#I will read any kind of pairings but I love miserable pathetic men more than anything in the world

[4beomy]

chapter 1

SUMMARY - a week after bravely calling off an on and off relationship, you're back to square one trying to win your ex back - but this time with the help of your failed blind date.

pairing: choi soobin x f!reader

word count: 6.3k

genre: angst? idk if you can even call it angst lol. but mostly comedy ?? this is just an introduction chapter i honestly dk

warnings for chapter one: mature language, mentions of shitty ex (there's no detail), y/n's kind of a bitch but not too bitchy yet (she gets worse chapter 2 but better beyond that!!), soobin's not a fan

AN: this is ridiculously long for an introduction chapter and i think i ramble a lot instead of getting to the point but thats mainly my writing style so T-T!! also, idk if this even is going to be read by anyone at all so i'm just left with hoping one person finds this. i'll only post chapter 2 if i can at least get 20 notes on this one idk is that too much of an expectation T-T??

start | next

It’s been a week since you broke up with Yeonjun for good. Like you were so over him. Goodbye to a cycle that only drains you of any sort of happiness and hello to independent woman, single and ready to… Who were you fucking kidding? You’ve never been any more miserable than you were, body aching from being stuck to your bed for the majority of the weekend, dark circles never in your life being more prominent than they were now, hair that hasn’t been washed since you walked out on him which left you feeling dirty and even MORE miserable. God, how could a man be able to do this to you? You can’t believe how dependent you were on Yeonjun and how much of a comfort the constant of him being a part of your life had been.

Before Yeonjun, you swear you were that girl that wouldn’t fall at the charms of a man. You used to know how to get around with men and how to speak to get your way (granted that was just manipulation) but at some point you had decided to settle for longer than you intended. The constant nagging from your parents of being introduced to a new guy every few months was starting to get to you anyway.

Junior year of high school, Yeonjun, had caught your eye. And you let him string you along, a mistake that had been. Because not for long, the roles had switched and he had more power over you than you did him…weirdly you didn’t mind (or more so you didn’t notice).

Well, fuck that, and fuck you for letting yourself go..and even as you say that you can feel your mind drifting to how he was doing, how he was taking the break up, god did he even care?

Your pathetic desperate thoughts are interrupted by a ring of your phone (thankfully). You groan, knowing who it was going to be but hoping it was someone else (preferably, and desperately your ex but you weren’t going to admit that).

“Took you long enough to finally answer! Anyways–Oh my god.  Remember that cafe that was rumored to open a few months ago?” The yelling (plus the obvious female voice) was enough to tell you it wasn’t who you hoped it’d be calling. You let out a groan, you knew exactly who it was. But your brain couldn’t scramble together whatever the hell your best friend was saying.

“Huh?”, your voice obviously still hoarse like you just woke up (even though you haven’t slept a wink).

“The cat caf- Oh my god. Are you still not over him?”

You roll your eyes. You knew exactly what was incoming, nagging upon nagging about how Yeonjun was an absolute dick and you shouldn’t be crying over someone like him ..blah blah blah. 

This happened every time you and your ex had a fallout and each time you’d soak in the support but right now…not so much. Especially since there isn’t the usual comfort in your heart that you’ll get back together.

“Y/N? Seriously? There’s like no way you’re still hung up on him!”

“Yes, there is a way," you say as a matter of fact, "It’s seriously only been a week, let me be depressed and sad.”

“You know a week’s too much for you…don’t tell me..”, she takes a moment to mockingly gasp, “You were in love with him?”

“Oh my god. I swear you always bring this up every two business days. And I tell you everytime, that NO I wasn’t in love with him.”, you seriously weren’t. One hundred percent.

“Whateverrr. Listen, just come to the address I’m about to send you right now. Me and Seulgi are hanging there and I swear it’ll so make you over Yeonjun in seconds when you actually shower and interact with human beings!!”

You hear the hanging up tone and lay your phone down on your stand—used to the non phone mannerisms Karina had.

To be honest with yourself, you were waiting for someone to invite you out. You just didn’t want to ask out loud because how embarrassing was it to tell people you needed to go out because you just couldn’t stop thinking about your ex? 

When you hear a notification pop up on your phone and see an address to something that seemed like a cafe, you sighed and finally rolled off your bed.

But it wasn’t dreadful. Actually getting up to take care of yourself. You missed it. Even before the break up last week, your girlfriends had noticed how shit your skin looked and how often it’d break out. Maybe this was for the better, maybe everything will be more stress-free.

Yeah, wrong. It was too late when you sat down, feeling strange symptoms of allergy pop up. Your eyes trailed around the cafe to pinpoint why you were feeling your breathing tighten…so suddenly.

”Uh helloooo to Y/N!!”, Karina waved obnoxiously at your face, with the obnoxious pretty smile that she had.

“Aww, wittle kitty kitty”, your other friend cooed. And that’s when you made eye contact with the species in front of you. Well, fuck. You look on the table and see the cat fur just there.

Your eyes immediately start tearing up, and suddenly you can feel your throat closing up…you were having an extreme allergic reaction. You let out an almost choked out sentence, “A fucking cat cafe?” your face already turning red.

Karina’s mouth was wide open and Seulgi’s face was shocked. Pure shock. Your allergic reactions have never been this bad, they were usually pretty tame. You swear to god it was the prolonged exposure you had to Yeonjun’s cat that made you break out worse than ever before. Has your immune system given up on you too?

“Oh my god!”, Seulgi yells trying to get the cat away from the table they were at. Karina immediately runs to the staff asking for any sort of medications they had that could help with the allergies.

And finally, when the short moment of panic washes over and you had taken the quick shot to calm your allergies down, your friends eyes were still looking over you worriedly. They hoped to relieve you of any stress, to make you a little more happy in the miserable situation you were in…but, they probably made it worse.

You really didn’t want to but the streams of tears couldn’t be held back anymore. So there, your composure finally breaks. At a fucking cat cafe.

Quick to your side was Karina as Seulgi’s hand massages yours. “What if he’s out there having fun when I’m over here almost dying from a fucking allergic reaction?”, you said sniffling.

Karina puts her arm over your shoulder. “Trust me girl, you were far from death.” Her way of comforting was rather strange—but nevertheless made you let out a half forced chuckle.

“Did you check his insta? For all we know, he’s probably as miserable if not even more depressed than you are…”, Seulgi’s words were always wise..it even made you feel some sort of sick comfort—because if he was just as miserable you were sure your own would disappear and you’d finally move on. But the issue was clear.

“I blocked his instagram.”

Karina rolls her eyes. “It’s not like the unblock button doesn’t exist.”

You turn to face her, dead in the eyes. “You know exactly what would happen if I unblock any of his socials.” Karina only pouts at that and nods agreeing to what exactly would happen. All anyone would need to know is that your mental health would crash to the earth’s core.

Seulgi, who was still a fairly new addition to your friends list, looked between the two of you awkwardly. She had a grasp of what would happen but not really the way Karina would. Nevertheless she suggests, “I can look up his account on my phone.”

“You didn’t block him?”, you ask. Seulgi shrugs.

”Not like I got the memo.” you let out a dry laugh. It was a bit ridiculous for you to expect people to do things without you directly telling them. You thought you had mastered the arts of body language and indirect sayings but maybe that was truly the fallout of you and Yeonjun.

“Oh—Uh..”, Seulgi’s voice interrupts your thoughts and her face wasn’t pleasant..or at least it wasn’t one that’d tell you Yeonjun was miserable. 

Before you could grab her phone, Karina snatched it first. She makes sure to turn away from your eyes and you’re left there trying to study her reaction as she squints.

You could tell by how the light wasn’t reflected on her face anymore that she closed it. “Y/n, you can’t believe how sad and depressed he is—” fucking bullshit.

“What the hell did you guys see.”

They both look at each other, exchanging knowing glances. “Do you actually want to know?”, Seulgi starts off.

“Yeah, duh. That’s why you searched up the username I told you to search.”, you let out an impatient annoyed scoff. The knot that was created in the speed of light right in your throat went unnoticeable for a while. You were terrified. Because you think you know exactly what’s coming. Maybe you just know and maybe, despite the demands to know what they saw— you secretly wanted to stay longer in a moment of ignorant bliss.

“Promise you won’t cry.”, Seulgi shoots Karina a glare. “What? I don’t want to see my best friend cry..”, she defends.

“Can you guys just tell me? I’m not in the mood to beat around the bush anymore”, your voice lost its usual loudness and was laced with insecurity. Only happening when anything involved Yeonjun, fucking great. 

Seulgi hesitantly types in her passcode and slides her phone across the table. Even before you grab it, you can see a familiar background. And when you finally are able to digest the picture you’re looking at—you don’t know exactly how to respond.

The familiar background was an abandoned rooftop Yeonjun had taken you often when you wanted to go on a date. He had completely revamped it, in the cheesiest most revamped a college boy could manage to do. Candles, blankets, pillows. The usually picnic romantic fort looking place. You’ve never thought that there you’d see that background again, that he had built for you, being occupied by another girl. Her arms comfortably on his waist and her face buried on his chest. As you swipe, you can tell they were candid photos. The type of photos you and yeonjun took.

The breaking point wasn’t even the caption that said “you make everything look brighter” but the date. For a brief moment you wondered if it would’ve been worse if the date was a day after you broke up—the 1 week ago being more of a comfort than 2 hours ago. But that wondering—the curiosity went away. Because as you dropped the phone and buried your face on the folded arms you put on the table he was out there with a new girl right under his arms, looking happier than ever.

All of it was like a quick comedy skit, you wailing like a little baby to the point the staff had to come and ask you guys to leave for disturbing customers. Then Karina flipping them off, threatening they’d never see a dime of hers in their register (ignoring the fact that they didn’t really pay for anything during their stay here). It became more hostile when the staff started threatening scarier things—like calling the police. That was enough to silence Karina and pull you out of the cafe along with Seulgi.

“I swear I’m never coming here again.”, Karina cursed under her breath as she looked back at the cafe.

“Shut up, you so are”, you say with your strained voice trying to lighten the mood. Your dignity was at the floor by this point because at both of your sides, your girls were holding tight on your arm like you were fragile and would fall apart any second they lose grip of you.

“Okay but like obviously two months from now. But not today or tomorrow. Like fuck that cat cafe, I’m boycotting.” To her comment you let out a light chuckle. You were tired though—but you knew, and so did everyone else that there were more of your tears coming soon enough.

As you reached what seemed to be your older friend’s car you suggested sitting alone in the backseat. At first, both were hesitant on leaving you alone. Because who would stop you if you recklessly decided to open the car door and jump out? But they reached to the conclusion that you hadn’t reached that stage of insanity yet.

The car ride was silent for the most part as Seulgi kept getting stuck in traffic and turning the wrong turns. The collective groans from both you and Karina made things feel just a little lighter. But seriously, she was a terrible driver for someone who claimed to have been driving for four years. 

“Sugar pooks, I just got an idea. Like its brilliant—omg.”, Karina squealed turning her head to the back seat. You were laying your head on the window, being all depressed.

You were about to open your mouth to call her off for calling you “sugar pooks'' but you ultimately decided you have no energy to go back and forth with Karina. “No, hear me out. It’s perfect.”

You give her a glance to assure you were listening. “Basically, I have this guy friend—”

“Not interested in any of your greasy guy friends.” you quickly interrupt.

And to that, Seulgi let out a chuckle while Karina’s face fell. “I’d never set you up with them oh my god. How low do you think of me? I’m talking about a guy friend that has a friend—”

“Not interested Karina. Seriously, you think I'd be mentally okay with a relationship right now?”, you say, finally looking at her.

“It doesn’t have to be long term. I’m hinting at a rebound. Not everyone’s fit for a rebound, but rebounds were made for you. You should be the one out and about hooking up with every person you see, not that manwhore.” she spit out. You let out a quick chuckle at the nickname she gave Yeonjun, it had a nice ring to it.

But again, for the twentieth time in your life, you give one of Karina’s disastrous suggestions a thought. You can tell Seulgi was agreeing with the way the reflection in the rearview mirror had shown her eyebrows raised, basically telling you “Maybe you should give it a shot?”

By now, Karina’s prolonged stare waiting for a response made you let out a sigh. You had no choice but to agree. “Do you have a picture?”

Karina shakes her head. “Then how the fuck—how the fuck am I gonna—What if he’s ugly?” you finally give up at your attempt to not sound shallow.

“Wouldn’t necessarily be un-plausible. My friend said he never dated outside of years old middle school relationships.”

“That doesn’t help. Like at all.” Karina shrugs at that.

Seulgi only speaks when she has wisdom to share and in this case, she obviously did. “You can always run away.”

You kept reminding yourself what your friend had told you as you dressed up in a simple black dress. You can always run away, no problem. You’ve done it before, its not that hard. Excuse yourself to the bathroom then run out the back door! Simple.

God, this was ridiculous. Even you can admit that. You’ve never felt even more childish than you are now. Dressing up for a date when a few hours ago you were crying your eyes out about your ex. Karina texted you his number saying the date was “tonight”..which you were NOT informed of prior to agreeing. 

So now here you were, patting your hands on your black dress removing anything that might’ve gotten stuck on it—it was an old dress from sophomore year of high school. The lucky dress you'd wear on every first date. Hopefully, they were lucky enough for this date to not go into ruins (though you were more than skeptical). 

You only crossed your fingers in hopes the man you were having a rebound blind date with wouldn’t be the ugliest man you’ve come across. Or else you’d never be able to hold back your tears right in the restaurant. Which would embarrass both you and him (hey, you weren’t a heartless monster! Of course you had empathy).

The fact that he was already late made you lose any hope of you really getting a rebound tonight. 

And to that thought, you hear your phone buzzing.

Unknown number: Are you on your way? (7:35pm)

That’s a text message you’d get if you were expected to be on your way. That’s a text message you wouldn't get if he was going to pick you up…like you were waiting for him to do. Well shit. 

You can feel your eyes twitch – was the 7:30 referring to the time you should be there and not the time he was going to come and pick you up from your apartment? Yeah, it was.

But you sent him an address. He should’ve gotten the hint? Or maybe chivalry’s just dead. At the same time, you do remember getting an address…probably to the restaurant you were supposed to be at. Maybe, you should’ve gotten the hint. Ugh, you really want to call this off. 

Like some demon was reading your thoughts and notified someone about them, your phone buzzed again. 

Karina (dont respond!): don’t even think about ditching.

Great. 

No car. No bus station near you (another day of realizing how bad of a location your apartment complex was in). Your best bet was walking an hour with your 6 inch stiletto heels – oh the things you would do to get Yeonjun off your mind.

You: I’ll be a bit late, something came up, sorry.

Its been what seems like thirty minutes of endless aching of your heels, you really feel like crying by now. You’re used to walking long distances to your college almost every day, but in heels? You’d rather eat a raw dick. 

Okay, well not quite that but the point is there. It was horrendous walking this long distance. And god, the constant impatient texts from your date wasn’t making anything any better. Can he just shut up for a second? 

One more text and you’d block the number, ideally doing what you wanted to do all along. Cry about Yeonjun!! But it's like your blind date got the memo and finally stopped texting. 

And now you’ve reached the dreaded place. You take a deep breath before walking inside, preparing yourself to not lose your already short sticked temper.  

Red sweater he said. Red sweater. Your eyes wander around the small but packed restaurant to spot him – it wasn’t hard. The red was literally a neon color, it’d be hard not to spot. 

“Karina’s friend?”, you said (noticing you haven’t exchanged names through text).

He doesn’t turn around at first but after a few seconds, the name registers and rings a bell. He immediately turns around and after a minute of just staring at you (it was awkward and it was getting harder to keep a smile on) he finally remembers to respond, “Oh, hi. Yes.”

Okay. First, he isn’t bad looking, you take note. But he’s not your type at all. Shouldn’t your best friend of nine years know what you like by now? He was the complete definition of a flower boy, barf. 

“What took you so long?” 

Straight to confrontation huh? It was getting difficult to maintain the practiced fake smile you’ve been keeping for the past three minutes.

“Silly me thought you’d pick me up, haha!”, you respond over-enthusiastically. The faux laugh coupled with the hints of condescending words made your date shift a bit uncomfortably. Good, feel guilty. 

Instead of the apology you expected he simply nods. Just nods. You take note about something else, he has zero manners. You were going to reach that conclusion much earlier, but you gave him the benefit of the doubt. Now you truly know that men don’t deserve such considerations. First impressions are always right.

By now, the silence was unbearable. All he did was sit there, noticeably tapping a foot pretentiously over and over again. Did he want to leave? What the hell was he doing that for? You decide to not mind it any business and finally get over the basics.

“What’s your name by the way?”, wow. You should seriously become an actress with the way you just feigned your niceness. Especially when you wanted to do nothing but roll your eyes at every little action the man does. 

“Soobin.”, then you patiently wait for him to ask the same. Just exchanging basic pleasantries, its a bare social skill. Right? Right???

A few seconds too long, you realized he wasn’t going to ask. And you also realized you wanted nothing but to leave. 

“My name’s Y/N.”, you didn’t even try holding up a smile anymore. You’re just trying to find a way to excuse yourself to the bathroom because this wasn’t going to work out..at all.

“Oh, I know.” And you couldn’t hide how your eyes widened. What the fuck? Was this guy a stalker or something? How would he know???

“What?”, you try your best to sound calm. 

“We had a project last semester together. In Mr. Kim’s chemistry class.”, he said as a matter of fact – kind of surprised you don’t seem to remember him. “You don’t…remember?” 

You put a hand over your mouth laughing, “Oh my god, of course I remember you! We were such great partners wow how could I forget!”

“I don’t know if we were..we got barely over a passing grade for the project.”, he said, scratching the back of his head. 

Well shit.

You definitely forgot Soobin thought to himself, which made him a bit annoyed. Okay, not a bit. A lot. You ruined his grade in the class and now all of a sudden you don’t remember? God, he was trying his best but you were more than pretentious. He regrets not pressing Beomgyu more for the name of his blind date before coming. 

“I’m sorry, can I excuse myself to the bathroom?”, you all of a sudden say. He nods, trying to put up a polite smile. 

Okay, no you weren’t going to ditch him yet. You were actually going to the bathroom. You needed to sort yourself out. And dig, really deep (okay, not that deep. It was last semester for goodness sakes) in your brain and actually confirm what the guy has been spewing. 

Soobin? Project? Soobin and project. Soobin…and a failed chemistry project. 

Oh god. 

He was that awkward kid? The one who refused to send notes to you? You vaguely remember for a few weeks him being in the background while you would smooch with Yeonjun in the library. Yikes. Should you just leave then and there? Because it just got even more awkward with this context now in your head. 

Oh but then you remember even more, the more you go down memory lane (again, this was just a semester ago). You remember something very unpleasant – you yelling at him for making you fail the course. Oh god no. That was the time you had a fight with Yeonjun, you remember being at the edge every minute of the day…then you finally snapped when getting the grade you received for your semester end project. 

You also remember him yelling back at you, seemingly confused at your outburst talking about how you were never focused. And you weren’t, you were all over Yeonjun. Jesus, how could you forget this?

Can you really just leave now? Guilt was eating you up (embarrassment even more). 

Ultimately you decided you couldn’t just ditch— and instead of just outwardly apologizing you’d be the bigger person in a different way.

“Your name is really pretty by the way. Like it totally fits your face.” You hope he doesn’t notice the sudden change in your tone and way of speaking, but even if he does it doesn’t matter too much anyway.

“Uh.. thanks..?”

Could he at least appreciate your efforts? There wasn’t much to compliment him on, god. Even his outfit was stale, lazy and boring. Okay–stop, you were a bitch to him before you need to be nice now.

“No problem!”, you say chirply clasping your hands together. Okay, maybe you were overdoing it a bit.

“W-we should order though.”, he felt like a complete loser for letting out a random stutter but you thankfully didn’t seem to notice and just nod in agreement. 

After ordering from the very limited menu, you both decided to order pho and a cup of water. Not the most romantic but at this point, none of you were seeking that anymore. 

And the wait begins. You look around the restaurant trying to think of a conversation starter – Soobin doesn’t seem like he’s making that much of an effort. But does that even surprise you anymore? Not really, even with the extremely short time you’ve spent on this date (and the bits you could remember from working on the project)..you could tell he wasn’t one to talk much. 

“What type of music do you listen to?”, your sudden question you could tell, caught him a bit off guard. It’s a classic, boring conversation starter. You could almost predict exactly what he would s–

“A little bit of everything.”

Expected.

“Oooh! Interesting!”, faking your reactions is becoming second nature throughout this date so you decide to trip him up a bit, “What are your favorite artists?” He’d have to think about this one and not give a bland, generic answer. You got him now!

“I don’t have one.”

Ha.

Just great.

“Wow, interesting. Okay. What’s your favorite color?”, you decide to change topics and jump right into another boring “conversation starter” if you could even call it that. 

You’re begging he’d just give you some random color instead of–

“I don’t have one.”

“What do you think is the purpose of life?” At this point, you’re just badgering him with generic questions like you were in some investigation room. You can’t help that that’s how the atmosphere turned to, he just wouldn’t ask questions back. Can’t he help you out one bit? Should you even stay here any longer? Because you think you paid your due for acting like a bitch a few months ago. 

“What?”, the sudden topic change was extreme this time, philosophical questions can’t be answered with generic stale answers…(well they can but Soobin thinks otherwise, he's a geek). 

Thankfully for Soobin, the waiter came with two glasses of water on a tray. He mouthed a thank you, and took a hold of the water to slowly sip it. Avoiding any more conversation with you. 

For someone he’d hear was confident and outspoken, you really seemed to be struggling to keep a conversation going. Or even starting in the first place. It’s not like you even communicated with him that much during the five weeks you worked on the project – this was not any less than that. 

It seemed like you were dried out from questions so you kept quiet, something he’s grateful for. 

He did, however, want to ask questions. Like, what happened to your boyfriend? That one seems to be the one that his brain is most curious about. Because how could he forget you rambling on and on literally a day before the presentation about how perfect he was. You were supposed to go over the entire presentation together but you just couldn’t shut up about him – Soobin almost thought your personality might’ve just revolved around your boyfriend. Maybe that was why you were struggling with talking? Or maybe it was his attempt at being difficult (and the subconscious grudge he had against you).

“Why’re you staring at me?”

Your voice caught him off guard and he realized he mindlessly was looking at you while thinking. God, he wants to punch himself right in the face right now. 

“Sorry. I was just thinking.”, he said, managing to put up a smile.

“About?”

Okay. He didn’t expect that follow up question. What was he supposed to say? Quick. Because he couldn’t reveal how he was judging you a few seconds ago.

“About my pet!”, you raise up a questioning brow, “I left him home with my friend so I’m just wondering how he’s doing.” his voice goes significantly lower than the panicked answer he gave at first. He hopes whatever he just said was convincing.

“You have a pet?” and now all of a sudden, your interest has peaked. It was the most interesting thing you’ve ever heard him say throughout this date. 

“Yeah, I do.”

Before you could ask what pet he has, the familiar waiter comes with a tray of two bowls of pho. “Enjoy eating! You look like a…couple!”

God. Even the waiter can tell you guys don’t match at all. The hesitance that came with couple was kind of comical though, so you bite away a laugh.

Silence filled the room, figuratively because all around you were conversations upon conversations, it was really loud. But jeez, another round of silence had visited you and Soobin. The initial question you wanted to ask was also long forgotten as you dug into the food. 

When Soobin decides to take a quick glance at you just for the sake of it, he really was about to let out a gasp. On top of your head was...a fucking spider. A spider. How the heck does a spider find its way into your hair let alone a five star restaurant?

“Um…Y/N..”, he contemplates for a second, then reaches the final conclusion to not tell you. But you already turned your attention from your half finished bowl to him. 

Nope, he can’t tell you. At all. Especially when he remembers you crying and wailing about…a baby cockroach in his dorm room. 

He gets up to muster up the courage and take it off your head quickly. Your eyes follow his figure as he gets up from his seat.

“There’s something on your head.”, he whispers. He swings his hand right above your head to get the spider off, but as all everyone knows. This date was horrible to begin with, what wouldn’t give for it to go even more horrible? 

Yup. He accidentally hits your head — and knowing how big his hands are, he’s sure he’d get an assault charge against him right now.

“What the FUCK OW.”, your hand immediately goes to your head.

Surprisingly, the restaurant was loud enough to drown out your small outburst. 

Did this man just slap your head? You were done. You were leaving.

“I swear I was just trying to get off the spid-”, he tries to explain but it was too late. He made a mistake of pointing at the little creature while speaking and your eyes caught the spider on your shoulder. The moment of panic that he saw flash in your eyes made him think this was going to go worse than it already was.

Before it does, he tries to take action and actually get the spider off of you. By now, some people were looking over at you guys' table. God. How embarrassing could this get?

You were frozen, which he thought would help him aim at the spider more accurately…but somehow as he attempts to swing at the spider again, his hand accidentally hits the bowl in front of you and he can hear gasps spread throughout the restaurant. The warm pho splashing onto your lap and staining your dress. 

Oh, how Soobin wishes he could just perish and die.

You wish the same. For both you and him, but mostly him.

You almost felt like laughing bitterly — but you didn’t want to look like a maniac. So, you kept it to yourself. Several staff immediately ran over to you and asked to assist you with cleaning yourself up but you kindly declined. After a few persistent offers, they finally give it up and tell you they’d refill your pho. You couldn’t refuse because they just left without you getting a word in response. Guess another bowl of food will go to waste – the humanist part of you suffers in silence. 

“I’m going to the bathroom.” Soobin was still kind of frozen on whatever just happened but he still nods slowly. You get a hold of your bag.

Yep, time to ditch. Now you wouldn’t even feel bad for doing it, guess this worked out well. 

But first, you actually do need to go to the bathroom. You had to dry out the liquid on your dress and clean up your legs. 

It doesn’t take long before you finally give up on trying to clean up your dress, it was dry, that was good enough. You pull out your phone from your bag to text Karina snippets of what just happened (like you usually do)..but then your eyes widen at a notification you thought you’d never receive. 

Loml <3 : taehyun’s throwing a party next week, you should come (5:39pm)

Yeonjun? 

God, why the fuck have you blocked every single one of his socials (including his gmail) except for his phone number?

And why the hell is he texting you so casually? Like you guys didn’t just break up a week ago ? And inviting you to a party at that?

It frustrates you so much, mind boggles you at that, to the point you go and unblock his instagram account. It didn’t take much for you to keep him blocked, huh?

You see the purple-ish circle surrounding his profile picture, you take a quick breath, then click on it. And of course, you just had to see the same girl under his arms in the selfie he posted. All you saw was red. Just plain red. Did he really move on? This fast? You couldn’t even bring yourself to let out tears. Because all you were thinking were pathetic pathetic thoughts.

You wanted nothing but to be the girl under his arms. Those were the thoughts you were having. Not “he betrayed me” and not “he's a dick” and definitely not “I hate him”. The moment that realization finally sinks in, you turn around from the door you were about to walk out from and back to the table you were eating dinner on. 

Okay. So. You were definitely not expecting an empty table. And a yellow sticky note attached to it. 

Got food poisoning so gotta go. Paid for the food, sorry about ruining your dress. 

You scoff. Did he just ditch you? With a sticky note? And a stupid lie? Okay, granted you were about to do the same thing with less formalities but still. 

He couldn’t have gotten that far. And so you ran out the door— you were right. He was literally right there. It was easy to spot his red neon hoodie. 

“Soobin!”, you call out. And he doesn’t turn around — actually, he starts walking faster away from you. Fucking bitch. 

“Soobin! Stop!”

What started off as fast walking became running. And now you’re practically chasing after him, with your heels. “Soobin! You fucking BITCH!”

“I’m sorry!”, he yells anxiously, almost running out of breath. He wasn’t fit for running. But why weren’t you giving up??? Were you going to kill him? The passion of anger scares him.

Nowhere in his head was he planning to stop running though..or at least not until he hears a thud. You fell.

He has conscious and humanity in him, for god sakes he wasn’t just going to keep running and leave you on the dirty floor so he immediately turns. Curse his kindness. He finds that you weren’t that far from him so it doesn’t take long to go to you and bend down to hold out a hand. 

“God, why would you run in heels? Are you okay?”

Seeing that you weren’t responding nor were there any signs of you taking his hand, he searches his pocket for any spare bandaids he has. And thank god he does. 

One of your knees was scrapped, it wasn’t bleeding too much but he knows it probably hurts like hell. He gets on his knees to put it on, and thankfully, it manages to cover the scrapped area pretty well. 

Then he feels drops get on his hand. It wasn’t raining, no—you were crying. 

“What? So you just have a random sticky note pad on you and bandaids?”

“Yeah…I shove things in this hoodie’s pockets all the time. It's a useful habit.”, he decides to focus on putting on the bandaid instead of asking questions. 

“Huh. Then what about your food poisoning. All good now?”

He gulps sharply, “sorry.” was all he managed to say. 

“That’s it?”

He finished putting on the bandaid, so now he's just on the ground of a dirty street with you. People were definitely giving you guys weird looks — so he eventually gets up. 

“Why did you run after me?”, he finally decides to ask, holding out a hand again. If you were going to ask questions, so would he.

This time, you don’t ignore his hand. It was cold, but soft. A starking contrast to your warm callused hands. “I need you to be my pretend boyfriend.”, you casually say, secretly appreciating him helping you up. 

That is, until he just lets you go halfway you were up. Now you were back on your ass, the back of your head almost hitting the ground. And fuck, it hurt like hell.

[dancingintheraindreamingonday]

Adoration - Part 3

Summary: You are loosing your control and things are going bad...

Warnings: non, just fluff and feels

Pairing: Bucky x angel!reader

Author’s note: Thank you to everyone who’s reading my story. Currently going through a tough time, so your kind words are making me indescribable happy. English is not my first language but I hope you will enjoy it anyways. :D

Part 1 and Part 2 

Bucky didn’t sleep well this night. He lay down in his room and soon fell asleep but his nightmares were already waiting for him. He watched the Starks begging for their lives. A young and innocent man trying to get into his hotel room- scared for his life. Suddenly the surrounding changed and Bucky found himself standing in a meadow. The grasses were tickling his hands and he felt the sun shining on his back. „Bet you can’t catch me.“, sang a soft voice and Bucky looked for the source of the voice. He narrowed his eyes to a slit as he tried to focus on a person. Bucky saw a woman waving at him. Her long hair was blowing in the wind but he couldn’t see her face. Bucky knew this place. He has been here before. He started running towards the woman but she ran away, he heard her laughing. He almost reached her but suddenly she faded away. The sky darkened and an uneasy feeling settled in Bucky. „I can’t see you, I can’t feel you. Buck, where are you?“ The soft voice sounded desperate, almost like crying. „I’m here. I’m here.“, he screamed. The wind got stronger and he had problems standing. „I’m here.“, he whispered. 

Bucky woke up soaked with sweat. The alarm let him know that he only slept for half an hours even though it felt like an eternity. His hands were hiding his face, trying to catch his breath. As his feet hit the ground he was greeted with coldness ensuring him that he was back to reality. He trotted to the red couch in the common room, hoping that you were right and that he can sleep on it without having nightmares. 

You were laying on your bed, sleeping restlessly. You were back in heaven, surrounded by dozen of angels all observing you with interest. A man was chained in the middle. You squinted your eyes to try to identify his face but you couldn’t. „I can’t. I can’t do it. I love him.“, you said, dropping your sword. A loud voice was mocking you. „Love? We are angels. Archangels. We don’t love. We adore Him and only him. You know the consequences, (y/f/n).“. You nodded. A murmur went through the crowd. „You won’t be welcome here anymore. You will be a fallen. You will forget most of this and you will forget him.“, The voice is hard and unsympathetic. „I accept the consequences. Just… spare his life.“

You woke up, breathing hard. You didn’t dream, you remembered. Your head was aching tremendously and your throat was dry like the dessert. You decided to spend the night on the couch but you realized that it’s already preoccupied by a handsome man. 

„I thought, you don’t dream?“, said Bucky, opening his eyes. „I don’t. I just remembered something from the past.“ He threw back the covers and patting on the couch to his left, indicating that you can sleep there too. „I don’t want to invade your personal space.“, you said. „I will just go back to my room.“

„Don’t be silly. C’mere. The couch is big enough for both of us.“ You grinned and lay down. „For an angel, you have really cold feet.“, 

„Sorry.“ You snuggled into Bucky, definitely invading his personal space but calming down as soon as you smelled him. Bucky was your drug and you were addicted to him. „Do you want talk about what you dre… I meant,  remembered?“, he asked, caressing your hair. „I remembered my trial. It was horrible.“ Your hand clutched on Bucky’s shirt. „What about you?“

Bucky looked outside the window „I can’t remember my dream.“ He lied.

The next morning, Bucky woke up from a dreamless sleep, only to find your hand clenched to his shirt. Sweat had formed on your forehead and your face was twisted in pain. „(Y/f/n).“, Bucky tried to wake you up. „(Y/f/n), wake up. Wake up!“, His voice got louder and more desperate. Steve stormed into the room. Bucky looked helpless as he shook you. „She isn’t waking up.“ He screamed

You began glowing, finally opening your eyes..

You fell on your knees, your long (y/h/c) hair were hiding your face. A small silver diadem was on your head. You didn’t wear your pajamas anymore, instead a long white, silvery dress

A long and heavy sword laid next to you. But the most intimidating thing were your wings. Bucky was shocked and perplexed. They were gigantic, reaching the ceiling and went from one side of the room to the other. The wings were white with small golden sprinkles but the tips were ebony. He had never seen something so beautiful. You pressed your hands on your face. „Something’s wrong. I can’t control it.“ You sobbed 

Bucky walked slowly towards you and kneeled to look directly in your face. 

He touched your cheeks softly in an attempt to calm you.

You couldn’t see Bucky anymore. Instead you were sitting on gras. Another person was there, but you couldn’t see his face, even thought he was so close. „It’s my last day here. Tomorrow I’m going to war.“ The voice sounded proud, but also extremely devastated. „I wish we had more time.“ You said. „We will. When I come back, I’ll never ever leave you again.“ He said, taking something out of his pocket. „If I could, I would marry you right away… You know that, don’t you? But I want to give you the wedding you deserve. I want to be the man you deserve. So, (y/f/n), I’m asking you to wait for me and I’ll promise to give you the life you deserve.“, The man said, opening his palm. A small thin ring was lying in it. It had a tiny stone in the middle. „It’s beautiful.“, You blushed. „I would wait an eternity to be with you.“ You kissed him softly. 

The picture changed again. „Throw that pathetic ring away. You’re delusional and acting childish. Forget it. Forget him.“ You weren’t on earth anymore. You played with the ring every time you felt lonely which made your brothers and sisters aware of it. „I will.“ You answered the commanding voice. You took off the ring, but instead of throwing it away you morphed the ring into a small necklace. You put on the necklace and hid it beneath your dress's collar. 

You blinked, finally gaining your control. Your hand searched for the small necklace on your neck. Relief went through your body as you found it. Slowly your sword and your wings disappeared. You leaned against Bucky’s broad chest as you looked like the girl minutes ago. „I’m loosing my mind, Buck.“, you mumbled and then being greeted by darkness as you passed out. 

Bucky carried you to the couch and lay you softly down. „What happened?“, Nat and Steve looked expectantly in Bucky's direction but he just shook his head. „I… I have absolutely no idea.“

„Maybe I can help?“ Said a fancy voice. A woman stood in the entrance. She was tall with brown-chestnut hair that were put in a neat bun. 

„My name is Rahel. I’m here for protection. I’m like her.“, She explained, nodding her head in your directions

„Do you know her?“ Bucky didn't trust her and he wouldn’t allow her to come any closer to you.

„Well not personally but she’s an icon. Her story is legend. 

(Y/f/n) was one of the four most powerful archangels. She fought in every war, sometimes leading the soldiers. She was extremely powerful and kind. After the rebellion she started to visit earth more often to learn more about humans and humanity. And then on one mission she walked into this man. Well he was more of a boy back then.“ Rahel laughed like she was there when it happened. „It was love at first sight. She stayed on earth for months. But both were soldiers- she was needed in heaven and he was going to war as well. However, she always kept an eye on him. And when he was in a life-threatening situation she came to save him. She left her position to safe him. When other men came she thought he’d be safe but they were evil. They captured him and she was absolutely miserable. She tried to ease his pain with her powers but one day she decided to end this torture. So as he was fighting against ... well ... the  good guys she made sure that those would recognize him and help him. And they did. The archangels were furious. She wasn’t just ignoring her war but she was also changing destiny. They burned out her memories of him and gave her two options. Kill him and stay in heaven or spare his life and fall.“ 

„So you know who he is?“ Steve was suspicious of this woman, not entirely trusting her either.

„Of course. Every angel does.“

„Tell us.“ Bucky commanded but she smiled smugly

"No. I can’t and I won’t. Forgetting him his her punishment. I can’t ignore the instruction.“

Rahel was slowly walking towards you. „I can feel her inner disunity. She is trying to remember but she won’t find more memories of him in her mind. They aren’t there anymore.“ She touched you on your forehead that made you wince. Bucky was rushing towards you but Rahel was stopping him with her hand.

„No, you stay away from her. It was you that made her lost her control.“ 

„What? Me? I didn’t do anything.“ He said in defensive and insulted.

„Your soul is calm but your mind is pure chaos. You will trigger her. She’s in a very sensible state right now.“

Bucky felt horrible. He was the one that made her relive her worst moments. 

You slept for more than a week in your room till you woke up. Your headache was killing you and your whole body hurt. 

„Are you going somewhere?“ You were shocked to see Bucky with a packed backpack sitting on the couch waiting for something.

„You’re up.“ His relief was indescribable but you were crossing your arms.

„I’m leaving for Wakanda. They offered me to get better. And that’s a chance I’m definitely going to take.“

„Without saying goodbye?“ You were hurt that he wanted to leave while you were passed out. You had the feeling that he was stealing himself away. 

„I…I didn't want to hurt you again.“ He whispered.

„You never hurt me before, Bucky.“ You wanted to touch him but he took a step backwards.

„No. You can’t touch me. Rahel said, that I was the reason for you to be in pain and I'm sorry for that.“

„Rahel said that? Interesting…“, you said this more to yourself. „Buck, I can assure you that you were not the reason. If anything you were the reason to calm me.“ You tried to assure him but he didn’t look convinced.

„I want to give you something.“ You unlocked your necklace and put it on Bucky.

„I’ve heard that humans believe in lucky charms. So maybe this could be yours? It may or may not have a bit angel power in it.“ You smiled.

„It’s beautiful.“ he said as he touched the small pendant.

„I will become a good man.“ He promised; omitting the words For you 

„You already are a good man.“

„Can I kiss you goodbye?“ You nodded. Bucky leaned down. He pressed his hard lips on your soft ones. You closed your eyes, hands resting on his broad shoulders. He wrapped his arms around your waist, securing you and pulling you closer to him.

„Wait for me, yeah?“ He whispered against your lips. 

„I would wait an eternity for you.“ You answered, getting the feeling that you have said those words before.

Bucky, Steve and Rahel arrived in Wakanda the next day. Over the past week Bucky got the feeling that Rahel and Steve got closer, that Steve trusted this chick even though they knew nothing about her.

Bucky lay down as Shuri was running some tests. „Is the girl outside the room your girlfriend?“, she asked curiously. Bucky was surprised. He turned to his left only to see Rahel’s eyes fully trained on him. „No, she’s just an acquaintance.“ Bucky answered, mindlessly playing with the necklace. „Ah, I get it. The girl who gave you that is your girlfriend.“, She nodded with her head to his necklace, smiling sincerely.

When Steve and Rahel came back from Wakanda you were already waiting for them. Your sword lay next to you but otherwise you looked normal. 

As Rahel walked through the door you held your sword’s blade against her throat

"Who are you?“ Steve had never heard so much authority and power in your voice.

„(Y/f/n) what are you doing?? That’s Rahel. She helped you.“ He said shocked

„I may have forgotten a lot of things but I know that Rahel died years ago in the big war. You locked me into my mind for a week and you told Bucky that it was his fault. So, I’m asking you again. Who are you? Reveal yourself!“, you commanded.

„Good to know that you haven’t forgotten everything, sister.“ Rahel’s beautiful face changed and a man was standing in her spot. Steve looked disturbed and disgusted while pursing his lips.

„Nathaniel, what are you playing at?“ 

„To make sure that history isn’t repeated. That you come to your senses and face the consequences. There is war up there and its entirely your fault.“ He shouted angrily.

„What? What war?“

„Like a civil war. Angels against Angels. Adoration versus human love. You choosing a mere human over heaven had dozen of consequences. You are a constant danger, a constant threat to heaven. You are the face of the revolution and I will no longer allow it.“ Before he could touch his weapon your sword already cut his throat. Orange light shone brightly and then it and his body disappeared. 

“What the heaven?!”

@jessyballet​  @geek-and-proud​ @xlostinobsessionsx​ @cataves​ @intothesoul​ @beminetokeep @ebxny27 @ceo-of-daichi​ @bluemoon-icecream-blog​ @peterbparkersbae​ @bbl32

[pomegranates-and-blood]

Hrygð (Ivar’s PoV)

νοσταλγία Masterlist

Hrygð: affliction, grief, sorrow (Old Norse)  

Pairing: Ivar/Reader

Summary: A night post Chapter 45. I told ya Ivar was under a lot of pressure from the Greeks being around, and he does stupid shit under pressure.

Word Count: 4.9k

Warnings: The usual for the story, plus mentions/descriptions of dead bodies, allusions to murder, hallucinations. My best attempt at writing a downward spiral. And oh, THE ANGST. Yes, bold, italic, capital letters angst. It warrants it, believe me.

A/N: So, I promise this makes sense when you get to the end. Trust me.

You wait for him in your bedroom, he knows you do.

He wishes he could walk inside and tell you he regrets it, he wishes the Greek blood staining his hands were something he wanted to wash off.

But he doesn’t.

They didn’t leave him any choice, they forced his hand. He couldn’t let them take you from him, he couldn’t let anyone take you from him.

If he has to deal with your rage, then so be it. You will be angry, and you will grieve, but you will understand, Ivar knows you will.

When he walks in, there is no rage, and that does unbalance him. It makes grow in his chest what a weaker man would call fear, to see you so deadly still.

You don’t turn around, leaving him to look at the straight line of your back, leaving him with nothing to read in you except your voice when slowly, expectantly even though you know the answer, you ask, “What did you do to them, Ivar?”

“They were a threat and you kn-…”

“What did you do to them?” You interrupt. When you turn around, the first thing he notices is the stains the dirt left on your dress. He tells himself that is the first thing he notices, because he refuses to admit he notices the redness in your eyes, the tremble in your lip. “What did you do to my people?”

“They aren’t your people. The people of Kattegat are your people.”

You shake your head, resolute, unwavering. It grips tight at his heart, the way you seem to be unmovable, the way you feel locked away from him somewhere he can’t reach.

Anger burns at him from the inside, bubbling under his skin and making his grip on the crutch tighten until he fears it will break. You made him do this, he did this for you, and now you will turn your back to him?

“I will always be their daughter before I am your wife, you know that. You know before there was a ring on my finger there was Greek blood running through my veins,” Your voice starts to rise, your anger breaking past the cold distance of your disdain; and he almost feels relief at the sight of your rage. “The same blood you have spilled.”

“You made me do it!” He yells, uncaring with how your eyes widen in affront. He wants you to be angry, he wants you to fight. He cannot stand the thought of doing something that makes you surrender. “You let them get close, you-…I know you will choose them over me, over everything I have given you!”

You walk closer, deliberately slowly.

“Everything you have given me!?” You repeat, disbelieving. “You have given me chains, Varangian, nothing more than that!”

His breath stutters and gets stuck on his throat, and Ivar can only look at you with wide eyes.

Varangian.

The fight leaves him, the fire leaves him. He remembers what that feels like, the useless struggling as air is unavailable and useless lungs slowly suffocate him no matter how much he fights against it, he remembers what it is like to be tied to a mast and dragged down to the depths in the inescapable grasp of Rán’s net. It feels exactly like this.

You continue attempting to ignore him, but he won’t be overlooked, he refuses. It is maddening, because he…he believed that was over. He has lived with the uncaring glances, the irrelevance, all his life; and now things are supposed to be different. They have to be, he is better now, he is King, he…

“I must tend to the wounded, Varangian.” You tell him, returning your gaze, your attention, to your work.

Grabbing onto that knife feels like relief, feels like control. When the drops of blood hit the floor, he feels his lips tremble into a mad smile he has to bite back.

By force if you make it so, by fear if he has to, but he won’t be ignored.

Ivar feels like his head is filled with noise, and he stumbles back, catching himself on a wooden post. Dazedly, he thinks he remembers sitting on the ground before that pillar, with you sitting between his legs, your back against his chest, as he taught you to throw knives and watched you fail miserably.

Varangian.

He shakes his head, or he thinks he does. He isn’t sure of that. He isn’t sure of anything, really.

He isn’t even sure that memory of you in his arms is real.

You lift your hands between you, the rattling of chains making him grit his teeth.

“I refuse to die a Varangian’s prisoner.”

Your eyes are burning with a disgust he is familiar with, though not when it comes to you, and that is what makes him want to make you pay for looking at him that way.

So, he chuckles, mocking you and your anger, and your pride. He’d rather have you hate him, if that is all he will have.

“You think you have a choice.”

Voice rough, he orders, “Do not call me that.”

Varangian, Varangian, Varangian, it rattles inside his head. Taunting him, mocking him.

“That is what you are to me,” You retort coldly, cruelly, “That is all you will ever be. The Varangian that took me from my people, that slaughtered them!”

Ivar stops by the door, gripping tightly onto the crutch by his side. Slowly, he asks you to repeat yourself, dares you to.

But he should know the kind of woman you are by now, he should know you are too stubborn to keep your mouth shut. He wishes he could hate that about you.

“You need my consent for us to be married, Varangian,” You state proudly, standing up. He turns to face you, gritting his teeth, and you continue, “I am a free woman, you can’t force me. You won’t break a promise, so you won’t make me a slave.”

Ivar feels the familiar burn of anger and resentment, a pointless and pathetic hope dying somewhere, and he steps forward. He refused to tell you about your mother’s deal with him, but now you’ve forced his hand.

If you ask, he will tell you he hid it for this long because you wouldn’t believe him, but if he’s honest with himself, he knows he did it because he held the stupid hope that marrying him could somehow be your choice.

“I am your husband.” He corrects you. When your eyes are drawn to it, he notices his hand not on the crutch clenched into a fist.

You slowly lift your gaze to him, and demand, “I want you to tell me what you did to them. I want to hear it.”

You don’t, but he was never one to refuse a challenge.

Ivar steps forward, a deep thrust of the crutch against the wooden floor that he didn’t intend to make you flinch, but finds himself almost satisfied that it does. If nothing else, he will take fear.

He will take fear, he will take hatred. Anything but indifference, anything but that distance, that coldness.

“Our men attacked while they were sleeping, lit their homes aflame. Most died screaming, burned alive,” It is a lie, it was just iron and arrows that ended the Greeks, but he knows what will make it more painful. “The ones that ran out were struck down, forced to watch. Happy?

You stay silent, eerily silent. Tears run down your face when you close your eyes, but there’s a jarring kind of peace to your expression as you accept his words that makes Ivar feel like the ground isn’t solid under his feet.

“Answer me!”

“You betrayed me.” You tell him, and he hates it, he hates the way your voice has no tone to it, even the accent seems gone for a moment. He hates the way he made you sound dead.

But no, no, this isn’t his fault. You forced his hand, you and those Greeks.

You have to understand that it isn’t his fault.

“And what are you going to do, hm?” He dares, and he isn’t sure what he wants to hear as an answer. He isn’t sure if it is the part of him that wants more than anything to hear that this is something he can fix that makes him ask you that, or if it is the part of him that has always known you would turn your back to him at the end that does.

Whatever the answer is, it is better than this silence.

You shake your head, though he isn’t sure if it is at his question or at your own thoughts.

“I don’t want to fight anymore, Ivar,” You confess breathily. When your hands join together in front of you, he can’t help but notice you aren’t twirling your wedding ring on your finger as you usually, do, but clawing at the edges of it, as if trying desperately to take it off, though you don’t attempt to. “I do not want to fight you.”

He does. Still, he walks closer, his free hand reaching for you.

Ivar cups the back of your head, noting the way you lean tiredly into the caress and finding his breathing gets a little easier at that simple gesture.

“Can you forgive me?” He asks, though he knows he shouldn’t. He still doesn’t regret it.

Your lips pull into a trembling smile, “I have no choice, do I?”

Instead of giving you an answer, Ivar brings you to him and kisses you deeply, letting himself believe when your breaths are one that everything is as it was, or that it will be, somehow.

Brow pressed against yours, he studies your features carefully, noting the strain in your expression even as your eyes remain closed.

“I love you.” He whispers, and he knows you are aware it is a pathetic and desperate request to hear it back, but he doesn’t much mind anymore.

Your eyes search his, bloodshot and tired and defeated, and he knows he is the reason why. He knows, and it tears at whatever is left of his heart, but he still cannot regret what he did.

The silence deafens him, and he grits his teeth to keep at bay desperation made words.

Say it back, even if you don’t mean it. Lie to me if you have to.

A few quick blinks as if to dispel any tears, and you offer the faintest of smiles. Your hand lifting to cup the side of his face lets him breathe easy, and Ivar doesn’t bother stopping himself from leaning into the caress, the softness.

He hasn’t lost that yet, he hasn’t lost you.

“And I love you,” You tell him. He can pretend your voice doesn’t break halfway through; he can do that, and he can pretend everything is as it was, especially when you press a gentle kiss against his lips and whisper, as if nothing had changed, “More than anyone, more than anything.”

____

When Ivar first wakes up with his arm stretched over the empty space where you should be, he keeps his eyes closed, knowing he will soon hear your soft footsteps as you go about the room, hear you cursing to yourself in your native tongue as you skip over the cold wood, hear you poutingly asking that he move to the colder side of the bed to leave room for you.

He tells himself to wait, and he does, for so long he can no longer pretend the empty side of the bed is still warm in your absence.

Ivar opens his eyes half-expecting to see you there, sitting silently by the dim fires, lost in your own thoughts. When you see he is awake, you will return to bed with him, with your always slightly-cold skin pressed against his, and it will stave off the bubble of fear that is growing in his chest, leaving no room for his lungs to breathe or his heart to beat.

You aren’t there, you are nowhere he can see, even as he sits up on the bed and looks around the darkened room.

But you wouldn’t leave, you wouldn’t leave him. He knows that.

He asked you once, demanded out of you maybe, that you promised to never turn your back to him, to never lie to him; and you gave it, you gave him your word and your trust and your heart and…and he still has them, all of those.

You wouldn’t leave him, you love him. You told him you did, and you don’t lie to him.

So, he calls your name. You’re probably on the other part of the room, moving the weakest of plants you continue to insist on taking care of towards the windows so they can soak up the sunlight.

You will hear him call for you, and you will return, muttering about how it was a mistake to try planting those seeds from the East this far into winter. You will burrow close to his chest, seeking his warmth, and he will wrap his arm around you and everything will be as it was, everything will be as it should be.

But it isn’t, it won’t be.

You are nowhere to be found.

He finds you, eventually. The old bedroom you used to occupy before you were married to him, the one that you still lose yourself in sometimes, with the tougher plants that need less frequent care from you.

One of the thralls told him you had gone there sometime during the night, and hadn’t come out yet. Ivar knows what he did is wrong, and he knows…he knows it will be difficult for you to forgive him, but he will convince you to return to the bedroom you share. He hates the idea of sleeping without you by his side.

He opens the door with his free hand, walking in and immediately recognizing the familiar scent of lavender. It is comforting, more than he would like to admit.

Until he sees you.

There lays the bloodied and lifeless body, blade embedded deep in the chest, round handle of the knife almost hidden in the bloodied folds of the dress. The knife he gifted you, so long ago.

I do not fear death, no Hiereia of the Dread Gods fears death, you told him once.

He has always known you’d prefer death before chains, he has always known above anything else you would choose your freedom.

“N-No, no, no,” Shaking hands drag him to you -he doens’t know when he fell to the floor-, and the way your body lolls lifelessly when he holds you to him makes him feel like vomiting. All that leaves him are choked gasps, he isn’t sure if the ragged and roughened sound that he hears is his voice, but it seems like it. “No, p-please, I-…”

He doesn’t know what he is talking to, he surely cannot talk to you since you are…

No, it isn’t you.

The shape of her nose is wrong, and the color of her eyes, even past the veil of death, is wrong. Everything, once he can actually think clearly, looks wrong about her.

She isn’t you.

He is going to lose his mind, he is sure of it.

Ivar moves away from her, from…it, but the way she still resembles you so strikingly makes him sick, and the sound the body makes as it stiffly falls from his lap to the cold wood rattles inside his head.

He closes his eyes, focuses on breathing. She smells like lavender, like you, and…yes, he is sure he will lose his mind here.

Ivar doesn’t know how much time it passes, how long he stays there in that room with a dead woman. He knows at some points he forgets it isn’t you, and at he knows when he remembers it isn’t that he realizes this is your last message to him.

By the end of the day, Ivar stumbles back into an empty bedroom after standing for so long as they celebrated a funeral for a woman that lives and breathes, but even as darkness presses ruthlessly against the dim lights of the room, he refuses to get in the bed to sleep.

He will not lay alone in that damn bed again. Not until you return to him.

And you will.

____

He knows you went to them. He knew that, long before they received word from their scouts that you had reunited with the surviving Greeks.

It took them four days to find where you had been, and three days of travelling. Ivar wants to find those responsible for taking this long and punish them for their slowness.

If he could focus on the anger for long enough, he would, but he can’t seem to focus on anything.

“Our faster men can reach that town in a day and a half, let m-…”

“She will come back, brother,” Ivar interrupts, eyes focused on the shape of the snake in the bracelet you left behind. Since he gifted it to you, you haven’t parted it from it, wearing it as often as you can. He knows you wouldn’t leave it behind if you didn’t intend to come back, he knows you left it as a sign to him, a promise that it is only a matter of time. Like the knife he gifted you, it was all a message, he knows it. Ivar swallows thickly at Hvitserk’s silence -it sounds so much like pity, he hates it-, and insists, “She didn’t leave me, didn’t b-betray me.”

“You betrayed me.” You tell him, voice by his ear, a defeated sort of numbness in your voice that he remembers from that last night. Sharply, he turns to you with a gasp that dies on his throat.

But, of course, all that he finds is nothingness.

“Ivar,” Hvitserk calls out, an edge to his voice. He turns to his brother, finds a frown marrying his features. “I can go myself. Let m-…”

“She will come back!” He interrupts again, though it sounds manic even to his own ears. He tries making his body let go of the stillness that makes even breathing difficult, but he can’t. Still, he offers a smile that his brother almost flinches at, and insists, more calmly, “I know my wife better than you, hm? I know…I know her, just-…you’ll see.”

Offering only a sigh, his brother stands up, “At least get some sleep. You haven’t slept in…what, three days?”

Seven.

____

Days continue passing, and almost as a punishment for refusing to accept you are gone, for insisting on not even looking at that damn bed until you are back by his side, Ivar hears your voice more and more often.

Today, you are talkative, and you sound as if you were sitting by his left side in the emptiness of your bedroom. He wishes with your voice also returned the familiar scent of lavender that seemed to accompany you everywhere. He misses that.

“Find a way or make one, but you will always have a choice.”

You told him that before, when you were sanding by his side, and your hand was solid and comforting in his grasp. He wishes he could pretend he still feels the press of your lips on his shoulder from that day, he wishes he could pretend he still feels you next to him.

Still, because it is just him and your absence now, no one left to see he has lost it, he asks the nothingness, “What choice did you leave me with, hm?”

He hears a delicate laugh somewhere at his left, and that is all the answer he gets.

Ivar knows what the people would whisper when he first brought you here, those tales of a half-mad king that lost what was left of his mind to a foreign witch.

He realizes with a laugh that bubbles in his chest but sounds choked when it stutters past his lips, that maybe they were all right. Maybe you did bewitch him, or curse him. Maybe he did lose his mind because of a foreign witch.

Your voice breezes past his ear, this time startling him less, “With all the ways we drive each other mad, you still think the Gods fated this?”

It isn’t the teasing edge of that day, the smile he can hear in your voice isn’t the soft and disbelieving one. There is no warmth to any of it.

It is mocking, it is the disdain he made you queen to avoid facing, it is the coldness of the woman he never wanted to see you lose yourself as.

Your words from that day, the words your ghost -his mind?- spits back at him seem fitting, in a way. A twisted, ironic way, but still.

Because you did drive him mad after all, just not with your presence. With your absence.

Regardless, after nearly two weeks, he realizes you aren’t coming back.

He supposes it shouldn’t have taken that long, but then again there’s a part of him that still dares think this is all some twisted nightmare.

They tell him most of the Greeks, including you, have left with merchant vessels near Eldham towards the Mediterranean, they tell him there is no way to track you down now.

They don’t tell him, but he hears it regardless, that you are lost to him.

Ivar’s eyes are trained on this small and pitiful plant you kept potted near the table where you’d rest against at night as you took off the earrings and jewelry you wore that day.

He cannot take his eyes off this insignificant, withered thing. It almost seems impossible, that it looks like that. You’d spend half a day if you had to looking after these things, making sure they were as vibrant and lively as you could keep them.

It dawns on him that it died in your absence, in the absence he had convinced himself was a passing thing, temporary, inconsequential.

You told him things said aloud are made real, you told him that by will alone he could achieve anything he wanted, and he believed you.

He believed you when you told him those things, just as he believed you when you told him you were staying. Just as he believed you when you told him you loved him.

With a yell that sounds like a roar to his own ears, he puts all his strength behind the movement of his arm as his hand grips the edge of that table, flipping it and throwing the things on it, even that damn plant, across the room.

Almost two weeks without sleep have left him weaker than he would like to admit, and it isn’t easy to move his limbs to stop himself from falling painfully to the ground, the movements too uncoordinated, too sluggish.

Resigned to the cold and hard ground, Ivar turns to lay on his back.

With the silence ringing in his ears, he finds himself asking, “Will you stay?”

If all he has is a ghost, he might as well be on good terms with it.

“Of course I will stay. I wanted to, you know,” You reply somewhere at his right. This is the first time you’ve spoken something you haven’t said before, this is the first time your ghost seems to answer coherently. That is, until you whisper, “If you had asked, I would have said yes.”

The words sound more mocking and crueler than they ever did, though perhaps he was foolish to think they were ever anything other than a reminder of what following his father’s last advice cost him.

Be ruthless, be ruthless, be ruthless.

It echoes in his head, louder and louder each time. At some point he realizes that even if the voice of a ghost gets loud enough that he has to resist the urge to uselessly cover his ears with his hands, it at least drowns out his thoughts, and it silences you.

On the floor by the bed he refuses to even touch since it still doesn’t have you in it, he lets himself sleep for the first time in so long.

____

He wakes suddenly, sitting up on the bed and taking gasping breaths to fill his lungs, eyes wide as he searches the nothingness in front of him.

“Ivar?” You ask, and the bed dips when you move to sit up as well. “Ivar, what’s wrong?”

The plant is alive.

And he cannot take his eyes off it.

It is still a small, pitiful thing, but he cannot look away from it. His breaths quicken as he blinks rapidly, trying desperately to get used to the darkness of the room, needing to see clearly that the damn plant truly is alive.

The more time it passes the more he starts to see it withered and dead, and even as through gasping and frantic breaths he somehow smells the comforting scent of lavender and you, it somehow isn’t enough.

It terrifies him, that he doesn’t know what is real and what isn’t.

He knows what he wants to be real, and it is the bed soft and warm underneath him, the sound of your voice being more than an illusion, the damn plant being alive still. But somehow wanting it to be real makes him think that is the one it isn’t.

“Ivar!” You insist, voice more anxious. Your hand on the side of his face almost makes him flinch, but when you turn his face to you, he can see you there beside him. He lifts a hand desperately to hold your own against his face, lest you stop touching him and disappear. Or he does. He isn’t sure. Your eyes search his, and your thumb runs back and forth over his skin. It’s soothing, more than you could ever know. “It was just a nightmare, love.”

Was it?

You are straddling him, arms wrapped tightly around him, hands running up and down his back. He doesn’t know when you moved, but he is grateful for it.

His hand reaches tentatively for you, still irrationally afraid you will vanish, and when he finds soft skin under his grasp, Ivar feels a breath leaves his lips in something too close to a sob.

“Shh, it is alright,” You whisper, soothingly, though he notices the tremble in your voice. “Just a nightmare. I’m here, it’s alright.”

Yes, of course it was a nightmare. He never attacked the Greeks, you never left him.

He knows that now. It felt so real, though.

He buries his face in the crook of your neck, surrounded by the feel of you and the maddening scent of lavender, and matches his breaths to the cadence of your own, trying to hold on to the calm you so easily offer.

Ivar isn’t sure how much time it passes, it is more than enough for the sweat on his chest and back to have been bitingly cold and now be gone, it is more than enough for his breaths to be back under his own control. It isn’t enough for his hold on you to loosen, but not enough time can pass for that to happen anytime soon.

Laying back down on the bed with you, keeping an arm safely secured around you as you two lay on your sides, Ivar keeps his eyes roaming over your features, uncaring that you do the same -though you are most likely studying for any tell that he still isn’t well, which he isn’t-, taking in the way your eyes soften to accompany the small smile you offer and the familiarly unpredictable way your hair is tussled by sleep.

“Will you tell me about it?”

His answer is immediate, “No.”

Your lips furrow, and he knows you will insist by that alone. Stubborn, insufferable woman.

“Was it about me?”

“I said I don’t want to tell you.” He snaps, but you don’t seem to mind the brashness.

“Whatever it was, it wasn’t real.” You reassure him. He hates the fact that he clings to those words, he hates how they fill him with a relief none of his assurances to himself couldn’t match.

“I know. Stop coddling me, woman.” He grumbles past gritted teeth, prompting only a smile from you.

“You secretly love it,” You tease, leaning close to press a kiss over the scar on his cheek. “What would you do without me pestering you, hm?”

He swallows thickly, and doesn’t answer. Settling a little closer, you meet his eyes again, a tranquility to your gaze he wishes he could find again, and he gathers he can, as long as that adoration and that softness that shine in your gaze don’t go anywhere just yet.

“You should sleep some more. I promise, Melinöe won’t claim you while I’m here,” You offer with a glint in your eye, managing to make his lips pull into a smile. Closing the distance between you, you rub your nose against his before kissing him sweetly, so softly it almost makes Ivar feel he will shatter at the gentleness of it. Breaths one, you promise, “I love you.”

He exchanges seeing you for feeling you, and closes the distance again, claiming your mouth in a short kiss.

Pulling away, Ivar finds himself asking, “Tell me again.”

Without hesitation, you whisper, “I love you, Ivar. More than anyone, more than anything.”

It doesn’t sound like a lie. Even if it is, he doesn’t care.

____ ____ ____

First of all, I’m sorry. Second of all, I hope it made sense. Those of you that read ἀλήθεια know what Ivar was living through, since this was brought to life by @youbloodymadgenius‘ request of an Ivar PoV of the night she left him in Alatheia and the times that came after that. But, because I am one soft bitch, I couldn’t bring myself to write all that hurt without at least some comfort, so...here ya go!

I would love to hear your thoughts on this!

Btw, technically hallucinations as a result of sleep deprivation go from visual to auditory, but fuck it, y’know? I do research to confidently write down useless stuff, yes, but I also do research to stubbornly go against said research for the sake of plot. This time it was the second.

Taglist: @youbloodymadgenius @heavenly1927 @toe-vind-ek-jou @xbellaxcarolinax​ @angelofthorr @samsationalwilson @peachyboneless @1950schick @punkrocknpearls @ietss @itsmysticalmystery @revolution-starter @the-a-word-2214 @fae-sedai @crazybunnyladysworld   @funmadnessandbadassvikings @stupiddarkkside @aprilivar @msrawog @kaitieskidmore1  

[donutloverxo]

Two is better than one

Note- Also my contribution to our weekly challenge based on the moodboard above.

Please do not steal or repost my works. Reblogs are welcome.

Summary- All this shit just because you wanted some of that russian pussy or/ how you navigate a relationship with your new girlfriend and your fiancé.

Warnings- smut, mff threesome, over stimulation, dom/sub dynamics, poly relationship, no romanrogers, angst

Pairing- Steve Rogers x reader x Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers x reader

Word count-6.5k

Masterlist

You had been hanging out with your fiancé’s friends at a bar. It was sort of a post-mission party, a way for everyone to relax and wind down. Steve Sam and Tony had just gotten back from a three week long mission. You had missed Steve terribly. Even though you talked daily it was still hard to not have him be there for you when you got back from work. Steve being the overprotective, sweet, perfect boyfriend that he is asked Nat to look after you while he was gone.

Normally you would've been mad. You’re a grown woman who can take care of herself. You didn’t need a bodyguard or caretaker. But it all worked out amazingly as you got to spend more time with Nat and somehow ended up becoming even better friends. You didn’t even notice when the three weeks were up.

“I bet I’m a better kisser than you” Nat cheekily smiling at Steve.

Everyone else had went home or to another bar. Right now it was just you and Nat in front of Steve in a booth. Somehow you had started talking about his ‘golden boy’ persona and his old school values.

“Yeah?” He returned her smile draping his arm over the back of his seat “I’m willing to bet you’re not”

“There’s only one way to find out” She giggled turning her head to her right to look at you biting her lower lip. You both had had one too many tequila shots.

“It’s only fair. She has already kissed you” You said to Steve referring to the time Nat had kissed him so they wouldn’t blow their cover. He was so sweet fessing up to you as soon as he got back, expecting you to be mad.

Before he could say anything Nat grabbed your chin crashing her lips onto yours. She felt warm and soft. You pressed your fingertips against the curve of her cheekbones. Her lips were just as plump as Steve’s albeit a bit smaller. She slipped her tongue into your mouth as you sighed into the kiss. She pulled away as you both tried to catch your breaths.

You were all silent for a while, Steve staring at the both of you, his lips pressed in a firm line. You couldn’t read his expression, which was strange. Usually you could easily tell what was going on in his mind. You knew how much men were obsessed with lesbians or girl-on-girl things but Steve wasn’t that kind of guy. “So?” he asked you.

“Who’s the better kisser?” Nat gave you a cocky smirk as she assumed she had already won.

“You’re both good...” You paused thinking about the right words to choose “in your own way”

“She’s just trying to spare your feelings Rogers” Nat scoffed.

“She obviously likes me better”

You changed the subject before the situation could escalate anymore. You had to resist the urge to ask Steve who was a better kisser between you and Nat. But you knew he would choose you. Nat sure had left you wanting more. You wished you could pull her in for another breathtaking kiss. You avoided looking at her for the rest of the night so you wouldn’t be tempted.

“Look at that ass” You giggled hanging off of Steve’s shoulder. You were too drunk to walk or to even comprehend what was going on around you. You felt so giddy and high as if you were weightless and on cloud nine. “Such a bubble butt” you tried to give it a nice smack but couldn’t from the awkward angle.

“Bubble butt?” He repeated and chuckled “it’s all yours baby” He said fondly. He punched in the code for your apartment heading straight for the bedroom and gently placing you on the bed.

He kissed your forehead to which you giggled some more. You plopped down on the bed staring at the ceiling which seemed to be spinning at the moment. He returned with your makeup wipes taking your make-up off your face. He always said you didn’t need it but helped you out whenever you wanted to try a new eye shadow. He did work well with colors and brushes.

“Ooh my head hurts” You scrunched your nose at the artificial lemony smell from the wipes.

He opened his mouth as if to say ‘I told you so' but then knew better and closed it running another clean wipe across your face he was done. “All done. You wanna slip into something comfortable?” He asked looking at your tight dress which pushed your breasts up together, giving you a much more prominent cleavage.

He threw the used wipes in the dustbin in your bathroom. You looked at him as he went about his nightly routine. Brushing his teeth washing his face. You reached back struggling to unzip your dress after some attempts you get a hold of the zip pulling it down. The straps fall off of your shoulders as you got rid of your strapless bra kneeling on your bed in just your panties. You started to fondle your breasts to entice Steve, give him a nice show. It had been weeks since you made love. You had to make do with your pink vibrator which wasn’t half as good as the real thing.

His jaw dropped as he looked at you squeezing your breasts together, gasping as you pinched your nipples. “Wanna fuck me daddy?” You moaned slipping your fingers in your panties to play with your clit. Before you could even reach it his hand stopped you holding onto your wrist.

“I don’t think so” He said holding your gaze “I’m not fucking you when you’re this drunk. It’s time for bed come on” he pulled your hand out of your panties and handed you his t-shirt which you often used as a sleep shirt.

“I can do it myself then” You huffed laying down on your side of the bed slipping your fingers between your thighs lightly grazing over your clit. You couldn’t concentrate not with Steve staring at you with his intense blue eyes. You whined pathetically pulling your hand out of your panties and giving up. You’ll get that dick soon enough, you were too tired anyway.

You didn’t need to look him to know he was smirking. You closed your eyes trying hard to sleep. If you aren’t hung over in the morning, which you probably will be, you can sneak in some morning loving from Steve before he goes to work. You felt the heat of his thumb on your hipbone, lingering there for a few seconds before he pulled your panties down. He knew you never liked to sleep with your underwear on.

“You wanna put on the shirt?” He asked to which you whined shaking your head. The silk sheets felt smooth and nicer against your naked skin. He covered you with the comforter switching off the lights, he pulled you into him, draping his arm across your stomach.

After a few minutes you opened your eyes and looked at him to see if he was asleep. You couldn’t really tell in the dark. You softly called out his name to which he gave no answer. “Would you hate me if I loved women like I love you?” you whispered in the dead of the night so lowly you weren’t even sure if you actually said it.

You felt tears streaming down your cheeks. Something you had hid from him since you started dating. You weren’t even sure why. You told yourself it didn’t really matter. You were never going to look at anyone else or think about anyone like that. You had committed your heart to him when you agreed to marry him. You heart now belonged to him.

“I could never hate you sweetheart” He admitted pressing a kiss to your forehead drying your tears off of your cheeks.

Of course he wouldn’t. You were so stupid to think something like this could ever change his feelings for you. Especially since he showed you everyday in so many ways just how much he loved and adored you. You hugged him nuzzling his neck.

“Do you – “ He paused clearing his throat “do you love Nat like that?” He asked speaking into your hair.

“Honestly? I don’t know. I mean I am sort of attracted to her and love her as a friend...” You trailed off.

You always had amazing chemistry with Nat. Well not always. She was kind of standoffish in the beginning. Almost mean to you when she gave you the shovel talk about not hurting Steve or else. Although you understood where she was coming from you decided it would be best to avoid her.

A simple florist like you didn’t have much in common with someone like Nat anyway. But then as you spent more time together you got to know her. A side of her she didn’t show to everyone. Now she was one of the most caring and kind person you know. A stark contrast to her first impression. You would go as far as to say she was your best friend. You did sometimes stared a bit too long at her for it to be considered proper. She was beautiful and graceful in everything she did, almost like a ballerina. But you never thought about those feelings or even let yourself think of her in anyway other than platonically. You would never do that to Steve.

“But I love you. I’ll never let anything come between us” You continued looking up at look at his face.

He was quiet for a while you thought he didn’t want to speak of it anymore ready to go back to sleep you tucked your head under his chin. “Would being with Nat make you happy?”

“I am happy” You spouted instantly. You were on the verge of panicking. This was the last thing you wanted, for Steve to doubt himself and your relationship.

“Would you be happier if you were with Nat?” He wondered.

“All I know is I would be miserable if I’m not with you” You said and left it at that untangling yourself from his arms to sleep on your back.

He hummed at that. “Have you ever been with a woman?”

You resisted the urge to groan. You really were tired. “No. If I had I would’ve told you” You and Steve were each other’s first. You didn’t have any experience with men or women so when Steve when told you he didn’t as well, you were happy, there would be no pressure, no expectations to live up to.

“Would being with a woman – or Nat be different?”

“I don’t know probably” You could think of a million ways it would be different and amazing.

“If it’s something that will make you happy then I want that for you” He explained drawing patterns on your stomach.

You snorted “You?” you had come to know over the course of your relationship that Steve was jealous if anything. He absolutely hated it if another man even looked at you. There was that time when he pulled you into him by firmly gripping your waist, flexing his muscles and trying to act all ‘alpha' to scare the poor guy who was just trying to make small talk.

You would have been mad at him if you didn’t notice the slightest hint of vulnerability in his eyes. He did apologize to you. Confessing that he didn’t feel good enough for you which was beyond ridiculous. Steve was your best guy. Sure his tall and burly physic is what first caught your eye, but even if he didn’t have all that he has now, you’d still love him just as much. He still needed to get that through his thick skull.

He often sulked or pouted for a while when you’d go out with your friends leaving him alone to his own devices. He wasn’t overbearing enough for it to be annoying, but he was possessive enough for it to be almost cute. “You don’t know how to share”

“That’s not true. My Ma always said that sharing is important and made sure to teach me that” He said defensively.

“Sure”

“look I don’t like it when random men flirt with you. They don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve you – “ you opened your mouth to interrupt him but he didn’t give you the opportunity “I trust Nat. She would take as good care of you like I do”

As much as you would’ve liked to say that you don’t need or like to be taken care of, you actually did like it when Steve did it for you. You weren’t sure how you would feel if Nat were to do so.

“Are you sure?” You asked propping yourself up on your elbow. He nodded running his hand up and down the side of your waist. “What if it changes things between us?”

“then we end it” He said gravely which nearly frightened you.

You don’t remember when you dozed off. The next morning you asked Steve if he was still serious about it. Part of you was afraid it was some sort of test to see how loyal you were. Part of you was excited to get to explore a relationship with your crush. He said he'd be willing to give it a shot as long as you were honest with each other.

It was strange of Steve to act so... progressive? If that’s the right word for it. He was stubborn, often not willing to change. But it wasn’t too hard for you to believe that he’d make an exception just for you.

The moment Natasha laid her eyes on you, she knew she was a goner. She wasn’t one to believe in love at first sight, or even love at times. But she knew she felt an instant attraction towards you. Just how sweet and naive you were. So soft, innocent, untainted by the world. She knew you had some sort of feelings for her, she could tell by just how nervous you got when you were around her.

She told herself she would only admire you from far. She had a habit of falling for unavailable people. She had managed to develop some sort of friendship with Steve and she wasn’t willing to jeopardise that.

She was more than surprised when you asked her out. Telling her that Steve was okay with it. And it took a lot to surprise her. She had seen everything. She never pegged Rogers to be someone who would share. She was for the first time at a loss for words. She wished she could see your face while you did it. Just how embarrassed you would be. But you did it over text. She agreed to it. Of course she did she would never say no to such an opportunity.

There you were so shy and nervous as if you were meeting her for the first time. You gave her a single stem of rose. “It reminds me of your fiery red hair” You said looking at the ground.

She was about to make a quip to ask if Rogers told you to say that, considering just how romantic he could be. But she decided to just accept the compliment and the rose. While eating dinner there were some awkward silences but for the most part it was quite pleasant. Nat never really dated. She didn’t have the time or space for it. She never felt the need to anyway. She told herself to not get her hopes up. She was still trying to figure out Steve’s intentions. She knew for a fact he wasn’t a cuckold. He couldn’t be. Although nothings impossible. Nat dropped you off at your apartment door, which was just one floor above hers. She pecked your lips for a quick kiss thanking you for your time and the rose.

Next order of business was to talk to Steve. He had a hard time lying or hiding his emotions, even if he wanted to. Which most of the times he didn’t. He was straightforward, direct, a no nonsense guy. Which was a blatant conflict to how he acted around you. He was still honest, but a lovestruck fool. She supposed that’s what loving someone like you does to a person. She was lucky to catch him while he was on a break. Sparing with a few recruits they were borrowing from the FBI for the time being.

He nodded at her to acknowledge her presence as if urging her to speak. Her curiousity ate away at her. What were his intentions? She knew him enough to know they couldn’t possibly be malicious.

She told him about what a good time she had with you. “how are you okay with this?” She asked.

“I think her hearts big enough for two people” He admitted. There was something about the way he said it, a wistful look in his eyes, how he seemed to try so hard to hide his sadness.

She didn’t really believe him. But she knew he would come around if he had any doubts.

For the next month you and Nat went on date quite often.

You were nervous if anything. Steve was your first partner. You had some experience before him but nothing too significant. You didn’t know much. He didn’t ask for much in bed either, other than making you keep up with his super solider stamina, which was a hard task in itself.

You knew Nat had plenty of experience. Word travels fast around here. You had also heard gossip about her sleeping with people on missions, which was very plausible now that you thought about it. You didn’t want her to find you lacking in any way. You thought the wine would calm your nerves but you only felt yourself becoming more and more nervous.

As things got heated after a movie night you had both moved to your bedroom, making out with teeth and tongue like horny teenagers.

Nat must have felt you tense under her as she broke the kiss to cup your face. “What’s wrong chernub?” she gave you a smile that made your heart melt. Her eyes so sincere, with such pure love in them, all for you.

“I just... well have you ever been with a girl?” You still weren’t sure what the status of Nat’s sexuality was. You didn’t ever ask her because it didn’t matter. All that matter to you was that she liked you.

“I have. But never with anyone I was in love with” She said giving your lips a quick peck, smirking at your dumbfounded expression.

“I – I love you too” You gulp down taking a few deep breaths, that was unexpected “You caught me off guard” You smiled back at her, leaning into her touch “I’ve never been with anyone but Stevie”

“Then I’m happy to be your first” she purred palming your breasts through your dress. She pulled it up by the hem leaving you in your bra and panties. You almost felt self conscious as she eyed your cleavage hungrily, unhooking and tossing your bra away. She quickly took off her blouse and jeans. Even in her haste she was so elegant, her movements so smooth as her maroon lacy bra slipped off of her arms.

You couldn’t keep your eyes off of her breasts. They looked so smooth, her dark pink hard nubs perfectly complimented by her pale porcelain skin. You awkwardly held each in your palm, lifting them up as if to weigh them. They were just the right size and filled your hands perfectly. She let you explore her breasts, trace your fingers over her body, dipping them in her belly button, before she harshly pushed you onto your back, your head hitting the pillow.

“There’s no way I can be patientl with you” She said training quick butterfly kissing down your body.

“Wait! I want to go down on you” You requested. You had spent hours researching on how to please a woman. Even if you were nervous, you were excited to explore her body.

“That’s alright baby. I’m a giver” She winked at you. She stared at your pussy in awe, her lips so close to it that you felt her hot breaths against your warm folds. You propped yourself up on your elbows to look at her. You gasped loudly as you felt her lick a strip against it, wrapping her lips around your clit, harshly sucking on it. She wasn’t kidding when she said she wouldn’t be patient with you. You held onto the headboard trying your best to muffle your moans and screams.

You could feel yourself on the edge of it heaven. It was all too good. But then she stopped. You whined at the loss of what could’ve been an amazing orgasm. You looked down at her about to complain to do something to make her continue. You followed her gaze to your door and stared in horror at Steve standing there staring at Nat’s head buried in your pussy. What was more shocking was the very evident dent in Steve’s crotch, which almost looked painful.

You weren’t sure what you could say. Do you apologize? He gave you permission to date her. He never said anything about being intimate. You were about to explain, that it was spontaneous, that you weren’t thinking, you’d stop then and there if he asked you to.

But then “Would you like to join us?” Nat asked tracing your folds with her fingers. You shivered under her, being too sensitive and overwhelmed.

“Yeah I think I will” He said unbuckling his dark leather belt, his dress pants falling to his ankles. He stripped down to his underwear staring you down. “I’m going to have to punish you, after all” he took off his boxers his cock slapping against his abdomen.

“Wh – punish me?” You stammered panicking. Any other day you would act out purposely just so you could get punished. You loved this dark, unhinged side of him he only showed to you behind closed doors. How he bent you over his knee and make you count the smacks he delivered to your bum.

But right now, you were still mourning your ruined orgasm. You absolutely could not take any kind of edging, you have to come.

“He’s right” She smirked looking back at you.

“How do you wanna do this?” He asked Nat stroking his cock. Which did mildly infuriated you. They were ignoring you.

“I might have an idea” She pulled you up as Steve laid down on the bed. She guided him inside you as you straddled his hips and she crouched down with his thighs between her legs, drawing slow intricate circles on your clit.

You weren’t use to this position. Steve only ever liked making love while looking at you, he clearly wasn’t pleased with only being about to see your back. He grabbed at your hips angrily thrusting up into you. Where did your sweet innocent lover go? Seems like Natasha was a bad influence on you both.

You gasped into Nat’s mouth as you felt him filling you up. You vaguely heard her mockingly asking Steve to take it easy on you. You couldn’t think about that right now. All you could focus on was her fingers on your clit and Steve’s cock brushing up against your g-spot. It was all too good and too much.

“It’s all... It’s too much” You whimpered leaning away from Nat, pressing your palm on Steve’s stomach.

Steve abruptly stopped his thrusts “Are you alright princess” He petted he back of your head and smoothened your hair. You felt his back against yours as he got up wiping the sweat off of your forehead, pushing the hair that was sticking to it back. “You’re such a good girl. My sweet girl. ” He murmured as he kept whispering sweet nothings in your ear.

You calmed down as you tried to focus on your breathing. You didn’t know if you should be frustrated or relieved that they both just stopped. His hot and hard length was still buried deep inside you. You couldn’t take it anymore. You rolled your hips as his breath hitched.

Nat snorted “You have no idea how this game works, do you?” She pushed Steve back onto the bed instructing him to keep rutting up into you. You could do nothing but whimper.

Steve was a bit apprehensive. There was this one time he accidentally elbowed you in your ribs. He’s guilty about that to this day. He once told you his worst nightmare would be hurting you. That he wanted nothing else in this world but to make you happy and treat you like the princess you are. You smiled at the memory, he sure did have a way with words.

You cried as Nat rolled your clit between her fingers. She kissed the side of your mouth urging you to come. “Come on my fingers” She ordered.

Steve didn’t like that. He plunged up into you. You don’t think you have ever felt him this deep inside you. “Go ahead baby girl. Let go” He rasped. You could feel his muscles tightening beneath your palm. He wasn’t too far behind you.

You screamed in pure bliss as the coil building in your belly snapped, putting an end to your agony. You felt Steve’s grip on your hips stiffen as the pace of his thrusts escalated. “Fuck – shit” he cursed and groaned as you felt him come inside you.

You hugged Nat as you stayed like that for a while. His cock softening inside you. You clenched around him just for fun, which earned you a slap to your bum.

“Let’s get you cleaned up” Nat helped you up, Steve’s cock slipping out of you, you hissed at the empty feeling. His come oozed out of you. Steve hummed at the sight, playing with your folds before pushing his come back into you. You whimpered as you felt his fingers enter your overworked pussy.

“I’m sorry doll” He drawled out.

Nat carefully cleaned your thighs and your heat with a warm washcloth then tossed it to Steve. He cleaned himself up and asked if you wanted a bath.

“No I’m too tired” You murmured as you fell asleep sandwiched between them. It felt nice to be surrounded by soft comfortable warmth.

It was quite easy for you to fall into a routine with your two lovers. You had been dating Nat for months now; if you could call it that. No one from the team suspected a thing. Both Steve and Nat, unlike you, were private people. They didn’t broadcast their private lives for everyone to see.

You also found that they were similar yet different in so many ways. Nat was more of a friend to you then Steve was, he was the man out of time after all. Nat liked the same movies and songs as you did. You could go shopping with her and go to concerts with her, share so many things together.

You also found that Steve was a lot more jealous and possessive than Nat. While Nat was grateful to be in your life and that she got to spend time with you. Steve often wanted monopoly over you. Nat would tease him about how your unorthodox relationship is a nice exercise for him to humble himself.

Which is why you were surprised when you found out just how dominant and controlling Nat could be in bed. She had to have things go her way. There wasn’t room to argue with her even Steve followed her orders, the few times he did join you both. He would say he likes to concentrate on pleasing you and doesn’t care too much about Nat interrupting his process. Nat was happy with just you or you and Steve.

It was strange to be with them both together. Mostly in a good way. They gave you such intense earth-shattering orgasms. You were afraid you were truly ruined for anyone else. When laying down boundaries you asked them to not kiss, but you were okay with them doing everything else. Steve did find it strange. How would you be okay with them being intimate and object to them kissing? Nat however understood why kisses somehow felt more intimate to you.

They both didn’t really want to do anything together. Steve was adamantly against it. Which was unsurprising to you. Sex was a big deal to him. He probably didn’t plan on doing it with anyone but you for the rest of his life.

They were both amazing kissers. But Steve did it much more often than Nat. He had no qualms about showing you just how much he loved you everyday. Nat sadly did. She was generally more distant. You tried your best to not take it personally, to let her move at her own pace. But you couldn’t help but want her to be closed to you, to tell you things she wouldn’t to anyone else, to trust you, she did claim you were the love of her life.

“Baby” you breathed out as you looked up at her. You were laying on her lap while scrolling through your Instagram. Steve had been gone for over a week on a mission. This could be the perfect moment. You did hear that communication is important in any relationship.

“What’s up?” She asked. You were always amazed at how smooth and sultry her voice was even when she was trying to be casual.

“Tell me a secret” You put your chin on top of your hands on her stomach. Batting your lashes at her, though that trick only works with Steve.

“What kind of secret?” She asked squinting at you, ltickling your armpit as your squirmed.

“Something you’ve never told anyone else” She hummed. You felt an ache in your heart at that. A part of her will always be beyond reach for you. You could never comprehend what she had been through, still you would like to at least try. “Well why don’t you just tell me what you want more than anything?”

“Some ice cream with whiskey sounds really good right now” she deadpanned.

You rolled your eyes at that. Sitting up straight to let her know you meant business. “No. I meant, if you could have anything what would it be?”

You waited several long minutes. She looked like she was contemplating what she wanted to say. “More than anything? I guess I’d want a family. I have one right now. But kids and a white picket fence sounds like a dream” She looked at your confused face, her eyes had never looked so empty and sad “I can’t, you know? They do a procedure which makes you sterile forever. But I’m happy right now. I don’t need that. I guess you only want what you can’t have” she shrugged. Moving into the kitchen to look for some ice cream.

You weren’t sure how you should react. There wasn’t anything you could do to better the situation. The fact that the procedure would most likely have been done with out her consent made your heart ache. “You know there are more than one way to become a parent”

She came back with two bowls of ice cream, handing one to you. “This job doesn’t really leave room for that kind of luxury. What about you? Do you and cap have plan on having kids? I’m sure he’d love to have the American Dream”

“Not really” You said looking at your melting ice cream. You had an inkling of a doubt till now but you could confirm it. She didn’t really consider herself part of your throuple. She didn’t see a future with you and Steve. She had always had one foot out the door. “I’ve never wanted kids. And Steve well... you know his job...” you mumbled playing the harsh edges of the sparking diamond on your engagement ring.

”There’s no point in thinking so ahead. Things are always changing” she said wistfully.

“Do you see a future with me? With me and Steve?” You hopefully looked up at her.

“What kind of future do you expect?” she asked in a tone that scared you, she hasn’t spoken to you like that since your first meeting.

“I don’t know. What we have now is perfect” You confessed.

“What we have now, is that you’re going to have your fairytale wedding to Steve” She rolled her eyes. You had never seen her be jealous of him. “And then who knows what happens to us. Let’s not do this. Things are good as they are” She declared in a tone that didn’t leave room for negotiation.

“No” you said firmly “I don’t want a casual relationship. There’s nothing casual about how I feel. You can’t just be like that. Like you’ll leave whenever you want!” you threw your hands up exasperated with her.

She furrowed her brows staring you down, as if that would intimidate you. “You have treated me like a sidepiece from the beginning. How many times have you brushed me off to spend time with Steve? How many people know about us?” She asked gesturing her hand between both of you. “You can’t have your cake and eat it too”

“I’ll tell everyone then. Whatever it takes to be with you” you pleaded. You weren’t ashamed to beg. It was clear to you now that you had always treated Nat as if she was less important than Steve. It wasn’t because you loved her less than him, it was because Steve had a tendency to be jealous and insecure. Apparently she was really good at hiding her feelings, better than Steve anyway.

“You can’t do that” She said flatly. “He’s captain America. We’re the Avengers. We have a reputation to maintain. We’re controversial enough. We don’t need any more scandals” She said shaking her head.

“Then we’ll figure something out” You hugged her side, seeking her comfort, you didn’t like the direction this conversation was heading in.

“No” She shook you off getting up from your sofa, placing her bowl on the coffee table. “this whole thing was a mistake from the start. I should’ve known better than do this with someone like you” She said as you looked at her with watery eyes and quivering lips “I’m sorry dove. We just want different things” She swiped your tears before averting her gaze and leaving.

You hugged your knees sobbing like you never had before. Your dream, your fantasy was ripped from you. One minute you felt as if you were on cloud nine, you had two wonderful people who cared so much for you, who loved you for you.

And now you were drowning, in your sorrow, in guilt and in pain. Knowing that you only caused them both pain. You failed to make them as happy as they made you. You didn’t deserve either of them.

Steve was more than excited to see his girl after over two weeks. Before Nat he was always worried to leave you alone. He knew how much you liked having company around, how you would get lonely and lost in your intrusive thoughts and worry about him.

Initially it was hard to share you. Not being the love of your life, like you are to him, was disappointing to say the least. Then he saw just how happy Nat made you. He understood that just because you loved Nat, didn’t mean you loved him any less. He still had his moments of jealously here and there, but at times like these, he’s thankful for you both.

He punched in the code to your apartment, opening the door, expecting to run to you, hug you and cradle your soft form in his arms. But as soon as he step his foot in, he knew something was wrong.

He called out your name looking for you. He saw you laying on the sofa in a fetal position making yourself small, a blanket covering you, you were surrounded by chocolate wrappers and what looked like cheeto dust. He walked owards you, stepping on the wine spilt from your glass. He straightened the glass putting it away from the edge of the coffee table, crouching down to look at your face.

Tears left your eyes as soon as you saw him blocking the tv. You sat up hugging him, pushing your face into his chest. He could hear you little sniffles as he ran his fingers through your hair to sooth you. Your hair, which is usually silky and smells like vanilla, was greasy and smelt of chinese take out and wine. He could tell you hadn’t showered in a while.

After a while of holding you to him he cradled your face in his hands. “Hey” he said softly taking you in. You looked miserable. Your eyes and nose red, your face completely defeated. “What happened?”

“Nat broke up with me” you whimpered as if you couldn’t believe your own words. “Said she wanted kids and we’re not compatible. I don’t know” You whimpered again, so overwhelmed and exhausted.

“It's okay calm down” He never would’ve expected this. Though in hindsight he should've seen this coming. He deemed Nat worthy of you because she was passionate and loving. But she didn’t have the best romantic track record. That paired with your unusual situation, this was bound to happen. “It’s okay” He said again cuddling with you on the sofa. He whispered sweet nothings in your hair. He would’ve almost been glad if this had happened a few months ago. But now when he had come to slightly like the dynamic the three of you shared and seeing just how heartbroken you were. He wasn’t sure he could ever forgive Nat.

“You have me. You’ll always have me” He whispered in your hair and meant it. When he said he loved you for the first time, over a year ago, he had decided that you would be together forever, that he’ll be there for you, protect you no matter what. His love for you was unconditional and knew no bounds. It could survive anything.

“You promise?” You asked him shyly. Your voice so weak and trembling. He wished he could wrap you up and hide you from the whole world.

“Yes I promise” he kissed your forehead.

“You still love me?” You looked up at him with your sweet innocent eyes.

“I’ll always love you. Nothing will ever come between us” He swore holding onto you as you cried yourself to sleep. You’ll be okay, eventually. He knew that but it was hard to see you this broken.

@patzammit @onetwo3000 @peaceinourtime82 @stargazingfangirl18 @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @sweater-daddiesdumbdork​@sweater-daddiesdumbdork @navybrat817 @what-just-happened-bro @thehumanistsdiary @cheeseburgersstuff @queen-kass-the-writer @anika-ann @captain-a-rogerss

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[bonniebelleklyde]

Time and Distance, Chapter 1

Note: Ooookay, so this little angst fest has evolved into a chaptered fic! Endless thanks to @joylessnightsky for the prompt that got me started down this road (the quote you suggested doesn’t appear in this chapter, but it’s coming!). Hope you enjoy this first installment!

Word Count: 1520

Pairing(s): Loceit (romantic); Logince (familial/parental), Roceit (familial/parental)

Warnings: Mild cursing, light angst (but be warned that it will escalate in future chapters), signs of depression

Summary: Twenty years after graduating college and watching the love of his life walk out of his for what he thought was forever, Janus not-so-accidentally runs into him again. Even with so much time and distance between them, he struggles to fight back feelings, old and new, as he and his old friend become reacquainted. That precocious child of Logan’s does nothing to help matters.

Janus didn’t know what the hell he was doing here. He hadn’t kept in contact with a single soul from his college days, and he had not attended any of these stupid alumni events in twenty years. He had precious few fond memories of his time here, so it was not like he’d come to reminisce about the good old days. And there was nothing about his current life he was particularly proud to show off either. He worked like a dog at a job he didn’t want, and one that paid him significantly less than he was worth. He lived in a depressing little apartment in a depressing little neighborhood. He had no family to speak of, and all of his friends had long since moved far enough away that he had lost touch with most of them. Even Remus only ever called him on holidays out of some sort of pity-driven obligation. Janus had become what all of the people here who once knew him had no doubt expected him to be-- a lonely, bitter man.

Oh, who was he kidding? Janus knew exactly why he had come. When he’d received the Facebook invitation, he’d rolled his eyes and idly visited the event page. He was about close his laptop and get on with his miserable life when his eyes froze on one of the names that appeared as having accepted the invite.

Logan Keller.

If Janus was being honest with himself-- which he almost never was-- he would have to admit that he looked for that name every time he got one of these invitations. Which was ridiculous. Janus had never dated Logan; they’d never been lovers. Even the term “friend” was probably too generous a term for what they had been. Logan was more a friend of Janus’s old roommate than of Janus himself.

But Logan Keller had captured every inch of Janus’s attention from the moment that Virgil had introduced them. He was impossibly beautiful, with his piercing eyes, his sharp grin and the single dimple one could only see when he smiled wide enough. And lord, was it a triumphant feeling on any occasion when Janus managed to make him smile wide enough. Moreover, Logan was perhaps the most brilliant mind that Janus had ever encountered, his highly acclaimed professors included. Any topic that Janus had ever wanted to discuss, Logan had always been readily equipped with a string of seemingly endless facts, figures, analyses and opinions that he was more than ready to fiercely defend. These “discussions” more often than not turned into heated debates, but Janus liked it better that way. Logan was a rare worthy opponent, and going toe to toe with him was exhilarating.

Even years after they had last spoken, Janus found himself remembering things, small and large, about Logan at random. He drank the strongest coffee known to man completely black, and the scent of it followed him wherever he went, no matter the time of day. He had an intense fascination with Sherlock Holmes stories and a well-worn copy of The Hounds of Baskerville was with him wherever he went. He hated pretzels. He loved the stars. He held Janus’s hand in silent solidarity while Janus tried and failed to hold himself together at his mother’s funeral.

Janus had been desperately in love with Logan Keller the entire time he knew him and well afterward. And Logan had been in love with Virgil Sykes. He never said as much, and the two had never officially been an item as far as Janus was aware, but he knew it to be true all the same. The two were inseparable, and Janus had never seen a bond like that. To this day, they were always showing up in photos together all over social media. They were probably married now-- Janus had never had the stomach to check.

Still. It had been a long time. There had been other men. None that made a particularly lasting impression, but they’d…been. It wasn’t as if he had been pining after Logan for the past twenty years. Even Janus wasn’t quite that pathetic. Perhaps if he saw Logan now, he would find that all of those old feelings were long gone. Perhaps he’d look at Logan and wonder how he ever could have spent so many of his thoughts on someone so unremarkable. Perhaps he’d feel nothing at all.

God, if only.

Janus arrived late at the campus pub they were all supposed be gathering at, and he supposed that he shouldn’t have been surprised that his eyes found Logan immediately. He felt like he was twenty-two again, like he was looking at the only man he had ever loved for the last time before they went their separate ways forever.

…

“So. Boston.”

Janus wished he could come up with something better to say. Perhaps something about Boston, something so disparaging that the thought of picking up and moving approximately 2,600 miles away from here—away from him—would seem unbearable. Nothing came to mind. Nothing but a desperate chorus of ‘not yet; we haven’t had enough time. I never told you-’

“Yes, well,” the uncertainty in Logan’s voice was confusing, and Janus didn’t dare let it give him any amount of false hope, “I haven’t decided on it yet. I’ve been accepted elsewhere, you know.”

“Oh, please. Like you’re going to turn down Harvard Med. You’ve talked about nothing else for the past four years. Why wouldn’t you go?”

It took every ounce of will power Janus had not to read into the hesitance in Logan’s face, maybe even a touch of disappointment. It didn’t matter. Not when Logan was going to leave.

“I…I can’t seem to come up with any practical reason not to.”

Janus told himself there was nothing noteworthy in the way in which Logan emphasized the word ‘practical.’ He was being a ridiculous, pathetic, lovesick fool, and like hell was he about to drag Logan down because of it.

“Well then, there you have it, right? Congratulations.”

The word ‘congratulations’ had never sounded so much like defeat. Even if Logan had returned his ridiculous feelings—which he didn’t, Janus never would have asked him to give up something like this for his sake. Not even he was that selfish.

“I…” Logan faltered and sighed instead of finishing whatever it was he’d meant to say. “Thank you,” he said instead in a small voice that barely rose above a whisper.

Janus wanted to say something to make this feel like less of an end. After all, this was the twenty-first century. They had cell phones and laptops with cameras. They had social media, and when all else failed they had good old-fashioned handwritten letters. He might have enjoyed writing letters to Logan. It might have worked, kept their something-like-a-friendship intact at the very least. This didn’t have to be goodbye.

But Janus didn’t say any of those things. He nodded, muttered some thinly veiled excuse to get away and retreated. He was a coward. He paid for it for the next twenty years.

…

Janus needed a drink. No, he needed to leave. This was a mistake, he thought to himself, and he turned on his heels and headed straight back out the door.

“Janus!”

He stopped dead in his tracks. He didn’t need to turn around to know that it was Logan running up behind him, but he did so anyway.

“You’re leaving? Didn’t you just get here?” Logan continued, appearing slightly out of breath, and Janus fervently hoped that he wasn’t blushing upon having been caught out.

“I shouldn’t have come at all,” he answered honestly—too honestly—without thinking. He rushed to recover. “These kinds of…events…well, they’ve never really been for me.”

That seemed good enough for Logan, who nodded in response.

“No, they haven’t. Come to think of it, they haven’t exactly been for me either.”

“Yes, I must say, I’m surprised to see you at one of these things,” Janus lied through his teeth. Though, to be fair, Janus had been surprised to see that Logan had accepted the Facebook invitation.

Logan shrugged. “Likewise.”

There was a painfully awkward silence, and Janus for the life of him could not think of a single thing to say that wouldn’t make him sound like an insane person, a stalker or a complete asshole. He was about to make a pathetic excuse and flee like he always did, like the coward he was, when Logan cleared his throat.

“In fact, I’ve rather had my fill of this event. I was just thinking about going off to find some decent food when I saw you. You wouldn’t…you wouldn’t care to join me, would you? It’s…well, it’s been a long time.”

Something in Logan’s expression made it physically impossible to refuse him—Janus had almost forgotten that strange power the other man had over him, the power that apparently was not diminished by twenty years and over two thousand miles. Fresh out of excuses, Janus nodded and offered Logan a rare smile.

“That it has. Why not? I’m starving.”

[wherevermyway]

kinktober day one: food play

kinktober day one: food play alternative title: like ketchup on a hot dog what the fuck is wrong with me

pairing: hwang hyunjin/lee felix rating: explicit | 18+ warnings: WOW AM I GOING TO HELL FOR THIS but trashy smut, food play, ketchup as lube (yes you read that correctly), oral, profanity, hyunjin is a little aggressive with french fries, alcohol, degrading words, praise kink, hint of dacryphilia, bottom!felix, top!hyunjin, some feelings at the end. this is really gross and i hate that i wrote it. word count: idk like 2,800 or some shit on AO3 too.

sorry in advance to the anons that wanted individual hyunjin and felix things but i am stupid and cannot figure out how food kinks work so i smooshed them together (literally i guess lol) and i am now going to hell goodbye. also i was eating fries with barbecue sauce last night when i got drunk and this idea hit me. also nsfw twitter is something entirely different.

recommended tracks: beware by stray kids, sexual healing (kygo remix) by marvin gaye and kygo, kerosene! by yves tumor

disclaimer: any reference to persons in this work of fiction are purely coincidental. the characters referenced from Stray Kids are interpretations loosely based on their personalities in the group and do not represent the real people behind the personas. if this, or any of the content included in the warnings above make you uncomfortable, please stop reading now.

note: for the love of minho’s cats, do not consume alcohol. you’ll write stuff like this.

For some reason, Hyunjin always got really bad ideas when he had a couple of drinks in his system. Tonight’s bad idea, for instance, was getting his roommate to lick some ketchup off of his shirt, a big, thick glob of it resting on his sternum.

“Hey,” Hyunjin says with a bit of a slur, poking his head to the side to look into Felix’s room. “C’mere a sec, yeah?”

The younger man grumbles as he sulks his way out of his room. “What do you want now?” Felix always found Hyunjin kind of annoying, but even more so when he was drinking. He only put up with the older man because he let Felix live in his apartment for free while he was finishing up his culinary programme and needed to save money.

The two of them had a really strange relationship. They met a couple years ago when Felix had started working at Hyunjin’s parents’ restaurant. It started off polite and innocent, up until one night where all of the waitstaff decided to get drunk and play some games. The lead waiter, Minho, was a jerk who liked to watch people squirm, so when he dared Hyunjin to kiss Felix, nobody was really surprised.

What was surprising, however, is that Hyunjin actually did it. He had slammed his hands down on the table, crawling over the empty bottles of soju and cans of beer and dragged his way across the table and into Felix’s lap. The way that Hyunjin pressed his hips against the man beneath him as he grabbed Felix’s face and pulled him into a deep, passionate kiss drove Felix mad for days. He didn’t want to stop kissing Hyunjin, not one bit.

“I need you to do something for me,” Hyunjin smirks, pulling Felix out of his memory. The brunette points down to his shirt and scoffs. “Clean me up.”

This was going to be one of those nights.

God, he hated how much of a snotty brat Hyunjin was. It was obvious that he had a nice, plush lifestyle growing up, being catered to hand-and-foot by all of the staff that helped raise him. Felix rolls his eyes and starts to walk to the kitchen, until Hyunjin interrupts him with a devilish grin creeping up on his face.

“Nah, wait,” he leans back against the couch, placing his arm on the back of the furniture, arrogantly smiling at the younger man. “Come clean it up. Hands-free.”

Felix grits his teeth and clenches his fist a bit. If Hyunjin didn’t fuck him so well, he wouldn’t put up with this; he would tell him off and tell him to get bent. But there he was, making his way over to the man on the couch, because he was already half-hard thinking about kissing Hyunjin’s stupid lips.

The men stared at each other for a second, before Felix huffed and straddled Hyunjin’s lap. The briny scent of the ketchup on Hyunjin’s shirt overwhelmed Felix’s sense of smell for a moment, getting worse as he bent down and brought himself closer to the viscous glob. Vinegar, sugar, and salt was all he could think about as he nervously stuck his tongue out, not really sure if this was a good idea.

“C’mon,” Hyunjin grumbles, “I wanna watch you lick it up, let’s go.”

Hyunjin was infuriating to Felix. He wanted nothing more than to punch that smirk off of his face, but he didn’t. He never would. Instead, he lets out a frustrated sigh and presses his tongue up against the older man’s shirt, the overwhelming flavour of sugary vinegar overtaking his mouth.

Felix swallowed it down, then did a couple more licks for good measure, just to piss off Hyunjin a little more. It likely worked, because the extra swipes caused the brunette to groan in irritation and grind his pelvis up in response.

“That’s a good boy,” Hyunjin moans out, reaching a hand up to grab a fistful of Felix’s hair. “Hyungie wants to play tonight and hyungie isn’t gonna be very nice to his fucktoy. You still good with using ‘red’ as your word?”

Felix scrunches his nose up in disgust as the unbearable scent of ketchup was quickly replaced by the gross stench of stale beer floating from Hyunjin’s breath. This was going to be a long night. He hesitates, thinking about how stupid the dynamic between them was, for how stupid he was for being Hyunjin’s personal cumrag, how stupid it was that he loved every second of it. He gets lost in his confused regret for a moment, then nods his head a couple times.

“Use your words,” Hyunjin commands, tugging the blond’s hair a little harder.

Fuck. Felix really loved this and it was beyond stupid.

“Yes, hyung,” he breathes out, his voice creaking a bit from the fingers in his hair.

“Good boy.” Hyunjin tugs at Felix’s hair again, taking his free hand and gripping the younger man’s hip. A devious smile comes up on Hyunjin’s face and his eyes darken before he digs his fingers into Felix’s hair and hip harder, and pushes him down, practically throwing him into the couch.

It happened so fast, Felix couldn’t really wrap his head around it, blinking his eyes rapidly as he stared into the couch cushion. He turned his head, looking up to Hyunjin towering over him with that cocky fucking smirk on his face. Normally, he hated that smirk, but right now, all Felix wanted to do was shove his dick in it.

Hyunjin reaches down to Felix’s hair again, grabbing it to roll him over. “Look at me.”

As requested, Felix timidly looks up at Hyunjin. His stomach drops a bit when Hyunjin swipes his tongue over his bottom lip and bites it.

“Open.”

Felix timidly drops his jaw, sticking his tongue out as he watches Hyunjin reach down to the plate on the table behind them, grabbing a fistful of the limp, cold fried potatoes, and his eyes instantly widened. That was a lot of fries. Was he seriously gonna shove all of them in his face?

Yes, he absolutely was. Of course he was. Hyunjin was an asshole and Felix stupidly ate it up.

Salt and grease fill Felix’s mouth as Hyunjin jams every single one of those damn fries into his face, making sure to poke the stragglers in a little harder, just for good measure. Tears started burning at the corner of Felix’s eyes, surprised and shocked at how full his mouth was, at how much discomfort coursed through his jaw.

“Cry for me, you pathetic baby,” Hyunjin laughs. “You know hyungie loves it when you cry for him.”

And so, he did. Felix didn’t really feel like crying, but he knew that Hyunjin loved it when the tears would spill down his face. He would be rewarded later with a mind-blowing orgasm, but he had to be patient. So, he let the insincere tears roll down his face, bleeding into the fries sticking out of his mouth.

“You’re so pretty when you cry.” The brunette smiles, wiping a tear off of the cheek of the man beneath him. “You’re so pretty all the time, baby. My pretty baby.”

Felix’s eyebrow twitched as he thought over what Hyunjin just said. Was he being nice and sincerely complimenting him for once, or was it just the rush of alcohol and oxytocin rushing through his veins?

Drool started spilling from both corners of Felix’s mouth as he pondered the words echoing in his mind. A strange fluttering filled his stomach as he just could not stop thinking about it. Did Felix actually enjoy this weird dynamic between them?

“C’mon,” Hyunjin whines, poking at the fries hanging from Felix’s mouth. “I wanna fill that hole with something else now. Eat them right now, please. I’m really hard and wanna come all over you.”

It was awkward to even think about how in the hell he was going to get all of those fries down his throat. They were gross and slimy and covered in saliva, which wasn’t appetizing at all to Felix. The way they disintegrated as he tried to chew them, failing miserably as squishy blobs of potato and saliva fell from his lips, it felt strange and uncomfortable. Felix never understood why Hyunjin liked forcing him to eat things, but he also just didn’t understand Hyunjin at all.

A bit of a triumphant feeling washes over Felix as he finally has an empty mouth again, like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders and he could breathe again. He didn’t have much time to appreciate the sensation, however, as Hyunjin pulls his cock out from his joggers, rubbing it up against Felix’s cheek.

Hyunjin smirks, then reaches behind him and grabs the bottle of ketchup off of the table, giving it a couple shakes as he looks down to Felix. Mentally, Felix swore he would never eat ketchup ever again after all of this was over. He knew that every time he saw it, he would think about Hyunjin squirting it all over his dick, some of the liquid splashing up against Felix’s face as it collided against their skin with force, splattering everywhere and making an absolute mess.

He would think about Hyunjin every time he thought of ketchup now, and he knew he would instantaneously get hard at the memory, and he hated how stupid that was.

Felix hated the smell of ketchup right against his nose, but the musky smell of Hyunjin’s sweaty skin mixed with it somehow made it more palatable. He couldn’t take his eyes off of Hyunjin’s face, losing himself in just how fucked-out he looked.

“Thought this would taste better than the lube, go with the flavour of the fries, yeah?” The corner of Hyunjin’s lips tilted upright as he slipped his sticky, dripping cock against Felix’s mouth. “Open up and take me, baby.”

He knew he was going to roll his eyes at the thought of this later, but he did as requested, as Hyunjin slowly pressed his cock into Felix’s mouth. The ketchup burned his nose because there was just so much of it. It bubbled up around his lips and started spilling down his chin, his throat, until it landed on his pants and the carpet, dripping down in big, thick globs. He shouldn’t enjoy this, but Felix was getting into it. Every fibre in his being said that this was stupid, their dynamic was terrible, that no sane person would enjoy taking a dick in their mouth with ketchup smeared all over it like it was a fucking hot dog.

God, he really did love how fucked up this was.

“Good boy, baby,” Hyunjin coos as his cock hits the back of Felix’s throat. “I’m gonna move now, so lemme know if it’s too much.”

Felix moans against Hyunjin’s dick, knowing that the sensation would drive his senior absolutely mad. He rolls his tongue around the top of Hyunjin’s head, then moves his hands up to grab on to Hyunjin’s hips. He wanted to palm himself through his pants, his very hard and very obvious erection painfully throbbing against the fabric of his briefs.

He just had to be patient for a little longer.

Hyunjin gives no warning before he pulls his cock back, almost completely taking it out, then he slams it back in, lightly grazing against Felix’s teeth and getting residual bits of ketchup all over them both. It was messy, it was dirty, it was filthy, but both of them were loving it too much to stop. There was something about how taboo this all was that Hyunjin loved. He loved everything about topping his roommate, about how they’d experiment with stupid kinks they found on the internet, about how much they hated each other sometimes.

There would never be another friend quite like Felix to Hyunjin, and he loved every second of their bizarre codependency on each other. They didn’t bother masturbating anymore, they just haphazardly fucked whenever and wherever they felt like it: sometimes in the kitchen, where Hyunjin took some of Felix’s brownie batter and smeared it all over his face; sometimes in the shower, right up against the glass door; sometimes they would have lazy midnight sex where one of them would groggily intrude their way into the other’s room and just push their mouth against the other’s lips, desperate for skinship.

Felix loved to pester Hyunjin, pushing his buttons just so he could get a good dicking every so often. Hyunjin loved to watch Felix inanely bite at his lips every time he came up with some masterful dish in the kitchen and just how proud he would be when it was completed.

Hyunjin also really loved it when Felix would bob his head up and down his cock because he was just so good at it. He had been with a few different people before, but the sexual chemistry between the two of them was just so good, he wasn’t sure he could ever fuck another human being on the entire planet again.

“Good boy, Felix,” Hyunjin moans, throwing his head back as he grips Felix’s blond hair. “God, you’re so good, baby. I want you on my cock forever.”

The fucking was always good, sure, but Felix loved the way that Hyunjin praised him during sex. It was so unabashedly unrestricted, and sometimes he would say really stupid shit that made it sound like they were dating each other, but he swore he could come just from the way that Hyunjin would call him a good boy. He was Hyunjin’s good boy, and he loved it.

Felix rolls his eyes back as Hyunjin’s thrusting gets a little more reckless and uneven. He was getting close, which meant that he was going to get to come soon, too. “Fuck, baby,” Hyunjin whines, starting to twitch and roll his head around erratically. “I’m gonna come, gonna come all over that pretty face of yours.”

The older man pulls back, furiously fisting his cock as he looks down at Felix, his eyes half-open and his mouth wide, ready to take all of his cum. Fuck, he looked so pretty. He was a sweaty, filthy mess with dried tears under his eyes, drying ketchup splattered all over his face, and drool dripping down his chin.

Hyunjin lets out a strained cry as he spills his seed all over Felix’s face, just adding to the absolute mess they both were. He pants rapidly as he comes down from his high. His hands drop to his sides and he groans. “That was so good,” he whimpered, then looked down to Felix, bringing a hand up to wipe some of the cum and ketchup off his cheek. “You did so well. You okay, babe?”

Felix nods a couple of times, swallowing the weird mixture of fluids in his mouth down, and he looks up to Hyunjin. “I’ll feel a lot better after you get me off and we shower.” The two men awkwardly chuckle, blatantly ignoring the mess that was all around them. “I’m never gonna look at ketchup the same way again, though.”

They both may have had some weird dynamic between the two of them, and it may have been a little stupid, but it was them. As much as he hated to admit it, Felix loved it, and Hyunjin really did, too.

tags: @datura-inoxia​ and @huidawntrash​

[quietlysatan]

An Invincible Summer - ShanaStoryteller, AO3

Link: Here!!

Rating: T for read the warnings, but don’t worry too much because of them

Favorite Quote(s): I legit wanna tattoo this next quote on me somewhere

"Oh, the things that can be accomplished through ignorance of their impossibility," 

And this Straight Up Fact

“There’s no such thing as cheating as long as you win,” Natsu says, and the brat’s not wrong.

This one’s just funny

“Chouza,” Inoichi forces himself to say evenly, “Your teachings produced Ebisu and goddamned Gai.”

“Genma’s pretty normal though,” Chouza sighs, “I never could get through to that boy.”

Gently Gai casually caring about Kakashi’s well-being is my entire reason for living, speaking of which if someone wants to come be my Gai that’d be really fucking nice because us Kakashi’s don’t do too well on our own

He hesitates, but says, "Not that I do not find your newfound mentorship to be a most youthful endeavor, but -"

"I don't know," Kakashi interrupts his friend, "I met her while she was taking her genin exam and she, I don't know, adopted me or something. She just keeps showing up."

Gai nods thoughtfully, "Stubbornness is a useful skill to have when trying to cultivate a friendship with you." Kakashi elbows the other man, but doesn't protest besides that. "She's a good cook."

And this one because I love it when people Get It, ya’know?

That's really why he won't say anything, why he won't reveal that the Kyuubi's container and the fourth Hokage's child is still alive: they already killed him once. Naruto and Shikamaru are the same age, they would have been in the same class, and the idea that anyone could want to harm his innocent, precious son makes his blood boil 

And this one, for accuracy

"This sounds like a most youthful endeavor. I will bring Anko! She will fan the flames of youth in our young Konoha blossom!"

Both Itachi and Kakashi look at Gai, horrified. "Please don't," Itachi says weakly, like he knows it'll fall on deaf ears but he has to try anyway.

"Don't worry," Gai attempts to assure them, going into his Good Guy pose, "They will produce youthful flames of feminine excellence!"

"They're going to burn down Konoha," Kakashi says flatly.

Gai's hair and teeth sparkle in the sunlight, and he doesn't attempt to deny it.

Another important one

"The world is a terrible place," she says, and she has to swallow before she speaks again, "and it's full of terrible people. But I don't have to be one of them." 

I love that Natsu-chan has great balance, this is my number one favorite character trope, and I wish more people would write it

She bends down to look at him upside down, and Itachi can feel that she's not using chakra to stick onto him, and sometimes her balance just isn't logical. 

I just love the idea of tiny genius Naruto, and I love that Natsu-chan is a seal master at like, fucking seven and a half lol

Itachi knows it's actually far more complicated than that, but just as he does not tell her minutia of the past shinobi wars in their history lessons, she does not overcomplicate her explanations of sealing. Usually he's grateful for that, but when she appears to break every known law to sealing and chakra, he's not.

"That's," he blinks and he's not going to tell her it's impossible because it clearly isn't, "new," he settles on.

A mood honestly

Inoichi now feels the urge to bang his head against the table top, because 'a huge pain' to Natsu is 'literally impossible' to everyone else.

Another mood honestly

Inoichi watches his former genin dig in with resignation. “When are you guys going to start picking up the tab? Feeding you all isn’t cheap you know.”

Hana swallows her mouthful, “Sensei, I am but a lone healer’s apprentice –“

“I have been a chunin less than a month,” Kabuto pouts, wounded, “and already you seek to profit-“

“Do you have any idea how much sealing paper and ink costs?” Natsu demands.

“Okay, okay,” Inoichi grumbles, but it’s not very effective considering he’s smiling, “I take it back, jeez.”

Okay so, since this is a 100k+ word fic, I’ve been doing this thing lately literally just now on this fic review where I only feature quotes from the first chapter (Depending on length.) but, I’m making an exception because I’ve never seen these three characters and my thoughts on them summed up so well by someone I don’t know which is to say anyone, no one I know cares about my interests really lol

"Maybe a little," he admits grudgingly, "Sakura's really smart, but she acts dumb for some reason. And her endurance is really bad. She probably would have been failed on that alone if she didn't have such good aim with shuriken. And Sasuke's good at like, everything, I still don't get why he didn't graduate earlier. He's just so-" Kiba rubs his hand over his face.

"So what?" Hana prompts, even though she's heard this particular complaint before.

"Sad," the genin sighs, "He's miserable all the time, and he works hard and if you yell at him for long enough he'll work with you, but - crap, I don't know. He's got this really great poker face so you think he's just a big jerk, but I can smell his emotions, the big idiot, and he's just this sad lonely kid who won't listen to anyone."

Hana hums, because if she opens her mouth she'll probably start cursing the Hokage and his dumb rules and his dumb ideas, and that is not the type of thing that leads to a long life.

Just one last quote because dudes, guys, pals, friends of mine it’s important and you should all stop and read it.

 “Thanks for being cool with – everything. I’m really happy you’re not mad at me for not being honest with you.”

“You are my friend,” Gaara says warmly, “and you have always been honest about that.”

Words & Chapter(s): 136,306 words of greatness, and 6 full chapters of nicely done completion

Summary: When Naruto is five, he's gutted by a drunken civilian and presumed dead.

Six months later a girl with ash pale hair and dark blue eyes enters the Academy. 

(Guys I swear on my cool as fuck username, and all around internet personality as practically satan and probably Lucifer and whatnot that nobody we like stays dead or severely injured)

Score: 13, this is one of my favorites for a reason, this is actually my second technically third time rereading this in as many weeks

Pairing(s): Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka, background Haku/Zabuza, but don’t worry anything you’re thinking of is addressed quite nicely in the fic ultra background but still there’s a lot of relationships and I’m not going to tag them all

Warning(s): Naruto technically dies more than once because this is Naruto we’re talking about but they also technically don’t??? You gotta read it, but basically temporary character death, only the bad guys stay dead in this one.

Nobody knows that Naru-chan lived so there’s that angst for you, however, to be fair it’s not like this whole story is just characters mourning and crying and whatnot, at this point it’s mostly just passing thoughts and memories which, again, to be fair, does almost feel worse at times... Huh, regardless it’s not overly angsty

Kakashi is adopted whether he likes it or not by Natsu-chan, we love both of our emotionally fucked over fair-haired ninja in this house so you won’t have to worry about that sorta fic coming outta nowhere from me BTW... but anyways, Kakashi freaks out a bit, much like the abused dog he always reminds me of, but Natsu is the sweetest and most gentle, yet forceful person he could’ve possibly caught the attention of. (This is canon)

The Akatsuki are still bad, BUT ITACHI ISN’T technically SO WHO FUCKING CARES!!!! (The Massacre still happens tho...)

Mentions of The Flower District and what that implies, and also things a Kunoichi might definitely do

Oh my fucking god the Hyuga... Who would willingly do something so horrible as that? Of all the things... Warning for... The Hyuga branch family situation, it’s dealt with nearly as soon as we are informed but, gods, my blood ran cold, and my face whited out, my sister thought someone had died when she saw my face haha,,, who the fuck does this? And do they die? In canon I mean? I think I only watched up to the chunin exams or Pein’s attack, I can’t remember which tho...

Natsu cries because people are nice to her sometimes. And honestly that’s fair, I burst into to tears once because I imagined someone kissing my forehead softly so, Natsu is completely valid... Sidenote, I’m touch-starved and have no cure for this beyond younger siblings and my cat because I don’t have the ability to ask my mom for a hug without literally gross sobbing and I have A Thing about embarrassment sooooo... yeah if anyone has some therapy justu for me that’d be nice

Mentions of Gross Men that apparently want to have Natsu’s increasingly growing collection of the absolute most dangerous people she can befriend pay them a visit. And by that, I mean an old fuckwit has the gall to leer at a TEN-YEAR-OLD and a FUCKING THIRTEEN-YEAR-OLD!!!!!! Ugh, I hate those kinds of pathetic worms.

On that note, there is technically underaged things going on, but they are also Ninja soooo???? They’ve killed people and are technically in their version of an army, and by the laws of their lands they’re all adults, actually I’m pretty sure by shinobi life expectancy Kakashi is middle-aged, Inoichi is a senior citizen, and Hiruzen is a walking corpse tbh

Alcoholism??? I don’t really think it is but I’m not sure, but some characters do drink often, and usually when stressed courtesy of Natsu and co. but still... I don’t actually know if it is because it doesn’t actually happen much, more like every few weeks/months

Mentions of past sexual assault, and attempted past sexual assault, neither happen in fic or to any of our main characters, the experiences are not graphic though they do talk about it in chapter five, it’s not to graphically described.

Also, a bunch of off-screen lemon

A Thing (That I copy-pasted from the author so that all of you will see it and not say a single word against it.): If you thought Natsu was too mature for her age - she has seen and been through some really horrible shit. But also: my cousin has, since he was like 4, hung out with kids that were about 4 years older than him because those were the kids that were in his neighborhood or whatever. Point being, even after he started school, his main group of friends was consistently older than him. He very quickly adapted to that, and to this day (he's 12) hangs out with that same group, and considers children his own age 'kids' because he adapted to the behavior of the group he was surrounded with. I hardly believe Natsu would be any different.

And also

4. Quick little note because some people mentioned liking my portrayal of the Sandaime. I base his decisions/motivations (and Itachi and Danzo's to a certain extent) around this quote by Clementine von Radics: "It is so hard to live half monster, to hurt everything you love by trying to protect it wrong."

Pros: Watching Natsu just casually disregard the idea of gender with little to no thought is the greatest thing anyone will ever experience beyond, I dunno, the party we’re all gonna collectively throw when soggy Cheeto dies (I still haven’t decided which song we should make chart number one when that happens)

Given that I’ve technically read this three times you should already know the writing is fucking amazing, like, whoa, mind blown type of amazing, like, wow, so good, I usually hate rereading something I’ve read before, and especially so soon after the fact but geez Louis is this fic amazing

Natsu is just as easy to fall in love with as Naruto, and they are still the same people with slightly different personalities as is to be realistically expected with a situation like Naru’s was.

Also, GENDERFLUID REPRESENTATION DONE FUCKING AMAZINGLY IS ALWAYS A PLUS!!!!!!! 

The author manages to convey a very realistic genderfluid character in an incredibly believable manner, while also still keeping Natsu/Naruto themself. They’re still the Naruto that we knew and loved, but they’re different too, as is to be expected. when Natsu is a girl no-one stumbles, she is a girl without a doubt, even the author doesn’t trip up on societal expectations, and when Naruto is a boy there is next to immediate acceptance of this fact with absolutely zero (0) Zero bullshit from transphobes, which, as a genderfluid person myself, is always fucking nice to see. You’ll have to read it to know more though.

Natsu running around creating seals is honestly the greatest thing ever, and the end scene with the village made me cry a lil bit, and dammit this fic is so fucking good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, there’s a scene, where Natsu heals Kakashi, and the way the author handled explaining the intimate not sexual relationship between two of my favorite characters ever is just, so subtly beautiful, the sibling-bond these two have is beautiful, and a part of me wants to cry sometimes when I read it, and usually do cry a little when I get to this scene, and only partially because of what happened directly before it.

I love the way everybody just gets up and moves past their trauma and just decides to politely ignore it, oh they still have it, they still deal with it, but they care, and they are careful about it, and even though it hurts them like a knife-wound to the kidney in slow-motion they still get back up and keep fucking going. That’s hella admirable and I can respect that, I can respect even more that they slowly but surely let themselves heal as time moves on. This fic is beautiful on so many different levels but it is this one perhaps, that is the most magnificent. Perhaps.

Sasuke is adorable and depressing and adorable and I love it. And Ino is still a bad bitch but she’s a kid so we only see it like a handful of times in the first two chapters. The Akimichi/Yamanaka/Nara are all great, and I occasionally pity Inionchicause like, he’s putting up with a well-informed seal genius that’s still hyper, a slightly frightening medic-kunoichi with giant dogs, another slightly more frightening medic-nin who isn’t the greatest fighter but damn can he be intimidating and also really good at pointing out “Certain Things” while judging you about them which, honestly, is my greatest pastime. Itachi is so sweet and then so tragic oh my gods, and Natsu never even considers giving up on him. Kakashi is so sweet, and he slowly becomes less of a beaten dog as time goes on and I just love all of these characters.

Except for Hiruzen. Well, no, I still love this particular incarnation of Hiruzen, for all that he’s got one hell of a pathetically small backbone, I get why he does shit. But that doesn’t make me happy. Still, he’s better than dumbledouchebag. Granted that’s not difficult, and you might have to actively put an effort in to be as bad as that guy, but still. Plus, his hearts in the right place, and he’s less about the greater good then... certain disgraces to teaching and being in charge of a large group of people... Hiruzen is actually kinda sweet and admits he has issues and actually has an excuse that’s understandable for the shit that he pulls which is great, if sadly uncommon.

Anyways, Sakura is terrifying, and I remembered why I had a crush on her. She’s so badass, also, she ends up Princess Mononoke basically which, honestly, is fucking great, and the best thing we could’ve asked for, I love all of these characters so much!!!

Aesthetic: It reminds me off beefy stew (We don’t eat beef, so we used vegan soy beef stuff instead, and it was just as good.) it reminds me of the warmth, and friendship, and home that I felt after my mom and I make dinner together with nothing but a little music on and jokes passing back and forth between us. It reminds me of scraping my knee and having my friends help me to their mom, it reminds me of loyalty and compassion. It reminds me of dancing outside at night, alone in the forest with nothing but the moon for company and wind for music. It reminds me of the first time I realized that I could love someone despite their gender and that I should despite mine. It reminds me of finely spun handmade lace, and all it’s delicate while also reminding me of the sturdiest of steels, it reminds me of so much. It reminds me of acceptance, and understanding, and so much more. If I were to say what food and drink it reminds me of, I’d say chicken noodle soup, and sweet lavender-lemon tea.

Music Aesthetic: So, I made a playlist while I was reading this the first time around, and instead of a gif or twenty like I would usually prefer to do I’m going to add that playlist. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLbhXmTSBbAyjk0m1b4BZUp3t0RHL83LDK

But if I were to add a gif or two it’d be these

Because something about this fic reminds me of rainy days with tea and baggy clothes.

Every time Natsu/Naruto decided to fight ever, to be honest.

[judgement-free-sideblog]

The enemy of love is the truth

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x reader

Summary: They were happy just as friends, but one morning the call from an old trauma may change everything.

Warnings: Alcohol consumption, history of drug use, mental health issues, cursing, angst.

This one is extremely long but I love the final result, the next chapter will be the end, thank for reading, comments are more than welcome.

■Part I  ■ Part II ■Part III ■ Part IV ■ Part V ■ Part VI■ Part VII ■ Part VIII | Final ■

Part V

"And you didn't kiss, again?" Zawe said, she took a sip from her wine glass and take her hand to her forehead with exasperation. "This has been going on forever now, I'm done, Caroline you take care now"

"Don't look at me, I basically push them together what else can I do? Lock them inside my office? Trust me I have thought about it." The other woman said.

"Excuse me, I'm still here and I can hear you" Y/N said questioning why did she agree to have lunch with them in the first place, however she had chose to only tell them about the invitation to an ex's wedding and the late tea at Tom's flat and not a single thing else "And what does again is supposed to mean?"

"New year two years ago" Caroline started "I was dating that gorgeous Greek guy with the most beautiful abs I have ever seen, and everyone kissed at midnight, and what did you do? You leave the dance floor to go vomit in my bathroom"

"Oysters and champagne don't mix" Y/N said getting red remembering the night "And Stavros was only kind of hot" she add making Caroline sigh with pretend indignation.

"What about january last year?" Zawe continued "Bobby was sick and he was on call for his last movie, and you take a week off to stay at his place to help him out"

"First of all I love that dog, and I did that for him more than for Tom, and second I didn't stayed at his place" She answered knowing pretty well she was lying "I only get there super early and went out late at night, but I would have done that for you guys too"

They continued laughing and talking about nothing in particular, with the subject coming up time to time, they meant well and Y/N knew it, even if they didn't knew the whole story.

"Being honest he is as guilty as you are" Caroline said signaling the waiter to get the check. "Last year on November you were at that gynecology symposium on Madrid, and he acted like he was losing his mind until he got in to a plane to met you there, and what brilliant excuse did he give you? He said he needed a flu shot and don't trust his doctor here, also all those times he had crashed at your apartment are total bullshit I was with him the other night and he didn't have a single drop, and I'm getting tired of helping him pretend he does"

"Oh please stop it already" they were walking towards Zawe's car and she was as amused to find the truth about that obvious lie as she was exasperated by her friends "You are right ok? at least on my side. I have been childish about all of this. But if I'm honest I don't know what could I do? In the end I'm still a general practitioner from a tiny hospital and he is Tom Hiddleston"

"Well darling, he could be the sound engineer of the theater or the Prime Minister himself" Said Zawe once they were inside the car "He still is crazy about you. What you have to do is take the leap, talk about it like adults, go to the bloody wedding and enjoy yourself without thinking of anyone else"

"And for once don't run away like a scared chicken when things get personal" Caroline said happy that she finally was able to acknowledge her feelings.

"Sure... why not? By the way I been meaning to tell you something..."

The conversation fade away in other topics, a few more relevant than others, but Y/N mind was far away in the past thinking of the last time she risked all for him and how tremendously wrong it all have turn out.

They had agree he will pick her up at her place, after the most demanding shift she ever had, she took a quick shower and put on a flowy dress, and her coat, and in an effort to look more decent a pair of earrings.

She was trying desperately to make her makeup work when an alarm went off in her phone, a reminder to make a call and before she could think it trough she was already listening the dial tone, praying for him to don't pick up.

"Hi there" his voice finally said when she was about to hang up "so glad to hear you. It's everything alright?"

"Completely, how about you? Did you change your job as you wanted?" She said, now trapped in the conversation.

"I did, and them I changed it again, that's why you should call people more than once a year, otherwise you never know the full story. What's new with you?"

"I start working part time at a theater, as a personal doctor for the manager" she said getting close to what she wanted to say to him.

"Oh that's great, have you met someone interesting there? Are you dating some gorgeous Shakespearean actor... actress??" He still knew her well enough to make things easy for her to talk about.

"I do, in fact I have a date... soon, it's that ok?" She said the last a bit doubtful, she didn't want to hurt him again.

"That's amazing Y/N" David said sincerely "And relax, is not me who you should be worried about, I want you to be happy, just don't go sabotaging things like you use to. I love you girl, but if I'm honest I think you chose to be miserable even when other people try their best to make you happy"

They talked for another couple minutes and when she finally said goodbye his words kept resonating in her mind, but he was wrong, it was not sabotaging, it was self preservation, like this stupid idea of a date. She was quite sure he was trying to make her feel less ashamed for her drunken advances on him, a nice dinner, some talking so she could go on with her life thinking "It simply didn't work, but he is such a nice man"

And she hated herself for ending up in such pathetic position, thinking of how much fun tom must have had watching her making a fool of herself. She was determined then to call off the date, make a graceful scape before she could embarrassing herself but before she could called him there was a ring at her door.

He was gorgeous of course, his beard as well maintained as always and his hair combed to de back of his head in beautiful waves that she wanted to touch since the first time she saw him. He was wearing a coat over a simple dark grey shirt and jeans.

He smiled fondly at her when he saw her, there were dark circles under her eyes and he thought they looked beautiful, something refreshing about a woman who worked that hard on something that she loved.

Y/N intrigued him, she seemed to live like a mature functioning adult, but there was a childish sparkle in her eyes when she started to talk that made him want to know more about her, but then that ever present hint of sadness always refraining her to talk to much, all of which made her the most interesting puzzle.

"Something in mind you would like to eat?" He asked once they were inside his car, with his tinted windows up, he liked driving alone, but he liked his privacy more and they have proven to be an effective solution.

"Not really, anywhere you pick will be fine" she said smiling and he drove to a nice restaurant, making small talk about work, their mutual friends and the weather.

Once they arrived the valet took his keys and gave her what he thought was a meaningful almost impertinent smile.

"I really need to apologize for my behavior" She started once their food was ordered and the waiter had served them two big glasses of wine "It was inappropriate for me to act like that. I am deeply sorry"

"Don't be, we were all a little drunk. But it was nice talking to you" they ate in silence, other than, what she felt, empty mutual compliments on each others carreras. Proving what she had fear since the night before. Until he finally spoke again "I've been meaning to ask you, did you enjoy the play?"

"Absolutely, Mister Cox and Miss Ashton are outstanding, and you obviously it's an incredible play, all things considered" she said taken aback by the question and cursing herself for the last part.

"What things considered?" He asked now genuinely intrigued.

"Oh I'm sorry, I misspoke, it's something stupid actually" she said nervously trying to avoid his gaze and failing.

"Come on, I'm a big boy, I can take some criticism" he lean back on his chair and open his arms, as if he waited for a punch, his eyes still fix on Y/N.

"Ok, but do notice this is coming from Y/N the feminist doctor who spend her free time protesting and not Y/N the fan of theater and literature." She said finally looking back at him decided "I think somehow it demonizes Emma's betrayal and eventual "punishment" while it glorifies the male ego of the two men. And also Robert Down is a prick"

He opened his mouth slightly surprised and then closed his lips in a thin line and let go a chuckle, with a mild blush crossing his face.

"Auch" He said finally, "Well it's and old play... and he amm of course is not a good person, I guess if you are not familiarized with Pinter's work you may have that kind of conclusion"

He had trouble finding his words to debate her, although he was impressed with her honesty, but since it was a sensible matter he wanted to be clear, however Y/N interpreted as him trying to dismiss her statement and change the subject, which put her one step closer to anger.

"You really are that nice aren't you?" She started, with her voice cold and sharp "And I don't mean it as a compliment, but you are right. I don't know Harold Pinter's work but I do know he is factually wrong, there's no deep intricate meaning behind betrayal, in the end is quite simple, people can't make the choice of remaining truthful either to themselves or the people who they love without being bitches about it. You like to shag around no strings attached fine do that don't complain is it doesn't feel like a home, you want a successful marriage fine forget about any other bloody temptation and be decent. But I guess in the end lies are what keeps people together. Once the truth is out, love dies and so the relationship" he was astonished, however the passion in her voice made him answered to her in a similar tone, changing completely the direction he had imagine for the evening.

"Don't be absurd, that would imply people need to systematically lie in order to keep their relationships, if anything the play is a critique on those precise actions, while normal people try to have loving relationships in honesty, even when sometimes is easier to say a lie. And there's a complete difference between lying to save your arse and conceal your dishonesty, and lying to be socially functional"

"So you never lie?" She asked now completely furious of what she felt was hypocrisy.

"Everybody lies, that's the point, there is a difference in being oblivious on other people's feelings imposing your wrong personal opinions and pretend that's some moral high honesty, and being polite enough to avoid subjects that may hurt others" He said now crossing her arms, pleased with her momentary silence until she start to look for something in her purse trying to hide the hurt in her face.

"Exactly" She said finally putting a couple £50 notes on the table and looking at him with anger in her eyes "Like asking stupid women out so they don't feel like total idiots for hitting on you while they were drunk? That kind of politeness?"

"What?" He said flabbergasted finally rising his voice "That's why you think I asked you out?"

"Oh don't patronize me!" She said also rising her voice and standing up "It must've been so funny, asking a girl who is obsessed with you on a date, what amazingly beautiful act of chivalry. You know what you are? You are an entitled selfish bastard, who gets off on the world worshiping him." She took her purse of the table and put her coat back on, and before leaving she add "And men can't be feminist, you would know that if you read a book on feminist theory instead the glorified misogynistic bastards you adore"

She quickly move away from the table leaving a perplex Tom behind, but before she could exit the restaurant he started following her, reaching her just a couple meters from the valet parking station next to the restauran small planters.

"Oh this is very mature of you" he called her "You owe me an explanation"

"I don't owe you shit" He was close enough so he catch her by her wrist.

"Or at least let me take you home" he said turning her around, she rise her other hand and he prepared his right cheek for what he anticipated will be a slap, but something caught her eye and instead and she took her hand to her ear and to his surprise she change her voice to a high pitch whining, causing him to let her go.

"Oh whe is it? Where did I leave it? It must have fallen here" she started looking for something in the planters and kneeling near the fence.

"Are you having a stroke?" He asked getting down to her level "what are you looking for?"

"There's a guy with a camera hiding behind a car two meters from you" she said rapidly in a whisper, she quickly put one of her earrings in his hand and said: "Follow my lead, don't look back. Stand up now"

He did as she told him and they stand up, he was still holding the earring in his hand when she took it smiling wide, and putting it back on, and then for his surprise hugging him.

"Smile, get back inside, go to the bar, order a drink and then come back and ask for your car" she said using the proximity to whisper in his ear.

"Why?" He asked and the breaking the contact.

"Just trust me" she said between her teeth and smiling again. He returned the smile and nodded, going back in completely clueless of what was happening, in inside corner of his eye he could see the man with the camera.

He order a glass of wine, but he barely even touch it, the ten minutes he waited felt like eternity and finally he exited the place again. He give the ticket to the valet. The young man went for it immediately and he couldn't help to feel observed. When his car finally arrived and he tried to tip him the guy simply said "it's taken care of, drive safe" He nodded and get in his car not surprised to see Y/N already in the passenger seat.

He drove off and once they were a couple blocks away they looked at each other, and before anyone could talk they started laughing hysterically but it also felt cathartic.

"Care to explain what happened love?" He asked now back to his normal tone "Did you break into my car?"

"Of course not, Philip amm... the valet guy, he works half time as a medical assistant in my hospital. A couple weeks ago he told me that sometimes the waiters of that restaurant call the papers to get scoops on celebrities, and I assumed you didn't want my stupid tantrum in the first page tomorrow"

"Well no, but at least I'm glad you admit it was a tantrum. Can I know what happened?"

"Oh, the guy with the camera come asking me why you were chasing after me, I told him I made a scene in the restaurant because I couldn't find my late grandmother earrings and this handsome" She said exaggerating an innocent voice "who I didn't catch his name, help me found it, then I texted Philip to let me get inside your car, because I supposed he will be waiting for you to come out"

"That's amazing and clever" he said genuinely impressed by her story "But I meant at the restaurant"

"Oh... I had a terrible day, and I leashed out on you" she said turning red. "I am really sorry, you are not an entitled bastard, and everything I said... it was just out of place. I completely respect your acting, and I shouldn't have expressed myself that way" she apologized for all the things she have said without him interrupting her while he drive back to her place.

"Don't worry about it" he said finally smiling at Y/N again with the most candid smile he had given her yet "I'm sure other people have called me worst, just not to my face, and I do appreciate your honesty. Just one thing." He said parking the car at her door. "That's not why I asked out, and I apologize because I didn't make my intentions clear in the beginning. Nevertheless this was a fun experience"

"Said that again" she said without thinking.

"This was really fun I actually enjoyed your company..."

"No, that word 'nevertheless' sounds way more powerful when you say it."

"Nevertheless?" He said getting out of the car.

"Yeah, I actually have a tattoo that says nevertheless she persisted" she started playing with her keys in her doorway, looking pleased by the interest he show on that detail.

"You do go out protesting huh?" He said taking one step closer.

"I do, and I'm really sorry again" she said looking away and finally putting the keys in the lock.

"And again it's nothing really, so now... am I'll guess..."

"I'll see you around" she said, he kissed her on the cheek and she entered her flat, wishing to forget everything about that day.

By the time she was back at the theater next day, she was hoping to leave all behind, but everyone seemed to be obsessed with Tom's random act of kindness to a stranger that thank goodness the camera hadn't focused well.

She chose to hide inside her office the rest of the night until by the time she assumed everyone will be leaving someone knocked on her door, she opened thinking Caroline may be needing something, but she was surprised when she saw Tom standing there.

"Today it's my birthday, and we are going to celebrate, would you like to come by? I can't help to remind how you called Charlie and Zawe mister and miss, and I think they would like you" he said passing his fingers trough his hair distractedly.

"I know, yeah I would love too" She said immediately "But first, please come in, I... um... I actually got you something, it's a birthday present and also a peace offering for the way I acted yesterday" She went to her desk with him following behind her. She took something from the drawer "You are an amazing Robert, and I know you like to research your characters, I mean you probably have read this already but I thought you might like it" she give him a neatly wrapped brown package with a nice blue ribbon on top.

He opened unceremoniously with a child like expressions, touched by her gesture. And he opened his mouth in excitement and disbelief when he saw the book inside.

The Wild Swans at Coole. Other Verses and a Play in Verse. YEATS, W. B.

"Is this a...?"

"A signed original edition, yes." She said happy "I assume you have many of this but I couldn't think of anything else to give you"

"It's perfect actually" he said already carefully opening the book "This is too much, thank you"

"Your welcome" she took her purse and stand up ready to leave. "So where are we going?"

"Right right" He said standing up too. "You are gonna love this guys".

That had been the end of their would be romance and also the beginning of their friendship, but while Y/N tried on one of the multiple dresses Zewe had chosen for her the idea of trying again started to look less and less crazy, her plan was already in motion, she only hoped now that he would feel the same, and even more important than that, she prayed she wouldn't loose him in case he didn't.

[ice-cream-nekogirl]

Chocolate Milk and a Sharky Smile (Kirishima Eijirou x Reader)

Summary: You find yourself in Kirishima’s bed after a bad night of drinking no thanks to some so-called friends, and he’s so nice you can’t help but fall for him.

Hehe I totally alluded to Happy Death Day, cuz I love that movie lol sue me

And I used italics for the characters’ inner thoughts that the reader, a.k.a You, can read, and the reader here is kinda chubby I forgot to mention that in the title.

Warning: This one contains some somewhat graphic imagery of attempted sexual assault and may have some other triggering material in it that refer to sexual assault, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, bullying and fat-shaming.

Featuring: Best Boy Kirishima!

Isn’t anyone tryin’ to find me? Won’t somebody come take me home It’s a damn cold night Trying to figure out this life Won’t you take me by the hand Take me somewhere new I don’t know who you are But I, I’m with you

‘I’m With You’ by Avril Lavigne

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qHWIvq_WR4

Mind-reading. What a terrible quirk.

You swear you would rather be quirkless than be stuck with the current quirk you had. You hated it, because while your friend Shinsou told you it was useful for gathering information on villains and people, it made you useless in combat and on top of that it made it near impossible for you to trust people. Since you could sense and hear their intentions, and you didn’t trust easily either so it just made everything more difficult in your life.

Countless people pretended to be nice to you and you heard it in their heads. Which is why you couldn’t believe that you let yourself fall for this so-called guy-friend of yours’ tricks. Initially you had been keen on him, but now that he pressured you into coming to this wild party you were currently at, not anymore.

“Go on… drink it…”

You should have known better, but for some reason you let the peer pressure from him and some of your other so-called girl-friends pressure you. His name was Mageru, and he was a handsome boy with a fairly strong binding quirk in your General Studies class, but those good looks meant nothing to you anymore after he brought you to this party that you just wanted to leave. As soon as he guilt-tripped you into going, you didn’t have a choice.

But now you were miserable and being forced to down drink after drink just to please some of the nastier peers who looked at you with judgmental eyes as you felt dizzy from all the alcohol in your system as you reluctantly downed another cup of whatever that was getting you drunk.

And your mind-reading quirk didn’t do anything to help you as the voices grew louder in your head, even though many of them were drunk they were still way too loud for you and giving you such a headache. After a while you couldn’t take it anymore and stumbled your way out of there, unaware that you were being followed by the jerk you had no idea why you even liked in the first place. You never should have had those drinks because now your mind was too hazy that everything in your path looked like blurred mist as you focused on your surroundings. You were close to UA, so that meant home wasn’t too far…

“Heeeey…” But then you heard an unwanted voice slur into your ear as you realized that he had yanked your body into his, with a low groan you tried to pry him off you. “I gotta go home…” You shook your head, even if you were drunk you managed to at least say that, but he wasn’t nearly as drunk as you were, and clearly willing to use your intoxication for all it was worth for him.

“Aww c’mon (Y/N)… I invited you for a reason. So you can have fun! Don’t be a goddamn prude… let me take care of ya… I know how to make a pretty girl feel comfy…” Mageru held you closer, against your will as he wrapped one of his arms around your waist, attempting to sneak his fingers under your jeans and used his binding quirk to keep you against him tightly as you groaned at the discomfort as your legs buckled while you tried to get away.

“The guys… they want to come by too…” He said softly, and you heard more footsteps approaching, and as you blinked and narrowed your eyes in an attempt to see better, at least 2 more guys showed up, and they were wearing different school uniforms, very unlike your UA uniform.

‘Heh, she’s drunk enough…’

‘We might not get another chance…’

It became clear to you what they wanted from you based on their thoughts alone.

“I wanna go… let me go…” You muttered weakly as he didn’t loosen his grip on you. He wasn’t going to. “Oh no you can’t go. Not yet… you’re here to have a good time, and we’re gonna show you a good time okay stop being such a-“

“I said… LET ME GO!!”

Suddenly you shouted as loud as you could, forcefully pulling yourself away from him and distracting him as he released you once the force surprised him. Mageru growled as you hit the cold, hard concrete ground and tried to crawl away, but someone had taken a hold of your legs. “H-Hey…!” You tried to yell again, but your mind was so unfocused that it felt like everything was so distorted and you couldn’t help yourself.

“C’mon man this is a good spot.” One of his friends said, the other one grabbing his phone as your former friend knelt beside you and the third one was getting out his phone to record what they were about to do with an insidious grin. “See? We’re having fun already.” Mageru’s smile turned into a smirk as his friend held you down and then you felt the guy unbuttoning your jeans and their thoughts started ringing in your head when they held you down.

‘Oh yeah I’ve been waiting to get all up in this…’

‘I’m showin’ this to the rest of the guys later…’

‘This is some fine stuff right here…’

“No… no stop…” You shook your head, wiggling your legs and trying to kick away, but without strength as you tried to get up but then your ex friend just pinned you down with his palm to your head, pressing you against the grass as his friend started lowering your pants to expose your panties as you felt tears spring to your eyes as you kept shaking your head.

“No… No, no…!”

“HEY! What the hell are you guys doing?!” You heard another voice, another male, except this one sounded much more indignant as the three students flinched when caught in the act as the third guy dropped his phone in alarm. “Shit…!” He exclaimed, and quickly ran away as fast as he could.

“Ehhh…? Hey bud get outta here… this is none of your business, we’re just havin’ fun…” Mageru attempted to warn the person who had come just in time, you tried to make him out. The first thing you registered was his spiky red hair, and his angry expression complete with sharp teeth he bore. You couldn’t see how disgusted he looked; he wasn’t fooled at all by Mageru.

“That’s bullshit. You get off of her. Right now.” He said in a deadly serious tone as Mageru kept his hand on your head so you would stay down. But then Mageru’s second friend suddenly tried to attack the redhead with a punch, but he reacted fast by grabbing his fist and punching him square in the jaw, effectively knocking him out as he shouted and hit the ground. Leaving Mageru alone as he slowly let go of you, nervously grinning with his hands up.

“Come on now… we came from a party… we were havin’ fun…” He claimed, even though all the redhead could see was that you were in no position to fight back or even run away from these bastards who wanted to take advantage you.

“Yeah right. I know what you fuckers were trying to do. What kind of punks just corner a drunk girl?!” His fists shook, and Mageru took that as a challenge in his drunken mind.

“Fine… comin’ in to ruin my good time?! Fuckin’ Mr. Goody Goody Two Shoes?!” He shouted and let you go as he shot forward to try and shove the guy but was instantly met with a hardened fist to the face. A loud crack was heard, and then for extra measure he delivered a swift, fierce kick to the stomach as Mageru cried out, holding his bleeding nose and likely bruised stomach as he fell to the grass and pathetically groaned in pain.

“D-Damn you…!” He shouted, you swore he was starting to cry like a little bitch as he started to try and scurry away like a little cockroach before the other guy could beat him up any further.

‘These assholes… trying to take advantage a helpless girl… they’re disgraces to men…’

You heard the redhead’s thoughts as you slowly picked yourself up after you were finally freed from those bastards’ hold on you. Clumsily, you groaned and tried to stand up, but your lack of coordination and pants around your ankles made you stumble, and before you could hit the ground, a pair of strong arms suddenly caught you, saving you from a hard fall.

“N-No…” You shook your head, unsure to trust this person because you just escaped from a pervert’s arms, but this one didn’t feel like he was a pervert, and you could tell because he wasn’t being forceful.

“Hey, hey whoa, whoa it’s okay...! It’s okay... take it easy now...”

Was this the same person? His voice became much softer as you tried to get a better look at him. Red eyes that had taken a softer look compared to the fury he had earlier. “It’s okay I won’t hurt you I promise.” He spoke again, as you tilted your head slightly in confusion. God you were so drunk… but this stranger helped you, that much you could make out.

“Hi… my name’s Kirishima. I’ve seen you around maybe once or twice, aren’t you in the General Studies class?” Kirishima. So that was his name. You weren’t so sure you would remember it because you were so out of it, but you nonetheless smiled because this fella just saved you.

“Mmm… Kirishima…” Groaning tiredly, you said his name and leaned against him as he held you up, and you could hear him stuttering awkwardly as you suddenly put your arms around him for support, unable to use your legs because your brain was beginning to tell you it was time to sleep. “I’m (Y/N)… uh-huh… gen studs… tha’s me a’ight…”

“(Y/N) huh? I-It’s nice to officially meet you…” He sounded a little nervous, because you were so close to him and you giggled and pressed your cheek against your savior’s warm cheek. “You saved my life… y-you’re in the hero course right…? I see why… you’re nice…” You slurred quietly but you were close enough to Kirishima’s face to hear you as he cringed at the smell of alcohol on your breath. Although it just made him madder because he had (correctly) assumed that those fuckers forced you to drink this much since you were on the verge of passing out. It was a good thing he came outside for a nighttime stroll, because he didn’t want to imagine what could have happened if you did pass out and they had gotten to you.

“Take me with you… ‘m tired… sleepy… please? Can I come with you…? I wanna go with ya… i’s late… got class tuhmorrow… I got class…” You started to close your eyes, quietly yawning as Kirishima almost looked conflicted but there was no way he was going to leave you all alone while you were drunk like this. He had to take you home, and make sure you don’t trip, hurt yourself or choke on your own vomit.

‘Man those bastards… she’s out of it bad, ugh she stinks of booze…’

“Shuddup…!” You suddenly exclaimed in a sleepy tone since you could still hear his thoughts, much to his confusion because he wasn’t aware of your quirk. “I-I didn’t say anything…”

‘I am NOT leaving her alone… I don’t want to risk letting something happen to her while she’s like this… I’m taking her with me! It’s the manly thing to do after all!’

His thoughts were loud enough for you to hear as he carefully picked you up and you laughed quietly, at this point you trusted this person because he wasn’t hurting you. “Whee…” You smiled wide and felt yourself beginning to fall asleep in this stranger’s arms. “G’night Kirishima…”

He smiled sympathetically, “I’ve got you (Y/N)… I won’t let anyone else try and hurt you tonight…” Kirishima said to you gently as he carried you while you snuggled into him, loving how warm and soft he felt in this damn cold night.

However, Kirishima was feeling a little nervous at how close you were getting to him. He didn’t dare cross his boundaries though. He was going to take you to his dorm and give you a bed to sleep on, because although he wanted to take you home he had no idea where you lived, and he wasn’t going to get an address from you anytime soon once he noticed that you fell asleep in his arms…

“It’s okay (Y/N). You’ll be okay…” He said to you softly as he carried you off to Height’s Alliance, giving brief explanations to some of his classmates who started asking him questions, at least the ones who were still awake.

Next Morning brought to you by Evanescence’s 'WAKE ME UP’

Dreamland was dissipating before your eyes. At least until you realized your eyes were closed, and a sudden surge of agony began pulsing through your head as you kept your eyes shut. And then everything came back to you from the night before.

You got totally drunk no thanks to your so-called friends and Mageru tried something funny with you, at least until a boy from the Hero Course came in, but afterwards you just saw him and then afterwards everything was all black. So you assumed that was when you promptly passed out.

This wasn’t your bed. It didn’t feel like your bed, and yet it was so soft with a unique scent that you almost didn’t want to get out of it. And on top of that you didn’t really want to know where you had ended up after passing out, but an angry boy shouting in the distance was impossible to not hear.

“SHUT UP!!”

Well that officially woke you up. Now you couldn’t go back to sleep even if you wanted to, but you instantly regretted cracking your eyes open, your vision still blurred. It hurt for you to even blink, but you knew it was time to figure out where you were at even if you didn’t want to. Slowly, you picked yourself up from the bed you were in, letting your eyes adjust to the light. You were thankful for the slightly dimmed room as you looked around to see the place.

Lot of posters that seemed to be motivational, a punching bag, well that was cool. And some merchandise of that Crimson Riot pro-hero that you had recalled when your dad mentioned him once. This was definitely a guy’s room it seemed. And your thoughts were proven correct when you saw the person from yesterday, standing up and buttoning up his school uniform’s shirt before he suddenly noticed that you were awake and looking right at him.

“Oh! You’re up! Good morning!” He said to you politely and enthusiastically with a bright smile, but you just stared and frowned in confusion. Trying to remember his name, and it came to you after you stared at his face for a little bit to recall what he had told you last night.

“Kirishima?” You asked, and his smile grew as he nodded, “Yeah! You remember! I was almost worried you wouldn’t. You were pretty out of it last night…” Kirishima didn’t mean to sound so blunt, but it was true, and you knew it. But then you looked around and you saw a blanket and pillow on the floor, and it suddenly dawned on you. This was the Height’s Alliance for the Hero course students. You didn’t belong here.

“Am I in your dorm room…?” You then asked as the redhead’s smile slowly fell upon seeing how… surly you looked. He assumed that you were either remembering everything that happened last night or completely forgot about everything that happened last night.

“Y-Yeah… I… I didn’t know where you lived, so I brought you here to let you have a place to sleep.” He replied somewhat nervously as you gave a disappointed sigh, unable to believe that you had been stupid enough to give into peer pressure and drink so much. Now here you were, in a stranger’s dorm room that you had slept in too because he was kind enough to let you have his bed while he slept on the floor. God you felt like such a burden, but you couldn’t let this person know, you weren’t in the mood to be pitied or judged by anyone. In fact, you weren’t in any mood at all.

So you got up, gasping quietly upon seeing that you were only wearing panties and a large red shirt with the word ‘Motivation’ on it. The panties were yours but the shirt definitely didn’t belong to you. Your eyes beginning to widen when a few scenarios came to your head, feeling heat involuntarily creeping on your face.

“I-I called one of the girls to help put that on you!” He quickly exclaimed once he saw your expression, having called on Mina last night over to his room to come and help him take off your clothes to change you into one of his shirts, and she did so gladly to help. “I swear! I would never change a girl’s clothes… I-I mean unless I had to but I didn’t wanna seem like a weirdo..” You saw his cheeks starting to turn a little red, and as much as you didn’t want to believe him, there was nothing in his mind that hinted any dishonesty.

'Man I hope she doesn’t think I’m a pervert or something… that’s the last thing she wants to be around after last night…’

You said nothing even though he was talking and thinking, and you nearly cringed just remembering that you were nearly sexually assaulted last night by perverts. This guy however was clearly no pervert, but you were relieved to know that he at least got a girl to remove your clothes to put you in something more comfortable. But it was time for you to get out of it so you can just go to class and try to forget that this ever happened.

Without much shame, you lifted the larger shirt off yourself, exposing your (F/C) bra and (B/T) body (that you hated) to the boy in front of him as he let out a small yelp of surprise, quickly looking away with a heavy blush spread across his face, now looking quite flustered. “B-But I uh, folded your shirt and pants… I was sure you probably wouldn’t wanna wake up in day clothes…” He then pointed to your school uniform (and your jeans) that was on his desk, and you quickly grabbed them to start putting them on while Kirishima politely kept his eyes averted. It was actually pretty cute.

“I gotta get out of here… don’t mention this to anyone. All right?” You almost regretted how rude you sounded, but after the night you had and the hangover that was making your brain feel like it was being squeezed like a stress-ball, you just wanted to forget everything that happened.

“O-Oh… y-yeah no problem. Got it…” He stuttered a bit but didn’t argue with you because he was sure this was a lot to process.

“It’s all right now.” You put your pants and shoes back on and affirmed to him that you were decent and Kirishima turned to face you, his cheeks and ears still a bit flushed.

“Thanks I guess. I’m going to class now.” Without another word, you neglected to properly thank him, but Kirishima didn’t expect a thanks or anything. He wasn’t the type who expected anything in return after doing things for someone, but he was still kinda worried about how you must be feeling now that you were back in your right mind.

“Oh. Okay, yeah I’m gonna get ready too… maybe I’ll see you around?” He smiled at you, which confused you as you just carelessly shrugged your shoulders and furrowed your brows as you approached the door, which suddenly opened itself as you and Kirishima were greeted two more teenage males: A blonde boy and a small boy with weird purple balls for hair that resembled large grapes.

“Dude! How’d it go with that girl last…” The blonde somewhat loudly asked but stopped right at the end of his sentence as soon as he was met with your unfamiliar face as he awkwardly looked at you.

“Kirishima! I heard you brought a girl home and she’s sleeping in your bed?! You damn lucky bastard why do all of you guys get the girls so close to you?!” Mineta angrily asked with tears in his eyes as he finally took notice of you, his eyes widening with a lust that made you wanna gouge his eyes out. He would have tried to touch you, but the fire in your eyes was enough to terrify him into silence as he and Kaminari both got out of your way.

A look of disgust overcame your already sullen features as you glared at them, looking over at an embarrassed Kirishima as he nervously glanced at you.

“I’m… I’m sorry…” He tried to apologize on behalf of his friends, but you just smiled condescendingly at him before walking past the scared grape-haired boy and electric blonde with a scowl as you tried to find the way out of this building as fast as possible with your shoes in your hand.

“Nice one you dickheads! Way to make her feel uncomfortable!” Kirishima angrily scolded his friend and classmate, although only Kaminari really had the grace to look ashamed while Mineta just looked scared that he had angered both his classmate and a pretty girl.

You got out as fast you could, trying to ignore the way some of the other Hero course students had stopped to stare and glance over at you, including that rich girl, another girl with weird ear thingies, a girl who had a frog-face, a guy with black hair, Endeavor’s kid, the younger brother of the former hero Ingenium, the green-haired kid you remembered from the Sports Festival who beat Shinsou, the brunette girl with that gravity quirk and there was the winner of the Sports Festival himself. It was clear that they knew you didn’t belong here, and it was so embarrassing for you because you were a hundred percent sure that you looked horrible with your disheveled hair, bloodshot eyes that adorned heavy bags under them. At least your clothes were nicely folded thanks to Kirishima.

'It’s the girl Mina told me about… she doesn’t look so good…’

'Wow she looks terrible…’

'Probably had too much alcohol last night.’

'Dang, what happened to her?’

'Hm. So this is the girl.’

'He broke a few rules but Kirishima did the right thing…’

'O-Oh boy. She does not look happy at all… I hope she’s all right…’

'I wonder if we should help…’

'So Kirishima dragged in this extra huh?’

Their thoughts each came to you one by one, making your already aching head throb as you clutched at the side of your head with an irritated groan and glared at the ones who dared to gawk at you. “Shut the fuck up. All of you. I can’t hear myself think… and no I don’t need your goddamn help… I can get out of here myself…” You bitterly muttered to the Hero Course students, many of them (sans Endeavor’s kid) looking a bit confused and somewhat put off by your behavior. They had held their tongue so they didn’t know why you reacted like that, and you weren’t going to tell them that it was just your quirk. However, the Sports Festival winner was pissed by what you said and wasn’t going to tolerate that.

“HEY! What was that you wasted extra?!” He shouted, looking livid and glared at you but you kept walking with your back turned. So that was the guy who woke you up by shrieking not too long ago. As a small form of revenge, while you walked you brought your arm out and stuck your middle finger out to him, which just pissed him off even more as he tried to go after you, but you didn’t see the green-haired kid and Ingenium’s brother holding him back. “WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE YOU LOSER?! GET BACK OVER HERE SO I CAN KILL YOU!!”

You almost snickered at how loud that one was, and you were kinda glad that you irritated him like that. And you were kinda glad that you confused them all too when you read their thoughts and neglected telling them that you could read minds. They didn’t need to know, bunch of big shots, they probably felt so proud of themselves that one of their students decided to help poor, defenseless you.

Somewhat angrily, you walked out as quickly as you could and left the building. So far, today was shitty and you REALLY didn’t want to attend class today. Alas, life didn’t work that way, so once you got into the school building you went into the bathroom to at least try and look good by fixing up your hair as best as you could and washed your face so you didn’t look completely like shit. There was nothing you could really do to stop feeling like shit though.

After 15 minutes, you got out to go and head to your class but then a snobby voice made you pause. “Oh my gosh. Well if it isn’t the sneaky little bitch herself. Rad party last night huh? Not that great but still good right?” A pretty, slim girl with lovely dark brown hair and a fair amount of make-up had asked you, Hiromi was her name. She wasn’t exactly your friend, more like your frenemy because she was the snobbiest, most vapid girl in UA whose quirk allowed her to always look beautiful and make ugly things beautiful which gave her SUCH an ego. And on top of that she was SO annoying a good 90 percent of the time. “Who took you home last night? I can tell by the way you look like shit that someone was nice enough to take you home. And maybe a little something else~?” She asked with a smirk but you just chuckled and shook your head.

“God no. Nobody took me home, I mean come on look at me…” You defeated yourself a little bit, and there was no way you were going to tell her that a guy from the Hero Course had taken you to HIS dorm last night. That sweet guy from the Hero Course…

“Yeah. Actually you’re right, what was I thinking?” She snickered a bit, making you give her a fake laugh just to humor her. She never had anything nice to say about you as she frequently insulted your eating habits, weight and style of dress. Why were you friends with her again? “So like, I don’t know what happened, but Mageru’s not here today. Apparently he needed to go to the hospital cuz of a broken nose. You should see him now it’s hilarious.” Hiromi started to laugh and your eyes widened a little bit. Not remembering just how much Kirishima had beaten the guy, but the more you thought about it, the more you started to smile. That prick deserved it, but now you really felt bad for not giving Kirishima more of a thanks since he did that for you.

“Anyway. Meet us at lunch, I wanna discuss how to make our class look better. Ever since that purple-haired weirdo left I’m pretty confident that our class can finally look good.” She said and you rolled your eyes. Just like with you, Hiromi was never nice to Shinsou, always insulting his looks, his insomnia and his tastes in music, even though the boy never paid her any mind as you tended to defend him from her, and then she insulted you a lot more because you were actually on good terms with the guy. Unlike Hiromi, you were sad when he was able to join the Hero Course. Well you were happy that he would finally get to do what he wanted, but you were also sad that you lost the only person in your class that you didn’t want to punch in the throat.

And now you had to go to lunch with the rest of your so-called friends. At least Mageru wasn’t going to be there. You were SO going to Principal Nezu later to tell him about how he tried to sexually assault you later today.

…

Time seemed to just dredge on today as thoughts filled your head as you attempted to try and block everyone’s uninvited thoughts that were trying to make their way into your head. You tried to think, but at the same time you tried not to because every thought you had brought you back to what happened to you last night, when the person you thought was your friend had assaulted you and would have done worse if not for Kirishima.

But you didn’t want to think about him either, he made you feel so guilty and pathetic that you tried to block him out of your mind to. You just wanted to forget, you didn’t want to think about how Mageru betrayed you, violated you and wanted to take advantage of you in worse ways possible because you were so drunk because of him. So you resorted to what you always did, as soon as it was lunch you grabbed some of the most unhealthy things possible because food often made you forget about things, especially since you didn’t have any breakfast this morning.

“Chocolate Milk, fried noodles, bag of cookies, chips, small water bottle, milk and a bowl of soup just to try and eat something healthy-ish.” You muttered to yourself as you carried your tray over to where Hiromi and the rest of her bitches were at. Once you sat down you instantly felt all their eyes staring right at you, but you didn’t dare look up at them.

'Wow, someone’s looking to gain more weight.’

'She’s really gonna eat all that huh? Fatso.’

'Eww… why do that to yourself?’

Why did you put yourself through this? You don’t know why, but you refused to let their thoughts get to you as they remained silent until Hiromi spoke up. “(L/N), what in the world is that?” She asked you in a somewhat horrified voice. 

“Um, I didn’t eat breakfast this morning. I kinda have to eat?” You tried to sound matter-of-factly but Hiromi was relentless. “Well maybe it’s a GOOD thing you didn’t have breakfast. The rest of us haven’t had breakfast since we were 10 years old. And look at us, then look at you…” She said condescendingly with a look of disgust as you clenched your fists. 

You weren’t going to put up with this, shaking your head you picked your tray to go and leave but you didn’t see someone coming over to you as the two of you bumped right into each other, causing your tray and all your food to spill all over you.

Irritated and shocked, you immediately glared up at the offender. “You asshole!”

“Sorry! Sorry it was an accident!” But your eyes took a softer look once you saw that it was Kirishima who had bumped into you, “I’m really sorry (Y/N).” He looked guilty as he stared down at your uniform that was stained with chocolate milk, noodles and soup, which had gotten into your socks and shoes which felt disgusting. You were still irked about it, but you felt bad for yelling at him now.

“Wait. You guys know each other? A General Studies student and a Hero Course student? Are you hiding something from us (Y/N)?” Hiromi asked you and Kirishima, and the two of you both quickly exclaimed 'No’ in unison. 

“I just know his name…” You said, not really lying since you and Kirishima didn’t really know each other that well at all, other than each other’s names. “Y-Yeah that’s true…” He said in defeat, not wanting to embarrass you any further, but then you looked at him for an explanation.

“What are you doing here?” You asked somewhat curtly, and you were met with a phone. “You forgot your phone under my pillow and I knew you would need it.” He sheepishly said, trying to smile to lessen your bad mood but it wasn’t working. Although you did accept it when he gave it to you and you quietly thanked him as he kept his smile on, while you were trying not to blush. “What was YOUR phone doing under HIS pillow?” Hiromi asked again, her hands on her hips as the rest of the girls gave you questioning and judgy looks.

You froze a little bit, and as the girls stared at you, “N-Nothing…” Was all you could mutter out, but Hiromi didn’t believe you, “Yeah right. I smell a dirty little liar.” She smirked a little bit as the girls started to snicker, and their thoughts became rampant with accusations that you could hear loud and clear.

'Ew. She probably fucked him and is trying to keep it a secret.’

'Probably to score points with the Hero Course students.’

'I bet she thinks she’s better than us.’

'But why would this smoking hot guy want to sleep with her fatass?’

'She’s such a loser.’

'SO Pathetic.’

'What a slut.’

Closing your eyes at how the thoughts got louder, you cringed, shaking your head as your mind told you to just walk away, right now. So without looking at anyone, you turned around and walked out of the cafeteria as quickly as you could, ignoring the way Kirishima tried calling out to you and the high-pitched laughs coming from Hiromi and the girls.

First you desperately needed to get out of these clothes so you ran to your gym locker to put your PE uniform on, you weren’t going to walk around wearing a dirty uniform covered in food. Once you had that on, you left the locker room and headed outside to try and clear your head despite the fact that you were still hungover. Nothing was going right today at all, this morning was terrible and now the afternoon was terrible, how much worse could it get? You wondered as you stood outside the school, gasping when you heard loud thunder crackling and looked above to see grey clouds with a small white streak that indicated lightning as the first drops came down and dripped down your face.

There were other students outside and they noticed that the weather had taken a turn for the worse. Normally you didn’t mind the rain, but as you looked up a sudden downpour washed over you and drenched your new clothes and you gasped, having to retreat into the building quick as the rest of the students outside followed shortly inside, but someone was rude enough to push you out of the way and made you fall to the ground with a loud 'OH!’ of pain.

You heard some laughter as you picked yourself up, shivering from how cold and wet you had gotten thanks to the rain and got out of the crowd. Apparently rumor had spread about how you left the Height’s Alliance building and now you were hearing all sorts of gossipy thoughts from every student that passed you. You tried hard to ignore them, but they were just louder and louder.

It was so overwhelming, all the loud voices that were ringing and screaming in your sore ears as you moved away from everyone, keeping your distance as you felt your stomach churn from a bundle of nerves you didn’t know had settled inside you. You couldn’t stop shivering from the cold wetness that drenched your body, at least you thought it was the cold. You swallowed hard, gasping shakily as dread crawled inside your body, grabbing you by the throat and clutching your chest, making it hard for you to catch your breath as you started sweating from the strain and your eyes burned with tears because of how this feeling was strangling you. 

They were so loud, it was driving you insane and you could no longer hear yourself think. It made you feel so sick you thought you were going to throw up. Yet you didn’t, but you couldn’t help but lower yourself to the floor of the hallway, shutting your tearful eyes so you wouldn’t have to look at anybody anymore. Desperately, you threw your hands to your ears to try and block everything and everybody as you quivered and softly cried where you sat while everyone’s disgusting and false thoughts kept shrieking loudly like banshee’s in your brain. 

You were so shaken up that you almost didn’t hear a familiar voice, “Hey! Hey! Get out of the way! Hey (Y/N)!” You noticed that was Kirishima’s voice but you didn’t dare open your eyes for fear that it was just your mind playing tricks on you. Kirishima heard the rumors and he was worried about you ever since you left his dorm and the cafeteria, and as soon as he saw you like that, he quickly made his way over to you, even pushing some people who were laughing at you. As soon as he got to you, he quickly crouched down to your level. “(Y/N) are you all right…?” There was that soft voice again, you remembered it from last night.

Because he was the only good thing that was happening to you right now, you found yourself able to trust enough to open your glossy (E/C) eyes, looking up at him sadly. His gentle red hues looking at you with worry. “Are you okay?” Kirishima asked you, even though he was sure you weren’t, he wanted to at least try and make you feel okay.

'I can’t believe these guys… (Y/N) doesn’t deserve this…’

Your bottom lip quivered, remorse filling your heart because this boy was so nice to you even though you did nothing to return the favor and yet despite the horrible day you were having, he somehow showed up every time to make it just a little bit better by smiling at you. Not a single ulterior motive in his head. Before you knew it, you suddenly lunged yourself into him and threw your arms around the boy, making him nearly shout in shock from such a sudden move, but he didn’t and wouldn’t pull you away as you clutched at his shirt, squeezing your eyes and letting your tears fall. It took you a while to properly talk, but you took a large inhale before you found enough composure to say something. “I’m sorry… I-I’m so sorry Kirishima…” You apologized, hugging him a little tighter as he tried to not tear up at how miserable you sounded.

“Sorry? Why are you sorry…? You didn’t do anything wrong… you’ve got nothing to apologize for.

"Y-You… you gave me your bed… h-helped me when I got drunk like a moron… and took care of those assholes just to protect me… t-then you brought me back my phone… you didn’t have to a-any of that… but you did anyway… a-and, and I never once said 'thank you’… not like I should have… so… thank you… thank you so, SO much for all of that… God I can’t even thank you enough… that’s so much more than anyone has ever done for m-me…” More tears streamed down your face as your breathing started to hitch, making you hiccup as Kirishima then brought his arms around you, returning your hug and stroking your back gently to try and calm you down.

“Shhh, hey, hey now… it’s okay… it’s going to be okay… you’re going to be okay (Y/N)…” You felt so safe, safer than you’ve ever been because of how gentle he was being. “I know we don’t know each other, but I was happy to help out as much as I could…” Kirishima said with a little smile, and he meant every word because you didn’t hear a single deceptive thought from him. 

As he hugged you, you found oxygen greeting your lungs again as your heartbeat slowed down and you felt as if you could just melt in his warm embrace. You loved it, you loved how kind he was to you and how he made you forget about everything that just happened. He made you forget about Mageru, about Hiromi and about all the rumors people were making about you and him, the horrors you had to suffer didn’t leave you, but at least Kirishima was here to say that you were going to be okay. He was so warm and comforting that you wanted him to stay with you just a little while longer even though you knew realistically that it couldn’t happen because of your classes.

It took a while for you to completely calm down, but Kirishima was so patient with you and didn’t let you go because you were still clutching at him and basking in the comfort of his warm body. “Thanks for this…” You mumbled in the crook of his neck, making him blush a little bit. “You’re welcome… anytime okay?” He asked you, not caring that he didn’t know you as well as he did others, he always wanted to help people who needed it. And after last night and today, he wanted to make sure you were okay because he was truly starting to care for you almost like a friend even if he knew you and him were just acquaintances at best.

“I want to know you.” You suddenly said once you finally calmed down, and Kirishima perked up a bit and you both finally pulled away for a bit. “Oh really? Ya do?” He asked, almost excitedly as you started to blush and you tried not to look too eager but Kirishima’s smile looked so adorable it was impossible for you to not smile. “Y-Yeah… I mean… you already saw my bra and let me sleep in your bed…”

Kirishima’s eyes widened and now he was the one blushing when he recalled seeing you change your clothes in front of him earlier that morning, and you couldn’t help but smirk a little bit. “And you actually helped me when no one else did… I think that earns you something… and I honestly hate every single person in my class… ever since Shinsou joined the Hero Course in Class 1-B I don’t really have any friends that I actually like so… yeah… I wanna get to know you…” You said more seriously as your face grew warmer. You wanted to say that you were with him all the way, but it felt too soon for you to say that so you just offered him your friendship. And yet secretly, you hoped that it would turn into something more overtime because there was no way you were letting this one go.

Kirishima’s eyes remained slightly wide as he listened to you talk, but his smile grew when you more or less said that you wanted to be friends, and how could he turn down that offer? “Oh sure! Heck yeah I wanna get to know you too! I’ll be your friend!” He cheerfully exclaimed as you chuckled a little bit. 

“Since we’re officially meeting now that I’m not drunk… my name is (Y/N) (L/N).” This time you informally introduced yourself so he knew your whole name and brought your hand out for him which he gladly took to firmly shake. “And I’m Eijirou Kirishima!” He shared his full name with you as you shyly smiled, so his first name was Eijirou. What a pretty name, you thought.

“Uh… you mind taking me to my class? I’ll show you the way… sorry… I really can’t bring myself to go back by myself…” You asked him in a somewhat embarrassed voice as he happily nodded and smiled, “No I don’t mind at all! I’m always happy to help, lead the way!” He let you lead the way as you walked to your respective classes together, and you decided to actually talk to him.

“So you see… sometimes just coming to school is overwhelming… I get nervous around so many people… and it doesn’t help that my quirk lets me read people’s minds.” You admitted, deciding to let him know that as his eyes widened again and that knowledge allowed him to puzzle the pieces together, so that’s why you were covering your ears. The thoughts must have been too loud for you, but then his eyes grew more wide when he realized that you could probably hear what he was thinking right now.

“You can hear what people are thinking…?” He asked you, and you tried your hardest not to snicker as you nodded. “That’s right… I didn’t think you were a pervert by the way. At first I didn’t believe you… but I knew you didn’t take advantage of me last night… you don’t have a single bad thought in that sweet head of yours.” Your smirk grew as Kirishima’s face began to redden, but he still grinned at you bashfully.

“No way! I mean yeah no I’m not a pervert but no way… I would never take advantage of a drunk person ever! That’s beyond unmanly! Anyone who does anything like that… doesn’t deserve to be called a man or a person at all!” He stated, sounding a little angry at that last part because he was thinking about those assholes that were trying to do exactly that to you last night. Although you started to frown a little bit just remembering it, Kirishima’s concerned look made you smile again. This guy was just too sincere, a total sweetheart all the way.

“Well… you’re super manly for helping me get somewhere safe when I was drunk, and letting me have your bed… and for being nice to someone when they’re all by themselves and feeling miserable… there’s nothing manlier than that…” You said rather softly, smiling warmly at the redhead who was grinning at you sweetly and looking almost coy. “Aww thanks…!” But what you said also made him really happy, since he always aspired to be as manly as possible, and hearing you say that just gave him that validation.

You almost wanted to hold his hand, and this time you wouldn’t care what Hiromi and the others would think of you. Hiromi. That gave you an idea. “Follow me Kirishima…” You said to your new friend, who looked confused but he shrugged and respectfully obeyed as you started running towards the cafeteria that had less people than it did earlier, but you quickly made a fast order for two cups of chocolate milk and went back to Kirishima. “Chocolate milk?” He asked with more confusion evident in his tone as you smiled and nodded. “Uh-huh.” He then watched you make your way over back to that girl who was so mean to you.

Hiromi was talking to the girls about how disappointing 'some people’ are because of their eating habits and for being 'slutty’ by sleeping with students from the hero course, but she almost widened her eyes once she saw you standing right in front of her. “Oh well if it isn’t the Hero Course Ho. Well at least you came back to the right people.” She crossed her arms, not too happy to see you even though you were smiling, something you hadn’t done in a very long time. 

“First of all Hiromi. You see that boy with the sharky smile?” You pointed to a surprised looking Kirishima who nervously grinned and waved, showing off that sharky smile you had just mentioned. “He actually helped me, something none of you fucks ever did. I like him more than I like any of you, and guess what? I’m gonna be HIS friend from now on, and I’m not hanging out with any of you anymore, I’m not giving you girls anymore hot gossip, no more secrets, no more answers to homework and tests. Nothing.” You said to them, your smile becoming more of a grin as Hiromi’s eyes widened a little bit at how you more or less broke off the 'friendship’ that you had, but she scoffed and tried to look cool, even when the other girls were going 'no!’ because they relied on your mind-reading quirk to let you help them cheat on homework and share gossip to use as blackmail against other students.

“Whatever. You’re not good enough to be part of our crew anyway. You’re just some fatso who drinks chocolate milk and screws with dopey, spiky-haired douchebags from the Hero course. What kind of girl needs a man to help her?” She put her hands on her hips, trying to talk you down like she always did, but today it wasn’t working. Although you didn’t care for how she insulted Kirishima. At all.

“I might not have the strongest quirk. But NEVER talk shit about Kirishima.” You said to her lowly, yet calmly as you held the two cups of chocolate milk in your hands and then spilled both cups all over Hiromi and the rest of the girls, making them shoot up and squeal highly with horror upon being soaked with the sticky, sugary milk, ruining their hair and staining their uniforms which caught quite a few of the remaining students’ attention. 

You turned to see a wide-eyed Kirishima with his mouth agape as you started to laugh when Hiromi screamed. “MY HAIR!! YOU BITCH! YOU FUCKING BIIIIITCH!!” She started sobbing dramatically as she ran off, still shrieking and crying as a few other students kept on laughing and the other wet girls ran off in different directions, while some followed Hiromi.

Satisfied with what you did, you let out a cheerful laugh as you carelessly tossed the empty cups to the floor and actually skipped back to Kirishima, who was trying to not snicker at what he just saw. “Wow! That was… that was actually pretty awesome! You stood up to a jerk who tried to tear you down, now that’s just… so manly!” He exclaimed and seemed almost moved by your act of bravery, looking at you somewhat admiringly as you blushed and smiled shyly.

'This girl is amazing! I’m so glad that we’re friends now! I sure hope the rest of my class will like her…’

So pure. You thought, even though you kinda had to apologize to the rest of the Hero Course for being so rude this morning. “I kinda have to apologize to them first…” You chuckled a bit and he perked up, feeling kinda nervous since you implied that you knew what he was thinking. “Now that I did what I came here for… let’s go back to doing what we were supposed to do…” He got what that meant, and you both left the cafeteria to go and find your classes.

However, you had asked to see his class first so you could apologize to 1-A for your behavior this morning, and you smiled and waved when you came into the room. “Hey.” You greeted them pretty casually as many of them perked up, having recognized you from this morning but they weren’t sure how to react to your new attitude.

'Ah! It’s her!’

'But she’s smiling?’

'So different from this morning…’

“So yeah… some things were said… and I regret it. I was a bitch… there I said it, but I really am sorry for how mean I was. I don’t want to be enemies with anyone here, unless you wanna be my enemy that is.” You apologized, and nearly all of them (except for Bakugou) accepted. “It’s no problem! We apologize if we might have made you uncomfortable this morning with our staring.” Ingenium’s brother, Iida apologized and bowed to you as you snickered a bit, appreciating his politeness as you shrugged.

“It’s okay. I’ve gotten worse stares.” You held no grudge this time, since it was true, those weren’t the worst stares you’ve gotten from people. “The truth is my friends suck… and you guys seem WAY cooler… Shinsou’s said some mostly good things about you guys…” You added, as a few of them started to smile and their thoughts were some of the most pleasant you had heard all day. Except for that little grape-haired boy…

“So… does this mean you’re gonna hang out around us more like Shinsou?” The electric blonde you remembered from this morning, Kaminari asked you somewhat hopefully, obviously thinking that you had a cute face since you could hear him thinking exactly that and you couldn’t help but smirk and go over to him. “Why yes it does you naughty boy!” You playfully and softly patted his butt as he jumped a bit and blushed quite madly, his eyes wide with shock (pun intended) as Jirou and Sero started snickering at how flustered he was.

“Kirishima’s you guys’ friend… any friend of his, is a friend of mine.” You went back over to Kirishima, who was smiling widely at you, at least until one of his friends glared at you. “Well I’m sure as hell not going to be your friend you damn drunk!” Bakugou shouted at you, obviously not interested in your offer of friendship despite the fact that the rest of his classmates, especially Kirishima were accepting of it. However, you couldn’t help but smile at the angry blonde.

And you giggled a little bit, which just made him even madder, which Kirishima could see. “Aww c'mon Bakugou… (Y/N)’s not bad at all once you get to know her.” He tried to reassure his friend, but Bakugou wasn’t having it as he scoffed and kept his angry gaze on you as you smiled at Kirishima. “And you’re gonna get to know me all right.” You winked at Bakugou before you turned to face Kirishima, cupping his face before you suddenly kissed him gently on the lips as the redhead made a surprised sound, his face turning almost as red as his hair when he felt how soft your lips felt on his as he closed his eyes and slowly kissed you back and gently put his hands on your shoulders.

An array of shocked gasps and exclamations were heard throughout the entire class, many of the students, especially Midoriya, Iida, Uraraka, Yaoyorozu, Jirou, Aoyama, Ojiro and Sero who were wide-eyed and blushing at such a sight.

“P-Public Displays of Affection are prohibited in a school setting!” Iida exclaimed, very flustered as he waved his arm dramatically, but neither you or Kirishima paid him any mind. As the rest of his classmates were forced to witness, some were quite flustered and blushing, while some of the others only looked slightly less shocked, such as Tsuyu, Todoroki, Tokoyami, Shoji, Satou and Koda who had looked away as they blushed.

“AWWWWW!” Mina however, started to fawn all over the kiss as she saw that as a seal of a new relationship. “How romantic!” And Hagakure seconded the emotion as she and her pink friend cheered. “Ha! Way to go Kirishima!” Despite how you teased him, Kaminari was extremely happy for his friend. “Damn you Kirishima! It’s not fair! It’s not fair!!” Mineta cried with his fists clenched at how 'lucky’ his classmate was for having scored with a pretty girl.

“G-Get a room you idiots!” Bakugou actually stuttered a bit, his cheeks a slight red hue as he averted his eyes in disgust upon seeing the person he could call his best friend kiss a girl he didn’t really like at all.

But you cheerfully ignored him, even if you did eventually pull away from the wide-eyed, blushing Kirishima, your own cheeks a bright rosey pink. “I have to go… but do you want to hang out maybe after school is over?” You asked, a little shyly but excitedly as the redhead stuttered, obviously still rather surprised from how you kissed him but he snapped out of it once he registered your question.

“Oh yeah! Yeah totally! I’m down with that (Y/N)…” He finally answered, still looking flustered but excited as you giggled and reluctantly pulled away to head out the door. “I’ll definitely see you around.” You smiled at him, repeating what he had told you earlier this morning before you waved to him, and he happily waved back to you.

“And... thanks again Kirishima… thanks for today…” You said one more time, and he just smiled that smile that you had fallen for.

“You’re always welcome (Y/N).”

You were definitely with him.

[freddyabberline]

the world in its hypocrisy

rating: g characters: jacob, abberline pairing: sorta jacob/freddy word count: 1242 read on ao3

buy me a coffee!

“i burned down the alhambra,” jacob says before he’s even entirely inside the window.

had he been anyone else, frederick would have shot him; as it was, he slowly lowered his pistol, heartbeat thundering loud with adrenaline in his ears. he might still shoot him.

“jacob? you what?”

“i burned down the alhambra,” the assassin repeats as he pulls his leg over the window sill and sinks to the floor. “i... i burned...”

frederick can hear the misery in his voice, now, see the way his shoulders are curled inwards in the faint light from outside. he sighs and gently sets his pistol on the table near his bed, deftly flipping down the photo there as well before padding over to where jacob sat slumped against the wall just below the window, the wood floor chilly on his bare feet.

“take some breaths,” frederick urges, and he tries not to sound as tired as he feels. he puts a hand on jacob’s shoulder. “calm down and tell me what’s happened.”

for once in his life jacob listens, draws in a few stilted, shuddering breaths and tucks his head between his knees. this close frederick can smell the smoke and see the ash smeared across his face- but he smells alcohol, too, the faintest whiff, and he’d heard the slurring in jacob’s voice.

“i was at the alhambra,” jacob manages shakily. frederick settles down on the floor close to him, close but not touching, their only point of contact his hand on the other man’s shoulder. “it was... a trap, so obviously a trap, but i didn’t... i went anyway.”

he sniffs, loud. “it was my fault. evie was right- i shouldn’t have gone.”

frederick squeezes his shoulder, a comfort that jacob leans into even as he scrubs at his face, trying to hide the tear tracks that cut through the grime. “why were you at the alhambra, jacob?”

it’s a long, long time before he answers. “do you know the name maxwell roth?”

and, oh, does he. frederick draws in a sharp, hissing breath through his teeth, feels the way jacob tensed beneath his hand. the man had a rap sheet kilometers long, though no one had ever managed to keep him behind bars long enough to see him to trial.

something sinks in frederick’s stomach like a leaden weight. he was hardly intimately familiar with roth’s crimes, but from what he knew...

“jacob,” frederick says, “please tell me you didn’t.”

there was so much he turned a blind eye to for jacob and his sister, but aiding roth- in his murdering, his robbing, his wanton destruction and disregard for life and law, his cold-blooded callousness- was something he couldn’t ignore.

jacob make a miserable sort of sound, and that’s answer enough.

“christ,” frederick breathes and moves to pull back his hand, but jacob lashes out lightning-fast and holds tight, gloved fingers curling around frederick’s wrist almost hard enough to bruise.

“i killed him, freddy,” jacob says quietly, and then, “i think he loved me.”

frederick goes still. “roth is dead?”

jacob makes a noise in the affirmative.

“but you worked with him?”

“for a bit. he... he wanted to leave a warehouse to burn. there were children inside. we had a disagreement.”

“why, though?” frederick just can’t understand it. “he is- he was- a monster. why help him?”

“he wanted to take down starrick,” jacob answers, and then they’re quiet for a long time. when he continues, his voice is very small, “he called me a hero. the bravest man in london, he said.”

“oh, jacob.” he can’t stop the pity in his voice because it was pathetic, that jacob would be so starved for affection or a kind word that he’d involve himself with such a man.

“freddy,” jacob says suddenly, sitting up straight and turning to face frederick fully. his grip on frederick’s wrist tightens painfully and he looks desperate, wild-eyed. “freddy, i’m just like him, aren’t i? we’re the same, him and me, aren’t we?”

“not in the least,” frederick says, firm and immediate in a way that surprises them both. it was true, though, at least in frederick’s mind; while reckless and impulsive, jacob still had a heart. he still cared about others. he was still good. 

he’d never met the man, but frederick was fairly sure there hadn’t been anything good left in roth for a long, long time.

“i think he loved me,” jacob repeats his words from earlier, still sounding distraught, “why would he do that? why would he love me if we weren’t alike? and what does that say about me, that we’re both-?”

the assassin chokes up, and a strange roil of emotion gets caught in frederick’s throat, a tangle he doesn’t want to think too deeply about. “both men?”

jacob swallows thickly and nods. “it’s wrong.”

frederick is a police officer. he’s arrested sodomites, busted molly houses. he believed in god, too, and he prayed, and sometimes he even went to church. but that didn’t mean that either the law or the divine were quite so clear cut.

(loving martha had taught him that. god was meant to be benevolent, but he’d taken her from him after only a few scarce weeks of marriage.

he doesn’t know what to do with this confession from jacob, this almost-unreal moment of raw vulnerability. they were colleagues, and perhaps even friends, and yes, maybe frederick did find himself pleased when given a chance to speak with jacob and more flustered than he ought to be at his teasing, but his own feelings, own thoughts and turmoils- meant nothing, not here, not now.)

“if you think it is,” frederick answers eventually, uncomfortable and keenly aware of the distance between them, the warmth of jacob’s hand through his glove, the ash and gin smell of him. “but only if you think it is. only god can judge us, jacob, and i think... love is a thing so scarce in this world, it can’t possibly be bad.”

he feels almost embarrassed with the way jacob looks at him then, wide-eyed and wondrous as if frederick was something new he’d never seen before, and he tugs the arm still in the other man’s grip. jacob lets go as if he’d been burned, and frederick allows himself only a moment to rub at the bruises already darkening a circle ‘round his wrist.

“you really think so?” jacob asks, and federick eyes him a moment before nodding just once. “oh, freddy, you’re just so full of surprises.”

he can’t help the smile that twitches about his mouth at that, or the sparkle- however dull- that’s re-entered jacob’s eye. but then a thought occurs to him and it slips away, his expression falling into a frown. “the alhambra’s an hour’s walk from st. pancras.”

jacob stills. “so it is.”

“why did you come here, jacob?”

the man thinks about that for a moment, expression going distant. “i needed somewhere to go, somewhere i wouldn’t see any of my rooks or, or evie, or anyone. i can’t see them right now, i just can’t. it... hurts. i don’t know why.”

“start from the top, then,” frederick sighs, leaning to bump his shoulder against jacob’s. grief was a constant enough companion to frederick that it was almost refreshing to face someone else’s for once. “let’s get you cleaned up, and then you can tell me about roth and the alhambra from the beginning.”

[wickednerdery]

Title: FrostBitten: Cracks in the Ice Author: @wickednerdery Fandom: Marvel Pairing/character: Loki x Reader (& Jotun!OC) Rating: Mature Summary: “The real you.” Notes: This is a series/multi-chapter fic - Masterlist Here. Ulfr is a Frost Giant, more clearly so than Loki, and “played” by Lee Pace. This piece is two sections, one with Ulfr and the other with the reader and Loki. The whole thing in general is dark, this one’s mostly just angst and violence though…For consistency and length it gets a “Read More”.

Ulfr freezes his door, his room, to a thickness that assures privacy from all, save perhaps Loki. He growls irritation seeing Tia’s body still on the bed; he forgot about her. Lacking his usual patience he simply opens a window wide and tosses her out. Her frozen form smashes upon landing...interesting, but there’s no time for experiments or play just now.

Settling into an overstuffed chair Ulfr works to relax, to clear his mind. It proves more difficult than usual as his mind returns over and over to you. Your interest, your sundae, your delight at his ice wolf, your body...he growls a heady mix of jealousy and arousal in the memory of Loki forcing you to suck him off.

Fucking Loki.

He shakes it away; he’s gotten so far, he gets closer every day, he can’t let one little Midgardian derail everything. He can’t let Loki’s childish games get to him. Deep breath in, slow exhale...

At his best he’s still little more than intermediate in his magic skills beyond the ice-based that come naturally to his people. It takes focus, a clear mind, as eyes fade shut - deep breaths in, slow exhales - and the second layers of magic flow across the room. These hide not just body, but mind and heart.

The world refracts, mirrors, around him and he becomes his true self. As fascinating as the dimension is, Ulfr never feels fully comfortable in it - needing the other to pull him in and out, it’s far too close to the containment rooms of SHIELD for his comfort. More so when the other isn’t there to greet him, like now.

He would say they’re partners, even if only in this task, but that’s still no where near accurate. They neither like nor trust one another and do not share the same goal in the end. Another world, another opportunity, they could just as easily be enemies in battle.

“Have difficultly?” His deep voice announces the sorcerer’s existence on this plane.

Ulfr’s lips curl slightly as he looks for the man. “At least I’m here in full.”

Strange appears before him, cloak billowing in attempts to intimidate. “I’m here.”

“And I’m ready.”

The moment you’re left alone you scramble to redress and return to your own quarters. With chair firmly under doorknob you run to the bathroom to vomit. You brush teeth, even attempt to clean out the taste of him with soap, before throwing up once more then showering.

It’s no use. You can still taste, feel, Loki all the way down your throat. You can sense him in the pit of your stomach and swimming through your veins. It’s like he’s entered your core. It isn’t even the act this time - distasteful as it was - it’s the feeling of being a pawn. That Loki might not even be attracted to you, but thinks Ulfr is and that alone is enough to degrade you.

You look in the mirror, examine sallow and bruised skin, thinning face, and force a deep breath through raw throat. He will not break you. Not for his pleasure, not for another’s pain. Not for anything. You have to be stronger, learn more. Find a weakness, a way to his humanity. If Thor had it, if Ulfr does, so does Loki...no matter how deep it’s buried under sadistic acts and frosty blue eyes.

As the hours pass you force yourself to think on your interactions with the god. Each one. In detail. His peacocking destruction of the city...the sadistic, preening, delight of your first night...the angry disregard afterwards...the playing gentleness of the bath...the events of this morning. Every one a display, every one a tableau of... Your mind falls to the terrible, haunting, ice in Loki’s gaze and the way it counters the bloody red warmth of Ulfr’s…

“Did you truly believe your pathetic attempts at keeping me out would work?” Loki’s voice breaks your thoughts so that you jump. He gives a malicious chuckle as he stands at the end of the bed, over you, as you sit. “I suppose I could admire it...” he slinks around to the side. “The tenacity of it.”

This time you stay in the center, focus on him, refusing to show on your face the fear given away in pounding heart and shaking body.

“Of course, I could also consider it a great disrespect to your king.” Eyes shine their blue at the veiled threat. “Everything is mine. Your room, your bed, you. It’s all mine and I’ll not be denied it.” He flashes an image of himself in full armor, horned helmet, scepter in hand.

You lean back, but do not actually move away. “I know, my king.” You play in.

The vision fades; Loki returns to more regal dressings, pleasantness on his face. “You’re learning.”

“Of course, your majesty.” You smile softly. “Though, I confess, I have much to learn still.”

“Naturally.”

“May I ask a question, my king?”

“Very well.” He’s too cocky to be wary.

“...Why are you doing this?” Loki tilts his head in puzzlement, but lips show amusement; you press on to clarify. “Not taking over Earth, not ruling, I...I get that, I suppose. I mean...this.”

“What?”

“This.” You stress the word, continue. “You’re not a fool, you understand our cultures and you know you’re hurting people. I can see you enjoying it. But...why?”

“I am a god.” Loki insists.

“Gods aren’t sadistic.”

He chuckles. “Clearly you haven’t done enough research.”

“We haven’t offended you.”

His amusement is fading. “You’re getting close to it.”

“Please, your majesty, I merely want to understand.” You get up on knees. “I could supplicate myself and I think...I think you’d treat me worse. Certainly not better.”

He says nothing, only examines you.

“I would think you’d have an easier time getting loyal, truly loyal, followers with kindness. But you just...” The blue in his eyes seems to fade briefly, you swear they go green. “Hurt. Degrade. Why?” You move closer to him cautiously. “I know there’s a good king, a good man, in you Loki...”

Eyes go greener still as the god looks off somewhere you can’t reach, fathom, his face losing all fierceness, all confidence. His face, stature, change...he looks like a lost boy, unsure where he is, what he should do. It’s more haunting a look than he nastiest one could ever be.

“It’s okay...” you whisper, shift closer still. You’re getting through; whatever his guards, his walls, you can see the cracks in the small quiver of his lower lip.

What you can’t see is what’s beyond those cracks. Those memories buried in the darkest parts of him. That pain - searing, cracking, throbbing, burning - dug so far into him it’s settled into his heart. The abyss and those in it churning him through humiliations in the name of preparing him for this. Loki can feel it all, the seeming eons of it, and all at once as he shudders. The Tesseract’s power muffles his scream as tears slip out of green eyes.

You reach out. “I just...want to know you, Loki...” Hand reaches up, brushes a soft, cool, cheek. “The real you.”

In a snap it’s gone. All of it. His eyes flash blue rage and your head crashes against the wall on the other side of the bed. Vision blurs, spins into stars. You kick out under him, claw at hands squeezing your throat. This isn’t an act; he truly rages, hates, for whatever you’ve done to soften him in that moment.

His lips curl over teeth. “You presume to know me?! A god?! You stupid, fucking, mortal whore!!” He shakes you like a rag-doll, head bouncing off the wall, the mattress. He straightens up, lifts you in the process. “Tell me why I shouldn’t end your miserable existence right now.”

You only wheeze.

“Where are your pretty words now?” He sneers, drops you back onto the bed. “Good, stay silent, I’ve no use for your mouth beyond its pleasures. Speak out of turn again and I’ll cut your tongue from between those lovely, cock-sucking, lips of yours!”

Even after he storms out, door locking behind, you don’t move. You let tears stream down your face, wheeze breaths, but don’t dare move. You found a raw spot within Loki’s perfect exterior, the humanity behind the exhibit, and rattled him out of his illusions...but you know deep down that you’ve not yet paid the full price for it.

Sooo...this is the “work” Ulfr had to attend to and, obviously, Loki doesn’t know about it, hahaha! This Dr Strange is from the future and Ulfr’s main source for magical training (outside whatever Loki decides to teach him)...both men may have similar goals, but certainly not the same and that’s all I’m saying on that at the moment, lol! (And forgive any magic-logic lapses, I’m working under the “for the story!” principle, lol!)

(Gif made by me via two gifs I found on Google.)

Tagged: Tagged:  @welcome-to-fangirl-hell @chibiyanai @wadeyouwitch @creedslove @lady-crowned-with-stars @moonfaery @annievvv7  @ladyfluff @holykryptonitekitten @lokilvrr @janebrownnie @lokis-little-kitten @alexakeyloveloki @theangelsfightwithdevils @the-blue-tiefling @lokis-lady-death @dangertoozmanykids101 @prometheasmother @vethrvolnir  @wintertink  @amethyst-dreams-and-candy-canes @drakonwild @starscreamloki @helayes​  @hiddles-rose​  @the-lady-witchitery …I think I got everyone, if you want on or off the list, just lemme know!!

[into--the--abyss]

I think Grell would have thought William was pathetic, at best or would have tried to kill him at worst. To summarize, Grell's feelings for William aren't genuine in my opinion, because I believe Grell "loves" William for the person he seems to be, not for who he really is. I'd be interested on your opinion about this, but if you don't feel like answering for an eventual backlash from Grelliam fans, I understand :) (last part).

Hi! I’ve been reading your analysis posts about William (bless you!) and also about your thoughts towards Grelliam, and… I couldn’t agree more. Everyone in this fandom seems to worship Grelliam as the only true undisputed pairing that makes sense and that it’s meant to be. Which, as you said, it’s unfair to William since he’s not implied to have a secret fondness for Grell or stuff like that and what’s worse it’s as if Grell’s feelings have to be requited (part 1).

But I’ve also thought about Grell’s supposed love for William and… I think that for how they put it in canon, it’s a lie. Grell’s is an instable person with a twisted concept of love. Grell’s into “cold”, “emotionless”, stoic and violent men but in William’s case (at least in my opinion) it’s all a façade. I thought about this when I watched the scene of William crying for Thomas Wallis, I mean, I highly doubt that Grell would have fallen in love with a shattered, crying William (Part 2).

Hey,anon…I decided to answer your question.  I’m glad you took thetime to stop by, because it was nice knowing that I’m not the onlyone who thinks that way.  But honestly I don’t even rememberwriting that post.  XD  I’ve kind of walked away from Tumblr, whichI guess gives me a certain amount of freedom, because now I don’tcare about anything anymore.

Besidesall the other issues I have with Grellium the biggest one is thatWilliam can’t freaking keep a secret at all.  This is a characterwho went around telling the entire Circus troupe that he was a grimreaper, so how the hell is this man going to keep a love affair withhis subordinate a secret?  You know that would be blabbed all overthe office, because Dispatch has a pretty good rumor mill if thesecond musical can be taken for anything.  Is Will really the type toengage in an office romance?  Would that align with his code ofethics?

Coupledwith the fact that Grell is the opposite of everything Will standsfor…so how exactly would pairing them make William anything otherthan miserable?  I guess if it was a tortured, obsessive, dark,physical relationship where the two of them couldn’t get themselvesout of the mess they got sucked into—yeah, then it makes sense. But what I tend to see is something more towards fluff.  If they werein a relationship, how could this be anything but twisted?  You haveone guy who hides his feelings and has some major anger managementissues, and the other is a perverted psychopath who keeps emotionallymaniuplating everyone around them to get what they want and who haszero respect for William’s boundaries.  Taken seriously, it’s somesed up it’s not even funny, and this is why people append theadjective “abusive” to this ship.  Most people who don’t likethe ship don’t like it because they ship Will with someone else,but hell, I don’t think this man can be shipped with anyone becauseI don’t see how it fits his character.  Plus, he’s kind of awreck in some ways.  (See his character song.)

And,yeah, I’m going to go out on a limb and say it: neither one of themdeserve to be happy.  They’re supposed to be in something like apurgatory, atoning for their sins, so why should any reaper get tohave fun?  That includes Ronald, too…why does he have time to goout on dates and chase women?

Grellwould get bored fast and kick a sensitive William to the curb.  Thethrill is in seeking a man who does not return (misplaced)affections.  Plus, I’ve always maintained that Grell isn’t inlove with William, Grell’s in love with the IDEA of William—whichis pretty much what you have said.  Grell hasn’t taken the time—anddoesn’t respect William enough, or at all, for that matter—toactually get to know the real Will, and who Will is as a person.  AndWilliam doesn’t really seem to care at all because he’s toowrapped up in his job.

And,I’m sorry, but a serial killer doesn’t deserve to be happy, norhave things like positivity posts aimed at them.  Grell is such amess of a character on so many levels, and I find the fandom’sinterpretation and fetishization of Grell so grating and soexhausting, that by this point I don’t have the energy to careanymore.  Grell’s a poor man’s Schrodinger from Hellsing viewedthrough a yaoi lens…there was some potential for Grell to be a goodvillain, but that faded away because there’s nothing more for Grellto do in the story other than tease fans with a ship and have enoughscreen time to warrant making merchandise to sell.  It would be toohard, too serious, too deep and complicated for this manga and thisfandom to ship a psychopathic blood-painting villian with one of thefew decent characters in this story, so why not tone them both down abit?  Now it’s all, “aww, isn’t it cute?  Grell has softened. William is nicer, too.”  Shipping intensifies.  And the shipperscan sleep well at night knowing that Grell isn’t so murderous andWill isn’t so mean anymore.  Please.  It makes sense, though,because plot doesn’t matter as much as superficial things.

AndWilliam?  I hope he never comes back to this manga at this point.  Hehad such promise, he was a character who was so near and dear to myheart, but now I just want him free from this mess of a manga.  If heshows up, it’ll probably be to satisfy the role he’s now takenon: to be half of a ship.  He’s not going to get any characterdevelopment on his own.  (Even the anime gave him that.)  We haven’teven seen him fight anyone, and we’re over 130 chapters into thisstory.  And like hell he’ll ever team up with Sebastian to takedown Undertaker, even though we got a hint of some sort of battlewith UT in the Campania arc.  None of that matters now.

Dippinginto the Grelliam side of the fandom is something that soured me somuch from this fandom and Tumblr in general, that it pretty muchruined Will for me at this point, because it made me realize what histrue purpose in this manga is.  If Yana wants to waste a goodcharacter as simply the half of a tropey anime ship, fine, I get it. It’s what the fans want and it’s what draws people in.  The manganeeds to sell in order to survive and I’m one of those people whoview shipping and fanservice as a necessary evil.  I know now thatI’m not the target demographic.  I got the wrong impression fromthe earlier chapters of this manga.  I was misled on so many things,and I do realize now that I was looking for something else entirelyall along.  It just took me a while to figure it out.

Thanks,anon, for stopping by—if you want to come off anon and chat, I’mopen to that.  It might be nice to hear more of your thoughts onWill.  I hope this is the answer you were looking for.

[hiekkis-blog1]

Sun god Prompto

This is a FF XV/Percy Jackson Au no-one asked for. I was listening to Prompto’s voice actor Robbie Daymond reading The Trials of Apollo, The Hidden Oracle, and I came up with this silly Au. Listening to that voice being vain, self centered and whiny was wayyyy too fun. 

Not betaed, all mistakes mine. Also, apparently I can’t write anything in this fandom without turning it into promnis. Rated T.

Sun god Prompto

“How is he doing?” Gladio voiced their common concern when the doctor left their shared bedroom. Ignis was unaccountably silent and Noctis was guilt ridden, leaving the shield to speak.

 “He’s had a severe electric shock, yet he has managed to escape severe burns. I suggest that you keep an eye on him for tonight. He should wake up sometime tonight or tomorrow at the latest. If he doesn't wake up by mid-day, bring him to the hospital. He'll need an IV for nourishment. However, I doubt things will progress that far." Doctor didn't mention that a recent surge of daemon and magitek attacks had filled the hospital to full capacity, and they really didn't have time or space for a patient who absolutely didn't need to be there. "I've seen a lot worse burns on the power plant workers. Your friend should be fine with some rest. Full extent of his possible neural damage is impossible to say while he hasn't regained his consciousness. We'll do a checkup in the hospital just in case."

 “Thank you, doctor." Ignis managed to say.

 "How did you say your friend got injured?" doctor queried. They had somehow avoided the specifics earlier, when they had returned to Lestallum and Leville after a hunt gone horribly wrong.

 "A hunting accident with some coeurls" Ignis replied.

 They had been fighting against a pack of vicious coeurls when the magiteck troops had joined the fray. The fight had dragged on and on until Noctis had managed to attain some godly help from the Astrals. They had been relieved when they had seen the Fulgurian's silhouette loom in the sky, but their reprieve had turned in to horror when, in addition to magiteks and monsters, the thunder god had attacked their gunner. Prompto had been sprinting though the fight when the lightning bolt hit him square in the chest and had expanded all around him, killing all their enemies. Ignis had run to his boyfriend’s side while the earth was still blackened and crackling, elixir on the ready. The fight was over, but Noctis had been too shocked to do anything. Even an elixir hadn't done more than a first aid. Prince's best friend didn't regain consciousness and Gladio had to carry him back to Regalia. Noctis had broken all speed limits while driving them back.

"He's going to be okay?" Noctis asked, hating how weak his voice sounded. He hadn't meant for the Astral to blast his friend. Usually only his spells did that and they never did this much damage. The Astrals were supposed to have a much better finesse with this kind of thing! They had never targeted his friends before.

 "I can see no physical reason why not. As I said, just give him some time. He got shocked so recently that it is a miracle if he wakes up before tomorrow anyway." The doctor left after making them promise to bring Prompto in tomorrow, when they would be better prepared to receive him at the hospital. Ignis was unhappy with the result, even though a very small voice in his head that was always on top of their monetary situation was pointing out the tiny bright side. He didn't want to think about money when his loved one needed medical attention. But his elixir had helped, right? That was why there hadn't been any physical damage and doctor could be so relaxed. She had said it. No any visual physical damage and exhaustion wasn't any news when it came to relying on healing items. Prompto was just resting.

 *  * *  *  *

 Apollo woke up feeling miserable. Everywhere hurt and he had a splitting head ached. On the positive side, he was in a soft, queen sized bed, and he had someone in the said bed with him. It was dark, so the headache wasn't aggravated by more light. He turned around to see a man, taller than he was, with a tawny hair and beautiful face, had draped his arm around his waist. Well, this certainly an improvement to the last time he had been exiled to be a mortal. Maybe his father truly loved him for allowing him such a companion from the very beginning of this punishment.

 There was a rustling noise coming from another bed he hadn't noticed earlier. In the dim light he could make out the shapes of two more young men. Bigger one had some truly spectacular inkwork in his skin. He would be more than happy to experiment and explore everywhere on that fine sculpture of a male anatomy. After all, he loved the arts. Maybe these men were muses in male form? He would have to find out later.

 Carefully he slipped out from under the arm holding him loosely. Or tried to, at least. The arm around him tightened, holding him tighter against a nicely toned chest. This was off to a good start! He turned around to give a languid kiss to a stranger in his bed.

 "Hello gorgeous," he muttered when the man answered his kisses, held him closer, then jerked back.

 "Prompto? How are you feeling?" the man asked, retreating a bit and scrutinizing him.

 "Hush, I’m feeling fine. Let me taste those lips." Apollo leaned back to kiss him. Man was certainly handsome and had his priorities in order. It had been a while since a mortal's first words had been over his welfare. Oh yes, this was certainly an improvement.

 Except the handsome stranger drew back and help him at arm’s length, his shiny green eyes suspicious. "What are you doing? Noct and Gladio are in the same room with us."

 "Doesn’t bother me" Apollo smiled lazily. "They can join us in pleasure if they so please."

 "You're not yourself." the man reached for the nightstand and took a pair of spectacles that had been resting over it. He scrambled out of bed and lit a small lamp. Soft glow filled the room and Apollo could admire his reluctant lover. They were lovers, right? But why would they be wearing pajamas if they were? The other man must be shy then, due to the other men's sleeping presence.

 "You’re up to speed fast. Are you shy? I can make them sleep undisturbed until the morning if that's the case."

 “Prompto. In the name of The Six, what the hell is wrong with you?” Now spectacled man pulled away. He sounded angry. That couldn’t be. Finding a half-naked sun god in your bed shouldn’t be upsetting, it should be joyous. Apollo stretched lazily and sat up.

 “It’s like you said. I’m not the usual habitant of this body. I’m Apollo.” His declaration made his companion dumbstruck. Naturally, now that they knew who he was, they’d be awestruck and provide him with pleasing sacrifices and offer to fulfill his every whim. Curious, the man didn’t get on his knees, but sat on the bed and put his hand very gently on his forehead.

 “The doctor never mentioned any psychological problems as a side effect.” He mumbled in a quiet voice. Apollo felt humiliated and slapped the hand away.

 “I’m the god of sun, arts and healing. I can assure you, I don’t have a psychological disorder.” He rose from the bed as gracefully as he possibly could, only trip over the cover that was laying on the floor. He could feel his cheeks burning from embarrassment. “I see my presence upsets you. Let no one say I’m not gracious or sensitive. I’ll be in the bathroom while you can collect yourself.” So saying he rose from the floor and left the room. He felt shaky and dizzy. What had this body been doing?

 Light bulb showed a pathetic small bathroom. No gold or fresh flowers anywhere. What a dump. Apollo washed his face and reached for a towel hanging from a railing over a bath tub. He peered at the foggy mirror.

 Slowly he let the towel drop and leaned over to watch closer, wiping the fog away from the mirror. This couldn’t be happening.

 *  * *  *  *

 In the other room, Noctis and Gladio woke up to a blood curdling scream. Both stumbled out of the bed battle ready, summoning weapons and looking for the threat. Had the MT’s attacked the hotel? Was Loqi on their trail? Ignis was already running to the bathroom, and yanked the door open to find shirtless Prompto covering his face and staring wide eyed at the mirror.

 “NO! DON’T LOOK AT ME!!!”

 “Prompto!” Noctis barreled inside. “Man, are you all right? What happened?”

 “DON’T LOOK AT ME, I’M HIDEOUS!”  Everyone froze, not believing their eyes. Prompto sobbed. “I have a face and body of a monster. These blemishes are everywhere!” Noctis was amused by his friends problem, mainly because he was so relieved to find his best friend had finally woken up.

 “Dude, you’ve always had freckles. Iggy loves them.” A cough from the advisor. “Why are you freaking out? It’s nothing you haven’t seen before.”

 “Then this ‘Iggy’ has a remarkably bad taste. This body is hideous! It’s short and has a flab instead of my eight pack! It still has ZITS!!!” Prompto had leaned over the sink and wailed again as he saw his visage. One of those spots was definitely a red spot. “And will you look at these arms? These are not the arms of the best archer in the universe. They are way too weak!” Gladio had joined them and looked at the blonde wailing at the glass.

 “Knock it off blondie. You know how we react to false alarms.” Gladios’s voice was harsh. “This isn’t a right time for your sudden drama.” Prompto made a rude humph sound.

 “Like expected from a son of Ares.” Gladio’s face turned in to a grimace. He never talked about his dead father and didn’t appreciate his dad being called names. Even when he didn’t understand the reference. “And these scars! Stretchmarks are just as unacceptable as flab. Despicable!”

 “Scars are just another kind of memory…” Ignis tried to quote Prompto’s own philosophy back at him, but he sounded angry. Only Noct had heard Ignis that angry. Ignis has balled his hands in to fists, trying to hold on to the last shreds of his self-control.

  “Dude, why are you talking like a videogame character?” Noctis beat Gladio for an answer.

 “He has been acting out of character ever since he woke up. I think we should take him to hospital sooner later than later. Maybe the lightning bolt triggered a schizophrenia or there must be some other reasonable explanation.” Ignis turned to Noctis, pointedly not looking at his boyfriend.

 “I’m not acting out of character and I don’t need to go to a hospital! I doubt this little backwater town has a hospital of such renown that any of my children work here.” Propmto huffed when Ignis ignored him. “Silly mortals, who do you think I am?”

 “Until this night, we thought you were our friend.” Gladio growled. “Who do you think you are?”

 “I am Apollo. The sun god. Patron of music, archery and healing.”

 “That’s a character from the Percy Jackson games.” Noctis recognized. “Knock it out, Apollo was always so annoying.”

 “What!?” Apollo squeaked, indignant. “You have a game of Olympian gods and it’s named after a demigod? No, no, no! It should be The Amazing Adventures of Apollo.”

 “Noctis, pray tell what is going on. You seem to be only one understanding his nonsense.” Ignis was pinching the bridge of his nose.

 “It’s a RPG. Main character is this dude, Percy, who finds out he is half a god and he goes to this camp Half Blood, where everyone is a demigod.” Noctis’s sleepiness evaporated when he started talking about his games.

 “That place exists. My children have been trained there.” Apollo commented but was ignored.

 “Basically, the game is about his adventures when he tries to save the world from destruction. Trying to make all the selfish and arrogant gods cooperate isn’t easy. It’s like they want to die.”

 “HEY!” Apollo protested.

 “Are these so called gods The Astrals?” Ignis inquired.

 “Nah, they’re make believe. They’re called god’s of Olympus and they are like a really big, crazy family. Their leader is Zeus, a thunder god. Kind of Like Ramuh except he likes to have kids with all weird creatures.”

 “Can we please not talk about my dad’s sex life? Or call my whole my family make believe while were at it?” Apollo whined. “This mortal thing is way too embarrassing to begin with, you don’t have to try and make it worse with your ignorance.”

 “Do you think this is because of the lightning bolt?” Gladio asked Ignis and Noctis, completely ignoring the whiney blonde.

 “Definitely, we need to get him to hospital as soon as possible. He could be danger to himself at this point.” Ignis declared. “We should take him now.”

 “But what if he is right and this actually is Apollo and not Prompto? Is it possible that the Fulgurian could have changed them?” That led to a long argument between the three of them. Ignis refused to entertain even slightest possibility, that his boyfriend’s body had just changed the hosts. Noctis pointed out that Apollo was also a god of prophesy, and he really could use some help with one. Gladio asked Apollo to prove his godhood so they could solve this. That led to Apollo punching Gladio’s shoulder and then freaking out that his super strength was gone. He had also bruised his knuckles with the punch and Ignis ended up dragging him to the Hospital in the middle of the night.

  AN: I have no idea where I’m going with this one, if this will stay as a one shot or morph into a longer fic. If you like it, let me know! I’m also open for prompts for this one.