#I’ve been contemplating in for a while
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Hey guys! I’ve finally made an instagram for all my fanart, if you want to see it in one place!
It’s @ libros_amarillos ♥️
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the sudden influx of sdv fics im seeing from moots and just seeing in general is changing something within me .. do i dare attempt to write a shane fic that encapsulates the weariness of both his aging body and plummeting mental health on top of the recurring reminder of the deaths of his two best friends and how the guilt he has no reason to feel cripples him and how horribly ill-equipped he is to care for a child who he can’t look at without being reminded of them. hm.

#I haven’t written anything since my like. 50k long devil judge fanfic that’s rotting in my notes app complete but unpublished#we won’t talk abt that#but recently I’ve been reading some life changing megop fabrics (shoutout astolat. u beast of a writer)#and like damn im really in need of a soul crushing Shane fic#allow me to steeple my fingers in deep contemplation for a while#chitchat
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Doing some thinking about how I want to draw Skarloey n Rheneas
Rheneas… he’s so goddamn difficult to get right for me but I will figure it out
I want them both to look similar but still distinct (I am thinking too hard about this probably)

The culprit of all this (ignore the guy to the left he’s for perspective reference)
the above image is still a wip
#my art#ttte#ttte skarloey#ttte rheneas#been doing a decent chunk of writing and drawing related to them at a leisurely pace the past while#and I am often contemplating as a result of that#…#I usually draw the engines with black eyes but if I didn’t this’s what these two would look like probably#rhen as has some high cheekbones#he’s actually kind of pointed upwards more in general#while skarloey is more wide and centred proportionally#both are old and blessed with wrinkles#(I like drawing them)#I often forget how smooth they really are on canon#mostly#nothing wrong with that#though I’ve headcannoned(? I guess that would be)#them as not that that it feels odd slightly#(._. ‘’)
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About Ford sleeping in the Stanleymobile because it's the only thing he has left of Stanley in Martian Stan AU and because he misses him so much. He probably has it towed some time closer to the house.
I headcanon that Ford used to sleep in Stanley's bunk bed when he still lived after the pawn shop, after their father kicked Stanley out. He missed him so much, and the lingering smell was a big part why he slept there. It was the only physical reminder of Stanley as a person he still had.
Stanley likely did his best to keep his car's interior as clean as he could within his means. He loves that car and it's often been his home. He lived regularly out of it, spending hours inside, sleeping on the back seat.
What haunts me is that Ford likely would realize that the car's entire interior smells of his brother. And I wonder, after ten years apart where Stanley went through a lot and his scent probably changed, if Ford with his human nose still could recognize it.
You guys are leaving the most beautiful and heartbreaking mini-fics and poetry in my inbox. Ow. Oh my gosh. this is beautiful and so so real.
Ford not quite recognizing the scent of his brother in the car, but it still being familiar in a way is just… they knew each other better than they knew themselves, once upon a time. and now Ford gets to sit in Stans car and grapple with the fact that he doesn’t know Stan anymore. Not as well as he used to. And Stanley needs him, needed him, and now Ford can, has to save his brother
Also i’m accepting your headcanon about him sleeping on Stan’s bunk :((( they really as the most tragic twins ever. Gosh that is. ty anon for sending me this i’ve been contemplating how i could possibly respond for days and just rereading it because it’s so sad and good and canon
#asks#martian stan au#stanleymobile#stanford pines#im including this tidbit in my fic not sure how but it’s happening#sorry i took forever to respond djdjdjd i’ve been sitting on this one and contemplating it for a while
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i’ve been contemplating getting a wolfcut or something for my next haircut…. i feel like my hair texture might do pretty well with it to where i don’t have to do a whole lot to make it look decent lol but idk 😭
#robin.txt#i’ve been getting mostly the same sort of thing for years now#but i’ve been contemplating a change for a while….#especially since a lot of my hair has actually fallen out recently#which i’m fairly certain is because of me stopping birth control and/or my surgery back in nov.#like that stuff can trigger it. and it’s not bad like i’m not bald lol you can’t even tell#but EYE can tell because my hair is thinner than usual. i have VERY dense hair naturally#there are a lot of baby hairs coming in tho so it’ll be back eventually#and it’s wavy like 2a-2b ish so i think it might lay nicely with all the layers#i’m just wondering if it would work alright during this weird regrowth period#IDK i’m not good at this stuff. and i don’t want something high maintenance#i don’t do styling and shit. it would have to look good pretty much as is or it ain’t happening LOL
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I’m so parasocial rn after coming out of what seems to have been like six years of inadequately treated depression and seeing Taylor Swift having reached new heights of healing and closure
#i’ve been trying so hard not to get too far ahead of myself with what feels like a new brain#but I do feel like some deeply rooted things may finally come Unstuck#and seeing everyone’s pop star bestie heal in real time in the last two years is just a lot#like…could I be having a normie version of this…right now?#much to contemplate#am I also stressed about the potential for fundamental changes to the life I built while army crawling through depression? yes
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what? my blog title? it changed?
#starkitt says#I’ve been contemplating changing it for a bit tbh#I’ll keep it like this for a while and see if I like it#but liiike… yeaaaahhh might as well embrace it at this point#this special interest is not going away any time soon hgndkcndkcndkcndncn#so. might as well XD
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october book club
Since some people expressed interest in a book club, I thought we could try it! To start us off, I picked Angela Carter's Book of Wayward Girls and Wicked Women : an Anthology of Stories. A short story collection seemed like the best way to start this experiment and this one in particular might be a fun way to discover new writers!
Multiple scans of the book can be found on the Internet Archive: [1] [2] [3] [4]
If you'd like to join, feel free to read one or multiple of the stories and share your thoughts. We can figure out a tag or a comment system as we go, for now I'm just excited to read alongside other people again. I hope we'll like it! And if not, I hope we can at least have fun complaining about it :)!
#Bibliothek#book club#scheduled since it’s 2am rn#I’ve been contemplating the book choice for a WHILE#been going through a bunch of books#but I feel like this might be fun
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So anyway John and Kate adopt Star. <3
#in case anyone was curious what I’ve been doing fandom wise.#It’s rewatching the terminators and contemplating getting into firefly while watching castle#Just watched terminator salvation tonight#And this is my new headcanon for the Connor family#You can pry it (and t3 and salvation) from my cold dead hands#<3#terminator#terminator salvation#just yelling into the void#meme time#john connor#kate connor#star
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#whichever answer is fine lmao#i’ve been contemplating actually like. working on it for a while bc k only have that trailer posted#but i can’t decide whether or not i think it’s worth it yk#so this is me gauging that#jude duarte#cardan greenbriar#the cruel prince#jurdan#tfota#the wicked king#the folk of the air#the queen of nothing#tcp#cardan
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The urge to change my entire username and my online name…is so strong…
#˚ʚ meda rants ɞ˚#like i’ve been contemplating it for a while#and honestly i’ve just been thinking…#now that winter break has started for me and i finally have time to update everything…#i just may…#idk though#i’ve been using andromeda as my pen name since i was like fifteen#and as much as i love it…i feel like i need a change
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Buzzed, watching Bridgerton, window shopping for bikinis, and I do fear I may have a soft spot for shimmery fabrics
#not overly glitter but the kind that has… like a dusting of sparkle?#if that makes any sense#like the fabric might have stars woven in it or some romantic shit like that haha#there’s a pretty blue bikini that’s shimmery but also a different blue bikini that has a cute ruffle trim on the bottoms…#decisions decisions#I’ve also recently wondered if I wouldn’t mind a shimmery fabric on a future wedding dress#I remember when my friend *Mango was shopping for her dress in the fall there was some that were rather pretty#and honestly as a hopeful romantic I’m lowkey always planning/thinking about what I might like for my wedding someday#I’ve recently been contemplating how I might like to style my short hair for my wedding#I kinda think I wanna keep this style/length for a while#oh wow i am super rambly in these tags haha#chatting with the void#inner monologue
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Jet did I go too hard on the Odysseus jokes and now you have to become him /j
dunno what you’re talking about, the only Odysseus I see here is me
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experiencing a truly painful first day of my period as happens to me every few months and I think I am not concealing it so well at work
#through pure luck I’ve never before been in the office with other people on a bad day like this before#and it turns out my usual coping mechanisms of gasping and sighing don’t go unnoticed when you’re around other people#I would really like to go home and lie on the couch while contemplating if spending money on things I don’t need will make me feel better#but alas my boss is male and I don’t feel like getting into all that with him#rare pic of me in the wild
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Murderbot as a ‘Cringe’ Litmus Test for the Audience (a.k.a., we are culturally the Corporation Rim)
One of the more interesting things I’ve seen in discussions of ‘Murderbot’ are how many people are not happy that the show made the Preservation team more explicitly hippies. After all, per our current cultural zeitgeist, hippies are silly, over-earnest, over-feeling, over-EVERYTHING. Why is this team of scientists holding hands and humming? Why are they taking breaks in the middle of a tense situation to reassure a colleague that they love him? Why do they stand around playing music and dancing during their downtime? Why did the show make them “Cringe”?
And that got me thinking again about the current cultural antipathy toward sincerity and openness. People who are seen as open and sincere beyond a fairly narrow scope of emotional expression are treated as deeply weird, off-putting, and most importantly for this conversation, as INCOMPETENT. You can’t be goofy and competent. You can’t believe in the power of love and friendship and holding hands and taking a dance break, and still be a good scientist. You can’t have one of the unsexy sorts of mental health problems (panic disorder) and be a good leader. In our current cultural moment, you have to be Cool. You have to be unaffected by both the horrors of the world and the day-to-day joys.
I think that a lot of people see themselves in ‘The Murderbot Diaries’, and a lot of them understandably love the very anticapitalist tone of the books. And they wanted Preservation to be Cool Space Communists. Hypercompetent at all times, serious, without flaw. Because any personal flaws might be taken as flaws in their cultural and political leanings, right? And we can’t have silliness or goofiness or fun in our Communist Utopia, or people won’t take us seriously.
But to me, the tension is so much better, so much more real and human and FUN. And it makes the audience question their own implicit biases as much as SecUnit is going to have to contemplate its implicit biases. This team is comprised of highly talented scientists from a culture that values emotions and, yes, activities that we the audience have been culturally trained to think are Cringe. They do have a humming consensus circle—so that anyone in the team can have veto power over a decision that has major ramifications not only for a research project, but for their own ethics. They do like to play music and dance when they’ve got some free time, even if that music would be considered embarrassing or offputting to outsiders. They do openly love one another and support one another, even in—no, especially in—challenging times. It’s good to have that tension, both to tell the story and to give the characters and the AUDIENCE an emotional and thematic arc.
Let’s use Dr. Mensah as a the best example so far of this tension. Mensah is a good leader. In every scene where she’s with the group, she’s the heart of it. She’s always weighing the fears, the thoughts, the feelings, and the arguments of her friends to come to a decision. She doesn’t feel like Gurathin’s right about not trusting SecUnit, but she’s also very aware that he knows more about the Corporation Rim than she does, and that his arguments, while rooted in his fears, are rational. So she ends up deciding that they’ll leave the SecUnit behind for their mission.
And it’s the wrong call. Going out to the dark site in the map without the SecUnit almost gets her killed. But her decision to climb the scree pile alone makes sense, because she doesn’t want to further endanger Bharadwaj, and if she doesn’t climb up there with her equipment, they won’t get important information about what’s going on with their survey data. And yes, while she’s climbing she has another panic attack. But she keeps climbing through it. Hell, she even takes a moment to encourage the teamwork between SecUnit and Gurathin, because that’s an important part of being their leader. And, yes, they both roll their eyes because they still don’t like one another. But the important thing is that she’s created this sense of openness, of acceptance, of love.
Being a good leader doesn’t mean making the right call all the time. It means learning from both right calls and wrong calls. It means creating an environment where people can be wrong, and learn from their mistakes, and try again to get it right. And it works! Gurathin may roll his eyes, but he also has the space to apologize for getting it wrong. He has the space to fuck up and try again. And that is created by her encouragement, by her openness, by her caring even when it becomes embarrassing to a man raised in our culture the Corporation Rim, where open emotion is something to smirk at.
And when she’s alone, Mensah falls apart. When no one can see her, she has panic attacks, because things are starting to go pear-shaped for these people she loves. Because one of her dear friends nearly died, and she wasn’t there, and apparently that could happen at any time because their maps are faulty, and the only real rescue is an untrustworthy bond company that is a week away at best. That’s a perfect recipe for a panic attack, but she hides them because she knows what she needs to be for her friends and colleagues. She is the leader, and damned if she’s going to let something like her panic disorder stop her from doing that.
That’s not incompetent, that’s incredibly courageous. Her bravery lies in being afraid and pushing through, not being flawless from the off. The bravery and the competence and the things that eventually are going to win Murderbot over to loving these humans ARE their flaws and the fact that they don’t let those flaws stop them from trying to be the best people they can be, while also being true to a culture of being open and loving to the point that they can come across, to the jaded construct or audience member, as Cringe.
I think we’re going to see more and more of that as the show unfolds. We’ve only just laid the groundwork, and established the initial impressions of all the characters. They are being set up for arcs, and by electing to let the Preservation team be more out-there, more earnest, more Cringe, they’re setting the audience up for an arc too.
Anyway, loving the show, can’t wait for the DeltFall storyline to kick off tonight. And I love this crew being highly-competent space hippies with realistic human flaws, who love and support one another. In an unrelentingly Cool, Bleak, and Edgy television landscape, it really is nice to have kind characters be free to be their kooky selves without the show judging them for it.
#murderbot#murderbot TV#Dr. Mensah#I really like the decisions to make them space hippies#and to give Mensah panic attacks#because of how obviously it challenges the audience’s perceptions of competence#and lets the audience go on the same emotional arc as Murderbot#solid writing#and a fun direction to take things in
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YOUNGBLOOD



⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆ . ۫ ꣑ৎ . ⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺
rafe x fem! black cat! pogue!reader
masterlist | kofi | next part
wc: 9.3k (sorry)
summary: summary: You’re the girl. Every guy who asks you out gets the same answer: No. You don’t do dating anymore. But as your reputation grows, so does the challenge. And when Rafe Cameron gets you in sights, he’s not about to give up.
cw: Rafe and reader are both assholes (hers is justified bc to me women are always correct) but it works out. oh also this one is a little spicy !! ofc not full smut but this is Rafe Cameron we’re talking about i can’t NOT include a LITTLE. ward jumpscare for like two seconds, references to past shitty relationships
tags/tropes: he falls first and harder (seriously he wants her BAD) black cat x doberman, kind of how to lose a guy in 10 days vibes, at first Rafe wants her bc of the challenge but eventually he just WANTS her, mild hurt/comfort, dom! rafe but also he does whatever reader wants (except stop trying to date her)
a/n: in this fic i imagine reader being one of those super fluffy feral black cats and then rafe is this doberman sitting behind her. walk him like a dog sis walk him like a dog
i’m so glad i finally finished this i’ve been writing it for ages but here it is !! hope u guys like it <3
EDIT 2: part two is up you heathens :) (affectionate)
songs i listened to while writing: Youngblood by 5 Seconds of Summer, Meddle About by Chase Atlantic, Champagne Coast by Blood Orange, Salvatore by Lana Del Rey, Brooklyn Baby by Lana Del Rey, Sad Girl by Lana Del Rey, sex money feelings die by Lykke Li, Angel by Massive Attack and Horace Andy
title taken from Youngblood by 5 Seconds of Summer aka this fics anthem
. ݁₊ ⚜️ . ݁˖
He meets you in, of all places, a fucking Barnes & Nobles.
There’s one Barnes & Nobles in the entirety of Kildare Island; it’s on the North side.
Rafe is only there because one of Kelce’s current flings is obsessed with reading those smutty books. Race doesn’t get the appeal. Apparently, the fling is at home sick and Kelce wants to get her something to make her feel better.
Rafe and Topper both think the partying might seriously be affecting his brain chemistry.
But anyway, Kelce asked Rafe to help because he’s “got a way with wooing women” and then since Rafe was going he said fuck it and invited Topper, who will surely be the voice of reason in all of this.
(He seriously doubts it, since Topper almost died in a burning building for the sake of his girlfriend, but whatever. Rafe just doesn’t want to deal with pussy-whipped Kelce by himself.)
They’re on their third go around the store and Rafe is beginning to contemplate the pros and cons of just grabbing the nearest book of the shelf and telling Kelce to just fucking pick something when he spots you:
Straining to reach a book on one of the top shelves. Looking perfectly and immaculately delicious.
“Yo,” He smacks Topper’s arm, getting his attention, “Who the hell is that?”
Topper follows his eyeline, landing on you.
“No fucking way, dude. No chance.”
He frowns, turning and looking at Topper, affronted.
Topper shrugs. “No offense, man. I tried once. All the guys in the island got this stupid-ass nickname for her, too.”
He raises an eyebrow. “Oh?”
“Mhm. The Pogue Princess. She’s turned down every single guy to ever ask her out. Even the Kooks.”
Rafe snorts. “So she’s arrogant?”
“I wouldn’t call it that. I totally thought she was a bitch when she turned me down, but honestly, it makes sense. People only ask her out because she always says no.”
“So?” He scoffs. “She’s fucking hot. She should be flattered.”
He looks her up and down again. “I’m gonna ask her.”
He can picture it exactly: having the one and only Pogue Princess hanging off his arm. The girl no other guy has banged— she’d be his, and his only. He’d have those lips and that face— he’d have you.
And you’d have him, of course. Not many girls can say that.
“Suit yourself man. Don’t come crying to me when she turns your ass down.”
He strides over to you, sidling up next to you, leaning against the shelf.
“Hey,”
“No.”
He blinks. “What?”
“No. No I don’t want your number, no I don’t want to sleep with you, no I don’t want to go out with you.” You say, not looking over at him once.
“Well, how come, doll?” He says, leaning down a bit so he’s closer to your height. “We could have a good time, you and me.”
“First of all,” You start, pulling a book off the shelf. “It’s a known fact that Rafe Cameron doesn’t date Pogues. Secondly, I can tell you exactly how this relationship would go. We’d date, and then after a few weeks you’d grow sick of my Pogue-ish ways or something like that. We’d break up, and then I would be seen as even more of a social pariah than I am now. I’d be unwelcome in Pogue spaces because I’d forever be the girl who dated Rafe Cameron just to get her heart broken like all the others, and I’m already a stain on this side of the island, but I’m willing to bet your groupies and fanclub would increase their ridicule if I was ever seen here. So no.”
He lets out a low whistle. “You’ve thought this out.”
“No I haven’t. It’s predictable.”
You re-shelf the book you were holding then walk away, stalking deeper into the store.
He looks back at Topper once, flashing his best friend that dangerous smile.
Topper groans in the distance, all too away of the effect a challenge has on Rafe Cameron.
—
You have to say. You’re a little surprised to feel his continued gaze on your back, even more displeased to hear his footsteps trailing behind you.
“You won’t better your chances by annoying me.”
“I haven’t even said anything.”
“You don’t have to,” You slow your walk, reaching out to tap your hand on the spine of a book you’ve been eyeing for awhile. “Your reputation precedes you.”
“And what does my reputation say about me?”
“That you’re an asshole and a heartbreaker,” You turn and look back at him over your shoulder. “You’re not exactly selling me, here.”
Your eyes latch on something tucked under his arm. It’s the two books he saw you eyeing. His gaze catches yours and he gives you a cocky smirk.
You roll your eyes and turn back around. “You’re going to have to try harder than that, Rafe Cameron.”
He trails after you the entire time you’re in the store, picking book after book off the shelf that he sees your eyes even linger on.
“What’s your plan here?” You ask, turning a book over in your hands and scanning the blurb on the back. “Buy the entire store? Woo me with your credit card? You’re not the only guy on the island with a piece of plastic.”
“Pretty sure I’m the guy with the most on his plastic, though.”
You sigh loudly through your nose. “I’m not interested in men who are only interested in me as an object. You want the trophy you get from ‘bagging the Pogue Princess.’ So fuck off.”
You’re so sick of this. Sick of every guy being the same— only being interested in you as an ego boost. No guy has ever been interested in you for you.
And they never will be, so long as you keep turning them down. Every man wants what he can’t have.
“You’re seriously not going to get anything?”
You pause in your storm off, turning around to look at Rafe. “What?”
His arms are laden with a thick stack of books, muscles flexed at the weight of the stack, straining at the sleeve of his t-shirt.
He gestures to the shelves around you. “You must have looked at the entire store. You’re really just going to leave?”
“I’m a Pogue, Rafe. You do the math.”
Your hands clench and unclench on the strap of your bag. You never thought you’d catch the attention of Rafe Cameron. If Sarah’s the Kook Princess, then he’s the Kook Prince. Dating him would give you some major points on the North Side of the Island.
…And ruin your relationship with 90% of the Pogue’s on The Cut.
Besides. Even if you did date him, he would stick around. No way in hell he would. And then you’d be back right where you started.
Your fumbling with your keys out in the small parking lot, groaning as your ancient beater car key once again refuses to turn in the lock when you hear footsteps behind you.
You rub a hand over your face and turn around.
“Can you please leave me alone? Seriously.”
He’s got that stupid smile on his face again and he’s holding something out to you.
A book. Just one.
You take it from his hands cautiously. “You had a whole stack. Why downgrade to just one?”
He clasps his hands behind his back. “Cause you looked at all those other ones once. You stopped at this one three times. Figured you might’ve wanted it.”
You chew your lip. “I’m still not going out with you.”
He shrugs. “Didn’t think you’d change your mind right now.”
He leans down, reaching forward, breath fanning your face. You screw your eyes shut, bracing.
A loud click behind you. He pulls away.
“But you will.”
With that, he turns, walking back into the store. At the doors, he flashes you one last smile.
You take one breath. Two.
You climb into your now unlocked car, tossing the book onto the passenger seat.
When you get home, you won’t be able to stop thinking about how in the moment, you kind of wanted him to kiss you.
—
He finds you at the Boneyard, because of course he does.
You’re sitting on one of the drift wood-slash-benches near the bonfire, pretending like you’re not shivering.
“You know, most people come to beach parties to let loose and have fun. That includes me. Having fun and letting loose does not include you.”
“Oh, come on. This is neutral territory, sweetheart.”
“Don’t call me that.”
“What am I allowed to call you?”
“Nothing. Go find another girl to stroke your ego. Or your dick. I don’t care either way.”
He leans down into your space. “You’ve got a mouth on you.”
“Fuck. Off.”
He raises his hands in mock surrender. “I only came over to give you this.”
This time, instead of holding out a book (that you had, in fact, read in a matter of days. It was as good as you’d thought it’d be) he holds out a jacket. One of those expensive North Face fleeces.
You scrunch your nose. “And why are you giving me that?”
“You’re cold.”
“So?”
“So, I’m being a gentleman.”
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t know you knew what that word was.”
He drops the fleece on your head. “Take the fucking jacket.”
You slide it off your head, putting it on and glaring at him all the while.
“I’m only putting this on because I’m cold.”
“Sure you are.”
“This has nothing to do with you. I’m still not dating you.”
“Mhm.”
“I hate you.”
He cracks the same smile he gave you at the bookstore. “Sure.”
He takes a swig of his beer, walking backwards towards his group of friends. “You look good in my clothes, princess.”
You flip him two fingers, and he flips them straight back.
You’ll deny it later that you smiled after the interaction.
—
He shows up at your job. This time, Topper’s with him.
You close your eyes and count to ten, mentally picturing fleeing the country and never having to deal with men again before speaking.
“You know, there’s a term for you right now.”
He smiles that same stupid fucking smile, tapping his fingers on the table of the cafe you work at. He’s seated outside in your section. You highly doubt it’s by mistake.
“Determined? Persistent?”
“A repeat offender,” You say flatly. “Now will you please order and get the hell out here?”
To his credit, Topper looks vaguely uncomfortable with his own presence. Though that might be because you did turn him down particularly brutally. You wince internally. It wasn’t his fault, per se. It was just… not a good day.
Rafe is perfectly capable of handling your top-notch bitch-ery, and secretly, you enjoy the chance to be as openly angry as you want to be.
Rafe pretends to read over the menu. You know he’s only pretending because you watched him read it for five straight minutes when they first arrived. He probably has it memorized.
“I’d like a blueberry muffin,” He says, still smiling. “Just one.”
You scribble it down on your order sheet, then turn to Topper. “And you?”
“Uh,” He clears his throat, “Just a water, please.”
You raise your eyebrows. “Seriously? You came all the way to my job to harass me and that’s what you order? One muffin and a water?”
You write the water down anyway, clicking your tongue. “And the asshole-ery continues.”
“And what would you have us order, then?” Rafe asks, eyeing you from his position at the table.
It’s scary how well he commands a space just by being— he’s Rafe Cameron and he knows it. He exudes power and control.
He’s the exact kind of man you turn down hard. No chance of anything.
“Something actually worth bothering me for,” You slip the notepad into your apron pocket and spin on your heel, “I have other orders and tables to wait. Don’t expect to get your muffin and water soon.”
As you wait and bus the tables that need to be dealt with before your orders are ready, you begin to wonder if you’re going too far.
This isn’t just any Kook. This is Rafe. He could completely and utterly destroy your life if he wanted to.
Maybe you’re better off agreeing to go out with him. Just to be safe. Women don’t turn a man like that down.
Finally, you get their orders out to them, setting them on the table a little less harsh than you were originally planning.
“There,” Can’t quite stop your mouth, though. “Do you want the check now?”
Rafe picks up his muffin, shrugging. “Sure.”
You slide them the bill— you had it ready the second you got the chance. You’d rather not have them here any longer than you have to.
It was hard enough to get a job outside The Cut. You don’t need to give your boss any more reason to fire you.
Rafe tosses a few bills onto the bill and you take it, counting the money.
“You overpaid.”
“No I didn’t.”
“Your total was nine dollars and twenty six cents. You just handed me two hundred dollar bills.”
He tilts his head at you like he’s confused. “I thought you were supposed to tip waiters and shit.”
You blink at the bills. “Yeah like, five dollars. Not two hundred. I don’t even think we accept hundred dollar bills.”
“Tell your manager I’m the one who paid. Can’t take issue with a Cameron.”
“You’re the worst,” You tell him, but take the money back to your manager. He isn’t happy, but like Rafe said— can’t take issue with a Cameron. He gives you the change you need and bores holes into your back with how hard he’s staring as you walk the money back.
“Here.” You thrust your arm out, handing him the change.
Rafe crosses his arms. “I said that was your tip.”
“I can’t accept this. I don’t accept pity money.”
He rolls his eyes. “It’s not pity money.”
“Then what kind of money is it? Cause it sure feels like pity money. Oh wait, is this you-owe-me-now money?”
He groans. “Can’t you just take the fucking money?”
“Not if there’s a consequence.”
If Topper looked uncomfortable before, he looks almost nauseous now. You kind of feel bad for him.
Rafe scrubs a hand down his face. “Will you just take it? No consequence.”
“Why?”
Topper chokes on his water.
“Why?” Rafe asks, a muscle in his jaw jumping. “Because it’s what I do. You’re the Pogue Princess, yeah? I’m giving you the princess treatment.”
“But why? What do you gain from this?”
“I’m just gonna go wait at the car,” Topper says, getting up so quickly he bumps the table.
Rafe’s eyes never leave you, the money still clutched in your hand. “You know what I get out of this? The prettiest girl on the island in my clothes. The prettiest girl on the island spending my money.”
The bills start to crinkle in your grip. “I’m a Pogue. You don’t date Pogue’s.”
He stands, pushing back his chair in a much more controlled manner than you were expecting, given the look on his face. “Have you ever considered that you’re the exception?”
“No, because I’m not. The only part of me that’s an exception is the challenge. That’s all you want.”
Something flashes in his eyes. His gaze is dark where it scans your features, something calculating in his eyes.
“Some guy fucked you over, huh?”
Your near full body flinch is a dead giveaway. “Fuck you, Rafe. You’re an asshole.”
He shrugs. “Maybe. Probably. But I’m gonna keep showing you what this,”
He gestures to the both of you. “Could be like. I’m not that kind of asshole. Not to girls who look like you.”
He stands, taking all the change out of your hand except the $100 bill.
“Hold onto that for me,” He says, voice husky as it brushes your ear.
His hand comes up for one second, two, and then he lowers it. Like he’d had to restrain himself ok touching you.
An involuntary shiver runs down your spine. He smirks at the reaction.
And then, he’s gone. Now you’re just some waiter standing at a table with a $100 clutched in your hand.
You shake yourself out of your stupor, getting busy bussing the table. You notice something fluttering under his plate.
An old receipt with a number scribbled on it.
And a $20 bill.
“Son of a—“
—
You’re having a really bad day. One of those thirty-million-minor-inconveniences-in-a-row days. With one last fuck you from the universe on top.
You couldn’t get your hair right no matter how many times you tried, your makeup is rushed and bad because you spent too much time on your hair, once again one of your neighbors pulled out of their driveway without looking and almost killed you, a guy tried feel you up during your shift and your manager told you it was your fault for wearing revealing clothing (you were literally wearing your uniform) and then top it all off, your car won’t start. It won’t even try.
You slam your head against the steering wheel. Your boss made you stay late because of the incident so it’s getting dark now. You’re not walking all the way back to The Cut. But you don’t know how you’re getting home. It’s not like you can just call a mechanic. None of your pogue friends have cars and only person who does you’d… rather not call right now.
So that just leaves one option.
A really, really, terrible option.
A horrific one.
You curse as you rifle through your purse, pulling out the old receipt. Your phone’s almost dead, so you have to make this count.
You dial the number, pulling your knees to your chest and sinking low in your seat.
“Hello?”
“Hello, Rafe.”
“I was wondering when you’d call me.”
“I’m sure you were,” You say flatly. “Listen I… I need a favor.”
“Spill.”
“I’m at work. My car won’t start. I just—“ You break off, frustrated tears welling in your eyes. “Can you please come pick me up?”
“I’m on my way. Sit tight.”
He hangs up the phone and you sigh, scrubbing your face and willing the tears to just go away. You press the heels of your hands to your eyes, probably smearing your makeup past the point of return, but you can’t find it with in yourself to care.
You sit there for what feels like minutes, hands pressed to your face trying desperately to stop the tears that keep flowing when you hear a car pull up next to you.
You sit up, hands lowered, eyeing the sleek Range Rover that just pulled up next to you.
You manage to climb out of your car, hugging your waist in an act of self-soothing and a sad attempt at getting warm. It gets cold in Kildare at night.
Rafe rounds the front of his car, expression pinched.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I’m fine, really, just…” You trail off, gesturing vaguely to your car. You sniff hard, rubbing the back of your hand across your face. “It’s just been a long day.”
He looks over your shoulder, assessing your car before looking back to you. “Get whatever you need from your car.”
You rush to gather the items from your car, piling them in the backseat at Rafe’s direction. You turn, facing him when something is thrown at your face.
It’s disturbing that you recognize it by deja vu alone.
“Rafe—“ You say, taking the jacket in your hands.
“You’re cold. Put it on.”
“But—“
“Listen, princess, I’m perfectly satisfied waiting here all night until you put that on.” He crosses his arms, leaning against the car.
You squeeze the jacket in your hand. “Why do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“That.”
“Mmm,” He hums. “That’s a tough one. Probably cause you look pathetic when you shiver.”
“I do not.”
“You totally do. You get all hunched. Like an old lady.”
“Is this your idea of flirting?”
He smiles. “Put the jacket on.”
You do. It’s just as warm as last time.
He nods his head towards the car and you climb into the passenger seat, clicking your seatbelt.
He climbs in after you, putting his seatbelt on and pulling the car out of the parking lot. After a moment, he reaches across the console, turning on your seat warmer and cranking the heat up.
“Thank you,” You say after a moment.
“I told you I’d show you what life would be like if you were mine.”
“Yours?”
“Yeah,” He says, fingers flexing on the steering wheel. “Mine.”
“So you’d have me, what? Caged? Chained to you.”
“Spoiled, is the word I’d used.”
“I’m not an object, Rafe. I’m not going to be some kind of kept woman.”
He snorts. “Who said anything about that?”
“That’s what you want, is it not? Want me to have no personality, no nothing. You want me to hang off your arm and laugh at everything you say—“
“Fuck no,” He says so vehemently you pause. “You’re so fucking mouthy. And stubborn. If I wanted some brainless fangirl, I’d go find one. I wouldn’t pick her up from her job and drive her home. Probably wouldn’t give her my fucking jacket.”
You look up at him. “You wouldn’t?”
He shrugs. “None of those girls tell me to fuck off.”
“So it is the challenge. That’s all.”
“That’s not all. You’re making shit up.”
“Am I?”
“Yes. Come on. No guy has ever given you his jacket? You seriously want me to believe you look like that no one’s ever spoiled you?”
“No,” You say curtly, “You want me to believe that every guy just enjoys spending a bunch of money on a girl?”
“Not a girl. Their girl. There’s a difference.”
“I don’t get it.”
“Cause it’s not your job to get it. It’s your job to be spoiled. Now where the hell am I going?”
You give him a vague address— just the street name and how to get there. You’re not stupid enough to give him your house address.
You don’t talk for the duration of the drive, you begin to shrug out of his jacket when a hand on your thigh stops you.
“Keep it. You can give it back to me the next time you see me.”
“There’ll be a next time?”
“If I have anything to say about it.”
You slowly put the jacket back on, then hastily climb out of his car, barely remembering to grab your stuff from the back.
You pause by the window. He rolls it down.
“Um. Thank you. Again.”
His lips twitch. “Don’t mention it.”
—
You don’t see him for a full two weeks after that.
After the first week, you figure he’s busy.
After the second week, you assume you scared him off.
You’re out on your old, busted kayak on the water, enjoying the early evening sun.
“Afternoon, princess.”
“Don’t call me that,”
You look over, eyeing Rafe and Sarah on one of the Cameron’s smaller boats. Sarah waves at you kindly. She’s always been fairly kind to you—
“Princesses have to stick together.” She’d said to you once, an easy smile on her lips, her face bathed in an orange glow in front of the bonfire.
A similar smile is on her face today. But the one on Rafe’s is nothing but mischief.
“Why don’t you come over here?” He calls.
You flip him a certain finger.
“Come on!” Sarah yells. “We’ve got beer!”
Well. Who are you to say no to free alcohol?
—
You should’ve said no to the free alcohol.
“You know what Rafe?” the words tumble out of your mouth, clumsy. “You’re really hot. It’s not fair. How am I supposed to hate you when you look so hot?”
You’re sitting on one of the benches on the boat, half leaning on the back of it and half leaning on Rafe.
You might have forgotten to take into account the fact that you’re a lightweight.
He raises an eyebrow. “How many beers did you have?”
“Don’t worry about that,” You slur, attempting to shush him but failing halfway through, your hand falling harmlessly into his lap. “I like beer. I like drinking. How come I don’t drink often?”
You pause, squinting at him. “How come you’re so hot?”
“Yeah,” He sighs, “You’re drunk.”
“Who cares? I like being drunk. Drunk me is fun. Like that one song. Release your in-hi-bitions— feel the rain on your skin!”
He gives you a pained look. “Please don’t try to start dancing. You don’t have the coordination for it, and I’m not going into the water when you tip overboard.”
“Pshhh, yeah you would. You like taking care of me. Cause you’re weird.”
You turn to face the other side of the boat, where Sarah is watching you with an amused expression. “Sarah! Did I tell you that he drove aaaaaaaallllllllll the way to my job to pick me up cause my car wouldn’t start?”
She tilts her head, looking at Rafe. “You told Dad you were going to go pick up Topper and Kelce from a party so they didn’t drunk drive.”
You make a so-so motion with your hand. “That’s like. Basically the same thing.”
“It is not. You really are a lightweight, huh?”
You squint at Sarah. “Did John B. tell you that?”
She splutters. “No, I—“
You cross your arms, frowning. Then you turn to look up at Rafe again. “I should’ve called John B. to pick me up, cause he’s the only Pogue I know who’s got a car. But I didn’t. I called you.”
“Mm,” Rafe says, his jaw tensing and un-tensing. “And why is that.”
“Cause he’s being a dick. He’s all upset ‘cause I’m hanging out with you, keeps telling me I’m gonna get hurt again and blah blah blah, but then, it turns out he’s been dating Sarah for weeks and he didn’t tell me! It’s the same thing! And we’re not even dating.”
Rafe looks at Sarah. “You’re dating him? That’s who you broke up with Topper for?”
She glares right back at him. “There is literally a Pogue in this boat right now who is only here because you want to date her. Don’t be a hypocrite.”
“She’s different.”
“How?”
“How?”
You and Sarah ask the same question at the same time. Rafe sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“She’s not just some random Pogue I picked up off the street.”
“I could have been.”
“You’re not helping.”
You frown, staring at your feet.
He gazes at you for a moment. “She’s just… different.”
You blink up at him through your lashes. “You should kiss me.”
“No.”
“Why not?” You whine.
“Because when sober-you remembers all of this, she’s already going to kill me.”
“Not to mention I would.” Sarah grumbles, taking a sip of her own beer. “Come on, Rafe. You should bring her home. It’s getting late anyway.”
“Mm,” He hums, glancing at you up and down. “You wanna go home?”
“No. There’s no beer and Rafe there. S’ boring.”
“I’m pretty sure sober-you likes it that way.”
“Then she’s boring,” You poke the muscle of his bicep. “Do you work out?”
“Yes.”
“Are you buff?”
“I’d like to think so.”
“Could you carry me?”
“Probably.”
“Hmm,” You sink lower on the bench, kicking your feet. “Okay. We should go home before sober-me figures out what’s going on.”
Sarah brings the boat back to their little dock while Rafe makes various attempts to keep you awake during the journey.
You whine, batting his hands away as he pokes your face.
“We’re here, so you’re gonna have to get up.”
You groan. “You’re a big strong man. Carry me.”
You hear a huff, a sigh, and then arms come around your middle and you let out a half-aborted scream as you’re hefted into the air, stomach landing on a muscled shoulder.
“I was joking,” You mumble, your arms dangling. “I think I’m gonna throw up.”
“I swear to fucking— here.”
He slides you off his shoulder and you wobble as you land, vision swimming.
“I think I’m a lightweight.”
“You’re just now figuring that out?”
“Why are you so mean?”
“I was told by a certain princess that it was my brand.”
“I wanna go home.”
He pinches the bridge of his nose. “Are you going to walk then? Towards my car? So you can go home?”
You turn (slowly) and squint at his car in the distance. “That seems really far away.”
“It’s not.”
“I don’t wanna walk that far.”
The muscles in his jaw jump. “Just this once, because I need to get you home, and you are drunk, I am going to offer you a piggy-back ride. Got it?”
“Hmm. Okay.”
He stoops a little so you can hop on, then hooks his arms under your legs with only a mild grunt, your arms crossing —not too tight— around his neck.
He makes his way across the deck and up the path, silently, your cheek pillowed on the side of his neck.
When he makes it to the car he opens the passenger side door and slides you into it, clicking your seat belt on when your fingers fumble with it.
He’s silent the entire drive, jaw clenched and hands white knuckled on the steering wheel.
The silence practically thrums with anger, the charged air prickling your skin.
“Are you mad at me?”
He works his jaw. “No.”
“It seems like you’re mad at me.”
“I’m not mad at you.”
“Then how come you’re upset?”
He sighs out through his nose. He doesn’t respond right away. Waits until he pulls over at the front of your street, sets the car in park. His hands don’t leave the steering wheel.
“You’re… squishier than I thought.”
“You think I’m fat?”
“No- fuck. I’m saying you’ve got a convincing stone-cold-bitch act. Then you go and get drunk and turn into this. Makes me feel like a piece of shit.”
You cross your arms. “You don’t like it. Me.”
He finally looks over at you, his eyes hooded. “I never said that. It’s one thing for us to have this back and forth assholery, as you put it. But now I know this is also who I’m being a dick to.”
You look down at your lap. “You know, I wasn’t always a stone-cold bitch.”
He cuts you a look. “Stop talk—“
“No, you shut up, I’m not that drunk anymore,”
You’re totally lying, which he knows, but he lets you talk.
“There was… this guy. I really liked him. He really liked me. Well, I thought he did. He was a Kook, too. Everyone warned me against getting with him, but I thought what we had was real,” You clench your hands on your thighs. “It wasn’t. Turns out his friends had dared him to sleep with ‘the prettiest Pogue he could stomach.’ That’s all I was. The only Pogue he could stand to fake it with. He told me the morning after. We broke up.”
“Who—“
“It doesn’t matter. I’m telling you this so you understand that I am a frigid bitch, but I’m also… this. So you better not fuck this up.”
He chuckles. “What do you want me to do, then?”
You shrug. “Prove me wrong. And I’m not made of glass. You just gotta… take it.”
Rafe raises a single eyebrow. “Take it?”
“Look, I already told you I think you’re hot. You’ve got a brain. Put the pieces together.”
He rubs a hand across his jaw. “And if I go too far?”
“I’m not that fragile.”
He crosses his arms, biceps flexing. “You sure about this?”
“Right now? Yes.”
He hums. “I should say no. You’re drunk. You’re not in the right mind to make these kinds of decisions.”
“But?”
“I’d rather test this and see,” He leans down, across the middle console, eyes hooded and hungry as he stares down at you. “You’re on, pretty girl."
—
When you wake (in your own bed, shockingly) it’s to the sound of a chainsaw right next to your ear.
Oh. It’s actually just your phone buzzing.
You hit the accept button and roll over onto it instead of doing all the effort of lifting it onto your face.
“H’llo?”
“Morning, princess.”
You groan. “Why the fuck are you calling me?”
“You don’t remember last night?”
“You’re on, pretty girl.”
You groan again, this one long and drawn out. “Why did you let me drink? You should’ve thrown me off the side of the boat after the first beer.”
You’re utterly mortified at how you acted. There’s a reason you don’t really get drunk anymore.
“And get rid of my free show like that? Please.”
You huff, head pounding at the effort of remembering the night before and speaking. “Why’re you calling me?”
“Had to make sure all that drinking didn’t kill you. We’ve got plans tonight.”
You sit up a little in bed. “No we don’t. I have work tonight.”
“That’s your only dispute?”
“I figured I didn’t have to state the obvious ones.”
“Come on. It’s just a little party—“
“I don’t do parties, Rafe.”
“I recall seeing you at the boneyard more than a couple times.”
“Bonfires on the beach don’t count as parties.”
“So you’d come if it was on the beach?”
“No, I—“ You tap the speaker button, dropping the phone into your lap. “What’s the point of this party, exactly? You want to be seen in public with me? Want everyone to know I’m off limits?”
“Yes,” He says it so easily, though his voice a little rough, a little gravelly, “But you also need to lighten up. I’ll pick you up from work. Bring clothes to change into.”
You open your mouth to respond but the hang up tone beeps steadily in your ear.
Of course you had to go blab your tragic backstory to Rafe fucking Cameron.
—
Work is long as usual, and you’ve contemplated quitting several times by the time you’re changing into your ‘party’ clothes in the bathroom, ignoring the fact that Rafe has definitely been parked and waiting for half an hour.
Your boss kept you late. Again.
You rush out to his car, cursing. He’s leaned up against the passenger side door, one hand in his pocket and the other holding his phone. He looks up when you approach, the corners of his lips twitching.
He pushes off the car, opening the passenger side door and nodding towards it.
“You look good.”
You pause, shouldering your work bag. “That’s it? I keep you waiting for thirty minutes and that’s all you say?”
“Did you want me to get upset?”
“Well, no, but—“
He shrugs. “Don’t care. Get in the car.”
He closes the door after you then climbs in himself, cranking up the heat and driving towards the boneyard.
You notice his eyes flicking down to your thighs every now and then. When picking an outfit for the party/bonfire/whatever, you’d decided to go simple. Having Rafe follow you around would be attention enough.
Still, the jeans you’re wearing are tight. A bit more form-fitting than your usual attire.
He seems to notice.
You shift in your seat, a little self conscious under the heat of his gaze crossing your legs and angling them towards the car door.
He sighs. “Mm-mm. None of that.”
He reached a hand across the console, deft, strong fingers effortlessly hooking and curling over your knee and dragging your legs back over and closer to him. Once he resituates you, his hand travels a little higher, squeezing and rolling the plush flesh there in his hand.
Your breath hitches. “What are you doing?”
“Taking.”
You swallow heavily, nearly choking on the lump in your throat. “You better not act like this at the boneyard.”
“And what if I do?“
“I’ll leave.”
He snorts. “I’m your ride. You gonna walk home? In the cold?”
“It’s not cold out.”
“It is to you. You’re always shivering. You better have brought the jacket.”
He doesn’t have to say which jacket for you to know which one he’s referring to.
You cross your arms, firmly ignoring the hand still intermittently squeezing your thigh. “I did. But i’m serious, Rafe. You have to back off when we get there.”
“Mm,” He hums. “Then at least let me have a little now.”
There’s something in the way he says it. The timber of his voice, the low, almost croon to his tone. He says it like you’re in control. Like you have power over him.
Even just the idea of it is exhilarating.
You push your thigh up into his hand, just a little bit.
“Only cause you’ll be insufferable if I don’t.”
He curls his hand under your thigh, palm pressed to the side and fingers pressing into the muscle through your tight jeans.
“Thanks, baby.”
“I’m not your baby.”
“We’ll see about that.”
You pull up to the beach, party already well under way.
People cheer as Rafe climbs out of the car, but he ignores them in favor of walking over to your side of the car and offering you a hand, which you swat away.
“I’m not an invalid.”
“Has anyone told you that you’re really hard to be polite to?”
“You’re just—“
“For the love of god, don’t start with that shit. Get over here.”
He snakes an arm around your waist, tugging you to his side. He starts towards the beach and you squirm, not wanting to be seen tucked under his arm.
This is the exact scenario you’d wanted to avoid with this whole thing. Showing up with Rafe Cameron —literally climbing out of his car— and having his arm around you is the perfect way to be ostracized by almost ninety percent of your circle.
“Will you chill the fuck out?” Rafe says, slowing to a stop a little ways away from the party, turning you to face him. “We’re just going to a party.”
You attempt to shrug his arm off your shoulder, but it holds fast. “You don’t get it. You have money, so you don’t need a community to fall back on. We’re poor. All we have is each other. So if I walk over there with you, i’ll lose it. I’ll be a traitor.”
His expression twists. “You’re blowing this so far out of proportion it’s not even funny.”
Anger begins stirring in your chest. “Rafe—“
“Who cares? No seriously, who the fuck cares? Everyone on this island is a piece of shit in their own ways. No one gives a shit if I got you under my arm. No one’s watching you. You’re not a fucking celebrity. You’ve got a reputation for turning down guys, you’re not fuckin’ Taylor Swift.”
The anger fades and your skin prickles in its absence. “I don’t think that I’m famous or anything.”
Rafe’s features smooth into something a little calmer. “I know, I know. Is this cause John B’s being a dick?”
“He has a point—“
“No he doesn’t,” Rafe snorts, “He’s dating my sister. He doesn’t get to say anything.”
You sigh. “They’re just worried about me making the same mistakes again.”
His arm leaves your side and you resist the shiver that threatens to overtake you at the sudden loss of the warmth and stability you hadn’t realized you’d been reliant on during the length of the conversation.
Rafe slides a gold ring off his pointer finger— the gold ring. The Cameron signet ring. The ring he never takes off.
He takes your hand, turning it palm side up, and drops the ring in it.
“There. My dad would probably murder me if anything happened to that ring. If I become a real and serious dick to you, chuck it in the fucking ocean.”
You stare down at it. “This is real gold. It’s a family heirloom. You can’t just give it to me.”
“I’m not,” He says easily, “This is a loan. When you decide that I’m not gonna fuck you over, you can give it back.”
You close your fingers around the ring, still warm from his finger. You tilt your back, looking up at him through your lashes. A small smile starts to spread across your face.
“I’ve really got you wrapped around my finger, huh?”
He huffs a laugh, tucking you under his arm again and walking you towards the party. “Took you long enough.”
The party honestly is fun after that. You drink (not much, Rafe carefully watches your alcohol intake and makes sure you toe the line of tipsy, but don’t fall over into drunk territory. He spends the night nursing one beer, claiming designated driver whenever someone gives him shit for it.
“Never stopped you in the past.”
“Didn’t have precious cargo before.”
He stays true to your earlier agreement and remains fairly hands off, but follows you around the party like some sort of guard dog, lingering just over your shoulder and successfully scaring off every guy who even looks in your direction.
Some of the pogues do give you the occasional glare or judgmental look or two, but Rafe was right. No one cares.
It’s… nice. For once you’re not hoping no guy approaches you or praying a Kook doesn’t start some shit with you. With Rafe trailing behind you, one hand in his pocket and jaw set, you truly are free to just enjoy the party, for the first time in your life. No one’s trying to hit on you, no one’s trying to making a spectacle of trying to convince you to date them, no one is making snide comments.
It’s weird, because you’re accustomed to a certain kind and amount of anxiety that comes with going to a mixed party, but everytime you start wondering how things are going to go wrong, Rafe is there with an arm around your waist or some stupid comment or other about somebody at the party whispered in your ear.
You manage quite a bit more socializing at the party than you usually do. Unfortunately, between this and the alcohol, you tire pretty quick.
You trip over your third stick when Rafe settles a hand on your hip with an “Think it’s time you went to bed.”
You groan. “But I’m actually having a good time for once.”
He steers you in the direction of the car. “Well, you’re in luck, cause if you think you’re going to parties alone from now on, you got another thing coming.”
Rafe at your side —a seemingly permanent arrangement now— you stumble your way towards the car.
“Isn’t that boring for you?”
“If it was, I’d say something. Besides. There’ll be different parties. Stop worrying so much about shit.”
His words seem harsh, but his tone is nothing other than low and fond.
“I’m cold.”
“I told you to grab the jacket—“
“I did bring it—“
“Then why aren’t you wearing it?”
“It didn’t match the outfit!”
“Are you being serious right now?”
"Is it a crime to want to look good at a party--"
He chuckles, fingers flexing on your hip as he tugs you closer to him. "You're so stupid."
"Rude."
"Not rude if it's true."
You elbow his side, but he just laughs louder.
Unsurprisingly, he warms the car for you when you get in.
—
Storms are a common thing in Outerbanks. Everyone's used to them. Monsoons, thunder storms, even the occasional hurricane. So you're not surprised to get the warning, not surprised when it hits.
You are a little surprised to wake up pelted with rain, a tree branch in your room, and part of the roof missing.
"Shit," You gasp, pushing the fallen debris off your body and rolling out of your bed to assess the damage.
It's bad. The branch is big and long, probably from that stupid tree your neighbors refused to cut down that you said was going to be a storm hazard. They'd refused, and now there's a huge tree branch that's caved in your roof and part of the wall that separates your bedroom from the living room.
No one is home but you. No one ever is, but right now it causes tears to rise to your eyes, because there's a branch in your room, and the roof is in pieces, and now that you've stopped moving, your legs and arms and torso actually hurt quite a bit, and something warm and wet is running down your temple and when you touch your fingers to it, they come away wet and scarlet.
You're out of your depth and you're scared. You can't stay here, obviously, but you don't know what to do. No one else is home. You don't even know who to call. JJ is out, because who knows if his dad is home and he doesn't even have a phone right now, Kie's out too because her parents didn't like that you were a Pogue with a reputation, you and Pope aren't that close, and John B is... John B. He has a car, at least, and you grew up together, so he'd probably overlook everything between the both of you if you're in danger.
You snatch you waterlogged phone off your dresser, shaky fingers scrolling through your contacts, thumb hovering over John B's.
You should call him. You've been neglecting your friendship with the group recently, working around the clock and Rafe whisking you away. Everyone's busy in their own way, what with the treasure and everything, so this could be a moment to reunite, bond over how shitty the storms make life on the Cut.
There's one other person you could call.
You shouldn't. Should stick to the friends you know, call John B.
But if you called Rafe, he'd come. He'd come get you, and probably take you back to his house and you wouldn't have to worry about anything, because for some reason, he's serious about doing that.
You could call him. He probably wants you to.
You press call before you can talk yourself out of it.
"Do you know what time it is--"
"A tree branch fell on my roof and now I don't have part of my roof and I'm really cold and wet and please come get me."
"Jesus— okay, yeah, yeah I'm coming. Shit, okay. Are you hurt?"
"My head is bleeding and I'm battered all over, but I don't think I need to go to he hospital."
"You're bleeding from your head and you don't think you need to go to the hospital?"
You can hear the sound of a car door slamming and an engine turning over.
"I don't want to go because then I'll be stuck in these clothes and they'll poke and prod at me and it'll take ages and—"
"Alright, alright. Calm down. How bad is the damage to the house. Look around for me."
"Um," You turn in place, scrutinizing the disaster and chaos around you. "I think most of the roof is intact, just the portion that covers my bedroom and some of the living room are uncovered. The branch took out most of the wall that seperates my room from the living room."
"Fuck. Okay, what about the rest of the house?"
"Um, I don't think I can get to it. The tree branch and other house... pieces are blocking my door."
"Can you get out? At all?"
"Yeah, I think through my window."
"Don't move. Take what you need from your room. I'll be there soon."
“Please don’t hang up.”
The line goes silent and you think he has hung up, that you didn’t say it fast enough or he just didn’t care, but then he speaks.
“Would you rather I sneak you in my house or walk in through the front door?”
“…What are the pros and cons?”
“Well, getting in the front door is easiest, but then you risk seeing my parents and my Dad won’t have questions, but Rose will, and I never want to answer her questions anyway.”
“She can’t be that bad.”
“She is. Sneaking you in is harder, but then we avoid conversations, but if we get caught, conversations will probably be worse. Might become a whole lecture.”
“They’d lecture you for taking in a girl who needs help?”
“Rose would.”
He keeps talking the entire way to your house, his voice speaking in low tones as you gather up the things you need to spend an indefinite amount of time away from home.
He eventually does hang up when he arrives, so you turn your attention to prying your window open and climbing out of it.
You can barely get it wedged open enough to fit through, so you toss your bag through first and shout a quick “over here!” before beginning to crawl through.
You hear footsteps slow to a stop in front of you. “You know, usually when this scenario happens, you’re facing the other way around.”
You swat at his leg. “You’re disgusting. And I’m not stuck. You just arrived at an in-opportune moment.”
He curls a hand under the window and pulls up, making the gap wider. At the sudden release of tension you yelp, tumbling out of the window.
“You’re such a mess.”
“You didn’t warn me!”
He helps you to your feet and leads you to his car, the hand on your waist keeping you distracted from the wreckage behind you.
—
You do decide in the end to just walk in the front door, because you’re cold and wet and tired.
Ward does wake up and meets you at the staircase (you’re pretending not to notice the sheer opulence of the house) looking rumpled and confused.
“Who’s this?” The man asks, gesturing your rather pathetic looking form.
“My girlfriend,” Rafe says smoothly, “Branch fell on her roof. Place is a mess.”
You wave hello. “Sorry for waking you, Mr. Cameron.”
His gaze flicks to you for a second, then back to Rafe.
“Girlfriend?” His tone sounds… off. “How long has this been a thing?”
Rafe shifts, squaring his shoulders and stepping a little more in front of you. “A little while.”
Ward hums again, eyes flitting to you, taking in your appearance.
“Make sure you get the first aid kit. That head wounds looks nasty.”
Rafe nods. “We got it. Thanks, Dad.”
Ward just dips his head once, then steps back into the bedroom.
You let out a long sigh, pressing a hand to your chest.
“I thought he was going to throw me out.”
“He wouldn’t. I wouldn’t let him, anyway.”
You snort. “Yes, yes, you’re a big strong man. Can we attend to my wounds now? And get some dry clothes?”
Cleaning your wound doesn’t take long, mostly because your head is the only one that really needs cleaning. The rest is taken care of in the shower. The most luxurious and amazing shower of your life. Seriously. You didn’t even know showers could be this relaxing.
The warm water soothes your aching muscles, and Rafe has weirdly good taste in bodywash.
He’d left you a change of clothes and a spare towel even though you said you brought your own.
You change into his anyway.
They’re more comfortable. Better quality than your ratty pajamas.
Your underwear is a different matter. Your dresser is old and broken —as most things in your house are— and the drawer you picked to store your underwear in doesn’t close all the way. This normally isn’t an issue, but when your roof is suddenly no longer attached, it means the a good portion of your underwear got soaked and muddy.
Except the ones at the bottom of the drawer. So the only underwear you had to bring to Rafe’s that was clean and dry is the tiny, lacy stuff you bought from Victoria’s secret and only wear when you’ve taken an everything shower and need a little pick-me-up. When you want to feel like a hot piece of ass. Girl things.
So you look at yourself in the mirror, clad in your own tank top (it’s actually warm enough in his house to wear a tank top to bed) and a pair of his pajama pants, the draw-string pulled tight, the fabric sagging low on your hips, showing off a thin little strip of lace.
Your face flushes. You look like his girlfriend. Dressed in his clothes, lacy underwear peaking through, skin freshly washed and smelling of his body wash.
When you step out of his bathroom, old clothes clutched in your hand, he stills.
He sits back on the edge of his bed, leaning back on his elbows as you slowly saunter over, steps quiet.
His eyes flick down to the lace, pauses on the sight, then back up to your face.
The air is charged, thick with tension.
You pull away from it, tossing your clothes in your backpack and ignoring the heat of his gaze on your back.
“Come over here.”
You straighten, hands behind your back as you walk to him.
“Closer.”
You step forward, now standing between his legs.
His hands come up to the back of your thighs, tightening, before moving to your hips. His thumbs ghost over the edge of the lace, and he rumbles something deep in the back of his throat.
“I like these.”
“Do you?”
“Mhm.”
He presses his face forward, pushing your tank top up with his nose pressing his lips to the now exposed skin of your stomach.
You gasp, then feel him smile against you. He tugs you closer, face pressed to you and hands gripping your sides, just above the edge of your ribcage.
Tentatively, you reach a hand down, sliding from the top his head, down the side of his face, then slowing to a stop at his jaw, pushing your palm up. His head lifts, his eyes a little glassy, chin resting on your stomach.
“You introduced me as your girlfriend.”
“As far as I’m concerned, you are.”
“I am?”
You stroke a thumb over his face, sweeping over his cheekbone and under his eye. He leans into the touch, pliant.
“You think I let just any girl in here? You think I give any girl my clothes?”
“Yes?”
“Come on, baby. We’ve been over this.”
He presses another kiss to your stomach, mouth hot and lips firm.
He lifts his head up again. “You can make me yours anytime you want. Just say the word.”
“I’m scared,” you whisper, words barely even a breath.
“Mm,” He hums, hands running up and down your sides. “You think too much.”
You pause for a few moments, taking everything in.
You grab his hand, leave it palm side up in front of you, then reach into your pocket and drop something into it.
The ring. His ring.
He stares at it for a beat, then closes his hand around it, slipping it back onto his finger.
“Yeah?”
You nod. “Yeah.”
He grins.
Your drop your hands around his neck and he moves his hands to the back of your thighs, effortlessly lifting you onto his lap, wrapping your legs around his middle.
He doesn’t waste any time kissing you. It’s hot and full at first, a roaring flame licking in both your chests, like he’s been holding himself back all this time and finally let it all out. He pushes up into you, and the kiss deepens before it mellows out, slowing down to a few cracking embers.
He pulls back, your noses brushing. “Been wanting to do that since the fucking bookstore.”
“That long?”
“Mhm. You were wearing those cute little pants and you couldn’t reach the top shelf. Wanted to have you right there.”
“You’re insatiable.”
“Mm. Only when it comes to you.”
You fall into each other again, and again, and again.
“Baby.”
“Hm?”
“I really like you in lace.”
˖ . ݁𝜗𝜚. ݁₊
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