#I was able to get to the doctor for an exam which confirmed that

[1-ufo]

,

[queenimmadolla]

𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐊

(young parents!Eddie Munson x fem!reader, SMUT)

more adventures from the pennyverse can be found on my masterlist.

summary: . . . eddie helps you out when you’re struggling to feed your baby. It quickly leads to fucking.

warnings: lactation kink, smut, unprotected sex, p in v, creampie, fingering, breastfeeding, little bit of angst, whole lot of comforting.

a/n: based on this request, pls appreciate this, i learned too much about my older sister’s experiences to be as accurate as possible for you horndogs. and a HUGE thank you to @kitmon for beta-ing this monster! everyone say ‘thank you, junie!’

𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

You hadn’t been able to do it for very long, but you definitely had a bone to pick with all of the distorted media; all of the stupid magazines, books, tv shows and movies that made breastfeeding seem like a walk in the park

Because it wasn’t.

Over the course of your pregnancy you had mainly been worried about whether your baby would accept your offered boob or not considering you’d been a bottle-fed baby, fussy and always refusing your mom anytime she tried. Penny wasn’t like you, though. She had no problem with your breasts or latching, she was essentially a pro at it and almost entirely chose to nurse by tit, meaning, she was almost constantly attached to your nipple.

That was now proving to be a problem. See, your chest was out of control. You were fine with your bra size before but, Jesus Christ, they nearly tripled in size to produce the amount of milk she needed! And that was when you were least engorged! You were shaped like Dolly Parton if Penny was away from you for too long.

It had also begun to hurt, badly. It was painful. They made it look all cutesy and sweet in the movies, a mother cooing gingerly and coddling her child close to her chest as they suckled, but milk— and enough to feed a seemingly always hungry baby— coming out of recently tender nipples not used to it was anything but a fun experience. For a good couple of weeks after having her, you cried during her feedings while she stared up at you with those thoughtless, doe-like eyes, oblivious to it all.

You could tell Eddie felt bad, but there wasn’t much he could do and, if you were being honest, it was definitely a stubborn pride thing on your end, not really wanting his help in the first place.

You could do it on your own. And, for a while, you did, until, suddenly, you couldn’t. 

Your right breast had been hurting more than the usual dull ache and Penny seemed to be unsatisfied with what her clouded baby-brain perceived to be meager portions, demanding more which she was given through a bottle. It didn’t take you long to figure out something was wrong and a quick visit to your doctor confirmed that something was, indeed, amiss. 

Mastitis; which was the fancy word for your milk duct (the terminology grossed you out) being clogged.

Your doctor gave you some medication, told you to keep pumping and to keep Penny on the swollen side for a longer amount of time during her feedings to encourage her to unclog it. She’d also recommended a third solution, but it was much too embarrassing for you to even consider. You could barely look her in the eyes as she described it and held your head down, avoiding her gaze on your way out of the exam room.

Eddie was playing with Penny when you stepped into your home, laying on the couch as he held her high above his face, lowering her to press a loud smacking kiss to her soft, chubby cheek before giving the other the same treatment.

She was delighted, letting out happy little squeaks and hiccups every time he brought her down to meet him. Despite the discomfort you were experiencing, it was impossible not to smile at the pair as the trill of her laughter flooded the living room along with Eddie’s contrasting chuckles, raspy in comparison to her’s.

Eddie’s head tilted to the side to get a good look at you as the front door clicked shut behind you, mouth breaking out into a grin. “Hi, babydoll. How’d it go? You okay?”

You had  shared some of what you were going through, but you hadn’t been completely transparent with him. It wasn’t out of fear of him judging you— you knew he’d never do that— it was just… embarrassing, and you didn’t even have a reason! It just was.

You set the paper bag containing your new prescription onto what little kitchen counter space you had before you walked over. Eddie shifted until he was sitting, cradling Penny in the crook of one of his arms. It looked like she was in position to fly, her tummy pressed against the palm of his hand. She seemed to be amused with it herself, toothless mouth wide open in a huge smile that showed off her gums and made way for drool to slip from the corner of her mouth. Her arms and legs kicked and waved, Eddie having to adjust his hold every few seconds as she fidgeted and wiggled like she was actually trying to flap them and take off.

“She gave me some stuff to take, told me to keep feeding Penny like normal and it should go away.” It wasn’t a complete lie. 

You didn’t dare mention the third solution she’d given you; one that she recommended more than the others as it usually produced an immediate result. But at what cost? 

Despite your embarrassment, it was still pretty difficult for you to keep anything from Eddie, so you reached for Penny and he let her slip from his arm easily as you brought her into yours, eager to distract yourself. When she turned her head to stare up at you, her gummy smile somehow managed to widen at your presence and you leaned forward to nuzzle your nose against her tiny button-like one. She giggled again before her mouth opened and she attempted to latch onto your nose, lips parting and smearing drool along the tip of your nose as she searched for a nipple that was most definitely not there.

Eddie laughed as he slipped a hand behind the back of your neck, massaging the tense muscles there, “I was gonna feed her just before you got here, want me to get a bottle ready or do you want to try?”

You knew he didn’t mean any harm by it, but a part of you still kicked yourself for your current inability to satisfy your daughter’s hunger.

“I’ll try.” You stood up, keeping a good hold on Penny as you disappeared into the bedroom, trying your hardest to ignore the hurt look on Eddie’s face as you did so.

Ever since your milk duct had gotten clogged, you’d taken to feeding Penny in private. It wasn’t like Eddie stared at you when you fed her but he didn’t mind watching. You knew he liked seeing you and Penny bond that way. Unfortunately, there wasn’t a whole lot of bonding going on anymore. You spent the majority of her feeding time trying to encourage her to suckle a little harder and getting frustrated when she wouldn’t. You didn’t want Eddie to see that, it’d break the illusion of you being the perfect mother.

And you didn’t want to disappoint Eddie. You felt like you were already disappointing Penny. 

“Okay, we can do this, Penny,” You sighed and smiled down at her as you kicked the door shut behind you, moving to climb onto the bed, mindful of Penny’s precious body in your arms. You sat with your back pressed against the headboard, legs criss-crossed as you unbuttoned your blouse as best as you could with only one free hand and fumbled to undo the latch holding the right cup of your nursing bra in place. “Just do your thing, baby. No pressure.” But pressure.

She latched onto you with no problem, the suction providing you with just a little bit of relief. It didn’t last long as the slow suckling begun producing a sharp pain that hurt more than not having her suckle at all. You huffed, breathing through the burn of it as you hitched her up a little, hoping the slight change in position would get her to try a little harder for her food. “C’mon, Penny. You gotta get it.”

Penny didn’t understand a word you were saying, pretty brown doe (perhaps cow like with the lack of attention behind them) eyes staring up at you as she continued suckling at her own pace, unaware of your suffering.

When that didn’t work, you tried re-positioning her again but, regardless of how you held her, she refused to try sucking any harder, and soon, you were blinking away tears of pain and frustration. After about thirty minutes of the fruitless attempt, you gave up, and pulled her off your chest.

Immediately, Penny began whimpering, face crumpling as you switched her onto your other side to hush her, tears openly trailing down your cheeks and chest rising and falling with your erratic hiccups. You couldn’t look down at her as she nursed, choosing instead to blink up towards the ceiling in an effort to keep the waterworks at bay and ignore the pain of your other breast as well as the sting of your own failure as a mother. You knew the moment she was done with your left breast, she’d still be hungry and would bawl with disappointment as she’d barely gotten anything from the right.

Sure enough, when Penny’s suckling became too much for your left breast and you knew she wouldn’t be getting much more out of it, you pulled her away and her whimpers started up again, tiny fists clenching in anger as she inhaled sharply with a wrinkled face. 

You felt defeated when she began to wail, mouth wide open, not to give you one of her precious smiles but to cry from her hunger. 

You cried with her, bringing a hand up to cover your face as the tears started to fall in thick droves. How could your own body fail you? How could you fail your own daughter? She wasn’t even a year old and you were already letting her down. Fuck, maybe you really weren’t ready to be a mother. 

You heard the bedroom door creak open but you didn’t bother looking up as you heard Eddie’s footsteps draw closer to you. You felt Penny’s weight being lifted away from her place in your lap and as soon as you heard her cries carry out into the living room, you curled up into a ball and wept as quietly as you could; from the still-throbbing pain and from the failure of it all.

The throbbing of your right breast became easy to ignore as your brain went numb, finally accepting defeat. 

There was nothing you could do. Maybe your fucking tit would fall off or explode or something but you didn’t care anymore. You sucked anyway and Penny would be happier nursing from a stupid plastic bottle.

You laid there for what felt like hours but was, likely, no more than one. Penny’s cries had stopped by then and you were sure Eddie had sedated her with a warmed bottle and an unclogged stupid rubber nipple.  Your tears had slowed, dry tracks and the redness staining the whites of your eyes as the only evidence that they had ever flowed, save for the stray droplets that trailed along the contour of your nose and stained the pillow case. When Eddie appeared, leaning in the doorway, he stared at you with concern etched into his features. 

You didn’t meet his gaze, staring determinedly at the dresser across the room before asking, “Where’s Penny?” 

“She’s asleep in her playpen.” He sighed, pushing off of the doorway to crouch near the edge of the bed, fingers lifting to stroke over your hair. “Talk to me, babydoll. What’s wrong?”

Your first instinct was to lie but what was the point? Penny would wake up in a couple of hours, hungry again and, like all the times before, you wouldn’t be able to satisfy her. Your days of feeding her were probably over and that made your eyes sting with the prospect of oncoming tears.

“I can’t feed her enough,” you finally admitted, your lower lip beginning to quake. “Barely anything is coming out of my right boob, it hurts like some kind of hell! She’s mad at me, I’m mad at me and I’m probably only gonna have one boob after this because I have a clogged milk duct and there’s nothing I can do about it! Penny can’t unclog it and this all sounds kind of gross as shit to me!” You turned your face into the pillow and sobbed into it, your body trembling with the force of it and you were sure you must have been a pitiful sight to your husband.

Eddie frowned, eyebrows cinched together with worry as he watched you cry. It had been obvious to him that something was off with you these last few weeks. Anytime he tried to bring it up, you withdrew into yourself. It was only after he’d been trying to get you in the mood, when he’d been kissing his way down your chest, nipping and lavishing you with lovemarks that you halted his descent and shyly admitted your breast was feeling a little too tender for any action. He had encouraged you to see your doctor about it, thinking maybe Penny had somehow hurt you while she was nursing despite her lack of teeth but, clearly, it went far beyond that.

“Have you tried pumping?” He leaned forward, pressing a kiss into the side of your head left available to him. You sniffled, turning to the side just in time for him to catch your cheek with his lips. 

Maybe you were in the mood to be coddled because you shifted around a little so you were facing him completely, allowing him to plant kisses all over your face as he brushed your hair out of your eyes.

“It doesn’t help all that much. Plus, if I pump then I can’t feed Penny on that side and my left side is already not enough for her. I don’t like sharing her too much with a bottle, Eddie,” you explained, feeling just a little better at having gotten the chance to vent it all out. Sure, your husband knew you failed at breastfeeding your daughter but clearly he didn’t care about that or he wouldn’t be comforting you.

He licked his lips before pursing them as he studied your tear covered face, heart aching at the fact that you’d been hurting this whole time and kept it to yourself. God, there had to be something he could do. “What exactly did your doctor say?”

You scowled at the mention of your visit. “She said to take some antibiotics and to encourage Penny to nurse on that side. She said, eventually, Penny should be trying to suckle enough to unclog it or I could just—’’ You caught yourself and stopped your words short, face growing warm when you recalled the final solution your doctor had provided you, eyes wide in mortification even though you hadn’t actually said it out loud.

“What? You could just what?” Eddie tried to hide the desperation in his voice as he leaned forward, pressing his forehead to yours. “C’mon, doll, you know you can tell me anything, right?”

You groaned, moving away from him to shove your face back into the pillow. You caught the flash of hurt on his face again and hated yourself a little more. Then, you finally said or, well, mumbled it into the pillow cover.

“What?”

You spoke a little louder, though your answer still remained unintelligible. Eddie frowned at your muffled reply. 

“I can’t hear you, sweetheart. You’re gonna need to say that again without trying to smother yourself,” he coaxed with a gentle joke, lips curled in a slightly uneased smile.

With a sigh and your eyes clamped shut, you moved your mouth just far enough away from the pillow to be heard, “She said I could just have you do it!” You then, immediately, shoved your face back into the pillow so you wouldn’t have to see Eddie laugh at you.

Only, you didn’t hear him either. When he remained silent but continued petting your hair, you slowly angled your head to peek up at him. 

You expected to see some amusement, just a little at your expense, but all you saw on his face was concern.

“What’s so wrong with that?” 

And just like that, you wanted to kick yourself for ever thinking Eddie would tease you for needing his help, regardless of how embarrassing the situation felt to you.

“I don’t know, I guess I just felt stupid. I always expected to breastfeed Penny. Didn’t really think I’d have to ask you to tap in for her.” It sounds silly rather than stupid saying it out loud and you can’t help the giggle that filtered out of you. 

Eddie grinned, pleased that you were finally coming out of your shell and trusting him. He actually wouldn’t mind helping you with your problem. In fact, he wouldn’t mind, at all. 

Had you told him from the start, he would have readily volunteered. 

“Baby, I would be more than happy to. It’s not like I haven’t before.” His grin morphed into his trademark mischievous smirk and you felt your face get hot at the memory of the first time you found out your milk had come in. You’d been in the middle of intercourse, bodies slick with sweat and sliding against one another, mindful of your baby bump, when you had started leaking. Ever the curious cat, Eddie had made it his mission to check it out for himself. If you hadn’t already been heavily pregnant, you were positive that particular tryst would have ended up with a baby in you. 

“Shut up!” You pushed a hand over his face, sending him away as you both laughed and you moved to sit up. 

“Hey! I’m just offering to help!” He stood up only to crash down onto the bed next to you, flat on his back as you crawled over him.

“Mhm, you know, I’m beginning to think it might be a thing for you,” you jested, tucking some hair behind your ear before leaning down, your nose almost grazing his.

Eddie didn’t say anything, just raised an eyebrow in a suggestive manner.

You straightened as your mouth dropped open. “Oh my god, it totally is!” 

The only reason he was admitting it was because he knew it must have embarrassed you to need his help in the first place. “It’s not like I can help it! I just see you and I want to—’’

You shush him, covering his mouth with your hand. “Don’t explain. Just do.”

You didn’t need to tell him twice. 

Eddie flipped you over, your back landing on the mattress as he settled himself over you. You wrinkled your nose as he leaned down, the ends of his hair tickling your face and neck before he began trailing kisses along your jaw, nudging your head to the side with his nose so he could gain better access to your neck. 

“Eddie,” you moaned out as he began sucking over a previous mark he’d left just over your pulse point, making sure it wouldn’t get the chance to fade. 

Eddie liked to do that with most of the bruises his lips had left over your skin, almost from the first time you'd let him to touch you in that way. It always filled him with a sense of pride when he caught a glimpse of them throughout the day, the marks peeking just over the collar of one of your turtlenecks and scarves or smatterings of discoloration littering your thighs when you’d shuck off your pants to go to bed. You hadn’t allowed him to leave them anywhere you wouldn’t be able to hide them with clothing or your hair, but knowing they sat there, pretty and purple, always had him half hard and ready to go the rest of the way the second you made it clear you wanted to fool around.

“Mmm, I’m getting there,” he mumbled against your skin, kisses beginning to trail from your neck to over your collarbone, pulling away only so he could pull your blouse open the rest of the way, his thick clumsy fingers struggling with the tiny iridescent buttons.

You held your breath, watching his face and anticipating the squeamish look of repulsion at your swollen boob, but he never displayed it. Instead, he looked just as intrigued as he always did when undressing you, paying no mind to the irritated redness as he got rid of your blouse and your bra completely, bundling the articles up and flinging them somewhere behind him without a spare glance.

He leaned down to press lushkisses to the area surrounding your nipple, sore and tender even to his fond touch. “My poor baby, you’ve been suffering all this time.”

There was nothing Eddie hated more than feeling helpless. Luckily, that wasn’t the case this time and he’d be damned if he couldn’t ease your pain and maybe soothe you with a little something more. 

“Let me help you with that.”

Finally, he took your nipple into his mouth, sucking cautiously  and laving his tongue over the inflamed skin as you shut your eyes in discomfort. His attention remained focused on you, his dark gaze locked onto your face, judging the pressure he’d need to apply in order to alleviate your pain. By the twisting of your features and the shaky exhales released after you’d held your breath as long as you could, it was clear you weren’t enjoying it, so he made sure his suction was light, each suck accompanied immediately after with an apologetic wash of his tongue, surveying each tick of your eyebrow or curl of your lips to better understand your dilemma. He was sure he was already trying harder than Penny usually did and he could barely taste the sweet liquid you produced, only mustering a few drops. It must have been some clog, no wonder you were so upset.

Eddie’s eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he sucked a little harder, well aware it’d cause you more discomfort before it did you any good relief. He watched as you brought a hand to your mouth, biting down on your finger to keep from making any noises for fear of waking Penny.

“Harder,” you gritted out around your finger. Unlike Penny, you knew Eddie could understand you. You’d need more than he was giving to get it out and, like a dutiful husband, he obeyed and you wondered distantly if you’d end up drawing blood from your finger as your teeth dug into the flesh of it.

The sting in your breast worsened and you honestly thought Eddie was going to rip your nipple off with how harshly he was suckling, your skin coated in a light sheen of sweat as the feeling intensified. Then, suddenly, you could feel something shoot out of your nipple in a horrifying way but the relief was almost instant; it was something not entirely liquid. 

Eddie pulled away, mouth releasing your nipple with a wet pop as he spat into his hand.

Exhausted and spent, you were left panting before straining to push yourself up onto your elbows to get a look at it. 

“What is it?"

He stared down at his palm, thumb reaching to press against something, before he offered his hand out for you to see.

You made a face, nose wrinkling and lips turning up as you caught sight of what was in his hand; it was cream colored and almost rubbery looking, like a smaller version of that gross slime they offered to children as prizes at arcades.

“Oh, god, what the fuck?”

Eddie was silent as he reached over the side of the bed to shake his hand and toss the clog into the trash can. As he leaned back up, he wasted no time in pressing you back into the mattress and slanting his pink mouth over yours with fervor. You caved instantly, melting under his wandering hands as you moaned into his mouth, letting him roll his tongue along yours.

He was panting when he pulled away, lips rosy and glistening with your shared saliva. 

“Fuck, baby, I know that must have been a pain in the ass for you, but you tasted so good and you’re so fucking beautiful.”

You yanked his face back down to yours, licking the rest of his words right out of his mouth. You could taste the sweet flavor of your breast milk on his tongue, and it surprised you how much the candied taste of it turned you on.You weren’t even the one with the kink.

You reached a hand down to press against his jean-ladened crotch, relieved when you felt the defined outline of his cock, hard and warm even through the bulky, rough fabric. Eddie rutted into your palm, eager to feel any friction you would provide him. You took pity on him, fumbling with the button on his jeans before lowering the zipper. He raised his hips to help you ease the pants down over his ass, legs kicking to strip them down the rest of the way, his boxers falling away with his jeans.

“Your turn,” he growled, voice laced with unbridled desire as he quickly got you out of your pants, yanking and tugging until they were discarded along the floor Your panties, however, were less fortunate. The sound of the fabric ripping was loud enough to surprise you but Eddie didn’t let it interfere with his mission and just tossed the ruined article of clothing to the side (they were ruined before he tore them, anyways, your arousal made sure of that). His fingers started exploring your center, his middle and ring digits sliding effortlessly through your soaked folds. 

“Knew I’d find you nice and wet. All this just from me sucking on your nipple, babydoll? Somthin’ you wanna tell me?” 

Eddie didn’t give you the chance to answer, pressing the two fingers into you just as you’d opened your mouth to respond. Instead, all you could do was gasp around a moan when he curled them, the pads of his fingertips pressing against that spot inside you that only he knew how to work. Not even your own fingers could bring you that kind of practiced pleasure. 

“You’re so good, sweetheart. Always my good girl. So good to me and such a good mommy to Penny.” He mouthed at the spot behind your ear that sent sharp tingles up your spine, but you pushed through, focusing on your task at hand and yanking on the hem of his shirt. You needed him naked. 

He got the message, withdrawing his fingers from the desperate clutch of your aching cunt to yank his shirt over his head. In his wake, your pussy clenched around nothing, already missing the feeling of his calloused fingers massaging your walls. 

He didn’t leave your pussy lonely for long though. Once the two of you were both naked, his fingers dipped back into you, eager to stretch you out for his cock. You ground your hips against his hand, head pressing back into the mattress when his thumb rubbed into your clit.

Eddie smirked, watching you arch your back as his thumb circled over your sensitive nub, fingers prodding and searching out that spongy spot inside of you. You let out another airy moan once he found it, this time focusing on that mushy patch inside you as he massaged his rough fingertips into it ruthlessly, pinning your hips down to keep them from moving too much.

“You hear that?” He questions.

Fuck yeah, you could. Your cunt was sucking his fingers in with a sloppy squelch, your arousal smeared all over the insides of your thighs and trailing down the back of Eddie’s hand as it dripped onto the bed sheets. He cursed, staring down at the mess between your thighs, mesmerized by how greedy your pussy was being; so eager to take, take, take.

“Fuck, you’re making such a beautiful mess, honey. All for me, yeah?” 

He increased his pace, fingers fucking into you with reckless abandon.

“Yes, Eddie!” You babbled, chest heaving from the pleasure of it all. You could feel your climax approaching, the telltale sensation pulling low in your belly. “All for you! Only you!”

He hummed, the vibrations rumbling against your skin as he licked a long, hot stripe up your exposed neck. You came right then, clenching hard around his fingers as you nearly choked on a moan, your hands gripping the sheets beside your head with trembling fingers as you fumbled to remain attached  to reality. 

Eddie worked you through it, fingers unforgiving as they stroked that spot inside of you. You whimpered, hips trying to move away, the sensations reaching the point of overwhelming but Eddie wasn’t having that.

“Nuh-uh, I’m not done with you yet, babydoll.” 

He pulled his fingers from your sensitive cunt, sucking them into his mouth and savoring the dulled tang of your juices with a moan as he licked them clean, brown eyes fluttering shut as he did so. You’d just cum within an inch of your life, but the sight of him had a rush of slick slipping past your folds, drenching your cunt more than it already was.

When his eyes opened again, they were dark and yet aglow with a predatory gleam. He grabbed the back of your leg and pushed it over his shoulder, leaning over you so that it almost pressed into yours. You tried to readjust yourself to accommodate the stretch of it, but that was forgotten when you felt the mushroom head of his cock rubbing at your folds. You were barely able to let out a small gasp when he notched the head at your entrance before he was pressing inside you, all the way down to the hilt. Your mouth fell open as you abandoned your hold on the sheets in favor of digging your nails into his sides, the stretch burned in the best of ways. Your cunt already felt sore, labia stretching around him and he was only getting started. 

Despite how often you’d had sex and the fact that you’d literally had his baby, taking Eddie’s cock always proved to be somewhat of a challenge, one that you never failed.

Eddie hissed, both at the sensation of your nails scraping his skin and at the tight, vise-like squeeze of your cunt around his cock as he sank into you. You were always so fucking tight. Under normal circumstances, he liked to make sure you came at least twice before he gave you his cock, but Penny always chose to wake up exactly when she shouldn’t and Eddie needed to cum inside you before that inevitably happened.

He gave you a couple of shallow ruts, pressing your other leg out along the mattress to further open you up; it worked, his cock easily able to glide in and out of your silky heat. It was dramatic, you were being dramatic, but you thought you might die from how good it felt to have Eddie crack your molten center open over him.

“There we go, ‘atta girl,” he panted, leaning down to press his lips to yours in a messy kiss.

He was ruthless with his rhythm, hips thrusting into yours so hard it sent your body up the sheets. The headboard banged against the wall and Eddie cast it a quick glance, lips twitching in amusement as he took notice of the marks there from your previous unions. 

“You want it hard, doll?”

You nodded, teeth digging into your lower lip to keep from screaming with how deep he was buried. He always liked to be buried balls deep and that meant it was nearly impossible for you to hold off on cumming.

His heavy sack smacked against your ass with each of his thrusts, the sounds resonating within the room were absolutely wicked, wet and music to your own ears.

“Eddie! Eddie, I’m gonna cum,” You tried to warn, face ruddy and chest heaving as he pounded into you.

“Then do it. Cum for me. Cum on my cock, fucking getting me soaked—c’mon, let me feel it,” he demanded, leaving no room for arguments as his fingers danced down your body to work your clit again. 

Your thighs quivered as you came, body tensing before you went lax, doing exactly what he demanded of you. Eddie growled when your pussy convulsed and spilled around him, making it that much easier for him to fuck into you.

“Holy shit,” He hissed, sweat beading along his forehead, making the hairs of his fringe stick messily to his forehead. You stared up at him in adoration as you came down from subspace, admiring the way his mouth was agape so he could pant out harsh breaths, the way his skin glowed under the layer of sweat resting over it, and how tightly his eyes were screwed shut from the pleasure you were providing him.

You could feel the tackiness of your combined fluids, his thighs sticking to yours as he pounded into your core. You knew this was going to end in a good, hot mess and you wanted it sooner rather than later.

“C’mon, baby,” you encouraged, shaky hands reaching up to card through his messy curls, massaging his sweaty scalp and he whimpered when you clenched around him again, eager to bring him to his end. “Cum inside me.”

He slammed a fist down near the side of your head as he came with a sputtered moan of your name, flooding your insides and painting your walls with spurt after spurt of his seed before collapsing over you, spent and satiated.

After catching a few puffs of lost breath, you pressed kisses into the damp skin of his forehead, holding his sweaty body to yours as his face nuzzled into the crook of your neck, trailing his own kisses along the area. 

“Goddamn, were you trying to kill me?” He lifted himself off of you, rolling onto his side before tugging you to his chest, your slack body giving way easily.

“You started it!” You curled into him without a second thought, trying to ignore how gross your lower halves were.

“Yeah, well, you helped finish it.” He pressed his lips to the top of your head before he threw an arm over his eyes. “Holy hell, I’m gonna need some recovery time.”

Right on cue, Penny’s cooing could be heard through the baby monitor you kept on the nightstand near the bed. While she didn’t sound upset, you both hated to just leave her to keep herself company.

Eddie stared at it in disbelief, “How does she know?”

You laughed as you pulled away from him and threw on one of his shirts before standing to dig around in one of the dresser drawers for a fresh pair of panties you’d no doubt have to change again later after a much needed shower. 

“It’s her sixth sense,” you teased as you slipped your legs into your underwear, sliding them up over your messy core. “She knows when you're being lazy.”

Eddie rolled his eyes, tonguing his canine as he fought to not smile when you slipped out of the room to retrieve his daughter from solitary confinement. It didn’t work. 

He stretched as he stood up, more than happy to peruse the room butt naked in search of his boxers. He settled on a pair of sweats when it became clear he had no idea where he’d thrown his  pants and underwear in the heat of things and joined you in the living room, beaming when he caught sight of you holding Penny to your right breast on the couch.

You looked much happier, hand stroking over her curly little head as she nursed. Penny’s tiny fingers curled into loose fists as she slumped into your embrace, humming sounds of satisfaction against your skin.

“Did it work?” He asked as he plopped down next to you, encouraging you to lean into his side which you happily complied with.

“Pretty sure.” It was obvious it had, you could feel the difference. Your nipple was definitely sore and you were positive you’d have to ice it or something later, but Penny was content, suckling a lot easier than she had been before because she was actually able to get more than just a couple of drops at a time.

She reached a small arm up towards you as she stared up at you and Eddie, and you slipped your finger into her hold, heart squeezing when her small fingers curled around it, her lips smiling around your nipple at the contact. You felt silly about your earlier dramatics, it was clear she loved you and you loved her. You were born to be her mom, and absolutely ecstatic about it. You had this. You knew what you were doing. And in the moments where you thought you didn’t, you had Eddie to help and reassure you.

You two were gonna be great parents, you were sure of it.

Eddie kissed the side of your head as you relaxed into him, resting his chin on your shoulder to stare down at his baby girl. Only, she loved to stare right back at Eddie, so much so that she abandoned your boob to crane her head further in his direction. She must have been going ham because you were still leaking when her mouth left your nipple, milk spraying along the side of her face.

Penny didn’t even bat an eye, choosing to continue staring at her dad as you both laughed and you hurried to cover your breast to stop the spillage.

Eddie reached down to caress the side of her face, wiping the liquid away. “Okay, you’re done here. After all I did to get her going again, you’re just gonna waste it? Done.”

[asdfghjklmals]

MILESTONES✩༶‧˚

GENRE + T/W: sfw, fluff. suggestive comments. WORD COUNT: 6.0k words. TAGS: satoru gojo x fem!oc, dadtobe!gojo, pregnant!oc, established couple. a lil' jealous!oc.

SYNOPSIS: a compilation of short stories about the stages of pregnancy with oc gojo girlfriend and satoru. AUTHOR'S NOTE: please make sure to read 'accidents' before milestones. i couldn't have you guys miss out on oc gojo girlfriend and satoru's pregnancy journey. it was so fun to write this. a lot of research went into the baby gojo chronicles, i honestly think my fbi agent thinks i'm pregnant. REMINDER: if you want to imagine yourself in oc gojo girlfriend's character descriptions instead, please do!

8 weeks: the first pre-natal appointment

it has been two weeks since you and satoru decided that you were going to keep the baby. this week was your first pre-natal appointment to "meet" baby gojo. you couldn't tell who was more nervous, you or satoru.

during your appointment, satoru sat in the exam room as the nurse drew your blood to perform tests and to confirm the pregnancy. the nurse also performed a pap smear, which freaked satoru out after he saw what a speculum looked like. he said it looked like a 'torture chamber tool' and you wholeheartedly agreed with him.

you exchanged soft smiles with satoru multiple times throughout your appointment. satoru was engrossed with the entire process. his curiousness was adorable in your eyes as he asked your nurse questions about all the procedures and tests she was performing. about an hour later after receiving the results of your blood tests, your doctor entered the room.

“well, first things first, congratulations on your pregnancy (y/n)! your blood test came back positive with hcg.” your doctor began, “now let’s talk about some upcoming lifestyle changes you'll have to make.”

“wait, when do we get to see the baby?” satoru interrupted. you glared at him, dark green eyes telling him ‘shut up, satoru’.

“we’ll perform the ultrasound after this, satoru.” your doctor chimed. “(y/n), i want you to start taking a pre-natal. stop eating raw fish, deli meats, and eat thoroughly cooked meats for now.”

you blinked twice. that meant no sushi for you. your heart sank a little. satoru noticed the disappointment shift in your mood. he felt a little guilty.

"so that's why you had me cook your steak well-done..." satoru whispered to himself. you scoffed at his sudden realization from two weeks ago. (read ‘accidents’ here)

“do you or satoru have any pre-existing medical conditions in either families?”

“no. but he might be pre-diabetic by the time he’s 40.” you snorted.

satoru chuckled and reported back, “there’s nothing on my side of the family to note.”

“that’s great to hear. just be aware of gestational diabetes, (y/n). i know you love your chocolate ice cream so watch your intake.” your doctor typed some notes in your patient profile, “your due date is looking close to october 14th. any other questions?”

“can the baby come earlier?” satoru quickly asked.

your doctor smiled at the both of you, “i wouldn’t necessary call it early, but babies are considered full term at 37 weeks. it would be good for the baby to be born around or after that time.”

“uhm, do you think i’ll be able to give birth vaginally?” you asked next. your sister-in-law had to have c-sections, so that worried you. her recovery was a journey for her and honestly, it scared you. but you were willing to do whatever it takes to make sure baby gojo arrived safely.

“as long as there aren’t any complications, of course. we can plan on that. we'll just have to monitor how your pregnancy is going.” your doctor picked up on yours and satoru’s quiet and awkward social queues, "and yes, you can still have sex while you're pregnant.

"oh, thank god." satoru sighed in relief as you smacked him with the back of your hand. he was so embarrassing.

"please, just ignore him." you looked at your doctor, cheeks cherry red.

she laughed and asked the most important question of the day, “are you guys ready to meet your baby?”

you nodded your head and giggled, “yes. i think satoru’s more excited than i am. he won't shut up about it.”

“i’ve been waiting two weeks for this moment.” satoru said with a sheepish smile, his hand scratching the back of his fresh undercut. his blue eyes peeking through from his sunglasses.

“okay, let’s get started then.” your doctor announced while snapping on her sterile gloves. “we’ll be performing a transabdominal ultrasound today, nothing painful.”

she squeezed a handful of gel to apply to your belly. you jumped in your seat.

“are you okay?” satoru asked, concerned at your sudden movement.

you reassured him, “yeah, the gel is just cold.”

your doctor laughed in amusement and started to rub the wand around your abdomen. you heard a fast thumping noise.

“is that the heartbeat?” you wondered, looking at the black and white screen. satoru smiled from ear-to-ear as he cupped his cheek in his right hand, his left hand squeezing yours. hearing his baby’s heartbeat might take the cake for one of his favorite sounds in the world, next to your laugh.

your doctor reported back, “yup. a healthy 138 bpm. i’m gonna take some pictures now…”

you saw a tiny circle in the middle of the monitor as your doctor clicked away on her computer mouse.

“is that the baby?” satoru asked, squinting at the monitor.

“yes. you see the little image that looks like a bean?” she clicked again, “it’s about half an inch… that’s your baby.”

“it’s so cute. how tiny. a baby bean…” you gushed. you turned to look at satoru. he was itching his eyes.

“satoru gojo, are you crying?” you asked in disbelief.

he quickly defended himself, avoiding all eye contact with you. “no! something just got in my eye.”

he was such a liar. his infinity would never allow anything to touch his precious six eyes.

your doctor laughed at the sweet moment between the two of you. you watched the love of your life stare at the black and white screen in amazement. your heart felt like it was going to burst watching him. you wanted to hold him tightly and never let go.

12 weeks: surprise! we’re pregnant!

it was so hard for you and satoru to keep your pregnancy a secret for the past 6 weeks. the only two people who knew you were pregnant were shoko and megumi.

your doctor had advised you to wait until the end of your first trimester to announce your pregnancy because of the risk of miscarriage. once you made it past the first trimester, you thought about how you were going to tell everyone. of course, you and satoru wanted it to be a surprise. an imaginary lightbulb lit above your head.

“babe, i have an idea.” you said excitedly, grabbing satoru’s arm as he was looking through your office drawers for something sweet to snack on.

“hmmm. what is it, sweetheart?” he asked as he unwrapped a piece of chocolate. you always kept a stash of satoru's favorite chocolates in your desk for him because he loved to hide in your office and avoid his sensei duties.

“you know how we usually take a group picture with the faculty, students, and sister school every year? let's tell principal yaga to schedule it early this year.”

“oh, i like where this is going.” satoru laughed. he read your mind. you high-fived him. he gave you a quick peck on the cheek. couples’ telepathy was really a thing.

*********************************

“and why do we have to be here?” maki complained as she folded her arms. she wanted to train, not take a silly picture.

“come on, maki! it’s tradition to get a picture of all the students and faculty. it’s just that we’re taking the picture earlier than usual this year.” panda said as he patted her back.

“even okkotsu came back from his training to be in the picture. my sister flew in just to be in it too.” megumi said as he watched yuta interact with the students from kyoto. tsumiki was attached to your hip. megumi already knew the real reason why the picture was scheduled so early in the school year and why tsumiki was asked to be in the picture.

“alright! everyone looks great.” yuji cheered as he walked to his assigned spot for the group picture.

principal yaga gathered everyone, “please make your way to the field and get into your assigned spots. satoru will be pressing the button for the camera since he can teleport to his spot quickly.”

you nervously watched as all the students and jujutsu high faculty made their way to their spots, getting ready for the picture.

“okay everyone!” satoru shouted as he prepared himself to teleport next to you and megumi, “i’m pressing the timer!”

satoru appeared by your side as the 10 second timer ticked. satoru sneakily pressed record instead taking of a picture. “everyone say ‘(y/n)-sensei’s pregnant’!”

everyone stopped to look at you and satoru in confusion.

“what?”

“what did he say?”

“huh?!”

“(y/n)-sensei… is pregnant?!”

“wait what?”

“holy shit, (y/n)-sensei is pregnant!”

after a few seconds of questioning, everyone realized what had just happened. you had just announced your pregnancy.

in that moment, you were tackled by tsumiki, megumi, yuji, nobara, and yuta as they cheered around you in a group hug. ijichi, akari, principal yaga, nanami, ino, mei, utahime and shoko were all congratulating satoru. they took turns speaking with the both of you, giving you well wishes on a safe and healthy pregnancy.

“congrats, (y/n)-sensei.” maki said with a soft smile, embarrassed she complained about being here. she wouldn’t have wanted to miss this.

panda added, “yes, congratulations! we’re excited to see you and satoru become parents.”

“salmon, salmon!” toge congratulated you in his own words.

“thanks everyone. if you guys aren’t busy, we’re going to have a celebratory dinner tonight at splendid sushi. satoru’s treat.” you winked.

“hey! i heard that!” satoru shouted at you from across the field as he grinned. both you and satoru were thrilled to see everyone’s excitement on the news of baby gojo.

*********************************

“are you nervous to tell my brother you knocked up his little sister?” you teased satoru. you kissed his cheek as he brushed the loose strands of black hair behind your ear.

“nah, i’m sure he wants nieces and nephews for his kids. plus, it was an accident.” he joked as he drummed his fingers on the restaurant table. you and satoru people-watched through the restaurant window, waiting for touya and his wife. (a/n: yeah, touya is married with 2 kids now. his wife’s name is hana. a non-sorcerer. maybe i'll write a wedding fic.)

you smiled as you saw your brother walk into the restaurant, holding the door open for hana. touya’s black hair and golden-yellow eyes beamed when he saw you satoru.

“satoru! how have you been, bro?!” touya greeted his self-proclaimed brother, pulling him in for a bro hug.

“i can’t believe he hugged satoru first.” you looked at hana in disbelief as she giggled, hugging you instead.

“they really are bestfriends now.” hana realized as she sat across from you.

satoru sat back down in his seat next to you, touya sitting across from him. “glad you guys could have lunch with us. it’s been awhile.”

“we have a gift for you guys! a souvenir from our last trip.” you lied to your brother and sister-in-law. you pushed a card and white box towards them.

“open it. it’s special, made especially for you.” satoru urged, touya and hana taking the card to open first.

“what do you get a brother who already has everything?” touya read out loud. hana curiously reading along with him. satoru placed his hand on your thigh. the both of you were grinning from ear-to-ear watching the two open the box. they pulled out a beige baby onesie.

touya read the text on the onesie, “how about the title uncle and auntie…?”

after putting 2+2 together, touya hid his face with his hands, both him and hana were so happy for you and satoru. your eyes started to water watching them. a tearful laugh came out of you.

“congratulations, you two. my baby sis is having a baby...” touya said as he got up to embrace you.

you hugged him tighter, “thanks, touya…” you softly said. the warmth of your brother's love and support making you extremely emotional. these pregnancy hormones were out. of. control.

18 weeks: an important question

"aren't you curious to what the gender is?" shoko asked you and satoru. you asked shoko to join you two for lunch today because you had an important question to ask the amber-eyed doctor in regards to your unborn child.

you took a bite of your chicken katsu before answering, "of course we are. but we decided not to find out because we want it to be a surprise."

“what do you want it to be? a boy or girl?”

“it doesn’t matter. as long as baby gojo is healthy.” satoru stereotypically said as he stretched his arm to rest over your shoulder. he secretly wanted a girl.

you added, “we raised megumi and tsumiki. we already experienced the best of both worlds. so i’m not picky.”

“i guess i’m just being selfish because i want to know the gender.” shoko laughed as she took a sip of her mimosa.

“oh! shoko, we have a present for you.” you said as you put down your chopsticks. you turned to satoru and he grabbed another white box with a card attached do it, similar to the one you gave touya and hana.

“it better be the gender of your baby.” she laughed as she took the present from satoru.

“it’s something even better.” satoru said with his signature shit-eating grin.

shoko opened the card, reading it out loud, “i need an extra pair of hands to help me learn and grow… i know that yours will be the best because mommy and daddy told me so…?” she looked at the card, confused.

you asked her clearly while trying not to laugh, “shoko, will you be baby gojo’s godmother?”

shoko stared at both you and satoru after she realized what you had just asked of her. she started to chuckle as she got out of her seat to hug you. “of course, i will. hopefully your baby won’t grow up to be a little shit like satoru.” she said as she punched the white-haired sorcerer in the arm, satoru completely letting her bypass his infinity to do so.

“there’s another gift in there.” satoru added, pointing at the giant glass.

shoko picked up the pint glass and read the etching, “you drink too much. you smoke too much. and you cheated on your medical exam. we can’t think of anyone more suitable to be baby gojo’s godmother.”

shoko laughed, “okay, this might have been better than finding out the gender of your baby.”

26 weeks: baby gojo’s first (external) kick

megumi came home this weekend to spend time with you, satoru, and tsumiki. normally, he would be spending his free time exploring japan with nobara and yuji, but since you were pregnant and tsumiki was back for her semester break from her study abroad program, he wanted to spend his free time with his family.

you were in the kitchen with tsumiki making dinner while satoru and megumi sat around the living room with his demon dogs, shiro and kuro. catoru was lounging in their cat scratch post and your spirit birds were out on the patio enjoying the weather. you didn’t realize how zoo-like your home was until now... and that wasn't even including all of megumi's shikigami either.

while chopping vegetables, tsumiki updated you on her high school adventures abroad. ever since she started at e.f. academy, she has been non-stop on-the-go with extracurricular activities. she told you about her latest projects, how the weather was in california, about all the friends she made, and even the boy she had a small crush on. (read 'wherever you are' here)

on the couch, megumi spoke with satoru about his shikigami and how he’s been able to tame a majority of them now. this was the first time in awhile those two haven’t bickered in your presence, and it was a sight to behold.

you rested your hands on your belly as you leaned your back against the kitchen counter, listening to your sweet teenager talk about how cute her crush was. you reminisced about your time in high school, how you thought satoru was a complete asshole when you first met him, and how his good looks and horrible personality made up for it. if your 18 year old self could see you now, she wouldn’t believe the sight. (read 'love at first fight' here)

you felt a little tap against your hands. “huh?” you said out loud, realizing what you just felt on your hands.

“(y/n)? are you okay?” tsumiki asked as she put down the chopping knife. satoru and megumi turned around from the couch, all the attention was on you.

“i think baby gojo just kicked my hand.” you announced. only you were able to feel baby gojo kick internally for the past couple weeks, but now, you thought that satoru and the kids would be able to actually feel the kicks from the outside too.

“hurry, come over here!” you said frantically, hoping baby gojo would kick again. satoru dramatically teleported beside you as megumi hopped over the couch ledge to race over to the kitchen, kuro and shiro following him.

you took all three of their hands and placed it on your belly where you thought baby gojo was. the demon dogs sniffed around you, their tails wagging happily. you pursed your lips, waiting for another kick. you felt kuro and shiro licking your hands.

and there it was. another gentle kick from baby gojo.

“i felt it!” tsumiki cheered as she jumped around the kitchen. her bright smile lighting up the room.

satoru hugged you from behind. you both smiled while watching tsumiki and megumi. megumi looked at his hand, and then back at your stomach.

“did you feel it, megumi?” you asked him with a smile.

“yeah, i did.” he said softly. “that was pretty cool.”

“what about you, daddy?” you grinned as you asked satoru.

megumi gagged at satoru’s new title, “gross. i’m leaving.”

you and satoru watched as your moody teenager made his way back to the couch, tsumiki’s attention back on chopping vegetables. satoru’s arms were still wrapped around you, his face nuzzled in the crook of your neck. baby gojo kicked once more.

“i think baby gojo is saying ‘let go of us so mommy can finish cooking’.” you giggled as you turned around to face the white haired sorcerer. you caressed his cheek with your palm. he snuck two kisses on your neck.

“fine… but i expect some alone time later.” he winked at you before kissing the palm of your hand.

you laughed, “sorry, babe, the kids are home this weekend, plus you get me all to yourself next week when we go to mexico for our baby moon.”

30 weeks: a first time parents' class

"babe, get ready. i signed us up for a class."

"what kind of class? it better not be another ‘how to have sex while pregnant’ class." you rolled your eyes at the ridiculous class that satoru signed you up for at the beginning of your pregnancy. you sighed, your belly weighing you down on your very comfortable white couch that you would probably need satoru's help getting out of.

he grinned at you as he grabbed your purse and your shoes. "a first time parents class."

your doctor recommended that you and satoru waited until your third trimester to take a 'first time parent' class. the class would teach new parents about the different kinds of births, pain management strategies, what to do if and when your water breaks, how to time contractions, postpartum care, caring for the baby, and baby first aid.

“do we have to go?” you asked, “i’m tired.” feigning exhaustion as you put the back of your hand over your eyes and forehead.

“of course we have to go!” satoru exclaimed as he sat down next to you. he was always so excited whenever it came to anything related to baby gojo. he slipped on your white sneakers for you, swiftly tying your shoe laces bunny ear style as you sat up on your elbows. you caught yourself smiling at him. he was so doting. you could definitely get used to this.

satoru studied you. you weren't wearing any makeup today, but you had the radiant "pregnancy glow" that everyone talked about. you wore a beige dress under a white crop t-shirt that hugged your belly tightly. “you look beautiful, so no need to change or do your makeup.”

“you just don’t want to be late.” you laughed. this was the first time that satoru gojo was on time for anything.

*********************************

satoru teleported you both to the hospital in tokyo that you go to for your all your doctor appointments. apparently the hospital was hosting the class he signed up for. there were many pregnant women with their significant others, friends, mothers, and mother-in-laws sitting around the small auditorium.

as you entered the room, you heard gasps and whispers about satoru.

“wow! what a good looking guy!”

“he’s a total hottie!”

“that guy is gonna be a dilf for sure!”

“do you see the cutie with the white hair and blue eyes?!”

“where should we sit?” satoru asked as he held your hand. you looped your free arm around his bicep covetously, staking claim to your man as if your very pregnant belly didn't do so already.

“don’t pretend like you don’t hear all the women in this room talking about you.” you hissed at him as you sat down in a seat closer to the front of the auditorium. because this happened everywhere you went with satoru, normally it wouldn't bug you, but for some reason it did today.

“somebody’s a green eyed monster today.” he sang with a smug smile. it was his favorite analogy to use when you were jealous because your green eyes were so fitting. he sat down next to you, draping his left arm around your shoulder, his right elbow perched on the arm rest. after over a decade of being with you, he was unphased by comments from other women. he ate it all up in high school, but satoru gojo became a changed man once he met you.

“am not.” you said under your breath. you stayed quiet for a moment. “babe, i just think it’s funny how—”

satoru's left ear was saved as your 'i think it's funny how' rant was interrupted by the presenter, “good afternoon! and welcome to the first time parents class!”

even though you were jealous and didn’t like how all the other women in the auditorium were drooling over satoru, you couldn’t stay mad. throughout the years, satoru’s beautiful blue eyes have never strayed and he never made you feel unwanted, even when you argued or when you were being difficult and stubborn. he was never bothered by your jealously. you were the only person he chased after since the day he met you at jujutsu high.

throughout the class, satoru took notes on his phone and asked questions during the q&a. it was hard to stay mad at a man as dedicated and involved as satoru gojo. you decided to just ignore the women in the class, however, that didn’t mean that you wouldn’t cling to satoru when the class ends.

*********************************

“so, what’d you think about the class?” satoru asked as he placed your go-to order of ice cream in front of you. he sat across from you as you glared at his sweet, handsome, smug face.

“it was fine. we learned a lot of information, don’t you think?” you deferred as you scooped a spoonful of ice cream into your mouth.

“yeah, and i learned that you still get jealous til’ this day.” satoru poked fun at you. “remember the first time i took you shopping in shibuya? you were soooo jealous of all the girls talking about me and you weren’t even my girlfriend at the time.” he laughed at the memory. (read ‘love at first fight’ here)

you quipped back, “satoru, everyone knows that you’re the one who’s obsessed with me.”

“true,” he agreed while taking a bite of your ice cream, “but it’s nice to see that side of you every once in awhile. what’s my baby gonna do when she’s not my number one anymore?” he mocked in a playful tone, shooting a bright toothy smile at you.

your emerald green eyes pierced his sapphire blue eyes. “what do you mean by that?”

“baby gojo is gonna be my number one.” satoru said nonchalantly, licking caramel off your spoon.

you took your ice cream away from him. holding the cup closer to you instead of putting it in the middle of the table to share.

satoru chastised you, “that’s not nice, sweetheart.”

“you’re insufferable, babe.” you rolled your eyes at him. “first, you let women drool all over you in front of me, then you tell me that i’m not your number one anymore. what’s next? you don’t love me either?”

“there you go with the theatrics.” satoru sighed, folding his arms. he wouldn't expect anything less from his life partner.

“i learned from the best teacher, i think his name was satoru gojo.” you winked at him.

"it's a good thing i love you." satoru said as he leaned over the table to kiss you on the lips. he tasted just like caramel.

32 weeks: nesting

"this fucking crib is going to be the death of me." satoru muttered under his breath as he struggled putting together the 'smart' crib that he bought. as soon as satoru found out you were pregnant, he spent a whole month researching cribs to decide which one he was going to buy for baby gojo. he decided on the most expensive one, thinking that it would be the best. rich people logic. this crib was called a 'snoo'.

"you didn't have to get such a high tech crib, babe." you said as you sat on the bed folding warm, freshly washed baby clothes and baby bedding for the snoo. you admired how cute and small the onesies were. because you and satoru didn't know the gender of your baby, you bought a lot of neutral colored clothing like beiges, tans, browns, and whites.

"my baby is going to have the best everything." satoru boasted. of course, baby gojo was going to be spoiled. they had you and satoru gojo as their parents.

during the past couple of weeks, you and satoru had bought a handful of important things that new parents would need for a newborn baby such as a crib, stroller, car seat, changing table dresser, and a comfortable lounging chair for your bedroom to put next to baby gojo's crib for the late night feeds.

satoru insisted that everything would be 'nuna' branded. the employee at his favorite department store convinced him after they mentioned that nuna was the "lamborghini of baby strollers and car seats." the matching stroller and car seat system was well over $1,000, you couldn't argue with satoru about how much he was spending because it would be hypocritical of you and your spending habits. so you let him get what he wanted.

after hours of setting up the snoo, putting together the baby stroller, installing the car seat, and building the dresser, satoru sighed, "what a long day." he crawled under the covers to meet you in bed, the back of his hand covering his face in exhaustion.

“it’s a good thing you could just use blue to move the lounge chair from the front door to the bedroom. you probably would've broke your back.” you teased him, knowing satoru gojo doesn’t do manual labor.

“the one easy part about today.” he complained.

while satoru took on his fatherly projects, you were able to deep clean the apartment, put baby clothes and diapers into the newly built dresser, add the clean bedding to the snoo, and re-organize all the drawers in the apartment. you were in the nesting stage of your pregnancy.

you turned to face him, your pregnancy pillow creating a divide between you and the exhausted sorcerer. he flattened your pregnancy pillow with his arm as you took his hand to lace your fingers with.

“you could’ve hired someone to build the snoo and the dresser, satoru.” you said to him, knowing that he normally would’ve.

“yeah, i know, but this is for my baby. i want to make sure everything is perfect.”

your heart melted at the fact that satoru was giving it his all to be involved. deep down, he wanted to be a good father and you could see that. you were proud of him.

"congrats, daddy. you just spent the day nesting with me." you smiled. you knew satoru secretly adored his new title.

the white haired sorcerer laughed, “what the hell is nesting? are we birds?”

“nesting is when couples get their home ready for the baby, satoru.”

“oh yeah? spending hours organizing drawers is nesting? because there’s nothing baby gojo will hate more than the junk drawer we have in the kitchen.” satoru teased.

you kissed the back of your teeth in annoyance, “you have been saying for years that you’d clean out the junk drawer. i found crayons in there from when megumi was in elementary school. he's a high schooler now. it only took me getting knocked up for it to finally be clean.”

you turned your body away from satoru. he moved your pregnancy pillow so he could cling to you (and so that he could be the big spoon).

“i’m just kidding, babe.” he whispered in your ear, kissing the back of your shoulder blade with his soft lips.

“uh huh. go to sleep, satoru.” you replied back to him, attempting to shut your eyes.

“so feisty…” satoru mumbled, still peppering soft kisses along your shoulder blade.

37 weeks: full term

"well... i can give birth at any time now." you said as you read your 'what to expect' app.

satoru placed his free hand on your stomach as he joined you on the white fluffy couch in your living room. you moved satoru's hand to where baby gojo was, using his hand to press firmly into your stomach.

he quickly pulled his hand away from you, afraid that he hurt you and baby gojo, "doesn't that hurt your stomach when you press that hard?" he asked.

"babe, no. give me your hand back. you'll be able to feel baby gojo's feet." you said, reaching for his hand that he reluctantly gave back to you. he leaned over to see what the hard feeling in your stomach was.

"that's baby gojo's feet?" he asked, amazed.

"yeah, baby gojo is literally killing me right now though." you said as you shifted uncomfortably. baby gojo liked to sleep in this position, making you lay on your left side more often.

satoru frowned, he knew you were uncomfortable now more than ever. "i'm sorry, babe."

you squinted at him, "what are you apologizing for?"

"for getting you pregnant."

you couldn’t tell if he was joking or not, so you nuzzled your head on his chest. he pulled you closer to him, "don't apologize for that. apologize if i'm not able to get an epidural or something." you snickered as you looked up at him, "ready to read week 37?"

satoru nodded and kissed the top of your head as you laid against him.

"baby gojo is as big as a canary melon. estimating 19 inches, and 6 pounds. at 37 weeks, you're 9 months pregnant with the end in sight." you read out loud.

satoru took the phone from you to read his part, "at a glance, if baby gojo was born this week, they'd still be early term. baby gojo is practicing for their grand entrance by inhaling and exhaling amniotic fluid, blinking, and turning from side to side. baby gojo can grab onto things now. baby gojo is likely to be sucking their thumb a lot these days in preparation for feeding sessions."

"it says babies grow about a pound a week. the average fetus weighs about 6 pounds. and that boys are likely to be heavier than girls." you read, "since it's a little crowded in your uterus now, baby gojo may not be kicking as much. instead, they're probably stretching, rolling and wiggling." you laughed because baby gojo was still kicking strong, sometimes it was painful, stopping you in your tracks in the middle of the day.

satoru blue-eyes widened as he read the next paragraph, "here's an interesting fact. at birth, baby gojo's head, which is still growing, will be about the same circumference as their chest."

"i pray to god that baby gojo doesn't have your big head or my vagina is toast." you joked.

satoru glared at you, shaking his head while chuckling. he went back to read through some of the pregnancy symptoms. he noticed that you experienced a majority of the symptoms on the list: the pelvic pain, leg cramps, pregnancy brain, and insomnia.

because you were of small stature, you started experiencing more pressure on your pelvis as the weeks went by. sometimes satoru would hold up your belly for you with his infinity whenever you were close by, and you were thankful for such a helpful cursed technique.

before bed, satoru would feed you bananas and massage your legs to help with the leg cramps. with your breasts and stomach as big as they've ever been, you finally got your stretch marks. for the majority of your pregnancy you were stretch mark-free, they didn't appear until the third trimester. satoru liked to call them your 'tiger stripes' when he would help you apply stretch mark creams and oils to your body. him helping you apply those creams and oils was a form of intimacy you didn't know you needed during this time. satoru always knew how to make you feel confident again.

your pregnancy brain caused you to be a little forgetful, so the acrylic whiteboard in the kitchen was your bestfriend. you left little reminders on the board for yourself, satoru, and megumi throughout your pregnancy.

lastly, it was hard for you to sleep now that you were in the home stretch of your pregnancy. every sleeping position was uncomfortable, and you had to wake up multiple times a night to use the bathroom. you never got a consistent amount of sleep.

even though being pregnant was uncomfortable, you experienced some of the best memories with satoru this year: your trip to mexico gifted from touya, your surprise pregnancy announcement, asking shoko to be baby gojo’s godmother, and all the special intimate moments with satoru. your unborn baby was already so loved by everyone. you couldn't have asked for a better accidental pregnancy.

you and satoru laid on the couch together all afternoon, enjoying each other's presence in this chaotic life for jujutsu sorcerers. catoru purred and slept next to you two on the chaise, your spirit birds perched on their stands as they watched over the apartment. you dozed in and out of sleep throughout the day as sleep was rare for you lately.

you felt satoru's warm hand on your belly again, you held his hand and lifted your head, emerald greens looking towards him.

"babe, i have a serious question." you said softly.

raising your hand to kiss your knuckles, he asked you curiously, "and what's your serious question?"

"are you ready to be a dilf?" you laughed.

"are you ready to be a milf?" he asked you back, chuckling, "cause you are definitely a milf, babe."

you smiled at satoru as he continued to plant soft kisses on your hand, "yeah, i'm ready to evict baby gojo."

little did you and satoru know, baby gojo would break your water next week to make their dramatic entrance into the world. yours and satoru's lives would be forever altered.

satoru and oc gojo girlfriend go on a baby moon from week 27, read the bonus chapter, ‘baby moon’ here.

or are you ready to meet baby gojo? read the next chapter, ‘hello baby’ here.

© 2023 ASDFGHJKLMALS — ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. PLEASE DO NOT COPY, TRANSLATE, OR REPOST MY WORK.

DIVIDERS PROVIDED BY @/ANLIAN-AISHANG

[drferox]

My MS Diagnosis

So I’m approaching the 2 year mark since my Multiple Sclerosis diagnosis and I thought I’d better document how I got here, because being the patient is a weird experience, especially for a condition that had kind of vague symptoms that needed a fair amount of work up.

My symptoms actually started in early 2020, when I was in the third trimester of pregnancy. The main symptom was mistaken for carpal tunnel syndrome - numbness in my fingers that would progress to increasingly violent pins & needles sensations, that would progress to burning if I tried to push through it. Only this sensation would extend all the way up to my shoulders at times. I stopped performing surgery, because not only was I unsatisfied with my lack of sensation to know what I was doing with my tissue handling, but the pain would get worse quickly in constrictive surgical gloves in the presence of patient warming. So I stopped performing surgery in late pregnancy and was told it would get better a few months after giving birth.

It did not.

So six months after giving birth, finding myself able to use my hands for short periods but still unable to perform surgery to my standard, I went back to complain to the doctor. I also couldn’t play video games properly, my arms would often be numb when I woke up, all the way up to my shoulder, and they were super temperature sensitive. Even hot water from washing dishes would set them off.

They sent me down a carpal tunnel work up - ultrasounds and talking to a neurologist. The short version is they did tell me I had mild carpal tunnel… on one side only.

Which did not make any damn sense considering I had symptoms on both sides all the way up to my shoulder.

The worst neurologist in the world could not explain to me why a mild problem on one wrist was affecting sensation all the way up to the opposite shoulder, and just said ‘it happens sometimes’. Now, I like to think I have a solid understanding of the basics of how a body works, and was really unsatisfied with this answer. They recommended I talk to a surgeon, since I’d already been doing a bunch of physiotherapy, but I decided not to. Surgery could have put my hand in a cast for up to 6 weeks, I had a 6 month old baby to care for at home and a partner who was useless at best, and abusive at worst. I could not afford the time in a cast.

So I went to try something else, visiting an osteopath to see what they could do about my ‘mild’ carpal tunnel, and while I’m there, these headaches I’ve been getting.

She spent a good long while stretching out different muscle groups, and found that certain neck muscle stretches changed the sensations I was getting in my fingertips. So whatever was causing the hand problem was coming from somewhere in the neck, and she recommended I get a CT scan.

Went back to my doctor to get a referral for a CT scan, and explained what was going on. He thought about it for a minute, didn’t voice his concerns, and upgraded it to a neck MRI.

That MRI found a demyelinating lesion in my neck. So went back for a full Central Nervous System scan and found a couple more borderline ones.

That sent me back to a (different) neurologist, had a proper neurological exam that found a few random patches of altered skin sensation in addition to the arm weirdness I had going on. So I was probably a MS case, but not particularly severe as MS goes.

To confirm it I needed a lumbar puncture to look for oligoclonal bands in by CSF. The lumbar puncture was a moderately unpleasant experience which then mandated that I remain lying down for 24 hours so that my spinal fluid didn’t spring a leak. With a baby and a distinctly unhelpful partner, I barely made it to that 24 hours.

And then… I sprung a CSF leak. Which is a jolly weird experience I can tell you.

When your CSF leaks from a lumbar puncture you will feel perfectly fine… when you are lying flat on your back, because your spine flops over the hole and plugs the leak. If you’re upright at all the spine flops away from the hole and it slowly leaks out, and you get more of this weird frontal headache that gets worse the longer you’re upright, standing there talking to the ER admissions nurse. And the info I had explained that it can progress to seizures and similar the worse it gets, but I only got as far as pain and fuzzy vision. I seriously could only be upright for ten minutes without pain, and had to lie down to resolve it.

That required some medicine-that-looks-like-magic to fix, called a blood patch. Doctors took some of my blood, fresh out of the vein, and inserted it into my spine approximately where the leak should be, so that the clot would cover the leaky patch. Self blood magic. It worked brilliantly, about an hour later.

The CSF tap ordeal confirmed the presence of the oligoclonal bands, and then I got stunted into the public health system, in a department specifically geared towards managing Multiple Sclerosis patients. They debated for a little while, at a multidisciplinary meeting, whether I was really MS or a Clinically Isolated Syndrome (which is like Multiple Sclerosis but without the ‘Multiple’ part), but settled on MS. Yes, Tumblr, I was nearly diagnosed with CIS.

The shoe thing took about a year from when I actively complained to doctors, or about 18 months from the first probable symptoms. That’s approximate because some things that were thought to be pregnancy symptoms could have been due to MS, like fatigue and leg weakness. I’m pretty lucky that I’m comfortable in hospitals and with medical procedures, am reasonably medically literate. I think the magic phrase that got things to happen quickly was ‘these symptoms are greatly affecting my ability to do my job’.

I don’t think my MS has progressed since starting the medication (and I’ll talk about the medication in another post). I’ve acquired one additional brain lesion since diagnosis, but I have no clue what physical symptom it’s associated with.

While some symptoms are better, I still cannot perform surgery to the standard or with the endurance that I used to,so I basically don’t any more. I can do about ten minutes, which is enough to bail a new graduate vet out of trouble, but not enough to take over completely for them. I’ve had a few years to think about it but I don’t know what the MS is going to do to my career, only that I can still practice for now.

It’s not great, but it could be a whole lot worse, and that’s how I got here.

[cameronspecial]

Secrets In Tangled (Part 1)

Pairing: Anthony Lockwood x Reader

Warnings: Running Away.

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 1.8K

Summary: Being the daughter of Penelope Fittes isn't all that it is cracked up to be. She really wishes her mother would let her leave the manor.

A/N: Taglist is open for this story.

Masterlist

Most children with talent in England would love to be the child of a Fittes. The prestige that comes with just mentioning one works for Fittes is bountiful, so being related to one would multiply that by a hundred. But Y/N Fittes knew better than most. The role of Peneolpe’s daughter is not one that played out for her how most people expected. Y/N is a secret meant to be hidden away from the world. It is done out of the guise of protecting her from the harm people would want to inflict on her because of her last name, but who would want a talentless child? No matter how much she begged her mother, Y/N wasn’t allowed to go to the outside world, which meant she turned to her academics and sports to impress her mother to let her go. 

The only handful of people who knew of her existence are tutors, coaches and doctors. All adults. She learnt a wide range of subjects from a young age ranging from the history of the problem to French. She pushed herself to excel in fencing and a variety of martial arts. But no matter how well she mastered fencing against her instructor, it would not change the fact that she is powerless against a visitor. Her days have become pretty mundane and routine. She knows she is privileged. She has a safe place to live, food, and every physical object she could want. If she asked for an elephant, it would appear the next day in a newly built habitat. She would have the space on the spacious property of the manor she lives in just outside of London. But she still couldn’t help but wonder when her life would begin. 

——

Y/N is currently practicing her fencing techniques on one of the state of the arts dummy her mother had created for her. Y/N’s back is turned to the door, so the only way she knew her mother had arrived is by the opening of the gym door. She lowers her rapier, turning toward the woman. “Hello, my dear. How are your lessons coming along?” her mother inquires, approaching her daughter to give her a kiss on the forehead. Y/N moves gently away from Penelope, “They are going well. I got a hundred on all of my exams, Sir Rupert has said that my glazad is improving. And all my martial coaches have confirmed that I am on track to moving up a degree. So can I please go into London now?”

“No, dear. You know why I don’t want people to know you exist. They will hurt you to get to me. I can’t allow that to happen. How about you take up photography instead? Yes, I think that is a brilliant idea. I’ll get you a photography instructor.”

“I don’t want to do photography. I want to be around people my own age. I want to go to school. I want to know how it feels to be in a crowded restaurant that is too noise. I just feel so lonely here by myself.” 

“Then we’ll get you a cat. You can give it whatever name you want. What kind do you want?”

“Mother, please. The only thing I want is to be able to go into society like any normal teenage girl.”

“Well, that is not happening. So get over it. I am ending this conversation, now. I will come back when you finally see some sense in what I am offering.” 

With that, Penelope Fittes storms away from her daughter, leaving her to wonder if she will ever truly get to live. 

——

She knows her decision is reckless, but she needed to do it for her own sanity. She is eighteen and has never talked to anyone her own age. Packing her things is difficult, she isn’t sure exactly what she will need because of the fact that she’s only really seen London in the tabloids or on tv. She doesn’t have much money, just what she is able to pickpocket from the various people allowed into the house. So she packs that into the bag along with her favourite clothes, toiletries, a few knick-knacks and her journal that has all of her childhood photos. Once the bag is ready, she uses her knowledge to disarm the alarm system on her bedroom window and then exits using it. She stands on the roof of the wrap-around porch and dangles herself from it to safely get down. She really hopes she had correctly turned off the security cameras or else she would not have much time. 

She takes her bike out of the garage and heads to the hedge at the edge of the property. This had been a part of her plan for a while now, so she had slowly worked on making an opening in the bushes. It is big enough for her and her bike without any struggle. She makes it through and is now off of the property. Using the map, Y/N makes her way to the train station. The money she stole is just enough to pay for the train ticket and a sandwich, which she eats on the journey to her destination. A few hours later, she has reached her destination and is now in the bustling streets of London. She didn’t exactly think her whole plan through seeing as she has no place to stay tonight. She really did think her money would be enough for more, but since she was wrong, she decides to explore the city. 

The long line outside of the coffee shops attracts her attention immediately. She waits in line to enter and immediately realizes she can’t get anything when she is at the till, so she embarrassingly makes her way toward the door. The big lettering of a poster on the corkboard causes her to pause to examine it. It is a want ad for an assistant at a place called Lockwood & Co. It felt as though fate is helping her out. She pulls out her map to try to figure out how to find the address. 

——

To her surprise, 35 Portland Row is a residential house and not an agency building. It does not stop her from knocking on the door. The door opens with a breeze and behind it is just about the most beautiful boy she has ever seen. Although, he is the only boy she has ever seen in real life. He stands taller than her and his beautiful cheeky smirk could not hide the tiredness in his eyes that is amplified by his eye bag. It doesn’t deter her from thinking he is handsome. His hair is perfectly gelled and he is wearing a suit that is just shy of being the right size with beat-up trainers. “Can I help you?” his melodic voice snaps her out of her observations. She has never talked to anyone her age before and she feels a little shy, “Umm, hi. I’m Y/N Y/L/N. I’d… uh… like to apply for the assistant position.” She decides to use her father’s last name just to be safe. “Ahh, brilliant. Well, I’m Lockwood and I’ll be your interviewer,” the handsome boy leaves the doorway, leading her toward the front room. 

He motions her towards the couch, sitting in the armchair across from it. “So do you have any experience as an assistant to an agency?” he questions. 

“Uh, no. But I am very organized and have good time-management skills. I’m also very good at doing research so I can help with that too.”

“Okay, that’s good. It’s not a requirement, but do you have a talent.”

“No, I don’t.” 

“And since you haven’t handed me a resume, I’m going to assume you don’t have any.”

“I do not. But I promise that if you hire me, I will be the best assistant you have ever had. I will work my hardest to satisfy you.” 

“Okay, I believe you. You’re hired.”

Honestly, Y/N is shocked. She knew the job interview was a long shot without any experience or resume, but that went faster than she thought it would. Lockwood isn’t entirely sure he should be hiring this beautiful girl, who came in out of nowhere without any of the formal work documents. But when has he ever done anything conventionally? Plus, he recognizes the look of need in her eyes. It reminds him of someone else he once let in even though she didn’t really have her level four certificate. Lockwood stands up from his chair and motions for her to follow, “Come on. Let’s go meet the others.” 

Y/N follows him into a cozy kitchen with a short-haired girl drawing on the inked-filled tablecloth and a curly hair boy reading a newspaper. “Y/N, this is our resident listener, Lucy Carlyle and our resident researcher, George Karim. You guys, meet our newest member, Y/N Y/L/N,” Lockwood introduces. Y/N gives a shy smile and waves to the others. Before this morning, she had never been in the same room as another teen and now she is in one with three. George looks up at her in disinterest, “You can only take one biscuit at a time and you have to wait your turn to get your biscuit.” Y/N nods her head at the random rule thrust upon her but understands the logic behind it. “Wouldn’t it just be easy to count the cookies and then divide that amongst you guys?” she poses. 

“No… Okay, maybe. But we didn’t think about that. So that’s our rule.”  

The group awkwardly stares at each other. Y/N doesn’t really know how to continue a conversation when it isn’t about her academics, martial arts, or arguing with her mother. Lucy can sense the uncomfortableness Y/N is drowning in, so she decides to rescue her. Just like Lockwood, Lucy can sense the need Y/N has to find a home and decides to take her under her wing, “How about I take you on a tour?” Y/N nods and goes after Lucy, who is starting her tour. 

——

Lucy shows her all around the house, including a very cool training system, which Y/N will probably be found at late at night. The final stop of the tour is Lucy’s attic room. The room is decorated in polaroids and peppered with cassettes. It feels like a home. “And this is going to be our room,” Lucy announces, turning around towards the shocked girl. 

“How did you know?” 

“I can recognize a fellow runaway. It’s okay, we won’t pry into your past. But we can share this room. You can borrow any of my clothes and we’ll get you your own bed this weekend. Is that okay?” 

“It is more than okay. Thank you so much!”

Y/N wraps Lucy in a big hug as thanks. She can’t explain it, but she feels safe with this small trio of friends she just met. This day has gone by so fast and she just hopes she got away with her great escape. 

[ap11fc]

Part 2 of "Oh Baby"? Maybe Alexia and reader hiding the pregancy at the beginning because they want it to be just them at first. When reader is almost 5 months pregnant they tell the team and their family already knowing the gender.

Surprise (Alexia Putellas x Reader)

This is a part 2 to this fic so go check that out first! Sorry I ended up getting it out a couple days after I said I was going to but here it is, hope you all enjoy it!

---------

You sat in the waiting room of the doctors office, nervous about whether or not your girlfriend was going to show up. You knew the team had training today, but Alexia had told you that she should still be able to make the appointment. After a while, you assumed this was just going to have to be one of the appointments you did on your own. But as your name was called, Alexia came running in.

"Hey love. Am I too late?" She asked, kissing your cheek.

"Nope. Just on time," You replied giving her a small smile.

"I'm so sorry I was late. I know I told you I could make it, but then training ran over and there was a lot of traffic on the way," She began to explain.

You grabbed her hand stopping her, "It's okay. You're here now that's all that matters."

The both of you followed the nurse back to the room you would be in answering any question she had on the way. You held onto Alexia's hand tightly while you walked trying to seek any kind of comfort possible as you were anxious for what was to come.

"What's wrong baby?" Alexia questioned worryingly while the two of you were now sitting in the exam room waiting for the doctor to come see you.

"I don't know. I guess I'm just a little scared. What if something is wrong with Bean? Or they find something they didn't find last time? And finding out the gender is stressing me out a little bit. I know either way I'll be happy and when they grow up it'll ultimately be their decision but for some reason I just have an odd feeling about it all," you answered.

Bean is what the two of you had decided to call your baby. At least until you found out the gender and had decided on a name. Even though the both of you made it clear that as long as your child was happy and comfortable then their gender wouldn't matter, it just made it easier to find out the gender before trying to decide on a name.

"I'm sure everything will be fine. If there is something, then we'll get through it together, it'll be fine," Alexia reassured you, placing her hand on your thigh comfortingly.

The doctor eventually came in, and you now laid on the table with Alexia by your side holding your hand. The doctor was setting everything up for the ultrasound while explaining to the two of you what she expected to see at 20 weeks. She also made sure that the two of you wanted to find out the gender of the baby which was something both of you were a hundred percent ready for. She placed the cold gel on your now decently large belly and started the machine.

"So far everything looks good and normal and- Woah"

"Woah?" You and Alexia both asked in nervous unison.

"Sorry I didn't mean to scare you. One second, I just need to get a better look at this," The doctor said readjusting the ultrasound.

"Well was it a good woah or a bad woah?" You asked concerned.

"You guys are gonna have to decide that yourselves."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Alexia asked even more confused.

"There's two of them," She answered.

"Two what? Two babies? There are two babies inside of me?" The doctor nodded.

"We're having twins?" Alexia asked again.

"Yes, the two of you are having twins. One of them must've been further down in your pelvis and hidden behind the other baby where we couldn't see before," She confirmed turning the little TV around so we could see the both of them.

"Woah," We both said at the same time now intrigued.

The doctor chuckled at our reaction before pointing out, "And you can see here this one is a girl, and this little one over here is a boy."

"Wow. A boy and a girl," I said turning to look at Alexia with tears in my eyes.

"A boy and a girl," she repeated. "I would've never expected that," she added, chuckling and pecking my lips before wiping away my tears.

------------

Later that evening, you and Alexia were cuddling on the couch watching TV when a thought popped in your head, "Hey babe?"

"Yeah?" She placed her phone down on the coffee table giving you her full attention.

"When are we going to start telling people? I mean I know I haven't seen anyone for a few weeks because of my ankle rehab, but my stomach is getting pretty big. I'm sure if we met up with the team it would be noticeable that there is a little bean in there," You asked.

"That's a good point. I haven't really thought about it that much. If it's okay with you maybe we invite Alba over tonight, get her to bring us dinner on the way since we haven't eaten yet, and just tell her after we eat. We're also supposed to get dinner with my mom after our game on Saturday so we could just tell her then," She replied.

"Thats perfect. We could also invite the team over on Sunday for brunch or something and tell them since it's your off day. Then we can just facetime my parents tonight and let them know," You added.

"Sounds great. I'll call Alba right now."

-------

We called my parents while Alba was on the way over, and they seemed to be very excited. They were definitely surprised and said that they couldn't wait for the little babies to finally come and them be able to visit. It was always hard for you to be so far away from your family but being with Alexia and her family made up for it.

When Alba got to the apartment, she knocked on the door waiting for someone to let her in. You groaned, slowly getting up off the couch, but as soon as you got to the door it opened.

"Alba, what the hell? I just got off the couch only for you to let yourself in," you said fuming.

"I was just trying to make sure you get your exercise in but you were too slow so I just used the spare key," she teased.

You followed her into the kitchen where she set the food on the counter.

"That key is under the mat for emergencies only," you argued.

"It was an emergency, my feet started to hurt I felt like I was standing for so long," she joked.

You rolled your eyes hitting her shoulder as Alexia walked into the kitchen.

"Can the two of you not bicker with each other for 5 minutes?" She asked annoyed.

"Oh come on Ale, you know it's all out of love. Right, Y/N?" she hugged you waiting for your response.

"Eh" you smirked causing her to hit your shoulder harder than you did hers.

"Ow Alba you bi-" you went to run after her but Ale pulled you back.

"You've gotta be careful with  those little things in your belly"

"I know. I can be careful and still kick her ass. I promise," you challenged.

She chuckled, "I don't doubt that you could, but how about we just eat some dinner instead."

So the three of you sat down to eat having a normal conversation until you bit into a cucumber in your salad. You spit it out immediately running to the bathroom.

"What's wrong? You okay?" Alexia asked immediately.

"I just ate a cucumber. I think I'm going to throw up," you said disgusted.

"I thought she liked cucumbers?" Alba asked confused.

"She does, well she did, her appetite is just a little bit different now" Ale responded.

"Now? What's that supposed to mean?" she questioned.

"Nothing" Ale replied a little too quickly.

"What are you hiding from me?"

"Nothing I'm just gonna go check on Y/N. I'll be right back," Alexia got up from the table before Alba could say anything further.

You were leaning over the toilet in the bathroom when you heard the door open. You soon felt a hand pull the hair back from out of your face and a comforting hand running up and down your back.

"Are you okay love?" You just nodded slowly making your way to your feet with the help of Alexia.

"You sure? You don't have to go back out there if you don't want to. I can just tell her" She wrapped her arms around you tightly.

You shook your head, "No I want to be there with you when you do it" you said leaning into her embrace.

"Okay," She held you for a little longer until pulling away and grabbing your hand to lead you to where Alba was now in the living room sitting on the couch with her feet up watching something on the TV.

"Well make yourself at home why don't you?" Alexia said sarcastically.

"Glad you said that because I already did,"Alba replied jokingly.

"We can see that," You muttered under your breath chuckling.

"Is there something you guys need to tell me? Because you're acting weird," Alba said turning serious.

"Actually there is something pretty big we want to share with you," you said sitting in Alexia's lap on the opposite side of the couch facing Alba.

"Good news or bad?" she questioned concerned.

"Definitely good," you started.

"Very good," Alexia added grinning. "We have a couple of buns in the oven," Alexia stated excitedly, placing her hand on your belly.

"Really? When did you put them in there? Surely they're burnt by now?" she said getting up to check the oven, completely missing Alexia's gesture causing you and Alexia to both laugh.

"There isn't anything in here," she yelled from the kitchen confused.

"Different kind of bun in the oven Alba," you yelled back.

"Oh? What other kind is there?" she said closing the oven still confused. "DIOS MIO," she yelled running back into the living room, "you mean in there?" she pointed at your stomach.

Both you and Alexia nodded.

"I'm gonna be an auntie!" she jumped around excitedly. "My little niece or nephew is in there," she said placing her hand on your stomach.

"Niece and nephew," Alexia corrected.

"There's two? A boy and a girl?" She asked intrigued.

"Yep it's gonna be wild," you replied.

"Wow! I'm so excited. This is the best news I've gotten in like a month," she said chuckling.

"What happened last month?"

"This dress I wanted to buy online went on clearance," she answered causing you to roll your eyes.

______

Saturday morning came and Alexia had to leave earlier in the morning to get ready for the game so you were home alone at the moment. You ate breakfast and showered before getting ready to go to the game yourself. You eventually arrived at the Johan Cruyff Stadium finding your seats next to Alba and Eli.

"Hola Y/N, I haven't seen you in a while," Eli said greeting you.

"I know, I've missed you," you said pulling her into a hug before taking your seat between her and Alba.

"Hola hermanita," you said facing Alba.

"Hey y/n/n, how are the little ones?" she asked whispering.

"They are very good but shut up because your mum doesn't know yet," you responded.

"You told me before Mama? I knew you loved me," she replied.

"Don't be annoying," you rolled your eyes.

As the game ended, you made your way down onto the field. You said hello and congratulated your teammates on the good game and 5-0 win. Making your way over to where Mapi, Ale, and Leila were you ran into Alexia's arms.

"Baby be careful. What if I didn't catch you?" she said concerned.

"Don't be so protective, I knew you would that's why I jumped," you said kissing her cheek before turning to the others.

You hugged Mapi and Leila, talking with them until the team were needed back in the locker room. You gave Ale another hug telling her you would meet her at the restaurant with her mom before making your way back to Eli and finding the car.

Once you made it to the restaurant you sat chatting with Eli until Alexia arrived. The three of you ended up having a lovely dinner catching up on everything. After you had finished eating Alexia looked toward you asking if now was a good time and you nodded.

"So Mama, we have a surprise for you," she started.

"Uh oh I don't like surprises," she replied.

"Don't worry, you'll like this one," you said handing her a bag.

She pulled out a jersey from in the bag inspecting the front.

"A Barça jersey? I already have tons of these,"she stated confused.

"Look at the back mum,"Ale rolled her eyes.

She flipped it over to see 'Abuela' as the name on the back with a number 2. She had tears in her eyes when she turned to you.

"I knew it. I had a feeling you were pregnant. You were acting weird today and Alba was unusually nice to you," she explained. "Aw I'm so happy. My first grandbaby!" she added getting up to hug you.

"Actually mama the 2 on the jersey is for two babies. Because we're having twins," Alexia commented, adding to the surprise.

"Two? Wow that'll be a handful. This is so great, I love you both so much and my new grandbabies," Eli exclaimed pulling the two of you into a tight hug.

--------

After Saturday's dinner with her mom, you and Ale headed home, sleeping soundly before the chaos that would ensue the next morning for the team brunch. Alexia had texted on the group chat a couple days ago letting everyone know they could come over Sunday morning but not telling them anything about our anouncement.

Everyone ended up showing up around 10:30 in the morning ready to eat and have a good time. You and Alexia had it planned out to where there were games set up to keep everyone entertained and as a form of team bonding while they waited for the food to be served. As you and Ale were finishing the last bit of cooking in the kitchen, you could hear the normally rambunctious group of Mapi, Leila, Jenni, and Pereira trying to rile up everyone else during some board game they were getting overly competitive about.

You finished setting the large table and putting out all of the food before you walked over to Ale who was finishing up getting the drinks ready. You placed your arm around her waist kissing her cheek.

"You ready for this?" she asked turning toward you.

"More than ready," you stated pecking her lips.

"Hey lovebirds, can we eat yet?" Mapi asked poking her head into the kitchen.

"Yes you may Mapi," you chuckled.

"FOOD'S READY!!" she yelled causing you and Alexia to wince but the rest of the team to come running.

You all sat around the table eating and talking about random things from football to some weird food Mapi made Leila try last week. With everyone engaged in conversation, you took the time to slip away to your bedroom and grab the ultrasound pictures you and Alexia planned to use to tell the team the news.

Once you came back to the table, you looked at Ale telling her it was now or never. So she stood up getting everyone's attention by tapping her glass.

"We have an anouncement to make," Alexia declared pulling you to stand with her.

"You're getting married!" Leila shouted trying to guess.

"They're already married you idiot, "Mapi said slapping the back of her head.

"Okay that's not it but..." you said interrupting their arguing, "...We are having twins!" you shouted pulling out the two pictures of your babies.

Everyone sat shocked, staring at the pictures until Jana jumped up.

"Yay babies! I'm so excited for you guys. I'm gonna be the best babysitter," she said pulling you and Alexia into a hug.

"This is so cute. Wait how far along are you?" Frido asked excitedly.

"Five months," you replied.

"WHAT?" Everyone asked collectively.

"How did you keep it a secret that long?" Jenni questioned.

"It's really not that hard to keep a secret Jenni. You just have a loud mouth," Alexia said causing everyone to laugh.

"You mean to tell us that we had no idea you are having a baby let alone two babies for five whole months?" Mapi asked.

"Yes exactly that," you answered.

"Wow that's crazy but sick. I can be a better babysitter than Jana though," Mapi added hugging you.

Pulling away from the hug you replied, "You will not be allowed to babysit."

After listening to Mapi whine about why she wasn't gonna babysit, everyone came up giving hugs to both you and Alexia and congratulating the two of you.Eventually everyone sank back into everyday conversation, and you began to think about how lucky you were. You basically had three loving families: your own, your wife's, and your team. And now you were getting the opportunity to share that with your children and raise them around some of the strongest women you know.

"What are you thinking about?" Alexia asked you, brushing a piece of your hair behind your ear.

"Just our family, and how much support and love our children are going to feel growing up. I'm grateful to have all these wonderful people in our lives, and I'm especially grateful for you because you make my life better everyday,"  you said looking around at all your teammates around the room and settling on your wife next to you, holding her hand.

"I love you so much," she whispered kissing you passionately.

"Te quiero," you smiled pecking her lips once more.

[doodlegirl1998]

At this point in the manga, Toga has NO sympathy from me.

She fucked up, and now she has to live with the consequences. But apparently that upsets and angers her!

And it's worse with Ochako backing down and wanting to appeal to this psycho after telling her this.

In the beginning she had the potential to be good and a window into how a quirk can negatively affect a person's mental state, but now she's just a yandere waifu for people to fawn over.

Hi @theloganator101👋,

Honestly that is a completely fair view to have on Toga, one that I agree with a lot.

This is the problem with her, Toga's quirk was meant to have driven her insane, yet she's never ever shown any conflict about what she is doing.

Toga is a mass murderer and was one prior to her involvement with the league. Regardless of what the story may say now, she was always a serious and full villain. And was one before Twice's death.

She's never shown regret of "Oh no! I didn't mean to kill them! Oh no what have I done?!" before the madness of her quirk takes over which hurts her character. This makes Toga come off as a fetish - a blood themed Yandere - rather than a redeemable character.

Despite her madness she is shown to be able to exercise restraint (sparing Camie in the Hero License Exam Arc) which makes the reader wonder why she killed all those boys before. It adds doubt to the credibility of her madness.

She's never given a hero mirror, such as in Vlad King, with similar but controlled blood urges. In fact, no other character (even those with blood quirks like Vlad or Stain) have these urges. This lack of exploration hurts her character.

Her sympathetic backstory. Were her parents abusive? Or did they just take bad advice from a quirk doctor? The scenes we see show them scolding her for drinking blood from a dead bird which would freak out any parent. The radio quote wasn't nice from Toga's parents but here's the thing - her house was wrecked when she returned to it. How did her community react to Toga's parents after she became a mass murderer? Well I bet not well. I bet they had to move and were tormented by the community until they did. I bet all that damage done to her abandoned home (such as scratching out her heights) was done by angry civilians rather than her mum and dad. She also doesn't show concern or thought about them (you would think she would even to just confirm if they were abusive or not) but she is given nothing.

The lack of exploration of her backstory. Her old friends? Toga doesn't seem to care or think about them. Her parents? Same. She doesn't seem to miss anyone before her time at the LOV yet Hori never confirms abuse occurred with her parents or if she was bullied (presumably not). Not only that but Hori also makes her largely a blank slate other than her madness (and friendship with Twice) - what is she into other than mass murdering people, blood ... or fashion I guess? This hurts her redeemability since most of what we know about her is the villianous deeds/ horrid things she likes to do. It becomes easy to read her as someone who just wants to murder who she likes and indulge in her quirk driven urges.

She is selfish in her grief. Toga is upset over Twice's death yet never once thinks that her and the LOV are killing many more civilians and heroes (causing them the same pain she is going through right now.) This moment should have been a turning point for her - she should have seen what she and the others were doing after losing Twice and begun to feel regret yet... Nope!

Ocacho is doing all the work in Toga's redemption. At the moment, Toga doesn't want to be saved or want to be redeemed she just wants to "Kill all the heroes!" It feels really strange to see Ochacho rushing after her genuinely wanting to talk about 'love' which Toga isn't interested in while she goes on a warpath.

Am I meant to feel sad she is getting rightfully rejected by her crushes for being an awful human? She is a mass murderer, an unrepentant one who is driven by her quirk coded lust like predator hunting prey. (Seriously, switch Izuku and Toga's genders for a moment and think about the scene where she drags him through the warp to ask him out again. Would anyone be condemming Izumi for rejecting male!Toga or talking about the supposed subtext of male!Toga asking for help? Or would the general response be, rightfully, of course Izumi is going to reject you - creep! There would be no discussions of that supposed subtext either.)

Hori can't seem to decide what he wants from this character. Is she a sexy blood themed Yandere, who is super bad? Or a conflicted mentally ill character who needs help and wants to be redeemed. Hori goes - why not both and makes this mess.

TLDR - Hori had potential with Toga to be a good exploration on how quirks can effect a persons mental state and cause them to lose their minds. Yet he wasted every opportunity to do this. He didn't build up her redemption properly so now we are morbidly watching Ochaco drag Toga to the heroes side, kicking and screaming about how she wants to "kill all heroes."

[rogueshadeaux]

Chapter Twenty-Three — Confirmation Bias

Dad sat forward in his chair while Dr. Sims moved to stand by the windowsill, looking out at Seattle in its post-party haze. “We need you to tell us everything that happened with Augustine, start to finish.” Dad said. “We’ve got to know more if we’re gonna figure out what’s going on.”

3.8k words | 13 minute read time | TRIGGER WARNINGS: canon-typical violence, drugs, abuse, death mentions, injury

The next day came with more check-ups from doctors escorted in by Dr. Sims, who gave Dad some sort of look when he entered that I didn’t need to put much thought into to be able to translate; these ones are safe. Dr. Sims seemed to know every person that came through that door, and I was beginning to think they were all pre-selected by him. 

After some more pain management and a check on my scars, Dr. Sims himself actually stepped up to me to perform his own exam of sorts. And that started with him taking the styrofoam cup in his hands, meeting my eyes, and throwing its contents out towards me with a simple warning: “Catch.”

I squeaked, an embarrassing sound really, but I wasn’t exactly excited about the idea of getting smacked in the face with water at seven thirty in the morning. My good hand shot out and stopped the water in its tracks, keeping the splash stagnant while it levitated. Dr. Sims nodded a bit to himself before asking, “Can you control it?”

I moved my fingers around, the water following the motion. Dr. Sims watched it rotate like a snake before giving me a final direction: “Absorb it.”

I nodded, pulling the water closer and letting it snake around my arm in its dance, the touch relieving in a way I didn’t realize it’d be. I was sore all over, but some pain in my spine disappeared immediately when the water stopped flowing and sank into my skin. 

“Well, you seem to have a hold of your powers, so that’s good.” Dr. Sims said casually, moving back to the sink and setting the cup on the counter. “There’s still a lot we’re concerned about, though.”

Dad looked at Brent, who was in the middle of brushing his teeth, and motioned for him to sit at the foot of my bed. Brent rushed off to spit and wipe his mouth before sitting where he was told, looking between Dad and Dr. Sims in confusion. I was too. It suddenly felt like we were in trouble. 

Dad sat forward in his chair while Dr. Sims moved to stand by the windowsill, looking out at Seattle in its post-party haze. “We need you to tell us everything that happened with Augustine, start to finish.” Dad said. “We’ve got to know more if we’re gonna figure out what’s going on.”

I nodded while Brent made some affirmation sounds. “I, uh,” Brent began. “We were in the Longhouse watching that play when there was this — well, we thought it was an earthquake—”

We retold the story as well as we could, one chiming in to correct the other on occasion. I still had trouble recalling some of the details, I realized; everything seemed locked behind some sort of haze that wouldn’t really let me get a clear picture at all, but it didn’t affect what I told Dad. At least, I was thankful it didn’t affect the parts only I was present for. “When Brent went to drain, she — she said something about how you have a bigger part to play.” I looked at Dad, who had his hands clasped just in front of his face, which was still as stone. “It sounded like she was looking for revenge but didn’t want it to be killing you.”

Dad nodded, only asking, “And then?”

“She made this giant concrete ball and hit me with it. That’s where this bruise came from, I guess,” I motioned to my chest. 

Brent got to tell the grand tale of how we took her down — the first time, at least. He fully mimed kicking her in the chest, and draining her armor to break it — but cut off midway through telling that, cursing. “Shit, her armor! We didn’t tell you — she had this button on it, and when she’d press it it’d dose her up with whatever you used at that construction site, Dad. She looked like Jean when you hit her with the Core Relay.”

“Really?” Dr. Sims chimed in from the side. 

“She never left to drain,” I added. “Seemed like it was resupplying her with concrete.”

“It does for me,” Dad offhandedly threw in, looking at Dr. Sims. “Guess she finally cracked how to use it.”

“I don’t know if I’d call that use,” I looked at Brent, who shook his head in agreement. “It looked like…well, like she was injecting herself with it.”

Dr. Sims sighed. “That matches what we found.”

Dad didn’t let his poker face crack, years of law school contributing to that stoic look as he demanded, “What else?”

We went on to talk about her speech, Brent saying, “It sounded like she had this big plan — Conduit takeover. Said Conduits wouldn’t be allowed to live freely if we don’t give normal people reasons to be scared. Then she…” His cheeks grew hot. “She threw me in the Sound.”

I avoided the glare he shot me when I stifled a laugh. The way he seemed so embarrassed about it was a bit endearing. 

“Did she say anything to you after that?” Dr. Sims asked me. 

I nodded, wracking my brain. “I…she talked about Mom. Tried saying that her death was because humans wouldn’t be happy till we were all exterminated. How her parents called her a thing when they turned her in to Augustine. She—” I cut off, that little throwaway line she gave me echoing hard in my head. 

“Jean?” Dad asked. “You okay?” 

It took me a moment to find my voice again, and it was hard to choke out what I wanted to say. “She said…she said Mom killed her brother?”

That drew a reaction out of Dad, who leaned back and ran a hand over his face. Brent’s head whipped around to gawk at me, and he said, “She what?”

“It was something about how Mom was betrayed by every human she knew, and that…” I struggled to piece together the conversation, “That she trained Mom so she wouldn’t be ashamed of her powers after killing him? That it wasn’t fair how the shame was being spun back on us for being Conduits,”

“And she said killing Uncle Brent was a convincing lie?” Brent asked, scoffing a bit. “She should have at least picked something more believable.”

I was inclined to agree — if Dad wasn’t refusing to look at us now. “Dad?”

“What else, Jean?” He asked stiffly. 

I blinked. “Dad, did—”

“I asked you a question.”

I faltered, staring at him with a mixture of shock and confusion. Brent looked back and forth between us, eyes hesitating on Dad on the third whip around before he murmured. “Holy shit,” and moved to run a hand through his hair. 

“You said Mom’s brother died because of gang war stuff,” I accused.

“Mom killed her brother?” Brent whispered, going a bit white. 

Dad didn’t respond to a thing we were asking; he stood from his chair, walking over to the counter where the sink was and leaning his hands against it, knuckles white. Brent gaped at me, turning to face Dad again and opening his mouth to ask another question. 

He didn’t get the chance. Dr. Sims moved a bit closer, and began to say, “I was there, when your mother was trained by Augustine.” He sort of scuffed his shoe on the tile. “Augustine tortured me in order to make enough holograms for Fetch to practice on.”

I blinked. “‘Fetch?’”

“Your mom’s nickname,” Dad muttered from where he was, unmoving. 

“I knew the story before I knew her.” Dr. Sims continued. “Could hear her telling it before Augustine made them…” He drew off, a cloud crossing over his features. That same sort of darkness that’d haunt Dad when he was reliving bad memories was tormenting Dr. Sims now. He exhaled hard, and tried again with, “Your mother didn’t kill him on purpose.”

“But she killed him?” I asked, looking between Dr. Sims and Dad’s back. His shoulders sagged a bit. 

“She was drugged.” Dad deadened, straightening. He turned slowly to face us, but wouldn’t look at Brent or I, focusing on the nobs and spouts on the wall behind my bed. “Brent got dragged into a gang war as ransom, and your mom picked a side. She worked for some drug lord that was fighting against the Akurans who turned on her in the end. Tried turning her in to the DUP and when that didn’t work…”

He looked to Dr. Sims for help in finishing the story. “He drugged her, and the hallucinations caused her to accidentally kill her brother. Accidentally.” He stressed. 

“There wasn’t a single day your mom didn’t regret it.” Dad crossed his arms tight across his chest. “She blamed herself for it all the goddamn time.”

Brent and I looked at each other, aghast; Mom was tricked into killing her own brother? Fuck…I couldn’t imagine that sort of pain. I didn’t know how she willingly used her powers again. 

No — I did. Augustine told me exactly why she did. “Augustine said she offered Mom revenge, too.”

Dad looked down at the floor. “That was the last test Augustine put her through before the breakout. She killed the guy that drugged her.”

“Augustine gave us each a role to play,” Dr. Sims said. “She knew I’d release suspected Conduits and it’d make people think we were building ourselves an army, for example. Your mothers’ was the worst. She wanted to…she made sure Fetch had enough bloodlust to terrify Seattle.”

I thought back to my conversation with Dad that one night, when we were combing through every photo album. “‘Dealing with drug dealers,’” I looked at Dad, begging him to look at me. “She was killing Akurans in retaliation, wasn’t she?”

Brent’s eyebrows shot into his hairline. “So she’s killed more than her brother?”

“It was her job.” Dr. Sims answered simply. I knew what he was doing — he was running interference so Dad wouldn’t have to answer these hard questions, but all I wanted was for him to fucking look at me and tell me the truth. “It would have garnered enough fear for the DUP to be refunded.”

I leaned back, tracing the lines of my printed cast with my eyes. Mom was a killer. No matter which way I looked at it, no matter whether or not I had sympathy for what happened — she sought to kill for the hell of it. How are you supposed to take something like that? How are you supposed to stomach the fact that your parent ended lives not only as a part of some giant evil vendetta, but…because she wanted to?

I could have really used another one of those anti-nausea doses right about now.

“We’re getting off track,” Dr. Sims finally said, slicing into the awkward silence. Brent wouldn’t stop swiveling to look at everyone, Dad wouldn’t look at anyone at all, and I couldn’t stand to look at either for too long. “We still need to know more about what happened. Did she say anything else to you?”

I tried to pull myself out of the confusion and horror of what I just learned and thought hard. “She…she basically said it was us versus normal people. Kill or be killed. And then she pointed out that I wasn’t healing anymore.”

Dr. Sims cocked his head to the side. “So you knew you weren’t healing before being frozen?”

Brent’s head shot around, and his eyes zeroed in on me, squinting. “Wait, you knew?” 

I hesitated. “I just — I thought she delayed it or something—”

“You fucking knew you weren’t healing,” Brent growled, “And you still sacrificed yourself?”

“Brent—” Dad sighed. 

“She was about to kill you!” I shot back. “What, was I just supposed to just watch—”

“I had her!”

“Really? ‘Cause it looked like you were getting your ass kicked—”

“Hey!” Dad barked out, silencing us both. Brent stayed glaring at me, betrayal and fear and a thousand other emotions layered on his face, but he held his tongue. “Right now is not the time. We need to know more about what happened, and then after that—” his eyes turned to me, that same deceived anger on his face, “—we can talk more about what you did.”

I didn’t waver under either of their glares. How dare they act so fucking self-righteous. Brent was about to die and he expected me to not do something! And Dad had a lot of nerve to act angry with me after lying about what Mom did. They both could go to hell.

I huffed hard and sat back against the pillows on my bed, looking away. Poor Dr. Sims definitely didn’t look prepared to deal with any of this, blinking hard before clearing his throat and asking, “Is that when your brother returned?”

I nodded. They could ask him more questions, I was done answering.

Brent eventually started talking again with some prompting, explaining how he saw me looking away and watched Augustine unlatch something from the thigh of her armor. “I didn’t know what she had, and I thought she was about to attack Jean—“

“Oh, so you can sacrifice yourself but when you’re actually about to die—“ I started. 

“Regina, that’s enough.” Dad snapped. 

I huffed, rolling my eyes. Fuck them. 

 Brent continued on about the little round pager thing with the Archangel’s emblem on it, how it was red and then green. “So she called them in?” Dr. Sims asked. “How long did it take for them to get there?” 

“Almost immediately.” Brent looked to Dad. “They teleported in.” 

Whatever regrets Dad was experiencing about being a father slipped away right then, replaced by shock. “What do you mean they teleported in?” 

“There were these orbs that appeared and they just—“ Brent held out a hand and flexed the fingers wide open, “Every time they’d expand, someone would appear.” 

Dr. Sims looked at me. “Is this true?” 

I nodded. “They…they sorta looked like suns but not normal ones. A lot of light, those little wispy things that fly off—”

“The coronas.” Brent corrected me, voice a bit icy. 

“Those.” I simply said, unwilling to deal with the cold. “Some electricity. There were four of them.”

Dr. Sims exchanged a look with Dad. “Have you ever seen something like that?” 

Dad shook his head. “I didn’t even know Conduits could teleport.” 

“They fizzed out when I threw water on them,” I recalled. 

“But everyone that came out of the orbs had ice powers?” Dad asked. We both nodded. “Alright. What happened after?” 

“Augustine and I started fighting,” Brent said, “And Jean was taking care of the others.”

“I tried heating up the Sound to make it so they couldn’t freeze it,” I added. 

Dr. Sims took a step closer, crouching low just like he did in that operating room. “Now, Jean, we’ve gotta know — how did they freeze you?” 

I swallowed hard. “They — They kept shooting these icicles, and I was sorta melting them away with the Sound. I was all water a-and connected to the Sound on this whirlpool so I could control it easier. Brent fell, Augustine looked like she was gonna stab him, and I—“ I breathed shakily, looking down at my hand, the one with a needle in it meant to give me medicine because I was broken. “I couldn’t help him and protect myself. So I stopped Augustine, but the ice hit my water and it…” 

I didn’t need to finish the story. They probably saw the rest. 

Dad had returned to the chair at some point, close enough that I could hear him muttering something to himself, just not what he was muttering. “And that’s everything?” He finally asked. We both agreed. 

Dr. Sims was back to looking out of the window at Seattle, a hand on his chin. “So they were looking for you, D.”

“A bunch of Conduits were looking for me,” Dad muttered. “Whatever Archangel is, it’s not Lifeline. They’re Conduits.” 

Brent’s eyebrow furrowed. “But they — they bombed COLE! Why would they do that?” 

Dad sighed. “They want me. It was probably to draw me out, maybe even to attack me there. I’m the one they meant to disable healing on, not Jean,”

“But how?” Dr. Sims slowly spun in place, looking between Brent and I. “You two can’t think of anything else? Anything that sticks out?” 

Brent shook his head while I said, “No, that’s it.”

There was a knock on the door, and then it opened, a second’s pause hitting before a nurse called, “Am I good to come ‘round the curtain?” 

“Yeah,” Dad confirmed. “Yeah, come on in,” 

She was an absolutely petite woman, more toddler than adult, with a little white basket in her hand that looked impossibly huge despite it being the size of a sandwich ziploc bag. “Hey there! I’ve been told I need to draw some blood from you just to check your levels. Shouldn’t take long!” 

It took very long. 

There was a resistance that kept her from drawing anything out of my PICC line, which resulted in both a stab in the crook of my elbow and a visit from the doctor on duty to make sure something wasn’t wrong. Turns out I’d dislodged it in my effort to catch the water Dr. Sims threw at me, and while the doctor wasn’t worried, I still got stabbed an extra time. 

By the time things were resolved and they were gone, Brent had changed out of his pajamas and the muted television was on a new movie. Dad was scratching away at the overgrown scruff on his chin, Brent was trying to hide the screen of his phone as he typed, and Dr. Sims was looking curiously at me. Or, the gauze wrapped around my elbow. 

“Brent,” he finally asked, making the kid’s head snap up like he’d been caught. “Did Augustine cut you at all?” 

Brent blinked. “Uh, no. I had my steel skin on and she couldn’t get through.” 

Dr. Sims hummed, Dad watching his friend come around the edge of my bed and to the other side, gently asking, “Can I look at this cut?” And motioning to my side. I nodded and readjusted slightly so he could peel the hospital gown aside and take off the dressing on the wound. 

“You think Augustine put something in her?” Dad asked, scooting a bit closer. 

Dr. Sims’ finger ghosted over the stitches. “I’m not sure. If she had some sort of aural power to turn off healing, you and I would have injuries, so I doubt that’s it.” 

“Brent,” Dad asked, “Were you injured at all?” 

Brent nodded. “Augustine crushed my chest at some point—“ 

“She crushed your chest?” 

“It sorta dented in,” Brent clarified, “But it popped back out after I flew away from her,” 

“So he wasn’t affected by whatever Augustine did,” Dr. Sims pointed out. He looked up at me. “Did you have any injuries before this one?” 

“Yeah, she, uh—“ I pointed to my leg. “She stuck a bunch of concrete in me, but I turned into water and got it out,” 

Dad was beside the bed in an instant, peeling the blanket back to get a better look at my shin. “Eugene, look at this,” he said, fingers tracing some tender parts on my leg. 

There were raised lines in my leg, scars that looked nothing like scars at all. They were darker, ridged, and while they healed, they didn’t heal right. The veins in the area were bright against my skin, raised and stretching out like spider webs. “I didn’t even notice this,” Dr. Sims muttered. 

“This has to be where it started,” Dad said, pressing a finger into a cluster of bright veins. He wasn’t expecting me to feel it and sort of jumped in place when I hissed out in pain. “Does it hurt?” He asked me. 

“Stings,” I confirmed. 

Dr. Sims straightened. “I need to see her chart — maybe someone noticed this and thought it was regular scaring.” 

He was gone before Dad could respond. 

Dad left my leg out in the open and instead took Dr. Sims’ spot beside me, all that biting anger gone and replaced by concern as he managed to fit his ass in a little space beside me. “Why didn’t you mention that?” He asked, motioning to my leg. Brent was over there looking at it now. 

“Honestly,” I shrugged. “I kinda forgot about it.” 

“Oh, ew,” Brent muttered, earning a glare from both Dad and I. He turned red under our stares and grumbled, “Sorry,” 

“I didn’t even know it…” I trailed off. “When I was underwater, they were starting to heal, but…I didn’t see it heal all the way.”

Dr. Sims was back with one of those mini-computers, clicking away while walking. “The scars aren’t mentioned beyond being marked, but the spider veins are — just in case they were related to injury,” He said, setting down the computer and typing away. “So they’ve been there the whole time,” 

“So Augustine definitely put something in her?” Dad asked in a voice that begged Dr. Sims to say otherwise. 

“That’s what I’m thinking.” 

Dad groaned, a hand running through his hair. “Did either of you notice anything?” He demanded, looking between Brent and I. “Anything that looked off or weird?” 

Brent looked over to me in a sort of baffled confusion, miming my head shaking. “No, not that we saw,” 

I continued, “The armor was weird, but that’s all I can think of.” 

“And she had nothing with her but the pager? No weapon or something? Nothing when she stabbed you?” 

I shook my head. “Just her, the concrete, and that gross black stuff that held it together,” 

Brent grimaced at the reminder of its existence, “Eugh, that stuff stank.” 

“I know! It was really sticky, too.”

“Oh, God, you touched it?” Brent nearly gagged, looking at me like I was an idiot.

“Well, I had to get it off of me—”

“Jean.” Dad called from the side. 

Brent and I turned from our tangent to see both him and Dr. Sims staring at us, an electrified sort of look on their faces, left in the aftershock of what we said. “‘Black stuff?’” Dr. Sims repeated. 

Why were they both looking at me like that? “You know,” I stuttered out, “T-the tar?”

“Tar?” Dad repeated like a parrot, looking to Brent for a confirmation. 

“Yeah, she—” he glanced over at me, unsettled. “Her concrete had a bunch of tar on it.”

Dad looked to Dr. Sims, who was already staring his way and looking like he was holding back a slew of curse words. Dad, however, didn’t hold back at all, muttering “Fuck,” and moving to stand. 

I did not like how they were reacting. “Dad, what’s—” I started before Dr. Sims cut me off. 

“Augustine’s powers never involved tar.” He glanced at Dad. “At least, they didn’t.”

[coentinim]

Writing flex:

"Zombies in a national park, zombies in a national park. It must have been her paranoia...It must have been. She had regained conciousness, and began looking around, only to immidiately feel an intense pain in her right leg, wrapped in bandages. Laying on her back felt very uncomfortable, as it pressed on the blisters that kept popping up on her back ever since her father's untimely death.

The nurse standing in front of her was not dressed in modern uniform at all, but in a much more old-school white uniform, somewhat discolored yet very clean, and her hair was protected by a cap that wrapped it entirely, cascading down her back like those of the WWI nurses she saw in photos in history class.

She noticed she was now wearing a hospital gown, and couldn't help but blush at the thought of being seen naked.

"Hello. Do you have any other symtoms aside of your broken leg ?

-Do you think I am going insane. The last thing I remember was two zombies attacking me, and then the feeling I am drowning.

-Well, you indeed fell into the water, and you were covered in liquified flesh. Now, I will reajust you so the blisters on your back don't have that much weight put on them, so the doctor can examin them when they are full."

Transformation...What !

Before she knew it, her bed felt a lot better, and she couldn't help but make a sigh of relief.

"The doctor should be checking on you now, and he will then send a paper to get your approuved for anasthesia, so it'll be in our records in case you ever need surgery."

What !

This can't be right...It had to be some sort of vivid hallucination. This can't be real...

This had to be a weird nightmare.

The Doctor that came in was strange. He seemed middle aged,androgynous, with long blond hair that ended at his waist, tied in a low pony tail, and from his scalp also protruted a few whiskers. His ears were pointy and his irises were larger than those of a human and somewhat iridescent. He was tanned and blond, and on his face was hot-ironed marked a cranberry blossom on one cheek, and a rune an another. From his back protruded a pair of wings, translucent, long and narrow like those of a dragon fly, exept with brown spots at the ends and visible human-like veins, through which she could see his blood circulation and the spots turned from more greenish brown to reddish brown with each beating of his heart.

She really couldn't take her eyes off of his wings, which seemed to annoy him.

"Hello. May you confirm your name for me, patient 349

-Yes, I am Cordelia Lenoir.

-I will examin your vital signs, as well as inspect if your injuries had been treated correctly. You might be able to leave for your record exam, and the hospital altogether today."

He began putting on his stetoscope.

I know who you are!!

[she-karev]

Signs and Secrets

Age Rating: 12+

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy

AN: Hey guys so I had to rearrange my posts which means deleting the first draft of this and reposting it. I'm still on the fence on whether I should change my fancast to Victoria Pedretti. Your opinion matters and the poll will be up for the next five days so if you haven't voted hurry and click!

Summary: Amber works at the clinic when a roller coaster crashed while her intern friends gossip and speculate over who she’s dating.

Words: 3781

After about 3 hours with Darcy we were able to confirm she had a badly bruised spine but not torn. We explained this to Darcy and her parents in the patient room where we moved her and fitted her with a spinal halo. Her dad is deaf and her mom is hearing and are by her side anxious over her diagnosis.

“The good news is that her spine is intact.” Andrew explains as Jerry interprets for them, “The MRI showed no visible injury and the exam went great. Her spinal cord is badly bruised though due to the stampede and she’ll need physical therapy to regain full function.”

“For how long?” The dad asks and Jerry interprets.

“We would need our chief of neuro Dr. Shepherd to confirm but all in all it looks like she’ll regain strength over the next few days and in a couple of weeks she should be back on her feet and ride that rollercoaster in no time.”

Darcy signs no, “At this point I’ll settle for a night in watching Netflix.”

“How long does she have to wear this thing on her head?” Her mom asks.

“Her spine is still healing from the bruises so we’re gonna keep her for observation over the next 7 days and if her spine continues to improve we should get it off at day 5.” I explain to them. The dad looks at us gratefully and signs as Jerry interprets.

“Thank you both so much. I can’t tell you how afraid I was thinking she wouldn’t be able to tell you what’s wrong and you wouldn’t understand but she got lucky to have two people who know sign like you.”

“Well actually it was all Dr. Karev.” Andrew explains causing me to feel flustered, “She noticed your daughter trying to communicate and thanks to her we were able to treat Darcy and let her know what was happening.”

“Thank you, Dr. Karev.” The mom says, “I can’t tell you how refreshing it is to have a doctor who learned my baby’s language.”

“Of course, I’m glad I could help.” I turn to Dr. DeLuca for further instructions.

“Right well I’m gonna check to see if Dr. Shepherd is available to look at Darcy’s films, Dr. Karev will be here to monitor.” DeLuca explains and the dad signs.

“Um he’s asking if they can go pick up their son from school so he can be here as well.” I interpret.

“Yeah sure we’ll take good care of Darcy you can go and the nurse will take you up when you come back.” The parents sign bye and love you to Darcy and leave the room. DeLuca clears his throat and turns to me, “Dr. Karev, I trust you can take care of Darcy.”

“Absolutely Dr. DeLuca you can count on me.” He nods and leaves the room. I readjust the halo when Dahlia walks in catching me off guard.

“Hey.” She walks in with a tablet, “The chief wanted me to check on the deaf teenager to make sure she’s being taken care of.”

“She’s good we’re good I know sign language so I was able to keep her from being restrained like a prisoner.” I explain as I look at the screws, “Now I am making sure the halo is put in place and Dr. DeLuca is out getting Dr. Shepherd for a consult.”

“Okay great, that’s great.”

Darcy asks me, “Who is she?”

“Oh right sorry.” I stand back and sign, “Darcy this is Dr. Qadri she’s here to check on you and make sure your okay.”

Darcy raises her eyebrow, “She’s here to make sure I don’t sue them for tying me down you mean?”

“Yeah.” I nod, “We are so sorry for that and I promise it felt necessary due to fear of causing paralysis and when I realized what was happening, I stopped them immediately.”

“I guess that’s what I get for going out and getting hurt.” Darcy says bitterly, “You know when your on a rollercoaster deaf it feels so much more scary. Although I guess it’s even more scary when you can’t hear a rollercoaster falling off the tracks. I bet it must have looked cool.”

I chuckle as Dahlia looks at her vitals and puts them on her tablet, “Well I wouldn’t know the closest to a roller coaster accident I got was Final Destination 3. And you know I was thinking about checking out the carnival this weekend but now I’m just gonna spend the night in.”

“Well, if you want a ride with your doctor boyfriend I suggest the Great Wheel.” I pause and look at her shocked by her speculation that DeLuca is my boyfriend, “It’s totally safe and it’s slow and intimate so you two can make out while overlooking the whole city.”

I chuckle nervously and Dahlia looks at me confused and I clear my throat. I turn to Darcy and sign without speaking so I don’t give anything away to Qadri, “What makes you think Dr. DeLuca is my boyfriend?”

Darcy narrows her eyes like it was so clear, “Oh please it is so obvious especially to me. Even when I was afraid, I wouldn’t walk I could notice the eyes you made at each other. It was like you were mentally undressing each other.”

I shake my head flustered and continue signing, “I don’t know where you get that idea, he and I are coworkers that’s all.”

Darcy grins amused, “I observe people closely because I have to and I learned to read body language as a result. The body language you two were showing was ‘I want to take your clothes off and take you right here and now’ I guess this is a secret and your afraid your friend will interpret me.”

I look to Qadri to see if she understands but she’s looking at her tablet and looks up at me confused, “What is it?”

I exhale in relief, “Nothing are you done with your notes?”

“Yeah, I should keep going God knows the chief is gonna get after me for slowing things down. See you later.”

Qadri leaves and I go back to conversing with Darcy, “You know you’re a lot smarter than my friends here and they have medical degree’s. They couldn’t figure out in two weeks what you figured out in two hours bravo.” I wave my hands to applaud her and she smiles proudly.

“Just so you know.” Darcy signs, “He is really cute.”

I grin cooly, “He is although he could keep it down with the staring for the next super observant deaf kid we treat.” Darcy grins, “And he’s not my boyfriend, we’re just having fun.”

Darcy grins mischievously, “He looks fun. Which means you should put a label on it before someone else comes along and takes him for a rollercoaster ride.”

I laugh at her innuendo just as DeLuca walks in with Shepherd, “Hey I see I made it in time for comedy hour, what are we joking about?”

I look at Andrew with a grin and respond, “Nothing just some funny youtube videos where the cat juggles a melon. Dr. Shepherd I already adjusted her halo and the nurses gave her a painkiller.”

Shepherd nods, “Okay let’s see what we got here.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After about 12 hours of suturing in the pit and treating burns, I lean against the brick wall of the tunnel sitting on the gurney next to Helm with Casey taking up most of the space and the others occupying the gurney next to us. Right after Dr. Grey won the Harper Avery award like we all predicted we went to the tunnel to rest and reminisce on our day. The six of us are exhausted and about ready to sleep the day away. I’m so tired I’m not even mad that most of them got to assist and I didn’t even Roy which would blow my top off if I wasn’t trying to keep my eyes open.

“This day was epic.” Casey says with tired joy.

“I’m so tired I can’t feel my teeth.” Schmitt says as he rubs his eyes.

“I almost stitched my finger to a person.” I chuckle at Helm who looks at me offended, “At least I saw an O.R. before you She-Karev what do you say to that?”

“I say.” I decide to sign so she won’t understand, “Next time I’ll hurt you just for the chance to fight over your surgery.” I grin at her confused face.

“What is that?” Helm asks.

“Yeah she speaks sign language.” Dahlia explains as she cricks her neck.

Helm scoffs, “Of course you do, is there anything you can’t do?”

“When I figure it out I’ll let you know.” I say smugly and they chuckle when Dr. Grey and Alex enter the tunnel carrying a champagne bottle and cups.

“Scram.” Grey tells us causing them to stand but I stay since I assume sister’s are allowed.

“Yeah you heard her, scram. This is our beach.” They all walk away and Alex turns to me and rains on my parade, “You too get out.”

I look at Alex taken back, “Wha-I’m your sister!”

Alex grins, “Exactly now scram.” I groan in annoyance but do what he says and catch up with the others who look at me amused.

“I guess baby sisters aren’t allowed in the adults table.” Roy makes fun causing me to punch him in the arm.

“Whatever it’s just champagne in a tunnel if I wanted a night like that I would’ve never left Manhattan.”

Casey yawns, “So how does Dahlia know you speak sign?”

“I had a young patient come in with a bruised spine she’s deaf and I was there. I took it as a language requirement in pre med. I figured I could use my hands for something other than saving lives and Roy! I know what your gonna say and if you make a quip about my hands being used for other things I will punch you.”

Roy scoffs amused, “Oh please you don’t have the balls.” I turn around fast and make a motion to punch him in the face causing him to squeal and back away as I grin at his reaction and continue walking. The others laugh at the scene.

“Remind me which one of us has balls?” I grin maliciously as we enter the locker room.

“So you sing, you know sign language and your related to Alex Karev.” Casey lists as I lay on the bench, “Why is it we know all these things about you and yet we don’t know who your sleeping with.”

I groan, “I thought you didn’t care Parker I was rooting for you to be less annoying than the rest of them.”

Casey shrugs, “That was this morning now I’m exhausted and interested is it Major Hunt?”

I chuckle at the irony. I saw the guy naked this morning and he’s not the one I’m sleeping with, “No because the guy is a freaking dinosaur and he’s my boss and I have self-respect.”

“Is it Avery?” Helm asks and I glare at her, “Oh come on don’t pretend you don’t find him hot we all do.”

“Then why don’t you get your freak on with him if you find him delicious?”

“He’s not my type.” Helm opens her locker, “Schmitt are you still convinced it’s Eddie?”

Qadri snorts and says under her breath, “Oh please you all are oblivious.”

They look at her confused over not hearing her, “What was that?” Helm asks causing Dahlia to realize she said something and stammers.

I stand up and go to my locker inputting my combo as she speaks, “U-Um you know my second cousin is deaf.” I freeze at the second set of numbers over this new information but continue to appear cool.

“Really?” Schmitt looks at her confused.

“Y-Yeah she bet me a new headscarf I could learn the language in one month.” I pale at this and take my water bottle out staying quiet, “I lost but I learned a few words especially the dirty ones those stuck out to me the most.”

I clear my throat after I take a sip of water, “That’s uh that’s interesting very interesting to learn right now.”

Dahlia grins knowingly, “Well there’s a lot of things we don’t know about each other but you know that better than anyone right She-Karev?” Her look confirms she was able to interpret mine and Darcy’s conversation and I keep a cool head.

“Are you working tonight?” I ask.

“Yep.” Dahlia confirms and I nod.

“Me too I guess I’ll see you out there.” I quickly leave the room without saying a word to anyone and wait outside the hall for Dahlia to come out and she did. I approach her and cut to the chase, “How much did you interpret?”

Dahlia smiles at my worry, “Which part? The part where she called DeLuca your boyfriend or the part where she could tell you guys were having mind sex in front of her? Because I got both of those if you want to know.”

I sigh in despair, “Great I could’ve taken Russian but no I decided to be of use for the deaf community.”

Dahlia smiles, “Well if it makes you feel better this blows my Lin Manuel Miranda theory out of the water. How did this happen? Was it a quickie in the on-call room or did you gaze at his sultry green eyes in the ER and decided to declare your love for him out in the rain with Ed Sheeran in the background.”

I roll my eyes, “Okay first you watch way too many Nancy Meyers movies second this happened a few months ago way before I even got hired and it has continued ever since and thirdly I will allow for one more question before scaring you into keeping silence so make it count.”

Dahlia thinks for a moment, “Is he good?” I chuckle at her, “Because he looks like he’d be good.”

“Okay my three orgasms a night are none of your business.”

Qadri’s eyes widen, “Three times?! You’re kidding or you miscounted that can’t be possible.”

I whisper, “The other night it was almost four.”

Qadri chuckles at my good fortune, “That man is a medical marvel.”

I sigh in lust, “He really is. Now for the intimidation if you-”

“Amber.” Qadri interrupts me, “You don’t have to worry, I promise I won’t tell anyone about you and DeLuca if you don’t want me to. It’s none of my business and it was just fun gossip this morning that’s all. I mean I’ve seen Gossip Girl I know how brutal it can be.”

I see that she’s genuine and decide to let her off the hook, “All right I guess I can trust you to keep this a secret.”

“I know it probably doesn’t mean much but in my opinion. It’s not as embarrassing as you think.” I raised an eyebrow at her, “It was shocking but then I got over it and it seemed normal. Except for the four orgasms that is just crazy.” I chuckled with her, “Honestly, it’s a lot more ethical than if you slept with Hunt or Avery. Their frogs and we’re egg masses yeah but DeLuca he’s a tadpole so it’s just one shift up the cycle. You have nothing to be ashamed of in my opinion.”

I exhale and look at her grateful for her advice, “People are already underestimating me as Karev’s baby sister I don’t want to give them more reason by opening my bedroom door. I mean guys get away with this but we don’t.”

“You’re preaching to the choir honey.” Qadri agrees, “Okay so I guess your secret is safe with me.”

“Thank you, Dahlia.” I say with a grin.

“So…I guess that makes us friends then.” Dahlia quips with a hopeful smile and I shake my head at her giddiness.

“Well see. Good night.” I turn to walk away from her and I see DeLuca by the nurse’s station rubbing his tired eyes but he sees me giving a grin and he grins too walking by my side.

He greets me in a doctor voice, “Dr. Karev.”

“Dr. DeLuca.” I respond with equal disinterest.

We stop outside the on-call room and he holds the door for me, “After you Dr. Karev.”

“Thank you, Dr. DeLuca.” As soon as he closes the door, we go at each other like animals.

I curl my fist around his wavy hair as we kiss and he picks me up and puts me on top of the drawer chest causing me to chuckle. I continue to kiss him and take his lab coat off; he does the same with my scrub top leaving me in my black bra. I run my hands under his shirt and pull it off quickly. We continue to explore each other with our lips and hands for several moments until I speak up at the worst possible time.

“I’m not embarrassed to be seen with you.” DeLuca pauses kissing the back of my ear and pulls back looking at me confused.

“Is there a reason you’re telling me this when I have you half naked on top of furniture?”

“Listen.” I straighten up and put my hands on his broad shoulders to steady myself, “People look at me and automatically assume I don’t work my way to success. They think I use my looks or amazing skills in bed just to get by, it’s been that way since I first hit puberty. It’s amplified more here because the second I walk into a patient room the family hopes I’m the nurse.” Andrew sighs and puts his hands on my hips listening albeit annoyed I cut our powwow short, “And I get how you don’t assume that but you know things about me that they don’t. You know I worked myself to death to get out of foster care and into state school with no help at all. You know I didn’t use my brother’s name to get an interview here but they don’t know that. I mean they’re gossiping about which attending I’m screwing for surgeries including Hunt which is ironic since I saw him naked this morning with your sister.”

Andrew groans in disgust and pulls his hands away from my body, “And the endorphin high is at a crashing stop thanks for that.” Andrew sighs and looks at me in sympathy, “I get that it’s demeaning to say the least that all those interns look at you and your DNA and assume that your…”

“A brainless slut?” Andrew looks at me in pity over how I described myself.

“No, you’re not and you shouldn’t let them get to you. I mean if they knew all the things you had to go through, they would eat their words over how wrong they were about you.” I look at him touched as he continues, “I mean you helped a deaf little girl tell us what was wrong with her. Your friends probably would have tightened her restraints more and not notice what was right there but you did and…that makes you way better than them in my opinion.”

I look at him in gratitude over how he compliments my bedside manner and I finish my statement, “I’m not embarrassed by you or shamed of you it’s just…what we have is private and I don’t want them to gawk or make fun of it. They would think I’m using you to get revenge for my brother and that you’re sleeping with me to spite Alex but they don’t know us. I don’t care about their opinions but I do care about the reputation I want to establish here.” Andrew looks at me attentively, “You have a different pedigree than me so you don’t know how addict parents and violent brothers can damage your image in the world at the age of 2. I went to private school on scholarship and…the guys assumed I was an easy project girl.” Andrew’s face shifts to pity, “All the girls hated me because I fitted my skirt more than them and they thought I was stealing their boyfriends when they saw me bump into them and…I swore I would never go through that again. I know it isn’t fair to you but it’s all about me not you I promise.”

“Amber that’s terrible.” Andrew brushes my hair back over my shoulder, “I didn’t know that and I was afraid it was because you were embarrassed of me but hearing your story, I get it now. I know how hard it is to get away from your past and make a name for yourself, it’s what I did with my dad and I see that in you too.” Andrew cradles my face in his hands and I look at him with affection, “If you don’t feel comfortable telling people about us, I’ll respect that I just…I just want to know I’m not another shameful secret of yours.”

I sigh and run my hands over his torso, “You’re not if anything you’re the best secret I have ever kept.” Andrew smiles and resumes kissing me this time it’s slow and sensual and he picks me up again putting me on the single bed. I lay under him and moan as he resumes kissing my collar bone and I stroke his back as we sink into each other. I groan and pull him back so I could ask him something else.

Andrew pulls back annoyingly and looks at me, “What is it?”

“Um…are we dating?” He looks at me surprised by my question, “It’s just that we never put a label on it and we’ve only gone out in public like twice so I just want to know if this is gonna die when you realize I am too much of a mess to handle or get tired of my sexpertise.”

Andrew grins at my joke and responds, “Well one I already knew straight off the bat you were gonna be a mess from how our first date went and I handled that spectacularly if you recall. Second I will never get tired of your sexpertise the three orgasms are evidence enough. And third yeah I like to think we are dating, is that the answer you were hoping for?”

I grin, “Yeah it actually was.” Andrew grins at me, “Okay no more interruptions I promise now come here.”

DeLuca exhales, “Thank god.” He kisses me and I moan in pleasure with us content in each other’s company.

[siouxsiee]

[INACTIVE POST PLEASE READ MOST RECENT BLOG POST]

ADDING AS OF 12/8: please reblog this everyone duke is only getting worse and i've been to 2 vets already that charged me over $600 but didn't help or give him medicine. his condition is TREATABLE but if i can't afford medication or visits, none of the vets around here will help me and he will die. they don't have payment plans and he cant get pet insurance bc they consider his condition to be pre-existing. i don't want duke to suffer. his breathing is labored and his heartbeat is rapid, he is struggling and needs help and i am trying everything i can to get him treated.

PLEASE BOOST! reblogs help just as much as donations!! boosting this and spreading it helps others who may be able to help see it! even if you can't donate please, please reblog this!!

Hello everyone! I'm going to put most of this under a read-more so I'm not forcing everyone to read/scroll through a wall of text. This is Duke, he's my father's dog, but recently I've started to take care of him as my father gets older (he's almost 70) and is currently recovering from serious dental surgery. About 5 days ago I noticed that Duke was eating far less than what he usually does, and was breathing harder/coughing. At first I assumed it might be something minor, but as he continued to eat less and less and become more lethargic, I decided it was time to take him to the vet.

The first visit was just an exam because I had no idea what to expect and was still hoping for something minor. Duke has been healthy his whole life and that is honestly a blessing because my father is retired and I do not make nearly enough to cover hundreds of dollars in vet bills, unfortunately.

When the doctor returned she told me Duke had a combination of ventricular tachycardia and ventricular fibrillation, and wanted to change $730 to do x-rays and tests even though she warned me that the stress of those procedures could be detrimental. I declined at the time because something like that is way out of my price rang. Interestingly enough, aside from his breathing, she told me he exhibited no other symptoms of VT/VF.

I was recommended to a larger animal hospital in my state so they could give him a echocardiogram and prescribe the proper medicine. I called that hospital and explained my situation, and was told that such a procedure, plus the medicine/treatment he'd need would be upwards of $1,000. And that without these things Duke's heart would fail and he would die.

I decided to get a second opinion today and took him to another vet in my city where they gave him a more thorough exam and told me they believe he has arrhythmia instead (the doctor called it a mild case of tachycardia). She also recommended I take him to that larger animal hospital (as can be seen on his health plan sheet) for that same examine and treatment. She could not give me a definitive diagnosis or confirmation if he would need medicine despite listening to his heart and giving him an ultrasound. Along with the bloodwork done it was over $500.

Which I did not have. That money came out of what I use for groceries, gas and bills. And Duke still wasn't given any medication for his heart condition (I would have had to pay $200 extra for another in-house ECG scan without the promise that he would get medication).

I was referred again to another hospital where they expect me to come up with $1k or more depending on the medicine. I am already planning on changing what dog chow he eats and adding more heart-healthy foods/vitamins, but that alone will not keep Duke from being at a very high risk of heart failure.

Duke needs medication to correct and slow his arrhythmia. Without it he could unintentionally over-exert himself and fall into ventricular fibrillation, which will kill him. I want to get him walking again (as I stopped due to work and the weather here) but I'm terrified to start doing that because I don't want him to collapse. Duke is my father's companion and he's been with him for his (Duke's) entire life. He is basically the family dog, but my father has a very close relationship with him, and I know losing Duke would devastate him. It would devastate all of us.

I've been looking into animal assistance programs but I don't believe I qualify for most, or I'm not in their area of operation (there is one in my state but I fall outside of its area code). Please, if you can donate and help towards Duke's treatment and medication, I will be eternally grateful. And if you cannot do that, I'm begging that you just reblog this to spread the word and help others see it. Please. if you have any questions or would like to know more about Duke's condition please feel free to message me.

I'm sorry this is such a long post but I wanted to provide as much information as possible for anyone reading. (also I have blacked out names and addresses on the documents for obvious reasons)

[DONATE]

[psypris]

Social Anxiety is Measurable

I felt the urge to share a personal anecdote that might be beneficial to anyone who has suffered from social anxiety but not had support. It’s easy for others who do not experience discomfort to invalidate others’ truth, even if it is not intentional.  So, a little background about me: I have had clinical depression for over 20 years (starting in high school) and after many years of battling, finally found a perfect combination of anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication. However, I STILL suffer from anxiety, specifically social anxiety, and nothing has really soothed that discomfort. Instead, I practice mindfulness and walk myself through the experience I push myself to have, while practicing self-care and self-love by avoiding certain situations that I don’t feel confident I’ll be able to overcome.  Due to the above, and genetics, I have hypertension (high blood pressure) and while it had been manageable before, about 6 months ago, I was put on medication for this, since I was experiencing some rather unsettling symptoms (you ever see your heartbeat in your eyesight? Feel it in your teeth? Not fun!) Now that you know the relevant information, here’s the story: I had my 6th-month check-in with my physician to make sure my medications aren’t negatively affecting me and that everything is still going well. During the initial intake portion of the appointment, where the nurse assistant/technician weighs you and asks you simple questions, they took my blood pressure.  I had two nurses with me; I’m not sure if one was being trained or if they were just partnered-up to streamline the process (it went super smoothly!). Regardless, as the one was setting up the arm strap, I casually mentioned “oh yeah, my BP is a little high”.  So, I’m continuing talking to the other nurse and the first one gets a little stifff and goes over to her and says, “It’s 180/90″ (something like that - I know I heard “one-eighty” and “over ninety” but they might not have been even like that).  If you don’t know - which I didn’t know myself - This puts me in a Hypertensive Crisis. In other words, I could have a heart attack at any moment and all online research says to “seek medical treatment right away”.  So, the second nurse has a very subtle reaction and notably talks a bit more soothingly to me. I comment off-handedly “I suffer from social anxiety, so my BP is always a little high when I am tested at a doctor’s office.” They both respond something like “Oh, okay then,” which in hindsight was them trying to keep me calm and not stress out more. Once she’s done with the questions, she says, “you know, let me go ahead and just take another reading - the doctor might want to run an EKG” I’m ok “oh damn!” but she said, she wasn’t sure, they just want to confirm that everything is okay. This is especially important because my mother suffered from “The widow maker” heart attack a few years ago - and survived! - but clearly, heart issues run in the family. Luckily, by the second time, my BP went down to something like 160/?? they didn’t say it to ME, it was more to themselves. So, it had come down but it was still high. (Normal is 120/80 or lower, for reference).  I can hear them whisper by the door to the doctor about their findings - the nurse was very detailed and expressed that I shared I have social anxiety (and I’m self-pay, so an EKG might get a little expensive for me).  The doctor comes in and can I just say, she’s amazing! She’s technically a Nurse Practitioner, so I'm just using “doctor” colloquially in this story.   ANYWAY, she calmy says she wants to take it one more time with another cuff - I had taken a seat on the normal guest chairs (I had been on the exam table) and she was like “no, no! We don’t want to move you. You just stay right there and get comfortable.” I do some deep breathing, she returns with the reader and bam - perfect! I can’t recall the exact numbers, but I was back in the “it’s okay/normal” range.  No EKG needed! She explained that a lot of people come in and the same thing happens and yep - it’s the social anxiety! So, the next time anyone gives you grief, feel free to use my story as proof (my name is Cari & you can call me your friend!) that anxiety is REAL and causes SERIOUS CHANGES to the body! I was in “Heart-attack mode” JUST from visiting the doctor! Think about all the times I just go food shopping, have to speak up for myself somewhere like the bank, make an important phone call.... it puts stress on the body. No wonder I’m always exhausted!

[who-is-sunny-d]

Today, I saw someone at Goodwill. Someone who looked suspiciously like someone I used to know. But I thought, “shouldn’t they be in Texas?”

They checked out just ahead of me, and after I left, I suddenly got a follow request from that exact person on IG. Someone who hasn’t spoken to me in probably two years and the last time they did, it was pretty rude and aggressive.

But then I remembered that time at treatment when I saw someone I thought I knew who belonged in San Diego. Then we spoke and they confirmed their name and where they hailed from, and then at the end, they were having the damnedest time getting their blood pressure under control, which is one of the things they scan during a polygraph exam.

Also, we’d exchanged numbers, but I was never able to get hold of them again. 🤔

It’s hard to know what’s going on anymore. If Matt wasn’t a witness, I’d think I was going nuts, but thankfully he’s been there for a lot of the odd bullshit. When you’ve been gaslit and fucked with as hard as I have, it’s only natural to feel unease and distrust. They fuck with me more to call me paranoid and try to psychoanalyze me as schizophrenic, but the doctor thinks I’m perfectly sane, just more observant than most.

Sometimes I wish I could turn it off and just be stupid and happy, but my intuition and observation skills have overall served me well, even if people have used them against me to smear me as paranoid and crazy. But I’ve rarely been wrong. Just gaslit into thinking I’m wrong.

I still wish for justice, but I’m too worn down to go after it. At this point, I’d just settle for the actual truth. But narcissists can’t face the truth if it means admitting they did terrible things. So I’ll just have to settle for what I know to be true based on the evidence I collected on my own.

It’s truly shitty, the things one person is capable of putting another through. I wish I’d kept to myself more. I wish I’d never thrown a party and hosted a bunch of strangers. What the fuck got into me that that even passed into the realm of good ideas in my head? 🤦🏻‍♀️

I miss my son. I should have been content with what I had. I was probably just being selfish. As usual. 🙄 I hate myself most.

[emotionalsupportrp]

“Oh, okay. Well, that can certainly do it, but that’s an easy fix,” she says as grabs a pair of gloves. “Do you mind if I just give you a quick exam?”

She takes a look at her arms and confirms that she is dehydrated, so she goes to fetch an IV and some fluids.

He stands right by her side and either holds her hand or strokes her hair. He just has to touch their somehow to remind himself that she’s here and that she’ll be okay.

“I’m the doctor on the premises, so I promise I know what I’m doing. I’m just gonna give you a little poke in a bit,” she explains. “Can you tell me about your medical history? Any meds your on? Other conditions I should know about?”

- 🔥

I nod when she asks if she can perform an exam and I’m a model patient. I look at Touya from time to time and smile empathetically, squeezing his hand whenever it’s in mine. “She doesn’t seem afraid of you,” I observe quietly while shooting him an amused look, hoping to distract him. “That’s a rare quality around here.”

I smile hesitantly when she asks about my medical history, then rub a hand over my face, “Of course.” I explain that I have a history of fainting spells due to dehydration. I also relay a long list of problems, including the epilepsy, thyroid issues, cardiac issues, GI and liver issues; many things which I would rather Touya not concern himself with. I explain that I’m currently only taking medication for my heart palpitations and the seizures, noting that I’ve been off my psych meds for almost a year.

I also mention that I recently met with a private doctor for a physical, as well as an OBGYN, who prescribed medication for the morning sickness which I haven’t been able to get my hands on yet. I glance at Touya once I’m finished, worried that he may have a stroke.

[pregnanttangerine]

Birth of a little bird

So the last month of my first pregnancy was very full but mostly uneventful in the lens of the pregnancy itself. I finished my linear algebra class with an A (although I had cautiously taken it pass-fail so that A did nothing for my GPA, but I was happy enough with it). We did Christmas. I took my insurance license exam and passed on almost no sleep on New Years Eve . We did New Years. I took my leave from work coinciding with the new year. I spent a week very antsy and bored yet tired? Just waiting around for a baby to come. The doctor set up an appointment to induce just in case. I waited.

Then on the evening of 7th of January, I started getting contractions. They were crampy, like my whole belly was tightening up for a few seconds, but not unbearable. Boyfriend and I played Call of Duty for an hour or so. We timed them. They were still pretty far apart and it started getting late. I told him we should go to bed. He fell asleep and I dozed, waking up when I was gripped with a particularly strong contraction. At about 1am I was starting to get them pretty close together, so I woke him up and told him we should make our way to the hospital. We got the bags and made our way to his car and got in. Just before we left, he realized that he wasn’t wearing the right shoes (sidenote: this is very characteristic of my boyfriend both to have a proper pair of shoes planned for the delivery of his child, and to have forgotten to wear them thus needing to run in and change at the last second). So he ran inside to correct his footwear. As I waited in the passenger seat of his Jetta, my water broke. So after he got back in his proper shoes I sent him back once more to get a towel, and then we were finally off.

We arrived at a quiet middle-of-the-night hospital. We had previously toured so we would know where to go, and went straight for labor and delivery. At this point the contractions were pretty strong and getting uncomfortable, but I was able to breathe through them and felt much better when I was able to walk than I had sitting in the car.

They took me into triage and laid me on my back which made me pretty uncomfortable. The admitting nurse checked the fluid that pooled around my feet and confirmed that my water had broken. She checked my cervix and was surprised to see that I was already at 6cm, and noted this baby was probably coming soon. They took my blood pressure and it was high. This is when things went sideways. Because my blood pressure was high, they wanted to do a blood draw, and they also wanted to get me on an IV. I was having pretty significant swelling at this point, and I will give these nurses the benefit of the doubt that it was me and not them, but they could NOT find my veins. Proceed with fifteen minutes of various women sticking me with needles over and over in various locations while contractions racked me in the most uncomfortable position possible. I was in pain and I wanted to move, but they wouldn’t let me until they hit those veins that were alluding them. Finally someone called in the anesthesiologist, and bless his talented heart he got that IV in where it needed to go

At this point I was clearly in pain writhing on my back and groaning like a heifer in heat, and the staff are telling me they will get me something for the pain. As the doc finally gets my IV in yet another nurse stressfully announces that communication is down with the pharmacy and they are unable to get whatever opioid relief they had sent for. One of the nurses tells me they can just get my epidural now instead and in desperation I agree.

I didn’t talk about my birth plan in my previous posts, but I had decided on delaying the epidural. The reason being is the opposite of what I had been experiencing: being able to move is good for labor. It is good for getting the baby into position, it is good for working through the pain, and it let’s you do things that can give relief like get under a soothing shower or curl up in a child pose or whatever makes you feel better. When you are numb from the waist down, you can’t really do any of that stuff.

While I was desperate to ease my discomfort, I had been told this baby was coming soon. Everything in triage had been rushed. So much urgency to get me hooked up on my IV, get my blood tested, get me into the delivery room, it all felt like this was about to happen NOW. So while I went along without question when the epidural was suggested, I didn’t really feel like I wasn’t delaying it either.

I barely remember the epidural. I remember them swabbing me with numby stuff and telling me to be really still. I had so much fear of this big shot in the backbone during the months leading up to my labor, and it turns out it was the most insignificant part of the whole thing.

The epidural worked its wonders and I went numb. I was flooded with relief. I could no longer feel my contractions. The pain ebbed away and all of the adrenaline and stress melted off of me and suddenly I was in a nice dark room with my boyfriend in the earliest hours of the morning and I was exhausted. We called my parents and my best friend to let them know it was time for baby, and I slept.

I lose track of time here. I don’t know how many hours I slept. My parents showed up at some point. Brittany drove down from LA and came in the morning of the 8th but I don’t remember what time. My boyfriend got a migraine. He ate crappy Carls Jr from down the street, and vomited in the delivery room bathroom. Their presence is a blur. Only three people were allowed in the room at a time, so sometimes it was my parents, sometimes one of them with Brittany, my boyfriend was always there of course. They hovered and would sometimes be at my bedside, rubbing my back or my leg. I was comforted by having them there, but also they seemed far away, almost like I was scary to them and they didn’t want to get too close. I yearned for someone to hold me, but I’m sure it wasn’t easy with me being hooked up to wires and tubes and all.

In between it all I was visited my nurses and doctors. I wasn’t allowed to eat, but I could have popsicles. They would turn me from one side to another to keep the epidural from pooling on one side or the other. They would take my blood pressure, they would take my temperature, they gave me medicines. At one point a nurse checked my cervix and said I was 4cm. This still confuses me to this day. Did I reverse? Was the first nurse wrong in her estimate? How did I go backwards in dilation? The epidural had lessened my contractions and this lovely nurse told me with unveiled contempt that I wasn’t even in labor and if my water hadn’t broken they would have sent me home.

After awhile someone came in and noted that frequent checks of my cervix increased the chance of infection, and since I hadn’t progressed in my labor they recommended starting on Pitocin. While I had heard nothing but horror about Pitocin, I was feeling tired and oddly guilty that I had been taking up everyone’s time to nap in the delivery room, so I agreed.

A few hours later I was having contractions again and I was feeling them. I kept smashing the epidural button and at some point it maxed and I was still in pain. An anesthesiologist came in and topped me off. More hours of contractions. Slowly I progressed again up to 8cm. The epidural wore off. I was topped off again. They upped my Pitocin. My contractions started getting very strong. They were having trouble monitoring my baby from the belly band and placed an internal monitor. 

Somewhere in the late hours of the 8th I was back in pain again. The pressure in my pelvis was tremendous. I felt like I was holding in the largest poo I had ever needed to take and I just wanted to go. I had been stuck at 8cm for hours but everything in my body was telling me to push. I didn’t think I was pushing but I kept getting scolded to NOT push and that if I did push I risked rupturing my cervix. For some reason I correlated the pain with the internal monitor. I was sure the thing was making my contractions more painful. I begged for them to take it out. Around this time I began to run a low grade fever of about 100. 

Another anesthesiologist came in and told me that the doctors were recommending an emergency C-Section. My fever meant I was risking sepsis, and I was still sitting at just 8cm. My baby was positioned backwards, with her spine up against my spine, when ideally her spine would be up against my belly button. We were both under tremendous strain but she wasn’t budging through my pelvis at that angle. The anesthesiologist told me that the epidural would be less and less effective since I had already been topped off so many times. I cried and nodded. She let me know that the anesthesia for the C-Section would feel different, and might feel like I can’t breathe because I wouldn’t feel my lungs expanding, but she assured me as long as I could talk I could breathe. She got down beside me and held my hand. She put her face close to my face and she told me to think of a calm spot where I would feel safe. I told her I thought of the beach. She asked me if I liked margaritas and I told her I do. She told me to picture myself on my favorite beach with a margarita in my hand. She told me to think of the smell of the sea and the taste of the drink and the cold glass in my hand. She pulled my mind out of the room and onto the beach and I began to ease in my pain and lose the unbearable feeling of helplessness that had gripped me. I wish I knew that doctor’s name. I would have loved to have sent her a thank you note and I would send her Christmas cards forever. She was an absolute angel when I needed one badly. 

I remember describing this to my best friend later, and she had noted that she looked around at the rest of them in the room with me and they felt she was calming them down too. I didn’t voice it because I had no interest in guilting anyone, but I wondered if that doctor wasn’t looking to them to tell them THIS is what THEY were supposed to be doing rather than spreading around the comfort.... I took a birthing class and in the first one I had my mom with me and the doula leading it taught this exact technique for the partner of the pregnant woman. I went home and told my boyfriend about it (he had to work that night) and it was reviewed the following class. Yet neither my mom nor my boyfriend did anything like this during all those hours. I don’t blame them when suddenly in that stressful situation, and I certainly wouldn’t expect bestie to know it, but damn that shit WORKS. If I ever end up in delivery with a friend I’m jumping right in and doing the damn thing because as intimate and awkward as it might be feel it really is effective. I only wish I could have had my own wits about me to understand and voice what I needed at the time.

So shortly thereafter parents and best friend were ushered back to the waiting room, while boyfriend and I were prepped for surgery. We were separate while he was washed up and given scrubs, and I was wheeled into another room. I was introduced to my surgeon and yet another anesthesiologist. He explained that I needed a spinal rather than an epidural because I needed to be numbed further up my abdomen than the epidural had done but that he could administer through the same port. He gave me the medicine and waited a few minutes. After awhile he tested for sensation and I still had feeling on my belly. He seemed astonished that I would feel anything, gave it a few minutes more and tried again, and I felt it. He poked me with a needle, saw me jump, and shook is head in disbelief. I needed yet more drugs. My labor and delivery nurses painstakingly propped me into a seated position and barely kept me from wobbling as the anesthesiologist administered the spinal.

Then I was NUMB. I lost all feeling in my abdomen. Then my neck. Then my face. I could feel nothing. I was wheeled into the operating room and met back up with my boyfriend who sat just behind my head to the right of me, with the anesthesiologist sat directly behind me. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t move anything. I couldn’t feel myself breathing, and mentally ran over the angel anesthesiologist’s words over and over like a mantra in my head to avoid falling into a complete panic. I cannot describe how awful this type of paralysis is, to be fully conscious but unable to feel or move anything. The anesthesiologist asked how I was doing, and with horror I realized I couldn’t talk. Suddenly my mantra seemed shaky since I couldn’t talk maybe I wasn’t breathing??? With tremendous concentration and effort I mouthed that I can’t talk. He couldn’t understand me, I tried again. His eyebrows wrinkled in concern and he assured me I was alright.

I was so exhausted from the effort of trying to stay calm. I don’t really remember much about what was happening during the surgery. I vaguely remember my boyfriend looking anxiously back and forth from the operation to me. For some reason I remember a sheet being laid over my face, but that might have been the anesthesia/paralysis instead of an actual sheet? At one point the anesthesiologist seemed to notice my effort and let me know it was ok if I fell asleep. I think I dozed then, but probably not for very long.

Then I heard her cry. A tiny high pitched sigh of a noise in the middle of conversation and machine beeps and I was flooded by relief. My boyfriend left my side and I waited in my drowsy immobility for them to bring her to me. The moment didn’t come. After a few minutes my boyfriend’s worried face reappeared in my vision. He told me that she had come out with fluid in her lungs and they were taking her to the NICU. He asked me if he should stay with me or go with her, I whispered for him to go.

And then I was alone with a room full of strangers. I had no more worry or panic left in me. I was filled with a lonely apathy as I dozed in and out of consciousness.  I remember the casual work-place conversation between the surgeon and attending nurses and doctors as they chatted about the colleges they attended. It seemed so surreal and a part of me was sure I was dying, that I had exerted all I had to give and was slipping away and that it was ok because my daughter was born and alive her dad was with her and he would do whatever needed to be done.

After however long I had been sewn up and was wheeled to yet another room for recovery. Slowly the anesthesia wore off enough that I was able to speak and move my head to look around me. I was in a long line of empty beds and one of the nurses that had been with me sat typing at a computer. The nurse let me know I was to rest there for some given amount of time while she monitored me and then I would be taken to my room. I asked when I would be able to see my daughter or if she knew anything about her condition. She told me she wasn’t sure but it would be awhile until I could see her because they had to wait for the anesthesia to wear off completely. After what seemed like an excruciatingly long time, my boyfriend came in to see me.

He showed me a picture of my baby. The first time I saw her was an image on my boyfriend’s cell phone. She was so tiny with a surprising amount of dark hair and big alert dark eyes. She had tape across her face holding a breathing tube in place. My heart ached to see her. It didn’t seem real seeing a photograph of her. I was supposed to be with her. How could she be ok in some other room on some other floor far away from her mother. I cried with joy in seeing her and sadness at how far away she seemed. We looked at each other and we both agreed that we now knew what to name her. All of her hospital labels and plaques said “Baby Girl Phelps,” but her birth certificate would eventually read Rosalie Jenn Enriquez.

I had to wait a full day before I was able to see her. I was taken to my recovery room with a massive TV and was revisited by my parents and best friend. I was told with amusement how my mother viewed the photo of my daughter the first time and squealed with delight, “a little Mexican baby!” The day dragged on, I gained sensation and then discomfort but wasn’t in too much pain. I was only anxious to meet my kid. Eventually a nurse said I should be able to see her soon, but they had to find someone to take me down in a wheelchair. This maybe took a half hour to an hour? I’m not too sure, but it felt like forever. I remember being irritated that my boyfriend couldn’t do it since he had already been down to see her several times and was perfectly capable of pushing a wheelchair, but some protocol required a professional to do it.

Finally, a nurse came in to wheel me down. I was so anxious going down the elevator, rolling down the hall, getting checked into NICU, getting a name tag... just let me see my baby already! At last I was wheeled into a tiny room with a little plastic crib and encountered a male NICU nurse holding my daughter. He handed her to me, I know he told me that she was doing great and should be released to be in the room with me soon, that she had been drinking a bottle, encouraging me to nurse, etc, but all I really remember was the shock of seeing her for the first time. 

It’s impossible to put into words. To say it was a “rush of love” in the way I so often hear described by new parents falls flat. That sounds too cuddly, too mushy, too soft. This feeling was fierce. My life revolted away from everything it had been in an instant. In one moment my whole world tipped on its side and revolved around this one tiny person. I was faced with all of the joy and love inside me and all of the fear and anxiety inside me all at once, with a deep knowledge that this was to be the way it was for the rest of my life, and she was looking up at me and SEEING me. She was laid on my chest against my skin and I was so overwhelmed with relief that we were finally together I could have stayed there in that tiny room holding her like that for an eternity. 

I don’t remember what roused me into leaving eventually. I know it took about another half of a day for them to release her from NICU to stay with me. My boyfriend and I alternated carrying for her, making our novice attempts at swaddling her and changing her diapers. She wouldn’t latch and I began what would become a grueling 8 week journey of constant pumping and an eventual frenectomy in my determination to breastfeed that eventually paid off. 

We had a few visitors, friends and family from both sides. All were taken aback at how CUTE she was. I kept thinking I was obviously biased but I heard it from everyone. Nurses would pop in unscheduled just to look at her. I was told over and over that she was the cutest baby in the hospital. One nurse in particular was so doting I joked with my boyfriend that we had to keep an eye on her or she’d walk off with her one of these stops.  I forget that often newborns spend their first few weeks rarely opening her eyes, because my daughter was constantly looking around her. It seemed like she was able to see much more than newborns are able to, because she would snap her eyes in the direction of sounds and voices like she could see across the room. She had a musical high-pitched cry unlike how most newborns cry as well. When the resident pediatrician made her first visit, my daughter cried at the touch of the cold stethoscope, and the doctor gasped, “she cries like a baby sparrow!” From that moment on she has been my Little Bird.

It was nice having the staff to assist in taking care of my baby while we were there, but it became apparent pretty quickly that the hospital stay wasn’t going to be restful. Of course I had a newborn to feed every few hours and tend to, but I also had nurses stopping in every few hours to give me medicine, take blood, take blood from the baby, take my blood pressure, etc. After four days I couldn’t wait to go home. They told me I could stay for a few more days, but I politely declined and was so so so happy to finally get back in my boyfriend’s car and take our baby home.

Now that it’s a few years later and I’m facing a second delivery, I’m just opting for the scheduled C-Section. Of course every labor is different and my doctor has assured me that the risk is minimal should I choose a VBAC, but I given the shock, pain, and trauma of the first one, I’d rather just skip all that and deal with the recovery I’m familiar with. As hard as it was, it was worth it of course. My daughter is a constant delight. Watching her grow and learn and develop her own personality is just a never-ending amazement. I am looking forward to finding out how similar and different her brother is going to be.

[altamont498]

I posted 6,085 times in 2022

That's 2,814 more posts than 2021!

90 posts created (1%)

5,995 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@somethingscarlet13

@homoclothes

@plaidsquid41030

@vampireautism

@queenmorningrose

I tagged 382 of my posts in 2022

#the great ace attorney - 37 posts

#altamont498 - 37 posts

#bungo stray dogs - 17 posts

#ryunosuke naruhodo - 14 posts

#long post - 14 posts

#ace attorney - 14 posts

#club penguin - 11 posts

#lupin the third - 10 posts

#nsft - 10 posts

#youtube - 10 posts

Longest Tag: 121 characters

#''i am leaving to set up a retirement home for elderly goldfish on top of mt. kilimanjaro. my last day will be march 20th

I sent 2 gifts in 2022

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Unfriendly reminder that the image description/alt text option on website builders and social media platforms is there for you to describe images for people that are reliant on screenreaders.

It's not there for you to put in some hidden snarky comment or to use in lieu of a caption or an image credit.

[Image is described in alt text]

208 notes - Posted June 15, 2022

#4

With everything that’s going on at the minute, it’s probably a good time to remember how to spot a scam, because they’re not always obvious and you aren’t necessarily immune to them on account of age or intelligence level.

The following are genuine examples of scams that have been reported by others on the internet. They are not intended to be exclusive or exhaustive and are used for illustrative purposes only.

Seems too good to be true

Like something for nothing or an unusually large discount on something that’s usually hard to come by or very expensive.

Came from out of the blue

Someone claiming to be your internet provider calls up saying there’s an issue with your device or internet connection, even though both have been working fine all morning.

Account details/Access requested

Someone claiming to be from your bank calls up asking to confirm your account details for security purposes, or asks for you to download a program to resolve an issue with your internet banking which will allow them to control your device remotely.

Money or vouchers requested

A relative calls up and asks for money out of the blue, saying that they’re in a foreign country and have been injured and that doctors refuse to treat them until they’ve been paid, and that they need you to sort out payment for them.

Or: Someone from the tax office calls up saying you’re £500 on taxes and you need to send them Amazon vouchers right away.

’

Disguised or under Duress

Someone calls up claiming to be from the police, saying that they’re investigating counterfeit currency and need you to withdraw £2500 to hand to a courier. They tell you to tell the clerk it’s for a birthday present for your spouse if they ask you why you need such a large amount of money and not to tell them the real reason why, or else you’ll end up going to jail.

If any of the above fit the bill or sound very similar to what someone is asking you to do, there’s a chance you could get SCAM’D.

And if you do happen to fall for scams, make sure you tell the authorities or your bank right away as they may be able to put a stop to them (no organisation known by an acronym wants anyone impersonating them) and maybe able to recover some or all of your money.

Don’t feel embarrassed about it—scammers can often exploit our “off” days.

227 notes - Posted August 24, 2022

#3

[This image is alt text enabled]

275 notes - Posted January 12, 2022

#2

It is not enough for me to stretch after a 7 hour shift in work. I need someone to pick me up and wring me like a wet cloth.

356 notes - Posted July 2, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Shout out to the people not doing Inktober, Flufftober, NaNoWriMo, etc. this year (or any year) for whatever reason.

Because they have prior work commitments (retail/service can be hell this time of year).

Because they’re too busy with school work or exam prep.

Because they’re dealing with chronic conditions and illnesses.

Because they have poor mental health and want to prioritise that.

Have other personal priorities and commitments.

Because they have no ideas or are between projects.

Because they don’t have energy.

Because they just don’t bloody well want to thank you very much.

You aren’t any less valid as an artist/writer/creator, and can’t/shouldn’t be pressured into doing anything you don’t want to do or made to feel bad about it.

This list is not intended to be exclusive or exhaustive, additions are welcomed.

P.S Not intended to be hate on anyone who does actually participate or enjoy these monthly challenges.

3,664 notes - Posted October 4, 2022

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