#and queer joy and acceptance

[p4nishers]

can we talk about how much queer and trans joy was this season? maggie and nina. they/them muriel, saraquel, beelzebub, even GOD. "you're a good lad" "im not actually, either". that one shopkeeper and his non binary spouse, played by a non binary actor. beelzebub and gabriel. shax, nina and maggie all thinking azi and crowley were together. also yes i'm gonna mention: crowley and aziraphale's kiss. it's just, i get that everyone's hurt and so am i but can we please focus on how beautiful this season was to us? we got so much and i'm so happy, despite the ending.

[our-queer-experience]

just thought this was really sweet

[transmonstera]

be careful with digging yourself deeper and deeper into a hole of misery and self hatred because even when you stop digging you will still be in a hole. learn to climb any way you can. do not let them bury you.

[IMAGE ID: "transness is not quantified by how much you hate yourself but by how much you could love yourself" in white wavy text with a pink border. the background is light pink and decorated with hearts and stars of varying sizes in white and dark pink. END]

[mintjeru]

companionship and understanding happy pride from my beloveds!!

open for better quality | no reposts

[plant-ago]

An Open Letter to Dan and Phil

Dear beloved nerds,

This was originally going to be an (even longer) actual letter that I was going to give to you at the tour, but my nonprofit-employed ass can’t afford a meet and greet, so we’re doing this instead. I promise it’s not just trauma dumping— mostly, it’s about saying thank you and trying to cultivate some hope for all of us.

I’ve been a big fan since around 2014, when I was a mentally ill neurotic deeply repressed loner egg (average phannie, let's be honest). Now I’m a whole adult who got therapy and HRT and has joined the legions of transmascs with the Dan Howell haircut! What a legacy.

I’m making jokes because the thing I actually want to talk about, and the reason I decided to make this an open letter, is kind of serious. But in light of the election, I feel like I need to share this, both with you and with all the other queers in this little corner of the internet.

Here’s the gist: I’m a paralegal at a non-profit organization that works to help queer migrants get asylum. Mostly what I do is sit them down in our nasty sterile office and try to be kind, and help them get through telling me all the most terrible things that have happened to them, and then turn around and pare it all down into legalese that is digestible to the government to make the case they should get asylum.

It’s a horrible job, really, and one that shouldn’t have to exist. Some parts are plainly wonderful, like meeting so many queer people from all walks of life. But it’s also heartrending and difficult, and burnout is always looming. My horrible banal work is often literally a matter of life and death for the client, and I’m fighting a broken system for a chance at giving them the happiness and safety is owed to them by international law and, really, by any decent human standard, should never have been in question.

The thing is—and this is reason to hope—queer people really do exist everywhere, no matter how much repression and violence we face. In a tiny village in Colombia, there's a kid who’s all spit and vinegar, dresses like a boy and plays football and fights anyone who says that they can’t, who grows up wiry and gets black eyes because men still can’t handle getting their asses handed to them on the soccer field by a dyke. This client texts me at my work number sometimes to ask if I’ve eaten that day, because they wanted to check in on me. He asked me to call him by a boy’s name, recently. I don’t know that he’s told anyone else. I open every message I send him with "Hola, James."

Then there’s the sweet, babyfaced college freshman who got death threats when he was outed to his classmates back home, and whose parents kicked him out when he refused to marry a girl to protect the family's reputation, leaving him alone in a foreign country. He was couch surfing and just trying not to miss class so he could keep his student status and he was so conscientious I wanted to cry— he’s eighteen, guys. Eighteen. I’ll get him his papers or so help me fucking God I will kill for him. You know? You know. After that meeting I had to sit at my desk with my notebook and fill an entire blank page with the phrase “he’s just a kid,” over and over again, until I felt like I could breathe.

On a Friday morning recently I get up and open my laptop to interpret on a call with a soft-spoken older trans woman who's sat in the bleak phone room of the ICE detention facility because her immigration judge didn’t believe that she was really transgender. “An odor of mendacity pervades everything the respondent says,” the judge wrote in her ruling, where she determined the client wasn't "credible." To this day I’m still floored that she straight up ripped off Tennessee Williams—new frontiers in bigotry, truly. She didn’t even cite. In our meeting now, the client quietly tells us how hard it was when she came out but how happy she was the first time she wore makeup, and she'd rather stay in detention here for indeterminate years as proceedings spiral on than go back to Guatemala, where they'll kill her—boys, if I ever get within spitting distance of this fuckass judge, it is on SIGHT. Absolutely fucking ON SIGHT. For legal purposes, that was a JOKE.

So I finish the call and get up to get a snack. It’s only ten am but feel tired already because I’m angry, which is not unusual but also not something I want to hold onto, because it doesn't help anything. So I make some toast and look at my phone— two texts, which I ignore, a spam email, and, wouldn't you know it, a YouTube notification from Dan and Phil games! Jarring! That’s just sort of how life is though, isn’t it? Deathly serious and lighthearted in the same breath.

But regardless, seeing the notification makes me feel warm, so I have my toast and watch a little video of you two playing Roblox or dress up or whatever it is you do on that channel these days. I have a good giggle and I finish my toast and go back to my desk. It’s a crucial part of my diet really— the giggles, not the toast. I’m not angry anymore. I’ll be angry again, but for now my cortisol levels are manageable and I can put my head back into emails or whatever the fuck. Do you ever think about how plants make food for free out of sunlight but we sit around writing emails all day? And that’s if we’re lucky. Capitalism is hell.

Anyway, there is a point I am trying to make, and it’s not really about the banal horrors of neoliberal nation-state or capitalism or even homophobia. It’s to say thank you for coming back to make silly videos together, because I love them, and you never fail to make me happy. And yeah, maybe something about the story of that scared eighteen-year-old kid at the front of my mind makes it particularly sweet to watch you two goofing off and being openly queer. It reminds me why I’m doing what I’m doing, and it gives me the strength to send another fucking email because sometimes doing “important work that I value and believe in deeply” means having to send another fucking email. And sometimes I’ll rewatch your older videos, and then come back to the more recent ones, and my heart bruises, because you remind me what I’m fighting for and why. It’s nothing grandiose, it’s just— for queer people to get to have the ability to grow into themselves and be outrageous and silly and make mistakes and to love and be loved for who they are. To have the safety and support and security that no one should ever go without. That’s all.

So I am being dead serious when I say thank you for making top-tier light entertainment, and for coming back to a job that wasn’t always kind to you, and that it does actually matter. All this talk about terrible influences and legacies has made me think that sometimes you doubt whether you do good in the world, so let me be clear: you really, really do. I kind of get the sense that in order to accept sincerity Dan needs to be beat over the head with it, so if that’s the case, consider yourself coerced, you dickhead. You matter to me, and especially in times like these, I think I speak for all of us when I say that the joy you share is a precious and treasured gift. So please accept my gratitude in return.

All my love,

Jules

(I removed or changed all identifying information in this letter to protect privacy, but the stories are real).

[clowningcrows]

it’s so cool how since coming out and accepting my transmasc identity i’m actually excited to wake up in the morning for the first time in… maybe ever. i’m excited get up and get breakfast and take care of my body. to take my meds that are shockingly kind of working. to look through my clothes and piece together something to wear that truly feels comfortable and validating and euphoric as a boy. to spend my day as myself and doing things that make me happy. doing things that further my future. it’s so refreshing. i think i’m learning to love life again.

[raqualswonderfunblog]

[halfbaked00q]

we need to put James Bond more in the path of queer elders.

Like yes he may be a baby queer finally cracking open the rigid hard shell of his adult life persona to explore Other Modes of Being at 40-some odd years. But also that doesn't stop him from being one of the old guard, he still has a wealth of life experiences, and if anything.... I do think he probably either understands on an intuitive level or would quickly pick up/quickly click with the concepts of gender being Performative. So like that wouldn't be a barrier of entry, and just like. I think he would relate to queer elders better from a like comparable life stages standpoint.

but yeah basically lol, I just think it would be very instructive for him and also, like, that he'd find a lot of camaraderie with elder butches especially lmao. And especially again elder butch activists!! like, in some ways, both him & them have lived through a lifetime of wars that are not wars. And they both had to fight tooth and nail to get here today, but by god are they still alive and screaming in defiance in the face of those that would see them dead.

I think there's a lot he could relate to with them, but also, a lot he could learn from & about with them. Like, queer joy just Hits Different when you see it in queer elders.

[mueritos]

started a new job recently as a research assistant for a gay Latinx professor in my grad program, and while I definitely don't have the time to be doing my own research, working with this professor on his book projects has been so affirming and healing. i'm working on a book he hopes to publish soon that is full of interviews of gay and trans Latine men...and it is so fucking awesome. I feel so seen by the words I am reading, and I feel tears spring to my eyes looking at the photographs of these men. They look like family members, distant cousins, and family friends. They look so happy and full of confidence. I see myself in their eyes, recognizing the "fish" shape in our eyes that is so distinctly tied to Latines. One of the men in the book is a pup! And it is so beautiful seeing his smile as he holds his pup mask.

I have met very few queer latines. I don't know what it's like to have the tio or tia that has some secret aura to them, that "no se habla" vibes where everyone knows they're queer but just won't acknowledge it. Hell, this professor I'm working with is the first gay Latine man I've ever spoken to. I wish I had a community of gay Latines. I hope I am able to access that one day :)

[phinnking]

i know a lot of people like to make fun of young queer people who use a bunch of microlabels and engage in niche or "cringe" aesthetics but im gonna be so honest, i love them so much. i 100% was that kid and while now i don't really use or think about any of the labels i used back then, that doesn't make that time any less valuable and valid (and it doesn't make someone less valid if they do keep using that terminology into their adult life!). queer kids who are figuring themselves out and are learning about new fun words for genders and pronouns and sexualities deserve to run wild and be loud and happy and not carry and be impacted by the shame that many of us have been taught to hold.

my cousin is a year younger than how old i was when i first realized i was queer and they've vaguely known they were queer for a couple years now. personally, i think that's pretty awesome. recently they've gotten into the very stereotypical scene kid aesthetic and i make a point to compliment them on it every time i see them. almost every time i see them they have a new adjustment as to how they view their gender/sexuality and i always tell them that that's really cool and i give them a hug. recently they told me they have a boyfriend and listed like 3 separate labels as to how he defines his gender and i asked them if i was remembering the definitions of all those words correctly (which i was because, like i said, i was that kid lol).

it's just all these small things that seem so trivial or "weird/cringe" that so many people look down on queer kids for engaging in and i'll never understand it. i think it is so unbelievably cool that these people are figuring themselves out and finding new terms and identities and things that they can be and they're just so excited by it. being excited by queerness is cool! wanting to engage in niche subcultures is cool! allowing yourself to be who you are in that moment without the worrying guilt of having to get it "right" is wonderful and awesome and cool and how it should be!! please do not teach the queer kids to be ashamed of themselves in a time where they should be able to run wild and figure out their identities in a way that truly makes them happy!!!!

[merthurians-prat-and-idiot]

Shoutout to BBC Ghosts episode 2x06 "Perfect Day" for truly being perfect and making me tear up everytime 😭❤🏳️‍🌈

[idoherty451]

Cross-posted to my website

In celebration of Pride Month, we’ve posted a recent performance of our song “Those Eyes” on its own to Mosaic Mind’s new YouTube channel. I wrote some words to go along with it:

Because of the environment I grew up in–Catholic school until college–for a long time, any sense of attraction I felt gave me a sense of dread. Even after I came out, I always felt guilty when I developed feelings for another guy, especially if it was a friend. But after years of therapy and some scary (but important) conversations with friends, I realized how messed up it was that I had such feelings of guilt and shame and FEAR associated with just finding another person attractive. And if I had any hope of finding a partner, I’d need to do SOMETHING to change that perspective.

So I wrote a song about it. I wanted to write a song about finding someone attractive, and being excited about that. Not “love at first sight.” Just the joy of discovering someone you’re interested in and wanting to learn more, the same way a song on the radio might grab your attention and lead you to do a deep dive on the artist. And I didn’t want it to be “about” being gay, but I wanted to make it clear that the speaker was a guy falling for another guy–hence all the times it says “boy” in the lyrics.

When we first broached the topic of working on original music in the band, I sent a batch of song demos to the other guys to see what they might want to work on. Of the four songs I sent, and without any other context than the song itself (a crappy recording of me playing and singing the song on acoustic guitar), “Those Eyes” was unanimously chosen to be the first song we worked on. Any trepidation I felt about workshopping and performing a song that felt very emotionally risky for me quickly fell away as we began working on it and I saw how comfortable the other guys were with it. And how much they ENJOYED it.

It’s great to be able to play music in a band again. It’s even better to get to play music with a group of people that accepts and appreciates who I am.

For anyone else out there struggling the way I did–gay, straight, whatever–I hope this song gives you some sense of solace.

[adulthoodisokay]

my boyfriend took me to see Hadestown for Ani DiFranco’s opening weekend as Persephone and when I told my therapist about this she did a double take and was like “wait..he’s a cis straight dude right? nice.”

[alidravana]

I'm really getting that vibe from some people in the 911 fandom where they only like queer characters when 'they are queer in the ways that they deem queer people to be acceptable' and in this scenario, that's when characters are gay only for each other.

Let Buck discover who he is without the need to force him into a relationship with Eddie - aka not everything needs to be buddie endgame. If this somehow ruins Buck or the show for you, well then, that's something you might want to reflect on a bit more. (And this goes for Eddie too)!

[spicebutchmansion]

picking apart the comphet and cishetnormativity you've been taught is fucking HARD. plus it's frustrating thinking about how non of us asked to be born into instant ingraining of misogynist bullshit. but deeply rewarding as you become more actualized in yourself and your sexuality/sexual self. reading the lesbian masterdoc was a turning point in realizing I don't want to have sex or romance with men (or anyone subscribing to similar ideals).

I don't identify as a lesbian partly because I'm trans and agender, and partly just because "queer" feels much better as a label. but a lot of the masterdoc was still helpful and applicable to me. I can recognize that I want to prioritize sexual, romantic and every type of relationship with women, now. feels like a huge tension in me is slowly releasing.

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

HEY WHO WANTS AN UPDATE ON MY VACATION THAT NO ONE ASKED FOR? Lmao well sucks for you this is a monarchy and I am Prince and you're getting it anyway:

1. My friends and I went down to eat breakfast. The waiter asked them what language their native tongue is, Kannada or Tulu or anything else, and before they could answer he pointed at me and said (in Kannada), "I knew this one speaks English as soon as I looked at them. With people like this I just go full butler and restrict myself to yes or no."

2. Yes I fucking got called out as a whitewashed piece of shit by a random waiter who took one look at me. The worst part is he's right. English is my first language.

3. I saw a lot of human kidneys and they were THE CUTEST THINGS EVER THERE WERE SO MANY I WAS SO HAPPY UNFORTUNATELY I COULDN'T HOLD ANY BUT AT LEAST I GOT TO LOOK AT THE CUTIES.

4. I made a lot of intense eye contact with dead babies to evade the Birds. To be fair, most of the babies had, um, closed eyes. Or no eyes. I promise I wouldn't have been making that much eye contact without the Birds. I'd have been looking at the kidneys instead. No i will not be elaborating for fear of freaking people out.

5. It was legal btw. Aside from the photo my friend took of me making the two fingered salute (like the dude smiling next to the grave meme) next to a foetus that was at least slightly demonic in origin.

6. Anyway so then I spoke to my other friend and told her how I felt (about being afraid that they didn't see me as a guy because they've known me since I was 11) and she said it wasn't that, she was just getting used to the new name and pronouns and that was all (since I only came out to her two days ago). And I hugged her.

7. My friends have all been using Asmi for me and correcting themselves with their pronouns. I love them and I want to cry.

8. I saw two men holding hands in front of me at the mall. A very careful holding of hands, delicately. But I think they saw me glance at them, because when they got on the escalator in front of me, they untangled their hands and when one reached for the other's hand again, he pulled it away, and they both carefully stayed on their phones. I don't know. Just something I'm thinking about.

9. Maybe I should take off the progress pride pin from my denim jacket and just wear it everywhere I go. Fuck blending in with the cishets I want the queers to know I exist and they're not alone.

And those were the highlights of my day <3 A totally normal vacation for real.

Have the loveliest of days my maggots I'll be back home in two days and then I'll have all my attention to annoy you with, my loves. And a social battery, which currently is dead by night because of irl interactions.

I'll sleep now. The Horrors will be occupied with me, I hope they leave you alone.

I love you 💕