while waiting for the coffee.

"And you? Late nights in the studio or dancing?"

"The studio", he smiled, a bit pleased that you knew who he was.

"New album?", he nodded.

"Are you a fan?", the beeping filled the empty coffee shop and you started pouring ice in cups.

"Well, I listen to your music and so, but wouldn't call myself a fan", you smiled as you put down the cups in the bag. "Sorry"

"We'll just have to try harder then", he gave me a smile and picked up his phone to pay.

"I'll look forward to it", you pushed the bag to him after he paid. "Good luck tonight."

"Thank you", he put his mask on before he took the drinks. He gave you a small wave as he walked out the door. You smiled, and waved back before starting to close down for real this time. You didn't think much of the meeting, it was a simple conversation left in your memory as you wouldn't meet him again.

But then he came back to the coffeeshop the day after too.

Wonwoo: Your first time meeting was at the library, but not one of those big malls libraries. It was a small one, hidden away in the alley between two buildings with an owner who always offered different foods or treats when you came to visit. You had been staying in South Korea during a period of your life where you didn't work. You worked as a ghost writer and had taken a break since the last time you had one was back in high school, and South Korea had seemed like the most attractive offer.

You had been there for about a month and found this small library about a week ago, and now you were sitting there, reading some random novel.

"Oh, sorry", you could barley make out the words through your headphones, but looked up to see a very tall man with a face mask standing next to you.

"Oh! Am I in the way?", you rose up from the floor and he gave you a soft nod. He reached behind where you were just sitting and started to look.

"It's not here…", he started to mumble and you looked down at the book in you hand.

"Excuse me...", he looked up at you. "Is this the book you're looking for?", you held the book up. He stood up.

"Yes it was, I can come back for it another time", he said and turned around.

"You can have it, I was just browsing through it", you offered the book to him and saw that he was smiling behind his mask.

"Thank you…", he said and you offered him your hand.

"I'm y/n", he hesitated for a second before pulling down his mask and shook your hand.

"Jeon Won Woo."

You didn't know who he was at the time and just spent an hour or two reading in silence together before he had to leave. It was only after you left that you realized that you didn't get his number.

Mingyu: Your mom was a fashion designer and occasionally you would walk in fashion shows for her. That night you were one of the models walking the show. Your moms company had a close bond with the KPOP industry and therefore it wasn't unusual for you to walk on the runway with KPOP idols, and this night it just happened that Mingyu was your walking partner.

"Hello! Nice to meet you, my name y/n!", you reached your hand forward for Mingyu to shake. You had a habit of being the first one to talk when you met someone new, since your Scandinavian roots made people assume that you didn't speak Korean.

"I know, your mom is the designer", he gave you a smile and shook your hand.

"I'm Kim Min Gyu, nice to meet you."

"So, first time walking for my moms show?", you two got ready to walk the runway.

"No, third time. Your mom designs a lot of SEVENTEENS stage outfits", he said and I nodded.

"Yeah, I loved your show last week by the way", you let your smile drop as you began to walk the runway.

"Oh, you were there?", he continued talking to you, but with a neutral look on his face. You did a dramatic gasp.

"Oh no, you don't follow me on social media? I'm hurt!", you were being over dramatic trying to make him smile, which only placed a big grin on your face as you reached the end of the runway.

"Y/N! Focus!", your mom said sternly and you blew her a kiss before bringing back your neutral look. Mingyu's shoulders shook a bit as you turned around and you realized that he was holding back a laugh.

"Hey!", you laughed as you came back where you started and gave him a soft shove back through the curtains.

When you got home after the runway that night, you got a notice on your phone that a certain black haired boy was now following you.

Vernon: So you were a model in New York, walking a smaller show to help out a friend that had just gotten started. It was a small place with a small runway that a friend of a friend had built for the evening. You were a pretty big deal in the model industry, a young Danish girl that came from nowhere and had a huge talent.

You had a practice run earlier in the evening, so you knew it would be a tight fit when you met another girl on the runway. Apparently the girl who walked against you right now had missed that memo.

She got a bit too close to you, making you have to step to the side. What you had missed was that there was no stage left on your side, so your feet hit the air and you began to fall.

"Ouff!", you breathed out as you fell onto the crowd. The guy that now had you on his lap also let out a heavy breath.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm so sorry!", you said at the same time and rose up from his lap. You turned around and the guy with soft brown hair gave you an equally soft smile.

"I'm alright, how are you, are you hurt?"

"I'm fine…"

"Y/N!", the girl that I walked against looked down at me from the high stage.

"Are you okay? I'm so sorry!", she said and I shook my head.

"Don't worry about it", you smiled and bowed slightly to the crowd who had stood up from their chairs to see me. "I'm okay! Sorry for interrupting the show!", you smiled and placed your hands on the stage to push yourself up.

"Let me help you", the man said and stood up from his chair, he was tall, taller than you and you had high heels on. He looked at you as if getting consent and you nodded. He placed his hands on your waist and softly lifted you up on the stage

"Thank you", you breathed out and the man got an applaud from the people, that you happily joined. Ha gave a small wave and soft smile before he sat down again.

You smiled as you walked the rest of the show, waving and laughing softly. After the show your were quick to grab the man whose name you found out was Vernon, to hopefully get his number.

And you got it, and a coffee date the next day.

----

Masterlist

[prolix-yuy]

Chapter 2: See, You Met Me At An Interesting Time

Pairing: Din Djarin x F!Reader

Summary: An offer. A refusal. Silence. Confusion.

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: T, nothing much here just some old fashioned yearning. While this story is not explicit, my blog and the content shared on it is 18+ MINORS DNI.

Cross-posted on AO3

Me or the Thought of Me Masterlist || I Think of You Series Masterlist

A few days later you settled on board the Razor Crest, and the pervasive silence and boredom has become less of a surprise and more of a constant.

You thought the awkwardness of that first night was due to the danger of your situation, soaked in blood and terror and stress.

Your body had hovered on the edge of excitement and anxiety for hours, settled into the jump seat behind Mando. It didn’t seem like he needed to man the ship, but he flipped switches and turned his head and at least looked busy.

“I’m sorry this was all so…sudden,” he finally said, breaking the tension like a crack in the viewport.

“It’s okay,” you replied, your eyes dancing between his hands, his shoulder and the curve of his helmet. “I know this isn’t…what you had in mind.” He nods, his movements jerky. You hadn’t seen him from this angle before, and he kept making quick half-turns of his head in your direction.

(doesn’t like having someone behind him)

Once you were settled and safe (as safe as you could be with the possibility of Imps pursuing you), you assumed Mando would warm to your presence. The first time you came across each other you were open, friendly, trying to recapture some of the mood that existed between you before you got on the ship.

You’d been looking for something to do, puttering around in the hold when Mando came down from the cockpit. Straightening up, you smiled at him and he stopped in his tracks like a deer in a hunter’s sights.

“If I’m going to be a guest for a time,” you started, shifting your weight on one leg with a hand on your hip, “the least I can do is make myself useful. I’ll admit, I’m not a nanny droid but I can be another pair of hands for the kid...or anything else I can help with.” You took a few steps to close the space (maybe adding a little sway to your hips) and without a second thought put a hand on his arm. It’s nothing more than you’d done a few days before, a touch that conveyed comfort (maybe a little flirt), but it was like touching stone. He was hard beneath your fingers, and the movement of the helmet was smooth and emotionless.

“The kid will be fine, he knows what to do,” he said, moving around you to pick up a piece of scrap leaning against the wall. You could feel the slice of connection between you, your brow furrowing and your hand dropping to your side. Mouth opened in confusion (and protest), you turned but Mando was already clomping down into the bowels of the ship.

(what did you say to get that reaction?)

Since then, it’s become clearer that silence and discomfort are the norm on the Crest. The child is a welcome exception. His noises and what they mean are the new language you’re learning. A coo that drifts off at the end is a sign of oncoming sleep. A series of grunts precedes a temper tantrum. A vocalization that sounds a lot like “patu” is often directed at Mando.

(Does that mean father in the child’s language?)

You have so many questions for Mando, but the silence feels impenetrable. The few times you converse are when he asks if you want something, or to bring you a ration bar or tell you the ‘fresher is ready. He bids you a good morning when you enter the cockpit with the child, and a good night when you head to sleep in his cubby cot. Besides that, conversations don’t seem to be part of the Mandalorian’s arsenal (why are you surprised?) and you never feel like you can pierce the silence yourself, your tongue too dull a weapon against it.

Mando hasn’t set any limits on you, besides “Don’t get in the carbonite chamber,” and “Knock before you enter any place I am,” both requests asked politely and met with agreement. He even gave up his meager bed to you, opting to sleep sitting upright in the cockpit (must be murder on his back). Everything is reasonable. You’re not a prisoner. He’s never been cruel, or made you feel uncomfortable (beyond wondering why he brought you if he didn’t want to be around you). You imagine this is just how he…is.

The feeling strangely pulls you back to the first night you met. The feeling of invisibility, of being hidden in the shadow of a larger presence. The years had made you stronger, more self-assured, and you rarely felt that small anymore. But now, you fear you might go mad if you cannot exist as yourself in some capacity. It’s a prison you won’t return to willingly.

Today Mando caught you scrubbing at a dark stain on your shirt, spreading dampness across your stomach as you try to clean it while wearing it. The child had gotten a little overzealous for his breakfast and spilled half of it on you. You’d excused yourself to the ‘fresher to salvage your only clothing, which now smells of reconstituted broth and overcooked vegetables.

You didn’t hear Mando approach and stand in the ‘fresher door before he spoke, making you bang your knee on the edge of the sink.

(you need him to teach you how he does that)

“There are spare clothes in one of the utility crates until we get on-world.” The statement is short and efficient, and you listen while rubbing your knee.

“Thank you,” you say, the burbles of the child reaching you. You smile a little, trying to catch a look at one of those floppy green ears. Mando has a tool box in one hand, the child tucked in the other, and looks much like an overworked dad with too many responsibilities.

(just let you help)

“Need me to keep an eye on him?” you offer as he moves to head back the way he came. “I’ve been practicing reading stories with all the voices and everything.” Your smile is bright but strained, trying to tamp down the anxiety of another awkward moment. He turns a fraction and looks at you, helmet more unreadable by the day.

(Anything, anything, be useful, be worth taking along, why else are you here?)

“You don’t need to,” Mando replies. The tone is kind, relieving you of a duty, but you persist.

“Mando, I’m going to go crazy if I’m just sitting in your cargo hold all day. I can watch the kid for an hour.”

He shifts the child under his arm, juggling him and the toolbox in a way that has you reaching to help. “I’ve got everything handled.”

“If you say so,” you breathe out, deflating at his dismissal no matter how gently he puts it. Mando and the child’s curious face disappear into the ship and you’re left alone again. The water against your skin raises clammy goosebumps as you wrap your arms around yourself. You turn back into the ‘fresher and catch your reflection in the mirror.

(small small small)

A day later you ransack the clothing bin for something you can wear, exhausted at the texture and smell of your days-old shirt. Mando’s old undershirts, flight suits and underclothes are of varying conditions and oversized, but you think you can make do with an alternate outfit. You consider just staying naked in the ‘fresher as you wash and dry your current clothing but the cold of the ship and the cold of the Mandalorian sway you.

After pondering for a few minutes, you finally choose a long sleeve shirt (torn shorter to give you access to your hands), the bottom half of a flight suit (cuffed to prevent tripping) and suffer the annoyance of washing your underthings frequently rather than wear any underclothing you found in the box.

(too intimate)

By the time you’ve redressed and thrown all your clothing into the laundry (underthings and all), it’s been over 2 hours since you saw or heard Mando. Climbing up the ladder (quickly, you’re getting better at it) you enter the cockpit. The child is sitting in the jump seat and a burst of energy overtakes you at the thought of any interaction.

“Hey there bean,” you call to the child, the first time of many when you want to voice an endearment. Mando’s helmet turns in acknowledgment of your voice but doesn’t say anything. You reach a finger down to let the child grasp it, and he gives you a small squeeze before turning his attention back to blinking lights and tempting buttons on the console.

“Anything exciting?” you ask no one in particular, just a way to fill the silence with your sound.

“Thankfully no,” Mando replies, and you almost stumble in astonishment.

(Are we going to have a conversation?)

“I’m tracking a bounty, one I need to pay for fuel and supplies.” You hold your breath, unwilling to break the spell of this moment. “A few days at most.”

The statement is simple, but the implication is far from.

(A few days and we pick up where we left off?)

(A few days and he’ll be more comfortable with you here?)

(A few days…and you’re going home?)

“Sure, yeah, good,” you finally manage, shifting on your feet as he gets out of the pilot's seat. The T visor rests on you, blocking his exit. You’re not sure why he’s looking off balance until you realize you’re wearing your new ensemble.

“Thanks for these, it’s a relief to have something clean,” you say, plucking at the fabric of the shirt that hangs well below your waist. Feeling both wrapped in warmth and completely bare, you smile at him, begging the Maker for him to just relax around you. But something he sees (or thinks) makes him pick up the child and stride past you (again). Compared to the quiet confidence and stillness you know, he’s almost anxious in his movements, like he’s constantly outrunning something within his own ship.

“Not a problem,” he says as he passes and you try to nod in understanding. The pain in your throat makes it hard to do so.

PREVIOUS || NEXT

[duckprintspress]

How can I return to writing after a long hiatus?

This post is based on a conversation we had in the Duck Prints Press LLC Discord, and all contributors comments have been used/paraphrased/integrated into this post with permission. The people who contributed ideas to this post are: @nottesilhouette, @ramblingandpie, @arialerendeair, @tryslora, @deansmultitudes, @theleakypen, Owlish Intergalactic, myself (I’m @unforth), and one who preferred to remain anonymous.

Few things are harder than coming back to writing after a long period of not writing. Being creative takes a lot of energy, and starting after not doing so for a period of time takes even more energy. The writers on our Discord had a really productive discussion, where we talked about strategies we’ve each personally used to help us get our writing mojo back. None of these methods work for everyone, but if you haven’t written in a while, maybe one of these will work for you!

How to Revive that Creative Writing Spark:

doing sprints with a friend - knowing you’re all in it together can really help!

talking with writing buddies about what you’re each working on - the shared enthusiasm can be really helpful,

journaling, about daily life, or about dreams you’ve had - turning the dream into something coherent can be a great strategy (or, don’t bother, and just write it however crazily it took place!)

pick a random story you wrote in the past and read a chapter, paragraph, or 500 word segment - and look at it as a reader, say things you liked about it, praise it, emphasize the good things about your own writing.

transcribe a song with lyrics you find inspiring, or crack open a favorite book and transcribe a few paragraphs. You can even do it with something you’ve written yourself!

set a low-pressure, low-word count deadline - make it public, if you’re the kind of person that helps, or keep it to yourself.

sign up for a zero-consequence challenge, such as a bingo, or the Duck Prints Press #drabbledaysaturday prompts on Twitter - something where no one will mind if you don’t succeed, but you might find some inspiration.

create a small goal, either daily, weekly, or monthly - it can be a time frame (I’ll write for 5 minutes a day!) or a word count (I’ll write 1,000 words a month!) or even something tiny (I’ll write one sentence a day!) or a public sharing goal (post a ficlet a day!) and then do your best to stick to it, and reward yourself when you succeed.

open your ask box or otherwise solicit short prompts - for example, do a “three sentence” meme (”send me a pairing and a trope and I’ll write a three sentence fill”) or a story title meme (”send me a story title and I’ll write a little about the story I’d create with that title”) or an emoji prompt (”send me three emojis and I’ll write a ficlet”) or make your own fun one that will bring you joy (one of our writers created a “name two characters and I’ll make them kiss in six sentences or less” meme that helped them a lot)

participate in a prompt month, something with no consequences for failure but with prompts that can inspire daily ficlet.

write without editing, and just throw what you create out into the world - anything to get the words flowing.

challenge yourself to write a drabble day, no more and no less.

try changing how or when you write - get a nice journal and write by hand, or if that’s your normal, try writing in a word document instead.

write at different times of day, and see if it’s easier for you over breakfast, or after lights out, or during your lunch break, or by stealing a few minutes while you’re “on the clock” at work.

make an attempt at different formats of writing - if you usually write prose, try a poem; if you usually write really long things, try a drabble.

look out your window, or find a place you like, and just describe what you see.

do some free association exercises - for example, use a random word generator (I use this one sometimes) and then write literally whatever word comes into your head next - keep going until you fill the page, or until it starts to turn into a story, or just until you don’t feel like it any longer.

pick a random sentence (the person who suggested this often uses “Just write anything”) to be the start of a story, and “pants” your way through whatever comes next, without worrying about grammar, continuity, logic, or much of anything.

plan ahead - schedule your writing time and don’t let yourself put it off (rewards for success are always good!) and/or visualize exactly what you want to write ahead so you’re ready when you sit down.

if you get hit by inspiration, don’t put it off - even if all you do is scrawl a sentence in your phone or on scratch paper between other tasks, get it out of your head. Even a single sentence is a creation!

get out of the spaces where your usual things are - go to a park, or on a hike, or in your backyard, or even a different room in your own home, and bring a journal or phone or laptop, and see what strikes you.

pick That Thing You Haven’t Been Letting Yourself Write and ignore all the things you Think You Should Be Writing and just...write what brings you joy

fanfiction can be very helpful, especially in canon using canon-compliant ships/characterizations - there’s no need to do the heavy lifting. Even if you just write the characters going to a grocery store, or talking about what movie they want to watch, or arguing over take out - something short and sweet that’s just for fun, with no expectations for yourself or anyone else.

alternatively, if you’re the type who writes better for others and you’re feeling down - knock out anything, even something short, and post it, and take joy even in a single like or kudos. Knowing even one person out there loved what you wrote can really help.

Any or all of these may help you, but there’s one final one that I, at least, think is the most important of all - and that’s helped me most.

FORGIVE YOURSELF. You have work in progress up. It’s okay to leave them. You told someone you’d write something for them. It’s okay not to. You have a deadline looming. It’s okay to ask for more time, or to withdraw, or - in the end - it’s even okay to ghost. You think what you’ve made is bad. It’s okay if it’s bad. You’ll never be able to create when you’re raking yourself over the coals. Everyone in fandom has “been there” - has missed deadlines, has left challenges, has abandoned works in progress, have reneged on a promise to a friend to write something. Until you forgive yourself, you’ll never be able to create anything, and isn’t even a single sentence that isn’t on that Big Important Thing better than no sentences on anything?

Forgive yourself, and find that spark, inspiration, muse, whatever you want to call it - and write things that bring you joy.

We believe in you!

YOU CAN DO IT!

[pyroclastic727]

Is Amity autistic?

In the Owl House fandom, we hear a lot about how Luz is written to be ADHD. Now I would like to present the flipside: Amity is coded as autistic.

Here’s the breakdown.

Amity is touch-averse. “BuT aMiTy ToUcHeS LuZ aLL tHe TiMe” nice try. The key to autistic touch-aversion is only being okay with touch when she initiates it. And that totally matches up with Amity. See, Amity is really happy when she initiates touch with Luz. She’s also cool with it when Luz holds her hand after standing near her for enough time that Amity can predict an incoming touch. That’s because Amity consents to that touch and expects it.

But when other people touch her? She doesn’t take kindly to that. When Luz initially bumped into her at Covention, she snapped at her and degraded her. Even when she bumped into Luz in Enchanting Grom Fright, her initial instinct was to snap at Luz, since she didn’t expect to be touched. When Hooty touched Amity’s face without consent, she flipped out and beat him up. Not even Lilith beat Hooty up when he wrapped her up in his mucus-filled tube, but Amity gave Hooty the injuries we all wanted to see him with, because he breached her boundaries without her consent. Even as late as the last episode, Amity fell over when her face got close to Luz’s on the bleachers, because she didn’t expect it.

Amity stims. Okay, this one took me a while to catch, since most of the time, Amity is very controlled with her actions. This symptom isn’t very intense; her senses aren’t understimulated too often, and she really only does it when she’s really excited.

Mainly, when Luz offered to carry her. While she adorably scrambled for words, she also flapped her hands against her legs. At first I thought it was just a cute thing she did, but there’s more to it. She was so excited to be held by Luz that it showed up in her hands flapping...a common stim. With Amity feeling more comfortable around her new friends than the old ones, I wouldn’t be surprised to see more stimming in the future.

Amity always has The Mask as her expression. You know, the one with her eyes half-lidded, eyebrows raised, mouth slightly downturned. I also call it the Resting Blight Face, for...reasons.

At first I thought it was just a way to hide her true emotions, since her parents are assholes. But even though Luz makes her feel accepted, she keeps doing it. It’s more like...you know that feeling when you’re thinking really hard, or uncomfortable, or ashamed, or even just relaxed, and you can’t think of which expression to wear quickly enough, so you put on an unreadable one to tide people over? Apparently most people don’t do that, since allistic people tend to have expressions for those feelings, ones that arise naturally.

Another symptom of autism is having hard-to-read expressions, or being less expressive. In Amity’s case, it’s the fact that she doesn’t see a need to have an expression in calmer moments, so she just uses her usual expression.   

Amity hyperfixates. This has several facets, so I’ll break this down.

She initially hyperfixated on school. And that’s how she became top student. Amity Blight is who you would mistake for a “gifted student.” But make no mistake...she is not gifted, and gifted is a bullshit label used to overexert people and force them to keep school as their special interest for their entire lives (and I may have a bit of a vendetta against it). Anyways, we already know she’s a perfectionist. My theory is that Amity originally was hyperfocused on school--the Abominations track, to be exact--and that’s part of how she got so good. Then, her focus shifted, but the school expected her to keep being top student. Cue the perfectionism; she was no longer able to focus on school like she wanted to, but everyone expected her to, so she got insecure about it.

She hyperfixates on Azura, just like Luz did. Yeah, she keeps it secret from the world, for most of the time. But she definitely likes Azura a lot. I mean, she started to reconsider her opinion on Luz when Luz offered her an Azura book. She destroyed her jock career because she tried to use an Azura move in real-life Grudgby. Her interest in Azura is long-lived, starting about the time that her interest in school would have expired (which would explain why she stayed closeted). And we can’t ignore the fact that she sees Azura in Luz and is definitely enjoying the parallels between herself and her fictional counterpart. (Which might not be a coincidence, but that’s an entirely different theory).

She hyperfixates on Luz. Yes, part of this is a crush. But a lot of us have watched Amity’s personality go from alpha bitch to cutest little bean in the Boiling Isles, all thanks to Luz’s influence. Lumity is not a rivals-to-lovers speedrun due to bad writing, it’s due to Amity hyperfixating. She’s already extremely introspective, going so far as to keep a diary where she analyzes and makes sense of herself. It’s not a stretch to say that she identified the faults that kept her from Luz and worked hard to change those off-screen. 

Amity keeps a journal. To me, this seems like masking. You see, Amity is what people would consider to be high-functioning, since she can pass for allistic. But in order to do this, she has to put in significant effort on her part. See, when she does something that makes it so she doesn’t pass, she just sees it as a problem (since she probably doesn’t know about autism, and she passes well enough that she would totally be undiagnosed). Then she tries to fix the problem, in order to keep being perfect. 

Amity has awkward body language. Thanks to the journal and other ways of masking, you don’t see this early on. But once she feels comfortable enough around Luz to let her guard down...she completely forgets boundaries. To review: in episodes 15-17, she throws herself at Luz, holds her formal rival’s hand for 24.71 seconds, blushes every time she sees Luz, and loudly declares her thirsty thoughts about Luz in uniform before literally running away. While some of this can be seen as normal gal pal things or crush things...you’d think a repressed wlw like Amity would try very hard not to touch Luz, so as to avoid being outed. Or at least she would do less of that stuff, so as to respect Luz’s boundaries the way she wants her boundaries to be respected. But that’s not the case, since she straight-up misses a lot of social cues. And since she feels comfortable around Luz, she doesn’t feel the pressure to be so paranoid about the cues, and can be her awkward self. From her point of view, she probably sees it as being freed from her parents’ judgment.

Amity takes things literally, sometimes. Now, this doesn’t happen all the time, since she isn’t heavily affected by this autistic trait. But when Luz says “I’m picking up what you’re putting down” and Amity says “I’m not putting down anything” and looks down...she not only missed the conclusion Luz drew from her words, but also assumed a literal meaning from her words. I can’t come up with many other instances of this, mostly because this doesn’t happen often. I would assume that Amity missed these a lot early on, and learned how to mask/identify them.

Amity is easily upset when things don’t go as planned. Let’s review these. In the library, she gets really mad at Luz when they end up stitched to a book, and it takes Luz’s sweet personality to get Amity to loosen up and laugh over it. When she goes to practice magic, and Luz steals her wand and uses it to get her siblings kidnapped, Amity locks Luz in a cage and assumes that she will get badly injured if she tries to fix the problems she caused. When Luz comes to her school, she panics and focus on how that doesn’t change anything. When she burns Willow’s mind, she appears absolutely terrified of being punished, flinching and bracing for impact when Luz finds her near the memories, constantly trying to distract Luz as they work together to save Willow, and hiding behind Luz when she confronts the Inner Willow. When Luz asks her to join her in Grudgby, Amity doesn’t initially agree, instead taking much more of the episode to come to terms with her involvement in it.

Amity likes predictability. She’s not attached to routines, but she does like being able to expect things. If she makes a plan for the day, she expects that day to adhere to that plan, and she doesn’t respond well when it changes. When Luz comes to her school, she focus on how that doesn’t change anything...not how that would ruin things or complicate things. Whenever she gets involved in Luz’s shenanigans, she either gets angry, scared, or takes a while to accept it. In a broader sense, she takes a while to accept that Luz and her shenanigans are a permanent fixture in her life--sixteen episodes, to be exact.

Finally, it would make for some excellent representation. An ADHD Dominican-American bisexual protagonist is pretty groundbreaking. But an ADHD Dominican-American bisexual protagonist girl who dates an autistic wlw witch girl from another dimension is exactly the kind of intersectional representation you’d expect to see from an unrestricted Owl House crew.

...Now, this might just be me hardcore projecting. I’m a little scared to post this because I don’t know how much of this is me reading into imaginary things, or trying to convince myself that Amity is like me. Feel free to debate/disprove me or support me in the comments. 

[420pogpills]

masterpost of random epic dnf moments

i find so much comfort in these posts that just contain links to loads and loads of epic clips so i wanted to make one of my favourite george&dream moments :’)... this took me several days okay.

in no particular order whatsoever

(♥♥♥) “so...dream.” “what?” “um, hello.” “hi”

(♡♡♡) “george!” “yeah?” “HEY 😁”

(♥♥♥) “that is actually george’s fish” “oh what? i will keep it safe” (bonus: giving fish back)

(♡♡♡) “you two and your inside jokes, you guys are such good friends”

(♥♥♥) “i saw an interesting donation on your stream”

(♡♡♡) “trust me. george - i’m handling it.”

(♥♥♥) “i’m not gonna be hurt if dream is next to me”

(♡♡♡) “you’re making me laugh it’s not even fair!”

(♥♥♥) “i shot you once” “no you shot me multiple times”

(♡♡♡) “oh that’s so hot”

(♥♥♥) “what you gonna do, fight me?”

(♡♡♡) “dream has my number because dream needs me sometimes”

(♥♥♥) “stop you’re hurting me” “i’m hurting you?”

(♡♡♡) “i’m very similar to george so i probably won't like it”

(♥♥♥) “i said i’m in the hot tub right now, he said ‘prove it’”

(♡♡♡) “dream stop killing me!”

(♥♥♥) “i’ve always wanted to explore my sexuality”

(♡♡♡) “this is what happens when you fall down my trap”

(♥♥♥) “i’m so used to having your attention 24/7″

(♡♡♡) “why are you so mean dream?”

(♥♥♥) “you know who reminds me of nemo? george”

(♡♡♡) “first thing’s first-” “i’m the realest”

(♥♥♥) “come hide with me”

(♡♡♡) “he looks so handsome, look at him, look at george”

(♥♥♥) “oh george” “oh dream”

(♡♡♡) “you love me?” “yes, i do”

(♥♥♥) “be careful george”

(♡♡♡) “you’re laughing at every different word i say”

(♥♥♥) “can i have the sword dream?” “say that you love me”

(♡♡♡) “just hug me george”

(♥♥♥) “i’m the mememan, my milk is delicious”

(♡♡♡) “george i’m gonna blow up - come with me”

(♥♥♥) “you couldn’t see what dream was doing”

(♡♡♡) “george is easily a top 10 mcc player”

(♥♥♥) “what would you say my weakness is?” “me”

(♡♡♡) “we were getting this computer repair guy - oh my god”

(♥♥♥) “every time you get near me you just get all red”

(♡♡♡) “you would follow me down here”

(♥♥♥) “dream is a simp for me” “yeah”

(♡♡♡) “nice dream!”

(♥♥♥) “smile - you see him everyday”

(♡♡♡) “you deserve punishment george”

(♥♥♥) “what are you doing george?” “i’m on twitter”

(♡♡♡) “george george george you look amazing george”

(♥♥♥) “you don’t have to follow me everywhere”

(♡♡♡) “get away from dream!”

(♥♥♥) “we’re in the stars”

(♡♡♡) thirdwheelboyhalo

(♥♥♥) “dream is so delightful”

(♡♡♡) “DREAM LET’S GO!”

(♥♥♥) “follow me, i’ll follow you actually - just take me”

(♡♡♡) “dream...” “i had to george, i had to”

(♥♥♥) “i trust my dream”

(♡♡♡) “you don’t brag about your looks”

(♥♥♥) “george just tell me you love me”

(♡♡♡) “someone said ‘dream do you think george is cute’?”

(♥♥♥) “kiss george” “that’s a pretty good forfeit”

(♡♡♡) “a plane ticket to dream’s house”

(♥♥♥) “okay that was pretty pog”

(♡♡♡) “i’ve been too focused on george”

(♥♥♥) little compilation

(♡♡♡) “why’d you say it like that?”

(♥♥♥) “dream’s trying to kill me, he’s killing me!”

(♡♡♡) ���if you won, what would be your first date with george?”

(♥♥♥) “we do everything together”

(♡♡♡) “answer my question!”

(♥♥♥) “oh. yeah. but george too.”

(♡♡♡) “if you win, you have to kiss dream!”

(♥♥♥) “dream... i’m messing up” “oh are you still streaming?”

(♡♡♡) “be careful”

(♥♥♥) suspicious dancing

(♡♡♡) “don’t be greedy george”

(♥♥♥) just... this whole edit

(♡♡♡) “george is mine, go away”

(♥♥♥) “dreeeaaaaam i know you wanna help”

(♡♡♡) “george you’re a genius, george kiss me!”

(♥♥♥) “he was wearing like an oversized dream smile hoodie”

(♡♡♡) george compilation 10/10

(♥♥♥) “i don’t wanna hear you laugh”

(♡♡♡) “whenever dream tries to get a new speed run record he just disappears for a month”

(♥♥♥) laughing face to face

(♡♡♡) “can i have some stuff?”

(♥♥♥) “geoorrgeeee”

(♡♡♡) “he lives in your head actually rent free”

(♥♥♥) “you know quite often we just know what we’re talking about?”

(♡♡♡) “now it backfired because george knows me”

(♥♥♥) “he’s small it’s different”

(♡♡♡) “COME HERE GEORGE!”

(♥♥♥) “you can be my valentine if you want george”

(♡♡♡) “no mom no he broke up with me” (bonus: “george denied me”)

(♥♥♥) “just explain your reasoning for denying me” “you didn't mean it”

(♡♡♡) “goodnight george, goodnight gogy”

(♥♥♥) “dream just saved something from snapchat!”

(♡♡♡) “i’m breaking you out!”

(♥♥♥) “you’ll get punished george"

(♡♡♡) “guys this is like the cutest photo of george ever”

(♥♥♥) “guys i’m opening a new business” “selling george pictures?”

(♡♡♡) “don’t attack the wolf dream i’m not there to save you”

(♥♥♥) “you were like ‘you have to praise me now for 5 minutes’”

(♡♡♡) “why don’t you think i’m here?”

(♥♥♥) “we were playing geoguessr the other day”

(♡♡♡) “i am wheezing and dying and george is dying with me”

(♥♥♥) “you used to get mad at me for placing blocks beneath myself”

(♡♡♡) “you have to clip that” “no”

(♥♥♥) “c’mere”

(♡♡♡) “i almost died, water me!”

(♥♥♥) “me and george”

(♡♡♡) “i wouldn’t want to do it unless he’s here”

(♥♥♥) “me and george were literally holding hands in the hallway”

(♡♡♡) “you should get negative points if you’re an idiot”

(♥♥♥) “kiss”

(♡♡♡) “i thought you might want to confess something”

(♥♥♥) “we’ve been talking to each other for 10 hours?”

(♡♡♡) “i’m not here to disappoint you or anything”

(♥♥♥) “mimic my yawn, that means you love me you know that right?”

(♡♡♡) “i’m not helping you this round” “i need you”

(♥♥♥) “we’re literally on a boat”

(♡♡♡) “you’re so ridiculous”

(♥♥♥) “i fell asleep in a call with george”

(♡♡♡) “wow george you’re great”

(♥♥♥) “dream just went 👉🏻👉🏻”

(♡♡♡) “yessss let’s go” “wait let me pick you up!”

(♥♥♥) “dream sort this out!” “alright wait turn around”

(♡♡♡) “you have pretty privilege”

(♥♥♥) “george i have something that will cheer you up george”

(♡♡♡) “i’ve been by your side since the beginning george”

(♥♥♥) “sitting here forced to drink water, it has absolutely no flavour”

(♡♡♡) “gives back i’ll be good” “no no you won’t”

(♥♥♥) “don’t worry. i’m here george”

(♡♡♡) “dream say hi” “hi”

(♥♥♥) “so george why are you laying in bed while you’re talking to dream?”

(♡♡♡) “where did george go, george is not found”

(♥♥♥) “come over here greg i will save the day” “francis!”

(♡♡♡) “that’s not what you told me last night”

(♥♥♥) “please just swim drive the boat drive the boat”

(♡♡♡) “before i even met you, you had this ginormous impact”

(♥♥♥) “you’re not worthless george we love you”

(♡♡♡) “george is like the biggest idiot”

(♥♥♥) “alright fine i’ll play one more”

(♡♡♡) “you see george everywhere. you see what you wanna see”

(♥♥♥) “guess united kingdom because someone you love lives there”

(♡♡♡) “george don’t leave me”

(♥♥♥) “you say bolivia george?”

(♡♡♡) “why are you so feral?”

(♥♥♥) “you’re an idiot” “you’re the one who’s screaming to do it”

(♡♡♡) “”you’re so oh my god” “you’re so annoying”

(♥♥♥) “i trust you so m-so often”

(♡♡♡) “now i have you right where i want you”

(♥♥♥) “heads” “alright it was heads”

(♡♡♡) “george you’re the hottest piece of ass in dreamhunt”

(♥♥♥) “you said ‘just woke up’ and i said ‘me too, in sync bby’”

(♡♡♡) “dnf arc? yeah maybe”

(♥♥♥) *george shooting dnf into wall on csgo*

(♡♡♡) “george and dream’s brotherly relationship is so iconic”

(♥♥♥) “you can’t 👹LEAVE👹 it’s not allowed”

(♡♡♡) “oh we’re finishing each other’s sentences right now”

(♥♥♥) “you said you were gonna what, kiss me or something like that?”

(♡♡♡) “do you have a song that makes you think of dream?”

(♥♥♥) “here george take this take this george”

(♡♡♡) “hey dream” “hey george”

(♥♥♥) “do you have a crush on dream?” “yes, go on”

(♡♡♡) “i am proud of you” “wow thank you dream”

(♥♥♥) “1 dollar every hour” “for how many hours?”

(♡♡♡) “i clicked skip whoops - wait, where are all my balls?”

(♥♥♥) “get out of here GET OUUUUTTTT”

(♡♡♡) “i’m sleeping for at least 8 hours” “but then we’re gonna be out of sync again”

(♥♥♥) “this is actually disgusting, come to me where are you”

(♡♡♡) “thank you baby... oh no” “WHAT?”

(♥♥♥) “yeah i love dream so much”

(♡♡♡) “yes that is exactly what i was thinking dream”

(♥♥♥) “dream” “hi” “hello i’m streaming” “hi”

(♡♡♡) “mm poor little george”

(♥♥♥) “do you have fifty dollars?”

(♡♡♡) “please please half a heart half a heart!”

(♥♥♥) “that’s okay you wanna be near me, that’s fine”

(♡♡♡) “you would know all about the simp handbook wouldn’t you”

(♥♥♥) “please i need you” “i do need you”

(♡♡♡) “kill him!...or her.. or it..”

(♥♥♥) “cause he’s little gogy”

(♡♡♡) “do your parents know about gream?”

(♥♥♥) just... cuteness

(♡♡♡) “wait george my minecraft’s starting my minecraft’s starting”

(♥♥♥) “te amo sueno”

(♡♡♡) “yeah that was my idea” “yeah just like last night”

(♥♥♥) “you can just say he’s a bottom”

(♡♡♡) this entire video

(♥♥♥) “why are you leaving me?” “alright fine”

(♡♡♡) “george you look good in a suit”

(♥♥♥) “i have a present for george!”

(♡♡♡) “why don’t you want to facetime me?” “i haven’t shaved”

(♥♥♥) “dream’s killing me, why are you killing me?”

(♡♡♡) “george i thought you were going to choose me”

(♥♥♥) “you wanna watch a beautiful sunset? just for you dream”

(♡♡♡) “we don’t text that much” “we text everyday”

(♥♥♥) “georgie poooo come here”

(♡♡♡) “oh beat me dream beat me”

(♥♥♥) “you are so impressive dream”

(♡♡♡) “i just ran for like a million hours”

(♥♥♥) “mydic--kslong has subscribed, thank you..”

(♡♡♡) all of these moments are too funny

(♥♥♥) “dreeaaaam! loooook!” “oh he’s cute”

(♡♡♡) “oh george~” “this is scary”

(♥♥♥) “george do that water drop sound”

(♡♡♡) “why is everyone saying ‘george explain the text?’”

(♥♥♥) “why are you saying it like that?” “that’s how you said it”

(♡♡♡) “i’m going to my secret stash”

(♥♥♥) “it said ‘name a dessert’” “you should’ve put me”

(♡♡♡) “i need to come” “you wanna come?”

(♥♥♥) “i have missed your face!”

(♡♡♡) just.. this entire video

(♥♥♥) more on george sleep talking

(♡♡♡) “that’s the same height difference between me and you george”

(♥♥♥) “you’re doing extremely well george. just calm down.”

(♡♡♡) “george~” “stOP. stop it”

(♥♥♥) “i know dream loves me a lot but unfortunately i don’t love him back”

(♡♡♡) “it’s fun to make him more afraid”

(♥♥♥) “someone said ‘dream do you think george is cute?’”

(♡♡♡) “oh we know george we know how hot you are”

(♥♥♥) “dream has friendship hacks”

(♡♡♡) “let’s watch a movie” feat. sapnap

(♥♥♥) “the only man i’m into is george”

(♡♡♡) “you broke my heart dream by....breaking my heart”

(♥♥♥) “keep lying to him george”

(♡♡♡) dream team not dnf but i love this so watch it plz

(♥♥♥) “you turn your camera off to sneeze? it’s okay we love you”

(♡♡♡) “dance with me dream”

(♥♥♥) “dweaaaam pleaseeee”

(♡♡♡) “it’s fine dream, i’ll stream another day” “waaaaaaah!”

(♥♥♥) “i just wanna talk to you”

(♡♡♡) “you’re just like interesting in general george”

(♥♥♥) “when’s my birthday dream?”

(♡♡♡) “here these are for you 🌹”

(♥♥♥) “i love you george”

(♡♡♡) “i’ll fight you in sumo when you’re in my house”

(♥♥♥) “we’re going together aaaaah”

(♡♡♡) “guess what, i had faith in you”

(♥♥♥) “or OR.. we could... kiss?”

(♡♡♡) “i haven’t had my first kiss” “that's a lie, you kissed me”

(♥♥♥) “hey dream give me an ak.... please”

AND OF COURSE THERE ARE SO MANY MORE BUT... i cannot do this any longer therefore the rest are compilations because i cannot do this any longer

(♥♥♥) every time george has said ‘i love you’ (kind of) to dream

(♡♡♡) dreamnotfound moments

(♥♥♥) gaymest moments

(♡♡♡) rare moments

(♥♥♥) wholesome

(♡♡♡) idiot compilation

(♥♥♥) love languages compilation

BONUS: this soulmate compilation...

SO ORIGINAL POST - links wouldn’t work when reblogged because it went over link limit with everyone tagged, so i will reblog with everyone who’s clips i’ve included!