#people are treating tumblr as if its a unique case and it is definitely NOT LMAO

[spaciebabie]

I don’t think I’ll be on this platform anymore, at least for now, due to everything that’s happening. I’d just like to keep away from it and supporting it at all. See you later, maybe.

-heartbeat anon

i understand heartbeat!! safe travels wherever you find yourself!! thank you for sticking around <3333

[a-dragons-journal]

i dont "kin for fun" but through tiktok i found out about the whole kin for fun vs actual otherkin... situation ig? im having a really hard time taking it seriously... maybe im just burnt out and bitter from dealing with the worlds current events, and maybe its because on tiktok the only people i saw mad about it were white people, but you're the most reasonable person ive seen talking about it (a lot of other posts have this odd tone that 12 year olds on tiktok saying kin is the worlds greatest opression and it weirds me out) so ig my question is just... why exactly does this matter? why does it matter enough to post about and care about and not just ignore? /gen

Hey! I don’t blame you for being a bit weirded out by it, we’re a weird subculture and we’re well aware of it! xD I appreciate you taking the time to actually look into it past your first knee-jerk reaction, especially considering burnout and the state of things.

I’m not totally sure if you’re asking why otherkinity matters or why the “kin for fun” being wrong matters, so I’ll answer both - they’re pretty well tied together anyway.

The short version:

Otherkinity is an identity. It’s who we are, we can’t choose to pick it up or put it down, and it comes with struggles - though no, ‘kin are not systematically oppressed (though we are pretty badly bullied and, at this point, pushed out of our own words and spaces).

What people calling roleplay/relating to/projecting onto characters “kinning for fun” does is steal our words, make them meaningless, and in doing so, make it difficult or impossible for us to find each other. If someone says “I kin [x],” I no longer know whether they mean “I am [x] on an intrinsic level” or “haha I relate to this character a lot”. I no longer know whether they actually share my experiences or if they’re going to turn on me and call me “crazy” as soon as they realize I’m not exaggerating or joking or roleplaying. It’s done massive harm to the community as a whole because it’s become difficult to tell whether someone is actually ‘kin or if they’ve misunderstood the whole thing - and because antikin rhetoric, which I’m seeing more and more in KFF spaces, hurts far more when it’s coming from inside what you thought was a community space than when it’s coming from self-labeled “antikin.”

There are other words for roleplaying and relating to and projecting onto characters. Hell, there are words for strongly identifying with-but-not-as characters/things, though usually KFF people don’t even seem serious enough for those to fit in my experience. I’m really not sure why these people are so determined to steal and misuse our words, words that were specifically created to mean something else, when they already have their own and are just refusing to use them. (Or, hell, if you don’t feel like those fit, make your own. We did. It’s your turn to put in the work. (General you, not you-the-anon, of course.))

An analogy, if that still doesn’t quite land for you:

Consider, for a moment, the transgender community. I am aware this is a dangerous thing to say, but bear with me. Obvious CW for hypothetical transphobia up ahead is obvious.

Consider if you were part of the trans community (I don’t know if you are or not), having finally found a word to explain why you feel the way you do about yourself, why your experiences don’t seem to match up with those of everyone else around you. Having found a community, a home, full of other people like you, people you never would have met if not for words like “transgender” and “gender dysphoria/euphoria” that were created specifically to describe your experiences.

Now consider if people suddenly stumbled across your community for the first time who were not trans themselves. They see community jokes and lighthearted posts out of context, because Tumblr and Twitter aren’t exactly conducive to making sure people find the Transgender 101 information posts first. They don’t bother to do further research, assuming they understand: ah, these people like to crossdress! They like to pretend they’re a different gender! This seems like a fun hobby, I want in!

They begin to post things like this. They post photos of them crossdressing and caption them “hi, I’m [name], and I trans men!” and things of the like. Suddenly the concept of “transing for fun” seems to be everywhere - and it’s not at all what being trans actually is, but these people either don’t know or don’t care. When actual trans people try to politely correct them, they’re accused of “gatekeeping” - and to be clear, this is not “nonbinary people aren’t real,” it’s “transgender means you identify as a gender other than the one you were assigned at birth, and you’re self-identifying as the gender you were assigned at birth 100% and telling us this is just a fun hobby for you, therefore you’re not trans, you’re crossdressing or doing drag or being GNC. That’s fine, but it’s not being trans - you have other words to describe that, use those.”

(Yes, I am aware these things have a history with the trans community - please just ignore that for the sake of the analogy and bear with me on the slightly simplified version of this. “Kinning for fun” does not have that same history with the otherkin community.)

...And then the response to those attempted corrections, in some corners, turns into “wait, you ACTUALLY think you’re another gender? idk that sounds pretty unhealthy, maybe you should see a psychologist or something :\” and “you’re taking this too seriously.”

I imagine, in this hypothetical scenario, you’d also be pretty fuckin peeved.

(Obviously, in this hypothetical scenario, systematic transphobia would be an issue as well, which isn’t the case for otherkin - again, you’re gonna have to bear with me on the simplification for sake of analogy there.)

(EDIT: this is not an anti-MOGAI/exclusionist argument, this is “you’re literally telling me you don’t fit the definition,” explanation on that here)

The long version, which is probably still worth reading if you have the time and energy:

Otherkinity is... pretty core to who I am, who we as a group of individuals are. We live with being otherkin on a daily basis. Many of us spent a long time feeling different and disconnected and not understanding why until we found the otherkin community. Even people like me, who don’t share that experience and still had social connection - I’ve still had to live with weird differences that I had to learn to mask when necessary; instincts that don’t line up with human society well, feeling body parts that weren’t there and that no one else ever seemed to have, things that other kids grew out of because it was just make-believe for them and I... didn’t, because it was never make-believe for me to begin with. Oh, sure, I played make-believe too - I played warrior cats and house and all those things with the other kids, but there were things that weren’t play-pretend for me too. I didn’t have an explanation for it for a long time - it was just how I was, I was weird, and fortunately for me personally I was okay with that (many of those with species dysphoria or more trouble connecting with humans have more problems from that than I did).

And then I found the word “otherkin.” And suddenly everything fell into place, and I had an explanation for the things I’d been experiencing, and there were other people like me. Something I’d assumed didn’t exist. I found others who shared my unique experiences, who were talking about how to cope with the instinct to growl or snap jaws at people instead of expressing annoyance in a human way instead of just saying “that’s weird, don’t do that”, who were talking about dealing with phantom wings and tails, who understood me. I wasn’t weird, I wasn’t broken, I was exactly what one would expect from a dragon living in human skin. I found an explanation for myself. I found a home.

That is why otherkinity matters - it is who we are, it’s not something we can walk away from (certainly not most of us, anyway), and it’s something many of us need the support of the community to help deal with on a daily basis. Being a nonhuman in human society isn’t always easy, but it’s not something we can just magically stop being - it’s core to who we are, we (generally) didn’t choose to be this way, and we (generally) can’t choose to stop. Which is fine - the vast majority of us can cope with it just fine, with a little advice and help and space to be our authentic selves in. We found each other, we built this community from the ground up to make a space and words to make finding each other easier - or possible at all.

Thus we come to the second half of our story.

It was only a couple of years ago that the “kin for fun” trend started getting big. It had existed before that, of course, but it only started going mainstream two, maybe three years ago, from what I can tell. Suddenly people were treating “kin” like it meant relating to, projecting onto, roleplaying as, or just really really liking a character or thing - not being that thing, which is what it actually means. Not long after that, it became hard to tell whether someone saying “I kin this” meant they were that thing, that they were actually part of our community - or that they really really liked that thing and either didn’t know or couldn’t be bothered to learn that that wasn’t the case for us.

Not long after that, it became relatively commonplace to hear phrases like “otherkin are ruining kinning!!” and “you’re taking this too seriously” and “idk, if it’s that serious for you that sounds unhealthy. maybe you should get some help :\” (all directly quoted, or as exactly quoted as I can remember, from things KFF people have said to me or people I know).

It is a special kind of hell, I think, to be told “you’re taking this too seriously, that’s unhealthy” by people who are taking words created to describe your experiences, not theirs, and misusing them to mean something that you do for fun on a weekend instead of something that’s intrinsic to your being.

Perhaps more importantly, like I’ve said, it’s making it almost impossible to know whether someone who says “I kin [x]” is actually ‘kin or if they’re misusing our words to mean something else entirely. The entire point of words is to communicate ideas, and once you start misusing words to mean something totally different than what they actually mean, that communication falls apart and suddenly we might as well not have those words at all. Especially when the community is small enough and obscure enough that we’re starting to be outnumbered by the misinformation. We’re being run out of our own words, words we created to describe our experiences specifically - because we’re a small community that the wider internet can easily drown out by sheer numbers of people who either don’t know any better or don’t care to learn.

That’s the harm it does - the harm it is doing, right now. That’s why it’s important enough to post about. That’s why it matters - because we’re fighting desperately to hang onto our own words so that others like us can actually find us. Because we’re seeing young nonhumans go “this isn’t a kin, I actually am this” and screaming “No, I’m so sorry that this is what the misinformation has done to you, that’s exactly what otherkin means, you have a place here, please don’t let these non-’kin misusing our words drive you away from the very community you’re looking for and that you belong in.” Because we can’t even communicate effectively about our own experiences anymore except in semi-closed spaces like Discord servers and forums (and the number of Discord servers overrun with KFF people is absurd).

......This got very long. Hopefully it at least explained why it matters so much to me and others a bit better ^^; Thanks for hearing me out, and thank you again for looking into this beyond your initial knee-jerk reaction - I really do appreciate it.

(For further reading, if that text wall didn’t blow you out of the water completely, I recommend my “kin for fun” tag, which has more posts like this in both short and long form.)

[funkymbtifiction]

I found that “Dominant Function Mantras” post really useful since it paints a clear picture in a sentence than long paragraphs in profiles. I’d like to ask if I got a couple of them right though: for ITP is illustrating their personal subjective standards “my definition of”, while the ETJ shows their use of objective standards i.e. “objective worth”. Is that right?

Yes. Ti is creating an internal system of understanding which is subjective (unique to self) so what a Ti decides is the definition of something might not be the same as another Ti’s definition of it, or even the dictionary’s definition of it. An example would be the interview on line with Sir Terry Pratchett, in which an audience member at a book signing asks him if he believes in God. Pratchett halts all conversation with an immediate ‘definition of’ – by asking the person which “god” he is referring to, and is he specifically inquiring if Pratchett believes in the Judaeo-Christian deity known as God. His Ti wants a quantifier (to know what “we” are talking about here) before it will even move forward to address the issue.

Te by comparison has a harsher view in many ways, because it sees people in terms of their potential output. It was probably a Te user who first posed the well-known moral question of how do you determine which people have ‘greater value’ in society and should be saved (obviously, the people who should be saved first are the ones able to contribute enough to society to sustain its regrowth after a global disaster). To put it basically, Te recognizes that a scientist who can figure out how to grow food in decimated areas has greater ‘worth’ to society than someone with a basic college education. But that’s also where Fi comes in, because Fi would argue that everyone has basic worth simply by being human; Te will sort them according to ‘usefulness’ (on a logical level), but Fi will also see their individual worth as a person. Even so, the ETJ would prioritize protecting those who could establish a workable society, first, because that is basic logic – in order for a society to survive, it has to have members capable of contributing in rational ways to its sustained existence.

I’m theorizing now that that’s why TPs usually seem comfortable with alternative versions of theories (like Socionics and Vultology, the authors of both seem INTP to me). I know that to me the most frustrating thing about MBTI is the lack of proper official definitions of the functions: I own 6 books on the subject, and every author seem to have their own interpretation of some of the functions, adding things and sometimes attributing traits to one function that to another author belongs to a different one. It’s even worse when you add Youtubers who come up with their own concepts that many times are at odd with actual MBTI theory. On Tumblr or forums people seem to only have complaints about both Jung’s and Myer-Brigg’s definitions and everyone seems to think they can do it better than them, but in all these years there’s no consensus.

It’s exhausting. It’s like there’s no definitive answer, no final word and truth on functions and that. drives. me. nuts. Is that related to type?

I too find the inconsistencies frustrating, because there’s no single source (other than Jung, who treated each functional description as separate from the whole, so it is an ‘extreme’ version of the type it represents) and a lot of misinformation floating around out there, perpetrated by people who don’t know where to get good information from (I have been among them in the past, as have most MBTI enthusiasts). In my case, obviously, it is a Te frustration – because you cannot teach other people how to use typology in productive ways if no one can agree on what the functions and types “look like.” There is also a great deal of Ti “hair splitting” going on within the MBTI community (what do you mean only this type does this? DOESN’T EVERYONE DO THAT AT LEAST A LITTLE???) and in a sense, that’s where Socionics came from – an INTP decided 4 functions wasn’t enough, so designed a system with all of them shown in varying degrees of strength and “as blind spots / polar opposites.” I have not gotten into Socionics for that reason (it’s too complicated for my taste) and recommend no one ‘mixes’ the two, because they are not compatible as systems.

Author-wise, I recommend Jung, Lenore Thomson, and more recently, I was quite pleasantly surprised by Michael Pierce’s book “Motes and Beams.” He at least addresses each function individually AND its role in the type as a dominant function, even if he over-complicates it with some Socionics references (and other systems he has studied). I think he’s very knowledgeable and quite good (methodical in his arguments) and he seems to have found a fair balance between a lot of the ‘assumptions’ about the functions and their overall shape (my caveat is I don’t agree with all of his quoted examples -- I’m not sure if he means the person quoted is that type in his opinion, or if the quote alone simply represents best what he is attempting to communicate, but I disagree with some of his “these famous people are these types” examples).

Regarding your own type, I see from your blog you self-type as ESTP. If your frustration lies purely from annoyance at the impurity of the system (there is no perfect one that is all in alignment with itself – no standardized definitions upon which to rely) that would fit well with Se (brutal reality) + Ti (get your damn ducks in a row and stop being so inconsistent and self-contradicting) thinking.

[pbscore]

Q because I've seen you posting about this

I agree that men aren't like inherently evil and intersectionality exists but I've also noticed that they're the only majority group that gets defended against statements like that? Like it's not controversial to say "the straights suck" or "white people are horrible" etc but implying that men are shitty is somehow like uniquely not ok and they deserve to be more untouchable? idk I'm just not sure how to reconcile that, curious about your thoughts

Hmm...this is tricky because while I don't want to bring any possible negativity my way, I also feel like there are a lot of unsaid feelings floating around this topic that a lot of people don't wanna touch right now...but I'm not a lot of people, so I'm gonna do what I think is right.

To be honest, I'm ambivalent about this situation because I can kinda guess where the root of this situation started germinating and where it started to flip back into women and non-men having to write entire disclaimers when talking about dealing with discrimination, specifically from men. I feel like when I was coming up on tumblr as a teen, in the late 2000s and into the 2010s, there was an explosion of this new feminist wave. It wasn't perfect, at first, but then there began to be more of a focus on inclusiveness and intersectionality, where trans women, women of color, disabled women, and other women from other types of marginalized groups would be able to talk about how misogyny uniquely effects them.

In my own experience, this made a lot of sense even when I was coming into my own identity as a transmasc person. For the most part, I have always seen myself as a guy but like...a little to the left. I know that most people see me as a 'man' and that I pass as one, so it never bothered me to take on some of that responsibility of being a man who can recognize and nip misogyny in the bud wherever I see it or hear it. And this means anywhere for me, even in spaces with other marginalized men because unfortunately, it is and was extremely common for misogyny to fester there.

That never meant that it was lost on me to remember that there were other systems of oppression and bigoted ideas that effected marginalized men, specifically. So, I came to develop a 'everything is relative and take things on a case-by-case basis' type of mentality when I'm in any social setting. In real life, I have often encountered more women who would apologize for even talking about things that bothered them, primarily when it came to men, than I have seen women who were outwardly vocal about their distaste for the way men treated them. Even when there were men who knew I was trans, I was still able to access a level of 'conditional acceptance' among them, as long as I could do a song and dance of, 'yeah, some women are totally crazy lol,' when it came to them needing to take some level of accountability.

When I first started noticing more women doing this online, it was on TikTok when that whole, 'Kill All Men,' joke (because it was definitely just a joke and it was never meant to be taken seriously or to be taken out of its original context) was spreading around and there was this immediate backlash of (mostly white) men who felt 'attacked' by it. Granted, the only part of that I agreed with was if white women were using it against men of color or disabled men or any other marginalized men in genuine malice. Most of the time, I never saw women doing this genuinely unless they were TERFs and in that case, that's when I would call it out or unfollow someone.

Now, some men might take that as me cherry picking or kissing women's asses but like...I'm just explaining my own experience from real life and online. I really never felt 'threatened' or genuinely hated by women or anyone who wasn't a man when they've expressed how much they hated the way they were being treated by men. There wasn't this ridiculously overwhelming pressure to 'denounce' masculinity unless it was 'too strong' in women. And I'm talking about both cis and trans women being held to this standard of not showing any sort of masculinity with anything they choose to do.

I saw them getting haggled for it more than I've seen any men, marginalized or not, getting haggled for it. The only times I've seen anyone be so genuinely insidious towards men and boys was when TERFs go on their little, 'this is clearly thinly veiled bioessentianism wrapped in pretty libfem verbiage,' campaigns where they purposely insinuate that ALL men are 'inherently' evil and could 'never' understand being marginalized. Nine times outta ten, you check their blog and they're clearly a blatant transphobe of some flavor: TERF, a transphobic gay or straight man, a racist, a tradwife/traditionalist, a truscum that pretends they're not agreeing with TERFs, and on the off chance, it's a trans woman who's being an ass towards trans men.

Now, there was a little minute when the whole 'soft boy' discourse happened and we had to remind folks that it's more than ok for men to dress how they want, even if it's 'feminine'. But since then, it seems like women's appeal towards men who they see as 'non-threatening' has spiraled into a bunch of unfair assumptions towards all men but also a staggering amount of defensiveness for men at the same time.

And my thing is like...I get why we are at this current conjunction of discourse but...I really don't get why people are at such extremes to the point of forgetting that there are some issues that only effect women (cis and trans) on the basis of them just existing as women and some issues that can effect men but they inherently share with women because there is no systemic oppression of men just for existing as men.

Make no mistake, this isn't me saying that men have never struggled or have never faced any issues in their personal lives. This is me explaining how every marginalized man is gonna share that kind of oppression with women and non-men in that same community.

The same antiblack racism that hurts black women hurts black men. The same ableism that hurts disabled women hurts disabled men. The same transphobic rhetoric that hurts trans women hurts trans men. Obviously, when it comes to gender there has to be a bit more nuance because we need to include the experiences of nonbinary folks and intersex folks. But you get what I mean.

I feel like this shared experience in a lot of these marginalized communities is what keeps most of us working together but the problem of discrimination based on gender has always been biased towards women and/or anyone who fell out of the stereotypical tenants of 'masculinity' defined by cishet white men. Because of this I've seen trans men, for example, claim the oppression of misogyny based on them having been perceived as a woman at some point in their lives or still being perceived as one due to some of them not being able to 'pass' as a cishet man.

This is where I have a wrinkle in my brain because if I follow that logic, then I wouldn't really be a trans man experiencing lateral aggression and transphobia, would I? That's certainly not what that line of thinking means to me. It sounds closer to someone insinuating that because someone else assumes I have a vagina and/or sees my breasts not in a binder, and thinks I'm a woman, then I've experienced misogyny (or as some folks want to call it 'transandrophobia/transmisandry', which I will never be using). The reality, though, is the person who is discriminating against me just has a shallow perception of gender in an age where it's constantly being questioned and if I was wearing the most 'masculine' clothing with some facial hair, I would easily get my 'womanhood' card revoked.

And plenty of women, cis and trans, have talked about this particular situation in that when they as women display any sort of characteristic indicative of 'masculinity', especially if they are women of color, their womanhood is questioned. You can literally see this in action just by looking at what's happening with Black women in the Olympics.

This is just one of many recent examples I've been seeing of this new trend to validate some men's own insecurities, while failing to do the necessary work that is required of anyone to actually connect with folks in other communities. I have not felt like the men in a lot of these marginalized communities are putting the same energy to reach out to their fellow men as the women of these communities have been doing for years, mostly out of necessity for their own survival and the survival of their children. Again, this isn't to say that all men are doing this but a staggering majority are and that needs to be acknowledged by these men, themselves, in order to move forward.

You could be the most 'progressive' thinking man on the planet but if you're not putting your money where your mouth is, we're just gonna continue to spin around in circles until be all get tired of each other.

So, in conclusion lol, I will always be wary of any rhetoric that claims a certain group of people (especially if they're already marginalized) are 'inherently evil' or 'aren't worthy of respect or love' and I will always fight against it because it's wrong. No human is just 'born evil' because evil is something that is taught or impressed upon. However, I will also acknowledge that there are some issues that will only effect certain groups and that group needs more attention paid to their needs. In this case, since this is the topic, it is women who are still largely marginalized by society on account of them just existing as women. There will always be nuance on these kinds of topics, so again, I will take every situation on a case by case basis and make my judgements based on the facts and physical realities of these issues.

[malmuses]

Hello Mal, how are you doing? I hope things have gotten better for you on the real life side of things. I'm going through some rough times too, so at least the company is good! I wanted to start by saying that your fics have single handedly gotten me through the most turbulent transition period of my life. I'm almost completely finished with your works on AO3 and your storytelling... *many many many chef kisses*. You are easily one of my favorite writers. I love your writing style, ...1/2

...2/2 your characterization, and how well thought out each story is. Each fic is like a decadent treat for my brain. I was curious, as a fellow writer, what your writing process is like. I've tried a few different methods but was wondering what works best for you! I hope the rest of your 2020 is full of peace and love. Also, I apologize in advance for the spam of comments you are about to receive on AO3. I finally have enough spoons for it!

I’m pasting these into one so I can put the answer in one place! (Tumblr is so awkward sometimes.) Sorry to hear you’ve been going through rough times too! There’s a lot of it going around this year, so I think we have plenty of company. In fact, I think the whole world just needs to lower its expectations and standards this year. Woke up? There’s the first gold star of the day. It's only up from here. I’m so glad that you’ve been enjoying my stories and so flattered that you say they’ve helped you so much...*insert feelings gif* I always tell myself when I write something: It’s okay if not everyone likes it. It’s okay if some people hate it. Nothing is for everyone. I just want one person to *love it*. Then I’m totally at peace. Now, if that person is just me? If I’m the only one that loves it? That’s also cool. Each story comes from a different place. My long-winded point, though, was that you basically just validated the existence of my entire catalog of fics so far, so thank you xD Your question about my writing process though - I’m happy to answer. But of course, first, I have to insert the usual disclaimer that as with most creative endeavors, there is no ‘right’ way to do it. I’m sure you know that, but sometimes I think people underestimate the depth of that truth. Each person has their own unique way of doing things. The struggle is sometimes finding the particular way, or combination of ways, that work for you. There’s definitely no harm in sharing what works for me though, in case anyone else can take anything from it. I’m someone who writes multiple things at once. Some people can’t do this or don’t want to, which I totally understand. For me, this is how I (mostly) avoid any kind of writers' block. If I’m stuck somewhere, I switch projects for a day or two. I do usually still have one main project I’m working on, but I usually have at least three others, often at various stages of the writing process. This keeps me in more of a flow state so I keep going with things, and allows me to write every day. It’s a habit. Now, I’m not saying breaks are bad, and everyone should write every day. I just find that for me, breaks should be deliberate. They should be true, chosen breaks, not because I just...drifted into one.

As you can probably tell from all that, I’m very much a planner and outliner. I outline...a lot. I’d be happy to talk more about my particular outlining process on Tumblr someday if anyone wanted. But, basically, I start with a general idea, then break it down into different story beats, so I can see if there’s something missing or too much of one thing. Then I fill in the gaps, then start breaking each overall ‘part’ of the plot into scenes, etc. Chapters come last. In terms of numbers (I get asked this one a lot), it does not matter how long your chapters are. What matters is that the chapter length feels right for the pacing of the fic, in my opinion, and I really think that is something that just comes with practice and knowing your own writing. Shitty advice maybe, but just the truth as I see it. A lot of it comes down to practice and finding what works for you.

Once I have an outline, I generally write linearly. Some people can jump around a lot. That’s a bit of a last resort for me if I’m stuck on something, or alternately if a scene steams into my head fully formed I will write it...with the understanding that I will probably have to change chunks of it when I reach it. It’s just the way it goes.

Now, when I say I outline in detail (there are literal spreadsheets)  that doesn’t mean that I magically only write exactly what’s in the outline and I stick to it. An outline can be a guide, not a rule. Sometimes stories take you places, and generally, I find it's better to listen to what the story wants. If my story starts going somewhere else or introduces something I don’t expect, I often revisit my outline and think, “Okay, how can I work in this new thing so that it follows the plotlines and arcs I already have? Am I adding to what I have or just distracting from it?” Most often those answers are obvious to me, but sometimes it’s good to ask someone else. A friend, a trusted beta. (I could talk a whole lot about betas and how that works for me, too, in addition to outlining).

I pretty much zero draft my fics. By that, I mean that I will start writing, and I won’t go back and do very much editing until the end. I will, each writing session, go back and read what I wrote the day before. Get into the zone. And sure, I’ll fix something if it jumps out at me - but that isn’t the purpose at that point, and most things won’t jump out, because it's too fresh. My brain knows what I meant, so it autocorrects for me. 

Leading into editing, it’s a two-step process for me. Once my zero draft is finished, I go back to the beginning and go through. This is where most of my developmental editing happens. (Another thing that probably needs more detail...different types of editing.) Once I’ve done that (usually during that pass, I’ve added words) I then put the fic aside. For as long as possible. At least a month, if I can swing that. (Bang deadlines sometimes cause issues if it's a fic for a bang, but I try). 

Once that time has passed, I can come back to it with fresh eyes. I’ll see the mistakes much more easily, then. This is where more intensive line edits happen, where SPAG happens, where I insert anything I made note of during my first pass if I needed to foreshadow anything more, that kind of thing. 

For a WIP, I do these edits chapter by chapter as it posts. For a Bang fic, obvious I have to do it all in one go. Due to the way I write, if you see me start posting a fic -- that fic is already finished, or in rarer instances (for work that was more time-sensitive) partway through the second draft or so. Oneshots are a little different (and I’ve had some oneshots that turned into chaptered fics of their own accord) in that they are just shorter and less intensive and often only have one main plot thread, so they’re a lot easier to do. I can get one drafted, edited and posted within a few days usually, depending on length.

How much do I write? Depends on the day. I have a high-stress finance job, two kids, and write a mixture of original fiction and fanfic stuff. So sometimes it's more than others. Bad day? Maybe 1,000 words. Good, average day? 3-6k. High pressure? Well, last year's DCBB I wrote in just under three days. It was 25k at that point. I have no tips for speed beyond learning to type fast, LOL!

Okay. I’ve probably bored you, and anyone else who had to scroll past all this, to tears. This is way too long. But even so, more specific questions, I’m happy to answer.

Good luck! Best advice? Just write. Write. Write. "Write a million words, then throw them away” is a changeable quote attributed to several authors but all it comes down to is...practice. Find your own vice and way of doing it. In a million words time, you will be a different writer than you are now, guaranteed.

Mal <3

[yanting01]

Is Tumblr a blog or a social networking site?

When I first approach Tumblr, I personally think that it is a blog with a hybrid of Facebook and Twitter. However in this topic, we are going to discuss and find out whether it is a blog or not. Check out the video below of how Tumblr are used for memes making. Enjoy ! 😉

What defines a blog?

Based on the Oxford Dictionary, blog is defined as "a regularly updated website, typically one run by an individual or small group, that is written in an informal or conversational style." In short, it can be said that it is an informational web page that consists of discrete units called "posts" (Duke University 2021). Blogs can be differ from personal, artistic, academic or professional, therefore it is quite a form of online publishing that produce knowledge, research sharing, social networks building or even personal growth documenting. It is a platform for individual to share thoughts and ideas, but lack of networking. Blog serve the purpose to connect people to the right audience and boost websites traffic (Minaev 2021). To define blog, first hint will be frequent updates, an example will be food blog that shares recipes. Second, blog promote reader engagement, whereby blog authors update their site regularly with new posts (Minaev 2021). Examples of blogging sites include Medium, BuzzFeed, and TechRadar. The video below have explained about the difference between blog and a website and how to determine a blog. In the video by Create and Go YouTube channel, he determine that BuzzFeed is a blog because it is centered around updated content and blog posts about their primary content.

What defines a Social Networking Site?

According to Watermeyer (2012), social networking sites (SNS) helps people in a way to stay connected regardless of contextual barriers such as geographical distance and time zone difference. Development of personal and business relationships are the use of social networking (Investopedia 2021). Social networking sites like Facebook and Instagram allow communities to be engaged and develop relationships, they can share photos and updates things going on in their lives, not only that, people could also be united from having same interests such as fandom, music, movies (Investopedia 2021).

Therefore, based on the definitions discovered above, we can see that SNS serves a clear purpose which is connect its users. Based on Boyd & Ellison 2008, SNS 's objectives is to enable their users to articulate and make visible their social networks. Furthermore, the author stated that majority of the SNSs participants are not particularly networking, instead they are more on communicating with people that they have know offline. Examples of such are like friends commenting on each others' posts and share thoughts.

What is Tumblr?

As what I have experienced all this while using Tumblr, it is a platform that let you share anything effortlessly and engage with others. You can also find community that shares similar interests with you. Like me, I just found out that Tumblr also have bunch of fans that shares info of the anime Attack on Titan: Final Season. Other than that, it is also a place you can find entertainment because there are a lot of "meme-ster" around in Tumblr. In Tumblr you can share photos, GIFs, music, text, quotes and links using phone or desktop, as long as you have Wi-Fi. Tumblr is often described as a microblog where snippets of text and quick snaps are posted usually. Until today, Tumblr is still as popular as it has about 327 million unique visitors around the globe since January 2020 as of January 2021 (Tankovska 2021).

Here's a meme for some funny moments in case my blog are too wordy 🤔

Is Tumblr a blog or a social networking site?

Back to the question, is Tumblr a blog or social network site, in my opinion, I think it is both. As Tumblr have characteristic of both blog and social network site. For instance, Tumblr have these characteristics of blog whereby posts can be created in a regular basis and can be brought to relevant audiences too with appropriate hashtags and title. Also, it have social network site characteristics whereby it can engage people around the world. The re-blog features of Tumblr are one awesome feature where you can share your thoughts on that specific topic and open a discussion on that. That makes community to connected which is also called as networking in SNS.

Moreau (2020) also says that Tumblr is both a blog and a social network site. You can use it only for social networking with other users or just blogging, or both. For example, you can have an account that are only used for blogging to record daily lives, treating it as a diary, and have another account, maybe a business-related account that can helps your business to get attracted by others, promote your business, you can also use one account to do both, by blogging daily routines of your business maybe? Writing about your business processes, upcoming promotions, and maybe some day other user that have similar business as you will come and interact with you, too? Thinking of that, Tumblr is also a good place for business marketing.

------------------------ This is a cute ending line ------------------------

Thank you for your time on reading this blog, enjoy watching the videos on the topic "Is Tumblr a blog or a social networking site". 🍻

--------------------------- References below ----------------------------

References

Duke University, 2021, “Introduction to Blogging”, viewed 28 March 2021, <https://twp.duke.edu/sites/twp.duke.edu/files/file-attachments/blogging-introduction.original.pdf>.

Minaev, A, 2021, What is a Blog? – Definition of Terms Blog, Blogging, and Blogger, viewed 28 March 2021, <https://firstsiteguide.com/what-is-blog/#:~:text=So%2C%20the%20main%20purpose%20of,visited%20by%20your%20target%20audience>.

Moreau, E, 2020, How to Use Tumblr for Blogging and Social Networking, viewed 28 March 2021, <https://www.lifewire.com/how-to-use-tumblr-4049305#:~:text=Tumblr%20is%20both%20a%20blogging%20platform%20and%20a%20social%20network>.

Tankovska, H, 2021, Total Global Visitor Traffic to Tumblr.com 2021, viewed 28 March 2021, <https://www.statista.com/statistics/261925/unique-visitors-to-tumblrcom/>.

Watermeyer, R, 2012, Social Networking Sites, ScienceDirect, viewed 28 March 2021, <https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/social-sciences/social-networking-sites>.

This is a blog post for educational purpose only for unit MDA20009 Digital Communities.

[just-a-space-duck]

Multi-Spec Orientation Identities

Now, I know a lot has already been said on the nuances and variety of multi-spec orientations, especially here on Tumblr. But I’ve had these ideas floating around in my head for a while now and have now decided to take a stab at writing them down both as a writing exercise and to throw my own perspective into the ring. Now, onto the essay.

There are a multitude of terms out there describing attraction to multiple genders. Bisexual/romantic, pansexual/romantic, and polysexual/romantic, often shortened to bi, pan, and ply respectively, are the most common ones. Other terms exist out there as well, such as omnisexual/romantic and abrosexual/romantic. Others, while not explicit on the number of genders one is attracted, can be and have been used as labels for individuals attracted to multiple genders. Altogether, these terms fall under the umbrella term multisexual/romantic. Synonyms include multi-spectrum, often shortened to multi-spec, and multiple gender attraction, shortened to MGA. I’ll be using the term multi-spec here.

Note that being attracted to multiple gender is not the same as desiring or being in multiple romantic relationships simultaneously. Being in and/or desiring to be in multiple simultaneous relationships is called polyamory. Polyamorous individuals can be any orientation and multi-spec individuals are not inherently polyamorous.

The distinctions between the terms I’ll be discussing here can be fuzzy. And that’s okay. Words are not fixed, perfectly distinct vessels of meaning. Definitions can change and vary for many reasons. Why someone uses a particular term or does not use another comes down to their own understanding of these terms and which connotations they want to give off.

With all that out of the way, let’s start off with bisexual/romantic, as it is the most common of the multi-spec terms. Its broad usage has made it the most complex of the multi-spec terms, with a multitude of definitions and connotations tied to it.

One of the most common definitions of bi is attraction only the binary genders, men and women. Of all the definitions, this one has the most discourse surrounding it. One common discussion point is if bi always does or should mean just attraction to the binary genders. I don’t know enough about the history of the term bi to make any statements on its older usage, but at least nowadays, bi is so broad in usage, that it can mean attraction to any type and number of genders greater than one. Language is fluid and evolves, so even though bi still holds onto it’s binary-only connotations, it can mean more than that.

Now, there are some bi individuals who define their orientation as attraction to only the binary genders. This brings up another common discussion point: is it inherently enbyphobic to do so? I’m a cisgender person, so please take my stance with a grain of salt. I don’t think it’s any more enbyphobic for a person to only be attracted to binary gender individuals than it is misogynistic for someone to only be attracted to men. That being said, I do think that everyone should view nonbinary genders as real, valid, and potentially attractive to someone, even if they themselves find that they are not attracted to nonbinary people. Not everyone who describes their orientation as “attraction to men and women” does. They might be attracted to nonbinary people, but not consider their genders real or might be repulsed by nonbinary people out of prejudice rather than just being inherently not attracted to them. In other words, what’s important is one’s attitude towards nonbinary identities and not their actual attraction or lack thereof to them.

Another super common definition of bi is attraction to all genders. Sometimes this is regardless of gender, with gender impacting attraction, or sometimes with attraction bring stronger or more common with certain genders. Sometimes this definition is worded as attraction to two sets of genders: one’s own and all others, connecting it to the typical definition of the prefix bi-. This definition of attraction to two sets of genders is also sometimes used to refer not to all genders, but just some. This can be two groups of genders, such as all neutral and femme genders, or two specific genders, such as agender and female.

Very rarely, bi is defined as attraction to multiple, but not all, genders. The broadest definition of bi is just attraction to more than one gender. It’s fairly common for many multi-spec individuals who use other orientation labels to use bi as well due to its notoriety and variety of definitions. In many cases, bi is used a catch all for all multi-spec identities and terms, with the variation bi+, being a synonym for multi-spec.

Then there’s pansexual/romantic, the most common term after bisexual/romantic. It was coined as a counterpart to bi. Unlike bi, which without further specification, is not explicit on how many or which genders one is attracted to, pan is explicitly attraction to all genders. Sometimes pan is further defined as attraction regardless of gender or that gender plays no role in one’s attraction to a person. The main dictator of a pan person’s attraction to another person may be something else like gender presentation or personality. Note that these determiners of attraction are not exclusive to pan people or mutually exclusive with other determiners.

Sometimes pan is also described as attraction to all genders, cis and trans, and “Hearts, Not Parts”, an almost slogan for pansexuality/romantism. There is so controversy surrounding these definitions as they can imply that all other orientations are inherently transphobic or only concerned with an individual’s physical body.

Then there’s polysexual/romantic, usually abbreviated to ply instead of poly to prevent confusion with polyamory/amorous. This term was coined to fill in the “gaps” between bisexual/romantic and pansexual/romantic. While pan means attraction to all genders and bi still holds onto the connotation of attraction to only the binary genders or any two genders, ply usually means attraction to two or more genders, but not all. Ply is usually used to emphasize that at least one of the genders an individual is attracted to is nonbinary.

Occasionally, ply is defined as attraction to three of more but not all genders, to distinguish it from the “attraction to only two genders” definition of bi. Even more rarely, ply is used to mean attraction to all genders with attraction being stronger or more likely with some genders over others, a counterpart to the “attraction regardless of or equally to all genders” definitions of pan. Sometimes ply is used an umbrella term for all multi-spec identities.

There are many more multi-spec and multi-spec adjacent terms out there. As extensive as the collection of terms I’ll be further looking at is, it still only scratches the surface of terms that exist out there.

Frequently added on as the fourth main multi-spec term is omnisexual/romantic. In terms of scope, omnisexual/romantic is identical to pansexual/romantic, meaning attraction to all genders. In fact, sometimes the two are treated as perfect synonyms. More often when omni is used, it is distinguished from pan, with pan being defined as attraction regardless of gender and omni as gender impacting attraction. Some omni individuals might be more attracted to some genders than others. For others, gender does play a part in attraction without there being any leanings towards specific genders, such as only being attracted to masculinity in women or desiring different types of physical contact with different genders.

Then there’s abrosexual/romantic meaning that the genders one has the potential to be attracted to changes over time. This is not the same thing as being attracted to different people at different times or changing one’s standards for who they find attractive. The key word here is potential. For example, an abro individual might be only be able to experience attraction to men one day, only nonbinary people the next day, and then both men and nonbinary people the day after that. Think of it like the orientation version of genderfluid.

Similarly, the suffix -flux is sometimes used, usually in place of -sexual/-romantic, to indicate that the genders one has the potential to be attracted to at any point in time, change, such as panflux. Occasionally -fluid is used in the same manner, but more often -fluid refers to gender.

Ceratosexual/romantic is a term for nonbinary people who are only attracted to other nonbinary people. I’ve placed it here, as without further specification, cerato encompasses all nonbinary genders. Diamoric is similar, as it can refer to nonbinary people attracted nonbinary people, similar to the female/femme specific term sapphic. However, it does not specify if said individual is attracted to other genders and can be used to refer to relationships including at least one nonbinary person rather than an orientation.

Then there’s homoflexible and heteroflexible. These terms mean that an individual’s orientation leans predominantly towards homosexual/romantic or heterosexual/romantic respectively, but they are either open to relationships with other genders or experience weak and/or occasional attraction to other genders.

Penultisexual/romantic is an extremely rare and newly coined term, but I bring it up because of its very unique and interesting definition. Penutli is attraction to all genders other than one’s own, distinct from hetero in that it is explicitly inclusive of nonbinary genders. From all the mentions of penulti I’ve come across, it’s unclear if it includes genders similar to one’s own (e.g. would a penulti demigirl be attracted to other binary and nonbinary women?), though I would rule that this would be up to the individual.

Some, even rarer terms, get even more specific on the types of genders one is attracted to, such as the galactian orientations, themselves an offshoot of the galactian genders.

Some terms do not specify the number or types of genders one is attracted to. While I wouldn’t consider these to be multi-spec terms because of that, they can indicate attraction to multiple genders.

The most widely used of these terms are the asexual and aromantic spectrum terms. Rather than describing the genders one is attracted to, they describe the intensity, frequency, and/or conditions of attraction. For some a-spec individuals, gender has little to nothing to do with their attraction to a person. For others, it does. Some a-spec individuals may further specify their orientation with other terms, such as polysexual aromantic or demisexual lesbian.

Some other terms define attraction by features other than gender that dictate attraction. The most common of these terms are the ones describing attraction based on gender presentation. Prefixes such as androgyne- fem- and masc- are sometimes used as orientation labels.

Extremely broad terms may be used by individuals of various genders and orientations, including multi-spec people. One of these terms is gay. While at its strictest definition, gay refers just to binary gender men who are only attracted to binary gender men, the term is so broad in usage that it’s been used to refer to anyone who experiences attraction in any way other than “binary gender person who is only attracted to the other binary gender”.

Queer is also a super common term used by not just multi-spec individuals, but individuals of any LGBT+ identity. While reasons for usage of the label queer vary, some common ones include: wanting to describe multiple identities, an individual still figuring out their identity, not wanting to use a more specific label, or wanting to highlight a shared identity, experience, and community.

Of course, individuals can use multiple terms to describe multiple identities or to describe the same identity, often for different contexts. Take me for example. I’m sexually attracted to binary and nonbinary men and women as well nonbinary individuals whose genders are close to male and/or female. Romantically, I am attracted to all genders, with gender impacting how I experience that attraction. As of right now, I identify most specifically as mercuric bisexual omniromantic. However, I’ll usually only use this specific set of labels for myself or with close friends. With close family, I am simply bi or gay, in public LGBT+ spaces I go by bi and queer, and I’ll go by either gay or not state a label at all in most other situations.

There are a variety of labels out there describing attraction to multiple genders. This essay was just scratching the surface. Hope this was able to help anyone who was confused on these terms or needed a resource for their own self-discovery.

[mimzy-writing-online]

Hey!! I was wondering if you had any advice for a character concept I've been playing with? :) long story short, my character wasn't born blind, but throughout the story she progressively becomes blind from cataracts- cortical vision impairment to be exact. Is this inherently a bad concept? I really don't want to misrepresent this, and the last thing I want is to make people mad about it. Is there a way I should go about this? Thanks!!

Later message from same Anon: Hey! Just following up on my ask of writing a blind character in the Victorian era- sorry if I missed it

Note: in a message between the first and third, anon added that this story takes place in the Victorian era.

You certainly did not miss it, I’ve just been lazy (struggling) with blog maintenance and have been procrastinating answering several asks.  Historical fiction is out of my area of expertise, so this required more research than general advice.

Also, my first and second attempts at an answer were eaten away by computer/tumblr difficulties, so I had to rewrite a lot.

I think it is a fantastic idea to have your character go blind slowly over time. It is also ambitious, so it is something you need to be careful with, but it’s totally doable.

So the era throws me a little because I’ve never had much practice with historical fiction and history wasn’t a fave subject of mine. Most of my research into blind history has been after World War I, because the sudden surge of blinded veterans changed the course of history for the blind community. This and technology overall led to those huge changes.

So I did a little reading up on the recent evolutions of blindness and the world’s general understanding of it in the 1800s.

Conclusion: society was shit with disability, but I already knew that. There were some remarkable inventions and innovations for blindness in this century, which I will get to later.

 So this post will be: 1. The more personal aspects of going blind over time (instead of all at once) such as acceptance vs denial, life changes, and internalized ableism. 2. Speculating on society’s perception of the blind. 3. Innovations for the blind in that era and what comes after.

 So, part one. The Emotional…

As someone who has slowly lost vision over the course of years and has no idea how far this will progress, I can tell you that it’s an agonizing process of realization, denial, understanding, acceptance, adaption.

Realizing you’re going blind comes in small pieces that eventually add up to become a puzzle. And for this reason, adaption follows a similar pattern.

You identify a problem, feel conflicted about this change, wonder if you should ignore or investigate, and regardless of which path you take, you find a new way to adapt.

I’m going to use an example of my process through this, so you can see the actual thought patterns and how they circle between “this isn’t a problem” – “wait this is a problem” – “no I’m fine!” – “this is a problem.” – “I’m fine, what am I complaining for” – “I made this change and now my life is 100x easier??? Who knew? Why didn’t I do this sooner?”

Example from my life: Light is bright. That hurts but I’m fine. I get sunglasses. The pain with bright light is getting worse. Okay, that’s concerning, maybe I should talk to a doctor. Doctor says I’m fine but now I’m thinking I’m not okay. Why are my eyes doing this? Why do I hurt? Oh, and now bright lights at night are becoming a problem, and I get more headaches associated with light. I could wear sunglasses at night and indoors, but society has given me a negative and judgemental opinion of that, so I don’t want to do it. Best friend pushes me to give up on that negative view for the sake of my health. Finally I listen and life feels much better, but I’m still a little uncomfortable with this change. I feel very blind with my sunglasses, but that’s the only way to not feel pain. And now I feel blind when I’m not wearing any light protection, but I’m in pain this way. What’s wrong with me?

And this is just my internal argument with sunglasses and light sensitivity, from age 17-22. On the other side is my struggle with “do I need a cane” from age 21-22, which goes like this-

It’s August and I’m walking through a semi-familiar but gigantic and ridiculously crowded park with a group of friends. It’s bright out and I need to wear my sunglasses. And now I’m realizing there is a dilemma. I can’t see. My sunglasses are too dark to see. But going without is painful and just as bad vision wise. BUT I CAN’T SEE! I’m scared, I’m going to run into someone or something, I’ll get lost or separated from my friends and not be able to find them. I can’t see curbs or pillars or people and the only thing keeping me safe is holding onto K, who knows my current vision situation when no one else does

And I think to myself- this day would be so much easier if I had a cane.

But I haven’t needed one before, and I don’t ‘normally’ need one. Just every time I go outside on a sunny day. I don’t need it all the time, so I can’t have one, I’m fine.

But these things keep happening, where I’m outside and terrified but I think I’m still “sighted” and my only problem is some light sensitivity and not-super-great sunglasses. My glasses let me see 20/20 (or they did, which they did not a year later) so I definitely don’t need a cane at all.

Young past self, you were so wrong. You needed that.

Eventually I had a breaking point when one year later I’m seeing 20/50 with best correction (so, by legal definitions I’m not even visually impaired yet) but I’m terrified of leaving my house and can’t travel alone and am a literal danger to myself because I can’t see and can’t tell people I can’t see because of social anxiety and internalized ableism-

And the breaking point was that I finally got seriously hurt because I was in a situation where I couldn’t see and wasn’t brave enough to ask my current company to be a sighted guide. That’s the day I ordered a cane, and when it came two weeks ago, I finally remembered what it’s like to not be so terrified for my life every time I left my home.

Your character will over time find problems with her daily life that she didn’t have before, and she’ll deal with each one individually, but with all of them will usually be a repeating thought pattern that is unique to her. It depends on her internalized ableism and society’s ableism (and that era is full of it) and accommodations available to them at the time (also not great).

She’ll solve each problem at a different point that may coincide with other problems and yet still seem like entirely separate problems to them. Like how I wouldn’t relate my need for sunglasses and my need for a cane at the same time because they felt like separate battles to me with their own timelines and similar but still different thought processes.

You will have to decide on a case by case basis what accommodations or accessibility she can have at that time.

 Society’s view on blindness:

It’s shit.

It’s not great now, in the world of information available at your fingertips. It’s desperately worse in history.

 (TW: abuse of disabled people mentioned -thoroughly- in the next two paragraphs)

Everyone with a disability was treated like shit. Sensory disabilities (Deaf or Blind or Deafblind people) and mental illness were treated the worst. There is historical religious persecution against them, saying that they were made ill by the devil or a vengeful God. Which lead to abuse. They were seen as helpless or unproductive, defective, and so were treated as burdens upon their family and society. Because of this, abuse from parents and family members was horribly common for disabled people. Disabled people were often left in asylums by their family members because they were seen as a burden, where there was usually still more abuse to come.

There are still children with disabilities who are abused by their parents, families, care givers, or any facility they’ve been placed in. The cases of abuse are less, but by no means over.

 Ableism in general is just rampant and it’s only cured through the distribution of information. Most people (today) have never met a blind person in real life, had a conversation with one. Through the internet they can find information, but in pre-internet and media eras I can’t imagine how much ignorance runs about.

Most people think blindness is something that only happens with old age, birth defects, or tragic accidents. Or that blindness is obvious in a person. Not the case, as we both know, but certainly a cause for many misunderstandings.

 This section is where the development of technology and understanding of blind people begins, but there’s still some ugly history involving abuse of the disabled to come.

Technology and History

 (TW: abuse towards historical disabled people in next paragraph)

In 1785 the Institut National des Jeunes Aveugles, the world’s very first school for the blind was established in Paris, France. It was opened internationally to children who society had previously deemed unteachable. Valentin Haüy witnessed acts of bullying and cruelty done to blind hospice patients and it inspired him to attempt teaching a blind beggar. He taught the boy to read through raised letters (because Braille was not yet invented). The school he founded could better be described as a trade school, because its primary purpose was to teach work skills like letter press and weaving (going back to Valentin’s childhood, whose family worked as weavers)

Due to criminal activity (he was labeled as a terrorist related to the French Revolution and was a member of the Panthéon Club) he was forced to leave the school in 1802. He later moved to Russia (1806) and began a new school upon the request of Alexander I of Russia.

(TW: child abuse mention in next paragraph)

After his leave, the school had a change in leadership and location, and subsequently quality. Sébastien Guillié became the new director and was later forced to leave because of the inhumane conditions of the facility and welfare of the children. Those children lived in a French Revolution prison that was refurbished as an asylum/school for their education. It was cold and dirty. They were kept in the dark, only allowed to bathe once a month, and poorly fed. This went on until 1821 when he was forced to leave.

Louis Braille (the inventor of Braille) was a student of the school until Guillié’s reign of terror.

The school was later moved to Boulevard des Invalides, and it remains there today. Information with this school is hard for me to access. It doesn’t have the prettiest history, so I can only speculate how much was left out of the books to save the school, and what information I could access is in French.

However, back to Braille.

Braille was invented by Frenchman Louis Braille in 1824. Before his invention, he was taught to read through raised lettering, and he concluded that raised lettering was impractical because-

1.       It is difficult to read, the letters had to be printed in huge font to be fully felt out and printed on thick paper.

2.       Thick paper means higher quality, more expensive. Larger font means more paper is needed for a single text.

3.       This made it inaccessible due to expense and the sheer volume of a text.

4.       If today’s Braille books are hard to access and giant compared to traditional books, I can’t imagine how inaccessible those raised letter books really were

 Five years later The Perkins School for the Blind was founded in America, making education accessible to blind and deafblind children, and this time it focused on reading and mathematics, more education than trade school.

Though it would not have been possible for your character to attend the school herself, it could be possible that she became acquainted with a teacher or former student of either school, who might have passed on some O&M skills to her or some not so pleasant tales.

Side note: the Perkins Brailler (a typewriter machine for Braille) was developed by a wood working teacher at the Perkins School for the Blind – in 1951, so not applicable to your character’s time period, but I didn’t know this, so I must info-dump

 This is before the eugenics movement of 20th century America, when the belief that people with “poor breeding” should be prevented from breeding. The eugenics movement targeted not only the disabled, but lower class and people of color.

  The white cane as an accessibility tool was not “discovered” until the 1930’s by Philip Strong, who painted his walking stick white to make himself more visible. This piece of history is a little flimsy in my opinion. Techniques are discovered and lost and rediscovered all the time. You can’t prove he was the first person to “wave a stick” in front of him to find obstacles.

But he is credited for making the white cane something that could be a standard identifier to tell people (moving obstacles) “hey, I’m blind, don’t hit me with your loud vehicle” and made a movement of other people getting white canes to identify themselves.

I very much thank him for it, seeing as I’m so sighted-passing sometimes. If white canes weren’t standard everyone-must-know-what-this-means sort of thing, I think people would just watch me “wave a stick” around and think I’d lost my mind.

(TW: suicide of disabled character mention in next paragraph)

So when you see something like in Downton Abby (season 2) when Thomas and Sybil are trying to teach a blinded soldier how to use a cane to navigate… it could be possible, something that actually occurred to some people then. Although, now that I think about it, that character killed himself by the end of the episode and that still upsets me.

Downton Abby got the period-typical ableism right, I will give them that. Both the internalized ableism as well as how strangers treat you, they got that right. What they did to their disabled characters still bothers me (i.e. death and cure subplots)

(TW has been lifted, you made it past.)

But with World War 1, there was a huge number of blinded veterans entering the world and that did make way for big changes in the world of blindness-

Within a few decades guide dogs were being trained, white canes were becoming a thing, Schools for the Blind were thinking, “hey, maybe we should teach adults these skills too!” and life continued on until it eventually reached out modern world. Which, not applicable to your era, but I think it’s important to know what wasn’t available or common knowledge for your character.

If anyone has other information about historical fiction, the Victorian era, and historical ableism and disability, please feel free to reblog with your input and I’ll reblog it.

As always, this post can be found on my blog through the tags: reference, blind character, historical fiction

[star-anise]

I think I am having vicarious stress about how immagrint families are being treated at the American border too. Also other horrors happening in America though I live in Canada. How do you cope with that? If this question is annoying or personal you dont have to answer. Is it weird to feel post election stress after the 2016 election although I am not American? I heard American college kids had almost ptsd levels of trauamtic stress after the election in America.

It’s funny, today I was on the phone with a grad school friend who does front-line crisis mental health work in the USA, and grew up being heavily involved in the Democratic Party. She said, “I have such an issue with this rhetoric now, like, ‘don’t look away.’ Bitch, I haven’t looked away for two years. I’m fucking exhausted.” Because things like that are intended for the people who do look away, who are conservative and apathetic, but often they only reach an audience that is already engaged with the issue, and they land like hammers on people already trying their hardest.

And yes, freaking out about the shit that goes down in the USA is a fine old Canadian tradition. To quote Pierre Trudeau’s 1969 comments to the US president at the time: “Living next to you is in some ways like sleeping with an elephant. No matter how friendly and even-tempered is the beast, if I can call it that, one is affected by every twitch and grunt.”

(And Canadian politics are definitely negatively affected by the USA. My province just lost its NDP government because its Conservatives “aren’t as bad as those crazies down south!” and I have a sinking feeling the Cons will cakewalk to federal victory too in October)

You might also notice that on my blog, I post about political issues in only a small number of cases: 1) I have a unique observation I think needs to be added to the world, 2) It’s an issue I genuinely haven’t seen covered yet, and I know people who would want to know; 3) It’s a feel-good story meant to comfort people who are fighting the good fight; 4) It’s advertising an immediate, low-barrier thing people can do right away to directly affect the situation; 5) It’s a resource to help those fighters be better activists. And I do my best to always tag political posts with a standard set of tags to let people ignore them, so if somebody wants, they can follow me and just get my cats’n’fandom content.

The audience I usually have in mind when I blog are people like my friends: Smart, compassionate people committed to social activism, but without limitless amounts of money, health, time, or attention. Some of the people who follow my blog are DC lobbyists directly fighting the Trump administration’s policies. Some of them are crisis workers and EMTs and librarians and deal with the ragged edges of human existence in today’s society. I know I don’t have the nerves or capacity to be their news source; they can follow anyone else on Tumblr for that. So what I try to be is the friendly cat cafe they can go to at the end of a long shift to relax.

My response is really guided by a blog I followed a lot when 9/11 happened; I was following it to learn about getting published as a fantasy author, but its authors were New Yorkers and socialists and military veterans, and they had a lot to say about the false witch hunt for a justification for starting a war in Iraq in 2003 and the slow erosion of rights and freedoms of Americans and “enemy” POWs and the incredible damage the American war machine does when it gets going.

They’re not blogging as much now, but when Trump was elected, they released two posts that I found to be deeply useful:

Defense in Depth - Tl;dr: It is important that those of us in resistance to the world’s outrages don’t attack each other for having different priorities, because we need a diversity of targets and approaches.

Taking It Back - Tl;dr: Our enemies WANT us to be overwhelmed and horrified and frozen in shock and catatonic. That is a deliberate tactic they use. Whenever we seem to catch our breath, they create a new outrage for us to get upset over. We need to learn how to set our own pace, resist the lie that you have to be upset and horrified all the time, and focus on taking care of yourself.

I’m also really affected by Rebecca Solnit’s book “Hope in the Dark” where she points out that activist movements have two effects. The first is to influence whatever issue they’re actually agitating about. The second is to give people the tools and experience they need to become citizens who change their societies in deep and enduring ways.

One part of the problem is finding ways that you can make the world better that feel really concrete and achievable. That’s a whole other discussion, that depends a lot on what you’re good at, what your resources are, what you’re capable of. People feel a lot less terrified if there’s something they know they can do. 

But even once you’ve figured out how you’re fighting to make the world better in some small way, you probably can’t do it 24/7; you’ve got to keep mentally resilient the rest of the time.

So what do I do to cope?

I focus on easy-to-do, ordinary hobbies that bring me joy, especially ones that get me off my computer and out of my head. I garden; I just bought a bike; I’m getting my sewing room back in order so I can go back to making costumes and working on the @betterbinderproject.

I make sure I keep social connections where we can relax and enjoy each other. That means being codependent with my cat, babysitting my nieces and nephews, exploring my local bi/pan meetups, going to historical re-enactment events, texting with my friends about Tumblr drama, talking to my colleagues during slack moments at work, and enjoying the fandoms and fanworks that bring me joy.

I do my best to look after my physical wellbeing. Which for me means stretching, yoga, taking my psych meds and vitamins, taking painkillers, looking after my cuticles, using moisturizer, braiding my hair, getting massages, and always making sure there’s a cake in the kitchen. My emphasis isn’t whether I’ll get some disease 30 years from now; it’s making sure that inhabiting my body today is the least unpleasant that it has to be.

I try to look after myself; I go to therapy, look for jobs, keep up on my business paperwork, budget my money, work on upgrading my skills, and develop my 5-year plan. I work really hard on doing this without being stressed, because my habit of procrastinating and only getting around to this stuff when I’m in abject terror isn’t good.

I also, and this feels weird to say or suggest, try to educate myself on issues that are not the crisis du jour. I watch TV shows about the Russian revolution, listen to books about Indigenous language reclamation, read the diary of a World War II servicewoman. This isn’t an attempt to expand my list of crises to worry about, but because I find my ability to cope with the present immeasurably helped by knowing that people have faced other, different crises, and how they dealt with them. It’s… background research in resilience. With the added bonus that it helps me stay intersectional and aware of when we might be only seeing the most privileged part of a crisis situation.

[your-brilliant-lady-m]

South Korean music industry at a glance: an outsider perspective

I watched one particular AMV last week. The song used for the video was “I’m afraid” by Korean rock band DAY6. I was pleasantly surprised as someone who values lyrics in song first and foremost. The music itself was great. I’ll listen to their songs again. It’s a nice fit for my music taste. Naturally, YouTube’s algorithm decided that I’m a fan of everything Korean after 1 video and started spamming my recommendations with k-pop songs, documentaries and everything in-between. 

I watched a couple of videos, listened to some songs and discovered fascinating patterns. So, I went down to the comment section. And it was rather interesting experience, should I say? The concept of entertainment industry in South Korea simply begged to be explored more after this. I dug deeper and visited Tumblr k-pop tags and briefly glanced upon Instagram and Twitter. And, oh...

I am a big picture person and I enjoy both studying and creating systems. This one was particularly fun to explore. I discovered a lot of new things for myself. Perhaps, you can discover something new for yourself too or take a step back and look at this from a new angle. 

Disclaimer: it’s impossible not to offend someone on Tumblr, so keep that in mind. That being said, I do NOT intend to insult of offend anyone. It’s just a little research done for fun, because I love research with a purpose. This post is NOT A HATE post. No hate intended for fans, artists or other people involved. It’s meant to be a discussion, nothing more and nothing less. If it sounds like hate, it’s just my sarcastic sense of humour.

Content Warning: I mention suicide, death, depression, rape in a couple of sentences. There’s nothing major or graphic, but it’s there. 

In this long post I decided to share with you my opinion, a so-called outsider perspective, on the world of music entertainment industry in South Korea and people involved in it on different levels. I use the word “outsider” mainly because, that’s exactly what I am in this case, as someone who is in no way involved in k-pop community. I can’t name you a single band or their members. I don’t know any solo artist and can’t neither sing nor name you any song. 

And to be completely honest, I don’t think I will set my foot into k-pop fan-circles ever again after everything I saw. 

Think of this as “In this essay I will...” meme, except there’s an actual essay.

As far as I know, in South Korea “k-pop” refers to all music produced in SK, including solo artists, various bands, singers-songwriters. It doesn’t even have to be pop music. Koreans include in this definition all genres of music. However, around the world “k-pop” means primarily music made by idol groups and bands marketed for children, teenagers and younger people. In this post I use the latter definition, because that’s how most people understand “k-pop” in other countries. Therefore, my statements, opinions and conclusions here would concern only idol music. 

The music industry in South Korea is heavily influenced by culture and traditions of the country, just like all things are. And there’s nothing wrong with that. After all, different backgrounds are what makes people so interesting and unique. However, when combined with consumer mindset, desire to generate profit at any cost and fast-paced nature of modern life these neutral cultural elements could produce something concerning, and it can lead to disastrous consequences. 

1. Idol

These people are called artists, musicians, singers, bands, groups, performers. In South Korea and in Japan, however, people call them Idols or Stars. I’ve also seen Muses, Princes and Queens. Interesting, isn’t it? The terminology used to describe these musicians in South Korea is one of the key elements in this whole entertainment system. You’ll see why.

But who or what is an idol exactly? Let’s take a basic definition from Wikipedia.

“In the practice of religion, a cult image or devotional image is a human-made object that is venerated or worshipped for the deity, person, spirit or daemon ... that it embodies or represents. In several traditions, including the ancient religions of Egypt, Greece and Rome, and modern Hinduism, cult images in a temple may undergo a daily routine of being washed, dressed, and having food left for them. Processions outside the temple on special feast days are often a feature. Religious images cover a wider range of all types of images made with a religious purpose, subject, or connection. In many contexts "cult image" specifically means the most important image in a temple, kept in an inner space, as opposed to what may be many other images decorating the temple.

The term idol is often synonymous with worship cult image. In cultures where idolatry is not viewed negatively, the word idol is not generally seen as pejorative, such as in Indian English.”

Cambridge Dictionary defines idol as follows:

And here’s the definition from Oxford Dictionary: 

This is a centrepiece of this tapestry. Surely, you have noticed by now what these definitions have in common. 

Idol = a cult image of a god, a deity 

By calling these musicians “idols” industry makes society and audience treat them in certain way, namely as gods. What characteristics do gods possess? They are beautiful, talented, funny, confident and graceful, blessed by eternal youth of immortality. Gods have no flaws, they do not bleed, they are above human concerns. They are an embodiment of perfection. They are stars, you could not reach. 

But real people are not like that. They can be sad and angry, insecure. People don’t have perfectly symmetrical faces. They can’t dance in sync without preparation. They can’t sing like angels at any given moment throughout the day.

What happens when idols accidentally reveal their humanity? What happens when people see, that they make mistakes and do stupid things, that they need to train hard to appear graceful on stage? 

I will tell you. And it’s not pretty. But, first, let’s look at other elements of this system. 

2. Y/N and Self-insert fantasy

Aside from the music, K-pop sells the self-insert fantasy to the audience. It’s carefully arranged to appear real, where the cracks are masked and every word is scripted. The reality is so vivid that one doesn’t even have to use imagination all that much, because all scenarios and decorations already exist. Countless interviews for TV and magazines, fan meetings, talk shows, reality shows made sure people are privy to all juicy details of personal lives and opinions of musicians. And also one word - merchandise. Some of that merch made me question my life choices. Some of it is, ah, creepy or has weird vibes. All of this provides plenty of material for people to work with. Fans can effortlessly imagine themselves beside their idols or even in their place. 

In a highly competitive society, where people throw themselves into studying and work since young age, forming deep and lasting connections with others is very hard, sometimes impossible. As a result, people long to have a group of close friends with similar interests, a loving partner who would cherish them endlessly. People want to be rewarded for their backbreaking efforts to succeed by the carefree life of fame and music, everlasting friendships and love. And in a way you can’t really blame them for his. 

Does this dream life sound familiar? We are looking at K-pop bands here. It doesn’t really matter if their members don’t always get along or that they can live in debt, that fame is fickle and adoring fans can tear your self-confidence to shreds. Audience wants the glamour of fantasy and the industry is more than happy to cater to these desires. 

Perhaps, knowing that even for idols this fantasy is sometimes unattainable makes the whole set up feel just a little cruel. 

3. Fans, stans and fandom culture

We’ve already established earlier that idols are gods in the eyes of people and listed traits they must possess. So, what else do gods need to exist? Worshippers. Because a cult is worth nothing without its followers. Gods need a group of people to worship them and spread their beliefs. The role of worshippers is performed by a fans in this case. 

Apparently, there is a running joke that girl groups need to win a general public popularity and boy bands need a big passionate fandom. It seems to be true according to my observations. 

In k-pop fandom people use the word “stan” to state that they like or support particular group. Now, I am sure everyone here knows that in other fandoms, dedicated to movies, shows, books and games there’s an important distinction between being a “fan” and a “stan”. What is it? 

A fan is someone who likes a ship or character, creates and/or consumes fandom content, supports certain ideas, discusses things they enjoyed and disliked, criticises canon. Stans, however, are a different breed. They engage in all typical fandom activities, but their support and enjoyment becomes obsession. Stans believe their favourite characters and ships are immune to criticism, that they are superior no matter what others say. Stans start shipping wars, send anon hate, death threats over fictional characters and hurt real people. Stans are considered toxic fans. And majority of normal civilised people don’t like them and try their best to let stans hang out in their echo chamber by themselves. 

In other fandoms and communities, to be a fan means to love, support and enjoy something, while to stan means to obsess over and hyperfixate on these same things. Words “I stan” rarely mean “I support” for most people, and if they do mean that, it’s only used in a joking manner (”We stan procrastination legend!”, “I stan our miscommunication kings”).

Everywhere else “stan” has only negative connotations, except in k-pop. But what has changed? What’s the difference? Why do international fans scoff at “shipper stans” and then turn around calling themselves “stans of X k-pop group” at the same time? Does it make you wonder? 

And this is another core theme of k-pop, in my opinion. In fandom where stan = obsession = support, you can see interesting patterns. 

Fandom loves their flawless gods. But watching them from afar is not enough for some people, because unlike deities in different religions, these gods live among us. People are very much aware of that. Industry has created a cult and laid the groundwork for worshippers to express their adoration in every way including personal contact. And who wouldn’t want to meet their god? Who wouldn’t want to know more about them or tell them how much you love them? In talk shows and fan meetings there is only so much one can do after all.

People desire to know more, to have more so much that their obsession transforms into concerning stalker tendencies. These crazy individuals follow idols, stalk them on social media, in hotels, research flight numbers, bribe security. Musicians were attacked and poisoned. I strongly suspect there were cases of rape that no one knows about. There is even a special term for these fans - “sasaeng”. 

Is there a definition for stalkers of actors or musicians in western world? No, I’m pretty sure there isn’t. They are just called “invasive/obsessive fans” or “stalkers”.

Also, there are sasaeng memes. Yeah, you heard that right. I enjoy some classy dark humour as much as the next person, but there is a fine line between normal and questionable. 

Back to the topic of stalkers. Do you realise how disturbing that is? Such behaviour is so common that there is a term for it. You create a fandom-cult, encourage people to worship k-pop idols as gods and then act surprised when members of said cult become fanatics and their adoration becomes obsession.

And it’s so easy to step on this slippery road. The system makes it ridiculously easy. Lines begin to blur. How much is too much? Where do you draw the line? 

While sasaeng fans engage in extreme real-life obsession, people online aren’t that far off, to be honest. I’ve seen it all: imagines, headcanons, fanfiction, real-person shipping, reactions. Real person shipping is a controversial topic. Some people support it, others don’t. I suppose I’m among those who don’t get it. I’m not exactly against it, but I find it strange. Mainly because it’s based on assumptions made by fans about personalities and behaviour of real people. 

Assumptions. Dear me! K-pop fandom has this thing with video compilations. I’ve never seen this phenomenon being so widespread in any other community or fandom. Basically people edit together a collection of short clips from talk-shows, interviews, Instagram stories, some YouTube videos, etc and then proceed to analyse every gesture, word, facial expression of idols and provide both audio and on-screen commentary. These videos and many other forms of similar analysis allow people to imagine what kind of personalities idols have, what kind of life do they live. It’s the source material for fanfiction, imagines and headcanons. 

But it’s not real. It’ll never be real. It’s an illusion, an image, a stage persona. They fall in love with a face and made up personality. And I think that when people create this content they can forget this. Fans can develop certain emotional dependence and unhealthy attitudes in the long run. In some YouTube comments even supportive and encouraging words sound whiny and obsessive. And semantics of being a “stan” of certain group or individual doesn’t help. 

4. Industry, companies and liars 

At last we arrive at the most important aspect of music entertainment industry - its creators.

Have you seen “The Road to El Dorado”? It’s one of my all time favourites. It has iconic characters, adult jokes that I didn’t get as a child and iconic soundtrack. I’ll quote “It’s Tough To Be A God” a lot here. 

In South Korea music industry is a factory, the production line to be exact. This kind of set up affects everything in the grand scheme of things. Companies and agencies play the role of training centres and record labels. And there are so many of them that a whole new scamming system developed based around fake idol agencies. It implies that there are people who fall for offers of these agencies and continue to do so. I suspect that victims must pay a fortune upfront before they realise their mistake. Are there any kind of legal protection against such scams? How can people verify the authenticity? Because a well masked scam can exist for a long time before someone discovers it and calls them out on their nonsense. 

As far as I understand legal companies work like this. After high school, which is often focused on performing arts (and private schools can get away with using talents of students for personal gain, which is totally not surprising), young people can audition for an agency and become an idol in training or idol-trainee. And passing audition is hard. But good recommendations can help, connections too. 

During training you don’t get paid. Only a few companies pay aspiring musicians. People can spend years in training and don’t debut. But rent, necessities, clothing and food (not that you need much of it, but more on that later) cost a lot. Where do you get the money to live then? Support from parents, one or two part time jobs at most and bank loans. Surprise! We found an unexpected (just kidding, it’s very obvious) party, who reaps benefits from the system. 

You need skill to be an idol. Natural talent helps too. The more skills you have, the cheaper and faster your training is. To level up your game you attend classes every month offered by your agency, which are not cheap (dance classes range from 400$ to 1000$ per month, sometimes more). There are four main categories in evaluation process: vocals, rapping, dancing and visuals. Idols are multitaskers, to have a chance on stage one must be perfect at everything. And people are ready to invest thousands of dollars into their kids training so that they could have a chance in entertainment industry. South Korea thrives on revenue k-pop industry generates every day.

Let’s pause here for a second and think about what kind of people come to these agencies. The answer is easy. People who have a dream, a desire, a real goal. You don’t wake up one day and decide to become a k-pop idol. Sometimes people get invited by agencies (after prior acting, modelling career or any other form of exposure). These people are usually very young. Some start straight after high school, some after university, but 25 years old is considered a late start. Compare that to western musicians who start singing at any age and still become famous. 

But why this age limit? Because idols are eternally young. So that in public eye musicians are remembered as 20 year old gods. People would listen to their music and imagine a young attractive face. Career in k-pop is short, it lasts 5-7 years, rarely longer than that. It’s even less than modelling or acting can offer. And professional sportsmen retire in their late 30′s. Some play longer, but usually, that’s it.

If you live in Los Angeles and say that you want to be an actor or performer, no one would bat an eye. It’s like saying that you want to be an engineer or accountant. Similarly, in South Korea becoming an k-pop musician is a real career. Because part of the self insert fantasy that the industry sells is the idea that anyone can be an idol. It’s easy after all. Anyone can pass auditions and become a trainee. A trainee with no guarantee of debut. But one should never underestimate the power of idol-dream. After all, idea is the most resilient parasite.   

“My friends started training in kindergarten. They have wanted to become idols since young”

“A lot of young kids get interested in Korean music” 

A 6-year old child sees the performance of k-pop group for the first time on TV. Let’s say it’s a girl. She is enraptured and decides that she will be like that too someday. She grows up, while being part of the fandom, just like all idols are in one way or another and whose fan-obsession transforms into desire to succeed. Her parents spend time and money to find her tutors, to fund dancing and singing classes. Perhaps in high school this girl decides to fix the shape of her eyes and make nose straighter. She trains hard and passes the auditions in her dream agency. And during training this girl faces the reality of behind the scenes life in music industry.

“Why are you crying? I’m not even pushing you”

“How many times have I told you? The rest are doing it perfectly”

“She is dancing like an elementary school student“

“I watched your performance as a spectator who bought a ticket to your concert. I want a refund“

“You make my ears hurt. I don’t want to listen at all”

“Listening to you was tiring”

“I’ll kick you out instead. You won’t debut”

“I thought I was going to die. That’s how determined I was” 

While I do understand that keeping a high quality standards in media industry is important, there are more productive and healthy ways to motivate someone to improve and be more passionate, you know? Constantly insulting people with sadistic glee and putting them down at every opportunity or calling them ugly to their face doesn’t do much. 

Do you think that children know about this? Do they know about soulless teachers and belittling managers? Do they know about friends who are really your competition, so you shouldn’t get attached? Do they know about living in debt? Do they know any of this? No, I don’t think they do. 

Children dream about the stage, about the sea of lights and crowds who chant your names. They want adoring fans and photoshoots. They want to appear on TV and magazine covers. Teenagers want the thrill of performance, they want to share their music and dancing with others. 

“I don’t know how many times I cried alone”

The truth is cruel. But they won’t give up easily even if it means sleeping 4-5 hours and consuming no more than 500 calories per day. Because giving up means that your whole life was a lie. One can’t afford not to be good enough. Giving up means admitting that all efforts and money your family invested into your dream were in vain. It means losing face before your family and friends - a fate worse than death. Imagine living this idol dream and building your whole future around it and then being told that you’ll never debut because of the circumstances outside of your control or something minor, like face shape or 1 kg of weight that your body refuses to lose. It can break you. Especially if you are like 18 or something. 

5. “And who am I to bridle if I'm forced to be an idol If they say that I'm a God, that's what I am”

“I don’t think there’s anything a tough as being a trainee in Korea”

Once you are a trainee at the agency your personal life does not belong to you anymore. You can’t go out without permission of the agency. You phone is taken away. Your diet and weight are monitored. Bad habits are not allowed (no smoking, drinking or drugs). Oh! I think I found the good thing in the system! Unfortunately, it won’t last. Trainees can’t date or meet with family without permission of agency. Dating is very taboo. Even established idols can’t openly date. 

Why is that? Because gods can’t belong to anyone. Their lives are property of the fandom. Because openly dating idols destroy the self-insert fantasy. There was a former idol girl who dated another musician. She was called a whore by her fans, her loving and adoring stans. You might know who I am talking about. Would you call an American actor or singer a prostitute for dating someone?

Trainees sign the contract. And how can a young person straight out of school or university know much about what makes a good contract in entertainment industry or what makes a good contract in general? Even if you do understand the terms fully you would still sign it because if you have come so far, you can’t let your dream slip this easily. There isn’t a choice. Not really. If you want to debut, you will agree to anything.

What about life after debut? You have to pay off your loans. And company takes 60-70% of your group’s earnings. Artists themselves get 30-40% and split it between themselves. K-pop groups have from 5 to 10 members or more than that. Each person gets less than 6%. Idols are not filthy rich. They are not. These earnings are practically nothing compared to the work you have put into this. 

Idols are musicians, who often don’t even write their own songs, music or create choreography. But if public doesn’t like the song and musical number the company created, they blame idols for the failure. Such an amazing logic we see right here. But people say that sharing music is the best part of idol life. But whose music? 

Models on catwalk are not there to demonstrate their physical beauty, they are blank canvas for works of clothing designers. Same with k-pop musicians. They act like puppets in a way, whose faces and voices are used to show audience someone’s music and songs. Some groups do write their own music and lyrics and it’s nice to know that. But those, who don’t are rather unfortunate. It’s a nice tool of psychological control and pressure for an agency. They can hold it over group and use the following rhetoric: “We gave you everything! Why can’t you follow the simple instructions” or “Where would you be without us? It’s not even your music!”

I called k-pop industry a factory. That’s true. Dozens of people become trainees every year. These talented young people are fully prepared to do anything to achieve their goal. They are ready to practice until they collapse, starve themselves and pour themselves into every song. Companies know that. Tell me why would they value their idols as individuals, as people, as human beings if they always have a replacement? Why bother with mental health of their artists if next year they could have a fresh set of people, who are younger and prettier? Why try to improve relationships inside groups if you could fire any member and replace them within a month or two?

In western countries famous bands have different stories. Some were friends since high school, who played in bars and during festivals and then they were noticed by some representative of label company, who offered them a contract. Some groups were formed by like-minded people who bonded and decided to share their music with the world. There are many stories, but ultimately the have one thing in common. Bands in the West often form themselves. These people had time to bond, connect, discover each other, solve some disagreements and learn to work around their differences. 

K-pop groups are formed by their agencies. They are their property in a way. Company selects the best and puts together these total strangers, appoints the leader with marketable face and personality and then expects them to work together like a well-oiled machine. No one has time to bond during training, because other people are you competition, not friends. And then you must learn to work as a team and be best friends on camera for the audience to support the self-insert fantasy. It’s no wonder that k-pop groups don’t get along sometimes. And every member knows that they are replaceable. It doesn’t help in forming connections. Groups can’t just terminate contract and go to work with another agency. I heard it happens sometimes, but it’s not a done thing. Unlike in other countries where bands just sign the deal with a different label and release their music under their name if they don’t like the old conditions. 

“It's tough to be a God But if you get the people's nod Count your blessings, keep them sweet, that's our advice Be a symbol of perfection Be a legend, be a cult Take their praise, take a collection As the multitudes exalt Don a supernatural habit We'd be crazy not to grab it So sign up two new Gods for paradise”

But is it really a paradise?

Idols are expected to act cute, to match personalities created for them by fans or media. They have to act according to the concept of their group. They have to be a symbol of perfection: skinny, single and with a face perfected by surgery. They are allowed to mess up, but only in a cute way. They can break down and cry, but only if it’s “aesthetic”.

Weight issues are a separate topic. Sometimes I wonder whether managers in companies understand how weight loss or human body in general works. To be honest, I think that scales in agencies are rigged. And only managers know that. I know it can be done from personal experience. Some beach resorts tweak their scales and make them show 4-6 kg less than actual weight, so people wouldn’t get upset if they gain some. There is no way a girl as tall as I am (173 cm) could weigh like 47-50 kg and be able to perform complex choreography on stage and sing without being out of breath, visit the gym on a regular basis and generally function as a normal human without fainting every other day.

“I developed a lot of eating disorders”

“I think I consumed about 300 calories today“

“Someone, please, trim the fat off her arms”

If you grow up thinking of idols as gods and then, when you become one of them you think that you must act as one too. But being an easily replaceable god is a heavy burden. The industry, companies and audience want you to be perfect, to always be on your best behaviour. And the thought of not being good enough or divine enough terrifies you, because stans have no mercy (black ocean concept is the most stupid thing ever by the way). This kind of pressure can destroy even the most resilient. And it does. 

Almost everyone knows that situation with mental health in South Korea is not the best to put it lightly. In many ways it’s a cultural thing. But in k-pop mental health issues are treated with even less care. Gods are not supposed to be depressed or suicidal. They are not supposed to have fears or insecurities, can’t be upset or angry. They try hard to be this deity, this image. So, even when they realise they need professional help or even a friend to talk to, they either won’t seek said help or reach out only to be met with silence. Some agencies disapprove or forbid therapy altogether. 

Sometimes fandom becomes self-aware.

“Don’t forget that idols are people too!”

“Your favourite idols are running out of breath just to keep you entertained“

“They are humans, who have feelings!”

Oh, but here’s the thing, my friend. The industry doesn’t want you to think of them as people. Companies and media repeatedly reinforce the idea that they are not people, they are your idols. And strangely enough, the audience supports this idea. People continue to call them idols, developing worshiping tendencies in the process, imitate them, scrutinise their flaws and triumphs. Because, you know, only “real and ordinary humans” can have flaws, not “idols”.

So people who say “they are human too” and people who say “wow, this concert was amazing, but vocals in the beginning were so off-key, I simply can’t” are one and the same.

This thought process would have been funny if it wasn’t so disappointing. But that’s just my observation.

And here’s another thing about sexualisation. I said before how appearances are everything, marketable face and body could drastically improve your chances to succeed. Companies know about this too and concepts and aesthetics of groups are designed accordingly. Girls are dressed in skimpy outfits, their dances are unnecessary suggestive, they wear heavy make up and try to have “mature” vibes. Boys don’t avoid such objectification either: suits, tight pants and dress shirts along with make up and hairstyle to give audience a promise of the things to come. Grown adults are not supposed to lust after 15-17 year olds. You can’t just create a sexy stage persona for teenagers. Do you remember my earlier words about creepy merch? Yeah. All of it neatly plays into the self-insert fantasy and encourages obsessive behaviour. 

This happens in western countries too. In some way that’s understandable. Beautiful and sexy image with a hint of innocence attracts more people and sells, because it caters to one of the base human instincts. But some things make your skin crawl. 

Sponsorships are another topic. Some k-pop bands seek out sponsors to provide financial aid and cover expenses, when earnings are not enough. Sometimes these sponsorships are fine, perfectly civil. But sometimes it’s a prostitution. Girl groups receive money and provide sexual favours to their patrons. It’s a way for the group to gain financial support and even find new opportunities in the industry. Companies can encourage such deals. Let that sink in for a moment. 

6. “Any advice to those who want to become a k-pop idol?”

A lot of former idols and trainees have similar responses to this question. 

“I don’t want to discourage anyone, but think twice”

“You only see the glamorous side, but don’t see all the hard work that goes into it”

“It’s not what you think”

“They think ‘Since I am good looking and can sing and dance really well, maybe I should become an idol?’, but there is much more to it“

“They think it’s something that is easy and will keep their family set for life financially”

And this implies that most people don’t know what kind of lifestyle k-pop stars truly have, despite the amount of information available online about “behind the scenes” proceedings.

7. Moving on

I am a practical person and every decision I make is subjected to scrutiny. And after seeing everything I can't help but wonder whether idols believe it's truly worth it. What keeps the industry alive is the idol-dream, the wilful ignorance of its reality and youthful idealism, the beautiful naïve belief that it'll get better, even if it never does in the end.

Sure no one would ever admit it out loud, because it's one of those things you never say on camera, no matter how sincere you have to be. It's the matter of professionalism after all, and idols have it spades. And also, because admitting this would equal admitting that you spent your best years doing something you both loved and hated, admitting that this was a mistake.

When you grow up in a society where appearances matter the most, where saving face and being polite is more important than staying true to yourself, where individuality is tolerated only to a certain point, it takes a lot of courage to admit that you need a break. I greatly respect those who decided that idol lifestyle is not for them and moved on.

8. Conclusion

To sum up, I hope you enjoyed my small research and this perspective, since you have read it all the way to the end.  

You have noticed that entertainment industry is an intricate system and its every component makes sure nothing changes. Companies have power over idols and audience, fandom has power over idols and their careers, and musicians themselves have fame and their music, but not always the promised fortune or happiness. 

It’s important to understand the big picture to draw your own conclusions and encourage positive and heathy attitudes in fandoms. Being open minded and allowing people to make mistakes and live their lives the way they want to is a part of being a decent person. People don’t owe anything to others. Art is about sharing your thoughts and feelings, promoting ideas and spreading beauty. It’s not always about money. And I think that this is what k-pop lacks as an industry. It turned dreams and human need for self-expression into business. Here everything is turned into a product. Everything idols touch can be sold, sometimes literally. Industry created problems, which can’t be solved anymore, because doing so would topple the system. And I find it tragic. Trapped in an endless chase after perfection creators of k-pop forgot that beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. 

If you take a look at comment sections and posts on different platforms, what will you see? What kind of things resonate with audience? What makes people laugh and cry? When people start to appreciate the substance?

“Everyone needs to hear this song in their darkest moments”

“Thank you for your music!”

“They always deliver! These guys can’t make a bad song!”

“It inspired me to write again!”

“Their songs brought me and my sister together once again”

“This is what happens when you let groups write their own music - they make incredible things”

“They really are legends of k-pop! I love that they are not afraid to show their inner strength”

“Stay strong! You rock!”

I believe that the answer is quite simple: when it’s real, sincere. It’s all about the message you choose to send to your audience, because only superficial things cause obsession. When you say that the sparkly façade is all that matters, then that’s the only thing people will ever care about. Your audience will never give a damn about the meaning behind dancing, music or lyrics, if you tell them that performance is more important. No one would praise WHAT k-pop idols sing, instead they would prefer wasting breath to criticize HOW they sing or look or move. 

I dare the k-pop industry to prove people that it’s not just about looks or perfection, or laser shows, or being a branding machine. Prove to your fans that k-pop artists are also passionate people with big dreams and talent, who love every moment of their job, who live and inspire, who are human just like us and whose humanity is real!

Do it, you cowards!

And now, I’m finished. I can hear the raging crowd of k-pop fandom in the distance, which means it’s time to hide. See you some other time! 

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-03-12

I have been told only a few things about the upd8 that just landed, over Discord by two people:

upd19 feat. 4,901,157 read it. now. note: the featuring note is accurate if in a different base than what you might be expecting

What the fuck does that even mean.

Okay Pretty good chapter.

...from another friend who VERY dislikes HS^2?  Oh shit.

I also glimpsed a post that may or may not have been about Homestuck at all at the top of my Tumblr feed for an instant that said “YES YES YES YES YES” in huge bold print.  I have no idea whether to be excited or nervous.

Okay, it’s not a Bonus update... let me comb through from an earlier page to be careful not to get a spoilerlook at the pagecount...

...huh.  That seems... like a conversation that would be up my alley, but not necessarily unique so far or worth all this crowing about.  I thought we were about to get Dirk-aliens with a full Horschestra backing... are we getting something else?

> CHAPTER 6. A Conversation Regarding Relevance

Hmmmmmmmm.  With the contrast between their reactions and this ominous buildup, there’s got to be a serious fun-twist coming.  Right?  --I’ll stop with that talk for the moment though.

space is vast. an unproductive statement, almost a tautology. [...]

Alright, that and the starry background are riffing the fuck off Star Trek.  Nice homage to Andrew’s roots.

the lives of the many are far too volatile and instinct-driven

Alt!Callie what the fuck are you doing.  This is intentional now.  You can’t play this off as “what’s a Star Trek”.

tautologies are, in general, reserved for stories. for narrative device. for finding new and inventive ways to tell an audience that which they already know.

God damnit she’s still doing it

neither of us ever able to convince the other of the righteousness of our stance. we were never meant to agree. it isn’t in our blood.

Blah blah overanalyzing classpect blah

when they scoff at my tautology ‘space is vast’, what do they really know? nothing. as far as any of them have experienced, space does not exist.

It’s still nice to see some real personality leak through on Alt!Callie.  We definitely know from her other self that she can develop quite a relatable and colorful one.  Have the years helped?

> ==>

dramantic pouse... ........

Also,

-look at that collar.  Damn, Callie, that is a collar

very few have stood and looked into the abyss, the true gulf of nothingness that spreads out around the single point of consciousness adrift in a constellation. all the combined weight of sentient endeavour would quail underneath that sheer, irresistible truth. the realization that they are so small, that the universe cares about their puny lives so very little. sitting in the glowing light of the stars this becomes even more apparent

In the official aspect quiz I never took the time to analyze, the aspects were put on a wheel where Space was a neighbor to Void, if I recall correctly.  I wonder how much those aspects engender feelings of goddamnit I’m doing it again aren’t I

...

are we out of orange juice?

Yesss let more personality Alt!Callie bleed through, more of it~

Wait, does Alt!Callie even taste through Jade?  Isn’t this remote control?  Is she vicariously drawing pleasure from Jade’s not-just-meat-or-candy mostly-human taste buds or?

> ==>

JADE: are you talking to me? JADE: because if you are i would like to remind you that i hate!! orange juice!!

OH FUCK YES!!! SHE’S IN THERE AND AWAKE!!! SHE STILL HAS AT LEAST ENOUGH AGENCY TO BE PRESENT AND ARGUE WITH CALLIE! YESSSSSS

no you don’t.

JADE: well i guess i never really had a strong opinion on it before JADE: but now i cant stand it!! JADE: its all you drink!

i like the pulp.

QUIT INADVERTANTLY FORCING SHIT ON JADE WITH NARRATIVESPEAK GIVE HER A BIT OF LEEWAY ALT!CALLIE YOU CONTROLLING--

JADE: its my body and i dont want orange juice! JADE: i hate pulp, and i didnt just make that up to spite you JADE: who wants strings in their juice?

i do.

JADE: ughhhhhhhhh

I have had friends hopefully fantasize about and/or therapeutically roleplay this exact situation with Jade breaking through and arguing with Alt!Callie’s control to make this all a fair bit more palatable but I didn’t dare to hope we’d get even THIS much

Maybe the HS^2 authors DO care about not leaving us wallowing in hopeless witness to the characters’ constant torture and existential turbosuffering!!!! :#D

i realize that jade’s situation is less than ideal from a characterization perspective, but i still politely point out that nobody likes a whiner.

Fuck you, this isn’t CALIBORN you’re trying to repress you asshole!  Leave Jade some AGENCY!!!!!  She deserves it!!

JADE: fuck you rude calliope inside my head!

YES EXACTLY

JADE: why dont you try being possessed by the spirit of some other version of a good friend of yours, and floated around a spaceship full of people you love JADE: unable to affect anything or say hello to anyone! JADE: then tell me about whiners!

i killed my brother and consumed him.

JADE: sounds like a you problem

Compromise and give her some agency finally come on compromise and give her some agency you red-text twatwaffle

i suggest to the witch that i have spent untold eons in the void between universes, waiting for the moment i would be needed to prevent the dissipation of reality as we know it. her appeals to emotion will not help her. i will remain unmoved.

Oh god damnit.

JADE: well i had to watch my boyfriend and my brother die in front of me on a tiny scaled version of a world that i shrunk for them! JADE: and then spend the next three years talking to myself, wracked with guilt that id killed them!

Oh. God. Damnit.  This had better not be where the Suicide trigger warning was coming from.  Are there going to be any characters left who DIDN’T emerge from this mess feeling suicidal?!?  (I mean if there were any understandable case it would be three years alone on the golden ship Jade but-- I mean COME ON, we have to discuss that in our FIRST GLIMPSE at her since the epilogues?!?)

> ==>

i remind the witch that my time was in the void, which is far darker and lonelier [...]

Oh fuck you don’t compare suffering as an excuse to COMPLETELY body-enslave and squash the agency of someone when you probably don’t have to.  You’re just doing what’s COMFORTABLE alt!Callie admit it.  There’s a way you could give her some leeway, I’m almost positive.

JADE: even if i had the powers of a first guardian, my brain still worked in modules of human pattern recognition! JADE: three years is a long time for a human teenager, i dont care how many of her molecules are made of a god!

(i love it when jade talks smart, that bit of the epilogues was a treat too, plz reveal more of the big brain on jade)

It seems Jade can’t see or quite understand the full import of there being a “narrative”.  Or THINKS she cant, because she still says:

JADE: your voice is impossible to read and i cant see your face

If she’s “reading” alt!Callie’s remarks, that means she’s breaking through to understand the narrative to SOME extent.  She might be one of the ones who learns to do that a little more and better in the future, especially with alt!Callie almost unintentionally training her to see it.

> ==>

Oh, good.  So A!C’s not above being considerate.  That’s a step in the right direction.

> ==>

D’aww, Jade conceding and trying to empathize like her usual self.  I appreciate it.  :)  --but Alt!Callie’s definitely in the wrong here.

JADE: but i think it is a very natural thing to be silly when you are used to being able to control your own body, but now cant

i will allow that, yes.

Thanks.  Learn some damned reason.

jade smiles. dave and karkat will always be a source of pain for her, a low ache somewhere in her center of gravity, but she is happy for them. she knows that there is really no other alternative for how to be. they chose each other over her, and they always will. they are the two people who matter to her the most in every universe, and that will not change, no matter how much she wishes it would, no matter how--

JADE: do you actually know that?

pardon me?

Oh, shit.

JADE: do you actually know that im doomed to pine over dave and karkat across every iteration of reality? JADE: like, can you actually see that? JADE: because youre a space player, like i am. JADE: i know that you are more powerful than me, but i dont think you can see other timelines any better than i can JADE: so i think you are just being dramatic JADE: for the “audience”, whatever the heck that means

i experience a moment of unease as jade looks at me. keeping her out of my thoughts is proving to be more difficult than i had first assumed it would be.

That’s a damned interesting question.  I was giving the narrative the benefit of the doubt, but given everything the Epilogues warned us about when it came to the narrators and alt!Callie’s occasional slips into her own bias, I really should have known better.

i had begun confident that i could keep her consciousness sleeping peacefully inside the shell of her body, tamed and quiescent, but she has proved to be more irascible than i initially gave her credit for.

JADE: heheh JADE: i have never been particularly tamable, and my consciousness is huge!

This might end up playing out more like my friend’s Jade-breaks-out roleplays than I initially assumed.  (What does she mean “huge consciousness” though?  Superpowered due to part-First-Guardian, like she alluded earlier in the conversation?  That never got much play before, so it’s great to see that potential realized here a bit...)

> ==>

...I’m a fucking idiot.  Of COURSE “huge consciousness” and the whole line around it was just an unsubtle double-entendre.  A small part of me actually wondered if it was and dismissed it as a clumsy reading in an instant.  How stupid am I?  Jade is the best.

If only this sort of thing worked on Cherubs.

> ==>

Yeah.  It really doesn’t.

...Alt!Callie, you are a fucking war-criminal for bottling all these double-entendres up where none of the others can appreciate them.

> ==>

JADE: you are a pretty tough crowd, evil callie JADE: but yes, i can hear most of what you are thinking to yourself JADE: it took a little while to separate it from my own thoughts, just like it did with dirk JADE: because thats what he was doing the whole time, wasnt it? JADE: controlling our thoughts JADE: making us believe things we never would, things he thought we SHOULD believe

Fucking excellent.  She’s definitely training herself on this shit.  The more people who have a harder time getting fooled by this nonsense the better.

jade knows all of this, i don’t have to tell her. she is a very bright girl, and even if she didn’t have partial access to my thoughts, she is good at compiling data and using it to fill in gaps. as she herself had rather licentiously mentioned, her brain is quite large.

C:

and all of these reasons are why i know i can count on her to be reasonable and realistic about her situation. i need a body to continue interfacing with this timeline, and her body is the only one that will do.

Dammit.  Trying to get her to logic her way back into keeping Alt!Callie in complete control.  That’s a tactic that will probably work.  :(

what about [kanaya], jade? she is a space player, it is true, but her powers are nothing compared to yours. for one, she isn’t god tier, and for two, she is dead. a living dead, but dead nonetheless.

Hm.  Are you saying she maybe has less relevance, less of an effect on her surroundings because she spent some of her “cred” on unconventional partial resurrection?  To the extent where she’d make a less influential vessel?  Hmm.

For that to even matter, you have to be planning to use Jade’s Space powers too.  Taking a far more active role in things than narrative beacon.

and a sylph’s specializations lie on a different end of the spectrum from my own. a witch is a far closer match.

!!!!!

Sounds like details of the classpect system that we don’t know will have relevance in HS^2, and we’re indeed gonna possibly get some actual new, clearer details about the system Andrew invented unlike the dearth of new info the Epilogues brought us.  That is... promising.

no, jade understands and sympathizes with my assurance that her body, and her body alone, will do for my purposes.

JADE: um...no i dont!

YES.  Jade is now officially immune to absolute command! :D :D :D

she does. after all, she would not wish this sort of state of being on anyone else, and especially not on one of her friends. jade may have undergone a lopsided number of narrative hardships in her life, but at least she is used to them. why spread that suffering to another?

What the fucking shit???  You’re using that on her?  You think it’ll WORK?!

jade understands and accepts her place in the story, which has always been to enable events to play out around her, just as it has been mine.

..........yeah Jade’s gonna bust the fuck out on the very next page, isn’t she.

What the fuck is Alt!Callie thinking, here?  Wasn’t the other Calliope the one to let us know that the Witch is one of the most active classes there is??  ...what exactly does a Witch officially do anyway, for Alt!Callie to think saying such a thing wasn’t dead wrong?  This sounds MUCH more like the sort of statement someone might make after breezing through Homestuck and confusing the old Jade (cough) for the person she grew up into.

And the fact that you’re phrasing this as a narrative command to try and make her forcibly THINK this way deserves you a smack in the non-literal depictive face.  Let’s see if you get one:

> ==>

Oh wow, no smack yet?!  That’s some restraint!

because what is a story, truly? nothing but a series of misadventures and connections, actions spurring reactions, tumbling into one another, over and over and over. with so many competing interests, clearly the story cannot account for all perspectives, for all threads? it would be laughable, childish, even selfish, to demand that they do.

in other words, not everyone will achieve a happy ending. this is a truth that jade had come to grips with a long time ago.

JADE: wait. JADE: stop. JADE: why are you saying all of this?

Ohh.  Because she still had even MORE smackworthy stuff left to say, to make the smack even SMACKIER, didn’t she.  Alt!Callie you asshole.  If this gets you kicked out of her almost entirely and jeopardizes the crew as Jade struggles to combat Dirk’s narrative influence on her OWN, then I’m fucking blaming YOU!  Do you realize how horrible it’ll be if Dirk gets to almost singlehandedly write the whole story around her and the others for the first section of HS^2 with only one or two characters aware and trying to mentally avert it??  We already TRIED that in the Epilogues!  It was awful!

jade’s body is my vessel, and it is through this realization that she will understand her true role in the story. her true relevance.

Go fuck yourself, Alt!Callie.  Read the audience a bit!

if i released my hold on her consciousness, there would be no guarantee that i would be allowed in again. therefore i cannot permit her the control of herself that she so desperately craves, and she understands that.

THAT’S your reasoning your used-to-surpressing-Caliborn ignorant--!??

JADE: wait. so...you could give me my body back, and then just hop back in when you need to?

in theory, yes.

JADE: then what the hell callie!

because i don’t trust you to cooperate when the time comes.

MotherfuckerTheMusical.mp4

(or real existing equivalent that’s just off the top of my head)

JADE: why not? JADE: i thought you said i was a reasonable girl with a huge brain!

you are, to an extent.

she is. but the truth of the matter remains that humans are capricious and emotional. and even jade herself can admit that she hasn’t been the most...committed example of her species in the last few years.

Oh my fucking god.  I know they’re trying to make this more satisfying when she actually DOES take control in a few panels, but, Alt!Callie, seriously, get more on your other self’s level!!!

> ==>

Yes, please >:O some more

moving from lover to lover, job to job, interest to interest. over the last few years jade had found herself listless, unable to settle and unwilling to commit to anything or anyone. she knows there’s nothing wrong with that on a moral level, but on a personal level she’s always believed that she could be more, could do better. be better. and now, because of this, she realizes that sacrifices must be made.

and that she, as a space player, is uniquely built for sacrifice.

JADE: yeah JADE: i guess youre right JADE: i have been such a silly little slut! JADE: hey callie

yes, jade?

JADE: oh my god, whats that!!!!

You are so fucking screwed Alt!Callie.

this space is utterly under my control. jade could control it too, if she had any access to her own powers. but with my grip around her cortex, there is no chance of that.

(Wait, there’s an extent to which this space is “real” and not imaginary?  Or does holding her space powers in check also mean keeping her imaginary space powers in check?)

Anyway, here comes the smack.  And, though Alt!Callie deserves this, I hope Dirk isn’t let in too often amidst the others as a result.

> ==>

Yup, poising to pounce...

> ==>

I thought there was a weird infinity symbol underneath them but it’s just two spotlights and a shadow cast by her head.

and here i make my first mistake.

No you made your first mistakes WAAAY earlier in this conversation.  And what you did to Jade in general.  She’s a hero/player for a reason, she doesn’t take stuff lying down forever.

but bringing her into a place where we can both physically manifest has left me, foolishly, vulnerable.

First, physically manifest?  This isn’t pure imaginationspace?  And second, she’s going to blame her polite concession to Jade for this and hold on even tighter the next time, isn’t she.  God damnit, not looking forward to that.  Alt!Callie won’t learn her lesson til the end, will she?  :(

her fingers tear at my throat, trying to find purchase. she won’t be able to kill me here, but it is certainly unpleasant, and not to mention slightly repetitive. we just saw this in the previous chapter, although this particular fight will not end as amorously as the last one did. so don’t get your hopes up.

JADE: who! JADE: are you talking to!

I really hope Jade ends up with full narrative powerOOOOOHHHH FUCK THEY COULD GO FOR THAT HUH

Dirk was able to become an Ultimate Self in his own body because it was the uniting of an irrepressible “self” that he always unbreakably represented.  The others had more trouble.

But Jade

has a BIG PART-GOD BRAIN as reinforced in the narrative repeatedly!!

Meaning that later, SHE could Ultimate Self without ANY PHYSICAL CONSEQUENCE.  :D

I was hoping Jade would end up with full narrative-dictating-and-reading power when she wants to use it, at some point, but I might’ve been aiming too low! :D :D :D

Yaaaaaaaaaaaay

Now all the playfully-horny omnipotent Jade fanfics are true, what that totally isn’t part of why I love this go ahead and admit she doesn’t deserve it

> ==>

Yesss flashy gif struggle against control!  (Though, not as elegant as one of Andrew’s might’ve been. Gotta say.)

> ==>

Blinky-eyes about to resolve normal-Jade-colored....!

> ==>

Wait, what?  I thought Jade was about to snap in and--

during the ship’s trip through space, there have been numerous experiments; modifications to the nutrition output of the various machines designed to create sustenance for the various species on board. i myself have been content with orange juice and synthetic proteins, but dave and roxy have both expressed longing for various ‘earth snacks’, and so the trials and errors began.

What the fuck?  I don’t even know where this is going if it’s punways.

Is there like a dog treat somewhere that’s gonna push her over the edge?  Where is this headed even.

> ==>

Wh...

WHa??????

the results were mixed. as roxy told us in a previous chapter, alchemized food all sort of tastes the same, although the visuals really help to bring about the flavor. and at the end of the day, isn’t it the journey that is more important than the destination? the stories you tell as you create the strangely flavored nutritional paste?

JADE: ????????????

Um??  What’s even going on.

so far, everyone’s favorite attempt has been a vaguely peanut-butter and chocolate flavored creation called "Rices'". nobody eats them really. they just sit in a bowl on the counter.

i’m not actually sure what the witch is trying to accomplish here.

Is Jade trying to humorously gross Alt!Callie out of her body with a candy she doesn’t like or?  But, “suicide threat”? Why joke--

JADE: you dont? JADE: really?

i don’t know what she is trying to accomplish, because surely she would not be doing what it appears she is trying to do. making such a meaningless threat.

JADE: meaningless? JADE: do you even know anything about the body you stole? JADE: shouldnt you have run some sort of psychic physical before you possessed it? JADE: its definitely what i would have done!

Oh SHIT.  You mean Jade has the same peanut allergy JOHN does?!?

> ==>

jade must know that i am well-aware of her family-wide peanut allergy. a story thread that has been extremely important and weighed in on in multiple parts of the narrative. how could i have forgotten such a key detail?

...yes, she totally forgot, but more than that.

I’m betting John is the ONLY one with a peanut allergy.  That Jade is USING that fact to bluff like hell.  :D

(Allergies aren’t usually inherited that way you alien!)

there is nothing remotely just or heroic about dying from self-imposed anaphylactic shock in the throes of a childish tantrum. at the most i’ll get a relaxing few minutes of sleep.

Is Alt!Callie bluffing now?  Even a resurrecting death could throw her off.

> ==>

FUCK YES JADE.

JADE: do you really want to risk it?

what are you talking about, jade? i just said--

FUCK YES JADE, BE A HUGE WITCH

(i say in the most witch-connotatively and non-classpect-related way)

JADE: i dont know, callie JADE: ive never really understood the rules that govern the death of a god tier, have you? JADE: it seems pretty arbitrary from where im standing JADE: who makes the decision whether or not something is heroic or just?

...that’s unclear. but it certainly isn’t you.

JADE: right, of course not JADE: but are you so confident that youre a good guy? JADE: are you sure that the alpha timeline WANTS you to be here?

...what.

JADE: youve done some stuff, callie JADE: im only saying you shouldnt be so quick to assume that me killing you wouldnt be just JADE: and that taking my own life to do it wouldnt be heroic

Even with JUST this one fucking situation Alt!Callie put her in, throwing off her control forever by dying would be shortsighted but HELLA JUST.  What Alt!Callie is doing to her is a crime.

Oh shit!?!?

> [S] ==>

What is this, HTML5?  *clicks play*

...for a second, I thought this was gonna launch into a huge thing with that clock ticking song from the Felt album.

Having Rose and Dirk’s colors competing here really reinforces that... Prospit vs Derse vibe that was feeding the whole this-is-the-basis-for-the-game’s-structure-and-the-birth-of-Paradox-Space theory more earlier.

> ==>

i don’t let the witch manipulate me. i refuse to falter in the face of her whispers. without my careful planning and swift action, the prince would have taken full control over this timeline. none of my friends could even begin to imagine the turmoil.

In the end, you’re ignoring what’s right and brave in this instance to instead do something EXPEDIENT, to the exclusion of trust and compassion when things COULD work out just as well without taking the worst actions -- which is textbook villainous.

> ==>

JADE: they arent your friends!! JADE: you took them from me!

Now isn’t THAT a way to put it. :D :D :D

Alt!Callie is sinning almost as badly as Dirk, here.  Viewing everyone else as characters in a story, the only way she’s ever viewed “friends”, and her as the not-so-humble narrator doing what’s best for all of them.  If she’s going to win against Dirk -- or if that victory is going to MEAN anything -- she will HAVE to realize that she needs to be different.

JADE: you keep saying that youre doing all of this for my own good, but youre just lonely! JADE: i know you are, because so am i!

Ouch.

Will Alt!Callie force her to swallow it?

JADE: you said that being a space player is all about sacrifice JADE: well

> ==>

JADE: bet

...I guess she really might have an allergy.

> ==>

Aaaand the candy drops.  A W A K E ! ! ! !

Yaaaaay Jade is BACK and we’ll get to see even more of her!!!

...please tell me on the next page she grabs the candy, noms it, and mentions she doesn’t have a peanut allergy after all.  That would be sweet.

> ==>

...

Nope, you just leave us on a sad.  Dammit, why do you gotta be all adult and showin’ us both sides in a moment of triumph, HS^2.  Shucks.

Anyway, YAY JADE!  C:

I am happy by this, if slightly too emotionally-rollercoastered by the past 24-hours to give this the full-rejoicing it deserves.  That, and worried about the openings Dirk will get because of this... joy now for potential frustration later, even if Jade tries her best to let Alt!Callie back in in-time.

See y’all next time!  And, uhm.  I guess I’ll comment on whatever other asks I promised to comment on another less-eventful day.  Keep reminding me and holding me to it though!

[jaybug-jabbers]

Top 3 Favorite PokeGods

For the unaware, PokeGods were schoolyard rumors back in the days of Gen 1, of powerful, secret pokemon hidden in the games. Many of these rumored pokegods were entirely fabricated, while others were apparently based off poor memories of seeing snippits of actual pokemon designs planned for the next gen of games.

I thought I’d make a list of my top 3 favorite pokegods, since I’ve been in a top 3 sort of mood.

#1 - Shadybug

Shadybug has an interesting detail to his tale; rumors of his reality persisted longer than other pokegods. Up until fairly recently, he had an entry in Bulbapedia, claiming that Shadybug was a pokegod based off glimpses of a real beta pokemon design.

This supposed design was called “Kage no Mushi” (‘Shadow insect’), and was a pokemon design supposedly uncovered in a Japanese web archive.

This is a sketch supposedly along similar lines to the fan sketches of Honōguma and other beta pokemon (or perhaps an attempt at concept artwork from the game creators themselves):

However, this is in all likelihood not a real alpha/beta design– there are few sources for this supposed design leak. For further discussion on this, go here.

All this talk aside as to whether Shadybug is a real beta design (no evidence for this at all), it IS a real Pokegod. In other words, there really were rumors in the 90s and early 2000′s circulating about him along with the other pokegods.

Rumors of course differ, and some rumors said Tricket, another bug-type pokegod, was the evolution of Shadybug, while others said they were two unrelated bug-type pokemon.

In any case, the two always really intrigued me. I’m honestly thrilled and impressed that bug-type pokegods were even invented by kids, as bug type was traditionally viewed as the weakest. And yet, they exist. Bug types were also included among the pokegods that were evolutions of pre-exisiting pokemon (usually evolved via the mythical ‘Mist Stone’): Beedrill evolved into ‘Beepin,’ Butterfree into ‘Locustud’ or ‘Locustod,’ Parasect into ‘Brainsect,’ etc. Even Metapod had a pokegod evolution, oddly enough– Metazap, a presumably Bug/Electric type created when you gave it ‘the Lightning stone.’

Getting back to Shadybug, though, if we look at the original pokegod rumors, we don’t know much about it. Typically it’s only described simply as “a bug that protects itself with a leaf.” The Kage no Mushi design seems to take it in a design direction similar in ways to Paras or Nincada. My favorite fan interpretation of Shadybug can be found at this post here, which honestly is so adorable I want to scream.

#2 - Tricket

This pokegod had a very consistent rumored ‘code’ for how to obtain it, something copy and pasted among the many 90s websites of young pokemon fans:

This code is for TRICKET! a new Pokemon for Gold/Silver.

First, you must carry ALL 6 BUG POKEMON in your party in this order: Caterpie, Metapod, Butterfree, Weedle, Kakuna, Beedrill. Then, open an empty box in your PC without any Pokemon in it. Go into the Safari Zone and catch a wild Venonat and a wild Venomoth. You cannot catch Venomoth before Venonat.

Then, catch a wild Paras and a wild Parasect. Same rule applies for Parasect not before Paras. Keep them all in your PC box and do not change for any new ones. You do not need Scyther or Pinsir because they are rather rare to find. You’ll see them on the Victory Road, however, by catching all of the other bug Pokemon. That’s a pre-code.

Yes, along with Scyther in Red, Pinsir will be in Red too, and along with Pinsir in Blue, Scyther will be in blue! It’s the truth. Beat the Elite Four all the way through with the 6 Pokemon told. Do not allow Caterpie, Metapod, Weedle or Kakuna to continue to evolve, just press B to stop them from evolving.

Its best for them to be on high levels. Such as L50 Caterpie and Weedle, L60 Metapod and Kakuna and L75 for Butterfree and Beedrill. You can use Rare Candies and Gameshark to boost them up. After you win all five(Gary too) matches, Professor Oak notices you have all your Bug Pokemon. He asks if you’re a bug collector, YES or NO. If you answer NO, he says, “my mistake” and then the Hall of Fame comes up. If you answer YES, then, he takes you a cage where TRICKET the CRICKET lives! He lets you take it and use it for future battles.

Tricket is on Level 65, the same level as Gary’s final Pokemon. Tricket knows Spore, Twineedle, Mega Kick(crickets like to kick their legs) and Sing. I do not know if it learns any moves. It has no link with Shadybug. Shadybug is an entirely different Pokemon. They’re just bug pokemon.

There’s appeal to this code– unlike a lot of the wild ‘codes’ for obtaining pokegods that relied on doing something an exhausting number of times (and thus was hard to prove wrong), this was a single challenge run that sounded quite possible, albiet difficult. I also admit with my bug type bias and my love of pokemon bug runs of the game, I love the heck out of it for that reason too.

There’s a few other rarities about this code that I like; for one, Tricket is a very pokemon-sounding name. It seems to rely on a simple and appealing word-mash of ‘Trick’ and ‘Cricket’ and a rare moment of genuine quality for pokegod names. A lot of pokegod names are rather outlandish and sound very much like young kiddos made them up: Anthrax (this was during an anthrax scare in the US, keep in mind), Mysterio, Doomsday,  Zapmolcuno …

Additionally, the moves described for Tricket are all real in-game moves. Again, usually when moves are described for pokegods, they’re invented with outlandish names. But the moveset described adds to the realism here. Admittedly, ‘Spore’ and ‘Sing’ are needlessly redundant, though. I would suggest swapping Spore out with something else, such as Screech or Razor Wind or something.

Anyway, there are a number of charming fan interpretations of this pokegod. One popular design is this one here, which is a rather straightforward but cute cricket with surprisingly big fists, akin to Ledian. Seems to suggest some punching moves in addition to the kicking ones.

Another sketch posted to Tumblr that only has a few notes is actually a very unique and awesome Tricket design, in my opinion, right here. A wizard cricket sounds fantastic, and it’s well executed in this sketch. The original moveset suggested for Tricket seems to have a physical attacker emphasis, but this version would probably be Bug/Psychic and more of a special attacker. We have yet to even have a Bug/Psychic type in pokemon, so the idea is an exciting one.

#3 - Mysterio

The interaction between pokegods and glitch pokemon is a complex one. It would be inaccurate to say glitch pokemon inspired all pokegods, or that all glitch pokemon were granted pokegod status, because that’s definitely not always the case. It was sometimes, though.

In many cases, it appears that pokegod rumors came about first, and that later on, Gameshark codes were assigned with the different well-known and well-loved pokegod names, with the tantilizing promise of easily obtaining these mythical creatures. Some authors who made these assigments were very direct and upfront about their arbitrary selections: they heard the pokegod rumors, knew them to be false, but liked to dream about them, and so they decided to assign names to the glitch pokemon just for fun. Other authors seemed to pass along these code lists and earnestly insisted that they were the genuine pokegods. Occasionally these authors made short notes about how the pokegods would ‘appear like messed-up blocks/like Missingno.’ but that they were indeed real despite this fact. In these cases, it seemed most fans agreed that the glitchy appearance was a dissappointment or a downside; people probably preferred the visions in their minds of great, powerful pokemon, not glitches.

The influence of glitch pokemon on pokegod lore was more sublte in other cases. Sometimes, the names of glitch pokemon would bleed into pokegod names. For instance, Blastoise’s pokegod evolution, Rainer, was possibly influenced by glichmon hex C4. This pokemon’s name appears as ‘PokéWTrainer’ in full, but due to the spaces in its name, often only appears as RAINER. It can be accessed via the Mew trick/trainer escape glitch, although its front sprite crashes the game. “Pokemaniac” also appears on many, many pokegod name lists, and this is a glitch typing of glitch pokemon also available through the trainer escape glitch.

Still, these are simply names. Something that seemed far less common were glitch pokemon inspiring any sort of detailed pokegod lore. Mysterio seems to represent at least a few attempts at this, though. It was a name given to ‘M, the sister species of Missingno. that also shares pokedex number 000. It could be encountered along with its sister Missingno. during the surfing along the Cinnabar coast/old man trick.

The relationship kids had with these two glitchmon was complicated. Missingno. and ‘M were typically treated with awe and fear. The false rumor that Missingno. could destroy your savefile or your entire game was incredibly common even back then, which probably explains why this rumor is still so staunchly believed even to this day. (See endnote.) Other kids valued Missingno. and its sister for its ability to duplicate items and used it for that but advised against daring to capture it, lest you put your game at risk.

It’s hard to say what other glitchmon possibly influenced pokegod lore. However, considering that encountering glitch pokemon without a cheating device (via Old Man Trick or the Trainer Escape Trick) seemed fairly well-known and easy to execute, and that the Gameshark codes were well-circulated for those lucky enough to own such a device, kids definitely were exposed to these glitchmon– making for ideal circumstances for rumors and stories to grow and flourish. It’s also noteworthy that glitchmon often had extreme stats; some were incredibly weak but others were incredibly powerful, with stats far exceeding any real, natural pokemon. They also fulfilled two other major expectations of pokegods: they were hidden and could only be revealed with special in-game tricks or Gameshark codes, and their pokedex numbers often exceeded 150. It’s quite possible these factors seriously influenced the rise of pokegod rumors in general, especially the various “tricks” that promised to grant you access to the land of the pokegods. Since these tricks for acquring M’ were real, for example, surely that meant other tricks could do the same for others? What else was waiting out there for discovery?

That same adventuresome, wonderous curiosity is something I feel is still kept alive today with glitch hunters. People are still discovering amazing ways of exploiting glitches and exploring the inner ‘guts’ of the game. Some of the glitch exploits sound like they stole a page right out the pokegod lore books, especially for arbitrary code execution. That’s why I have Mysterio listed as my final favorite pokegod. I feel it bridges the gap between the pokegods and the glitchmon. Quite frankly, if you’re searching for the pokegods, I’d say they have already been found: powerful, mysterious, occasionally dangerous, and completely alien, surpassing even the most wild young kid’s imaginations.

End Note on Dangerous Missingno. Rumor:

While encountering or capturing Missingno. and ‘M does not dangerously damage the savefile, it does visually corrupt Hall of Fame data, which is part of the savefile. This possibly contributed to the rumor that they can harm the save file. There also is a chance of crashing the game if you capture a pokemon at an abnormal level (lvl 0, namely) while having a full party and transferring it automatically to the PC, and then attempting to withdraw it. (Go here for details.) Because pokemon encountered during the Old Man trick, including Missingno. and ‘M, can appear at abnormal levels, this also may have contributed to the rumor.

However, to be perfectly honest, another reason is probably a case of mistaken identity. Missingno. was the first glitch pokemon to be discovered, most likely– certainly the one that was popularized and easy to access. Kids probably applied the name to all glitch pokemon. There are plenty of glitch pokemon that can severely corrupt your game, via glitch moves with unterminated names (called ‘Superglitch moves’). Poor, innocent Missingno. and ‘M were possibly blamed for their cousin’s crimes instead.

Finally, it should be noted that Missingno. in pokemon Yellow is far more ornery then in Red and Blue. With the Trainer Escape glitch, its front sprite can often lock up the game upon encounter; additionally, if successfully captured, it can cause various graphical glitches upon returning to the overworld.

This is a repost on a new blog. The original post was on Jan 14, 2019.

[carynsilver]

Fic Recs: Stony Edition

Even with things starting to open up a bit, sheltering in place is still basically life and diverting reads still keep my spirits up. So, I’m continuing my mission to spread a little love and positivity to some of my favorite fanfic writers--the writers whose works I come back to again and again for enjoyment and comfort. I’ve done Stucky and Drarry already--today, is Stony.

I follow a lot of Stucky and Stony writers on Tumblr, and I’ve noticed enmity for the opposing characters. I mean, no judgment--like what you like, or don’t like what you don’t like--you do you. Personally, though, I actually love all these MCU characters. I’m just as happy with Steve and Bucky as brothers/BFFs in a Stony story as I am with Tony together with Pepper or Bruce or Rhodey in a Stucky story. As long as the characters remain their awesome selves whoever they are with, my multi-shipper heart is happy. :-)

Anyway, enough rambling, and let’s talk about fics, shall we? In my other rec lists, I limited myself to one story per author, but I just could not do that with Stony. My favorite authors in this ship have so many good stories!

The Act of Creation Will Be Your Salvation by @scifigrl47

This story... When I read it, I cried. I just told my MCU-loving hubs about it, and he got teary (though he is a big softie!). The Dummy POV in this is just so, so good... and heart wrenching... and good. TBH, I haven’t actually read any subsequent stories in the Bots series because this one was so perfect as it was. It is amazing, and everyone should read it.

Gift With Purchase Remix by @sabrecmc

Steve is a reluctant hooker (with the requisite heart of gold as well as a sympathetic reason for taking the gig), and Tony is the billionaire who takes him home. Of course, they fall in love. I love how sweet and awkward Steve is in this, and Tony’s sweetness masked by pretending not to care is the perfect foil. I come back to this fic often when I’m just in the mood for a feel-good fic where Tony is quintessentially Tony and I know there’s going to be a happy ending. I also really love the Bucky and Steve friendship in this one. Buck is snarky and speaks his mind, but he also puts Steve first, like a brother/BFF should. And if you like this one, sabrecmc has a bunch of other great stories, one of which is on this list later on.

The Foodieverse by @copperbadge and @scifigrl47

This was one of the first chef AUs that I ever read, and it definitely converted me to that trope. Now, I’ll always click on a story that uses it, but this one is still the best I’ve read in any ship. Steve is the hot, hipster, food truck chef and Tony owns a molecular gastronomy restaurant. The rest of the verse is fleshed out with all your other MCU faves in various jobs, most cooking related. Sam owns a potato-themed food truck. Fury and the Shield Co. own a restaurant where you cook and eat in the dark. Thor owns a pub. This is another AU that is just really fun, and I come back to it regularly when I need some cooking Stony feels. I was shocked when a new story in this verse popped up recently. It was awesome to see that it’s not necessarily over. :-)

we should just kiss like real people do by @theappleppielifestyle

Little Skinny!Steve mooning over his favorite celebrity in a bar, and that celebrity overhears and offers to bring him home for the night. This fic is just adorable--vehement yet smitten Steve, slightly unsure but also smitten Tony, rambling through the Stark mansion, late night swimming, playing with bots, and a happy ending. There is nothing not to love here.

Stark Industries (The Office) Verse by orbingarrow

It’s lonely at the top of Stark Enterprises for poor Tony, until he meets the crazy kids in the Security Admin Department (S.A.D.) and gets invited to play their cheeky little scavenger hunt game where a picture with Tony Stark (unknown awesome) and getting Steve laid earn you the most points. And, in the end, Tony might just end up with a boyfriend and a new group of S.A.D. friends who are uniquely qualified to save his life! And if you like this one, you should also check out orbingarrow’s Lobsters series.

Wrapped Up In Clover by @festiveferret

The past: Bucky and Steve needed a new roommate. Enter a disinherited Tony. Steve and Tony fall in love until, suddenly, Tony dumps Steve when he comes back into his inheritance. The present: Bucky and Clint are having a destination wedding, and Steve is horrified when Tony shows up as someone’s surprise plus one. I love the back and forth timelines, I love the angst and pining, I love the happy ending. And it even has a backdrop of Winterhawk, which is another of my fave MCU ships. And if you like this one, you’d also like festiverferret’s Greyscale and Jinx, among others.

For a Good Time Call... by @tenspencerriedplease

The opening hook of this--Tony actually calling a number written on a bathroom stall--yanked me in, but it’s the rest of the story that made this one stick in my mind. Tony and Steve’s relationship grows as Tony realizes he’s aromantic, and along the way he learns about different ways of being asexual and aromantic, as well. I think reading this was the first time I’d heard of queer platonic relationships. This story is both interesting in its subject matter and as a story. It also has that found family trope that I love in any universe/fandom.

The Toasterverse by @scifigrl47

More scifigrl47, but who could blame me?! The lovely @virtual-insomnia introduced me to this universe, though she called it the Roomba verse, lol. It’s a little convoluted to follow, as it’s sorted into two different series threads--the one linked above and the Phil Coulson’s Case Files series. There is a list at the top of the stories in chronological order, but I’d recommend reading the Tony Stark Builds His Friends stories first then go on to the Phil Coulson files. This series is both funny and angsty in the best way. The Stony is great, but so are the other characters. I mean, the Roombas themselves are worth reading for. This was the first series I read that had Clint/Coulson in it, and this Darcy is a total BAMF. She becomes one of four entry-level shield agents, and the four of them are a riot! My actual favorite story in this verse is Phil Coulson Knows Tony Stark’s Super Villain Name, but you need to read the rest of the series to really appreciate it.

Celestial Navigation by @sabrecmc

I honestly love all of sabrecmc’s stories that I’ve read (check out the Vegas one if you get a chance, too), but Celestial Navigation and Gift With Purchase Remix are my absolute favorites. Celestial Navigation is an ABO story, where Omega Tony is basically given to Alpha Steve--like, there’s consent, but Tony’s other choices are so awful that it’s fairly dubious. Steve is Captain America, but no one knows his identity. Poor Steve in this fic is just SO messed up, and Tony is, too (coming from an abusive home). But Steve wants to do right by his omega, and he does his best to learn and change, to be a good Alpha and treat his Omega as a person, not a designation. And Tony slowly, slowly learns to trust. When these two finally do fall in love, it is really earned. Orbital Mechanics is the same story from Steve’s POV, but it’s still a WIP.

Tiny Spy Assassin Steve by @copperbadge

Finally, I’ll conclude this list with more copperbadge. I really have a weakness for Small!Steve paired with Tony. In this one, Tony is Tony (it starts pre-Iron Man) and Steve is a SHIELD agent. It’s got identity porn, falling in love, and lots of MCU characters. The first two stories in the series are alternate versions of Iron Man and Thor/Iron Man 2 in this verse. There were some hints of further alternate movies that didn’t happen, but the stories there are complete, and there are a bunch of fun shorts in the verse, as well. And, hey, if another long movie retelling showed up one day, I would be there.

Happy reading, everyone!

[mfackenthal]

The MFackenthal Show with Special Guest Star @hopefulmoonobject!

banner by @whenyourheartskipsabeat

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Megs:  Hello Hello Hello!  And welcome to the first episode of The MFackenthal Show - Covid19 edition.  Today we are going to air footage from an interview that was originally recorded back in late 2019.  So while you will see Megs and her wonderful special guest interacting and sitting within six feet of each other at the beginning of the footage, after the pre-recorded tape, we’ll check in with our special guest via zoom.  

The screen gets all blurry for a second before we see … 

Megs:  Hello Hello Hello! Please help me welcome to the stage our guest star for today, @hopefulmoonobject​. 

Nesha:  Gently smiles and gives a small wave as she walks on stage.  

She and Megs hug before they both sit down. 

Megs:  Nesha, I am so glad you are here!  I have loved your work for so long now.  It feels like forever ago that I was binging A Royal Mate/Finding the One. 

Nesha:  I think you read it all in less than a week.  It was impressive. 

Megs:  Quickly stands and gives a little bow.  I am a fanfic addict.  I have a problem but I do not want a cure.  Especially now that you’re wowing the world with Atelophobia; teaching us psychological terms and giving us great content.  I know that we are all happy to see Liam and Z get married. 

Nesha:  Don’t worry, there is still fun in store!

Megs:  Oh, I’m not worried.  BUT I have definitely jumped ahead.  Sorry, I just couldn’t wait to shower you with complements.  But, let’s back up.  Tell us all how you came to tumblr and how you created your tumblr handle. 

Nesha: Well, let’s see, I joined the fandom some time at the end of Oct  2017.  I was strictly a reader at the time.  My tumblr handle was tumblr generated - but it was perfect because I used to collect anything that was sun, moon, or stars related.  I didn’t really know how this tumblr thing worked and I didn’t comment on everything I read, but I did like them.  It was actually a little intimidating to start talking to people. 

Megs:  A lot of people feel intimidated talking to people.  That’s why this show exists.  People will see you and know that they can talk to you! Thanks for coming on the show, by the way!

Nesha: Of course, Megs!  I’m honored to be here. 

Megs:  What brought you to the fandom? 

Nesha:  I stumbled onto choices and played for about 3 months before I found tumblr. I started reading then interacting with others that were just as obsessed with this game as I was. There is some amazing talent in this fandom. 

I even just started binging Supernatural because of some of the fics that have been popping up. I haven’t finished it yet though. 

Megs:  I love Supernatural!  I know there are others out there who love it too!  There are a lot of seasons though!  Laughs  Anyways, what do you love about the fandom? 

Nesha:  I love that people all over the globe can come together over a game. I have met some wonderful people because of this fandom and Choices. It was some of these people that gave me the courage to write my first fic. I used to write mostly poetry when I was younger, but I hadn’t written in years and then after a Camp NaNoWriMo, I became a writer.  

Megs:  That is amazing!  Tell us about what you have written!

Nesha: Oh gosh … well, I must say that I am very proud of Finding the One AU. It was my first series, and very dear to my heart.

I also loved the series that I was co-writing with Alex, but just with everything and living on two different continents, it is hard to find the time at this juncture. There is still a chapter I wrote with a very talented writer named Meg, that I still need to finish and post.

Megs:  You flatter me!  But I did have a great time writing with you! And as anyone who has talked to me knows, I will do almost anything to get myself into a fic.  So, Camp NaNoWriMo graduate, what advice do you have for other writers? Especially other fanfic writers? 

Nesha:  Write what you feel, but I would ask that you are mindful of stereotypes. Also, don’t let anyone chase you away.  I know what it feels like not getting a lot of comments, that did stress me out, then I had to remember why I was writing in the first place. Yes, it is nice to have people like and comment on your work (I am bad at it, sorry) I can only keep up with a handful of series then I go back and find the others to read them too. 

Megs:  Oh gosh, it’s impossible to read everything!  It’s almost impossible to read everything by just one amazing author, let alone the entire fandom!  I used to think crazy things like, “could people just take a day off from writing so I could catch up!!!  Please?!”  laughs But more seriously, What’s your writing process? 

Nesha:  Just sit in front of a keyboard and let it flow.  I have plots that I have thought of in the beginning, but by the second or third chapters the characters kinda take over.  It is like that for my latest story Atelophobia.  Some of the chapters had taken on a very different route than I had originally planned. But I am loving it.

Megs:  That’s such great advice.  I think it’s Stephen King in his book about writing called  “On Writing” who says that one should write every day.  He mentions having some days where he just throws everything that he writes away.  Okay, now tell me, it’s obvious that you love Liam.  What about Liam seems to inspire you so much? 

Nesha:  I mean who doesn’t like a man who is educated, intelligent, doesn’t take you for granted, your happiness is important to them, as well as your thoughts?  They want more than just a pretty face. and treats you like a Goddess in and out of the bedroom. 

Megs:  Nope, can’t argue with that logic!

Now, Nesha … I have a little bit of a surprise for you.  Megs reaches behind the couch and pulls out a stuffed animal in the shape of a skunk. She passes it over to Nesha. 

Nesha:  Hugs the skunk and starts laughing.  Megs, I love it.  How did you know!?  Oh my gosh, I know it’s weird, but I like the smell a skunk makes! No, I don’t want a direct blast, but I don’t mind it.  I blame the fact that I moved into a dorm with no air conditioning and lived on the first floor.  Some thought it was funny to shoot a skunk with a slingshot, and wildlife had to come out and put it out of its misery, right under my window.  Lived with that smell for weeks.  I will cherish “Tulip” the skunk forever. 

The screen blurs out and we see Megs all by herself again. 

Megs:  It’s such a good thing we had this older footage, otherwise, I don’t know how we would be able to air this show during social distancing!  I thought my producers were crazy when they wanted to film ahead like that.  I really have to hand it to them.  Now, let’s check in with Nesha!  

Megs calls Nesha on her phone and soon we hear Nesha say hi, but it’s Tulip sitting in a chair that we can see on the TV screen that is paired to the phone. 

Megs:  busts out laughing  Well, hello Tulip!  How are you?  I haven’t seen you in so long.  Is Nesha treating you well? 

Nesha: using a cute child voice  Oh yes, Megs, Nesha is treating me very well.  I get all the food I want and I get to help her write more stories of Liam.  I am a very lucky skunk.  

Megs:  That’s great, Tulip!  I’m so glad to hear that.  Any chance Nesha is around? 

Nesha: pops into the screen, moving Tulip to be sitting in her lap as she takes Tulip’s chair  Hey Megs!  It’s great to see you! How are you liking your own show?  How are you holding up with all the craziness going around about COVID-19?  

Megs:  I am loving the show!  Each episode is unique.  Some are crazy ridiculous (cough @cordoniansgonewild) others are more innocent and sweet.  Sometimes I lack the motivation to write them, but when I take your advice and just let it flow, it always does.  COVID-19 has actually been quite a joy for me personally.  I’m working from home and loving it!  I do feel awful for those who have lost their jobs or are truly terrified to leave their houses.  If any of you are feeling down or depressed, please know that I’m always available to talk.  

And that’s today’s show! Thank you all for tuning in!  I can’t wait to see you all again soon! Byee all!!!

Nesha:  waves to everyone Stay safe everyone.

Oh, and in case you missed some of the references to @hopefulmoonobjects work, check it out here.

~~~~~

And now for the tags.  I’m only tagging people who have specifically mentioned an interest in The MFackenthal Show.  If you want to be added to the tag list for these or removed, please let me know!

@hopefulmoonobject​​ @queen-among-writers​​, @hopelessromantic1352​​, @lilyofchoices​​, @msjpuddleduck​​, @theroyalweisme​​, @loveellamae​

[tokkitchen]

[ kim doyoung, 25 ] did you hear? there’s a new addition to the hypehens family! [ tokkitchen ] was starting to get known for [ cooking/baking tutorials & challenges ] and i think they will hit it big this time around as a part of the [ kimcheese ] squad at hypehens. [ shin sunwoo ] is known to be [ cheeky ] and enjoys [ farming simulation rpgs ]. with their vibes of [ flour stained cheeks and freshly baked bread ] and a style that is unique, i think they are going to take the internet by storm!

hi there! this took me a hot minute, but i’ve finally got sunwoo’s page up and running! you can find the basics & background about him there. tl;dr he loves the culinary arts and overall is a genuine but playful person. for the love of god do not call him a flirt or be passive aggressive with him unless you wanna start some drama which i am 100% down for. you can im me on tumblr or discord (kupo#6438, my dp is a pikachu) if you’re down to plot! 

please note that any gif icons posted here and in future posts were made by yours truly.

here are sunwoo’s basics & background copied and pasted from my pages for your convenience.

Basic Information

⥼ Full Name: Shin Sunwoo ⥼ Pronouns: He/Them ⥼ Gender: Cismale ⥼ Birthday: February 1, 1996 ⥼ Age: 25 ⥼ Orientation: Bisexual ⥼ Relationship status: Single ⥼ Occupation: Creator & host of Tokkitchen ⥼ Residence: Seoul, South Korea

Physical Appearance

⥼ Faceclaim: Doyoung of NCT 127 ⥼ Hair: Black, medium length tapered short at the sides and the back, fringe clipped neatly but softly resting just below his eyebrows ⥼ Eyes: Walnut brown ⥼ Height: February 1, 1996 ⥼ Age: 25 ⥼ Height: 179 cm (5'10") ⥼ Build: Slim, very little muscle definition ⥼ Piercings: Ear lobes ⥼ Tattoos: None… yet ⥼ Clothing style: Overall casual to semi-casual and simple, prefers loose fits for pieces like sweaters, hoodies, and t-shirts, prefers fitted for pieces like denim jackets, varsity jackets, jeans, chinos, and sweatpants

Personality

⥼ Positive Traits: Warm, perceptive, playful ⥼ Negative Traits: Blunt, resentful, opinionated If you were to ask someone what Sunwoo’s most remarkable characteristic is, they would most likely mention how he treats everyone he meets like they’re an old friend. To some, that can be comforting, his easy smiles and laughs providing them a sense of security and acceptance. To others, that can be irritating: a stranger acting much too presumptuous and all too familiar for comfort. While Sunwoo does his best to be tactful and mindful of others, it��s undeniable that his personality doesn’t always mesh well with others. Sunwoo is not afraid to speak his mind whenever he finds it appropriate and necessary. He highly values improvement for himself and his loved ones. As such, he is the first to call out his friends on their bullshit, in the most loving way possible of course, seeing it as an opportunity for growth. Though he tries to choose his words as carefully as possible and his intentions are never ill, he can sometimes come off as a overly blunt, and in worst case scenarios, harsh.  In that same vein, Sunwoo never hesitates in building people up and often goes out of his way to compliment them, whether that be on their work or even on their looks, gaining him the reputation of a bit of a flirt. This is completely unintentional, as he’s not exactly aware of the way he holds eye contact with people a little longer than average, or the way his genuine tone of voice can slip into something more suggestive. He gets pretty offended if you accuse him of being a flirt and doesn’t really understand why he’s seen that way. He is an extremely genuine person, despite how he may come off. He always says what he means and hopes that other people will do the same for him. Consequently, he greatly dislikes people who are passive aggressive, finding it a waste of everyone’s time to fish out exactly what they mean.

Childhood

Sunwoo was born two years after his older brother, Shinwoo. His parents both worked at well known companies and earned good money, affording them an upper middle class lifestyle, but as a result were rarely ever home. Sunwoo did his best not to take their money for granted, understanding even at a young age just how much they had to break their backs to earn it.

Adolescence

His older brother excelled in school, earning straight A’s and getting into the first college of his choice. Sunwoo, on the other hand, was just a little above average and often felt overshadowed by his brother’s performance. This subsconsciously affected his work ethic. There would be times, for example, when he would just give up studying for an exam because he knew he wouldn’t be able to achieve the grade he wanted—that is, one that was comparable to his brother’s. Once he was old enough, Sunwoo got a job at local convenience store so he could earn his own spending money without bothering his parents. There, he regained some of his confidence and came to realize that his strengths lay outside of a rigorous school system. Still, he completed high school and decided to go to college, majoring in Business.

Tokkitchen

Sick of eating instant ramyeon for the fifth time that week, Sunwoo put aside his textbook and decided to look up simple dishes to cook. He fell into the metaphorical rabbit hole and found himself watching cooking videos for a few hours, landing on a few recipes that seemed simple enough to try. The next day, he went out to buy the necessary groceries and began cooking. His dish was… okay. It wasn’t completely awful, but it wasn’t spectacular either. Strangely enough, he wasn’t discouraged and vowed to try again the next day since he had leftover ingredients. The next day came, and this time the dish was light years better than before. Pleased with the results, Sunwoo continued to watch cooking videos online and improved his skills little by little. When he was able to perfect a pasta recipe, he invited his friends over to his apartment so that he could cook dinner for them—they would be his “first set of guinea pigs” as he put it. They were goofing around, and one of his friends took out their phone to record Sunwoo cooking. He began mimicking the narrative style of the numerous videos he watched, explaining what he was doing in an exaggerated soothing tone. It was one of the most fun nights he’s ever had. His friend sent him the video a few days later. Sunwoo watched it, cringing at the sound of his voice, but recalled how much fun he had filming it. He immediately began searching his college’s website for rentable video equipment, determined to make a cooking video, but for real this time.  After transferring and editing his very first video—"gourmet" meals using convenience store ingredients—onto his bulky, old laptop, he uploaded it to the internet under the username Tokkitchen, a reference to his apparently notorious resemblance to a rabbit. This was mostly for safekeeping—he knew his laptop was on its last legs and he only had so much hard drive space after all—but he also secretly hoped that maybe he would be able to capture a small audience. Sunwoo enjoyed making these videos so much that he went as far as changing his major to Film (his college did not offer a Culinary Arts major.) His technique and style improved significantly, and his viewer count steadily grew. It wasn’t nearly enough to justify doing it full time though, so after he graduated, he began the dreaded job search.

Present

After a year and a half of uploading videos, and just a month into the job search, Tokkitchen was suddenly an overnight success thanks to a video he had certainly not expected to be his claim to fame. It was one of his more casual videos: a half vlog, half cooking tutorial of caramel flan. Commenters seemed particularly delighted by his inclusion of footage of his three failed attempts at not burning the caramel and the resulting existential breakdown he had following them. He continued this model for his next video, and the next video, and the next video, and his channel views continued to grow exponentially. He has been praised by viewers for his down to earth personality and warm, atmospheric style.

[rankakiu]

Thoughts of the Droid: Joker (2019)

Hello people from Tumblr! How have they been in all this time? As always, I hope very well. I will begin by saying that it was really in my plans to see the film of It: Chapter II; however, due to various circumstances, I could not see in the cinema. However, I compensated, watching another movie that shares a feature with It: both films have a clown as a great antagonist. Only the latter is more disturbing, since it does not need an extra dimensional being, but a human disguised as a clown, which in itself is more disturbing. On this occasion I bring to you all my impressions and opinions of the Joker movie, the second film that Warner and DC have released this year and which (obviously) has a plausible origin for the villain and nemesis par excellence of Batman.

Could it be that this movie continues with the hit streak of DC and Warner? Or is it a movie that had a very high expectation and ends up disappointing own and strangers? Stay in my review to find out.

WARNING: NOT SPOILER-FREE. Read at your own risk.

To start, what did I think of the movie? Short answer: simply magnificent and fascinating. Now let's go into the review in more detail. 

Characters: What to say about this thing? Each of the characters has been thought carefully and although we do not see much of them, at least they fulfill very well their function of being support characters and even some of them serve as a catalyst to further explore the mind of our protagonist. None of these characters will leave you indifferent and also make the movie a more pleasant experience, due to their good performances.

Of course, I could not ignore our protagonist, Arthur Fleck, played by the great Joaquin Phoenix, who once again consolidates himself as an actor of excellent quality, in addition to demonstrating his talent to his full potential.

In this movie, he interprets (as I mentioned lines above) a man in his forties named Arthur Fleck, a poor unhappy man and that life does not treat him at all well. To top it off, he suffers from a peculiar disorder: he laughs uncontrollably when he suffers certain levels of stress and / or anguish. Basically, when he laughs, it is when he ironicly manifests his pain and suffering. And certainly, in the scenes where he laughs that way, it is where Phoenix's acting quality is most noticeable, since while he laughs, his face is disfigured in gestures of extreme bitterness and pain.

If there is something that the film does quite well, it is to explore the tormented psychology of the character, while offering a possible origin and reason why it became the iconic “crime clown” of Gothic City. Throughout the film, we see him resisting as much as he can the attacks and ill-treatment he suffers from a society that cannot and does not want to understand him; we see him slowly succumb to his madness and dark desires, pushed more than anything for days full of disappointment, bitterness and disinterest on the part of his fellow men. Thus, the film knows how to balance these two aspects that manage to give the character its own mythology, while paying a well-deserved tribute by taking certain elements of comics and stories that are already legendary in their own right.

Story: A story, which despite a somewhat slow pace, manages to keep the viewer's interest for about two hours. And it is not for less, since the history has been meticulously planned and well conceived and carried out. It's a story that doesn't bore you at all, and that really leaves you wanting more. It's funny, since, even long before the trailers, we all knew in advance that it would be a story of the character's origin, so we knew that eventually Arthur Fleck would become the Joker. What really left us intrigued and made us go to the movie theaters was the premise of seeing how he became the clown of crime, whose motives he had to let himself be carried away by his madness and had such a unique metamorphosis. Again, the film tells that story precisely and brutally.

And how to start a story with so much potential? Simple, through a scene, where we see Arthur make up as a clown to go out on another work day and while preparing, we see our protagonist break emotionally for a few moments, where he forces himself to smile and while he smiles he spills a Treacherous tear, shows palpable suffering that has to deal with daily and somehow manages to resist almost heroically. But reality and life constantly inflict wounds on his being.

Throughout history we see many evidence of this: we have that, while Arthur does his job, a band of brats steal a sign and Arthur pleadingly asks people for help, who ignores him in that dehumanized way and not according to that, the same band of brats beat him up.

Or how about the scene where one of his co-workers, Randall, gives him a gun so carelessly and that he lost his job - that despite everything, he loved - and his partner decided to wash his hands , before admitting his mistake?

We also have the case in which Arthur fervently tries to fulfill his dream of being a comedian and unfortunately not only does not succeed, but also Murray Franklin, his idol and role model openly mocks him.

But without a doubt, the hardest blow he suffered was when he learned that everything, ALL OF HIS LIFE, until now had been a lie. Finding out that he was adopted only to satisfy a narcissistic desire of his adoptive mother, that his own guardian allowed him to be abused in various ways and that his origin is completely uncertain create an emotional dent in him, since it has been given realize that his life - in his own words - has been a joke in its entirety. In my opinion, this is one of the most emotional and heartbreaking scenes of the film, since that is where we see Arthur laugh more uncontrollably than ever, while shedding tears and his gesture is of such extreme disappointment and pain, that one as a spectator, you can feel a total empathy with the character, despite knowing that he will become a murderous villain.

Another scene to highlight in the story, is when Arthur, already become the Joker, is featured in the show of his now former idol Murray. That is where The Joker, stopping to read for a few seconds a thought he wrote long ago ("I just hope my death makes more sense than my life"), is that he finally decides what he wants to do and what being he wants to become .

And is that previous scenes, Arthur is seen rehearsing his entrance and his act to the show, where we clearly see that he aimed to commit suicide in order to end his life so tragic.

In my opinion, when he reads those lines of his thought, he changes his mind and decides that he will now be forcefully heard and will do what he pleases and brings his own happiness and control of his life. It is also in this scene where there is a monologue that seems quite interesting to me, since Arthur rants against society that abandons not only the patients with mental disorders, but also the poor and the most needy people. It is, in its purest sense, a passionate speech, full of anger and resentment against society that, unconsciously, led him to become an executioner, now free from the bonds and ideas of good and bad with what society intended to retain him. And now the executioner intends to torture this society, which ironically now cries out for mercy when never had it in the first place with a human being like him.

Also in this scene is where the Joker gives another equally interesting speech, and it is that to some extent he is right in describing society as easily manipulable, since in his own words, that society was shocked by the death of the three Wayne business employees, without even knowing how they really were. Recall that behind the scenes, the three subjects were behaving like real patanes, harassing an innocent woman. In part, their deaths are brutal and to some extent an exaggerated punishment. But this must also be considered: at what point would these three have reached if Arthur had not been present? What limits would have been exceeded? An interesting reflection that gives a lot to think about.

Another point in favor of history, is that it not only focuses on the psychology and evolution of the main villain, but also manages to sustain, showing a dark side of society and especially the eternal struggle of social classes, especially The poor against the rich. Just remember that in the movie, these social classes make their position very clear: the rich condemn the crimes that they have done against them. The poor are full of joy for those acts that they consider pure and expeditious justice.

But…

Did it really happen everything that defined Arthur as the Joker?

Because in fact, in the same movie (and in various theories hanging around the internet) there are several clues that would confirm that the whole story we witnessed as spectators would be false. Some say that all their history is false and others maintain that only parts of it. And one might think that that little detail ruins the movie completely.

In this case, I would not think so.

And it is because of how the character is designed from the beginning. Basically the Joker is one of those characters who, as long as we knows less about his past, is much better, since it is part of his essence, being an entity of chaos whose origin is enigmatic and mysterious, a whole unknown. And if in truth his whole story is ambiguous or it didn't happen the way him told us, his past doesn't matter. What matters is precisely that we have been shown how his madness dragged him into becoming a criminal.

The story definitely gives a lot of fabric to cut from and is very worthy of analysis in many facets. The story, along with the characters - especially the protagonist - is the best of the film, and therefore it is a film that has no waste of seeing again and again.

Action and Visuals and special effects: Well ... where to start? Because if you ask me, I doubt that this film has been a great edition of special effects. I do not deny that I have one or another, but most of all the film is beautifully guided with the environments, the color palette and lights and especially a great script, so it is not necessary great effects. As for the action, the film has good sequences but they are very scarce and when they occur they are usually ephemeral. But do the film need action? Of course not, since it focuses on the character and his circumstances.

In conclusion, Joker, is a film very worth seeing and that has already become one of the best DC films, showing that in truth, when they want, they can achieve these wonderful results and that even overshadow their eternal rival Marvel. Therefore, I give this movie 4.5 out of 5 jokers. Beyond that, this film presents a new scheme that, if exploited in a good way, will create a genre in the superhero films: supervillain movies. And that is one of the greatest achievements of the film.

Definitely a highly recommended movie to watch and a very deserved achievement for DC and Warner. Hopefully they stay on this good path.

Greetings

Rankakiu