#I’m honestly excited to start posting photos again I have so many fits to wear!! cuz schools starting

[lumosinlove]

Between Fifth And You

AO3

chapter two

~

It’s Saturday night for Manhattan’s elite, and we know what that means. The Noble House of Black beckons, and one particularly family seems to be a little behind on preparations—at least, their youngest son is.

Spotted—Logan Tremblay, looking hot in nothing but basketball shorts. Better soak up that fading blue August heat while you can, Lo. Or are you more interested in something a little more…fiery? But in the LES? Why so far from home, Dorothy? Eye color isn’t the only thing green about the Tremblay family. And they have a bad habit of sorting everything out with a little help from Ben Franklin.

“Shoot, shoot!”

Logan pivoted on his heel and was able to toss the ball around his opponent’s shoulder. He only caught a glimpse of red hair as Finn caught it with ease and jumped it up to the rim.

Finn O’Hara. One of these days Logan was going to step on his own shoes watching Finn O’Hara. His pale chest looked like sugar dusting, his exertion-red cheeks the goddamn cherry.

“Point moo-oi!” Finn shouted, slapping Will Morgan and Percy Marshall on their bare backs. “That’s how you say it, right, Tremblay?”

Logan feigned a shudder. “Non.”

“Shorty’s got game,” Will laughed, sweat dripping down his dark brown skin, darkening the leather bracelets he wore.

Percy shook his head, swallowing over a caught-breath, his silver Star of David swinging at his throat. “Shorty must be cheating with his Upper Side shoes.”

Logan just narrowed his eyes and laughed, pushing his hair out of his eyes. “You’re just tall. Doesn’t mean you’re good.”

“Yeah, yeah, Mazel tov, you fucker.”

“I’m finally winning,” Finn grinned. “And now I gotta get back to the shop. I said be back in five…pretty sure it’s been fifty-five.”

Logan swallowed. “I’ll—I’ll walk you.”

Percy slapped him on the back as they left, and Finn held the cage door of the basketball court open for him.

“So, you’re back at school?” Finn asked as he pulled his shirt on. Logan nodded, following suit, picking at the neck where it stuck to his sweaty skin.

“Yeah,” Logan nodded. “I’m supposed to be getting fitted for a suit right now.”

Finn snorted. “What does that have to do with school?”

“Oh,” the corner of Logan’s mouth raised as he realized. “Nothing, I…well, you know. The social scene. It sort of all feels like one thing, up there.”

Finn pouted at him. “Poor baby. Too many parties.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Logan laughed.

“Hey, feel like lunch?”

“I thought you had to be back.”

Finn shrugged. “I’m hungry.”

Logan bit his lip, wondering how many different ways his older sisters could actually kill him. Honestly, he thought he’d just die on the spot of he passed up the change to be squeezed into one of the small restaurants that Finn frequented. Screw the grand tables of his life. Logan wanted cracked leather booths small enough to let their ankles brush. Not that he’d ever say that out loud.

Finn didn’t disappoint. They walked down the shade of Mott street, then turned at a bakeshop on the corner. Finn pointed at it.

“You’ve been here, haven’t you?”

Logan raised a shoulder. “I don’t get down here much.”

Finn snorted. “Listen to you. Down here. You’re down here enough to pop into my bookstore all the time.”

Logan studied the cakes in the windows, biting his lip when he realized Finn’s eyes were still on him in the reflection. “I…yeah.”

Finn flicked the bill of Logan’s hat which shaded the back of his neck. “How’s that latest book you bought?”

Logan turned away from the window to get them walking again, not sure where they were going but trusting Finn to lead. “I’m starting school, man, I don’t have all the time in the world.”

Finn just laughed. “Come on, let’s catch the 6.”

Logan found himself squeezed into a tiny French restaurant in the West Village that served them even tinier croissants.

“I know the chef,” Finn said popping one he had spread jam and butter on into his mouth. “Dumo. Don’t pay a cent. I fucking love these things.”

Logan would have bought Finn a thousand of the tiny pastries without a blink just to see him lick a bit of jam from his thumb again.

“Dumo doesn’t sound very French…” Logan began cutting up his waffle.

Finn laughed. “Pascal Dumais does.”

“Oh. Yeah, that’s more like it.”

Logan glanced at a woman and her baby, who had started crying. He tried to think of something to say. For someone who’s job seemed to be making small talk at various parties and charming people with his accent—or so his mother sometimes said—he sure was horrible at it.

“So, what’s the suit for?” Finn asked, taking a sip of his black coffee.

“A fashion show,” Logan sighed, hiding his surprise—and maybe delight—at Finn’s unknowing shrug. “It’s…sort of a lot. Lots of people and cameras. And I always have to wear something green.”

Finn hummed in understanding. “It’s the eyes, yeah?”

Logan nodded. “A lot of fast English, too.”

Finn tilted his head. “I didn’t know that was hard for you. You’re perfect.”

Logan tried not to flush and covered it with a shrug. “I lived in France until I was fifteen before we finally moved to my dad. It’s still nice to be able to read lips sometimes. With the flashes and they make it super dark…I don’t know.”

“No, that makes sense,” Finn said, brown eyes soft. He smiled. “Hey, well, if you don’t want to go to the fitting, come man the shop with me. I’d love the company.”

Logan looked at him and ached, but saw his older sister Noelle’s pleading, excited expression in his mind. He might not love the scene, but he loved his sisters. “I wish I could. Really.”

They finished up their food and Logan had to admit that he lingered over his coffee until Finn said he absolutely had to leave.

“Hey, Tremblay,” Finn called from down the sidewalk, and Logan turned in the full knowledge that seeing the smile Finn sent him would only make him want to stay more.

The dutiful son wants the bookshop boy…I don’t know, Lo. How will their royal highnesses feel about that?

“Come buy more books you don’t read soon, okay?”

Logan couldn’t help but smile back. “D’accord.”

Finn walked backwards a few steps, yelling, “And bring me something green!” before turning and jogging down the subway stairs.

Logan laughed as he called his driver to him, escaping the heat for air conditioned leather.

XOXO

Pearls or diamonds, Upper Siders? Armani or Ralph? What, like you have other questions tonight?

Well, I have one for you. A tip from a friendly scroller gave me a peak at tonight’s guest list. Do you think we’re in for more than just a showdown on the runway? Cat fights over cat walks is what I always say.

XOXO.

[Image description: Two name cards reading, from left to right, Leo Knut and Remus Lupin, Sirius Black and Sebastian Montague]

Remus found Julian already dressed and tapping at a game on his phone when he descended the winding staircase of their penthouse.

“You waiting for mom and dad?” Remus said, dropping a kiss to the top of his head.

“And you,” Julian said.

“Right, right,” Remus smoothed his black tuxedo, trying to ignore the subtle glint of blue-silver embroidered into the black velvet. His mother was a planner—which Remus liked usually—but this design had not aged well. This suit had a twin that it no longer belonged with. Remus clenched his jaw as he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He’d hoped wearing it would feel like defiance.

But it only felt like he was lonely. He gave his head a hard shake. He had Leo. He couldn’t let New York throw him.

“Gossip Girl’s going crazy. Of course,” Julian said.

“Jules, you shouldn’t read that stuff,” Remus sighed. “It’s just gossip—”

“Just posted about Sirius,” Julian murmured.

Remus huffed, pushing his hair out of its too neat style in the mirror. “So?”

Julian shrugged, but pointedly looked away when Remus took out his own phone.

The photo looked like one from the paparazzi, but the sight of Sirius on the red carpet made Remus’ throat close up.

I spy a statement piece. Or maybe it’s just a statement. Sirius Black arrives on the red carpet—or should I say black carpet—with none other than New York’s favorite icon, in worship and fashion alike. The Saint of these streets is looking particularly dashing tonight, hand in hand with the heir of this city. Ouch, Re. Looks like you’ve been dethroned.

Remus stared down at the screen, neck hot. Sirius’ suit sleeves had the barely there leather half moon cut-outs that Remus remembered tracing onto his skin.

Sirius had smiled into their kiss. Think anyone will notice?

Remus had just laughed. Everyone will notice.

But there was Saint, a crown of moonstones in his golden hair.

Remus looked down at his own suit. Of course Saint had thought of a way they’d match, that was all it was, but it still felt like a snub.

“I sort of miss him,” Julian said quietly.

Remus’ heart pulled. He swallowed and clicked his phone off. He looked at Julian, who looked almost sheepish.

“Do you?” Julian asked even more quietly.

“Don’t you like Leo?” Remus asked.

“Of course,” Julian nodded quickly. “But…”

“Remus,” Hope smiled, coming down the stairs arm-in-arm with their father. “Jules. Ready, boys?”

Remus didn’t think saying no was an option. He cleared his throat, pushed his hair back.

“Almost,” he said, backtracking towards the stairs. “Just a second. Gotta call Leo, make sure he hasn’t left yet.”

XOXO

“We can watch a livestream of the red carpet and the show,” Natalie said. “Sit.”

Finn groaned, squished beside Natalie on her tiny sofa. “That feels like I’m stalking him.”

“We’re allowed to stalk the boys we like.”

“You’re dating my brother, Nat. Does this mean you stalked him?”

“It really does,” Alex said, coming in from the kitchen with their margaritas and dropping a kiss to Natalie’s temple.

“Hm,” Natalie smiled up at him, accepting a kiss to her lips. “Scruffy.”

Finn sighed and pulled a knee up to his chest, watching the loading video Natalie had pulled up.

“Your wifi sucks,” he mumbled.

“It’ll load,” Natalie scooted over for Alex and passed Finn his drink.

“Salsa, too,” Finn said, waving it over.

Finally, the video popped up to a view of the red carpet.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Alex said.

“Be nice,” Natalie laughed. “It’s fashion!”

“Look,” Alex sighed. “I know they’re wealthy and it’s suppose to be all, I don’t know sandy beaches and wristwatches, but not a single one of these people look remotely happy. Like take a look at this guy—“

Finn looked over the sandy-haired man posing in front of the cameras—well, not posing, really. Kasey Winter, the commentators were saying.

“Nice hair,” Natalie crunched on a chip. “And listen to that, his mother’s one of the biggest producers at Weird Sisters Records.”

“Fine, but he looks like he’s ready to kill someone. I mean, anyone else think its kind of fucked up that the New York families go to a New York university where New York businesses draw from New York’s elite?”

“Yes,” Finn and Natalie said in unison.

And then there was Logan.

Finn let out an embarrassing sound and set his drink down, leaning forward.

Logan walked out in front of the cameras with three girls—his sisters, Finn remembered. Not to mention he followed all of them on Instagram. They had a lot of shoes, sure, but they seemed all right.

“I saw this thing on Gossip Girl about one of the sisters,” Natalie said. “She—”

“Nat, why the hell do you read that?”

Natalie shot him a look. “Like you don’t.”

Finn ignored them, too focused on the dark, nearly black, velvety green cape—or was it cloak?—that covered Logan’s shoulders down to above his elbows, falling to an elegant point at the small of his back over his black suit. The sisters had a similar get-up in one way or another—a green train, a shawl, a corset. Logan’s clasp was a silver fleur-de-lis.

“Green,” Finn breathed.

“What?” Alex asked.

Finn bit the inside of his cheek at Logan’s expression. It was meant to be blank, Finn thought, at-ease and untouchable, but it came off almost enticing. His dark eyelashes swept against his cheeks. Finn watched his throat bob around a swallow, his adored eyes shifting from flash to flash.

“Nothing,” Finn answered his brother.

“How’d you meet this kid anyway, Fish?” his brother asked.

“I was closing up shop about a month ago,” Finn said. “And he stopped at one of our windows. Looked like he’d run the entire island, he was breathing so hard. Not to mention it was pouring like nothing else. Thought he was gonna pass out, so I unlocked the door and let him in to get dry. I don’t know, he was kind of shy at first. Listened to me talk for about an hour before he started giving anything back.” Finn shrugged, watching Logan walk off screen. “I invite him to play basketball with me, Morg, and Percy now. We get lunch after sometimes.”

Natalie sighed. “He looked like one unhappy camper.”

“I think his family puts a lot of pressure on him. He’s the baby. Only son. All that bullshit.”

“I kind of want that cape,” Natalie said.

Alex sighed. “That’s the idea.”

Natalie slapped his chest, then kissed his cheek, and Finn watched Logan walk off-screen.

XOXO

“What say you, Capulet?”

Sirius looked down at Saint at his shoulder. “They’re out of crab puffs.”

“Boo,” Saint said. “You still closing the show?”

“Yep.”

“Shouldn’t you be in hair and makeup?”

“Yep.”

Saint stepped in front of him, the gold band of moonstones nestled in his curls glinting in the dark stage lights. “Looking for someone?”

Sirius just reached out and ran a gentle thumbnail beneath where Saint’s golden eyeliner had smudged against his brown skin, striking it back to a point. “Nope. See you after the show.”

Saint clucked his tongue. “I’m unimpressed.”

“What else is new?” Sirius said.

Saint went to smile, when his eyes flickered behind Sirius and he raised his eyebrows. “That.”

Sirius turned around, and quickly schooled his expression. The cameras were going wild, and in front of all the flashing lights was Remus, hand-in-hand with Leo Knut.

“They make a sunshine pair,” Saint said from beside him. “How’re you feeling?”

Sirius touched two fingers to one of the black-leather moons on his jacket sleeve. They were meant to go with Remus’ stars. He remembered planning for them. He’d thought…part of him had thought if he’d worn them tonight—

“Cloudy sky,” he replied to Saint.

“I was gonna say dappled sunlight in…” Saint glanced around. “A dark forest.”

Remus and Leo were wearing dress shirts, collars rumpled and unbuttoned at their throats, each in a smooth shade of cream. Their hands, decked out in golden rings, were laced together, and they both wore pale gray slacks, slim cut, and laceless nikes.

My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun…hmm, but don’t I spy some burning jealous?

“What are we going for here,” Saint raised an eyebrow. “Left in a hurry and didn’t get the dress code?”

“We’re going against me,” Sirius replied, slipping his hands into his pockets and trying to stand straight. “That’s all.”

“Sunlight in a dark forest, indeed.”

Sirius watched them looking out over the flashes, and tried not to look surprised when golden eyes met his own. Remus’ expression didn’t change either. Instead, he simply blinked, then looked away. Leo, tall and lean, leaned into his ear, and Remus smiled. The cameras popped like champagne.

I love right here, Sirius remembered his own voice, the feeling of the soft skin by Remus’ eye beneath his thumb. I love right here when you smile.

“I need to get backstage,” Sirius said shortly, and turned on his heel.

“I’ll be watching.”

“Don’t I know,” Sirius called as he weaved his way through the crowd, heading backstage. The woman with a radio in her ear looked annoyed and nervous when he slipped past her, and radioed that he had arrived to whoever it was that needed to know.

“Sirius!” Alice called, hands full of makeup brushes and up in the air. “Jesus Christ, do you think I have all fucking night?”

Sirius shrugged out of his red carpet jacket—which someone took—and slid into her chair. “Sorry, Al.”

She twirled a protective cape around his shoulders, snapping it at the base of his neck. “It’s a good thing you’re pretty. But then again, I think everyone’s pretty.”

Sirius closed his eyes, letting her begin. “People are.”

Alice had just finished contour when Sirius all but felt his mother’s presence. A shift in the air. A cooler wind. People standing up straighter and shivering.  

“Sirius,” his mother’s face appeared in the mirror. Her red lipstick was the brightest thing about her, and even that was almost mauve. Her dress was tight around her breasts, but cascaded in thick waves of velvet behind her, and she wore tall leather boots. It almost looked like armor. “You’re very late, darling.”

“Sorry,” Sirius said. “Saint and I got caught up in the crowd, I guess.”

She hummed. “You two looked fetching out there. He’s much more pleasing than that other boy ever was. His family is important, too.”

It was true, that his mother had never liked Remus much. Though, Sirius couldn’t compare him and Saint. They were two different oceans.

“Get dressed,” his mother breathed, and was already snapping her fingers at one of the other models before Sirius could say another word.

“All right?” Alice asked him quietly.

Sirius looked at himself in the mirror. Her contour made his face look almost gaunt, as was the general makeup for all of the models, and he knew he’d be given dark eye makeup next, his hair fluffed into perfect curls.

“Fine,” Sirius said, and closed his eyes to let her work.

Sirius was shrugging into his given outfit—a billowing longcoat, 20th century in fashion, and a longer tunic made almost entirely of the thinnest black silk. It would shimmer when he walked, he knew, and his tall, lace-up boots, the flat sole so thin and delicate that he almost felt barefoot, would disappear beneath the shimmer. His mother was cold, stubborn, and cruel sometimes, an unfeeling, yawning sort of dark, but she was talented.

“Lord Vader,” came a voice from behind him, and Sirius laughed even before he turned to face Thomas Walker.

“Sounds about right,” Sirius said, and they clasped hands, pulling them into a one-armed hug. “You look fantastic, though.”

Thomas spun slowly on his heel, letting the long, loose fitting white linen of his button-down—which went out in two, tuxedo-like tails at his back—flare out above his slim, black trousers. He wore a thin scarf of distressed wool.

“Like a fallen gentleman, no?” Thomas grinned. “I might try and steal these pants. And maybe the shirt for Noelle.”

“Oh, yeah,” Sirius smiled, spying Noelle’s green eyes behind his shoulder. “She’ll love that.”

Noelle wrapped her arms, which were draped in a transparent green cloth, around Thomas’ waist. “Thanks for thinking of me, T baby.”

Thomas laughed in surprise. “Who let you back stage?”

“I’m a Tremblay, they’ll let us in anywhere.”

Thomas turned his head to capture Noelle in a soft kiss.

“See you after, hm?” Noelle said. “I’m gonna go say hi to my friend, she’s walking tonight, too.”

“Yeah, we’ll ride to Honeyduke’s together.”

Noelle raised an eyebrow at him. “You coming, Black?”

“Saint all but owns the place,” Sirius said. “Of course I am.”

Sirius walked. He didn’t look down, or hear the cameras. It wasn’t his favorite thing in the world, to be up here, not able to see past the lights—but something tonight was different. It felt as it had the night of his and Remus’ first kiss.

In that show, he had had one, thin line of black lipstick traced over the center of his bottom lip. It had marked Remus’ throat and cheeks like soot by the end of it all.

Remus had been waiting for him back stage.

“Come here,” Remus had whispered, and laced their fingers together.

“Where?” Sirius had answered, surprised by their palms pressing together.

But it hadn’t been a place. Remus had pressed them back in between clothing racks, and crashed their mouths together.

Here, Remus had whispered, and kissed him again.

Sirius felt the absence of the stage lights like a wash of cold air, and he stretched out his back, letting his stony face drop a little. He glanced around, but there was no one to be found. His cheeks were warm just thinking about it.

“Good,” his mother said as he passed her by to take off the makeup, and that was all.

XOXO

Saint looked across Honeyduke’s and felt like it was his. Logan was laughing with Thomas and Noelle, and he had Kasey Winter beside him, securing tickets to one of their favorite bands to see together.

“Done,” Kasey said, and flashed one of his rare smiles.

“I knew you were my favorite,” Saint took a sip of his drink, and Kasey scoffed.

“Me or my mom?”

“Maybe a little of both. Oh, and we’re going to sushi beforehand.”

Kasey’s smile was larger now. “Wouldn’t have it any other way. You gonna leave with that drummer again? What’s her name?”

Saint smiled. “Oh, Sally. And I make it a habit to always leave with the drummer.”

Kasey just shook his head. “Yeah, yeah. I’m getting a drink and leaving you to your one-liners.”

Saint watched him go, feeling settled, and set about scanning the room for Sirius. He was sure he’d know if he was there—people tended to swarm to Sirius, even if he didn’t ask for it. It was part of the reason they were so close. People flocked to Saint, too. So, they asked for each other’s company. A more intimate, calm part of life. Sirius was quiet. Saint wasn’t, but he let Saint , for a moment, be that way, too. Saint was loud. Sirius wasn’t, but Saint had his ways to fire him up.

“Another drink, sir?”

Saint looked over his shoulder, only to turn all the way around, interest peaked. The bartender had sandy hair, and a strong jaw, his cheeks textured by acne scars in some places. He had brown eyes—save for a sliver of green in one.

“Only if you have one with me,” Saint said, and glanced down at his name-tag. “Luke.”

Luke arched an eyebrow, pressing the heels of his palms onto the bar between them, revealing rolled up sleeves and some type of vine tattoo, wrapping all around both of his forearms.

“I’m working, sir.”

“Is that a later?” he nodded at the tattoo. “Nice.”

“I don’t think so,” Luke said.

“Oh, no?”

Luke scowled—how did he look so handsome doing that?

“Do you make it a habit to go home with all the waiters, too?”

Saint didn’t let his expression flicker, just smiled nice and slow.

“Hillrock,” Saint said. “Neat.”

The barkeep turned away.

Ouch. Looks like not everyone worships at your alter, Saint.

XOXO

The elevator doors opened, revealing the party to Sirius one outfit after the next. He had changed for the afterparty—the first of three. He wore a tight, thin black t-shirt and dark jeans. He hadn’t bothered to wash off the dark, smudged eyeliner from the show. His combat boots went up to just below his knee, and had the same nearly naked feeling sole. It made him feel soundless, like a shadow.

Maybe that’s why it was easy to find Remus and stand beside him without him stirring.

“You’re a little underdressed,” Sirius said without looking at him.

“Says the boy wearing a t-shirt,” Remus replied evenly.

Sirius scowled. “I meant at the show.”

“People like to be surprised,” Remus replied evenly.

“Who’s Leo?”

“My boyfriend.”

Sirius turned towards him. “You didn’t tell me you were coming home.”

Remus matched him. They were nearly chest to chest. “You didn’t say a word to me in class.”

“You didn’t—“

“I had the last word,” Remus snapped. “I figured maybe you’d finally have something to say back.”

Sirius stared at him, heart pounding in his ears. For a moment, he let himself look. At the golden eyes, hair more blond than ever from the summer’s sun. Sirius couldn’t stand that mouth set in a frown.

“Guess not,” Remus said softly, lips dropping open in the way they used to before they kissed.

Sirius all but felt him vanish into the writhing crowd.

XOXO

Finn looked up when a flash of color on the morning-silent street outside caught his eye. He set the books he was holding down, took the pen out from between his teeth.

Green.

“What the hell?” Finn laughed as he pulled open the door to his bookshop to find Logan standing there. “It’s five in the fucking morning, what are you doing here? Couldn’t sleep?”

“Never did,” Logan said, and that’s when Finn saw that Logan was still in his suit from the livestream.

“Ah, I see,” Finn said, eyes flicking up and down his broad form. He swallowed dryly. “The nature of afterparties, I suppose. Well, you—you look good. For someone who’s been up all night, I mean.”

Logan just smiled, one of his small, secretive ones. Finn watched as he stepped forward so they were almost toe to toe in the doorway.

“Wh…” Finn’s voice dropped off with a breathless laugh. He couldn’t help but look at Logan’s mouth. His full lips that could speak a language Finn couldn’t even begin to describe.

Logan just reached up to the base of his own throat and unclipped the fleur-de-lis clasp there. In one smooth swoop, he drew his short cloak from his shoulders and around Finn’s, right over his worn gray t-shirt, clicking it in place. The fabric brought a gentle scent, and he figured it must be Logan’s cologne.

“Something green,” Logan said softly. A warm, early morning breeze ruffled his hair, pushing the curls forward. Finn couldn’t move. “What are you doing here?”

“Inventory,” Finn whispered, then cleared his throat. “Inventory.”

“Okay,” Logan said. “I’ll help.”

[enthusiasticharry]

Baby Steps

summary: you’re harry’s sons therapist, and he isn't the only one you end up helping.

word count: hi! it has been a long while since I’ve posted on here so I hope you enjoy this 8.6k piece of pure fluff and smut!

masterlist  |    asks

As a child, Harry had never been given many opportunities to freely express himself. He grew up in a rural area where the sheep overruled the people and the only extra-circular activity available was playing football at the park with his friends that weren’t truly his friends. He was only a mere teenager when he decided that whenever he had kids, he would give them as many opportunities as possible. 

He tried in school, don’t discourage him about that, but it didn’t work out as planned. That’s how he ended up working within the company he did. He started from the bottom, working 9 to 5 within a cubicle everyday until he had worked up to become chief editor. He had his own office, with his name written on a plaque upon the door and his photos sat upon the desk. It made day to day that little bit more enjoyable.

“Finishing early today, Mr. Styles?” Genevieve asked, watching as he closes his door behind him. 

“Yes, I am.” He smiles politely, “It’s been in the calendar for weeks.” 

“I’ve noticed.” He knew she hadn’t. Genevieve was okay at her job, he supposed. She was an apprentice the company had hired straight out of university and of course he didn’t mind that she was still finding her feet, “Enjoy your evening, Mr. Styles.” 

“You too, Genevieve.” He nods his head at the girl and walks towards the exit. 

At the ripe age of twenty-eight, Harry knew that he still had his entire life ahead of him but at the same time he was pretty content. He had his job, his small town house and more importantly his son, Theo. He hadn’t expected his girlfriend of a couple of months to get pregnant but in his mind he knew what had happened and that it was something that the two of them had to take responsibility for, but she didn’t think the same thing. Harry had loved her, and he had hoped that she had loved him and their son as much as he did but it just wasn’t meant to be. He had suspected that she was going to leave, he just hadn’t expected it to be in the middle of the night whilst their son was a month old and still nursing. 

It was the following morning that Harry knew that he was going try his damned hardest to be the best Father possible for his son, try to give him the world and everything good that came along with it. 

“Harry!” Mrs. Walters, the woman who lives next door exclaims as she throws the door open, “Please come in.” 

“Hi Mrs. Walters.” He smiles, following the elderly woman into the living room, “Has he been good today?” 

“We had a little disagreement at nap time but apart from that he’s been perfect!” 

“I’m glad to hear it. He’s never been the biggest fan of naps.” 

Just seeing Theo’s little face light up as he walked into the room was enough reason to keep his heart beating for centuries. Theo was the absolute double of Harry, and he could even see it himself. Even at three years old he had his father’s green eyes and curly brown hair and it was another thing that caused his love for his little man to grown everyday.

“Dada!” He toddled over to his father, only just starting to feel confident upon his feet, and wrapped his arms around Harry’s legs, his chunky cheeks pressed against his shin. 

“Hi bubba.” He picks his son up and rests him upon his hip, “Did you have a nice day with Mrs. West?” 

Theo nods and drops his head down upon Harry’s shoulder with a light sigh of content.

“He’s been amazing, Harry, don’t worry.” The older woman drops her head to Harry’s free shoulder, “I’ll see you two tomorrow.” 

“See you tomorrow, Mrs. West.” 

Theo’s little hand rests comfortably within Harry’s as they walk through the door of community centre, his little feet tapping upon the wood in his trainers. 

“Harry! Theo!” You exclaim, walking over to the two of them with a large smile across your face, “I’m so glad you could make it this week!” 

“Yeah. Sorry about last week, I couldn’t get out of work on time and then once I did he wasn’t in the best of moods.” 

“Don’t worry about it! It’s totally fine, we understand that you can’t make every week.” 

Harry nods his head. 

“Anyway.” You have a nice smile and it was probably the first thing that Harry noticed about you when you met, “We’re just about to get started.” 

Harry sits down, crossing his legs as he does so. Theo drops down upon his father’s lap straight afterwards, his face pressed into the material of Harry’s crisp white dress shirt. Harry’s eyes bounce to look over the other children, the ones who acted similarly too Theo when they first joined. They all either sat in their parents laps comfortably or on the floor now, not one with a flicker of anxiousness across their features.

Theo and Harry have attended three of these sessions to help with confidence, and Theo had only just started to leave his shell in the last twenty minutes of the last session they went to and now it felt as though Harry had messed everything up again. He felt as though they were back to square one.

Then he feels a hand upon his shoulder. 

“Its okay.” You smile, squeezing gently, “He’ll be okay, don’t worry.” 

He will be, Harry knows that. 

Another week had passed and Harry was yet again sat in a circle in the children’s room of the community centre with Theo sat upon his lap. Harry felt a little more at ease this week, since his little boy sat forward with a small, very small smile on his lips as he looked at… you? You hadn’t been there to greet them like you were last week, and he certainly hadn’t had the chance to say hello yet. It had been a warm-ish day today and Harry concluded that was probably why you were wearing a cute yellow sundress with small white flowers on it, something he had never seen you in before. You still wore your smile, Harry had noticed. 

“Today.” You always overplayed your facial features to interest the children, “We are all going to write a story together.” 

Theo’s little eyes widened in excitement. 

“You like that idea, bub?” Harry whispered. Theo nodded. 

“So I’ll start.” You touch your chest, “Then we’ll pass to Edith’s mummy and then Edith and we’ll continue that way around the circle!” 

Harry and Theo would be third, which wasn’t too bad. He just hoped that Theo would get involved, he loved stories enough to have a mind spiralling with ideas. 

“Once upon a time, in a land far, far away there lived a princess…” You start, smiling to the person next within the circle. 

“…in a big castle with a swimming pool!” 

“She has dog!” 

“…called muffin who she loves to play with in the…” 

“Park!” 

“Then.” Harry started, leaning so that he was speaking to Theo as well as the rest of the group, “One day, something magical appeared in front of her…”

“Dinosaur!” 

Harry beams and whispers, “Well done Theo!”

The story finishes with the princess riding the dinosaur along a rainbow, courtesy of the little girl called Tara who finishes the circle. Normally the children disperse the last twenty minutes or so to play amongst themselves whilst the adults talk about what type of week they’ve had. They were doing just that, but today, Harry’s heart stopped at the sight of his little boy sat with little Tara drawing at the tiny desk when usually he just does that on his own. 

Harry had honestly never thought that he would be going to group behavioural therapy for his three year old son, but, he promised he would do anything for his little boy.

“Hi everyone.” They were now sat around a table, one fit for adults, whilst a few of your colleagues watched the children, “I’m excited to hear how all your weeks have been!”

Tara’s mum starts, explaining that this week the nursery had phoned up to explain that she hadn’t spoken to anyone at lunchtime but there had been the odd time where she’d had a small conversation with a couple of classmates. 

Harry listens to a few others. How Ryan had bit a kid at school the other day, how Delilah refused to say anything for a couple of days that week. Harry had never experienced Theo biting or injuring other kids but he had experienced him shutting down and not speaking to anyone. 

“Harry.” You smile, “How has little Theo been this week?” 

“He’s, uh, been okay I suppose.” He runs his finger across his bottom lip, “Nothing out of the ordinary. Had an odd hour or so yesterday.” 

“Has he made any friends at nursery, yet?” 

“No. I don’t think so. I’m trying to get him in everyday but it’s proving to be difficult.” 

You smile, “He’ll get there Harry. It might take him a bit longer than normal but he will get there.” 

After listening to the other parents, the meeting for that week finishes. Harry waits for Theo to finish his drawing before helping him into his coat. Your words pondered through his mind — he certainly hoped that Theo would get better but it was a walk, not a sprint. 

“Hi Theo.” You beam as you walk towards the two, “Can I see your drawing?” 

After a few moments of contemplation, he passes the drawing to you.

“Wow! It’s beautiful! Can you draw me one whilst I talk to your Daddy?” 

Theo listens to your request and starts on the drawing straight away, picking up colour after colour whilst Harry looks at you with furrowed eyebrows. 

“I just wanted to have a quick word, nothing bad, I promise.” 

Harry nods. 

“Theo is making excellent progress in the program and I’m sure you’ve seen the results for yourself but as you know he is going a little slower than the rest of the kids.” 

“If this is because we missed one then it’s completely my fault—”

“It’s not! Don’t think that, it’s not!” You’re quick to say, “I was thinking the other day of ways to help and I remembered that my friend runs a group at the weekend for children that are struggling to cope with the loss of a parent.” 

“But I thought he was too young to be affected by that?” 

“I thought so too but I did some more research and even though he was very, very young when his mother left, it could still be affecting him.” You swallow and tuck a piece of your hair behind your ear, “He will have noticed that he doesn’t have two parents and that could be the stem of all of the problems.” 

Of course this had run through Harry’s mind a few time but he always brushed it off because he was so young when it happened. The fact that woman might be the reason his son was so quiet and not himself all of the time caused his stomach to flip. He hadn’t seen her since that night but she was still affecting him day upon day and he hated it. 

“When is this group?” 

“Oh!” You exclaim, happy that he hadn’t just shut the idea down, “It’s on Saturday at ten whilst twelve but you can come and go as you please.” 

“Will you be there?” Why had he just asked that? He probably sounded like such a weirdo. 

“I will.” You smiled, “Just for you.” 

Harry certainly hadn’t expected to spend his Saturday morning sat at upon a bench outside the community centre watching Theo play with other kids. He was surprised how easily Theo had left his shell around all of these kids but he supposed they all had something in common, that they were raised by only one parent. 

Another thing he hadn’t expected was to be sat sharing the said bench with you, but he wasn’t complaining. 

“Black coffee.” You smile, holding out the cup for him to take. 

“Thank you.” 

“It’s no problem.” You take a sip of your own cup of tea, “He seems to be doing well.” 

“I’m really surprised. The last time I saw him gel to someone so quickly was when he met our neighbour, Mrs. West.” 

You smile, “It’s good. You’ll be able to figure out which group works the best for you both.” 

“Will you be here every week?” 

Is he flirting? You certainly weren’t complaining, anyone with eyes could see that Harry is a very handsome man but never in a million years did you think that he would be flirting with you. Maybe he wasn’t even flirting and you were just letting your imagination run a little too wild. 

“I—”

“I’m sorry.” He’s quick to say, “What I meant is that he’s comfortable around you, and I would hate for him to loose that sort of comfort.”

“I completely understand.” You nod. So he wasn’t flirting with you. There was a part of you that was sort of disappointed and wished that he had been flirting with you, “Well he seems to be enjoying himself here so how about we slowly introduce him to just coming here. I’ll come for the first couple of weeks so that he’s comfortable.” 

“Thank you. I haven’t said that enough but I honestly can’t thank you enough for what you’re doing for my son.” 

“It’s my job, Harry. I do this for a reason.” 

“But you didn’t have to do this. Spend your Saturday morning sat on a bench with me to make sure that Theo is okay. You didn’t have to do this.” 

“But I am. I’m doing it because I care about that little boy and I want him to get better. And you’re certainly not bad company.”

Harry smiles and looks away. It probably makes it more obvious that his cheeks are flushing at her words. You have always made Harry nervous, even from the first meeting when he asked whether you could help his son. Was it wrong? Probably. Did he care? No, as far as he knew this crush was harmless and it wasn’t as though it was reciprocated he supposed. 

“I know I’m not as exciting at Theo but I do try.” 

“I can tell.” You smile, “Was he okay at nursery yesterday?” 

“The same I think. Nursery didn’t say anything when I picked him up and they usually do if something happened. Good or bad.” 

“That’s good. Some will just ignore the problem. I’ve helped a few parents who have struggled with that.” 

“I’m lucky.” He nodded, “We’re lucky.” 

“How are you?” 

“I’m fine. Theo’s getting better, that’s the most important thing.” 

You sigh, “Not Theo. How are you?” 

“I’m getting there. I’m taking each day as it comes, I suppose.” 

“Do you have people that you talk to?” You ask before immediately trying to retract your question, “I understand if you don’t want to tell me. I can be nosey sometimes.” 

“No. It’s fine.” He coughs to clear his voice, his eyes watching as Theo sits in the sand pit with a bucket and spade, “I talk to my mum and sister if there’s anything really wrong.” 

“Nobody else?” You’re daring, and your eyebrow raises in nervousness. 

“I’m single if that’s what you’re asking.” He chuckles. 

Your eyes bug, “Well I—”

“Its okay, YN.” He laughs now, his dimples deepening, “Are you single?” 

“I am.” You smile, “I’m glad you have someone to talk to that isn’t your three year old son. It’s important.” 

“I know. I kept a lot of it to myself at the start and just tried to be the best that I could be for Theo but it hit a point where I needed help, and I knew I did.” 

“It’s commendable that you did that. Too many single parents try to do it on their own and it just doesn’t work. It not only causes them to fizzle out but it causes strain on the kids.” 

“Have you got children?”

“No.” Your lips curl, “I just enjoy working with them — to a degree obviously.” 

A chuckle passes. It’s at this point that Harry realises that this is the first conversation you have had with him that passes the point of being somewhat professional. You’re dipping your toes in the idea of the conversation being about getting to know each other rather than being about Theo or any information about the group. 

“I can’t imagine.” 

“You never know what the days going to hold when you walk through the door. They say to never work with children and animals.” You laugh, “Where you do you work?” 

“I work at a publishing company. I’m the chief editor. It’s not the best but it pays the bills.” 

“It sounds very interesting.” 

“It isn’t. The amount of articles about interior design I read on a weekly basis is sort of absurd.” 

“Interior design?” 

“I work for an interior design magazine. I probably should’ve explained that first.” 

You giggle, “I bet your house is immaculately decorated.” 

“To a degree.” He chuckles, “Living with a three year old sort of means you’re house always looks like a bomb has hit it.” 

“I can imagine.” 

“I wouldn’t change it for anything. Yeah it is a mess but it isn’t too bad and he’s leaning that he won’t get treats if he doesn’t clean up after himself.”

“Nice. I’m sure that works a treat.” 

“It does.” He laughs, “Literally.”

“He’s a good kid, Harry. You can tell. He’ll be perfectly fine.”

You keep saying that. 

Harry received a message the following Wednesday around lunch time that he hadn’t expected. He was just about to tuck into the salad he had pre-made this morning fort lunch when his phone lit up on the desk. A small message box covers up his wallpaper which was a photo of Theo in the bath, bubbles on his head in a cone shape and upon his chin like a beard. 

Hi Harry, Its YN. I promise I’m not weird I just got your number of the system to send this. I’m just letting you know that tonight’s group is cancelled, I’m bunged up with a cold and would hate to pass it onto any of the kiddies :) Hope you are well.

Hi YN. I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you feel better soon. See you next week. H. 

Harry couldn’t hide that he was a little disappointed. He was starting to enjoy going to the centre every week. He could say that it was because his son was slowly coming out of his shell, and that was part of it, but ever since your conversation he had that one weekend he enjoyed the few words you spoke to each other. 

If he was more confident in the way you felt about him, he probably would’ve messaged to ask if you needed anything bringing but he thought that it would’ve been a little bit odd. Hopefully in the future it wouldn’t be as odd. 

\\

“You can’t eat your chips yet, buddy, they’re too hot.” Harry explains, picking a couple of the chips from Theo’s plate and blowing on them. The young boy sat and watched his father, waiting for his chips before chewing them happily. 

“Oh! Harry!” 

You’re stood with a drink in your hand, jeans and a floral blouse hanging loosely upon your figure. You looked cute and cuddly, something that Harry had missed seeing over the past week or so. 

“Hi YN.” He smiles, wiping his mouth with his napkin momentarily, “How are you feeling?” 

“Much better, thank you very much.” You smile. 

“Would you like to sit?” He asks, motioning to the spare seat, “You don’t have to if you’re busy or anything.” 

“No. I would love to. Are you okay with that Theo?” 

For the first time since you’ve arrived the little boy looks up at his  eyes immediately light up at the sight of you stood there. 

“Miss YN!” 

“I’m guessing he’s okay with it.” Harry smiles, watching as you pull out the seat and seat and sit down. “You weren’t in a rush, were you?” 

“No.” You smile, sipping on the hot cocoa you had just bought, “I had just finished for the day actually. Did a bit of shopping and then decided to walk over here.” 

“Sounds lovely. Anything exciting?” 

“If fruit and veg is exciting, then exciting.” 

“Hey, take it from me, trying to make fruit and veg exciting for your kids is the most exciting thing about fruit and veg.” 

“Not a fan?” You ask, looking at the young boy who had started to munch on his chicken nuggets. 

“Not really. Can you not tell?” 

You laugh, looking at Theo’s plate which just had chips and chicken nuggets on with a blob of ketchup on the side. 

“He seems to be enjoying those?” 

“Oh god yeah.” Harry laughs, “He can eat for England. Takes after me in that sense.” 

“That’s good. Some parents sometimes come in saying that their children don’t eat and it’s worrying them.” 

“He went through a phase when he turned around two and a half of not eating but he rectified that very quickly himself.”

“That’s good? Have you had work today?” 

It was only then that you had noticed his attire. Jean flares and a shirt that said something about eating honey. On anyone else you it would’ve set warning alarms within your head but he made it look suave and quite attractive. 

“No. I have weekends off so I can spend them with Theo. I sometimes do a bit of work from home but not a lot, do you?” 

“Sometimes. If there’s an emergency I’ll sometimes have to go in.” 

“Is it hard? Do you find working with vulnerable children hard?” 

“Challenging, I’d say. Maybe not hard. Some of the things that have happened to the children to cause them to behave the way they do are hard to listen to. Trying to get them to talk or just explain how they feel is even harder.” 

“You do God’s work, YN.” 

“I wouldn’t say that. I hate the though of children suffering, and I’d like to think I do my best to help with that.” 

“You do. From experience you do.” 

“You’re forever feeding my ego. I kind of like it, keep it coming.” 

“Eh.” He curves his lips and moves his head from side to side, “You’re not that bad to look at either.” 

“Cheeky! But you’re not too bad yourself, Styles.” 

“Daddy!” Theo interrupts, “Toilet, please.”

“Okay bud.” Harry stands up and so do you, “You don’t have to go, I’ll be back in a minute.”

“No it’s okay, I probably should leave.” You smile, “I told Norman that I’d only been ten minutes and that was half an hour ago.”

“Norman?” 

“My dog! God, I probably should’ve specified that. Norman’s my dog.”

“Ah.” Harry laughs, “That makes more sense. I’ll see you later YN.”

“Bye Harry.” 

When you got home that night, you see the majority of the time sat staring at your phone whilst Norman stares at you as though you’ve gone crazy.

“I should just text him.” You sound crazy talking to your job but it is oddly comforting, “What’s the worst that could happen?” 

Hi Harry! It was lovely seeing you and Theo today. I hope you had a lovely rest of your day :)

You immediately regretted sending the message. Would he think you were weird? Had you just ruined any chance you had of it going any further? Your stomach twisted and your phone lit up. 

We did thank you, YN. I hope Norman wasn’t too mad that we kept you out longer than expected. H.

You giggled. He remembered. 

He got over it pretty quickly. Gave him a treat and everything was back to normal.

That’s good. It’s a good thing dogs are forgiving creatures.

Rather I bribed him to forgive me. He can be stubborn when he wants to be.

I think you might be describing my son. He certainly didn’t get his stubborn side from me.

Good. I would hate to have to bribe you to speak to me.

Well that depends what you would have bribed me with. But hopefully you’ll never be in the bad books.

You seem to have very high expectations of me, Styles. I might just surprise you.

I’m going to hold you to that. The next time I see you I expect to be surprised.

Are you free any time soon?

Not until next weekend really. I finish work at five-ish everyday.

Is there any chance that you’d maybe want to do something after work? I can hopefully surprise you?

I’d like that very much. Tuesday okay?

Perfect! See you then, Harry.

Sweet dreams, YN.

Tuesday couldn’t come quick enough in your eyes. You were pleasantly surprised that you’d even managed to bag yourself a date with the man, usually you’d shy away from the male species as much as possible. That didn’t mean that you didn’t spend the entire time messaging Harry the other day with warm cheeks and a fuzzy tummy. The fact that he could’ve thrown everything back into your face being the thing that scared you the most. 

You had messaged Harry last night that you were going to a restaurant, not a fancy one but one that required a smart/casual dress code. You spent probably a little too long getting ready, curling your hair and applying the make up you wore too perfection, dressing in some high-waisted trousers with a long-sleeved tucked in to reserve the warmth that the British summertime had selfishly taken away. 

You had hundred’s of thoughts bouncing around in your brain. It wasn’t everyday that you bagged a date with the man of your dreams and even if it didn’t work out — at least you could say that it had happened. If it didn’t work out it was probably a good thing that Theo had started to make the move from your group to your friend’s to avoid uncomfortable confrontation. 

The reservation at the restaurant was for eight, so you had arranged to meet there for around politely declined. The drive was quick but the wait for Harry seemed to take hours. 

When he did arrive, your breath caught within your throat. He was wearing simple dress pants with a silk floral shirt tucked in, the first couple of buttons undone. It revealed tattoos that you were shocked to see that he had upon his chest and stomach. It intrigued you to know whether he had more tattoos. A part of really wanted to see them. 

“Hi.” He smiles and wraps his arms around you in a welcoming hug. He smelt really good. 

“Hi.” 

“You look lovely.” 

“You don’t look so bad yourself, Styles.” 

“Shall we go in?” You nodded. 

The table reserved for the two of you was small but lovely, located in the corner of the restaurant by the floor to ceiling windows. You had been to this Italian plenty of times in the past and it had become one of your favourites. As you sat down, you had ordered a bottle of wine to share between the two of you. 

“Is that your first surprise?” He asked as the two you tapped your glasses together in cheers, “Drinking on a work night?”

“It’s a special occasion.” You shrug, “You’ll have to figure out yourself whether it’s part of the surprise or not.” 

He raised his eyebrow at you before he broke into a smile. 

“I’m looking forward to it.” 

The waiter comes a few ticks after that, asking what we would like. I order a bowl of pasta whilst Harry orders a pizza of some sort. 

“How was Theo when you left him today?” You started to tuck into the bread and dips that the waiter had brought as an appetiser. 

“Absolutely fine. I’ve never seen someone so exciting to spend time with their grandmother.” 

“Weekend’s with my Grandma were the shit!” You exclaim with a smile, “We used to bake and she’d cook me all of my favourite dinners.” 

“You were spoilt rotten, to say the least?” 

“Of course I was! That’s how little Theo is feeling.” 

“Are you close to your family?” 

“Yeah I am. More so my Mum and Grandma. I don’t really have the best relationship with my Dad.” 

He nods, “My mum and Dad divorced when I was young so I was brought up my Mum. She remarried when I was nineteen.” 

You hummed, “Are you close with your stepfather?”

“I was.” Harry coughed to clear his throat, “He died in 2017.” 

You immediately felt bad. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.” 

He stops the sip of his drink quick, “You haven’t, I promised. How are we supposed to get to know each other if you don’t ask questions?” 

“We sort dived right into the deep shit straight away.” You laughed, “Quick fire questions: favourite band?” 

“I honestly couldn’t pick one.” 

“Well.” You sighed, “I tried but that answer was boring. Pick one!”

“I don’t know.” He shrugs, his smile growing, “I love Fleetwood Mac, The Zombies, The Kinks—”

“Basically anything from the past?” 

“Pretty much.” He laughed, “I grew up listening to Shania Twain and Joni Mitchell with my mum.” 

“I would’ve loved to have that childhood.” You laughed, “My mum was all for Bon Jovi, Meatloaf and Prince. Always said ‘I could’ve been a rock chick’.” 

He laughs and sips his drink. 

The conversation for the rest of the evening flowed better than you could have expected. You honestly don’t think you’ve ever been on such a lovely date before in your life, if you could even call it that. 

You learnt about his childhood living in Holmes Chapel whilst he learnt about yours. You hadn’t expected to enjoy his company so much and even as the night came to a close you found yourself not wanting to leave. 

“I must admit.” He starts as her walks you towards your car, “I was quite disappointed when you said I couldn’t pick you up.” 

“Why was that?” 

“Because I’m not able to drive you home, walk you to your door and hopefully give you a little something to remember me for the night.” 

“Really? Who said that I would have let you?” 

“You wouldn’t have?” 

“I don’t know.” You tease, “Why don’t you come over and try?” 

The smile on his face as he leaned in is something that will haunt your dreams at night for the better. Your eyes flutter closed and sigh in content as his lips touch yours. It was a little embarrassing, but there had been a few moments late at night where you have wondered what this would feel like. Those were enjoyable dreams but the real this was so much better. 

No tongue was involved but you already knew that this was something you could become addicted to. The feeling of his large palm against your cheek as his kissed any worry you had away from the night. Your whole body tingled and if you weren’t in a public car park, you wouldn’t know whether you’d be able to contain yourself. 

You both pull away breathlessly. 

“I think you would’ve let me.” 

“I certainly fucking would.”

If Harry had any other option — he would’ve taken it in a heartbeat. 

When Harry had woke up this morning, he had expected it to be like his normal Monday morning. Waking up early and making breakfast whilst Theo sleep in. Then he’d wake Theo up to have breakfast and then Harry would dress him for the day. 

That hadn’t happened this morning. 

When Harry had walked into Theo’s room that morning he found his son, already awake with tears streaming down his face. He tried to comfort his son, and tried to get him to talk but he just didn’t stop crying. 

That’s how he ended up stood in the corner of his son’s room with his phone pressed tightly to his ear. 

“Harry? Hello?” 

“Hi.” 

“Is everything okay?” 

“Yeah, well uh, not really.” He scratches the back of his neck, “There’s something wrong with Theo.” 

“Is he okay?” 

“No. I came into his room this morning and he’s non-stop crying and he won’t talk to me.” 

“I’m on my way.” 

You drove as fast as you could. The sound of Harry’s voice, mixed with his words and the faint sniffles in the background was enough to send your heart spiralling. You used the message that Harry had sent with address to navigate your way towards his house. 

Doors unlocked. 

You raced your way up the stairs, taking two at a time and saw Harry waiting at the top of the stairs. 

“Thank you.” 

“It’s no problem.” You squeezed his arm in reassurance, “Is he in there?” 

“Yeah.” 

Then you saw him. The small boy with the brown curly hair and the green eyes that matched his Father’s peering up at you, small sobs leaving his lips. 

“Hi bud.” You smile, “Is it okay if I sit down?” 

The small boy nods and you do so, a small sigh escaping your smiling lips. 

“Your Daddy phoned and said you were feeling a little upset this morning and asked if I could come and talk to you. Is that okay?” 

He nods again, sniffling slightly. 

“Is there anything you want to tell me?” 

He shakes his head. 

“Can you tell me why you’re crying?” 

“Dream.” His chest heaves up and down. 

“Did you have a bad dream?” A nod. Okay, you could work with that. 

You hadn’t realised that Harry was stood at the door, leant against the frame with his eyebrows furrowed and his thumb running across his lip. He honestly wouldn’t know what he was going to do if you hadn’t been so lovely and come to check on Theo at such short notice. 

“Was your dream about Daddy?” Another nod. 

It honestly broke Harry’s heart. He had never ever though that something like this was the reason his son had gotten himself into such a state. 

“Have you been having a lot of these dreams?” Nodding. So much nodding, “Are they scaring you?” 

“Daddy hurt.” His voice was so quiet and unsteady.

“Daddy gets hurt?” Your palms start sweating, “Is that why you’re so upset? And you go quiet sometimes? You think Daddy’s going to get hurt?” 

“I’m right here Theo.” Harry walks over and drops down to be face to face with his son, “I’m not hurt, and I’m not going to hurt.” 

“You don’t move.” He cries become louder and louder the more they spoke. 

Harry leans over and pulls his son off the bed, dropping him onto his lap and wrapping his arms tightly around him. You watch as Harry smooths his hand across his son’s back, hoping that it will calm him down and stop the crying. Harry’s catch yours and your heart physically breaks for him. You’d never seen anything like this in your four year career. 

“Listen to this, bud.” Harry wipes his tear stained face briefly, “How about we take today off nursery and work and we’ll spend the day together.” 

Theo nods and you smile, gently standing up and removing yourself from the situation. For the first time you can look at Harry’s house. It was exactly how you had pictured it to be — immaculately designed with a splash of Theo in ever corner. You drop down upon the sofa with a sigh and use your hand to try to rub the fatigue away from your face. You hadn’t had a morning like this in a long time. 

Twenty minutes or so later, Harry joins you on the sofa with a deep sigh. 

“How is he?” 

“He’s asleep right now. I laid with him and he drifted off.” 

“That’s good.” 

He reaches over to grab your hand that was comfortably rested upon your thigh, threading his fingers nicely between your own. 

“I’m sorry for calling so early. I know you were probably busy and this didn’t help.” 

“It’s okay.” You give his hand another squeeze, “I told you that I’d help in any way that I could.” 

“I know.” He nods, his voice starting to break, “It’s just so fucking hard YN.” 

“Hey, don’t cry.” You move so that you can wrap your arms around his shoulders, pulling him into a comforting hug, “I know it is but we can sort this out, I promise.” 

“Just knowing that this was because he has been worried about me. What kind of parent does that?” 

“I want you to listen to me now, Harry.” You place your hands upon his cheeks, pulling his head up from your shoulder so that he’s looking directly at you, “You have done nothing wrong. This was completely out of your control.” 

He nods and you wipe the tear that had fallen down his cheek away. 

“I’m going to help you now and we’re going to get Theo better.” 

He leans forward and to your surprise places a deep kiss to your lips. 

“Thank you.” 

Harry had invited you over as a thank you a couple of days later. You had told him multiple times that he didn’t have to thank you for anything and that you’d do anything for him and Theo but he insisted. Theo was still next door with Mrs. West after being picked up from nursery and she made it complete aware that she didn’t mind watching him for a few extra hours so that he could do this for his friend. 

If Harry was honest, he doesn’t have many friends. Mrs. West has spoken to him about it on many occasions and he supposed that the old woman was just excited that he might actually have a friend that wasn’t herself or his son. 

You had arrived at Harry’s house to see the dining room set out with plates and cutlery and wine glasses with delicious smell coming from the kitchen. He greeted you with a soft kiss upon the lips and a small hug. 

“Has Theo been okay?” You ask, leaning against the counter as you watch Harry fry the vegetables for the stir fry.

“He’s been better. He’s been talking a little more according to to the teachers.” He starts to plate up the noodles, “For the first couple of nights he stayed in bed with me, as you suggested but last night he stayed in his own.” 

“Did it go okay?” The two of you walk with full plates to the dining room.

“There were a few tears but he slept through the night.” 

You honestly couldn’t have been happier for the two of them. You have worked with the two of them for a couple of months and now finding out that things were actually starting to work left you feeling happier than you had ever expected to be. 

“That’s really good. I’m happy for you.” 

Before you knew it the time had escaped from the two of you. Somehow, you had made your way to the sofa and now sat with large glasses of red wine in your hands. 

“Are you sure you don’t need to get Theo?” 

It was nearing seven, and you started to worry. 

“If I go now he’ll probably kill me.” He laughs, “Mrs. West brings out the sweet treats around this time.” 

You giggle and lean forward to capture your lips upon his. His hand reaches up to cup your cheek, the other resting lightly upon her thigh. In one confident movement, you shift your body so that your knees are either side of his hips. A part of you still couldn’t believe that this was happening, not only with anyone but with Harry. 

This had all happened quicker than you had expected but you weren’t complaining. 

“YN.” He pulls away breathlessly, “Hey, are you sure?” 

“God yes.” 

“Okay then.’ 

He skilfully picks you up, wrapping your legs around his waist as he carries you towards his bedroom. You land upon the bed with a small thud that causes you both to giggle. He presses his lips to yours one last time in a breath-taking, heart-stopping kiss. 

“Move up.” You shuffle your bum up the bed so that your head is rested upon the lush pillows. Harry’s fingers toy with the zipper of your jeans, his eyes looking for any sign of uncomforted on your face, “This okay?” 

You nod quickly, “It is.” 

He sighs shakily, his fingers slipping into the band of your jeans, pulling them down your legs. You lift your hips up to aid him in the movement. At this point you were glad that a day ago you hd decided to have a pamper session and shave your entire body. 

His lips place small kisses along the inside of your thighs, your body withering under his touch. It had been a long time since someone had touched you in this way, and your senses felt as though they were on override. 

“Harry.” The small moan escapes your lips as he licks a stripe along your clothed centre. 

“God.” He hooks his fingers into the material and pulls them down your legs, “You’re so fucking wet.” 

You hum as his lips wrap around your clit, your chest heaving up and down as he uses his tongue to flick the sensitive nub over and over again. This had all happened so quickly and you felt so overwhelmed that you had no idea if you were going to last very long at all. 

“Fuck.” You moan, “Harry.” 

“That’s it.” He murmurs against your centre, giving your clit a few kitten licks afterwards, “Say my name again.” 

“Harry.” 

He suckles on your clit so quickly that you’re left breathless, your fingers threading through his curly brown hair. You tug on it causing a groan to escape his lips against you, sending your orgasm rushing in. 

“M’coming.” Your chest heaves, “Fuck, baby.” 

Harry pulls away after coaxing you through your high, his lips and chin glistening with your juices. He licks what he can before lifting up so that you can kiss him. He drops down, his head falling into your neck and for the first time you can feel him against your exposed thigh. 

“Do you want me to help?’ 

“No.” He smiles, pushing your hair away from your face, “Tonight was a thanks to you. Hopefully there will plenty more opportunities for you to repay me in the future.” 

“I’m excited for that.” 

“Daddy?” The little voice wakes the two of you up from your slumber, “Miss. YN?” 

“Hiya buddy.” Harry’s quick to pick the little boy up and drop him in the middle of the two of you, “Did you have a good sleep?” 

Theo hums and cuddles into his Dad’s chest, “Morning Miss. YN.” 

“Morning Theo.” You smile, “I’ve told you before, you can call me just YN.” 

You and Harry had started to see each other frequently since the last date and very recently, in the past few days or so you’ve both made the jump of having sleepovers. With Theo it made it difficult for Harry to stay over at yours so you stayed over at Harry’s — not that you minded one bit. 

“Okay, YN.” He smiles, leaning forward to place a kiss to Harry’s dimpled cheek. 

“What do you fancy doing today bud? If you ask nicely YN might be able to stay with us today.” 

“Really?” His eyes widen in excitement. 

“Of course.” You smile and ruffle his hair, “But it’s your day, what do you want to do?” 

“Can we go to the cinema?” You both nod, seeing as though that’s a very doable request from the little man. 

“What do you want to go see?” 

“Frozen 2 please, daddy.” 

“Of course.” Harry kisses his cheek and your heart swells at the sight. 

Theo sat the entire time in the cinema contently chewing on his popcorn as his eyes never left the screen. Harry’s hand was firmly grasped within yours and you both repeatedly picked it up to kiss the back of each other’s. It was the simple gestures that drew you to Harry in the first place, from that very first day at the centre. 

“Did you enjoy it?” You both have one of Theo’s hands in yours, swinging him up as you walk along the pavement. 

“Yes Daddy.” He beams. 

“What do you fancy doing now? Fancy a McDonalds?” 

“Can I have an ice cream, please?”

“Of course, baby.” 

It was rare that you and Harry managed to get a night alone with each other, but this specific Saturday night Anne had offered to take Theo and the two of you weren’t complaining. It had been two or so months since your relationship grew from being professional into something more and you were yet to fully consummate your relationship. 

You did other things, of course, in the dead of night when Theo was fast asleep. You were both just uncomfortable with the idea of having sex and reaching that last level of intimacy whilst he was in the other room. 

The thought physically made you shudder. 

“Are you hungry, baby?” 

“I could eat.” You respond, sitting across from Harry as he scrolls through his phone whilst leaning upon the kitchen island. 

“Pizza?” 

You scoff, “Is that even a question?” 

Once the delivery of your pizza’s arrive, you don’t think you’ve ever seen someone inhale a pizza as quickly as Harry did. He even ended up eating a slice of your own. 

Cleaning up was easy and before you knew anything, you were both changing and getting ready for bed. It was at this point you could go through the plan that you’d created a week or so ago when you learnt that this day would be happening. 

You dressed yourself in delicate white lingerie that would have anyone swooning and dropping to their knees. You tousled your hair, applied some lip balm to your lips and walk out to the bedroom. 

“Fucking hell.” He drops his phone onto the bed beside him, “Where have you been keeping that?” 

“It’s one of the surprises I always ramble on about.” 

“Totally worth it.” He throws his hands up and makes grabby movements towards you which you give in to. 

His arms wrap around you waist and pull you down so you could press your lips to his. There was something different within the air today and you could both feel it. 

“You wanna feel me?” 

“Always.” 

His fingers reach up to unclasp your bra, dropping the lace material to the floor as you clamber upon his lap. His lips wrap around your pebbled nipples, the feeling of his swirling tongue earning breathy moans to escape your lips. 

“Sensitive?” 

“Just finished my period.” 

“Ah.” You thread your fingers through his hair, tugging slightly. 

You drop to your knees, looking up at him through your eyelashes as you use your hand to palm him through his boxers. You place two kisses to each of the ferns, another one at the top of his happy trail before you hook your fingers into the material of his briefs, pulling them down as he lifted his hips to help. 

This wasn’t your first rodeo with Harry’s dick, but that didn’t mean that you became any less nervous every time you saw it. 

“Are you just going to stare?” 

“I’m contemplating?” 

“Contemplating what?” 

“Whether or not you deserve me to suck your dick. Leave me to it, baby.” 

He shuts his mouth the second to place one kitten lip to his base, your eyes watching as his stomach heaves up and down at the feeling. Wrapping your lips around the tip, you start to bob your head up and down, using your spit to ease yourself into it. Harry’s hand reaches out to grip your hair, guiding your head up and down but making sure to not go too far. 

“You’re amazing. Fuck, YN baby.” 

You use the free hand that wasn’t aiding you by jerking the length that you couldn’t take to squeeze his thigh, right by his tiger once before allowing your finger to rub over your sensitive nub through your panties, allowing any sort of friction to be released. 

“Gotta stop baby.” He gently pushes you off of him, your mouth releasing him with a pop, “Need to last for you.” 

Once you’re stood up he pulls your panties down your legs, watching as you step out of them. You both switch positions so that you’re laid on top of the plush comforter whilst Harry fumbles through his bedside table, taking a foil packet out. 

Your eyes never leave him as he gives himself a few tugs before rolling the condom on, giving you a once over before bending down. 

“Are you sure you want to do this?” He questions once and you nod, muttering confirmation as he moves to hover above you. 

You feel a little discomfort at first, probably due to how long it had been since you last had sex. 

“Move, Harry.” 

“M’kay.” 

His lips are on yours again as he starts to move his hips, finding his rhythm as he thrusts in and out of you. You whine into his mouth whilst he groans into yours, the feeling becoming all too unbearable for the two of you. 

“Feel so good, H. So big, so full.” 

The chuffed face he pulled as he continued to thrust his hips to yours, his lips wrapping around your nipple briefly was enough for you to fall for him again. 

“M’gonna come, baby.” 

“I know, H, me too.” 

He slipped his hand down between you both to use his fingers to rub your sensitive bundle of nerves, sending you over the edge. A long moan of his name leaves your lips, your back arches and your eyes start to water. 

“That’s it. Fuck! Squeezin’ me so tight.” 

He moans as he comes, spilling into the condom whilst his movements halt inside of you. 

He head drops forward upon your shoulder, the two of you masking in the overwhelming thing your had just experienced. 

“There’s no one else I ever want to do that with.” 

“Looks like you’re stuck with me, then.” 

“YN.” Theo catches your attention as you wash both of your hands after the painting session you had both just had, “Are you my new Mummy?” 

Your movements halt as you look down at the little boy, his features becoming more and more like Harry’s everyday. 

You look up to Harry who’s stood drying his hand a couple of metres away, a goofy smile present on his lips as he nods at you. 

“If you want me to be Theo, but are you sure?” 

“I love you, YN.” 

“I love you too, now go dry your hands.” 

Harry passes him the towel to dry his hands which he does with little no disagreement. 

“Are you going to go turn the TV on whilst Daddy talks to Mummy?” 

The words felt odd leaving his lips, but a good kind of odd. You watch as he leaves the bathroom and bounds towards the living room. 

You wrap your arms around Harry and sigh contently into his chest. 

“I can’t believe he just said that.” 

“I can. There’s no one else I’d want to be his mother.” 

You stand on your tip toes to kiss his lips once. 

“I love you, Harry.” 

“I love you too.” 

[raibebe]

Soft core

Genre: Fluff(?) Words: 11,4 k holy shit this is insane Prompt: Jaehyun in his vampire bdsm outfit he wore in the Punch era but make it sfw Warnings: mentions of blood, brief mentions of member x member relationships, brief descriptions of a panic attack

A/N: This was written for Aimee who loves Jaehyun with her whole heart, happy birthday Aimee 💖 I hope you had an amazing day and like this little something. I know you deactivated but I already started writing this a month ago and I’ll post it anyways in the hope you’ll see this someday and a couple of others will enjoy this as well. I have mixed and matched their outfits and tattoos from both the concept photos and the live stages. Also I’m sorry Johnny, but you fit the role of the shameless flirt so well… Bonus points for anyone who spots all cameos. Special thanks to @burtonized​ who made me keep going with this and listened to all my complaints.

To say you were nervous before starting your first shift at your new job in a reasonably shady bar not too far from your apartment was an understatement. You seriously questioned your own sanity and why you had even applied for the job when you had seen the offer on the beat up wooden entrance door next to an old motorcycle license plate and a bright green neon sign that illuminated the word ‘open’ a couple of days ago. The blue haired man behind the bar had given you a questioning look after you had entered the bar because you couldn’t have looked any more out of place with your soft sweater between the old wooden interior and the leather the barman and a handful of customers were wearing. It had cost all of your courage and a reminder that you needed to find a job for the weekends to walk up to the bar to ask the barman about the job offer. He had asked you a couple of questions like whether you had already waited tables before, which you had (at a place that was lit far better than this one but how different would it be?). The man who had introduced himself as Kun and honestly seemed like a big softie on the inside despite his serious look (it had to be the intense eyebrows) had agreed to hire you on the spot because he had the offer up for a while and no one had come in to ask about it and he couldn’t keep bullying his apparently very chaotic roommates to keep covering the shifts on the busy weekends anymore.

That’s how you found yourself here, a couple of days later on a Friday night, staring at the wooden door yet again (now missing the job offer and not yet illuminated by the neon sign).You took a deep breath and pushed through the door of the bar, this time not looking as out of place as you had before, wearing black skinny jeans and a simple grey v-neck. Kun looked up from where he was wiping down the counter, shooting you a smile. Today he had styled his hair up, exposing his forehead and was wearing a black button up shirt with a bunch of white details that was missing quiet some buttons at the top. “You actually came,” he grinned, “You can put your jacket and bag into the back room.” He pointed to a door with the label ‘staff only’. “We’re opening in half an hour. I’ll introduce you to the others once they decide to arrive.” Nodding you rushed to put your stuff away. You were pleasantly surprised by how clean it was in the back. The beat up interior from the main room was nowhere to be found. So it really didn’t seem too bad if it was only shabby for aesthetic purposes.

After taking a couple of more deep breaths in front of the mirror in the staff room, you felt as prepared as you would ever be and emerged back into the main room of the bar. Next to Kun behind the counter was now another man, clad in the tightest pair of leather pants you had ever seen and a loose, see through black blouse, his long blonde hair tied back into a ponytail, showing off a variety of piercings in his ears that were reflecting the low light of the neon signs. When both men noticed you, the blonde flashed you a bright smile and quickly wiped his fingers on the towel he had used to dry some glasses and held it out for you to shake. “Hi, I’m Ten. Kun told me he had finally found someone willing to help us out on the weekends but he missed to tell me how cute you are. Don’t worry the customers are all nice and if anyone gives you any problems, weird stares or makes inappropriate comments, just tell me immediately and I’ll throw them out,” he introduced himself. You couldn’t help but giggle a bit at the image of this petite man throwing drunken men twice his size out of the bar. “Thank you,” you answered before introducing yourself as well. “Would you please wipe down the tables in the back?” Kun asked, handing you a cloth, “The other waiter should be here any minute, so he can walk you through the process.” “You’re all males working here?” You asked shyly while starting to wipe the tall round tables closest to the bar. “Honey, there’s not many woman brave enough to even set a foot in here even though about eighty percent of our regulars and hundred percent of our staff are big softies hiding behind leather jackets and tattoos,” Ten chirped, disappearing beneath the counter to check the tubes of the beer taps.

Speaking of the other staff, as if on queue the door slammed open to reveal a ridiculously tall man with the biggest brown eyes you had ever seen, his platinum hair swept back from his forehead,  a huge grin plastered on his face. “Yooo, the poster with the job offer is gone, did you finally find someone?” The man all but shouted, excitedly bouncing up and down on his way to the bar, shucking off his leather jacket and carelessly throwing it on one of the bar stools to reveal toned arms and a strong chest straining his short sleeved black shirt. “Xuxi, indoor voice please,” Kun groaned, massaging his temples. “Oh sorry,” the other man - Xuxi - answered, flashing Kun big puppy eyes. “We did find someone, please don’t scare her off,” Ten answered Xuxi’s initial question, emerging back from under the counter, smashing the door shut, which caused Kun to groan again. “That thing has a handle for a reason,” he sighed. “It keeps opening itself back up otherwise,” the smaller man shrugged, leaning against the now spotless counter, a mischievous smile on his lips. “Wait, her?” Xuxi asked, eyes wide in either excitement or amazement, “As in she? A girl?” “Yes, hello,” you quietly introduced yourself, stepping out from the corner where you had been cleaning the tabletops.

“Wow, you’re so pretty,” Xuxi said instead of a proper introduction when you walked over to where the three men were standing. You could feel the heat rise to your cheeks, tinting them a rosy color. Sighing, Kun took the dirty cloth from you and rinsed it in the sink. “This is Xuxi, the other waiter for tonight. As you might have noticed he doesn’t have much of a filter, but i swear he is harmless.” “Just call me Lucas at work, it’s easier,” the man in question grinned, not even bothering to correct Kun and extended a hand for you to shake (needless to say because he was unnecessary tall, his huge hand could almost cover your whole fist). “I’ll teach you everything you need to know,” he beamed and even though he had just called you cute, he was definitely the cutest person currently in this room. “Thank you,” you murmured, a smile spreading on your lips because Xuxi’s grin was really infectious and you felt your anxiety disappearing.

In the remaining time before the bar would officially open, Xuxi taught you everything you needed to know. From their system and how you’d take the orders and which tables you would serve to special drinks that weren’t on the menu and what to do if any customers would give you trouble. “There’s probably not much to do for the first two hours or so”, Xuxi concluded, running a hand through his platinum blonde hair, making his muscles dance beneath his shirt, “Like that you can get used to it before it gets packed. Fridays are always busy and there’s a bunch of different people coming. Did any regulars call in before?” He asked the last question to the general direction of the bar. Flipping through a book next to the cash register, Ten nodded. “127 are coming in, they got that big table in the back but other than that, no one called.” “What’s 127?” You asked curiously because that was one of the tables you were supposed to serve. “They’re a group of guys our age, but I’m not really sure what exactly they are to be honest,” Xuxi laughed while fixing the belt that held his wallet before handing you your own one. “I think they are bikers,” Ten supplied, turning around to reorganizing the bottles behind the bar for the third time tonight, “At least some of them have bikes and they sure look the part. Have you seen Johnny’s new tattoo the other week, Xuxi? That must have hurt like hell.” “Yeah, I saw the post with his chestpiece on his Instagram. That man is ripped.” “Well, you’re one to talk,” you murmured under your breath, organizing the contents of the belt to your liking. Laughing out loud, Ten slapped Kun on the chest. “We need to keep her, I like her,” he giggled and Kun just shot you a slightly pained smile, rubbing where Ten’s hand had come down. “Oh come on, old man. I didn’t even hit that hard.” “Stop calling me old, I am literally just two months older than you,” Kun groaned, softly shaking a grinning Ten. Unbothered by the bickering of the two barmen, Xuxi called over from the door: “I’ll switch on the sign!”

Your anxiety came back at full force when the bar started to fill up one hour after it opened. Resisting the urge to hide behind the bar, you approached yet another group of shady looking men to take their orders. Like the other people you had served before, they gave you a weird look while looking up and down your frame once before asking if you were new here. You just nodded and smiled politely while writing down their orders before walking back to the bar where you took out one of the trays and put the note with the order on top so Ten or Kun could put the according drinks on top. “Here, have a little drink, the night is just beginning,” Ten grinned and pushed a glass into your hands before completing the order while somehow also dancing fluently to the music that was playing through the speakers now. You eyed the drink suspiciously, the deep orange color throwing you off a bit. “It’s not spiked, no need to worry,” Xuxi told you, suddenly appearing next to you, placing his own tray with empty glasses onto the counter, winking teasingly before grabbing a colorful bottle to pour a bunch of shots, so Ten and Kun could focus on the other, more complicated drinks on the orders. You drowned the sickly sweet drink quickly and put the glass next to the ones that needed to be rinsed. You mouthed Ten a ‘thank you’ when you picked up your order and he blew you an exaggerated kiss, making you giggle and feel a little more at ease. It was like he had known you were being nervous again.

After checking in with your other tables and earning a big tip from some truckers that actually had been really nice, you made your way back to the bar to help Kun with rinsing the glasses that had been piling up. “You remember those regulars that were coming in tonight?” the blue haired barman suddenly asked, “That’s them.” He nodded towards the door where a group of men were coming in. For a moment, your breath got caught in your throat because Ten hadn’t been wrong earlier when he said that those 127 guys looked like bikers. Honestly anyone of them could have been a model for the leather clothes they were wearing while standing in front of a Harley Davidson or thrashing something with a baseball bat. (Also was one of them wearing a metal harness beneath his leather vest?) “They’re all nice people, no need to worry,” Kun calmed you down, shooting you a reassuring smile before taking the beer glass from your hands that you had started to grip so hard, your knuckles were turning white. “How many are they?” You asked him curiously while eyeing the group as they made their way over to their designated table, greeting other regulars as well as Lucas (one of them was apparently just as incapable of having an indoor voice as him when he loudly yelled ‘Lucas’ before hugging the taller male tightly).

“Yooo, Johnny’s chestpiece looks even more sick in real life,” Lucas said with wide eyes when he came back to the bar. “Also he gave me 20 dollar so I would ask Haechan and Mark if they were even legal when they would order something alcoholic,” he grinned, “I’ll share if you do it.” “How am I supposed to know who to ask?” You asked because even though you were shy, 20 dollars were 20 dollars. “That’s the spirit,” Lucas grinned and threw an arm around your shoulders to turn you in the direction of the table where the men had sat down, not even trying to be subtle about it. “You see the one with the purple hair sitting next to the tall one with half his chest exposed? The purple haired one is Haechan and the tall one is Johnny. Mark is the one on the stool to the left, just ask Haechan for his age first, Mark will be the one to laugh the loudest,” he quickly explained. “You know them quite well,” you said, trying to fight the heat spreading across your cheeks because it didn’t happen any day that you were in such a close proximity to a handsome man like Lucas. “I went to school with Mark,” he shrugged, letting you go when Kun yelled that his order was ready.

Before walking up to their table you took another deep breath to calm your furiously beating heart, repeating in your head how no one had been mean to you yet and that all your coworkers kept on telling you how nice they were supposed to be. “Hi everyone,” you greeted them when you arrived at the table, “Have you already decided what you want to order?” Seeing the chaos that the group was already in, half of them probably didn’t even notice that you had arrived at the table. “Guys!” The pink haired man wearing the harness type thing scolded the others that were bickering in the back of the little booth on the couch. “I’m sorry, they usually behave better,” he smiled and his big eyes combined with his pink hair made him look like he came straight out of an animation. “I’m Taeyong by the way,” the pink haired man supplied, flashing you a genuine smile, “You’re new here, right? I haven’t seen you around before.” “Today is my first day,” you nodded, cheeks heating up under the gaze of the handsome man, nervously playing with your little notepad. “Let’s order, guys!” Taeyong said, the others slowly turning their attention towards you. How all of them were this handsome was beyond your imagination. Shyly you introduced yourself as their waiter for the night for the second time and asked for their orders. One after the other they either ordered plain beer or some really extraordinary cocktails that you had never heard of before. When the purple haired boy, Haechan, ordered his cocktail, you took a deep breath before putting on your best poker face. “Could I see your ID to check your age first?”

As soon as the words had left your lips, the whole table fell dead silent and the boy’s mouth dropped open in surprise. But before you could lose your courage to mutter an apology, the boy that had greeted Lucas loudly before, burst out in laughter, that the others minus Haechan quickly joined and even you couldn’t hold back the grin that spread over your face. “Now that I think about it, could I see yours as well?” You followed up and asked the dark haired boy with the infectious laugh, whose eyes immediately turned into saucers, his mouth wide open while the others couldn’t hold their laughs anymore, the purple haired boy joining in now. “I’m sorry,” you giggled, turning to the last man to order when they all had calmed down, using the napkins on the table to exaggeratedly wipe their tears. “What can I get you?” When the man with the dark hair that was elegantly swept back from his face turned towards you, you could swear that time stilled for a moment. His dark eyes that were accentuated with a bit of eyeshadow fixed yours and you were captivated, unable to look away. When your eyes dipped lower for a second you could see the black ink of a tattoo on the pale skin of his neck. He seemed familiar but you couldn’t quite tell why. Maybe you had seen him around on campus. But even then you should have been able to tell because that tattoo really wasn’t subtle at all. Briefly you were wondering if he could ever work a normal job with something like that. “I think I’ll just start with a beer as well,” he spoke softly, his voice a deep rumble, tearing you from your thoughts. After you had definitely stared at him for way too long than it would have been acceptable, you tore your gaze away from him, quickly scribbling down his order as well, repeating what you had written down for the others to confirm.

“Great, then I’ll be back in a bit with your drinks,” you smiled, after one of them had insisted that they should get a round of shots as well. “Can’t wait,” the tall one with the eagle tattoo on his chest said with a smirk on his lips, adding a cheesy wink that made you way more flustered than you would have liked. You quickly turned to hide your heated face, speed walking back over to the bar to put their order down. “Did you do it?” Lucas eagerly asked, bouncing up and down in excitement where he was helping to dry some glasses behind the counter. “Where’s my money?” You grinned, holding out your palm towards him. “Waaa, you really did it,” he grinned while bouncing up and down excitedly and you could barely hold in the urge to coo at him. He really did resemble an oversized puppy. You barely knew him for more than a couple of hours but he already had wiggled his way into your heart.

“Lucas, you didn’t tell us such a pretty girl would be serving us tonight,” a smooth male voice suddenly interrupted. When you turned around, the tall man from the 127 gang (Were they a gang? Did they do illegal stuff?) came walking up to the counter, leaning against the polished wood. “She’s new here, I didn’t know either,” Lucas pouted, already grabbing two shot glasses to put up on the bar top, putting the third one back down when you shook your head. You weren’t going to drink on your first day of work even though it seemed to be normal when you watched Lucas fill up the two glasses with a shady looking liquid from an unlabeled bottle he had grabbed from below the counter. Clinking their glasses together both men drowned their shots and while the tall biker didn’t even flinch, Lucas broke out into a whole body shiver, squeezing his eyes shut. “This stuff is really fucking disgusting,” he grimaced before refilling one of the shot glasses again, shoving it in front of the other man again, “I don’t know how Ten manages to make these concoctions.” Grinning, the man in question suddenly appeared and snatched the shot glass from below the other‘s fingers, drowning it himself. The blonde only grimaced a little. “I gotta say, I’ve made better stuff but also definitely worse. Lucas, we need a new keg of beer, can you please get one from the back, you’re so much stronger than I am,” Ten pouted, batting his lashes at Lucas and rubbing one of his hands over the other’s muscled arms. “Be nice to her,” Lucas told the man with the big tattoo on his chest and quickly disappeared to the back.

“I’m Johnny by the way,” he introduced himself, running a hand through his dark red hair. “So you’re the one who asked Lucas to embarrass your friends,” you remembered, your eyes getting caught on the intricate feathers of the eagle that spread its wings over Johnny’s broad chest. He smirked when your eyes came back up to meet his. “That would be me. You like the tattoo?” “It looks nice,” you mumbled, embarrassed at being caught staring, “It’s not something you see every day.” “I have some other ones that are pretty interesting as well,” he winked. “Su-Sure,” you stuttered, feeling your face heat up for what must have been the millionth time this night. “You’re cute,” Johnny laughed, the sound bright and inviting, his eyes turning into little crescents. “What did you come over for? Did I miss something on the order?” You tried to move the conversation in a direction you were a little (a lot) more comfortable with. “I just thought I could put my muscles to use and help you carry our drinks, we ordered quite a lot. Also I still owe you money for pulling that prank on Mark and Haechan. Even though their faces were priceless.” “How old are they anyways?” You asked him because you didn’t actually ended up looking at their IDs and Haechan especially did seem quite young. Digging out his worn out wallet, Johnny fished out a twenty dollar bill and teasingly held it up between two fingers. “They’re both of age, don’t worry, they just have baby faces.”

Snatching the bill from his hands, you quickly stuffed it in your pocket. “Thank you,” you grinned, relieved that it really had just been a prank between friends. “How old are you then?” You heard yourself asking after you had glanced at the tray that Ten had been filling up, but a couple of glasses were still missing. The weird cocktails seemed to take quite some time to make (Why there was celery swimming in what looked like tomato juice was a mystery to you). “Let’s pretend I’m in my early twenties,” Johnny grinned, his long fingers playing with the cherries that were stuck to the rim of one of the cocktail glasses. “Pretend?” You were confused. He couldn’t be much older than you were. “It’s improper for old men like me to flirt with such pretty young girls after all,” he winked and stuck out his tongue. “You… You can’t be much older than me though,” you argued, trying to fight your shyness back down. But your furiously beating heart was betraying you. Luckily he couldn’t notice that from his place where he was still leaning against the counter, the long line of his body perfectly shown off; his legs seemed almost endlessly long in the heavy leather pants. Chuckling, he raked his eyes across your body in a similar way you must have seconds ago but you felt like you were burning up wherever he was looking. Within the blink of an eye he was in your personal space, crowding you against the bar. “I’m 25,” he breathed, “How long do you have to work today, honey?”

Before you could even think of an answer, Johnny was shoved backwards by another man dressed completely in black. You recognized him as one of the men from Johnny’s gang, the one with the neck tattoo that had seemed weirdly familiar to you. “Leave her alone, Johnny,” he drawled, his voice barely more than a growl, “There’s someone waiting for you outside.” After a moment of heavy eye contact between the two males, Johnny scoffed and threw you another smile. “See you later, darling,” he chirped before turning towards the exit. “I’m sorry if he made you uncomfortable, he doesn’t know when to stop sometimes,” the handsome man spoke, his voice still deep but way less threatening. “It’s… It’s fine you wouldn’t have needed to step in like that,” you reassured him, “But thank you.” “Yeah, I don’t know, something just didn’t sit right with me when he crowded you like that. Especially when you’re new to this type of environment, it’s pretty different from your usual job.” “My usual job?” You asked, clearly confused, “Do we know each other?” “Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you had recognized me,” the man’s eyes widened in surprise and he averted his gaze as if he was embarrassed. “I’m Jaehyun. You know, the dude who keeps killing his plants.” Now it was your turn to be surprised. “No way. You look so different.” “It’s the clothes, right?” Jaehyun was rubbing the intricate lines of ink on his neck, looking up from between his dark lashes, smiling shyly and now that his dimples were almost showing, you did finally recognize him.

He was somewhat of a regular customer at the flower shop you worked in during the week to help out the old lady who owned the shop, always coming in to buy new plants when he had managed to kill yet another one. Now in the heavy leather jacket with more buckles and straps than you could count, he looked so different than when he came to the shop, his dark hair fluffy so his bangs almost covered his eyes and wearing soft sweaters and jeans. You also somehow had never noticed the big tattoo that stretched around his neck.

You could remember the first time he came into the shop very vividly. It was just after your break that you had spent lazing around in the backyard of the shop in front of the little greenhouse, letting the sun shine onto your face, just basking in the moment for a bit, letting all your worries about money or upcoming exams melt away. The job at the little flower job didn’t pay very well because people these days bought less and less flowers and the old lady couldn’t afford to pay more but you couldn’t just leave her alone in the shop. You really enjoyed her presence and learning about the language of flowers and how to bind pretty bouquets. When the distant chirping of the old cuckoo clock in the shop announced the end of your break, you got up from your place and put your apron back on, so you wouldn’t accidentally dirty your clothes. You came back into the shop just in time to see the big load of new plants that was being delivered. Two boys were unloading a colorful truck while continuously bickering in what seemed to be Chinese about where to put the plants in the shop and on the sidewalk outside so people could still walk past. “Urgh, this sucks why did we let us get talked into helping out?” The one with green hair sighed after they had put the last plant down, handing the old lady the papers she had to sign that the shipment had arrived at her place. She chuckled while handing the papers back. “I’ve made some iced tea, have a little break, boys,” she smiled her kind, wrinkled smile at them, taking them to the little kitchen area in the back to pour each one of them a glass even though the smaller of them had declined her offer at least ten times while his green haired friend gladly took her invitation.

Smiling you reassured the old lady that you would rearrange the flowers and plants so you could fit them all into the shop and the small greenhouse in the back. Maybe her grandson would come in later to help you move the heavier plants. He always came to the shop to laze around without having his parents scold him and his grandmother could never say no to his charming smile that made any girl his age swoon. He had recently dyed his hair a soft pinkish shade and had been hanging around the shop a lot more because his parents weren’t quite fond of his style choices. You gently stroked the leaves of the little pink rose bushes (that had kind of reminded you of the boy in the first place) that seemed rather thirsty to you, making a mental note to water them lots after you had arranged them.

While rearranging the cut roses so you could fit the new bushes in between them, the little bell on the door rang, announcing the arrival of a customer. “I’ll be right over,” you said, detangling yourself from the bush you had tried to fit in the display window. “No need to hurry,” the customer answered with a deep voice. It wasn’t often that men visited your store. And most times they just wanted a quick, expensive looking bouquet to either impress a girl or to apologize to their wife. Putting on your best customer friendly smile, you walked over to where the man was eyeing some cherry tree bonsais, his broad back turned towards you. “How can I help you?” When the man turned around, he immediately politely smiled at you, making your heart beat pick up just a little. He was definitely attractive, you couldn’t deny that. His dark hair was unstyled and hung into his eyes a bit, covering his strong eyebrows that every girl would be envious over. He seemed young, about your age. The pale blue hoodie and the fluffy hair made him seem very soft and gentle despite his strong jawline and prominent cheekbones. “Well I’ve moved into a new space and it looks a little empty, so I thought some plants might be the way to fix that,” he explained, fiddling with the hem of his slightly oversized hoodie. “That’s a great idea,” you beamed, trying to seem reassuring since he seemed rather nervous, “Do you have anything special in mind?” “No, I really don’t but those roses you just put in the display window look very pretty, it’s what made me come in,” he said, motioning to where you had been fighting with the roses earlier. “Roses need a lot of attention though,” you warned him, walking over to where you had tucked the little bushes into a corner. “I have a lot of time and like a good challenge,” he answered, a grin tugging at his lips, a set of dimples just barely showing, “You’re bleeding by the way.” He added, gently touching your hand. Startled, you jerked away, heat licking at your cheeks. “Oh, I’m sorry,” he quickly apologized, “But you should bandage that or it might get infected if something gets into the wound.” “Don’t worry, it’s not even that deep,” you concluded after examining the small cut on the back of your hand where you had lost the battle with one of the thorns. You quickly shot the man another smile that you hoped was reassuring.

“So do any of those roses look good to you?” “The pale orange ones look nice.” You couldn’t hold back a small giggle. “What’s so funny?” He asked, his beautiful brows drawn together in confusion. “The color is called peach,” you still giggled, grabbing the pot to show him the petals in the sunlight. “Well it is orange though,” he shrugged. “Men and colors,” you sighed dramatically but couldn’t help the smile spreading on your lips, “You like them and want to try caring for them?” “Yeah, let’s try it. Anything I should look out for?” While walking up to the cash register and ringing him up, you briefly explained how to take care of the roses the best.

“I hope they brighten up your room a bit,” you smiled when he had paid. “The visit sure brightened up my day,” he replied smiling widely, the set of cute dimples reappearing on his cheeks. Before you could overcome your sudden shyness to reply anything, he had already wished you a good day and disappeared from the shop.  

After his visit, the man had crept back into your mind a couple of times. Every time you watered the little twin of the rose bush he had bought, it somehow reminded you of his sweet dimpled smile and his deep, soothing voice. You always scolded yourself when you noticed how you were spacing out, in fact watering the floor instead of the little rose bushes how you were supposed to. (You had been made fun of by a certain pink haired boy one too many times lately.) Your boss had just smiled knowingly and pressed a little bouquet with beautiful yellow Chrysanthemums in the middle, when you had closed up the shop, making your face heat up and furiously deny everything. But like always, the old lady knew you probably better than you knew yourself.

The second time the handsome stranger had visited the shop, he had been wearing a white turtle neck and a simple denim jacket, his hair pushed back with a dark blue hat. “Hello again,” he greeted you, gently smiling when he walked up to the counter where you were currently binding a bouquet with a couple of big purple hyacinths, “I’ll have a little look around. No need to hurry that.” Even though you tried to concentrate on arranging the flowers in the bouquet and picking smaller flowers that would look good with the big center piece, you kept glancing over to the man who was sniffing different flowers, quietly sneezing when he inhaled too deeply.

“Those are really pretty,” he said after he had not so subtly watched you work for a while from his place between the brightly colored geraniums while walking up to the counter. “The man who commissioned them paid a lot of money for them to look pretty,” you smiled, gently tucking smaller white flowers all around the big purple ones in the middle. “Does it mean anything? I’ve never seen this kind of flower,” he asked, seeming genuinely interested. “You’re interested in the language of flowers?” You asked, securely tying the bouquet together, placing them in a vase for the time being. “What languages would flowers speak?” The man asked, sounding genuinely confused. For a moment you could just stare at him, his dark brown eyes widened and his mouth slightly ajar, before you burst out in a fit of giggles. “Hey! What’s so funny?” He asked, trying to sound offended but he couldn’t fight the smile that spread across his lips. “They don’t speak any language, silly. The different types of flowers mean different things. I don’t know all of it but the owner of the shop has been teaching me some of it,” you explained to him. “Ooh, that makes a lot more sense,” he nodded, “What do those mean then?” “They’re hyacinths. The man told me he needed to apologize to his girlfriend. The purple ones stand for sorrow. I doubt she will notice though.” “Probably not,” he chuckled. “What did the rose mean I bought last time? The peach one?” “I’m not quite sure, I’ll ask my boss when she’s back. What brings you back here?” “Well,” he scratched the back of his head and averted his eyes, “I need a new plant, the rose was  kind of a lot more work than I thought it was.”

“Oh no.” You felt genuinely sad. You kind of had expected it not to go well but this was honestly a lot faster than you could have imagined. “I should have listened to you when you told me that they were a lot, I’m sorry,” he apologized, “But I really want to try to keep a plant alive. She looked really good for the time she was alive.” “She?” “Well I gave her a name.” You giggled again. “That’s really cute.” “Not as cute as you though.” It was suddenly so silent in the shop, the only noise the soft buzzing sound coming from the air-conditioning. You stared into the man’s eyes, expecting a his face to heat up in a similar fashion yours was, to see a blush creep up his face or his ears, but his face stayed perfectly pale, not a single blotch of color visible. But he had to be embarrassed as well if the way he was chewing on his lips was any sign. “I’m sorry, that just slipped,” he mumbled. “I… Shouldn’t you at least tell me your name before you start complimenting me like that?” You stuttered when you found your voice again. “Jaehyun,” he supplied, still awkwardly shuffling around, “It’s Jaehyun.” “Alright Jaehyun, let’s find you a new plant that’s not as easy to kill.

From that day onward Jaehyun came to the shop somewhat regularly, either announcing the death of yet another plant or telling you how they were on the brink of death and he didn’t know how it happened or what to do to save them. You were really close to either tell him to stick to bouquets or cacti but when you were being honest, you enjoyed his little visits. He’d stay longer and longer every time, telling you little stories about how he suspected that his roommates were secretly killing all the plants. In turn you told him about your boring life between your classes and your job. And sometimes you even taught him about the language of flowers while he was watching you put together a bouquet for yet another desperate boyfriend.

One visit in particular had stuck with you for some reason. Your whole day had just been bad: One of your professors had caught you slacking off in class and called you out in front of everyone, then at lunch a guy had run into you, making you drop half your food on the floor and then it had started to rain on your way to work. And if that wasn’t enough, the old lady hadn’t been feeling well because of the sudden change in weather and you had sent her off into her apartment that was above the shop, so she could rest. So now you were just alone in the shop, watching the people outside hurry past the shop with their umbrellas. When it was raining even less people were coming into the shop because you couldn’t put any plants outside that often lured people in. Sighing, you continued with the inventory that you had started out of boredom. Of course you also hadn’t brought any useful books, so you could have studied a little.

You must have been deep in thought, moping about how much this day sucked, that you didn’t hear the little bell on the door ringing. So when someone touched your arm to get your attention, you of course were startled and let out a small scream before you lost your balance on the stepladder that you had used to count the spare pots on a higher shelf. And if that wasn’t enough, you also pushed one of said pots down as well. But before you could even brace yourself for the fall, a strong arm had wrapped around you, saving you from crashing down onto the floor and possibly cracking your head open. When you opened your eyes, that you had screwed shut, you saw straight into Jaehyun’s deep brown eyes that were full of concern. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he spoke softly and you could feel how his voice rumbled in his chest from how close he was holding you to his body. “It’s alright, it’s my fault anyways. I wasn’t paying attention,” you sighed, slowly realizing in what kind of situation you and Jaehyun were in right now. His face was so close to yours that you could almost count every single one of his long, dark eyelashes. You could even see the faintest little blush spreading over his cheeks and your own face immediately felt hot as well.

Jaehyun just smiled and released you from his grip, gently setting the pot he somehow had managed to catch with his other hand back onto the shelf. He really must have incredible reflexes and obviously the most charming smile you had ever seen. “Don’t blame yourself, you don’t look too good today,” he spoke softly. “Wow thanks,” you sarcastically said, sighing theatrically while running your hands through your hair in an attempt to smooth it out, but probably messing it up further than it already was. “Hard day?” You snorted. Hard was an understatement. It sucked. But a little voice in the back of your head whispered that now that Jaehyun had come to visit you in the shop, it would get better. “You look like you could use a hug,” he smiled and opened his arms invitingly.

Before you could even think twice about it, you wound your arms around his middle and squeezed him tightly, burying your face in the soft fabric of his cardigan that he wore over one of his many turtlenecks. Chuckling, he grabbed the fabric and stretched it around you, so you were basically wrapped up in it against his chest, before wrapping you up in his strong arms. You were drowning in his by now familiar scent and the way his chest steadily rose and fell with his breath made all stress from your body slowly dissolve. “If you keep holding me like this I will cry,” you mumbled, trying to untangle yourself from him. “I don’t mind, you know? Sometimes you just have to cry to let all the stress out,” he assured you, rubbing soothing circles on your back. “Don’t say that, I will ugly cry in your shirt,” you hiccupped, “I barely know you.” “Oh I think you know me a lot better than a lot of people,” he smiled, “It’s an old shirt anyways.” “Liar, I’ve never seen you wear this before.” “You’re keeping track?” He chuckled. “That’s not what I meant by that,” you mumbled, feeling shy suddenly because how could you not keep track when he just effortlessly looked infuriatingly good every time he walked into the shop.

“You feeling better now?” Jaehyun gently asked after you two had fallen silent, just basking in each other’s presence. He gently tilted your head back from where you had buried it in his neck, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “Yeah,” you breathed, captivated by him. You had never noticed the tiny mole he had on one of his cheeks but you found it really endearing.   “Good,” he smiled, “I brought you coffee from the shop next door.” He motioned to the two cups he had placed on the counter next to the cash register. “You have a heart of gold Jaehyun,” you confessed, a smile slowly spreading on your lips and your heartbeat picking up. You kept the thought that he probably would also make the perfect boyfriend, to yourself. Not that it would matter, you were sure he didn’t see you like that. He just played it off, laughing awkwardly like he always did when he was embarrassed. (Coming to think of it, you really seemed to know him better than you had initially thought.) “Let’s drink it before it gets cold and you can tell me more about your day,” he offered and slowly loosened his arms around you. “Can you tell me about yours instead?” You asked with a small voice. “I’d rather forget all of this stupid day before you walked in here.” “Of course, darling,” he breathed. Your heart skipped a beat before doubling its pace when the pet name rolled of his tongue just like that. Maybe there was just the slightest little chance, he might consider you more than just the friend that worked in the flower shop that he had to visit to get advice on how to not kill his plants. Smiling you loosened your grip on him as well and you two sat down on the counter, dangling your legs and sipping the slightly cold coffee while you listened to Jaehyun ramble about the mess that were his flatmates. Until this day you hadn’t figured out how many people he actually lived with but you couldn’t help but smile at the little stories he told you. And even when he stopped talking, you just enjoyed the silence while watching the people outside. And maybe it was just your imagination but the umbrellas outside seemed just a little brighter with your head resting on Jaehyun’s broad shoulder.

“I’ve never noticed your whole tattoo thing that’s going on,” you said, motioning around your own neck when you came back from your fond memories of Jaehyun. “Yeah, I try to not let it show as much usually,” he replied, almost nervously playing with the collar of his leather jacket.   “Did it hurt a lot when you got it?” “Yeah, the skin is kind of tender around your neck,” he answered, his gaze not meeting your eyes but fixating a point right behind you. “You get that question a lot don’t you?” you gently asked, fingers itching to reach out to touch him. “Yeah, it’s all people talk about when they see it,” he shrugged, “I’m used to it by now.” “Oh, I’m sorry,” you quickly apologized. “It’s fine,” Jaehyun reassured you, gently grazing his fingers over your exposed forearm, making goose bumps break out over your skin. “Yes, it did hurt. No I don’t regret it. Yes I probably can’t work a normal job if I’m not wearing a turtleneck. No, I didn’t get it in prison. It was done in a perfectly sanitary tattoo shop by a professional artist. No, I’m not a criminal”, he quickly addressed every typical question he apparently got about the tattoo in a single breath, a smile spreading on his lips, making his dimples appear and your heart beat faster.

“Glad to know I haven’t been talking to a criminal over the past few weeks even though you did kill an unholy amount of plants,” you giggled, checking again if the order was ready only to find Ten engrossed in a conversation with a group of young men that were sitting at the bar, his work forgotten. “Well I guess I am guilty of that,” Jaehyun pouted and it was weirdly endearing seeing him act playful like that with his dark and intimidating clothing. “So you’re not a criminal but a biker?” “Is that what you think our group is?” He asked, tilting his head to the side. “That’s what everyone told me at least. And you do look the part.” “A couple of us do have bikes, but I don’t think that justifies the title. We’re just a,” he bit his tongue for a bit, “We’re just friends. Friends who like to dress in a lot of leather and black clothing.”

It seemed to be a somewhat touchy subject so you decided to not push any further. “You don’t need to explain it to me,” you smiled reassuringly, quickly squeezing his cold hand. “Jaehyun, stop flirting with my best waitress,” Kun teased, adding the little shot glasses to the second tray that completed the order. “I wasn’t flirting, I-“ but Jaehyun didn’t complete his apology when Kun shot him a knowing look and your face heated up on his behalf because Jaehyun didn’t blush like ever. “Stop making excuses and help her carry all this back to the table,” the barman grinned, returning to his work by pulling Ten back by the hairs on his neck from where he was still talking to the handsome customers sitting at the bar. “I would appreciate some help, that’s what Johnny came over for as well,” you tried to push past the awkwardness. “Like hell he was,” Jaehyun grumbled, grabbing the one of the trays maybe a tad too forceful than he needed to, the drinks almost spilling over. “Don’t be angry with him, he was being nice,” you consoled him, gently petting his leather clad arm (wasn’t he warm in that thick jacket?). “I saw just how nice he was being,” he sighed, rolling his shoulders, “He’s such a goddamn flirt.” “Nothing happened Jaehyun,” you tried one last time, looking into his dark eyes, getting lost in the seemingly bottomless obsidian.

Only the thud of the heavy entrance door made you snap out of it and you quickly turned to grab the second tray. You hadn’t even noticed how you had gravitated towards Jaehyun, it was like his eyes had hypnotized you. “Need another pair of helping hands?” A familiar voice asked and Johnny strode over towards you two again, now with an energetic bounce in his step, his red lips curved into a smile. “We’ve got it,” Jaehyun answered, scrunching his nose as if he had smelled something bad before taking a deep breath. “Don’t wait too long, Jaehyun,” the taller said, his tone suddenly stern and his brows furrowed. “I can handle it, Johnny,” Jaehyun gritted out, shoving past the taller man to make his way over to the table where their friends were still waiting for their drinks. Sighing, you followed him back to the table. It was weird how different he was behaving with his friends around. You had never expected to meet him in any place outside of your job at the flower shop and much less in a place like this. The soft man who liked to wear denim jackets seemed to be buried beneath the heavy leather jacket.

“Here’s your drinks,” you smiled when you put the tray down to distribute the drinks. “You’re not drinking with us?” A blonde man with a scratch in his eyebrow asked when everyone had picked up their shot glasses. “It’s my first day, I don’t think it’s a good idea,” you politely declined his offer. “I’m sure Ten and Kun won’t mind,” he grinned, lifting up his own glass to hand it over to you. “She said no, didn’t you hear, Yuta?” Jaehyun growled and shot his friend a dark look. Unfazed by his behavior, the blonde - Yuta - shrugged his shoulders before drowning his shot himself, not grimacing in the slightest even though the liquid had a questionable amount of alcohol in it, judging by the numbers that had been printed on the label. “But I’m sure we can treat you to something else,” he spoke, before shifting in his seat so his poorly buttoned sleeveless shirt fell open even further, revealing smooth skin that stretched over lean muscles and a promise of something metal hidden beneath. “I-“, you stuttered. What were you supposed to reply to something like that? “You’re shameless,” one of his dark haired friends chuckled, a silver chain glistening in the light when he shook his head. “It’s called confidence,” Yuta defeated himself. “Still shameless,” another one agreed, a grin on his face. “He hasn’t had a good lay in a while, don’t mind him,” Taeyong cut in, shooting you a reassuring smile. “Certainly not because I didn’t had any offers, I’m just picky,” Yuta tried to defend himself, looking scandalized. You just giggled when the other’s started picking on him. You noticed that Jaehyun didn’t join in but his posture was more relaxed than it had been before. You really wanted to thank him for defending your choice to not drink but now didn’t seem appropriate. Silently you collected the now empty shot glasses and picked the trays back up. “I’ll be back to check in with you later then,” you smiled before walking back to the counter after checking in with a couple of other tables.

The rest of the night went down in a blur safe for the one occasion where the slender Ten indeed threw out one of the customers that couldn’t hold his liquor anymore and had fallen when he had tried to walk over to the bar to order more because Lucas had already refused to bring him any more drinks. The times when you had checked in on the 127 table, Yuta had still flirted with you only to be either shot down by Jaehyun or Taeyong. You had also noticed that over the course of the night one or two of them would always leave the bar for a couple of minutes before coming back inside with a new energy and a faint blush on their cheeks. You didn’t know what they did out there but you really hoped they didn’t do drugs or anything like that. They didn’t seem as intoxicated as the other customers no matter how much they ordered. If anything Mark was getting giggly after he had come back inside but that was pretty much everything. They all must have incredible tolerance for alcohol.

When the night died down and more and more customers were leaving, Kun waved you over to tell you that you had been a great help and he would be more than happy to see you again tomorrow for your next shift. You had beamed at him and promised to do your best. “I’m sure you will. Thank you for today, I think Lucas and I can handle the remaining customers,” he told you. “What’s with Ten?” You asked. You hadn’t seen him in a while. Kun just sighed and motioned to the 127 table where Ten comfortably sat on Johnny’s lap, the taller carding through the blonde’s hair that he had freed from the little ponytail. “Are they a thing?” You were confused. Johnny hadn’t been subtle about his flirting earlier. “No one really knows,” Kun groaned, suddenly seeming very irritated, “It’s been happening more lately but last week he went home with Taeyong as far as I remember.” “Oh…” “Don’t think about it too much. I want to say that he knows what he’s doing but that would mean that he’s actually using his brain.” Somehow you thought that he sounded sad. “Just tell Ten that you like him, Kun,” Lucas groaned, running a hand through his by now messy platinum hair. “I don’t like him,” the elder gritted out, violently cleaning glasses and slamming them onto a rack to dry. “Sure and I’ve never thought about making out with any of your roommates,” Lucas teased him. “You have what?” “Never mind I said that,” Lucas mumbled, his ears turning red, before he made a beeline to one of his tables.

You chuckled quietly. “I think he’s fond of you as well,” you softly spoke after Kun had thrown another longing look at Ten who was busy admiring the eagle tattoo on Johnny’s chest. “You don’t need to console me, but I appreciate it,” he smiled but it didn’t quiet reach his eyes, “I came to accept him how he is.” “You should at least try to shoot you shout though, don’t you think?” You tried again, stepping closer to the barman to help him clean the last glasses. He sighed deeply. “I’ve known Ten for too long now, I know he won’t suddenly become monogamous just because I tell him that I might not dislike him as much as I sometimes say.” “You can never know for sure, people do crazy stuff because of love,” a deep voice joined the conversation and Jaehyun sat down on the barstool in front of Kun and you, throwing you a quick smile. “He’s right,” you smiled, briefly squeezing Kun’s hand. “If I say that I’ll think about it, will you leave it alone for now?” You eagerly nodded, looking up at Jaehyun to see if he was doing the same. Instead a smirk played on his lips. “If you give me my drinks for free, I’ll even tell Johnny to not take Ten home tonight,” he grinned, holding up his card between two fingers. “You’re paying for everyone?” Kun just gritted out, snatching the card from the other’s fingers. Jaehyun’s grin widened before he nodded. “Isn’t that going to be a lot of money?” You asked worriedly. You had never asked but assumed Jaehyun must be a student like you, so paying the whole bill for nine men (well eight if Kun was giving Jaehyun his own drinks for free) was a lot. “I lost at rock paper scissors,” he shrugged, “Are you done with your shift?”

“She is,” Kun cut in, smacking the credit card back onto the bartop, “Tell Johnny to send him home, I’m not feeding his cats again because they’re screaming for food.” “Sure. That’s the only reason,” Jaehyun joked, pocketing his card with a grin. Kun didn’t answer, instead leaving you two alone to wipe some empty tables. “Are you going home alone?” “It’s not far from here,” you reassured the dark haired man. “I’ll walk you. You shouldn’t go alone this late.” “Only if it’s not a bother for you…” “Keeping you safe is never a bother for me,” he smiled, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear and you barely suppressed a shiver from how cold his hands were against your heated face. “I’ll tell the other’s not to wait for me and will wait outside for you,” he softly spoke before turning to walk out the door where his friends apparently had already left.

You quickly gathered your things and sorted out your tips from the rest of the money, putting everything back into the place that Lucas had shown you before disappearing into the staff room to stuff the money into your designated tip jar, so Lucas and you could share your tips with Ten and Kun. While you were quickly trying to fix your hair in the small mirror a very grumpy looking Ten joined you, groaning loudly. You had to suppress your smile. Jaehyun really had convinced Johnny to not take Ten home. “Men are trash, honey,” the blonde suddenly spoke, “Don’t fall for any of them.” “Did you get dumped?” You tried to act like you didn’t exactly knew what must have happened. “Can’t get dumped if you aren’t dating,” Ten chirped, smoothing out a wrinkle in his silky blouse, “But something similar.” “I’m sorry.” “No need to be darling, I’ll just annoy Kun a little more, maybe he’ll actually pop a vein these days,” he giggled mischievously. “Be nice to him, he seems like an actual sweetheart,” you said while slipping on your jacket and picking up your bag. “He is, darling. But where’s the fun in that?” Ten held the door open for you and followed you back to the main room. “Be safe on your way home.” “Jaehyun is waiting outside for me,” you admitted, suddenly feeling shy under Ten’s intense gaze. “So that’s why Johnny wouldn’t take me with him,” he grinned. “No, no that’s not it. He just offered to walk me home,” you stuttered to explain yourself. It wasn’t like what Ten thought it was, right? Oh god. Not that Jaehyun was expecting anything now. He just had asked to walk you home though. Was it a code word for something you didn’t know? “I’m sure he only has the most noble motives,” the barkeeper snickered, “Go, don’t let prince charming wait for too long.” With that he waved you off, walking over to where Kun was wiping a table to drape his body over the other’s back, probably complaining about being dumped. But Kun didn’t seem to mind a whole lot, judging by the smile that tugged on the corners of his lips.

After you had barely escaped Xuxi’s suffocating goodbye hug, you stepped outside into the cold night, taking a deep breath. It was quiet for a Friday night but that might have just been the time. Worried you looked around when you couldn’t see Jaehyun’s broad figure anywhere. Did he ditch you? That didn’t seem like him. Curious you looked into the little ally beside the bar where the dumpsters were. At first you couldn’t make out anything in the dark but when your eyes had adjusted, you could make out a figure, no two, in the dark. One of them was wearing a familiar leather jacket with way too many buckles and straps to be convenient. The man was clinging to the second, unmoving figure and the whole scene made Goosebumps break out all over your body.

“J-Jaehyun?” you stuttered, your bag falling from your shoulder, landing on the concrete with a soft thud. As if he was electrocuted, the man with the dark clothes shoved the limp body he was holding onto just a second ago away from him, but no sound left the other man’s lips, nor did his facial expression change in any way. “I can explain this,” Jaehyun said, his lips a deep red and smeared with what seemed to be blood and eyes wide, tinted a bright crimson. You felt a shiver run down your spine, the scream that had been stuck in your throat threatening to spill now. But before it could rip free, a palm was pressed over your lips and your body collided with Jaehyun’s solid frame. “Please don’t scream,” he whispered in your ear which made all the hairs on your neck stand up. What was happening? Why was there blood on Jaehyun? Has his eyes changed color? How did he get across to you within the blink of an eye? What was with the other person? In a panic, your eyes scanned the alleyway and another muffled scream ripped from your throat when you saw that the man was still unmoving even though he was bleeding from a wound in his neck. “Please,” Jaehyun begged, his voice sounding strained, “Let me explain this, don’t hate me.” Being pressed so close to him, you couldn’t help but notice that his chest wasn’t moving in the slightest like it should if he was breathing. What was happening? Panic began to rise inside you and you felt like you were suffocating, your lungs not getting enough oxygen with Jaehyun’s palm pressed over your mouth. Panicking, you grabbed his wrist and let your nails dig into his skin, but the skin didn’t break. Desperate, you tried to get more air into your lungs, meeting his eyes in a silent plea. “Please don’t scream,” Jaehyun repeated firmly before he slowly freed your mouth, but kept holding you close.

You heaved a couple of heavy breaths, feeling the panic slowly disappear but your heart kept beating furiously, the adrenaline coursing through your veins making you dizzy. “Let me take care of this and I’ll explain everything, I promise,” Jaehyun spoke once your breathing had somewhat evened out. “I’ll release you now, don’t run away.” Your voice was still lost somewhere, so you just nodded. After confirming with a nod himself, he slowly uncurled from you and walked over to the other man who was still in a daze, staring straight ahead. “You will walk home now and not remember anything that happened from the moment you saw me approach you,” Jaehyun spoke to him, looking into his eyes intensely and if your own eyes weren’t playing a trick on you, Jaehyun’s eyes had turned a bright crimson color. He leaned into the other man again where his neck was still bleeding and when the man turned to leave and walk away, the area was clean. Instead Jaehyun’s lips were smeared with blood that he quickly wiped into his shirt. “What the fuck, Jaehyun?” You whispered, your voice sounding raw as if you hadn’t spoken in hours.

“I can explain this,” he repeated again, turning his palms towards you in surrender when he walked back over. “How can you explain this? You- That- That man was straight up hypnotized and behaved like an actual puppet. And that blood. This is crazy. I’m dreaming. That’s it right? Or someone must have slipped me something in the bar and I’m tripping right now. Because this looks an awful lot like you just sucked that guy’s blood like you’re a vampire and that’s crazy. Vampires aren’t real. And I’ve seen you walk around in the middle of the day. But then again, your hands are always cold and I couldn’t even scratch you with my nails and you have mad reflexes,” you started to spiral, the words just falling from your lips. “Hey, take a breath. A deep breath, here,” Jaehyun softly spoke, gently taking your hands and pressing the palms on his chest, taking a deep breath himself.   Even though you tried to breathe with him to calm down, you couldn’t help but notice that his fingers weren’t as cold as they had been before and that you couldn’t feel his heartbeat despite the fact that your palm was sitting right over his heart, just separated by his thin black shirt from the skin. “You… You don’t have a heartbeat,” you whispered, your eyes searching his that were a perfectly normal deep brown shade now while you pressed your palms down on his chest harder. “I don’t,” he spoke carefully, scanning your features for any changes, “I haven’t had one for a while.” “You aren’t breathing right now.” “I don’t need to. I keep forgetting.” “You… You’re forgetting to breathe?” “I usually do when I’m around humans but sometimes I forget.” “You say that as if you’re not…” You couldn’t finish the sentence, it was too absurd. “As if I’m not human myself? I’m not. Not anymore.” “Then what are you?” “You’ve said it before, I’m a vampire,” he confessed.

“A vampire…” You repeated dumbfounded. It made sense, everything was adding up but this couldn’t be the explanation. Vampires were just made up. “And the others are too, they’re my coven. That’s why I didn’t want Johnny to talk to you.” “Would he have..?” Your eyes widened and one of your hands flew to your neck, covering where your pulse was fluttering beneath the skin. “I’m not going to hurt you, I could never,” Jaehyun whispered when he saw the fear in your eyes, gently cupping your face as if to prove his point. “I like you way too much to hurt you. And I won’t let anyone of the others even lay a finger on you.” Your eyes immediately flew to his lips that were still stained red when he leaned in even closer so you would be able to feel his breath mingling with yours if he was breathing. “I really want to kiss you right now, is that stupid?” The vampire whispered. “Don’t hurt me,” you whispered back, letting your eyes fall shut. “I could never,” he breathed before brushing his lips against yours in a chaste kiss that send sparks through your whole body. When Jaehyun felt you relax against him, your fingers uncurling from his shirt, he kissed you again, firmer this time, wrapping his arms tight around you as if he was afraid that you would disappear.

When you felt your head start to get light, you gently tapped his strong chest and he immediately retreated, looking at you with a worried expression. “One of us still needs to breathe,” you giggled breathless. “I’m sorry,” he smiled, carding his fingers through your hair, just watching you breathe for a moment, losing himself in your eyes.

“I have another secret to tell you,” Jaehyun broke the silence, his dimpled smile lighting up his face. “I don’t think you can shock me anymore,” you smiled back. “I didn’t actually kill any of the plants I bought. I just needed to have a reason to keep seeing you. Our house looks like a jungle.” You couldn’t stop giggling, leaning into his (not moving) chest that rumbled with his low chuckle. “You’re cute,” you smiled, snaking your arms around his waist below his jacket, somehow not even missing the warmth that bodies usually gave off. “Shut up,” he chuckled, wrapping you up in a tight hug. “You want to know something else?” You whispered into his chest after a while. The vampire just hummed, gently swaying you. “I looked up what the rose meant that you bought when you first came into the shop… You wanna know what it stands for?” Jaehyun hummed again. “It stands for immortality.” This time it was Jaehyun who was laughing, holding your body tighter to steady himself.

[uwua3]

hi! first off, congrats on the new blog!! i read that misumi piece and i really enjoyed it hehe,, if it's alright, may i request some domestic fluff with kazunari? mayb looking over old photo albums of each other from when they were kids and laughing and telling stories about what happened in the photos? thank you very much and i hope u have a nice day :D

hi!!! this made me so happy 🥺 thank you so much, i hope to keep this blog running for a long time! also, i saw your reblog of my jealousy hcs and i wanted to say thank you for your sweet comments!!! i go back to it whenever i need motivation, you inspire me to keep writing ♡ thank you! i hope to continue making you proud as a writer :D <3

summary: kazunari had to stop living in the past and make new memories outside of his yearbooks with you

author’s note: this is definitely a much happier piece than my others! this was refreshing to write and i treasure it dearly, it’s definitely much more on the humorous side! no angst today, folks!!! (ok just a little, but it’s barely noticeable!)

this is just a little look into a hoarder named kazunari and his sentimental, nostalgic personality ♡ i, myself, am a marie kondo supporter so i love decluttering! if you are a hoarder like kazunari, honestly go you! you keep those knick knacks that remind you of memories! do whatever makes you the happiest :D

word count: 2,151

music: make you mine – public, tongue tied – grouplove (this song is so Kazunari !!!)

nostalgia.

🌻🎨 miyoshi kazunari

it was that time of year again

kazunari hated spring cleaning with a passion. so what if his art supplies were all over the dorms? he knew where everything was! uh, mostly...

(if you ignore his daily panicked house searches which kept everyone up way too late if he couldn’t locate a very specific paint shade for a big project he definitely procrastinated)

so, it took, so much bribery to get kazunari to even consider cleaning out his entire dorm room

(muku was a very Good Boy and already had his side of the room perfectly dusted and organized)

yes, you had to promise to pose as a model for one of his paintings one day (hopefully, not the type of class you were thinking) (kazunari’s suggestive wink didn’t help)

the thing about kazunari was he was somewhat of a, putting it politely, hoarder

as an extremely sentimental person, it would take the whole mankai company to even force him to throw something away

(“no! it has a special meaning to me! i remember what happened when i got this~” kazunari would whine, holding the useless item between his hands with no intentions to ever look at it again)

so the boys employed you to be kazunari’s rational judgement when cleaning that day

(“please actually make him do something.” sakyo looked like he was on the border of begging; kazunari’s abundance of random knick knacks and shopaholic addiction problem was becoming an issue that affected everyone)

rule #1 of cleaning kazunari’s storage room: don’t open anything because kazunari will become very sentimental and nothing will get gone

so therefore, as a team, you two tackled the rather spotless room. the interior was minimal and modern, just like kazunari liked it with pops of color here and there

(he had one blank white wall and you realized it was the backdrop he used to film all his social media posts [dancing tik toks, fashion #ootds on instagram, daily vlogs on his growing youtube channel])

at first, you were confused where all his stuff went until you opened a closet against his terrible and unconvincing distractions

without time to react, you found yourself buried in tens of books you couldn’t even fathom how it all fit

(“i’ve played way too much tetris.” kazunari would admit later on when asked about his immaculate stacking)

“you’ve got to be kidding me!” you groaned, pushing your head above the surface of book covers that have either never been opened or were way too old to even be functionable

“i’m sorry~ please, forgive me!” kazunari pleaded, immediately pulling you out of his own mess and using all his cuteness to make you roll your eyes fondly at your best friend

you almost started ranting at him about the dangers of taking up too much closet space with useless items before you realized:

wait! stop! he’s trying to get you to forget about throwing these books out! you thought suddenly, crossing your arms as you stared at the pile, trying to figure out how to approach the situation

“you cannot distract me. we are going through this mound and you will be getting rid of something today.” you ordered, seeing his shoulders drop in defeat as he nodded solemnly, but accepting his fate without any arguments. thank god for that

you two bent down and organized all the books into categories. popular photography instruction guides, creative advice columns, and all his past art textbooks kazunari couldn’t sell were put into a seperate group because luckily, they were relevant to his art school

things like old newspapers with funny comics were recycled (you refused to let kazunari read them in fear of invoking some form of nostalgia) (also because he had the whackiest sense of humor ever and would die laughing)

it was going well, until you reached the thickest photo books of them all (you had almost forgotten what you and kazunari’s school mascot was)

but unsurprisingly, kazunari had every single yearbook from each year of his education all the way until his last year in high school piled high to his chest

even he looked somewhat shocked from his mass accumulation from his teen years

“ah! i’m so old now~ look at all this! what else can i do except die?!” kazunari dramatically flopped onto his bed, tired of lifting so much weight. hey! his arms weren’t meant for exercise, he was a painter!

lifting his head to see you were distracted from alphabetically sorting the first section lovingly dubbed, “art shit”, kazunari mischeviously grinned as he leaned down to snatch a random yearbook

flipping to a random page, kazunari smiled as he realized it was the first time he ever met you back in elementary

kazunari sang your name as he sat upwards, having a shit–eating look on his face as he started swinging his legs back and forth

oh no, he was up to something no good, you knew it but humored him anyways

“yes, kazu?” you turned your line of sight to the most horrible picture possible: you with the ugliest haircut in the entire world with kazunari’s black hair taking up the entire photo as you two sheepishly smiled for the camera. it was not a proud moment

okay, maybe it wasn’t that bad, you just couldn’t help but shriek at the sight of your hair

“oh my god! you can’t just jumpscare me like that!” you laughed despite yourself. you knew you had to be serious and focused on decluttering, but one look at your past made you remember all the good times before so–called “adulthood”

“look at your hair!” you cackled, reaching up to playfully yank at his mullet as he yelped and lightly smacked your hand away. rubbing the back of his neck, kazunari huffed childishly and pouted like he was back in his youth

“come on! this was the pinnacle moment i realized, i should not be a hair dresser.” kazunari commented, making you remember how you just let a random 8–year–old boy waddle up to you with safety scissors and advertise his salon business like a professional

(yes, you bought into it right away. your teacher had a heart attack when she saw you with a majority of your hair on the floor and kazunari keeping small talk like an actual hair stylist)

thinking back after the haircut incident, you weren’t allowed to chat with the funny class clown anymore as you were forced to wear a hat every day

(it was either that or go completely bald to fix the job kazunari did to your head)

it wasn’t until you received a very creative and colorful apology letter with tons of sad faces drawn with waxy crayons that you snuck out to play with him on the swings in recess

“i can’t believe we became friends because i wanted free hair cuts for the rest of my life.” you added, staring at the picture with a sense of nostalgia. you kinda got where kazunari was coming from, memories were fun to look at every once and a while

at least, eleven years worth of memories after being inseperable from that moment forward

(maybe, you should’ve held onto it, you thought, not knowing that would be the first of many art pieces you would be gifted by him)

kazunari knew he won. excited, he dropped down to lay on his stomach as you leaned against the bed, watching as he thumbed through the pages with ease, leaning his head on yours comfortably

it was rare to find kazunari quiet, he must’ve been like this all the time when going through his stuff, you thought, at peace for once

lazily smiling, kazunari put his finger against your yearbook pictures as he reminisced on the past. something about everyone ever in your grade, how kazunari knew everyone and had a special memory with each person, no matter how big or small

“—and here, the teacher somehow caught a pic of us swinging wayyy too high for kids our age!” kazunari laughed, breaking your train of thought as you snickered at the absolute joy radiating from both your faces as you two competed to see who could reach the clouds

(kazu won. you fell off right after and had to get picked up from your parents after badly scraping your knee. it took another sorry letter and art of you two holding hands with a heart for your parents to forgive kazunari)

“let’s go back.” you interrupted him, making him sit up confused as you swung your keys out from your back pocket. it didn’t take any convincing for kazunari to nod right away and took the elementary yearbook into his arm

you two only had to exchange a secret look before formulating a plan to sneak out, leaving music on from kazunari’s speakers to act like kazunari was still cleaning

you two giggled amongst yourselves before clambering into your car, speeding off and laughing loudly from your successful getaway. the manager was none the wiser!

during the short car ride, you and kazunari played your favorite mixtape of all time

(“you kept this?!” kazunari yelled, giddily bouncing up and down from excitement when he discovered the mixtape stash)

he slipped the disc in as you two yelled along to childhood favorites with the windows rolled down, letting the entire neighborhood know the best duo were back in town

(seriously, there were so many you stashed away in your glove department. all labeled in sharpie with compelling titles connected to the inside jokes only you two found funny)

arriving at the destination, you two exited the vehicle to see the play pen was abandoned as the teaching staff went home for the day

the sun was setting and it felt like the playground was in another rift of time as you approached it, hearing the weak movement of the swings going back and forth on their own. you sat down, holding onto the chains. you hadn’t been back ever since you graduated. it hadn’t changed at all

kazunari opened the elementary yearbook back to the original page, pulling out his tripod and phone he always had on hand in his backpack as he set it up right across the swing set

“what are you doing?” you inquired, tilting your head as he fumbled around pressing different buttons and filters too complex for you to remember

looking up, kazunari grinned as he set a timer for 10 seconds before sprinting back to the swing next to you

“swing contest right now! i bet i could swing higher than you ever could!” kazunari challenged childishly, quickly kicking his legs for the momentum. you narrowed your eyes, refusing to lose as you two laughed over the sound of his phone taking a burst of photos

you realized what he was doing. he was re–creating your memories together

but you turned to look at him and your heart skipped a beat. you never remembered him looking this, different, in the purple lighting. for a flashing moment, you swore you saw the silhoutte of his black–haired, child self sit next to you before you blinked and saw him. kazunari was the same, just older now

you slowed down your swing by dragging your sneakers against the wood chipped ground. you grabbed both the swings’ chains to hold them together

you didn’t want to live in the past anymore. you wanted to grow up with him, too

“what—” kazunari started, matching your pace before being cut off by your lips against his, the phone going off for one last time

you pulled yourself in close enough just to smile. he smelled the exact same as he did when he discovered cologne for the first time. he never changed

you pulled away first even if he tried leaning forward for more, like he was waiting all these years just for that one moment. like he saw you in the same light, too

“i wanted to do that for years.” you confessed, watching as he took your hand carefully, like he was afraid you were going to leave. for once, he didn’t know what to do, which face to show

“me too...” kazunari agreed, seemingly speechless before straightening his back, like he was about to run away. the hair on your neck stood up, what was he about to do?

“i promise i won’t cut your hair anymore, unless?” kazunari winked dramatically, mimicking the shape of scissors with his fingers as he tried snipping at your hair

he laughed as you shoved him with all your might, hopping off the swing to chase him throughout the school parking lot

now this was a memory kazunari would never throw away, no matter what

(no one thought the two of you escaped until kazunari posted the pics on his instagram, both of you getting a scolding from sakyo this time)

(busted!)

[amphtaminedreams]

A/W 2020 Fashion Month: Before Vogue Went Blank

Hi to anyone reading,

I’m sorry this post is so late! I really have no excuse apart from all my mental energy being taken up by shooting and editing my Euphoria lookbook up until now and me being too much of a lazy, nap-loving twat to face the mammoth task of a fashion month review; honestly, by the time it’s done, it’s like a dissertation-level amount of characters, so let’s say the final push to get this out is in sympathy with all my 3rd year friends I started uni with finishing their ACTUAL dissertations.

Things have got scary since I originally started saving the photos for this post, and the world has been turned upside down. In response to the COVID-19 pandemic, the likes of which have not been seen since the Spanish Flu, Italian Vogue’s April cover was blank. As I’m writing this, 26,000+ people have died of coronavirus in Italy, the worst affected country behind the U.S in terms of sheer numbers ( though quick update: as I post this, I’m pretty sure our incompetent prick of a PM has made sure we’re up there too). Proportionally, the actual death rate is even higher, along with a handful of other European countries. There have been some complaints made about the cover and it’s supposed “lack of imagination”; all I know is that in a country whose death toll accounts for 10% of worldwide coronavirus deaths, something of a visual silence feels appropriate. 

That being said, for me, writing is one of the only things giving me a sense of purpose right now. Yeah, surprise surprise, working in a grocery store isn’t all that fulfilling. Who would’ve thought it? So what better time to reflect on a time when all the rich people of the world were going about their lives as usual and sitting front row at fashion week rather than crying on Instagram live to their millions of followers about how trapped they feel in their 10 bedroom mansions.

I’ve got to say, this year’s A/W offerings were a lot better than I expected, mostly due to the fact that I’m not generally a big fan of winter fashion; it’s hard to be disappointed given my preconceptions! There’s only so many knits and coats and jeans you can see before it begins to get a bit tiring, and I expected that to be reflected in the presentations. Fortunately, even the brands which are known for their bohemian, Coachella-esque collections generally managed to translate that into something recognisable and consistent on the runway whilst actually being weather appropriate. Of course, there were a few disappointments-I’m sure if I say one of them begins with D, you can guess which brand I’m talking about-but that was more than made up for by the standouts. Gucci in particular was my 2013 Tumblr wet dream and the Moschino show was what I can only describe as a live continuation of Sofia Coppola’s Marie Antoinette, though I’ll stop with my praise there and wait til I get to actually reviewing before I go overboard with kissing Alessandro Michele’s ass. And on that note, in chronological order, I’ll get one with the reviews! First up, Acne:

Continuing on a winning streak when it comes to catering to my personal preferences (if someone tries to tell me designers don’t care about my personal preferences I’m going to whack out that “just found out the world doesn’t revolve around me, shocked and upset” Marina Diamandis tweet), Acne once again channels futuristic hippy commune living in a dystopian wasteland. I know, those are very specific personal preferences

I love the shredded hems and the burnt velvet, the rawness of it all, and the baroque/your-nan’s-wallpaper patterns are actually a surprisingly nice touch. I imagine if Giselle from Enchanted had to make her dresses out of a thrifty goth’s curtains rather than an upper-middle-class New Yorker’s, they’d look something like this collection. You’ve even got the odd bit of classic fresh Scandi tailoring in there with the oversized coats and blazers which holds it back from being a bit TOO flea market. Plus, the renaissance painting detailing on the black leather-look coat is a stunning detail as well; I’m so glad it seems this trend is here to stay, why wouldn’t I want random nude bodies all over my clothes? 

As for the styling, I can’t get enough of the tousled hair. As an eternally tired person who can't be arsed to pick up a brush most of the time, I feel represented. Along with the outfits, it says “I’m an art student/transient painter in the 70s living in a city loft who smokes a lot of weed and does acid on the regular” and that is a life worth manifesting.

Alberta Ferretti was dreamy, and a perfect example of how to translate the bohemian aesthetic of their S/S show to A/W. Somehow despite the furs, ruffles (pussy-bows under tailored jackets and knits/generally heavier pieces always looks really chic imo), tulle, metallic tapestry style prints and chunky jewellery, it all still looks very effortless, like a natural continuation of what we saw last summer; the typically masculine structure of the oversized suits with the ornate patterns and the accessories lends to the careful navigation along the line where maximalism and minimalism meet, the looks as practical as they are decorative. Picture it: you work some high-flying, powerful job in the city, commute on a motor cycle and roll up in one of these suit sets. This collection is for the edgy businesswoman who is completely comfortable telling all the twattish males she works with where to stick it and I want to be her. 

The evening gowns are, of course, stunning too. In this analogy where I am a powerful businesswoman and not a pushover who works at a grocery store right now and only beefs with rude customers, I would be wearing one of them to the boujie work Christmas party. The ruffled dresses remind me of something Valentino would put out with the colour palette and the ruffles, and whilst we’re on the topic of colour palettes, this one is beautiful. The lilac and hot pink is SO right.

Though predictable, Alessandra Rich is just as much of a treat as usual, the first brand you’d go to if you were styling a throwback it-girl, Chanel Oberlin in Scream Queens if it took place 30 years earlier. Reminiscent of an amalgamation of vintage Chanel and Versace, there are so many cute details I love here, from the white tights with the black heels and the double breasted blazers to the gold chainlink belts and the pearls. The tartan suits with the shoulder padding are very Heathers, the prints the best of your mum’s 80s wardrobe, and nobody else out there is doing bows as well as this; these are the outfits that prissy bitch wears in the cartoons of my childhood that turn out to actually be quite good fashion inspo 15 years later, Trixie Tang from Fairly Odd Parents I’m looking at you. 

This girl was the blueprint. 

I think someone like Lilly Collins or Daphne Groeneveld would be an ideal fit for any of these looks, or Lana Del Rey if she wanted to stop serving us middle-aged suburban soccer mom and took us back to those H&M ad campaign days. Lana stans please don’t come for me for saying that, I am one of you; I say this because I love her. It’s all altruistic. 

Whilst I admittedly didn’t love it as much as last summer’s, I really enjoyed the Alexander McQueen collection too, plus I had a better idea of what to expect this time round; no, we’re not gonna get a repeat of the Plato’s Atlantis show but we do always get some beautiful pieces. Again, like with Alberta Ferretti, this seems like a natural continuation of what we saw in the summer, just with adjustments made for the colder, darker, and altogether moodier months. A/W being the gothier older sister of S/S, it seems right that a lot of the looks turn their back on the ethereal, almost fairy-like feel of what we saw before and embrace the vampier side, reds and blacks (the ultimate Bratz Rock Angels colour combination), plenty of dramatic structures and formidable suit sets. It’s punk but it’s classy, and even with the lighter pieces, we’ve got the grunge inspired harnesses on top to contrast with the elegance and effectively, toughen the whole look up, something Gucci does well too. 

The patterned suits with the clunky boots in particular are very cool and I need a gun metal grey heart detailing harness, but undoubtedly the MOMENT of this collection is Adut Akech in what appears to be a silver chainmail dress. She looks like an Amazonian goddess, and whilst I could never dream of pulling something like that off myself, I could happily admire her in it for hours.

There wasn’t much to get excited about at Altuzarra. The collection was very elegant for sure and the feathered belts are cute but it was all quite pedestrian and nothing new-the only detail I really like is the cut out on the second dress from the left, 3rd row down.

As for Anna Sui:

I’m not altogether sure why I wanted to review it. A lot of the outfits as a whole are a bit messy, and not in that avant-garde, expensive-looking Margiela kind of way, just in a “how many fabrics can we possibly get on this model” kind of way. Plus, the styling seems weirdly outdated-a lot of the jewellery looks like the kind of thing you’d see if you searched “gothic choker” on Ebay and ordered the results from low to high, and the makeup and hair in particular is very 2012 Tumblr fashion blogger. Backcombed hair and red lipstick? We’ve got a Zoella thumbnail on our hands.

When the collection did go down the bohemian route though (and when that route wasn’t a failed attempt at what Etro does a lot better), there were a few nice pieces and prints. I mean you really can’t go wrong with a teal fur trimmed coat.

Ashish, on the other hand, took their aesthetic from a similar era and did it a lot more creatively and kookily; this collection looks a lot more deserving of being on a runway. The prints are so loud and costume-y that at times the garments risk looking like something you’d wear at a decades themed dress up party, but they’re saved by understated and much more commercial silhouettes, plus some gorgeous hair and make up. On the whole, very groovy, unintentional disco queen, despite the few risks that didn’t quite pay off.

Next is a brand I always look forward to. In the words of Myrtle Snow:

BALENCIAGA!

Seriously though, if any brand knows how to blend costume and high fashion, it’s them. They take over-the-top, almost absurd silhouettes and turn them into theatre. This year we’re taking it in the direction of Phantom of the Opera, I guess? Dracula? The Woman in Black? An off-broadway production of Harry Potter where Snape is the protagonist? Whatever the direction of the collection is, I live for the dramatics of it all. Demna Gvasalia got these models walkin’ down the runway like they’re members of the Volutri, which is a reference you should all understand given the renaissance Twilight is having online atm.

Straight off the bat, I adore the staging, and all the models are exquisite-the theme of the show was climate change, and I always love when there’s a story behind the presentation of the clothes. I can’t imagine how amazing this must have been to witness in person, though I’m guessing equal parts mystical and intimidating. There are so many things I love here: billowing coats, cinched in waists, the pattens that are sprinkled sparingly in amongst the black, and the bloody shoulder pads that almost run PARALLEL to the model’s necks. This is really a collection that Myrtle Snow would be proud of and brb whilst I get rid of my padlock necklaces in favour of putting whatever meagre amount I can get for them on Depop towards a Balenciaga padlock belt (as if, lol, I don’t even think selling my soul would cover it).

And then there’s Balmain, which isn’t always the fashion critic’s favourite, but which I do tend to like. 

I mean there are some really good takeaways here-though the 80s inspired suit, as wearable as they are, can get a little repetitive, they are staples which here seem to pave the way for Olivier Rousteing to try something new for the brand. The moulded breast plates (reminiscent of the Tom Ford one Zendaya wore though I’m not sure which came first!), for example, along with the Matador-style capes and the flowing silk dresses are the most glamorous incarnation of Lara Croft one can possibly imagine, probably just as equally suited for a Roman goddess as they are for an Assassins Creed style action heroine. And yes, I am aware of the fact that Tomb Raider and Assassins Creed are two separate games, okay!  I just don’t know enough about the visuals of either to firmly plant this collection in the camp of either one, so I’m going down the crossover route with it!

Not to say there weren’t any bad choices-I omitted a good portion of the looks that were shown; there were definitely pieces that I found to be a little tacky, particularly a recurring chain print which has got to be one of my least favourite patterns out there. Overall, though, it’s gonna be the richly coloured art-deco prints, the wet-look boots and the gem-encrusted scorpion brooch which stick with me, so I’ll let it slide. 

Bottega Veneta was very meh; even of the looks I picked out, there are a lot I’m now looking back at and wishing I hadn’t included. Some of the men’s pieces are nice, sure, and I feel like one of those vaguely sick, victorian ghost looking male celebrities everyone obsesses over (Timothée Chalamet and Dane DeHaan I’m looking at you) would make those suits on the second row look fine af, but it’s mostly the womenswear that I’m here for and on this occasion it wasn’t great. A couple of the coats are nice and that’s about it. Like I really had to act as if the tassels weren’t there on a lot of the clothes and go from there because I really don’t like them in this context and if I was to veto looks purely on one of the garments having tassels, there’d be nothing to show or reference when giving my opinion on the show. They were EVERYWHERE. In a summer collection, done right, they can be a nice detail but here they just feel unnecessary and if I’m being honest, are quite ugly. 

Thank god for Brock taking the sour Bottega Veneta tassel taste out of my mouth. Never a let down. Literally, everything they put out sends me into a daze of imagining I’m in some romantic drama wearing one of the pieces, in a man’s idea of “no makeup”, running round in a field looking forlorn and windswept because my ghostly lover has-

Okay, you get the picture. I’ve never read Wuthering Heights, but it goes something like that, right? If not, lets just say envisioning myself in any of these catapults me straight into some period drama where I’m born into wealth and sit by my mansion window looking sad all the time and writing poetry and lusting over some stuffy upper-class man I can’t have and who is probably played by Colin Firth because I’m pretty sure that’s what happens in most of them (about to enrage my future English lit undergraduate sister with that line).

Nobody does modest, muted sexy to such a masterful degree. I mean, when Maison Marigela did face veils I was just mildly afraid, but here they’re subtle enough that they’re quite beautiful and almost other-worldly, acting as some kind of boundary between this world and the past that Brock aims to recapture through its designs-the red lip popping out from underneath is a perfect touch too. I don’t like it AS much as the summer collection but I would say that’s solely on the basis of the more autumn/winter appropriate colour scheme and the heavier fits, which is just a personal preference. I mean, I’m usually not a fan of empire waistlines at all and Brock even manages to make that work.

Burberry this season was a real mixed bag, mostly due to the styling. There are some really gorgeous, London back alley vintage shop looking pieces, especially the 70s style coats, reminiscent of outerwear a slimy record exec would've worn back in the day repurposed by someone like Alexa Chung or Zoe Kravitz or whichever effortlessly cool woman it is we all want to be-also the private boy’s school rugby gear looking shit is classic Burberry and I’m a fan of that, even though it’s not the most inventive or exciting. I just don’t get why there had to be SO much ill-fitting plaid over ill-fitting plaid. Again, like with Bottega Veneta, I thought the menswear was a lot stronger; whilst I wasn’t really wowed by anything, it seemed a lot less forced, whereas a few of the womenswear looks gave me the vibe of a design team desperately grasping onto some ill-conceived ideas of street style and relevancy. 

The design team at Carolina Herrera for example, know their niche. They never try to be something they’re not, always sublimely preppy and pretty and predictable-when it comes to target market, the bag is reliably secured. Laid- back princess dresses never get old for those constantly “summering” in one expensive coastal town or another, for the rich American moms attending charity galas and the Spencer Hastings and Blair Waldorfs of the world; women with glossy hair and fresh faces who act as if they woke up looking like that polished but are actually anal as hell and take 2 hours to get ready and would NEVER, I repeat NEVER, shit in a public toilet. 

Yes, I managed to worm toilet habits into a review of a Carolina Herrera collection. I’m sorry. Enough with the pearl clutching. 

Next is Celine:

I mean, when there are THIS many looks, it’s hard not to find something you like, and though VERY predictable and verging on lazy when you’re putting out the same shit every collection, Celine’s aesthetic is so similar to my own ideal style, it’s hard to be mad at it. That being said, a lot of the pieces, as per usual, came across as cheap YSL knock offs; the overall outfits are cute, but the more you look at the details-it particularly pained me to include a metal bow belt and an ill-fitting velvet skater skirt but I liked the rest of the outfits-the worse it gets. Please, PLEASE someone drive it home to Hedi Slimane, I’m begging you: QUALITY NOT QUANTITY. I get what he’s going for, 70s hipster Jane Birkin is a vision I can very much get behind, but not when it seems to be so rushed.

With the men’s looks, you can get away with it a lot more; when so much of menswear is so plain and unchanging, the slightest hint of Mick Jagger is enough to make a outfit edgy. But even then, I still feel like we’re seeing a load of variations of the same outfit. There are always some pieces that catch my eye, this time round the capes and the velvet blazers, and I would wear most of these things, sure, however I don’t think the combinations SHOULD necessarily look like something I’d personally put together; a runway collection is supposed to be aspirational and cutting edge, not pedestrian (entirely intentional self-drag, lol). Also, side note, the lack of diversity really bothered me. 111 looks and not one of these models has a body type that is naturally achievable for most people. It’s 2020 for fuck’s sake. I’m tired.

SO, let’s liven things up a bit with the Central Saint Martins collection, a breath of fresh air in terms of diversity (though a few more plus-size models would be nice):

As a former University of London student, I hate to heap praise upon them. If you’ve studied in London as well, you’ll know CSM students are ANNOYING. I mean, I’m sure they’re lovely as individuals but you can’t fully understand the meaning of the word pretentious until you’ve seen a group of them at a Uniqlo Tate Late. That being said, they are very good at what they do and I’m so glad that Vogue Runway includes them; this is what Off-White thinks it is, and really it makes sense that a bunch of current fashion students are able to come together to present one of the most experimental and forward-thinking shows of this season. 

And let’s talk about the RANGE. From catsuits worthy of comic book heroes to  dresses Twiggy would’ve worn in a 1960s editorial, every subgenre of fashion has been fully delved into here. Whilst we’ve got the adrogyny of the suits and suspenders combo and kitschy gender-bending co-ords David Bowie would be proud of, at the other end of the scale we’ve also got models walking down the runway dressed like wood nymphs or some other kind of siren-like creatures. There’s looks that wouldn’t be out of place in a Gucci or Come Des Garcons collection but at that same time would be equally at home in a Berlin techno club. 

Honestly, credit where credit’s due-it was a really interesting show and I wouldn’t expect anything less.

Chanel was quite literally the polar opposite of the CSM show. 

Very blah. 

It’s crazy because before you properly get INTO fashion, Chanel is like the epitome of style. And then you do, and you see the runway shows get lazier and lazier (with some exceptions) every year, and you realise that same prestige that had you aware of Chanel at the age of 7 or 8 is literally all that’s keeping the brand going at this point. I’m not saying the collection is flat out ugly, a lot of it’s cute, but you’re CHANEL for fuck’s sake. Yeah, I like the crucifixes but SCALLOPED HEMS!? No. I do NOT recall travelling back in time to witness Primark’s Spring 2013 collection on the runway and I am NOT having it.

It’s not at all surprising that a lot of the time newer brands Charlotte Knowles (above) tend to be more interesting than those more established-and yes that was a Chanel indirect if the transition wasn’t obvious.

With no room to rest on laurels or reputation, everything has to be bolder and smarter and more distinctive and most importantly, has to appeal to its target market with the fervour of an L.A sign spinner. I only found out about Charlotte Knowles because of a Vogue article citing her as Bella Hadid’s new favourite brand to wear, and once I saw the collection, it was clear why; daringly modern, slick, and edgy is both her street style (say what you want about her as a model but her outfit game is unbeaten) and Knowles’ USP to a T. If Dion Lee, Off-White, GCDS and Acne had an orgy, this would be the result, and that is a GOOD compliment.

Next, Chloe:

Not a huge amount to say, to be honest. Low-key, wearable, and cute. Like Emma Roberts’ Nancy Drew if she did an autumn exchange program at the Sorbonne and studied art history, libraries and coffee shops on the weekdays and galleries and protests at the weekend. On reflection, that definitely makes this collection sound more exciting than it is but there are some effortlessly beautiful pieces here. The 4th row in particular is full of stand outs-the vest with the watercolour faces on with the shirt underneath is perfection, and the burgundy suit with the saffron ruffled collar peeking out from underneath is adorable and not at all reminiscent of the Ronald McDonald inspired nightmare that any combination of red and yellow tones should theoretically be.

As for Christian Siriano, I see why people hate it, I really do. I understand that it seems kinda unfair to have it show the same week as Brock and Rodarte and Oscar de La Renta. We’re talking 2 very different kinds of quality here. BUT, at pure face value, his clothes are FUN, plus Coco Rocha will always have a special place in my heart as someone who lived on The Face and America’s Next Top Model and every show that could possibly give me an unhealthy body image ever.

Like are you telling me you wouldn’t wear these dresses to a party!? Live a little. They just need tailoring...which ideally would be done BEFORE the model’s walking down the runway in it but...you know...can’t have it all.

Christopher Kane is a show I always look forward to.

I would say his designs are the only thing that make geometry look fun but I’m going to expose myself and admit that would be a lie because I actually found geometry really fun. Trigonometry was my shit, lol.

He is a designer who perfectly demonstrates that juggling interseasonal consistency and taking risks can be done. There’s always something DIFFERENT about his collections, fresh and subtly experimental. There are occasionally a few misses, sure, but I’d rather that than for a brand to keep playing safe, plus he never goes too far in the opposite direction either; no going weird for the sake of weird. I don’t like it AS much as the summer collection but it’s mostly because of the more muted, autumn/winter appropriate colour palette.

Comme Des Garçons? Too weird?

Never.

Honestly when it comes to a CDG collection, I have to really shift my perspective to appreciate it. I’m not looking at fashion presentation, I’m looking at a moving piece of experimental art. I know, it’s a stretch. But you know you’ll never be bored by one of their shows. Not gonna lie, this specific collection crossed the line into plain ugly a couple of times for me. We had padding so extravagant it looked like several models were walking round with Ikea pillows stuck to their chest and headdresses reminiscent of the kids’ game Headbandz. In amongst that though, we did get some gorgeous veils like the ones seen above and the shoes and socks combo is actually quite wearable.

I’d say Dilara Findikoglu is the cut-off point after which things get a little too avant-garde for my personal taste, and it hovers over that cut-off point flawlessly; despite the other-worldly elements of her collections, they remain somewhat grounded by nods towards conventional fashion that allow the beauty, be it inner or outer, of the wearer to shine through. Comme Des Garcons garments undeniably have character but they tend to swallow up any trace of the individual underneath, whereas the character of Dilara Findikoglu garments seamlessly merges with the wearer and in turn elevates both to something transcendent and ethereal. If the Pussycat Dolls got transported into a rugged, post-apocalyptic future, they’d scrape together these outfits to perform in, I know it; the energy of the collection, with the body jewellery and the frayed cut outs and the chalk white faces, is very warrior princess, just as raw and intimidating as it is hot as fuck, and I want that energy in my life. Along with a Dilara belt, of course. I would wear her name like a badge of honour anytime she wants. Dilara, pls pls let me be part of your tribe. PLEASE.

Anyway, this is where I thought I’d cut things off, so as to end on a positive note. You know what that means: Dior is coming up. I feel bad knowing my first post was defending Maria Grazia and yet here I am now, looking at the bar down on the floor, but I mean, you never know; maybe girl is doing this on purpose and one day she’s gonna come out with a Gucci level quality show like a phoenix from the ashes.

If you got this far, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING even if you’re just here for the pics. Part 2 will be covering some of my most anticipated shows from Elie Saab, Fendi and Etro to Gucci and Moschino, Miu Miu and Marc Jacobs, and everything in between. Yes, the shitty ones too.

I’m plowing through all the material as quick as I can so I hope to get the next post up really soon, and yes-you can count on the overwhelming sense of needing to be productive pushing me into fulfilling that statement. 

Thanks again and I hope you’re well!

Lauren x

[skywatch3rs]

A Sunday mushing adventure

One of the first questions I got from friends about being at a folkehøgskole was what we do on a day off. Often I'll take the opportunity to sleep in; living with a chronic illness means I need to make the most of the time I can rest. However, sometimes I use a free day to go on an adventure!

*** Sunday 17.1.21 – Sledding with Mailin

Sunday is always a free day, so we get to do whatever we want! Normally I have a long lie in, but one of my friends isn’t feeling well, so I’m taking his feeding shift today, so I’m up at 9 to get dressed and head to the dog yard. It’s a balmy -4ºC today, so I’m just wearing one layer of wool underwear under my thick hiking pants and wool sweater, snow boots, hat and gloves. Now that it’s too cold to leave water in the bowls all day, we feed the dogs a soup in the morning to make sure they stay hydrated enough; equal amounts of meat and kibble, mixed in with lots of warm water and left to soak for about 15 minutes while we scoop poop. Tequila and Tibia both pick the kibble out of their soup and then tip their bowls over, and spend the rest of the morning licking at the snow where the meat water spilled over (weirdos). Ami doesn’t like her soup, but happily chews on a ‘meatsicle’– the disk of now-frozen soup that was accidentally left in her bowl overnight.

After plenty of cuddles, the three of us who fed today head back to our dorms to change out of our “dog clothes” before breakfast. I realise this is possibly only the second time ever that I’ve been to breakfast on a Sunday! It’s 2 hours later than on a weekday, at 10am, and I am normally always either already out doing something or still asleep, depending on the weekend.

Today I’m heading over to my friend Mailin’s to run dogs with her at 11, so I change back into my dog clothes, putting on an extra layer of wool. Between the wind and the fact you’re mostly either sitting as a passenger or standing quite still on the runners, it’s always colder when you’re out mushing. For Christmas I got myself a new pair of felted wool boots and overshoes to wear when I mush, because my old snow boots weren’t warm enough for my feet– I have terrible circulation– so I’m excited to try them out for the first time! Mailin is a friend of a friend, and has become an unofficial mentor to me in the past few months. She’s a seasoned musher who lives directly across the road from the school, and most weekends and some weekday afternoons I go over to train the dogs with her. All of last semester we were using either her car or ATV because there wasn’t enough snow, so today is going to be my first sled trip with her! I’m also taking with me several bottles of coca cola and some chocolate, as a thank you for the four bags of mushing gear that no longer fits her that she gave me last week. There were some real gems in there, and I know she won’t accept any money for them, so payment in sugar it is.

Geizzi in her tshirt being used as a chin-rest by Uvja

This morning Mailin wants to take out the puppies on a run; she has 5 pups who are 10 months old now, so they can run shorter distances than the adult dogs. We harness up pups Rajapää and Sorbme along with adult dogs Geizzi, Uvja, Timo, Hulda and Lelu, and Mailin show’s me how to tie a slipknot– her way of securing the sled to a post before we start. At school we use a different system involving pulling a short, thick stick out of two interconnected loops, and I have to say I prefer the slipknot method. One of the incredibly valuable things about training with Mailin has been seeing alternative ways of doing things with the dogs, as it means I have some familiarity wider variety of techniques. Mailin trains her dogs to stay quiet while we harness them up, which means things take a little longer, as every time one of the puppies starts barking, we stop what we’re doing and wait for them to stop again before we continue. Once all the dogs have their harnesses on, we start bringing them up to the line, and that’s when the full force of excited barking is allowed to start. Even after 5 months of mushing, that sound still fills me with a rush of joy and adrenaline.

I settle myself in the sled– I’ve only driven one three times before, so I assume I’ll be a passenger today, though Mailin has said I might be able to drive in the future, which is an absolute honour, considering the standard she has for her dogs, and the trust involved. She pulls the rope to undo the slipknot, and we’re off! I always love training with her dogs, but it is vastly different being a passenger in the sled than sitting in her car with her as we trained the dogs last year. The trail out of her dog yard is bumpy and windy, including a part where we both have to lean as hard as we can to the left, to try not to tip the sled into a ditch as we go up a slope; she wanted to fill it in earlier in the season, but there hasn’t been enough snow to do so. We make it through the bend, and suddenly we are out on the frozen river which marks the border between Norway and Russia. The sun came back yesterday; it rose above the horizon for the first time since November, putting an end to ‘mørketid’ (dark time), and Mailin tells me it’s traditional to make a wish when you see the sun again for the first time. I wish I’d known that yesterday, I would have wished for more snow!

The stunning view from the sled, out on the Pasvik river

Mushing is always beautiful, but today is particularly gorgeous: the dogs running smoothly out on the frozen river, with the most spectacular sunrise/set happening in front of us. I honestly can’t believe this is my life now. Then, as if I wasn’t already feeling like the luckiest person in the world, Mailin asks me if I want to mush. I’m incredulous– she trusts me with this already?! But the trail is smooth and mostly straight, so it’s great for a relative beginner like me. I jump out of the sled, hop on the runners, and off we go again. Immediately, I’m struck by how much better my new boots are than my old ones: they’re wider, so I have more surface area to grip the runners, and thinner and more flexible in the soles, so I can feel what’s under my feet better. My toes stay toasty warm the whole four hours I’m out with Mailin, which is a record.

We mush down the river, past the house of the friend who introduced us, Anne. If I wasn’t terrified of letting go of the sled, I would have taken a picture to send to her, but I settle for just telling her later. Soon, we get to the point where we need to turn the team, which is where things get difficult. I assume Mailin will want to take over again, but she lets me keep driving. We are trying to get the dogs to turn to the left and loop around so we can go back, but our leaders, Geizzi and Uvja, are not having it. Tiny superstar Geizzi pushes Uvja over to the left when Mailin gives her ‘haw’ command, but Uvja just runs over to the next parallel trail, so I have to break, stop the team, and give the command again. We repeat this several times, until eventually Geizzi drags the team around by turning to the right– not what we wanted them to do, but at least we managed to turn the dogs finally! I then add to the slight chaos by not turning the sled fast enough– Mailin’s sled is longer than the ones we use at school– so I crash us into a tussock, and flip the sled for the first time. I’m mortified, both because I have tipped Mailin onto the ice, and because I instinctively let go of the sled when it tipped, something you should never ever do; if you’re alone and you let go, the team will just run off without you. Luckily everyone is fine, and Mailin doesn’t mind: “every musher tips the sled sometimes!”. I’m glad she is nonchalant about this, because a few kilometres later, as we head back towards her dog yard, I tip the sled again into the ditch she navigated so smoothly on the way out. Nevertheless, we make it back to the dog yard in one piece, and Mailin asks me if I want to go out again. I still have 2 hours until dinner, so obviously the answer is yes!

We unhook the dogs, take the two puppies out of their harnesses, and then harness up Roavvi and Koru. The third pup, Biekhan, and adults Toivo, Vandre and Storm had dog chiropractic sessions yesterday (yes, that is a thing!), so they aren’t going to run today, and neither is Ella, who is in heat. I wolf down a square of peanut butter flapjack and half a bottle of soda, then hop back into the sled to head back out onto the river. We take the same route out of the dog yard, and Mailin shows me up again by navigating the ditch perfectly, but she does have more than a decade of experience on me, so I don’t take it too hard. One we make it out onto the river, we turn left instead of right, taking the trail up towards where the river gets narrower, hugging the Norwegian edge of the ice. Just after the 5km turning point, Mailin lets me switch places and drive again, which results in me accidentally letting the team start before I have given them the command to; not a great habit for them to get into, but it is so beautiful out on the river that neither of us can be too annoyed. Mailin takes some pictures of me grinning like a loon while driving, and then I complete the hat trick of sled tips with a third and final plunge into that damned ditch. I really need to practice not letting go when I fall, which means I have to tip the sled more to practice, so at least today was a useful lesson in that!

For some reason, Mailin insisted on hiding under the sled bag while taking a photo of me driving the team

Back at the dog yard, we unharness the puppies, and move the adults back to their houses for a brief snack break of some tasty frozen horse meat. Mailin is going to take the adults out again for another 30km or so after she has a quick lunch, to try and get them up to about 60km today. If she was racing this year she would be doing 300km over the weekend, but with so many young dogs, and no Finnmarksløpet ambitions until 2022, a short 60km is just fine for today. After giving the dogs one last cuddle, we head into the garage for Mailin to find her old mountain skis, which I’m going to borrow for the next couple of months, since skis are so expensive to buy new, and she doesn’t use hers very often. Norwegians don’t really do politeness in the same way Brits do, so I try to reel in my instinct to offer profuse thanks, and just say one short sincere thank you instead.

Skis in hand, I walk back across the road to school, change back into normal clothes, and head to dinner. We have 4 meals a day at school: breakfast, lunch at 11:30, middag (a hot dinner) at 3pm, and kveldsmat (supper) at 7:30. I got used to it last semester, but now that I’ve been back in the UK for Christmas, it feels weird to be eating the biggest meal of the day in the middle of the afternoon. Food at school can be a bit hit and miss, but today it is finbif, one of my favourites! I have kitchen duty this week, so after dinner I head into the kitchen to help with the dishes, which takes me right back to working as a waitress. Finally I have a couple of hours of down time before I need to feed the dogs in the evening, so I re-shave my undercut, shower, call my grandma, and chill out with a book for a bit. Then it’s back to the dog yard, where we feed with just meat in the evening. It snows a little bit, which is sorely needed, as it’s been a bad winter so far. I go back to my dorm, change, head to dinner, do my kitchen duty, and collapse into bed to watch the US men’s nationals figure skating with a couple of friends before I head to sleep, ready for my first normal school day back after Christmas tomorrow!

[leslea]

One Day of Summer

The Covid has done its best to force us to skip past summer. No swimming, no amusement parks, no winery concerts, no summer camp for the kids, no summer sports (wrestling, tennis), no drive-in movies, no summer reading club...

Okay, so there is still a summer reading club, but without the promise of tangible prizes and trips to the library, I can’t get the kids interested. So, it doesn’t count!

However, the good news is, we have remained healthy. We are all working, those of us who are old enough to work. We have a new student driver. Time marches on!

And today, before school starts inexplicably too soon (again), NEXT WEEK, we stole a day of summer.  We got together as a family, all six of us, and had an outing. I chose Schooner Valley Stables in Nashville, IN as the destination. We had a good experience with them a few years ago and we were looking forward to another. I figured it was a low risk environment, since you don’t come into contact with many people, and those you do are wearing masks. The kids were excited to go, so off we went!

After coaxing and prodding all my late risers out the door, we hit the road. The conversation was disgustingly peppered with comments about flatulence and belching (which I refer to as “face farting,” and for once the kids saw the logic in that). We banned the topic, so naturally it kept coming back up. We stopped for snacks in Columbus, Indiana, and then headed west toward Nashville.

When we reached Gnaw Bone, we passed a sign saying “Story, 10 miles” and pointing south, so I impulsively took it, explaining that we would grab lunch in Story and check it out, since we’d never been there. I told the kids it had a General Store, and they were sold! A few minutes later, we encountered construction traffic. 

The kids grew more and more restless as we waited for our turn to drive down the one way country back road, which adjoins Brown County State Park. It is a rural back road, the kind that winds through the hills and the trees and often disappears into gravel. The longer we sat, the more one of the boys complained that he had to go to the restroom. Inexplicably, the conversation turned once again to potty talk, before making a wild right angle into the realm of pot. The same boy who needed to go to the restroom informed us that he thought he saw a lot of marijuana plants ringing a corn field that we’d passed. As he put it, “weed.” He wanted to know how it grew out in a field like that, if it was “supposed” to grow inside under lights. Tim explained that it grows everywhere, which is why it is called a “weed,” and that people who use grow lights are hiding illegal drugs in their basements and trying to not get caught. SO. That ate up a few minutes of the traffic stop. Next piped up the baby of the group, asking if this subject was the same as “the weed for smoking,” followed quickly by my instant regret in letting the conversation go on in the first place.

Now, I know marijuana is legal in much of the country, but it isn’t here, and the last thing I need is her telling her classmates, “What did I do this summer? Oh, I went horseback riding and learned about the weed for smoking.”

On the other hand, I believe in educating my kids. If they want to know what drugs are, I will explain to them what I know, which also goes back to the RISKs of such things. And, truthfully, I don’t know a ton about drugs, per se, but...now the baby knows about as much as I do, so...sigh.

The traffic was stopped for about 20 minutes, which was just about untenable for the kids. I told them about the many times I sat still on the highway trying to get off on an exit to see a concert. I don’t know if concerts even work like that now! It was tough for them to imagine sitting 3 hours in a hot car with no air conditioning. As we waited, the radio played John Mellencamp’s “Cherry Bomb,” because of course it did.

When the road reopened, it was a scenic drive to Story, Indiana, which was sadly closed. THEY HAD A GENERAL STORE! And a restaurant. And wine. *sad face*. We contented ourselves with taking photos in the garden, and headed back to town for food. 

On the way, Tim suggested we avoid the construction and take Horseman’s Camp Road, which just happens to be the road that runs right through Brown County State Park. The hospitable lady at the gate let us cut through, which was quite nice, although I would have been fine paying admission. She told us to look for the signs that said “North Gate,” so every time we passed a sign, multiple people would say “This way,” or “North gate,” or whatever...and at the last minute, Sean would yell, “NORTH GATE!” It instantly became a meme, along with face farting.

ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY DRIVE INTO NORTH GATE!

It sounds very silly, because it was. On our way through the park, the kids expressed a desire to come back and see it for real, so I said maybe we could, post-covid. Come up and get a cabin for a week or something. We passed several scenic vistas that were just breathtaking, so naturally the kids were like, “Eh,” though they did at least turn their heads each time and look.

Next up, we sampled the fine dining Nashville is known for...McDonald’s!

Honestly, I wish we could have stopped at the Birds’s Nest Cafe, my favorite, or any of the other local cafes, but we really only had time by that point for a quick snack at the Golden Arches. After gobbling down our sustenance, we were off to Schooner Valley!

Schooner Valley was tremendous fun. The staff and volunteers really make you feel at home and the horses are just well-loved and beautiful. They’re not tired old trail horses...although by 3 pm in the hot weather, they sort of were...they still required a little guidance, especially my horse, Karma. She was a bossy lady, but she did as asked, eventually! The kids all had a great time, not just riding through gorgeous Yellowwood Forest, but also in bossing each other around about the proper form for riding. They weren’t shy about bossing me, either. You’d never know I’ve been riding for years.

We finished out our ride in a gentle rain shower that turned into a downpour as we dismounted. The rain felt cool and refreshing, as both our humans and our horses were soaked in sweat. We rode for over and hour, and my old bones and weak muscles were screaming on the way to the car. I admit, I limped a little. I’m a lot heavier right now than I want to be! All the kids and Tim were stiff, I think, except for the two youngest, who are by far the most fit. What amazing exercise that was!

We tried to roll into Nashville for a celebratory ice cream for all the kids, but it was impossible. Chocolate Moose was closed due to Covid-19 (waiting for test results, the sign on the window said!) The other ice cream parlor in town was not safe for us re: peanut/tree nut allergies...so back to McDonald’s! It’s ironic...there is nothing like going to a fun, quirky, tourist-oriented place and just end up eating McDonald’s. So wrong, but for the kids, it was so right. 

It rained while the sun shined, something that I’ve usually only seen here at the Treehouse. “Where’s the rainbow?” Sean asked.

We did a little rubbernecking, checking out the area when we saw a for sale sign on a country road. Brown County gets very rural, very fast. More so than Floyd County where we live. I shouldn’t be surprised. I have spent a lot of time in rural Indiana--REAL Indiana, not this semi-suburban rural adjacent kind of place that we adoringly hail from. Where we live, we are metro Louisville, really. REAL Indiana is country AF. It’s corn and potential pot plants and pulling over on a gravel road to ask a man in denim overalls if we’re headed the right direction, knowing he’s going to help. REAL Indiana is a paved road turning suddenly into a gravel road. A trailer next to a log cabin. An artist colony that hides away some of the best scenic views in the country, and a sweet State Park employee who lets you cut through just because the kids are hungry and she can tell you’re not lying to get free admission.

We talked all the way home, through a downpour that lasted about an hour. I almost took the back way through Seymour to avoid the rain, but it let up not long after we passed Muscatatuck. Tim and Sam were both falling asleep. The kids thanked us for the trip...I suggested maybe we could go back this fall. Two of them said yes and two said they needed to think about it. Tim reminded me about Covid. I agreed to put it off for a bit. 

The kids reminisced about Piomingo, looking forward to next summer so much. Sean suggested that instead of a trip this fall, we build our own slide at home like the one at Piomingo. He suggested we dig a tunnel and have the slide go underground, before emptying us out into the creek at the back of our property. We shall see.

To the east of the highway emerged an enormous rainbow. Seamus took a photo.

We won’t get to swim this summer. We could. We could make our way to Buffalo Trace or some other semi-local beach, but I can’t take the risk. We’re all healthy right now. I can’t risk some rando swimming up to the kids and ruining that, and I definitely do NOT want to be that mom standing at the beach screaming “SOCIAL DISTANCING! SOCIAL DISTANCING!”

So we had one day of summer. Farts and belches were the topic du jour, only intensified by the horses pooping on the trail. It wasn’t the kind of conversation I would have chosen, but it was EXACTLY the kind of day. Adventurous, spontaneous, full of laughter and fun and a bit of sweat and excitement.

We arrived home smelling of horses and happiness.

[redstarwriting]

She Wins.

Thor x Reader

Request: “Can you make a thor x reader where the reader is an actress and she takes him as her date to the awards and he presents her award to her on stage”

Word Count: 2,199

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: Swearing, Cute Thor

A/N: This one was really fun to write considering I’m going to school to literally be an actress. Just the thought of being at an award show like this one day is honestly kind of a dream to me, so writing about it was a pretty fun experience. I hope you enjoy this one! 

───────────────────────────────────

You look in the mirror of your room, assessing your outfit. You were in full glam tonight, as it was the Oscars, and you were up for best actress in a leading role. This was a really big deal to you, considering the Academy voted on who they thought should get each award, and you were close friends with some of the people who were deciding whether or not you get the award. While some may say it’s rigged due to the fact that you know some people who will assist in selecting, they’re all professionals who can recognize talent. Even though you know them personally, they won’t just give you the award unless they believe you’ve earned it. That makes it even more nerve-wracking. When it comes to the Golden Globes, it’s just critics, and you’ve learned to not ignore, but not completely listen to critics. All critics have different opinions, and quite frankly many of them are still sexist, so no matter what you do, some people will always find you to be bad. Especially since you speak out against anything and everything when it comes to women being underestimated and overlooked. Some men are just too fragile with their masculinity. Honestly, there was only one man whose opinion mattered to you, and he basically worshipped the ground you walked on. Thor.

Ironically, while you were thinking about Thor, he walked into the room, and stopped dead in his tracks. “I have never seen true beauty until this very moment on this very day,” he announces, causing you to blush. “You say that every time you see me, Thunder Boy,” you say, turning to face him as he makes his way over to you. “That is because every time I see you, I am reminded of what true beauty is. No matter how you believe you look, I see the most gorgeous being in the universe, and most definitely the most gorgeous Midgardian to ever exist.” He wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you into a kiss. You smile into it, pulling away to look at him. “Well you don’t look too bad yourself, you know.” He was wearing a fitted black suit, and even though he looks very attractive in his Asgardian gear, Thor in a suit? Hot. “Thank you, my love. But my appearance pales in comparison to you, as always.”

Thor always knew what to say to make you feel more confident. Not even just with looks, but with everything. If you were doubting your acting abilities, he’d tell you immediately to, “never doubt the natural abilities you have, as you have proven time and time again that you are gifted when it comes to portraying another.” No matter how you feel, Thor can always just improve it. And he did just that in this very second. You reached up and brushed a strand of his long hair behind his ear. “Why is it that even when my hair is restrained some pieces still tend to get out?”

“Hair is uncontrollable, Thor. It does what it wants,” you say, grabbing his hand. “Now, shall we go to the red carpet?”

“Indeed.” You lead him down to the limo you’ll be arriving at the awards show in. Happy is your driver, and he smiles at you, opening the door. “Thanks, Happy. I appreciate you volunteering to drive us tonight,” you tell him, giving him a quick embrace. “Of course, (Y/N). I’d drive you two to Walmart in a limo if you needed me to.” You laugh at his response, getting into your ride as Thor follows you in. Obviously you would bring your boyfriend as your plus one, and you know a lot of your work friends were excited to finally meet him. You two would no doubt be plastered on every tabloid and your pictures would be all over social media tomorrow, which meant you’ll see the typical Thor fangirl posts complaining about you. However, you didn’t care. Tonight was special for you, and you wanted to share it with someone even more special. Thor grabs your hand, kissing it before setting it back down while still holding it. “Will all of your friends from work like me?”

“They’re going to love you, don’t worry. The only people you should be worried about are all the photographers and interviewers who are going to try to shove their microphones in your face and get you to talk all the time. That shit is annoying.”

He chuckles at you, wrapping his arm around you in the process. “I cannot imagine it is as annoying as fighting off an entire army,” he says, and you grin. “Yeah, it probably isn’t but I wish I could fight them off sometimes. Honestly, who cares what you and I do? Can you believe that someone asked me if we joined the Mile High Club once?” “Ridiculous. You and I have joined no clubs.”

“Well, no we actually did join that one and honestly a whole new Mile Higher Club.”

“We have joined a club?”

You start to laugh at his cluelessness, before whispering in his ear what the Mile High Club was. His eyes get big for a moment before he lets out a loud laugh. “Oh we have joined that club! I did not know it was a club, is there a membership we are a part of now?”

“No, Thor, it’s just a ‘club’ people ‘join.’ It’s not a real organization,” you inform, and he nods. “You Midgardians are a strange species.”

“Yeah says the guy who can literally control lightning,” you say, and he shrugs. “I would not call that strange. It is just one of my many talents,” he smiles at you and you roll your eyes. “Get your ego in check there, babe,” you say, patting his cheek as he chuckles.

The ride seems to go fast, considering any time you get to be with Thor is ridiculously fun. When you two pull up to the venue, you smile at him. “Be ready for lots of flashing lights and lots of noise,” you tell him and he smiles. “I can handle some flashing lights and noises,” he assures you and you wink at him. The door opens, and you make your way out of the limo, thanking Happy for bringing you and Thor again. Thor gets out moments after you, immediately grabbing your hand. You smile at him, and you two make your way over to where the pictures are being taken. You pass by fans, reporters, and some paps. You smile and wave to people who support you, Thor giving them an appreciative smile for supporting the love of his life. A member of your team walks beside you, and she’s already eyeing the outlets and reporters she wants you to talk to. You know the photos come first, so you walk straight over there, waiting your turn as someone is already getting the photos snapped of them. Your team works to make sure you look picture perfect, and you grin at Thor. He grins back, and when the actor in front of you is done with his photoshoot, you and Thor are up.

You immediately hit your staple pose, Thor having his arm around your waist. The flashes are more intense than they’ve ever been, and you have Thor to thank for that. Not only are they getting a picture of one of the most talented actresses in the world, they’re also getting pictures of one of the strongest beings in the universe. Thor stands to the side at one point, presenting you to the cameras. You smile at him before going full celebrity mode, and then it’s time for you to leave the photo portion, and head over to the video interviews. You’re guided by your team, landing interviews with E! and a few other outlets. When you begin talking to the E! Reporter, her eyes immediately get big at the sight of a literal God standing in front of her. “And look who we have here! Not only (Y/N), but Thor as well! What a power couple,” she says, and you laugh. “He has all the power here, I’m just his girlfriend.”

“My very talented and very amazing girlfriend. Do not let her humility fool you, she is equally as powerful as I, just in different ways.”

After getting shoved along to the paper and web interviews after that, you get to go inside of the event. You’re led to your seats, which are front row, and you both sit down. Your good friend is sitting right next to you, and you finally get to introduce her to Thor. Many of your coworkers approach you, actually, each one excited to meet your other-worldly boyfriend and talk to you about the awards you are up for along with them. After introducing him to multiple people, he looks at you with his eyebrows raised. “You were not lying when you said there would be a lot of noise,” he says, and you laugh. “Well, hey, at least it’s good noise. And not people getting shot or stabbed on a battlefield.”

“That is quite an honest statement.”

The awards start, and since Neil Patrick Harris is hosting again, it’s quite a wild ride. Jokes are being told left and right, and you can best believe he commented on you and Thor. You laugh at his jokes, occasionally hiding your face as Thor laughs and wraps his arm around you. The award you were up for wasn’t being presented until almost the end of the show, so you and Thor just sat and watched as your friends and colleagues got to accept their awards. “I am excited for your award,” Thor whispers to you, and you roll your eyes, punching him on the shoulder. “We don’t even know if it’s my award yet, Thor,” you inform him and he just grins. “You win every award in my eyes.” You immediately blush, hitting him on the shoulder again and causing him to laugh. After a few more awards are announced, Thor clears his throat, looking at you. “I am going to go use the restroom, I will return momentarily,” he tells you, placing a quick kiss on your cheek before you can even think about stopping him. He speed walks backstage, and you bite your lip. Your award is going to be announced soon, and you were nervous he wouldn’t make it back in time.

Your nerves were confirmed when you realized your award was about to be announced. Before you could even begin freaking out, though, a tall blonde walked out onstage to announce the award. “Thor?!” you ask, mainly to yourself, but the cameras got your confused expression as he walked up to the microphone center stage. “Acting is an art form like none other, having the skill to become a completely different person with a completely different life story from yours is a remarkable talent, and the women who are eligible for this award prove this. The women up for best actress in a leading role are…” Thor beings announcing the names, your name being last. He looks over in your direction with an endearing smile before announcing your nomination. “(Y/N) (L/N), Brooklyn Burning,” he says, and you smile as the applause sounds around you. He waits for the applause to die down completely before saying, “The Oscar is awarded to.”

He opens the envelope in his hands, reading it and immediately smiling from ear to ear. “The woman I love infinitely, (Y/N) (L/N)!” You cover your mouth, tears immediately beginning to well up in your eyes. Your friend pulls you into a hug, and you making your way to the stage. “You didn’t tell me you were presenting!” you say, wiping away a tear that managed to leak out of your eye. Thor smiles at you, “I’m sorry, my love. I wanted it to be a surprise.”

“Yeah, well I’m pretty damn surprised!” Thor laughs at your reaction, before pulling you in for a kiss while handing you your Oscar. This move caused the cheering to well up again, and you can’t help but smile. After giving your acceptance speech where you thank every person on the face of the planet who you care about, you head backstage. You immediately hug Thor, as he lifts you up off the ground. “I told you you would win, my love,” he says to you and you just smile, shaking your head. “I still cannot believe it. And I can’t believe my boyfriend gave the award to me!” you exclaim, holding the award in your hands and smiling like a madman. Thor pulls you in for a kiss yet again, and this time, your buddy Ellen snaps a picture of it. Needless to say, there’s a picture all over the internet of you holding an award in one hand while your other hand is cupping Thor’s cheek. “Stop trying, she wins.” was the caption Ellen used, and honestly, she’s right. Even if you didn’t win that award, you still had the best boyfriend you could ever have. The Oscar was just a bonus.

[askemilydeanyo]

Hello, yes. We had a threesome.

Before I start, I’d like to say that for the bulk majority of my life, I have identified as a relatively jealous person. Not jealous in a comparative way, but in a “tell me everything about your past, in detail, and then comfort me when I get upset about it because I will get upset” kind of way. That being said, when my urge to have a threesome crept up, I was honestly taken off guard. Imagining my partner with other people in the past used to make me queasy, but suddenly thinking of them with someone else was making me seriously horny. What the fuck was going on? I’ll paint the scene for you:

I was on the front porch eating strawberries, reading my final pages of Karley Sciortino’s Slutever, when it first came over me. In a lascivious daze, I looked up to my partner, then cutting the grass, and said: “Do you want to have a threesome?” to which they plainly responded, “Yeah, sure.” So like any self-proclaimed horny millennial sex aficionado, I immediately took to Instagram. (Obviously, I realize that not everybody can hop on their social media account and solicit for a sex partner, but I have a majority of family blocked and let’s be real they are all pretty aware of my sluttiness, so it seemed plausible to me.)

My request, posted in typewriter font over a photo of my leather flogger, simply stated: “Seeking a third for play *devil emoji*.” And voilà, just like that, she was baited. I will say, I got about 9 responses in total, but none of the others quite fit the description. We didn’t want anyone we knew too close, anyone we didn’t know at all, or anyone younger than me. I suppose this is my first tip, being that it might take a while for you and your partner to find someone that you are both attracted to, and it is both okay and encouraged to allow yourselves to be choosey (like, sure it only took us about 3 hours, but I’d say we are an anomaly to the rule.) I know a lot of people take to bars, or get on Tinder, or hire a sex worker, and I think those are excellent options for certain kinds of people, but we didn’t want to just pick from a sea of faces, we wanted to have some sort of connection to our third.

So, when she slid into my DM’s, we were stoked. We both knew her, but very, very vaguely. She and I had met a handful of times in social settings, but never engaged in anything beyond surface level conversation. However, like many of these types of interactions in my life, we had, at some point, talked about sex. I speak very candidly about sexuality – and my online presence is certainly no exception. I run weekly sex polls, I post pre-smut photos of me in full rubber lingerie, and I have an advice column where I answer questions about sex and relationship issues. So the chances that I have given someone sex-related advice online, while only having a conversation about their dog in person is surprisingly high.

Since we had some back-and-forth in the past, she approached it by saying: “If it’s not out of line, maybe I can reach out to you two about joining in the fun? I’ve always thought you’d be fun and comfortable to be around.” Finally! My outward slut-ass-ness had paid off! I was sold on her. I took the idea to my partner and they immediately agreed. As I said, the entire process of deciding we wanted to have a threesome and finding our third took, quite literally, 3 hours, but I’d imagine it is comparable to when you go to adopt a puppy, and think “omg! This is the one!” – it just felt right, you know? We knew that she was hot, and she was kind, and wasn’t a sociopath looking to come in and wreck our relationship, so it genuinely seemed safe.

It became a massive topic of conversation. We began vocalizing our fantasies out loud while we had sex (“You want to see me eat a pussy?” and yes LORD I did), we discussed our expectations and boundaries in depth, and on at least a dozen occasions I said “oh my GOD are we actually doing this?” jumping around like an idiot while doing the dishes. The thought was so exciting. We are both sexually adventurous people, both naturally hedonistic, seemingly born with a desire to please, so adding a third into the mix felt more like an extension of us. Just something and someone fun to do. We ended up running into her that weekend and fucked like literal maniacs afterwards. It was amazing.

The timeline of deciding on the rendezvous and actually putting it into action took a whopping 10 days. The closer the event came, the more and more I became the most annoying version of myself. “Oh my god, she’s coming in 3 days. Oh my god, she’s coming tomorrow. OH MY GOD SHE’S COMING IN 4 HOURS.” When the time finally came, I prepped my body as if I was going to senior prom all over again (except honestly significantly more.) I waxed my bikini line, did a facial, did a hair mask, shaved my legs, exfoliated my entire body, rummaged my closet, took 10 minutes on my eyebrows. We swept the house, washed the sheets, shined all the latex, and boiled all the sex toys. The energy was fun and frantic and flirty.

Within the comfort of your monogamous relationship, it’s normal to begin to care less about these things, which is not to be taken as a diss. When you see someone essentially every day of your life, you care a lot less about deep conditioning your hair and more about paying your rent on time. Knowing that someone was going to experience our home, our bodies, and our relationship dynamic for the first time took us back to those butterfly-in-tummy vibes – when you actually made an effort to match your socks and tend to your ingrown hairs. It was so sweet knowing my partner was taking the time to landscape their pubes and make sure they looked good in their outfit. I felt like I was going on our first date all over again, which was a really welcoming and unexpected phenomenon.

I’ll fast forward and spare you the visual of me crouched over cleaning the toilet in leather pants (just kidding, there was the visual): She arrived. My partner and I were sitting in separate rooms when I saw her car pull up. As one might imagine, I literally screamed. The following is a rough description of what happened: She came in, we gave her the house tour, we chatted over a glass of champagne (that I admittedly took no more than three sips of because I had taken two power shots when I saw her car pull up) (that and my partner refuses to fuck drunk people which is one of the hundred things I love about them.) And then… we showed her ‘The Drawer.’

Okay, look. My partner and I are sex freaks. If you know either of us in person, I can guarantee that our sex drawer is exactly what you are visualizing. It is filled with latex and leather, and sensory deprivation accessories, and cock lassos, and butt plugs, and dildos and vibrators and weird medical equipment that even freaks us out at times. This was the moment of truth. When you open your sex drawer to someone, you are essentially showing them your lifespan porn history, your darkest fantasies, your bank statement and your daddy issues all at once. It is vulnerable and spooky and oddly exciting. Anyways, she was into it.

After some chatting in the bedroom, we were all clearly getting antsy, so I decided to take initiative. I asked our third to strip to her comfort level. I asked my partner to blindfold her. I took myself in the bathroom, got into a latex get up, and had a full blown Issa Rae style pep talk with myself in the mirror. When I emerged into the bedroom I found our third blindfolded and stripped to her panties, while my partner was rubbing her legs. My first thought was “Oh my god, am I gay?” I was so turned on. The roles of my partner and myself became immediately clear. Here they were, prioritizing comfort and consent, not wanting to overstep any boundaries (especially while I wasn’t in the room), and I come in wearing full domme gear, leather riding crop in hand, alarmingly ready to turn some asses red. My partner is truly the yin to my yang.

I won’t go into too much detail, partially because I blacked a lot of it out (adrenaline, not vodka, I promise) but also because this is meant to be less smut and more narrative; so let’s just say I was in a deviant bitches version of heaven. As someone who identifies as a 96% heterosexual woman, I was honestly anxious about having a vulva in my face. Believe me when I say I am a huge preacher of “vagina’s are snowflakes,” but admittedly, I’m picky (don’t come for me I am literally just straight.) I was so relieved that when our third was naked before us, I was in absolute awe. My dreamboat of a partner, a beautiful naked person, and a nightstand covered with sex toys; I could’ve died right then and been totally cool with it (except our third did not sign up for Necrophilia 101 and let’s be honest I knew immediately that I wanted to do it again.)

The one thing that put me the most at ease was our ability to prioritize comfort. This has to take form in various ways. Being comfortable enough to assert what you want: harder, deeper, lower, just spread my butt cheeks more, being comfortable enough to fumble (i.e. having to literally remove our third’s fingers from my body after dropping the magic wand on the floor and watching it vibrate its way across the room,) being comfortable enough to show someone a drawer filled with electric stimulation pads and urethral sounds (unused, before anyone freaks out), being comfortable enough to ask someone to swap gloves so you don’t exchange bacteria. It is seriously vital. In porn, we often see someone take their dick out of one vagina and put it in the other, and in reality that just isn’t safe. That being said, when our third hopped out of bed and put on gloves without being instructed, I felt like a proud mom (except like horny step mom that fucks the girl next door), because not only was she prioritizing our safety, but she was also simultaneously not judging us for wearing medical exam gloves while we fucked. Truly a win-win.

In summary, we all came, we cleaned up, and we sat on the bed after and recapped straight slumber party style. A visual: All of us are wearing crop tops and undies, drinking Moscato from the bottle, a murder scene of sex accessories littering the floor beside us. During this time, I was paying close attention to my emotions. I had been a third to a couple once in the past, and the girl told me that immediately after the horny feelings subsided, she cried a lot. I was waiting for this feeling to sweep over me, but instead, my thoughts were more “oh my god, I can’t believe I forgot to fuck her with the strap on.” It was all really, really pleasant.

After she left, my partner and I had sex once again, and for the next few days we brought it up at least once every hour or so. In the middle of an art fair: “Remember when you first walked into the room and grabbed her? That was my favorite part.” in the middle of eating pancakes: “Do you think she came good?” in the last few seconds of a Warriors vs. Clippers game: “My finger literally went into her ass on accident.” It was like a Facebook memory popping up to remind you that you are a sex goddess, rather than an unfortunate seventh grader with side swoop bangs.

In addition to these micro bursts of horny memories zapping me throughout the day, I also found myself feeling tremendously liberated all around. Suddenly, I felt like that bitch. I felt more sure of myself and my relationship than ever before. I felt proud of my ability to casually share my wonderful partner with someone else. I also experienced some unexpected but cutesy and innocent feelings of having a crush, like, omg I wonder if she’s told her friends, I wonder if she liked us, I wonder if she’ll want to come back. I still feel all of that.

Some people might read this thinking: Emily, was this really worth a 4000 word essay? It’s a threesome, chill, people do this all the time; while others might think: Hell no, I would never let my partner fuck someone else! Both to which I respond: I get it. A ton of people take comfort in routine, and monogamy, and would never think of sharing their partner’s bodies with someone else. Other people are more laissez faire, and are totally cool with the thought. I guess I fall somewhere in the in-between. The reason I am writing this is solely to inform others of one thing above all else, and that is: When you allow someone else to be with your partners body, it is solely that: their body. You must be able to compartmentalize your sexuality. The sex you have with your partner right after a fight, or at 7a.m. half hard and half asleep, or after a romantic anniversary dinner can never be replaced by a 10p.m Friday night Ménage à trois, nor is it meant to. You are not lending out your partner’s heart, you are lending out their oral sex game because you yourself find it to be phenomenal and you want someone else to experience it.

Your third doesn’t get to know the exact 45 degree angle at which your partner likes their penis stroked, or the exact string of words that’ll make you cum in seconds, or how you like your scalp rubbed before you fall asleep. They are there for newness, for fun, and for straight up sexual gratification. Their roll is essentially to cum and leave (after sitting cross legged blushing over the fact that you both have outie vulvas, and also, like maybe not leaving forever because you might want them to come back in the future!) not to rock your partner’s world and leave them looking at you like an old pair of beat up sneakers or whatever. If you are worried about your third outshining you, or your partner developing feelings, or your primary and secondary running off and having some kind of love affair, then a threesome just is not for you. Having a fear of infidelity as a result is a pretty clear indicator that something deeper is going on, and why subject yourself to unnecessary anxiety if you don’t have to? (PSA: You don’t have to.)

A threesome will not fix your relationship if it is on the rocks. It will not mend your trust issues. It will (likely) not cure your diminished libido. It will not grant you any otherwise unreciprocated respect in your relationship. You get no brownie points. A threesome is literally a novel concept. It is to witness your partner in action outside of your standard point of view. It is to learn new things that turn you on and turn you off. It is to remind yourself that you can be in a long term, serious, primarily monogamous relationship and still be able to experience the joy of other people’s bodies in a safe and controlled environment. It is to fuck, and to get fucked. To cum, and to make cum. It is to let someone eat you out that doesn’t eat you out every day.

If you came here for my recipe for a successful threesome, here is what I can suggest: (Please keep in mind that I am a literal amateur, but I do feel confident in my knowledge, so here you go:) First, plan accordingly. Plan around your menstrual cycle, around your work schedule, when you can get a baby sitter, etc. Then communicate! The communication is pivotal before, during, and after, but it is especially important beforehand as this can make or break your situation. Discuss your boundaries: What are your hard limits? What would you like to try? What are some things you know you like, know you don’t like? Which toys strike your fancy? What are some names you like to be called? What are your pronouns? What terminology do you prefer us reference your genitals with? Which parts of your body are off limits? When was the last time you were tested? Are you wanting to keep this between us three, or can I write a 4,000 word blog post about it? I could go on and on.

Other important things to discuss are rules and expectations (which fall under the umbrella of communication.) Some of my rules were that I didn’t want them being in contact without me knowing, so no exchanging of phone numbers or socials, and we also unanimously decided that there would be no penis in vagina intercourse. Some other rules to consider might be: Areas of the body that can and cannot be touched (anyone say asshole? Cause I sure didn’t), if the third can stay the night, certain sentimental pet names to avoid, etc. Some expectations that I outlined were basically just that everyone do what I say. Surprisingly, this was less of me being ‘the dick manager’ and more of me being more dominant in nature. Luckily, my partner and my third are (or at least were) more sub leaning, so they happily obliged. Other expectations were that everyone felt comfortable to speak freely, to take breaks, to vocalize their needs, and to stop if they needed to stop. Also I wanted to know a general idea of what I was expected to wear and what kind of energy I was expected to bring to the table.

Another massive thing to consider is safety. Do you have any transmittable diseases or infections? Are you feeling sick? Are you allergic to any materials? Are you willing to sanitize toys, change condoms, use gloves, use barriers, and wipe down the hitachi head when switching partners? If not, seriously don’t even consider. It is selfish, and potentially transmitting infections, getting someone sick, or GOD forbid pregnant is seriously not worth the extra set of hands. Clearly talk about safety, make it accessible (condoms and toy cleaner by the bed) and don’t let yourself get too drunk to forget about it.

Something that proved to be really important to us was someone who would honestly just accept us for the freaks that we are. Lack of judgement is important in any activity where you are putting yourself on display, but especially in a sexual situation. Imagine if you came to someone with your deepest desires and they crinkled their nose in disgust? It is honestly world shattering. So, plan your threesome with someone who you know is open minded. In my case, I am lucky that I am pretty outwardly filthy online, so our third likely had some type of idea, but in the case of anyone else, use your best judgement, and have some conversations around the topic. Be clear about your wants and your needs. You want to be able to proudly ask for someone to shove a dildo in your ass, not be hesitant and afraid. Both your orgasm and your dignity are on the line here.

Another thing I would like to highlight is that although the role of the third (in our case at least) is to essentially serve as a human sex toy, they are exactly that: a human. It is crucial that you are checking in, making sure they feel catered to, and safe, and comfortable. I’d like to think this is too obvious to state, but in the event that it’s not, I will say it: Everyone’s comfort and pleasure should be a priority. Only in some fucked up alternate universe does inviting someone new into the bedroom mean you start prioritizing one person’s body over the other. Everyone is equal and worthy of respect, and just because someone might get off on being called a slut in the bed, doesn’t mean they want to continue to feel like a slut once they leave your house. Be mindful. A good third understands that that their role is temporary and doesn’t need to be reminded through negligence of their basic human emotions.

My last point to touch on is how to bring up the subject to your partner, which will likely vary from relationship to relationship. My partner and I are very laid back. Our approach to sexuality is much less focused around ‘the art of seduction’ and much more on direct pleasure and connection. Like, instead of lighting candles to ‘set a mood’ we are lighting candles to pour the wax on each other… because it feels good… you know? So in my case, it was as simple as asking directly because we are always direct with requests. Other people might need more tenderness. You might consider saying: “While I am totally satisfied with our sex life, I was wondering if you would ever be interested in introducing another person into the mix? I think it would be a fun way for both of us to explore, together, and safely, as we would be in view of one another.” Clearly state your expectations, your desires, and your intentions. And if your partner declines, respect their decision. Nothing should be forced on anyone, and asserting time and time again that you want to fuck someone else will likely leave your partner feeling like they aren’t good enough. Then you don’t get your threesome and your partner feels like shit. Was it really worth asking that fourth time?

Returning to my first question (me questioning my overall sanity) – before, during, and after the fact, I realized what was going on inside of me was that I was finally dating someone that I trusted entirely. The reason that I was able to walk into a room to find my partner sitting in bed with a beautiful naked person and not literally vomit is because they weren’t doing anything to me, they were doing something with me. If you are proposing a threesome to keep your partner’s interest, or to prove something shallow to yourself, spare yourself the energy. I have said it before and I will say it again: Expanding outside of monogamy should always be from an abundance rather than a lack thereof. You should not be thinking “My girlfriend doesn’t let me fuck her in the ass, so maybe our third will.” You should be thinking “My partner does this really amazing thing with their tongue, and it would be really hot to see how someone else reacts to it.” (And maybe if you’re lucky your third will gladly take it up the ass?)

So, wrapping up, perhaps you should consider having a threesome if you: Are secure in your relationship, if you find your partner to be too hot to keep to yourself, if you have an abundance of trust and respect for one another, if you are both willing to respect boundaries and safety measures, if you are wanting to explore other bodies while keeping your partner included, or if you are horny hedonists looking for some good spank material. You should not consider having a threesome if you: Feel pressured to, if you think it will mend an otherwise crumbling relationship, if you are feeling insecure, if you have trust issues, if your partner has expressed romantic interest in the third, if either of you have had a relationship with the third in the past (could get messy), if you are not attracted to the third, or if it is a last ditch effort to impress your partner.

Realistically, there are probably hundreds of reasons why introducing someone into your bedroom is or is not a good idea, so please note that I do realize I am only speaking to a small percentage of people. The reality just is that: like a raw vegan diet is not for everybody, like funneling a beer is not for everybody, like adopting a cat, or backpacking through Europe, or learning how to unicycle is not for everybody, having group sex is not for everybody. It is okay to leave certain kinds of activities to certain kinds of people, no matter how intriguing they might seem from a distance.

By no means am I saying that all group sex configurations must be rooted in love. They can be rooted in lust, in adventure, in curiosity – but one thing that is absolutely CRUCIAL is that they are rooted in trust. I trust that you will switch condoms and sterilize shared toys. I trust that you will respect my body and my boundaries and my concerns. I trust that you won’t turn into a pussy crazed lunatic and start trying to have threesomes weekly. I trust my partner with everything from my social security number to my incest fantasies, which means, most importantly, that I trust that they won’t go off and try to fuck anyone without me. If you have any doubt in your mind that you are doing this for reasons outside of solely hedonistic, pure, and/or loving intentions, consider reconsidering.

Now to share some gratitude: Thank you massively to my partner for allowing me to fulfill my sexual destiny, for supporting all my impulsive endeavors, for prioritizing my orgasms, and for never making me feel small (unless I want to feel small, then thank you for catering to that too.) Thank you so much to you, dream third, for making us both feel safe, for coming into our dynamic with an open mind, for feeling comfortable enough to not only share your body with us but also your stories, and your requests, and your positive energy (and for tolerating my demands and recurring slapping.) And thank you to anyone who has read all of this x so so much love.

[thisislizheather]

March Magic

Forgive the lateness of this post, but March was a busy month so LET’S TALK ABOUT IT.

So after leaving Ipsy last year (for various reasons), I’ve missed receiving a little package every month full of makeup samples. I was all set to try Birchbox, but they wouldn’t accept a Canadian billing address so that didn’t work out. Instead I opted to give PLAY! By Sephora a chance. I was a member for three months before cancelling last week. My reason for ending it was mainly because I barely got any lipsticks or highlighters or anything FUN. I don’t know if it’s because they know that I’m in my mid-thirties or because they just have an influx of specific products, but a bitch doesn’t need twenty sample size cleansers. Not this bitch, anyway. Also, sending out a foundation sample (no matter the luxuriousness of the brand) makes ZERO sense because finding the right shade makes all the difference in the world for foundations. Also, I barely wear foundation. So I ended it. Also, am I the only one who hates getting tiny perfume samples? I feel like I have so many that I feel bad about throwing out, so I just keep them in the washroom and then use them instead of air-freshener if someone (or myself) stinks up the room (#lizadvice).

I was briefly intrigued by Frank & Oak’s clothing subscription box but decided after an hour of research that it’s probably too expensive for what you’re getting, even if the clothes are gorgeous.

Of course it was upsetting to hear that Luke Perry passed away. He was definitely one of the first men that I loved on television (god, I remember every single detail of that 90210 when his wife Rebecca Gayheart was killed). Such a good actor. So wildly attractive. And man, he was one of the best parts of Riverdale. I hate thinking about that show without him.

I absolutely love spring peas, so I made this Lemon-Basil Orzotto and it was really good.

I tried this charcoal that’s supposed to clean your makeup sponge and it was kind of annoying to use. It just takes too long to get a good lathering, and my foaming hand soap does the job much better and quicker.

I’ve only used it once so far, but I think I’m really into this Bliss Jelly Glow Peel Exfoliator that I got at Target for $10. No irritation at all and my face felt crazy smooth afterward.

I have a mini version of Sunday Riley’s Lactic Acid and it’s kind of really good, too. Only a million dollars more expensive than other good facial products! Sweet! Also, you’d think having “acid” in the name would frighten people away but I guess not. Obviously never going to buy the full size because it’s not magical or anything, but happy to have tried it.

Ate at this Mexican place Pulqueria in Chinatown that was pretty good. The location is pretty cool (very NYC out of a movie) and the inside is gorgeous. The food? Pretty decent! All in all, nothing to write home about but definitely worth remembering if you’re in the neighborhood.

Got some ice cream at Taiyaki and it was the definition of plain-as-a-dick. Nothing special here.

Finally ate at Lilia in Brooklyn! Honestly, it was really great and I can’t wait to go back. I made Nathan get the spicy lamb fettuccine so that I could try it and I got the mafaldini with pink peppercorns. His was fantastic, but mine was only so-so (it was way too al dente) - I think I just ordered badly because everything else we had was incredible. They had this herbed focaccia with ramp butter special that blew our faces off. I’ve never heard of a bread special before and it’s a brilliant idea, more restaurants should do this, people go nuts for fancy bread (myself included). The cauliflower appetizer (with spicy soppressata, sicilian pesto & majoram) was amazing and the dessert soft-serve swirl was wild. I already know what I’m ordering next time: the sheeps milk cheese filled agnolotti with saffron, dried tomato & honey. The service was of course great, and the space itself is gorgeous. No idea it used to be an auto-repair shop. Is the pasta better at L’Artusi? I’ll have to order the agnolotti before I answer that question. One must be well informed before making such declarations.

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A post shared by Lilia Ristorante (@lilianewyork) on Mar 4, 2019 at 5:56am PST

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On my birthday, I took advantage of a free-facial offered from Smith & Brit in the city and it was beyond lovely. Claire (the owner) is such a fantastic woman who really knows what she’s doing and she made it such a wonderful experience.

I also took advantage of the free birthday brow arch they offer at all Benefit locations and whoa. I almost exclusively thread my eyebrows every few months, so I was excited to have them waxed for a change. I have pretty sensitive forehead skin, so I did have tiny bumps around my eyebrows for a few days afterward, but it still was worth it. They do an “eyebrow map” of how your eyebrows would best look and then wax them accordingly. And then they follow that with filling them in with Benefit products. I usually use a combination of Colourpop’s brow pencil and Milani’s waxier eyebrow pencil, but when she used the Benefit eyebrow gel wand, I was floored at how much fuller they looked. Really considering buying the mini and seeing if I can achieve that same look. Look how full!

Above Photo: Excuse the horrifying closeness of the above photo

I tried both 2019 birthday gifts from Sephora and Ulta, and talked about both of them here.

I watched all of Shrill in one evening and I can’t imagine not watching it that way. It’s perfect. I can’t stop playing this song on repeat, WHY IS IT ONLY ONE MINUTE? Other thoughts: I had no idea that the morning-after pill doesn’t work for women over 175 pounds, that’s insane!? The mother/daughter storyline is so well done it hurts. ALL of the outfits on pretty much every single woman are so fucking lovely. I rewatched that one part with the woman in red walking and buying flowers over and over it just made me so happy, I can’t describe why. And the pool party episode? I may have sobbed through some of it, and not in a sad way but in a cathartic way. It just made me feel so many things at once. Mostly about how sometimes you feel invisible if you’re self conscious or self-loathing about your body, and you feel like you don’t matter unless you fit into this idea of what you think people expect you to look like and how if you don’t fit into that, then you’re essentially a worthless piece of garbage, so you treat yourself that way on a daily basis. And how this type of thinking can last you a lifetime because it’s all you’ve allowed yourself to believe for years and years. There are so many ways that a person can feel inadequate or less than, and it’s so internally normalized because you truly believe that you’re not good enough and you never will be. It’s a depressing way to live and so many women especially live this way, myself included obviously. So that whole episode really just felt like a fucking dream of a reality. I really hope there will be more episodes of the series, I’ve never related to a television show more in my life.

I tried the watermelon makeup wipes from Sephora and even though they smell amazing, they don’t take off all of your makeup. Pass. The Avon one is still my all-time favourite.

I tried the cleansing pads from First Aid Beauty and they’re tingly, fun and great. Perfect alternative for when you don’t feel like washing your face. I don’t know if that’s their intent, but that’s how I’m using them.

Nathan’s second album came out on iTunes! Buy it! Love it! Or not! Do you!

I’ve been having trouble sleeping and one thing that has helped? Taking a hot shower before bed. Is this such common knowledge that I’m a moron? Maybe. In any case, very happy to have learned this.

Started and finished watching the final season of Broad City and it was really, really good. I always forget how good this show is. I wish it existed when I was a teenager.

Practically in LUST with Trader Joe’s Everything But The Bagel Seasoning. I’m so late to this party, but at least I finally got there. I’ve only even tried it on top of some buttered bread and I was floored at how good it is.

Can’t stop rewatching all the old Ready or Not episodes on YouTube. Also, Degrassi Junior High.

You know how sometimes you have irrationally dumb opinions on things you know nothing about? That was me with dry shampoo. I didn’t really understand it. Also, I thought it was exclusively for white women, I don’t know why? Obviously I tried some (this Amika one) and I mean… it’s kind of spectacular. I maybe shouldn’t have discovered it because I might never wash my hair again.

I visited the Everlane store in Soho (because apparently YouTube ads really do work on me) and even though it’s beautifully minimalist, it’s way too overpriced.

Tried the pizza at Lions & Tigers & Squares Detroit Pizza and it was really good. They don’t offer single slices, but it’s the perfect place to go with someone to split one. So in love with Detroit style lately. (Also, can I accept world-wide-credit for the massive amounts of pepperoni pieces you’re seeing on pizzas these days?! I’ve been ordering triple-pepperoni-well-done pizzas for DECADES and I’ve been harshly judged endlessly because of it and LOOK AT WHERE WE ARE NOW! Full credit.)

Above Photo: Pepperoni pizza from Lions & Tigers & Squares, NYC

The penultimate episode of this season of This Is Us was wildly good. There was so much relatable couple stuff, it’s so hard to even get into if you didn’t see the episode/don’t care about the show, but if you did? Email me. I could talk about it for an hour, it was so well done. It’s essentially about the give and take in a relationship and about how it’s rarely equal, and man… so, so well done. Loved every minute.

Remember how I tried and liked Bumble & Bumble’s Thickening Spray? Well, I still do but definitely don’t spray it on your roots, it works much better if you use it sparsely on the rest of your hair when damp. Maybe that’s already obvious but I’m very new to using any hair products, so forgive my stupidity.

SO excited for Jenny Slate’s new book.

I went to Beacon’s Closet for the first time and whoa. I didn’t find anything I loved, but it’s definitely one of those places you should stop in every once in awhile to see what’s there. The space is a little overwhelming, but the things that I’ve seen people get from there are gorgeous and so inexpensive.

I tried to find my colour in the Fenty collection of concealers and nothing matched, but it’s not a huge deal since I’m happy with the NARS one I’ve been using. And speaking of concealers, Colourpop just released their own and they were kind of good?? Again, I still prefer the NARS one, but the Colourpop one is actually kind of good, especially for being $6.

Finally ate at Raclette and I don’t think I’ll be returning. There are basic rules for making a good grilled cheese. I mean, I’m no scientist but you should be able to hold up the sandwich. And that just didn’t happen here. I had to use a knife and fork, which is… sad. Astoria Bier & Cheese understands these rules and still remains the best place to go if you’re in the mood for one.

I accidentally tried smoked salmon for the first time and it was really good, who the hell knew? Apparently everyone but me. I’ve never ordered it because I really only fake-like cooked salmon, so why the hell would I like it uncooked or *shudder* smoked? Also, it looks so gross! I should’ve known better though because it’s almost always true that if something looks gross, it probably tastes amazing. That’s a thing, yeah?

I tried samples (because I own a million fucking samples of every cream on planet earth) of Kiehl’s avocado eye cream and passssssss. It left my under eyes crazy red and zombie-like, so never again.

Bought a new white living room carpet from Carpet Factory Outlet on the Upper East Side and it was so cheap and great, have to keep this place in mind.

Absolutely hate this Tarte mascara, it stays on your lashes for days after you think you’ve washed it off and I don’t know why anyone would want that.

Since I’ll forever love Trader Joe’s, we tried the new broccoli and kale pizza crust and it’s even better than the cauliflower crust that we love. This one also doesn’t burn as easily in the oven as the cauliflower one, so I think this is the new favourite.

There’s a new flavour of banana pudding at Magnolia Bakery: chocolate hazelnut. It was sold out when I tried to get it, but I did get a sample and yikes. Obviously it’s the greatest.

Ate at Al Di La in Brooklyn and it was not fantastic. Their version of “gnocchi” was confusing and 1000% too spinachy. The tagliatelle al ragu (below) was obviously good, but, like, it’s so hard to fuck that up.

Above Photo: Tagliatelle Al Ragu at Al Di La, Brookyn, New York

Found this lovely-as-hell store in Park Slope, Habit. Literally everything felt and looked beautiful. In love with this one specific brand they had.

Went to a Mortified show with Harmeet who was visiting me, and it was good! We only stayed for the first half because honestly my feet hurt and we were standing and I think we both just decided, “Yeah, we get it… we’re good” and then went to Ample Hills Creamery around the corner. Love it when friends decide to leave an event early together for something more fun, not enough people do this.

FINALLY made it to Daily Provisions. Maple cruller? Heavenly. Everything-bagel-flavoured croissant injected with cream cheese? Delightful. Danny Meyer continues to do no wrong. Favourite breakfast place in Union Square.

Above Photo: Maple Cruller from Daily Provisions, Union Square, New York City

Still very much in love with this song, and as I was listening to it one day I started reading the comments as I was listening and this one YouTube comment… my god. So sweet. Maybe parts of it are definitely corny or too much or something, but my god, in the moment, I loved it:

“I heard this song when I woke up un-groggy for the first time after an abortion. It was the first time I heard it. And riding in the car beside my Mom, who had been pro-choice her entire life until the moment she was staring that decision right in the face, both of us were silent the entire song. Through every lyric, it was as if Sara had written a eulogy of my life. Everything we had been through, everything I had suffered. Everything I had seen. Every time I had to grow up sooner than I should have. Everything I had to push to the back of my mind so I didn’t lose myself completely. Everything surfaced through these lyrics. This will just be another comment lost among this thread. But if someone happens to read it - if someone who NEEDS to see this comment see’s it - know that things will always be better. TIME HEALS ALL. Even if it seems as though no one would care if you were gone. Even if it seems as though you have no purpose in this world. YOU MATTER. It doesn’t matter how many mistakes you have made. It doesn’t matter how many times you have sworn to God “you’d change” if he just forgave you for this one mistake. Hell. Even if you don’t believe in God. If you don’t know what to believe, if you’re lost, if you don’t know what to do - just keep going. Keep doing. Keep moving in any direction that is away from the heartache and pain that keeps you tied down. Let go of the past. Let go of the fear and hurt your heart endures on a daily basis. Just keep living. Keep going. Forgive. Never forget. Learn from your mistakes. Better yourself. Live for you. Find your happiness. Love unconditionally. Live.” — Shelby Grimm

Went to Momofuku Noodle Bar for the second time and it was so much better than the first time. I also ordered better. The chilled spicy noodles with sichuan sausage, thai basil & cashews (shown below) were incredible and I tried some of the broth of the spicy beef ramen that Harmeet ordered and holy shit, it was good. I’m still too… not into the idea of ramen, but that broth was fucking nuts. ALSO, their dessert special (caramelized white chocolate pie with hazelnut and puffed rice was F-U-C-K-I-N-G memorable (also below). Christ.

Above Photo: Chilled Spicy Noodles from Momofuku Noodle Bar, NYC

Above Photo: Caramelized White Chocolate Pie from Momofuku Noodle Bar, NYC

A few months ago I got dinner at Pil Pil on the Upper East Side and since it was good, I stopped in there for lunch recently and it’s probably the best lunch I’ve had in that area for sure. There’s a $4 happy hour sangria special and their lamb sliders are incredible. The fries are maybe my favourite restaurant fries in the city, they’re so crispy and drizzled with this spicy aioli and they also have a chocolate-hazelnut dessert cake that is unbelievable. I know it sounds like I love everything everywhere, but I swear I don’t.

There is a place in NYC where you can rent out really nice digital cameras for 24 hours FOR FREE and no one knows about it (the only hiccup is that you need to have state-issued ID). Sony Square is a “public space committed to showcasing innovations in products, music, movies and gaming” - which essentially means that every few weeks they change up their aesthetic to showcase new Sony products, but the camera-rental service is an always-available option. Insanely cool thing to offer.

Found amazingly soft and comfortable leggings (cheap too!) at Aerie (thank you Marla!) that I will exclusively buy from now on. (No more trash Aritzia leggings that disintegrate every three months!) Bought some of their workout pants too that have pockets (!) that were incredibly soft, too.

I saw the movie Us and really liked it. Mostly because yeah, it’s a good movie. But also because IT’S AN ORIGINAL MOVIE. I’m so sick of remakes and superhero movies that I love it when movies like this get made. I know it’s classified as a horror movie, but it’s not really, in my opinion. Plus I love when you finish watching a movie and you want to come home immediately and research as much about it as possible. It’s good, go see it!

Harmeet and I went to Manhatta for lunch (because apparently I have a Danny Meyer obsession) and it exceeded all expectations. First of all, it’s not crazy expensive despite the fact that it’s in the fucking sky (60th floor). We got the mushroom soup, the scotch snails with pork sausage in garlic butter and the French onion burger and everything was amazing. Service was perfect. Views are insane. Perfect place to take someone who’s visiting, especially for lunch. Will definitely go back.

Above Photo: View from Manhatta, NYC

Above Photo: Harmeet! In all her beauty!

Above Photo: French Onion Burger from Manhatta, NYC

Lastly, I watched the Leaving Neverland documentary on HBO. I also watched all the episodes of Surviving R. Kelly. I watched both of these within a few days and I don’t recommend anyone viewing all of these things in such a short amount of time unless you want to cry endlessly and (irrationally? Or understandably?) loathe an entire gender for a few days. And look, if you know anything about me, you know what a huge fan I am of Michael Jackson. From his music to the connection of meeting Nathan, I’ve forever loved this man in the way that all of his fans love him. For years I would think (and sometimes, ugh, say) “I don’t know that man personally. I don’t want to know about his personal life. I can’t judge him if I don’t know him.” And I’d say these things as a way of deflecting from the fact that I didn’t want those beautiful songs tarnished in my mind, as dumb as that sounds. And in an extremely similar way, I acted the same with R. Kelly. I didn’t WANT to take “When A Woman Loves” off of my iPod for years because I didn’t want to believe someone who could sing so beautifully could be some kind of monster, which makes zero sense but seems like a rational thought to people who still don’t believe these victims. The way that we worship these artists/abusers, without actually knowing anything about them (or sometimes knowing complete details of their abuse), wanting them to continue to achieve success no matter what the cost, is so unhealthy and odd and is part of a larger culture that is already designed to idolize anyone with status or more money than us. I didn’t want to watch Neverland. I knew it’d be bad. I only took down my Woody Allen poster in my childhood bedroom last year (to be fair, I don’t live there, but this should’ve happened years ago). I rarely spoke up in favor of these men, but I did stay silent when they were discussed because that was easier to do and basically what most everyone else was doing and made it feel acceptable, which is awful. I feel horrible that it took this many years for victims to be believed and it makes me sick that I’m apart of the group of people who made it impossible for victims to be heard. As hard as these things were to watch, I think they’re wildly important to see.

This one part from Surviving R. Kelly sums up one of the problems so well.

“Our society tends to compartmentalize the things we don’t want to look at, and magnifies and glorifies the things that we do. For example, if an individual is providing something to the society as music, cinema, politics - we’re more likely to compartmentalize the negative behavior and minimize it, as a way of accepting what they’re contributing.”

Jesus, a lot happened in March. Excited for April! Some upcoming things that you can expect in next month’s post: I’m going to start taking collagen (I’ve heard it helps hair growth), a family trip to Niagara Falls, a Best of Astoria post & thoughts on the new Twilight Zone. Hello, April!

[beefybuffybucky]

Brooklyn and the Benevolent

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader

Request: Could you do one where Sebastian falls for a photographer in Brooklyn?! Pleaseeee😊 (-anon)

Warnings: little bit of language - fluff, mostly

Word Count: 2K

A/N: y’all, i have an interview today, so hopefully by the time this is posted, i will be a lot less anxious

Endless buildings tower high into the sky, disappearing deep in the grey, drooping clouds as gentle drops of rain patter down on your jacket. You stand in the middle of the sidewalk, hoards of people bustling around you, their heads down, moving quickly through the streets as they pass from one place to another. A few shoulders bump into you, making it hard to get the right angle and view through your camera that you want. You focus on the view through your camera, shielding the lens from the heavy raindrops as you line up a perfect shot and -

“Hey!” You yelp, being shoved by someone whose face was masked by a dark hood, their eyes concealed behind sunglasses. The camera had tumbled from your hands and landed with a horrible crash on the wet cement below you, pieces of the outer edges flying under the trampled path of hurried feet, the lens of your camera shattered beyond repair.

“Oh god, I-I’m so sorry,” the man’s smooth voice cracks with surprise, shock, and frantic worry. He immediately crouches down, leveling his height to where you sat on the wet ground, dirty rainwater soaking through your pants, tiny pebbles biting into the soft skin of your palms as you push away from the ground to balance on your feet while you crouch next to him.

“I-It’s fine,” you mutter, an embarrassing heat rising in your cheeks. You do your best to scrape the broken pieces into a pile, but immediately realize there’s no hope for saving your camera. “I’ll, just, uh...buy a new one.”

“Let me pay for it,” the man immediately offers, nearly jumping to his feet, your broken camera in his hand. “It was my fault, I-I can get you a new one. We could go right now if you’d want.”

Your mind quickly goes back and forth between trying not to cry over your most expensive camera being damaged and taking the man up on his offer, to thinking of all the dangers that could come from trusting a complete stranger to take you somewhere to buy a new camera.

“O-Okay,” you blink back at him from the ground. He offers a hand to pull you up from the ground, and you hesitantly take it, allowing him to help you stand. You follow him by his side down the street, taking quick glances at the vaguely-familiar face, trying to place a name to his face as you search your memory for where you’ve seen him before.

“There’s one,” he sighs under his breath. You blink at him again and scan your surroundings for what he could possibly be talking about, until you spot it - a garbage can, only a few feet away. He reaches out his hand holding the camera, and panic quickly attacks your nerves.

“No!” You shriek, lunging for the camera before he had the chance to let it tumble from his grasp. You fiddle with it until you find what you’re looking for - the SD card slot. You take out the small card and stuff it into your pocket, then exhale a great sigh of relief. “Sorry about that,” you chuckle lightly, glancing up at him shyly. “My SD card. It has all my work on it.” You sadly toss the damaged camera into the trash can, the gentle thunk resonating in your ears.

“So,” he says as you start walking again, your hand tucked into your pocket fiddles with the SD card between your fingers. “Do you do photography for a living?”

“Yeah, actually,” a small smile tugs at the corners of your mouth. You love any chance you have for talking about photography. “I’ve been taking photos since I was a kid, honestly. My parents weren’t so happy when they found out I was going to school for it - they think it’s strictly a hobby, and nothing else,” you look at the looming buildings stretching into the darkened sky above you. “But, I went anyway. I finished school early, decided to move to the ‘Big City’, and now here I am.”

“Sounds like you really love it,” a large smile spreads across his face as he turns his head to look at you.

“Yeah, I do,” you return the gentle smile. A blush burns under your cheeks as you suddenly feel shy and awkward. “What, uh...What do you do?”

“I’m an actor,” he chuckles quietly, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his coat.

“And how’s that goin’ for ya?” You laugh, thinking about how most of this city is comprised of ‘aspiring’ actors and people trying to ‘make it big’, even here in Brooklyn.

“Pretty well, in my opinion,” he flashes another brilliant smile, and you could almost see the sparkle in his eyes through his glasses. “The shop is juuust around the corner.” His pace quickens and you struggle to keep up with his long strides, but as you fall behind him, he stops abruptly, and you nearly run into his broad back.

“Here it is,” he sighs happily, pulling open the door to reveal a large, high-end store full of photography equipment like you’ve never seen before - probably because you’ve never been able to afford anything like this stuff. “Get whatever you need, my treat.”

“A-Are you sure?” Your voice falters as you take in the store, your jaw nearly touching the floor in surprise. “This shit isn’t cheap.”

“Trust me,” he laughs lowly. He takes off his glasses and pushes back his damp hood. “I got it.”

“W-Wait a minute, you’re -”

“I’m Sebastian,” his grin lights up the entire room as he formally introduces himself.

“You’re...You’re Sebastian Stan,” you whisper in disbelief, pointing a shaky finger at him.

“Yeah,” he chuckles a bit louder. “I think that’s what I just said.”

“I-I can’t believe this,” you mumble.

“Well, uh,” he nervously rubs the back of his neck. “Feel free to get whatever you want, or whatever you need.”

“I can’t just take that money from you, I -”

“Really, don’t worry about it. I got you,” he puts a hand on your shoulder.

You scoff in happy disbelief and walk around the store, becoming completely overwhelmed by the sheer quality of all the amazing equipment and cameras around you. As you wander the store with Sebastian, you ask him questions about what it’s like working with his other famous co-stars like Chris Evan and Robert Downey Jr., and he asks you questions about your life and your photography works. After nearly an hour, you had finally picked out the most amazing camera you’ve ever seen in your life, and a few other pieces of equipment that you’ve always dreamed of having. Your heart was so full of excitement and joy, you couldn’t sit still as you stood next to Sebastian at the cashier’s counter, your fingers tapping speedily on the smooth countertop.

“Have a great day, Mr. Stan,” the cashier beamed as she handed over the bags to him.

“Thank you so much, you too,” Sebastian returns a genuine, flashy smile. You follow him out, giddy with excitement to use your new equipment, when Sebastian stops at the curb of the street and waves down a taxi. It pulls up to where you two stood, slowly driving up to avoid splashing the gross puddle of water all over you. Sebastian opens the door for you and motions for you to get in, and as you duck in the cab and shut the door, Sebastian jogs around the back of the cab to slide in on the other side.

“You like coffee?” Sebastian pants softly.

“Y-Yeah, I love coffee,” you sheepishly reply.

“25 Jay Street, please,” Sebastian leans forward and tells the cab driver. The driver nods in response and changes gears, pulling away from the curb and back out into the busy street of traffic.

“Where are we going?” You blink, peering out the window.

“Just a little café,” Sebastian smiles down at his hands in his lap. “It seemed like a good day for coffee.”

“You didn’t even ask if I had time to go get coffee,” you chuckle, looking at him with a look of sarcastic defense plastered on your face.

“Do you have time to get coffee with me?” He turns his head to meet your questioning gaze.

“I suppose,” you smirk, settling back into your seat. “I’m Y/N, by the way,” you break the short silence, turning back to him.

“Y/N, huh?” He tries to repress the smile tugging at his lips. “It suits you.”

“What do you mean?”

“It just…,” he meets your gaze again, then shrugs. “I don’t know, fits you.”

“Thanks,” you blush, turning back to the window, getting a little lost in thought while trying to force yourself to speak. “W-Would you, uh...Would you maybe be okay with me taking a few photos of you?” You bite the inside of your cheek as you turn to him, and find him already looking at you, which makes your heart nearly skip a beat. “It would be for a series I’m working on.”

“Sounds like a date to me,” Sebastian grins confidently, his captivating eyes sparkling brilliantly.

Before you could reply, the cab pulled over to the curb, stopping in front of an old, tall building. The white paint had been chipped away in many places from years of wear-and-tear from the weather, but the architecture was breathtakingly beautiful. Sebastian hands the driver a few bills and gets out, grabbing the two bags with him. You open the door and step out into the unforgiving rain, and quickly jog into the building, holding the door open for Sebastian.

“Thanks, hun,” he smiles, running a hand throw his short, thick hair to shake out a few of the water droplets. “Shall we?” He nods towards a small table tucked away against the far wall of the warm, cozy café. The sound of coffee beans being ground and quiet chatter, bubbly giggles, and happy people fill the comforting atmosphere. As Sebastian goes to get coffee for the two of you, you work on setting up your new camera, nearly tearing up at how beautiful the new piece of equipment is. When Sebastian returns, he takes the seat across from you and settles in, a smirk sliding up his face.

“What are you doing?” He asks before taking a sip of his steaming coffee.

“Just playing with my new toy,” you wink at him, a playful giggle slipping passed your lips.

“So,” Sebastian starts softly. “What do I need to do for your photos?”

“Nothing, really,” you shrug. “I’m just going to snap a few shots whenever. The goal of the series is to capture everyday happiness. I know it sounds cheesy and whatever, but I’ve never done something like this.” You pop your SD card into the slot and close it. “I just want to learn how to see the good in even the smallest of things, to make me appreciate life more.”

“That’s a really good idea,” Sebastian nods slowly, sipping more of his coffee.

“Yeah, I hope it is,” you nervously chuckle. “All of my other photography has been so serious and dark. I just want to try and see the lighter side of things for once.” You hold the camera up to your face and start focusing the picture.

“Beautiful,” Sebastian breathes, a soft, caring smile shines on his face.

“What?” You blush, looking at him from behind the camera.

“You’re beautiful.”

“O-Oh, uh,” you stutter, feeling even more heat pooling beneath your skin. “T-Thank you.”

“No need to thank me, I’m only telling the truth.”

You clear your throat and focus back on the camera, taking a few pictures as Sebastian notices a dog walking by the window and smiles wildly, causing you to chuckle. Once the dog passes, he turns his attention back to you, still smiling. You catch a few more photos.

“Can I see it?” He asks.

“See what? The photos?” You lower the camera from your face.

“No,” he shakes his head, the grin still plastered on his ridiculously gorgeous face. “The camera.”

“Sure,” you hand over the camera. He turns it over in his hands a few times before raising it to his face.

“What are you doing?” You giggle as you pick up your coffee, the warmth soaking into your palms. A large smirk replaces his smile as he focuses the camera, turning the lens on you for a change. “Sebastian, no -”

“Smile for the camera!”

Permanent Tags: @winters-beauty @wildefire @c-ly-g @dottirose @lokigodofsasss

[wherearemyglassesbro]

Hetalia night at the museum AU

I have made time to do this! I have no idea why I immediately fell in love with this AU but I did and now I an hopelessly invested lol

strap in this is gonna be LONG

I must tag @gsnkhurray because they’re the one who posted about this originally! :)

So to start this all off, Ive kinda thought about each of the characters having their own elaborate exhibits. Yao would probably have the nicest one of all. He’d be set up in a very detailed scene, probably sitting on the floor with parchment laid out in front of him as if he as writing. He would be wearing traditional Chinese clothing, something like this:

I know that this photo isn’t the best photo but the guy is standing up and he shows it off the best! Yao would probably be surrounded by all sorts of artifacts, jewelry and weapons! You can go around his exhibit and read all sots of things about ancient China

Francis was made in a Canadian wax figure factory and the lady who painted his face was French too! But of course, the wax figures in the museum have all adapted to the era they are supposed to be from. I imagine him in something pretty like this:

Personally I like the pink one better, I think it suits him more! Anything from the Rococo/Baroque era works! French fashion has always been beautiful really. His exhibit isn’t that big and it has a velvet rope out in front so no one can touch anything. He’s stood in a room that fits the 1700s, holding his powdered wig as if he’s about to put it on, his hair pulled into a low ponytail with a ribbon to match his waistcoat. You can tell he’s pretentious just staring at him in his little room full of expensive things, a fake window that shines light behind him so he kinda look a like he glows. There’s a description of clothing from the 1700s outside his exhibit with flyers that anyone can take with sewing patterns so you can learn to make your own waistcoat. The only thing wrong with his exhibit is that it hasn’t been dusted in a few weeks…

Antonio’s display is across the hall from Fran’s since the ‘fashion throughout history’ exhibits are small and are all in one long hallway on the way to the World War One & World War Two displays, just to give people something to look at on their way there.

Toni had probably got some beautiful pantaloons on cause why not. I’m not too sure what the origin of pic is it might be Italy not Spain but that’s okay though. I just needed something like this! It looks a bit ridiculous but Toni thinks he looks great and will show off for the ladies from other displays. He’s seen himself in the bathroom mirror before while exploring museum when he was first was shipped in. His display is meant to look like he’s standing outside on a dirt path with little stones embedded into walls beside him, like he’s standing between two houses. The only thing he has next to his display is a plaque with the era his outfit it from and what country he’s from.

Lovi & Feli will be kinda dressed like this! With puffy sleeves from the renaissance era. I know for a fact that this is Italian cause it literally says ‘Italian Gentleman’ on it.

Doesn't he just look spiffy? The two of them will share a display, one of them wearing an outfit more like this and the other will have the cape and hat too to top it all off. Their display will kinda look like one of those ballrooms from Romeo and Juliet but much smaller. They’ll have sewing patterns available along with a plaque outside their display too! I cant imagine that they like sharing their display cause not only is it crowded with both of them there but Lovino will probably want the most attention he can get. Lovi finds many of the kids that go by to be repulsive, he hates how they laugh at his clothes but Feliciano is very accepting, wishing he could move for the little ones.

Y’all thought Ivan was gonna be in some state-of-the-art space suit but no ma’am. This here is one of the first space suits ever:

Does this look safe to you? Nope. But this is what he wears. He’ll have a speaker on the inside that makes it seem like he’s talking in Russian to those watching him as he stands in a ‘space station’. For the kids, there’s an interactive display with touch screens an buttons so they can design their own ship and launch it! Ivan is a favorite among the kiddos and adults but when he comes alive, he finds it very difficult to move in his stiff suit. When he talks, he has to take the helmet off too otherwise his voice is all muffled and strange sounding.

Mattie is part of the WW1 exhibit! He will be sharing his display with ten others! They’re all standing to model uniforms or sitting in model planes. Matt’s would probably be the uniform on the far left, top row.

He kinda stays in his own exhibit at night but otherwise, he likes being around Artie. There’s a screen by his exhibit to show how his plane flew and some other video clips of soldiers running on foot or waving to the camera. Matt thought one of the soldiers in the video was actually him once when he was first brought to the museum. Honestly? He loves being there. He was brought in from a smaller Canadian museum to the US with the other models. 

Kiku’s display would be super cool I think, with all kinds of old swords or katanas along with other models to show off traditional dresses and armor.

I think it’d be great if  Kiku was the main guy in the display, the middle of the room, showing off an outfit like this. There would be a voice recording of a woman explaining what the samurai did and how they fought echoing through the room and people could o around and look at artifacts from this time. Kiku would still be soft spoken of course but he does like how the kids, teens and adults all look at him in awe

Artie’s a model for the British navy. There’s a really cool boat exhibit in a museum I went to about 4 months ago so he’d fit in there pretty well! He’s gonna be wearing the one in the middle since that one seems to be the most formal:

His exhibit is actually pretty cool, it has a movie playing at all times, showing the successes of the British navy and little facts about things like how many ships they have or battles won by the navy alone. Do kids get anything here? not really, maybe just a pamphlet showing off diagrams of the inside of some of the ships. There are boats that people can go inside but Arthur’s isn't one of them.

I couldn't do a night at the museum post and NOT include the Nordics guys! They’d be in traditional viking wear like this:

I know it is just a cosplay and not legit but its the best I could find okay? In their exhibit, its meant to look like a big boat, the floors and walls are made of old wood! There’s a projection of the sky on the ceiling too. The Nordics are set up on a stage all together, showing off what was common to wear back then. Their whole exhibit room is a ‘History of Vikings’ thing so its full of old shields, flags, helmets, etc.

Alfred’s display is pretty cool too. He and maybe six others would be set up to look like they're planning for battle in uniforms like these!

He gets really excited about kids at his display. There are old maps for people to see and battle plans hung on the walls with old muskets and a canon in the center of the room that has a speaker and smoke machine inside so it makes a soft ‘boom’ with smoke blowing out every twenty minutes or so

HCs:

•Alfred tries to ride different animals, like the dinosaurs and lions

•Mattie hates how he looks like Al

•Al doesn’t like Artie too much cause he’s British. The first time they met, Al screamed and tried to shoot him “Taxation without representation!”

•Francis loves the animals that come alive, he lets the birds sit on his shoulders

•Ivan always has trouble taking his space helmet off and needs assistance. Occasionally, the speaker in his suit will go off but there’s nothing he can do about that

•Yao made the security guard teach him how to play the acoustic guitar since all of the traditional Chinese instruments are locked up. He’s doing very good! He wants to teach other people do play like him

•Arthur laughs at Antonio’s clothes all the time “Ha! Balloon thighs!” “¡Puta!”

•Kiku doesn’t talk much but he likes being around the others. He hates when they touch him though so he smacks their hands away

•Fran and Artie fence for fun

•Artie sword fought with Kiku once. Never again. Artie wasn’t ready

•Alfred really loves pranking the security guards, hiding their stuff in random places and blasting loud music over the museum speakers

•^^Ivan hates this music, he says that’s it hurts his ears but no one understands

•The was figures are doing their best to learn English since it’s the dominant language in the museum burn it isn’t going too well since they’re all stubborn

•The Italian twins bicker frequently and everyone knows to just leave them alone cause of you get too close, you might get smacked from the hand gestures

•Everyone gets jealous when they see the security guard eating

•Yao laughed when he saw himself in the mirror for the first time. He liked it a lot cause he didn’t know how he looked for the longest time

•^^Francis would spend all of eternity in front of a mirror, he loves it

•Matthew loves hanging around the other WW1 figures cause they’re from the same era and the same exhibit so they have more to talk about “Did you see that girl with the pigtails earlier? She stuck her gum to the wall!”

•They’ll all get together and gamble sometimes with the change they find on the ground in the halls

•If you’re the security guard, watch out cause you’ll be in for a ride

[styleandsin]

BEST FICS OF 2017 there have been so many amazing fics posted this year, i couldn’t possibly include them all (or read them all), but these are 25 of my personal favorites that i have read! i’m really looking forward to reading the ones i have yet to get to from this year and all the wonderful fics that will be posted in 2018! :) happy reading everyone!

Go Nowhere Tonight by objectlesson (12k)

As always, the easy nonchalance with which he treats the rumors hurts, stabs Harry in the gut, twists the knife. Because it is hard for Harry; it’s hard to know people think they should be or are together because he wants that. Wants it so fucking badly, and it would be one thing if he could just silently quarantine that part of himself and pine secretly, but instead he’s faced with fictionalized accounts of his and Louis’s nonexistent love life and photoshopped pictures of them being coupley every time he’s on the internet. It is hard, and the fact that it supposedly isn’t for Louis functions as proof that it’s unrequited. “It’s gonna be a rude awakening for them,” he starts, gazing into his empty glass, “when we eventually come out but are dating other people. No one likes being half-right.”

—

Or, the aftermath of a very tense dinner party.

That’s How I Know by allwaswell16 (17k)

Louis Tomlinson has just landed his dream job, coaching soccer at Augustus University. When he moves into a new house near campus, he meets his very fit new neighbor, English professor Harry Styles. Although their first meeting leads to an instant mutual dislike, the more Harry gets to know Louis, the more he likes what he sees.

Or the one where Harry’s African grey parrot spills his dirty secrets to his very hot neighbor.

we’ve got to get away from here by suspendrs (23k)

“It is my understanding that you are the most comprehensive member of this agency in the field of extraterrestrial life, is that right?” the agent asks. He’s trying to sound calm, but Louis can tell he’s shaken as well.

“Um, I guess so,” Louis says, glancing over at the man in the blanket again.

Suddenly, Louis’s blood runs cold. There’s something off about the man, something in his gaze, something Louis can’t put his finger on. It’s terribly unsettling, but excitement bubbles in his gut.

Or, Louis is an FBI agent who likes to think himself a paranormal expert, and Harry is the alien that somehow ended up in his office.

Hearts Don’t Break Around Here by sincewewereeighteen (26k)

“Another car has stopped at the beginning of the carpet. People are going to collapse any time soon, and Louis knows why.

Harry Styles has just arrived. And Louis. Well. Louis is a grown man. He curses himself a hundred times for even letting his heart race in his chest. He knew they were bound to meet tonight. What the hell is wrong with him?”

Or: the one in which Harry’s having his big movie debut and Louis sings on its soundtrack.

rivers ‘til i reach you by embodied (29k)

Louis can’t begin to understand how he’s always this close and still can’t manage to make Harry his. He stands up and gets another beer. AU. Louis studies astronomy; Harry studies Louis. They spend their summers on the water and it shouldn’t be complicated (spoiler: it is).

Swallow My Words by YesIsAWorld (32k)

Senior year is stressful. On top of balancing school work, family, and friends, Harry’s lacrosse team is vying to win the state championship, he’s not sure where he’s going to college yet, and he has a secret boyfriend that no one can know about.

Love is the Right Place by chelseafrew (33k)

They met when they were seven and five. Louis was a new kid in a new town and Harry was a blind kid in need of a friend. They hit it off immediately, each of them exactly what the other needed. Over the years, friendship turns to more. Just as their romance blossoms, however, Louis gets an offer which promises fame and fortune far from home. Will they be pulled apart or will their love survive?

Life Was a Song, You Came Along by rainbowninja167 (37k)

It’s embarrassing how long it takes Louis to recognize his own song. Niall had sung it as a bright, hopeful love song, and that’s honestly how Louis had always assumed it should sound. But this new voice, slow and rough, stripped of any backing instrument, has infused the lyrics with just the tumultuous mix of fear and defiance that Louis can remember so clearly from the night he wrote them. It’s not a comfortable thing, to feel like someone is singing all your secrets back to you.

Louis is a songwriter trapped in a lie that could ruin his best friend’s career. Harry owns a record store, distrusts everyone in the music industry on principle, but loves Niall Horan’s newest album. A modern retelling of Singin’ in the Rain.

Looking Through You by allwaswell16 (41k)

Just as Louis and Liam were starting out in the music industry, writing and producing for up and coming artists, a fateful meeting with new pop singer Harry Styles changes everything. Four years later, just as Harry is set to embark on his next world tour, a drunken confession causes a rift between once inseparable friends. As Harry tries to make sense of his feelings for Louis, he begins writing his next album to express them as it may be the only way to break through the walls that Louis has built between them.

Be with me so happily by BriaMaria (42k)

Harry Styles may have had his doubts at first, but by the time the gates to the elephant sanctuary came into view he was one hundred percent positive. Louis Tomlinson hated his guts. Like hated, hated. Like loathed-him-on-sight hated.

From what Harry could tell, he hadn’t even done anything close to insulting enough to warrant the disdain that was Louis Tomlinson’s default expression whenever he looked at Harry. It really wasn’t fair. Especially since he’d been lusting after the man from the second he’d laid eyes on that pretty, pretty face with those pretty, pretty eyes.

Or … the one where Harry Styles has a bad reputation and a heart of gold, and Louis Tomlinson wishes he wasn’t so enchanted by boys who looked like Disney characters and wore shirts with bumble bees on them.

[aka Louis is the director of the Styles Elephant Sanctuary and really doesn’t want to babysit his funder’s spoiled lay-about son for two months]

tangled up in you by missandrogyny (45k)

Harry blinks once. And blinks again. And says, his voice dangerous: “Niall, did you get me a mail-order bride?”

Because what the actual fuck. It kind of looks like Niall’s just purchased a person. For Harry.

Niall blinks back at him for a few moments, before throwing his head back and howling with laughter. Harry throws a pillow at him. Hard. “No, what the fuck, Harry.”

“A prostitute then?” Harry also doesn’t want a prostitute.

“Of course not!”

“A stripper?”

“No!”

Damn, he’s running out of ideas. He settles for launching another pillow at Niall’s head. Niall bats it away easily, still laughing. “Stop!”

“What did you get me, then?!” Niall must hear the tinge of hysteria in his voice, because he’s pulling himself together, trying to stop himself from laughing.

There’s still a big grin on his face, though, when he says, “I got you a professional cuddler.”

A professional…what. “What?”

The Little Things That Keep Us Going by panda_bear21 (46k)

Harry wakes up in the hospital, unable to remember his children’s first steps, their hugs, their stories. Or the soft way their babysitter always used to smile and laugh with him.He knows he’s not recalling something important, a lot of things that are important. But he wants to know what they are so incredibly badly… wants to know why his heart is set ablaze, warm and fluttering, every time Louis looks at him.

Love’s Truest Language by summerwine (48k)

The first part was meant as a joke. He didn’t really expect Harry to buy anything. It was just Louis’ way of softening the ‘get the fuck out’ blow.

“Where’s your order forms, then?”

“I don’t want your flowers.” Louis chided before directing all of his attention to the arrangement in front of him.

Harry laughed under his breath as he stood to his full height, “Who said anything about them being for you, love?”

We’ll Be Seamless by dinosaursmate (52k)

Green reblogged an old photo of himself. It was from back in October, a Halloween special. A pulse shot all the way through Louis because this photo was his absolute favourite, and it had taken the rest of the year for him to wean himself off of it.

Green was on his knees, arms stretched out in front of him with his fingertips digging into the surface of his bed. He was wearing a pair of cat ears on his head, his curls falling forward. His back was arched, and in the foreground of the picture, Green’s bum was high in the air, a long, black cat tail sitting neatly between his cheeks. — Louis spends all his spare time scrolling arty nude blogs on Tumblr but amongst them all, Green is his favourite.

Here, There, and Everywhere by harioandlouigi (54k)

Louis was in a rut. He was still living in the same small Texas town he’d hated all his life, he was about to graduate with a degree he’d never been interested in, and he was hooking up with a guy he didn’t even like just because it was probably his only chance to be with another man.

And then someone else’s overindulgences triggered a series of events that lead to where Louis is now, touring the world as a roadie for Harry Styles.

I Walk the Line by Awriterwrites (55k)

Professor Louis Tomlinson is the leading researcher in his field. Harry Styles is Louis’ recently hired grad assistant. Sparks fly between them but something doesn’t add up when it comes to Harry, and Louis is determined to find out what.

What happens when everything Louis thought he knew comes crashing down around him? Is he doomed to repeat his past mistakes? Or will he learn to follow his heart and find a way to forge his own path, alongside someone he’s not sure he can trust, but who might just be the best thing to ever happen to him.

Never Let Me Go by loveisalaserquest17 (55k)

“Harry! I’ll tell you what,” Louis exclaims, clapping his hands together. There’s a big grin on his face. “If both of us are still single by your thirtieth birthday, we’ll marry each other.”

Harry’s head snaps up, eyes widening. “What?” Harry and Louis have been friends forever, but they couldn’t be more different. One night, with a little too much alcohol, they make a pact to marry in ten years if they’re both still single. Now, one month before the deadline, Louis is willing to do whatever it takes to avoid ending up with his best friend. But is he, really? | Loosely inspired by The 10 Year Plan

Falling For Me Won’t Be A Mistake by Rearviewdreamer (58k)

Harry is married to his job and so overworked that he doesn’t know how to stop. All it takes is a forced Hawaiian get-a-away, the warm tropical breeze of the island, and the most beautiful, elusive man he’s ever seen to make him remember what living is like outside of work. Well, that, and the little souvenir he accidentally takes home with him.

Don’t Want Shelter by FullOnLarrie (76k)

Louis and Harry have known each other all their lives. Friends as children, they danced around each other as teenagers, and have spent the last twenty-five years either screaming at each other or not speaking at all. Except for that one time ten years ago…When Hurricane Nicole threatens the coast, they end up stuck together in their families’ old vacation home that they begrudgingly co-own.During the storm, and in the months after, they’re both forced to reevaluate their history and what they mean to each other.

Perfect Storm by cherrystreet (80k)

What do you do when your best friend asks you and your (now) ex to be the best men at his destination wedding? You can either tell him the truth, tell him you’re not together anymore, and deal with the consequences, or you can pretend you’re still together and roll with it, just pray you don’t spiral. Fake it ‘til you make it. You know, for the sake of the wedding.

Harry and Louis choose the latter.

through struggles, to the stars by thedeathchamber (80k)

Louis is a Starfleet captain trying to find his place in the universe. Harry is a prince just trying to do what’s right.

A Star Trek-inspired AU.

Pour Your Heart Out by hrrytomlinson (92k)

Louis is his soulmate. Or at least Harry thinks he is. Louis feels the same as Louis. But there are a lot of people named Louis in the world and this Louis might not be the Louis. It’s besides the point though, because Harry knows he can’t allow himself to get close to any boys. He just can’t and he’s told himself this multiple times. He has to simply stay away from Louis Tomlinson. But he can’t. Harry Styles can never stay away from Louis Tomlinson. It’s physically impossible for him to.

Resist Everything Except Temptation by domesticharry (100k)

The lethargic sound of heels clicking against wood resonated across the sea. Footsteps descended the staircase, every assured step creating a menacing aura as it grew closer. Perspiration gathered along Louis’ palms as the rhythmic sound halted in front of him.

“Captain,” Malik greeted.

Louis watched out of his peripheral as Malik’s boots shuffled back a few steps. Sweat matted the hair along the nape of Louis’ neck as he waited for something to happen. He felt as if a sharp blade was twisting his gut as the silence became tangible. There was a metallic slide of a sword being pulled out of its sheath, the sound startling Louis out of his cocoon of sterile shock. His shoulders jumped as the tip of a blade flattened underneath his jaw. Louis’ distorted reflection stared back at him in the polished metal. Engraved rose petals twisted his appearance as they crawled up the length of the sword. The sword lifted and took Louis’ chin with it.

Standing in front of Louis was Captain Styles.

Or the one where Louis is the commodore’s son who is forced to become a part of Harry’s crew when he is captured.

got the sunshine on my shoulders by hattalove (124k)

five years ago, harry styles left his tiny home town to make it big as a recording artist. he didn’t have much regard for what he left behind - a life, a family, and a husband, who woke up one morning to find him gone.

now, harry has everything he could possibly want: he’s rich, famous, and adored by everyone he meets, including his boyfriend. but when said boyfriend proposes to him, he’s forced to face the uncomfortable facts of his past - and louis, who’s spent the last five years returning every set of divorce papers harry sent him.

(or, an au based on the movie sweet home alabama.)

Your Mess Is Mine by amory (176k)

Louis is the father to the most brilliant little boy in the world who is all Louis really needs, or at least that’s what he tells himself. Harry is a gorgeous boybander fresh off a two year break and a massive scandal that’s left him a little broken and more than ready to move on.

They fall in love.

[sjjms]

pretending | part 1

pairing: yugyeomxreader length: 2.2k words genre: slight angst and fluff summary: how hard could it be to hide that you’re in a relationship?

preview part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6 part 7 part 8 part 9 part 10 final

[a couple of weeks after the preview]

“Jaebum and Yugyeom will be accompanying you to the awards, as the two of them have been asked to present an award and perform the ost, which you already knew about.” Your eyes focused on your reflection in the mirror, as Aera was touching up on your lips, she had decided to go for a deep red for this award show. She had chosen to go for a long black dress with a plunging neckline, it would certainly make Yugyeom glare at you when you weren’t looking.

“Shall we go for the line or hoop earrings?” She asks, carefully pulling the choker around your neck; she managed to clasp the back as you chose the hoop earrings. The silver earrings dangled down first before the hoop at the end, they were your favourite pair of earrings since Yugyeom was the one that gave them to you. He also gave you a bracelet which was just a thin silver bangle, since many other idols wore them both men and women. You could openly wear both pieces of jewelry, without drawing attention to yourself. “Picture time, I love the award season.” Aera squealed with excitement, as she placed the black heels in front of you.

You took Aera's hand to help you up, you never liked to wear heels, even if it was in your job description. Hopefully, you would be able to hold onto someone’s arm. “The car will be here in a couple of minutes.” You made your way over to the white wall in the makeup room, you were always unsure why you had to get ready at the company then go. But since two other people were coming with you, it was probably easier to go from the company.

“Done.” She handed you back your phone after transferring the photos to hers. “The blog post should be uploaded tonight.” As Aera was your stylist and makeup artist. She uploaded your outfit and makeup look onto her blog since many of your fans were curious about the things you wore. It seemed to bring publicity for the company in a good way, so they really didn't have much problem with it.

“The car is waiting,” Daeho announced entering the room, his jaw dropped literally when he caught a glimpse of you. “Isn’t that a bit risky? You’ve always worn simple outfits.” You hadn’t decided this outfit, Aera had.

“But doesn’t she look good? It fits in with her theme of her new album, besides she’ll match with Yugyeom.” Your eyes widened knowing the door was open and voices could travel, she also realised her mistake. “And Jaebum, both of them are wearing black suits. Honestly, you fit in with the theme of going to a masquerade ball, all you're missing is the masks.”

“Masquerade balls sound fun though, put that up for a concept idea.” You mutter, you’ve always personally wanted to attend a party like that. No one would know your identity, you would be able to get away with pretty much anything.

“For you or a group in general? I mean if the company wants to do a gentleman’s concept, or use it for a concept for girls. I think it would work better for a gentleman’s type concept.” He was rambling, you started to laugh imagining the thought of that coming into place.

“Let’s just go, we don’t want to be the last people to arrive.” You didn’t want to be the first people to arrive either, coming during the middle was just about right. People were there so you could talk to other actors and actresses if you wanted to. “Can someone help me.” You were walking very unsteadily towards Daeho, you did wear heels yesterday. Then again these were slightly higher than all the ones you’ve worn before. You wouldn't be surprised if you ended up being taller than Yugyeom tonight.

You took Daeho’s arm walking down the hallway past the other dressing room, seeing people already packing away their things to go to the awards. The two of them must be waiting in the car for you, you thought to yourself. “You look so pretty!” One of the stylists from the group yelled, you smile back at her and bowed a little; feeling slightly embarrassed in moments like these. You heard the car roaring up as you made your way outside, keeping your head down to enter the car. You sat down in the seat beside the door before looking up to meet a glare.

The glare came from Yugyeom as he was sitting in the seat next to yours, your peripheral vision spotted Jaebum in the back on his phone. Once you were comfortable in the seat, his eyes fell down to the neckline of the dress. "You're showing a lot of skin tonight," Yugyeom mutters, the anger already flaring up in his voice.  

“Aera chose my outfit, the only thing I chose was my accessories.” Showing him the bracelet on your wrist and the earrings seemed to calm him down a little. He would be glaring at everyone if they even tried to look or even talk to you tonight. You take his hand in yours, as the car pulled out of the company. “Let’s just try to enjoy tonight, okay? Since we’re finally allowed to sit by each other at an event like this.” You smile at him to reach his cheek, touching it gently.

“I would kiss you but you have lipstick on,” Yugyeom replies, a laugh fell past your lips.

“I’m glad they asked me to come along, someone needs to watch the two of you,” Jaebum mutters. You and Yugyeom turned to scowl at him, in sync with each other. “You two scare me,” Jaebum whispers, looking back down at his phone.

“What award are you presenting?”

“Best actress, maybe you’ll win it if we’re presenting it.” It was a nice thought, that you might have luck on your side. You considered Yugyeom being your lucky charm, since every time he was by your side something good happens.

“Maybe… is your voice ready to sing? You were expressing your thoughts very loudly last night.” Luckily you had a large apartment and soundproof walls; so the neighbours didn’t usually hear a thing.

“You were just as loud.” He smirks, you tried to remain calm. To not let your cheeks be absorbed in red before having to walk down the carpet.

“I’m right here.” Jaebum loudly announces that was your fault even when you had only slightly hinted at it. It was clearly still noticeable to others.

“Sorry, it looks like we’re almost there.” You look out of the tinted windows, recognising the buildings that were around this part of Seoul, you were still surrounded by tall buildings but they felt more different around here. The streets began to get more crowded the more the car drove up the street.

“Show time,” Yugyeom mutters, he lets go of your hand, waiting for the door to open up. “I think this is the most nervous I’ve been.” You smile at him, seeing how his hands were shaking slightly. You found it cute, his shy side was showing.

The door opened up to let in the loud screaming fans, a smile was instantly put on your face. Even if they weren’t here to see you, it was just your usual work look. Yugyeom stepped out of the car first, followed by you. He offered out his hand, so you were able to step down from the car. Jaebum followed behind the both of you before bowing to everyone. The two of them walked ahead as you struggled to wear your heels, meaning you ended up walking a slower pace to them. Yugyeom turned around to check you where you were, seeing as you were slow and Jaebum had almost reached the stairs. He walked over to you, allowing you to grab onto his arm.

You were able to finish walking up the carpet and into the warm building, you never did realise how cold it was out there until you came inside. You climbed up the stairs with ease as Yugyeom was able to help you, he no longer cared about his image at this point. You needed help and he was someone who could. “You seem to be having trouble walking.” The mc joked lightly, you laughed as he did. He placed the microphone near your mouth, waiting for a response.

“Ah yes, these heels are higher than the ones I usually wear.” You reply smiling. The mc continued to laugh at your reply, as you got into position to pose for the photos. Letting go of Yugyeom’s arm to stand in the middle of the two men, he glanced over to you a little to show his disappointment.

“What is going to be your pose for tonight?”

“Finger hearts?” Jaebum looked at the two of you waiting for your approval, you nodded your head placing one of your arms behind your back. Crossing your thumb and first finger, putting it out in front of you as the other two did. Your gaze fell across the rows of cameras and people that were just crowded in front of you, it baffled you a little to see this after a few months. But at least you weren’t walking the carpet alone. Posing left and right for each side. Jaebum was given the microphone again to say a few words, “We wish the best of luck to everyone that is attending.” Bowing once again to everyone, Yugyeom had already put his arm out for you in anticipation allowing you to walk down the stairs without too much trouble.

X

You still wore your dress around your apartment, long after the event ended. You had placed the award you received for best actress, on your dining room table; at least you had something in the centre now. Yugyeom was right, you did end up winning the award. But the highlight of tonight was your performance, you admired the simplicity of your performance. It was just the three of you standing on stage, singing. It had become one of your favourite performances.

Hearing the security code being pressed in and the door unlocked, you let your body slump against the kitchen counter. You poured yourself a glass of wine since Yugyeom was going to be present, even when he usually finds you drinking from the bottle. You felt his fingers pull your hair to one side of your neck, letting him trace your collarbone with ease. With this overwhelming sensation already, you closed your eyes shut in preparation.

His lips softly press against your neck, your fingers starting to run through his hair enjoying this small little moment. He pulled away to lean his head on your shoulder, “I can stay the night.” Your eyes flickered open, he was serious right? Not playing his games with you? You were surprised at how quickly your emotions snapped.

“Why? How? Can we go to sleep right now?” You didn’t like to sound or feel desperate, however just this once you wanted Yugyeom to be able to wake up with you in his arms. Have a somewhat normal relationship with your boyfriend because it destroyed you, seeing him in the hallway and not being able to hold his hand or hug him. Not being able to kiss him whenever you see him, to just wish him luck. Seeing him with other girls, all of them clearly not giving him enough space or they do something advantageous towards him. If he knew all of this, he would do something stupid. Tears fell from your eyes noticeably by him, his fingers wiped them away quickly.

“What’s wrong?” He turned you towards him, looking down into your eyes.

“You won’t leave me, right? For some… I don’t know. Someone prettier or better than me.” Yugyeom chuckled and pulled you into his chest. He left a kiss on the top of your head, keeping his lips there.

“I won’t leave you, I promise. I know that we’re going through a tough time right now, but we’ll spend more time together soon.” Yugyeom whispers, the words he said to you seemed to be a comfort because you believed him. His arms around you became tighter in a good way, he seemed to be trying his hardest to soothe you. You were thankful for that, you were both in this together and hopefully, it would make it through. “It’s been a long day, we should get some sleep. A full night of cuddling.” It sounded good to you and he actually said it for once.

“Don’t sneak out in the middle of the night, I expect you to be still there when I wake up.” You warn harshly with a smile on your face, watching and hearing the chuckle come from Yugyeom. He swiftly picked you up into his arms and carried you across your apartment into the bedroom, his leg kicking the door shut. He was planning on making you be extremely loud after wearing that dress which attracted the attention of every person in sight.

"Just a quick warning, you won't be able to walk tomorrow after wearing that dress tonight."

[littledonkeyburrito]

That is so specific and no

1. Do you eat dessert after dinner? I don’t actually eat that much sweet stuff although I’ll often eat a mandarin after a meal 2. What is the fastest you have ever gone in a car? 200kph in germany when I was a kid. I probably shouldn’t have to specify, but I was not driving   

3. If the last female you talked to told you that she was pregnant, what would you say to her? "How?” 4. If the last male you talked to told you that he was going to be a father, what would you say to him? "congrats on getting laid”

5. Who were the last people you had a group conversation with on Facebook? @aturinfortheworse​, @intimidatethevoid​ and @thefreegladelancer​

6. Have you ever had too much to drink and felt embarrassed about your behavior the next day? Several times

7. Have you ever gone into school or work with a hangover? Work yeah a few times with a mild hangover 8. What was the last thing your parents gave you money for? I asked to borrow money to survive until I go back to australia and start work again so I can pay it back 9. ho was the last person you took a photo of? Me 10. What’s the shortest song you have on your iPod? See you tonight - Green Day is the shortest I have on itunes. There’s more on my ipod but there’s no way I’m going to that effort for this question. 11. Who was the last new artist you came across that you really liked? Molotov, but mostly their relatively newer stuff. Also DLD 12. What was the last video you watched on YouTube? Sed - División Minúscula 13. How old’s the last male you messaged? 23 14. When you go out drinking, what do you prefer to drink? Beer, cider or rum&coke 15. What color was the last mug you drank out of? The only mug I have in my apartment. It’s from ikea and it has drawings of space and planets on it. 16. Is there a food or drink that you haven’t had before but would like to try? I totally should have tried dog while I was in southern china a few years ago. I’m always open to try new things 17. When was the last time you saw or spoke to someone you dislike? Thursday. The creepy boss guy from the telemarketing job (which I finally got paid for). He was always fine in the office but you could tell he’s a total sleaze and you would absolutely avoid him outside the office. 18. Does that person know you dislike them? Probably not. It’s not a strong dislike, I’d just rather not be around him, which is not a problem because I don’t work there anymore 19. Has anyone told you recently that they fancy you? No. Although the other day I did get a few guys stare at me which was unusual 20. If you were told that you were going to spend the rest of your life with the last person you kissed, would that make you happy? The rest of my life? I certainly don’t know him well enough to commit to that but I would defs be happy to see him again. 21. Who was your first boy/girlfriend and do you still talk to them? A guy I was friends with when I was 14. I have him on facebook I think but we haven’t spoken in many years 22. If you married the last person that liked your Facebook status, what would your new last name be? Coleman. But I really don’t think I’m going to marry my dad’s best friend.

23. Tell me about the first five photos you have on your phone or camera. 1) a photo to show how close my food is kept to where I use my laptop 2) The cinema screen yesterday to send to my mum to tell her that, yes, they did play the 20 fucking minute olaf the snowman animation before Coco. 3) whiteboard in the telemarketing office from when I stopped in to pick up my cash. I noticed they had a new office phone number so I took a photo of it to google later. I assume they changed it because the old one kept getting posted on scam forums. 4) A nice view down a street 5) The square near my house with the christmas lights lit up

24. When was the last time you had wet hair? Now

25. Describe your handbag. I don’t use handbags. A few years ago I went on holiday to melbourne with a few guy friends and as we went out one day I had my bag and they all had absolutely nothing I was super jealous. So the next day I went and bought a wallet to fit in my pocket and never looked back. If I have to carry a lot of stuff I use a backpack.

26. Have you ever been to the beach? If so, tell me the name of the beach you last went to and when. The last beach I went to was in the Bocas Del Toro archipelago in Panama. I don’t think I’ve even walked down to the beach here since I got back.

27. Do you have an unhealthy obsession with colored furry throw pillows that are different shapes and sizes? That is so specific and no.

28. Which passes by your house / street more often: a bus, a train, or an airplane? closest bus would be 100m at least, train is ~300m and planes come in from the ocean, not over the city. But only the street cleaners and occasional motorbike actually come down my street

29. Can you sleep without any covers on, or do you need at least a sheet covering you, even if it is really hot outside?29.  I can sleep in just about any scenario

30. How many languages can you say ‘love’ in? english, spanish, italian, german. Portuguese is probably the same or very similar to spanish.

31. What’s on your “things to buy” list for the near future? Belt, umbrella, more undies. My life is so exciting

32. Do you know how to surf at all? I know the basics, in theory, but I have only tried surfing twice

33. How many times have you been kissed? Too many to count

34. How tall is the last person you kissed? Pretty tall. Maybe 6′2″?

35. If your parents read your texts right now, would you be in trouble? Why the fuck are my parents going to care that I, an independent 23 year old, am asking friends for videogame suggestions?

36. Were you single over last summer? Ehh pretty much

37. What did you do yesterday? I went to see Coco

38. Have you had sex with more than 5 people this month? This month? Fuck, I’m not that good at attracting attention from boys. I was proud of 5 in a year

39. Could you handle living with the last guy you messaged? We’d probably be pretty good flatmates actually

40. What’s your mother’s favorite color? It depends a lot on the context of the colour, but in general she likes yellow. The colours she wears most are purple, green and orange.

41. Honestly, are things going the way you planned? No, but that’s not always a bad thing. I never thought I’d have half the experiences I’ve had from travelling

42. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? No.

43. Would you spend a whole night with the last person you kissed? I would, gladly

44. How would life be if someone took away your cell phone? I would be pissed because I don’t have the money to replace it

45. If you were to paint the sky another color, what would it be? I’m not sure you understand how the sky works. It cannot be painted.

46. Have you ever been attracted to someone very unattractive? Attractiveness is subjective

47. Have you ever tried cocaine or heroine? coke yes, heroin never have never will

48. Are you scared of being alone in big cities? No. I am always alone in a big city

49. Does your phone slide or flip? lmao how old is this?

50. Can you speak any languages other than English? Puedo hablar español, pero no hablo muy bien

51. When you were younger, did your parents ever let you open a few presents before Christmas arrived? Mum would let me and my brother open our gift from our grandparents on christmas eve.

52. Do you really care how many friends you or anyone else has on Facebook? No but I go on a deleting spree a couple times a year so it generally stays around 200-250

53. Last person/people to play (an) instrument(s) in your presence? Which? I probably walked past a busker in the metro last time I went to the grocery store

54. When, where, and to whom did you lose your virginity? About 4 years ago, in my bed, to a guy I was friends with at the time

55. Last song you sang in the shower? I don’t sing in the shower because I’m pretty sure you’d be able to hear me from the building stairwell. I don’t need to inflict that on people

56. Have you eaten any fruit today? I had a mandarin earlier. I fucking love mandarins

57. How many houses have you lived in? Since I moved out of my parent’s place, I’ve lived in 5 houses/apartments

58. What colour is the last lighter you used? Blue

59. Last thing you threw in the garbage? Beer can but it was more of a gentle toss

60. When was the last time you sat in the back seat of a car? Whenever I last got a cab or uber

61. Have you ever cried in a movie theater? Yesterday while I was watching Coco...

62. Starting in what grade were crayons excluded from your school supply list? Why on earth would that be significant enough for me to remember into adulthood?

63. Do you have anything from IKEA in your room? so much

64. Are you excited to live on your own? I was pretty keen and it’s been awesome. People suck and living alone is amazing.

65. Next movie you’ll watch? Paddinton 2. The first one was so good

66. Now what are you listening to? Adiós - Ricky Martin

67. What job would you NEVER take, even as a last resort? I would never try telemarketing again. 68. If someone looked in your closet, how would they judge your style? They’d think I was fancy because the only clothes actually in my wardrobe are my suits. The rest are on my shelves.

69. The boy/girl you truly care about needs you at 3:00 a.m., would you go? My bank account would say no 70. What’s the largest age difference between yourself and someone you’ve dated? Dated? 4 years. Slept with? More than 4 years...

71. When did you meet the last male you texted? 2012

72. Your phone is ringing. It’s your ex. Do you answer? Yes because it must be important

73. What are you currently hearing? Aprender A Quererte - Morat

74. Are you a bad influence? On occasion

75. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone? Now that it’s winter it would be nice to have some warm to cuddle with

76. If the last person you kissed were calling you right now, would you answer? Yes

77. Who is your favorite family member on your mom’s side? Maybe my little cousin Jimmy. My whole family are pretty great though

78. Where is the last person you kissed? Somewhere in Costa Rica I assume

79. This time last year were you dating or talking to someone? I was seeing a guy

80. Who saw your last kiss? Nobody. It was like 4:30am and in a hotel room

81. Do you know anyone who still doesn’t have a smartphone? My grandma

82. Have you ever been on a cruise? Technically I have been on a cruise ship. At work one time I had to go up the gangway to talk to a crew member and get them to radio someone. But I don’t think I would pay money to be on one because I know how often they have gastro outbreaks.

83. Have you ever had an x-ray? Dental x-rays. Fun fact: I have 2 less adult teeth than I should because they just never grew. I am missing bones.

84. What is one food you couldn’t live without? Chilli

85. When was the last time you were at a church and why? I think I went into a church in Bogotá to have a look

86. What are your views on abortion? It is great that it’s an option

87. Do you believe in sex before marriage? Definitely

88. If you had to choose, what one country would you most like to visit? At the moment I really want to visit Mexico or Madagascar but would also like to go back and see more of Costa Rica and Colombia

89. Have you ever seen anyone die? Yeah, at the music festival I went to in July. An aerial dancer fell about 30m at the main stage and he died

90. Did you eat a cookie today? Yes

91. Do you like the snow? Quite a lot

92. Would you prefer a thunderstorm or for it to be snowing? Either would be fantastic. Snow is awesome, but I do miss tropical storms from home. They don’t really happen here. Got a couple in central america though 93. Remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed? I sure do

94. What kind of pants are you wearing? Jeans

95. What are the names of all the people you have dated? Depends on definition. At the least, there was Corey and Michael. Fortunately those are pretty damn common names so I don’t mind sharing. The others who are less definite also have less common names.

96. Will you be under the influence of alcohol today? If I could be bothered going to the shop then I would be drunk right now

[croissantbae]

My Brother’s Wedding

It was Jimmy’s wedding on Sunday (12/1).  He had his wedding at the same venue that Jason and I got married at, Bel Air Bay Club.  Jason and I were planning on getting an Airbnb in Santa Monica for Saturday because we had to be there for rehearsal and we could then easily make our way over to the venue the next day.  I made plans to see my friend Jess since we were going to be on the west side but we totally pussied out (Jess must think I’m a nutcase at this point because I’ve canceled plans so many times).  Instead Jason stayed at home with her for about 6 hours.  To his credit he did an amazing job.  Since she doesn’t take the bottle he mixed formula with some broccoli mash and she took it like a champ.  They had a great day together and I got to enjoy my brother’s rehearsal.  Originally he planned on having me walk in with my mom but then I got demoted to just sitting in the front row and essentially having no part of the ceremony lol (except I got a hug during the honoring of the family part).  Instead, my mom walked in with Christine’s grandma, which to be honest is more normal.  At the rehearsal I strangely felt emotional.  I told my mom I thought I’d cry and she asked me why.  I said because it’s goodbye, in a sense.  He’s going to have a new primary family unit. On top of that, I felt some grief for them, for the people that should have been in their lives that were missing.  

The next day (aka the wedding day), Jason and I were a team with a plan. We  washed the sheet for the pack and play, packed up the pack and play, books, diapers, toys, clothes, pajamas, the baby monitor, baby head phones (so she wouldn’t be bothered by the loud noise from the speakers).  You name it, we packed it up.  I did some last minute scramble shopping for a new dress because Jason said the dress I was planning on wearing made me look like I was Elsa.  I honestly would’ve still worn it but it was pretty cold so I got a long sleeve dress that was warmer instead - it was a dress I grabbed while in panic mode while waiting in line to pay.  When I got home I rushed to get ready but managed to pull it all together, EXCEPT for my eyelashes.  I got some fake lashes from Sephora.  They looked really long but it was the mildest option they had so I went with it.  When I tried it on, however, I looked insane. I took one of them off and re-did it in the car because we didn’t have time.  When we got to the venue we checked into our hotel room, changed Naya and continued to get ready.  My eyelashes were a disaster so I had to do my make-up all over again since my eye make-up got ruined while trying to put it on and take it off again.  Dayae was there and I had her do my make-up for me instead. She did a much better job and we ended up switching eyelashes to another pair that I had used before.  Overall it was better but whenever I smiled it gave me ssangapool (double eyelids) and I looked freaky.  Literally all of the photos are ruined because of it (see pictures posted separately).  The only way I could look normal is if I tried to relax my eyes so it wouldn’t form (see picture with Dayae where I’m leaning my face back).  I felt super rushed but the ceremony was about to start so we went to our seats. It was also Naya’s nap time so she started getting a bit cranky.  I wasn’t sure how she’d do sitting in the front seat with us but we risked it anyway.  

Ceremony begins and soon enough Christine (the bride) is walking down the aisle.  It was a ridiculously beautiful setting. Since it was December, it was a little overcast but orange and pink hues broke through the clouds, creating a gorgeous scene.  Then as Christine walks down, she’s crying and Jimmy is crying seeing her, and I look over at Jason and he’s crying.  It was all so sweet but I had zero tears.  I was like, alright just wait for the hug when they honor the family. I bet it’ll be water works then.  But even then I had no tears.  And I realized it was because I was purely just happy for them.  I got to hang out with Christine during Thanksgiving and it was really nice seeing them together and being able to get to know her a little more too.  I could see why they fit.  During the ceremony they said their own vows and it was the best part of the whole shebang.  Jimmy said when he decided, in college, to be a pastor, he told her, ‘are you ready to eat ramen everyday for the rest of our lives?’ and she told him, ‘i’m going to be a nurse so i’ll be your sugar mama’ (but then they both became pastors).  I think because they’re both pastors, they’re used to public speaking.  They were funny, touching, interesting.  I honestly felt nothing but happiness for them and excitement for their future.  The second best part of the wedding was the best man speeches.  Jonathan went first and you could tell how much he loved and cherished Jimmy. Adriel went second and it was just SO CUTE.  Those little boys grew up well.  

Anyway, Naya took a 20 minute nap during the cocktail hour and then woke up and never went back to sleep.  We went back to the hotel room trying to sleep her at her bed time but she just wouldn’t go down and we didn’t have the heart to put her in the pack and play.  Jason and I looked at each other “should we just go home?” we asked each other and for a good two minutes we went back and forth.  The hotel room was $375, we made plans to see another one of our friends on the west side the next day, we could manage one night right? WRONG.  We could not.  We had started sleep training her a week prior and we just didn’t want to lose all the work we had put in so we packed up our shit in a minute and rushed on out of there.  Luckily this friend is the number one baby sleep advocate so if anyone was going to get it, she would (and she did).  We went home and we both 100% knew it was the right decision.  Also Jimmy and Christine ended up using the hotel room anyway so it was not a waste.  

This post was a lot of nonsense about how rushed and stressed I was getting ready for the wedding and making sure Naya was sleeping. It doesn’t convey how much love and joy I felt at the wedding for my brother and Christine but it was there.  It was a joyous event.  I am so proud of the person that little Jimmy has become.  I actually wrote him an email after the wedding to tell him how happy I was for him and proud I am of him.  I also told him that I was sorry if it ever felt like I discouraged him from doing the things he really wants to (like pastoring).  I obviously have opinions on what I think he should pursue or at least try but he’s a grown-up now and I fully believe that he is doing what’s best for him (and that its up to him decide what that is).  Also Naya got so much love.  She was passed around to adoring cousins and ajummas/ajushis and it was so sweet (though some wouldn’t let her go lol).  I am so thankful to have a loving community surrounding our family.

People asked if it was weird having their wedding at the same venue as ours but it wasn’t at all.  It was such a different experience.  On our wedding day we were so preoccupied taking photos and greeting people that I didn’t really see a lot of stuff.  This time I could actually enjoy the scenery. I got to partake in passed hors d’oeuvres during cocktail hour and see the inside of one of the hotel rooms, etc.  It was nice to be able to come back.