#also I had a rough day today
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I just want to fall in love with someone who makes me feel safe like even when we’re angry or sad or upset i just want to know that both of us are still going to be okay
#wlw#wlw mood#sapphic#sapphism#lesbian#today was….not good#and at one point i had a moment#where i was just unbearably SAD and LONELY because i didn’t have anyone to call or talk to about it#but im still really hopeful it will happen some day#because all i want in this world is to feel secure#and for others to feel secure around me#and for everyone to feel secure around people they love#because it’s so painful and scary when you don’t#but one day im going to be warm and happy in someone’s arms and will barely remember this at all#im manifesting it#im completely okay btw things just got a little rough#and in the incredibly stressful and dramatic times i was experiencing my brain STILL had to be gay#im gay and i like sleeping#also yeah i said i wouldnt post after midnight again like two days ago but whatever#im sad and want to yearn on the internet we can make an exception tonight
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tri-trans! happy#tdov 💘
#trigun#trigun stampede#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#meryl stryfe#available as a print also in the little heart#<-- guy who needs to work on promoting. but i just drew this for fun and for my own self happiness...#i drew an one piece vers of this before and i remembered it today while scrolling thru twitter#and knew i had to make a vers for them.... SOON MILLY WILL JOIN THEM TOO!!! love and peace!!!#they just make me sooo happy and its like. most ppl i interact with tends to hc them as trans so naturally. also the way nightow just#designed them. SO trans coded. sometimes i think about vash's design -- look at his little earring his hair his long red coat with the dips#it gets me every time. and meryl and wolfwood and milly... and actual trans canon chara elendira my love <3#anyway. im just happy being trans on this day. and everyday! it's been pretty rough but it's always nice to celebrate just being here#and with everyone else#ruporas art
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I missed these boys too much..... I spent four hours doing this for my beloved two sons and also Felix. (the foremost is genderbent versions I'm sorry, let me know if I need to tag it)
#fe three houses#ferdinand von aegir#felix hugo fraldarius#dimitri alexandre blaiddyd#listen i just love them all#and i kinda reversed the idea of ferdinand growing his hair out bc he had more important matters at hand#and was like what if she just chopped it off because it was in the way#its hard to even tell that they are girls tho because i tried to keep the outfits mostly the same ?#but i imagine felix would be bustier than ferdinand and also her hair slightly longer than canon#i missed these peeps so much and ive been saving them for a rough day and .... yeah#i did plan on drawing them tomorrow if not today but i needed the boost today#dimitri with all the tact in the world: HEY FERDINAND YOU AND FELIX HUH??? Im shocked you managed to win him over im still trying...#ferdinand: SWEATS NERVOUSLY#also you are a silly goose if you think i can draw multiple ferdinands and not do a dancernand
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29.06.23, thursday
I had a presentation today, and there's nothing (and I mean nothing) I hate more than those, so as a treat I made the rest of the day real cozy. Baked bread & listened to podcast while cleaning my apartment; good chill times
#also no it's not the absolute best bread; i used to be lots better at bread some years ago but i can't for the life of me remember what#modifications i made to that recipe (like it was basically just a rough guideline at the end) and i am a dumbass and never wrote any of it#down so i gotta now do some bread research and start again with tinkering everything#but the problem is that I live alone now and i can't bake like multiple big loafs a week bc it's just me eating#so it'll be lots slower this time#yea i should/could have also just been productive bc the thing i had that presentation on is still not like entirely done#but it's like almost there and I could afford a chill evening#presentations take lots of energy out of me anyways even if it's just a small quick one like today was like I am just done for the day afte#so nothing too great would've come out of it anyways#at least I now have a clean kitchen and no longer and actual mountain of clean unfolded laundry on my couch#studyblr#bookblr#booklr#aesthetic#books#study#reading#read#book#studyspo#dark academia#chaotic academia#june 2023#2023
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Finally has been a full year since I started listening
Fuckin hate that guy eugh
#/j#but anyway I've finally been jashing for a year#i wasn't fully kidnapped into it yet but by like dec 20th-23rd i had his VoaC cover on loop#which was annoying to do cos there was no spotify & the youtube app wouldn't let me loop videos#so everytime i finished the song i had to reset the vid myself#my sanity was truly saved by these songs being on Spotify#same goes for his moss cover too#bro of i had last.fm then i would have SO much more counts for those two songs#the bidding too#oh fun fact. i made a very rough sketch of an OC of mine using his TME video & HMS ideas in general#but i was stupid apparently an swapped heart & souls colors which looks cursed now to me#also whats funny is that ibis paint says i started the art on Mar 1st. Which is literally the day before TfaR & TMR an the rest came out#good timing me lol#i need to stop ranting sm in these tags i swear#chonny jash#moss post#hey jash what if you like. post the next power hour today. gift for listening for like 82000 minutes or whatever my Spotify wrapped was /j#don't actually i wanna sleep#speaking of. I should go do that. its like 3am rn
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Today's mood
#emotionally andreas is here also. there just isn't a matching screenshot for him#anyways. i had been doing so well this semester but have suddenly had my motivation absolutely crash#right in time for first drafts for various final paper(s) to be due#i had to talk to a few TAs/instructors today about late assignments and accommodations which is always emotionally rough#and on top of everything else my POTS has been flaring up#plus we STILL don't have a kitchen#and like. i'll be fine. but i'm having a bit of a day
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Chronic pain having disabled Jace with a mobility aid 💖
#his cane is so decked out#going through it so I’m projecting again 💖💖 onto my fave lil guy~~~#ily disabled Jace ilyyyyy#I imagine he found one to match his wand so it looks like a large version of it#just also purple bc it has to be his favorite color#porter offers to carry him places and he refuses bc he likes to build his strength back up after being bedridden for a week or two#jace stardiamond#personal#feel free to ignore beyond this point#->#watch this is gonna be what pushed me to get my own can bc the days that my mobility is limited are fuckin rough#these last couple weeks have been ROUGH#I had trouble making it up the stairs when I got home today trying to put all the weight onto my good leg#just for THAT ONE to start hurting too#gah#bad bad bad day man FUCK#getting in and out of the car almost fucking killed me#I had to keep adjusting on the drive bc every turn shifted me back onto where it hurts the most
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i need to pack my bags and get the hell out of frown town
#i realise that recently i have been disgustingly self absorbed with my own issues 😔#there is a line between discussing bad feelings with friends and being stiflingly negative and i leapt across that line a few weeks ago#like yeah my own issues feel horrendously overwhelming at points but i can't always be caught up in that when i'm around my best friend#i think it's a mix of just exhaustion and also the fact i see her after school where i'm more positive#so i just crash after a tiring day and become the mayor of frown town#it hurt to hear but i mean she worded it much less directly than i have been wording this#and the vibes have been feeling rancid lately so im glad i recognise the issue now and things should feel a bit better between us#just ough it's so easy to become an unpleasant person#not even necessarily by inflicting harm on others but just not inflicting any joy#it's rough out here but it's good to find out negative aspects of yourself and improve them ig#bc i have had friends that are horribly negative and it's just difficult to be around them sometimes#ugh anyway sleep will help all this#oh also in the morning today seemed impossibly exhausting but i got through it#woohoo#now i desperately need to fix my sleep schedule starting with now. bye bye tumblr
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,
#sorry i missed the last two days posting on here for the event#if you saw my twt i had something really rough happen and i'm kinda going through it rn#but i'm gonna try to have a new fic for today and also i'm gonna keep going as late as i need to have at least 7 things by the end#okay thanks and sorry again
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#manectric#i woke up at like noon today y'all i'm queuing this after work. i forgot about it all day and i was about to hop on totk#but i got the reminder to do it. so here i am. with manectric#el woowoo‚ if you will#a lot happened. yesterday. it was not a very good day. which is why i woke up so late. it was a little bit rough. but i guess it's a new day#so. it'll get better. planning on Not Doing Shit today or tomorrow to compensate for all the Bullshit that happened yesterday#hoping you all are doing well. one week from today (friday june sixteenth) i'll be hopping on a flight for the first time in 10 years#looks like according to the queue this will actually go up the day before we leave. so‚ to you guys‚ i'll be heading out tomorrow#which is scary a little bit. last time i flew i had no idea i was autistic‚ but now that i've come up with a lot of better accommodations#for myself and i understand myself a lot better and my needs‚ i'm realizing a lot of my accommodations just aren't gonna make it through TSA#plus it's a lot of unfamilarity with unfamiliar people and an unfamiliar environment which i feel like is gonna lend itself to sensory#overload like Immediately and i'm probably gonna get a headache bc that's how it manifests for me#so when we get there i'm probably gonna have to run to the nearest pharmacy. and grab some shit. which is annoying! so. i'm a little#worried. about the trip. NONE OF HTIS IS ABOUT MANECTRIC SORRY#this is a pokémon i have a hard time caring about outside of its involvement as the leader of the electrike in amp plains#that's about it#any tips from frequent flyers who are autistic would be greatly appreciated. not even just about flying but about like. going to unfamiliar#places on the other end of the country and stuff. i feel like that's what i'm most worried about even though i'm worried abt all of it#also hi i'm writing these tags from day-of. like the actual day this is going to post. me from a week ago sure did know what she was talking#about! anyway. i'm. gonna like. take my meds now goodBye see you all when this Posts in a few hours
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woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.
#tumblr ate something like this but I think I deserve to shout uselessly into the void#shits rough dawg#I know it’s rough for everyone. I feel shitty even talking about myself. still… compelled to vent… big butts#haven’t really been on here much since it hasn’t really scratched that itch lately & just makes me feel lonelier#it’s cold#saw the Jazzercise studio open across the street. 5am for Jazzercise? wow. early.#and then everyone left an hour and a half later. lights out. everybody gone. weird schedule. I am perplexed.#went down the road and got a soda and I’ve been sitting in my driveway contemplating for the last 2.5 hours#guy at the gas station tried to talk to me but I just half assed a smile and nod and left#even though I know I’d love to just… talk to someone. I suppose it has to be ‘on my terms’ whatever those are#I miss having a therapist. or even just when my little brothers would talk to me. when anyone would. blegh#my insurance is still a mess and I’m about to run out of one of my blood pressure meds this week#maybe I’ll have a stroke. scary to think about. I think about dying a lot but that potential feels too real. just… pop! and I’m done.#I’ll try today to finally push to straighten it out but everything feels daunting#woke up with so much anxiety. about my health. my hearing. no money. my life. had to get out of the house even if it’s just right outside#hate to say it but I need(want) thc. haven’t wanted to spend money on it but I could have really used it this morning#can’t be sad if you can’t feel anything (jokingly but also not. whichever is less sad sounding)#actually treated myself to Dune 2 last week and it was so so good. wish I could go again. but it’s drugs food or movie right now. so…#I know. dumb priority but BIG SCREEN. maybe it’ll hit theaters again for the next awards season hopefully. just a real nice loud experience#anyway… I should go inside. almost 7am. need to take my brothers to school then drive my mom to her daily appointments#I’ve felt so hollow and angry and sad for so long it feels like. I feels so weak and sad and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired.#I’ve been eating about 1 meal a day and sleeping a lot. this is the worst my body has ever been. I feel like I’m just waiting to die.#is this relatable?#just have to look past it. it is nothing. this body is nothing. just enjoy your soda.#gonna look at pictures of butts now#ok gotta go I love you goodbye forever#you can ignore this#text
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Uh!?!?! Thanks guys!?! Wow!?!?!
Seriously though, thank you for the insane amount of love this post has gotten!! I'm glad you all enjoyed seeing it as much as i enjoyed making it lol <3
#i was just so surprised i literally posted it like yesterday y'all are FAST!#had a rough one today so it was nice to see this as a little positive. thank you <3#more shenanigans of them to come because I'm so attached to them now help#the part 2 i had in my head for it is also up if you were curious about the aftermath ^^#ANWAYS thank you thats all i had to say i hope you all have a lovely day/night if you see this!!#ark siblings#shadow the hedgehog#maria robotnik#sticks can talk!?#sticks can draw!?
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Hii<33 will you tease us with hints of your current projects?
hello! 👀 due to a number of things happening off-screen for me i would say that i'm currently in "fucking around" mode without a huge number of actual tangible projects going on? like im doing a lot of "open new doc > write down vague idea > add 1,000 odd words > don't finish the project" which. doesn't feel great. but hey ho.
the biggest thing is that i'm doing a merlin big bang and am trying to wrap up the details of that project because i've committed now, except i can't give any details about because it all needs to stay anonymous 😅 either way that'll be out in like, august!
yeah in terms of other fandoms that i have written more stuff more in the past im just sorta,,,, languishing i guess??? like i'm still writing but it's really hard to be excited about WIPs and tell people & have them get excited and then just never finishing anything 🤷
#like i dunno man i was trying to finish so many big projects in full before sharing but it just kind of meant nothing got finished#& that got disheartening ngl#youd think 20+ years of adhd would have gotten me used to that feeling but alas#sorry this got morose lmfao#anyway i'd love to write FOR something again because thats always gratifying & i could do with a structure#asks#anon#to be clear: i do want to talk about my WIPs and i really appreciate you asking! because i'm very excited that you want to hear about them!#today is just not the right day for it & i will maybe have to get back to you in like. 3-5 business days.#quite honestly i think that i need to write a bunch of short shit that is entirely self indulgent and rough around the edges#to get back on whatever the fuck feral energy i had at the start of 2021#this will also likely manifest in me randomly posting the first chapters of various multichaps
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goddess the body feels sooo good after a workout 🫠
#it feels so warm and heavy and so comfortable omg#have y'all heard about exercise and stretching it is amazing owo#my thighs are super gooey tho like can barely sit and stand#luv it!!!#it feels extra good bc i woke up today super depressed (bc yesterday was rough)#and i just wanted to keep my earplugs in and cry and stay in bed all day#but somehow i managed to get up and walk all the way to the gym#and i worked out for almost 2hrs lol like when i get started i dont wanna leave#i did more on the crosstrainer (my bby i love the crosstrainer) and i dared to use the leg machine i wanted#i could adjust the seat this time phew. and i tried just one bump heaver weight for everything too#owoowowow and for some reason i didnt totally wanna throw up when i had to observe myself in the mirror skskk#so yeah it was a good session today ^-^#as always tho i do feel stupid and inadequate... bc almost everyone who is there is in great shape#and they know what they're doing and they're doing complicated exercises with very heavy weight and im there#with my 2kg dumbells getting strains in my wrists (im careful tho dw!!!!!)#im definitely doing it at a very low level but last time i worked out was before my knee got fucked and before all of these weird pains#😃😃😃 so im not even as strong as i was when i was overweight.. i never felt weak when i was#but i go to the gym because i enjoy it since it's fun and even the low intensity stuff i do makes my body feel nice#and if i keep going regularly for years maybe i'll also get in good shape and do more and more stuff#i wanna be a gym bunny!!!!!!#i used to actually love the gym so much i wanted to work at one skksks
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09.12.23, saturday
realized waaay too late that the bachelor’s thesis sign up isn’t just a ”click some buttons”-thing, instead u gotta fill out topics u’d be interested in. So I’ve given myself a nice long time of 3 days to decide before the deadline 😌 bc
I’m
dumb !! :)
So spent a good amount panicking & cursing all my life choices bc obv u gotta (i’ve given this 0 thought before this very day (even though I should’ve I’m aware) so like not the ideal situation to put urself in)
Then spent a good amount desperately looking through things and I think I have some sort of vision now (something to do with cyber investigation/cybercrimes (i think,, maybe.. still got a couple days), not too sure exactly what, but a faint idea would be enough for now. It also would make sense; always been interested in criminology (and shit like that) which I also minored in so that’d tie that up nicely)
Nothing else bc made the grave mistake of ”just gonna read a little this morning” and suddenly realizing it’s 2pm and I’ve read like 100pages and done nothing else the whole day
#it could help also bc been thinking abt going that way on the career path and this would be a good chance to see if I REALLY like it#or if I’m just accidentally basing my entire personality on Criminal Minds the tv show again#like if I get bored & done with it in 6 months then I could be for sure that it’s not the thing for me and won’t go chasing something I onl#like the idea of (big fear bc how would u ever actually know what any career is _actually_ like until u try and then u could realize u’ve#wasted years on just the idea of something)#i’m so glad tho I didn’t open this on the day-of#like at least there’s some days#i’m gonna think abt this for a bit more today & write a rough draft of what I’ll write on the form#and sleep on it & think abt it a bit more tmrw#and on monday I’ll send it in#i think that’s a long enough of a thing to make sure I’m just not grasping at the first idea I had just out of desperation#today#december 2023#2023
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after they actually Get Married For Real, Grillby spends half of the day happily sobbing bcs gaster casually called him his husband
(also lmao, 5 months later the first image is outdated. she's his niece now. lol)
#these two images have somthing in common: this grillby trans. i love him. i've had a long day okay I need to draw cool gq people#undertale#fanart#rough#traditional art#razzmatazz related drawings#i wanna write. wish i had the energy to write. the past 4 days have been exhausting I haven't written a word#Kindling keeps his ring on a chain bcs he'd keep clinking it against glasses uncomfortably constantly if he had it on his hand :]#OH RIGHT#FUKU FIRE#SHE'S HERE TOO. SHE'S ALSO TRANS. TRANS FLAMES SOLIDARITY#she's not '''really''' his cousin but she might as well be#gaster#grillster#oops i completey forgot i drew him in there. grillby brain today. no thoughts only grillby
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