#I use it to stay in touch with…well
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For fucking YEARS at this point, this moth has shown up as the very first profile in my “People You May Know” list on Facebook
We have no mutual friends. This is the only picture on their profile. What the FUCK Facebook
#cw moths#rissy rambles#Facebook really wants me to be friends with this moth#I’ve just gotten used to seeing it when I’m on the app#like ‘oh cool David’s still kicking’#and yes I still have a Facebook#I use it to stay in touch with…well#mostly my parents’ friends#who are like aunties and uncles to me#lol
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ever since i was a small child the adults around me have treated any boundaries i set as me being a selfish bitch and i think that definitely did something to me
#vent#like when i first developed my lovely ocd (i was 11ish) everyone was very pissed at me because since i needed things in life#to be a specific way and i had no choice but to live with people and when they did things that directly interfered with how i needed#things to be i'd get upset and every once in a while ppl will keep complaining like oh we have to do everything you want you're so#selfish and rude and we're just expected to do what you want and why should we well fuck y'all if you want to stop working with me#on this then i'm literally going to make your life hell because i expect the BARE MINIMUM respect to not directly mess with my boundaries#which have lessened over time like literally i've been getting better i know it's been a long time coming but i am not nearly as distressed#by some things anymore but to these fuckers they just thing i'm being controlling and rude and i make their lives miserable because i#need them to not touch my stuff and i need to be driven places and i can only eat certain foods that i make myself and i cannot#help with some chores without freaking out and to them that just means that i'm a parasite that is being controlling and bitchy when they#decide that actually they shouldn't help me when i can't do something or that no they shouldn't respect my boundaries or whatever#like idk i know i'm not a super nice person but i'm not trying to ruin everyone's life just to stay sane and like. i didn't ask to be born#i didn't ask to be born into this family i didn't ask to be fucked in the head i didn't ask for any of this but my mother? she decided to#have kids and it's not my fault she wasn't prepared for them all to be fucked up and it's not my fault that she doesn't believe in mental#illnesses and she just thinks that being depressed or having adhd means you're just lazy or having ocd means you're just being controlling#and that you can stop anytime or that having autism (which there is a chance that a couple of us do) means that you're just acting#out for no reason and don't want to behave like i know she thinks i'm a selfish bitch (she was very vocal abt that today) but i think it's#also pretty selfish to help fuck up your own kids and expect them to turn out all right and when they don't you just get mad at them for no#being perfect. like she just wants us to be normal i know she does that's why she doesn't like mental illnesses/disorders and shit that's#why she's transphobic i get it she wants us to be normal but guess fucking what we aren't and her attitude doesn't help like i know she has#done a lot for me but even when she's helping she likes to threaten to take it all away she used to threatened to stop driving me to#school when i just got in college at 15 or so and threatened to send me away bc she thought i was faking my ocd and it fucked me up y'know?#like i don't like that her helping me is conditional on whether she likes me at the moment because a lot of the times she doesn't like me i#when i was very mentally ill or depressed/suicidal/dying from a fucking eating disorder like i know she's helped me i know she's done a#lot for me that she says she went farther out of her way for than she should've and i know i'm fucking difficult but still i don't like#being called a fucking selfish bitch for asking for the people i can't fucking get away from to respect what i need so i don't break down#like sorry if that's too much for you but i;m also not a fucking pushover and have never been and i know that pisses her off but whatever#and like i know i'm not totally in the right i know i'm not nice and i can be a bitch and i'm unhelpful and nasty sometimes but i'd rather#be blamed for being unpleasant than only caring about myself because i want to feel safe and yeah i can admit that often i do only#care about myself but that's because i genuinely hate some of these ppl sometimes and why should i care? they suck idk vent over
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"He was sunshine, I was midnight rain..."
No.6 Week [Day 1]
Rain | The Sun & the Moon | Fantasy AU
Guess who decided to join @restructuralcommittee 's No.6 week making some doodles! (I wish I could make full colored pieces but I found out about this literally yesterday lol)
This anime/manga means a lot to me and I'm happy to share my love for it with other people 💖
#no.6week2023#no. 6#nezushi#shion no.6#nezumi no.6#my art#fanart#kallmefren#i wanted to add some color touches using crayons and i think it looks nice#i love them so much#they're my everything#i stay awake at night thinking about how midnight rain by taylor swift fits them so well#nezumi please come back shion is waiting for you and he loves you#*cries in spanish*#tumblr always makes the quality drop so click on the image if you want to see if better#no.6
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i'm gonna put my expectations low for whatever it is they're gonna announce for the pokemon presents, but if BW get some kinda announcement, I'm so eager to know if it's a remake or a sequal. I can only see a continuation of Ingo's situation being brought to a sequal/soft reboot rather than a remaster. Closure bruh, it's all i need 😭Like i gotta know that they didn't just throw his story off and they pick it up somehow, how's emmet doing, is the battle subway still the same, etc. crying my eyes out
#galaxy.txt#submas#i REALLY wanna know if there is a sequal that if they even touch on the story as well#cause like.. there could just be one and then everything just stays as it once was#like nah man you gave us content to play with give us a canon reunion or something pLS
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I don’t think I’ll be on this platform anymore, at least for now, due to everything that’s happening. I’d just like to keep away from it and supporting it at all. See you later, maybe.
-heartbeat anon
i understand heartbeat!! safe travels wherever you find yourself!! thank you for sticking around <3333
#putting this in the tags so it doesnt feel like im trying 2 change your mind!#i am definitely not! but what people hafta realize is that every single internet platform is either in support of or silent on israel#on every platform posts are being suppressed. its not just here i assure you#the only way ta....not support ANY large internet platform is just ta not use the internet at all unfortunately#im surprised that so many people were surprised at the news of tumblr's ceo? all ceos suck DICK#people are treating tumblr as if its a unique case and it is definitely NOT LMAO#im happy people feel so passionate about this!! but also ppl are jumping ship 2 twitter and twitters ceo is....from what im hearing#also terrible in this situation??#im afraid almost everywhere on the internet is a similar story.#also....the only way you're really supporting tumblr is if you buy stuff from them#my blog doesnt generate them any profit im not sure where people are hearing this from-#but again. even if it did its the same situation other major platforms are in#that doesnt mean you shouldnt be upset though! continue ta put your best efforts where you can!!#spacie splains#anybeans#heartbeat anon we may never see each other again but i want u ta know that your writing has touched me as well as a lot of people <333#ill always treasure what you gifted me!!#never gonna forget you fr fr#stay safe!! have a good one :>
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i LOVE SEEING OTHER PPL'S CATS!!!!!!!!!!!! i love these children. it is always a gift to see ppl i follow's cats. i love seeing them often enough to be able to pick them out of a crowd. i love learning their personalities.
i just really love cats guys
#when i worked at the vet it was well-known amongst my coworkers that i was solely a cat person#& i think the ratio of dog vs cat appointments was always like. 90% dog (not an exaggeration)#so when we would get cats in it was always THE BEST#esp when the cats were drop-offs & would stay with us for a few hours#catch me just hanging out with the cats during every bit of down time#it was incredibly difficult living in england bc i saw almost no cats#i dont think i got to touch any at all#i was Deprived#(& it was definitely affecting my well-being)
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i remember being brought up christian like, almost concerned that i never felt a connection to any of the shit they were talkin about,
and when i was younger i was like "oh no! am i bad for not feeling connected to god?? is it bad i feel like my dead mom doesnt talk to me or watch over me?? am i horrible for pretending?????"
but turns out i just had Autism Powers that made me immune to it and i was able to completely sever myself from the idea of being Christian at the ripe old age of like 13. and it was such a HUGE comfort to see that there were all these other beliefs and spiritual sort of things that other people chose to believe in and didnt necessarily treat their beliefs as COLD HARD UNDENIABLE FACT the way christians treat the existence of god & heaven & hell
like now that i am older i know i was in fact traumatized by the culturally catholic beliefs my family held & forced on us all, but i am really immensely grateful that my child self looked at all the other aspects of christianity that would horrify most other children into behaving/conforming, and basically just went, "okay, source?"
and that was the end of that
#BLOGGING LOUDLY#okay source sounds so cringe ik but like#i really couldnt buy into any of it after a certain point#even though i almost found comfort in it! the idea of prayer was very much that for me the way it is for many ppl#i just literally could not believe something that didnt have proof i could see or touch#and when i was a bit older i did get hit with the 'well you cant SEE gravity but you believe in that'#but again immediately i was like... you can still prove gravity though. i learned it in seventh grade. LMAO#i dont know part of me is relieved i didnt feel the painful separation or conflict that so many others feel#but i am still kind of sad i couldnt just. be that way. and find a home somewhere#and that nothing else has really stood out to me except like non theistic satanism which also sounds. edgy teen boy#like it is a legitimate belief system and i feel closely aligned to it! but im still just kinda meh about using the label ... hrmm#perhaps need to look into the various kinds of satanism again#i tend to stay away from pagan stuff but its also something i found interesting#my partner seems very interested in becoming a jew despite not really... ever having been exposed to judaism or jewish cultures#but id like to learn more about it too i have many resources just kinda sitting....#idk i guess i started thinking about this bc actually studying other religions etc could be very fulfilling but i just....eh....
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*waving awkwardly at whoever happens to be walking by* Just a little heads up (since I guess I feel weird not giving any sort of notice?) that I’ll be making a point to be on here much less going forward (not disappearing, I’ll still be around, but probably only popping in now and again)… At least for now! Summer is always a difficult time of year for me, to be honest with you, and being chronically online definitely won’t help with that. So… Yeah! As per usual feel free to @ me to make sure I see something (y’all can also dm me lol no need to be shy). 💜
That’s it! Again just felt like leaving a little notice aha… Anyhoo, y’all take care and be safe :] ✌️
#BUT for the little handful of people I chat with on Discord-#I very much do want us to stay in touch and encourage you to message me liberally about literally whatever#Rat… Countless… Fey… I mean you know who you are I think#Cal you’re included in that implicitly too haha ik we don’t talk directly all that much but we’re friends and we really oughta keep intouch#Anyhoo that’s it yeah!#Like I said#summer can be pretty rough for me#On the one hand I have a very romantic view of summer#On the other- it tends to be when I’m most prone to falling into depressive episodes#Alsoooooo- I have to admit that while I’m very grateful for this fandom and all the cool people in it that I’ve met#I often kinda miss when listening to it was more of a thing I did with myself if that makes sense??#Well now I have a few closer friends that I absolutely still want to talk about the show with-#But overall yeah I think at least for the next bit I want to go back to enjoying the show without all the fandom stuff attached#Well. AHA I’ll still be around like I said just- okay this is such a long ramble for nothing LOL typical Baba…#:3 Listen take care and don’t be shy if ya genuinely wanna keep in touch is all#💜
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everyone say thank u to my roommate for going to visit her parents this weekend so I can jack it loud and nasty 🙏
#i love her but there are some benefits to having the flat to myself.... love getting to wander around in just my boxers + a tshirt too#things i could do while she was still here if i wasnt a pussy 🙄#jk itd just make her uncomfortable and im too respectful for that#having a lowkey crush on her is an endless comedy to me bc we would be so woefully incompatible romantically#and also sexually.. historically ive only ever stone topped bc ive never been comfortable enough w anyone to let them fuck me#despite very much Not being stone or exclusively a top. and i think shes some form of sex repulsed anyway so like. sits there dead silence#and also shes so in love with her other friends and i showed up late to that party.... ive been feeling kinda guilty lately bc ik-#she misses them a lot and wishes we'd be able to stay roommates w them too. and im a pretty poor replacement for them tbh#and i love spending time with her but whenever i do i feel kinda painfully aware im not them like i could never fill that space#and asking to hang out more with her always feels like im taking away from time she could be talking to them. or even being alone ik she-#likes her own company and i get that a lot too so its chill but ahh.. man#i dont mean this in a bitter or jealous way at all like theyre all such sweet ppl i couldnt ever hold it against them#theyre kind of a 3 headed cerberus type situation and im like. the stray puppy they found on the side of the road#theres nothing they can do differently i was just born to be alienated from other ppl forever until i die. and someday i hope ill-#finally get used to it and accept i wont ever feel like im enough for anyone else or feel like anything else is enough for me#old wounds healed over 5082 times that still hurt to touch but i cant help pressing my fingers into them anyway bc its a familiar pain etc#anyway lost where i was going with this its just been on my mind again recently. i hate to be pitied i hate to feel like im only included-#bc they didnt want me to feel left out i hate feeling like a shoddy secondhand stand-in and its been a lot of that lately#also been a little annoyed bc sometimes it feels like shes trying to micromanage my social life and girl. we're not close enough for that#im sure its well intentioned but im not part of what they have going on i cant compete in that ring so dont try to push me into it..#ahhh. its all ok tho one of the guys is coming to visit next month which will be rly fun but ill try to give them some space too#its good at least im doing this processing now bc group situations can be spike traps of triggers for me sometimes#regardless of how good friends i am w ppl and ive already had a wobble a few weeks ago w how i cope and i dont want it to become a#fully fledged regular issue again bc its so hard to crawl back out of that pit. anyway losing coherence here im gonna stop rambling#and go make myself an early dinner and then back to drawing........#sorry for long tags if ur reading this blows u a kiss but go find a better use of ur time girl!!#.diaries
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youtube
#diana's music diary#🌨️#okay I actually do feel better now#good morning :3#sleep is the cure to all#yesterday I spent the day helping my partner set up her DAW so she could stream with it#and then also set up a cobblemon mod pack for us 😊#it's not actually done yet but it's pretty much there#just needs some finishing touches#will maybe skim it a little today too idk#there are probably some unnecessary parts I added yesterday in my hyperfocus so idk#it went surprisingly well and smooth though#feel like I got some things done yesterday which is always nice#sleeping at a reasonable time works? what?#who would have thought......#I'm still having a lot of trouble actually staying asleep actually but it's working either way somehow.. I'm used to being tired so it's ok#thinking about it the only bad part of yesterday was a panic attack near the end and being in pain...#that doesn't sound like a good thing but for me lately especially that's actually good.#let's try to make today fun and cozy and painless...#will make sure to take my pain medicine#if you are reading this I hope your day is good especially too n_n#also on the music... I think I'm on my touhou music shit again... been listening to Koishi music a lot and this one Alice album...
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i'm starting to think living with 5 other people may simply be a problem
#vent post#negative#i've come to the conclusion i'm not getting enough sugar in my daily meals#(which is. ironic in a lot of ways. but i don't know what else the problem would be)#and that's great that's cool that i've come to this conclusion. i don't think i can solve this one#we don't buy that much sugary or junk food stuff anymore#my dad's got diabetes that makes sense that's understandable#so a lot of our family meals are like rice and meat and a salad#but yknow i'm not really gonna ask my parents to change that! it's been like that for a long time now it's fine it's alright#but i don't think i can actually solve the problem#i. already have a lot of foods that the rest of my family isn't allowed to touch. because i am So Picky#and when they were eating my foods more often i was Starving#i don't. think. i can ask for more. and you know what that's fine! that's fine that's ok i like my meals they're tasty as hell#what about snacks then? can we get snacks for the whole family? well no#we stopped buying more junk foodish snacks because it was All my siblings were eating#and it was bad! it was bad they shouldn't have been doing that. but now i don't think my parents trust us to be responsible with snack food#so our snack foods are. protein bar. fruit snacks (i had to request these specifically). popcorn#that's. that's fine. that's fine maybe i should be focused on fruit instead! fruit is good sugar!#well we don't store fruit i like the way i like it (don't put it in the fridge) so i never eat any of it anymore#but everybody else seems fine with it so really i'm not going to win this argument cause everybody else actually eats it more when it's out#(i don't think this is true. but i think it's true for My Dad and My Mom specifically.)#and i just. it really got me thinking about how much i don't have foods that i like in the house or meals that i love because Somebody Else#likes it done differently and not the way i like it#and that takes priority#to the point where i don't know what the fuck kind of foods i like because we just don't. have. any#i prefer white rice. mom prefers brown so we get brown. i prefer crunchier potatoes. mom prefers them soft so we make them soft#i like my fruits cold. my parents prefer to be able to See the fruits so they stay on the counter. i only eat chicken breast not any other#part of the chicken. my parents prefer thigh meat so we get thigh meat (which i don't eat)#oh huh. this post was a lot longer but tumblr deleted half the tags. yeah that's fair
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Okay ultimate opinion on Cowboys & Aliens - better than i remember it being Favreau gave us a great time with a fun ensemble Daniel plays a great queer gunslingers feral little meow meow haunted by his past, there is a lot of potential SO MUCH POTENTIAL but like so many films in 2011 it's absolutely not smart enough to say what it wants to so I'm gonna sit here with my secret better version that isn't just Daniel Craig being incredibly attractive and exasperated for 2 hours in leather while putting up with Harrison Ford.
#it had so many great potential commentary moments on what happens when the colonizers get colonized but obvs#its a cheesy sci-fi film so#but!! the use of practical and digitial effects was great the uncanny valley aspects were chefs kiss the touch of horror elements#and the hauntology of it that being a western naturally adds was fantastic the ideas of aliens giving rise to a whole mythos#and the whole archetype of the gunslinger/cowboy was honored very well by Daniel's character and most of them tbh#but Daniel's especially he was the perfect balance of tough masculine we exterior but compassionate and trusted by the weak#also very queer textual which i loved#and it didn't become a steampunk movie either it stayed very truly a western with aliens which i loved#and when favreau promises aliens he means ALIENS thrown at you like a pie to the face its so much fun
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I was like “I’m so excited to move somewhere new and do a lot of exploring and traveling!” only to discover that actually I find exploring to be really boring when I’m alone
Like yeah sure I can go on a road trip and see some cool views and interesting places. But if I’m not sharing those memories with someone, then all my memories might as well just be dreams. I want somebody pointing things out to me and saying something funny about it. I wanna point things out to them. Quietly gazing at the ocean is boring alone, but a wholesome relaxing moment if I’m with someone. When something weird happens I want someone to laugh with me. When I’m alone I just go “huh okay” and move on.
At first I thought “maybe I can get a remote job and then pop around living in temporary housing for a few months at a time and explore everywhere!!” but the more I learn about myself, the more I realize I would be soooo bored. Unless I had a partner who also had a remote job and was willing to lead a lifestyle like that.
#sometimes I forget I lived in Pennsylvania for a year literally because I just don't share that memory with anyone#I haven't kept in touch with anyone I met there either#a whole (small) chapter of my life that feels like it had no impact#other than teaching me that east cost humidity suuucks#like.... yeah okay so I had severe depression for half of it and I learned how to get over it#so okay that's at least some personal growth I got from the chapter#actually you know what yeah sometimes even the *bad* or *short term* chapters of your life are actually really good for you#because even then you are learning a lot about who you are#I may be mega lonely right now. but what I'm learning about myself is that I value my friends above all else#and that I can make due living pretty much anywhere and doing anything. it's clearly not as important to me as the people I'm with#and that will indeed influence the next steps in my life and make my next chapters happier since I know what I do and do not like#Idk yet how long I'll stay here in Oregon. When I moved here I was prepared to spend 5+ years of my life in Portland#now I'm like. eh. pretty locations are fun vacation destinations but everything becomes boring when you live there and get used to it#so might as well pick the location with the people you love the most#or maybe everything just seems boring to me right now because I'm depressed again. whatever#i'll finish school and get a job and figure out my next life steps after that
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#narcissistic personality disorder#NPD#narcissistic abuse#PSA#stay safe out here and do NOT allow others to dictate how you feel or bulldoze over your desires#YOU are a person#emotionally immature parents#you deserve a life of comfort & radical acceptance#do not harbor guilt for ways they have made you act out#the best thing to do is accept that you were preserving yourself the only way you knew how#and you are older now#reparent your inner child and heal#you may have done some things you’re not proud of but it could very well be bc you were pushed there and didn’t know how to cope properly#it’s okay. forgive yourself. forgive yourself for how you’ve allowed yourself to be treated too.#recognize your worth#get in touch with your higher self and all your true desires will rise to the surface. you will remember your TRUE identity.#the identity you’ve formed could just be a shell of protection that used to serve you but it no longer does#we can all feel it through the Source#let go & heal#i love you#mine#much of this also applies for those w/ narcissistic traits not just actual NPD fyi#felt this was relevant being in the midst of holidays#family can be draining#remember YOU DONT OWE THEM ANYTHING!!#not a THING. not time energy love anything
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you know the best feeling is when you infiltrate your boyfriend's friend group and become a part of it
#ramyeon with spam !#well . talking ab my ex here. his friends are sooo cool we're still in touch . well if being insta moots and viewing stories counts as one#i remember when i met them and they were so welcoming and always down to help me. or just anyone in their group#like i love watching friendships like that#me and my friend used to hang out with them all the time like. all the time#this is so random but i came across our pics together while strolling thru my gallery and i miss them all so much#and everything js made me realise how good things were two yrs ago and how everyone of us wanted to stay together for a long time#but now all of us have moved on and moved to different places have different lives and imp things to cater to to even think ab the past#and it makes me so emotional bc they were like. one of my best days in highschool#we were just a bunch of silly goofy friends but we cried together and laughed together and we also talked shit ab ppl together#we had a tradition of burning answer sheets once they were given back to us . if u get a bad score that is#bye this is so random lmfao
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nb-diluc → e6danheng
#i will start using this blog again but it will be focused on hsr instead of genshin bc thats what i feel like brainrotting over nowadays#im not gonna delete any of the stuff ive posted before for the sake of archiving but there will be no more genshin stuff posted here#this is my main so i couldnt just make a new one to replace it unfortunately fsdhjfsdh so this is what its gonna be#i'll make a pinned post later probably#non-hsr enjoyers this is your cue to unfollow btw#@friendlifyre is my personal w more misc. posts if you wanna stay in touch#if not well. have a good one :) thank you for sticking around while you did
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