#I’m on episode 4 now and GENUINELY do not understand where all the hate is coming from

[applecherry108]

Guess I’m starting a tag bc I cannot be stopped.

The AGONY of the faint leitmotif of “leaves on the vine” while iroh talks about how he owes Zuko 😭😭😭😭😭😭

[chevelleneech]

As delusional as they are, it’s kind of interesting watching Tkkrs construct their version of events in real time.

I’m usually working when an episode of AYS airs, so I always see their take on things hours later, and after already having seen other people’s opinions. But to be one of the people who watched it a little earlier, so I saw the scenes before seeing anyone else’s opinions, I can genuinely say, it’s honestly almost fascinating to watch them squirm.

People can think whatever they want about JM and JK and their bond, but to see Tkkrs go from “Jimin was the third wheel!” as they cropped him out of stills or as they claimed Tkk were cuddled up despite it being a quick photo, last week to seeing how they are almost completely ignoring the show this week is wildly funny.

The Jikook tag on Twitter is currently a lot of “Jokers will always be Tae’s number one fan!” “Jokers can’t keep Tae’s name out their mouth!” “Even after all their so-called moments, Jokers only care about Tae!” even though there aren’t actually a lot of Tae centered posts coming from Jikookers. And when they’re not trying to claim Jikookers are for whatever reason focused on Tae, they’re saying all the Jikook moments that happened this episode don’t matter, because Tae and JK went on a trip without cameras, while Jimin and Jungkook said in episode one they hadn’t seen each other in a bit.

I don’t know. It just really interests me how they are so comfortable and so confident in how they decide what matters and what doesn’t, and how they twist whatever else is left to be in their favor. Are You Sure? was scripted bullshit for a year, plus the first two episodes. Episode three was proof JK actually wanted Tae, and Jimin was the tagalong. Now episode 4 is irrelevant because Tkk went on a trip last year or whenever, without filming it.

Their reasoning is so extremely unreasonable, lol. Because why watch a show you know revolves around two members you hate seeing interact? At the same time though, them watching the show and being so angry at JM and JK and Jikookers tells me they really do understand where plenty of Jikookers are coming from.

Not shipping Jikook is fine. Disliking the idea that Jikook are together is fine, but it doesn’t make them any less questionable, and I think people who are watching the show are realizing that more and more.

Jimin and Jungkook went from being attached at the hip during the duration of the group being active. When they paused to enlist, JM and JK, in their own words, drifted. Again in their own words, JM and JK realized they weren’t seeing each other often and decided to rectify that by blocking out a long weekend to go on vacation with just the two of them, and chose to document it. Upon having fun, they decided to extend their filming and vacation in more places, again, just the two of them. Once the show was complete, JM and JK did not then go back their separate ways. They enlisted in the military as a collective unit. A choice they made prior to their vacationing being done.

The entire existence of AYS is honestly just a reminder of how much the two of them value their relationship, whatever it may be. Episodes 1, 2, and 4 specifically. They show how much they enjoy being in each other's space, and how much they click with one another, even though they have close and loving relationships with the other members.

So seeing Tkkrs seemingly come to genuinely understand that, yet hate it, is quite a thing to witness. None of us know the status of JM and JK’s relationship, and we honesty don’t need to. But to watch Tkkrs realize it is fully not at all what they want it to be (as in, Jungkook hates Jimin and Tae is the person he prefers to be with) is something to behold. Because no matter how angry they get, what new scenarios they create, or how much they ignore, the reality is what it is.

Jimin and Jungkook want to be around each other, and they enjoy being around each other. They make each other laugh and smile, and people who watch them together in their actual lives, all agree that they click. I would say I hope Tkkrs come around someday, but I think it’s too late. They’ve made up their minds and will never see the joy JM and JK bring each other, because they’ve built an entirely different world in their heads about what’s going on

[nerdyfan1]

Ok thinking about this again and I feel like this is considered sacrilege to say on tumblr specifically for some reason but, I’ll never not hate how much ppl try to make the argument Pentious needed to be super serious and evil. It always misses the point of his character to me. It’s really was never about Pentious being evil. It’s why it’s gotten out of the way so quickly in the beginning of Radio Killed the Video Star. You know with Alastor right here:

This is literally the first thing we get with Pentious and I think it set up quite well. Him being evil and then turning soft wasn’t what you were supposed to take away from his character, it’s his arc of learning to value himself and open up to others. Alastor whole thing is he likes to mess with other characters’ insecurities. That’s what he’s doing in this clip. Messing with Pentious’ biggest insecure, his fear of being forgotten. Just another face in the crowd that never meant anything despite his intelligence.

Pentious while doing evil things it’s not inherently evil. It’s a front he put on. Like Angel Dust he is putting on a mask to hide who he really is. Remove the corny villain persona and the war machines and this is who he really is.

A vulnerable man who’s finally allowed the space to wear his heart on his sleeve and let his emotions show. He never deep down wanted to be the villain, he was only that way cus of the environment he’s in made it where that was what he had to be. It’s eat or be eaten. He had to survive and fight to even try to get on top.

Unpopular opinion I don’t think we needed much to set this arc up. The Alastor stuff is fine enough in getting this point across. That even gave us a cute joke as pay off too. It gives you all you need.

Now in a perfect world I would have loved an episode of Pentious before the hotel to specifically explore his seemingly parasocial and toxic dynamic with the vees. Specifically Vox. As they are criminally little on it rn. However that’s me being more curious. I acknowledge it’s not technically needed. Maybe they’ll someday find a way to elaborate on it but, it’s fine I don’t mind I think they still said it all with that one part we did get.

Tho yeah Pentious as is? I think he’s far more interesting now than he’s ever been. Hell I’d argue he was always kind of implied to be this emotional and sensitive. Seen a lot of ppl say it’s a problem he’s so goofy but, news flash so was his villain persona.

Like the 3rd pic especially. You can see it right? He’s still trying to get attention, it’s silly but, also a sign that he just wants to be acknowledged. Remembered. Even if he’s kind of cringe about it.

I think he’s far more interesting this way and I hate this idea that “if a character is sillier or goofy means they by default are less interesting”. Heck his silliness and habit to blend into the background is neat cus it makes the reveal at the season finale way better. Pentious just being this silly man who fought for others cus they gave him the love he needed? That’s beautiful.

Also this criticism of him being too goofy is insane to me given the show itself. Like with how the tone of season 1 is I do ask how on earth making him more overly serious would make a lick of sense. Sure we are getting statements by crew we might get a more serious season 2 (which um I’m conflicted on) yet that’s season 2. The first season is more light hearted by nature. Besides episode 4 tho yeah that is understandable given the subject matter that episode is tackling I definitely would expect the show to be more serious tackling it and this show did as such so well.

By just adding angst onto a character who genuinely didn’t need as such it would mess up the tone and potentially even pacing cus that need more set up. Which is a bad idea given this season’s pacing is already on thin ice.

So yeah if he wants to babygirl the hell out and be himself then I say let him. I doubt this will change anyone’s mind I just get sad every time I see this here. Probably a me thing but, I’ll never subscribe to this idea his character was ruined. I wish ppl in this fandom would acknowledge that the softer characters are interesting too. See ppl be really dismissive of Charlie like this as well. Pentious is like Vaggie in a way. Two ppl who seem to have done something horrible yet actively try to be better ppl. Characters don’t need to fit an evil or nice box all the time. The point of hazbin is its main character are different shades of grey you know? Pentious is not an expectation and writing him like a typical redeemed villain wouldn’t work as well at least to me.

Edit:

In conclusion this is Sir Pentious:

[yelena-bellova]

I actually think it's quite clear why they're having Francesca fall in love with Michaela right away and also why her story was the one they chose. At first, I didn't understand it that much as, from my understanding, the book centered on the themes of guilt and grief. But after reading some interviews from the show-runners, it's clear they feel the primary focus of the novel was on Francesca feeling "different" - which in retrospect is highly emphasized in the show, and is how we get to her being a lesbian (they're not going to make her bisexual, I'lll get to that). It's not how I view the story, but I'm not going to criticize someone for experiencing media differently than me.

Anyways, why does she fall in love right away? One, I'm going to be frank, main stream audiences cannot handle a truly bisexual lead. Parts of the internet would lose their shit if a woman who ends up with a woman had actual genuine feelings for a man while the other part of the internet would lose their shit that a woman who loved a man fell in love with a woman. Both sides would, ironically, agree she was just a lesbian all along so there's no point in trying to make her not one.

Secondly, I think romance in general - and particularly Bridgerton - doesn't usually focus on the idea of multiple loves that are of equal value. The genre is geared towards finding your one great love (and that's great! I love it! It's romantic and sweet, and I don't need my bodice-ripper novels to try to tackle real life romance). This is also emphasized in the show, where Violet was clearly feeling like Francesca was settling, hinting that her real love won't be with John. And in TV and film, this is 100% exasperated by shipping - audiences become extremely attached to a main couple, so killing them off will cause chaos. It just makes sense within this context to remove any romantic love from John as, from the perspective of the genre, that devalues the love between Francesca and Micheal/Michaela.

And what is the easiest way to remove romantic love between John and Francesca while keeping John a sympathetic and loving character?

All this to say, Francesca will NEVER love John, not romantically. And that makes her set up perfect for her to be a lesbian. If she never loved John, then his death can be sad, but ultimately not cause any actual conflict for the neat and tidy 8 episode arc of her season. It gives the audience the chance to say "wow, so sad she lost her husband, who she was clearly friends with, but also it's not that sad because now she'll ACTUALLY fall in love for real this time."

From a plot perspective, without any novel attachment, it's actually pretty solid and hits the tropes I would expect a queer romance to hit if it needed to exist within the Bridgerton verse. Dare I say, it's frankly even rather cliché?

So again, I disagree with a lot of this but I’m still going to share it because whoever this is didn’t come from a place of hate.

1: I’ve read the interviews with Jess Brownell about deciding to change Francesca’s story because she herself identified with the “different” aspect being a queer woman. Setting aside all sexual/gender politics, that’s a key mistake a lot of writers make. When writing for a show like this it’s good to make it personal, but not self-service. To morph an entire storyline to fit what you took from the book, even if few others did, is a bad writing choice.

2: I do agree that the world has no idea what to with bisexuality. I see more hate for bisexuals than nearly any other subsection of the LGBTQ community. I do think, however, that the Bridgerton fanbase is a bit more accepting. I’ve seen a lot of issue be taken with Benedict’s storyline this season but not because he’s bi/pan, but because of the shoddy editing and writing for his scenes.

3: “Bodice ripping novels” gave me a good laugh 😂😂

4: The change of Francesca’s potential lack of romantic feelings for John is probably my biggest issue with the whole situation. It truly feels like an unnecessary change. Even in going forward with setting up Francesca and Michaela for happily ever after, they could have saved Francesca developing feelings until after John had passed. Enough book readers would have been talking online about who Michaela was and who she becomes to Francesca that people would have known. In my eyes, there truly was no reason to eliminate that part of the story.

[sunnydaleherald]

The Sunnydale Herald Newsletter, Sunday, April 28 and Monday, April 29

GILES: (from the dining room) Buffy. Are you hurt? BUFFY: Oh... Caleb came back looking for seconds. GILES: My God, is h-he— BUFFY: Still able to make me see cartoon birdies all around my head? You betcha. The short lack of consciousness was nice. I feel rested.

~~Empty Places~~

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[bluebell-wlw]

Some thoughts on doctor who because where else can I put them:

1. It is possible to love Jodie’s doctor and still hate chibnall’s writing. He has a few decent ideas but his dialogue and character writing has been pretty awful this era. Jodie has been amazing in turning bad scripts into some genuinely great and heartfelt moments. I cried during her final scenes even.

2. Why is everyone so mad about the return of David and Russell? The show is in desperate need of a reboot as more and more viewers have dropped off from the Capaldi era onwards. Russell has managed to regenerate the show before and he’ll manage it again. He may not be perfect but at least he’ll bring back good character writing, realistic dialogue, monsters being scary and not overused, and a proper understanding of the doctor as a character that Chibbers never got his head round. Is David’s return simply an attempt to bring back old viewers? Yes. But that’s not a bad thing. And they really do need to regain a larger viewing audience if they don’t want the show to be cancelled again.

3. This is not taking away hype from Ncuti Gatwa. If anything, it is going to make his onscreen debut even more epic and memorable. Seeing him in the teaser trailer got me so excited. I can’t wait to find out what adventures his doctor will go on.

4. The master dancing to Boney M gave me life.

5. The episode was bad (plot and dialogue wise anyway). But, it had some amazing fan service, emotional moments, and fun ideas. I’ll miss Jodie’s doctor very much and I hope she returns sometime in the future, perhaps in a special or anniversary episode, without chibnall at the helm so we can see what her character is truly capable of.

6. The 60th Anniversary episode is SUPPOSED to be full of nostalgia. It is supposed to bring back elements of the show from previous seasons. It is supposed to be a celebration of doctor who’s past. Are all you angry people really telling me that an anniversary episode is the best time to introduce a new doctor all by themselves? That a new version of the character is supposed to find their feet and deal with the pressure of that in an anniversary episode? We knew David Tennant was coming back and that is a great choice for an episode that celebrates the past. Having Jodie regenerate into Ncuti and have him debut for the anniversary would have been a bad idea. Instead, we will have David back to remind us all why we love this show, bring back some old viewers, create some hype, and hand over to Ncuti afterwards. I could not be more excited.

7. I’m placing my bets now: Ncuti Gatwa will be the doctor by Christmas 2023.

[anxresi]

...I put WAY too much effort into this for it to be a simple blog post. :p

This Is a response to a post from @starryknightwrites. Their post starts in italics below, mine is below the stars in normal font.

...........

It is not the victims’ responsibility to save their bully.

(Miraculous Season 5 Spoilers be here)

I don’t know who all needs to hear this, but I’ve been seeing some… takes… around the ml fandom. Between Chloe defenders’ unwillingness to give her any responsibility for her actions and the writers’ determination to ruin her completely, I can’t choose a side.

It’s not Chloe’s 14-year-old classmates’ duty to save and bend over backwards for her anymore than it’s Audrey’s 14-year-old daughter’s duty to save and bend over backwards for her. Her classmates are kids with no experience dealing with abusive parents or who can barely sort out their own home problems. Not trained therapists who must know exactly what to do to make it through to Chloe. They’re also kids who suffer from Chloe’s cruelty all the time and are understandably hesitant to get in her face constantly touting self improvement methods. How counterintuitive to human behavior would that be? Twice bitten (or in this case 100+ times bitten), twice shy.

I’m sure Audrey has some trauma/valid reasons for being a jerk too, but no one is suggesting that Chloe spread herself super thin in the face of her assholery so that she can just CHANGE her.

Chloe’s classmates have been nice and open to her, given her chances, gone to her party and tried to include her in group events. They often only lash out at Chloe when she lashes out at them (if that), which is constantly. Marinette went out of her way to get her back in school and made an attempt to get her mother to open up to her. A misguided attempt, but AGAIN, Marinette is a child. She is not a therapist and she was meeting Chloe where she was. She knew Audrey would laugh in her face if she tried to use the “she’s your daughter and you should treat her better” route.

Anyone who says the class didn’t try hard enough with Chloe/ didn’t give Chloe a chance hasn’t met a middle school class. Those kids could be horrific to Chloe with all she has said and done. But they’re generally nice. And they demonstrated kindness to one another ALL THE TIME so it’s not as though Chloe doesn’t know how to be kind.

Chloe is 14. Not 4. She knows what kindness looks like. She’s not an alien, scouring the dictionary and hoping someone will PLEASE teach her how to kind. She, at this point in time, does not want to be kind. Funny thing about recovery. You have to want it. YOU have to want it. Any professional will tell you that. It takes more than people continuously bending over backwards in the face of your cruelty. All that will result in is doormats. No. In order to heal and to improve, you must be at a point of accepting responsibility for you and DESIRING change.

Chloe isn’t there yet. Nothing her classmates do will change it. Maybe it’ll take time and reflection. Maybe it’ll take a new setting. Maybe it’ll take a harder fall. But she’s not ready and that’s no one’s fault but her crappy parents and hers.

I don’t mind Chloe having to suffer an incredible low to rise, though I’m not sure if that’s what the writers are doing. The leaks for future episodes seem a tad too… vengeful- especially where Andre is concerned.

But let’s not lean all the way to the other end of the spectrum and eliminate Chloe’s personal responsibility from the matter. The primary factor in her turnaround will be CHLOE.

.............................

My take: There never will be a ‘turnaround’. The writers have made it quite clear that they’ll move Heaven and Earth to make Chloe the most hated character in the show, including, but certainly notwithstanding:

*The removal of any and all her obvious positive traits displayed during the first two-and-a-half seasons. Or just pretending they never existed. Now she’s just a one-dimensional pantomime villain, who lives to hurt others. Pathetic.

*Severing her few genuine relationships in the show, including the one with her once doting father (who now says he prefers an unrelated girl he met canonically a few months ago) and her childhood bestie (although they’ve had little to no interaction for a long time... will we even notice?)

*Specifically writing a FLASHBACK episode where she psychologically tortures everyone’s favorite bean Marinette at the swimming pool with SPIDERS. If cynically making up new ways to loathe Chloe as they go along doesn’t show the desperation of Thomas and friends to make Chloe Public Enemy No 1, nothing does. And hopefully, to anyone with half a brain, it won’t.

*All these ‘attempts’ to set Chloe on a different course by various characters in S4 and S5 come across as half-hearted and mealy-mouthed, with no chance of working. The dialogue is bad, the set-ups are awful and I am not buying any of it as genuine for a minute.

*The same way other people in the show are dumbed down for Lila’s blatant lies to work, some of Chloe’s fellow students seem to have taken stupid lessons to make her look worse by association. For instance, can anyone actually believe the Kim we know in the show is the same Kim in the leak for the episode Derision? I know he can be pretty dim sometimes... but he’s not lobotomized!!

*I’ve already discussed the ruinous introduction of Zoe at great length, whereby not only did this new Mary-Sue wannabe steal Chloe’s superhero position, but also her agency and potential on the show. But don’t you think it’s a bit of a coincidence Chloe progresses from a typical school bully to a complete monster the second her ‘very sweet’ sister arrives in Paris? I doubt it. Trying to make the new arrival seem better by comparison, no doubt. Laughable.

I could go on, but I’d be in danger of repeating myself from stuff I’ve already said in the months since it became clear just how much they were willing to throw Chloe under the bus. I never thought they’d do THIS thorough a job, though. At least we now know what Thomas is using his clout for behind the scenes.

I’ll just end by disagreeing with your final point... the main factor in Chloe’s fate on the show will be those who produce it, because fictional characters have no say how they’re written funnily enough. And as we’ve already established, the hacks who put together Miraculous have no intentional of reversing course from the heap of shit they’ve created, so her chances of getting ‘better’ are zero-to-none.

Besides, even if Chloe WAS real and had some choice in her own life, the fact she’s now a virtual prisoner of The Worst Parent In The World who intends to ‘take control’ of her existence from now on doesn’t tell me there’s much chance of her escaping this tragic cycle of abuse from mother to daughter (That Marinette our ‘hero’ ENCOURAGED in a previous episode, don’t forget).

Naturally, the writers didn’t consider the Unfortunate Implications of Chloe’s S5 hopeless ending whatsoever. Or they were too dumb to understand them. Either way, it’s an unforgivable error that could have more far-reaching consequences among the viewers than they can possibly fathom.

It also, talking from an artistic POV, sucks. Big time....

[vanillaheartzxx]

OKAY HI YAY THE PROMISED POST OF MY THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS!!

(very very long post! i tried to section everything incase there is only certain things you care about hearing my opinion on.♡︎) and i did put the name of the video(s) i was mainly talking about at the top, but i’m talking about other videos as well, so please be aware of that! and apologies for any grammar mistakes, i tried to read through it, but i like to have inspiration af late hours of the night where i can barely type 🙂 (i also won’t be talking about project meridian just because i haven’t even caught up to the most recent video, nor vega because i don’t feel like rewatching atm!)

⚠️SPOILERS TO LIKE EVERYTHING⚠️

index…?

1. hush

2. avior

3. brachium

4. solaire clan

ꨄ

1. HUSH⇩

•You Save A Mysterious Stranger’s Life

•There’s A Stranger In Your Apartment

•Getting To Know Your Mysterious Stranger

okay i absolutely adore the voice erik has been using for hush like it’s super like ‘plain’(?) but it’s like perfect for his character. it’s not crazy deep, high, monotone or anything like that. (it’s sweet!)

when his first video came out i wrote some things about it, and here’s what i said (with a couple of edits LOL)

(intial thoughts!)

hush is very, VERY intriguing. but most importantly,

WE’RE EMPOWERED!!!!!!!!

YESSSSS AT FIRST I WAS SCARED WE WERE HUMAN

WE ARE A FUCKING HEALER YESSSS

IM SO SO HAPPY

HE CALLS US DOC YES PLEASEE

(i was feral??)

anyways my hush first episode deep analysis 🤗 (bullshit)

now for hush, i feel like we’ll guess everything under the sun, from that he’s a sovereign, he’s a shade, he’s a demon shade hybrid whatever, and then come to find out he’s actually david’s left asshole hair but i do have some small theories of my own

i feel like he is genuinely a part of the meridian. like a chunk of it. i don’t know what he looks like, (probably a human like body, obviously, or the listener wouldn’t have tried to help). the only reason i say this is because when he was giving the ‘complicated’ answer of what he was, i couldn’t even begin to tell you what the fuck the visuals might have been. (if there were any) i don’t know what the meridian looks like, but maybe that’s what it sounds like? also he has no core.

i would like to mention when the video might have taken place. we have no clue is what i wanted to point out. this could be before the inversion, the day after, the next decade after, the decade before, hundreds of years before, etc. it has become a bit troublesome in that department as erik likes to drop random time and date drops in his story push videos. (ex; avior and elliot, which is very convient i might add)

i’m scared of hush’s intentions like he tied us up after we saved him and i hate when i like evil kind of guys 😭

—————————————————————-

i didn’t finish writing everything i was thinking, but with the most recent videos this is what i have to add on.

hush literally told us straight up ‘i can understand why they think (the articulates, chorus) they have to (send articulates to kill him). oh that’s easy. because they think i’m going to free their god from the prison they’re in. well they think that because that’s *exactly what i’m going to do.*’

UHM OKAY?? huge bomb dropped on us. BUT that solidified to me he was a chunk of meridian. no core, not exactly human, not a demon. (okay thats probably wrong but what the fuck else 😭)

and besides that all i have else to say is for the timing thing, i still have no idea, i want to think it’s after inversion but i’m not sure. (if you have any theories on the timing please let me know what you think!)

but besides all that i think he’s sweet and its cute he’s trying to learn stuff for doc especially cooking 😭💓

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2.AVIOR⇩

•Facing a Disaster With Your Demon Lover

there was definitely a lot happening in one episode. (also i watched it when it was released so my memory of every detail is bit iffy, spare me 🙏) it was like heartbreak all over again, hearing lasko stressed out and all the people screaming and yelling definitely wasn’t pleasant, but it was interesting seeing what else happened on the outside besides what we already know.

also, the inversion has been almost two years ago now. so i really wonder how starlight and avior are doing in present time. i would say ‘hopefully peaceful’ but present time isn’t even peaceful 🙃

honestly its been a while since i’ve watched all avior lore, and i think when the next lore(?) video of him comes out i’ll theorize a bit more, this post is definitely long but i don’t want it to be too extensive. (bullshit)

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3.BRACHIUM⇩

•What Lies Below

WHY DID HE AGREE WITHOUT KNOWING 😭

my heart broke when he agreed to that ‘deal’ just to find out why blake’s lover would die and HE DIDNT KNOW WHAT HE WAS AGREEING TO. AND THEN TO FIND PUT HE HAS TO HELP THEM?? WHY

now he has to do whatever they say to help?? why 😭

and why do the sovereigns need to use blake and bestie(?) i only ask because is hush not going to free them? well to be fair we have no idea when this thing with hush is even taking place, or when bestie is set to die, or what blake is even going to do when he ‘breaks’ to free them.

and what if his will is strong enough and he doesn’t break? or his listener doesn’t die? 🤗 (wishful thinking guys!)

but actually going back to the audio whoever brachium was talking to DID say,

‘He is a tool. One that has to be broken so that it can be refashioned to a new purpose.’

KEY WORD: REFASHIONED. maybe hush is a chunk of meridian, but with blake’s body..? but he has not core. OKAY IDFK BUT he must be related to hush somehow i just don’t know how. i’ll think on it more. but blake is only a seer so i really don’t know what he could do with his current power, but who knows really.

also the entity (that’s just what i’m calling him idk) brachium was talking to said (in response to: ‘Accept a deal that I have no details of?’) ‘You’ve done it before. The blind choice to become a deathwalker.’ that has me so very curious on what the process of becoming a death walker was like. (okay it probably was explained sort of somewhere, but i don’t remember.) the entity also said ‘You say it was in service of lives.’ whose lives? i have no idea! wow great! 😀

but actually i have no ideas so hopefully everything will be explained eventually 😭

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4. VINCENT, PORTER, MONARCHAL SUMMIT⇩

•Supporting Your Vampire Prince Lover

•Drawn In By An Alluring Vampire

•The Vampire Boys Have It Out

•The Monarchal Summit

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A LOT A STUFF HAPPENED REGARDING THE SOLAIRES

i’ll start with first vincent’s video regarding the summit. WILL IS ACTING FISHY AS FUCK?? he’s hosting the monarchal summit, but he’s just NOT GOING TO BE THERE?? and is leaving everything to vincent?!? how does that even equate?? and then his fishy attitude towards ALEXIS?? that just seems sketch. (i want to get into william more, but talk about porter rq, ig.)

porter solaire. HES BRITISH.(🎊🎉) he’s quite charming, (when he wants to be,) but i can see where vincent and porter’s disagreement came from, but it was semi-resolved (they still have a bit of conflict) so i’m not going to go into and i’m just gonna dissect the summit!

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okay the beginning made me so freaking happy to see the boys hanging out with each other!! and especially the friendly banter 😭💓

AND VINCENT GIVING LOVELY A CROWN MY HEART AUGH 💗🥲

and idk if michaela (william’s secretary!) with have anything to do with the story but it’s cool when characters have names even if you don’t know them 👍

anyways into the more not so heartwarming parts, alexis solaire.! SHE HAS THE PERFECT PERSON TO VOICE HER. that is EXACTLY how i’d imagined she’d sound. and honestly how’d she act as well. i didn’t think she’d be nice to darlin, but i was definitely thinking more of a nasty glare, growl, show of teeth or something and not full on banter, and insults, but i guess that’s just how she acts.

WHERE IS WILLIAM SOLAIRE?? WHERE. like there is no way he just was like, ‘yes vincent, take of the entire planning of the summit, that i’m supposed to be hosting. 😊 and also, i’m not even going to tell you why! and the day of i’m not even going to talk to you! let alone on the phone! 🥰’ LIKE?? AND THEN SOMEONE DIES?? (we’ll get to that.) SERIOUSLY?!

and then ‘House of Baz(?) (truly not sure how it’s spelled) starts saying ‘Make sure Quinn burns.’ ‘It’s not only your pack who wants him dead.’ ‘Quinn has friends and you can’t count on William to keep them at bay.’ (not quotes btw just a summary!) EXCUSE ME??? 😭 WHAT DO YOU MEAN?? DROPPING BOMBSHELLS AND WILLIAM ISNT EVEN THERE TO SAY ANYTHING. AND NOT ONLY BUT HE HIS DISSING ALL OF THEM 💀 ‘Even the golden prince Vincent has spent most of his afterlife as a covert risking menace to the region.’ AND THATS A DIRECT QUOTE. HE IS FLAMING THEM 😭 and with each sentence i swear he is backhandedly insults William and he can’t even be there to defend his name LMAO

but, it does say a lot about him. (i guess if this guy is a semi-reliable source.) ‘William is a horrible judge of character.’ ‘He can throw a fabulous party but can’t surround himself with the right people.’ ’He shields and excuses Alexis and her misgivings.’ ’He apparently delights in trusting the wrong ones.’ HE IS VIOLATING HIM. VIOLATING. this is not me saying all that is not potentially true, but damn 😭 i mean he’s 500+, give him a break? but then again WHERE IS HE??? (lowkey concerned for his safety)

a small little thing with alexis and porter, then the main event.

alexis and sam still must have a small little understanding since she decided to leave darlin alone (as she said at least) but alexis full on said that darlin was dog and he didn’t say anything 😭 i mean i guess he wasn’t trying to argue further but i just took notice.

i was trying to theorize where porters info came from, and all i can think of is a seer. (boring way out ik) now if it was a seer he talked to before the event, (which is why he came back in the first place, possibly, maybe.) he knew they were going to have that conversation, and so he told sweetheart to spy, but then im not sure if he knew that death was going to to happen, but im not sure. or maybe he heard rumors, or overheard them saying they may had that conversation which makes more sense, but hopefully more will be revealed.

WHAT WERE THEY TALKING ABOUT??!

‘If we had waited for you to make decisions two years ago “King” then the entire Inversion would have been for nothings” EXCUSE ME??! okay, okay, i kinda don’t believe this. maybe they had some connection to it. and yes i skipped some so let’s talk about them funding closeknit.

okay so they are funding closeknit because they want to people to join, but the amount of people joining and staying are plummeting because the inversion was two years ago. i have a sneaking suspicion that the reason they were like ‘the inversion was for nothing’ was because closeknit had convinced them somehow that they were the cause, and it would draw people in, and then they’d(house of bennett) would have power. there isn’t a lot of context, but definitely eye openers.

the only thing we have right now to go on is that the sovereigns caused the inversion, (releasing the dead ig? idfk too much shit to keep track of) and i don’t know if they have the power, (or closeknit even) to cause the inversion.

also regarding the timing thing i said about hush earlier, i do believe his whole shabang is in present time because nothing is happening. everything inversion related, sovereigns related, whatever is happening is IN THE PAST. which means in present time blake’s listener could already be dead AND he could have already have ‘broke’ and has something to do with hush (possibly) to help free them.

i was trying to think if closeknit didn’t actually cause the inversion (what i think) but tried to convince the house of bennet to fund them, (if they weren’t already,) it would be showing them the shade. idk bro im grasping onto loose strings here 😭 but PLEASE let me know your theories (that might be the case that blake ‘broke’ in maybe 2022 and he was being kept for a while like the articulate who came to doc’s apartment said.)

(back to the summit♡︎)

DEATH OR MURDER??

okay so the obvious suspect is sweetheart right? king of bennett and prince(?) of bennett having a VERY interesting and PRIVATE conversation, sweetheart goes in to spy on said conversation, those two hear a sound, it wasn’t just a mouse, and then the king of bennett is dead. i think it’s easiest to assume murder. and what could have naturally killed him…? nothing. to my knowledge. 😊

MURDER ( only viable option..?)

first i want to quickly talk about porter and vincent’s interaction before i talk about how the king may have died. porter tried to start a fight with vincent which i assume was for one of two reasons. one, to make a distraction so people would pay attention to them and sweetheart had a chance to leave, OR because he had something to do with the murder and maybe a distraction was apart of the plan. i think the latter.

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i don’t think alexis is the killer. ‘but she knew he was dead before anyone!’ what motive did she have? none that i know of, and neither did porter(well maybe he knew that conversation was happening could be one but whatever.)

BUT i guess sweetheart may have had a tiny ass motive as they might have been angry at what they heard, (after all milo went through) BUT i don’t think they would do that. and even if they got caught they would have to murder both of them for them not to get in trouble. now my tiny theory is that sweetheart DID get caught spying and maybe the prince thought the king sent someone to assassinate him and then yk but whatever (far fetched 😔) IDFK we don’t even know the cause of death. 😭 Alexis just said he’s dead, not ‘the king of Bennett was killed’ or some shit so we don’t even know. and as a vampire, how many causes of death could he really have? does garlic and wooden stakes apply?? can he get murdered in regular human fashion?? WAS HE EVEN MURDERED??

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as you can tell this post has many questions and zero fucking answers. like could he have been poisoned?? what can vampires be killed by in the redacted universe?? i’m guessing the number one suspect is the person who was in the room with him ‘alone’, but i feel that’s too obvious. and i mean we don’t know the exact time jump from when the king was killed, from when porter was trying to instigate a reaction from vincent, from when alexis found the body, when sweetheart went to spy, etc. we don’t even know exactly where the body was found. 😭 so i’m not going to settle on any one person being ‘the killer’ for now until another video is released but i have a feeling it won’t be like an exact continuation of the summit and maybe like an aftermath type video. idk but we’ll wait and see i guess.

Random(er) Thoughts + Conclusion

HE POSTED AN OLLIE VIDEO?? THAT MEANS WE’RE FUCKED‼️

(calm before the storm, great!) 💔

also credits to kilarthmac in the youtube comments!! i don’t know if you have a tumblr but your comments helped with this post immensely, (and many others,) thank you! 💓

im also interested in when the wedding might be!! i know the timing is usually around a year of engagement before marriage so maybe in early spring 2024!! just a thought! (super exciting)

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anyways i hope maybe my thoughts and opinions could help you with any of your theories or anything, maybe expand them or something idk. if you read the entire thing thank you for doing so! i hope it was somewhat enjoyable 👍 (and my apologies for it being so long ♡︎) i’m excited to see what comes next with everything, erik is very talented with his writing and acting so we’ll see what’s to come. if you have any comments about anything i said (adding on, reasons why things may or may not be true) PLEASE SHARE THEM WITH ME!! i would truly love to hear them! thank you!!

BYE BYE!! ♡︎

[lemontartyellow]

Uhhhh I feel like talking about Kristen Kringle so I’m gonna do it now.

This isn’t going to be very cohesive, I just felt like talking about my thoughts on her.

First of all, I want to say that she is nowhere near my favorite character. I felt completely neutral on her for all of Season 1, and started to like her in Season 2 before they killed her off. I can’t even say I understand why some people like her so much. But I will still defend her to my death because I firmly believe that woman did nothing wrong.

“But she was ableist to Ed!” I honestly think she didn’t like him not because of his autistic traits but because of how he acted around her. I say this as someone who heavily sympathizes towards S1 Ed, he was being incredibly creepy to her. He fucking sniffed her. Really, I think you could make stronger case for Harvey being ableist toward him (he literally told him that he needed help because he asked a riddle)

Plus, she literally apologized for how she thought of him even though she, in my very humble opinion, didn’t need to.

“But she gets in the way of Nygmobblepot!” Ignoring the fact that hating a female character because she “gets in the way” of a ship is misogynistic, how? Ed and Oswald are literally in the same room twice before she dies. I honestly didn’t think she would get this treatment from the fandom simply because she is such a non-factor in their relationship. If you wanna talk about Isabella, that’s a different story, but they’re two different characters.

I just genuinely don’t think there’s a valid reason to hate her, yknowwhatimsaying? Other then that, I don’t care about her that much. I liked her for the 3 episodes before she died, and her and Lee would’ve made a cute couple, but that’s about it. But I’m still side eying you very hard if you don’t like her.

Now I want to talk about her writing. It’s not a secret that Gotham does not write its women well, and Kristen Kringle is not an exception to the rule. She joins Isabella and Lee (strange how all the women Ed dated have the sake writing problems) in the “most of their character revolves around a man/men” category of misogynistic writing (well, Lee could hypothetically get better in Season 4 and maybe 5 since I haven’t watched them, but I don’t have faith).

Kristen doesn’t have much of a character outside of him. She has no existing plotlines, motivations, or goals. The closest thing she gets outside of him is her tendency to date jerks (Flass, Dougherty, Ed even counts technically).

Kristen does not have any scenes where Ed is not also in them. The closest she gets is a scene is Season 2 where she is talking to Lee and Ed isn’t in the same room as them. He is still in the scene though, he’s just overhearing them.

And then there’s her dying for Ed’s character development. Which is, for obvious reasons, not something you do to your female characters.

Now, I’m obviously not a professional writer, but I’ve thought about how they could’ve done her better. I’ve heard people throw out the idea of her becoming a villain herself, but that doesn’t really seem to make sense to me (interesting idea though). The best I can come up with is Ed almost killing her instead of actually killing her, have her help out Jim and Harvey sometimes, having her have a reaction to Isabella/Oswald/Lee, exploring her attraction to toxic men, and give her relationship with Lee more screen time (I’d say make them girlfriends but I’m trying to be a little realistic here). I think a weird and complex relationship between her and Ed could be cool,

I’ve never been good at conclusions, so just take the thing.

[strandnreyes]

Like for crying out loud, Carlos wasn’t THAT mean, yes he was a little cold and distant but he still kept TK up to date with everything when he could’ve been really petty and mean and just not? He’s only mad that TK went behind his back and spoke to Iris anyway when they already had agreed to be patient and give her space etc so understandably he’s mad about that? We keep saying TK did nothing wrong but technically he did! He did exactly what him and Carlos had agreed not to do! I feel fans are forgetting that part of the dialogue? TK is probably also angry at himself for going behind Carlos’s back and potentially unintentionally causing Iris to have an episode. No wonder why TK is acting and looking so guilty! Anyways sorry for my rant, I feel fans are being unfair to Carlos - I love (sarcasm obviously) how the tables have turned this season and now fans are angry at Carlos! These same fans had a lot anger towards TK last season regarding the whole Cooper thing and acting like Carlos was a victim and TK was thoroughly in the wrong. So now it’s been flipped. It’s exhausting.

This episode is pretty much what I expected to happen, but with even more communication. I thought they’d go the entire episode without speaking so I’m not really in shock that things were tense the whole time.

That being said, Carlos has fucked up in this whole storyline. He most certainly has made mistakes and it’s okay to hold him accountable for it. But I’m not going to pit the two against each other and keep a tally of who hurt who how many times. That’s never okay and that’s not how relationships work.

Also I want to be clear that just because I don’t hate Carlos and can see why he’s doing some of the things he is… my heart still truly breaks for TK. The phone call and aftermath is painful to watch, him saying he’s not hungry just as he did in 3x08 and 3x13 fucking hurts. It’s clear his intentions were pure and that he feels so guilty whether he was in the right or wrong and I just need everything to be okay again.

I’m also trying pretty hard not draw conclusions and make things bigger than they seem on screen because all of these problems and moments in the episode of “what did he mean by that?” and “what did that look mean?” will never get solved. it goes back to me not wanting to invent anger on TK’s behalf about Carlos hiding the marriage since that hasn’t been shown on screen yet (or ever). I love getting in their heads as much as the next person, but for this storyline I think it’s best for me just to take what’s given on screen so that episode 4 isn’t a let down for me when inevitably every little thing won’t be addressed. Ronen has been… questionable with some of his hype for this arc, but I genuinely don’t think he’d be so excited for episodes where he feels like TK gets treated like shit by his fiancé or thinks things that taint this relationship that he obviously cares a lot about are happening. So I’m not going to view it that way either

[rahleeyah]

I’ve been away from tumblr for a while, did you always have a gf?!

Re the EO of it all, the reason ppl catastrophize, include me, at every little thing, is because there is little to no movement. When C first came back I was like relax, things are moving along, then they abruptly stopped giving us anything, no EO no movement, no progress for 3 seasons now. I’m tired. Only saving grace is that I don’t really watch OC, and I’m enjoying SVU this season.

LMAO no not always, we've been together a few months 🤣

So the thing is I understand why people catastrophize, I said in my post I'd been doing it myself, for some of the reasons you mentioned. I never said that people shouldn't express disappointment or concern (I expressed my own frustration in that post several times) and I never like. Passed a judgment on anyone for responding in any kind of way. I was asked my opinion and I gave it. I think everybody knows why we and others are frustrated by this, I think there's been plenty of posts on that topic. I don't want you to think you have to defend your position, when in part I agree with it.

The thing is, if all I ever thought about was how the show isn't doing what I want then all the joy I derive from it would be gone, and I would simply stop watching. Life is too short for me to actually be hurt by a TV show. If I genuinely only felt resentment I would stop. But I haven't, bc I don't feel that way.

what I am doing, all the time, is evaluating what we have been given, what we can reasonably expect, what I can do with what we have been given, and whether at the end of the day it still makes me happy. This is work I am doing for me; other people will do things their own way and it's not up to me to tell them what to think or get upset when we're not in lockstep.

When I am asked about my perspective my answer is going to be based on those four questions above. This a network copaganda series that has never done deep dives into relationships and in fact even for the men Olivia was actually sleeping with only ever gave us brief, periodic glimpses into what was going on at home. The franchise prides itself on not doing a lot of relationship work. Whatever we might want, however compelling a story they may have on their hands with EO, they aren't ever going to center EO. Not bc they hate it (tho perhaps some of tptb do) but bc that simply isn't the kind of show this is. It's a hot dog cart, they're not selling pad thai. When all they have to offer us is a hot dog, well. What else did we expect?

Yes they have the means to do more, but to what extent? Mariska and Chris are already on set for their own shows 16 hours a day, when are they supposed to stop work on their individual shows (which the writers/producers of each show have to prioritize their own show over EO, bc EO is not a show, eo is a concept that is connective between two shows but eo doesn't get renewed, the shows do, and so the shows, individually, have to be good on their own merits) and go to a different set? Esp when they're still filming episodes just like 3-4 out from airing? That schedule is TIGHT. Plus oc has had like three showrunners this season and they aren't even halfway thru filming. They barely know what story they're telling over there and it's unclear whether what we have now is the result of current leadership or the last fingerprints of someone who's already gone. I'm not happy with it, and I've expressed my unhappiness with it, but I'm not gonna like. Just keep repeating how disappointing it is.

The echo chamber of negativity hurts me. I know that some people find comfort in hearing people voice their concerns and discussing that together, but to constantly be soaking in that environment clouds my judgment. It pulls me away from my own thoughts and perspective, it stifles my creativity, and it makes me feel bad, when if I only step outside that discourse and evaluate things for myself, I'm actually pretty happy with where we're at.

So again, when I am asked my opinion, I am not going to contribute to a cycle that hurts me. I am going to be honest about my perspective, and offer some encouragement - and, again, not tell others what to feel.

Y'all feel any kind of way you feel. Everybody has a different outlook and it's important for us to hear a range of voices. But this here is my house, and I will not contribute to distressing others as these conversations sometimes distress me. I'm not going to amplify bitterness. I will not foster it in my own heart and I will not do so to others. I genuinely believe we are in a good place, EO wise. I know it is not what we hoped for, but as we have discussed, many times, what we hoped for was not ever really in the cards. We can't be angry the hot dog cart couldn't sell us a gourmet meal. In fact, if we want a gourmet meal, we frankly should not have come to the hot dog cart at all.

Part of what makes EO so compelling is all the space the show leaves for the audience to draw their own conclusions. If the show was slightly better made or all those holes had been filled in, what would there be for fandom to do? A vibrant fandom full of creative ideas and cool fic and long meta needs a source media that is just a little bit bad, and leaves some of those doors open for interpretation. So I'm glad they're a little bad. That gives me room to work.

That was. Way too long, and not at all what you asked, but I'm still drinking my coffee lmao

[spectral-kitkat]

Miraculous Rant.

Where the hell do I begin…

Season 1:

The show was decent in season 1. Some episodes were just mindless filler and probably weren’t needed in the grand scheme of things but they helped us get introduced to the characters, we got to know the plot and the world our characters inhabit. It was good. The love story between Adrien and Marinette was cute and off to a touching and fluffy start.

Season 2:

This season was immediately better than season 1. It had character development, it went more into detail about the lore surrounding the Miraculous and we got to learn more about our characters and their families and the villian’s motives. (HM really went from “I wanna destroy the world” to “I wanna wake my wife from the coma she’s in”).

We got to see new heroes which was fun! We got new characters like Luka and Kagami.

The season finale was epic! The Miraculous team all taking down all the previous villains in the show was awesome. At the end we even got Mari kissing Adrien on the cheek. It was great! (Even though it clearly reset itself in season 3 cause it’s never mentioned again)

I really enjoyed season 2 and it’s probably my favourite out of the 4.

Season 3:

Season 3 was kinda good and kinda bad. We had some great episodes but this is where the show took the wrong turn.

Marinette lost some of her character in season 3. This was the start of her descent into being the Queen of Mary Sues. It’s also where she was crowned the Queen of Stalkers! Her character took a fucking nose dive in this season. We had so many moments that just creeped me the fuck out.

1. The ENTIRETY of Puppeteer 2 🤢🤢🤢 I could not stand that episode. When we reached the dreaded statue scene I physically had to pause it like 10 times. That scene takes about 3 minutes to watch… it took me about 20. I cringed so fucking hard because of the secondhand embarrassment I was feeling. That was not sweet, it wasn’t romantic, it wasn’t the least bit cute… it was a train wreck! It was creepy and stalkerish and it’s a wonder Adrien even spoke to her again after that atrocity!

2. LB delivering the present in Chat Blanc. Two words: STALKER BEHAVIOUR!!! I genuinely could not believe my eyes when I saw LB run her hand across everything in his room and then actually SNIFF Adrien’s pillow. Like WTF!!! 🤮 I’m pretty sure whoever was responsible for that scene clearly thought it was the equivalent of when someone gets their S/O’s jumper or something and it still smells like them. But this turned it up to the nth degree and way passed the line of sanity.

Adrien was extremely under-utilised in this season. He didn’t really do anything. The only episodes we got about him didn’t really focus on him. ‘Felix’ whilst focusing on Adrien’s family didn’t really feature him. ‘Party Crasher’ while a beautiful mess was more about Mari trying to get into the party than the party itself. ‘Chat Blanc’ again focused more on Mari trying to fix her mistake.

We got even more heroes in season 3, not in the right order but they were there. It was fun seeing everyone’s transformations.

Season 3 was also the season of destroying redemptions. The big one obviously being Chloe. Season 2 was setting up this amazing redemption for her and before it could go anywhere it was wiped off the face of the earth during the finale (and don’t worry we’ll get to that dumpster fire later). Gabriel also had any remaining sympathy ripped away from him. How did the guy who stopped Gorizilla from letting Adrien die when he only thought he was CN go from that to using his son like fucking baseball in Chat Blanc when he knew his son was CN. Like I knew you were a shit father but you still cared about Adrien in some way shape or form but after that episode I can see I was clearly mistaken!

Before we get to the finale I want to talk about probably my 2 least favourite episodes from this season: Desperada and Reflekdoll

Desperada:

I fucking hated this episode! The only good thing was Luka getting to be Viperion, other than that this episode was awful!

Marinette was a selfish cringey bitch. Completely ignoring Luka to gush about Adrien to Jagged. Brushing Luka off as soon as Adrien turns up. Immediately cuddling up to Aspik and flirting with him when she needed to focus on the akuma (something which she has told CN not to do many times before)

Adrien, I love you kid but Jesus Christ you were a dumbass in this episode! Aspik’s design was terrible! Aspik himself was awful. I know Adrien tried his best but dude you were given the Black Cat miraculous for a reason! He shouldn’t have tried to be Aspik but even when he did he should’ve called it quits after like 5 resets not 25,913 times.

The only person with a brain this episode was Luka. So well done guitar boy, gold star!

Reflekdoll:

This episode was annoying! It was basically the start of the Marinette can do no wrong streak! When they have to swap miraculous I was happy cause it meant we got to see new outfits and see how they each handle the different powers. It would also serve as a way to get LB and CN to see what their partners role is first hand. Until we actually get to it…

LadyNoire is of course amazing and needs no introduction to using this new miraculous that she’s never used before. She’s cocky and confident and basically just LB in Chat’s costume with his powers.

Mister Bug on the other hand is just useless. He struggles with this new miraculous (like anyone would!) and is stupid and goofy. He has to rely on LadyNoire to solve the lucky charm. They swapped miraculous so shouldn’t that mean that Mister Bug should get the lucky vision and the creative powers that the earrings give him.

Overall Reflekdoll is awful. It was shitty writing and the start of Adrien getting the short end of the stick.

And now the season 3 finale… Just what the fuck. That is my only reaction: what the fuck!

Chloe you poor fucking child! What did they do to you!!! So much potential SQUANDERED!!!!

What was the point in bringing in all these different superheros with unique skill sets, costumes and transformations if you were just going to immediately reveal them to the main villian so they can’t be used again. That’s stupid! If you wanted the shock value that is “Oh no HM knows some of the heroes identities!” Then keep it as only some. Have like Max, Kim and Kagami outside trying to find somewhere to hide but unfortunately they get hit. Or Nino and Alya are hiding but the windows open and they get hit. Have some of the heroes hide so they’re fine! Taking away every ally of LB and CN’s was a stupid move! (Even if they wanted Alya to become a spy have her as part of the like 4 that get revealed or something, it’s not that difficult)

Season 3 was 50/50 for me

Season 4:

So I know season 4 isn’t even halfway through yet but so much is wrong with this season already that I need to vent!

So my biggest problem with this season of Miraculous: Tales of Ladybitch and Rena Rouge, I mean Rena Furtive… shit, Chat Noir! Is that CN is basically pointless! Adrien has been flung over a rainbow and is only remembered when he’s needed as

1. Marinette’s love interest

2. Someone for LB to shout at

3. A plot device

He has basically been sidelined. Partners my ASS!!!

Adrien is being blown off by pretty much EVERYONE! It’s coming to a point where this poor sweet summer child is going to crack! And it is not gonna be pretty… I definitely feel like the writers are leading up to a big fight between CN and LB which will probably end with Chat Blanc 2.0.

I REALLY HATE MARINETTE/LADYBUG!!!! In Season 3 I said it was the beginning of her descent, well in season 4 she’s done it. She’s descended, she has hit rock fucking bottom. She is so unlikable I don’t actually care about her as a person. She has entered full blown stalker territory it’s only a matter of time before she starts killing people for even looking at Adrien! Not to mention that Miss Mary Sue here can’t do anything wrong! She never has to suffer the consequences of her actions, she is always perfect no matter what she does… it pisses me off!)

She’s the Guardian now big whoop. I know what it feels like to be stressed and under pressure so I do understand why she needed to tell someone about it all. I just don’t see why that person had to Alya! Especially considering she has someone by her side every akuma attack going through pretty much the exact same thing. I know she’s worried about CB happening again but as I said before the more she leaves him out the more she is actually pushing that to become a possibility! Plus it makes sense for them to reveal their identities now since LB is now the guardian it’s probably a good idea to know who holds the cat miraculous, she knows everyone else’s identities!

Even if she didn’t want to tell CN her identity she could still explain the situation to him. If she didn’t want to tell him anything (which she doesn’t anyway) then instead of Alya she should’ve talked to Luka! Her boyfriend for all of half an episode (thanks writers…). He’s so sweet and caring and clearly loves her so much! If she wanted someone to confide in then why not choose the person you clearly wanted to date but couldn’t because of that very reason! (Yeah I know it’s kinda a moot point now since Luka knows both identities but still). He wanted to try and comfort her so it would’ve been the perfect moment for it. That way you could still date him and he’d know why you had to suddenly leave dates halfway through! But no break the boys heart instead!

Adrien and Marinette were both such fucking idiots in the first 2 episodes. Like why would you start a relationship with someone when you know your heart isn’t in it! That’s called leading someone on and is a really shitty thing to do to someone! No wonder Kagami and Luka ended up akumatized!

Another aspect of season 4 I don’t like is Rena Furtive. Yes ok having a spy for your side is a good strategy but when said spy basically tells an important member of a duo that the 2 person job doesn’t involve them… it just really ticks me off! Alya you are the sidekick to LB and CN! Chat isn’t!

Miraculous specials:

The Miraculous World specials suck! Shanghai is better than NY but still has its problems. Both specials add nothing to the overall plot/lore of the show apart from trying to set up some weird cinematic universe…

NY special:

One of the worst things I’ve ever had to sit through! The plane scene alone I paused a few times. I want to say well done to Mari for trying to move on from Adrien (especially considering I’m pretty sure she’s dating Luka at this point) but I can’t help but think it’s just to give her character some pointless development that goes nowhere and doesn’t actually develop anything!

LB can pretty much fuck off at this point! I hate her! She put all this shit on CN (like she doesn’t know exactly how that feels). It’s like why does she get to go off on holiday but CN can’t. LB should’ve stayed in Paris for 3 reasons:

1. She’s recently become the guardian meaning it would probably be best that she stayed with the Mircle Box

2. She’s the only one who can purity the akumas

3. If she’s so sure about being the boss then she should take responsibility of Paris and the citizens.

What really pisses me off about her is what she says to CN during the big fight. “I can’t trust you”… surely you could have this conversation afterwards since you’re supposed to be focusing on taking down the villian! Plus everyone bashes Adrien for giving his miraculous up in this episode but look at it from his point of view: His partner and best friend just said she couldn’t trust him which in turn caused him to cataclysm someone and essentially kill them. That’s gonna take a toll on anyone, especially a 14 year old! He probably thought in that moment. “Ladybug needs a partner she can trust and someone who won’t mess up and kill someone. She needs a better partner.” It makes sense he renounces his miraculous! I’m just upset that in doing so he loses Plagg who is pretty much his only friend who actually understands what Adrien goes through at home.

When Uncanny gets CN to come back, LB acts like it’s not her fault in the first place that he feels inadequate! She didn’t even apologise for saying what she did! He apologised for lying about not being in Paris but nope LB wasn’t in the wrong at all and didn’t have anything to apologise for 🙄… (yes the LadyNoir hug was amazing but I just wish it was under different circumstances!)

Also are we not gonna mention Gabriel Agreste almost starting WW3??? He wanted to launch a fucking missile!!!

Shanghai:

As I said before, this special is way better for several reasons.

We got MariChat! (Best side to the love square imo). This special actually had some semblance on a plot. Fei, whilst a bit op, was a cool character. It was nice to see Wang Cheng again.

However once again there were many problems.

A big one being Marinette yet again! (What a shock! 😒 I’ll come back to this). Another was that once again HM’s motivation has changed. How is getting the Prodigious gonna help bring back Emilie??

Back to Marinette… The fact that the words “Huh?! There must be some kind of mistake! I always know what's up with Adrien! … His 5 first names and every corresponding name date, his yearly schedule, even his shoe size! If there were anything to know about him, I would know it!” come out of her mouth whilst she is flipping through his schedule that she keeps in her pocketbook is a hugh red flag!!! That is not cute or adorable! That’s messed up and Adrien needs to fucking run and maybe possibly go into witness protection… Marinette is a full blown stalker! Not to mention the GPS she has (that could just be the find my friends app on iphone but still).

It also is extremely rude of her to use not only her great uncle’s birthday but also a lie about wanting to know her Chinese heritage in order to go to Shanghai to stalk her obsession, I mean crush. This could’ve been avoided if the Dupain-Chengs were going to Shanghai for the purpose of celebrating Wang Cheng’s bday and then Adrien just so happened to be in Shanghai.

Also this means LB left Paris without telling CN! I know CN did the same but again he can’t purify the akumas. Plus he has a reason he couldn’t stay in Paris, Mari just went cause her crush did. Great guardianship there Marinette.

This was also the last time CN actually did something. Even if it was for a short while before LB and her female partner took over (the beginning of a theme…)

Other things:

There are 2 other things that I wanna say but felt they needed a separate bit.

In Furious Fu, Su-Han has a rule book that he uses to tell Marinette which rules she has broken. At the end of the episode he tells her that is she breaks 1 more rule that he will take the Miraculous and the Miracle Box off her, which fair enough but wouldn’t it be helpful to leave the rule book with her?! How can she be wary of not breaking anymore rules when she doesn’t even know what the rules are??

Now the big one: Master Fu…

Where do I even start with him. He is so fucking manipulative!! He is Asian Dumbledore!

He decides to leave these extremely powerful jewels in the hands of 13 year olds! Surely leaving the miraculous to someone in their 20s would’ve been better!

He clearly favours LB over CN even though the Ladybug and Black Cat are supposed to be partners! Wouldn’t it make sense for them both to be in contact with the guardian from the start?? He randomly started introducing rules such as if LB and CN find out each other’s identities they would lose their miraculous… what kind of bullshit rule is that? It also came out of fucking nowhere!

Final Thoughts:

But to summarise all of that: Miraculous is on quite a steep decline but I’m invested at this point and I am genuinely curious as to where the fuck this will go.

Marinette needs professional fucking help before the writers even consider canonising Adrienette cause at the moment she is not what Adrien needs!

Adrien needs to stand up for himself! He needs to pull LB to the side and tell her what he feels and what he’s going through cause he is on the precipice of a breakdown!

(Small point that’s more to do with the fandom: when searching for fanfics it’s really annoying that Adrien Agreste/Chat Noir Bashing is a tag but Marinette Dupain-Cheng/Ladybug Bashing isn’t. Why does everyone think Marinette can do no wrong???)

[orangechickenpillow]

I just watched the season finale, and here are my first impression thoughts. 

First, I feel like I need to say that I was so nervous for this episode. My nerves were practically turning me into a dehydrated prune, I was shitting myself so bad. 

Okay, time for thoughts now:

Guillermo talking about how everyone just needed to talk about their feelings was like... YES, thank you, we have all been saying the past two seasons, lets get to it already, damn

Guillermo having a full blown freak out was honestly such a mood. 

The way Nadja looked at Guillermo when she was showing him the tape -- full of so much genuine sadness. It seemed like she was really confiding something serious in him, and I really loved that moment between them. 

Laszlo’s speech to Nadja made me cry. That is all. 

The Hug™. The hug was just... so fucking cute, help me. 

The Fight™. Just... The. Fight. Why was it so erotic? Holy shit. It was the first time that I was actually like ‘oh shit, Nandor could really fuck somebody up, couldn’t he?’ And not to mention Guillermo being an absolute girlboss, like damn boi. And the way that he just... brought Nandor to his knees. Like, holy shitballs, i was not prepared. It was beyond great

Nandor saying Guillermo's full name was practically like them having sex, dont come for me

I feel like a piece of shit for this, but I honestly was expecting Nandor to leave Guillermo at the train station on purpose. Like that was his plan: make another empty promise of turning him and then bailing. But no... He was actually going to wait for him. He was actually going to turn him like he said (???). I feel like the whole “we were testing you” thing was just something he made up on the spot, but the rest actually seemed genuine. Somebody end my misery 

Laszlo. Shook. Guillermo's. Hand. Lasloshookguillermo'shand. I never would have seen that coming, and i feel that it really shows developement for Laszlo's character. Just. Wow.

As much as I hate that Guillermo was separated from Nandor and he (Nandor) doesn’t know why, I can’t be mad at Laszlo. The guy didn’t know what was happening with the two of them -- all he knew was that Colin Robinson needed him, and he didn’t want to hold his wife back from doing something she was passionate about. But he also didn't want her to be alone, and he trusted Guillermo enough to look after her. That says something. He really made a huge sacrifice, and I can’t fault him for that. Love the guy. 

That being said, I can totally see Nadja and Guillermo going absoutely feral next season. Like balls to the wall unhinged. Nadja because she’s pissed that Laszlo would just leave her without telling her, and also probably because she felt hurt by it and that hurt turned into anger. And Guillermo because Laszlo just Royally Fucked Up his chance at traveling the world with Nandor. 

As far as Nandor next season, I just hope to God he understands. I hope he is able to see what happened and still keep his promise to Guillermo. Just... please god i can’t handle any more angst between these two. 

All in all, I really enjoyed this episode. I thought the acting was absolutely superb -- like, everybody really stepped it the fuck up, and it was so awesome to watch. Season 4 literally cannot come soon enough, and I’m so excited to see where this show goes. 

But for now, I guess I’ll just have to suffer

Cheers y’all 

[my-one-true-l]

So I finished the Evangelion anime.

No I did not abandon studying for finals for this, I am being reasonable, I just got really into it lmao.

Spoilers for Neon Genesis Evangelion

I loved it. Genuinely it definitely picked up my interest after episode 4 and i’m glad I kept up with it.

The whole thing with Gendo and Rei, what in the hell! Okay I saw that coming from a mile off but that doesn’t mean I didn’t go “i’m sorry what” and pause for a good minute afterwards. I’m glad it wasn’t as weird as I initially thought it was gonna be, but still.

Kaworu, I got such fishy vibes from him from the moment he showed up. I kinda miss him though I can’t lie.

Kaiji. What can I say about Kaiji. He was so sus in the start, but I feel like he sort of redeemed himself later.

Asuka i’m very conflicted over. Her attitude towards Shinji and the others does annoy me quite a lot but I can’t bring myself to hate her. It’s frustrating, yes, but I understand why she is the way she is.

Tohji is probably one of my favourites. I don’t know why, I just attached myself to him so quickly.

Now, what’s all this about a rare pair with Misato that you mention earlier? I’m curious to know~

Overall, I’m glad I kept at it. It was a little awkward at times, but the 90s aesthetic and the amazing music and cool opera that randomly showed up was entertaining and kind of nostalgic. I got my start on some old animes like Sailor moon and stuff so it really is quite reminiscent.

Hahaha, Yeah Gendo is definitely messed up. I have so many feelings about him and way too many to put here (plus I don't want to spoil anything for anyone who sees this and hasn't watched it and plans to).

I loved Kaji. I can see where there are times when it's easy to question what his deal is. Asuka...I was never fond of her. With any show I'm super into, I know I've had my feelings on some characters soften with every rewatch, but she's never been one of them. I understand why she's like that and I feel for her, but...idk. There is just something that doesn't hit with me for some reason. I rewatch Evangelion every June (It's a tradition I've had for almost 2 decades lol) maybe this time will be different lol. I adore Toji! He is one of my favorites! Such a bright force in the story!

Misato is one of my favorite all time characters and I run into so many people that that hate her (which is another reason I bounced from the Evangelion fandom fast, though I blame the hate towards her in part on the Netflix dub, which I found horrendous, so if that is the one you watched and still enjoyed it, I applaud you so hard right now lol! The first time I watched it was a bootleg straight out of Japan and I feel like the sub translation was just way more accurate to the intention of the show and had a different feel for the characters than the new Netflix dub. Idk, that may just be me.)

The rare pair was for Rei! :-) I ship her with Kaworu so bad! lol. I call them my moon children. I just....AHKDGSLGHLDSKDK! There are reasons for that...but again...spoilers. lol. I ship Misato (tragically) with Kaji. For someone who doesn't ship much, I have a decent amount for Evangelion lol!

I feel like, to me anyway, a major theme of Evangelion is you can't expect everyone and everything to be black and white. People are complicated and with that, their feelings and reasonings for doing things are as well. Maybe that's why I like the characters that I've seen hated on so much. People want them to be good or a specific kind of "bad" (everyone loves a sexy villain, but that isn't there in Evangelion) and I don't feel that any of the characters fit into those tropes easily.

Ok I have to scream to you about the moment I was hooked and I'm going to put it under a cut because spoilers...

In episode one, When Unit-01 moves one her own to protect Shinji, I was done for. I was like...holy shit his mother's soul is in there, isn't it? The person I was watching it with was like "How the Hell did you...???" That's why I always say the EVA Units are characters. It's not that I'm a mecha fan (I don't hate them, they just usually aren't my jam is all), It was the moment that these EVA's were so much more than just an innovation to fight the Angels. Like...they were sentient. She recognized her baby and wanted to protect him. It was so viscerally moving for me. An artificial construct...with a mother's soul trapped inside it...Hell yes, give it to me. I have literally had people tell me that Yui's soul isn't inside her, and like...Did you guys even watch the anime? Like...that's the whole point and...just wow. The concept of what is it to have a soul is such a central theme in Evangelion (don't get me started on our Rei and that...We'll be here all day lol!)

Ok I will shut it now. Thank you for letting me ramble about this. I have no one to talk about this amazing anime with and I just want to explode sometimes lol. It was the first anime I watched that I fell in love with and it's so special to me. Arguably my favorite of all time, the only reason I put arguably is because L is my all time favorite character, so I feel like I have to put Death Note right up there next to it, even though if it wasn't for him, it wouldn't be as high as it is on the list lol. That sounds terrible but it's the truth lol. I once told someone that Evangelion was my favorite, I just had to make a little room in my heart for Death Note as well. I can't think of another way to put it into words lol.

[ask-artsy-oncie]

Some Honesty Regarding Swindle

Hello everyone. As I'm sure the vast majority of you know, I do all the visual work for the DT17 fancomic, Swindle. For a while now, I've been having a lot of thoughts, a decent amount of angst and anxiety included, about the comic and I guess I'd just like to share. I honestly don't know if this is unprofessional, and I don't know if this is stuff that should have just remained private. I'm really not that good at sharing relatively "deep thoughts" privately outside of one-on-one conversations, and in this case it really doesn't feel fair of me to dish so much out on one person. I've done that enough, already, and I always feel guilty afterwards. It feels more right to just throw this stuff into the void.

I do know that all this stuff is personal feelings, though. That's why it's staying here and not being put on the actual Swindle blog. It's not necessary.

For anyone who doesn't want to read, please don't worry, Swindle isn't canceled, it's not delayed, I don't hate or resent it, like. Just don't worry. This is just my rumination, a reflection on a lot of feelings I've had for the past year (and more). It's not some signifier for the End Times, so I'd appreciate it if this didn't lead to some sort of panic.

I'm not entirely sure where to start. I could offer some kind of disclaimer on the kind of person I am and why I feel the way I do, but treating it as a disclaimer feels pretty inappropriate. I think moreso what happened is that my rumination on my feelings just allowed me to put words to the cause of them. The vast majority of the negative feelings just stem from some pretty bad anxiety, exhaustion, and self-loathing.

As the premier of Chapter 4 draws closer, my anxiety continues to climb. There are... a lot of reasons for a lot of things I feel - everything is kinda just swarming chaotically inside me, so forgive me for being so vague - but I think why this chapter in particular is going to be so hard for me is because it marks the beginning of unfamiliar territory and potential changes. Chapter 1 had been written for months before the comic even started, Chapter 2 was a segway into Chapter 3, and Chapter 3 is literally the first concept that brought Ty to life.

Chapter 4 isn't bad. Objectively, it's fantastically written, and Lolly's writing isn't just entertaining to read - it's legitimately well-structured and lends itself to exploring Ty as a character so well. She's fantastically skilled at set-up and pay-off. Even subjectively, the only problem I have with the actual contents of the chapter is the use of DT17-specific terminology for Talespin-specific terms. Otherwise, it's a genuine joy to read. I'm very excited to watch it unfold before you all and even more excited to see people relate this chapter to previous chapters and relate future chapters to this chapter.

And that's the thing - this is definitely a "me" problem, it's anxiety (with a side of self-loathing) rearing its ugly head.

Truthfully, I don't like talking about Lost Cargo!. Similarly to how I didn't actually like talking about Frozen in 2013/2014 or Coco in 2017/2018. I am aware. That I talk about it a lot. I don't like talking about it. The reason I do is because I have all these unsorted and often conflicting feelings and I NEED to sort through them, somehow. I'm an analytical kind of person, one who's still learning about myself, and why a piece of media may make me feel the way it does. I want to properly understand myself, because if one of my biggest longings in life is to find someone who understands me, I have to be able to do so for myself. Shortly after that episode aired, for example, I was able to realize that it's a lot easier for me to relax and enjoy a piece of media or aspects of a piece of media with, like, stability and normal emotions, when I'm not immediately jumped on for expressing criticism towards it.

Unfortunately, I wasn't allowed that leeway when I expressed my thoughts on Lost Cargo!. I was jumped on for either being too negative OR too positive about the episode, and as a result I'm STILL trying to effectively process my feelings about it. Usually I just end up very anxiously and hyperactively jumping between "the episode is visually perfect, I love the designs, I adore the backgrounds, the animation is fucking amazing I love love love love Kit's redesign" and "I fucking hate the writing, fuck this episode, it ruins so much on a fundamental level, I don't fucking like the casting, blargh blargh and all that, I am inclined to leave my room because I can't stand looking at anything Ducktales or Talespin related, hate hate hate hate", but no matter how I'm feeling it's always wrong, wrong, wrong. I know a lot of people are sick of hearing it. I'm sick of hearing it. I, like, actively don't respect myself for how stuck on this episode I've been. I'm frustrated with myself and it makes me think less of myself.

This has relevancy to Swindle, I swear. I'm not out her to dish out the contents of an episode you all already know my opinion on, that part isn't actually what matters to this post, to these ruminations.

What matters here is the internal struggle caused by the desire to keep everything as canon-compliant as possible VS the pretenses I was under when I offered to make Swindle into a comic. Ducktales 2017 essentially had my 100% stamp of approval - as in, even if there were aspects of the show I was willing to criticize, it was all comprised of something I'd be willing to work with and remain canon-compliant to. I wasn't about to just change or not acknowledge Goldie's incarnation in '17 just because I liked her '87 incarnation better, yknow? I'm not out here demanding we ignore or go back on Webby's biological relation to Scrooge just because it's not what I would have done - in fact, I'm making the best of it. This show has my heart, I was out here defending it regardless of how hard the fandom would rail against certain episodes, characters, or arcs.

So, with that thought in mind, I assumed that keeping canon compliancy was never going to be an issue for me, which works well, because Lolly and I are both the kinds of fan artists who like to keep things very close to canon compliancy. It's how we operate. I assumed that even if the Talespin episode was underwhelming, as long as it didn't disprove Ty's existence, we'd be good to go, right? Because we spent pretty much the entirety of 2020 not only developing Ty, but developing how these characters from Talespin would exist and work within the DT17 universe. Even if the episode was underwhelming, it would be okay, because we had a metric fuckton of supplementary thoughts and developments that would make up for that, and for characters that did have an underwhelming presence (or no presence) like Molly and pretty much every Talespin character they didn't (or legally couldn't) use, that remains mostly true. What I didn't expect was an episode so actively disappointing that so many of the things that had been thought up couldn't fit into it. It wasn't just that it had become a character assassination of a character that meant (and still does mean) a lot (SO much) to me, it was that it actively fought against the idea of H4H as a family that it left things a little difficult to pick up the pieces.

And not impossible. Like I said, so many characters didn't appear that utilizing them as tools to help mend or explain away aspects of the episode isn't terribly hard (I did only say it was a little difficult), but it conflicted enough with what was already written that things were going to have to change - a good, decent amount - from what was already written.

And this is where things circle back to being a "me" problem. Those older ideas we had before the episode aired? I liked them better. Even if they were rough drafts or otherwise not as refined, they had the building blocks of something I still just. Enjoy more than many of the changes that were made, simple as that. There's nothing objectively wrong with these changes, and the majority of you will never notice them because they're well written and were never that impactful to the story of Swindle to begin with. I think, ultimately, what my problem is is just that I happened to fall in love with ideas that weren't mine, ideas that were shared privately, and ideas that the original creator of has since abandoned. I can't talk about them because they aren't my ideas to share, meaning making and sharing art related to them is an absolute no-go (it's why I felt so much guilt about posting the "homoerotic standoff" piece until I had Lolly's express permission, and I still sometimes have a hard time looking at a piece I'm so fucking proud of because of the larger scope of what it represents) and I'll eventually have to let go of them, entirely. I'm already past the point where I should have let go. And again I find myself frustrated with myself for struggling so much to.

Like, yeah. Kit is not going to be the character I want him to be. And that sucks for me, personally. And ugly, petty thoughts rear their ugly, petty heads where I'm compelled to be spiteful and say shit like "he's not even going to be a pilot, huh?" even though that has absolutely no bearing on the actual story of Swindle, or even change terms in the dialogue back to their Talespin-specific counterparts. But being compelled to do something doesn't mean I actually want to do it. As in, I know that's wrong and I'd immediately feel guilty for putting Lolly through anything shitty for something that I care about for some reason but ultimately doesn't matter and therefore achieves nothing (nothing good, that is). Besides that, being a brat and saying "I don't like this, do that instead" is something I cannot condone at all, because it leads to bad final products. It breeds resentment, it revokes a creator of their vision, and it makes a creator work with something they aren't passionate about (or it would have been a part of the original vision). I wouldn't be happy even if I did "get my way" or whatever my petty, internal idea of "getting my way" is, because not only would I be deeply ashamed of myself, but the final product wouldn't be enjoyable to read.

I don't like myself. I already don't like myself. So I try my best to avoid being the kind of person I'd like even less. A while back, Lolly told me that there wouldn't be anything in the comic that would make me too mad (something along those lines). She trusted me to both be normal about inconsequential shit and to trust her. And regardless of whatever anxiety I'm feeling about literally meaningless aspects of a comic I have so much more to love about, I'm steeling myself to at least tolerate whatever might happen that I'll have weird feelings about. Because she trusted me and I made a promise to her and I've resolved to do my best to stop complaining and just listen. And accept. Even on an internal level. Because I love her work and I love her and I want to do her justice by following through with what I promised I would do, and by doing it well.

Unfortunately... this ends up leading into another problem. The willingness to play into canon compliancy has lead to a certain level of... expectations. If not from other people, at least something I've imposed upon myself. I think this is where "exhaustion" starts to come into play.

People do so much to compliment my work on Swindle, constant reminders of how well I'm able to capture the spirit of the show on a visual level. I cannot say that I don't appreciate these comments from the bottom of my heart, let me just say. It's just that, like everything in life, there are some pros to receiving messages like this, and some cons. One of these cons is that I simply have a hard time seeing what people are saying. Every page is riddled with errors and there are times when the art is bad on an objective level. At the very least, rushed. I swear, every time I upload a page I can see a new thread on the Bad Webcomics forum bashing and berating and picking everything I drew apart (in my head. As far as I know there is no Bad Webcomics thread about us and I'd prefer to keep it that way, or at least stay ignorant to it.) But it is rushed. Because, as I've said so many times, I cannot afford to spend so much time on a full-color comic I do for free (...mostly. I am technically making $15 a month thanks to it, but I shouldn't have to explain how far below minimum wage that is to justify calling this "free labor", right?) so they genuinely can't be that much better.

Another con is a very unfortunate, however unintentional, side affect - there is an expectation to look like the show. To make the comic as visually convincing as possible. And I've already explained why that's such a struggle to do. I've pulled so many all-nighters or close to all-nighters despite people telling me not to. I exhaust myself on Monday to make sure everything's ready on Tuesday and Thursday but usually end up fixing and cleaning things up (if not finishing the page set to upload that day in the event where it isn't actually finished) on Tuesday and Thrusday and now suddenly I'm dedicating 3 out of 7 days of the week to Swindle and spending a lot of time just being exhausted, otherwise.

We, a two-person team making a fan comic for free, have unexpectedly inherited the expectations of keeping aflame the spirit of an animated television show with a massive cast who were compensated for their work before episodes even aired. No matter how many people try to assure me to take things easy, this is the inescapable reality of it all. Regardless of what I may have promised Lolly, she isn't the only one I'm making a promise to anymore, she isn't the only thing I'm expected to (by my own standards, mind you) please anymore. We have a massive audience, a follower count that surpasses my social media presence everywhere else. We inherited a fanbase of people looking to us after Ducktales ended. This isn't to sound pompous - as much as I am proud, I'm scared. I'm used to being a small creator, I'm used to getting not much attention. Hell, I'm used to being frustrated with how little attention I get. The fact that you'll be hard-pressed to find an illustration of mine on the Swindle blog that doesn't surpass 100 notes is unreal to me.

It's terrifying to have that level of expectation to fill a void when you're not fully sure if you're capable of filling it.

I do not dislike or resent Swindle in any way. There is a part of me, though, that worries about how my insistence to make this a comic has impacted both myself and Lolly. If Swindle had remained a fic, then Lolly could have eventually walked away if she really wanted or needed to. She would have been in a sea among many who are also making Ducktales 2017 fics after the series had ended. Not to say her work wouldn't have been special, but I don't think there would have been as much of a pressure to get everything out both quickly and consistently. Every time I finish I page, there's a timer ticking for her to get the next chapter's script done. Every time I miss an upload date, we get endless messages asking why we didn't upload or when we are going to upload. I understand that entitlement is everywhere, fic writers deal with it all the time, and it isn't something one should bend to, but it's so exhausting to have neglected your health for something you don't get compensation for only to be told, when you've reached a breaking point and you need to rest, that you should be doing more. I'd love to be pumping out five pages a week. I'd love to have been animating this story. But I can't. I simply can't do more than I already do, and sometimes I can't even do what I already do. I wish I could, and I'm sorry.

It's hard. It's hard for me to accept praise for the work I do on Swindle. Not just because of self-loathing, but because I really just do not want to overshadow the work Lolly has done. This is her baby. She's the one spearheading it, and the reason it exists. At the same time, I once again find myself increasingly frustrated with myself for literally compromising my health and pouring so much into this comic only to downplay what I do. I'm still trying to find balance, in that regard, still trying to figure out a healthier and, honestly, better way to relate to feedback about the comic. Let me just say that I probably wouldn't have a social media presence if I was an actual showrunner who didn't rely on fans for my income - Frank has my eternal respect for how long he lasted as a showrunner who so frequently interacted with fans. I get overwhelmed very easily and I don't have a lot of patience, by default. And that's on top of having a hard time telling if something is "rude" by allistic standards (which is more of something I deal with IRL but have had issues with online). I didn't even know if running the Swindle Server was something I'd be able to handle because I have a history of panicking and leaving large group chats due to being overwhelmed, though thankfully the server is at least quiet enough that I can avoid feeling that way.

So, yeah, Chapter 4 is coming up, and I have a lot of feelings about it. Feelings that have caused a lot of mental health issues when I try to bottle them up. Already, in writing as much as I have, so far, I'm starting to feel better. Like I'm processing everything in an understandable way and finally organizing these jumbled, swarming feelings rather than holding back for the sake of being polite or spilling them out during a breakdown. Like not everything in my room is clean but I've at least cleared my sofa and coffee table and that area of the room is functional again, yknow?

And that isn't to say all my feelings about Swindle or even Chapter 4 are negative. I've already said how excited I am for the role this chapter plays (though I am still very anxious about being judged for how I interpret and devlop it, visually) and think you all would enjoy it, too. I'm still sappy as all hell for this bear and bird, Ty and Louie are still characters I love to the ends of the earth. Lolly and her work, I will also always (mostly) adore and admire deeply. Fuck, there's a reason why I make so many comics based on her writing, it moves me. She moves me. She's brilliant and a fucking amazing friend, I couldn't ask for anything more.

Last night, amidst all the frustration about how tumblr's app does not fucking work and I hate it, I was somehow reminded about how I finished the first three pages of Swindle (the cover, Chapter 1's cover, and the first page of Chapter 1) only hours before I was to go to San Francisco to get top surgery. How two things that would impact my life so much both intersected within a handful of hours. Even though I wasn't able to gain momentum for the comic for a while, so many of you hopped into the server while I was healing and started conversing and sharing your love for Ty and this comic when only a page of story had been released so far. October 2020 hit in such a way that I'll probably treasure and remember for the rest of my life. I love this. Despite everything, I love this. I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't.

That's all I have for now. I'm gonna be honest, I'll probably block anyone who decides to bitch at me over this because it just. Took a lot to be this level of vulnerable. And I think I respect myself just enough to not put myself through bullshit again. At least not right now.

I'm gonna post this and probably not be on social media for the rest of the day. Maybe in DMs, who knows. But for now, it's time for me to take a break. Play a video game, watch a movie, or possibly maybe even go outside and get a breath of fresh air (I can't be "pale little frijol" forever).

If you're reading this, thank you so much for your time, support, and understanding. I hope the rest of the day treats you well.

[littlemisspascal]

Death and an Angel part 5

Helmetless + Death!Din and Cupid F!Reader

Summary: A call with one of your bosses threatens to split you and Din apart.

Rating: T

Word Count: 2,075

Warnings: Reader experiences a panic attack, use of a swear word, angst, reference to most recent Mandalorian episode so I guess it’s kind of spoiler-ish, hurt/comfort and more angst

Author Note: All the love to everyone who follows along with this series! I joined AO3 recently so all these parts will be on there as well at LittleMissPascal. I’m actually really nervous about the response to this particular segment so...be gentle, please ❤

Links to Part 1 and Part 4 and Part 6

Photo Inspiration: 

“Cupid 1-1-7, am I hearing you correctly? You said there was an explosion?”

You scrub a hand over your face, biting back a sigh lest the comlink picks it up. “Not a literal one, sir. I’m still not sure what happened, just that when my client touched a potential match’s hand there was this...invisible blast of energy or something.”

The silence on the other end is enough to make you want to slam your head against the wall of the Razor Crest. You’d called headquarters as soon as you and Din had returned to his ship, figuring if anyone had a clue as to what the hell had happened it’d be one of your superiors. 

After twenty minutes of explaining your predicament not once, but three times, you’re beginning to realize you were evidently mistaken.

“Remind me again, Cupid 1-1-7, what name was it you referred to this immortal client of yours as?” Over the comlink, your boss’ voice sounds as if he’s gargling jagged rocks, deep and throaty. You can imagine the narrowed-eyed look he’d be giving you in person and you’re grateful you’re not currently having this conversation over a holoprojector. 

“I didn’t.” 

Your eyes drift to the ladder leading up to the cockpit where Din is located. Something inside of you is insistent you keep Din’s identity hidden from your superiors. It’s a feeling you’ve never experienced before, certainly not with any of your former clients. Part of you thinks of the sensation as possessiveness, but what have you to be possessive of? You have no claim to him, nothing tying you to one another. 

“Interesting,” your boss says, dry as the Dune Sea.

“My client is high-profile, sir. He asked me to remain discreet and I intend to uphold his request.” You clutch the comlink against your chest, taking deep breaths to keep yourself calm as you wait to hear if he believed your lie or not.

“This...incident you’ve described, it does bring to mind an event in history with similar details.” There is a shuffling sound that echoes over the device, resembling papers being picked up and flipped through. He hums, a long drawn out note that makes your skin crawl. “Yep, here’s the report right here, referencing an outburst erupting as a result of the physical contact between a potential pair.”

You wait for more information, drumming your fingers against a nearby crate.

“Unfortunately, you are not of rank to hear the specifics.”

“But—”

“I must say though, the Moff will be most interested in this development,” he continues, ignoring your protest as if you hadn’t opened your mouth at all. 

Heart lodging in your throat at the mention of the head seraph, you manage to choke out, “I really don’t think that’s necessary, Mr. Hess.”

“That’s sir to you, Cupid 1-1-7.”

“Yes, sir. Sorry, sir. Forgive me, sir.” You’re two seconds from babbling yourself off a cliff and you can’t find the off switch for your mouth. “It’s just. Moff Gideon is so busy, as I’m sure you know, and I would hate to bother him with this case when I have everything under control—”

“Except that you clearly don’t. Otherwise you wouldn’t have made this call.”

His words hit you like a punch, silencing you.

“The Moff will hear about this, as well as your breaking protocol by concealing information from your superior when directly asked. No doubt he will be as displeased about your behavior as I am.” 

Your eyes fall shut as you listen, slumping against the ship’s wall and sliding down onto the cold floor. You feel disconnected from the situation, as if he’s discussing someone else’s fate instead of your own. 

“In the meantime,” his voice drones on, adding more weight to the pressure on your chest. “I will permit you forty-eight hours to complete your assignment before I officially relegate it to another Cupid. You will also be ordered to take a reassessment test of your basic understanding of standard Cupid regulations.”

You squeeze your eyes together tighter, feeling like you’re about to throw up. Each breath you take feels pointless, as if there is no longer any oxygen in the air, but you have enough pride left to keep you from having a breakdown with your boss still on the line. 

“Do you understand the terms in which I’ve stated to you, Cupid 1-1-7?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Amor vincit omnia.” The parting mantra sounds almost sinister coming from his mouth.

“Amor vincit omnia,” you echo, forcing your voice to remain steady.

The comlink clicks off. The floodgates open not a second later.

You press your palms against your mouth, desperately trying to hold back the sobs that wrack your body so they don’t disrupt the silence of the cargo hold. The tears streaming down your face refuse to be stifled though, burning your eyes as they fall. Your head pounds in rhythm with your heartbeat, a frantic drumming counting down the seconds until you either scream or pass out. Or both.

It’s an ugly, hysterical kind of crying that can’t be stopped once started, not even when you hear movement from the ladder right before Din slides down it, boots thudding loudly against the floor. 

And then it seems like Din is right there in front of you without ever having moved, unnaturally fast and stealthy, gloved fingers resting on your shoulders. He’s taken off his helmet, brown eyes full of such concern it only makes you cry harder seeing them, further increasing his worry.

“Are you hurt? Tell me what’s wrong, angel,” he murmurs, a note of franticness in his voice as he looks you over for injuries, finding none except for the few scratches along your arms you’d received earlier when you landed in the dirt.

You shake your head when he tries to move your hands away from your face, emitting a choked hiccup that threatens to crack your already-bruised rib cage with its intensity. 

“Angel, you’ve got to breathe, okay?” Din says, soft and soothing. You blink through your watery vision, finding his gaze again, and he offers you a small, reassuring smile. “In and out. Just like this.” He inhales a purposefully deep breath, then slowly releases it without once breaking eye contact.

You try to copy him, but your nose is stuffed with snot and your lungs hitch with another round of sobs, ruining your attempt.

“Can I…?” Din again reaches for one of your hands, this time hovering without attempting direct contact, waiting for your consent. 

Trembling, it feels like a monumental task to remove your hand from where it’s glued to the top of your other one still covering your mouth. Din grabs onto your wrist and brings your hand to his chest plate, pressing it against the cool beskar.

“Together, okay? In and out.”

He continues his litany of encouragement, patient and calm, and gradually your heaving sobs begin to lose their power, enabling you to reclaim control of your lungs. Catching your breath, you begin to wipe away the lingering tears with the hand not still held gently in Din’s grip. 

“Sorry,” you sniff, embarrassed. The beginning ache of a migraine starts to form in the back of your head, worsening when you try to move too quickly, and you bite back a wince.

His grip on your wrist tightens in admonishment. “There’s no need to be,” he says, but your ears detect his thinly restrained anger. “Who were you speaking to?”

“He’s one of my superiors. Valin Hess,” you answer, biting your lip.

“I should have him wiped clean from the galaxy for making you cry,” Din hisses, a snarl on his face and eyes darkening with rage.

Face to face with anyone else, you would have felt terrified being so close to such open hostility. But this is how Din expresses his overprotective nature, making himself a more dangerous threat than the enemy, and for that reason, you could never be scared of him. 

“Din, listen to me,” you say, curling your hand in his grasp until he yields to your movements and allows you to intertwine your fingers with his gloved ones. “What happened on Sorgan when you touched Omera’s hand, Hess said it wasn’t the first time something like that has happened. He wouldn’t give me the details though because I’m not high enough rank.”

He raises an eyebrow. “I wasn’t aware Cupids had any kind of ranking system.”

“It’s based on how long you’ve existed. I’ve only been a Cupid for fifty years now, barely made any kind of lasting imprint on the galaxy.”

“Don’t say that,” he mutters, shooting you a stern look. “You’ve made a bigger impact than you could ever know.”

Struck momentarily speechless, you can only watch as he moves to sit on the floor beside you, clasped hands settling between his thigh and yours. The pauldron on his shoulder presses against the upper half of your arm and you tilt your head until your temple rests against it.

“That’s not what made you upset,” Din says.

You don’t need to shake your head, confirming the truth he already knows, but you do anyway, comforted by the cold metal rubbing across your forehead.

“What did he tell you, angel?”

You know by how he squeezes your hand that he genuinely wants to hear what happened. You know he must hear it from you because no one else can break the news. And you know you cannot lie to him because Hess’ intervening affects him even more than it does yourself. Still, in spite of knowing all of this, the words don’t come out any easier.

“I have only two days to figure out who your soulmate is before he reassigns you another Cupid.”

Din goes abruptly stiff. “What.”

“Because of the explosion and then also because I broke protocol by refusing to say you were my client, Hess believes I’m not handling things well and should be replaced by someone better.”

If you hadn’t known Din was immortal, you would think he died with how still he remains at your side. Leaning back with increasing worry, you see him staring forward across the cargo hold, granting you only a glimpse of the side of his face.

He...Oh, Maker. 

He looks kriffing pissed.

“Din—”

“How...” he cuts himself off, nostrils flaring as he clenches his jaw. “How could they ever think there is anyone better than you?”

For the job, you tell yourself, not allowing your hopes to rise. He means there isn’t anyone better for the job.

“I’m just a Cupid,” you tell him weakly, shrugging a shoulder. “I—”

“Stop talking poorly about yourself,” he snaps, the closest he’s ever come to yelling at you, turning to meet your gaze with fire burning in his eyes. You swallow thickly, his intensity making you feel like cornered prey. 

When he speaks again, his baritone voice has become a low murmur, each word carefully chosen and bleeding sincerity. “Everything you said about knowing who your soulmate is—I want to experience all of it with you. Only you. You’re it for me, angel.”

You freeze, unable to believe what you’re hearing, train of thought coming to a screeching halt. For the second time during this conversation, you’ve lost your voice, mouth opening and closing but no sound coming out.

“You’re it for me,” he repeats, sounding as if he’s pleading for you to believe him. “So tell your bosses to go fuck themselves. You’re the only Cupid I could ever want by my side.”

The reference of your designation is like dumping a bucket of ice water over your head, shocking your entire system. You wrench yourself away from him, stumbling onto your feet.

“You don’t know what you’re saying,” you say as you start to pace around the room, hearing the hysterical edge in your own voice.

He stands up, expression warring between confusion and irritation. “I know you feel something too. Why do you keep pulling away from me?”

“Because we can’t be together, Din,” you answer, blinking back the unbidden tears starting to form again. “I’m not your soulmate. It isn’t possible!” 

“Angel.” He catches your elbow when you pass by him, forcing you to face him. His voice is brittle when he speaks, already expecting your answer to shatter his wounded heart. “Why can’t you be with me?”

“Because I’ve already met my soulmate. And he wasn’t you.”

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