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#I truly cannot work out what he will do
greyrobins · 1 year
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Phil is gonna have a time coming back to qsmp tomorrow.
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captain-astors · 1 year
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Creature. (The rendered ones are referenced from manga panels)
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i don’t wish i was catholic but i wish i knew more about catholicism/christianity for the sole purpose of being slightly more insane about lapsed-catholic gallaghers
#truly an untapped treasure trove of Thoughts that i unfortunately cannot comprehend as a cultural hindu/theologic atheist#thankfully i have catholic friends whose knowledge i can mine >:)#and friends of other denominations shout out to my methodist buddy i love u my methodist buddy#faery-berry-blast my beloved <3#anyways i think fiona and lip are both atheists#lip is annoying about it though. aka he is the kind of atheist who make fun of theists for their beliefs#fiona does not give a fuck#she just doesn’t believe in a higher power#ian is religious (ik the gay jesus storyline was a manic ep but i do think it stems from genuine belief)#he is specifically catholic#debbie is vaguely christian but not really#as in she doesn’t like how going to church makes her feel but she’s dabbled in a bunch of other religions#and christianity feels right#i can also see her just being generally spiritual w/o a specific religion#carl and liam are both agnostic#they don’t rly know what’s going on up there [gestures vaguely to the sky] but they think there might be a higher power#who knows. to them god is like aliens: probably out there! we just don’t know what they’re like#humanoid or bacteria??? not sure. do they exist? yes#idc about frank all he ever did was look for different ways to be forgiven thru religion i hate him#monica and her fam were probably catholic though#this has gotten out of hand sorry#anyways. religion#i’m a staunch atheist but i love love love thinking about religion#i treat every religious text like a work of literature i’m tasked with writing english essays about and it’s so fun#shameless#shameless meta#gallagher siblings#fiona and her kids#sorry for these fuckass tags
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writhe · 2 years
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#TAGS TLDR YOU CAN NEVER TRULY GO HOME BUT DO YOU WANT TO?#writing a little for d&d and having feelings about this#it was really interesting jasper and i were working on some game mechanics and we kept getting stuck at weird parts and it developed into#this conversation where we realized we experience the world#in such fundamentally different ways. like specifically talking about how paranoia#manifests and stuff but even later in a broader sense like our experiences of time and everything is so different#and they'd be like 'well what if this is something that happened to lock' and id be like 'how could that be something that anyone would#experience' and they were like 'oh because i do'#(example here was my character not realizing he had been magically transported and filling in the blank with vague memories of travel but i#was like. are you not acutely aware of every single moment you are awake and in motion even if it is excruciatingly boring. and jasper#was like. 'oh...no. i could be transported from one place to another and if time passed i wouldnt even think about having traveled or not'#which was WILD to me but then we were like 'okay i guess this cannot be something that happened to lock' because i couldnt even fathom that#but like anyway idk we got weirdly deep dive-y about d&d stuff and personal lives and i had big feelings on it bc genuinely i feel like#there are facets and caverns in myself i have only ever touched in storytelling but particularly in this campaign#and i've joked a lot about Lock and other chars in this game being self inserts#but i mean it in a good way#like the ways we tell stories or experience a world we created together is going to be through an extension of ourselves etc#but it's interesting to me to consider the limitations that brings yknow? we all live by such vastly different sets of rules and#understandings#and im writing out some stuff now and im like. yknow.#lock can never truly go home. i can never truly go home. none of us can ever truly go home#home as shifting impermanence home as transience etc#2017 levi is back apparently but hes always been right
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fembutchboygirl · 7 months
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I just learned something so incredibly fucked up
#i am trembling#i cannot let this enable my issues with paranoia further! haha! oh my fucking god#im not joking btw im literally physically trembling. how did this happen oh god oh GOD nononono dont let it get to you#i just need to know. was someone like. double dealing? was someone telling him about it#i wouldnt give a shit if they were stalking me online occasionally (well id care a little bit but honestly itd just be kinda fucked)#but if someone was telling him about me and my personal stuff?#stop. i dont want to think about it. i dont want to think it happened. i have to get this out of my head#but still. absolutely fucking deranged.#ESPECIALLY bc apparently he's been saying i “made him think he was abusive'' and that doing that was shitty of me bc he actually#just has bpd??????#sol if you're reading this listen closely: one of my best friends has bpd. diagnosed and everything. so shut the fuck up#much like you've been saying i blamed my adhd for being neglectful (read: not meeting your sky-high standards for Truly Loving You 24/7)#you cannot blame your bpd for what a shit person you've been#repeatedly asking you to work on a flaw that's been hurting me is not telling you you're abusive you fucking prick#get a life‚ learn to care about other people away from what they can do for YOU‚#and LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.#p.s. imagine being mad that people who were friends with both you and your partner didnt suddenly cut the other one off after you broke up#like actually angry at these people. what the actual fuck. you're like a divorced parent upset that their child still talks to their ex-wife#my posts
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vaguely-concerned · 2 years
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the way all of anders' battle dialogue in da2 sounds stressed out right to the brink of hysteria is something that can actually be so personal. it's the real healer experience. anders you're herding moths constantly trying to launch themselves at any passing bonfire with your whole chest and your whole heart and you are so valid
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solipseismic · 2 months
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"the dems are pro-genocide" "harris is just as supportive of genocide as biden" and what. do you think. the republicans think. of american imperialism and genocide? please. do let me know.
#the machine is working as intended. i cannot stress to you all enough. this is what america does.#this is what america did in korea. this is what america did in vietnam. this is what america does in the caribbean.#this is really and truly just what american imperialism does. this is not an aha gotcha moment.#this is the core of american politics. this is the intent and purpose of american imperialism. this is not new.#this is not new information. ok? i need everyone to understand this. it is not new information that american politicians#support american imperialism and by extension american-funded and -fueled genocide.#acting as though whoa if we vote harris into office she'll just continue the genocide!!! and what do you think trump will do?#what do we all think trump will do if he is in office? trump? the guy who is notorious for loving brown people?#especially those in other countries? right. right. right. ok. right.#yes absolutely be aware of the pitfalls and issues with american politics/politicians/the democratic party but ohhhh my god#genuinely really and truly sick of people going 'this is who you're voting for!!1!1! she's no better than genocide joe!!1!1!!'#IT'S HARRIS OR TRUMP BABY. AND AMERICAN POLITICIANS HAVE BEEN ENACTING GENOCIDE IN EVERY CORNER OF THE WORLD. FOR DECADES.#quite frankly not only is it fucking tiring for people to be acting as though there's some nuanced unproblematic third option#but it's just as fucking tiring to be acting like this is new. or somehow a revelation. jesus christ.#we still don't know how many korean civilains us soldiers massacred during the korean war. the number is in the tens of thousands.#conservatively. 30-40.000.#but we just don't know. but oh of course! of course this is new information that america commits atrocities in other countries!#of course this is new information that is only relevant now!!!!!#get the fuck out of here.#we just have to pick the better option and hope that we can slowly change one step forward at a time. there is no way to vote that#somehow changes or erases the fact that this is what american imperialism does.#fucking tiring that some ppl have the privilege of pretending otherwise.#jesus christ. how naive. how hopeless. how cruel. the families of nogun-ri are still lobbying for reparation.#and americans will act as though it's new information that american imperialism is a machine that chews countries up and spits them out#for the imf and foreign (american) corps to profit from.#god.#2024#croidhe#the death loop
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skhardwarevers1 · 3 months
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lowkey. Not over my ex at all
#It’s been months man#And yet I still feel the ever lasting effects#Am k cruel? Manipulative? I don’t think I am but he said I was and I so badly want to believe it#Cuz maybe I’ll actually fix what’s wrong with me and people will actually love me#also s very love sick in the sense that I need someone to be in love with me#But going t4t hasn’t worked out that well for me (cough cough my ex..)#N I don’t wanna fuck up coming out to any cis guys#Which idek if I truly like them or if I’m just so desperate I’ll fall in love with anyone as long as they treat me right#I think one of th things keeping me from getting over him is the fact that he was so affectionate??? And I had gotten so used to that#Constant feeling cuz I never really had it before and now that I don’t have it anymore I don’t know what to do with myself#Not to mention I’m too scared to do all that again because he always wanted more despite my protests#I fucking hate this. How can I be touch starved and repulsed at the same time#I can’t do this shit anymore man. Fuck.#Vent#There r certain people o wish could see this but none of them use tumblr fuck fuck fuck#Me when one had mild crushes on cis guys )okay maybe just one that I don’t even think saw me as a real friend in the one semester k had wit#Him…) but we’re so different and I think he hates me and he’s friends with my friends and ijhhhhwj#I hate hate hate love#Hate being in love. Hate that I can’t be in love. Hate that nobody loves me#I actually cannot take this shit anymore it’s one of the only things that truly ever gets to me anymore
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binders-and-beanies · 4 months
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#sry I need to vent more abt my tattoo pain bc I physically cannot do anything productive rn im completely and totally incapacitated#can’t read anything beyond short posts or texts. can’t eat or move at all#tried to sleep through it so it would at least Be Tomorrow so I can get medical help. but the jolts of pain make me like Jump#hence me being sent home from work early today like it’s not even that I was complaining I was just flinching involuntarily so much#and was unable to work or function at all. thank god I don’t work retail rn I remember the pain of tattoo infections in that context#it’s so Abrupt it feels like I’m being stabbed or repeatedly bitten#literally trying not to scream bc I have a roommate. but he almost certainly hears me crying and saying ouch#which sucks bc I barely know the guy lol he has no context. At least on my drive home I could scream as much as I needed#literally would go to the ER if I could afford it and that sounds so dramatic bc it is#it doesn’t feel like it can wait. genuinely don’t know how I’m gonna get through the night#I haven’t slept in like 60 hours and I doubt I will tonight. but it hurts too much to even tell if I’m tired#and I don’t have time for this!! I have so much I need to be doing. I hate that the only way I can have Time is to be Extra Disabled#in a way that leaves me completely unable to do the things I normally can fight through despite burnout#and I was just at health services yesterday asking them to do insurance paperwork that they couldn’t do#it’s embarrassing having to be like hey I was just there but can I come back#I have Another tattoo infection but I pinky promise I take such good care of them#and my artist is like the best of the best too. it’s like it doesn’t matter what either of us does to keep me safe#and I know if anyone responds to this it will be to tell me to stop getting tattoos#but that’s literally like telling me not to get top surgery if I’m immunocompromised n might have recovery complications#both are equally important gender affirming medical procedures to me I’m not joking#and I hate always having to justify this whilst in agonizing pain. I hate answering the same things every time bc still no one believes me#I say this as someone who lives every moment in baseline pain that would have your average person writhing on the floor and I ignore it#this is truly unbearable if I hadn’t been through it a million times I would think it was life threatening#just needed to get it out ig. bc it’s all I can physically do. until health services opens in 12 hours#PLEASE let them have availability tomorrow bc i have literally no option on weekends#this is just. so upsetting and embarrassing. I don’t have time or emotional capacity for this#personal#mine#vent post
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acaciapines · 4 months
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i need to talk about the dess raises kris au. or im gonna explode.
#chatter#GOOD TIMING TO THINK ABOUT AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT STORY: EDITING UR TOH DAEMON AU LOL#like i can separate it out enough when im working lol but afterwards. oh its all deltarune babey!!!#been thinking a lot about dess and how i wanna write her#(aka im gonna canonize some mental stuff i've always kinda had in the back of my mind for her)#and GOD. dess. i forgive her for all her flaws <3#but no shes sooooo fascinating to me in this au its just. she was Eighteen. right in the middle of a pretty bad psychotic break.#the only person ever in her corner (asriel) Did Not Believe her and has always been real shitty about her undiagnosed mental illnesses#(dw we will come back to this i have a LOT of ideas for azzy lol he is. uh. not the best at the start!)#and so like. of course when it comes to kris her best was never going to be enough.#but GOD im soooo fascinated by like. she does genuinely really truly care for kris.#yes its messy and caught up in a bunch of other things but she LOVES THEM#even if she cannot ever love them in the way they want her to (ie as a parent loves a child)#and is it fair for kris? no! course it isnt!!!#but theres no changing the past and so. this is kris's life now#and its dess's life now. and they just have to live with what happened#thinking about the like. 6 months to a year where it was just dess and kris (before chara) and. god.#GOD. YOU GUYS.#sorry this au is. um. i think it is my everything. like.#if you know you know (hi stars lol <3) but. man.........man.#i have a lot of thoughts about. prophecy. and when translating that out beyond just story and into like. the real world#cause lets be real prophecy doesnt exist but things w this power of 'you are supposed to be x and cannot be anything but x' DO and#god. the dess raises kris au is So Much.#also yeah another acacia tags essay they simply hit differently <3#also enough to go into the main tag so#drkau#anyways lemme go back to editing lol
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farahblack · 2 years
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i do not want a stranger things x dghda crossover bc ive seen some of the shit the st fandom puts out and its frankly garbage (sorry), but i WOULD like to see dirk and murray try to attack each other. gay on gay violence. mlm hostility. two karate amateurs trying to kick each other while joyce and todd simultaneously try to stop them and exchange tired looks over their heads
#what i am picturing is dirk and murray in a cartoony cloud of fists and limbs on the floor while joyce and todd are standing over them#halfheartedly going guys no. stop. stop it dirk. murray you are an adult man please. guys this is embarrassing. come on we have to go#better yet hopper and farah are also present. theyre not doing anything theyre just standing to the side ignoring the fight and most of all#each other. i have a vision ok#would a dg/st crossover ever work conceivably? no and i dont want it to let me make that extremely clear. dghda and st should NOT be#combined. at any costs. they are separate they cannot be mixed. okay? okay#i have seen some truly mmm interesting takes on a potential crossover and let me tell u they were Not it#im aware i have very specific tastes regarding the content i consume so u could take what im saying with a grain of salt but trust me bro#trust me! it wasnt good! it didnt work! i bitched with my friend about it! anywayz moving on#while dg and st should NOT be mixed. i WOULD like to see the token gay detectives/'detectives' of the show duking it out. i think it would#be funny. they would hate each other with such a rabid passion on sight. theyre like the antithesis of each other. on completely opposite#ends of the gay weirdo detective scale#it feels weird to call murray a detective even though TECHNICALLY by canon he IS a p.i. or at least had a stint as a p.i. in accordance to#the canon timeline#but im lumping in to the gay detective pile. hes a gay weirdo detective by vibe if not by occupation#ANYWAY apologies for the incoherent ramble in the tags on this fine evening. except im not sorry this is my blog and i get to go crazy <3#DO U GET ME. DO U GET THIS SPECIFIC THING IM ENVISIONING. DIRK AND MURRAY FISTICUFFS VISION TY AND GOODNIGHT#misc
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pepprs · 2 years
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god. ok. i think i need to see another counselor. i feel so fucking bad but this is not feeling good or right to me and i can’t make it until july not having the support i need. lol
#purrs#he just lost a very close family member in the middle of the semester and it’s fucked up all his classes and he’s behind on everything so#it’s rly hard for him to be present for me and i don’t want to hold that against him at all. but ive so rarely felt like he is seeing me and#truly responding thoughtfully and carefully to what i have to say. before and after this he spends like half the session very visibly doing#other stuff and it makes it so hard for me to feel safe and connected and he also just like is so stiff and regimented which could be good a#and fine if i felt like he cared abt what i have to say and wants me to have some say over what we talk about too. but i just got out of a#session w him and i literally feel worse bc he was asking questions that i could SEE he was bullshitting and it’s like. i know and i don’t w#want to hold it against you but also this fucking sucks and i need help and im here for you to help me and you can’t. lol#i feel so bad especially bc he’s supporting me as part of a class and he’s getting credit and training and this is so much abt him gaining t#the skills he needs to get his degree and go out in the world and be a good counselor. but i shouldn’t have to stick with a subpar#experience just so he can do well in his class. ive never had this kind of disconnect w any of the other intern counselors i worked with and#i feel so fucking horrible bc he’s clearly in a bad place and it’s impacting him and maybe working w me is helpful for him but like. i need#something better than this and i cannot make it until july without it. but i feel so so so bad
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trophygony · 2 years
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equivalent of biting your fist to restrain yourself from talking about Newest Blorbo
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29121996 · 8 months
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#it is . Only Thursday n to recap the last 48hrs Alone;#i got fired . had a job interview . hung out w AFew People n did so mucb socialising .#had a Breakdown and a BreakThrough . and saw [redacted] uptown .#that alone is smty i amnprocessing bc what the fuck was tonighy . genuinely what the fuck am i doing and wit essing rn.#AHHHH nope. i cannot rmb this tmr i will habe to kms#oh my god . no.#fuck that mf for always makinf me feel that Thing bc damn if he doesnt . look good n set of a set of alarms i mn me#dawg . i am forev mer fuckrd as long as i live here fr . some9nes gotta move ! bc i cannot . move on romanrically if he is just .#iut here existinf and showing up to places im at . n sendijg me odd mssgd at fuck ass hours of the night like .#everything abt this n him isnso Intrigueing to ne n its addictive .#yea im fucked. truly fucked#i know i could like . Potentuslly Move On eventually and i Will .#but i know how icwork . n i do hate what that mwans tocme. awful. fucking awful.#why a MAN . whyd i have to add anothrr man to that room !!!!!!! dawg !!!!!!#rmb joking abt how if it didnt work out w him id have ti date women#n i fear i may have been right tbh. like no man is Cutting It Close. nocone does it for me like him :/#i checked mt tumblr following today . theres abt 13#1.3k of u fuckers#logically mosy od them are dead or bots#but still . thats an insane amt#anyway . my insane obsessuon w . how hr works . dawg.#sometimes i will see him or come across a photo of him n i will rmv why i do love him .#n its so fucking awful bc i am just . Fucked. im so fucked. n all of this Sucks Ass.#n idk what tocdo abt it. eho the fuck am i supposed toctslk to abt it.#logivslly him but i cant do that . even tho him brekaing nc tecgnicslly means freegame vc Dawg what thebfucj#but . i genuinsly do Not know what to fucking say. n that Sucks lol.#like.
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peppermoss · 8 months
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suguae · 7 months
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Haunted
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Toji cannot move on, until he realized too late.
Warnings: Angst, slightest fluff (reader and baby 'gumi moment)
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You were just a girl, standing in front of a man, asking him to love you.
How hard was that for him? Yes, he wasn’t good with his words but he wasn’t good at anything else either. He was just there.
Maybe because the woman he truly loved—he was still mourning over her. His sad eyes every time he watched an old couple dance together, wishing he had been doing that but with her. The cute babies babble with their mothers as Megumi babbles with his father, how he wished his wife was still here instead of you. He never said it, but that’s what it felt like. 
And perhaps that's what it was. 
Sometimes he curses himself out when he accidentally calls you his wife's name. During intimate times only. You tried—trying to keep the emotions in as if it wasn’t breaking every part of you, was the hardest part. “Look he’s walking...” You smiled at the dark haired baby who was walking towards you. Toji smiled, making sure he’d record every second of it; deep down he wished his wife was the one the baby was walking towards instead of you.
And it was wrong—so wrong. 
“This relationship, I’m with you but Toji—Toji this is the loneliest I’ve ever felt.” You whispered while he ate his leftovers, his brows still furrowed from the argument occurring earlier. Having Toji work from 9–5 wasn’t the best but good thing he had you, helping him out with so much. Picking up groceries, picking up his lovely son—until you mentioned that one of his teachers mistaken you as his biological mother. That right there was enough to make Toji angry for weeks at least.
But not this time.
He stopped chewing on his food after you spoke, waiting for more of an explanation. Which you figured he needed, “I don’t think you’re in love with me–” 
“I like you [name], a lot.” He cleared his throat. He leaned back on his chair as his arms crossed waiting for you to continue the sentence he interrupted. 
Right, he liked you a lot. These three rough years you’ve been dating Toji—that particular l word was never uttered once, not even if he was drunk, or having a special moment with you. You huffed trying to find the right words for Toji to understand. That was until little Megumi started crying from his room. “I’ll try to put him back to sleep, finish eating.” He watched as your fragile little body sulked its way to Megumi’s room.
He knew this was gonna happen, he knew you were bound to leave him sooner or later. 
You smiled as you opened the door to see the little Megumi standing on top of his little bed. His hands wiping his tears as he ran towards you, his arms now wrapping around your legs. “Sleep with mama and papa.” He cried out as you leaned down to pick up the little boy. “[name] and papa, not mama okay?” You corrected him, if Toji were to find out that he had been calling you that, then that argument would’ve climaxed.
The little boy nodded, his tears now gone as you swayed him around. “Sleep with you.” He mumbled, leaning his head on your shoulder as he played with a strand of your hair. “Just for tonight.” You whispered, watching Megumi pick up his head and smile. Content with your answer. 
Toji’s heart could just swell at the sight. You treated his son as if he was your own and nothing looked so much better right now, except for the fact that he wished it was his wife.
Megumi was now soundly sleeping between you and Toji, “I don’t think I can do this anymore.” His eyes shut tightly hearing those piercing words leave your mouth. It hurt when his wife left him, but this hurt was different—different because he knew it was coming yet he didn’t want to do anything about it. 
“I’m sorry—”
“You don’t need to be the one apologizing.” He watched your soft gaze stare at completely nothing. He was confused, this was his fault. He never treated you how you needed deserved to be treated. “It was my fault for throwing myself at a man who simply was not ready.”
The next morning was silent—baby ‘gumi was confused at the saddened look on your face. Constantly walking up to you asking if you were okay. He was still just a baby, yet he read the room so well. “I’m sure we can work this out—” Toji now sitting next to you on the couch, some cartoon playing in the back as Megumi’s little head sat on your lap. “You’re not ready, Toji.” You nodded, eyes still glued on the tv as if it was meant for you and not the little Megumi. 
“And how are you so sure—”
“Tell me you love me then.” Your eyes are now fixed on Toji’s. It was hard, he felt as if his mouth had been glued shut. You sigh, bringing your gaze back to the tv, “I love you—but it’s hard when it’s one sided Toji.” 
It hurt much more, seeing you drive away as the clueless Megumi waved you out. Poor thing thinks you’re simply going to the store. The house that once felt like home was so dull now. Toji sat little ‘gumi down on the couch. 
His constant, “mama?” or “[name]?” while he kept his gaze on the door every so often. Nothing prepared Toji for this. Megumi cried that he wanted to sleep with his mama and papa, his heart swelled knowing that he had been talking about you.
You were gone, just like his wife. But it hurt—it hurt so much more knowing that you’re alive trying your best to…move on. He stayed up late that same night, stumbling upon a video from two years ago. When Megumi first learned how to walk. You and Toji had just started dating but the look of happiness plastered your face as you watched the little baby walking. 
That was one thing Toji never forgot about, how much you loved kids. Telling him how once you had kids of your own you would finally be able to live in peace. How he heard of it less and less as the years went on, he wonders if you still think that.
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