#I would get premium if it wasn’t $10 a month

[sillyilly10]

Lmao hey @spotify-official what the fuck

[sandinthepipes]

Hello fellow dyslexic/adhd/others who would like to enjoy fanfics through their ears, I just spent the entire day testing android apps to find one that doesn’t suck as much.

TL;DR - these two T2S, Audify

I feel like I need to share this because 90% the apps don’t even allow a web page as a source, let alone get past the log in page, and I cant be the only one who doesn’t want to download every single fic.

“Oh, but doesn’t android have a built-in text-to-speech function in the accessibility settings?” I hear you ask. Yes, but it sucks ass very badly. Firstly it only reads in the system language, so it doesn’t really work. Second, you need to highlight all that you want it to read, and seeing that I read a minimum of 15k words in a sitting, I’m not gonna do that.

Also I’m broke, I imagine you are too, but even if I wasn’t I’m not paying for this, if I did I wouldn’t even be supporting a human being, so no.

I’ll immediately break your trust with the first point, but it’s what I’ve been doing until now, and now that I know what the android mobile experience is like, I feel the need to include this. The best solution I’ve had so far (which works wonders, let me tell you) is letting Siri read them on the iPad. It’s only doable when I’m at home and it’s still an apple product, so that’s why I began the research. However the positive points are INCREDIBLE so I’m going to ads it to the list because I said so.

First of all it’s built-in and SO EASY to access, you literally just swipe with two fingers and it stars to read. It reads the punctuation, you might think that’s a given and so did I, but no. A question sounds like a question, an exclamation point does why its supposed to do, short sentences sound what they’re supposed to sound like. In apparently all the apps ever created, you won’t find any of it, just flat, monotone voices with flat little pauses. Overall excellent experience 10/10.

Cons: it’s on apple, I consider apple the same as Disney, I would love to not give them more money so that they can make the market increasingly worse. Every now and then a system update will fuck with the tts function and it will be unusable for a while. Sometimes it doesn’t like the text format on some fics. It’s not portable.

Now that we got that out of the way let us get to the meet.

Speechify - it sucks bad. At least the free version, but seen as it costs almost 10€ a month I’m not even going to consider the premium version. Fuck that. You can’t increase the speed, and as somebody who hasn’t watched a single YouTube video on normal speed since they added the function I can’t do that, too slow, I forgot what we were talking about once we get to the end of the sentence. Also you can only use those weird very robotic voices, and they’re not even that many. Don’t recommend. I felt like I had to include it since it was one of the few who allowed browser navigation and well, it’s speechify. Also you can’t t have saved more than 3 “files” per time. Doesn’t have sleep mode.

Audify - works exactly the same as T2S, but it saves the history and has a bit more customisation for how it reads and what it reads (which you don’t really need for ao3, but if you wanted to read, say, Wikipedia with all the notes and stuff, now you know). Has the sleep mode. - EDIT: the double tap to start reading works slightly better than T2S on websites with weird formatting. But unlike T2S you can only have one tab open

T2S - cute. It works. Again, no emotions, but it reads what it has to, nice voice selections, easy to use. The premium version adds literally nothing, they’re a good app, what they have, they give. Also you can customise the interface colour if you want. Has the sleep mode. - EDIT: this app allows you to have multiple tabs open at the same time, unlike Audify.

That’s all folks. Now go and be free of your reading impediment, or be free in your multitasking, or whatever you want to do. I’m done, I’ve given my datas to all kinds of shady apps, I need to go do damage control

[mariacallous]

If you had battery-related performance issues on an older iPhone—and you got in on a class-action lawsuit against Apple six years ago—you could soon receive some payback for your trouble.

According to a statement released by the law office involved in the suit against Apple, the tech giant will soon have to pay out up to $500 million to customers affected by its throttling of iPhones that had older batteries. The so-called Batterygate scandal affected people using iPhones in the 6, 6S, and 7 families, as well as the original SE model, and stems from complaints from users that Apple purposely slowed down the devices after they installed software updates. Apple hasn’t admitted any wrongdoing, instead positing that its practice of deliberately slowing down its phones wasn’t a technique to get people to buy a newer device but rather a safety measure to keep the phones from shutting down when the battery got too low.

The checks will be doled out to the roughly 3 million people who filed claims for the lawsuit, which works out to somewhere between $65 and $90 per person. It’s too late to make a claim now—the deadline to join the suit passed in October 2020.

Here’s some more news about the stuff on your phone.

Premium Prime 

Bad streaming music news for anyone who’s somehow not on Spotify or Apple Music: Amazon’s music streaming service is getting more expensive.

The price hike from $9 to $10 was revealed by a FAQ page on Amazon’s Music site, spotted by The Hollywood Reporter. The increase is relatively small and will apply to Amazon Prime members with Unlimited Music plans and family plans. But it’s part of a trend of streaming services putting the squeeze on their customers. The cost of a Spotify Premium subscription went up by a buck last month after 12 years without an increase. Hulu and Disney+ are getting more expensive later this year. Netflix has cracked down on password sharing and introduced a paid ad-supported tier. And don't forget that HBO Max removed gobs of content from its platform. Amazon Music doesn’t seem to be ditching any of its songs quite yet—or banning password sharing—but clearly the Amazonian overlords want to squeeze a little more out of the platform.

Muting TikTok

A recent Reuters poll shows that nearly half of Americans approve of the US banning the social media app TikTok. (Disclosure: Yes, WIRED is on TikTok.)

US lawmakers have been talking about tanking TikTok for years now, citing concerns that the app’s Chinese parent company ByteDance could share Americans’ user data with the Chinese government or that the app could serve as a software backdoor for Chinese spyware. Pundits and members of Congress have posited the TikTok ban as a push to protect privacy, even though the issue is more due to international tensions between the US and China. (Cue the I Think You Should Leave “you sure about that?” clip.)

The process of actually banning the app from US soil would be laborious and controversial. Montana is going to give it a shot in 2024, when its recently passed TikTok ban goes into effect. Enforcing a ban will be nigh impossible, since users could likely circumvent the rules by using a VPN to make it appear that they are in another location or by simply downloading the app while they are traveling to another state.

Stay Cool

It’s getting hotter here on planet Earth. Heat waves intensify, oceans warm, and wildfires worsen. And all the while, humans—and everything else living on the planet—pay the price. Human influence has undeniably altered the weather of the world, and as we hurtle along in a climate emergency, it’s only going to grow hotter and more unstable.

This week on the Gadget Lab podcast, WIRED’s resident doomsday reporter, Matt Simon, joins the show to talk about extreme heat, why it keeps getting warmer, and how we might be able to adapt.

[luckyqueenreign]

Today’s episodes really pissed me off

1. We paid to find out suresh/Finn/Dana are still into us and want us but this choice doesn’t matter for the plot because still we get suresh/lulu and kat/Finn super flirty with each other. And how both relationship are perfect and “steamy”. And basically we get narration they “moved on” from mc. (So if we don’t pay for premium scenes to find out a truth we really might think it’s true).

2. Gabi for sure wants suresh.

3. Our conversation with gabi and suresh didn’t change anything.

4. 5 months of dating when suresh and mc were a year together. It wasn’t just a rebound or a fling🤬

5. Meera and mc are Hannah and Lottie 2.0

6. Casa boys are the same aka no matter who you chose both boys have the same personality and plot line

7. We didn’t any moment to be alone with suresh

8. Finn being Noah 2.0

9. They still force alfie on us

10. Now we have to be super friendly with Dana and we are supposed to help her but no one helps us.

this is unfortunately very true and I thought this might be the case if I didnt pay for the Eddie gem scene. but wasnt sure if people didnt pay for it if you could still confront him on the terrace about liking MC. someone who hasn't bought the gem scene report back!

1000% and this is super annoying and an unnecessary plot line atp, we already had arlo, now Lulu, why are we constantly competing for this mans attention with women that we know dont measure up to MC in Suresh's eyes. at the end of the day, MC is who he ultimately wants so why are we adding in all of this unnecessary drama when we have 10 episodes left.

it changed nothing but it did give me a bit more clarity into their situation and it did confirm things for me...he never looked at Gabi as a relationship and I know that 5 months sounds like a long time but when you're just hooking up with someone it honestly really isnt. ESPECIALLY when you don't have feelings involved and when you look at it as a "brief fling". Gabi saw it as more..he didnt.

MC and Suresh were together for over year, their relationship was completely different. She met the parents, went on vacations, they loved each other. Suresh never said I love you to Gabi. It wasn't love. It was a rebound. I actually had an irl 6 month rebound and it truthfully does not feel like that long of a time when u dont have feelings for someone...so it happens!

Meera can kiss my ass...I cant wait to see her wack ass face next week when im still standing.

This is so wack...I wish FB would do better. We literally had no cast this season the very least they could do was give their different players different personalities and different routes.

BESTIE this HURT. HOW WAS THIS POSSIBLE??? I said before I left for casa I wanted this man. I was loyal the entire FUCKING TIME. and I cant have ONE MOMENT??? HOW IS THIS EVEN REALISTIC????? especially after his speech??? I hate FB

ok that little moment we had with him def gave me noah vibes 🥹. I low-key loved it and can low-key see myself doing a finn route in the future

did they?? maybe I missed this because I was rushing to get a summary out asap. I want to replay this afternoon again and see if I pick this up

I told her I needed space from her and FB ignored my wishes of course. girly I dont care about ur issues with my ex's mistress!! and I voted for ur ass to leave! Scram!

[your-krazy-uncle-bob]

The Morning Briefing: Relax GOP, the Dems Are Going to Get Rid of Biden for You

BY STEPHEN KRUISER JUL 13, 2022 4:10 AM ET

 

Top O’ the Briefing

Happy Wednesday, Kruiser Morning Briefing friends. Arnold wasn’t completely clear on when society’s precipitous decline began, but he was sure that the rise in popularity of the acai berry had something to do with it.

I’m going to hit a few quick things here at the top today rather than just focus on one topic. This will happen from time to time going forward.

It looks like the Democrats are going to pitch in with the heavy lifting of making sure that Joe Biden isn’t president for as long as his evil wife wants him to be.

As I recently wrote in a VIP column, the Biden cheerleaders in the corrupt mainstream media have recently been admitting that President LOLEightyonemillion isn’t really up to the task of being the most powerful man in the world, or any task for that matter.

Athena wrote yesterday that the criminal sleaziness oozing out of Hunter Biden’s pores will probably force the Democrats to find a way to make Ol’ Gropes step aside sooner rather than later. Rick had a post detailing the efforts of some progressives to make sure that a run in 2024 isn’t an option for Biden. He also cites a poll that says that two-thirds of Democratic voters would prefer that Biden not be on the ballot in 2024.

It would appear that the always unhinged Grandpa Loony Tunes reads different polls:

Note: Biden also thinks Elmo is real.

Well, they did promise that Biden would bring the country together and he seems to have done just that. Nobody likes him now.

Kira had a horrifying story over at RedState the other day that makes yet another case for making public sector teachers’ unions illegal and defunding public education:

In a school discrimination case that could set a precedent for beleaguered parents across the country frustrated with Critical Race Theory-related issues in the classroom, a California woman is set to file suit against her child’s school district after her 7-year-old daughter was punished and humiliated for drawing a Black Lives Matter picture for her friends that also included the sentiment that “any lives” matter. In addition, the school never informed her about the incident or the punishment; she only learned about it after another parent mentioned it to her a year later.

Kira does a deep dive with the girl’s mother and her attorney. It’s an upsetting, but necessary read. Kira will be joining Stephen Green and me on Thursday for “Five O’Clock Somewhere” to discuss the story.

Our own Megan Fox is having quite the week. She immediately smelled a rat in a story published in the Indianapolis Star that was only backed up by a single, very dubious source. Being the journalistic pit bull that she is, Megan wouldn’t let it go. Other outlets began picking up on it, many of them (looking at you WaPo) not giving Megan attribution. That’s changed. She was on Jessie Watters’s FNC show on Monday and on Tuesday the Wall Street Journal editorial board acknowledged that she was the first to call b.s. on the story.

Unlike the hacks in the mainstream media, the journalists like Megan on our side are doing real journalism. Sources have to be checked, actual work has to be done. This is made possible by our ever-growing community of VIP subscribers. It really is a community too. As I have mentioned many times, we have a brilliant mix of serious fare and fun stuff over on the other side. For just a few dollars a month, you can get access to all of the premium content here at PJ Media. That includes the hard-hitting material that Megan and our other writers do, as well as the always unpredictable “Unwoke” podcast I do with my friend Kevin Downey Jr.

PJ Media

[arcanamusica]

Arcanamusica Novel #002- His Case (彼の場合) Translation

As I finally finished the recording that I was creating for Arcanamusica, I pressed the upload button so that my song published itself immediately. I hung my acoustic guitar back up on its stand, flopped down on my bed, and prayed that I would go viral with bets this time. 

One of my bandmates introduced me to Arcanamusica a few months ago, and I’ve been using it as my main streaming platform ever since. It’s nothing like performing at a live house, hearing the cheers and screams from my fans…Even so, knowing that my music is being listened to through the app is still rewarding in its own way. Well, if they listen to it, that is. Lately, my songs haven't been doing well at all. I sighed and leaned back. Last week, the new song I posted only got around 50 views and 10 bets.. Not to mention, there’s only a few people that subscribed to me who aren’t my friends. Even though this is an app that encourages finding new artists, it’s hard to get people to listen to things outside their comfort zone. Well, hopefully I can get there little by little.

As my depression roused itself, I started to doom scroll and look at the stats of the popular singers that I followed. I saw their hundreds and thousands of followers and tens of thousands of bets. It blows my mind, but I wonder if we’re really on the same app-or even in the same world. Apparently, some of the singers are professional…

I suddenly bolted up from my pillow when I saw the “New” icon shining at me on the screen. Legge released a new song! He was my favorite singer on Arcanamusica, without a doubt. I remember hearing his song “Dancer in the Palm” for the first time and I fell in love with his voice and rhythm. It was so unique that I became drawn to it unlike anything else. Legge’s second song, “Stray Dancer”, had such raw emotion weaved into his lyrics and tune… I wanted to be like that, and I wish I could learn how to make songs to make people feel that way too. Ever since then, I’d been waiting for a new song while looping his previous music nonstop Finally, after all the waiting, anew song was released! But...it was a duet.

This song I had been waiting for.. It wasn’t just Legge. His partner was someone I hadn’t heard of before, named “Shibukuchi”...Not only that, he included a comment on his upload. I don’t remember seeing anything like this before…Legge wrote that he was dueting with Shibukuchi because of the “Destiny Game”? I decided to google what this was, but nothing came up, even when I included Arcanamusica in the search bar. I checked social media instead, and eventually dug up info that Arcanamusica had a premium membership, where premium members got to participate in the “Destiny Game” Legge had mentioned. Even though I had been posting my music for months, I had no idea anything like this even existed.

But then, I realized-if I could play this game, then maybe I could duet with Legge himself. It looked like the only way to do this was to become a premium member. 

I went back to the app and tried to scrounge up any information I could find-eventually, I happened upon a link under the app settings, reading “Premium Members click here”. I couldn’t believe it was in such a hard to find place- was it really this easy to become a premium member? Did they think nobody would bother to look? I clicked it and held my breath, but I was met with the notice:

We are not recruiting premium members at this time.

What the hell was I thinking? I felt all the hope I had building up drop again as I fell back down on my bed. As I looked at the notice again, I saw that to become a premium member, you had to accumulate something called “Arcana Points” that were gained through getting a certain amount of bets. I didn’t even have enough bets to do that in the first place.. And even if I did become a premium member, there’s no guarantee I would be able to duet with Legge…

"Agh, fine! Show me what you can do, Shibukuchi!"

With reluctance, I decided to give the duet a listen to see what he had that I didn’t. I was fully prepared to critique Shibukuchi if he was worthy to sing with Legge, but as soon as the music started playing, I was taken aback by how good it was. It wasn’t like a typical Legge song, but rather a clashing of both singer’s tones that created perfect harmony as a result. I found myself not only focusing on Legge, but intently on Shibukuchi too. I did a search for his name and a few different songs popped up-all with the “special” label, just like Legge. I wonder what made these songs “special”...I didn’t have any option to do that on my songs, even though they were originals. I clicked on the song that appeared at the top of the page, “You are My Friend”. As I listened, I thought that he didn’t even come close to Legge’s skill and maturity as a singer-you could tell that he was a hard worker and did his best, but so was I. Why did it make him special?

No.

That’s not it. 

I can’t sing like he does.

Shibukuchi wasn’t like Legge at all. Instead of feeling like he was somebody that I aspired to be, I felt more like I was being left behind in his dust, and it made me ashamed.

This is so unfair.

It’s not like the special song was super cool or showed off all of his skill. Instead, it was something that spoke to the emotions. It felt like he was speaking directly to me, saying that no matter how much despair I feel, I can’t let go of my dream. It made me feel like maybe, just maybe, I could be unstoppable if I tried hard enough. I saw the amount of bets and views that Shibukuchi had, which seemed almost unreachable in comparison to all of the other singers on the app. Well, after all, he did do a duet with Legge. 

Both of them seemed so far away from me, but with my newfound inspiration, I thought…

Maybe, someday.

I gathered up my determination and decided that I would make a new song to upload in the coming week. I grabbed my guitar from the stand I had hung it on, and with a burst of energy, I got back to working on a new tune.

As the arpeggio I played rang out, it seemed to respond to tell me I was on the right path, and I began to create my next song.

[nandostateofmind]

Gimme the Loot!!!

Being Robbed at Gunpoint…….

When I was 15 years old I had a legendarily good Christmas. I got a new 10K gold figaro bracelet, a Northface bookbag, some new cinnamon color timbs (that was a thing that at the time), a Gap Fleece, a new basketball, and most importantly my first leather jacket. I was already working in McDonalds at this point and I had a little bit of money for food and hanging out mostly. My dad died 4 years before and after what felt like an awkward ass transition to Queens life. A war with my older brother that I wasn’t over yet. Chilling with my older sister all the time feeling cool because I was with the older crew listening to conversation and being in places I probably shouldn’t have been. I was finally coming into my own in a way. Finally, and most importantly I was in motherfucking love for the first time. I had a girlfriend for like 6 months. That corny kid shit where I would call daily at 7 pm and she knew to answer because it was going to be me. That high school teenage love shit Slick Rick was talking right down to the heartbreak and cheating (she cheated). That hadn’t happened yet all was right with the world. I had a crew of friends I could go to war with if need be. I was starting to grow out my hair for braids. Life was beautiful. It was the first time since my father passed that I felt things were going to be okay.

I remember it was about 10 days after Christmas that first week back to school. I was so hype to wear the leather that I was wearing a thin ass polo shirt (from the Gap, I couldn’t afford Ralph Lauren yet) it was navy blue and light blue horizontal stripes. I had on light blue Old Navy jeans and the new cinnamon colored timbs. My new Northface bookbag and my new 10K bracelet. I still had that pre-Christmas shape up. I was gleaming headed to school that day. I just bought my girlfriend back then some gold spiral earrings that were popular at the time. She loved them and she was wearing them every day. I would get her a flower all the time on my way to school for $2.50 at the corner flower shop by my house at the time. I generally only worked on weekends at the time so after school I would normally go to the Boys and Girls Club near my high school. This day though I was feeling myself. I was going to take my girl to work after school. All day in school we were together and I was going to take the train with her to her job. We were doing split shift school so my school day ended at 4:24 pm every day. She started work at 5pm every day. Of course, as kids do we got caught up on the way to her job and it was that time of year where it gets dark at 5 pm in New York City. So, we got there about 5:30 pm. It was too late. By the time we got the Jamaica, Queens by Parsons Blvd she was sent home for arriving too late.

So being two high school kids with an excuse to spend some extra time together, because she was supposed to work til 7. She was going to meet her mom at her job in the area and say she was allowed to leave early. So, the thing is it was freezing outside. So, we decided to cut through the park to get to her mother’s job. As we walked through the park we decided to hang out on the bench in that freezing cold. That kind of cold where when the wind blows your eyes water a little bit. The kind of cold that makes your ears turn red and hurt to the touch. Where you can literally feel your body defrosting when you get into a warm place. But once again young love, cold is nothing, those rare stolen moments were at a premium. I would’ve gladly caught frostbite. You have to understand a Latina with strict ass parents. I wouldn't likely have the opportunity to hang out like that again or like all kids I couldn’t see past the moment.

Now here is the thing. In Woodhaven, Queens I felt great. I knew a lot of people. I felt comfortable. I was home there. So, this particular morning when I knew it was too cold for that leather coat but my thirst to wear my new shit to school was more important than bronchitis. So, when my mother, being the Puerto Rican prophet that she is, said to me, “be careful with that coat someone may try to take it from you.’ I laughed and defiantly said, “mom for real? Who got the balls to try to take this from me out here.” However, life loves to teach you lessons you didn’t know you needed. Like foreshadowing directly out of a movie. She saw it all before I knew what that day had planned for me. She called so spot on that to this day when someone says to me, “be safe” or “get home safe” I always reply, “God willing, I’ll try.’ Also, one thing I never considered when I replied to my mother that way. I was staying in our neighborhood, and apparently there were plenty of people with “enough balls to try and take that from me.’

So, there I was in the park. Not late at night but because of the time of year it was dark as could be. Two guys both Latino one dark complexion and the other light complexion. They walked up on us and said, “run my shit!’ I have never ever been tough but I wasn’t soft either. So, I stood up and said take it. Which scared these two who took a step or back assuming I was about to attack the darker of the two pulled out a gun and repeated himself to give up my things. I knew I had lost, there was no longer a fight to be had. I wasn't willing to possibly or most likely trade my life in exchange for these things. Then the lighter of the two looked at my girlfriend specifically I think at the Christmas earrings. I said if you touch my girl, he cut me off while I was talking, “we not going to touch your shorty.’ That gave me some comfort despite how furious I was about the entire situation looking them in the eye as I unlocked my bracelet. Unzippered my coat never taking eye contact off their faces. Then the lighter of the two realizes my girlfriend has a flower in her hand and says, “its your birthday yo?’ My girlfriend lies and says yes. He looks at his partner gives me back my bookbag and tells his partner, “we going to fuck up her birthday?” The darker one replies, “fuck that” and proceeds to take y book bag again. They take my stuff and begin to leave. Still upset I yell them you don’t go to school leave my motherfucking books there. The lighter of the two obliges takes my things and throws them on a nearby bench and they run out the park.

Now coatless I work her to her mother’s job across the street. Which ironically, was where the NYPD housed confiscated drugs I believe. Her mother came down to the lobby first upset that her daughter was with me but she softened when her daughter began crying recounting what just happened. She called her detective friend who then took me for a drive around the park and took a report of the robbery. Nobody was found. I went home on the bus I believe, sad, upset, embarrassed, wanting to hurt someone for making me a victim. At midnight I get a call from the detective saying I got your coat. This dumb ass was so much skinnier and smaller than me attempted to rob a store still wearing my leather coat over his coat and had left my Boys and Girls Club ID and my high school program in the pocket. I got the coat back and eventually pointed the dark skin one out in a line up and the lighter of the two was never caught. That is how I learned though always listen to your mom they know a lot their gut feeling can be counted on to never steer you wrong. Who knows what could’ve happened. I remember the gun wasn’t even loaded……I hate thieves and I always will.

[amarantine-amirite]

Friday The 13th

Most people hate Mondays. I hate Fridays. I’ve learned that Fridays are to be feared.

Growing up, my parents would come home from work upset more often on Friday than any other day of the week. In particular, my mother would be so upset to the point of tears. I quickly learned that nothing good could ever happen on a Friday.

It wasn’t until eighth grade that I learned the rest of the world loved Fridays. My fear of Friday was unusual. The first step to reconciling my fear of Fridays begins with a girl with pink hair wearing a sweatshirt with the logo for TGI Fridays. “Who’s TGI Friday?” I asked.

The girl in the sweatshirt replied, “It’s a restaurant.”

I tipped my head over to one side. “That’s a funny name for a restaurant.”

“The name comes from the expression Thank God It’s Friday.”

Then it hit me; that powerful sense of dread that came from Fridays. “Why would you feel good about a Friday? I’ve never felt good about Fridays.”

Sweatshirt girl's jaw dropped. She laughed, “There’s no reason to feel bad about Fridays. Fridays are good! Fridays are awesome!”

“Not at our house,” I said. I shook my head and sat down. “At our house, Fridays are for coming home from work angry, exhausted, and frustrated. Not something to be thankful for.”

“Poor thing! Well, that stops today,” she said with that perky expression that gave me the sense that she was either on the cheerleading squad or a party animal. Either way, she overacted it.

I spent the second half of eighth grade learning to love Fridays like the rest of the world. And I did love Fridays. They were my favorite day of the week.

That is, of course, until 11th grade.

Why 11th grade? Because something happened that year that made me wonder if I had perhaps been on to something. Maybe Fridays were scary after all.

I couldn’t be left in the house by myself, so my parents insisted that I sign up for as many school clubs as possible. Unfortunately, a lot of these extracurriculars had performance quotas and the leaders insisted that we treat them as full-time jobs. Underperforming meant getting kicked out. Getting kicked out meant angry parents.

Staying in anywhere was tricky, but the act of getting in was harder because I was overweight. I had to take medications that caused me to gain weight like crazy. Because of my size, I didn't exactly have teachers begging to have me in their classrooms. None of the other kids lined up to be my friend.

Having people reject you for being fat goes beyond school. Doctors reject you, organizations reject you, and summer programs outside of school reject you. If they can reject people, they will reject me. Getting in anywhere usually happens because somewhere along the line, somebody thought I was someone else.

In 11th grade, I finally found an extracurricular that I could do: Model United Nations. I could sleep during Model UN and no one would notice. Mrs. Markland, the teacher in charge, had only one performance quota: sit still. It’s like being asked to take a nap.

Usually, when I signed up for an extracurricular, they kicked me out within the week. I’ve been in Model UN for three months. How can a fat person that does nothing but sleep survive in Model UN for as long as I did? What must have happened is that the teacher in charge accidentally mixed up the people who applied to be part of the Model United Nations on the go and no-go lists. Since nobody on the outside wanted to double-check, she had no choice but to let me in.

This happened on Friday the 13th, the day they had finally caught on in my little act of sleeping through Model UN meetings.

It started very simply. I started talking in my sleep. Someone had taken something that I had said as an insult and got the teacher involved. Depending on who you ask, either what happened next was my colossal mistake or the sleep talking was the colossal mistake and this just compounded it. I shouted, "Danger! Danger!" when Mrs. Markland woke me up. Worse, I put up dukes. Within two minutes, I found myself suspended. "All right Sarah, get your things and get in the car."

I packed everything up and got in. We drove off down the road. Mrs. Markland took every effort to stay on the side streets. I assumed she was going to drive me home.

I spent most of the drive staring out the window. A heavy fog loomed over the road. Periodically, the fog would lift and reveal that what you guessed would be in the fog, you guessed wrong. Trees lined the streets; they took the place of the houses. At first glance, you would think that it was the humble abode part of town. The minute you noticed the lack of houses, you knew that you were on the other side of the last chance to go to the bathroom. This was somewhere where you needed to pay close attention to your surroundings. Maybe Mrs. Markland took the long way home due to road construction, I thought. "Did we make a wrong turn somewhere?" I asked, "because my house is the other way."

"I'm not driving you home," said Mrs. Markland as we drove over the bridge into the city. "I'm late to my other job, and you're coming with me because I'm not leaving you out of my sight."

Nothing looked familiar. Everywhere I looked, I only saw either skyscrapers or cranes plus a dense, low-lying blanket of fog. The only reason I think Mrs. Markland found where she was supposed to go was because of this unearthly red glow coming from the windows on the third floor from the top. "Come with me," she ordered.

We took the elevator up to the third floor from the top. She went into her cubicle. "Sit there, don't touch anything," she barked at me as she pointed to the hard plastic chair outside the cubicle bay.

I don't like to be told no. Within 10 minutes of Mrs. Markland starting her work at her other job, I got up and helped myself to a little adventure. I walked over to the outdoor access and wandered over to the other end of the building. I saw two people in the window arguing. From what I gather, something broke. The first guy tried to blame the second guy, but the second guy insisted that it wasn’t his fault.

I had no idea what the specifics were, but it sounded like the first guy was a landlord, and the second guy was a tenant about to be evicted. That whole incident illustrated that in the city, everyone can hear you scream. And then they complain to the landlord. And then you get evicted.

There’s no sympathy for the guy that was evicted for making too much noise. The only eviction victims to get sympathy are either those who’ve lost their jobs and can’t pay the rent anymore or those who got kicked out because the landlord decided to renovate everything so they can turn around and sell it again at a premium. If you get evicted because of the commotion you caused, you only get sympathy if your baby or toddler created the excessive noise. Anybody else, you’re an idiot. No sympathy for you.

When the two of them left, I went into the room to see what happened. Something flipped the mattress upside down, pulled the curtains apart, and karate sliced the end table in half. Also, the ceiling fan melted.

It soon became clear who did the damage. The closet door opened up. A poltergeist hovered in the closet, emanating a cherry red glow.

The poltergeist looked like someone in a slap-dash narwhal costume. It easily towered over me and had long limbs, and hands tipped with long bony fingers. Its skin is a pale grey, darkening towards the ends of its clawed fingers and feet.

As it exited the closet, it flattened out and bent its neck in ways that no human could achieve. One look at its lush, ruby lips, giant ears, and lack of eyes or nose sent a hefty message: I was in deep shit.

I booked it out of there. It wasn’t enough. It puckered up its lips and encased me in shiny, lime green slime. An appendage rapidly emerged from its neck. It fired off a spark.

ZAP!

I could smell my skin cooking like it was the hairiest bacon ever made, yet I felt no pain. The searing heat from the emerald green and heliotrope purple flames had killed my nerve endings. I could feel only the vibration of the vast electrical current as it coursed through my body. Seconds before I lost consciousness, the poltergeist disappeared in a sparkling cloud of zeroes and ones.

I spent the next month in a coma. Upon awakening, I had to relearn all those basic functions such as walking, sitting up without falling over, and using my hands. I would never be the same. I now had a newfound respect for the fact that Fridays are scary for reasons far worse than stressed parents coming home from work.

@wonderful-prompts

[taking-over-his-life]

I wanted to be a biker, and my new job gave me a chance Ill never forget

I had just been successful at getting a promotion as a station manager to one of the central logistics hubs. The company had a range of logistics services including parcel delivery by van, specialist delivery by motorbike, and special link to the airport for customs clearance. I was really excited about it as it was only 5 miles from my house, and it was the first opportunity to manage 100 staff that was based at this site.

 My office was on the first floor and had a window that looked out over the main logistics centre, so I could see people coming and going on bikes and in vans.    

 In my first months I spent the time to get to know the management, supervisors and staff, or as many as I could. I spent a bit of time in the staff restaurant with the men and women that work there.

 I took special interest in the motorcycle courier section as I had a general interest in the bikes as well as those who rode them. They were out in all weathers and it showed on their leathers, and faces, well worn and when you got close you could also smell their gear. It took all my will power to keep my hands off them. I watched them in the smoking area in groups, laughing and horsing about with each other. 

 I was stuck up here doing the planning. Damn they seemed so happy so free. I watched as they came in from the rain, and put their drenched leathers over the radiators in the locker room. The smell wafted upstairs upsetting the women in the admin pool. I said I'd sort it, but damn I loved it. 

 I went down so they thought I was dealing. There were two guys in the locker room were in their undies, fuck I nearly came. ‘You ok guys’, I said. ‘Fucking soaking’ one replied, the other kept his head down. ‘Well get dry before you go out’. I said ‘Do we not supply waterproofs’ I said, ‘yes but forgot them’ he said. I walked out with a nose and lung full of that masculine smell. You would often find me down there during the day to get to know the guys.

 After a couple of months it was time for me to check out the night shift.

 There were a number of people I had not met, plus I wanted to see how the shifts worked. I checked in advance, and there was one controller who was at the far side of the complex, two drivers and 1 motorcycle courier who were working that night shift. 

 I arrived at about 1 am, and went straight to my office to do a little bit of work before I introduced myself to those on duty.

 I decided to go in nice and tidy, and wear a suit. After about 30-minutes I went downstairs, and decided to go straight to the control room. There was a guy in it called Dan. He got a bit of a shock that I was there, but I had a good chat with him and asked where the drivers were. 

 Both are out on jobs but they would be back in about 2 or 3 hours. I said I would let him know if I was still here when they got back. I would also let him know when I was leaving. 

 I asked about the courier and he said he would be in the crew room which was under the admin block right at the other side of the complex. There was nothing scheduled for him that night he was just on standby for emergencies.

 I walked over to the crew room. It was about 5-minutes walk from the control room. Dan had to stay in control room to man the phone and the radio so I knew it was only me and the biker on that side of the building

 It will be interesting to meet him. It was about 3 a.m. I had a boner which is normal for me at night, I just somehow had to keep it hidden so a little bit of adjustment and I felt more comfortable.

 It was going to be interesting to see how he reacted when the boss arrived. I was always professional so didn't see it as a major problem for myself 5 minutes conversation and I'll be back upstairs and could have a real good wank.

 I went into to crew room and there was no one there that I could see, so I went around the other side by the kitchen just to see whether he was there there was no one there.  I decided to go out into a corridor and go into the locker room, it's always something I enjoy, as the smell of guys leather boots old clothes damp clothes so erotic. 

 I pushed the door open and to my shock I saw the courier on the bench in between the lockers wearing his off-road boots, leather jeans and a black T-shirt. His Boots were on the back of two seats with his hand on his dick wanking furiously.

 What shocked me is how much he was so into it, he neither heard nor saw me. I stood there getting so excited rubbing my own groin. He opened his eyes and jumped when he saw me. ‘Don't move’ I said really loudly,’keep going you need to release’. 

 He put his hand back on his dick and smiled at me, ‘you want to help’ he said beckoning me over. I did and walked over to him I got down on my knees and moved my head towards his erect dick and swallowed his shaft licking and sucking as I moaned with delight.

 My hands were on his leathered thighs, and I could feel his muscles under the warm leather. His gloved hands came over and pushed my head down so the top of his dick was at the back of my throat, I just moaned with absolute delight.

 I was inbetween his legs tasting his premium smelling his leathers and feeling the warmth of his body through the leather was just incredible.  I looked up at him pulled away from his dick, ‘upstairs’ I said, ‘I'm your new manager’ I said. He gulped and smiled, ‘ok sir’ he said. He stood up and I saw him better, ‘nice’ I said. He grabbed my ass, ‘I'd like a piece of that’. He followed me upstairs and into the admin area. I locked the door.

 That was it. We both let go of every inhibition.  We were all over each other in each others mouths ass nothing was left untouched. He took off his T to reveal a tattooed torso. I licked at those pecs and then enjoyed the days old stink from his pits, licking them clean.

 Off came his boots and socks. My head went straight into the boots pulling his foot stink into my nose and lungs. It was hypnotic, the socks were unbelievable, male hormone leather and foot smell. I decided to pull off his leather jeans. He was wearing thermals underneath. It wasn’t long before I had them off him and against my nose. He followed quickly by stripping me naked,after that it was body against body.

 He was lying on the sofa legs apart when I decided to stand over him and lower my ass onto that huge dick. He held my waist and guided me on. In seconds he was in me. Pushing hard as I bobbed up and down. I knew he was close due to the breathing and clenched my ass muscles, he came floods in side me, grunting and moaning

 I collapsed on top of him and cuddled in. He did the same. 

After 10 mins or so he got up and went to sit at my desk.  ‘Feels good’ he said, ‘how do I look?’

 I smiled at him picked up my briefs, and threw them at him. ‘You need to dress the part,’ I said. I walked over to him put my hand on his balls and said ‘but first let's get this off you’.

 I went to his dick and removed his cock ring, putting it on my own dick and balls, then the silver neck chain over his head and onto mine then his rings. 

 ‘Better dress the part’ he said.  He rushed to pull my briefs over his dick and balls, then the vest. I passed him my shirt trousers, socks, shoes and jacket, and watched him as he dressed. He was so excited.

 ‘How do you feel ‘I said, as he rubbed himself all over,’ just perfect’ he said with a smile on his face. ‘I’m the boss now and I need a biker’s dick in my ass. I want to take it over my desk’.

 I was taken aback but an offer like that can’t be refused. I moved toward him dick erect. I said ‘I’m a biker’, he said ‘put your gear on first’.

 I didn't need to be told twice and so his thermals went on my legs over my butt and encased my dick. The socks were next followed by the leather jeans. I zipped them up, felt them I was so damn horny. Then the trail boots filthy from wear went on went both my feet and got buckled up.

There was only his BO stenched black T which I pulled over my head. I was the biker now.

 ‘So boss’ I said ‘get you ass over here’. He stood up came round the desk and started to kiss me. I spun him around put my hands around his waist and undid his belt, unzipped him and let his pants fall down. I pulled down his briefs and undid my leather jeans manoeuvred my dick through the thermals pushed him face first down onto his desk. His ass was in the air. I slowly pushed my dick head against it and slowly and gradually moved in up to the hilt. I started to pull in and out then faster becoming more violent.

 He moaned in ecstasy. I was so hot I could smell his scent mingling with mine from the T shirt, and suddenly I just burst and cum flowed into his guts as I totally emptied my load. I dropped on top of him. Held him, and pulled out.

 He was just elated as was I. He pulled up the trousers and sat at my desk. 

‘Fucking incredible man I could enjoy this office, being the boss’, he said.,  ‘go get your jacket, helmet, gloves and reflective from the locker room biker man, then come back up and service your boss’ he said.  ‘They are on the bench’.

 ‘Yes boss’ I said, which excited him. I went down to the locker room, loving the feel of his jeans and boots.

 The rest of his gear was there. I pulled on his fleece which stunk of sweat, then the leather jacket. Zipped myself in and attached it to the jeans.  Fuck it felt good. His hi vis tabard and radio were next, and then I pulled his helmet over my head, and then started to pull, on the gloves. 

 Suddenly the door burst open.  I jumped, ‘Where the fuck have you been Dave’ Dan the controller shouted, ‘get the fuck on that bike Dave, I have an urgent pick up’. He gave me a ticket. ‘Get a fucking move on he screamed’.

 I had no choice I grabbed my gloves and headed out to the bike. He believed I was Dave. 

 The keys were in it. I started it up, entered the details into the sat nav pulled on the gloves and rode off

 It was about 4am, freezing cold and the rain was belting down. Ages since it rode a bike but his gear felt so warm and soft on my skin. I rode for 30mins feeling more erotic, and more at home in his gear. I walked in as a courier and picked up a parcel the guy gave me. He gave me an address for delivery. I put it in the satnav and headed off for the delivery. Before I did it I called into control to let Dan know.

 Before I set off, I got a call from the real Dave. ‘Where the fuck are you’ he said. I explained. ‘What do I do’ he said ‘people will arrive in a couple of hours.’ He was shit scared.  ‘Go to my place .car keys in top drawn it’s the BMW outside. I gave him my address. I was due to be off for a few days.

 It was 530 when it delivered the parcel. I was soaked, but it was so damn sexual and the smell from his gear incredible. The leathers were so tight on me must be the rain I thought.

 I reported to control. I was off at 6 so they told me to go home. I was exhausted

 It was two hours to my place. I was soaked the weather was worse. I wondered where he lived. I rang he answered 

 ‘I'm fucking soaked and freezing’ I said in a gruffer voice than normal, must be the cold. , ‘welcome to my life man’ he replied. ‘I’m in old street, where do u live I cant ride 2 hours in this rain’ I said, he replied. ‘Your ten mins away’ ‘Thank heavens, I’ll go to your place and come over to tomorrow’   ‘ok’ he said, he sounded different. 

 ‘Have u been drinking’ I shouted, ‘yep nice place here’ he said’ just be careful in my place’ I retorted ‘Great body’ he said, ‘what’ I responded, I didn’t know what he meant.  I felt the rain coming through on my chest, and my beard was rubbing on my helmet. Beard? I just put the thought away and headed to his place.

  I parked the bike and headed upstairs to the flat. I found the keys in an outside pocket of the soaked leather jacket. I got inside and started to undress. Helmet. Came off my head, I pulled the gloves off finger by finger, as they stuck to me. Totally sodden. The, soaked, jacket, was unzipped, and fell down my shoulders. Then the damp stinking fleece came away from my chest, then my BO covered t-shirt, I was naked on top and cold. I rushed to remove the boots, full of water; my feet were freezing, then my thermals and socks. I left them all n a pile in the hallway and headed to the bedroom. I saw the bed through the darkness and just jumped in.

 ‘Your fucking freezing’, came a shout from a woman. ‘Fuck’ I said. I pulled the duvet over my head and my ring caught in my hair, hair?  I curled up and she came over and wrapped herself around me. ‘Poor bugger’ she said ‘let's warm you up’. I was terrified she would notice I wasn’t Dave, but I felt best to just stay there and be quiet.  I felt her breasts against my back. Fucking hell, what is going to happen when she sees me and realises I'm not Dave. 

 It felt so good as she as she cuddled in. I went to sleep. The next minute, which must have been hours later, as it was daylight, she was sitting on the bed looking at me with a hot drink. I was shocked she accepted me. I took the drink and as I looked at my hands they were different tattooed, ‘fucking hell’ I said to myself. I put down the drink and walked naked to a mirror. I was shocked I was him it was his face his body. I felt his longer hair his beard, he was a hard biker. I could see the tats on my arms and chest, I was him, My dick started to harden as I felt myself. I liked it.

 ‘How, why’. I was stunned. She came and wrapped herself around me. ‘You still as gorgeous’ she said as she pulled me to the bed, pushed me down, and undressed.

 She was on me in seconds working my dick which responded. I felt her breasts and soon I turned her over and was fucking her for dear life.

 This new body responded to her touch feel and smell like nothing I've ever felt it was so erotic.

 I spent the rest of the day sleeping knowing that I had to get myself over to my own house that evening. The more time I spent in this body as Dave the more I liked it and I decided that maybe keeping it for a few extra days wouldn't harm anyone and will allow him a little bit of luxury in my place.

 She dropped off all of my leathers and so I took the opportunity of putting the same on and telling her I was going out for a ride.

 ‘Can I come’ she said. ‘yes babe’ I replied. I was starting to talk like him. Out came a cig and I started to smoke as I pulled on all my gear.  she disappeared to get ready and when she came out she was dressed head-to-toe in tight black leather with stilettos heels. I couldn't believe it she I couldn't believe it she was incredible. I grabbed her around the waist as we walked down to the bike. I was heading out into the country speeding all the way eventually stopping at a small coffee bar next to some Woods.

 We had something to eat and drink all the time she's rubbing her leg on mine under the table I felt it was time we took a walk the wooded area.

 When we got in there she started kiss me. I was a lot taller than her. So I lifted her up my placing my arms under her legs and pulling her upwards against the tree. She was now level with my face. I took my hand and unzipped her leather jeans which had its zip from back to front

 I was kissing her I gradually unzipped my leather jeans my erect dick pushing in her direction till I found her hole. I pounded her against the tree and she enjoyed every second moaning with Delight.

 I came deep inside of her we lay down on the ground and chatted she said that I seemed different. I asked ‘was good or bad?’ ‘very good ‘she said. after that we walked back to the bike and headed back to the flat

 I received a call from Dave. He told me how much you was enjoying his new richer life and would I be prepared to stay in his place for a little longer.

  I immediately said yes as I was quite enjoying the change he started to laugh

 I came to realise that the change was created by exchanging clothes and getting the sweat of the other person on me. I wondered if he had ever done this before. He told me it was a regular event between himself and his girlfriend. I was shocked, he had been her? He told me how erotic it was and how much she liked it. It was only his body that could do it.

  I couldn't believe what I just heard.  That night I asked her if she wanted to change and she said yes.  She loved to have a dick to fuck with again and so she began to gradually undress and I did the same.

 I took out a joint and had a beer in my hand as I sat and watched the show. She slowly and sensually started to undress. The bedroom was dimly lit and she was high. She sat on the floor in front of me and lifted one leg. Resting her stiletto boot on my knee. I moved forward and found the zip near her vagina and started to slowly pull it down to the sole of her boot, he leg slipped out. My nose immediately went into the boot.

 I did the same with the second one putting it to the side. She stood up in front of me as she turned around and asked me to untie the Basque. I did, it fell to the floor.

 My dick was just raging; I stood up and rubbed myself against her. ‘It will soon be yours Dave she said, ‘all yours’ you can then be fucked so hard. She rubbed her leathered hands over her huge ass and crotch. Smiling at me. ‘you want’ yes yes’ I said.

 ‘unzip me’ she said. I put my hand up to her neck and started to pull the zipper down on the one piece. Right down to her privates. I pushed the leather over her shoulders and unzipped the small zips at her wrists and pulled it off her arms it dropped open near her ass. She was wearing a leather bra, which was filled with her ample breasts.

 She sat on the bed, as I pulled the one piece past her ass and off her legs, I knew id be in it soon, and I was as hard as iron seeping precum.

She undid her stockings and rolled them down her legs throwing them as me. I caught them, then the suspender belt came off and now the leather knickers. ‘These are yours now’ she said. I lit any another joint, and keep drinking. ‘I want to be fucked in your body ‘I screamed.

 ‘Get you gear off man, its mine now’ she said ‘OK OK and I hurried to strip down naked. She smacked my dick and said ‘Ill be using that soon’,

 ‘help me off with my bra she said’. I undid the clasp and she pulled the leather bra off. Sit on the bed she said, and from behind me she put my arms through the bra, it rested on my chest too small for me but soon my chest began to change, it got smaller in girth and started to produce women’s breasts, that started to fill the bra. The nipples were so damn sensitive and I moaned as she fastened the clasp.

  She picked up her knickers and passed them to me and I put my leg through them and pull them up over my massive dick. It started to disappear and I became thinner as the knickers started to fall into place on my body. I was in an other world. She stood behind me and put the suspender belt on me, my hips changed to fit them. She then moved to the floor and put a stocking on my left foot which immediately reshaped itself and rolled them up attaching them to the belt. I couldn’t move or do anything it was like a permanent orgasm. She then did the other leg, and I could see I was now becoming her.

 She passed me her one-piece leather she had been wearing it was very tight on her and showed her ass. I put my legs into the leather and pushed my left leg down and it went in really easy because of the nylons.

 I could feel myself getting thinner and smaller and more curvaceous she came up behind me to help me to pull up the leather one piece so it was over my shoulders and I slid my new arms into it.  I then pulled the zip all the way up from my new vagina up past my new huge tits and up to my neck

 she then placed the Basque around my waist and started to lace it so it pulled my waist in making my ass look bigger it felt so so good. the rest was down to me as she was dressing in my gear.  I picked up this stilettos and with the right one I pushed my new foot into it and pulled it right way up to my waist I got hold of the zip and pulled it up.  I did exactly the same with the other leg.

 I picked up her leather jacket and gloves and pulled them on. Was this real, I felt all over my new body, the tight leather, inside was incredible the feelings.  

 I walked over to the mirror and I saw her reflection, not Dave’s I had changed places so what Dave had said was true. I sat down somewhat shocked enjoying the new experience and watching her dress as me and gradually her looks her body her size all changed she was now the new Dave.

 She (or he) wanted to go out on the bike again, this time to be in control to go to the same place and follow through with the same fuck session this afternoon, but she would be in control and I would be the one against the tree.

 I was more than happy to oblige, I wanted to know how it felt.  I followed him down to the bike, the new tight leathers rubbing my sensitive skin. Mt breasts we just so erotic as they moved in the bra and the leather knickers just slid backward and forward with my precum. I sat on the back for the first time and placed my arms around his waist. it was so sensual as I rested my breasts on his back

 What an incredible experience when we got there, he helped me off the bike holding my ass as we went into the woods. It wasn’t easy walking in stilettos so he held me close, This body was reacting. When we got to the tree, he gently rested me against it, kissing me as he rubbed my breasts. I had my leathered hand on his leather dick and gradually unzipped him and pulled it out. I licked his precum from my leather glove as we kissed.  His hands went in-between my legs and held my thighs lifting me off the ground so my vagina was opposite his erect dick, I pulled down my zip and pulled out my new breasts and then pushed the zip right down so it was opened right to my ass.

 the next minute his huge dick found the target, I was in ecstasy waiting for an experience no man has ever had. He started to push and his head slid into me, My head went backwards in ecstasy as he pushed it right up to the hilt. After that he was backward and forward in and out till he shots loads inside of me and I orgasmed.  my first female orgasm.

 The whole experience was incredible; I understand why these two do this regularly. No way was I going to give this up.

We rode home, stripped off, returned to ourselves and got absolutely drunk and drugged.

All this time the real Dave was texting me. I ignored it. He was wondering where I was. Fuck him; I’m not going back to what I was. I’m Dave and I’m not changing back.

[mopeytropey]

a beer buds series: chapter 10

author’s note: When I originally told my wife of the idea for this series, she immediately suggested an entire rewrite of 'a pleasant undoing' but told from Lexa's perspective. So I'm counting chapters 9 and 10 as honoring her wishes. The continuation of this series will reprise our almost strictly Lincoln + Lexa formula, but I'm not naive enough to think that at least 99% of you weren't going into this also hoping for some premium Clarke + Lexa content. (Forgive me for the deviation ... and the smut)

Timeline: essentially, we're just picking up where chapter 9 left off ...

Beer: Lil’ Heaven: Two Roads Brewing (Stratford, CT) SESSION IPA

Made with three exotic hops - Azacca, Mosaic and Equinox. Taste is of tropical fruits, specifically passion fruit, grapefruit and apricots. Finishes with just enough toasted malt character to balance.

ABV 4.8%

Posted on AO3 here, or below the cut: 

:::

“Hey, don’t I know you?”

“I saw you two days ago.” Lexa affectionately rolls her eyes, nevertheless smiling while accepting an exaggerated hug from Lincoln as if they are reuniting after a long separation. 

“Work doesn’t count. You’ve been completely off the radar for a week, socially speaking.” 

They’ve met for an impromptu breakfast at a local diner not far from Lexa’s apartment. She’s back in her neighborhood for practicality reasons, having left the idyllic bubble of Clarke’s bedroom in order to do some loads of laundry. But, it’s also a nice excuse to see her friend. 

Lincoln has already procured them steaming cups of coffee and a pair of red vinyl stools at the breakfast counter that faces the busy griddle top. He is grinning at her as they sit, awaiting her response. 

“I’ve just been … busy,” she says, not even able to curb the bashful smile that follows as she removes her coat and hat.

Lexa pretends not to blush, knowing full well her time spent with Clarke has superseded any other social obligations as they have begun a long overdue exploration of new and exciting facets of their relationship. 

Namely sex. A good portion of her week has, in fact, been absorbed by unspeakably good sex. 

“Uh-huh,” Lincoln laughs warmly. “I wasn’t even sure you two had remembered how to physically separate at this point. Thought maybe Clarke would be joining us as well based solely on the fact that you two haven’t surfaced for anything other than work responsibilities in a full week.” 

Lexa sips her coffee through a growing grin to prolong any acknowledgement of Lincoln’s playful accusation. 

“Morning, hon’.” A familiar waitress says in passing, leaving two menus beside Lincoln’s coffee cup. “Let me know when you’re ready to order.” 

“Thanks, Helen,” Lexa smiles. It’s not often that she indulges in big breakfast meals, preferring her protein smoothies or avocado toast, but Lexa has nevertheless fallen into a routine of frequenting the diner as a way of establishing new roots. 

In her old Brooklyn borough it had been the Chilo’s taco bar where she and Anya would meet every Friday to decompress from the work week over carnitas tacos and cheap beer. In her new portside life in Massachusetts, it’s Angie’s Diner. The coffee is palatable, at best, but the atmosphere is welcoming and Lexa has always enjoyed seeing familiar faces when forced to dine alone. Helen’s gruff, New England endearments in a seasoned, smoker’s voice, have consistently been a comforting presence. 

When the woman shuffles off to tend to the other, early morning diners, Lexa turns to see Lincoln still watching her expectantly. “Clarke had some tasks at Dockside to attend to, and I really need clean clothes.” 

“And, you’re functioning okay in her absence? Breathing okay and everything?” 

Lexa laughs at his continued teasing, but easily concedes to an honest answer. So much uninterrupted time spent in Clarke’s company, sharing the myriad truths about their feelings, has apparently begun to bleed into her other relationships as well. 

Lexa has almost always been able to leave herself unguarded in Lincoln’s presence anyway. 

“I’m probably more dysfunctional when she’s around, actually.” 

Lincoln stifles a laugh around a sip of his coffee. “That sounds like a fair assessment. Everything’s going as well as expected then?”

“Yeah, it’s—” Lexa tries, and instantly fails, not to picture Clarke lathered and laughing in the shower while Lexa fights to stand beneath the warm, steaming spray; Clarke pressing her against the kitchen countertops with hands roaming while the coffee steeps; Clarke cuddling into her on the sofa with the lights dim and the TV volume low “—it’s been really good.” 

“Oh no.”

“What?” Lexa smiles unsurely, eyes widening at Lincoln’s grave expression.

“What’s with the hesitation?”

“What hesitation? I did not hesitate.” 

“I know that hesitation.” Lincoln narrows his gaze at her, dark eyes assessing for signs of Lexa’s concession. “What are you in your head about now?” 

She really needs to stop associating with people who can read her like a book. 

“Okay, fine,” Lexa exhales. She flips open the worn menu, its once glossy, laminate pages now dulled from years of loyal patronage. “I’m just adjusting to the intensity of it all.” 

“You’ve made a major life change. Totally normal to feel overwhelmed,” Lincoln shrugs. 

“I know. You’re right. I haven’t even slept at my apartment in almost a week.”

“And, this is somehow a bad thing?” Lincoln laughs. 

“No, I have absolutely zero complaints,” Lexa clarifies. “But, we’re spending literally all of our free time together—and portions of our work days, too.”    

Lincoln chuckles after another sip of coffee. “Also totally normal. In the beginning, Octavia used to impose all of these ridiculous sleepover schedules—like, spending three nights a week together is the maximum, or whatever—only to completely abandon her own, dumb rule and would end up sleeping at mine for weeks at a time.” Lincoln thinks better of it a second later and warns, “Don’t ever tell her I told you that.” 

The legitimate fear she can see in his eyes makes her laugh, and suddenly she doesn’t feel quite so overwhelmed. “I’ve always considered it wise not to let on that I know just how obsessed Octavia is with you.”  

“Smart woman,” Lincoln winks. “So, other than acclimating to new sleeping arrangements, what is it that’s stressing you out? You think you’re spending too much time together?” 

“That’s the thing—I like being able to be with Clarke as much as possible. This past week, spending time with her, I’ve felt calmer and happier and more settled than I have in ages.”

Lincoln smiles so warmly, Lexa can feel it in her chest. “Don’t you think Clarke feels exactly the same way?”

“I’m pretty confident that Clarke enjoys having me around, yes. It’s not like she’s trying to kick me out of her house or anything yet.” 

“But?” 

“But, I keep wondering what the long-term implications are. Because the way that everything is changing between us: it feels … significant.” 

“Yeah. That’s because you’re in l—”

Lexa looks away with a groan that drowns out the rest of Lincoln’s statement, rubbing a hand against her forehead. “Oh my god, please stop saying that.” 

“Okay, okay,” Lincoln laughs. And then, after a moment while clearing his throat, he not-so-subtly reiterates: “But, you are.” 

Lexa studiously ignores any truth in Lincoln’s playful accusation and further expounds, “I guess if anything is stressing me out, it’s not knowing if Clarke is experiencing something similar to what I am right now.”

“Knowing Clarke like I do, and having had the pleasure of a front row seat to all of this from day one, I can confidently assure you that she is right there with you. That being said, have you ever considered—I don’t know—asking her yourself instead of sitting here having a hypothetical conversation about it with me?”    

“I do plan to speak with her about this,” Lexa assures an openly skeptical Lincoln. “I do.”

“I mean, you’re in the first week of a new relationship, Lex. I get it. That is usually not time that’s predominantly spent talking.” 

Lexa is saved from her sudden flush of embarrassment by the return of their waitress, Helen, who kindly disregards the red tint on Lexa’s cheeks as she orders her scrambled eggs and rye toast. 

“The point is,” Lincoln continues once their orders have been placed, “you guys have this really solid and established friendship going into this thing. In my experience, that can sort of push you ahead at a faster clip than you’re probably accustomed to in relationships.” He drains his coffee, placing it back onto the counter with a dull clink. “So, what would make you feel better about the rate at which you and Clarke are headed?”

Lincoln has a uniquely comforting way of simplifying Lexa’s life. He’s so genuine and forthcoming, and she could hug him again for all his supportive logic. Instead, she takes a deep breath to clear her head and pledges to hug him later. 

“I want to be up front with her about where I see this going, to determine whether or not she and I are on the same page. I want her to know that I’m—”

“—in love with her?” Lincoln grins. 

Lexa punches him, with unintentional force, and regrets it only when Helen—a middle-aged woman with salt-and-pepper curls and kind eyes—glances at them in mild concern as she refills their coffee. “I would ask if he’s bothering you, hon’, but I have a feeling you’re more than capable of handling yourself.” 

“Don’t worry, I deserved that,” Lincoln assures their waitress, laughing at Lexa’s menacing scowl while rubbing his arm. 

“I was going to say, I want Clarke to know that I’m not interested in dating anyone else.” 

“Oh, right, right,” Lincoln nods, still smiling. “See, I just keep forgetting you two haven’t already been dating exclusively for, like, six months.” 

“Why do I hang out with you again?” 

For all her feigned exasperation, she is instantly wrapped up in an embrace, not unlike an older brother might lovingly harass his younger sibling. “Because you love me.” He pulls her in closely for a monstrous hug—right there at the diner counter—despite Lexa’s sharp elbow to his abdomen as she playfully fights against the forced affection. 

:::

Clarke emerges from her silver Saab just as Lexa ambles across the snow-dusted gravel of the marina, icy rocks crunching beneath her boots. Cars are parked at odd, misfitted angles wherever they can find space between the boats set up on large blocks in their bright white winter wrappings. Clarke is wearing her plaid scarf and bulky winter parka, and Lexa’s chest tightens with equal amounts of excitement and trepidation at seeing her again after a short span apart. 

“You should have let me pick you up,” Clarke says by way of a greeting. 

“It’s not a bad walk from my apartment.” 

Their breaths dissipate in the air between them after briefly appearing in frozen clouds. Lexa can feel her teeth about to chatter because the air on the water is properly freezing, but she attributes the chill along her spine to the nervous energy of being near Clarke. 

Clarke’s gaze narrows in judgement. “Stubborn.” 

“Those in glass houses,” Lexa counters, arching her brow in a way that brings that pleasant tint of blush to Clarke’s cheeks. 

It could very well be the wind; except Lexa knows that it isn’t. 

“Okay can we further reprimand each other once we’re inside where it’s warm?”

Clarke’s gloved hand wraps around her coat sleeve and tugs until they are both headed towards the blue front door of the coffee shop. A welcomed gush of warm air envelopes them instantly, and Lexa’s skin begins to tingle where the harsh winds had chilled her face. There isn’t much of a line, nor is the shop crowded with other people. The moderately-sized open room is sparse with patrons, enjoying their steaming drinks under natural lighting and softly playing music. 

It’s been six days—not that Lexa has been meticulously keeping track, but it’s been six days—of near-constant kissing and unrestrained touch; of perpetual orgasms and an intentionally precise exploration of Clarke’s body; of general sensory overload when it comes to redefining her relationship with her best friend. Hardly a week has transpired since they began testing the waters of this mutual attraction, which has nevertheless consumed Lexa entirely. 

Maybe it’s only been six days, an insignificant length of time under normal circumstances, but it feels much more weighted than that. 

Between the kissing and the touching and the orgasms, nevermind the sudden influx of unveiled honesty, she can hardly keep her head above water. Her mind hasn’t stopped spinning since that first kiss on Clarke’s doorstep, and she’s only slightly concerned with contracting vertigo if they don’t stop and address what is happening between them sooner rather than later. Lexa needs to sit in a familiar, public space in the light of day with her best friend to discuss the implications on their relationship as it progresses at full tilt. 

Lincoln’s advice rings in her ears as they enter the shop: just talk to Clarke. 

“Hey, strangers!” A barista greets them happily as she and Clarke approach the cash register. Her name slips from Lexa’s memory, but Clarke returns her greeting for them both. 

“Hey, Morgan.”

“Oh my god, I thought you two got lost at sea or something. We haven’t seen you in ages.” Morgan is young, perhaps just out of college, with bright pink hair and a septum piercing. 

Clarke’s head shifts so that she can give Lexa a strange look, which Lexa promptly returns before offering a brief smile. “Oh, um, yeah. Just busy during the holidays,” Clarke answers. 

Lexa gives her order and Clarke pays, brushing off Lexa’s insistence on paying her share. In seven months, if she’s learned anything, it is not to question Clarke’s generosity. They move to a deserted sofa beside an old wood stove fireplace to wait for their drinks and begin removing their coats and hats. Lexa’s toes begin to tingle and thaw within her leather boots as the heat from the fire permeates. 

The harborside shop is the same as always: natural light streaming through the windows facing the water; a smattering of locally produced art hanging on brightly colored walls; and, a handful of other patrons sitting in mismatched furniture with computers or paperbacks. Everything is the same, except for her and Clarke. 

They sit closely, quickly finding small, innocuous points of contact. Clarke tucks into one end of the sofa so that her knees rest gently against Lexa’s legs. Their hands seek touch as the barista delivers their drinks, separating only briefly to accept the steaming mugs and offer their gratitude. Once Morgan leaves them to attend other customers, Lexa falls into the comfort of their secluded, sun-drenched pocket of the shop. 

“It’s so cold outside. I think my feet are still thawing.”

“It feels nice in here,” Lexa responds, smiling because Clarke inches closer to her anyway and she was only outside for under two minutes as it is. 

Lexa senses a buzzing from her coat where it sits beside her and reaches into one of its deep pockets to check her phone. A text from Lincoln confirms their plans to meet up later for drinks. She types a quick, one-handed response before replacing her phone and returning her full attention to Clarke.

“Lincoln,” she explains, although Clarke doesn’t look poised to ask.

“Does he miss you already?”

Lexa laughs, shaking her head. “No, he’s not nearly as codependent as you.” 

Clarke attempts to withdraw her fingers from where they are slotted between Lexa’s, but Lexa tightens her grasp with a widening grin at Clarke’s dropped jaw and feigned affront. 

“Are you still hanging out later?”

“Yeah, he was just confirming the time.” Lexa’s thumb smooths across the back of Clarke’s hand in a slow, repetitive arch. “Are you sure you don’t want to come with me?”

Clarke shakes her head firmly. “No, this is your sacred time together—I can’t encroach on that.”

“It’s beers and appetizers, Clarke. I wouldn’t call it sacred.”  

Clarke’s eyes widen dramatically. “I’m gonna tell him you said that.”

The empty threat makes Lexa smile again. They’ve always had a particular talent for banter, and the added layer of their recent sexual experiences makes it all the more delightful to trade taunts and harmless barbs. 

“How was your laundry adventure?” Clarke asks while reaching for her coffee, and Lexa smirks.

“Thrilling.”

Despite her instincts to stay within reach of Clarke at all times as much as physically possible, there is also the issue of personal hygiene. In this case, it was Lexa’s growing pile of clothes that needed attending. 

“And breakfast with Lincoln?”  

She can’t tell Clarke how she is actually reconsidering a lifelong friendship with Lincoln because he had spent a majority of the morning brutally teasing her. To reveal that would require Lexa to also elaborate on his specific proclamations about her feelings for Clarke. 

And so, Lexa tells her, “It was good.”  

“You can always do laundry at mine, you know.” 

“Is this just another ploy to keep me tethered to your house for longer intervals?”

An exasperated look flashes across Clarke’s face while she swallows down a mouthful of steaming coffee. “Yes. Have you not been paying attention at all over the past week?” 

Lexa swallows through a grin of her own. There’s really only one, notable thing they’ve been engaged in over the past week, and to think of it now has Lexa’s face warming as she becomes acutely aware of Clarke’s proximity in a public space. 

“I’ve been a little preoccupied lately.” 

Light laughter escapes her as Lexa’s right hand fiddles the ribbing of Clarke’s sweater between her fingers. She is dressed in something off-white and oversized that cuts at a low vee below her neck so that Lexa’s eyes begin to wander to its shadowed opening. It’s a sweater she remembers from the time before—when all of Lexa’s cultivated interest in Clarke (including her wardrobe) was something unspoken and dutifully ignored. 

Lexa remembers that Clarke had been dressed for a dinner at her mother’s house, and Lexa had been granted a chance encounter for quick minutes in which they danced around a thrumming attraction. She can feel it sparking in the air between them now, their pocket of relative privacy threatening to implode from the calculated looks Clarke is giving her. 

“Busy week?” she further teases, eyeing Lexa’s blush over the rim of her coffee mug as she takes another sip. 

Lexa purses her lips and narrows her gaze at Clarke’s self-satisfaction. “Exactly how much joy does it bring you to torture me?”   

“So much,” Clarke laughs. She slips her fingers between Lexa’s so that they are loosely held together. “But only because you’re so adorable when you’re exasperated.” 

“Flattery is supposed to absolve you?”

“Obviously.” Clarke rolls her eyes, bringing Lexa’s fingers to her mouth and brushing them quickly with a kiss. 

With affections such as this, Lexa would forgive her of almost anything. 

“So,” Clarke says through a sigh while bringing their joined hands to rest again on her knee. “What did you want to talk about?” 

Now that Clarke has given her the floor, Lexa practically swallows her tongue in nervous vacillation. She had strategized a few, well-devised talking points during the process of cleaning her clothes, not to mention procuring some sound advice from Lincoln over breakfast, but sitting here in front of Clarke has made Lexa forget how to string together words and phrases to construct complete thoughts. 

In a desperate attempt to find her resolve, she reaches for the cup of english black tea she’d ordered. Lexa takes her first sip, wishing she’d asked for a pinch more sugar but nevertheless hoping it will soothe her racing thoughts. 

“I just wanted to … check in.” 

Pathetically underwhelming start. Lincoln would be so disappointed. She takes another sip that is more like a gulp. 

Clarke nods slowly. “Okay.” 

“About us.”

“Okay,” Clarke repeats, her smile looking apprehensive at best. 

“Our friendship has evolved significantly over the past week, and rapidly, at that. I just thought we should—” Lexa wavers and Clarke comes to her rescue.

“Check in?” 

“Yeah,” Lexa nods.

“Okay. Are you—are you feeling okay about everything?” 

Lexa begins to tangle her fingers around Clarke’s more fervently. “Things with you are almost too good.”

Clarke’s smile changes instantly, full and bright and genuinely pleased. “I feel the same. I’m actually feeling incredibly, fucking lucky, to put a finer point on it.” 

“Good,” Lexa smiles, exhaling a modicum of relief. “I do too.” 

“Oh my god, you had me scared.” Clarke leans back into the couch, dislodging their hands to run her fingers through her hair. “I thought you were going to say you want to date other people or something.” 

“What? No.” Lexa’s breath has been lost to a vacuum of panic so that her ask is hardly audible. “Do you?”

“No! No. I’ve dated, Lexa. I’ve dated plenty,” Clarke laughs lightly, reaching for a surer hold on Lexa’s fingers. “But, you—I mean, you’re single for the first time in over three years. You must have thought about it.” 

Not single, Lexa says to herself before thinking better of it and rephrasing aloud:

“Clarke, I could date a hundred women and none of them would be you.”

“Yes, I am fairly certain I’ve yet to be cloned.”

“Are you going to stop being a smartass so I can say this?” Lexa smiles in mock irritation. 

“Sorry, sorry.” Clarke pinches her lips together, attentive. “Continue.” 

“What I mean is, no one else would compare. I’ve never met anyone like you—this connection I feel with you, I’ve never experienced anything like it.” Lexa takes a breath, licking her lips before forging onward. “I can’t say where this is going, but I can say, unquestionably, that I have no interest in dating anyone else for the foreseeable future.” 

The words leave her in a rush of honesty. It feels like she’s said too much too soon, but Clarke leans forward with a smile and Lexa interprets the gentle press of her lips as having said exactly the right thing. 

“Do you think we can take these drinks to-go and finish this conversation elsewhere?” Clarke’s voice is pitched low and seductive, and Lexa senses a chill tingling at the back of her neck. 

She resolves to stop doubting her honesty, if also to reconsider hanging out with Clarke in public spaces for a while until they can get their rampant sexual urges under control long enough to enjoy a cup of tea. 

“Did you have a specific location in mind?” she grins in response as if the gleam in Clarke’s eyes isn’t a clear enough indication. 

:::

Part 2

:::

The sex is consistently noteworthy, and Lexa had never really doubted that she and Clarke would be compatible in that way, but so is the intimacy alongside it. Lexa has never before distinguished between the two so markedly. But, with Clarke, the intimacy is so distinct. When she is coming around Clarke’s fingers, letting her watch the strains of pleasure in her face and shoulders, Lexa registers the vulnerability of being caught in Clarke’s gaze as an orgasm ricochets through her. 

Ordinarily, a week into any new relationship and Lexa would still be clinging to well-practiced safeguards. She would be withholding some parts of herself for safekeeping and ultimate preservation should things go sideways. 

But, not with Clarke. 

She likes that Clarke watches her so carefully. The way that she feels when held by Clarke’s gaze is a kind of certain safety that Lexa hasn’t known before. She kisses Clarke fully, holding nothing back as the pulsating aftershocks of her orgasm begin to ebb. When Clarke slowly removes her fingers, Lexa bites Clarke’s lip, swallowing the soft moan that follows.  

“Does this mean you want to be exclusive?” Lexa asks, still breathless, when their lips have parted. 

She feels Clarke’s laughter against her face before she’s being kissed again. “Yes, you idiot.” 

“Good. Because I want to take you out.” 

“Tonight?”

“Not tonight. It’s going to require some planning. I’d like it to be a proper date.” 

Clarke’s elation is instantly visible. “Okay. I’m going to be honest, I’m highly intrigued to find out what a proper Lexa date looks like.” 

Lexa kisses her again and considers, not for the first time, if she’ll be able to stop now that she’s started. Clarke’s warm tongue and soft lips are now vital to Lexa’s existence. She craves the sensation of their mouths sliding together at random intervals throughout her days. 

“Kissing you has not been a disappointment,” she says, bringing more of Clarke’s bright laughter as they shift their limbs to reposition against the mattress.

Clarke’s leg wraps around her waist as Lexa brushes stray hair from Clarke’s face where they now lay facing side-by-side. “Oh, my god, I’ll second that. I knew you would be a good kisser.”

“Did you?” Lexa smiles at the confession. She likes that Clarke had thought of her in similar ways. She had not been the only one lost in questionably scandalous daydreams over the course of their friendship. 

“Yes. I may have thought about it, once or twice.” 

“I had a pretty good feeling about your talents as well.” 

It’s such a simple, shared admission that nevertheless makes Lexa’s heart trip in its rhythm. “And now, I think about it constantly.”

For that, she is rewarded with another press of Clarke’s lips. “Me too. I’m pretty sure I’m regressing into a terrible excuse for a restaurant manager as a result of constant distraction.” 

“And the bar for your professionalism was already set so low as it is.” 

“Hey!” For that she gets a finger plunged sharply between her ribs, and Lexa squirms away from Clarke’s violent tickling. 

“I’m kidding. You are an elite and respected paragon of your field.” 

“You’re damn right I am,” Clarke affirms with pride. 

“Honestly, I was so lost in thought the other day, I dropped a six pack on my foot.”

“Lexa!” Clarke laughs, kissing Lexa again anyway. “Oh no.”

“No permanent damage,” Lexa smiles. “Can I tell you what else I really like?”

Clarke could not look more delighted. “Yes, please.”

“I really like your sweater.” 

“Wait—which sweater?”

Lexa props up onto an elbow, separating their warm skin as she casts her eyes around the room before locating the sweater in question. It sits near the foot of the bed where it had been discarded moments before. “That one,” she says. “It looks really good on you.” 

Clarke seems both surprised and amused by the compliment. “Come here.” 

Lexa allows herself to be pulled closer when Clarke wraps both hands around the back of her neck and their limbs slot back into place. They kiss lazily as if time doesn’t exist while Lexa’s hands begin to drift along the pathways she has started to chart across Clarke’s skin.

“I like seeing you in such a good mood,” Clarke eventually tells her. 

“The effect of midafternoon orgasms cannot be underrated.” The frank sentiment makes Clarke laugh again as she rests their foreheads together and begins smoothing over Lexa’s skin with the tips of her fingers. “Also, I like being able to tell you things—things I wouldn’t have been able to say before.”

“I like when you tell me things.” Clarke tucks a strand of loose curls around Lexa’s ear. “Anything else in that busy head of yours you feel like sharing?”

Three words ring prominently in Lexa’s ears, and she fully blames Lincoln’s stupid taunting for the sentiment being at the forefront of her mind. It has nothing to do with the soft, swirling blue of Clarke’s eyes, or the subtle tilt of her mouth, or the fact that Lexa has memorized the sound of Clarke’s laugh. She swallows roughly and presses her lips to Clarke’s, sealing the unspoken words between them for good measure. 

She instead tells Clarke a different truth, “I’m feeling much better since we talked.” 

“I’m glad,” Clarke smiles. “I feel better, too.” She runs a hand down Lexa’s arm, finding her fingers. 

“I was sort of anxious to say anything,” Lexa admits, feeling brave while cocooned in Clarke’s bed despite her earlier insecurities. She had worried, yet again, about saying too much. There was always the risk of Clarke pulling away if Lexa revealed too much. “I spent at least two days debating with myself.” 

Clarke’s exaggerated surprise results in Lexa’s quiet giggles. “No, you did? You tortured yourself for days with unnecessary internal debates? That is highly out-of-character, Lexa.”

“You really are a lot more like Lincoln than I ever realized.” 

Clarke’s laughter somehow brings them closer together, and Lexa shifts her legs where they are staggered between Clarke’s. “I’ll take that as a compliment. And, I’m glad you finally talked to me about this. I mean, I wasn’t totally expecting you to propose in the way that you did, but—” 

“Clarke.” Lexa buries her face into the pillow and clenches her eyes to stave off her creeping mortification. So much for embracing her honesty.  

Of course, Clarke is endlessly humored by watching Lexa suffer and only continues her assault on Lexa’s heartfelt admission. “I mean, correct me if I’m misquoting, but you said: ‘for the foreseeable future,’ which basically translates into asking me to date you, but like, forever.” 

“Oh my god,” Lexa mumbles, her face still pressed into the soft cotton of Clarke’s pillowcase. 

Clarke is not deterred by Lexa’s mounting humiliation, pressing kisses full of laughter into her neck and shoulder until Lexa finally turns to face her. Using the leverage of her leg wrapped around Lexa’s hips, Clarke has since wrestled her onto her back. 

“See?” she says, running an index finger down the slope of Lexa’s nose and effectively smoothing the furrow of embarrassment between her eyebrows. “So adorable.” 

It’s hard to keep hold of her ire when Clarke is naked above her and straddling her hips. Perhaps Clarke knows this as well because even as she shifts imperceptibly, Lexa feels it straight through her core. Her hands come to rest on the tops of Clarke’s thighs, and though she senses a residual scowl tugging at her lips, most of her regret for being too honest has faded. 

“I’m sorry for making fun,” Clarke says while her thumbs rub circular patterns on Lexa’s ribs. 

Lexa has never seen anyone look less apologetic in her life. “I would be more inclined to believe you if you weren’t actively trying not to laugh.” 

“No, no, I’m serious,” Clarke reiterates, although she is fully laughing now. She clears her throat, aiming valiantly for composure. “What you said was so sweet, and, I mean, in case you couldn’t tell, I sort of plan on dating you for a really long time, too.” 

Lexa fights her own smile rather poorly. “Well, that’s very convenient.” 

“Yeah, I thought so,” Clarke nods. 

It’s the perfect segue into more unrestrained fondling, more languid kisses, and Clarke seems to be on the same wavelength as she leans her weight onto her hands and begins to roll her hips. It’s easier falling into this rhythm when for six days they have perpetually cycled the same routine: intimate talks bookended by multiple orgasms that are interspersed with brief intervals reserved for sleep and nourishment. 

Lexa gasps into their first kiss from their well-timed movements—the feeling of them sliding together in that way has a heated sensation building quick and low. Just the pressure of Clarke on top of her and the way her slow, purposed movements are hitting Lexa in the all the right spots, has her close to a second orgasm in minutes.

She can hear Clarke’s breathing accelerate as well, the forced puffs of air through her nose that Lexa feels against her cheeks as their kisses grow more urgent. Clarke’s hand moves first, skating down Lexa’s abdomen as she lifts her hips to slide her fingers towards Lexa’s clit. It’s been no more than twenty minutes since her last orgasm, but Lexa’s body instantly responds to the circulating pressure of Clarke’s fingers moving against her. 

They are still figuring things out, learning how the other responds to physical arousal, but this—Clarke on top of her, easily working her towards climax with deft fingers and filthy, open-mouth kisses—will do the trick every, single time. Lexa could probably come with much less stimulation at this point, when brushing touches while fully clothed are sometimes too much for her to function. Never mind the visual currently hovering over her—Clarke’s bouncing chest, grinding hips, and blown pupils. An image of her fingers sunk into Clarke in this position is enough to send Lexa over the edge. Her back arches off the mattress as the orgasm rolls up her spine, and Lexa catches her breath only after Clarke starts kissing her again. 

A familiar dilemma has Lexa torn between using her hands or her mouth as the tingling sensations of her own orgasm have barely begun to fade. In the end, her urgency to feel Clarke’s arousal, and see it to completion, has Lexa moving a hand between their bodies to slide eager fingers into Clarke’s folds. There will always be time later to bury her face between Clarke’s legs. 

Her breath always stutters at that first touch—it’s slick and warm and Clarke groans appreciatively when Lexa extends two fingers just as Clarke sinks onto Lexa’s hand. That she is open and intimate with Clarke in a way she never thought possible has not fully registered as her new reality, and for a brief second, Lexa’s mind goes blank. 

In another breath, Lexa shifts, guiding Clarke to change her position just enough that she can take one of Clarke’s nipples into her mouth. The quick suction and slow laps of her tongue produce a groan from Clarke that Lexa will be thinking about days later. 

“Fuck, Lexa,” Clarke pants, her hips now thrusting quicker against Lexa’s hand, pressing harder against her fingers as they slide in an out. 

Clarke’s arms shift, palms flat against the mattress on either side of Lexa’s head where she is still holding her weight. 

“Are your arms getting tired? Do you want to switch positions?” Lexa absently moves her hand that had been massaging one of Clarke’s breasts to lightly hold her bicep. 

“No.” Clarke smiles and kisses her softly, in direct contrast to the way she is currently riding Lexa’s fingers. “You’re very sweet, but I’m good.” 

“Okay, good. Because I’m really appreciating this view,” Lexa grins, moving her hand again to swipe a thumb across Clarke’s nipple. 

“Do you think you can—”

She doesn’t let Clarke finish, relying instead on her still-developing intuitions, and takes the other nipple into her mouth. 

“Yes, fuck.” 

Lexa celebrates her victory of predicting Clarke’s needs by altering the position of her hand to reach Clarke’s clit with her thumb, the result of which has Clarke nearly collapsing onto her as her elbows buckle and her hips jerk forward. Lexa finds a well-practiced rhythm after that and works Clarke all the way to climax until the movement of her hips becomes erratic and she is no longer able to string together coherent profanity. 

The comedown is soft and fun, quiet giggles and breathless kisses. Clarke collapses onto the mattress beside her, arms and legs finally relieved of their tension, and Lexa curls onto her side so that she can rest a hand onto Clarke’s stomach where she lies flat on her back. 

Lexa is so content, she feels like her body might levitate in a boneless mass above the bed. Clarke’s breathing is still coming to rest, and Lexa watches her hand rise and fall with each inhale and exhale. 

Into the greying stillness of the bedroom, Clarke asks, “Hey, what time are you supposed to meet Lincoln?” 

The serenity Lexa had felt shatters in an instant. “Oh shit!” She flails about for a moment in search of her phone, having completely forgotten about her plans. “What time is it?”

She locates her phone before Clarke can answer. It’s already half past three, and Lexa’s stomach plummets. The text from Lincoln says: where you at?

“Are you late?” Clarke has come to sit behind her where Lexa’s legs hang off the mattress near the bedside table where she’d found her phone. Lexa feels soft kisses against her shoulderblade. “What did he say?” 

Below Lincoln’s text is a picture of two full pints of beer sitting on a bar counter. She holds her phone at an angle so that Clarke can see Lincoln’s texts. 

Lexa runs a hand through her hair as her heart hammers from the sudden jolt of adrenaline. “Shit.” 

More than the shame of accidentally standing up one of her closest friends, Lexa dreads the fallout of this enormous misstep because Lincoln is never going to let her live this down. Worse yet, there is a good chance that he’ll share the story with Anya, which will mean, essentially, Lexa can never again return home. 

“Why don’t you get dressed and go? I can drop you off,” Clarke offers sweetly, still pressing reassuring kisses along her back. 

“I’m going to ask him if we can reschedule,” Lexa decides. 

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” Lexa answers, turning her head to smile at Clarke over her shoulder. “I don’t

really feel like putting on pants at the moment.” 

Clarke kisses her shoulder cap and grins in return. “You’ll get no argument from me there.” 

“Let me give him a call really quickly.” Lexa reaches for a shirt on the floor—something of Clarke’s she’d worn to bed the night before—and stands to slip it over her head. Something about calling a close friend while completely naked and still coming down from an orgasm makes her slightly uncomfortable.   

“Take your time,” Clarke tells her, also rising from the unkept sheets and blankets to pull her hair back into its messy bun. “I’m going to go downstairs and reheat our drinks from earlier.” She tugs at the hem of Lexa’s tee shirt and places a kiss at the corner of her mouth on her way to the bathroom. “Do you want a snack, too?”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

Lexa grins, following after Clarke’s lips as she starts to move away. A soft hold on her wrist is enough encouragement for Clarke to lean up into another kiss, reminding Lexa just how shaky her legs still feel from their exertions in bed. Perhaps sustenance to replenish her blood sugar is necessary instead of relying solely on a steady drip of oxytocins. 

Lexa appreciates the view of Clarke’s retreating backside even in the fading light of the bedroom as the sun has started to move towards the horizon. She runs a hand through her wild curls and exhales, preparing to make her phone call while perched on the edge of the mattress.

Lincoln answers on the first ring. “Hey, buddy. Did you get lost?”

“Something like that,” Lexa says. “Clarke and I went for coffee, and then I sort of … lost track of time.”

“Say no more,” Lincoln laughs. “It’s your turn to ditch me for a girl now, right? I hope the sex was worth it.” 

The fact that she is wearing nothing more than a thin tee shirt has Lexa covering her face with her hand. “Lincoln, I didn’t—” 

His laughter persists, and Lexa wonders how loud it must be within the confines of the bar. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. It’s totally fine. Honestly, I’d be more upset if you weren’t standing me up for time with Clarke right now.” 

“I’m really sorry, Linc. I can be down there in like fifteen minutes.” 

“Don’t you dare.” For the first time since he’s answered the call, Lincoln’s voice takes on a serious tone. “I swear to god, if you show up here, I’m frogmarching your ass right back to Clarke’s house.” 

“Okay, fine,” Lexa laughs. “Let’s hang out early next week though. Beers on me.” 

“Don’t even worry about it. I’m serious. I actually ran into some people from the gym plus the rep from Two Roads is here doing a tasting—I’m good, I promise.” 

“I’m going to make this up to you,” Lexa reiterates. Despite Lincoln’s assurances, her guilt does not fully dissipate. 

Clarke chooses this moment to step out of the bathroom, wearing just as much clothing as when she’d gone in, and Lexa’s brain lags at the sight. Her expression seems to be asking if everything is okay, and Lexa smiles in response. 

“Lex, would you stop? Tell Clarke I said hi, and I’ll see you at work on Monday. Oh, hey, ask her if she’s tried the new session IPA from Two Roads. It’s intensely enjoyable.” 

“Okay. I will.” She smiles up at Clarke, who has stopped to stand in front of her after slipping into a tee shirt and sweatpants. Lexa’s hand settles on Clarke’s hip like a magnet snapping into place. “Clarke says hi, too.”

“Sorry, Lincoln!” Clarke says, projecting her voice towards the receiver while tucking strands of curls behind Lexa’s ear. “It’s all my fault.”   

There is more laughter down the line before Lincoln reiterates that everything is fine and he could never actually be angry with either of them. 

:::

“So, since when do you source your unhealthy caffeine intake from elsewhere?”

“Huh?” Clarke smiles. 

They’ve taken up seats at Clarke’s kitchen island with their reheated drinks from the coffee shop and Clarke’s version of a snack: smoked turkey and cheddar sandwiches on toasted potato rolls with homemade aioli. 

They’re both wearing slightly altered versions of the same outfit—soft tee shirts and loose sweatpants, Clarke’s cut off into shorts so that Lexa’s fingers are continuously tempted to trail across all of the exposed skin within reach. 

She sips her tea and returns Clarke’s smile. 

“The barista at the coffee shop seemed shocked to see you,” she clarifies. “Don’t you practically pay rent there by spending so much of your time buying their coffee?” 

For a brief moment, Clarke can’t seem to find her voice. She practically chokes on her sandwich, taking longer than expected to swallow her first bite. Lexa raises an eyebrow expectantly as their drinks emit swirling strands of steam into the air between them. 

“I—I could ask you the same,” Clarke volleys back, not unkindly, as she dabs the corner of her mouth with a napkin and reaches for her coffee. “Morgan seemed just as surprised to see you there.” 

Lexa bites her lip and looks away. She had asked out of genuine curiosity and confusion, and now it seems yet another bout of confessions is forthcoming. 

She clears her throat. “Do you have any beer, actually?” 

Clarke laughs lightly before shifting her expression into something like mild offense. 

“Um, hi. My entire existence is practically centered around craft beer—do you even know me?” 

“Right,” Lexa laughs. “Stupid question. Would you like one?”

“Again: do you even know me?”

Lexa starts to slide off her stool with a bright smile that belies the low buzz of nerves she is withstanding as an unspoken conversation simmers between them. Clarke is dislodging their legs from where they had sat in a close tangle at the island. “Stay,” she directs her, brushing a kiss to her temple. “I’ll get them.” 

Once Lexa has pulled open the fridge door, she turns to look at Clarke over her shoulder. “Do you have a preference? Lincoln was asking if you’d tried the new IPA from Two Roads.” 

“Are you actively avoiding answering my question by distracting me with beer inquiries?” 

Lexa pinches her lips together to ward off a sheepish admission, and Clarke rolls her eyes affectionately. “Look on the left hand side, bottom shelf.” 

Lexa ducks down to retrieve two brightly colored cans of IPA before closing the fridge door and returning to the island. “Not to split hairs, but technically, you avoided my question first.” 

“Okay, fine,” Clarke sighs dramatically. She takes one last dreg from her coffee before shoving it away in favor of the can of beer Lexa has just opened for her. “I was—” Clarke actually ducks her head so that Lexa can see her thick eyelashes fluttering “—I was afraid I would run into you during the, uh, when we—”

“Broke up?” Lexa supplies. She is still holding a small smile for Clarke when blue eyes finally snap up to meet hers. 

It had felt like that. A relationship ending—a significant one at that. And, Lexa had been left broken in the aftermath. 

“I was going to say when we stopped talking,” Clarke continues. “But, it was more than that. It did feel like a break up. And, we didn’t decide anything—I cut communications all on my own.” 

“Clarke—”

“I’m really sorry, Lexa.” 

Lexa is already shaking her head, part disbelief at what she’s hearing, part exasperation that Clarke has mistakenly absorbed all of the blame. 

“Clarke, I know you have this bizarre obsession with always being right, but I can assure you—what happened in November was all on me.”

“I just vanished, Lexa. I didn’t even tell you why or allow you to explain anything.” Clarke’s eyes are downcast and her voice softens in unmistakable regret as she fiddles the silver tab on her beer. “I freaked out and hid away. And, it was really shitty.” 

Lexa can’t help the way her mind creates distinctions between Clarke and Costia—the contrast of Costia’s distance from their relationship to Clarke’s sudden disappearance. With Costia, it had often felt like abandonment and disregard. The space between them had been a disappointment, a mild discomfort that Lexa sustained over time. Losing Clarke—and it had felt like that, as if she turned around one day and panicked to find Clarke had vanished—left her devastated and painfully bereft. 

“Not seeing you was horrible. Not being able to talk to you was even worse. But, I’m glad you stepped back and took that space. It was shitty, but not because you did anything wrong.” 

“I hated not seeing you, too,” Clarke admits, and they share another small smile across the kitchen island, tinged with a distant, remembered sadness. 

“I couldn’t avoid Dockside, contractually, but I—I didn’t want to encroach upon your other spaces.”

“So, you stopped going to the coffee shop.” 

Lexa confirms with a short nod and takes the first sip of her beer. She’s glad they’ve had this talk, but she’s also more than eager to segue out of November’s gloom that is better left in the past. She takes a cleansing breath and sets down her beer. 

“In the end, I was glad you created that barrier between us, Clarke. I was miserable, and Lincoln will tell you that I was insufferable to be around, but it made me realize what a massive idiot I’d been.”   

Her admission elicits an actual laugh, and Clarke shakes her head fondly. “So much for that Ivy League education.” 

There’s a lot more that could be said, and it’s a much longer conversation that they will likely parse out at some point. But, today has been exceptionally good, and Lexa isn’t quite ready to lose the momentum of their good moods. Even for the sake of honesty.

“I’m a slow learner,” Lexa shrugs.

“Based on the activities that occurred in my bedroom this afternoon, I can attest to that being entirely untrue,” Clarke says, voice pitched low and taunting. 

At the return of Clarke’s brazen flirting and sly smile, Lexa ducks her head as her cheeks warm. Because, despite the fact that they have spent a good portion of the afternoon swapping orgasms, she still sees Clarke as her best friend, in many ways, who she has only recently had the distinct pleasure of seeing naked. 

“I’m sort of a quick study in that department,” Lexa smirks. 

“I’ve noticed,” Clarke laughs. They sip their beers in weighted silence for a few beats, sharing glances as they drink, and then Clarke adds to the mounting tension by asking, “So, when do I get to hear more about this date?” 

“The details of the date itself are highly classified,” Lexa explains in all seriousness, despite her stomach swooping. 

“Classified, huh?” Clarke laughs into another sip of beer. 

“Do I honestly strike you as someone who is going to halfass a first date?” 

“You don’t strike me as a person who has halfassed anything in their entire life.” 

“Correct,” Lexa smiles. She shifts smoothly along the island’s edge until she is again stood on the same side as Clarke, who accepts Lexa’s proximity with a slow-spreading smile. “You know, I could potentially be persuaded to provide a sneak peek of some post-date activities,” she offers, already moving to enter Clarke’s space more fully as their drinks are gingerly slid a good distance away. 

She slowly spins Clarke’s stool just enough that she can slot between her legs, and Clarke is already leaning into the touch as Lexa’s hands curve around her jaw. The kiss is like regaining breath after being submerged under water. Their conversation on past events hadn’t been strenuous, by any means, but Lexa registers a sense of relief to have resumed their previous activities all the same. 

She sinks into the warmth of Clarke’s lips and tongue, exhaling after several, languid moments. When her hands move to slide up the length of Clarke’s thighs, eliciting a distinctly strained exhale as Lexa teases her fingers beneath the cut-off edge of Clarke’s shorts, it’s abundantly clear where they’re both headed. 

They make it as far as the sofa. 

Lexa can’t be bothered to maneuver the stairs when there are so many other available surfaces on which to make Clarke slowly shake apart. She does so on her knees while making good on her earlier intents to spend a long stretch of time between Clarke’s legs. The last shards of sunlight are nearly gone, leaving them in golden shadows and dim light from the kitchen while Clarke moans soft encouragements and cards her fingers through Lexa’s hair. There is no rush, no urgency, hardly a sense of time moving at all. Lexa feels calm and confident, content to bring Clarke closer to release at a measured pace as she begins to gently rock against the pressure of Lexa’s tongue. Everything feels languid and slow, like running through water. 

It’s not lost on her, as Clarke’s orgasm eventually echoes through the quiet house, heels pressing into her back and Clarke’s fingers threaded into her hair, that this very sofa had been the impetus for their time apart. The innocence of that encounter, as she and Clarke gave in to the comforts of shared sleep, had propelled them toward a shift in their relationship. Looking back, everything that has transpired between them since that singular event seems inevitable. 

Falling asleep with Clarke that first time had been rife with implications that they would eventually end up right back here: a cozy, nondescript, weekend night spent on Clarke’s couch with nowhere to go. 

The insignificance of an otherwise mundane Saturday is outweighed by the way Lexa’s mouth curves into an easy smile as she kisses the warm skin of Clarke’s inner thigh. Clarke is coming down from the aftershocks of a slow-rolling orgasm when Lexa registers a sharp uptick in her heart rate as they lock eyes while Clarke is still catching her breath.

And, this too holds weight—for all their recent honesty, there are still things Lexa has left unsaid.

“Get up here,” Clarke gently demands. Lexa complies without pause. 

Clarke’s sated and satisfied groans melt into scratched laughter that dovetails with their kiss, and the magnitude of what Lexa feels is underscored as their mouths meet. 

“I’m going to be honest with you,” Clarke tells her some breath of time later, when Lexa has moved from the floor to the sofa at Clarke’s urging. “If this type of activity is in the cards for date night, I don’t really give a shit what the actual date itself looks like.” 

They lay along the length of the sofa, limbs over lapping at certain intervals, and Lexa’s hand flat against Clarke’s stomach beneath her tee shirt. 

“Good to know I can scale back my efforts,” Lexa smirks, feeling no less satisfied that she has reduced Clarke’s expectations with one, albeit exemplary, late-afternoon orgasm. 

Clarke’s laughter echoes Lexa’s contentment, and her smile grows. She can feel the subtle shaking of Clarke’s diaphragm beneath her fingertips. 

“This has been such a good day,” Clarke says, adding further reinforcement to Lexa’s equally satisfied mood. “I really like having your here. Have I mentioned that?”

Lexa grins into Clarke’s close gaze and presses her lips to the edges of Clarke’s smile. “Once or twice.” 

“Lincoln is the kindest, most-deserving creature on the planet, but I’m really glad you stayed here instead. Just this once.” 

Lexa’s contented smile slips and she nearly groans as her head falls onto the armrest. “I’m never going to hear the end of it.” 

“What do you mean?” Clarke laughs. 

“I pride myself in being reliable—no excuses. If I say I’ll be there, I’ll be there. Especially when it comes to Lincoln or Anya.” Lexa exhales and glances up to find Clarke’s eyes. “The fact that I neglected our plans for—”

“The best sex of your life?” Clarke supplies with swagger. Lexa’s smile returns without her consent. “I mean, you looked like you were about to say: the best sex of your life.” 

As laughter bubbles up from her chest, it vanquishes Lexa’s lingering criticisms about her snap decision to break plans with Lincoln. Clarke’s commentary is a reductive synopsis, at best, but also not entirely untrue. “Yes. Something like that.” 

A beat of silence passes and then Clarke says, “If you’re worried he’s going to give you a hard time about breaking plans, wait until you tell him you proposed.”

She buries her face against Clarke’s shoulder to the delighted rasp of Clarke’s giggling laughter and concludes, yet again, that it is the absolute best sound in the world, even at her own expense. 

:::

[romanceboys]

(interview) vogue korea april issue 2020 - perfect taemin

1. superm was another chance for taemin’s ever-evolving performance to be showcased. i thought a lot about how to create synergy with these exceptional performers. to put it simply, i wanted us to come off as energetic. but these days i’ve had a change of heart. our identity is definitely important. rather than just working hard, for superm to show off their colours well we need to show our personalities; we should be seen as one team. to be able to formulate a solid and clear colour is our homework. that’s why it’s regrettable. we couldn’t come up with a novel choreography to carry our new identity. we tried a lot in the practice room. superm seems to have found its musical identity but hasn’t gotten a hold of its performance character yet. the stages are too vague. 2. now that you are finally promoting with your best friend kai in one group, you two must’ve shared your concerns. since this friend is someone who has a lot of passion and ambition, he talks about various things. for instance, this style is pretty good, this choreography is quite trendy. thanks to him i’ve learned a lot. he is also very knowledgeable about the latest ‘hottest’ genres. we talk about these things often and even watch videos together. kai gives off ‘popular’ vibes. compared to him, my interests are quite unusual. nowadays kai is interested in music while i am into science. 3. is it science fiction? these days we’ve been watching videos on the theory of relativity and quantum mechanics together. 4. what aspect of it interested you? originally i was very curious, after seeing a recommended video on youtube i learned about quantum mechanics for the first time. i couldn’t understand the explanation, even those who were explaining it said it was a difficult concept. that was very fascinating to me. kind of like magic.  5. are you reading books on the subject too? the subjects of the books i read are different (laughs). there’s a book that was published long ago called ‘regarding the pain of others.’ it is a pessimistic book that gathers contradictory opinions of people for instance ‘people find joy in the pain of others, it is instinctual.’ as a celebrity, there are times when you are criticized but there are also times when you receive comfort from people. rather than blaming others, while reading this book, i began to think ‘people are like that, at most i shouldn’t behave like them.’ my interests are all over the place. 6. what makes you and kai click? we converse well. our opinions almost never clash and we respect each other. moreover, we fully understand our own roles in superm. 7. what position do you hold in superm? since i can’t ask if it’s the main dancer. in pictures and interviews, i’m the center. baekhyun hyung is the leader (laughs). 8. when the conversation wasn’t flowing well during the talkshow interview, i saw you neatly concluding it.  that does happen. nct and wayv are still in the learning phase. that’s why i first listen to all of their thoughts during interviews then flesh it out with details later. 9. compared to when you set out abroad as shinee then promoting overseas as superm now, the status of k-pop has changed. looking at how superm was able to start off with an arena tour in the us and europe made me feel that k-pop is a ‘hot’ topic. in the past, we’d use venues of this scale for smtown concerts. even if you promote mainly in asia, seeing the audience section will make you realise the perception of k-pop has changed. 10. though k-pop’s scope has expanded and diversified, its definition has become simple. what are your concerns? my first concern is language. after i was able to communicate via language during my japanese activities, there were so many advantages. though each country overseas has its own language, i felt that i needed to learn english first. there are many international fans who want to experience the chemistry between our members, they’d feel much closer to us if we communicated using (a common) language. k-pop isn’t one dimensional. it’s not only about the music, there is music video, style, etc. included. people would make dance covers in the past, now they even emulate the styling. all of this is korean pop culture. 11. superm were on the ellen degeneres show and jimmy kimmel live. before we went on the ellen show we really rehearsed the interview a lot. america’s atmosphere is different so you receive questions that are never asked in korea. they don’t disclose the questions in advance either. we were also worried because the emcee could ad-lib. we came up with the most probable questions and practiced, we also received lessons from american comedians. compared to that, we went on jimmy kimmel live without any prep. 12. what went according to plan and what didn’t? the questions were not as intense as expected, ellen was well aware about k-pop culture so it went smoothly. 13. is there a dance genre you’re into these days? contemporary, lyrical hiphop, in the future as superm i think i’ll be able to show more, not the kind of dancing that you do after learning a given choreography but the kind that is full of emotions. it’s about giving meaning to your gestures. it isn’t out yet but my concert vcr features lyrical hiphop. in it i think i’m dancing alone with a giant full moon as my backdrop but get confused when there are two of us, either it’s another person or a shadow. a choreographer with a body type similar to mine had to dress in all black to come across as my shadow. i wore an oriental outfit with smokey makeup. 14. how do you usually come up with your ideas? i get inspired by the choreographers and creative directors. i imagine it as we converse then the idea develops. 15. was there a time you were inspired by fashion? of course. art begins with the five senses. what you see with your eyes, the things you can feel, clothes, food, perfume, music that you listen to are all sources of inspiration. i create private accounts to follow fashion brands. 16. having debuted at the age of 16, you are still young but your work experience has been long. i was in certain situations because of this. it doesn’t happen as often now but even in my early 20s, i completely belonged to the senior category at broadcasting stations. they are my juniors but many of them are also hyungs, i’m their senior but i’m also the youngest. now there are even staff members who are younger than me. they’re too formal with me (laughs). 17. are there juniors that ask you for advice or help? the superm members! especially ten, he is very curious. when we come out of a company meeting, he’ll get surprised and say “wow, hyung everything you said was right.” i even hear things like ‘veteran’ and ‘seer.’ apparently my predictions come true. but i try not to advise them as much. taking the initiative to say something feels overwhelming. 18. born in 1993 between millennials and gen z, do you share any characteristics with those in your age bracket? we’ve picked out a few of their traits. the first one is ‘they don’t eat fast food.’ me too! i took care of my health well ever since i started out with shinee. i was brainwashed from home to avoid foods that harmed the body. not even ramyeon, snacks were also banned. and just like that in my 20s i started carrying out the regime on my own. it’s become a habit to look after my health ever since i moved out. i always eat things that are good for my body, if the hyungs are taking vitamins, i’d ask for one too. 19. i suddenly recall a variety show where you were the only one who skipped the sauce and ate the meat on its own! one should not eat irritable foods. my mother’s words. 20. how about ‘they watch videos on youtube rather than tv. even the ads don’t particularly bother them.’ that’s right. i watch youtube more often than tv, while watching the ads i'd even marvel at their production quality. i’ve signed up for the premium package now so i don’t see the ads anymore. 21. ‘marrying or wanting to buy their own house.’ i currently live alone and i have no interest in decking out my house. at first, i didn’t think like that but a month later my interest dissipated. i’m lazy. it’s not like my house is for others to see, i’m fine with the incomplete feeling for now. 22. and finally ‘they avoid investing in financial companies.’ i don’t do that. my parents manage that, if there’s a good tip i’ll just let them know.  23. hiphop musicians tend to express their success through music. as an idol musician how have you been using the wealth you accumulated all these years? i invest in food instead of saving up (laughs). honestly, i don’t spend much. i don’t have anything i want. though i do spend on others a lot. 24. what kind of household did you grow up in? what gifts did you inherit from your family as a musician? i inherited my body type. all of my cousins have model-like physiques, they’re taller and slimmer than me. my mother sings well. my father plays instruments as a hobby. oh, and my paternal aunt used to be a ballerina. so perhaps i inherited such genes? 25. you’ve been doing the same thing for more than 10 years. what is the purpose behind creating music and showcasing it? in the past, i would think i should do well, i need to be number one, these days i’ve become ambitious for other aspects. i take pride in the fact that my work supplies others with positive energy. i feel a sense of accomplishment when fans like my music, i want to make them as happy as i am. everyone’s profession is different but i hope this synergy gained from mutual dependence leaves a good impression. 26. are you still composing songs? i used to but now i only participate in lyric writing. it differs with each song, at times the lyrics are emotional or talk about abstract love. it seems like my next solo album will include a song i wrote the lyrics to. sometimes songs composed by overseas composers might prove too difficult for the general public to understand. so i participate a lot in the arrangement or mixing phase. i point out the parts that should be added to the composition and those that are unneeded. teacher lee soo man does give advice but it often feels like i do the producing of my own solo album. 27. taemin’s originality is the clearest when he promotes as a solo artist. which song has best represented your identity? i worked hard on all of them but there was a turning point. at first there was ‘danger’ then ‘press your number’ was a conceptual performance, the transition to ‘move’ turned out well. i wanted to break out from the typical choreography routine and create my own identity, the resulting performances were ‘move’ and ‘want.’ my next solo album is again different. i’ve been making a lot of changes these days. 28. you seem to have high standards when it comes to composing music. was there ever an occasion where you absolutely refused to compromise and gave others a hard time? everyone is used to it (laughs). it’s something i learned from the head manager hyung who’s been with me since debut. the belief that ‘there is nothing that can’t be done. there is no such thing as impossible.’ another team manager hyung would tell me ‘you remind me of our head’ (laughs). honestly, the staff around me work beyond their given roles and with affection. normally work timings are from 9 to 7, they stay back till 10-11 pm for me. they don’t hold it against me, and when things do well, they too feel a sense of fulfillment together with me. 29. the new unreleased song must be quite different from the original then.  there are already 12 versions of the song. when i thought we were somewhat done, we recently started arranging it again (laughs). 30. you hold your body to specific standards for the best performance outcome. i don’t ‘bulk up.’ previously, i used to work out when i ate a lot but my body would feel weighed down, it wasn’t what i wanted. if i gain a lot of muscles or become thick, it hampers my dancing form. that’s why i don’t put on weight. i train my stamina and strength and avoid bulking up my shoulders and arms. 31. by the way, do you do neck exercises as well? i was touched looking at your long neck in the vogue photoshoot. i had been noticing this too, now i know the reason! i think it’s because i dance. a lot of resistance goes into the neck when you dance. our head is the heaviest and it’s the neck that supports it. it goes away when i rest for a few days. we’re shooting amidst the superm tour maybe that’s why it looks thicker now.  32. an editor who has been watching you closely for a long time said that you’ve become extroverted. could it be that experience and relationships have made you comfortable and secure? i’ve lowered my guard. i couldn’t reveal my current self to others before. as a child i used to be so introverted that i’d hide behind my mother when strangers would get into the elevator. i changed with time.  33. is your ever-present smile a product of your personality or just business decorum? i’m always smiling. i even laugh at things other people don’t find funny (laughs). 34. shinee members are currently serving in the army. when they’re on break what kind of advice or nagging do they subject you to? i wish they would do that. we have a group chat on kakaotalk and i always revive it by asking “what’s up” “happy new year.” but as soon as the conversation picks up they only talk about the army. when i inform them about an issue at the company they say “really?” then it’s military talk again. when i feel left out and tell them to stop, they reply with “you’ll understand when you get here.” 35. in your career as a musician, when do you feel the best? when it’s time to reveal all that i’ve been preparing for so long! it feels different from finishing it. the first stage after debuting, shinee’s first concert, performing at tokyo dome, receiving the award... these are the moments that come to mind. 36. watching taemin grow for the past decade has been a huge source of strength. what are your dreams now? there are many. first of all, once shinee comes back again, i want the entire group to give off a feeling of revival. usually after getting discharged, it’s hard to keep up with the next generation, i want to avoid that. i’ve imagined it all when the shinee members return. second, i want to perform a lot on various stages as a solo artist. superm topped the billboard 200 album chart, it’d be nice to enter the top 10 on the hot 100 digital chart as well.  37. you are really talented at setting goals. i’ve gotten greedier. it’s just not for myself but i want to do it for the fans and members, even the staff. they become my driving force. i really am lucky. everybody works hard but i even get the recognition for it. come to think of it, i was given many opportunities and i worked hard to make the most of them, i’m really happy my efforts paid off in the end. i’m surrounded by good people. shinee, superm, many people fill in the gaps for me that i can’t solve on my own. 38. superm’s concert title is ‘we are the future.’ when you hear the word ‘future’ what are you reminded of? first, it’s h.o.t. (laughs). future-oriented things come to mind like artificial intelligence, drones, 3d hologram concerts. then again, in the future, though people might be able to watch concerts through holograms, i think humans will not give up on the tasks they themselves can do. my work will still be the same in the future. 39. the reason you don’t write anything on instagram. i don’t have anything to say yet (laughs). i don’t know if i should make my instagram cool or approachable. when fretting between writing a caption or using an emoticon, i just end up leaving it blank. actually i signed up after my manager hyung suggested that instagram would be good. so i’ve made one but i still don’t know what to upload. i get teased by the people around me for putting up selfies. i even took lots of pictures especially for instagram but... 40. did you not post the pictures? the point of instagram is real-time communication. is that so! i didn’t know (laughs).

translated by romanceboys — take out with full credit (source)

[press-x-tojason]

Giant Bomb is dead, and I care way less than I thought I would. Probably because 83% of the people who I ever cared about had already left or died, or were already relegated to reduced content roles. 

Honestly, though, the writing’s been on the wall for a bit. They haven’t had anything worthy of paying for premium in several years, and, even though they’ve had well over a year to figure out a plan for the COVID era, they maybe made it a month with their plans to have a series of streams daily. I actually managed to forget I followed them on Twitch at all, for about 4 months, because they only streamed the podcasts and the occasional former Harmonix employee (who was literally paid to make content with their games while employed at Giant Bomb, which was funny because he blocked me on Twitter for making a post, addressing no one, back in 2014, which was asking about the legitimacy of the leaked list of “games “””””journalists”””””” who had taken money from publishers for positive reviews, a list which included him and multiple then-coworkers. I didn’t follow him, he didn’t follow me. He was manually searching the keywords, because he was, and is, a prick.) solo Rock Band stream in the last 8 months or so. Even when Jeff would manage to do one of his 20 streams from home a year, it would be on his own channel. There was just no content. And they’re surprised their “pay for our unique premium content!” model failed. They always “feigned” anger at Dan for “making” them do the Mario Party Parties, and literally never promoted his and Drew’s Metal Gear series after the first game... but I bet that, when only those, UPF, and the ad-free versions of the podcasts were premium features, those two series were keeping them afloat. Well, that and the remaining goodwill they miraculously managed to hold onto for a few years after Ryan died.  Shit, I follow several people who are GB staff-adjacent, and... I can’t think of the last time they mentioned anything that happened on-site. Even the people who’ve been directly supporting them for over 10 years were out. 

But yeah, the site is super dead. They pretended in the announcements like they’re going to make a go of it still, but... you’ve got like 4 content people left, and the only one people give a shit about is Jeff. You just saw 3/4 of the side of the site that was still trying these past several months jump ship in a 3 month span. One of those was, by nearly any definition, a founding member. Of which you had already lost one, and are losing another from the main side. Jeff’s been way less active until the last week or two, probably because he heard they were leaving and was like “oops, should probably check on the ship that’s been sinking for years!” Then you have Jason “The Human Mumble” Oestricher, the charisma vacuum, whose legitimate public-facing reaction to first hearing that all but one of his GB predecessors were going to be gone. was, and I quote, “Hoo Boy.” Ben and Jan are the definition of “fine”. They would have been great, as they are today, as secondary members 8-10 years ago. But carry the site, they cannot. They’re down to, what, 5 named members now? It hasn’t been that dire since the beginning of 2009, before they hired Drew, when they hadn’t even started the P4 endurance run. You know, that surprise massive, internet-changing thing that essentially popularized the Let’s Play concept, loosening its definition and making it something that could be as personality-driven as game-driven, made simply to give them something to put on the website, beyond the rare review and, slightly later, quick look. This kinda illustrates the problem with modern Giant Bomb. When they were figuring shit out, flying by the seats of their pants, they came up with great shit, and they gave enough of a shit to make it happen. 0.000% chance they do a 10 hour Thanksgiving Kinect stream if the Kinect was new today. 0.000% chance the core members would have done an endurance run in the last 10 years if CT and Shenmue (which I haven’t watched) weren’t driven by the younger members. And you could see it in the fact that they never made a real, true mobile app. The number one thing that would have made them indispensable this past decade, an app to integrate premium features, the podcast, their video player, etc. all in one place in a mobile-friendly package, that could sync with the website... and they never even raised the idea publicly. I wonder how much of the innovation was the group think-tank of the first 5 years. Beyond Dan’s couple major contributions, I don’t think they added a single new type of content after 2012, which... still means the last 6.5 years lacked any semblance of innovation. I guess that’s a big part of why I fell off tremendously quickly after late 2014. There was just nothing new, and believe me, I was looking. I wanted reasons to stay watching. I supported them with my dollar. I believed in those brave early days. And I went back yesterday to watch the DP endurance run from VJ again. I still miss that rapport. And really, that hurt, too. Vinny moving back east, less than a year after Ryan passed... short term, it was fine. You had more people than ever to cover the gaps. But the spark was gone. The chemistry made the site. When I think of Giant Bomb, I still think of Jeff, Vinny, and Ryan, first and foremost. Those early podcasts, the NintenDownloads, the crazy tangents that everyone could seamlessly follow up on(well, except Brad, because he essentially slept through most of the podcasts, unless he was talking about the thing he did that week), the weird high-concept GOTY stuff... it wasn’t perfect, but you were entertained. You laughed. You were engaged. It never felt like you were watching them working, even though you could see the work they put in. It felt like, when they released something, you were experiencing a group of legitimate friends doing what they wanted to do anyways.(And boy have I seen enough groups do everything they can to NOT be enjoying doing that, and break up as a result due to hating the jobs that they chose to do). 

Part of me would love to make it as simple as “Ryan died, and so did the original spirit”, and... to a degree, it’s true. If you go back to any retrospective they’ve done about the founding of the site, or the podcast they recorded after Ryan passed, you can’t help but recognize that Giant Bomb never happens if these core members don’t all quit their jobs, led by Ryan,  because they respect their boss/manager, Jeff, and know he’s doing the right things(for them, for the reader/viewer, etc.) ahead of what GameSpot management wants him to do. Jeff could have been left in the wilderness, trying find a spot elsewhere, with the rumor going around between executives that Jeff wasn’t going to help them promote anything, essentially killing their revenue. He would have been done in terms of getting employed by a major site. But Ryan first, and soon after, Vinny and Brad, gave up their jobs to make this fledgling little project go. As much as the ERs brought me in and gave the impression that Jeff and Vinny were the long-standing duo, no, it was Ryan who was Jeff’s partner in crime. And, 8 years later, I can comfortably say... Giant Bomb never recovered from losing him. 

But it was so much more. Everything that set them apart slowly went away,  in time. I don’t think they’ve posted reviews for games in consecutive MONTHS since 2017; 2018 at the latest. They have done one Endurance Run in 9 years. They have not had a meaningful live event in 6 years. Unprofessional Fridays were more formulaic and lesser in volume and frequency after the major players started moving east. The lack of coordination between coasts killed the camaraderie, to the point that I think one of the last 5 true gameplay crossovers was their series of 2016-2017 PUBG shitfests. I remember when Vinny starting GBEast was supposed to be the start of a new era of content, and... it was, but not in a positive way, like it sounded. When half of each side seemed to constantly have no interest in making anything, nothing got made. But I guess that’s what happens when your second in command in one of your headquarters is just a former marketing grunt with an attitude problem, and the guy with the biggest ego on the team is the one who refuses to move to join either side, and just pushes out the most self-important drivel as a header to what were literally just copy-pasted articles from other sites every week while sitting at his desk, dreaming of the days Gawker would pay him to plagiarize political drivel instead, because that’s what really gets the soulless clicks. One of your founding members becomes depressed due to losing his two closest work friends, one for real, one to a 3000 mile separation, within a year, while the other one who is left virtually stopped playing anything but DOTA 2 for 2 years. Suddenly your most prominent personalities are the 2 new guys(one the aforementioned charisma vacuum, the other a walking mark) and your previously-mostly-off-camera producer who is best known to the wider Internet for... blinking. So, yeah, lifeless. And NOW, all you’ve got is old melancholy dad, charisma vacuum dad, and the two ADHD kids whose defining trait is that they choose to exclusively refer to their partners as “my partner” in voices that make it sound like they are embarrassed to have partners, while also talking more about what their partners are doing than what they do.  It’s confounding.

But yeah, TL:DR: RIP zombie Giant Bomb. Glad you’re finally getting taken behind the shed. It took 3 years too long, minimum.

[readyplayerhobi]

Let’s Put On A Show

; Camboy!Hoseok x Reader

; Genre: Smut, fluff

; Word Count: 21.5k

; Warnings: Dom!Hoseok, male masturbation, voyeurism, camming, dirty talk, sub!Hoseok, dom!reader, sex toys, male anal, oral sex (male and female), penetrative sex, handjob, fingering,

; Synopsis: Welcome to HopeWorld! Lay back and enjoy a show with BehindTheScene’s number one dominant camboy, Hope! Are you looking for a Master to make you whine? A Sir to make you beg? Or a Daddy to treat you right? Hope’s got something for everyone...

; A/N: This is the first true ‘smutty’ fic I’ve done in a long time...so please be gentle and love it. It got longer than expected...there’s more fluff than you may expect...I hope you all enjoy and love! Please comment, give feedback, send asks and reblog if you like! It helps to encourage me to write and I’m always interested in your thoughts, questions and headcanons!

-

HopeWorld has gone live!

Almost immediately, you’re clicking on the link on your phone while you lay back on the mound of pillows that sit on your bed. Chewing your lip lazily, you wait while the screen goes black before loading, flipping into landscape position and leaving you with the visage of a double bed with dark, ruby red silk covers, and dark wood bed posts rising on all four corners while a pile of pillows rests against the intricately carved headboard.

The title of today’s show is simply ‘Choose Your Pleasure’ and you wriggle slightly against your own soft sheets, thighs clenching as you already imagine the mental and auditory stimulation you’re going to be provided with.

Sure enough, there’s a quiet shuffling noise through the speaker of your phone before a guy steps into view and sits down lightly at the end of the bed. He’s wearing black slacks that leave just enough to the imagination yet still grip his toned thighs deliciously while a white button up shirt strains against his physique as he leans back on his hands, the top two buttons undone and leaving a delicious expanse of golden skin visible, a silver chain with a lock pendant lying against the gap between his collar bones.

There’s pure silence for a moment before he lets out a small huff of laughter, the breath leaving him almost silently before he leans forward again, elbows resting against his knees and giving you a delightful view of his shoulders.

He’s slim, yet with enough muscle to make the definition obvious with his tight yet perfectly acceptable clothing. This close to the camera, you can see the way the deep brown of his eyes reflect the light of his screen while he reads the messages that show on his computer with a slight tilt to his mouth.

You sigh softly as you bring your phone closer to your own eyes, greedily drinking in the sight of his sculpted jawline and the straight slope of his nose that meets two strong, dark brows. Blonde hair that’s almost platinum at the ends sits styled elegantly on his head, a generous helping of forehead revealed while the strands blend into a deep honey blonde before evolving into the dark black of his natural hair colour.

It’s been a while since he dyed his hair, and you wonder idly if he’ll keep the blonde or maybe go a different colour. Last year, he’d spent the whole summer with vivid, scarlet hair before dying it all black again in what had apparently been a fit of boredom.

But his loving and loyal fans had adored the light hair he’d had two years ago and begged him to consider going back, which had led to his drastic change two months ago. You certainly weren’t going to complain; the man looked hot in anything.

The man you were watching, and who was in turn reading the comments that flew past on his screen, was one of the most popular camboy’s on BehindTheScenes; a website that catered to all manner of sexual interests. There were pretty girls who would put on a show and rugged guys who would follow your every order and all manner of other delights to be found.

But unlike some other seedy sites, it was all perfectly legitimate and only verified people where allowed to begin creating shows on the site. That means that they had to be aged 18 and over, along with the viewers. Everyone had to provide valid proof of identity to be allowed on, and you knew that the benefits of being one of the camboys or camgirls were exceptional.

80% of the money they made went to them, with the remaining 20% going to the site in order to keep it going; paying its own staff and keeping the maintenance going. Viewers could simply watch for free, but they were only allowed three free shows a month before they had to pay for at least one show or they could pay a yearly fee of $69 to view as many as they liked.

It worked out better that way, considering each show was $5 to view. There was also an extensive tipping system using coins, which could be bought individually or in packs, video game style. These coins were used to ‘tip’ those making the shows, which often meant that they were incorporated into the shows themselves.

Those who tipped a certain amount could request something or have their message read aloud, some used them as a way to allow users access to a poll that would dictate what the show giver would do. But the coins weren’t cheap. 100 coins was $10, with each hundred costing a further $10 until you reached the 1000 coins. Then it was $5 per hundred.

Before you’d gone onto the site, you would have never thought that camshows would have earnt much, but then you’d watched a few and discovered the almost obscene amounts of coins that viewers would buy and tip in an attempt to be noticed or get their host to do something. It was not unreasonable for the top shows to earn thousands of dollars per show if they were good.

And HopeWorld was very good.

He’d been on the site for 7 years now, so his profile said when you clicked on his username. His real name wasn’t given, just a pseudonym of Hope and the country he was from along with his age, 28. Oh, and his sexuality which was clearly listed as ‘Bisexual’.

His archived shows were also available via his profile, purchasable for 250 coins each or free for the premium members who paid an even higher fee to get even more privileges. There was also a range of photographs available to view for free; from selfies of him smiling sweetly to seductive poses that haunted your dreams.

Some of the cam-stars on BehindTheScene were versatile in what they did, never going for a specific genre. They would have sex with other men and women, or do solo shows to please people. Have their shows in the privacy of their room, or do risqué public shows that upped the ante.

Some of them chose to specialise in what they did, gaining a niche audience who lived for the shows that were put online. Girls who did solo masturbation shows with an array of colourful and unusual dildos, guys who jerked themselves off and submitted to their viewers through the use of coins to tell them what to do.

HopeWorld specialised in solo masturbation shows, only he used domination as his tool of pleasure for his viewers. You hadn’t understood how that could even work through a camshow until you’d seen his for the first time, and then you’d seen why he was so good.

He had a command of his voice and body that meant every subtle gesture, every tiny rise and fall in his voice was perfectly engineered to produce an answering response from his viewers. A slight narrowing of his eyes when one of his viewers became a little bratty or spent obscene amounts of money demanding him to do something let it be known that a punishment would follow.

Hope would get himself off on camera sure, but at his pace. He rarely followed orders from people who spent money to ask him to do stuff and he would be quite cutting and cruel sometimes to his viewers. Not in a way that crossed any lines, but more in a way that showed he would refuse to do what they asked simply because they paid.

It had boggled your mind when you first saw it, wondering why on earth people watched someone who refused to do what they were being paid money to do. Particularly given he encouraged people to pay, and on an entire system that relied on the patronage of viewers.

And yet...he was one of the most popular camboys on the whole site. Viewers went wild for his uncaring persona, for the sheer dominance in his voice when he sneered at the people who begged and pleaded for him to do what they wanted while simultaneously following his every order on the other end of their screen.

When he demanded they play with themselves, they would. When he told them to stop, even if they were at the very edge of their orgasm, they did so. And oh, would they beg him to let them orgasm, to find that sweet release at the end of their fingertips that was entirely controlled by his deep and seductive voice.

You had never considered that someone like him would do well, and yet he had his subscribers and viewers wrapped around him as well as those pretty fingers of his wrapped around his cock.

Yes, Hope was extraordinary and you’d been a loyal follower for years now.

There was something about the dominant persona of HopeWorld, the way he refused to bow to the pressures that buckled so many other cam-host’s over the years. He would take things under advisement sure, changing his shows up enough to keep interest but he had no interest in being at the mercy of his viewers.

And you loved it.

Which meant you were already beyond wet when he let out a low chuckle of amusement, the sound rough and almost grating in his throat as he lets his wet, pink tongue flick across the rich buds of his lips.

“So...how are we all today? I hope you've all been good while I was gone.” His voice is deep, rumbling from his chest with a slight rasp. It's something he obviously puts on because when he forgets himself during shows, it'll go a little higher with a tone more casual. It's still pleasing though and you’d happily listen to him read the phonebook if they still existed.

Unsurprisingly, silence meets him but his beautiful eyes are relaxed into happiness as they scan over the hundreds of comments that fly in the chatroom. A reverberating chuckle rumbles from his chest as he runs a finger along his lips, the corner worked up before he glances at the camera.

“How have I been? Oh...I don't know, just waiting for the next chance I had to see all of you.” Smooth, if a little cheesy. But it's a camshow and these people live for that stuff.

“Would I ever agree to the threesome over with GoldenBoy and ChrisChim? Well, they did ask me personally but I don't know...don't you think I'd be too much for them? And I thought we had a good thing going here? Or are you wanting me to expand?” He hums lightly, musing to himself.

The comments explode and Hope lets out a breath of a laugh as he reads them.

“You think it'd be hot? Wow, there's a lot of you who want to watch me have sex with someone hmm?” This is how his shows always begin, a little bit of teasing talk between him and his viewers while he waits for them to come in. It makes him feel a little more reachable; not just a bunch of pixels on your screen.

Lately, he's been getting more requests to mix up his shows. You'd have thought that he would be annoyed about it all. His speciality is solo, yet everyone seems desperate to watch him fuck someone on screen.

Not only that, but there seems to be a vocal minority that's growing to see him submit. Which is wild, as you've never seen a show with a single hint of that.

But it's what the viewers are increasingly wanting, and the unfortunate fact is that hosts are sometimes beholden to their viewers. He might one day do it if it would please them and increase his views.

His lips purse for a moment as he reads and considers, forming a tiny triangle and you coo softly at the screen. Normally you’re moaning or panting at him, but sometimes he acts cute without realising it and you can see the want to have him on his knees for the camera.

“Wow...so there’s a lot of you huh? Maybe...maybe I’ll think about it in the future. Keep an eye out if you all really want that...but for today I think we all need to get back to business, yes?” He leans back on the bed, revealing the long, slim line of his body and you instantly go hot, a spear of pleasure hitting your centre as you squeeze your thighs in response to the blatantly sexual way he holds himself.

His legs have dropped open, leaving a wide gap of space between them and giving the overwhelming aura of power and domination. It’s a classic move, and yet it works so well as he puts his weight on his hands on the bed, letting the viewers gaze up and down his body.

It works well because he’s showing everything he has, everything that you can look at but not touch. Your fingers ache to reach through the screen and unbutton his shirt, letting the soft material slip from his shoulders to pool around his wrists before they would dart to the waistband of his slacks.

You’d tug at them, letting the waistband shift him forward slightly before undoing them slowly, keeping eye contact with him the whole time until the zip is fully down and his cock presents itself to you through the opening created.

Yes, you’d love to undress him where he sits. Slowly, seductively until he’s trembling with anticipation and gasping with need.

Blinking rapidly, your brow raises at those thoughts and you can suddenly see why everyone wants to see him submit live on camera. He’d be glorious moaning under your fingertips, and your inner muscles convulse on nothing at the very idea of fucking him till he’s a writhing mess.

Lord, the idea of watching that would be hot as fuck.

In reality though, he’s still sat in the same position as he watches his screen, white teeth prevalent as he bites his lip while a brow quirks up. There’s already a slight tent forming in his pants, the tight material constricting what’s beneath and contorting them even further. It’s a basic human reaction, and you so desperately want him to reveal himself already.

"So what do we want today boys and girls?" He brings up one hand and holds three fingers up, the corner of his mouth tilting in a seductive smirk while his brow quirks. "Do we want daddy to make an appearance? Or are you feeling like Sir needs to come out? Or is it a Master kind of session again? Remember, as usual it's 100 coins to vote...500 to give me a specific request that I'll consider."

He’d already set the poll up while everyone had been discussing wanting to see him have sex on camera or submit, and it was running with votes coming in fast. This was how he made his money...people desperate to get their fantasy come to life today and some people desperate enough to spend even more to get a specific request in.

You’d felt sorry for them at first, and a little resentful of him for being manipulative. Until you’d realised that these people voluntarily wanted to part with their money in this way on people like him. And if they didn’t do it with him, then they’d just go to another show and do it there.

At the end of the day, he was the one getting naked and orgasming on camera for everyone else’s pleasure constantly. While he obviously enjoyed the voyeurism aspect of it, it would likely take a lot out of a person to do that. Some people were ostracised by their family, friends and work for doing stuff like this.

The money was a bonus for some camstars, but for others it was a lifeline.

Either way, the amount he always made sometimes made you contemplate whether you’d make a good camgirl or not. But then you’d immediately shy away from the thought. You were far too shy to be a solo camgirl. You’d need someone there to buoy you, give you the confidence that you struggled to gain yourself.

Hope shifts forward once again, rolling his neck and your breath stutters at the arousing sight of the long, elegant sweep of his throat. It’s perfectly smooth with not an inch marred, and you so desperately would love to suck a deep bruise into the sensitive skin there till he’s grunting in your ear.

“I’ll give it a few more minutes and then we’ll get this show started yeah?” He grins, the smile lighting his face up. It makes him look more boyish, yet at the same time the intensity in his eyes tells you that there’s nothing boy about him.

His whole backstory is a complete enigma to his viewers, given how little he says on his profile and the complete lack of information he gives in his shows. Literally the only thing viewers get to know about him is his age and the country he lives in, not his name, nor his normal profession. It seems to simultaneously appeal and frustrate his viewers.

The time he spends reading over comments and making conversations is also spent teasing his ever watchful crowd, a wandering hand roaming along his body slowly in all the areas you so desperately would love to touch.

A slight hitch in his breath gives away his actions and you note the way he’s pressing his palm to the crotch of his pants, lower lip teasingly bitten as those elegant eyes scan over the screen. Smirking, he finally leans back slightly before giving a soft laugh.

“Alright boys, girls and anyone else who’s here to enjoy. Let’s get this show on the road yeah? I’m afraid it’s not going to be a long one. I’ve had a tiring day.” He whispers before shifting on the bed, legs spreading once again while his hand trails down his body slowly.

“Have you all been good for Sir?” The obvious winner of the poll slips off his tongue with ease, and you watch as he slides into the persona just as easily. Each persona is slightly different to the next, and the Sir has always been one that doesn’t waste time.

Apt, given that he’s already stated that he won’t be doing a long show today.

He begins to roll up his sleeves, taking his time as the white material rolls back on itself until both forearms are visible. The skin is smooth and honeyed, the muscles beneath working as he clasps both hands back together to read some more comments.

His set up means the laptop is pretty close to him, but the camera is a little farther away to get the full effect. But he can still read his comments with ease.

“Now...I see lots of people saying that they’ve been very good but how do I know for a fact? Tell me what you’ve done, and for each comment I like...I’ll undo a button for you.” One eyebrow lifts up while he sucks his lower lip into his teeth, eyes dark for the camera.

The temptation to send your own comment in is overwhelming, but you stay away from the chat this time. Instead, you take in every tiny detail that you can see of him on the screen and simply admire the way he teases and plays with his audience.

Each viewer that gives him a satisfactory answer, such as someone getting a positive score on a college test or someone getting a new job, results in a button on his white shirt being loosened until soon enough...he’s got none left.

Instead, you’re graced with the beautiful image of his bare torso and you let out a soft whine to yourself at the sight of it. He’s a pretty lean guy, but the defined abdominal muscles lets you, and everyone else, know that he obviously works out and takes care of himself.

His chest is free of any hair, but there’s a tantalising trail that leads down to the waistband of his black pants and you want to desperately lick along there until you find his happy place. Because it would be his happy place if you got your mouth on him.

Hope knows this is what people want though, and he lets everyone have a few minutes to simply admire him as he slowly runs his hand along his stomach, tutting at a few unruly viewers who demand him to go faster.

“Demands make for sad viewers. Keep it up...and I’ll punish you.” His voice is ridiculously low as he murmurs out the threat. You know he’ll do it too, and it makes you clench your thighs at the rumbling bass that rolls through your speakers.

There’s one persistent viewer that doesn’t seem to be getting the rules, or maybe they’re just doing it on purpose. But either way, the demands for him to take off his pants become insistent to the point his eyes narrow in annoyance.

Slowly, and with his eyes focused on the camera, he begins to button up his shirt once again. Automatically you let out an expletive, annoyed at the viewer, and sure enough the others watching simultaneously beg him not to do it while berating the one causing him to put his foot down.

“Now, now. Don’t be mean everyone. Some people just need to learn the rules right? You get two minutes of nothing from me now. Do it again, and I’ll button up another and you get five of nothing. I said this wasn’t a long show...do you not want anything to happen?” He muses quietly, rubbing at his lower lip.

Sure enough, the chat explodes in begging and pleading. But he holds firm and there’s two whole minutes of nothing but him simply staring at the camera. After that’s up, he lets out a deep sigh before unbuttoning the final button once more.

“Now...are we going to play good?” You’re nodding your head in response, despite the fact he evidently can’t hear you. “Okay. Now...I got some good responses from you all. If you want me to take off these pants...then I need to hear why. Tell Sir why he should do that. What are you going to give him?”

A trick question obviously, because in reality they can give him nothing. But it’s not about that, you can guess that. It’s about giving him the allusion of power over his viewers. About them believing that he’ll do what they want if they ask him nicely enough.

“Oooh...some interesting answers here. But I think I like this one. Simple, but it gets me excited.” He grins, a heart shaped smile that’s so beautiful you can feel your heart swooping already. “I’d give Sir the prettiest moans. Not much to it, but you can’t deny there’s nothing sweeter than hearing a desperate moan sometimes.”

Sure enough, he follows through with his promise and slowly peels off his belt before unbuttoning the black pants. They drop to the floor almost silently and you can practically hear the stunned silence from the audience at the sight of him.

He’s not wearing any underwear, leaving his hard cock to bounce in the air slightly from being released. Hope isn’t hung like some of the guys on the site, nor is he as thick as some of them. But you’d certainly never complain.

Thick enough for his fingers to only just meet when he wraps them around the base, you feel yourself clenching as he gives himself an experimental stroke. It’s long and slow, and the prolonged eye contact he maintains with the camera makes it feel weirdly personal.

But that’s his specialty. Making every viewer feel like they’re the only one he’s entertaining.

“Like what you see?” He asks huskily, licking at his lip as he watches while his hand moves along his length. You’re nodding without even realising it, your own hand sliding down your body until it slips beneath your own clothing and your fingers find the hood of your clit with ease.

Slickness meets your fingers as you spread it over the engorged bundle of nerves, a soft gasp leaving your mouth as you touch yourself in the way that you enjoy most. You’re not even really paying attention to what he’s saying anymore, too focused on the way he sits back on the bed and continues to jerk himself in such delightful movements that have him gasping between words.

For a few minutes, you try to only circle your clit in time to his own strokes but you find yourself getting impatient and wanting to reach your ending sooner rather than later. He has far more patience than you have though, and he’s only just started to caress his cock at a faster rate while he purrs out pure filth to his audience.

A few comments are begging him for release already, no doubt riled up to the point of orgasm like you are and you find yourself hoping that he’ll have mercy today and let you all come. You’ve already begrudgingly removed your fingers from yourself twice in an effort to hold out your pleasure for even longer, edging yourself until it’s almost painful to pull away.

“Why should I let you all come? You were all begging me to last longer earlier. Are you wanting to come for yourselves? Are you almost there? All tight and desperate? Fingers aching? Hands clenching? Are you dying to be filled, or fill someone else? Are you imagining me fucking you? My cock driving into you, hips slamming into yours? Are you wet? Lubed up? Would it be loud? Messy? Would you whine for me?” His words come fast in a staccato manner, his own voice tense with strain as his hand works at himself faster.

People comment in droves, confirming his suspicions with some writing rather elaborate scenarios that you’re impressed at. They can’t be working themselves too hard if they can write that much.

Hope must think so too, reading a few with amusement before he lets out a deep groan at the pleasure he’s giving himself.

“I like your answers. I think you’ve been good for me today. So...I’ll be nice. You can cum. Cum for me. And I want you to moan my name while you do. Imaging cumming around my cock, tightening around me until all I can think about is you.” As he does so, your fingers work at yourself even harder and the ball of pleasure that’s ballooned in your stomach expands even more until you finally fall over that precipice.

A long moan leaves you as your hips circle desperately, fingers dancing over your clit to elongate out the intense orgasm until you can’t handle it anymore and you simply lay there, spent. Your legs fall to the side slightly, tingling from the sensation while your hearing goes a little fuzzy for a few seconds.

The phone lies on your chest; Hope’s moans and deep groans escaping from the small speakers and filling the room with lust and pleasure.

Despite the fact that you’ve just brought yourself to orgasm, your pussy tingling delightfully even if you feel horribly empty, you grasp the phone and look at the screen again. It’s just in time to see Hope’s head fall back, the beautiful line of his defined throat taking centre stage as his chest heaves, abdominal muscles prominent as he sucks in desperate breathes.

A final moan leaves him before his thighs clench and his hips jerk up into his hand. Thick, white cum paints his stomach as he orgasms finally, cock twitching in his hand as he works himself through his own orgasm. It’s so hot that you’re almost tempted to let your fingers play with your clit some more, but you feel far too tired and content for that.

Instead you just watch lazily as he finally finishes, his last few ejaculations simply leaking down the shaft of his cock and coating his hand as he squeezes out every last drop. Finally done, he looks back at the camera with a heady gaze before smirking tiredly, reading the comments.

“You all did good today. I’m sorry it was short, and it wasn’t very interesting. I’ll make it up to you next time. I want you all to do some good aftercare okay? Get a drink, take a shower, go to bed if it’s bedtime. Take care of yourself, however you like to. You’ll do that for me right?” His brow rises expectantly, only falling when he nods in satisfaction at the responses he gets.

“Good. Now...I’ll be saying goodbye. You were all wonderful and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. Until next time.” And the screen goes black.

-

The silence in your room is deafening once he signs off, leaving you to lay on the bed and regain your breath as you stare up at the white ceiling. White sheets with cute star patterns cover your comforter and you stand up lazily, dropping your phone to the night stand before stretching out any kinks you may have caused from your attempts to gain your own pleasure.

Tugging your shirt off, you deposit it, your leggings and your soaked underwear into the clothing bin before rooting through your underwear drawer. A pair of comfortable boy shorts with a Hogwarts design are picked out carefully before you head into the bathroom, cleaning yourself up and coming back out in only the underwear.

At this point, your boyfriend has made his way into the bedroom and has pulled back the covers, wearing a plain black shirt combined with grey sweatpants. He looks up at you, a brow raised as he looks over your mostly naked body with a smirk, the sight causing your nipples to peak already.

Rolling your eyes at him, you go into the closet and pull out a Star Wars shirt of his, letting it drop around your body and land just below the curve of your ass. Moving over to the bed, you climb in next to him as he sighs heavily, eyes closing.

“That was a good show.” You say quietly, tiredness lacing every word and he lets out a soft laugh. The bed jolts as he shifts onto his side, shuffling closer to you until he has you pressed against his front and his arm wraps around your waist.

“Yeah? You watch it?” Nodding slowly, your nose is pressed to the smooth skin of his collarbone and you inhale his scent deeply. He smells like the peach of his shower gel and the clean scent of his shampoo, an underlying smell that’s entirely him making your body relax and feel at peace.

He presses his own nose into your hair, his lips curving into a smile that you feel against your forehead before he’s pushing them into a kiss against your skin. It’s soft and filled with love and gratitude for you supporting him.

What his viewers don’t know, is that HopeWorld is one Jung Hoseok. Your boyfriend of six years. You’d both started dating in your last year of college, having known each other since the beginning when your mutual friend, Jimin, had introduced you both.

That acquaintance has turned into a warm friendship, filled with underlying admiration which turned into desire and lust over the years. A one night stand after a few drinks had resulted in you both waking up one morning in his bed, wide eyed at the fact your circumstances had changed so abruptly.

You would have been willing to take on the mantle of Hoseok’s girlfriend eagerly at that point, but he’d been slightly reluctant. Not because he didn’t like you, he’d assured you plenty that he was pretty sure that he was in love with you actually, but because of something else.

Something he wasn’t sure you would approve of, or want in a boyfriend.

And that was when he’d introduced you to BehindTheScene, carefully explaining what he did and the fact that it was not only helpful to his funds but that he actually enjoyed it. His love for you had overridden it though, and after showing you what he did he’d given you the option of asking him to stop.

He would’ve done it too. Put his camboy career out to pasture at your request, choosing you over his love of performing for a willing crowd.

You’d gone home with thoughts whirring in your head, an instinctual part of you influenced by society telling you that you were disgusted with the idea. But an overwhelming part of you was curious.

He’d told you as you left, decision unmade, that he would be doing a show tonight and you could watch if you’d wanted. Carefully, shyly, you’d made an account and clicked on his name when he’d gone live.

What you’d seen had you embarrassed at first, cheeks heating but your body heated even further with something more. Something primal that told you that you wanted this man more than you had before.

You’d gone to his the next morning and told him that he could keep doing the shows, as long as he never did a sex show with someone else. Solo shows were fine, a fantasy that you could indulge in as you listened to his words and imagined him fucking you with each luxurious and rich word that dripped from his mouth.

But shows with other people? No way. That was not acceptable.

He’d accepted your terms eagerly, happily. The happiness in his face at not having to give up something he so obviously enjoyed and loved had made you realise that you’d made the right decision regarding this. You may not have understood it fully, but you understood his happiness.

The few friends of yours that had found out about his shows over the years had been confused as to why you were so accepting of them. How could you let your boyfriend jerk himself off on camera for the pleasures of thousands of people? How could you let him say those kinds of things to faceless people, the kinds of things he should only whisper to you in the heat of the moment?

Every time though, you’d simply said that it was what he wanted. It didn’t impact on your life, because he wasn’t doing anything physically with anyone else. He wasn’t messaging other girls or guys, he wasn’t sleeping with them or any of that kind of stuff. He was sat in a room in your house, getting himself off to a camera. There just happened to be people watching.

You would rather he do that openly with you than feel the need to do something secret, feeling pressured or unhappy. Hoseok’s camshows made him happy in a way you couldn’t, providing him with confidence and satisfaction that benefited you greatly. It didn’t make your sex life bad, if anything your sex life was phenomenal.

Hoseok would often get so turned on during his shows, the thoughts running through his mind about things he’d like to do to you, that by the time his show had finished, he’d be hard again and coming to you for seconds. You were the one who got to experience all the things he whispered to his viewers, you were the one who got to feel him inside you as he chased his orgasm, skin soaked with sweat while whines left his throat as he pushed through the oversensitivity.

Not only that, you enjoyed watching his shows too. And he knew that you watched them sometimes, providing an extra turn on for him. He’d told you once that he imagined you were watching them everytime, and that he would say things specifically with the aim of getting you off or turning you on.

If you orgasmed, it was a bonus for him.

And besides all of this, Hoseok’s camshows brought in a ridiculous amount of money. His normal dayjob was as a freelance web and graphic designer, often going to his friends workplaces to work but also spending a large amount of time in his home office.

It was reasonably well paid work, but it didn’t matter at all. He brought in so much money from his shows over the years that he’d been able to contribute towards your house easily with a huge savings account in turn. He had no student debt, he’d bought his car outright and the money he’d put towards the house had meant the mortgage was much smaller than it would have been.

Quite frankly, Hoseok was loaded from careful saving and even more careful planning with his shows. Your salary was nothing in comparison, a meagre amount from your generic office job that was used to pay half of the bills.

But the most important thing to you, was that he finished his shows and came to you with his bright smile and a happy, relaxed demeanor. Just as he supported you with your gaming habits, even if he had no idea what the hell you rambled on about, you supported him with his.

It just meant his ended up with his dick in his hand and cum everywhere.

“Your viewers seem to be becoming more insistent about a sex show.” You muse quietly in his arms, taking solace in the feel of him in the quietness of the room. Six years together, five of them physically living together, had produced a relationship that was solid in its silence, relaxed in its love.

Hoseok lets out a hum of contemplation, shifting slightly to push a knee between your own legs before pushing his face into the pillow more. “Hmm, I know. I don’t really know how to go about it because I obviously can’t do it. But if they keep getting insistent, then there’s a chance they’ll leave if they don’t get what they want.”

He sighs heavily at this, his chest expanding and deflating against your own. Bringing a hand up, you rub at his chest reassuringly, pressing a soft kiss to his collarbone in a comforting move.

“You don’t have to do what they want, you know that. It’s your show, not theirs. And you’ve been there a while now. You’ve got loyal viewers who won’t abandon you.” Hoseok sighs in response, not saying anything and you know that it’s bothering him.

The comments have become more frequent lately, his viewer base becoming more frustrated. It didn’t help when Jungkook and Jimin, the little shits, kept offering to have him on one of their shows or a threesome if he wanted it.

The two had begun doing their own shows after finding out Hoseok did it, fascinated with a whole world they hadn’t known about. They were even more popular than Hoseok, with their innocent faces and dirty words.

Both did solo shows, but they also had sex shows with each other that appealed to a wide range of people. Taehyung, Jungkook’s boyfriend, was apparently okay with the whole thing and you were more than a little mind boggled at that. Which made you feel hypocritical, because obviously some people’s relationships were just like that.

If Taehyung was okay with his boyfriend having sex with his best friend live on camera, then that was his prerogative. But the very idea of Hoseok doing that made you intensely unhappy.

Unsurprisingly, Hoseok had turned down every invitation they’d given him. They’d promised not to do it anymore after they’d offered again on their show last week, the invitation casually spoken as they’d read the comments once they’d finished, skin glowing with sweat.

Hoseok had got angry at them, shouting at them for once and terrifying everyone. He didn’t get angry. He didn’t even get annoyed half the time. But it had set him off, everything just merging together at the wrong moment until he’d blown up on them both.

His show hadn’t gone well that day as his viewers had constantly been asking about the invitation, leading to him being a little more intense and biting than usual. It had made for a wonderful show watching him, as he’d held off his orgasm longer and longer through edging as a punishment for all the questions and his viewers had to suffer for longer too.

He had a whole game with them at this point, where they would push themselves to orgasm only when he did. It meant that he would edge them for a whole hour sometimes, his own cock leaking profusely by the end, his tip red and angry from the wait.

That day, he’d gotten so pissed off that he’d ended the show abruptly. His orgasm had come in a flood, a moan escaping his mouth as his head fell back and he came far earlier than he would’ve. He’d only been going for fifteen minutes, and his viewers had been shocked by the suddenness.

“I wish they wouldn’t. How do I tell them ‘oh hey, I don’t do sex shows because I have a girlfriend that I love very much and I have zero interest in ruining that just for you all to get off’?” He queried, tiredness in him. You wondered if he was getting tired of this whole thing by now, his viewers becoming more unruly as time passed.

Love blossomed in your stomach at his words though, appreciating his steadfast refusal to give in to them because it would mean cheating on you. A thought you’d had while watching him earlier appears back in your mind and you muse on it quietly.

It’s something you’d thought about more and more recently, and you wondered what his thoughts on it would be. Finally, you decide to just put it out there in the open and see what his thoughts actually are. You could have got him completely wrong.

“What about if you do a sex show?” The words are quiet, yet in the silence of the room they’re astoundingly loud. Hoseok doesn’t do anything for a moment before pulling back, looking at you with wide eyes and a dropped jaw.

“What? What do you mean? I’m not cheating on you! I don’t want to have sex with someone else.” His protest is outspoken, genuine panic and unhappiness in his voice as his eyes scan you over.

It makes you feel good, bizarrely, at the way he protests against the idea of having sex with someone else. Combined with his sincere emotions at it, you smile and shift your head to press your lips to his in a sweet kiss.

He kisses back automatically, but when you pull away, you spot the way his lips turn down. The idea of that is genuinely upsetting to him, and you frown as your hand strokes along his side gently.

“I don’t mean have sex with someone else.” The words are out now, and he takes a moment for them to process before his eyes widen once more. Only now they’re in a different kind of shock, a hint of interest in them letting you know that maybe he’ll agree.

“What? Wait...what? You? You’d do a show with me? But I thought you didn’t want to do anything like that?” The words fall from his lips quickly, but you feel the way his fingers tighten around you.

No doubt there are images running through his mind right now; you on top of him, riding him to completion. Him kneeling before you, thrusting into your pussy with confident, hard strokes that have you whimpering and quivering before him till he has you crying out his name. All the while, a camera records every movement, every sound from you both and sends it out to thousands of viewers worldwide.

Your breath hitches at that thought, hips squirming against the mattress and his eyebrow rises slowly as your thigh squeeze around his own involuntarily. Slowly, an incredulous smile spreads over his face as he looks at you with intrigue.

“Holy shit. You’re turned on at the thought of that huh? Would you really be okay with that? I mean...you’ve never shown interest in it before?” He’s certainly interested though, and you let out a huff of laughter at the sudden semi he’s sporting against your stomach. 28 years old and yet the refractory time of a teenager on occasion.

“Well...I’m so used to seeing you do it now. And I know how much you enjoy it. I don’t know, the idea of it is...attractive I guess? Just...having you and knowing that there are thousands of people watching who would die to be in my place.” Hoseok laughs at that, pushing slightly until he’s rolling on top of you and your back hits the bed.

He kisses along your neck slowly, sweet kisses that speak of love and trust even as he slowly grinds his hips into yours. “You already have me. Many times. In many ways. In ways they’ve never seen.”

“That’s another thing. I think I’d want you to submit to me.” Hoseok pauses at that, pulling back once more to stare at you with a carefully blank face. His lips are wet from the assault he’d begun on your neck, and you reach up to trace along his lower lip slowly before pressing down on it until he opens his mouth for you.

Slipping your finger inside, you bite your own lip at the feel of his heated, wet tongue as you play with him before stroking along his cheek, letting his own saliva cause a trail that shines along his golden skin in the soft light of the lamp.

“You want me to submit to you?” His words are careful, slow and full of consideration as his eyes narrow slightly, looking over every micro-expression on your face. A coy look takes over your own as you wrap your arms around his neck, fingers trailing lovingly while you move your legs.

There’s a moment for realisation in his eyes before you’re pushing hard at him, causing him to rock backwards and end up on his own back. He lets you obviously; something you’d long ago learnt was that you can’t move him unless he wants to move. But he’s too intrigued by this idea to start any arguments right now, and instead his hands move to rest against your hips.

“Yeah. You’re used to it. And I’ve seen all the comments. People want to see what the mighty HopeWorld would look like on his knees. Who better to do that than your own girlfriend? You trust me, you know that I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you and you wouldn’t sleep with anyone else on camera.” Fingers get brought down on your hand as you reason with him, the slightest rocking of your hips causing your core to brush against his hard on.

Each touch has his hands twitching while his breath hitches, but his eyes remain focused solely on you. HopeWorld is a master of seduction, a dominating persona that doesn’t take any crap from anyone.

Jung Hoseok, on the other hand, is a switch who leans more to the dominant side. The two of you usually just have normal, pretty vanilla sex but you both enjoy engaging in the kinkier aspects every now and again. And while Hoseok enjoys dominating you, he also likes being dominated in turn on occasion.

Which is probably why his pupils expand in lust at the thought of you making him submit on camera, allowing himself to be vulnerable in the capable hands of the person he trusts most.

Running your hands down his clothed chest slowly, you reach his waistband and run your fingers along the inside slowly. He swallows thickly, tongue wetting his lips as he lets out a pant before his eyes eyes glance down to where your hands are.

“Really? You’d really want that?”

Smiling, you lean down and kiss him deeply, tongues exploring each other before pulling away and gripping his blonde hair tightly at the dark roots, keeping his head firmly against the pillow as he tries to follow your mouth. Grinning, you nod.

“I mean...we need to work stuff out obviously. And we need to check that your audience actually wants that. But...it gets me hot thinking about it. It’s obviously getting you horny.” You whisper against his lips, grinding your hips harder against his erect cock and causing him to whimper gently. Your fresh underwear is soaked through again, but you don’t care as you enjoy the relief the friction against him gives you.

“Okay. Okay, we’ll think about it further later and all that. Please fuck me.” He gasps out, eyes clenched closed while his jaw tenses, revealing the delightful line of his throat and his sculpted jawline.

Smiling, you move down to suck an open kiss into his throat harshly, marring his skin just how you’d wanted to while watching his show while letting out an approving noise. “With pleasure.”

-

A few weeks pass by since your suggestion to him, the time creeping past in its usual ways. Your own job was not exactly the most mentally stimulating, but you were steadily working your way up the career ladder with a clear goal in sight. It may not be amazing, but it was providing you with the experience you needed for what you really wanted to do.

Hoseok had been busy with an influx of projects, spending a lot of his waking time glued to his laptop and computer screen as he designed graphics for companies and created beautiful websites for others. His speciality tended to reside mostly in working with smaller companies, tending to their every needs and providing a lot of after completion support that involved tinkering with their sites if necessary.

While he loved what he did, you knew that it was tiring for him. The last two weeks had involved you having to practically pull him away from his computer in order to get him to eat and sleep. Needless to say, his shows had unfortunately taken a backseat and he’d had to put a notice out on his channel that they may be sporadic for the next month or so.

Which was you’d taken the day off today and begged him to take a day off too. You knew that his work didn’t run like yours did, but the dark circles under his eyes and his increasingly paler skin made worry run rampant in you. He was running himself into the ground in his attempt to get everything finished within his deadlines and you wished desperately that he would take your advice and hire Jungkook as an assistant.

Of course, he would point out that he couldn’t afford an assistant but you were sure he could work something out. There was too much work for one person, and you knew he’d always harboured a hope of creating his own creative agency that specialised in web based design.

But Hoseok was stubborn, and he often had to be run to the point of collapse before accepting change or something new. And while you didn’t appreciate his method of coping with things, you knew that you had to make everything else in his life as comfortable as you could.

He did it for you after all. When you had your nervous breakdown in your old job from too much stress and anxiety, Hoseok had been there for you. He’d been the one shouldering your pain and tears, rubbing your back and kissing your head. Being a pillar of strength for you. So of course, you did the same back.

And you knew that Hoseok knew what you were doing today. He wouldn’t have agreed to it if he didn’t, and you were happy that he was letting you coddle him today. It was time to just be you and him, no jobs or work involved.

As such, you were currently driving to the coast for what you were hoping was going to be a day of fun for the two of you. The skies were blue and the breeze was warm, giving you a good feeling for what the beach was going to be like.

Looking over at Hoseok, you smile softly as you note him sleeping with his head against the window. How he’s managing that when you have no doubt his head is vibrating furiously against the glass, you don’t know. But then again, you do know. He’s just been that tired.

He sleeps the whole way there and by the time you park up, facing the crystal blue sea, you can even hear the soft snores that escape him. Hoseok isn’t normally someone who snores, but you guess the position he’s in is making it more obvious.

Pulling the keys out of the ignition, you shift over to look at him. His newly dyed dark hair gleams in the light that makes its way through the window, his skin a shade paler than it normally is. He hasn’t spent a whole lot of time outside, and you desperately hope that it makes him a little happier and stress free.

A white t-shirt sits on his torso, slightly baggy while denim shorts let his toned legs be seen to the world. Which is a good thing, because he has damn good looking legs. He shifts slightly in his sleep, arms crossed over and shoulders hunching a little closer while his tongue licks at his lips, a quiet murmur leaving him and you laugh lightly.

Reaching over, you stroke through his hair repeatedly and enjoy the softness of it against your fingers. Hoseok likes having his hair played with and it’s always one of the quickest ways to relax him and get him to sleep. It’s also one of the best ways to wake him gently, bizarrely.

Sure enough, a quiet rumbling from his chest lets you know that he’s waking up before he’s blinking slowly, squinting in the light. Yawning loudly, he stretches out as far as he can in the car seat before looking at you quietly, lips pouted ever so slightly.

His face is swollen with sleep, eyes puffy and cheeks rounded. Everyone told you that as time passed, the excitement of your relationship with him would disappear and you’d just be left a quiet and serene love.

They lied, because as you watch your sleepy boyfriend come back to consciousness properly, you feel a fizz of excitement and happiness bubble in your stomach. Six years together, and he still makes you feel young.

“Are we here?” He asks, voice crackling before he coughs to clear his throat. Laughing lightly, you open your door and get out, dipping back down to look at him with a brow raised.

“I hope so. Otherwise I’ve found a really large expanse of previously unseen water.” You tease, closing the door before pulling out the blanket and food you’d prepared this morning. Hoseok grumbles quietly as he gets out of the car too, standing with his arms resting against the warm roof.

“Ha ha, funny. I see why I started dating you now, a real comedian.” He says, reaching into the glove box to pull out a pair of sunglasses and sliding them on. Walking around to the front of the car, he takes the food and bag from you before clasping your hand in his own, fingers twining together.

“You’re always so grumpy when you wake up, you know that?” Hoseok lets out a grunt before quickly leaning down and kissing your lips, pulling away before you can do anything. A noise of protest leaves your mouth as you reach the sandy shoreline, kicking your shoes off while Hoseok just strides out onto the hot sand, tugging you along.

“At least use some chewing gum after you’ve slept for an hour! I don’t want to taste sleep breath.” Looking up and down the beach, Hoseok decides the spot you’re at is perfect and lets go of your hand to lay the blanket out.

It’s only once he’s knelt down on the soft material, kicking his own shoes off that he looks back up at you with a brow raised above his shades. “You never mind when I kiss you in the morning before we’re about to fuck.”

“Hoseok!” You whisper shout, looking around in embarrassment even though there’s no one near you. He chuckles and pulls you down with him, wrapping an arm around your waist before kissing your cheek sweetly.

“What? There’s no one here and you know I don’t mind an audience.” Leaning away from him, you scan over his face and feel a small sense of relief run through you as you can already see the stress and strain practically vanishing from his face.

“I thought I said we weren’t talking about work today?” You ask, reaching into the bag and pulling out some sandwiches you’d made. Handing him the ham, cheese, bacon and salad that you’d prepared especially for him, the two of you eat in silence for a moment as you simply enjoy the gentle, cool breeze rolling off the ocean and the sound of the waves crashing on the white beach.

“That’s not work. You know that.” He says quietly, playing with the crust of his sandwich. From the concentrated look on his face, you’re pretty sure he has something on his mind and you wonder what it is.

Reaching out, you run your thumb along his cheek gently and smile when he closes his eyes and leans into your touch, his brows creasing together slightly. “Hey...what’s wrong?”

He doesn’t say anything for a few minutes, just enjoying the feel of your hand on his face and you don’t feel the need to pressure him. You know Hoseok will tell you when he’s ready, and you’ll be here when he is.

Thankfully though, it doesn’t take too long for him to open up again. It had been a struggle to get him to be open with you in the first few years of your relationship. You’d joked that the US Federal Reserve had a vault that was weaker than Hoseok, because he just didn’t let people into the deepest areas of him.

Until he’d finally trusted you enough to crack open his walls and let you slip inside.

“You know that you said you’d do a show with me?” His voice is quiet, deeper than it usually is due to his lower tone. You actually feel a little unnerved, frowning slightly as you acknowledge his question quietly.

Hoseok tears the crust into tiny pieces before swallowing and letting the handful fall onto the blue patterned blanket. “I wanna do it. I’ve already done polls and...people want it. So...I want to do it if you’re comfortable with it.”

“If you’re okay with me being on your show then...yeah. I mean...I want a mask because I don’t want my face seen and I don’t know if I want to be naked because I don’t know if I can handle those negative remarks but...yeah. It’ll be an experience.” You laugh softly, pressing yourself into his side and resting your head on his shoulder.

“Hey! You’re beautiful, there’s nothing wrong with your body and everyone should feel privileged to see it.” The defense in his voice for you has you smiling brightly, pushing at him until he rocks to the side. His arm lifts and pulls you into him closer, wrapping it around your shoulders.

“You’re still tense though. So what else are you thinking?”

He lets out a soft breathy laugh, head falling forward. “Can’t hide anything huh? I think...I want that to be my last show. Go out with a bang.”

His words fall into silence, shocked from your side and waiting in anticipation on his. Pulling away from him, you scan over his face with wide and shocked eyes. Hoseok just watches you back quietly, his sunglasses pushed up and keeping his hair away from his face. He looks slightly unsure of himself, like he doesn’t know if he’s said the right thing.

“Really? You...want to quit that?” He chews on his lip for a little bit before nodding, taking your hand and playing with your fingers silently.

“Yeah. I...yeah I do. I’ve enjoyed it over the years, and it makes me feel good but...I think it’s time. I’ve done it for seven years and I have no reason to keep doing it anymore. I’ve saved plenty of money from it and I just feel like this is the right time to end it all.” You’re not sure what to think, as this sounds like it’s come from nowhere and yet he sounds like he’s thought it through.

“But why? You love doing it. It’s not because of me or anything right? You know that I’m not bothered about it. And your fans will stay with you, even if you have a sex show.” He smiles endearingly at you, moving forward till he’s kissing you. It’s short and sweet, pulling away before you can even do anything more.

“I know that. I know all that. But...I want to quit. For me. I started doing it as a way to earn some money and gain some confidence. I have that confidence now and I have more than enough money. You keep saying that I should hire Jungkook as an assistant and...you’re right. I have too much work...which is why I’m going to finally do it. Start the company. I can’t do that and still be a camboy.” It all sounds logical to you, and you can see now why he’s been reducing the number of shows he’s been doing over the last few months.

Slowly pulling away from people so they’re less shocked when he leaves finally.

“You’re going to do it then? Finally start the Jung Company?” You’re grinning brightly at him, lips pulled in a smile so wide in dual excitement and pride for him. His degree had been a dual business management and web design course, so he hopefully had everything he needed.

“Well first of all, it’s not the Jung Company. Hope Design, or something like that. I dunno, marketing is not my strongest area. Despite it technically being my area,” He contradicts himself, frowning slightly as it registers before he nods. “Anyway. Yeah. I’m gonna do it. Web and graphic design...full time. Take on more clients, make it a full time job. Hire people when necessary. It means I get to do what I always wanted...and I get to spend more time with you. And you have me to yourself.”

“Hey, I was never bothered about that.” You say, resting your hand on his stomach as you kiss his cheek. He smiles and kisses you again, a little longer than before.

“I know. But that’s another thing. I want to spend more time with you. I want to...be more with you and I don’t feel comfortable doing sex shows with what I want. If...you agree with me then I don’t think it would be fair of me to take time out to do them, nor would I feel comfortable.” You’re frowning now, wondering what he’s on about here. You’ve always made it clear that he was doing them before he started dating you, and you’d given him implicit permission to continue.

Taking in your confused face, he lets out a quiet laugh and runs a hand over his own. A quiet groan leaves him. “Ah Hoseok, you’re fucking this up.”

Turning, he lets go of your hand and reaches into his pocket before pulling out a small box. Almost immediately your eyes widen as he hands it to you with a tentative smile, hands shaking the whole time.

“Hoseok...is this…” Your voice trails off as you open it and see the beautiful ring inside. It’s silver, probably platinum, and has one beautiful diamond in the centre with two smaller pink diamonds on either side and two even smaller, clear diamonds on either side of those. For an engagement ring, it is neither ostentatious nor simple and you love it.

Almost immediately you’re looking at him through watery eyes, throat closing in on itself as he smiles through his obvious nerves. “Will you marry me?”

You can’t even get the words out a you nod repeatedly, tears slipping down your cheeks as he lets out a loud laugh before slipping the ring onto your finger. Almost immediately, you’re engulfed in his arms as he hugs you so tightly, pressing his face into your neck as you both rock from side to side.

“That’s the other reason I want to quit. Because I swore to myself that I’d stop when I got married. I want to marry you, and then I want to have babies with you and all that good stuff. And when I imagine that life, I don’t see those shows in it. That’s our life, not anyone else’s.” You sniff almost pathetically as you look down at the ring before looking back at him. He looks sincere, his eyes filled with love for you and you swallow thickly.

“You know I wouldn’t stop you doing it if you still wanted to. You know that right?” You ask quietly, imploring him to know that you really would be okay with it. For now at least, but you understand where he’s coming from.

“I know. I know you’d support almost any decision I made. But this is what I want. It always had to end at some time. So I want to do one last show where I show the world you for the first and last time, before stopping it. And then I want to make a company we can be proud of, and a family that we can love. I’m tired of jacking off on camera babe. Call me old at 28 but, I want the only person to see me like be you. So are you okay with that? Marrying me? Having sex with me on camera once?” He wiggles his brows at that and you laugh, wrapping your arms around his neck before kissing him deeply.

When you pull away, you’re both breathing a little quicker and heavier than before but it doesn’t stop you from kissing the tip of his nose. “I was already willing to have sex with you on camera. Marrying you is just the icing on the cake.”

He smirks at that. “You can have your cake and eat it. Though not right now, because right now I want to throw you in the sea.”

And with that, he heaves you both up before running down the beach with you in his arms, ignoring the ear-splitting shrieks that come from you and he deposits you both into the salty ocean.

-

It’s a week later that Hoseok finally decides to end it, announcing via his Twitter that the show he’ll be performing tonight will be his last ever. Understandably, there are many of his fans who are angry and shocked that he’s ending his camming career, but there’s plenty who give him support and encouragement.

He’d announced it via an open letter to all his fans and loyal viewers, one that he’d written carefully over the week before decreeing it perfect and deciding that it was the perfect way to end it. There was no explicit reasoning for his decision, only that his personal life had become so important to him that he didn’t feel comfortable carrying on with his camshow persona any longer.

And so HopeWorld would be officially closing tonight. His final show would not be saved, and all his previous shows would be deleted along with his profile. Only those who had bought and downloaded them would be able to continue enjoying them.

Hoseok had decided that he was done with the camshow world, and that meant he didn’t want his material out there unless it had already been downloaded. A clean slate for him, and for you too.

Despite how accepting you had been of his request to join him on his last show, perhaps understandably you’d ended up with some pre-show jitters. Whereas Hoseok had gained in confidence throughout his camshow career, the idea of putting your body on show was suddenly nerve wracking.

There were different expectations placed on women, and you’d slowly gotten to the point that you were half of a mind to back out. Which was why Hoseok had paused in his preparations for the stream to sit you down on the bed and console you.

He was dressed to impress as usual, black jeans that clung to his legs and ensured nothing stayed hidden while he had a white button up shirt on. Hoseok liked those as it meant he got to tease the viewers for longer unbuttoning it all, but you just liked it because it emphasised everything hot about him.

From his slim shoulders to his firm waist, his golden skin to the delightful sculpted hollows of his collarbones. Honestly, it’s a wonder you’ve never come in here and jumped him halfway through a show before.

But today you’d had some input on his wardrobe, particularly given that it was going to be your show. As such, he had a leather collar wrapped around his neck that contrasted beautifully against the movements of his throat. He’d worn them on occasion before on his shows, just to entice people with the possibility of something they weren’t getting.

This time though, you were actually going to use it and just the sight of it on your delightfully attractive fiancé was enough to make you shiver. There was always something hot about seeing him submit to you, and despite your misgivings you were excited to let his viewers see that for their final view.

Despite your eagerness for that, and also for him to rearrange your guts live on camera, the crippling insecurities that came with stuff like this were dampening your mood. And Hoseok had noticed, given how carefully he paid attention to you.

“Are you okay? You don’t have to do this, it’s up to you. You know that right? I’d never make you do anything that you don’t want to.” His voice is low and calming, expression concerned while the back of his knuckles runs along your arm in slow movements. It’s not a lot, but it’s surprising how comforting it feels to you.

For a second, you go to lie to him before deciding to be honest and shrugging slightly. “What if they don’t like me? Or like...think I’m fat or that I look funny down…” The words trail off in your embarrassment and worry.

“Woah woah, okay firstly. I don’t care if they don’t like you, and neither should you because they’re never going to see you again after this one show. You’re one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen, you know that right? And I’m not saying that just because I’m marrying you, you really are. Secondly, you’re not fat and you look perfectly fine. I swear. Please don’t worry about things like this because if you start now, then it’ll fester and get worse in your head. You are perfect as you are. If you think you can’t do this then just let me know and we don’t, I don’t mind. I’d rather not have you in the show than have you end up with crippling insecurities, okay?” Hoseok states insistently, moving his arm around your shoulders and pulling you in close to him.

You let him practically baby you for a few minutes, letting him soothe over any of your worries because it feels good to have him reassure you. A little selfish perhaps, but you were about to get naked on a livestream with him. You needed the assurance from him that all was going to be well, even if he couldn’t actually promise that.

Hoseok had your implicit trust and love, so you had to trust and love that he would keep an eye on things.

“Do you still want to?” He asks quietly, pressing his lips to your temple and letting them rest there for a moment, warm breath tickling the finer hairs along your skin. It’s intimate and comforting, the scent of him so close and his presence so calming. There’s little wonder you fell for him all those years ago, his sweet smile drawing you in and everything else just solidifying him as the perfect man for you.

A myriad of emotions runs through you though as you think through his words, your hands self-consciously coming to cover up the bits of you that you always feel a bit more wobbly than they should be. The areas that make you feel a little anxious when you think of thousands of people getting to see them in HD glory.

Hoseok’s hands move down to where yours are, and it’s only when he slips his underneath your own to stroke at the soft, vulnerable skin there that you realise you’d been clawing at it. Subconsciously unhappy.

“I don’t want you to do this if it’s going to be negative on your health. I love you, I love everything about you but I don’t want you to push yourself to do something for me if you’re not happy.” His words are quiet against your skin, murmured almost but you feel them to your very core as his fingers gently move against the parts of you that you’ve struggled with, with not an ounce of disgust on his face or in his words.

“I want to. I want to still do this. I just...it’s scary.” The words a little more soft than you’d have liked them to be, almost whimpered out like a child. It makes Hoseok chuckle quietly, not laughing at you but the way you’d said it, before he wraps his arms around you completely.

“I know, I still get a little nervous. But you’ll be great. We’ve prepped for everything, and I am beyond excited to introduce everyone to the woman who owns my body, heart and soul.” He says seriously, squishing you to him.

You can’t help but snort at his words. “You can keep that cheesiness though, that’s solely yours. And you’re just excited to get laid, you’re already hard.”

The thick erection currently pressed to your stomach means Hoseok can’t argue back, so instead he just pushes it further against you. A quiet gasped moan leaves his mouth as he does so, the friction from the action pleasurable against his sensitive member.

You’d both prepared earlier for the show to make sure it was seamless and easy. Which meant that you were both in your outfits, a matching dark green and black lace lingerie set for you with suspenders holding up some delightfully sexy stockings that had made Hoseok whimper to himself when he’d seen the whole outfit.

Green was his favourite colour after all.

It had also extended to prepping each other sexually, with enough foreplay to get him raring to go while you were pretty positive he could slide straight in if he wanted to. The toy that you were going to be using, along with a bottle of lube, were hidden out of sight so as not to give anything away to the intrigued audience.

Everything was ready to go...all Hoseok had to do was start filming.

Pushing him down till he’s sitting back on the bed, you bite your lip and run your fingers through his hair slowly before rearranging back into the style he’d managed to get it into earlier on. Your new fiancé was incredibly attractive and you knew that you’d really won the life lottery with him.

“Okay...let’s do this. Bring out Hope.” Hoseok doesn’t say anything for a moment, just watching you closely with those beautiful dark eyes of his. It felt like he was looking deeply into you, trying to assess whether you were truly comfortable with this.

Slowly, he nods before his hands squeeze on your hips, pulling you a little closer to him before he presses a soft kiss to the skin between your breasts. It’s surprisingly non-sexual for the area, but instead it just feels like he’s comforting you.

And as you stand back, moving into the corner away from the glare of the camera, you acknowledge that he probably was. If you give him any signal tonight that you’re not happy, then he’ll stop. Even if it is his last show.

The next ten minutes are spent with Hoseok setting everything up properly with the camera and making sure everything’s working before the light is red and he’s sat back in his usual position on the bed. A brow is raised almost arrogantly as he waits for the viewers to come in.

From your position, you’ve got access to your own laptop and you can watch his page as they rush in. His shows normally bring in a good few thousand viewers at their peak, sometimes hitting 10k. But the news about this being his last show must have spread like wildfire because he’s only been live for a few minutes and he already has half that.

Yes, HopeWorld was certainly going to go out with a bang.

After 10 minutes of waiting around and idle chatter between Hoseok and his loyal viewers, he finally decides to get it going. A quick glance over to you gets your approval before he’s shifting forward, elbows resting on his knees before he smirks at the camera.

“So...I’m going to get straight to the point here. From the large viewer count, which I think has beaten my all-time record, I’m guessing that everyone knows this is my last show before HopeWorld closes its doors for the last time,” He pauses for a moment, eyes flickering over the comments before grinning brightly. “Aaaawwwww.”

The sound is teasing and not even slightly sympathetic, his every moment over exaggerated before he’s smiling back at the screen, tongue running along his white teeth slowly. “Yep, last one. And this is going to be different. Not just because of it being the last. But there’s always been something that people wanted from me and it just didn’t fit at the time. Given it’s my last show...I thought I’d do something different for you all. Go out with a bang.”

His grin turns mischievous as his brow wiggles enticingly, eyes darting over to you once more. “Tonight...Hope is going to retire. But I’m not going to be your Hope for most of the show.”

At that, you take a deep and fortifying breath before clenching your fists to try and calm your racing nerves. This is everything you’d fantasised about whenever you’d watched his shows, and yet now you’re so nervous and worried.

But the tiniest tilt of his head towards you gives you the courage to paint a mysterious smile on your face before you saunter into view. Along with your delightfully sexy lingerie, you also have a pair of sky high heels that cause you to tower over Hoseok for once.

He looks at you slowly, his pupils blown out already as his wet lips part, breath coming faster already in anticipation of your touch. Smiling, you run your fingers through his hair before gripping the back of his collar and tugging at it.

It jerks his head back until his eyes lock onto yours at an awkward angle, a look of pure and utter submission on his face as every inch of his body relaxes into your grip. “He’s going to be mine, aren’t you?”

You’ve lowered the tone of your voice until it’s low and smooth like butter with enough of a hint of husk to make Hoseok shiver. He doesn’t respond for a moment and your fingers tightened on his hair until he lets out the softest whimper.

It’s nothing impressive as a sound, barely heard in the room despite the quiet, but you know damn well that his viewers likely just almost brought themselves to orgasm just from that one syllable.

Because Hope has never once whimpered in submission, nor has he ever looked like this. So powerless under your hands.

Honestly, as much as you love being dominated and sobbing out his name, you don’t think he’s ever looked better than right then.

Smiling at him, you let the finger of your free hand trail along his jaw slowly, taking in the feel of his skin and the hardness of bone underneath before dragging your fingernails down his throat until they slip beneath the leather collar.

“Be a good boy and unbutton that shirt.” Hoseok lets out a moan in response, his nose pressed to your bare stomach from how you’ve pulled him forward. He doesn’t make any further move there though, despite the heat of his breath as it caresses you.

Instead, he does exactly as you demanded from him. Long and elegant fingers, fingers that you’ve drooled over many times on your screen as he gripped his cock or screamed over as they abused your pussy, are working each button from its position to reveal more and more golden, toned skin.

The whole time he does this, Hoseok keeps his eyes firmly on yours until you’re not entirely sure if he’s submitting like he should be. A hand flutters up to touch the black lace mask that’s wrapped around your eyes, hiding your feature from view. Pointless if anyone you know watches this, because there’s no way on earth Hoseok would ever cheat on you. Nevermind doing it live.

But still, it provided a layer of protection that comforted you. Even if it was flimsy.

Plus Hoseok had practically drooled when you’d put it on so that was a win.

Once the shirt was unbuttoned, it lays against his torso prettily and you lean back to admire the delightful lines of his musculature that you’ve kissed and licked so many times before. He’s beautiful, and you fully intend on making sure that he knows that.

“So pretty. Take off those pants for me.” He nods his head slowly, fingers pushing the button through before unzipping them. Standing, he lets them pool at his feet before stepping out of them and you’re left to admire his physique.

He’s lean, yet the toned muscles let the viewers know that he works out enough. But what you’re focused on is his cock, standing proudly from his body as it bobs in the air. As you’ve stated before, he’s not a huge man, but while he may not be the longest he’s certainly got a delightful amount of girth that has you moaning out his name more often than not.

“Doesn’t he have the most delightful dick?” You ask the camera, reaching forward to let your fingers clasp around the silk covered steel of his erection, stroking gently and making him shudder as his head falls back. “Lay back on the bed and stroke yourself for me Hope.”

“Yes Ma’am.” Hoseok responds, sitting back on the bed. He shifts until he’s horizontal to the camera, allowing his whole body to get in the shot before he grasps his dick in his hand and begins to stroke. Talented and experienced hands that know exactly how hard to pull and how to twist until he’s groaning out and painting his stomach white.

“Don’t cum, but keep stroking.” You command firmly, resting a hand on his thigh. “I’ve got a surprise for the viewers.”

With that, you disappear off camera before coming back. The whole time, Hoseok watches you intently while his hand works at himself slowly, his cheeks ever so slightly flushed. But that does nothing to disguise the look of lustful interest in his eyes, nor the way he grips himself tighter with anticipation.

Moving until you’re just in view of the camera, you bend over to give Hoseok the best view of your ass and clothed pussy. The pained groan he lets out tells you that he obviously appreciates it, but you focus on the camera instead as you paint a pretty smile on your face.

“Now...I’ve heard from Hope that you’ve asked him to do a lot of things over the years. And he’s been a very naughty boy by teasing you all hasn’t he? It’s taken this long for him to be the one on the receiving end, and I know you’ve just been desperate to see that.” You pout slightly before winking. “But don’t worry, I’ll make him beg for you all.”

A turn of your head lets you see that Hoseok has slowed down, his hand not moving where it grips his cock firmly and your brow raises slowly. He catches your eye and flushes, mumbling out an apology to you before he’s stroking himself once more.

“I’ve also heard that you’ve asked if he’d be more willing to do things that other camboys do. I know that a lot of the solo guy shows don’t only jerk themselves off but use sex toys on themselves.” Leaning in, you read the comments as they move past on the screen before making a contemplative noise.

“I know he uses sex toys...but it’s always like...a cock ring or a fleshlight. I was thinking that we could have something else this time.” With that, you wink before producing the sex toy from your back.

The dildo is a glittering green, a joke that you’d bought him years ago when you first brought up the idea of pegging him. At the time, he’d just rolled his eyes in amusement but eventually he’d let you actually use it on him. As such, this was very much his toy.

And he definitely enjoyed it.

When you’d both been discussing how this show would go, the idea of using sex toys had come up and you’d then brought up the idea of using a dildo on him. It was something you both enjoyed in your private sex life from time to time and he’d casually mentioned sometimes that his viewers had often suggested it to him for the camera.

It was a popular form of entertainment for other camboys, but Hoseok had never done it. That wasn’t his style of show and he didn’t particularly enjoy doing that solo.

No, that was your thing to do with him and he’d been receptive to the idea of doing it on camera.

Which was why you’d both prepped so intensely earlier, because neither of you wanted to spend half an hour on camera just prepping him. Despite what porn and fiction said, anal sex was not something to just rush into and you had no desire to hurt your fiancé by going too fast.

Sure enough though, the comments are going crazy as everyone can guess where this is going. Hope being submissive was exciting enough for them all, but finally getting to see him being the one to writhe and whine as his ass was fucked was pushing them into overdrive.

It was with amusement that you watched the viewership spike suddenly, and you wondered if there were people who were spreading the news. You knew for a fact that Jimin was watching intently, which made you only slightly nervous. But if he couldn’t be fucked by, or fuck, Hoseok then he’d said he was damn well watching you do it.

“Yeah, I thought you’d all enjoy that. Would you like that Hope? Have your ass be fucked by me while all your viewers watch?” The question is light and inquisitive, double checking with him that he really was okay with this.

His response comes in a low, rasping voice that betrays the desire he’s feeling for what you’re going to do with him. “Yes Ma’am. I’d love that.”

“Hmmm...I did say that I would have you begging for your lovely audience. Maybe we should start now.” Moving over to the bed, you crawl on top of it until you’re between his legs, pushing them apart enough for you to kneel comfortably there and enjoying the sight of him stroking himself slowly.

Just slow enough that you can’t complain at him, but not fast enough to get him going. Though that doesn’t stop the bead of pre-cum that drips onto his toned stomach.

Uncapping the bottle of lube you’d dropped on the bed next to him, you drip it onto the dildo before stroking it slowly to coat it entirely. The sight of you jerking off a fake cock and not his own has Hoseok whining quietly, a tiny pout forming on his lips and causing you to laugh.

“Look at that. Where’s the Master or the Sir now? I’m only seeing a whiny baby. Are you being a whiny baby Hope?” You tease, voice light as you let your lubricated fingers trail along the soft, vulnerable flesh of his inner thigh.

“Yes Ma’am.” He responds dutifully, playing it up by pushing his lower lip out even more. His muscles twitch as you near his cock, testicles drawn up tight but you bypass that entirely.

Instead, you shift till you’re hovering over him before leaning down and catching that pouty lip between your teeth, tugging slightly before letting go. His breath, minty fresh from brushing just before going live, pants against your mouth before you kiss him.

It’s not a sweet kiss, nor is it soft. Instead, it’s rough and forceful with you taking control of his mouth and forcing him into submission. His natural dominant instinct makes him fight back for a few seconds before he remembers his character, sinking back into the silk sheets and letting you have your way with him.

While he’s completely distracted, you take the chance to grab his swollen cock and pump it a few times with a tight grip. He’d let go during the kiss, too concerned with your mouth on him to care about stroking himself off but your touch has him gasping into you.

You take that opportunity to slip your tongue into his mouth, exploring him thoroughly in a kiss that quickly turns loud and sloppy. It’s probably not hugely attractive to watch, but you have no doubt that it’s a turn on for the audience when combined with your hand stroking at his stiff cock.

Pulling away suddenly, his kiss swollen lips cause you to smile as you note the wetness of them while your eyes trace down his slim frame till you reach his pride and joy. Any motion has stopped on your side, but his hips are moving in small, minute movements almost of their own accord as he tries to fuck into your hand.

“Do you want this cock?” You ask, lifting up the dildo that has been held firmly in your free hand. It shimmers in the light, wobbling slightly but Hoseok’s eyes darkened at the sight as he nods. Tutting, you grip his cock firmer. “I said, do you want this cock?”

“Yes Ma’am. I want that cock.” Hoseok is quick to respond, his words laced with a whimper and you smile triumphantly before letting go of his own cock. It bounces against his stomach for a moment, so stiff and needy that it rises back up.

“Good boy.” With that, you let lube trickle from the bottle down onto his balls before running the tip along it, collecting it before pushing it against his puckered ass. With the head pressed firmly in place, you pause to glance up at Hoseok and only when he gives the tiniest nod do you begin to push it further.

There’s resistance but it’s much easier than it would have been thanks to the prep you’d done and the copious amount of lube. He hisses slightly as the tip finally slips inside, his body tensing at the sensation but you made soft noises of encouragement, a hand running along his thigh reassuringly.

The hard bit is over now. Hoseok’s always found the first penetration hardest, but you know he’ll be okay now that’s over with. And if he’s not, then he’ll tell you. If he’s really unhappy, he’ll use his safe word.

His comfort is the priority here for you, despite what the viewers may think.

But the preparation he’d undergone earlier makes it easy on him, and he makes no noise of complaint or visible flinch by the time the length of the dildo is firmly inserted inside him. His cock is still hard, but you take hold of it and jerk him in a few quick movements to keep him interested there.

As you do so, you pull and watch as the length slides out of him slowly and easily before pushing it back in. Hoseok clenches slightly at the feeling before relaxing once again, letting out a long and slow breath.

It takes a few minutes for him to be fully okay with the sensation of the dildo, but the combination of time and the pleasure he gets from your hand job soon has him panting out loud.

Sure enough, it’s not long until he’s whining out loud as you increase the speed with which you thrust into him in small increments. A slight angling has his entire body stiffening up; not from pain but from pleasure as a long groan leaves him.

Experience has taught you that this angle is what seems to really stimulate his prostate and the way his thighs begin to shake tells you that he’s more than happy with the situation. Smiling to yourself, you lean down until you bite at the muscle of his thigh lightly, tracing your teeth along the sensitive skin there as he gasps out loud.

“Does that feel good?” You ask, nose running along his leg given you have no free hand in which to reassure him. A glance up tells you that he’s nodding in response, mouth open and eyes closed as his hips rock slowly.

Grinning, you stop suddenly and push the dildo in as far as you can get it. Tapping at his thigh with your now freehand, you look down at him imperiously. “Keep that in you. I’m sure you can do that right?”

He nods immediately and when you let go of the dildo, it doesn’t move at all. A pleased smile makes it way onto your face, causing you to lean down and kiss his forehead. “Good boy.”

You don’t need to look at his face again to know that he’s blushing a pretty pink under the praise, instead you just run your fingers through his dark hair before moving to look at the laptop. The chat is going wild with what they’ve just seen, even if they angle means that they can’t quite see the dildo in him.

Taking pity on them, you take hold of the camera and bring it around so that they can get the perfect view of him. “He looks so pretty doesn’t he? And he takes it so well. Jimin and Jungkook have really missed out. Don’t you think his cock looks so nice though?”

A few comments make you chuckle in amusement as you read them, eyes hidden behind the mask yet gleaming with anticipation.

Horny4Hope: Hope looks so nice fucked out.

CumToMe: That cock would look better with your juices on it

DVA256: Fuck him Ma’am! Make him beg!

“Should I fuck him? Do you think he deserves to put his cock in my pussy? Has he been good enough?” The comments flood in with viewers desperately screaming at you to fuck him, or be fucked. Some want to see the Hope they know and love appear and make you sob his name whereas others demand that you ruin him till he’s gasping.

“How should I fuck him?” That question gets hundreds of answers flooding in, but the overriding theme appears to be riding him. Keeping him in his submissive position and not allowing him the chance to gain any dominance.

Eyeing him as he lays there patiently, white shirt splayed open and carefully muscled torso just waiting for your touch, you agree with them. Being on top isn’t your favourite position, that would be when he’s jack hammering into you from behind, but it does give that beautiful sense of power. Plus, Hoseok goes wild for the view.

“Let’s ride him then shall we? I think we’ve tamed him enough.” You slowly take your underwear off, as seductively as you can for the camera before moving back to the bed. Once there, you move until you’re on top of him with your soaked core hovering over his stomach. His breath is coming faster already, sweat on his face and chest and you can’t wait till he’s drenched.

But you don’t slip onto him yet. Instead, you widen your stance a little until your clit brushes against his toned stomach, the sensation causing you to gasp out. Eyes fluttering shut, you rest one hand on his chest and rock your hips back and forth, the friction sending shocks of pleasure through your system while your wetness coats his skin.

“You feel good already Hope. Will you make me feel good with your cock?” You ask, breath strained slightly as your hips buck a little more. Hoseok’s eyes are glued to the area between your legs, focused with laser intensity on your engorged clit as it rubs against his abdomen.

“Yes Ma’am. I’ll make you feel good with my cock. You’ll feel better with my cock than with my stomach, I guarantee it.” His eyes flick up then to catch yours, a slight look of defiance in them as if he’s telling you to test his theory.

Your eyebrows shift upwards slightly and you smile, reaching to grab his swollen cock before you inch backwards until the tip of him is rubbing against your entrance. Rolling your hips in a circular manner, you tease him by sliding only the slightest of him inside before lifting off him again.

This is repeated a few times until he lets out a quiet whine of impatience, laced with desire and need. Tutting, you take pity on him and slide down on him suddenly, his cock penetrating you with ease given how obscenely wet and aroused you are for him.

Every inch of him fills you immediately, your sensitive walls clenching instinctively as you let out a long moan of pleasure. Hoseok’s cock has always felt good, and the knowledge of being watched makes it even more arousing and therefore pleasurable as you tighten once more.

His hands flex against the sheets, not touching you given that you haven’t given him the permission to do so. But you know he’s desperate for his hands to sink into the soft flesh of your hips, push you down as he drives upwards.

Instead, he lays there with clenched teeth as you slowly begin to ride him. He looks so attractive that you can’t help but lean down and bite along his neck once more, reaching any skin that you can manage around his collar and sucking deeply until you can feel the vibrations of his noises through his throat.

“He’s doing so good for me, aren’t you? His cock feels just as good as you think it might, I hope you all know that. Just imagine him inside you, filling you up until all you can focus on is the thickness between your thighs. Each ridge of him pressing against your sensitive areas, the friction of him so overwhelming. Imagine him fucking up into you, or you riding him like this. He’ll be whatever you want him to be, right Hope?” You end the teasing by running your hand along his chest, nails scraping slightly as he shudders and moans under you.

“Yes Ma’am. Anything you want.” He’ll probably say whatever you want right now, the combination of his cock in your wet, tight warmth and the dildo pressing against his prostate with every clench of his muscles and movement of his hips overriding any coherent thoughts he may have.

“That’s my good boy.” Purring to him, you begin to ride him with wild abandon.

Each roll of your hips had his thick length sliding in and out of you with a practised ease, the blunt head of him rubbing against the sensitive nerves inside you with each precise movement until you let out a soft cry of pleasure. Looking down at him, you groaned quietly at the sight of him so unbelievably fucked out beneath you.

It was a common sight for you, but not one for his viewers who were used to the restrained and controlled persona who inhabited HopeWorld, ruling it with darkened words and silken hands that touched only himself. Now though, they were being introduced to a whole new persona of Hope; one who enjoyed losing himself to the sensations and feelings that came with letting go.

Hoseok was tense beneath you, the toned planes of his chest shuddering as his lungs worked to force life giving oxygen into his starved body while the tendons of his neck tensed delightfully beneath the black leather of the collar that wrapped around him. Bruised rosettes were blossoming already from your earlier, insistent, ministrations and you smirked at the sight of them as he bit down on his lip, reddened from the constant chewing he'd been doing.

His abdominal muscles flex beneath you with each rock of your hips, a sign that he's fighting the instinctual urge he has to surge forward and fuck you till you're weeping his name. Only the knowledge of punishment, a refused orgasm once more, keeps him from giving in.

Inky hair clings to his sweat soaked forehead as his eyes scrunched closed, whimpers of almost pain leaving his throat but you know it's the opposite. He's experiencing too much pleasure, the precipice to bliss just within his reach and you purr softly.

“Does my Hope want to come? Do you want to come inside me until you're leaking out of me with each thrust? Till I'm coated in white?” He nods immediately, a choked grunt escaping him as you twist your hips a certain way while clamping your inner muscles down.

Reaching behind you, twisting your body till the camera has a great shot of you riding him,you grasp the end of the dildo still firmly wedged in him and pull on it slowly before sliding it back into place. It's awkward in this position, and you can't pull it out far enough but his reaction makes it worth it.

A high pitched whine leaves him before tagged gasps tear from his lungs, body jerking like he's been electrocuted beneath you from the dual pleasure of your slick, tight pussy around his cock and the thick, long intrusion pressing against his prostate in his ass.

Looking at the camera, you smirk before using your other hand to play with your clit slowly. Deft, experienced fingers rub at the bundle of nerves till you're fluttering around him and he's letting out random noises as you let out a deep sigh and shake your head.

“I don't think our Hope deserves to come in me, do you?” You ask his viewers directly, pausing your movements to lean in and read the flurry of comments that are flying along the screen. There are over 70,000 people watching you ruin him right now and the sheer thrill sends a tingle down your spine.

“Looks like they agree Hope, no pussy for you.” You murmur, grinning for the camera before turning back and leaning forward. Hoseok's eyes are almost black with lust and passion and he acquiesces to you with zero complaints as you kiss him messily, tongue playing with his in a loud show before you pull away to admire his wry lips.

Lifting your hips up, he slips out of you before his length bounces on his stomach and rising back up to press insistently at your clit. Sighing quietly, you grind against him and simply enjoy the way his slick flesh feels against you.

“How should I use him to get off hmm? Should I ride him? Get myself off while he watches? Or ride his face?” You throw out the suggestions casually, feeling the way Hoseok shudders beneath you in anticipation of whatever you’re going to do for him.

Crawling over to the laptop, your eyes glance towards the camera and you take note of yourself in the screen as you do so. Your breasts are still held tightly in your lace bra, the hints of green noticeable even at a glance and your teeth bite at your lip seductively as you run a hand over the soft mounds of them.

Unsurprisingly, the comments are going wild and you laugh lightly as you sit against the edge of the bed, likely leaving a patch of darkened wetness on the delightful silk sheets. Smirking, you let your tongue run along your lower lip slowly while looking into the camera.

“Shall we do a little poll? 100 coins to vote.” You murmur, grinning as your fingers tap over the keyboard as you set up the poll how Hoseok had shown you once. The hitch in his breathing from behind you let’s you know he’s probably turned his head away to let out a laugh at your blatant commercialisation of ruining your fiancé.

He’d be proud.

Shifting, you look at him with a raised brow as the poll begins to run. Hoseok’s face is carefully blank, the sweat on his brow shining in the light as he works to calm down his breathing now that he’s been given a respite. There’s something delightful about edging him along to an orgasm before letting him whine as it falls away from him and you understand exactly why he loves doing it to you so much.

Running your fingertips lightly alone his chest, letting the slightest touch of his skin ghost against your own. The sensation has him shivering, the fine hairs on his arms rising as you lean over and press an open mouthed, wet kiss to him. A stilted breath escapes him at your touch and you smile, your tongue darting out to lick the lightest line of wetness along his stomach.

You follow the natural lines of his muscles, dipping into the crevices and enjoying the slight tang of his sweat as it hits your tongue. It almost immediately makes a flare of heat burst into life between your legs, causing you to squeeze. The slight relief caused has you sighing against him, warm breath hitting the cooling trail on his skin and making him shiver again.

“You’re being very good for me, aren’t you? Such a good boy.” The words purr from you, low and teasing as you bite at his hip bone and cause him to jerk in response. He doesn’t respond until you look back up at him, brow raising while your eyes harden slightly.

Hoseok bites at his own lip, looking a little like he wants to be petulant and you mentally encourage him. Because there’s nothing like reprimanding him and making him whine for you, and the power trip the camera is giving you is like nothing else. You don’t even need to feel between your legs to know damn well that not only is your pussy wet, but your thighs too.

But he evidently decides to deny you that thrill because he nods slowly.

Still, you decide it’s not quite enough for you and you reach for his collar, pulling him up slightly until his shoulders leave the bed. “What was that? Are you being a good boy?”

Hoseok hisses lightly, his muscles in his torso flexing as he keeps himself up to ease the pressure on him before he nods once more. “Yes Ma’am. I’m being a good boy for you.”

You almost end up moaning at that, jaw clenching slightly to keep it all together at his sex roughened voice, the tone scraping against all the pleasurable bits inside you and letting you know that he’s beyond turned on. Though his cock was enough evidence of that.

Instead, you just smirk and let go before turning back to the laptop as he falls back to the bed with a soft ‘ooph’. The comments have been going wild again, with some people complaining about the lack of normal HopeWorld content but the vast majority going crazy over seeing their Hope being so utterly dominated after years of controlling his crowd so easily.

It would appear his fans are very approving of this change of pace, and you can’t help but break character and smile as you see the love that’s being sent your way. Any reservations or insecurities you may have had are swept away at the sight of them and instead you feel oddly empowered.

You understand why Hoseok has done this for so long now.

“Hmm...it would seem that the people want me to use your mouth to get myself off. What do you think about that Hope? Are you willing to put that naughty tongue to good use? You’re certainly willing to let it run on these shows...shall we show the audience that it’s good for more than just reprimanding?” Smirking, you take hold of the camera carefully and walked back over to the bed, carefully making sure that you’re in focus and everything is still working.

Hoseok’s watching you with those sex darkened eyes, lashes creating soft shadows on his statuesque face and you’re desperate for everyone to see how he looks even more beautiful with his mouth wet from you. You don’t let him have a chance to move, and instead straddle his waist once more before slowly crawling up his body.

The camera gets placed down just above his head, your eyes on the laptop screen to make sure you’ve got the perfect view while you try to avoid whimpering at the feel of his heated breath against your sopping core. This isn’t a position you do all too often, but your thighs literally tremble with desire at the idea of it right now and a quick glance down has you internally sighing.

Hoseok’s eyes are focused with quiet intensity on the soft flesh between your legs, his breath coming a little faster and his hands gripping the silk bedsheets tighter as he restrains himself from doing what he so obviously wants to. Which is attack you with so much fury and lust that you can’t stop your moans.

“Now then Hope...I’m going to need you to stick out that dirty tongue of yours. I’ve seen the filth that you’ve said with it over the years, and I think it’s time that we put it to good use.” There’s not even an ounce of resistance in Hoseok as he sticks his tongue out, stiffening the pink muscle into a point that has you shuddering on nothing.

Christ, he was going to be the death of you.

“Good boy.” You whisper before lowering yourself the final few inches until you feel the wet tip press against the engorged bundle of nerves, so sensitive that you can’t keep the deep groan inside. He’s warm against you, his tongue firm yet slippery as it slides along your folds with ease.

Hoseok doesn’t try to do anything for the moment, though you can tell by his closed eyes that he’s having to control himself pretty well. You don’t want him to get jaw, or tongue, ache though so you stroke your fingers through his hair slowly while you rock against him before finally letting him free.

“Use your mouth on me Hope. Show me that tongue is useful for more than just being dirty.” It’s all the confirmation Hoseok needed and he immediately relaxes his tongue from its stiff position, the loss of sensation almost causing you to whine.

Instead though, it’s replaced with his hot lips and an intense pressure as he wraps them around your clit before letting go. He continues with this motion in an almost teasing manner; suck and release, suck and release. It doesn’t help when he suddenly includes his tongue, flicking the tender flesh until you shudder above him.

Opening your eyes, you focus on the camera before glancing to the laptop to make sure it’s getting the best shot. From here, you can see the night sky blackness of his hair as it gleams in the light, his elegant nose visible before his wet, pink tongue darts out to lick a long, flat strip along your pussy.

It’s a ridiculously arousing shot, and combined with his movements has you moaning out loud while you fist at his hair. Your hips are moving of their own accord now, short little grinding motions that press yourself further into him and he lets out a deep hum of approval, the vibrations sending shivers along you.

“That’s it, oh god yes that’s it. Keep going, make me cum. Use your fingers.” You command of him, your voice wavering slightly as your eyes flutter shut from the pleasure that sizzles along your veins. It’s been over forty-five minutes now, and you’re more than ready to finally fall into the embrace of the orgasm that you’ve been teasing yourself with.

And Hoseok is more than ready to give it to you, with his long and elegant fingers running along the supple skin of your thigh lightly before reaching your drenched core. Two of them slide along you, coating themselves in your excitement before they’re slipping inside.

Almost immediately you clench tightly around him, the sensation of something penetrating you overwhelming and enticing. Hoseok doesn’t let you go easy though, and you almost get the sense that he’s getting his own back on you.

It doesn’t surprise you. You’ve always claimed that he was dominant even when being submissive, he just let you do what you want. But you certainly don’t complain this time, not when he starts to finger you at a fast tempo that matches the insistent flicking of his tongue on your clit.

Each stroke has his fingers bending, curling against your g-spot and sending an overwhelming amount of pleasure through your body every time until you were making the tiniest moans. The sounds are lewd and loud, overwhelmingly wet and you have no doubt that Hoseok’s chin is likely getting covered.

He makes no complaint however, instead just focusing on your pussy with a laser focus. A glance at the camera in front of you makes you quiver, thighs tensing before you’re moaning out in one long, low syllable that sounds like it’s been drawn from the bottom of your stomach. Your internal muscles clamp down on his fingers, twitching around him as your entire body convulses while his tongue still working at your poor clit.

Hoseok’s hand doesn’t relent either, continuing to push through your tightness and elongating your orgasm until the over sensitivity of it all has you panting and pushing at his head until those beautiful brown eyes of his are visible once more. They’re creased slightly, amusement evident in every inch of his gorgeous face but you don’t let the camera see that.

Instead, you shift until you’re kneeling on one leg, the other pushed outwards so the camera can see the slick, wet evidence of Hoseok’s ministrations on you. Even from here, you can see how turned on you look and the lust in Hoseok’s eyes tells you that the viewers are probably loving it too.

Humming to yourself, you shift until you’re sitting closer to the laptop and lean in to read the comments while positioning the camera to focus on your torso. The silk brushes against your clit momentarily and you let out a tiny gasp before focusing once more.

“Oh, it seemed they liked that Hope. You were being a very good boy, they approve. Do you think we should let him get his treat now? Good boys deserve a reward right?” Your voice is huskier than it would normally be, but you’ve just been given a phenomenal orgasm so there’s no surprise.

Sure enough, the comments come rolling in like a wave of unrestrained lust and desire. People demanding that Hoseok be ridden till he’s whining, fucked in the ass till he’s pleading or sucked till he’s gasping. One thing was for certain; everyone wanted to see their favourite Hope brought to an orgasm that was so shattering, it would shift the axis of his world.

“Okay everyone, I see. We all want our beloved Hope to get his happy ending yeah? A true goodbye to the camming world? What do you say I make him moan for you, the way he’s made all of you moan over the years? Would you like that?” Hoseok lets out a soft gasp from behind you, his hand moving until it’s resting against the small of your back in a reassuring way.

The camera doesn’t pick this up and it warms you from the inside at his touch. He was ready for whatever you gave him.

His viewers are desperate to watch him truly fall apart, to witness him brought to orgasm by someone else. Smiling, you shift to look at him before smirking, running your finger along his swollen lips. He keeps firm eye contact with you as his tongue flicks out, playing with your finger before you’re looking back at the screen.

“Is everyone ready? You’re going to get to see the one and only Hope, truly fucked out for the first and only time.” The chat goes wild with excitement and lust, causing you to laugh as you move out of the way before shifting the camera until it’s focused on Hoseok perfectly.

He’s still wearing his shirt, the white that covers his arms contrasting against his warm, golden skin that’s covered in the lightest sheen of sweat. His hard cock, swollen and stiff against his stomach, is leaking pre-cum and you grin as it twitches as you watch it while his balls are tight, desperate for release.

“Let’s go then Hope, can you handle it?” You turn towards him, crawling on your hands and knees down the bed until you’re at his thighs. His lip is pulled into his mouth, white teeth apparent for a moment before they’re gone.

“I can handle it Ma’am.” His voice is quiet and respectful, but you can hear the slight pushback in it. He’s being cocky, which is a dangerous thing to be when you have his actual cock right there. Instead of saying anything though, you just grin before taking hold of the dildo that’s been sitting prettily inside him the whole time.

You know that it’s been affecting him, as occasional movements that had nothing to do with you would make him gasp and shiver. And you know exactly where his prostate is from previous experience. Not only that, but you have zero qualms in making him cry with pleasure again.

He tenses up for a quick moment before relaxing, his thighs tightening once more as you pull at the thick intrusion penetrating him until it’s almost out. Pushing slowly, you slip it back inside and grin at the deep grunt that leaves his mouth.

The next stroke is angled slightly, your wrist working to find the right angle until his entire body shudders and his hands claw at the sheets. Bingo.

“Do you like that? Does it feel good?” You murmur, tone low as you bend down to kiss along his toned thigh wetly. A few of your kisses turn into you sucking at the skin harshly, leaving pretty red spots that blossom, while others you bite at the muscle there.

It’s undeniably hot and arousing, the way he writhes on the bed at your insistent touch and how his hips circle desperately. Much like how yours must when he’s hammering into you, trying to find the perfect angle that makes your body sing.

But you’ve already found that with Hoseok, because each breath that escapes his heaving chest is laced with the beautiful sound of his moans and whines. Each noise painting a beautiful picture of heady lust for the camera.

“Did you know that he can orgasm from prostate stimulation alone?” You look at the camera, brow raised in amusement. From this distance, you can’t read the comments but from the way Hoseok’s cock jumps, you know that he’s remembering the experience as well. “It takes a long time though, so today we’ll just have to help him along.”

Smiling at him, you grab the bottle of lube and add a little more to make sure he’s extra comfortable before working at him harder. Hoseok hisses out slowly, his chest lowering as his breath leaves him and you decide that now is the time.

His cock is resting on his stomach still, a pool of pre-cum leaking profusely from his tip with the more you stimulate him. Reaching for it, you grasp the base of him firmly before moving up in one, long stroke. The downward stroke has him gasping and you continue the motion on, starting to move faster until the sounds in the room reach lewd levels once more.

Leaning forward, you tongue at his balls slowly, tracing along the skin and sucking one into your mouth playfully while his body wriggles on the bed desperately. His hands continually clench at the sheets and you wonder if he might tear straight through them.

“Oh god, oh god please. Please.” He starts to pant, the words high pitched despite his deeper voice and painted with desperation. Poor baby needed to come.

Letting go of his testicles, you run the flat of your tongue up his shaft slowly, letting it play along him before you flick your tongue at the spot just below his tip. Salty liquid greets you, the evidence of his desire and pleasure and you suckle on the head of him for a few moments, enjoying the way his hips jerk up to try and find more of the warm embrace of your mouth.

You don’t let his movements dictate you however, and instead your tongue dances around his tip for a minute or so, dipping into his slit before tracing along the edges of the head. Finally, your lips wrap around him, only this time...you don’t let go of him. Instead, you let your head lower until he’s firmly in your throat, your nose pressing against the hair at his base.

The suddenness of being deep throated has Hoseok choking, his hips jerking up and almost gagging you as you force your throat muscles to relax around him. “Oh fuck, oh god, oh fuck, oh shit.”

He’s not making any sense with his words and you get the feeling that any form of coherent thought has officially left him as your throat contracts around his sensitive tip. Each pull of your mouth on his cock is reciprocated with a stroke of the dildo inside him, creating a dual sensation of pleasure that has him speaking in pure gibberish as his face screws up.

There’s no warning of his next move, no pat on your head or verbal cue. Instead, his hips jerk savagely under you before his entire body convulses in a wave of pleasure as streams of thick cum coat the walls of your throat. Hoseok is normally pretty loud when he orgasms, his groans deep and intoxicatingly arousing, but this time he’s almost silent except for a soft, high pitched whine.

You help him through it, continuing to bob up and down on his cock as he cums while your arm continuous to pump the dildo in him. As usual when he’s getting prostate stimulation, the orgasm is longer than usual and it feels like he cums for minutes, your mouth salty with his taste.

Finally though, he starts to whine and pant as the pleasure turns to overstimulation. “Oh god, please stop. Please stop Ma’am.” He gasps out, hands twitching as he struggles to avoid pressing against your head.

You take pity on him, releasing him with a slick sound and watching as his sensitive member falls back on his stomach with a slap. Humming lightly, you gently tug the dildo out of him and place it on the towel you’d prepared earlier, ready for it to be cleaned later while your hand runs along his stomach lightly.

Pressing a kiss to his chest, you move up to then kiss his lips while you scan over his face quickly to check that he’s okay. He watches you with tired eyes, the half moon crescents wrinkling as he smiles at you.

“Are you okay?” You ask quietly after a few minutes, keeping your voice soft and quiet as your hand strokes along his chest comfortingly. He nods, lips pursing into a slight pout and you can’t help but chuckle at him before kissing him again. “Come say bye to your viewers.”

Hoseok groans slightly, knowing that you’ll give him the aftercare he needs and wants once the camera has finished. You have every intention of bundling him into the shower, cleaning him up, giving him a warm drink before cuddling up with him under the covers. But he has to finish his camshow career now.

He shifts forward, his movements slow and lazy and you let him lean against you. His head flops onto your shoulder, black hair covering his forehead and you make soft, unintelligible noises as you move it away so the camera can see his beautiful face. Maybe the shift in demeanour might be jarring to the viewers, but neither of you care.

Leaning forward, Hoseok pulls the laptop closer to you both while you drape his discarded jeans over both of your laps. Odd, to want this privacy after what you’d just done yet you felt the need given the topic. He makes a soft hum of acknowledgement before shrugging off his shirt and wrapping it around your shoulders.

“Did everyone enjoy that?” He asks, the corner of his mouth twisting up as a hint of his usual Hope persona comes through. Your hand slips behind him to rest against his back, providing comfort for you both.

The comments are running along the screen and you read a few with a smile, enjoying people screaming unintelligibly in the comments over how beautiful Hope looked being ruined or how nicely he came for you. From what you can read, the general consensus is positive to it and you feel proud that you’d done what he wanted.

“Yeah? You think she’s hot? She is, isn’t she? Pretty good at this too.” He goes quiet again before laughing. “Actually no, I don’t do this often. But tonight was special for you all, right? A treat to say thank you for loving me over the years.”

You want to hug him at that; the love and affection in his voice is so strong. He’ll miss this, you know he will. But Hoseok is also stubborn, and you know that he won’t change his mind.

“Does she have her own shows? No, she doesn’t,” He pauses and looks at you with a bright smile, the familiar heart shape warming your own heart. “I should stop talking like you’re not here. But seriously...thank you for all your love and support over the years. It’s meant a lot, and I’m glad that you’ve loved me in turn. I’ll miss you all.”

Hoseok waves at the camera, smiling brightly and laughing at the comments as they fly past. “I love you all! I hope all you dirty folk find someone new to keep you in your place. But for now, HopeWorld is officially closed.”

And with that, he turns off live stream.

It’s silent for a few seconds before he looks at you and presses a kiss to your forehead. He doesn’t move, just lets his lips rest there before he’s nosing at your hairline while his arms wrap around you.

“You did really good. A natural on camera. And you looked beautiful. And I’m not entirely sure I’m feeling my legs yet.” Snorting, you lean back slightly to look him in the eyes.

“Are you okay?” You’re asking both about his physical and mental state after what happened but also about closing down his camshow career. His lips purse before he nods.

“Yep. I’m good. I love you.” He whispers before kissing you slowly. A rumble of pleasure leaves his chest and you smile into it.

“Love you too. And now I believe I owe you some aftercare, so shower it is Mr Jung.”

“Yes future-Mrs Jung. Your fiancé needs his cuddles.”

“And he’ll get them. Once he’s clean.”

[crystalwillow]

Count My Blessings

Pairing: Noah Harris x Anna-Rose Price

Features: Mason Jennings, Hazel Harris, Elijah Harris & Ms. Harris

Mentioned: Samantha Lawrence, Mackenzie Price, Dave Price (Mc & Mack’s dad)

Word Count: 4.7K

Inspired by the finale of My Two First Loves. I wanted to write something for us who took the route of romancing Noah. Having Mason and Ava as friends. I do want to quickly disclaim that I chose to rename Ava to Samantha, to give Elijah one last chance and not turn him over to police, and to take the sweet route in the finale, not the steamy one. So this will mostly be fluff with slight steamy moments between Noah and Anna-Rose. 

I am using the names of the characters in my play through, and I am referring to Noah, Elijah & Hazel’s ma as Ms. Harris. 

I will at some point replay the book a further two times so I can write something similar to this for both Mason and Ava. But I do ask you to just bear in mind that Ava might be called Samantha because that’s what I’m choosing to call her. 

Also, this is written in first person, which is different for me as I usually mainly write in 3rd person. But nonetheless, I hope you enjoy this fiction. 

=============================================================

The night after the recital, I sat around the dining table in Noah’s home with his family. Ms. Harris had no idea what to make for dinner, so in my infinite wisdom, I had offered to pop by the store earlier in the day, and with the help of Mason, I was able to get all the ingredients I needed to make my favourite pasta dish. We’d also stopped by a clothing store to buy a couple of new outfits for me to choose from to wear for dinner. But of course, now being part of the family, I couldn’t not get anything for Hazel. So naturally, I spent hours browsing the shelf for the little rascal whilst Mason went through the women’s section, picking out potential options for me. I was starting to feel hopeless in the store we were in when I saw something that was screaming Hazel right at my face. Red is a colour that has always suited her, so when I came face to face with a beautiful red dress, with golden stars printed onto the material and a headband to match. I screamed, snatching up one in her size almost immediately. I was adoring the dress when Mason came rushing round the corner with what looked like a dozen dresses over his shoulders.

“Anna-Rose!” he panted, slightly out of breath.

“Mason? What is it? What’s wrong?” I asked, confusion clear on my face.

“You screamed.”

My face fell before breaking out into a wide grin and eventually laughter erupted from my throat.

“What? Why are you laughing? I don’t get it.” 

“I just found the perfect dress for Hazel, I’m not in danger.”

He scowled at me as I grinned at him before breaking out into laughter of his own, realizing how ridiculous our current situation was. “Right... You didn’t shout the..”

“Codeword of shobaloobagoobleflop.”

“Yeah… that.”

We stood in the moment for a while longer before heading to the fitting rooms for me to try on the dresses he had picked out and carried over his shoulder. After a further 45 minutes in the store, I’d narrowed it down to three options. A stunning silver bodycon dress, but it looked more like something someone would wear to an award show. A beautiful flowing sun dress in a beautiful midnight blue mixed with a little purple colour. And my personal favourite. A simple yet effective shirt dress in my favourite colour and made from my favourite material. Navy blue denim. I already owned a dress similar to this one, but in all the excitement of getting back to Eastridge to support Samantha at her first recital, I’d forgotten to pack it. And nobody can ever own too much denim. Or too many dresses. Right? 

“How’s it going Anna-Rose?” Mason asked loudly from outside the changing room. 

“Uhhh… I don’t know which to choose. I don’t want it to be too much and inappropriate for the dinner table. But I also want to look rejuvenated after actually spending the time cooking which is going to make me tired.” I shouted back.

“Well.. what options do you have left?”

As I told Mason the options I had left in the changing room with me I heard him reacting. 

“Okay. so you so do not want the bodycon. Hand that back.”

“Okay..” I replied as I stuck my arm out of the curtain, dress hanger in hand.

“Thank you, I’ll just pop this back. One moment please,” Mason said and I heard his footsteps retreat, I sat on the stool and looked at myself in the mirror and let out a small chuckle. Six months ago the girl looking back at me was going through so much she thought she might just not wake up one day due to exploding from stress in her sleep. But now, she’s a student at NYAI, is certain in her future, is lucky to have the friends she has and is proud of being the girlfriend to one of the most handsome people she has ever seen.

As I sat staring in the mirror waiting for Mason to return, my phone pinged on the side with a notification. It was a voice note from Noah in response to a message I’d sent whilst I was shopping for groceries with Mason. 

“Anna-Rose, you’re already too sweet for me. But it sounds like a good idea for you girls to get in some premium bonding time. I guess I could spare you for... Let’s say… 2 movies.”

I smiled as I listened to his chuckle and small whispering of “I love you” at the end, I held down the button to record and send my own response to him. 

“Noah Harris, you are not getting out of spending time doing face masks and painting your nails with myself and Hazel by slinking away to watch your videos about macho racing cars, or whatever it is you do. Plus I got our favourite candy! You can’t say no to that!” 

I followed the voice note with a picture of me pouting in the changing room mirror. Just as I locked my phone, I heard Mason return saying my name after clearing his throat. 

“I’ve just spoken to a shop assistant and she said that you should definitely go with the denim dress. It’s perfect pair with black heeled booties and your hair in a braid, pretty much how it is now.”  

I smiled as Mason relayed the information to me and got dressed back into my own clothes before making sure I had everything and pulling back the curtain. These two remaining dresses in hand. 

“Then I guess we’re putting back a sun dress.” 

Mason smiled and before we knew it he was dropping me back off at the Harris household, helping me inside with the bags before bidding me goodbye and leaving to head home. I was unpacking the groceries when I heard small footsteps bounding towards the kitchen, followed by much bigger ones. 

“Anna-Rose! Thank Goodness!” Hazel gasped as she ducked behind my legs as a grinning Elijah rounded the corner. He straightened up upon seeing my presence and swallowed harshly as he cleared his throat. 

“Anna-Rose. Ah. I um-”

“Was just doing what big brothers should do. Playing with their younger siblings and making them happy. Carry on, I just need to unpack these groceries and then I’m going to start preparing for dinner. But, I do want you two to clean up and be settled before your ma and Noah get home from work, okay? They’re going to want some peace and quiet before dinner.”

Elijah and Hazel looked at each other, talking with facial expressions before turning back to me and nodding profusely with large grins. “Okay, Anna-Rose!” they said in unison before carrying on with their game. 

Later on around 5:30pm, the door opened and closed as Noah returned from work, taking a deep inhale. 

“Something smells delicious.” he commented. 

“Anna-Rose is cooking dinner for us sweetie.” Ms. Harris replied as Hazel and Elijah bickered over a crayon’s shape on the floor. 

“No! I’m telling you Elijah. It’s a mermaid!”

“Nooo. it’s definitely a shark.”

Noah looked at them and chuckled from behind me before greeting me with a kiss. 

“Hey gorgeous. Miss me?”

“Of course I did.”

He smiled at me and we shared another kiss before he sighed. “As much as I’d love to stand her and cuddle you whilst you finish cooking, I’m gonna go jump in the shower. I’m covered in grease and brake fluid. It’s not the best smell.” 

“Okay. Dinner won’t be long, only about another 10 minutes maximum.”

“Alright. I’ll try not to be too long.” he winked before walking in the direction of the bathroom. 

I listened back to the conversation happening between Elijah and Hazel.

“But you said that basketballs can be customized to be rainbow. And that you’d get me one with my name on and everything. Even teach me how to play. And you still haven’t.”

“That was before. When my ways weren’t moral at all. I used to be a bad guy, like dad. The only difference between us is, I had a brother and a girl that’s very special to him, show me it’s not too late to be good before I was a copy of dad. So I’m not going to jail. Noah isn’t going back to jail. Ma will be around more often soon too. Things are only going to get better from now on. Okay, kiddo?”

I smiled softly as Hazel turned her head to look at me before looking back at her brother and breaking into a soft smile of her own. “So you’re a good guy now?”

“I’m at the very start. But it was the tortoise who won the race, wasn’t it?”

Hazel nodded with a smile and launched herself into Elijah’s arms. He looked over her shoulder at me and mouthed a “thank you” as tears glossed his eyes. And I knew he meant it. He was on the edge of no return when Noah, Mason, Samantha, Mack, and I found him in that warehouse that night. We could have made the total wrong decision giving him one last chance. But he wasn’t wasting it. It took for him getting severely injured for the danger of the lifestyle he was choosing to register in his mind. But I could tell he was truly sorry for all the pain he had caused. And I could tell that Ms. Harris was happy to have her eldest son back at home safe and away from being a criminal. Just as I was plating up dinner and Hazel was setting the table, Noah walked back into the kitchen, freshly showered and in some cleaner, more comfortable clothes. 

“Hey, Hazel?”

“Yes, Anna-Rose?”

“I could use your help quickly. Would you mind?”

“No, I’m coming!” she chimed and took my hand, following me to her bedroom. 

As we entered she immediately noticed the bag hanging on her door handle. “What’s in the bag?”

“Why don’t you go ahead and take a look?” 

“Okay…” Hazel cautioned as she opened the bag, taking out what was inside, screaming happily. “AH! ANNA-ROSE! HOW DID YOU KNOW I WANTED THIS?!” She abandoned the dress and headband in her bed and rushed into my arms hugging me tightly. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!” 

I chuckled as she hugged tighter before letting go. “Can you help me put it on?! I want to show Noah and Elijah how many heart’s I’m going to break when I grow up!” She enthused

“I don’t know about that.” I chuckled. “I think they might be a bit protective of you.” 

She gave me her best “and you think I care?” look before we burst into a fit of giggles. I helped her into her dress before disappearing into the bathroom and changing into my own. As we were inside, I didn’t bother with heeled booties as suggested. Instead I put in some fluffy black slippers and gave Hazel a matching pair, then together, we applied some lip gloss before rejoining the rest of the family for dinner. 

“Ohh Hazel! Look at you! You’re so pretty my sweet.” Ms. Harris cooed as she engulfed her in a hug, whilst Noah and Elijah gave me matching skeptical looks.

“What?”

“Do you know-”

“Are you aware-”

They stopped and looked at each other, mumbling an apology at each other. 

“Oh. I get it. You boys are jealous I got Hazel something and not you. Don’t worry. Elijah you’re after your mom who is next month and then Noah, you’re after Samantha, who is after Elijah.” I teased with my best poker face but couldn’t help but break out in a smile as Elijah failed to remain his own poker face beside me at Noah’s twitching eye.

“I’m teasing! Of course you’re next month with your mom. You two deserve something nice with all the hard work you do. I’ll send you details in the post.” I winked at Noah before taking my place between him and Hazel, Ms. Harris flashing me a kind smile. 

“Thank you so much for making us this meal Anna-Rose. I can’t express my gratitude enough.” 

“Your smile is all I need ma’am. Nothing more.” 

“Oh.” Ms. Harris replied as she choked back a sob. “Noah. Don’t you ever do anything foolish and lose this girl. Because I will personally rearrange your entire being myself.” She warned and Noah flashed a grin.

“Don’t worry ma. I don’t plan on it. She’s my everything. I wouldn’t- WE wouldn’t be where we are, had she not come into my life.” Noah reassured her, looking at me lovingly as he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. 

“You’ve got to teach me the game Noah.” Elijah stated.

“What game?” He responded, his adoring gaze never leaving mine.

“The one of scoring a girl of my own with a heart of gold.”

“There is no game.” He said, a small smile gracing his features. “You just have to be your true self, give them your everything and let them know they have you, even if for a while you don’t have them. If they need space to figure out who they are for them to then figure out what they two of you could be. Give it to them. Because if you don’t. You’ll lose them. Forever.” 

I smiled back at Noah softly and gently reached up, swiping the tear from his cheek that left his eye and he voiced the alternative of what could’ve happened to us.

“Noah.” Hazel piped up.

“Yes, ballet master?” 

“You haven’t told Anna-Rose how pretty she looks. That’s really rude. Ma raised you better than that. Also. This pasta is delicious, thank you Anna-Rose.” 

Everyone chuckled at her bluntness as she chowed down on her food. 

“She’s right. I haven’t. You look stunningly gorgeous tonight babe. Thank you for the effort you’ve put in.”

Elijah piped up too. “Yes. Thank you Anna-Rose.” 

“Oh. Guys. It’s nothing, seriously. I just wanted to cook a nice meal for my family.” 

Elijah, Hazel and Ms. Harris froze mid-bite and looked at me. Elijah lowered his fork back to his plate before clearing his throat to speak.

“We- you- but you two aren’t-” he stuttered. 

Noah smirked. “How do you know?” He teased. 

“You didn’t…” Elijah gasped

“Maybe I did.”

“But she would have…”

“Not necessarily.”

“Bro, did you seriously…”

Noah was about to respond when their mom interjected.

“Noah, stop winding your brother up.” 

“Ah, maaa! You ruined the fun. Just look at his face!” Noah chuckled with a gleam in his eye. 

Elijah looked between the two of us for the rest of dinner, I could see the gears turning in his head. Trying to figure out if Noah had popped the question. Even though the answer right now was an obvious no. 

After dinner was done, Elijah offered to do the dishes whilst Ms. Harris announced she was off to bed, leaving myself, Hazel and Noah to take up the living room and watch movies whilst doing face masks. 

As the night wound on, I flooded my Pictagram stories with small videos and various pictures documenting our night. Being careful to stick to Ms. Harris’ rules of not showing off the location of their house. By 10:30pm Hazel was sound asleep on the couch, whilst Noah and I were snuggled on the floor under blankets. We were engrossed in a movie when Elijah stuck his head in the room startling us as he spoke up.

“Hey. Ma wanted m-”

“Ah!” I yelped quietly, Noah gasping beside me.

“Sorry.” Elijah apologized, “Ma asked me to check up on you three. She’s now going to sleep but could help but worry.”

“Oh. Well. Hazel’s asleep. And we were just finishing the movie before heading to be ourselves.” I explained.

“Okay. Let me carry her to bed. Oh, and Anna-Rose?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks. Again. When are you going home to see your dad?” 

“Uhh… tomorrow. Why?” 

“Could I.. tag along? I owe him a massive thanks for risking his job to save my life.” 

I let the question hang in the air for a moment before smiling softly, “Sure. But… you’ll also owe him a profuse apology for leaving his daughters to get arrested for a crime they didn’t have any active part in.” 

“I… yeah. I do. I’ll work on it tonight. Noah?” He jerked his head at his younger brother. Noah raised a brow back at him. “Am I crashing in your room tonight?” 

“No. There’s 15 minutes of this movie left. You can settle on the couch and wait for us to leave, we won’t be long.” 

“Okay. Cool.” 

As the movie finished, I spared a glance over at Elijah who had rejoined us after putting Hazel to bed, and was now asleep on the couch. I felt my brow furrow with concern as I watched him flinch and whimper in his sleep, a cold sweat taking over him before he sat up with a shout, scaring Noah, who was putting the DVD’s away. 

“Hey. It’s alright. You’re okay. You’re safe.” I said softly, gently rubbing his back in circular motions.

“Wha- Where- …”

“You’re at home. With your family.”

He looked at me and his eyes widened in terror.

“You!” He exclaimed pointing an accusatory finger at me. “You’re lying about your full name. Noah doesn’t know it. He only knows the shortened version.”

Noah looked at Elijah suspiciously. “Hey. Are you… okay? What nightmare did you have this time.” 

“She’s a criminal Noah.”

“What? Elijah. She’s not. It was just a bad dream. Anna-Rose, can you grab a bottle of water from the fridge?”

“Sure.”

“No!” He yelled as I turned to leave the room. “She’ll poison it.” He whispered to Noah, earning a confused look in return. 

“Elijah. You’re being silly. Who do you think I am?” 

“The largest serial killer known to man.” 

“What? No. I’m Annabella Rosaline Marianne Price, 1st daughter to the late Sheila Price and her husband Dave Price. I’m a graduate of Eastridge High and am currently pursuing my passion of photography at The NYAI. I’m no murderer. I’m your brother's girlfriend. And I see you as family too. I helped make sure you survived a horrible attack. If I wanted you dead I would have left you.”

I looked on with a steel gaze towards Elijah despite Noah looking at me with his cute puppy dog face. Once Elijah came out of his trance and nodded I turned to Noah and raised a brow.

“What?” I asked softly.

“You’re full name.”

“What about it?”

“It explains why you’re so beautiful… Annabella Rosaline Marianne Price. The woman I will one day, make my wife. I- … Wow.” He whispered softly with a smile, which I gracefully returned.

“I’ll go get that water.” I said as Elijah cleared his throat reminding us of his presence.

--- The Next Day ---

As the sun beamed through the crack in Noah’s curtains, I stirred awake and turned to face the wall with a groan. It couldn’t be morning already could it? I smiled as I felt a soft tickle of breath against my neck followed by Noah’s voice.

“Good morning, beautiful.” He whispered in my ear and I could hear the smile on his face.

“Shhhhhh.” I said back, earning a small chuckle from him as he wrapped his arms around me and snuggled as close as possible. 

“We have a couple hours until we need to get up. How long do you wanna stay like this for?”

“Forever. You’re so warm and snuggly. I’m gonna miss you so much when I go back to New York.”

“I’m gonna miss you too. Though. I have a question.”

I opened my eyes as I turned to face him, his bright blue skies meeting my forest greens. “Shoot.”

“When moments are special. Like this one right now. Can I call you my Annabella?” He blushed.

I smiled at his cuteness. “Only if I can call youuuu…”

“Noah Maurice Harris?”

“What?”

“My middle name. It’s Maurice. After my late grandfather on ma’s side.”

I smiled for a moment bringing my hand to his face and cupping his jaw, caressing his cheek with a gentle thumb. I watched as he closed his eyes and inhaled, peace etching itself on every inch of his face. He somehow looked even more angelic this way than when he had his eyes open. 

“I don’t want to call you your full name. I just want to call you mine.” I whispered, placing a soft kiss on his forehead as his bedroom door opened. Ms. Harris poking her head inside, giving us a smile as she laid her eyes on us. 

“Good morning Anna-Rose. Morning Noah.”

“Morning Ms. Harris”

“Hi ma.”

“Oh. Anna-Rose. Thank you.”

“What for?” 

“I haven’t seen or heard my little baby so relaxed for years. You two truly are meant to be. Thank you for being a safe person for him.” She whispered, gently stroking Noah’s hair and we watched as a small smile crept onto his face. 

“Ma. You’re gonna seal the deal and put me back to sleep in a minute.” Noah smiled lazily and I chuckled softly as Ms. Harris smiled. 

“It’s… nothing Ms. Harris. I… I love him. He’s amazing. His past doesn’t define who he is at heart. A soft, sappy, kind, warm, loving, hopeless romantic. And… and someone who I can see my future with. I would trade what we’re starting to build for ourselves for anything in the world. You’re an amazing mother Ms. Harris. And it’s reflected in both Noah and Hazel. I’m hoping one day we’ll see it in Elijah too. I know it’s there. He just has to stop being afraid to let it shine through. Please never doubt yourself because every one of your kids has the purest of hearts, just like you.”

I reached out and took Ms. Harris’ hand in my own as she sniffled and a tear fell from her cheek onto the pillow beside Noah’s head. 

“I couldn’t ask for a better daughter-in-law than you Anna-Rose. You’ve done so much, not only for this one here but, for Hazel and you helped bring my other boy home. Things feel more complete now, and we have you to thank.” 

I smiled at her as we squeezed each other's hands in an understanding gratefulness. I was thanking her for bringing Noah into this world and she was thanking me for loving him despite the rumors and harsh things being said about him, for reaching deeply and seeing Noah within. Who he truly was. Our moment was interrupted as Elijah poked his head in. 

“Is he not up yet? We’re supposed to be leaving for our morning run in 5 minutes.” 

“Oh shut it Elijah. I’m in a moment of bliss. Go for the run on your own.” Noah slurred. Ms. Harris and I chuckled quietly as Elijah let out an exaggerated sigh with an eye roll before leaving. 

“Well, I popped in to remind you not to be late for work today Noah. And tell you your lunch is in the fridge. I need to be off to work myself. I’ll see you later.” She smiled and pressed a kiss to Noah’s temple and one to my forehead before collecting her bag from the floor and leaving, quietly shutting the door. 

After she had gone, Noah slowly opened his eyes and smiled at me. 

“What?” 

“Nothing. I just… thank you. For treating her so well. She means a lot to me and well… she’s the only parent I’ve got. If it wasn’t for her..”

“Hey! It’s okay. I… it’s been a while since I had a mother figure in my life. And well… your mom’s not exactly mean is she? She deserves the nice words, gifts, and love. To be cherished and shown how amazing she is. Plus. Being rude isn’t in my nature.” I whispered softly

He smiled back at me and I stroked his hair, sighing contently before pushing himself up. “I should join Elijah for our morning run. Then we can cuddle up again when I get back okay?”

“Yeah, sure.” I smiled, sharing a kiss with him before snuggling under his blankets and hugging his pillow.

“NOAH I'M LEAVING!” Elijah shouted.

“ONE MINUTE, I'M TYING MY SHOES!” Noah shouted back and gave me a wink as he pulled his shirt over his head, grabbing his shoes from the rack by the door and walking out. 

There wasn’t much to do whilst he was gone, but put the dishes away from last night's meal and have a shower myself. I was reading a book, coffee mug in hand when Hazel came into the room, plopping herself down next to me. 

“Good morning, Anna-Rose.”

“Good morning, Hazel. Can I get you breakfast?”

“Can you make pancakes?”

“I make the best pancakes. Shall we see if we have all the ingredients?” 

Hazel nodded and together we made pancakes before getting up and dressed. When the boys returned we were sitting watching TV. The rest of the day passed by how you would expect. We played board games and drew pictures, when Ms. Harris arrived home from work, Elijah, Noah, and myself set off for my dad’s house. When we arrived he received us with a warm welcome. Firstly Elijah apologized profusely to dad for the mess he got myself and Mack in. Then he apologized to Mack for even putting her in that position in the first place. By the end of the evening everything was smoothed over and starting to heal. The next morning Mason knocked on the door, he was taking me back to New York today. There were some things I needed to get before college started back up and it was gonna take a while. 

Elijah decided to make his own way back home but Noah was coming with us too. I’d promised him I’d show him the sights. As we travelled along the highway, I couldn’t help but feel sadness. Being miles away from your friends and boyfriend sucks. You just want to stay close forever and make a tone of memories together. But everyone has to lead a life of their own eventually. Mason was Noah’s ride back to Eastridge so he parked in the parking spot outside my dorm and the two helped me inside with my bags. After they were secured safely, I locked my dorm and we headed out to see the sights and go shopping. 

Eventually the part I had been dreading came and I teared up as I stood on my dorm doorstep with Noah, clutching his hands tightly in my own. 

“I wish you could stay.”

“I wish I could stay too. But we’re blessed with phones. We can hear each other daily.”

“It’s not the same as being able to hold you though.”

“I know. But we’ll see each other again over our next break.”

“Promise?”

“Wholeheartedly so, my sweet Annabella.” Noah whispered and I closed my eyes as he pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead before pulling me into a tightened embrace. “Did you hug Mason goodbye?” He mumbled into my hair and I shook my head.

Noah turned to the car and motioned for Mason to join us. He walked over and cleared his throat.

“What’s wrong?”

“You haven’t hugged your friend goodbye. That’s pretty rude Mason.”

Mason sighed and looked at me, opening his arms and I dove into them, squeezing him tightly too. “I'm going to miss you. Have fun in the Navy.” 

“I will.”

I stepped back inside and waved goodbye, watching as Mason's car drove off into the distance. When I could no longer see it, I closed the door and climbed into bed. I had just settled when my phone pinged. Opening the message from Noah I chuckled. It was a goofy selfie of him and Mason pouting as they sat in traffic, captioned “We miss you already 😢” 

Sighing I sent a pouting selfie of my own back captioned “missing you guys too! 🥺😢💔”

Usually I found it hard to fall asleep being away from everyone, in a big city all on my own. But there was something different, I realized as I was drifting off to sleep that all I had to do was count my blessings.

[greymattermaelstrom]

Ozlander Fan Gathering 2020  -   The Rik and Sophie Show

I attended Ozlander in Melbourne. What an incredible weekend so would like to share my Ozlander experience with you. Of course, it was during the very early days of covid-19 which I’ll address shortly. I’d never met any of the cast before, nor any group of like minded fans. Of course, you are usually lucky to know anyone who watch the TV show (not counting a partner) in your circle of friends let alone personally know a group of fans to chat with. It’s funny though, I’m not sure what I expected, but I thought people would have in depth discussions about OL characters/plots during coffee breaks or in line ups for autographs/photos. I didn’t experience that. I think it was a given that we were all deep into OL. Instead, I found we just chatted and got to know each other, ‘Where are you from?’ etc. As this was the first formal Outlander convention held in Australia, this was big news. I bought my ticket the day they were available (Nov 2019). It was a long way off but I knew the gathering would occur a short time after the first few episodes of Outlander S5 were broadcast, so when S5 started airing, my anticipation grew. Prices were steep admittedly, but a number of us felt it may be the first and last opportunity to meet a cast member, so we did what we could to get there (i.e. sell the healthiest child, blackmail the rich, etc).

Article from “The Scottish Banner” Feb 2020.

Unfortunately, 4 weeks out, Ed Speleers withdrew due to work commitments but local, David Berry, was announced as his replacement on the same day. Then 10 days out, Graham McTavish withdrew due to work commitments in Slovakia. No news of a replacement was announced (I learnt at the event that organising a visa etc with Covid-19 developing had made it nigh on impossible to organise a replacement in time). Ozlander organisers revisited the program and added extra value features to the various tiers. The gathering weekend was so close, yet seemed so far away in these uncertain times. Every day, I anticipated receiving an email stating it had been cancelled. I knew the organisers must have been pulling their hair out. Selfishly and as long as it was safe to do so, I was hoping it would still go ahead. The virus was not as advanced in Australia. Most of our relatively low number of cases were brought in by travellers (residents returning or tourists) from Europe/Asia before flying was cancelled. The Federal Government had restricted public gatherings to less than 500 at the time. Attendance was actually under 200.  FYI, below are the global covid-19 stats as of 19 April 2020, a month later. Australia’s population is 25 million.

A few days after the Ozlander event, only crowds of less than 100 were permitted by the govt. We were so, so lucky!! Of course, that reduced further as precautions were implemented over time. We have self-isolation and a lot of business closures, cancellation of sports/entertainment etc. It is dreadful, but not a total lock down in Australia. We could walk dogs and make necessary trips to the supermarket, pharmacy, doctor or special court appearances. Anyway, just wanted to address this concern. ~ Tickets sold well (premium tickets sold out). I saw fans on sm stating the date of the event clashed or it was a bit expensive so I know more wanted to come. Yes, the cost was relatively high. Return airfares for cast, accommodation, plus I assume their appearance fee was always going to be an expensive venture, especially as our AUD had been declining sharply against the USD for some time. Australia can miss out on some things because of distance and a relatively small population, but overall, I think we have done well over the years. ~ Rik (Richard) and Sophie posted IG photos from Melbourne a couple of days before the event. Yay!! They were in the country at least, enjoying the sunsets, cuddling koalas and hypnotising wallabies lol. Sophie posted a selfie from a public toilet (bathroom) - as you do. See Sam’s comment below. Toilet paper was becoming a precious commodity....🤔

So the odds looked good and finally, Ozlander arrived.🥳 Before we took our seats, a lone piper slowly walked into the throng playing Waltzing Matilda (iconic Australian bush ballad) which segued into Outlander's theme song. Goosebumps! Applause all 'round. The piper was a big fan too.

What a thrilling start to proceedings. We took our seats and Meagan Taylor (the one who dared dream the dream), welcomed everyone. The age range of fans was predominately 40-65. We were excited and expectant. Housekeeping announcements focused on coronavirus precautions of course. Wash hands, use hand sanitiser when you can't, no handshaking and no touching the cast. This last request was a little disappointing after seeing photos from other OL cons, but it was quite understandable. I think we were just over the moon Ozlander went ahead so we were more than happy to comply and consider the health and safety of others. Then Meagan had the unenviable task of informing us David Berry had unfortunately cancelled his appearance due to health reasons. Yikes! What a shame. (David released a press statement 15 March(?) outlining his difficult decision. Sydney is Australia's Covid-19 hot spot, so David being a Sydneysider, had to consider this I guess). There are IG photos of David, Rik and Sophie together in Australia, just not sure where. So of course, it surprised everyone that David wasn't attending. Refunds of his meet and great and the re-jigging of tiers was to be announced on the fly. Then there were two, Rik and Sophie (and no pressure whatsoever!)🤪. Meagan then advised that the five panels across the weekend would be all audience Q & A which got a loud cheer. On with the show! The Rik and Sophie show! 🎉 They came on stage ready for a good time. Rik opened with 'G'day'. Great start I thought and continued his half decent Australian accent. It's a hard accent to imitate as we know. Rik's was a bit exaggerated but that was part of the fun. 

‘G’day. ‘How are ya’?’

Sophie in an outfit she bought here. Same brand as Saturday’s dress that she brought with her.

Roger Mac is in da house.

I’ll admit, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. I have seen Rik and Sophie in a lot of interviews, OL promos (talking to camera) and taking part on OL panels on YouTube. I can find their rapport a little strained and snarky at times. Luckily, I was very pleasantly surprised that their 2020 version was very endearing and entertaining. I think they’ve worked on this. I also think, that the spectre of Sam and Cait, through no fault of their own, does loom large at cast events. Therefore, it was great to see Rik and Sophie rise to the challenge of working the room in the absence of their cast mates. And I think they really relished this (albeit exhausting) opportunity and the small theatre made it a casual and intimate affair. They answered questions in an engaging manner and often expanded on it, citing on set examples, many I’ve never heard before, and I’ve seen a lot of OL interviews. Almost as soon as they came on stage, Rik was asked if he would play his guitar and sing for us. While flattered, I think it was too early in the piece and he said maybe he would do so during the weekend sometime. Alas, time wasn’t on our side so it didn’t eventuate. ~ Rik was asked if his hair ticks were under control (ep 501)😂. Combing his fingers through his hair, he replied in his strong Scottish brogue that most of them were gone now. Good sport. ~ He was told the OL bts photos he posts on sm (taken on set) were great and much appreciated and to keep them coming to which the audience applauded. I think he quietly enjoyed that moment. All creatives will take that, knowing their skills and hard work meant something to someone, much like our appreciation for OL and these sorts of events!

Then on to costumes, wigs and make up. It was thought that it must be nice to have your scalp/hair attended to in the makeup. ‘No, it’s not’ R&S said in unison.😂 Verra uncomfortable process apparently. The hair is flattened and held down with clips. The hairline edge of the wig is ‘glued’ to the top of your forehead and then alcohol is used to get the glue off after shooting, which dries the skin. Some hair falls out over time with this process also. We know this has happened to Sam to an extent.😬 Rik is hoping to grow his hair long enough so he doesn’t need a wig, which accounts for his current hirsute glory. ~ Sophie said they both share a make up trailer and added that Rik has a magic make up chair. Being early morning, he often goes to sleep in it and upon waking up, hey presto, it’s Roger Mac. At make up time, they do know if the other is a bit touchy, so they try not to annoy each other. Too much.😂 ~ At one stage, we were a bit shy in asking questions. Meagan said if this was in the US, there’d be a line up for the mic.😂

Ozlander Fan Gathering 2020 selfie. 

~ Sophie responded to a geeky question about wearing wireless mics secreted in their costumes or hair as well using the usual overhead boom mics you see on bts videos. She was asked about her experience with ADR which she’s not a great fan of it. The audience asked, ‘What’s ADR?’ There are a few accepted terms in the industry, Additional Dialogue Replacement is one. It’s when some dialogue needs to be re-recorded late in post production if the original dialogue audio recording at the time is less than optimal for a variety of reasons (thanks Google). Sophie gave an instance when in S4, Bree told Claire she had been raped. The stream in the background got into the dialogue mics too much in this particular outdoor location, so Sophie had to re-record her dialogue (like lip syncing) saying exactly what she said at the time, whilst watching the scene on a screen in a recording studio. It’s hard to get the context and emotion of the scene back into your voice and that’s why some actors hate doing it and plead to have the original dialogue kept as much as possible. But ADR happens more than you realise and for various reasons (see Google). It is impossible to tell when you watch the show, what scenes have had ADR done, it’s blended so well. They would record the stream/ ambient sounds separately at some point and then mix it in lower against the dialogue after ADR is done. 😅

 ~ Sophie talked about her audition process and was sat down in an exec’s office and was told OL fans are very passionate! (we are?🤔😁). They have an idea of how book Brianna should look and Sophie confirmed she wasn’t tall enough, eyes the wrong colour, etc and that yeah, as expected, she received some not so nice things on sm. But she tried not to read too much of it and pressed on with the role of Bree. Her tone wasn’t sarcastic or indignant at all, but humble. I was impressed. 

Queuing for photos with Rik or Sophie on this occasion. We weren’t allowed to touch but we all had a squirt of hand sanitiser (just to be super safe?).🤔            

There were a few photo opportunities over the weekend and a bonus or two thrown in make up for the cast that couldn’t make it. A refund was offered for people with meet and greet tickets for David. However, R & S kindly offered to do a meet and greet for David’s fans instead and they happily accepted. Legends! I don’t know where they found the energy to be constantly ’on’ with so many people over the weekend. Chocolate? Youth?  ~ As it was a small event, there weren’t any extra security staff that I could see. I think it was only the Museum staff and the security cameras which were hardly noticeable. ~ When getting my autographs, Rik and Sophie didn’t ask for my name, but when I read their personal messages, they had used my name (which they’d seen on my Ozlander lanyard. How cool is that? Very slick!). There were assorted costumes, the de rigueur wedding dress of Claire’s which added to the ambience. Of course, most of the audience were women but good to see a handful of men there, some even in kilts! Saw some Aussie Peakers in their MPC tees too. Cool. 

To settle a pronunciation question, Sophie asked the audience after lunch, ‘Is it scone (as in, phone) or scone (as in, shone)? 

An emphatic SCONE (shone) came back. Rik said “Oh, wow, a shouting(?) majority?’ 

Just to be sure, someone asked who lost, Rik pointed at Sophie. He didn’t gloat too much. Poor Sophie!

Of course, what would an OL event be without the cast having a drink or two to lubricate the tonsils (as we say).

Here are a few more tidbits. All the info I’m sharing has been gleaned from the panels and time spent with Rik and Sophie over the weekend as my tier allowed (which was a lot). ~ Yes, they had tried Vegemite (similar to marmite/promite), courtesy of David Berry. Sophie has some in Scotland. Onya Davo! (good on you David). Incidentally, Sam tried some when he was here in 2016 on Studio 10 (morning talk show - March 2016, his interview is on You Tube). It’s a thing. ~ Rik didn’t know if Sam’s whisky would be his cup of tea, but said it was ‘good actually’. ~ Rik was sometimes surprised by the particular take post production used for the show, but was more surprised by what was edited out of a scene (to add dynamics or guide the narrative a certain way which would apply to all productions everywhere). ~ The pyre scene with the Jesuit Priest at the Mohawk Village Ep 412 was hard to watch on TV. He said it was hard to watch them shoot that scene on set as it was so dangerous!😬 ~ Sophie very occasionally discussed the historical accuracy of things in a scene with directors ie. birthing stool or not in Ep 413 and 1960′s The Mashed Potato moves in S5 are different to how we know them now. She convinced the director’s on those 2 occasions. To me, it shows her passion for the show! ~ When asked about Bree meeting Jamie for the first time in S4, Sophie was asked about the eww factor but didn’t think about Jamie’s hand touching her face after he had relieved himself as he had only used a fruit juice bottle.🤣 ~ R & S were asked to respond to: ‘Aussie, Aussie, Aussie!’ And with relish they replied: ‘Oi, Oi, Oi!’. Someone did their homework. Cool. It’s a parochial call and response thing some aussies do at sporting events etc. ~ R & S often went for an early morning run. Before Sunday’s program began, Meagan asked us all to be very quiet. ‘That sound’, she said, ‘is Rik having his hair blown dry backstage.’ Laughter at Rik’s expense all round. Sophie came on with her’s still damp.

Graham McTavish ‘popped’ in from Slovakia to say hi and sorry I can’t be there. Rik and Graham had a good rapport. After some banter, the audience was now supposed to ask a question and GM rolled his eyes as he heard Rik’s voice again, this time asking him what he conditioned his beard with? ‘Well”, said GM, ‘well Richard, um, I, ahh (chuckle), I condition it with...., obviously a little bit of your love ..’. Much laughter in the theatre.

Then GM commented further, (which I missed, sadly), to even more laughter.

Who knows what would have happened had GM been at the event in person?! There is so much more I could share, but you get the idea. 

Sophie wasn’t feeling the best during the last panel just before the close of the event, but she pushed through like a trooper. Rik said she had eaten too much chocolate. A weakness of Sophie’s. I think fatigue was catching up with both of them. They did so much.

Meagan presented Rik and Sophie with an Akubra (pron. uh·koo·bruh) each (iconic Australian outback hat) as a memento of their time here at Ozlander. Rik had the Crocodile Dundee style whilst Sophie’s was more demure. In his best aussie lingo, Rik said: ‘I’m Richard Dundee and this is my partner, Skippy (Sophie).’ (Referencing Skippy the bush kangaroo ? - a much loved Australian TV show 1968-1970). 

The Scottish Banner article promised an intimate relaxed chance to get to know stars from the Outlander TV series and I’m happy to say that this is exactly what we got. Whilst it’s a shame we didn’t get to know Ed, Graham or David better, we certainly got to know Rik and Sophie better than we had ever anticipated. As a result, I see Rik and Sophie in a new light, esp in S5, where they have more scenes together. In a small way, I’ve gotten to know a little of the person that inevitably informs their TV persona (ie facial expressions, mannerisms, speaking cadence and inflections). What a memorable time I had (can you tell?). Thanks to Rik and Sophie, the gathering organisers (who got a special mention on stage at the close) and the other fans I met there. Thanks for reading this far on a rather lengthy post.😊 I know it’s my take on the weekend, but I’ve tried not to editorialise it, but present it, as accurately as I can, hence, it may be a bit dry to read.😅  I think Ozlander is a great name and I look forward to Ozlander Fan Gathering 2021.  

Ozlander graphics: Ozlander Fan Gathering (I tweaked the circle logo in the title)

Ozlander Fan Gathering 2020 selfie: Ozlander Fan Gathering

other photos: all permissions obtained    

Ozlander Fan Gathering article: The Scottish Banner February 2020

Sophie Skelton post: Instagram

global covid-19 cases stats: Wikipedia

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Kickstarter: 7 Questions with Stephen O'Neill of Chillies Playing Cards

Now on Kickstarter, Chillies Playing Cards designed by Stephen O'Neill is a deck that celebrates Mexican design and Maya culture. The fully custom deck features a mirrored card backs in a monochromatic repeated chilli pattern and enhanced standard court cards with an added twist of spice. 

The eye-catching Ace of Spades showcases two Chillies shaped into the spade and engulfed in flames and taste testers Jokers of the Maya Chilli harvest until they weren't. The deck is packaged in a classic tuck box with hidden influences from Mexican Design and Maya Culture. 

Late last week, we had a chat with Stephen about his design background, the inspiration, and the design process behind Chillies. For those of us who don’t know, can you tell us about yourself and what is your design background? My name is Stephen O'Neill, I live in the UK with my amazing Wife, 10-month-old Son and my Beagle, Franklin. I graduated with a degree in Digital Design and slowly moved away from digital work to explore other careers and see the world. I eventually found myself designing full time five years ago in the children's fashion industry where I mostly create repeat patterns for footwear and clothing. I joke that I haven't 'worked' in five years, because I'm lucky to do what I love.   

Can you describe the Chillies Playing Cards and why you’re passionate about it? The Chillies decks are a series of decks that celebrate Mexican design and Maya culture. I love chillies and I often incorporate what I enjoy personally into my work when I can, I find it incredibly motivating. I'm always excited to see where a project can go and the fire for these decks comes from a philosophy of anything is possible. 

Walk us through the process you took to design the deck. How did you come out with the idea? When I designed the Beyond deck, it was simply an experiment for me to visualise what traditional standard court cards would look like as astronauts, but while designing these I was finding inspiration everywhere. All these ideas were flooding my mind, so I decided to write every idea down, good and bad. I attempt to grow chillies each year and I was in the greenhouse when I thought a chillies themed deck would be a good idea. I'd already started a second deck before my first Kickstarter launched but I couldn't shake the chillies idea so I created a moodboard for them. I always include what colours I want to use and images relating to the message I'm trying to convey, from there I start with sketches and move to digital recreation when I'm happy with my designs. There's a few ups and downs during the design stage and many changes are made before I start sending everything to Cartamundi. 

What was your most brilliant breakthrough when designing the deck? I would say there were at least two Eureka moments that lead to the final designs. First would be the back design, originally I wanted a chilli at each end where the logo is currently, but I wasn't happy with how it looked and went through a number of iterations before scrapping it. I was working on a repeat pattern when I realised I should be working to my strengths and create a patterned back, one where I could incorporate a broken border would be perfect and when I made the first draft I was instantly happy with the direction I'd taken. The second breakthrough was after my tuck file corrupted and I was set back a couple of weeks, I'd already sketched an idea for the Picante Edition so I worked on that instead, but loved it so much that I created the Original Chillies from that design and how they all fit together afterwards just felt right. 

We first noticed the deck on Instagram. What do you think of the community in terms of the feedback and support that you’ve been getting? Oh, the community is fantastic, I wouldn't be making another deck without my backers and the community that's welcomed me with open arms. The feedback for my first deck has been phenomenal, from people finding hidden features to the feel of the B9 stock, it's overwhelmingly positive. I've found the support for the Chillies Originals has been just as positive and the feedback of what people would like to see from the series has led the process in many ways. So many ideas are shared and I find the community very friendly and helpful, I've never worked in an industry where you can freely share your work and ideas so respectfully. It truly feels like everybody wants everyone to succeed, we're all in it together. 

What’s next? Can we expect more deck designs in the future? Yes, I'm planning to go back to my partially finished deck at some point, and I've planned for six Chillies Originals, three more chilli varieties to come soon. Hopefully, a couple of Picante Editions too. I'm going through my list of ideas and I'm working towards a couple of collaborations so I'm sticking around for a while. I do have one idea I'm really excited about but I'll share more about that when the time is right. 

Finally, what are your favorite playing cards? Kings Wild Project decks are a clear winner for me in terms of design, I love the matchbox Tigers and Legal Tender. I'd be picking up the gilded tigers if I'd not spent the budget I had on the Chillies! I also love the illustrations in the Space Tube Vacuum deck, so I can't wait to get my hands on that. I have a couple of sentimental decks that are my favourites to use in games, a few decks I've collected on my travels in meaningful locations. I'm looking for other decks that use the B9 stock to practise cardistry. I really love the softness of it and it's made picking up some techniques much much easier.

  Thank you for your time, Stephen, and congratulation on smashing the funding goal! At the time of writing, Chillies is already 132% funded with 13 days to go! If you like what you've read here and want to support Stephen, you can find it on Kickstarter Here! 

Pledge starts at $14, there will be four editions available on offer during the campaign- Original Chillies, Jalapeno Original, Habanera Original and Picante. All The decks will be printed by Cartamundi with Premium B9 Finish.

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