#I'd LIKE to but I know I'll just frustrate myself lmao

[byanyan]

ok sent out the last few prompts for my inbox call so now I'm gonna bury myself back in my farming game for the night. around on discord if anyone wants to chat about our blorbos: nonbyanary#9719

[dandyshucks]

im gonna critique my own art real quick bc this is bugging me, I DONT KNOW WHAT I DID ??

COMPARING THESE. at first i was like wrow the face looks so great. and then i did the arm (i genuinely dont know how i coloured the arm FSDJKL i remember putting down the base colour for it but i do not remember doing anything other than that and the final touches of the arm hair HELP ???) and suddenly the face looked flat and kind of like... well, the colours look murky and muted in comparison i think. like the colouring looks kind of bad on the face now.

the arm colouring is just so much richer and lively, and i TRIED to fix the face but fdjskl everything i was doing was just making it worse so i had to give up and just call it quits BUT ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY

the arm colouring is just so much better than the face and it's making me GRGRHRHH i wish i could figure out what i did bc im pretty sure i was using the same palette as the face?? so maybe I just coloured it in with a different technique?

MAYBE the underpainting had smth to do with it actually, bc i originally had the sleeve base colour there (a very dark purple) but then decided to do his short sleeved hoodie so i went over that with the arm base and i had colour mixing set to 100 the entire time i worked on this bc im a fiend fdsjkl

also something sort of funny is that I used the same palette for both skin tones (like I used all the colours of the palette for both of them, just in differing ways), I think I have somehow accidentally achieved a pretty good skin tone palette even though like four of the colours I had added to my palette for reasons that have nothing to do with colouring in skin (i.e. for linework or as a background flat colour for sketching)

here i arranged them all nice bc i realized i'd been using all of these for skin tones

(i'm going to keep working on the palette though because I think there are definitely things missing and things that could be changed! but tbh i rarely even use the palette feature, this was just kind of a happy accident when i noticed "oh i have some colours up there from previous things that i could use for this maybe")

[thesherrinfordfacility]

I’ve been having this doubt ever since season 2 came out (I should probably solve it by doing a tumblr poll but I don’t have enough followers for the answers to be significant so I thought I would just ask).

So to the point now: did people actually cry about the ending? (talking abt good omens here ofc). I’ve seen so many posts, both from around those days and still now, where everyone says how it made them cry/sob/just sad in general, and I’m too autistic to understand if they mean it literally or not.

Personally I haven’t cried but then I’ve never been a very sensitive person so I’m not a fair judge. I can understand how the ending is heartbreaking (believe me, as a queer person brought up in catholicism, the story really resonates with me) but I don’t feel the sadness myself.

That being said, I would love to know if this is truly different for other people, if it actually made them emotional in the way they mention in their posts or if it’s more of a common used exaggeration.

oh anon my love idk if im a big enough blog to get any kind of decent reach but i'll give it a go, i'd be interested to know too!!!

i know ive exaggerated my reaction on here (iirc i didn't cry at the confession/kiss/leaving for heaven parts - but definitely felt a huge Sad about it... plus frustration, incredulity, anger etc), but i have absolutely cried when writing meta about it, or daydreaming how they'd talk it out in s3 (these characters are healing something in me lmao)

rb for sample size etc etc

[skania]

OnK Chapter 149

I know it doesn’t mean much coming from me because I’m always complaining about Aka’s writing, but…

And I mean it when I say that I expect nothing 😭 This was literally my first ever OnK-related reblog and its tags are more relevant than ever lmao

These, too:

#honestly I didn’t think too hard about any of this during my first read #because the romantic endgame seems so obvious that it kind of discourages guessing lmao #but re-reading these chapters has made me appreciate Aqua’s side of his bond with Akane a lot more

Back when I first got into OnK, I mentioned that Akane was the entire reason I kept reading the manga. I didn’t care about the romantic subplot, found Aqua/Kana extremely obvious and predictable, and Aqua plain boring.

It’s only during my second read that I paid close attention to Akane’s interactions with Aqua and I ended up playing myself into both, caring about Aqua and shipping him with Akane lol

This chapter has made me realize that despite everything, I'm not emotionally invested in whether they end up together or not. I’d prefer it, obviously, because Aqua truly is at his most interesting whenever he’s around Akane, and their dynamic has the best development in the manga (so far).

But it’s just like I said before: If they don’t end up together, that’s just Aka’s loss, not mine. I’m just here for Akane 😂

And as an Akane fan, I feel like the best thing for me to do right now is to just take a step back and watch things unfold, because Aka will do whatever he wants regardless of how any of us interpret his manga lol

So instead of posting the long post I originally wrote about this chapter when the leaks came out, I'll just share a a clown gif because in hindsight it was silly of me to expect Kana out of all people to have any sort of meaningful insight into Aqua 🤡

And a couple of things that caught my eye because I can't help myself:

Kana didn't even see Aqua and Akane have any sort of meaningful moment, just those two standing in each other's vicinity was enough to make her throw herself a pity party. How many more times is she going to pity herself and give up? How has Aka not tired of writing her this way? Where did her development from the Scandal arc go? 🤡

So Chapter 147 featured Kamiki thinking Ai doesn't love him and Kana thinking Aqua likes her. It even had a helpful "Cut 139: Misunderstanding" panel and everything. Will this mean something? Who knows!

Kana used guilt-trip! It was super effective!

Oh the irony! Poor Akane looks like she's been hard at work convincing herself that she's over Aqua. And you know what? I cheer for her and respect her energy 100%. I'd rather see her doing her mightiest to help him without any ulterior motives than to have her crying for him and hoping to get back with him every other chapter lol

Akane calling Kana out for her pity-party and for being cowardly was so cathartic that if I didn't already stan her, I'd have become a fan right now 😭 It also means that Aka is 100% aware of the way he writes Kana, so when will she finally be allowed to grow?

Kana's praise to Akane made me so sad though because yes, Akane is pretty and she's talented and she's kind. That's sweet of her to say. But that's not what made Akane someone special to Aqua: it was the way she understood him. The worst part is that Kana ends her praise by saying that Akane is a "goody-two-shoes" but... that's the opposite of how Akane views herself. She sees herself as someone who's not decent and not normal. So it's no wonder that while she gets flustered (it's her dear kana-chan praising her), she seems to get a bit sad/frustrated afterward. After all, for Akane it's probably the opposite. Men would prefer a decent, normal, bright girl like Kana - Aqua included.

I wish someone would tell Akane that she is too ignorant of her own charms and that she doesn't have to act like an adult all the time. Truly the pot calling the kettle black! Sadly, unlike Kana, Akane seems to have no one in her corner in this manga. Aqua was the only one there and the poor guy is barely even a character anymore lol

Overprotective mother or controlling ex-girlfriend? Take your pick!

The English translation left something pretty important out in these panels. Akane doesn't just say "if you have a girlfriend", she says "if you have a precious/important girlfriend". This distinction is very important because it goes to show that... as expected, Akane doesn't think she was an important girlfriend to Aqua. It's like she didn't count and Kana would be the real deal. Oh, Akane...

Which takes me to her very silly, very convoluted yet very predictable plan (in true Aka fashion).

When Akane thinks “I know exactly what you hate”, I imagine she means that Aqua hates hurting and endangering those he cares for. So I'm guessing Akane thinks that if she plays matchmaker and quite literally throws Kana at him, someone he has a soft spot, then Aqua won't be able to go through with his revenge because that would mean breaking Kana's very fragile heart.

In other words, it looks like Akane is going to try and use Aqua's guilt-complex against him and her weapon of choice is love. But not her love, obviously, because as far as she's concerned, her romantic love already failed to save him.

Granted, using Kana's romantic feelings to her advantage is kind of... well, wrong. To quote Akane herself, [Kana] is neither her pet nor her property, but a person. But I'm guessing that Akane may be falling victim to the same loophole she got caught in in Chapters 96 - 98. She thinks she knows what's best, so she's putting her own beliefs aside for the time being.

Kind of like Aqua, actually.

And, ironically, it's Aqua himself who first realized how easy Kana is to use.

So! All in all, I'm here for Mastermind!Akane but I hope that Aka will actually make it worth our while. Will Kana realize that she's about to be used as a chess piece in this Proxy War? Who knows, characters in this manga seem to walk in circles, only being allowed to grow when it fits the plot 😂

Last week we wondered whether Aka would subvert expectations or go the predictable route, and down the predictable route he went. His way of making it less predictable is by including a twist in the form of Akane's ulterior motives, but will this be enough to allow this ol' used trope to lead us someplace new? I guess we'll have to keep reading to find out, but given the quality of the writing lately, I'm not expecting much lol

[obsessivestar]

'What If It's All A RomCom?' - A Ted Nivison x Reader

{{-Welcome to Chapter 8! Thanks for everyone that voted in the poll BTW. I don't know when I'll incorporate it into the fic but I do have another question for y'all: how much smut are you ok with being in this LMAO cause uhh...ya girls got some ideas but I don't wanna overfill it, yknow? Pls let me know, thanks, love ya to death ♡-}}

//General Warnings: 18+ Fic, (Minors dni), Reader is implied to be afab and under 5'5

Chapter Warnings: Little bit of conflict, suggestive flirting maybe??? uhhh yeah\\

Word Count: 4.5k

☆▪︎▪︎▪︎Taglist!▪︎▪︎▪︎☆

@k-k0129 & @callsign-scully

☆▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎☆

Chapter 8: How Do You Feel?

I try to move to the makeup team before Joe can catch up to me, but I feel him grab the back of my shirt to pull me back and turn me around, scowling at me. "When the fuck were you going to tell me?" Joe frowns at me, trying to keep his angry voice down so the others couldn't hear us. "Joe, I was--" I try to speak up, but Joe cuts me off.

"Look, I backed off after I saw the way he looked at you that night we played Jackbox, but you promised me you'd say if anything more happened."

"I know! I was--" I'm cut off again.

"Like, what was that? And what was with the kiss you guys filmed?"

"Okay that was different, that was for the--"

"Oh don't! Inviting him into your room was NOT for the play."

"I didn't invite--"

"Like how long has this been going on?"

"It literally--"

"Why didn't you tell me after the first time?"

"Holy fuck, Joseph! That WAS the first time!"

I have to strengthen the tone of my voice to finally overpower his frustrated ramblings, but I was a tad too loud. Some of the film crew had turned around and looked at us. The scene looked right out of a sitcom. I let out a heavy sigh and grab Joe's arm, leading him over to the stairs to talk to him privately, properly.

"You gotta let me get a fucking word in, Joseph.." I huff at him, speaking a little quieter as we move to the top of the stairs. "I was literally going to tell you before I went and got my makeup done. That's the only night we've spent together."

"So you guys literally just slept together, last night." Joe asks, phrasing it more like a statement.

"Yes. Tanner passed out in his room last night so he came into mine to work on stuff. Then...I don't fucking know, one thing led to another and we slept together."

"So why did he just kiss you like it's been a thing?"

"I don't know! He just--" I pause with an annoyed groan, shaking my head a little. "Probably to fuck with me."

"To fuck with you."

"Yeah, cause I told him I was gonna tell you. He was fucking with me."

"He knew you were gonna tell me?"

"Yeah! And he was fine with it. He just didn't know when or if he wanted the others to know."

"Really???"

"Yes!"

"So..." Joe's frustration quickly turns into amusement, his smile turning upside down like he was trying not to laugh. "So he just did that? Himself?"

"You mean kiss me in front of everybody? Yes. He's a prick.."

"And he didn't tell you he was going to do that?"

"No. It's taking all of me not to grab one of the water bottles and chuck it as his fucking head." I rub my forehead with my hand, trying to calm my frustration with him. It was a ridiculous way to reveal we were seeing each other, even though it was a little cute. "He could've talked to them about it later."

"Ted isn't a talker." Joe admitted with a shrug. "He doen't really...talk or ask, he just does. He didn't even ask if he was invited to my wedding, he just showed me the blue suit he was going to wear and I sent him the invite after."

"Well he was certainly a talker last night.." I mumble to myself, an annoyed sigh leaving me. I definitely intend to talk to Ted about this afterward, especially if we do intend to keep seeing each other like this. I'd be fine with him kissing me like that in front of Dan, Tanner and Joe, but I'd prefer it if the film crew were none the wiser, especially since we have yet to label anything between us.

"...How was he last night?" Joe asked with a mischievous smile on his face, nudging me with his shoulder a little to get a rise out of me. I relax a little, a smile sneaking its way across my lips.

"...Okay, you want me to be for real?" I ask him

"Abso-fucking-lutely! I need the tea." Joe snickered, nudging me a little again. "Come on, I gotta know, and I know you definitely wanna talk about it.."

I playfully roll my eyes at that statement, but he's not wrong. "...Well.." I pause for a moment, a blush appearing along my cheeks as I think back to last night. I recall the moment I realized he was going down on me, hearing him groan against my skin...

"...He knows where it is."

"Where what is?....AHHHH!"

Joe screeches in excitement at my statement and grabs my shoulders to shake me a little, definitely remembering the conversation we were having with Dan and Tanner before. I start laughing, trying to calm Joseph down from his almost animated-like elation. "(Y/N)! Oh my god!" Joe continues to cackle, covering his mouth when I shush him loudly. "Fuckin' get it, girl!"

"Okay, settle down.." I try to calm Joe down, chuckling a little at his excitement.

"Was he good? Is he good?" Joe continues to ask me questions, poking at me as if to prod the answers out of me. His constant interest in how Ted was last night was pretty funny, I gotta admit, and man...he was right, I wanted to talk about it.

"Oh my god, he was good. God, was he good.." I admit with a breathy giggle, getting another little excited screech out of Joe. "He kissed me and it was like...nothing else but this moment mattered, y'know? I fell right into his hands. The way he touched me was so...personal, and the dude treated me like I was his last meal, and afterward? Oh my god, his stamina, his voice, his..." I pause for a moment with a bashful little smile, nudging Joe a little without finishing my sentence. He knew what I was talking about.

"Would you sleep with him again?" Joe asks after a moment with a big smile.

"You kidding me? I hope Tanner falls asleep in his room again.." I admit with a laugh, getting a good cackle out of Joe as well. "100% I'd sleep with him again. God, he's hot."

"You guys are hot together."

"No, but he's super hot. And tall. Oh God, he's tall.." I admit with a heavy blush. "I'm not even a height kind of girl, but he towers over me. I can't look at him anymore without just...thinking."

"Thinking about him?"

"Thinking about what he could do to me.."

Joe and I both laugh together again. It honestly felt so good to talk to someone about all of the crazy thoughts that go through my head. I was hoping Joe would relax fully and allow me to gossip with him more often about this, especially if I sleep with Ted again. I appreciate protective Joe, but I like drama Joe a little better, at least in this case.

"Cmon, I wanna watch the makeup team work on you."

"They're probably wondering where I am."

Joe and I chuckle as we get up from the top of the stairs to head back into the living room. They had built like a mini tent, decorated with lots of bright lights and some partitions around to help make the area its own room, in a way. It wasn't the prettiest makeup room, but it's what we had and it worked. I take a seat down in front of the makeup station, which is the most expensive looking part of the area. We had an entire desk with a big mirror with a bunch of lights around it to really light up my face and all the makeup on the desk was top-notch quality, too. I didn't know Tanner even knew about all these brands.

Joe hung out with me as the makeup team worked on me, sitting somewhat behind me in a chair so we could talk in the mirror. We made sure not to make the conversation about Ted since we were around other people, but Joe would occasionally make subtle references to last night just to mess with me, it almost ruined my makeup at one point. He had made me laugh and I looked down with an embarrassed smile while they were putting eyeliner on me, almost made them put a huge black streak across my face. It just made us laugh more.

They had tried on a bunch of different formal makeup styles on my face, going through the decades of history before moving onto more fantasy looks. At one point, I looked like an elf straight out of Dragon Age, vallaslin and all. Tanner had hired a great team, I was taking a ton of photos and genuinely enjoying myself. A final look wasn't decided on right away so I watched as the removed the last bit of test makeup after an hour or two. Since we'd be filming a bit more today, they gave me a more natural appearance with their makeup before sending me back out.

At this point, the kitchen had been cleared of any extra food and garbage, say for a few donuts still in a single box. Ted isn't anywhere to be seen, but I see Dan and Tanner setting up some cameras over by the kitchen, looking like they were adjusting them. I let out a sigh, wondering what Ted had said to them once Joe and I went to the stairs. I suppose I should probably get their input on this whole thing as well. I was fine talking to Tanner, but I hadn't known Dan for very long at this point. He was a cool guy and all, but it's just...strange.

I approach them, sheepishly holding one of my arms behind my back.

"Hey, is everything almost ready?" I decide to ask them watching as Dan moved in front of the camera while Tanner looked through it. "Yep. Almost. Just...adjusting the focus.." Tanner replied, a little grunt leaving him as he stood up straight to adjust the length of the camera's stand. He wasn't making a particular expression related to what happened earlier. Neither was Dan. Maybe they don't know if I wanted to talk about it. That's understandable.

"Where's, uh...where's Ted?" I ask another question, the air feeling a little awkward at Tanner and Dan's normal demeanor.

"He went back upstairs again." Tanner answered, keeping his eyes on the camera.

"Again? Why?"

"Because he's getting a sweater for the wet scene"

I furrow my brows at Tanner. "The what scene?"

"The wet scene. You don't remember the wet scene?"

I look and feel extremely confused. Tanner keeps repeating 'wet scene' to me like I should know what he's talking about, but I genuinely don't. Christ, it's not like I was drunk last night or anything, why am I so scatterbrained all of a sudden?

"We're taking the pool out and filming the wet scene." He speaks again, moving away from the camera to look at me fully. He doesn't seem phased by the fact that I'm visibly confused.

"OK, uh...Tanner?"

"Yeah?"

"Assume that I have...no fucking idea what you're talking about."

"Okay."

"What's 'the wet scene'?"

"OK, so, yknow how we have the pool out back?"

"No."

"Ok--" Tanner chuckles a little at my confusion. "So there's that big section of the house at the side I tell people to be careful around, because there's actually a pool underneath all that. It's fake grass and everything. We're taking the pool out, getting some stuff in there and bringing Ted out. The wet scene is him pushing you into the pool with your clothes on. Then he gives you the sweater to wear."

I blush a little after Tanner explains how the scene is going to go. It's funny, I actually did remember that this Airbnb came with a pool but when we went outside that one time and I didn't see it, I just assumed whoever had put the place up had lied. It happens. Now I'm learning Ted is going to have to push me into this pool, apparently soaking my current clothes. Wonderful.

"Do I get to push him back at all?" I asked with a smirk, crossing my arms.

"I mean, not for the scene, but we can probably use the pool when we're not filming."

"Is it a big pool?"

"Oh yeah, it's got an attached hot tub too."

"Ha." I grin with a little head nod. "Let's go."

Tanner chuckles a little at me, moving back over to the camera before giving Dan a little thumbs up, letting him move away from the frame.

"You should let her push him first." Dan suggested with a smile. "Even just off camera."

"Why?" Tanner looked up from the camera with a raised brow.

"Because he kissed her in front of us."

Another blush appears along my face, an annoyed sigh leaving me. "I'm sorry about that, by the way." I speak up, my smile turning into a little frown. "I didn't tell him to--"

"Oh, we know." Tanner admits, cutting me off a little.

"Yeah, he told us everything." Dan admitted with a smirk, pulling up one of the spare chairs laying around to sit down. "Well, not personal stuff but he apologized and let us know that you're a thing."

So he apologized to them before he apologized to me. Then again, I was in the makeup room. He probably didn't want to pull me away from their job. I better get an apology later though.

"So...how do you guys feel about it?" I ask with a nervous smile, holding both of my hands in front of me.

"I mean..." Tanner pauses, chuckling a little as if to fill silence. "How does Joe feel about it, is what I want to know."

"He's...happy about it, actually. A little too happy." My smile grows, giving a little shrug.

"Then as long as it doesn't effect production, I'm happy too." Tanner nods a little at me before giving a shrug of his own. "I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner."

"Aw, we should've made a bet the other night! Dan groaned playfully at Tanner with a little laugh.

"We should've! I would've won!" Tanner grinned, scoffing at the lost opportunity. That implies he knew Ted and I would've slept together last night.

"Jesus christ." I look up a at the ceiling and laugh, shaking my head. "Was everyone expecting this to happen except me?"

"Yes." "Yes." Tanner and Dan reply in unison, getting an eye roll from me in response.

Ted comes back downstairs with a full white sweater in his hands, a knowing smirk on his face when he sees me talking to Tanner and Dan. I turn back to look at him, giving him a stern squint. I don't care how handsome he looks, I don't care that his stubble is perfectly shaping his face, I don't care that his eyes are twinkling in my direction, I don't even care that all of my friends have seemingly been shipping us since the beginning, I'm still upset with him and his dramatics from earlier.

"Oooh, she still mad?" Ted asks with a little purr, placing the sweater down in the kitchen counter before approaching the 3 of us, putting his hands on his hips.

"Don't talk about me like I'm not here, please." I huff, crossing my arms in front of my chest. "What happened to 'I'll think about it'?" I ask him, referencing what he told me before we left my room.

"I did think about it." Ted replied simply. "When you smiled at me, I'd made up my mind."

"So you thought the best way to let everyone know we're seeing each other was to kiss me in front of them?"

"No, I just wanted to kiss you."

"You just wanted to kiss me?"

"Yeah. You looked cute. I wanted to kiss you."

I resist the urge to smile at him, trying to show that I was serious, regardless of how sweet he was being. "Yeah, well...it was a real prick move.." I mutter a little, looking down at my hands. "You could've at least let me tell Joe first."

"Why, was he upset?"

"Yes, he thought I was hiding it from him. He thought we had..." I pause, turning to look over at Dan and Tanner. They quickly move to try and look busy, but I knew they were listening. "...been seeing each other since we played Jackbox that one night."

"Honestly, kinda valid, I should've knocked on your door sooner."

"Ted..." I scowl at him.

"Okay, okay.." Ted chuckles and let's out a little sigh at my response, bringing one of his hands up to scratch the back of his head. "Alright I'm sorry. It was stupid of me.." Ted finally apologized. "You were just...I wanted to kiss you."

"Yeah, I get it, you wanted to kiss me."

"Do you blame me? You're very kissable, alright? I'm sorry. Do you forgive me?"

I don't respond right away, gazing up at him as I think to myself. I can't tell if he's buttering me up to calm me down, or if he's really just trying to be affectionate. Either of those options are both annoying and sweet to me. At least he's apologizing, I guess. It sounds genuine enough.

"...I should smack you." An affectionate smile creeps along my lips, uncrossing my arms to relax a little.

"Would that make you feel better?" Ted crosses his arms with a little grin, raising his eyebrows at me.

"I don't think you need to hit him." Tanner added with a smirk, moving over to the kitchen to grab a water bottle.

"She wants to humiliate me back, I already know." Ted explained, giving a mocking chuckle. "She's gonna spit on me or somethin'"

"Fucking spit on you? Jesus.." I scoff at Ted, furrowing my brows at him. "I feel like you'd like that."

"If it's you and you kissed me after, maybe.."

"You're disgusting."

"Oh yeah, I know. I see that you like it though..."

The confidence Ted constantly exudes was both irritating and attractive. He reads me like a book; I both hate it and love it. All I can do is roll my eyes, giving Ted a little push on his shoulder as a response. I sigh when he chuckles at me, a little smile making the corners of my mouth creep up.

"Alright guys, let's leave some of the flirting for the camera.." Dan smiles at us, gesturing to the backdoor to herd us outside for the next scene. Most of the crew had moved outside with some other cameras and had even gotten the pool all set up. There were some folding chairs laid out with some umbrellas attached to them, along with some towels and little empty glasses that were sat on the little tables next to the chairs. They had thrown some toys into the pool to really add to the atmosphere.

Apparently, Ted and I would be having a few scenes near this pool, one particularly at night that would involve a kiss. Now that I was more comfortable with him, I was looking forward to any more scenes where we'd have to kiss. Man, I'd love to kiss him more.

Once Tanner gets outside he explains how the shot is going to be filmed. It would be used as another establishing shot so dialog wouldn't be recorded, but we would be required to talk for a little before he'd be pushing me into the pool. Tanner had the idea to shout when he was ready for Ted to push me, but of course, Ted convinced him to just let him make the call, that way my reaction would be genuine. Prick.

Ted and I go and stand over by the pool once we're ready. I stand in front of him with my back facing the pool. I feel a little nervous about Ted just shoving me into it. I wasn't sure when or how he was gonna do it. Tanner was filming us by now, so we had to think of something to talk about for a good couple minutes before he'd push me.

"You wanna know a little thing about this morning?.." Ted spoke once we were alone, looking down at me with a small smile.

"Please don't tell me I snore.." I huff, crossing my arms in front of me almost defensively. Part of me wants to really watch his movement so I can duck and run when he moves to push me. I'd love to see him fall in the pool like an idiot.

"No, you don't snore." Ted chuckled a little, shaking his head. "You'll think it's cute, I promise."

"Alright, what happened this morning?"

"I, uhh..." Ted pauses, bringing one of his hands up to scratch his head a little. "I woke up, like, a lot earlier than any of our alarms. I think, like, 10 minutes before yours, actually. Anyways, I turned it off.." He admitted, gesturing in my direction a little bit.

"You turned my alarm off?" I raise my brows at him, a confused chuckle leaving me. "Why?"

"I wanted to lay with you a little longer.."

His tone definitely suggested he was genuine, causing me to go speechless for a moment. I blink at him like I'm waiting for the punchline, seeing his gaze become warmer.

"Tanner had told me that night that we could sleep in a little bit, so I set another alarm on my phone and, y'know...held you."

"I..." I let out a slight giggle, uncrossing my arms to place one of my hands on my stomach. I feel those familiar butterflies in my stomach again. "...How do you do that?"

"Do what? Change the alarm on my phone?"

"No, I mean, you..." I pause, biting my lower lip a little. "You have...so many layers to you, Ted. You show up out of no where, apparently you've been aware of me for a while now. You're sarcastic with me, you insult me, then you're sweet and genuine, then you're flirty and seductive, then you're just kind of a dick and now you're being sweet again.."

Ted let's out a laugh at my comment, giving me a curious tilt of the head. "'Kind of a dick'?" Ted repeats.

"Well, like, I...I can't read you, but it seems like you can read me. You flirt with me in your car, you--"

"Toyota Tacoma."

"Whatever, you flirt with me in your 'Toyota Tacoma', you hesitate to kiss me on camera but you slither yourself into my bed at 12 in the morning like you've been planning it, then you kiss me in front of my friends without telling me and now you're...telling me you turned off my alarm so you could cuddle with me longer? I just...I don't understand you."

Ted listens to my rambling with a content smile on his face, slipping his hands into his shorts pockets as I ramble. He was even a good listener. God, this is infuriating. No human being; no man can be this...right.

"I think that's just called 'having a personality', princess.." Ted let's out another chuckle, taking a slight step closer to me. "What's confusing, exactly? I like to mess with you. I like to make you laugh, I like to make you smile and I like to make you squirm. That's about it.."

"And you like me?.." I give him a flirty smile, tilting my head at him a little.

"I do like you, even though you're fucking annoying."

"Oh I'm annoying?"

"Yeah, it's ridiculous, actually. You're annoying, you're hot, I like hearing you moan my name, I like kissing you, you're....you're annoying, and then when you're really annoying I just wanna kiss you more."

"You sound just as confused as I am."

"I am. Trust me, babe, I'm just as confused about it as you, honestly, but I'm goin' with it."

"You're going with it?"

"Yeah."

"And why's that?"

"Because it's you. Duh."

I feel my chest and my cheeks warm up, giving him an affectionate smile and a chuckle.

"See? There you go being annoying again; that stupid fuckin' smile. Now I gotta kiss you.." Ted shakes his head at me, moving in closer to grab my waist in his big hands and pull me into a gentle kiss, a pleased hum leaving him when I don't hesitate to kiss him back, cupping his face in my smaller hands. Here's sweet Ted. God, this man makes me swoon. He probably forgot the camera was there again, but I didn't care. Tanner will appreciate the improv, I'm sure. Either that or he can edit it out. It's fine.

He breaks the kiss after a moment, smiling against my lips as he slowly snakes his hands up my body to rest them on my shoulders. I open my eyes to look at him, an infatuated smile stuck to my face. Ted's honeyed gaze looks over my blushing face, letting out a pleased sigh.

"....I'm gonna push you into the pool now."

"...OH YOU MOTHERFU--"

With one good push from Ted, I fall back with a sudden yelp. The swift shove makes me let go of Ted's face so I don't drag him with me, as much as I wished I did. I make sure to take in a quick breath before crashing into the pool on my back, hearing the muffled laughter and applause from under the water. I groan to myself and swim up to the surface, taking in a breath once I know I'm clear to.

"Oh my god! I'm gonna fucking kill you!" I curse at him, watching as he laughs hysterically at me. I try to splash Ted with a frustrated huff, but I can't help but smile and laugh as well. I mean, he got me good. I'm sure he was still being genuine, but he was able to get my guard down and get the perfect reaction for the film. I was content with that and honestly impressed.

I watch as Ted slips off his glasses and the white long-sleeved shirt he had been wearing so he can jump right into the pool with me, doing a huge cannonball just to splash me some more. "Ted!!" I yell at him again with a cackle, flicking my head back to get any hair out of my face. When he rises up from the water, we're both just laughing and splashing at each other.

"You screamed like a little girl!" Ted mocks me, throwing one of the pool toys at me.

"Yeah!? Well I'm about to fucking drown you like a man! Come here, you fucker!" I yell back at him, deflecting the pool toy so I could start swimming straight for him. As I'm swimming around, I could see that even Dan and Joe had come out to watch this, laughing alongside Tanner and the rest of the film crew. Man, every day I just become more and more grateful to be apart of this. This has been the best experience I've had all summer.

I hope it stays like this for the whole project.

__________________________________

|| Chapter 1 || Chapter 2 || Chapter 3 || Chapter 4 || Chapter 5 || Chapter 6 (smut) || Chapter 7 || Chapter 9 || Chapter 10 (smut)

[north-noire]

what's your process for writing? :3

my writing process: I stare at my document file for hours and weep, repeat until writing gets miraculously done.

In all seriousness I tend to already have outlines ready for future chapters and stuff like that ready (and an idea of what I'd like to happen in the arcs/timeline of events). I've already had like a vague outline of my entire fic as a whole, but that's just kind of my own version of what happens in FNAF LMAO. I also just sometimes brainstorm, imagine new scenes that seems fitting for future chapters and list it down for me to write!

Though sometimes, even my writing execution just sometimes makes me have to divert/change plans up for chapters since sometimes writing's a bit unpredictable and sometimes some ideas I have just come out of nowhere/don't work anymore!

I talk back and forth about ideas with some friends/my alpha reader and bounce back ideas between them! It's really fun brainstorming with people and being able to put my ideas into words before writing it down. I also sometimes draw it out as concept art since it's fun visualizing some of my ideas!

Of course I still base most of the ideas from the actual source material (the games, some parts of the book trilogy) but since this is an AU I'm allowed to explore some "what-if" ideas and be able to have some creative freedom with it without worry since it is an AU after all! I get to do/explore things the way I want without worrying about judgment since this isn't really canon-compliant.

I take very long in actual writing stage (for obvious reasons), and after completing my rough/first draft I let it sit for a few days or a week before reading it again with a fresh pair of eyes and edit/revise/add new scenes accordingly. Sometimes I just make scenes out, no matter how bad it may be at first, and then just let revising/editing do my work for me. Sometimes I also have readied drafts for some scenes of future chapters that I can come back to, put it in the document and just rewrite it/rework it to be better suited for the narrative.

I tend to take my time longer during the editing/revising stage for a lot of things; I'm a perfectionist, I tend to sort of heavily criticize my work, and I worry a lot about its quality at the end of the day, and sometimes I realize that I need to fully revise the scene or fully rewrite a scene since it's lacking something/I'm missing a scene that should essentially be there. It's a hard battle, and an admittedly frustrating process.

That, and irl responsibilities makes it hard to just read through it sometimes.

During those breaks I sometimes read books/literature so that I can come back to editing/revising with fresh new knowledge on how I can improve or be able to know how I'll handle writing again.

After editing/revising is done, I just hand off the beta-reading to my beta readers, which also takes a while; we're all having irl responsibilities after all, and I mostly go to them back and forth about their feedback since it is nice having fresh eyes on your work WHILE also getting feedback from "first-time readers" of my work and what the readers might think of it when I publish it. They also help me with minor editing stuff since I'm not an English speaker (English isn't my first language) and their feedback really helps!

And then I usually draw out the cover chapter, and when my chapter's published, I do a nice little celebration for myself, since I take very long on chapter updates/making the actual chapters! It's important to celebrate the little victories we have, after all :]

Sorry for the SUPER long post, but since it is the writing process, I might as well share the ups and downs of my own writing process anyway XD Hope this helps?

[starlightshore]

i think enough time has happened that i can talk freely about Undertale Event...2! if you haven't watched it, uhm. Please do!

Undertale Event

2!

I voiced Dr. Alphys and I did all the artwork.

The only two real fangames were:

Sans the Game

and

Giga Sans

Everything else was made by a couple of friends (and a guest submission, GTA Sans) and me.

Here's my 4 trailers if you just want to see them isolated.

for an explanation to what the hell this even is under the cut:

This is a parody of UnderEvent, a yearly Nintendo-Direct like showcase of Undertale Projects. I know people/have particpated in this since the first year.

While I try my best to keep to myself in the fandom, I do talke with people and dive a little bit into what's going on. I know the words "dust-trust" and "last breath" but i could not tell you what specifc AU they are each. I'm not good at video games so I only really play the big ones (UTY, TS, and most recently Delta-traveler). So like, I'd say i'm halfway there to knowing the basics of whatever the hell is going on in this fandom lmao!

I love how weird and silly this fandom is. I've got my own gripes about different aspects (cough, Sans Therapy: sans has mental illness the fangame was made in part with my extreme frustration with how the fandom handles the topic of mental illness. Like, seriously, cut that crap out...)

but anywayz off my rant for the day, there's a lot of this fandom I can admire from an, admittedly, confused distance.

I'll actually refrain from talking too in-depth about my thought process on the trailers as we plan on doing a commentary edition for the video. That'll be fun!

As for if we'll have a sequel...?

We have no idea yet if we are. I'd only want to make one if we can justify its existence. If you're in the fan-project community and want to be involved, please reach out to me! I can't guarantee we'll let you in as, as I said, I don't even know if we're making a sequel yet. But I love the idea of making a bigger, badder, and more ambitious sequel!

Alas for now I must go...... I'm writing this the night before and i'm sleepy lmao. Hope you enjoyed the video!

[eriexplosion]

I never let myself really believe they'd bring Tech back (because Occam's razor, or whatever). And I'm so used to weird/bad writing choices from other works that I'm mostly able to shrug my shoulders and go "aw rats, disappointment again :\" about TBB's ending.

... But I still feel kinda hollowed-out, post-finale. I'm not autistic (I think), but my sibling is, so it meant something to my old withered heart that a Star Wars show about family would have a confirmedly-ND character among their cast (though, somewhat tangentially, I agree with your post about all of the Bad Batch being arguably ND-coded). I was delighted that he was well-written, and that he'd eclipsed the stock "smart guy" trope he'd started out as in TCW.

And, I dunno. I feel like a sucker, having hoped for a brief moment that the writers wouldn't throw all that away. And for what? People on reddit were saying for months on end that "his sacrifice is meaningful and shouldn't be wasted", but I can't agree. I think it would've been more meaningful had he lived.

I feel disappointed with the trajectory the back half of S3 took, and I don't think that's unreasonable. Even beyond the disappointment of "dang, they really did that?", S3 after the first handful of eps (imo) felt kind of... rushed? Underexplored? Like there should've been a season 4 (for pacing/development's sake) and various changes to the plot, but there weren't.

Told myself several years ago that I'd reserve judgment for the writing until the series was over and done with. And now that it's all just wrapped up, I suppose I'm stewing with my thoughts, a little. The character arcs all feel like they fell short of their potential payoff, to me -- and maybe I'll change my mind in a few months, but right now? Eh.

Crosshair's got PTSD/trauma that makes his hand shake? Cut off the hand. Omega's got potential force sensitivity/a decision to make concerning what to do going forward? Who cares about that. Tech's getting a decent (and suspicious, in hindsight) amount of character development? Better kill him off so the audience really feels the sting. Cid, Phee, CX-2, Echo, Scorch? Who cares about them; they can show up when their skills are needed and fuck off without halfway-decent closure when they aren't. The familial/sibling themes that were open to being explored? Eh; let's focus predominantly on this one father-child bond. Omega doesn't even need to say goodbye to Crosshair and Wrecker, lol. Foreshadowing and setup? What foreshadowing and setup.

... I'm realizing that I'm actually Quite disappointed lmao. In a lackluster "I don't know what I expected" kind of way. Time to read so many fix-its

There's just a lot that was set up that never came to fruition and it's frustrating when the show has been so good up until that point. And the thing is that Tech being CX-2 would have resolved at least some of it! The CX-2 plot obviously but also, Crosshair's guilt and trauma being helped by being able to fix at least one of his mistakes? Omega's guilt over putting her family in danger being relieved because she finally has them all back?

It didn't even need to be fleshed out, I wouldn't have cared. The only thing I wanted this whole show was the family to be together and complete. And not only did we not get Tech back but yeah Echo was basically just not counted as part of that and Phee was ignored in the end.

This season feels like it needed another editing pass to work as a whole, even though I'd liked everything up to the finale it didn't really end up coming together for me. I'd even have accepted Tech being gone if they had put actual mourning in the first half, instead of stringing it along with little mentions and the CX-2 stuff. I'd be frustrated and mad, but at least it would have felt like they respected him as a character.

Really the only good things I have to say is I think Nala Se blowing up the databanks was a fantastic end to her character that didn't really redeem everything she's done but did bring her to an interesting stopping point. And I am glad everyone else made it out alive. I'm glad that Crosshair especially did after everything he's been through, he's still my boy after all this time even if the Tech stuff has overshadowed a lot of his growth in my head.

[prophecydungeon]

very belated Poast™ about the perona cosplay-coordinate-whatever-this-is i made last month!

fabric: robert kaufman kobe twill in ruby, and the world's nastiest polyester for the capelet lining

patterns: none. fuck it we ball. i traced off of an innocent world capelet i own for the general shape and altered the length and front closure. for the skirt, i went off the general length of a fully shirred meta skirt and traced the scallop size/depth off of a scallop hem jsk, and used the "sew and flip inside out" method.

this is actually the second capelet i made for this; i got a different fabric for the skirt (tl;dr i fucked up and got the kobe twill in ruby and not the fineline twill in ruby red lmao) so i remade the capelet to match. i quite like the kobe twill in terms of weight and texture, but if i lost my mind and re-re-made this (haha just kidding... unless?), i'd use the fineline twill in ruby red (it's slightly cooler and darker) to match BTSSB's iconic red x white pieces, which this is obviously inspired by. still, i like this vibrant red for perona! it works really well for her.

i fucked up in a lot of places! i don't think they're tremendously noticeable, though. the scallop lace on the side seams doesn't quite match up perfectly (one side is worse than the other, lmao) but i'm cutting myself slack considering i'd never made anything like this before. the thing i'm most frustrated by is the capelet, though - i got it in my head to try avoiding topstitching the lace on (like, why? who cares?) so i sewed it to the outer fabric but not the lining and then ended up trapping it awkwardly near the top of the collar. OH WELL. the pockets are also maybe two inches lower than i should have put them, which isn't horrible but is kinda annoying.

i also overshot the measurement for the elastic in the waistband out of an abundance of caution, but it turned out to be way too loose at con and the skirt shifted around a bunch. thankfully that was a super easy fix, and for next month's Local Con i should hopefully not be hiking my skirt up all the time, lmao. i think i'm also going to wear a bigger petti -- the one on the dressform, specifically -- since that gives a more cupcakey, Traditionally Sweet™ shape that suits perona's whole... thing. i'll likely wear a different blouse, possibly no bloomers, and maybe something at the waist too? who knows!

best part of this experience by far was the person who BOLTED towards me to compliment my outfit and then gave me a ghost princess badge ribbon..... whoever you are please know i am still thinking about that interaction every single day

[sinnohqueen]

nobody is awake i can make an embarrassing vent post

lately it's been bothering me more that I just genuinely do not know how I will ever be able to function at a full-time job. like the past year and a half since starting the one I'm at now, I've really improved--haven't called out bc anxiety, became one of the people they call in most bc I am reliable, etc. but also I feel like I have such a long way to go

and I get burnt out so easily. it's part-time and retail and I get like 13-20 hrs a week. if I didn't live with my parents I'd be fucked LMAO but I also obviously don't want to keep doing this. but sometimes working so many days in a row is mentally taxing, I get socially burnt out and irritable, and it's frustrating because I have a customer facing job

I've been asking them to train me on more things that aren't so customer facing (not telling them why ofc lmao just saying I want to be more helpful and learn everything) but I always seem to fuck everything up. idk if it's me being too hard on myself or that I'm incompetent. I ask too many questions, I get caught up in small details bc if I don't have every single little detail known then I get stuck and have to ask MORE questions lmao. and I know it absolutely frustrates my coworkers & managers

I also feel like a lot of the time socializing is like. navigating a fucking minefield. sometimes it's so easy and effortless for me which is weird lol. then other times I just feel like I keep picking the wrong dialogue option in a video game lmao. especially with my boss, some days she's chill and I can talk with her but there are days where I don't know how to read her tone, idk if she's being passive aggressive or she's frustrated with me or what and I don't want to piss her off so I'm afraid to ask but also I need to know if I'm just reading into things wrong and getting upset or what

also I cry so fucking easily I hate it lmao. I get so upset at myself. I want people to tell me if I mess up so I can correct it and learn but at the same time I am SO shit with criticism. and just. idk there's more and I have to get ready for work now and I'm nervous about it lmao. but just idk I don't know what to do, I definitely gotta schedule a therapy appointment and get back to it again but I also don't feel like my therapist gives me good feedback but then again. is it me. I'm just overthinking everything alright bye I'll delete this after work osidfjsdoifjsdf

[lachiennearoo]

I AM ASSEMBLING A TEAM FOR A LOW-BUDGET ANIMATED MOVIE

I know am asking a LOT right now, but considering this is a passion project without a deadline or budget, I guess it's why I'm asking here (and well, I'm no professional lmao).

In 2019, I wrote a short quebecois (french canadian) cyberpunk, action, sci-fi story novel. It was my most beloved project, and it still holds a big spot in my heart (even tho some newer stories of mine are higher quality). Ever since I made it, all I've done is draw scenes, characters, anything from it. I have a folder of about 200 pictures, animatics and concept art added to it over the years. One thing doesn't work for me to do the project though: I can't voice act, I can't make music, and I can't animate (well, not anything above basic storyboards, and I wanna do something in 3D lmao).

I have... well, not a lot of money (no seriously, I am VERY broke). So well while I can try my best to pay anyone who is willing to help, I can't guarantee it'll be a lot (which I know it can be frustrating, as an artist, to not be monetarily compensated for your hard work, so that's why I'm saying it now).

Due to all of this, I'm only asking for people who are GENUINELY interested. I can't provide much in terms of budget so I don't wanna give anyone false hopes. But I promise that I will work very hard to fill in any position that I can, like script writing, character and environmental concept art, direction, I can even try to voice-act if there's not enough actors! As for the work itself, I allow as many breaks as needed. You're allowed to work on any personal project if you ever feel tired or overwhelmed. I too will take many breaks. I don't mind how long it takes, months, one year, a few years even, as long as I know it'll eventually be done and that the people working are genuinely interested.

Now if you've stuck this far and are still interested, I'll share the requirements:

MOST IMPORTANT PART: I am searching for 3D modelers and animators (if you can do both that's cool but it would be nice to separate tasks so it's less tiring for each person working). My characters are very diverse-looking and expressive, so above all, I'd prefer someone who can animate faces well because that's really what I want to pop out (but if you can't, that's okay too, I'm not THAT picky) (tho despite being cartooney, I'm more in the simplistic, Clone Wars - Arcane department than I am in the realistic Disney - Pixar one)

I need voice actors who speak french. No English-only speakers, sorry. Most should be natively québécois (or french who can imitate the accent fluently) but there's a few characters who are anglophones or have a french accent, so that could help too if you're not from Québec but wanna make a voice. The story is rather dramatic and action-packed, with a lot of violence, fight scenes, screams of pain and agony, all that, so be ready for that

And of course, I'd like to have some people who can do the soundtrack (one person or more working together). The story is sci-fi/cyberpunk taking place in Québec, so I'd expect someone who can go more techno, european (and cinematic too)

YOU DON'T NEED TO UNDERSTAND FRENCH TO WORK. I'm fully bilingual so I won't have trouble communicating with you. The only language requirements would be in voice-acting, or if you're working in team and need to communicate with someone else, but otherwise there really is no need because, well, google translate is a thing, and I can always be a translator for you as well if needed.

BONUS: If there's someone available (you don't HAVE to for that part, it's just to make things easier, but they're not requirements because those are all things I can do myself), I could always get some bonus script writers to help the process go a bit faster, and translators in case someone wants to put subtitles in different languages

Here is the folder of (most) of the art on Artstation: https://www.artstation.com/rosaliegosselin/albums/2467754

And here is a very short animation I did for it a while back (if you don't want spoilers tho, don't watch it, it's one of the last scenes of the story lmao): https://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/782216

And here's the story itself (it's just in french tho, sorry about that, but you can just use Google translate): https://www.wattpad.com/story/214223068-magicae-automata

I hope you feel inspired! If you know anyone who might be interested, do feel free to share this with them! I look forward to working with you! Shoot me a DM if you're interested, and if I get enough people, I'll start a discord for all of us to talk!

[umemiyan]

Hiii robin! If you're cool with it, I wanted to ask, is there a certain moment with your selfships when you realize you ship with them, or is it a slow process that just kinda happens?

hi romy!!!! ❤️

tbh it kinda depends and i'm not always totally sure LMAO i'm a little all over the place with it. like a lot of the time i have a hard time deciding and i'm trying to create a classification system in my head akfjofijwe tho it probably shouldn't be that deep my brain just loves to cling to systematization and gets frustrated when it can't properly execute it lmfao. but anyways i shall try my best collect my thoughts and describe how i perceive my tendencies!!

i'll put it below the cut bc i always ramble lolol

there are definitely some ships where it was more of a slow progression and i had to eventually be like "yeah okay this is what it is" because it was getting to the point where they weren't going to leave. i could easily envision more in-depth scenarios between them and myself and/or lore that just seemed to naturally spring up and i just kept thinking about them all the time.

i'd say megumi is a good example of the slow-burn. he honestly wasn't the kind of character that heavily struck me when i first watched the anime and started reading the manga; in fact, i recall being like "oh great, another little hateful emo boy" LOL (historically they're not usually the type i'm drawn to). but i got to know his character better over time and realized that like. damn. i have rather intense feelings about this guy adjewoijfwof

toji and jean were a bit more on the "slower" side of development as well i suppose. and not "slow" in the sense it took several months or years or anything (i've only been self-shipping for about a year) but it was something i had to ease into a bit more i guess.

i actually hated toji at first but then the daddy issues kicked into overdrive and i eventually started catching feelings LMFAO and jean was my first self-ship ever. he's the first one where i felt comfortable enough to imagine myself with someone like that <3 i hadn't really truly done anything like that in years, but i loved his character so much that i was starting to actually insert myself in reader stuff rather than completely detaching like i used to. i could see myself with him.

suga, on the other hand, was the kind that hit me like a freight train. maybe it's because i'm more comfortable with self-shipping now, but it was easier for me to realize it and take it to self-ship level pretty quickly. not only was i obsessed with him from pretty much the first fucking moment, but the subsequent relationship daydreams have been insane LOL i mean i gave it a little bit of time because i hate the idea of being overly impulsive and irrational due to infatuation but uh. i fucking love him lmao

katsuki is..... *sigh* idk. he also kind of hit me like a freight train, at least with the daydream scenarios and whatnot, and i was hoping and praying it was just a phase (still kind of am) but i guess i've sort of accepted that it's not. or it's at least a longer-lasting phase than most lol idk. but i can't stop thinking about him and i'd rather just go ahead and call it a self-ship instead of continuing to try and wait it out or deny it. the brainrot is bad

ANYWAYS sorry for being unable to shut the fuck up as per usual lmfao but yeah!!! i tried to give some examples of how this shit works in my mind. right now i guess i'm sort of organizing things by how regularly/consistently i think about a character over time and with what degree of ease i imagine myself with them in several scenarios, but this is by no means the sort of parameters i think everyone should use when it comes to this. people should do whatever the fuck they want i just take shit too seriously sometimes and wish i could be more chill actually instead of trying to create a classification system for everything in my brain 😃 but here we are

[grossestjay]

Things I'd like to know about other writers!

I was tagged by @coreene , which is so nice thank you! (apparently i count as a writer now, nice)

not going to tag anyone this time as i am being shy

Last book I read: I am giving Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson another go. I never finished it the last time. It has it's flaws big time, and it is very of its era but it is kind of charming honestly. Last book i finished was Vile Affections by Caitlín R. Kiernan. I LOVE her short stories.

Greatest literary inspirations: honestly i have no idea. I read a variety of things, but I've never sat down and thought about it like i have with art, as i'm still new to writing as a hobby honestly. (I'm sure you can tell by my inconsistent grammar)

Things in my current fandom I want to read but I don't want to write: . . . some really intense Abdirak BDSM with emphasis on the SM like, in a Loviatar worshiping dungeon. (maybe the House of Scarlet Hooks just because i like the name. [maybe i will be writing this after all])

Things in my current fandoms I want to write but I think nobody would be interested in them but me: See above lmao. I also want to write some off the walls Gale stuff one day.

You can recognise my writing by: my partner says "you can tell you read a lot of murder mysteries growing up." so perhaps that. Also the uh, the kink. heaps of it

My most controversial take (current fandom): oof idk, there's a lot of interesting ideas in the BG3 fandom. I think i'll keep that to myself for now.

Top three favorite tropes: I love a good loyal body guard falling in love. Penetration (violent) as a metaphor for penetration (sexual). I am a sucker for the one bed thing it's a classic for a reason. Oh how will you handle when you're forced to share a space, hmm?

What’s your current writing mood (10 – super motivated and churning out words like crazy, 0 – in a complete rut): maybe 3. Life has been chaotic lately honestly

Share a random frustration: Why have my headaches been such an issue lately? rude

[elliespuns]

I was wondering, would you mind introducing yourself a bit? Your age, hobbies (except for blogging of coure), music taste, your favorite movies, etc? I love the content you post and i love you and I don't even know you. I wanna know my favorite blogger.. lol. Only if you're okay with it

First of all, thank you for such a lovely compliment. I love you too and I don't even see your blog, mate!

To answer you; I was answering something similar once. This anon sent me questions and I filled them in, so if you allow me to just copy and paste those so I wouldn't have to type it all again (nothing has changed since then, honestly) then I'll be happy to oblige.

How old are you? I'm 30

Tall or short? Very short, I'm only 5'1 ft, 1,56 m

Sexuality? Eh, I don't like labeling myself but if I HAD TO, it'd say bisexual/demisexual.

Describe yourself briefly I'm an introverted dork that doesn't vibe with most people. I dig music, art, and I love a lot. I either love too much or not at all. I've been vegan for over 10 years now and I love funny people. Other than that, I'm just a very poetic soul that also loves to play video games from time to time and I write. I write a lot.

Something you like about yourself? I'd say it's my knowledge in English. I've been self 'learning' it for 9 years now (never been abroad) and I was able to learn the language to the point where it became a huge part of my life. Like I literally use it more than my mother language. That's a thing I'd say I like about myself.

Favorite hobbies outside your blog? I write; creative writing, poetry. Both fulfil my mind. Then I love reading (ofc). I also draw, play video games, work with graphic programs and I love taking pictures.

Something no one would guess about you I have a very high sex drive, lmao 🫣😂 and people would never say so about me, because I literally look like I have a ribbon buckled to my vagina.

Weird quirks you have Oh, god, I can't stand hand cuts. Like you can literally show me a video of someone having their throat slit and I'll be fine, but then you show me a vid of someone having their palm sliced, or simply just someone cutting their finger and I'll go all asdfghjklsdfghjk.

One talent you wished you had Damn, I wish I could draw from imagination. I can draw but I can't seem to draw anything just by trying to see it in my head. That's so fucking frustrating. And weird. Anyone else having this problem?

A word your friends would use to describe you Idk about one word, but my best friend says I'm the funniest person she has ever met, so does that count? Lol, Idk why she says this. I'm literally a potato.

Craziest thing that's ever happened to you Omg, trauma alert… when my boss (a 70 year old male) caressed the top of my head telling me I'm pretty.

Have you ever been in love? Yes, for over 10 years now (no, it's not a fictional character, lol).

What is your biggest fear? Fuck, it's hurricanes and tornados. I actually have a phobia, it's called 'ancraophobia' and it's a fear of strong wind. (I swear I don't fear normal wind tho, I'm not that weird, actually, ok?).

Why did you start this blog? When I came here one day I realized that there were only a few blogs that were dedicated to the game stuff. So I said why the hell not? I didn't expect to have an actual fanbase here, it's crazy. Love you guys.

Your favorite food? Lentils, that's the shit.

Least favorite food? I'd say meat.

Favorite TV shows? Okay, not gonna mention TLOU cause it's obvious, but the very first show that pops into my mind every time is Breaking Bad. I love this show to bits. Then I also love TWD, OITNB, Better Call Saul, Wentworth, This Is Us, Lost, The Killing.

Favorite movie of all time? My most favorite movie of all time will forever be Ginger Snaps (2000). I've loved this movie ever since I was 11. It's been 19 years ever since and I still love it to pieces. Aaaaah!

Favorite musicians? I love a lot of music, but my most favorite is Damien Rice. I love that guy and what he does. Right behind him are Cigarettes After Sex and Mazzy Star (just pure love). Then it would be Joshua Radin, The Hope Arsenal, Yaeow, The Paper Kites, The Smiths, R.E.M., Blur, BoDeans...

Do you have any pets? My chonky boi guinea pig.

[jgracie]

AHHHH JGRACIE 600 FOLLOWERS YAY !!!! you deserve this thia i'm so proud 😣💕 i'd like to request

iv. to all the boys i've loved before

send in a quick description of yourself and i'll assign you a pjo character and a romance trope! (please lmk if you'd prefer a male or female character ♡)

i'm not always the most intelligent, but i strive for academic validation and i love learning and i love my teachers and i am super competitive, to a point where it even annoys myself.. i'm basically a loser cs i don't know how to talk to people but once i do i yap so much i end up embarrassing myself 😭 my sense of humor is lowkey awful but better than some of my friends' tiktok ass humor so !!! no basically i just tease people 😣 i LOVE to laugh tho and i love listening to all kinds of music and going shopping w friends (sometimes) and honestly just yapping soo

no preference for gender 😙

💬 THANK U SOOOO MUCH ILY !!!

TO ALL THE BOYS I’VE LOVED BEFORE — LEO VALDEZ + (ACADEMIC) RIVALS TO LOVERS ˚⟡˖ ࣪

this one came to me SO quickly lmao as soon as you mentioned striving for academic validation and being super competitive i knew 🫡

i feel like leo is one of those people who's annoyingly smart and once he sees that ur always the one competing w him academically he immediately begins to tease you and try to get under your skin just to elicit a reaction LOL

and you're thinking 'leo valdez and i aren't alike at ALL' because he's so annoying and weird

but in reality you're the same person in different fonts because yapping so much to the point of embarrassing yourself ? bad sense of humour ?? teasing people ??? LOVING TO LAUGH??? all your friends r looking at you like 🤨 are u sure ab that

then one day you get paired for a project and discover that you're actually pretty similar and its nice to be around each other when you're actually on the same team

but then u finish the project and ur both kinda sad because ? are we supposed to go back to rivalling now ?

luckily he admits he did all the teasing just so he could have an excuse to talk to you and because he thinks its cute when you're frustrated LOLLL

power couple fr!! he has a huge selection of music for you to listen to on ur way to the mall (u guys def have a huge shared playlist too) and he carries all ur bags <3

[not-poignant]

This is the anon the said 'safe'. Your tags hit me hard, since I'm actually starting a transition but am avoiding hrt. I've been getting pushback on it, and been told I'm not really trans without it. I know what I want to change to feel like myself. Also what I don't want to change. That's probably why 'safe' was my choice. It sucks when you think you should belong, but still feel like you aren't good enough. It helped to hear you have felt the same. I just want to give you a big virtual hug.

Ahhh I have a similar story, anon <333 I'm so sorry you went through it too.

Under a read more because it contains transphobia towards a nonbinary person from a binary trans person. My experiences are from a nonbinary lens, anon, so take the bits that are useful to you and ignore the rest, depending on where you sit on the trans spectrum <333

When I started realising I was transmasc (I'd known I was non-binary for a while) I remember that I talked to a trans man about it, he'd been going through the process for a couple of years at that point and we'd talked about that too at different points.

And I remember mentioning that I'd thought about hormones, but I was still on the fence because I'm nonbinary, not like 'binary trans' (i.e. I'm not going from point A to point B, where you move from AFAB to man or AMAB to woman), and I was talking about wanting they/them pronouns and maybe he/him pronouns at that point.

And he said: 'Oh cool, yeah, hopefully that helps until you decide for sure with testosterone and surgery.' I had this moment of like ??? and he was like 'when you realise and can be brave enough to commit to being a guy, I hope that goes really well for you.'

It was one of the most transphobic things I'd ever heard, not because it was said from a hateful place (it really wasn't, I'm still friends with this guy), but because it came from a friend, I was being very vulnerable during the conversation and it left me feeling like I didn't have a right to consider myself trans at all for about two years after that. It pushed me into this space where I'd been defined by a fellow trans person as a 'coward until I decided to be officially a man.' And then for two years I kept looking for that inside of myself, denying my non-binary-ness in favour of looking for a very clear and decisive 'I'm a man!' moment. It was a horrible period of time, gender-wise. Because being identified exclusively only as a man or a woman is dysphoric to me, so trying to do it to myself was like cutting at myself with an axe.

It's also very much like when gay and lesbian folk would say to me - back when I identified as bisexual - 'get back to me when you pick a side / become a real queer.' There's a real phobic bent among folks who are 'one or the other' (sighs) towards people who are in the liminal with this stuff and that's where they belong. And it hadn't occurred to me that I'd hear a version of that from a fellow trans person. You'd think I'd have learned, right?

He and I are still friends, but I stopped talking to him about all of my experiences as a trans and nonbinary person. It was clear to me, in that moment, he saw me as a much lesser version of an identity he'd embraced and was living. You know, how so many people think of nonbinary transmascs. (It's also frustrating, because trans men also don't need to have hormones or surgery to be trans men, and it makes me furious when people take this attitude with binary trans folk too, but I'm mostly focusing on my own experience here, of the myriad ways we encounter transphobia in the trans community).

I never heard anything quite like that again, but I've had one other trans guy be like 'when you're ready for testosterone, I'll support you' like he was waiting in the wings for me to 'fully make a decision to be 100% a man' which isn't a decision I can make, because I'm not 100% a man, lmao, I'm like 80% of one, and 20% something else, and 0% woman, lmao, which is why I call myself nonbinary transmasc.

I was lucky that through research and listening to voices in nonbinary transmasc spaces and more open-minded trans spaces that I realised that I'd encountered transphobia, and that this specific kind of transphobia is particularly common in the trans community, especially in cases where a trans man or woman has a period of being nonbinary as an experiment to see what transitioning feels like before they fully commit to the surgery and/or hormones and name etc. that they often wanted all along. So they often project this onto other people, because for them being nonbinary was a midway point, or the middle of an evolution. But being nonbinary isn't an experiment for most nonbinary people, it's literally our identity and it always will be. (And any binary trans person reading this, don't ever use this rhetoric with your nonbinary friends, or your fellow binary trans friends who have elected not to use hormones or surgery - it's transphobic.)

These days, I'm proudly trans and proudly part of the trans community, but I'm also aware that there are a lot of binary trans people who will treat me and other trans folk as 'other' because I haven't suffered through the same surgeries or adjustments that they have. That's...their transphobia, and it's not me expressing my identity wrongly, or being 'lesser', it's just straight up transphobia. It belongs to them, not to me. I don't believe we have a unique word for nonbinary transphobia, it all comes under the same umbrella, but that's definitely what it is.

When you start to feel like you don't belong, anon, remind yourself that this is internalised transphobia, not to punish yourself, but to remind yourself that it's not true. Those feelings belong to the people who gave them to you, but they're not innately or inherently true, they actually have nothing to do with how valid you are at every stage of your transition.

You're fully a trans man if you don't take hormones, and you're fully nonbinary if you do. Whatever you need (or don't need) to affirm or express your gender for you, is what you need, and that deserves to be respected and fully validated no matter what, at any time. Whether it's binding or not binding, hormones or not hormones, hormones and then 'not for the next few years' and then hormones again, surgery or not surgery, etc. Whether you're a trans man, woman, nonbinary, agender etc.

People have this idea of what it is to be a 'proper' trans, bi, gay, lesbian person (like the 'gold star lesbian' which is horrendously disgusting as a term and concept), but all you need - literally all you need - re: these things, is to just... know you're these things. That's it. That's how a gay person can know they're gay without having sex. That's how a bi person can know they're bi without sleeping with someone of the same sex. And it's how a trans person knows they're trans without looking perfectly androgynous or perfectly binary trans (depending on what they desire) on the outside. (Don't get me started on fatphobia in androgynous and nonbinary spaces, and the equation of true 'nonbinary androgyny' with thinness, because that's a whole other rant for another day, lol).

I'm sorry you've experienced that pressure to be 'more' of something from society / particular people. I can specifically relate on the hormones front because I actually went quite far into looking into taking T, to the point where my doctor was ready to sign off with an endocrinologist, before I realised that it wasn't the right decision for me. It might be one day, but right now I know I'm transmasc without it, and I'm concerned about some of the side effects with my neuroendocrine tumours. There are other ways I affirm my gender that work great for me. But I did have a moment of knowing that would impact how other people see me, and it's one thing when it comes from all the cis people, but it's another thing when it comes from the trans community as well. :( Thankfully most people are really validating now, use the right pronouns, and I just don't confide nonbinary vulnerabilities with folks who saw being nonbinary as a midpoint of their own evolution/journey, just to be safe, lmao.

Wishing you fortune and strength and much validation, anon <3 You are amazing as you are, whatever you decide to do or not do in the future. :) *hugs*