#I’m just saying words but. Ugh

[tragedykery]

I ❤️ self-loathing characters, characters who struggle with monstrosity (either fearing or embracing it), characters who are so lonely, who have a gaping hole in their chest, who bottle up & repress their feelings, who claw their way up & have ambitions, who fall down & lose everything, who search for identity & purpose yet can’t see themselves outside of what others want from or expect of them, who are hurt & hurt others, who long & grieve, who lie & pretend. characters who are messy & flawed & human

[flowercrowngods]

in which eddie is semi-nonverbal and steve notices despite eddie’s best efforts. cuddles ensue | 1.8k

They’re hanging out at Eddie’s, just the two of them, when Steve notices it for the first time. He’s not known as the most perceptive guy ever, but he’s actually rather good at these things. And he’s starting to get good at getting a feel for Eddie, too, even though it’s made harder by his dramatics and his flourishes and all those exaggerated gestures, mimics and mood swings. Eddie is fluent in all things sarcasm and drama, both of which Steve had issues reading in the beginning but is now pretty good with.

After fighting an interdimensional monster wizard creep, nearly dying a few times and spending time together almost every day because we stick together now, Steve knows Eddie.

He’s not sure if they’re friends, exactly, but that doesn’t really stop him from knowing all of his tones, his moods, and even most of his music these days. Steve just watches. Listens. Remembers. He’s shit at talking about himself much around anyone but Robin, but he always makes a point of knowing as much as he can about his friends. And Eddie.

Which is why the sudden strain in Eddie’s voice catches him off guard. It’s not the I didn’t get any sleep last night because all I can think of is how I almost died kinda strain. Nor is it the It’s 5pm and I haven’t eaten yet and I don’t want you to find out kind. Steve still makes sure to make them sandwiches as he listens to Eddie rambling off about something or other.

And that’s the thing. Steve listens. He always does, but Eddie is rambling. And he sounds almost miserable about it. The words don’t make sense, they lack their usual enthusiasm when Eddie talks DnD or music — which, he’s doing both? There’s no connection. And when Steve turns around, sandwiches secondary to that fucking strain in Eddie’s voice, he sees that his eyes are dull. The smile forced. And he keeps talking even though his tone indicates that he’s done.

Steve frowns slightly and watches Eddie, who’s walking mindlessly, aimlessly, pacing and stopping every few seconds, looking a little lost every time he does.

The thing is, there is no reason for Eddie to talk. No point to his words. No calculation in his movement, no burning off of excess energy, no kick in his step, no stomp for emphasis.

Steve notices. He sees. He listens. And thinking back, Eddie’s reaction time to just about anything Steve said today was either close to nothing, or very delayed.

It dawns on him then, as he looks Eddie up and down, noticing the fidgeting hands, the tense shoulders, the stiff grimace of a smile. It dawns on him because he knows this look, this behaviour. Not exactly like this, but close.

He has a hunch and hopes that whatever they have built over the past weeks is strong enough for Eddie not to freak out on him over this.

“Eddie,” Steve interrupts him, and it shouldn’t be this easy. It wouldn’t be, normally, but today Eddie just shuts up immediately, mouth closed, eyes on Steve.

“Yeah?” Four seconds. That’s how long that word took.

Steve hopes the expression on his face is kind, not patronising. “You know you don’t have to do this, right?”

Eddie blinks. Swallows. Two, three, four. “Do what, Steve?” And immediately he is defensive, taking on an act because maybe that’s makes this easier for him, but even his performance is strained.

“You don’t have to talk all the time,” he says, and only realises once the words have left his mouth that they sound wrong, like he’s annoyed with Eddie’s constant babbling and needs some silence. Which he doesn’t.

Eddie scoffs before he can take it back. He scoffs, spins in a circle and sighs deeply, expertly bridging the four seconds it takes him once again to open his mouth and speak.

“Oh, that’s new! That’s new, Harrington, I’ve never heard that one before. What’s next, you gonna call me a Freak? Maybe tell me the bands I listen to aren’t music? Really sorry, man, and I hate to break it to you, but if you wanna hang out with someone who doesn’t ‘have to talk all the time’, I’m not your man!”

Even the anger seems dull, the little speech far from what it could have been, like Eddie’s brain isn’t quite there, like it doesn’t work today, like the words just won’t come and decide to leave him hanging with his failed dramatics.

Still, Steve approaches him slowly, his hands raised in a placating motion. “That’s not what I meant, and I’m sorry it came out wrong, Eds. I don’t mind your talking, you gotta believe me. But…”

How does he say this next part, this next assumption, without accidentally insulting Eddie again? Without sounding like a complete and total jackass?

“You know El, right? The one with the superpowers?”

Eddie nods.

“Well, when she came to us, she could, like, barely talk. Her vocabulary wasn’t there yet, sure, but that’s not the only reason. And now she’s made wonderful progress and her vocabulary is pretty decent, but still she gets those days where she just… She can’t talk. Or won’t. Maybe both. Sometimes both, yeah. And on some days she will, like, force herself. But I can tell when she does because she’s miserable about it and it sounds like hard labour and she’s always on the verge of tears about it. And… I don’t know, Eds, but you kinda look a lot like her now, and even if you don’t, which is fine, sorry for bringing that up, but even if you don’t have days like that, just know that you don’t always have to talk, yeah? One way or another, there’s not a price you have to pay in stories or running commentary just to be part of the group. You could never talk ever again and we’d still stick together, yeah? That’s what I meant. Sorry if that’s a jackass kinda thing to say.”

Steve hates how he’s always out there fumbling for words and can never get them to sound right. Especially now, when he needs Eddie to understand. He always needs Eddie to understand. It’s a bit of an urge lately. He just wants him to feel safe.

It’s more than four seconds now, and Steve stops counting at ten, acutely aware of the silence this time. He lets Eddie have his silence, though, leaves him room inside it.

“That’s not a jackass kinda thing to say, Steve Harrington,” Eddie says, and Steve swears he has never heard his voice in such a quiet, vulnerable tone. The quiet always helps El, too. Make all those words she can’t say a little less loud and imposing, make it all a little more okay. Not so scary.

“Good,” Steve whispers, and maybe that’s one step too far, but Eddie sags a little bit and for a moment Steve fears that he’s about to sway forward. Not that he wouldn’t catch Eddie.

“What do… How. Do you help El through it?” Small, vulnerable, confused, and Steve heart breaks a little for him.

“I do,” he says, equally quiet, smile on his face. “We always lie down somewhere because you only have to talk when you sit or stand, right? Lying down, no one can make you talk. So we lie down, she’s usually resting on top of me, and either I talk to her about, well… Anything, really. Or I shut up. Sometimes there’s music. Really, there’s many ways to get through it, but the main two things are lying down and not talking on her part, y’know?”

And the way Eddie looks at him makes Steve think that maybe they are friends, because you don’t let just anyone see you this vulnerable. You don’t look at just anyone with your big brown doe eyes like they’re opening a whole new world for you.

“Sounds great,” he croaks and that tension is back in his shoulders, so obvious that Steve wants to reach out and massage it away.

He smiles and searches Eddie’s eyes, absolutely sure of the situation now, and maybe having a cure for it. “Eddie Munson, would you like to go lie down and not talk for a while?”

Eddie stares at him as though he’s calculating the risk, as though he’s weighing his options. He could still tell Steve to go and he’d be out of here in a heartbeat if being alone is what Eddie really needs. But then he nods.

“I think maybe I do, yeah.”

“With El, I only ask her yes or no questions. You can just nod or shake your head. Okay? Don’t know if that works for you but, well, we can find out I guess. Yeah?”

Eddie nods, and Steve smiles. He goes to the kitchen area to grab the sandwiches he made earlier and then lands back right before Eddie, smile still in place.

“Not to be weird or anything, but I think this might work best on your bed. Is that okay for you? If that’s not okay, we can just lie down on the couch.”

Eddie looks back to his room, then back at Steve. He nods.

“Your bed?” Steve asks again just to make sure, and Eddie nods again.

And this is how they find themselves lying on Eddie’s bed, Eddie’s head resting on Steve’s chest. His fingers find their way into the metalhead’s locks at some point and Eddie purrs, which makes Steve laugh for a moment. He doesn’t take his hand away, though.

Steve doesn’t talk like he does with El sometimes. With Eddie, he just basks in the silence and lets the other boy soak up as much of it as he needs. There’s a smile on his lips the whole time, and he didn’t think he could smile so much around Eddie Munson, especially on one of his bad days.

But he does.

They even fall asleep like that, Eddie lying on top of Steve, cuddling into him. Steve lets him. Even the next morning when they’re both awake but not willing to break the silence yet even though Eddie looks much better already, he doesn’t make any moves to get away from Steve. He stays there, head on his chest as they both just bask in the moment.

Bask in the company.

Bask on the threshold of something just to the right of friendship. Something more.

[that-was-anticlimactic]

one of the worst feelings ever is wanting to write but your hands hurt too much or the words just don’t want to work so you just sit there staring at a half finished doc with tears in your eyes bc you want to write and you need to write but everything is telling you that you can’t

[sailforvalinor]

…well, turns out changing to a Jo pfp is fitting in more ways than one.

[ssreeder]

Hi pook 😢 ( sorry if u don’t like the nickname) but I’ve been reading your series and I am reading Into the Fire (chapter 8) and I’m just wondering why you made Sokka give in so easily when people tell him to control himself that’s not Zuko. Because I would imagine that he would be more stubborn and more focused on what he wants instead of being caring. Even though he’s a caring and kind person I feel like being in prison would make him more selfish and less understanding of other people if than makes sense 😭

Like it just aggravates me when I see Katara try to idk really baby him and control him a bit (not mentally) it just kind of annoys me. Because even though Sokka loves his Sister I feel like he shouldn’t listen to her for real.

But that’s just me because that’s my opinion coming from someone behind has anger issues/ gets angry easily 🤷‍♀️

I love love love this series btw!!!!

I added your other ask too so I could respond to both! Hiiii hellooooo I don’t mind nicknames it’s actually nice because then I can keep anons apart haha

as for your comment about sokka I gotta say you’re probably the first person to tell me sokka isn’t angry enough haha. Which is fine because everyone’s allowed to have their own opinions, but my thoughts on LIAB angry sokka is his intelligence is often battling his emotions. I think sokka is smart enough to know he isn’t supposed to be lashing out at people the way he is or clinging to Zuko so tightly to where they both can’t breathe. i also think he is desperate to be back to his “old self” without actually wanting to be his old self. I do think he is fighting his path to healing every step of the way but even with all the time spent in prison he is still SOKKA. He cares for people he loves his family and he knows from watching his parents growing up what a healthy relationship looks like - his codependency to zuko is probably not it. I doubt it will change much, but when people tell him ‘you need to chill’ Sokka is very much like I FUCKING KNOW BUT I HAVE NO CHILL!!! NONE! ZERO CHILL.

but I can’t imagine sokka wanting to hurt anyone who doesn’t deserve it. Or fighting his friends and family to isolate himself anymore than he already is. I have learned that writing a more emotionally triggering fic does stir up emotions in people and causes them to project onto the characters a bit which is fine but everyone processing trauma differently. & sokka is doing it his own way just like zuko is.

Also…. This is a fanfic and I don’t know if people wanna read sokka being a raging asshole for 50k… so some of the realism in healing gets lost to word count because unfortunately I can’t spend years and 1000k helping these boys overcome their trauma so some of it has to be rushed a little for word count / plot purposes haha.

Liiiiiiisten here pooki-anon you come yell at me anytime about liab I’ll be right here to soak up every word! Thanks for the ask I’m glad you’re enjoying the series!!

[evansbby]

I would really love to know your favourite parts of poyt 5, any parts that you were shocked, scenes that stood out, that kind of thing 🥹🥺

*edit* not in this post, as a reblog of the fic post or an ask please🥺🥺🥺

[lesbiansanemi]

Hate hate hate hate fucking HATE contacting my reps basically saying shit like “I support Palestine, I want you to retract support from Israel, I support Palestine. I want you to stop what israel is doing in Gaza” over and over and them responding like “yes it’s so terrible we need a ceasefire but hamas is refusing to act civilized like our poor precious bby Israel” I hate America I hate America I hate it here hate hate hate hate hate

[chewchuck]

ough trying to decide how much japanese terminology i can feasibly use in this fic when it’s like. only LOOSELY based in tokugawa japan…………..

[wikipediary]

Don’t wanna be ‘friends’ (using this term extremely loosely) with this one girl i’m in the same cohort/course with…her belief system + the way she perceives other people and the world is so…i cannot think of a better word so: SHUDDERING. but she’s friends with my circle of cohort/friends so she’ll always be in my circle…?

[loverofallthingssmart]

none of my business is meh. saw a post that was like newjeans music is #1 so now jyp has itzy sounding like newjeans which i don’t is true per say. but i don’t think it’s false either.

[philipwittebane]

IT WAS HER PALISMAN!!!!!!

[tragedykery]

should never have made that stupid fucking “the dutch word for hippo is so funny” post

[hailtheferine]

me when i see my friend freaking out worrying their family members are dead and then I get on tumblr the next day and see the most rancid fucking takes about it. love the internet

[greenvillainredemption]

[theresa-of-liechtenstein]

when i knocked on my conductor’s office door this afternoon she yelled ‘COME IN’ but it was locked so i imagine her reaction upon opening the door was probably something like ‘who left this upset and trembling chihuahua on my doorstep? oh, it’s just em.’

[the-trans-dragon]

I can’t tell if I’m just bad at finding Bedsheets That Don’t Pill, or if it’s just another case of Severe Decrease In Product Quality Due To Ongoing Plague And Labor Shortages, or if I’m just autistic and doomed to experience all bedsheet textures as Level 10 Pain