#I’m crying look at the little bbs they r too blessed

[catalyst-rattail]

I’ll be honest and say I am personally attached to Cory and Maggie. They are so fuckin cute don’t say you weren’t even slightly emotionally affected because I was I love them look at them

[theblackbirdsgemimagines]

Ramble away, cause I feel the twisted head rot, I kinda wanna see what you think about our bois. ~ a pocket sized dragon hops in excitement.

A POCKET SIZED DWAGOOOOOONNNN 😭💞💞💞 That’s so BLESSED, and tysm omg, I’m very glad to just spill out my barking on every boy, bc yEAH THE BRAIN ROT SKDHAKDB

THE BRAIN ROT IS SO REAL LOL

Everything I breathe ends up relating to TWST in some way, like at this point just let me take my friends, cousins, and pets, and of course Lulu and Seb, and I will have 1. A Gottdamned Harem, 2. So Many Children, and 3. NEVER WANT TO LEAVE. Kwfhskdhjwek

Ok this is gonna be long bc I gotta cover all my boys, so rip lol.

Dorm Leads:

Riddle

GOD, my Fucking Baby, my CHILD, my SWEET BABY BOY, I’M 👁💧👄💧👁

I would die for him, beetch, he is PRECIOUS ♥️

He reminds me of how I feel Ciel would behave if S/O took the place as Sebastian’s contracee, too, so like 🥺 Lots of feels 😭

Is Son, I have adopted him now. If you mistreat him, don’t ever speak to me or my son ever again. I’ll FIGHT his MOM, don’t TEST me. I’m his new mom now. His BIRD mom. So proud of him, he’s like...one of the few that’s actually shown growth in canon after his overblot kshdkadjs

Leona

👁💧👄💧👁

.....I am a Mere Simp....

Ya’ll.... I swearh to ghOD I simped hard for Scar back when I was a wee thing, I did NOT expect to simp for him AGAIN LATER IN LIFE, what the FUCK aidhskdhskdj

Like shit bitch, damn, you may not be king of Afterglow honey, but you can be king of my heart if you wAnt to bb....

Leona: *smiles once, even if it’s smugly*

Me: *WEEPING* Look at hiiiiiiim!! My sunshine booooooy! 😭

Does this make me a furry

Probably

I am too Simp to Care Anymore

I HESITATED TO GET ATTACHED BC THIS BOY LOOKS LIKE A FUCKIN WOMANIZER IF I EVER SAW ONE, BUT HE DRINKS HIS RESPECT WOMEN JUICE EVERY SINGLE MORNING AND I WAS A GONNER SNDJAJDHSJ

FUCK

Call me a Herbivore again, bully me //SLAPPED

Azul

He secretly a lil shit sometimes, but tha’s ok, it’s mostly in a silly way, especially post overblot~ UvU

The sweetest bby everytime I read fanposts on him, like god, ah 💜💜💜 WHOMST COULD BULLY SUCH A CUTE CHUBBY OCTOBABY I’LL FIGHT ALL OF EM!! A sweetheart 10/10 would be his friend 💗 Not making contracts with him tho, lol

...ok maybe SOME after his overblot, but they’re able to be easily reversed now, so it’s way more chill andhsjdj

Kalim

FUCK!!!! F U C K!!!! BABYYYYYYY!!!! BABY!!!! I HAVE ADOPTED HIM IF YOU TOUCH HIM YOU D I E

He is literally so sweet, anytime anyone was like “you’re so nice it’s annoying” I WAS READY TO COME FLYING IN TO BITCH SLAP THEM LIKE AJDHSKDHSJ (even if I also loved them lol)

Like NO you are WRONG whfksjd

He has also grown so much, and I am proud ♥️🧡

Vil

Jesus Christ, canon Vil is Hurting Meeeeee ajdhskdhsj

My fave fanon Vil is the one that recognizes all different types of beauty, though~ uvu and is v encouraging to anyone that may be struggling with self hatred 💜

Canon: Vil is pretty~.

Me: Wow, wtf???? He IS so pretty... How rude I didn’t think you were serious! Wow him??? Pretty??? Wow??? Wow...

Idia

I’m not sure yet, as I haven’t seen him very often, but of the few times that I have: BIG same, huge mood, and Me FUCKING Too, goddamn akdhakdj

Idia is my Anxiety and Anime Nerd personified tbh lol

What Ortho is to him are what all my comfort characters are to me, honestly.

Like what would you like bby, you want that singing voice?? Ok here comes a synthesizer just special for you~. Ily, mwah~ u3u 💕

Malleus

HEAVY BREATHING

Ok maybe it’s just the lack of story/info out on him yet, but I don’t currently simp as hard for him compared to Leona, I’ll admit jajdkajd

BUT BOY HOWDEY DO I EVER STILL S I M P...

He Is Baby... And I Lob Him....

I am going to smooch those horns and forehead crown of beautiful scales 🖤🖤🖤 I am going to do it!!!! Here I go!!!

HE CAN HAVE ALL THE ICE CREAM AND TAMAGATCHI DATES HE WANTS I’M- 😭

This man is too precious for words, and I have so much childhood nostelgia to ‘enchanted’ woods, and being in the mountains, so he has Old Fae Friend vibes to me~🖤

DRAGON FORM DRAGON FORM DRAGON FORM DRAGON FORM DRAGON F-

Ngl I ship him and Leona a lil bit lol

No, not just bc that makes a poly with my two faves easier, but that is a bonus factor jadhajdj

Vice Dorm Heads:

Trey

Oh my god, the Daddy to my Mommy with all these newly adopted lil kids of ours, ya know??? What a wholesome sweetie and funny lil shit jahdksdh~

I love him, I would gladly make tarts with, AND for him 💚💚💚

The kind of boi who I’d ship HARD with anyone he started dating bc My God it would warm my heart So Much 💞💞

Ruggie (unofficial but may as well be at this point lol)

He took a while to grow on me kadhskdhsj

But I think he’d be a sweet, if a trouble-maker of a friend to have~.

Dank you for taking care of my sweet lion bby, honey, I’m sure Farrena is a sweetheart, but boi I hope he gets his shit together to fix up where Ruggie lives 😭

I think if I met his granny, I’d CRY jadhajsh 💗💗

Leech Twins (?)

Idk if they’re vice leaders, but who cares lol

THESE are the older Big Brothers in every sense of the word. (My canon ages most everyone up just a bit, save for Riddle, Ace, Deuce, Kalim, Jamil, Cheka, and anyone already 20+)

The ANNOYING older big brothers, lol.

The ones that hug you to death (Floyd), or use you for an arm rest (Jade), and specifically Do the thing you asked/told them NOT to Do.

This is fine with me tho, I’m an only child, please give me the experience of annoying older brothers lol 💙💚

Jamil

I used to hate you bby, I’m so sorry akdhskdhs

I’ve adopted him now, and I’m v proud he’s trying, but making clear what his boundaries are, and trying to come out of a shell he was made to be in for so long 😭

AND HIS DANCING IS SICK LIKE HONESTLY I’M SUCH A PROUD MOM 💗💗💗

Rook

God. FUCKING Rook, lol.

IDK IF I SHOULD TRUST YOU, but I also kinda wanna be your friend akdhakdjs

HE CONCERNS ME but he also seems nice and v sweet sometimes, lmao

Blz don’t stalk me tho 😬

STOP SHOOTING YOUR ARROWS AROUND SCHOOL YOU BLOODY HEATHEN FRENCH PRISS, YOU ARE GOING TO KILL SOMEONE

Also, if he DARES hunt cute animals around me, especially BIRDS, I am going to GRIP him jahdkahdsk

He’s like if Lord Druitt was a Little More Nice and a Little Bit Less Creepy ajdhak

Lilia:

GOD.

I LOVE THIS FUCKING GRANDPA.

I. FUCKING. LOVE. THIS FUCKING. GRANDPA.

I absolutely hc him as nonbinary w/masc pronouns, I absoLUTELY do.

I adore him, I love him, I haven’t gotten a squish (hardcore desire to be someone’s friend, lol) this hard for a character since AngelDust, I-

Pwease be nonbinary friends with me, Lilia 🥺

THE ONLY PERSON HERE SHORTER THAN ME, BUT I’LL TAKE IT AJDHAKDHJS

Anyone know Corpse and how he plays Among Us? That’s how I see Lilia playing his video games with friends and I JUST I JUST I J U S T

The Spencer to your Carly.

He and Crowley are free to compete as Dad with me too like honestly kshdkadjjs

He’ll always be granpa tho uvu 💚💖🖤

Extras:

Ace

God, the Fucking Annoying Middle Brother that pranks you ALL THE DAMN TIME, but I love him andhakdhsk

Deuce

THE BROTHER THAT WILL BEAT UP YOUR BULLIES 💙💙💙 SWEET BABY BOY

The Josh to Ace’s Drake. The Cody to Ace’s Zack. The Freddie to your Carly and Ace’s Sam.

If he and Ace started dating, tho, I would CRY.

But regardless who they end up dating, it’ll be slow burn friends to lovers, and literally the most adorable shit to watch EVER 💞💞💞😭

Cater

Seems Like A Womanizer But Actually Drinks His Reapect Women Juice And We Stan That 🧡

Can always count on him to help tou get the best Magicram shots, bless you Cater 🧡🧡

Also rly wanna be his friend, ngl 😭 Even IF he pranks me a lot kadhakdhsj

Jack:

H E AV Y BR EA T H IN G

Ngl my feelings for him are in the air IDK IF I WANNA SMOOCH OR NOT YET I JUST KNOW I LOB HIM HE GOODEST BESTEST BOY 💛💛💛😭

If all three Savannaclaw bois got in a cuddle pile with me, I would Not Be Mad

How can I give this boy love, tell me and I will Do It

Gift him all the cacti’s he WANTS💛

God he drinks that respecc women juice bright and early on his run every morning, you KNOW he does 💛💛💛

I wawnt to pet his ears an tail an fwuffy wolf form 😭

I WAWNT TO SEE THE BOY SMILE AND BE HAPPY 💞💞💞

Sebek

CHILL CHILL CHILL CHILL CH-

He is a v devoted guard tho, we love to see it UvU

I don’t have more info on him hekdhskdj but his fanmade content seems v v sweet~ 💚

Silver

HE ATTRACTS BIRDS AND I CRY ABOUT IT PLEASE BE MY FRIEND AND TEACH ME HOW 🥺🥺🥺

Him being raised by Lilia and Malleus literally gives me so much Fucking Seratonin....... God 💞💕💗💗💞💞💗💗💕💞

Ortho

IS BABY????? IS BABY!!!!!! I’M LOVE HIM I’M ADOPTING HIM IS BABYYYYYYY 💙💙💙💙💙

Cheka:

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

He is so FUCKING CUTE what the FUCK!

Leonaaaaaaa... 🥺 Your NEPHEWWWWW 😭

I might steal him from Farrena tbh, lIKE MY CHILD NOW~ 🧡🧡

I just sob and hug him every time I see him honestly 😭

Teachers:

Dire Crowley

Ohhhhhh god oh god oh god

Be my dad. Please. Be my dad. PLEASE be my dad. Ya’ll think I’m joking, I’m not. Please adopt me. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.

This man as a father gives me so much dopamine and oxytocin and seratonin??? I have been weeping for WEEKS, please adopt me, Sir

Fathers with zero braincells being wrapped around a daughter’s little finger makes me so weak, and I am just here with Daddy Issues like ajdhakdhsj BLEASE ADOPT ME MISTER BIRD MAN

Crewel

Ew.

Forgive me, I haven’t seen much content with him in it/that could be considered wholesome, bUT JADHWKDJSJ

UncoMFORTABLE

Please keep the kink talk out of the classroom, S I R

Call me puppy one more time, see what happens, I’m not scared to fight a teacher akdhakdhsj

Trein

The Dad Figure that tries to be the stern part to Crowley’s blumbering kahdkqrhsjdj

Don’t feel as much attachment to him emotionally, but I like him~

Just let me pet your cat sometimes and give you holiday presents, and we’re cool~ ♥️

Vargas

Found the womanizer //SMACKED

And of course, I can’t forget Grim~!

He’s grown on me, and if anything happens to him I will kill everyone in the room, and then myself 😭

I will pet and snuggle and hold him all he wants and feed him all the tuna his heart desires uvu 💙

[bnhajourney]

Episode 70

Episode 69

I dunno about these episode titles, man. 😂

Nice, yall.

Jesus fucking Christ, Bakugou. It’s none of your business, you ass haha. You can’t just fucking pressure Kiri like that!

HIS ANSWER IS SO CUTE I DONT KNOW WHY

She said call her Tsuyu.

I HAD A VERY VOCAL “AWWWW” JUST NOW He’s amazing though. Not gonna push him to believe that, but he is. It’s just a fact, I don’t make the rules.

DON’T THINK I DIDN’T SEE THAT IN THE BACKGROUND. I LOVE THAT.

So much to think about over a bowl of his favorite Katsudon.

ABOUT TIME YALL SPOKE Was waiting for these guys to snap him out of overthinking.

YOU��RE WORRYING HIM.

Still looking obvious as always, love~

YOU’RE WORRYING THEMSLKFJSDKLK

HELLO MY TEARS ARE VISIBLE BLESS YOU, MY DEAR IIDA. YOUR COMFORTING SMILE LIT UP MY DAY.

BABY BOOOOOOOYYYYYY HUHUHUHUH

I AM SOBBING AT THE SIGHT OF THESE TWO PRECIOUS BOYS. WORRIED, CONFUSED, VERY PRECIOUS BOYS.

I AM LAUGHING MY ASS OFF AND SOBBING AT THE SAME TIME WHAT THE FUCK SOMEONE CONTROL MY EMOTIONS

THAT SCENE WAS JUST... BLESSED.

No, thank youuu.

For a dick, that’s pretty cool.

Ohh. She’s pretty in her casual wear.

A praying mantis.

bb :(

YES 👏👏👏

EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP, our beautiful boys are sleeping.

URARAKASKFJKDLFGS

GOOD LUCK, CHILDREN!

Dear god, I want to cry. Their bed hair are all so precious. That’s not fair, Tamaki.

I will protect her with my life.

No one hurt them, got it? :)

HELL YEAH, YOU WILL!

She’s tired from crying so much. Bring hell to their door.

A NICE DAY TO ENJOY THE SUNSHINE INDEED LOOK AT THESE SMILING SUNSHINES

Wait but hey, but what in the evening, miss reporter?

They’re all so worried. MY HEART IS FULL. Also, I cannot handle Sero in that pose. Please.

R-Right...

I love Fat Gum.

He likes them. It’s not for the mission. He likes them.

Sir, that is not his perspective.

LET’S GO BITCHES 💪💪💪

WAH I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!

DAMN I LOVE THESE TWO TOO DEAR GOD TAMAKI IS SMILING THIS EPISODE IS TOO BLESSED

EXACTLY!!!!

[PRAYS TO ALL THE GODS] PROTECT THESE KIDS.

Damn.

That’s a first.

wow okay haha I know what he means and I already knew that but, how you see things doesn’t change what is.

LET'S GO, BABY BOY! I hope he doesn’t change and stays rational huhu he was amazing in handling that scene with Eri, really.

Great, they know it too. That’s just great. None of you is subtle lmao But that makes sense with the number of people moving.

How about you don’t.

Hehe he has pockets.

Startled Tamaki™️

SAAAAME.  Jeez, I really like this guy.

DO YOU SEE OUR PINK BABY GIRL

CUTE! hsfjkdljkg all of these bastards are CUTE!

I need this positive ray of sunshine in my life. It’ll balance my negativity lmao Guess it’s perfect that he’s with Tamaki too then!

Feed your children, yall.

(￣^￣)ゞ

I mean, Overhaul did seem human from the moment he was introduced... which is good. Some characters just don’t seem human sometimes and they’re just there to fill a role. With how he was introduced to us, I’m not surprised he’s doing all this for anything petty. 

His voice tho. Very sad and somber for the heart.

Yeah, tell him off, Fat Gum!

Ah, yes. Right off the bat. Fun stuff.

Yaaaaaas

Was I still breathing? Who knows.

Man, felt like that was such a long episode haha

Oh no wait it’s not done hhhhhhh

Meanie, they’re fighting for you.

Ooh. Left one’s a cutie.

Why would you even think  to do anything bad to this little baby? NO BACKSTORY IS GONNA JUSTIFY WHAT YOU’RE DOING TO HER

Chapter 1

[britishchick09]

1984 livewatch

the time has finally come to watch the full movie! it’ll be sad, it’ll be disturbing, it’ll possibly be cringy, but it’ll be a lot of fun! :D

we start out with the mgm lion! noice ;)

epic quote B)

wait why is opera music playing i thought we’d start at the 2 minutes hate

OMG what if they’re gonna hate on opera

this looks like a drive-in movie tbh

narrator: “this is a land of peace and hope, a land of plenty...” OH SHUT UP YOU

they’re showing wheat like it’s little house on the prairie BOI YOU’RE IN LONDON

this is epic propaganda B)

what if the war footage was taken from ww2 and thus... isn’t real :o

HOLD UP is the eurasian war racist?

THE QUEEN HAS ENTERED THE CHAT

WHAT ARE THEY ALL SHOUTING I CAN’T HEAR WHAT THE FDR GUY IS SAYING SHUT UPPPPP

oh no it be u (his face is like ‘WHAT IS GOING ON’ and it’s very lol)

julia’s so into this! :o

o’brien’s like ‘ohhh!!!’

look who decided to SHOW UP FINALLY

he pauses a bit before reluctantly joining in yas ♥

OMG THIS IS LIKE A SCHOOL ASSEMBLY STOP TALKING GEEZ

good they stopped!

WOWWW DON’T EVEN LIST SUZANNA HAMILTON’S NAME WITH THE OTHERS GIVE HER A ‘WITH’ CREDIT WOWWWWW

this IS a school assembly they’re going back to work!

winston in glasses *chef’s kiss*

ooh a rotary dial! great use of tech from when the book was written :D

winston’s looking over at syme WITH SO MUCH JEALOUSY lol

what if the words they speak are just random stuff with no meaning

OMG confession!!!!!

poor winnie with his cough :(

this confession sounds JUST LIKE WINSTON’S OMG!!!!

winston: “bugger!” he’s a brit lol :D

epic B)

OMG this guy read goldstein’s book SO DID WINSTON!!!!

i love how the diary is in a brick hole that’s so cool :D

the diary scene was filmed on april 4th just like in the movie so that’s way rad man :D

i want you valley!!! :D

ooh they’re put a smol scene of his childhood in there coolio! :D

he  s l e e p

this violin squeak tho :o

OMG THIS IS THE STANDING UP SCHOOL SCENE

it’s not but i can easily imagine it lol :D

he’s a stick omg ;o

when the lady talks to him you know it’s not a recording ;)

lady: “anyone under 45 is perfectly capable of touching his toes” BOI

oh no PARSONS

parsons: “choco rations are going up” c h o c o

parsons: “i seem to have run out of razor blades for some reason’ yeah,,, for some reason... ;)

this is so a cafeteria scene at school

THEY SAW EACH OTHER OMG

♫ i suddenly see him standing there, a beautiful stranger tall and fair, i wanna stuff this weird food in my faaaace! ♫ :D

me: “this is so romantic!” winston’s thoughts: “lemme smash HER WITH A ROCK”

wait did the lady say pineapple grenade???

HIS FACE LOOOL

syme rip boi

the 11th edition isn’t thicc :/

aww winston’s smol nod ♥

parsons: “by 2050 we won’t have conversations like this!” yeah because of screens lol

OMG the food looks and taste like meat but isn’t IT’S PLANT BASED MEAT!!!! :o

parsons just pulled a ‘hey need help with that?’ and put winston’s food on his plate EPIC

julia’s lookin’ at u ;)

YAS PROLES HOPE!!! :D

oh no DON’T TALK ABOUT THE 50 YEAR OLD WOMAN SEX WINSTON

OH NOOOOOOO

he liked the ‘bright red lips’ yet...

THIS CHICK’S LIPS AREN’T BRIGHT BOI

poor baby desperate for money :(

let’s GET THIS BEAT

hand on cheek = doublepluscute ^_^

epic foreshadowing B)

OMG CHESTNUT TREE POEM FORESHADOWINNNGGGGGG

OMG a couple is making out in the bar EPIC

winston’s just like ‘nnope’

OMG THE THOUGHT POLICE WERE FOLLOWING????

he’s at an antique store in prescott bless his heart ♥

mr. charrington sounds so kind WHYYYY

THE BIRTH OF A QUEEN ♥

mr. charrington says ‘4 dollars’ but they’re in london??

YAS BELLS OF ST. CLEMENS!!!! :D

winston: “what was that?” mr. charrington: “something old.” no DUH

they see each other againnn!!!!! :D

winston writes that he hates her SAME WITH A LOOK LIKE THAT

OMG SMOL WINNIE BIG O’BRIEN????? :o

his mom is lying dead in the field like the erza kid in ‘kirsten’s promise’ :(

he’s just... staring

OMG SPYING ON THE SPICY STARING ACTION :o

she PLONKED

that ‘ow!’ was so fake jules!

this is like anna and hans but not as bad underneath!

julia: “it’s nothing!” but this is turning out to be something... ;)

we’re half an hour in and wowza it’s gone by so fast! :D

winston: *gets a cute love note from julia* YEET!

THE HELICOPTER IS BACC!!!!! they’re really not making the spying subtle

OMG THIS IS THE THOUGHT CRIMINAL SCENE YAAAAS!!!!! :D

winston is the best plummer confirmed

kid: “you’re a thought criminal!” winston: *gives a slight ‘wha’ face and smiles* ICONIC

:)

the crowd is clapping and cheering over the war yet winston’s not doing anything SAME

jules is just scooching by lol

HAND HOLDING WHILE PASSING A NOTE OMG ♥♥

the sky does exist! :o

the telescreen has some great music :D

winston’s joining the ‘big man’s hiking group’ suure you are... ;)

the train is going to the beat of the kids’ singing coolio! :D

big brother is called ‘bb’ yas bby!

YEEES THE I WANT YOU VALLEY SCEENE!!!!!

the lq audio made the twig crack and the leave brushing really weird lol

winston: “i want you.” I-CON-IC!!!! :D

THAT SMIRK THO

winston: “i want everyone corrupt.” julia: “i’ll suit you, then. i’m corrupt to the core.” *mal screech*

OH NONONONOONO SHE GONNA TAKE HER TOP OFF BI PANIC BI PANICCC!!!!!

she really went commando huh

ALL THE WAY

the sex looks like it hurts NO WAY MAN NOT FOR ME NNNNOPE

i’m glad it was only a part you couldn’t really see and not a full on thing I DON’T NEED THAT

awww she’s so peaceful after big naughty :)

this is vaguely gay...

aww winston’s hair ruffling in the wind ♥

c r o n c h

also did he just cronch into a potato???

OMG THIS IS JUST LIKE SCHOOL

teacher: “when the orgasm is finally eradicated...” totally julia: “NOT ON MY WATCH”

winston is the kid who smokes in glass while julia is the one kid who Just Doesn’t Care lol :D

thoughtcrime THIS IS THOTCRIME

wow syme is still alive?

julia: “you dropped your ink pencil” you mean pen?

winnie’s back in prescott! :D

the room is 4 bucks a night noice B)

BACC TO THE H8 BBY

the modern say 2 minutes hate is probably just a livestream with kids texting ‘h8 xd’ in the chat lol :D

winston’s thoughts: “she who is so careful...” boi she threw a dictionary at the telescreen in the book THAT’S SO NOT CAREFUL

hey girl CUTE LQ SMILE YOU HAVE THERE!!! :D

YAS THE REAL COFFEE SCENE!!!!! :D

she has so many smiles YAS!!!!

she’s so eager with showing him I LOVE YOU SO MUCH JULES ♥♥♥

she says ‘real sugar, real bread’ and... jam

winston: “how did you manage to get all this?” jules has her ways... ;)

winston: “i want you” julia: “i want you too” YAS :D ♥♥

the thiccc singer is here!! :D

she’s so pretty! ♥

aww the stroke ♥

his hands are shaking as he touches her :(

winston: “freedom is the freedom to say two plus two equals four. if that is granted, all else follows” iconic!

YAS THE PAPER!!! :D

it be gin time ;)

he scratches the face off the gin bottle woah :o

I JUST REALIZED THAT THIS IS O’BRIEN :o

winston’s little ‘yes!’ at getting the 10th newspeak dictionary ♥

that’s a look of longing my friends! :o

winston: “the call has come. all my life i’ve been waiting for it...” and now he’ll go into the unknown... ;)

AAND we cut to naked julia eating an apple! slight bi panic

she’s touching the paperweight queen love it ♥

SHE KNOWS THE CLEMENS YAS!!! :D

julia: “i just know it!” BOI YOUR G-PA HELPED OUT

winston: “the only thing to do is to walk out of here before it’s too late” thus my ‘julia lives’ au comes in! :D

winston: “never seen one another again” ...oh he was talking about that NOT IN MY AU SON

julia: “you do, i do.” omg marriage :o

YAAAS JULSTON KISS!!!!!!! :D

fluffy! ♥

julia: “i love you.” awww :)

winston: “julia. do you think the resistance is real?” julia: “none of it’s real.” STRAWBERRY FIELDS FOREVER!

♥

OMFG THERE WAS AN EXPLOSION :o

work is scrambling like eggs!

poor headache bby! :(

epic B)

winston’s dreaming of his bishy selfish chocolate mom adventure!

the rats were there when his mom and sister were vaporized! :o

she’s in the dress! ♥

they’re talking about betrayal and julia’s like ‘they can’t do that!” OH BOI BUT THEY CAN!!!!

julia: “they can’t get to your heart” aww :)

awkward...

winston sees o’brien WITHOUT JULIA THE F????

this feels like the principal’s office lol :D

o’brien’s voice is so deep and british ♥

the way he clutches the newspeak dictionary is so cute! :D

aww he’s stroking the pages as he reads :)

the oceania anthem sounds russian :o

YAAAAAAAASSSS!!!!!!! :D

so soft ♥♥

winston: “julia, my love.” MY LOVE MY LOVE AHHH!!!! :D

YEES THE COFFEE SMILEEE!!!!! :D

she’s hungry... she wants coffee... who’s gonna tell her coffee isn’t food?

omg i saw winston butt :o

:)

winston: “she’s beautiful.” julia: “she’s a meter around the hips easily” winston: “that’s her standard of beauty.” YAAAS!!! :D

winston: “the future is ours.” YAS

OH CRAP THEY SAID ‘WE ARE THE DEAD’ NOOOO

mr. charington is loud compared to how i thought in the book

his ‘you are the dead’ should’ve been quieter like winston and julia’s then he could be loud!

FBI OPEN UP!!!!!

charrington: “here comes a candle to guide you to bed, here comes a chopper to chop off your head!” OHHHH NICE ONE MR C!!!!!! :D

RIP TO A QUEEN :’(

i should be a bit more heartbroken BUT THAT MR C RHYME MAN

OMFG THEY JUST BEAT UP JULES

SHE’S IN SO MUCH PAIN NOOOO :’(

why does he look old

awww :(

delete the drunk old lady BUT GIVE US PARSONS SUUURE

i dread the scene to come...

parsons didn’t say that he said ‘down with big brother’ so that’s a bummer :/

aww poor parsons he’s crying! :(

oh SNAP room 101!!!! :o

poor parsons but at least that scene wasn’t a thing!

OUCH THAT SMACC LOOKED LIKE IT HURT

is this leading into the bloody mouth scene? I STILL NEED TO KNOW WHAT THAT IS

winston doesn’t know where he is IT’S THE I WANT YOU VALLEY!!!

hold up this is just a vision ok BUT WHERE’S THE BLOODY MOUTH SCENE

frankenstein and spirit halloween called!

also o’brien flipped the switch without warning BISH

o’brien: “you suffer from a defective memory” and you suffer from a BISH MEMORY SIR

remember winston it’s all in the mind... ;)

WHY DID O’BRIEN SHOCK  WINSTON HE SAID FIVE

'how many fingers’ is a trick question because winston sees four YET WE SEE FIVE OHHH

mother gothel vibes...

awww winston’s little scared squeak :(

winston: “i don’t know... i don’t know!” SAY FIVE WINSTON SAY FIVEEEEE

o’brien’s voice is so calming yet it spouts evil words...

julia immediately betrayed winston BECAUSE SHE HAD A ROSEMARY KENNEDY yet she’s somehow still alive without damage by the end???

ooh a new shot! :D

they just faded to black and showed a new angle which is a bit weird...

o’brien: “you’re thinking that my face is old and tired...” because it belongs to poor richard burton!

o’brien just yoinked winston’s tooth out tho :o

mother gothel strikes again!

winston to o’brien: “i love you.” you don’t say that back to jules YET YOU SAY IT TO O’BRIEN BOIIIII

o’brien: “you’re one of us. one of the chosen.” one of us gooble gobble! also ANAKIN IS THAT YOU????

winston just said ‘i love you’ oMG OMG OM WAIT WWAIIITIT

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

seconds after she says ‘i love you too’ SHE’S FREAKING SHOT DAAANG NO PUNCHES PULLED BACK!!!!!

aww he called her ‘my love’ even in a dream

so that was the infamous bloody mouth scene and it was quicker than i thought it would be? at least i have a bright julia smile! ♥

OMG winston’s calling for her yet it sounds so weird WHYYY

he’s much improved!

they’re skyping lol

after all he’s been through he still hates bb! :o

ROOM 101 :o

room 101 is a personalized experience just for you! :D

also IT’S A DREAM MIRROR

omg the rats are GOING AT EACH OTHER GEEZ

winston’s squeak at the rats no!!! :(

‘do it to julia’ sounds a bit selfish but it’s the betrayal we’ve been waiting for!

...NOT

uh oh here comes the awkward reunion...

they should’ve said “...sup.” to each other

the bartender saying “on the house!’ tiredly each time is great :D

winston: “thank you for coming.” julia in her thoughts: “yeah whateves bro.” :/

at least they can still bond over something :)

jules gin time ;)

they ratted out on each other true love???

julia: “we must meet again.” winston: “yes, we must meet again.” ...they never met again

but if they did it would be a bro time!

winston: “i have seduced party members of both sexes” BI NANI???? :o

since his crimes are like the guy’s from earlier... what if he didn’t do them and was convinced that he did? :o

in the book he says i love you to bb, but here he turns away and says it... what if he still loves julia? :o

and with that question, the movie has come to a close! it’s a fantastic little film that closely follows the book. while i would’ve liked to see julia with winston at o’brien’s and the drunk jail lady, the cutting of the gross parsons scene, the addtion of the bloody mouth scene and the possibly hopeful ending make up for it. overall, this is an amazing adaptation of such a great book! :D

[onepunchmiss]

OPM s2e12 Live Blog

“The Wiping of the Disciple’s Butt”

The season finale. I’m nauseous. Lets begin. 

As always, I’m watching from the perspective of someone who has read the manga and webcomic. 

Right where we left off. Again I love the music. I’m just like, really calm right now actually. hhhhhhhhhhhokay. OOF oh god all the crunching sound effects oh no, this is already so weird watching Garou get his ass handed to him since he’s pretty much curb stomped every other hero in battle thus far, or at the VERY LEAST avoided taking so many hits. This. is so uncomfortable to watch. WOAH ????? THESE SHOTS WERE ONLY THERE FOR A SPLIT SECOND BUT??? HOLY SHIT???

GAROU’S HAIR OH MY GOD 

Oh god oh god Bang is relentless this hurts please stop guys GUYS PLZ  HAS NO ONE REALISED THAT NOT ONE HERO HAS DIED CMON PLZ IT HURTS calm down stop trying to kill him plsplspls OH

THIS 

IS WHY

WE STAN GAROU

HE SAYS FUCK DEATH HOW ABOUT I JUST GET STRONGER INSTEAD QUE EPIC THEME MUSIC

oh god damnit him legit running on all fours right there just looks goofy tho F “preposterous style” Bang you aint lying asdfghjkl really though OH MY GOD EVERYONE IS DRAWN SO BEAUTIFULLY THIS IS SO BLESSED 

WAIT 

NO OPENING THEME???????????????????? WHAT?????????????????????? WHY????????????????????????? ONE, I WANTED TO SEE THE CHIBI OF THE WEEK AND 2 

I WASNT PREPARED FOR MY FAVORITE DOPEY BIRD MAN THE FUCK PHOENIXMAN PLS NO ILY I know people hate him a lot but I just really dig how he feels like a fleshed out character compared to most other monsters, like he’s legit lookit him being all smart and stuff plz I just,,,,,,,,,,,, want to hug dumb fluffy birb ;-;

Woah again I’m being blown away by the animation??? Garou getting smacked around is really fluid and this just looks really cool in general?????

FUCK I CANT DO FLASHBACKS MAN JUST HEARING THE KID VOICE MAKED MY STOMACH LURCH OH NO 

OH NO I SCREAM OH NO I CANT OH NO GIMME 5 MINUTES PLEASE I CANNOT BBY NO I FORGOT ADULT GAROU IS IN THE FLASHBACK WATCHING THIS TIME PLS NO 

LIKE???????? I got kinda a comedic vibe watching him comment on it in the manga but the slow music and shit is just FUKKIN ME UP RIGHT NOW I HATE IT THANKS IT HURTS

oh god his face he has the seething thousand mile stare of quiet rage and its burning a hole STRAIGHT THROUGH MY ENTIRE BEING “But me I was the loner kid. Always gloomy and without friends” STOP. YOU STOP THAT RIGHT THIS INSTANT. IM CRYING AT U RIGHT NOW STOP

NO DONT HOLD HIM LET HIM GO S T O P OR SO HELP ME i can’t watch this what the fuck “I was always the loser” SHIT this legitimately hurts me “I dont want to be the monster anymore” GArou hey did you hear that part?? hEY GAROU DID YOU HEAR YOURSELF THERE??? 

WHAT DID I SAY WHAT THE F DID I JUST SAY STOP HOLDING HIM STOP STOPPIT  THE HELL MAN What if……….. I just go BACK IN TIME AND ADOPT BB GAROU CAN I DO THAT IS THIS POSSIBLE IS THIS ALLOWED ? ?? ?

oh my god it keeps getting worse. I mean. I already knew garou was being disproportionately reprimanded for what he supposedly did, but watching this scene just fucking kicked me in the teeth. As if my stomach wasn’t already in knots. The fuck . why does this hurt so much more watching than reading the frustration in seeping into me ffffff.

This looks really cool but, i can barely focus on that because im pretty much being exsanguinated on the floor over here by this whole sequence look at him crying. do it for me cause I sure as hell can’t 

“I want to strike a blow for the little guy”

Fukkin GETTEM GO GETTEM 

HOLY SHIT HIS VA IS GOING T F OFF 

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH LOOKIT HIM ILY SO MUCH SAVE THE DAY BIRB SAVE 

ASDFGHJKL THIS IS SO INTENSE EVERYONE IS SO INTENSE I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS BUT HOLY SHIT FUCK IM SCREAMING GAROU IS SCREAMING BANG AND BOMB SCREAMING GENOS AND EVEN PHOENIXMAN EVEN THE MUSIC IS SCREAM WE ALL JUST SC R E M

OH MY GOD AND THE LITTLE HEAD NOT GENOS AND BANG GIVE EACHOTHER SAVING THE HEROES OH MY GOD OH FUCK AND THE WAY THEY ANIMATE BANG JUMPING AROUND IS DOPE AS HELL AND ALSO HOLY SHIT ELDER CENTIPEDE I MISSED THE UNSETTLING SMOOTH CG LIKE ANIMATION FOR THE CENTIPEDES EVERY CELL IN MY BODY IS JUST SCREAMING RN I AM OVERLOAD HELP 

Garou flailing in the air in Phoenixman’s grip is … really adorable oh my god. “It’s your fault for not finishing them” ooooooo that shut him up didn’t it oof. Also nice cameo by Tatsumaki there 

ASDFGHJKL THE MUSIC AGAIN I LOVE IT I LOVE THEM LOOK AT THEM OH MY GOD 

THIS IS SO BAD ASS

EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS SO BADASS

Genos’s eye static, The brother’s fists swirling, THE FUKKIN CARAPACE SHATTERING 

THIS FIGHT IS SO WILD MY COMPUTER CANT EVEN TAKE IT. ITS GLITCHING AND FREEZING UP HOLY SHIT

oh god ok the face coming out of the face was pure nightmare fuel alright then

WAIT

I FORGOT GENOS IS A SELF SACRIFICING DUMBASS. NO IM NOT READY GENOS YOU DOOF LISTEN TO KUSENO LISTEN TO HIM 

oh no 

oh no

im crying oh no

this animation is beautiful first of all and the music like im just here this is where I’m at and I’m crying oh no 

He’s an angel. A literal angel. Look at that and tell me he doesn’t look like a fucking angel in the sky with the rays of light casting shadows around him. 

Genos you are too good and pure for this world but that DOESNT MEAN TRY TO GET YOURSELF KILLED 

Shit they really made it look like he was gonna self destruct there for a second which MADE HIS LAST STAND EVEN MORE INTENSE OH MY GOD SWEETHEART Y’all ever get into a show because you keep seeing one character that catches your interest, and you keep seeing them pop up on your dash or wherever until you finally decide ‘well fuckit, this is the asshole that’s gonna get me to finally watch the show’, cause you’re already invested in them anyway? Genos did that for me with OPM. If this fool didn’t exist Who knows how long it would’ve taken me to get to watching OPM, if ever. And shit like this is why I STILL love him. I usually move on to new faves 90% of the time but nope. Genos earned his spot and is keeping it. Look at this insane shit. My heart. Uhg

Enough gushing asdfghjkl ok but Genos, you just went INTO THE DAMNED THING’s STOMACH,,,,, and you’re SURPRISED that there’s STOMACH ACID?? But real talk. What the EVERLONG FUCK is that thing’s insides made out of? How did it NOT DIE. the FuCK

asdfghjkl Phoenixman’s chuckle???? I love 

Oh Bang no, this is wrenching my heart like I know that he doesn’t actually use his power but its built up so intensely like,,, would he be ok if he did??? and actually more concerningly since it even WAS brought up that he has some hidden true strength, will we EVER get to see that??? Oh Shit well when they word it as “All the power left to me in this life” then yeah, that seems pretty life or death ish???? THE FUCK 

Oh thank god comedic relief is here I feel like i’m about to have a heart attack my chest is so tight hhhhhh ok breathe WAIT THIS ISNT COMEDIC THIS IS BADASS AS HELL JEEZUS witht he flashbacks to the Saitama encounter and THIS LOOK

The Anime is really fucking with the audience huh??? Making it look like KIngs about to throw hands like???????????? OH SHIT AND THIS MUSIC IS DOPE AS HELL TOO IM JUST laughing I have so much excessive energy right now???

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHZAHAHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASDFGHJKLJHGFDSWERTGYHUIUJHGFDFGHJKJHGFRE THE FUKKIN SONG THEY BROUGHT IT BACK THE ULTIMATE SONG I GOT THREE NOTES IN JUST THREE NOTES AND I KNOW IM SCREAMING I GOTTA GO RUN BRB 

IM STILL SCREAMING FADFJSAGFJDSLKAHVFSKLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OUR MAIN MAN THERE HE IS THERE HE IS IM GONNA THROW UP 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

OH MY FUCK THATS WHAT THE OPENING SEQUENCE EXPLOSION WAS FROM OH GOD OH FUCK BEAUTIFUL THIS IS BEAUTIFUL OH FUCK OH GOD 

The REPRISE oh no oh NO OH NO OH NO NO ITS NOT OVER im not ready its not I cant no no no i dont want to press play cause if I press play it will end soon no no no Oh my god and at the end there isnt gonna be a title card for the next episode because THERE IS NO NEXT EPISODE no non o nonononon on on on ono no no no 

NO 

HEY IVE BEEN RIPPED OFF. WHERES THE FACE WITH HIS HAIR BLOWN BACK??? ASDFJKL fine I cant even be mad everything else was tooo  ofdbghjfshkggfhsjgbfhjka

KING WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT REACTION ASDFGHJKL W H A T 

WAIT THEY ARE DOING THE OPENING THEME AT THE END NO I CANT HANDLE SEEING EVERYOONE NOW OF ALL TIMES GOD DAMNIT WHY ok yknow what. I knew it would be king. I dont know how but i did 

Wha

wh

fkin cliffhanger no please no 

I.. I’m kind of at a loss for words. I’m. That’s it, huh? It’s really over. It doesn’t FEEL over. There’s so much unfinished business. Well, the only way to really neatly wrap everything up as neatly as S1 did would have been to get ALL THE WAY through the Garou arc, which obviously wasn’t going to happen, but this is not a great spot to leave off if we’re going to endure another few years hiatus. My hope is that, with biweekley manga updates, we should wrap up the Monster Association/Garou stuff (assuming it doesn’t diverge from the web comic too much) some time next year, and I’m HOPING that s3 is already being planned accordingly along side manga publications. So MAYBE it will at least be announced around that time 2020. That’s my wishful thinking at least. I don’t think I can survive 3 years. anyway

You could really tell JC Staff poured their hearts and souls into these last 2 episodes. Absolutely gorgeous, paced well, so completely satisfying and making every second of s2 worth while. For me, at least. I’ve already seen people still complaining and I’m just sorry they didn’t have as much fun as I did. 

Seriously, thank each and every one of you guys. This has been a wild ride, I’ve barely had this blog a few weeks before season 2 started airing (and honestly just got into opm maybe a month before that?), so I owe a lot of the success on the blog to the anime I bet. This was the first series I’ve never tried live bogging, and I honestly can’t believe that they were as popular as they were? Especially since I never have any idea what I’m doing but yall listen to me ramble anyway?? Yall are crazy thank you so so so much. Now my tuesdays are gonna feel really empty… next week is gonna be weird as hell. Though I’m gonna get mad nostalgic good vibes rewatching this season in the future in no small part from sharing my experience with everyone who's stuck around. I can’t say see yall next week this time, but, see you next season whenever it may be for sure.

[henry-hart]

Mo’ Danger, Mo’ Problems s1 ep2

this one is long, just saying. lolol I just really loved it and had a lot to say :))))))

“OK HEN’S VOICE IS DIFFERENT IN THIS EP asjlksjk guess there was time btw this one and the pilot

he’s still incredibly adorable tho

“He’s gotta fix that elevator.” ...and then he never did lolol

OKAY so 13 yr old Henry found a way across town at almost 12 at night???? NO MY SON. THAT IS DANGEROUS (also does Swellview have a bus system??? did he walk??? I need to know.)

“’Put this watch on your wrist.’ Sure. What else would I put it on???” .....

hologram Ray pretending that Hen poked his eye out askjsl

“I’m gonna contact you on this watch now.” “What do I do with the old one?” “Toss it up in the air.” “.....Why?” “It’s about to self-destruct.” “Dahhh!” *tosses watch but it doesn’t do anything* “Hmm. That’s weird It’s supposed to--” BAM lololol

Do you think they chose Puerto Rico history for Hen’s test subject bc Jace is Puerto Rican??? I mean, it’s a lil specific to be coincidence (i hope they did)

“Ah, Puerto Rico. Land of....” “Puerto Ricans???” “Right.” alakjsklj

I FORGOT ABOUT THIS EP. THIS ONE IS SO FUNNY!!!! (I’m remembering what happens later in the ep lol)

antique bottle shop named “Glass from the Past” gotta love the witty names

“Let’s blow some bubbles and fight some crime.” so I see we aren’t into lame puns yet lolol

the “awwww my boot!” line is in this ep “Up the boot! Ow!” “HA!”

“Give me that pretty lavender bottle...because it matches my motorcycle helmet.” asjdlkj you can always count on hd bad guys to be goofy “You better bubble wrap that, chump! That ain’t no good to me busted.”

soooooo Ray walks in through the front door of the shop while Hen just....kind of.....walks in from...the side??? Like, Jace literally just entered from the side of the stage/set. wowowow lol

“Kid Danger.” “Yeah.” he looks so smug ajsklsjksjlk like, “that’s right. you know who i am.”

Ray telling the robber to try hitting him again lolol “Try to keep your arm straight.” 

*robber hits him* “Strike three.” Hen pops in “That was only two...” “Okay, don’t correct me in front of the criminals.”

RAY YOU JUST THREW THE ROBBER INTO THAT MAN’S GLASS. WUT R U DOING???

“You really want to fight us?” looks at KD “Can I just fight the kid?” Hen’s all “???” lolol

“No you can’t just fight the--” “Sure he can! Come on, tough guy.” “Ok.” *puts his helmet over Hen’s head*

poor Hen is just spinning around 

golf clubs in a store that sells glass. that’s gonna end well.

“KD! Catch this golf club!” *hits Hen in the head* aksjlsjsk

CM AND KD YOU ARE NOT HELPING!!!! YOU ARE BREAKING ALL THAT POOR MAN’S GLASS!!!!

“CM! Where are you?” “Follow the sound of my voice!” *a game of Marco/Polo w/ A LOT OF GLASS BREAKING ensues*

“Would you superheroes just leave!!!!” I feel for you, man.

Ray had to stop a wild, golf club swinging Henry lolol

“Where is he??? Did I get him???” he asks, standing amidst all the glass he broke while RAY got the bad guy 

“Yeah, you got him.”

“My whole store is destroyed!” “No need to thank us.” “Thank you?” “You’re welcome.” Ray y r u lik dis

Hen’s hair is all wild from the helmet ajskjlskj

“Let’s go, KD.” “NO!!! Nobody leaves until you boys clean up all of this broken glass.”

MY POOR BB HAS TO BE UP AT 7 FOR SCHOOL. RAY YOU DID NOT NEED TO CALL HIM TO HELP YOU. YOU ENDED UP GETTING THE BAD GUY ALL BY YOURSELF. HENRY JUST BROKE MORE GLASS. LET MY SON GET HIS SLEEP!!!!

“This will only take us like....5 hrs. I’ll get u a broom!” *Hen just sinks to the floor* :(((((

Ms. Shapen just gave Hen a wet willy. aksjlksj The ever classy Sherona Shapen, ladies and gents.

CHARLOTTE IS SO TINY. EVEN THE KIDS IN THE BACK OF THE CLASS ARE SO TINY. THEY’RE. ALL. SO. TINY.

“This is what happens when you stay up all night on Twitflash and Twittlegram.” alksjskjls

poor Hen slept through his whole test (much like in my fic....hee hee)

J....y wud u want....a....wet willy???? (I love Ms. Shapen’s answering face alksjlskj)

Hen just drops back down on his desk. my son :((((

THE FIRST EVER TITLE SEQUENCE!!!!!! (last ep just had the title of the show. this one has the whole “It all just kind of happened” shebang)

“Now I protect the good citizens of Swellview.” Do you Ray? Do you?? (peep him charging ppl for that “protection” in a few years)

Hen just pouring an ENTIRE POT OF COFFEE into, as Char calls it, “a comedically large cup.” askdksjslk I fell you. I don’t drink coffee, but i. feel. you.

never get tired of these whack shows they watch on here. Natural surgery???? Surgery w/ no anesthesia??? what is that???? lolol

“You’re 13. You can’t be drinking this much coffee!!!!” “But I need it!”

concerned friends ftw

Jasp asking Hen about puberty......

“I haven’t had any dreams bc I’m not getting any sleep.” my bb...:(((

“I always have the same dream. It starts with me getting a horse for my bday. Then Jasp shows up. Then the horse kicks Jasp in the face.” “But I end up being okay, right?” “No.” her face kills me lolol

SIREN HART IS BACK ON MY SCREEN AGAIN. IT IS A BLESSED DAY.

“We’re home! Hen come help me please.” “HENRY, COME HELP YOUR MOTHER!!!” gotta love that s1 Piper

“What what what???” that’s exactly how I respond too hen alksjslkj

HEN MAKING DINNER. :’)))) I. MISS. THESE. DAYS. THE. HART. FAM. IS. MY. FAVE. AND. THEY’RE. NEVER. TOGETHER. ANYMORE. *cries*

how does one make chili balls????

“Make them spicy this time.” I love Piper so much gah

“Seriously? I’m like so busy. I don’t have time.” Ya’ll....the way he said this. he sounds so stressed.....my bb....I’m crying.

remember the days when Piper used to be anti-having Jasp in the house?? lolol I mean, she probs still is now, but she used to be a lot more vocal about it. “Aw man, Jasper’s here???” “Piper be nice.” “But Jasper’s always here. It’s NOT okay!!!”

“I’m going to the bathroom.” “Oh no, mom. Jasper’s going to use our bathroom.” ajskjslj

Piper telling on everyone as soon as her dad gets home akjslksj classic

their dad was a lot more....tolerable earlier on. I don’t mean he’s a bad character or anything. It’s just, he’s usually played for laughs now instead of being a parent. We get to see him actually parenting Hen in this ep, and it’s so nice. 

“Jasper’s using our bathroom.” “Oh jeez.” Like father like daughter kajslkj (also looks like Hen got his phrase from his dad. cute!)

“and Henry said he’s not gonna make dinner.” “What??? It’s his night!” “I’M GONNA MAKE DINNER!” leave my son alone, Jake (he’s my son. not yours.)

YAS. JAKE SITTING DOWN WITH HENRY TO GIVE HIM A NICE PARENT TALK ABOUT MS. SHAPEN CALLING HIM ABOUT HENRY’S FAILED TEST. YAS. YAS. YAS. I LOVE ME SOME HEALTHY FAMILIAL CONTENT!!!!!

“She called you at work?!?.....Ah, that’s so rude of her. God.” alksjslk nice save hen

“Do you realize how important Puerto Rican history is???” aksjlkjs I really thing they’re doing this bc of Jace. Like, I really do. 

Hen apologizing for letting his dad down :’))))

JAKE. HART. BEING. CONCERNED. FOR. HIS. SON. YASSSSS. He sees that maybe having a job is causing Hen’s grades to slip THIS is how you parent. (wish i had me a dad like that...)

you don’t get your 12 yr old daughter to drive u home from mouth surgery.....looking at you s4

“I can’t quit! My job’s a really big deal.” *puts hand on his dad’s leg* “It’s a junk shop. *moves Hen’s hand* You sweep the floors.” ajskjskjskl if only you knew

Hen’s like “I’m gonna go upstairs and study right now!” he takes off and his dad grabs him at the last second and makes him do this spin and akjsljs I just thought that was funny

“You study after you make the chili balls. And make them spicy this time.” He and Piper share this look lolol they’re so similar. it’s crazy

Hen yawning as he serves dinner :(((( he doesn’t even eat. he’s going without food AND sleep. MY SON NO!!!!

“I posted a pic, and now it has 45 comments. So now i have to comment on the comments!” “I’m about to comment on you.” asklkjskl (too tru tho Pipes)

RAYMOND. STOP FUSSING AT MY SON. HE IS TRYING HIS HARDEST. HE CAN ONLY DO SO MANY THINGS AT ONCE.

“Why aren’t you on your way over here???” “Because. I got in trouble for sleeping in class....and i had to make chili balls.” “Chili...balls?” “It was ‘my night’.”  lolol I love the way Hen says that. so snarky

Hen stretching over his bed like “I’m just gonna....” slaps himself in the face to keep up “Maybe I can just....I’m just gonna lie down. 5 minutes tops. just 5 min” before he just passes out is SUCH a mood.

Okay, Ray coming in thru hen’s window all angry in covered in sewage is HILARIOUS

like, I love this little “I’m gonna kill him” angry dance thing he does aksjlkjs

oh my god he’s waving his smell in Hen’s direction asjksjsl

“Awww what’s that smell???” “I’m that smell!”

“Well, Ray, I guess I fell asleep.” “WeLl I gUeSs I fElL aSlEeP!!!” Ray u sound like scooby-doo aksjskj

“You know what’s down in the Swellview sewer???” “....poop.” “POOP!”

omg I forgot about Pipes being suspicious of the voices in Hen’s room 

“Who are u talking to in here???” “Nobody.” “MOM!!!!!” “Aw jeez.” using his dad’s phrase :)))))

Hen blaming the smell on piper aksjlslkj

“It’s Piper.” “What???” “She hasn’t had a bath in a week.” “That’s a lie!”

“You disappointed me tonight.” “I’m disappointing everybody. People should just call me ‘Kid Disappointment’.” Hen....:((( (but the way he said the last part was really funny akjdlskj)

WHAAAATTT???? RAY WANTS HEN TO TALK TO HIM TO HELP FIGURE OUT A SOLUTIONG TO A PROBLEM???? YOU MEAN HE’S NOT BEING UNJUSTIFIABLY PARANOID OR RIDICULOUS??? HE’S NOT JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS??? HE’S NOT BREAKING THE LAW OR HARMING OTHERS OR DOUBTING HENRY’S INTEGRITY????? WHAAAATTT????

^^^^^that was a jab at the Ray we’ve seen as of late

“Time. School. Working for you. My family. It’s just a lot to handle.” TOO TRUE HENRY. TOO. FREAKING. TRUE.

“I do know a guy who can get rid of your family.” Who, Ray. Who do you know?

Ray actually wanting to fix a problem rather than make it worse. Yes.

and so begins Ray’s crush on Siren. Nice try dude. My crush began the second she was on screen. 

“Who’s this?” “My mom.” “Niiiiiiice. Is she still, uh, married to your dad, or--” “Yes.” “Does she ever seem lonely or--” “Go home, Ray.” 

“The picture, Ray.” 

aksjdklj I love that interchange.

also Hen just has this portrait of his mom in his room lolol what a momma’s boy :)))))

Jasp x Char covering for Hen even tho they have no idea what’s up ;’))))

GOOCH. MY MAN.

Henry does NOT have hepatitis Japser!!!! ajslkjslk

Gooch and Hen harmonizing those weird sounds omg lolol

“Oohloolooloooloooo--why am I doing this?!??!?!”

“Relax, kid.” “I can’t. I’ve got a huge makeup test  tomorrow. I need to study, and you guys are making me go ‘oohloolooloo’“ “It’s ‘Oohloolooloo--” “I don’t care!!!!” I LOVE sassy Henry

all studying done in 30 seconds???? Where can i get me one of these???

“It’s a cerebral data transducer--or as we call it, the HRZ.” wtf???? lolol

“Why am i locked in a chair???” Hen asking the real questions. 

the way Ray says “Puerrrrto RRRRRicoooo!” 

“Will this hurt???” “Yes.” WHAT???” lolol

okay can you imagine the now jace being as extra as this jace??? No??? I didn’t think so. lololol

“Well?” “That hurt BAAAAD!!!”

“I don’t know anything about P--” *starts spitting out random PR facts* askjljsk “Wooooaaahhhh. I know Puerto Ricoooooo.” 

the amount of times they’ve said Puerto Rico in this ep is crazy. I’m definitely convinced they did this for Jace alskjskl

“Do you think it’s cheating???” “Ehhhh.” “It’s a gray area.” GOOCH X RAY ARE MY FAVES. (i love Schwoz, but Ray x Gooch had some good chemistry.)

“I really doing this appreciate you for me.’ ASKLJDLKSJ I LOVE THIS PART OF THE EPISODE. THE SIDE EFFECTS ARE MY FAVORITE PART. 

at first, i didn’t even register that he’d switched the order of the words. I was like, “Ok, I knew what he meant, but something about it made my brain feel weird???” lololol

I wonder if Jace had a hard time getting the mixed up order right akjsksl

I love the way Ray says “Uh oh.” with his eyes closed. Like, “I knew this might happen, but I was really hoping it wouldn’t.” lksjklsj

“Well you could’ve before that you told me!!!” THESE PARTS ARE MAKING ME LAUGH SO HARD.

Henry: *screams all high-pitched* aljsklsjls I’M CACKLING

I FORGOT HOW MUCH I LOVED THIS EPISODE!!!!!!!!

“So I’m gonna girl like a days for a few screams---wait.” LOLOLOLOL

*screams again*

“.......You guys wanna get lunch?” CLASSIC Ray. (can something be classic already in the first ep??? I guess the word is vintage. VINTAGE Ray.....but those r the same thing??? I don’t know ajksjlsk)

“The Vermont army finally surrendered and fled the coconut plantations.” “Coconuts in Vermont?” askjslkj school really be like that sometimes

Jasper just doodling the whole time. ME.

“Okay everyone. Get out.” Ms. Shapen is a constant mood. lolol

“100 my makeup test on I got!!!.....I mean, I got a hundred on my makeup test???” aksjlk I love u Hen

*randomly screams* “...” “.... That was inappropriate.” “I just got excited.”I CAN’T TELL YOU HOW MUCH THIS PART MAKES ME LAUGH ALKSJKLSJ

“I’m really proud of you, Henry. I’d give you a hug if it wouldn’t get me fired.” ajsksj 

“Have a good weekend.” “Too you.” “....”

Henry said “Yeah, baby!” to Char. :))))) (I know it was just a quick thing on the fly, but it’s still cute)

“Where were you?” “I go to had somewhere.” 

ya’ll. Henry’s mix ups are KILLING me.

“One more time???” “I. had. to. go. somewhere. Nailed it.”

*randomly screams again*

CHAR’S SCARED FACE. I’M DYING.

“You later see!” ALKSJKLJSK

I LAUGHED FOR THE ENTIRETY OF THE END OF THIS EPISODE. 

I JUST REALLY LOVE THIS EPISODE. I FORGOT HOW MUCH I DID, AND IT WAS GREAT TO BE REMINDED. 

this ep had it all

tired/overworked/stressed hen and his supportive friends and fam

then there’s that GOLDEN last two minutes with the side effects

just. wow.

props to Jace for doing an incredible job

he really delivered the goofiness. love my boy :))))))

rewatching these was such a good idea <3333

[vaguely-concerned]

UNCHARTED 4 REACTIONS

- uuuh can I just… find out who the FUCK looked at tiny beautiful baby boy Nate and decided to leave him with a bunch of nuns who don’t get why other kids telling him his mom’s in hell because she committed suicide would upset him??????? Like I don’t know who his biological father is but I feel a strong need to divest him of his kneecaps. (C’mon Sully with your con man expertise and my vengeful nature we could figure this out between us)

- Sam reminds me a lot of one of my uncles. I’m not sure what to do with that except applaud Naughty Dog on their eye for people ha ha. I guess everyone has that slightly sleazy and self absorbed yet periodically charming and decent man in their lives. (Can I point out how amazing his costume design is, in a way you rarely see? He’s one of those dudes who look rumpled wearing pretty much anything, everything is so unflattering on him it’s a miracle. Contrast his and Sully’s outfits in the Scotland section — what they’re actually wearing isn’t that dissimilar and Sully is like twice Sam’s age but looks a) stylish, b) warm and c) Incredibly American somehow while Sam looks like a bum and it’s  h i l a r i o u s.)

- When bb Nate’s face already does the thing where he goes from genuinely upset to dissembling smile… no… ow…  

- “You only pull something like this when you’re trying to make up for something” lasjfdlsakjfslkdjfalskj my soul has left my body and I am crying hot saltwater tears

- a) Nadine is just so incredibly, vibrantly beautiful and I feel like sending a thank you note to the offices of Naughty Dog for putting her face and overarms on my screen, b) she’s already completely done with everything and we’re not even halfway through the game, c) she’s awfully uppity about Chloe’s methods for someone whose instinctual approach to archaeology is ‘dynamite’

- NATE PLAYING CRASH BANDICOOT

THE MOST PRECIOUS SHIT

I’VE EVER LAID MY EYES ON

“THIS IS TAKING VERY LONG” THIS BLESSED ADHD BOY

- OKAY NAUGHTY DOG YOU’VE GONE AND DONE IT I’M ROOTING FOR THE HETS

- the note from Chloe in the attic :( :( :( I feel bad for her even though she eventually upgraded big time on the spouse material, she does like him a lot even if they didn’t make each other very happy.

Can you imagine if Nate and Chloe had actually stayed together tho. They’d have the smartest, snarkiest, most-unprepared-to-deal-with-emotions children in history lol just as well things worked out like they did, probably

- did u guys know… that I would die for nathan drake… I mean you all probably do by now because I never shut up about it but it bears repeating… I would….  

- oh no… nate no… don’t lie to elena she not only tolerates you she loves you despite the warning signs don’t throw this away

- It’s very impressive that they’ve managed to show that Sam genuinely does love Nate a lot while also making it clear how easily he tips into being a toxic influence — it makes all the psychological sense in the world that he’s trying to emulate the relationship they had when they were at their closest and only had each other, but purposefully trying to drive Nate away from the other people who love him is just… so perfectly the worst possible thing to do to him, jeeeeesus christ. No wonder he and Sully don’t get along — Sully is wonderfully protective without being possessive

- When Sam asks Sully why he’s there and it’s like… because… he’s HIS FUCKN DAD SAM???! YOU NUMBSKULL???!!? YOU ABSOLUTE FOOL??!?!

- All my fanfic wants for these games are so lame and low-key… like ‘the first time a teenaged Nate comes back to the hotel drunk as a total emotional mess, and Sully being like ‘oh wow… oh god… help… he’s like a tiny puppy I need to protect him being a parent is terrifying’... ‘Nadine and Chloe have a nice night in and make sweet character developing love, maybe braid each other’s hair and get in a fist fight with some dude’... ‘the gang go to an amusement park, have a good time, Charlie gets cotton candy and makes fun of Nate’...

(actually what I really, really want is a fic of Sully surreptitiously picking up the pieces of Nate after Sam ‘dies’, but, y’know. The heart wants what it wants and mine wants Nate to be taken care of)

- Sully’s face when he drops them off in Scotland… goddamn it he loves that boy so much ;___;

- The only illustration of Sam’s personality that matters is that he thinks  S u l l y  of all people might screw Nate over while thinking he can work with Rafe without it all going to hell

Just… the worst judge of character ever lol how’s that projection working out for you Sammy boy

- I played some multiplayer and Elena really has just the warmest, most reassuring presence, I absolutely see what Nate sees there ha ha

Also I love what they’ve done with her clothes, all her outfits are plausible and non-sexualized and look so chill and comfortable

- Nate’s high-pitched nervous laugh is everything to me, such a deeply endearing character tic

- Sam… you dumbass… when will you learn that the real treasure… is your little brother and his happiness…

- I have to applaud Troy Baker for his work here — he matches Nolan North’s speech patterns and timbre as Nate so well, you absolutely believe they’re brothers. (Also between them they’re like… 90% of all male characters in video games, it’s a wonder the fabric of reality isn’t fraying with two giants in such close proximity)

- Shoutout to my boy Charlie for getting one (1) whole reference in this entire game! Naughty Dog may have forgotten you but the face you pulled at Nathan in the scene with the torches will stay with me forever, you big British lug <3

- I LOVE that Nate and Sam still use ‘Father Duffy’ like you would ‘Goody Two-shoes’ or the ‘dad’ in a sarcastic ‘thanks, dad’, it’s an authentic-feeling kind of in-joke

- Nate’s journal entries are SO FUNNY in this one oh my god. I’m so happy they’re acknowledging that he’s actually an excellent artist, I hope he ends up with a sideline in making illustrated children’s books. (I have since learned they were drawn by Naughty Dog artist Alexandria Neonakis. From the bottom of my heart: thank you for everything, especially Lemur Sully)

- Gideon Emery is wasted — WASTED — in the role of ‘random goon #43’ yet again,  but whatever, at least I got to hear his voice

- Sam’s supremely shitty tattoos give me life

- I realized during the Madagascar opening that in all likelihood the person who taught Nate to drive was Sully and can I just say… this reinforces my theory that Sully is the real hero of the Uncharted games because can you imagine taking on that responsibility for Nathan ‘Adrenaline Junkie Whoops Everything I Touch Explodes and Collapses’ Drake? No, because you and I don’t have what it takes to live that life but Victor Sullivan does

- It feels like they went a bit more naturalistic with the dialogue and characterization in this one? (As naturalistic as you can go with great big undiscovered cathedrals/pirate recruiting hubs under Scotland, anyway. Scotland ain’t that big, yo, pretty sure someone would have spotted it lol) I actually enjoyed it — U3 is still pretty much an Indiana Jones-esque adventure story with some purposefully discordant notes when you get to know Nate’s real backstory and stuff like that, but this feels all round a bit more grounded in reality and characters and it works

- Sully ineffectually keeping a grip on Nate’s shirt while he’s scrabbling to get back into the driver’s seat after the car goes off the cliff ascended my soul to a higher dimension. Big mood.

Also genuinely laughed for five minutes at Sam, lapsed Catholic and born opportunist, getting in as many Hail Marys as he could just in case he was about to die. I’m an atheist from a half-halfheartedly Protestant country but even I am pretty sure that’s not how it works buddy

- Nate’s continual refusal to think ahead enough to carry his own matches (and being saved by surrounding himself with smokers) is one of the most satisfying running jokes in the series

- “Lemurs, Sully!” “Rabies, Nate” fsdajfkljdaskjhasjkhfasjdk

*cries helplessly like a little baby because I love everyone in this bar*

- I must say the clock tower felt like one of Nate’s most catastrophic onsets of… Nateness. That delicate complicated piece of machinery was still functioning perfectly after four hundred years and yet… Nate’s in there for five minutes and it crumbles like paper. I guess technically sinking the entirety of a city into the sand beats it, but… I keep coming back to the image of the cracked bell and then *high pitched giddy voice* “Hi Sully” JFC Nate ha ha

- *screams as Nate sends Sully and Elena away, literally turning to the adrenaline/treasure hunting madness he used to cope with trauma before he managed to work up to emotional intimacy with people who care about him because Sam is a jackass who knew exactly what buttons to press and is weirdly possessive of his little brother*

- You know… forgiving Sam is so hard when he repeatedly doubles down on his lies, making up further details unprovoked, because he knows it keeps Nate hooked and feeling guilty? Like Nate is far enough along in his character development at this point that just waving some treasure under his nose alone wouldn’t do it, you need that illusion that he’s saving someone he loves — the first person he ever relied on, who he thought he lost once because he failed him — to make him keep going, and Sam knows this and uses it and it’s so horribly, calculatedly cruel? I think there are a few times where he kind of wants to come clean (uh already too late because what the HELL he’s already fucked up all his relationships lol) only to be interrupted by Action but in the end it’s a deliberate, long con of assholery that it’s extremely difficult to look past. Ah well I guess he’s stuck as my ‘I will mercilessly yet affectionately mock you’ character, that’s something.

- Aaagh the scene where Elena’s like ‘who are you’ is so good because it must be such a blow, knowing this man she loves and (bravely, because he is a disaster magnet) made the choice to try to make a life with for the second time still thinks he needs to lie to her, like he’s been lying to the world at large for most of his life — his name is a lie, so much of his outer identity is invented, but hey she wouldn’t have married him if she didn’t think they were past that this time and trusted each other with honesty… and then out of the blue a dead-yet-still-somehow-smoking-a-sketchy-cigarette brother???? Normally the ‘what else have you been lying about’ line makes me roll my eyes but she is ABSOLUTELY right to wonder about that and it breaks my heart

as does Nate going ‘I’m just me’ in that voice aaaaaaauuuuuugh he does try but he’s not completely at the point where he thinks he can be acceptable and loved as he is, no need to hide the broken things, still that kid learning that it’s better to not be seen or tell the truth because it just makes things worse

(I feel it’s a good balance between ‘protagonist making some DUMB SELF-DESTRUCTIVE CHOICES LIKE AN IDIOT’ and ‘makes perfect, tragic sense considering their history’, ending up at sympathetic but still in the wrong and in need of getting it the hell together in a hurry. At least he clearly realizes he’s fucked up pretty much immediately, which is something I GUESS)

TL;DR Nate, listen to Sully and go talk it out with your wife, I’m real upset now I’ll go make myself a cup of tea ;____;

- Sam was straight up going to shoot Nadine in the head, huh. I mean… wow. I wonder why she doesn’t like you very much, bro lol

- I’m a Black Sails fan so whenever Anne Bonny shows up I’m like *golden retriever face* HI FRIEND HI sorry about the... poison

- ...is it weird that I want to write fix it fic for Evelyn and Ken

All his letters are so  c u t e  and loving and I am devastated

Puzzling their story together like that was super effective too — it was so cool that if you know what to look for you could find the Tokugawa armor he mentions in the first letter before any other clues, I was going ‘Oh she totally married that beautiful nerd’ right there and then ha ha. Evelyn’s design was wonderful, you could tell the force of nature she must have been in her prime.

Bonus points for Nate looking up at her like a puppy who’s found someone really cool to aspire to. Also their father looks nominally less of a rampant unrepentant asshole if he sold Cassandra’s things specifically to her mentor. Microscopically. I’d still like to kick his ass tho.

- I guess Sam is three to five years older than Nate, then, if he remembers (vaguely) going to Windsor before Nate was even born? Bit hazy on the timeline here, because Nate’s memories of their parents — especially their mum — must be quite hazy if, like Marlowe states in U3, he was surrendered to the state at the age of five and they moved around with their dad a lot even before that.

- Nate was the most tired-looking twelve year old I have ever seen and it hurts me

The fact that Nate started off looking exhausted and a little snub-nosed and grew into a very handsome and charming young man (ssssh I’m in no way biased here just because he’s my son) while Sam was sweet and bright-eyed as a teenager and now looks like someone who is low-key dealing drugs around the local high school… this game is truly a tour de force of character design

- So apparently Shoreline was already off to a bad start when Nadine took over? That makes it doubly sad that she’s judging herself so harshly for losing it when her father had already left it to her as a mess :(

- THANK YOU ELENA AND SULLY FOR SAVING THIS WONDERFUL FOOLISH BOY YET AGAIN. “I left my life for you”  D: D: D:

Also slightly sad that Sam has… literally nothing except Nate and Avery’s treasure? On the other hand that’s entirely his own fault so. Less sad. (Makes me immensely thankful Sully and then Elena found Nate when they did)

- Nate… using his words… cautiously expressing how he actually felt… Elena mulling it over… realizing part of why she loves him is that weird restless brain of his doing its thing……. coming up with a solution where they can solve it as partners in the ending………... I am clinically ded, go on without me

- Realest GPOY moment: Sully’s flat immediate ‘no’ to Nate going off to save Sam on his own. He’s so scared!!!! And so was I!!!! My soul bond with an American con man three times my age continues to be unbreakable

- Relieved that my sister was in control for the fencing bit, because I don’t know if I could handle being responsible for Nate’s safety like that

That said, how destroyed was I that Nate didn’t really start fighting back before Rafe threatened his family? Completely, though it does force me to take the words ‘ludonarrative dissonance’ in my mouth for the first time in my life — no way does he kill as many people in the reality of the story as you do in gameplay if he’s still this hesitant to respond to someone openly trying to murder him lol. I realize this is a game and they need some kind of pretense to keep it from being a movie with the occasional QTE, but Naughty Dog you can’t just… repeatedly show that Nate has a hard time killing in cold blood and then have him take out an army in the next breath

(Naughty Dog: We did and you’re completely willing to go with it lawl. Me: Oooooh I hate that you’re right)

- Nadine stone cold leaving those bitches behind Worked for me, you do you you beautiful disaster, see you next game with your excellent character development. Another wonderful thread they continue into The Lost Legacy: Sam being forever relegated to the back seat. Yes good.  

- Sully promptly semi-adopting a second Drake brother, arguably the tougher case. A power move if ever I saw one.

- I deeply respect Naughty Dog’s decision to make an epilogue to let me know everyone is safe and happy and it all turned out okay, but I also wish they wouldn’t have ha ha. The last scene with Elena and Nate perfectly set that up for me already, specifically spelling out one happy ending among the many that could have happened actually somewhat cheapened it for me? The ‘flash forward, now they have children, get immediately invested!’ move is already suuuuch a hard one to pull off and I think it did it about as well as they possibly could, but somehow I also begrudge Cassie for her position in the narrative and that’s not how I want to feel about it, y’know? Actually it’s fine, I’ll accept it, because their dog is named Vicky and Nate writes in his journal that he’d call his pet lemur Victor and it made my entire week

- Having played three of the games I can still say that Uncharted 3 is definitely my fave, but then parts of that seem genuinely tailor made specifically for me, so that’s not really a surprise ha ha

- Thank you, Uncharted, for being the emotionally intelligent yet light hearted adventure story with lovable characters I needed in this dark cold winter and making me spill over with so many flaily happy words. 

[xflower-childx]

A New Book

I see myself only really having two books of life, Ohio and Florida. Both having an excessive amount of chapters, A LOT of character development, and a revolving door of supporting roles. Florida's book is slowly coming to an end and it's been rather eventful. While the whole book has been a trip the past year or so I've noticed have been such intense growth and preperation for the next book. I've discovered inner peace and loving myself, speaking up when I deserve better or want something. I've discovered my worth.

I met a lovely lady (D will be her name here) who honestly stirred the start of the new book. After group meditation at the wellness center she owns while we were all just openly sharing about life she spoke of just up and moving out of her small hometown from her ex husband and adult son (Who she asked me to show around when he moves here before I leave 😏🙃). When I spoke up on how I always wanted to move and I've been working on conquering fears and not allowing high anxiety run me she brought up control and how it seemed like I struggled with needing to have it to feel safe. Yeah. That's true. That sat with me HARD. The next day was the work meeting that would change my life. K and A said that BB will be closing in a month. I knew we were struggling but I didn't realize how bad. I also knew all the shit with the partnership. A had looked at me curiously during the meeting and said "You promised me and yourself that this was your last job in Florida. What are you going to do?" I laughed and jokingly said "Looks like I'm moving to North Carolina." But as everyone else started to speak on what's next it settled in my head. Why not? Why not just move? Why not let go of control and start new? All I have is my little Alien and myself so what's stopping me? D did it, why can't I?

On my drive home it weighed in my head so heavily. I didn't feel as much sadness for BB closing as I felt excitement over the thought of moving. I had so many thoughts running through my head in that drive. I had to get them out, I needed to hear that I wasn't crazy for thinking this was possible, that I could do it, that this push off the cliff was to see if everything I've learned was to teach me how to fly and I needed to hear from someone else that I would soar and see all new heights. I knew I wasn't going to hear it from my mom though because she would only put fear and anxiety into me (I swear she is who I've developed a lot of my anxiety from). I knew my sister would encourage it but also add anxiety, and talk about how I would be leaving her and apparently 'Living her dream'. I knew who would give me what I wanted though. He was default for a while and I knew he would say what I wanted to hear because I knew he had faith I could do it. He always did. He always pushed me to. I selfishly messaged him, going against the other part of my brain saying not to open that damn door.

Of course I was right. He said what I needed to hear. He has been one of the only people to see me function outside of family and a family run environment. He knows a side of me that they don't know. The side that I wanted to grow and develop, one that started from him being in my life... And ohhh boy it grew from him leaving.. and I fucking love this side. She's still got some growing of course but I'm proud of her. She's stronger than I ever saw possible and she's beautiful and happy and she's not letting anyone stop her from going for what she wants... In a non-controlling way though. 😂

I look at this new book coming up though and I know it's a fresh start and I don't want anything bad holding me back from living it. I want to shed the old snake skin and start new. I've been shedding some old already, but there is a piece that is still part of this skin that is fraying. I want to take him with me because ultimately he's someone I hold close but he hurts. He hurts a lot. Ever since the start I had always felt like second best even though I played a number one role in his life. Even when he had his other girl a few hours away I was second although I felt like I was going to third. I was able to almost mute that feeling when we were in each other's lives though because we were always around each other and I continued to play the role of number one. I was always a place filler though and I knew that deep down. He was never able to really let go of his ex and I don't know if he ever will. I always tried to become better to get his attention but he would just look through me and remind me that he never had any passion for me and everything between us was in my head. I would just defend him in some way though and continue to try and be there.

I was always there. Even when I'm not. Even now when I push him out because no matter what I will always feel like I'm not enough for him. Not as a partner because I already know that but even as a friend. He's never really spoken otherwise. Anyone can say 'Thanks for being there' but those that really appreciate it will put into words their gratitude. Especially when the other has spoken of needing it because they don't feel love and appreciation.

I understand now why I had such high anxiety in CO. Foreign place plus feeling like R2 showing off being favorite person. God she knew it and rubbed it in. I actually wonder if they realize she has feelings for him? I mean honestly the jealousy and just all around energy of the whole trip was HEAVY and some of the stuff she said... I could be wrong but I've learned to trust my instincts by now 😂. For a minute it crossed my mind if they'd slept together but I know R and his type and I observed their interactions and feel as no they didn't. My ability to read people and having amazing observation skills is such a blessing and a curse 🤦. Also being an empath doesn't help. I felt everyone's mood and energy and it just weighed on me and made me feel like I'm drowning. I lost myself entirely that trip and I felt so scared and raw. I had nothing and no one to hang onto and the pain that I felt by R not giving a fuck hurt even more. He spoke words that made me want to pack up and get on a plane in that moment because I felt so unwanted and broken there. The ability to take love from someone when its needed during life changing experiences but say 'Fuck you grow up and deal with it' when that person is crying asking for love and comfort is beyond me. Especially to allow them to walk away to an Uber by themselves when again you know how much they hurt and how high their anxiety already is. I really don't think he knows how much I've looked back on that exact moment and felt pain in my chest. How it hurts to even write still. How selfish I see him from that and little I feel like I matter to him. Ever mattered to him. I even remember asking him with so much fear to ride with me to the airport because I had hopes we could try and mend something on the way but the fear came into knowing he would say no. I wonder if he thinks he was trying to help teach me to take care of myself and not rely on someone else- which mission accomplished I've learned- but in probably one of the most cruel and unloving ways possible. The wise words of NF 'If you want love you gone have to give some away'. (Funny how that song came on writing that part.)

I wouldn't be me if I didn't say this though as I look at every angle of everything and everyone. I know I relyed on him too much. I know I put to much trust and love into him (Which whooo more trust issues) and I know he was crushing under the weight of it. I know he is a human and I respect that, and I take the blame for relying on him. I take the blame for not being able to pick myself up under the weight of everyone's judgement and energy (Ohhh man the energy after he talked to his friends about me 🤦 90% I was just running on fumes and fake positivity at that point to try and get by) instead of reaching out for a hand to help me. I couldn't find the peace and comfort in myself there and wish I could have. I wish the circumstances were different and I didn't always feel so... Useless next to him. I don't think that's the word I'm really looking for but it will do.

I wish we could have actually talked though after. I wish I heard him apologize at least once sincerely. I wish I HEARD him care. I wish he wanted to care. I wish I mattered more to him than a hand to hold and guide him out of the dark of his unforgotten ex. I guess that's what I get for falling for a man not even months out of a relationship. I wish our friendship wasn't so tainted by the inability to let go of the past on both sides.

If he and I had actually talked though and we both owned up to our faults and reminded each other that we're important to the other and just genuinely thank the other for the love and care we put into our relationship than I think I would be able to take him with me. I could see our friendship mending and growing with sending silly pictures of new adventures we go on and my alien seeing the world and maybe him coming to visit me there even and I him wherever life takes him next. I could see myself starting to trust him again and being able to ask for adivce again. I could see him being able to come to me again and myself giving him pages of messages as I talk my way through the advice to get to a point 😅☹️ But he's too damn stubborn to talk and I don't even know if he sees fault in his actions and words. I love him and if I could openly say anything to him it's that I hope he's happy. I hope he can finally let her go and allow himself to love again because he will always find faults and pain in potential love if he keeps holding onto her and he will only put pain on future love interests. I know he NEVER meant any harm on me and I know he warned me and I know he tried and was doing the best he could with what he had and understood at the time when he lived here. When it comes to after... I have nothing left to say but pain.

I love him but I love myself more. I love myself enough to know that I don't deserve to feel pain from someone I gave nothing but love, care, patience and understanding to. Someone that any moment they needed it I was ready to encourage them and push them forward. Someone I had nothing but faith and belief in. Someone I genuinely cared about. Someone who was ready to drop me when my demons appeared and I was at my worst. I know that it doesn't matter how much I care about him though, I care about myself more. I wish him well, and the best and love but not from me. Not anymore. I can't ask him to give me words when he doesn't want to give them because that's not only unfair to him, its unfair to me because it hurts me. I wish I could share my next journey with him, I wish I could share all my excitement with him and all the crazy things that have happened so far and the things that could possibly happen next. I wish he asked and I believed he really wanted to know... Also I got bit by a dog and I wanted to tell him and show the pictures cause wtf the bruising and bite marks man 🤦 He was my best friend. One of my favorite best friends. One my favorite people and I wish I didn't have to let him go over fucking stubbornness and screwed up pasts.

I have a new book ahead of me and I'm ready for some blank pages. I'm ready for a fresh start, new friends, new adventures, and a new world. I'm ready to continue to grow and expand my knowledge on life, the world around me and myself. I'm really happy right now though. I feel a little lonely while being my own best friend because I don't really have anyone to talk to about my next story or share my ideas with but it's alright I guess. I trust that things will fall into place amongst the confusion in my head.

I haven't shared how scared I am with anyone either. Reality smacked me in the face on my last day last week and I realized how much is about to change and I'm stepping out of my comfort zone. I'm so proud but so so scared. I know I can do it and I know that this is such a great, exciting change but man I'm going completely solo and alone on this besides my alien 🤦

We tough though. We got this. 😊💪

[chaiitae]

bts home party...WAUW

as i’m sitting on the subway on my way back to my dorm (bc i’m too hyped to wait until i get back oops), i’m reflecting on the night i just had with people who were strangers sitting next to me who are now friends i can’t wait to keep in touch with as we bonded over our love for the 7 boys that make up bts ;; literally one of the best nights of my life but i aLWAYS SAY THAT ANY TIME I SEE THESE BOYS LIVE because they honestly work so hard and make us sO happy and i just can’t believe i got to experience a festa anniversary event irl like RIP ;;;;; click keep reading to read how i reacted to these 7 dorks all night along with the girls who were sitting next to me who are now my new friends lmao omg ♪(・∀・*)乂(*・∀・)ノ

- i had a solo photoshoot with the bts photos that were put up to take photos with and then these girls were like “let’s take pics together” bc i think they saw i was alone so i almost CRIED they were so sweet and they gave me cute free pins they made i love my fellow armys

- the line for merch felt like it would take forever but it didn’t and i got tae’s, jeon’s, jin’s, and hope’s straps bc i was too broke to afford them all but I’M STILL SUPER HAPPY and the transparent photocards and i had a mini dance party with myself after i bought them lol

- i sat in line with the girls i made friends with and we basically were just fangirling and crying over kinda hearing what the boys were rehearsing and then i told them how i would probs pee myself during the concert and they were like “FIND US AFTER THE CONCERT IF YOU NEED EXTRA UNDERWEAR” and i was like in DISBELIEF bc of how cute and nice they were omfg

- then we were let in and when i got to my seat (section b) i COULD NOT BELIEVE how intimate this venue was omfg anD THEN THE LIGHTS DIMMED AND I ALMOST STARTED HYPERVENTILATING I WAS SO SHOOK

- the opening parody of bst i LEGIT held onto the girl next to me bc i was laughing so hard esp when yoongi refused jin’s kiss oMFG

- THE AMOUNT OF RYANS NAMJOON HAS LEGIT MADE ME YELP AND THERE WERE SO MANY PEOPLE WEARING RYAN PAJAMAS IT WAS SO CUTE

- everyone was HARDCORE FEELING 여기봐 AND I TRIED TO SING TAEKOOK’S “외롭다고 징징댈 땐 이미 늦었어” IN FALSETTO TOO AND LET’S JUST SAY THE GIRL NEXT TO ME WAS LAUGHING SO HARD

- the ROOMMATE BATTLES were so funny even though i don’t understand korean 100% i could just feel what they were saying and also the girl next to me semi translated for me and i almost CRIED she was so SWEET I LOVE PEOPLE

- i spit out my water when yoongi drew taehyung i could not BELIEVE how min yoongi, an intellect, drew him so PERFECTLY

- ok but also who gave taehyung, jungkook, and jin to be so ADORABLE in the back while the others were drawing them bc i sURE AS HECK DIDN’T I ALMOST TOLD MY FRIEND TO CALL 119 ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

- also jungkook winked while he was in the back and my heart basically jumped out of my body and refused to reenter aka i died the end

- i THINK i made fFRINCJAEIRKNV EYE CONTACT with TAEHYUNG in the BEGINNING during the games and when they were TALKING and he SMILED in our general direction and me and the girl next to me looked at each other and just HUGGED I WAS CRYING AND WAS OVER THE MOON JFC

- WHY WERE ALL OF JUNGKOOK’S DRAWINGS OF HIM WITH OVERSIZED MUSCLES BUT ALSO TRU ୧ʕ•̀ᴥ•́ʔ୨

- fUCKIGN 4 O’CLOCK SUNG BY THE LEGENDS THEMSELVES AKA R&V I WAS UGLY SOBBING THE WHOLE TIME esPECIALLY WHEN THEY WERE HARMONIZING WHILE FACING EACH OTHER I WAS G O N E ヽ(´Д｀ヽ

- 3J’S DANCE STAGE SLAYED MY ENTIRE LIFE AND I could not BELIEVE THAT HAPPENED AND IT WAS REAL AND THEY WERE SO PRECISE WOW IDK WHY J ISN’T A HOLY LETTER TBH ₍₍⁽⁽(ી(´;ω;` )ʃ)₎₎⁾⁾

- when i heard nevermind start playing i was like “oh man yoongi’s about to eff it up” bUT THEN JIN CAME IN LOOKIN LIKE A PIMP (⌐■_■) AND I WAS LIKE OOOOOOO SNAP AND HIS PERFECT PRONUNCIATION AND TONE i was out of breath oh man

- yoongi was GETTIN IT on awake omfg bb sang his heart out and the girl next to me was a yoongi stan and she was CRYING because of how legendary min yoongi is thank u (◍°̧̧̧o°̧̧̧◍)

- JIN’S CHOREO FOR SPINEBREAKER LIVE ME AND THE GIRL NEXT TO ME WERE DOING IT TOO AND IT WAS A GREAT MOMENT AND THEY ALL GOT IT PERFECT THIS TIME BLESS

- ok i like it pt2 is one of my FAVE japanese bts songs so i was like oh FRICK this is gonna RUIN me and guess what it DID and now even though i know all the japanese lyrics i have to learn all the korean lyrics and i am SAD but fell in LOVE with the song all over again ugh ヽ(*´з｀*)ﾉ

- spring day perfect as ever this time i could actually focus on the choreo and watching since at the wings tour in seoul i was just CRYING oops but also jin tickling tae’s chin during their little duet part i almost yelled “하지마 MY HEART” so loud good thing i didn’t!!!!!!!!!!!

- I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY DID THE LITTLE KID VERSION OF FIRE OH MY GOD WHEN THEY CAME OUT IN THOSE OUTFITS I LOST MY SHIT

- ROSY CHEEKS BANGTAN IS MY NEW AESTHETIC ٩(*ゝڡ◕๑)۶♥

- BERET TAEHYUNG AND BANDANA JIN MORE LIKE GOODBYE WORLD ( °٢° )

- CUTESY BOY IN LUV AND HOW THEY ALL SANG THE “되고파 너의 오빠” PART WITH AEGYO I JUST ABOUT ALMOST THREW UP THEY WERE TOO CUTE

- i kid you not i peed myself a good amount during the jazz ver of dope because it was just all TOO MUCH

- PSA JIN IS TRULY WORLDWIDE HANDSOME AND YOONGI IS WORLDWIDE CUTIE

- when jimin said “나도” one girl next to me was like “나도 오빠!!!!” and then she turned to me and the girl next to me and was like “내 오빠가 아니야 ㅋㅋㅋ" AND I LOST IT SHE WAS SO FRICKIN FUNNY

- jungkook putting the red paper heart in taehyung’s beret uM JUST STAB ME IN THE HEART (⁎⁍̴̀﹃ ⁍̴́⁎)♡

- 95 LINE CUTELY ARGUING AT THE END DURING TAE’S GOODBYE AND TAE SAYING HE’D MAKE IT ON HIS OWN I WAS SNORTING UP A STORM IN MY SEAT i apologize to all who heard me

- whenever they kept saying lets go on for 5, 10, 20+ more years, i kept getting EMO because i pray and hope everyday that we can all truly be with the 7 boys forever because they are one of a kind and truly the best people in the entire world heheheh i love them

- the encore performances K I L L E D me and i barely remember them bc i was crying intensely and didn’t want it to end so rip me 

- attack on bangtan is one of my fave songs so that just had me gone already bc it reminded me of TRB and i got really EMO

- MA CITY IS MY FAVE SONG ON HYYH PT2 SO I WAS JUST SHOOK TO THE MAX

- 21CG is one of my favorite bts performances bc of how fun and hype it is and seeing it irl with the fanchants and all made me just UGLY EMO at this point i just love them so much

BANGTAN FOREVER ILY A MILLY!! ♡ now it’s TIME TO GO CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و

[xflower-childx]

I see myself only really having two books of life, Ohio and Florida. Both having an excessive amount of chapters, A LOT of character development, and a revolving door of supporting roles. Florida’s book is slowly coming to an end and it’s been rather eventful. While the whole book has been a trip the past year or so I’ve noticed have been such intense growth and preparation for the next book. I’ve discovered inner peace and loving myself, speaking up when I deserve better or want something. I’ve discovered my worth.

I met a lovely lady, D, I’ve found myself connecting with her on a different level, shes my moms age but she comes from a small tow, religious home and lifestyle. She always felt crazy because she had these extra feelings, she felt things more passionately than others and could feed of other energy around her she saw signs and other stuff. It all affected her growing up with how crazy she felt. I know that feeling for sure. I’ve always felt crazy for all my extra feelings, connections, fucking car accidents. She is who honestly stirred the start of the new book. After group meditation at the wellness center she owns while we were all just openly sharing about life she spoke of just up and moving out of her small hometown from her ex husband and adult son (Who she asked me to show around when he moves here before I leave 😏🙃). When I spoke up on how I always wanted to move and I’ve been working on conquering fears and not allowing high anxiety run me; she brought up control and how it seemed like I struggled with needing to have it to feel safe. Yeah. That’s true. That sat with me HARD. The next day was the work meeting that would change my life. K and A said that BB will be closing in a month. I knew we were struggling but I didn’t realize how bad. I also knew all the shit with the partnership. A had looked at me curiously during the meeting and said “You promised me and yourself that this was your last job in Florida. What are you going to do?” I laughed and jokingly said “Looks like I’m moving to North Carolina.” But as everyone else started to speak on what’s next it settled in my head. Why not? Why not just move? Why not let go of control and start new? All I have is my little Alien and myself so what’s stopping me? D did it, why can’t I?

On my drive home it weighed in my head so heavily. I didn’t feel as much sadness for BB closing as I felt excitement over the thought of moving. I had so many thoughts running through my head in that drive. I had to get them out, I needed to hear that I wasn’t crazy for thinking this was possible, that I could do it, that this push off the cliff was to see if everything I’ve learned was to teach me how to fly and I needed to hear from someone else that I would soar and see all new heights. I knew I wasn’t going to hear it from my mom though because she would only put fear and anxiety into me (I swear she is who I’ve developed a lot of my anxiety from). I knew my sister would encourage it but also add anxiety, and talk about how I would be leaving her and apparently ‘Living her dream’. I knew who would give me what I wanted though. He was default for a while and I knew he would say what I wanted to hear because I knew he had faith I could do it. He always did. He always pushed me to. So I selfishly messaged him, going against the other part of my brain saying not to open that damn door.

Of course I was right. He said what I needed to hear. He has been one of the only people to see me function outside of family and a family run environment. He knows a side of me that they don’t know. The side that I wanted to grow and develop, one that started from him being in my life… And ohhh boy it grew from him leaving.. and I fucking love this side. She’s still got some growing of course but I’m proud of her. She’s stronger than I ever saw possible and she’s beautiful and happy and she’s not letting anyone stop her from going for what she wants… In a non-controlling way though. 😂

I look at this new book coming up though and I know it’s a fresh start and I don’t want anything bad holding me back from living it. I want to shed the old snake skin and start new. I’ve been shedding some old already, but there is a piece that is still part of this skin that is fraying. Skin that I find too hard to shed. I want to take him with me because ultimately he’s someone I hold close but he hurts. He hurts a lot. Ever since the start I had always felt like second best even though I played a number one role in his life. Even when he had his other girl a few hours away I was second although I felt like I was going to third. I was able to almost mute that feeling when we were in each other’s lives though because we were always around each other and I continued to play the role of number one. I was always a place filler and I knew that deep down. He was never able to really let go of his ex and I don’t know if he ever will. I always tried to become better to get his attention but he would just look through me and remind me that he never had any passion for me and everything between us was in my head. I would just defend him in some way though and continue to try and be there because yeah I wanted to be. I loved our days and time together. I truly was happy and there are so many moments that still make me smile. There are moments where I could see it in his eyes that he did adore me; I knew that it would disappear though as quickly as it came. I would stare an extra moment to try and hold onto it to remember it for when I needed to convince myself later that it all wasn’t built up in my head.

I was always there. Even when I wasn’t. Even now when I try and push him away because no matter what I will always feel like I’m not enough for him. Not as a partner because I already know that but even as a friend. He’s never really spoken otherwise. Anyone can say 'Thanks for being there’ but those that really appreciate it will put into words their gratitude. Especially when the other has spoken of needing it because they don’t feel love and appreciation.

I understand now why I had such high anxiety in CO. Foreign place plus just feeling like I didn’t belong- because I didn’t. Along with R2 showing off being favorite person. God she knew it and rubbed it in. I actually wonder if they realize she has feelings for him? I mean honestly the jealousy and just all around energy of the whole trip was HEAVY and some of the stuff she said… I could be wrong but I’ve learned to trust my instincts by now 😂. For a minute it crossed my mind if they’d slept together but I observed their interactions and feel as no they didn’t; but again I could be wrong... Instincts though. My ability to read people and having amazing observation skills is such a blessing and a curse 🤦. Also being an empath doesn’t help. I felt everyone’s mood and energy and it just weighed on me and made me feel like I was drowning. I lost myself entirely that trip and I felt so scared and raw. I had nothing and no one to hang onto and the pain that I felt by R not giving a fuck hurt even more. He spoke words that made me want to pack up and get on a plane in that moment because I felt so unwanted and broken there. The ability to take love from someone when its needed during life changing experiences but say 'Fuck you grow up and deal with it’ when that person who gave it is crying asking for love and comfort back is beyond me. Especially to allow them to walk away to an Uber by themselves when again you know how much they hurt and how high their anxiety already is. I really don’t think he knows how much I’ve looked back on that exact moment and felt pain in my chest. How it hurts to even write still. How selfish I see him from that and little I feel like I matter to him. Ever mattered to him. I even remember asking him with so much fear to ride with me to the airport because I had hopes we could try and mend something on the way but the fear came into knowing he would say no. I wonder if he thinks he was trying to help teach me to take care of myself and not rely on someone else- which mission accomplished I’ve learned- but in probably one of the most cruel and unloving ways possible. The wise words of NF 'If you want love you gone have to give some away’. (Funny how that song came on writing that part.)

I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t say this though as I look at every angle of everything and everyone. I know I relied on him too much.  I know I put too much trust and love into him (Which whooo more trust issues) and I know he was crushing under the weight of it. I know he is a human and I respect that, and I take the blame for relying on him. I take the blame for not being able to pick myself up under the weight of everyone’s judgement and energy (Ohhh man the energy after he talked to his friends about me 🤦 90% sure I was just running on fumes and fake positivity at that point to try and get by) instead of reaching out for a hand to help me. I couldn’t find the peace and comfort in myself there and wish I could have. I wish the circumstances were different and I didn’t always feel so… Useless next to him. I don’t think that’s the word I’m really looking for but it will do. I also will claim to putting more into us than he ever asked for, he even tried to stop me from doing. He was still always there though. We still continued on and he had to know I was still giving and he was still taking. 

I wish we could have actually talked though after. I wish I heard him apologize at least once sincerely. I wish I heard him care. I wish he wanted to care. I wish I mattered more to him than a hand to hold and guide him out of the dark of his unforgotten ex. I guess that’s what I get for falling for a man not even months out of a relationship. I wish our friendship wasn’t so tainted by the inability to let go of the past on both sides. I miss him, I often ask myself if it’s really the concept of him I miss, which yes I miss that too; a best friend- someone you can go and talk to whenever about whatever and if I had a best friend it would be easier to not miss him. I do though, or maybe I miss who he was when we were at our best; but I guess we never were though. I guess he’s like my S; no we didn’t have this ‘Amazing, passionate, wild, loving blah blah blah toxic, abusive relationship’ and in the end I know our relationship really didn’t matter to him much; but it did to me. It meant more than I guess he can see as it helped shape who I am now. He guided me here and had faith in me when I didn’t feel like anyone did including myself. I’ll always love him (No not in love, I don’t think I could ever work myself up to trust him that way and I don’t see us fitting anymore) like I’m sure he will always love her, I’ll always hope for the best for him and care, but I know I love myself more than him to allow myself to move on from having him in my life because I know our relationship can never change and heal if only one person is fighting for it. The same person who fought the whole time.

If he and I had actually talked though and we both owned up to our faults and reminded each other that we’re important to the other and just genuinely thank the other for the love and care we put into our relationship than I think I would be able to take him with me. I could see our friendship mending and growing with sending silly pictures of new adventures we go on and my alien seeing the world and maybe him coming to visit me there and I him wherever life takes him next. I could see myself starting to trust him again and being able to ask for advice again. I could see him being able to come to me again and myself giving him pages of messages as I talk my way through the advice to get to a point 😅☹️ But he’s too damn stubborn to talk and I don’t even know if he sees fault in his actions and words. I love him and if I could openly say anything to him it’s that I hope he’s happy. I hope he can finally let her go and allow himself to love again because he will always find faults and pain in potential love if he keeps holding onto her and he will only put pain on future love interests. I know he NEVER meant any harm on me and I know he warned me and I know he tried and was doing the best he could with what he had and understood at the time when he lived here. When it comes to after… I have nothing left to say but pain.

I love him but I love myself more. I love myself enough to know that I don’t deserve to feel pain from someone I gave nothing but love, care, patience and understanding to. Someone that any moment they needed it I was ready to encourage them and push them forward. Someone I had-have- nothing but faith and belief in. Someone I genuinely cared-care- about. Someone who was ready to drop me when my demons appeared and I was at my worst. I know that it doesn’t matter how much I care about him though, I care about myself more. I wish him well, and the best and love but not from me. Not anymore. I can’t ask him to give me words when he doesn’t want to give them because that’s not only unfair to him, its unfair to me because it hurts me. I wish I could share my next journey with him, I wish I could share all my excitement with him and all the crazy things that have happened so far; like getting bit by a dog and some bitch claiming I was stealing money from work. and the things that could possibly happen next. I wish he asked and I believed he really wanted to know; He was my best friend. One of my favorite best friends. One my favorite people and I wish I didn’t have to let him go over fucking stubbornness and screwed up pasts.

I have a new book ahead of me and I’m ready for some blank pages. I’m ready for a fresh start, new friends, new adventures, and a new world. I’m ready to continue to grow and expand my knowledge on life, the world around me and myself. I’m really happy right now- I feel a little lonely while being my own best friend because I don’t really have anyone to talk to about my next story or share my ideas with but it’s alright I guess. I trust that things will fall into place amongst the confusion in my head.

I haven’t shared how scared I am with anyone either. Reality smacked me in the face on my last day last week and I realized how much is about to change and I’m stepping out of my comfort zone. I’m so proud but so so scared. I know I can do it and I know that this is such a great, exciting change but man I’m going completely solo and alone on this besides my alien 🤦

We tough though. We got this. 😊💪