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bunnyluvx · 4 months

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genshin characters and how they spend your birthday with you! ♡

featuring: jean, diluc & itto x gn!reader (romantic). xiangling & gn!reader (platonic).

summary: how genshin characters would celebrate your birthday with you!

warnings: implied death mention in jean's part, and kind of an implied spoiler to itto's backstory?? not 100% on that one but better safe than sorry. nothing else!

a/n: HIHIHI MY DARLINGS!!!! it has been quite awhile since i posted and i am so sorry for that!! my mental health and writing motivation are really taking me through the ringer here. but i have more fluffy fluff for u sillies!!!! this idea was given to me by someone who i used to be in a server with, and i really liked it. diluc's idea was inspired by @novelbear! i haven't played genshin in so long and i want to continue it but mannnn i get so overwhelmed whenever i go on the game. i do really like this game though and plan to make more content of it in the future. i have yet to complete the inazuma quests which i REALLY need to do bc man this game progresses a lot quicker than i thought. not proofread, most of my posts probably won't be. also i have opened my commissions and requests, so if you want to send any of those, then please do!!!! all info is on my profile. i think that that's it for this time around, so enjoy!!!!!

divider credit: @isisjupiter

date started: 2:58PM, may 10th, 2024. date finished: 8:36PM, june 6th, 2024.

wc: 4.2k

jean ♡

being acting grandmaster of the knights of favonius is both a blessing and a curse. while she is honored to help mondstadt be a better nation for its citizens and for travelers, her position also needs her constant attention. she can never have a moment's peace before someone is dragging her into a task or a meeting. this has definitely had an impact on your relationship with her. you knew that when you got into a relationship with jean, that she would not be able to spend as much time with you as you would have liked. the two of you had a conversation about this, for she wanted you to understand what you were getting into if you committed to a relationship with her. she worries even now that eventually, you will grow tired of always waiting for her to return home to you and that one day, when she comes back, you'll just be..gone. of course, you reassured her that you were okay with that, and you are! you know that her duties are important for the future of mondstadt. so, you have patience with her. she is grateful every single day for your understanding and compassion, and in turn, she tries to make as much time as she can for you. so, when your birthday came around, she made sure to clear the entire day weeks in advance. and she made it absolutely clear to everyone at headquarters that she will not be available for any work matters for that day, because she wanted to prioritize you.

you awoke on your birthday morning to jean sitting at your bedside, gently caressing your face and running her fingers through your hair. her eyes twinkled affectionately down at you as you peeled your eyes open, their color completely captivating her. she really is a lovesick fool when it comes to you, but it is something that she has come to accept and embrace. she greets you to the waking world softly, and you can't help but smile up at her. with the morning sun bathing her in its glorious light, the sweet smile that tugs on her lips and the look in her eyes as she gazes at you, you wouldn't be surprised if she told you that she came straight from celestia to grace you with her presence. she wishes you a happy birthday and you thank her, then she proceeds to tell you that she cleared her entire schedule for the day to spend it with you however you liked. of course, you were ecstatic, then she brought you the breakfast that she made for you. before you began to eat, she sang you happy birthday. you always loved it when she sang, you wished that she would do it more often. you relish every word that vibrates from her vocal chords so melodiously, and when she was done, she gave you a kiss and told you to eat up. you would need fuel for your special day, after all.

once you were both ready, you headed out to take a walk throughout mondstadt. it is not often that you and jean get to go out just to appreciate the nation together, so you figured that it was the perfect time to do that now that you have jean to yourself. you started by walking through the beloved city first. the only place that you two didn't pass was the knights of favonius headquarters. the last thing that jean wanted to think about was work while she was trying to focus on you. jean marveled at the townspeople while the two of you walked along. it isn't often that she gets the chance to relax without the weight of her position on her shoulders, so she made sure to appreciate every little thing as the two of you walked along. she was very excited to leave the city and explore with you, maybe more-so than you were. you went to springvale for a quick lunch before exploring the whispering woods and stopping to by starfell lake to take a rest. you soaked your feet in the water and talked for hours, it felt like there was nothing that could have torn the two of you from that spot. another year of your life has gone by, and even after everything that you have been through, you are still able to have sweet moments like this. jean was the one who finally got the two of you up and on your feet again, since she knew that if you stayed any longer, then you wouldn't want to leave.

your final destination for the day was galesong hill. you decided that you wanted to sit under the symbol of mondstadt's hero, and as she loves this place too, she didn't have any complaints. when you arrived, hand-in-hand, you both gaze upon the tree. it is a beautiful symbol of the one who watches over mondstadt, who is sworn to protect its citizens from the high skies of celestia. jean finds herself coming here whenever she is having a problem, it helps her to recollect her thoughts and figure things out. that, and being reminded of the sacrifices that have been made for their great nation motivate jean to be a better grandmaster and a better knight. she releases your hand to kneel before the tree, lowering her head respectfully before opening her mouth to pray, "lady vennessa, please ensure of my dear one's safety. they are adored by the people of mondstadt, by their loved ones..and by me. i want them to have many more birthdays, and many more lives after this one. and i hope that wherever they go, that i will not be far to follow." with that, she rises and turns to look at you and smile. she extends her hand to you as a light breeze drifts across your bodies. "come on, let's sit under the tree together."

you take her hand, and sit under the tree at her side. your backs rest against the bark, and her arm rests around your shoulders to pull you close. your head rests on her shoulder, and her head rests on yours. both of your eyes remain closed as you listen to the sounds around you. the water from the lake, the rustling of the leaves and grass, the wind dancing in the air; if you could have stayed in that moment forever, then you definitely would have. you two spent until sunset like this, just as the sun disappeared from the sky. when you got home, you thanked jean for giving you such a wonderful day, and jean held you close to her chest as you drifted into slumber. she was delighted to be the person to make you so happy on your special day, and she wants you to continue to allow her to make you happy for as long as you see fit. hopefully, that will be forever.

diluc ♡

similar to jean, diluc is a busy bee. he owns the finest winery in all of mondstadt, plus he fights crime by night! needless to say, his schedule is very, very packed, so when he became official with you, you both knew that he wasn't going to give you as much time as you liked. and you were fine with that, because diluc always made sure to show you that he loved you, regardless of how often you were able to see each other or spend time together. so, when your birthday was closing in, he wanted to do something extra special for you. months prior to your birthday, he was brainstorming on what exactly he could do when the idea struck him one night. he found a jar in his cabinets and grabbed some blank papers and a pair of scissors from his office before he started to cut the papers up into small hearts. on every single small heart-shaped paper, he wrote reasons why he loves you. he folded the papers in half and put them into the jar, and when the day came, the first thing that he did was go to the city to find you so that he could give you his gift.

when he gave it to you, he told you to take one heart out of the jar every day until your birthday came. when you started on the first day, you couldn't help but melt. every day that you opened that jar and took out one of those small pieces of paper was a day where you fell even more in love with diluc, as if you didn't do that on a daily basis regularly. the papers talked about how you have always been so supportive of him and his endeavors, how understanding and patient you are, your kindness, how just being around you makes him feel like a better version of himself and how you have changed his life in the best possible way. there is nothing that warmed your heart more than getting to open that jar everyday, and you kept it and the papers long after your birthday ended. when diluc noticed, he was glad to see that you kept it. it meant that he made you happy and that he was able to show you just how much he loved you.

when the day of your birth actually came, diluc left a letter outside of your doorstep to meet him at stormbearer point at sunset. he spent the entirety of that day cooking up your favorite foods and grabbing your favorite snacks that he kept in stock just for you, as well as grabbing your favorite drinks. not to mention, just that day, he was able to introduce a new drink at angel's share. grape juice, and named after you. he brought a bottle of that along with him in the basket that he managed to neatly place all of the food into, then began him fussing over what to wear. very unlike him, yes, but he wanted everything about this evening to be perfect for you. when he did eventually decide on an outfit, he went to stormbearer point and got everything set up.

as he was smoothing out the blanket on the floor, he heard footsteps behind him. he turned around and saw you standing there; archons be damned, worshipping you is his calling. a gentle smile graces his face as he approaches you, greeting you and asking you to come sit with him. when you sat with him, you couldn't believe what you were seeing. so many of your different favorite foods, snacks and drinks, and a bottle of something that you didn't recognize. you asked about it, and you could see the sparkle of excitement in his eyes. he picked up the bottle to show it to you, and when you read your name on the bottle, you felt taken aback. and when he told you it was grape juice? you could have dissipated on the spot. his favorite drink named after you, oh you just feel so lucky to have him. you hug him close and thank him for everything, and his arms come around you to embrace you.

he couldn't have been happier that you enjoyed everything, and as you started to eat, drink and talk, he watched as you became more blinding than the sun with how brightly you glowed. all throughout the evening, you told him how wonderful everything was and thanked him endlessly. he hushed you and told you that everything that he had done was nothing compared to how you have impacted his life. he told you just how much you mean to him, and how you are someone that he wants at his side for eternity. he finds wording his feelings difficult, but he knows that you deserve to hear how much he cares for you, so he tries his best.

"you have been an unexpected change in my life. love has never been a priority for me, and when we first met, i would never have imagined falling for you. instead of falling, i completely tripped over myself. it was like rolling down a never-ending hill. it was scary, i have never been in love before, so i didn't know what to expect. i tried again and again to deny it, to tell myself that it wasn't love, but there was a point when i could no longer turn away from it. you made it easy to feel comfortable with you, and as we became closer, i found myself wanting to be in your presence." he gently takes your hand in his as he continues, "you have always been my biggest supporter. you are patient, kind and gentle. i have never known a gentleness like yours, and i cherish it with all that i am. i cherish you. you are precious to me, and i could never ask for a better partner. happy birthday, my dear. i love you."

xiangling ♡

xiangling is the type of person to keep track of all of her friends' birthdays. she keeps a personal calendar for them, as well as other big, important events like cooking competitions or liyue's festivals. so, when she saw that your birthday was approaching, she knew that she wanted to do something big for you! you have been a good friend of hers for so long, so she wanted to show her appreciation! so, she spent awhile gathering information about you, specifically your favorite foods and drinks. she also made note of foods and drinks that you wanted to try that you haven't gotten the chance to, for one reason or the other. around four weeks in advance is when she began to prepare. she made sure to have all of the ingredients before getting to work. dish after dish, she cooked, and she ensured that everything was absolutely perfect. she even made all of the drinks that you wanted on her own! she wanted to put all of this effort into your special day, because you are a special person to her. and she wants you to remember that forever.

keeping all of her preparations a secret from you was insanely difficult. it was so hard for her not to spill everything out some days, but she was determined to make all of this a surprise. she even asked xingqiu and chongyun to keep you busy on the days that she really needed to concentrate, because she knew that you would have tried to come see her to check in and hang out. the boys definitely did keep you on your toes when they would find you around the city at random and drag you off to do whatever. there were times when you were suspicious, but you never had the time to think too much about it since it happened so fast.

things got really intense the week before your birthday, and as the days ticked away, xiangling became more and more stressed. everything had to be just right for your special day, and she had her heart setting on making sure that you enjoyed yourself. so, when the day came, she asked her dad to close up wanmin restaurant and made sure to completely avoid you while xingqiu and chongyun dragged you around to do things that you honestly don't even remember. you became increasingly more suspicious, but now? you were completely certain that something was up. when the sun was setting, you had gone home to take a nap, but it was very short, for the boys grabbed you by the wrist and dragged you out of bed. you were dreary as you trudged around, eventually becoming more awake since you bumped into several things and tripped twice. and finally, you got to see what all of the fuss was about.

a long, large table filled with a plethora of your favorite foods, drinks, and things that you have been wanting to try. lanterns hung up on strings all around the area, and all of your loved ones smiling at you, saying happy birthday in unison. in the center of it all is a shyly smiling xiangling; she was really worried that you wouldn't like it, that you would think that it was too much and overwhelm you, or maybe you didn't want something as big of this- oh gods, what if you didn't like it?! despite doing her best to hide it, you could tell that something was bothering xiangling, so you asked her what was up. she told you that she hoped that you liked it, and it all clicked. she was the one who set all of this up. honestly, you should have known. all of the questions about your favorite foods and drinks? you feel so silly for not figuring it out sooner. you giggle and tell her that you love everything, and that makes xiangling light up. she gives you a big squeeze, and onto the feast you go! the night is a lovely one indeed. you spent the day with all of your favorite people in the world, eating and laughing together. xiangling was happy to see you happy, and you couldn't ask for a better best friend.

itto ♡

for him, itto doesn't need a calendar when it comes to birthdays. he has all of the birthdays of his loved ones committed to memory. he may be goofy, but he would never forget a day as special as a birthday! so, when yours began to approach, he made sure that everybody in inazuma city knew that your day was coming. this continued before, during and afterwards. he believes with all of his being that you are the most special person in the entire world, and that you deserve to have thousands worship you at your feet. that is his mission every single day as your boyfriend, and the way that he carries it out is very..boisterous. when you two are out and about, like shopping for example, when he is paying for something for you, he always mentions that your birthday is soon. he pretty much tells almost anyone at any given chance that your birthday is coming up. it is embarrassing, but in a good way! you love that he is so unapologetic about your relationship. he loves you so much that he wants everybody to know it, and you're okay with that.

when the day actually came, ohohohohohohohohohohohohohooooooo lord you were in for a treat. itto sent the gang away for the day, for he wanted to be able to spend the entirety of the day with you! he made you your favorite breakfast meal and prepared a tray for you, and awakened you ever so gently. when you opened your eyes, you saw your oni with a big ol' grin on his face and held out the tray of food that he made for you. "good morning, baby! happy birthdayyyy! i made you breakfast!" you sat up slowly and thank itto for the meal while he carefully sets a pillow behind your back to support you before gently setting the tray into your lap. "you are gonna loooovvveeee today. i got the guys to skidaddle for the day, so it's gonna be just you and me! anything that you wanna do today, i am all yours! and hey, after you have breakfast, i have a gift for youuuu." he assures you, and you thank him. he, of course, says it's no biggie. anything for his sweet doll to be happy! he sits at your side and wraps an arm around you while you eat, softly chatting every once in awhile. red eyes watch your every move and adore them, he has grown so terribly fond of you that not staring at you feels like a crime. if he could watch you forever, then he totally would. but alas, the world needs the one and oni, arataki itto. siiiigghhhhh.

after breakfast, you got yourself all ready for the day, once that was done, itto very excitedly gathered you so that he could give you your birthday gift. he tells you to close your eyes, and you do so reluctantly. when you open them, you see two onikabuto beetles! he explains that he was looking around for one when a guy came up to him and said that he was the keeper of the beetles in the area. itto brought up that he wanted to catch one for your birthday, and the keeper agreed to let him keep one. so, while itto was scoping around, he found these two! and it seemed like they were mates! so, of course, itto brought it up to the keeper, and begrudgingly, he allowed itto to have them. itto said that he thought of you when he saw the two beetles in love, and you couldn't have felt like you were more in love with him than in that moment. he really said "these are us!!!"

ohhhh but that wasn't all, no no no. you are never finished when it comes to arataki itto. he tells you once again to close your eyes, and you do so. when you open them, itto is holding a trading card deck box. it is decorated with your favorite colors, and even has your name on it. when you asked him about it, itto said that he got someone to make you your very own trading card game!! you love to play tcg with itto, so he thought, what better way to celebrate your birthday then to do one of your favorite things together? buuuttttt it is much more special with this deck, especially made for you!! you took the box from him and sat down, carefully opening the box so that you don't rip it and began to look through the cards. it was all of your favorite things, and it even included an illustration of you, itto and lil' ushi!!!!! as if you weren't already head over heels for itto????? dear lord, he went above and beyond for you this time around. you thought that your birthdays with him in the past were extreme, but this? this is everything that you could have wanted. you tackle hug itto and squeeze him really tight, kissing all over his face and thanking him for such lovely gifts. he hugs you back and nonchalantly responds, as usual, that he would do anything for you, love.

you two went on to have a lovely day out together. you spent a lot of time getting a habitat for your onikabuto buddies, brainstorming names for them, etc. itto has a good amount of knowledge about onikabuto beetles in order to know what to do to take care of them, but he still wanted to learn as much as he could so that he could give your new babies a good life. so, he spent quite a bit of that time telling you all about beetle care for onikabutos, and you listened intently the entire time. you love listening to him talk about the things that he loves always warms your heart, he is such a passionate person and you admire him deeply for that. you shopped for things for your onikabuto habitat as well as other things, and for awhile, you stopped to play your new trading card game! you had a wonderful day with your boyfriend, and when night fell, it only got better.

while you and itto were out having all sorts of fun, the arataki gang set up a party for you! everything and everyone that you love was there, and you truly felt spoiled. of course, itto was the one who asked them to set all of this up for you. you have a very good relationship with all of the arataki gang, and you all know each other pretty well. so, itto trusted them to take care of it and make everything perfect for you. they did splendidly, no doubt, and you spent the majority of that night celebrating your day. during your party, many of your loved ones gave speeches to tell you just how loved and wonderful you are. obviously, itto did one too. once he steps up, he begins, "honey, you are one of the greatest things to ever happen to me. i am so lucky to be able to have such a gorgeous, lovely person like you as my partner. i never saw myself finding love, i didn't think that it was possible. but you?" he laughs, then continues, "you made it possible, baby! you hurled your way into my life, and i am so happy to call you part of my family. let's keep making lots of happy memories just like this one together, okay? now come on, let's PARTYYYYY!!" the crowd cheers, and he charges over to sweep you up into his arms. he lifts you up by your thighs, just under your butt, and spins around with you before lowering you slightly to kiss you.

you spend the rest of that night partying until you went home to snuggle up with your man. he holds you close to his chest, and you thank him for such a lovely day. "anything for you, honeybee. you deserve to have all of the best birthdays, and i hope that i get to be there for every single one." he places a kiss to your forehead, "now, let's get some sleep, okay?" you agreed, and you both promptly fell asleep in each other's arms. in your eyes, he will always be number one.

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colourful-void · 2 months

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[truly off the charts levels of aitsf nirvana initiative spoilers]

some thoughts on mizuki date and mizuki kuranushi

the whole timeline switch thing is admittedly: cool as fuck. love it conceptually. its neat as hell. in practice i think it required some of the game to be a bit... strained in logic and perhaps if we were less committed to clone Mizuki and some other aspects it would feel a little less like we had to rob Mizuki (Date) as a character to make it work.

I can explain why i feel this way:

Don't get me wrong, its set up really really well in a lot of places. i see now which is awesome. the set up isn't so much the problem, there definitely could've been a bit more in the set up but overall it's solid.

my problem is that, in order to make this work, Mizuki and Bibi need to be functionally indistinguishable from each other not just in appearance but in personality. NOW there are key differences I noted which was very good!!! I did see this, i just think like, the fundamental concept means they have to be significantly more similar than they are dissimilar and that makes for....

Okay like:

Mizuki and Bibi having the same scooter? Fantastic, it's mentioned early on that's abis provided, of course they're the same. having the same gun, sure even, it might be a 'mizuki custom' but if we assume mizuki date didn't actually care that much about her gun's specifics I totally see boss replicating the first one. I'm sure bibi would've wanted that too. Having the same PIPE is bothering me. Because now we're verging into some nature over nurture territory.

Mizuki Date loved that pipe when she was 12, it's something she picked up afaik after coming to live with date even, bcs she didn't have it when she was getting bullied in school. Her having one makes sense. But bibi has a pipe, seemingly because... Mizuki has one.

So then, was it a unique choice Mizuki made when she was younger, or does 'being mizuki' mean predestined to wield a pipe? (i can also see Bibi like, watching over mizuki and deciding she also wants a pipe but that's only slightly better because it's still externally denying the characters individuality) [A minor way of adjusting this could be having Mizuki Date only ever use the pipe, and Bibi only ever use the Evolver.]

There are some good moments of them being different i can recall off hand, bibi talking about her younger sister (mizuki) for example, to shoma, etc. but like. 90% of the time you're not supposed to be able to tell them apart. So they think the same way, and act the same way, and when you're playing a game literally in the brain of a character its hard to even pass off as just, presentation or a front. and i wanna be clear i know there are minor differences.

Bibi doesn't react to Date's appearance in the warehouse (because she didn't know him like Mizuki Date, but also looking back since that was in the past like, Mizuki Date wouldn't have reacted either.), I think there's a little difference in how bibi and mizuki treat boss, maybe? But since mizuki is still playing around with boss and giving her puppy dog eyes in the first investigation scene when That's Mizuki Date and not Bibi, it doesn't quite land.

Because the small pool of people who actually know, Ryuki and Boss and all have to TREAT Mizuki Date and Bibi basically identical for this to work. And again, you can stretch it. Boss is trying to maintain professionalism, etc. But it's another layer of them being... basically the same.

Mainly, my biggest problem is less everyone else and how Mizuki Date and Bibi think and act.

Mizuki Date and Bibi are allegedly two different characters. They're given two different backstories, and lived two very different lives. Despite that, aside from a few minor hints and character quirks, they behave and interact indistinguishably from each other. And that kind of cheapens both of them as people.

Like, we just had this whole game that had everyone saying "if this hadn't happened, if my father hadn't been killed, if this child hadn't been kidnapped, if So Sejima had just kicked it at 20, maybe none of this would've happened, life could've been so different" and then also showed us 'Even if your life was extremely different you would still think and act exactly the same'.

TC-PERGE and alcoholism was a huge part of it, but the cited reason for a lot of Ryuki's behaviour is the trauma right?? Like it comes up multiple times, but the unique traumas that both Mizuki's faced? I guess impacted them exactly the same. or not at all, in Mizuki date's case because we never get proper resolution on the whole 'you were adopted and then your adopted parents couldn't or wouldn't raise you properly so gave you off to Date, who then disappeared." i'm still entirely unclear on who was the guardian of this 12 year old child after that.

TLDR

i think a lot of this twist is really cool conceptually, i'm on board with a lot of it. But in practice, Bibi and Mizuki are only different characters because of their wildly different backstories. They think and act identically, despite having such different circumstances which should lead to different thoughts and actions. In a game where the final Somnium ends in a long chain of "What ifs" where it's characters ask if they could've lived differently had just a few things been different, the central characters appear to demonstrate that no, they wouldn't.

and that kinda bums me out.

#authors NOTES; i still like this game a lot actually please dont murder me #if anything i said in this ramble is incorrect please correct me i was in a fugue state playing this ending #aitsf #aitsf nirvana initiative #aitsf spoilers #aitsf niravana initiative spoilers #ai the somniun files nirvana initiative #ai the somnium files #ai the somnium files spoilers #mizuki date #mizuki kuranushi

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s-b-party · 1 year

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Imbibitor Lunae & Bailu of the Path of Permanence

****Spoilers for Imbibitor Lunae companion quest****

The title might not make sense now but trust me I’ll explain lol

To sum up Imbibitor Lunae’s companion quest, it looks more into Dan Heng’s past life as Dan Feng

As we see the internal conflict amongst the Vidyadhara, we also take a close look at the relationship between Dan Heng & Bailu as two high elders (past & present)

There are 2 main sides who want different things when it comes to the high elder: those who want Bailu to stay as the high elder & those who want to change the high elder

The main reason for those in support of Bailu is that she herself was chosen by Dan Feng previously, so it is a case, as Jing Yuan states, of legitimacy

Those in opposition of Bailu do not acknowledge her bc they believe she is weak

And of course a majority of the vidyadhara we see (aside from Bailu) does not want Dan Heng back anywhere amongst them bc of what Dan Feng did

To clear up some possible confusion, there are 2 crimes at this point that Dan Feng may have committed, one is in regard to Blade’s backstory & the other involves the transmutation arcanum; the one that seems to be more relevant in this companion quest is the 2nd one

NOTE: In my original thread on Twitter, my phrasing was poor so it sounded like it was all facts but it's still essentially theories/implications at this point so I apologize for my bad phrasing over there if that's what you saw first, remember to take with a grain of salt

*For context of the 1st crime, it's implied that Dan Feng granted immortality to someone of the short-lived species which turned out to be Yingxing aka Blade; it is known that immortality is taboo on the Xianzhou so it would not be surprising if Dan Feng got punished for helping someone become immortal, leading to his molting rebirth & eventual exile as punishment*

*Arcanum comes from Latin meaning secret, could also be referring to a cure/medicine at times, transmutation refers to the process of changing one material into another (they need to have similar properties in order to be transmutated i.e. one metal to another metal, etc.)*

When we look at the dialogue of some of the characters, we can see some who mention a “draconic abomination”; we don’t know for certain who this is referring to, some would suggest Bailu because of the word “draconic” but what doesn’t click immediately is that they seem to talk about this abomination as if it was violent which doesn’t seem to fit Bailu’s temperament; now we aren’t completely sure of everything that happened back then so perhaps this could imply that Dan Feng tried to alter the transmutation arcanum multiple times & got different results aka there were experiments; Bailu’s last character story explains that something likely went wrong w/ the transmutation arcanum which stunted her growth so it would seem that Bailu’s (re)birth wasn’t typical (she also hasn’t seen any dreams of dragon ancestors); idk if I would go so far as to call her an abomination so it might be someone else

The changes made to the transmutation arcanum were to help the Vidyadhara escape the constant cycles of rebirth & to give them a way to procreate normally; it seemed that Dan Feng somehow managed to find a solution to that & this was his 2nd crime (because he was playing god by creating life)

Now the reason why I mention all of this is because it can be tied into what the existence of Long the Permanence could mean and I think that IL & Bailu could be considered as those who embody (not follow) the Path of Permanence (I know they are the Paths of Destruction & Abundance respectfully but hear me out 😂)

HYV recently released the video regarding Long & it brought up an overall interesting question: what is the meaning behind the existence of permanence?

For Preceptor Taoran, he states “Only by comprehending & aligning with the way of the world can one’s path lead to everlasting existence. Countless new creations emerge when one dragon meets its end among the morning stars. For the Vidyadhara, this is the true meaning of the Permanence.” (2:16 in video)

Now obviously not every Vidyadhara is going to agree w/ this but it does bring up what the 2 sides in the quest truly seek; there is an irony to the reasoning behind both sides’ views against Bailu & Dan Feng/Heng respectively

In Bailu’s case, she is seen as “weak & useless” & the high elder should be someone strong and yet she has healing capabilities that make her extraordinary even among the Vidyadhara; Dan Feng was known to be a warrior but then he committed sins which involved tampering of life & immortality for which he was punished

Both are resented for something they lack or something bad they did but they are revered for the traits they do have

Bailu is revered for her healing abilities but resented for her lack of strength, Dan Feng was revered for being a strong warrior but resented for messing w/ life

I’d like to suggest that the quest presents Bailu & Imbibitor Lunae as 2 halves of a whole which make up the Path of Permanence, life (Bailu of abundance) & death (Imbibitor Lunae of destruction)

As Taoran stated, life is full of changes and those who understand the world & its laws can reach everlasting existence; life is full of cycles of life & death which Bailu & IL symbolize

Even more interesting is how well Bailu & IL get along with each other despite their differences & how others view them; they are a great duo to depict balance

At the end Bailu wonders why Dan Feng chose her as his successor & even though Dan Feng committed some crimes, part of me thinks that him choosing her makes sense if we look at it symbolically (after destruction comes life & it’ll repeat), it all comes back to life & death which is needed for balance & it’s this balance that makes up Permanence

So what about the other Vidyadhara? What they want is one or the other, representing imbalance which would contradict a bit of what Taoran stated was the meaning of the Permanence

Now this isn’t to say that Dan Feng was right about doing what he did or that they should get rid of Bailu, what I want to emphasize is that the Vidyadhara’s internal conflict beautifully depicts the question of what Long’s revelation about Permanence signifies for them

There isn’t truly one single correct answer; if we refer back to “Exodus of the Five Dragons” Penman Oppenheimer gives 3 possible answers that could answer that big question

The thing is not everybody is going to have the same answer

Some might agree w/ either of those that Oppenheimer suggested, others might have different answers, but that is just how life is

We often say that nothing lasts forever which is true but I think that some of the things that do last forever are life’s beauty & its complexities

#honkai star rail #hsr #honkai star rail lore #honkai star rail spoilers #hsr aeons #hsr long #imbibitor lunae #bailu #dan feng #dan heng

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weaponizedducks · 5 days

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Hello! Your pinned post mentions The Shapeshifter books so 🫵 hi

Tell me about them. Who's your favourite character? What do you like about them?

(feel free to redeem this ask as a way to infodump if you want. license to yap)

omg hi hi!! i love you so much for asking this and im sorry for turning this ask into an infodump. definite spoilers for the shapeshifter below.

ok so my favourite character is lisa probably bc shes iconic and her instincts when something goes wrong is just to attack. either verbally or physically. also her backstory is so sad??? like she predicts someones about to die but she doesnt know thats what her visions mean (bc her visions are very cryptic and she was like 10 at the time) so she only realised when the girl died and then blamed herself?? like what??? these books are so dark for a kids series. i think she deserved a gun and also to say fuck. i really love her relationship with dax also theyre just so cute. like she'll by fully attacking someone and he's like :). isnt she so pretty :). theyre a bi4bi power couple i just know it.

also she fully had a doomed wlw situationship with mia and i fear we dont talk about it enough. mia was fully in love with her both before and after she went evil. like they very much gave cherik for a hot moment there. actually now that i'm thinking about it shapeshifters is very x men coded. so yeah im never getting over lisa and mia but i do love her and dax so im not mad.

MIA OH MY GOD. I LOVE MIA SO MUCH. never before has someone so deserved their villain arc. she's like morgana. i LOVED the subversion of her being the sweet healer-y type and then going batshit insane with her healer powers. like kinda using them for...nefarious purposes shall we say. she's still very sweet she's just very cunty and evil now.

i also love alice especially in the last book bc. shes just a kid. her mother's shit. stepmom neglected dax and smothered alice while never actuallly listening to her wants and needs. and their fathers never there. i wish we had gotten to see alice and dax bond more over their shitty parents. they could have been the best sibling duo. also shes badass and she would have loved wearing pink to see barbie (2023).

gideon for me is one of those characters who is so into women it just wraps around into him being gay. he's like lance mcclain to me. he deserved a boyfriend. also i think he's bi (i think everyone's bi. i don't think there's a single straight character in these books. minus mr grey). i love gideon he's so mecore. he's also traumatised!!! and he has a twin brother and an evil twin sister who's thirteen and ripped out her brother's tongue.

on the subject of gid's evil twin sister she is SUCH an interesting character to me. like obviously i hate catherine but she's so fascinating. her power means she can never stay with someone for too long or she'll end up killing them. she never has her own likes or hobbies or talents- she borrows someone elses because she feels herself isnt good enough. she crucified a man. she's killed three adoptive mothers. sort of on purpose. she just wants to be loved. she drowned an entire school with a massive tidal wave after leeching their powers. she was killed with fire. she was french for a while. she's perpetually thirteen years old.

i love the series as a whole but i think it had so much potential to be more. it was already pretty dark (windmill scene. need i say more) but it was technically a teen fantasy series, and i feel if they committed to a YA age rating and went all out with the horror and the very clear 'fuck the government' theme that was present throughout the whole series it could have been amazing. i have so many ideas for these books and what they could have done (note i love the books so much as they are but god. what we could have had if they weren't technically kids books).

also just realised i forgot to talk abt owen!!! gay father figure of our hearts. he accidentally adopts a bunch of motherless children and then he commits to it for the rest of his life. he canonically faked his death to live in a cave in spain with his superpowered male best friend. he's killed quite a few people.

this is the end of the Yap. in conclusion none of these characters are either normal or know how to function in society. i love these books. theyre like xmen and harry potter combined. but no jk rowling so win

#there are so many characters i missed but trust these books are amazing.#also clive is so funny to me. yeah he has no powers but he just hangs around bc he's smart and was once in love with the main guy.#no seriously tysm so much for this ask #kissing you on the forehead and giving a you a friendship bracelet #dia answers #blue analyses things #the shapeshifter #dax jones #lisa hardman #gideon reader #mia cooper #catherine reader #ali sparkes

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fallindomino · 2 years

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i’ll always think abt s1 sibuna bc of how and why each member ended up joining like

first is nina, and yeah technically sibuna doesn’t exist until amber but i’ll get there. nina shows up to anubis house and feels extremely unwelcome, due to patricia and the tension in the house caused by patricia blaming her for joy’s disappearance. nina feels so unwelcome she starts going to school early, which is how she meets sarah on the bench outside of anubis house. this leads to her taking sarah back to the old folks’ home where she gets the locket and is instructed by sarah to find and protect the treasure.

fabian is a bit different cause you could argue that he gets involved in sibuna and the mystery cause he likes nina but i think there’s more to it as well. at the beginning of s1 we’re shown that fabian’s best friends are joy and patricia. joy has suddenly left and patricia is obsessed with being rude to nina and figuring out joy’s disappearance, so fabian is probably feeling pretty alone at that point too. combined with the obvious connections to egypt that the mystery had and he was sold.

amber is the most fascinating to me bc she on the surface she seems like the least likely to get involved but in the chain of events it makes perfect sense. mick and mara have started to hang out a lot due to mara tutoring him and amber is getting jealous and upset that mick is spending less time with her. to me it seemed like amber was worried that mick was gonna leave her for mara and she wasn’t going to have anyone. she wasn’t previously shown to be super close to anyone at anubis house besides him, so in her mind, she needed friends and fast. when she overhears nina trying to solve the second clue, she then leans over the stall to snap a pic and basically blackmail nina into telling her what’s going on lol. pretty soon after that she comes up with the sibuna name and iconic hand gesture and bam new solid friend group.

patricia had been feeling alone for basically the entire time since joy left, so she gravitated to the first person who it seemed would give her real answers, rufus. when she convinces nina to come with her to meet rufus about her locket, and they see him being taken away by victor, patricia no longer has anyone to help her. combined with the fact that witnessing this event together cleared some of the tension between patricia and nina and it was the perfect time for patricia to join sibuna.

tbh looking back on s1, alfie becoming part of sibuna seemed like more of a foregone conclusion considering how many times he became collateral damage to their shenanigans, poor dude. between getting in trouble after fabian broke the clock, to getting trapped in the cellar, to getting poisoned by them, he really had it rough lol. besides that, all throughout s1 his best friend is jerome. except jerome doesn’t always act like a good friend to alfie. constantly sabotaging his efforts to woo amber, making him pay for his help, and ditching alfie the second it looked like he had a chance with mara, by the student council arc alfie is feeling pretty abandoned by jerome. the scene where he thinks ms andrews is a snake alien and tackles her to the ground is both hilarious and relevant because it leads to the rest of sibuna deciding they truly can’t leave him in the dark anymore, and he becomes one of them.

like their bond is so strong not only because amber forced them to burn objects of value to them in a fire barrel behind the school (lol i just rlly wanted to mention that, like girl was committed) or because they were the only ones who knew about the mystery, but because they all needed each other. when each of them was at their lowest and most alone, they found a group of people like them who would stick by them and idk i just think that’s cool and wanted to rant abt it shdjdjdj

#house of anubis #hoa s1 #in my sibuna feels at 3 am lol #and i mean im sure the trauma bonding helped #but i’ve thought about these parallels before and wanted to talk abt it #sibuna club? more like lonely chaos demons club #im a sucker for found family i can’t help it

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golbrocklovely · 8 months

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i’m interest in allll the psychoanalyses on the guys if you wanna share 👀

i've answered asks like this before, where i kinda go into some detail about what i think on them, but i don't mind doing it again lol

but before i do, i just want to say that this is all just my assumptions about this. there is no definitive proof to what i'm saying, so take what i say with a grain of salt. they are real ppl at the end of the day, so i don't want to say too much or have you guys believing something that might not be true. this is just what i've noticed and what i think. but i also don't know them so…… you don't gotta listen to me.

so snc have a lot of overlap in some of their…quirks, so to speak. but i'm gonna try to just separate it into what i think about sam and what i think about colby. so if i end up repeating myself, you know why.

sam…. sam is an interesting cookie. see for years, this fandom (and me as well) have always thought that colby was the mysterious one, that he was the aloof one. and while he is in some regards, i feel like i can read him very easily at times. not to mention he ends up airing out a lot of things nonchalantly without even realizing it. but sam is an oddball. he almost never shows or tells so it's hard to really know what's going on in his head.

but that's the thing. i don't think even he truly knows.

i think both boys suffer with this, but sam especially: they want to be seen as a nice guy, the hero - so to speak. they never want to be seen in a negative light. and bc of that, they go out of their way to please everyone. and the thing is, you can't really do that. but sam does it differently than colby does. sam does this in his own personal life - he never wants to do the wrong thing, so he always tries to do what others deem as good or right. but i feel like he never gives it a second thought as to whether that's something he truly wants.

i know this will probably be a bit controversial, so no one try to come for me, but i fully believe that sam was never gonna marry kat. if for argument's sake colby didn't get sick last year and things would have worked out in their favor and sam and kat would have gotten engaged, i think they would have ended up calling it off or getting married but divorced not too long after. but it's not bc he didn't love kat, i just genuinely think he wasn't ready and probably won't be for a long time to get married.

sam has made it abundantly clear over the years that he doesn't want to grow up, that's he's scared of losing his youth, of getting older. and i think to him marriage was a sign that his youth is gone. that he no longer can be a boy, that he HAS to be a man. marriage is a lot of commitment, it's a huge step for a reason. and while i think he loved kat, i just don't think he ever wanted to get married. or he wanted to wait until he "had to" get married - when he finally felt like his youth was truly gone. but that's the thing, i think the only reason he was even considering it this past year was bc at that point in time, he had been with kat for 8 years, and enough ppl were telling him "hey, why aren't you two married yet?" and so i think he was literally just going thru the motions bc in his mind, getting married to her would be the right thing to do. bc otherwise…. you kinda look like an asshole for being with someone for this long, promising them marriage, but not fulfilling that promise in a timely fashion.

i think in the right circumstances he could have married kat, but she would have had to wait longer and that clearly just wasn't in the cards for them.

let's see, what else is there about sam lol

he's afraid of being alone. i think part of that is bc he doesn't know who he is as a person. he doesn't know what he wants, what he brings to the table, what stereotype he falls into, and bc he's unsure of who he is, he needs to rely on others to play off of. i think part of that is also being a middle child, but i don't know too much of that since i'm the baby of my entire family (like literally my entire last name ends with me as of right now). but he for sure has middle child syndrome. he wants to fit in so bad and be liked that he goes out of his way to do things that he doesn't even want in the end, and then ends up getting passive aggressive about it bc he doesn't know how to regulate his emotions. he relies on other ppl's words, other ppl's philosophies, to figure out who he is instead of just… listening to his own wants and needs and being upfront about them. and i think part of that issue stems from him being afraid to be seen as a "bad guy". bc hey, crazy concept here, sometimes the things we want are selfish and lack empathy towards others. that's just the reality we live in. and i think he does too much to try to circumnavigate that, but ends up just looking like a dick on accident.

he's also very much about self preservation and truly only respects like… himself, his dad, and colby. everyone else is second, if not last, to him in his mind. so that's why he doesn't take criticism well and just generally doesn't listen to anyone that isn't one of those three ppl lol

he's also a massive control freak with a bit of wet blanket personality. and i say that with all the love in the world…. as a massive control freak with a wet blanket personality myself.

there's probably other things i could say about him, but this is my general thoughts about him.

now… for colby. oh sweet baby colby sksksk

colby is the definition of a ppl pleaser. he wants to be loved and liked so badly by everyone, that he will literally turn himself into a floormat to do so. and i think part of that really comes from his lack of self esteem. idk who told him in his life that he was lesser than, or that he was weak and unworthy of love, but i would love to sucker punch that person. i think he has gotten better over the years, but i think there is a lot of shit deep down that he does not allow up. and a lot of this ppl pleaser energy can be seen with how he interacts with the fans. he does everything in his power to get back into our good graces when certain fans deem he isn't doing enough or did something wrong, even tho most times he hasn't.

like i said before, while colby likes to act like a mystery, he very much tells on himself without meaning to. idk if i've ever talked about this before, but i found old snapchats he made years ago, back when snc were doing the life project, and colby talked about "danger zones" and what these were were places/times when he would be left alone with his thoughts and would end up dwelling and spiraling into some negative things. he worded it in a slightly different way, but that's how he said it basically. and his whole thing to everyone else was figure out what your danger zones were and do your best to ignore those times/find ways get thru them quickly.

and the list for these was like… basically any time he was alone. and the solution to these things was just "try not to be alone". like one of them was when he was in shower, he apparently would start overthinking, and his solution was just to take faster showers.

now, respectfully, if you can't be alone with your own thoughts for as long as it takes you to take a shower……… i think something's wrong.

i'm not one to diagnose ppl. i'm no medical profession. there are just a lot of similarities to things he has said and things i once said before i got diagnosed with depression. i won't go into it, just bc again i don't want to lay that out there since it's none of our business anyway, i just truly hope i'm wrong.

more about colby… let's see….

also afraid to be alone/die alone. also afraid of getting older, but it doesn't seem as bad as sam's. i think part of that, weirdly, also comes from colby just being a more lighthearted person than sam sometimes. so i think colby will always be a bit more youthful even when he's older. a kid at heart, essentially.

colby's past relationship did him so wrong he is really holding himself back from finding happiness. i have a feeling that that relationship "proved" something to him in his mind and that's why he holds himself back from really putting himself out there again. and by prove, i mean, and you'll get this if you've ever felt terrible about yourself, you kinda have this idea in your head of who you are. for example, for years i always felt like i was ugly externally. i just wasn't attractive in my mind. and bc of that, i never tried to ask anyone out, bc i didn't want to be proven right. i didn't want someone to say "no i can't date you bc you're just not attractive to me". but i had that happen before the one or two times i tried, and all it did was validate my inner voice that kept telling me i was ugly. and i think in way, maybe something like that happened to colby. not that exact example, but something happened when that relationship ended that made him go like "i am right" to his deepest insecurities. that the shitty inner voice wasn't being mean, it was telling him the truth.

and i think part of that is that he fell for his ex really hard, came in a little too hot, and she just pulled back significantly. fell out of love for him. and i think that maybe that proved in his mind that he was too much, too unlovable. idk if this is true, but the way he only blames himself and never brings up any of her possible wrong doings (and mind you all of this happened to him when he was like 19 which would be the prime time to blame others lol) makes me think he feels he fucked up just by being himself too much.

and all of this has kinda lead him to do the whole "leave before you get left behind" thing with every past relationship since. it's why he hasn't tried to date seriously and only hooks up.

he has trust issues and abandonment issues, but weirdly has a terrible idea of who to trust. bc he continues to fall for those that love bomb him and say all the right shit, but then air out his dirty laundry (case in point being, shea).

there's probably a million other things i could say about each of the boys, but this is the general gist i have on them. again, none of this is confirmed. this is just my assumption so don't listen to me like i'm an expert. i'm just someone that observes shit and thinks i'm right most times lmao

#ask #personal

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cruella-devilla · 8 months

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Ah yes, bc wanting to focus on women’s issues and make it priority is definitely “cult behavior” and not simply the root of Femenism.

now, ok, sure, you can also argue how RadFems get aggressive and defensive when someone wants to bring up men rights but that’s because, uh hello, that’s not our focus. And yes, misandry is very common amount RadFems but there is a reason (though I will admit, when having an honest discussion it’s better to be tactical and not resort to anger so your opponent can just ignore your main point bc “you’re clearly just emotional about it” if we want to prove a point)

and, I did make a post about my disappointment towards the ms-revived-frog situation and how some RadFems (or just people, not necessarily all were RadFems) were approaching her posts with negativity and unnecessary aggression. Which, yeah, I didn’t say it’s cult behavior but it’s still a point that needs to be addressed.

Is my post I was talking about how trans people rope other being into being trans. RadFems aren’t really obsessed with roping other people into Feminism (as far as I’ve seen lol) they simply fight for their ideas and try to create solidarity with women (which, we need more posts about that tbh)

Yes, you can argue that the “women - good, men - bad” mindset can be cult-like. (So why not make your own post then? Lololol.) But the reason that sentiment even exists is because it’s addressing men as a class, not men as individuals. And it’s a result of misandry, not Femenism. Which, I already made a post about that:

which, again, can be criticized, sure, but there’s also a reason, because when violence gets committed it’s usually by men. So it’s simply a reminder for women to be more cautious and that reason is actually backed up by stats. (Quick reminder tho, just bc 90% of men committed violence doesn’t mean 90% of ALL men are violent, that’s not how stats work lol, but men do a lot of other things that also makes women wanna avoid for good reason, like sexist attitudes or saying disgusting things, you get the gist)

I mention many times that no group or idea is without fault or issues so, like, yeah, I can be critical of all and there can be cult behavior everywhere.

#rambles #feminism #radical feminism #shit talking #gender critical

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blondiest · 1 year

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I'll raise you a weird level and dare say, phantom Thread Hellcheer? Insane or genius?

okay before i even get into this, i should mention that i do have a hellcheer oneshot that is named after a line from that movie, though i will say it only shares, like, one theme with Phantom Thread (hunger/appetite as an analogy for love). it's called for the hungry girl, and the idea came to me very suddenly and very clearly when my husband served me a plate of absolutely perfect scrambled eggs while i was quite high. it's under 3k words, and of all the fics i have posted, i think it's the most personal.

alright, getting into the actual question here now— i LOVE your mind, love the boldness. i think there are a LOT of themes from that movie that work well for hellcheer, but there are a few reasons i can't personally imagine a full-on Phantom Thread AU working. i'm going to try and break down what i mean here by going through the different elements that i think connect quite well with hellcheer vs the ones i struggle to imagine meshing well with the ship. putting the rest under a cut bc spoilers (though i do keep it vague).

alright, so... warning that this may be disorganized and my thoughts are highly incomplete on the matter (there are many little themes and subtleties i can't spare the time to get into at the moment), but i'm gonna give it a stab. here goes, a little stream of consciousness:

when we first see Alma, she's alone, and we never really learn anything of her family other than the fact that she apparently looks similar to her mother. though we aren't given direct insight into what the deal with Alma's background is, i think this setup works well given Chrissy's fraught relationship with her family— i can easily imagine her having separated from them entirely and going off on her own.

Reynolds and Alma connect instantly and are immediately obsessed with each other — obviously this works for the hellcheer vibe. there's also the fact that their relationship is one of an artist and a muse, which i think transfers easily to a situation in which Eddie is a musician.

Reynolds' prevailing devotion to his late mother, his fondness for the idea that the dead watch over the living, his insistence that he's cursed in some way — all of these things work well for Eddie, imho. Same with Reynolds' absolute commitment / absorption in his work, though I struggle to see Eddie being quite that pathologically intense, even about music. I could see Chrissy needing to strongarm Eddie into taking a break (albeit... not in the same method as Alma bc i don't think it would ever get that far LMAO).

the major things i don't see working for hellcheer... the central issue is that i don't see Eddie ever being as combative / disrespectful towards Chrissy as Reynolds is towards Alma, nor as dismissive / neglectful. and this is where things really start to fall apart if you were trying to follow the plot of the movie, because i don't think that the distance between Eddie and Chrissy would ever get extreme enough for her to consider the drastic measures that Alma takes to get Reynolds to "slow down" & to force him to be vulnerable and reliant on her. i think it's just hard for me to see their relationship being that dysfunctional.

(to be clear i love Reynolds and Alma. i think they're actually very compatible by virtue of being extremely, extremely odd people who are able to, through absolutely deranged (and highly dubious, on Alma's part) means, find synergy and harmony with one another. the reason that it's one of my favorite movies is that i repeatedly thought it was about to pivot into a horror or thriller (and it does often have the same level of tension as a thriller, to me at least), but it is ultimately just a very weird love story, and i ended up finding it profoundly touching.)

here's a collection of quotes i like for them though:

there are totally more that i'm forgetting but i have a huge project & some homework to do so i am cutting myself off here. thank you for the ask!! this was really fun to think about.

#hellcheer #asks

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horrocious · 2 years

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MAn i just LOVE how you portray Reinhardt in your fics it drives me FUCKING INSANE

Its like, you show her flaws, her humanity, and its just so fucking raw its jus ARFFGGGHHHH

i think, unintentionally we more or less make rein a symbol bc thats what shes made herself in the story and to the characters, illumina's light, but jus showing her moments of weakness and emotion just gets me every fucking time. it reminds us shes human despite seeming p much omnipotent and it just punches me in the guts

i hjope i make sense bc im going insane and half akseep

oh man thank you so much this kind of comment brings me to life. allow me to postpone folding the laundry to ramble on incoherently about her. apologies if I get some facts wrong. unlike Victoria, I do forget things. anyway. (one more thing, sorry, there's spoilers under the cut for those of you who haven't progressed into the late chapters. OK I'll stop editing now)

she's complex and the way we relate to her is complex, given that she exists as both propaganda item and actual military commander (side note: I feel like it's worth mentioning that she gets represented to us as the be all end all of Illumina but revealed in the plot later to be beholden to other forces in the government, which makes me wonder how many people in Illumina even know who really runs their country.) and while it's kind of tempting to see this as the writers providing a "moral escape route" (i.e. well the bad things in Illumina aren't Reinhardt's fault, it's Eisen/The Committee/The Science Council!) for her I think it's more complicated.

she definitely has authority both in the military hierarchy and just by virtue of everyone's clear respect for both her as a person and what she represents. the upshot is that she's aware of e.g. the black umbrella laboratory and whatever Denier was up to* because, well, survival means making Hard Choices. wasn't her experience with Helios and Denier proof of that, after all? surviving the path to power at any cost meant exactly that. I think her objection to the human experiments in front of the Science Council is pretty telling! she knows it's wrong when she has to confront it! but because she herself was a "beneficiary" they more or less brush her off. this kind of thing is nothing new, but she's had time to see where that line of thinking really gets you. and it's not great.

that's a big deal, because her beliefs about Duty and Responsibility and Sacrifice led her here. and I think the psychological consequences of "I have given up everything, buried my friends, and committed myself to be the standard bearer for Atrocities, Inc.™️" are untenable. so she both has to be the ever-hopeful soldier leading to a triumphant future while knowing that the cause itself is extremely fraught. that manifests in her keeping up a facade both for everyone else and for herself. she needs her legend to be true. that's my read, anyway.

one more thing. you know who I think about in relation to her? the Varaki siblings. Charon has an important but not super high ranking job and thus can be as weird as he wants. he's the silly Gothic death rock train cappuccino theater man. I bet Reinhardt is insane with envy. she would love to be silly risotto exercise lady. but that's what she gave up for this. because survival means hard choices. my thoughts on how Reinhardt and Victoria serve as foils to each other will have to wait until another time because these underpants ain't gonna fold themselves. thanks for reading, and splendor Illumina.

*it isn't explicitly stated, no, but let's think. depending on how literally you take Forsakin when she calls Reinhardt "sister," they're either related or were extremely close. I'm not sure I buy that they would be that close without Reinhardt being aware of what Denier did for a day job. as an aside, I think she's speaking figuratively. one of the things that makes AS both interesting and infuriating is that kind of unexpanded detail.

#ask horrocious #alchemy stars #Reinhardt alchemy stars #this ties in to what i think the overall theme of alchemy stars is... as much as one exists #them's my sentiments for what they're worth

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taintedlxve · 24 days

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Wild that this was posted when I wasn't around to defend myself. Apologies to the person who sent me this I feel like they were trying to reassure me but all it did was make me mad lol.

Anyways, I'm mentally ill and reading this shit kind of fucked up my day and since I just can't let shit go without correcting the record I'm just gonna go over some things rq and go back to my hiatus. You don't gotta read, but I was called a liar repeatedly and I'm not gonna let that sit.

A lot of Awoo's post screams out to me as "i'm taking accountability but not really" and I just want to point out places where I feel she's being disengenuous and go back to my hiatus bc I had a good vibe going until now lmao.

I'm skipping the really long explanation about why she never followed me, frankly as I've said before my problems with her extend past that entirely and at this point I don't think it matters that much.

I'll just say this, we had a private conversation in which I made it expressly clear it was okay to come to me about something if she felt she had a problem the LAST time she blocked me for no reason (to be clear to this day I don't know what the hell I was supposed to be sorry for?) after I decided to just unfollow her from her breedingacademy sideblog bc she was replying to other folks' stuff and seemed to just ignore mine. She apologized for this and said she'd do better and I believed her. This, primarily, why I didn't reach out at first.

Further in the post she mentions the vent I wrote that was, in fact, 1000% about her. Ngl I forgot I even wrote it and was surprised by how recently it was. I dunno if I'm really sorry about what I said, it's how I felt at the time and just given the context of how I've allowed you to treat me I simply don't trust you like that anymore.

To be clear I had a LOT of dropped threads at the time or wasn't getting responses at all and that was actively fucking with me and making me wanna quit entirely, but Awoo's behavior stuck with me bc she was one of the few whose responses flooded my dash and I just wouldn't be included. Not saying she's lying but frankly frankly even if it was true Idk what to tell you cause that wasn't the reason she gave at the time.

You very much did say "it's nobody's fault" and "my brain works differently" since you're accusing me of malicously taking you out of context and/or misremembering, but unfortunately I can't access the reply in the image attached bc it's been removed. I'll link it here, maybe something's fucky with my tumblr, I thought it might have been from the blog she ended up deleting but nah it takes me back to her current so -shrug-.

To go into further explanation about what she said (bc obviously I wasn't going to commit a post to photgraphic memory in a vent post) it was something to the effect of "sorry, that's just not how my brain works. once you tell me you're tired of something my brain just labels it as 'avoid at all costs'. It's nobody's fault but…" etc. etc.

She mentions she's autistic, which, I know?? She's mentioned it several times over the last 10 years. Most of my friends are neurodivergent with needs unmet. I'm autistic and soon to be tested for ADHD with needs unmet. I understand that life and socialization is extremely difficult for neurodivergent people.

My partner literally has avpd but she understands that ignoring people bc they make her anxious hurts those people and she takes steps to do what she's able to to circumvent those obstacles bc she cares about those people. I'm really over this self-infantilization people leap to to avoid being criticized the negatives things done because of their neurodivergence. Reminds me of when Sara would beef with everyone on dash and say 'Oh it's my depression'.

And it's not like you were unable to communicate. When I said I was playing fem!Izuku is like the ONLY time I've ever had you reach out to me in my DMs unprompted

Sure, maybe I missed the point of your callout post, whatever, but the point of my message was literally all I've ever asked of you was like, to talk to me and you blocked me without communicating again. The diff is I'm just over being gaslit into being nice and feeling like it's my fault.

You trying to push the responsibility back onto me with a "Oh well she never asked if she had a problem with me" in spite of the fact that I went SO far out of my way to accommodate you to the point of giving you different Cyr icons bc you were squicked out by hair covering eyes just puts the nastiest fucking taste in my mouth and it makes me mad tbh.

I cannot stress how much I'm always the one people expect to make the first move and how sick of it I am, that's why I didn't come to you. I'm not a 'coward', I just was done bowing and scraping for people who didn't like me.

If you cared, you had my discord, and it wasn't like I blocked you first. You had ways of contacting me, and you didn't. So the rigamarole of you 'being worried for me' just doesn't pass my smell test, sorry.

Maybe it does make me hypocrite to smell bs when I see it but it definitely doesn't make me gullible.

The rest is just her demanding an apology from me (nah, you first bitch) but, and I wanna be explicitly clear, the feeling is very mutual, I want nothing to do with this chick.

I wanna be very clear that the end result of this was never to rebuild a friendship with Awoo bc again, once she blocked me I realized this wasn't even the bulk of my problem with her, it was the last straw.

I'm don't wanna be friends with someone who publically calls me me disengenuous and makes me feel so bad I end up apologizing.

Or, again, someone who blocks me when I just say "oh, this person doesn't seem to want to interact on this sideblog so I'll just unfollow"

Maybe you're not like that anymore, or your neurodivergence makes you that way, but I just don't want people like that in my life anymore, and I'm done letting people make me feel small for standing up for myself.

I'll cop to calling you a bad person and saying you hate me bc a lot of that was me being in my feelings and I'm not a mind reader, nor do I know you well enough outside of the internet to make these claims.

But as much as you've tried to victimize yourself I 1000% stand by what I said before, I hope you don't treat you muts as shitty as you treated me.

Thank you for confirming tho that you're not sorry I think helps to know

#untainted thoughts(ooc)#long post #negative tw #drama tw

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welcometomybraincomics · 2 months

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thhndgetyrveyhbrugret I need to express how hard Michael and Winter commit to the bit

They keep up the imitation of each other even when they're literally across the region from each other fhhfjhfcrdghtj Michael keeps up his makeup routine and of all the human disguises that she could possibly use, Winter sticks with the one that makes her look like Michael's twin (fraternal)

eurefrh Ok, I need set out the bits they're commiting to:

We're twins and you can't prove otherwise

Which one of us is the Zorua/Zoruark/Which one of us is the human?

nsthsrth There's a lot going on for 2, so I'm going to start at 1

1: More commitment to the theming of twins, as an in sync, possibly interchangeable, and very tight knit duo, rather than actually fooling anyone that they are twins because they do actually refer to the parents differently. Michael's parents get called Mom and Dad/ Mrs Mom and Mr Dad and Winter's parents get referred to as Mama and Papa / Mrs Mamma and Mr Papa. For politeness reasons! Their families do eventually sort of just mesh together, so by the time that they start their pokemon journey, they do drop the formalities, making life confusing for anybody who does not personally know them XD

They do stuff like coordinate outfits and make sure all their stuff matches because they think it's really funny when people mistake them as siblings because it's technically incorrect. Oh, they absolutely consider themselves siblings, but everybody else who thinks so is also completely incorrect because they're not related by blood and they're not the same species at all, so when it is assumed that they are related to each other, they both just crack up.

After learning about the subway bosses, they start syncing/ mirroring each other's movements and making cool poses for themselves

And now for 2! Hehehehehe

srthsfer So I've already mentioned that Michael dresses up to look like a Zoroark and he's got red eyeshadow so that he looks more Zoruaish, but also when Winter evolves, he uses her shed to make himself a scarf that looks like the shoulder fuzz that's on a Zoroark.

They both spend a decent amount of time trying to figure out how they can illusion themselves into other things , be that objects or pokemon through both practical effects and winters illusion ability.

Michel has an entire arsenal of pokemon costumes that range from pretty shitty (his very first) to surprisingly convincing (the newer stuff) that he has practiced changing in and out of to the point that he can throw down a little smoke bomb and have completely changed his appearance by the time the smoke clears out. He also learned how to quickly change his appearance to look like a different human!

Winter has also dedicated a lot of time to looking like other Pokémon and humans bc she is actually complete shit at anything that's not physical, so many of her own illusions are part illusion ability, part practical effects! Additionally, Winter also does a little smoke bomb effect when she changes her illusion, partially to match Michael and partially because that makes completely changing her form easier by giving her more time to pull everything together

They've gotten really good at imitating each other and even as little kids when their illusions of each other were shit they pretended to be each other's species constantly.

There is also the fact that while Winter learned how to speak English, Michael learned how to speak like a Zorua XD

Winter learned how to speak human phonetically, as in it's not illusion at all, she is actually speaking human words with her mouth, and Michael learned how to speak pokemon. They sort of taught each other how to speak each other's languages when Winter started to seriously try doing human illusions and they started spending more of their days together. As a result, Michael is best at vocalizing and understanding complex ideas in Zorua and Zoroark with the Venipede line as a close second and the Lilipup line as a third

#OC #Pokemon OC #winter the Battle Maniac #Michael the battle maniac #pokemon #zoroark #Zorua #I'm just going to.... Spell Michel's name Like Michael so Auto correct will stop hounding my ass

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mikeellee · 2 years

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I posted 6,162 times in 2022

That's 2,396 more posts than 2021!

88 posts created (1%)

6,074 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@itsnothingofinterest

@professionalranter31

@fleshisprison

@writing-prompt-s

@anti-bakugou-memes

I tagged 84 of my posts in 2022

#hori is a bad writer - 37 posts

#shigadeku - 24 posts

#tomudeku - 20 posts

#the way a lot of the fandom treats izuku just bothers me - 19 posts

#anti horikoshi - 18 posts

#shigaraki x deku - 17 posts

#shigaraki tomura - 10 posts

#anti bakugou - 10 posts

#izuku midoriya - 10 posts

#tomura shigaraki - 9 posts

Longest Tag: 84 characters

#he cant make shiggy so white and black mentality and then boom time for izu save him

My Top Posts in 2022:

So I don’t usually talk about the king aka Shigaraki in my rants...so I want to reticify that.

Before I move on...just to be clear. I do love Shiggy. This is not me being a hater and if you have a different opinion about Shiggy...ok. That’s valid.

My main grip about Shiggy... is how he has no real end goal. I know people here on tumblr have analyses, essays and whatnot about how Shiggy must be the Messiah that will get rid of bad heroes or capitalism or anything like that.

I like this idea. I would read a fic like that.

The problem is when people really think in Hori’s canon...Shiggy is indeed a messiah who will set all the fair people free from the unjust system.

Like, dont we all live in a shit society? I can’t speak for all but in my country we rather revult about Superman’s son kissing a man than...a genocide president who mock the victims of covid.

And yeah in moments like this....is nice going to escapism. People facing na evil ruler/regime and bringing real changes for the kingdom and everyone is happy.

I get it. I like those stories.

But on Shiggy’s part. On Hori’s canon part...we dont know what HE wants.

Duh he wants destruction. One may say.

Ok...he wants to destroy the heroes....ok then I ask

Does he want a literal destruction? Are we rooting for a villain who wants to commit genocide?

(In the war arc he did many bad thinga and yes we can say “AFO controlled him” sure but he still had some control over his action to a certain point and he shows no remorse)

Does he wants a metaphorical destruction?

Does he plans in making something anew?

What Shiggy wants? ( aside a fine 🥦)

We dont know...we will never know as AFO is treating Shiggy as his flesh puppet for reasons unknown for us.

I know there are many posts saying “shiggy will end the corruption” and I have to say...NO HE WONT. Not on Hori’s canon.

Shiggy’s motivation/goals arent totally his. His father hated heroes. AFO increased that to 11.

Shiggy is not speaking about the flaws of the hero society to everyone but more about how the society failed him. How no one saved him.

(He wanted to be saved by Zuzu but...headed by Hori...look if Hori had made them inferact and had a relationship that would have been amazing but, again, headed by Hori 🙄)

Shiggy speaks about his pain and trauma and I notice how the victims in the story need to be shut and accept their abuser ( case point, look at how hori treats Izu)

Shiggy is vilanize and abused by the narrative for daring to want revenge on his pain.

And again, headed by hori, its a bit hard to forgetten Shiggy’s action and LoV’s (Says the person who likes the idea of them winning with Zuzu)

This make me think of MCU Loki...and how he killed many people in the first avanger’s movie.

Sure. He killed of screen and all are faceless and nameless but here the thing...if we are to accept Loki was brainwashed by Thanos...even so, he indirectly killed those people....does he feel remorse?

Bc LoV and Shiggy show no remorse. Asad backstory is not free card for a character to do whatever.

Also for the togaocha out there....in hori’s canon THIS IS HORSE SHIT. Look ship what you want, I BET YOU CAN BE BETTER THAN HORI HERE.

But Toga trying to kill Ochako, mentioned how she used her quirk to kill and then is surprised that Ochako is grossed out by her....IS NOT TRACING A ANTAGONIST RELATIONSHIP

That is Hori being stupid.

See the full post

45 notes - Posted January 4, 2022

I make this post in the hopes some people watch, read and stay mad. It's 2022 and if you still write any Izu shipping fic- regardless with who- where bk is important for Zuzu or the shipping.

You are shipping wrong! And I say this 100% right and certain of this.

Not saying WHO yoi should ship, but when you ship someone- any ship of any fandom- the general consensus is for 2 characters to be together and happy.

And I know some may say "I ship two villains. They do fucked up shit" ok. Then they are fucked up but in love.

And now you wonder "what's matter? If we ship character A abusing gaslight character B, its not as if we are condoning such acts"

TRUE! I can't stress this enough. Liking dark content is not a sin or illegal, but it's sus how the MHA fandom takes Izuku Midoriya and puts him in awful and abusive situations in the name of "love"

A certian server in the discord seems to make Izu the eternal victim, the one who needs to sacrifice everything to be with his lover...who wont sacrifice anything.

And think back how the number of abusive relationships show in the media are awful...See, any "romance" mainstreaming.

And I mention this bc...why is so hard to make healthy relationships?

I ship shigadeku...and the ship can be healthy even if Zuzu falls to the dark side.

You can ship Izuocha and not make Ochako laugh when BK mistreat Izu.

You can ship Izux anyone. And not make him "cant function without my love interest"

You can make healthy and interesting. Also, the whole myth "fucked up relationships are more interesting to read" is not true.

I wouldn't read any Joker X Harley comic...

But I would love to read a Poison Ivy x Harly comic.

52 notes - Posted July 6, 2022

You know, thanks to a discussion with @professionalranter31 I realize something....Shiggy may be the only person, in canon, who really react positively (more or less) to Izu being quirkless.

Like Inko criies her heart out and apologise to him (never will like that nor the scene)

AM dont talk about his past. Yes, he said Izu cant be a hero but it wasnt bc of he is evil...it was to soare him (but I do think he was wrong as not every hero faces a villain like AFO. Also, if AFO didn't exist or was dead would AM agree Izu can be a hero?)

And....

BK, please. You guys know what he thinks. His "iconic" line of suicide baiting tells you everything.

Just it.

Shiggy?

"Ah he is quirkless? Ok whatever" and he is the villain. He couls have said smth equally or worse than what BK said. Could have said smth qorse to Izu's face "quirkless good is a dead one" and yet... he never says this.

The villain is more chill about it than....everyone else.

And the love interest, Ochako, knows shit about Izu...Like wow.

65 notes - Posted October 8, 2022

I never did a rant about a ship before bc I always thought someone else could do a better job defending it but, considering how this fandom is...maybe I should give my 2 cents for shigadeku

Note: please. I’m note here to cause any ship war. You ship what you want. If you dont like shigadeku then that’s fine.

That’s out of the way, lets talk about this ship. Now, Hori is a bad writer but even in his bad canon...shigadeku does have interesting and “strong” foundations.

I put “” here bc any ship headed by Hori will be bad written. I know this.

Both are different sides of the same coin. Both are outcasts, both have quirks that caused them pain.

And both are alone.

Now, what we know about shiggy is that he is being manipulated by AFO since a young age.

* I want to mention here how...in the hands of a better writer, the name deku could mean smth omen and AFO could call shiggy deku either in front of him or to his back to add more paralels and development for the 2 like, Izu stood up and says/make bk stop calling him deku is great but imagine him defending shiggy?*

oK think with me. In any sci fi/fantasy movie when a character is being mind controlled or groomed...what would stop him to finished the task is seeing the hero/loved one bc would be the begin for the character to.set free.

“I was supposed to kill this person but I dont want ....for now” and develop from there.

Now, when we meet Shiggy is into the hate AFO spill. He has 0 reasons for wanting AM dead.

“Ahhh but AM represent how this society is bad”

Great answer and idea for a fic. But in canon he never gives a real answer. “I hate AM” is his get go....no further explanation.

But how funny he saw Zuzu and staet wanting to talk to him. No one put this idea in his head.

No AFO.

No Kotaro.

Its all Shiggy.

He, still under AFO’s bullshite, went to see Zuzu. And yes we get the mall scene but what many fans oddly refuse to admit is how...he went to Zuzu on his own free will.

THAT IS HUGE. Especially considering SHIGGY IS GROOMED (that is not fanfic that is canon and I do hate hori’a canon)

He has a photo of Izu...who by the time was just a student.

Like this has a HUGE potential. And I dont get why people refuse to reconize that?

If this stoey was headed by a competent writer shigadeku would be a more prevalent relationship.

They arent mortal enemies...they are two hurt boys stuck in this stupid war and decide to stop the feud.

God this line above is more romantic.

For those wondering...I did watch boku already liking IzuOcha but...Hori sideline Ochako and her feelings so much.

“Ah and the cute moments? Izuocha will be canon, not shigadeku”

I Know. And I have no problems with this ship- if we compare with naruto’s canon ship- but it doesnt change how underveloped it is. Also, Izu could have cute moments with Mina too and no one will say they are endgame.

Not sure if my point is clear. All I’m saying is that Shigadeku has such romantic potential and you dont need to turn Izu into “soft cinnamon roll” or change Shiggy into “playboy” to make it work.

“Ah gross. Shiggy is older than Zuzu”

3 or 4 years isnt a big deal. I mean, Shiggy was a 17 years old when the story begins and that didnt stop anyone to ship shiggy witb dabi or eraserhead who are older than him.

See the full post

78 notes - Posted January 5, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

You know, I think we all own an apology to Kishomoto. Why? His ending wasn't bad written...it fits perfectly with the narrative presented.

Naruto was never about the underdog nor a chosen one who will break the cycle of abuse

No.

Naruto was a story about a fascist and imperalist goverment who will gladly and gleefully stomp overr your body unless you have some utility for them.

The will of fire is not a cutesy thing. It's a propaganda...and it was never challanged.

Sending kids to war.

Breaking yourself for your nation.

Naruto, the mc, never wanted to change anything...he wants the prestige. He wants to be hokage so he can get attention.

Sakura and Naruto both are toxic in regards Sasuke. The victim of genocide - who is paint as a bad person for not wanting to go back to konoha- is in the wrong and needs to be taught a lesson.

Sasuke is not allowed to disagree with a goverment who said ok to genocide of his clan.

Sakura is so yandere for Sasuke...and that checks. You can say is sexism but not is out of character. She dump her friend- mind you in this case Sakura was 10 years old- bc she feared her friend could get the attention of Sasuke.

Naruto was never one to change anything bc all he wanted was to be at the top. Not change anything.

Naruto wasn't a tale of hope. But of dispair.

148 notes - Posted January 19, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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extravaguk · 4 years

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sex education 2.0

pairing: college!au, jungkook x reader

summary: "Are you calling me boring?" Jungkook gasps dramatically, looking at you dumbfounded and visibly offended. You roll your eyes, taking a napkin and leaning forward to wipe the crumbs of garlic bread on his lips.

"First of all, don't talk with your mouth full, you pig. Second of all," you stop to take a sip of your coke, aware of Jungkook's expectant eyes on you. "A little, yeah."

wordcount: 9k

genre: smut - angst(? not rlly - fluff, like tons bc im a slut for fluff

rated: m (duh!2.0)

warnings: alcohol and weed consumption, just jk and tae being bros having bro convos, switch!reader, switch!jk, but mostly dom!jk, dirty talk, glimpses of poorly written bdsm, reader being a jealous and ‘insecure little bitch’ (her words, not mine),slapping (dont worry i tried to make it funny), how i met your mother spoilers (sorry im a gemini i spoil shit), spanking, degradation kink, back at it again with the spit kink, slight anal play, beware!of jungkook being a sweetheart, a lil mean at the end but a sweetheart nontheless.

read sex education here!

Three months of being in an actual commitment with Jeon Jungkook, your brother's partner in crime since the young age of five and, therefore, a common denominator throughout your childhood and teenage years, has proven to you a few things you never knew you would discover about the boy himself: Jeon Jungkook is definitely not what you thought him to be.

You thought growing up with him would've been enough telltale about everything that made Jungkook be, well, Jungkook. He wasn't as immature as you had believed prior to the beginning of your relationship, he was funnier than you remembered -although maybe you found him funnier now that Taehyung wasn't in the picture to interfere with infantile inside jokes that you never were able to grasp-, and smarter than he had ever let you known before. Although you're sure the main reason his grades had started to improve was solely you and the way you rewarded him by opening your legs everytime he passed an exam.

But above all, if there was something that had truly surprised you about Jeon Jungkook was the fact that he was truly an absolutely and undeniably softie.

You loved it. Loved the random scribbled love notes he sometimes left in your backpack before kissing you goodbye to leave for his own class, loved the Spotify playlists he made exclusively just for you -with genres that varied between sappy and romantic and wanting to tear your 'wet ass pussy' in two-, loved the late night texts filled with emojis telling you how much he missed you when both of you were too busy doing assignments and studying to see each other -even if it hadn't even been 48 hours since you last saw each other-. You loved how careful and sweet and thoughtful he was. You really did.

But.

"Are you calling me boring?" Jungkook gasps dramatically, looking at you dumbfounded and visibly offended. You roll your eyes, taking a napkin and leaning forward to wipe the crumbs of garlic bread on his lips.

"First of all, don't talk with your mouth full, you pig. Second of all," you stop to take a sip of your coke, aware of Jungkook's expectant eyes on you. "A little, yeah." His mouth falls open and you supress a laugh. You really shouldn't be enjoying this so much, but there's something about Jungkook's reaction to his ego being bruised and that terribly adorable pout on his face that just makes your insides tingle with joy.

"What do you mean? I've had plenty of girls in bed before you, like a whole lot, and none of them have ever called me boring! They loved this adventurous and fun dick, alright? Why do you think-" you raise a brow, scrutinizingly. It still amazes you how with just a simple expression and no words needed, you can make all color from Jungkook's face banish and how quick he is to reach for your hand across his bed. "But I only love youuuu, and you're the best thing that has ever happened to me and my dick like, baby, have I mentioned how head over heels I'm for you?"

"Only like five times today." rolling your eyes again, you pull your hand from his to toy with the peperoni piece on your slice of pizza. Jungkook swallows the lump in his throat, he was starting to get truly concerned now. You couldn't possibly...?

"Are you not satisfied? I mean, do I not make you feel good or...?" there's clear worry in his voice and that makes you meet his eyes, shaking your head hurriedly. Now it's you who take his hand in yours.

"No! No, babe. I love sex with you! I love everything you do to me, I love how you treat me, I love how you make me feel. I'm a hundred percent satisfied, I swear, It's just..." you sigh, dropping your gaze to rub slow and reassuring circles to the ink adorning his skin. "All I'm saying is... I may also want to experience what all those girls have experienced with you, y'know... the not so vanilla stuff. But you always seem to be scared to try new things with me, and I don't know if it's because of m-"

"Baby," Jungkooks soft voice calls out to you, removing the pizza box in between the two of you to slide closer to you on the mattress. He craddles your face with his fingers, tilting your chin up to make eye contact with you. "_____, don't say that. I just don't ever want to cross any boundaries. I don't want to hurt you or do anything you might not like or regret later, you know that, right?" placing a small kiss on your lips, you hum in content nodding your head yes.

"I know that." you pull him for another brief kiss, oddly not caring about the faint taste of garlic and spice on them because that's what love will do to you. "But what if I do want you to hurt me? What if I want you to fuck my mouth with no mercy until I cry and slap my face after you've cum all over it while you call me a slut?" you pause, eyes meeting his through your eyelashes. "Or viceversa."

It's not that Jungkook is afraid. Because Jungkook is afraid of nothing in this world. He will murder any spider in his way, he will throw a punch to anyone who denies mint chocolate ice cream as the superior ice cream flavour -and he knows that means he will have to literally fight like the entire population on planet earth-, and he will Rey Mysterio you if you ever discredit or deny his incredible skills playing Overwatch.

Jeon Jungkook prides himself in being fearless in every aspect of his life. Except when it comes to you.

So yeah, maybe he was a little afraid. Because hearing you use the words 'choke', 'slap' and 'slut' in the same sentence did things to him that he didn't deem possible considering none of you were newbies anymore to intimicy. You have been together for three months, for God's sake, but you still made his cock twitch like the first day and he's sure in twenty years you'll have the exact same effect on him.

He didn't want his most primal instincts to overpower the respect and love he'd harboured for you since you were kids because at the end of the day, one, you were still his best friend's little sister, two, he appreciated you too much to ever cross any lines, and three, as cliché as it sounded, you were nothing compared to the girls he had been with previously. What he feels towards you cannot be compared to anything he had experienced before.

And fuck, was he in a predicament. Because you made him weak in his knees for you and you were not even aware of it. You were not aware of how badly he has wanted to explore and take things way further, way out of both his and your comfort zones. But he's terrified. He's terrified because all he wants is to to take care of you and what if he fails at the one thing he's swore to himself? What if he lets the darkest side of him consume him and at the same time consume you? What if he does actually hurt you, not just psichologically but also physically?

He would never be able to forgive himself. And neither could Taehyung.

And that, was also tormenting him.

Taehyung seemed fine with the two of you dating -or at least that blow to Jungkook's face seemed to ease things between them-, but Jungkook is not dumb and has felt his best friend slowly distancing himself.

Sure, they were still best friends and will ever will. Taehyung is loyal to Jungkook and Jungkook is loyal to Taehyung. Has been that way since they were five and that will not change just because Jungkook's caught feelings for his little sister.

But the phonecalls were not as often and not as long as they used to be; in rare occasions Jungkook could sense a certain type of awkwardness between them that really had never happened in their friendship, and sometimes Taehyung's jokes seemed to hold more truth than lightheartedness.

And to top it all off, Jungkook's dilemma regarding you was eating him alive and, usually he would turn to Taehyung for girl advice, only to later realize he was also frightened of doing that.

But a Friday night at 2 a.m, Jungkook decides he can't take it anymore.

"Sup, man." Taehyung's voice answers Jungkook's phone call on the second ring, like he always does.

"Hey, bro." Jungkook clears his voice, suddenly feeling self conscious. "Are you busy?"

"I don't know," his friend seems to be chewing on what Jungkook bets is red Skittles -yes, only the red ones- because he just knows him too well. "Are you busy still fucking my little sister?"

Taehyung chuckles at his own joke, but Jungkook doesn't. He knows there's no malice, but he can't help to think there might be. He settles for a sigh. "Yeah." he can hear some shuffling on the other side and the clicking of a computer mouse. Jungkook would also bet he was playing Among Us and he would lie if he said he wasn’t disappointed he hadn't called him to play with him. "Y'know what, it's not even important, I'll just call y-"

"Come on, man. You haven't even laughed at that and you usually laugh at everything I say even when no one else does." Taehyung swirls in his chair, his attention fully focused on his best friend. "Seriously, what's bothering you." Jungkook takes a deep breath, rubbing the side of his face.

"It's about _____."

"_____? As in, my little sister? Who you're fucking?"

"Tae, dude-"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. Go on." Taehyung stiffles a laugh and waits patiently for Jungkook to continue.

"She um... Fuck, I hope this isn't weird, dude. I really do. She wants to like... rough it up in the bedroom, I guess? And I just... I don’t know... I'm terrified dude." There's silence filling the gap between Taehyung and Jungkook and Jungkook almost feels like throwing up.

"You're coming to me for sex advice... about my little sister?"

"I know, dude but... Who else I'm supossed to talk to? Jimin? Hoseok?" Jungkook sits up on his bed, an ugly knot beginning to form in his stomach. "I mean, you're my best friend," Jungkook swallows again, voice cracking. "...right?"

It's Taehyung's turn to sigh after a few seconds before he replies. "Forever and always, bro." His tone settles Jungkook's uneasiness. There's nothing but honesty in it. "Listen, Guk. I really don't know what kind of advice to give you because, literally, ew. But I do know my sister, and if that's what she wants and she's communicated with you about it, it’s because she trusts you. And I trust you more than anyone in my life. So there you go, man."

Relief washes all over Jungkook's body and he lays back on the bed again, heart not beating as hard as it was a few seconds ago.

"Thanks, dude." Jungkook smiles. "Sorry for calling you so late."

"No problem, bro." Taehyung smiles as well, swirling his chair back to his computer screen. A weight of his own being lifted. "Among Us next time?"

"Yeah, I'll let you know. Good night, bro."

Taehyung calls Jungkook's name before he can hang up. "Hey, man?"

"Yeah, man?"

There's a pause between them and then Taehyung speaks. "I love you, man."

Jungkook supresses the threat of tears about to spill because he knows Taehyung would try to bruise his other other eyebrow if he ever found out. Or hug him to death. Or both.

"I love you too, bro."

"This reminds me of the first time you gave me a blowjob." Jungkook chuckles, watching you get down on your knees between his spread thighs, make up free and sporting a similar low messy bun as that time he's mentioning, except this time you're wearing one of his hoodies engulfing your smaller frame. Proof that this time around, you're exclusively his and no one else’s.

"You mean the blowjob of your life." you giggle as you reach out to pull down his sweatpants, deligthed to see he decided on not wearing any underwear. Your spit on the back of your hand and immediately wrap it around the base of his rock hard cock while his own darts out to push the strands falling down your face behind your ear, heart eyes emoji looking down at you looking up at him.

Your tongue swirls around the tip timidly, swallowing the drop of precum oozing as he sighs heavily and lovingly. "Every blowjob you give me is the blowjob of my life." he unties your hair from the band holding it together because he prefers his fingers to be the hair tie, prefers to be the one to guide the bobbing of your head up and down his dick.

You hum in appreciation against him, cherry balmed lips wrapping fully around the head of his cock and he hums back. "Love seeing you on your knees for me with your pretty mouth stuffed, fuck." You take him deeper, closing your eyes.

Your hand moving accordingly to your mouth and your panties already wet, clinging to your folds. It's really not your fault Jungkook is the most delicious eye candy on earth and how fast can the mere sight of him make your pussy lips quiver. You slurp around the head obscenely , a moan of yours mixing with a moan of his. "Hands on your back."

You obligue, removing your hands and growing excited at the dominating low tone his voice exerts. The grip he has on your hair tightens and controls your motions, pushing you further down his dripping shaft until your nose hits his pubic bone. He holds you there, his own eyes closing shut and his dick twitching insde your mouth. A thrust of his hips make you gag and has one of your hands flying to tap his leg two times, letting him know you were in need for air.

He releases you, pulling you back until his cock is pulsating in front of you. He looks down at you, both breathless but the difference is you look so messy. Eyes watery, chest moving heavily and saliva leaking from your lips.

Yeah, there was a reason Jungkook hasn't been like this with you before. The sight of you submitting completely and looking so nasty was too much for him to handle. He might never want to see you any other way than this.

"Isn't this what you wanted, huh?" the free hand that had been supporting his weight on the matress grasps your face harshly, making you lock eyes with him.

"I thought you wanted me to choke you with my cock like a little whore?" you nod your head eagerly, unable to form words. Your pussy throbs, prompting you to rub your thighs to get some sort of relief as his thumb smears the spit adorning your lips. You're quick to envelop it in the warmth of your mouth, an involuntary moan leaving your throat. "Such a pretty slut," he lets his cock slap against your cheek, removing his thumb to move his hand back to his previous position. "Open again."

You do, his length entering your mouth again -that you gladly accept- and then he's shoving you down by your hair. "Shit, gonna fuck your mouth so good..."

And he does, not holding back anymore, his hand thrusting your head along his shaft until your throat tightens around him repeteadly, struggling for breath. But you take it, you take the aggresiveness and the degradation because fuck, you've been waiting for so long to know what this feels like. To have Jungkook be mean and have this type of control and power over you and you're enjoying it a bit too much.

"F-fuck, I'm gonna cum, leave your mouth open." he releases on your tongue, not able to look away from the image of you with tears falling down your eyes and mouth drenched with him and your spit, some of his cum staining down your chin and the corners of your lips that he gathers with his thumb and pushes back into your mouth. He groans, watching you swallow all of it like a good girl, your tongue grazing around his digit for the remainings, gaze not leaving his. "Let me grab my phone real quick, I need to take a picture of this."

You were definitely not the jealous type.

You prided yourself on being able to recognize when your behaviours were due to your own insecurities and removing all sorts of feelings of uncertainty from your mind. You never liked toxic patterns or the glamorization of them and your relationship with Jungkook was proof. You knew relationships were supossed to be based on blind trust and faith in your partner and yours definitely reciprocated in the same way.

"So can anybody tell me why Eunha is basically all over my boyfriend right now?" you wish you could blame your state on Hoseok's weed, who's sitting on the left side of the couch right next to you at the frat party. You really wish you could have an explanation for the way your heart tugged in such a weird way and your stomach swirled dangerously until almost making you nauseous. You really tried to blame your overthinking on the joint you had just passed to your friend.

You knew it was bound to happen someday, especially considering Jungkook had always been a ladies' man and the kind of attraction from both men and women he was able to manifest, willing or unwillingly. You just never thought it would happen so soon and in such way that made you clench your fists so tight and your nails dig into the palm of your hands so painfully.

"I mean, they did have like a long fling a few years ago, didn't they?" Seulgi, sitting on your right, chimes in.

That was true. Longer than most flings Jungkook ever had before you.

"Yeah, before she dumped him." Hoseok adds.

Your eye twitches and your jaw contracts. Because that, was also true, and it was mostly what was bothering you so much.

Had it been Jungkook the one to move away from his situationship with Eunha like with most girls, you wouldn't have such a problem with the way she's shamelessly leaning towards him from across the room. Or the way she's twirling a strand of her hair between one of her fingers while battling her lashes. Or the way she's hysterically laughing at whatever he was saying, because your boyfriend was funny, but he was not that funny.

You were not the jealous type, and Jungkook definitely wasn't giving you any reason to be, because as coquettish as the blonde was being or as provocatively as she was pushing her tits into his arm, he politely keeps his distance and tries to also engage with Jimin in conversation, leaving her pouting. But that wasn't enough to not make you start seriously questioning your feminist ethics right now.

"Wait, you're not jealous, are you?" Seulgi turns to you, offering you the joint -how long had you been focusing your attention on Jungkook and Eunha to not realize it was your turn again to smoke?-. You take it, hesitating between answering right away or taking a hit before doing that. You were never a good liar. You look between your two friends who are looking back at you with their eyebrows raised.

"I-" you close your mouth and run your fingers through your hair. "Maybe? I don't know what I'm feeling and I don't like it one bit."

"Aw, babe." Seulgi squeezes your knee, eyes showing you sympathy. "Jealousy is a natural response to any relationship."

"I know..." you take the joint in your hand, taking a long drag before letting the smoke out. "I just don't want to sound like an insecure little bitch!" you whine. "I don't want to be like 'Oh, why would Jeon Jungkook, a God of the Olympus, dare give his attention to a peasant as unworthy as me!?' Like no, he's just a man. A little less mediocre than most but a man nontheless. I'm not going to doubt myself or other women just because he's more beautiful than most, and hotter, and funnier and has a massive co-" you notice you're getting carried away by the look of disgust in Hoseok's face and Seulgi trying to hold back a laugh.

"Anyways, he's lucky to have me. We're both lucky to have each other but sometimes I feel like I might be the luckiest out of the two. And seeing Eunha looking so pretty and throwing herself at him is triggering me because..." you pause to take a deep breath and lounch back on the couch. "What if he realizes one day that I'm luckier than he is and he could be luckier with someone else?"

There's, ironically, a long silence. Ironically because the sound of Travis Scott making the walls tremble is anything but, until Hoseok speaks.

"I think you feel that way because you still haven't seen how that boy looks at you, _____." and then he motions to the spot from across the room you had been observing for too long, the spot where Jungkook is now glancing at you after noticing your detectable distress, with a frown on his features.

'You okay?' he mouthes, his fist raising in the air in a thumbs up, questioningly.

Your heart jerks, and not out of bitterness or envy caused by a girl trying to get your boyfriend's attention. Because his attention is always entirely on you, no matter how many feet are separating the two of you.

'Yes' you mouth back, with a nod of your head and an encouraging smile that has formed itself on your face. He beams as well at you. Mouthes an 'I love you' and puckers his lips in a flying kiss that makes you giggle. You mimic him, your heart tight against your chest.

Hoseok is right. You have nothing to worry about.

Jungkook is in love with you. Sometimes, he thinks, he's too in love with you.

"Can't believe I'm letting you do this."

"Can't believe you're such a pussy."

Jungkook huffs in annoyance. He would smack your ass right now if his hands weren't restricted by a scarf of yours he had never seen before to your bedpost. He would also send you a mean look if his eyes weren't covered by the only tie he owned and had so generously lent to you.

When you mentioned you wanted to try this, he expected you to be in this position. Not the other way around.

He's sprawled on your bed, only his boxers covering him as your legs straddle his waist and you tighten the hold of the scarf around his wrists sternly. He winces and manages an 'Hey!' He knows you're only wearing your panties because he can't feel anything else and he's felt one of your naked tits brushing his face as you tied him up. He also tried to catch one of your nipples in his mouth as a form of punishment, to no use because you swiftly backed away from his attempt.

"I've never been a bottom before, this is new for me." he says. He really doesn't mind any of this. He's just not used to it. He knows he'd be lying if he said it didn't turn him on a little bit, even if he'd rather be the one to have you completely unmoving and naked beneath him. Especially now that you're skimming your nails up and down his torso.

"Mm, good to know." your lips follow the path your fingers created, from the center of his chest up, moving steadily and tracing soft kisses over his flesh.

"Don't worry. I'll be gentle." you croon, dragging your tongue from the pulse of his neck to his earlobe, nails scraping lightly over his left nipple. Jungkook shudders, air sucked in through his teeth as his mouth opens on its own. Taking advantage of this, you place a kiss on the corner of his lips before slipping your tongue inside.

He answers simultaniously, his own tangling with yours, swallowing each other's moans. Your hips set a slow peace, clothed cad core griding over the length poking between your thighs. His hips move unvoluntarily, trying to find some sort of friction to make up for the fact that his hands are unavailable to knead your ass and pull you closer, if that was even possible.

You separate from him, raising on your knees. Jungkook whines in protest, hips buckling up from the mattress to try to meet yours again.

"Jungkook, I'm serious, stay still!"

"I take it back." his voice shaky and hands straining against the tight hold the scarf you tied around has on them. "I don't like this. Untie me so I can fuck you, babe." he complains. You sit on his tiny waist, your thighs trying to stop his movements.

You take a moment to assess him. He looks too beautiful for his own good: hair courtaning his forehead, biceps bulging and abs flexing. You can't see his eyes but you know they might be glassy. You bite your lip to supress a whine of delight. You almost consider doing as he says. Almost.

But you mantain your ground. Your jealousy from the other night had been crawling slowly from within these past few days and since you couldn't take it out on Jungkook any other way because he really wasn't to blame, you figured you'd try something new to punish him and let some of your supressed anger vanish.

Twisting your body back to pull down his boxers, not all the way, just enough to have his cock springing free from the confines of the fabric and slapping against your asscheeks.

"Has toxic masculinity seriously polluted your brain so much you can't take this seriously?" you fall forward, one of your hands balancing you beside his head as the other wraps around his neck, a tentative hold not yet to constrict his breathing.

He gulps, his body's tense and his Adam's apple is prominent under your touch. All he can see is black but he'd do anything to watch your pretty tits bouncing in front of his face. "I don't like this conversation either." he pouts.

"Then why are you so hard?" you grin, holding yourself back from laughing as he hesitates for an answer. You lean closer, mouth against his ear as you whisper. "I'm so wet right now, I could take you just like this. No lubrication at all and my pussy would just swallow your dick." Feeling his girth still between your ass flutter, clearly affected by the sultry tone of your voice. You remove your hand from his neck seeing as he has stopped moving obediently. Reaching back, you slide your panties to the side and align your entrance to the head of his leaking cock.

"Fuck, baby, please~" Jungkook's pleads fills the air, hips desperately back in motion and sliding just a few inches inside your drenched heat. The warmth envoles him instantly, your pussy pulsates around him and neither of you can't help the in synch groans tearing from your throats.

"Just the tip" you lick your lips, your voice betraying you as you resist the urge to glide the rest of his lenght inside your quivering core.

"Just the tip, my ass."

Out of sudden, Jungkook is swiftly lifting his hips from the matress, sinking all the way in. You cry as your body jumps forward, face hidden in the juncture of Jungkook's sweaty neck. His thick cock stretches you out as nice and deep and perfectly as he always does. You mewl. This was not supossed to happen at all.

"See? This is what you really wanted." you can hear the chuckle threatening to spill from his lips, anger starting to boil inside of you again.

Regaining a little bit of your lost control, you lift yourself on your trembling knees and sit back again, the tip of his dick hitting your cervix. You groan in unision, placing your hands on the hard planes of his chest and steadying yourself to try to reclaim your dominance. Finding it troublesome, because Jungook is set on having it his own way, his thrusts meeting yours in perfect synch.

You really shouldn't feel your climax approaching so soon but somehow battling for control while bickering with Jungkook is about to send you over the edge and that's making you even more annoyed.

"I swear to God, Jungkook. If you don't stop moving and shut the fuck up..." your murmur through gritted teeth, jaw slackened and eyes fluttering shut.

"What?" he spats, breathing rugged and voice coarse. "If I don't shut up, you'll wha-"

The sound of a sharp smack echoes inside your room and Jungkook's movements freeze on the spot. His head is turned to the side from the impact, and a faint print of your fingers is adorning his already stinging cheek. None of you mutter anything for a few seconds, until concerned words start to rush out of you.

"Ohmygod, Jungkook, I-"

"Did you just slap me?" Jungkook is unmoving, his mouth agape and you can picture the incredulous expression his eyes might be oozing. "Baby, what the fuck?!" You're mortified. Your hands cover your mouth and your eyes, wide open, stare down at him although he can't stare at you back.

"Babe, I don't know why I did that, you wouldn't stop talking and I know that's not an excuse but it-"

"It was fucking hot." a breathy laugh in disbelief leaves his chest. Your forehead creases, hands falling down to your chest to try to steady your incessant heartbeat. His tongue darts between his pearly teeth, a smug smirk on his features. An eyebrow of yours raises as you size him up, the realization that his body is completely motionless now hitting you.

Lurging forward, you pinch his jaw between your fingers, your hips carry on their grinding on their own accord. He releases a raspy moan, your walls clenching around him as another hit strikes his cheek, softer this time.

"You gonna be good to me?" you mutter against his lips. He nods slowly, his mouth salivating as your hips swirl on top of him. He blindly tries to reattach his mouth to yours, but you dodge him, going for the skin of his clavicle instead. "Can I fuck you slow like this until you're filling me with your cum?" He squirms when he feels you sucking a pretty purple bruise on his flesh, your cunt dropping all the way down his cock, leisurly grinding against his pelvic bone, looking yourself to find some relief to your clit.

"Ah!" his head tilts back, back slighlt arching as you soothe the mark on his neck with your tongue. "That m-might be s-sooner than you think, babe" he admits timorously, swallowing the lump in his throat, the veins on his neck on full display.

You sigh in content because, thankfully your orgasm is also closer than he thinks it is. "M-me too-" you gasp, your face buried on his shoulder, letting your fingers brush his ebony hair, nails gently scrapping his scalp as you keep the tortuous movements of your hips against his, his girth hitting that spot just right everytime until you feel the knot in your tummy finally snapping. "C-cum, J-Jungkook, I-m-"

Jungkook doesn't need to be told twice because he has been holding back from it for a while now, not really willing to admit he was enjoying this as much as he was. With a thrust of his own fused with the way your pussy is tightening around him it's enough to send him over the edge, an unpredicted cry emanating from his vocal chords harmonizing with your own, his whole body tensing as your walls milk every single drop of his cum.

For several minutes you stay just like that. Jungkook's hands still tied, blindfold still on, his mouth still agape as his chest rises and falls until his breathing becomes steady again. And you, on top, your fingers tangled in his dark locks, your breath fanning against his neck and his release dripping down your thighs. You stay like that until your body starts shaking with uncontrollable laughter.

Jungkook tilts his head towards yours, eyebrows furrowing and eyes still covered.

"What was that noise?" you manage through your giggle fit. "'Aaah!'" You've never made a noise like that before, I can't- it was so funn-"

Even while still being strained and blindfolded and with you making fun of him, a loopsided goofy smirk starts making an appearence on Jungkook's features.

Fancy dinner parties were never your thing.

Wearing heels that were too high -specifically to try to match Jungkook's height-, a new expensive dress that you were surely going to return as soon as the event was over because you definitely could not afford it and socializing with Jungkook's clique was definitely not the way you envisioned your Saturday night going.

At least Jungkook had barely been able to keep his hands for himself at the sight of you wrapped in emerald green silk and lace. But even that couldn't make you feel less uncomfortable and out of place.

Yugyeom, one of Jungkook's friends, had definitely more money than your boyfriend had previously let you know. Apparently, being a 'lil rich' as Jungkook had mentioned meant booking a luxurious restaurant to hold a dinner party with at least fifty people who looked just as 'lil rich' as Yugyeom's Gucci tuxedo.

'It'll be alright babe. Yugyeom always insists on celebrating his birthday like it's an Oscar after party. We'll just eat some of that disgusting caviar and then head home to watch Netflix, I swear'.

And yes, caviar was gross, but so was the fact that Jungkook had failed to mention a certain someone would also be making an appearence.

After introducing you to a few of his friends and realizing that Mingyu's frendliness and amiability helped you feel more relaxed, he had excused himself to the bathroom, leaving you and his friend to entangle in a heated conversation about How I Met Your Mother's finale season.

You were thankful for Mingyu's humble nature and easygoing talk for a few minutes until you finally spotted your boyfriend making his way back into the room, stopping in his tracks to acknowledge a group of friends from his class.

Again, you wouldn't have such a problem with a certain blonde if she would just stop looking at Jungkook with stars in her eyes and pressing her cleavage against him while playing with her hair. It was hard to keep track of your conversation with Mingyu while Eunha was standing right next to your boyfriend and seemingly ogling up at him. It was also hard to not let your mind waver to dangerous territory when you took notice of how disgustingly good they looked together.

Just two attractive people who would look disgustingly good together.

Mingyu's voice makes you turn back to him.

"...I don't know, like, Barney was a womanizer until Robin, you know? He changed for her! They were just perfect for each other, but they had to throw it all away by killing the mother and then making Robin marry Ted? And Barney going back to his old ways?" Mingyu sounds exhasperated and you would laugh and find it cute if your stomach wasn't tugging again in a way that made you regret drinking so much wine so fast. Specially after his last statement.

"That's what I'm saying." you mumble, turning your attention back to your boyfriend in the crowd.

Jungkook wouldn't go back to his old ways. He loves you. There's nothing to worry about.

But as you watch him start to make his way towards you, you also watch the way Eunha grabs the sleeve of his blazer to pull him back. She leans in, whispers something in his ear to which he just shakes his head, says something that it's impossible to decipher from here you're standing and simply walks in your direction.

Still, as much as you tried to be neutral and objective and not a 'jealous little bitch', it's almost impossible to hide the sour expression on your face. It's impossible to unclench your jaw throughout the entire evening or lose the too tight grip on your glass of wine. Even when Jungkook whispers in your ear if you're okay, you merely nod yes. You avoid eye contact with him and everytime he tries to slip your hand into his, you dodge him it by wrapping your arms around yourself, claiming how cold it is.

Jungkook is not dumb.

He know something's up but he's also not stupid enough to cause a scene in public or preassure you into talking. So he settles on wating and being patient. Even as he slips his jacket on your stiff shoulders with pouty lips and his eyebrows drawn together, all he does is press a small kiss to the back of your neck. It takes all power within you to not throw yourself in his arms.

But as midnight approaches and it's time to leave, you notice a change in Jungkook's behaviour as you say your goodbyes. His hand on your back is not just a soft caress, instead, his fingers pull you closer, dig into your skin as he drags the both of you to where his car is parked. Now it's him who avoids your gaze. His tensed jaw and his tongue pressing against the inside of his cheek is a visible indicator that Jungkook is pissed.

You know his body language as well as he knows yours. And now, as he opens the door of the passanger seat so you can slide in, the guilt and the remorse of acting cold towards him for hours is finally dawning on you.

"Are you going to tell me now what was that about?" when he closes his own door shut, he doesn't bother to put his seatbelt on. Just grips the steering wheel as he turns to you.

"I-I don't know what you're t-"

"You don't know what I'm talking about?" he laughs, not a bit of humour in it. "I know scenes like this make you feel uncomfortable but I actually thought everything was going fine. I leave you for five minutes with Mingyu and when I come back, you won't look at me, won't touch me, won't act like I'm your boyfriend. Like I did something wrong. So please, _____, tell me, what's going on?"

You know there's no excuse for the way you acted. You know it's not Jungkook's fault he attracts attention and it most definitely not his fault if an ex of his is still hung up on him. You know it's your own fault and you know you should not try to excuse yourself and fight back. You'd swore to yourself you'd push down any feelings of jealousy deep inside until they disappeared. But something about tonight makes you explode.

"Why was she being all over you?"

Jungkook's face twists in confusion. "What? Who?"

"Eunha! Who the fuck else? She was all over you a few weeks ago at Minghao's party, and she was all over you tonight!" your voice is louder than you would've liked but at this point all you care about is letting it all out.

"This is what all of that was about? Eunha?"

"Yes! I've seen her on campus as well! Always trying to get your attention! I don't care that you have friends in common, but specially tonight, she whispered something to you and she was looking at you like she-"

"Who cares how she looks at me? All you need to care about is how I look at you because the only thing I care about is how you look at me!" Jungkook exclaims, clearly exhausted of this conversation.

You sink in your seat and look away as the knuckles on his hands turn white from gripping the steering wheel.

"_____," he calls you gently, but his voice mantains a stern tone to it. "We don't do jealousy. I thought we were supossed to trust each other blindly. Have I not proved to you how sickenly in love with you I am? Do you not trust me and what I feel?"

"I-... Of course I do. I-just... I don't know. You're right. That was uncalled for." you wrap yourself in the warmth of Junkook's blazer, trying to make his scent wash away any ugly resentment and guilt in your body.

"Wanna know what she said to me?" a rethorical question, because he was going to tell you anyway. "She asked me if I was going to stay for Yugyeom's after party, way past midnight. Wanna know what I said?" he turns to you. "I said no, I'm spending the night with my girlfriend."

None of you say nothing after that. He just puts his seatbelt on and starts driving. It's not too much of a far drive to his dorm, but the silence and the awkwardness makes it feel so much longer than it should be. You don't remember the last time Jungkook was mad at you. Actually, you don't think Jungkook has ever been mad at you. He loved the banter, loved to tease you, loved being competitive with you. But you had never seen him being avoidant of you. And that feeling tears your heart on the seat of his car.

"Are you mad at me?" you ask, voice barely audible, when the car stops at a red light. His dark eyes meet yours, his face immediately softening as he studies your expression. Then he picks one of your small hands in one of his big ones, brings it to his lips and lightly kisses your knuckles. He communicates with his eyes what he doesn't with words and it's enough to make you feel secure, at least for now.

When you finally arrive at Jungkook's room, he holds the door ope for you and lets you walk in, but he's still unusually quiet. So much so, you start to worry you might have fucked up big time.

You stand there, not knowing what to do as you watch him sit down on his bed, slipping his shoes and socks off and loosening the tie around his neck. His hair, that was perfectly styled a few hours ago, is now messy by the amount of times his hand has pushed it back. He looks too yummy, and you hate the fact that tension and a little bit of fighting has managed to make him look as delectable.

You ignore the heat starting to form in your belly because now it's not the time to be horny. Not when you still need to apologize and make things right. He's rolling the sleeves of his black shirt down his forearms when you decide to speak.

"Jungkook, I'm very sorry." you start, as you remove his blazer off you and place it on the chair right in front of his desk. "I don't know why I acted the way I did. I dont get easily jealous and I really don't think I am but..." your throat constricts your words for a moment. "The more I love you, the more frightened I get when I think that one day you'll realize I'm better off as your best friend's little sister. I-I dont know what I'd do with myself if that ever happene-"

"Take off your dress." Jungkook's impassive voice and emotionless face startles you and you freeze on your feet.

"What?"

"Did I stutter?"

His elbows rest on his knees and he's holding your stare with his. His doe eyes lack that free spirited and amusing glint they usually have. He looks bored, scrutinizing you. He's not challenging you. He's commanding you because he knows you will obligue.

That's why you gulp and slowly slide the straps of your dress down your arms until the fabric pools at your feet. His eyes waver along your naked breasts, nipples perking up like the mere intensity of his gaze is ordering them to. He doesn't make a move and doesn't say anything for a few seconds. He doesn't compliment you like he normally would at the sight of you almost naked in front of him.

His lack of words make you feel insecure, regardless of how turned on you are. You're used to Jungkook being reassuring, you're used to his lighthearted jokes and his playful kisses in the bedroom. But you're not used to Jungkook telling you what to do and keeping his distance while doing so. Your arms move on their own to hide yourself.

"Don't. If you hide from me, I swear to God, _____." he watches you as you let your arms fall back to your sides, your chest moving up and down while you struggle to breathe. You can't deny Jungkook's gruff voice and his eyes studying every bit of skin available to him like he hasn't seen you naked before is not making your underwear stick to your lower lips.

"JK, I just don't think this is the right moment to-"

"On my lap." your heart skips a bit, a thrill of excitement coursing through your veins.

"Jungkook-"

"I said, get on my lap, face down." he says again, this time slower. One of his eyebrows quirk up. "Or would you rather me drag you myself? Or make you crawl?"

Your eyes widen, and your feet are quick to approach him. Your nipples tingle, your core is throbbing and your cheeks are adorned by a beautiful blush that Jungkook doesn't miss.

He doesn't move until you're in front of him, just to help you lower yourself on his lap, your cheek and your nipples touching the mattress and your ass up. You close your eyes when Jungkook skims his fingertips over your skin, his carressing relaxing your body until he eases your nerves a bit. He sighs when he notices the way that poor excuse of a thong sticks between your folds as his strong hands massage your buttcheeks.

He's taking his time, his fingers gliding over your soft skin, his breathing too calm for your liking. Until one palm of his hand collides sharply against your right cheek, sending your body forward. You gasp, the stinging making your body want to pull away. But he's quick to catch both your wrists behind your back, keeping you in place.

"Jungk-!"

Another smack, this time harder, on the same cheek.

"Did I give you permission to talk?"

Smack. This time on the left cheek. Your back arches on its own will, presenting more of your ass to him unwittingly. Your eyes squeezed shut and bite the inside of your cheek as you rub your thighs together. You keep quiet as his hand lands another blow on your ass.

"That's a good girl. Now," his voice is gentler this time as his hand soothe your reddened cheeks. "do you think what you did tonight was okay?" you say nothing, only a mewl slips past your lips. Another smack. "Answer me."

"No." you lick your lips, anticipating more.

"Do you think it was funny to pull a stunt like that?"

Smack.

"N-no!"

"No, it wasn't. Spread your legs for me." you do as you're told and he finally pulls down the drenched piece of lace down your thighs. He leans forward, spreads your cheeks with one hand as he lets a glob of spit fall directly into your lips. He makes you gasp when his fingers start sliding up and down your folds slowly.

"I've had to put up with this kind of behavour since the day you begged me to fuck this tight, virgin pussy like the little slut you are." you whine, face red as humiliation starts to creep in. Jungkook slips one finger in, pumping it slow and easy. Your hips move to take him deeper.

"I tried to be a gentleman, you know?" he says, adding a second finger. "I've tried to treat you nice and sweet and be the best boyfriend I could be to make you happy and keep you satisfied in every sense of the word." his thumb finds your clit, rubbing tortuous circles.

"Been compeletely whipped since I kissed you for the first time. Haven't looked at other girls because I just can't when I have everything I want to look at right in front of me." murmuring, he starts to get lost your pussy and how it swallows his fingers and how obscene you look and sound, dripping right on his trousers. He watches his fingers moving in and out, almost hypnotized. "Yet, somehow..." he pulls away. You whimper in protest.

"Somehow, you still seem to doubt me." His hand smacks your cheek again, wet fingers spreading your essence all over your skin.

"P-please, please." you cry. You miss Jungkook's sadistic smile before he releases the grip on your wrists, still keeping you on his lap. Both his hands spread your cheeks now, and another glob of spit falls right into your asshole. His fingers find your cunt again, easily taking you almost over the edge.

"If you could only look at yourself right now... All spread out for me like a needy whore in heat" his thumb teases your unexplored rim, hesitantly, coating it with his spit and your own arousal. He presses in slowly. You gasp, your body tenses and Jungkook stills his movements immediately. There's silence for a few seconds.

"Too far? Should I stop?" and there's your Jungkook, concern lacing his voice. His free hand caresses your back, your body relaxing, laying back down obediently. His fingers are still inside you and his thumb is still asking for entrance. He leans forward, placing a small but comforting kiss on the bruised skin of your right asscheek.

"Go on." you whisper, but he doesn't move right away. This time, it's his own body that tenses momentarely before going back to his tranquil demeanor. He breathes through his noise as his fingers pick up where they left off.

"Yeah?" you swear you hear him swallow a lump in his throat. "Gonna let me finger this tight little ass like a good slut? Mm?" his thumb slides deeper, slightly stretching you out while his fingers work your pussy in a solid rhythm. "Gonna let me stretch you out little by little until I can open you up with my cock one day?" his movements speed up, fingers sliding out of your cunt to play with your clit and his thumb slowly moving in and out. "You don't wanna talk now? You just want to stay silent while I fuck your ass and-"

And then you're cumming, so unexpected it takes both of you by surprise. Your hands grip onto Jungkook's sheets, your thighs clasp around his hand as you scream his name. He doesn't stop though. He rides you through it, encouraging words mixing with filthy insults that prolong your orgasm until you're squirming beneath him.

"Shit, baby... My hand is soaked." he mumbles, as he slowly removes his fingers and thumb from you. "You okay?"

You faintly nod your head yes, not able to find words through your dry mouth and your pussy still convulsing.

"Good. Get on the bed. On your hands and knees."

You somehow manage to slip from his lap and position yourself as he says. Except your arms and legs are shaking. Although the sound of Jungkook undoing his belt and his hands gripping your hips and bringing you towards him until the head of his dick is at your entrance is enough to make you forget about how tired your body is. You surrender to him, not even bothering to hold yourself up on your arms, your fingers crumbling the sheets and your face buried into the pillow.

When his cock enters you, a pitiful moan leaves your mouth. His thick lenght slides into your heat, filling you perfectly as he always does. It's a wonder how well he fits inside you.

"Such a perfect slut for me. Always ready for me to do whatever I want with her, since day one. So tight, so ready. So, so perfect. All mine." he talks as measured as he moves, dragging each word out as his hips find a nice tempo.

Then he doesn't move for a while with his dick buried between your walls, and you know he's holding himself back. You turn your head slightly to look at him. He catches your eyes instantly. Sees your mascara running down your watery eyes, and your smudged lipstick and your messy hair and then he's giving you that look. That look that lets you know that Jungkook is, indeed, whipped for you. Leaning in, he presses his shirt-covered chest to your sweaty, naked back. His cock dives deeper, not an ounce of space between you as he lovingly kisses your cheek until his mouth finds yours.

He kisses you hard but soft, tongue meeting yours for the first time since you entered the room. Jungkook is not a man of words. He's silly, and a jokester, and finds it difficult to express how he's feeling. But when he kisses you, or looks at you, when he touches you, or when he makes love to you, even if it's as dirty and filthy as right now, he's always able to transmit exactly what he can't vocally.

He's telling you there's no other place he'd rather be than here, with you.

When he pulls back, a string of saliva still connecting your lips, his hand moves to the back of your head, fisting your hair in a tight hold that makes you arch your back and desperately moan for him.

"A-and you're mine." you sob.

It's like something snaps inside of him. He growls and suddenly his hips lose control. He nails you against the mattress, his grip on your hair pulling your head back, his lips against your ear as your cunt clenches around his cock.

"Just yours. All yours." his grunts send shivers down your spine and you're close again, even in the painful and uncomfortable position your body is in. Being at Jungkook's mercy and him being at yours is enough to have you seeing starts.

"This is the only pussy I want wrapped around my cock. Your lips are the only ones I want to kiss. You're the only one I want between my arms." It only takes two flickers of Jungkook's free hand against your nub and his next words to tip you over. "You belong to me, and I belong to you."

You squeal as you come, and Jungkook bites your shoulder to keep himself from doing so as well as he follows shortly. He fills you up with his release, but he doesn't release you from him. He wraps his arms around your frame, both your bodies becoming soft as he rolls over to one side with your back still pressed to his chest, cock still inside you. His lips find their way to the skin of your shoulder and the back of your neck. His breath fanning your flesh makes you smile.

"That is so not like my sister. I'm telling you, she never gets jealous." Taehyung says over the phone. He's munching on something again and Jungkook would bet all the money in his wallet again he's eating Skittles. Red Skittles. "So, everything cool now?"

"Yeah, man. We just talked it out, you know?" Jungkook's gaze falls on you, laying on your stomach on his bed, laptop iluminating your face, earbuds on and your head moving to whatever music you're listening to. Jungkook would bet all the money in his bank account it's Shape Of My Heart by The Backstreet Boys. Or at least that's what he's been able to guess so far. He was never good at reading lips, specially when trying to guess boybands' lyrics.

Friday's nights meant late 1990's/early 2000's pop nostalgia for you. It meant shaking his head and spending the following week trying to get Britney and Xtina songs out of his brain for him. Although lately, he hadn't been trying that hard. Jungkook sighs in content, not really trying to cover the fact that he might be looking at you like a starstruck teenager. Which, it was totally fair because that's exactly how he feels about you. "Communication is key, bro."

He keeps watching you until your head perks up and catch him gawking. You smile at him and he smiles back.

"By 'communication is key' you mean you actually fucked my little sister silly right? Bro, I swear, I'll block your numb-"

"Sorry man, gotta go."

"And now you're gonna fuck her silly again, right? You son of a b-"

Jungkook hangs up just as you take your earbuds off, making his way to you to kiss you silly.

#jeon jungkook #jungkook #bts #jungkook smut #jungkook fluff #jungkook imagine #jungkook fic #FINALLY #took me a month to gain motivation and inspiration back!!!

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