#I’m so SICK of these old gays

[ideologyofone]

Imagine reuniting with your ex of 15 years that you never got over and within 24 hours they’re carrying you bridal style while you initiate your plans to assassinate two government officials in a murder suicide pact

It’s just so ROMANTIC 💘🥹🥰😭❤️

[disneydatass]

So Comic-Con announced they’re doing/releasing an animated gaang movie of them as adults instead of the kyoshi series and how much you wanna bet it’s bc of the lesbianism -.-

[gregkinz]

AAAAAAAAAUUGHSAAHJJAAAAYGGHHHGAAAAYYGHHAUUUGH <- thought about the intricate rituals

[applecherry108]

I…

So I grew up watching The Simpsons. And maybe I shouldn’t have, but hey, it was the 90s and parent-sanctioned family time to watch a show that was definitely inappropriate for little-little kids.

Anyways.

I knew Phil Hartman, voice of Troy McClure and Lionel Hutz died in 1998, when I was seven. I knew he died and was sad about it. I missed his characters.

MOTHERFUCKER I WAS TODAY YEARS OLD—30-FUCKING-2 TO BE EXACT—WHEN I FOUND OUT, FROM A YOUTUBE THUMBNAIL, THAT HE WAS MURDERED. IN HIS SLEEP. BY AN EX-PARTNER.

WHAT THE FUCK

[hag-lad]

Holy fuck, all of your takes about homosexuality are DOGSHIT today, kiddos. Has “queer” in-fighting fully circled back around to become pure homophobia? It’s more likely than you think!

[roostertuftart]

I don’t even care about this discourse anymore I just wish it wasn’t constantly being shoved down the rest of the fandom’s throat as this full blown “actually you’re wrong for thinking this isn’t canon” bullshit that’s so needlessly cherry picked. So much for fanworks not having to support canon.

[vers-1]

I need to write this final rn, but it’s so boring. Like I’ve spent the entire term talking about it and now you want me to say it again!!!!?! Pls pls don’t make me do it!!!!!!!!!!!

[eyelessfaces]

I'll be the silence ringing through and through and through

santiago garcia x reader

summary: if santi had it his way, he would be back home, with you, his mouth on your neck or something of that kind– it would have been possible, a few months ago. or in some alternate universe where he hadn’t fucked it all up. in short; santi wants you back.

warnings: mentions of a breakup but no reason is mentioned, alcohol consumption

tags: f!reader, exes to lovers, inevitable angst, fluff

word count: 1.7k

masterlist | taglist | ao3

updates blog: @eyelessupdates

happy new year!!!! randomly dropping a santi fic to start it right hhhh

fic title is from the song "heart to heart" by fiddlehead :)

reblogs and feedback are extremely (I cannot stress this enough) appreciated!!

If Santi had it his way, he would be back home, with you, his mouth on your neck or something of that kind–

It would have been possible, a few months ago.

Or in some alternate universe where he hadn’t fucked it all up, and where he would be holding you by the waist and kissing your cheek instead of having to watch you from afar, scrutinizing every littlest movement of yours while he was slumped in Frankie’s couch, like an hermit, feeling helpless, the neck of his beer being the only thing to kiss his lips tonight.

Maybe it was just the alcohol, maybe everything would seem way less dramatic tomorrow, save for the hangover headache – but no, scratch that, he wasn’t even drunk, just barely tipsy, so no, tomorrow won’t be better.

It must be the sight of you laughing at another man’s joke then, probably.

Was he hitting on you? Was he just a friend, like Benny, Will and Frankie were to you? 

He shouldn’t care; that wasn’t his business, that wasn’t his problem. Not anymore. Not that he had been the kind to carefully observe your every movement any time you talked to another man back when you were together. He had never really been of that kind, he trusted you.

Except here, right now, it was his problem. For some reason, it felt like it was, and even more than before, when you were still together.

Because now that you didn’t love him anymore, there was nothing to stop you from doing anything with that man.

Would that man fill the hole Santi had left in your heart? Would he make you happier that Santi ever had? 

Probably. He was probably a good man, would be a good boyfriend, wouldn’t fuck everything up. Would probably even marry you, and he’d be damn right to.

“He’s gay” Will snorts, plopping down next to Santi, giving a small pat to his chest. Santi’s gaze finally departs from you to turn to his right, where his friend has settled next to him.

“Good to know, but I‘m not interested in him,” Santi jokes, looking down at his half full beer. Half empty.

“That, I know.” Will cocks his head to the side, a more serious expression over his face as he brings his beer to his mouth. Santi’s gaze darts back to you and that man talking, a sick feeling filling his stomach as he sees you smile and shake your head frantically just the way you used to when he would come up with a shitty joke. “I’m like, eighty three percent sure she’s still in love with you.” Will speaks again, nudging Santi’s knee with his own.

“Seventeen percent of what?” Santi chuckles, more convinced that the rest of that percentage is the most important part.

“Seventeen percent of, you still fucked up, man.” Will says, patting Santi’s knee before getting up from the couch, already. “I’m not good at math dude, but all I can tell you is, it’s worth trying again!” he declares over the music, pointing at Santi before disappearing through the crowd. 

Easier said than done.

Santi sighs, bites the inside of his cheek as he runs a hand over his few days old stubble. 

He had never had any issue talking to people with ease, but for some reason, the idea of talking to you tonight seemed like the most intimidating thing he ever had to do in his entire life.

But god, did he want to look at you in the eyes again. To have you make that focused frown whenever you were attentively listening to someone. To see the way your lips curled up into a smile when you could pre shot a joke, and the way you still pretended not to know what the punchline was, and still ended up laughing.

Santi smiles to himself, finishes his beer, and when he looks up, you’re not in the crowd anymore. Then Benny joins him when he goes to the kitchen for a refill, and you happen to slip out of his mind for the time being. 

—

The air is crisp, compared to the smothering heat inside. It tickles your cheeks, the tip of your ears, it hits every exposed area of skin, the sweat over it now feeling ice cold.

It’s all you needed and wanted, so you shouldn’t complain.

You walk back and forth along Frankie’s porch, the overwhelming feeling of the slight tipsiness and the fast beating of your heart simmering down, and you lean against the wall, taking a deep breath. 

You turn at the sound of the door opening beside you, the loud, previously muffled sound of the music now clear, ending up face to face with the one person you did your best to not go talk to all night long.

“Shit, sorry. I’ll go” Santi apologizes, still firmly holding the doorknob, starting to go back inside.

“No, no, it’s alright” you say, inviting him to stay with you. “I didn’t privatize the porch” you joke, giving him an awkward smile.

He chuckles as he tentatively steps outside, closing the door behind him, leaning his back against the wall beside you. Neither of you say a single word for a while, then he looks over at you, and you can feel the weight of his gaze on you. “I assumed you wouldn’t wanna see me.” he finally declares, making you scoff and shrug.

“I actually don’t mind,” you say, looking over at him. He’s now looking ahead, a small pinched smile over his lips. He runs his tongue over his bottom lip before looking back at you.

“I feel like an idiot.”

“Fair enough, you are one.” you immediately sigh, looking away. His gaze is too heavy. “I loved you.” the knot inside your throat tightens only after you pronounce the words, thankfully.

He swallows hard, a shiver running down his spine. It’s not the cold air’s doing. He stares deeply at you, watching you doing your best not to look at him.

“I know.” 

The atmosphere hangs heavily as the awkwardness takes over. The silence lingers, punctuated only by the sounds of the night around you. 

He pushes himself away from the wall, taking a step closer and turning to look at you, forcing the both of you to truly establish eye contact for the first time tonight.

"I fucked up, I know," he admits, his voice low and filled with remorse. "But I never meant to hurt you." he shakes his head. “Ever.”

You blink, your gaze tearing from his. "You did anyway," you reply, your tone tinged with a mixture of bitterness and sadness. The memories of the pain he caused are still fresh, wounds not fully healed. 

He runs a hand over his stubble, a nervous habit you remember all too well. "I know I can't change anything that I did, but I want you to know that I'm sorry."

Your eyes meet his own again, searching for sincerity. "It doesn't fix everything," you say, your guard still up. 

He nods understandingly. "I just needed to tell you, and to let you know I haven't stopped thinking about you."

The vulnerability in his gaze begins to chip away at your defenses. Despite the hurt, a part of you softens. "Santi–”

He cuts you off– "I've been thinking, and you know I don’t do it often” he jokes, scoffing. “And I realized how much I lost when I let you go." 

A wave of internal conflict washes over you. Your past relationship is a heavy burden you’re carrying, and you’re not sure you should grant him your forgiveness, yet there's a glimmer of something in his eyes that translates his genuine desire for redemption, and there’s some part of you that craves everything you had with him.

“Please,” he starts, his gaze chasing yours as he softly holds onto your wrist. “Please give me a second chance”

His plea hangs in the air, and you can feel the sincerity in his touch. The warmth of his hand on your wrist is a rough contrast to the chill in the night air. You sigh, and look away, torn between the pain of the past and the possibility of a different future. The silence stretches painfully, and you can hear the faint sounds of the night around you – a distant car passing by, the rustle of leaves in the breeze.

A shiver shakes through you, the brown of his eyes seeming deeper than usual, softer as he silently begs for you to say something.

“Second and last chance” you finally declare, refusing to give up on everything you’ve done to try to get over him, yet indulging in everything you’ve ever wanted since you’ve been apart. 

He nods silently, his hand leaving your wrist to settle at the juncture between your neck and shoulder. “Okay. Alright. I won’t need another one” he promises confidently, the frown over his face eventually softening. You smile as his thumb gently rubs over your now cold skin.

“Alright, but you gotta kiss me for it to take effect” you tease as you break the tense atmosphere, readjusting your position onto your feet and placing your hands at either side of his neck. His skin is warm, and you feel his muscles contract under your hands when he laughs.

“Good thing I’ve been wanting to do it all night long” he smirks before leaning in and pressing his lips against yours, smiling as you sigh into the kiss. This is it; you feel complete again. 

He tastes of booze, and his light stubble slightly stinging when he moves are surprisingly pleasant. Your hand shifts to rest at the back of his neck, feeling his scar here, his own hands pulling you closer at the waist where he squeezes lightly when you run your other hand through his short hair.

You pull away only once it becomes necessary, the lack of oxygen making you all giddy though you’re not sure it’s just it. Santi is still holding you close as he presses his warm lips over your forehead, laughing when a shiver runs through your spine and makes you jolt. 

“Alright” he declares as he strips himself of his shirt, pulling it over your shoulders.

“You already pulled this trick on our first date” you scoff, looking over at him. A sly smirk grows over his face as you adjust the jacket over your shoulders.

“...And it worked, didn’t it?”

—

reblogs and feedback are extremely (I cannot stress this enough) appreciated!!

triple frontier taglist: @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @mystinky-butt @anightshift @whatthefishh @alexxavicry @grxywindd @campingwiththecharmings @mintgreen24 @dameronshandholder @spider-starry @jakecockley @cocodiem @spxctorsslxt @luxisluxurious @dowbastan

[artbylittlebug]

i am so depressed 🙃

& really friggin lonely ＿|￣|○

i haven’t even really been enjoying drawing lately and kinda just wanna recluse from posting on social media entirely and try to throw myself into some other hobby like reading or gaming.

i moved to a new place in january to be closer to my parents but now i don’t even know if it was the right decision. there are seemingly no gay people here and i knew it would be this way before moving here but it still really sucks to live in the reality of it now. but i was depressed where i lived before anyway.

i’m sick of feeling this way since i was like 10 years old. sure i have improved in some ways, but every day is still so hard and i feel like giving up a lot. i know a lot of people are probably in similar situations to me. i have no close friends here, just my mum. which is more than some people have and i know i’m so lucky in so many ways.

life really sucks ʅ（◞‿◟）ʃ

[chocxy-prince]

Purecacao community

queer gay old men nation rise.

I just found out something i’m not sure other people realized.

while purelily is heavily implied, I find it to be a one way street more or less. She doesn’t show interest in him as much as he does her. It also reminds me of this love sick relationship where one would do anything for the other, and the other ones just blissfully ignorant or something.

to me it’s just…eh. and on top of that Lily is rather casual about their relationship from what i’m able to tell. So maybe she thinks it’s a friend thing and Pv wants it (in the story/canon lore) to be a relationship thing?? I should also point out that while Pure Vanilla tells/talks to other characters about how great lily was and how good of a friend she was, We weren’t sure how she felt until this point, so…eh.

so again, while it’s heavily implied i think purecacao simply makes more sense in some cases. We see more lore of them, we see more interactions…etc. with pure lily, Lily was gone up until this point, so we aren’t really sure what she was like with pure vanilla until the update. when she wasn’t there, the other ancients had the time of their life in the odyssey like she wasn’t ever there, That may just be me.

so in conclusion

Purelily= I still support it subtly because go for it you have opinions but might not be as plausible because we don’t see as many interactions, but then again that cannot be helped because she was gone for so long and from my understanding the update sucked.

Purecacao= gay old men for life and just makes more sense since we see what their relationship is like more and they talk more often

(!THIS IS MY OPINION; I don’t believe it is fully fact but i feel like im gonna get body slammed by somebody for this)

again, ship whoever the fuck you want because you’re allowed to do what you please without judgement.

also i only say this because of a video i saw and it all began to make sense in my head and thought i should ramble about it

edit: i just now remembered the ones from the blue berry academy of purelily and him, but it still applies. I also don’t think they were looking for a relationship back then anyway.

purelily shippers can keep going with their ship, but at least acknowledge this when you do

also, there is a reason i didn’t tag pure lily or white lily cookie. I shouldn’t have to say why.

adding this sub conclusion: purelily is more than likely a platonic relationship and purecacao can be also. But there’s just more evidence to back one more than the other.

(the purelily picture i believe is by @Revi but im not sure exactly what social it’s from.)

[pagannatural]

1.18

Something Wicked

-Winchester brothers investigate a sickness that spreads through child-siblings that’s really a monster that’s really the thing that haunts Dean for letting it get to Sammy. Help

-“Two queens” “I bet” Michael thought they were a gay couple trying to hide their relationship

-Nine-year old Dean made his little brother’s dinner and didn’t even sit down to eat anything himself. He gives the last bowl of lucky charms to Sammy due to puppydog eyes. He throws away Sammy’s spaghettios rather than eating them, saying Sam was the one who wanted them in the first place- so he probably doesn’t like them. Everything in this scene is for Sam.

-Sam offers Dean the cereal box prize. Dean remembers that 17 years later, which means it really meant something to him, which is so fucking cute.

-This is also the age at which Dean started making his own money Somehow and got a subscription to a news magazine. I think he wanted a way to feel like he was connected to the world outside that still allowed him to stay home watching Sam so he didn’t have to risk leaving again.

-Dean knew about all of the monsters his dad hunts and knew how to shoot a gun at this point and yet he wasn’t scared to leave the motel by himself and walk alone at night. And he’s in what, third grade? His fear center is broken

-Sam was probably scared to be woken up by his dad losing his shit over him, glaring daggers and yelling at his older brother standing in his doorway pale and shaking.

-Dean tells Sam “he gave me an order and I didn’t listen and I almost got you killed.” No wonder he did as John said for the rest of his life.

Sam tries to comfort him by saying he was just a kid, but Dean shuts him down.

He was never a kid. He still feels guilty for this.

-It’s not like he ran away or froze up. He pushed open Sam’s door, picked up and aimed his gun, and then hesitated when the monster roared at him. I think he was out of his mind afraid of what he was seeing-Sam in danger- and afraid that he would miss and accidentally shoot Sam. He tells Michael to get under the bed before they can take a shot at the shtriga later in the episode, so that’s definitely on his mind.

-Michael asks Dean if he would do anything for his little brother and Dean says “yeah I would.” Sam has told Dean both “I would die for you” and “I would do anything for you.” It’s Sam’s way of communicating how much he loves Dean. But I don’t think he’s heard that from Dean yet. Dean really doesn’t express how he feels with words the way Sam does, so he probably loved hearing this.

-Sam says “I’ve really given you a lot of crap for always following Dad’s orders. But I know why you do it.” Dean turns away and says “oh god kill me now” like this is too emotional for him. If the reason he followed orders was like, For Safety, this wouldn’t be an emotional conversation. Sam’s looking at Dean like, I know you do it for me.

-Shtriga attacks Sam, and Dean gets to save him and kill it, maybe allowing him to start changing the belief that challenging John would lead to Sam getting hurt. Before it was I failed so Sam almost died, now it’s I acted and I’m not nine anymore.

-Sam says sometimes he wishes he could have the innocence of never having known about monsters. Dean says “if it means anything, sometimes I wish you could too.”

Dean doesn’t even wish for his own innocence. I think Sam notices this.

Dean got to be a part of Sam’s life before he knew about hunting. He probably saw how Sam started getting scared, how he resisted hunting, and wished he didn’t have to do it. This is Dean admitting that yes, he does question and resent the way they grew up sometimes, he does see the ways that it hurt Sam. They both acknowledge the realities of each other’s lives- Sam understanding why Dean always follows John’s orders and Dean understanding why Sam wanted a different life.

This whole episode was about how big Dean’s love for Sam is, and about a monster that feeds on children’s youth and life force that Dean believes only got to Sam because of him. But Sam doesn’t even remember, Dean is the one living with that guilt.

[saltpepperbeard]

You're 27 years old, and you're talking to your therapist about a fucking pirate show getting cancelled. Jesus, grow the fuck up and go outside. Experience the real world and get a fucking job. That's one of the most pathetic things I've ever read.

Every single one of you ofmd fans are all just a bunch of fat women who fetishise fictional gay guys, and then act like you're a lgbt allies for doing so. It's such bullshit. I hope that show stays dead.

And my God, get another therapist. Show mercy to that poor fucker.

Anon, I genuinely feel sorry for you. I’m sorry you haven’t ever felt so deeply and passionately attached to something, and I’m sorry you’re so upset with things in your own personal life that you felt it necessary to come into some random person’s inbox and sling vitriol, in the off-chance that it made you feel the slightest bit better about yourself.

I don’t even normally give hate messages the time of day, because they’re only meant to be inflammatory and upsetting for the asker’s sick gain. But I felt it pertinent to respond, because I wanted you to know that I cackled at the inaccuracy, only to immediately pity you.

I won’t give you the satisfaction of arguing against all your points either. All I’ll say is *EXTREMELY LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER* and get well soon <3

Actually, no, I will say one thing; my boss at my full time job signed the petition and paid money for it to be boosted further on change.org 😘😘😘

[allyricas]

Moving On pt. 2

part one

3,180k words

The day of the trip to Indy finally arrives and the weather does not reflect the excitement Steve feels as he loads his last bag into the trunk of his car. He knows he overpacked but wants to be ready for anything. He also has a cooler full of drinks and sandwiches along with enough junk food to make anyone sick.

He and Robin had decided to make sure they had plenty of food so they could settle in to their hotel and chill the first night. Robin had an early campus tour and Steve had a meeting with an advisor at the community college he’d be taking his cosmetology courses. They had a packed schedule considering they needed to find an apartment and jobs (together if possible) and the urge to scope out the gay scene. Or find it, at the very least.  

Steve pulled into Robin’s driveway and saw that she’d also slightly overpacked. Two halves of the same soul, the two of them. He got out and helped her load up her bags. She was holding a thermos of something and wearing a pair of Steve’s sweatpants. That’s where those went. He’d been looking for them for a week. Robin had a tendency to steal his clothes which mostly just made Steve feel all loved and shit, so he only complained for appearance’s sake.  

“Rob, my fucking sweatpants. Come on, I’ve been looking for them.” He whined. He truly didn’t mean it all.  

“Shut up, they are my pants now. They look hotter on me.” She laughed, doing a pathetic little shimmy. She was not a morning person. The messy bed head and the large amount of coffee she was inhaling made this apparent. “I am so tired, but really fucking excited. I brought the music. You are banned for the entire drive up and back. I will fucking jump out of this car if you play any sad, pining music. This is fun time not sad boy time.”   

“That tape has Whitney and George Michael on it. It’s not a total sad fest.”  

“Liar. You cry the most whenever careless whisper comes on.” Robin replied viciously.  

“Let’s uh, not talk about that please.” Steve knew he was still whining a bit, but Robbie was mean in the morning.  

The drive up went smoothly despite the terrible weather. Fifteen minutes into the drive, it started to torrentially rain. Thunder shook the car and lightning lit up the sky. Robin did in fact have all upbeat music and refused to let Steve play anything remotely sad. This was good as he was feeling rather happy in the moment. At one point it rained so hard, Steve had to pull over and wait for it to slow down as Robin started hyperventilating. What should have been an hour and fifteen-minute drive took three hours, but time spent with his best friend was always good.  

Navigating the city was invigorating (for Steve) and anxiety inducing (for Robin), but they both could barely contain their excitement when they finally pulled up to the motel they're staying at. It’s a little mom and pop place that Joyce and Hop had recommended. Why those two have a favorite motel in the city, Steve doesn't want to think to much about.

It’s a cute place, white shutters and soft yellow paint with a rustic looking sign that says The Mosey Inn. The rooms were entered from the outside, with parking all around the place. There were plants everywhere and everything had a well-loved appeal. It’s a rather nice little place. He goes in to check them in and there is an older woman at the desk. She's one of those people who radiates kindness and Steve likes her right away.  

“Hello there, dear. Welcome to the Mosey Inn. I’m one-half of Mosey, but you can call me Elise.” She’s smiling softly at him as he walks up to the desk. 

“Hi, I have a reservation for Harrington. For a suite with two queens.” He finds he’s nervous which feels silly. He grew up checking into hotels and dealing with reservations. Usually, it was at swanky hotels that his parents would leave him in before he was old enough to be all alone at home.  

“Of course, sweetie. Joyce and that sweet Jimmy told me all about you the last time they visited for the weekend. I just adore them. Jimmy did some handy work for me and the missus last time they were here. We’re getting up there in age and my Maggie cannot be climbing ladders anymore. I always give them a discount and I like the look of you, dear. I’ll give you one too.”

She’s beaming at Steve like she is thrilled to meet him which is not something he’s exactly used to. He’s thinking over what she said. The missus, her Maggie. He looks around the room and spots a tiny pink triangle on a bookshelf. Oh. This was a safe place. He owed Hop and Joyce dinner because this was the nicest surprise he’d gotten in a long time. He'd definitely be calling Hopper by the nickname Jimmy though.

“Thank you so much, ma’am. I know my friend Robin and I are going to enjoy this trip even more now knowing this is a safe place for people like us.” That felt as close to telling a stranger he was gay he could manage, but it felt huge to say it. It meant something to find this little piece of community with two women who were old enough to be his grandmothers. He felt like he might cry and for once, there were happy tears brimming in his eyes.  

“Please, call me Elise. There’s no ma’am, none of that uppity nonsense. This place is for friends, you understand.” She told him in a voice so genuine that Steve choked back a sob. He handed over his credit card and she handed him two room keys. “We offer breakfast and lunch, usually buffet style unless we say otherwise. There’s a coffee station around the corner and there’s always some sort of snacks next to it. If you need anything just give us a ring. Feel free to come chat anytime. Enjoy your stay.” 

“I think I will, Elise. I’ll bring Robin around to meet you once we’re settled, probably for breakfast tomorrow!” 

_________________________________________

As soon as Steve got back into the car, he excitedly told Robin all about Elise and her partner and how the Inn was a safe place for them. The fact that Joyce and Hopper stayed here whenever they wanted a night or two away from the chaos of their little blended family filled Steve with joy. He knew that they weren’t hateful people, but this was outright acceptance by the adults he respected most in his life. Robin was rambling on about the décor of the inn as he lugged their many suitcases into their room. She just smiled at him as he struggled.

It was cozy with two queen beds and a little kitchenette and a sitting area off to the side. There was a good size bathroom and closet. It was decorated in soft hues of yellow and green with floral bedding. It was lovely and Steve felt immensely at home in this place.  

“This place is so cute!” Steve exclaimed happily, finally collapsing onto his bed. It was comfortable too. “Damn, this is going to be a nice trip. Elise said they offer 2 meals, that there’s a coffee station with snacks and this bed is fucking soft as hell.” 

“So basically, we can save a ton of money and try to eat here most of the time is what I'm hearing you say Steven?” This seemed to genuinely thrill Robin.  

“Absolutely, we can go visit with them tomorrow during breakfast. It’s from 6:30 to 8:30.” Steve knew this was going to cause some mild stress for Robin. This delighted him. 

“Ugh, ugh. For free breakfast and fellow lesbians, I will get up. You might have to drag me though.” 

Steve laughed, delighted at the prospect of waking Robin up in the morning. It was early evening, but they decided to munch on the leftover food from the drive in and relax. There was a small tv, so they found something to put on and got comfortable. The day so far had been nearly free of sad thoughts over Eddie, but it seemed inevitable that Steve would start to think about him. For one thing, Eddie would look ridiculous in the Mosey Inn, although he would thoroughly appreciate the pun. Yet, there was a part of Steve wishing that Eddie was a part of all of this.

Before he’d ruined everything, Eddie would have been invited on this trip without a second thought. If only he could go back and not fall in love with stupid Eddie Munson. Steve worries that falling for him would have been inevitable though. Everything about him made Steve crazy.

The moment he knew he was monumentally fucked was a few months after everything with Vecna went down. Eddie had still been in the hospital, thankfully cleared off all charges with Hopper back in charge. He’d been high off his ass on morphine and smiling at Steve. Eddie had looked at Steve and said, “Stevie, sweetheart—you beautiful man. How come you’re always sitting around here taking care of me huh?” and Steve had known several things.  

He wanted Eddie to smile at him like that for the rest of his life. He really enjoyed being called sweetheart. And the reason he was always hanging around was because he wanted to be with Eddie. Eddie who always lit up with joy when he saw Steve sitting by his hospital bed. All the time they spent walking that line between friends and more, or at least that’s what Steve thought.

He swore there was so much flirting back and forth. Like the time Steve snuck in cheeseburgers, fries and milkshakes from the one diner left open in town and Eddie had told Steve, “All this for little old me?” while literally twirling his hair like a schoolgirl. Or when Steve brought in books for him and Eddie had just clasped Steve’s hand tight and said nothing, just staring intently at him like Steve really meant something to him.  

All misread apparently. It wasn’t flirting at all, just Eddie being Eddie. And Steve had ruined it. He tried not to spiral into his bad thoughts too much but he felt like he always ruined everything. Robin might be his best friend, his platonic soulmate and other half, but it’d been so nice to have a close guy friend.

Eddie had barely been out of the hospital when Steve had driven him up to Indy to replace some of his things lost to the earthquakes. There were better record stores and better thrift stores, and Eddie had very little left to his name. The trailer was gone. He’d even lost his beloved guitar. Steve had never planned on telling Eddie how he felt during that trip, but Eddie has a way of needling things out of people. Something Steve usually finds quite adorable, but not so much when it’s his own unrequited feelings.  

Sighing to himself, Steve sits down by the phone to call Dustin and tell him they made it to the city safely. This means actually calling Mike’s house since the boys are having their weekly nerd fest. The whole group of them are all a little codependent, but after everything they’ve been through it seems reasonable. Unfortunately, Mike nor Nancy answers the phone. It’s Karen Wheeler and she lets Steve know that the boys are all over at Eddie’s apartment playing their little game. That’s exactly what she calls it which does make him chuckle.

He dreads calling Eddie’s place, but he did promise Dustin he’d call. Dustin is already asking questions about him and Eddie. If he’s weird on the phone it will only fan the flames of Dustin’s incessant need to meddle. He dials the number and tries to psyche himself up for the interaction. Maybe one of the kids will answer.  

“Munson Residence, Eddie the Banished speaking?” Eddie’s voice fills Steve’s ear. It’s like a punch to the gut, but Steve takes a deep breath.  

“Is that how you really answer the phone all time or am I just lucky?” Steve asks lightly. Do not make this weird. Be cool. “Or is it just because you’re playing dungeons and whatever?”  

“Ha, Ha. I knew it was you telepathically, so I of course had to answer the phone accordingly. My liege, what can I do for you on this fine summer evening?” 

“You’re lucky it’s cute to be such a fucking nerd.” Shit, shit, shit. Abort flirting. “Kidding, kidding. I called to see if Dustin is still there. I told him I’d call when we got settled.” 

“Rude, I am absolutely the cutest nerd. I’d dare say, adorable even. The fairest in the land, perhaps.” Eddie’s voice had gone low and Steve would bet a hundred bucks he was twirling his hair. What the fuck? “You know, you obviously like nerdy shit considering you-” 

“Hey stop flirting with Steve and let me talk to him, I've been waiting to hear from him all day. We’re in the middle of a campaign Steve. We need our DM not whatever the fuck he was just doing.” Dustin says this all like he knows for a fact that everything he says is true. It’s not.

“Tone, dusty bun. I’m not gay and I wasn’t flirting with Harrington, just messing with him. He’s just so easy to tease. We’re just buddies like that, right man?” Eddie replied, his voice no longer soft, low and sweet. In fact, Eddie sounded hostile. Steve felt his stomach turn. He couldn't even reply.  

“Nothing wrong with being gay, you moron.” Dustin replied firmly. This made Steve smile considering Dustin didn’t even know about Steve yet. He was definitely his favorite kid. Dustin continued on “I mean, we’ve fought literal monsters. Of all things to get worked up over, being gay is not even on the damn list!”   

“I didn’t mean it in a rude way, just saying we were not flirting.” 

“Whatever you say Eddie.” 

“Um, hello guys I am still on the phone.” Steve yelled as the two of them continued to bicker. “I have to go, but I’ll call in a few days Dustin. Bye Eddie.” Steve replied, trying his best not to cry. 

“Wait-Harrington. Steve, I didn’t mean anything by that okay.” 

“Yeah of course, no worries, man. Talk to you later.” Steve knew his voice was emotionless.  

_______________________________

He had to get over Eddie. This confusing back and forth was so painful. Steve didn’t consider himself the brightest, but that felt like flirting. What straight guy calls himself the fairest of the land or adorable to another man? Eddie’s tone of voice was the exact same tone Steve had used so many times to flirt with girls. He knew what flirting looked like. He shouldn’t have started it with the cute comment, but Eddie had most certainly flirted back. He looked over at Robin who was sitting up and waiting patiently for Steve to hang up the phone.  

She looked worried. If his face was at all reflecting how he felt right now, he understood why. The way Eddie has sounded when he said he wasn’t flirting. He told Robin the entire conversation verbatim and he watched her face go through a myriad of emotions. Despite the fact that Robin wasn’t the most tactile person, she threw her arms around him and let him cry all over her t-shirt.  

“Well, I could just kill him. I swear to fucking God. If he’s not gay, fine. But why flirt back?” 

“Maybe he really isn’t flirting. He said he was just messing with me. Maybe we’ve been reading it wrong this whole time!” Steve cried.  

“Fuck that, even Dustin called him on it. He flirts with you all the time. If he’s just messing with you at this point, it’s cruel. Especially now that he knows you’re gay and have feelings for him. I won’t be friends with a bigot.” 

“No, Robbie. I don’t think he’s a bigot. He’s just trying to deal with all this. It’s not his fault I had to go and fall for him. I always fall for the first person who shows me any attention. I ruined this. He’s just...I think he’s a flirty person and I’m just the idiot who thought it meant something.” 

“Shut your whore mouth Steven Elizabeth. That’s absolute nonsense. Eddie is a socially awkward, metalhead D&D playing virgin. You and I both know it. I’ve never seen him so much as look at a girl in a romantic way. He barely talks to anyone he doesn’t know unless it’s to cause a scene. That boy is not a natural flirty person. He flirts with you. He’s either an idiot, a repressed idiot or an asshole. Pick one.” 

“He’s not a virgin, no way. Look at him. Some people go for the whole alternative thing. He’s in a band for fuck’s sake. I bet he’s fucked lots of girls. I mean, he is objectively hot.” Steve argued.  

“Steve!! You always defend him like some sort of rabid groupie, but if that man has so much as seen a real-life titty, I will eat my shoe. He isn’t ugly, I will grant you that one. But please, Eddie Munson is not banging hot chicks on the regular.” 

“I pick that he’s an idiot. I do not think Eddie would purposefully hurt me by flirting just to be all ‘ha-ha, gay boy you fell for it’ when he didn’t even know I was gay until I told him how I felt. I think he just likes to tease me, like he said and he doesn’t know how flirty it comes off maybe?” 

“Dingus. You are in love with him. You are no objective source on the situation.” 

“Can we just... pretend Eddie Munson doesn’t exist for a few days. I won’t play my mixtape. I will try not to mope... let’s just find an apartment and visit your campus and apply for jobs everywhere we can find. It hurts too much to talk about right now.” 

Steve knows he’s lying to Robin. It’s impossible for him to pretend Eddie doesn’t exist. It’d be nice to try though. Instead of trying, he wonders what Eddie’s thinking about back in Hawkins. Is he feeling bad for how he spoke to Steve tonight? Is he also worrying over every little thing he said? Does Eddie even care that what he said felt like a slap to the face? The way he’d said Harrington, instead of Steve. The disgust in his voice when he’d said he wasn’t flirting. At least it was crystal clear that Eddie would never reciprocate his feelings. It feels nearly impossible, but Steve knows he has to let go of Eddie and move on. Two weeks in Indy with Robin should be the perfect way to start trying.   

@koyislosinghismind

@lifeisnotsobadonceyoustopcaring

@dilutedpondwater

@r0binscript

@wheatnoodle

@randomnessbecausewhynot

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - New & Old Tropes Galore

Entirely subjective yadda yadda. Organized sorta by favs in each category.

Sept 2023 Wk 4

Ongoing Series - Thai

I Feel You Linger in the Air (Fri grey) ep 7 of 12 - occasionally I forget that Yai is like 20 and this is his first love affaire. That poem bit gave me very Goethe vibes. Lots of doomed lesbians in this ep. Doomed love in general. Frankly? I was hoping for more oil less sad. Also, these two are making some v stupid mistakes. Also: MORE boys dancing.

Finally... who was it wanted a rain kiss? You got your rain kissing here, okay? No umbrellas to be had, apparently.

Dangerous Romance (Fri YT) ep 7 of 12 - I love them so much. They are so darn adorable. I like how forthright Kang is. Boy has no game and is such a dork but at least he's enthusiastic. I love the “my boyfriend smells good” trope that BL is into these days. I’m into it, too. The bff enemies drunken bathroom shenanigans was v funny. Also @heretherebedork your boys are couple dancing all over the damn place this week.

I guess we get the boyfriends ep next week?

Hidden Agenda (Sun YT) ep 12fin - The conflict really kind of wasn’t in this last ep. But I guess it was a fine, if not a particularly strong, ending. I wish we’d had the family conflict threaded throughout the series. It would have felt like a deeper more honest drama and the actors could have handled it. They’re ready. How pretty were Joong’s single picturesque crystal tears? Honestly, it's been lovely, boys. Not at all memorable, but lovely.

Quick pitch Hidden Agenda: 

A relatively simple and harmless old-fashioned style university Thai BL, that started out Cyrano de Bergerac style but then drifted away into forgetfulness. It felt like it could have fit into the En of Love universe, except that it was high quality GMMTV with very pretty makeup. I enjoyed it for what it was, it's just that wasn’t much. 8/10 RECOMMENDED

Naughty Babe (Sat YT) ep 5 of 8 - Am I mostly watching this for Est and annoyed he doesn’t have a pair? Yes. (Am I writing a whole revenge plot in my head: "seduced to the good side by my enemy's hot bodyguard" with him and the Tem character? Yes. Yes I am. But that’s way too KinnPorsche for this show.) That said, MaxNat really are a great pair. Nice that Dio is figuring out how evil his own family is. Weirdly, I kind of like this speculation that if gay marriage were legal rich families would use it for arranged-marriage power plays. Can you imagine what China would do with this concept if they had access to it? 

Love in Translation (Sat iQIYI) ep 7 of 8 - The morning after was sweet, I do like it when we get these scenes in BL. FYI no one misgendered Bojji except the caption writer. The screaming "discovery" scene was adorable. And I am very much falling in love with all of the side characters. I also love how aggressive Yang is, like he stepped out of a 2016 Chinese BL into Thailand. And I adore the main brother relationship.

I have to say, this is going to be a difficult BL for me to review. I didn’t like the first 4 episodes but it seems like I’m going to love the final 3. I’m actually really looking forward to the finale next week. Boy, do I feel strange about this. In other news, is it just me or is it weird to get a gay kiss from Ngern almost 10 years later? How late is too late for smooching a boy? 

Never too late...

Absolute Zero (Thai Weds iQIYI) - from 2021, Studio Wabi Sabi and New Siwaj finally brings us this “time loop to prevent tragedy” romance based on the novel of the same name. I think we can expect this to be sad (so it will likely slide down my list as I become more confident about this). Mix is a great actor, so I’m not worried about that aspect, but I am warning you this won’t be your classic fluffy Thai BL. It’s a bit slow moving for me so far. Meanwhile, a revelation:

Thai high school BL is all about the hands. I blame Love Sick.

FYI the outdoor movie they watch is Love of Siam Thailand’s first real queer movie, also featured in My Only 12%.

I'm in trouble, Ongsa is such a sunshine cutie and Sansoon is so lost and sad. Pretty sure I won’t have the patience for 12 episodes of this, but I’ll stick with it for now because a pair like this is yaoi-induced catnip for me.

Only Friends (Sat YT) ep 8 of 10 - Ah, Ray, baby, you can’t get what you want if you want the wrong thing. Also, corruption charges much? Is Ray turning into Ton or is that just me? I still hold that Jenny’s is the only story I actually wanted. Although, I did enjoy the two bi boys bonding over Freddie. GMMTV sure is making good use of Title now that they got him away from Wabi Sabi and I’m NOT mad about it (4 shows & counting). Under ordinary circumstances, I probably would have dropped this show by now. But something keeps dragging me back.

My Universe (Sun iQIYI) Right Time Right You ep 6 - This couplet ended up feeling like an amateurish short. It was interesting in that way shorts can sometimes push into unusual territory, but very slow. My favorite so far, but that’s not saying much since we've only had 3. Kinda amorphous ending. 5/10 watch it if you have nothing better to do. Next week's looks pretty but silly: You Are My Soulmate.

Venus in the Sky (Tues iQIYI) 5 of 10 eps - I don’t understand the bit with the girl, car & eyebrows. Was that all just ad copy? This show is so bad I’m mostly fast forwarding now. I mean the leads are cute and earnest but that’s it. NO SINGING! And... nothing happened this ep. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Kisseki: Dear to Me (Taiwan Tues Viki & iQIYI) ep 7-8 of 13(?) - Buckle up I got A LOT to say. Ep 7 was the boyfriends ep! Look there’s a a lot of problematic going on here by western standards: age gap (FYI age of consent in Taiwan is 16) + teacher+student, but if you’ve been reading this blog for a while you should know that Taiwan likes both high heat and taboo content (and so do I) plus (unlike Mame) they just lean lube into those kinks. And I, for one, am delighted. I talk about taboo in terms of age gap here and stepbrothers here. I’ve never done teacher/ student because we don’t get it often enough (insert sad face). These are not things that I’m going to complain about or rehash, so, moving on...

I found a lot to love about ep 7: tie grabs, smiley kisses, communication, being held down, younger aggressor, AND preliminary research= all good things. They even brought in morning aftercare, and shared trauma! I love a show that’s both unexpected yet entirely classic Taiwanese BL. I love that the family appeared as a plot device and then disappeared again. It’s all highly amusing.

Gaga dropped ep 8 a week early, I’m assuming this was a mistake since they skip next week. But hey! 

Ep 8: def uhaul lesbians. Also cute queer fam moment. Ring finger biting = v hawt. Then of course it all goes south. Tres romantic means of taking the rap, gotta say. No one does gay sappy quite like Taiwan. Also, now we know why he loses his memory and Ai Di has to go in after him. Honestly, I’m not pleased to see yet another amnesia trope raise its ugly… head (why so many this year?). But it seems to be this year's trend. 

And I know there is more trauma coming, but in classic Taiwan fashion it’s all gonna be fine in the end even if that HEA is chaotic and entirely unearned. Don't worry, all. We good.

You Are Mine (Taiwan Fri Gaga) eps 4 of 10 - Oh noes, sunshine has a cold. And not from the rain... just, like, a normal cold. Amazing. But then when baby gets kidnapped, daddy gets v mad. Honestly, I am charmed by the show. It is very old-fashioned "domineering CEO puts little lady up against the wall" and it’s Taiwan, and thus I am not mad about it. This is what we would be getting from Mainland China if China we’re still making pulp BL. I am disposed to simply enjoy the utter "80s bodice ripper but gay"-ness of it all.

Bon Appetit (Korea Weds iQIYI) 1-2 of 8 - from 2022. If you have premium icky VIP you can binge it all now. I don’t, so instead I’m watching it 2 new episodes every Weds. Struggling heartbroken loser-ish office worker who lives off junk food + sunshine neighbor who loves to cook (from his past with a long-held crush). Also there is a "love class" element. Why does Korea like this conceit so much? Do their universities really engage in socialization training? Gotta say I’m getting whiffs of stalker... but only whiffs. Basically, this show is going poster child “way to a man’s heart is through his stomach“. Bit too much flashback, but I like that our chef is open about liking a boy, and I like that they remember things differently and in alignment with their own egos. And I like that we got a confession already. Ah KBL, it is nice to watch something that MUST move plot quickly. 

My Personal Weatherman AKA Taikan Yoho (Japan Sat Gaga) ep 6 of 8 - Jealous weatherman is ridiculous. Japan = queen of “why don’t you guys just talk?” 

Mr Cinderella 2 (Vietnam Sat YT) ep 2 - Ba Vinh & Minh Thao reprising their roles as Dung & Khoa what do we think? 8 eps? 10? We got the stepbrothers (or whatever they are) backstory. Also My Prettiest Cat-boy does certifiable nutcake v well. Psychopath looks hot on him.  

It's Airing But...

Crazy Handsome Rich (Sun Gaga) ep 3 of 10 - The sound. No. DNF 

I Cannot Reach You AKA I Can't Reach You AKA Kimi ni wa Todokanai (Japan Tues Netflix-Japan & ????) - Adapted from the manga, childhood best friends: The cool, smart one who’s good at everything, and his average, dorky friend who struggles. Always by the other’s side, but not together in the way they truly want to be.

Unfortunately I Cannot Reach You, in classic JBL fashion, could not be reached. 

In case you missed it?

Viki dropped Our Dating Sim the movie. I didn’t notice any extra footage and they took out all the in game/high school flashback stingers. At first, I didn’t really miss them but by the end of the movie I really did. So this is going to be one of those rare KBL instances where I recommend sticking to the original series over the repackaged movie.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming October BL

10/1 Can I Buy Your Love From A Vending Machine? AKA Sono Koi, Jihanki de Kaemasu ka? (Japan cinema release in-country only) - This one is a movie from Japan so in customary fashion who tf knows when (or if) it will get international distribution. Salaryman Ayumu Koiwai just can't tear his eyes away from the strong, muscular man as he checks on the stocks of the vending machine in his office.

10/5 If It’s With You AKA Even If I Fall In Love With You AKA Kimi to nara Koi wo Shite Mite mo’ (Japan Gaga) - from MBS a live action adaptation of Kubota Maru’s manga ‘君となら恋をしてみても. Amane has stopped loving people due to trauma until he meets Ryuji. At first Amane just wants to play with Ryuji but… feelings. I am assuming 8 eps and rumored to be taking Weatherman's spot so that date is likely wrong.

10/6 What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) - 4th installment in this series (1st series, 1 special, 1 movie prior) about a lawyer who lives with his boyfriend, a hairdresser, and cooks for him. Season 2 will follow the couple as they enter their 50’s. Slice-of-life drama adapted from a beloved manga series of the same name.

10/6 My Beautiful Man: Eternal AKA Utsukushii Kare Eternal (Japan movie Viki & Gaga) - This is the 3rd and final installment the series. The 2nd season didn’t blow me away the way the 1st did, but I still liked it. I'm looking forward to the finale. I hope we get character growth for a change.

10/31 SHADOW (Thai VIU ????) - this is a horror BL featuring ghosts and other paranormal elements in a high school setting. I'm not wild about Thai horror (or horror at all, but if it must be done in BL let Japan do it). It features Singto (who did paranormal BL He's Coming to Me) opposite Fluke N (who's done a couple horror's before). Also Fiat. Dan suffers from sleep paralysis, and in his dreams he sees a shadow that suffocates him. It gets worse when he transfers schools.

October? Bump Up Project AKA Bump Up Business (Korea ????) - BL staring OnlyOneOf that released(??) as a movie in July but is now being recut and reissued as a series. Stars NineMill and from Idol Romance bulled as a love story between a trainee who is about to debut and a celebrity from the same agency (based on a webtoon). OnlyOneOf have been auditioning for this since Libido IMHO. You can watch me chronicle their BL MV work in this post. Idol Romance will do sad but can do good kisses (Wish You, Nobleman Ryu, Once Again, Kissable Lips, Poongduck 304, Tasty Florida, Tinted With You) but I don't think we will get any in this. After that OmegaX Shoulder bullshizz buisness I am very wary of this show.

2023 forthcoming BL master post (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED).

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

There was a ton of truly great stuff in this week's Kiseki, but this was hands down my favorite. (Pun intended.)

Oh and the neck kisses of course.

I LOVE HIM your honor.

GMMTV's ongoing love affair with the scent trope.

Calling out out new couple's dance trope. (Both Dangerous Romance)

(Last week) 

[morningberriesao3]

MWMD - Wake Me Up

Steve Harrington X Virgin!Eddie Munson

Summary: Eddie's too sore to bathe himself. Good thing Steve has decided to be his caregiver.

Word Count: 2.8K

Chapter: 1 of 6 CHAPTER LIST

Content Warnings: Explicit m/m sexual content including… Virgin Eddie Munson, Dry Humping, Coming Untouched, Coming in Pants, Minor Crossdressing (ahem, EDDIE WEARS A G-STRING), Oh no they’re both tops?! what will they do!!?!, Top Steve Harrington, Power Bottom Eddie Munson, Blow Jobs, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Nipple Clamps, Under-Negotiated Kink, Unsafe Sex, Creampie. Underage Drinking and Recreational Drug Use.

Tags: Eddie Munson lives, 5 + 1 Things, slow burn, POV Eddie Munson, Gay Eddie Munson, Bisexual Steve Harrington, Slow Burn, Sexual Tension, Caretaking, Massages, Sharing a Bed, House Party, Play Flighting, Bros Being Bros (JK it’s very homoerotic), Halloween, Boys in Makeup, Independence Day, New Years Eve, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending

Many Ways, Many Days, to Say ‘I Love You’

March 31st, 1986

Eddie wakes up in the hospital. He hurts everywhere. His legs, his abdomen, his neck, his lungs. An ache so deep that when he first regains consciousness his first instinct is to moan in pain. Let a tear escape his eye, and another one, and another one.

His second instinct is to run.

Eddie’s eyes fly open and his pained moans turn into gasps of fear.

What happened to me?

Where am I?

Am I still there – in Hell?

But as his frantic eyes whip around the room – the white, clean room – he realizes that he’s not in that rancid place anymore. He’s no longer in the place that tried to kill him.

At least, not the one filled with real-life monsters.

This one is filled with people like Jason Carver and his cronies – ones wielded with metaphorical pitchforks and torches – ready to set his home ablaze and send Eddie to the other Hell – permanently.

Jokes on them because Eddie isn’t a satanist. He isn’t an anything. When he dies, it’s the cold, hard ground waiting for him. And that thought is almost as terrifying as eternal fire.

He’s not safe anywhere. And that makes him cry out once more.

“It’s okay. It’s okay, man. Hey – calm down.”

The voice comes from beside him. A voice he recognizes at Steve Harrington. The man he’s had a crush on since junior year. The man who’d barely spoken a word to him until recently and – somehow – has become someone Eddie considers a friend.

Fighting interdimensional monsters together has a way of bonding people, he supposes.

“Steve?” he asks, even though he knows, yes, Steve.

“Good morning,” Steve says, and Eddie turns himself towards his voice. Steve is sitting beside him on a beige plastic chair with thin metal legs. Despite his puffy, dark under-eyes and unkempt hair, he’s smiling. He’s handsome.

Eddie doubts Steve could ever not be handsome.

“What are you doing here?” Eddie asks, because it doesn’t make any sense to him. Waking up in a hospital and Steve Harrington being the first person he sees by his side? No way, man. Friends or not, Steve Harrington has better things to do. More important people to tend to. Eddie might be, like, twelfth on the list of important people to tend to, if he’s lucky.

Steve says, “I haven’t left your side since you got here, man,” like that’s the most normal sentence to ever leave his mouth. Tacks on, “I’m so glad you’re awake. I was worried sick,” for good measure.

“What the fuck?” Eddie huffs. Because what the fuck? What the fuck for so many reasons. He can’t wrap his head around any one of them. He doesn’t even try to.

“Dustin is gonna be so fucking happy, dude,” Steve gushes like they’re old pals. He squeezes Eddie’s hand, and that’s when Eddie notices that Harrington is holding his hand. One that is bound by handcuffs to the bedpost. Two more what the fucks to add to the pile.

Honestly, the handcuffs make more sense than the hand holding. He is still a wanted man, after all.

He and Steve talk for at least an hour that day. The next they talk for two. The next – Steve stays with Eddie from lunch until dinner. And so on and so forth until Steve makes a home at the hospital. Until he has as many things stored there as Eddie does – pyjamas and a toothbrush and Farrah Fawcett hairspray. The only time he leaves is for his shifts at Family Video and to sleep. Sometimes even then he slumps over in that plastic chair and nods off for a few hours before heading home to finish his rest in his own bed.

Five days after Eddie wakes up, a middle-aged man in a white coat walks in with two police officers. One of them is Jim Hopper – who as far as Eddie knows ‘died in a mall fire’ (was killed by evil Russians in a military base below that very mall), but here he is, living and breathing and removing the cuffs that bind Eddie to the bed.

“You’re a free man,” says the man in the white coat – Owens, he introduces himself as. “Jason Carver, who tragically died in the earthquake – was found guilty of the murders of Chrissy Cunningham, Patrick McKinney, and Fred Benson, and the attempted murder of Maxine Mayfield. There were several witnesses who contest to it, including Mayfield herself.”

Eddie cries tears of relief. He won’t be heading to prison when he’s healed. His name is cleared. He’s regular old Eddie ‘The Freak’ Munson and can live his life in torment in his shitty, homey trailer.

Steve spends the day with Eddie, as always, while Owens makes him sign a stack of papers thicker than his dick is long. Which is, like, above average, but not ginormous. Steve tells Eddie about Hopper – how he’d been in a Russian prison all this time. That El – the little girl with the superpowers – has her dad back. Eddie can’t help but feel happiness even though he was never fond of Jim Hopper (after being escorted home one too many times in his cruiser) and even though he doesn’t personally know El.

It all relates back to that damn Upside Down bond.

Eddie leaves the hospital not even two weeks later.

He gets discharged early because he insists (begs) that he can take care of himself. But his sides burn when he stands, they ache in places so deep that Eddie thinks he might be missing the muscles that feel like they’re on fire. Still Steve drives him back to his trailer. Helps him slide himself onto his shitty mattress. Makes him a can of tomato soup and toasts him some bread and butter.

Eddie should have stayed at the hospital longer, he thinks, but he couldn’t fork the hospital bill.

That changes when Owens covers it and cuts Eddie a large cheque telling him to keep his fucking mouth shut. Not in so many words, but that was the gist.

Eddie gives half of it to Wayne, who asks a million and one questions about where all that money came from. Of course he can’t tell him the truth, so he blurts some bullshit lie about defamation of his name blah blah blah Jason Carver was rich so Eddie got paid by his family as a sorry for dragging him through Hell. It doesn’t seem like a great lie to Eddie, but Wayne nods his head and grumbles something akin to “whatever you say”. Wayne takes the money and puts it in a bank account. He goes back to work even though now he could afford to take a day or two off. Or a year or two. Or even retire.

Eddie also hoards his half. He knows what he’s going to spend his money on, and none of it belongs in Hawkins, Indiana.

He just needs to heal, and he’ll be out of there faster than a bat out of Hell. Or an Eddie out of the Upside Down.

When Eddie tells Steve that Wayne is back to working his nightshifts, it takes him about five seconds to make himself comfortable in Eddie’s trailer as his new roommate.

“No way are you gonna be alone, man,” Steve says, shucking off his shoes and opening the cupboard that he now knows contains the coffee. “What if your stitches pop? What if you fall? You need somebody around, Munson, and it’s going to be me.”

“Fuck off, Steve.” Eddie rolls his eyes. Mostly to hide how red his face is going from the thought of Steve Harrington staying in his home, using his shower, sleeping… where exactly? “I’m not some damsel in distress.”

But Eddie knows it’s a lost cause arguing because Steve is already hands on hips, eyebrows raised, shaking his head like a chastising mother.

“No? How long had it been since you last showered, dude?” Steve asks, trailing his eyes over Eddie’s body like he already knows his answer.

It’s not that Eddie hasn’t gotten under a stream of water, but he can’t move his arms enough to actually clean himself or wash his hair. He didn’t think it was that bad, but obviously he was wrong.

“I’m not sure I’m loving your tone, Harrington.” He pretends not to be as embarrassed as he feels. Out of anyone in the world to point out that he looks dirty, why does it have to be Steve?

“C’mon, man.” Steve grabs Eddie’s arm as gently as he can muster. He starts dragging him towards the bathroom in the trailer. The one that’s so small that barely one person can maneuver within its walls, let alone two.

“You trying to get me naked, Steve?” Eddie asks, heart in throat because he has a creeping suspicion that Steve is actually about to get him naked. He suddenly wishes it hasn’t been months since he last trimmed his pubes, because it’s already been a week since his last proper washing at the hospital. No, it couldn’t just be one or the other.

What a dumpster fire.

“You bet your ass,” says Steve, closing the door to the bathroom behind him even though it’s just him and Eddie inside the trailer. Out of habit, Eddie guesses. “You gonna strip for me, or do you want me to undress you?”

Eddie’s dick chubs up in his sweats.

The bad news is, he doesn’t have time to get it under control before Steve is stepping towards him to peel off his Iron Maiden t-shirt. In fact, it adds fuel to the fire, and Eddie’s dick is now almost at full attention.

There is no good news.

“Woah, woah, woah.” Eddie’s voice breaks through his protests and he barks out a nervous laugh. His hands fly down to cover his crotch because, fuck. How embarrassing. He doesn’t know if it’s worse that Steve got him hard or that he did it by one half-flirted sentence and barely touching the hem of his shirt.

Or maybe the worst part is that he just drew attention to his boner and Steve is looking down to his hands that can’t quite reach to cover it all.

“Calm down, dude,” Steve says nonchalantly. But even through his casual words, Eddie notices his cheeks flushing with his own embarrassment. And that makes Eddie wish he literally died in the Upside Down instead of having to be here, in this moment. “It’s, uh, all cool, right? It’s natural –”

“Jesus fuck,” Eddie cries. He covers his face with his hands, because at least he can pretend that hides all of him. “Please tell me you did not just say that.”

“I mean, I popped a boner one time when Mrs. Turner made me answer a question at the front of the class.”

“That’s literally nothing like this,” Eddie protests.

“That was in front of a teacher and the whole class, dude! How is this worse?”

“Because I’m not contained inside a pair of painted-on Levi’s, Harrington.”

“I won’t look,” Steve promises. It doesn’t make Eddie feel any better about his predicament, but all of the arguing has already made him start deflating.

Eddie focuses on his embarrassment, and the pain pulling at his stitches, and his sharp intake of breath as Steve helps him out of his shirt. He tells Steve he can get his own pants, and he only struggles a little to pull them over his hips and off of his ankles. Steve keeps his back turned as Eddie steps into the hot water.

He kind of wishes it was cold.

His dick is mostly soft when he tells Steve it’s okay to turn around. But still, he faces the shower wall. Steve doesn’t say anything before pressing the pads of his fingers into Eddie’s hair. The suds from the shampoo gathers around Eddie’s shoulders and fall to the floor of the tub.

He moans at the feeling (it’s so much fucking better than those stupid sponge baths at the hospital, okay?), and Steve’s fingers still for a second before starting up again.

For a while, Eddie thinks he’s going to make it through the whole shower experience without getting hard again. But of course when he turns around for the first time to face Steve, sees how his shirt is soaked from the water running down his arms, as Steve lathers a washcloth and starts rubbing down the unscarred portion Eddie’s chest, it happens again.

His traitorous cock fills and fills as Steve washes him.

“Sorry,” Eddie mumbles, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Eddie,” Steve says. “Seriously. It’s fine, dude.”

Still, Eddie feels he needs to justify himself.

“It’s just ‘cause it’s been so long since I’ve – you know.” Now that he thinks of it, he isn’t sure continuing down this path of conversation is a great idea. In fact, it’s not making the situation better at all, but it’s too late now. So he keeps babbling. “I mean, try going for this long without being able to touch your dick, man –”

“Eddie, I get it.”

“It’s like I’m constantly edging myself –”

“Eddie.”

“And a pair of warm hands all over my body is noooottt helping the situation –”

Steve fumbles with the bar of soap, dropping it on the floor of the small tub. Out of reflex, he bends forward to try to grab it as it skates around the slopes of porcelain beneath Eddie’s feet. Which brings his head dangerously close to Eddie’s crotch. So close, in fact, that he can feel the stands of Steve’s hair tickle his erection.

“Ah – fuck,” he says before he’s able to stop himself, because even if it hasn’t been weeks since he’s been able to get himself off, he’d never be able to stop himself from having a reaction to Steve touching him there. Even if it was purely by accident. Even if it was feather light.

“Sorry! Sorry, dude,” Steve pulls away, leaves the soap on the shower floor. He holds his hands in front of him like he’s saying, ‘I won’t touch you again,’ and, well, since Eddie’s already in such a demeaning situation and there’s no going back, he just can’t have that. Might as well prolong Steve’s fingers on him for as long as possible, right?

“Don’t – just –” he sighs. “Can we start over and pretend this isn’t as awkward as I’ve just made it, Harrington?”

Steve nods.

“Good. Good.” Eddie grins, pretending he’s a lot more comfortable with the situation than he really is. “Now suds me up, big boy.”

Steve continues to clean him. A lot more thoroughly than Eddie expects, swiping over his skin with sure movements and a confidence that Eddie has always lacked when it came to touching someone else. Not that he's done much of that.

Steve's fingers are deft. Warm. Smooth, unlike Eddie's own from years of playing guitar. They tease over his skin, tickling. And if they happen to graze his crotch once or twice, Eddie isn't going to be the one to say anything about it, and obviously Steve isn't, either.

Eventually the shower ends, Steve's hands leave Eddie's body, which he's really thankful for. Because he was nearing the point of no return for a while there. It's Hell - literal agony - to not be able to touch himself once he's shrouded in the darkness and comfort of his own room, a sleeping Steve only feet away on the living room couch. Despite the pain shooting in his abs, his arms, even his neck, he tries.

He tries, and he tries again until he gives up altogether, moaning a sound of discouragement to himself, bringing his hands up to his face to rub it. But even that hurts too much, so he lets them go limp next to his over-eager body.

It wouldn't have been all that bad to endure just the once, but it becomes somewhat of a routine. Steve insisting he bathe Eddie. Eddie allowing it, his body reacting to Steve's hands, wet and soapy, his face, serious and handsome and covered in stubble that he shaves in the evenings rather than the mornings. He always gets excited, and eventually he stops apologizing. Steve starts to expect it.

They continue like that for the following weeks - fueling Eddie with enough spank-bank material to last at least a year - as he slowly but surely, starts to heal.

NEXT CHAPTER

MASTERLIST

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[waitmyturtles]

Turtles Catches Up With Old GMMTV: He’s Coming To Me Edition

[What’s going on here? After joining Tumblr and discovering Thai BLs through KinnPorsche in 2022, I began watching GMMTV’s new offerings -- and realized that I had a lot of history to catch up on, to appreciate the more recent works that I was delving into. From tropes to BL frameworks, what we’re watching now hails from somewhere, and I’m learning about Thai BL's history through what I’m calling the Old GMMTV Challenge (OGMMTVC). Starting with recommendations from @absolutebl on their post regarding how GMMTV is correcting for its mistakes with its shows today, I’ve made an expansive list to get me through a condensed history of essential/classic/significant Thai BLs produced by GMMTV and many other BL studios. My watchlist, pasted below, lists what I’ve watched and what’s upcoming, along with the reviews I’ve written so far. Today, I’ll cover He’s Coming To Me, how this show centers Thai-Chinese/Asian culture, shipper culture, and the brilliance of Ohm Pawat and Singto Prachaya. THIS IS A LONG POST.]

I’m gonna have to hold myself down for this one. He’s Coming To Me. This kind of show. HCTM is ABSOLUTELY the reason why I created this project watchlist in the first place -- to watch this kind of show. This show cements my utter respect and passion for the work of Aof Noppharnach. This guy’s work needs to be taught in schools. 

I’m like -- after days of finishing HCTM, and furiously and hungrily rewatching episodes, I am still shaking my damn head at this show. I knew it was great, but y’all didn’t prepare me for ITS GREATNESS. (And to be watching it the same week as Our Skyy 2 x Bad Buddy x A Tale of Thousand Stars -- it’s been an Aof-themed moment, and I’m a touch overwhelmed by EVERYTHING I’ve absorbed.)

I am actually contemplating -- I’m seriously contemplating this! -- if I like this show better than either Bad Buddy or Moonlight Chicken. I know, I KNOW. I’m not talking about the story, the structure, the filming, the writing and direction. I’m literally just talking about my own damn preferences. I might just LIKE this show better, for what it held, what it told, and how the show showed so much respect for its story.

And there’s a lot I want to touch on in this piece, so as usual, a little list for myself:

1) Where this show came from vis à vis the watchlist, and what I think it meant by way of previous BLs 2) The Asianness of the show and how it transcended the usual BL tropes 3) A celebration of Aof’s favorite themes, and how cool it was to see them being born in HCTM (including the theme of young/first love that I haven’t seen before in his work) 4) A hopefully brief and not angry reflection on shipper culture, homophobia, Ohm, Singto, and how that affected HCTM in the annals of Thai BL

Without having seen his My Dear Loser work, or his screenwriting for Gay OK Bangkok 1 and 2 (which I plan to watch after the OGMMTVC is over, in preparation for Only Friends): HCTM is the first full Aof vehicle to enter my watchlist. So just quickly looking behind me: I’ve had shows like Love Sick, SOTUS, Together With Me, Love By Chance -- shows that began to toe the line, then define the line, then sharpen the line of what BL was. As I wrote in my Love By Chance review last week, I felt that LBC was the first show on my watchlist that felt like a true derivative BL, complete with tropes that had been born during Love Sick and SOTUS, and sharpened over those first few years of the Thai BL industry growing.

So it’s 2019 now, and we get He’s Coming To Me, both written and directed by P’Aof. Tropes? No tropes. What a flip from LBC.

Instead, we get an absolute head-first dive into many of the themes that we see Aof continued to play with in his later works. For me, HCTM evoked Moonlight Chicken the most, especially for what I call the Asianness of this show -- Aof’s unabashed focus on Asian cultural themes and threads that create structure and movement for his characters.

Before I get ahead of myself, I want to thank @telomeke very deeply for chatting with me about how I could learn more about Thai-Chinese culture, because themes and behaviors related to Thai-Chinese demographics are clearly common in Thai BLs, and I’ve felt that it behooved me to learn more about the culture (or as much as I can from the internet) as I continue to review these shows. But @telomeke reminded me that a lot of the assimilation of Chinese cultures and populations mirror the cultural mixing that took and takes place in Malaysia, where a part of my family hails and where I’ve spent a good portion of my life. So I’m relieved that I actually understand more about Thai-Chinese culture than I gave myself credit for, BUT -- that’s only a caveat, because I still have so much more to learn.

I say this because I’m using this word, “Asianness,” to describe in part at least one impression I have about HCTM, which is taking seriously the theme of ghosts and what role ghosts play in a human’s life. We see very often in Japanese doramas the practice of praying at an altar honoring past ancestors -- ancestor culture and worship are big in Japan, and the doramas don’t shy away from that. We see temple trips all the time in doramas and BL doramas -- especially during New Year’s. (Our Dining Table being just the most recent one.) We see Buddhist temple culture in Thai BLs often -- in KinnPorsche, in Bed Friend, in Big Dragon, and very especially in Moonlight Chicken.

I think what I want to point out here, if I can say it eloquently, is that a Western viewer might find more notable in an Asian drama, than in a Western show, the inclusion of practices of spirituality. In the West, spirituality might be indicated by a trip to a church, or prayer. But it strikes me -- and maybe this is because I’m a first-generation Asian-American, my eyes open to ALL the differences between my culture and America -- that Asian dramas incorporate the practices of spirituality more seamlessly, because practices like lighting an incense stick and giving a quick prayer before breakfast is more culturally embedded in places like Japan or Thailand. The practice is there, and you just do it, because that’s what you do for your culture. (I often see a stick of incense lit and burning next to a plate of fruits in the early mornings when I jog past Thai restaurants. It’s just -- what you do.)

It struck me, and I still wonder about it, if Western viewers may have thought that Thun was going overboard with his interest in Thai-Chinese Buddhist practices, including being so diligent about offering alms to the passing monks, going to the temple for merits, and keeping electric incense sticks on him to make sure that Med wouldn’t disappear. An auntie on Whatsapp might cock a curious eyebrow, but also regard Thun as a “good boy” who’s devoted to the temple.

In any case, this struck me particularly deeply, because I think, if P’Aof had been a little more abashed, that he could have toned this theme down -- the theme of the everyday practice of Buddhism.

And he didn’t. He didn’t tone it down. He leveraged it as THE major theme of the drama: that ghosts exist in Thai-Chinese-Buddhist culture and practice, and that some people can communicate with ghosts, including both Thun and his mom. 

The ABSOLUTELY wonderful @telomeke​ affirmed this for me, writing so eloquently: “Underlying HCTM is an unshakeable belief in the spirit world, and it's also a given ... for a majority of people in SE Asia and Thailand in particular that the spiritual realm is as much a part of the everyday world as much as the physical reality of what we can see and touch.”

The reason why I’m hammering on this in particular is because it categorizes the show as one that is utterly representative of A SPECIFIC CULTURE -- just like Moonlight Chicken, with its commentaries on spiritual and economic practices of the particular place of Pattaya. @telomeke​, I know you have specific feelings about the ending of HCTM, which I’ll get to in a moment, but I think for me, the ending of HCTM is deeply satisfying BECAUSE of this connection to Thai-Buddhist culture, what it says about ghosts and spirits, and how they continue to be incorporated in the ongoing life of a young Thai adult like Thun. AND, I appreciated that the ending skirted, just slightly, what we might have expected about someone losing their lover (à la Eternal Yesterday). Thun only temporarily lost Med... but Med still doesn’t quite exist. And I think there’s layers there that I’ll hopefully get to teasing out, either here or in a future post.

Going back to BL tropes and structures... I mean, HCTM was just like, yo, I’m gonna play in another ball field. I’ll have more thoughts on this after I watch Dark Blue Kiss, but at least, as far as I’m aware WITHOUT having seen DBK yet, that it’s not until late 2021 that P’Aof begins playing in the BL sandbox, takes his toy dump truck, and turns the tropes upside down in Bad Buddy.

And I see, in HCTM, P’Aof laying the groundwork for the themes that he DOES love, that I happen to love, and that get repeated in his oeuvre:

- The theme of community: the need for young and old queer individuals to interact with other queer individuals (most recently depicted in OS2/BBS/ATOTS) - The theme of NOSTALGIA: Med having never left his moment 20 years prior, listening to the same music of Thun’s mom’s generation (nostalgia being most recently depicted in Moonlight Chicken) - The parable of 1,000 stars: what it means to be the last star on which to make a wish (most recently depicted in ATOTS and OS2/ATOTS) - The anguish of coming out: Thun, Uncle Jim, Li Ming, Pran coming out to Dissaya -- all heavy, all impactful, all different stories that carry heaviness and their own meaning to each of these incredible characters

And there’s so many more. But what I really want to do, to get up on the rooftops that P’Aof loves so much, and YELL TO THE AIR is:

THE GENIUS, THE SHEER GENIUS, of linking these themes -- many of these as ASIAN themes! -- to specific issues that face the queer community, such as coming out, and being invisible (like a ghost) in a majority cishet society. 

GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH. Oh, the pain in my heart. This is exactly what I wrote in my notes while rewatching the show: “This is the first time we get Big Cultural Themes outside of issues with the queer community -- and Aof LINKS the Big Cultural Themes WITH queer issues -- the brilliance of it all.” Just like he did subsequently in Moonlight Chicken.

What was so beautiful to me about He’s Coming To Me -- and how it was channeled with GENIUS TALENT AND GRACE from Ohm and Singto -- is that, unlike Moonlight Chicken, this was the story of one young man who needed to sort out his feelings. And there was another young man, a young man who was killed, who HAD begun realizing his feelings, but was trapped by station (from a rich family) and role (the only son in a family). Med even said, it would have been impossible for him to come out as the only son of his family.

As far as we knew, Med had only come out to Kwan, Thun’s mom, before he died. Med may have very well been attracted to other men before he died -- but we see him VISCERALLY attracted to Thun, and vice versa, and that burst of first love for both young men, IN THE CONTEXT OF Thun’s spiritual practice and abilities to BRING Med to “life” in Thun’s life -- I mean. I’m shaking my head. It’s a parable for manifesting what you want in your life, and making it happen. 

And yet, what HCTM also touches on, is that many times, you DON’T get what you want in life. Med WILL disappear one day. He will be reborn. It wasn’t his time at the moment of the ending, but it will be his time one day. Thun only has Med temporarily -- we don’t see the WHEN of that. 

BUT. I would posit (and @telomeke​ and @wen-kexing-apologist​, I wonder what you think of this), à la OS2/Bad Buddy, that P’Aof is OKAY with us not seeing this, and not necessarily considering the ending of HCTM to be a happy ending for Thun and Med. Because he knows -- and he knows that his Asian viewers know -- that Med WILL leave Thun one day. Not yet, though. Thun still has a little time to grow wiser and older and stronger. But Med WILL disappear one day. He had been hinting at it all throughout every episode of the series. He will have to leave Thun’s side. 

I think the way the show ended was graceful. It leaves that door open for Med to find his rebirth, because was a good kid and deserves to be reborn in a happy life. It allows Thun time to grow through his first love -- first love being such an important theme to this show. It’s COMPASSIONATE to Thun, very similar to me to the kind of compassion that P’Aof showed to Uncle Jim throughout Moonlight Chicken, and just now in OS2/ATOTS to Phupha. But it’s also rooted in the SPIRITUAL REALITY that Med WILL leave -- just not yet. And P’Aof is saying, I didn’t need to show y’all, because y’all Asians already know, Med’s outta here one day. 

The other thing to note about the ending is that P’Aof had already shown a tremendous amount of Thun’s pain. Thun wasn’t necessarily HAPPY in this show. He was curious, exploring, and loyal to Med. While Thun is clearly a young man who DEMONSTRATES happiness -- MY GAWD, the 19-year-old smile of Ohm Pawat!!! -- I wouldn’t say that he was a happy child. He lost his dad young. He was SCARED as hell for potentially letting his mom down. And: he had a lot of secrets to keep. The secret of being gay. The secret of being able to see and talk to ghosts.

“He’s coming to me.” Thun comes out, twice. He’s gay, and can see ghosts. 

Even though others can’t see ghosts, I can. Even though others aren’t gay, I’m gay. Mom: I’m different. 

When Thun sobs for Med while holding onto the jar of stars in his bedroom. When Thun spins around, looking for Med on the rooftop in episode five. When Thun calls for Med and Med isn’t there. Thun is alone. He is alone with his secrets, and Med is not there -- he is NOT coming to Thun in those moments -- and Thun is left alone, different and unique, as he has been his whole life.

I’d posit that that uniqueness is particularly difficult to deal with in collectivist Asian societies as in Thailand -- which led, in part, to Thun not knowing the language of his feelings as he came out to Med in episode five on the rooftop, and being SCARED, to his bones, to come out to his friends and his mom in episode six.

For 2019: I see this show as being ahead of its time, way ahead of its time. I have lots of theories as to why this show isn’t considered a more striking part of the canon of Thai BLs, and the incredible @bengiyo​ and @shortpplfedup​ have helped me to understand the magnitude of the impact that P’Aof made in breaking up the KristSingto ship to pair Singto with Ohm -- and how the fan shippers came for HCTM, and pushed GMMTV to hide this show for years before finally releasing it on YouTube with subs.

But besides that fucking bullshit, which I’ll return to in a second, I also want to note that maybe -- considering that we have more years now, after 2019, to consider the massive trove of Thai BLs that exist now -- the skirting of the still-nascent BL tropes framework was too early for many when this show came out. As I’ve demonstrated here in this piece -- this show’s complicated. There’s A LOT A LOT. I mean, I’m in love with P’Aof’s work because I LIKE HAVING A LOT in my shows. But you go a flip side and you get Together With Me and MaxTul with love bites and throaty kisses (in the words of Seinfeld, not that there’s anything wrong with that). 

HCTM is heavy. It carried a lot that wasn’t overtly sexual by nature, like many BLs at that moment in 2019 and right beforehand (randy Perth, randy MaxTul, etc.).

I understand from @bengiyo​ and @shortpplfedup​ that, because Ohm needed to move on from Make It Right and the OhmToey ship due to Toey leaving BL after MIR, and Ohm joining forces with Singto, that Ohm received massive criticism, and continues to be a subject of criticism and bullying today (some of which I’ve seen on this site). And that Singto was also the subject of online bullying as well.

With all of this in mind -- Ohm, Singto, and the unique nature of HCTM -- I’m continuing to mull over the issue of homophobia in shipper culture. If BLs are reduced down SIMPLY to the pairings that lead these shows -- and that there’s an EXPECTATION that the shows NEED to depict certain acts of queer sexuality, SPECIFICALLY among actors who identify as straight -- that seems straight up homophobic to me.

I can see HCTM being too ahead of its time to begin shifting that paradigm. I’ll see what Dark Blue Kiss does next in the Aof oeuvre from this purview, but what I want to get at is:

IT IS CRIMINAL THAT HCTM ISN’T MORE WIDELY KNOWN. This show is affecting me literally at the same level as Bad Buddy and Moonlight Chicken.

What HCTM HELD by way of Asian culture and spirituality, by the RESPECT IT HAD for the experience of first young queer love, by LEVERAGING the ABSOLUTE BRILLIANCE OF ACTING OF OHM AND SINGTO (omg, AND SINE INTHIRA, are you kidding me?!?!?), and, oh shit, by BRINGING THAT ALL TOGETHER? To TELL a story of queerness and spirituality in Thailand?

Fuck. I’m just shaking my head. If it’s too much for the shipper folk, then... okay, go off. Leave the good stuff to me and the fam that GETS IT — the fam that gets that what we’re watching is ART, and not intended vessels for fantasy and fetish.

Last notes. I just want to say that in my SOTUS reviews, that I theorized that Singto would be brilliant when paired with a really good actor, and HCTM proved it to me. If it weren’t for this fucking shipper bullshit, I would have liked to see Singto and Ohm paired again.

Ohm is probably the most prevalent actor on my Thai BL list. I get that he was nicknamed “the king of BL,” and that he’s been the target of bias for that label and his predilection for being utterly brilliant in telling queer stories (thank you to @bengiyo​ and @miscellar​ for helping to fill me in on this).

Let me just say that this man is a goddamn MASTER. @shortpplfedup​ nailed it in her Ohm appreciation post.  @absolutebl summarizes why Ohm is singular in this BL space. Shippers who want to bully the mans, bring him down or whatever, spread misinformation, I want to say, angrily and rudely -- fuck off, and be afraid of talent in y’alls lives. 

With the tangle of homophobia and cyberbullying that seem to have an overstated impact on the Thai BL industry, it is a damn shame that Ohm doesn’t get more of his flowers, because he makes shows better. I mean: this guy OWNS ROOFTOPS. Episode five of HCTM?! Episode five of Bad Buddy?! Get this guy on a rooftop and he will SLAY. Pair him with people -- Singto? Nanon? Perth? OHM MAKES THESE GUYS BETTER ACTORS than they ever were previously.

I say the following, in all honesty, with a touch of disdain, of condescension, and sadness, for the people who don’t watch this show because it doesn’t have pectorals or hot make-out sessions, and because it features actors that many fans might want to bully:

HCTM does not have the reputation that it deserves. It’s not just a good show. It’s an HONORABLE show. For me, it pays homage to Asian cultures and practices that I relate to. It features a story of queer revelations and love that is written with passion and respect. It features probably the best acting I’ve seen so far on my watchlist. And it features two actors who were willing to subvert expectations, at the risk of their own careers, to tell this story, as written and directed by one of of the most brilliant, subversive, experimental, and creative filmmakers I’ve ever watched in Aof Noppharnach.

I want and need BL fans to appreciate Asian culture more in these shows. And I want and need BL fans to appreciate human behavior development as well. Because P’Aof is telling stories out here, stories that can enrich our lives. I wrote in my Bad Buddy thesis that BBS will be required viewing for my children. HCTM joins that list. HCTM makes me want to be a better Asian mother, and to make a world for my children where the experience of first love and coming out can be regarded not with pain, but with celebration and joy.

[It’s going to take me a while to get over HCTM, but I’ve already begun Dark Blue Kiss, and am having a FABULOUS time with it. That opening theme! P’Aof and JOCKS! Yum. Another frappé, please.

Here’s the updated list! Much to the chagrin of everyone-I-know-on-Tumblr (I’M SORRY @shortpplfedup​), I’m adding a VERY fast rewatch of ATOTS. Blame it on Our Skyy 2. I’ll want to watch ATOTS after the cinematic affair that is ITSAY, and after I’ve seen P’Aof do his thing on two existing series in DBK/Kiss and Still 2gether. ATOTS was my very first P’Aof series, and I want to rewatch it in chronology.

Here we go. As always, I’ll take recs, comments, etc.!

1) Love Sick and Love Sick 2 (2014 and 2015) (review here) 2) Make It Right (2016) (review here) 3) SOTUS (2016-2017) (review here) 4) Make It Right 2 (2017) (review here) 5) Together With Me (2017) (review here) 6) SOTUS S/Our Skyy x SOTUS (2017-2018) (review here) 7) Love By Chance (2018) (review here) 8) Kiss Me Again: PeteKao cuts (2018) 9) He’s Coming To Me (2019)  10) Dark Blue Kiss (2019) and Our Skyy x Kiss Me Again (2018) (watching) 11) TharnType (2019) 12) Senior Secret Love: Puppy Honey (BL cuts) (2016 and 2017) (I’m watching this out of order just to get familiar with OffGun before Theory of Love -- will likely not review) 13) Theory of Love (2019) 14) Dew the Movie (2019) (not an official part of the OGMMTVC watchlist, but I want to watch this in chronological order with everything else) 15) Until We Meet Again (2019-2020) 16) 2gether (2020) 17) Still 2gether (2020) 18) I Told Sunset About You (2020) 19) Manner of Death (2020-2021) (not a true BL, but a MaxTul queer/gay romance set within a genre-based show that likely influenced Not Me and KinnPorsche) 20) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) (review here) 21) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For The Sake Of Rewatching Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS 22) Lovely Writer (2021) 23) I Promised You the Moon (2021) 24) Not Me (2021-2022) 25) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) (thesis here) 26) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) and Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (2023) OGMMTVC Rewatch 27) Secret Crush On You (2022) [watching for Cheewin’s trajectory of studying queer joy from Make It Right (high school), to SCOY (college), to Bed Friend (working adults)] 28) KinnPorsche (2022) (tag here) 29) The Eclipse (2022) (tag here) 30) My School President (2022-2023) 31) Moonlight Chicken (2023) (tag here) 32) Bed Friend (2023) (tag here) (Cheewin’s latest show, depicting a queer joy journey among working adults)]