#I wrestled with photoshop again

[copper-eyed]

General Antoc Merrick

[poorlymadesockpuppet]

"Whatever it is you two have, I wanna see it cured!"

[cowboyshit]

the want to gif is still lurking… the ability to execute the desire? not so much 😔

[norfkid]

need to learn how to gif films bc there are so many incredible martial arts sequences i've seen over the years & i desperately want others to see them too

[ms-demeanor]

Why reblog machine-generated art?

When I was ten years old I took a photography class where we developed black and white photos by projecting light on papers bathed in chemicals. If we wanted to change something in the image, we had to go through a gradual, arduous process called dodging and burning.

When I was fifteen years old I used photoshop for the first time, and I remember clicking on the clone tool or the blur tool and feeling like I was cheating.

When I was twenty eight I got my first smartphone. The phone could edit photos. A few taps with my thumb were enough to apply filters and change contrast and even spot correct. I was holding in my hand something more powerful than the huge light machines I'd first used to edit images.

When I was thirty six, just a few weeks ago, I took a photo class that used Lightroom Classic and again, it felt like cheating. It made me really understand how much the color profiles of popular web images I'd been seeing for years had been pumped and tweaked and layered with local edits to make something that, to my eyes, didn't much resemble photography. To me, photography is light on paper. It's what you capture in the lens. It's not automatic skin smoothing and a local filter to boost the sky. This reminded me a lot more of the photomanipulations my friend used to make on deviantart; layered things with unnatural colors that put wings on buildings or turned an eye into a swimming pool. It didn't remake the images to that extent, obviously, but it tipped into the uncanny valley. More real than real, more saturated more sharp and more present than the actual world my lens saw. And that was before I found the AI assisted filters and the tool that would identify the whole sky for you, picking pieces of it out from between leaves.

You know, it's funny, when people talk about artists who might lose their jobs to AI they don't talk about the people who have already had to move on from their photo editing work because of technology. You used to be able to get paid for basic photo manipulation, you know? If you were quick with a lasso or skilled with masks you could get a pretty decent chunk of change by pulling subjects out of backgrounds for family holiday cards or isolating the pies on the menu for a mom and pop. Not a lot, but enough to help. But, of course, you can just do that on your phone now. There's no need to pay a human for it, even if they might do a better job or be more considerate toward the aesthetic of an image.

And they certainly don't talk about all the development labs that went away, or the way that you could have trained to be a studio photographer if you wanted to take good photos of your family to hang on the walls and that digital photography allowed in a parade of amateurs who can make dozens of iterations of the same bad photo until they hit on a good one by sheer volume and luck; if you want to be a good photographer everyone can do that why didn't you train for it and spend a long time taking photos on film and being okay with bad photography don't you know that digital photography drove thousands of people out of their jobs.

My dad told me that he plays with AI the other day. He hosts a movie podcast and he puts up thumbnails for the downloads. In the past, he'd just take a screengrab from the film. Now he tells the Bing AI to make him little vignettes. A cowboy running away from a rhino, a dragon arm-wrestling a teddy bear. That kind of thing. Usually based on a joke that was made on the show, or about the subject of the film and an interest of the guest.

People talk about "well AI art doesn't allow people to create things, people were already able to create things, if they wanted to create things they should learn to create things." Not everyone wants to make good art that's creative. Even fewer people want to put the effort into making bad art for something that they aren't passionate about. Some people want filler to go on the cover of their youtube video. My dad isn't going to learn to draw, and as the person who he used to ask to photoshop him as Ant-Man because he certainly couldn't pay anyone for that kind of thing, I think this is a great use case for AI art. This senior citizen isn't going to start cartooning and at two recordings a week with a one-day editing turnaround he doesn't even really have the time for something like a Fiverr commission. This is a great use of AI art, actually.

I also know an artist who is going Hog Fucking Wild creating AI art of their blorbos. They're genuinely an incredibly talented artist who happens to want to see their niche interest represented visually without having to draw it all themself. They're posting the funny and good results to a small circle of mutuals on socials with clear information about the source of the images; they aren't trying to sell any of the images, they're basically using them as inserts for custom memes. Who is harmed by this person saying "i would like to see my blorbo lasciviously eating an ice cream cone in the is this a pigeon meme"?

The way I use machine-generated art, as an artist, is to proof things. Can I get an explosion to look like this. What would a wall of dead computer monitors look like. Would a ballerina leaping over the grand canyon look cool? Sometimes I use AI art to generate copyright free objects that I can snip for a collage. A lot of the time I use it to generate ideas. I start naming random things and seeing what it shows me and I start getting inspired. I can ask CrAIon for pose reference, I can ask it to show me the interior of spaces from a specific angle.

I profoundly dislike the antipathy that tumblr has for AI art. I understand if people don't want their art used in training pools. I understand if people don't want AI trained on their art to mimic their style. You should absolutely use those tools that poison datasets if you don't want your art included in AI training. I think that's an incredibly appropriate action to take as an artist who doesn't want AI learning from your work.

However I'm pretty fucking aggressively opposed to copyright and most of the "solid" arguments against AI art come down to "the AIs viewed and learned from people's copyrighted artwork and therefore AI is theft rather than fair use" and that's a losing argument for me. In. Like. A lot of ways. Primarily because it is saying that not only is copying someone's art theft, it is saying that looking at and learning from someone's art can be defined as theft rather than fair use.

Also because it's just patently untrue.

But that doesn't really answer your question. Why reblog machine-generated art? Because I liked that piece of art.

It was made by a machine that had looked at billions of images - some copyrighted, some not, some new, some old, some interesting, many boring - and guided by a human and I liked it. It was pretty. It communicated something to me. I looked at an image a machine made - an artificial picture, a total construct, something with no intrinsic meaning - and I felt a sense of quiet and loss and nostalgia. I looked at a collection of automatically arranged pixels and tasted salt and smelled the humidity in the air.

I liked it.

I don't think that all AI art is ugly. I don't think that AI art is all soulless (i actually think that 'having soul' is a bizarre descriptor for art and that lacking soul is an equally bizarre criticism). I don't think that AI art is bad for artists. I think the problem that people have with AI art is capitalism and I don't think that's a problem that can really be laid at the feet of people curating an aesthetic AI art blog on tumblr.

Machine learning isn't the fucking problem the problem is massive corporations have been trying hard not to pay artists for as long as massive corporations have existed (isn't that a b-plot in the shape of water? the neighbor who draws ads gets pushed out of his job by product photography? did you know that as recently as ten years ago NewEgg had in-house photographers who would take pictures of the products so users wouldn't have to rely on the manufacturer photos? I want you to guess what killed that job and I'll give you a hint: it wasn't AI)

Am I putting a human out of a job because I reblogged an AI-generated "photo" of curtains waving in the pale green waters of an imaginary beach? Who would have taken this photo of a place that doesn't exist? Who would have painted this hypersurrealistic image? What meaning would it have had if they had painted it or would it have just been for the aesthetic? Would someone have paid for it or would it be like so many of the things that artists on this site have spent dozens of hours on only to get no attention or value for their work?

My worst ratio of hours to notes is an 8-page hand-drawn detailed ink comic about getting assaulted at a concert and the complicated feelings that evoked that took me weeks of daily drawing after work with something like 54 notes after 8 years; should I be offended if something generated from a prompt has more notes than me? What does that actually get the blogger? Clout? I believe someone said that popularity on tumblr gets you one thing and that is yelled at.

What do you get out of this? Are you helping artists right now? You're helping me, and I'm an artist. I've wanted to unload this opinion for a while because I'm sick of the argument that all Real Artists think AI is bullshit. I'm a Real Artist. I've been paid for Real Art. I've been commissioned as an artist.

And I find a hell of a lot of AI art a lot more interesting than I find human-generated corporate art or Thomas Kincaid (but then, I repeat myself).

There are plenty of people who don't like AI art and don't want to interact with it. I am not one of those people. I thought the gay sex cats were funny and looked good and that shitposting is the ideal use of a machine image generation: to make uncopyrightable images to laugh at.

I think that tumblr has decided to take a principled stand against something that most people making the argument don't understand. I think tumblr's loathing for AI has, generally speaking, thrown weight behind a bunch of ideas that I think are going to be incredibly harmful *to artists specifically* in the long run.

Anyway. If you hate AI art and you don't want to interact with people who interact with it, block me.

[j4m3s-b4k3r]

10 years a LEFTY

After my stroke at the end of 2012, my focus for most of 2013 was on learning how to walk & talk again, and navigating the bureaucracy of disability benefits. By September, I was still very much a mess, but finally wrestled with an issue that had weighed heavily on me the entire time - whether I’d ever draw again. 

Sketching in Golden Gate Park.

Janine Dawson had sent me a sketchbook while I was still in hospital, complete with pre-dated pages. I could not keep to her schedule though. Partly because I had so much physical therapy and became exhausted easily. Also, I was deeply afraid. My clumsy attempts to draw with either hand caused despair. So I focussed instead on the many other things I needed to do. There’d been hope that sensation & motor coordination might return to my right drawing hand eventually, but 9 months later it was still asleep (and in most respects, still is). I finally accepted that my trusty right hand was kaput, and wouldn't draw again. It was a bitter pill to swallow, but only after that acceptance could I train the understudy to go on stage - My LEFT HAND. 

A self-caricature in my wheelchair, 2013.

I drew for its own sake, with absolutely no expectation of ever drawing professionally again. That filled me with sadness, but the idea that I might not draw at all was worse. Drawing was always part of my self-identity. So, Julia & I often drew together. I was painfully slow, but started to enjoy the random quality of my drawings done with my non-dominant hand. Never exactly sure what my LEFT hand would do, I drew in a spirit of exploration, like when I was a child. (I now believe that this open lack of expectations actually set me free). My mobility was even worse than it is now and we often drew paused images from TV, but went location sketching too, starting at the college campus near our apartment.

Sketches of SF State campus, 2013.

Julia had bought me two beautiful leather bound sketchbooks for Christmas 2012 (and I had a stroke the very next day). 2014 was when my drawing had progressed enough to start filling one of them with sketches. I went out sketching with her, or sketchmaster Matt Jones. Unsure of how to earn a living, I often considered what other job I might do.. Be a writer? A teacher? Kevin Richardson helped me explore script writing. Steve Purcell & Derek Thompson called me for a few weeks of story brainstorming. It is hard to overstate how much those first short gigs meant to me. I began to feel useful again. In the first year of my stroke many friends (from many studios) had arranged fundraisers to help with my medical bills, but I was too frail to attend. In 2014, Ben Walker arranged “Bizarro Sketch Night”, where artist friends bid on each other's art, drawn with their non-dominant hands. A fun event that I was able to participate in myself. I'll never forget all these encouragements from my community.

"Bizarro Sketch Night", 2014.

John Hoffman gave me a sketchbook, and in 2015 it was where I began to sketch out a graphic novel. The plan is to incorporate old pages done with my RIGHT hand and new pages done with my LEFT, and for them to be compatible (this art-therapy project continues to this day). Julia encouraged me to start colouring my blog stories digitally (and for Christmas that year, she bought me a new cintiq!) Using Photoshop with one hand was tricky, but the workarounds I learned came in handy when I got my first ever LEFT-handed paid drawing assignment, a cover for Carol Hughes’ book!

2015 projects.

2016 had so many work opportunities that I was taken off disability. My financial safety net was gone, but it was exciting to take the plunge into freelancing as a LEFT handed artist. Again, friends gave me encouragement & chances. Steve Lee got me a brief teaching assignment (at the Academy Of Art). Then Jim Capobianco asked me to storyboard on "MARY POPPINS RETURNS". This was very exciting development for me. It was a long gig, subletting a room in one of the satellite buildings of PIXAR's Emeryville campus, where old colleagues were watching my progress..

"Mary Poppins Returns", 2016.

In 2017, I did LEFTY storyboards for Brad Rau at GHOSTBOT. Soon after,Jonas Rivera suggested I try out storyboarding on a PIXAR project, which became Pete Docter’s "SOUL", and after a few months, that became a staff position. It was wonderful to be working again with my old roomie Rej Bourdages, who’d always supported me in my darkest hours. Keeping up with all the other inspiring drawing geniuses in Emeryville is intimidating for a one-armed old duffer, but is a great way to improve. In 2018 & 2019 my drawing dexterity & speed increased (and with this steady job, I finally paid off my mountain of medical debt). The 2020-2022 pandemic years were ironically a boon. Working from home gave me extra hours (previously sucked-up by my commute) to do more spare time personal projects, where I pushed my LEFTY drawing skills even further.

"SOUL"

"the INVENTOR"

"ELiO"

Animated films worked on since 2017.

It’s been a decade since I began drawing with my non-dominant hand. Every day is still a struggle, but I'm so grateful to be where I am now. On this day in 2013, I had absolutely no hope that I'd ever become a full-time professional cartoonist again. That I actually got here is due to many colleagues, friends & loved ones not only encouraging me to draw, but giving me real professional opportunities to do so.

All throughout this topsy turvy journey, at every low & highpoint, Julia has never lost faith in me. Even though I became a feeble old man overnight, she stayed with me. She understands how important drawing is to me (as it is to her too) and she has always offered encouragement. She has gone out drawing with me. Challenged me, and pushed me to new levels. Her artistry is a constant inspiration. I'm extremely lucky to have her by my side.

I'm profoundly grateful to all of you, who've supported me in so many ways over the past 10 years. You've given me great joy.

Thank you!

[kirbys-pop-culture-junk]

Japanese copy of Danganronpa for the PSP that I bought on the SomethingAwful forums back in like 2013 or so.

I feel like a lot of people my age went through a 4chan phase of their life as almost a rite of passage where they spent at the least a little bit of time on the site, especially in the late 2000s/early 2010s era. As someone who has always been a bit of an old soul, for some reason for me I had a SomethingAwful phase.

I had always been a fan of the weird stuff on the site, especially Photoshop Phriday, the kinds of stuff that a 13/14 year old in 2003/04 probably should not have been looking at. But the forums themselves were always paywalled and something that I never really had much of an interest in going to anyway. All of my forums were retro video game and wrestling message boards and I didn’t feel the need to branch out that badly. It wasn’t until I got a bit older and hit that specific weirdo cynic phase of my life when I was like 18 when boards like SomethingAwful appealed to me.

I became a longtime lurker of the place, including a fan of Retsupurae, the YouTube SA-based series that is now a relic of early YouTube history, before finally purchasing an account, as well as Archives access (for an extra fee you were able to access the entire forum archive, which for a person like me who loves history it meant I could access stuff like posts that got weirdos like TotalBiscuit banned on the site) and started to post, mostly in the Let’s Play, Games, and Food boards. I’m sure you’ve heard about the drama associated with SA and I can safely tell you that yes, even the board that just talked about food and cooking had drama with members and it was honestly always absurdly hilarious. As an internet-lonely early 20s doofus, it was a place to make friends. The last community I was involved with (Detective Conan) had things end on extremely sour notes with some friends while other friends kinda just drifted away, which meant that a lot of the time that I spent online, I was extremely lonely. Using SomethingAwful around the same time that I started heavily using Tumblr meant that I got to see both sides of the infamous Danganronpa Let’s Play Paywall situation. I’m not gonna lie, all the posts getting upset that Lowtax would put the LP Paywall back up whenever a new chapter of the Let’s Play for the game came out used to crack me up, as did seeing all the ways people would circumvent it by even posting god damned screenshots of posts in the thread. I was even there for when slowbeef infamously banned someone for using the phrase “intriguingly moe” to describe a character and let’s be real here, slowbeef was completely in the right.

Being like 23 and having what I thought was disposable income, as a gag I figured I’d buy a copy of the game from the SA Mart from a fellow goon for like $15. It was the only time I ever used the SA Mart to buy anything. I didn’t even have a way to play it, I just thought it was a funny gag as someone who liked the series and characters while also seeing the fandom in the early days of Tumblr Fandoms being a thing go bananas for everything possible about it. I hung out on SA until about early 2015, when a lot of us realized that after having corners of the site that were a dedicated safe haven for people like us, it was getting overtaken by garbage again, so most all of us abandoned ship for the hangout future of Twitch streams, Skype group chats, and of course, Twitter.

When Lowtax committed suicide a few years back, there were a lot of people making self-reflective posts about their own lives on SomethingAwful, and I completely understood why, and even had my own little taken aback moment over being reminded of that period of me life. Lowtax was a genuinely reprehensible human being and even when I was an active user of SA a lot of the forum regulars were well past tired of him and his antics. But people used the site and turned it into something that I don’t think Lowtax had ever wanted it to be. For a large chunk of people now-a-days Online, especially leftist/progressives in their late 20s to mid-to-late 30s, that was where a lot of friends were made. I made some of my longest lasting internet friends on that site, including people that I talk to to this day. I learned *a lot* from the people I met on there, including people who helped me gain new perspectives on things in life. Before becoming a SA Goon, back when I was a lonely post-college dropout living in an entirely new town away from home and away from all my friends I grew up with, I was almost a reclusive outcast, a college liberal dirtbag leftist who watched Bill Maher. People on SA that I met got me to knock all that obnoxious shit off and I don’t even think they realized it.

Even though SomethingAwful was only a footnote of a few years or so of my life, it was definitely one of the biggest moments of my internet life, and maybe one of the times where I went through the most changes as a human being. As a website, it was an awful, awful place full of stupidity (never forget the guy who peed “LET’S PLAY” into the snow) but I can’t ignore the fact that I also made some friends with some very cool people who helped mold me into the person that I am today. And as a shoutout to those people, much love to FutureFriend, TheJayofSpade, DeviousVacuum (you’ll always be DVac to me), Danzel Glovington (maybe the first friend I made on SA. Haven’t spoken to you in years but hope all is well), DazzlynReed (an absolute sweetheart), Metroixer, FreezingInferno, Captain_Duck (one of the first people to give me a chance by having me guest on streams), Color Printer, and ChorpSaway.

Also a funny thing about SomethingAwful is how many new people I meet that as it turns out were on the site at the same time as me despite our paths never crossing. One of my best friends and someone very important to me now is something who was hilariously on the cusp of interacting with me on SA for years and years due to the both of us sharing a lot of the same friends, before we finally began talking barely a few years ago. I constantly kick myself over how I could’ve known her even almost a decade ago and it just never happened!!

This was a lot more than I had anticipated writing and I don’t think I properly conveyed all my thoughts about this period of my life the way I wanted to but I think you will at the least get the gist of it.

[redbelles]

1, 19, and 32 for the gif asks!

1. what are your top three favorite sets you’ve made?

omg this is tough— probably either this daemyra set or this hellcheer set because i'm so pleased with the blending on both, this literati set because it was lots of work but it turned out exactly the way i pictured it, and then this pacific rim set because i will literally never make anything cooler

19. what is your gifting process like?

load files into photoshop. wrestle with coloring. complain to @anyataylorjoy. wrestle some more. maybe complain some more. export files. post to tumblr. look at the likes-reblog ratio and walk into the sea. emerge cold and grumpy and begin the process again.

32. what is your favorite tool/adjustment layer in photoshop?

answered here!

send me some gif asks!

[shadowedmagic]

≛:. to do: add awesomesaurous and artofthestars to credit page

[jungkookienoona]

Total Eclipse Pt5

Recommended Song: The Beginning by ONE OK ROCK

|Chapters|Masterlist|

Summary:

After a fateful day in an Egyptian tomb, things have never been the same for Jungkook, or you, after a certain vengeful god decided to make him its fist.

Genre: Angst, Actiony, Romance, F2L UWU

Pairing: Moon Knight!Jungkook X Reader (Y/N)

Warnings: Swearing, Violence, Blood, Death of Major and Minor Characters. Body Horror. Talk of what its like to die. SMUT.

Word Count: 1430

Note:Jungkook will not be having DID in this fic. Khonshu has had many avatars over the millenia and I’m pretty sure Marc is the only one that has DID. Although there will be some slight overlap between Marc and Jungkook such as mercenary work.

I apologise for my shitty photoshop, my partner who does freelance design tried to help. Needless to say photoshoping is hard. In fact other than Jungkook, my partner did this whole little banner.

You woke with a start thanks to Jungkook's angry shout of:

"Fuck!"

You looked around and he wasn't in the bedroom. In fact he sounded like he was downstairs. You rifled through the draws and threw on a baggy t-shirt and a pair of boxers before making your way down. You padded around until you found him in the kitchen, knuckles white from how tightly he gripped the counter. He was shaking.

"Kook, you okay?"

He shook his head, "I have to go. Khonshu said Harrow is up to something. Something that could endanger every living soul."

Your brows furrowed and you moved to comfort him, hand resting on his shoulder, "Where do we have to go?"

"We? Y/N, I can't have you in that kind of danger again."

"Yes, we. Where you go, I go. We're a package deal whether you like it or not. So, where does Khonshu want us?"

He sighed and pushed a hand through his hair, "Egypt."

The air seemed to turn stale. You hadn't thought you'd be returning to the country so soon. Maybe in a couple of years after having time to wrestle with your grief and trauma. But if lives were on the line, you were willing to fuck up your recovery schedule.

"Okay then, any idea what he's doing there?"

"He's searching for a banished goddess. Ammit the Devourer. According to Khonshu, she's entombed somewhere not even the gods know but Harrow got his hands on an ancient compass type thing that leads the way to it. So he has a head start on us."

You took a moment to process what you heard before responding, "I still have some contacts with local dig teams in various cities. If Harrow is finding a lost tomb he's going to need trained locals with the correct equipment."

"So that gets us where?"

"It'll give us an opportunity to catch up. If I find the team's headquarters we can 'volunteer' as an extra pair of hands."

Jungkook sagged and gave you a weak smile, "I guess you’re the brains,” he kissed your forehead, “and I'm the brawn."

"Damn right, you book us a flight, I've got some phone calls to make.”

You made your way back upstairs to find your phone in your discarded clothes.

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Jungkook ducked his head into the bedroom where you had been making various phone calls. You had managed to locate the team Harrow was using and, using a fake name, they gladly accepted your offer to volunteer. 

“I’ve gotten us a flight to Cairo booked for about two hours from now. Care to follow me down to the basement?”

You looked at him quizzically, “What’s in the basement?”

“Stuff. Just come with me please.”

You butt shuffled to the edge of the bed, stood and followed him down to the basement. What you saw there took your breath away. A statue of Khonshu was against the back wall, around it were crates overflowing with various artefacts, ones you had last seen in a certain temple.

“Kinda. He said I would need this stuff so I had his blessing really. I’ll return it all when he retires me.”

“Jungkook, did you loot Khonshu’s temple?!”

“How did you even get them here?”

“Y/N, I was a merc. I have connections too and not necessarily savoury ones at that.”

You groaned and rubbed your face, as an archaeologist, this was your worst nightmare.

“Anyway this stuff isn’t what I bought you down here for.” He walked over to a box, not a crate, and searched through it, “ah, there it is.” He got up and turned to you, a kevlar vest in his hands. “If you’re insistent on coming with me, you’re gonna need armour. Sadly I don’t have a secondary ceremonial suit so this is the best I can provide you. Oh, and I’ll give you one of my guns too, not gonna have you defenceless.” 

You took the vest from him and stared at it. If he had worn this six months ago, would you even be in this situation? Most likely yes because Isaac would’ve just aimed somewhere else. Like maybe his thigh like Isaac did to you. Or maybe he would’ve dispatched Jungkook quicker with a headshot. You shook those thoughts out of your head, no point dwelling on the past.

“We better get ready to go, we’re going to have to pack light I guess. You better let me look through all this stuff when we get back.”

“Of course, baby, I don’t even know what half this shit is because unlike you and Big Bird, I can’t read hieroglyphics.”

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Turns out Jungkook had called in a favour to get you a non-commercial plane to Cairo. It was hot, no longer used to the heat you felt you were going to melt under the sun, especially with the kevlar vest between layers. It would be a lie to say you weren’t nervous, you did all you could to not look it though as a jeep pulled up to the airstrip to collect you. They were locals so you didn’t have to worry about them knowing you. If it had been Harrow’s men that would have been a different story.

The ride to the excavation site made your stomach twist and turn because you knew that when you arrived you would be recognised. That violence would break out and these civilians would get caught in the crossfire. You needed to think of a way to minimise casualties. You just hoped you got there in time. 

“Hey,” You whispered to Jungkook, getting his attention, “can you call the suit during the day?”

“Yeah, luckily it's not tied to a day-night cycle.”

You nodded, a little relieved, “we have to keep as many of these people safe as possible. Keep the fight away from them.”

Jungkook hummed in agreement.

Discreetly, you checked your gun, finger off the trigger. The safety was off and the barrel loaded already.  This time you’d make sure not to hesitate, a mistake you wouldn’t be making again.

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The jeep pulled up outside the excavation site, you saw the entrance to the tomb had been cleared. Shit, that meant they were already in. You jumped out, swiftly followed by Jungkook who called forth the suit immediately. In reaction, the locals quite rightly drove away, frightened. Well that was one way to keep them safe.

“If this was built to trap a goddess… we’re gonna have to tread carefully. Follow my lead, Kook.”

You held up your gun, at the ready as you entered. Slowly, carefully, you crept through the hall until you got to what appeared to be the centre of a maze. Looking around you wracked your brain for a meaning to it. You noted the possible exits and how the halls beyond them seemed to curve.

“I think I know what’s going on here, but just in case I’m wrong, can you ask Khonshu if he knows?”

“It’s the eye of Horus. I shall show you the way, little starling.”

Oh, you guess he didn’t need to talk through Jungkook. But it was confirmation you were correct. Jungkook took the lead, as he was the only one that could see the god. Apparently these gods existed in a separate dimension and only their avatars could see them. So yet again, gods were aliens.

You came to another room, hieroglyphics covering the walls and took a moment to decipher them.

“I uh, don’t want to freak you out, but I think we’re going to encounter some uh, underdead guardians-” Gunfire cut you off and you both turned in the direction it came from. “And that sounds like the way not to go.”

You watched Jungkook look off into the corner of the room and, after a second, nod. 

“Khonshu says there’s another exit up there,” he pointed to a ledge you hadn't spotted before wrapping an arm around your waist and jumping up onto it. 

You would never get used to his strength, you were disorientated for a moment but Jungkook took your arm leading the way. Both of you failed to notice the shadowy figures that scuttled the walls behind you until it was too late. Something gripped your other arm and snatched you away as the other tackled Jungkook to the ground. You went to scream out but something cold scratched across your throat. Your blood spilled forth, drenching your neck.

Just like Jungkook had described to you the night before, you faded away so quickly. The last thing you heard was his anguished cry.

“Y/N!”

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Note: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

This work of fiction is copyright © JungkookieNoona and protected under UK and international law. All rights reserved. Any unauthorised broadcasting, copying or reposting will constitute an infringement of copyright.

[writingquestionsanswered]

Tattoo Shop AU - a quick, practical guide for writers

Guest Post by lebanon-hangover

lebanon-hangover said: this is based on my personal experience with the industry only, so depending on the era and country you are portraying, it may not be 100% accurate for your setting.

Hygiene

It may not be obvious at first glance, but most tattooists are clean freaks. We work with human blood every day, and we get clients from all ages, ethnic and social economic backgrounds, with all sorts of medical conditions.

We usually mop frequently, bleach the sinks, wipe down everything, and use cling film or bags to wrap everything. I mean fucking everything. We also scrub in, and sanitise the area on the person we work on.

Needles are collected in a sharps bin, and handled very carefully. Medical waste goes in yellow bags, and both are collected by a professional service.

Used ink caps may look full, but the ink gets diluted by blood. Like you dip the inky needle into the person, but you also dip the person’s blood into your ink. These are medical waste too.

Cleaning up must be done promptly after the session. Bin everything disposable, put things through the ultrasonic and the autoclave, and sanitise the area. We may take machines apart, but more for maintenance than cleaning, sometimes we swap parts in them too.

We have two sinks, one for hand washing, one for cleaning.

All inks and needles have use by dates.

The internal dynamics of a studio

Depending on the country, some tattoo shops tend to have ties to biker gangs, and some of those internal dynamics and unwritten rules are often present.

There’s a pecking order and it’s dead serious. Basically the longer you’ve been in a shop, the higher ‘rank’ you are, you get the better positioned stations, first pick of walk-ins, etc (Unless the client is asking for someone by name). Regardless of your actual experience in the industry, like if you move into your old apprentice’s shop, they are still senior to you. If the owner or their partner is an artist, obviously they are on top of the chain by default.

We are self employed, but we have a boss. You are only making money if you are working, but you still have set work hours.

We get paid by the clients, and we pay the studio a cut. In return, there are some items provided by them, and some we buy for ourselves. Usually the chairs, tattoo beds, gloves, cleaning products, clip cord covers, masks, aprons, ink caps, vaseline, green soap, and some basic ink is provided by the shop. We buy our own machines, arm rests, stations, pedals, power supplies, clipcords, tips and grips, needles, special colours, stencil fluid…these are a personal preference, and often depend on the artists’ style.

We totally ask to try out each other’s equipment sometimes, or ask for a certain type of needle if we ran out.

The receptionist is usually just one of us, maybe a piercer, but it also can be a hired person in top studios.

The apprentice in the traditional system is often mistreated, and they have to pay for their education, have to be there multiple days a week and don’t make any money. It’s kind of like a tear them down, build them back up again thing to see if they are really serious about the job. Times are slowly changing, but 99% of them will always need a second job. Most of them are working as bar staff.

When you open a new studio, you must visit all the existing local ones and introduce yourself, otherwise you may get a brick through the window. Otherwise there’s not much beef among individual artists, they are often friends, go to conventions together and party after, etc.

The Artists

Tattooing is a fairly physical job, stretching skin is very important. We have to also keep our clients safely still, so we often use positions to pin them down a bit. Sometimes you hit a reflex point on the foot or under a knee, and you don’t want to get kicked. Sometimes you have to pull away super fast, cos they are sneezing, yawning or giggling.

Most tattooists drink a lot of coffee, tea or energy drinks.

Some people are all rounders, some have specific styles, but we recognise each other’s art styles. Sometimes we delegate work to each other, if we think our coworkers style fits the concept better. For example if there’s a person who does script well, we give them those projects.

We don’t like when people come in with designs from other artists. Art theft is frowned upon, and we work best with our own drawings.

Most apprentices practice on their own legs, and sometimes we tattoo each other when it’s quiet. Most people have cover ups, or bad pieces from their early days. The artists’ own tattoos sometimes are in a different style than what they do, but we like to collect ink from friends or colleagues we admire.

In the first 1-2 years one is an apprentice, then junior artist. At 5-8 years of tattooing, you have earned your stripes and are considered an experienced artist.

Conventions are really fun, but can be stressful. You can make good money working at one, and sometimes get awarded for it too. We can also spend a lot at a convention.

Sometimes we poke our fingers by accident, and it’s a scary thing. Good case scenario is just some random dots on your fingers. Let’s not go into the bad case scenario.

We do guest spots sometimes, just to meet new clients, and change it up a bit.

We spend a lot of time drawing up things, and designs are meant to fall on specific muscles, stretch with the skin a certain way, so they are tailored to the body proportions of the client. A good tattoo is also an optical illusion, complimenting the body shape.

Social media presence is like a second job, you need good photos, and you need to market yourself.

Tattoo ink does not wash out, so some stains are inevitable when pouring it out. Those ink bottles get stuck so easily, and we wrestle them a lot. We try to avoid it, but wearing all dark colours is a thing for a reason.

The Clients

Tattooists need to have a good ‘bedside manners’ too. We get nervous or self conscious people, and we are told personal things during long sessions. For example scar coverups and memorial pieces can be very emotional.

We have pretty good poker faces and first aid trainings. People can faint, get shaky, throw up, some have seizures, have b.o., get sweaty, etc the same way as at a blood donation event? It’s no big deal really. We sit them down, give them some water and some sugar, and re-book them if necessary. Most artists keep some wet wipes, mouth wash, deodorant, sweets, maybe even some clean clothes at work, just in case.

If someone comes in with a wild idea for a jobstopper, we would sit down and have a long talk. If they haven’t got many tattoos, we usually try to stir them towards more safe choices, offering them creative ideas. It’s like those jedi mind tricks sometimes.

If someone is undecided, we show them our own hand drawn flash sheets. Once its gone, its gone tho, we don’t use the designs twice.

Pinterest is full of photoshopped fake tattoos, some that won’t even work as real ink. Many people also touch up their work digitally on photos, so some clients have really unrealistic expectations.

We can totally tell if someone is intoxicated or hangover. It thins the blood, and they bleed out the ink, and it’s super annoying. if it’s bad, they will be sent home and rebooked.

Some folks are self conscious about body hair, their size, stretch marks and scars. Chances are, we have seen similar, and we aren’t bothered by it, because it’s work. Surgery scars, scars from accidents, self harm scars, burns, we see it all the time. We shave some really hairy dudes all the time girl, your legs are fine. Seriously. If something makes tattooing you dangerous we will tell you.

Fit, muscular people are harder to tattoo because they are really firm. Its a workout for us.

Everyone gets midnight messages about the aftercare from nervous clients, and drunken booty calls about getting inked right at this second. We have copy paste replies…

We get creeps sometimes. Stalking, weird conversations, tmi info dumps etc.

Other things to include (for fun, or for plot reasons)

We sometimes have those “oh fuck” moments. We all do, but mistakes can be fixed, and we play it cool.

Tattooing takes time. Usually 30 minutes to multiple sessions though years and years.

Healing tattoos takes about 2-4ish weeks, and your characters shouldn’t go roll around in dirt, sunbathe, swim, pick at the scabs. Nasty infections, and messed up tattoos would be the results.

If you have a strong immune system, and you get a lot of work done in one sitting, you may get a brief bit of a temperature. It’s normal, and will go away.

Its a lot easier to get seriously drunk after getting a tattoo. Be careful.

We sometimes draw on each other for practice with our marker pens.

Tattoos are inside the skin, not on top of it. Imagine a low opacity, skin toned layer over the ink, adding to the healed tattoos’ colour. Please stop making your characters skin fully transparent.

Heavy blackwork and palms are done in multiple sessions.

You can’t cover up moles, because if they develop skin cancer, the dermatologist can’t see the signs.

There’s a stereotype about piercers having blacked out sleeves.

Stencil fluid looks just like cum.

You get that annoying itch on your face when you scrubbed in, put on gloves and finally ready to go.

Some artists have a strong preference for coil or rotary machines, and they bicker about it a lot. Coils are louder, more punchy, and more traditional, perfect for lineart. They can be customised, and they last forever. They are also called glorified doorbells by people who prefer rotaries. Rotary machines are smoother, lighter, and often use needles that are pulled back into the cartridges for safety. They are better for shading and delicate line work. Older tattooists often say they are dildo or butt plug shaped, overly delicate and are for “soft millennials” only.

Every artist owns like 5 to 20 machines, and they have specific machine builders they are loyal to.

The “which cable is broken and cutting out” guessing game. Clip cords and pedal cables get worn out easily, and that results in your machine running really jerky.

Walk-in always show up 10 minutes before closing.

We often look quite silly at work. Sleeves rolled up, folks use all sorts of plastic ppe, headlamps, and we tie up our hair. Add couple of purple smears from carbon paper, and we aren’t scary at all.

[soulrph]

So. This is something I desperately dunno what to do, but I saw you accept questions soooo... What's your tips for getting people to follow and write with you on Tumblr? I've never wrote here, I'm on Twitter primarily but I'm really scared because this is a whole new environment and I'm seeing a LOT of different things - Icons, promos, tags. . . It's a lot to take in for a newcomer. Much less to the Dead By Daylight RPC - Much less as an OC writer. Probably don't help I'm stuck on a phone as I don't have a computer. . . Tips for making friends or getting follows/interactions??? I know I'm repeating this but god, I'm scared because a lot of blogs here I peeked at are intimidating me with "selective" and stuff thrown everywhere...

hello my love!! okay, i'm gonna start by just. god, congratulating you, i guess, because tumblr is terrifying. like it's the most nerve wracking experience for people who haven't written here before!! so well done for reaching out, bc it's so so easy to bottle it up out of fear of people reacting badly, and i can promise you, anyone who reacts badly is NOT someone you want to be friends with. we've all experienced everything you're going through, and for someone to sneer at others for being brave and sensible enough to ask for help? we don't vibe with that.

now! i'm gonna be boring for a second and add a few handy definitions here, okay? okay!

selective: they only write with mutuals.

semi-selective: they write with mutuals, but also if a non mutual wants to send them a few things, they might respond.

highly selective: they only write with mutuals and they're very selective about who they become mutuals with

mutuals: someone that you follow who follows you also.

promos: promos are just banners that you reblog in order to find new followers. they have your url, maybe links to a rules page or bio, a cool quote maybe? again, not essential, but if you like using them, go for it! many people can commission you one if you don't fancy wrestling with photoshop!

tags: literally tags are just the hashtags you add at the bottom. see that little # button? that's where you throw in some tags! it's not very vital, but people usually put in the url of their writing partner, or any potentially triggering content in there. lots of people have special tags just to help them find their replies and wishlist stuff and all the rest!

triggers: basically any content that might trigger a strong negative response from someone. a few basic triggers that i always tag are guns, hospitals, blood. if they're visual or written, just hop them into a tag so new followers can blacklist them!

icons: icons are absolutely not necessary, but if you want to use them, they're basically screenshots of your character's fc that you crop down to a specific size, and you can change the lighting and stuff in photoshop! many people are starting to no longer use them though, so it's entirely up to you whether or not you wanna use them!

now. here's the main thing. this site is challenging on many levels. if you scroll through my rp advice tags, you'll find a lot of people who encounter these challenges and need advice or help in overcoming them. the most important thing is that you know you're not alone. everyone, including you, is always welcome to send me a message! but there will be good days and bad days with this site.

my best advice would be to make a post, introduce yourself, then ask if people might like to plot or chat with you! in your tags, put in things like "oc rp" or "dead by daylight rp". it DOES get easier, but it's like when a baby learns to walk. you'll trip over a lot, you might feel like you're crawling, you'll need a group of people there to help you along the way. but one day you'll be sailing through this! you'll be offering ME advice before you know it!

i hope this is helpful, and as always, if there's more i can do, feel free to shoot me a DM or an ask! i might be a bit late replying, but i'll be around as time and energy and schedules allow!

[actlikeyoudidntdoit]

ASSASSIN’S MODERN DAY PROFESSIONS

—————————————————

ALTAÏR

College Professor

-We all know that Altaïr has spent most of his life teaching, so what better job does he have than a college professor?

-He knows what he’s talking about, that much is certain, but sometimes he gets a little too lost in his lesson to realize that his students are scratching their heads. So it’s normal to have students staying after class, but they leave understanding every word of what he said.

-He’s not the fun teacher, but he’ll be able to teach you what you need and still remember it at the end of the day.

-He’s pretty lenient, and even with the obnoxious students who cause a scene, he calmly gets them to at least do their work.

-Other teachers always use him as a reference when it comes to the perfect teacher.

EZIO AUDITORE

-I can see Ezio being a public speaker since he’s not all that scared of crowds and spends a lot of time giving advice, so I think he’d really enjoy being able to help a crowd of people whose lives are falling apart

-Ezio would be the single anchor in a sea of storms because he always seems to have an answer for everything. He’s a man whose words are turned into inspirational quotes that people hang on their walls.

-When he says that things will be okay, no one doubts him since they know that he lost his father and his brothers very early on and that it took years for Ezio to accept the loss the way he had. If he could soldier through it, why couldn’t they?

-He doesn’t involve himself in politics, finding them to be a waste of time and breath despite how many people ask for his input on the political status of the country he’s staying in.

-He speaks to a lot of people in private, letting them speak their minds and giving his advice if they want it. He’s a therapist without a license, and you always feel hopeful about life leaving his office.

Connor

Construction or Sports

-This boy was designed for heavy work, and I’ve heard some good points in saying that not only would he be amazing at sports, but he’d also really enjoy it too.

-In my personal headcanon, I think he’d be a good construction worker as well. Not the high end kind that build skyscrapers or anything, but I can see him building simple houses for small communities, taking the lower jobs that can’t afford much help like the sweetheart he is. He definitely volunteers to make houses for the homeless.

-Since most of the homeless he helps don’t have much money, he makes sure to offer them baked goods because he’s definitely a baker.

Edward Kenway

-As a young man, he joins the navy

-Once he’s on his own, he buys his own boat and treats it like royalty.

-He’s not a pirate himself, but he does let less legal people on board for a price. At the time, it was just an easy cash pay since people paid good money when they were desperate.

-When he’s older and gets a grip on some of the people he’s helping (like the REALLY bad criminals) he quickly lets it go.

-Yet after seeing some of the more decent people and the places they were running from, I can see him being a sort of smuggler, but instead of smuggling drugs or weapons, he sells medicines, canned foods, and clothes to the regions where they’re scarce or hard to pay for.

-When he’s older and found a fortune over time, he starts up his own official charity, hiring various sailers to sail supplies to more places than he himself could alone.

SHAY CORMAC

-Okay, I have to say it. Shay would DEFINITELY be an FBI spy. Maybe I haven’t thought of it as heavily as I could, but he just strikes me as a man who could kill someone in plain sight and still not be seen.

-He already knows everything he can about infiltrating and getting vital information

-He knows exactly how to manipulate people to get what he wants.

-He’s like Macgyver but as an agent.

-He does things that make sleeping at night impossible, but he tells himself that every long night for him is another person somewhere else having a peaceful night, and peaceful nights means he’s doing his job. Right?

-Constantly questions his morals, but he can’t bring himself to stop, not knowing that he’d do if he stopped, because at least here he’s doing something. He’s contributing.

-That and maybe I might or might not want to see Shay in a suit 🤷‍♀️

AVELINE

-Actress. And a damn good one. She’s one of the kind of people who get paid millions each job and gives most of her cash on people who really need it. Not only that, she’s a fan favorite everywhere.

-She takes extra jobs in smaller businesses barely staying afloat, and public morality boosts has nothing to do with it. In fact, she keeps her fame life out of everything, choosing to see it just as another job.

-I can see her sharing similarities of Zendaya or Zoe Zaldana

ARNO DORIAN

-High school teacher or actor, I can’t decide.

-Because let’s be honest, this guys brain is more wrinkled than a raisin. He knows his stuff.

-He’s good at simplifying what he’s saying, and that happens to be a very useful trait when it comes to teaching.

-If he was a teacher, he’d be a damn good one, that’s for sure. No one will fail his class because he’s so good at explaining things, and he’d be the one who actually cares for his students.

-When it comes to acting... just admit that Arno’s a theater boy through and through. If you need proof, he’s the only one with a crazy amount of fancy robes and colors. FOR GODS SAKE HE OWNS A THEATER! So on modern day, I could totally see him as an actor as well.

-He’d be the Ewan Mcgregor of the modern day, because everyone recognizes him from SOMEWHERE because he’s really tested his acting ability on multiple various roles. Well read, charming, and level headed, he’d totally rock being an actor. He’s good friends with Aveline, and when they both have time in their busy schedules, they stop by for coffee and fill each other in on their life.

JACOB

-Boxing

-I saw the photoshops of Jacob in boxer life, and I have not been the same because oh my god that is amazing.

-but absolutely he’d be a boxer. He’s the shortest guy in the entire match, but he doesn’t need a stool to knock you on your ass before you can laugh about it.

-His opponents are lucky shattering bones is against the rules because he knows how to make someone wish their dad wore a condom.

-A lot of people think that his rounds must be rigged, and his sister had to physically hold him back every time Jacob threatened to give him a close up of how ‘rigged’ his fights were.

-Jacobs a powder keg, so it doesn’t take much to make him explode, and a lot of the less respectful people he has to fight picks particularly sore spots to do just that.

-He might be pissed, but his punch isn’t the only thing that stings. He knows exactly what words to use, and when they’ve gone too far, he doesn’t hold back.

-Might have a temper, but he has a good heart despite it all. He visits schools and completely turns his personality around with kids. He signs autographs, takes pictures, and makes sure that every one of them have a fun day because he knows that there’s some kids in this school that don’t have those kinds of days. He pays the school for field days each time, making sure they all get out. They bring out the scooters, parachutes, capture the flag, and ‘wrestling’ matches for the kids who want to face him. He loses every time. He never has a bigger smile on his face than when he has children fans walk up to him.

EVIE

-She is totally a lawyer and you can’t change my mind.

-Logic and Facts are her strongest weapons, and so far she has yet to lose a debate.

-Every other lawyer knows that seeing Evie walk into court is an instant death sentence, because like her brother, her words are sharp as a knife and her mind is even sharper.

-If they didn’t look identical, no one would believe that she would be related with Jacob the hot headed boxer, because she was level as water and was near impossible to make angry, but god help the poor sod that presses her.

-Her clients almost always get the best case scenario with Evie by their side by how good she is.

-Also like her brother, children are her weak spot, and her hard composure melts whenever she needs to speak to a child in the witness post, making sure that the child feel comfortable unlike the others that drill the kid with questions when they’re too skittish to answer. She takes her time and gets the kid feeling safe, and gently asks their side.

-Evie might not do it as a profession, but Evie has beaten Jacob in the boxing ring in the gym. She knows damn well how to handle herself, knowing she’d need it since she’d be fighting corrupt politicians or gang members who have too often tried attempts at her life. Every time she emerged unscathed, using the attempt at even more evidence against them and insuring a spot in jail. No one dared try attacking her again after that.

BAYEK

-I’m thinking police officer or motivational speaker for trauma.

-Either way, he’s a guardian who takes care of the people he’s in charge of. He knows words well, and having been down the dark path himself, he knows exactly what people experience and what they want to hear.

-Be the change you want to see in the world, and that’s exactly what he’s doing.

-He’d be a well respected officer, and he’s not afraid of telling off a comrade if someone is wrongfully accused. He’s not very popular in the police station, but as long as he’s doing his job, he’s satisfied.

-He’s saved several people over the course in his life, and his word is well honored since he’s on no ones side. He sees things as what they are and doesn’t twist events he disagreed with to his point of view. Even if it hurts him personally, he doesn’t lie.

-He’s divorced, but they’re still best friends with each other and visit when they can.

AYA (ran out of gifs. Sorry)

-She is hands down a self defense teacher for women

-She sells hidden self defense tools for less than ten dollars, always sure to keep constantly supply of them since many have confessed that they’ve saved them from dangerous situations.

-Like her former husband, she’s a protector and makes sure she provides her students with the best.

-She teaches children what to do if they ever get grabbed, and she’s had many parents in years thanking her when that information ended up saving their child’s life.

ALEXIOS

-Hands down he is a stunt double

- Preferably Arno’s since he relies more on flexibility than brute strength. Then there’s the fact that they look similar enough in features

-He does the moves that would probably be safer if they were just CGI, but he hates those computers with a passion, preferring to do the real thing instead of giving out something fake. He’s broken more bones than he can count, and the companies he works with always have a medic on standby when something goes wrong.

-They tried convincing him that they only needed him for a few spots, but after realizing that he wanted this (and him assuring them that he doesn’t bother with suing), they let him do his thing. The results are fruitful since the most nitpicky movie fans are absolutely thrilled when there’s a particular move done right.

-He teaches Arno a good few things about how to do action scenes, and they’re definitely good friends.

KASSANDRA

-Roller Derby

-She lives for throwing people and smacking them without being judged for it, so the Derby’s her safe spot.

-Everyone on the opposing team is terrified of her, always scared when they see her devilish smile, knowing that they’re about to get their asses handed to them. Like her brother, she’s an adrenaline junky, and when she’s not doing the derby, she’s going off into car races in a water trench. She’s surprisingly very good with cars too, knowing the inside and out of a car like the back of her hand.

-She loves it when men try to catcall her. It gives her a perfect opportunity to punch them in the face.

-She loves the races themselves because no one expects it. Sometimes she pretends to act like a beginner and absolutely slaughter them, giving them a nice wink before driving out with her cash.

-Only has a soft spot for the girl who visits her on weekends. She’s practically her older sister, and there will be hell to pay if her favorite kid gets hurt in any way.

EIVOR

-BACA(Bikers Against Child Abuse)

-The moment I saw this, I instantly thought about them.

-they would absolutely be a part of this

-Looking all badass in leather while turning into a softie for children? That’s Eivors entire character right there.

-Eivors not afraid to get physical with an abuser. They’d beat the abuser to a pulp and right after take the child out for ice cream.

-No one messes with Eivor, knowing that their lenience was stretched only for children. Anyone else tried to pressure her? Your teeth would be shattered and they’d wear the bits for a necklace.

-Children are much more brave around them because they’re tougher than their parent and on their side, so they’re not afraid to give them to the police

[walks-the-ages]

*takes a deep breath*

*screams in Doctor Who Series 14 by Russel T Davies*

(spoilers for the "Rose" Novelization by Russel T Davies, written in 2018, 13 years after Doctor Who s1e1 "Rose" first aired. I Implore you to read the entire novel!)

Rose brought him back to the first photograph, a shot of an old man with white hair and a black cape, standing in the street in front of some sort of metal tank. She asked, ‘What’s that thing?’

‘A War Machine,’ said Clive. He took a deep breath and said as fast as he could, in case she laughed, ‘Killer tanks built by an evil supercomputer hidden inside the Post Office Tower, which invented the internet. I mean the supercomputer invented the internet, not the tower. Obviously.’

Rose sighed. ‘You don’t really believe that stuff, do you?’

But Clive rushed on, and Rose felt awful; she could see how many times he’d been mocked.

He pointed out Doctor after Doctor. There was a little man with a Beatles mop of hair outside an antique shop.

A man with a fabulous grey bouffant standing next to a small silver hovercraft.

That man in the long scarf again, too small to be seen in detail because he was dwarfed by a silly forced-perspective puppet monster rising out of the Thames.

A rather hot blond man at Heathrow.

A curly-haired man clearly on his way to a fancy-dress party dressed as a picnic.

A World War II photo of a short man with an umbrella running with some soldiers.

A dashing, Byronic man at the opening of some atomic clock thing.

And then, him! The Doctor. Her Doctor. Wrestling with … a pterodactyl?

‘Well that’s the one, that’s my Doctor,’ said Rose. ‘But that photo makes him look stupid. Did you do that? With Photoshop?’

‘No, but hold on. Before we stop, you should see the whole thing,’ said Clive, exasperated. ‘He’s not the final Doctor in the sequence, have a look at this next one.’

‘I can’t keep Mickey waiting forever,’ said Rose.

Clive wittered on, saying something about a man with two suits, brown and blue, but she ignored him, distracted by the pterodactyl. She looked closer. There was a small mark on the Doctor’s cheek. Strange. It was exactly like the cut he’d got today, just a few hours back, from the broken glass in her living room. This looked like the same scar.

But the photograph was crumpled and bent at the corners, it must’ve been taken years ago.

Chance, she thought. Coincidence.

And she realised the kettle had clicked off with no sign of a cuppa as she returned her focus to Clive, who was closing the next file and shoving a new one forwards.

‘And how about this one?’ said Clive. ‘He’s more your age.’

Rose saw a photo of a man with a fantastic jaw, dressed in a tweed jacket and bow tie.

Then Clive kept the sequence going; an older, angry man in a brown caretaker’s coat, holding a mop; a blonde woman in braces running away from a giant frog in front of Buckingham Palace; a tall, bald black woman wielding a flaming sword; a young girl or boy in a hi-tech wheelchair with what looked like a robot dog at their side …

‘All right,’ said Rose. ‘I get it, they might be secret agents or whatever. Under the same codename, okay. But I’m only interested in my Doctor.’

‘Yes, yes, yes’ said Clive, hurrying to fetch a box-file labelled 09. ‘Let’s focus on yours. Because now it gets tricky.’

‘Oh good.’

[celebritytgcaptions]

Requests (5/23/2021)

Hi lovelies! I’ve been getting so many requests & I’m working hard to get all of them in the queue. Thanks for sending them my way! I’m writing to let you know that the queue is now full until the end of June. I was able to get every requests from my May 8th post in there except for a few. Requests from May 8th for captions featuring Katy Perry, Jenna Fischer, Marisol Nichols, Addison Rae, Ariana Grande, Erin Kellyman, Taylor Swift, Billie Eilish, Jhene Aiko, & Kirstin Maldonado will be posted in early July.

But there have been an absolute ton of requests since then too, yay! So I’m listing all the requests that I haven’t gotten to below. If you made a request but don’t see it below that might be for a few reasons. 1) I’ve written it already and it will be posted in June. 2) It’s one of the requests I posted on May 8th so I won’t talk about it here. 3) I considered it a demand not a request (for example, I received two that said “Anything with,” that wasn’t really a request just telling me to do it. Sorry if this bothers some of you but it is an issue with me so make sure you word your requests AS requests). Either way, thanks for the love, lovelies! :D

Anonymous said:

Could you do one with either Kelley O’hara or Alex Morgan from the USWNT about a guy soccer player watching the US win the world cup and then want to be them or something like that?

I actually know who both those are (shockingly enough, I don’t really follow sports) so sure thing!

Anonymous said:

Could you do lorengrey captions? She’s so hot

Sorry sweetie, don’t know who that is. :(

Anonymous said:

Hi I just had an idea for a game you could do. It could be where someone has to say as a boy what they’re like physically in stages. So first stage is hair color for example, second stage could be height, third stage could be body type, etc. An example would be if I was a black hair, short height, thick body type, I would match up with someone like Nicki Minaj. Just an idea which you could extend on. Hopefully it makes sense. I appreciate you!

I actually have a game like this mapped out called “Build a Sissy” where you choose age, hair color, and bra size, but it would take a LOT of work to make so I haven’t written it yet. Maybe some day though. :)

Anonymous said:

I would love to see a Tori Kelly caption. Her hair and body are not typical but beautiful for a white girl. I say that last sentence respectfully. I think having a caption with her would be great

Sure thing! Tori Kelly is a cutie. :)

Anonymous said:

Ok I'm not sure if u'll know these 2 cuz even I had to look them up for the names but anne dudek and maitland ward theyre the 2 blonde sisters from white chicks not sure if uve seen it but if u can could u make a caption for them please?

I DO know who they are! I’ve been thinking about doing a White Chicks caps because there’s a lot of cute looks in that movie (especially for Busy Phillips who I just love) so sure thing!

Anonymous said:

Could u do Yvette nicole brown from community? Id like to see some big girl love

Sure thing!

Anonymous said:

I already know that this request is probably gonna be a No but I still have to ask whats the ruling on GCI enhanced celebrities like Taylor swift from Cats?  Or is that too much like "Furry" stuff. Now I'm Feeling this will be a No for multiple reasons

So it is not an issue with CGI “enhanced” celebrities but for Cats it is because I do not have a Furry fetish and I get uncomfortable thinking about writing caps for it. But I write caps with “manips” all the time (photoshopped images of celebs) so I’m not ruling out CGI enhanced celebs all together.

Anonymous said:

Can you do one of Lindsey stirling? And for the story can it be a guy trying to learn Violin but he cant seem to focus he even tried hot female teachers but it didnt work then he gets a male teacher than he starts focusing and wanting to please the teacher he becomes a sissy sorry its a long request

Sounds fun, sure thing!

Anonymous said:

Hi big fan and I think you’ve been doing amazing work. Is there anyway you could do a story about a guy who loses a bet to sorority girl and is forced to get his nails painted and turned into a girl? I love the idea of having a boys nails painted against his will. I’d love one with Selena Gomez but if you think another celeb would be better I leave that cumpletely to you.

Totally! This sounds fun. :D

Anonymous said:

Can you do thelma and Louise?

I’m assuming you mean Geena Davis & Susan Sarandon from Thelma & Louise so yes. Yes I can. :)

Anonymous said:

Can you do a caption from the movie bridesmaids? Like when theyre all trying on dressess or something?

I haven’t seen Bridesmaids (I know I know) but I can try something. :)

Anonymous said:

it would be super cool if you could do some more games! They’re my fav

Glad you like them! As long as I’m not on hiatus, games will be posted every second Saturday. I’ve already got two set for June. :)

Anonymous said:

Hey huge fan of your recent work and super excited about new caps!! Do you think you could do one about a college guy who drops out in pursuit of being a stand up comedian, but the comedy club needs a female comic so they turn him into a girl? I was thinking maybe Nikki Glaser, she so funny and sexy. Thanks can’t wait to see all your new stuff!!

Oooo, Nikki Glaser is great. Sure thing!

Anonymous said:

Can you make a caption about a guy who makes fun of curvy and thicc women, where the women get their revenge and turn the guy into Nia Jax?

You got it!

Anonymous said:

Hi Me again on the topic of the assembly line worker caption sequel if you do it i just an idea for the story like before depicting the sissies "first time"  but you can have it be that the coworker doesnt know and is telling everyone about the chick he slept with last night and the sissy is just thinking "if only they knew"idk i thought it was good anyways thank u again

So this message is in reference to a sequel caption that was requested & that I did write and will be posted in June. I’m sharing it here to let the anon know that I wrote the cap BEFORE I got this second request so there will be a followup but the story will be different. I hope that’s ok.

Anonymous said:

Hi idk if u watch wrestling or not I see u have some captions of wwe womens wrestlers but im not sure have far ur knowledge of it is? Could u do a caption of Rhea Ripley if u know her?

I have never seen a single episode of WWE, I do not watch wrestling, and yet somehow every time someone requests a wrestler I know who she is. Don’t ask me how because I do not know. Anyways, yeah I can do a Rhea Ripley one. :)

Anonymous said:

Could you do a caption about a janitor for sissy co. That finds out the strange goings on at work and tries to blow the whistle on the whole operation but is caught and turned into a sissy maid for the sissy co. Corporate office abit specific I know but ive been thinking on that awhile however u do it will be perfect thanks

You got it!

Anonymous said:

Could you do katheryn Hahn from wandavision specifically the 80s look with the Big hair and aerobics outfit

Oooo, sounds nice. I’ll type that up for sure. :)

Anonymous said:

Hi big fan of your caps!! Do you think you could do a cap where a football player wants to go to the NFL but gets hurt, so they turn him into a female commentator, maybe Lauren Rutledge? If you don’t know her, she’s been a college football reporter for awhile and was also a former Miss Florida. Anyways I just think any guy would be lucky to be turned into her and I love your caps keep up the great work!!

Me: *googles Lauren Rutledge to see if it’s who I’m thinking of* How do I know who this is? Anyways, yes I can write this. :)

...for some reason there are no GIFs of her though so I’m just gonna move on.

Anonymous said:

Hi I'm the one that requested the LONG list of celebs I'm still really sorry about that I didnt realize how many it actually was till I looked back so I wanna retract some for your sake tell ya what if you havent done any already just do the ones that are specifically marked (as in the ones detailed by movie or show theyre in) the ones that are just names you can leave out i knoe its still alot but hopefully that takes some weight off of ya sorry again

You don’t have to be sorry! Like I said, in the future I’d ask that folks limit requests to no more than 3 celebs at a time but you didn’t know that. I’d never said that before. I typed up every celebrity and they’re going to be sprinkled in during June. Hope you like them! :)

Anonymous said:

Hello ^^ I love your work. Can u make a caption with the name "jules" and Ariana Grande please? Thank you

Sure thing!

Anonymous said:

Hey, not really an ask, but something I needed to share

I'm the one that asked for the Stephanie Beatriz caption from a whole back, and I absolutely loved how it turned out. Each time you roll out a new caption is like a small thrill to me and I read them right as they're released.

Now this wouldn't be an ask if I wasn't asking something, right? Well, next month sees the release of the "In the Heights" movie, and there's an opportunity there to do a series of captions using stephanie Beatriz from that same movie.

In conclusion, I love your captions so much, you're amazing!

Awww, this is such a sweet message. Thank you! And YAAASSSSS! Ever since the first trailer for In the Heights dropped I was like, “I must write a caption with her in this!” So you can imagine how fun it’s been waiting this entire time. *eye twitches*. We’ll have to wait until the movie comes out for me to be sure I can find a good image but this IS a caption I want to write. :)

Anonymous said:

Hi I just recently came across your blog and fell in love with it!! The caption with the football player being turned into Bella Thorne is one of my favorites!! I’d love so much if you could do a sequel or something to that cap it was so amazing and I need to know what else happens to “her”. I’m not sure if this is possible or if you even do sequels but this cap was great and I look forward to all the others!!!

Glad you like it! I’m always looking for sequel captions to write on Throwback Thursday so you’ll get this for sure. :)

Anonymous said:

Hey big fan! Do you think you could do a caption where a short guy gets made fun of by all his girl friends for how short he is? Ariana Grande is fairly short and I think a caption of her (of age of course) would be awesome

You got it!

Anonymous said:

Can you do one with the bella twins as two guys who fought over the same girl then the girl turns them both into look alikes of her but then they start fighting over the same guy

Yep!

Anonymous said:

Do you know suzy berhow? Or angie Griffin? If so would love a caption of either of them please

Sorry sweetie, I don’t know who those are. :(

Anonymous said:

Would appreciate more Sia captions please when u get the chance

I will remember that. :)

Anonymous said:

Can make some Winnie Harlow caption please? I adore her style

Sorry lovely, I don’t know who that is. :(

Anonymous said:

How about instead of removing the captions with Demi in them ,the images of Demi were just replaced with another celeb and if Demi is mentioned by name in the caption then that could be edited  to mention a different celeb. I respect Demi's decision I do but lets not lose some well made captions. Also if you could please make a caption where Amy Adams feminises a fan and raises them as her daughter and Kristen Stewart makes you her submissive wife that would be appreciated. I'm a fan of them.

So about the Demi Lovato captions: I understand your feelings but I’m still going to delete the original captions. Because of how my captions are made I can’t just go back in & swap out an image or edit the text, I have to remake it from the ground up. I am hoping to do that with some (maybe all) of the Demi Lovato captions & re-publish them, but I’m still going to delete the originals.

I can do the Kristen Stewart one for sure and I’ll TRY to do the Amy Adams one I just am not 100% sure I can find a pic for that but we’ll see. :)

Anonymous said:

If it’s possible before your summer hiatus could you do a caption with Amanda Crew (silicon valley, sex drive)?

I will do one with Amanda Crew but I can’t commit to doing it before the hiatus.

About the hiatus: I don’t know when it’s going to be. I want to TRY to make it to at least July 18th because I have a specific game in mind I want to post for 5 years of Celebrity TG Captions games, but after that I have no idea. I’ve been writing caps for a longer stretch of time since normal since I’ve switched to a part-time blog so I might burn out at any second but for right now I’ve still got some juice.

[darkarfs]

my favorite bad wrestling match of all time is still Hollywood Hulk Hogan vs. the Ultimate Warrior at Halloween Havoc 1998.

- It proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that these two old homophobes and racists couldn't wrestle, like, at all - neither guy got over, which is what should happen, because they're both incredibly shitty, stupid assholes - Hogan burned off his own eyebrows botching a flash paper fireball - Warrior returned to avenge his...victory? (I read somewhere that Hogan just wanted him hired so he could get his win back, making him the smallest, most carny asshole of the last 20 years) - Hogan says to the fans "I can KILL THIS GUY!" and "I'll MURDER THIS BUM" in his entrance. As he steps to Warrior's face, he says "I'll kick your BUTT!" Fucking dork. - Hogan tries elbow-dropping Warrior 13 whole times. Each time, Warrior moves. Each time, Hogan tries again. Credit to Hogan for taking 13 whole back bumps. - A blown-up Warrior trying to rally looks like a cheerleader whose pompoms have been photoshopped away. - Eric Bischoff, ever the master of damage control (Victory Road 2011) puts the referee in a headlock just so Hogan can hit Warrior with a chair. - Hogan soaks Warrior in lighter fluid with the intent to set him on FIRE. The crowd does not react. As a man is about to be set ablaze. - this match actually, on the PPV feed, actually cut off the last couple minutes of the DDP/Goldberg main event (easily Goldberg's best match and all because of DDP) because it went too long

It's so bad. It's so two old men in 1998 wrestling. It's so funny. And I can laugh because it damaged the stock of 3 enterprises I could not possibly care about in that year, in hindsight: the Ultimate Warrior, Hulk Hogan, and WCW.