#I wish this is just paranoia

[bunnieswithknives]

So Dev got shot because Dale was hunting for fairies? Thaaaat's certainly not going to make things complicated between him and Peri nope not at all 😬

Surprisingly he doesn't hold it against Peri or fairies as a whole. It would sort of like being mad a money, like, yeah that was his dads motivation at the time but money didn't make him do that. He chose to do that. It was just another of his dads many money making ventures.

On one hand he finds it a little comforting that the thing he got shot over wasn't a totally fictional creature, on the other hand it reaffirms that his dad was putting him in real danger from the start.

[canisalbus]

sorry im emotonal and going off of the other asks sent about machete and just i need to stress how beautiful it is to me that machete sees himself so undeserving of love and affection and feeling as if vasco's too good for him but despite all that he is so incredibly devoted to vasco and loving towards him (in his own way) but is so incredibly clear to anyone with eyes that just how in love he is with vasco. like it's not done out of a "oh god please never realize that you're too good for me here here let me overdo it with the affection" its done with the "i love you, and will always love you, no matter what happens to us or separates us, and i will give it to you as long as i am able, and if you ever leave, i won't be okay, but will still love you, and want you happy". like he doesn't use his own feelings of being undeserving taint his love or the way he loves for vasco, and it's so, so beautiful

.

[leggerefiore]

Thank you all for continuing to support this silly little blog of mine

[humblemediagenius]

The need to share my OCs with everyone vs the fear that people won't be FUCKING NORMAL FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

[love-me-satoru]

really need new internet friends who would love to trauma dump with me.

i also really feel like i need to talk to someone to get clean and i don’t know if ill actually follow through

or might just end it all.

my birthday is literally this saturday. But i don’t even feel like i deserve any sort of happiness since i keep lying about my recovery.

Also i haven’t eaten a meal since friday. lost 7 pounds since then. i’ve always wanted to lose weight. i just didn’t expect it to be a very dangerous way.

[zhongrin]

it's hackathon week next week and there are so many things i need to do (passport renewal, accommodation stuff, dental appointments, packing for flight, chores, etc), so i apologize if i'm kind of inactive or off in this blog or discord!!

[flufflecat]

Another day, another suspiciously yellow and black animal showing up that i have named Bill.

This poor injured swallowtail was in the backyard, so i offered him a variety of flowers then moved him to a safe spot since i cant really do more to help him. He kept trying to climb my arms, but i politely asked him not to try to crawl on my face and i think he agreed.

When I was grabbing some flowers down the road, there was also a flock of goldfinches flitting around the thistles to add to my yellow-animals tally, but i couldn't get any good pics of them.

Between the goldfinches that have shown back up for the first time since june, this butterfly, and Bill the Caterpillar (who has since crawled off somewhere), I'm starting to debate whether spending the past 2 weeks joking about being possessed by bill cipher was a good idea.

Also i came face to face with a deer while out alone last night and i didn't like the way she took a step toward me when i held my hand out. She bowed to me so i bowed back and after about a minute of staring she decided to wander away.

[cosmic-ships]

Tw: unsanitary mention // tw: menstrual mention // general bitching and hating myself // oh also su!cide stuff but really who cares?

I have to try and figure out how to make 5 pads last 6 days whilst also having to go out every single day–

I also have to make what extreme little cat food I have last 8 days.

I'm running out of everything and I can't ask for help because people don't understand and think little of me because they don't understand my symptoms and think I am making excuses when I'm not—

:) boy sure do love being me. /sarcasm all because I was on a high I wasn't aware of and all my money went poof!

Took D to say something, made me realized and ever since that day I've been suffering (no joke) I literally don't want to be alive anymore. I fucking hate when that happens because I suffer, my pets suffer, everyone who has to live with me suffers.

Whats the worst is the shame and the guilt I feel and the mind numbing reality that this is my life, I don't get to have control over it. I can manage it but I can't control it. I don't get to say "nope, not feeling like a bipolar episode today!" Its "too bad, fuck you, have fun realizing the consequences of your actions AFTER you've done them good luck dealing with the shame and guilt. Maybe kys that would make everything better."

My life is a mess and it sucks and I really really just want to end it. I am sick and tired of pretending I'm okay when my life is a fucking endless loop of irrational behavior and thinking followed by guilt and shame. I'm never gonna get better, it isn't something I can just learn to be better at, believe me I fucking tried.

I'm so tired of living a pointless, meaningless, unfulfilled life. I'm not even suppose to be alive anyways so what's the difference if I leave it? I have nothing to personally show for my life. I have no great achievements or accomplishments... oh just start learning x thing. Guess what gets in the way every single time aside from money?

I'm just living day to day doing what? Struggling to find a job? Unable to live on my own, forced to always have to live with someone else. There is no fun and pleasures in my life and when it does happen its because I'm riding a high that I'm unaware I am a participant on and once that high comes down the reality crushes me and I'm right back to square one shame, guilt, and the undeniable urge to just jump off a bridge and into traffic hoping to god that I die on impact.

[sammusbird]

I wish more modern horror stories, movies, whatever focused on mental illness as horror. NOT mentally ill people, but the illness itself. I think it would be good to add as a spice to heighten the horror in classic slasher style stuff. I want to see more sympathetic and strong characters to navigate a world where their perception and needs are different than others. not in a superpowered way. I want our final girl to survive bc they fought harder, got luckier, and ran faster than the others. I want to see characters with more ‘ugly’ mental illnesses we are meant to love and root for and cross our fingers they don’t get kersploded! I want to see how specific struggles make being in a horror movie worse

[alectoperdita]

Hey, I saw you hadn’t posted in a while and I hope you’re doing okay. I’m sorry if you’ve been going through a hard time lately, and if that’s the case I hope you have some better days soon. Please take care <3

In news that probably surprises no one, I am struggling.

Thank you for your kind sentiments, anon. Hope you are better off than I am.

[piplupod]

feels like the isolation is a gushing wound and going to the centre is just a small bandage. i think perhaps i am not really ever going to feel okay unless something miraculous happens. i am retaining some semblance of sanity now that I'm leaving the house and socializing with non-family more than once a week, but i am still hurting more than I can really tolerate and I don't know what to do about it. there doesn't seem to be a fix for this that I can enact.

[haldenlith]

KAYN CAN GET STUCK IN SHIT?!

... That is fucking hilarious and exactly what that gremlin deserves.

[running-in-the-dark]

okay, so I've been to our new apartment twice now (once when we got the keys, but it was dark and the landlord was there too; and we went back this morning for several hours).

I really like it, it's a lovely space, it's big enough, everything is great. except. we're on the ground floor and the side our apartment is on means that 1. you can look right into our bathroom from the carport, and 2. you can look right into the bedrooms when you're walking to the front door.

and that really unsettles me. obviously we'll do something about it (we'll put a window film of some sort on the bathroom window + curtains too probably, and curtains for the bedrooms).

but. I don't know if that'll be enough to get it out of my head? I have always been very paranoid about being watched, so, I don't know if just knowing that theoretically people could look in would be an issue...

[chartreuxcatz]

Uh oh! <- Feeling emotions that can’t be drowned out

[tmos-time]

HAPPY HALLOWED WEEN‼️‼️‼️‼️ Any spooky HCS for the end of October spirit?

ohhh SPOOKY headcanons? 🤔

how about this one; eridan and sollux have different styles of stress dream imagery

for sollux, its generally a state of decay; abandoned places with long grass and various states of animal carcases, decapitated snakes, zombies that try to bite him awake, the apocalypse -- stuff that brings in a feeling of the doomed

for eridan, its a little more complex; hiding defenceless in a changing room at the mall while half-life style aliens start to fire guns, getting lost while trying to get somewhere or time going by too quickly trying to get some sleep before the next day, people that he knows not acting quite right while staring too long and too intensely-- a wider array of things that *usually* bring in a feeling of helplessness

sometimes, ESPECIALLY post-sprite, the themes overlap a little lmao. when they get stress dreams, sollux just Wakes Up for the night if he gets one, eridan at least Tries to settle back down to sleep if he wakes up too early

[alphacrone]

i don’t WANT to live off grid i don’t WANT to have to homestead i don’t WANT to have to buy a generator and a water filter and stock up on canned goods for the next crisis i want to be able to rely on my community and my government during hardships but apparently that’s not a viable option anymore