#I’d like to think I did pretty good
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My stupid little emo mundie I hope he explodes
#this was my attempt at replicating the ee art style lol#I’d like to think I did pretty good#epithet erased#epithet oc#ee oc#Collin Miasma
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banging my head against the wall every time I see someone reblogging a post of mine with tags mentioning the ‘unrequited confession’. we have been OVER this it is NOT a case of unrequited romantic love it is completely canonically up in the air as a possibility. listen to jayden revri himself and be enlightened i am begging you
#rambling#payneland#also getting recommended posts with this rhetoric fhdhfjdhd it’s just annoying cause it’s like. misinformation#if that scene was actually a rejection I’d feel a lot worse about this show as a whole like really it Matters that it’s not#do you really think Superhell 2: Escape From Superhell would be a good idea. because I feel like they’re actively trying to counter those#kinds of damaging or at least exhausting and overdone queer tropes#tragic unrequited gay boy hopelessly in love with his best friend suffering forever because he’s gay#is. exactly the kind of exhausting overdone queer trope that almost unequivocally makes me lose a lot of respect for a show#so it is very very very important to me that this is. not that. and the actors have cemented that fact openly#please………..please just listen to the words being said………don’t conflate uncertainty with rejection……..take my hand#that’s not to say edwin didn’t TAKE it as a rejection. because based on what he says to niko he absolutely did#which will make it all the more juicy when what he thinks is impossible starts to become real and within reach. eventually. hopefully#also- less explicit- but Charles’ hand-on-heart thing after their last hug… like you really don’t have to be a film major#(saying this as a film major) to deduce what that means and what its calling back to. it’s pretty easy to put 2+2 together there#but anyway. I digress
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Sorryyyy for dropping off the face of the earth; got kinda shy after that last post but mostly I’ve just been writing though I cannot guarantee that any of that will ever be finished (also I’m very insecure about my writing AAAH). Figure I might as well post the valentines I had done (like two months late lol); interestingly this turned into more of a hand lettering exercise than I was expecting lol
#len’en#yabusame houlen#suzumi kuzu#tsubakura enraku#haiji senri#art#digital#there was one more but I’m not confident it’s like. funny? and I have stuff I’d eant to change abt it#and these four have pretty good comedic timing as a set so I’ll just leave well enough alone#also had plans for a Kuroji and uhhh Xeno a but those haven’t panned out#you’ll have to excuse me I’ve been going off the rails and also have not fixed the meds situation (I’m completely out atm)#started like four fics; yes they are all suzutsuba and there is. so much sex (not described/on screen but STILL)#didn’t manage to stay away from Hamal Cine Bad End either jfhshsjfb#too nervous abt talking yo pol rn to leave comments but zaranthropy if you’re reading this I owe you my life#also I think I said I was inspired on something by dissociation constant and then when chapter 2 came out I relized it was something I had#completely misinterpreted but I’m too embarrassed to actually go and check lol……#*talking to ppl sorry I had to turn off my autocorrect cause it was being compeltely unreasonable#OH YEAH also this Haiji design was a little bit inspired by a redesign of them from uhhhhhhh who was it. idk most of their blog is gone but#I’ll go check my likes#anyway I like how they tuned out also that joke came to me several days after valentine’s and gave me the idea for this whole thing#edit: can’t find the post anymore for some reason but I think yhe name was like chiosu or something?#did somebody go delete their blog while I wasn’t looking
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I always smh at people who dub Jason as “whiny” “and therefore ooc” in tt 29. If you died and all everyone did was taint your legacy, and not a single person remembered you fondly or deemed you worthy of commemoration after your death, wouldn’t you be a bit upset too?
#the only thing that was ooc about Jason there was all the shit talking the other characters were doing about him.#and some of the things Jason said about himself because he left whatever small amounts of self esteem he actually had back in his grave#he was very cooperative shy and clever with the titans in the 80s#it’s not enough that his own father told him to his face that he is a product of his own problems#everyone he knew and had good working relationships with just completely shut him out and turned their backs#even if you don’t mean it/it’s more complicated than that#if someone you knew died but now you got a chance to tell them what you couldn’t wouldn’t you at least muster up an ‘I’m glad you’re back’#apparently not lol#kelseethe#it’s the fact that people label him *being upset* as ‘illogical’ or stupid that irks me#I was talking with a mutual about this too but#if a female character did exactly his actions#I don’t think people would be so quick to stomp all over her and call her weak/overbearing/hysterical#or to give her the dismissive patronizing eye roll treatment#even though they deemed her actions to be exaggerated/misdirected/an outburst by any standard#they’d probably say she’s written like an actual human and that she resonates with a lot of people haha#he evaded all their security systems and effectively took down anyone who was present in the tower.#I’d say his skills are pretty in-character.#the idea that men can get emotional is just not palatable to you people just admit it#if it isn’t silent brooding stoic manpain you people will projectile vomit all over it and call it ‘bad characterization’
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AAAH I have a mutual who’s 18 and he sorta kinda is flirting with this one guy who is a minor as a joke of course ( to which a concerned anon said that it’s weird ) but I can’t help but flashback to er*s
#granted the er*s situation was thoroughly complex and the reason she did those things was her copism with not being able to pull ( LLLLLLL )#and ik that guy doesn’t mean any harm etc etc he’s not messed up like some ppl#BUT I DUNNO STILL#sobbing#they’re pretty sweet so#hes*#OH AND HES IRAQI TOO I LEGIT COULDNT BELIEVE THAT#dora daily#lowkey kinda sorta sad that a whole anon was more concerned than ppl i knew and who knew my age#and freely saw it happen so readily#and everyone else on that blog#genuinely and utterly disappointed#it’s always protect minors until the minors need protecting goddamn#this is especially directed at rhy yeah I’m not censoring that#🤷♀️#too busy simping over minor characters who don’t have a time skip in canon and aging them up then complaining about it when ppl call out#the brain deadery of that behaviour#girl pls#you did not care about minors from the beginning literally bye#e[redacted] literally ruined my brain chemistry to say the least I will never go into how what she did absolutely muddled my brain never#told anyone and I don’t think I can ever tell someone ever#not to mention practically hyperventilating being unable to breath literally going into madness and ppl think that I’m overreacting and#telling me to shut up about it and blaming me for the situation as if I wanted any of this#lmaolmaolmao#all that and I was expected to do uni girl byeeee I need a good century to recover at least ☠️#the only thing I DID want is friends but clearly that was a hard ask when ppl can get friends just by existing on this god forsaken app#atp I don’t even know what to say literally just wth#yall say mdni with your dumbass banners and decorate it like something special when yall are the ones to keep from minors you disgusting#wastes of clean oxygen 😭 mdni my foot gross ass adults should’ve never trusted them#the way I’d give them therapy to their complex traumas ☠️ imagine relying on a minor for therapy
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UGHHH so embarrassing why am i crying bc i suck at elden ring pvp
#so humiliating!!!!!#this is pathetic i know#i have bigger things to worry about and ultimately this doesnt matter but#i think its because i thought after like 500+ hours i’d at least be decent#but discovering that i actually am complete shit feels like i dont even have a skill set to show for my wasted hours#this much of my life wasted for what. nothing#my friend has never played pvp and we did it for the first time and he beat me like 10 consecutive times#so embarrassing#after i’d been bigging myself up for getting ‘pretty good’#who am i kidding#im completely average at best at everything i do lol
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“if you are trying to be a phd candidate in a social science field why the fuck are you studying math for fun” because i’m quirky and hot. next question.
#uriel posting#currently doing a crash course review of calc 1 and 2….. inverse trig function integrals are like a divorced lover who i still yearn for#to me.#mathblr#i guess#i think i’m mainly just pissed that i went from having the most legendary math instructors ever#to getting the 1-2 bad instructor combo and being turned off from the field for a bit#‘oh i used to be good and math and love it’ (<- he still does)#recently realized i can just. do it on my own#i was homeschooled i pretty much taught myself math from a textbook grades 6-10#(parents consist of a former math major and mechanical engineer. i wasn’t starved for resources they were there if i needed help)#(also did dual credit grades 11 and 12. goated math instructors of all time i miss them every day)#i have so much power now. i can learn anything i want to forever#<- guy about to become the most insufferable man in the universe#you mean i can just get the textbook from the library. about anything ?#not just math. i have realized i can do this for whatever. guy who is gonna learn about art history and is so excited#if i could i’d just stay in school forever and get 83 degrees#alas#this also loops around to my philosophy that anyone anywhere should be able to learn whatever they want#i will keep you updated on how this process goes 🫡 i am keeping notes incase anyone after me is interested#god. i’m gonna be That Guy (derogatory)#‘i always wished i had majored in classics. i always enjoyed it’ can i interested you in a google document with links and a drive folder
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Divinity can be found in the handwritten letter
#just thinking for absolutely no reason about my penpal in france (who i wrote to a couple of times in 2010 and only ever got one reply#because apparently ‘their school was really remote and they couldn’t always write back’)#i’m so sad that i lost her letters. she did a really cool drawing for me#i still remember her full name to this day. i looked her up on fb and there were a few results#one can draw very well and looks about my age. which could mean nothing#i’m going to leave her be#that was just such a wholesome assignment in class and so much fun when we all got our letters#there wasn’t a single kid who didn’t put effort into writing them and EVERYONE’S letters that they got back were cool#i was the only one who got an honestly really good drawing#but one of the boys got flirted with by a boy because he had a name that’s male in the uk but unisex in france#and he’d decided ‘well it Could be a girl so i’m shooting my shot just in case’#i think my classmate scrawled ‘JE SUIS UN GARÇON’ on his next letter#i wish i still spoke french like that. :(#i’d start learning again but i’m learning spanish right now and getting pretty into it#and french is so similar i just know i’d mix them up. D:#personal
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mannn i want a quality new fiction podcast to get hooked on
#i’m probably a little too picky but i’ve dropped a lot of pretty popular ones for mediocre acting#(takes me out of it)#(pretty sure that’s what happened with kalila. penumbra. bright sessions. 🤔 & so on)#(i think i dropped hallowoods for this reason too? or it felt too much like a wtnv copy or smth?)#i guess i could check whatever qcode’s most recent show is but 🤷#liiike i’d be down for the sort of wlw dark fantasy fun of smth like Mabel (without getting too deconstructed and blahh like they did)#and even tho i like old gods of appalachia silt verses malevolent etc—#they can kind of bum me out a lot?#(and there are a good number of shows like that)#red valley#red valley tho. love you.#it’s hard to find ones i click with so much#often just end up relistening to hftmt or dndads but those are more riffing than story. Or uhh good tma episodes sometimes.#and OLD old radio dramas#still i hunger. lol.#chatter tag
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“horror movies spend less time establishing character” have you only ever seen 2 movies
#a lot of horror movies are character driven#some aren’t but a lot of other genres don’t focus on character either#but like there are some complaints i see about certain movies where people complain that ‘nothing happens’ or whatever#or like the plot is less structured or whatever#and it’s like yeah maybe and sometimes that’s boring but sometimes it’s a fucking character study type thing#so like. what. ladybird is great but american mary isn’t structured enough#or like. may. excision. fucking uhh reanimator i’d say has pretty established characters#saw. what about saw. the whole movie is just two guys stuck in a room talking#the ritual is very character driven. the og film version of hill house#you know i hate orphan but orphan is pretty good at that actually#i would argue that the first 2 friday the 13th movies pretty well establish the personalities and dynamics of the characters#the exorcist. are you telling me that the exorcist doesn’t take its sweet time introducing the characters#establishing a status quo to be disrupted? an established pattern of behavior to deviate from? to say nothing of karras himself#the underlying conflict is all about internal beliefs and decisions this man is thinking about#oh the invisible man 2020 i thought they did a good job of establishing characters and relationships#anyway#i could go on. it’s just like this thing i hear ‘film critics’ (people on the internet who think their opinions are interesting) say#if you’re only watching horror movies where the characters are underdeveloped so you don’t care about them you should watch better movies#same thing with action movies. like sure you want to get to the action but plenty of good action movies have good character writing too#anyway!!
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How is Trigun Stampede? I loved the original, but I was a bit put off by the opening and the character design of the remake, so I kind of put it off...
As some one with no attachment to the og bc I’m only on ep 10: I like it! It’s much faster paced and the plot seems to be different? Or maybe it is the same but just a bit rearranged/ accelerated.
I personally really like the new designs! And I think the cgi animation is really well done. It’s so so fluid and they keep a lot of the traditionally painted (or at least heavily texture painted) backgrounds to give it a lot of contrast in a way that I personally think is quite beautiful. Ep 6 also has some traditional 2d animation and a change of a few styles that is really cool to tell a backstory. Also the way vashs coat is animated during action scenes… I’m always gonna focus on that stuff but I think it’s worth paying attention to even if u usually don’t!
I’d say maybe watch till ep 3 and then if u really hate it it won’t be for you? I’m really enjoying both shows but im definitely considering them to be their own separate things. Enough plot happens by then in stampede that you’ll know whether it’s for u or not. So far it’s a lot darker and less goofier than the og. Also Millie isn’t in stampede which is a crime :(
#I’m also watching stampede in sub and the og in dub which is also a bit of whiplash lol. i did see the first episode in dub and it’s the#same voice actor for vash and there’s been a tone of improvement if that’s something ur worried about!#i think the dub sounds pretty good but I just don’t watch on crunchy roll lol#I’d definitely say approach it as a total remake/ adaptation otherwise you’ll be off put but hey I’m liking it enough that I’m really#fixated on the franchise now even a sim consuming it for the first time!#ask#anon
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i’ll stop talking about this mf eventually but like okay. i hate being taken care of. 99% of the time, i HATE being taken care of. but i am also not naturally skilled at social stuff, like i’ve learned and i can do it and i’m good at it now, but—iiiii hate to admit it—but i’ve always wanted to be with someone who can like. take the driver’s seat, socially. and Bookstore just knows exactly how to shine the spotlight on me in a group setting. sometimes i get so overwhelmed taking everything in that i forget to talk even when i have relevant things to add! but they know just when to say Oh al said/did/made me watch/read/listen to xyz, and then give me the space to elaborate. or they’ll be more subtle and say like [Nearby person who likes something i like], have you seen/do you know about [specific thing they know i love] and it’s. gosh it’s really nice. also they are very big and warm. gosh
#ngl this was a pretty significant part of why it didn’t work with my ex and why i’d be hesitant to go aut4aut again#like i was just so much more socially competent than him i knew i would have to take the lead in most social settings and#the idea of that was just so exhausting#so to stumble into this…#also i think i mentioned before that Bookstore is like WEIRDLY… autism friendly??#we like them. they have a lot of us in their life in big and small ways#their best friend is one of us and apparently they told him that i’m autistic and he was just like Yeah that tracks for you.#and this started as a blind date!! wild. WILD. this shit weird. but good#very good#ANYWAY i didn’t die at the outdoor bar and i did have a very good time#but also this was the second time in a row i’ve gone to a social gathering where someone i met for the first time already knew who i was!#and it wasn’t even one of Bookstore’s friends this time! aah! 😰
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Ok life update. I’m fully in college again! I like some of my classes (all stem classes) I kinda hate some other classes (theatre classes ironically). I am so deeply not moved in at all. Unpacking who? Could not be me. I do not have enough storage. I like my third roommate a lot and living with my ex is not as scary as I thought it would be. I finally get an adhd and depression test in two weeks and i start therapy in a week.
#me? going to therapy bc my last relationship hurt me that badly? it’s more likely than you think!#it wasn’t just that. but that in conjunction with my depression did not do good things#went from clingy to very anxious attachment style#also. i keep saying I’m completely over her. I’m not. I’m just hoping if I say it enough it’ll be true#so it just really really hurts that she’s so over me and already talking to people and looking for dates#and I’m over here like. please can it all just stop hurting for 5 seconds🫠🫠🫠🫠#i really do not know what to do. hoping therapy fixes my very much still broken heart#i can’t even tell her like hey dude this is killing me bc then she’d think I’m trying to make it her problem#when in reality I just don’t want her to talk about the girls she’s talking to as much#also I’m pretty sure she’d end up being like fine I just won’t talk to you anymore. which completely missed the point as well#so. that’s cool#gaming club is starting to meet up again which is nice. unfortunately it’s on a day I have color guard every week#i think antidepressants would be very good for me bc I am struggling to find a single positive point in my life rn#the waitlist for therapy is miles long and u gotta submit why you want it. they called me in within a week. it’s not looking hot for me lol#I’d like to start streaming now that I’m single again. and by that I mean I have more free time#but my ex and I share a wall and she hates when she can hear me talking thru the wall. we have really really thin walls#y’all I am not winning. at all#idea: we’re doing a poll on things that should improve my life and y’all can decide#soup talks
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my haaaaaands are still fucked uuuuuup but when they’re unfucked up i’m gonna draw smth so sexy and delicious for my new skyrim oc i can see the comp in my mind’s eye it’d just make my hands fall off if i tried to draw it
#he’s a liiiiiiitle bit of a serial killer so i’m envisioning him in like a white gown/robe with his hair up like in fucking. ella enchanted#in the garden with caryalind thallery but the knife behind his back is just coated in blood and there’s a pile of bodies behind him that we#can see but cary can’t see. i LOVE cary btw if you haven’t tried him as a follower highly highly recommend#vaynis is a character i didn’t think i’d get all that attached to i just wanted to try out the ancient falmer mod and then i got like. SO#attached to him immediately. he’s not actually an ancient falmer he’s just like. a non betrayed falmer who’s 23. his dad was like the#ultimate ‘i survive everything bc i’m good at hiding’ kinda guy who was a child when the snow prince died and he just fucked off into the#jerall mountains for forever basically. and another falmer (much younger) stumbled on him up there and was like ‘dude wtf if you have#immortality magic why do you live in a wizard shack in the mountains’ and he was like ‘well. i’m wicked scared all the time you see’#so in exchange for teaching her the immortality spell he was like ‘will you have a baby with me so the falmer don’t die out’ and she was#like ‘yeah ok but i’m not raising this fucking baby. i’m leaving i’m not a mom. you won’t make me a mom’ and he was like ‘yeah sure ok’#secretly thinking if he built her a tower she’d stay. so every day he’d build the tower bit by bit with magic and everyday she’d plan to#leave and like in a fairytale they had the ‘i’m going to leave’ ‘i know’ conversation but then vaynis was born and she actually DID leave bc#she wasn’t a mom! she told him that! but he was like shocked bc he was a moron. and so he locked vaynis in his wizard tower and only let him#out to teach him how to hunt and track and forage. and vaynis really wanted to see the world but his dad would never change. so he planned#to leave and he picked himself out a nice breton adventurer to seduce into taking him along only when his dad found out he killed the breton#and locked vaynis back in the tower. and vaynis waited and watched and planned and pretended like he was sorry. and then one day he#knifed him in his sleep. and took his shit and escaped. but auriel wasn’t super happy about that so he shipwrecked him. and ever since theb#vaynis has been pretty pathetic. he’s working on it but like. it really is kinda embarassing to watch. anyway his new scheme for glory is to#join the thalmor and he IS really pretty so this thalmor agent in solitude was like ‘hey the heir to the aldmeri dominion is also here and#we like. really need him back and with his head in the game. the nords are stupid they think you’re a altmer but like. i know a bitch whose#race is supposed to be extinct when i see one. you seduce caryalind thallery back into line and we’ll help you do whatever you wanna do to#restore the falmer. ideally it’s integrate with us.’ so vaynis obviously takes that fucking opportunity but problems arise bc caryalind#isn’t quite as seduceable as previously thought. yeah he’s flirty but he’s also looking for something serious and trying to become a better#person. so vaynis is on a journey of ‘get aldmeri prince to marry me and have his baby to achieve greatness’ when they stumble into helgen#after alduin attacks (bc as we all know i’m addicted to the ‘the prisoner dies and akatosh has to pick a new dragonborn’ narrative’ and he#) and akatosh picks vaynis honestly? to be funny. i love interpreting akatosh as a smartass it’s so funny to me#‘yeah there’s a whole world riding on this but like. wouldn’t it be kinda hilarious to see what happens?’#alternatively maybe akatosh and auriel are one in the same. you decide#anyway becoming the dragonborn really complicates this plan like. MOST severely
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I truly don’t get the fuckboy face… like wtf how is that supposed to be hot?? You have a perfectly fine normal face even a nice smile and all why ruin it like that
#I’ve known this guy for what two years and I swear every single time he takes a picture#or video he does that face#I’ve almost told him a few times but that would have meant I’d admit he looks pretty good#and like he wasn’t even my type at first he’s just the type of person who makes you at ease right away and is pretty charismatic#also I think I’ve once stared at his nose for like five minutes straight#but he didn’t notice because he was drunk as a skunk#we worked together for a while and he once asked to start an actual business together and I was like uhhh I’ll think about it#and after some time declined it because I didn’t feel ready and frankly I’m glad I did that because he’s a bit ?unstable?#anyway why am I saying all this again
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#Thinking about. comics from 2016 again. wic+div. paper girls. saga. descenders.#always meant to read Monstress at some point but I’ve almost forgotten it exists. remembered trying to find what descenders was called#mediocre comics my beloved….#Paper girls was really good!! Wicdiv was uhhhh. Philosophically horrifying. I never did finish a single volume of saga. Descenders… tried#Descenders was aggressively mediocre but like. VERY FUNNY that a plot point was ‘academic dishonesty causes robot apocalypse’#I’m pretty sure there was also an on-page vivisection and implied Robot Omniscience or at least Robot Satellite Brain Signals#Insane! wonder whats going on in comics outside of the ten webcomics I still follow. Last time I wondered this I found Class Action Lawsuit#Apocalyptigirl also: pretty good antiwar message. Dream sequence still haunts me#……I’ve read a lot of comics huh#ANYWAYS I also read some shit. To the YouTube hipster who ripped off James Dashner for his comic: your book was bad and you should feel bad#‘Oughhhh girl gets BULLIED! DEPRESSION! Eating disorder! Hot nerd boy! Daddy issues!!’ Just say she’s not like the other girls and move on.#Your book had a female main character and doesn’t pass the bechdel? You never figured out how to draw boobs??#Not as many crimes as the Sexist Fairies Comic but the single saving grace of THAT one was beetle wings.#but I digress!!#Descenders: I’d like it better now since I have a vested interest in watching billionaire idiot get his ass handed to him for intellectual#Property theft
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