#I’d prefer if people didn’t have negative thoughts towards me

[frostyblustar]

Write Klance Angst? I’d love to read some

I’ll take a shot at it

Keith tended to secretly idolize people, for various reasons. Shiro was an amazing leader and protector. Hunk was a great friend and chef. Allura had earned their respect and dealt with so much loss. Pidge was a tech wizard and had unwavering loyalty.

When it came to Lance however, it was hard for him to put into words how much he had put Lance on a pedestal. Lance felt untouchable, a person he didn’t even deserve to be associated with. Even if he felt that way, it didn’t stop him from being selfish. He still desperately wanted to be with Lance.

It took him a while to realize these feelings weren’t platonic, rather it was something more. He had never experienced this sort of attraction before, and it scared the hell out of him. Keith felt his heart race when he thought he stared for too long at Lance, or did anything else that could give away his true feelings.

Lance seemed pretty much oblivious. Keith preferred this over being rejected though, so he let the obliviousness continue. He had never been good at communication or relationships, so he thought it was fine.

Despite Keith’s attempts to shy away from his feelings, one day they boiled up inside of him. He was in the observation deck, looking up at the stars. They twinkled, and reminded him of Lance. A lot seemed to remind him of Lance. Speaking of the blue paladin, he heard hushed giggling come towards the deck.

He instantly stood up when he saw Lance and Allura coming into the room. Allura had taken Lance’s arm and was pressed against his side. Keith felt betrayed, though that feeling was completely nonsensical. Lance, and especially Allura, had no idea how he felt.

“Oh, hey Keith. Do you want to watch the stars with us-?” Lance asked, but Keith just believed the man was being polite. The two would likely want alone time, and Keith would let them have it.

“I was just leaving.” Keith didn’t mean to sound angry, but he likely came off that way as he shouldered past Lance and started to walk down the hallway. His hands balled into fists, and he so badly wanted to let out his anger on something. He was glad he had walked away, he wouldn’t want to deliver those feelings to Allura or Lance-

“Keith! Dude, what’s going on??” Why did him thinking of Lance seemingly summon the man? Maybe it was just a coincidence, Keith did think of him a lot after all. That thought just became depressing to him now. He was chasing after the unattainable.

He felt a hand grab his wrist and he instantly wretched it away, spinning around to face Lance. Brushing some of his raven locks away from his face, he wasn’t sure how he was going to respond. Maybe he should have thought about it longer before he spoke. Lance looked at him with such naive concern, but it just made his heart hurt more.

“Fuck off, Lance.” He tried to walk away. He was close to his room, he could make it. Lance ended up making a grab for his arm again though, grabbing his wrist again and tugging him back.

“No, you should tell me what’s wrong. We’ve been on great terms for a while, what’s up now??”

“You wouldn’t be able to fix my issues, there’s no point in telling you.” You can’t make me not love you. You can’t love me. I’m not meant for you. I need to accept it. Lance shook his head and a delusional part of Keith wished that Lance was responding to his negative thoughts somehow, but that would be stupid of him.

Lance held onto Keith’s wrist, his blue eyes set on keeping their gaze on Keith’s. “Keith you’re my friend. Besides, it’s not good to keep feelings inside. You can tell me what’s bothering you. I’ll keep everything a secret, and I won’t judge you. You can trust me”

“What if I told you loved you then?” The words slipped out.

Lance paused, and then let go of Keith’s wrist. Keith missed the warm hand, his skin felt even colder without the touch. He wasn’t sure how to read Lance expression. Though he could detect some shock, he couldn’t pick up on whatever else there was. He felt like sprinting into his room, but he needed to hear what Lance had to say.

He watched Lance lick his lips before responding, “I honestly can’t tell if you’re joking or not.” Why had Keith even tried? Why had he laid himself out like that? Why had he hoped for a positive response? Keith knew he was unlovable, no one had ever stuck around after all. After the war was over, he could bet no one would stick around him. He would be unneeded.

His feet moved seemingly involuntarily, or maybe his mind was too crowded to notice him giving directions. He slammed his bedroom door behind him and triggered the lock, falling to the floor with his back to the locked entrance. Keith wished he could cry, but he hadn’t since his father died as a child. Instead, his emotions would build and he had no way of getting them out that way.

Keith could hear his communicator dinging, but he ignored it as he sat on the floor. Soon he could feel someone hitting the door he had his back against, though he couldn’t hear it. His room by default had noise cancelling, since he was a light sleeper. Sleep didn’t actually seem so bad right now, it was a way to ignore what just happened.

He put his communicator on silent and climbed underneath the covers, planning on making his mind inactive for a few hours.

It didn’t work, instead he dreamed about Lance. He dreamed that he was actually loved. They were living in his dad’s shack together, alone but happy. Lance would give him kisses and he would accept them bashfully. His mind mixed together so many things, like for some reason there being a random wolf from a TV show he liked as a kid there. He ignored it though, Lance was the best part in his unconscious mind’s conjurings.

They would lay on the couch together, and Keith would watch Lance talk. In the dream it wasn’t decipherable, but he still enjoyed it. Lance would wrap his arms around Keith and hold him close, and he could imagine dream Lance was telling him everything was going to be okay.

When he woke up, he instantly wanted to go back. The delusion was so much better than the reality, and he desperately tried to imagine what else could have happened in the dream. Though even as he dozed off for a few minutes, thinking of these possibilities beforehand, the dream didn’t come back.

He was still in bed, by himself, with the shame of liking someone he knew would never love him.

[ermbabyel]

{Hello! Here is my half of the matchup trade!!}

{☆} Name: Astraea 

{☆} Demon slayer and Aot! (Male results please! 

{☆} Female, She/her 

{☆} 17, 15-20 

{☆} INFP, (yay twinsies!!) 2w1 enneagram also know as the ‘Companion’. 

I’m pretty shy/ reserved most of the time though I make an effort to not come off as cold or unexpressive, I always try to smile and I love doing things to make others happy. I’m a nurturer at heart and I always strive to make things easier for everyone around me, even at the cost of my own time. I’m not very good at confrontation so I could see that as being a flaw in the sense that I could keep on bottling negative things up until I have a break down or something, so I could really use someone who would care just as much as I try to. I’m pretty sensitive, on the inside more then the outside, so I think if I was with someone who didn’t pay attention or care about my feelings, I would get worn out pretty easily. 

{☆} likes: I like writing, creating characters and stories to go with them. I like drawing and baking, as well as cooking. I like to read in my free time and I’ve always been fascinated by the sky, whether it’s at night or in the day. I could stare at it for hours on end and not be bored. (Idk if that’s weird or not lol) I love milk tea and onigiri!! My favorite colors are cream/white, light blue and dark blue. Dislikes: the thought of loosing everyone I’m close to, people that take advantage of others, and papaya I guess?? It’s hard to think of things lol. 

{☆} I have a pretty average body shape I think, edging toward curvy with a short torso and longer legs. I have a round face,long eyes lashes, a button nose and dark brown, small-ish upturned hooded eyes. My hair is inky black and curly/wavy depending on the day. I have round glasses and I like to wear cute clips and rubber bands in my hair. 

{☆} reading, writing, drawing, making fantasy maps, playing video games and more 

{☆} I like to wear comfy but stylish clothes, so baggy pants and a button up+ sweater or hoodie, sometimes a casual dress with leggings. I like to wear lighter colors, most of the time blues whites creams and green. 

{☆} Receiving: I honestly prefer quality time and acts of service the most. It makes me feel like I’m worth something and like the person actually likes to be around me. Giving: i tend to show people I love them by acts of service and words of affirmation. Once I’m close, the compliments will keep on coming. I’m very loyal and will do pretty much anything for a spouse as long as I love them and feel comfortable with them. 

{☆} Someone who shows appreciation for me, makes me feel loved despite my flaws, and someone who can understand my feelings. I don’t think I’d get along with someone who is materialistic, as I really appreciate it when people find beauty in the small things. Introvert or extrovert doesn’t really matter, as long as they’re not overbearing/macho or controlling if you know what I mean. 

Thank you so much!! I’ll get your matchup out asap!! ^^ 

Hi hi~! I absolutely LOVE your name! Also you seem like such a wholesome, pure soul 🥹.

This is a match up exchange and I’ve had so much fun with it! Please check out their page! 💜

In KNY, I ship you with…Tanjiro!

You and Tanjiro are such pure and kind people! Your personality also reminds me of Tanjio’s too. Even though the saying is “opposites attract”, I truly think you and Tanjiro would make such a wonderful and loving couple. And I feel like your similarities will give you both a better understanding of each other.

Tanjiro will appreciate you taking care of him and healing him back to good health after missions. Although he feels great amount of guilt for making you worry about him. He still finds it very sweet and makes sure you know how grateful he is to have you!

Whenever both of you have any down time, Tanjiro makes an effort to set up cloud/star gazing dates. He absolutely finds your fascination with the sky so cute and endearing.

Tanjiro is very doting with his friends and family. And he wouldn’t be any different with you! I can see him always making sure you’re taken care of to. Making sure you’re eating and resting when you need to. I think he’d be very in-tuned with your feelings too.

Tanjiro loves all the cute accessories you put in your hair and will ask if he can braid your hair sometimes. He enjoys how playing with your hair relaxes him after a stressful training session. Nezuko definitely wants to turn after he’s done playing with your hair lol.

Overall, just a very pure and beautiful relationship~!

In AOT, I ship you with…Amrin!

Another man who is super sweet and kind. I have a sense that you two are very loyal to your loved ones!

Armin will enjoy baking with you as a stress reliever. He’ll also playfully dip his finger in the batter and bop you on the nose just to hear your sweet laugh~

This boy gets SO blushy and flustered every time you compliment him lol. He can’t help but stutter a quiet “thank you” and gently kiss you on the cheek. He’s so happy, but his brain malfunctions and doesn’t know what to do. Also expect Jean to tease him every time he see you two together lol.

Armin also enjoys his laying video games with you. More so the fact that he can think up some strategies to help you beat the boss levels.

Armin admires your caring and nurturing personality. You give him so much strength and love on his more tougher days. He knows he can lean on you and he hopes to be a safe place for you too.

Armin would be so sweet and attentive to you. And I can see you being the same for him, which He’s very grateful for!

I hope you enjoyed your side of the exchange. I had so much fun with this~! ☺️

[potter-pavlikovsky-popchyk]

It’s terribly perfect, how I can recognize so much of myself in Theo and hate it. And yet even more so, relate with Boris. But try to focus on that so I don’t have to remember—which, I mean, eventually, like Theo with his grief, suddenly hitting him in waves, pounding over him—I find I’m suffocated by my past and all the hurt and even the hope I had snatched from me. I hate those nights I’m supposed to just go back to sleep so simply, but all I can do is loop in my head how pathetic it feels to miss my best friend(s) (even my abusive father). How sad it is, not living in the past per say because I am getting on, living, but still was ripped from it all so abruptly before I could grieve it. So, in that sort of traumatic feel of being all at once stuck in its black trickle memory of times I never thought I would be choked by, never foresaw the bitter coming through so evenly with the sweet, that it could bring a grown man to his knees to weep like a child, clutching at straws in mind as much as he does his pillow, in that memory of all those things lost but never forgotten.

I find I grow angry and hateful towards this inner hurt child of me all too often. When all he needs is that duality of me, my inner Boris, my attention, care, just to be there, not full of judgment of what I did or didn’t do, not finding reason or logic, not full of negativity like I’m already drowning in, but love, understanding that it can’t last forever, it’s just a memory, it’s just one more night of wetting bedding with the salt of me. To purify this bed I’ve died in every way one can time and time again. To make way for the good to come, even if that too ends the same one day. It’s not for us to know… but it wouldn’t change a thing. How I will open my heart again to someone new.

(I guess this sort of relates to this piece I wrote a while back under similar circumstances that hold a special place in my heart. Just me vibing in my Theo feels, what else is new. I’d also gotten up early that day and reflected on why I push away this sort of thing and tend to prefer being more like Boris despite a soul deep sadness that weighs on me just the same as Theo if I’m not careful (like Boris, I suppose.)

(Sharing since I found some comfort in these after writing that.)

(I’ve come to recognize that I think that’s the point of his character development, to push us to that point of being frustrated for him not having much and seeing that we’re often more like that than we care to admit, even if just emotionally, inside. Unhealed children are all too commonly walking around, trying their best, and we don’t even see it or the reason until we see how mean people can be towards Theo (characters like him). Don’t get me wrong I joke too, I get it. It is annoying at times, but we grow annoyed with ourselves in this way too. But I think it says something about those who joke when not understanding him… not seeing why he can’t move on. It’s a bit frustrating, but I always hope that others joke from a place of knowing, of getting how that feels. Like Boris being able to say crazy shit to him because, after all, they are in the same boat. Even if Boris learned how to smile and feel it to more of a level realness than Theo might have developed to.)

[flightfoot]

My little cousin (8) is a big ML fan and I watch it with her a lot. I wouldn’t say she doesn’t care about the romance, because she does, but it’s not a massive deal to her. It’s just part of the plot alongside the heroes and villains. She likes the fights, the new heroes, and the akumas a lot, and finds the villains more memorable than their civilian counterparts.

That’s one big difference between the show’s target audience and the adults on tumblr; the adults hone in on shipping, and I feel like a lot of people only care about the romance. The love square is literally the only thing happening in this show and everything else is filler. Of course, that’s not the whole fandom, but for the kids the romance, lore, fights, and subplots/side character stories are much more equal.

On the other hand, adults are much more in tune with narrative structures and can pick up on foreshadowing and subtle plot crumbs. I don’t think my little cousin would ever come up with a sentimonster theory, and she doesn’t think too hard about Gabriel’s backstory.

Adults can pick up on everything that happens, especially fans who analyze every line and frame of each new episode. This show tends to pack a lot of interesting things into throwaway lines. A lot of great side character moments are just them doing stuff in the background of the main characters talking. The show writers try to find clever ways around censorship. Little kids with short attention spans only absorb the main parts of the episodes. My cousin asked me if Alya and Nino were dating when we were watching s4. So I don’t think she knows Juleka and Rose and Marc and Nath are dating. Heck, I don’t think she knows Marc and Nath’s names. Ivan is “Mylene’s boyfriend” to her.

The show’s comedy is largely geared towards kids. When Simpleman came out, tumblr was mad. Why have such a stupid, pointless episode in the middle of all the good stuff? Well my cousin loved it. She thought it was hilarious! The kids prefer silly goofy time over “the good stuff”. She doesn’t like Chat Blanc because that episode was too stressful for her.

Lastly, kids take everything in stride. Whenever the show makes, like, any decision, there will always be grown adults salting on it. There’s valid critique, of course, but I’m talking about people who hate every new design because they aren’t used to it and hate every development because things happened differently in their personal fanfiction universe, and the writers didn’t read their minds, so clearly the show is wrong. Kids just accept what happens in canon. New heroes/villains? Yay! Filler episodes? Ok! People do stupid stuff? Sure! We learn unexpected new information? Alright! She sees Chloe as the typical cartoon school bully. Are there more complex sides to her? Does she have nicer moments? Yeah, but the kids don’t expect her to do a full 180 and then be forgiven. She’s a big Luka fan and prefers Lukanette, but it was obvious to her that Adrienette is endgame. She doesn’t get mad when change happens.

So yeah, the difference between kid and adult fans is pretty interesting, and I’d say generally, they both have their positives and negatives when it comes to absorbing and enjoying the show.

Thanks for the breakdown! This makes sense to me, it's how I absorbed cartoons when I was a kid. Whatever happened, happened, you were just there to go with the flow.

But yeah young kids don't always have the best grasp on all the subtleties of what's going on. It takes awhile for most of them to figure that stuff out.

[hotarutranslations]

To All Of The Members - Kaga Kaede Graduation Messages

To the members I've worked with, as a Hello Pro Kenshuusei within Hello! Project.

Many of the girls working as trainees at the same time as me, were strong willed and didn't want to lose, and that influenced me as well. This isn't limited to those who have now debuted, its the same for those that have gone down a different path.

As members, we had recitals and auditions many times, and we failed many times.

There were so many people around me with such power that I was also able to resolutely do my best.

The people I met after debuting, There are those that are shy, always bright, funny, There are so many different personalities in Hello! Project but, What we all share in common, is the passion we put into our performances.

Everyone likes singing and dancing but, surpassing the boundaries of an idol, From the bottom of my heart, I think that each group is a professional artist.

Every time I watch the other groups lives, "That girl was really great there" "This next new song from this group is good" "I wish I could do something like that" I've talked a lot with others like this.

I think its really amazing that I can like you all so much, despite being rival groups.

I've seen many times, where girls will feel down comparing themselves to others but, I think comparing oneself because you want to reach further, is a way to take thought into action.

I was able to do my best up until now, as I was surrounding by ambitious members. Really, thank you very much.

I think we all have aspirations and ideals, but I want you to move forward with confidence as you as members create a Hello! Project with the charm that only you have.

Also, to all of the members of Morning Musume

I have caused you a lot of trouble. I'm sorry that, I had to take a lot of time off, from being sick this year.

Rairi Our time together was short but, I had a lot of fun watching Rairi's various faces! Also, there is a lot to learn with a lot of skill required I think this was a really tough fall tour but, thank you for doing your best. Since the more time passes the more you forget the difficulties of being a newcomer, I'd like you to stay close to the 17th generation when they join. There will be tough things from now on but, since there are also a lot of fun moments, please enjoy everything in Morning Musume!

15th Generation Your personalities and preferences are varied in you 3 but I seriously think its nothing but charming. I'm not worried about the 3 of you because, you have a clear idea of what you're lacking and what you want, and I know you're going to work hard!! If I were to express one worry: you may be easily influenced and may be taken in by the atmosphere surrounding you, or a single word may make you feel negative. I want you to stick with what you think is right. You will be alright if you consider others feelings and straight-forwardly do your best. I'm looking forward towards your futures!!!

Yokoyama I'm really glad Yokoyama and I are in the same generation. In Kenshuusei we were at the top and bottom, we don't like the same things, Kaga is too indoors-y to meet in private, you borrowed my DVD's and didn't return them (it was finally returned recently) I don't know how we got along at all but, I really don't have anything like, 'I don't like this part of Yokoyama'. Because we respected each other, I think we were able to spend these 6 years working together in a good sense without conflicts. Really, thank you. Although I'm graduating first, I think Yokoyama will be fine, even if your position is more difficult from now on!! lol Thanks for taking over the blog by yourself,,,

12th Generation-san Especially when I first joined as a member, I was just imitating the actions of the 12th generation. That's exactly what is to be a senior role-model, so thank you for always standing in front of me. Until just before the 15th generation joined, we were often grouped as 12th, 13th & 14th generation; we once had a serious conversation, where we thought about what we can do for Morning Musume. I really like that each of you in the 12th generation are pursuing your own personal interests and perfecting them. Thank you very much for these 6 years!

Oda-san I've talked to you a lot from our time as Kenshuusei and even after becoming a member you're a senior who is particularly easy to talk with. Even now we talk about music and anime, I think because its Oda-san, we can continue talking about things deeper and deeper. You can dance, sing and talk, but I'll continue to support you from now on as your lack of tsukommi's may remain the same. (the one who is actively boke←) Lets go to a delicious Korean restaurant again!!

Ishida-san Ishida-san, who would not have thought for even 1 millimeter when I first joined we would become such good friends,,,lol No matter how you think about the start was in Hello Pro Dance Gakuen but, I really really remember Ishida-san saying around that time "I want to talk with my juniors more,". I think its amazing that Ishida-san can think that and take it into action immediately!! I've also thought "I want to talk with my juniors more," as well, but I'm not really good at speaking, but I think its thanks to Ishida-san that we've become so close. For myself, It was Ishida-san who brought a lot of new dance elements to Morning Musume as well. Really, thank you very much. Please call me whenever you want to dance!!

9th Generation-san I often see the two of you like to joke around and have a relaxed attitude but, your commitment to yourself in Morning Musume is certainly strong, we can always feel that "You like Morning Musume" from the things you say towards us. You taught me a lot of things I could only learn from the experience of the 9th generation. Thank you very much. I don't know how much I helped Morning Musume these past 6 years, but I'd be happy if I helped a bit.

Thank you very much for helping me in these 6 years. I will be praying that you'll live happily and healthily in the future, as a fan from now on. https://ameblo.jp/morningm-13ki/entry-12778396054.html

[bearwithmeshifting]

Re: how one figures out they're not physical shifting: I noticed the differences between what I was seeing/hearing/feeling and what other people were seeing/hearing/feeling and that helped me figure it out. If no one reacted to the very loud sounds of body parts moving, and if the sound didn't seem to be precisely coming from my body, I could tell I wasn't actually physically shifting. When I shift i hear it coming from my surroundings, but not from my actual body like you would expect if I were physically shifting. Little things like that had me questioning and looking for explanations.

Having another person verify it seems to be the best way to figure it out to me. I'm not a clinical lycanthrope nor have I been diagnosed with anything (my experiences aren't pathological) but from what I've heard from one they were only able to figure it out after exposing their shifted self to people and not seeing them react at all.

I've also noticed that when it comes to mental illness, some lycanthropes have distressing shifts and cannot function (I've heard of one who thought they killed people while shifted and attacked doors, and couldn't handle lights or the full moon even in human form) and this is usually what prompts them to get help. So someone experiencing an unusual amount of mental distress with shifting might be another indication.

I’m actually surprised to see that you only heard it externally, I wonder why it didn’t sound as though it was internal. I imagine if I was a clinical lycanthrope, my body could simulate the sound and feeling of my jaw popping up against my ear and try to convince me I was shifting physically. I’m glad that you figured out what was going on by trying to shift in front of others, points for bravery on shifting in front of others on the rare chance they actually saw you metamorphose, I barely managed to get someone I could trust to do so, and even then I was deeply self conscious.

Showing other people their self while shifted seems like it’d be the most sure fire way to get evidence for self confirmation. Might be best to do it around someone you feel as though there won’t be negative fallout from, like doing it in front of a trusted person. Getting someone to spectate may be difficult if you aren’t already open about your experiences, I only managed to get someone to check for me because they were a shifter before I was. This might just be a measure of faith in the other person I can’t blanketly say exists for everyone. If I told one of my more personal nonshifter friends to spectate me shift, I think I would have died having to introduce them to the concept of shifting while grappling with it myself. Still, external validation on nonhuman form is very important, and other people’s testimony is very important.

It’s quite possible that mental distress around shifting could be a good indication. Most shifters I know greatly enjoy the prospect of shifting. Even from what I hear about people “losing control” while shifting, it rarely is violent towards people, but if what I read was based in fact, nonshifters who have similar conditions to clinical lycanthropy have done violent acts when shifted. (As an aside, I’d like to make it known to anyone reading that clinical lycanthropes are *not* required to be violent, and that based off current understanding, rarely are.) The indication of being generally comfortable with shifting isn’t very helpful most of the time, as most shifters (not just the physical kind) rarely experience distress towards the violence they could cause. It’s a really common experience, and there’s the possibility for nuance in the phrasing “unusual amount of mental distress with shifting.” For instance, while I was psyching up for my first physical shift, I was unusually mentally distressed with the prospect of shifting, mostly because I was worried I wouldn’t be able to control my actions. (I’m the kind of person who prefers to be sober, just generally worried about losing agency due to my body being weird.) I would fit the bill pretty well, but also comparatively to the other shifters I know, my “prefer to not shift” stance is irregular, since most shifters I know look forward to the prospect greatly. I feel like the utility your suggested indication would bring may not be the most conclusive, and also discounts the possibility of physical shifters being distressed by the seemingly supernatural process.

Maybe the indicative phrase could be workshopped to still provide utility while also accounting for various reasons of “unusual” distress. Maybe the “you’re probably something besides a pshifter” distress based phrase could be something along the lines of, “Experiencing distress at the prospect of shifting on the basis of irrational fear of harming others or oneself while shifted, as opposed to a well justified fear of shifting based off previous harms, fear of social rejection, or fear of religious transgression.” I know “irrational” is largely vague, but I hoped to contrast it against “justified” to help specifically define what an irrational fear would encompass. It would also account for those who have harmed someone in the past while shifted for whatever reason, and those who believe in a religious code that would disagree with shifting. I think this phrasing would also help exclude shifters who have yet to shift, but still feel distressed at the notion. This is largely pedantic, but I believe that getting to the root of this Morbophobia (Transfigurophobia for those wanting to be serious) would help differentiate based on what you intended, while also being able to avoid grouping but nonphysical shifters with physical shifters.

I may have missed something in my attempt to be thorough and welcome any addendums to this post, when in line with helping define this experience of fear towards the prospect of shifting, that properly helps differentiate nonphysical shifters from physical shifters.

[freakyfetishgal]

Hey all,

I recently was told I wasn’t successful because I didn’t dress slutty enough or follow a script. This was told to me by a male manager from an agency I recently signed with. While I can see valid points from his end, I also see the backlash from people towards the ladies who do this. Most of the negativity I’ve seen has been towards those who comment or say things like «  pussy in bio » for example. People outside the community ( potential new clients) are actually quiet turned off by this approach. I actually agree with those who find it a turn off.

Most clients can tell you are faking it, which isn’t sexy at all. I understand this is entertainment & sometimes being outlandish is what is entertains, but I am not a comedian. I’ve seen plenty of people poke fun at these women , so yes they are entertaining but not on the way they intend. I’m also all for wearing sexy clothes, but there are plenty of other fully clothed fetishes where you don’t have to be even remotely slutty at all. Plenty of men prefer clothed to nude.

I’d love to hear everyone’s thoughts on this. Do you read from a script? Has it helped or hindered your success? I for one am now taking this « lack of success » as a compliment. I’m not a stupid funny girl for you to laugh at. I am a woman who has decided to use her sensuality as a form of income. I’m educated about what I do, and the clients I cater too. I’m all for fantasy and fun, but I am not to be made fun of. Let me know what you think.

[kypossumlady]

My goal this year is to stop demeaning myself for literally everything lol. I want to stop apologizing for being sensitive and having giant feelings. I want to stop apologizing for needing extra help sometimes. I want to get help from medical professionals without anxiously canceling every single time. I think I’m doing a good job so far. Quitting my job was a good thing for my mental health, and I’m sticking by that.

Girl crush has burnt out so fast. She got so weird, and it just aided in Tony and I feeling like she’s a giant ass red flag.

Quitting my birth control was like a 50/50 decision. On one hand the side effects that wrecked my body are gone. On the other hand, my period comes full speed and my moods are real fucking insane. I was thinking today that maybe the autism was kept semi-hidden because of (extreme masking) the hormones. Idk if that even makes sense but, still.

I don’t like talking about my autism because I feel like it makes people perceive me as attention seeking. That’s weird right? But talking about it has helped me realize so much about myself. The breakdowns I had as a kid where I would lose my absolute mind and my parents didn’t know what to do so they yelled back. (I don’t feel anything negative towards them about it. They are on the spectrum too. ) Preferring to be by myself when I played. Rocking all the time lmao. It’s so funny to think. My parents used to see me rocking in the car and they’d say “she’s just bopping”. I love/hate the fact that they didn’t know I was autistic and just thought I was quirky.

My goal this year is to move more and be outside more. My body is having a really hard time with chronic pain and I’m trying to combat it. Soft movements and stretches, resting, hydrating, listening to my body, and meds of course. Hopefully I can get my medical card for weed and it can help some too. I really don’t want to be on pain pills. I’ve not gone to the doctor for the pain I’ve felt forever because I’m scared I’ll be seen as a drug seeker. Which is silly but that’s my brain.

People tell me a lot that I’d be a good mom. And I think that’s kinda true. But the reason I don’t want kids (besides the responsibility part?) is I struggled my whole life with having giant feelings and not knowing what to do with them. They physically made me sick and made me ache. I know itd be different because I could help the kid but it seems too much. It’s just not for me.

I want to talk about the wedding more than I am. I need to get out of my head that I’m this giant burden when I’m not even talking that much.

A funny thing about my brain that I find hard to articulate is how edibles really level me out and make me functional. Sometimes it makes me chill. But I slept until 8 today, got up and chored, went back to sleep at 10, got up at 2 and went for a hike/walk, ate some lunch, napped again from 4-7, and did the barn chores. Then I ate 500mg of edibles- did a little laundry, gathered trash, vacuumed, did litterboxes, swept upstairs, and did some self care all within 2 hours. Some days I take 100mg and can function like a soccer mom on a school night, but some days like recently, it takes more just to mellow me out to function.

I want to find a way to document how my brain sounds and I have some of it saved on TikTok. Some days it’s like a crowd of people all talking at once, and while they’re talking, you hear at different times more prominent things. And during those talkings, a song is playing and it’s somehow loud. It sounds like word vomit but that’s a good way of explaining it.

[nerdy-hyperfixations]

In a body swap AU—assuming Phoenix has ADHD, is diagnosed, and has medication he has to take on a regular basis (which… it’s the US… so, unlikely. But regardless.)—would Phoenix still need to take ADHD meds in Miles’ body? One could argue no because Miles doesn’t have ADHD but since a body swap is kinda like swapping brains/personalities and ADHD is a neurodivergency (meaning a difference in the brain in simplest terms) you could argue that yes he would still have ADHD. Plus, as someone with ADHD, it’s such a massive part of my personality, because it affects my entire life, if he didn’t would he still be Phoenix?

So, okay. Assuming he has ADHD—for the sake of avoiding the existential question on what makes us who we are and how that would change if a part of us was removed—would he still have to take his meds? How would that even work? Would he have to attempt to ween Miles’ body onto his medication? Unaware of how long for? No way is he just taking his normal dose, that could be damaging to Miles’ body, right? And if he doesn’t take it does he just get all the damaging withdrawal symptoms? Or would he not because he’s in a body that wasn’t taking those meds?

And does Miles have to take those meds in Phoenix’s body??? ‘Cause if he doesn’t then Phoenix’s body gets withdrawal symptoms? Or would it not change anything if Miles didn’t take Phoenix’s meds in Phoenix’s body because the meds change chemicals in the brain and technically he doesn’t have Phoenix’s brain in Phoenix’s body, even though he does? I mean really they are physically in each other’s bodies, including brains, but their souls must be connected to their brains—I assume—otherwise they would just *be* each other when they swap, so what effects on the brain/body do and don’t occur in that case? Why are there no articles on the logistics of body swaps!?

I’m glad I don’t take meds (is it obvious?) because if I ever am in the situation that I have swapped bodies with another person we don’t have to worry about dying. Unless they are an avid mountain climber. I might die if that’s the case.

[pet-genius]

A complex and many-layered thing

But Harry’s anger at Snape continued to pound through his veins like venom. Let go of his anger? He could as easily detach his legs. . . .

This is the first Occlumency lesson. Harry is right, of course. Feelings don’t go away because you want them to. To let go of them when they’ve not been addressed or validated can be as hard as detaching a leg. And yet, it’s what Dumbledore asked Snape to do, and it’s what Snape had to do to survive the first war as Dumbledore’s spy. You have to ask yourself… how?

Trapped animals chew off their own legs to escape. It’s a sacrifice they make to survive.

If there’s one thing in a fic that turns me off it, it’s the idea that Occlumency shields are a thing, that Severus was so gifted at it because he’s got some power like Second Sight or being a metamorphagus. I always preferred to think of Occlumency and Legilimency as skills that can be learned, even if some have more aptitude for it than others.

Severus entered Hogwarts with the kind of life experience that primed him for developing these skills, and left it with even more. Occlumency is magical dissociation, a post-traumatic coping mechanism, and Severus has C/PTSD. More under the cut; tw: just general angst.

To survive, he would have had to develop a knack for telling how explosive and unpredictable people feel. Over his life, he faced at least two egregious examples of what Pete Walker, author of “Complex PTSD” calls “the Charming Bully”.

Especially devolved fight types can become sociopathic. Sociopathy can range along a continuum that stretches from corrupt politician to vicious criminal. A particularly nasty sociopath, who I call the charming bully, probably falls somewhere around the middle of this continuum. The charming bully behaves in a friendly manner some of the time. He can even occasionally listen and be helpful in small amounts, but he still uses his contempt to overpower and control others. This type typically relies on scapegoats for the dumping of his vitriol. These unfortunate scapegoats are typically weaker than him. […] He generally spares his favorites from this behavior, unless they get out of line. If the charming bully is charismatic enough, those close to him will often fail to register the unconscionable meanness of his scapegoating. The bully’s favorites often slip into denial, relieved that they are not the target. Especially charismatic bullies may even be admired and seen as great.

These would be James Potter and Tom Riddle, who are distantly related, I might add. Harry inherited the tendency to default to the fight response, but since he grew up the scapegoat and not the golden child, he never becomes quite as appalling, and after all, a fight response is normal when they are after you. Even so, Harry, who has both James and Voldemort inside him, triggers Severus to no end. It’s not a coincidence that the memories Harry sees when he is with him are largely horrible, and vice versa. There had to be happy or at least neutral or even boring moments, but these two detest each other, and they know they detest each other. Negative emotions and associated memories are so close to the surface they can’t be contained. This is the purpose of the Pensieve in this context - to contain the emotions. Since Severus knew what was in there when he pulled Harry out, my theory is that you don’t suddenly forget the memories you placed there, but rather you make them less fraught with emotions.

“Get up!” said Snape sharply. “Get up! You are not trying, you are making no effort, you are allowing me access to memories you fear, handing me weapons!”

Harry stood up again, his heart thumping wildly as though he had really just seen Cedric dead in the graveyard. Snape looked paler than usual, and angrier, though not nearly as angry as Harry was. “I — am — making — an — effort,” he said through clenched teeth.

“I told you to empty yourself of emotion!”

“Yeah? Well, I’m finding that hard at the moment,” Harry snarled.

“Then you will find yourself easy prey for the Dark Lord!” said Snape savagely. “Fools who wear their hearts proudly on their sleeves, who cannot control their emotions, who wallow in sad memories and allow themselves to be provoked this easily — weak people, in other words — they stand no chance against his powers! He will penetrate your mind with absurd ease, Potter!”

A lot to unpack here.

“Memories you fear,” “weapons”, “easy prey”.

Fearing your own memories, viewing your own lived experiences as weapons to be used against you, being easy prey… Severus could not be speaking louder of himself here. He is the one whose mind had been penetrated with absurd ease, he is the one who handed weapons to Voldemort, and he is the one who had to do the psychological equivalent of detaching his own leg – again and again – to survive.

I’ll argue that Severus developed a fawn response and a flight response, as fighting had never really worked out for him if it was possible at all. He had at least two more people I’d describe as bullies in his life, Tobias and Lucius.

Again from Pete Walker:

These [fawn] response patterns are so deeply set in the psyche, that as adults, many codependents automatically respond to threat like dogs, symbolically rolling over on their backs, wagging their tails, hoping for a little mercy and an occasional scrap. Webster’s second entry for fawn is: “to show friendliness by licking hands, wagging its tail, etc.: said of a dog.” I find it tragic that some codependents are as loyal as dogs to even the worst “masters”.

Remember what Sirius called him? Lucius’s lapdog. Bellatrix called him Dumbledore’s pet, Dumbledore said he dangles on Voldemort’s arm, the narrative compares Snape to a rabbit in SWM and Harry compares the Half Blood Prince to a beloved pet who had gone feral (yes, this does mean a lot to me on a personal level, yes my username is not a coincidence).

His unconscious fawn response might have been his undoing, drawn as he was to figures like Lucius and Voldemort. As an adult, I think he utilized the skills he had developed to survive in order to stitch these people up, and involuntary dissociation and fawning became Occlumency, which to me, is his signature magic. Harry needed only to banish Voldemort from his mind; Severus could not settle for this. He had to give Voldemort something, and knowing how to fawn meant knowing what to give him and how to draw himself in such a light that Voldemort would believe it. We see how he wanted to be seen by the Death Eaters: a self-serving coward who sought to hide behind Dumbledore’s apron, playing his pet. But that’s Pettigrew, not Snape. Imagine the self-immolation, the self-violation, it must have taken to convince everyone that you’re an ersatz Wormtail! Snape is a man and a prince, and the text recognizes this as Harry calls him, in the end, Dumbledore’s man, the bravest man, and as that chapter is called “The Prince’s Tale”. Voldemort thought Snape was nothing more than a “good and faithful servant,” and that his last words were “My Lord”.

But Severus had an unequaled gift for Occlumency, specifically against Voldemort, because Voldemort could not legilimens what he couldn’t feel; and he couldn’t feel love, grief, guilt, and remorse. This was Severus’s secret weapon, which would not have worked against Harry - who can feel these things, and who is also Lily’s son. I can prove it. The first time Harry gets the hang of Occlumency is after Dobby dies:

His scar burned, but he was master of the pain; he felt it, yet was apart from it. He had learned control at last, learned to shut his mind to Voldemort, the very thing Dumbledore had wanted him to learn from Snape. Just as Voldemort had not been able to possess Harry while Harry was consumed with grief for Sirius, so his thoughts could not penetrate Harry now, while he mourned Dobby. Grief, it seemed, drove Voldemort out . . . though Dumbledore, of course, would have said that it was love. . . .

Harry learned to dissociate, though fortunately in a healthier way than many of us ever get to.

Of course, Snape was a good and faithful servant… to Dumbledore, which brings us to the flight response. The chapter wherein he escapes after killing Dumbledore is called “Flight of the Prince”. He should be fighting, he had just proven that he can cast a killing curse, and yet he flees. He can literally fly, in fact: He, Lily, and Voldemort are the only ones we see pulling this off.

As a child, we see this too: He copes with his home situation by reminding himself “it won’t be long and I’ll be gone.” He is thrilled when he imagines Hogwarts, his escape; he follows Lily out of the carriage instead of confronting James and Sirius head-on (which might have saved them all a lot of pain eventually). But this doesn’t work out, we see that in terrifying detail. The next attempt at an escape is joining the Death Eaters, but this too doesn’t work out.

He can’t flee anymore.

“Severus, you cannot pretend this isn’t happening!” Karkaroff’s voice sounded anxious and hushed, as though keen not to be overheard. “It’s been getting clearer and clearer for months. I am becoming seriously concerned, I can’t deny it —”

“Then flee,” said Snape’s voice curtly. “Flee — I will make your excuses. I, however, am remaining at Hogwarts.”

Shortly thereafter:

“Severus,” said Dumbledore, turning to Snape, “you know what I must ask you to do. If you are ready . . . if you are prepared . . .”

“I am,” said Snape.

He looked slightly paler than usual, and his cold, black eyes glittered strangely.

He was ready, and he was prepared. He didn’t fly; he walked toward what might well have been his end with open eyes, armed only with the strength of his mind. Before Voldemort killed him, he looked pale, again, and terrified.

“I sought a third wand, Severus. The Elder Wand, the Wand of Destiny, the Deathstick. I took it from its previous master. I took it from the grave of Albus Dumbledore.”

And now Snape looked at Voldemort, and Snape’s face was like a death mask. It was marble white and so still that when he spoke, it was a shock to see that anyone lived behind the blank eyes.

I ask myself if this was the moment he realized he had been betrayed, that by giving Dumbledore a painless death he had secured his own. Maybe he wasn’t pale because he was scared; maybe he was pale because he was shocked. He was at his absolute limit, Occluding with all his might when he could have easily saved himself. The dam is about to break. All the memories he feared, all the weapons, the entire content of his heart is about to spill through - literally.

He fawned for Voldemort, the worst of all possible masters, but in the end, he was Voldemort’s undoing. All the ways in which he was weak and powerless against Tobias, James, Lucius, et al., proved to be part of goodness and source of his power. It doesn’t surprise me in the least that Snape is so loved. I’ve never actually seen such love for any other fictional character. He represents a kind of courage that many of us need to get by, lest we simply become evil or give the fuck up (“I wish I was dead”). A kind of courage rarely celebrated. The more time I’ve spent in the fandom in general and in the Snapedom in particular, the more I am convinced of this.

[deidearly]

Kakashi Relationship Headcanons

Guess who’s back with another relationship headcanon today? And as usual, I had a good time writing this one even got slightly carried away, hehe. Enjoy! XX. 

Well— Hatake Kakashi, huh? Dating him would be such a roller coaster ride, tbh. It’s like, one moment he’s so clingy, fragile, so afraid of losing you— but one moment he’s like, “Just do what you need to do. I don’t really care.” This is due to the fact that he’s got a lot of things in his mind and occasionally struggled to sort out his priorities. 

Anyway, of course you’ve complained about his ‘reading-smut-in-public’ issue, especially when you’re together. You two would come up with an agreement somehow. But to piss you off, he’d pretend like you’re the one who’s obsessed with reading smuts.

You’re browsing for some important books and he playfully yelled, “Y/N! Come here, it’s your favorite book— Icha Icha Tactics! My, I know you’ve had four books, but another one won’t hurt, right? Since you love it that much!” making everyone in the bookstore giggled.

He received “Y/N Signature Punch” that day.

To your surprise, he’s not very secretive about his relationship with you. In fact, you’ve caught him frequently use you as an excuse for him to escape some unwanted occasions.

Let’s say Gai was asking Kakashi to fight him like usual— and he wasn’t having it that day. “Gai, with all respect— I would gladly accept your challenge. But can’t you feel the springtime of romance youth is blooming? I must see Y/N immediately.”

Gai’s tearing up.

Don’t worry, he actually went to your place.

“Yo. Can we hang out? I just told Gai that I would come to your place. Please say ‘yes’ to make me less of a jerk, will you?”

Would totally show up in front of your place at an ungodly hour.

At first it surprised you but now you’re used to it.

You just finished your mission, it went pretty well but you felt there were some wasted chances due to your captain’s miscalculation. It’s nearly 2 AM but you caught yourself wide awake, reviewing back your battle– only to got distracted by a knock on your bedroom’s window. Instead of turning your head in surprise, you already knew who it was. To have a little fun for yourself, you ignored the sound, which was later followed by a second knock. Walking over to the window, you saw a silver-haired man with a mask. Although half of his face was covered, it’s obvious that a smile was apparent. “Yo.” he greeted, but you replied with a sigh. “You could actually knock on the door and I’d let you in through the door. It’s something normal people would do, Kakashi.” you grumbled, opening the window for him to get in. “Ah, spare me the lecture!”

So, reverse psychology works best for Kakashi. Like the Icha Icha Tactics– the more you ignore his behavior, he would actually try not to read his book in public like you told him to. But the more you complain, he’d read it in places where he shouldn’t be reading it at all. This method works in almost every cases.

You’ve been dating for weeks, but you haven’t seen his face.

Yes, when kissing, too.

You’ve had enough of kissing fabric. 

You had planned to make a dinner together at his place. He was preparing the dishes and you’re about to finish your cooking, when he suddenly asked, “Hey, Y/N. Have you ever wondered what would I look like under this mask?” You were dying to know actually. So, now you’re stuck with two options: (a) be honest about it, (b) pull out another reverse psychological answer— and you chose the latter. “Huh? Not really,” you shrugged, “I don’t really care so it’s not like I’m eager to see it.” and of course, this was a lie. Kakashi went silent for a while. “Anyway, dinner’s re—“ you swore you could’ve dropped the whole pan when you saw an unfamiliar presence. “Kakashi?” you asked hesitantly. The man looked up with a questioning look, “Why are you blushing?” he replied casually.

“ANYONE WITH A DECENT EYESIGHT WOULD BLUSH TOO, YOU STUPID.”

He’s honestly so heavenly to look at.

Sometimes it’s just too overwhelming to see his whole face, you thought.

It’s safe to say that it’s a privilege to be able to see his face. But due to his immense charm, you’d prefer to have him with a mask on.

“Y/N, I feel naked without my mask—“ , “And I honestly feel like I’m being forced to see an illicit nudity, too. Put your mask on, it’s fine honestly.”

He’s been very good at his job for almost his whole life, a fine shinobi. So, he’s rarely exposed to mundane things, moreover a relationship. Thus, making him quite restrained in expressing himself. Plus, he was labelled with some negative titles, saying how cold-blooded he was and he just decided to live with it. This, obviously, requires a lot of patience.

But he’s determined to change, the first step he took was letting you in— into his life.

It started rocky, though.

He’d say something like how he didn’t care much about you and sadly, he really didn’t.

But as the time went by he realized how your presence has been the one that helped him through it. How you’ve always been there to comfort him, by listening to him, giving him a lot of supports, or simply by reminding him that he’s not completely alone.

And when that moment came, he’s sworn to protect you with all his might.

He had a lot of nightmares, he still does, unfortunately. But when you’re around, your presence eases him up a little.

When you’re not around, however, he’d rather spend all night unhealthily tiring himself until he fall asleep.

His personal favorite would be curling up next to you with his hand around your waist while hiding his face near the crook of your neck as he’s giving you some soft neck kisses.

Again, NECK KISSES.

He had a hard time trying to open up himself fully to you and this applies to romantic gestures, I believe. He surely would take his time to explore you, what you like, and what he likes.

Would shower you with kisses, all over your face without missing a spot. He greatly admires every inches of yourself. 

Body worship, oof.

Lowkey (semi highkey) protective.

Lowkey (semi highkey) a show-off.

Would straight up jump to save you if it’s necessary.

And since he’s a show-off, he lowkey loves PDA— but the soft ones, of course. You two would always get spotted together. He would casually sling his arm around your shoulder or lazily has his hand wrapped around your waist.

Favorite time to spend with you is training together. No matter how many times you’ve told him to “fight with an intent to win” he simply refuses— saying how, he’s “far too powerful” for you.

But deep down he just doesn’t want to hurt you…

Chatting in the middle of a training

“Tsunade-sama hasn’t assigned me any missions lately *throws kunai*” , “Maybe if you threw your kunai accurately, she will. *dodge kunai*” , “Kakashi, shut your pretty mouth up. *throws MORE kunai aggressively*”

When you turned him down while he was showing off his new tricks, though, it weirdly turned him on.

He loves someone powerful, with a right amount of cocky.

Doesn’t talk big. He’s a man of action— his action speaks louder than words!

Doesn’t spoil you that much, though. Because it’s actually him who needs to be spoiled.

Really loves it when you trace your fingers all over his skin— it’s intimately soft, he claimed.

LOVES YOUR SCENT. Has it memorized probably.

He’d prefer someone independent. Someone who could actually take care of themselves instead of relying on him completely. 

Anyone too childish would remind him of Team 7, tbh.

Speaking of Team 7, they would probably be the one to get introduced to you.

Naruto was so shocked to find out that his sensei was capable to develop a romantic feeling towards someone. But he had his doubt— do you really know Kakashi? He started to bombard you with questions to test your knowledge.

“So, do you know what’s Kakashi Sensei’s favorite—“ , “I’ve seen his face. Multiple times.” , “YOU WHAT?”

Complained and sulked about it, “Kakashi Sensei, we’ve trained together for years. How could you?!”

Sakura was confused.

“How? I know he’s probably very handsome under that mask but come on, Y/N, reading smut in public? That’s an absolute no.”

On the contrary, Sasuke was thrilled, internally.

“Yeah. Finally. Old man has someone to annoy besides us. About time.”

He has a pretty bad behavior, too. Unlike Gaara, who’d put an emotionless facade when he’s only in the Kazekage mode, Kakashi would treat you just how he feels like doing it that day. 

Let’s be real, he has so many bottled up feelings inside his heart so it’s not a surprise that someday, somehow, a random painful emotion just hit him— hard, and he shut himself out.

The hospital is the place you immediately visit right after Kakashi’s arrival after a mission because you know he’d be there— reading his book with a few bruises here and there. But this time was a bit different. When he’s hospitalized, he would whine about you not being able to stay more than an hour— but right now you’re puzzled, since he’s been completely silent and avoiding you, answering your questions with a mere shrugs.

Tsunade told you that the mission went pretty well, thanks to Kakashi for eliminating all the enemies on the field, singlehandedly. You automatically knew that it must brought up his past traumas. “Kakashi, it’s not your fault.” you decided to speak, earning a glance from Kakashi, but that’s it. “It’s a mission and you protected all of your comrades!”

“I killed them, Y/N. I didn’t have to, but I did.” he said, with his eyes still glued elsewhere. “Every time I look at my hands, I feel dirty. It reminded me of that—“, “Kakashi, look at me.”

You moved closer to his bed, reaching out your hand and traced your fingers softly on his face. His cheeks were cold, and you could clearly see how he was slightly trembling with teary eyes. “Kakashi, if you didn’t do it— it could’ve been your own comrades. Now they’re safe and sound, thanks to you.”, you paused as he slowly began to move his sight to you. “And if I could meet you way sooner, I would remind you every day that it’s never your fault— it’s never been. You’re a good person, Kakashi. I, and all of us, are forever thankful for the things you’ve done.” you whispered, now wiping a few tears that fell down to his cheeks. A weak smile started to bloom, “I’m forever thankful for you as well, Y/N.”

[custom-emojis]

genq do you ever wonder if it’s like. worth it. bc if i were y’all id have deleted my entire social media presence 12x over by now

Oh every fucking day. Y’all have no idea 😂 like I don’t wanna complain or seem all woe is me. But i have considered burning this blog to the ground multiple times and especially lately it really does kinda take a toll on me. Here’s a list of various things I deal with due to this blog AND it’s associated discord;

I cannot talk about any of my interests or opinions lest be ripped apart and have my income demolished

People purposely going out of their way to trigger me? For some reason

Blatant transphobia and misgendering ? For some reason?

Death threats????? For some reason???????

Directly being told I deserved and likely enjoyed my abuse

Having my content stolen, reuploaded and edited near constantly

Having said stolen content made into stickers and sold on websites like Aliexpress where I can’t get them taken down

People making literal hate videos about me because I… expressed my sexuality?

This is lesser but. A lot of people just fucking demand content straight up? No thanks, no please. Not even context. I get a lot of asks that are just ‘x emoji’ or just a single word of what they want with no explanation.

People coming into my DMs and just venting and traumadumping to me COMPLETELY unprompted when I’d never talked to them in my life because I’m ‘popular’ and I guess that’s just acceptable to them?

People entirely only interacting with me with the intentions of boosting their own shit / getting stuff out of it ?? Which like idk I don’t mind helping people out but I would prefer if ppl also like. Interacted outside of that

People going out of their way to just straight up ask my discourse opinions? Or just straight up telling me theirs! No matter how many times I say it’s a trigger and that I want no part in it. Similarly, people just fucking assigning a discourse opinion to me that they feel fits best and spreading that as if it’s fact when I’ve not said anything about it.

People just. Straight up thinking I’m their best friend? Or even being actively affectionate or even romantic towards me when we’ve never interacted before?

A whole slew of the weird and absolutely absurd shit ppl send to me on anon. If you’ve followed me for any amount of time you’ve surely seen some

People like. Obsessing and idolizing my relationships? Like it gets really creepy sometimes how much ppl get rly into my dating life. ^^;

And like. That’s just what I thought up on the fly with my husband. And sure to an extent some of this is just tumblr being tumblr. Or people being shitty. But the fact all this happens and revolves around an emoji blog is a little wild. Don’t get me wrong- I love running this blog. And I will continue to. I definitely think the pros outweigh the cons. But I also think a lot of ppl don’t quite realize how much comes from it bc I really don’t post as much abt the bad as I used to. Ppl… complained abt it lol ppl complained abt me answering anon hate and complained that I posted negative content at all, so I just stopped unless I feel it’s

Important

Funny or I can make fun of them

Something I need to set a hard boundary on.

Anyways I didn’t rly expect to go on such a rant. I’ve just been super burnt out and thinking abt this a lot lately. I don’t plan to stop doing it anytime soon but I’ve been trying to kinda. Be a bit more stern on shit and hold my ground a bit more. Thanks for the ask honestly, gave me a reason to sit down and explain some of this.

[tokoyamisstuff]

Tender Ch. 1 - Loki x Mute! Reader

Summary: Even though Loki doesn’t understand why the new member of the Avengers should be kind to him of all people, he doesn’t want you to stop either.

Warnings: Loki being depressed, the Avengers being kinda mean, mentions of Torture and Death

Words: ~2100

[Story Masterlist] [All of my Works]

All eyes were on him again.

As soon as Loki would step inside, the previously lively room would fall completely silent. Well, it’s not like he wasn’t used to being the involuntary kill-joy...

Usually, the God of Mischief craved attention, may it be positive or negative - most of the time being the latter. But lately, after months of having all those distrustful and hostile glares piercing holes into him, he’d rather wish for the ground to swallow him whole.

“Umm, so...I gotta go.” Natasha was the first one to flee the unpleasant atmosphere, not even putting the energy into mutter anything else than a cheap excuse on her way out. Clint wordlessly followed her close after, but not without shooting the Odinson one last, spiteful look.

Loki on the other hand was picking on his hands, a nervous habit he had inherited from his mother. As much as he tried to avoid meeting their eyes, the tensioned aura they were emitting making him feel close to breaking down completely - but he would never give them the satisfaction to witness this, he swore to himself.

And yet: Maybe he should just leave. Disappear, forever.

Although he’d never admit, Loki had grown very tired of his life following this stirr path, unable to diverge into a new direction. Everything he did would ultimately bring death and destruction upon mankind, inflicting fear in the hearts of all people.

His whole existence was based on being condemned to fail - just for others to reach their ‘glorius purpose’.

“Great” Tony scoffed. “Now they’re gone. Well done, prince of nothing.” Steve cut his friend off, clearing his throat very exaggeratedly.

The god still hadn’t moved from the doorframe of the conference room, while all others were already sitting on the oval-shaped table. He didn’t got what all that fuss was about. If Steve didn’t insist him to attend this emergency meeting, he’d just have gone about his usual business and avoided everyone as good as he could.

“C’mon, brother” Thor sighed, well knowing that if his brother was to stay in the team, it would ultimatively drive a wedge between them. All that pressure in the air was straining for everyone, including himself. 

Tony on the other hand was pretty chill about everything, aside of being passive-aggressive. This was probably due to their similar coping styles.

Even though his near-death-experience back when he stopped the Chitauri was still eating on his mental health, he’d prefer glossing over it with stupid jokes and overly confident behaviour. “No sassy remark today, Reindeer Games?”

Stark was leaning back in his chair, arms crossed as he rose an eyebrow on the god, who only muttered a hoarse “No...not today.”

Yeah, it was kind of his style to break the unsettling silence through puny comments or self-glorifying speeches, to distract from his own insecurity.

But right now, he was just so damn tired.

Of this planet and it’s people, as well as the humiliating circumstances he had to dwell in. The fact that he was a prisoner at the Stark Tower, amongst his worst enemies. Being forced by his brother to keep up this meaningless act, as if he’d ever be seen as a team member or ally - when in reality, he was but a slave to the people he once ought to reign.

Just like back on Asgard: Never one of them, never belonging. No way to break free - for his true self was something to be loathed.

However, first and foremost the one thing he was especially tired of was himself, for he couldn’t get out of his own skin. Not only could he never be considered a hero, let alone be redeemed.

After all the atrocities he had commited due to Thanos’ torture and the tesseract’s influence,  now that he woke up from that naive dream of power stilling the emptiness in his dark heart, there was nothing left for him - other than to be haunted by his crimes until the mercy of death would overcome him.

“Well” Steve began, slamming his palms on the desk to attract everyone’s attention. “As you all know, we are welcoming a new team member today.”

“They all know?” Of course they wouldn’t let him in on such sensitive information. Not that he minded either way - one Avenger more or less, it didn’t matter how many people hated him in here.

“Please, come on in.”

Loki cleared the entrance when he heared Tony’s words, turning around in anticipation of another dull creature like the Hulk to torment him - but his calm demeanour dropped completely at this unusual sight:

“Y-You?!”

That was simply not possible! The last time he had seen you was almost a year ago, and you were on the brink of death at that!

“For everyone that doesn’t know yet: Her name is Y/N Y/L/N. She is one of the victims HYDRA experimented on, and they succeeded in forming an artificial mutant.”

Steve went on and on explaining about your powers, but Loki’s head had already turned on autopilot, the only thing he could concentrate on being how the hell you of all people ended up here.

All these months, he was desperately trying to get any information about you, all of his hints ultimately leading him to dead ends - and in the end, tragically believing in your imminent death.

The memories were still painfully vivid in his mind: It was his first mission together with the Avengers, at a HYDRA hideout with most likely no civil survivors.

Actually, he had planned to make his escape right when the others engaged in a fight, wandering the hallways of what resembled a torture chamber rather than a laboratory.

On the walls were several instructions, about a serum that might cause a human to mutate if they were exposed to unbearable stress - pain being the most effective method, apparently.

Yet instead of finding anything useful for his personal gain, he found you: A  beautiful woman, yet emaciated and lying in a puddle of her own blood. At first he thought you to be dead just like the others - but as soon as your faint whimpers drang to his ears, he burst the cell you were trapped in open, rushing to your side immediately.

“Shh...” the god scooped you up from the cold stone floor, wrapping his cloak around your broken body. “Everything is alright now. Your savior is here.”

Loki gasped as he felt your hand stroking his cheekbone, even through all your pain and weakness wanting to bid your hero this due respect.

“Hel...you humans are such fragile creatures...” Loki muttered under his breath, cursing his own lack of talent when it came to casting healing spells. “Hang in there, look at me!”

Your eyes were teary and bloodshot, yet not less fit to bring across a message no words ever could: Incredible gratitude, and admiration.

He could tell you were close to passing out when your hand left his face, falling limp to the side. But he held you firmly in his arms, not once stopping to utter sweet words of encouragement as he made his way to the ship, leading you into safety.

“Your world in the balance, and you bargain for one man?”

Those were the words he once directed at Black Widow - but only now he understood her attempts.

Saving one person could never make up for all the lives he had destroyed - and yet he knew that for you, it would mean the world none the less.

In one way or another, with your life at his mercy, he began to finally grasp the preciousness of life, and doing everything in one’s might to protect it.

“Reindeer Games” Tony tapped on his shoulders, making Loki wake from his pondering. “I’d appreciate if you didn’t scare her away on the first day already.”

Oh.

Just now he was noticing his own grim expression, having towered over your much smaller form this whole time with furrowed brows.

“My apologies” was his firm response, but you only shook your head, trying to tell him it was not a big deal.

So this was what you looked like when you’re not imprisoned, he realized when he took in your physique.

Much to his pleasure, all of your wounds had seemingly healed, and you finally gained some much needed weight. Like this, you looked so much more healthier - and most definetly even more bewitching than he remembered you.

If people had let him know, would he have visited your sickbed, aiding you towards health again? Who knows...

Yet somehow, he dwelled in the thought of you being able to lead a happy life now that you were free - which made your decision to seek out the Avengers in wish for more battles even harder for him to accept.

“You are incredibly strong, Lady Y/N” Loki spoke firmly, everyone else rolling their eyes at his usual exaggeration - but you knew he meant every word. “Be sure of my eternal respect.” 

The God of Lies’ eyes widened in excitement when you directed a warm smile at him, knowing for sure that this one was genuine. It wasn’t like those fake smirks the other Avengers gave him out of politeness, or the mocking laughs when they were making fun of or excluding him.

No - that one was just pure affection. And it left him in awe.

“Thank you for saving me back then” you signed, just for Loki shooting you a puzzled look.

“What, I thought the all-tongue knows every language?” Tony yelled, as inconsiderate as always. Thor was quick to explain on his brother’s stead, him still being deeply invested with you. “Every spoken one, yes. ASL is not one of our fortes.”

Usually, Loki had always been a quick thinker. But right now he was to bewildered by your appearance that thinking straight was out of the question.  

What language were they speaking of? And why have you not been saying anything up until now? Maybe his presence was making you uncomfortable, after all? Should he leave on your behalf?

To make it easier for him to understand, you rolled down your turtleneck, revealing the unsighty scar that covered your whole throat.

There were not many people bold enough to come close to the God of Mischief without warning, yet suddenly you simply took his hand and slowly led it to your neck.

How could you be so naive and offer someone like him such a vital spot?! He’ll never get the human philosophy...

And yet, the flabbergasted god hesistantly let his hand run over the scar, while you opened your mouth to no avail - for 11 months already, no tone would leave your vocal cords.

“I’m incredibly sorry...” Loki whispered with a sorrowful tone, while the others just stared in disbelief. “If only I was able to heal this wound back then...”

What a puny god he was...and an even more pathetic wanna-be-hero at that...

He would try to take a few steps back, but you took a hold of his hand, squeezing it with both of yours, that cheerful smile not faltering in the slightest.

“Please, don’t be sad. I’m only alive thanks to you!” Bucky, whose cousin was mute as well, translated what you were signing for Loki. His tone sounded quite irritated, not fitting those meaningful words. “I only wanted to join the Avengers because I want to be just like you. You’re my idol!”

Those words touched him deeply, igniting a flame inside of him he thought long to be defunct. Was it hope?

Of course it was not nearly enough to pull him out of that deep, dark hole he felt trapped in for as long as he could remember - yet somehow, he now felt that it was not impossible to escape.

While the others were cringing at your declaration, making jokes about ‘choosing wrong idols’ or would plainly not believe Loki to have a positive effect on anyone, the two of you would just stare at each other in silent admiration.

Shyly, you signed yet another word for him - and this time, Loki would know what you mean from pure intuition. 

He smiled.

For the first time in what felt like forever, Loki was able to smile again, just thanks to your heartwarming welcome. And he was still blissfully unaware about what effect you could have on him, if he was brave enough to let you close.

One thing was sure: You literally had him wrapped around his finger from the very start.

[moonbeam-writing]

hey shawty could you write a karma x reader (she/her) angst to comfort where the reader has a crush on karma and she gets insecure cuz she sees him talking to okuda a lot and karma sees the reader talking to nagisa a lot and gets insecure but they make up in the end ty <3!!!

— Insecurities

๑ Requested by a lovely Anon! ♡

๑ Characters: Karma Akabane (Assassination Classroom)

๑ Quick Note: I'm so sorry that this took as long as it did to be posted! And that it can actually read rather platonically! I didn't mean for that to happen, however, I really hope you enjoy it! ♡

๑ Warnings: Slight angst and mentions of insecurity!

๑ Word Count: 1,180!

—

    (Y/N) sighed softly as she looked towards the front of the classroom. As much as she would have preferred to be passive about what she was seeing, (Y/N) couldn’t deny how badly it hurt her. 

        Since the first day she laid her eyes on Karma Akabane, and even more when his suspension ended, (Y/N) had found herself head over heels. The two weren't quite thick as thieves, however, they found themselves close enough for others to see them as best friends. That fact alone made seeing Karma and Okuda talking even harder.

    (Y/N) felt terrible about it, too. Okuda was easily one of the sweetest people she had ever met, and on top of that, one of the smartest. Most days, even in (Y/N)'s finest moments, (Y/N) compared herself to the girl Karma was occupying himself with. The envy that she felt flood through her veins on what was becoming a regular basis made her feel sick. 

    Luckily for her, (Y/N) felt a hand on her shoulder, pulling her from her thoughts. 

    "Hey, (Y/N)." The voice and hand belonged to Nagisa who was looking at her with obvious worry in his eyes. "Do you wanna go talk?"

        Shakily, or rather distractedly, (Y/N) nodded, letting Nagisa guide her out into the hall. 

        From where he was talking with Okuda, Karma watched the two go out into the hall, curiosity immediately making an appearance. What could (Y/N) and Nagisa have to talk about? Why did (Y/N) look all bummed out? He just didn't get it. What could those two have to talk about that they couldn't tell him?

    Thinking back on it, (Y/N) and Nagisa have been talking a lot more on their own recently. It had been happening more the last two weeks, yet this seemed different. Karma decided he would dig more into it in a minute. Right now he needed to pick Okuda's brain for his next assassination attempt. 

         Out in the hall, (Y/N) was sitting next to Nagisa on the floor, close to ripping her hair out.

    "I just don't get it!" She exclaimed, letting her head hit the wall behind her. "Like, she's so wonderful in every way, Karma deserves something like that, so why does it hurt so bad?"

    "Because you have feelings for him." Nagisa calmly responds. "(Y/N), this is normal for people in your situation. You can't keep beating yourself up for something like this."

 The girl just frowned and leaned her head against his shoulder. Nagisa was right, and even if it was deep down, (Y/N) knew it. She didn't know if it made her situation easier or harder for herself, though. She still couldn't grasp how to deal with all of the envy she was feeling and she hated it. She just wanted it to stop. 

    The door then suddenly opened, pulled (Y/N) away from her negative thoughts. Looking up, she saw that it was Karma and slight dread started pooling into her stomach. How much did he hear?

         "Mind if I cut in?" Karma acted as he always did; casually and as though their lives weren't insane. Karma himself caused certain amounts of envy in (Y/N) as well. To (Y/N), there was just so much to admire in him. 

        "Not at all," Nagisa replied, feeling the sudden tension. After that, Nagisa left without a word and Karma took his place. 

             The two sat in an odd silence. As comfortable as they were around each other, something was off. Karma knew something was wrong with (Y/N) and (Y/N) couldn't help but feel like she was in trouble. 

             "Are you doing okay, (Y/N)?" Karma's question took her by mild surprise. 

             "Hm? Of course I am." (Y/N) made the feeble attempt of playing dumb, but immediately knew that Karma wasn't that dumb. Never has been, and honestly, she wasn't sure why she tried. 

             (Y/N) had always known him well. Too observant for his own good, in her opinion. And while both things were true, he was also rather attentive to people's feelings. Granted, Karma usually used it for manipulation purposes, it usually came in handy for those who he cared about. (Y/N), whether she knew it or not, was one of those people. 

             "Liar," if the situation were a bit different, Karma likely would have chuckled a bit, however, this was more serious. (Y/N) had seemed a bit down and out for a while now, but the last week or so have been concerning. "You've been off, and I want to know why."

             (Y/N) bit her lip slightly and looked down. Any hope she had had of avoiding this was now entirely down the drain. "I just…" She wasn't sure if it was shame or embarrassment, but finding the right words felt difficult. "Why do you hang around me?"

             Her voice was small and pitiful and if Karma were anyone else, he likely would have physically reacted to it. Instead, however, he continued to somewhat stoically sit there next to her. Though on the outside he looked unfazed, maybe even bored, his mind was spinning. 

             What could she possibly mean by that?

             Karma wasn't entirely sure where this was coming from, if it had been something he did, or something he had said, however, Karma knew he needed to help her.

             "Are you kidding?" He asked, his tone bordered on incredulous and amused, hoping to ease any panic and to lift the mood a little. "You're one of my best friends. There's literally no one I'd rather be around most of the time."

             Karma's response caused multiple reactions in his listener as well as himself. While (Y/N)'s curiosity almost immediately mingled with her current insecurities, Karma just wanted to laugh at himself. Most of the time? Who was he trying to fool? What came out as most of the time was really all the time.

             "Really?" The pause after Karma's response gave (Y/N) a moment to push past her thoughts. She had realized that if Karma didn't care about her, then he definitely wouldn't sit in the hallway with her, let alone have what felt to be a sappy conversation with her. 

             "Really, really." As soon as the words left his lips, (Y/N)'s relief at the reassurance took over and she immediately hugged him. 

             Karma wasn't exactly one for affection, so for the second time in a single school year, he felt his face flood with heat, his skin nearly matching his hair. Despite how foreign it had felt, the fact that (Y/N) was the one hugging him made everything seem normal. Not even normal, but correct, like there was no one else he'd want holding him. 

             This moment solidified any feelings the others had towards each other. Karma felt comfortable and (Y/N)'s insecurities felt like they were instantly melting. This was a turning point for both of them and more importantly, it was one they were content with. 

[thevalleyisjolly]

Ok, I’ve rewritten this post several times because I really want this to be a productive and respectful discussion, but this is a conversation that does need to be started.  I’ve been thinking about the whole cultural appropriation story line in this season of The Unsleeping City so far, and of course I think it’s great that Cody is starting to realize why that’s wrong and that Murph is making it explicitly clear that it is wrong, but I want to reorient the conversation away from Cody now and talk about Ricky as a Japanese-American character.

Because when Zac went “Just to paint a picture for you...” during the museum fight episode, there was quite a bit of surprise from non-Asian people in the fandom that this was really a serious issue, and one that Ricky would be bothered by or speak up about.  But why wouldn’t he?  I mean, the character is Japanese-American, and so is the player.  Doesn’t it make perfect sense that he would at least be a little bothered by a white person appropriating Japanese culture?  Asian fans certainly noticed and pointed it out before that episode aired.  Ricky/Zac certainly noticed - go back through the episodes and observe how every time Cody pulled out a kunai or threw a shuriken, Ricky was cringing or facepalming with an uncomfortable laugh.  Even with seven different camera perspectives to watch at the same time, it should have been pretty clear in the fandom that this was an ongoing issue that would bother and was bothering Ricky.

And I think there are several different facets to this, but the one I want to address is how there’s a tendency in fandom to ignore or erase Ricky’s Japanese heritage.  Not literally (although there is a particular sting every time I see another Ricky fancast where the actor is of another Asian heritage than Japanese - Asian people are not interchangeable).  But especially prior to Season 2, there was a general trend in the fandom that liked to simplify Ricky’s character and overlook him as a complex player character because of traits that are very common in East Asian immigrant cultures.

Perhaps it’s because my heritage is East Asian and I’ve had more exposure to general cultural customs and behaviours among East Asian immigrants, but Zac’s portrayal of Ricky has always read as a very obvious Asian-American child of immigrants to me (and, y’know, Zac and Ricky are actually Asian-American children of immigrants).  Not expressing negative emotions out loud, not verbally articulating thoughts and feelings but expressing them through actions, deferring to other peoples’ needs first instead of expressing his own wants because it’s not about him.  With the caveat that I’m Chinese and not Japanese, these are common practices that I’ve observed in my own family, among friends and acquaintances (of various Asian heritages including but not limited to Chinese), in broader experiences with other East Asian immigrants.

(Asia is not a monolith and I’m not familiar with the immigrant cultures and experiences of people from other Asian heritages.  I specify East Asian here because that is broadly what I can speak on and because Ricky is Japanese, but other Asian people please feel free to discuss your experiences as well)

And obviously, these are not monolith traits observed at all times, I’ve definitely met plenty of East Asian immigrants who did express their emotions loudly, who used their words, who were assertive about their own needs and wants (this is not the post to be getting into different generations of immigration and the culture differences between those generations).  And it also depends on the context - from my own experience, in private within families, both emotions and words can get extremely loud (if you dare to risk the wrath of your elders by arguing with them!)  But my point is that the habits I pointed out above are still relatively common in East Asian immigrant cultures, even if not all individuals follow them at all times.

Particularly prior to Season 2, there was a common perspective in the fandom, usually couched in “uwu, I love that Zac is playing a hot dummy!!” that would go along the lines of “Ricky doesn’t have a character arc, he doesn’t get into conflicts with other people, he doesn’t say anything and is just happy to be there, he’s a shallow character who’s just a himbo.”  All of which I’d dispute, (*insert post here about Ricky as a character reclaiming Asian masculinity*), but I want to focus on how the main traits -refraining from overt emotions, remaining reserved in speech, not bringing up his own needs and wants- that were brought up and used to simplify and dismiss Ricky’s character were traits which are commonly found in East Asian immigrant communities.  The whole “remaining reserved/trying to avoid conflict” is something a lot of East Asian-American kids pick up at home because what you say or don’t say isn’t as important as what you do or don’t do.

And I mean, so much of Ricky is about doing things for people, showing his feelings through his actions, not his words.  Just because he wasn’t getting into PC conflict in Season 1, or expressing his emotions in the same ways as other PCs, doesn’t mean he was just a silent, cheerful himbo.  Which there’s nothing wrong with being a himbo, and it can be particularly empowering in Ricky’s case as an Asian man (see above linked post about Asian masculinity), but that’s not all there is to Ricky’s character!  And don’t get me wrong, I personally love that part of his ongoing character arc in Season 2 is speaking up about his feelings and expressing to other people what he wants (because there’s the “American” part of the Asian-American experience that’s not just about having Asian heritage but is also about negotiating that relationship in a place with different norms and customs).  But it doesn’t negate the “Asian” part of “Asian-American” either, which does impact and shape the way Ricky interacts with people and the world.

In hindsight, I don’t think it’s a coincidence that interest and meta in Ricky skyrocketed once he did start being more vocal and assertive in Season 2, which are common traits in many Western cultures.  And it’s not the only reason that there’s a deeper interest in Ricky now (shout out to all the Asian fans and allies who’ve been really diving into Ricky’s character this season!) and I choose to believe in good faith that it isn’t intentional or malicious (audiences do tend to gravitate more towards tangible moments of conversation and conflict rather than background acting).  But I think we as fans need to start questioning why as a whole, we really didn’t start giving deeper thought to Ricky until he began displaying more typically Western traits, because I think it’s emblematic of how, very subtly and unconsciously, we are used to privileging white “American” behaviour and ignoring or glossing over Asian (immigrant) traits.

In many ways, Ricky prior to Season 2 (and very arguably up until the museum fight), has been perceived in the general fandom as a sort of post-racial American-melting-pot character.  Fans don’t wholly ignore that he’s Japanese-American, you can’t really do that when his family name is “Matsui” and when the Season 1 finale showed that his interactions with the American Dream pretty strongly involved his parents’ immigrant experience.  But knowing intellectually that Ricky is Asian doesn’t always translate to actually perceiving him as an Asian person with all the implications and racial dynamics that entails.

An example of how this manifests: Ricky and Esther become a canon couple.  Numerous posts begin to appear (and periodically still do) that express opinions along the lines of Ricky/Esther being the only tolerable “het” couple.  Ignoring the fact that we don’t know Esther’s sexuality and we only have an offhand Ztream comment for Ricky, Ricky/Esther is a canonical interracial relationship between two non-white people, a Japanese man and a black woman.  Interracial relationships are already extremely poorly represented in media, to say nothing of interracial relationships between non-white people.   Yet we overlook the racial dynamics and only focus on the perceived queerness (or not) of the ship.

Or, for another example, taking the discussion on cultural appropriation and making it all about Cody’s flaws and character development, rather than considering how it affects Ricky as a Japanese man to see a white man disrespecting a part of his cultural heritage.

Anyways, I really urge D20 fans, especially if you’re not Asian, to start questioning and challenging how you really perceive characters, what kind of characteristics you tend to privilege and be drawn to and why, and what kind of fandom environment you shape in your interactions with the show and with other fans.  This is not to say that Ricky should be everyone’s favourite character or that you can’t dislike him, but it is important to think about why we have the preferences that we do.  I especially urge you to remember that Ricky Matsui is a Japanese-American character, that this was a deliberate choice which has been repeatedly brought up by Zac (who is a Japanese-American actor), and that you cannot and should not ignore Ricky’s heritage when you think and talk about him. 

(And if you think Ricky is being an “asshole” to Cody just for being, frankly, mildly perturbed in his direction because Cody spent most of the season so far being very offensive to Ricky’s cultural heritage, I really encourage you to think critically about your opinions and why you hold them.  And if, after thinking critically, you still don’t see why they’re wrong, please don’t let the door hit you on the way out.  Your conscious racism is not something that is welcome in this fandom, and Asian fans are not here to teach you better)

((White and non-Asian people can and should reblog this, but don’t clown around.  Productive, respectful discussion is welcome.  Asian fans are more than welcome to add their perspectives/agree/disagree, especially people with Japanese heritage))

[imgoingtohellsofuckit]

Not The One For You

Rodrick x Reader

Warning - Smut (don’t be too hard on it )

Summary - Rodrick’s parents don’t like you so you are having dinner with them to change their mind

Rodrick Heffley wasn't the brightest kid. It was pretty much universally known. So when you told your friends that you were dating the wannabe rock star. It's not like you two were that different. You liked the same music, both had an alternative style, both of you were older siblings, had families who only saw reasons to be disappointed in you. On the outside you two getting together seemed to make a lot a sense. However there were a lot of differences that your friends decided to focus on. Specifically that you were actually really smart and wanted a life that was normal. Well halfway normal. You were excited to keep the alt style but you wanted an actual job. Granted you were trying to be a mortician but still. You wanted the job, the house, the family and well Rodrick wanted the fame and the glory of being a musician.

"You guys are acting like me dating him now means I'm going to spend the rest of my life with him," You point out, "we are 17.... the only thing we know is that we like each other right now."

"Yeah but it's Rodrick," One of them points out, "he's incapable of taking care of himself. This is gonna be your life."

"Exactly! I mean what if you do end up getting like married?"

"Then I handle it then," You answer, "you are looking way too deep into this. We are just dating."

"Babe you ready?" Rodrick calls over.  You look back to see him a little bit down the hall from the circle of girls gathered around my locker.

"Of course Rod," You say as you shut the locker leaving your friends behind as you meet your boyfriend. He drapes his arm around you with a big smirk. Moving to plant a soft kiss on your forehead. My friends weren't the only ones who have problems with us. Rodrick's parents also found a lot to not like in our relationship. First of all Rodrick's mother is well- controlling to say the least. She saw another person in his life dressed in chains and all black, so she decided that I was just like the other people he hangs around with. Ignoring all the parts about me that aren't just my style. And whatever feelings about me his dad had all turned negative when Rodrick forgot to lock his bedroom door and his mom walked in.

"How was your day beautiful?" he asks as we head out to his van.

"It was slow- my calc teacher was riding my ass," You tell him, "deadass he wouldn't leave me alone. He sent me to the office for my outfit and they sent me back saying that it wasn't agaisnt dress code- because it isn't. And this mother fucker looks me dead in the eye and says- 'well if you didn't dress like a hooker I'd feel comfortable teaching you' which is like first off what the fuck."

"Thats gross- did you report him to the office?" Rodrick asks, "do I need to kick his ass?"

"I reported him and I called my mom- who by the way apparently is still on the phone with the principal," You say chuckling lightly, "and no you don't have to kick his ass- mostly because if you did.... you wouldn't win."

"Oh I totally could," He says, "I'm strong as hell."

"uH Rodrick babe I love you but he's the football coach and weighs 300 pounds," You say trying to explain it to him, "you'd get crushed. I still love you tho."

"I'm upset- I could kick his ass.... especially if he's being gross to you," Rodrick says. You nod unconvinced.

"How was your day?" You ask him.

"Boring - however I appreciated the pickup lines during history," He says, "it was cute..."

"I was gonna send my tittes but then I remembered your mom still reads your messages," You say smirking.

"Oh I missed out," He says, "think we can make a detour for a quicky in the car?"

"Your mom wants us there early," You remind him, "plus she's still on the fence about us being alone since she caught us in your room." He rolls his eyes lightly as we climb into his van.

"Yeah but let's say we make a detour to the store hookup in the back of the van and then grab some flowers or something for her to make it seem like we stopped for her," Rodrick suggests, "or maybe like a cake or something. To ya know show the peace..."

"Fine but you'd have to be quick," You tell him, "and you better tell me that your van is clean back there. Last time I got pizza in my hair."

"Clean... no it's not clean," He says, "but I brought a blanket and we can like spread it over the back... It'll be  fine..."

"Fine but the second I touch rotting food it's over," You say firmly. He smirks as he changes the course towards the store just up the street. He makes sure to get in the back line of the parking spots taking the furthest one from the store. He climbs in the back first shoving the trash around the back. The finally throws the blanket down across the back.

"Just like imagine rose petals and a bed and shit," He says. It's quite literally the opposite of the romance that I'd prefer but he's a giant punk dumbass so you have no idea why you would of thought this would be any different.  He sits down and looks at you with a goofy smile. "Malady would you like to join me?" You chuckle before climbing back to join him. The second you get back there he already starts yanking off his shirt. Way too excitedly for his own good. You smile as you move to pull off your layers. Finally as you both get to your underwear he looks at you excitedly. "You're so hot."

"Awe thanks cutie," You say as you climb on his lap moving to meet his lips. His hands fall to your waist. Holding on as you take full control of the situation. You can feel the excitement coursing through him. You chuckle lightly. You move to pull his member free from his boxers. The moving your own underwear to sink down onto his member. He lets out a loud moan as I set the slow pace.

"Mmm you're amazing," He says softly. You chuckle as you quicken the pace. Soft moans filling the car. You can tell you both are moving way more than you thought you would. Anyone on the outside would know automatically what was happening. All you can hope for is no one relaying the information back to Rodrick's mother. "Uhh baby," He moans loudly. You move pulling him into a deep kiss. Feeling the moans through the kiss. You can tell he's not gonna last much longer. You move laying back allowing him to take control. He smirks widely and starts at his assault. The moans filling the van. Echoing off the metal walls. Finally he pulls out. Spilling his load on your legs. "Did you?"

"No not yet," You say slightly annoyed at him finishing before you. He nods pulling your legs on his shoulders. Pulling you towards him. He latches his mouth on your clit trying his best to get you off. He's sloppy. But even the sloppiest technique when your this close could send you way over the edge. Your hand moves over your mouth as you come upon. Stifling the loud moans as you cum. He doesn't stop. He keeps going. Your body feels so good you could scream. He pulls away after a minute catching his breath.  "Come here," You demand. He complies clearly excited to see you like this. You move getting on your hands and knees. He looks like he's about to scream at the sight. He moves pushing himself in with out warning. Pounding into you as fast as he could.

"Mmmm I love you so much," He groans.

"I love you too Rod but please go faster," You moan. He complies. The van was filled with a pure moaning mess. "Oh Rod I'm gonna cum again." You can barely finish the words as you hit your second orgasm. He pulls out as you simply lay down on the blanket.

"Holy fuck," He says as he lays down beside you.

"Fuck Rodrick," You say softly, "we have to go see your parents after this."

"Yeah I guess we kinda went a little too hard," He says softly, "and we still have to actually get flowers or something."

"Ughh think you can manage that?" You ask, "I'm gonna go get cleaned up."

"Yeah what kind?" He asks.

"I don't care get something thats pretty but not a million dollars," You say as you sit up pulling your underwear back on. He nods as he follows suit in pulling on his own clothes. Once you both are fully dressed you climb out of the van. He takes your hand genteelly.

"You're beautiful you know that," He says smiling at you. You move pecking his cheek.

"Thanks Rod."

Once inside the store the two of you split up. You head to the bathroom to clean yourself up. Fixing you makeup and hair. Trying to make the whole thing less obvious. You meet him back at the entrance. He's holding two sets of flowers.

"Rodrick I know you're bad at math but I know you can at least count to thirty," You say chuckling.

"Actually I got these daisies for my mom," He says, "and these roses are for you." He hands the bouquet over to you. You take them with a big grateful smile. Moving in to pull him into a quick kiss. As you pull back he moves draping his arm around your shoulders. "Come on beautiful." As you both make your way to his van you can't help but smile. Sure he's not the most romantic boyfriend- he did just fuck you in the back of his disgusting van and instead of cleaning it to do so he threw a blanket over rotting food and old condoms. But the small gestures like the roses and the compliments. Really just prove that he's not as bad of a boyfriend as everyone thinks he is.

It doesn't take us long for you guys to reach his house. He holds your hand as he leads you both into the house.

"Rodrick is that you?" His mom calls.

"Yeah mom!" Rodrick yells back. His mom moves from the kitchen over to the doorway. She looks over us.

"Rodrick it is a 5 minute drive from the school to the house why did it take you almost an hour?" She asks him clearly not happy with you both. You smile nervously as you hand her the flowers. This dinner was my chance to fix the fact his parents didn't like me. And getting railed by their son right before this interaction was very much hurting my chances of this going well.

"We had to go to my mom's shop real quick then we picked up these flowers," You tell her, "sorry my fault. My mom wanted me to bring her a coffee." Her expression softens.

"Awe well thank you," She says, "how was your day Y/n?"

"Oh it was good," You tell her, "very productive."

"That's good! Here come with me I want you to taste this sauce for the pasta," She says brightly, "it's a new recipe." She starts moving off to the kitchen. Rodrick gives you a slightly impressed look before leading you both into the kitchen.

The rest of the dinner actually goes really well. Rodrick's mother despite her reserves after catching you and Rodrick seems to finally have forgiven you. Letting go of the stupid blame she had for you "corrupting her son" or whatever garbage she went on about.

"I hope Rodrick is being a gentleman," Mrs. Heffley says to you.

"Oh he is," You tell her, "he got me roses today. And he's always opening doors for me. Making sure to sent me good morning texts. He's actually a really good boyfriend." He smiles at you. You tighten your grip on his hand. She looks pleased with his answer. Greg starts to make a snarky comment but his brother kicks him from under the table.  

"That's good, I'm proud of you Rodrick," His mother says. His father looks between you and his son. Not completely convinced his son would act like anything other than the slob he knows.

"We are talking about this Rodrick right?" His father asks.

"Yeah actually," You say, "I know it might be hard to believe- I didn't believe it at first."

"What's so hard to believe about it?" Rodrick asks, "she's my girl and I want to make her happy-" The sweet words ending in a loud burp. Both of his parents sigh loudly. You simply chuckle. He looks over to you with a big smile. Then moves pecking your forehead.

"Yeah she's perfect for you Rodrick," Greg says, "anyone who can handle that- you better keep her around."

"Can it nerd," Rodrick says harshly.

"So what are you planning to do after school?" Mrs. Heffley asks you.

"I'm planning to go to school and studying mortuary science," You explain, "Mortician's are a job that's always gonna be there... And it helps that my grandmothers a mortician and is hiring me on her staff when I meet the requirements to join." She nods along to your words.

"Oh so you want a real job," His father says, "hmm Rodrick you could try that some time."

"No thanks old man," Rodrick says, "I'd rather stick something that actually matters. Like music... Not that I think your ambitions don't matter Y/n."

"No I understand," You tell him, "you have your dream and I have mine." You look to his parents. "Real jobs are relative... society is changing and becoming things like musicians and influencers is a lot easier than it was before." His mother chuckles nervously. You know that they have this thing against Rodrick's music. However you also know you want to support your boyfriend way more than you want his parents to like you. "I believe that Rodrick will do great in his music career...."

"Awe thanks babe-"

"If he works for it," You continue, "the music industry is hard and you have to stand out. I'm sure he'll get there but it'll take a lot of work."

"That's well put," His father says.

"She's very insightful," Rodrick says, "right babe?" You chuckle lightly. His mother looks back to you.

"So where is this school your looking at?" She asks you, "is it local? Or are you going away?"

"Oh it's local actually," You explain, "the next town over really but it's like a 20 minute drive." She nods. You give her a soft smile. "It's just a small college. I told Rodrick to check it out. They have a music production course which is apparently really nice."

"I've looked into it," Rodrick says, "and I don't know if school is for me... Considering I barely go when it's free I don't know if I want to pay to skip school all the time."

"You wouldn't be paying for all of it," His dad says, "if you actually go I might help... but you'd have to stay enrolled." Rodrick scoffs.

"School doesn't have to be for you Rod," You say to him, "but it's worth a look ya know. Maybe even a tour. You don't have to decide right now."

"Fine I'll tour it," He says, "we can tour together."

"Did she just get Rodrick to agree to tour a college?" His father asks in disbelief, "this isn't real?"

"Shhh don't say anything he might change his mind," His mother says quietly. Rodrick stabs at his pasta. He takes his last bite and then looks to his parents.

"I'm gonna drive her home," Rodrick says, "we'll probably stop to get something sweet on the way. That good?"

"Yeah of course," His mom says, "it was lovely seeing you Y/n."

"You as well Mrs. and Mr. Heffley, I hope I see you again soon," You say to them.

"Oh well how about you come to Grandpa Heffley's birthday party," Mrs. Heffley offers, "it'll be here and I'm sure the family would love to meet you... And you and Rodrick have been dating for a little bit now so I'm sure they'd love to see more than just the pictures you and Rodrick post online."

"Is that okay with you Rodrick?" You ask him.

"Sure it'll make it a lot less boring," Rodrick says, "can we head out now?"

"Yes Rodrick," His mother says clearly not loving his attitude. You wave to them as you stand. Rodrick leads you both out to his van.

"You sure that it's okay?" You ask, "If you don't want to then I don't have to go."

"It's literally fine," He says as you both get into his van, "honestly if you're there I'll actually have someone who likes me there." He gives you a smile. "I'd love it if you'd go."

"Then I'll go," You tell him, "it's nice that your parents seem to like me again."

"Yeah now I can have you over without my mom making us sit downstairs," Rodrick says, "and I don't have to hear the whole- 'are you sure about y/n?' speeches now." You chuckles.

"That's good," You say, "I love how your parents didn't like me but my mom adores you."

"Oh yeah I know," He says, "not the way I pictured that going honestly. I was afraid your mom would hate me."

"No she loves you!" You exclaim, "she thinks it's good that I'm with someone who likes to have fun... something about how I don't do that enough. And my grandma thinks you're funny."

"You're grandpa doesn't like me," Rodrick points out.

"Yeah well he doesn't really like me either," You add, "he's against anything that's different. I mean he's still harassing my mom about having two kids out of wedlock so there wasn't any hope for you babe."

"Didn't he want you to have like a chasty belt?"

"No he bought me a purity ring," You correct, "I gave it back to him saying that I don't believe in waiting til marriage and he called his priest on me... Ooo if I wear that would your mom like me more?"

"I think after she caught us having sex a thing about being a forever virgin won't really mean much," He says, "even if its a religious thing." You shrug in response.

"I tried," You say, "so whats this sweet thing you want to get on the way to mine?"

"You," He says with a smirk, "your mom home?"

"Not for another hour," You say brightly.

"Good because I think I've still got more in me."

"You're a dog Rodrick."

"And you love it," He says with a smirk.

“I really do.”